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Stuff Christians Say #163
My mom: You should grow your hair out because long hair is pretty. You should look pretty.
The next day: Don't do anything to make yourself look nice, or you'll get yourself raped.
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Stuff Christians Say #162
When I was growing up: Homosexuals molest children in public bathrooms!
Now: Trans people molest children in public bathrooms!
When clergy, religious leaders, and teachers molest children at churches and Christian schools: shrugs, looks the other way
Apparently, child molestation is only bad when it's perpetrated by someone you dislike anyway.
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Stuff Christians Say #161
One day: You can't blame all men for something that very few men have done! That's like saying all Muslims are terrorists!
The next: What man hasn't done something like this?
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Stuff Christians Say #160
You: Reals over feels! Kids these days think everyone has to cater to their feeeeelings!
You: I think homosexuality is *disgusting* ergo gay marriage should be illegal!
(Psst - disgust is a feeling.)
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Stuff Christians Say #159
My family members, pre-Obergefell: Same-sex marriage is the greatest tyranny perpetrated on the American people! It's a tyranny of the minority!
The day of the decision: Today is the darkest day in our history.
Now, over three years later: Lol I always supported gay marriage what are you talking about
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Stuff Christians Say #158
Acquaintence: The priest only started to abuse him after he told the priest he was gay.
Me: So? He was underage. It's still illegal.
Acquaintence: It shouldn't be. A gay man can't be raped by another man.
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Stuff Christians Say #157
"""How come it’s legal for women to wear bikinis, but it's illegal to rape them?"""
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Stuff Christians Say #156
Me: You want to know something funny? In high school, I was taught that if you wear a short skirt then you are responsible for being raped.
My dad: Well, there are indecent exposure laws.
Me: Wearing a short skirt doesn't constitute indecent exposure.
Dad: I know, but there are indecent exposure laws.
Me: Let's say you're walking around completely naked. Before you get arrested for indecent exposure, you get raped. That's still rape just the same as if you were wearing clothes, even if you are also charged with indecent exposure. Even a charge of indecent exposure doesn't negate rape.
Dad: But you'll still be charged with indecent exposure. Both parties are guilty. If you wear a short skirt, you have to take responsibility for the consequences.
***
I guess I'd deluded myself into thinking he didn't *really* believe what I was taught when I was younger, but apparently I was wrong.
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Stuff Christians Say #155
Why rape happens, according to my dad:
Women living independent lives, which necessarily involve going out in the world alone and potentially into male-dominated environments
Women using birth control, having abortions, and/or not having enough children to satisfy his requirements
Women "dressing like whores"
"Women acting like men" "Modern society masculinizes women" etc.
Any number of ad-hoc reasons on case-by-case basis
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Stuff Christians Say #154
In June 2017...
My dad: Did you know that the FBI just let Omar Mateen's wife go? They just released her! I told you the FBI is an Islamist, leftist organization!
At that time, I simply Googled omar mateen's wife and found an article by Fox News published on the anniversary of the massacre that wrote, "A year after gunman Omar Mateen opened fire in Orlando's Pulse nightclub, his widow, Noor Salman, is currently awaiting trail, accused of helping her husband carry out the massacre on June 12, 2016."
I showed my dad the article and he never responded. Not that I expected him to take personal responsibility for his statements.
He'd rather see an Islamist on the loose than a government agency be successful.
In hindsight, this was the day I learned that my dad was so removed from reality that Fox News was no longer conspiratorial or paranoid enough for him.
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Stuff Christians Say #153
My dad: There are pedophiles in the government, pedophiles in the deep state, pedophiles in the Democratic party, pedophiles in public bathrooms, pedophiles everywhere!
My dad: Except in the Catholic church. That's just the liberal media blowing it out of proportion.
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Stuff Christians Say #152
My dad: With all these women acting like men and men acting like women, some people are even asking themselves, why have children?! Nobody has children anymore!
My dad, the next day: Muslims/Latinos/Blacks are having too many children!
***
We're Indian Americans. The only races he likes are other Indians and white Europeans. Racist against all others.
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Stuff Christians Say #151
You: The Masterpiece Cakeshop decision means we can fire gays! It's a victory for religious freedom!
Me: You can already do that in our state.
You: But my company won't allow it!
Me: It must be difficult to be an asshole in the modern workplace.
***
Many large companies' policies already forbid discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation, and regardless, the Supreme Court decision does NOT mean you can fire gay employees in states that ban discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation.
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Stuff Christians Say #150
My dad: Feminists want to whore around without consequences!
My dad: Feminists want to make sex illegal!
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Stuff Christians Say #149
Several years ago, after my great-grandmother passed away...
My dad: She was a strong woman.
My niece: Strong like how?
Dad: She endured everything without complaining.
Niece: Like what?
Dad: Whatever her husband wanted. The way a woman should be.
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Stuff Christians Say #148
Acquaintence: Those glow stick necklaces make it so you can't have babies.
Me: Dang, looks like I need to start attending more concerts...
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Good to know! I’d forgotten about this one. This was my best ever one liner. Usually, I think of a witty comeback 10 minutes after the situation has passed, but this time it was immediate.
Stuff Christians Say #84
Persistent proselytizer: Are you familiar with the Bible?
Me: I used to be more familiar, but these days I prefer Charmin Ultra.
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