#<- wet cat man supreme

[lepidopteragirl]

no but i could write a goddamn essay about all the ways making sophie sge a lesbian could have made those books one hundred thousand times better

#like obvs i get why he didnt do it but srsly everything weird about sophies character arc in the 6th book could be solved by having her end #up w a girl #like i am fully for tedros and agatha (at least in the first 3 we dont talk about what the fuck he did to them in 4-6) they're iconic #whatever etc #but sophie should have gotten a damn gf and ill die on this hill #like. everything about her and the way she thinks about needing 3 be with a prince is sooo. well #lets just say it reeks so dearly of girl who has grown up just extremely surrounding herself in traditionally soo strictly feminine social #roles and etc #trying to convince herself she does like boys she does she is attracted to boys #while developing deep emotional/romantic bonds with none of them and at them same time acting Like That about agatha #(clarifying that i think her and agatha together would be bad even if u ignore that whole magic twins shit. just do not have those vibes #but her friendship w aggie is SO lesbian who cares more about/is weirdly possessive of close female friend than guy she says shes into) #and her whole arc as a metaphor for her figuring out that she actually likes women would ahv been so fucking good #like i was v happy w the end of her book 3 ending on her own yknow? her ending up w a guy makes no sense and as fond as i am of hort #<- wet cat man supreme #it really fucks with her arc and how her relationship with men had been portrayed through the book #*books #like love is such a central theme in her character and i want her to have someone but i also think it being a boy falls flat #like honestly in my ideal world hort was just a girl #like no other change hort is a girl and they kiss #it really does work and also we would ahve gotten sad milk filled webkinz fcuking wet cat werewolf woman representation we all want #anyway #sophie's a lesbian in the same way regina george is a lesbian can anyone hear me #and agatha is bisexual in the same way elle woods is bisexual send post #tedros is also bi but thats like literally canon lmao

[cult-of-the-eye]

Something horrifying occurred to me today. If my father was a fictional character, people would think of him in a similar way people see Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute. Here's why:

He has had So Much Shit happen to him. Like Jesus Christ. Like string of unfortunate deaths kind of shit. Like how is this man still functional kind of shit.

He's also had such an interesting childhood and life he's such a wildcard like my dad randomly telling us how he smuggled some guys over the border when he was like 19 is giving the same vibes as Jonathan Sims saying he knows what a meme is

That's not to say he's a huge badass or anything (he is but for the sake of this comparison) he was terrified out of his mind the whole time and did it cause he was feeling homesick and was like I know how these guys feel so I'm gonna help. Giving trademark Jonathan "gonna do it but gonna do it shaking like a wet dog" Sims

He's a skinny brown guy who's kinda quiet, supremely awkward and makes dorky jokes

I asked him if he would still love me if I were a worm and he deadass said only if you went to worm Cambridge. Tell me that's not a Jonathan Sims thing to say.

He's probably autistic (he won't talk to you unless you mention something specific and then you can't stop him talking about the geopolitical situation of Bangladesh)

He's so emotionally constipated. My dude has never heard of emotions ever. He once gave me the advice that the way to deal with negative emotions about our shitty situation is to just compare it to poor peoples' lives in Bangladesh and thank god we don't have it that bad. I think he's allergic to therapy.

He's always in some sort of pain. God hates him personally.

He's the most anxious man I've ever met in my life. I think he lies awake at night just planning how he's gonna get through the next day. Like all he does is overthink and eat his own curated mixed nuts snack

He indulges in a funny cat video once or twice

He hates dogs (growing up in Bangladesh will do that to you but also he's not good with the barking)

Saying that, has bonded with one crusty white dog, who he immediately picked up although i don't think he meant to do that, so we get a situation of quite a tall man holding a small dog but both of them looking Absolutely Terrified.

He's such a baby fiend. I've never seen someone so hell bent on being a grandfather. We went to a family party with him once and not even 5 minutes in, we found him holding a baby. I'm taking @lonelyslutavatar 's baby fever Jon as canon btw.

He's constantly in business casual. He'll be in bed wearing slacks. It's not cause he's fashionable but in fact only because those are pretty much the same clothes he's owned since 2005 and the only clothes he owns.

Nobody is quite sure what he does for a living. Like sure we know his job title (I had to look it up on LinkedIn) but his day to day activities? A mystery. Who actually knows what being a Head Archivist entails? Not me.

I rest my case. For now.

#im sorry to say they're both wet cats of men #tma #the magnus archives #jonathan sims #rambles #jarchivist #tma jon #im horrified at this btw #they both arrived in wet cardboard boxes #they both rock forest green jumpers

[badass-queer-couples-battle]

Sword gays showdown, round 3, bracket three

Propaganda:

For Inigo:

One of the best fighters ever. Killed the six fingered man. “My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die”. Fights with his left hand even though he’s not left handed. He’s bisexual in my heart. 

All I'll say is that sword fight with him and Westley had sooooo much sexual tension. 

fights with his off hand to give other people a fighting chance

his true love is justice where justice is cutting the heart out of the man who killed your father

[go watch the entire count ruben fight scene and i dare you NOT to vote for this man!]

For Gideon:

she's incredibly good w/ her two hander and less good with her rapier but she's still pretty good!! she is a horny lesbian who's taste in women seems to exclusively be "girls who have tried or are going to try to kill her". she's a redhead. i love her

Gideon’s a HUGE Butch lesbian and literally always wanted to use a broad sword. Specifically a broad sword. She said fuck rapiers. Uhhh literally dies to save the girl she cares for and the sword she uses then becomes like an altar for said girl. Gideon Nav Supremacy <3

oh she is the most badass swordswoman lesbian in media. she’s her gf’s cavalier, defends her in battle, she’s incredibly butch and buff

C'mon shes THE sword lesbian like... canonically 

Loves her broadsword more than anything on her home planet and practices whenever she can. Spoiler it’s possessed by her mom. Gave everything so her best enemy could eat her soul and become the new saint. The character of all time child of two separate threesomes, child of the god emperor, she’s dead, she’s butch, she’s a dork, she’s doomed by the narrative. She’s my favorite.

girlie is literally the swordswoman supreme. she’s the cavalier primary to her necromancer. she has a fuckoff huge longsword. she gets absorbed into another person SPECIFICALLY to swordfight for them. in a gay way too.

While everyone else was developing common sense, she studied the blade. This dyke's main weapon and true love is the long sword, but she's also passable with a rapier. The sword is, in her own estimation, pretty much all she's good for. That and her smoking hot bod and terribly charming sense of humor. 

"While we were developing common sense, she studied the blade." (Direct quote from the book). She's the most useless lesbian to ever exist, and she's obsessed with an absolute wet cat of a woman. Learned longsword mostly on her own and is such a genius with the sword she learned rapier in a few months (by personal experience, it's really really hard)

Most badass broadsword wielding lesbian easily slaying bone monsters and evil space wasps

The cavalier to her necromancer. very gay. in a complicated codependant lovehate relationship with the only other person her age she knew growing up.

#sword gays showdown #inigo montoya #gideon nav #gideon the ninth #the princess bride #the locked tomb #tlt

[gabessquishytum]

Dream hates his friends!

He doesn't like to celebrate his birthdays loudly, in restaurants where the staff wear "flare" and will sing you "Happy Birthday" while clapping, like you're turning 7, but his friends insist that he needs to have "fun"!

So this year, they chose a Western themed bar and restaurant for Dream's birthday party. The restaurant even has a mechanical bull that Dream knows his friends are going to take turns riding as they get more drinks in them. The 2nd hand embarrassment will be overwhelming!

Dream is enduring (frown-y wet cat face), not drunk enough for any of it and just looking around at the other parties in the restaurant when he sees this dark haired handsome man with his friends currently egging him on to get on the mechanical bull. Dream can hear the man vaguely over the din complaining, smilingly, that he isn't a "slutty blond" anymore. Then the table starts chanting what Dream assumes is his name --- "Hob, Hob, Hob,,,,," --- when Hob agrees, his table cheers. (Hob put upon face makes Dream smile into his shitty beer.)

Then this Hob person rocks Dream's world with how scorching hot he looks riding that bull.

Hob's friends where egging him on to get on the bull because they saw him staring at the hot goth wearing a birthday boy cowboy hat. They figured that flirting through sexy riding will at least be a good conversation starter.

Thinking about that video of the guys on the mechanical bull that occasionally does the rounds here on tumblr...... yeah <3

Hob isn't even GOOD at riding the bull, OK. His experience with riding half the dicks south of the river APPARENTLY just didn't help at all, and he clings on desperately for a minimal amount of time then slithers miserably to the floor.

And of course Dream has to check that the gorgeous, hot, all around delicious man is ok. Dream thought that his bull riding was supremely sexy (he may be wearing rose tinted glasses because he thinks that Hob is cute anyway). It makes Hob’s evening significantly better when he peels himself off the floor and finds Hot Goth waiting for him anxiously. Dream pulls him off towards the bar to buy him a reviving dose of something alcoholic (mostly because he wants to watch the way Hob’s throat bobs as he swallows down the shot).

Dream's birthday starts to get rather wonderful after that. Hob steals his diamanté cowboy hat. Dream demands payment, and Hob kisses him on the cheek! He blushes, like he actually meant to kiss Dream properly but chickened out at the last moment, and it's both the cutest and sexiest thing he's ever seen. Hob is a slut but he is also shy and he really does want to kiss Dream!!! Maybe he just needs Dream to be direct with him...

Dream's friends finally find him later in a corner booth - more accurately he's in Hob’s lap, allegedly demonstrating the proper technique for riding a mechanical bull. It looks a lot like he's actually grinding down, moments away from making them both cum in their pants but hey. It is his birthday. He can be gross in public this one time.

And if Hob gets over his shyness and sucks Dream’s soul out through his cock must later, well, no one has to see that. They're staying in Dream’s flat aaaalllll weekend <3

#the sandman #dreamling #nsft

[incorrectsmashbrosquotes]

Round Two of our Smash Bros Sexyman contest is concluded! Here are the results!

Match 1, Mario v. Samus: Samus Victory! (Hello lesbians, nice to see you. Though it would been funny if Mario won the entire contest.)

Match 2, Dark Samus v. Luigi: Luigi Victory! (And Luigi's win streak continues. Is he doing absolutely nothing? Who knows, this is in text form)

Match 3, Princess Daisy v. Princess Peach: Princess Daisy Victory! (Tomboy supremacy remains supreme, it seems)

Match 4, Sheik v. Falco: Sheik Victory! (Better shape up, furries. You're losing ground!)

Match 5, Lucina v. Ganondorf: Ganondorf Victory! (it seems not even the lesbians can stand against the unstoppable force that is the villain fuckers)

Match 6, Chrom v. Meta Knight: Meta Knight Victory! (Himbo supreme loses to literal goth kickball. More at eleven)

Match 7, Zero Suit Samus v. Solid Snake: Zero Suit Samus Victory! (Bisexuality: Civil War)

Match 8, King Dedede v. Lucario: King Dedede victory! (Hail to the King, baby. He is peak male performance, after all)

Match 9, Wolf O'Donnell v. Rosalina: Rosalina Victory! (The Furries have fallen! I repeat! The Furries have fallen!)

Match 10, Little Mac v. Robyn: Robyn victory! (Fire Emblem sstill got shooters baby!)

Match 11, Palutena v. Shulk: Palutena Victory! (Horny Bisexual Goddess eradicates Shulk Nation, more at eleven!)

Match 12, Cloud v. Corrine: Cloud Victory! (Sad wet cat anime boy victory. Whoda guessed?)

Match 13, Bayonetta v. Ridley: Bayonetta Victory! (Man, not even the monster fuckers can stand against her, can they?)

Match 14, Richter Belmont v. Isabelle: Richter Victory! (I guess cuteness can only get you so far...)

Match 15, Joker v. Banjo: Joker victory! (And like that, the Furries have gone. They have passed away, into the west.)

Match 16, Bealyn v. Sephiroth: Sephiroth victory! (Yeah... bout what I expected.)

And that was round two! Round three of our Smash Bros Sexyman Contest, coming soon!

#incorrect quotes #incorrect super smash bros #super smash bros #smash bros #contest #poll #polls #tumblr sexyman #tournament

[bruciemilf]

The fact that DC comics makes BRUCE WAYNE, little wet meow meow man, an abusive father never not blows my mind. Like what were y’all thinking?

THIS IS WHY FANON BRUCE IS SUPREME 🦇 I WILL BE HAVING WORDS WITH DC I SWEAR

(and at this time I will be taking no criticisms thank you and goodnight)

Literally tho like!! What is the point. What's the objective???? What's the target???????? He's already autistic and likes dogs instead of cats, how much more " complex" can he be DC????

#like why. you think you impress WHOM. edgy incel overlords with daddy issues who project??? #anyway mu mutual is most correct listen to their gospel like a mormon kid: no question #asks

[if-maggots-knew-god]

Speed character personality descriptions (but I refuse to take myself seriously like always)

Main characters:

“Venison” Birk: sopping wet pathetic man, begrudgingly the narratives “favorite” (help him)

Calliope Wright: spite incarnate, SO tired of everyone’s shit (acab)

Georgette “spots” Bailey: people pleaser, let her have a nap for gods sake, (acab)

Secondary characters:

Plague man/Victor: angry old gay man commits one million counts of arson

Razzmatazz and Lucerne: polyamorous lesbians just want to be dead in peace

Arachne: flipping off the sky (edgelord supreme)

Supporting characters/the rest of them idk:

Frank Solare: the Cheshire Cat if it had a gun, biblically accurate bastard (acab you spooky cop fuck)

Tetra Volkov: crossdressing priest like ok slay I guess, in love with the biblically accurate bastard

Elijah Williams: it bites and it bites and it bites and it bites and it bites and it-

“God”: you are not god, stop lying you overgrown Bambi, gaslights you for no reason

There will be more characters but I’m too lazy to write something about them

#if maggots knew god

[honeylemony]

tagged by @glasscoffingirlfriend for a get to know meme :) 🧡🧡🧡🧡 love light and joy everlasting to u Poison 🧡🧡

three ships:

-viola/thorn from dimension 20's burrows end. I think they're cute and I like that they run a cult together 😭❤️

-gideon/harrow from The Locked Tomb. do I even need to explain 🫶 will always love you queens you own my ass

-Bergie and Self Respect, from Love Island USA. I started watching this show with my gf and MY god what were the producers thinking putting this wet cat of a man on there. He shouldn't be at the club, he needs to be some power bisexual's malewife. He's not thriving in his enclosure 😔

last film

Da Mario Movie :) I watched this on an edible for the first time. I lost my mind calling Donkey Kong "donkish konkish".

currently watching

Love Island and that one escape room making show on Peacock. Plus SSS, drawfee, and dimension 20 everything

currently reading

Nona the ninth ❤️❤️

currently consuming

Man I made some pumpkin spice cookies this weekend that have been hitting supremely. I'm going to have one rn.

currently craving

Da cookie

TAGGING if you want to 🧡 @iriswashername @apple-scrumper @stonebluerue @cringefinalgirl @vaultblight @poppy871 @lady-lessobian

#get to know me #get to know meme #tagged

[tempertyzias]

genuinely what is trigun

my biggest current hyperfixation, its like two and half mangas/two animes/a movie

it started as just the manga "Trigun", then was adapted into the 1998 anime, then the manga CONTINUED in the form of "Trigun Maximum" which has 14 volumes plus a little addon anthology book called "Multiple Bullets" (but I don't know much about it specifically). im on volume 11 and it is KILLING ME [positive]!! there was a movie, Badlands Rumble, in 2010, most people have kinda mixed feelings about it cause the characterization is questionable but I still like it. the latest rendition of it is Trigun Stampede, made by the same studio that made Beastars. you might also hear about "trigun omnibus"-- thats just a reprint of the manga condensed into 7 books instead of 14. Trigun Stampede was the first one I watched and its my personal favorite but I love all versions of it truly madly deeply. it's my absolute favorite kind of story: the kind that slow boils you like a frog, gradually getting more and more difficult to explain as it goes on, but that also makes it more and more difficult to get more people into it

the main character, Vash The Stampede, is a wanted gunman with a varying amount of money on his head depending on the rendition / point in time but usually 60 billion double dollars, except hes actually a pacifist who avoids violence if he can and refuses to kill. his designs vary between renditions (I think he wears like 7 different coats in the manga?) but generally, blonde spiky hair, orange glasses, prosthetic arm, red coat. trigun stampede is the most different design from the previous renditions, a lot simpler mostly (except for his arm, bane of many fanartists though I honestly really like drawing it) but basically hes my biggest blorbo I both love him and want to be him. people call him a twink but hes not hes built like a brick shithouse under the coat

hes usually accompanied by Wolfwood, religious trauma personified whos hard to describe because his personality varies the most between renditions-- though his design is pretty consistent across the board, wears a suit and carries a big wrapped-up cross thats actually a gun called "The Punisher". he's usually a priest, but in Stampede he's an undertaker. also before I knew what Trigun was when I saw people at a convention cosplaying him I thought he was a supernatural character

and Meryl and Milly (though Milly isn't in Trigun Stampede yet), who in most renditions are insurance agents assigned to follow Vash but then get attached to him like the sad pathetic wet cat he is

then theres Vash's fuckass twin brother who I hate, Millions Knives, edgelord supreme that, depending on the version, I either couldnt care less about or just flat out dislike. I'd probably see his appeal more if I didn't have sibling trauma but a lot of people are capital f Freaks about him and Vash's relationship the fandom has an incest ship problem worse than Homestuck its fucking dire out here and thats one of the contributing reasons I do not like him. its kindof hard to explain his motivations without spoiling pretty much the whole plot but hes the main antagonist of the story and basically just. a grown ass man consistently and obsessively trying to get his brother to side with him even though he wants to Kill and Vash does Not

theres a bunch more characters but ive already been typing for an hour about this and if I dont quit while im ahead ill be here all night and forget to eat. I will frantically half-explain Trigun to anyone who will listen because im DESPERATE to get more people into it without spoiling too much right out the gate (though usually I get way too ahead of myself and end up spoiling it anyway). my trigun hyperfixation probably borders on unhealthy but fuck it we ball

#ive been asked about my hyperfixation. TRIGUN BLAST #temper talks

[cryptidanathema]

jasper

Why I like them: He turned out to be a much more complicated character than he seemed to be on the surface. It took me until his literal last scene in the game to realize this but damn if that scene didn't paint all of his actions in a new light. Like yeah he's still a bastard but you saw WHY he became the way he did. How easily it all could have been avoided. How he and Hendrik deserved the chance to move past the lies that poisoned their relationship without him having to be a ghost living in his armor. It hurt in a weird way. He became my first true character hyperfixation and honestly opened my mind to engaging with fiction in a whole new way. No one deserves to be painted in the Crying Lucifer Painting pose more than him lol 

Why I don’t: I will forever have a chip in my shoulder that he didn't get a redemption arc, sorrynotsorry. Even Party Chat tries to desperately downplay the significance of the armor scene if you check it on the now-memorial balcony. On a lighter note the fact I missed 99.9% of the Piers fandom is entirely his fault because I was too busy hyperfixating on him lol. Also, the classism. The classism is bad, mkay? :P

Favorite line: His melodramatic evil speech in the throne room where he lists love first as something he's given up on is hard to beat. Also his final line in the game being "we will never be apart again'...yeah 🥲😭

Favorite outfit: The evil queen ensemble. It's so...very.  Exactly the sort of thing a raging disaster gay that designs his own outfits (according to the character book) that's devoted himself to eeevil would wear. 

OTP: He literally only makes sense as a character if you assume he was extremely, painfully gay for Hendrik and sublimating it in a WEIRD way. And Hendrik certainly showed enough signs of feeling the same way (the way he clutches his necklace to his chest after his death in the first timeline...) Mordegon and Heliodor's toxic monarchy just got in the way... 

Brotp: Jade was apparently just as close to him as she was to Hendrik but the game NEVER EXPLORES THIS AT ALL. Also I think he and Sylvando could have been absolute terrors together lol. And I've always liked the headcanons where he and Mia bond over their shared pain and rage at their (perceived) abandonment. 

Head Canon: Quite a few, so I'll just share one that he wrote the MOST emo poetry as a pining teen, something he will never admit to on pain of death as an adult. I'll also bring up the fact he's successfully taken over the world but still paying for cake as proof he's not as happy as he thought he'd be and eating his feelings about it in Act 2 lol

Unpopular opinion: No one reads deeply enough into him, everyone takes the bullshit he tells himself at face value even when he directly contradicts himself *eyetwitch* I often suspected I was literally the only person right about him lol. Also, the Gay Armor Marriage was incredibly touching, but not enough. He shouldn't have died at all. Also while I've read Jasper/Sylvando fic and enjoyed it before I don't really ship him or Hendrik with Sylv myself which kinda feels like a minority take in this fandom 

A wish: At this point I can only hope he gets the Psaro treatment where his death is avoided entirely when the game is rereleased in like 25 years 

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: I honestly don't want Square to revisit him, they treated him so harshly compared to other villains of the same caliber that pretty much got away with everything so yeah, just leave the angry wet cat man alone guys...

5 words to best describe them: Poor little meow meow supreme 💛

My nickname for them: Bastard son, the Purple Titty Monster (for Unbound obviously)

#Yep still abnormal about him #Ask game #Jasper dqxi #dragon quest xi #dqxi #dragon quest #shipping #HenJasp

[the-meme-monarch]

So you've drawn Spamton, the mentally unwell silly guy, but what do you actually think of him? Like his character I mean

he’s a really interesting and So So sad character ! i really like him! but i am exceedingly normal about him by comparison to just about every other person who really likes him. i like his story and how much more like. involved? in the plot it was compared to jevil’s (i also really like jevil, i am supremely sad it’s so easy to go through ch 1 w/o even hearing about him a single time) a particular favorite comparison of the two for me is how the shop keepers tell you about their chapter’s respective secret bosses, seam was jevil’s friend(?) and they give you a hint on how to free him, where as scc tell you about spamton and are just like “that dude was a freak. stink as fuck too.” Also sorry to derail this about my Actual favorite characters but i would’ve loved to have heard how scc’s interaction w spamton went down when he asked them to get the NEO suit. i wish somebody had asked him about scc during the spamton sweepstakes q&a. the only vague acknowledgment of them in it was that the berdly statue as one of the prizes but Nothing acknowledged them as the guys who built it. anyway sorry back to spamton. of all the characters to get a sweepstakes and extra out-of-game lore about i do think spamton was the most deserving, and his connection to noelle and parallel to kris is really neat ! overall, sopping wet sad mangey cat of a man. would love to give him a flea bath and a fresh dry cardboard box

#the monarch’s court #deltarune #saying ‘i really like him’ feels almost insignificant bc i really like. practically every utdr character #they’re all so full of life and love

[venndaai]

Poor Little Meow Meow Poll Round 1, Class Conscious Cringefail Archer Edition

my babies, my sweet cheese good time boys, my blorbos, my wettest of kittens.

ROBIN STEWART (Scottish Archer, would-be regicide, biggest loser in literature)

Qualifications:

I made a whole poll about this

but to summarize:

manipulated into becoming an assassin because of his class resentment

falls in love with his first assassination target, who happens to be the first person who has ever liked him

does not successfully assassinate anyone (but oh my god does he try)

vibes so bad he can't even successfully sell out his country because no one on the opposing team wants to talk to him

bitterly jealous of an 8 year old for being able to solve a riddle he couldn't

QUOTE: “You treat life, all of you, as if the world was a tilting ground. The lusty arts of leisure! When you're born to a mean spoon and a worn thread, when the only food in your mouth and the only clothes on your back and the only turf on your roof is your own bloody sweat, you get good heart out of all your braw hours of leisure, I can tell you!”

SU SHE | SU MINSHAN (the most dedicated villain henchman and Supreme Demonic Cultivator)

Qualifications:

as a scared teenager, made the selfish decision that he wanted to live and not die for his richie overlords

hated ever since

despised by the fandom for having bullyable vibes despite actually being a badass who made a lot of good points

insane little fucker who will cast a curse that turns his own chest into swiss cheese in order to horribly murder his bully. inspirational

insanely loyal to the man he loves just for remembering his name

dies trying to save him

QUOTE: “Lowlife? What right do you have to call him lowlife? All of you praise yourselves as decent clans and noble gentries. You're just counting on your lucky birth and powerful family. How could you look down upon us? Aren't we, peripheral disciples, also human? If I could have protected myself, would I have been threatened by others? Would I have been swept out of the Lan Clan like a pile of leaves?!”

(Feel free to vote even if you don’t know the canons! Which one has bigger wet cat vibes?)

#lymond blogging #mdzs blogging #plmm poll

[fantasykiri5]

Not watching miraculous is great actually because it means the characters can be however the fuck I want them to be in my brain and I don’t have to look at any of the canon ever. Examples:

Marinette is actually tall and chubbier and fucking ripped actually. Look at both of her parents, neither of them look like wet spaghetti noodles like canon Marinette does. I need less ‘wet spaghetti’ Marinette and more ‘bull in a china shop’ Marinette. She is still clumsy and uncool and super lame but she is not a fucking toothpick, she’s like menacing but so lame that after ten minutes of knowing her nobody is intimidated anymore. She works in a bakery and designs clothes and probably helps her dad lug around giant ass bags of flour and is a LITERAL SUPERHERO. Need more buff loser Marinette.

Adrien, on the exact opposite hand, needs to be the most pathetic wet rag of a man as possible. Loser boy supreme. Ladies swoon over him because of swagless charm. He’s stupid and goofy. He’s a weird cat boy superhero, he HAS to be weird and pathetic, he has to meet a monthly loser quota or he explodes.

#kiri rambles #miraculous ladybug #miraculous fandom #they are both fucking losers to me #but Adrien is a wet cat #and Marinette is a wet giant lion #key difference there.

[leofrith]

i am late but... din djarin for character asks? (i just want to know what fan takes are the worst asjksjks)

oh GODDDDDDDD never in my life have i wanted a character i love to get killed off so badly. jesus christ 💔

a song that reminds me of them: lonely feelings by love supreme

what they smell like: sweat and gunpowder. or whatever the star wars blaster equivalent of gunpowder is lmao

an otp: luke and omera!!! also boba is neat

a notp: i never want to see mayfeld on my screen ever again, love and light. also i've already talked about it but bo-katan could have been good if it had been executed with the bare minimum amount of care. but it wasn't. so when it inevitably happens in the finale this week i will not be coping.

favorite platonic/familial relationships: grogurt!!!! also the armorer and big brother paz. rip king gone too soon. also the din and ahsoka friendship that exists in my head. ❤️

a headcanon that is popular in the fandom but that i disagree with: girl....... so many. the way a ton of people in this fandom reduce his character to some vaguely sexist, hypermasculine badass who is aggressive all the time for no reason is so irritating. the sheer amount of fics that portray him as some kind of daddy dom or spicy latin lover stereotype is gross and it makes me actually insane. at worst, it's just fucking racist and at best, it's an extremely reductive way of looking at an otherwise very interesting character. there is a truly staggering amount of fic that is obvious, thinly-veiled p*dro pascal rpf that is only using the vague idea of din's character as proof that it's not actually rpf. and the fact that there is no way to reliably filter any of it because people refuse to tag their shit accordingly just makes it worse. this certainly isn't to say that this is an issue confined solely to x reader spaces. i know for a fact that a ton of dinluke writers do this too, which is why i rarely interact with the fandom anymore. also, the lack of nuance when people talk about din's faith is truly awe inspiring. people will see din's clan say "this is the way" and religiously cover their faces and will call it cult behaviour without a hint of critical thought. ah yes, cults, which are famous for letting their members come and go as they please and also teaching their members to be self sufficient. those cults. sure. anyway... i could go on for ages. but i'll finish this off with the fact that yesterday i saw someone say that din in a modern au would be a casually homophobic catholic, which aged me 10 years. do not watch star wars. never ever watch star wars.

the position they sleep in: canonically sleeps in a tiny ball in full armour to fit into his tiny bed on the razor crest (rip razor crest), in the pilot's seat with his arms crossed like a dad falling asleep in his recliner after dinner, or on his back like this:🧍‍♂️ that man has back problems i know he does.

a crossover au i’d love to see them in: i think that din and eivor would get along very well if they existed in the same universe. something about the shared sense of honour and their inability to pass by random people in need. but din as an assassin could also be very fun. me putting assassin's creed characters in star wars aus 🤝 me putting star wars characters in assassin's creed aus. i love bad media <3

my favorite outfit they’ve ever worn: he only has one!!! actually that's a lie, there was the stormtrooper disguise on morak (episode of all time) and the two iterations of his armor. i'm gonna go with his beskar armour but specifically when he has his helmet off while saying goodbye to grogu in the s2 finale. we could have had at least half a season of him looking like this while separated from his son. pathetic wet cat looking man. look at what they took from us.

send me a character and i will answer these questions!

#reiver you're making me say things that will have the x/reader stans hunting me for sport are you happy now? ARE you? #anyway i wrote another response to the headcanons question that was probably worded better and then tumblr nuked it all #i hope this website blows up actually <3 #thank you darling!! 💖 #answer #reiverreturns #ask games

[the-marble-magician]

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❝ ռօ ɖօʊɮt ɨ'ʍ a ɖaռɢɛʀ ❞

#do i have an original posting tag? #if i do‚ I don't remember it. #intro post

[lotusss-flowerbomb]

Nice To Meet You

Bucky x Wilson!reader

Warnings: 18+, Smut (duh, so kids go home.), Godzilla Vs Kong spoiler

A/N: I’m trying to get back to it. I’m so rusty, so please bear with me. 😩

Also, this story has unprotected sex. Remember that this is just fiction and if he ain’t got no rubber then he can’t be your lover.

Word Count: 3,554 (My bad.)

********

You pulled into the driveway of the home you shared with your older siblings and nephews. You popped the trunk before getting out in preparation to get the many groceries you'd just bought. 

You were bent over in the trunk when you heard a man's voice. 

"Excuse me?" He called out. 

You stopped what you were doing and turned to him. "Yes?" 

"Hi, I'm looking for Sam Wilson, does he live here?" He asked. 

"Yes, he does, but he isn't here right now." You answered. 

"Oh okay, um, I'm —" he started. 

"I know who you are," you interrupted him. I'm Y/N Wilson." 

"I didn't know Sam was married," he said shocked. 

You turned around and pulled a case of water from the trunk and gave it to him. Then sat another on top of it. 

"I'm not Sam's wife. I'm his youngest sister." You told him and hooked bags onto his arms. "This way," you led him to the large porch and into the house. 

You walked him into the kitchen where he set everything down, thanked him and pulled a bottle of water out of the fridge for him. 

"I didn't know Sam had a sister. It's nice to meet you," he reached out to shake your hand. 

You grabbed the gloved hand and shook it. 

"Sam won't be back until tomorrow. He and Sarah went to get supplies for the boat a few towns over and they’re staying the night." 

"Sam has a boat?" He asked, confused. 

"What exactly do you know about my brother?" 

"Not much, I guess," he shrugged. 

"Wow, a man risks his life and has to go on the run for two years because of you and you couldn't take the time to ask him about his life or family?" You raised your brow at him. 

"Okay, I deserved that," he agreed. 

"Mmm hmm," you turned to put the groceries away. 

"Uh, I'll come back tomorrow when Sam's here." 

"How'd you get here? I didn't see a car out there." 

"I kind of walked from the bus station," he scratched the back of his neck. 

"And where are you staying?" You followed up. 

"I'm good at figuring those things out." 

"Right," you rolled your eyes. "You can stay here tonight. I have to meet my brother and sister at the docks tomorrow and we can just ride up together." 

"Oh, no, I don't want to impose. I'll be fine." He insisted. 

"Have you eaten?" You asked. 

His stomach decided to growl loudly at that moment. It wasn't exactly unusual for Bucky to forget to eat. 

"I'm gonna fry some fish for lunch. The guest room is the third room on the left upstairs. You can put your things in there. Also, lose the gloves. You don't have to hide who you are here." 

Bucky smiled at your back and followed your instructions. He looked at all of the family photos on the wall as he made his way to the room. 

He felt bad for the twinge of jealousy in the pit of his stomach at how happy you all looked. He wished he still had photos of his family to look back on. 

Bucky put his bag on the big plush bed and changed his shirt. He was happy you said he didn't have to hide who he was there. It was hot as hell with those gloves on. 

********

When he returned to the kitchen you were already outside lighting up the deep fryer. 

"Anything I can help with?" He asked when he walked out onto the deck. 

"Absolutely, you can make the salad," you handed him the ingredients and a knife. 

The two of you worked in silence until you were finished and sat down to eat. 

"Thank you for letting me stay here," he finally said. 

"Of course, you're Sam's friend." 

"I don't know about friends. More like coworkers," he laughed. 

"Wow, is that a smile? You should do it more often. It's nice." You suggested. 

Bucky turned red. He couldn't remember when he was complimented last for a non violent act. 

"So, why are you here, Mr. Barnes?" 

"Just needed to talk to Sam about some things and you can call me Bucky." 

"I hope you aren't here to talk to him about the shield. We tried to talk him out of it at first, but he made a decision and just like the rest of us, you need to respect that." 

"He gave it away," he said with an attitude. 

"Actually, he didn't. He put it away, there's a difference. And maybe if you tried to understand his choices instead of having an attitude about it, you'd understand why he did what he did." You matched his fire. 

"Either way, I'm taking it back, because he deserves it. He's the only one who should have it." 

"I agree, but I won't let you give him anymore shit about what he felt was right." 

"I thought Sam was the superhero in this family?" He asked sarcastically. 

"Yeah, Sam protects the world and I protect Sam. You should be happy you're talking to me and not Sarah though, she would've punched you by now," you got up and took your empty plate inside. 

Bucky chuckled and watched as you walked away. His intention wasn't to come there and talk about the shield, but he still admired the way you had your brother's back. 

When you walked back out you had two drinks in your hands. You sat one down in front of him and went to your chair. 

"What's this?" He asked, looking at the red and orange drink. 

"A tequila sunrise. Heavy on the tequila," you sipped from your straw. 

"You know I can't get drunk, right?" 

"Seriously?" 

"Yeah, the serum speeds up my metabolism, so I can't get drunk," he shrugged as he took a huge gulp. 

"I'm sure that sucks." 

"You have no idea." 

You sat outside and talked until the sun went down and then you went inside to clean up the kitchen. You washed dishes while Bucky dried them off and put them away. 

Bucky's phone was sitting on the table when you first heard the familiar dating app notification sound. You ignored it, but by the third time you finally asked if he was gonna check it. 

"It's probably no one," he said. 

"No one? You're getting matches like crazy. Let's see if they're any good," you picked up the phone. 

"What? No, absolutely not." He took the phone from you. 

"Why not? You could potentially find the love of your life out here," you sat down and patted the seat of the chair next to you. 

He finally gave in and sat next to you. Bucky opened his dating app and the two of you looked through his potential baes. He was swiping left on most of them so quick that you had to stop him. 

"You're not even reading their bios. Give it a chance, jeez." 

He slowed down a bit. 

"Melissa, likes long walks on the beach and playing in the mud? Next." He swiped. 

"Ooh, she's cute. Ella, an aspiring model who loves comedy. And look at that, her favorite movie is Robocop," you bit your lip to hold in your laugh. 

"You're worse than Sam," he said annoyed and put his phone away. “And it’s Robocop 3. That’s like the worst one.”

"Oh come on, Bucky, give her a chance she has two dogs!" You laughed. 

"I'm more of a cat guy actually," he said. 

"You're adorable," you continued laughing, “let's go watch a movie," you put your hand out for him to grab and led him into the front room. 

You turned on the TV and scrolled through for something to watch and finally settled on Godzilla Vs Kong figuring the action would be fun. 

"Five bucks says Godzilla kicks the crap out of Kong," you said. 

"What?? King Kong was first. It's only right that he reigns supreme in this situation," he countered. 

"Put up or shut up, Buck," you shrugged. 

He pulled the money from his wallet and sat it on the table. 

Halfway through the movie you were both talking smack to one another. Bucky hadn't even realized how comfortable he'd become. Your legs were across his lap and he was holding them in place. Casually rubbing circles on your thigh every few minutes. 

When Godzilla pinned Kong down and the fight seemed to be over, you jumped up in celebration. 

"Yessss!!!! The dinosaur for the winnnn!!" You danced in front of him. 

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, show off," he chuckled. 

You finished the remainder of the movie teasing one another along the way, when it ended you went up to get ready for bed. 

*******

Once you were done with your shower you put on your pajamas and went to the guest room to check on Bucky. 

He was standing in the window shirtless with his jeans unbuttoned looking out into the dark yard. You stared at his back. Your eyes tracing his entire body. 

You shifted your stance as you felt your body starting to react to the sight of him. Your pussy was getting wet causing you to forget why you'd even gone to the room in the first place. 

"Everything okay?" You heard his voice break your thoughts. 

"Hmm? Um, yeah, I was just coming to make sure you didn't need anything before I went to bed?" 

"No, I'm okay, thank you." He smirked. "You know you can just ask whatever you want to know." 

You walked further into the room never taking your eyes off where his flesh ended and his metal arm began. You reached up to touch him and he flexed his arm a little causing the plates to shift. 

You jumped back slightly before running your finger down the cool metal and then touching the scar he had. 

"Does it hurt?" You asked quietly. 

"Not anymore, but I still remember the pain," he answered. 

"You're a nice guy, Bucky and I really wish that this never had to happen to you. Although, I can't lie and say that I don't think it's really cool." You ran your fingers over the metal again. 

He took your chin in between his fingers and redirected your gaze to his eyes. He's wanted to kiss you since lunch and has been doing his best to hold back out of respect for his friend. 

"Can I kiss you?" He said barely above a whisper. 

You didn't even answer, just pressed your lips to his. The kiss was needy. You'd both been craving each other all day. He let his hands fall to the small of your back and you wrapped your arms around his neck. 

Bucky picked you up and was leading you over to the bed when you could hear your phone ringing in the other room. You broke the kiss and he lowered you to the floor. 

"Shit!" You ran from the room. 

You picked up the phone and saw that it was Sam trying to FaceTime you. You hurried to answer. 

"Hey bro!" You said happily. 

"What you doing? What took you so long?" He immediately asked. 

"I was downstairs when I heard the phone, rudeness," you lied. 

Sam just looked at you. He could always tell when you were lying. Even one as small as that. You decided to switch the subject before he asked more questions. 

"Hey so guess who stopped by?" You said as you walked down the hall to the other room. 

You peeked into the guest room before going in. Bucky had put his shirt back on and stood when he saw you coming in. You stood next to him and put him in the camera. 

" Hi, Sam," Bucky said dryly. 

It may have seemed like a normal greeting, but he was really annoyed that he'd interrupted a moment he'd built up the courage to have all day. 

"Hey, what are you doing in my house Wall-E?" He chuckled. 

"I came to talk to you, but you're obviously not here." 

"Yeah, I put him up in the guest room for the night and we'll meet you down at the docks tomorrow." 

"Alright... You'd better not be getting sweet on my baby sister either," he cut his eyes at Bucky. 

"First of all, my sex life is none of your business. Secondly, there is no sweetness." You rolled your eyes. "Where's Sarah?" 

"You know she needs an hour long shower before bed just like you," he responded in a snarky tone. 

"Well, I'm going to bed, so tell her I said goodnight. I love y'all and we'll see you tomorrow." You said before hanging up. 

You put your phone on the charger for the night and when you turned around Bucky was standing at the door. 

"Goodness!" You yelled as you pressed a hand to your chest. 

He didn't say anything, just rushed over and started kissing you again. This time, even hungrier. 

Your tongues met and your body tingled. His hand gripped beneath your thigh as the other held him up. 

You broke the kiss to pull his shirt over his head. The few seconds felt like an eternity for Bucky. He never wanted to take his lips off you, but he did once more. 

"Are you sure about this?" He asked as he trailed kisses down your body. 

He was finally on his knees in front of you. Face in between your thighs. 

"I need to hear you say it, doll." He kissed one thigh. 

"Yes," you breathed. 

"Yes, what?" He kissed the other thigh further down. 

"I'm sure, Bucky. I want you. Please," you buried your fingers in his hair. 

He licked your clit slowly at first. Taking you all in and tasting your nectar. It had been so damn long since he had such a pretty pussy in his face. 

You could hear him moaning as he sucked and slurped on your clit. 

"Ooh, fuck baby, yes," you moaned. 

Bucky's dick was screaming for release from his jeans. It was pressing hard against the fabric and ready for your touch, but he wasn't done with you just yet. 

He spread your thighs wider and stuck his tongue in your tight pussy. He tongue fucked you until you felt your first orgasm approaching. You reached down and started rubbing your clit. 

"Yeah, play with that pussy. Good girl," he praised. 

You rubbed faster. Bucky stuck his tongue back inside and let you fuck his face some more. Your legs shook and the warm juices flowed onto his tongue. He moved your hand and licked from your hole to your clit. 

"Told you I was more of a cat guy," he smiled. 

"Shut up and share," you grabbed his face and stuck your tongue out to taste yourself on his lips. 

You pushed his pants down and tried to flip him, so you could take him into your mouth, but he wouldn't budge. 

"No, need you now," he said as he slowly pushed inside of you. "Fuck," he said in your ear. 

He paused. He knew that if he moved he'd embarrass himself for sure, but you were so wet and tight. Fitting him perfectly. 

Bucky buried his face in the crook of your neck as he slowly started to move inside of you. Allowing you to adjust to him without hurting you too much. 

"You feel so good." 

Hearing you say that made him pick up the pace. He rolled his hips faster and pushed your knees to your chest. He wanted you to feel every last inch of him inside of you. 

He ripped your night shirt in half and exposed your breasts, watching them jiggle as he slammed into your pussy. 

Now he wanted to watch something else jiggle, so he pulled out and turned you on to your stomach. He pulled you up by the waist onto your knees and slid his hard cock back inside of you. 

"Fuck me," he demanded as he slapped each of your ass cheeks. 

You obliged and threw your ass back on his slick coated dick and he watched your ass bounce in the process. He knew he wasn't going to last long like this. 

"That's it, doll, fuck me. I wanna cum in that pretty little mouth of yours." He said. 

His words caused you to cum. Your pussy clenched around him so tight and you knew when you heard the soft, "Oh fuck," leave his lips that he was about to explode. 

Bucky pulled out of you and stood on the bed. He pumped his warm thickness into your waiting mouth while moaning loudly. 

When he was done, you let some of the cum drip from your tongue. He slapped his dick in it and you swallowed the rest. 

"Good girl," he dropped to his knees and kissed you roughly. 

He fell back onto the bed taking you with him. You laid on his arm and traced his jawline with your finger. 

"You're beautiful," he said to you. 

"Thank you," you smiled. 

"Should I start you another bath?" 

"No, I can take one in the morning." 

"Good, because I don't want you to leave anyway." He kissed your forehead. 

"Get some rest," you told him. 

He looked tired and you could tell that he sleeps horribly at night. 

Bucky closed his eyes. You waited for a few minutes before going to the bathroom to clean up. When you came back and laid down, he immediately wrapped his arms around you. 

You snuggled into his chest and drifted off to sleep.

********

When you awoke the next morning Bucky's arms were still wrapped around you. 

"Good morning," he said and planted a kiss on your shoulder. 

"How'd you know I was awake?" Your voice still laced with sleep. 

"Your breathing changed," he kissed you again. 

You could feel his hard cock pressing against your ass. His metal hand traced a cool trail between your breasts and down to your clit. 

You spread your legs to give him better access and then your phone started ringing. You rolled eyes when you saw Sam's name. This is the second time he's ruined your moment. 

"Hello?" You answered with an attitude. 

"Well good morning to you too, sunshine," he said. 

"Samuel, it's literally," you looked at your phone for the time, "shit, it's 10am??" 

"Yeah, exactly you slept in. Get your butt up." 

Bucky didn't care that Sam was on the phone. He slid his fingers inside your pussy and pumped them slowly. Your body quivered beneath his touch. 

"I'm getting — I'll call you when we're on the way." You quickly hung up. 

Bucky chuckled. He moved his fingers faster inside of you and sucked a nipple into his mouth. 

Your orgasm was so close and then he pulled his fingers out. Your eyes popped open and the satisfied smirk on his face let you know that he'd done it on purpose. 

"Next time, don't answer the phone, doll." He kissed your lips and walked towards the door. "Oh and don't even think about touching yourself." He said before he disappeared. 

He was out of his mind. You quickly grabbed your toy from your drawer and went into the bathroom. You turned on the shower and sucked the vibrator into your mouth to wet it. 

You put your foot up on the tub and slowly fucked yourself with the toy. Your eyes were pinched shut and you were so into what you were feeling that you hadn't heard the door open. 

Bucky watched as you pleasured yourself. He was turned on by the sight, but pissed, because he told you not to. He walked over and snatched the toy from you. Covering your mouth, so you couldn't scream. 

"Now, I remember telling you not to do this, doll." He moved his hand and nipped at your collar bone. 

"No, you told me not to touch myself. I used the toy," you said. 

"Real cute," he growled. 

He put the toy on the counter and walked you into the shower. He got down on his knees and started eating your pussy again. 

He should've been punishing you, but instead he was treating himself. Bucky knew in that moment that you were now his addiction. 

You gripped his hair while he held on to the leg that was thrown over his shoulder. 

"I want to feel you. Please," you begged. 

He wanted to deny you, but he simply couldn't. Your wish was his command. 

He stood and lifted you up, slowly sliding you down on his hard dick. He was sure to keep you against the wall, so your hair wouldn't get wet. 

Bucky fucked into you slowly. Enjoying the feeling of your slick walls. He wanted to stay inside of you forever. 

"I'm gonna cum, baby!" You mewled. 

You heard him grunt in response. He was close himself and when you tighten your grip around him he exploded inside of you. 

You bit his neck as your own orgasm washed over you. He finally let you down and the two of you finished the shower together.

Bucky had no clue how he'd break this news to Sam, but he knew he had to, because there was no way he wanted to ever go without your touch again. 

********

#Bucky x reader #Bucky Barnes #bucky x you #Smut #marvel smut #marvel fanfic #Avengers #falcon and the winter soldier