#'no matter what baby' fundamentally changed me

[st-eve-barnes]

Leverage (Michael Gavey x fem Reader)

Chapter 5

Summary: When your ex threatens to release some very personal videos you are left with no choice but to do what he asks: seduce the biggest nerd on campus, Michael Gavey. Will you rock his world or will he fundamentally change yours?

This chapter: You and Michael spend more and more time together, making you forget all about the reason for your arrangement, until Ben reminds you...

Word count: +4300

Warning for the entire fic: 18+ for explicit content and language. Kissing, oral sex (male & fem receiving), dry humping, hand job, fingering, p in v sex. First kiss and loss of virginity. Experienced reader. Enemies to lovers vibes.

Fluff, smut and of course angst (my favorite combination! lol)

Read the first chapters Here

(I FINALLY watched Saltburn over the weekend and I finally get why people are going crazy over it, I loved it so much!)

***

All my fics are also on AO3

***

“Fuck,” you breathed heavily, biting your bottom lip to keep your moans quiet,”Please…right there…oh god, Michael, please.”

Your hands were gripping the sheets, back arching off the bed. Not yours but Michael’s bed. You were in his room, his small but immaculately clean room. And you weren’t here to study math.

The nerd you had never spoken a word two barely three weeks ago was now nestled comfortably in between your legs, half naked and with his tongue so far up your cunt you were close to your 4th orgasm of the afternoon.

“Fuck”, you whined again,”Michael, I…I can’t…it’s too much…please.”

He looked up at you through foggy glasses, his hair a mess, cheeks burning red and his mouth covered in your arousal. The sight alone was too much for you to take and you could feel your walls spasming around nothing.

“Come on, baby, you can give me one more, can’t you?” he asked, but before you could answer he was licking your clit again.

You moaned out loud, hands now tangled in his hair, torn between pushing him away or pulling him in even closer. You were completely overstimulated, yet desperate to come one last time. You were so close yet so far.

“Breathe, sweetheart. Focus on my mouth, nothing else matters, just feel me,” Michael pleaded, his large hand covering yours in a gentle squeeze while he started fucking you with his tongue again.

How was he the one in control all of a sudden? When did this happen?

He’d been nervous as hell when you came up to his room earlier that day, he was fidgety and more quiet than usual. He had asked to meet you for another tutoring session and you’d agreed to meet up in his room.

When you asked him if there was something specific he wanted to try he had blushed so deep and turned into a stuttering mess right before your eyes. The whole thing had made your heart melt for him again.

It had taken him about fifteen minutes to get the words out and ask you for what he wanted, his voice a trembling mix of nerves and hunger combined with curiosity.“I want to eat you out,,” he’d eventually confessed,” I want…to kiss you there, lick you until you can’t stand it no more and then…I want to feel you come on my tongue. Is that…can I, please?”

You had swallowed hard at his words, wetness pooling in your panties at his request.

“Can you teach me?” he begged, insecurity and eagerness in his pleading blue eyes.

He’d been too rough at first, too eager and too nervous to let himself enjoy it but once you guided him through it, told him to focus on your body and the way it reacted to him, he’d gotten the hang of it so fast.

That was two hours ago and apparently it had been enough to turn Michael into a pussy eating champion.

Right now he was kissing your clit, slowly, giving you some time to calm down and prepare you for your next climax. He knew your body couldn’t take much more but he was determined to make you fall apart for him one last time. The feeling of you surrendering to him, soaking his mouth in your arousal, made him feel all powerful. It was addictive as fuck, and it only made him want more and more.

His one hand was firmly placed on your inner thigh, keeping you open for him while the other explored every part of your body he could reach, caressing your skin and moving up to squeeze your tits every now and then.

He’d been hard the moment you had taken off your clothes but he was happy to ignore his own needs to focus on yours today.

You moaned when his mouth moved down and he pushed his tongue deep inside of you, nose pressing up deliciously against your clit, encouraging you to grind against him.

“Fuck,” you whimpered,”Oh god, please…please…”

Michael looked up at you with a smirk,”What are you begging for, sweetheart? Tell me.”

“Can I…grind against your face a little, please?” you begged, taken aback by the desperation in your own voice. He had you reduced to a whimpering, pleading mess and you didn’t even care.

“Of course you can, sweetheart,” he answered with a satisfied grin and he grabbed both your legs and pulled them over his shoulders, dragging you even closer.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” you whispered hesitantly.

“You won’t,” he reassured you and he gave one slow lick over your folds before sucking gently on your clit.

“Oh god,” you whimpered,”Don’t stop…please. Please, Michael, don’t stop…shit…”

He halted his movements to lock eyes with you for a moment,”I won’t stop until you come in my mouth, okay? I want you to…take what you need, ride my face, do whatever….okay?”

You had lost the ability to speak but you nodded quickly, biting your lip.

Just before he put his mouth back on you, you stopped him. “Wait!”

“What?” Michael asked.

“If I’m hurting you just…double tap on my thigh here, okay? And I’ll stop.”

“You’re not going to hurt me,” he smiled softly,”Relax for me, okay?”

You nodded again and then all your hesitations fell away when his tongue pushed deep inside your walls.

It didn’t take long for you to do what he asked of you and grind yourself against his face. His nose rubbing your clit in the most perfect way and then you were falling apart. Your entire body started shaking and Michael didn’t relent, licking you through every last wave of it until you thought you had ascended to a better place. Your body, and soul, were completely spent afterwards.

Michael’s hand found yours again, locking your fingers together and gently rubbing your skin with his thumb while he kept slowly kissing your folds and then your inner thighs and stomach, his kisses slowing down with the rhythm of your heart. Your hands found his hair and you caressed his scalp gently, his name a quiet whisper on your lips, putting a smile on his face.

He stayed in bed with you the rest of that afternoon, never pushing for anything more except to hold you and talk to you. Michael may have grown bolder in his pillow talk during these last two weeks you’d been seeing each other, but outside of that he was still a closed book and a mystery to you. You were still trying to get him to come out of his shell and get to know him better, page by page.

“Tell me about your parents,” you asked as you both lay against the head of the bed, his head on your stomach and your hands gently tracing patterns over his shoulders and back.

“Not much to tell,” he shrugged,”They both have mediocre jobs and a mediocre life, working for rich cunts that make all the money while my parents work their buts off and barely make enough to get by.”

The bitterness in his tone was harsh and unforgiving.

“My dad works overtime every week and they still can’t afford a nice holiday or a bigger house,” he continued,”And they never will, because the system fucks people like them.”

You caressed his hair and he sighed softly before looking up into your eyes.

“That’s not going to be my life,” he then said, determined.

You gave him a warm smile,”There’s nothing mediocre about you, Michael Gavey.”

His lips curled into a gentle smile when he met your eyes.”My mum noticed I was different very early on, I was always smarter than all the other kids, especially when it came to numbers and stuff. I could just do it, without even thinking. But…other kids didn’t understand, they thought I was a weirdo. It got worse in high school, got bullied a lot.”

His eyes left yours and he gently pressed his face into the crook of your neck while he closed his eyes, pushing away those memories. Your arms wrapped around him to hug him closer.

“Kids can be cruel,” you spoke softly,”Especially at the age where they should know better.”

“Yeah,” he sighed, coming back to you and looking at you again,”Anyway, I know I’m smarter than all those pricks and my future will be brighter than theirs, and better than mum and dad’s. That’s why I don’t believe in wasting time with stupid distractions like drinking and partying. Graduating is the only thing that matters.”

”So…what is this then? You and me? Is this not a distraction from your big studies?” you teased.

He smiled bashfully and moved to place himself on top of you, caging you between his arms,”This is not a distraction, this is…gaining some much needed experience and useful skills that will serve me well later on in life.” He softly kissed your jaw and you laughed.

“Is that so?”

“Hmm, you are an amazing tutor and you’ve been really good to me ,” he continued while moving his kisses down your neck and pressing himself up against you. He was hard again. Your arms wrapped around his shoulders while his hands moved to push up your top, to reveal yourself to him again. “So, so good to me,” he repeated in a whisper before his tongue circled around your nipple and he bucked his hips, letting you feel his full clothed erection against your bare center.

“Michael,” you moaned.

“Can I fuck you now? Please?” he breathed against your skin.

You nodded instantly, pushed his sweatpants over his ass and welcomed him in between your tight, wet heat.

***

During the next few weeks you kept meeting up with him as often as you both could, sneaking off to either his or your room to spend the night in bed together. He was still a little insecure at times but the awkward virgin from the beginning was slowly starting to transform into someone bolder and more confident, not just in his actions but his words as well.

You had gotten to know him better than anyone in this short period of time. Sometimes you still wanted to kick him in the head for how blunt he could be, but he always made up for it with his sweet, adorable side. And with sex, of course.

You were starting to forget what started this whole thing between you and him.

But of course Ben was there to remind you.

You had just picked up some books from the library and were on your way out when he intercepted you in one of the corridors. He blocked your way out, arms crossed over his chest and a smug grin on his face.

“What?” you sighed annoyed.

“I underestimated you, I didn’t think you could actually do it,” he simply stated.

“Do what?”

“Fuck him stupid.”

“That’s not…that’s not what happened,” you sighed impatiently. You just wanted to get to your room and get some studying done before meeting up with Michael later and most of all you wanted to get away from Ben but he wasn’t budging.

“Are you sure?” he teased,”Because he messed up so bad in class today, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing with my own two eyes, Michael Gavey lost for words and unable to answer a question, I never thought I’d see the fucking day. It was so awesome, you should have been there.”

He laughed and your stomach turned.

“What happened?” you asked, worried.

“I don’t know, you tell me, it was a basic question even I could have answered but he totally fucking short circuited or something. What did your pussy do to him, darling?”

It took everything in you not to hit him for real this time but you took a deep breath and looked into his eyes,”First of all, I’m not your darling, don’t call me that, ever again. And secondly, you’ve lost all rights to talk or even think about my pussy so shut the fuck up.”

He just shrugged,”Fine, whatever, it wasn’t that great anyway.”

Now it was your turn to laugh,”Your dick obviously disagreed with that, if I recall correctly he couldn’t get enough of it.”

He rolled his eyes but you could see a little crack in his armor,”I can’t talk about your cunt but you talking about my dick is fine? Double standards much?”

“You are the dick, Ben,” you pointed out, earning you another laugh from him before his eyes rested on yours.

“He fucks you as good as I did then?” he asked.

“Better,” you answered with a smug smile on your face,”So much better.”

Finally he had no come back and stayed quiet.

“Now, if you please get out of my way so I can go see him,” you  asked but you didn’t wait for him to move, one hand pushing his shoulder so you could step past him.

“The test for that job is next week,” Ben pointed out, making you stop in your tracks.

“And?”

“And? You know what our deal was, don’t you? You distract Michael so he fails the test and I can take his spot.”

“Look, I’m not responsible for what happens with that test. I’ve fucked him, like you asked.”

Ben just shook his head,”And it all means nothing unless I win that position.”

You turned back to look at him, your newly found confidence fading quickly when you met the determination in his eyes and realized you were completely fucked in this scenario.

”But…there’s nothing I can do about that,” you pointed out hesitantly,”I’ve done what you asked of me, what else can I do?”

That smug annoying ass grin was back on his face,”That’s not my problem, darling, I’m sure you’ll think of something. Don’t sweat it, there’s still time.”

And with that he was gone.

***

Michael noticed your teary eyes as soon as he walked into your room that night. You were sitting on your side of the bed, trying very hard not to show him how upset you were.

“Oh, hi,” you tried to give him your best smile but he saw right through it.

Having spent more and more time together he could read you better than anyone by now.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked.

“Nothing,” you tried to brush it off, shrugging your shoulders and looking up at him, fake smile plastered on your face,”How was your day? Did you do anything fun?”

Michael snorted.”Fun? No, not really,” he stepped to your side of the bed and sat down, a little grin spreading on his lips,”But I’m about to do something fun now.”

The tone in his voice made you laugh and you could not be more grateful for it, because for a moment you forgot your tears.”Oh, you are?” you teased.

Michael crawled onto the bed until he was lying on your pillow, his hand reaching out to grab yours and pull you with him. You followed eagerly, straddling his lap.

“But first,” he interrupted you,”You’re going to talk to me. What happened today? What got you so upset?”

“I’m not upset,” you lied, annoyed,“And I don’t want to talk, I want to fuck.”

“We’re not fucking until you tell me what’s wrong.”

“Oh really?” you teased him and you rolled your hips against his crotch, feeling him instantly harden beneath you.

Michael pulled his bottom lip between his teeth to bite back a moan, his hands grabbing your waist to try and hold you still,”Stop that, that’s not…fair..shit.”

You continued your efforts, dragging your clothed pussy over his cock while your hand sank underneath his shirt to caress his stomach. His cock was so hard already you barely had to do anything else. The power you held over him was intoxicating but then Michael grabbed your hands, a bit more forcefully this time while he stared into your eyes.

“I said fucking stop that and talk to me,” he insisted, raising his voice a little but that only spurred you on and when you bucked your hips against him harder his protest died in a needy moan.

“You were saying?” you teased him again, biting your own lip now.

You were only wearing panties underneath your long t-shirt and you could feel him press up against your clit too perfectly. You could probably come just from doing this, he wouldn’t even have to take his pants off.

Michael’s fingers sank into your hips and you could see the dilemma playing in his head. Does he give in or does he keep pushing for you to open up to him? You could tell he was close to losing the battle.

“You’re the student,” you reminded him, placing your hands on his chest,”I’m the tutor. I decide what happens next.”

Before you could make your next move Michael grabbed your ass and moved you off of him, then pushed you down onto the bed and switched positions with you. He was pinning you down to the bed now, a look of victory in his beautiful blue eyes.

“You were saying?” he teased with a smirk.

You were too stunned to speak for a moment. You tried to move your hips again, trying to regain control but he was the one in the position of power now, his weight strong enough to hold you down on the bed without even trying.

“And thus the student becomes the master,” Michael teased with a dorky grin.

“Master?” you scoffed,”Please, you are so full of yourself.”

“No, I’m not,” he denied and he leaned closer to press his lips to your ear, ”But you’d like to be, wouldn’t you? Full of me.”

He pressed his dick up against your clothed pussy to accentuate his words and you knew you were leaving a wet stain on his cargo pants when he started dry humping you.

“Michael,” you whined.

“Are you sure you’re in charge here, sweetheart?” he continued his teasing, biting your earlobe,”Rubbing that wet little cunt all over my dick like a pathetic needy whore that can’t wait to be filled.”

“Fuck,” you whimpered,”Hey, that’s not…that’s not fair! We haven’t covered dirty talk yet, you can’t…fuck…you can’t run ahead of the lessons like that. How did you…?”

Michael just laughed into your neck,”I’m a fucking genius, did you forget? Self study. Now stay still.”

He tried to hold you down with one hand while the other unbuckled his belt and pulled his pants down to free his cock.

Now it was your turn to feel victorious and you smirked up at him.“I thought we weren’t fucking before I talked?” you reminded him.

“Change of plans,” he simply stated while spreading your legs and pressing his leaking cock against your folds,”I’ll fuck you first and then we’ll talk.”

Without any further warning he sank his cock deep inside your tight heat, shutting you both up.

Michael pressed his forehead to yours and let out a shaky breath, his gaze locking with yours, taking a few moments before he started fucking you slowly.

Your legs locked around him, forcing him in deeper and he whimpered against your neck.“God, fuck.”

“Go on then, master,” you teased,”Show me what you’ve learned.”

His one hand came to rest on your hip, caressing you softly while his mouth hovered over the curve of your neck. His breath was like fire on your skin, his thrusts slow and patient. Too slow, too shallow, you needed so much more of him and he was holding it just beyond your reach. He was purposely teasing you. And by god was it working.

“Please,” you begged.

“Please what, baby?” Michael breathed.

“More,” you whispered,”I need more of you, please.”

You sighed in relief when he finally started kissing your neck. His hand travelled up and under your shirt to caress your tits, thumb brushing over your nipples when he squeezed softly. You couldn’t hold back your moans any longer.

Your hips were moving along with his, urging him on to speed things up.

“Shhh,” Michael shushed you with more kisses and pushed your shirt up higher,”Take this off.”

You obliged so eagerly it put a satisfied smile on his face. Then his kisses moved down lower until his mouth wrapped around your nipple.

“Michael,” you whined, arching into him and running your fingers through his hair.

He continued giving your breasts his full attention until he felt your walls starting to squeeze around him.

“Oh, you like that a lot, huh?” he grinned proudly, continuing his slow torture with his tongue, all the while keeping eye contact.

You nodded and bit your lip,”God, yes…don’t stop.”

“Am I a good student, miss?” he asked with a teasing smile.

You no longer had to answer him with words, your pussy was doing it for you, clenching hard as your first orgasm started. Michael’s hand moved down to your clit, circling it fast and helping you to fall over the edge with a desperate moan, face buried into his neck.

It didn’t take long for Michael to pick up the pace after that, there were no more teasing words, only desperate little moans as he fucked you into the mattress until you both came again.

“Fuck, you’re becoming way too good at this,” you breathed as you were both lying on the bed afterwards, coming down from the high.”Soon you won’t need my tutoring anymore, huh?” you teased.

Michael looked at you with a sudden serious expression on his face,”No, but…I…I still need so much practice, I was just kidding around when I said that master thing, you know, I didn’t mean…”

“Chill out, I’m just messing with you,” you reassured him.

He gave you a hesitant, hopeful smile,”So we can keep fucking?”

You laughed and nodded your head,”Yeah, we can keep fucking, if you’d like.”

“Cool,” he smiled, more confident now and he turned on his side to look at you,”Yeah, I would like that.”

He was wearing nothing but his boxers, you were only wearing his t-shirt and it surprised you how comfortable you felt around him like this. There was no need to pretend with Michael, he accepted you exactly as you were. He wanted you exactly as you were.

Michael noticed your thoughts drifting off.

“Hey, talk to me,” he urged you.

You looked into his eyes with a sigh, knowing you couldn’t keep avoiding it forever.

“It’s Ben, I ran into him earlier,” you confessed.

“What did he do now?”

“The test for that job is next week.”

“Yeah, and?”

“He felt the need to remind me that…if you get the job, me and him don’t have a deal and he’s going to spread that video,” you told him.

Michael looked at you for a moment before he gently took your hand in his, locking his fingers with yours while his thumb brushed your skin. “Then I won’t take the job,” he simply stated, making you look up at him in shock.

You shook your head,”No, what? Are you mad? You want that job.”

He shrugged his shoulders,”Not if it’s going to ruin your life.”

“No,” you insisted,”I can’t let you do that for me, this is your future, everything you’ve worked for.”

“It’s my decision, okay?” Michael reminded you with a little smile but you just hit him on the shoulder.

“You’re not thinking straight right now, you’re thinking with your dick, Michael! The Michael I knew a few weeks ago would have never…”

“The Michael you knew?” he laughed,”You never even looked at me twice before then, babe, you sure as hell didn’t know shit about me a few weeks ago, don’t act like you knew me,” he interrupted you, his gaze meeting yours in a serious look. You stayed quiet.

“He said something else as well,” you then spoke softly,”He told me you messed up in class.”

Michael rolled his eyes,”That was nothing, it happens to anyone.”

“But not to you though, does it?”

Your eyes locked with his and he nodded his head with a sigh.”Not usually, no,” he confessed.

“What happened?” you asked.

“Nothing,” he lied.

“It’s me, isn’t it? I’m a distraction.”

“No, you’re not,” he tried to reassure you,”I was just tired.”

“Because I kept you up all night!” you pointed out but Michael kept shaking his head, not allowing you to take any blame.

“Sweetheart,” he sighed.

”I don’t want this, okay?” you spoke firmly,”You being distracted in class, passing up on the biggest opportunity in your life? For me? I don’t want that responsibility, Michael. You told me just last week how important this all is for you, how it’s everything that matters and you’re going to make a better life for yourself. How can I stand in the way of that?”

He sighed and nodded his head, finally letting your words sink in.

“Promise me you’ll take the test and get that job,” you asked him,”Promise me, Gavey.”

“Okay, fine,” he nodded, finally caving and letting his eyes meet yours,”I promise, I’ll take the job and we’ll just…we’ll find another way to deal with Ben.”

You laughed bitterly,“What other way?”

“I know someone who might be able to help us, it’s a bit of a long shot but…”

“I don’t know, Michael, maybe I should just accept my fate," you sighed defeated.

“No, come on, don’t give up,” he grabbed your hand again and placed a quick kiss on your knuckles,”We can think of something, we can still find a scenario in which we both win.”

You gave him a smile but it didn’t quite reach your eyes. You wanted to believe him, wanted to believe there was a way out of this.

But you just couldn’t see a scenario in which you could both win.

There was one in which you both lose, and it was closing in on you sooner than you’d like.

#michael gavey x reader #michael gavey smut #michael gavey x you #michael gavey #ewan mitchell fanfic #michael gavey x fem reader

[abbyshands]

YESSSS, imma piggy back on what you said real quick. Most people understand the concept of sex and the basic acts of sexual intercourse by middle school/the age of 12. It’s really not that hard to grasp and whether they’ve indulged in those certain acts or not doesn’t change the fact that they most likely know what it is.

So when people try to pass it on or even justify it as “well it’s an innocent reader/mc” or even “it’s just fiction” it doesn’t matter, you’re writing about someone and/or something in a childlike connotation. Who is actually saying or responding to “oh my cunny this” or “my private parts this” 🧍🏾‍♀️ Like be actually so real please. I’m telling you dude some of them like children and don’t wanna say it.

Don’t get me started on that “corruption” shit either cause a lot of y’all (whoever this applies to) are openly admitting to wanting to “ruin someone’s innocence” in your writing and it’s not cute like yall think it is😭

tw // pedophilia, csa

for fucking real. for the “corruption” kink, to be honest, it’s bearable as long as it isn’t to the degree of an overly innocnet “adult” reader, who may as well be a baby/child. but let’s be so serious: you’ll have had sex ed classes in high school if you’re an adult, regardless of “innocence,” etc, or religion, per say, because that seems to be an excuse people use to play off a “pure” reader who’s really more childlike when it comes down to it. you can be a virgin, “pure,” think sex is immoral, blahblahblah, while knowing its core fundamentals, and the basic concept. there’s no reason in hell an adult reader shouldn’t know where their clit/hole is, where a penis is inserted into a vagina, what cumming is, how sexual intercourse works as a general consensus, etc. there’s no reason your reader or your main character should be yapping ab a “cunny,” “clitty,” “private/princess parts,” “potty,” etc. are you fucking kidding me?

and then people are seriously bending over backwards to defend it? i mean, let’s be real, you’re not earning any points here. why are you defending a phenomenon where people find sexual pleasure, sexual arousal, in behaving like a baby/child during sexual intercourse? does that not sound unbelievably repulsive, or have i lost all common sense? i mean, fucking honestly. people need to get a grip. quit playing off coquette-ified pedophilia as a kink, because as a csa survivor, as someone who has seen what it’s like to put your trust into an adult as a child, then have them violate the shit out of you sexually, you fucking repulse me. i’m sick of seeing it all over my home page and it being so goddamn normalized. it’s triggering and i find it absolutely horrific. weird isn’t even the word: people. are fucking. sick.

#idec at this point ‘ y’all need help fr #abby anderson #abby anderson x reader #abby anderson smut #ellie williams #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams smut #the last of us #tlou #tlou2

[jkrockin]

Wait what guy who hadn't read Atlas Shrugged?

I was pretty sure I'd told this story here, but a cursory search suggests that I have not. Okay let's gooooo

Many moons ago, I worked in an emergency services call centre. I worked nights- I could get regular shifts, it paid well, and I am a huge freak, just like everyone else who works nights in a call centre. It is a lifestyle that attracts freaks. Some of my coworkers weren't full-time creatures of the night, but students or whoever who picked up occasional nights for the extra money, and one of them was Libertarian Shithead, who we'll call LS for short.

LS was a twentysomething white dude who wore a lot of name brand surfwear and designer sunglasses. I assume his parents were rich. LS loved nothing better than recreational arguing. Unfortunately, he wasn't very good at it; he had some of the most dogshit opinions I've ever encountered in the wild, and was terrible at defending them. He'd say some crap about how Gattaca-type eugenics is Fine, Actually, because if you let people make designer babies, the ~*Free Market will decide what traits are desirable! Racism and colourism and ableism and sexism and intersexism won't affect those choices at all! And I'd get mad, because I have principles to speak of, and we'd get into it, and WITHOUT FAIL, we'd get maybe halfway into an actual discussion about whatever horseshit garbage he was on tonight, and the second he thought he was losing, he'd say "oh, well. I'm an ~*Objectivist, so you can't really understand my perspective unless you've read Ayn Rand." Then he'd sigh, and change the subject.

At the time I had not read any Ayn Rand. Being fundamentally powered by spite, I withstood maybe three weeks of this shit before I pirated an epub of Atlas Shrugged, put it on my e-reader, and proceeded to slam through it at supersonic speed so I could finally get to finish an argument with this terrible boy.

Anon, I fucking hated Atlas Shrugged. The book is bad. It's way too long, every single character is an unbelievable douche, the prose sucks. Ayn Rand wants to fuck a train so so so badly, but the prose is so turgid I couldn't even get invested in how much she wants to fuck a train. And the core of the matter, the politics I was there to understand, are, y'know. Objectivist. Eye-bleedingly selfish and capitalistic, expressed in amazingly childish and blinkered terms. Even the bits where it seems like the shithead capitalist dudes want to fuck each other are too mired in the scunge of Rand's terrible views to be enjoyable.

But I read the fucking thing! I powered through it with only quite minimal complaining! I finished the book on the train to work, and when I saw that LS was on that night, I plonked myself in a seat by him, and metaphorically cracked my knuckles, ready to fuckin' party. In a perfect world, I would have been cool enough to have waited for the perfect mid-argument moment to drop, but I didn't. I think I lasted exactly until we were both off a call at the same time, and then leaned in as close as the desk dividers would let me, and said "So I finished Atlas Shrugged. I have some thoughts."

I cannot overstate how quickly it became obvious that LS had not read the book. For a hot second I thought maybe it had just been a while and the fine details had escaped him, but no; he didn't know who half the characters were, or key points of the plot, or even know any of the stuff in the John Galt speech, i.e. the big juggernaut of Here's How Objectivism Works near the end of the book about Objectivism that this fucking guy hypothetically based his Objectivist views on. It took me maybe five minutes, in between calls, to realise this, and another five for him to admit he hadn't actually read any Ayn Rand. He'd read her Wikipedia page.

ANYWAY I didn't speak to him for like a month after that, and I don't think either of us lost out there!

#at the time I was very angry #but in hindsight I think it was very funny #storytime #ask me ask me ask me #anonymice

[menalez]

Hi! Do you think you could explain how gender critical people can support body autonomy in cases like abortion but not transition? I know you believe that medical transition doesn't change someone's gender. But under the ideals of body autonomy, would you support a woman taking T if she still called herself a woman instead of a calling herself a trans man?

And in general, I know radfems are anti-plastic surgery, but wouldn't that too fall under one's body autonomy?

I'm just trying to figure out radfem and gc ideas but I'm running into some inconsistencies.

honestly i was a bit baffled by this ask and couldn't help but feel like its bait bc ... how is cosmetic surgery that is harming your body, incredibly expensive, and done as a result of self-hatred the same as not wanting to carry a baby & go thru the risks of pregnancy for 9 months? to me these are such blatantly, fundamentally different things. but let me assume this isn't bait and you're asking in good faith and address your points.

I know you believe that medical transition doesn't change someone's gender.

this shows a complete lack of understanding on what beliefs i even hold. i don't think medical transition "doesn't change someone's gender" i know it doesn't change a person's *SEX*. this difference is very crucial. gender = gender roles, gendered expectations, etc. it is a social construct. it has nothing to do with anything medical nor biological, its a social contruct that varies across time and cultures.

But under the ideals of body autonomy, would you support a woman taking T if she still called herself a woman instead of a calling herself a trans man?

why would i support the act of taking synthetic hormones which are actively harming your health just as long as you Identify a certain way? it doesn't matter to me what you call yourself. i'm critical of medical transition because it is costly, harmful, and rooted in questionable beliefs. i'm critical of how readily it is promoted. i am critical of how profitable it is to pharmaceutical and medical industries. i am critical of how little research is being put into ensuring the safety of it as well as research into other methods of dealing with sex dysphoria. whether you call yourself a man or a woman is the least of my concerns.

you use the term bodily autonomy, but you seem to be under the belief that bodily autonomy = a person gets to do whatever they want with their body and their choices are always above any criticism or analysis and it does not matter how much their choices are harming them or others. by that logic, if you don't support an anorexic woman starving herself or getting a liposuction, you are against her bodily autonomy because you are not allowing her full agency over her body. by that logic, if a woman tells you she wants to get a BBL or have implants put in, you need to validate and encourage that choice because to question harming your body is to oppose bodily autonomy. but that is not what bodily autonomy is. here is a definition:

Body autonomy is defined as the ability of one person to demonstrate power and agency over choices concerning their own bodies. These choices must be made without fear, threat, violence or coercion from others.

Body autonomy allows individuals the freedom to make their own choices about their bodies. This is significant to a person’s health and wellbeing.

now, if there is a group of people being told that they need to transition ASAP and being told constantly that without transition they will kill themselves, is that or is that not going to instill fear? because if i was told that i need to take an action as early as possible, lest my life be miserable and doomed, then im going to want to urgently take such an action out of fear. if parents are being told "do you prefer to have a dead daughter or a living son?" or w/e, is that not coercion and threats?

moreover, we know taking synthetic hormones for cosmetic purposes can be extremely harmful for one's health. women with high levels of testosterone naturally suffer from a lot of health consequences as a result, nevermind people who alter their body's hormones. this is fundamentally different from a woman choosing to get an abortion because a pregnancy is costly, risky, has health consequences, and will impact her entire life for at least the next 18 years of her life.

that said, i'm not blaming people who do pursue cosmetic procedures or artificial hormones and i'm not against them. i am against the industries promoting this and making it difficult to even have a conversation on this, even pushing against research that does not benefit their financial interests. i am against the promotion of cosmetic surgery as necessary, healthy, and somehow healthcare. i think that there NEEDS to be more research into medical transition, the impacts it has on health, its usefulness and helpfulness, and alternative treatments. the lack of such research and the lack of constructive conversation on this topic is where my concerns lie. not with identity politics like what someone calls themselves while harming their bodies.

so ultimately, i'm not understanding what you think is an inconsistency here. questioning profitable industries and cosmetic surgery which are modern inventions rooted in amplifying people's, namely women's, insecurities for the sake of profit is not at all the same as an abortion and it's worrying to me that you don't see the difference. providing blind affirmation to every choice an individual makes is not bodily autonomy, its individualism and liberalism to another degree. bodily autonomy is allowing individuals the right to make informed, healthy, decisions for themselves. a woman deciding she does not want to go through 9 months of pregnancy and 18 years of child-rearing is not the same as a woman deciding she hates her body and thus MUST get a boob job (which ultimately harms this person's health rather than helping), or someone deciding they hate their sex and thus MUST get surgeries to pass for a different sex (which also ultimately negatively impacts the person's health, even if it provides some psychological relief which potentially could've been gained via a different approach like therapy).

#some1 harming themselves isnt above criticism simply bc we can argue its bodily autonomy usin the most individualist definition of the term #anonymous

[harrowharks-iliac-crest]

The River

Worldbuilding/Lore

<< Previous: Lyctorhood | Masterpost

-

So, okay, bear with me here. I think these people's brains are fundamentally different from ours. And I think their brains are spiritual matter, contained in a brain-shape and perhaps even anatomically so. There was talk of a temporal lobe, after all.

Mind you, memories don't just get stored in one place in the brain. The hippocampus is crucial for formation of memories and storing them short-term - for a few months, maybe. After that, I was told in my studies we don't quite know where they go - likely stored in different parts all over the brain, connected to associations.

One thing I do know, however, is that you can't physically see which parts of the brain relate to which memory. Knowing this from necromantic ability should be a skill even Mercymorn would struggle with. Harrow, a bone magician, knows she is not the best flesh magician, so she enlists Ianthe's help for her lobotomy. Ianthe, allegedly the best necromancer in her generation, is actually able to do an alright job, except for one part where Harrow does some herself. Have they found ways to look at memories through the brain? By all current available science, I would rate that fairly impossible. Either science has progressed wildly in this (possible, given the whole ass myriad and then some), or these brains are not the same.

I actually think brains in this are made from much the same matter that The River is. The River is clearly not of Alecto or John's invention. It was discovered somehow, and when they resurrected everyone, they basically found the revenants for the bodies, and just stuck them back in, literally; pockets - or bubbles - of River, containing the revenant exactly, replacing the goopy mess of dead brain in the body.

Now your brains are goopy messes of river, made to look like what you expect the brain to look like. Your perceptions, expectations and rules are important in the River - it makes sense that River/Revenant-brains would still be brain-shaped. It means the brain is more fluid than that, though; in the Lyctor's cases, one soul - one brain - "takes over".

(Doesn't really explain why Lyctors like God, Augustine and Mercymorn consistently have their cavalier's eyes - other than maybe it was just that that's what they were expecting.)

Ok, so I kinda think brains are parts of The River. Coherent as revenants, living in bodies. This would have been the case for the first people who were resurrected a myriad ago - so when they create babies, the baby's brain is also River water, for want of a better term? Therefore everyone's is? And Death, in this post-resurrection world, is just returning to the River proper?

It's a working theory.

The River is a physical place, and also kind of like sub-space. You can enter it, you can form pockets of meaning in there, you can hunt things in there and make wards. You can use it to travel quickly to destinations many lightyears away. It is a physical place, but also a spiritual one. It is, essentially, the brain matter of billions, jumbled together, increasing in entropy with depth, all the way down to the stoma, where you can enter full entropy and be reduced to particles, as I understand.

Did you know that some scientists use entropy to describe brain processes? Entropy increases in the brain as it responds to stimuli. The concept of entropy is necessary for explaining what goes on in the brain, an organ of trillions+ of possible configurations, changing moment by moment. And what happens physically in the brain is perceived by us through a range of associations and thoughts and feelings, which all look and feel very different to the electric charges zipping along nerve axons and synapses releasing chemicals to trigger a reaction in the next nerve along. Which is (a gross oversimplification of) what actually physically happens inside our brains, millionfold, every millisecond.

Hey wait a second though. The Central Nervous System also includes the spinal cord. Is this included in the RiverBrain package deal? What about peripheral nerves? Right, I'm gonna stop this here, it's already one hell of a rabbit hole.

So if I'm right, then brains are made of River, and River is made of Brains. Sub-space, physically traversible brains. If planets, if stars have a soul, the whole Universe has a soul. The River could a manifestation of the Universe's soul, its collective Brain, and it encompasses all once (and future?) living things. It's not in our plane of existence, but can be accessed physically and mentally.

The River might be the source of necromantic ability, and I think either John or Alecto figured out how to access it. I Just Don't Think You're Supposed To.

Ok, let's get into Characters next. Blorboposting incoming.

>> Next: Gideon Nav

#tlt liveblog #the locked tomb liveblog #tlt spoilers #the locked tomb #tlt #gideon the ninth #harrow the ninth #no nona the ninth spoilers please #tlt theories

[mecachrome]

Hi k! I love reading your ojp scholarship, as he has crept up on me and taken over my brain. Weird question but why do you think he picked Lando as his guy to be a bit weird about?

hi anon 🥺 first off thank u for indulging me & also that is not a weird question at all!!!

ok obviously this is just me saying Anything so i apologize in advance T__T but tbh i think a lot of it ultimately goes back to the idea of lando's ~Proximity~ and how a very specific mélange of career circumstance laid out a foundation for oscar's interest extremely early on... which. let me explain!!! more behind the cut:

not to go on too much of a tangent but if you look at the current drivers in f1 who are roughly within a few years of oscar's age and could have feasibly been someone he'd looked up to coming up the ranks, i'd say the cutoff is like, 2018? so the group is basically charles/george/alex/lando, of whom the first 3 were alr in intrepid together (albeit in diff categories) when oscar had barely started karting at all. also alex moved up to single-seaters very early and his career/road to f1 is obviously a lot more complex than the others, so in reality the only ones oscar would have properly "followed" are lando and george, and then having gone through rfm & british f4 himself it makes sense that he'd lean more toward lando.

...idk how to put this succinctly but basically it's Like: so you're a kid in australia who believes in yourself so much you're willing to move halfway across the globe and attend boarding school by yourself while all your friends and family and the World As You've Always Known It grows and changes without you, and the team you're determined to prove yourself at has semi-recently achieved victory with a guy named lando norris, who is now british f4 champion and runs three separate series the same year you move to europe and goes on to win them all, who is extremely accessible on social media and is kind of awkward but charming and uses dumb unfunny gifs that match your level of online humor exactly, and all the while you're learning to navigate a new country, learning what it really means to prioritize the endless grind of motorsport, and you wouldn't dare look too far ahead into the future but sometimes you see him and think if he can keep winning everything then why not you?

So. also i think what always krills meeee about young_814 lore is that you have to really envision what they looked like circa 2016 like they were undersized dweebs for a majority of their lives!!! anyway. but also nasdlfnagk every time oscar is like i thought you were 30 with your goatee going on haha xD it's like U knowww he's flashing back to that image of little baby lando in his mind..... ok i need to relax.

there are of course other people oscar could have been weird about but in the end it's kind of just a Skill Issue thing / matter of attrition. like from the rfm pack max and logan and guanyu never progressed the same way lando did, and you also have to remember that by the time lando was a mclaren junior he was genuinely their Golden BoyTM, and i know we often talk about lando's competency kink but oscar is also similar to that but in like a ........ he needs to respect you on some fundamental level to be obsessed with you. so the fact that he genuinely rates lando contributes (imo) massively to the fundamentals of their dynamic!!!

also tbh to me one of oscar's biggest mental strengths is specifically that he isn't a very sentimental person, as in if he left to another team i don't think he'd be torn up or anything about not having lando as a teammate lol. but i DO believe he's someone who adapts very well to unfamiliar environments and is always willing to match someone's energy/meet them where they're at (again - especially when he respects them), so he's basically the perfect person to vibe with lando's idiosyncrasies and engage in all the lighthearted push/pulling they have going on. because like he genuinely thinks lando is funny and is more than happy to follow along his meandering bantz and the weirder lando is the weirder oscar is in response and that's just how they Work ?__? so At the end of the day it's: oscar was once a teenage boy who followed (still does) at ladbible instagram and watched the same gaming streamers lando likes or whatever and has seen lando grow into the man he is today (way more confident and "visible" and successful, very much a menace, brutally honest as ever) from this Very Specific vantage point of basically the only other junior after lando to have followed the same path to f1 and been Equally as good / achieved the same stock.

*__* does any of that make sense. 

do u ever think about how lando (extensively nurtured by the team as their only junior) and oscar (basically crashlanded belatedly into his seat) are the only driver pairing in team history to have both debuted with mclaren........ do you ever think about how in a way lando's karting success indirectly influenced oscar's move to europe. do you ever think about how if alpine weren't an abject mess we would have never gotten 814 as teammates and lando would have just been Another Guy On The Grid to him........ 😮‍💨

#ask #me: i'll be brief. also me: (writes 20 paragraphs)

[divinegrey]

ɪ'ʟʟ ʙᴇ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ꜰᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜ / ꜰᴀᴅᴇ x ꜰ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

angsty fade, but don't worry, there's plenty of comfort to go with it! enjoy!

prompt: fade with a s/o who has mommy issues? her family always abused her and she just wants some love and comfort.

words: 1250

warnings: angst with comfort, mommy issues, mentions of psychological and emotional abuse

You can feel your knuckles splitting open with every strike to the tough material of the punching bag. Your lungs burn, a dire need for oxygen that comes only in short spurts. Sweat beads at your skin, a thin sheen that gleams in the harsh lighting of the gym. One, one two. One, one two. One, one two. You repeat the mantra in time with your punches. With every twist of your body, the bag swings. 

“An eighty five? For fucks sake, that’s not good enough! You should always be striving for one hundred. An eighty five won’t cut it in life, do you understand?” 

You shake off the words of your mother, the sound burned into your brain no matter how many times you’ve tried to claw it out. You wipe your forehead with your forearm, flexing your fingers, the movement restrained by both the pain of your skin cracking and the thick padded wraps doing their damndest to protect them. Shake it off. 

One, one two. One, one two. One, one two. 

The bag swings like a metronome with every strike you deliver. 

“Quit eating that. It’s pure sugar. It’s not going to do anything to help you, you’re already chubby enough.” 

Your eyes narrow onto the bag. You see red, but it comes with a howling pain you haven’t felt in years. 

Tonight is one of those nights, it seems. 

One, one two. One, one two. One, one two. 

You switch your stance, repeating the same process with your left arm forward instead of your right. Your muscles are screaming in agony— how long have you been going at this? Doesn’t matter. The more you punch the bag, the more you feel anything other than grief you thought you had long since buried. 

“Worthless! Fucking worthless! You can never do anything I tell you, can you?! You always need me to hold your fucking hand! You’re not a fucking baby anymore, grow up!” 

THUD!

Your fist connects with the punching bag and the hook chaining it to the ceiling cracks. The bag flies onto the ground, and before you realize it, you’re mounting it and throwing punch after punch into the bag, imagining the face of someone who caused you so much pain it changed you fundamentally. Down to your very core, you were changed, and you fucking despise it. 

“Fuck—” THUD! “You!—” SLAM! “Stupid—” BOOMF! “Fucking—” WHAM! “Bitch!” 

Between your words, your fists tear holes into the bag. Yet, at the same time, you’re breaking. 

“Sevgilim.” 

You register the word in your mind, but the endless hurricane of emotions sweeps it away before it can fully sink in. You slam your hands into the punching bag, one right after the other despite your muscles begging for mercy. 

“Aşkım.” 

More punches. 

“It’s disappointing. You’re a disappointment, you’re never going to be anything.” Your mother’s voice invades your mind like a virus, spreading like a hivemind. 

Shut up shut up shut shut up SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT U—

“Bebeğim—” 

You whirl, fist raised, shouting with every ounce of anger in your body, “What?!” 

Standing there, a dozen feet away, hands balled up, is Fade. Hazal. Your girlfriend. 

Everything in your body goes cold. You glance at your fist, blood seeping through the knuckles, staining the blue fabric into a shade of violet. Your throat squeezes up. “I— I’m so sorry.” Your heart squeezes and you drop your arm, repeating one thing and one thing only. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, fuck, I’m sorry, I’m sorry—” 

Before you have a chance to continue, Fade is next to you, wrapping you up in her arms. You curl your fists into your body, refusing to let her get anywhere near them, even as exhaustion makes you slump into her. 

“You have nothing to apologize for, hayatım,” Fade whispers, stroking her hand through your sweaty hair. “Nothing at all. There is nothing you could ever do or say wrong to me, my love. Never.” 

You exhale shakily, an onslaught of tears rising to your eyes. There’s a vast emptiness inside of you, brought on by memories you wish would go away, nightmares that you wish would disappear into thin air so they would never bother you again. 

But sometimes… some fears will always stay. 

Fade knows this, she knows your fears. She was the one who stepped into your mind and witnessed your worst nightmare. 

Someone you once called your mother. 

“Come on, let’s get out of here,” Fade says. She pulls you to your feet, carrying you wordlessly out of the training gym. The hour is late, and hardly any souls grace the halls other than you two. Fade rubs your arm, leaning her head on your shoulder. 

She knows what to do. 

Fade holds your hair back as you vomit out all of your grief and misery into the toilet. She holds you while the momentary sickness passes, giving you water and kisses on the forehead with whispered words of encouragement, reminding you that it’ll all be okay. 

Fade takes off your boxing wraps, inspecting and cleaning the blood off with all the care in the world. Fade pushes you into the shower with a smile, cleaning your skin with her favorite soap that reminds you of safety and warmth. Fade dries you off with a fluffy towel until there’s a faint smile on your face and you don’t feel as empty as you once did. 

Time and time again, Fade proves that she is there for you. 

“I don’t deserve you,” you mutter, sliding into Fade’s arms in her bed. Only the small, twinkling lantern in the corner of the room illuminates the space with an array of designs, stars and moons and suns. A nightlight, because Fade hates sleeping in the dark sometimes. 

Fade’s grip on you tightens and you still. She rubs her hand in circles over your back. “Don’t you ever say that again. It doesn’t matter what you deserve; I choose to be here because I love you with everything I have. I love everything that you have, the good and the bad.” 

You blink back tears for the second time tonight. Your throat feels thick, and you have to push away your belief that you don’t deserve the love that Fade is so willingly giving to you. Fade, who treated everyone with indifference despite everyone hating her for exposing them. Fade, who never judged you for your anger because she understood why. 

Fade, who allows you to feel angry, and picks you up when it’s over. 

“I love you,” you whisper. 

“I love you too. My life, my light in the dark, my beautiful sun,” Fade says, kissing your forehead. You pull your head up just enough to kiss her on the mouth, the only way you can let her know how much you truly appreciate her when your words seem to fail you. Fade holds your face gently, running her thumb along your cheekbone, over and over until you pull away. 

You smile at her, watching the lights of her paper lantern dance across her face. 

“Where would I be without you?” You say, and Fade chuckles. 

“Saving the world, as you usually do,” Fade answers, tapping your nose with her finger once. “But now is time for sleep, okay?” 

You mumble another I love you as you burrow into her chest. Fade pulls the sheets over you and holds you tight until dreams find your mind and pull you under. 

~~~~~~ A/N: @ the person who requested this, are you okay????

#fade x reader #valorant fade x reader #fade #fade valorant #hazal eyletmez #fade imagines #valorant x reader #valorant fanfiction #valorant #valorant imagines

[anamericangirl]

“If you don’t support the dismemberment of a two year old you’re not pro-choice because that’s a choice a mother can make.” It’s not a choice a mother can make because it’s not an enforcement of bodily autonomy. Do you not understand the difference between having someone inside your body, using your nutrients without your consent and taking care of a child? All you have are false equivalencies.

It's not a false equivalency. And I don't want to hear another pro-choicer accuse anyone of a false equivalency until you'll drop the organ donation argument. That's a false equivalency. If bodily autonomy only applies if the person is using your body the same way a newborn baby does, then organ donation is not an argument you guys can use anymore. You do understand the difference between having someone inside your body and donating an organ to a person outside your body, don't you?

And I would ask if you understand bodily autonomy but I know you don't because of this message. You don't even understand your own argument regarding bodily autonomy.

If bodily autonomy is an absolute right, as all of you guys arguing with me about this have previously stated, then it's an absolute right whether the person using your body is inside of it or out of it. You with me so far? Do you understand how that works?

So if the rules regarding your right to bodily autonomy change depending on where the person using your body is located and how they are using your body, then you are admitting bodily autonomy is not an absolute right. You understand that, right? You can't hold both of those positions simultaneously. They fundamentally contradict each other.

If you have the right to keep people from using your body without your consent to the point where you can kill an innocent person, why does it matter how they are using your body? Why does it have to be exactly the way an unborn baby uses it to matter?

If a woman does not want to breastfeed her newborn baby, then why isn't dismembering them alive in order to stop them an enforcement of bodily autonomy? The moment the mother no longer wants to breastfeed is the moment the baby is breast-feeding without her consent and thus, deserves the death penalty, right? Or is not the case because the mother has other options? Because she has other options when the baby is in the womb, too.

But here's a lesson for you about pregnancy. A baby does not need your consent to grow inside your body. Babies are not capable of consent. They have no choice whether or not they use your body. If you have a baby growing inside you that is your child and you are 100% responsible for them and you are the reason they are there. If you don't want a baby to use your body then do not have sex. Period. You consent to actions, not results. Sex is the action, pregnancy is the result. I don't care where the baby is are or what part of your body they are using you are not allowed to kill them. You have no right to murder a baby. None. Period.

#anon #answered

[pyrrhonisticcharlieism]

Lowkey it bugs me that Angel Dust is like the poster child of “The Prospect of Redemption” when he is just an abused sex worker who has issues with addiction—which is all NOT reflective of how “good” someone is.

Yeah, yeah, I’m woke and think those things are completely morally neutral. It’s his JOB + uuuh an actual physical dependency? And since in this version of Hell vs Heaven it doesn’t seem “accepting Jesus as your Lord and savior” or worshipping “God” is a factor…. but also like it seems like Angel displaying “good enough for heaven” behaviors was just moderating himself and looking out for his friends (which I think he’d do no matter the point in his journey????) Like he is downright selfless, and while getting utterly obliterated on drugs to cope can seem selfish depending on the context—With Angel it is purely self harm. (Poor baby.)

It also seems like sticking up for himself/having agency is the main factor in showing Heaven he is “worthy.” Which is kinda shitty!!! Because self-actualization should never be a condition of receiving love…even divine love? (“You need to love yourself before you can give/receive love to/of someone else.” Which is yucky to me.)

I AM RAMBLING. IS WHAT I’M SAYING MAKING SENSE? Obviously, the whole point is that Heaven is hypocritical…but YEAH. I’m half asleep typing this lmao.

Like sex and drugs bad, I get it, but none of those parts of Angel fundamentally changed when he “checked all the boxes that [they] said would show a person deserves a second chance.” Which, arbitrarily, were “Act selfless. Don’t steal. Stick it to The Man” (Ironic lol.) Also, I know apparently no one knows what gets someone into Heaven, but STILL. I don’t so much care about the “logic,” it just makes me overthink/over-care.

Anyway, TLDR: it sucks that someone basically trapped in a cycle of abuse is considered “unholy”.

#hazbin hotel #angel dust #hazbin angel dust #angel dust hazbin hotel #also I am KINDA TIPSY #but I think about Angel’s circumstances a lot and how it’s like….his job and disease are his major ‘sins’ #as a sw myself dealing with alcholism…I relate to Angel #because I’m actually uncomfortable with my side-gig but it helps with me surviving so…I do it ya know?

[goblins-riddles-or-frocks]

But like. He did kill so many grisha just because. Like at what point such a significant change happens and like how. Someone who started out just to save grisha is just killing them left and right. Like this is not the trolley problem thing that he is killing 2 to save 4. He kills them because he can. I have always considered ditw pandering.

Re: this ask

Anon, anon, why are you putting me in the position to argue that the Darkling Wasn’t That Bad Actually on tumblr dot com?? That’s the meanest thing a faceless stranger on the internet could do to me.

Anyway lol so I don’t think DitW was pandering! LB first wrote it while she was drafting R&R— the book where he makes some of his most heinous choices. So I don’t think there’s like a gap where she decided to instead pander to people, you know? She can think of him as a hurt child and someone who burns down orphanages and razes cities just to get his nemesis’ attention.

By R&R he’s centuries old, in the short story he’s a grand total of thirteen. I don’t think it’s pandering or woobifying to have him change over such a vast span of time. And like we literally see baby’s first murder play out on the page.

I personally thought it was a really deft way to show how he went down the path he did. It illustrates how he’s kept isolated his mother, partially through necessity because of the looming ever present fear of being hunted by Grisha and otkazat’sya. How she’s also raised him to believe that he’s fundamentally other than, but also above, everyone else. Over the course of the story he makes his first attempt at marginally trusting anyone, to take the risk of *gasp* making a friend, and it goes horribly! Completely reinforcing all of the bitter fear and mistrust Baghra has raised him with. Also like even at that age he responds with rather stunning ruthlessness.

I think it’s pretty relevant that the threat to him was from other Grisha, and that he covers up the entire thing by using otkazat’sya/general Grisha persecution as an excuse. I think it leads up to his strategies in TGT really well and how, in offering a supposed sanctuary for Grisha, he’s made himself very powerful. And how he uses saving them/the country as an excuse for all of the choices he’s actually making in self interest. Idk I think it’s good characterization!

As for the TGT era, I think any more noble aims he might have held have become warped and corrupted over time. They’re just too flimsy and very easily set aside in the face of his desire for control. The trilogy is about the inherent corrupting nature of power and immortality, so the Darkling having started out as someone who might have meant well, as someone whose values may have been more aligned with Alina’s is kind of the point! And we do see some hints of those skin deep values, like the frankly laughable thing where he makes all the Grisha eat peasant food because they’re good salt of the earth Ravkans and they shouldn’t forget where they came from.

But yeah like he does kill Grisha left and right, but it’s the ones who have defied him. They’re the ones who’ve sided with Alina. The point of the story is that he might want to save them, but he wants power more. And his immortality and cumulatively acrued ruthlessness means that he doesn’t see it as anything but wiping the slate clean. This current generation was disloyal? Wipe them out. He made a point of preserving the children, they’ll just grow up and fill the ranks. Individual lives mean nothing to him because they’ll just die in a blink of the eye anyway. And also because by TGT he’s just a garden variety fascist lol. The good of an amorphous and ill defined collective/cause/nation outweighs that of the individual, no matter if those individuals make up that cause. He’s comfortable killing as many disloyal Grisha as need be without viewing that as a set back to larger Grisha interests. And it goes without saying that he must be the one leading said cause and furthering those interests, anything else is unacceptable.

#okay my train of thought didn’t actually lead me to defend him very much but the prospect gave me hives #I don’t know I think it’s a very clear trajectory #like it’s an arc #people change #grishaverse #shadow and bone #demon in the wood #aleksander morozova #the darkling #i ramble sometimes #all the bendy punctuations #a mysterious stranger has appeared

[rhineposting]

hey what are your thoughs about hmm scolippi JJBA that guy from part five. oh and diavolo bento aureo. uh huh wait since you asked for asks about women and wifes wow what if scolippi part 5 and diavolo golden wind were women and they-

GIRL COME ON

I'M TRYING TO MAKE A POINT HERE AND YOU'RE ONLY MAKING IT WORSE!!

Okay no but seriously.

Scolippi. Scolippi. Scoliosis, even.

He's such a beautiful yet tragic character, and he ties into JJBA's themes of fate and fighting against it so wonderfully. Even on his own, he's great.

He's a simple man, living in an unfair world full of power craving lunatics and egoists that were granted unimaginable power, while he is stuck with a curse that forces him into the position of being many people's guide to the afterlife ever since he was a child.

Yet, despite being put at a disadvantage from the start, he still does his best to be kind and to not harm others around him, using his ability solely for helping vulnerable people find peace - and to grant them the opportunity to defy Fate through choosing to go on their own terms.

Even after being beaten up, shot twice and held at gunpoint, he still offered his kindness to the two people that were actively antagonizing him at that moment. Even while he lied on the ground bleeding, he still prayed for their well-being and for their misery to not be pointless.

He's all things considered, a Saint.

I also like how his arc is a direct tie to the main antagonist of part 6 - Pucci.

They both had girls who were important to them, who both took their life due to circumstances they had little to no control over and they both seek peace above all else. Peace with what is to come.

While Pucci forces that peace, coupled with the burden of knowledge upon everyone in the whole universe, Scolippi simply offers a choice over their own life against cruel circumstances.

Pucci is also a priest, while Scolippi has elements alluding to Jesus all over him - which makes me think of the difference between institutionalised religion and the actual fundaments of said faith removed from a power hierarchy and alike of the Church.

Wherever Scolippi was after Part 5, I hope life turned out well for him.

Unless we go with the assumption that he was related to...

A certain other, purple haired and green eyed man with a Stand whose ability just so happens to directly mirror his own.

In that case, Scolippi just took L after L, it seems.

As for the OTHER GUY

I FUCKING HATE HIM!!! I HATE HIM SO FUCKING MUCH HE RUINED MY FUCKING LIFE!!!!

GETTING INVESTED IN HIM AS A CHARACTER COMPLETELY CHANGED ME AS A PERSON AND I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO UNDO THAT NO MATTER HOW MUCH TIME PASSES!!!!!

I HATE THAT THROUGH THIS PINK RACCOON LOOKING THING I MET YOU - THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME, AS WELL AS OUR OTHER FRIENDS WHO I CHERISH JUST AS MUCH TOO!!

I HATE THAT I OWE SO MUCH OF THE CURRENT HAPPINESS IN MY LIFE TO THIS FICTIONAL MAN WHO CAN'T EVEN BE BOTHERED TO PUT ON A REAL SHIRT FOR HIS DEBUT!!!

I HATE THAT MEETING HIM FUNDAMENTALLY CHANGED ME AS AN ARTIST AND CREATOR AND THAT I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO RETURN TO BLISSFUL IGNORANCE THAT COMES WITH MEDIA ILLITERACY!!!! I WILL FOREVER BE CRITICAL OF ANYTHING I CONSUME BECAUSE OF HIM!!!

AND IT'S ALL YOUR FUCKING FAULT TOO!!!! I WASN'T EVEN THAT INVESTED IN HIM UNTIL YOU CAME ALONG AND PUT A BUNCH OF PINK , GREEN DOTTED WORMS IN MY BRAIN!!!! I HATE YOU TOO!!!!!! GOD!!!!!!!

but omg what if he and scolippi were in fact women.

Hm.

idk I don't think we'd get some huge AU out of it with them as the main cast

where the two of them are in love and silly and married

and where they have a cute bunny baby

yeah no that definitely wouldn't happen. never.

why do you ask.

#girl im gonna so fucking kill you after this. #jjba #jojo's bizzare adventure #vento aureo #jjba diavolo #scolippi #or rather #serena melone #it's a dumb name i know #serdia #babbi #rhine questions #rhineart #jojo au

[electrictoes]

Carisi truly melted my heart this episode. He stays up at night worrying about being a father to a newborn since he’s never really had to do that before 😭, but still acknowledging that he’s been a father for Billie and Jesse. THIS MAN!! 😭❤️ I know he’s been reading every book under the sun and he’s still so worried. He and Amanda are great parents, it’s all gonna be fine😭

I’m genuinely so happy for them 🥹💓

So, I've never made a secret of that fact that I've always been Team No Baby.

I don't think they needed a baby, I love the unconventional families that they have in SVU, and Sonny's relationship with Billie and Jesse is very important to me - Jesse is fundamental to Rollisi's relationship having begun to change, even before we knew about since Jesse. She was a turning point for Amanda and ultimately for them.

And I completely understand writing in Kelli's pregnancy, but since the moment we found out I've been worried about how the writers would handle it. They never explicitly addressed his relationship with the girls after "Billie wants to know if you're her daddy", and I was really concerned it'd be swept aside. I was dreading hearing someone say it was his "first child" or them making a big deal about it being his biological kid (and what does biology matter, anyway?). So I was cautious. But I loved him in this episode. I loved seeing how happy he was but I also loved him acknowledging that he has been a father to Billie and to Jesse. And they were able to do that while still giving him that nervous new dad thing because of course he's never done the newborn stuff - there's a big difference between being around as Uncle Sonny and being their dad, and that didn't change for them until the girls were out of the baby stage. He's definitely been reading all the pregnancy books and all the baby books and no doubt driving Amanda as insane as he did when he gave her unsolicited advice re: Jesse. (And let's take a moment to reflect on that character journey). I'm so happy for them, too, Anon! It's not a storyline I needed but I love to see them happy, and I loved the way he told Liv, I've rewatched that scene at least a dozen times already. tl;dr: I was nervous about this storyline but I'm really happy with how it was handled in this ep ❤️

#svu #sonny carisi #rollisi #svu24 #svu spoilers #anon #ask

[officialpenisenvy]

if you had the resources to (and wanted to) make a genuine sicko film what do u think the subject matter would be

oh there's a million ways i would want to go but i think definitely something to do with lesbian oedipus and intergenerational incest and necrophilia. you can only show love through violence because that's what you were weaned on as a child kinda deal. uhhh idk let me whip up the first plot i can come up with for you. a mother and daughter we quickly learn are incestuous arrive in the mother's beautiful mediterranean seaside town to visit the ailing grandfather in his final days. when the daughter learns he is sexually exploiting her mother she smothers him with a pillow and then after the funeral she confronts her mother in the graveyard only to reluctantly slit her throat on top of his grave when she points out the incoherence of killing one abuser and not the other. pomegranates are eaten and beaded rosaries are prayed and black mourning garments are worn and the colours are so vivid and bright it hurts. this should be made in the 1980s i want it to be available on youtube with 480p definition at the highest.

ooh or for example i would do some sort of explicit mythical adaptation. maybe a pasolini decameron-style adaptation of ovid's metamorphoses or maybe a standalone movie all about demeter and persephone. i think i would want to reimagine demeter at the beginning as a semi-successful escapee of the violent patriarchal system that has begotten her and her daughter only to then have persephone be dragged right back into that very system of violence. and i would very much lean into the horror of her and the other "outcast" gods and creatures being the only ones who understand that the system the olympians operate under and enforce is violent and unjust while the olympians themselves don't see anything wrong with it and are fundamentally uninterested in changing it. i would have zeus's palace and chambers be a tacky rococo opulent "let them eat cake" delight and i would have hades's palace and chambers in the underworld look the exact same but in a darker more earthy and jewel-toned palette and quite a bit more run down and skeletal to create a very clear parallel between them (i would also frame ganymede as a counterpart to persephone herself). and of course the baby in the fireplace and the self-cannibalism and the various horrors demeter engages in on her journey would all be in full display 🙏

[fujianvenator]

what are your scp recs? =o i've read some but not all that many overall

SORRY LATE REPLY COZ i had 2 get 2my pc HELP BUT !! Youhave unlocked the floodgates.

087 - the stairwell

an oldie but a goodie! absolute fucking classic, as evidenced by the whopping 3000 updoots. its really like. one of the Hallmarks of the strengths of early scp, aka a simple concept executed VERY EFFECTIVELY. its a staircase! its infinite! you can hear the sound of a crying child in it that always seems to be out of reach! its dark as shit! there is a disembodied floating humanoid face in it. the fourth expedition is fucking Gone despite being the one that ceased all entrance to the stairwell! i love the shit out of this stupid fucking staircase theres a reason it spawned so many games in Ye Olden Babys First Unity Project Days

3333 - tower

*thafnine voice* were time skipping now oh my! i feel this is like, an Inverse 087. instead of going down an infinite staircase u go up an infinite tower! fun! and remember that redacted expedition IV from 087? its not redacted here :) warning for body horror for this one

4975 - times up

despite being from series V this one has a very very old school vibe to it. simple concept executed effectively as opposed to the fucking novel length skips that litter the later series. fair warning for this one if u have issues with unreality MUTE THE TAB. TURN DOWN YOUR VOLUME. no jumpscares but its still a pretty mean trick 😭

lilys 001 proposal - the worlds gone beautiful

short, poignant, beautiful. ykno all those tumblr poetry posts talking abt how no matter how temporary our time is on this earth its still special? it means something? Yea . reading this as a 15 yr old made me understand that somehow

4182 - there is no site 5

whew. unlike a lot of earlier scps the blacked out data in this one Isnt overused in an annoying way. its a Puzzle. what happened to site 5? why are there so many revisions to the article? what is the foundation hiding under all those redactions? hehe.

5140 - EVEREST

another short n effective one ! im not phased by much unless it literally triggers my menthol ewwness but this ones . super fucking creepy to me honestly idk why LOL. hinges on making U ! da reader. quetion whether whats happening in those logs is real or if the explorers are just Losing Their Fucking Minds from oxygen deprivation. i do wonder !

2718 - what happens after

I. HATE. THIS . SCP. that means i love it LOL. i rank horror Goodness by how badly it makes me want to crawl out of my skin like a molting insect! forreal do not read this if u have unreality issues its so bad 😭😭😭😭😭 but i love it! its such a good concept. i hate it. its awful. its stuck in my mind forever. its so effective. If i liked this scp i dont because i did. No i didnt

5999 - this is where i died

YAAAY THIS ONES THE URL OF MY SCP SIDEBLOG!! i like it less now than i did when it first dropped (i was so up to date on this shit LOL i was there when nobody knew what it was abt and the forums was people trying to decode it) and the ending. is fuckin doodoo caca bullshit LOL its such a copout. dont even bother with the last chapter its literally nothing and it only serves to connect it to another scp when the preceeding stuff was already flavorful n interesting on its own 😭😭 warning for gore and body horror

4400 - this is not a place of honor

better enjoyed with the context of longterm nuclear waste warning messages! i actually have a unique experience with this post detailed Here due to my Shitfuck No Good Eyesight where i misread the title as "this is not a place of horror” which fundamentally changed my mindset going into it! i dont wanna spoil much but the last line of the last addendum is so fucking metal it rules LOL

#scp #scp foundation #mothfishing #asks

[booksandwitchery]

Naturalistic Paganism

Now I've read Green's book Atheopaganism: An Earth-Honoring Path Rooted in Science, which stands as one of the most important books I've ever consumed, for life in general and in light of my recent journey into the study of Paganism. It has given me the comfort of knowing that I can be both spiritual and skeptical. That's one of the most beautiful things about Paganism, really. It is tolerant and relentlessly defies rules and religious dogma. Paganism does not create borders like other types of spiritual belief systems.

Reading this book made me feel a sense of belonging--like someone was reassuring me that I'm not alone in my thoughts and feelings. And I cannot stay quiet about this book because a) I'm hoping I can let other people know they aren't alone and b) I'm now certain that this worldview is fundamental to my life's path and the person I want to become.

At the start of his book, Green points out something that, being a staunch atheist for many years, I had often ignored or pushed to the back of mind: "In reaction to the supernaturalistic religions of our time, we sometimes end up throwing out the proverbial baby with the bathwater." In this case, the baby is transformative religious experience, and the bathwater is superstitious beliefs without observable evidence.

Atheopaganism, or Naturalistic Paganism, pairs spirituality with rational naturalism. It combines the energy of ritual, praxis, symbolism, values, etc. with a structure that values the truth. This is more specific than neopaganism in general; Atheopaganism believes that the truth matters--it opposes the weakness of believing things simply because "it would be really cool if it were true." The atheopagan does not avoid thoughtful and informed inquiry, or embrace conspiracy theories and the use of literal supernatural magic.

But hey--can a non-theistic worldview even count as a religion?

Well, the answer is that it depends on your working definition of "religion." If a cosmology (what is believed about the nature of the universe), ideology and practice are the key components of a religion, then the answer is yes. Atheopaganism adheres to the cosmology of the world as understood by generally accepted scientific discovery and analysis, and thus is always subject to change. The ideology and practice of nature-worship follows this seamlessly. Some might disagree with the idea that a religion can exclude the worship of one or more supernatural beings. For me, I'm not too hung up on whether I belong to a religion; it's enough for me to know that I simply belong.

If any of this interests you, read Mark Green's book or check out his website, and perhaps even John Halstead's website and book on Naturalistic Paganism as well.

#atheopaganism #naturalism #naturalistic #naturalistic paganism #paganism #neopaganism #neo-paganism #pagan #neopagan #atheopagan #non-theistic paganism #non-theistic #non-theism #godless paganism #witch #witchcraft #witches #just witchy things #witchy vibes #women writers #bookblr #spilled words #litblr #mark green #naturalistic pagan #john halstead #the wonder

[millenari]

tugger

✨✨✨✨

1. Canon I outright reject

The moment in the bway revival where, right after Jenny's song, Munk goes 'who will [the jellicle choice] be?' and then Tugger busts in echoing him as his song starts, framing his interruption as him.... being excited to be the Jellicle Choice? Throwing his hat in the ring?

I can see they put that line there to strengthen the plot and remind the audience what's going on narratively here, but Tugger's number is the one song you shouldn't do that for. The original version of that transition where Tugger is plain old interrupting the ball is one of the strongest transitions in the musical & didn't need to be improved, and if they really wanted to interject the 'who will it be' reminder of what the point of all of this is, it shouldn't have come before his song. Tugger is interrupting because Tugger loves being a nuisance, causing trouble, and putting the spotlight on him. You don't need the additional motive of 'he wants to be the Jellicle Choice' for him to interrupt the narrative/ball.

Plus why would he want to be the Jelly Choice? He clearly loves his life.

Idk, maybe they just meant for Tugger's repetition to be Tugger mocking Munk (admittedly the actors tend to sound goofy there) but they could have had Munk say anything there, and Tugger deliberately echoes the 'who will it be' part. I just dislike that bit, Tugger shouldn't give a shit about whether he's the Jellicle Choice-- he's not performing bc he wants to win, he's performing bc he wants to brag.

2. A canon or headcanon hill I will die on

Tugger and Munk being brothers. I just can't see them not as brothers at this point.

3. Obscure headcanon

Hmmmmm....... Tugger's mother gave him up at pretty much the exact age where he could survive without her, and immediately dumped him on Deuteronomy's metaphorical doorstep, at probably around the human equivalent of 3yrs. (This is partially bc Deut and her were on Not Great terms, partially bc Tugger was a little nightmare, and partially bc she just wasn't really suited for motherhood)

Deuteronomy managed to survive about half an hour taking care of Tugger after that, with his bad back and Tugger's hyperactivity, and promptly took Baby Tug to the Junkyard and dumped him onto younger Mac and Munk.

Macavity then shoved baby Tugger onto Munk the second Deuteronomy's back was turned, and after that teenaged Munk was Tugger's primary caretaker. & believe it or not but Tugger did not get out of this series of events emotionally unscathed, and ended up with a particular distaste for relying on other people, figures in his life with authority over him, and also both his mother and Macavity.

4. Favorite line

The way John Partridge says 'phenomenal cat' for sure.

5. Best personality trait

Tugger is actually a very good read of people; sometimes it can be hard for him to truly conceive what it's like to be another cat (one with greater self-esteem issues for example) but he is very good at sussing out how cats feel and what to say or do to to change how they feel. This makes him a very good hypeman, an excellent troll, and 1000% Macavity's blood.

But that being said, he is quite the charmer and a pretty good leader of men cats when he puts his mind to it. He always knows what to say to cheer you up. It's just a matter of whether he cares enough to actually want to cheer you up. Which brings me to:

6. Worst personality trait

He can be pretty seriously blasé and sometimes uncaring about what's going on around him. That bit I mentioned about him having difficulty understanding what it's like to be other people often leaves him unsympathetic to their struggles (Oh you're stressed, Munk? Maybe you should stop caring about other people's problems. Caring about other people's problems is a fundamental part of who you are as a person? Sounds fake, just take a fucking vacation and stop complaining.)

And even in situations where he logically knows a cat can't help the way they are, he can still be bullheaded about it-- his and Misto's friendship has lasted their whole lives, but even as grown adults he still thinks he can shake some confidence into the little bastard if he just kind of... tries hard enough.

7. Age/height/weight headcanon

Tugger is one of the tallest cats in the Junkyard area, but he's technically far from the 'biggest' because he's a skinny beanpole. He's admittedly stronger than he looks, but he's also not a fighter. In my human aus he's around 6'1-3ish

8. Unpopular opinion about them

I don't know if I have any unpopular Tugger opinions. I'm pretty normie about him.

Actually Edu del Prado from the Madrid 2004 production is one of the best Tuggers out there. That opinion is unpopular bc most people haven't even watched Madrid 2004. There.

9. Scene that first made me love (or hate) the character

He's pretty equally lovable in all three of his big numbers., so I don't think there's one I could point at and go 'here's where I fell in the hole!'

10. Best moment on screen (or in the book)

I love every moment Tugger is on stage, so I kind of had to think of this one as 'which Tugger moment would be most likely to catch my attention if I were distracted while watching Cats' and that would probably be when he comes in for Deuteronomy's song. It's his most serious moment, and how he interacts with Munk there is always so charming and wholesome. I also love the two singing together, and how it's a moment that seems to mean a lot to Munk.

11. Faceclaim for the role

Mostly just. John Partridge. Except with a bit more of a ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) resting face perhaps. My human au design for him is a darker skinned guy with dark hair that has blonde highlights, super tall and thin, naturally curly hair that he styles, plus eyeshadow and the works.

12. Crack headcanon

This is Cats, all headcanons are crack headcanons.

13. Dumbest thing they’ve ever done

Of course Tugger has done plenty of stupid things in his life, but when he was younger he initially found his human family when he happened upon a random human girl playing guitar at a park; he thought her music was cool, so he basically just let her take him home with her. It worked out for him, but knowing what people do to kittens sometimes, that could've ended very, very badly for him.

14. Most heroic moment

Admittedly I don't have one for this. As much as Tugger cares about the tribe and all, he's not the first guy to jump into danger when a threat presents itself, and tends to contribute by focusing on dealing with the aftermath of a crisis rather than the crisis itself.

15. Worst thing they’ve ever done

Tugger's not a bad guy so I don't have a great answer for this-- but one asshole thing he's been doing since he was a kid is when he and Alonzo are alone he'll just say a bunch of terrible things to Alonzo, egg him into attacking Tugger, and then crying 'he hurt me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' for everyone to hear in the aftermath, thus getting Alonzo in trouble. He thinks it's funny that it's so easy to rile Alonzo up.

16. Deepest darkest secret they won’t even admit to themselves

I don't have a good one for this either. While I think Tugger is a confident dude, he does wonder sometimes about how lovable he really is, in a personal way. Obviously he has a lot of fans, but those closest to him-- his family members in particular-- tend to decry him as difficult, and have historically shuffled him around. He thinks he's a lovable guy, but he wonders sometimes how true that is, given how those who know him best tend to react to him. This isn't something that keeps him awake every night, but he wonders sometimes.

17. Quotes, songs, poems, etc. that I associate with them

Wild Child by The Struts

Scratch your number right onto my chest / Hit me up and you can call for sex Keep in mind, I like to be impressed / I'll only have you in your Sunday best It's been a while since we've been flirting / But one thing's for certain You should take your time to think me through / 'Cause every rumor that you've heard is true

Bop and a half right there.

18. What they’d go to see a therapist about

In my human/celeb/soulmate au that I've been writing, Tugger does actually go to therapy when he's initially diagnosed with ADHD! It's mostly just learning to contend with his neurodivergency and such, but every once in a while he'll say something during his appointments and his therapist will be like 'elaborate on that' and he'll be like 'no :)' and then they move on from the conversation without delving into all the other reasons he should probably be in therapy.

19. Vices/bad habits

In my aforementioned human/celeb/soulmate au he's a smoker and Misto fucking hates it.

20. Scars

Most of my Tuggers don't have any notable scars, but I have this one fic where he has lightning-scars from where Misto accidentally blasted him as a kid during a dangerous situation-- they aren't visible under the fur, but you can feel them if you know what you're looking for.

21. Drink of choice (not just alcoholic)

He's a whiskey neat kind of guy in human aus.

22. Best physical feature

Tugger would say all of his features are his best feature, a lot of cats might say it's his big lush mane. In human aus Misto is partial to his brown eyes and his curly hair.

23. If they were a scented candle, what would they smell like?

Are leather scented candles a thing? Maybe coffee too, though that might just be my love for the smell of coffee talking.

24. Most annoying habit

UHHH not counting the things he does deliberately to annoy people, he has this thing he does when people bother him where he'll just stop dead in the middle of a conversation and start pretending he can't see or hear them. He does this all the time when Munk tries to nag him.

25. 3 things they’d want to take with them if they were dropped off in the middle of nowhere

This question is too open ended for me. Is this a survival situation or are they just dropped in a field somewhere for a few hours and then picked up?

26. What they would do if stuck in an elevator with [insert character of your choice from the same fandom]

Either fuck or argue, depending on the character. There might be a chilly silence with a select few, like Bustopher perhaps.

27. Their guilty pleasure

Tugger doesn't do 'guilty' pleasure.

28. How they feel about [insert character of your choice from the same fandom]

He likes that Misto guy.

Nah but as I mentioned earlier Tugger has a lot of problems with figures of authority or the caretakers in his life, he has for a long time. And Misto came to join the Junkyard at a time when Tugger was the youngest kitten in the Yard, and little Misto pretty much immediately had a lot of difficulty adjusting to living in a new space. This was kind of the first person injected into Tugger's life where, in their relationship, he wasn't the littler one who needed to be taken care of, and he got a real kick out of showing Misto what the Junkyard is like and explaining stuff to him and such.

So Misto managed to kind of worm under Tugger's skin in a way a lot of cats never manage to do, because even as adults Tugger still carts around this (not entirely accurate lmao) idea that he's The Guy Who Takes Care of Misto, so it's easier for him to be vulnerable with Misto than anyone else.

29. Eating habits

In human aus he tends to have quite the sweet tooth, and also due to wildly fast metabolism he can eat for forever and not gain a pound. In cat aus, he just kind of... eats cat stuff.

30. Sleeping habits

In cat aus he sleeps the same as everyone else, but in human aus he has mild insomnia, and often wakes up in the middle of the night for an hour or so and has to stare at the ceiling for a bit before he can fall back asleep. It's wildly inconvenient, especially when he's exhausted.

31. If the had a tumblr what would it look like?

Horny stuff for sure. Probably music stuff, like posts about famous musicians of the past and such. Definitely one of those guys who reblogs fifty things, is inactive for a month, then reblogs another fifty things.

32. Something guaranteed to make them smile/laugh

Misto boning up a magic trick. The boning up itself is funny, but the huffy way Misto reacts to messing it up is a million times more hilarious.

33. Something guaranteed to make them cry

Deuteronomy's death, though he sure as fuck wouldn't let anyone see him cry.

34. How they react when they are feeling X emotion (sad, angry, excited, scared, etc.—can specify as many as you like)

Tugger is very good at keeping his composure when angry; when he's sad or annoyed his one really notable tell is that he doesn't eat as much. If he's frightened he'll hole himself up somewhere, probably somewhere up high. And if he's excited everyone within a fifty mile radius will be hearing about it.

35. Their idea of a perfect day

Not getting hassled by anyone, plenty of snackies, attention from fans, lounging time with his buddies, & perhaps a Misto performance to end the night.

36. Their favorite season

Spring and winter pretty equally-- he doesn't get cold easy so the snow and wind aren't really bad for him, and he likes watching the world transform around him in both seasons-- getting covered with snow in the winter and then getting covered with greenery in the spring.

37. What they really think about themselves

Tugger's confidence is genuinely not a performance, he really does think he's hot shit. He has his moments of insecurity and uncertainty, all people do, but he really does like himself and how he looks.

38. Favorite holiday

Human Tugger is a Christmas bitch.

39. Favorite game

Like board game? Video game? Card game? Human Tugger doesn't usually play video games and a lot of card games last too long for him to remain invested in them. Probably games like Cards Against Humanity would be his drug of choice.

40. Favorite book

He probably doesn't have a specific favorite book. Human!Tugger doesn't love reading due to undiagnosed ADHD and mild dyslexia that makes it hard for him to focus on the lines and words; he has a bit of a chip on his shoulder about how other people act like reading is so fun and easy when it's very obviously not, at least for him. After he gets diagnosed and finds some reading aids that work for him, he tends to read fantasy/adventure type stuff, usually shorter stories without series attached to them.

Misto reads poetry aloud to him sometimes; he likes ee cummings, especially 'I Like My Body When It Is With Your'.

41. If they could have lunch with anyone in the world (living or dead, from any fictional universe or the real world), who would it be?

I feel like he would pick someone like Darth Vader for the lulz and then get strangled.

42. 3 comfort items

The cats don't have many possessions so human au: his vinyl collection, his stuffed lion from when he was a kid, and his favorite leather jacket that Deut gave him.

43. 3 favorite foods and 3 they despise

Human au again: Tugger is actually not that picky as long as he gets to choose what he wants to eat, but he's not really a seafood nor a salad lover. He is very passionate about waffles as far as breakfast choices go, and likes milkshakes and most fast food.

44. Their happiest memory

I find these happiest memory questions so hard-- I don't think I even have a 'happiest memory'-- I have a bunch of happy memories, but I don't know which one I'd label as 'happiest'.

UHHHH in most human aus the whole Deuteronomy clan goes on these sort of hiking trips where they go out into an area like Arizona, real dry and desert-y, go on an adventure out into the wilderness, and race dirt bikes. They might own some land out there, or maybe there's some sort of resort they stay at, idk. But even though dirtbikes aren't his thing, Tugger loves these yearly trips and is genuinely bummed when they don't happen for whatever reason.

45. Their favorite celebrity

Himself first. In human aus he loves Prince and Jagger a lot.

46. The person they most admire

UHHH there isn't anyone I'd say Tugger wants to be like; he likes himself as he is. But he does love his dad and admits he could never do the stuff Deut does, and he also thinks Misto is the smartest guy alive with absolutely sick powers.

47. Their dream job

Famous singer.

48. Scariest moment of their life

In my human/celeb/soulmate au I mentioned a couple times, Tugger tells Misto about this one time that Deut got sick during Grammy season, and Tugger had to chose between staying with him in the hospital or actually attending the grammys. He makes it sound very casual when he tells Misto about it, but he ended up going to the grammys and spent the whole thing terrified he would leave and find a text or call telling him his father had died while he was receiving a stupid little award. Deut came out the other end fine, but Tugger was a jaded in the aftermath of that.

49. Favorite toy as a child

I'm ahead of myself! I mentioned earlier he had a stuffed lion as a kid. In cat aus, as a kitten he slept in Munk's den rather than the kittens' den with the other little ones, and thus had a ton of his own toys stored there that he didn't have to share with other kittens.

50. A memory they’ve blocked out

When Macavity initially betrayed the tribe and left (explosively and violently), baby Tugger was present and witnessed quite a bit of it. He was plenty old enough at the time to remember it, but whenever asked about the occasion he expresses uncertainty of if he was even around at the exact time Macavity left. He genuinely just doesn't remember any of it. All of the older cats who were also present for the event never press when he says this; they think he's probably better off not remembering.

#cats fan on main #thank you for the ask! 🥰🥰