#(I will say this feeling has definitely helped me find other sources of motivation for my writing

[transmutationisms]

i would love to hear more about your criticisms of the BITE model! for me it always feels.. unfalsifiable? it seems to do poorly at distinguishing a cult from any other community, if you squint at the definitions

yeah so first of all i'm not particularly keen on even trying to defend the category of "cult" in general. obviously abuse and control methods can and do happen in groups, but i don't think it's particularly useful to talk about this like there's a strict dichotomy between evil malicious groups and all the others. and i think generally, when people do try to sort groups into strict categories like that, what you actually see is that the differentiating factor is less to do with the degree of control exerted by the group and more to do with how much the person doing the sorting is bothered by the group's ideology or doctrinal commitments lol. like, this is sort of baby's first cult concept critique but yknow, a group setting where you're being extremely openly financially controlled is your job and yet most workplaces, however abusive and surveilled and controlling, are not typically designated a 'cult' unless they're also peddling some kind of heterodox religious or medical claims or something.

anyway in regards to BITE in particular, yeah i think it does a really poor job of distinguishing between a 'normal' level of social pressure to say/do certain things, and the kind of control that ostensibly characterises a cult. for example steven hassan has called both MAGA and online trans communities cults, and a lot of this comes down to his persistent and pretty open belief in the power of 'mind control' and hypnosis as mechanisms of cult control. ofc any group of any political persuasion could engage in abuse and high-control of its members! usually this occurs by financial means, social isolation, etc. but hassan's BITE model isn't really good at identifying these kinds of material factors despite paying lip service to them, because it's more motivated by his desire to root out these kinds of shadowy quasi-occult forces of mental reprogramming that he fears.

i just find the whole model to be pretty silly and used mostly as a way of justifying dislike of lots of different social, religious, and political groups---some of which are genuinely mistreating members, some of which are just saying things their critics disagree with---because it's perceived as a reliable social-scientific designation and therefore name-dropping it helps the speaker feel that they're making some kind of objective scientific observation rather than a judgment dependent, as are all judgments, upon their own perspective and values. i think instead of this kind of haggling over Which Groups Count As An Evild Shadowy Cult it would be infinitely more productive and helpful to vulnerable people to talk about how high-control groups operate, what sorts of methods specific groups are using to control and abuse their members, and what sorts of resources those members are dependent on the groups for and need access to from other sources: financial and material provisions, social support networks, etc.

#steven hassan

[intersectionalpraxis]

Hello! I hope this isn't an annoying question (I promise I'm not about to say something horrible or bigoted - I'm just shy and therfore anonymous), but I'd like to have your advice on how to go about informing people about the genocide in Palestine.

Most people that I know in-person have (quite literally) zero information about any of it, and I have no idea where to even start when informing them. It's hard to summarize everything that's been going on without overloading them with tons of information - or even boring them because I explained it poorly. Many of them have that mindset of "oh, this is bad, but there's nothing we can do," and I'd like to inform them as well as motivate them to advocate for Palestine themselves.

Sorry, this was kind of long! Thank you in advance!

Hello! It's definitely not annoying at all, thank you for your questions/inquiry.

subhi is on of the creators I always recommend following on tiktok and on instagram (if you aren't already) -their posts are both educational-based and they cover current events (for other creators on tiktok/all their platforms I'd recommend James Ray, A'isha, Dr. Nahla, fakegyllenhalal, Nuha, as well as anat_international -to name a few).

subhi created a free online crash course on Palestine that you can find here:

you can also find their page here: @/palestine.academy on Instagram:

Lets Talk Palestine on Instagram has a plethora of educational resources, too (I have followed them for years and they have helped me learn A LOT -their content has many 'beginners guides to' on their Instagram page. I also always recommend following them -here is their link tree:

Palipunk also created a Masterlist here, which they pinned on their profile, as well as fairuzfan -they have a list of helpful resources in this post that cover some of what you were worried about/how you can best address people who may not be as receptive or with whom don't know much about what is going on -I will attach it here:

These are great sources here for you to reference and/or share with the people you know in-person who would like to learn more about Palestine, from past to current, but also as a reference for you to feel more confident/comfortable talking about topics that you know about/have learned about. This is by no means extensive, but it is something I can share to give you a starting point.

I can't say I have the perfect response, but letting them know, first and foremost, you don't have to be an expert to understand that what is happening to Palestinian people is mass ethnic cleansing, and that the Israeli Occupational Forces (the IOF) are committing war crimes. If this was happening to any western/European country there would be a global outrage -like even recently Biden referred to what Putin was/is doing to Ukraine was genocide, but the systematic killing of nearly 30,000 Palestinian people is not?

And to emphasize -if they feel like nothing can be done or even after they understand/have acknowledged what is happening, you can encourage them to look into boycotting (as many Palestinian activists and allies have said -it's the least we can do), because it has been working in varying different capacities. Here is a helpful resource to look into and share with them directly if you are taking your time to go through some of the link I directed you to:

I am also nowhere near an expert on these topics, and there are plenty of Palestinian creators here and elsewhere that I follow that make content talking about Palestine that you also can look at as well (some of them are included here).

I hope this offers some more clarity, and I know there may be tough conversations ahead -and it may depend on context, but whenever I'm addressing global issues with people who don't know about what I'm talking about I usually start with "did you know about..." and if they're not receptive to something I say "do you realize what you said can come across as 'x'" and that 'x' being either insensitive, racist, sexist, xenophobic/whatever they said that is problematic. Turning the onus on them to answer for their bigotry of ignorance, and then being able to educate/inform them.

It's also never the responsibility of Palestinian people, or any person/community being oppressed by a settler/imperial/colonial force both* (fixed a typo!) currently and having a history of such to 'explain' their oppression -so please if they do look outside of the recommendations I've made, please tell them no person who has/experiences marginalization/systematic oppression has to educate them about their suffering (there are some exceptions, but my bottom line is if you don't know then do your own research). It's inappropriate and can be traumatizing/re-traumatizing to many. I'm not saying that's the case for you, but learning/unlearning is something we're all doing, and unless we attend a conference/watch a documentary/are engaging with content they create, then please be mindful of this.

Wishing you the best!

And as always, free Palestine.

#feminist #social justice #free palestine #palestine #free gaza #settler violence #freepalastine🇵🇸 #current events #current news #western imperialism #history #learning #education #unlearning #tiktok #instagram #letstalkpalestine #boycotting #boycott #bdsmovement #palestinian history #palestinian liberation #asked #colonial violence #imperialism #colonialism

[feverdreamjohnny]

Hi, I’m a newer game dev (at least I’m tryin to be one lol) and I’ve realized that I have a really hard time finishing projects, because I just get burnt out and lose any passion I had for it. Do you have any advice?

Here's how I've (sort of) navigated these issues:

- Make small games. This was originally my "starting out" advice for people, but as time has gone on I genuinely think this is the only practical method for indie development. When I say small, I mean SMALL. I don't mean "oh, make an 8 hour game with hidden levels and side quests," I mean "your game is, at most, a single hour long, preferably 30 minutes." I've seen enough indies overscope their work and get stuck for nearly a decade without a finished product because they wanted to replicate the scope of a game made by several people with millions of dollars. You can definitely attempt larger projects down the line, but for the most part smaller games are what give you consistent growth as a creative, a reliable audience, and if you monetize them on steam or itch.io - an income. It's also a great opportunity to explore experimental design/art without risks, which is always valuable.

- Regardless of the game's scope, you need to take multi-day-long breaks if you're experiencing burnout. Game development is a cerebral discipline and it will tire you out fast. Forcing yourself through burnout might squeeze out more results, but you're just amplifying burnout down the line. Recognize that the breaks are a natural extension of the process and don't wreck yourself trying to be "more" than that. Hell, even painters sometimes need a bit of space from their work before they can continue, why would it be any different here?

[MORE BELOW THE BREAK]

- Don't get hung up on the game not coming out like you thought it would. If you become frustrated because the game doesn't reflect your ambitions, it's easy to lose interest and want to move on from it. Games will almost never resemble the initial vision. Sometimes you have to avoid being a perfectionist and accept your game for what it is.

- Find community (if you can). Surrounding yourself with other developers can be a great motivator for your own work, and being able to tap into a larger pool for second opinions and assistance can help you break barriers that otherwise would've stopped your work.

- Take your time. Game development is slow, and learning the various disciplines inside of it is a lengthy process. It took me 8 years to do the stuff I do today. Granted you might have an easier time if you're older than I was when I started, but in general it will take years to get to a point where you feel confident.

- Try a different engine from time to time. Most modern engines are fairly well suited for independent game development, but the available resources surrounding the engine (such as documentation and community support) can vary wildly. I strongly recommend window shopping across several engines. There's a small chance that you're having a hard time because the engine you're currently using isn't well suited to you and your goals. Some recommendations based on the ones I've personally tried:

* Game Maker Studio 2 - Great general purpose engine for 2D game development. Has a great community and plenty of learning resources. It's also fairly user friendly. It does have a license cost if you want to monetize your games, so keep that in mind. Scripting is done with GML, which is very human-readable.

* Godot - One of the best open source 2D/3D game engines. Doesn't have all the features of its competitors, but it's rapidly evolving and what's already there is more than enough to make most games. It's also compatible with various programming languages! Also, being open source means that it's completely free of licensing costs.

* Unreal Engine - Freakishly powerful 3D game engine at the cutting edge for modern game development. The C++ scripting might be fairly tough to work with as a newcomer (especially since it's built around a special wrapper for the engine that changes some of the rules), but it does have a well supported visual scripting backend that could do you some good. 2D games are certainly possible in Unreal, but it's clear that's not what the engine is intended for. Also Unreal has a neat licensing policy where you don't have to pay them unless you make more than +$1M, so that's cool.

* Unity - This is the one I use. It's great for 2D and 3D, and has a rapidly evolving feature set. It's one of the few engines with a swappable rendering pipeline system, which lets you pick the fidelity to work with relative to your game: With HDRP you can work on high-end games, and URP is great for doing everything else. Like Unreal you can initially monetize your games for free, but you have to pay a monthly subscription once you cross +$100k. Also you have to pay a monthly subscription to get rid of the splash screen which kind of sucks. Other than that, it's a very robust engine with possibly the largest community of the engines listed here.

[vizthedatum]

Another Hinduism/spiritual/philosophy post (based on my current understanding from my readings):

Krishna clearly disavows cults.

He says that the only way to him - for people/devotees to teach his lessons - are for the people who come to him on their own, on their path to moksha (liberation).

We cannot teach anyone who is unwilling to learn, even if they say they are willing - the willingness needs to be ingrained in every, single, part of you, down to your very subconscious.

You must embody it completely and even beyond that. Because to do so is the most powerful act of remembering who you are.

And Krishna purports that through this process, we will realize that this is the only way to break through maya (illusion/delusion).

—

So this is all to say: don’t trust gurus who persuade you via false promises of a happy life, if they are not willing to be honest with you about how you see yourself. I think most gurus are false. I think there are people who provide services that can be helpful, but we must all be careful of who we trust - what is their motivation for helping you?

People do find cults - and I think they’re meant to find them, maybe as a challenge in their own physical-spiritual journey to see that it is yet another mask of delusion. (Oh and Hindus definitely find themselves in cults all the time, lmao)

Much like how many of my past friendships and partnerships were - there were a delusion of what I needed or even wanted.

And as much as I hate to admit it (a weakness of my existence), I haven’t fully let go of many of my maya - I want to, that’s why I study, that’s why I pray, that’s why I seek to achieve enlightenment, that’s why I want to treat people the way I think I should be treated…

I have not mastered many of the elements that Krishna tells Arjun about in the Bhagavad Gita - but it’s not necessarily about mastery, it’s about the process of getting there.

I want to be better - I want to keep learning - I want to keep living.

(I’ve often said this, and I’m not quite sure what he told me, but when I was suicidal in high school, it was ultimately the Bhagavad Gita that saved me.

I picked it up and read it on my own, I stopped listening to my parents’ bullshit, I paused time and meditated on the song and what it was saying, and I came to a conclusion that I cannot remember -

but the spirit of it has always stayed in me, and it is that spirit that propels me to fight to stay strong, to find resources, to find comfort, to feel my emotions, to meltdown, to embrace my body, to worship my goddesses, to find Krishna, to come out as trans, to seek refuge with my friends, to make mistakes, to learn from my mistakes, to be who I am despite of all of life’s challenges.

I strayed away from religion after high school - it shook me to my core because I thought I wouldn’t be a good scientist and because I got caught up in finding love from outside myself -

and now after multiple traumatic life events, I find myself more spiritual and devoted than ever, and I cannot go back. I cannot go back even if I wanted to.)

And because of this want, this compulsion…. which I think is part of the plan anyway, the truth will come to me that it’s always been there.

I think God/Source/the truth is everywhere - it is in every single object/idea we can sense, it is what we experience, it is our inner guiding light, it is within us, it is outside of us, its bigger than us, and it is us. It shows us that no one is better than the other.

I am not perfect nor do I aim to be.

I just want to be me.

—

So this is all further to say that:

We all have it within us to find our own truth, regardless of religion or method.

I will cease to stop telling people who cannot listen (I’ll blog and express myself of course!! People don’t have to listen to me on here, lol!)

Some people need guidance but they will find each other eventually. Connections often tell you what you need to work on.

I hope I continue to find my people/community (and I already have - I’m immensely grateful for my friends from all walks of life).

This is my own truth and journey - it’s something that has brought me immense peace as I continue to navigate this life.

#Hinduism #spiritual growth #healing #neurodivergence #trauma #love #queer #self love #prose #spirituality #Krishna #bhagavad gita #Gita #bhagavadgītā #fuck cults #my journey #healing journey

[urmultideadfandomperson]

Dahlia's Relationships with... (Part 2)

Character/s: Dahlia Rosenheim (OC), Alpheratz, Sirius, Vega

Genre/s: Fluff, Cracks, Mild Angst(?)

Warning/s: None, story only has no proofread

Summary: Dahlia's relationship with the sorcerers.

Requested by: None

Note: NAHH THIS IS CRAZY 😧 I ACTUALLY HAVE THE MOTIVATION TO WRITE LIKE I USED TO NO WAY!!! Anyway, this is the second part of the story. I hope you'll enjoy the read!

Alpheratz

Alpheratz and Dahlia are not very close to each other. However, they can be described as good friends whenever they are seen together. Despite not knowing on what to say in order to create a conversation, Dahlia can bond with the sorcerer through the comfortable silence of napping.

Alpheratz is a good friend for Dahlia despite the awkwardness in almost every conversation. Dahlia is often amused of him, an example is his stubborn attitude towards Spica. When a small banter comes up between the two sorcerers, Dahlia finds herself laughing as if their argument was a source of entertainment. She knows they care for each other, so she views their arguments as something similar with siblings. There are moments when Dahlia would be annoyed at him with how he teases Pollux, but eventually, she just finds it funny. The human knows that the sorcerer is a genius, and she likes to ask him questions. To her surprise, Alpheratz did not mind her talking at all.

Although they do not talk much, Dahlia still trusts Alpheratz. There are a few times Dahlia approached him to vent something he can understand when nobody was available. It might look like Alpheratz was disinterested. But in truth, he was listening to her. Alpheratz gives her a piece of advice before suggesting Dahlia to nap beside him. She gladly accepts his invitation, finding peace in sleep under a sturdy tree.

Dahlia is highly aware that Alpheratz is not very active. She only spots him hiding around to nap in broad daylight. A part of Dahlia feels somewhat empathetic of Alpheratz. She was once known as a smart student in her school. But as time passed by, as Dahlia turned into a middle schooler, Dahlia grew more unmotivated to participate. She understands what Alpheratz is experiencing; she was just too intimidated to ask. Dahlia is fine with talking to Principal Schedar, by the way. It was rather funny in her point of view that Alpheratz was keeping her away from his own grandfather.

"Damn, what a day," Dahlia yawns out after the long classes she attended in Contell. Everything felt so bland as if the usual lively ambience of the academy disappeared in thin air. Maybe Dahlia needed a bit of rest. Yes, some rest would be helpful.

As she walks down the halls of Contell, Dahlia finds herself outside of the building, her feet bringing her to the yard full of plants and trees. The atmosphere was tranquil and carefree, the birds chirping and the wind gently blowing. Another yawn escapes Dahlia's lips. She definitely needs that rest.

"What are you doing here?" A voice asks behind the human, startling her.

"Eep!" Dahlia squeaks before turning around, only to realize it was Alpheratz. She smiles lazily at the sorcerer. "Oh hey, Alpheratz."

"Hey, Dahlia," he greets her back, letting out a long yawn afterwards. Alpheratz asks Dahlia again. "What are you doing here? Are you looking for someone?"

"No, no," the human shakes her head. "I'm just here for a nap. I'm looking for a good spot to sleep. The classes made me bored."

Alpheratz replies to her with a hum. He looked like he was thinking about something. After a minute, he gave Dahlia soft smile. "I got you. Come with me,"

Dahlia smiles in return, thanking Alpheratz before following him. There, they lay down together under a tree as exhaustion takes over their bodies, letting the two friends slumber.

Sirius

Oh. Oh no. Sirius, what have you done?

Ever since Sirius and Dahlia got along together in Contell, the human unfortunately inherited the sorcerer's personality, learning how to tease. But on the bright side, that was all. Sirius was harmless towards Dahlia, and the Guides were relieved.

In Dahlia's eyes, she admits that Sirius is hard to read, as well as untrusting. Despite that, she likes how he is easygoing and fun to be around. Whenever Dahlia needs some company, she lets Sirius take the lead. The human tries her best to be friendly despite knowing his nature.

Like said before, Dahlia only trusts Sirius partially. She is careful to avoid spilling too much information to him, though she still tries to be more open as well. Dahlia knows that Sirius is a shady person. Everybody warned her more than once to watch his traps. Sirius never says anything about his color changing eyes; how can she trust him when he cannot even tell them that? But Dahlia holds a kind heart, believing that every person needs some love. So she did just that, showing genuine kindness to Sirius.

Although it may seem out of character, Dahlia does enjoy drama in her environment. In fact, Dahlia likes chaos as she finds it hilarious. The sound of laughter and screaming back in Mid Eartheim with her siblings was almost nostalgic, and she would do anything to remind her of family. Sirius would invite her to theaters and plays, which Dahlia would watch with focus. The acting was amazing in her eyes, and after the theater, she thanks Sirius for the invitation which the sorcerer takes it with gratitude. If Dahlia is in the mood, she would sometimes act on stage with Sirius.

"Summoner," Sirius calls out Dahlia with a playful smirk, watching her by the door as the human reads a novel in an empty classroom. He crosses his arms, saying, "why are you here, all alone in this silence?"

"Because I like it," she replies to him with a nonchalant tone, her eyes never leaving the page. "I got used to this lifestyle."

The sorcerer chuckles at her bland response. He shakes his head before approaching her, standing behind as he leans in to read the words in the novel. In interest, his irises turn to purple. "Ah, a fantasy reader, I see?"

"This is none of your business!" Dahlia immediately closes the book, looking back at Sirius with a blush on her face. Even her dark brown eyes were wide in surprise. "And don't sneak up on the people like that!"

"Sneaking up?" His eyes change to blue before he smirks, turning his irises to green. "I'm just reading with you, Summoner. Is there something wrong with that?" His eyes flash purple again, now walking in front of Dahlia. "Or do you prefer to have your privacy?"

"Look," Dahlia sighs after standing up, pressing her fingers to the temple of her nose to stay calm. These headaches always come up whenever Sirius is around, but a smile was also on her lips. "Just don't spook me like that again, alright? If you're here, then you definitely have an intention."

"Haha! The Summoner truly knows me!" The sorcerer laughs in delight, his eyes now bright red. "Yes, I do have a reason. In fact, I want to bring you along to the Central District."

"Is that so?" Dahlia tilts her head, her eyes full of curiosity. She gives him a soft smile. "What plans do you have in mind?"

Sirius replies, eyes yellow as he explains. "I was thinking of buying a pack licorice candy with you. After that, we can go to a play that features Polaris,"

Dahlia furrows her eyebrows, remembering that certain theater play. "Wait, isn't that the one we watched a week ago?"

Dahlia's question makes Sirius chuckle, his eyes flashing to green. He says, "oh no, Summoner. This play does feature Polaris, yes, but they are not the main character. This time, it is one of the Great Sorcerers."

"Then it must be interesting!" She responds with awe, her eyes sparkling in excitement. "When is going to start? How do we get the tickets?"

"Excited now, are we?" Sirius asks, irises now yellow. "It's going to start in twilight. Whereas for the tickets, I already bought it for the both of us,"

"That's amazing, Sirius!" Dahlia giggles in joy. She nods her head excitedly as she tells him to wait. "I'll be ready in a moment! Let me just pack my things,"

Once Dahlia is ready, the sorcerer instructs the human to hook her arms with his, which Dahlia does just what he says. They walk together out of Contell and down the Central District. Like what Sirius planned, they bought some licorice candy (and to Dahlia's surprise, he bought a bar of milk chocolate for her which the human is thankful for the treat) and watched the theater together.

Vega

In the beginning, Vega and Dahlia were still very awkward with each other. The sorcerer was cold and untrusting towards her, and the human was obviously intimidated by his behavior. Yet as time passed by, Dahlia notices that Vega is somewhat protective of her, even being concerned for her safety. This gives Dahlia a lot of confusion.

But now that Dahlia discovered the truth of their lost friendship since childhood, she now understands Vega's attitude. She sobs as she begs the sorcerer to rekindle what was lost, and she gives him a tight embrace when Vega agrees. In the present, Dahlia and Vega are very close to each other, and the sorcerers in Contell can definitely see that. Similar with Arcturus', many tend to confuse their relationship, planting theories that Vega and Dahlia are dating. But again, nobody is actually sure.

Just like in the past, Dahlia views Vega as her best friend. If she loved him as a true friend in childhood, the human will still love him as adults. Since they try to repair their past friendship, Dahlia is more than joyous to spend time with the sorcerer. She would talk with him about their likes, she would tell him her stories in Mid Eartheim, and even tease Vega! (This is Sirius' fault, keep that in mind.) Dahlia loves to compare their complexions, described Vega's skin tone as milk and her own Filipino color as chocolate.

In the past, Dahlia partially trusts Vega, just like in Sirius' case. But in the present, she trusts him with all her heart. They were childhood best friends, as if she would lose trust in somebody she cares about. However, despite that trust, Dahlia does not often approach Vega whenever she feels conflicted. In fact, she only opens up to him when he asks. Dahlia herself is also uncertain why she cannot bring herself to do so. But whenever Vega is approaches her with worry, she breaks down her walls.

These two do any activity that Dahlia suggests. Vega will just follow along without hesitation, even noticably smiling. Even if it was something childish, the sorcerer will not mind. Both of them wanted to feel the innocence as the children they used to be, so any idea would do... except the ones that are risky, of course. Since Vega is a veteran at hand-to-hand combat and swordfighting, Dahlia often spars with him with her enchanted dagger, yet she pouts whenever she realizes Vega is going easy on her. Dahlia also likes to join Vega in the greenhouse, helping him tend the plants before getting some gelato as dessert for the hardwork.

"Dahlia, where are we going?" Vega asks the Mid Eartheim person, his blue eyes covered by a blindfold. The Mid Eartheim person was currently dragging him somewhere, smiling and giggling as they walk.

"You'll see it later!" Dahlia smiles enthusiastically at her best friend, letting out another laugh. Vega smiles as he hears that laugh; some things never change from childhood, huh?

After a few more steps, the rustling of grass can be heard under their feet. Vega's nostrils inhale something fresh and clean, a subtle and delicate scent. Where are they right now?

"We're here!" Dahlia cheers as she stops in her place, looking at the beautiful scenery in front of her. Once she knows it was the perfect spot, she removes the blindfold from Vega's eyes.

As soon as the fabric was off the sorcerer's eyes, its first response was to squint as they adjust to the bright light of the sun. It took Vega a few moments before his eyesight was now normal. And in front of him was a sight to behold.

It was a gorgeous field of small flowers, all of their petals in a blue hue. The flowers look very familiar for the sorcerer, however he cannot point out where or when he saw them before. In the middle of the field, there was a small clearing which was covered by a picnic blanket, on top was a basket with delicious baked treats. Vega swore he heard himself gasp by such a pleasant surprise.

"Tada~!" The human sings out with glee, her smile wide as she looks at the sorcerer. She asks him; "What do you think? Do you like it?"

"Summoner," Vega softly smiles at her in return, his pale cheeks turning light pink. "I love it..." He nods his head, looking around at the natural environment. It is very caring and of Dahlia to think of a surprise for them.

The human smiles as she walks to the picnic blanket, taking off her shoes before sitting down on it. She pats a vacant spot beside, inviting the sorcerer to sit there.

Vega nods at her once, understanding her gesture as he kicks off his boots to sit beside Dahlia. His hand holds hers gently, and Dahlia holds his in return. Now their fingers are intertwined together. "Shall we?"

The sorcerer nods at Dahlia, taking a freshly baked pumpkin bread from the basket. He replies, "yes, let us."

During their picnic, Dahlia and Vega talk to each other about the most random topics their minds can think about. From the lighthearted ones to the deepest conversations, they would tackle about it. Dahlia also revealed that the flowers around them were called "forget-me-nots", saying that it was a promise to never forget what they are today. Hearing this sweet oath, Vega lets out a belly laugh for the first time.

#arcana twilight #arcana twilight alpheratz #arcana twilight sirius #arcana twilight vega #arcana twilight summoner #arcana twilight nation #arcana twilight fanfiction #arcana twilight fanfic #no proofread #tw no proofread

[madaboutmunson]

Let me hear you speaking just for me - Part B

This was a pretty long chapter so I've split it in two just for ease of reading :)

I Think I Could Have Been Someone - Chapter 7b

Ao3 Link

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Link to fic overview and all parts

Chapter Summary: Eddie gets the chance to interview Steve for his book.

Author Notes: This is a mature story, definitely 18+ only.

Tags/Warnings: rockstar!AU; band; touring; music industry; alternate universe; drug usage; alcohol abuse; performing; enemies to lovers; road trip; stobin; platonic stobin; platonic with a capital P;

Word Count: 6.2K

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Is that what your book is gonna be about?” He asks, sitting back in his chair. Eddie fusses nervously with his notepad and looks down at the blank page. Now, he’s been asked outright about the book's subject. It almost feels a little vulnerable.

“Yeah, well, I’ve been collecting pictures of artists, and I ask them all the same question, and the intention is to show a truth through words and the photographs,” Eddie looks up to find he has Harrington’s undivided attention, and that also feels a little strange, unnerving but not totally unpleasant. The admission of that in itself was weird, “Money and fame are great motivators, but not like music, right? People still make music even when those other things are no longer around. So I figured it would be interesting to see how artists felt about it at all different levels of fame.” Harrington tilts his head but says nothing, and Eddie feels like the quiet and his stare are pulling the words out of him, “So you are a huge star, right? Like, a household name, so you’d be in there, but then I also have my Uncle in there who has only ever played at an open-mic night once because I was too nervous about getting up there on my own when I was a kid. He has, like, zero interest in music being anything other than a source of enjoyment for himself. Even if he is pretty damn good, actually.” Eddie smiles fondly at the W on the inside of his wrist and brushes his thumb over it.

“Can I think about it a little while?” Harrington asks with his eyebrows slightly pushed together, and Eddie realises he’s said too much, but he would have expected Harrington to mock him for it, not whatever this was.

“Yeah, sure, uh, maybe we could, um…” Eddie looks at his other questions that lead on from that one. Most people just say music is everything to them and gush about their favourite band or the first time they heard a particular song or their first gig. Harrington's ringed hand waves near his face before he can decide the next course of action.

“Thought I’d lost ya there,” he chuckles, “Tell me to shut up if you need to, but I think I could offer some pointers if you want?” He holds up his hands in submission, “But I don’t wanna tread on your toes,” Harrington looks up into his eyes with a smile, “I just really wanna help you out, Eddie. In any way I can, you know?” his head tilts to the other side as he pours himself back into his seat, spreading his knees further apart.

Eddie does not want to admit defeat on his project, and it didn't seem like Harrington was trying to sabotage it with his delay in answering the question. It felt almost like he wanted to consider it more carefully, which was unexpectedly kind of him. But, the realist in Eddie knows that if he gets off this plane without the answer, he might never get the chance once they touch down. Logically, he recognises Harrington does these things all the time. He knows how these things go, “You know what, sure. Why not?” Eddie smiles with a light laugh. In for a penny, in for a pound, he figures.

“Good. That's good,” Harrington praises, which also feels strange to Eddie. He didn't want this guy’s approval, right? Did he? No, that's ridiculous. “So tell me, Eddie, how many of these books do you wanna sell?”

“What? Like a number?” Eddie asks, a little confused.

“Just a kinda idea, that's all. So I know what you’ll need, in respect to my fans anyway,” Harrington says, putting down his drink and turning back to Eddie, “That's why you want me in the book, right? So, my fan base buys it? You don't give the impression of being an avid fan of mine,” He adds with a smirk, and that gives Eddie the distinct impression he’s aware that this whole contract was essentially a mutual use of one another.

“I want to sell as many as I can, and yes, shamefully, appealing to your fan base is part of that,” Eddie says with a small smile.

“Nothing to be ashamed of. It's just business,” Harrington smiles at him and looks around the small area, “Bring your camera,” he says as he gets out of his seat and moves to one of the plainer parts of the section, “Easier to edit out if it's less busy I figured,” Harrington says as he observes the light on his hand and seems to try and find an acceptable place to stand before untucking his shirt.

“Hey! Wait, whoa, what are you doing?” Eddie blurts out, nearly dropping his equipment in a sort of panic. Why was he getting undressed? This was not that kind of book.

Harrington laughs, “Just take the pictures, would ya?” He turns around, his back to Eddie. He pulls the shirt up and ducks his head, revealing a substantial menacing wolf tattoo and cute text stamp of ‘Wild Thing’ on his lower back and the ribcage heart on his arm.

Eddie obliges and takes numerous shots as Harrington slightly repositions himself and the shirt to make it look as though he’s been caught in the middle of undressing. It felt very much like a voyeur shot, especially when he ducks his head to hide his face.

Eddie’s alarmed reaction causes the curtain to flick open and Jesse’s head to pop out, but he only glances at Eddie to assess the situation and then sends his gaze and smirk towards Harrington’s exposed torso.

“Hey,” Eddie pretty much barked at Jesse, “consider this a closed set. He’s half undressed,” and whilst Eddie knows that is said mainly out of jealousy, he would do the same for anyone he was in a shoot with. It’s always felt like his responsibility as a photographer to keep his subjects feeling safe so they could open up to the camera.

“Easy there, big dog,” Harrington laughs, “Maybe if he’s gonna gawk, he can make himself useful.” Harrington removes the top entirely and throws it at a giggling Jesse, who fumbles to catch it.

Harrington stands one hand on his hip, the other beckoning to Eddie, “Dude, my ego isn’t gonna withstand it if you don’t get that lens back on me.” 

This isn’t a side of Harrington Eddie had expected to see, acknowledging his persona, playful, knows his craft and public. Though loathe to admit it, he didn’t mind this peek into his other aspects.

“Sorry,” Eddie says, looking between them, “It's just habit. Protecting my models, I mean.”

Harrington’s eyes widen briefly, “Well, I wasn’t expecting that kind of forcefulness from you, but from our last meeting, there was a hint that you could be a bit of a spitfire,” he smirks mischievously and then tilts his head and plunges his hands into his back pockets, “I’m ok though, more than used to it. No harm in having fun when doing these things unless that would interfere with your process?” Eddie observes him, and he’s almost softer somehow. He’s pliant with what Eddie wants to achieve, and honestly, he didn’t look bad doing it in a certain light. Eddie brushes that off again. He didn’t like Harrington, not like that. It was just another model body. Eddie adjusted the camera settings, focusing on the wolf tattoo as Harrington turned around again. "That ink's impressive. Gotta story behind it?"

“Oh, you know, typical rebellion, my body is my own, I’m a lone wolf, bullshit,” Harrington answered lazily, striking a few poses as Eddie snapped away.

Eddie chuckles, “Lone wolf? Are you ever truly alone? I can’t imagine that you are.”

Harrington laughs, “Oh, brace yourself for the cringiest truth,” he looked back over his shoulder at Eddie, “It’s possible to feel entirely alone with a room full of people,” he turned around and shrugged, “Sounds stupid. I know.”

Eddie knew that feeling only too well in the fallout of his failing business. He’d felt very much like that. People just didn’t get him or wouldn’t listen, so he felt incredibly alone and cut off whilst still going through the motions of being there.

He feels a slight tug on his sympathy. Two men, two very different paths, both ended up feeling exactly the same for a time. He hears his Dad’s voice in his head calling him a pushover, but he’d rather be a pushover any day of the week than what he became for a time.

“Everything ok, Eddie?” Harrington asks with what sounds like genuine concern, and Eddie nods with a crooked smile, “Good, thought I’d lost you for a second there,” Harrington smiled at him, and it looked concerned and laced with something Eddie couldn’t quite figure out.

“What about your other tattoos?”  Eddie tries to shift the conversation back to something safe.

Harrington turns around and poses for Eddie to capture the few tattoos on his body. For the most part, it turned out the tattoos were essentially meaningless other than Harrington was claiming back a bit of himself with each one. It’s not a big deal now, but for a time in product advertising or acting roles, tattoos were generally not welcomed. So, with every tattoo he went out and got for himself, it was a piece of Harrington they couldn’t sell that he could keep covered up.

Eddie couldn’t imagine being treated like that. Like a piece of land, a show pony, or a billboard. Harrington assures him that most artists go through it at some point when the people who funded them want to reap the harvest. With Harrington, who’d been lucky enough to have been brought up around money and got some pretty pricey people to look over his contract, he wasn’t as over a barrel as most eager wide-eyed artists are money-wise, but not even that could help with paying back what he owed, and the louder Harrington was about supporting specific causes, which he saw as human rights, the sooner they wanted to be paid back.

It started with the text on his lower back that reads ‘Wild Thing.’ at the time, he was trying to make a statement. Now, it just makes him laugh.

The Slayer tattoo on his lower abdomen was another joke. He’d been touted in the papers as some kind of playboy whose dick put women under some sort of obsessive spell. It was total bullshit. He wasn’t dating any more people than the average person his age, and one at a time, but the paparazzi and gossip columns kept screwing things up for him, so his romances were short-lived. He walked into a tattoo shop, saw the word Slayer and decided that was the tattoo for him. Even though he had no clue who the band was. 

Many years later, that did bite him in the ass pretty hard, though, once tattoos became a little more embraced, they started appearing in his pictures. His fans caught wind of it, thought it was a band Harrington liked, found out about the band and although very popular as they were on the metal scene, it brought the band into the mainstream again for a year or two, by a pocket of his fans getting into them too. So, in the midst of this, Slayer invited him to play with them. This began a month-long crash course of all things Slayer for Harrington, and he actually became a fan.

“No way, man!” Eddie gasped, completely amazed. “I can’t believe you got to play with one of my favourite bands!”

Some refilled drinks had appeared, but Eddie had hardly noticed them being topped up after they’d sat down and Harrington had gotten dressed again.

“Hey, if we get these projects tied up nicely, I’d gladly give their people a call for you. They’re real awesome guys,” Harrington beams at him.

The heart-shaped rib cage on his arm was something again he rolled his eyes at. When Eddie pushed, he simply said, “Matters of the heart aren’t always as soft and pliant as we might have been taught.”

The last tattoo on the list is the heart gramophone in the centre of his chest. “What about that one? That has to be the most unusual out of the lot,” Eddie points the end of his pencil toward the centre of Harrington's chest, where he can just make out the tattoo through the sheer shirt. Harrington smiles, and it feels genuine and if Eddie didn't know any better, almost impressed. “Yeah, this design was a collaboration. It’s kind of a tribute to a song that saved my life and also a reminder, “ Harrington smiled, and it wasn’t one of his smirks. It doesn't look like the type Eddie has seen in photographs of him. It looks real. “It’s also kind of the answer to your question, actually.”

Eddie notices he’s on the edge of his seat, pencil poised against his notepad. This flight had been quite the reveal. He wasn’t best buddies with Harrington or anything, but finding him helpful and pleasant to be around had helped Eddie soften towards him, which was paying off. The less Eddie bristled, the less Harrington hid behind his image.

“My Slayer educational journey opened me up to listening to more heavy music, and exploring that genre was interesting. Turned out I’m not a super thrashy guy, but I appreciated it. From that, I started to listen to Metal that was born during my era, ya know. I found that Nu Metal stuff,” Harrington stops and looks at Eddie like he’s reading him.

“Yeah, I know that genre. It’s kinda my era too, but I am very much a thrash guy also,” Eddie smiled as if to reassure him he could carry on.

Harrington looks him over and relaxes back in his seat, “Well, I heard this song by Korn called Twisted Transistor and apart from literal parts of the lyrics,” he laughed, “It very much resonated with me.” 

Eddie watches Harrington swallow, and his arms wrap around himself subtly, “So, in answer to your question, it’s not really what music means to me. It’s very much that I don’t feel I could survive without it. It’s caught me so often when I was free-falling into the depths. The right song at the right time can be a lifeline, you know?”

That only intrigued Eddie more. What the hell happened to this guy? Is he just talking about overindulging and pushing too hard, or was it something much less hedonistically caused than that?

“And I also felt that music gave me one way I could really express myself. Even if it has to be heavily coded sometimes,” Harrington gives him a shrug of a smile.

Eddie can see that vulnerable look on Harrington and decides to change the subject. He has his answer for the book. “I remember you going through that phase,” Eddie grinned, “It made the news for weeks, that photoshoot and music video reveal.” 

Harrington hums, “Yeah, it did, didn’t it?” And Eddie almost feels like maybe that might not have been what it seemed.

Eddie puts down his notepad, but the dictaphone is still running. He and Harrington talk about music, their favourite artists, first and favourite gigs, guilty pleasures and phases, and before he knew it, the time was up. A huge surprise to himself, but he was disappointed the conversation was over.

“You’ll have to return to your seat now, Mr Munson,” Jesse advises, whom Eddie had utterly forgotten about for a while.

“Oh shit, yeah, of course,” Eddie said urgently as he scrambled to get his equipment together and packing it away to take back to his seat.

Once packed up, he turned to Harrington, “Thanks for your time, Harrington. It was a pleasure,” and he meant that. Maybe his therapist was right. He felt lighter for letting go of all that hate for a little while.

“It really was,” Harrington beams at him and stands up to shake his hand.

As Eddie turns to head back through to the other section, he feels a tug on his sleeve. He’s half expecting to see Jesse, but he knows as he turns from that heady cologne it’s Harrington.

“So when we get back to the hotel, you’ve got your pick of where to stay from what’s available, but if you don’t like anything on offer, my suite has multiple bedrooms, and you’re welcome to one if you need it.” Harrington offers, and Eddie is almost floored by it.

“Uh, well, I kinda like to have my own room, in case of different, uh, schedules,” Eddie says. He didn’t want to seem ungrateful for the offer, but he didn’t want to be kept up all night by Harrington and friends.

Harrington tilts his head and smiles, “Yeah, that’s fair. How about we go through the photos and the checklist for the residency later? Drinks on me,” he laughs, and it’s fucking charming. The checklist has been signed off, and maybe Harrington is just looking for another way to hang out with him, and he guesses he understands that, in respect of he’s enjoyed their interactions today. The more amiable they were, the better this project would turn out, and after what he learned today, it sounded like they both really needed that.

“It would be a fantastic opportunity for me to finally be able to give back. You’ve been helping me for years,” Harrington’s eyes flick to his and then back out the window.

“What?” Eddie frowns in confusion.

“I have a picture you took of me, and I,” he looks at the ground for a spell, his hands on his hips. He looked embarrassed but built himself up to say, “I felt you captured me in that shot, like my very soul in that moment in time.” He shook his head with a soft laugh, “That’s why I’ve been bugging you for years to work with me. I wanted to be around someone who really saw me, just like you did in that picture.” Harrington shifted his weight from one leg to the other, “It helped me feel less disconnected when I’d look at it.” Eddie sees another odd thing, Harrington gives him an awkward smile. The kind that people give you when they already know you're about to reject them somehow. 

Eddie ponders that maybe this photograph he enjoyed so much didn’t hold the weight for Eddie that Harrington thought it did, but that was pretty normal in his photography experience. He didn’t look at every family portrait he’d taken and gush with pride like the family did when they looked at it. Maybe this time around, he could genuinely capture some magic if he got to know Harrington a little more. Today hadn’t been so bad at all.

“You know what, yeah, that would be really helpful, thanks,” Eddie smiled.

Harrington’s face erupts into the biggest grin he’s seen to date, and he wishes he hadn’t packed his camera away, “Great, see you later then, Eddie,” he flicks his hand in a wave, and they both return to their seats.

Eddie sits in his seat and sighs contentedly as the seatbelt sign lights up. Maybe it didn’t need to be such a chore. When a flight attendant comes around to check his belt, they also hand him another notecard, which he opens quickly. It has a telephone number, a smiley face, and ‘Harrington’ written, not signed, underneath it.

Upon landing, there is a very direct split in the people on the plane. The majority of people, including himself, are requested to remain in their seats. Harrington is swamped by security and bustles through their section, quickly off the plane first. That makes sense, Eddie thinks. He’s gotta beat the crowds and get to the hotel.

As the plane door opens, Eddie hears the crowd's noise, a mixture of cheers, screams and the shutter clicking, and this is on the tarmac. He hasn’t even got down the stairs. The shades of his and some of the security’s sunglasses show their purpose as the flashes go off. So many Eddie thinks their lenses look like star-crowded skies, but there was only one star in which anyone else was interested.

A few minutes after Harrington has descended into the chaos, one of the lesser security team members appears back through the door and waves everyone else off the plane, down the stairs and towards a small executive coach.

Once everyone is in their designated seats, they all have a small gift bag with their hotel key card, an overpriced designer bottle of water, some towelettes to freshen up with, and some snacks already inside.

The security member stands at the front of the coach and pushes her shades on top of her head, “Ok, everyone, we’ve got a mix of veterans and newbies to the Harrington convoy, so I’m just gonna go over this for ya. Please give me a minute of your attention. It's super simple.”

“Mr Harrington, as you can see, is currently running distraction for us,” she gestures out the tinted window to where Harrington is still signing things and taking pictures, much to Eddie’s surprise, “But he can’t do this all day, so our side of the operation has to be slick,” she says looking around the coach as the driver starts it up, “So let’s keep it simple, go where I tell you without argument if you have a problem between here and your hotel room I’m your point of contact. Once in your rooms, please stay put until we call you to notify you the area is cleared down. There will be fans and professionals alike trying to infiltrate the hotel to get at Mr Harrington or information on the upcoming performances, so consider this your first reminder that strangers aren’t your friends on this trip.” 

As the coach finally departs the tarmac to head for the exit, she smiles at them, “That might sound a little restrictive in principle, but it’s for your safety and the safety of others. However, for the duration of your stay, you can consider yourselves under the Harrington family umbrella,” That gets an excitable buzz throughout the vehicle that confuses Eddie, and a handful of others clearly don’t understand the significance of that either.

The security team member smiles at the puzzled faces, “Anything you need during your stay, anything at all,” she emphasised with a smirk, “Is on Mr Harrington or the label. When you get to your rooms, the number for your point of contact will be taped next to your phone. For any room service or housekeeping, you can call down to the front desk.” 

She pulls her sunglasses back down, “And last of all, remember to have fun,” she smiles and disappears into her seat to applause.

It only took around fifteen minutes to get to the hotel, but they were to remain seated as their luggage was retrieved. They were assured it would be returned to them shortly and to just go to their room and wait for the call.

Eddie finds his room without trouble. He finds the number taped next to his phone and notices a key with a different room number on it.

He walks around his sizeable room, reclines back on the bed, and watches TV while waiting for a call or his luggage to arrive.

Twenty minutes and a knock on the door, Eddie is reunited with his luggage and work gear. He stops the security guy before he leaves, “Uh, I think someone left another key in here, but the number on it isn’t to this room,” Eddie says, gesturing towards the phone.

“Oh sure, yeah, that’s to Mr Harrington’s suite. He wanted to make sure if you changed your mind about the entourage rooms or wanted to catch some more candid shots, you had the access to do so. The number on it is just a decoy-type thing. Probably a good idea to reassure him you got it,” he nodded, “Anything else I can help you with?”

Eddie shakes his head, “No, that’s great, thanks,” he smiles and closes the door behind the security guy as he leaves.

Eddie takes out his phone and the note card in his pocket and messages Harrington.

I got the key card and gift bag. Thanks. Let me know if you still wanna go through the photographs later. If not, it's understandable. It looked crazy out there! Eddie

Moments later, his phone pings. It’s Harrington.

No problem, buddy. It might be fairly late, though. I got a few interviews and hotel obligations before I’m free. Steve 🙂

Cool. Let me know when you’re free, Eddie replied

Eddie spends the next hour or so making some barely edited versions of the shoot on the plane. Just making them look less flat and adjusting some aspects of the lighting to make the tattoos really pop. 

He can’t hear much outside noise in the hotel room, but Harrington must be here now as there is some kind of kerfuffle outside, which is enough to shatter the peaceful sanctuary of his room. Eddie gets up from his desk and takes a peek.

The relatively busy road they had travelled to get to the hotel was at a standstill. Someone was trying to redirect the traffic because a solid wall of fans was going partway across. The two lines that look like they are coming out of the hotel, which he imagines but be more fans flanking the hotel entrance, it was challenging to say for sure at this height.

Soon, the outlines of the crowd start to be bitten into by sharp, bright white stars. Like popcorn, there are few at first until the area is almost entirely flooded by repeated small explosions of light, and then they die out. Just like the main chunk of the crowds until barriers are gone and traffic flows as usual.

A while after the phone rings in Eddie’s room, a member of security advises him he’s free to roam freely around the hotel and its pool, theatre, casino, and stores.

He does just that, but his mind is plagued by the conversation on the plane, how he diverted the press and fans, and the hospitality in general. He had the whole plane in the same hotel as he was, and whilst Eddie chugs a cocktail slushie that he didn’t have to pay for because it’s all taken care of, he paces around the slot machines, and wonders if Harrington was truly as awful as he’d built him up to be. It’s not like he knew about the aftermath.

He turns a corner and comes face to face with a life-size Harrington cut-out, directing anyone with his charming half smile to check out the all-new Harrington-themed slots. Eddie blinks a few times, shakes his head, and returns to his room. There really isn’t anything they wouldn’t put him on.

Eddie’s phone goes off several hours later, and he wakes still wrapped in the robe from after his bath and a plate of green stalks from the chocolate-covered strawberries he had treated himself to.

He blindly reaches for his phone to find a message from Harrington.

I’ll be ready in 20 if you still wanna hang out.

Eddie goes into full panic; he thought the lack of messages throughout the evening meant he wasn’t going to be available, yet at nearly midnight, he’s carved out some time for Eddie.

He scrambles to get ready but then thinks better of it and texts back a much more relaxed message than he actually feels.

Yeah, cool. See you then.

Nearly twenty minutes later, Eddie finds him outside the door of Harrington’s suite. Buckley is right next to the door, and a few members of her team line the hall. Eddie gives her a nod and a forced smile of greeting. In return, she raises an eyebrow and turns away again. 

She held her earpiece momentarily and then turned to Eddie, “You can go in.” She says simply, and Eddie does as he’s told.

He walks in to find Harrington in a different set of Rockstar attire. Another set of clothes can be seen slung over a chair, some blue jeans and a white T-shirt. Staple Harrington uniform. That’s how he looked on most of his albums and tours, not this dark, brooding version of himself.

“Hey man,” Harrington says almost pleasantly, not the couldn’t care less greetings he’s had before, “Didn’t know if it was gonna be too late for you?”

“Nah, I’m good,” Eddie says with a laugh. He’s not even sure why he does that, “Thought you might be wiped from the day.”

“I’m used to it, plus I’ve kinda been looking forward to this,” Harrington says with a small smile, “We got a full bar of drinks, and I can order some food if you're hungry. Just help yourself to whatever you want, you know?” He leans a bony hip against a table and gestures around before his hand migrates naturally back to his hip.

They while away the next half hour chatting about music, looking through Eddie’s pictures of other artists, and talking through Harrington’s expectations for the checklist of photos.

Eddie, weirdly again, is enjoying his company, or maybe it's the energy drink he’s gulping down? 

“Hey, could I see the ones you took of me last time? Could you talk me through ‘em?” Harrington asks with hopeful eyes, his hand on Eddie’s shoulder.

“Yeah, of course. I mean, my work has improved since then, but I still have them,” Eddie says, leaning over to find the correct folder.

Scrolling through hundreds of photos is pretty fun. Harrington makes a few self-deprecating jokes about how he looks now compared to then. But Harrington's mood drops as they move into more backstage candid shots. Eddie knows he could completely ignore it, and he tries to a few times, distracting him with anecdotes, but Harrington will reopen the same picture repeatedly. It’s that same barrier shot, and he’ll look at it, then Eddie, but say nothing, and it’s confusing as hell and a little annoying. So Eddie bites the bullet.

“You don’t like some of these shots or something?” Eddie asks cautiously, “I mean, feedback is feedback. It will help me ensure I don’t make the same mistakes twice.”

Harrington furrows his brow in confusion, “It’s not your work, Eddie, that’s great. It’s just,” he stops himself from the next thing he’s about to say and huffs in frustration, “You can’t make the same mistakes again, because those people aren’t around anymore. Fucking assholes. Traitors!” Harrington seethes, and he brings up the same barrier shot again.

Eddie feels like something is unspoken, and he keeps moving back to this picture where he thinks he saw him for who he truly was. But Eddie had just taken a tried and tested shot.

“I’m surprised this one is your favourite. It was everywhere at one point,” Eddie tries to lighten the mood.

“Was it? I wouldn’t know. They took all my social media away from me,” Harrington grumbles, and Eddie can see him slowly sinking in on himself.

“Yeah, man it was on every kind of merch and your posts, fan stuff, news articles everywhere. But I guess you wouldn’t have seen the full impact of it without socials.”

“It fucking sucks sometimes, you know? Getting treated like a fucking kid. Being pushed and paraded around like a living fucking billboard for whoever is throwing their money at us that week. This life is fucking gross sometimes,” Harrington complains.

Eddie can’t help but feel how easily he’d give up most things to be as rich as Harrington. He’d kick the fame stuff to the curb and just disappear with a boatload of cash, flipping everyone the bird goodbye.

“I mean, that sure sounds like it’s sucked, but it could have been worse, dude,” Eddie says, consoling him a little bit, also trying to get him out of this side of himself that is slowly grinding on Eddie.

Harrington huffed out a laugh, “Really? Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is to have that happen, like explaining to your peers, ‘Oh, I’d love to promote your charity, but my socials are run by that eighteen-year-old cyborg in the corner because they are viewed as more responsible than me’? Or worse, fans asking me questions at panels that I have no idea how to answer because I have never seen whatever post they are referencing?” Harrington looks annoyed almost, “Then I get labelled as high or drunk or worst of all that I don’t give a shit.”

Eddie has an excellent idea of what it’s like to have something hit him out of nowhere, the source of which is a post he had no idea about. Eddie’s lip twitches and he is about to suggest looking at some of the pics he took at an open mic night a few months back, but Harrington is still going.

“And for what? I got a little wasted one night and posted a rant video. Like, who gives a shit? There are people out there who do way worse and keep their socials. They get fully cancelled and then turn up a month later, and everyone forgets about it! That’s just the modern world! People just need to suck it up!” Harrington spouts from his imaginary soap box.

Eddie's relaxed hands are balled fists, his smile is a tight line, behind it a set of gritted teeth on a clenched jaw. 

This guy is precisely the privileged prick he thought he was. Unaware of the consequences of his actions. They’ve been hidden from him so well that he’s complaining that they didn’t let him get drunk all the time and spout his unfounded woes night after night to the public. Eddie wished his biggest problem was being unable to retweet his friend’s dog’s wedding pictures.

Eddie is livid and feels like he has a chance to stand up for everyone Harrington has potentially bulldozed in the past without a care in the world about who he affected.

Keeping his voice barely level, he asks, “Do you even remember what you said in that video? The one that got you banned from socials?” Eddie figured he’d need to specify because this asshole would be able to differentiate between them all.

“No, man, I was fucking wasted. I bet the people who watched the video couldn’t even make out half of what I said. It was a stupid little video,” Harrington huffs out a laugh, making an unholy rage run rampant through Eddie.

“I wouldn’t say that,” Eddie sneered, “I think they heard you loud and fucking clear!”

Harrington’s head snaps to him, “Are you ok, man?”

“No, man, I’m not fucking ok. That stupid little video ended my career!” Eddie snarls out his words as he feels the bile rise in him, “You were complaining about your sad little rich boy life,” he mockingly pretends to cry, wringing his fists by his own eyes and fake pouting, “and you felt that I was special enough to make the cut for the list of people that did you wrong!”

Harrington shakes his head in disbelief, “No, that’s impossible. Someone would have told me.”

Eddie makes an incorrect buzzer sound, “Wrong! They wouldn’t because they needed you to not be sad-boy-Harrington and get on with your fucking job. Sent you to a nice swanky rehab after making a show of it. That you were ‘struggling’ with some injury or some fucking bullshit.”

“What?” Harrington asks, entirely in shock.

“That was, of course, complete fucking lies too because you hopped the rehab fence and were seen dancing and drinking the night away in some bar with your fans!” Eddie is raising his voice now.

Harrington just stares at him blankly. His mouth partly opens and closes like the pea-brained goldfish of a man that he is. God, Eddie hated him.

“You complained about how I wouldn’t work with you. Which was not true! I couldn’t! I had no space in the calendar. But the twisted whispers from facts to whatever met your ears apparently gave you the right to call me out publically.” Eddie glares at him as he stands up and paces away and then back to him, “I didn’t even see the original video when it landed, but I didn’t need to because your fucking nutcase cult of fans harassed me incessantly for years!” Spittle flies from his mouth as he rages at Harrington, purging everything he can at the confused man sitting in front of him. “And all for what? For a meaningless picture, you read your fucking bullshit into.” Eddie feels the venom fill his body, and he bites a visibly crumbling Harrington right where it hurts most, “I saw nothing in that photo other than a ticked checkbox. This isn’t a special fucking shot. I just wait for the correct marks to be hit!”

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Songs that inspired this chapter:

Stripped - Depeche Mode

Come as you are - Nirvana

#steddie #steddie fic #steddie fanfic #rockstar!Steve Harrington #rockstar!SteveHarrington #photographer!Eddie Munson #photographer!EddieMunson #steddie au #steve x eddie #eddie x steve #fanfiction #steddie fanfiction #steddie fan fiction #madaboutmunsonITICHBS #madaboutmunson #enemies to lovers #alternate universe

[anti-katsuki-lounge]

Seeing those posts about wanting to do MHA rewrites gets me to admit that I want to do my own take as well at some point! But I came to ask about something else.

There’s another writing project that I have been wanting to do for a while now. It involves the Izuku Solo Arc, namely a rewrite of Class 1-A vs Izuku.

I HATE it. I HAAAATE it SOOOO much. A lot of it has already been covered here on previous posts on the blog, so I won’t waste time listing them all (plus I already covered some of it on a post I made long ago).

In short, I want to write it to where only some of Class 1-A go and meet with Izuku, they talk, and it ends to where Izuku doesn’t go back to UA, but instead continues to go solo, only this time, he’s getting support not only from his classmates, but UA, the other hero schools and pro heroes.

The main thing I am so hesitant on is getting Izuku’s reasoning and mindset right. Perhaps I am reading too much or misreading it all together, but it feels like the issues with Midoriya are simple and yet a lot of them about were thrown at me all at once and I have no idea what the main source of his issues are. And seeing how the narrative during that arc twist it so that he looks like he’s in the wrong and the godsend Bakugo’s in the right of course, I can’t find myself to trust the story as a reliable narrator for what Midoriya’s problems are. If that makes sense.

And seeing how you have given good ideas to others on their stories, I would like your opinion or idea on how to approach it and what the main issue of Izuku is. Because that way, I can focus more on who will be in the team that goes out to find him, and who can say what to help Midoriya. I want him to gain the closure he deserves and the knowledge and support of the people that care and treasure him. I want that feeling he had when Uraraka stood up to him at UA. I have a few other candidates depending on the awnser , but Uraraka, Iida, and Todoroki are definites. And if I come across as too all over the place, please tell me and I’ll try again.

(And to anyone reading this, if you have ideas you think would help, please share! I want to do this and Midoriya JUSTICE).

It’s actually pretty funny you bring this up cause I was recently thinking about this too and how I wanted this arc to play out in my own rewrite 😂.

So first off, I 100% agree with you. The reunion was done so poorly and I absolutely hated it.

Second, let me discuss his motives for a second. Izuku leaves U.A to draw AFO away from his friends and family. AFO wants his quirk and he knows this. He knows AFO will stop at nothing to get his wish and Izuku is willing to leave everyone and everything he knows and loves behind because he doesn’t want anyone to get hurt. Let’s also remember the fact Izuku’s a teenager, a teenager who is fearing for his life, but more importantly, the life of his friends. He saw Katsuki get skewered and “die”, he saw his other classmates damaged and wounded. He saw/heard that several pro heroes die, including Midnight, a teacher he most likely had class with. He doesn’t want anyone else to die again, and he knows that he’ll either have to stop AFO himself or he’ll have to disappear. He ends up doing the latter, vanishing from his old life with no support and being used as bait to attract AFO. This is a mentally scared child who, overcome with his emotions, has made a decision that is poorly thought out yet rational at the same time. He sees that AFO is after him, knows that AFO has no mercy, and decides that he’ll lead him on a wild goose chase away from everyone he cares about. However, he being the hero that he is, still is willing to go out anyone he sees needs it, something that the villains in this arc take advantage of. Also, keep in mind that the horrors don’t end for Izuku. He watches Lady Nagant get blown up, is physically and mentally exhausted (not having slept for like three days), and finds himself powerless against a villain who’s using civilians as puppets.

So why is all of this relevant? Izuku knows what AFO is willing to do, he sees the types of people he’s employed, and from everything he’s been told about AFO, the man will do far worse. Secondly, AFO is not only stockpiled numerous quirks in his (120+ year) lifetime, but can steal quirks, making him quite literally a counter to everyone who isn’t an OFA user. With one touch he can yoink someone’s quirk. Izuku knows this. Sure, 1-A’s filled with many promising individuals with amazing quirks and talent, but that’s not enough to fight against a man who’s got the strength of All Might, more intellect than Nezu, and more versatility than all of 1-A combined. Izuku also knows that his class is his age and has also been exposed to almost the same horrors he has. These are teenagers who still have a lot to learn and still have many years ahead of them. The same can be said for Izuku obviously but he’s willing to sacrifice his own life to save others, so he’s not taking these two things into consideration. He’s just thinking to himself “I don’t want my friends to continue facing these things because I’m around. The best way to protect them is to leave”.

Finally, let’s talk about Katsuki’s speech. He thinks Izuku’s looking down on him and the entire class because they can’t compete with OFA, which is is completely false… partly. Yes, Izuku says they’ll die, but remember that AFO can freely yoink any of their quirks and render them quirkless, and seeing as 1-A possess almost no weapons, protection, and aren’t like Batman and Iron Man, it’s safe to say they’ll be sitting ducks if that happens. At least Izuku’s quirk won’t get stolen, so he can definitely slug around with AFO and is best equipped to deal with him. He’s not looking down on them, he’s being realistic. Hori tries to frame this as growth for Katsuki but fails as he forgets his MC’s reasoning. Katsuki looks down on people because they’re weaker than him and considers himself the best. That’s it. Izuku isn’t looking down on anyone here, rather he’s being realistic and is trying to save his classmates from having to undergo further harm. Katsuki‘s motives are selfish. Izuku’s motives are pure, based on information he’s learned and events he has witnessed.

We then get to the battle and we see that Izuku is 100% correct. Many pro-heroes die and have their quirks stolen by AFO. His classmates suffer grievous wounds in battles which have amounted to nothing (Katsuki “dying” without even making a dent against Tomura, Kyouka losing an earphone jack against AFO in a battle that was really just AFO toying with them (and included the current Number 1 hero), and Shoto and Dabi’s fight also having gone nowhere (with Dabi even fleeing the scene to fight Endeavor). U.A’s whole plan hinged on Izuku being where Tomura was, and you know what happened? He was separated and the entire plan went to shit. Everything Izuku was afraid might happen DID happen. Now, that’s not to say that Izuku going alone would’ve produced better results. He’d most likely get tag teamed by Tomura and AFO and he and whatever pro heroes followed him would get wrecked. However it would save his classmates from having to witness the horrors of AFO once more, which was his goal to begin with.

Izuku’s plan hinged on being separate from everyone and to lure AFO away. Obviously it was a half-baked plan, but Izuku was hoping to keep the destruction away from others and perhaps even trap AFO in a situation where Izuku can call on some pro-heroes to ambush him. However, this left him without his support system. The only people he could even come close to relying on were the pros monitoring him, and to be honest, they did jack shit. They didn’t give him a place to rest, they didn’t aid in his battles, and they hardly monitored him in the first place. Without a solid support system, he couldn’t rest. What he needs is someone who’ll help convince him to allow them to carry some of his burden. However, he also needs someone who will listen to him. The huge problem I had with 1-A’s confrontation is that they only had one goal in mind and they mindlessly ignored Izuku’s concerns or reasoning. Katsuki completely undermines and belittles him once more and his classmates don’t take the time to try to understand him. Yes, it’s a large battle, but one that wouldn’t have started if they took some time to talk. Instead, they came ready to fight, even having some sort of chair they were going to handcuff him to. That’s not really the behavior I’d be receptive to if I’m exhausted and scared for my life. Now, obviously Izuku will still be hesitant at first and it’ll take him a lot of convincing to make him feel even slightly comfortable with some of his classmates tagging along, but the key thing here is that they have to listen to Izuku, understand where he’s coming from, and allow him to make the choices, including what he feels best would take down AFO, while also making sure they keep him grounded (like voicing any disagreements they may have and offer solutions, etc.). This is a tough time for Izuku and he’s hell bent on doing this on his own, and it’s up to his classmates to not only aid him, but offer him the support he needs. U.A was a disaster specially BECAUSE no one listened to him.

#anti katsuki bakugou #anti bakugo katsuki #anti bakugo #anti bakugou #mha critical #izuku midoriya

[funnywormz]

putting some red dwarf headcanons below the cut bc im feeling kinda crappy and just wanna talk abt them.

please keep in mind that these are my readings of the characters and im in no way trying to claim these things are canon or the "correct" way of interpreting them, this is just how i see them personally. a lot of this is just rlly self-indulgent and involves me Projecting. if you don't agree with me on any/all of these, that's fine, i don't expect anyone to be on board with all of them tbh, just pls be nice to be abt it im sensitive

also just a warning. this post got very long bc i have a Lot to say lol

lister

gender: trans man, he/they

sexuality: bisexual

other: adhd (inattentive type), depression, amputee with prosthetic arm

notes: i headcanon lister as a trans man bc im trans masc myself and i find it very comforting to see him that way. it also fits in well with some aspects of canon, like his pregnancy in season 2. he's also just trans masc swag personified lol.

the bisexual headcanon seems to be shared by a lot of ppl in the fandom, and it's personally the way i see him. i think he has a definite preference for women but is still occasionally attracted to men, and (i am pretending that one scene in series 7 doesn't exist here lol 😒) i don't think he'd be repressed abt it at all. he's horny and not afraid to act on it

in terms of the neurodivergent stuff, i think adhd-i fits with his personality pretty well. i think that combined with his tendency to be depressed makes it hard for him to stay motivated and focused, and often means that he doesn't rlly take care of himself or his personal hygiene and seeks out short-term sources of pleasure like food, video games, alcohol and sex to keep himself happy, but can't rlly focus on long term goals. being the last human alive stuck in deep space definitely doesn't help. often his "laziness" is a result of his lack of energy and motivation rather than being an intentional thing. some days he just spend all of his time curled up on his bunk sleeping bc he can't find the drive to do anything else. he doesn't rlly WANT to be that way, he wants to have fun and actually do things, but it doesn't always happen and he has some rlly bad days at times.

with the prosthetic arm, personally i think they should've given him a prosthetic and had a proper character arc around him learning to cope with a disability back in season 7/8, rather than playing it off as a joke and immediately retconning it. i haven't rlly done much planning for this one yet but i just know i want it to be a thing. i think he would probably have a dope looking robot arm or something bc there's no way he'd just go for a boring generic arm if he had the choice imo. he would love to deck it out and customise it and put stickers all over it despite kryten telling him not to hehe

rimmer

gender: mostly cis man but maybe with a little hint of nonbinary-ness in there that he unfortunately refuses to acknowledge. he/him

sexuality: h for homosexual BABEY!!!!!!

other: autism, adhd (hyperactive), panic disorder, generalised anxiety disorder

notes: i think that it's quite possible that rimmer could have a little bit of gender stuff going on. when he projects his own insecurities abt gender and sexuality onto ace he specifically makes jabs abt ace probably wearing women's clothes in secret multiple times, which is equally as telling as his sniping abt ace being gay.

i also do headcanon rimmer as gay, but deeply, deeply repressed about it. he pursues women and kinda forces himself to believe he's attracted to them, but it's out of his desire to meet his own stupid arbitrary expectations of what he "should" be like, rather than out of any genuine attraction. ik a lot of ppl see him as bi, which is perfectly valid! but personally his pursuits of women read to me as something he does bc he feels he needs to do it to complete his image rather than something he does out of any real desire. he's also got enough internalised homophobia that it'd probably take decades of therapy to make him be normal abt it lol. rimmer wants to be the kind of man that he thinks will receive respect and will meet the expectations his family put on him as a child, and having a wife and children was always part of that image for him. he never really stopped to consider if that's something he actually wanted. i think he becomes more accepting of his own queerness as time goes on, but it does take time.

the neurodivergent stuff should be pretty self explanatory but im gonna rant abt it anyways. as an autistic person myself, i find rimmer very relatable. there are multiple scenes in the series where jokes and sarcasm go over his head completely, and countless times where he misreads body language and doesn't seem to get what kind of behaviour is appropriate for certain situations. he just seems to struggle with social interaction and bonding/making friends in general. he has intense interests that others don't rlly understand, like telegraph poles, risk, cars, morris dancing, etc. he gets pleasure out of organising and sorting things to a degree that seems pedantic to others, and seems genuinely confused when lister doesn't share his enthusiasm for cataloguing the ship's food stocks as a fun saturday night activity. he seems to enjoy routines and predictability, and gets upset when unexpected things happen. he also tends to get obsessive about small details rather than focusing on the big picture.

in terms of hyperactive adhd, it seems to me that rimmer often has a hard time slowing down and relaxing, and seems to need to be constantly on the go and doing things and generally fussing about. he also is self aware abt the fact that he has a hard time being quiet, and needs to talk more and at a faster pace than most other people, especially when he's nervous or distracted. as well as this, he often stims by rocking back and forth and jiggling his leg up and down (this also fits with the autism hc). he also has a tendency to procrastinate and seems to have a hard time studying, despite his attempts to convince people otherwise. it often comes up in the series that he'll get hyperfixated on doing something a bit arbitrary, like making an impeccable study timetable/schedule, or tidying, or sorting things into perfect order, rather than actually STUDYING, which is part of why he continuously fails his engineering exam.

the panic and anxiety disorder thing should be pretty self explanatory too. rimmer is clearly a worrier and has multiple panic attacks in the actual series. he seems to spend most of his time in a highly strung state of near panic, to the point where it interferes with his physical health. the way the canon narrative handles his anxiety, and his neurodivergent traits in general, is often a bit shitty lol, but it seems clear to me that he suffers from anxiety and panic attacks. kryten mentions that he's at a higher risk for those kinds of disorders due to genetics, but i also think that his childhood trauma and subsequent lifestyle (deathstyle??) definitely haven't helped him get any calmer lol

the cat

gender: trans man, he/him

sexuality: bisexual aromantic

other: autism

notes: most of these are more of a "because i said so" situation rather than things with canon evidence lol but still. esp the trans man one. i don't think the cat rlly has much of a concept of his own gender at all tbh, he just decided one day he was more comfortable as a man and stopped thinking abt it after that lol. i see the cat as bisexual bc i don't think he'd rlly give a fuck abt gender as long as ppl are hot and well presented, and i think he's aromantic bc throughout the series he doesn't seem to show much interest in a committed romantic relationship with anyone. when he does show interest in people, it reads more as purely sexual attraction to me than any desire to settle down or have an actual relationship.

i think he's autistic but it isn't always picked up bc his special interest is fashion, which isn't perceived to be a "typical" special interest. he seems very particular abt textures and colours, and puts meticulous effort into his wardrobe and often only wants to talk abt clothes even when ppl want to talk to him abt something else. to tie in with that, he doesn't seem great at reading social cues and often makes faux pas and accidentally insults others without realising it. he seems to generally have a hard time with empathy and understanding that others might not always share his interests and priorities

kryten

gender: nonbinary, any pronouns but generally uses he/him and is fine with this

sexuality: aroace

other: autism (again)

notes: ik that robots being nonbinary and aroace and autistic can be an unfortunate and frustrating stereotype sometimes, but it's just hard for me to see kryten any other way 😅. anyways, although im not aro or ace, i AM autistic and nonbinary and i think robots rule and i adore kryten so WHATEVER!!!! take it up with my nonexistent lawyer or something idc

in terms of being nb, kryten seems to only have the vaguest idea of what gender actually is, and i doubt that he really identifies as particularly male or female. he's most used to being perceived as male, but i don't think he really identifies with manhood. he seemed actively repulsed by male reproductive organs when he was briefly human, which makes me think that if he was human he'd probably suffer from gender dysphoria if he had to live in an amab body, but likewise he seems to have mixed feelings abt being perceived as a woman in season 8. in truth, i think he fits somewhere in the middle.

i see kryten as aroace bc he just never rlly seems to express any interest in sex or romance, even seeming confused by both concepts at different points. he IS a deeply loving and passionate and affectionate person at times imo, but it's always platonic i think. he just doesn't strike me as someone who would get any enjoyment or fulfilment out of having sex or being in a romantic relationship.

the autistic hc should once again be pretty obvious. he has a hard time reading social cues a lot of the time, and enjoys repetitive tasks that other ppl find boring, like ironing etc. he also just generally does and says things that strike others as eccentric without meaning to come across that way and jokes often go right over his head. he's autistic to me. ik that a lot of this is tied up with him being a mechanoid, but im autistic and i love kryten so im claiming him fuck you

kochanski

gender: trans woman, she/her

sexuality: lesbian

other: autism, generalised anxiety disorder

notes: ive seen a few ppl hc kochanski as a trans woman and i rlly warmed up to it. it also makes sense that lister would get a crush on her if he knew she was trans and they had "two of the only trans ppl on the dwarf" solidarity, like i can imagine it being part of why he came to like her tbh.

ik kochanski's statement abt her dave being gay and them just pretending to be in a relationship was immediately dismissed by lister and she didn't argue abt it, but i like to personally believe it's true. i think for a long time she struggled with internalised homophobia and didn't mind getting attention from men, esp bc it validated her gender as well. but in my headcanon it was always uncomfortable for her and never felt right, hence why she broke up with her lister before the accident (although the breakup was also in part due to her lister's struggles with his sexuality as well). much like with rimmer, i think kochanski had high expectations of herself and felt anxious for others to see her as a "real woman", and for a long time it was hard for her to reconcile being a lesbian with those expectations. but she gets there eventually.

at first i was on the fence abt headcanoning kochanski as being autistic, but i decided to do it. she's better at masking than rimmer is, but it still shows through in her very particular sensory preferences and attachment to comfort items and occasional misreading of social situations. likewise with generalised anxiety, i think she has a tendency to get anxious and worry abt things that other ppl might not care abt, and becomes stressed pretty easily. she tries her best to hide it, but she likes to be in control of a situation and know what all of the likely outcomes are, and when she can't have that level of control she finds it deeply upsetting and destabilising. she likes to have predictability and routine and takes comfort in familiar objects and sensations even when those things might seem silly or irrelevant to others.

holly

gender: nonbinary (imagine all of the computer related puns she could make abt this lol he would love it), any pronouns

sexuality: bisexual

other: n/a

notes: holly is so nonbinary to me. it's basically canon already considering that they switch back and forth between male and female presentation multiple times. i don't think gender means a hell of a lot to holly but she enjoys messing around with it and trying out new things. my personal headcanon is that she prefers presenting in more of a feminine way but the default presentation he's programmed with is masculine and she can't rlly be bothered changing it a lot of the time bc she doesn't rlly give a smeg.

likewise i think holly is attracted to men and women and everyone else. i don't think he feels sexual or romantic attraction that often but it definitely happens. they only ever really feel attraction to other ai though and aren't into organic beings in that way, and bc he hardly ever gets to encounter other ai her romantic life is kinda nonexistent lol.

i think holly probably has some Brain Stuff going on but idk what exactly so ive left that blank for now. if i come up with anything i will probably edit this later

OK THAT'S IT FOR NOW sorry this post is long as fuck. hope you guys enjoyed reading me ramble on abt the silly little fellows

#i dont think im gonna put this in the main tags bc im scared of ppl making fun of me for these 😔 #like i said it's very self indulgent i dont expect ppl to agree with me or even understand. but i just needed to go on a ramble #pls be nice

[dalkyeom]

📌— Weekly Chan ; SKZ break!

This announcement has been a long time coming but I wanted to come here and let you know that I’ll be stepping away from creating skz content for the foreseeable future.

Tbh I didn’t know how to tell everyone that I wouldn’t be drawing for them anymore. Maybe, because I found myself comfortable with the community I found myself in but my passion to create fanart for them dwindled over the past few months. I held on thinking this is a fluke, but I think it's time for me to explore other interests of mine. I wanted to stay but I found myself frustrated with feeling like I'm putting myself in a box. honestly, it was the lack of traction or how hard it was for my work to be seen that was a big factor in wanting to leave. I stand by the fact that feedback is vital for an artist's motivation to continue making the things they do. The lack of it made me question if it was even worth continuing to draw for skz bc while I love them a lot, not having my works reach a larger pool of Stays was pretty taxing. also the fact I was hidden in the basement did not help :(

Sadly, my love for Chan couldn't soothe the creative frustration I was in. So I guess it's just time to go, step outside for awhile, and explore new worlds.

As a staytist, I want to thank you for liking my art 🥺 and I hope they were able to give some comfort or healing. Most of them were made out of sheer love for the group bc for a long time Stray Kids were my home. They provided me happiness that I wanted to share too. I’ll never forget reading the nice tags and the nice asks you’ve sent my way! Thank you for welcoming me to the fandom even though I don’t interact as much.

So I want to say, please love your content creators. editors, writers, fanartists— the whole nine yards bc without them you can feel the lack of an integral part of the fandom experience. If their works make you happy and you want to see more from them: share their work, send them love and asks, comment, engage— anything that can help share their work around bc we spend so much time creating things out of love for free! Let them know you appreciate the work they’ve put into the things they love. The least we ask for is to share works we spent lots of time on.

Thank you for reading! I hope I can still see you around while I make art for other interests. Under the cut will be about Weekly Chan updates and a more in depth explanation/ goodbye letter/ final thoughts since the important stuff has been said.

Weekly Chan has 19 more portraits to go before I can say I’m officially finished with the project. So, I’ll be working on those on/off because more than anything, I want to see it done. Weekly Chan started as a normal dedicated fan project for Bang Chan (mainly out of Chanrot) that became a source of wanting to spread warmth to fellow stays much like how Chan does weekly through Chan’s Room.

I made a goal of 100 portraits by his birthday, and since I’m close to finishing it I’ll be seeing it through 💖 as a gift because Chan has done a lot for me, like an extra booster when I feel like I’m doing things alone. There is no definite end date since I'll take my time finishing it. He is, after all one of the stars I cherish the most.

Tbh aside from the whole art-related stuff. Around March, I think I was already finding myself detaching from skz. It was like a gradual loss of motivation to keep following them. I'm sure if you were a follower of my @/mocimori blog you've heard me cry over it a couple of times. Mainly it was a culmination of many things but the speed the community was going (lovestay > oddinary) and over saturation made me feel what I felt towards Genshin twt's fast paced consumption of new content.

getting tickets to their Maniac Tour was what broke the chiamel's back. I was tasked to secure tickets so my fam and my friend can watch the show with me, but I underestimated how stressful it was. No amount of preparation could prepare me for ticketing day. The fact that there was no membership pre-sale made it 10x more stressful it was as if we were on the hunger games as involuntary Katniss Everdeens at the quarter quell. It was that bad. I ended up sick from the preparation stress and the crushing weight of not being able to secure even 1 ticket. Eventually, I did manage to secure tickets when they open sales for Newark D1 but the exhaustion I felt stuck to me like tar.

I think I was just hoping to go back to the way it was. The ticketing left a bad taste in my mouth and omo, this is a fault of mine but messy fandom stuff will slip in my radar even though I try to keep my feed negative-free. Then I heard about how Staytists were being treated by fellow Stays (reposting of art w/out consent, rating fanart on tiktok — basically just disrespectful behavior) I had a hard time trying to reconnect afterwards.

Also this post is getting way too long so I shall tl;dr what was going on with my Chan ult'ing journey but eventually the sparks just faded out. It was probably a combination of so many things and the pressure of wanting to draw Chan on a weekly basis, sometimes 3-5x a week that it just… took its toll on me…

it came to a point where I would cry over Chan at random hours of the day. I missed him, I felt guilty bc suddenly he was no longer the center of my thoughts. I felt guilt bc I knew people knew me as that Chan fanartist. It was silly, how I let a kpop boy affect me this much but I held him with the highest regard. He was my star; out of all the biases I ult'd he had the most special position and was a symbol of hope. Having a hard time relate to him, feeling so detached made me feel bad. As if the security blanket was ripped away from my fingers.

sometimes, I still cry over him. It's no longer as bad as that time I cried over him for a week or two straight. I reflected a bit because yeah, it was a bit silly of me but when he was the source of all my hope when I felt like I had no one— even if it was that small of an interaction, I felt like what I'm feeling is valid. So, yeah, I just feel like it's ok for me to let go now. I think it was more of my fear of leaving behind a community that made me want to stick around. Other than the pressure, I just feel like throughout the last few months I lost what little creativity I had bc I wanted to follow trends, I had to box this outlet for the sake of accuracy and aaah idk it was just not healthy anymore.

i'll still support the Kids in my own way. At the end of the day, they're still my ults and I love the music they make. But I wanted to write this so you won't worry wth happened to me and the skz art. It's not really a goodbye but maybe, a see you soon!

thank you for everything!

#amg I know :( cb is so soon too! #tbh I wanted to hold off until after the first few days bc I already planned I wont be doing much this cb #but it’s tumblr lol so it’s like early announcement for you #also maybe bc I feel like no one would care that much compared to twitter #the chan branding is very strong on twitter so I’ll do it after I post my Maxident piece #chia.diary #Long post #naur fr I feel like the stuff under read more is very long #But I want to say I love my moots very much! #my stayblr friends I met along the way I love you! Thank you for making my time here enjoyable

[tinylantern]

On a whim, I decided to finally watch "Your Answer," Vishnal's marriage event

The Good

We're pretty quick to get insight into the motivations of why Vishnal decided to become a butler (he wanted to help people like his father, but didn't feel he was smart enough to follow in his footsteps and become a doctor, so he looked into other options.) As he is one of the least guarded of the marriage candidates, it didn't bother me that he revealed something so personal early on since it felt in character for him to openly talk about something like that.

While Vishnal doesn't have the most elaborate backstory, it was admittedly refreshing to have a marriage candidate who comes from a relatively stable background with a family that he loves and who not only loves him back, but supports his dreams. (For the other marriage events I've watched so far, I can't say the same for Xiao Pai, Amber, Dolce, Leon, and perma-husband Arthur, who all suffer from Issues(tm) due to things that happened in their pasts.)

Hearing Volkanon say how proud he is of Vishnal and Clorica, more like Selphia plz, stop giving me found family feels.

It is a fact that, depending on the character they're dating, Frey/Lest's personality is somewhat tweaked to better suit their partner, and the version of Frey we have in Your Answer is one of the better characterizations that manages to provide a fun twist on RF4's protagonist while still staying true to her general characterization in the main story, town events, and daily dialogues.

The proposal scene was absolutely sweet. I remain eternally glad my first exposure to RF4 was through Special because as far as I'm concerned, Michael Sinterniklaas is the only person to voice Vishnal, ever.

Areas of Improvement

Of the marriage events I've watched so far, it definitely is one of the shortest and the most lacking in plot. Vishnal's relationship with Frey also wasn't the most fleshed out.

The main conflict was resolved too easily, man. Vishnal is told by the butler judge AKA Beyer he can't be a butler if his lover is also his master, Frey selflessly decides to break up with Vishnal so he can follow his dream, but Vishnal decides as he's being given his title that Frey is far more important than his dream and proposes after denying the 1-Star Butler title, and Beyer is so touched by Vishnal's dedication he takes back what he said about how he can't be a butler if he's dating his employer.

Overall Thoughts

It is a fact that Vishnal is probably my second favorite of the bachelors after Arthur and while I wouldn't say his marriage event is anything to write home about, after watching Your Answer, I find myself appreciating him as a character even more.

Now if you're someone who highly values a strong narrative and exploration of character motivations and relationships, then Your Answer is not going to fit the bill. As mentioned above, it's very short, light on the plot, Vishnal and Frey don't have the deepest relationship, and (most glaringly) what conflict existed within was easily dealt with through pure passion. But, weirdly enough, the shortcomings of Your Answer highlight the exact reasons why Vishnal is so well-liked. If your perma-spouse is Vishnal, you're not marrying him because he has a sad backstory, or is dealing with crippling personal issues that threaten to tear his and Frey's relationship apart. You're marrying him because he's so dedicated to the people he loves that he's willing to give up a lifelong passion just to be with the one who matters most to him, and that is incredibly admirable.

It is ironic knowing that the primary source of conflict in Your Answer—the idea that it's wrong for Vishnal to be dating his master—is exactly why I've never actually made the effort to confess and then marry him in any of my playthroughs. I'm personally not a fan of romances that have uneven power dynamics and the idea of Frey dating her own butler is just hella awkward and does not sit well with me. BUT that is just my personal preference and I know a lot of people aren't bothered by that. So if you want a bachelor who is kind, energetic, endlessly supportive, shamelessly supportive, open about expressing affection, and would sooner give up his dreams than leave the person he loves, then maybe Vishnal is the right one for you. Just don't go into his marriage event expecting a long and heavy narrative on par with Arthur or Dolce's.

#rune factory #rune factory 4 #rf4 #rf4 vishnal #spoilers

[catchingbigfish]

writer q&a tag game

thank you for the tag, @words-after-midnight!! reading your answers after beta reading libaw is wild, i understand so much now lmao

i'm going to leave this as an open tag for anyone who wants to join!!

1. What is your absolute all-time favorite idea you've ever had?

so it goes, for sure.

2. Is there a question you've been asked in the past that really stands out to you and you still think about sometimes?

this is a weird answer, but an undergrad professor asked if a short story i turned in was the first chapter to a novel. it wasn't, and i tried for years to turn it into one, but he was wrong the whole time -- it was definitely not meant to be a novel. i think about that now because it reminds me that sometimes a story is meant to be a story, or a novel is meant to be a novel, and i don't have to try to shoehorn a story into an inappropriate format. (i have to keep re-learning this lesson, btw. i recently tried *again* to make that thing a novel.)

3. What is your favorite part of being a writer? What parts could you take or leave?

i absolutely love the way writing is an exorcism for me. even my found footage inspired short story helped me excavate and get rid of certain feelings, but on its surface it just seems like a fun horror movie treatment. my favorite part of the process is the language -- i love words and i love rearranging them until they sing off the page. i also find it so much easier to communicate in writing and love how it gives me the chance to connect with people.

the most difficult part of writing for me is not getting lost playing around in the story i've created. keeping a plot moving at a steady pace is my biggest difficulty. i still enjoy the challenge, but if i could just ghostwrite for people with better plots, i might consider it! also, what nico said about the state of publishing is why i stopped writing after college for such a long stretch.

4. What is your greatest motivation to write/create?

it's like scratching an itch for me, honestly. i don't know why i need to write, but i've done it since i was a kid, and it's always been there with me.

5. What is the best piece of advice you've ever read or been given as a writer?

my url is a reference to Catching the Big Fish by David Lynch, my favorite filmmaker. he talks about creativity in it, and full disclosure he is *heavily* into the transcendental meditation cult and credits that as his biggest source of creativity, buuuut what it really did for me was remind me that our imaginations are infinite and incredibly powerful at what it does.

6. What do you wish you knew when you were first starting out writing?

along the same theme as my previous answers: i wish i knew my imagination was enough and i don't have to compare my ideas to others', and that i can trust my own intuition about a story. (repeat after me: elle, that story is a short story, not a fucking novel)

7. What is your favorite story you've written TO COMPLETION? Link it if you'd like and can!

answering so it goes feels like cheating because i don't feel like it's actually complete, but my backup answer is a poem.

8. What is your favorite out-of-the-box quote?

i really like this line from the very first draft of so it goes: "She made her way back out to the street where the sun hadn’t risen and nothing had changed at all."

9. Which of your characters would you say has the most controversial mindset? Why do you say so and how do you personally feel about their ideals?

right now, Rosalyn from conversion is my most interesting character because of this. Rosalyn -- and the rest of the primary characters -- use feminist theory to justify what is essentially health fraud and dangerous alternative medicine beliefs. i don't agree with them, but i fully understand how they got to this perspective, which is why i'm so interested in the topic and am writing it in the first place!

10. If you when you first started writing met you now, what would younger you think?

i don't mean to brag, but my younger self would think my current self rocks so fucking hard lol. to be fair, i had a *very* limited idea of what life could be like, so having cleared that bar she set wouldn't be a challenge to most people! the fact that i still write would be enough for them to fawn over me, i think.

#tag games #ty for tag! #open tag #about elle

[septembersghost]

Which memphis mafia members do you consider reliable sources when it comes to Elvis?

this is a tricky question because i know opinions vary and accounts have notable discrepancies...it's difficult with everything surrounding elvis because it often feels like, to one degree or another, everybody was looking for a way to exploit their connections to him (not necessarily in a malicious way, though some definitely have done that, but just insofar as everybody relying on him and their stories and experiences with him financially and for other assorted reasons, as comments in this thread mention), and did so especially once he died and had no say in any of it. i have a lot of qualms with the total lack of hesitation in sharing intimate details about his life with the general public that go a bit far beyond explaining his character and experiences, and yet at the same time of course there's an insatiable curiosity and market for it because people want to know about him. it makes me think of the preface shared from june's book: “There have been lots of books written about Elvis Presley, of course, with probably as many personal memoirs among them as have attached to any other cultural figure or entertainer in history. Some have been spurious, a number seem to have been written out of little more than personal rancor, motivation has ranged from love to money to self-adumbration..."

i'm rambling, but sometimes it's difficult to sift out the people still looking after e and his personhood versus those using him for their gain. jerry i would count easily as one of the former, perhaps the most obvious choice there. maybe george klein and billy smith? perspectives range all over the place on charlie hodge, joe esposito, marty lacker, lamar fike, the stanleys, and even larry geller (despite elvis often being open and vulnerable/trusting with him in particular), to the point where i feel like we have to take everything with a grain of salt and be circumspect about individual subjectivity and agendas. red and sonny i struggle with for *multiple* reasons, and given what they did to him (and whoever the third one was involved with that book. god el i'm sorry sometimes i cannot keep track of all of your people...), i think it cut him to the core, from which he did not recover (and he didn't have time). but i also respect elvis' inherent generosity and kindness and forgiving qualities that he extended to the people he loved, even when he was hurt.

tl;dr ugh sorry this is not a particularly helpful answer because it involves so many factors and complicated people. tbh i'm probably not the best person to ask this because my little introvert self that cares more about elvis' humanity and artistry than some of the noise and chaos around him is way less informed about each of those guys as individuals. i do think they all loved him in their own ways, to one degree or another, but their usefulness and incentives in sticking by him could be mercurial. and e was far from perfect himself and i'm sure many aspects of being in that group were not easy, he was responsible for many of his choices, but he also had a retinue of people clinging to his lifestyle. it can be painful to observe how he had this mix of enablers and dependents around him as constant companions and everything still unraveled the way that it did.

edit: i went to the sub to see if i could find you a better/more comprehensive response quickly and still turned up a lot of dispute, but this comment speaks to some of it (also funny how some of the comments here use similar language to what i'd already written, i appreciate seeing those thoughts from others): Each has told their version of their story and of course each person is the hero of their own story, and many paint themselves as Elvis's One True Best Friend. Some, as you mention, had proper jobs, others were really, truly sycophantic hangers-on, some were true blue friends and brothers, and some would barely qualify as part of the "Memphis Mafia" at all - they just happened to be in the right place at the right time and latched on to what little time they had in his periphery. For most who care, I think it comes down to an individual by individual basis...Personally, I think more attention should really be placed on the artists, songwriters and creatives whose influence impacted Elvis's actual creative and commercial achievements and legacy. But people like hearing celebrity gossip, and Elvis fans have always been voracious to consume anything and everything they can about him. People also like picking sides and being in opposing tribes, even over the most petty shit. In our collective cultural grief over the loss of Elvis, trying to grasp onto anything and everything left that we could, we gave them all attention to hear them say nice things, and the media happily gave a platform to those who were willing to help tear Elvis down off the pedestal his fans put him on, too. I think, at the end of the day, people are looking for understanding about what happened. Many would like to take their sides and lay moral judgment on all of them and everything they've said or did, as though talking about who was or wasn't at fault for what happened would change things or help us understand what happened any better. But we weren't there, and never can go back and be there. Some were good, some were bad, some just happened to kinda be there because Elvis wanted or needed them for whatever reason. The only sure truth is that Elvis died regardless of all of them - which is a tragedy. And they're all just background characters who've taken up too much time on center stage. And now that most of them have left, I think it's about time to bring the curtain down.

#this is a bad response i apologize #idk the way he relied on that group because of the loneliness and isolation and yet still dealt with such loneliness and isolation... :( #sometimes i want to punch a lot of them in the face which. well. doesn't help either haha #anonymous #letterbox #elvis presley

[beevean]

Thoughts on Castlevania: Leon's not very nice evening?

The more I played Lament of Innocence, the less I liked it.

Lament of Innocence feels like an odd blend of Classicvanias, Igavanias, and the hack ‘n’ slash games of the time, DMC1 in particular (say hello to fixed cameras).

The plot is interesting, but there are some issues. Leon is set to save his girlfriend Sara from the clutches of the evil vampire Walter, so far so good. Some bosses leave hints at something that has happened in the past, like the Succubus being responsible for the death of Rinaldo's daughter, or Joachim who is a vampire who rebelled to Walter (I suspect that he was meant to be far more important, considering that he's an unlockable character lol)...

The first twist is that Sara was “tainted” (very uncomfortable implications there...), and Leon can’t even kill Walter to save her because his whip is “incomplete”: coincidentially, Sara’s tainted soul would complete it and make it super powerful. Okay, poor Leon who went through this journey for nothing but I really can’t feel bad for Sara lol. This is Iris all over again. At least Sara became the source of power of the infamous Vampire Killer - it would have been cool if we saw her in, for example, Portrait of Ruin when Jonathan fought Richter inside the whip.

Then Walter was used by Death, who is under the control of Mathias, Leon's friend who was only mentioned before. Okay? I don't know him. I don't feel betrayed. I was more curious to hear why Death serves the owner of this Crimson Stone.

Then we discover that Mathias became Dracula because his wife died, and... really? We don’t even hear of this wife before, we don’t see her, and also this is literally what happens in SOTN! At least with Lisa (really, the same name too) we know that she was killed by humans, Elizabeth... died. This is the great motivation of the main antagonist of the series.

I liked Leon in that scene, though. Mathias sought eternal life to spite God; Leon thinks an eternal life without Sara would only be painful, and would rather honor her final wish. He plays a good contrast to the antagonist. I like him and his cute hair :)

So yeah, the plot felt like it missed something, but overall, it was enjoyable. Even the voice acting wasn't bad! Now onto the gameplay.

The castle is essentially made of 5 dungeons, plus the final area. You can access the main dungeons at anytime, and you only need powerups for optional content. This means that there’s no real difficulty progression, but you can also customize your adventure everytime you play (the more correct order would be based on the keys you find, but again, they’re optional). Although, maybe it’s my impression, but some dungeons are definitely harder than others: the Garden Forgotten by Time was a cakewalk, compared to the Dark Palace of Waterfalls that I had tackled previously.

The level design complements the style. The maps are nicely laid out, and it’s easy to orient yourself, even with the repeated assets. There are just a little too many empty, repetead corridors, though. Very rarely the maps take advantage of the 3rd dimension: at best the entrance is up a ledge... at worst you’ll fall down a floor lol. But it works.

So, for now, the game is doing fine. I was having fun! ... then problems started to become bigger and bigger...

The biggest issue for me was that the controls are stiff. Leon doesn’t jump very high or very far, and once he does, his trajectory is locked in - you can only change direction by double jumping. There’s very little platforming here, but what little there is is annoying, not helped by the lack of depth perception that you’d need for these challenges because of the fixed camera. The electric fence puzzle in the House of Sacred Remains, the wall blocks puzzle in the Anti-Soul Mystery Lab, the dark room puzzle in the Ghostly Theatre, they were all very irritating. I gave up on fighting the Frost Elemental because the blind, perspective-less jumps you have to make are just unnecessary, the way you fall down at every mistake reminds me way too much of Catwoman for PS2 for my tolerance, and the idea that if I had died to the boss I would have had had to redo the whole thing again... no. Sorry Whip of Ice, you aren’t worth this. (I could have gotten the Whip of Fire, but by that point I was just done and didn't want to see any platforming ever again :\)

Combat is... repetitive. You have two buttons for attacking, a focused weak attack and a swiping strong attack (it feels like it should be the other way around, but no big deal), and you have to unlock new moves simply by attacking. It works, but at first it feels like busywork. Sometimes you can skip enemies, since the only incentive you have to fight them is money (you don’t level up, you buy or find better equipment)... but since this is a 2003 game, sometimes it likes to lock you in typical “kill all enemies to proceed” scenarios. It’s very arbitrary. It also happens if you revisit old rooms. Some of the moves you unlock are pretty effective, though, I especially like the diving kick that can hit bigger enemies multiple times, and that move that makes enemies fly in the air.

(also, I don’t understand why you can only select items in a secondary menu screen that doesn’t pause the game. What if I needed a break to find my potions?)

What makes it a bit better is something that I discovered by accident :P the orbs aren’t there just to be used as keys, you can equip them, and it changes how the subweapons work! They cost more hearts, obviously, but 7 orbs (5 collected after defeating the main bosses, 1 to be found, 1 as a prize for defeating the gruesome bonus boss) for 5 subweapons equals 35 attacks to experiment with! That is really, really cool :)

The bosses are also enjoyable. Only the Succubus gave me some trouble, but the others were all the perfect difficulty and had nice strategies. The dodge mechanic is fun to exploit but isn't completely broken. The double combo of Walter and Death was intimidating at first (also, hi Death, I'm glad you finally managed to become the final boss!), but I genuinely had fun fighting both of them. Easily the highlight of the game.

But back to the nitpicking... Exploration was another gripe I had. It’s boring, Leon isn’t particularly fast, and there are no warp rooms - the closest thing would be a ticket that sends you to the last save you used and a ticket that sends you to Rinaldo's cabin - it's an efficient combo if you feel like stacking up before a boss fight. Add the issues of forced combat and insufferable “platforming”, and exploring areas for optional content is just demotivating. Speaking of which, the game can be very stingy with save rooms - why isn’t there one near the Succubus arena? Was it really necessary to put it on the floor above? Same with the Frost Elemental, although in that case you can say that it’s optional.

Even the finale was somewhat underwhelming. It goes like this:

go to the second floor

go to the east wing and get the VI tablet

go to the central hallway and reverse the tablet

go to the east wing and put the now IV tablet in place

go to the central hallway to face Walter

While in the meantime, tanky enemies block your way. Not exactly the deepest design. You can choose to visit the even harder west wing for a Health Up and the Unlock Jewel, but it’s optional. (I know that there is a room similar to the dark room in the Ghostly Theatre, and honestly, never again)

Where the games shines is the aesthetic. The game looks good for its time, with plenty of details that enhance the atmosphere. From the holy chapel with stained windows, to the luxurious theater, to the floors covered in water, the game is very pretty and isn't ashamed of thinking so. The PS2 graphics feel nostalgic to me too (I was constantly reminded of Hogwarts), so maybe I'm biased. In particular I like the look of the save rooms, they really feel like small sanctuaries for you to rest. Even the models of the humans are pretty good all things considered, although in the pause menu Leon looks like he hasn’t slept since he was born lol

But the music... boy. Michiru Yamane could finally unleash her whole talent, unrestrained by MIDI sounds, and the absolute job that she did <3

You know what you’re getting into when the entrance theme, usually an upbeat track, is a one woman wail

House of Sacred Remains keeps the tradition of beautiful chapel themes. It’s as peaceful as Requiem for the Gods :)

Statue Enchanted by Darkness has huge Berserk 1997 vibes, what a contrast from the previous track

ah yes, my favorite 11th century style music. rave. Something about it reminds me of Letz Get This Party Started from Sonic Adventure and I don’t know how to feel about that.

Ghostly Theatre is as elegant and somber as the abandoned theatre itself

Dark Palace of Waterfalls is like Michiru Yamane listened to Crystal Waterdrops and realized that she could now work with real instruments. dat organ tho <3

Garden Forgotten by Time is not what I expected from a greenhouse environment, but for some reason it feels the most SOTN track

its companion piece, Fog Enshrouded Nightscape, is just so pretty <3

Dark Night Toccata is almost wasted for such an easy boss

And finally, Lament of Innocence is clearly the masterpiece of the whole OST. When I got to the second floor of the Pagoda and this played, I went like “oh ho ho, now we’re talking!”. Shred that classic piano <3 Michiru said “A piece that shows Leon's grief and anger”, and yes it is. Love how the theme of the protagonist plays near the end of the game, rather than at the beginning like in most games - he got his theme after a great amount of grief. Also, is it me, or is the part at 1:34 reminiscent of Dracula’s theme in Super Castlevania IV? I hope it's intentional because I am in love.

Bonus: the three arrangements from Aria of Sorrow, because they slapped with the GBA soundfont so imagine with actual instruments. The Cross of Fate is how Ruined Castle Corridor was meant to sound, Requiem for the Dark Soul hits much harder than the original Chapel, and Holy Cross Obsessed by the Moon (should be “possessed”, but no matter) lacks Top Floor's catchy piano but makes it up in finality.

So, did I hate the game? No, I may have been negative overall, but I don't think it's that bad. I would say that it's better than Megaman Legends, which truly made me furious for its terrible controls. This one was just... undercooked? I could see the ambition in creating a 3D Castlevania game that would satisfy both fans of the Classics and fans of the Igavanias, but something is missing. I can tell that Igarashi wasn't well versed in designing a 3D game. I'll take it as a relic of the time and an interesting origin story.

#castlevania #lament of innocence

[f1]

Russell admits he was trying too hard in some races last year | 2023 F1 season

George Russell admitted he was “trying too hard” at times during his first season with Mercedes last year and says he has “definitely still room to improve”. Russell out-scored his seven-times world champion Lewis Hamilton, and claimed Mercedes’ only grand prix victory of 2022 at Interlagos. However he sees plenty of room for improvement in his own performances. “The things that I learned most from always were those difficult races and of races that, let’s say relatively speaking, failed or underperformed,” Russell told media including RaceFans at the launch of the team’s new car today. “Looking back on those races, I would say most of the reasons were from trying too hard. And that was a big lesson I learned, that sometimes the harder you try and the more you push, sometimes the result isn’t better.” He admitted pushing too hard in some races last season. “You’ve got to be very disciplined with yourself sometimes in your approach of knowing how hard to push yourself. “It’s the same if you went to the gym every single day and was doing maximum bench presses every single day, at one point you’re probably going to injure yourself. It’s not the most efficient way to get stronger. “That’s representative of racing. If you go out there and you drive the thing in anger, pushing it beyond the limit every single lap, that is not the fastest way to drive. Those races were probably validation for me,” Russell added. Advert | Become a RaceFans supporter and go ad-free Knowing he has improvements to make in his own driving has motivated Russell for the season ahead. “I think the great thing with Formula 1 and this sport is it’s constantly evolving and it’s a new challenge every single year,” he said. Gallery: Mercedes present new W14 F1 car for 2023 season “There’s definitely still room to improve, and I feel that fills me with confidence because I still felt like I performed at a very, very high level. Even though I know that I’ve got a lot more in my pocket.” Despite finishing ahead of his team mate in last year’s world championship, Russell says there are still areas he needs to raise his game to match Hamilton. “I think the main one is probably just the tyre management,” he explained. “It’s something Lewis is very good at, maximising the stints and getting the most out of the tyres across a stint. “That year under my belt being team mates with him, seeing some of his traits, it’s been really, really beneficial for me. So I feel like I was on quite a steep learning curve in that regard. But still, I feel like I’ve got a lot more to come.” Bringing the F1 news from the source RaceFans strives to bring its readers news directly from the key players in Formula 1. We are able to do this thanks in part to the generous backing of our RaceFans Supporters. By contributing £1 per month or £12 per year (or the equivalent in other currencies) you can help cover the costs involved in producing original journalism: Travelling, writing, creating, hosting, contacting and developing. We have been proudly supported by our readers for over 10 years. If you enjoy our independent coverage, please consider becoming a RaceFans Supporter today. As a bonus, all our Supporters can also browse the site ad-free. Sign up or find out more via the links below: Advert | Become a RaceFans supporter and go ad-free 2023 F1 season Browse all 2023 F1 season articles via RaceFans - Independent Motorsport Coverage https://www.racefans.net/

#F1 #Russell admits he was “trying too hard” in some races last year | 2023 F1 season #Formula 1

[sexybabystevie]

i was just reading through your blog (gotta stay caught up y'know) and just saw the one ask about how they have steve ideas and wanna talk about the. and how you love talking about steve. i'm not a writer but i aspire to be able to write like you. i kinda have an idea on what i want to do but i just can't seem to make it work or to make myself write. do you have any advice you'd be willing to share? obviously tho don't feel like you need to give out your secrets to writing angelic fics!

thanks for creating a safe space for us all to read these kinda things! it personally always helps me when i have a rough day and i somehow relate to them everytime! 🤍

oh my gosh, this got covered up in my inbox somehow, i'm so sorry for the late response!!

firstly, i wanna say thank you! the fact that someone wants to write the way that i do is honestly something that i've never once thought i would hear, and it warms my heart to know that you enjoy my fics so much!! (also angelic fics??? you're too kind!! <3)

as for the tips, honestly, it's hard to write. it really is. sometimes the words don't flow and sometimes you doubt them and think they aren't that good and you don't feel motivated to post. there are a lot of ways that you can doubt yourself as a writer, and for me, it happens often. i can't give a definitive answer as to how to overcome this other than to just write. i know it sounds cheesy or like bad advice, but if you're stuck, just get it down and move onto the next scene if you need to. or, if you're just starting, then just write freely and try not to judge yourself too much on it, which i know is easier said than done.

some general tips i have are also:

write down your fic ideas if you don't have the time to write them when you think of them. be as specific as you need to. i use my notes app on my phone for this!

if you need prompts or inspiration, use pinterest. i have a board there that has lots of prompts and prompt lists, and tumblr can also be a good source for those!

read. i know it sounds silly, but the more you surround yourself with good writing, the more your writing style develops to take on the forms of those that you read from. if you read something that sounds stunning, or hear a metaphor that you like, write it down and remember it and use it yourself!

don't be afraid of figurative language. a lot of writing styles can almost seem bland because they're very straightforward, and while some people do prefer that kind of style - and that's totally fine! - figurative language totally helps make your style a little more poetic and emotional.

when you feel like you're using a word too much and need a synonym, use wordhippo! it's a website and i use it all the time to help with my writing. it can also help to find antonyms and many other things.

try to really feel and imagine what's happening in your story. put yourself in the perspective of your narrator/pov-holder - what are they feeling? seeing? noticing about those around them? try to capture that as best you can.

this is more of a preference thing, kind of, but don't be afraid to crosspost to other sites! i use both tumblr and ao3 to upload works, and some of my works that flop here do amazing on ao3! sometimes tumblr can completely miss your works and it can be really disheartening, so uploading to another site as well can be a great idea!

try not to worry about word count, and pay more attention to what you want to accomplish with your fic. what story are you trying to tell? how are you trying to make the readers feel? try to think of that as your goals instead of a word count because no matter how short or long your fic is, someone will read it.

most of all, i would say to write things you enjoy! the greatest part of making good fics is that it's things you enjoy; loving your work really does make it stand out. it's really obvious when an author really puts their heart into something. on that same note, write the silly things you want to! write self-indulgent things! whatever you like and want to see, write it! i write to be able to share my passions and things that i would love to see happen in the show with other people, but also for myself! be your own biggest fan, most loyal supporter! i promise that you've got this! (literally don't worry so much about fic quality, about whether it's good enough or not. i've seen some very basic writing styles praised above high heavens here, in other fandoms, on tumblr. don't stress it <3)

hearing you say that our shared space brightens your days and makes you feel welcome makes me truly feel so happy and loved, thank you, sincerely. i'm so happy that we've all got this little corner of the internet to share our thoughts and cheer each other up when we need it, whether we even realize it or not. that is so, so important to me, and thank you all for being here and making this space with me <3 i love you all

finally, i want to say that, if you need help with your writing or need a supporter, or even if you just want to self promote your work, please send me an ask or a dm! i would absolutely love to help you in any way you need it!! i'm always here for you! <33

#em speaks #asks #<333

[problematticheals75]

APPRECIATION POST

—

We have a friend, and we appreciate her very much. Times have been hard for both of us mentally, I think it’s fair to say it like that (we know each other IRL), however this isn’t a mental health post, this is to promote some things that she does + also a thank you for her to being such an incredible being to our whole system as a whole.

She’s got an AU which is about Adamsapple! It’s a custom made AU including canon and non canon characters from HH (I assume so, at least) and I think it’s only fair you show your love if you’re into HH and or HB, like how we are (partly from her as well, thank you for that Ruffled) and I think her ideas, her drawings on art are so imaginative for it, like it’s got us quite interested (Healy and me were really on the ball, it was quite immediate) and I think that the headcanons, the way the characters interact are definitely linked in well with the canon, despite us not seeing much of the new Hazbin. Now that’s called real talent and examine skill bc I probably wouldn’t be that attentive, using the shows as further help for lore or canon, so like.. a lot of damn work went to this, and this is why, again.. I write this on her behalf so she can get more attention/boosts for her creative ideas and her love for character development and arcs!

Personally we got invested in the characters and I really saw the slight interest points in which some of our alters could relate, for example with her OC Caine, having a band with a few bandmates, which sated toward our musical alters (myself as James Marriott introject, Healy, Bedford, Hann, Matty and Jago) as well! Although that’s just a hc that was meant to build her imagination, this kinda stuff helps us to involve more into it, feeling like we could at least offer a contribution or to even spread the word like we’re doing rn!

Also I really can’t stress enough how I personally adore the fact that she keeps the canon characters such as Vaggie, Charlie, Lucifer, with their traits from what’s in the show/episodes. We found that loads of series like that with people making AU’s tend to drift away from the integrity of the canon and waver off, but not Ruffled, she bloody knows how to just keep it real, keep it investing just like the show itself. I really love that about this starting AU. Just, although it’s a starting point.. it feels like maybe with enough pushing, enough drive and motivations, I personally know it could go far. We personally will push this out there for people to note what hard work and talents may pay off to do. Of course that’s not to say anyone else who does this is far from talented or far from skilled, this is just to show that we want our friend to go far with her work, and with how she puts pen to paper. We’ve seen her work, we’ve known first hand that she’d either become a great artist, or a great writer. And look, from what we say.. yes she’s pulled both off right here in this moment in time.

Valuing people for their talents or perhaps interests lays important to us. We want Ruffled to feel on cloud nine, knowing that she’s got friends backing her up and knowing people should see how incredible her work lays out, no matter how absurd it may look or sound on paper or in words.. it’ll probably mean that the lore has a raw purpose, because I feel mildly complex lore quite entertaining.. and again another skill she’s acing at!

Enough of our ramble now.. but I want everyone to know you go far. I want them to see your immaculate work, your skills.. I want you to prosper, even if sometimes we can’t always show that to you. We think you’re important, skilled, clever, kind, and you always never fail to make an introject alter missing a friend in source feel as if they’ve got a friend they’ve missed (for example, you’re like Ross Macdonald to the 1975 boys in system) and I find that special as you’re like Will to my James. Whatever happens, we don’t fade apart okay, we stick together. And if people hate on your work, oh boy well come out all guns a bloody blazing.. they just haven’t seen the raw talent that we see in school every day and the attentive literate ability to which you have, sometimes more than us or even our academic alter Bedford, (/lh, just joking here). Just, ah.. everything about you as a whole is like a manifold of different knowings, it’s almost like a story to find more on. Like we say, the art you produce, incredible. The writing, the headcanon concepts, the way you just think up these somewhat wild and perhaps a little zany ideas but to see them come alive as something as like a full fledged story it really is a natural talent which you seemed to just have right there in your genes. Again, it’s amazing to be friends with someone that’s so innovative in many ways, it’s like seeing an alternate us but with perhaps deeper meaning. I appreciate you for being that.

[GO CHECK OUT HER BLOG! @ruffled-wings ]

(again our friend is very talented, cool, funny all that cool stuff. she may start showing her writing like how we’re doing with our fixation on The 1975, and I would love to see her writing up on here personally! Go show our mate the love that she deserves 🫶]

- written by James, Healy, George(The 1975) and Hann (on behalf of everyone in our system though, of course! you’re like family to us <3/p)

#appreciation post #friendship #hazbin hotel #hazbin au