#ANYWAYS I'M RAMBLING SO I'LL STOP

[clowngremlin]

basically made dinner all by myself today (older brother only seasoned our chicken breasts and i did the rest of everything)......i cooked raw meat which is something i don't do very often and was worried about, but everything turned out great!!! i also did my laundry today, took the dog for a walk and fed him and have been on top of making sure his water dish is always full, loaded the dishwasher with dirty dishes (idk how to turn it on, i'm gonna ask my dad how to do it when he gets home so i can begin to do it by myself!), did some drawing, wrote in my journal, and pulled myself out of a depressive spiral i was having earlier in the day!!!! really beating the "spencer can't take care of himself or do anything ever" allegations......

#the wretched gremlin strikes again #sometimes i'm like i don't think i was THAT unwell #and then i realize that like i was in fact that unwell #now that i'm like actually doing better #i know this probably all sounds kind of silly #because i'm almost 27 and have only just begun to do these things #but keep in mind i was dealing with unmanaged mental illness since i was like 14 #and also my dad is kind of a control freak so he never taught me how to do anything because he thought i'd do it wrong or not on par #with what he could do #like i've known how to do laundry since i was 13 BUT i also had no motivation to do anything like that due to my mental illness #sometimes i'm like i'm not doing better because i still sometimes hear faint voices or have paranoid thoughts #but like it's only been under extreme stress or like when i was really tired from not getting enough sleep #and also like i used to be like that all day every day #and i had a lot of problems with like negative symptoms and depression #like my room was a mess and i had piles of dirty laundry and garbage and even like rotting food in my room #and i was constantly being tormented by voices and seeing scary things and my delusions and paranoia and having panic attacks #and like the voices are a lot quieter and more faint now #and i don't see anything or feel bugs crawling on me anymore #and i only hear voices and have paranoid thoughts under extreme stress or tiredness like i said #ANYWAYS I'M RAMBLING SO I'LL STOP #tldr i am doing A LOT better and i am soooo proud of myself <3

[yenvengerberg]

i hate what bingeing culture has turned the consumption of media into. the pressure to watch everything all at once as soon as it drops otherwise you simply can't go onto social media or 'it's your own fault, you should know better!', the way it forms a dread around shows you know you can't watch straight away because of life commitments when you should be excited for them, and the way buzz only lasts for a few days before inevitably, everyone moves on and forgets about it. i just wish i could return to the excitement of weekly releases that kept me guessing for months on end and fostered a discussion around media

#i'm just.. feeling a certain way today #as we get closer to tua releasing this week i should be excited but instead i'm just like #great i have no time to watch it (bc they're dropping it on a weekday like wtf???) #and i will inevitably get spoiled in the time it takes me to watch #and it's just SO annoying #i want to be excited but this release and consume content immediately has taken the fun out of media for me #anyway i'll stop rambling #i'm just v tired and in my feelings #1k #didn't expect this to take off but i'm glad it resonates with so many people!!! #thanks for coming to my ted talk

[shimmershy]

Chara Week Day 5: Ghost

Every time I see that machine in the True Lab, I wonder if it could possibly be Chara's soul in there? Probably unlikely, but not impossible... It's interesting to think about what the implications of that would be.

A version with no text and then a version with just the machine, because I think it looks pretty cool and ominous alone as well.....

#chara week #chara week 2023 #undertale #safeutdr #chara dreemurr #my art #chara #undertale chara #chara undertale #true lab #I'm just thinking that. while it's possible that their soul shattered when they and Asriel died. we don't actually KNOW what happened #and human souls persist for a little while after death..... idk I'm bad at coming up with theories but I'm Thinking about it #and I will continue thinking about it even though it's probably not significant at all #ANYWAY it gave me a cool art idea so here you go. and hrm. yes technically I got that line from the Stay Calm fnaf fansong. specifically. #i don't like fnaf but the song is cool........... I'm pretty sure it gave me the idea for this drawing when i sketched it last may #btw yeah that's why i did this drawing specifically for this prompt. i had the sketch lying around and thought it would be fun to finish #ALSO I'm realizing that the dark ominous backgrounds of the True Lab are soooo fun to draw. especially with red glowy effects #AUGH oh no....... my habit of rambling excessively in the tags is returning........ I'll stop now lol

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

♡ handwriting analysis: alex turner and miles kane ♡

as promised, here is the analysis my wonderful friend (who used to work as a professional handwriting analyst) did of miles and alex's handwriting! a couple of important points to read before you dive in:

my friend analysed these blind - to avoid bias, she always makes a point of never knowing whose handwriting it is she's looking at, so she had no idea that these samples were from alex and miles while analysing them (not that it'd have made much difference if she had, she can't even name one am song lol)

she stressed that her analysis should NOT be taken as fact - it's just one person's interpretation of the material, and handwriting analysis is ultimately always subjective

the two analyses below are based on notes i took while she was talking and is pretty much verbatim - none of the wording is my own and i have changed as little as possible in typing it up

she noted that it was harder to provide a full and accurate analysis just working with photos of handwriting, as you can't see things like pressure on the page etc. she also stressed that context is significant when it comes to interpreting someone's writing, and it's important to bear in mind that how someone writes in one context, e.g. signing autographs or writing something for the general public could show quite different characteristics to how someone writes in another context, e.g. personal letters to someone they're close to. in an ideal world she'd have access to samples from a different range of contexts to provide the most detailed and accurate analysis. in other words, this analysis is quite rough

alex's handwriting:

(samples taken from roughly 2011 - 2018)

block capitals suggest this is someone who don't want to show themselves, makes it hard for people to reach them

someone interested in thoughts and ideas, would engage with these in a way that's intelligent and very original

a lot of emotional and social inconsistency, suggests someone pulled in different directions. they might show very different sides of themselves with different people and probably have complex and/or conflicted feelings about identity

very creative, someone who'd make interesting and unusual connections about the world around them

highly intuitive but also lacking harmony from an emotional perspective. lots of internal emotional conflict and changeability

someone who fluctuates a lot socially as well as emotionally - might go from being quite sociable to withdrawing completely. ultimately struggles to reach out socially and holds back a lot, but there might be certain situations or people they feel particularly at ease with where this is different

really hard to read, don't give much of themselves away

thoughtful and enquiring, interested in ideas

someone who feels things very strongly

signature:

implies someone hiding themselves or presenting as someone they're not. they want to look confident and exciting, but they're actually much less confident that they'd like to appear. lets their creative and artistic tendencies hide them and take centre stage.

miles's handwriting:

(samples taken from roughly 2022 - 2023)

a little sharp, could suggest humorous wit and/or being critical (either of self or of others)

ambitious and incisive, intelligent and enquiring mind

fearful or wary about opening up and reaching out to people, emotional inconsistency. potentially quite restrained - looks like someone used to hiding a lot of hiding of emotions

has an enquiring mind but isn't particularly interested in abstract thought, more grounded in reality and social/emotional things

someone with strong feelings, they get held in and confused. could be warm and open on a surface level, but looks like they'd be reserved about their innermost feelings

could be sharp tongued to avoid dealing with their own feelings

lower zone suggests someone who might not be completely comfortable in their own body and/or sexuality, or have a complex relationship with these things

someone with a tendency towards strong feelings and devotion/worship (could be religious, or could just be to do with the way they relate to people or ideas)

signature:

someone who wants to look more confident they feel. sense of changeability and flashes of insecurity, but ultimately suggests strength of character, not someone who's a pushover. they know what they want and what matters to them.

interesting extra notes:

the wonderful @ballad-of-what-could-have-been managed to find this sample of alex's handwriting not in capitals from when he was much younger (from what i can see, it looks like it was early fwn era):

so i showed this to my friend too (after her analysis of alex's usual writing) and noted that it was probably done when he was a lot younger. she said that all her points from the original analysis still stood, and that despite the fact this writing isn't capitalised it was actually still very hard to read and definitely someone not comfortable with showing themselves. she also said that it was more emotionally conflicted and uncertain than the later sample of their handwriting. the phrase "emotionally all over the place" was used, and she noted a greater sense of inconsistency with identity. overall though she said the earlier sample confirms that this is someone with a high level of intuition and originality, and she said they're someone she'd be fascinated to have a conversation with!

thank you for reading! if you have any questions, please feel free to comment/drop me an ask and i can always pick my friend's brain again the next time i see her!

#wow this took me forever lol #please feel free to share thoughts/comments! 💗 #i don't know how everyone else feels about this but i personally was BLOWN AWAY and honestly i haven't recovered yet 😭😭 #so much of it just feels spookily spot on #in terms of my personal sense of each of them anyway #like when the first thing my friend said about alex was to do with identity and being pulled in different directions?? fuck #and then all the stuff about miles and devotion/worship??? #i don't even know how to talk about everything i'm feeling rn actually #god my heart hurts 🥺 #anyway #i'll stop rambling #i hope everyone found this as fascinating as i did! #alex turner #miles kane #the last shadow puppets #tlsp #arctic monkeys #lulu posts

[iraprince]

Hiii, i love your stuff and kinda from a distance really look up at you for, in my perception, being able to express yourself without giving a fuck. Thats sick dude, Im so so afraid, of absolutely everything, its nice to think like i might grow into someone less apologetic of my existence. Nice to see people just being yknow

hey, thank you, this is really really nice. the secret that is probably not a secret is that i am also deeply afraid a lot of the time lmao -- but less than i used to be, and in ways that feel less stifling and self-suffocating, if that makes sense.

like, it used to be "i'm scared that if i express myself the way i want to, everyone will find me obnoxious, so let's just sand those edges down to be safe" -- now my fears are more like "now that i'm expressing myself in a way that feels natural and real, i'm afraid that it's all stupid/vapid/not worthwhile or meaningful" (<- specifically abt my art) or "i'm happy that i talk and act the way i want to now, but what if it makes me impossible to befriend," etc etc etc. which still feels bad and puts me in a funk a lot of the time but at least it's a fear that comes After/in reaction to doing stuff, rather than a fear that STOPS me from doing stuff, you know? like, it's evolved into a kind of fear that's less in my way.

anyway. i believe you'll experience something like this, because wanting to grow is the first step of growing. the fact that u hope or wish for something different means you're already on your way. to fewer fucks!! or at least distributing the fucks u give in a way that serves u better

#stuff like accepting that i'm reserved and i'm not very accessible via messages. #or that my online tone isn't very bubbly and it's weird and uncomfortable to force it. #i stop letting fears about that shape my behavior ('i'll look mean or snotty so let's force markers of Friendliness to avoid that!!') - #- and instead act the way i want to and then trade it in for new fears that come After the action. #also a good reminder to give urself is that if ur fear is abt how other ppl perceive u (as 90% of mine is personally) #u really... can't actually control that. and being very very anxious abt it all the time is usually ur brain throwing a tantrum abt not-- #--having that control. bc it is understandably very scary that u don't have that control #as much as it sucks + is terrifying the truth is the only thing u can do is ask urself 'am i behaving in a way that i'm proud of' #'am i behaving in a way that's in alignment w my values + what i think is important' #bc if the answer to that is yes and somebody hates u or is deeply offended by ur existence anyway. well. literally not ur problem #but obv being at peace w that is way way easier said than done + requires tons of practice and will take. probably. years. which is fine #i am stuck with myself. i can either contort myself forever trying to be someone everyone will like and find totally nonthreatening and- #inoffensive and in the process exhaust myself totally and never feel safe or natural myself. OR #i can say okay. so i am a kind of prickly guy with stern and drab speech patterns and close to no social energy. and i think i can still be #-sexy and fun this way. and it is up to other ppl to figure out if they can agree w me on that #ANYWAY enough rambling for now. just another one of those things i think abt a lot so i have a lot of ready-made sentences abt it in mind

[makabray]

some postal dude gender headcanons since someone was interested hehe (i'm mostly talking about p2 here, but these could apply to any of the dudes probably)

trans postal dude is really fascinating to me cause i think he'd be quite a different character from a lot of modern trans rep. like, dude is a (relatively) older guy from from rural arizona, who was likely raised in a fairly conservative and religious household, so i think it's safe to assume that he wouldn't have access to much of the resources or terminology that we have now. growing up, he might've known a little about queer people from word of mouth and the few magazine articles he could find on the topic, but for the most part it was a lot of figuring things out on his own.

his adolescent years were really messy and all over the place, he definitely did a lot of experimentation during that time. a lot of sneaking out of his parent's house after dark to hang out in the back alleys with the other weirdos like him. during this time he was still closeted and figuring things, i don't think he really started presenting and identifying as a guy until his mid 20s when he moved away from his parents, and even then he had to go stealth. though keep in mind that's he's a broke bastard living in the middle of nowhere, so he had to DIY a lot of shit.

surgery of any kind is not an option, so that meant he had to work with what little he had. fortunately for him, he's able to pass fairly well with a sports bra, some rolled up socks, and baggy clothes. it's why he almost never takes off that huge trench coat he's always wearing, aside from it just generally being a source of comfort and pride for him. he also started taking hormones when he moved away from his parents, which i like to think uncle dave helped him acquire (albeit through dubiously legal means).

so maybe dude wouldn't make for "good" trans rep, but he's alive and himself against all odds and that's what i love about this headcanon

for dude, transitioning has its ups and downs. on one hand it's incredibly liberating to dress and act and be the way you've always wanted to, but on the other hand it can be quite lonely and difficult too. dude already has to constantly keep his guard up, constantly be vigilant of the people around him and how he's being perceived, but being one of the few queer people in a small town compounds that even further. plus i imagine that he probably has a lot of complicated feelings about his gender and sexuality that he doesn't really know what to do with on account of being really repressed and all that.

#postal #maka mumbles #i have more thoughts but this is getting really long so i'm gonna end it here #i have many hcs but this is one of my favs #it brings me a great deal of comfort as a queer person who spent a large portion of their life in the conservative south #i also have some art related to this hc i wanna clean up and post sometime... maybe Soon #SORRY IF THIS DOESN'T MAKE MUCH SENSE BTW its late and my brain is kinda scrambled #anyways. yea. i'll stop rambling now

[ragewrites]

last poems of 2023, both holiday gifts meant for the same friend.

#spilled ink #poetry #poets on tumblr #poem #writeblr #2023 #i'm quite. quite drunk. but #looking back on 2023...actually the past few years have all been quite extreme emotionally speaking #but i am so glad. so glad. it killed neither my compulsion for writing #nor my love for my friends #my love in generaly rlly #so so so glad. #may 2024 treat me kindly. may it fan my love and only my love with no new griefs. may i be full of sap. may i write and write with ease. #i want to play more with language and form...yes even more than i have been throughout 22/23...more more more always more #and i especially want to go back to erasures this year i miss erasures so much. and found elements in general ahh #anyway. i'll. stop rambling ahhghj see you all tomorrow whn i'm sober and i've edited tonite's midnight drafts to smth that's presentable #love n grace x

[l0ganberry]

Confession time: This moment was the first thing that popped in my head when I first saw DogDay. His bigger body version.

#I'm sorry😭 #i'm so sorry #I had to be honest or that thought was gonna kill me #I love dogday as a comfort character #I'm even drawing him in my style right now #AND HE WILL HAVE LEGS!! #My version of him has legs. #so it'll make it up for this joke. #I guess that's how the player can move him around instead of carrying him #I'LL STOP!!!😭✋️ #anyways #poppy playtime #poppy playtime chapter 3 #poppy playtime dogday #dogday #poppy playtime 3 #rambling #shitpost #he ain't got no legs

[can-of-slorgs]

Local owlbear, what she gonna explodee✨

#neopets #neoart #vandagyre #not technically an oc but it is an original design i guess lol #Same with the ogrin I'm starting to open my eyes to these fellas #i used to hate them but i think its just the neo designs lol #Also this technically was a practice to see if I ended up making one of my real OCs into one #but i just settled into a classic eyrie #and i wanted to finish this sketch cause i really liked the pose lmfaoo #I don't.... think I'll be using this for anything??? just wanted to draw an alquemist vanda for my scrungly soul #anyways it takes me stupidly long to finish drawings maybe i should stick to some doodles here and there #vin doods #forgot the tag woops #also stole the green colors from mneo as well cause they're easier on my eyes and the drawing LMFAOO #i want to thank all the likes and reblogs once again though!! it's so heartwarming whenever I open this site i see some notifs :D #i am working on my characters lore but oh god please take the keyboard away from me i write so fuckin much HHHH #ok too much rambling you can stop reading my thoughts now haha

[lyxchen]

None of my irl friends ever ask "hey what are you currently obsessed with?" "what fandom are you in right now?" "what new shows have you watched?" "what are you drawing fanart for right now?" and that makes me a little bit sad

#like most if not all of my irl friends have showed me that they really don't care what i'm into at the moment and so i don't tell them #anymore #and they never ask #so i guess they really don't care #like when i was fully Obessed with jatp i talked about it all day every day but after a while i realized that my friends were kinda annoyed #by that #at least that's how it felt #so i just kinda stopped #and they didn't notice #and now i don't really tell my friends about my new hyperfixations anymore because i'll just get the same reactions #and i know that i can't expect them to always listen to me and always care about what random show i like at the moment #but it would be nice if they did ask one in a while #i mean i listen to what happens in their lives too #because i care about them and am interested in what they like #anyways thank you lovely people in my phone for fangirling with me and listening to me ramble about my current hyperfixations♡ #lea's random thoughts #*once in a while

[trashcanwithsprinkles]

I have come up with a question.

Who I'd your favorite Genshin character and why?

By reading your fics I can't tell if it's zhongli or childe.

zhongli by leaps and bounds actually

i do love childe don't get me wrong; i just love zhongli far more

as for why, i wouldn't know how to word it in a way that wouldn't take me any less than writing CN took me LMAO the reason why you might think childe is up there among my favorites (he is, he's just not as close to the top as you might think) i'd assume is probably because of the fics, yes? but the thing about the fics is while i've already mentioned i'm not exactly projecting onto childe nor, god forbid, using him as a self-insert for the author – i am more or less of the opinion that the way childe would love zhongli in a story would more often than not align quite well with the way i myself love zhongli as a character. (which is why i find bgtea's eoos and jouicifer's npc so interesting) so like- the reason why childe is usually the main pov character for my zhongchi fics is because i get to write how much i love zhongli as a concept via the lens of a character who would also love him in a similar fashion; only i also get to spice it up with childe's own character quirks, bc i think he's fascinating as well, just in a different direction. that might be why i've yet to write a zhongli pov zhongchi: not as easy to write about how much i love the character's concept if he himself is the pov, and i feel like zhongli's way of loving childe as a concept wouldn't be able to fill a fic the same way it does the other way around. not that he doesn't love him! i just haven't figured out how to write that pov for that long yet. if you're curious, i'd have to say my current favorites list goes kind of like this: zhongli way ahead of all the others, then wriothesley and neuvillette around the same realm, then navia, then kuki, then baizhu, then childe, and then like- in no particular order, furina, clorinde, diluc, jean, qiqi, xiao, xingqiu, chongyun, beidou, fischl, thoma, ayato, layla, yanfei, yaoyao, dehya, shenhe and most of the others. also to the side there'd be alhaitham, separate from the list, bc i love him but i also detest him in a particular way. i guess pity him is a better word, watching how the fandom treats him feels like taking physical dmg. if you're thinking of a particular artist like an outlier you're probably wrong, but i'm not going to point fingers bc why would i do that. (i do have a handful of characters i dislike but in the spirit of not being an asshole i'm just not going to list them)

anyway- yeah that's pretty much it;; maybe one day i'll make a zhongli pov zhongchi and it'd be a bit clearer what i mean by that, but you know me, i don't control the inspiration ToT

#sorry this was such a long meandering answer lmao i just genuinely cannot articulate it without taking up actual hours #nor do i have the mental capacity to do it rn #anyway #thank you!! #ily <3 #if you've read every good intention you might know what i mean by my odd relationship towards alhaitham #you might also know i don't read kavetham fics precisely bc i dislike the fandom's take on the entire ship – not the ship as a concept #so yeah #i've actually read far more zhongtham than i have kavetham/haikaveh and that's when you know i have read no kavetham #there's only like 40smth zhongtham works and half of them are lemon #i'm not saying there's no kavetham out there that i could like; i'm just saying i don't have the time nor the need to go pick and choose #like i like the ship but not that much #i'd much rather read wriolette and clorivia #god those are such good ships holy shit i love them so much #i'm rambling i'll stop now lol

[phoenix-flamed]

Me, fondly remembering my playthroughs of FFVII, VIII, IX, X, X-2, and XII: I don't need more blogs I don't need more blogs I don't need more blogs I do --

Though if I did RP as anyone, it'd hands-down be Beatrix from IX.

#Out of the Flames #I loved those games so much... including X-2 #don't look at my poster of Shuyin and Lenne on my wall #or my collection of X-2 wallscrolls from anime cons when I was younger #or my statue of X-2 Yuna #RANDOM VONNY FACTS: I WAS PLANNING TO COSPLAY AS LULU AND BEATRIX AT ONE POINT #AND I ALSO WANTED TO COSPLAY AS SORCERESS EDEA #AND MY PROM DRESS WAS CUSTOM MADE AND BASED ON GARNET'S CORONATION GOWN #AND I SANG 1000 WORDS FOR THE ANNUAL TALENT SHOW DURING MY JUNIOR YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL #AND DURING MY FRESHMAN YEAR I SANG FOR THE FIRST TIME ON STAGE EVER AND IT WAS EYES ON ME FROM VIII #which is a weird contrast because Senior year I sang Think Of Me from Phantom of the Opera because go out with a bang BUT ANYWAY #VIII WAS THE FIRST FF GAME I OFFICIALLY PLAYED BUT MY SISTER AND MOM KNEW HOW MUCH I WANTED TO PLAY VII #SO FOR CHRISTMAS THEY GOT ME A PS2 AND THE FIRST KINGDOM HEARTS GAME AND A COPY OF VII #AND I WAS SO EXCITED AND EVEN MORE TOUCHED BECAUSE THEY HAD TO RUN OUT AND GET A PS1 MEMORY CARD FOR VII #AND THEY DID IT FOR ME... AND I WAS SO EXCITED #OH MY GOD I'M AKLSDGL AAAAAAAAAAAAA I COLLECTED STRATEGY GUIDES FOR ALL OF THE GAMES BECAUSE #I DIDN'T WANT TO MISS ANYTHING IN THE GAMES AND ALSO MORE IMPORTANTLY SO THAT I COULD READ THEM LIKE BOOKS AND #USE THE CHARACTER DESIGN SECTIONS AND THE SCREENSHOTS AND ALL OF THE ART WITHIN THEM TO PRACTICE ART #AND AKSLDJGLKFDGLKJDLGF OKAY I'LL STOP RAMBLING NOW BECAUSE HOLY SHIT SO MANY TAGS LOL

[welcometogrouchland]

Anyway since they're apparently not going to go with the "Steph leading/babysitting a team of young heroes" book idea (pause for despair) I'd like to pitch MY idea for Steph: Steph gets back into playing piano (she already started doing so in Batgirls #18!) and ends up taking on a mystery related to the basement rock scene in Gotham (I know the underground concert game there is INSANE absolutely prime serial killer territory)

#ramblings of a lunatic #dc comics #stephanie brown #She took it on bc it ranked low on the bats scale of importance and bc she starts to realise how important music is to her #(I have whole essays I could write on the brief mentions of piano in Stephs comics and what they say) #and thus she wants to keep this community safe. #also it'd be nice to see how Steph operates solo again #acknowledging that (despite it often being denied to her) steph usually prefers to team up w/ others despite the difficulties #bc ultimately she's a person who seeks connection I think #<- which segues into my ''steph joins a band'' idea that i just think would be fun #gives her a fun n interesting occupation and potentially fun interactions w/ civilian characters- #- while keeping her distinct from other bats AND potentially giving her reasons to go outside of Gotham + form connections #(have Steph and red canary interacted one in dark crisis? yes. has red canary barely been in any comics full stop so far? also yes+ #-but consider her being an amateur musician already endeared me too her and i wanna see them interact again) #(it's fun bc Steph was so used to being the amateur/newbie and got iced out for it and RC is that atm but ppl aren't. yknow. assholes to her #(i think it'd be a fun dynamic to play with!) #anyway. I'm a genius and dc should hire me. I'll make an EP for Steph's fake band just watch me

[phoenix-arts7]

Regarding the AI Thing

So I'm sure almost everyone on here has heard of the recent AI development. Don't worry, as an artist, I hate it too. Though admittedly, I do greatly hope it doesn't kill this site. Of all the social media sites I've had the energy to try, Tumblr is the one place I've gained even a little traction on. Frankly I'm still amazed this blog is nearing 450 followers and my Zelda AU blog is over 200. Everyone I've interacted with on here has also been super nice and given me a space I can share my passions with freely.

So I understand if people leave because of this BS. But just let it be known that you guys are great and you've done wonders to welcome anxious ol' me, even if it's just a follow.

Love you all 💖

#this is probably cringe but fuck it I don't care #I'm also currently reeling from stomach pain #so lemme be sentimental #srsly though it's been great to make friends on here #anyway I'll stop rambling lmao

[the-magpie-archives]

The thing about blood is that once you've seen it you can never really get it out. It has a tendancy to linger, to drip into those places impossible to reach, a slow unnoticeable movement breaking its stagnation. Even if you think you've got all of it, chances are you haven't. The smell lingers, a sickly sweet fuzzy smell tinged with iron that somehow sticks in the back of your throat.

Imagine how much blood there was when Jared Hopworth attacked the institute. We know the boneturner is capable of removing bones with no blood at all but why would he when what he wants to cause is fear? He says that they undid the institute staff for parts, so I'd say they took a hell of a lot more than bones.

That's not to mention Melanie's attack with the knife, God knows how much blood Jared and his "perfect" friends had in their eldritch bodies, but if that knife hurt I'm willing to bet that blood was spilled. A lot of blood.

There's something uncanny about a place where something that awful's happened. Something in the foundations of the place. In a place with a history as messy as the institute I'm sure there was always something on the air, but that amount of bloodshed never really fades.

Even if you can't see or smell it I think there's something in the soul that knows it. Growing up there was a small park near where I lived, I always knew of it, walked past it, but never once had any desire to go near it. I don't know if I avoided it, but I never wanted to go into it. I found out a few years back that a girl died there. I won't go into detail but it was the kind of death that leaves that mark, and when I did eventually end up in that park the weight in the air was palpable.

I wonder if Jon could feel that sense of something when he came back to the institute after his coma. Does otherworldly sight stretch into the realms of the metaphysical? Could he see the residual fear of an entity so different to his own lingering in dark corners and clinging to his coworkers? Or could he simply sense it, that slight wrongness that would be so easy to attribute to being away for so long.

Jon didn't get a warm welcome, and perhaps he returned to a place that didn't even feel like the prison it'd been before. There's a comfort in the horrors we face daily, and even positive changes can make it feel even worse than it did before. The behaviour of his friends changed so much, and somehow so did the behaviour of his workplace.

It begs the question, is it better to know or to be oblivious? To be blind or to seek knowledge relentlessly? That feeling, that slight instinct that something happened here, there's something to know; how could one bear that after six months of knowing nothing real at all? Jon didn't know about the attack, and him knowing didn't help, but did he feel it? Was it there in that sea of knowledge the whole time but he couldn't bring himself to reach out and grasp it?

Because the thing with blood is that it lingers, and once you smell it, it never really goes away.

#Tma is a podcast so naturally I'm obsessed with the unspoken elements of it... Often the absence is more important than the presence #There's so many things that couldn't be said and episodes can only be so long so things like this show up in my brain #I just find blood fascinating in literature (and in reality of course) ‚ anything that literally fuels human life is an excellent metaphor #And it's so beautifully perverted by the flesh. So much of the flesh is about beauty and perfection #But as an audience we're never really drawn to agree or sympathise in a meaningful way #Which is actually really cool and I'll probably write a post about that one day #Anyways let me stop rambling in the tags. It's 1am and I'm not even sure the post makes sense! The tags needn't be worse. #tma #the magnus archives #the magnus institute #jonathan sims #jared hopworth #tma the flesh #melanie king #tma season 4 #tma the slaughter #Oh god now the trigger warnings #tw blood #tw death mention #tw death #tw injury #tw knife #tw violence #tw horror #Okay I think that's enough. As always if you think of any more let me know!

[nervocat]

WAITTTTTY YJH PFP AHAH THE ORV BRAINROT IS SETTING IN

congrats!!!!!! i’m vv excited that you like it so far!!!!!! :DDD ….makes me want to bring back my kdj pfp lololol

oh the brainrot set in LOOONGG ago sp.. or at least less then a week ago when I started to read it on Webtoon.... I take every chance I can to read it esp during school 💔💔 I'm nearly on ep 60 in I think 5 or 4 days?? That sounds abt right..

(I'm abt to get very ramble-y here so. a cut off is in place. I wholeheartedly blame you for this ramble sp. take responsibility.)

BUT DUDE I CAN'T GET OVER THE TWISTS AND TURNS OF THIS STORY. THE ACTION. THE CHARACTERS. THE REASONABLE THINGS IN THE PLOT (if that makes sense) AND IT ALL OCCUPIES MY HEAD 24/7/hj....

LIKE KDJ IS SO SMART HELLO?? In my friends words as well — he is a pretty boy. UGHHHHH

I'M LOSING IT OVER ORV.. I HAVEN'T BEEN THIS OBSESSED WITH ANYTHING IN A GOOD LONG WHILE YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH I NEED TO GET MY HANDS ON THE NOVEL I'M FREAKING OUT

but also to elaborate on how the reasonable things in the plot make sense — WHY EVERYTHING HAPPENS ACTUALLY MAKES SENSE. LIKE HOW KDJ SURVIVES STUFF AND SHIT AND HOW THERE ARE SOME PARTS WHERE IT'S TRICKY BUT IT WORDS OUT AND I. I've gotta cut myself off HELP

And there are some. Silly scenes. But yk. That just happens ig.. they're funny anyways so 😭😭

I hope you're happy that you got me to ramble sp. You silly.

#💭 ͏ ͏͏ ͏: ͏ ͏ ͏ nervo rambles ˑ ִ✷ #💬 ͏ ͏͏ ͏: ͏ ͏ ͏ nervo replies ˑ ִ✷ #🗨️ ͏ ͏͏ ͏: ͏ ͏ ͏ sp ˑ ִ✷ #my irl friend (whose up to date with the Webtoon) #has to deal with my rambles everyday when they first see me #or when I'm reading it in the moment #I'll be like #OMGOMG WHAT'S HAPPENING BRO I'M AJDHBEBFB #I'm already telling other friends they should read it #spreading the word 😈😈 #told my childhood friend today and I made them save it so 🙏🙏 #they were like #it's nearly 200 episodes 😨😨 #and I'm like #ofc!! #that's why I like it 🫶🫶 #with many other easily ofc #lore and characters.. #attractive characters.... #gotta make them read some actual good shit #and EDUCATE THEM #ANYWAYS #UM #I'LL CUT MYSELF OFF HERE #NOT SORRY FOR ANY TYPOS #but I will say that school is stopping me from reading.. #It's absolutely tragic 💔💔 #they're stopping the binge!! #how could they!!!!