Obsessed with Maggie Smith’s costumes for Death on the Nile (1978)
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In the last week, I’ve seen Kenneth Branagh’s Death on the Nile and A Haunting in Venice, so now I want to write a fic where a (practically canonical) asexual Poirot can’t figure out why everyone is attracted to him for his body when he has a perfectly good brain and rather fine detective skills. Just because he has Kenneth Branagh’s stunning blue eyes, charming smirk, a dad bod, and thick hair doesn’t mean he’s some sort of sexual automaton! So obviously he simply must get to the bottom of this and figure out why people are driven to distraction over something as boring and mundane as sexual intercourse. By having sex with people. Purely and literally for scientific reasons. He does enjoy making lists and learning about people’s motivations after all!
And obviously—because he can read and understand people so well—he’s an amazing and thorough lover, which just makes everyone fall for him even more. And he’s like, “I knew you’d enjoy X because A, B, and C.”
I’m imagining Poirot being like, “While I’m flattered that you’d pledge your life to me as my submissive, I simply do not have the time or energy to take on anyone else at this time.”
And before the door politely closes in front of them, you hear a quietly stunned voice reply, “Wait, there are others!?”
Poirot catches the door in his hand, leaving it open a crack to reply.
“Madame, there are more than I know what to do with. If you know of any domineering types, here is my card. My hands and datebook are quite full.”
His social science experiment gets a little out of hand, and he goes through his notes and pairs people up that he knows will be good matches.
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If you like taking polls, I also have 11 polls or so about Gaiman's characters, a few polls on Austen's stuff and more on Shakespeare, gothic works and comics (again, see my 'polls' tag).
Maybe I'll do other polls with other Christies too, mention your favorites if they're not here.
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8.8.23 ~ finished Death on the Nile by A. Christie
She [...] had loved him beyond reason and beyond rectitude and beyond pity.
Nothing like a good murder to get you to read for the entire evening. Finished in one sitting because I was super curious to see if *my* suspicions were correct 👀 turns out, they were!
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