#But I can't play it now I'll get addicted and my friends and family won't hear from me for a month | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

absolute-chaotician · 10 months

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The List of Reasons to Move On.

I'm not ready to move. I want to, but there's so much to figure out financially and logistically. I won't be pressured anymore.

I might be able to start repairing my self esteem when I don't have a partner addicted to masturbation. He spends hours every day downloading porn torrents. He has a "secret" account where he creates and posts DAILY porn GIFs. He has like 5 Fleshlights that he uses in conjunction with VR porn pretty much daily.

He's fucking slovenly. He leaves trash and food waste everywhere. There are dirty dishes all over his desk. He'll see something get fucked up (crumbs fall on the floor, a drink spills, something gets knocked over) and just fucking leave it.

He knows the cat eats plastic and still doesn't care about making sure it's out of his reach... he's literally putting my cats in danger.

He's wildly hypocritical about mental health and coping skills. I should be perfect despite past trauma (I'm working on it - he's right that I need improvement but I'm making an effort) but he's allowed to lose his shit. If I mention anything he's done to me I'm playing the victim.

He always talks about how he's "scared" of me and has to "walk on eggshells," meanwhile he's the one fucking screaming in my face, ripping the rearview mirror off my windshield, throwing water at me, spitting in my face... because I said I might hang out with a guy friend I used to date and am IN NO WAY interested in or attracted to anymore.

He insults me freely. He repeats what I say in a mocking tone. He thinks throwing/pouring drinks on me and spitting on me doesn't count as assault.

He calls me a cunt, a "bpd motherfucker," and says he hates me and that I'm the worst thing to ever happen to him.

My grandma died. She raised me. She's the only person in my family I loved. He wasn't there for me. In fact, he was a major asshole and made me feel worse on the day I found out she died. Legitimately the worst day of my life.

He has no respect for my stuff. I grew up poor. I have an unhealthy attachment to things... it's led to some hoarder tendencies. I never want to get rid of anything because I'm afraid I'll need it later and not be able to afford another one. He has bent my bed frame, dented my stainless steel trash can, broke the butter door off my (landlord's) fridge, threw my (work's) laptop and monitor onto me while I was sitting at my desk because I wanted to hang out in the office when we were fighting. It's where both of our computers (plus a TV) are and he always gets the office when we argue and need to separate. He broke my bathroom window (that one might have been an accident). He destroyed my journal - that one fucking hurt. Now my car rearview mirror.

I can redecorate without his fugly furniture. No more giant clunky coffee table or disposable cardboard "dresser."

No more feeling like someone's lowest priority.

Maybe I'll find someone who can actually drive so I won't be responsible for another 24-hour roundtrip road trip within a 3-day period.

Abs would be nice. I know I'm being superficial but it's only because I'm so attracted to him and... I'm really reaching for something positive in this breakup.

I wouldn't hate finding someone who would smoke with me again. Vaping is fine but it's not the same as sharing a bowl. Maybe even someone who can drink with me without turning into a violent raving lunatic.

I'll have free reign of my own home. No more feeling like I can't go into the office because he's holed up in there acting huffy.

My own home office. No more doing calls with my giant headphones to protect client privacy. I can create a cute background for video calls. I can even open up the doors between the office and bedroom so I get good lighting all day.

Electricity costs will probably decrease without his 5 monitors, constantly on PC (gotta seed all those porn torrents), and constantly on Fleshlight warmer humming in the background.

I'll finally be free of nasty-ass hard kombucha breath.

I can go back to the economical option of boxed wine...

I won't feel weird inviting friends over to hang out - like they're invading our (his) space. I won't feel judged by him when they're here. I can invite people he doesn't like.

No more dramatics when I paint my nails or use acetone.

I won't find vapes fucking everywhere around the house.

When I do the dishes (fucking daily) they'll stay clean. No more clearing out a full sink while I wait for my coffee to brew in the morning only to find it full again by the end of the day.

I won't miss the aggressive farting. I'm glad he's comfortable around me but JFC.

Not flushing and leaving the toilet lid open so the cats can get in there.

I can listen to the same songs over and over again without annoying anyone - and I can listen to my podcasts OUT LOUD! I can have music on all the speakers in the house at once!

There's only one bathroom in this apartment. It'll never be occupied when I need it.

He slams a door every single time he closes one.

I can get rid of the cheesy fake flower in a jar he got me for Valentine's Day.

#bpd #bpd vent #breakup #relationships

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bexsua · 10 months

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walks in with my clown shoes squeaking. hi everyone it's emmy (stevie + yuji typist) !! here with my brain child of a third muse miss sua!! :3 i'm still fine tuning some stuff on her pages in the mean time-- but i'd love to get started on plotting!! i'll list a few things under the cut to get a jump on things! i'll also tag sua's profile and plotting page! very excited to share her with you all <3 i'll be happy to plot either on tumblr, or i have a discord if that's preferred !! not everything is listed below but we can also talk during plotting too :3 if you're interested in plotting with sua, please like this & i'll come visit you!

unlike stevie and yuji who i'd say are nicer and approachable, sua is more on the meaner side! she's much more likely to be called unfriendly and rude.

she's generally pretty mean or uncaring to most people she doesn't know, but she is incredibly kind to the elderly. it's a jarring personality change that might catch someone off-guard-- but she respects her grandfather so much that it feels wrong to her to not be kind to her elders

she works at a pc bang and also streams a few nights a week! usually her streams are digital art streams of her sketching or she's playing one of her favorite games and chatting with her viewers idly; she also takes commissions if she has free time to make a few extra bucks too! her streaming schtick is that she's kinda mean and no nonsense. she doesn't mind idly talking about her day or her interests if other people show an interest in it! she hates criticism though or just people saying dumb shit. her chat likes to take bets on how many people she'll ban because she kinda goes crazy with it

she wants to go to art school as her main focus, but she's focusing on working and saving a lot of money right now so she can!!

she loves animals (besides birds, mostly pigeons)!! though she's allergic to cats so if you have one, she'll definitely sneeze a lot LOL

chaotic bisexual!! she's very hedonistic at her core. after a long work week she tends to go out over the weekend and go crazy!!

she's also trying to break a smoking habit so feel free to yell at her or scold her! i can't say it might not end up in an argument or a fight but it'd be fun LOL

she's a scrapper...so she's ready to swing if needed LOL and she will if she feels threatened or aggravated enough, fair warning! she's been wanting to take boxing classes so that could be smth...

she's very straightforward!! she's blunt and pretty callous with her words sometimes, and she's not sorry about it. the world is tough and damn she knows it!!

she's not super into idols and stuff, but she knows a couple!! she definitely doesn't keep up with stuff like that unless the people around her expose her to it a lot

she's a big nintendo fan!! she's a huge fan of the legend of zelda series, and if she's streaming a game it's most of the time expected to be zelda!

she's lowkey addicted to getting tattoos they're just expensive

some plot ideas!!

she does have an open position for her mysterious and estranged older brother that i'd love to have!! some extra plotting for this though if someone is interested!

roommates!!! ideally i imaged her living in a house with 2-4 people to combat rent :3

art friends!!! talk art and stuff :3

fellow streamer friends!! or colleagues!!! it can be a fake working relationship or antagonistic or genuine friends if we can work past sua's attitude problem :3

enemies, friends you name it...maybe even extended family!

sua's weekend partying outings are usually filled with drinking and hooking up, typically! she uses the work week to recuperate so you won't see her out then, but the weekends she's always out and about. usually. maybe partying friends or people who's used to seeing her out on the night scene, etc.

gets herself into trouble and fights a lot, so maybe someone on the opposing side or someone who has to step in!

maybe a role-model esque sort of figure?? besides her grandfather she doesn't have an idea of a good one, and especially being away from her family it'd be nice for her to have one even if she'll fight tooth and nail against it

i'd love exes or past flings!! sua's not the best in a relationship because she spends more time in the chase / lead up and afterwards she just...flops. she's a terrible partner and she knows it. but she also looks for people who are also ideally not the best or easy for her to manipulate.

she's still learning piano and the ocarina just so she can play her favorite songs on them-- so maybe people with similar instrument interests?

#core (approach)!#be:intro

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goldenhydreigon47 · 3 months

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Which Danganronpa characters would you associate with this song?

Lyrics:

This sickness I'm afflicted with Has got my brain decaying Addicted to its wickedness This dangerous game I'm playing I know my god has damned me My fate remains unmolded Guess it runs in the family My sense of self corroded Rage and hatred, untethered Heads and appendages severed I can't be saved by confession Endure this torture forever This aimless anger will fester And pain will make me remember I'm on the edge of life and death And I ain't gettin' better Lungs filled up with sweat and mud Unclean, diseased, body wet with blood When it comes to carnage I can't get enough Ever since mom and dad force fed me some

Way past saving, can't be helped Just a shadow of myself Feel your darkness cascade over me (Cast it over me) Make me evil, feed me hell I'm a shadow of myself Swallow my soul, take control of me (Takin' over me)

Hold your Holy Bibles tight You're sinking in this swamp There's no key to your survival That's a door that's locked Dissected head to toe You'll be opened up The only friend you'll get to know is a loaded gun My blackened blood is boilin' I feel my fear no more The scent of dead flesh spoilin' Have I become a corpse? Spiders climb up my spine Feel their venom in my veins This torment is divine The reaper I'll embrace When I'm made a god I will take a bow Evil forged a bond She won't break her vows Now you know the price Gotta pay it now If you have a life Time to lay it down Heed not the voice of reason It only tells you lies Obey your sins and demons Then see through evil's eyes

Blood is in the air My tongue can taste the gore Smell it on my breath The flavor I've been craving for What's the matter, what's happenin'? I've been served up a platter of pathogens Trapped within a macabre massacre By a family of sadistic savages Ain't seen a chainsaw yet But I will by the end, I'll bet I can sense the presence of Evil Settled deep in this Residence I've already been through shit And still haven't seen how bad it gets Crashin' their party, bash in their heads Pick up a weapon and splatter the rest This violence has me laughin' After makin' a massive mess I guess I'm past the point of saving I'd rather end up dead Give in to your temptation Transcend mortality Why let yourself be bound by Mortal morality

All of the DR2 cast

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casspurrjoybell-28 · 5 months

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Alpha's Addiction - Chapter 3

*Warning Adult Content*

Fireflies - Kao

A servant's forced me to bathe and has groomed me in all ways possible for my first night with Zacan.

Just the thought makes me want to vomit.

In the past, I used to imagine Des and I discovering we were fated mates when we came of age and running away together.

He'd bite and claim me, then we'd have our own family, far away from this evil place.

But that was just a dream, an impossible fairy-tale.

If Des was my fated mate, he's long dead and if it's someone else, he'll never want an impure Omega like me.

Alphas want their Omegas untouched and certainly not with the baggage of a child.

I've accepted it... I don't need Alphas, anyway... in fact, I hate them... so much..

All I need is my Oliver but of course, Zacan has to ruin even that.

He has to pit himself between us, force me to be his mate, even though we are not fated.

Maybe people would tell me this is the best I'm ever going to get... it's a sad thought.

When Zacan comes into the room, I try to act like I'm asleep.

It's a slim chance but maybe he won't try anything.

But then I feel the bed dip, a cold, callused hand closing over my bare thigh.

I flinch, a shiver rolling down my spine... definitely not the good kind.

And now I've revealed that I'm awake.

"You smell amazing," he murmurs, shoving his face into my neck and breathing in deeply.

My stomach churns in nausea, hating every second of his touch.

But I need to do this for Oliver.

If I don't please Zacan, he'll throw me out and I'll never see my baby again... I couldn't bare that.

But then his hand slips under my waistband and I can't breathe.

My chest tightens up, terror washing over me and suddenly it's like I've traveled back in time.

All I can see is his huge figure looming over the younger me, pressing a hand over my mouth to keep me from screaming as he took what he wanted.

No one was there to stop him... No one would have, anyway.

I rip myself from his grip, scrambling towards the edge of the bed.

In seconds he's on me, snatching my ankle and pulling me back toward him.

"Oh no you don't," he growls, grasping a fistful of my curls and yanking my head back.

I cry out in pain, scratching at him in an effort to make him let go but he doesn't.

"Don't be a prude. I know what a little whore you are, Omega," his prickly beard scratches against my ear.

"You let the other Alphas do whatever they want to you."

"That has never been my own choice," I exclaim as he flips me over, pinning me to the bed under his immense weight.

His hands are wrapped so hard around my wrists I'm sure there will be deep bruises on them tomorrow.

"But I'm better than a whole group of Alphas, aren't I? Or do you want me to bring a few friends like you're used to."

His expression is devious, like he's enjoying this.

Enjoying how I shake beneath him, scared out of my mind.

"I hate you," I tell him, tears threatening to spill from my eyes.

"I wish you'd just leave Oliver and I alone."

"Awe, poor you," he says mockingly, caressing my face in faux sympathy.

"But how can I, when you cry so prettily? It really turns me on."

I fight... I try so hard to get away but he's just too big and too strong.

He holds me down, forcing me to take it and all I can do is close my eyes, trying to tune my brain out.

I'm used to this... it's just what Alphas are like.

They use and abuse and we Omegas just have to endure.

There's no way out... he has every advantage here, physically.

No matter what I do, he'll win in the end... Alphas always do.

As he fulfills his desires, I try to go to a happy place to block out the pain.

I think of sunny days, daisies blowing in a field, memories of Des when we used to sneak out to the lake by moonlight.

I think of Oliver's smile as he plays with the other pups.

Most of all, I pray to the Moon Goddess that this will be over soon.

I sit with Oliver in his room, which feels much too giant and lonely for a pup.

There is no decoration or toys in sight.

My heart aches for him, thinking of him trying to sleep in this dreary room all alone.

I still haven't been able to convince Zacan to let Oliver stay with me at night.

"Mama?"

Oliver looks up from the book he's been reading.

"Why is Alpha Zacan my dad now? I thought Des was."

The dreaded question... one I'm not sure I can answer.

"It's... complicated. I guess I just wished Des was your father but he wasn't."

Oliver thinks for a moment, before looking back to his book.

"I don't like my new dad. He's scary."

I couldn't agree more... as Oliver continues reading, I notice that he winces every time he adjusts his position.

My chest tightens, hoping it's not what I think it is.

"Are you hurt, baby?" I ask.

Oliver avoids eye contact, pretending to be deeply absorbed in the book... that confirms it.

He's favoring his right side, avoiding putting any pressure on it.

"Oliver. Lift up your shirt," I demand.

Reluctantly, he puts the book down and does as I say.

My heart drops when he lifts the fabric, exposing the huge bruised welt up the right side of his rib cage.

It's red in the center and yellowing on the outsides, indicating just how much force was dealt into the blow... I see red.

"Who did this?" I ask in rage, although I already know the answer.

"Alpha Zacan said I was being 'disobedient,'" he confesses, lip trembling as he starts to cry.

I hug him close, careful not to irritate the wound.

"I'm so sorry, Oli. I should've protected you."

I cradle him in my arms for the longest time, sorrow overcoming me when I think of how Oliver tried to hide it from me.

Who knows what abuse he'll hide in the future if things stay like this... which is why we need to escape.

I spoil Zacan tonight... I let him do all the vile things he wants to me in bed with less of a fight than usual.

It's all to avoid suspicion, although it makes me sick to my stomach.

The whole time I fantasize about him getting his dick cut off.

Once Zacan is satisfied, he lays back on the pillows, closing his eyes.

"Shall I bring you some tea?" I ask him sweetly, leaning over and kissing his cheek.

He smiles and accepts the offer.

"It's nice to see you finally treating me how an Omega should their Alpha."

I roll my eyes when my back is turned, heading to the door to fetch the tea that I'm going to infuse with mushroom wort.

It'll knock him out for a few hours, giving me the perfect window to carry out my plans.

Once Zacan is out cold, I pack a bag before getting Oliver from his room.

Then we tiptoe around the halls, which I try my best to navigate through memory.

There should be an exit around here somewhere but just as I spot said exit door a hand clamps down on my shoulder.

"Alpha Zacan's Omega. What do you think you're doing?" a cold voice comes from behind us.

I turn to see one of the Alpha guards, a stern expression on his face as he regards us.

'Shit. What do I do now?'

"M-Mama's taking me to see the fireflies. They only come out at night," Oliver chirps up.

The Alpha raises as eyebrow in disapproval.

"Oh come on," I tell him, quickly adding on to Oliver's story.

"My mate obviously approved of this, otherwise he wouldn't have let me leave our room. Would you be so kind and escort us? We're just going to the field near the lake."

There is no way he'll let us go alone and asking him to come with is a way to avoid suspicion.

It makes it seem like we really only want to see the fireflies... I'll have to find some way to get rid of him.

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blossomingtoanewme · 10 months

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Giving Yourself Closure

I just learned the phrase "You can give yourself closure" and it made me realize something. I always blame others for the way I am.

To an extent, it's true that trauma I faced, and my childhood events played a role in who I became, but that doesn't mean I have to allow it to control who I want to become.

Yes, my family never showing me love or being there for me caused me to be emotionally distant. And yes, my father walking out of my life and choosing to raise my stepsiblings played a role in how I view the world.

I can either continue to see the world in a flaw mannered or I can actively choose how I want to see the world. I'm done choosing to face so many hardships.

I acknowledge that I had a shitty father and a even shitter upbringing. What I won't acknowledge is the fact I left the past effect ever single decision I made.

I can't keep holding onto it. So this is my farewell letter. A farewell letter to all of the rooted trauma that controls my brain.

To my father, I wish you nothing but evil. I hope my stepsiblings leave you the same way you walked out of my life. I hope to love myself and continue showing up for me in the ways you never did

To my mother, It sucks that I never got the relationship or the love from you I so desperately craved. I hope to continue showing myself the love you never outrightly expressed.

To my brother, I spent alot of my childhood worried about you. I release myself from that burden. I hope to only worry about my life.

To my oldest sister, I hate how you constantly fat shamed me. At first it hurt then I started doing it to myself. I can't eat a meal in peace now without thinking of the weight I'll gain. I hope to establish a healthier bond with food.

To my second oldest sister, I hate how you expect me to be there for you but you're never there for me. I hate how you expect me listen to you, but you don't listen to me when I speak. You're a hypocrite at times. I hope to be able to establish better boundaries.

To my elementary school self, I wish I stood up for you. I'm sorry you got bullied and I'm sorry your friends let you down. I'm happy you continued to be yourself and did whatever you liked. I hope to be able to be that free again.

To my middle school self, I'm sorry about my eating habits. I'm sorry I caused you to get really sick. I'm sorry that I didn't treat you right. I'm sorry that you spent everyday wanting to escape your body. You deserve better and deserved to be loved. I hope to love myself actively.

To my high school self, I loved how confident you were but that came at an expense. I'm sorry about your addiction and I'm sorry about how bad your mental health was. I'm sorry you couldn't find comfort in being yourself and became introverted. I hope to return to my free spirited nature that was optimistic.

#sad poetry

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starryeyedkid · 2 years

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finally back 5/15/22

jesus tits i have so much to say

i have a boyfriend now. we've been together for a little over 2 months now. i'll call him elijah. believe me when i tell you that he is truly the sweetest man i have ever known. he treats me like a queen and i honestly don't deserve him. i've known him for 9 years and yet i'm only realising now how much i could love him. i'm such an idiot. i'll make another post about him soon.

i joined my school's danceworks team. our final performance is on june 3rd, so thats great. if that wasn't enough to tire me out i also joined my school's track and field team. i'm only really interested in doing javelin or shotput, so at least my legs won't be entirely worn out.

EUPHORIA SEASON 2 HERE ARE MY THOUGHTS 1)okay so jules and rue got together kinda which was great, but jesus jules is so problematic this season. like she cheated on rue, again, with the guy that she accused rue of having a crush on. AND after she claimed to no longer be interested in men. like bestie what are you on you were my favourite in season one now ur just letting everyone down 2) elliot is kinda a useless character, i get he was put in to represent someone who enables bad behaviour (in this case rue's addiction) but istg it just seems like he was there for the sole purpose of giving rue and jules problems in their relationship. i will say, however, i didn't mind his song. a lot of people were hating but those people just wanted to see maddy beat the shit out of cassie 3) cassie WHAT THE fUCk okay like it's not just that she hooked up with her best friends ex, she hooked up with her best friend's abuser. she knew the kind of hell nate put maddy through and yet she still pursued. i think she'll get a redemption bc what her character represents is so important, but god it was so satisfying watching maddy beat her tf up. she deserved it. 4) lexi is like the best character this season. her play, while questionable at times, shows how rue's addiction impacted everyone in her life, not just herself and her family. the parts she included about cassie were fucked up, but like fez said, some people need to get their feelings hurt. lexi was even hesitant about showing the school in the first place. honestly i loved lexi this season, she got the recognition she deserved and i hope that her and rue can work things out again. same for her and fez, i love them. 5) FEZCO>>> okay so his backstory was a perfect start to the series again. he deserved a backstory episode more than anyone and i absolutely loved it. it started with that hallway and ended in that hallway, iykyk 6) kat. deserved. MORE. i dont know what happened between her and sam levinson but her story arc deserved more. she introduced toxic positivity within social media but that was about it. they wasted her completely and i'm angry 7) no one can say that euphoria glamorizes drug use after episode 5. its so raw and emotionally complex, it brought me to tears and zendaya deserves that emmy more than anyone. i can't even begin to describe its layers without going on for hours. 8) bye mckay, you were raped purely for shock value. sorry man. 9) this season was like, really messy. it wasn't that bad, but it had the unfair task of living up to season 1- a masterpiece. i just hope season 3 is worth the wait.

i took a break from tumblr because i just didn;t have the time to formulate my thoughts into it. but, i love this. it's my diary and i want to check in more often. bye for now <3

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nellie-elizabeth · 2 years

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Doctor Who: The Vanquishers (13x06)

I will say, this episode managed to make me feel the epicness in a way I wasn't expecting!

Cons:

But I will also say... nothing about this season was what I wanted it to be. It's a bummer, but there you have it. In some ways, it almost felt like the whole thing was a big-budget, convoluted, messy, unclear prologue to the kind of story I actually tune in to Doctor Who to watch. At the very end, we get this scene of Dan being invited to join the Doctor and Yaz on the TARDIS, going on fresh adventures. That's the show I wanted to watch. Instead, we'll get a couple of holiday specials with this gang, and then it's goodbye to our current regeneration and onto something new. I can't help but feel a bit disappointed.

I'll talk about the good parts of this chaos in a moment, but must first lodge my repeated complaint that this whole six-episode story has just been too crowded for me. I was happy for Vinder and Bel that they reunited, sure, but we spent quite a lot of time on these two characters, only for them to add very little in the end. We had every Doctor Who villain imaginable make a cameo, with the Sontarans and the Weeping Angels making up the biggest chunk of screen time, but then we also added in all this "end of time" nonsense, these baddies who want revenge on the Doctor for stuff she can't even remember... like I said, messy. Hard to know which pieces to focus on.

There's a Sontaran addicted to chocolate, and that's the weakness that gets a couple of the Doctor's friends into the spacecraft? Jeez. That was pretty weak. There were a few more goofy moments in this episode that work just fine in theory for a family show like Doctor Who is supposed to be, but decidedly don't match the tone of everything else going on.

Once again, I must say I don't approve of the epic-i-fication of the Doctor's backstory, as represented by all this stuff she can't remember, and how she's this legend that ties everything together and motivates the baddies to such acts of mass destruction. It's too much; I want things to be simple and more contained, but that's just not the direction of the show anymore, is it?

Pros:

Yaz and the Doctor remain a real highlight for me. Their hug was filled with so much warmth and relief, I really believed in the yearning, in how bad Yaz had been missing the Doctor. I definitely get the sense that they're in love, which I would absolutely adore to see play out, but probably won't. I also liked that the Doctor admitted she had been wrong to keep things from Yaz, and that she wanted to tell her everything. That was a nice culmination, and I do hope we get to see a bit of their repairing bond in our last few adventures with these two together.

While I might question the whole idea of the Doctor's big mysterious secret past, I will admit that scene at the end, where the Doctor consigns the secrets of her origins into the TARDIS, but then leaves the door open that she might ask to learn more later, was pretty amazing. Also, the heartbreak of the Doctor talking to someone who had once been her companion, but who she now cannot remember having had that close relationship with... oof. Ouch. That's kind of the good stuff, isn't it?

The whole opening section of this episode, bleeding through the majority of the runtime, of the Doctor being split in multiple places, was actually very effective. I love the way it was shot and paced. I keep saying I wish this had been a smaller, more intimate story, but it's not, and if I accept this for what is clearly is, I have to give props where they are due for the frenetic and intense way the scenes shifted around, the Doctor trying to deal with so many different inputs all at once. I loved the scene where she showed up to rescue herself, and then paused to do a bit of flirting with her own alternate self. Super cute and unique.

As I said before, I am happy for Bel and Vinder, and I do wonder if we'll be seeing them again/if Bel really is pregnant with the Doctor right now... that's a popular theory and I can see why. Mostly I just want to praise the actors, who did such a wonderful job with the joy of their reunion!

That's where I'll stop for now. I have reasonable hopes that these last few specials with Whittaker will be a good time. I hope we get some nice smaller moments in the TARDIS with Yaz and Dan and the Doctor, before things get shaken up once again...

7.5/10

#review #doctor who #doctor who review #dw

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cynicalrecoverysociety · 2 years

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Feeling off today. But that is too be expected.

Birthday week is finally over, and though I'm still going to party a bit in the coming days, the big events have passed. I've leveled up, I got presents, I ate at great restaurants and I hung out with friends and family. I'm now officially suffering from social hangover that is pretty intense but to be expected considering how much I don't really get out but I went out 3 times in the last week. I saw friends I don't see very often and left my comfort zone a lot. I had a great time. But it was exhausting, and I was able to keep writing through it all anyway.

I decided to quit smoking hookah yesterday. Just for my health. I dislike how much I'm smoking now, how I lean on it in tough times, and my lungs can only take so much. So this is my first day going without it. Feeling a little weird. I always maintained I was not fully addicted to the nicotine because if I went out of town or didn't smoke for a few days or even a week or more it wasn't hard and didn't bother me. I used to stop for months at a time just because and it was never hard, like I never got a craving or got the urge to smoke. We will see if that is still true. It's been a long time since I've stopped. I did stop for a few months at the beginning of the pandemic so I know that it's at least possible in the recent past. So yeah. Not sure how easy or hard it will be this time. It's never been hard before but I imagine this will be the hardest time due to the amount and length of time I've been smoking. If it's hard then I'm going to stop forever, if it's not that hard then I might let myself do it every few weeks as a luxury, I just can't pretend like it's anything less than a habit at this point. So far I haven't craved it and last night I went to a hookah bar with a friend after I had already decided to stop and tbh it was not good I barely touched it, so at least psychologically I have already been turned off somewhat by my intention to quit. Idk. I know my hardest times will be while I'm writing and playing games. I love to have it as a decadence while I'm at the computer and breaking that habit will be difficult. I have found myself looking for the hookah hose every time I'm sitting at my desk not because of a conscious nicotine itch but because I'm just so used to smoking while I'm there. It's all just a bit weird, I've been using it as a crutch for so long I know this is going to be difficult but it hasn't gotten difficult yet and I'm just pretty anxious waiting around for the hard part. Maybe it won't be hard? It will be like every other time? But that seems naive to think that. I guess we will find out.

Also weird because I was always stopping for an undefined period of time in the past, usually dictated by vacations and money and availability, so I knew I would go back one day. This is much more permanent so maybe the will make it harder? Idk. I haven't been enjoying it that much lately and I'm just expecting a struggle and I will probably get one and I'm worried I'm way more addicted than I think (probably true) and it's gonna be fucking awful. But meh smoking is bad for you even if it's not cigarettes and the struggle is worth it for my lungs. I love those things and need to get my shit together before it's too late.

Okay smoking existential crisis over. I mean not over it's still living in my head rent free but I'm done talking about it. In other news I'm just really anxious about all the social interactions I've had the last week. I'm trying really really hard to not revisit the time we spent because I've learned its really unhealthy to pick over your social interactions and try to see every awkward and weird thing you did, and every time you relive it you get less accurate, so really just a bad spiral to go down. But I'm having to basically fight off that urge constantly, and now my brain knows I'll shut down any long form revisits and is now just doing like an intrusive thought highlight reel of every time I wasn't sure what to say or times I thought I nodded too much or spoke my mind too much or whatever. At this point my brain is attempting to convince me I pissed off everyone in my friends and family this week and they will never talk to me again. Which is not true but still very tiring to get through.

Still need to go car shopping and change my internet provider and cut back on weed and stop eating all the time and so healthy mental habits and spiritual practice. The more anxious I am the more I hammer myself with this list of things I need and I just feel overwhelmed and awful. I just wish I could give myself some slack. On the bright side money is looking good and spending is somewhat under control so that's nice. I distinctly have SOME things going for me. Attempting to focus on the positives and add tiny habits to get to where I want to be a little at a time. As we all know it is difficult difficult lemon difficult. But I'm making it.

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paradise-creator · 3 years

Note

Hellooo!! I love love LOVE the diamond box matchup you did!! You're amazing!! Your blog is incredible!! Now I'm here for a romantic haven box Haikyuu matchup pls🥺

Appearance: My name is Kay! She/her, black, straight, 5'1, I have a slightly athletic & curvy-ish figure (lol idk), short-ish hair(like mid-neck), dark brown eyes, shoe size 9, I like to dress comfy so I'm always in oversized hoodies, sweatpants, sneakers, sweatshirts and shorts. I like colorful clothes too, high waisted jeans and shorts and boots. I'm not very fashionable but I try lol.

Personality:

Basics: infp-t, Hufflepuff, Taurus sun, scorpio moon, sanguine, chaotic good, ambivert.

Some positive traits: I'm optimistic, friendly, energetic, organized, enthusiastic, observant, happy, open-minded, loving, encouraging and inquisitive!!

Some negative traits: I'm annoying, perfectionist, insecure, forgetful, easily distracted, kinda lazy, argumentative, too nice at times and clingy.

I love learning new things!! Currently I'm learning Korean, how to draw, how to paint and songs on the saxophone.

When I'm up for it, I love fun physical activity!! Going for a hike, going to the gym, bungee jumping, mountain climbing, going camping and etc :D

Although I love going out, nothing beats lazy days at home. I can spend hours by myself and still be happy. When alone I usually sleep or watch a movie/anime or practice my drawing or saxophone or try and learn something new!

I have a horrible memory and can never remember important dates 😭 I've forgotten my own birthday a few times (rip) so people can get mad at me for missing appointments, forgetting birthdays and other important days. I try my best to organize everything necessary on my phone calendar so I can be reminded.

I love seeing people happy! Nothing can fulfill my day more than knowing I put a smile on someone's face! I usually try my best to help out anyone who needs it and to the best of my ability! This has led to me getting taken advantage of in the past but I can't help but try and make others happy. I've developed a thicker skin and some trust issues as I've grown up because of it.

I love hyping my friends/family up!! Do you need a boost in confidence? Here I am, ready to help you remember the absolute king/queen/royalty that you are!! I'm usually very energetic and enthusiastic about many things and I love spreading positivity around!!

My love language is physical touch! So touch is very important to me in my relationships. Though I am insecure so I tend to think that I smother the people I care about with too much affection idk lol. I live for hugs and cuddles and hand holding 👉🏿👈🏿 but because of that I feel like I'm very clingy and annoying skskfksjd

I'm introverted in nature so although I mean usually full of energy and love making new friends, I can't do it for too long lol. My social battery runs out really fast and I have to hide away and recharge before I can be fully social again, otherwise I won't be my best self. I treasure personal time and understand when people need time for themselves too.

I love spontaneity!! I love living in the moment and doing stuff just for the hell of it!! Wanna go on a road trip? Dance in the rain? Build houses for charity? Go to McDonald's at 2am? Go on a long walk? SIGN ME UP!!

I can also be lazy and unmotivated to do stuff. If something doesn't interest me, I'd find myself incapable of doing it or I'd do it with great difficulty. I'm one of those 'do something when inspiration/motivation hits you otherwise it'll be absolute shit' types.

But when I do have motivation/inspiration that's when my perfectionism comes in and I have to do it in the best possible way and anything less is an insult to me, my family, my ancestors and descendants lmaoo. Unfortunately I subconsciously set a very high bar for myself which can be overwhelming and stressful but when I manage to produce work of that quality, it's very satisfying and rewarding jshkshdhsj

I have more to add but I feel like this is getting way too long 💀 lemme just move to the next section heheheh

Hobbies: I LOVE listening to music, learning new things, watching movies/anime, sleeping, reading, writing, playing saxophone (I'm still learning tho lol), swimming, drawing, journaling, making friends, and cooking!

My music taste: any type of rock (punk rock, grunge, j-rock, metal), pop, KPOP, RnB, jazz, dubstep, lofi hip hop, rap, trap, krnb, anime OP's and bangers from: Elvis, the beach boys, Queen, Khalid, Ateez, Harry styles, Kendrick Lamar, p!atd, mcr, fallout boy, Nirvana, BTS, mxmtoon, Marianas trench, twenty one pilots, stray kids, Jay Park, crush, Dreamcatcher, Skrillex, MJ, troye sivan etc

Fun facts:

I'm more of a cat person but I live dogs and think they're adorable!!

I have four piercings and I plan on getting more soon!!

I'm a night owl, and get super grumpy in the mornings especially when woken up unexpectedly >:/

Although I love making friends, I only have like 1/2 super close friends and like 20+ acquaintances lol

I want to get a tattoo soon but idk what to get :(

I'm super addicted to coffee (rip) and if I don't take some for some time (like a week) I'll get the worst migraines and I won't feel better until I drink some coffee 😭

That's it!! I hope i wrote enough stuff!! Did I leave anything out? If you need more pls tell me and I'll send another ask :D Take your time!! I'm in no rush. I'll patiently wait even though you get writers block or have a large amount of asks 😌 pls stay safe and healthy!! Drink lots of water, sleep well and have an amazing day/night!! 💙✨

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ɴᴏᴡ ʟᴏᴀᴅɪɴɢ

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Hello and Welcome my Starlight!

The Haven box includes:

- Match up

- Sun drop

- Journal of Feelings

- 3 am shenanigans

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

I'd match you up with

Sugawara Koushi, Vice-captain of Karasuno

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Sun drops

- OKAY so like, as I read your description I thought of Akaashi or Yaku or Sugawara

- Me being the indecisive author I am had trouble picking

- But then I remembered that you loved to do spontaneous things.

- And that's when I realized that Sugawara is THE ONE

- You two would be deemed the "3 am couple"

- Or in the team it would be "Epitome of Chaos"

- He takes care of you

- He will alway remind you that you don't need to be perfect

- Insecurities? BE GONE

- Nagativity? BE GONE

- That's basically his motto

- He is both your mom and partner in Crime

- did I mention he will take care of you?

- CUDDLES AND KISSES FOR DAYS

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Journal of feelings

- Once this man realizes that you LOVE physical affection. He will give it to you. EVERYTIME HE SEES YOU

Kay entered the gym to watch her boyfriend play. She tried sneaking in and so far it has been great. She thought she was off the hook but then felt a familiar arms wrapped around her waist. "I found you~" Sugawara said with a smile.

- You both would often plan pranks and majority of the times, it would succeed

"Okay okay, so what are we doing today?" Kay asked the silver haired male. "Oh~ maybe we can scare Asahi or anyone for that matter with a beetle?" Sugawara suggested. "That's--no," Kay responded.

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3 am shenanigans

It’s 3 am in the morning. Almost everyone is fast asleep or in their homes, well almost. The night sky is littered with diamond in the sky. The streets were silent but it was comforting. A few people walked here and there. And a few cars passes by there and here. “What are we doing up so late?” A silver haired man said as he yawned. “We’ll be going to Mc Donald’s! What else?” The female responded as she smiled at him. “Is it even open at this time?” He asked. “Koushi, darling, it is open,” Kay, the lover of our beloved silvered male man said as she smiled. Sugawara chuckled and held her hand, the smile on his face was evident. “You know, we should be sleeping by now right?” He said as he pulled her closer. “And so what? I wasn’t planning on sleeping early! I slept the whole day yesterday and missed the chance to hang out with you,” The girl responded.

A small blush appeared on the male’s face and he giggled. “That’s very sweet bu-“ He was about to say but was silenced by the girl. “That was very sweet but we could’ve done this later on or tomorrow. Well, sorry to break it to you, Love. But, we are here,” She said as she pulled the male inside the fast food chain. And soon enough, the two got their orders and enjoyed their meal. “I don’t know why but this hits different,” Kay said as she eat a French fry. “It really does. Especially since you are here,” Sugawara stated as he patted her head. Now, she was the one blushing. As the two chatted, the other customers and staff glanced at them every now and then. None of them were annoyed at their interactions. On the contrary, they enjoyed watching them,

Some felt envious of their relationship. Some dreamt to have something like that. And others remembered the times of old. The two were so sweet, it’s almost too much. Laughter and chattering echoed through the building from both the couple and the people around them. Then they were dub the “3 am couple” as the two would often venture in that restaurant at 3 am in the morning.

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Author's note

I'm so so sorry for the long wait! This week has been hectic. Anywho, I hope you enjoy this matchup~ and thanks for requesting!

#☁️matchup #haikyuu matchups #haikyuu!!#haikyuu matchup #fanfic #anime #fiction #sugawara koushi #sugawara kōshi #Sugawara #sugawara headcanon #match ups #hq matchups #hq sugawara #Anime matchups #BlackPearl

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ryan-spinel · 4 years

Text

CHAPTER TWO

“Perri's Letter and Spinel's Revenge”

It was another boring day at school. Today I avoided Steven and Connie, at least until things cool down. Now Perri and I are walking to her house, later going to see Lexi. I suggested we go right after school, but poor Perri had a meltdown when that phone addicted bitch Sophie teased her about liking Lexi. Saying “A spaz like you can't date someone like Lexi Joel. You have a better chance at hooking up with your catnapping psycho of a friend.”

I would have said “go fuck yourself and stuff your mouth with a dumb jocks cock.”But I kept silent to avoid more trouble. Even though she's a threat to my relationship with Steven, she went too far attacking my wittle buddy. After today, she will pay.

“So. How you feeling bud.” I comforted

“A little better Spinel, thank you, for walking with me.” Perri lamented

She didn't seem any better, so I stopped walking and placed my hands on her shoulders. She jolted a little bit, she does that when someone touches her without her knowing, I need to stop doing that.

“Perri, please don't worry about Sophie. She will never bother you again.” I reassured Perri

“You don't know that Spinel, you can't just make her disappear.” Perry doubted

The truth is I can, and I will.

“Just, please trust me okay. She won't hurt you anymore.” I asserted, starting to get annoyed

“I-,hmm. Okay Spinel, I trust you. Now can we please go to my place.” Perri faltered, noticing me getting annoyed.

Even though Perri and I been friends for a while, there were times I lost my shit. One time in elementary 5, Perri had this cute green alien head chewy. Back then Perri would chew on the collar of her shirt, so Brooklyn got it as an alternative. Later, a boy by the name of Ronaldo ask if he could play with it. Perri didn't say anything, she looked away from the fat little shit. He started to get annoyed and grabbed her arm. When I saw tears running down the poor kids face, I said. “Don't touch my fucking friend, she doesn't want to share. So piss of you bitch-ass comic book reading fat pussy.” After I stand up for my nerdy buddy, the little shit started to ball his eyes out. So I got detention for the weekend, and then Grandmother Whitney put a bar of soap in my mouth. She's an amazing Grandmother, but if you push her buttons she can be a mean old hag.

We finally arrive at Perri's place, it's a cute little cabin-like house. With a more rustic style unlike my home, a traditional Japanese minka. Once we walked to the door, we were greeted by the outgoing Brooklyn Fitzgerald. A fierce and friendly soul, who looks out for her friends. She works as a lumberjack at the local saw mill, fell in love with the stubborn lawyer Pearl Harpor and once one first place in the wood chopping competition at the county fair. Brooklyn was always that person you feel comfortable around, she is a great role-model for Perri and always wants the best for her. She's like the cool aunt I never had, and the only adult I feel comfortable around that isn't my family.

“How you doing kids, I made a tray of onigiri for an afternoon snack.” Brooklyn greeted

“Thanks mom, we're here just to get a bite to eat, spinel and I are going to a study group at the library.” Perri replied

Perri doesn't lie often, but she's surprisingly good at it. It's scary if you think about it.

“Well okay Perri, but remember. Always have your phone, come back home before six, and don't walk in Black Hawk Clan territory.” Brooklyn directed

“Well of course mom.” Perri acknowledged while to two of us walk inside

Their house interior was like one of the those shacks in the movie Friday the 13th. Brooklyn kept it very well maintained, she may be a lumberjack but she's a amazing carpenter.

“I'll be back Spinel, I'm just getting some things from my room.” Perri called, going to grab the letter

“Alright Perri.” I concurred while eating some homemade onigiri

“So, umm. Spins, how's Perri doing.” Brooklyn worried, she's not always the serious type. But when she is, you need to listen and shut up.

“She's, okay. Why do you ask?” I denied, having a good feeling what she's going to say.

“I got a call from the school, saying that Perri had a meltdown.” Brooklyn took a deep breath and continued. “Spinel, I know your aware that Perri is a little different than the other kids. She thinks in a different way and does things differently.” Brooklyn fretted

“I think you are aware of this Spinel, but Perri has Autism.” Brooklyn said looking that she's not finished speaking.

I was aware that Perri isn't like other kids, that why I like her. I love that she would ramble on and on about robotics, AI and Elon Musk. I love that she has that burning passion to expand her learning, even if it's just one topic. In a way, Perri's like a little sister to me. I love her because she's unique, not mediocre like those bimbos at school. She's her own person and doesn't follow a crowd.

“There were many incidents that kids would tease her because she's on the spectrum. They would tease her for being jumpy, they would pick on her because she wouldn't play with the other kids. And let's not forget the time a student grabbed her over a god damn chewie.” Brooklyn bawled, on the verge of tears. Even someone as strong as her can feel defeated sometimes.

“I'm scared spinel, I'm scared that my little girl will get herself hurt. After the diagnosis her father couldn't take it and left. Saying that he wanted a normal child with a normal life. Pearl has a hard time dealing with Perri sometimes, but she still cares about her. All I ask is Spinel, please look out for her.”

“Brook, things won't be like this forever. There's a lot of people with autism and live great lives. Overtime they grow and learn how to cope, Perri's still a kid. She's going to be an amazing person one day. Building robots or something. The point is that sometime people outgrow these problems, it's sometimes doesn't bother them or they cope with it. Your very lucky to have a daughter like Perri. You just have to remember that every successful person had those days that they want to give up. But they keep pushing until they reach their goals. Just like Perri.” I monotoned

“You maybe right Spins, Perri has been growing up. It just seems like yesterday she didn't need her chewy anymore.” Brooklyn hoped

“See, everything's going to be okay. Sophie won't bully her anymore, I promise.” I concluded

“Alright Spinel, lets go to the library now. ” Perri intrupted

“Be safe girls, look out for one another.”

It took us 30 minutes by bus to arrive at the Black Hawk clan's main nest, I don't know why they would call it a nest but whatever. Their nest was a giant old warehouse outside of town, it had a barbed wire fence all around the headquarters. Like those fences you see in prisons. There was a giant chain link fence for the entrance, two bikers were guarding it carrying AK-47s.

“Yo what the fuck, you can't be-, ohhhhhh. It's the catnapper. What business do you have with the Black Hawks.” Thug one marveled

“Is that what they're calling me now, it was psycho bitch last week. We don't what any trouble, we just want to see the road captain.”

“Wait are you talking about, Lex. Hah,well Spins, we can't let you just see the road captain. You have to talk to the founder first, she decides not us.” Thug two announced

“Oh for the love of god.” I whispered to myself

“Well, can we see. Fucking, Jasper or someone.” I badgered

These biker act so tough and fearless. But really, their just a bunch of leather-wearing douches.

“Ahhhhh, if it'll make you shut the fuck up then sure. ” thug one complained

The two annoyed thugs opened the gate, Perri and I walk cautiously into the nest.

Inside the warehouse wasn't any better than the outside. On the left side, there was a bar with tables, chairs and stolen arcade game machines. The right side was their business operation, with safes, factory equipment and a security system. Every biker gang has their source of income. It can be drugs,weapons, cigarettes or anything valuable on the yami-ichi.

The Black Hawks are the kingpins in the drug industry, but they don't just sell any type of drug. They created their own drug that is booming in the Japanese black market. It's called Menohoyō, meaning eye-candy in Japanese. Menohoyō is made just like regular eye-drops, because it is eye-drops. The only reason why it's addictive and illegal, is because it's made of 45% of diethylamide. A main chemical component to make LSD. There's been cases all across the world, reaching places like Brazil, United States and even Russia. There has been many gangs and drug cartels trying to replicate this drug, but all of them failed. Today, the Black Hawks dominate the drug industry, even bribing politicians to keep their business running. It's greasy business, that's why I want Lexi to get out when she still has the chance.

In front of us are the three masterminds of the whole operation.

Jasper Alder, the founder of the gang. Sitting on an old puke green recliner and smoking a five inch Pyramid cigar. She was born in Tokyo and was a target for bullying because she has vitiligo. Due to the bullying she became a mean bitch, once she broke a kids arm because she called her giraffe. Later in life, Jasper got into bodybuilding and motorcycles. Causing her to follow the wrong crowd. She got involved in a lot of crazy shit involving rival gangs. Once she turned twenty-three, she created the Black Hawk Clan. She called it that because one day, her father and her were hunting hawks. A giant common black hawk attacked her father and scratched his throat, causing him to bled to death in the middle of the woods. Jasper manage to shot the hawks wing and flew off. For three nights she was searching that hawk. Later found it on the ground near an old Japanese Wisteria. Jasper chose not to put the bird out of its misery, instead she watched it bled out for three minutes. So long story short, she's twenty-five and runs a drug cartel now.

On her left was the president of the clan, Eleanor Monsoon. She was Jasper right-hand gal, those two used to rob gas-stations when they were teens. Eleanor was also known for her great grandfather being in the Imperial guard divisions during WW2. That's where she gets her fierce comanding attitude.

On the right was the Vice President of the clan, Persephone Windsor. Nothing to special about her, all I can say is she's a snobby bitch born in a very rich family, she supply's most of the equipment and weapons. She's a narcissist and a manipulator who will destroy lives to get her way.

“(Puffing a smoke) Well, I didn't expect to see the pip-squeak and the catnapper today. ” Jasper snarled while inhaling on her cigar.

“Let me do the talking Perri, I got this.” I whispered to Perri

“Hi Jasper, hows the gang and so. Also can we talk to Lexi.” I urged, trying to convince the butch

“(Puffing a smoke). Well Spins, if you have business with the road captain you have business with me. Now spill the beans crazy.” Jasper chided

“It has nothing to do with.Business. We want to see Lexi, because-”

“Because I want to get to know her better, and hopefully she'll get out of this dirty, greasy motorcyclist club you call a business.” Perri interrupted me and dared Jasper

Thanks a lot Perri, we're fucked.

“How dare you, a worthless pest like you speaking to the founder like-” Persephone chastised

“Wait. Hold on your saying you want to hangout and bond, with the black hawk clan road captain. Out of all the nerds at your snobby school. You choose an angsty, hot-headed, with drugged up parents and possibly slept with more guys than you know how many bones are in the human body. So tell be spaz, what makes you think a nerd like you, can ever be with someone as fucked up as Lex. Because honestly, you can do better.” Jasper insulted

I saw that Perri was starting to get upset, but instead being sad, she got mad.

“You, you don't know anything. How dare you talk to someone like that, your not any better you, you, you f-f-fucking clod.” Perri exploded

It would take a tiny miracle to get us out of this shit.

However, the three bikers looked at each other with confusion. There was a silent pause, until.

“...............Haaaahahahahahahahaha.hhaaaaaaahaaahahahaahahahahhaaaahahah.” The three clan leaders burst with laughter

Perri expression turned back to sadness, trying to hold in her tears.

“Hahahaaahhaa, is,haha, is that the best you got tiny,hahhahaha. That's fucking pathetic, hahaha. Oh look at me, I WUV Lexi, hahaha.” Jasper mocked

I could see Perri starting to sob, I wanted to say something but that would be a suicide mission.

“Perri and Lexi sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-” the three clan leaders laughed and mocked

“What the fuck is happening, it's like a fucking circus in here. ” Lexi interrupted

Thank God she's here

“Perri, Spinel. What are you guys doing here.” Lexi gasped

“We were going to see you, until these donkey's stop us from doing so.” I explained

Lexi then turned her attention to the brainy-baby.

“Hey, hey, hey. Perri, my dude. I'm here, it's okay.” Lexi tried comforting Perri

“(Whimpering) it's good to see you again rockstar.” Perri sniffled

“It's good to see you to buddy.” Lexi sympathized

Lexi then turned her attention to the three douches

“What the fuck did you three do.” Lexi accused

“Lex, know your place. You do not bark at me, or I'm sending you back on the streets like the runt you are. ” Jasper retaliated

“Well I guess you have to put be back on the fucking streets, because no one talks to my friends like that.” Lexi condemned

It warms my cold heart to see Lex care so much for Perri, it's so sweet.

“Ah you fucking bitch, alright. You can see your, friend now.(inhaling on her cigar).” Jasper said in defeat

“Come on Perri, is there something you wanted to tell me.” Lexi adviced

“One second Lexi.” Perri protested

She turned her direction towards me, running up to me and giving me a hug. It was a tight hug, like a bear hug.

“You are the greatest friend in the world, I'm so lucky to have met you.” Perri chirped

I still didn't understand this platonic affection, this is the second time in a row, and I don't feel anything. My heart feels heavy and silent, there's no emotion. Why am I like this.

But to make her feel better, I hugged her back.

It lasted for 3 minutes, everyone in the warehouse was staring at us. But I didn't care, as long as she's happy.

She finally let go and walk towards Lexi, both of them waving goodbye to me. I guess it wasn't such a bad day after all.

“Hold on Spinel, just a minute.” Jasper asserted

I spoke to soon.

“Even though I'm letting your friend hang with the road captain, you still have to do something for me in return. ” Jasper decided

“Jasper. I can't be your drug mule.” I stated

“Don't worry your panties off, your not delivering drugs. I've chosen something that you may like. Do you know Sophie Turner.” Jasper explained

“What about her.”

“She hasn't been paying her IOU's for the Menohoyō's she's been buying for her parties. She keeps saying “My dad is rich, I'll get your money, stop bugging me, bla bla bla.” So because of her I'm losing money, she's my top buyer in Akuma no tochi. So what I need you to do is, take her out.” Jasper offered

Well isn't that pure irony.

“I think I can do that Jasper, but I'm going to need some equipment.” I demanded

“Sure, anything. You just can't tell the clan was involved.” Jasper added

“I need a hacksaw, trash bags, bleach, cleaning supplies, nails and the key to the saw mill.” I listed

“Done. Go to our SGT at arms, Ruth. She'll get you what you need. Remember Spinel, this never happened.” Jasper concluded

Once I reached the exit, a familiar voice called out for me.

“Spinel, Wait. I want to talk to you!”

Well what do you know, I thought Ryan was the last person who would talk to me here.

“Listen Spinel, I did some thinking and wanted to apologize about yesterday. I took my frustrations out on you, it was wrong. I should have never called you runner-tits, your a beautiful, smart girl. One day, some very lucky guy will meet you. I'm sorry.” Ryan apologized

I didn't expect someone like Ryan to say that, it took a lot of guts to admit something like that. I respect that.

“I forgive you Ryan, no hard feelings.”

“Thank you Spinel, I'll let you go now. But remember, the Black Hawks have your back.” Ryan thanked

“Your welcome, I'll see you around.”

It is time, time to give that bitch what she deserves. Good thing I didn't give all that birthday cake to the meow-meows.

I finally arrive to Sophie's place, no ones home but her. I have everything I need to silence her for good. And it all starts with a piece of cake.

I walked to her door and placed a small pink box on the doorstep. I knocked on the door and hid behind a bush.

“Hello, is some out there. Justin you better not be fucking with me.” Sophie cautioned

“Oh, what's this. (opens the box) aww, it's a piece of cake. I guess Justin isn't a dick after all. ”

Sophie picked up the cake from the box and went back inside, without locking the door. I quietly snuck in behind her, when I found out that she took the bait. I always make the best cakes, thanks to Momma. But for this special occasion, I added my secret ingredient.

I saw her take the first bite, then the second, and finally the third. Until she took her fourth bite.

“Mmmh mhhhh- ACK,ACK. Gahh. Barf.” Sophie said while gagging and puking blood

That's right, the secret ingredient os nails. I placed a couple of small nails in the sweet-treat, hoping it would tear her esophagus apart.

“Aww, did poor wittle Sophie bit off more than she could chew.” I teased her while kneeling down beside her.

“Who's a spaz now bitch. I would have came for your ass later. But you had to pick on my wittle buddy. That's one step to far.” I rasped

I looked at her in disgust while watching her struggle to breathe. This was the first human I ever killed, I'm tired of releasing my pain on cats. Taking them from their owners, putting them in a bag, and slamming that said bag onto the concrete floor! Who ever knew inflicting pain on someone like her can feel so, pleasurable. Reliving. The pure horror in their eyes fills my desire, my desire to butcher these whores that stand in my way. I shouldn't have done this sooner.

“ACK ACK ACK, gahh. Fuck youu, you psychotic cun-(pukes blood). Barf. Huff, puff, huff, puff. Huff...ack....ack...ack.........ah.” Sophie cried her last words.

“Just so you know, it's homemade not store bought.” I joked

Well that took longer than I expected. I had to saw her in ten part, bag them, clean the floor, bleach the floor, dispose any evidence, take the body parts to the saw mill and shred them up. I also had to burn my cloths as well, at least I brought a spare set. But it all ended smoothly. I got my revenge, and now only five more rivals to go. Perri can now see Lexi anytime, I hope they worked out, they'll make a cute couple. Even though school sucked ass at least it ended on a positive note. Now time to go home, and great my amazing famil-.

“Hey. Spinel.”

Okay who could that be.

I turned around wanting to know whose behind me. And oh fuck I wish didn't. This day was perfect for Perri and I, and she's the last person I wanted to see, God damn it!

“Hello Spinel”

“Hello. Connie.”

To be continued

#steven universe #spinel #not hate aloud or risk being blocked #stevinel #my cute little psychopath au #yandere #inspiration #im truly sorry for anyone who is senistive to swearing #spinel x steven #spineven #this may not be suitable for all viewers #2020 #my first fanfic #positive look on autism #actuallyautistic #redinstead #smoking #don't smoke kids #don't do drugs kids

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madamsixx · 4 years

Text

Beyond The Leather Chapter 29: Worst Man At The Wedding

A little smut

Since I went over to Nikki's place that night when he broke down and started crying I haven't spoken to him. I didn't know what to say to him when he asked to be my boyfriend. There was a mixture of feelings there. I really like Nikki but the only things that are stopping me is the drugs, my family, and Tamara. They will never allow me to have anything to do with Nikki.

On another note today is Tommy and Heather's wedding. Jess is coming with me. I had to tell her to lie to Tamara and say were going out together. There was no way I could tell her about the wedding she would flip. But Jess said she would only do it if she could come. So I was all for it. I wrapped my present up and we headed out. The wedding was being held in a courtyard in Santa Barbara. Tommy looked handsome in his white leather Tuxedo and Heather looked absolutely beautiful with her white strapless dress. There were about five hundred guests here. We took our seats and the wedding began.

Nikki was standing at the altar and he didn't look good. In fact he looked like a mess. I felt sorry for him he wasn't the same Nikki I met back in 1984. He was changing and it was for the worst. He was completely emaciated, he kept getting up to go to the bathroom and then would come back and start nodding off during the ceremony. He was suppose to be Tommy's best man but instead he was the worst man.

After the wedding the reception began. I got up to greet Tommy and Heather. I introduced Jess to them and made sure to give Tommy a death stare so that he wouldn't reveal any of my past discrepancies to her. I also introduced her to Vince and Mick. She asked how I knew them and I had to just say through Heather. Me and Jess sat at a table eating cake and talking.

"That guy can't keep his eyes off you." She nodded her head. I looked up and saw Nikki sitting at a table in front of me with Nicole. Both of them looked like they were trying to keep there eyes open, but Nikki looked worse off than she did.

"He looks familiar, like I've seen him some where before." She furrowed her brows.

"Mmm no we haven't." I quickly respond.

"Wasn't he in London...remember when we were in the elevator and that guy came in and said you looked like a hall cunt or slut." She points out.

Ugh why does she have good memory.

"Um no I don't remember." I shook my head.

Nikki all of a sudden was trying to stand up. He used the table as support to stand up and slowly started making his way towards me. He was stumbling and wobbling and started holding the chairs as support. I was praying he would just walk passed or fall down. He stood in front of our table and leaned over and smiled.

"Hi can we help you?" Jess asked him.

"I was wondering if I could have a dance with Iman?" Nikki asked.

Jess put her arm around me like she was protecting me from Nikki. "Um I don't think that's a good idea. She said with a worried voice.

Nikki sighed and looked at me hurt. "It's just one dance." He says sadly.

I got up and Jess grabbed my arm. "Its ok Jess I'm fine." I mumbled. I walked around and walked towards Nikki. He turned to me and intertwined his hand in mine and we walked to the dance floor. I noticed that he was sweating constantly and his skin was pure yellow. He looked like he was about to pass out any minute.

"You look breathtaking princess." He said taking my arms and wrapping them around his neck. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me close to him. He tightly held on to me like I was going to run away.

"Thank you. I spoke softly. "You don't look good Nikki."

"I'm fine." He tensed up.

I rolled my eyes. "Are you? Really Nikki? Cause you look like death. I watched you nod off during the ceremony and excuse yourself multiple times. Was that so you can go to the washroom and shoot up?" I said bitterly.

"I don't wanna talk about it. So drop it." I heard the agitation in his voice.

"Is your girlfriend shooting up too?" I raised my brows.

"Mani stop." He growled.

"No I won't! What is it that your shooting up Nikki? Why are you doing this to your self?"

"Mani shut the fuck up!" He raised his voice and pushed me.

"Hey ass hole don't put your hands on her!" Jess yelled running over to me.

People were staring at me and Nikki on the dance floor. I shook my head and walked away from him.

"Mani!" He called out to me.

I started walking to the parking lot I wanted to just leave and get as far away from him as possible.

"Um excuse me Miss." A gentlemen called to Jess making her stop walking and turn around to speak with him.

I kept walking to the car knowing that she would just meet me here. Nikki came stumbling behind me and pulled my arm for me to face him.

"Iman please I'm sorry." He pleaded.

"You need help Nikki your drugged out at your best friends wedding. Your suppose to be the best man and you let Tommy down!" I raised my voice. I tried to turn away from him but he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me close to him. I looked into his eyes and could tell that he was on the verge of bursting into tears.

"Iman please let's just talk about us. I don't want to loose you or having a chance to be with you. I know I need help but it's hard." He starts tearing up.

"Stop making excuses." I said with a stern voice and pushing his hands off of me. "Your a grown man and have the power to do anything you want to. Did you not create the band Motley Crue?" I turned and leaned against Jess's car shaking my head. "Your only going to kill yourself Nikki."

Jess came running over to her car. "Hey let's get going." I walked over to the passengers side of the car with Nikki following behind me. "Princess." He called grabbing arm. He cupped my cheeks in his hand and leaned towards my face. "I'll kick this if means I still have a chance with you." He leans in and gives me a long needy kiss on my lips. I pulled away and turn my head away from him and get into the car and we drive away.

We sit in the car in silence neither of us wanting to say anything about what just happened. Jess now knew my secret which was Nikki and the rest of the Motley boys.

"You know it will never happen between you and Nikki." She raises her bows.

I didn't say anything. I just looked out the window wishing I could go back to Canada. Things were now getting complicated and I don't know how it even gotten to this point.

"Here." She pulls a paper out of her pocket and hands it to me. "You know the guy who called me over. He's Motley Crue's tour manager Rich Fisher. He says he would like you to call a man named Doc Mcghee."

I opened the paper up and saw a number on it. I remember meeting him back stage at the theater of pain tour. What did he want to talk to me about?

"I think you should call him. According to him Nikki told him that he has been doing heroin."

"Heroin!" My eyes went wide and I was shocked. Heroin isn't something that you can just shake off easily. I didn't think he would go that far. "Yeah...yeah I'll call him later on."

"Iman." She called out to me.

"Yes."

"Nikki is bad news so I think you should stay away from him." She warned.

When I got back to the house. Jess and Tamara immediately started talking about the pretend places that we went to and business. I walked into the room and collapsed on my bed without even taking any of my things off. I sat back up and opened up the peice of paper that she gave me. I picked up the phone in my room and dialed the number.

"Hello Doc Mcghee speaking."

"H...hi this is Iman Darlington. Your tour manager said I should call you regarding Nikki?"

"Yes im glad you called. Were going to have an intervention for him and I would like you to be there. I know Nikki is fond of you and I'm sure you want the same thing for him to get off of drugs."

Today Doc, Doug, I and a guy named Bob Timmons who is a counselor for addicts were heading over to Nikki's place for an intervention. I asked a lot of questions because I have never done an intervention before. I was also nervous about going too, because I didn't know how Nikki would feel with us ambushing him. He's a hot head and he gets aggressive when ever things don't go his way. Plus he's the type of guy that likes control.

"Just tell me the day and I will be there."

____

We pulled up to the gates by his home. And I must say the house is very nice. The last time I came here it was night time so I couldn't really see anything. Doc pressed the buzzer and we waited for Nikki to respond.

"Hello!"

"Hey Sixx its Doc open up."

"What the fuck do you want?"

I almost laughed when he said that.

"Open the gate Sixx!" He yelled.

Nikki opened the gate and we drove in. Doc and Doug got out of the car and headed up Nikki's steps. As I was about to open my door Bob stopped me. "Uh wait Iman, your not going to come out. I need you to wait in here ok."

"Oh I thought I was going to be apart of it?" I asked with confusion.

"You are, your going to play a big part." He smiled. He then opened the door, got out, and headed in.

I sat in the car for about 3 hours. I thought to my self that this is complete BS. I was on a break from working and instead of me laying by the pool side, eating ice cream, hanging out with friends, and doing the best thing ever which is shopping. I'm sitting in the back seat of Motley Crues managers car waiting for Nikki Sixx to come out and get checked into rehab. What the hell!

I heard the door open and saw Doug come out and walk towards the car. He opened the door and told me to come out. I got out of the car and he looked completely stressed out.

He sighed, "alright Iman he's all yours."

"Uuum ok. Am I suppose to do something?" I questioned.

"Your going to do what you do best with him." He walked ahead of me and I followed behind him. Not sure of what I was getting into. I stood by the door and listened to Nikki swearing and yelling. His usual word which was "fuck off" or "fuck you" was all I could hear him say.

Doug finally opened the door and let me walk in. The place was trashed and Nikki was throwing things around. Nicole was sitting on the couch high as a kite clearly, Bob was standing up trying to clam Nikki down, and Doc was yelling back at Nikki.

"I'm not fucking going! Fuck you get the fuck outta my house now!" Nikki shouted.

"Nikki we can help you ok you just need to calm down please." Bob spoke calmly.

"Nikki your going and you don't have a choice! So stop acting like a child throwing a tantrum!" Doc yelled.

Nikki then turned to charge at Doc but saw me by the door looking shocked and scared. His eyes started to soften and he started sniffling and his breathing started to hitch. I slowly walked towards him and put my hand on his cheek and started to caress it.

"Look Nikki I've been where you are and you need help. We didn't mean to do this to you but your a drug addict and we need to get this under control. You and Nicole." Bob spoke up.

"You need to calm down ok." I spoke calmly. He burst into tears and fell on his knees and wrapped his arms around me shoving his face on my stomatch. I wrapped my arms around his head and kissed the top of his head several times to let him know I'm here for him.

______

Nikki kept his red eyes on me and held onto my hands. "Nikki." I called him. "You need this." I spoke with a stern voice.

"I don't....I don't want to loose you." He started to sob.

"If you don't go, you will loose me. For good Nikki. I won't be with a drug addict." I warned him. He nodded his head in agreement, "ok I'll go." He said with a shakey voice.

I looked over at Nicole hoping that she would go to. "What about you?" I asked her. She looked up at me and nodded her head on agreement as well.

"Alright start packing some bags." Bob got up and walked with Doug and Doc over to the side. Nicole got up and headed to the room to start packing.

"Will you be waiting for me when I get out?" Nikki mumbled.

"I will, and I'll also be so proud of you." I smiled while brushing his hair.

3 days later....

Since Nikki went to rehab I gave Bob my number to call me if he needed anything and I took his. Of course I told him he had to call me at certain times cause of Tamara. I got a brochure from the rehab center and I wanted to take it to Lisa in hope's that she would consider going. But every time I called or went over to her place her parents would tell me she wasn't there. I figured it's because she just didn't want to see me.

I went shopping today with Rachel which is usually a cure for me when I'm stressed. We decided to head back to my place and just have a girls night. Tamara of course loved the idea when I told her that. She loved Rachel and me hanging together. We were driven back to the condo and started taking our stuff out of the limo.

"So crazy people live in your condo?" She laughed.

"What do you mean?" I turned to face her.

"Look at that guy in his hospital gowned his ass is sticking out and he's holding onto a guitar." She chuckled.

I looked closer and saw that it was Nikki. My eyes nearly popped out of my head. He's suppose to be in rehab! What the fuck! I started sweating not just on my face but my armpits and everywhere else. Oh God why do these things always happen when Rachel is around? It's like my life is just heading into a downward spiral. I didn't want to have to deny knowing Nikki again, I realized how bad it affected him and how much pain it caused him. I had to somehow get rid of her. Cause I know Nikki sure as hell was not going anywhere.

"Oh my God I need to take a picture of that." She pulled out her Polaroid camera and pointed it in his direction. This might end a good friendship but it has to be done. I slapped her camera on the ground and it smashed hitting the floor.

"What the fuck Iman!" She yelled. "What the fuck is your problem!?"

"Sorry it was an accident." I pleaded.

"God that camera was expensive." She argued.

"I'll get you a new one." I argued back. "Um look I have a couple things that I have to do so we need to cancel today."

"What!" She screamed. "I thought we were going to have a girls night?"

I groaned, "I know I'm sorry but I have to cancel."

She rolled her eyes and got back into the limo cursing under her breath. I waited for the limo to drive away and then speed walked with my bags in hand ready to beat the crap out of Nikki with them.

"Why are you not in rehab Nikki!" I yelled.

"Becasue I don't wanna be. Fuck that place I'm not going back!" He shouted.

I was about to shout at him again when I noticed some of the Tennant's in the building were walking in and out watching me and Nikki. I shoved some bags in Nikki's hand and told him to follow me upstairs. I slammed the door shut and was ready to give Nikki a piece of my mind.

"Nikki you promised you would do this." I grumbled.

"I know and I wanted to, but they were trying to brainwash me with God and all that shit." He argued.

I clenched my jaw and started walking towards Nikki ready to punch him. But I stopped when the phone rang. I walked towards the phone and answered it.

"Hello!" I said with an agitated voice. It was Bob Timmons he was calling to let me know that Nikki had escaped and he was looking for him. I told Bob he was here and gave him my adress so he could come and pick Nikki up. I hung up the phone and looked over at Nikki. He sat on the couch with his hospital gown on, legs crossed on the table, guitar on the couch and remote in hand. He was truly adorable I couldn't lie.

"Are you hungry?"

He turned to me and smiled, "very."

I walked to the kitchen to look for something to make him. I wanted something that was easy and quick cause who knows how long he went with out food. I grabbed a package of noodles and decided to make it with red peppers. It wouldn't take long to make. And that would keep him busy till Bob got here.

As I was cutting the red peppers I felt his arms snake around my waist. I felt his breathing on the back of my neck and his lips start to slowly lick and kiss it as well. I started to breath faster when his fingers moved slowly moved up my thighs and went underneath my dress. I felt goosebumps all over my body and I dropped the knife and raised one arm over my head to wrap it around his neck to brush his hair. His hands moved up my stomatch to my breasts where he lightly rubbed on my nipples. He winced as I gipped his hair in response to his touch. I turned my head to the side to face him as he turned his down to look at me.

He wasted no time in pressing his lips against mine. It was a delicate kiss. He pulled away to look at me and then kissed me again but deeply. His hand moved from my nipples all the way down to my panties. He pulled away again to pull down my panties. I turned around to face him I could feel the wetness between my legs and started feeling extremely tight down there as well. He picked me up and sat me down on the counter. He pulled off his hospital gowned leaving him completely naked. His cock was as hard as stone. He pulled my waist forward a bit and took his cock in his hand.

"Nikki don't." I breathlessly say putting my hand on his chest.

"I won't princess." He whispered to me. "I just want you to have a taste." He put the tip of his cock against my pussy hole and slowly moved it around in circles. He started groaning and gripping my hair tight like he wanted to shove it right inside of me. But he knew he had to control himself. "Look how wet you are princess. Your pussy wants me." He growled in my ear.

It was driving me mad what he was doing. My breath was hitched, my body was sweating, and my pussy definitely needed Nikki to fuck it. He pulled his cock away and crouched down so his face was between my legs. "Now it's my turn to have a taste." He cooed. He licked his lips and started kissing my inner thigh.

Ring Ring

The phone started ringing and I came back to my senses. I kicked Nikki, hopped off the counter, and ran to the phone. I answered it feeling flushed and hot. I put the phone down and walked back to Nikki who was leaning on the counter scowling at me. Did I forget to mention that he was still naked. God he's hot.

"Bob's coming up, he's going to take you home." I said out of breath.

"Oh why?" He groaned

"Because you still need to get cleaned Nikki." I walked towards him and picked up his gown and handed it to him.

"Are you angry with me?" He asks taking the gown from me and putting it on.

"No." I assured him. A knock came at the door and I walked over to open it up. "Hi Bob." I smiled at him.

"Iman nice to see you." He walked and looked at Nikki. "Mr. Sixx we have a lot to talk about and have a lot to do ok."

"I'm not going back there Bob." He huffed and crossed his arms.

"Ok how about at least we get you home and we talk. We'll work something out ok." He calmly speaks.

Nikki nodded in agreement. And walked towards the couch to grab his guitar.

"We'll call you when we get back to his place ok." Bob says as he pats my arm. "Nik I'll be in the hall way." And walks out the door.

I turn to Nikki and he walks over to me. He has a big smile plastered over his face. "Are you going to come over when I'm sober?" He asked.

"Of course I will." I say wrapping my arms around his neck.

"So that means I get to keep these." He lifts up my panties. "Until your ready to get them back."

My eyes went wide, "Nikki Sixx give me those now!" I yell trying to grab them from him. He runs out into the hall way and I chase after him yelling for him to give me my panties. Bob is holding onto the elevator door shaking his head while waiting for Nikki.

"Nikki I-" I'm cut off with Nikki pressing his lips to mine. I wrap my arms around his neck and he warps his around my waist. He picks me up so my feet are dangling off the ground. And he deepens the kiss. He pulls away and his expression on his face changes.

"Are you still mine?" He whispers.

"Always." I reply.

He puts me down and gives me another peck on the lips. He walks into the elevator and smiles at me. We both watch as it closes separating us for the time being.

#motley creu #nikki sixx #tommy lee #vince neil #mick mars #thedirt #model #chanel iman #bwwm wmbw

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romance2d-otomegame · 4 years

Text

The Route Thief

Sumary: Everybody used to tell me to stop playing those games, but what can I do? An otome game is pretty addictive and specially if is one like Wizardess Heart. This game is my life! Wait, I didn't mean literally... Then, why I'm suddenly inside on my game!? Is that Hiro and Zeus? When I said this game is my life I didn't mean to want that this game BE my life!

Pairing: Hiro x Marian

Chapter 4

After dinner, Zeus and I went to a walk by the garden. Some orbs of light were flouting on all the way lighting up the path. I tried to touch one, I was wondering if it was hot. But actually it was just warm, and it was beautiful, some how, it make me relax and smile.

"What the heck are you doing?"

And stress came back

"I was just curious."

"I was talking about you coming to Gedonelune. What are you up to?"

Zeus approached me and blocked my way.

"I... Don't know what is happening either. I didn't know anything About it, I swear. "

"Like I'll believe that!"

He seems to be very angry. But why? Do he... He doesn't like his fiance? If I remember well, there's never mentioned that Zeus have a fiance. Like ever! But, it can be that he hides it. I need to know on what timeline am I. Is this before or after Night Class is revealed? The things will develop just like in the game or I'm in another time of story? Any way, why do I have to be Zeus's fiance!? If that was the deal well, I might had been Hiro's fiance, or Alfonse, or Elias. Not that Zeus is that bad, I know he's an idiot but he's very soft on the inside. But it seems like right now, I'm on his bad side. What should I do?

"Why are you against it? You don't want people to know that you have a fiance?"

"What I don't want is you saying everyone that I'm your boyfriend and then trying to boss me around all day!"

Huh? Could it be...?

"Listen, don't tell anyone that we're engaged, if you wanna go to the Academy well, go ahead. But I don't wanna you keep bother me all the time! I won't do all that you say just because it please it you! Understood? After all, is just a matter of time for me to find a way of cancel this compromise. "

I see, Clarisse said that between Zeus and I was an "enthusiastic" relationship. I guess it was her way to say that we discuss all the time. Boss him around huh? Is that what Marian does all the time? So Zeus is against it uh? That explain a lot but still...

"Ho-How rude, I already told you that I didn't know anything about this."

Even when I was trying to keep myself together, I'm weak when somebody rise his voice at me, and my voice shakes a little. I need to calm down. I avoid it him and continue the walk. I took another pat, I needed to stay away from him for a while.

"Gosh, what a big problem."

"You need help?"

I jumped in surprise and turn to see Hiro looking at me. I felt restless, I mean, I always enjoyed looking at him on my phone but here, I can't do that.

"Yo-You scared me."

"Sorry."

He stayed quite for a few moments. What should I do? What kind of relationship have Marian and Hiro? I might make another mistake.

"Oh, look, the flower I send you the other day is already blooming."

"Eh?"

I saw to where he was pointing and I saw a big blue flower on the center of a path. It was really beautiful whit the faint light of the moon upon of her.

"Ah, yea, it has become so pretty."

I smiled to him but he looked at me dead serious at the face. What? Did I mistaken again?

"So, is true?"

"Tru-True. What thing...?"

"It is true that you lost your memories."

My heart that was beating strongly a moment ago, it stopped suddenly. So, he knew. Of course, is Hiro, he can be sharp.

"You... Knew. Since when?"

"I just hear the maids saying something like that so I came to check myself. Of course I never sent you a flower, you neither speak or look at me like ever anyway. But today when we arrive your eyes were glued to me. It was strange since then. But now I see why."

I felt my face burning for embarrassment. Unfortunately there's no other pat I can take to run away.

"P-Please don't say anything. They told me that nobody should know. She'll punish the maids if she finds out too. That'll be unfair."

Hiro's eyes widen.

"Okay, this is kind of strange."

"Why you say so?"

"You're totally different from the Marian I know. She will never worry for the servants. She never smiles or speak softly at least she's plotting something."

"You're making me sound just like mother."

"Mmm... Yea, that's exactly how you are. Both are exasperating. No offense."

"Don't worry, I think I can agree whit you. It seems like I'm such a horrible person uh?"

Okay, now I see why I'm on Zeus bad side. Of course he never liked those things.

"You really hit hard from that fell huh?"

"Ah! Eh... It seems so, he hehe. "

How can I say that actually I'm not from this world!? Losing memories sounds more credible. I'll have to go whit that for now. And if is that the case then, I better gather all the information I can.

"Say, Hiro, if Zeus and I don't get along, why are we engaged? He even said that he'll find a way to cancel it. Why hasn't he done it yet?"

"Well, your mother, and you I think, convinced Zeus's mother to this."

Ah, Zeus's mother is scary to him. That makes sense.

"They're good friends so, Zeus's mother though it was a good idea. Also, your father and Zeus's father have a business right now so, is difficult for Zeus to say something like canceling."

"I see. Even if I also wanted, it seem difficult from my part too."

So basically, mom wants his daughter to marry into nobility. And they trying to caught them by business matters, so they think that a marry is convenient. How typical.

"That's right. But, you can change it if you want."

"What do you mean?"

"You seem to be nicer than before, no offense. So, why don't try to fix things whit him now? Tell him what happened."

"What? They told me to especially not to tell Zeus about it."

"Yea but that can clear a lot of misunderstandings don't you think? Zeus is not that bad as you think."

I know he's not a bad person. He always was a kind person and even when it doesn't seem like it, he was unexpectedly gentle and supportive. Maybe, Hiro is right and I should tell him. He might soften to me.

"Okay, I'll go tell him."

"Good."

I went to search Zeus again on the garden. And when I found it he of course, send me an annoying glance.

"Zeus, there's something I need to tell you."

"uh? What is it this time?"

"Well, you see, it might be hard to believe but, due to the horse falling, I get hit on my head and when I woke up, I've lost my whole memories. I didn't even remember what my name was."

Zeus stayed silent for a moment, he didn't even blink when I told him the story. Did he hear me at least?

"Mmm, I see, so now you don't remember anything uh?"

I looked at him whit hope. Does he believe me?

"Is this just another one of your tricks!?"

"Uh?"

Suddenly, my hopes shattered on pieces.

"What kind of game is that!? Do you really think I'll believe a nonsense like that? You always made up lies like that just to toy with me. That's why I didn't believe that thing of the horse when they told me at first. I just came cuz my mother forced me. And now you have amnesia? Yea right."

Zeus passed me and start walking towards the exit.

"There you are Hiro! Come on, lest get out of here. I'm sick of this place. "

Zeus really is an idiot uh?

"Umm, Marian?"

Hiro approached me from behind. I... Wasn't feeling quiet right.

"Hey, uh, I'm sorry, I... Know I encourage you to tell him but... I guess, I forgot that Zeus is also a big idiot. I should've think on that before."

"No, is okay. He's right. I'm a horrible person after all,. I shouldn't expect him to believe me. "

I felt so frustrated. Nothing of this is my fault! Why I have to bear all of this? I couldn't see Hiro in the eye so I just turned and started to leave. But a ruffle of my dress got caught on a root. Gosh! What else can go wrong! I stared to pull my skirt to free it. Stupid dress!

"Calm down, if you pulled it like that you'll ripped it."

Hiro kneeling down and carefully loose the riffle.

"There you go."

He stood up again, and my eyes fixed on the sword he was wearing on his waist. I saw his tattoo on the other arm too.

"Are you okay?"

He asked me.

"I... Remembered that I'll be going to a Magic Academy next week. But, I don't know anything about magic."

"You also forgot it?"

"I guess."

"Well, it always exists the possibility for you to remember. We still don't know how much time this will be."

"I don't know if I want to be back to who I was before. It seems that I'm not a good person."

I miss my home, I miss my family, I miss my friends. This is not what I wanted. Will I ever go back to my own world?

"Well, it doesn't matter anymore, right?. You are the one living now. Whoever you were in the past it has stayed behind, you don't need to behave like someone you don't know. The one you are right now is the one that matters. And while you are here you can, you know, take advantage of this life and live it to the fullest. Don't you think?"

Hiro's words sounded like he'll know about the real me. It felt like... It really makes sense... In a strange way.

"Hey, Hiro! Hurry up! What is taking you so long!?"

"And that's my call. You should come too, to say goodbye. "

"Uh, right."

"The name is Hiro, by the way. Just in case."

"Hiro. Thank you, for being so nice even when is obviously that I haven't been nice to you before. "

"Don't mind it."

He briefly smiled at me and then keep walking, he is so considerated.

We said goodbye at the entrance, and while they leave I keep thinking on Hiro's words, he made me feel a lot at ease. Hehe, he is just like in the game huh? I should live this life to the fullest uh? I headed to my room, but before climbing the stairs, someone grabbed my hair and pulled me up stairs.

"Kyaa! What...!?"

I briefly saw that it was mother the one pulling me from my hair. And she didn't let me go until we reach my room. She pushed me inside and I stumble whit my dress and fell on the ground.

"Can I know what we're you thinking?"

Now, why is she so angry now?

"What were you doing talking whit that servant?"

"Servant? You mean Hiro?"

"Your goal is Zeus! You don't have time to lose on a servant, I've told you thousands of times! The only reason that you will be sent to Gedonelune is to be closer to Zeus and marry him, that's the only way we can enter the nobility, keep that clear on your mind! That's the only thing you can do for your family that it has giving you everything. Don't forget it."

She turned and slammed the door. I didn't even have time to say anything. Is this the kind of circumstances that Marian lives then? So I guess that's the reason why she's so desperate. Oh, look at my dress! It ripped. Hiro untangle it so carefully just a minute ago. I stood up and headed to the window. Is such a stary night, Hiro's word keep sounding on my head. It doesn't matter who I was before, this is what I have now. Let's take the best of it while it last! The good part is that I'll get out of here and I'll be on that place where so many adventures happens! Let this dream last all that it wants!

To be continued...

#The route thief fan fic #Shall we date wizardess heart fan fiction #zeus brundle #hiro tachibana #OC

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mewmewnyaart · 4 years

Text

I'm not very good at drawing horror and blood but I recently have been getting into OFF lately so I figured I'd try to draw batter to pratice lighting and shadows

I also made my own au where batter and hugo switch places but I doubt anyone would like it or even read it heck I couldn't even get a single like on any of my posts

But here I go anyway :

So common belief that the world of OFF isnt real and that its all happening inside Hugo's head because hugo is in a comma and that the batter resembles the father and the queen resembles the mother

And that the guardians are the boy's immune system and organs that are intolerant to the drug liquid plastic that is being experimented on hugo

The mother was always a working woman and never gave hugo attention while the dad was a straight forward and loving man (I also have a personal theory that he's religious)

The mother wants hugo to live but the father wants to let the boy die because he's tired of seeing his own child in pain everyday

Ok now that I have that out of the way here's my au:

In this au its the father that ends up in a comma and hugo is the one who tries to save him from dying

Backstory to how the dad ended up in a comma:

Hugo in this au is healthy and lives a normal life the father was once a baseball player (as a hobby) so hugo got inspired by his dad and started to take baseball classes at his school

One day the dad was dropping hugo off for baseball practice and while waving goodbye while slowly moving out of the parking lot a reckless older student who wasn't looking quickly backs up his truck hitting the father and sending him into a comma

Ok now for the characters:

We enter the game as hugo and we are greeted by the judge and we start our journey of "purifying" the world just like batter

The enemies represent different family members who dislike or or even hate the father and the father's phobias or fears as well as microbes or poisons in the father's system

Then we have other characters like pets,neighbors,friends who are good guys or people who side with hugo in the this au

Also the puzzles would changed in this au

Hugo is a child and the father would probably play alot with hugo and his games since the mother was always busy ,so instead of floating boxes we'd get more complicated versions of kids puzzles like connect the dots or fill in the shapes etc.

Now for who each character represents and then I'll move on to what the goal of the game is or what Hugo's mission is:

Hugo= he represents the son in real life but he also resembles a new antibiotic that's being experimented on the father

The judge = in real he's the family house cat named milk ingame he's a guide but I have my own head canon

so alot of people tend to draw batter with his eyes closed some draw 4 eyes some draw no eyes at all

I like to think that the father irl has bad eye sight or sensitive eyes so he wears special glasses but will not wear any glasses when at home because he doesn't like to so he will walk around with his eyes closed

So milk will guide him throughout the house by purring or meowing at him

As for the smile the judge has on his face hugo likes the movie Alice in wonderland over and over so the image of the Cheshire cat would be embedded in the dad's memory which is why the judge appears that way

He views the judge as someone who is helpful

The queen = the queen is his wife however they start to have alot of problems and arguments before the father fell in a comma

And the relatives try to convince her to turn off the life support and move on with life

Dedan= irl he's the father's brother in law with a snappy attitude and he hates the father alot and even objected in thier wedding day he will do anything to hurt the father or cause trouble

The father sees his brother in law nothing more than a all bark no bite a big mouth

Japhet= in real life is the lady that lives next door (yes I KNOW japhet is male but he's based off if her in the father's head)

She's is very controlling person who enjoys gossip and can't mind her own business always sticking her nose where she can as well as pushing everyone around she does everything she can to get attention and impress people and she's flirted with the father mutiple times but she's ignored her every time

She has very loud and noisy birds and has killed thier other family cat Venice saying that she did it as self defense (Venice is Valerie basically)

The father views her as a parasite

Enoch= he resembles another dad that takes his kid to baseball practice but is in bad terms with the mother and will constantly pick on hugo for fun

He assumes if the father approaches him its because his wife told him to do so

and will constantly say that his child and wife are happy ,living a life with no problems thinking that he's got life figured out

Even though its clear that his son isn't enjoying baseball at all, is quite over wieght as well as his wife ignores him all the time not to mention he's constantly eating meaning that he has some sort of food addiction it seems he sees no irony in his life at all

The father sees him as an irresponsible over wieght person who's always lying to himself and to blind to see the truth thinking that his life is ok when it's clearly not

Zacharie = irl he's the father's best friend since middle school and they've known each other for years he was the best man at the wedding he's bisexual and in a relationship with a girl named sweetie (please don't hate me batterie shippers QWQ!) He used to crush on the father and even confessed to him on the wedding day he was heartbroken but accepted that the relationship was never gonna happen and was even mad at his best friend but realized it was wrong of him to feel that way

He eventually moves on

He likes to bring and buy alot stuff and show them to his best pal later somegimes illegal stuff (he even brought weed over one time oh boy) he's like an uncle to hugo and is always happy to help and defend his best friend no matter what

He views him as a brother and family member aswell as a very optimistic chill dude and will jokingly refer to him as "the merchant"

Sugar: irl she's zacharie's gf (before her he had 2 toxic exes and she helped him out of those toxic relationships) she and the father don't really talk all that much so he knows little to absolutely nothing about her aside from the fact that she likes to talk funny sometimes and is really into dolls and aliens and a slight addiction to eating pixie straws (straws filled with powered candy or sugar)

He views her as a silent person nothing much

The elsens= they are the people that the father meets/sees/interacts with everyday/every once in a while but don't have much of a connection with (you know like a co worker you have small talk with or barely ever see)

Now for the plot :

After the father enters a comma the son starts to go from school to the hospital (they're very close to each other and you can say hugo is 5-7 years old and ) and visits his dad everyday and calls out to him hoping it'd wake him up

The mother scolds him for running off without super vision and that his dad won't wake up if he keeps calling him that whatever he does is useless that his father will remain to be a lifeless bag of meat on a bed

Hugo doesn't give up ignoring his mother's words

She realizes that hugo has an obsession with his unconscious father that is affecting his studies along with his social life

Zacharie doesn't make this any better because he offers to pick up hugo after school to prevent him from getting abducted or lost along with his jokes all the time

She slowly starts to Contemplate turning off the life support machine wondering if it would fix everything

Hugo hasn't been paying attention in class and thier marriage has been having a issues lately her family never liked or accepted him she sees zacharie and others as annoying and problems bringers and maybe they'd have less expenses if hugo didn't have to go to baseball pratice every day not to mention he'd less likely get hurt if he stopped playing

Everyone else started to convince her to turn off life support they discuss this next to the unconscious father

She prevents zacharie from seeing hugo and locks out any other connections the fatehr has

finally she becomes convinced however there's 1 barrier preventing her from doing that.....Hugo

The only person who truly gives hugo attention and love is his father without his father he'd feel lost and scared his mother is always working and doesn't give him much attention

Everyone tells him to give up on his dad and move on but hugo stands his ground

Alot of the arguments and conversations happen in the hospital room next to the father so he hears everything in his comma which leads to the creation of the world of OFF in his head

Therefore we play as hugo through out the game (dressed in a baseball outfit) solving puzzles and fighting enemies "purifying" the world

Not much changes the boss battles the add ons etc. Will remain the same in this au

Maybe there will be more rubber duck /duck/ bird themed stuff in this au aside from the pedalos (ex:move the boxes to make them look like a duck idk lol)

However the final boss will change

Canonly batter is stopped by the judge but in this au the judge sides with hugo because its the queen (the mother) who is trying to turn the switch off and hugo is trying to prevent that

So instead of the judge stopping hugo

Hugo will meet the queen, she will tell him to halt and not bother going any further that her intentions will not change hugo will begin to tell her off everything she's done wrong she will respond saying that she's doing it for thier sake (Hugo's and her's) but hugo calls her out and tells her its not true and she loses her patience with him leading to a boss fight if hugo wins then she will refer to him as "my little sweetheart" and fade into dust

"The room" will also change instead of hugo it'll be his dad (the batter)chained to a wall (basically a prisoner in his own mind) hugo will take 1 step forward activating a trap causing him to plummet down a tube and fall unconscious for a few minutes

When he wakes up he sees the queen and all the guardians standing before him the queen states that he can give up or die trying then she speaks to the puppeteer (the player) the you are given 2 options

1.aide with the queen

2.side with hugo

If you side with the queen you will have the guardians ok your side then Hugo's appearance will change as well he will appear to have a large head with a huge gaping mouth a baby rattle and apron and speech bubbles that say "wah wah" "whine whine" (stating that his mother sees him as a cry baby)

If you defeat hugo then the switch is immediately turned off and it gives 1 out of the 2 bad endings this ending is called "check mate" as a reference to a queen from chess

If you side with hugo then you will be defeated but you won't get a game over yet instead the queen will give you 1 last chance

Then you are given 3 options

1."surrender" 2."gasp for help" 3."cry"

If you choose surrender then you will get the 2nd bad ending in which in life support is turned off the father dies hugo becomes lonely with his mother busy all the time (and not allowing him out side the house and not trusting people) which leads to hugo growing up cold,plain and unloving

At some point there's a scene where adult hugo stares at his old mother laying on the kitchen floor in pain for a few minutes instead of helping her immediately indicating that he doesn't care

If you choose "gasp for help" then you will get the good ending "aye batta batta,strike!" In which hugo will call for help (while in deep pain from the fight) after a few calls judge,zacharie,sugar and a few elsens will come to the rescue and revive you fighting by your side allowing you to defeat the queen and guardians

Everything slowly starts to go back and the father wakes up from his comma everyone in the room stares in shock but hugo had the biggest smile on his face while standing next to his dad's bed "did...I miss something?"

"...daddy *breaks into tears*"

The 3rd ending called "better late than never" is triggered when you choose "cry"

Hugo will cry very loudly

The mother changes her mind and doesn't turn off life support but hugo stops visiting his dad and similar to the 2nd bad ending hugo grows up to be cold and unloving 13-16 years later hugo visits his father again and he finally wakes up from his comma and is discharged from the hospital after 1 year of rehabilitation therapy

By now the mother had remarried and the father missed his son's childhood so now he has to relive his life

However hugo meets a girl who is a complete opposite to him at work and church (rainbow hair,optimistic,enjoys music of various kinds,loves cute things,baking,jokes,and artist etc.) And is forced to work with her as well as she tries to get Hugo's attention so he asks his father for advice on how to get rid of this woman which leads to alot stuff going on and hugo allowing how to love and live life leading him to falling in love with the girl and becoming a new man

(This is personally my favorite ending lol and I MIGHT write fanfic of it on wattpad or here idk tbh )

Anyway this my OFF au I GUESS the name can change to the ON au or OFF/ON au lmao idk

Reblogs and feed back is appreciated

PLEASE DONT STEAL MY AU i worked hard on this thing spent 5 hours to write it all

Heh I sat this as of anyone is even gonna read whatever I dount it'll get noticed at all

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years

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Ali & Ronnie

Ali: [The day of but later] Ali: I convinced that man not to press charges or anything, the one that got involved Ali: so you don't need to worry about that Ronnie: wasnt Ronnie: tell someone who is Ali: 'course Ali: talking isn't the most useful thing for me to do right now so I'll pass Ronnie: go be useful then little girl Ali: I'm sorry he brought you Ali: that's fucked up Ronnie: course you are Ronnie: youre all well sorry now like Ali: For you, not myself, or ourselves Ronnie: no shit pity works with the rest of your brothers and sisters Ronnie: youre fucked up Ali: How so? Ronnie: show and tells over Ali: I hope it made you feel better Ronnie: bullshit Ronnie: none of you give a fuck how I feel Ali: yeah I do Ronnie: wheres it been Ali: you're meant to wait for the kid to make the first move, that's rule #1 Ronnie: if you wanna play by the rules Ali: so I've lost points, that's fine Ali: you don't want us to care, right? Ronnie: the way your family is im almost old enough to be your ma Ronnie: bit fucking late yeah Ali: You do have a solid decade on her, yeah Ali: I'm a late bloomer, clearly Ronnie: ill leave it to her to be proud Ali: a big ask, but I'll survive without Ronnie: like I said Ronnie: fucked Ali: Yeah, a fair bit Ali: nothing to shout about, or that hasn't been now Ronnie: you wanted a first move Ali: It was a choice Ronnie: nah Ronnie: a reaction Ali: That too Ali: like I said, hope it was what you needed it to be? Ronnie: ask him Ali: you just did it for Joe? Ronnie: why else Ronnie: none of you mean shit to me Ali: but he does, yeah Ronnie: connect the dots Ronnie: I bothered to carve each one out Ali: I can tell he loves you Ali: do you love him Ronnie: hes that fucking soft Ali: you do Ali: alright, that's something Ronnie: fuck you youve known him all your life and you dont Ronnie: theres no telling me how I feel Ali: I don't know him or I don't love him? Ronnie: have it both ways Ronnie: he tells it either way Ali: I probably don't know him now Ali: I'll allow that Ali: that's how he wants it so you don't have to defend him like I'm saying I do Ali: or that I'll force it, when he's been so clear Ronnie: hes the last person I can be arsed to defend Ronnie: but no shit he gets everything he wants Ali: What were you after Ali: we disown him Ali: or strongarm him into rehab and therapy Ronnie: yeah Ive got everything crossed for sobriety Ronnie: fucks sake Ali: disowning then, he's done it to us Ali: it won't happen the other way 'round, sorry to say Ronnie: give him your fucking sorry Ronnie: he was the one begging me to ruin it all Ali: close enough that he should still be happy Ali: I'm not sorry for him Ali: I already said, he shouldn't have used you like that Ronnie: thats what happens theres no fucking 💘 and 🥀 Ali: no one deserves that Ronnie: I am no one Ali: You aren't Ali: don't have to be Ronnie: people like their junkies part time or useful or repentant Ronnie: fuck that Ali: that's not your whole gig Ronnie: you don't know shit Ronnie: youre not under my skin or in my head Ali: I know enough to know that's bullshit Ali: if anyone was just their addictions and vices, you wouldn't need them Ronnie: yeah youre the smart one Ronnie: he told me Ali: He's the one at the fancy arts school Ali: how does he reconcile that with being the junkie one Ronnie: youre 16 theres no uni thatd take you yet Ronnie: happy birthday for whenever the fuck it was Ali: Thanks Ali: about a month ago Ali: extend the invite next time Ronnie: dont Ronnie: I wont show Ali: you haven't heard how great my parties are yet Ronnie: I aint a childrens entertainer Ali: be cool if you were Ali: have a heart attack when you showed up Ronnie: next time I need a few quid ill try and remember Ronnie: make you proud of me Ali: probably leave that to Joe, and your friends and fam Ali: but I know how to make balloon animals so hmu Ronnie: course you do Ronnie: youre the target market for hippy crack Ali: awh Ali: how true Ronnie: no shit Ronnie: how long you been in the youngest ones adhd meds Ali: not really my thing Ali: need to calm my brain, not stimulate it harder Ronnie: 💔 Ali: how'd you know about that Ali: doesn't seem like the sort of pillowtalk he'd be about Ronnie: i was in care i know what an kid with adhd looks like Ronnie: and theyve tried to diagnose me as everything but a west little bastard Ali: he's shit scared right now Ronnie: be fucked if he werent Ali: yeah Ali: he doesn't really know Joe Ali: was like 4 when he went to Uni so Ali: proper boogeyman shit Ronnie: mckenna will love that Ronnie: real boner for the misery Ali: someone should get something out of it Ali: he can pay for his therapy later Ali: more meds, whatever Ronnie: ill tell him to put in his will Ali: try not to die Ronnie: itd be the ultimate misery boner Ronnie: why should he stop getting what he wants now Ali: yeah, you do love him Ali: but hate him too Ronnie: 💘🥀 Ali: Is he worth it? Ronnie: youre describing freckles and the princess you know that yeah Ronnie: me and her dont share every dysfunction Ali: Nah, they don't hate each other Ali: loads of other stuff, people Ali: very them vs everyone Ronnie: she hates that she needs him Ronnie: that he makes her soft Ronnie: close enough Ali: You reckon? Ali: Hmm Ronnie: first rule of tortured kids club Ali: it's why she loves him too Ali: you'd understand if her sister had been there Ali: she's got no one to make her soft, I tried but Ronnie: gutted she werent there then Ali: you wouldn't like her any more than she'd like you Ali: it'd be fitting, but no fun Ronnie: thats the fun Ronnie: I hate you all Ali: I see the appeal Ronnie: have a go Ronnie: hate me Ali: I see your appeal Ali: why would I hate you? Ali: Fraze does and he's having the least fun of all Ronnie: you see what you fucking wanna Ronnie: youd have to know me to know if I had any appeal Ali: Then I'm a spoilt hippy brat, as you like it Ali: you'd have to do worse for me to hate you Ali: not my MO Ronnie: not wasting another flight on it Ronnie: kill your own ma Ali: then I'm good for it Ali: sorry again Ali: you did what you set out to do, making me 💔 wasn't part of it Ronnie: stop fucking apologising Ali: it offends you? Ronnie: I did what mckenna cant do for his fucking self being a useless pussy from cradle to grave Ronnie: he is under my skin and in my veins like it or not Ali: yeah, and my apology is worth a damn when you've got problems that big Ali: alright, I won't say it no more Ronnie: if it was for me Id have done it at 10 14 fucking 18 even Ali: 'course, you got fucked over at birth Ali: no other straws needed Ali: his is more of a slowburn of bullshit Ronnie: yeah Ali: I don't know what he's told you, or how much you care about it Ali: but they've always been like it, Fraze too Ali: we have no idea and they went through so much more Ali: but Joe's only got 5 on me, so that says all you really need to know Ronnie: thats lads for you Ronnie: cant handle any pain unless they glorify it Ali: or co-opt it Ali: if you don't wanna be like them, tell him to get his own Ronnie: Im not like them thats why he likes me Ronnie: it aint my winning smile Ronnie: helps that I look like you and your ma course hes that sick Ali: He's hated them both ever since Bea came around, then when we moved her, like it was for her Ali: he's spoilt, like you said Ali: but I really think he is sick, too Ronnie: no shit Ronnie: were both sick Ali: yeah Ali: maybe you'll wanna get help someday Ronnie: for what Ronnie: theres no happy ever after here Ali: to not be sick Ronnie: nice try little girl Ronnie: not gonna get cured Ali: yeah, well has to seem better than sick Ali: that's a big ask Ali: I can't imagine not getting to do the drugs I do, and that's everyone Ronnie: it's like being in a relationship yeah sometimes it makes you feel good sometimes it dont Ronnie: cant fix shit though Ronnie: the rots too deep and its already set in Ronnie: long before I took a hit Ali: That's medication for you Ronnie: thats pain for you Ali: Yeah Ronnie: if I cant cut it out Ill cut her out of me Ronnie: her face outta mine Ali: It's DNA Ali: everything and nothing Ronnie: if she's in my blood ill spill it all Ronnie: theres fuck all point keeping it on the inside Ali: It's a waste of you Ali: the you that ain't her Ronnie: I am the waste Ronnie: ive had enough kids scraped out of me it aint hard Ali: She believed in the happily ever after you don't Ali: more fool her Ronnie: she got it Ali: she wanted it with you Ronnie: bullshit Ali: She did, she loved your biological dad, basically as many years as she'd been about Ali: she didn't just not get an abortion because she was scared Ronnie: she wanted it with him then Ronnie: I was along for the ride til I got dumped out Ronnie: if she wanted me id fucking be there Ali: she could've tried Ali: yeah Ali: you would've got taken away though Ronnie: so what Ali: just that, she wasn't allowed to keep you, she was a 14 year old with no parent, they'd have separated you and put you into different care homes Ali: happened to her friend Ronnie: I was a 14 year old with no parents either Ronnie: and a 4 year old Ronnie: 4 months Ronnie: however the fuck far back you wanna go Ronnie: I still found ways to get shit that I wanted Ali: Yeah, I know Ali: you had enough to eat and a bed with a roof over your head Ali: you wouldn't have if you'd had her, if that was even possible, somehow Ronnie: no I fucking didnt Ronnie: not always Ali: if you were in a home Ali: more than a squat where no fucker pays the bills or gets groceries over smack, you know the situation Ronnie: I know it helps her sleep at night Ronnie: this story Ali: you don't have to add it to your narrative if it fucks with your peace Ali: ask Joe Ali: if he reckons he remembers everything back in Liverpool, he'll remember Ronnie: I dont need to ask him cos his story is that she blinked and her life was so fucking sorted that she pushed a shit ton more kids out Ronnie: where the fuck was I Ronnie: nowhere Ronnie: youre my fucking replacement is why Ali: she could've got you when she got Bea and Ro Ali: I don't know how old you were then, 13? Ali: they might've said she was sorted enough, maybe Ali: it was more, this girl has been abused and you're a friend she trusts who is willing to foster her so let's shove her at you and get her out, it wasn't happy families Ronnie: no need when theres already loads of shiny white kids to mother and 2 less shiny to play saviour too Ali: I could ask Ali: I was a toddler, and it wasn't my bedtime story too, believe it or nah Ronnie: luck of the irish Ali: I'll take 50% Ronnie: her sob story is as fucking useless to me as mckennas misery boners are Ali: 💔 Ali: very convincing performance in that case Ronnie: fuck you Ali: why Ronnie: if you have to ask youre not listening Ali: I meant the part where you necked on with him Ronnie: why not Ali: 'cos his boners are a letdown, obvs Ronnie: I dont need him to make me feel good Ronnie: and he fucking wishes he could do as good of a job as the shit that does Ali: thank God Ronnie: he wanted the shock factor thats me baby Ali: assumed that was his intention Ali: he stopped showing up as himself ages ago though, that was, not more shocking but impactful, let's say Ali: if he wasn't so obviously out of it, he might've known that we knew Ronnie: he wanted to stop showing up full stop Ronnie: til he gets shipped back in a ⚰ Ronnie: and reckoned thatd be the final nail for you all us fucking Ali: and us younger ones are dramatic, hilarious Ali: who doesn't want to get away from home? Ali: Tommy has been since he was 11, Bea went to Cambridge, Ro will too, Fraze only didn't because Bea told him he wasn't allowed to follow her Ali: I'm planning on Singapore, myself Ronnie: hes too pussy to handle being away from me Ronnie: or what I get like when he isnt in my fucking face Ronnie: that bit wasnt about you lot as much like Ali: it's how it goes Ali: that's why people get knocked up, get married, get fabulous careers, so you can have an excuse for why you can't make this weekend, will try to pop in for this event but end up just sending a card Ali: it's weird it's you, of course, you're both sick, duh, but look at it objectively Ali: it's your version of 2.4 kids and a dog Ronnie: he dont want me to slit my own throat or anyone elses but his more fool him Ronnie: cant knock me up or marry me thank christ Ronnie: I like that the dog is smack thats well poetic Ali: I'll have a go at writing it Ali: if you want a null and void illegal wedding too, I'll write those vows and all Ronnie: ill stick it in a song if you want better than happy birthday Ronnie: fuck that i belong to no one Ronnie: theres loads more fun illegal shit to do Ali: you write songs too? Ali: just don't let Joe play cello on it Ali: if depression had a 🎵 Ronnie: id lose money if i begged with him Ronnie: fucking hell Ronnie: looks pathetic enough but thats all Ali: very child actor vibes, or rockstar's kid Ali: you had it all and you pissed it all the wall Ali: not here's a couple of quid for a warm cup of coffee and a sarnie, no Ronnie: i can see his face hearing that Ronnie: id have to take a brick to it Ali: yeah, he probably hates me Ali: not as much as Fraze, didn't have the toddler clout to make us move to Dublin, bit rude Ronnie: you're in his way Ali: of what Ronnie: 💉 Ali: that's his hangup Ali: like I said, no one is forcing him to do shit here Ali: guilt's part and parcel of 💚 and 💉 ain't it Ronnie: youre not telling me shit I dont know Ronnie: hes the one shitting himself hes gonna get chucked in rehab Ronnie: nobodys coming to take me nowhere Ali: I get it Ali: she's shit at turning up Ali: tell her to work on it Ronnie: do what you want Ronnie: far as sisterly advice what ive got is dont ask me for a shot unless youre after a habit Ali: lecturing ain't my gig rn, she loves a bit of it so honestly no need when her 🧠 will be full of the 💔 Ali: cheers, I'll stick to the just saying no of it all Ronnie: get the money up front when you are gigging Ronnie: and take care of the kid when you aint Ali: I will, I do Ali: he's got a few years to grow before I'm going anywhere Ronnie: yeah Ali: and my wife might stay and they're best friends Ronnie: she was the one trying to rival us for most high Ali: ✌💚💉 Ali: it was a party before you walked in Ali: which I'm aware was very much the idea Ali: can I give you a tattoo I'm good Ronnie: go ahead Ronnie: not gonna be here long like Ali: where do you wanna meet, my rig is way portable Ronnie: [a place nearby wherever they are cos god knows but I doubt Joe wants to see Ali and she aint gonna tell him that's where she's going LOL] Ali: 👍 Ali: about 25 on my 🚲 Ronnie: reckon i can stay alive til then

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