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awlumii · 1 year

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while sitting with kazuha during his break one afternoon, you're struck by a memory. it's an extremely fuzzy one completely unrelated to the task you're completing, but it flashes before your eyes anyway.

you're sitting on the bleachers in your school's gym chatting with some friends about the test you have next period. was it a history class that you had after this? one of your friends moans and groans about it, lamenting the fact that he didn't study at all because he was kept up all night by your other friends.

"him and his stupid food combinations," you remember him saying. it was thoma, if memory serves you correctly. you remember how dramatic he was about the whole ordeal. "i swear, i think ayato secretly hates me."

ayaka had blushed beside you. she could never say much in defense of her brother. even though he never acted strange while she was around, she would always believe others when they said he was a menace. "i'm sorry about him," she apologized. "how about we go to your favorite restaurant after school? i'll make it up to you!"

things get fuzzier from here. you know thoma was ecstatic, but you don't remember what he said. you also don't remember what else was said after that, if anything. but once the gap ends, your memory clears once more, and you remember hearing something loud collide with something else. the impact made you and your friends flinch — it might not have been two objects, but rather an object with a person. after looking around the gym a little, you found the source.

on the side of the gym near the wall, there was a boy on his knees clutching his face. you could see him trembling from where you sat and, when you squinted, you could see droplets of blood hitting the wooden floor with a silent plip.

on instinct, you jumped to your feet and hurried over to the injured student and crouched by his side. you don't remember what exactly you said, but you remember taking note of his state of being. you noticed a basketball rolling away from the two of you. so he'd been hit by that, huh? from the look of it, the ball hit him really hard. there was so much blood – so, so much of it. despite wanting to be a doctor in the future, you almost lost your stomach at the sight of it.

your memory gets even fuzzier. the boy's eyes were screwed shut, you think. "can you open your eyes?" you think you asked him. "and can you breathe?"

for someone bleeding so heavily, you distinctly remember being a little shocked by his tranquility. he didn't even seem like he was in severe pain. he wasn't groaning, nor was he whimpering. he just sat there and cradled under his face in an attempt to keep the blood from staining the floor any further. when asked again if he could open his eyes, he did.

and you remember seeing scarlet.

your memory stops short. why can't you remember past that? it's actually infuriating that you can't remember more; you know for a fact that something happened in high school that solidified your resolve to become a doctor, and you think that that might have been it. but for such a pivotal moment in your life, you can't seem to remember any of it. why..?

"are you alright?" kazuha's voice registers then, taking you out of your thoughts. you look up from your laptop to see him already looking at you. "you look bothered by something. do you have a headache?"

you smile unconsciously. everything he does makes you smile. his worry for you warms your heart, even if there's nothing seriously wrong. plus, the fact that he's worried about your head makes you wonder if he started memorizing some symptoms of certain ailments due to your choice of profession.

you shake your head at him. "no, that's not it." you're half-lying. you do feel a pulsing at your temples, but it's not really painful. "i'm just... trying to remember something is all."

"oh? is it for classes? perhaps i can help." kazuha adjusts himself in his seat and rests his hand atop yours on the table. you spread your fingers a little and tangle them with his, sending a tingle up your arm. "what is it that you're trying to remember?"

"no, it's nothing like that..." you sigh and look at your intertwined fingers. "it's like, i'm trying to remember something that happened in high school, but it just won't come to me."

kazuha's fingers twitch. "something happened in high school?"

"yeah. some kid got hit by a basketball really hard. i know i helped him, and i know that helping him made me want to keep helping people, but i can't remember anything else. like, i don't know what he said or even what i said... i don't even remember what he looked like." at that, you raise your eyes to meet kazuha's. scarlet eyes seem so distant despite looking straight at you. actually, now that you're looking, you think he's looking past you. his mind seems to be elsewhere.

and if you were in his head, you'd know that it is. if you were in kazuha's head, you'd immediately be crushed by the immense guilt that he's harbored for years. that incident in high school was one that changed his — and yours — life forever.

insignificant as that incident may have been, your lives were never the same. as you said, you resolved to be a doctor while he fell in love with you. god, thinking about it now, he was so embarrassing in high school, pining for the one person who showed him genuine kindness after he got hurt. by that logic, he should've fallen in love with another unsuspecting soul ages ago, and yet instead, he fell for you. you, who noticed his unwillingness to show any sign of weakness and treated him accordingly; you didn't coddle him, but instead gave him gentle instruction, showing generosity where it was needed and letting him breathe when he could. you treated him like he was worth something to you, even if you didn't know his name.

looking back, you didn't ask for his name until much later in your high school years. by that point though, he'd been sent to the nurse's office countless times and encountered you even more since you were the nurse's aide. each and every time, you smiled at him like he was a friend — you even called him that once, and he'll never forget it.

"oh, hey," you said with your back turned to him, "i never caught your name. even though i've had your blood on my hands more times than i can count." you chuckled at yourself and turned back to him, your lips curved into a smile. "what's your name?"

kazuha felt breathless at the sight of your smile. his mouth formed the words to respond, but no sound came out. his mind was racing at the thought of officially being a friend to you instead of the boy you treated for injuries twice a month. "kazuha." he finally managed. "kaedehara kazuha. i'm sorry i didn't say so earlier."

your smile brightened and his brain turned to mush. "it's nice to officially meet you, kazuha."

...the joy of that day didn't last long.

when he took to the streets in his prototype spider-suit that evening after finishing his homework, his attention had been drawn to an explosion at a restaurant. when he approached the scene, he was mortified to learn that it was the restaurant that you'd said you were heading to with your friends earlier in the day; you even invited him, but he declined so he could do his vigilante work.

kazuha remembers the panic, the alarm, the horror he felt when he arrived. there were bodies strewn about, both criminal and civilian alike. paramedics and police were already on the scene, helping people, but there were still gunshots ringing out nearby. whoever caused it was still at large and not going down without a fight.

"...put them down!" yelled an officer beside him.

kazuha attached himself to the wall high above the scene to get a better look at what was going on. the criminal had taken a hostage; a teenager from the looks of it. the barrel of the gun was pressed firmly against their temple, and the criminal hollered demands in an attempt to walk free.

"if you let me walk away, i just might let them go," he'd growled. "you wouldn't want to take their future from them, would you, officers?"

kazuha had half a mind to jump in right then and there, but when he got a glimpse of the hostage's face, his world slowed to a stop.

it was you. you were scratched up and bruised, likely from the explosion, and you were sobbing. you looked torn between begging for your life and fighting, oddly stiff in your captor's arms. you looked so helpless, so afraid, knowing that your life could be snuffed out if this criminal's finger so much as spasmed.

it's then that kazuha's memory goes fuzzy, too.

obviously since you were here, everything ended fine. the criminal went to jail and the cops didn't make any efforts to arrest him as they often tried to do in the beginning. but how he managed to get you out of there, he doesn't remember.

all he remembers is that by the time the villain went down, so did you.

maybe something hit you that wasn't supposed to. when he checked you for any additional injuries, he felt a large bump and gash on your head. in fact, when he pats your head as spider-man, from time to time, he can feel the scar that was left in its place. you seem fine now, but... listening to you now, hearing that there's parts of your memory that just won't clear up... it's his fault—

"kazuha?"

this time, it's your voice that pulls him out of his thoughts. kazuha blinks twice and refocuses on you. he remembers what you said. how you don't remember what that kid from high school looked like — what he looked like. "was he important to you?" he asks tentatively. "that boy."

you purse your lips in thought. "i don't think so." you answer honestly. "that was the only time i saw him, i think." your fingers drift to the back of your head — the same spot where the scar is.

it sounds like you just don't remember him altogether. that would explain why you never bring up your time spent in the nurse together. but kazuha doesn't blame you. he can't. he only blames himself for not being fast enough — for being an amateur when you needed him the most. all he can do now is vow to never allow a situation like that to happen again. he can't lose you again — rather, he can't let you lose him again.

not again.

#[ ✍️🏽 — scribbles! ]#kazuha x reader #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #kaedehara kazuha x reader #good morning????

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