#God I've written so much

[thedo0zyslider]

ITS MY ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF WRITING FANFIC!!! Thought I would celebrate by dusting off some of my old rottmnt drafts! Today and tomorrow are turtle story days <3

So for the anniversary, I present to you:

Overtime - 5k Words

After the battle with the Kraang, Donnie finds himself feeling very overwhelmed and out of it. Leo has no problem helping him through it, thankfully.

A03 Link

Donnie sat on the broken ground, slumped in a pile together with his brothers. The Kraang were defeated now, after who knows how many hours of fighting and a pretty big number of near death experiences. Raph had just finished giving them all the most bone crushing hug, which was okay by Donnie this time, not by all his injuries. Now the three of them sat there, recovering, and trying to summon the will to move.

Mikey was still holding on to Raph, as if scared he would leave them again. Which, valid fear after today. Leo was smushed into between the latter and Donnie, somehow still conscious after the final fight. At some point their hands had found each other, as the adrenaline started to wear off, and Donnie was gripping onto his sibling like a lifeline.

As the adrenaline started to wear off, and Donnie slowly came back to his senses, he felt two things. The first was pain, and a lot of it. Everything on him hurt, and it was excruciating . All of his limbs, his shell, his sides, absolutely everything . While Leo and Raph had taken more of a beating than their younger brothers, Donnie and Mikey’s wounds weren’t anything to be scoffed at. He had a good amount of cuts, most still bleeding, and probably some internal injuries as well. If he had to bet on it.

The second thing Donnie felt was the lingering, yet still there, sensation of the Kraang. How their tentacles felt against his skin, the sliminess of it. How squishy it was and how it felt around his arms. The feeling of being mind-melded with those foul beasts.The tentacles pulling him from the ship and the horror of it all. It made the turtle want to lose what little lunch he had left in him.

He suppressed a shudder, and gripped onto Leo's hand tighter.

There were….a lot of emotions running through him right now. Fear of the Kraang, for his brothers, for himself. Still lingering and now displaced grief for Leo. The fear of losing his twin, someone so close to him. The worry for Mikey when the leader Kraang sent them flying down to earth, surely to their deaths if Raph hadn't been there. Every single bad emotion he'd felt in the past twelve hours was there too, all piled and stacked on top of each other like a torture device.

But mostly it was still grief for Leo. Which is why he'd reached for His brother in the first place, and held his hand tight. To make sure he was real, and that this wasn't some cruel dream or hallucination. Please don't be a stress-induced hallucination.

“Donnie?” Leo mumbled after a moment, looking over at his twin. “You okay?” He squeezed his twins hand experimentally, slightly worried gaze boring into the other's skin. He was still worried for his siblings, even though he was probably dazed as hell and just as out of it as they all were. The idiot. He should focus on himself first, not his twin.

Donnie didn't respond verbally, because he couldn't, but he did squeeze his brother's hand back. He buried his head further into Leo's side as well, and squeezed his eyes shut.

“Oh.” Leonardo mumbled, going a little soft. “Yeah, I think I wanna do that too.” He tightened his grip on his brother's hand a little more, hoping the action was as grounding as he wanted it to be.

“Can I keep touching you?” He asked quietly, Raph and Mikey being forgotten for a moment. The other two were still nearby, and were aware of Donnie’s condition, they were just making sure not to crowd him right now.

Donatello nodded once for yes , as they always did when one of them got like this. Two nods meant no , and three meant that you were unsure of whatever you were being asked. The system had been devised years ago, when they were much smaller, and had worked pretty well. If one of them couldn't nod, they would tap or blink or do something else instead.

“Okay…is it the noise?” He asked, brows furrowing. He moved, so Donnie was more in his lap, even if simply existing hurt like a bitch right now, let alone moving . But it let his twin curl better, without retreating into his possibly damaged shell, and hide further away from any light or noise. Oh, Leo had forgotten to ask if it was light bothering him! Dangit

His brother nodded no again, and Leonardo moved onto the next option, other than the light sensitivity one. Donnie was also breathing normally, as far as he could tell. Which was good. So he wasn't having any kind of attack like Leo silently feared, something had just pushed him over the edge and finally overwhelmed him after all. “Do you need silence? Or is it the light?”

It took Donnie a moment to think, to really listen to see if the sound is bothering him. He doesn't open his eyes to test the light, so it's probably not that. Even if Leo couldn't have done anything about the sun, except for hiding him or getting him indoors quickly. After a minute, Donnie shakes his head no once more, and Leo yet again moves onto the next option. Which he will keep doing until he finds the reason for this.

And if there's no clear reason, he'll sit on this stupid island with his twin until he starts to feel better.

“Pain? Something else?” He hums, taking a quick glance of the wounds he could see on Donnie; the medic side of his brain already starting to fire up. Donnie nods twice for yes, and Leo gets his answer. And thankfully it's something that can be solved, relatively soon too if they're lucky.

“Mmm, okay.” Leo chirped, wondering if the pain was in his shell. He had heard something about it being exposed at one point, so it was a possibility. Hopefully, if it was, it wasn’t too bad of an injury. That was probably the case, considering how sensitive that part of him was. “Can you walk?”

Donnie does three nods, saying he doesn’t know, and probably doesn’t want to find out. Or leave his twin’s side. In response Leo just makes his voice sound as reassuring as possible, and promises something that’s pretty impossible right now. “We'll just carry you back to the medbay then!”

“Leo, you're too injured to even walk! You can't carry Dee too!” Raph protests, taking his eyes away from Mikey; who has now gone to inspect the oldest brother’s injuries in return. The Raph Cassum is already starting to form at the thought of the very injured Leo carrying his brother, and the leader can do nothing but sigh at the overprotectiveness. At least it wasn’t misplaced this time.

“One problem with that, hermano , he’s stuck himself to me.” Leonardo huffs, ghosting his free hand over Donnie’s battle shell. He knows it was replaced mid fight, and is now checking for breaks in the material. And if there was a break or two, he would check for any blood and cuts that might be exposed with it.

“Guess Raph’ll just have to carry you both.” The oldest grumbled, already looking prepared to scoop half his siblings into his arms. Mikey looked like he wanted to help as well, and then seemed to remember the state of his hands with a rather large pout. Poor little guy.

“Woah Woah! Are you sure you can handle that? You just had Kraang inside you!” Leo protested, finishing checking the battle shell. There was nothing wrong with it, but Donnie surely had injuries elsewhere. Not that he could see them, nor would he move his brother to do so, but Leo was pretty sure that some blood had been dripping on him slowly for the past few minutes. Blood that wasn’t his own. Fuck.

Raph snorted, and shook his head all determined like. What a big teddy bear he was, truly, especially for the three of them. Though he would never be quick to admit it.. “I've carried you guys home through worse!”

“If you say so….” Leonardo murmurs, narrowing his eyes. He was sure Raph hadn't carried them home through worse, even on the worst days of their childhoods. But arguing with his younger brother was not worth it, especially when they're both injured. That's something Leo has come to realize as of late.

Mikey interrupts their conversation with a loud noise. He bumps shoulders with Raph best he can, all excited over something. “Guys! April's texting me!” He nearly yells out, fumbling with the buzzing phone now in his hand.

“Your phone's still intact!?” Leo exclaimed, a slight smile starting to form on his face. His phone was absolutely broken, even despite Donnie’s expert tech, and had no idea what their other siblings' phones looked like. Probably not in good condition, if he had to bet, and didn't think that Mikey's was any better. “It's like, indestructible or something!”

“Yeah it is!” Mikey says, a smile faltering as his gaze moves back down to his phone. It looks almost…painful to hold it, with all the cuts and scrapes lining his skin. “I can't really…use my hands though.”

“Gimme the phone!” Leo said, making grabby hands the best he could. Well, more like a grabby hand , since Donnie was gonna be holding his right one for the foreseeable future. He was sure Raph could've typed to April just as well, but he was the leader now. And he didn’t want to worry Raph with the responsibility of arranging a meetup, not anymore then he'd burdened his brother already.

“M’kay!” Mikey said, reaching over Raph to hand it to him. The oldest brother let Leo handle the rest of their family, and turned to Mikey instead. Raph went to look at Mikey’s damaged hands, while Leo opened the phone and the messages that had been sent. It was a lot of April yelling at them in worry, so he chose to read only a few that he could give a concrete response to. And ones that would get them all home faster.

Apes: MIKEY!!! ARE YOU GUYS OKAY!?? WHERE ARE YOU!?!?!?

Mikey: HI APRIL this is Leo!! We're all alive. Micheal can't use his hands and Donnie’s a little overwhelmed, plus my whole body hurts and Raph’s like half blind rn.

Mikey: we're on staten island (ew) and Donnie’s clinging to me like a koala. And also we might not be able to walk

Apes: me and splints will come get you in the van

Mikey: thanks. Where's future boy?

Apes: he found us dw

Mikey: okay tyy. See you when u get heree <3

“She said her, Dad and Casey will come pick us up!” Leo said, looking up from the screen. He distantly saw April reply with a <3 of her own, but his focus was already away from the screen for the next little while. “You don’t have to carry us after all Raph!” He went to throw Mikey’s phone back to him, but then remembered the hand problem. Instead he gave his little brother a sympathetic look, and pocketed it himself instead. Mikey just gave a nod, and glared sourly down at his injured limbs.

“Uh good,” Raph mumbled, a little sheepish. “Because I wasn't sure I could do it.” He rubbed the back of his head, and Leo just snorted with light amusement. Good to see Raph back to his typical overprotective brother stuff, even after they had all almost died.

Leo gave an eye roll at that, and looked back down to Donnie. He would let Mikey respond to that for now, he had a younger twin to take care of. “You hear that, Dee?” He muttered, noting how his brother seemed to be listening in, despite his state. “April's coming to get us. And dad.”

Donnie hummed in acknowledgement, and lifted his head up. He was tired of hiding it like a baby. This also meant he had to open his eyes, and readjust to the dying daylight around them. But it wasn’t as bad as the aches and pain and the gross feeling that’s still all over him. He doesn’t really move from where he sits in Leo’s lap, nor does he speak, but he does look around while they wait for April and the other two. Mikey ends up sitting in front of all of them, looking for any matching scars they had from opening the portal. Well, all but Leo, who used to look on with an indescribable look on his voice. Donnie made the mental note to pick his twin’s stupid brain later, because they were all going to have to talk about it eventually. Even if none of them really wanted to…

It’s not long before the Turtle Tank has made its way onto the island, no doubt having to move carefully around all the rubble. It’s really impressive how fast it got there from town, actually, considering Leo had texted April less than twenty minutes ago. But regardless, three familiar figures step out of the massive van; Splinter ends up with Mikey and Raph, while April crouches in front of the wins after basically beelining for them. Casey just stands away, unsure what to do with himself for the next few minutes.

“Is Donnie okay!?” April asks, crouching on the ground next to the boys. She gives all of them a worried look, but especially Donnie, who is still hiding his face in Leo’s plastron. It probably makes him seem more injured than he appears, even to someone as close to him as April. Heh, if she only knew the beating Leo had taken just before this, girl would lose her mind.

“Yeah. Just overwhelmed.” Leo says, making no move to shift the other off of him, not yet anyways. Donnie gives her a wave, and she returns the greeting with a small grin and a wave of her own.

“Oh, okay.” April sounds a little relieved, before quickly turning to go and bark orders at the future boy. “Casey! Help the others, will you?”

“Yes ma'am!” The boy in question responded, doing so with a salute. The gesture looked like it was how he always talked to April, like it was muscle memory for when she told him anything. Another weird future habit they’d have to slowly beat out of him over time, Leo supposed. If he even stayed with them after this in the first place.

Leo and Casey exchanged a quick glance before the latter walks off, and well…it was sure something. He seemed familiar with what was happening, and with the way he never got too close to Donnie; like someone who’d never seen him like this might. He had to wonder if the future version of his brother had these moments in the apocalypse, and how frequent they might’ve been on top of that. He wonders if there was anyone that could help him like they’re helping Donnie right now. Leo really hopes that there was.

“Do we have any medical supplies in the van?” April asked, probably because of the state all of them were in. Nevermind what injuries her and the other two possibly had. Though they surely weren't as severe as Leo or Mikey’s, the wounds were still bound to be pretty bad regardless.

“I think D put an emergency first aid kit in the back.” Leo mumbled, shifting a bit. He sensed April was ready to get them all inside the tank and off this island. To be honest, he was ready for that as well. Also, Donnie was kinda heavy and laying on injured limbs, no offense to him of course.

April nods, and prods Donnie lightly in the leg. The latter rolls his eyes, and pokes her back playfully. “Okay, let’s get him in there then.”

Leo hums in agreement, near relieved to maybe finally have another person’s weight off his fucked up legs. Even though he would do all that again in a heartbeat if he had to, almost dying was just a real bitch. “Are you okay with being picked up, or can you walk?”

Instead of nodding, Donnie just decided to get it over with. He took a deep breath, before forcing himself to his feet. April jumped in surprise, and made sure he was steady on his feet. Though Donnie did have to lean on her shoulder just a little. When he was all good, April reached down to help Leo up.

The other twin took her hand gratefully, knowing he couldn’t really walk more than a few feet. All that stuff about carrying Donnie earlier had been fake bravado, mostly for his siblings sake. So they wouldn’t worry as much, so they wouldn’t know how much of a beating the Kraang leader had given him. That all seemed stupid now, because they could all see the way he was practically carried into the turtle tank like a child.

Once they’re inside, Donnie points to where that supposed medpack is. April nods, and sets both the boys down beside them. She halves whatever medical supplies are hanging around with Casey, and the two of them get to treating the injured turtles. Splinter drives, because other than April, he’s the only one who knows the route home. Donatello goes to curl in on his brother again, still having a rather tough time, despite the now dimmer light of the turtle tank. Though he doesn’t get to stay there for long, as April crouches in front of both the twins expectantly, first aid supplies in her hand. Ones that will have to do it for now, before they can get back to the lair’s medbay and properly treat their wounds.

“Can April patch you up?” Leo asked, moving so April had more room to sit in front of Donnie, but not enough to let go of his twin’s hand. The other still didn’t say anything, just nodded furiously and made a noise in the back of his throat. A very clear yes, considering it was the sensations that were overwhelming him in the first place. “Okay!” April said, her voice calm and steady. Like a real nurse or something like that. Something she’d be good at. “This’ll only take a minute okay? Just uncurl yourself?”

“….ine.” Donnie mumbled. He meant to say fine instead of whatever he’d muttered out, but the f sound had not come out. The turtle was still a little overwhelmed it seemed, even if it was slowly getting better. And by slowly he meant very, very slowly. He was hoping the first aid would help speed that process up.

“Hey, he’s back.” Leo teased, nudging him very softly in the side.

Donnie rolled his eyes and huffed, all his words coming out properly this time. Thankfully, them not doing so made him sound stupid. He hated sounding stupid. “Can it, Nardo.”

“You know you love me!” His twin shot back, a cocky look on his face. If Leonardo wasn’t in pain, he would probably be throwing an arm around the others shoulder, to be even more obnoxious. It was his specialty, after all. “I’m still mad at you, for the record Leo.” April pipes up, having carefully wrapped one of the larger cuts on Donnie’s arm already. She’d taken it without asking, well used to patching up her boy's dumb wounds. The disinfect stung as it always did, but it was better than leaving it open. Donnie knew that, though he still hated the extra flash of pain it brought to him in the moment.

Leo looked down at the tank’s floor, maybe a little sheepish, or guilty. Key word being maybe . If Donnie knew his twin, and he liked to think that he did, he probably didn’t regret that self sacrifice much at all. The dumb-dumb. “Yeah, I figured.”

“I gotta patch you up as well?” April sighed, scanning over Leo’s wounds. The external ones anyways. The tank goes over a bump, probably a piece of debris or something, as April moves onto the several cuts on Donnie’s arms. All either from the falling glass, concrete or whatever else. The others are having a quiet conversation, just like their own, on the other side of the van. Donnie is enjoying the reactive silence a lot more than he probably should, heart still aching from earlier.

“Heh, probably.” Leo hums. Donnie’s hand never leaves his, and hasn’t this whole time, even when he squeezes it hard in pain. Enough to hurt his twin. Yet they both sit there in silent companionship, as they are healed and driven home, surrounded by their big dumb family.

A few hours later, they’re all home and rested. The turtles are all hauled up in the medbay for who knows how long, injuries and broken parts of them being fussed over. April doesn’t leave, standing over Casey’s side as he treats them all. It makes sense the kid is so good at this stuff, since he survived the apocalypse and all. Though eventually Donnie, who’s still not done winding down, requests a separate room. Or at the very least his bed be put further away. He doesn't want to inconvenience anyone while they’re properly treating Mikey and drugging up Leo so he’ll sleep for once, but he doesn’t want the noise to upset him even further. But no one seems to think it’s an inconvenience, and April moves him away from the worst of it, as far as she can.

They sit together for a while, just sitting and laying together, before April has to go home. Her mom is worried sick about her after the recent attacks, and is blowing up what remains of her phone. Three of them do have to basically shove her out the door, threatening to sic Draxum on her, but she does eventually leave. Not without giving all her boys the biggest hug though.

About thirty minutes later, Mikey pops his head in. Donnie is sitting on his bed, humming and drumming his fingers against the sheets when he enters. He knows he needs to sit here to get better, and that logically doing so would get him back to inventing faster. But on the other hand, he hates sitting there with nothing to do or nothing to play with. It was driving him more mad than the lingering sticky feeling was, one that didn’t go away with most of his pain.

“Oh, Donnie! You’re better!” Mikey says, his usual cheerful demeanor a little dulled. Donnie looks over in surprise, not having anticipated a visitor. But he will use this new opportunity to his advantage, because he currently cannot walk very far. And there is nothing within reaching distance that will get the sticky feeling off of him.

He hates asking Mikey a favor immediately like this, but he thinks the other gets it. The youngest brother has his moments too, where the sensations get too much and he needs to scrub them away. Donnie would know, they both found out their least favorite textures through a lot of trial and error over the years. Like, a lot a lot. “Hi, I need hand sanitizer. Please. And something to fiddle with?”

“I gotchu!” Mikey said, and dashed behind the medbay’s curtain just as quickly as he had appeared. Maybe three or five minutes later, he was popping back in. It was impressive how fast the little guy moved sometimes. In Mikey’s arm was Donnie's preferred brand of hand sanitizer, probably straight from his room if he had to guess. There was also a chinese finger trap, probably also from his bedroom, and two stuffed animals as well.

“Where Raph?” He asked, taking the hand sanitizer and finger trap from Mikey as he spoke. He sat the fiddle toy down on the bed, and frantically opened the bottle as quickly as he could. Hand sanitizer, his sweet, sweet savior.

The younger hummed, holding both of the stuffed toys closer to his chest, probably to comfort him, if Donatello had to guess. “Resting!”

“And Leo?” Donnie scrubbed the gel-like substances into his hand, a lot harder than he should. But he didn’t care. It was making the bad and gross sensations go away after hours of suffering, which was all he cared about. As long as he didn’t rub his hands so hard he bled, the turtle would be fine .

“Knocked out on painkillers, behind that curtain.” Mikey said, moving one stuffed animal so he could point. The mere mention of Leo made his brows furrowed in worry, and Donnie filed that away for later. He would have to do a one over on his twins status as soon as he got the chance, if it was worrying Mikey that much. “He’s pretty roughed up, but Casey said he’d pull through.”

“Good.” Donnie hummed, now satfisted with his amount of scrubbing and hand sanitizer applied. He sets the bottle to the wayside as well, and turns hi attention to the toys his brother is clutching still. “Is that one of your stuffies?”

“Yeah, It’s Mr. Snuggles!” Mikey says, holding up an off-colored brown teddy bear the Donnie recognized from their childhood. It was so old the brown was turning a yellowish-orange, and its fur had to be unsoft now, but anyone could tell Mikey still loved it dearly. He holds out the other stuffed toy next, one that isn’t quite as old. It’s a purple rabbit with wiry looking fur, a pink nose, white markings and small beady, black eyes. “I thought you would like Bunbun, because he’s purple.”

“That is objectively the best color…” Donnie hums playfully, as if considering the gift. As if he would ever decline such a wondrous gift from his dearest Micheal. But he does accept eventually. “I’ll be very careful with him.”

“I know!” Mikey smiled, letting his older brother gently take the stuffed animals from him. “Mayhem tried to eat him.” He snorted affectionately, evidently having run into the little dog-mutant-pet thing on the way here. Because April had left her whole dog at the lair again, somehow. Or maybe the weirdo had wanted to stay with them, who knows. “Of course.” Donnie snorted, placing the stuffed rabbit in his lap. It was more soft and less wiry feeling than it looked, which was a pleasant surprise. He hugged the thing closer to his plastron, glad to finally have something softer than the crappy, horrible-feeling medbay blankets underneath him.

“Can I stay with you for a bit?”Mikey asked, shuffling even closer to the bed, and hugging Mr. Snuggles even tighter. “Everyone else is sleeping and I don’t wanna be alone.”

Donnie patted the spot next to him on the bed, feeling a fond smile slip past his lips. “Hop up here, Micheal.” He said, and his brother did just that, getting cozy right next to him, stuffed animal still firmly in his arms.

Mikey leaves, after a few hours of dozing off and goofing around, the best that two injured turtles can. When he does leave, it is to go help Raph and Papa with something. He says he’ll try very hard, even if his hands are clumsy and bandaged. Micheal scurries out, clearly glad to be helpful, and leaves Mr. Snuggles under Donnie’s protection for a little while.

An hour later, Leo is awake. And walking for some reason. Donatello finds out his twin is awake when he’s the next to pull their curtain back, and saunters towards Donnie’s bed like he wasn’t in the prison dimension less than twenty four hours ago. At least he thinks it’s been less than a day, the turtle lost track of time once the invasion started, and had stopped trying to track it towards the middle of their fight.

“Greetings Nardo.” Donnie says, taking in the state of his brother. This is the most injured he’s ever been, period, if the ungodly amount of bandages indicted anything. Holy moly that was…. a lot of bandages. He distantly hoped none of them were dirty, because of how hard they would all be to change. “Sorry for clinging to you earlier.”

“It's fine.” Leo shrugged, Donnie watching as his twin leaned against the side of the hospital bed. “I think I need that, something touching me that wasn't Kraang.”

“Well, I'm glad I could be of service.” He mumbles, and dangles a hand off the edge of the bed. Just like they used to do, when they were kids and one of them had a really bad nightmare. Leo puts his arm in the most comfortable position he can, and takes it wordlessly with a squeeze. “How’re Raph and Mikey? And the others?”

Leo recited their family members' conditions with a hum, telling his twin all the medical stuff he knew the other really wanted to know. “Raph has some eye and internal stuff, just needs rest and time. It's fifty-fifty on if he can use that eye again. Mikey is pretty upset about his hands, and he’ll have to relearn how to use them, but other than that he's okay physically. Casey said he had a lot worse before and that he can recover quickly, Dad just broke, like, most of his old-ass ribs, and April is in the best condition of all of us. Draxum and Cassie haven’t contacted us yet, so I have no idea how they are.”

Donnie took a second to process all of that, committing all those details to his memory for later reference and worry opportunities when something inevitability went wrong, then nodded. “How about you?”

“I shouldn’t be outta bed, but I hate laying there by myself.” Leo says, predictably not telling Donnie about his own condition and injuries. Which was fine, he’d find them out one way or another eventually. Someone needed to make this idiot rest, and Mikey and Raph didn’t have the bullshit wrangling skills you develop by being twins with Leonardo Hamato.

Donnie sits up with a huff, one of annoyance at his brother's carelessness. He’s covered head to toe and bandages, two of his limbs are in a splint, and he’s walking around like nothing happened. Does he want to not heal!? “Dumb-Dumb.”

“I know.” Leo snorted, leaning his head up to get a better glance at his sibling. “How do you feel?”

“Like shit. When're my injuries healing, dear medic.” He responded, looking down at his brother. He went to grab for the chinese finger trap Mikey had brought, knowing he’d need to stim with something to get through this conversation.

“Two or three weeks, give or take.” Donnie lets out a pained grown at hearing that, and Leo cracks an amused grin in response. Enjoying his twin’s suffering, how dare he, truly. What a cruel man he was. “At least you don't have to wait a month like me!”

“Yet you're still out of bed.” Donnie quipped back, giving the other a pointed look. He really wanted his brother to go back to bed, but knew that was a rare thing normally, and probably would be unlikely for the foreseeable future, until he was healed that is.

Leo cracks a smile, one not from joy, but something else. Something that shouldn’t be in his smile, and it hurts that it is. “Painkillers are a hell of a drug.”

“Idiot.” He mumbled, affection buried under the layers and layers of annoyance.

“I know.” Leo’s smiled faltered, and the frown that crossed his face was almost worse.

“Congrats on saving the world, by the way.” Donnie said, but the words sounded dead, even to him. He did mean it earnestly, a little bit. But he thinks the rest of him is still recovering from the…the everything and the feelings he will never know how to put into words. Because he’s bad with feelings.

Yeah. that .

“You're being nice, what's wrong?” Leo says, somewhat teasingly. He knows Donnie is upset, and is attempting the feelings talk. That’s why his tone is light, to make the process easier for his brother. For both of them. Donatello appreciates when he does that, more than he will ever, ever admit.

“I'm tired and thought you almost died, that's why.” Donnie snorted, his grip tightening on his brother's hand again. He didn’t want to ever let go, not after today, not after the prison dimension, not ever. He wanted to keep this dumb-dumb close and never let go, not until he knew they were all okay again.

Leo let a chirping sound escape from the back of his throat, as if he was trying to be soothing. It only somewhat worked, but both twins probably expected that anyways. “Ya know what, that's fair.”

“Stay?” Donnie mumbled, suddenly understanding how Mikey had felt just hours ago. He very much did not want to be alone anymore. He was finding he hated it actually, and probably would for the next little while. Without his family beside him, lord knows where they could possibly be, or if they were okay. Especially Leo.

“I think Raph would kill me if I left.” Leo giggled, pulling his one good leg up to his chest, so he could rest more comfortably. Donnie would let him on the bed if he didn’t have two splints and a scary amount of bandages that needed to be left undisturbed. “So yeah, I'll stay.”

“Thanks.” Donnie said, handing his twin Mr. Snuggles. He couldn’t keep two fluffy companions all to himself, now could he? And their owner certainly wouldn’t want that either!

“Don't mention it.” Leo took the old bear with a bond smile, and hugged it to his plastron, just like Mikey had done. Donnie did the same with Bunbun, and let the now comfortable silence fill the medbay once again, for what had to be the fifth time that day. Normally, he would hate having no sound, but some days, like today, it is nice to just hear nothing. To just be .

Donatello squeezed his hand once more, and Leonardo squeezed it back, just like he always did.

#How has it been a year wtf #God I've written so much #rottmnt donnie #rotmnt #rottmnt #rottmnt leo #rottmnt mikey #rottmnt donatello #rottmnt raph #rise tmnt #rise of the turtles #rise of the tmnt #rise leo #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise donnie #rise raph #rise april #ron.writing #ron.fic

[strrwbrrryjam]

either treat abigail, molly, mary, with respect or die looking down the barrel of my gun

i'm being one hundred percent serious when i say i'm tired of people disregarding and disrespecting them to uplift their queer ships. it's bad and it needs to stop.

like i just read a jovier post where they have john cheat on abigail?what the fuck man.

his love for her is unwavering and he is incredibly committed to abigail, he's so devoted to her, working so hard to create a life for the three of them. john is willing to lay down his life to protect his family, and he does so, rescuing them is his whole motive for seeking redemption in the first game. he would never disrespect abigail like that, he's learned and grown, he's no longer the shithead deadbeat dad when jack was young, he loves her.

arthur still so clearly loves mary, his love remaining steadfast and unwavering even years after their broken engagement, it's so obvious on his face when he looks at her. his heart still yearns for her that when she calls, he comes, even if he's a little miffed at the start, he still goes. honestly, i believe if arthur didn't have other commitments in the gang, he would have run away with her when she asked him.

and while molly and dutch's relationship is tumultuous and dutch absolutely does not deserve her, molly is so important to dutch's character and the story as a whole. molly's loyalty to dutch highlights dutch's charisma and the ways dutch inspires loyalty throughout the gang. her existence also depicts the internal conflicts dutch has and the moral uncertainty of dutch's actions. her presence within the gang and relationship with dutch represents the internal strife and conflicts within the gang, highlighting the human cost of their choices and the sacrifices that are made in pursuit of a false freedom in the old west.

and let's not even mention the treatment eliza, annabelle, bessie and even susan receive, which is hardly any mention at all.

eliza, annabelle and bessie each play small but significant parts to not just their respective partners, but to the story as a whole.

eliza shapes arthu’rs past and motivations. her tragic death, along with their son, isaac, has a large impact on arthur and his present relationships, such as abigail and jack. their memory serves as a driving force of arthurs path to redemption.

annabelles fate fuels dutch's vendetta against colm and the o'driscolls, and adds personal stakes to the gang as a reminder of the consequences of their life as an outlaw.

and bessie, oh bessie, not only does she add depth to hosea and represents hosea's wishes for a more peaceful life, but hosea loves her so much that when coming to terms with his inevitable death, whether by gunshot or sickness, the mere chance of reuniting with bessie brings him so much comfort, despite the fact that he fears that bessie lives above, while hosea will be traveling down below.

susan is a very controversial character due to her treatment of the women in the gang and her murdering molly, who did not betray the gang, both of which i do not condone, but it is impossible to deny her importance to the story. not only was, from what we know, dutch's first woman, coming before annabelle and molly, she also served an important role in the gang, acting as an authority figure, maintaining order and discipline within the gang where tensions often rise. she serves as an emotional anchor, which is incredibly important when death is constantly looming over you and adds so much depth and complexity to the story of rdr2.

when you ignore and disregard these characters you are undermining the depth and the richness of the story, each of these characters are important to the story. if you wish to truly appreciate the storytelling of rdr2, it is important to recognize and respect each of these characters.

#i know i've said this before. several times in fact but this keeps happening and people are not learning #listen i love charthur so so much. i have written multiple posts about my love for charthur. #i have studied every interaction every compliment every argument and yet. and yet. i still respect mary because i know how important she is #to not just arthur but to the story of rdr2 itself. representing hope and redemption and personal growth #im not as big as a vandermatthews fan. like i ship it sure - but god please learn to respect molly annabelle and bessie. especially bessie #the characters importance does not disappear because you want them too #respect them like you would any male character #rdr2 #red dead redemption 2 #rdr2 abigail roberts #abigail roberts #rdr2 molly o'shea #molly o'shea #rdr2 mary gillis #mary gillis #rdr2 susan grimshaw #susan grimshaw #rdr2 bessie matthews #bessie matthews #rdr2 annabelle #rdr2 eliza #rdr2 isaac #rdr2 hosea matthews #hosea matthews #rdr2 dutch van der linde #dutch van der linde #rdr2 arthur morgan #arthur morgan #rdr2 john marston #john marston

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

On Kurapika's Self-Imposed Isolation

While I recognize that probably everything I'm about to say is going to be super obvious, I just wanted to briefly touch on Kurapika's self-isolation, and the reason behind his not picking up his phone or exchanging anything more than clipped words and business after Yorknew.

I think the obvious answer is that Kurapika doesn't want his friends in harms way, or to be used as a bargaining tool against him. This is an understandable and probably accurate conclusion. After all, Gon and Killua did get taken hostage, and Kurapika was forced to negotiate an exchange. Chrollo picked up on Kurapika's "weakness" right away - that he values his friends' safety before his revenge. Fortunately for Kurapika in this situation, Pakunoda was a whole lot more similar to him than he would've cared to admit, as she placed a value on Chrollo's life even though everyone in the Spider was intended to be replaceable. So, now that he's been through Gon and Killua having potentially gotten killed or seriously hurt, and Chrollo knows that he has a soft spot for them, it does make sense that he would try to push them away for their safety and for the sake of not having an exploitable "weakness" in future. He may also not want to burden them more when they have their own lives to live - he does slip off without telling Gon and Killua for the sake of not distracting them from Nen training, after all.

Except that he already tried all this earlier in Yorknew arc. He tried to tell them they shouldn't get involved, and they all agreed that the risks were massive - but his friends agreed to undergo the risks anyways to help him. Kurapika was even grateful for it - "I have been blessed with good friends."

So, for him to push them away solely for this reason after the fact, knowing that this was very much a likely situation to happen, is a little odd to me. Kurapika knows full well that Leorio would be frustrated, Killua would be offended and Gon would worry. So, I think there's a little more to it than that, and I actually would venture to say that "keeping his friends out of danger" is more a secondary reason for his actions - one that would come across as more of a reasonable excuse to others.

The primary reason is likely a lot more selfish than that. Kurapika has to ensure his mission comes first. And unfortunately, he is fully aware that his path and choice in abilities is deeply self-destructive.

Kurapika needs to make sure that he doesn't have exploitable weaknesses, sure, but he also just as much needs to purposefully worsen his headspace - and he can't do that with those three around.

Think back, what are the happiest moments we see from Kurapika in the series? The one that comes to mind first, and the one I'm sure most of us will think of immediately, is this:

[ID: A screenshot from the 2011 anime adaptation. Kurapika smiles - he looks at ease. End ID.]

It's one of the sweetest scenes of the series imo, right before the whole group is reunited for the first time since the Zoldyck Family arc, and it's even more notable because it comes immediately on the tail end of this...

[ID: Three panels from HxH Chapter 101. Kurapika removes his contacts over the sink. His expression is distant. End ID.]

...and this...

[ID: A panel from HxH Chapter 101. A close up of Kurapika's vacant and furious expression, his eyes wide and dangerous as he says "It might as well be you." Though the art is in black and white, it's apparent his eyes have gone scarlet. End ID.]

...and this.

[ID: A panel from HxH Chapter 101. A distant Kurapika speaks on the phone on a rooftop at night, the cityscape of Yorknew around him dark, but speckled with lights and stars. He says "The Spiders are dead." His face is not visible to the reader. End ID.]

This is, up to this point in the series, Kurapika at his lowest. In contrast to Gon, who is happy to hear that the Spiders are dead already because now Kurapika can focus solely on finding his peoples' eyes, Kurapika... is clearly not happy - and that's because killing the Spiders himself isn't just revenge. It's penance. It's survivor's guilt. Kurapika's powers, which Izunavi even comments sound much like he is chaining himself in the process of chaining his enemies, are oh-so-beautifully prophecied to destroy him - and Kurapika was aware of this from the moment he set off down this path of revenge.

(As a side note, this is why I'm really hoping we see Gon and Kurapika interact again after the Chimera Ant arc - while Gon has always been pretty attentive to Kurapika's emotional state, in Yorknew, he lacks a true understanding of why Kurapika would go so far... but as of now, he understands rage fueled by guilt and grief all too well. I know we're all rooting for Leorio to reach Kurapika, but barring that, I really think Gon could get through to him - after all, they are similar in several ways, and I find it fairly apparent that Gon reminds Kurapika of Pairo.)

But back to the main point here - I do suspect Kurapika expects (if not wants) his revenge mission to destroy him. I think a lot of times, we forget just how young Kurapika is, and how much his character is dictated by honour, and the abandonment of it.

Certainly, he can and will go against his principles for the sake of his mission... yet, almost paradoxically, he's bound to his promise to his fallen clan; a promise to avenge them made in anger.

But Kurapika... doesn't come across as a naturally angry person to me at all.

He seems like the stoic, vengeful type on his initial introduction... and then we get his panic at Gon's recklessness

[ID: A panel from HxH Chapter 2. Kurapika and Leorio wear matching expressions of panic in front of Gon, calling him out for his recklessness. End ID.]

...and his near-immediate forgiveness of Leorio after getting the first inkling of his character - of someone who cares just as fiercely as he does.

And after that point? Almost all through the Hunter Exam? Kurapika smiles so readily at them. He's sharp and funny. He mediates at times, but is stubbornly prideful in others. He's very amused by his friends' antics, and it really does seem like he starts to enjoy himself, with them. And, more than that, he counters Leorio's initial impression of him as an independent loner - on several occasions. He decides to follow Gon because Gon intrigues him. Asides from Gon, it is Kurapika who is the most unwilling to fight each other at the bottom of Trick Tower. Kurapika who makes the first move to team up with Leorio, even though that arrangement benefits Leorio much more than it does him. Kurapika who refuses to abandon Leorio to his fate in the cave, and who checks on Gon after noticing his bad mood. Who was furious enough watching him get beat down by Hanzo that his eyes went scarlet for the first and only instance outside of Spider mentions and Emperor Time. Who quite readily detoured to help rescue Killua.

[ID: Three screenshots from the 2011 adaptation Hunter Exam arc. In the first, Kurapika smiles at a sleeping Leorio. In the second, Kurapika stifles laughter as he pretends he's asleep. In the third, Kurapika has an open-mouthed smile as he acquires the airship tickets for them, Leorio and Gon standing behind him. End ID.]

Look at him! He's so bright! So happy!

...too happy. Too happy to do what he promised himself he would do. And that's his biggest fear, isn't it. Without his rage... what is he left with?

[ID: A panel from HxH chapter 2. A close up of Kurapika's eye as he says "I do not fear death. What I fear is that my rage will one day fade away." End ID.]

Kurapika is far, far less mired in anger when he's with his friends. I actually dare to say that at certain points, he was able to go for lengths of time without thinking much about it - alternating between almost forgetting in one instance and being hit like a sledgehammer on exposure to a reminder in the next. This violent swing is... actually the beginnings of the natural process of healing from loss and trauma. But to Kurapika, who's made a promise to his people's memories, this is not a relief. This is betrayal.

I think that actually scares him, that he can almost picture it. A life beyond his guilt. That he, too, could learn to be happy, even after unimaginable loss.

And so, as Kurapika continues his mission offscreen, finding more and more gruesome reminders of the cruelty inflicted on his people and losing more and more pieces of himself in the process (in his own words, no less), he prioritizes his responsibility to them, and pushes away his distractions. He cannot be a soul at peace until his work is done; he must be in turmoil. He pushes people away who he cares for, and binds himself, and keeps his people's eyes on him, quite literally, because respite, for him, is unacceptable. Perhaps that guilty part of him even hopes, by the end of this, that his soul will be so unrecognizable as to be fundamentally unsalvageable. But the truth of the matter is, or at least what comes across to me, is that Kurapika cares much more fiercely than he hates. He knows what matters most. And for as long as he does, he still hasn't truly lost himself.

[ID: A panel from HxH chapter 350. Kurapika looks down at baby Woble with a gentle, yet complicated expression. The inking is somewhat softer. End ID.]

Kurapika's soul is kind, really. And it wants to heal - but for the sake of his mission, he needs it damaged and bleeding. And so, he forces himself to exist in that pain. All alone.

[ID: A panel from HxH Chapter 344. Kurapika, dressed in a black suit, sits with his back to the reader, looking down at a photo in his hand. He is slumped a little before the church vigil he has prepared, all his clan's eyes lined up in their jars and honoured with flowers and candles. He thinks to himself "There is no home for me to return to... and nobody to welcome me back. I have nothing left." End ID.]

#thank you for coming to my ted talk on how kurapika is worsening his own mental health as well as physical health on purpose have a good day #oh my god this took me so long but it was worth it!!! #actual analysis!!! it's been so long!!! #anyways i'm far shakier on my hxh knowledge than other fandoms i've written meta for #so i hope this makes sense. i appreciate additions to it just please be polite! #i also believe that togashi's writing lends itself to multiple interpretations that are equally valid. so much of this #may be my own takeaway. but i do think there's enough evidence to support it #well. i hope you guys suffer... i mean enjoy. #storyrambles #hunter x hunter #hxh #hxh meta #kurapika #call me ace detective the way i am ace. and also a detective #<-analysis tag i missed you

[crispycreambacon]

[Image Description in the Alt Text]

Ever wondered what happened to the puppets stuck in the Wondrium Arena?

So did the Professor and his meat shield/bestie westie, Ryan. Instead of waiting for an answer, they planned to get the puppets out of there. They even argued with God over it, or rather the Professor did since Ryan was too mentally out-of-it from the absolute absurdity of this situation.

And what did God give to them in return for winning the argument? A bus. To drive to the Wondrium Arena with. ‘Cause what better way to rescue a bunch of dead puppets than crashing a bus into their purgatory?

— ☆ —

I'm happy to announce the release of my first AO3 fanfic: Seatbelts, Everyone!

As you can see from the blurb above, it's a one-shot crackfic about the Professor and Ryan rescuing the puppets in the Wondrium Arena by crashing a bus into it. 'Cause why not?!

This fic has it all! We got:

Ryan learning how to drive a bus via WikiHow!

God being the absolute worst!

Silly puppet interactions!

Existential crises occuring throughout the fic!

An honestly heart-warming ending?

Y'all the line between silly jesting and sincere genuineness is so blurry in this fic. So if that all sounds like a jam of a time, you can read the fic via clicking here! Or clicking the title. Or searching up "Seatbelts, Everyone!" by crispycreambacon on AO3.

Thank you so much for checking it out! And even if you don't, I hope you enjoyed the comic. May you all have a fantabulous day!

#this comic took 10 HOURS but it was so worth it #I had a lot of fun drawing the expressions and giggling at myself while I poorly photobash to create the backgrounds #THANK GOD FOR IBISPAINT X FREE ASSETS FR FR #Not this God this god is an absolute bastard #(affectionate but still a bastard) #I missed making comics so much you have no idea!! #So proud of myself for completing this fic.. it's been so long since I've written a full story for fun #also fyi we have TWO non-binary icons (affectionate + derogatory) in this fic #the Professor and God #I'm sure you know which one is which :}}} #okay rambling over lemme uh #puppet history #the professor puppet history #the professor #ryan bergara #ryan beef boy bergara #shane madej #estranged producer shane madej #watcher #watcher entertainment #watcher fanart #art #artists on tumblr #fanart #chris p fried art #image described #chris p fried writings

[worshippdsun]

i do not apologize for this (except for the dimensions, but that's bc this is my phone homescreen now)

#digital art #worshippdsun art #artists on tumblr #worshippdsun #fan art #digital artist #q star trek #character: q #star trek #star trek the next generation #the next generation #tng #oh god i don't remember if i've written down my plans for how i'm gonna tag star trek #fuck it we ball (will tag every variation i usually use) #star trek tng #st tng #star trek fanart #god i love q so much i'm SO abnormal about him #john de lancie gave us everything w/ him #absolutely unfathomable levels of cunt-servitude

[gardenofnoah]

all the times i told you

part 1

i’m thinking this will be a sweet little multi-parter about being so in love it makes you sick. featuring katsuki, obviously. i want to keep this going throughout the year, finishing next new year’s eve. real full circle with it. we’ll call this a milestone post for 1k ♡ wc: 1.3k. cw: gn reader, timeskip!bkg (time passed is vague), fluff

you think you should’ve listened to him.

the bar is loud, and you feel the beginnings of a headache at your temples. the arms that cage you in from behind are a comfort, and you lean your head back to knock against a solid chest.

“y’alright?” bakugou murmurs into your ear over the chatter. you turn your head to look at him, pouting a little.

“wish we would’ve stayed home.”

the smirk stretches slowly over his face and you pout harder at the way he cocks an eyebrow at you.

“didn’t y’beg me to take you out for new years?”

your eyes narrow at him and you press your head back into him, head butting his chest half heartedly. huffing when his grin widens.

“but i miss our couch,” you whine, eyes closing when you feel him bend down to press a kiss to your temple.

“let’s go then, crybaby.”

you perk up immediately, pulling a laugh from him as he grabs your coat from the back of your chair, holding it open for you to slip into. you pull him out of the bar and into the cold night without fanfare. his fingers tangle with yours and he pulls your hand into his pocket, squeezing gently. you feel like skipping down the sidewalk.

“slow down,” he grumbles, after nearly tripping from the way you all but drag him toward home.

“speed up,” you retort, grinning at him. you let out a little yelp when he jerks you backward into his chest by the hand you lead him with, putting you in a headlock. it’s all to make you laugh and you slip out of it with ease, darting behind him.

he groans when you climb up him and cling to him like a koala.

“now we’ll never get home.”

“hey!” you yell through your smile, flicking his ear. he grumbles but continues walking, hoisting you farther up his back with a strong grip under your thighs. you lean down to rest your head against his shoulder, and he turns to kiss your face. it’s quiet then—the silence is savored between you as bakugou walks. there are a few people on the sidewalk, but most are inside, huddled around bars or tv sets at home to bring in the new year. the more you think of it, the more ridiculous you feel for wanting to be anywhere but the home that you share.

you make it there after 15 minutes of walking and he carries you through the front door and to your living room, dropping you unceremoniously on the couch. you lay down and stretch out along the length of it, wiggling a bit to get settled, and he watches you in amusement. there’s a soft smile on his face that’s reserved for you, and it feels more like home than any place ever has.

a moment passes and he joins you, manhandling you a bit to wedge himself underneath you. with a fair amount of grumbling from you, he settles you onto his chest and you don’t admit that it’s comfier now, opting instead to splay your fingers out over the expanse of his chest and listen to his heartbeat.

“what do you think?” he asks after a moment, speaking over the quiet hum of the new years broadcast on your tv.

“about?”

“this year.”

you hum, considering the question. “you were a good hero this year.”

he scoffs, “course i was—what kind of shit is good? i was the best.”

you roll your eyes at that, laughing softly. it didn’t matter how far he was from his time at UA—the bravado would never leave him. the hero dynamight was a force to be reckoned with.

but when it came to matters of bakugou katsuki, the confidence wavered—however minutely.

“you were a great partner this year.”

“ah,” he sighs, pointedly looking at the tv and away from your gaze, “could’ve been better.”

“well sure,” you pause, feeling the length of his collarbone under the pads of your fingers. it strikes you as odd how fragile the bone is—even in someone as seemingly unbreakable as katsuki. “so could i. it’s a good thing we have another year to work on that.”

that pulls a huff from him that you know is a laugh. “thanks, smart ass.”

you both focus on whatever band is performing—outside in the cold—from the warmth of your spot on the couch. it’s quiet for another moment before you speak.

“i mean it,” you say, quiet, “you’re good to me, katsuki.”

you feel a warm hand at the small of your back, reveling in the trail of goosebumps it leaves in its movement to the nape of your neck. it settles there, and his fingers squeeze gently in an acknowledgement of what you said. you’ve developed your own sort of language over the years—you find that the little acts of affection from katsuki feel far more impactful than words ever could, most of the time.

but sometimes the words wash over you like a wave and you couldn’t fight it if you wanted to.

“love you,” he whispers, and you feel it everywhere. it makes you want to bury your face in his shirt, or maybe in his skin—to get a close as physically possible and then closer still, just to be near the heart that’s claimed you. to cradle it in your hands and keep it safe for him, because he’s trusted it to you.

but that would embarrass him, probably, so you just whisper a love you back to him and rub your hand over the spot where it lives inside him, content with the knowledge that it is yours, however far from you he may be.

basking in the fact that he is right here with you now.

“do you have any resolutions?” you ask, fully expecting something along the lines of to keep being the best god damn hero this country’s ever seen. something to cut through the weight of the feeling that hangs above you both. 

to your surprise, he’s quiet. he drags his thumb up the side of your neck and back down again a few times, before he takes a breath in.

“not really. i, uh—” another pause, another breath, “i want to start thinkin’ about what’s next. you know, for you and i, or whatever.”

you’re not really surprised—it’s been several years of you being together—but you’re endeared by the way he is so obviously nervous right now, despite that.

“yeah?” you ask, tilting your head to look up at him. it’s a moment before he’s able to look down at you and meet your eyes.

“yeah.”

the hand on your neck moves forward and he brushes a thumb over your brow bone, holding your face to where it rests on his sternum. his heartbeat flutters against your temple and you are overcome with the feeling that there could be no other place in the world crafted just for you like this one has been.

“do you have one?”

“hm?”

“a resolution.”

“oh,” you let out a little laugh, a little bashful at the way he smirks at you now. you haven’t really thought about it—neither one of you had ever really been big on resolutions, but it feels a little different now. like it’s less of a goal you have to set and more of a transition into something that’s already begun—the resolution, then, is just a way to lean into it. 

“I want to stay here with you,” you murmur, meeting his eyes again, “i want you to ask me that again next year.”

“not much of a resolution then,” and there’s a soft smile stretching across his face, “you were gonna do that anyway.”

“no,” you tell him, turning to press a kiss to the palm of his hand, “it’ll be different.”

he’s quiet then, focused on the arch of the curve above your lip, pressing his thumb to it gently.

“yeah,” he rasps, “it will be.”

read part 2 here

this fic belongs to me (@gardenofnoah). i do not allow anyone to repost, edit, or reproduce this work.

#oh this is going to be the most indulgent thing i've ever written for SURE #god i love him so much #i have no idea where this is headed so. buckle up ig #bakugou #bakugou katsuki #bakugo #bakugou fluff #bakugou fic #bakugou x reader #bakugou x you #mha bakugou #my hero academia #bnha #bnha bakugou #bakugou x gn reader #bakugou katsuki fluff #timeskip!bakugou #fic: all the times i told you

[lunarharp]

into the deep end - 30k T orufrey fic, focusing on memory trauma, disability, and romance.

the sweet oblivion of the victim, the poisoned freedom of the other.

for one moment - it had felt like two parts returned - the needed reunion of two disparate halves. no more secrets, no more pain.

the moment you get to give back what you never wanted to take. that moment, under the night-blooming flowers, when they had both let out the same single broken sigh of relief.

but they were never whole to begin with, were they?

qifrey swore he wouldn't say 'sorry' to this man any more if he could help it - sorry is cheap now. he didn't want to be in a position ever again where you only have 'sorry' left. so he just looks down into the threads of his blanket, strains his eye until it hurts, feeling his insides - his throat, heart and head - burn with pain. he expects more, but olly says nothing.

olly says nothing.

#witch hat tag #orufrey #sorry i wanted to make a new post for my fic since the first illustration is new. #*stands in the middle of a desolate field in the pouring rain* Please Read My Tale...Blease..Oh god please..*collapses to the ground* #someone asked if there's spoilers in it. Um...yes. Sorry...it's about everything #maybe i should describe it more? it's about qifrey becoming more and more disabled - as i feel is his canon trajectory #and both of them processing the choices that have been made. it was necessary for me to explore this in order to fully understand orufrey #and for them to have the cathartic conclusion-that's why this is important to me for my witch hat fanwork making life. this connects it all #and having dived into qifrey's mind and lived through oru's feelings i was able to get to a place that is possible for them. #the hit/kudos ratio is so pathetic idek what happened. ppl opening it realising its long and saving it for later or just bailing lmfao #idek any more i hate advertising my writing i hate trying to get more ppl to read my long fics it's so hard 🥲 #i'm so much prouder of this than my art...i was able to sink deeply into the orufrey feelings i had always wanted to fully explore #so. it's there lol.........i reread the date/kiss segment today after trying to forget about it thinking maybe the fic is just BAD lol #and like.....nope! i like it very much and this is what i was trying to get across. and it's always there to be read by anyone who wants to #and i will always remember the bliss i felt while writing when i was just lost in their world and living as them. dear GOD i love them. #i'm grateful to myself that i put in the work and love to make this so that i can always come back to it. i wanna illustrate scenes properly #but i'm never satisfied with drawing things i've written because i just can't capture the vivid experience in my mind. maybe one day.

[khytal]

ok gamers I rewatched tristamp one more time in order to write a post about the soundtrack, and some of the stuff I found blew my socks off (even though I've seen every episode like 6 times) so buckle up because oh my god. oh my god

this will cover most of both volumes of the OST (which you can find on spotify), with a focus on wolfwood, and a little bit of vash, meryl, and the eye of michael

...and a very thorough breakdown of "drain arm" :)

notes before I get into it: -I won't be analyzing the plant song because I. already wrote an entire separate thing about that haha (a link to that doc will be in the replies section of the notes if you're interested)

-you won't need to know anything about music theory, because I'm just pointing out where certain themes come up (with the exception of "duet", but I'll explain terminology there). timestamps will be included so you can listen for them as you read

-if you're obsessed with the OST like I am, most of this probably won't be anything new x) but I hope it's enjoyable regardless

-my credentials: I was a pianist for 10 years and an oboist for 7.5 years and I only had 1 semester of intermediate music theory but I got to analyze the 1st mvt of tchaik 5 and I think that permanently altered my brain chemistry

-the tracks I recommend being familiar with to have a better grasp on this post are: -> "whistling/blues harp in the wasteland" (vash's leitmotif) -> "reality" -> "childhood memories" -> "duet" -> "human subject" (eye of michael, or EoM, leitmotif) -> "drain arm" (technically optional)

-please don't take any of my interpretations/speculation as fact! you are absolutely free to come to your own conclusions I just have a lot of thoughts about the soundtrack lol 👍

here we go :]

EP1: -you can hear a variation of the plant song in "immigrant space explorer" (0:36-1:00)

-vash's leitmotif is first heard in "no man's land" (0:41-0:48)

-only about half of "mystery man" plays, and his leitmotif (0:38-0:51) is actually cut from the scene so it's not heard at all

EP2: -"escape" has vash's leitmotif from 0:18-0:31. they also took out the lyrics in the episode's version of the track x)

-it's possible that we'll hear "might is right" or a new arrangement of it if we get to see the rest of the nebraska family in future episodes, since there were posters of marilyn. I think people largely associate the song with EG the Mine but due to the track title and the fact that it first played in this episode, I feel like it's more about the nebraskas

-I'll talk about "childhood memories" in ep12 because it's related to rem's themes

EP3: -the plant song can be heard in "compatriots" (1:01-1:11)

-"reality" is first heard here, right before the episode in which wolfwood is introduced. keep this in mind for later :')

EP4: -"undertaker" has a dissonant sax part (0:48-0:54) that's similar to the one found in "irritation" (1:05-1:11), but it's an ascending passage rather than descending. it doesn't show up anywhere else so it might become a motif we'll hear in the future, but there's no way to know until the next part is released

-"planet zaji", from 0:55-1:04, has that one part from "time left" (1:02-1:09). it's heard while wolfwood's spinning the punisher around but I think it's just something that sounds cool, and you can't really hear it anyway because of the sound effects/dialogue. if zazie gets any additional themes in the future I might have more to say on this

-vash's leitmotif kicks in in "hungry !" (0:21-0:43) when wolfwood introduces himself at the end of the episode. I really like this track I hope we'll get to hear it again x)

EP5: -I don't think there's any meaning behind "shadow" borrowing from "worms network". I'm pretty sure it was just for mood (and to be fair it is a cool track)

-you can hear vash's leitmotif at the beginning of "boy and vash". this is the part where vash is escorting rollo back to the village

-"cyborg" introduces a new 4-note pattern (0:07-0:14) that I'm calling the eye of michael leitmotif. if hearing this reminds you of episode 6 then you already understand what I mean

-"dud" has vash's leitmotif as well (2:20-2:59), which starts playing when vash is begging rollo to wake up after wolfwood kills him

-only a small part of "human subject" (0:25-0:35) is used for the final scene, right when the windmills start turning. using the EoM leitmotif as a sendoff to the empty village is. really haunting

EP6 (this is a long one I'm sorry): -the EoM leitmotif can be heard in "reborn" (0:09-0:14, but it's easier to hear in 0:26-0:30). this is the opening scene where wolfwood guns down the deserter

-they do reuse "worms network" when livio first opens fire on vash but that's more for mood in my opinion. you could say it hints at zazie monitoring the sand steamer though

-we're probably going to hear "the desert rogue" again when the bad lads gang shows up in a future episode, possibly with a new arrangement for brilliant dynamites neon (this is one of my personal favorite tracks actually. it's a shame they didn't get to use the whole thing because 0:45 to the end is really cool)

-"boyhood" contains the EoM leitmotif and it's very in-your-face in this song (1:15-2:19). in the episode itself the track gets cut at around 2:10, but in the OST the piano motif from "orphanage" can be heard one more time right at the end of the song at 2:18-2:20. which is an evil thing to do. anyway

-"nicholas the punisher" is an arrangement of "reality". let that sit for a second, maybe go listen to those two tracks or something.

okay so we can look at this in a few different ways:

-> the end of episode 3 is of course a reality check, supported by the corresponding track being titled "reality" (even though it's fabricated by nai: to suggest and then prove to the people of no man's land that vash is indeed deserving of the $$6mil bounty; and to tell vash that his presence will pose a threat to humans). you know who else is supposed to be* grounded in reality? the pragmatic nicholas d wolfwood, who's introduced at the start of episode 4 *tristamp wolfwood hasn't quite found his resolve yet, as shown by his hesitation when livio appears

-> in the scene where "nicholas the punisher" is heard, vash is insistent on rescuing livio while wolfwood pushes back and says it's too late for him. he's clearly wishing he wouldn't have to eliminate livio though, and with "reality" as the foundation of this song, it presents wolfwood's inner turmoil in a new way for the audience: vash, who is physically right there trying to persuade him that there's still hope for his brother, vs his role as "nicholas the punisher" in sound, in his mind, and the "reality" that developed along with it (death is/can be a mercy, and sometimes it's necessary to sacrifice one life to save many)

(I also want to add that while legato's dialogue shows he intended for the orphanage to be eliminated through livio's death, it seems wolfwood didn't even realize that killing livio would mean more kids would be taken by the EoM for experimentation. he thought he had to choose between livio or the children, but it was a "test" of loyalty; and legato was attempting to obtain said loyalty by force)

-> outside of the episode, if you were to just listen to this track within the OST it's very representative of his character. contrary to "undertaker", which is fairly laid-back and....honestly kind of playful (and equally reflective of wolfwood's personality, when he's relaxed), "nicholas the punisher" is a more somber and contemplative piece. the fact that it's built on "reality" already suggests that he's someone whose beliefs conflict with vash's; and even without knowing that, both of wolfwood's themes contrast with the energy of "vash the stampede" quite clearly (even if I personally don't consider that track to be vash's official theme, it's still associated with him). I think it's really interesting that vash, the quieter one, has more raucous songs while wolfwood, the one with a sharp tongue, has calmer tracks :)

you might be wondering if "orphanage" is in "nicholas the punisher" and the answer is......yes, but actually, no. but kinda if you're delusional like me. this little pattern from 0:29-0:42 in "orphanage" is found in the low brass from 0:57-1:11 in "nicholas the punisher" (although it's in a different key and has a slight variation in the 2nd half). it's not quite the same, but both phrases start by going down a half step, then down a P5 interval (D->C#->F# for "orphanage", F->E->A for "nicholas the punisher"). lastly the sand steamer's leitmotif (I guess) is also present but that's. obviously because this is happening on the sand steamer lol

-"whom to kill, whom to let live" is just a faster/more tense arrangement of "orphanage" with saxophone over it. starting at 1:07 you can hear the worms leitmotif (1:31-1:34 in "worms network")

I can't say whether or not legato is already represented in the OST because he's currently not associated with any unique tracks, but they might tie the dissonant saxophone passage from "irritation" to him. it's first heard when legato stops wolfwood from escaping the facility, and as far as I can remember it's not played anywhere else. if he plays a bigger role in the next season, which I'm sure he will, I'll be keeping an ear out for this x) (I only mention the sax thing because I don't think he's represented by the sax solo that plays in "whom to kill, whom to let live")

EP7: -a little more of "the desert rogue" is heard when the bad lads make their way onto the sand steamer but it's very hard to make out over the gang yelling in the background lmao

-we're treated to the entirety of "human subject", for the scene where livio briefly returns to himself. if you somehow weren't convinced that those repeated 4 notes had anything to do with the eye of michael, this is the last instance where it's heard: the moment livio's overcome by whatever brainwashing was used on him by the EoM

-I think most people associate "time left" with ep12 but it's first played in this episode and I believe that it was primarily composed with the ion cannon sequence in mind (though a majority of the tracks in the OST only play once for specific scenes, with some songs being cut short and getting different parts played across 2+ episodes. "irritation" and "human subject" are examples of this)

EP8: -this one's a little hard to hear because the 1st note is implied in the C drone but vash's leitmotif starts at around 0:09 in "complicity" and runs all the way to 1:06

-it's also in "home" (1:38-1:57), playing at the moment luida hands vash the red coat :)

EP9: -I've talked about this before but I really like that there's 4(?) measures of polyrhythm (2 or more differing rhythmic lines that are played within the same time signature) when vash joins in, before the brothers come together on the same even rhythm. you can see how vash's quarter-note pattern doesn't line up with nai's quarter-note triplets, and in fact, neither of them ever land or start together:

(for the sake of comprehension I wrote it out with a faster tempo to stretch the polyrhythm part over 8 bars instead of the slow tempo/4 bars. I'm not sure what the official tempo is. I think a sane person would write it at a faster tempo so that the part doesn't look stupidly cluttered but a good musician would be able to play it regardless. anyway-)

it sounds even more stilted because vash is playing on the offbeat. polyrhythm's such a great way to represent the brothers' relationship because it seems so chaotic but both lines are still in time together, following the same beats. they're so different but in the end they're still brothers who (are trying to) understand each other. and I love that vash is playing secondo, a more harmonic/supportive part, while knives has primo, where the melody/ornaments are. it says a lot about their personalities :')

since I don't know what the original sheet music looks like I can't say if this is true but you can hear that the plant song at 1:03 is played in octaves (2 notes that're the same pitch with one higher than the other). because of the nature of a duet, and the fact that this was played by the twins when they were little, the octaves were probably split between the parts. so vash was playing the lower octave of the plant song with his right hand, and nai played the upper octave with his left hand (we don't get to see this because it cuts to nai playing the song alone at that point). also: vash favors his right hand while nai favors his left

-now for something far less interesting: "last run" is a medley combining "ethics and morality", "compatriots", and "millions knives"

EP10: -"a cruel sight" seems to be unused. it was probably intended to lead into "bio-power reactor" in the scene where meryl and roberto meet elendira in the tank (given that it ends the same way "bio-power reactor" starts), but they cut it and just played a version of "bio-power reactor" without the melody

-elendira's themes ("elendira the crimsonnail" and "which is the monster?") seem to have some lyrics that're most audible in the beginning of the tracks but they're almost impossible to make out without some kind of editing software, which I don't have lol. they're already very quiet in the background and they echo, on top of sounding like they were put through autotune

also this is entering speculation territory but it makes me wonder if elendira's theme is going to evolve with her. we've seen some concept art with her having a more teenage appearance, so I think it'd be really cool if the vocals also changed accordingly

additionally she doesn't have the EoM leitmotif anywhere but she DOES have a proper 4-note chromatic pattern that descends from D in "which is the monster?" (1:32-1:35), which is the same note that the EoM leitmotif starts on. if we consider EoM's broken chromatic passage to represent the failed experiments, then elendira, with an actual chromatic passage in her theme, is a success

-"meryl's regrets" is ALSO an arrangement of "reality" :') this is the track that plays during roberto's final moment, which was. you know. the consequence of meryl running off in pursuit of the truth. the "reality" roberto had warned her about several times prior to episode 10. interestingly, while "nicholas the punisher" expands on the original track, "meryl's regrets" is a reduction--it's mostly just the baseline with some notes here and there. she doesn't have a theme yet, but 1:23-1:33 might be something we hear again if/when she gets a track associated with her

EP11: -"nicholas and meryl" is an arrangement of "boy and vash", with erhu echoing vash's leitmotif. I think it's a neat way to show through music that both of them are here because of vash :]

-the tracklist goes slightly out of order at this point for some reason. after "memory retrieval", "memory of geranium" is what plays in the final memory, when nai decapitates rem

EP12: -"memory of rem" is a combination of "childhood memories" and "memory of geranium". "childhood memories" is also found in "knives's piano", which is based on "duet". one fun way of interpreting this is that the "childhood memories" part of the duet is actually from rem, if she was the one who taught the twins how to play piano, which would make "duet" a musical representation of vash and nai's roots (pun intended. sorry). this also suggests nai misses rem, with how often he plays the piano, even if he thinks he hates her.

but "childhood memories" can also simply be seen as a theme that's associated with rem, nai, and vash's brief time together x)

-okay this is the part where I get to rant about "drain arm" because THIS SONG was literally the reason I decided I needed to rewatch stampede. I was listening to "drain arm" a couple weeks after the finale aired and I heard vash's leitmotif near the end and I was like "NO WAY!!!! HOW DID I MISS THAT"

as it turns out, it was cut from episode 12.

:)

not to worry though, I still have plenty to say about it. even if I'm a little disappointed. just. a little.

-> from 1:13-1:25, you can hear vash's leitmotif in the cello. this DID make it into the scene, and it plays when vash rises through the clouds

-> 2:44-3:10 is where some of the lyrics from vocal version of "millions knives" play: "remember how / we used to be / no turning back / sky's (skies??) falling down". although you can't actually hear the "remember how" in "drain arm" (at least not without blasting the song into your ears, which I don't recommend), it starts right when the image of vash and nai sitting in the geodome appears

-> we finally get the plant song at 3:36, when the condensed energy starts to leak out/charge. and then after it fires, but before nai dives into the beam, we hear "I still care for you" (3:44-3:52). and while it's originally from the vocal version of "millions knives", in the context of the scene I think it's a sentiment from both brothers: vash, who pleads for nai to let go and releases the energy away from him; and then knives, desperately reaching for the cube because he believes the success of his plan will ensure his family's (and especially his brother's) safety, the only ones he's ever cared about

in other words: plant song in cello = vash -> "I still care for you" -> continuation of plant song in low brass = knives. they're connected by this single sentence

-> knives's leitmotif (I didn't talk about it because it's only found in songs that signal his appearance, so it's really obvious, but yes he's got one of those) plays at 4:03 for the "nai is dead. you killed him" exchange

-> it goes back to a variation of the plant song at 4:29 (I LOVE the piano at 4:40-4:49 btw. it's so good. I could cry about it. probably)

if you've read my plant song analysis you might be wondering how to tell when it's being associated with the name millions knives instead of the plant race. since we know that a good chunk of the songs in the OST were written like a film score, the visual context (and/or the song titles themselves) can clue you in. "drain arm"'s use of the plant song is meant to highlight that vash and nai aren't human, so it's the latter

-> now here's the part that was removed, probably due to the runtime: vash's leitmotif in the cello again, from 5:03-5:09. if you revisit the part right before nai lets go of the cube, you'll hear that it skips these 6 seconds and goes straight to knives's theme ("but that's the plant song!" yes. we'll get to that in a sec). this missing bit right here?? fucks me up EVERY time. it's the most mournful his leitmotif has ever sounded, appropriately so, and it's absolutely criminal that it wasn't included. especially because knives's theme, the plant song melody, follows it up on violin as the cello continues to play a line in harmony.

and it's knives's theme because in this moment it's about him dying, not the plants. they spent a whole season tricking us into thinking that the plant song was knives's theme, and then they used it to send him off.

-> and then july city explodes o7

as much as I'd love to hear "drain arm" again for another chance to let the weight of vash's motif come through, I think it's too intertwined with this scene to be recycled. like. maaaaaaaybe they could use it for fifth moon if that's supposed to be the climax of the next part but they kinda?? already did the "fire a really big laser at the sky" thing? anyway yeah I'm totally normal about "drain arm". so normal

Extras: -the punisher and the double fangs have these cool sound effects when they transform and it kinda makes me think that their guns are built from lost tech, if the punisher's laser cannon wasn't evidence enough of this

-there's no equivalent of "sound life" in stampede, and I don't think there's going to be one. however, I do think that it would make a lot of sense if rem taught the boys how to play piano, because we could get something like:

-> rem asks vash about the plant song (the memory in ep12) -> she gives the boys piano lessons -> she helps them compose "duet"

-they didn't use "stampede out" for this season but I really hope we'll hear it in the next part. I know it's just a longer version of "escape" but it's a fun song :]

-this is. obvious but you can hear "gate" in "millions knives". no idea if they'll put "gate" into more songs, especially for vash now that he seems to have some control over it

-there's also something kinda fun with key signatures too: -> "millions knives" is in b minor -> vash's leitmotif is in d dorian (of course this changes depending on the key signature of whatever track it's used in) -> "undertaker" is also in d dorian -> I think songs associated with no man's land/humanity are usually in some dorian scale or specifically the key of a minor but this is solely based on jeneora rock since july city had its own unique theme so I'm not totally sure yet. "duet" is in a minor by the way -> "nicholas the punisher" is in d minor. if "undertaker" is tied to humanity (which is tied to vash) then "nicholas the punisher" is linked to the other side: knives, through the EoM. it adds another interesting layer to the contrast between wolfwood's two themes, but I don't consider this to hold any meaning lol -> I WILL say that b minor is the relative minor of D Major, so having knives and vash's songs be written in those keys was likely deliberate. and what makes it really interesting is that to get d dorian, you take a D Major scale and lower the 3rd and 7th notes by a half step

-I'm not 100% sure but I think plucked piano strings were used to create the low, scratchy string sound effect in some of the songs (one example is literally at the beginning of "irritation"). I think it's really cool that piano is everywhere in the soundtrack, but not necessarily by hitting the keys

-I am unbelievably excited for livio's/razlo's themes because they have the opportunity to do some REALLY COOL things with the music for them. we might not get them in part 2 (though I think we will) but whenever it happens I'll be so ready for it >:)

and that's all!! o(-< thank you for reading! if you actually took the time to go through all of this with the soundtrack pulled up, I'm. impressed. i think. anyway I'm a big fan of OSTs with strong storytelling and tristamp's OST is no exception :]

if you've got questions, feel free to ask ^^ I definitely didn't cover everything I just picked out whatever I thought was worth mentioning. which was uhhhh quite a bit x)

(also again if you're interested in reading the plant song analysis I did it's in the replies section of the notes 👍 I recommend reading it on a computer though)

#trigun stampede #gods above this is the longest post I've ever written. there's so much text it started lagging #did you know i've listened to drain arm over 100 times in the past 2 days. while I was writing this. anyway #khyt.art #(because i drew the little vash for this sdfLHGSLDJFHGS) #khyt.3gunposting

[lylahammar]

lays down on the floor

holy fuck slay the princess is so good

#I WANNA DRAW SO MUCH #GOD IT WAS BEAUTIFUL AND I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS #so incredibly voice acted and written and illustrated and EVERYTHING #probably my favorite visual novel that I've ever played straight up #and I've played a good amount #I can't really speak on this definitively bc I am not a system #but I feel like the protag was an INCREDIBLE representation of DID #and in horror???? that's a MAJOR deal in the genre that has historically misrepresented DID the worst of all #god and I am obsessed with the princess #I have to draw her and protag ASAP #lyla's talking again #slay the princess

[mattodore]

found out while putting together matthias's oc page that his name has the exact same etymology and meaning as theo's name...

i’m sure this is information matthias is very normal about…

#theo is in fact a gift from god so jot that down ! #river dipping #i've been throwing myself into oc stuff bc i'm not doing hot mentally which is... tbh when i do my best writing 😭 #none of this is new tho i wrote the bios and 'at a glance' intros months and months ago when i first made an oc page #which is why i do plan on rewriting them but for now i'm leaving them like this... so i guess the echthroi page is done? #obviously echthroi has more characters than this but i haven't taken new screenshots of everyone yet... #i put the gray cas bg back in my game a few days ago only to completely forget i wanted to take new headshots for the oc page 😭 #like these are just placeholders... i want the backgrounds to match the oc page. oh... or maybe i could just do transparent pics? #i think i remember vyx made a post abt how to do that... will look into that when i open the game again. rn i'm at my keyboard 🧑‍💻 #like i am writing new things! started a google doc for theo yesterday and have been writing on it here and there since then #i've already cried in there... lmaooo. i like oc pages for sure but i think a huge google doc is what i really need to keep track of things #i drop so much lore in tags on here and it's like! river write that down somewhere else or you'll lose it 😭 #like i fr have never actually written down any of the info i've shared on here. i've just had all this oc knowledge stored in my brain. #so i went through and copied over a tonnn of tags and posts i've made into google docs but i just know i'm missing things i've probably #said in the tags of their core tagged posts... 🧍 if my blog didn't have so many posts i'd have an easier time going through it but 🤷 #and on top of that i've been making a bunch of posts about theo and matthias on my main acc. which is like 🧍 well great now there's more #i'm gonna lose track of...... i fr have gottt to get into the habit of actually putting things down in theo's google doc!!! #i'm just trying to figure out the best way to format it all but i've downloaded a few templates that i've been messing with. #...anyway. if it isn't obvious i'm trying to get back to posting on here. i'm opening my inbox now with the intent to just. #sit here in my inbox until i can get myself to reply. lads... avpd is actually so torturous i'm not kidding. #i feel like i'm dying trying to get myself to interact with people sometimes even despite how badly i want!!!! to interact!!! #theo and me and our avoidant trauma responses holding hands and skipping around together

[littlemissmanga]

for the spicy prompts has anyone asked for #10 with Jesse 👀

Send me one of the following for a 200 word clone drabble

No. 10 is “Just lay back and let me take care of you.” OH-HO no one has and now it is officially whore o'clock!

Look I can't say WHY I get like this when it comes to Jesse, and honestly I don't think you want me to repent for the many sins that ran through my head while writing this.

He just does something to me.

Though I am proud to say I actually was able to keep this one close to the 200 word count. Though it be short, it packs a mighty punch.

Enjoy!

Pairing: Jesse x f!Reader

W/C: 269 (no I didn't plan that, yes I love it and so would Jesse)

Warning: NSFW, very spicy, Juicy Jesse got loose and made me a whore, oral (f receiving)

He had barely touched you and you were already making the sweetest noises for him. You were frantic in your movements, hands barely able to stay on one part of him too long now that he lay bare against you, finally in your arms again after another too-long campaign.

You arched against him, hips rubbing deliciously against his and causing him to curse, his already firm grip on your hips tightening.

“Careful, gorgeous. Keep that up and this will be a lot quicker than either of us want,” he warned. A needy whine broke past your lips as you strained against his grip, your hands sliding down to push against his lower back.

“Jesse… please.”

You looked up at him with those large eyes that could swallow a planet. By the Maker, he loved seeing you like this, so desperate for him, begging for him. Needing him and only him to make you feel good.

“Shh, baby, shh,” he cooed, pressing a soothing kiss to your lips before trailing his own down your neck. He quickly replaced his mouth with his hand, letting the gentle pressure ground you as his lips continued down, tracing the curves of your body to the apex of your thighs.  

“Just lay back and let me take care of you,” he ordered, not giving you a chance to resist before swiping his tongue through your folds, groaning at your taste on his tongue. He was going to take his time breaking you apart so that when he was ready to fuck you, you’d be too pleasure drunk to do anything but hold on tight.

#I don't care if this doesn't get a single note #this is the most self indulgent smut i've ever written and I love it #smut is easier in short form too #god i love jesse he's so fun to write #whelp I hope you have as much fun reading as I did being depraved while writing this #jesse x reader #arc trooper jesse x reader #tcw #the clone wars #tcw fanfic

[missingn000]

#omg i fucking finally. finished my goth fam oneshot #IT KICKED MY ASS SO HARD ON GOD #wow that was hard to both brainstorm and write. but i'm very proud of it and can't wait to post #i have ONE MORE one piece thing i wanna finish before i fully start tpg 49 but it should take me much less time #the main characters in it come much more naturally to me #well. i guess mihawk also does since i've written like 25k of his pov....elsewhere #but that fic ain't for the kiddies so i haven't posted about it here. sorry sorry #but idk i haven't written zoro or perona before and it's a really emotionally heavy situation. hard to keep them all in character #for the gravity of it + the unfamiliarity of writing them #but it's done and will be thrown into the world imminently. look forward to it

[transvaltrans]

Looking back on the books I read this year, and was reminded of just how much Megan Whalen Turner's The Thief- absolutely frustrated and disappointed me. Spoilers ahead.

To some degree, this was going to happen; the whole series has been heavily hyped up to me, it's hard for any book to live up to such lavish yet vague praise. But, you know, I actually got through most of the book without being distracted by my own expectations. It was tense, and spare- it felt like every word mattered and hinted at an underlying truth. I love when books withhold from the reader, and nudge at you to consider what might be left unsaid. And I was so, so satisfied when my predictions paid off (totally called Gen palming the stone rather than losing it).

The worldbuilding was interesting and unique, I enjoyed that the author wasn't committed to a super specific and our-world-accurate timeframe for technology, and I found the characters compelling and variable. I always enjoy travel stories, nevermind stories about thieves.

Which is exactly why I was so annoyed by the ending.

Again: I love twists. I love being able to predict them, and I love being surprised. I did not feel like any of the twists in The Thief were unearned; it's a well-composed book, with plenty of foreshadowing.

However, one of the twists, despite being foreshadowed, absolutely blindsided me- because I would not have considered it as a possibility, due to undermining exactly what had me so excited to read The Thief in the first place. Fantasy literature sometimes shies away from politics, into pure escapism and fluff. Even some of my favorite fantasy books are pretty hollow when it comes to their fundamental beliefs, and shy away from challenging the status quo- unless it's to restore old glory (cough The Old Kingdom series).

But I can almost always count on stories about rogues, and thieves, and con artists, to at least bring up the issue of class. These characters so often come from disenfranchised backgrounds, from the poor and displaced. They're street rats and gutter scum, who have clawed their way up from the bottom, and never forget where they came from- can never forget, from the way others treat them. Theft is subversive; there's a reason we won't let go of Robin Hood, but even more self-motivated thieves often have something to say about the unfairness of wealth distribution. Stories about thieves almost always have something to say about the relationship between the wealthy and the poor.

So, yeah, I was really fucking annoyed at the reveal that Eugenides was actually the Queen's cousin. That pretending to be from a lower class background was so insufferable to him; that of course he's only so educated and knowledgeable because he's a noblemen, that it was so hard for him to pretend to be stupid and crass like a peasant. That the reason he was so pissed about being disrespected by his captors wasn't because they beat him and imprisoned him and insulted him constantly, that they treated him as less than human because he was poor and a criminal, a tool for their own use and disposal- but because he was one of them, and it injured his pride- his noble pride, not his human pride- to be treated like that. Like he wasn't one of them, and deserving of their respect.

Fuck, I hate it so much. It immediately took away my favorite parts of the book- the tension between Gen and the magus's companions, the weight of the magus having been a commoner once, the way Gen constantly stuck by himself and refused to just accept his shitty treatment- the way every monarch treated him as a means to an end. I thought there would be more tension in Gen having conflicted feelings of resentment and camraderie with the magus- I thought it would pay off with either some of them acting in his interest for once, and/or some of them rejecting their freindship and leaning back into that class difference between them.

I'm not opposed to Gen having been working for the mountain kingdom the whole time! But there are so many other ways to do that- I was suspecting that someone was holding his family hostage in some way. It's easy to imagine a story where Gen is a lower-class thief, who was also being used by his own country's royalty.

But, making Eugenides a nobleman is a subversion of the classic trope- which means it's clever and interesting. Uugh. It just exhausted me, and- disappointed me. I loved so much of this book, and it had been a while since I'd read a good low-fantasy story about thieves. It was suspenseful, with rich descriptions, and interesting character dynamics. I thought I was getting something like Fly By Night by Frances Hardinge, or The Goblin Wood by Hillary Bell- not necessarily stories about thieves, but stories about the underestimated and undervalued, peasant con artists and hedgewitches. But with more of the tension and bite of your average dnd rogue getting up to stupid shit (my go-to class since I was a kid).

I totally understand why people love this book. There is a lot I really admire within it. But man, I don't think I can get over how much that final twist- not just rejected my original interpretation of the story. That's fine, plenty of good science fiction or horror does that. But that it specifically rejects the character and story type of the lower class thief. The very name of the series, The Queen's Thief, had me expecting a story about that seeming contradiction; about the power imbalance, and a constant game of cunning, of maintaining autonomy despite being bound to a royal power. And I expect there will be some of that, in the later books; it just loses a lot of its appeal, when it turns out Gen himself is a nobleman, who was doing a favor for his cousin, the queen.

I liked that the book ended with more insight into the mountainous kingdom, and Gen's feeling of belonging and pride to a cultural group everyone else had been deriding- but that didn't have to be accomplished by him being related to the nobility of that country. None of this had to be accomplished through Gen being a nobleman; it just felt like a 'gotcha' subversion, taking away, rather than adding more.

#I emerge from the mists a hater sdfghjdf #god I wanted to love this book. and I did- up until the very end. #also gotta be clear: I was not expecting The Most Class Conscious Themes- just the basic ones all thief stories dip their toes into #anyways I read this several months ago ergo me not naming the various kingdoms. because I'm lazy and just needed to get this out of me #going to main tag it because- I'm curious if anyone else felt the same way! I've seen so much love for this series on tumblr #and again: totally get why! It's well written! it's fun and compelling and tense! #but boy it was a let down for me personally #the thief #the queen's thief

[enhanced-operatives-division]

Points at you. 10 and/or 11 for starstruck?

Two starstruck asks,,,,,,joy of joys,,

Part of an ask game linked here.

#10. What's an au you have for them?

Since them meeting at all is technically an AU i have 3 different ways that they do meet up. There's the one where Juniper ends up with the agency/adjacent to and ends up working with Reggie (have written a fic with this). The next one is Juniper surviving but basically going stealth and living as normal of a life as he can and ending up meeting Reggie through chance (most recent fic I've written). And then there's my personal favourite where Reginald "You're lucky my tracking skills are still up to snuff" Crane keeping himself busy after Phoenix was MIA and finding Juniper still alive (fic I want to write but haven't started mainly because it may end up multi chapter).

In terms of more AU canon bending taking them and putting them in a completely unrelated situation...I have a guilty pleasure Warrior Cats AU for IEYTD in general. Both JJ and Reggie have perfect warrior cats suffixes in their names already (Juniper and Crane) so they're called Junipersong (charcoal bengal) and Craneflight (tabby Norwegian forest cat). It's very silly but the amount of scenes I have in my mind for it...good lord...

#11. How was their first kiss like?

Augh my friend Imp wrote an absolutely excellent fic about it (tragically in the realm of unfinished Google docs) and I'm shaking their hand about it so hard. Basically Juniper kissing Reggie but he like wasn't ready/fully expecting it and Juniper absolutely panicking because he thinks he's misread every interaction between them both since they got closer. The second one is much sweeter though,,

#realised i phrased all the fics ive written like those ghosts that haunted scrooge #ah yes the fic of starstuck past #the fic of starstruck present and the fic of starstruck yet to come. it's so dumb #and uhh for the warrior cats thing um. of course they aren't purebreds minus Juniper who used to be a kittypet (housecat) but - #- it was moreso for easy description #reggie is fluffy but he's not quite maine coonf fluffy...norwegan forest cat was a nice middle ground...still gets big guy points too #also um side note roxanix in that au um. they adopted a kit as a stand in for robutler in that au...... #also solaris is a VERY grumpy warrior turned medicine cat annnnd thats about all I have fully hashed out in my mind for it so far #im so torn abt also having triple threat.....extra large polycule where phoenix is just intimidated by the others prism is dating lmao #ANYWAYS ENOUGH ABOUT THE WARRIOR CATS AU #can you tell I have a special interest in cats/warrior cats. oh how I miss drawing cats. but I must learn people. for the brainworms...ouuu #i don't have much else to say on that second question other than....AUUUUUUGH they're so. there's so much pent up stuff. #like for JJ it's the first time he's let himself actually love another man the way he wants to while for Reggie it's a lot of - #- realising JJ is trying to be a better person while still ackowleging the fact that he did bad??? basically second chance yada yada #man. i love these two #ik im a broken ass reccord but I've never proactively posted abt them outside the last couple months and it's been so theraputic #ty for the ask it was fun :3c #ieytd #starstruck #junicrane #ask game #not tagging them specifically I don't wanna clog up tags too much #god WHY do i have such an issue eith that. mental issue. anyways

[cosmobrain00]

yk i used to be a bit more sympathetic towards mike n his fights w will until I started writing from his pov

#“GET A JOB!! STAY AWAY FROM HIM!!!” < my exact reaction writing him interact w will during a fight #I think it's still raining mike is probs the most sympathetic out of the mikes I've written #well n the lacuna mikes but yk #but DAMN i wanna shove him into a large body of water right now he needs to get his shit together #< says guy who's writing him #mike wheeler #byler #also I hope nobody takes this as “oh my god I hate mike so much he's never had to go thru anything evr.” dont be tht dramatic w this post

[meimi-haneoka]

my god what I've put myself into...

I'm writing another Clear Card Trivia post and it's getting so long that I'm afraid I'll have to split it into two 😂

Well, it's understandable. It addresses.....Sakura's growth throughout Clear Card. Yeah I really need to write this one out.

#my gosh I realized I haven't being digging into Sakura's character for long time #in the past 3 years I've been writing and reading mostly about YunaAki because they were the most misunderstood ones #but I have to say this aspect is one that needs to be explored and written out #especially now that the series is over and the picture is complete #god there's so much I want to write about but I'm just one and the things I want to do are too many #with little time and little energy #I want to write also about the things I didn't like in Clear Card #YES OMG guess what I have things I didn't like too #I just don't make a big deal out of them #cause they're a very small part compared to everything this story's got to offer