#I am not in danger of suicide don't worry

[nagitoedit]

you don't have to read this is for screaming in the void

#trying to explain that i'm struggling without saying the big most important part of why i am struggling is . #like oh i'm struggling because uh . the issues. what are the issues? well . they are issues that i refuse to elaborate on #so it doesn't help anybody. but like how am i supposed to explain to my mom that the reason i've become so severely depressed is because #i'm suicidal. like oh btw ^-^ i hate the life you gave me and brought me into so bad that i want to die. but it's no big deal so don't worr #about it. #which like that wouldn't be how i meant it at all but of course that's also implied or something #which just makes me think of other things like that if things weren't so bad id be able to get help but help is inaccessible. #ughhhh i just hate this it's so agonizing. like cant things be a little less bad. i'm not having fun being like this and people are #reasonably irritated with me because only based on what i'm willing to tell just. isn't the full story at all and would obviously just. #not make sense because i'm leaving out major parts of what's happening and why. #and tbh i'm constantly going back and forth between like. coming out as suicidal. mainly because like. well. it kinda worrying me. #because for like months now i've almost daily been fighting off suicidal thoughts and often even having suicidal meltdowns #yesterday i was standing near a ceiling fan and was like hmm wouldnt it be nice if one of the blades came off and stabbed me through #the back of my skull and killed me. but then i thought no that would be too traumatizing for my family #as if me dying at all wouldn't be. which i also thought of. idk just thinking about the idea of #i want to live but not like this. because yeah. my mom said that she thinks reading bad news is why and it's like well . of course it is #but should i just stay completely unaware of what's happening in the world. but also bad news is just unavoidable #but yeah it is why i'm depressed. climate change racism homophobia transphobia covid wars economy etc like #these are things that i can't just. ignore? and am i seriously the crazy person for being upset about these things? #well she does think i'm crazy for still being scared of the dangerous virus that is currently the third leading cause of death in the us #like last night she was like ' it's good to be cautious but you're going over board' i'm friends with people who could die from covid. #'over board' i care about them and other people and i don't want them to die. i don't want to be permanently disabled by a virus with #a 20% chance every time i catch it to permanently damage my immune system and give me long covid. <- according to cdc #but whatever. i do genuinely want mental help. i think i need s different medication or a diagnosis bc uhmmm . i am unwell #but that's expensive. #i have an appointment with a doctor today for a med check because i don't think my ssri is working . obviously #as i am as you can tell absolutely overcome with severe and debilitating anxiety and depression. lolzors #whatever. except not because ouuuughhhgh <-unimaginable suffering #mypost

[daz4i]

man you ever wanna die just so you don't have to deal with the shit that is real life

#i mean ik i don't count bc i wanna die period. but this situation makes it even more so. #which is ironic bc the problem is i am in danger lol. but statistically speaking one is more likely to get injured than killed #and that is something i do NOT want 😐 idm dying - i encourage it even. i wish i did tonight - but getting severely injured is the worst #- thing that could happen to me i think. it's actually my biggest fear. it's essentially the only reason I'm not dead yet #(bc if it weren't for that fear i would just try to kms on a daily basis lmao 😭) #I'm just... very tired. i don't wanna live in fear. but that's impossible. my only other option here is death #this isn't even getting into the everyday life shit. i was supposed to send some files to set up some medical test #but idk if there's any point until the war ends?? like i won't be getting out any time soon probably #and idk if any medical ward that isn't the emergency one would work these days. so. eh #i lost track there. what i was going at is that through all this i also have my regular pains to worry about #and ofc my regular mental shit too. I'm doing badly enough as is lmao 😭 #vent #negative // #suicide // #ask to tag #blegh. i hate it here

[cistematicchaos]

Haven't been seriously down and suicidal in a couple so I guess I was due but fuck, this sucks. Support lines help and so does knowing techniques for starving it but I wish I wasn't living with people who actively make me suicidal.

I wish I had real support here. I wish I wasn't so fucking disabled that I can't even get a job. I wish I was happier about going to therapy but instead I'm just starting to dread it because I don't want to talk about my parents, or my living situation, and I'm scared I'll fuck up and my therapist is going to realize I'm crazy or they'll tell me my parents are right about me.

I feel way better now than I did earlier but still. It sucks. I guess this is kind of like a pain flare. But in my brain. Fuck wait. 💀 It IS like a pain flare in my brain. Huh. Gonna ponder that tomorrow actually, I think that's a good realization. Mh.

#Just me #rambling #no I am not in danger #don't worry #just feeling like shit #its nothing new ;_; #suicide tw #actually mentally ill #mom bullshit #trauma time ig #personal vent #chaos is speaking #disability #ableism

[obsessivefangirl]

Oh stars my post about assisted suicide is getting on the hands of pro-life people who don't realize that being pro-choice doesn't mean thinking it is always the acceptable option but it's dangerous to put limits on someone's body

#pre-awareness it's not a human yet and is like getting rid of a plant. #post-awareness has been like. near end of second trimester (4.5-5 months) #and it's not really feasible for someone to just decide they don't want them after all. #those are the people who were excited. i am worried about putting on restrictions about how much danger is needed. #obviously some cases are disgusting and murder but we shouldn't be able to draw that line. #but the problem with assisted suicide is that unless they have a problem then they're not going to hurt anyone #and by giving them the option we are delaying help for them. #ugh. ouagh. I'm so tired.

[ineedtoshutthefup]

This week was a kill yourself type of week

#tw suicide mention #suicide #depression #like truly honestly if i was even remotely in a slightly worse mental state I would have fucking lost it #like why does everything have to happen back to back #anyways if anyone actually sees this don't worry i am not in danger of harming myself #i just feel like shit and am very tired of things going horribly wrong #stfu #mine

[itscherrylipsforme]

Everything fits into place: Oliver Quick x fem!reader

Part 1 here

Summary: After having fallen in love with you at an Oxford's library, Oliver planned everything out until he could have you wrapped around his fingers. Now that your school year is over, you have been invited to spend the firsts months of Summer in Saltburn. You were certainly not expecting what you found there, but don't worry, Ollie was already three steps ahead

Warnings: Post Saltburn fic, a little bit dark (it’s Oliver, what you expected?), age gap (he is around 15-17 years older), slightly innocent kin? (A little bit spicy, but nothing really sexual)

Requested: yes

Words: Something between 700-800 words

Author's rambles: As I have seen that people somehow enjoyed my shitty writing I decided to make part two. Hope you like it!

Masterlist Characters I write for

Likes and reblogs are appreciated ღ

I do not authorize any of my works to be copied, translated or plagiarized ✗

Oliver hadn't told you much about Saltburn, you could only gather the crumbs of information he left once in a while. A beautiful big home in the northwest that he had inherited from a woman he considered to be kind of his "second mother" after she passed away, that was all that you knew about it. Once he also he mentioned that she had met her through her son, who had been in Ollie's year in uni, that had committed suicide when both of them were young. All of that seemed like tragic memories that your boyfriend tried to bury in his past, so you didn't want to dig much on it not to hurt him.

But during the three hours long car ride that you had to do from Oxford to your Summer destination, you were expecting that at least he could describe it with more the detail. To your surprise he didn't and when the two of you arrived at the mansion he was able to call "home" now, just surprised was not the exact word you would use to describe what you were feeling. When the maid who had opened the doors of that palace to the two of you was ordered to dismiss by "Mr Quick" as they referred him, you couldn't help but ask.

"Why didn't you tell me you were practically living like a prince, Ollie?"

"Had to make sure you truly loved me and weren't after my money, darling" He answered plainly and tried to change the subject "Come on, let me show you the place"

"You know I am not like that" You protested. Maybe you wouldn't go as far as saying that you were offended, but you would be lying if you said his words didn't hurt a little at least.

You trusted him with every piece of your heart and soul. Told him all your secrets and all the times you had lost all your hope. You loved him enough to talk about it when you fell like nothing more like some broken mess that no one, not even him, could fix. And yet he couldn't do the same? Couldn't he trust enough for this until now Somehow Oliver managed to read your thoughts from the expression of worry on your face

"My beautiful beautiful y/n I am aware of It now. But trust me, I know better than anyone else how far people can go to gain power, I needed to be sure" His eyes seemed to darken a little for a few brief second lost in his mind until he came back and rested his hand sweetly on your cheek "How can I apologize to my beloved girlfriend for putting her through a trial?"

"Well, one of the few things you did tell me about this place was that it had a library" A little grin played on your lips while he held your hand and guided you through the maze that mansion was.

Four weeks later, you two were laying in the bed you have been sharing during your stay. His arm around your waist a little bit too tight, as you had learned he liked, and your head resting on the crock of his neck. It was one of those lazy mornings that you could spend peacefully in each other embrace.

"You know every day for the rest of our life could be like this" His nose and lips dancing dangerously close to your face as his hand rubbed your back up and down.

"Ollie, that was a funny one" A small giggle echoed in the room.

"I am serious y/n" His big blue eyes glued to you as he started kissing, your forehead, your cheek, your lips... "We could sooner than later. Marry, have you in my bed each morning, and maybe a few kids around if you are up for it. Doesn't it sound good for your"

"I need to finish my degree first, Ollie" His lips now on your neck, and gosh he knew pretty well that you couldn't say no to anything when he did those kind of things.

"Of course you have that, I am not saying otherwise" Actually, you didn't need to finish it, once you were his you wouldn't have to work a single day in your life. But if you wished to gain your diploma to be happy, he wouldn't dare to say otherwise. "Maybe after you graduated, what do you think about?"

You just smiled at his sweet trail of kisses, and he took it as a yes. Soon enough you would be tied forever, soon enough you would be his wife, soon enough you two would be better than the Cattons have ever been. Soon enough, everything from his plan would fit into place.

#oliver quick x reader #oliver quick x y/n

[rabbitsrants]

SHINICHI KUDO IS TOO MUCH

guys, i'm currently working on the "reasons why shinran is one of the most brilliantly written romances of all time" masterlist and i came across this part of the manga:

chapter 44

AND I AM LAUGHING MY ASS OFF

shinichi is absolutely RUTHLESS in this chapter. correct me if i'm wrong, but this has to be his angriest moment throughout the entire series? i don't remember him acting this way in any other chapter 😂 like... shinichi is the type of guy who saves murderers from suicide, it's a well known fact that he values human life more than anything, HE'S A DEEPLY IDEALISTIC PERSON, YALL, THAT'S THE MAIN TRAIT THAT DEFINES HIM AS A PERSON and he straight up tells this dude (whos about to slit his own throat btw) TO GO AHEAD AND KILL HIMSELF

this is the most unhinged i've ever seen him 😂

now, let me be serious for a second. obviously, shinichi strongly suspected that the culprit wouldnt go through with it - he spent the entire case trying to cover up his murder after all, that's not something a suicidal person does. still though. the fact that shinichi was willing to risk it says so much about his love for ran. cause that's what his rant is about. the culprit tried to kill ran on multiple occasions and almost succeeded a couple of times. if there's one thing that shinichi can not handle, it's ran being in danger. he'll lose his composure every single time and he will lash out, even at innocent people who are just trying to help:

chapter 640

this man is so devoted to ran, it hurts.

that's why im so shocked everytime the fandom implies that ran is an irrelevant character who doesnt contribute anything to the story. if (for whatever reason) ran stopped being in the picture, the story would end right then and there.

people seem to forget that shinichi has prioritized ran over cases on numerous occasions (that aspect of their relationship deserves its own post tbh, i'll hopefully get to it in the future), he completely loses his mind everytime there's even the slightest risk that she might get hurt and this case right here? chapter 44? that's the wildest shit shinichi has ever said 😂 the part about justice was spot on and very in character for him, but the rest? it was brutal... and very unlike him. which is shocking, considering that ran was completely unharmed. do me a favor and let that sink in: the end of chapter 44 was merely his reaction to the thought of losing ran - he completely lost his shit. now, if ran actually stopped being in his life? shinichi wouldn't just lose his temper, he'd lose himself.

for the record, this isnt me implying that he would go rogue or whatever. the reason why shinichi is so angry in chapter 44 is because ran is okay and tangible, so he still has something to lose. but if she was gone? if she stopped being his life? he wouldn't be angry, he'd be inconsolable. if the level of anger displayed in chapter 44 and 640 is what we get when shinichi simply worries about ran's safety, just imagine the level of heartbreak that we would witness if he genuinely lost her.

shinichi loves and needs ran so much, it's unfathomable for most people, including me. everytime i think i cracked the case and finally figured out how much shinichi loves ran, he proves me wrong. and while i think that most cold cases are a tragedy, i think im coming to terms with leaving this one unresolved. after all, love is the most mysterious force in the universe. and always will be.

visit the shinran library for more

#ran's not the only person who's difficult to deduce #shinran is too powerful #i love them #shinran #shinichi kudo #ran mouri #detective conan #case closed #dcmk #ship analysis

[luveline]

suicide warning (vent but more introspective than anything) (please don't read if it will upset or distress you, I am in no danger nor will I be in the future)

I'm sure I'll regret talking about this but I've been having this really weird feeling lately. I used to be very suicidal for a long time when I was growing up, and then it got lesser, but for a while there was nothing I wanted so much as to kill myself, and now I'm much better than that thanks to being granted the space and time to get better and the support and love of my few friends and family, but it's been on my mind a lot lately too. I am not going to hurt myself in any capacity, but I guess I feel like there's nothing for me. I used to want to die as like, a response to needing to escape, and then it was because I couldn't handle the extreme anxiety I was experiencing, but these days I don't feel I need to escape where I am nor do I get so achingly anxious, but there is this unamed absence. I don't want to move forward anymore, because I feel like there's nothing to move forward into, I think? I don't have much passion for anything but that isn't me saying I'm not happy! Because I'm so happy when I'm talking to my friend or when I'm with my sisters, but by myself I don't want to really go on. I think I'm wondering if other people know what i mean? I know I've spoken on here before about the loneliness I was suffering with, and I know now that I'm not alone in that. But I don't know if it's normal to feel this way. It's starkly different to how I wanted to hurt myself in the past. I never would, because I love my family and I don't want to hurt them, and I don't believe there's nothing to live for. But not much, either.

I'm not sure if it's dissatisfaction, or I'm just having a moment, but now I finally have all the things I was striving for but couldn't maintain when I was suicidal, a job and education and general wellness, I can't help noticing that there's still something wrong. I'm worried that it's just me, and that I'm gonna feel this way because I am this way. I'm really worried I have nothing to offer to the world or my family and I think I've been trying to compensate for that with the wrong things. Right now I am struggling to feel a connection to everything, or a desire to do one particular thing, is this a common feeling? Not to be silly but is it just depression, or is it nothing like that? I don't want to do anything anymore besides sit in bed, but I'm constantly aware of time passing, and even when I'm in bed I don't actually want to be in bed, I want to distract myself, but I don't enjoy any of the distractions. I guess, altogether, in one big sum up, I feel like I have no value as a person and that my life has nothing for me either.

Again though, I am not in any danger of hurting myself or doing anything like that and this isn't meant to worry anybody, I'm hoping someone knows what I'm feeling is all

[circinuus]

I just got this idea and I’m so excited to share it, can you do dazai with a seductive & intelligent reader who acts cheerful to deceive others with her “innocence”? How would she and dazai act, would they have intellectual talks and debate with each other on controversial matters, would they plan, observe or strategize together? Would dazai attempt to fluster her? + spice headcannons please :)

dazai with a "charming" reader

1.1k words. fem! reader

[unestablished relationship; reader is lowkey manipulative; sadly no spice bc i can't write them :') ]

❥ thank you for sharing nonnie i love the idea so much!! fingers crossed i'm going in the right direction with this.

You're no one important; a new secretary freshly accepted into the Armed Detective Agency, not any less nice and compassionate than Miss Haruno or Cafe Uzumaki's lovely waitress.

‎

You're such a sweet thing. You even looked genuinely concerned when our local suicidal man threw a suicide offer! A perfect package: You embody a charming person who is compassionate and caring to her colleagues; very devoted to her job; topped with a benevolent personality. It shows through the good-natured "How are you," the cups of coffee you fetch for everyone to start the day, and the generous offers of paperwork assistance (which Dazai failed to accept before Kunikida starts berating you for being 'too nice').

‎

You're so kindhearted that your actions seem to revolve around everyone else. But Dazai is smart enough to see how in truth, it was the other way around.

‎

You're not in the office? Everyone notices and is worried about your absence. Atsushi second-guessing himself? You're so agreeable and encouraging; so much so that he came to trust you more than he trusts himself. Is Ranpo being reluctant in a case? "Ranpo-san," you tilt your head, "This case is definitely too trivial to be handled by a detective of your caliber. But I trust The Greatest Detective more than anyone else." It didn't need Ranpo more sweet briberies to get him on and going to the crime scene.

"I stand with Kyouka, President," It was a fine afternoon in the agency. Your sentence rings firm as you make your stance beside the kimono-clad young lady.

"Surely, every person in this city has the right to amend themselves." you continue—with the usual undying conviction and hope in your irises.

Fukuzawa's expression resembles something of sharpened surprise-then wariness. Though it quickly melts away to subdued neutrality when he sees it was you—a mere kindhearted secretary—who spoke such a merciful sentence. Kyouka is accepted into the agency without anyone else necessary to speak up for her.

Naturally, defending a scared, lost, and misguided child—not innocent, but a child—was the most empathetic, compassionate thing someone can do. And yet,

"You're such a horrible person, (Name)."

Dazai Osamu's sweet smile plays a contrast against his cutting words. Several hours have passed since your little persuasion. Now you find yourselves sharing a table with the agency's ladies' man in the quiet cafe.

You shot a brief glance to the counter; it isn't hard to know Dazai had chosen an hour when even the cafe owner is momentarily absent.

"I am?" your gaze returns to his. And his brown eyes crinkle in astute amusement.

"You never really trusted Kyouka, didn't you?"

Your silence doesn't serve much of denial, so Dazai continued.

"That's smart. You speak in her favor because 'enemies' will work harder to gain 'our' trust. You don't trust her yet, but you put her in a spot where she will be more inclined to prove herself as a loyal ally."

"And maybe even more loyal than you, don't you say, (Name)?"

What's this? A question of loyalty? His implication is dangerous. But you fold your hands unabashed, resting your chin on them.

"Go on."

Dazai raises a brow. You return it with a sweet, closed-eye smile.

"You're just like a dream, Dazai," the syllables of his name pleasantly roll on your tongue. "Being understood this well—it's like a dream come true."

Your eyes lock his, undaunted. "Don't you think so too?"

Another silence, so thick and suffocating Dazai's now sharp gaze might cut through it.

"No?" a light titter escapes your throat. With shoulders not at all taut nor your gait on edge, you stare at afternoon's last rays from the quaint window of the cafe.

"That's too bad. To think I considered that suicide offer thing you mentioned when we first met. It seems I was mistaken about you."

Something about your tone isn't genuine. But what is not genuine is not always untrue.

The day Kyouka joined the agency marked the day two individuals somewhat similar, but starkly different acknowledged each other. Trust will be something more complicated to share, but that will be a problem solved by the march of time.

‎ ‎

Everyone notices how Dazai acts more amicably and clingy the day after. The attempts of flirting and flustering come back tenfold, in which you all but respond with an indulgent laugh or occasional witty words that won't get Kunikida too pressed. Perhaps Dazai has gotten more comfortable after knowing your true nature, or he rather keep you at an arm's length to keep a better eye on you. That will be a question only the man himself can answer.

‎

"You know, I've always been curious," you murmur to your flute, golden champagne swirling under the setting sun.

But the mutual understanding is present. God knows how untrusting and secretive Dazai can be with his plans. The moments you get to work together are represented by the knowing glances and silent nods during dire times when quick understandings are needed. Your relationship is delicate. There is now a degree of trust. But the two of you still tiptoe around each other, second-guessing what the other might have up their sleeves.

"About what?" Dazai, clad in a formal suit hums to his own glass, gaze still fixed on the same sunset you have in your eyes.

The three-way conflict with the Guild and the virus incident almost cost you Yokohama. One would think colleagues who worked through hell and back to save their city would have fully trusted each other by now. You got his back and he got yours; he saved your life and you saved his. But you aren't a fool. Dazai doesn't truly trust you. Dazai doesn't truly trust anyone.

"What are you looking for, Dazai? What are you looking for in this life?"

You look at his side profile. Dazai Osamu is an enigma, one you've spent so much time figuring out.

"You're looking for something. Something more than you expect. But someone must've told you the truth already; you'll find nothing. So why still persevere?"

This time, it's his silence that serves as neither a denial nor an answer.

The distant noise of the victory banquet calls; its joyous tone unfit for the heavy atmosphere you and Dazai shared. You let out a defeated exhale.

"Are you still looking for a beautiful woman to have suicide with?"

You'll let him open up when he's ready, you think. It isn't fair for both of you.

"Are you changing your mind?" He beams. "Could it be? Have you finally fallen in love with me?!"

S.S. Zelda sways gently on the still waters. Dazai's expression is coated with his usual playful facade. You hold his gaze as soon as it falls to yours. Just subtly, it slowly shifts to something more solemn.

"Who knows?" you close your eyes, lips dancing in a vixen smile.

It's tiring, but sure. You'll play this game just a little bit longer. After all, all the good things come to those who are patient.

i just realized these sound more like scenarios than hcs. welp.

♡ @ashthemadwriter

#bungou stray dogs x reader #bsd x reader #dazai x reader #dazai osamu x reader

[lvrdrafts]

Crumbs of Cinnamon, Mended Hearts

Summary: You are in the hospital after an attempted suicide but you feel less alone than ever

Pairing: Bucky x f!Reader

Warnings: Mentions of suicide

A/N: Imma make a part 4 cus I wanna make Bucky suffer

Part 1 Part 2 Part 4

You were at an all-time low, you couldn’t imagine a life without Bucky and it made you miserable.  You started to have fewer customers since the negative attitude in the bakery was not one that made people want to come back.  You couldn’t go back to your family, they thought the bakery was a bad idea in the first place and you could already imagine the shame on their face.  You were all alone with no friends, family, and work.

You didn’t have enough money to pay for rent for the bakery or your home and now you were forced to sell your dream store.  You felt as if your whole world was crumbling from one man.

Bucky had noticed your bakery had now been for sale and he was seeing you in the apartment less and less.  He was starting to worry about you but every night Diana helped him forget about those worries.  So the worry became more of a task put on hold.

You didn’t want to bear the pain anymore so you decided to end it.  You had went to the bridge at the park at midnight.  You didn’t want to be saved or seen.

You felt the whole world slow down, the cold breeze hitting your shoulder. As you jumped you felt your life flashed before you. The instant your body was completely submerged, you froze. The panic talking a complete hold of you.  You realized you didn’t want to die but it was too late.  As your eyes were beginning to close but you saw someone ,a man with wings, an angel, dive into the water.  Then it all went black and you feel as if your body has given up.

At the hospital Sam was pacing around, worried if he was not quick enough to save you.  That’s when Bucky came in asking everyone where you were.

“I’m gone for two weeks and I’m flying back home to see my best friend committing suicide.  How the fuck does that happen” Sam yells at Bucky trying to hold back his anger as much as possible.

“I fucked up.  I fucked up so bad and I pushed her away and I acted like a dick and I-“ Bucky starts ranting on but Sam ignores him.  Sam had finally gotten on good terms with Bucky but it all seemed to crumble. 

As Sam was about to comment, the Doctor came in and said you are able to get visits.  Sam rushes in to see you.

“y/n/n what the fuck where you thinking. You scared the hell out of me" Sam admitted, his voice cracking with emotion.

Tears welled up in her eyes as she replied, "I'm sorry, Sam. I didn't mean to put anyone in danger. I just... I felt overwhelmed. I don't even know how I'm alive, it's like an angel rescued me. I don't know if it was real or just my mind playing tricks on me." you chuckle laughing at that foolish thought.

Sam looked at you with a gentle smile, hiding the truth behind his eyes. "That sounds like quite an experience. Sometimes, our minds can create extraordinary things in moments of distress. But what matters is that you're here, safe and sound."

Sam cleared his throat, looking at you with a mix of relief and affection. "Y/n, I can't tell you how happy I am that you're alive and getting better. I was so scared when I found out what happened, and I couldn't bear the thought of losing you."

Sam's eyes glistened with emotion, and he squeezed your hand gently. "You're a strong person, y/n, and you've been through so much. But I want you to know that you don't have to face anything alone. I have a friend who has a friend who is willing to pay for your bakery and I can help around the bakery." Sam says putting his hand on your shoulder as you look in his eyes thinking how lucky you were to have him "You don't have to do this alone."

Sam's grip on your hand tightened, and he looked into your eyes with such intensity that it took your breath away. "Y/n, I can't bear the thought of losing you," he confessed, his voice trembling with emotion. "When I found out you got hurt I realized how much you mean to me, how much I care about you."

"I was so worried, and I couldn't stop thinking about all the things I wanted to tell you," Sam continued, his vulnerability shining through. "If something had happened to you, and I never got the chance to say it, I would regret it for the rest of my life. So, here it is: I love you, y/n, with all my heart. And I promise to always be here for you, no matter what."

"I... I feel the same way, Sam," you replied, your voice filled with emotion. "You've been there for me through everything, and I can't thank you enough for that. You mean so much to me."

Sam smiled, relief was evident in his eyes. "I'm so glad you feel the same way, Y/N. I want to be here for you"

Before the two of you could say more, Sam's phone suddenly rang, interrupting the moment. He gave you an apologetic look. "I'm sorry, I need to take this call. I'll be right back."

As Sam stepped out to take the call, you were left alone in the room with your thoughts. That's when the door opened, and Bucky entered quietly. His expression was one of remorse, and he seemed to hesitate before speaking.

"Y/N, I... I'm sorry," Bucky said, his voice filled with genuine regret. "I should have been there for you, and I should have realized what you were going through. I didn't mean to push you away, and I'm so sorry for not being the friend you needed."

You looked at Bucky, feeling a mix of emotions. Part of you wanted to hear his apology and accept it, but another part of you couldn't forget the pain of his rejection. You remained silent, not knowing what to say.

"I know I messed up, and I don't expect you to forgive me," Bucky continued, his voice filled with sadness. "But I just wanted you to know that I truly am sorry."

Before you could respond, Sam returned to the room, and you could sense the tension between him and Bucky. Sam looked at Bucky for a moment, then at you, his expression softening.

As Sam noticed the lingering tension in the room, he gently squeezed your hand and looked towards the door. "Hey, I think Y/N might need some alone time right now," he suggested, giving Bucky an understanding look.

Bucky glanced at you, his expression conflicted, but he nodded in agreement. "You're right," he said softly, his eyes never leaving yours. "I'll give her some space."

As Bucky turned to leave, you felt a mix of emotions, unsure of what to say or do. Before you could say anything, Sam leaned closer, cupping your face gently with his hand, and pressed a soft kiss on your lips.

Bucky paused for a moment, his hand on the doorknob, and then he turned back to look at you one last time. His expression was a mix of sadness and frustration, and without saying a word, he slammed the door shut behind him.

The hours passed, and Sam stayed by your side, offering quiet companionship and support. Eventually, the fatigue of the day caught up with you, and your eyes grew heavy.

"I think it's time for you to rest," Sam said softly, seeing the exhaustion in your eyes. "I'll be right here if you need anything."

You nodded, feeling grateful for his presence. "Thank you, Sam. You've been amazing," you murmured, already feeling yourself drift off to sleep.

Sam smiled tenderly, brushing a strand of hair away from your face. "Sleep well, Y/N," he whispered, his voice a soothing lullaby. "I'll be here when you wake up."

Taglist

@marygoddessofmischief @666yourmomdotcom @openup-yourmind @almosttoopizza @maddieislost @kentokaze @floralwslokicjand10 @vicmc624 @sunset90 @cjand10 @matchat3a @blackwood-bodecker-housewife @blueraspberryreader @that1nerd-20 @chemtrails-club @marvel-fandom23 @mewmeoww @niyah834 @mrs-bucky-barnes-73 @christinesdemoness1958 @matchat3a @kentokaze @mayusenpai666 @smplymrvl @chemtrails-club @emerald-writer @zeysartzone

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader angst #bucky x reader #winter soldier x reader #winter soldier x reader angst

[kerubimcrepin]

Liveblog - Dofus, livre 1 : Julith [PART 10]

These sweets are so appetizing...

Due to the way this stall looks, I am assuming that these are types of candy that ouginaks and ecaflips love, and not literal animal food. Tragic.

Things Joris wants forgiveness for: leaving a bestie with cops (after she asked him to leave), disobeying his father after he folded on their plans for 99th time, telling his father that he's CRINGE and FAIL using his real cringe fail moments, and running away while having a mental breakdown.

Danmn he's so evil and bad for this fr fr......

Anyway, I think Joris's love language is gift giving and acts of service, and Kerubim's is words of affirmation and gift giving.

(This is wild ass headcanon territory because Atcham is a rarer character, but: Atcham's are acts of service and quality time. Source? It came to me in a vision.)

The street signs in this movie are killing me.

The Dofus Pets 2 ad says Dofus Pets 2.

Cute ad! It looks familiar though...

There ain't no way that these two pieces of art don't use some of the same reused assets...., I refuse to believe in that reality.

Joris is dissociating and Khan is trying to get his dick wet. Their friendship is so special.

By the way, the fact that they cut the "Khan makes/lets Joris do underage drinking, with many horny Khan-loving women present" scene still haunts me. Why? Why must have they forsaken me this way...

I still believe Khan bought Joris alcohol on regular until the guy was finally 18. I want to live in a world where Khan helped suicidally depressed 14yo Joris have a "coffee with cognac in the morning, chicken with cognac in the evening" lifestyle, and it's like one of the reasons Joris is still alive or something.

My other thought on the topic is that Atcham (imagine him being physically 4yo in this scenario), taught Joris how to smoke cigars. And then he had the shit beaten out of him by Kerubim (also 4 years old).

This is like his 60th divorce.

And he's never even been married.

Man.

The reaction to the door opening is IMMEDIATE.

THE PLATONIC DIVORCE #61 HAS BEEN CALLED OFF. But genuinely, it's so cute seeing how happy he is...

Joris thinking these things about him is his worst nightmare. AND the little guy is in danger. So, chances are, for a few hours he spent time thinking about how bad of a father he is, and how it's his fault that Joris is god-knows-where and in danger and also HATES him and will NEVER forgive him.

AND the disciplinary action he takes is just so chill and cute... (cough-cough, my own thoughts on whether Joris was based for this aren't relevant, because 1. he ran off god knows where and children shouldn't do that, and 2. even though his grievances are valid, he did bring them up as hurtfully as possibly, with some really fucked and irrelevant things too, just to make Keke feel pain at that moment. Which is not something one should get in the habit of.)

Your agonized twitching and worried faces have both bewitched me heart and soul.

He's literally still infant/toddler sized... So small, compared to Lilotte...

Sometimes, we say horrible things, when we're angry. They love each other so much... They're both willing to look past all the imperfections.... (throws up on the carpet like a cat)

No commentary, I just like seeing him afraid.

She and Kerubim have beef, as has been mentioned in many past posts.

Bakara does her fighting with the same icy, emotionless expression, that she had during her conversation with Kerubim at the bar. This is her "I am going to kill everyone in this building" resting face for when Julith is mentioned.

Kerubim is SHOCKED by how fast she leaped into combat. Also, I want to think, disappointed. This is too dangerous of an enemy to spring into action like that, simply out of rage, while having literally no combat experience...

Because like, Kerubim and Julith are veterans of a war/multuiple wars.

While Bakara is a 20~yo, freshly graduated, alcoholic nepo-baby.

Let it be known I don't like Julith. She is a fun character to watch, but... I feel like the fandom treats her as someone who's done no wrong, despite all the evidence we are given to believe that she is a horrible person.

She was framed, and she did love Jahash, but that doesn't take away from anything else. She beat the shit out of Bakara here, even though she could have restrained her much more gently, — she dug into Bakara's insecurities and called her a poor little fool too.

I really doubt Jahash would have liked that. (Same for her plans of killing a thousand people though, so, I really doubt she gives a shit about his wishes at this point.)

She does THIS SHIT. Jesus christ! Maybe, just maybe, she would know of your feelings, because she loves him just as much? Maybe that's why she wants to kill you as much as you want to kill everyone in Bonta? Have you thought about that, you hot topic customer-looking edgelord?

Besides her hypocrisy, she was known for her ruthlessness, even before the war. There's a reason they still call her a butcher. Which is why I kinda dislike how often this stuff is swept under the rug by fans making cute content.

...I do support women's rights, but I also support women's wrongs, and Julith has a lot of those. She's tragic, but also evil.

Unlike someone like Nox, she makes no effort to empathize or connect with people who oppose her, and knows no mercy. At the very least, Nox had a twisted sense of morals, and could whip out an epic "you're just like me fr...." during a battle.

#ro liveblogs dofus #dofus #wakfu #krosmoz #dofusmovie

[aphroditelovesu]

[🍁] - ‘’Everything without you is so dull, lifeless and lonely. I will never let you go, because you are what color my life.’’ and [😰] - ‘’If you leave me I will kill myself.’’ for Peter Parker please.

❝🍁❞ - ‘’Everything without you is so dull, lifeless and lonely. I will never let you go, because you are what color my life.’’

❝😰❞ - ‘’If you leave I will kill myself.’’

tw: yandere themes, obsessive and possessive behavior, mention of kidnapping, emotional manipulation, suicide threat.

You felt uncomfortable as you felt Parker's intense gazes directed at you. You stared at him, but quickly looked away when you saw how he smiled at you. A passionate smile, his brown eyes boring into you, as if they could read your thoughts.

The stares he gave you all the time bothered you. The way he looked at you with so much love and adoration bothered you. He bothered you.

"How long do you intend to keep staring at me?" You questioned but kept your gaze down on the book you were reading.

"For the rest of my life." You frowned upon hearing that answer. But you felt even more uncomfortable because he couldn't stop looking at you. You took a deep breath, closed the book and finally looked him in the eye.

"This won't be for that long, right?" You chuckled at the look of uncertainty that formed on Peter's face.

"What are you talking about, (Y/A)? I intend to live a long time so I can take care of you and look after you for a long time."

"Hum. I don't think so. You know, heroes don't usually live long." Peter's eyes widened upon hearing his words. Did you know? Since when do you know? How much do you know?

"Y-You know?" You nodded, smirking at the look of despair on your captor's face.

"That you're Spiderman? I've known that for a long time. You know, you're not very good at hiding your identity. The love and obsessive letters I received daily and when you brought me to... this place just made me connect the dots." You caressed his slightly trembling hands.

"You can't tell anyone!" He said desperately. If anyone knew he was Spiderman not only him but you would be in danger. And he can't let you be in any kind of danger.

You huffed, getting irritated. "Oh really? Who can I tell? Huh? There's no one in this place but the two of us." A malicious idea popped into your mind, determined to play with him a little. "But imagine the scandal? A beloved superhero who kidnapped a helpless young girl..."

Parker didn't say anything, just stared at you with a hurt expression. That couldn't be true, could it? He loves you and trusts you, he knows you would never betray him.

"Please, (Y/N)... I need you to understand my side!"

You stood up abruptly, making him a little dizzy.

"Understand your side?! YOU KIDNAPPED ME! Fuck, don't you understand the meaning of that word?!" Your brows were slightly arched and your breathing was heavy.

Peter stood up too, grabbing your shoulders.

"I didn't kidnap you! I saved you!" He raised his voice, something that surprised you, as he almost never displayed anger.

"Saved me? From what exactly?!"

"From me!" He finally snapped. You groaned softly in pain as you felt his grip tighten.

"... What do you mean?" You questioned him, worried.

"Because I was crazy about you! I still feel like I am and... sometimes I feel like doing things I shouldn't, doing things I know I can't. I was getting more and more crazy and anxious for you every day and I knew that as long as I didn't have you to myself I wouldn't be able to contain myself." Peter murmured, leaning your forehead against his. "Can't you see? I love you more than I can put into words! Everything without you is so dull, lifeless and lonely. I will never let you go, because you are what color my life." He took a deep breath, waiting for your reaction.

You weren't surprised to hear his confession, in fact, it would surprise you if you were moved. This wasn't the first time he'd said sweet words to you and you knew it wouldn't be the last.

You didn't have the reaction he expected, Peter thought you would understand his feelings for you and that you would let yourself be loved by him, but that's not what happened. Instead, you walked away from him.

"(Y/N)...?" His voice sounded hurt, but you decided to ignore it. He wasn't going to manipulate you.

"I don't want to stay here," you said bluntly. After a moment of silence, you continued, "and you're not going to be the one to stop me from leaving."

To your astonishment, Peter ran to you and grabbed you tightly, trapping you in his arms. You grunted, muttering under your breath to yourself.

"You will not leave me!" He growled angrily in your ear. "If you leave I will kill myself."

"Ugh..." You kept trying to free yourself from his grip, but you couldn't. Peter was incredibly strong.

"Did you hear me?!" He squeezed you tighter and it really started to hurt. "I'm going to kill myself, (Y/N)! And it's all your fault!"

And there you were again, with the same old emotional manipulation of him. At first it affected you, but now it was so common that you didn't even care anymore. Part of you wished he'd actually lived up to his words and killed himself. But the other party knows that you wouldn't be able to forgive yourself. Peter Parker never treated you badly or hurt you, he was always respectful and took care of you.

"I love you." He said, pulling back a little and holding her face tenderly. "And I don't want to lose you. So please don't leave me because I wouldn't be able to live without you." He gave you a peck.

You remained motionless.

"Come on, I bought us pizza! Your favorite flavor, I know you'll love it." He pulled your hand away but stopped suddenly turning to you "But hey, you just can't love pizza more than I do, can you?"

Your heart a slow beat, panic setting in. This was a vicious cycle, one you knew would never end.

#yandere marvel #yandere peter parker #yandere spiderman #yandere peter parker x reader #yandere spiderman x reader #emoji #emoji prompt

[weebsinstash]

What if Miguel gives you a suit anyway even if you're not a spider person to protect you? 👀👀 one that moves when it senses danger so he's less worried about you when he's not there (but also with commands only he knows and really only he can disable? 👀👀👀). Reader can't take the suit off and realizes too late 👀👀👀👀 (I'm user filthdumpformeself btw)

Godddddddd it would open Reader up for some real manipulation and potential abuse. To be a NORMIE? At least some of these characters are scientists and inventors, but if you're just a powerless civilian, you'd be almost jumping at the opportunity to be something more, to mean something in this super-powered world you're in

I mentioned in another idea, 'what if Reader lost their home universe and they live where the Spider Society is' and you just 24/7 have to have a bracelet on or you'll glitch out and no on will know what will happen. Usually you'd return to your home universe, but since YOU don't have one, would you just POP! cease to exist? He never tells you, but the thought TERRIFIES Miguel, and once a week he's making sure to personally perform routine exams on your wristwatch to make sure it's functioning. So imagine if he eventually expanded on that. The suit would need some sort of source to project out of, so he combines it withe the bracelet. You still need to bathe after all!

As a person with a physical disability, I often think about and well, grieve over the abilities and physical fitness I'll never be able to have, and I think Reader in this scenario would have a similar experience. You're a normie surrounded by superheroes and genius scientists and they're all doing flips and hanging upside down and have zero fear of heights and natural invulnerability and EVERYTHING! You're in Spiderman Super Central and you're the only one who isnt allowed to be in the super special big boy club. It would make you so isolated and depressed, especially because like, Nueva York looks HUGE, so like there's definitely parts where all the normal people live, but Miguel insists you live in the Society to keep an eye on your bracelet (and also to keep you around)

This is where you're vulnerable to the manipulation and potentially having to do whatever he asks. You're DESPERATE for the freedom and fun and feeling of fulfillment only the suit can provide. It's a proverbial carrot he's dangling over your head. You want your powers back? Behave yourself. Do whatever he wants.

Just imagine it. You're high on the euphoria of getting to run around with other spiders and actually have some sort of purpose and, a new Spidey friend of yours is like "hey I got some goons in my home universe, what if you tagged along?" And suddenly Miguel is getting a little ping on his own bracelet "bracelet number 8364937 whatever tf just warped to coordinates XYZ" and he FLIPS OUT. They had you exposed to danger? They had you fighting?! And he storms all the way over there to see you're actually doing great and fighting fine, but so much of that is the suit, and you and him start an argument until he snaps. He didn't give you this suit to run around in suicide missions, and he scolds you not to do this again.

Snapcut to him finding out you did it again, and even confronting you WHILE another Spider is showing you the ropes and letting you train and fight (who will receive a severe punishment for it later). The two of you just start really arguing as you vent your feelings of uselessness and anger on him, maybe even saying something like "you can't just... try and CONTROL ME like this! You gave this to me, it should be mine to use!" And he just looks at you coldly. "You're right. I AM the one who gave it to you." And suddenly he's hitting a button and, you're still standing there in a suit strikingly visually similar to his own, but you can feel the exoskeleton kind of slack off your body, you feel heavier, and when you storm away from him angrily, you find out that your suit has had every function disabled. Every single one. No slinging webs, no defying gravity, no invulnerability, no super strength. Your Spider friends invite you for a swing around the city? You have to tearfully turn them down, and suddenly you're all isolated again. You're having to constantly turn down your friends and watch everyone have fun without you until you're going back to Miguel in tears, begging for his forgiveness, asking him what you can do for his forgiveness. PLEASE don't do this, with that suit you could help out around the Society and in other dimensions, or, you could at least just live a fun life in this place, and you're begging him with tears, PLEASE please please don't take away your new purpose

Not to mention you would have no idea but he can just constantly spy on you. He can find your location, he can listen in to your conversations and I imagine if you're all suited up, that he can potentially even control your movements. You mouth off and he just crosses his arms, "ok then. Power suit, activate protocol TO-1H" and suddenly your legs are marching you to your room and forcing you to give yourself a time out for an hour and he's monitoring you on a SpiPad while you cry by yourself and he can hear you whimpering all your private thoughts. "I just want to mean something... why is he doing this to me..."

An idea I had for the Spider Reader vs Evil OTHER Spider Reader which can also be applied here is, like, imagine you start clearly sinking into a depression during one of your "no spidey time" punishments and you're just feeling alone and sad as you eat in the food court with other Spiders and you're just looking down at the watch and suddenly you just say "do you think if I took this off I would die?"

The entire fucking cafeteria has their Spidey Sense go off and everyone looks at you. And you force a laugh, feeling super awkward as your face burns, and before you can laugh out "it was just a joke", something is casting a shadow over you, and you look up to see Miguel towering over you, one of the rare occasions he came out to socialize with other people. To try and eat with YOU. And he just heard you say THAT? THAT'S when he decides, you know what, I'm making this bracelet/suit unable to be taken off without special permissions 😤 no suicide or leaving allowed

But I imagine even if he doesn't want to see you taking risks and potentially getting hurt, he probably feels so warm and fuzzy and proud when he's teaching you new Spidey things and you pick up on then and do a good job and he praises you and you hit him with a big smile that makes his heart melt as he decides, ok, MAYBE he can let you play with your little suit, but only because it gives him more excuses to spend time with you ❤️

#atsv #yandere spiderverse #yandere miguel o'hara #yandere stuff #sinprompts

[gin-juice-tonic]

Hey there! I have a friend who wants to write a character with OCD, but I'm worried that she might not have a fully accurate image of what it is. I don't really know many people with OCD, but if you could could you give some tips to pass on to her? Sorry if this is weird, and you don't have to answer this if you don't want to. I just thought it would be better to get information from someone who is affected by OCD than skim an article about it. Thanks again (p.s. I really love your comics!!)

This is going to go under a cut cause i wrote more than I really intended. It's very long. I put a video clip of a character who I think is a good representation in media at the end if you decide you dont want to read all of that and just skip down there.

The thing is that OCD varies a lot from person to person. My experiences arent gonna look the same as someone else's who also has it. Some people have very visible symptoms, some people have things that are still obviously ocd symptoms but would only be recognized by someone who knew what to look for, some people only have mental symptoms - you wouldnt be able to tell unless you were a mind reader. And just like any other disorder it has a range of severity.

Also not everyone's triggered by the same things. I know you said you'd rather hear from a person than an article, but I think she should look at articles that detail what typical obsessions are (Though she should go in knowing these thoughts are beyond people's control. They're sometimes extremely upsetting, and theyre of course upsetting to the person who has them. They may be very hard to read if you arent well-versed in this stuff.) In fiction I usually see perfection and contamination, but there are wayyyy more than that. Some triggers come and go even. One day I can be completely fine about something and encountering it a different day it might take me 3 months to stop spiraling about it.

An important thing that IS spread across everyone who has it is that giving into compulsions makes things worse. They are a feeling of momentary relief that can fade incredibly quickly, which is what leads people to do them over and over and over again much to the detriment of the person doing it.

There is not a lot of rhyme or reason to it. And it cannot be logic-ed with. You could be the smartest, most level headed, logical person in the world, but you cannot logic your way out of obsessive thoughts. (This usually creates an obsessive thought spiral even, which is bad and can be dangerous...)

Adding onto that, she should think hard about whether the character would know they have OCD or not. The public perception of OCD is not great. Most people dont understand what it looks like, including people who have it. And the people who do have it often feel like they cannot talk about it. (I was encouraged by a psychiatrist to never! talk about the intrusive thoughts I have to ANYONE. She sucked, but it shows the attitude that surrounds the disorder.) And whether they know or not will make a big difference in how they view themself and their mental health. Personally when I did not know I had it I was doing a lot worse mentally. A lot. Frankly it very nearly drove me to suicide. And then I found out what it was, and it helped. It didnt magically make things disappear of course, but it helped.

She also might be tempted to make the characters symptoms manifest in ways that are comedic or silly. I am not bothered by this necessarily, I think a lot of the things I do are silly and would be perceived as funny by an outsider. But if she is going to do this I ask that she makes sure she shows how frustrating and embarrassing it is for the character. If you want an example, there is a character in the show Scrubs with OCD. (Side note, Scrubs is rated TV-14 so turn back now if youre too young but)

His name is Dr Kevin Casey, though you could probably just find his scenes from looking up Scrubs OCD. He is played off as a jovial man whose disorder makes him quirky, but he is given a scene in which you can really see the toll it takes on him. One line he says "Nobody's supposed to see this" hits especially hard.

So if that was too long and you didnt read most of it the number one important thing I'd personally ask is however inconvenient this characters OCD is going to be to everyone else Id like her to make sure she shows that its a million times more inconvenient to the person who has it.

#suicide mention #tw suicide mention #ask stuff #cw ocd #long post

[playgrl0]

a/n: i.. have no idea what this is. it isn't a real fic it's just something that i needed to get off my chest... i think? idk man lmao. i wrote it while i was very high nd sad lol. also, i decided to not tag anyone since this isn't really a fic nd it's not about anyone specific. i imagined nanami while writing it tho, (well, the beginning nd the end lol) but u can ofc imagine anyone u want.

wc: 0,582

!! TW! implied suicide. poor mental health. just overall sad nd dark, very depressing i guess... i don't really know. please don't read if u easily get triggered, thank u !!

“Are you okay?” he asks. His voice is soft and careful. His hand resting atop your shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze, his eyes showing a sign of worry while waiting for your answer.

-

“Yes” “yes” “yes” “yes” “yes” “yes” “yes”

But am i really?

No. I'm not okay at all. But if I give you that answer, then what? What are you going to do? What can you do?

Absolutely nothing.

I'm in way too much pain. Too much has happened. Too many things have fucked up my brain. There's nothing you could ever do or say to take that trauma and pain away from me. So “yes”, is the best answer i can give you.

You can't do anything about the raging storm that is happening inside of my head. No one can. It's loud. It's so loud there. Loud thunder. The rain,

So loud, so loud, so fucking loud.

And my head feels heavy. Really fucking heavy. It's like I can barely hold it up and I always have to lay down to make sure my body doesn't give out under the heavy pressure of carrying my head around.

And when the thoughts in my brain keep piling on top of each other, so much, and so high that I barely can fit inside anymore, that's when the thoughts get really dark and heavy.

That's where I know that not a single soul can help me.

That I'm lost.

That's when I want to hurt myself.

When I want everything to stop.

The thoughts. The pain. The numbness. The heaviness. The struggle. The tears. The voices.

When i want

To

Stop

Existing.

That's the deepest part of the hole you can fall into. The moment where you're only a second, only a millimetre away from hitting the bottom.

That's the moment you get rid of your existence and hit the bottom of the hole.

It's what I've been longing for for the longest time. I don't remember what it's like not to want it.

The best part about it is that you won't feel the impact. You won't feel the pain, the shame, the guilt, the heaviness of the world anymore because it's quiet.

It'll be so quiet and peaceful.

No voices. No storm. No pain. No thoughts. No tears. No harm. No danger.

Just

Peace.

That's the only thing that can fix me. That can heal me, make me be okay.

But until then, I'm not okay. I won't be. There's nothing, besides that, that can fix me.

But I can't tell him, or anyone else, any of that.

So i'll just continue to nod my head, give a assuring smile and say yes.

“Yes” “yes” “yes” “yes” “yes” “yes” “yes”

-

I wrap my arms around his torso, my head buried in his chest. “Yes.” I answer him. “Just tired, that's all.” I smile at him.

He smiles back, kissing my forehead gently. He doesn't believe me, I know that. But he doesn't want to pressure me. “You can talk to me. Always and about anything. You know that, right?” he reminds me, his soft lips moving against my forehead.

“I know.” I kiss him on the lips, he smiles against mine. “Let's go lay down and take a nap together, yeah? You need rest.”

love,

<3 @ playgrl0

#p!writes!%* #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk x reader #nanami x reader #nanami kento x reader #kento nanami x reader #nanami kento #kento nanami #jjk #jujutsu kaisen

[decolonize-the-left]

I can't express my suicidal thoughts and feelings to a real person or confess my previous attempts (that are a year or so behind me now with no danger of it happening soon) because obviously it's not good for that person's mental health, even if I do take out the selfish aspect that they could intervene when I don't want anyone to.

Like, I can vent, and whenever people try to be 'its all going to be okay' 'life is worth living' it makes me want to scream at them because if it was that simple I wouldn't keep feeling like this. if an AI says that I can just let loose with exactly how I feel about that sunshine-and-rainbows-sugar droll that nobody ever really believes in anyways and just say it because they have nothing else to say.

I can't go to a therapist, I can't afford it and even if I could, I'd lose my job because I'm certain that I'd be committed against my will for how bad my feelings get, and I don't want to have to walk on eggshells when explaining my feelings in a way that won't get me put in a ward or have someone think far less of me knowing how unstable I am.

and when I get sick of talking or am in too bad of a mood to continue, I can just exit the AI instead of leaving a real person freaking out thinking I'm going to go hurt myself or something. so yeah, while human connection is important that's not an option for some of us.

I'm fucking heartbroken that you feel this way.

Not even just because you're obviously so unhappy and upset, but that you feel like other people can't handle you or your feelings.

I think how you feel is part of a Much larger issue. I know what you're talking about, I have a post somewhere about it.

About how people who've been through a lot or feel a lot get called toxic for "trauma dumping" or how they make their "friends" feel uncomfortable and how often people like that (like us) usually end up isolated because of how our feelings effect others.

Nobody says it, but maybe we get texted less often or we slowly start to be phased out of a friend group as they invite us out less and less.

And so you end up with these people who desperately need community and need people and need support and need to feel like they belong somewhere....being completey isolated from all of this and being told THEY are the problem.

You're not. We're not.

To some extent, sure, not everyone can handle people like that. But when it's....everyone? That's no longer preference.

That's structural. That's systemic.

And I just can Not believe that using AI as a stand in for that is an option at all. I mean it's good for if you just wanna blow off steam or scream at something I guess?

But I don't think any of us are ever going to Actually feel better if we keep Letting people treat us like we aren't even worth listening to and enabling that behavior for them through AI.

You should be able to talk to someone who loves you about this. Someone who cares and who is genuinely invested in your well being. Someone worrying about you is GOOD. You're worth worrying about! Let them worry!

They SHOULD be worried! You're ideating of suicide! That's a concern for people who want you to stick around and I hope you see that for the love it is.

I hope you give those people opportunities to be there for you. That's what they want. They worry cuz they care and they want you to feel better and they Don't want to end up at your funeral sooner than they should. If people are annoying about it, it's a testament to them caring.

That said, I know it can get annoying to reassure your friend when You are the one that's depressed, but you gotta remember that their friend wants to die. I don't think it's an inappropriate response to want an annoying amount of reassurance that they won't just drop dead one day ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Just find people who will respect your boundaries; people who, when you say, 'i don't wanna talk about this anymore' or 'i feel like your feelings are being centered over mine right now' and will listen and be gracious with what they demand and expect of you.

Abandoning your friends and yourself by turning to AI instead can not be the right answer for how to handle this. Let them be there even if they're annoying.

That can not be what you need and I truly, honest to God think that this will be worse in the long run for your over all self worth.

What do you mean human interaction isn't an option?

And hey, if you (or anyone else) wanna scream or yell or let off steam in my asks then do it.

If you don't want me to reply or post it, just tell me. If you don't want reassurance then say that. If you don't even want me to Read it then say that and I won't. If you want advice or a reply then say that.

No I'm not an rp blog and I won't ever be one and I won't reply like I'm a character lol

But I'm an actual person willing to be there okay?

If literally nobody else is, then my asks and dms are open.

Just like, for the fucking love of God do not feel like there is nobody on fucking earth that prepared or emotionally equipped to handle your feelings.

Like I know this sounds like a cringey pick me kindve answer but like.

It's very, very important to me that you don't think so little of your peers and yourself that you would turn to AI out of a need to be comfortably and conveniently suicidal.

My application:

I'm a mom who reads a lot of gentle parenting books

Learned a Lot about regulating emotions and naming them so I could teach my kid emotional intelligence

In and out of therapy myself since I was 14 and honestly probably should've been there before that

I read like a Lot of psychology books and articles

I too have depression and suicidal ideation and I Get that people can be annoying abt it

Im actively becoming a happier person and learning to enjoy life so I also Get what people mean when they say 'it gets better' (it does but not literally if that makes sense)

I'm also not actually in therapy anymore because of bad experiences

Promise not to have you committed

Has actually been committed (5250 gang waddup) and imo it wasn't an awful experience but that's probably because the environment was chaotic enough to feel weirdly like home but we can talk about that too if you want

You do not need to sugarcoat or sugar-rainbows bullshit me cuz I've literally been there (I even snuck a soda tab into the psych facility the hospital transferred me to 💀)

Can't promise you I'll know the exact right thing to say but I will always keep it real and no bs with no flowery bs that doesn't actually mean anything to either of us

#decols tw #suicide #sui mention #cw suicide #self harm #asked #answered #mental health #character ai #character.ai