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mrcformoso · 5 months

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Parallels and Details (part 2) for Paper Flowers for the God of Gods

This focuses mostly on Chapters 4-7. For Chapters 1-3, you can find it in Part 1

If you haven’t read the fic yet, this is in reference to my HuaLian fic Paper Flowers for the God of Gods! It’s a FlowerGod!XL AU in canonverse with Rapunzel vibes and Persephone & Hades vibes and an ungodly amount of flower language.

Again, OMG the response to this fic is UNREAL. Like I had to refresh it over and over because I couldn’t believe how much love it was receiving. This fic was both an emotional and mental ride hahaha because I really wanted to channel MXTX as much as possible.

If I was going to revamp the universe, I wanted to make sure that it was as detailed as possible, and so here’s another roundup of the details in this fic because The Brain Hurts But We Are Doing Our Best.

THIS IS ASSUMING YOU HAVE READ UNTIL CHAPTER 7. Please don’t accidentally spoil yourselves. It will be worth it, I promise hahaha this is mostly for me to show off point out details because these chapters got a bit emotional and just to show how much work I put in this hahaha

SMALL DETAILS - I’m a big fan of inputting tiny little details in this fic, whether it be a repeating phrase or calling out certain things that are for foreshadowing or for mood purposes

“He looked up, and up, and – oh”

The first instance of this line was in Chapter 3, during HC’s flashback:

Hong-er, raising his arms in defense against the intruder as he looked up – and up – and – oh.

This was then repeated in Chapter 4, when Xie Lian rolled the dice and was waiting for San Lang.

Before he could even see the result, he heard the soft landing of footsteps beside him.

He looked up, and up, and – oh.

And finally, repeated one more time in Chapter 7, after HC’s confession, right before seeing the flowers on Xie Lian’s hair

1.He looked up, and up, and – oh.

Basically, it’s all instances when they were feeling extremely anxious and they look up and it’s like saying oh, there you are.

Foreshadowing phrases from flashbacks

So the first instance for example is Chapter 4 during XL’s flashback where it talks a bit about his eventual punishment and HC’s death. Those are direct quotes lifted from the actual flashback on Chapter 7. There’s also repeating ones in Chapter 6.

Capitalization and how important Xie Lian is to Hua Cheng using the power of Capital Letters.

Another thing people don’t really notice, but in Hua Cheng’s POV, he always refers to Xie Lian as his God with a capital G, but all other gods are with a small letter g, indicating the difference in how he regards them.

CALLBACKS AND REFERENCES - I love cyclical poetry and calling back events within the fic. Also, when I write canonverse AUs I love calling back to the canon, or referencing the canon in a way that makes sense in the new universe I made. I also try sometimes to add little references to other things I love.

The two deputy gods - and how important this scene actually was

In the Prologue, there was a super, super short scene where two deputy gods were walking around and one explained Xie Lian’s Gardens to the other, before they’re interrupted by HC. More than just a “haha, HC is gonna kill them” kind of thing, in this chapter it was used as a mode of world building, to establish what Heaven thinks of XL and of minor gods in general, as well as establish that HC made his way to heaven.

However, this is referenced again in Chapter 4. Because HC takes out those two gods, and it causes trouble for Qi Rong, SQX was given the opening to talk to XL about HC. This reveals to XL that San Lang’s real identity was HC (he knew there was a ghost king, and he knew the ghost king was San lang, but he didn’t know his real name)

This leads to Chapter 5 where, because he knows HC is SL, XL brings him to his territory to hide him when he couldn’t teleport out of the festival, which led to the morning reveal of Puqi temple.

Basically, the two deputies were the reason for The Confession in Chapter 7. Thank you, random characters.

Butterfly Weeds - I also think I may have traumatized all my readers from this flower.

Xie Lian’s hair has two indicators of his mood. The first is what flowers grow on his hair, and the second is the state of the flowers (the droop when he’s sad for instance).

So the Butterfly Weed Reveal™ was foreshadowed as early as the prologue. I deliberately didn’t explain what Butterfly Weeds meant because it was a setup for Chapter 6. But if you recall the prologue, XL was waiting on the bridge while looking at his reflection and this was the description I used:

He tucked his hair back behind his ear. It was Butterfly Weeds today, their small, orange buds littered the top of his head, down the length of his hair. He plucked a dead leaf from his hair, letting it fall on the river water, distorting his own reflection.

You learn in Chapter 3 from HC’s POV that Xie Lian’s hair flowers die when he’s really sad, so if you go back, it’s the first indication that XL in the prologue was Not Okay. The river distorting his own reflection was also a metaphor for his mental state and how he was not showing his Real Self.

The Blue Hydrangea

Sooo it was super quickly mentioned but the bookmark in Chapter 6:

He lifted up an old book, one with a bookmark made of a pressed blue hydrangea.

This is the blue hydrangea that XL grew in his hair and gifted to Hua Cheng in Chapter 2:

…and in an act that surprised Xie Lian, [San Lang] tucked the Hydrangea behind his ear with a cute little “now we match, Gege!”

Which means the book came from Hua Cheng’s collection and not heaven. He literally gave the book to He Xuan to deliver to XL, and also kept the flower that XL gave him hahaha

The Page™

Chapter 6, the section of XL’s thoughts as he descends into the Bad Place in his mind was deliberately written in those short lines to sort of emulate the It Hurts page of the novel. I couldn’t really do that in fanfiction because this is not a physical book but I hoped it gave the same vibes.

Chapter 190™

There was really no reason for the human face disease and the stabby stabby but I kept the spirit of the torture XL experienced but through the shackles attached to him.

I also kept the spirit of Ghost Flame Hua Cheng unable to do anything until he burned everyone in teenager Hong-er unable to help until he started starving himself in XL’s temple while praying.

The formation of XL’s Habits

After the reveal of how Hong-er dies to save XL in Chapter 7, we see that XL starts showing the habits that we see him have in Chapter 2. That includes pacing around the perimeter, around and around until the sun sets, him looking at his own reflection in the river to see the flowers in his hair, and of course, the next point:

“It was a nice day. All days are nice.”

THE MOST PAINFUL ONE. IT HURT ME TO DO THIS.

This was actually first implied in the Prologue, but it was a more obvious repetition in Chapter 2 where each section started with “It was a nice day. All days are nice.” Initially, the implication is that it’s what he’s trying to convince himself is true (that all days are nice in heaven, therefore he is okay) But in Chapter 7 it is revealed that he started saying this after Hong-er dies. This shows that he started waiting since back then, and continued waiting the same way until he meets HC.

IT IS ALSO A REFERENCE TO THE NOVEL. It is supposed to emulate the year where XL was waiting for Hua Cheng to return. Because in this fic, XL is waiting for his devotee from his final request, and that’s why it’s the same vibe.

Princess Bride reference!

A cheeky little one. “Your wish is my command” which was first uttered by Hua Cheng in Chapter 5, brought back with more significance in Chapter 7 after XL asks him to be saved. In reference of course to the famous “As you wish” quote from the movie.

HUALIAN’S BACKSTORY - symbolisms, parallels, and running towards one another. I AM SO PROUD OF THIS. This was literally the first thing I had to flesh out of when I made this AU because the rest of the story had to be written around this and WHEN I TELL YOU the amount of time I spent making this omg –

Hua Cheng’s red string

In Chapter 3, we see that Xie Lian wrapped a vine with a lotus flower around Hong-er’s finger and he declared Hong-er as one of his flowers. Hua Cheng wears a red string now on the same spot.

Hua Cheng’s umbrella

The umbrella will make an appearance again soon! But yes, the red umbrella that Hua Cheng closes at the Prologue was the same umbrella Xie Lian hovers over Hua Cheng in chapter 3.

Hua Cheng’s name + Crimson Rain Sought Flower

THE INSPO FOR THIS FIC! Hua Cheng, literally meaning ‘Flower City’. After he dies, he changes his name to this to honor his Flower God, and tbh it holds a lot more significance in this fic.

Also, it changed the meaning of Hua Cheng’s title. Instead of Hua Cheng protecting the flower from the bloody rain, I made it so that HC deliberately protects any flower since they are considered his ‘siblings’.

“I want to be one of your flowers”

In Chapter 3, in HC’s flashback we see that Hong-er wanted to be XL’s flower when reincarnated because he wants to always be with XL. XL acknowledges this.

And although XL doesn’t put it together that Hong-er and “the teenage boy” were the same person, XL subconsciously considers him as his flower because of how loyal he was, and so XL took care of him like how he takes care of all his flowers.

And remember in Chapter 5, how XL reacted to seeing his flowers die?

Yeah. He felt that way, and mayhaps even worse, when HC died. The flowers in his hair rotted in just the same way.

“Wu Ming”

Not really done by name. But. If you notice, Hong-er never introduces himself, and Xie Lian never knew the name of his favorite devotee. I couldn’t do the “Wu Ming” thing because that was XL being deliberately cruel in the canon, and in this they have a much softer relationship.

But technically HC still becomes Wu Ming in a sense that he is endlessly devoted to XL and he sacrifices himself to save XL, so the spirit of Wu Ming is still in this fic.

San Lang (or, the three lives)

So the whole “San Lang” name in canon was a) a cheeky affectionate name (Lang is usually a term of endearment), and b) the “San” or 3 or third references the 3 lives San Lang lived (Hong-er, Wu Ming, Hua Cheng)

Now, in this fic, it means the same thing but in different contexts:

Hong-er is “reborn” as one of XL’s flowers in Chapter 3 - remember right before this, Hong-er mentions he wants to die and be reincarnated, to which XL asks “what would you like to reincarnate as” and gives him a lotus petal which means Renew, or Rebirth. This was the “end” of his first life.

Hong-er (or “the boy”) physically dies praying to XL for seven days straight without eating or sleeping. This is the end of his second life.

Hua Cheng is his third life, thus, San Lang.

Roses, Tulips, Gardenias, Daisies, Chrysanthemums

These were first mentioned actually in Chapter 3, but not by name because Hong-er didn’t recognize these flowers, but these were the flowers Xie Lian grew for him that ‘look like his red eye’.

In Chapter 4, they were revealed to be the red flowers in Hua Cheng’s garden. Xie Lian comments that, if red, they all mean Love. And Hua Cheng says he grew it for a wonderful memory (his first meeting with XL)

Also in Chapter 3, He Xuan mentions that Hua Cheng’s communication array password is “five flowers, but he can’t remember the order”. In Chapter 4, it is revealed that these five flowers are his communication array password (BECAUSE HC IS A SAP AND WE LOVE HIM)

Chapter 6, He Xuan mentions these five flowers to basically tell Xie Lian that he’s working for Hua Cheng and to trust him when he gave The Book.

And of course, Chapter 7, where Xie Lian grew these flowers in his hair as his declaration of love to Hua Cheng. These are Their Flowers.

Paper Flowers

Of course, ½ of the title of this fic. Paper Flowers.

So this one doesn’t need much explanation. They are XL’s favorite offering because it’s not picked flowers, but it is mentioned explicitly in Chapter 3 that XL tells Hong-er not to pick flowers because they will die. So Hong-er dedicated himself to learn how to fold paper flowers.

This is also mentioned again in the end of chapter 3 that Hua Cheng STILL folds paper flowers every day and offers it to XL’s temple in Ghost City (at the end of the chapter).

And during The Confession in chapter 7, Hua Cheng makes XL hold onto E-ming to free his hand as he sits and folds a paper flower to 1) show XL that he was the devotee, 2) fold a paper rose to confess his love and show his feelings and 3) you can say this is him praying to XL. The setting was with XL sitting on the bed and HC sitting in front of him. It’s kind of like he’s praying at an altar while making his offering.

E-ming - and the healthier relationship with Hua Cheng

So because Xie Lian saw HC’s red eye and declared it as beautiful, I made it so that HC and E-ming had a healthier relationship, and it’s shown in how HC takes better care of E-ming and treats him like a puppy.

In Chapter 5 he summarized his relationship that it started off as a curse (before XL), then it became his source of strength (After XL), and then his weapon. Chapter 7 shows that E-ming became his weapon because he wanted to forge something to protect XL in line with what he promised. His “wait for me, and I’ll come back to protect you” promise.

Role reversal

A theme I absolutely love with this universe! It’s very subtle, but it makes me soft.

In the flashbacks, it’s shown that XL is the one who took care of HC, from giving him a reason to live until he took care of him in his teens and made sure he was fed and sheltered and loved.

In the present time, HC becomes that person for XL, where XL is so sad and tired, HC became that person who brought him food, and validated him, and took care of him through their interactions.

“Tell me what you want”

Another theme I really wanted to incorporate in this universe. Related to the role reversal is the theme of asking for something that you want, and being able to give it to that person.

In Chapter 2, we have many instances of San Lang telling Xie Lian to just ask for what he wants, and we also have many instances of San Lang acknowledging any sort of request XL asks of him, even going away if XL says so (“You should go”)

Chapter 3, in HC’s flashback, we see that this came from XL doing the same for HC. Asking him what he wants. If you notice, XL didn’t tell HC to not kill himself when HC says he wants to die and reincarnate, but rather asked what he wanted to reincarnate as and then provide it.

Chapter 4, we see how XL’s wants are mostly ignored by other people (except SQX), until San Lang comes along, where he reassures XL that his wants are valid. Also, we see how XL

Chapter 7, the big reveal that the entire time XL was doing what HC wanted before he died (“what do you want, I’ll do anything” “Wait for me”), and so HC goes back and asks XL again what he wants.

References to their canon themes

“Just one person is enough” - except here, it was one devotee praying for Xie Lian to overcome the shackles

“They’ve been running towards each other for 800 years” - in the sense that they’ve been doing things for each other and waiting and looking for each other for 800 years.

HuaLian back and forth - living for one another and meeting in the middle

MY DREAM with this fic was that I wanted to do in this fic was the constant back and forth between HuaLian. I revealed little by little their backstory over the course of several chapters in their POVs to showcase how important they were to each other, even when they didn’t really get to know each other that well.

Xie Lian gave Hong-er a reason to live by being ‘reborn’ as one of his flowers.

Hong-er becomes Xie Lian’s most dedicated believer, praying everyday and . Note, for a minor god this is a Big Deal because he has so few believers and temples to begin with.

Xie Lian takes care of Hong-er by feeding him, giving him company through flowers, and leading him to shelter, which was a Big Deal to homeless, abandoned Hong-er.

Xie Lian chose isolation over exile so that he could still take care of Hong-er.

Hong-er sacrificed himself by starving and not sleeping to pray non-stop to save Xie Lian from the shackles.

Hong-er asked Xie Lian to wait for him, because he was already dead set on becoming a ghost/not resting in peace in order to protect Xie Lian due to his own disappointment in himself.

Xie Lian, despite his grief, continued to live and wait in acknowledgement of Hong-er’s wish. He endured 800 years of imprisonment and mental torture in honor of Hong-er’s last wish.

Hong-er becomes HC and spends 800 years becoming a Ghost King and looking for XL so that he could fulfill his end of the wish.

And finally, they meet in the middle.

WAAAAAAA it’s so much but I super enjoyed writing this fic! Did you guys catch all of this in your read through? Are there other things you noticed? I have more, but they’ll be more fleshed out in the last 3 chapters!

#fanfic #tgcf #tgcf fanfic #tian guan ci fu #heaven official's blessing #hualian #hua cheng #xie lian #san lang #he xuan #wip #parallels #meta post #meta analysis #paper flowers for the god of gods #i am so proud of myself #flower language

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raven-at-the-writing-desk · 10 months

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(sorry, english my second language) my theory for one of the reasons why trey is perceived differently in the west as being less appealing or not so attractive compared to the likes of malleus is simply cause he wears glasses

something i observed in mainstream western media in particular is that, wearing glasses is perceived as unattractive/unappealing or too nerdy or not sexy (we all know it’s not true don’t get me wrong) compared to jp media where glasses can be seen as hot

i think azul also falls for this, cause there’s so many azul simps in jp but he still gets to appeals more in the west compared to trey cause of the mafia aesthetic he got going on also tumblr sexyman vibes

[Referencing this post!]

I mean... while I do think the stereotype of "only unattractive geeks wear glasses" does appear in many western productions (especially those set in high schools), I feel like that sentiment no longer has the same prominence. This is due in part to changing trends (the west has adopted a lot of interest in Asian media/art as of late, part of which does often employ glasses as fashion pieces, such as in the case of K-pop) and new technology (more technology use/reliance means more and more of the general population need vision correction, so glasses and contacts are becoming increasingly common).

On the flip side, it's not as though glasses aren't associated with being "nerdy" in eastern cultures. After all, there is an entire anime/manga trope called the megane (literally "glasses") character, which often refers to an smart, rational, and stoic individual. They are also typically the “brains” or the voice of reason in a cast of characters. So… glasses are also definitely associated with “being smart” in the east; this even comes through in some character dialogue. In Trey’s Halloween vignettes, for example, Azul states that he explicitly chose to wear glasses for vision correction because others are more likely to perceive glasses-wearers as being intellectual.

I also feel like it goes both ways in terms of perceiving glasses as hot or not?? I personally have not noticed a huge gap between the east/west in terms of attraction in regards to one wearable item?? I feel like it just depends on individual tastes (because some people are just into the “nerdy” look), of maybe there isn’t that much of a “choice” irl anymore since more and more people need corrective lenses anyway.

Ultimately, I don’t think it’s the glasses that matter, but the person behind the glasses does. Like… if you slapped a pair of glasses on Malleus, does that automatically not make him attractive anymore? If you took away Trey and Azul’s glasses, would that automatically make them 10x hotter than they looked with them? (There is plenty of fan art which depicts these scenarios; there’s a reason why people make them despite loving the originals.)

If such a difference does exist solely because of glasses, I’d imagine the effect is negligible, not so significant that it explains the large gap in popularity between Trey and Malleus. (Azul was mentioned as an example of a glasses character who became popular in the west despite the glasses because of his appeal as a mob boss, but it feels like this case just shows that it’s the character himself and not the glasses that make fans love him.) There are much bigger factors at play (between the being a normal human/an actual dragon fairy prince, the design appeals, less screen time/being the Final Boss and important figure in the main story, and a lowkey personality/lots of hype and a strong presence) for this observed Trey-Malleus disparity. Malleus is just a more “exciting” character when compared to Trey, and that catches the attention of the more individualistic, often action-oriented culture of the west.

#twst #twisted wonderland #disney twisted wonderland #Azul Ashengrotto #Malleus Draconia #Trey Clover #notes from the writing raven

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boldlyvoid · 3 months

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Put On The Red Light | Part 2

18+ Eddie Munson x Steve Harrington

Summary: When Eddie's long-lost cousin, Roxy, shows up on his doorstep, he must accept that his whole life is changing once again.

Warnings: pov changes 3 times between eddie, roxy and steve | angst, parental death, cancer, narcissistic parents, anxiety, jealous Eddie, sexuality crisis, insecure Eddie, parental issues, implied/referenced parental abuse/neglect, background Wayne/Mr. Clarke, adoption, coming out, implied/referenced sexual abuse (more detailed next chapter)

word count: 10.6k

masterlist

Eddie wakes up around 8am… really, thats just when he stops tossing and turning and forces himself out of the bed. He gets ready as quietly as possible and sneaks out the front door without waking Wayne in the process. He pulls out of the trailer park at just a quarter after 8, heading right to the Wheeler's place for a nice chat with the smartest person he knows.

Karen Wheeler opens the door with her hair still in rollers and her bright pink robe on, “Eddie… you’re here early?”

“I know, I’m sorry, Mrs. Wheeler,” Eddie apologizes. “Would Nancy happen to be awake yet? I need her help with something.”

Karen nods, “She just finished her breakfast, hold on,” she turns away from him and yells into the house, “Nancy!”

“Yeah?” She peaks around the corner and sees Eddie at the door. “Hey, what’s wrong?” She asks because she knows him pretty well by now, he wouldn’t be at her door, dressed and aware of his surroundings at this time of day if something wasn’t wrong.

“I uh, I need help with something at the library… at least, I think it’s at the library, I really don’t know what I’m doing… I just need your help, please?” he hates to admit it out loud.

“Yeah, come in and I’ll just get changed and then we can go?” Nancy offers and Karen ushers him inside.

“Thanks, really, it’s kind of hard to explain…”

“I’ll be down in a sec, save it for the ride over,” she doesn’t want him to worry about her parents overhearing them and then she takes off, up the stairs.

“Did you eat? I can make you something?” Karen immediately offers, not letting a single moment of silence pass.

He shakes his head, “I’m good, thanks, Mrs. Wheeler.”

“Oh, really it’s no problem on my end, I keep making the normal amount of food for breakfast but Mike isn’t ever here now that the Byers are back in town, so I always have extra,” she explains, making Eddie follow her into the kitchen.

“In that case… Wayne has always called me a human garbage can, I always eat all the leftovers.”

“See, you’re helping me out, not putting me out,” Karen can’t help but laugh.

She takes a plate down from the cupboard and dumps the remaining scrambled eggs from the frying pan on it. She gives him the last 3 pieces of bacon and sets the plate down in front of him. “Do you want toast? Orange juice?”

“This is more than enough, thank you,” he doesn’t want to impose anymore, he just takes the fork she gave him and digs in.

He doesn’t mean to scarf it all down so fast, he just had no idea when Nancy would be back down and he’d hate to make her wait when this is his idea in the first place. He’s been thinking over the plan all night, he’s figured out how to let Wayne know how much he loves him and needs him and Nancy’s the only person he can ask for advice about legal documents.

Nancy comes running back down the stairs just as he’s putting his fork down on the placemat, “hey, you ready?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m good,” he covers his mouth to talk and finishes his last bite and then he stands. “Thank you so much, again, Mrs. Wheeler, really.”

“You’re welcome, you guys have fun, let me know if you won’t be back for dinner,” she turns to Nancy at the end, “I love you.”

“Love you, too,” Nancy gives her a smile and a wave, “see ya!”

She doesn’t ask what’s up until they’re both in the van, “Please don’t tell me something bad is happening in the town again… I can’t do two in the same calendar year.”

Eddie sighs, “No, no… it’s not a thing like that. Um, you know Matilda, the Roald Dahl book? She gets adopted by Miss Honey at the end and it doesn’t matter if it was a real adoption or not because Miss Honey loved her more than any blood relative could’ve? Like, Miss Honey was her family. Period. End of discussion?”

Nancy nods along, “yeah?”

“She still wanted to make it real. She still wanted Miss Honey to be her mom on paper even though she was her mom in her heart… and she got the adoption papers from the library… where would I get them?”

“I think you get them at the courthouse?” Nancy offered, not pushing him with questions or trying to change his mind. She simply smiled and put on her seatbelt.

“To the courthouse we go…”

—

Wayne knocks on her door just a little after 11 am, she didn’t expect him to come all the way up to her apartment but he did. She opens the door with a big smile, “Hey, Dad, I was just about to come down and wait for you…”

“I wanted to check the place out,” he says, peaking over her shoulder to get a good look… just like she did yesterday with Eddie.

“Come in,” she extends her arm out and moves out of the way. “It’s not much but it’ll work for a while… uh, it was partially furnished, so I have a bed and a couch and some pots and pans and things… and I went to the grocery store yesterday morning before I went to the trailer,” She follows him around while she talks, watching him take a look at everything.

“It’s a lot nicer than it used to be,” Wayne compliments, his lips pursed together as he nods.

“You’ve been in here before?”

“Yeah… Eddie’s mom rented this unit for a while, it was only a short walk to the hospital—

“Oh my god, it all makes sense now…”

“What does?”

“He got snarky when you told him where I lived and then he didn’t drive me home last night. Steve did,” she explains. “And then when he dropped me off, Steve said if I ever needed a ride anywhere and you’re not available, I should call him and not Eddie… I thought maybe it was just him being a flirt like you said, but then it felt a lot more like Eddie was avoiding this place… and like Steve was protecting him.”

Wayne gives her a simple nod, “Yeah… his mom basically died in here.”

“In here?” She points to the floor and her eyes widen in fear.

“She technically took her last breath in the hospital but, yeah,” he doesn’t know how to really say it. “She faded away to nothing here, he was only 8 when she got sick, 12 when she died. It’s been hard on him.”

She feels terrible, “I can’t imagine losing my mom when I was 12, it’s hard enough now…”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s just hard being away from her,” she shrugs it off. She doesn’t want to get into it all right now. She really can’t get into it now or she’ll ruin the whole day for herself with her tears. She still has some questions to ask and opinions to learn… She can’t lose him once he knows, too.

“You’re growing up, it’s hard,” he at least tries to sympathize. “But you seem good here, you call me if anything breaks or they give you a hard time, okay?”

“Okay, Dad,” she gives him the sweetest smile, she loves that she gets to call him that. That it’s real. He is her dad. “Uh, while I’ve got you here, I made something for you…”

“Oh, why?” He’s a bit taken aback, he didn’t expect this.

He follows her into the little kitchen and thats where he sees it. On the counter, she has a present waiting to be opened by him. She knew she wanted to give it to him today or tomorrow and this was the perfect chance. She gets him to sit at the table with her and she places the neatly wrapped gift in front of him.

“Even though Father's Day is technically tomorrow, I wanted to give you this… and I needed to do it here and not in front of Eddie 'cause he’s having a hard time with all this.”

“Is he?” Wayne instantly worries.

“Yeah… I mean, now that I know his mom died I can see why. All he has left is you,” she finds it incredibly easy to sympathize. “It’s only natural to panic about sharing your only parent, just most people go through it when they’re toddlers.”

“He wasn’t home this morning but I wanted to make sure he has dinner with us tonight, for this reason. I can’t have him thinking I like you more than him and vice versa. I love you equally,” he assures her. Staring her down with those Munson eyes she’s only seen in the mirror for 19 years. “You’re both my kids.”

Her eyes well with tears, “I love you, too… open it up.”

“Okay,” he has to look away or he’ll cry too. He peels the brown wrapping paper gently, uncovering a scrapbook. “Oh, wow.”

“When I was getting ready to leave, I went through all my photos and realized mom had two of everything… I really wanted you to see what I was like as a kid,” she explains, watching him flip from page to page, completely silent.

He runs his finger over some of the pictures, taking in her features and watching her change over 18 years in just a few pages. He looks sad, realizing he missed out on so much of her life… and so much of it looks lonesome. She’s alone in most of her photos, her eyes have dark rings around them and she hasn’t smiled much past 8 years old.

“What happened?”

“What do you mean?” She leans over to see what photo he’s on, “Nothing happened there?”

“I know this look, this is the look of a kid going through hell… Eddie looked the same when I took him in,” he taps the page and stares her down, “Did they hurt you?”

She shakes her head, “Oh no, god, no! I just got bullied at school, I didn’t have good friends, it was normal at home… for the most part. They barely talked to me, they didn’t have the time to hurt me.”

“That doesn’t make me feel better,” Wayne’s heart is clearly broken. “Not only did I miss out on your life, I couldn’t save you from the hard parts of it…”

“No, but you saved Eddie and now Eddie is saving me,” Roxy shrugs, lips pressed together tightly, she didn’t know how much she wanted to tell him… it’s not really something a dad wants to hear.

“How?” He doesn’t get it, he’s barely seen them interact.

“I had this whole plan,” she says, taking a seat across from him at the table. “I’ve been saving my money for years thinking I’d look all through the entire state of Indiana for you… I was going to do everything to find my dad and then 3 months before I graduated, 3 months before I was going to run away to find you, my real last name is all over the news… if that didn’t happen to him, then I wouldn’t be here yet. I wouldn’t have you, yet,” Roxy explains, so sure of it.

“That was the worst week of my life,” Wayne can't even begin to explain how awful it was. “I walked into my own home to find a dead girl I didn’t know and Eddie was no where to be found… and I couldn’t find him for a week. And when I did find him, he was in the hospital with stab wounds that looked more like something took a bite out of him. It was awful.”

“I’m so sorry,” she reaches out for his hand across the table and takes it. “I can’t imagine what that’s like.”

“If you’re the outcome, then it was well worth it… at least on my end, that pain paid off for me,” he gives her a small smile. “But I don’t expect Eddie to feel the same. ‘Cause nothings been the same since then. We lost most of his things in the earthquake, we’ve started fresh in the trailer and he’s barely ever home now that he knows Steve and Robin… and I get it, he went to hell and back with them, no wonder he finds it so easy to talk to them about it… I just wish he’d talk to me on his bad nights.”

“Tell him that,” she can’t stress that enough. “I’m sure he knows but tell him anyway… Personally, I don’t think there’s any such thing as too much love.”

“I love you,” he says directly to her for the first time, staring deep into her brown eyes… realizing how they’re a lot lighter than Eddie’s. Almost hazel. And then he gives her hand another squeeze. “I love you a lot.”

“I love you, too,” she laughs as the tears stream down her cheeks, “Happy Father's Day.”

He laughs then too, a single tear slips out and he wipes it off his face with his free hand, “Happy Father's Day to you too… say, you got a camera around here?”

She nods, “I do, why, did you want to take a photo?”

“We might as well put one in here together, and, if you want, maybe we can take one all together tonight?” He suggests, wanting to make sure Eddie felt included later too.

“That sounds like a great idea.”

—

When Eddie comes back home he stops dead in his tracks when he smells it… Wayne's famous brisket.

“There he is!” Wayne cheers and walks over to him, “Whatcha got there?” He notices the yellow envelope in his hand just as he goes to hug him.

“Oh, some job applications,” he lies, Wayne was on him about getting something to do during the days, so it’s believable for now.

“Good, good,” he places his hands on Eddie's shoulders and brings him into a hug. “Please tell me you can stay for dinner?”

Eddie nods, “Yeah, I can… I’m not going to see Steve tonight.”

Wayne's brows furrow and he’s clearly shocked. “At all?”

He shakes his head, still holding Wayne tight. It’s been a while since they had a good hug. “Nah, I think I need a night with you… and Rox, too I guess?”

Wayne pulls back first, “She’s here,” he points back to her and she gives him a smile and a wave, “She’s been helping me in the kitchen.”

“He’s a great teacher,” Roxy adds. “I hear this Mac and cheese is your favourite?”

“Oh, fuck yes!” He celebrates, this is the best thing to happen to him in a few days. “What’s the occasion?”

“It’s my first Father's Day with both my kids,” Wayne announces, so, so proud of himself.

Eddie loves to see the smile on his face, he can’t help but smile back, “So are we doing gifts tonight, or?”

“I gave him mine already,” Roxy is honest, and from the look on her face she feels a little scared for his reaction.

“So, I can give mine tonight like normal?” Eddie turns back to Wayne, “I’d really like to keep this as normal as possible.”

“We want the same thing… I love you, kid,” Wayne reaches back out for him and rubs his shoulder. “I’m sorry I’ve been so busy these last few months, I don’t want you to think I’m replacing you.”

“I know you’re not,” Eddie gives him a solemn smile. “But you know me, you know I’m weird with change. This was the cherry on top of the shit show that has been my life lately… I hate myself a little for reacting like a two-year-old with a new sister on the way, but I can’t help it. I’m not good with this shit.”

“Not much is changing,” Wayne assures him.

“I want to continue this at dinner…” Eddie admits, “I had a whole speech planned out and a certain way I wanted to say all this, can I just go to my room for a bit?”

“Sure, yeah,” Wayne gives in, knowing how Eddie reacts when things aren’t going according to his plan. He gets testy and anxious.

Eddie hurries off to his room and closes the door, taking the documents out of the manilla folder and grabbing his dnd book to use as a hard surface. He wanted to sign the papers before he presented them to Wayne… the adoption process is a lot simpler when it’s an adult being adopted, all they require is Eddie and Wayne’s signatures on the petition and then the court would finalize it, pending a short court appearance with lots of questions. They just wanted to make sure creeps weren’t adopting their girlfriends and greedy assholes didn’t steal money from vulnerable, yet rich, elderly people.

Eddie and Wayne were definitely neither of those things. He knew it would be granted to him, he knew Wayne would be his dad in a matter of weeks… it was all going to be okay.

Eddie got two copies of the adoption papers, too, because if this was his way of evening the playing field, Roxy deserved the chance to be Wayne’s kid on paper too. Thats only if she wasn’t already, he has a feeling that if she knew her dad’s name her whole life then it’s most likely on her birth certificate. It’s been real for her whole life.

He has a moment to change and listen to a few songs so he can calm down, his mind is racing with the speech he wants to give and it keeps changing the more he thinks about it. He has so much he wants to say, so much he wants to thank Wayne for… he barely even knows where to start.

He folds the pages up and puts them in his back pocket when he’s called out for dinner. Wayne’s famous brisket over Mac and cheese was his favourite meal in the world, he gets it maybe 3 times a year, and it was really special. And so, so delicious.

Roxy talks up a storm about how cool Wayne's stories are, Eddie’s heard them all before but she’s right, they are cool. Wayne grew up in Florida, his mom comes from the large Jewish population there and his dad was from Louisiana meaning there were a lot of Cajun spices in this once-traditional Jewish brisket.

Eddie takes his last bites and sets his fork down on the plate gently, he knows he has to start now, it’s just a little scary. “I um, I just wanted to say I’m sorry—

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Roxy cuts him off, thinking this is about her again.

“No, I do… I got all pissy thinking you were stealing my dad from me when I’ve barely been home these last few months,” Eddie admits. “It’s been hard dealing with it all and— and you know what? Fuck it. I might as well be honest with both of you now that I know this is a permanent thing… basically, I got out of all that shit in March and all I wanted was to make Steve love me back, I never even thanked you for all the searching you did and the time you spent with me in the police station and in the hospital. I’ve never thanked you for anything, my whole life, actually.”

“You don’t need to,” Wayne waves it off, he never did this for a thank you. He did it cause Eddie deserved a normal childhood. He did it because he's always loved him.

“But I want to,” Eddie reaches into his back pocket and puts the pages down on the table. “You’ve been the best dad I could’ve ever asked for… but you’re not my dad and I think thats why I got so upset yesterday. You can call us both your kids, sure, but if you sign this then you can make it real, and Rox,” he hands her another copy of the papers, “there’s another copy here, I didn’t know if he’s on your birth certificate or not?”

“He is,” Roxy says with a smile, she places her hand on her heart and swoons, “You really thought of me?”

Eddie nods, “It’s only fair. That’s all I wanted. We’re both his kids, it should be official… if you want?”

“I want. There’s nothing more that I want, son,” Wayne takes the pages and unfolds them, “You got a pen?”

“Yeah, I do,” Eddie quickly reaches back into his pocket and pulls out a pen, he hands it to Wayne and watches him sign the few lines he was required to. “there… is that it?”

“For now, we need to pick a day to bring it to the courthouse and have a judge sign off on it, apparently dudes try to adopt their girlfriends and shit so they have to do background checks,” Eddie still can’t believe the lady who gave him the papers said that. And that people really try and do that… it’s so weird.

“Ew,” Roxy vocalizes her disgust, “really?”

He just nods, “Yeah… but I mean, our local judge is Lucas’s dad so, I think it’ll go through pretty easily and you’ll be my real dad in no time.”

“And my brother,” Roxy gives him a glorious smile. “I always wanted a big brother.”

“As your big brother I have some ground rules,” he says with confidence, even though on the inside he’s terrified. “I know you already said yes to that date with Steve, but he’s mine. I’ll share Wayne, I’ll share Friday night pizzas with my friends, I’ll share the fucking trailer if I have to… I just can’t share Steve.”

“Oh, no you don’t have to worry at all…” She puts her hands up in surrender and she looks genuinely scared, she turns to Wayne and then back to Eddie and she realizes right then and there that this is it. This is the moment, she has to take it. “I’m… I’m a lesbian.”

“Oh,” Eddie’s shoulders drop, his mouth hangs open while he stares at her. “oh…”

“That’s wonderful,” Wayne reaches over for her hand and gives her a smile. “We’ll have to set you up with one of Eddie’s girlfriends, I think Robin—

“For sure, Robin,” Eddie can’t help but smile. “She had a feeling we were more alike than I thought.”

“She’d be right,” Roxy laughs through her tears, overwhelmed with love and acceptance… this is how it should’ve gone with her mom. “Thank you, thank you, really.”

“Always, sweetheart,” Wayne looks at her with so much love in his heart. And then to Eddie, he reaches out his other hand to hold them both and he sits up a bit straighter for his own announcement. “I think it’s 'bout time you both know I’ve been seein’ someone, too… it’s serious, he’s coming over to meet you both around 8.”

“Oh, that’s wonderful,” Roxy is overjoyed for him. “What’s his name?”

“Scott Clarke,” Eddie answers with a knowing smile.

“How’d you—

“Do you just like talking to Steve and Robin on Sundays before work…? Is that why you bring the tapes all the way up to the desk instead of the drop-off bin outside?” Eddie questions, smirking away, enjoying the shade of pink Wayne was turning. “They’re not dumb.”

“Oh hush, you should be happy for me!” Wayne shoots back.

“I am!” Eddie squeezes his hand a bit tighter, shaking it too. “How’d it happen?”

“Yeah, tell us everything?” Roxy adds, the same big smile plastered to her own face.

“He was takin’ names at the shelter after the quake, he knew I’d need a friend and he put his cot next to mine… we talked for 2 days before Dustin told me about Eddie, it was the worst week of my life but Scott made it a bit better,” Wayne shares, laying his whole heart on the line. “I know it must be weird for both of you, you know, I was with your mom and Eddie’s seen me date ladies over the years, but never a man… not that I didn’t see men, I just haven’t felt— I haven’t been brave enough to bring a man here, not until Eddie came out to me.”

Roxy lays her other hand on top of his, holding him close, “There isn’t a time limit on coming out, you know? It’s actually really normal to not know as early as we do,” she references to herself and Eddie. “You get to be happy and yourself for the rest of your life now… I just hope he’s good to you.”

“He’s wonderful,” Wayne swoons. “I can’t even begin to tell ya, you’ll just have to find out when you meet him.”

“I can’t wait.”

“Me either,” Eddie agrees, even though he knows Mr. Clarke. “You know he taught me that first year I lived here, in the trailer, right?”

Wayne nods, “he said you were a little shit and I couldn’t agree more.”

“Oh, I see,” Eddie playfully rolls his eyes. “But, no, really, he is a great guy, Rox. He’s one of the best teachers around, he actually asked me to keep an eye out for Dustin when he moved up to high school.”

“He did?” Wayne didn’t know that.

Eddie nods, “Yeah, last September, apparently Dustin and Mike were walking down to the middle school to have lunch with him every day and he so sent them my way instead.”

“He has a huge heart,” Wayne can’t sing his praise any louder, even the look on his face screams love. He’s so gone for a science teacher of all people. It’s cute. Eddie’s really happy for him.

“You guys serious?” Eddie can’t help but wonder cause Wayne looks like he’s in love.

Wayne nods, “I’m thinking I might start staying at his place on Saturday nights, so you’d have the trailer to yourself… with Steve.”

“He has an empty house 7 days a week, if we wanted alone time we’d go there,” Eddie reminds him with a smirk. “I don’t think he swings this way, however.”

“Ah…” Roxy grits her teeth and tilts her head, thinking differently. “I wouldn’t say that.”

“You can like both, clearly,” Wayne references to himself, dropping both their hands and crossing his arms. “Seriously, how could he not like you?”

“Thanks, dad… I’m really glad we can talk to each other like this,” he softens again. “It’s nice.”

“I always want you to come talk to me, both of you,” he looks back and forth between them. “I love you.”

They both say it back to him at the same time, only Eddie says it a little bit faster, sticking his tongue out at Roxy right after. “I win.”

“This time,” Roxy teases back. “You know, we should take that family photo you wanted,” Roxy reminds Wayne, standing from the table to find her purse.

“Maybe we can get Scott to take it?” Wayne suggests, “It’ll look better that way.”

—

They’re all laughing when there’s a knock at the door, making all their heads spin towards it. “He’s here,” Wayne gleams, standing up from the table to go and answer it. “Scotty.”

“Hey,” Scott walks into the trailer and right into Wayne's arms, holding him tight with his face in Wayne's neck. He breathes him in quickly and then pulls back with a smile and then he notices the other two people in the room. “Oh, oh, hi…”

“Scotty, these are my kids… you know Eddie already but, this is Roxy.”

“Hello,” Roxy comes right over and puts out her hand, “it’s so nice to meet you.”

Scott shakes her hand gently, “You look so much like Wayne, it’s remarkable… he said you looked a lot like Eddie but I had no idea this much.”

She smiles, turning back to Eddie, “We need to start telling people we’re twins.”

“I’m 2 years older than you,” he snips back.

“So, when you turn 21 we can use it to our advant—”

“Okay, hush with that,” Wayne steps in, smiling the whole time, “you can be delinquents when he goes home.”

“Sorry… hey, Mr. Clarke,” Eddie just gives him a little wave.

“Scott is just fine, it’s been ages since I was your teacher,” Scott can’t help but laugh.

“Hmm, I don’t know, you’re always gonna be Mr. Clarke the only good teacher I’ve ever had,” Eddie compliments him in his own way, “it’ll be nice to have you around more.”

“And you’re both okay with this?” Scott looks so genuinely worried. He knows Wayne well enough already to know that his kids are his world, even if it’s only been a few days since he found out about Roxy.

“Super okay with it,” Roxy assures, “I always wanted a dad and now I might get two…”

“Wait, can we call you our stepdad, now?”

“No.” Wayne shakes his head at the same time that Scott lights up with a very enthusiastic, “Yes!”

“Really?” Wayne looks at him, full of shock and awe.

He nods, “If you’re okay with it?”

Wayne holds his hand a bit tighter. “Well, how would you like to take a photo of me and your stepkids?”

They get him the camera, they gather on the couch, one kid on either side of Wayne and they all smile. It’s the same smile. Their eyes light up with little wrinkles around them, they have dimples on their left cheeks, and they’re 100% a family. No tests needed.

—

“Is there like an ice cream place here at all?” Roxy asks, wanting to break away for a bit. “We should go hang out, just us.”

“Uh, not really? But we can get something at the 7/11?” Eddie suggests, “Come on, I’ll drive… Wayne, you guys want anything from the store?”

“I’m good, you good?” He asks Scott, arm around him while they sit on the couch.

“I’m fine, thank you,” Scott just scoots in closer to Wayne and smiles, he’s overjoyed with being out and supported for the first time in his life.

“We’ll be back,” Eddie announces, he holds the front door open and lets Roxy out first, following quickly behind her and towards his van.

They hop in at the same time, slamming their doors in tandem. He shoves the key in the ignition and turns it, starting his noisy van with a rumble. They buckle up, he throws her in reverse and he whips them around with a smile, “Do you drive at all?”

She shakes her head, “no, I didn’t really need to drive cause I had a bus system to get around in Chicago… I really liked the bus.”

“We have 1 bus but it only takes people into Indianapolis and it’s 3 times a week,” Eddie shares, “did you have to go to Indy first before you got here?”

“I did, it took a few hours and I could only bring 2 bags of my things, but, it’s what I had to do,” she explains with a sigh, looking out the window at her new town.

“If you want to go back and get some stuff we can use my van,” he offers, “it’s only fair.”

“I can ask Steve to help, you don’t have to—

“Really?” He almost can't believe it. “Why?”

“It’s not like that, believe me, he just… he asked me to call him instead of you if it involves coming to my apartment and Wayne told me why,” she explains, knowing this is going to suck to talk about. “I’m sorry, Eddie.”

“Oh,” he didn’t expect either of them to tell her. At least not so soon. “It’s okay, I should be over it by now…”

“No, you don’t have to get over it! She was your mom,” Roxy pushes back. “I don't want you to come over if it’s going to bring everything back, we can hang out at the trailer or with your friends and Steve made it clear he will drive me home for you.”

“Don’t lead him on,” Eddie blurts out. He can’t help but worry.

“I don’t plan on it.”

“It’s just… He thinks you’re pretty and he hasn’t gone on a date since everything happened in March, so that means he really liked you… I’m not saying call it off and ditch him, just… just don’t string him along and leave me with the tangled mess,” Eddie begs. “I love him too much to see him hurt.”

“And he loves you the same,” Roxy points out. “He was adamant about keeping you from the apartment and I saw the eyes you gave each other at the party… and the way he looks at you like you hung the moon is admirable. I want something like that.”

“You really think so?”

“Absolutely,” Roxy gleams, making Eddie believe it too. “Wayne said you two are basically inseparable, he was genuinely surprised when you said you weren’t going to see him tonight.”

“I want to, believe me… it’s just-- I don’t want to talk to him about you right now, he’s really into you all cause you look like me,” Eddie explains, “you’re the safe option for him.”

“Safe?”

“Straight. Normal, appropriate,” he lists off some synonyms for her. “It’s everything I can’t give him.”

It breaks her heart a little to hear but she understands it perfectly. She stares at him for a moment, wanting to do something to help but she doesn’t know what… “do you want me to talk to him about it?”

“What?” He panics a bit.

“I don’t know, man, maybe I could relate to him? I know what this is like… it’s not easy growing up in a family that looks at you but doesn’t see you, they have this whole life imagined out for you and you never fulfil their dreams and then you have to accept that in order to be yourself and be happy you have to leave them. If he wants to be happy, if he wants you, he should be able to have that, even if never talking to your mom again hurts like a son-of-a-bitch.”

He pulls into the 7/11 parking lot just then and parks, slowly he turns the van off and looks over at her with the gentlest eyes. She’s crying slightly, wishing she wasn’t but it hurts too much to pretend anymore. “I’m so sorry…”

“It’s okay, I’m going to be okay here,” she wipes her tears and gives him a little smile. “But I can talk to him.”

“Okay,” Eddie agrees, it’s a better idea than Will’s, and easier than Robin’s advice to just tell Steve himself. “I want to tell him I love him for the first time, myself, though, okay?”

“Perfectly reasonable,” she swoons. “I’d do anything for you, Eddie… I think this new life is going to be good for me and I wouldn’t have it without you.”

He takes his seatbelt off and reaches over for a hug, she does the same, meeting him halfway to squeeze him tightly. He digs his chin into her shoulder, closing his eyes and relaxing.

Finally.

—

She spends most of Sunday in bed, tired from the last few days. Moving was stressful, finding her dad was rewarding and sharing her feelings was way too vulnerable… she needed to recover. She wanted to spend the next 72 hours under her covers, alone, without any responsibilities… but that wasn’t possible.

She had a date with Steve and his feelings tonight.

Her plan was simple enough, they were going to have dinner and a chat and she was going to invite him back to share a bottle of vodka she stole from her grandma before she left… she was going to share her own feelings with him and in return, he’d tell her all of his own.

And she wanted to ask about Robin… she’s so pretty and funny and kind… it wasn’t hard to daydream about a date with her instead. If things went right with Steve, he could put in a good word and maybe, just maybe, she’ll finally get to kiss another girl. She stared at Robin’s lips a little too much on Friday, she talked a mile-a-minute and her smile was beautiful, Roxy couldn’t help but stare. Couldn’t help but think about kissing her lips and holding her hands and telling her just how beautiful she is. She deserves to know someone’s falling for her, she deserves to be fawned over. She deserves the world.

Instead of dwelling on what could be, she rolls herself out of bed and into the shower. It feels nice to take care of herself after such a rough week, she spends a little extra time in there just to relax before she has to do her hair and maybe some makeup… she doesn’t want to lead him on at all. She wanted to be his friend, badly. But nothing more.

She gets ready quite quickly, cleans up her apartment in case he takes her up on her offer to come over and then she waits for him downstairs, in front of the building.

“Hey!” Steve calls out, his windows all rolled down, he barely had the time to turn down his music.

She hops into the passenger seat with a smile, “Hey, there.”

“You look nice!” Steve compliments her, “You ready?”

She nods, “Yeah, thanks. Let’s go, I’m starving.”

Once she’s got her seatbelt on, Steve takes off down the road, music on low, he tosses a smile her way and then goes back to the road, “How are you?”

“Good… tired, but good.”

“Don’t tell me sleeping problems run in the Munson genes?” He teases.

She laughs, “It does, but I slept okay. I’m just tired from moving and all the social stuff I’ve been doing.”

“Yeah, I feel that, tomorrow is my last day off for the next week,” he shares.

“How late did you work last night?” She asks.

“Closed at 10, was home around 10:45 after doing paperwork and dropping Robin off,” he explains. “I went over to the trailer but it looked like a full house, I didn’t want to intrude, so I just went home.”

“Yeah, we did Father's Day dinner yesterday cause it was Wayne's only day off,” she pressed her lips together awkwardly, not saying that Eddie was avoiding him.

“Oh shit, it's fathers day today…”

“Forget to call your dad?”

He shakes his head, “We don’t call each other unless we need to… like if I burned the house down or my mom was in the hospital.”

“Oh,” she nods along. She was right. She could sense it in him, their lives were similar.

Before she knows it, Steve is pulling up to a diner with a big blue and red neon sign illuminating the parking lot, making up for the lack of sunshine today. It was gloomy and gross out, something she was used to in Chicago and it followed her here.

Steve opens her door for her, takes her hand to help her out and she smiles awkwardly as she thanks him. Wiping her hand off on her pant leg without meaning to, she keeps a bit of distance from him on the walk-in. He holds the door for her, lets her pick their booth and sits on the side facing the door so he can see everyone who walks in. He’s a protector type. No wonder Eddie was safe with him during whatever happened in March.

They order pretty fast, both getting burgers and fries and a couple of cokes. The lady takes the order, she leaves them alone and they basically are. No one's in tonight, which is weird for Father's Day… but Steve says most families moved away after the earthquake, and those who stayed can’t really afford to eat out that often with repairs.

They talk about the town, about his friends, the school he went to and she shares stories about living in the city. It’s nice. She can see why Eddie likes him so much. He’s easy to talk to, he’s kind, and even though she’s not into dudes, he is really pretty.

She starts to pull apart at the piece of bun that fell off her burger and she eats it little by little as the conversation lulls to a halt. She feels awkward, he does too, so she says the first thing that comes to mind.

Robin.

“How long have you been friends with Robin?”

“Oh, uh, I think a full year now,” he can’t believe it as he says it. “We started working together last summer at the mall… before it burned down.”

“And you looked for another job together? That’s so cute,” she swoons. “Your friendship seems adorable.”

“And you have nothing to worry about, she is strictly a friend. Platonic with a capital P as she would say,” he recalls with a fond smile. “She’s more of a sister to me than anything, I feel like we were separated at birth or something.”

“No, that’s good, really good actually,” she makes a note of that. Hopefully, Robin didn’t have any romantic interest in him either. “My dad said you’re a huge flirt so I was wondering why you never flirted with her last night…”

“I’m not a huge flirt?” He’s taken aback by that, “I’m just nice to the people I like…”

“So you like my brother?” She teases him, she’s always picked up on the way Steve was with Eddie and vice versa.

There was an obvious tension there.

He stutters and turns a deep red, “what? no…”

She leans in close and drops her voice so no one outside of their booth can hear her, “Is that why you asked me out? Cause I’m like a girl version of Eddie?”

He buries his face in his hands and rests his elbows against the table with a groan, “how’d you figure me out so easily?”

“Steve, this is perfect,” she reaches over and pats the top of his head as he looks up at her. She brushes his hair out of his face and smiles, keeping her voice low and just between them, she tells him the truth. “I was worried I wouldn’t find the queer scene in Hawkins, or if there even was one…? Do you know other gay people?”

“I’m not…” he can’t even say the word, “but yeah, I do? Wait, are you saying you’re—”

“Gay?” She confirms with a nod. “The gayest. I love women so much I almost passed out when I saw Robin for the first time.”

“Oh, she’s going to love this,” he leans back against the booth and shakes his head with a building smile on his face and then he flicks his attention back to her. “Wait, so, you’re not mad I asked you out but don’t really have feelings for you?”

She shakes her head, “you’re still paying, right?” She teases, not caring in the slightest. Having him as a friend was going to be nice.

“Of course,” it was a no-brainer to him. “Can I ask you something?”

She nods, “anything?”

“Robin always jokes about being the gay cousin in her family, so if you’re gay does that mean that Eddie won’t be?” He asks, legitimately believing the joke.

“Steve, honey, that’s not a real statistic,” she wants to laugh at how absurd it was but he genuinely doesn’t know. “And why would it matter… you said you’re not gay?”

He shrugs, “I’m not… I mean, I—I can’t talk about it here.”

“That’s okay, but you should talk to someone about it… I’m done here if you want to go?” She offers, “I have a bottle of vodka at my apartment if you really want to get your feelings out?”

“I would actually love that…”

—

She sets the bottle and two shot glasses down on the table, “I only have Mountain Dew for a chaser… is that okay?”

“Yeah,” Steve really didn’t care. “It’s been a bit since I’ve gotten drunk… we’ve had too much going on these last few months.”

“I bet, I can’t believe how often your town was on the news lately,” she says from the kitchen. “Did you get hurt in the earthquake at all?”

“I got hurt before… it’s a long story, I’m not even sure I can talk about it all. I can say it sucked, though,” he manages to give her a smile as she places the cans in front of him. “It was the worst week of my life. And I’ve been through some shit.”

Steve pours them each a shot before she even sits down on the couch beside him. He can feel his heart beating 10 times as fast and his hands are clammy, but this is the best chance he has at getting all this shit out of him that’s haunted him for years. If he told Robin she’d give him a hug and she’d support him through it, obviously, and he’d love that but he doesn’t ever want her to look at him and know that she sees him differently… and Eddie. He can’t tell Eddie because if Eddie knew, he’d really kill someone and he’d really go away this time.

Roxy is the best option. She’s safe, she’s kind, she’s gay… she has no idea who Steve Harrington is, he can’t ruin his reputation if it doesn’t exist here.

He downs the shot and cracks open the mountain dew to chase it, coughing a bit, he makes a funny face, “God, that’s awful.”

“I stole it before I left,” she admits, reaching for her own shot. “I doubt my grandma will even notice it’s missing too…”

“Do they know you’re here?”

She nods, “I think so… they don’t really care where I am as long as I’m not being a sinner under their roof.”

“Oh, shit, I’m sorry,” Steve gets it right away. “Did you tell them or did they find out?”

She downs her shot and coughs too, holding her chest with a grimace, “Ugh… I uh, I told them. I only wanted to tell them if I had something lined up after graduation, cause then it wouldn’t matter what they said… I could just leave. Eddie was my ticket out of there. I didn’t need a college to run to or a job to start, I saw him on the news and the reporter said he ran the dnd club and had a band and there were rumours he was queer and I knew if my mom didn’t support me that my dad might.”

“I’m sorry,” Steve whispers, reaching out and laying his hand on her knee for a moment. He gives her a gentle pat and then reaches back to the bottle for another shot.

She shrugs it off, pretending she’s fine. “It’s okay, I guess… I told Wayne last night and he was exactly as wonderful as I expected. So was Eddie…”

“Obviously,” Steve says through the burn of the shot. “Even though Eddie’s never said the words out loud, to me, I know… and he knows I know. I assume he’s also told Wayne by now and even if he hasn’t, I remember Eddie told me one night that Wayne picked him up from a sleepover and he told him he was always going to love him no matter what… and that sleepover was the first time he thought about wanting to kiss another boy and it was like Wayne always knew… like maybe he saw himself in Eddie.”

“Yeah, I think that’s right… and you know about his boyfriend, right? It was Robins theory but—”

“Oh, no, I know!” Steve lights right up at that, “It is Mr. Clarke isn’t it?

“He told me and Eddie last night at dinner, and we met him, he’s adorable with Wayne,” Roxy beams, “did Eddie tell you anything about last night?”

Steve shakes his head, his face goes glum again, “No, it’s been radio silence since the party… he didn’t even come into the store these last 2 days.”

“He was busy with Nancy yesterday, she helped him get two copies of adult adoption papers so that Wayne can be both of our dads, he didn’t know that my mom put Wayne on my birth certificate, so I didn’t need a copy, it was just nice that he thought of me,” Roxy looks genuinely happy. She found her place in the world and it’s working out for her.

“So Wayne’s his dad now?”

Roxy nods, “They both signed it so, I think so, yeah.”

“Why didn’t he tell me?”

“He thinks you’re not into him like that,” she’s brutally honest. “He also called dibs on you last night… I mean not in those words, but he did tell me I better not string you along and leave him with your tangled mess. It was kinda poetic…”

Steve groans, “Oh god, he thinks I’m a mess?”

“No, he just can’t deal with you pining over someone else when he loves you so much,” she lets it slip and her eyes go wide. She quickly covers her mouth then, “I wasn’t supposed to say that.”

The alcohol must’ve hit them both at the same time, making her slip up… Steve feels it in his face and in his ears, everything is hot and his heartbeat is loud. It gets more intense as her words settle in. Eddie loves him.

“He loves me?” Steve repeats.

“Of course he does?” She leans right into it. “Wayne told me about Eddie’s history with this place, that’s why you offered to drive me home instead…”

Steve nods, “he doesn’t need any added pain, he’s been through enough.”

“How was he not supposed to fall in love with you?” Roxy can’t help but laugh, “you’d take a bullet for him, wouldn’t you?”

“You have no idea… really… none at all.”

“No, but he does,” she moves the focus right back to Eddie’s love for him. “From his little speech last night, I know his mom died and his dad abandoned him and for a long time it was only Wayne that he could depend on… he wants someone to make the conscious decision and pick him regardless of what’s going on. He wants someone who’s going to stay with him forever and that’s you, Stevie.”

Steve doesn’t know what to say, he stares down at his hands and twiddles his thumbs, pulling at a hangnail real quick… he wants that too but it’s scary. Everything changes if he admits his feelings and they date. Every single aspect of his life changes. It’s so overwhelming he starts to cry, pinching the bridge of his nose, he turns away from her so she won’t see it. But she hears it. He lets out a choked sob, he covers his whole face in shame and loses it.

“Steve,” she moves in closer and wraps her arm around him to rub his back, she shushes him in a soothing tone, “it’s okay, breathe, you’re okay.”

“I want that…” he says through the tears. “I just… I can’t— I can’t love him quietly. You know?”

She knows a bit too well. “I know.”

“My dad’ll kill me,” he tries so hard not to sob, biting his lip so it won’t wobble.

“Can I be honest?”

He just nods, scared but he wants to hear it.

“I met your parents on Friday night—

“No?”

“Hopper and Joyce love you like family. Robin is your sister, Dustin loves you like a brother, those other kids look up to you and even your ex-girlfriend still loves having you in her life,” Roxy recounts, she saw the way everyone treated each other. She noticed how much of a family they are.

Steve knows she’s right but it’s easier said than done.

“I told them at my graduation dinner, right after the cake… they asked me when I was going to get a boyfriend and settle down if I wasn’t going to go to school and I said never, cause I’m a lesbian,” she stops to stare off at the wall, taking a few breaths with her tongue caught between her teeth. “They uh, they were quiet and then my mom lost it.”

Steve doesn’t know what to say, he goes to say he’s sorry but she cuts him off.

“It wasn’t ‘you’re going to hell’ or ‘you’re a sinner’ or anything I expected. She was mad because my grandma never let her boyfriends move in—not after what happened…”

“God, I’m sorry,” Steve can’t believe it.

“She said I can’t be gay cause I was always leading her boyfriends on and if I am then she wasted the last few years being single and not having dudes over just because of me… like it’s somehow my fault all the men she loved were fucking creeps?” Roxy can’t help but rant, it just falls out of her. “She was always a bitch, she never gave a single fuck about my feelings and it’s not like she was around that much so it shouldn’t hurt this bad but—

“No, I get it… my parents are nowhere near the best parents in Hawkins like they barely crack the top 1000, but the idea of them unloading all the shit I’ve heard them say about other gay people onto me is going to kill me, if he doesn’t,” Steve empathizes. “And I can’t get an apartment, I’ve only been working this last year and it’s not like I have a trust fund or life savings, if they find out I have to find a way to live on $6.50 an hour.”

“You could move in here,” she offers, “we could split the rent?”

“Then Eddie won’t come over,” he reminds her. “I’d be doing all this for him… none of the other dudes I’ve had crushes on were ever worth coming out for.”

“You know, Wayne’s not going to let you go homeless either… everyone in your life will offer to take you in if your parents kick you out.”

“The last thing I want is to feel like a burden on everyone,” he admits, reaching for the vodka again, he takes a swig right from the bottle this time.

“Ew, gross,” she snatches the bottle back from him. “If you want to go crazy, I’ll get you a bigger glass.”

She stands up and her eyes go wide as her balance gets thrown, “fuck, okay, I’m good.”

“Do you get drunk often?” Steve asks, watching her walk back over to her tiny kitchen.

“Uhhhh… I tend to drink alone,” she admits as she returns with two regular glass cups. She sets them down and pours at least 3 shots into Steve's glass, less in her own. “I’ve never been invited to a house party or had friends that wanted to come over…”

“In my experience, there’s never a guest list for house parties, you can just show up,” Steve knows from experience. “I don’t think I’ve ever gotten an explicit invitation…”

“So you’re a partier and a flirt…”

“Some would say I’m a slut,” he picks up his glass and gives her a cheers. “Robin, specifically, used to call me a slut, actually.”

“Used to?”

He just nods, pouring his Mountain Dew into the vodka so it’s easier to down quickly. “I’m going through a dry spell.”

“It’s only a dry spell if you’re trying to get dates,” she calls him out, guessing that he’s been too hung up on Eddie to really make a move on someone else.

And she’d be right.

“At first it was just cause I was busy taking care of everyone and everything… me and Eddie were in the hospital for a few days and Dustin sprained his ankle, that took a while to heal and you should see how he gets when he’s even slightly sick or sore, he’s a total baby,” Steve complains but he clearly loves it. “And then we went back to work and Robin started seeing Vickie and having her sleepovers so I kept going to see Eddie and it just became so routine, I mean, I have a toothbrush in his bathroom and his clothes are in my drawers…”

“How long have you known?”

“That I love him or?”

“I’ve known that I like girls since I was 5 and I discovered the bra section in the Macy’s Christmas catalogue,” Roxy can’t help but smile, it’s just the tiniest bit embarrassing. “It made my heart race and a part of me felt a little shameful but, they’re just so pretty and they looked so soft… and I’ve never felt that way about a boy. Sure, you’re cute, and Argyle was handsome and I can see why Nancy likes Johnathan… but Robin, oh my god?” She sighs, tipping her head back, and staring up at the ceiling. “She’s so pretty.”

Steve just laughs, “Yeah, I thought I was in love with her for about 3 days last year… It turns out I have a hard time differentiating between romantic love and platonic love at first.”

“But you know how you love Eddie?”

“Pretty terrifyingly positive,” Steve admits, sipping on his drink, he holds it close to his chest like a hug and stares off at her wall. “I thought I just wanted to kiss him, at first, something about watching him talk made my heart feel like a magnet and I kept getting closer and closer and I wanted him to devour me with those lips… he kissed me in his sleep once. He rolled over and wrapped his arm around me, he kissed the back of my neck and snuggled in and— and thats when it all hit me.”

“And you’ve never told anyone that before?” Roxy can’t believe it, not even Robin has heard this before and she can tell from the look on his face.

“It’s nice having someone to talk to who doesn’t know anything about me. And it’s even nicer that you feel so much like home,” he smiles at her, his shoulders drop and all the tension in his system disappears. “You have no idea who I am, what I’ve done… he knows everything.”

“You need to talk to him,” Roxy says with a sigh, she can’t say anything more. Eddie wanted to be the first one to tell Steve he really loved him, Roxy couldn’t take that from him. “Do you want to use my phone? You need to talk to him.”

“No, no, no,” Steve shakes his head, waving one of his hands. “No, I’m not saying it on the phone, I have to go see him.”

“You can’t drive?!” she reminds him, her voice getting a bit louder than she expected. “Seriously, Steve.”

“So, I’ll walk,” he goes to stand but he’s a bit wobbly. He’s had a quarter of the bottle and all he ate today was dinner.

“No,” she reaches out for his hand. “I’ll call him, he’ll come get you. He’s not afraid to come here, especially not if it’s for you.”

“Fine,” Steve slams himself back down onto the couch, “but we’re waiting outside for him…”

“Okay,” Roxy agrees, heading over to the phone on the wall. She hasn’t had to make a call yet, she really hoped it worked.

Wayne’s number is on a piece of paper taped to the wall, she put it there for when she’d eventually need it and thank god… she was a little too tipsy to dig through all her shit looking for it now. She dials the number quickly, she holds the receiver to her ear and she waits… and waits… but nothing.

“I don’t think he’s home?”

“Ah, fuck,” Steve’s head slumps forward with a sigh, he waits just a second and then tugs himself back up to his feet. “555-2744, thats Robins, he goes to her when I’m busy.”

He watches Roxy dial the new number and wait again, only this time she gets an answer. “Hey, Robin? It’s Roxy. Yeah, hi…” she gets all smiley, “I’m good, how are you?”

“Hey,” Steve shoves her. “Ask about Eddie.”

“Is Eddie with you?— He is? Can he come pick up Steve? We got drunk and he wants to go home,” Roxy explains, nodding along and then she hangs up. “They’re on their way.”

—

They’re sitting outside on the bench when Eddie pulls up in his van, he throws 'er in park and jumps out just as quickly as Robin. “Is he okay?” She asks first, also reaching Steve first.

“I’m fine,” he pushes Robin's hand off his arm, drunker now since he chugged the rest of his drink. “I wanna go home…”

“I’ll take you home,” Eddie smiles softly, not expecting Steve to stand and throw himself at him. But he does. Eddie catches him with an “Oof, okay, big fella.”

“Just you,” he whispers. “Only wanna go home with you.”

Eddie just holds him, “okay… Robs, can you stay here with Roxy and make sure she doesn’t get drunker without anyone around?”

Robin nods, turning to Roxy, “What got into you two? This was a date, was it not?”

“Nooo!” Both Roxy and Steve turn to her to assure her, hands raised and both mildly disgusted.

“Okay, damn,” she looks back at Steve, unable to read him when he’s drunk, “you be good for Eddie, don’t start running on him like you do with me.”

“That was one time,” Steve points, squinting, he can barely hold himself up, luckily Eddie is there. “I’m fine… I just wanted my Eddie.”

“Well, you got me,” Eddie can’t help but smile. “Come on, let’s get you in the van… goodnight ladies, call me in the morning?”

“I will,” Robin smiles back. “Take care of him, he’s one of a kind.”

“You think I don’t know that?”

“Shh,” Steve covers his mouth, “don’t talk about me like I’m not here.”

Eddie laughs, turning him towards the van and helping him into the passenger seat. He helps him with his seatbelt and takes a leap of faith… he kisses Steve on the forehead quickly, “Stay put, I’m just running around to the driver's side, okay?”

Steve grabs his arm and holds him there, staring into his eyes, pouting slightly. “Don’t be long? I always miss you…”

“I won’t,” Eddie assures him, pulling away and shutting the door. He turns back to the girls, who are watching intently. “See ya.”

“Bye,” they wave in tandem.

He rushes around to his side and hops in quickly, “see, I’m speedy.”

“Mhm,” Steve closes his eyes and leans back against the headrest, slightly turning towards Eddie.

He starts the van and pulls out into the street carefully, heading back towards Steve's place… it was always weird to think they lived so close, the trailer park and Kerley were only separated by a farmer's field. It would take 10 minutes to walk. They shared the same bus all through school for crying out loud.

The drive is quiet, Eddie almost thinks Steve is asleep until he speaks. “You missed the turn?”

“I’m going to your house?”

“No, I wanted to go home,” Steve whines.

Eddie’s heart swells as he takes a deep breath, realizing that Steve means the trailer.

His house isn’t his home.

Eddie is.

#steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #steve harrington fanfiction #eddie munson fanfiction #stranger things fanfiction #steddie fanfiction

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moghedien · 2 years

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Max in Oz

For many reasons, I was thrilled with the Wizard of Oz allusions in episode six. I’ve always been obsessed with the film, I read Wicked at entirely too young an age, and I love that they used its real connections into the queer community to explore the queer community of the 1940s. However, there’s also a deeply selfish reason why I was thrilled to see the Wizard of Oz featured heavily, and that’s because not even a month before the show came out, I had just finished reading all fourteen of L. Frank Baum’s Oz books. The fact that this lined up was pure coincidence; I didn’t even know the show existed until a few days after it had been out. Just having spent so long in Oz, and then to see Oz used as a sort of metaphor for queer community, was wonderful for multiple reasons but it also had me thinking of connections. Not between the film and the show, but between the books and the show. Specifically, it had me thinking a lot about parallels between Dorothy from the books as she goes through Oz and the queer storyline of Max Chapman.

If you’ve read any of my previous essays, expect this one to be a bit different. Mostly because I won’t just be pulling from details in the show, but also explaining some elements of the Oz books. I will not expect people to have read those books and will do my absolute best to provide as much explanation as is needed, but expect this one to be slightly more literary.

I’ll have to explain Oz a bit before we get into it.

Most people are familiar with the 1939 film, which is a wonderful film, but it also differs dramatically from the books in a handful of ways. The most profound way it differs is Oz itself. The film takes the approach of framing Oz to be a dream Dorothy has after being injured by the tornado. The Scarecrow, Tin Woodman, Cowardly Lion, Wicked Witch of the West, and Wizard are all people that she knew in Kansas. This is not the case for the books.

In the books, Oz is real. Very real. It is a fairy land that Dorothy visits by accident, but is actually transported to. The people she meets there are not analogs for people she knew in Kansas and are their own very real persons. She doesn’t leave Oz simply by waking up, but has to be physically transported back to Kansas. When she does return, she’s under no illusion that it was a very, very real place. It’s a place that is both frightening and confusing to her at first, and yet where she meets friends like she’s never seen or had before. Still, at the end she chooses to go home and return to her life on the farm with her family. This is a very brief and unspecific summary of the first book, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, and if we keep with the show’s metaphor of Oz being the queer community, it fits with Max’s first dabblings into queerness.

She said that she was 17 the first time she had a queer experience. We can assume that the “woman” being referenced in this is Leah, who we first see her with in episode 2. Given that Max doesn’t give Carson any details about other women, we can also assume that Leah was the only connection to queerness that Max had for a while. One brief glimpse at what it's like to be among people like her, but when it's over she still chooses to go home and continue living her life as she had been doing. Its confirmation that people like her exist, but not really being a part of a larger group.

Dorothy was a stranger in Oz the entire first book. She didn’t understand anything and was among people she liked, but still mostly alone. The same can be said for Max. We don’t know that she knew of any other queer people beside Leah. When she sees Carson and Greta kissing, she doesn’t seem alarmed by it but maybe a bit surprised. That could literally just be that she was startled at being caught in the closet with them (unintentional wordplay but it works), but even so seeing two random women kissing doesn’t automatically connect you to them just because you’re all queer. Especially when they’re two white women, and one of them just caught you seeming to spy on them. Max isn’t the only queer person in her world just like Dorothy isn’t the only earthling in Oz. The Wizard is there too. As is Toto (it should be noted that Toto is a lot more of a full character in the books and even gets dialogue later). But just like Dorothy doesn’t really connect with the Wizard in any serious sense in this first book, Max doesn’t connect immediately connect with these other queer people (like Carson) she happens to find. Those connections happen eventually, but it takes time.

Now, because Oz is a real place in the books, it's a place that can be returned to, and Dorothy does on many occasions. The fact that she returns so often is what’s driving this analysis, in fact. But before we touch upon Dorothy’s return, I need to explain the second Oz book. Because you see, Dorothy isn’t in Baum’s second Oz book at all. The main character of this book, The Marvelous Land of Oz (1904), is one of the best parts of Baum’s series and someone who’s background will need to be understood for the continuation of this essay. So, allow me to explain Princess Ozma of Oz.

I’ll avoid explaining the entire plot of The Marvelous Land of Oz, but the main character of that book is presented as a young boy named Tip. This main character was raised by a cruel witch. After a series of adventures that include entirely new characters and the old friends of Dorothy, an all female army that had taken control of Emerald City decides to step down once a specific detail about the main character is revealed. That being that this young boy named Tip is actually a young girl named Ozma and is the rightful ruler of Oz. This comes as a surprise even to Ozma at first, who had been presented as male throughout the entire book, up until the final pages. In these final pages, Glinda provides a gender transformation that turns Ozma into the girl that she is meant to be and from then on, she is only ever considered to be a girl. Ozma is a main character throughout the rest of the series, and the few times when her gender is discussed, it is done like this:

“Princess Ozma once brought him to life with a witch-powder, when she was a boy.”

“Was Ozma once a boy?” asked Zeb, wonderingly.

“Yes; a wicked witch enchanted her, so she could not rule her kingdom. But she’s a girl now, and the sweetest, loveliest girl in all the world.”" - From Dorothy and the Wizard in Oz (1908) by L. Frank Baum

Now, the reason why Ozma is so important for this analysis is two-fold. One, Ozma is without a doubt the most explicitly queer character in Oz canon. Ozma is literally a transgender character. I do not think that Baum’s intention was to write a queer or trans character with her; I highly doubt he would have even been aware of the concept of transgenderism. Regardless of whatever his intent with her was, I don’t think there’s any fair interpretation of Ozma that can be done that doesn’t include her being trans, as she is literally raised as a boy and is then transformed into a girl as part of her happy ending.

The second reason why Ozma is important is because her relationship with Dorothy is pivotal to Dorothy’s future in Oz. The next time Dorothy goes to Oz, it’s again by mistake as she and a chicken are thrown overboard while on a boat on their way to Australia (that is the most normal thing about these books ok). This happens in the third book, Ozma of Oz (1907), and as you might imagine from the title, it's when she meets Ozma for the first time.

Now I’ve been talking about Oz for a while, so let’s go back to Max, specifically when Max takes what I’ll call her second real dive into queerness. Initial assumptions might be that it's when she starts blackmailing Carson and interacting with her more, but no. Max doesn’t initially seek out Carson again because of queerness other than that she can blackmail Carson because of her queerness. That’s more about baseball and they don’t start discussing their mutual queerness until later. Carson plays an important role with helping Max make certain decisions, but they’re still largely in separate worlds. No, Max’s second real experience with queerness is when she gets introduced to Bertie.

Before Max (or the audience) really meet Bertie, we get a few mentions of him and one shot of him riding down the street on a motorcycle. The first mention of Bertie is all the way back in the second episode and from then up until when Max actually meets him, he is always misgendered. We don’t have enough context to know this yet, and we don’t even know that Bertie is queer yet. Neither does Max though, until she hears her parents discussing him when they think she isn’t listening. What is clear is that there is backstory with Bertie. He has an entire history and life up until this point in which Max isn’t really involved. People she knows are involved in Bertie’s life, but not her

Like Dorothy and Ozma, Max and Bertie have similar but separate stories up to this point. Their stories include the same characters, but in different contexts and in different periods of time. They know of each other to an extent, but have never really met. Dorothy is a young farm girl who keeps getting drawn to a place she finds strange but wonderful. Max is a young queer girl who is struggling to figure herself out and figure out why she’s drawn to certain things. Ozma is a trans girl who, by the time Dorothy meets her, is ruling Oz and seems to be sure of herself in that position and literally comes to save Dorothy when she finds herself in danger. Bertie is a trans man who has clearly established a life for himself that actively embraces his queerness and the community, and he continously helps Max as she finds herself confused and unsure about herself and her queer identity.

These parallels are obvious if you know to look for them. I doubt they’re intentional just because the Oz books are so different from the movies, and less people are aware of them, but it's still there. This alone is not why I want to discuss Max's relation to Oz though. Because while the parallels are there and fun to look at and point out, they wouldn’t be all that important if they didn’t say something. And I feel like if you look at Dorothy’s journey throughout the rest of the Oz books, you can pick up on some things about where Max is going.

To keep things as brief as possible, Dorothy meets Ozma in the third book and they become instant friends. They go on some adventure to solve some problems with the rest of their friends, and at the end of the book, Dorothy is sent home. Or in this case, she’s sent to Australia. This is more or less what happens for the next three or so books (albeit she’s not sent back to Australia again but wherever she was on Earth). Dorothy finds herself in Oz somehow, usually with some other earthling that accidentally tagged along. She meets up with Ozma and the rest of her friends (but Ozma is always explicitly prominent as she’s basically the second main character from here on), they have a nonsense adventure or solve some problem, and then Dorothy goes home. That eventually changes, however.

In the sixth Oz book, The Emerald City of Oz (1910), Dorothy makes her final real journey to Oz in Baum’s original books. This is her final journey because at the end of the book, she doesn’t return to Kansas. She is made a princess of Oz and lives with Ozma in her palace. She stays in Oz and from this point on, Oz is the only home she has.

If you read the book, you can also very clearly tell that Baum was trying to end the Oz books here (which clearly didn’t happen) because he wraps up Dorothy’s story and everyone else’s so neatly. The Wizard is also in Oz again, as are Dorothy’s aunt and uncle, and it is made clear that they are never going back to earth. This is the perfect ending for them: being able to live peacefully in Oz and never, ever go back to where they came from.

This is a perfect ending for Dorothy, but when I parallel this with Max, it might seem a bit more alarming. Let’s not immediately jump to the most dramatic conclusions though, and instead look at Max’s journey into Oz after she begins having a relationship with her Uncle Bertie.

With Bertie in her life, she suddenly gets to see this world open up around her that she never saw before. She finds out that Gracie, one of her coworkers, is actually Bertie’s wife (though I’m unsure if they ever actually use that word or any specific term). She finds new ways to present herself that feel right and like herself. She finds a whole world of queerness that she didn’t know existed until she is literally welcomed into their home.

She also meets Esther, and by meeting Esther, she eventually gets not only a relationship with someone she genuinely has feelings for, but she gets to pursue her dreams of playing baseball. By taking the time to explore this queer, Ozian side of herself, Max stumbles into everything she ever wanted. You see her happy in ways she wasn’t before and you see her figuring out who she is, while still pursuing and achieving the dream that had distracted her from doing that in the past.

Now, compare this side of Max to what she tells Carson right before we see her decide to go to the party.

Before Max came to the party, she couldn’t imagine a world where she made sense. She knew of a handful of people that were sort of like her, but none of them seemed to be fully like her. Even among the other queer people she knew up to this point, she didn’t feel entirely understood. But after she goes to the party, and she sees that there are so many queer people, and so many different types of queerness, she seems more confident in herself. She is willing to explain her feelings to Bertie. She is able to go to Esther and make the first move. And she is rewarded for this every step of the way, with everything she’s ever wanted. And none of this would have happened if Max hadn’t pursued “Oz.”

If she would have stayed in Kansas and lived as she had been, as her mother intended for her to, then nothing would have changed in her life. By actively seeking out this relationship with her uncle and then having a community given to her from there, she is able to not only figure out who she is and what she wants, but she is also able to actually achieve those things for the first time. At the end of the season, she is leaving the place she’s from, where she’s lived her entire life, to travel with Esther and the rest of Red Wright’s All Stars and play ball. Like Dorothy, her happy ending is leaving home.

But unlike Dorothy, we don’t necessarily want her to leave forever, do we? Unlike Dorothy leaving Kansas, we see that Max has a life back in Rockford. Most obviously, Clance is there and Clance is pregnant (and Max doesn’t know that Clance is pregnant!). Their goodbyes to each other are full of clear love and devotion, and no one–least of all them–wants this to be the end of their friendship. There’s also her family that she’s leaving behind. Her relationship with her mother is tense at best, but there is possible growth that could happen there (more on that in a moment). She has a good relationship with her father and that doesn’t seem like something that needs to end. Then there’s also the fact that Bertie is still in Rockford. He may have opened up the world to Max, but if Max doesn’t return to Rockford, then she’s less likely to see him or Gracie again.

These details make me think that this isn’t Max’s final trip to Oz. She isn’t leaving her hometown permanently in order to get her happy ending, because she isn’t at that place yet. There’s still more to her story. Dorothy needed to make the round trip a couple of times. For some time there were still reasons for her to return to Kansas, and for now, it seems there is still reason for Max to come back to Rockford. The main question is how long until she, like Dorothy, has nothing left in Kansas?

Let’s look at Bertie and Toni’s conversation in episode 8.

Bertie is basically warning Toni exactly of this possibility. Now that Max is pursuing the self and world that she actually wants, she will eventually leave parts of her past life behind permanently. One day, she will go to Oz and not come back. But that doesn’t mean leaving everything behind. When Dorothy made a permanent move to Oz, she took her aunt and uncle with her. They were confused by the situation but supportive of her eventually, and they all benefited from the move.

The time for Max may be now, but it may not be and probably isn’t. Regardless, a time will come when Max is so secure and engrained in her queerness that it can’t be something she can step away from when she visits home. Cutting her hair was the first step of this path, as was changing how she dresses, and now she may be at the beginning of a serious relationship with another woman.

What Max leaves behind and what she takes with her will depend on how others react to her at this point. Clance will almost certainly be a permanent fixture in her life, but her family? Like Bertie says, whether or not she has a relationship with her parents will largely depend on how they react. Specifically her mother, as her father seems to accept whatever she chooses. Toni specifically doesn’t use Clance’s pregnancy as a way to bring her home, which is perhaps a good sign, but time still needs to tell. Because Max is just beginning her journeys into Oz, and we don’t yet know what the rest of those journeys will look like for her. But what she takes with her when she fully makes Oz her home will have to depend on the rest of the world.

______________________________________

Other ALOTO essays:

Lupe, Carson, and Gaydar

Queerness, Contamination, and the Neurosis of Shirley Cohen

Greta Gill: Visibility and Isolation

#a league of their own #league of their own #aloto #max chapman #bertie hart #aloto analysis #this isn’t showing up in the tags and it’s really pissing me off I’m trying to fix it so lmk if you see this while looking through tags

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secretagentspydetectiveninja · 4 months

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the cosmic turnabout is underrated af and always overshadowed by turnabout for tomorrow so i'm going to make a list of things that are awesome about it because it's my secret favourite case

it takes place in a SPACE CENTRE with ROCKETS. there are literally ASTRONAUTS. if you're a space enjoyer then this case has the greatest vibe and aesthetic and is made for you. the cutscene at the beginning is so space movie.

just the fact that the guy called apollo is best friends with an astronaut. i bet the localisation team were high fiving each other at how well that worked out

the bit when the judge asks what the bomb transport case is and simon's like "YOUR COFFIN >:D" lmao?????

and you already know from the first case that there's a dead body in there which makes it more cursed which makes it eVEN FUNNIER

actually the fact that this case is quite literally-speaking blown apart by a bomb and the two pieces fall either side of turnabout countdown... it's pretty creative, i know it's weird but i like it

junie gives apollo a raw lotus root and he just. eats it. he eats it raw. stuffs it straight in his mouth. cronch. i don't blame him tho like i don't think i'd be able to have brain cells either if my bestie had just been murdered

speaking of which, CLAY TERRAN IS SO FUCKING COOL I CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO EXPLAIN????? everyone who knew him is always talking about how he was so cool and he loved life and living and apollo and he was always trying to cheer everyone up and make people feel better like an infectious ray of sunshine. he's named after the planet he never got to leave. he's like a mix of apollo and athena's personalities but as a hot astronaut. like if kazuma "i love my BFF" asogi wasn't an edgy emo badboy and was a cheerleader sunshine boy instead. dude is the actual goat and probably my fav victim in the entire series

like they had to kill him off to nerf him bc he would be too powerful otherwise, he's that perfect. he had the secondmost badass death (the most badass was... someone from turnabout revolution. if you know, you know) listen he took part in this cool badass switcharoo with the rockets to save him and sol from a bomb, then he carried a passed-out sol EVEN THOUGH THEY WERE BOTH IN THEIR HEAVY SPACESUITS, AND THEN DEFENDED THE HOPE CAPSULE FROM A SUPERSPY DESPITE BEING EXHAUSTED AND GETTING STABBED AND DYING AND HE SUCCEEDED EVEN THOUGH HE DIED

the original japanese title for this case is "the turnabout that became a star" in case you wanted to cry harder

his friendship with apollo makes me sob like a baby. apollo can barely deal with the grief and he even has the first of his breakdowns we ever see, and now i'm thinking about the backstory of how they met and all the optional dialogue you can get about the two of them and i could talk about how they're also a parallel to aura and metis (and how athena and sol have parallels regarding ptsd in their career fields) but you're not ready for it and it's another essay entirely

it's even mentioned how apollo and clay were competitive over who could achieve their dream first, and when apollo became a lawyer and showed his badge to clay, clay was so fricking happy about it as if he'd achieved his dream too, and supported apollo through the plot of the previous game behind the scenes and just... okay competitive-supportive friendship WHY DOES THAT ALSO REMIND ME OF APOLLO AND ATHENA? man she would be the perfect person to help apollo cope with the loss of clay... if he didn't, you know, suspect her of killing him

actually apollo losing faith in athena is so heavily foreshadowed in the previous case it makes me insane. also in TWO of the previous cases he brings up clay, in fact in turnabout academy he does it so much that athena pesters him about wanting to meet the guy herself so don't give me any of that "clay was never referenced before the case where he suddenly shows up dead" nonsense YES HE WAS and anyway we KNOW apollo hardly ever talks about his personal life at work, it literally becomes a plot point in the following game, so the fact that he rarely mentions clay makes it MORE personal to him imo okay rant over

actually in turnabout academy we find out apollo and clay have a psychic connection (i'm not kidding about this, this is canon) which means apollo probably sensed the exact moment clay got stabbed, i'm gonna die wtf

apollo having the bandage on his eye before the bombing is. chef's kiss. it's so mysterious and then we find out he did it to restrict his own powers so that he would stop doubting athena. i'm not crying i'm fine. and then he looks so badass later with the coat on and he even looks kinda like dhurke. i SAID i'm not crying shut up

apollo!!! leaving the office!!!!! i'm like 90% convinced he still lowkey hates phoenix tbh (this is more relevant in the next case but it does feel apparent here too) like remember in the previous game when he punched him lol?? i wonder if he wishes he could do that again

i've played this case a million times yet i always forget about the bomb going off in the middle of the trial, it's practically a jumpscare. i love it

also apollo and simon both taking the case so deathly seriously while everyone else is just like "haha funny buzz lightyear case" is also chef's kiss. that bit at the end when athena gets accused and suddenly everyone else starts taking it seriously too. it's one of the very rare cases where the canon ending is BAD auuugh i'm not sane enough for this

solomon starbuck talking about what it felt like to be in the HAT-1 is bloody terrifying. i will have nightmares about this scene

ALSO HE WAS CLAY'S FRIEND TOO I'M SMAD. CLAY KNEW ABOUT SOL'S ASTROPHOBIA AND SUPPORTED HIM AND LOOKED UP TO HIM ALL THE SAME. IMAGINE THIS LITTLE GUY STANS YOU AND EVENTUALLY BECOMES YOUR CO-ASTRONAUT AND THEN HE DIES AND YOU GET BLAMED FOR IT. CRYING SCREAMING ETC

yuri cosmos is funny. he's just a guy on a segway who has looney tunes powers. he would have been the incompetent sidekick of detective arme at the trial if she wasn't, you know, a corpse.

Athena Already Knew Ponco And Ponco Already Knew Her *whispers* they are so siblings

she even starts talking like ponco after just a little while of chatting??? god no wonder she couldn't tell the difference between robots and humans when she was a kid, i love her so much

and when you examine the boarding lounge with her, she strongly implies she would be an alienfucker or at least that she supports alienfuckers. i am not making this up i promi s e

AURA BLACKQUILL. 'NUFF SAID.

the plan with the launch pads switching around is wack and i'm actually obsessed with it. i'm picturing clay dragging drugged-up sol through the museum and sol's like "huh the rocket looks weeeeird.. .?" and clay's like "uhhhh nnnope haha, no it doesn't, it looks completely normal and fine, ignore all those exhibits on the walls-" jshfkskfsk

and athena was literally passed out in there in a random corner?? well we don't really find that out until the next case but still??? she was RIGHT THERE???

(i'm sorry i can't shut up about clay) it turns out clay also did the "i'm fine!!" early morning chords of steel exercises, so i imagine him and apollo waking up early every morning to voice call each other and do their i'm fine thing together. apollo cheering encouragement at clay while he's doing his astronaut training just like they used to with solomon. just stab me with a fork made of lava it would hurt less

also when apollo was in the hospital he adjusted his chords of steel workouts to be like "THANK U DOCTOR FOR TAKING CARE OF ME" that's so wholesome??? doesn't stop him ripping off all the bandages in the next case and probably bleeding out in court but whatever, i cannot expect him to be normal in these circumstances

you know how in the previous game, no one ever respects him and he's kinda a loser? well here he gets to do something undeniably BADASS, just like his badass astronaut bestie. he saves junie's life during the bombing. idk if it was a "i just lost my best friend, i'm not letting athena lose hers too" or just being a brave person who wants to protecc his friend or what but i'm just glad he finally gets to be cool in a way that no one can deny. and then the next game takes it to the next level with how badass he gets HOOOOOOO BOY

the bit where apollo is talking to clay about how he doesn't have a mum is supposed to be sad and it definitely is, but if you've played the previous game then it is also hysterical. yeah apollo it's not like you went to her concert or use one of her songs as your literal phone ringtone or anything lmaooooooo

this is by no means an exhaustive list and i've barely scratched the surface of how good this case is but trust me it's SO GOOD. it's understandable that it gets overshadowed considering it's basically the same case as turnabout for tomorrow which is the finale, but it holds up on its own too and i love it dearly. the only case that makes me more emo is frickin turnabout revolution, aka the most bonkers emotional case of all time, so that's saying something.

oH ALSO THE SECOND HALF OF COSMIC TURNABOUT TAKES PLACE ON MY BIRTHD-- *gets dragged offstage*

#i wrote this ages ago but i'm posting it today bc the case takes place today #birthday present to myself. happy birthday me <3 #ace attorney #aa5 spoilers #random stuff #this entire thing is just me gushing over clay terran let's be real 😔

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mdhwrites · 10 months

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I think you’ve referenced it before, but could you explain some more about the found family aspects in toh? Like personally, I never found it very believable that Luz would consider Eda family especially when she already has such a loving mother. But when I watched Amphibia recently, the relationship between Anne and the Plantars (esp Hop pop) feels so genuine. And Anne does have loving parents as well but there’s something about the writing that makes it believable despite that. It’s like with Amphibia, I can totally understand why the character would risk her life and leave her parents again to go back and help this family, but with The Owl House, I only believe it because the characters are saying it if that makes sense. Like a lot of the dialogue mentions being family so we kinda just have to go with it even if it doesn’t feel earned (?) but with Amphibia, you can see that Anne has become part of the family without the characters even saying it.

I feel like this might just be an example of the old adage, show don’t tell. Thoroughly written stories can’t just have the narrator or protagonist tell us something; they also have to show us within the narrative that something is true. For example, I think of The Hunger Games. Katniss volunteers to be in the games in the place of her sister, and the narrative supports the decision. We learn about how Katniss took on a parental role with her sister after the death of their father which left their mom riddled with grief. We see how much she cares about her in the flashbacks and present when she spends the whole time wanting to win the games because if she doesn’t no one will take care of her sister. Like I wholeheartedly believe a character like Katniss would do this, and it’s because the narrative supports this.

Basically, I’m curious about how two shows with a similar premise both set out to explore the topic of found family but only one appears successful in my head.

Do you think it’s a matter of writing choices that hinder the success or is it a bias within myself that’s making me perceive these end results differently? For context, I watched toh first and fell in love. I watched Amphibia in the last couple of months and felt pretty indifferent to it, but by the end, it earned my respect.

So I have actually done a blog about this before! And I've talked a lot in the past that TOH has a very real problem that you just have to believe what the characters are telling you versus what they're doing. Their actions so rarely match up properly with their words after all or the context of a thing is just a problem.

An element I didn't talk about back then though, that Molly McGee actually gets right like Amphibia does, is that friction to me is necessary to sell a found family. Now, I know that might sound weird but hear me out. Everyone has heard of that meme that goes "A friend bails you out of jail, a best friend is in there with you," right? Or some variation of that?

Well, for found family, you need it to be "Your found family is in there despite being against it." It's the idea that even if they disagree, so long as the disagreement is just annoying and not harmful, they're willing to work past it because, well... You're family. Most people do shit for their family they would literally never do for anyone else because they're family. Not even best friends get this level of treatment because you don't live with them nor would you commonly want to.

Amphibia shows this off CONSTANTLY in the first season and not all of it is actually for the found family angle. Part of it is to showcase how Anne needs to grow, though the Plantars also accommodating for things like her being sick is important. But how about the cook off episode? That's pretty early in their relationship still but Anne recognizes how much effort they put into trying to make the pizza her way so when she doesn't have to join them, she still does. She suffers the consequences with them because that's part of being a family.

The episode to me though that highlights them as family instead of friends is when Sprig and Anne have to share a room together. They are very different people and don't get along entirely but there's an attempt at respect but family is frustrating. It's not perfect and it's not simple and the concessions we make to them aren't either. There is a friction but also a clear connection and care for the other. And again, that's early on.

Molly McGee's big episode on this is the CHORE BOARD! Scratch just doesn't want to do chores though and that causes conflict but also once his schemes end, he does them willingly. Just him being included in that is actually really heartwarming to me though because he doesn't have to be. You don't ask a guest to do chores after all. Even with your best friend, you might tell them not to do something because they're here to hang out, not to help. Family? You can inconvenience. Not be a real problem, not be a parasite, but you can inconvenience them.

As a note, that episode also actually shows just really great family stuff because I am competitive. I don't play multiplayer games because when I lose bad, it gets to me. But I also know my dad is competitive so when it's time for family games? I manage to not take it as seriously because if I get in a bad mood from losing, or celebrate too much from winning, it will put him in a bad mood and I don't want that, just Sharon didn't want to cause her family's competitiveness to get even worse.

None of this is really present in TOH. We get stuff like Luz and King liking telling breakfast puns to each other but I mean... That's just getting along with a roommate or a housemate. That's frankly a LOT of what TOH feels like. People who live in the same place just getting along. I've lived in a place with like twelve other people who all had to share a kitchen. You bump into each other and you start conversations and treat each other friendly because, well, you have to coexist.

But you don't have to inconvenience them. We never asked each other for anything. We never just buried the hatchet on something. You had a problem with someone, it STAYED a problem. But I also had HOURS long conversations with these people about politics, about their interests, etc. like that. Did that even make them my friends? Well, two years later and I haven't talked to literally any of them since I moved out.

That's the vibe, especially for the ENTIRETY of S1 that TOH gives with how the characters treat each other. They don't hate each other and they might do something nice for one another if they feel like it but they're INVESTED in each other. The closest that comes to it is the fact that Eda helps Luz get into school and then makes Luz her cloak but like... If your roommate was freaking out about a job that could help ease the pressure of rent and get them out of your hair more because they'll be gone more and you could help them? Why wouldn't you? And Luz is leaving and the experience has been nice and Eda seems to have literally nothing better to do so why not spend a lazy afternoon making a farewell gift?

Even come like S2 with Reaching Out, Luz is in pain when Eda wraps her Grudgby jacket randomly around her (why does Eda even have that on that day frankly?). If you saw someone sobbing, let alone a roommate, would you not try to do something for them? Give them a bit of comfort and some advice?

None of it's technically bad and if they just tried to sell it as friends I would go "Yeah, I believe that." But family? Family is more. And for the fact that almost ALL of Luz's relationships are incredibly shallow and quickly give up on having any friction in them, any contrast frankly as everyone just starts trying to become S1 Luz, saying ANY of them are found family, including Vee who only gets the title because Camila effectively adopts her, NOT because of her relationship with Luz... It's almost insulting to the fact that family does mean more than just that asshole who you make jokes with.

Found family must be found. You do not find something as important as family easily. You have to work to dig and find the treasure that is there. Anne worked. Scratch worked.

Luz? Was given. And that's the exact opposite of found family as the only family you're given in this, saddled with, is your biological one. The fact that TOH doesn't understand that means it was doomed from the start.

#the owl house criticism #toh critical #Found Family

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jamiesfootball · 4 months

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⭐️⭐️ for anything you would like to share!!

OOOH! I have an answer for this one now, since you asked me about it in your comment (THANK YOU LOVE YOU MWAH!)

I have had a few people ask about the couch scene, specifically what fucking show Jamie was (poorly) explaining-

Community, season 2 episode 15, "Early 21st Century Romanticism" aka that one where Troy and Abed both ask out the librarian at the same time

Now I have a certain pet peeve when it comes to using pop culture references in media. If the only reaction it garners is 'look! they said the thing that I like!' then to me that's not a very good utilization of a shout out. References age, and they won't mean the same thing to people later.

But at the same time this is Ted Lasso, and Jamie was specifically trying to emulate a Lasso speech, which means references.

Starters for those who don't know- Community is a tv show. It's about a mish-mash group of students who joined a community college study group. While some of it has not aged well, much of it was made out of genuine nerdy love and it is absolutely dripping in sincerity and love.

(This is where Jamie's confused 'I think they knew they were in a tv show' is from- one of the characters in particular, Abed, is very meta, and frequently calls out the plot of the episode as if it were a tv show.)

One of the main plots of the episode I'm referencing is this: Troy and Abed, the best-friendiest best friends to ever best friend, have come to the conclusion that they are both interested in the same librarian. Wanting to side-step the common tv problem of two guys fighting over the same girl, they decided to circumvent the issue by both of them asking her out to a Valentine's day dance. Together. Like they ask her, at the same time, if she will go with both of them.

Which brings me to the how / why I chose it: because I did not like how this part played out in the finale. In the finale, Roy and Jamie going to Keeley's felt like a last-minute wrap-up, an 'oh shoot we forgot to deal with that.'

So when I set out trying to fix things, one of the first things I asked myself was 'what's a time where I've seen this sort of plot line work for me?'

Answer: this Community episode

That was my starting point. There were more things I knew I wanted. For starters, I wanted Keeley to actually have time to voice her opinion on having both of them spring that on her like that (that scene is in a later chapter.) But another thing I knew I wanted was for them to talk about it. Part of the making-it-make-sense to me wasn't just in figuring out how the fight happened, but also dealing with the aftermath of it all. I wanted them to talk about it, and I wanted them to get some closure on it.

I saw someone on here mention that Roy and Jamie have a pattern of initial disagreement -> jump to fighting about it -> admit guilt -> talk about what was actually wrong that started the fight. The whole couch scene is really those last two parts.

But with everything so raw and Keeley already admittedly a touchy subject, it felt like a topic that needed to be come at sideways. It made more sense that it would be Jamie brave enough to broach the topic- not only because of Roy being in a more intense place about it, but also because well...I think after Amsterdam Jamie's become a little more emotionally in-tuned to Roy. This is something else that I tried to weave in, that Jamie knows what Roy is like, and yeah Roy can be a dick, but he is rarely a dick without purpose. Sometimes that purpose is fun, but this was not fun.

Jamie is kind of a mess, our boy, so with Ted's most recent Ted-Talk fresh in his head, the idea of having him try to give Roy a Lasso Speech weaved itself in easy.

From there it was a matter of gathering the strings: the reference I already knew I wanted to use, and the framework to talk about it. This was actually the first part of the couch scene that I wrote. Though the initial draft was in short-hand, the core of the Lasso Speech was always the same: Jamie wandering his way towards softly admitting that a part of him was glad Keeley didn't choose between them.

Back to my earlier point about references, I had some guidelines going in for how to shape it:

Enjoyable by all. It had to be vague enough that someone unfamiliar with Community could still enjoy it, while being specific enough that it'd still feel meaningful. Because that's what I wanted the experience to feel like from Roy's point of view. He's never seen this show, he has no connection to it, so the meaning must be found in how the story is delivered.

Memory blur. Some situations call for a character to have very clear recall of an event or story. While Beard and Ted may have excellent pop culture recall, it made more sense if Jamie's was spotty (the frog in a hat bit is actually NOT from the episode he is talking about, it is from a different episode that happens to be near another dance). Plus given the age he was when the show came out, it made more sense if this is something he didn't necessarily seek out but instead passively absorbed.

Authentic. In addition to Jamie's spotty memory of the story he is telling, the fact of the matter is he is copying the style and structure of someone else, and he's filling in the gaps as best he understands them. He doesn't understand why Ted includes all these little details, but he knows that Ted includes them, and the result as Roy says is....endearing. Jamie is trying, and that's worth a lot, even if all Roy hears is straight up nonsense.

This brings the shape in a full circle for why I think the reference works. Because it's not about the reference at all. It's about Jamie telling the story. It's filler for the greater emotion at play.

It's not a perfect metaphor, but it doesn't need to be. That's not the point of a Lasso speech.

What actually happens in that episode is this: Troy and Abed ask the librarian out to a Valentines day dance. They tell her that they're best friends and they don't want anything to ruin that, so they'd like to give her the opportunity to date both of them at the same time so that she can then decide who she likes more.

Another fun tidbit- when the librarian agrees to the date, she calls them asking her out the most adorable thing to ever happen to her-

-which in itself is a subliminal clue for why Jamie at least thought his and Roy's dumb plan to go to Keeley's might work.

They go on the date.

She chooses Troy.

Abed excuses himself, as they agreed the loser would. Then, just like in Jamie's version of the story, Troy immediately has the realization that him winning means Abed lost.

The part that Jamie doesn't remember is that Troy spent the literal remainder of the date trying to figure out why she didn't pick Abed. Because to Troy, Abed is Abed. That's the person he spends all his time with. That's his best friend.

So why didn't she pick his best friend?

That's what Jamie's sublimated in the corners of Jamie's mind. Somewhere along the way, a dynamic shift happened, and Roy became another person whose well-being Jamie considers in the mix.

So that's the other thing about references: I think if you use them, they shouldn't alienate the audience, but they should also add something for anyone who does know it.

Jamie when pondering for a good parallel to their situation accidentally landed on the one of the two guys who were the best best friends to ever friend. Two characters who once famously, stubbornly, refused to end a pillow fight because the end of the pillow fight would symbolize the end of their friendship, so they planned to just keep hitting each other for hours to stave off the end.

So at the end of the night, there's Jamie. And yeah, he's kind of grateful that Keeley didn't pick either of them. Because what if she did? What if they had to live with that? That would hurt too.

#i'm not sure I explained this right #but I gave it a go and now I'm yeeting it into the shark pool #director's cut #ask game #fic: oh god you're gonna get it (you have not been given love)#may come back and edit later

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fountainpenguin · 4 months

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Frayed Knots 15,14,9,2

[Current Ask game]

Frayed Knots - Read on FNN || Read on AO3

#ridspoilers

---

15: What did you learn from writing this fic?

My pacing's improved in more recent projects. Knots is pretty bogged down with things that still make me cringe, but it's also like that intentionally because it's Anti-Cosmo's bragging time and he takes pride in his memory and culture (plus he's long-winded in general and I wanted to reflect that). Still, I don't write in that style anymore (except for Knots since it's still ongoing, of course).

This 'fic was also my first (and only) long-term project with British English phrases and spellings, so I learned how to efficiently work as closely to that as I can despite not being a native user of those words.

I'm personally pleased with my success in creating a culture for the Anti-Fairies that's unique to them and completely at odds with Fairy World, but I acknowledge that the nature spirit stuff might not be everyone's cup of tea when they come to read a Fairly OddParents story, so I try to balance that.

There are a lot of little details in their culture that I really like, like Anti-Cosmo's claim that he's descended from the Teumessian fox and that he'd be an outcast if he shapeshifts into any animal besides a fox. Anti-Cosmo uses VERY little magic for the majority of Frayed Knots (using most of it during the war, and only when he has to) and I love both his attachment to his culture and the mental gymnastics he does every time he breaks the social norms.

I'm happy with how the Anti-Fairy culture came out, but it's also pretty far from the established canon and my interest tends to be higher when I'm working on something that's canon-compliant (such as writing a scene a character referenced off-hand in present day, or fleshing out the Wanda/Juandissimo relationship, or doing character studies), so... read that however you like.

[Cnt'd under the cut; content warning for mild 'adult themes' discussion]

tbh I've also enjoyed worldbuilding a fantasy sociosexual culture, because I thought it would be an interesting challenge that would add drastic context between Fairies and Anti-Fairies while also fitting well with their bat genetics and their social norms of accepting things that many Fairies recoil from.

Ex: You're much more likely to accept bullying and theft as acceptable behavior if your social norms already permit a flock hierarchy of creche fathers fighting for dominance. It's easy to be at odds with Fairy World when they mock your cultural beliefs, such as by insisting that Anti-Fairies are a shadow of their Fairy counterparts and wouldn't exist without Fairies, when clearly all the proof points to Anti-Fairies being unique creatures of smoke that grow attached to other creatures and reflect their appearance because of it.

Since the Anti-Fairies are antagonists in the show, I wanted to set up the appropriately "cruel and evil" vibe of their modern leadership while ensuring there's justification in their culture to explain why people might turn towards a leader who embodies strength.

Mm, I'd also say I learned I don't enjoy this vibe of romance? I don't hate romance... I just either need it to be blatantly shallow or deep and complicated in a way that's amusing. The late part of the A.C. and A.W. relationship is super messy, which fixes the boredom for me, but I don't love how these early stages are working out.

In the original draft, A.C. and A.W. barely interact until their honey-lock, which would be about 40-50 chapters in. Well, probably less since we can cut most of the Anti-Wanda content from the story. I personally feel like "barely interacting until they're pushed together" fits their personalities a lot better than meeting in their youth, but... I genuinely didn't think people would have the patience for that, so I adjusted Knots to include Anti-Wanda scenes earlier.

It's probably the right call, and maybe some people enjoy the romantic bits more than I do, but they just read as cliche to me so I struggle with liking them. There are a lot of romance tropes I dislike (such as denying your attraction in front of others) and the romantic side of Knots doesn't vibe with me the way that the "animal people politics" parts do, but I do my best.

I'm satisfied with the character goals Anti-Wanda has so she has actual stuff going on in her life (including emotionally rough and some very messed-up stuff). If these were my OCs then I think Frayed Knots would be what it is without the Anti-Wanda ship at all (and/or she'd be sprinkled in occasionally until she shows up during the honey-lock for real), because I think that's my preferred romance story for them. I don't really vibe with them hanging around each other for so many years; it just feels forced to me.

Also Anti-Wanda can do better.

14: Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic?

I hope it's obvious that I'm writing an evil villain backstory and that there are many, many things in this story that should not be glorified. Anti-Cosmo makes some seriously messed-up decisions throughout this 'fic, which is written for entertainment and not to be a guide for healthy relationships.

Same goes for Origin. Everyone sees themself as the hero of their own story. If you forget they're canonically the villains and they do some messed-up stuff that I would never condone IRL, I will cry.

Honestly if anyone's learned to love the Pixies, I'd be happy. Especially H.P. <3

Also if anyone develops an affection for the episode "Balance of Flour" and the characters in it, I'd like that. Anti-Bryndin makes his only appearance in this episode. No name, no dialogue, no context... but he's my boy.

Also, even though neither H.P., Sanderson, nor Anti-Cosmo is a ""good and correct"" representation of asexuality (i.e. in terms of healthy relationships), they are still ace. If anyone has learned more about asexuality through this 'fic (either from H.P. working out his feelings or because they were exposed to the concept here and did more research on their own), I'd be content with that.

9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic?

Yeah, you could say that. The official scrap doc for Knots alone is 25k words right now. It grows regularly, and that doesn't include the existing chapter drafts.

Perhaps the biggest change is that in the first draft, Anti-Cosmo's dad is alive, but walked out on his family. I do miss that. Once you commit to killing a parent when your protag is a baby, it's difficult to give them baggage or messy relationships with said person, who frequently gets romanticized. A.C. is absolutely romanticizing the father he never knew, who wasn't as great a person as he likes to think.

Another massive change was that originally, Anti-Cosmo's parents lived in a manor house. They were nobility, but didn't live in the castle. Anti-Bryndin was leader, but flock dynamics didn't exist in the worldbuilding so there wasn't any reason for them to live in the castle. The reason Anti-Cosmo lives in the castle in Knots right now is because his mother was brought under Anti-Bryndin's wing and she gave birth to both her children there.

I very briefly considered Anti-Wanda as heir apparent to Anti-Fairy World and Anti-Cosmo married into the family and that's how he rose to power. That's actually the world my short story "King Me" takes place in, and hopefully I'll be able to get it to a state I'm happy with so I can share it soon. It was drafted back in 2016. It's waited this long; it can wait until it feels right.

Oh. The earliest draft of Origin of the Pixies didn't have Anti-Cosmo show up until Anti-Sanderson had taken over as leader of the anti-pixies, and H.P. had to request permission to cross into Anti-Fairy World to talk with him.

I would say my happiest change in all my FOP works was switching that so H.P. and A.C. interact a ton more in their younger years (although if you look carefully at my earliest pieces like "Open Your Eyes," I think it shows that they were written for a world where A.C. and H.P. barely interacted).

Theeeeee other big change I could mention is Anti-Cosmo's.... ?? friendship? affair?? interaction with Prince Eastkal after the chapter "Deep" (where A.C. saves Eastkal's life and begs him not to confess, for the whole "I'll be disowned if they find out I shapeshifted into a dragon" bit).

In the current version, A.C. gets distracted [cough] and fails to meet the prince as promised. This leads Eastkal to pursue him several chapters later, with Eastkal making multiple attempts to talk to A.C. during "This Close to Heaven", "Floodgates," and "Crossroads". It works, but... it saddens me because this is not the attitude Eastkal has towards Anti-Cosmo in future chapters, which were drafted years ago with the assumption that they met up right after the dragon fight :/ I like the vibe of the first better and regularly wish I hadn't cut it.

Actually, that's another thing I've learned from Knots (and I even wrote a Tumblr post about this months ago before setting it aside under the belief no one would want to hear my vent about it). I cut that scene hoping it would be better for the story's flow and because I was tired and wanted to get to the zoo stuff, but since this is my fanfic I write for fun, I should've just let myself follow the direction I wanted to go. It's frustrating to want to write characters behaving a certain way because of what that cut scene would have done, and then having to change it back to what's "actually canon."

In my first draft, A.C. did meet Eastkal as planned (in the Pink Castle) and it involves a lot of soul-searching on both their behalfs. In current Knots, Eastkal does feel grateful that A.C. saved his life, but boy do I miss the dialogue of the original scene.

I cut the main scene because it was several thousand words on top of a very long chapter... I'd already split "Deep" into... 5 chapters at that point? And I really wanted to wrap up Arc 2 without struggling with another chapter, especially if it might wreck "the vibes." I convinced myself it broke the tension (Going from dragon attack to peace and then zoo), but it's the scene I regret cutting most, because there have been multiple times this year that I've wished it was there because I think it's important to show how A.C. acts (and because I think the scene's hilarious).

This cut meeting inspired Eastkal's attendance during migration season. Frayed Knots can work around not having that scene, but if I can mimic it, that would be nice. The lame part is that it probably would've been nicer right after the rescue, to increase tension of being caught fraternizing with the enemy. I'm trying to find a place for it that's not too near the war.

On reason Knots has been delayed so long because I've been looking for a good way to fit it back in to the timeline, but it was very specifically written for that scene, in that location, so it's rough. There's that and because Cosmo and Wanda are about to become notable, and I don't want to mess up this first meeting between A.C. and Cosmo), so... it'll come! Just been on a necessary hiatus.

I also have a scrapped scene where Anti-Cosmo babysits a nest of spirit eggs, but that got cut because the story is long enough without it. There's a lot of spirit stuff in the second half of Knots and I'm trying to decide how much should be cut... I'd like to end it sooner rather than later. Definitely hoping to post more regularly in 2024.

2. What scene did you first put down?

I think the earliest scene in the story was originally going to be its opening: Anti-Cosmo watching his father pack his suitcase as he prepares to walk out on the family. It would predate my scrap doc, but I might have salvaged something.

Mmm, I didn't find it atm, but I think it was rewritten into a very rough draft of A.C. reacting to his brother leaving shortly after their father's death.

“You’re leaving?” I asked, clinging to the door. “Of course,” he snorted. “The green needs me now more than ever.” “But then I’ll be left alone with Mother.” I glared at the ground. Anti-Schnozmo rubbed my hair, kissed my forehead, and then swept out the door. When I was young, I didn’t understand why we lived in the castle. But I was a smart pup, so I began to put the pieces together, of all the times I’d walked in on Anti-Bryndin kissing my mother.

^ Obviously a very rough version, but a lot of my drafts are this vague to get the story beats down before I flesh them out over weeks, months, or even years.

With polish, I think this would have made a great opening to Knots as well since it immediately sets up A.C.'s difficult relationship with Anti-Schnozmo, that his dad is dead, that he doesn't want to be left with his mom, A-Schnoz's motivations to carry out his father's legacy, and one of the core themes of Knots which is Anti-Cosmo's desire to be wanted.

The current opening of the story is there to establish worldbuilding, especially with the newborn smoke forms (something Anti-Fairies and Fairies can't see eye to eye on). The first chapter is pretty confusing and if I were writing commercially, I think I'd go with the brother walking out. But I wanted to write a longform 'fic about complicated worldbuilding and Anti-Fairy culture and that's exactly what I did, with the establishing shot to open it.

Thanks for reading! Hopefully these were interesting thoughts. Ask box is always open if anyone wants to ask more stuff like this; a lot of the time I tag these things as "director's cut" and I do enjoy sharing what the alt versions of my stories were.

[Current Ask game]

#Fairly OddParents #FOP #Anti-Cosmo #Frayed Knots #The bat with the hat #The best bat queen #ridwriting #Director's cut #Long post #asks #Anon #Ask box games #Dragonfly parents

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finleycannotdraw · 1 year

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Sorry for this stupid question, but I haven't watched or played Witcher (but planning some day at least to watch it) so I think you'll understand me 😅

I saw you reblog at first a lot of Witcher x that young boy (sorry, I have literally no idea what's his name is but he sings cools songs)

And now I'm seeing Witcher x another old man about which I know even less than nothing

Maybe I'm being stupid or something, but these guys are one from the series and another from the game? Idk cuz I knew only about Witcher x young boy and now I'm seeing that old guy and I'm confused because you just haven't reblogged it before and your reblogs are the only thing that teaches me about the Witcher. Idk when I'll watch series, but here's the question. WHO SHOULD I SHIP BRO JUST SEEING THEIR PICTURES AND HAVING NO IDEA WHO ARE THEY BUT STILL CARE FOR THEIR GOOD???

It’s not a stupid question! I’m happy to explain.

The first one is Geralt (witcher) x Jaskier (younger man who is a bard), and most fan-content of them portrays Jaskier the way the Netflix series portrays him. He is an adult, but most people tend to ignore the age gap because fantasy world (Geralt is close to 80 when he meets Jaskier in the show, but doesn’t look it). Plus, henry cavill and joey batey (actors) are close to the same age, so people tend not to think about it.

Jaskier is based off of Dandelion from the original witcher books. In the books, we don’t get to see how Geralt and Dandelion meet, because Dandelion is almost 40 and has reunited with Geralt for the duration of the books.

Another character in the books, that Geralt meets later on, is Regis (the old man). They get along very well, and Regis ends up traveling with Geralt, Dandelion, and a few other people in a group called the hansa. The way they interact is often flirty and sometimes homoerotic. Eventually it’s revealed that Regis is a higher vampire (very powerful and potentially very dangerous), and he and Geralt have a bit of a falling out, but that only lasts about 15 pages or so before he’s back with them.

Regis appears again in the Blood and Wine DLC of the third witcher game (the one I’ve played), where he and Geralt reunite as old friends before advancing the plot together. Regis is not in the Netflix series as of now.

Another character in the games that I’ve been posting about is Vernon Roche (but I wasn’t sure if you were referencing him at all). He’s a major character in the second game and comes back in the third. He’s the commander of the Blue Stripes, a Temerian (country) special forces unit designed to combat the Scoia’tael (a group of elven bandits from the books; they appear in both the second and third games, but much more heavily in the second). I’m not actually sure how old he is, but he’s more middle-aged than Jaskier or Regis.

As for the reasons I ship all of these different couples, it just comes down to a few things:

- I watched the Netflix series first, and therefore started off my witcher hyperfixation and subsequent reblog spree with Geralt x Jaskier. Later on, I learned about the book series, and fell in love with Regis, which led to the beginning of my Geralt x Regis reblog spree, continued vitally by me playing the witcher 3 and loving him even more. Then I made a super awesome friend who shared their love of Geralt x Roche.

- All of these characters, in my opinion, can make Geralt feel safer, happier, and more comfortable with emotional vulnerability. (This is also why I don’t enjoy the ships with the sorceresses, but that’s another post). I enjoy all of these ships because Geralt is an amazing, dynamic character whose relationships with others provide lots of space for good feelings and creative expression.

- I don’t stop shipping any of them when I have a burst of love for one of the ships in particular.

As for who you should ship, I can’t make that decision for you! I’d recommend engaging with at least one witcher series, be it Netflix, books, or the games (or the 2002 Polish Hexer series, which is low budget but made with so much love) and then deciding whose dynamic makes you the happiest! Fandom should be fun, shipping should be fun, so my advice is to just have fun.

Hope this helps! If you want to know anything else, don’t hesitate to reach out. :)

#the witcher #asks :)#geralt of rivia #jaskier #emiel regis #vernon roche #geraskier #geralt x jaskier #geregis #geralt x regis #geroche #geralt x roche #the witcher books #the witcher games #the witcher netflix #information post #(i guess)

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eschergirls · 5 months

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Hi everybody!

It's December which means a) happy upcoming holidays everybody! and 2) time for a monthly update and thank you to our very cool Patreon subscribers. :3

First, the update, if you use the main site you'll have noticed that there were some issues this month with the Disqus comments being down for a couple of days and the submission form not working at various points. We've resolved both problems and there should be no issue now. They were related to having to change email providers and updating the site to the most recent version of Drupal. :) I want to thank everybody who let me know about the problems because I don't always notice everything immediately and I want to know if there's something to fix! If you have any issues with the site or suggestions to improve it, please do not hesitate to contact me and let me know!

Second, as usual I'm working through the backlog of inbox submissions and also fixing broken posts/restoring tags/adding alt text, etc to the archives. This month's big restoration project were a bunch of old posts of the Chris Hart's "How To Draw" books, including the "How To Draw Cutting Edge Anatomy" pages which explained that you can draw men with varying body sizes but the women must all be "attractive" and therefore there's not much variation in size or height or musculature and you must show characterization elsewhere. I added a full transcription of the text in the posts for screen-readers, so if you want to read it, click through the link and you should be able to. :)

I also restored 2 old Liefeld Avengelyne covers here and here. And I fixed up this old Supergirl compilation post and uploaded the infamous "letter to women fans" by now-disgraced ex-editor Eddie Berganza that was referenced in the post and added transcription for screen readers since the original letter has been removed from the DC site and there are very few full versions of it left that are accessible.

I've also fixed up the Disqus reactions to be more interesting and have a "thanks I hate it" option as requested by one reader. You should see it appear on the site soon!

I want to remind everybody that if you want to follow Escher Girls outside Tumblr, we have an RSS feed. (For newbies, RSS stands for Really Simple Syndication and is basically a feed you can read using an RSS reader. Simply copy and paste https://eschergirls.com/rss.xml into an RSS reader and it will keep you up to date on Escher Girls!)

And finally I want to thank everybody for engaging in the blog and participating in the caption contest! The interactions have been really great and I loved everybody's captions for the last contest!

And of course I want to specifically thank our November 2023 Patreon supporters for helping me keep this site up. Your donations help me pay for the domain and hosting so posts can stay up and visible even if Tumblr's algorithm flags them erroneously (I've been appealing but it's frustrating because the appeals are handled by an algorithm too), and allow us to make upgrades! <3

So thank you so so much to:

Anne Adler Cat Mara CheerfulOptimistic Chris McKenzie Em Bardon First Time Trek Greg Sepelak Ian Cameron Ken Trosaurus Kevin Carson Kim Wincen Kristoffer Illern Holmén Leak Manuel Dalton Mary Kuhner Max Schwarz Michael Mazur Miriam Pody Morgan McEvoy randomisedmongoose Rebecca Breu Ringoko Ryan Gerber Sam Mikes Sean Sea SpecialRandomCast Thomas Thomas Key

And I want to give another general thank you to everybody for reading, submitting, and just generally engaging with the site. The interactions I have with all of you are a huge bright spot in my day. :)

Also please stay tuned for our upcoming holiday themed caption contest! I think you'll all get a kick from it!

Thank you all so much,

Ami

(If you wish to support Escher Girls, you can subscribe to our Patreon at: https://www.patreon.com/ami_angelwings or donate through Ko-Fi at: https://ko-fi.com/amiangelwings.)

#patreon #note #update

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maroonmusings · 2 years

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Free Appetizers [m.m]

Fandom: Marvel Pairing: Matt x reader Word count: 4,662 Warnings: soft!matt, accidental Karen erasure, probably definitely inaccurate lawyer talk, potential time jump snafus between mcu canon and daredevil canon

A/N: idk man I just wanted to write something with Jennifer, Matt, and Foggy all interacting in case we've been pranked and Matt and Foggy (or at least Matt) aren't actually gonna be in the show

Two sets of heels skittering down linoleum tile fill your ears, the scent of steaming coffee in your nose, and the sound of your boss, Jennifer Walters in your ears. A typical Tuesday, in other words.

“I barely got any sleep last night.” You admit, chugging some of the heated beverage in your hands for emphasis. “I seriously don’t know how we’re gonna find enough evidence to save the client when there were no witnesses to the crime, and the only remaining family or friends are all virtually untraceable.”

“I know. We’ll be lucky if we can exonerate her by August.”

“Jen, it’s December.”

“Exactly!” She throws her arms in the air, narrowly avoiding a passing intern. “If this last minute team they sent in from Hell’s Kitchen doesn’t pull through for us, I’ll help you find a new boss.”

You groan. “Again?! The last guys from Landman and Zack didn’t even care about the client! The only assets they care about can be found on a woman’s body, if you catch my drift.”

“Oh, I’ve caught it. Saw it coming from a mile away. You’re not one for discretion are you?”

“Coming from the green giant’s cousin.”

“Please. You’re just jealous you don’t have powers that allow you to outbench cocky assholes at the gym or reach the top shelf at the grocery store.”

“Maybe so. But you’re not the one who’s a real hoot at company barbecues.” Referencing your ability to create and manipulate fires, you add, “Or could flame your ass in a heartbeat.”

“You have a terrible professional lexicon. I’d love to meet your boss.” She remarks passively, before finally breaking into a grin at the sound of your snickering.

You were nearing the door to her office now. “Alright, let’s see what kind of half-witted shit for brains they sent in this time—”

“Y/N!”

“Foggy?” the sight of the jovial blonde lawyer threw you for a loop. He immediately sweeps you into a warm hug. You could’ve melted into his arms if not for your perfectly timed acknowledgement of one Matt Murdock. He wore a tight-lipped smile and an even tighter hold on the top of his cane. Foggy pulls away, holding you at an arm's length. You’re dazzled by his cheerful grin.

God, you missed them both so much. Add one more person to the equation, and this reunion would be everything you’d dreamed of. “Where’s Karen?”

Foggy explains that Karen is back at the Bulletin, working on a big assignment for Ellison. In between projects there, she is helping Matt and Foggy with clients and working towards becoming a legitimate lawyer herself.

“Two jobs? I can hardly handle one!” You exclaim. Karen’s the real superhero amongst your friends.

“That’s what I said!” He exasperates.

“You guys are back with Landman and Zack? Both of you?”

Foggy’s face screws into a displeased swirl. “No. What bizarro paper do you get your news from around here?”

“That’s news to us.” His gravelly tone was foreign yet familiar, shot directly into your bloodstream in the most addicting way. A warm shock to your system. “Where’d you hear that?”

“Jennifer Walters,” it’s impressive how quickly your boss can shift from friend to, well, boss. She sticks out a hand to shake with Foggy, then Matt. Locking eyes with Foggy. “Mr. Nelson, is it? We spoke over the phone last week. Everything we’ve learned regarding your business affiliation was retrieved from our own company’s archives.”

“Well, those need to be changed immediately.” He pretends to scratch at his arms. “I think I’m breaking out in hives.”

“Right after you hug me. Nice.” You joke.

“Maybe they have a two-for-one at the hospital.”

“I’ll go pack a bag.”

He grins. “Perfect,” sending an obvious glance to Matt behind him, he says, “while you do that, I’ll start going over preliminaries with Ms. Walters.”

“Oh, just Jen is fine.”

“You got it, Just Jen.”

“Great, now there’s two of them!” She exclaims in false praise, looking between you and Foggy. The latter sends you a wink and finger guns before following Jen to a table farther into the room. Now they’re great enough a distance away that, with effort, they could still hear you. And you feel like their nosiness will propel them far in that effort.

“Matt,” you asserted, almost in alarm. It was a challenge to keep your eyes focused on the translucent red lenses he sported, slanted ever so slightly down the bridge of his nose. You were reminded of how good he looks in a suit. Gray wool and white cotton dashing across a canvas to culminate in the mesmerizing painting of Matt Murdock. You settled for subtlety, though the innocent tilt of his head gives away the fact that your heartbeat is being monitored. “You look good.”

“You, too. Uh—” the adorable confusion takes your heart for a spin like it’s a merry-go-round. You try to conceal a smile. His hands tighten around the top of his cane, wringing. Foggy snickers over the newest client files. Jennifer smiles beside him like she knows of Matt’s secret life, even though you know she doesn’t. Why is she smiling like that then? “Probably. Definitely. You always do. Probably. I’m sure you do.”

“Thanks,” you laugh, face feeling warm despite the crisp atmosphere of Jen’s office. Risking another glance at what had become your audience on the far side of the room, you weren’t surprised that your interaction with Matt had their undivided attention. Though they tried to conceal it behind incoherent mumbles, miming busy work, whenever they caught your stare.

Turning back to Matt, you involuntarily sucked in a breath when he appeared to be closer. Close enough to smell his cologne. With his sensitive senses, he tried to veer away from the stronger, more overpowering scents a lot of the men you’d met in your particular line of work. His scent was subtle, clean. Like fresh bed sheets on a Sunday morning.

The sweat accumulated on your palms faster than you could blink.

You fought the urge to continue talking to Matt, just being in his presence, but didn’t last more than two seconds in the ring. “How are you, Matt?”

He paused for a moment to genuinely think on his answer, your gaze catching on the slight pout of his lips. Self-control was posing a challenge after spending so long away from him. Unresolved feelings left with an even more unresolved goodbye. “I’m good.” A lie. “You? Settling into the City of Angels alright?”

“I am.” You nod, an unintentional smile tugging at your lips at the moniker of your beloved new home. It was good for you. This is where you have to be right now. “But, I gotta say,” voice dropping to a whisper, you lean in conspiratorily, “I’m surprised the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen was allowed in here.”

He leans in, too. One more nudge forward and— “Ah, but I’m a good catholic boy, remember? One wave of my pocket bible and the border patrol forgets I was even there.”

“Oh, of course. Of course.” You lean back, overwhelmed by his presence, crossing your arms. “How could I have forgotten that this definitely-real-pocket-bible gives you Jedi powers?”

“Yeah, see, catholic guilt is like one of those punch cards. Like the ones we’d get at that Indian joint, but always forgot to bring back, so we just had an army of those things with only one punch each?” He explains, propping his cane against his chest so he could form a rectangle with his thumbs and forefingers. Even the sheer mention of the restaurant where you shared many “dates” unlocked the Matt Murdock memory gate. You were reminded of how the lights reflected in his eyes like the most other-worldly kaleidoscope you’d ever have the fortune of looking into. How, despite all of those lights strung on the ceiling, none could overpower the brightness of Matt’s smile.

You didn’t even hear the punchline to his joke, too wrapped up in memories of him to acknowledge the him that was here now. Right in front of you.

Matt was chuckling at said punchline now. Head shaking back and forth, the slightest ebb, as if in disbelief of his catholic-centered humor. Maybe it’s just because you’re too far gone—and it’s been that way for you since you first stepped into his office all those years ago—but you’ve always thought that everything the man says is funny. So you laugh along, certain that this time was no different.

“Those damn punch cards,” you mused, memories of Matt branded to your brain like a tattoo gallery. “Could probably find one at the bottom of my purse if I looked hard enough. Buggers are everywhere.”

“I found one in my fridge the other day.”

“Shut up.”

“I’m serious!” He grins, wide and blinding. You swear you can hear an angel chorale vocalizing their praise nearby, the room getting brighter. If you’ll be working with him for much longer, you might want to consider investing in a pair of sunglasses.

The angelic voices thrumming around your head must’ve telepathically modulated to Matt, both of you seemingly in a cheek-numbing, smiley daze.

Until the angels die.

Smile dropping, Matt pushes both of your bodies just in time for a bullet to whiz by the place you once stood. The tall glass window panel it penetrated shatters. A small oomph huffs past your lips as you’re pinned to a nearby wall by Matt’s body. It’s difficult to focus on anything other than his fingers grasping at your waist, especially in places where your blouse had ridden up in the craze of movement, but you fight your eyes away from him to check on your other two companions.

Jen has ushered Foggy under the table, the nook they were working in providing the needed protection from anyone looking through the window the bullet came from. You and Matt seem to be protected from view, too, as no further bullets make an appearance. Not yet, at least.

Matt tilts his head to listen for enemies, and you signal to Jen to hold still in her nook with Foggy. She looks confused, but she stays put.

“How many?” You whisper, as quiet as you can muster. God knows if the room is bugged, too.

If at all possible, Matt leans in closer to you. His breath fans across your neck, a chill erupting from your skin. “Seven on this floor. Two above, on their way to us. They’ve got hostages.”

“And the sniper?”

“Two more rounds and he’s out.”

“So, sniper first then his cronies.” You surmise.That’s the benefit of having worked with him, both in the courtroom and on the streets. You can always tell what he’s thinking. “They’re only here if he can’t finish the job.”

Matt smirks. “And he won’t.”

A plan formulates in your head. Not a great one, you’ll admit, but a plan nonetheless. “I’ll go in his line of sight and then you can get me out of there as the weapon fires.”

He grins sarcastically. “Ha-ha, good one. Not a chance.”

“You’ll push me out of the way in time!”

“Y/N.”

“I trust you. Just do it.”

He’s silent.

“Yeah?”

“I’ve got you. Go.”

But, before you can, Jen is stepping forward. One more step and she’ll be in line with the sniper’s next shot.

“Terrible timing, I know,” she amends, mostly to Matt and Foggy. Foggy’s eyes grow comedically wide as Jen transforms into her hulk form. Her pigmentation melds to a greenish hue, clothes stretching to fit her more muscular alter ego. She’s at least three feet taller. “But I can get us out of this.”

“How many of you guys are there?!” Foggy whispers incredulously.

His response is the harsh thud of the office’s door flying open, making contact with its adjacent wall. The seven previously mentioned cronies barge in, ready for a fight.

And they’re sorely mistaken if they aren’t expecting one from you.

Jen lines herself up perfectly with the sniper in the next building over, wielding her wrists like shields to deflect his final two rounds.

“Since we’re sharing things today,” Matt announces, parting from you to land a perfect punch to someone’s jaw, following up with a backwards elbow to another guy behind him. That was mostly for Jen, you presume.

Most of the guys have flocked to Matt at this point, so you duck in to help. You deliver your punches charged with your fire manipulation to send them flying. It doesn’t finish the job, but it’ll at least take them longer to get back up. Jen’s throwing one around like a ragdoll; nice to see the imprint of Bruce’s training in her fighting.

One of your guys is coming back to, making a beeline for Foggy.

Or the client paperwork.

“Foggy, the files!” you alert.

“Got it!” He scrambles to his feet, haphazardly sliding the pages into an uneven stack. A guy gets too close and Foggy has to smack him across the face with his briefcase. “Keep them off me!”

“On it!” you propel, a new skill you had finally been able to master with your powers, over to stand before Foggy. You throw up a molten force field just in time for one of the cronies to run straight into it. He immediately scrambles away with a holler from the minor burns.

“Get fried, dude!” You yell, Matt coming in to fully knock him out.

“You can make heat shields now?!” Foggy exclaims, completely forgetting about the papers for a second to grin in awe at your construction. “That’s so useful!”

“Foggy, the papers!” You laugh, nodding at the table.

“Sorry!” He gets back to work, concealing your client’s case files away in his briefcase, fully protected from any unwanted hands and eyes.

Chuckling again, you shake your head, letting the shield fade into crumbled ash. Matt and Jen had taken care of the rest of the intruders. The chaos in the room dissipates to staggered breathing.

“You lied about having a disability?” Jen asks Matt, still green. “Not cool, dude.”

Despite himself, Matt huffs a laugh. “It’s a long story.”

“Forget about that,” you chime in, looking up at Jen. “You’re bullet-proof? That would've been so helpful to know before I was about to throw myself in front of a sniper!”

She shrugs, gesturing to herself. “Figured it was common sense.”

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

“Okay, maybe I will stay green. Just for a little longer.” Jennifer muses, watching the small group of giggling college students leave your table, phones in hand.

“A little longer? With all of those photos they made me take of them with the Incredible She-Hulk—”

“For free, might I add.” Foggy grovels.

“—this better be a permanent thing.” You complete, rubbing your right thumb with a jovial frown on your face. “I think I got a thumb cramp from filling up that guy’s camera roll.”

Matt coos out a patronizing “aww” from beside you, scooting closer on the booth bench to rub your thumb tenderly. Rolling your eyes gently to distract from the heat rising to your cheeks, you nudge his shoulder with your own as you both laugh.

As he leans back into the booth, but remaining close enough that your thighs and shoulders are now connected, you muse upon how easily it was to fall back into rhythm with Matt. Like an old boom box, the speakers spark whenever music plays. But it still works. It’s consistent. The only time it fails to falter is during your song.

“Hey, buddy.” Foggy calls to Matt, who looks in his general direction, eyebrows raised. “You ever think Daredevil would want to have meet and greets with the citizens of Hell’s Kitchen?”

“Absolutely not.” He immediately denies, not an ounce of thought dedicated toward the response. You laugh at his reaction, swearing that the corner of his lips tug at the sound.

“Come on, man! Live a little!” Foggy exclaims, drink sloshing in his glass as he throws his hands up. “With the extra cash we could actually afford to pay the electric bill for our office every month!”

“You seem to forget that doesn’t exactly cause me any issues.”

“Don’t worry, Fog.” You jump in, reaching to place your hand on his side of the table. “We’ll go shopping and I can buy you some night-vision goggles.”

“Thank you.” He emphasizes, looking back at Matt. “I forgot there were still people out there that actually cared about my safety.”

Matt giggles, and it’s easily the cutest thing you’ve ever seen. Cue the swoon. “How about this? Next round’s on me. What do you say, buddy?”

Foggy pauses to think, eyeing his best friend. “I guess that’s a good first step to being my best friend again. Make it a double, and all is forgiven.”

“Sounds like a fair deal,” Matt says, clearly indicating in his tone that he didn’t believe a word of what he just said. Taking yours and Jen’s orders, he’s gently nudging your shoulder to let him out of the booth. When you’re both standing, he presses a hand to the small of your back as he passes, muttering a “thanks, darlin’.”

Pursing your lips hard, you hum out an affirmative before sliding back into the booth. Don’t think about it don’t think about it don’t think about it. Maybe Foggy wants to talk about the bar you’re all currently at. “So, Foggy, what do you think of Pinky’s?”

“Well, it’s certainly no Josie’s.” He laughs into the final sips of his drink. “I mean, my shoes don’t stick to the floor when I walk here, and the martini olives aren’t gray and fuzzy, but it’s still got some charm, I suppose.”

“Oh, don’t forget about that one old guy that comes in every Wednesday morning to do karaoke and cry.”

“‘Landslide’ Larry!” Foggy nearly screams, Jen flinching at the volume. “We had to represent him a couple months ago.”

“Seriously? What happened?”

“Well, he was innocent, obviously.” He sends you a knowing look, referencing Matt’s enhanced hearing. “Framed by an ex.”

“Damn,” you let out a low whistle. Matt’s return with the drinks catches the corner of your eye, and you get up so he can get back into the booth. His hand finds its way to the small of your back again as he passes, and you hate how perfect it feels there.

When you’re seated side by side again, it’s like he’d never left. Thigh to thigh and shoulder to shoulder. Except, now he’s got his left arm strategically placed on the back of the booth behind you. His arm is basically around your shoulder, but it’s also not. You wish it was.

As Foggy dives into a story he was suddenly reminded of, you use the distraction to shift closer to Matt, keeping your eyes on Foggy and smiling along with his tale. Matt’s warmth consumes you immediately, radiating from his side stronger than your own powers ever could. You wonder if your powers are contributing to the heat flooding your body, or if that’s just how Matt makes you feel.

Behind you, his arm slides down at a snail’s pace. Peeking at him from the corner of your eye, he’s facing forward, contributing affirmatives and humor to Foggy’s story when appropriate, like you. Your pulse pounds hard enough that it feels like it’s about to tear through your throat, the permanent smirk on Matt’s face confirming that he can hear it, too.

When his fingers finally make contact with your bare shoulder, you slouch further into his hold. Biting back a grin, you realize he’s trying to do the same. His chest appears to be moving up and down faster than before.

If asked, you’re not sure you can identify where you begin and where he ends.

You stay like that for what feels like hours, and you’re not too sure you ever want the night to end. Just four friends reconnecting, or getting to know each other, in Jen’s case, rediscovering what it feels like to come back home. Because it quickly hits you that Hell’s Kitchen, nor Los Angeles, for that matter, is your home.

It’s these people sitting with you right now.

Getting up from this booth, from Matt’s hold, doesn’t become necessary until it’s mandatory. Turns out, alcohol fills your bladder. Who would’ve thought?

You’ve barely evaded earshot before Jen is leaning into the table. She stares down Matt, hard. “Okay, what is up with you two? My grandparents are more subtle with their gripes on when I’ll ‘give them grandkids’ than you are with your—whatever it is.”

Foggy coughs around a laugh, nearly choking on his drink. “Good luck getting anything out of him. I’ve been asking him that question for nine years. Guy’s a brick wall, I’m tellin’ ya.”

“Yeah, well, maybe I’m a better lawyer than you.” she turns back to Matt. “Spill.”

Foggy scoffs at the lazy tactic of acquiring the desired information. “Oh yeah, such a better lawyer.” Jen elbows him, a little harder than intended, what with her ignorance of her own strength. Foggy mumbles a forlorn “ouch” as Jen turns to Matt once more, an expectant arch in her brow.

“There’s nothing to ‘spill’ other than it would never work out. If I could have even the smallest role in hurting her I'd lose all sense of myself.”

“And yet you still let her tag along on your little late night satan—”

“—it’s a devil.”

“Whatever. Point is, she could’ve gotten hurt during one of those.” Matt’s face falls. “And she did. You do realize that holding her at an arm’s length in an emotional capacity is hurting her just as much, right?”

“Okay, hotshot.” He snaps. “I understand everyone here in the City Where Dreams Come True—or whatever delusion-inducing fog you gas yourself up with every morning—jaunts around with their heart on their sleeve, but you won’t be getting that from me. Lawyer or not, you’re not going to manipulate me with your rainbows-and-sunshine haze and get me to admit that that woman is my very excuse for breathing and the only reason why I took on this damn case in the first place.”

A stagnant pause fills the air, which only amplifies the heavier huff to Matt’s breathing. Foggy is stunned to silence, while Jen simply watches Matt with a sympathetic crease to her brow. To her, it was obvious, both Matt’s true feelings as well as the best motive to make him crack. She’s proud of herself for coaxing the words from his lips, though that doesn’t make it any easier seeing the inner turmoil gathered so plainly on his face.

Foggy finally speaks. “Damn, you are good.”

“Hey, guys!” You come charging back with an easy grin, slipping in beside Matt. “What did I miss?”

“Nothing much,” Jen crosses her arms and places them on the table. She has that same knowing look on her face from before, directing her gaze toward Matt. “Matt will fill you in on the walk home. Won’t you, Matt?”

Smiling towards you, though it looks forced, he says, “of course.”

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

“That’s why you’ve been acting so weird since Pinky’s,” you muse, Matt having just finished filling you in on the conversation you missed during your bathroom break.

Both of you were walking home now, leisurely scuffs of the shoe with Matt’s arm tucked around yours. It had been revealed with a passing comment from Foggy that the hotel he and Matt were staying at was only a five minute walk from your apartment. While Jen more than forced the invitation into his lap, Matt still insisted on walking you home. Given the short distance from the hotel as well as Pinky’s, he admitted that he wouldn’t turn away the extra time with you.

A smug grin tugs at your lips, and you nudge Matt playfully. “I make you that nervous, huh, Matty?”

Nudging back, he rolls his eyes. “Don’t act like you don’t already know what you do to me.”

Feet catching on the concrete below, you stop, then, effectively stopping Matt with you. His adam’s apple bobs as you turn him by the cheek to face you. Stroking the underside of his jaw once, you drop your hand. “What do I do to you?”

“Well, this, for starters,” hand slipping down to cup yours, he brings your hand up to his chest. Right over his heart. You can feel the faint, erratic thumping underneath your palm. He keeps a hand over yours, swiping your skin with his thumb. “It’s like this just about anytime I’m near you.”

You look into his eyes and fumble over your words. “Mine too,” you pause. “You probably already knew that.”

He grins, a knowing quirk of his mouth. One hand still locked onto yours, the other raises to tuck your hair behind your ear, sliding down to cup your jaw. Your heartbeat increases, as does the joyful expression on his face. “I had an idea,” he teases.

Shaking your head at him with a smile, you enlist your free hand to gently slip his glasses from his face and onto the top of his head. Admiring the way his brown eyes twinkle under the streetlamps as you stroke his cheek, you mumble, almost subconsciously, “beautiful.”

His expression softens, eyebrows creasing, leaning into your touch. “You don’t know how much I think about you. How much of my brain capacity is just consumed by you.”

Your breath catches, looking at his lips. “How much?”

He leans closer a fraction, the hand over yours matching the other to cup your jaw. Your touch drifts to his chest. Matt tugs you close to him, his nose brushing against yours. “Enough to do something about it.”

“I don’t know, Matt.” You tease breathlessly. “It’s only been nine years. Isn’t it too late to do anything about it?”

He swallows, eyes flickering around your face frantically. Your chest grows warm at the realization that he must be looking for your eyes. Voice dropping to a whisper, as if the words are reserved just for the two of you, he says, “too late?” Biting his bottom lip, he grins. “I’d say the timing is perfect.”

His lips find yours, and it is, indeed, perfect. Bodies molding into one flesh as one of his hands glides down to gently grasp your neck. The other clutches onto your waist. While kissing wasn’t a foreign friend to your something-ship with Matt, this one felt different. Lazy mornings flavored with coffee and linen. A sun, just barely visible in its ascent to ring in a new day; a hazy horizon. Reaching the final chapter of your favorite book, flipping amongst those final pages in search of that shining resolution where all of your beloved characters are content.

It was soft, and warm.

And new.

When you finally pull away, you now know for certain you’ll need to buy a pair of sunglasses to protect from Matt’s blinding smile. His fingers slide up to your jaw again, thumb swiping across your skin fondly. You nudge his nose with yours affectionately, wrapping your arms around his waist and under his jacket.

But you feel something scratch gently against your arm from inside the jacket. With furrowed brows, you reach into a pocket sewn inside the fabric.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” you mumble, amused, pulling out the punch card with only one stamp staining its cardstock. Matt’s fingers meet with yours, feeling the card held up between you. He laughs when he realizes what it is, placing his forehead to yours.

“Maybe we can finally get that free appetizer, huh?” He kisses your cheekbone, smiling against your skin. You both laugh.

His kiss may have closed out the final chapter of a nine-year chase, but your story with Matt was just beginning.

#matt murdock fluff #matt murdock x reader #matt x reader #matt murdock imagines #matt murdock imagine #daredevil imagines #daredevil x reader #maroonmusings

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