#I didn’t even ship her and diego all that much but she’s the better option

[bisexualmultifandommess]

Me whenever Lila is on screen or there are D*elila moments:

#Jesus Christ I can’t stand her #she just annoys me so much #I just wanted some sibling moments between diego and klaus and instead I was mostly given moments between diego and l*la #I don’t care for her #the whole baby thing wasn’t needed #don’t even get me started on stanley #bring back eudora #I didn’t even ship her and diego all that much but she’s the better option #the umbrella academy #umbrella acedmy #anti lila #anti lila pitts #diego hargreeves #anti ​dielila

[hardestgrove]

i know you are one of few who ship billy/chrissy and i was wondering if you have any hc's of billy helping chrissy through her eating disorder? part of me also believes that billy has issues with his body and possibly has an eating disorder himself to some degree.

meant to reply to this last night but i went insane and detoured sorry my bad

it's my sacred duty to champion the cunningrove agenda so happy to get into this shit! I’ll also preface this with saying I don’t really have personal experience with these topics, I’m working off of knowledge from osmosis and research so if anything feels incorrect, off or bullshity that would be why and I apologize for that rip.

first off I think Billy is skirting what would be considered a more clinical issue. He engages in problematic eating habits but ones that are more "acceptable" like strict dieting (as much as he can with Neil dictating the menu and pantry), fasting for weight loss, ignoring certain foods in favor of others because they're better for bulking up regardless of his nutritional needs etc. I think you're right that Billy has body issues. I think there's room on how you want to interpret them though and I pick whichever I think makes the most sense for what I'm working on at the moment. I think the two main options are:

Billy has been put down so much, including comments about his appearance growing up, that he struggles to see himself as attractive as he is and works on himself as a means of gaining control somewhere in his life and making himself feel better.

Billy knows he looks good and is confident in his looks. He is obsessive about his appearance and maintaining it because it's something he can control and it's something that cannot be easily taken from him that he can take pride in. It's a way to both express himself and make himself feel better. His body is the only thing he really has that’s undeniably his.

I think it's also very important to note that with the escalation of the AIDS crisis there were shifts in the queer and straight communities about what was the most attractive look for a man (the shift was more notable in the queer community tho). In the 70s men like Bowie who were thinner and androgynous had much more sway on the mass concept of sex appeal but with AIDS being a wasting disease there was reignited interest in the whole virile macho man look. I see Billy very much as bisexual which would make him sadly one of the most vulnerable groups to hate on all sides. Billy’s father already has a very stunted, toxic and traditional view on masculinity which already emphasizes a malformed version of the virile masculine man. Not to mention the desire to bulk up and get strong so no one else can make him feel weak or helpless ever again.

So it’s all just this big cocktail of shit on his end, a lot of it just simmering there likely never to be directly confronted due to the differences in how these issues are treated between men and women.

I think walking into Hawkins Billy has more aware of eating disorders than most guys his age (or maybe even people in town idk) because he’s from a bigger city and knew more girls. I wrote elsewhere in one cunningrove that one girl at his school got taken away in an ambulance because she’d passed out from starvation at school. Billy used to be more keyed into girl world than the other guys back in San Diego (for dating/sex reasons let’s not give him TOO much credit lol) so it’s something he has this kind of vague passing understanding of eating disorders as it is.

Her eating disorder is frankly one of the reasons he probably started seriously paying attention to her/spending time with her. At first he paid attention to her because she was hot and he was planning out his socio-political moves to cement his place as the new king around town. But then he noticed how she’d bail mysteriously after she had a big/decent sized lunch but didn’t after tiny/nonexistent ones and how when not in her cheer uniform all her clothes are on the baggy and covering end-- as much as she can get away with at least.

Billy has no faith in others. He firmly believes that no one will ever come and help you, that you have to do it yourself if you want it done. So he knows that even if someone other than him has noticed she’s probably got a problem here they’re not gonna do shit to help. It doesn’t sit well with him, she’s probably one of the nicest people in town it shouldn’t take her needing to be hospitalized for people to realize she needs help. So he takes it on himself. Because fuck that shit. Billy doesn’t know how to be just friends with girls though, this is literally isn’t a skill or mentality he allowed to develop growing up so he dates her. He woos and seduces her and officially gets her under his wing of protection and into the space he’s socially allowed to like... Feel Anything In.

One of the first things he does (with out her knowledge ofc) is go at look up books on eating disorders. Billy’s smart and knows he’s out of his depth and not interested in talking out his ass and making it worse. There’s likely not a lot on how to like, help your loved ones in those books though, just the technical jargon. So he tries to put himself in her shoes and figure out what he/Chrissy would want-- which ofc seeing has he does in fact have a certain amount of body issues himself is uh, easier than anticipated lol.

One of the things he does is just tell her often how pretty she is, in different ways and phrasings so if one doesn’t land the next will. He picks out all her flaws with the seasoned eye of a man with a mean streak and then comments on them positively-- how it’s cute that her teeth aren’t perfect etc. He also makes her to comment positively on her other traits like kindness and intelligence and her skills. He works his ASS off to be a safe space for her, to keep his temper at bay and be as gentle as he can physically manage. To you know, not be Billy the Asshole with her at least. It gets easier with time as it becomes more natural for him to allow himself to be open and gentle.

Eventually she feels safe to really open up to him and he shares his own home issues with her so she doesn’t feel alone, so she knows that he gets it. He’s very gentle about urging her to eat just a little more (he kisses her hair and murmurs “just one more carrot for me baby”) but doesn’t get on her case if she can’t manage it. He distracts her from the need to purge or works her through talking about it or helps her find healthy things to do when it hits her. Whatever he can. He lets her know he’s here for her, that he’s not judging, that he gets it and that if she needs him he’s here.

He becomes her backbone until she can finally let herself use her own. Contradicting her mother every time she makes a comment about Chrissy’s looks/weight (because you know she can’t keep her mouth shut even in public/in front of a “guest”). And he does it with the “no nonsense I’m a hardass” tone he has. That’s his fucking girlfriend you’re talking about bitch, no one talks bad about his fucking girlfriend (Billy’s possessive to the point he puts himself higher on the list than his partner’s mother? it’s more likely than you think!). He includes Chrissy in his calculations on what he’s gonna need when he moves out because the second she’s 18 he’s getting her the fuck out of there and he doesn’t take no for an answer on it. Momentarily taking advantage of her doormat nature and his own naturally intimidating vibes? Sure. But even Chrissy admits later she needed the kick in the ass. Her mother was abusive but a known element, leaving home is new and scary and unknown and Chrissy had so little faith in herself she didn’t think she could survive leaving until she was forced to. Then she realized how much better life was.

That’s likely when she really starts to make the most progress because she’s so much freer to make choices and already feels much braver having made such a big step. Plus she has Billy at her back as a safety net, she can take risks and be brave because she knows he’s there to catch her and her increasing confidence helps her believe that she really is good enough as is. If at all possible she’d ideally get professional help as well and he’d help her with that too but that’s all very determined by like, finances and shit.

I could probably go on more but this is already Very Long soooo

#answered #billy hargrove #chrissy cunningham #cunningrove #eating disorders tw #ed mention #AIDS mention #billy seeing an opening for a protector and slamming himself into it is my kink #he just loves to make people feel safe #he just wants people to be SAFE

[knifefather]

➼ Title: Tutor Me, Chapter 4 ➼ Pairing: Diego Brando/Reader, Johnny Joestar/Reader ➼ Fandom: JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure ➼ Word Count: 3.8k ➼ Rating: Explicit, 18+ ➼ Contains: Chubby AFAB!Reader, college AU, angst, and sexy fantasies! This is the fourth chapter of this work!

ミ★ View this on ao3! ★彡

ミ★ Twitter | Ko-Fi | Commissions Info ★彡

Preview

After finishing giving Johnny an explanation of the question he was working on, the blond took a minute to gaze at you. “I didn’t know that you were this studious. Maybe you should start tutoring me instead of Diego. Lord knows that I need the help more than him,” Johnny joked with an edge of seriousness in his voice, motioning to the red pen on his page where you marked questions wrong.

His comment hit you like a ton of bricks. Suddenly, your mind was swarmed with ideas of you and Johnny having the same kind of study sessions that you and Diego did.

Before the lewd thoughts could escalate any further, you blinked them away, closing your gaping mouth. You had to get it together before he began to suspect anything. Johnny was grinning at his words, and you stuttered your way through a response. “I-I don’t know, I’ll have to see what I have going on…” you replied, trying to brush it off as best as you could.

He laughed at you playfully. “I’ll hold you to that.”

Monday couldn’t come fast enough. You were elated to take Diego up on his promise that you both would study after school. Though it was unlikely that you would have sex again, part of you hoped that he would make another move on you during your session. Even if it wasn’t a sexual advance, you wanted some sort of hint that perhaps he was having the same feelings you were. The blooming feelings in your bosom were hard to place, but you knew that at this point, you viewed him as more than your classmate. More than just a friend, even. Diego was special to you and you were excited to see him again.

The flow of your thoughts was interrupted at the sound of Dr. Kujo clearing his throat and addressing the class.” Everyone, take your seats now. Class is beginning.” Most of the students were aware that Dr. Kujo ran a tight ship, and everyone promptly quieted and settled down. After a few minutes of the class being in session, your brows came together in worry as you realized that Diego wasn’t in the room. That’s okay. He’s late. He’s always late, but he shows up eventually… you thought to yourself, nervously tapping your pencil against the desk. That much was true. And when he did show up, he always made a scene and was incredibly loud about entering the class. Usually, Dr. Kujo didn’t take his buffoonery kindly and sternly told him to shut up and take a seat.

But that didn’t take place. Your professor instructed the class to take out their textbooks and flip to a specific page, but you weren’t paying attention to which page. A pit of worry formed in your stomach as you realized that Diego wouldn’t be coming to class today. You had mixed thoughts about this: you were worried that he was going to fall even further behind in class, but you were also disappointed that the chance of you studying with him after school was slim. You thought about shooting him a text when you got out of class, and you pondered it for the rest of the lesson. Knowing that you would more than likely be tutoring Diego on this information, too, you made sure to pay extra close attention and take more detailed notes than usual. Even without Diego, the world continued to spin, and your day proceeded as normal.

★・・・・・・★

It’s time for lunch and still no sign of your classmate. You took your usual seat at a lunch table by yourself, sitting your tray on the table. The pit in your stomach earlier scared away your appetite, so instead, you opted to crack open the book that you had been reading. Pulling it from your bag, a sigh escaped you before you began to read once more.

In the novel, the blond hunter is fighting the dark prince for his life while the protagonist is frozen in fear. She snaps out of it when the hunter takes a hard blow to the face. Using her quick thinking, she attacks the dark prince and allows the blond hunter to get a good shot in. However, the prince is meaner, more quick and fierce, and throws off the protagonist before promising her a dark punishment. He badly injures the hunter, who has no choice but to retreat, leaving the protagonist alone. The villain leans down close to her and whispers in her ear the promise of all the ways he will destroy her.

Normally, you would find this much more captivating, especially the suggestive bits, but it did little to arouse you. The book’s contents just made your sour mood grow sourer. As you sat and read, you found yourself feeling disappointed yet again. You weren’t interrupted by Diego like you had become accustomed to. You missed having him around. To keep your mind off of it, you read the book until your next class. By the time you arrived in the classroom, you had a massive headache.

★・・・・・・★

Four o’clock had rolled around and all of your classes were out for the day. Though you knew that it was improbable that Diego wouldn’t show up to the library, you went anyway. You walked into the building, several students still working inside. It was more lively than you were used to, that was for sure. The past few times that you had visited the library, it had been desolate sans you and Diego. You tried to shake those thoughts from your head. Quietly, you sat at a table off in the corner, alone, and waited.

Removing your textbook from your bag, you huffed and opened it up to the first few chapters that you had tried in vain to cover with Diego. This time, you printed out the textbook pages for him, so you wouldn’t be tempted if he read over your shoulder. While you waited, you decided to read more of your book since you had nothing better to do. With an air of sadness, you brought your book from your bag and continued from where you left off during lunch.

The plot of the book only grew darker as you read on. The protagonist has been thrown into a pit of despair, hopelessness grasping her. The dark prince kept her locked away in the cellar, the only light illuminating the space was the light of the moon through the bars of the window. Despite her depression, the protagonist still holds out hope that the hunter would come to save her. Countless times, the dark prince made his way down the cellar, promising her freedom if she would agree to be his queen. She declined every time, knowing that she was strong enough to resist the temptation. There is still no sign of the hunter anywhere. At this point in the story, it seems as though all hope has been lost.

A sharp ping! sound distracted you from the plot of the novel. With a jolt, you looked over at your phone, the screen lit up. First, you scolded yourself for leaving your ringer on while you were in the library and quickly switched your phone to silent. Next, you checked who the offending message was from.

Diego.

Your heart skipped several beats, making you feel as though you got the wind knocked out of you. Greedily, you opened the message and read what he had to say.

Diego 4:29 pm Hey. Just wanted to let you know I’m not gonna be there tonight.

The thundering of your heartbeat stuttered to a halt. The warm, giddy feeling that filled you before fell away to coldness. The disappointment formed an icy ball in your stomach. You could feel your frame drooping involuntarily. Though, you were curious as to if he was okay, and decided to ask him just that.

You 4:29 pm Hi. That’s okay. Where were you today? Are you doing alright?

Diego 4:31 pm You’re really good at asking too many questions

Diego 4:33 pm But if you must know, I’m training for the tournament. Losing is not an option.

Diego told you that you asked too many questions when you were in the car with him on Saturday. It was when you tried to ask him about his family. Perhaps you struck a nerve? You tried to steer the conversation away from something that was going to make him uncomfortable.

You 4:34 pm Sorry about that.

You 4:36 pm Your grade is going to drop if you don’t study :/

Diego 4:37 pm I don’t care. Winning is more important than a study session

Ouch. That really hurt, not going to lie. You wanted to take what Diego said at surface level and not read into it more than needed and hurt your own feelings. However, the thoughts came anyhow. You couldn’t help but feel that maybe his grades weren’t the only thing that wasn’t important besides winning. Unable to think of what to say in response, you left his message on ‘read’ and stowed your phone. The small device burned a hole in your pocket, your fingers itching to ask him more, but you leave it be. You don’t want to push him further away.

At that moment, you realized that you didn’t have much business in the library if you’re not going to be tutoring Diego. You paid attention in class and took all of the notes, and Dr. Kujo was merciful and decided not to assign homework, so you didn’t have to worry much about Marine Biology. Most of your homework was caught up in your other classes, too. With a heavy sigh, you began to pack up your books and leave.

Defeat settled over you as you walked out onto the sidewalk. You were intent on returning to the dorms until you saw two familiar faces that were about to enter the library. They saw you too, and both of the young men called out to you. Johnny and Gyro were both carrying books, looking like they were getting ready for an intense study sesh. “Hey, y/n! Good to see you here,” Johnny greeted, giving you a large, blue smile. His smile was crooked, but it was endearing and made you smile as well. His face fell a bit when he noticed the expression on your face. Gyro noticed as well, but he stayed quiet. “You don’t look so good. Are you okay?” Johnny asked, giving you a concerned look. They didn’t know about what was going on between you and Diego, and you wanted to keep it that way. The last thing you needed was to lose your friendship with Johnny and Gyro.

“Yeah, I’m okay! What are you guys doing here?” you asked, looking back and forth between the two of them.

“Studying for an upcoming anthropology exam. It’s supposed to be our hardest test yet,” Gyro said, motioning to the stack of books on Johnny’s lap.

Johnny gave an “mhm” and nodded along. “You know, you should come study with us! Or are you on your way out?” Johnny questioned, reaching out to touch your arm gently. You had to fight the blush that was rising to your cheeks as your classmate made contact with you. Gyro stiffened at his gesture, giving you an apprehensive look as you decided on whether or not to join them. Despite the weird look from Gyro, you figured that maybe you could find something to work on in the library after all. The Intro to Humanities notes you took earlier in the day wasn’t very legible because your teacher was talking a million miles a minute. Maybe you’ll rewrite those notes and sit with your friends.

“Actually… I can stay. There’s some stuff that I still need to work on,” you said, much to Johnny’s pleasure.

“Then what are we waiting for? Gyro, can you get the door?” Johnny asked, looking expectantly at his tall friend. Quietly, Gyro opened the door for the both of you, and you all entered the library.

It turns out that you remembered a bit of anthropology from high school. You were able to help Gyro and Johnny study, forgetting about rewriting your notes in favor of helping them. They were both progressing very well through the material, but Gyro moreso than Johnny. It seemed like the man had more of a knack for it, you supposed. After finishing giving Johnny an explanation of the question he was working on, the blond took a minute to gaze at you. “I didn’t know that you were this studious. Maybe you should start tutoring me instead of Diego. Lord knows that I need the help more than him,” Johnny joked with an edge of seriousness in his voice, motioning to the red pen on his page where you marked questions wrong.

His comment hit you like a ton of bricks. Suddenly, your mind was swarmed with ideas of you and Johnny having the same kind of study sessions that you and Diego did.

You envisioned yourself in the library with Johnny instead, alone, the lights dim. You were bouncing on his lap, your dress hiked up while he guided your hips back down to his waist, his callused hands gripping you tight. His blond hair was a mess on his shoulders, his beanie askew while he grabbed you. Blue eyes moved over your form greedily, looking at you as though you were good enough to eat. His cock was piercing you in the most delicious way, angling right into your favorite spot. In your mind's eye, you grabbed his shoulders tighter as he thrust into you.

Johnny’s mouth was open, moaning salacious things to you, that Kentucky twang prominent in his voice. “Come on darlin’, that’s it, move against me,” he moaned in your fantasy, breathing heavily while he rutted into you. “That’s my good girl, take my cock…”

Before the lewd thoughts could escalate any further, you blinked the them, closing your gaping mouth. You had to get it together before he began to suspect anything. Johnny was grinning at his words, and you stuttered your way through a response. “I-I don’t know, I’ll have to see what I have going on…” you replied, trying to brush it off as best as you could.

He laughed at you playfully. “I’ll hold you to that.”

You didn’t miss the way that Gyro’s lips pressed into a thin line. The Italian man played it cool, though, and laughed along half-heartedly with Johnny.

The rest of the study session was nice, and you left with Johnny and Gyro after about an hour or so. The two of them had to practice for the upcoming tournament after studying, so you parted ways with them and headed back to your dorm. While you were walking, you couldn’t shake a certain feeling that was blossoming in your chest. What if you took Johnny up on his invitation to tutoring him? Could you possibly have the same relationship with him that you do with Diego? Or maybe you’re reading his signals wrong? All of the possibilities were present in your mind, and you weren’t sure what to think. On one hand, Johnny was interested in you and would pay you more mind than Diego. However, Diego was the man that you lost your virginity to. And for some reason, you felt a bond with him that you can’t quite shake. You knew in your heart that the events that took place over the weekend changed everything between you and Diego, and that is an unchangeable fact.

The subject weighed heavily on your mind until you reached your dorm room. Hot Pants was there, getting ready to head down to the track. In the middle of putting on her equestrian helmet, she turned and greeted you politely. Chatting with her made your complex thoughts dissipate. Bantering with her was simple, easy. Even though you haven’t known her for very long, you were grateful for her and her ability to keep you from overthinking. She went to practice afterward and you were sad to see her go, now left alone with your deafening thoughts.

★・・・・・・★

It’s almost here, and that thought filled you with dread. It’s Friday, and the tournament is tomorrow. The school week had been rough on your mentality, and you barely saw Diego at all. You caught brief glimpses of him in the halls at school, but he never spared you a glance and always looked straight ahead. It fucked with your emotions, making your already challenging school experience even more difficult to get through. Even though you saw him in the halls, you never saw him in class, and part of you was convinced that he dropped the course. He hadn’t reached out to you since Monday. You thought about texting him first, but you didn’t want to be met with the same cold detachment that he exuded last time. Weirdly, that would have felt worse than being ignored.

Hot Pants, Johnny, and Gyro helped nurse your heartbreak without even realizing how much they were helping. You were beyond grateful for them. In between classes and practicing for the tournament, the four of you hung out almost every opportunity that you could get. The pleasant, budding feelings that you had blooming for Johnny were also a nice distraction from Diego’s absence. Even then, you shouldn’t shake the feeling of loss that tainted your every happy interaction. It felt as if you were going crazy and being with your friends was the only thing that reminded you of saner times.

Hot Pants sat on the edge of your bed in your dorm room, watching one of the newest Netflix dramas that released just that night. The two of you hung out and watched the show while scrolling through your phones periodically, sitting in comfortable silence for the most part. It was nice, relaxing, and definitely what you needed to shake your anxiety.

She knew about everything that happened between you and Diego. The fact that you were quieter when the boys weren’t around tipped her off. One night after class, the pink-haired woman cornered you in the room and asked you about what the hell was going on with you. You spilled everything to her, nearly crying while you went into the details. The crying wasn’t only out of the emotional pain, but also at how embarrassing it was to confess something like that to her. Surprisingly, Hot Pants accepted you and was supportive after you shared your story. While she didn’t have much advice to give, over the following days she was more gentle with you than usual. She would never know how much you appreciated her no matter how many times you told her.

While sitting on the bed, your phone buzzed beside you. Cocking your brow, you picked up the device and saw the message was from Johnny. This was a normal occurrence, but still, it brought a smile to your face when you opened it up.

Johnny 8:21 pm Hey you! <3 I wanted to shoot you a text and see if you’d be coming to the race this weekend?

Johnny 8:23 pm I would love to see you there!

Johnny 8:24 pm You can finally see what all of this practicing has been about ;)

A chuckle rippled through you before beginning to shoot back a reply. However, you hesitated, your fingers slowing. If you accepted the invitation, it is almost certain that you would see Diego at the race. Knowing him, he’d be swarmed by paparazzi and adoring fans, and that was not something that you could handle seeing right now. Though, the question that lingered in your mind was this: What was more important? Supporting the friends that had supported you, or keeping your distance from Diego? After a brief moment of consideration, the answer was clear to you. You texted Johnny back with a look of determination on your face.

You 8:27 pm Hi!! I would love to see you perform at the tournament! I know it’ll be a ton of fun :)

Johnny 8:28 pm Absolutely! I was wondering if you wanted to get dinner with me after the race.

Johnny 8:29 pm Without HP and Gyro, I mean. Just the two of us.

The bulbs of your cheeks were ablaze at the message you just received. Your eyes darted back and forth between the words several times, unable to believe what you read. Hot Pants gave you the side-eye and paused the show. “What’s up with you?” she asked, cocking a pink eyebrow.

You fumbled on your words for a minute before you were able to tell her about what Johnny just asked you. “I think that you should say yes,” Hot Pants said, giving you a steady look. You met her gaze. She understood the reasons why you were thinking about saying no, and yet she encouraged you.

“I think you’re right.”

You 8:32 pm I’m not sure if I can! I have some homework I need to get done before the weekend is up. Maybe if I can finish it I’ll come with you.

Johnny 8:33 pm No problem. Just let me know.

Johnny 8:34 pm Can’t wait to see you there, y/n

You 8:35 pm You too!! <3

A thundering sound was filling your ears as you finished your conversation with Johnny. It was hard to believe that Johnny had asked you out, but here you were, being properly asked out. Now more than ever, you were unsure about your feelings. You had to get some kind of closure for whatever has been going on between you and Diego. Given the time of night, he was probably out of practice and able to use his phone. Already having your messenger app open, you try to reach out to him.

You 8:39 pm Hi there. I just wanted to shoot you a message and say good luck at the tournament tomorrow! I was wondering if I’d be able to talk to you after the race?

For a few minutes, you waited. A response didn’t come. It read “Delivered” so you know a technical error wasn’t the case. Perhaps he’s busy? I’ll probably hear from him tomorrow, you thought to yourself, shrugging. But then you noticed that the “Delivered” line changed to something else.

“Read at 8:52 pm”

By then, Hot Pants had unpaused the program, the episode continuing. Tuning back into the show, you forgot about the message for quite some time. The both of you watched three more episodes, intending to binge the series in one go. The show seemed like it was going to be a typical cliché original, but it was turning out to be pretty entertaining. At some point,  Hot Pants left to go use the restroom, and you took the opportunity to see if Diego texted you back.

Nothing.

The only thing that you were met with was the same “Read at 8:52 pm” that you had seen an hour ago.

He left you on read just as you had done to him on Monday. Honestly, you were upset, but you realized that it was fair. Brows furrowed, you locked your phone before sighing deeply. Something had to give, the situation had to change. With that in mind, you formulated a plan.

After the race, you were going to approach Diego when he was alone and ask him about what was going on. You wanted to keep it as private as possible. If he told you to leave him alone, you would drop it and move on with your life. But you couldn’t give up without trying at least once. With this in mind, you were granted some relief. Hot Pants came back into the room and you continued to binge the show, but the plot was the furthest thing from your mind.

#yall its here!! #sorry it took so long omg #diego brando x reader #johnny joestar x reader #not sfw #tutor me #my work #backup #steel ball run

[wunderlass]

I’m feeling so deflated to be writing this post. S1 had its flaws but those could be placed at the feet of a freshman showrunner who could learn from her mistakes going into S2 and up her game. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen, and S2 was a mess.

S1 had a clear central plotline: the mystery of Rosa’s death, leading to justice in the form of Noah’s death and Rosa’s resurrection. S2’s central plotline was…um. The kidnappings? Leading into the plot to blow up Crashcon? I think? But there was so much other stuff gong on it’s hard to tell.

Carina – if you happen to come stumbling into the tags for reactions – you’ve already acknowledged that you struggle to edit your scripts down for length. And it does show in the finished product. But you also struggle to edit your ideas down to fit into the episode count you have. There were too many extraneous plot threads this season, too many guest characters, and the ideas you had were shoddily and sloppily executed.

There were shining moments scattered here and there and the occasional good episode, but for the most part this season lurched from badly paced episode to badly paced episode. Stuff was crammed into each episode and yet somehow the plot also treaded water until 2x11 when it all kicked off – and this was because so much of what happened in the earlier episodes didn’t feed into the main plot. Even Max’s death, the overarching motivation for many characters at the beginning, was shoved to the side for other ideas.

And the payoffs for each of these storylines was too often underwhelming. Max can’t come back because he’ll be full of dark energy and a destructive force! Resolved in 30 seconds by him blowing up a pile of stuff. Max can’t remember Liz! Fixed in the same episode. That pattern continued with the finale feeling like it was trying to wrap up all these storylines without really having a story of its own. The various cliffhangers from Crashcon were tied up before the title card and then let’s spend the next 40 minutes treading water again.

There were good moments in the finale. Max and Isobel’s discussion, the Maneforrest kiss, Rosa and Helena’s reunion. But as for the rest? Hear me whine:

-          Jesse’s death was anticlimactic. His line about “no more Manes men” makes no sense given as far as he knew Flint (and maybe Clay?) is still alive. His death should have been poetic because one of his son’s killed him but it didn’t hold the weight it should have, possibly because it came so early in the episode.

-          It would have been far better if Jesse had discovered that Harlan killed Tripp and buried him beneath the shed. How awful would it have been for his entire worldview to be shaken by that revelation? How perfect would it have been if he discovered that Tripp loved Nora? If he died after learning all of that, becoming desperate and sloppy in whatever scheme he was trying to pull off (self-immolation via the bomb?), it would have been a fitting ending.

-          So many characters this season were badly served. Alex, Michael, and to a lesser extent Max, had real arcs and progression. Alex especially you can see them setting up his growth for a payoff in the finale. 

-          Kyle was shafted, shoved to the side for the Steph storyline that didn’t feel like it was going anywhere, and I suspect we got a lot of that cut away to make room for other stories.

-          Rosa’s story started off strong and then mostly got tied into rehab or helping Isobel. Them having her out and about in public in Roswell is complete nonsense.

-          Max had a line for Isobel about her becoming her “entire self” this season, and that rang false to me. We’ve only seen Isobel develop her powers. Her personality has shifted each episode, fractured and inconsistent, dependant on what the writers needed her to do. She didn’t get much of a storyline of her own – the abortion was redundant, serving as a political soapbox for Carina rather than anything that served the character – and while she’s found out more about her heritage, that’s never been as important as Michael or Max finding out about theirs. She said she wanted to become more like her mother and that never went anywhere.

-          I was so hopeful that Carina had listened and understood the criticisms with Maria’s handling in S1 and worked to improve it. She certainly gave her increased screentime. Except, so much of that screentime was tied into Michael, and latterly Isobel. She lacked interactions with Liz or Rosa. She was in two whole scenes in the finale and after she broke up with Michael, she disappeared from the story, and if that doesn’t say it all…

-          And that break-up was contrived bullshit. I’m not saying this as a shipper. It felt like they’d planned to have them break-up in the finale and wrote it even though the motivations hadn’t been properly established. Seeds were sown but they were communicating well as a couple and resolving their issues as they went along. Suddenly those issues got un-resolved and were enough to break them up.

-          The most galling part is that so much of what follows comes from Tripp’s diary, and Maria is excluded. This is her story too! Louise was her great-grandmother! Rather than sitting around her in the hospital room reading this stuff, they do it in the Crashdown.

-          Which fits the pattern of what’s happened all season. Maria found out she was part alien and it was about her powers, rather than her legacy, rather than what happened to her great-grandparents.

-          And it became clear that it was done so they could do the Nora/Tripp and Malex parallel.

-          Which completely solidifies for me where Carina’s priorities lie. She’s been clear that Malex is her favourite ship on the show and Michael is her favourite character. But this season has shown that she’s incapable of ensuring her favouritism doesn’t screw over other characters.

-          The sad thing is this really does show up in marketing. Carina always pushes and praises Vlamis and barely ever mentions Jeanine on her SM. Media outlets write about Malex as the centre of the show and they aren’t supposed to be. We have a sci-fi show with a Latina leading lady and nobody cares – not the showrunner, not the media (outside of Latinx-centric publications), not the fandom. I’m not Latina and it frustrates me so I can’t imagine how actual Latinx people feel about that.

-          Maria was dragged into a love triangle that Carina never had any intention of doing justice to. Maria and Michael were always only ever meant to be a pit-stop on the way to a big Malex reunion. Sadly it’s clear the same goes for Maneforrest. Why write something if you’re only going to do it half-arsed? And it clearly was. That’s why the Maria and Michael break-up was so perfunctory and illogical.

-          While I’m on the subject of Maria – last season Mimi was clearly deteriorating and didn’t recognise adult Maria anyway. Now that seems to have shifted to Mimi’s mind moving through time. It’s still unclear if this is the alien DNA or what was done to Patricia Deluca in Caulfield. I don’t understand why they introduced both elements – apart from being able to give Maria a line about unethical science which OH BOY what a contrast with Liz.

-          Speaking of Liz.

-          Wow.

-          If the central storyline was the kidnappings and Crashcon shenanigans, she really had no involvement with that all season apart from the very end. All the investigation went to other characters. Her mother was involved, but not Liz.

-          Let me repeat that.

-          Our lead character was not involved the central storyline of the season.

-          Alternatively, if you think Max learning about his history, and all of the reveals about 1948, and Maria’s heritage etc etc were supposed to be the main storyline…

-          Doesn’t matter because Liz wasn’t involved in any of that either!

-          Liz was a subplot in her own show after they brought Max back. Hell, she was a subplot even when she was working on that.

-          The narrative focus really has centred on Michael, Alex, and later Max.

-          I wonder what they have in common with each other.

-          If you don’t believe me, check out the screentime figures for this season. Liz had the fourth largest amount of screentime in the finale, and she’s only had majority screentime in a handful of episodes all season (2x01, 2x07, 2x11).

-          And then realise that the plot kept moving after Liz left Roswell. She’s just not part of it anymore.

-          I watched the finale and kept asking myself where Liz was because she kept disappearing for whole chunks of time.

-          She was in her own subplot about science for the back half of this season, and honestly, I’m going to have to write an entirely separate post about Liz and ethics in science because NOPE.

-          Max was right. Liz deserved to follow her calling but she had options that didn’t involve risking the aliens.

-          As such the Echo break-up was stupid but whatever, based on this season I guess it needed to happen.

-          Did Max even care that Liz left? He loved her for twenty years and then when he had her, it didn’t matter anymore? What the fuck? Are we ever going to get answers as to why he fell so hard and loved her for so long, or is the “Malex is cosmic” story more important?

-          Also the whole thing about the Genericorp lady not being interested in Liz based on meeting her at the Crashdown was stupid. You hire scientists based on the previous work they’ve done and their credentials. Diego’s word should have been enough to convince her, and then maybe an actual proper job interview to make sure she was a good fit. Not “let’s sneak into her secret lab to look at what she’s working on”.

-          When Liz does leave, she only says goodbye to Rosa and Kyle. Arturo is mentioned but not seen. Which means the whole ICE sequence this season, which should have been a solid motivation for Liz to take the Genericorp job on its own, has been resolved without a proper payoff. All that stress – scenes that I know felt genuinely stressful to some viewers because of how close to home it hit – and we don’t even get to see Arturo seeing his “genius daughter” leave with his future secured.

-          It’s plausible that Liz said goodbye to other characters – Maria, Isobel, Michael – off screen BUT SHE’S YOUR LEAD CHARACTER AND HER LEAVING TOWN SHOULD CARRY SOME EMOTIONAL WEIGHT FFS

-          Compare Liz leaving and arriving at the ocean to Buffy Summers leaving Sunnydale in Becoming Part 2. There is no contest.

-          It’s clear to me that the audience Carina writes this show for is herself. And that’s fine. Plenty of writers do that. But that means she’s writing a show for the women in fandom who like epic mlm romances with lots of angst. And the problem with that is that this show has a Latina lead who is not being done justice.

-          This is not me railing against Malex. There is space in the show for both things. This is me expressing my frustration at a showrunner and creative team who are not taking care with all characters equally.

-          Carina uses her platform to throw in politics and use characters as mouthpieces without considering their impact. She thinks she’s educating the straight white people in the audience without thinking about how scenes of ICE intimidation, homophobic violence, and racism will affect the people who are impacted by those things in real life.

-          Am I done with the show? Probably not. I’ve got fics I want to write and while I’m not hubristic enough to think I can write better than a team of professional writers, I’m going to at least try and do some of these neglected elements of the show justice.

-          Hubris. Remember when I thought that was going to be a theme of this season? Apparently not. There was no theme, unless “no editing, we die like men” counts..

#roswell new mexico #rnm spoilers

[b-rainlet]

You made me ship Lunya T.T but as a Allison stan this kind made me ship her with Diego... headcanon about the neglected couples? :O

Tbh, there are a lot of ship possibilities that could be seen as neglected couples since there are 7 main people who could be thrust into about 21 ship dynamics - not counting poly ships and not counting ships that aren’t sibling ships - like Klave or Vanya/Helen or even still incest stuff like Gracexthe sibs.

So you see, endless possibilities but there are only about 4 ships who are really popular? Klave, Kliego, Fiveya...maybe Horrance? And even then, most Horrance or Fiveya shippers still see their ship as a rarepair because compared to Klave or Kliego it more or less is.

Which may have to do with the fact that if you’re an anti but wanna ship something you have pretty limited options, so Klave it is.

So you probably want some Allison/Diego hcs but I’m gonna do a little more because Allison is less popular in general so her ships are not that often talked about.

I’ll leave out Alluther because I did some OTP asks about them, but y’all know I ship them because it’s the sweet story of childhood sweethearts meeting again and falling in love all over again and it’s just...*sighs dreamily* lots of possibilities.

Allison/Diego: A fun ship! At first you’d probably say: ‘We have a pretty much functional adult with a child and a guy who eats raw eggs to seem edgy’ so it’s easy to fall into a Hermione/Ron relationship interpretation where you have a dumbass and someone done with their shit - and I can see it being like that occasionally but not always!

When I think about them I mostly think about teasing. They totally do some competitive shit just because they wanna best each other but where that same dynamic could quickly turn into arguments for Luego I can see it staying mostly light-hearted with Allison/Diego.

(Quick question, do they have a ship name? Asking for tagging purposes).

And Allison would take none of Diego’s shit. Oh, Diego has one of his mood swings and tries to be an emo boy and pull that ‘I don’t need anyone shit’? Boy, Allison is a single mother who’s been through a divorce already, she doesn’t have time for your angst.

Lmao, Allison being like: “We’ll sit down and talk about our feelings now” after a fight and Diego complains the whole time but sits down like a good boy.

Also, Allison would do the vigilante thing from time to time because she may pretend to be an adult and above that kinda stuff but it’s fun and they definitely argue over who took out more people.

Give me that power couple pls.

Allison/Klaus: One of my favourite ships! Can be real whole-hearted or angsty depending on the angle you take.

Like, Allison who keeps busting Klaus out of prison with her status and her rumours and who pays for his rehab stay every single time, at first still telling him that she’s gonna fix him with that Hollywood ‘You can do it’ attitude - slowly getting more and more annoyed by her no-good brother, feeling like a babysitter - maybe even refusing to keep indulging his brother, to keep giving him money he’s only gonna use on drugs anyway.

And Klaus who despises Allison’s glamour lifestyle, her polished image and her nuclear family - we could even throw some biphobia in there because Klaus remembers their talks about how pretty girls are but Allison pretends that never happened because it wouldn’t do her career much good. (Just like being seen with her junkie brother, “isn’t that why we can’t meet anywhere that isn’t a back alley? Why you can’t talk to me without sunglasses and a hat? Why you keep your voice down even when I scream at you?”)

Plus, some added angst: Patrick telling Allison to just drop her brother already, he’s just gonna self-destruct and take her with him and that creates tension between the two of them, could even be one of the many reasons for their divorce.

And just like that, Allison loses all of it. And Klaus is there with a cheap bottle of Tequila, already high and grinning at her: “Welcome at the bottom, sister dearest!”

*insert the 30k story about the two of them slowly learning to understand each other and finally being able to heal - with the help from the other but also because they wanna change for themselves. I vote for added bed sharing and sleepovers and them doing each other’s nails but also them fucking once and not talking about it because they were both really hurt and not really thinking when it happened but it staying in the back of their minds until they realize that they could actually work together*

This got angstier than it was supposed to be, sorry! I love them, I swear!

Allison/Five: Probably the least popular one out of all the Allison ships!

I have to admit that I don’t think about Five ships much? Which probably has to do with the whole child body thing but I’m not opposed to ships involving them! (Especially when they’re enby, y’all know my brand).

Allison/Five would be that kinda snob couple who knows they are superior to you and they’re not above showing you. Lots of quibs, lots of sarcasm.

But also probably one of the more mature ones? I can see Allison being unsure at first because Five is- no, looks like a kid and who knows when that will get fixed? And maybe it’s because she’s a Mum but sometimes she just treats them like a child and Five hates it.

(Five probably has to do a lot of courting before Allison considers a relationship. Which is bullshit. They both know there’s tension there, why the fuck is Allison drawing back from that? Just because Five’s trapped in this body? Does Allison think they want that?)

Five aggressively flirting while Allison to herself is like: ‘Hoe, don’t do it.’ but eventually giving in.

And of course, depending on your take of Five’s body, things are gonna be weird. Like, a popular hc is to have Five in a 20ish body but even then, just imagine the headlines.

Allison Hargreeves, world star, dating a guy 10 years younger!!! Is she getting over her divorce with a boy toy?

(Not to mention the pseudo-incest part).

They’d get a lot of shit I’d say.

And Five would be furious about that. How dare they imply that their relationship with Allison is just some fling? They’ll show them. So they make a game out of proving the paparazzi wrong. Makes it their mission to treat Allison as right as possible.

(Also I have feelings about the whole Five - Claire - Allison thing. I mean, just Five mentioning wanting to meet Claire? Knowing her name? I am soft).

And I know I am rambling a little but whether you think Patrick was/is a nice guy or not (I personally think he is), I can see Allison being so obsessed with seeming flawless and having the picture perfect family - as opposed to her own family - that she felt like she could never really be herself? Like she had to hide a lot of her more ‘ugly’ sides to be desirable.

And Five doesn’t care about that shit. Five also doesn’t care about courtesy. Five will jump into her room at the beginning of their relationship, watch her scramble around to try and change into something nicer than her pajamas and apologize for her messy hair and her pimples- “I just woke up, I didn’t have time to put on my make up, can’t you come back later Five?”

And Five’s like: “You look like someone who just woke up. Your hair is sweaty and you have a pretty big pimple on your nose. Also, your morning breath is horrible. Can we cuddle now?”

(Five is the first partner Allison burps in front of. It’s pretty freeing).

Five on the other hand has someone they can be insecure in front of. Where they don’t have to pretend they know all the answers. Be dismissive with. (They’re trying to let all of their siblings in but it’s a process, okay?)

I’m sorry, I’ll stop now but I gave myself feelings.

Allison/Ben: This feels like an easier couple. Like, more normal, lmao. Just a couple of adopted sibs falling in love the old-fashioned way - after one of them gets brought back to live and they survive a near apocalypse their sister caused.

I like to spin some tale of being in love as kids (like with Alluther) but for me the two of them really work better as just being friends as kids and then once Ben comes back, Allison realizes how much she missed him and she’s like “What is this???? Am I....crushing on him??” (imagine the Beauty and the Beast song where they realise they like each other while playing in the snow).

Just...some good and nice slowburn. Maybe some added angst with Ben thinking Allison is confusing her relieve of him being alive with being in love or believes she’s looking for a rebound after her divorce.

Or maybe he believes he’s just touch-starved and that’s why he clings to Allison?

(Imagine the two of them chilling at the mansion together, just picking up where they left off, pretending to still be kids. Allison all excitedly showing Ben what he’s missed during all those years and what he only gets to experience now - let’s be honest this mostly boils down to Allison making him eat a bunch of stuff, not even waiting until he takes a bite himself but just putting it in his mouth because she wants to see whether he likes it).

(I hc that Allison can’t cook for shit but Ben has no real frame of reference unless you count blurry memories of what food used to taste like so it’s heaven to him and Allison is giddy).

They’re just cute, okay?

Allison/Vanya: ANGST. GAY ANGST. I mean, the guilt over what happened, Allison feeling like it’s her fault and treating Vanya all nice but Vanya stilll flinches everytime she sees the angry red scar across Allison’s throat. Plus, if Allison still can’t speak and will never speak again and Vanya tries her hardest to learn ASL with her so she doesn’t have to write down everything all the time.

Young Allison/Vanya with Vanya realising she’s queer and sneaking glances at Allison and immediately feeling guilty because she shouldn’t be looking, it’s wrong and dirty and Allison will hate her and-

Whereas she is completely missing the way Allison is looking back.

Also this ship can easily turn toxic with either of them - or both - getting overbearing after all that happened. And tbh, that’s just as exciting to write/think about.

That’s all I got for now but you’re welcome to talk more Allison/Allison ships with me!

#Allison Hargreeves

[nostalgiaslithersin]

Hogwarts Mystery Survey

I was tagged by @weasley-adoptee​ to do this! Thank you so much, friend. <3 This was super fun to do. 

Answers under the cut, and my shy ass is going to tentatively tag @freckled-petals​, @rompemaldiciones​, @willowtreewritingss​, and @carmilla-the-bird​. Feel free to ignore. c: 

Favourite Gryffindor:

Bill is Lee’s big brother and I love his characterization in this game to bits. He’s truly the sibling MC deserves, and if given the choice, I would dropkick Jacob into the sun and replace him with Bill. I’m sure Jacob will not understand.

Least Favourite Gryffindor:

Ben, my boy, I love you, but you’re driving me mad. I liked him best in Year 5, truth be told. I wasn’t a fan of him prior and Year 6 Ben is plain aggravating most of the time. I’m still holding out for him, though; those flashes of his former self we get keep me hopeful that he won’t always be an asshole.

Favourite Hufflepuff:

Who else but Penny Haywood? I know JC overuses her in everything these days, but I still adore her and so does my MC. 

Least Favourite Hufflepuff:

Hm. Probably Diego. There’s nothing wrong with him - I just don’t find him that interesting compared to our other friends. 

Favourite Ravenclaw:

Local bird boy Talbott Winger snuck up on me. I liked his character from his debut - grumpy, aloof characters with a dry sense of humor and a heart of gold are my weakness - but I wasn’t expecting to ship him with Lee. I actually loved the idea of Talbott x Badeea, and I still enjoy that ship, but yeah. Talbott x MC has since surpassed it for me. He’s great.

Least Favourite Ravenclaw:

Honestly, I don’t think I have a least favorite for this house. Ravenclaw's characters are solid. 

Favourite Slytherin:

Merula, this one’s for you. Of course it’s for you. Your design is stupid cute and your moody ass has stolen my heart. And honestly, I’d ship you with Lee if I didn’t love your brother-sister relationship with him more. 

Least Favourite Slytherin:

It’s gonna be Liz solely for the reason that we don’t know much about her. And it’s not her fault - she’s one of the characters JC created and promptly forgot about after her part in Year 5 (4?) was over. 

Favourite Quidditch Character:

This one goes to Orion Amari aka MC’s other big brother. I thought his personality might grate on me when I first met him, but past me was a fool, I tell you, a complete clown. Orion is wonderful and deserves the world. <3

Least Favourite Quidditch Character:

This is hard because I genuinely adore all the Quidditch characters. Maybe the ones who don’t have names? I mean, I get why they’re not characterized. They’re placeholders. MC’s going to replace them eventually. However... I’m a writer. I'm going to give these guys my own headcanons and then grow attached to their characters regardless of what you do with them, so you might as well name them for me. Please. I hate naming things.

Favourite Teacher:

Professor Flitwick is great, but when Professor McGonagall smiles at my MC when he gets her question right, my heart grows three sizes. Minnie is the best. <3

Least Favourite Teacher:

While I like Snape’s character more in Hogwarts Mystery than in the books, I’m still not a fan of him overall. 

Favourite Non-Teacher Adult:

Hagrid, of course! A gentle giant with a pure heart. Too good for this world. 

Least Favourite Non-Teacher Adult:

Rita Skeeter can get hit by the Knight Bus. Seriously. I don’t understand why MC hasn’t turned her away already - she’s terrible, and I personally hc she’s the one responsible for popularizing the rumor that Jacob went to work for Voldemort. That’s why my MC can’t stand her.

Rate Rowan on a scale of 1-10, 1 being “Why are we even friends?” and 10 being “BFFs for Life!”:

Rowan is my favorite HPHM character. I’ve loved this nerd since the beginning and I will never forgive JC for what they’ve done to them. Rowan deserved better. I will shout this into the void until the day I die, and they’ll always be Lee’s first love. </3 

Rate Jacob on a scale of 1-10, 1 being “You’re dead to me” and 10 being “Love you forever, big bro!!”:

For me, Jacob is a 5. Do I think he’s a bad brother? Yes. Would I drop him like a hot potato for Bill and Orion if given the chance? Absolutely. But I think he can still be redeemed. Maybe. I’m not holding my breath for it, but it’s possible. Although, to be frank with you, the angst monger in me wants Jacob to be evil because I love putting my MC through hell. (:

Rate MC and your similarities on a scale of 1-10, 1 being “MC is nothing like me” to 10 being “MC is ttly a self-insert lol”:

Oh, I don’t know. Maybe a 6? Lee and I have similarities, but I made him with the intent of playing a character instead of myself. His competitive nature and ADHD tendencies are definitely me, but I’m not nearly as sociable as him haha. Lee’s got a loud, type-aish personality. I’m introverted AF and pretty mellow. 

Favourite Side Quest:

The Celestial Ball was wonderful. I loved playing through it, and I was so happy that Rowan was a date option. (If only they were included in the other dating TLSQs, sigh.) An honorable mention goes to Adventures in Curse-breaking aka the latest TLSQ. Loved the friendship vibes among the group. 

Least Favourite Side Quest:

I’ll be honest; I don’t remember the Knighthood TLSQ in the slightest. I also thought the Weird Sisters one was meh, but at least I have vague memories of that one. An honorable mention goes to the ending of the All-Wizard Tournament TLSQ. I’m sorry, but you can’t convince me that MC would be happy about winning after nearly losing another friend (or whatever you consider Merula) to the Forbidden Forest. My MC was livid at Dumbledore for the shit he pulled, and he’s not even post-Year 6 Part 18 yet. And yeah, I know it’s technically a Year 5 TLSQ, but keep in mind that this came out shortly after Part 18 dropped and was referenced multiple times in the side quest for those caught up with the Main Story. The wound was still fresh and it just felt wrong to me. 

Your Ideal Ending for Patricia Rakepick:

Assuming she really killed Rowan?

I see no alternative. 

#hphm tag game

[italianfish]

Here’s some things that I’ve overheard recently

- That bridge was created by erosion

- Holy tolino that’s a nice tree!

- Ivy! There’s the guy we don’t like (Trump in a car)

- Why wouldn’t you want to be king? You could get corgis, they’re adorable

- That’s not an allergy, that’s a life choice

- Are you that one guy? Are you DongleMc DongleSon?

- Woooo! CHEMEX!

- THE FURIES ARE COMING

- I NEED A BOYFRIEND AND A SWEATSHIRT

- I wonder what animal that is? Oh wait, it’s a log

- Just a cone, no ice cream. I don’t like ice cream

- My chicken BLT came without the chicken!

- I should have kept the headband from the tampons

- You’ve been reduced to a codename

- Hug, Marry, Exile, the Brucified sleepover game

- It’s just the toes

- Parf Tarts

- It’s crispy?!?!

- When I’m like, 60, I’m going to do drugs

- What really is life without watching Bob Ross?

- 13 YEARS!!!

- Stacy’s mom is Parker’s grandma~

- EmBruce it

- It’s not a water break, it’s a hydration break

- That bird is using a crosswalk!

- I don’t know any colleges in Massachusetts!

- What even is frick without frack

- I’m emotionally offended by your haircut

- That’s like a cat fart

- Someone just shat

- I’M NOT A CHILD PREDATOR DEANNA!!!

- I’ll sue that movie, they stole my idea (Just finished watching Hotel Transylvania 3)

- See, Amanda. That’s your noise

- My mom told me that if you sleep with your phone under your pillow you get fat

- If he were gay he’d be adorable

- He’s racist to chairs

- Flarion is my boob

- Don’t throw the ball at the referee, it’ll hurt his feelings

- Fuck yeah, your name’s Keith

- Can you deep throat a firecracker?

- Your earlobe is soft

- I would sell my toes for my old hair

- It’s like eating a period, NO

- What a funny looking animal (Giraffe)

- Giraffes are the most ridiculous animals

- Ew, keep your ebola away from me

- Look at that glass shard, that must be uncomfortable

- Do sloths have ears?

- Lip jellies freak me out

- A: I have three boobs (Sloth in shirt) B: I have uh.... Arthritis

- Instagram knows I’m lonely

- Knock on any Nonna’s door and tell them you’re Jewish and they’ll pity you and throw you a feast

- But this time it’s just the nose

- I want Granny panties

- Why do we only have confidence when our shirts are off?

- Why is an 8 year old twerking on my leg

- She has curves, you have rectangles

- I’m depressed, give me your water

- Dude! I look like a freaking lion!

- My loofa unraveled...

- I’m eating ramen with a singular coffee straw

- These walls better be soundproof (Amanda loudly singing in the background)

- I’m ready for my 4am Taco Bell runs

- Wifi in Spanish is wee-fee

- I didn’t see the body

- We should crochet together

- Yeah! I was a baby model.

- I don’t know if he likes me or if he’s just the gay best friend

- Have you pooped this week? You need to poop

- You’ve got all your limbs and you’re ready to go

- I need affection

- Diego’s eating rocks again~

- Wait. You’re instagramming my dog?

- I love letting people know what I’m up to

- It’s so funny, it’s like the ying and the yang

- You’re in my world now Grandma

- Two nipples? I don’t need nipples

- You are one gassy fellow

- You’ve got a lot of nerve showing up on our side of the bus

- I can never tell if you’re just depressed or listening to music

- I’ve got a photo shoot coming up for a calendar, for hot teachers with 6-packs. I’m October

- 38 on rotten potatoes!

- I’m hungry, I’m delirious

- DON’T PINCH MY CHUB

- I love clapping thighs in the evening

- Dude, I’m so ready to mingle

- Do you have a magician book

- Let’s taste those minerals

- The sauce is forever

- Why is everything so straight

- The right nipples don’t deserve rights

- We used to have a zebra and he was vicious

- Very important, I forgot shoes

- You look like a lumber snack

- A: I’m the only one here who looks like a hobo B: Really? Say that again A: We can be hobos together

- Woah dude! Can we take a picture of you? *Truck next to the bus*

- What were you guys doing? Bathing yourselves in the toilet?

- I want to be those people in Wii sports (The background characters that make the noises)

- Then we can have a dance party in a prison cell!

- Most of the bible sounds like gay fanfics

- It’s Frozen all over again!

- I have my metal bus on the straw

- My mom told my Dad to not be a weenie

- I’m going to build my house doors really short so you can’t come in

- Do you want to be black with me?

- Are you the black man?

- How did chutes and ladders go sexual?

- What if there was a rotisserie chicken hanging from the ceiling

- No one said Californians are smart, they’re just hippies who smoke weed

- Stop losing me in airport bathrooms

- What’s with those muscular kneecaps

- Queers doesn’t shake hands

- I’m drowning! I’m not even in the water

- Is this baptism?

- Breakfast doesn’t deserve grace

- It’s not just airport bathrooms

- Ice Age, watch it, absorb it

- I call first waz

- If you’re saying waz you’re not fancy

- I have so many bodily fluids to get rid of

- Don’t eat the lotion samples

- Why are our shoes not curved

- I’m just a fat guy so everything is delicious

- My name is Gay Fieri

- *Monotone iCarly theme song*

- I love Chipoodle

- The others are just Bat-ships

- You ever tie a banana to a tree?

- Can we have a fashion show?

- I’m gonna waz myself

- That’s the Death Star again

- Why do you have glitter on you?

- I smoke the mara-ja-wanna

- I have a gelato emergency

- This is our entertainment for the day (Watching a (probably) crazy man dance)

- I have a lot of questions about pottery

- Ever since I was a small child I have found myself goo-goo-ga-ga

- There are too many cans

- We need to stop canning beans

- Forks are way better than spoons

- I hate spoons

- Do you not want two hours of smooth jazz

- A man just stole my nut

- That’s a really bad name for a gay bar

- Is your tongue comfortable in your mouth

- I’m a penguin enthusiast

- He kept force feeding me marshmallows

- Why would you judge a girl by her neck?

- Are there shampoo bars?

- Why would you want a shampoo bar?

- Don’t burn down the house

- Halloween is my day

- You want to be hydrated?

- Are you kidding me? Right in front of my salad?

- We can still cartwheel into a fiery ball

- It’s your last day of camp, why are you trying to land a plane

- There’s a scale from dude to bro to sir

- Gotta vacuum the bird

- I’m teaching my rabbit spanish

- Ok, who got the cheese on a bun???

- I feel like a wet lasagna

- You can get a star for Jazz???

- I have 3 bottles of hand sanitizer

- A- We make children cry! B- NO WE DON’T

- A- Can I have chicken on a plate? B- Chicken on a plate? A- Chicken on a plate

- I want to go to band to get sweaty

- Proactive, it helps your face

- The cult meeting is next week from 2-7

- This is so vegany

- I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THE SONG! NOT THE BEATLES!

- I have shrimp for later

- It burns my eyes, I love it

- It’s not that we hate you, it’s just that sometimes we can’t stand you

- Locked and loaded for a photoshoot first period

- This chalk keeps following me

- Kinda like a Starbucks atmosphere

- How dare she learn how to drive

- You have to sing our anthem with us

- It fits right into the squiggle

- I’m immune to hot sauce (Downs little cup of hot sauce)

- How was fake meatloaf?

- Can you train a fish?

- I haven’t worn pants in a year

- It smells like yogurt

- I have ties for every holiday

- There’s no laws on the moon, so like, you could kill someone???

- Optional means I don’t do it

- I’m gonna cook your dog!!!

- Is that where we almost went to park jail?

- We don’t condone sporting

- I want to turn orange

- Let’s make a buzfeed quiz that tells you what bridge you are

- (In Spanish) Where is the milk?

- If silence is gold, duct tape is silver

- A: So, what are you guys doing? B: Drugs.

- Young successful jewish boy

- A: I’m fun size! *Friend laughter* B: I’m just short...

- A: Where’s my medal??? B: Up your ass

- I’m a leech

- If anyone’s getting salmonella, it’s going to be me

- Does it involve backflips?

- I get to see all the little children getting confused as you disappear into a chair

- I think someone stole my balls by now

- A- A plastic knife can cut another plastic knife B- Why did you cut a plastic knife? A- Dedication!

- A- Oh my god! B- What does this have to do with god? C- *Whispering* Everything

- You’re probably going to die of liver

- I’m a five year old! You can’t have that profanity in here!

- Hey kids get in the van, we’ve got free wifi

- That’s worse than 10 babies hanging from a tree

- Are you from the piggers of creation???

- A- You’re like an old married couple B- (From the distance) He started it!

- I am a Jesus Christ in a person!

- YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MANY CHROMOSOMES THAT COST ME!!!

- I will implant a chip in your ankle! And you won’t know which one!

- I’M AN AVATAR! AIR! (Nothing happens) AIR! (Still nothing)

- When I was on a plane, we started dropping 200 feet at a time, the funny thing was that half of the plane had just gotten their drinks so half the plane was soaked

- Is Christianity a cult?

- A- Do you have experiences with holes B- (Very Unsure) Yes

- I’m her bitch, not your bitch

- He has the IQ of half a ferret

- A- Did you read the game manual? B- The gay manual??

- I want the pleasure of whipping you

- One time I poured a glass of apple cider vinegar and I drank it

- I changed my name to Johnyay West

- Too much damage done to the duner

- On a scale to 1 to Bill Cosby

- Ariana Grande is a criminal

- A- It’s sticky B- Can I take that out of context? A- No

- YOU ZIP TIED HIM TO A CHAIR?!

- It’s half past a freckle

- I need the crotch

- I don’t have imaginary friends. I don’t have friends.

- It’s like a mini fridge for pillows

- You hurt yourself with a stationary elbow

- My parents met at Burger King

- A- What’s the capital of Ohio B- Arkansas...?

- A- What do you do after school? B- Eat C- Sleep D- Cry

- Ask for cocaine, not Coca-Cola

- HOW HAVE YOU NOT TOLD US YOU MAKE STAINED GLASS?!

- You stole my meme bro

- A- Where you the one who drank chocolate sauce? B- (Seemingly proud) Yes.

- OW! MY CALVES!

- The Kardashians are necessary in our society!!!

- I feel like a homeless prostitute

- Ya wanna share a fork

- Now you have a pile of hot cheese

#random #funny conversations #conversation #i just overheard #overheard #haha #funny #long post

[maevelin]

Episode 1x05

1. Five has lived such a hard life. Truly. And in the end all that it mattered to him was to get back to save his family. He is such a cynic but he genuinely cares!

And he literally is a master assassin! That alone makes him one of my faves! 

Seriously though....An adult that is a master assassin trapped in a child’s body. Dude that’s rough LOL...Although imagine the options!

Although he does get a second chance and I feel that despite everything he may be the most emotionally balanced and driven person from their group.  Which does not say much because they are all messed up big time so even in comparison we are still talking about a mess but yeah.

Let us face it. He is the only one that actually seems to pay attention to his siblings. Klaus most of all. He actually bothers to ask and care for his well being too. Sure he is also interested in the time travel part but he actively cares for his family despite how smug he can be and how big his ego is. He is also jaded from time too but still has a heart. He is wise too.

And at least Five can see the bigger picture here. This is why I think has a plan otherwise he wouldn’t follow the handler that easily.

Although his only perspective is not the way to go. He needs more than what he can do alone. He needs his family. Not just to save them. But to let them save him too. Together to save the world.

Which reminds me.

“That’s murder.

...Jesus Luther, grow up”

Should I point out that Luther’s spiel about a code makes no sense when he does not have any? Not truly. Sure he has some morals here and there but are they his? His code was only the indoctrination he received form daddy dearest. At least everyone else took some distance and tried to form their own personalities. He remained the dutiful son. I wonder how is that working out of him lol

And he is so desperate to take upon the mantle of the leader...like dude chill. And if we go by age at this point you could try see past appearance if you are leader material and acknowledge that Five is actually much older than you and take that under consideration instead of dismissing him mentally because you only see your kid brother.

At this point I feel that the only genuine emotions he has separate from his father are the incestuous feelings he has for his sister which is twisted on its own even more than the rest. I mean...

2. The end of everything?...Not everything...the end of something.

I admit that’s interesting. Also I always find it amusing. For every dystopian futuristic apocalypse humans act as if everything in earth is their survival and theirs alone when in reality either way Earth goes on and maybe even in better conditions without the human race in it. We are never humble when we imagine such a future are we?

3. Klaus....KLAUS.

Sure...let me start a new show I say...let me enjoy a new series I say... let me let it break my heart, rip it out of my chest and stomp all over it!

The scene comes with Klaus in the bus and I am in pieces. I can’t! And then the pain keeps on coming!

I can’t believe that all his siblings ever saw him as a joke when he is obviously hurting as much as they do if not more. And now...now it is all coming to a head and they still do not see it. Klaus barely moves and he talks slowly and is silent and looks as if he has quit life and they still don’t see it Unless he breaks down in front of them in all the dramatic crying and spell it out for them they don’t realize it. 

Five saw it . Diego had time to see it but even that had to be stretched thin for him to actually see his brother suffering. 

How can Klaus’ pain be so invisible to his family? How is that even possible? 

And the show keeps breaking him more and more and I...

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THIS SHOW THAT THEY HAVE TO KEEP HURTING KLAUS SO MUCH AND LIKE THAT? WHY???? HE DOES NOT DESERVE THAT! LEAVE HIM ALONE! STOP!

My boy is so depressed. In pieces. Suffering from PTSD of all sorts. 

And...Dave. HOLY SHIT! That picture. The sounds of the bombs...The war...Klaus is a Veteran...he served in the war...and is now suffering loss and post traumatic effects. SHIT!

OMFG! I CAN’T DO THIS! IT HURTS SO MUCH! 

I would like to add that I would also pretty much appreciate it if when Klaus says someone tortured him ...for others to actually oh I don’t know...MAYBE ACKNOWLEDGE IT?

- Kudos to the actor for his acting! Either it is his dramatic acting or his comedic timing. He owns it! 

3.5. Klaus’ and Diego’s scenes WERE PRICELESS!

And that ice cream truck scene..go faster!....WEEHEEEEE!

I Couldn’t stop laughing LMAO

4. I am getting more and more attached with Diego. His stutter and his anger. I liked the potential her had with Eudora and I got sad in the last episode when she died but as I watch the episode now I feel that as a plot it is the kind of one that serves for a male character’s pain and was a bit unnecessary. I don’t like the disposable woman trope for the sake of male development and here it feels so not needed because I am relating with Diego for reasons that don’t have anything to do with Eudora’s loss. His speech issues, his anger, the way he viewed his mom, his scenes with Luther and Klaus. All these things make him interesting and show layers in him. Sure I get his pain with Eudora now but they could have gone without that and I could have kept the ship you know!

Anyhow I start to relate to Diego a lot. And the fact that he actually bothered to ask Klaus if he was okay and then followed him and helped him surely helped me liking him even more. And they connected over their loss which is probably very rare for them to do so if it has even happened before (although we still get in the way the tragic bury your gays trope and the fridging of female characters)...but all in all when Klaus opened up to Diego and Diego was there...it broke my heart but also mended it a little bit too.

BROWNIE POINTS FOR THEIR BRAWL! GO GO GO! 

I think what in the end wins me over with Diego is that he gives the most sibling vibe out of every other sibling in the sense that when you pair him with any of the brothers and the sisters you immediately get the sibling vibe either it is the funny kind or the annoying kind or the strained kind. The caring is there, the annoying each other is there, the I am the one to mess with my family but no one else is allowed is there, I will kick their asses but I will always have their backs is there, the I can’t stand them is there etc. He fights with Luther and they ignite each other and you still see the brothers. Same with Klaus now. I got glimpses with Five. Even with Vanya even when he called her a liability while still being angry with her. With Allison too to an extent. That kind of dynamics with him work perfectly. 

I have seen him so far with his family and I just feel like how is how brothers act with each other or how a brother acts with their sisters and so on and with Diego is effortless.

5. The thing with Vanya will not end well. It can’t be a coincidence that she is getting her powers only days before the apocalypse.

So if she was taking the pills from her childhood it means that her abusive dad got her hooked on them and once she cuts them she gets energetic and happy and has a sharper edge to the way she perceives the world. And as always in such shows powers are related to emotions. Now that she is off the meds she gets her make up, she gets more confident in her responses, she is succeeding. And with the creepy guy giving her calculated nudges she opens up more and more. So the drugs kept her subdued? Why? There was a ripple when she was playing the violin. So she has powers too powers that were hibernating because of the drugs. 

And the end scene with the ripple going all through town...in the creep’s attic next to the violinist he killed was the book Klaus’ threw away in the pilot right? The one Pogo was looking? Their dad’s book. So it has something to do with Vanya and her powers that are now awakening.

How did her father screw up with her too? At this point it is more or less finding the ways their dad didn’t mess them up instead of the other way around.

6. Pogo and Grace. Something is definitely up and of course it all ties together with the end of the world right? 

And Diego had to be right. Mom is feeling things for sure.

7. Luther’s attitude tires me a lot even though I get where he is coming from. He is just so...righteous? In a weird way. And has the kind of alpha male traits I find off putting.  

8. I am finding Allison boring for the most part of it. The moment she is not in a scene I seem to forget she exists if I am being honest here so I can only hope that her arc is leading into something big.

9. Hazel and that waitress are kind of cute.

P.s: 

- That bar fight! LOL...Klaus HEAD BUTTING ASSHOLES and jumping on backs to get into the brawl! 

“I would like to apologize that you are depriving some village OF THEIR IDIOT!”

YEAH BABY! And the difference between him staying out of fights and throwing fire extinguishers in the first episode and now going all in. My baby has grown! 

- Loved the Easter eggs we got with the people/historical figures Five actually killed.

#the umberella academy #Klaus Hargreeves #Five #Five Hargreeves #Diego Hargreeves #Vanya Hargreeves #Ben Hargreeves #Luther Hargreeves #Allison Hargreeves #tua #fel watches tua #spoilers #1x05 #hazel #cha cha

[diego-hargreeve2]

light in the dark

Part One

Fandom: The Umbrella Academy (Netflix)

Ship: Diego Hargreeves x Original Character

Warnings: Language, abuse (emotional and physical), mental illness, violence and, in later chapters, smut.

Since she left home six years earlier Eve’s lifestyle had always been itinerant. Without any of the usual identification that a person would use to gain employment and rent a property, without any ties, she had spent years living out of train stations and bus shelters, hostels when she could, taking it in turns with her few outfits at the launderette and pacing the streets, grateful that she could never freeze in these cold temperatures.

They had already deemed her demon spawn from the moment of her arrival, her mother having suddenly began giving birth at noon despite there having been no sign of pregnancy just minutes before. When the delivery was over, Judith had for a moment interpreted this as a sign of the second coming - but their leader was the only one permitted to read signs from God and he’d had no message to expect this virgin birth. When, as a child, she began starting fires with her hands - well that just cemented it as a clear she was a sign that the Devil was testing them.

It had been more than 20 years before she escaped their isolated existence and found her way into what she still thought of as the outside world - the real world - and when sat in a library reading and educating herself in all the knowledge denied by her religious upbringing she had learned she wasn’t alone. There were 42 others - she had never been recorded, part of a sect that did not believe in birth certificates among other contact with the government - and some of them could do strange things too.

She had made her way to this city hoping to maybe meet one of the Umbrella Academy - maybe to find answers or at least kinship of some kind, somebody who understood. When she actually met one of them it was by accident.

Her body temperature never dropped below 38C, and her hands where the power focused were always over 40C, but like most of the homeless she moved around at night. It felt safer to be on the move - but life isn’t like that.

She must have looked like an easy target - young women in her twenties, delicately built, and alone. And the men weren’t wrong as they crowded her toward the alley.

“Looking for some company baby?”

“No - thank you” she murmured, trying to sidestep but her arm was grabbed, preventing her from moving. She looked between their faces, panic rising inside her - and with it her body temperature.

“Pretty thing like you, all alone? We’ll take care of you” one said, his tone mocking as he reached for her waist - and she grabbed at his arm to deflect him, twisting away as the smell of smouldering fabric and tendrils of smoke began to rise.

“What the-“

It was hard to say whether they were reacting to her or the knife that appeared, a flash of silver curving through the air in an impossible trajectory.

Using the moment of confusion, she pushed at her assailant’s chest, leaving a charred handprint as she leveraged herself away and ducked back into the shadows, eyes wide as she watched another blade hiss through the night gloom and pin one of the men against the bricks.

The other two took their chances and fled, and it was a dark figure in an eye mask who appeared and grabbed the one remaining, yanking him backward - and noting the blackened print of her palm with a frown. Grabbing the collar, he yanked the coat, hard, stripping it from the young man’s back and shoving him hard so he fell to the ground.

“Out of here. Now” he spat before turning toward her, not even watching as the stranger half ran half stumbled away. Shaking the jacket toward the shape still hiding in the shadow he asked “You want to share how you managed that?”

For a moment she was silent, thoughts whirling in her mind before coming to settle in a pattern of realisation.

Knives. Thrown knives that travelled in an arc that should be impossible. And a mask.

The Umbrella Academy. Surely.

Swallowing back nerves she stepped forward - and watched as his gaze readjusted several inches lower than he’d expected for her height - and proffered her hands. Turning them palm upwards, the gesture intended to convey peace, she focused - and her palms began to glow, red light and heat radiating out like lit coals, the pose now conveying far more threat that traditional.

His eyes widened, watching as in the chilly, damp evening steam appeared to rise from her slender, trembling fingers, before he looked back to her face. He opened his mouth as though to speak but appeared lost for words and she shrugged, hardly less confused.

“I was born on the first of October 1989, at noon” she whispered after a moment. 

As introductions went it wouldn’t meet any etiquette standard – but he understood and made the same connection. “You’re one of the others”. The words seemed stunned, even though Eve couldn’t help but assume he must have wondered - ever since she read about the Event, she couldn’t help but think where the rest were. 

“My name is Eve” she offered. Named for the first sinner, named because from the moment she appeared in the world the people who raised her assumed she was a sign of Hell on Earth, a demon child who needed the evil beaten out of them.

“Diego” he offered after a moment, bending forward slightly to look at her hands - her fingers now white hot and the hint of flames beginning to lick along her skin until she curled them into a fist, extinguishing them. It was harder to sustain fire as opposed to just her usual warmth, it pulled energy from the rest of her body - trying to maintain it too long left her seeing stars. 

“Shit” he murmured, more to himself than her. “So the rest...huh”.

“I don’t know about ‘the rest’. There’s me. I found you – and your siblings”. Eve shrugged. The Umbrella Academy were easy to find, marketed more like toys than children, but the others born that day? Maybe they could be found, but it would require skills and connections Eve didn’t have. All she had found so far were dead ends, rumours – and death certificates. 

“Thank you. For them” she nodded toward the jacket he still held, the only remaining sign of the strange men, as an explanation. “Saving lives baby - that’s what I do”. The word didn’t sound the same from him, the flippant way he said it didn’t make her spine shudder as the stranger’s sleazy compliment had. “You should get home though - streets aren’t safe, even with that trick”.

“The streets are my home” Eve admitted with a shrug. That seemed to get his attention as much as her talent, and he frowned. As he scrutinised her she shrugged again, unsure what she could offer other than her life story and frankly that was nothing worth telling.

“So you’re here – looking for the Umbrella Academy – and living on the streets. What, you figured you’d join the gang? Get yourself adopted by a billionaire too?” he asked, his frustration clear and Eve shook her head, slightly hurt at how mercenary it made her sound.

“I had thought - maybe if I came here, I could - well, find some of you. Find somebody who got it. I didn’t have anywhere else to go - or anyone, or anything”. It was a sad, pathetic and highly abbreviated account of her life and Diego’s features softened slightly even as he audibly sighed with frustration.

“I read your sister’s book” she added, almost regretting that disclosure at the way he sneered and turned his head away. “I know – I know it wasn’t some fairy-tale, that isn’t why I’m here. But if you had nothing…if you had nobody…well, do you know a better way to pick a city?” She knew it had been a hugely flawed plan – hell, it barely deserved the title ‘plan’ which implied far more organisation than her actual idea. 

“Could we just – get coffee? Please?” Eve asked, hating how pathetic she sounded but having nothing better. She had come to the city and lived here a year without seeing any of them, she had no other leads, no other ideas, nothing in her life she was striving toward – and that meant she couldn’t help but sound desperate.

“Coffee. Fine. C’mon”.

The stolen coat gave him something to cover the knife harness he wore, and a pocket for the mask as Diego lead her into a diner where he threw himself into a booth.  There was nothing in his body language that indicated an openness to this conversation but perching opposite and leaning forward she forced it anyway.

“Didn’t you ever wonder about the others?” she asked, curious. It’s a weird feeling to have been searching for people who’d never even thought about you.

“Sure. Couple of times – but none of them ever came forward” Diego pointed out. “We’re the easiest to find, right – and this is the first time one of the others found us. I figured maybe the rest were normal”. There was enough disdain in those words that she could infer the added words - like my sister - like Vanya.

“I didn’t even know there were others till a few years ago. I hadn’t heard…I thought I was the only one” Eve said, hesitating now. Theories were safe ground; personal history was shaky.

“But then you found out. And came looking – for what?”

“I don’t know” Eve admitted. “I don’t!” she repeated, adamant despite the scoff he wore. “I just…I thought I was the only person, ok. And it was – awful”. Awful hardly covered it, but it wasn’t a lie and her voice quavered at the confession. “Then I found out about you guys, using this way you were different to do good things, famous and everything and then – well. It didn’t last but I thought…you were a team. You were a family. I didn’t have that, and I thought…that maybe I’d find somebody who understood. And I didn’t have anything better as an option so…”

“So?”

So she didn’t know. Spoken out loud it sounded weak and useless even to her. Diego rolled his eyes, torn between frustration and compassion. What she expected from him, he didn’t know – hell, she didn’t know.

“It was shit for us too. And we’re not exactly playing happy families these days. You didn’t miss anything” he assured her, moving to stand. “I don’t know what you thought would happen by coming here, but there’s nothing for you”.

He had intended just to make an honest point – but the way her chin trembled, and she dropped her head forward, an audible hitch in her breathing, made it clear that he’d taken it too far and that held him in place.

Diego didn’t claim to be a superhero, or a nice guy – just somebody who got things done. Somebody had to handle the jobs nobody else wanted, to sort the problems the law couldn’t – and yet despite the fact he told himself that, had spent years hardening himself, he still stood in place looking down at Eve as she attempted to hide her hurt. Finally, he sighed.

“I know a shelter. Homeless shelter. I’ll show you the way. Maybe they can help you figure stuff”.

@lovinglydiego thank you for the encouragement. I’m not done yet - I hope you like this part 1

#diego hargreeves imagine #diego hargreeves #the umbrella academy fanfic #diego hargreeves fanfic #light in the dark

[unfortunately-lovestruck]

Diego/Antonio Teaching MC Spanish Headcanons

Since you guys seemed to like the Arabic post with Razi (link here), I thought it was about time I do this one as well. Enjoy!

Diego

MC constantly fucks with him and purposely messes up just to amuse herself

Don’t even mention how many times she’s sung Despacito

it’s atrocious, really

“Diego, estoy caliente”

“Tengo calor, for the fifth time, it’s tengo calor!”

Diego knows she’s just screwing with him, but so help him God if he has to hear her say “Estoy embarazada” one more time—

to be completely honest, he’s not even sure if she knows she’s saying that one wrong too

ser and estar are.... challenges, to say the least

along with that, he’s naturally just teaching her Castillian Spanish when she’s more used to Latin American

now usually, that’s not a problem

until...

“MC, voy a coger un taxi”

“I’m sorry you’re going to what a taxi—?“

It’s the little things

You’d think Diego would be more aware of these dialect differences (seeing as he was part of the cause of them) but he somehow just doesn’t

So now he has to explain that, no MC, he is not going to fuck a taxi, and that no, he doesn’t know why that specific verb changed so drastically over 500 years

MC’s pronunciation is decent, and he hangs onto that one comfort at the very least

even if she has a hard time grasping the importance of accents

“MC, años has to have the ñ, there’s no option to exclude it”

“I know it’s there, just take my word for it”

“Just make sure to write it down, please”

“It doesn’t seem that important though”

oh how wrong she was in that statement

for the rest of the night, Diego had to explain to her that instead of writing “I’m 23 years old” she wrote “I have 23 anuses”

it was an eventful night

it still amazes him how, despite her cute (but constant) mistakes, she manages to nail curse words every, single, time

this especially flourishes during moments of road rage

MC (whilst honking aggresively in the car): CHINGA TU MADRE PINCHE PENDEJO

Diego (with whiplash): ¿QUE?

however, regardless of the many fuck-ups (and overwhelming awkward explanations), the two have fun and actually make progress

sometimes, MC can have a whole, stable conversation with him completely in Spanish

the others in Havenfall’s Finest watch with amazement as the two start having conversations half in Spanish and half in English without even realizing it, only after a few months of learning

and of course, the more amorous conversations are especially prominent as well

they settle on the term “mi amor”, and ignore JD gagging exaggeratedly in disgust whenever they do

it’s simple, but no matter how basic the term is, it will never lose the effect MC always experiences when she hears them from him

Antonio

his teaching style is much more casual

he’s also much more aware of dialect differences, and manages to explain them to MC pretty efficiently

because of this the “coger” crisis was averted rather quickly

he knows when she’s messing with him just like Diego

only, his approach to combat it is a little bit different

MC: Estoy embarazada

Antonio: ¿Verdad? ¿Cuando es tu fecha de vencimiento?

MC: What now

Antonio: Pues, la fecha de vencimiento. ¿Es un niño o niña?

yeah she didn’t try to mess with him again after that

he actually kept the joke up even after that and only stopped when she finally said “No estoy embarazada”

although, when she purposely made the intentional mistake of saying, “Estoy caliente” things got much more.... well, heated

what’s spicier, a hot cheeto or Antonio’s dick because the world may never know

back to his teaching style

like with everything, he’s cunning about it

he only says sentences in Spanish or makes her try and figure out a sentence if he’s confident she’ll get it

and most of the time, his guesses are correct, and she ends up feeling proud of herself and is much more willing to try speaking on her own

plus he also likes feeling her absolutely beam down the emotional connection when she gets something right but he’s a bad bitch so he won’t admit it

it’s his form of encouragement in a way

and even though the bond certainly helps, he’s almost scarily effective at knowing exactly how to teach MC

she ends up carrying whole conversations in just a month or two

he more or less cracked the code kind of

he understands how she processes information, and thus makes it easier for her to actually retain all of it

Example

“Ok, but why does the word for pregnant sound like the word for embarassed, it’s just a little too uncanny”

“Well think of this. What’s an embargo?”

“It’s when ships can’t leave a station or something, right?”

“I don’t know you, tell me”

“You’re the ex-conquistador here”

“Touché. But what does that mean the ships are? What’s the verb of embargo, and embargar?”

“Theyre.... embarred”

“Exactly.”

“Oh my God. Pregnancy is just a fetus embargo.”

“Bingo.”

......

He never said she had a normal way of understanding things

But does any of this mean he’s the better teacher between him and Diego?

Well

Not necessarily

If anything, MC’s vocabulary for swears only increases under his guidance

Sometimes she’ll learn just from listening to him curse

Other times he will intentionally teach her some nasty-ass phrase

“Que te folle un pez” was his personal favorite

And of course, one of the first ones she learned was “Me cago en la leche” after Antonio said it towards a very confused Victor

He actually cackled and applauded her one time when MC pointed to Victor and said “Gilipolla” completely unprovoked

Victor, however, was still very, very confused

And of course, with how extra Antonio is, he uses more pet names than MC can keep track of

she stopped counting when he somehow hit double digits

she didn’t even think there WERE that many pet names in one language to be honest

“cariño”, “cielo”, “mi corazón”, “mi vida”, “amada”, etc. etc. etc.

seriously, it’s borderline ridiculous

And that’s all I have for this! I hope you found it enjoyable and maybe even learned something from it! 💕

#havenfall is for lovers #lovestruck #hifl #diego escalona #antonio vasquez #hifl diego #hifl antonio

[puccafangirl]

Words Too Late

Man, joining and seeing all the super cool options Archive of Our Own has to offer really managed to motivate me to write another fic again! And so soon after the last one for once too! But anyway, here's a fanfic representing my disappointment over the Peaches/Louis ship sinking as soon as Ice Age 5 came out and him being pushed to the side as a mere cameo instead of a major character like in the last movie. Enjoy the sorrow, lol.

It’s been five years since Louis saved Peaches from the clutches of Captain Gutt and moved to a lusher island as a replacement for their previously destroyed Snow Valley. The both of them had grown up to be young adults with ambitions of their own. At least Peaches did.

Louis, now 20 years of age, still hasn’t decided what exactly he wants to do in the future. He’d often hear the same old story from many animals who say they hope to one day settle down with a family of their own when they grow up, but Louis never thought that far ahead, and felt like creating a family of his own would just be adding to what he felt like a mere trend among many mammals.

Besides, he already has a family, and it’s with Peaches and the rest of her wacky members a part of it. True he would very often go scavenging around on his own, still digging underground as molehogs do, but he felt happy to know that he had good friends to come back to whenever he needed them.

Not to mention he has no interest in any other member of his molehog species. To this day Peaches remains the only one for him, even if they aren’t the same species at all and she’s so much bigger than him by comparison. He knew and practically accepted by this point that she doesn’t seem to exactly return his feelings, but he was still happy to be her best friend and to spend as much time with her as possible.

He had often hoped however, that one day he’d be able to tell her just how he feels, and although he knew it was very likely just wishful thinking, maybe she too could eventually return those feelings someday. A romantic relationship with her may not work on a species-related level but he didn’t care. He loved her and would do anything for her, no matter how dangerous the situation.

The stomping of large feet caught the attention of one of his ears, flicking up in response. Why there she was! An excited 21-year old Peaches who looked incredibly eager to tell him something.

Louis smiled at her as adoringly as he always did. “Hey, Peaches, what’s up? You look really happy!”

Peaches giggled excitingly. “I am! I’ve got the most wonderful news to tell you, Louis!”

He snickered, charmed by her excitement. “Really? What is it?” He asked eagerly himself.

She gave out a small giggly squeal. “Well, you know that really nice mammoth, Julian?”

Louis’ smile immediately turned into a frown. Yes, he knew Julian, and he knew that Peaches had eyes for him for quite a few months now and he seemed to feel the same way. It made him jealous the way she looked at him with such adoration, but at the very least, he could agree that he was a much better mammoth than Ethan.

“Yeah? What about him?”

Peaches squealed again. “Well, after a few months of hanging out together and having so much fun, just a few minutes ago, Julian proposed to me!” She excitedly shouted out.

Louis immediately felt his heart stop and stomach churn, his eyes widening in shock. “P-proposed?!” He responded, a nervous and heart-breaking feeling erupting within him.

“Uh-huh! And he did it so perfectly too. He set up all these beautiful stocks of flowers everywhere, invited Mom, Dad, Uncle Sid and Diego, Uncle Crash and Eddie, and Aunt Shira all together, and he gave me the most romantic speech. Then he kneeled down and offered me the most beautiful pearl for my trunk in marriage that I have to show you right now!”

Reaching out her trunk from behind the back of her head, she pulled out the pearl Julius had given her, and although Louis could definitely agree it was beautiful, that wasn’t enough to distract him from the stuttering nervous mess he was becoming. “B-but-!”

“Unfortunately, Dad didn’t look too pleased with the proposal, but you know how he still kind of is with me and boys. I’m glad he agreed to come at least. Though Sid’s granny didn’t cause she’s just always her usual crabby self and says she divorced her husband long ago.” She laughed, so overcome with excitement that she didn’t notice Louis freaking out.

“B-but, wait! This is so out of nowhere, when- how did this happen? I mean I know you’ve spent time with him for so long but, why now? Why wasn’t I invited or notified over any of this?!” He continued stuttering anxiously.

Peaches frowned. “I was going to invite you, but I couldn’t find you anywhere and kept calling for you, but you never responded, so I figured you must’ve been too deep underground to hear. As a result, the proposal ceremony still wasn’t one hundred percent perfect without you there… I’m so sorry, Louis. I guess I really should’ve looked harder or tried to dig deeper into the ground myself.” She told him apologetically with a guilty expression.

Although Louis felt flattered by her admitting that it wasn’t entirely the same without him, he felt his heart sink. Not only from missing the proposal and not being informed of it, but from knowing that she’s finally been taken by someone else. He let out a disappointed sigh, looking down at the ground with a pained expression.

Peaches began to feel worse. “Oh, Louis, I’m so, so sorry, I know you would’ve wanted to come. It’s all my fault for not looking hard enough and now I left you feeling so sad and left out and-“

“It’s fine, Peaches.” Louis interrupted.

Her eyes widened, cocking an eyebrow, still concerned. “What?”

He took in a deep breath and glanced up at her with the best smile he hoped he could give her, even if forced. “It’s fine. You tried looking for me and wanted to invite me, but I was so buried underground that I was hard to find, and that’s okay. I understand.”

She placed her trunk on the side of his cheek sympathetically, a light blush appearing on his face and barely realizing that he was leaning into her gentle grasp. “Are you sure?” She asked him with guilt and concern still clear within her voice.

He gripped her trunk and slowly pulled it away, holding it affectionately within his tiny claws. “Of course. I’m happy for you and your new fiancée.” He told her with a reassuring smile.

Peaches smiled back. “Well…if you say so…”

Louis nodded, feeling his expression change to sadness again, letting go of her trunk in the process.

The young mammoth gazed at him worriedly once again. “Louis, are you really sure? You still look really sad!”

“No, I’m fine Peaches, it’s entirely something else!” He snapped back.

Slightly startled, she now felt concern and confusion. “Well, what else could it be that’s bothering you?”

Louis let out another sigh. He knew what it was, but she certainly didn’t. She never did because he never worked up the nerve to tell her his true feelings. And now those days of hoping he’d be able to tell her and hopefully have her return his feelings are completely over. She now belongs to someone else. His chances with her are gone. But did he ever even have any chances with her to begin with? He was a molehog and she was a mammoth after all, and it was clear for a long time that she was hopelessly in love with Julian. And even though it hurts him terribly, he at least felt relieved to know that it was with a good guy who truly loves her back unlike Ethan. But now with her engagement to be married, there’s no way he could tell her how he feels now. It’s too late. And he’ll lay a long time in a pool of regret for completely wasting the years not feeling brave enough to tell her, even if he knew that even if he told her, they still probably wouldn’t be meant to be.

He shook his head, running a claw through his hair to maintain a calm and supportive attitude. “It’s nothing, Peaches, I’ll get over it soon, so don’t you worry, okay?” He told her, looking up at her with another reassuring smile.

Peaches still felt bad, but she took Louis’ word for it. “Okay.”

She ruffled her trunk through his hair affectionately, Louis laughing softly in response. “Well, since I couldn’t find you to invite you to the proposal ceremony, you’ll come to the actual wedding, won’t you?” She asked him hopefully.

Louis nodded, a grateful smile forming on his face. “Yeah, absolutely! No matter where you go or whatever happens, I’ll always be here for you, Peaches. Never ever doubt that.” He told her with true honesty.

She smiled gratefully back. “And no matter where you go or whatever happens Louis, you will always be my best friend.”

Louis immediately smiled that adoring smile he always gave her once again, his cheeks a light red. “Of course, thank you, Peaches.”

“You’re welcome, and thank you too, Louis.”

She began to walk off, turning her back towards his direction. “You wanna hang out some more tomorrow?” She asked gleefully.

“Absolutely.” He replied affectionately.

Peaches nodded, and walked off.

Now that she was gone, Louis began to truly feel the heartbreaking pain he was going through. His eyes welled up with tears and he sat down, all alone in his misery. He was glad that he was still Peaches’ friend and he was glad that she still cared about him even if they’re strictly platonic feelings, and he knew that even just being her friend was good enough for him as it always been even after he saved her, because supporting her and being with her were the truly most important things of all to him. And he agreed to do his best by continuing that support by coming to her wedding and congratulating her on her marriage. But he still couldn’t deny how much it hurt to know that her heart now belongs to someone else and how he had so much time to tell her but never did.

Continuing to sob, he pulled his knees up to his face, hiding in them and found himself gently and tragically whispering out some of the words she could never hear.

“Goodbye, Peaches…”

Dammit, Louis, I'm so sorry I put you through so much pain for the sake of a fanfic. I will always ship you and Peaches. You deserved so much better, dammit. ;^;

Also, forgive me for my repetitive writing... I know it's pretty meh compared to many other fanfiction writers I can think of;;;

#man this kind of motivation to write feels great can i have it come to me as often as drawing please? #and can it last more than a few minutes? XD #ice age #peaches #louis #fanfic #peaches/louis #peaches x louis #peachesxlouis #louis/peaches #louisxpeaches #ice age peaches #peaches ice age #louis ice age #ice age louis #louis the molehog #hurt/comfort #one-shot #mollie's fanfics

[healing-hanyou]

Ace Attorney, Danganronpa, Love Live for the ask meme

STRAP YOURSELVES IN, KIDDOS. THIS IS A FUCKING ESSAY RIGHT HERE.

Ace Attorney:

Favorite Male Character: Miles Edgeworth. Shi-Long Lang is great as well. I also have a soft spot for Klavier, Sebastian and Apollo. And, naturally, my space son, Clay Terran.

Favorite Female Character: Kay Faraday!! Props also go to Mia Fey and Trucy Wright, as well as Athena and Jinxie.

Favorite Het Ship: Farabeste (Sebastian/Kay). Cykesquill as well, but I’m very specific about how and when I like it...like, ridiculously specific. Diego/Mia is good as well. For something more ridiculous that I think would be fun, Clay and Athena could have had a great dynamic. Maybe even Clay and Jinxie, if we go out and be totally wild.

Favorite Slash Ship (both M/M and F/F): Klapollo, Langworth, Nahyuta/Simon. Vera/Trucy, lady Cykesquill, Robin/Myriam and Athena/Juniper for the ladies. 

Least Favorite Male Character: how to I condense the list of the bastards? Kristoph is evil, but I cannot deny he had charm as a character - he’s terrifying, but fascinating, so I cannot name him as my least favourite. I think I’ll go with either von Karma or Blaze Debeste. They’re responsible for so much misery, and they don’t have any tragic reasons for being the way they are.

Least Favorite Female Character: Ma//ya Fe//y. I know the reasons people have for liking her, and I can forgive some flaws in writing, but she simply has too many of them. I know she is a courageous girl who ultimately wishes to do good, but the way she acts, especially in the first two games... just make me go ‘hmmmm’. Honestly, my favourite games in the series are those where I don’t get to see her. Young Pearl is also very low down on the list, and she was my least favourite for a long while, but her teenage years made me soften up to her, she’s pretty great in DD.

Least Favorite Het Ship: anything that encourages abuse, like Grant/Lana? Why would you do this? Also, I’m not fond of Athena/Apollo or Juniper/Apollo. Apollo is far too gay in my eyes to ever be together with a girl. Phoenix/Maya is another one I dislike.

Least Favorite Slash Ship (both M/M and F/F): same rule as above applies. Aside from those, I... don’t have many slash ships I actively dislike, surprisingly? My main one would be Wri//ght//wor//th, since, in my opinion, it’s very overhyped, and I cannot turn around in this fandom without seeing it, but even that is mostly just...annoyance.

Dirty Little Secret: I haven’t forgotten about my dumbass theory. I’m just...really fucking slow.

Headcanon(s): this will need to be answered in its own separate asks. I have headcanons for everyone. For now, though - Jinxie Tenma is a Fey.

Unpopular Opinion(s): I like Gyakuten Kenji far more than the original games. In general, games with a protag that’s not Phoenix and newer games in the series I tend to like more. Not to imply that the original trilogy was bad or anything, but... Edgeworth is far more solid as a protagonist, not only because his side was relatively unexplored, but because his investigation methods were so much more sensible. Phoenix has this ‘wing it’ approach, which works fine, until you see past it. When you see past it, the tension build-up it tries to pull fails massively, and you just get annoyed by Phoenix never thinking ahead for anything, or being oblivious. With Edgeworth, when there are moments of tension, they appear because of something genuinely unexpected, or because Edgeworth made a miscalculation (which allows character growth). Even when Edgeworth has to pull dumb or crazy shit, it feels like it makes sense, because he thinks, even when he panics. Also, Phoenix is tied down by the worst accompanying duo of Maya and Pearl all the time, while Edgeworth acquires an absolutely amazing set of sidekicks (and he not only gets fun new ones, like Kay and Lang, but there’s so much detail in his interactions with Gumshoe, Franziska and Larry as well? It was great to see the Edgeworth/Larry dynamic of the friendship). Plus, I like the Logic Chess things, the soundtrack is my favourite (how exactly COULD you even attempt to top Shi-Long Lang’s theme???), at least if we’re not counting PLvsAA as a part of this universe, and I like the visuals of it much better. In short, everybody should play these fucking games right fucking now, and storm Capcom offices so they actually port GK2 for the Western market.

A lot of the same criteria apply for the newer games, too. While DD was a comeback for Phoenix, it was a game with mixed protagonists, and it was a new Phoenix as well. Apollo probably has my second favourite supporting character crew after Edgeworth, and, at the time, his Perceive mechanic was refreshing to see after being stuck to the same gimmick for 3 games. Same with Athena. She differs dractically from both Phoenix and Apollo, and brings a new mechanic and a new set of associated people. In other words? I’m happy this series is trying new things, and exploring extra protagonists where it can. It has improved a whole bunch as a result.

Danganronpa:

Favorite Male Character: Byakuya Togami, Kiyotaka Ishimaru. Nagisa Shingetsu. Gundham Tanaka, Hajime Hinata, Kuzuryuu Fuyuhiko, Nagito Komaeda. Shuuichi Saihara, Ouma Kokichi, Rantarou Amami.

Favorite Female Character: Aoi Asahina, Celes, Touko Fukawa. Sonia Nevermind, Peko Pekoyama, Akane Owari, Ibuki Mioda. Angie Yonaga, Kirumi Toujou, Maki Harukawa, Tenko Chabashira. 

Favorite Het Ship: Togami/Asahina, Ishimaru/Asahina, Hinata/Ibuki, Tanaka/Pekoyama (I’m especially fond of this one, also titled Soft Animals Edge Duo). Sonia/Kuzuryuu is also great, though that is a platonic ship, as I headcanon Sonia as aro.

Favorite Slash Ship (both M/M and F/F): Naegi/Ishimaru, Naegi/Togami. KomaNaegi is quite pure, but a friend also got me into KomaSouda as a complimentary ship to TanaPeko. A crackship, but still a favourite is Izuru/Ryouta. And, of course, the ultimate fave - Saiouma. (A nice shoutout also goes to Oumota and Amamota). As for the ladies, Kirizono and Celesgiri, and all gay Asahina ships are good, SoniAkane & Pekobuki. In V3, Tenko is mega gay, so there’s a chance for every gay ship, however, my favourite one is Tenko/Maki. If we’re talking non-Tenko ships, Angie/Maki sounds fun.

Least Favorite Male Character: in DR1, surprisingly, none. Well, Hagakure can get on my nerves, but I like just alright all of them. In SDR2, Nidai, in my opinion, didn’t have that great of a development, so I guess him. Though I also have plenty of issues with Souda. In V3, Gon//ta Go//ku//ha//ra.

Least Favorite Female Character: All DR1 girls are good, and even if they aren’t, they’re at least interesting or entertaining. But if I have to pick, Junko, if we’re judging morality. In SDR2, Mi//kan Tsu//mi//ki and Hi//yo//ko Sai//onji,in terms of morality and/or being dicks. In terms of rather poor writing (despite having a good idea), Chi//a//ki Na//na//mi. In V3, H//i//m//i//k//o Y//u//m//e//n//o and K//a//e//d//e A//k//a//m//a//t//s//u. The final one is also my least favourite in the entirety of the series as a whole.

Least Favorite Het Ship: Jun//ko//ma//e//da. In general, any Junko ship is not very good for plenty of reasons. Na//e//gi//ri. In SDR2, Souda/Sonia (she’s clearly not comfortable with him), Nidai/Akane, Hi//na//na//mi.. Not sure if should be mentioned here, but romantic Kuzupeko? Mostly because I cannot picture it as a thing. I do, however, like them platonically, they do care about each other a whole bunch. In V3, Sa//i//ma//tsu (never make me look at it). 

Least Favorite Slash Ship (both M/M and F/F): Chi//hi//mon//do. Even if I do like Mondo okay, it’s not healthy. Ka//mu//ko//ma. Son//dam. Jun//ko//mi//kan? Mahiru/Peko for sure. Kiib//ou//ma, too.

And the one I guarantee I’ll receive anon hate over - Te//n//hi//mi.

Dirty Little Secret: this series somehow manages to combine the good with the ridiculous in such a way that I can accept.

Unpopular Opinion(s): I am the literal embodiment of unpopular opinions in this franchise. I think V3 is the best game of the series, and it had a brilliant twist (both the start one and the final one). I don’t really ship the most popular ships, the obvious exception being Saiouma (and, to an extent, SoniAkane? It’s a popular Akane ship, at least). I think Saihara is a far better protag choice than the other option that was presented, since the story and its structure was made to fit him. I’m the unpopular opinion and rarepair central in this fucking thing. (Please help me.)

Love Live!:

Favorite Male Character: yay for not having prominent males, which means I get to skip 2 more questions here.

Favorite Female Character: In Muse’s, my top 3 is Hanayo, Eli and Maki. In Aquors, my top 3 is You, Kanan and Dia (though Mari and Chika are also very lovable).

Favorite Slash Ship (both M/M and F/F): Makipana! It’s very very cute. I also quite like HonoEli. HonoMaki is also quite nice. In Aquors, YouKanan or DiaKanan. 

Least Favorite Female Character: Not unpopular by any means, but Ni//co Ya//za//wa. In terms of singing voice, Kotori. In Aquors, R//i//k//o S//a//k//u//r//a//u//c//h//i. 

Least Favorite Slash Ship (both M/M and F/F): Ni//co//ma//ki??? I will never understand why people like it. In Aquors, Chi//ka//ri//ko and You//ri//ko. 

Dirty Little Secret: I quite like A-RISE. Every song they’ve ever done is an absolute banger, as the youth says.

Unpopular Opinion(s): would you look at that. Another fandom where I’m the monarch of rarepairs.

#Ask meme answers #wow I sure as fuck got...spirited #apologies to all and everyone #I tried by best to slash out character and ship names I list in my disliked sections since I don't want people to see them through search #alsoo for my own safety #I know whose fans can get very aggressive so I am taking no risks #no more angsty messaes for me please #anyway cheers for asking #wanderingthroughwickford #Words spoken at me

[carstairsdaily]

Lord of Shadows Review & Analysis! SPOILERS AHEAD, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

On another note about spoilers, I get that seeking out spoilers as well as snippets, are a product of waiting so long for the next book… but I don’t know that I will treat them the same way going into QOAAD because I almost felt, while reading, that I had read 35% of the book already! I can’t promise that I won’t seek out spoilers or snippets, but I do hope that less are released over the next two years (I know that sounds ridiculous, but I would prefer a surprise!) With Regards to Individual Characters: • Emma: a feminist badass, growing into being the best shadowhunter of her time but not there yet. Her sarcasm and skill has improved since LM, and I literally laughed out loud during her POV’s and while reading her quotes. The scene with her and Diego and the fire ants= pure gold. Her scene with Manuel and calling out the cohort for being fascists= pure gold. • Julian: a sweetheart and I want to cry thinking about how much he has been through. I know “Dark Julian” has been referenced several times throughout the fandom but I really didn’t see too much of a change until- actually- the steamy scene with Emma where he demands that she calls him only Julian. Very sexy, very dark too. • Cristina: deserves better and I am dying for more of her POV’s. I am always amazed by her class and maturity. • Diego: not perfect. I am mad at him. • Kit: surprisingly likeable. I am so glad they included POV’s with him and Jace!! • Livia: underrated as hell, so sweet, so caring, so selfless, her charm and sarcasm= gold. • Ty: I AM SO GLAD WE ARE FINALLY STARTING TO SEE T Y B L A C K T H O R N AND HIS TRUE SELF-A M E N. • Dru- her crush on Jaime is fitting for a first crush and I’m glad he gave her the confidence to speak up. I want to hug her literally all the time. • Tavvy- irrelevant but cute. SHIPS: • I surprisingly loved Mark and Emma’s dynamic. Their relationship reminded me of a mundane high school sweetheart kind of relationship, because you can tell they absolutely care about each other, I just don’t see them as anything more than a bromance. I will however agree with the sentiment, "maybe in another life" because maybe, in another series, in another world, they would have been perfect for each other. • Kieran/Mark/Cristina: I find it significant that no choices were made in terms of canon relationships, which I interpret as a canon friendship because if any of them were going to be romantically involved, a decision would be made by now. I enjoy the friendship they have, I surprisingly forgave Kieran, but I do not expect any of the Blackthorns or Emma to forgive him also. His actions in QOAAD will definitely define how I feel about him going forward. • JEMMA: You all know I am 100% a Jemma shipper, but this time around I was glad that their relationship did not overshadow the rest of the book. I liked how private their relationship was, which is a funny word to use because people become more privy to it in LOS and because it was extremely private in LM, but the fact that they were literally in a different part of their country on their own made me all happy. • I am also glad that I got the B&N copy with the extra scene, which I waited to read because it is right after the ending of the book and I did not want to read anything after finishing LOS, lol. • Kitty: No canon romantic relationship yet, still very cute scenes… Ill talk about this in theories. • Kit/Livia: I am glad that Livvy’s first kiss was Kit, and not some random boy who won’t treasure the memory or look back and think “oh she was sweet, it’s a shame what happened to her”. Kit will always treasure the fact that he was Livia’s first kiss, and will cherish the friendship he had with her. It was platonic, but still special. I know people on tumblr were upset with this but I hope by the end of the book they understood. PROFOUND THINGS IN LOS • Lets talk about the fact that Emma Carstairs literally doesn’t cry….. but she cried over Julian literally 400 times in Lord of Shadows. If that doesn’t show you how much she literally loves that boy idk what will. • CLARY SHIPS JEMMA. During their conversation Clary literally says “who I pictured you with [not Mark or Cameron] doesn’t make sense….” This goes back to my question to CC about whether or not Simon knows about Jules and Emma, since he noticed something off during the parabatai ceremony. She responded “he knows something, he just doesn’t know what he knows”. I think the same applies to Clary, maybe she has even had premonitions about it, and that is so so significant. #jemmaisendgame • Kit and Livia and Ty’s friendship: so sweet and pure and is literally the reason why Kit decides to stay. How will Ty and Kit function without their third musketeer? • DRU & JAIME: Thank you Jaime for giving Dru the confidence to confront her family over her role as a Shadowhunter… but the witchlight you left behind that literally portals to another dimension: WTF? WHO IS ASH????? That scene is messed up because it is so short and therefore, subconsciously everyone looks over it because of how chaotic everything else is. I can’t help but feel like this is going to play a MASSIVE role in QOAAD. • Diana & Gwyn: Thank you CC for trans representation and a beautiful story. The fact that Gwyn accepts her wholeheartedly made my chest ache, and I hope that no one will use it against her please please please. • Jules & Emma’s Decision to tell the Inquisitor: Not sure why they did this tbh, but now that Robert is dead, what are their options??? Did he mark it down somewhere? Will they become so irrational that they consider the Seelie Queen’s offer? Livia’s Death • Months ago I received an anon message from someone about Livvy, which literally said that they felt something was going to happen to her and I completely dismissed it…. Thinking we haven’t seen enough of her storyline yet and it was too soon. I AM SO SORRY, and it’s literally all I have been thinking about for days. • Livia was so so selfless, down to her core, the last moments of her life were spent trying to save the people she loves. • I discussed with a mutual that the fact that Annabel did it was both cruel and also extremely fitting. • When you think about it, Livvy was the 21st century version of Annabel. From their appearance, which was remarkably similar, to the way that they treated outsiders taking refuge in their family (Livvy with Kit, Annabel with Malcolm) down to their deaths, both innocents killed trying to protect the ones they love. • The fact that the Mortal Sword shattered to me symbolized the end of the truth and trust within the Clave. • The amount of guilt that each character will carry following these deaths is heartbreaking… • i sincerely hope her death is not tossed to the side, discussed for 150 pages then only mentioned 4-5 times after that because she deserved better, the entire Blackthorn family did, and peace was completely ripped away from them Which brings me to my first theory: I believe there was a reason that Jessamine was introduced to TDA, not only to highlight Kit’s Herondale-ness, but also as a foreshadowing of another character who is not at peace, feels that there is unfinished business, and a group of people needing to be protected: Livia. Because it was made clear in the book that necromancy and raising the dead is forbidden, and because QOAAD takes place a week later, Livvy’s chances of being raised are very very very slim. I sincerely believe that she will come back, but not to life. It would be fitting of her to come back as a ghost (not at first but definitely later in the story) and for her to protect her family, and give Kit and Ty the OK to do whatever they want to do (whether its be a couple or become parabatai, or go to the Scholomance) More theories: • Though I predict a dark Julian, I do not predict a dark/irredeemable Julian, who digs himself into such a big hole that he can’t climb out of it. Remember he has two anchors: his family, and Emma… • The Rosales brothers, especially with their plans to overthrow the Cohort and fool Zara are going to play a massive role in QOAAD. • I think that Jemma are going to have to confide in Jem and Tessa, and they will end up helping Jules and Emma with the parabatai curse. I am also sure they will play a big role in the next book. • Unpopular Opinion: I do not think Clary will die. I know she thinks she will, but CC did say QOAAD is lighter (in regards to themes) than LOS, and I just do not think it would be a lighter book if Clary, a significant character, dies. I think she will become close to death, and people will become concerned, then she will tell Jace of her fears and say yes to his proposal. However, I could very well be wrong!! •i do predict the Cohort being in power for a short amount of time….. because they represent members of our society, I do not think they will be shut down so easily because that’s not realistic. Despite this, hope and love always win. I trust that this will remain true in the next book. • I do predict the end of the Cold Peace, it was never ever a good idea and no one likes it. • I predict that Drusilla will be a hero, now that her older sister has passed away and she has finally decided to step up as a Shadowhunter, I do not doubt that the role she plays will be significant, it just seems to be a reasonable underdog story. • Kitty: parabatai or lovers? An important decision, because Kit does reference his thoughts about being parabatai with Ty, and Ty finally says yes to being parabatai with Livvy. I think it’s a possible “that’s what Livvy would have wanted” trope, but I could also be wrong and think its about as equal of a chance of them becoming lovers. • Who will the new head of the LA Institute be? I sincerely doubt it will go to someone the Blackthorns do not know or trust. They have had so much taken from them, the Institute does not deserve to go next. Possibly Cristina? Will Jules or Emma be of age? Jem or Tessa following the end of the Cold Peace? We have to see! • ASH… I am just frustrated that we do not know more about him… I don’t even have a theory I just needed an excuse to talk about him again. Questions and Theories from my mutuals!!!!! • Anonymous: Its 3 am and I am literally just crying on my bed because of the book. ​ >> Relatable!! I cried hours after I finished because I was so sad. The ending really got me! • Anonymous: Do you think Jaime and Dru are endgame? She is 13 and hes like 17 but he thinks she’s 16. Idk, they seem to have a nice friendship but not a romantic relationship in my opinion.. ​ >> Agreed! I honestly think CC included this first crush idea as a way of introducing Dru’s further character development, not necessarily to introduce them as a couple… But also think about Cecily and Gabriel!!! They were about the same ages at the time, even though that was a different time period… anything is possible, but I do not ship them romantically! • VirginaNewman: I loved LOS, however I was indeed disappointed that Helen + Aline make a debut in the LAST chapter! ​ >> I definitely thought Helen and Aline would play a larger role in LOS, they were barely mentioned, barely had any scenes… I was disappointed by their small role too, but I am interested to see how hard they fight to stay in the next book. Ps- the scene where Aline basically tells Zara to shut her fucking mouth is GOLD. • Betweenshadesoftessagray- Since Robert’s dead, its going to be a race to get that spot, with probably Zara’s father trying to become Inquisior. And since Robert was the one who could help Emma and Julian with the exile thing, they really don’t know what to do with it. I think the powers will continue to grow, and since I think the main battle of QOAAd is going to be a battle where the warlocks and nephilim cannot use their runes/warlock magic, maybe their parabatai magic will still work and that’s how they win. I have already stated that I think there is going to be a battle in QOAAD without being able to use rune magic and the warlocks not being able to use their magic, but this didn’t fit in my other ask I just realized something that made my theory more solid: in the beginning, Zara says she went to Hungary because they were claiming their weapons were not working and she said it was incompetence, so the blight is already spreading not only in Idris but everywhere else. ​ >> This is such a well thought out theory and I wish I could give a formal response but I definitely need to go back, reread, and analyze this… I didn’t even realize the significance of Shadowhunters and warlocks including Magnus losing their powers!! Wow! Is this because of the Black Volume? I definitely think Emma and Julian’s parabatai/love powers will play a huge role in QOAAD and maybe even save the day during this second Dark War. Maybe that’s how they will become heros, their bond will be broken as a reward or something and everyone can live happier ever after? AHH! • Share your theories and thoughts in the comments below or inbox me (not on Anon so I can respond privately!!!)

#lord of shadows #lord of shadows spoilers #Los spoilers #Los #tda #the dark artifices #cassandra clare #spoilers #review #jemma #jace herondale #clary fairchild #julian blackthorn #jules and emma #emma carstairs #carstairsdaily #theories #blackthorn family #CC #tavvy blackthorn #ty blackthorn #kit rook #kit and ty

[morozovastarkovs]

Kierarktina: An analysis

Because this keeps bothering me somehow, I decided to make a post about it, specifically about my 3 theories on how this love triangle could possibly turn out in the 3rd book. Spoilers for Lord of Shadows.

1.) Kieran becomes Unseelie King and Marktina is endgame  This is the one I believe to be most likely, at the current point in time. For one, Adaon is definitely not going to be Unseelie King — plans rarely work out perfectly that way in these types of novels and also, I feel like he’s probably going to die. Plus, I don’t see why else Kieran had to be royalty and not just some random faerie dude, if not to make use of this aspect of his character. Also, the whole thing about kings not being allowed to have a consort? I mean, it kind of seems too on the nose to be foreshadowing, but there it is. And this would be a very convenient way to sort of get him out of the picture.

Why do I think Marktina will be endgame? I don’t know, but at the end of Lord of Shadows, it also seemed like it was the end of Kierark. The way that Kieran basically tells Mark that their debts are paid and he’ll be off, kinda dramatically implying that they’ll never see each other again, felt very ominous. Also the whole love declaration while kneeling (which was described as a sign of forgiveness in Faerie) seemed... kind of final? Like, Mark forgave him, told him (one last time?) that he loved him, case closed. Obviously, this does have a lot of holes in it — I definitely do not think that this was their last interaction, but like I said, it did have an air of finality to it.

Plus, Mark kind of seemed to gravitate a lot more towards Cristina near the end. The way he asked her to stay and sleep with him (in a non-sexual way, mind you) and just overall the little things, the glances, the touches, all of that is a lot more pronounced and happens more often near the end LoS. (”“Mark and I are not meant to be near each other as the binding spell wears off.” Mark moved closer to her, though, as she went to the door. Their hands brushed. Had he thought she was beautiful the moment he met her? He remembered coming awake to the sound of her voice, seeing her sitting on the floor of his room with her knife open.” and this scene is right before he basically has his weird declaration moment with Kieran).

Lastly, in my opinion the strongest piece of evidence for this, even though I can’t find the passage for the life of me because I can’t quite remember anymore when this actually happens in the book, timeline-wise (anyone help me out here?): There’s one scene I vaguely remember, where they’re all asked this random question about what they see, first thing that comes to mind, and Mark answers “A rose with a thorn.” LIKE. DAMN. Mark Blackthorn and Cristina Mendoza Rosales. Sure. It’s just the kind of weird, little foreshadowing that you would immediately forget & not put much weight on, that Cassandra Clare just loves which is why I think this is really important.

Side note: I’ve seen a lot of people talking about how Mark’s feelings/love for Cristina are/is somehow lesser than his for Kieran are, because they’re often described as more “human” but I don’t think that’s neccessarily a bad thing? Like, for Mark, a down-to-earth, “human” type of relationship would probably be a good balance for him with his “wilder” faerie side that’s often sort of warring with his Shadowhunter side? Like Mark said himself, it’s an “easy, restful sort of love” with Cristina which is something that a more restless soul like Mark would definitely benefit from. Like yin and yang. Like coming home. That shit, you know. Also, the “passion” and “fire” Kierark seem to have is also a good metaphor for, you know, .... burning out. 

2.) Poly Kierarktina. I honestly didn’t think this was possible before, but I do think there’s a possibility of this actually happening now, at the end of LoS. There’s obviously something going on between Kieran and Cristina, although I’m still not quite sure what it is, especially because we don’t know whether he’s actually gay or bisexual. Most faeries are bisexual, so there’s a compelling case to be made for him being bi as well I was informed that Cassie has confirmed him to be bisexual and thus, being at least able to develop romantic/sexual (?) feelings for Cristina, too. I’m still a bit iffy about this one though because Mark and Kieran have an unhealthy and deeply flawed thing going on that has still yet to be addressed — especially if they continue to be in a romantic relationship, regardless of whether that relationship also encompasses a third person or not. At the moment, I don’t see enough development to make this actually work in a healthy way, but that doesn’t mean that Cassie can’t still throw in that development in QoAaD. Also, right now, I find it hard to believe that either Kieran or Cristina would actually be truly 100% okay and onboard with a triad (or even vee) poly relationship, because neither of them seem to want to really “share” Mark (for lack of a better term; I know that’s not what ply relationships are about). Another thing poking holes in this ship is the fact that with this option, I really don’t know what Kieran’s .... purpose would have been? Like, at this point I’m not sure why Kieran had to be introduced (especially as an Unseelie prince) if Clare is not going to follow through with that at all and have that be important somehow, and I don’t see it being important any other way than him becoming Unseelie King, tbh. Maybe someone else could come up with another purpose he could serve besides?

3.) Kierark endgame and single Cristina. I think there’s like, a .0001% chance of Cristina getting back together with Diego yet again, so if Mark decides to (monogamously) end up with Kieran at the end, Cristina would probably end up single (I don’t think she’ll be getting another love interest in QoAaD, lmao). Why? Cristina won’t let herself be fooled by Diego a third time and also, she just doesn’t have any (romantic) feelings for him anymore, that’s canon.  Anyway, there are a few hints pointing at a possible Kierark endgame. For one, Cassandra Clare just loooooves m/m ships. She will throw out m/m ships until the end of time while throwing f/f shippers/fans the bare minimum bones. All of her other bisexual characters have, so far, also ended up with the same gender. Also, the fact that this whole “the Unseelie King can’t have a consort” thing is so on the nose, like I previously mentioned — it could also be foreshadowing that Kieran, when Unseelie King, will not give a shit about that stupid rule and just have a consort anyway. 

In the end, however, I think this is a pretty unlikely outcome, because I doubt that Cassandra Clare would put that much effort into building up & developing Mark & Cristina’s relationship so much in LoS only to throw it all away in the end. Mark & Kieran’s relationship stagnated a lot in LoS and didn’t really move forward in any huge ways, at least I didn’t think so — yes, Mark was honest with him about the whole “Would we have chosen each other if the situation was different?” dilemma, but they didn’t really make any ... progress with it? Like, they left things at giving Mark some space and time to think about it and figure it out, and I’ve already talked about their last (real) interaction in LoS.

ANYWAY, that’s that. Idk, I just had the urge to write that all down and post it, maybe some of you want to discuss and have things to add, maybe some things I overlooked and/or didn’t consider in this post? I’m very open to discussion on this and would love some new/other perspectives, so feel free to comment! 

#the dark artifices #tda #lord of shadows #lady midnight #queen of air and darkness #kierarktina #marktina #kierark #mark blackthorn #cristina mendoza rosales #cristina rosales #kieran hunter #kieran kingson #cassandra clare #text post

[jj-ktae]

Hotel California (2/2)

Title : Hotel California

Pairing : Mark x Reader

Genre : Fluff, Romance

Summary : Mark is a night-shifts receptionist in his own hotel and it sucks, until one of his client turns up to be a pretty, annoying girl.

There will be an Epilogue :D Thank you for the messages and notes everyone ! 

PART I 

PART II 

“So you’re here to sell a software? How is it going?” Mark was munching on his slice of pizza, legs crossed on one of the small chair in the office.

The girl wiped her mouth, trying to swallow the huge piece she was gulping down with hunger “Yes. If I succeed, it will be my biggest collaboration. It didn’t go as planned though.” She put the slice down, tapping on her chest to help the food go down.

Mark opened a water bottle and handed it to her, nodding “How come?”

“I had a horrible hangover, and I might have, you know, crashed one of their computer. A super expensive one.” She made a face and he chuckled.

“That’s why drinking is a no-no in business.” He stated, wriggling his pizza slice toward her.

“I wasn’t planning to. I just got carried away.” Her pout was A plus level, Mark thought. She was actually a nice person. Given the fact that their first encounters were a tad complicated, Mark was surprised to find an out-going girl, with a sense of humour.

“I can’t believe you’re watching this.” She spoke once more, nodding toward the television and Mark turned his head toward the small device.

“Frasier is my best friend.” He shrugged, not the least ashamed by his poor hobbies.

“Is it that boring working here? How did you end up working night shifts in a hotel?” She tilted her head and Mark took a minute to answer. Option one: tell her he owns the hotel and maybe freak her out with embarrassment. Option two: Lie and take the backdoor, like a thief.

Mark liked the idea of being a thief.

“It’s an easy job. It pays well” If you consider the fact that I have no social life at all.

She looked like she bought it, and Mark found himself a bit ashamed of himself. If anything, he hated deceiving people, and this girl was way too pretty for him to become a douche when he clearly wasn’t one.

“Are you from Cali? Considering you booked an hotel room, I assume you live quite far.” He added.

She shook her head. “I live in San Diego, but it’s easier and cheaper to pay for a room in Los Angeles since it’s a week-long business.”

So she wasn’t living that far…

Mark saw somebody on the little screen and got up “wait a minute,” he said, getting up to grab a key and almost threw it at whoever dared disturbing his precious time. He came back shortly after and saw her struggle with a piece of cheese, almost staining her white blouse.

He took a napkin and gave it to her “You sure eat well for somebody who wasn’t hungry.” He joked. She looked up to him and made a face, a piece of cheese hanging from her pursed lips.

“I can never say no to pizza.” She mumbled, trying to remove the annoying string of melted cheese and he laughed at her.

Mark leaned a bit and reached for it, pulling on the string and making her blink. He ate it rapidly and smiled. “Preach” was all he said, before looking at her puzzled face. For a short moment, it felt like she was destabilised and he didn’t move. She was slowly blinking, eyes wandering all over his face and pizza still in her hand.

Mark was torn. Kissing her was tempting, mostly because she was adorable, and also because she was looking at him with the same spark, the one you give to people you fancy. It was a good sign because it was mutual, but at the same time, it was danger.

He knew himself too much to pretend he would forget about it all by tomorrow if he tried something now.

“Still here?” her slice of pizza waved in front of him and he snapped out of his thoughts.

“I am, yeah.”

She got up and he backed up, surprised. “It’s getting late…I should probably go.” Her voice sounded disappointed but firm and Mark nodded, coughing.

It took a second for her to disappear and he found himself alone with Frasier again, cursing himself for being such a weakling.  After all, maybe it wasn’t a good idea. Maybe his crush was just one of a bored man in need of affection. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be.

Wait, since when did I became so dramatic? His inner self said and he tilted his head at his own remark. He was too young to sulk in front of a creepy sitcom, and too old to chicken out in front of an attractive girl, as annoying as she might have been.

“Well, fuck this.” He took a small red sign from his office and rushed out, letting it fall on the reception’s counter.

Will be back in 5 minutes

And for the first time ever since he started managing the place, he hoped he wouldn’t be back in only 5 minutes.

She had just closed the door behind her and threw her bag on her bed, cracking her neck. This guy was already back on her mind, like the plague. She sighed and opened a water bottle, drinking slowly to calm her raging heart. She needed to focus on her job, and forget about the hot human being downstairs.

It was crazy, she couldn’t be this attracted to this receptionist. He might be hot, but it was insane, just like the whole situation. She had been nothing more than a pain in the ass with him, and yet he had invited her to a meal. Maybe he wanted to be polite, but then again, you don’t eat a piece of cheese from somebody’s mouth if you want to be polite.

Or maybe he was overly friendly?

She sighed. In fact, she was looking for excuses because he was beyond her league. She couldn’t even remember the last time she kissed somebody. She was able to avoid any sort of intimate skin ship the other night because she knew it was a mistake, but now they were both sober.

A knock on her door made her turn around rapidly, praying all the living gods that it wouldn’t be him. Another knock made her rush to the door and she opened it, barely processing any information as hands grabbed her face and lips landed on hers.

It didn’t feel as panicking as she thought it’d be, because she recognized the smell of peperoni on his lips, and it made the kiss even more delicious. Mark’s body was moving on its own, like he was a puppet. He knew the unspoken rule of the three seconds during which it was an all or nothing so he didn’t press it, merely waiting for a slap or a push. He felt nothing though, and slightly kicked the door behind him, before pulling on her nape to tilt her head up and get proper access to her full mouth.

He breathed in heavily when she opened her mouth, granting access to her tongue and he complied, because Mark was a man of duty. He stroked the soft muscle a couple of times and heard a small noise, signalling she was enjoying it.

It felt good, if you ask Mark. It felt good kissing somebody, and he finally realized how badly he needed it. All these nights in this tacky hotel had turned him into a living zombie, and this was bringing life back into his soul, like a puff of oxygen. Until now he had never really cared about his clients, except from a couple of stares he received from the numerous thirsty women he had to deal with regularly.

She tried clinging to his neck for support, tiptoeing and felt him wrap his arms around her to stick her body closer to his.

“Jump” he breathed against her mouth and she complied. She wasn’t the daring type, but even her body was surprised when he lifted her like a feather. Her legs went around him and Mark grabbed her butt a bit too eagerly.

He was glad he knew the rooms like his own place, and he instinctively walked to the bed, placing her gently and bending over her, like a predator. She was then trapped between the mattress and his heated body, breath heavy and tongue trapped against his lips.

Mark was enjoying it. No, he was loving it. If by now she was still kissing him back, then it was a full bingo for him. Her hands went to his tee-shirt and he felt her hesitant fingers brush against his stomach. It made him automatically hiss and she away from him, afraid that she might be a bit too fast.

“Sorry.” She said as soon as he looked at her and it took a lot of willpower not to tear her annoying blouse out of the way when two scared orbs appeared before him.

“I’m not like…I mean, I don’t do this kind of thing-” She blurted, coming back to her sense, lips and cheeks red.

“I know.” He didn’t. He really didn’t but it didn’t feel like she was the type of person who’d do this regularly, which was even more exciting. It meant she really wanted him, Mark the receptionist.

He leaned to kiss her again but she stopped him, hand firm on his chest.

“Wait. What’s your name?” she asked, ashamed for not asking earlier.

“I’m Mark, nice to meet you” He chuckled, leaning on his elbows, “and I already know your name.” he mocked and it made her smile back. Mark should stop smiling like that when his face was so close.

The young woman was the one who grabbed his face this time and the proximity of their bodies sent shivers through her body, like an electric shock.

They wouldn’t be able to tell how long the kissing session went, but at some point, her hands were roaming his back, almost scratching when he started kissing her neck, licking the skin from time to time.

A beeping noise made him freeze and she stopped moving, waiting.

What now? Mark’s mind whined and it beeped again.

“is it your phone? You should answer.” She said, head falling on the mattress and he shook his own against her body.

“Maybe somebody’s waiting for you downstairs?” her voice was steady but also hesitant.

Mark rolled his eyes “Let them wait. I wait every night.” He bit her and she squeaked.

“Seriously, you’re going to get fired at this rate.”

“I’m not, I’m really not.” Damn him for not telling her he owned the damned building.

The beeping noise wouldn’t stop and at some point, she stopped him.

“Really Mark. You can’t ignore it. The noise is kind of annoying, too.” She breathed and he leaned for another soft kiss, before parting.

Whoever was calling now better have a good reason.

“Just…go. It’s okay.” It was obvious that he was disappointed, because he knew he wouldn’t come back now that the moment was broken. It would be way too awkward anyways, for both of them.

“Sleep well, then.” He whispered and she was surprised by his sudden change of tone. Mark escaped like a thief and suddenly, her bed felt way too big for her.

*-*

“So you’re telling me you need shower gel?” Mark repeated to an angry customer who was almost scolding him at 2 in the morning.

“Yes, how can you forget to put it in the rooms!” The guy was really furious over a shower gel, Mark thought and he went to the maintenance closet, taking a small blue bottle before handing it to him.

“Happy now?” he said, not the least pleased by how he had missed on a great moment for such a trivial matter.

“If you’d do your job well, I wouldn’t complain! Now it’s too late to wash, anyways. I just wanted you to know.” The man said, letting the bottle fall on the floor and Mark blinked, before taking a deep breath.

“Do you know what you just did?” Mark asked and the customer raised a brow, confused. “Now, you just made me lose the chance to –maybe- get a proper life. Do you think I’m happy like this? Do I look like I wanna stay here with you complaining for a damn shower gel? I was about to have a damn good time but no, customers are always right so I have to run for your ass in the middle of the night for a shower gel you obviously don’t need. You better use it and scrub your body until you shine, so I won’t regret moving for you. Get it, customer?” His voice was like a threatening whisper and the man choked.

“Are you really going to talk to me like this? You’re about to lose your damn job, kid!” He smiled and Mark shrugged, unaffected by the now common threat.

“Go ahead, complain all you want as long as I can be in peace!” Mark concluded before storming out of the hall, stomping in the stairs. Why do they all want him fired? Does he look like a high schooler or something?

When his old colleague arrived the next morning, Mark didn’t even try talking to him and rushed out, in need of peace.

Damn hotel.

The day after that was hell. The young girl had forgot an important file back in her room and wasn’t even able to present her project fully to her potential customers, which had resulted in a total mess. This was an important contract for her, and seeing how it went, it was 99 percent sure she had lost it to another bigger, better society.

It was saddening, but then again, it was not that surprising. No matter how hard she had worked, there was always a bigger society to win the contract over, leaving her with nothing but money loss and regrets.

She came back to the hotel after a long walk around town, her mind torn between what happened the night before with Mark and how she was going to be in serious need of money now. Since she wasn’t needed anymore, she might also try to get a refund and cancel her room for the remaining days here.

She stopped by the reception and found herself in front of a familiar old man in a suit. He had a warm smile and was talking to another customer who was fuming, yells echoing in the hall and making the old receptionist a bit embarrassed by the situation.

“Your employee talked to me like I was nothing! Does he know we pay to stay here? If you know what’s good for your business, fire him!” The young girl made a face and decided to wait patiently for her turn.

“I’m sorry about what happened, care to explain in detail so I can comprehend?” He looked like the manager here, but his face didn’t look that shocked upon hearing what the customer had been through the night before.

“I needed something and called him, and then he started insulting me like we were friends! He’s a young boy, thin, with an arrogant face and dressed like a student.” It got her attention and she bit her lip, hoping it had nothing to do with the call Mark received yesterday night.

“So I am telling you to fire this man! He is incompetent!” With that he threw the key on the counter and readjusted his tie, rushing out of the hotel.

The old man simply sighed and took the keys, before facing the young girl, a smile never leaving his peaceful face.

“Do you also have a complain?” He tried, remembering the morning when she had handed him the note, complaining about the exact same person.

She was quick to answer, biting her lip “No, no! I just…would like to cancel and get a refund for the three remaining days.” She tried.

“Oh, you were not satisfied with the services?” The man leaned on the counter and she shook her head, eyes big and worried for the poor Mark.

“No, the services were okay! I don’t need to stay anymore.” She explained and the man didn’t miss the sad look on her face so he didn’t ask more and decided to grant her wish, even though it was rare to refund such a late cancellation.

“Sure, when would you like to go?” Steady fingers started typing on the small laptop hidden behind the counter.

“Tomorrow morning?”

“That’s a very late- oh you’re here.” The old man’s attention went to somebody behind her and she turned around, facing an exhausted Mark, with a backpack.

He walked toward them both and entered the small office, letting his bag fall on the floor and went out, hands in his pockets. He looked like he didn’t want to be here.

“We just had a customer coming and complaining about you.” The old man mocked and the girl was surprised to see him smile when he should be angered by the situation.

“Was he smelling good? He better did.” Mark mumbled, and the girl did her best not to look at him, even when the only thing she could feel was his eyes boring into hers.

“What kind of question is that? He wants you fired.” The old man continued and Mark started panicking. She didn’t know he was the manager, and if the old receptionist were to talk, he’d be dead.

“Done. You can go tomorrow morning, young lady.” She smiled at him and Mark walked closer to the laptop, looking at the screen.

“This young miss cancelled her room so I gave her a refund, is it okay for you?” The old man asked and Mark nodded, before looking at the girl’s surprised face.

Why was he asking Mark if it was okay for him?

“Sure, you don’t need to ask.” Mark laughed awkwardly and she tilted her head. Maybe Mark was crazy.

“Yeah, anyways. I’m off for today. Try not to anger another client or else you’ll have to fire yourself at some point. Also, you should really find a suit, so people don’t confuse the boss for a part-timer.” He tapped a shocked Mark on the shoulder and laughed, before heading to the office.

Mark pursed his lips and tried looking at the girl who was still standing, mind full of information she never thought she’d have to discover.

Did it mean Mark owned the place? He was the damn manager?

“G’night, boss.” The old man took his jacket and walked toward the exit, a small suitcase hanging from his hand and Mark wanted to smash his head against his own counter.

Silence covered the air and the girl blinked rapidly at Mark, silently asking for answers.

“Yes. I am the manager. Don’t look at me like that.” Mark put a hand over his forehead and rubbed his tired face, sighing. Great, just great.

She didn’t answer and he found himself fidgeting, fingers tapping on the counter.

“You’re going tomorrow?” Mark tried changing the subject and she finally snapped out of her maddening trans.

“You’re the fucking boss?” She shrieked and Mark nodded.

“Well…welcome to my hotel.” He lifted an arm jokingly as if to show his most precious creation and her hostile eyes made him regret his notorious arrogance instantly.

She wanted to kick his cute little ass.

“You own this hotel, Mark?” She was speechless. It didn’t make any sense.

“I do. But there is a good explanation as to why I didn’t-” He started but she lifted a hand toward him.

“It makes sense now. Oh my god, I’m so dumb.” She said, closing her eyes. Of course, it was making things easy for him.

“Why?” He tried, brows lifted and she laughed bitterly.

“Must be easy to get stupid girls in a hotel. Do you do this often?” Her voice was back to calm, and it was even more scary.

“What? No! Wait this is not-”

“Of course. There are plenty of rooms here. That’s what hotels are for, in a way.” She concluded and he shook his head. How did it turn this way?

“It has nothing to do with me trying to get girls. Do I seriously look like I do this regularly?” He pointed at himself. If anything, he wasn’t a player.

“Stop bullshitting me. Look, I had a horrible day and I don’t feel like arguing with another boss today.” She parted from the counter and he took a step toward her.

“Wait. I can’t let you go thinking I took advantage of the situation, this is ridiculous.” He joked.

She stopped walking to turn around, facing him. “Hell yeah, I am ridiculous.”

This was really not going as planned, Mark thought. Of course she could misunderstand, but to the point of telling him he was using his position to get into her pants. Maybe she was going a bit overboard.

He walked toward her and grabbed her arm, trying to prevent her from escaping the building.

“Listen. This is really far from being what it looks like. I didn’t tell you because we started on not so solid grounds. I didn’t want us to be uncomfortable and I didn’t think it would be this important. I’ve never did this, not even once. I don’t enjoy being here, I took over my father’s hotel because it was easier than study for another job I wouldn’t like anyways. Please don’t think I’m doing this for the sake of taking advantage of girls.” He pleaded. It was a thing to be treated like a liar but it was frustrating to be misunderstood this much. She sighed heavily, and her body relaxed, like she believed him.

“It doesn’t matter. I’m going away tomorrow anyways.”

“You’re going back to San Diego, not to fucking Iceland.” Mark answered. Why are girls so dramatic?

She scoffed “And so what? Want me to book a room regularly to make out? I don’t sit my ass in a dingy office all night, binge watching some ridiculously old sitcoms. I have a life.”

Mark was quick to laugh at her witty comment. “And I’ve got all my days off, and a driver licence, and a car.” He mocked and she fought the urge to roll her eyes.

“This man was right; you really are arrogant.” She stated and Mark acquiesced.

“I know, but I’m the boss here.” He emphasised the word before pulling on her arm, bringing her strained body back behind the counter and into the office.

—

As I said, there will be an Epilogue. I hope you liked it and thank you for reading~! 

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[movingstoriesla]

17. Tamar C.

Meet Tamar, who works in Westwood and lives in Culver City with her husband and two cats. She spent her childhood between the Los Angeles suburbs and rural Kentucky.

In Los Angeles, I walked everywhere. I walked myself to school and it was about a mile from our apartment. I walked my little brother and my little sister. My little sister was in kindergarten and my brother was in first grade. It was just the three of us and I walked the three of us to elementary school every day. I did the same thing in Chino. LA was really about a lot of walking for me in elementary school.

In Kentucky, it was a lot of driving. Getting to and from school, it was by bus because we were out in the country. I'd be waiting at the end of our gravel driveway for the bus. Rain or shine, it didn't matter what the weather was. You had to be out there or the bus would just leave you and then you'd be in really big trouble because you missed school because my parents were already going to work. If I missed the bus, I'd miss school and then I'd really be in trouble [laughs] And because it was rural, there weren't any sidewalks in the countryside. Everywhere we went was a long drive. My dad really loved that, though. He loved long drives through the countryside, on back country roads. He really hated the freeways in LA, so it was something he really enjoyed.

But I can't say that I did. It made me carsick sitting in the back. In California, my mother and my stepfather were both really heavy smokers and they loved to go on these long Sunday drives. Like, we would drive from Burbank all the way to Santa Barbara, just to get donuts [laughs] It was our Sunday thing, our Sunday drive. It was really an old way of thinking about driving. So we'd drive all day and the windows would be up and they'd both be smoking very heavily and I didn't enjoy that.

And long and winding country roads are little carsick-inducing. I didn't really enjoy getting around by car. The times I enjoyed it the most were the summers in Kentucky, when my oldest brother had a pick-up truck – I'm really really dating myself here -- back then in the 1980s. All the kids got in the back of the pick-up truck and we would drive down to the lake. I loved being unbelted and no roof and air in my hair, slapping me in the face until it was a rat's nest [laughs]

I think it's so interesting that you walked so much as a kid in Burbank and Chino, which people consider very suburban.

Yea, they are suburban. And in the 80s, they were especially suburban but I also had a different childhood. I don't know if the world is really all that different, I think parenting was a lot different. My parents were like, “You're responsible, be responsible.” I was like, “Okay.” [laughs] So I acted accordingly. I have such an enormous family that I actually really liked walking to and from school because it gave me a little alone time and privacy. Even when I was walking with my brother and sister, they were behind me and I could just kind of zone out and my imagination would just go wild on the walk. It was nice.

How did you decide to walk? Or rather, was it the easiest choice?

It was the only choice. I suppose my mom could've driven me but parents didn't do that in the 80s. If you could walk, then get your ass out there and walk. I don't know anybody whose parent did that unless they were an unwalkable distance from the school. Both of my schools had buses for those kids but I was within the radius that could manage the walk. My mom was just like, “Here's how you get to school. Now do it. And by the way, your brother and sister better make it too. Don't leave them behind.” [laughs] It was a little bit crazy when I think about it now because there I was, 11 years old, and I had a six-year-old and a five-year-old in tow. That would never happen today.

After high school, Tamar enlisted in the U.S. Navy. She went to Palmdale, CA; Orlando, FL; and Great Lakes, IL to train as a diesel mechanic before getting assigned to San Diego, where she would live for nine years.

Do you remember how you got around San Diego?

Yea, I had a car. My first husband and I were a one-car family out of necessity. You don't get paid much in the military. We were just a smidge over the poverty line. He was in the Navy also and just barely over the poverty line. Having two cars was not an option for us but it made sense anyway because once he finally got stationed in San Diego, they put him on a ship and took me off of mine. His ship went out to sea frequently, so it didn't make sense to have two cars because he was gone a lot.

It was totally fine. And when my current husband and I got together, we had two cars for less than a year before I sold my car and we went down to a one-car family here in LA. As an adult, I don't really have an experience being in a house with more than one car for very long.

In 2002, Tamar moved to LA with her husband. They lived near Westwood Village, and she went to graduate school in Long Beach while working in Westwood.

How did you get around LA at this time?

When my husband was looking for his condo, he told his real estate agent he had two rules: to be close to Trader Joe's and to be able to take the bus to UCLA, preferably only one bus. That was a really smart choice on his part. I worked at UCLA after I finished undergrad, I got a job working on south campus in administration and started graduate school down in Long Beach. Since we were had just the one car, it worked out really well that we could both get to and from UCLA without a car and I could take the car down to Long Beach for school.

How did you guys decide on one car?

Parking in LA [laughs] Both of our cars were paid for, so there was no financial impetus. Well, I guess it is financial because you get enough parking tickets on street sweeping day and suddenly, you start to rethink whether or not you need that car. We had these discussions about, like, if I'm not using it so much so that I leave it and forget to move it and it gets a parking ticket for street sweeping, then maybe I don't need it at all because I haven't really been using it. It just seemed like a no-brainer to downgrade to a single car because we only had one parking space at the condo. It just made sense.

What was it like driving to and from Long Beach?

Well, not great. Luckily, I met one of my very best friends in the program and she happened to live in Brentwood and so, we carpooled together. I was really lucky because I think within a week of commuting, I was like, “This sucks!” After one of my seminars, I just said, “Hey, anyone else drive down here from LA?” My friend was like, “I live in Brentwood. Where do you live?” and that was it. We took turns driving down and shared a parking permit.

What sucked about driving down to Long Beach?

The traffic, definitely. I think it's much worse now than it was then. I was in grad school in 2003 to 2007, but it was still traffic-y. I think the only thing that made it fun was that I was carpooling: the fact that I wasn't by myself, we talked about our research, our course work, fashion, food, and all kinds of other things. So instead of being alone, exhausted, frustrated on the 405, I got to develop this wonderful friendship with my colleague.  By the time grad school was over we were best friends and still have a deep connection.

I think especially in LA, Angelenos think in terms of “Oh my god, we should get married because you drove me to the airport or you picked me up from LAX.” Braving traffic in LA for someone is a big deal!

Tamar and her husband later moved to Culver City, and she worked as an independent tutor after finishing her master's degree.

What were the other houses that you were looking at? Were they in the same area?

Outside of what kind of house we wanted, we stuck to the westside because we wanted to stay close to campus. Going north was not an option in our budget on the westside, so we had to go south. But we didn’t want to go further than the 90 FWY -- and you just can't get much closer to that than we are right now -- mainly because of our commute time. For this move, my husband had the same criteria as he had before, he had to be able to take the bus to work at UCLA. That criteria was all his doing, because at the time I was an independent tutor, which meant I was driving all over the Westside from the Palisades to Malibu back to Brentwood. That was my daily grind, which left my husband with having to rely on the bus.

When we saw our house I just knew it was the one. I just fell love with it. And he was eventually won over by the fact that it was a less than 10-minute walk to a Rapid [i.e. an express bus] that he could take directly to campus. So that was really nice, not to have to take more than one bus, but also be able to catch a Rapid. He didn't like that it wasn't near a Trader Joe's, but Trader Joe's was on the Rapid route, so was something we could also work with.

How long did you do the tutoring?

I did it for seven years and it was a lot of driving. Because typically, I'd only spend about an hour with a student and then I'd have half an hour driving between students’ homes by the time you get to the car and you get to where you're going. I got to know that part of the westside really, really well: shortcuts, when to take Chautauqua and when not to, things like that. Driving was actually a sense of calm. It was calming experience for me during that time. It was such a high-stress job that being in my car, I would often listen to- I should tell you that I'm a historian and so it's not that random really -  but I would listen to medieval choral music. I couldn't sing along with it, but it was just so soothing and calming to me.

What's your commute now? What's the rapid bus that you guys take?

We take the Culver City #6 bus from the corner of Sawtelle and Sepulveda, and it takes about 45 minutes roughly give or take, to get to UCLA. It's almost exactly what it took when we used to have a car. Door to door, it's almost exactly the same because if we drove, we'd have to park in UCLA’s far-flung parking structures, then walk to our office. But the bus lets you off much closer, right in the middle of campus. When we get off the bus, it's a quick walk to our office. It was a pretty easy trade-off.

And then when did you guys decide to go from one car to car-free?

I had a mini-midlife crisis. My dad died when I was 40. After my dad died, I was just experiencing a lot of anxiety and it was manifesting mostly when I drove. I don't really know why. I have never, ever been afraid to drive. I am a really good driver, a pretty safe driver but not a granny either. But for whatever reason, it was manifesting when I drove and not always when I drove, just in really specific situations. So that prompted me just to think about: what if I didn't drive? What if I just took a break? I wasn't even thinking of giving it up, but this anxiety planted the seed, and then my husband and I started just doing less driving.

Was a deliberate thing to try not driving as much?

Just a little. I don't even think I said it like that to him. He was like, “Want to go to the store?” and I was just like, “Yea, care to take a walk?” When we started dating, one of the things that we did as dates was we took long walks in San Diego and that would be our date. For us, going for long walks is been an intrinsic part of our relationship, so I didn't seem weird to say, “Want to walk there?”

Then, I mentioned “no car” to him and he was like, “No. I would love to but you can't live in LA and not have a car” and I was like, “I know! It sounds crazy, but what if we just did?”

I said, “Okay, before we leave for Norway [for vacation], what if on the weekends, we just do our grocery shopping on foot? Sprouts is a 15, 20-minute walk from our house. What if we just see what that's like?” and he was like, “Okay.” And it happened that two weeks later, I found a little granny pushcart at a thrift shop for 15 bucks. We started walking to the grocery and we were like, “This is pretty easy. Why were we driving to the store? This is great!” And then I was like, “What if we just do no-car on the weekends until we leave for Norway?” so we started running other errands on foot.

And then while we were in Norway- public transit in Scandinavia is remarkable. Well, most of Western Europe is. While we were there, we were just like, “We're so much nicer to each other when we're on vacation. Is it because we're on vacation or is it because we don't have to be in the car? It is because neither of us has to drive?” Because we see public transit as a team effort, not like “you missed a parking spot!” or “why didn't you turn in there?!” Instead, we have this team approach to public transit.

We came back from Norway and I found myself really angry that I had to get back in the car. I was angry that if I had to take the car somewhere, whereas I found myself having this Pavlovian response to taking the bus in LA. I tried to meet a girlfriend for lunch, she works over by Bundy and Olympic, which is a tough place to get to from my house. I have to take multiple buses, it takes about two hours. It was super hot, I missed my bus. I should have been miserable because it was inconvenient. But I wasn’t and that gave me pause. I was like, “Why am I not angry I just missed the bus? It's a million degrees, I hate this heat. Why am I not lamenting not having a car right now?” Because we still had the car, but I was choosing not to use it. Experiences like that should have made me give up on being car-free. Instead, they caused me to think about my own motives behind my transportation choices.

I realized that over the years, our travel in Europe had developed this response in me: public transit feels like vacation. I don't have to be anywhere in a hurry. I know my route and I've planned for things to go wrong and in the meantime, I can space out and look at this little five-year-old next to me singing “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” on the bus or whatever [laughs]. I could enjoy myself. After realizing that, it became really easy. We came back from Norway and did 30 days with no car, we just parked it in the garage and said, “Let's see if we can go 30 days.” Within two weeks, my husband came home one day and he goes, “Let's just sell it” and I was like [breathes a sigh of relief]. After that, we just couldn't get rid of it fast enough. It felt liberating, really really liberating, and it still does. I still feel liberated from a lot of things not having it.

How long of you been car-free?

2 and a half years.

So it coincides with going zero-waste. [Editor's note: Tamar and I met through a local zero-waste group.]

It does! They were connected to each other because my midlife crisis. I had a lot of “search for meaning” in my life during that time, that's normal. But, how you find your meaning and how that meaning manifests is going to happen in different ways for different people. Around this time, one of my nieces posted something on Facebook about sea life being strangled by plastic and she's wrote something like, “What are we doing?” When I read that, I was like, “What am I doing?” I felt responsible to my niece, to the next generation. That garnered my interest in learning about zero-waste. Being car-free just really cemented it because suddenly you’re looking at trash everywhere. You can't ignore it because you're not in this little steel-and-glass bubble with your iPod on anymore. I'm walking a couple of miles a day and I just see it everywhere. I found car-free first and then very quickly zero-waste. They just worked really well together.

So once the car was gone and it was really no longer an option, what was that like? You already have a bus commute, you're already walking to the grocery store, was there anything else?

No, I guess there were just a couple of other things. We both have bicycles and we ride them a lot recreationally. We don't use them for transportation. I suppose you could call it transportation: we do go to the farmers market and do our grocery shopping there on Saturdays, and that's by bike. Sometimes we'll ride them to downtown Culver City but I would never try to ride my beach cruiser to UCLA. I don't even have handbrakes, we have coaster brakes.

We like to ride our bikes a lot. One of the selling points of our house was that we're near the Ballona Creek bike path. That was a big deal for us, to ride our bikes to the beach really regularly, so we do that. This has been a benefit because if we had a car, we'd be less likely to ride our bikes to the beach. We'd be like, “Well, let's drive the beach” but then as an Angeleno, the beach is right there and how many of us actually go? Nobody really does. In a way, being car-free has put more impetus on us to use our bikes for what they're there for, which is to enjoy the world around us and therefore we get to enjoy the beach a lot more.

I think the hardest thing not having an option of the car is going to see my mother-in-law in Seal Beach. It's difficult but at UCLA, we're very very fortunate. We each get an account with Zipcar and we each get four hours with a Zipcar per month, so we go down there every two weeks and one week we'll take my husband's Zipcar and in the next week, we'll take my Zipcar and we'll trade off. It's nice because it allows me to do other things I can't do. We love to stop at Habitat for Humanity ReStore in Torrance, which I can’t get to by bicycle. Those are the times having access to a Zipcar is really helpful.

Besides getting handbrakes, what would get you to to bike more?

We do use the Creek a lot, but my husband used to bike when we lived in the condo and he would cycle sometimes to campus. He was hit three times in less than three years. Drivers are not looking for cyclists. I don't know if we would cycle more. I'd be open to it but I think he's a little shaken. I don't blame him.

We tend to keep a pretty tight radius anyway. One thing that my existential crisis did for me – and looking for mindful living and zero waste helps with that – is I don't really want to go very far, to be honest. Not having a car has slowed my life down significantly and I love it. If I'm going to hang out with friends, I make plans with one person for the day, not three different people in three different locations, because I can't ping-pong about the city and I really like that. I like that we can walk from our house to downtown Culver. It takes about 45 minutes, it's 3 miles, and I know neighbors along that whole 3-mile stretch. I know people from my house to downtown because of walking. When they're out in their yard and I might comment, “Your poppies have come in, they're so beautiful!” and then we have a chat. Now my community, while the radius is smaller, it's also more dense, more tight-knit. I know people, and people know me. LA feels less like a metropolis and more like a small town.

We were walking by a house the other day where the owner is renovating his rental property, as we're walking by and he goes, “Hey! Good to see you guys! Where you off to now? Are you getting brunch at Sage?” I love that sense of community and I think even if we go by bike, that wouldn't happen because we'd still be moving too fast to really have an exchange like that. Also, we get free stuff all the time.

On your walk? What would you get?

Well, yesterday, we walked to downtown Culver to go grocery shopping at the farmers market and then to the co-op and on the way, two neighbors on that walk had giant buckets of sweet lemons out and they were on my grocery list, actually! I needed six lemons, so I just put them right in my bag. Another neighbor that we've gotten to know, has a key lime tree and they always have a bucket hanging off the fence with key limes to share. My husband loves key limes with his gin and tonics so of course we always grab a few when we can. Just little things like that. We get free stuff all the time and I can't wait until our fruit trees are in enough abundance that we can share because right now, they’re still young and we're still able to eat everything they yield. Someday, though, I’ll have a bucket or a basket filled with fresh produce in my front yard too. I’m looking forward to giving back to my community in the same way that I’ve received.

What do you like most about transportation in LA?

I love that it's growing. I love that the public transit system is moving very quickly toward positive changes. I think having the Olympics coming here is going to be a real impetus for change to happen even faster as we get closer because already, you can see in the last two years how fast things have been moving. It's pretty impressive. I was reading the other day that they have plans to change the Expo line to give it priority at the lights. [Editor's note: you can read more about that here.] This is one of the problems that makes it quite slow and people are like, “Why would I take it? It's so slow!” But they're going to change and that is going to alleviate traffic because then the incentive will be to take the train, not to take the car. And why would you want to take your car if the trains are faster?

So I love that LA is innovative enough to see that this is the future and to be making moves toward it. I lived right near Santa Monica and the 405 when they widened it the last time and I was like, “Why are we doing this? This is so backwards, to widen this damn freeway!” so it's nice to see movement elsewhere, where things are changing in a positive way.

For example we don't go to Santa Monica all that much but when we were there recently, we were at a Big Blue Bus stop that had electronic marquees showing when the next bus was coming. Those kinds of marquees are at EVERY single bus bus stop in Oslo, in Norway. Imagine if every bus stop had that. People would be so much less disgruntled, just knowing that the bus will be here in three minutes or whatever. I love that we're moving toward that, the apps that exist for transit that are helpful but they're not quite there yet. I am often baffled that my Uber app can tell me exactly where my car is coming from and how long it will take to get to me, but I don't know where the fuck my bus is? This doesn’t seem like rocket science. [laughs] I do love that LA is open to change, though, that this city does see that there's a future in public transit. I read an article recently too, that was laid out all the ways that LA is poised to have the best public transit in the world in the next 50 years. If we're not underwater in 50 years, that'll be awesome!

What do you dislike the most about transportation in LA?

It's not fun missing a bus, it's not fun to see it pull away when you’re just out of reach. That's no fun. It's hard sometimes to change your mindset from, “Damn it! I just missed the bus!” to “I'm early for the next one.” [laughs] That sometimes is challenging, it can be frustrating.

The thing I dislike the most, though, is the perception people have about transportation in LA. While our city is demonstrating that we’re making positive movement toward growing our public transit system, I don’t know many who individually like or even use public transit here. I hear so many people speak so badly about public transit while also really defending individual car ownership. I wish that perception about transportation in Los Angeles could change because we are such a car culture and it seems clear just how much damage that culture has done. I wish there was a better way to show others that you don't have to be chained to your SUV; it's not actually providing you with the freedom that you think it is. The best way I can think of to do that is just by modeling what I think real independence looks like: by not owning a car myself and living in a way that makes me feel truly free and unencumbered by cultural dogma.

I often don't share bad experiences that I have with public transit for that reason. It's like zero-waste in that way, if you talk about how many times you fucked up your toothpaste DIY [laughs], no one would ever try to kick packaged toothpaste. So I tend not to talk about those things all that much, but they do exist. I once sat down on a bus seat that was wet, like, it had a puddle. It turned out to be just a bottle of water, but it was still pretty gross. We've all had those experiences where things don’t go perfectly.

The homeless population on buses really bothers a lot of people. Some of my friends worry about the mental capacity of those riders; they feel like they’re putting themselves in harm’s way when they ride on buses and encounter homeless riders. But I often think about how there are about 50 people here on this bus to help me if something goes awry. If I’m driving on the 405, what’s to prevent someone with mental illness from driving right into me? And who could help me? Driving is like “every man for himself,” whereas I see the bus as community with more possibility for good than bad just like any other community. Essentially, the homeless aren’t the problem. The issue is that people see public transit as only for those who are down and out, those who are broke. Like, if you're middle-class, you shouldn't be taking it. There's a disdain for it and in a sense, that disdain kind of creates the actuality that they're afraid exists. I wish that weren't true, but I think if I hate anything about it, it's when those moments are true and I wish that they weren't.

What is the one thing you'd want to improve in transportation in LA?

The bus system is quite good and I don't think it's as bad as people think it is. If I could improve anything, I think every bus stop should have those stinkin’ marquees. Or an app that legitimately will address every bus and train line on one app because the Culver City bus, for example, isn't really on the transit map so the app isn’t accurate at all. I just can't wrap my head around why that's so difficult. I know, again with the Uber and Lyft analogy, it doesn't seem that hard to do this. Can we throw a transponder in those things? [laughs] That's negligence on Culver City's part.

This is definitely something that the City Council is contending with. It's a real fight in our community. They want to talk about bike lanes in Culver City too, about how to make more secure bike lanes that work for the community. It's something that's on the city's mind and I think, like Santa Monica, they have a lot of locals who are very active in local politics, so anyone can go to the city council meetings and to be a part of that. I definitely plan to be a part of it too because one of the reasons we gravitate toward Ballona Creek is because it's really safe. There are no cars allowed, it makes it really safe.

From your perspective, what has been the conversation like in Culver City about bike lanes?

There's a rift. My understanding is that they watch what happened down Venice Boulevard and are like, “To hell with that, I don't want that! Think of the traffic!” This is where they gravitate. Los Angeles communities gravitate to “How is this going to affect my commute?” and traffic in Culver City is really abysmal. Once we were walking to downtown Culver for dinner during rush-hour, and we got there faster than the cars. We were walking down Culver Boulevard and it was just gridlock all the way and we were walking faster. It was like something right out of the opening scene of Office Space [laughs] It's on everybody's mind but people generally go to “How's is this going to affect traffic.” I find that interesting because why don’t they instead go, “What if I rode a bike?” or “Hey, wanna take a walk?”

I went to a sustainability conference here on campus just a couple days ago and the head of the sustainability department was talking about how they got the permit to build a new power plant here on campus. When they did the permit for the City of LA, which would never allow something like this, the City of LA said, “Well, if you can take 10,000 cars off the road, you can build your plant” and UCLA was like, “Well, we'll do you one better” and we took something like 50,000 cars off the roads by creating a carshare program here on campus, as part of how Zipcar came here to UCLA.

I think that mindset is something that Los Angeles is thinking about. Like, how do we reduce traffic? And that's also happening in all these little municipalities too. In my view, I think those in Culver City who are against it because of their own commute… well, frankly, I think their way of thinking is kind of in the past and that's not the direction that we're heading thankfully. I'm glad for that. This is one of the perks of living in a more liberal community, I think.