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#I like The Parts Where I'm Not In Pain
ryllen · 29 days
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Look what came through the mail today! The letters & ( •̀ω•́ )σ 3 little gremlins from letterstoear.
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Just wanna say i adore the flower stickers on the letters too much, they are that much worth mentioning.
#letterstoear#nui#twst#twisted wonderland#sebek zigvolt#malleus draconia#twst grim#mod posting#okay but i love squishing the bears with my thumb; they just have the right thickness to be pressed on#i really like the flower stickers; they look like romantically artistic wax seal#the letters are pleasantly nice#i love the part where cheka personally request for an audience with yuu thru sebek 🥺🥺🥹🥹 too cute hnggh .......#sebek becoming our little mailman for our little invitation aw 🥹 for those who wanna know the context of the letter;#i requested a letter from sebek that he sent home while he was away accompanying malleus on other country duty#my other favorite part is just him simply opening the letter with 'My love'#i'm sealed 🥹 the first paragraph is written so sweetly#i enjoy reading the letter slowly outside in peaceful afternoon today; i ran it through together with sebek nui#this will be my treasured keepsake from now on 🥹; it seriously made me miss letters and wish i have someone to send this kind of letter to#it was a bit funny how the envelope sebek's letter came from is sticked with the guys from free! sticker fhsdsh 🤣😂#and me with the white haired guy like WHo are u?? fsjdsdjsd (´つヮ⊂); but it's a really nice service#the thank you letter came with such a cute and yummy folding paper; thank you for the stickers too#i feel like there's a bit whoopsie on grim's winky eye fshfh like i think the sharpie just blurs the separating space '<' supposed to have#and just combine it all together into one angry eye; and sebek bear's eyes are just a little bigger than i expected it to be#but the more i look at them i think they are just having a little individuality & still cute#i embraced it all together while knowing the fact none of handmade thing would always be the same one with the other; hehe sebek nui has fr#i kinda forget that there's this kind of clip earring fshd; because i always get the ones that work like screw from aliexpress#i know that the literal clip one would just be literal meaning of pain fsh; just like the magnet one my father once got me when i was a kid#it was painful but pretty; tho i lost it quickly bcs magnet easily get loosed once one part of it moves around when u touch ur hair or face#anyhow i had a pleasant day because of this; thank you very much ! sebek nui said 'thank you' too! ‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚. ❀ ✿ 𖤣…
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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 1 year
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I love Jiang Cheng and I hope you agree. The most tragic thing about yunmeng siblings is that JC and WWX really love each other the whole time… I like to think they can fix it someday
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Someday perhaps....in the meantime, I bet he's loving having dogs run around lotus pier. As a WWX deterrent of course. No therapeutic reasons at all.
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buttercupshands · 18 days
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Chapter 419 Analysis or "How to make allies not pawns" a helpful guide from League of Villains (part 2)
This is now a second part of Tomura character analysis.
With chapter 419 being probably our last time seeing Tomura for a while, since we need to learn what happened with Aizawa now is time to remember that not only bad things exist it Tomura's life.
Warning of spoilers to the whole manga to the point of chapter 419! All of the warnings from My Villain Academy side of manga are applicable
So like... mentions of death, killing other people, manipulation, emotional abuse and many more!
This is Part 2 - See here for Part 1 of this depressing mess
With AFO being so sure that he knows better and actually controlled every single part of Tenko's life creating a Symbol of Fear without any redeeming qualities or even hope for saving after he destroys him. There's one thing that AFO still doesn't understand about Tomura and never did - and that's his allies, or the League of Villains that he created.
Even Kurogiri, being a Nomu who's views do not stray from what AFO thought was important didn't exactly understand what did Tomura think about his allies quick to assume that he thought of them as pawns all the was back in the Training Camp arc. With Tomura making game examples to explain the situation, he still didn't think of LoV as just pawns on a desk, like AFO does.
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At the time of USJ arc there weren't many people Tomura called this, which could make you wonder how much it was just AFO's plan rather than Tomura's with him never worrying about those other villains yet getting so worked up over losing Nomu not only because he was strong enough to defend him from All-Might, but treating his defeat as something that must be avenged.
And that was long before Stain even entered the picture, the first of three people who greatly affected Tomura's view of his own motives alongside AFO's manipulation of literally everything else.
Tomura was terrified of fighting All-Might seconds before this and yet as this goes on it's becoming more noticeable - Tomura doesn't care for his own fear or worries as long as he's fighting for someone else's good. Not so different from how Izuku is ready to disregard himself for the sake of others, resulting in many injuries and being so close to dying so many times.
It never was a secret that Tomura is highly dependent on others to keep himself from losing confidence, or even will to fight, getting either too anxious to continue without anyone's reassurance.
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And while AFO's "help" was mostly given only with some kind of lesson as we saw in "Tomura Shigaraki: Origin", with AFO literally sitting there, saying how Tenko is weak for not killing but showing some restrain instead suffering himself, never actually helping or comforting him. Only offering what he deemed nessesary for his own plan of making Tenko kill those thugs not caring that he's feeling sick from those hands.
But in USJ it's not AFO who's there with Tomura, it's Kurogiri, who was shown to still have some care that Shirakumo had that even Aizawa and Mic couldn't argue that it's similar to how Shirakumo couldn't just leave a kitten in the rain. No matter the responsibility that it would bring with taking a little one in.
A helpless little kitten that didn't get the help it needs from anyone else. Sounds way too familiar.
This never was a direct order from AFO other than he needs to "tend and protect" for Tomura, which can mean anything from just looking out when Tomura's sick, or protect him from any tread like someone trying to kill him.
Not helping him getting over his anxiety to fight or helping him and guiding him to do better as a leader of the League calming him if it got out of control. Which is somewhat opposite to the way AFO deals with Decay and Tomura's temper - letting him destroy anything even the hands that he gave him, just offering new ones when he succeedes and never really caring for his pawns, he can always get new ones.
And surely not asking if Tomura's well the first thing while talking to Heroes.
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Which then leads us back to how Tomura never viewed anyone that he chose as pawns calling them his allies, with the word '仲間' which can even be translated as friends in needed context, but usually used as comrade or ally when Tomura says it. And the same thing is usually translated as "friend" when used by Twice.
In any case Tomura never once doubted his allies since he saw them as reliable, even if his first meeting with Toga and Dabi went so wrong that Kurogiri had to stop them from killing each other.
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Up to the point of Training Camp AFO describes as him teaching Tomura to be independent which was at that point too far from the truth than he thought. If Tomura begging for AFO to leave with them is any indicator he actually was even less independent after All-Might almost caught them, making him doubt his own worth as a leader. Even if AFO's defeat finally let him think and wonder about himself and his past.
AFO believed that Tomura just knowing how to recruit people would suddenly make him great at using those new "pawns" which was proven wrong by Overhaul no so long after that. Showing how Tomura believed the same thing AFO did as well, fully trusting his judgement of anything including himself, all the while parroting what AFO says without fully understanding what it means.
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Only after losing both Magne and Mr. Compress arm does Tomura slowly start making progress in becoming someone more than AFO tells him to do. Even if as we see in part 1 it used Decay as the ground to make it stable since he believed it was his quirk. And yet.
Even if Tomura didn't simply instruct his allies how to choose who to recruit, he never blamed them for it. On the opposite, when Twice was hard on himself after bringing Overhaul to them Tomura just looked at them for the first time without a hand on his face, or even on himself at all, showing how he trusts them as much as he would trust himself and believes that they can do it.
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Taking off hands of his family would mean not relying on the conflicting feelings that they bring into the picture, something AFO would very much dissaprove, since he was now like an equal to everyone in LoV instead of being above them. He
And with this instead of making them blindly trust his decisions and following him from fear or adoration like people had been following AFO or Overhaul, he instead was an equal to them both in failure and victory that wasn't even all that guaranteed yet.
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Each one of them had their own somewhat selfish goal that just seemed like they were just using each other without any worry being each other's pawns. Or maybe that's just how AFO would see them.
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Yet it doesn't explain why did Toga care for Twice's trauma response of not having his mask on, since he already did his part and all that they both needed to do was done. But LoV was never about following orders or giving them, expecting for the pawns to follow without question. It was about a leader of the group that would stand up for his allies while allowing them full freedom, except when they needed to also accept that something is needed to be done for their own sake.
Like following Overhaul for a while all for cutting off his hands leaving him with nothing. Did that sound like something reasonable to do? No! They literally lost their chance at having sushi instead of just living at some abadoned building all the while occasionally searching for money or food, stealing and killing just to survive all while Tomura was just... waiting.
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Nothing was really stable at the start of what we call My Villain Academia and yet no one from the LoV left while their state was... bad at the very least. No matter how AFO was teaching Tomura he was still left mostly waiting for something to happen rather than doing something to change the situation himself.
Sure, Tomura now was a famous leader of League of Villains that suddenly needed to be stopped rather that underestimated like before. But that was in the future, now LoV was laying low on funds and slowly Tomura showing his face became the norm, with him usually never wearing hands around LoV.
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And with Tomura becoming more and more comfortable around LoV, the LoV itself was becoming more like a place that had one core value that accepted anything else added without anyone wondering about the past of others, like Compress said. Just some selfish people, who still followed their own needs first.
And yet somehow Toga, who joined just because she loved Stain and disliked how life was too hard found her place in the LoV alongside Twice who just needed to be trusted and trust in return. If Tomura only followed what AFO deemed to be the best way to lead no one would actually feel like they're accepted in the LoV as much as they were.
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Goal or no goal Tomura succeeded even without having the whole world at the palm of his hands by just never pressing anyone to actually follow him - if they wanted to they could've just left here and there, but since they chose to follow he did what he thought was the obvious best - let his allies do what they wanted.
Which was okay for someone like Toga or Dabi who were either already comfortable by just being allowed to be themselves or being free to plan their own things for their own goals.
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But not exactly that for Spinner. Who was instead literally searching for someone to show him what to do, not so different from Tomura, who still only followed whatever 'his Sensei' deemed worthy for him to look into, like letting Kurogiri go find unknown "power" that AFO left along with contact with Doctor.
And while Spinner was not fine with still being hollow even while following Tomura pretending that it's the same thing as following Stain... all it took for him to look differently at how exactly was Tomura thinking was the last real "barrier" that there was - Tomura basically spilling his whole backstory and motivations mostly for LoV to listen to, since Doctor was just testing Tomura's will all according to AFO's plan.
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And after that it didn't took too long for Spinner to now follow Tomura, even if it was still not the time to really see the 'warped horizon that was waiting for them'. And yet in times where Tomura still showed some doubt over his decisions - that one old trait of his showing up like it was always at the back of his head not so different from USJ, only thing changing that Tomura got better and better at not letting his emotions control him so easily.
Since the price of that would literally be lifes of his allies.
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And neither that or using their emotions to his own benefit was ever in his plans, contrast to AFO manipulating Tomura to do just that. Letting his emotions consume him completely just for his own goal and for his own sake. But as a person who was so familiar with this Tomura still was adamant at NOT allowing something like this to happen to his friends allies.
Effectively creating a bond between all six of them, including Toya that in the end kept them together until the very final arc, with Spinner keeping what Tomura would've thought and with him waking up and calling Machia to get LoV first and foremost Spinner did understand their's leader wishes, as well as Twice's who literally died for his friends.
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With all that happening in the War arc the moment AFO returned with both being in control of Tomura's body and just abadoned anything that Tomura would care for like leaving Mr. Compress and Machia behind just to punish him for not getting OFA or not even caring to show any actual respect for Tomura's wishes. Instead showing how little he actually cared for anything but his own good.
But while AFO made so many pawns that he could change like gloves at any given moment, threating them and manipulating them with his power and quirks, Tomura only had 6 allies who stayed after AFO was caught and who were willing to die just to live the life they wanted.
And AFO couldn't give them that.
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Even if Decay isn't Tenko's quirk and even if he has so much guilt for killing without it being a little bit justified by it...
LoV still followed him as a person who allowed them to live as they please and so what they want, not some all-powerfull overlord but an ally and a leader who had his flaws and fallings.
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sysig · 5 months
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Now that they can, would they want to spend a lot of time together? (Patreon)
#Doodles#Adventure Time#Fionna and Cake#Simon Petrikov#Marceline#Hhhh I feel so bad for both of them 💔#Obviously Simon misses her since she's like the one tether he still has to ''his'' time - they were both born before all the Everything#And I'm sure Marceline misses Simon too but like - even this Simon isn't ''her'' Simon. They met when he was already affected by the Crown#They clearly love each other when they see each other when Simon is as much himself as he can be!#But I can't help but wonder if it would be painful to spend time with this sad lonely magicless man - and how guilty that would make Simon#He wants to still be a part of her life! But how much of himself does he even have to offer now?#And the guilt would go round and round - she sees it in him and he sees that in her and they just both feel bad!#I really can't blame him for being a little emotionally closed and her being distant - they're not who they were#With all that said I still really love their dynamic <3 They're /not/ who they used to be but they've still got such an interesting relation#I think in the moments that they do have together where they're both trying to be good for each other Marcy would really push her humour ♪#She's got 1000 years of silliness to get out of her system to her bestie! I'm sure she's got the material hehe#Even if he still sees her as a little girl - I mean that just adds to the joke if she says something a bit blue lol#I don't think he'd actually keep the sharp teeth - it's more of a visual metaphor of how Marceline sees him in these kinds of moments#It's hard to leave it behind!
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skyward-floored · 9 days
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I finally completed the Anju and Kafei quest 😭
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anon-unofficial · 7 months
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hey so. um. i was told that lmk didn't have any pain. and. haha. haha. haHa...what the f
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foolishnpd · 6 months
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I perceive that I'm getting ignored (I'm not really) and I want to scream and kill everyone about it
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lesbiansanemi · 10 days
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I am so fucking sick of living with my roommate and his fuck ass boyfriend. Also watching my roommate burn every single one of his (already rather minimal, I might add) bridges for this guy is also kind of painful but also his relationship with me is one of said bridges so I'm almost past the point of even feeling bad for him lmao
#i have had to piss for probably the better part of an hour now#because they decided to take a shower together and have been in there for well OVER an hour now#and this is a nightly occurence atp sometimes MULTIPLE times a day#we have one bathroom.... can yall not be considerate enough to not be in there for up to TWO HOURS AT A TIME???#also it's such a waste of fucking water....#idk we've hit a point where i literally hear the bf doing anything and i get pissed off#but also tell me why i'm sitting in my room (which shares a wall with the bathroom) and i can hear this man hacking and spitting shit up#and this is also something that happens multiple times a day#like.... dude.... why are you spitting up toothpaste so fucking loudly oh my fucking god#but yeah no i'm like my roommate's only friend atp and he's about to not have me lmao like we're about to reach#'i'm cutting you off when i move out' levels of me being pissed off with this whole situation type shit#and apparently the bf convinced him to come out to his family which his mom was chill which is good#his dad's side of the family though....? not great. and my roommate KNEW that would be the case cuz we'd talked about it before#also love that my roommate has constantly talked about moving out of the city we live in because he hates and also there's no good career#opportunities for him here (which is true)#and now. MAGICALLY. he's like 'idk i think it'd be best for me to stay here'#like oh my GOD???? are you hearing yourself???? are you fucking stupid???? you fucking hate it here???#but sure throw your life away and ruin all your meaningful relationships for a guy you met six months ago jfc#and the thing is i *know* my roommate we've been close CLOSE friends for nearly a decade now#i know he is not like this.... like yeah he's being insane by allowing this but also i know these aren't the kinds of decisions he would ma#and also i know he wouldn't treat me like this all on his own#it's the deranged fucking control freak of a guy he decided to date and my roommate has too many of his own issues to put his foot down#about certain things and tell the guy no so he's just allowing him to completely take over his life#and fuck everything up until the bf is the only thing he has left once it's all said and done#and yeah. it's painful to watch. but also wtf am i supposed to do because obviously my opinion is not respected nor wanted regarding this#that has been made PAINFULLY clear#ugh this is so fucking horrendous#what is it with ppl who start to date someone and then go clinically fucking insane and destroy their lives all for this one person#who. realistically. they barely know in comparison to all the other ppl in their life#like explain it to me jfc
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suddencolds · 2 months
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#not snz and not a vent... just passive musing#had a dream two nights ago where someone who i used to know (and love a little) wished me goodbye with a#kiss to the hand before i flew away from them forever on a magic chair#which is very stud//io g//hi//bli-esque and frankly very unserious but#the feeling of grief i felt saying goodbye to a friendship which i had once held so close to me - and which i know can probably never#be as close as it was at that point in my life - stuck with me for a long time even after i woke up#it's been something i've been thinking about for awhile... but the dream felt like such a concrete and painful severance#i think that like a childish part of me wants to hold the people i'm close to at#the same distance and trust that they will stay there forever#but logically i know it's natural that the people i met under certain circumstances might drift apart once those circumstances change#for one or both of us... i guess friendship really is just a lucky convergence at one point in time where everything aligns#like i know this and i have known this for awhile but god does it hurt#especially those kinds of goodbyes that feel so gradual... not like a clear severing of ties but just a gradual disappearance#i think i probably have to not feel so hung up over what i used to have. and for the most part i am not; life goes on#but for those people?#i sometimes just miss them#there's a special kind of hurt knowing that i could reach out to them and say hello and that they would probably respond but that it might#never be quite the same again
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bylertruther · 1 year
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i don't like season three when viewing it as a continuation of seasons one and two, but i do very much like season three when viewing it as the prequel to seasons four and five... hmmmmm.
#rewatching it bc i wanted to make another foreshadowing compilation post for myself regarding what will's actions will#likely be in season five re: vecna and lmao. so many things are just... it's like. it makes me laugh how In Your Face it is now#that we know all that we know. so many direct parallels both with dialogue and actions. mike/will/lucas/el foreshadowing their s4 roles.#the flaying of the holloways and the creels. the dormancy / activation shit. the building shit. the natural progression of their arcs.#the different ways that their characters approach problem solving and how we see tht reinforced by s4. it's so fascinating#genuinely i think idk it was just such a big culture shock i guess u could say from 1 and 2 that it was hard to digest on its own for me#but now that 4 is in the same vein it's like Oh. Okay. Yeah no. I get it now. That's cool. I'm forever bitter but I get it and respect it.#3 4 and 5 are a package deal considering they also said 4 was like part 1 of 5.#it also makes sense bc the point of 3 was that everyone was changing and building themselves in a new way and that#includes vecna so. just so fascinating how they link everything and how their vision is so consistent with certain plots and characters#like. the lucas max mike n will + el involvement is right there. the idea that they have to kill vecna and not just his puppets is right#there. that 2nd point starts in season two but three is where it really turns into an ''the end justifies the means'' situation#(especially for will which i think is something a lot of people overlook but—)#s3 is painful when considering their personal character arcs but fucking delicious when considering the overarching supernatural vecna plot#bc thts also when he starts his ''there is no stopping this'' shtick and actually enters the story#and he's fucking slimy lol. which i Love#anyway. omg first i defended mike in the rain fight and now i'm saying i kind of like season three who the FUCK am i!!!!!#crazy what feeling the need to defend a white boy's honor will do to you 😳
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coulsonlives · 8 months
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I just had to share this video because holy shit, it hits the nail right on the head! So well spoken. This stuff needs to be circulated more, esp with the growing number of people thinking they have this because of misinformation, or just outright faking it.
#it's painful because i knew someone who personally faked this stuff (or has convinced herself she has it i can't even tell)#she had spent all her time on tiktok and i know for 100% sure that's where she got the idea. it's TRAGIC how fast things went downhill#i'm legit horrified at how many people (esp young kids of 13-14) think they have this too. or are just pretending#i've been neck deep in hardcore research (and i'm talking pubmed sciencedirect etc only) for months#and those kids definitely don't have did.. if they have trauma and are dissociating it's going to be something else like dpdr etc#the number of stupid 'you have did' answers i see for totally basic questions like 'i got dizzy what's wrong w me' is insane too#it's like googling 'muscle twitch' and then thinking you have some rare 1/billion familial cancer thing despite other obvious explanations#but worse.. in these cases the information is being fed to them. they don't have an opportunity to explore other possibilities#and the worst part is they don't even know to CHECK THE VALIDITY OF WHAT THESE PEOPLE ARE SAYING. they don't have info literacy#like i'll say this once: did is so rare that it's STILL contentious about whether it even exists#and it only happens in the most unimaginably traumatic experiences. think of the worst possible things you could do to a child#where even just thinking about it makes you uncomfortable. THAT'S the kind of trauma that leads to did. the truly evil stuff.#i'm not even gonna start on the BITE model shenanigans that are happening in the 'did' communities either#or how the people who used to be in them (and got out) always equate them to self-harming cults that celebrated not finding real answers#they got told they were 'perfect the way they were' despite having OBVIOUS psychological issues they needed help for#(it just wasn't did)#they were assured their 'did was valid no matter what'. toxic positivity ig? it just delayed their real diagnosis and ability to get help#but now you have gluts of people like in the video 'talking to themselves' and people on tumblr posting one-liners of 'alters' talking#one after the other within seconds. and i want to fcking cry because it's the same exact shit my friend did before she cut ties#the did/tourettes/ftlb stuff has literally been called a 'mass sociogenic illness' in multiple academic studies#but like qanon believers they seem to immediately discredit anyone who mentions this with 'you're just ableist' so anything you say is poo#aka you're part of the problem you're an 'ableist' so your legit info even though legit isn't valid/acceptable/real/whatever. i'm tired fam#did#dissociative identity disorder#osdd#ddnos#munchausen syndrome#mass psychogenic illness#ableism
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chirpsythismorning · 6 months
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📝 💐 🛼 💔⏪️💭🧊🌄❤️‍🩹
I Know There's Something's Going On by Frida
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previous ⏮️ now playing ⏭️ next back to playlist
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El's Not Stupid
#byler#stranger things#bizarre love triangle playlist#el hopper#el's pov#for all the 'el know's something's going on' truthers out there#this one's for you#i'm sort of 50/50 on it#mostly because i think it's less that she knows what's going on literally and more that she senses that something is going on#i made a post about this a while back where i go over all the times el has overheard things (link in special features)#most moments involve mike and when you look at it all together it's hard not to think el is starting to connect the dots#'i can see that it won't be long. you grow cold when you keep holding on'#that second part is so fucking painful but also true#mike is trying to act like he's in love with el only to keep coming up short. and then when the act ends he's suddenly treating her coldly#aka he grows cold when he keeps holding on#mike resents himself for feeling obligated to be with el because she told him she loves him and it's the least he can do#and we all know obligation can be a prison...#'you know you've changed and your words they're lies. that's something you can't deny'#'if you want to leave then why don't you say it? your love is gone anyway.'#'i know there's something going on'#the shot choice for the gif is less about el literally in this moment sensing that something is going on#and more just the imagery itself hitting us over the head with this concept#again it also reminds me of all the times she's overheard things bc the imagery itself seems like she's spying/thinking about these two boy#but in s4 specifically she's overheard several things in regards to will and mike#so it's really not gonna take much at this point for her to figure out just what is going on...#all it will honestly take is her seeing will's painting and finding out it was for mike all along#if and when that happens?#it. is. over.#4x09#gif
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widowshill · 3 months
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65 / 62 / 71
#lela swift understands something fundamental about my psychological condition. which is to say. age gap fucked up couples on the stairs.#love is contained in the convo across the banister where i tell you to leave my house <3 muah.#burke/liz tag#➤ roger collins & victoria winters. ┊ pain sometimes precedes pleasure,miss winters.#compilation tag#okay. a)#the parallels between vicki and burke as the dark-headed poor kid that finds themself subject to collinses & Collins-ness & everything that#it represents. vicki who follows in his footsteps as imprisoned – endangered – almost *ran over* for the sake of the family.#who; perhaps despite their better judgment; *do* enjoy the charm; the noblesse oblige; the aura of...#call it doom. around the collins siblings.#(and as we know. ''devlin has a tremendous range.'' in terms of torch-carrying)#but the romance isn't precisely my point even if i'm more than willing to believe in b/e and r/v#but an older collins – one who is perhaps not directly involved in their ruination but a participant in it.#b)#while i was looking at the scene of burke on the stairs i was struck by a feeling of ''hey you shouldn't be up there''#and immediately was like. no let's unpack that.#the stairs are one of the most-traveled parts of the scenography other than perhaps the drawing room window or the sofa BUT it's excluded#to the in-group – the family; their intimates. you don't (or shouldn't) be ascending the stairs as a stranger; an enemy.#because it traverses the boundary between the public and the private – where the drawing room is already host to secrets;#to scandal; to a type of metaphorical undressing;#the upstairs is a different realm entirely. upstairs is bedrooms; bathrooms; the tower room. sleep – intimacy – privacy – death.#burke is already trespassing in enemy territory by being in the foyer – to go on or up the stairs peels back another layer of skin.#(and worth noting that liz successfully stops him from doing so)#there's so many good r/v scenes that involve the stairs precisely because it represents that boundary between the intimate and public;#between the idea of the house as a home and house as monument.#... which is a key contention between both b&e and r&v. burke who wants collinwood as conqueror wants the castle; a monument to victory.#elizabeth who sees collinwood as her home – as the place of her childhood – as the bricks and blood of her ancestors.#vicki who is desperate to find her home there past and present. roger who sees it as monument to collins misery –#to ancestors that look down on him with undisguised hatred – to his own inadequacy – to imprisonment – to the tomb.
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astranauticus · 9 months
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i'm not even done with the new rwd episode but. spoilers ahead
anyway funny thing. i wasn't like, super on board with the professionals when i was first binging through the first 3 seasons and especially once we got to season 3 i tunnel visioned on VR-LA and MR-SN super hard (as is probably extremely obvious from my art) but like. 4.5?? the exchange they had??? the fucking breakup scene???? yeah. yeah i get it now. i have no idea why or what changed but i have now Gotten It at the worst possible timing. what the hell
#rolling with difficulty#usually i don't tag my rambles but just this once i'm gonna do it i want to share my sadness onto other people#im like too sad to finish rhe rest of the episode but too mad to go to sleep so i'm just sitting here stewing#genuinely i have no idea what made it click for me but like#honestly every part of that conversation hit me like a truck#maxim saying it's rare for adventurers to voluntarily leave that life for 'something greater' - ouch????#like it's so fuckin targeted dear god but also yeah. yeah he would think that huh#vr-la saying he's here as a friend extending a curtesy and maxim immediately being like 'your flattery is unnecessary' like fuck man#'if you wish to avail of my friendship *or something more* i'm afraid that's no longer possible' there's so many layers of what the fuck#'you of all people asking for change' i honestly laughed cuz that's just a good line but also godfuckin dammit#and like just... all of what VR-LA said before he left. like the way neither of them are willing to make enough of a change to get out of th#this unstoppable force vs immovable object situation they're in#they're so like. perfectly in opposition. and it tickles my brain but also DAMN this conversation is painful#god. i hate this /pos#like YES I GET IT NOW BUT ALSO WHY *NOW*#angry and in pain#i guess to some extent it's also like#i've been in that situation where you and a good friend realise your lives are going in irreconcilably different directions#and you want to keep them in your life but it's just not possible with the way you want to live your life and they want to live theirs#and it HURTS and there's NOTHING you can do about it which makes it HURT SO MUCH MORE#fuck. what the hell#especially when the things they'd need to change would also be GOOD for them like maxim embracing change and accepting risks#and VR-LA learing some self-preservation#but at the same time it's like yeah of course they're gonna push each other away rather than change the way they view their lives#i mean both are painful but one of thems clearly easier than the other#i mean speaking from experience one is in fact clearly easier than the other
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asjjohnson · 2 months
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I've finished the bottle of pain killers I bought in November. haha, I guess I hadn't needed to worry about their short expiration date. (I already bought more, by the way)
I thought it would've helped a bit more for this morning's headache. (if I didn't think it would also increase the risk of side effects I would drink some coffee to increase the dose.)
If I'm not careful, one of these days during a headache I'll tell a doctor to go ahead and crack my head open.
...When not having a headache, I want to avoid that.
(but I'll probably be fine soonish. Just whining a bit. Despite the headaches having been getting more mild over these months, I seem to be getting more sensitive. I guess I'm just tired of it.)
(...pondering risking the internal bleeding and other bad side effects of a coffee boost. ...But then again the taste/smell of coffee might make me throw up. :/ )
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sysig · 7 months
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Like a dream (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Helix#Max Vyer#Dexter Favin#The latest reread really brought up some Feelings I wasn't expecting lol ♪ I thought I'd gotten them all out before but nope! New thoughts!#I love Max as a character quite a lot - he's a mess in so many ways and I really find him interesting!#He's probably one of the few characters that I actually have a ''Please for the love of god take him out of situations for once'' feeling#Everyone else I'm constantly like ''Make them sufferrrrr'' which I mean - I'm not about to say I don't also feel that way A Little to him#The proportions are different! That's all ♪#He's just fjdsalfd he was failed on so many levels! Repeatedly! Despite how much of his pain is self-inflicted I can't help feeling bad ♥#Max is not a good person! But I really think he could've been and the potential of exploring that gives me Feelings#Like what kind of environment would be good for him ♫ What kind of life would cultivate him#My brain immediately went to a scenic coastal village where he and Dex can eat fresh fish and work for dinner money and bicycle hehe#And sleep together in worn sheets <3 It's not fancy but it's theirs#But of course their story is a tragedy#The saddest part really is that Max was doomed from the beginning#Even if Dexter had taken him away - he really never would have though would he ♥ - but even if he had#Even if he had gotten clean and started to make a life for himself it never would've mattered because he's still not Max in there anymore#The thought of them escaping and everything being quietly blissful and Dex comes back to a Max sitting on their - /their/ bed#Just staring at his hands and smiling back at him#Hhhhhhhhh there's a lot of feelings <3 <3
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