#I’m too worried to do anything and all I can do is wait for monday/Tuesday for that specific thing to ease

[clockwayswrites]

What yes? I didn't write one.

WC: 808 Masterpost

Jason didn’t see Danny until Tuesday. Which was fine.

It was fine.

He knew how busy Danny’s Monday classes were. But knowing that Danny was busy and waiting out the other’s expected arrival were two very different things. Jason did his best to occupy his time with reviewing the proposition for the new Park Row Library.

His kitchen counter covered in baked goods showed how well the distraction went.

It’s just that if he thought to much about Danny and all of the… surrounding Danny-ness, he started over thinking everything about it. It was better to just not think, which was hard, so baking. Baking always calmed him down. But now Jason had nowhere to set down the tray of cookies that were in hand. Maybe he should invite his siblings over, all of this would be gone by nights end with that swarm of locust.

A knock at his door paused Jason’s attempts to Tetris his counter into order. Thanking his good balance, Jason pulled up his door camera on his phone.

It was only Danny.

Fuck, it was only Danny.

Plate of cookies still in hand, Jason opened the door. “Danny, hi.”

Danny opened his mouth, closed it, and then took a step back. He brought a hand up to cover his grin. “Jason.”

“Danny…,” Jason said back warily.

“I, um,” Danny did his best to muffle a snicker. “,ah, like your apron. Did Dick get you it?”

Jason had to glance down at the apron he had put on that morning. He didn’t really look at them, it’s just whatever was on top of the clean stack. Today though, meeting him was the upside down text of ‘Titty Protector’. It was bright white on the blue apron.

As Jason sighed Danny gave up on trying to hide his laughter and just cackled.

“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up and see how many cookies you get.”

“No! I’m sorry,” Danny whined, trying to get his laughter back under control. “It’s a great apron. Amazing. Would ogle again. Dick totally bought it for you, didn’t he?”

“Actually it was Stephanie, friend of the family.”

“She must be something,” Danny said. He snagged a cookie as Jason backed up to let him through the door, only to pause with it halfway to his mouth. “Um, prepping for a bake sale?”

“No,” Jason grumbled. He locked his door before joining Danny in staring at the counter covered in baked goods. It really was absurd looking at it with fresh eyes. Even his siblings might have issues with this pile.

“So… ah, why all the food?”

Jason just frowned and clicked his nail against the edge of the plate. He didn’t know how to explain this to Danny.

“Oh Jason,” Danny sighed. He took the plate from Jason’s left hand, snagged his right, and led them over to the couch. The cookies got set down on the coffee table. “Hood talked to you, didn’t it?”

Jason nodded.

“Jason, it’s okay. We can still just be friends, right? I promise I won’t try anything with Hood either, it’s both of you or neither of you—”

Jason jerked his gaze to Danny. “What?”

Danny smile was sad and a little wobbly. “Like I told Hood, I’m not a home wrecker and clearly this is stressing you out. You don’t have to worry about letting me down gently.”

“Danny.”

“I just… I’d still like to be friends?”

“Danny! I’m stress baking because I want to say yes. I mean, we both want to say yes.”

Danny’s mouth snapped closed. His brow furrowed. “Saying yes is stressing you out?”

“Well… you have kept me waiting. You never did ask me, actually, and—”

“Hey Jason?” Danny asked, cutting Jason off.

Jason didn’t know whether to smile or sigh. He settled for both. “Yes Danny?”

“I’d really like to date you and your boyfriend. I think you’re both pretty amazing and I’ve gotten permission from your boyfriend to ask you. So, what do you say, want to date me too?”

“It could be dangerous.”

“Luckily I’ve been getting self defense lessons.”

“I’m a public figure.”

“I’m pretty oblivious to news, or you can keep me a secret like Hood.”

“He’s a crime lord.”

“Let’s be real, he’s a philanthropist with guns.”

“I’ve… only dated Hood. I might be really bad at it.”

“Luckily I already like being around you. And you feed me. Come on Jason, date me?” Danny asked, finally taking a bite of the cookie he had been holding this whole time.

Jason rolled his eyes, but could feel the smile pulling at his lips. “How can I say no to that?”

“That a yes?”

“Yes.”

Danny whooped and leaned in to press a quick kiss to Jason’s lips.

“You taste like cookies,” Jason said. He was grinning now.

“Yeah, and who’s fault is that?”

---

AN: Thank you for the suggestions! I actually had a few lines of this one written so I went with it because I've been slayed. Had some bad new from work on the end of 3 meetings and then came home to a disturbing comment so I'm just a little done today.

BUT! We got something cute! And the boys have the scene where they start dating! Woohoo. Stay delightful and kind, darlings.

I no longer tag, you can instead subscribe to the masterpost.

#dp x dc #dead on main #the fic that i'm not writing #coin flip friday

[articdelilah]

Hellooo I love the teen mc concept so I'm wondering if you could do it also with Leon's faction? Thank youu

✮ A Little Trouble ✮

Platonic!Ikemen Princes x Teen!Reader

Hi Anon!! Thank you so much for requesting💞 Your wish is my command! Sorry for the wait!! (I know nothing about Leon so I’m sorry if he’s OOC)

Domestic Affairs Faction

˖⁺‧₊˚ ♡ ˚₊‧⁺˖

Leon tried to argue with Sariel about his choice. This girl has school and friends and life to live! It would be horrid to put such a hard task on such young shoulders. Sariel of course did not wield with Leon’s request of changing the Belle.

By her side from day 1. He showed how the factions work and what they do, their aim and motives.

After the very hard first day with Leon, they go into town to get ice cream! Or steak. Whichever one Belle is feeling after such a day.

Leon is consistently looking out for her, making sure Chevalier doesn’t say anything too honest or hurtful. If he tries, he’ll be shut down by Leon almost immediately with furrowed brows.

Very protective but not in an overbearing way. Definitely not as subtle as the other Princes. When Belle asks to let her dual with him, he thinks about it but decides against it. He promised her that once she reads all the books Sariel assigned, then he’ll dual her fair and square. Motivation!

Belle liked to observe the man work. She sat with him, asking him questions about the different subjects and affairs that are happening in Rhodolite. She asked about Obsidian but Leon tried to avoid the topic.

Obsidian wasn’t a big threat currently and perhaps it’d be better if Sariel told her? No that would be the worst case scenario.

Leon explains Obsidian’s land, why they want to invade and their current status of threat. Belle said she’d ask Chevalier about it as well, but Leon only made a sour face.

A sudden clang of two silvery swords frightened the birds which were resting in the nearby oak tree; the birds of brown feathers sore into the clear sky as a result. The air wasn’t thick with bloodlust or hatred however instead filled with adrenaline and determination. Belle had begged Leon for them to dual for as long as she could remember, doing everything in her power to get him to agree. Sparks flew in all directions as the two continued their dual, brows creased on the young Belle’s face making Leon smile. He was so proud of her, being able to read all those books in a couple of days sure is an accomplishment. In the midst of thought, Leon was abruptly pulled away from his thoughts as a cool sharp point nudged his neck. His eyes widened as he realised he let his guard down. Despite this he couldn’t help but laugh at the distaste on Belle face “Stop going easy on me! Come on! Fight me for real!”.

“I’m trying”

Jin laughed with Clavis when he met Belle. He simply loved her already!

For the first week of Belle’s stay, he always made sure she had flowers and a few lollipops in her bedroom. Everyone needs snacks right! The flowers were simply never the same colour however. On Monday the roses were red, Tuesday they were pink.

His great hand coming down to ruffle her hair and laugh when she told Jin about her worries. After all, how can you be worried with Jin by your side? If there was anything Jin could help with, you bet he did help.

Is studying alone hard? No worries. Jin is right there to help! Want a break? Jin’ll take her to town for some food!

Belle had been working hard and Jin knew that. He wanted to take some of weight off her shoulders by making her life at the palace a little easier by doing small gestures like bringing her the heavy leather bound books Sariel assigned Belle to read back to her room.

Once Jin came back to find the new Belle alone in the drawing room. He peaked his head in and noticed that she wasn’t reading any heavy leather bound book but rather staring intensely at a fashion magazine for teen nobility.

He knocked on the door to get her attention, asking the girl what she was looking at. Belle watched him next to her as she hesitantly showed him the dress she had been looking at. Her gaze averting to the rug on the floor. Jin agreeing it would look lovely on her.

Lollipops and summer nights on the balcony>>> Late night walks around the town + the palace are very common.

He introduces Belle to his favourite tavern and shows her the nightlife of Rhodolite (without the bad stuff ofc)!

Jin usually brings her to make fun of the drunks with him, dine and chat loudly about anything that really came to mind.

The 1st Prince of Rhodlite leaned on the pastel pink wall of the newest clothing store, waiting for the new Belle to finish getting changing. The whole place was filled with dresses and suits for young nobility, making it the biggest trend in the higher classes. The clothes were imported from Jade and Benodite. Jin had popped a lollipop in his mouth a few moments prior as he hummed a little song under his breath. Belle let out a little squeak in the changing room, making Jin smirk and hurry her out of the rather large stall. Her hand slowly peaked in the corner of the fabric of the curtain, pulling slowly on it to reveal herself in the same dress she was looking at in the magazine. Belle gave the 1st Prince the largest smile and spun and twirled; The dress was light green and white, adorn with lace and pearls. This particular dress was exported from Jade and it reached her knees with a large bow at the back. “Stunning Belle! But not quite finished yet” He wagged a finger and the [H/C] haired girl skipped over. Jin’s hand held a green bow that matched the dress with pearls, his fingers brushing her hair behind her ear before playing the bow in place.

“Thank you Jin! You’re the best!”

Yves was speechless at the news of Belle being a teenager. After all, being Belle is such a big responsibility! Can a teenager really handle it?

Yves takes on the new Belle under his wing, giving her a little [F/C] diary to write her notes in. She cannot forget anything of course.

Is afraid to let her out of his sight for longer than 2 hours.

He was so surprised how Belle treated him, especially that a lot of people were taught young about his bloodline. Belle however was still kind and caring despite everything she had heard in town. Yves asked her about this one day, the girl spoke that “Unless I’ve met the person, I would never claim they are evil just because of the blood that flows through their veins”

Yves has very strict with Belle, but he always made it up to her by baking her cookies or cake. Tea parties are also quite common, BUT ONLY TO TEACH BELLE TABLE MANNERS no other reason

Make overs with Yves are simply a must! Yves teaches Belle how to do her hair in complex hairstyles, the basics of colour meaning and styles of clothes worn on different occasions. Fashion is just as important as politics in the noble world after all!

Eventually Belle asked Yves if he would show her how to bake and Yves couldn’t hold the prideful smile that lit his face, he of course agreed! It was only because it was his duty as Prince however 👀

The palace was cold, silence and darkness submerging every corner it could greedily claim as its own. Despite the harsh snow outside, the kitchen was filled with warm light and cheery laughter of a Prince and a young girl. The fire crackled as the two sat on plush pillows, giggling as they engulfed in quiet chitchat. On the wooden floor lay plates of chewy cookies and sweet colourful macaroons. Belle held a plate with peach pie, struggling to hold it still as she fell into a fit of giggles once more. “That’s not even that funny!” Yves tried to pout but failed miserably as seeing Belle smiling so hard made his heart swell with pride. Sure Clavis’ prank with the cardboard cat was definitely not fun to experience, but maybe perhaps it was worth falling into Clavis’ potholes just to hear Belle’s laughter.

He was distant. Just like Chevie, he found the thing ridiculous and shook his head disapprovingly when told.

With the help of Yves and Sariel however, Belle got a chance to spend more and more time with Licht.

He tried to be rude, but Belle never took it to heart. Perhaps she knew from the start how kind he actually was. Either way, Belle being persistent was both a blessing yet curse.

Soon she became his companion. She was obviously worried about him which gave Licht motivation to be better. He never wanted her to worry about him.

Despite this Licht usually keeps his distance from her, making sure she is safe from afar.

Licht showed Belle how to ride a horse, knowing full well that Belle did something wrong to spend that extra minute with him.

Licht is always willing to sing to Belle after she had a rough day or a nightmare. He’ll stroke her hair and sing that same song his mother did, the Prince’s sweet voice lulling the girl into a sweet dream.

One day, Licht had invited Belle to visit him at the stables. She put on her best outfit before meeting him, but she was taken by surprise when Licht said this isn’t a riding lesson.

Not even the cold breeze of approaching autumn could make Licht’s heart less warm as he observed the girl near him. In her hands a basket filled with all types of flowers: coneflowers, dahlias and cosmos. Yellows, pinks and whites brought life to the brown weaved basket. Licht sat amongst the grass letting the cool air fill his lungs, his horse a couple of metres away grazing at the greenery. Belle plopped down next to him, smiling a smile that was brighter than the sun. “Close your eyes.” Licht smiled softly at the girl. She giggled when she closed her eyes, waiting patiently. Carefully picking the flowers with the longest stems, Licht’s fingers braiding the flowers over each other. He did this for a minute before placing the flower crown on the now impatient Belle who was starting to complain. Her eyes shot open and her hands began to delicately inspect the flowers which adorned her soft hair. Her eyes squinted with cheerfulness. Licht’s silent moment of his own happiness becoming brighter as the girl pounced on the once lonely wolf. The 6th Prince held her close, swearing that he will protect his sister. After all, they say that blood is thicker then water of the womb.

If you like my work, feel free to request!! Thank you for reading and Goodbye my Doves🕊️🌙

#cybird ikemen #ikepri #ikemen prince #ikemen mc #ikemen series #x reader #ikeprince #ikepri leon #leon dompteur #ikemen prince leon #ikepri jin #jin grandet #ikemen prince jin #ikemen yves #yves kloss #ikemen prince yves #ikepri licht #licht klein #ikemen prince licht #I’m so down bad for Jin #yves x reader #jin x reader #leon x reader

[i-like-turkey]

I announced on Twitter that I was taking a step back from social media and fandom to deal with a personal matter. That’s still true. I just need to barf some feelings into the universe. I’m putting them under a cut. This is NOT an easy read and I’m NOT holding back details. Don’t feel compelled or obligated to share my pain. TW: Pet death & grief.

I said goodbye to my little girl on Thursday. She’s been my world since I took her home at the end of July 2012. It was both sudden and not sudden. So I’m in shock, but I’m also not really surprised. There were signs that something bad was looming and I had this gut feeling as early as January that this wasn’t gonna be a good year for us.

This likely all started a long time ago. I took her to the vet in August of 2022 right before we moved east. The vet told me that her heart didn’t sound 100%, but it wasn’t something that needed immediate intervention. She had a little murmur that could indicate heart disease and if it got worse, then I’d need to get her to a specialist to take pictures and then we’d likely get her on some medicine to deal with whatever the problem was.

So I heeded the advice to take a wait and see approach. My baby was acting fine. She made it across the country well. She had energy and life. Not quite her puppy energy, but she was 10, so that was normal. I took her to the vet again this last August and I heard the same thing. She has a murmur. It’s not quite bad enough to get images. If it gets worse, we’ll refer you to a specialist. Ok. Great.

We keep living our life. She still has energy. Lunging at cars and barking at other dogs and trying to get endless pets from all of the strangers we’d encounter while walking in our neighborhood and riding our building’s elevators. I can’t tell y’all how many people would ask how old she was and be surprised when I told them 11.

So we get to January and she’s coughing a bit more than she usually does. Background: for the last few years of her life, she’d occasionally have coughing fits when she got super excited about something or barked too hard at a car. Worrying. But something I’d disclosed to all of the vets we’d seen and they didn’t seem perturbed by it. But now the coughing was every few days instead of a couple times a month or three days of coughing followed by months without a single damn cough.

It got really bad mid January. I took her into the vet. The same one who’d listened to her heart in August. He listened again. Nothing out of the ordinary. She didn’t have fluid in her lungs. Her energy was fine. He sent me home with antibiotics and a cough suppressant and told me to come back if she didn’t improve after a few days of treatment. She improved. Not right away. There were scary times where her breathing was all labored, but after a few days of the meds, she was doing better, and by the end she seemed fine.

And then we get to last Sunday and I hear a cough and that wasn’t good. And then Monday she’s coughing a bit more and I’m getting nervous. I talk to my parents and we agree to not do anything yet because illnesses can linger and her energy was fine. My mom came over that night and we were standing by the laundry closet doors and my pup pulled a toy out of her toy basket and was just running all over the living room with it. She was shaking her head and growling and having an absolute blast flinging that thing everywhere for the entire lengthy time my mom and I were chatting. She didn’t look sick. She looked like a puppy with lots of gray hair.

Then my mom leaves and we sit on the couch and she rolls over for belly rubs and immediately has to roll back over to cough. Then she cuddles up to me and we sit there and watch TV and I pet her and then I take her out and we go through our nighttime routine. She seemed fine.

Tuesday was a good day. She had energy. We played a bit with one of her favorite toys. We had some good cuddles. I only heard a few coughs.

Wednesday morning she seemed ok energy wise. She coughed when she rolled over for belly rubs right after I got home from my morning walk (solo cause it’s long & hilly. She also got one every morning). I didn’t notice anything abnormal during the day. Then we go out for our evening walk and she’s sluggish. That also wasn’t abnormal cause her energy had been fading for the last few years. Sometimes she’d race through our walks. Sometimes she liked to take a leisurely pace. I never worried cause if a car zoomed past she’d lunge and bark and if she saw a dog, she’d lose her mind. But we passed a couple dogs that night and nothing. That had me on edge. But then we get inside and I put on her favorite TV show, Person of Interest, and she was barking up a storm at Bear and seemed fine. I take that as a positive sign and relax a little.

I make dinner. We go to the couch for nightly cuddles. She rolls over for belly rubs. Starts coughing immediately. I pet her through it. Then she cuddles into my side and coughs a couple more times as we sit there. I put her to bed at her usual bedtime. I hear her coughing a few times as I’m struggling to fall asleep. Then I wake up Thursday and she’s in bad shape. I don’t wanna describe it cause it’s too fucking tough to type and traumatic. But I get us scheduled with the nearby vet asap* and I keep an eye on my girl and her scary symptoms. The symptoms subside a bit. Then my mom comes over to help keep me calm as we wait for our appointment time. My baby perks up when she hears my mom knock. She runs from the couch to the door. She’s wagging her tail and barking and jumping on my mom. She goes and chugs half her bowl of water. We sit there with her for over an hour petting her as we talk. She’s breathing ok. Her tail is between her legs, so that’s a sign something isn’t right. But she’s getting all the love from us and seemed happy.

Then we leave. She pees and poops on the way (I didn’t take her out first thing that morning cause part of the scary badness that I’m skipping is that she peed inside). The vet comes in and listens to her. I show a video I took of her that morning. The vet’s reaction said it all. She snapped into action. Took my baby out of the room for x-rays. As that was happening we were going over pricing options with a tech and then shit kinda really hit the fan cause the x-rays were bad. No specialty review necessary. She had fluid around her heart. So we start talking about transporting her to a specialist. They bring my girl back in. The tech just kinda drops the leash and steps away as soon as my girl is through the door. She starts racing directly to me and she collapses. My mom runs for help. They take her away again. The vet ends up doing the procedure she would have sent us elsewhere to do. Basically draining the fluid. It’s blood. They get her stable and hooked up on oxygen and give me the option of trying to get her to the animal hospital for further intervention. But the vet was clear that she’d probably die on the way and it was VERY clear at that point that she wasn’t gonna get better from this. It was a heart tumor. Something had ruptured and started bleeding. There was no fix. So I made the call to let her go. We got my dad and my brother on the line and told them to get their asses over to us. We stood there petting my baby as we waited. Then we said goodbye.

*In hindsight I maybe should have gotten her in the car and driven her to an emergency hospital. But the closest one ISN’T close. And that wouldn’t have changed the outcome. She hated the car enough that she would pant during two minute drives. 40 minutes (assuming relatively light rush hour traffic which is probably a bad assumption so more like 60 min) of that while she was already in breathing distress might have killed her. But assuming we made it, they could have intervened and maybe bought her a day or two. But this wasn’t something she was gonna get better from. That extra time would have been full of pain. So I made the right call. She got more loves from me and my mom at home and got to pass peacefully nearby while she was surrounded by everyone who loved her.

So I’m devastated and completely out of my mind at the moment. I don’t know what’s up or down. I’m keeping myself occupied between sobbing fits by going through all the pictures I’ve taken over the years. It’s a pain in the ass because my storage habits are terrible and my screenshotting habits are worse so I have hundreds of thousands of images scattered everywhere and now I have to dig through them to find my girl.

Here are some painful lessons I’ve learned from this:

Don’t store 77k images in a single folder on an external hard drive. You won’t be able to copy them all over to the iCloud at a single time unless you have a fuckton of available disk space on your Mac. And trying to scroll through the images will push your computer dangerously close to the limits (I really need a new machine 😬)

Don’t rely too heavily on Snapchat to takes pics. It’s fun in the moment, but 5-6 years later you’re gonna cringe & regret that all your cute dogs pics from that era are plastered over with weird graphics. A Happy Mother’s Day pic with my dog on the couch behind me, hearts all above us, and a damn Wookie filter plastered over my face? jfc 🤦🏼‍♀️

Do give yourself a refresher on how Snapchat works lest you go through and favorite a bunch of memories, see a pop up flash about them getting added to a story, and then have a full on panic attack in front of your parents about how you might have accidentally shared semi-naked pics of yourself with the few people that still follow you 😅 (Yes, I’ve been been known to take and share some risqué pics. Yes, I wanted to download them before deleting them. I might be grieving, but I can still see a pic of my 2018 back muscles and think “Damn!” 🫣🤣)

Don’t be so lax and sloppy about your picture storage habits that you’re forced to keyword search your text messages for pictures cause it’s a good way to find out just how many women you’ve texted dog pics to throughout the years 🥴 She was a great wing woman, but she also loved to clam jam me cause she thought she was the one who should be getting kisses when I’d sit on my couch with a woman 😂

Do find a balance between taking pictures of every damn thing and living in the moment. I stopped taking lots of pics since my east coast move cause I wanted to get away from my compulsive snapping. Now I regret not taking at least one daily shot of her sleeping on the couch.

Do have other people take pictures of you and your dog. So far I’ve only found two different occasions on which someone else took a picture of me and my baby together. All other pics of us are terrible selfies or feature just my hand/arm/legs. I have memories of all those moments that I spent with her, but it hurts to not have a father away perspective on them. Part of this is my fault for living thousands of miles from my family, being fairly closed off to human connections aside from shallow hookups and activity buddies, and viewing my home as a sacred domain accessible to people only if there wasn’t another option for where we could hang out.

Thank you anyone who has made it this far. Please go hug your pets and tell them that you love them. If you would like to leave me a note, that’s very welcome. I don’t have the energy to engage, so it’s unlikely I will respond until the day my energy returns. Idk when that will be. Right now I’m still in the sobbing hysterically as I process my new reality phase. I need to get through that before I’ll be ready to start communicating normally. I’m hopeful that I’ll only need a week or two in this phase. But who knows. Grief is hard to predict. All I can do now is stay patient and work through it.

#personal #dog death tw #pet death tw #grief #the ao3 author's curse is undefeated #I really wrote chapter 17 into existence #ugh #I'm finding the lolz where I can

[purrincess-chat]

Cat’s Writing Tips: Trimming the Fat

Hello, and welcome to another Writing Tip Monday on a Tuesday with Cat! My name is Cat, and I was busy yesterday. For those that are new here, I’ve been writing unprofessionally for 16 years. I’ve learned a thing or two in my time, but feel free to take any of my advice with as many grains of salt as you see fit. Let’s get into it. 

If you’re someone who constantly has high word counts and are looking to cut them down to fit into a zine or just in general, then this post is for you! I’m talking to all my over-writers out there. Today I want to talk about how to trim down unnecessary words and phrases from your writing to be more concise and less confusing and redundant. Keep in mind that there are times when you can use these things, but I’m just saying that a majority of the time you shouldn’t. And before anyone gets their feelings hurt, I’m guilty of a lot of these during drafting too because sometimes it’s just easier to use them and get the words onto the page. These are all things to eliminate in editing. If it’s easier for you to use them during your actual drafting process, then by all means. Just be sure to go back and edit them out, and eventually, you’ll reach a point where you can avoid them during drafting all together. 

1. Filler Words

“Cat what do you mean by filler words?”

Words like “that,” “very,” “really,” etc. 9/10 you don’t need them, but let’s talk about each one specifically. 

That is one that I’m particularly guilty of. Maybe it’s a regional dialect thing, but I use “that” in my regular conversations when I’m speaking a lot. The thing about “that” is it’s usually unnecessary, and sentences can make sense without it. Key word: usually. I’ll give a couple examples to show you the difference between when “that” is appropriate, and when it’s not needed:

Appropriate use of that:

“Hey, can you hand me that?” She pointed to the wrench on the counter.

Here, context will matter, but it’s perfectly fine to replace an object in a scene with the word “that” in this context. Sometimes “that” does have a place, so I’m not saying go out and delete all the “thats” from your stories. Just assess whether or not it’s necessary in each context, like my next example: 

Unnecessary use of that:

Something told her that he couldn’t be trusted. 

In this context, the sentence can work without the word “that.” It still makes grammatical sense to say, “Something told her he couldn’t be trusted.” The word “that” is just an extra word filling up space in the sentence. Delete it. 

“Very” and “really” tend to serve the same function, so I’ll lump them together. These two words offer a scale your readers don’t need. In most cases, it’s best to replace these words with stronger verbs, more specific adjectives, or just delete them all together. I’ll give some examples:

Weak: A very big cake sat on a table, colorful birthday candles waiting to be lit. 

Stronger: A large cake sat on the table, colorful birthday candles waiting to be lit.

Weak: She was very tired.

Stronger: She was exhausted. 

Weak: This wasn’t really how he planned on proposing.

Stronger: This wasn’t how he planned on proposing.

These words aren’t as descriptive as you might think, and more than anything, they just bog down the sentence. Your writing will pack more of a punch if you replace them with better descriptors and actions. 

2. Epithets

“the brown haired girl”

“the blonde”

“the writer”

“the musician”

I see epithets used a lot, and I want to commend epithet users because it comes from a place of good instincts. You use them as an alternate means to describe someone because you worry people will get tired of reading a character’s name over and over, and you are correct. People will get tired of that, but they’re also going to get tired of the overuse of epithets too. Here’s my two cents on the matter:

Epithets are fine if the character doesn’t have a name or if they don’t bear any importance to the story. Let’s say your character buys a coffee in one chapter from a random coffee shop they’ll never visit again. Saying something like, “The barista handed him his coffee,” is fine because the barista is serving one purpose in the story--they’re a barista. They don’t need a name because the readers are never going to see them again. 

However, if you’re using epithets for important characters or even the MC, what you’re really doing is creating distance. And in some cases you’re also confusing the reader just as much as if you used their names over and over. 

“Hey,” the blonde said. 

“How’s it going?” the brunette replied.

“Great! How about you?” Her friend smiled. 

Like, you see how that’s just as annoying? I promise you, I would much rather just read the characters’ names in this situation, but how do we fix this in a way that doesn’t involve repeating character names or pronouns, which can also get tricky in scenes where people of the same gender are talking? There are a couple of different ways. 

-Break up long conversations with action or description

Very rarely should your characters just be standing around doing nothing except talking. Create movement in the scene, utilize the surroundings, have your characters do something instead of just talking. Even if that’s all your characters are doing in a scene because a conversation needs to be had, you should still break up the conversation every now and then. How does your MC feel about what’s being said? What things might they be leaving unsaid? How does what they’re feeling manifest physically? What is their body doing?

Ex from my own writing:

“Can I make you some tea?” She offered, setting her bag on the stairs.

“Sure.”

Perfect. Tea was a good excuse not to look at him. She kept her back to him while she worked, pretending that she didn’t know where things were to stall for time. His eyes followed her every move. Watching. Waiting. She couldn’t keep this up forever, so she might as well get it over with.

“So, what’s up?” she asked while filling the kettle.

Instead of immediately continuing the conversation, you can pause to give the reader a breather, but it really depends on the situation. If you’re going to break a conversation, be sure it makes sense for the character to pause and reflect. If characters are having a heated debate, inserting a paragraph where the character is reflecting on their feelings might pull the reader out of the tension in the moment. Just be aware of what the tone and intention of the scene is. 

-rather than overusing dialogue tags, consider occasionally using an action tag. 

“Said” is fine. I’m not advocating for the overuse of action tags or giving every piece of dialogue a hyper-specific tone descriptor. But if you write an entire conversation using only things like “said” “asked” “replied,” you’re going to suffer from White Room Syndrome/Talking Heads Syndrome. 

“Cat, how is this different from the previous example?”

The previous example was about interjecting a non-dialogue paragraph and getting inside the character’s head or following their actions. This example refers to how you tag dialogue itself. I’ll give another example from my own writing:

“Wow.” Marinette’s eyebrows raised. Her makeup never looked half this good when she did it herself—a skilled hand made all the difference. She peeked up at Gabrielle applying her own lip gloss and pursed her lips. “So, what kind of party is this?”

“Relax, goody-two-shoes, the most exciting thing at this party is wine. My parents don’t let me go to trashy parties.” Gabrielle rolled her eyes, removing her large trench coat to reveal a sparkly black dress with mesh cutouts along the waist. “Just try not to act too lowbrow, okay? Don’t embarrass me.”

“I’ll do my best?” Marinette said as they pulled up to the front steps.

“Great.” Gabrielle tossed her compact into her purse and kicked open the door. “Oh, and just because we’re arriving together does not mean you are allowed to socialize with me here. Don’t hang off me like a sad little koala. Go dance and have fun with other people.”

“Right. Wouldn’t want anyone to think we’re friends,” Marinette said.

In this case, having action tags instead of dialogue tags helps keep the scene flowing without the repeated use of their names becoming redundant. Keep in mind that there are more ways for characters to interact during a conversation other than just speaking. Body language can tell the reader a lot about how characters might be feeling and what their relationship is to the person they’re speaking to. 

But just like the last point, I’m not advocating for you to go and delete every dialogue tag in your writing and replace it with an action tag. Use of action tags still needs to make sense and add something to the conversation. Using action just for the sake of action can be just as redundant and annoying to read. Conversations are a balancing act. Remember: “said” is fine, but using only “said’ is boring. Writing is a balancing act, so assess your scenes carefully. 

-create distinct character voices (*a topic I’ll touch on another day in more detail)

I’ve talked about dialogue tags, action tags, breaking up conversations with inner monologues, but what if I told you some lines of dialogue don’t need any tags at all? I’ll give an example from my own writing:

“I know I messed up. I’m sorry.” He lowered his gaze. “I learned my lesson.”

“Good. With your silly little conscience out of the way, we can actually get some real work done,” Chloe said. “I do have a few ideas for you, but…”

“But what?”

Chloe leaned against her fist with a wicked grin. “I need to test your loyalty. If you’re going to lie down with the dogs, you can’t be afraid to get dirty, so I need to know you’re capable of breaking the rules.”

A chill prickled his spine, and Adrien shifted in his seat. “What kind of rules?”

“See? This is why I have trust issues, Adrikins.”

In this example, I have two lines of dialogue that are untagged, but in both cases, it’s still clear who is talking. Given that this is a conversation between two people, and by sheer adherence to the “new speaker, new paragraph” rule, you can rightfully infer that Adrien is the one who says, “But what?” Similarly, you can assume the last line is said by Chloe, but the last line in particular is very specific character voice. Chloe is the only person who calls him “Adrikins,” so even if there was another person in this conversation, you’d still know it was her talking. Giving your characters a specific manner of speaking can help readers infer their dialogue in situations like this. This specific manner of speaking is known as “character voice.” It’s literally what it sounds like--the “voice” that readers will hear in their head for a specific character. If your character has a distinct and strong voice, readers will be able to pick up on their dialogue more easily. 

3. Adverbs

I feel like everyone gets heated about this one, and some writers will cling to their precious adverbs until their dying day. Cool, you do you, but I’m here to tell you that adverbs aren’t doing as much as you think they are. 

Don’t get me wrong, I like adverbs, and I’m not one that’s going to tell you to go out and delete every single adverb from your story. Adverbs do have their place and can add to a scene, but you need to be conscious of how you’re using them. Let’s talk about some examples of good and bad adverb usage:

Bad adverb: “She ran quickly down the road.”

Running is inherently something people do quickly. By definition, it’s faster than walking. 

Good adverb: She smiled sadly. 

Smiling is normally something people do when they’re happy. By adding the adverb “sadly” in this instance, it changes the meaning of the smile. 

When using adverbs, it’s best to ask yourself what exactly the adverb is adding to the scene, if anything. Is it changing the meaning of something, or is it being redundant? In general, most adverbs can be replaced with stronger verbs to improve a sentence or just deleted all together. 

It’s fine to just say: “She ran down the road.” But if you’re trying to convey a bigger sense of urgency in the way she’s running you could say: “She darted down the street.” or “She sprinted down the street.” Both of those are ways to say she’s running faster than normal. You could also get showy with it and say something like:

“The rubber soles of her shoes hit the pavement, ragged breaths weighing her lungs. Her child’s pained cries fell silent in her arms, and she cradled her closer. The hospital was still three blocks away.”

There are a lot of ways to eliminate adverbs from your writing to make it stronger. The world will go on without them. Please, let them go. 

There are plenty more things you can do to trim down word counts, but I feel like these are the big three I see a lot. Another option is cutting unnecessary scenes, but that’s a topic for another day. A lot of the time, you can easily cut down words by making these little line edits and improve your writing exponentially. If anyone has any more questions on how to trim these examples specifically, feel free to send me a message or leave a comment on this post. I’m always happy to talk writing! As always, we improve by helping each other, so don’t be afraid to ask. I’ll see you guys next time! 

#cats writing advice #writing advice #writing tips #writing help #writing ref #writing reference #writing community #writing

[hunieday]

Yuki – 16 IDOL ALBUM RabbiTV (part 1)

PART 1 - PART 2 - PART 3

Please note that I am not a professional translator and I'm only doing this to share the side materials to those who cannot access it, if you notice any mistakes please let me know nicely. Enjoy!

Okazaki Rinto: So, in light of the popularity of “Welcome to the Kids' Room”, we are launching a new project to show everyone’s roots up until now!

Momo: yay! clap-clap!

Yuki: clap-clap.

Okazaki Rinto: thank you very much for your enthusiastic response!

Okazaki Rinto: This is a large-scale project in which IDOLiSH7, TRIGGER, and ZOOL will also participate. As seniors, I would like to thank you for your support of the project!

Momo: I see… I might learn things I didn’t know about my oshi yet…!

Yuki: Am I not your oshi?

Momo: Yeah, but?! I'm talking about the one with the guitar in his hand and the bored look on his face…?!

Yuki: Fufu. Then a certain soccer boy is my oshi.

Momo: Kyaaa~!

Yuki: What do you mean, “kyaaa”.

Okazaki Rinto: Oshis and partners, Re:vale are the best!

Momo: Wait, Okarin! It might be impossible for me to do this after all…! Yuki praising little me and hearing his childhood stories would make me feel weird…!

Yuki: How come it would be weird just because it's me as a child?

Momo: It's exactly why!

Okazaki Rinto: Well, now that you say it, little Yuki-kun did seem to have that super popular vibe about him, didn't he?

Momo: Right…! If we ever went to the same kindergarten, I would have fought to earn the right to play with him in the sandbox.

Yuki: It's just a sandbox, it’s fine. Even as a child, I think you can manage a schedule so that you don’t butt heads?

Momo: ugh… Monday’s sandbox is for M-chan, T-chan will spend Tuesday’s sandbox with Yuki, that rotation will be difficult on him.

Momo: what do I do… Kindergartener Yuki…

Okazaki Rinto: Momo-kun, it’s okay. Yuki-kun is an adult now.

Yuki: Momo must have also been popular, he would never invite me to play with him.

Momo: What, me ?! that’s not true…!

Momo: If anything, when I was little, I played more with my sister's friends. We played with their dolls together!

Yuki: Ahh, I see. Somehow I can see that in my mind’s vision.

Momo: How did you spend your time as a child, Yuki?

Yuki: I used to talk to my parents' customers. They taught me how to play the guitar.

Momo: gyaah~! I knew it, the way he spends his time is also handsome...

Okazaki Rinto: Your family used to run a jazz cafe, huh? It’s cute that they had a poster child like you.

Yuki: I didn't hang out there that often. Well, the regulars pampered me though.

Momo: It must have been nice, regulars…

Yuki: If you want to pamper me, Momo, why don't you put my photo in the locket pendant too?

Yuki: I’m properly carrying you with me after all, Momose-kun.

Momo: Good for you, picture-me… !! it would be absolutely unreasonable for me to carry around Yukito-kun…!!

Yuki: I don't understand Momo's criteria of unreasonableness.

Okazaki Rinto: Yuki-kun… compared to when you were talking to a fire extinguisher, you’ve really grown… 

Okazaki Rinto: Well, I will give you more information when the planning is complete, I look forward to working with both of you!

Momo: ye~s! Momo-chan will do his best…!

Yuki: Pleased to work with you.

[cut to re:vale’s dressing room]

Yuki: This can’t do... I will end up in hellish debt if this goes on. Tamaki-kun, lend me some money.

Tamaki: Any chance I'll get it back?

Yuki: Don’t worry. I'll double it at the casino and give it back. You can leave me your money in peace.

Tamaki: …Anyone who approaches you saying that is suspicious. So-chan said so.

Tamaki: Something about checking for warranties…?

Yuki: a warranty, huh… all I have is the giant stag card right now.

Tamaki: That's a $200 card, right? I can't lend you that.

Yuki: I see… you stand your ground surprisingly well, don’t you?

Tamaki: fu fu~n. Right? I can’t be deceived.

*knock-knock*

Tamaki: ah, someone came.

Minami: I am ZOOL’s Natsume Minami, we will be working on today’s recording together. I paid a visit to greet you.

Torao: I’m Mido Torao. Is it alright if we interrupt you?

Yuki: Go ahead.

*slam*

Minami: thank you very much. So Yotsuba-san was there as well.

Tamaki: Good work. Minamin, Toracchi.

Torao: I’m still not used to being called Toracchi…Yotsuba also came to say hello?

Yuki: Momo went to talk to a staff member he gets along with, so I got bored. I saw Tamaki-kun, so he called him to the dressing room.

Tamaki: so, now we are playing Sugoroku (1) . Let’s do it together!

Torao: Sugoroku? Is it a game of rolling dice?

Minami: No, this one looks like roulette. It's very rare to have such a board game in the dressing room….

Yuki: When I have a long free time, Momo brings me some kind of game.

Yuki: What do you say? We can start over, and do it with the four of us?

Tamaki: ... But I'm in a good place now, so I don't want to start from the beginning…

We were moving Momorin's piece for him, so… can’t one of you take over for him?

Minami: I see, if one of us messes up, Momo-kun’s life will be ruined.

Torao: It's too hard to play…

Minami: Let's do our best, Mido-san.

Yuki: By the way, I just got divorced from Satsuki. I just lost all my money for alimony.

Tamaki: I just had my fifth child.

Torao: aren’t those two lives polar opposites…?

Yuki: It was all good until I became a banker and got married. I got hooked on casinos and lost everything.

Tamaki: You've been laid off from your job, too.

Torao: That's terrible…

Minami: Momo-san’s piece is… sounds like he’s having a blast in Las Vegas. Mido-san, isn't this time to show off your skills?

Torao: I've won many times in Las Vegas, leave it to me.

Yuki: Spin the roulette wheel and if you get a 7, you get 3 times your stake.

If you get a 6, it is doubled. 3, 4, and 5 are not multiplied. No payout on 1 and 2.

Yuki: What are the stakes?

Torao: All-in, of course.

Minami: Please wait, it's better to leave half of it for now just in case...

Torao: You don't understand, Minami. According to the odds, the theory is to bet the whole amount in these situations.

Torao: Sogo might hedge against this risk, but… I'm doing it my way here. Trust me.

Minami: Mido-san… I understand. I will trust you.

Yuki: Nice. That's what I'm talking about, Mido-kun. You are a manly man.

Tamaki: Oh man, my heart is pounding!

Torao: Here I go…!

*rattle*

Minami: th..this is …!

Tamaki: …1 ! you lost!

Torao: Are you kidding me…?!

Minami: ...you lost all your property in a matter of seconds. After you were so vigorous in telling us to believe in you.

Torao: Are you sure this roulette thing is not broken?!

Tamaki: That's hilarious, Yukirin said the same thing earlier too.

Yuki: I will not let Momo get lost in the street.

Torao: You're broke too, aren't you!?

Yuki: Don't worry. I'll crawl up from here and stand at the top.

Tamaki: So cool! As expected of Yukirin.

Yuki: fufu. I've learned throughout my life that it's no big deal to be broke.

Minami: Throughout your life ...? Not through this game?

Yuki: It's a true story. Have you ever eaten wildflowers?

Torao: …no…

Minami: …That’s unexpected. A penniless Yuki-san… 

Yuki: ...Well, if it weren't for Momo, I don't think I could have endured it.

Tamaki: Yukirin, Momorin was there for you.

Yuki: fufu, that’s right. Because I had Momo by my side, I thought I would live the next day.

Yuki: Look, it's Tamaki-kun's turn next. Spin the roulette.

*rattle*

Tamaki: Yay! I got it Six! It says "Virtual Currency is an investment"!

Minami: That's a lot of money, 5 million. That's just the same amount that Mido-san just lost.

Torao: Virtual currency, huh… Sougo might be able to do it.

Tamaki: Toracchi, ever since earlier you keep mentioning Sou-chan’s name.

Yuki: Great, I want to stop at that square too.

*rattle*

Yuki: I got a 4... "a child will be born"?

Minami: Aren't you divorced?

Yuki: Let's see… if you're divorced, your ex-wife shows up with the kids and you have to take them in.

Torao: That's quite an awkward situation. Is this really a game for all ages?

Yuki: I'm finally a father of a child…

Tamaki: Yukirin's child looks like Yukirin.

Yuki: Looks like me, huh. If it talks back to me I might get irritated about it.

Tamaki: That's how kids grow up! Yukirin, can you change diapers and prepare milk?

Minami: …I can't imagine Yuki-san doing any of these things...

Yuki: Neither do I. My parents were also of the laissez-faire principle, I can't really picture parenting.

Torao: ...Laissez-faire, huh. What kind of childhood did you have?

Minami: If you are looking for a picture, I saw it appear in "Welcome to the Kids' Room" before.

Tamaki: Ah, that one. Sou-chan was speechless and covered his face with his hands.

Yuki: Momo said so as well. He said that he felt strangely emotional and that he was going to be sick.

Minami: There seems to be a certain part of the population that had an out-of-this-world appearance.

Tamaki: But, Yukirin is just a kid no matter what he looks like, right? He must have been playing with Rabitti-kun, like everyone else.

Yuki: I wonder how it was. I think I spent more time with musical instruments than with toys, partly because of my father's jazz cafe.

Tamaki: You’ve been listening to difficult music like jazz since you were a kid. You've always wanted to play outside more, haven't you?

Yuki: Haha. I've never had a particular yearning for childlike play. Ever since I can remember, I've loved music.

Yuki: Like my parents, I didn't like to interfere or be interfered with.

Yuki: For me at the time, the coffee shop was a comfortable place for me to be.

Torao: …It must be nice. A place where no one interferes.

Yuki: Back then, and now like this with you guys, I think it's a lot of fun to play around and make a lot of noise…Isn’t that true for you, too?

Torao: That’s right ... I think, maybe they taught me that kind of feeling.

Yuki: I, too, have people who taught me that.

Yuki: Come on, turn the roulette. Next is Torao-kun’s turn.

[End of episode 1.]

(1) Sugoroku: race game (board game played with dice in which the object is to reach the end of a track)

#idolish7 #idolish seven #yuki #yuki re:vale #16 idol album #rabbitv #idolish7 translation #yukito orikasa

[twinkodium]

i really thought i wasn’t too tired to write to you last night but apparently i was… i remember typing out a message but not sending it away because i fell asleep the moment my head hit my pillow 😭 anywaysss

ahhh but that sounds tough, hope it isn’t too stressful for you :( i don’t really have a lot of hobbies except for sports but to be fair, i am working with my hobby so it’s all good! but yeah it would def give me more time to write 🥲 i had to watch silverstone like two hours late because i was on a flight and i didn’t think i would feel it the same way since it wasn’t live, but god i was shaking on the train from the airport as i watched it lmao it was so good 🤭 hoping for the same this weekend!

lmao right!! i haven’t seen dts either, i saw only like the first two episodes of this season, but i just have this screenshot from twitter shdjshsj

cocky??? as if 😩

i might need him to bleach his hair sometime soon… just for research purposes……. also i love the dedication of going through that many pics 😭

i don’t think i’ll ever not be crazy about him back then 😶😶 truly unfair that he looks like that, rude to all other men tbh!

yeah some weekends get quite chaotic…. like this was my schedule for the weekend in paul ricard/hungaroring, when i also decided to watch italian f4 🫠 (i also think i had some times wrong shdkdhdjdj that sucked)

i have to say that i’m quite boring and mostly like the prema drivers…. kimi especially i guess, but also martinius stenshorne, love to see scandinavian representation 🤭 but yeah they’re def babies! we have a half-swede in f4 and he’s born in 07… he’s leading the championship and he only just turned 16, what 😭

if liam beats oscar, i will most def ship him over to you 🥰 but wait 3 hours of sleep only???? help that’s a nap, not a nights sleep 🥲 hope you’re doing okay though!! and get some rest when you can <3

!!! he talks with his hands!!!!! god i love me a man who’s expressive with his hands. and the ring…. 😮‍💨😮‍💨 i also do love me a buff man, he’s good at wearing loose shirts so it doesn’t show as much but that bathtub pic !!!! mmmmmm it’s etched into my brain

(also about my other ask, pls those pics 😭 also the part when he had his hand on his neck… god no it was a double kill 😤 and the shoulder to waist ratio?? *chefs kiss*)

No worries hun, same thing happened to me yesterday 😭😭😭 why are we always so tired?

This week was the worst probably… with me on my period means extremely mood swings… some drama in my personal life too and everything thrown at me at work to find a solution really made me angry and frustrated 😩 what kind of sports? And what is your job again? I’m pretty sure I’ve read it in one of your anon asks but I can’t remember.. 😞 emotions will come out even if you don’t expect it and I watched Silvo like 3 times already just to savour the moment and happiness they radiated that weekend 🥹🥹🥹

I watched the first season fully I think but I already thought that it’s overdramatic and twisted as shit… so didn’t bother to watch the other seasons 😂 omg now I have to watch that one episode to see why they were saying such a bullshit 😂😂😂 I assume his dry humour came out while having a resting bitch face and people took him seriously 😂😂😂

I want to see him with blonde hair 😭😭 just for a weekend or something! Nothing more cuz I love his brown locks 🥺 I collect pictures like no tomorrow 🫣 but anything for sharing a great one with the Oscar nation 😌

Omg, what is this schedule?? My god it looks that almost every session overlapped each other 🫨🫨 tell me about it… I usually take a screenshot of the schedule on Monday or Tuesday so I can plan ahead. So many times they changed the times after I’ve saved it and missed a beginning of sessions 🥴 torture!

Ahh prema is supreme, I’m not surprised, so sad they don’t seem to excel in f2 😅 I only need one mistake free weekend for the boys but we can’t get it 🥴🥴 wow what a name!! 🫨 I bet the commentators gets it right 😂😂😂😂 07??? Holy hell I’m 10 years older 🥴 whoops deffo a grandma compared to them 😂

Oh thank you dear, I’m waiting for him patiently 🥺🥺🥺 wait I’l have a screenshot my sleeping schedule for the last five nights.

Yesterday I managed to squeeze in almost 5 hours, that a win there 🫣 I usually take naps tho after work like one hour usually but it’s still only 3-4 hours of sleep per day 😂 I love sleeping yet I struggle to sleep well lately.. ☹️

TALKING WITH HANDS is the sexiest thing ever!! And if they wear rings??? Absolute heaven 🫠🫠 he does wear loose shirts now but back in f2.. holy moly 🫨🫨 THAT BATHTUB pic…. His arms my god 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨 he can’t be that young lmao it’s not possible 😩😩

The difference between their built is insane! 👀 Liam was really on a muscular side back in f2 and Oscar is just lean haha with an awful back posture mind you 😅 and the fact that Oscar went from that to this is unbelievable and mind blowing to me 🫨🫨🫨

LIKE MY GOD WHY ARE YOU TORTURING ME FOR MAKING THIS MAN EVEN MORE DELICIOUS?? 😭😭😭

(I wanted to share them 🥺 yes yes I’m volunteering to have my hands around his neck too if he asks 😮‍💨😮‍💨 ITS INSANE, the slutty waist with his wide shoulders?? Killer 😭😭😭)

#asks #Jackie 🧡 #buttercup 🥰 #deffo some stuff is here that’s not for minors #not so pg stuff #Oscar #Liam #this asks looks like a little novel lmao

[twilightknight17]

Yesterday on P3Re: sadness, desperately wishing Kenji would butt out, and a question for Atlus.

Fuuka has been staying up to monitor things during the Dark Hour, since we don’t know what’s going to happen now, and gets a reading from the base of Tartarus that she recognizes as Strega. This is a shock to everyone, since as far as they knew, Takaya and Jin died after their fall from the Moonlight Bridge.

I’m more shocked by the fact that navigators can hijack each other’s communication channels.

We immediately head for Tartarus, and find Chidori there alone.

Time for a boss fight.

Chidori, I think, fits somewhere between Mitsuru and Fuuka in terms of persona powers. She’s clearly got navi abilities that are stronger than Mitsuru’s, but also offensive spells and physical attacks.

(The axe on a chain is cool.)

But this boss fight isn’t normal, and after a while, Chidori stops.

Being around Junpei has changed her. For the better, I’d argue. Anything other that Takaya’s assassin club is an improvement. But it’s also given her a whole new range of feelings that she really wasn’t ready to cope with.

Now that I think about it, Chidori’s arc is pretty similar to Makoto’s in the movie. Give someone a person to care about after they’ve had nothing, and they’re going to be scared of losing them.

But, as is becoming routine for big emotional moments, Takaya and his gun are here to ruin it.

Honestly, being around Chidori has been good for Junpei, too. He’s been growing as a person now that he has a Someone he wants to fight for beyond just the team. It’s nice.

Unfortunately Takaya’s gun is still real and he just fucking shoots him.

Junpei finds himself in the hospital, where Chidori is actually being 100% honest about her feelings for once. It’s a mental thing, because she’s using her healing abilities to bring him back.

But the problem is, as Fuuka points out, her healing requires energy proportional to what she’s healing. So to bring him back to life… it’s going to take a life.

Junpei, understandably, freaks out, and instead of a normal persona evolution, he gets a fusion. I’m assuming because of how Chidori transferred her life force to him, if we’re going literal with it. Or maybe it’s just a metaphor. Either way, it’s great.

Takaya and Jin wisely decide to make themselves scarce, because Junpei is ready to kill. And… there’s nothing more we can do. Fortunately, Monday is a school holiday, so we don’t have to go, but Junpei spends all day locked in his room.

There’s nothing any of us can say to help.

On Tuesday, it’s the start of career experience week! Which I’m realizing is the sort of thing I’d like to have. Go and try out a job in a low-stakes environment to see if you vibe with it.

Unfortunately, Minato is stuck working at Wild Duck Burger. Which is basically free work for them and a hideous uniform for us.

Four days of this. God. At least the week is flying by.

Wait, is that Ryoji’s voice?

No. Please. It’s the last day. Don’t look at me in this stupid outfit.

...oh. Yeah, of course we can.

Kenji, who is also working here apparently, butts in to join us, because apparently our breaks are at the same time. So he’s also here. Ryoji wants to talk about Junpei; apparently they were working at the same place, and Junpei didn’t even show for the first day.

Yeah… I don’t know how to explain, dearest. It’s an entire backstory.

...Kenji, get out. Go away.

He does go away eventually, and Ryoji admits that he was worried about Minato, too.

I dunno if I’m doing “just fine”, but it wasn’t as hard a blow to me as it was to Junpei. It’s sweet of you to be worried, though.

But it’s okay. I’m gonna go slam through any bad feelings by killing stuff in Tartarus. We’re almost to another border floor, which means the last document is here!

Oh, hey, I was right! The antiques lady did used to work for the Kirijo Group. Nice.

Now we can just fuse some personas, and we’ll be ready to head home for the night.

…Liz, are… are you okay?

Welp, career experience week was kind of a bust, but at least we finally got Junpei out of his room. We want to help, and it’s not healthy for him to wallow alone.

The hospital sent over Chidori’s sketchbook. She apparently left it behind.

Junpei, the person you were in love with died in your arms. You do not have to ‘snap out of it’. No one is asking you to get over it right now. We just want you to let us help.

He says we won’t understand Chidori’s drawings, but I think we can understand perfectly.

I guess I should check in on my social links… How are things, Maya?

...so, the ethics teacher doesn’t even LIKE her fiance? Great. Wow. This school is so functional.

Ryoji is over that evening, but he’s hanging out with Junpei. I can’t even be mad, because Junpei’s mood has improved significantly.

I’m glad he’s doing better. It’s going to take a while to get back to normal, but he’s not being crushed under the weight of his grief anymore.

Back to school Monday, hang out with Chihiro, back home to the dorm, and…

Hon. Babe. Love of my life. TELL ME that you’re coming over and I’ll be here. We’ve already established that I’ll ignore all my social links for you. It’s like you’re getting more shy after Kyoto. Is it too hard to talk to me after realizing you’re in love with me? :P

Aigis doesn’t like that he’s here so much, though. And she’s acting weird.

No. You are a person and you are our friend. Don’t talk like that.

And lastly, Mitsuru has stayed up past midnight to take a phone call, with some interesting info.

So, Atlus, what was that about wanting to maintain the core P3 experience? Because there was no way to save Chidori in original P3. That didn’t come til later.

I wonder what I did that saved her. Was it buying the flower?

Either way, what a bunch of bozos. “Core P3 experience” my ass.

Oh well. December is next, and I am ready to get my heart broken! Bring it on!

#Li plays P3Re

[my-illness-and-me]

Monday

I hear the doctor tell me that six months could be lived free or a few years could hurt. 

I don’t hear much of anything else on the way home.

Our babysitter asks what’s wrong when she sees us.

I tell her that she might not have to come in for a while and she tells me my son is sleeping. She hopes that everything is okay and I don’t tell her that it’s not.

At the dinner table, I tell my wife that maybe I’d like to leave after six more months living instead of a few years waiting to die.

She wants to say she understands, but she’ll always want longer.

Longer doesn’t always mean more time, I tell her, taking her hand, but not her eyes. 

Those are stolen by the little ones, standing in the middle of the room that he heard us order an empty chair for.

We were worried he might not understand it, but he did because he asks me not to leave at all. 

I tell him I don’t want to. It would never be my choice.

He says please.

Ever since he learned it, he’d said it like a magic word.

All kids do, I think.

They believe it could get them anything they could ever want and I start to wish that he could’ve believed in magic for a little while longer.

Tuesday

This morning I get mad at God before I ask for salvation. The sky never says a word and I wonder if he’s just like magic.

I ask online how many memories we have from when we were five before I ask if my son will be okay.

Someone tells me that the hole never fills, but life grows around it. 

How it was like that with her mother and I ask if that just means forgetting because I’m afraid of it.

I ask her if it’s ever hard to remember her mother’s voice and she doesn’t reply.

I wake up my son and ask if he wants to learn how to ride a bike.

Wednesday

My mom tells me that there’s an experimental treatment that’s had some success before my wife tells her we can’t afford it.

They get angry with each other instead of being scared.

My hands go numb and my chest caves in on itself.

I start to feel like a black hole.

I ask them if we can go on a walk before I swallow the living room.

My son comes with us and he asks if I can teach him how to ride his bike again.

I keep both hands on his side at first and I let go when I think he believes in himself, but he falls when he looks back.

I ask him what happened and he tells me that he thought my hands would always be there.

Thursday

The woman who lost her mother sends me a message.

She says that life growing is not the same as forgetting and she sends me a picture to prove it.

A little girl in the arms of a mother who lost her mother.

Her middle name is my mother’s first, she tells me.

I ask her if loss is only ever just a middle.

She thinks so.

I start to write letters for birthdays, weddings, anniversaries, graduations, and funerals.

The middle shouldn’t be longer than it has to be.

Friday

I have to tell the doctor by Monday how much time I have left.

It doesn’t feel like a question with more than one answer.

They both just mean not enough.

My wife tells me that whatever I decide, they’ll be there for me.

I don’t tell her that’s the part I’m scared about.

I call my mom and we start to talk about my son’s childhood like a eulogy

She tells me that she’ll be there to help him and his mother.

No matter what, she’ll be there for it.

I tell her that’s the part I’m scared about.

She comforts me like a mother does and I let her for longer then it takes to feel better. I want her to remember what it feels like to be a mother before she isn’t one anymore.

Saturday

The woman with a daughter sends me a message and asks how I’ve been doing.

I tell her that I’m afraid all I’ll leave behind is an empty chair.

She asks what about all the ones I’ve made full

A mother's, a wife’s, a son’s.

I tell her that’s the part I’m afraid about.

Her mother was too, she mentions. 

So every first Sunday of the month she visits her mother with her family.

She tells her about her granddaughter and all of the life that grew in the garden she’d planted.

They stay like that for a while until she’s sure her mother isn’t scared anymore.

I feel a little less scared when she says that.

Before I go, the woman tells me that she’s praying for me.

I let myself believe in magic for a little while.

Sunday

We’re all in the front yard watching my son learn how to ride a bike.

I tell my son before I let go this time and he tells me he’s scared to do it by himself.

My hands don’t have to be there to believe that they’re there, I tell him.

He nods and I let him gain speed before I let go.

He goes for longer than any of us thought he would before he falls.

We all run to him and I think to apologize for hurting him, but he smiles instead.

He asks if I saw how far he went.

I tell him yes.

Yes I did, I smile.

We stay like that for a while until he asks if he can go around again

We watch him for a little bit longer than the time it takes for me to decide how much time I have left.

#chronic illness #chronic pain #poets on tumblr #writers and poets

[indecentpause]

Find the Word

tagged by @catchingbigfish to find stars, hedge, justify, written, and question. thank!

as always, from The Black & Blues :)

cw: suggestive, food

stars:

Austin slams his hands on the table so hard your glasses shake.

“Oh, fuck yeah!” he shouts.

“Dude,” Kris hisses through his teeth.

Austin turns bright red. Since you met him, he’s started growing out a beard, and while he keeps it relatively close cropped, it looks good on him.

All your male friends are so good looking, fuck.

He leans in and repeats with a whisper, “Fuck yeah.”

You and Danny look over at Kris and Sara.

“Are you looking for rhythm guitar?” Sara asks. “I think that’s where I’m most comfortable.”

“That’s perfect,” Danny grins.

Kris takes a little longer to respond. He’s majoring in philosophy, with the intention to become a college professor, so he’s the busiest of all of you. Tons of readings and papers and research and debate.

“I think I could manage it,” he finally says. His mouth twists and he rolls his eyes to one side in thought. “I’d have to budget my time really well. But as long as you’re cool with me only making two practices a week, I could make it happen.”

You perk up, your whole body thrumming with excitement. You barely even notice Danny’s leg shifting away.

“Yes, yes, fuck yes!” you laugh, whacking your hands on the table, because you can’t sit still, it’s too exciting, you’re about to combust with joy.

“I’ve made some flyers.” Danny pulls one out of his bookbag and slides it into the middle of the table. “You wanna look over them and let me know if you want anything changed? This is just a mockup so I’ve only printed the one.”

You spend the rest of the afternoon going over the design and the ad and what you’re going to call your band. None of you are sure if you should wait until you’ve held auditions and everyone is together. But you all start scribbling down ideas on the back of the mockup flyer, and not for the first time do you thank your lucky stars for this opportunity. You got out. You’re free. And you’re not going to blow it.

hedge nudge:

Morgan is tall, though not as tall as Josephine or Austin, and he’s thin and waiflike like you are. His hair is the same color and texture, and if he had green eyes and glasses, he could pass for your brother, or even your twin. He grins when he sees you and says brightly, “Hey, look at us! We match!”

You laugh a little. Josephine nudges his arm and turns toward the five of you.

“Sorry if we’re late,” she says. “We–”

“You’re not,” Sara assures them. “We’re just early because we live on campus. No worries.”

Josephine’s shoulders relax and she smiles, relieved. “We were just hoping to be here before you so we didn’t have to abject you to our warming up.”

“We’re all musicians, too,” Danny says. “It’s okay. We get it.”

justify explain:

When they return to the table, Morgan says, “I was just asking Jaisyn if he wants to come to some of our practices. I think we’re off to a good start, but could help to have some outside ears that know about music, too, you know?”

“Absolutely!” you say again. “We’re going to practice on Monday and Wednesday evenings. Sometimes we're gonna try to sneak in a Friday if Morgan has the day off.”

“I’m a server, so I work evenings,” he explains. “And Fridays and weekends are our busiest. I’ve talked to a couple of coworkers, though, and some of them said they’re willing to switch shifts with me occasionally if I need a Friday or Saturday for a show. That’s when tips are best, so convincing them was pretty easy.”

“Nice,” Sara grins. “I’m glad you can work that out. Kris also said he can get the occasional Tuesday or Thursday off, but he’s already extremely part time, so it’s hard to get any extra days off.”

“We can work with that,” Jaisyn says. “I’ll keep an eye out for venues and you can let me know when you’re ready to start booking.”

“What kind of pay are you looking for?” Sara asks. “Because for a lot of us the only reason we’re here is because of scholarships or our parents, and most of us don’t have a lot of money. And we can’t ask you to do something like that for free.”

“You can give me a cut of whatever you earn each show, maybe?” he says. “Honestly, I’m not looking for a job. I’ve always just really wanted to work with musicians writing music. I’m fine on money, so I would even be okay with trading favors or work. Like if one of you can fix my bike, that alone would be a huge help.”

“Oh, I can do that,” you offer. “Probably, depending on what the issue is. I can look at it, at least.”

Jaisyn grins. “If you can, consider it your payment for this sheet music. If not, we’ll figure something out.”

written:

Thank God it’s Wednesday so you have band practice. Your brain is about to melt out of your ears.

You take the last half hour before practice to play around with your guitar. You’ve written about twelve songs between all of you and Jaisyn, so you’re still playing a few covers at every show. You’d like to be all original.

You sing about music and partying and thinly veiled metaphors for masturbation and smoking weed. You have a couple songs about video games and old movies and TV shows.

But you don't sing about relationships. You're not ready to be out and it feels disingenuous to sing about an imaginary woman you'll never fall in love with. Sure, Danny could sing those, if you ever decide to write one. But it feels weird, knowing Sara and Austin and Kris are aroace and you and Morgan are gay. And Josephine can’t really sing besides backup since she’s on brass, and she’s not out either, anyway.

Nobody else really has any skin in it, to play love songs. And for that you’re grateful. You just want to have fun.

question:

This time, Frankie opens the door. She smiles brightly at you and steps to the side as she says, “Hi, Meara! It’s good to see you; it’s been a while! How are–”

But she stops abruptly and her face creases with worry as you stumble inside.

“I haven’t been sleeping well. And I’m having some trouble with school,” you admit.

“Oh, Meara, I’m sorry,” she says. “Here, come in.” She closes the door behind you and calls to Josselin in the kitchen, “Meara’s here!”

“Oh!” Josselin pops his head out and says, “I’m just finishing the last of the dishes, I’ll be right there. Sit down wherever you want.”

Frankie hovers over you like an anxious mother hen. “Is there anything I can get for you? Do you want something to drink? Have you eaten? We have some leftover pad thai. We got it without the scrambled egg because Josselin doesn’t like the texture. I could heat it up for you?”

You gently grab her wrist and she pauses. “I’m okay,” you say. “Don’t worry yourself about me.”

“That doesn’t answer any of my questions.”

“Feed him something!” Josselin says, entering the living room as he dries his hands on his jeans. “He hasn’t been eating enough.”

tagging @theliteraryluggage @thatswhereiwanttobe @siarven @magic-is-something-we-create @kaiusvnoir to find the words up, down, top, bottom, left, and right!

#my writing #writeblr #tag games #find the word tag #excerpt #wip #amwriting #the black and blues #sheraton academy #sheraton academy au #meara ryanne #josselin clearwater #frankie moore #sara quill #danny yazdi #morgan acosta benitez #josephine gupta #jaisyn mayhew

[bergens-adventure-tours]

Week 12: May 1st – 7th, 2023 // It’s all a blur

We’re just going to jump right into things this week!

--

Monday was spent as a proper “get my life together/organized.”  With tomorrow being my first day back to work after a few months jobless (but thriving I’ll add haha), I had quite a bit of general life admin stuff to check off, with final work forms to fill, grocery shop, computer clean out, van tidying, cooking, emails, etc.

--

Initially Tuesday was meant to be the first official day of training, but because work was still waiting on a few other trainees to get into town, myself and another trainee, Jono, got to go on the West McDonnell’s tour for the day!  We had such a fun day with our co-worker, Felipe, leading the tour – getting to visit some really beautiful sites and future swimming locations when the weather gets warmer.  We stopped at Simpsons Gap, Standley Chasm, Ochre Pits, Ormiston Gorge, Ellery Creek Bighole (my personal fave), and Flynn Memorial.    I ended up heading to the hostel my boss owns to get set up for the next couple weeks, and met some other coworkers + fellow tour guides from other companies (Takk (coworker), Tye, Troy, and Ash. All super lovely individuals).

Today was also a spider-experience filled day lol.  It was pretty funny and ironic, and I’m pretty sure I jinxed myself.  During one of the walks on the tour I was telling Jono how I was pretty surprised that in 3 months in Australia, I hadn’t had any notable spider experiences or seen any of the “crazy” spiders you always see on the internet, and how I kept telling family/friends it just really isn’t that bad here. And he was replying “yeah it’s not too bad but you know, you definitely do come across them eventually – like that one right there” then proceeds to point not even a metre above my head, a huge golden orb ___ and I freaked! LOL the timing was just too good and I was not expecting it to be as close as it was.  We had such a good laugh about it before I was finally collected enough to get a proper look at them.  They make those crazy matted messy looking webs that just feel all the gaps between the trees and branches (they look terrifying).

Then, when I was getting ready for bed I found a spider on my pillow (wasn’t anything big or bothersome) and it was beginning to feel like a message being sent by the spider gods because what came next I swear gave me a damn near heartattack.

Once I was ready for bed, I was just sitting on the floor in my van next to my door, organizing things, when all of the sudden, not even a foot away from me was the most terrifying spider emerging from between the door seal.  I was absolutely shook and had NO idea it was just a huntsman (these are quite common and completely harmless – aussies love these guys as they get out all the bugs. Some jokingly keep them as “roommates”).  In the moment I was very certain this thing could kill me if they wanted to because they looked SO scary (and mine was a small guy compared to how big they can actually get…).  Thankfully they didn’t run in to the van, so I was able to open the door a swoosh them out with my shoe, but when I tell you I had troubles falling asleep that night… I mean I spent the next hour worrying I would wake up to at least two in my van around my head somewhere lol.

Thankfully there have been no other spider encounters since (yet).

--

Wednesday we had our first training day, and got to meet the rest of our training group (Lynda, Cata, and George).  We spent a full day going through all the super dull, dry, typical onboarding stuff. Afterwards, Takk and I did a quick grocery run, and met up with Cata+Jono back at the hostel for some beers and ice cream.  The rest of the evening was spent making dinner and  hanging out with everyone!

--

The rest of the week was honestly pretty brutal.  Thursday we had another full day of dull training and I ended up getting sick with the flu… so the next 3.5 days were spent dying in the van as I burned and slept off the sickness.  Was pretty sad because I missed out on the groups first trip to Uluru and a trip to the climbing gym, but thankfully I’m making pretty decently quick recovery.  Still have a pretty bad cough and some congestion, but managed to start feeling well enough to get out and functioning again Sunday evening – got to meet another new trainee co-worker, Pablo!

One highlight while being sick though was I got to watch the count down for and listen to Ed Sheeran’s new album release on Saturday hehe.

--

I’ll be honest in that while this week was a lot of fun connecting with new people, the energy is still real low as I’m finally come out of the woodworks.  I’ve kept this week’s descriptions quite minimal as I’m still recovering from being sick all weekend, and brain fog is still hanging around.  There will be lots more fun updates to share next week!

Stay passionate and curious, Hunter♡

05/08/2023

[beerecordings]

I just read the entirety of your Werewolf AU and now I know I won’t be able to think about anything else for a couple of days. It’s a good thing I have Monday and Tuesday off lol

I love how cuddly they are and how they become so much more comfortable with physical affection. I also love how Chase craves his children, the image of them all together and very happy and Chase who loves them so much can’t help but show it physically by hugging them so tight and holding them so close and rubbing as much of his scent onto them as possible is just 🥺🥺😭

I also can’t express how and why I love Henrik so much, but I do and I’m am so worried for him, for what Anti is trying to do and for what he’s gonna do about going back to his family or even IF he does.

I have lots of feelings for Jackie and Marvin too 🥺🥺. The way they love each other and the way they end up helping these two new wolves, Marv just a bit more hesitantly but in the end, still caring about them. And Jackie,, and him and Chase!! Hnnnnn

And Sean out here doing his darn best even if he messes up sometimes and can’t be there always but damn he’s such a saint and he really really cares

There’s so many emotions I can’t express or don’t know how over text but goddamn I’m feeling all of them

But also, I know the big bad climax is still to come because they’re gonna have to face Anti and his pack at some point. I’m terrified but in a very good way

oh YAYYYY I'm so glad you like it !!! yeah it's kind of my first time writing them as like normal people who were born normally and have families and that sort of thing instead of being egos somehow. but I am very attached to them as characters!!

yeah every time Jackie runs into another werewolf who needs help he's instantly in Alpha mode, the sort of guy who would walk a lost kid at the grocery store back to their parents or give you a ride home if your car broke down. Marvin's just forced to tag along like "my dumb cousin is being nice to people again." but as we know he's also been craving a pack for a long time now and just waiting for Jackie to be ready to be his Alpha, so there's also a part of Marvin that's happy to have newbies around and to help them out. his personality in this one is pretty similar to him in Marvin's Brothers, where he can be super icy and petty, but also steps up when he's needed and is working on being a better person

meanwhile Chase and Henrik are here like we already had problems and now you've thrown werewolf instincts on top of them THANKS UNIVERSE

i love them and am glad you love them too THNX FOR FEEDBACK AH

#werewolf au

[slowparts]

sometimes i forget that this is actually a blog i can write about my life on. crazy right. anyways. this will probably be the first of many bc shits getting fucking insane in the membrane.

tw medical, cancer maybe, some vast unnameable fear saturday

gabriel has multiple masses in his neck and lymph nodes that we found out about on tuesday. one is nearly two inches long. he’s been complaining about neck pain for months. he had a regular checkup last week, his doc correctly noted his enlarged lymph nodes and ordered an ultrasound, he went for that on monday. on Thursday the (marked urgent) orders for the ct scan of his major lymphatic system + biopsy of his neck finally got sent to the hospital for scheduling. they haven’t called us yet though so i’ll be ringing them in the morning.

and like. yeah. i’ve felt his neck and i can feel it in there. this sounds dumb but he’s always had a big fucking neck. he’s just built like that, with a jawline that can retreat into his neck at a moments notice. he loves making people laugh with it. and yeah under his beard it’s obviously there. and i realize i’ve been staring at it for weeks, months maybe. noting something was off but not putting together what. even if i had, he’s a round soft boy. i’d never say a fucking thing about his chins getting bigger bc i know he feels self conscious about it sometimes. like i couldn’t have known. he’s been attributing his neck pain to his incredibly long working hours lifting things and working the restaurant. he’s been in pain for months and we still don’t know anything about it. i do not want to pre-worry about hypotheticals when we don’t even know what it is. and honestly, most of the time i fully believe it. i can usually talk myself (and often him, too) through a wave of fear about the not knowing, and the waiting. right before i am trying to sleep is the hardest. i dont want to take any meds to help at this point bc i need to be up in about 4 hours and be at work an hour or two after that, but the fear is eating me alive right now. so im writing this to hopefully exorcise some of it, maybe wear my brain out just enough to crash.

it might not even be anything as bad as all that. but it could be, and that’s going to be the rock in my shoe until we know literally anything besides how big the masses are. which coupled with the months of his being in neck pain—he is fucking averse to ibuprofen so whenever he complains about aching and i offer meds he declines 75% of the time, so i always just assume it’s because. he is lifting shit all day at work and when he’s not lifting things he’s at a computer doing other work things. he’s an achy boy and i rub his shoulders and kiss him lots and love him with everything in me. anyway i just assumed it wasn’t anything major. —so the size of the masses + the amount of time he’s been in pain = I’m Really Fucking Concerned. and i can’t fucking do anything about it right now so i should just go to sleep. but when i put my phone down and close my eyes and try to sleep, im more aware of him next to me. and i love him being there. but my brain is making extremely unsolicited leaps and bounds from “oh, my partner is next to me in bed, i love sleeping next to him” to “what if he wasn’t next to me in bed and what if he never would be again because he died from this thing” which is like. literally THE most unhelpful thought to be having while you’re trying to sleep. So i’m gonna ride it out until sleep comes for me like a brick, or until my shift ends tomorrow.

i am so fucking scared. i don’t think i have ever felt fear like this before. everyone in my family who died of cancer died before i was born. i have only ever seen this play out at arms length. if i dwell on that fear, if i try to say what it is i’m afraid of (because for me, naming it is the first step to working through it), its like something primordial in my brain takes over. tangle of eels, oil spill dark and swallowing. no language for it yet.

when he had appendicitis and was in incredible amounts of pain, he described his pain on the 1-10 scale as a 3, maybe a 4. Granted that was nearly 9 years ago and he’s more aware of the fact that he as a man is allowed to be in pain and express it and treat it. so tonight he described the pain in his neck as a 7 that went down to a 5 with the ibuprofen. when he said 7 i had to stop myself from putting him in the car and taking him to the hospital right then. but it was already down to a 5. and he’s sleeping, and has been for a while now, so well at least wait until the morning.

i know he’s scared too, and i truly do not want him to have to be thinking about my fucked up brain feelings in the insomnia hours on top of everything else right now. i will not be telling him about this bc i want to self soothe. its a great time for me to practice. tomorrow night with meds. bc tonight i genuinely don’t think im sleeping. the clock just keeps…. going. and i keep being here.

and the fuck of it all is i do not know. and we wont for days to come. and i just have to live with that and keep reminding myself that it might not be that bad, and that lymphoma has a really high survival rate if it is that, and at least we know about it now. and the hospital has the orders for the next steps and he or i will call tomorrow to see if we can get the ct scan + biopsy scheduled as soon as possible. and tomorrow night, instead of dreading bedtime and spiraling the second i put my phone down for the night, i will take one of my anxiety meds preemptively. if i took it now id be zonked by the time i have to be at work and i do better sleep-deprived and winging it utterly than i do sleep-deprived with benzodiazepines in my system. but tomorrow night i can plan better. and we will get through it.

i love him so much. i know i know i know he will be okay. i don’t need to worry about all that right now.

also somehow!!!! on top of ALL OF THIS!!!!!! my brain is somehow able to sustain a positively unhinged crush on a friend, who doesn’t use tumblr thank god. few truly safe spaces remain in this world for me to have a full on mental breakdown complete with insomnia and inexplicable horniness. sorry that’s more than you needed probably. no actually im not sorry it’s my blog. this is under a readmore. if you’re here you’re in it now.

i think i started writing this post like two hours ago. at least 90 minutes have elapsed. Anyways. i love you im kissing you on the forehead and thank you for reading this and being here with me in a way. i love you.

#tw medical #it’s a long one #i should have a tag for these kinds of posts… #fell asleep before i came up with one. yay sleep. i’ll come back to the tagging idea later #edit to add #it’s not clear but i started writing around 3am. finally crashed around 5:15 #posted when i woke up at 8 #tag for this kind of personal post in the future will be: #personal log

[ko-eko-ev-go-ms]

You ever just like, the day is too much, and there’s just no words or energy and you just wanna skip forward in time.

#thoughts #oni talks #oni vents #current mood mixed with other moods tbh #today is both a bad day and also basically a nothing day since I can’t do anything #I’m too worried to do anything and all I can do is wait for monday/Tuesday for that specific thing to ease #but then this morning was awful bc of so many things and I have no emotional energy to deal with any of it #and there’s like simultaneously too many things rn that i don’t have the emotional energy or capacity for #and also at the same time there is like absolutely nothing I can comfortably do right now #so it’s just like no energy nothing and/or feeling bad #and I’m even more upset bc it’s a waste bc I wanted stuff today #but I can’t do that stuff right now things are too awful #it’s just not a good time rn bc I can’t do anything but there’s so much and so I feel bad but I have no emotional energy #and I can’t do anything about any of it so I just feel worse but I still have no energy #it’s like just sad and numb and tired and it’s all too much in my brain that I have no energy to express #so idk I guess all I’m gonna do is sit here for the entire day probably but I can’t Do anythihg #and it’s worse bc today was a rare free day but I can’t do anything with it #I hate today man and the thing is tomorrow is probably going to end up the same

[muffindaddystyles]

Someone hurts Y/N at work; and Harry’s owner of the company.

Angry young man CEO!H very protective of his lovie :)))))))))))))

It was Tuesday. Tiring Tuesday is what Y/N calls them to be because they lurk in the middle of week and drags you after a Monday. Today, it’s the worst fucking Tuesday since the day she started working at this company.

Harry offered her. More to say tried to convince her with his sweet puppy tactics, tried to lure her in with his seductive begging and would mumble the same thing in her sweaty neck while balls deep in her, “Please sweet toots ... promise I wouldn’t be there to take ye' interview, please work in my company.” He squished her sides in desperation. Y/N whined, mind too occupied in the way he’s leaking into her, the head of his cock angled to rub at her spongy wall making her hug herself into him.

“I could be a very hard boss in my office, ‘s all ‘m saying.” He wiggled his brows at her playfully, hissing when his double joke earned him a tight fit around his prick and he was soon forgetting all of it when she canted her hips to let him slick deeper inside her.

It’s not that; Y/N doesn’t wants to work at his company. When her boyfriend asked her so sweetly and stout-heartedly. Call him a sap but he actually wants to be closer to her in every possible chance he gets – she gives him an unyielding amount of comfort and happiness when she’s with him.

There’s this silver of pride he wants to take (since he’s the biggest narcissists) in being a power couple, because in the end everything will be theirs.

But she doesn’t want to seem like she took advantage of him. She didn’t study and worked hard many years to be called dependent on her boyfriend. She wanted to find her first proper job herself – feel all the odds and jitters of her firsts after UNI.

Harry called the battles off knowing his little stubborn baby’s too much a wiggler and he believes in her and he’s very proud of her previous achievements, he just wants to see her happy working with him or not.

She indeed got it. She was finally a design editor at a grand magazine company, excited to meet her boss who’s one of her absolute favourite graphic designers in the industry.

Harry and her celebrated her baby step towards her success by going out at this cafe which had cats you can pet and love on.

He was blissed to see her this happy, considering it a win win situation. But she doesn’t need to know? Does she? And Harry didn’t do anything suspicious? Did he? Nobody even know who she's! And if Y/N wants that, he’ll have it that way.

Soon her enthusiasm deflated like a sorrowful balloon whirling in the air for seconds before falling on the ground and getting it’s existence neglected, because, her boss was the meanest bitch alive.

At the moment, Y/N forced the pertinacious lump of pathetic tears down her throat, not blinking to dry out the moisture threatening to fall from her waterline feeling humiliation creep up her skin and making her want to shrink into herself and never show her face.

She listens patiently and optimistically as her boss practically screams at her for not liking the designs Y/N worked to modify for damn 62 hours and the Karen still had an audacity to degrade, Y/N.

Y/N gasped, stumbling back in fright shock when the file that had her precious designs composed in it flew and hit Y/N, the ragged corner of it scratching Y/N’s delicate skin and her boss was spinning away from her to stare coldly at the bustling city outside through the window drowning into fumes and anger.

Y/N opened her mouth, guppy like. Wanting to say something back and call her out on her act but she felt like her voice got strangled into her chest.

ShitShitShitShit.

Hammering in her brain when she felt something warm oozing from her skin and she’s panicking, wiping a vicious streak of blood from her jaw with her trembly fingers and scuttled straight to the washroom before anyone was able to see her in such vulnerable condition.

She had enough of it and left out of there without a word to anyone, not even to her cubby mate. She bottled all the emotions that were rattling against her bones to flood out of her each pore, until she could reach her home and once she did she was having a humongous and ominously scary breakdown, glad that Harry was stuck in meetings and the house was all of hers to cry ugly.

Once she was all blue lips, puffy and swelled up cheeks and eyes, nest of a hairstyle and all burned up lungs she was calming herself down with deep breaths just Harry taught her.

Scrubbing and cleaning herself off then going to bed without waiting for Harry, something very rare and the right hit in the nail for him to know she isn’t feeling well.

He was welcomed by silence. No dinner, just leftovers in fridge and his insides became all crummy and not very pleasant when he tailed to the living room and wasn’t met by his lovebug; either cramming her head to sketch down designs with an ipad in her lap while a buzz of random Netflix show accompanies her, dossing off cutely with hundreds of her study journals and magazines messed around her on the floor, or her in sleeping pyjamas with food already set up on the coffee table and brightening the whole room with her squeals when Harry announces his presence.

None of that instead he finds her in their bedroom, drowned under layers of blankies and her stuffies with room lit dark.

He coos softly, mattress dipping down from his weight and his heart expands and melts all around his other organs at how adorable she looks sleeping in his hoodie. He chuckles shaking his head at the way she has the strings of the hoodie squeezed around her head, not sure how she’s able to breath at how tight it seems around her neck.

Doing his own routine he was slipping into the bed, sighing from the warmth and how toasty she has made the bed already.

He bunched her against his chest and kissed her head then spooned her up in his arms, lips fluttering into a smile when she hummed and sniffed basking into his scent.

“Oi sleepy.” He whispers down at her cupping her neck and giggles softly when she whines mushing her cheek against his chest only to grunt sleepily and muffle her yelps into his sweatshirt.

Harry’s brows shoots up into slight bafflement then dips down into a frown when he slipped his calloused palm under her hoodie to cradle her jaw and felt something graze against his thumb that was about to press into her soft skin to bring her for a night kiss.

“Hey...” He perches himself on elbows, switching on the lamps and ignores her groans grasping the blanket she was about to pull over herself, huffing at him to let her sleep but Harry’s more stubborn than her if it involves assuring himself she’s okay and right now she’s not and Harry was already feeling it in his bones.

“Lemme see.” He persists gently, peeling the blankets and the hoodie off her head while she’s still stirring into sleep not able to open her eyes how much she tries because of the exhaustion dumped on her from whole day.

He stares at the wound she did a shit effort to cover with a gauze messily over her jaw and tiny bit area of her neck, a long bandage reaching to her ear and Harry tries to think rationally and not freak out as he touches it with cautious fingertips.

“What ... the –- fuck, Y/N what is...is this?” His mouth falls slack. His ears buzzing for a moment and he wraps his arm around her shoulder to bring her up as he leans them against the bedhead.

He feels bad when she knuckles at her eyes warily and mumbles something that’s barely audible.

“What happened, baby? Talk t’me? How did y'hurt yourself so bad?” Worried and fearful. He bombs her with questions not waiting for her to be fully awake and his heart breaks miserly upon focusing his gaze on her face, her angelic face that’s now soaked with sadness –- she’s been crying.

His loves been crying and he wasn’t there for her.

“Who did this to you?” Y/N's eyes widens abruptly. The alertness in them vivid for Harry to see under the lamp glow and she gasps, nose twitching and lip wobbling as Harry grabbed her chin and ducked to her eyelevel to ask her tenderly with a layer of strictness under his tone, “’M asking, Who did this to you, Y/N?” Her fragile heart could already take so much and she strangled out a sob lowering her head down in embarrassment.

“’M.. I’m —-.. no –..not telli –-..telling you,” She hiccups breathlessly, shaky fingers fisting onto the blanket thrown over Harry’s lap and he holds her hands kissing them gently, “I’ll know it one way or another baby. Don’t force me to get outta my way to find —–“ His soul stabbing glare was enough for Y/N to ramble and at first he thought he didn’t heard her right, that she was mumbling too much but when the reality seeped in gradually Harry almost froze in his spot.

“I know it’s very shameful —..” Y/N stammers barely able to get in a breather and Harry’s head snapped at her words, removing his nails away from making little graves in his palms and his jaw which almost felt like breaking from the hinges from how painfully furious he had it set relaxes as he tries to calm himself down and not to grab his keys and drive to that bitch's house to trash her place.

Because how fucking dare she treat anyone like that in his own fucking company.

“Hey, hey. Now none of that toots. Look at me darling, oh my sweet moppet ... shh.” It slices his heart in pain to see Y/N like this -- so small and disheartened. How dare she hurt his such delicate, sweet, loving girl like that? How!?

“You shouldn’t be ashamed of yourself moppet. She should be, fo’ being such a heartless prick.” He spat, his guts full of bitter and hatred. His skin hot, his grip on her tightening protectively and his chin quivers trying to lock all his anger inside and not to burst out like a pressure cooker.

“I’ll deal with her tomorrow.” He nods curtly to himself, poking his tongue to wet his grimacing lips and Y/N was too woolly to get what’s he’s saying.

His gaze flitters back on her. His demeanour turned incredibly soft and gentle for her smooching a big generous kiss to her salty lips and then to both of her cheeks cared in both of his palms, “Are y'okay? D'you want me to take you to hospital?” She shakes her head mewling and melting and caressing herself into his wrist.

“Why didn’t you call me baby?” He asks her doing anything in his power to mask the hurt in his tone and sighs touching his forehead to her's when Y/N sniffled, “Didn’t wan’ you to worry.” He slid his forearm under her bum and scooched her atop of him, patching tiny careful pecks to her jaw.

“But, that’s love moppet. Worryin’ bout you, takin’ care of ye' and beating anyone raw who even dares to have evil intentions towards you,”

“Remember the time y'snubbed that one guy’s oh so expensive shoes who was very rude to me at one of your graduations party?” His simper turning into a proper ironic grin when she giggled hoarsely nodding along and the tension in his muscles released watching her getting better.

“Proper broke his big toe with your heel darling.” He giggles with her and then Y/N realised how sad and awful Harry’s feeling, how it’s hurting him the same way it hurt her an year ago.

“How about we have a glass of milk .... it’ll help us sleep less grumpy y'know.” He murmurs in the crook of her neck, elbow cocooned safely around her shoulder blade as he kisses the side of her head again and again nose buried in her hair to smell her treacly smell.

.

In the morning he was tragic to hear Y/N sound so heartbroken and dejected as she told him, “I’m going to resign and accept your offer.” Her smile small and sad, hugging him looping her limbs around his torso lazily.

“’kay baby, but first eat your brekkie.” He kissed her hair and squished her pout when he moved away to make some calls to his assistant.

Y/N had no-idea what he was upto. Glad that he was driving her to the company and that he was immensely supportive of her decision, her insides pooled with warmth and giddiness when he tried to cheer her up with his silly jokes and singing along the radio murmuring rubbish whenever he forgot the lyrics.

She was utterly confused when upon reaching he was giving the keys to valet boy to park his car and interviewing their fingers in a strong grip before leading her inside, even though she should be the one to do so.

She sputters a, “Huh?” when instead of telling her he’d wait for her in the lobby he’s rounding the corner towards the elevators and turns his wrist to push her infront of him to keep her closer to himself all the time.

When the doors are sliding apart the people scurrying outside halts for a moment, not looking Harry in eyes and keeping their heads low.

Phones were already rung in the building that Mr. Styles will be coming un-announced and everyone should be prepared to face the consequences if they stumble upon him – because well he isn’t in such a nice mood to start with.

“Harry.” She pokes him in ribs feebly, stepping away from him feeling timid due to few pair of eyes in elevator watching her awkwardly and maybe judgingly.

The tension in space could be cut through knife, as if everyone’s holding their breaths and she pouts taking a good look at Harry who’s smirking smugly confident in his element.

Do they all think her boyfriend’s way too intimidating and out of reach for them? They should know he’s such a sweetie!

Y/N huffs. Folding her arms over chest when Harry paws at her hips and pulls her back against his chest resting his chin atop of her head with a shit eating grin.

In all seriousness. Showing them that’s she’s his's and belongs under his wings, which will keep her safe and protected till his death.

“How did you know my boss's office’s on tenth floor?” She squints up at him suspiciously.

“Hmm. Dunno, moppet. Magical powers or summat?” He teases her, putting a hand at the small of her back to nudge her forward making her blush pink and ducks down to whisper in her ear, “You got this toots.” Biting her earlobe playfully to stroke down her anxiety upon sensing her hesitancy to step in the hallway that has cubicles lined up.

He already got this. He ordered his assistant to get the resign letter ready and showing her who’s the boss here’s not much of hurdle for him.

It’s weird. Bloody weird. Y/N wants to turn back and run away because the moment they step inside the whole damn hallway falls eerily pin drop silent and everyone’s peeking up from the short walls of their cubicles and then diverting their eyes immediately in embarrassment and apology seeing Harry behind her.

The ones who’re standing bows their heads lightly in respect for him and scurrying away to give him a way and that’s insanely surprising and weird.

Harry on the other hand was no stranger to those bogey looks. Of curiosity, uneasiness and dread when he passes through the crowd of his employs. Y/N is.

Slowly perhaps. It starts to sink in— jumbled and disoriented when she looks back at Harry. He’s keeping his head held high and shoulders tilted back with poise and conceitedness, hands stuffed into the pockets of his pants and because though it makes him look like a proper snob— he is their boss and the owner of this company, he should act like one.

“Mr. Styles.” Y/N’s boss assistant Marina who’s usually very chirpy (and undeserving of all the yelling she gets from her boss) turns pale at Harry’s presence. She’s the only person Y/N's very keen of, now she’s fretting towards them with her head lowered and tries to stammer something but Harry’s walking past her with his lips pursued as he goes inside without knocking.

“Harry...” Y/N tattles behind him, lunging to clutch onto the hem of his suits coat, to scold him to stop babying her and let her handle it herself, too late since she’s already meeting with the sight of her overly stressed and upset boss.

Her knees almost gives in when Harry snaps his fingers for the employees that were inside to give them privacy and takes in the most relaxing breath of oxygen, feeling a gag of bitterness in his mouth from even looking at her.

Y/N gasped. Her boss (which she’s not sure is her boss anymore) gasped. The sweet assistant Marina gasped. When Harry told her in the most composing way– though his blood’s boiling absolutely sheathing through his veins.

“You’re fired.” His demeanour cold and voice monotone not giving a fuck how much she shakes and cries for his forgiveness.

“Mr. Styles. I..I can explain–-" She stammers rushing from the back of her desk and stops obediently when Harry gestures her to not to take another step forward.

“There’s no excuse for abuse. I don’t want your lame explanations, I can’t have an abusive asshole running my company for me ... we might be strict on our employees but we aren’t monsters.” He grits, his eyes flaring piercingly with rage and showing no empathy towards her as she pleads him to forgive her mistake– those bricks of money makes you work baby.

“You hurt someone so dearly to me ‘n think I’ll forgive ye'?” The assistance eye’s blows away at newfound information, Harry Styles love of life’s none other than Y/N. The girl she used to have smoked sandwiches and milkshakes with in their lunch breaks.

“I didn’t know ...” He chuckles ironically at her hypocrisy and that’s the last straw for him before he’s threatening her to call the security and she’s getting out of there cursing him under her breath but Harry grabs her from elbow roughly, conceding his brow at her dauntingly.

"Apologise to her right fuckin' now."

"Sorry, Mrs Styles. I'm very ashamed of what I did." She says nervously and Y/N nods not able to speak from the butterflies that are flapping around her stomach, which sure didn't go unnoticed at Harry's side and he smirks at Y/N.

When they’re left alone. Jovial cackles are bouncing against the walls and he’s pressing his hip to the desk, securing his hands around his triceps as he folds his arms infront of his chest entertaining himself to the cute and fuzzy reactions of his girl at what just happened.

“See. Told ya, nobody could defy my bossiness at work.” He grins at her, jerking his hand towards his chest to usher her closer to him and boops her nose smacking an obnoxiously loud kiss to her mouth when she toddles in his arms.

“The offers still there,” He looks down at her cheekily and she shakes her head, a small smile kicking up her lips at his determination and devotion.

“Couldn’t say no to you, could I? What will you be owning secretly next time?” She nips at him, planting her palms firmly against his midriff feeling the crispiness of his shirt underneath his jacket.

“A bakery shop ....?” He muses in the most pondering voice and she scoffs at him through pattering of giggles, “Suck it up Mr. Styles.”

“Hey! I know my prick’s huge but not tha’ much for me to suck it myself.”

Y/N chokes onto her own spit. Shaking her head at him.

“Your innocent employees knows how vulgar you’re?”

“Uhmm. Infact, She gets very hot hearin’ me like tha'.” He bobs his head grinning at her wickedly and she smacks his shoulder, “Harry!”

“Yeahhh! Tell everyone how good I make you feel babbbyy—....” Y/N clamps her hand around his mouth to muffle his lewd fake moaning.

“You’re so embarrassing.” She grumbles wiping his spit sticking to her palm down her skirt and spins around to head for the door expecting him to follow her.

“You don’t talk to boss like that!” He trails behind her, “Boss my ass!” She quips out a squeal looking around to make sure that nobody saw it when Harry slapped her bum.

“Boss someone’s ‘bout to get a pink ass.”

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