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kellyvela · 2 years

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“Oddly enough, although I hate having COVID here, the two years of enforced isolation enabled me to get a lot more writing done, because I was doing a lot less traveling and public appearances and speeches and all of that stuff,” the 73-year-old said. “I’m making progress, but I’ve given up on any hope of predicting the end. Every time I do, I don’t make it and everybody gets mad at me, and there’s no sense. It’ll be done when it’s done. Hopefully, COVID won’t kill me, so we won’t have that issue. I do find it a little grisly, people speculating online about what’s going to happen to the rest of the books when I die. I don’t like to speculate about that. I don’t feel close to dying.”

(...)

Vanity Fair: George, how are you? Everybody’s worried about you.

George R.R. Martin: I’m “positive.” Other than being positive, I’m okay. Yeah, I have some symptoms. I have sniffling and I’m sleeping a lot, but yeah, other than that I feel no worse than I’ve felt with many colds in my life. Aside from being quarantined and going a little stir-crazy, I’m good.

Ryan, what’s the backstory on how you and George came to work together on House of the Dragon?

Ryan J. Condal: George very kindly involved me in this project nearly four years ago. It was September of 2018 when I got called up to the major leagues. After that, in the midst, we had this whole pandemic situation that seemed to make time roll back on itself. It just feels bizarre, in a way, after making this thing seemingly inside of a vacuum over in Watford, England, for so long, to suddenly have an audience full of people in a theater [watching] a finished show. There were times that it felt like it would never get finished.

What got some of the bigger reactions at the show’s premiere?

Condal: A lot of people had things to say about the birth of Baelon, Prince Baelon.

[Light spoilers ahead] This is the notorious “heir for a day,” whose stillbirth leads to the succession crisis that consumes the Targaryens.

Martin: That scene is…you don’t want to use the word “enjoyable” for a scene like that, but it’s incredibly powerful. It’s visceral and it’ll rip your heart out and throw it on the floor. It has the kind of impact that the Red Wedding had. It’s a beautifully done scene of something horrible.

The show’s primary characters are the fifth king of Westeros, Viserys I (Paddy Considine), and his daughter, Princess Rhaenyra Targaryen (Milly Alcock), who would inherit the throne without question if only she were a man. Something passes between them that is stirring discussion. Can you explain?

Condal: I think the Game of Thrones nerds were very interested and intrigued and compelled by the secret that Viserys tells Rhaenyra, connecting Aegon [the first king of the family and the original Westeros conqueror] with the prophecies that we know about the Long Night and the Others [a.k.a. the White Walkers] and the Night King coming out of the North—and how maybe the Targaryen dynasty was aware of it long before we think they were.

These are prophecies that ultimately played out as the climax of the original series. This show suggests that not only are they known by the Targaryens 200 years before, but they’ve been known for about a century.

Condal: I think they were very intrigued by that. A lot of them said I committed A Song of Ice and Fire heresy, but I did tell them: “That came from George.” I reassured everybody.

What is the significance of these prophecies, George? Unless I’ve missed it, is this something you wrote in one of the books, or is that an invention of the show?

Martin: It’s mentioned here and there—in connection with Prince Rhaegar, for example [the brother of Daenerys, played on Game of Thrones by Wilf Scolding]. I mean, it’s such a sprawling thing now. In the Dunk and Egg stories [about a future king, “Egg,” a.k.a. Aegon V], there’s one of Egg’s brothers who has these prophetic dreams, which of course he can’t handle. He had become a drunkard because they freaked him out. If you go all the way back to Daenys the Dreamer, why did she leave? She saw the Doom of Valyria coming. All of this is part of it, but I’m still two books away from the ending, so I haven’t fully explained it all yet.

[Note: The Doom of Valyria was an Atlantis-like cataclysm that demolished the old world roughly a century before Aegon I, the first king of Westeros. Martin has previously noted that “the Targaryens were the only nobles with dragons who escaped the destruction of Valyria.” Having advance notice of history is one of the keys to their power.]

Is one of the implications of this series that the Targaryens might’ve been better prepared for the doomsday prophecy if not for this Dance of Dragons civil war that decimated their family and stripped them of these powerful beasts?

Martin: I don’t want to give too much away, because some of this is going to be in the later books, but this is 200 years before the events of Game of Thrones. There was no sell-by date on that prophecy. That’s the issue. The Targaryens that know about it are all thinking, Okay, this is going to happen in my lifetime, I have to be prepared! Or, It’s going to happen in my son’s lifetime. Nobody said it’s going to happen 200 years from now. If the Dance of the Dragons had not happened, what would’ve happened to the next generation? What would’ve happened in the generation after that? Yeah, there’s a lot to be unwound there.

Speaking of foreshadowing, we’ve seen the Iron Throne a lot onscreen over the years. In House of the Dragon, it has these additional elements of the jagged swords sticking up all around it. My thought when I saw it was that at some point these will be removed. But I wonder who gets impaled on that before that happens.

Condal: Well, we’ll have to wait and see.

Martin: Yes, that’s completely new. I said long ago that the Iron Throne in Game of Thrones, while it became iconic and has ruled in its own way, is nothing like the Iron Throne that’s described in my books. There have been a dozen different [depictions] of the Iron Throne that’s described in the books, the best of which is by Marc Simonetti, an artist I’ve worked with closely. He’s got a terrific picture of it. I know Ryan and his team wanted to do something close to that, but they can’t do the Simonetti throne because it’s 15 feet high, and you’d need a crane to shoot the king. Maybe you should speak to that, rather than me. They came up with this thing to make it closer to his throne, but still not all the way there.

Condal: Yeah, we went into the series knowing that this was a time of high decadence. We consider this the apex of the Targaryen empire, so we really wanted to communicate this idea of wealth and prosperity and the fact that there had been six years of peace. The Targaryens really were able to develop all the nice things that happened: peacetime, statues and art, and roads and fountains.

I think the original Game of Thrones feels…some of this is due to just, those poor guys had a fifth of the resources that we have now. But thanks to the great success that they earned along the way, we were just given it when we walked in the door. We used that to really make this seem like the previous [show] feels like an empire in decay, the great dynasty has fallen, the Targaryens are gone. They’ve been replaced by Robert Baratheon, who is not known for being a progressive leader who puts coin back into the betterment of the kingdom.

Martin: He’s great fun at a party.

Condal: [Laughs] He is great fun at a party. One of the ways that we wanted to communicate that was by addressing the Iron Throne. I think [original GoT showrunners David Benioff and D.B. Weiss] created this very iconic thing. Just the silhouette of that shape, everybody now knows what it is. It’s as iconic as a lightsaber in Star Wars. What we wanted to do is honor that, but also tell the story of a more decadent time, and also communicate that 200 years has passed. If you look very closely, you’ll see that the original throne is there. It’s just added to and augmented, which suggests that history changes things at some point in the intervening time.

Condal: Back to George’s point about the difference between book illustration art and production reality… we did want to do this really grand thing that the Simonetti painting is very famous for. The problem was, from a production perspective, if you put one actor up that high and everybody else is down below, it’s very hard to be with the king. You’ll always be shooting up his nose or over his shoulder, down at the people. You would have to shout. You wouldn’t get great interaction. We wanted to service grandness, decadence, but in a way that was production-friendly and didn’t have our [cinematographers] tearing their hair out.

In addition to being a time of decadence and relative peace, it’s also the era of dragons. In one of the opening shots, Rhaenyra is flying in on her dragon over King’s Landing and there’s a cutaway shot of people walking on the street down below. None of them even look up. Dragons are so common that no one loses a step. Why was that important to establish?

Condal: That is one of my favorite shots in the opening. I will correct you: One guy looks up.

Oh, he does?

Condal: Very subtly. It’s out at the edge of the frame, with the idea being, yes, dragons are a fact of day-to-day life, but they’re still dragons.

He must be new in town.

Condal: Exactly. Just visiting. He came across the Narrow Sea.

Martin: In King’s Landing, dragons are pretty much an everyday thing. The same would be true in Dragonstone, where a lot of dragons come and go, probably in Driftmark, less so in the surrounding lands. If we had a scene instead in Lannisport, a dragon flying over Casterly Rock, or, as will be in later seasons, dragons in the North in Winterfell, that would get a lot of reaction. They don’t normally come up there. That’s a sensation.

Condal: That’s definitely the world-building I think we need to pay attention to, because it really is specific to King’s Landing. King’s Landing is like living near a military base. If you go down by San Diego, you see all this bizarre aircraft flying overhead, and all the people that aren’t from there are like, “Oh, that’s an Osprey! That’s amazing!” Other people are just like, “Yeah, that happens every day.” I think that’s the thing we were going for.

Certainly, there is a bit of a wink-wink, nudge-nudge. Miguel Sapochnik, who directed the episode, also directed “The Bells,” which was the last time we saw a dragon flying over a King’s Landing street like that. It didn’t end very well for the poor merchants and shopkeepers that were living on that street.

I reread the relevant parts of Fire & Blood, and the death of the baby, the “heir for a day,” is much more violent in the series than it is in the book. Why was that scene important?

Condal: Really, this particular story is Viserys’s story. It’s kicked off by him believing that he’s going to have a new male son after trying for years and years, and stillbirths and miscarriages, and all the hell that [his wife Queen Aemma] has been through as a mother. Finally the answer is going to come. He’s very confident and sure of it. Just like that, mother and son die in childbirth. Suddenly, everything changes and flips the chess table.

Martin: There’s a lot of opportunity for expansion. That’s what we’ll find a lot of in the series. [What] Ryan and his team of writers have been doing great so far is to do an expansion that does not contradict the book. I mean, you can add a lot of things. You can add scenes. You can even add some characters. But you can’t do anything that affects the structure—or otherwise, three or four books later, you’re going to be in trouble.

#grrm #asoiaf #twow #targies show #prophecies #once again targies suck at interpreting prophecies and prophetic dreams

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madam-melon-meow · 3 years

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Bisexual Kyoshi is something that can be so personal, actually

Panel edit by @flagellasturbation

[image I.D. : An edit of a comic panel of avatar Kyoshi. On the left in the image is a close-up of Kyoshi from the torso up, contained within an upside-down trapezoid shape. She wears her full battle uniform of olive and emerald robes, dark gloves and bracers, and a golden headpiece in a fan-like shape. Her eyes are the same emerald shade as her robes, she has black hair billowing to the left edge of the image, and her black eyebrows have been dramatically lengthened by black face paint. Her face and neck are artificially whitened with chalky makeup, she has black winged eyeliner, red eyeshadow that sweeps upwards to her temples and down the sides of her nose, and red lipstick outlined in black. This is the classic Kyoshi makeup. Her arms are crossed, the left arm behind her head pointing a golden fan away from the viewer, the right arm extended in front of her face, another golden fan pointed towards the viewer. She appears to be looking upwards and towards the right of the image. Above Kyoshi’s eye level and in the top right of the image is a comic text box. It reads in all caps: “even avatar Kyoshi- who by all accounts loved men and women- was unable to effect any kind of real progress.” The background art and color has been replaced with the Bisexual Flag, a thick horizontal line of pink on top, stopping at Kyoshi’s cheek level, then a thinner line of purple ending at her shoulders, and a thick line of blue that extends to the bottom of the image. End I.D.]

(If someone does not find my image I.D. sufficient, please let me know. This is my first time trying to make such a thing, as i am a lurker, not a poster)

Rise of Kyoshi by F.C. Yee, page 99 (text copy / pasted from the b&n ebook version)

““Are those . . . fire lilies?” he said, a wide, knowing grin spreading across his face.

Kyoshi flushed beet red. “Stop it,” she said.

“That’s right,” Yun said. “The Ember Island tourism minister brought a bunch when he visited two weeks ago. I can’t believe you simply shred the flowers once they dry out. I guess nothing goes to waste in this house.”

“Knock it off,” Kyoshi snapped. But it was too hard keeping the corners of her lips from curling upward.

“Knock what off?” he said, enjoying her reaction. “I’m just commenting on a fragrance I’ve come to particularly enjoy.”

It was an inside reference that only the two of them shared. Rangi didn’t know. She hadn’t been there in the gifting room eight months ago while Kyoshi arranged a vast quantity of fire lilies sent by an admiral in the Fire Navy, one of Hei-Ran’s friends.

Yun had spent the afternoon watching Kyoshi work. Against every scrap of her better judgment, she’d allowed him to lie down on the floor and rest his head in her lap while she plucked deformed leaves and trimmed stems to the right length. Had anyone caught the two of them like that, there would have been a scandal that not even the Avatar could have recovered from.

That day, entranced by Yun’s upside-down features dappled with the flower petals she’d teasingly sprinkled over his face, she’d almost leaned down and kissed him. And he knew it. Because he’d almost reached up and kissed her.

They never spoke of it afterward, the shared impulse that had nearly crashed both of their carriages. It was too . . . well, they each had their duties was a good way to put it. That moment did not fit anywhere among their responsibilities.

But since then, whenever the two of them were in the presence of fire lilies, Yun’s eyes would dart toward the flowers repeatedly until he was sure Kyoshi noticed. She would try unsuccessfully to keep a straight face, the heat coloring her neck, and he’d sigh as if to mourn what could have been.

Today was no different. With a wistful blush on his own cheeks, Yun stared her down until her defenses broke and she let out a giggle through her nose.

“There’s that beautiful smile,” he said. He pressed his heels into the floor, sliding up against the wall, and straightened his rumpled shirt. “Kyoshi, trust me when I say this: If it turns out not to be me, I’ll be glad it’s you.”

~~~~~~~~~

Rise of Kyoshi by F.C. Yee, page 210 (text copy / pasted from the b&n ebook version)

“You think you don’t deserve peace and happiness and good things, but you do!” Rangi yelled. “You, Kyoshi! Not the Avatar, but you!”

She closed the distance and wrapped her arms around Kyoshi’s waist. The embrace was a clever way to hide her face.

“Do you have any idea how painful it’s been for me to follow you on this journey where you’re so determined to punish yourself?” she said. “Watching you treat yourself like an empty vessel for revenge, when I’ve known you since you were a servant girl who couldn’t bend a pebble? The Avatar can be reborn. But you can’t, Kyoshi. I don’t want to give you up to the next generation. I couldn’t bear to lose you.”

Kyoshi realized she’d had it all wrong. Rangi was a true believer. But her greatest faith had been for her friends, not her assignment. She pulled Rangi in closer. She thought she heard a slight, contented sigh come from the other girl.

“I wish I could give you your due,” Rangi muttered after some time had passed. “The wisest teachers. Armies to defend you. A palace to live in.”

Kyoshi raised an eyebrow. “The Avatar gets a palace?”

“No, but you deserve one.”

“I don’t need it,” Kyoshi said. She smiled into Rangi’s hair, the soft strands caressing her lips. “And I don’t need an army. I have you.”

Psh,” Rangi scoffed. “A lot of good I’ve been so far. If I were better at my job you would never feel scared. Only loved. Adored by all.”

Kyoshi gently nudged Rangi’s chin upward. She could no more prevent herself from doing this than she could keep from breathing, living, fearing.

“I do feel loved,” she declared.

Rangi’s beautiful face shone in reflection. Kyoshi leaned in and kissed her.

A warm glow mapped Kyoshi’s veins. Eternity distilled in a single brush of skin. She thought she would never be more alive than now.

And then—

The shock of hands pushing her away. Kyoshi snapped out of her trance, aghast.

Rangi had flinched at the contact. Repelled her. Viscerally, reflexively.

Oh no. Oh no.

This couldn’t—not after everything they’d been through—this couldn’t be how it—

Kyoshi shut her eyes until they hurt. She wanted to shrink until she vanished within the cracks of the earth. She wanted to become dust and blow away in the wind.

But the sound of laughter pulled her back. Rangi was coughing, drowning herself with her own tears and mirth. She caught her breath and retook Kyoshi by the hips, turning to the side, offering up the smooth, unblemished skin of her throat.

“That side of my face is busted up, stupid,” she whispered in the darkness. “Kiss me where I’m not hurt.”

~~~~~

I include both these quotes because i've seen a few posts about the “gigantic lesbian” avatar, and although i am glad my sapphic sisters feel connected to Kyoshi (as well they should!), that doesn't mean i wish to simply be quiet on the matter of her textual bisexuality. I understand that not everyone has read her novels, nor has everyone read legend of Korra comics, but Kyoshi is *textually* bisexual.

Kyoshi had a loving romantic relationship with her firebending friend Rangi, but this does not erase her feelings for her earthbending friend Yun, even if neither of them were able to properly express it due to their respective “status”. (For context if you haven’t read, the masters believed that Yun was the avatar, and though he was bodyguarded by Rangi, and though Kyoshi was his servent, the three of them were simiar ages and thus close friends until the discovery of Kyoshi’s true ability destroyed their former lives). Hell, Kyoshi and Rangi do not become intimate until after fleeing their former lives. Who is to say what would have happened, had Yun not been captured by father glowworm ?

I know that there is a chance you will scoff at this, will write this off as comphet, accuse me of disproportionately weighting an almost-kiss with a true relationship, but these above quotes (as well as the comic panel from “the legend of korra: turf wars- part 1”) serve as proof that Kyoshi, “by all accounts loved men and women” (see panel directly below)

[image I.D. : the same comic panel as the edit above, this one without the bisexual flag edited in. Directly behind Kyoshi, within the upside-down trapezoid shape, is an olive to lime gradient, darker around her head and lighter near the bottom. Around and to the right in the image, outside of the trapezoid, is an aerial shot of buildings within an Earth Kingdom city, and what appears to be the lines of troops on the ground far below. the text box in the image is the same, but I have underlined the word “men” in blue, the word “and” in purple, and the word “women” in pink, to reflect the bisexual flag. End I.D.]

I am making such a big deal over this because Kyoshi is a massive figure, her long shadow cast over Aang’s life alongside Roku’s, and even before her novels came out there were often jokes about her “bloodthirsty” nature. I implore you to read the novels and see why Kyoshi believed in deadly justice at times, but also so you can see what a dynamic, loving, and beautiful character she is.

Some members of fandom have taken a “step on me” attitude towards Kyoshi, who has, even if the 7 feet tall thing is more fanon than canon, been explicitly described as “exceptionally tall”, and “towering” over others. This “strong woman who will break me and I thank them” attitude is one that butch &/or physically imposing sapphics, as well as trans women with similar statures to Kyoshi have expressed discomfort when applied to themselves and characters like them. I would love for more people to acknowledge her flaws and multi-faceted nature, that she is more than a “warrior goddess”, just as Aang is more than a living relic. Flattening her out to the easily-fetishable parts erases the depth of her character and the complexity of circumstances that led to the instances of deadly force.

There are very few bisexual characters in media, especially women, and especially in children’s media. Bisexual women have often been caricatured as loose, promiscuous, good for a threesome and not much else. (This is mot to say that i think any lesser of my fellow bisexuals who are proudly promiscious, nor can an actual live bisexual person be considered a stereotype for living their life, but media’s portayal of us as obsessed with desire is incredibly harmful). Knowing that a strong, beautiful, and important character in the avatar universe is a bisexual woman is amazing, even more so to have her first lady-love described in the novels with such care. F. C. Yee, the author of these novels, has my eternal gratitude. I sincerely hope that the new generation of fans, whether they are drawn to the cartoon or even the hypothetical live action show, will pick up these novels and discover the kind of bisexual character that I wish existed in my early days as a reader, and if a small fraction of them resonate with Kyoshi’s reciprocal on Yun and love for Rangi, then the world becomes a little bit brighter for it.

I mentioned her importance for the simple reason that Kyoshi IS important with the text of ATLA. As one of the avatars, she is one of the most historically important figures in that universe, one of the few avatars that Aang knows by name, and one of the only avatars to speak through his body. The fact that she has two whole novels to herself testifies to that effect, making her bisexual representation all the more important than a simple background character might be.

If or when the ATLA live action tv show occurs, we can expect some mention of Kyoshi. After all, there is a whole episode dedicated to exploring one of her missions, and the way that the descendants of her enemy have recolored history. It is my sincere desire that enough discussion is made about her canon bisexuality , that fandom trumphets it from the roof with as much force as crackshipping zukka, that when she does make it to the screen, there is some subtle nod in her bisexuality’s direction, even if it is something as meta as casting a bisexual actress for her. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

edit by @flagellasturbation

[image I.D. : An edit of a comic panel of avatar Kyoshi. This is like the first image, Kyoshi and the text box of the comic panel untouched, the background color and art replaced with the bisexual flag. However, this version has the words “by all accounts” blown up large and placed diagonally in the image, directly under Kyoshi’s face and stretching from one side of the image to the other. The bottom third of the image is similarly obscured, the words “men” , “and” , “women” blown up large enough to fill the panel and cover most of Kyoshi’s torso, as well as the purple and blue areas of the background flag. End I.D.]

#Avatar Kyoshi #Rangi #Yun #The Rise of Kyoshi #The Shadow of Kyoshi #father glowworm #bisexual

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bffsoobin · 4 years

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Windflower

01|02|03|04|05|06

↳ after a heartbreak you find yourself in a small town looking for purpose. you find employment with Choi Soobin and his impressive ancestral home. when you start to fall in love again, there’s no way for you to predict what you find in the depths of the home and Soobin’s mind.

➤ hanahaki au, angst, slight fluff, dark themes

Word Count:6,881

Warnings: swearing, descriptions of sickness and feeling generally unwell, mentions of doctors/medical treatments, deception, descriptions of anxiety/panic, horror, pain, major character death, general dark themes! Please proceed with caution if you’re sensitive! (also I did not proof read)

A/N:excuse my language; but holy fuck. I cannot believe this is the end of Windflower. This is insane. Windflower is my passion project, and the desire to write it is half the reason I opened my account on here. While it hasn’t been the most popular writing on my blog, I have been really really proud of it. Thank you to everyone who has been reading and supporting this since the beginning! I love you all!

•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•☾☼☽•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:••:•.•

Soobin sat with his head dipped toward the dark wooden dining table. He was scrolling through what appeared to be a website for a plant nursery; as if he needed more within the home. You were sitting opposite of him, peeking over the top of your laptop where you were pretending to read an article on the ten best shows coming to Netflix this fall. Following the night of your drunken rage, the two of you had patched up your relationship as well as you possibly could. You’d traded apologies, talked it out over a store-bought cheesecake and moved on.

At least, you assumed he had. He acted as if you hadn’t accused him of being some type of fraud and proclaimed that you could no longer trust him. Everything was eerily the same, despite Soobin’s increased caution around you in certain settings. Gone were the days of him laying a hand on your back as you cooked or resting his head on your shoulder while you both dozed off on the couch.

You should have been grateful for his physical distance. Happy that he was giving you the room you had hinted at needing on that night a few weeks ago. Instead you were annoyed. Frustrated at the way you craved to feel his comforting touch even though you knew it would only bring you more pain in the end. For a while, you worried that his avoidance meant he had seen the evidence of your stupidity floating within the toilet bowl, but you knew Soobin well enough to know that he would have talked to you about it. Right? He would have brought it up; although slowly and with extreme caution, and asked you what he could do to help. He had proven himself to be mature and thoughtful, even after you’d tried to push him away.

He finally stirred in his seat across the table. You could actually hear a few of his bones crack with the movement and you stifled a laugh.

“What’s so funny?” He tried to sound intimidating, but his voice was so inherently soft around the edges that you couldn’t hold back the laugh.

“You’re just an old man,” you were poking at him, you knew, but it felt good. You felt normal. Almost like you were back to the time when the two of you were truly just friends. He planted both of his large, vascular hands flat on the table and leaned his weight forward.

“I’m an old man? You do know we’re the same age, Y/N. So if I’m so old...” he paused for dramatic affect as you stared up at him in amused awe. “Then you must be ancient.”

An offended gasp, obviously feigned, slipped between your lips; which you now noticed you’d chewed raw as you were thinking earlier.

“How dare you? I am the epitome of youth! My hair is flowing, my skin is flawless,” you pointed to a blemish on your chin you knew for a fact you’d had for days. “My youthful beauty is unmatched, can’t you tell?” You weren’t sure where your sudden good mood had come from but you basked in it. Even as Soobin used his hands as leverage to lean closer to your face, you didn’t budge. You couldn’t. This close up, you could spot every single little freckle on his face. The dynamic shades of his irises became more and more distinct until he finally stopped advancing toward you. It was easily the closest the two of you had been in weeks.

“Hm, you’re right. I can tell. There’s something about you...” he squinted his eyes as if he were scrutinizing your every feature. “You are beautiful, Y/N.”

The sentence brought an unwanted visceral reaction through your body. It was too much like a confession, too close to the exact words you needed to hear from him. A shooting pain rippled through your heart. You shuddered out an exhale, shutting your eyes tight as if that would stave away the pain. In a blind panic, you pushed away from the solid table and made to put as much distance between yourself and Soobin as possible. Then your migraine hit, the feeling like someone had stuck a red hot iron rod behind both of your eyes. Fuck. On top of that pain, a cough worked its way up your throat, producing a petal into your mouth that was slimy and bitter.

You only made it two and a half steps before your knees gave out, sending you hurtling toward the floor in a free fall. Sticking your hands out just before the impact, you accepted the fact that you were about to get a concussion out of your own inability to properly distance yourself from an unrequited love. But the sensitive skin of your face never bounced off of the original hardwood flooring you had once drooled over.

“Y/N?” Soobin was panicked, stooped down next to you as he had managed to barely break your fall and turn you around to lay on your back. Your vision was still swimming, but you cracked open your eyes very slowly.

‘What’s wrong? Do you need to go to a doctor?”

“No,” you croaked out, “was just a migraine.” Soobin scoffed.

“I’ve never seen anyone nearly pass out from just a migraine, Y/N. And in all the months I’ve known you, you’ve never-”

“I’m fine.” You asserted, sitting up as well as you could with his arms wrapped protectively around your shoulders. “They used to happen the last time I- uh, when I was in college. It’s okay, they’ll pass.” You were lying right through your teeth. The last time you had a migraine this badly, your then roommate had rushed you to the emergency room and discovered that you had hanahaki. There was no doubt that history was repeating itself.

“Okay.” He was frowning, obviously unconvinced as he pushed a hand against your lower back. “At least let me help you upstairs.”

----

The migraine either dissipates or you simply become accustomed to it. The petal you had coughed into a tissue when you first reached your room had dried, sitting on your bedside table in its perfect little form to mock you. You were so disgusted that you couldn’t even bring yourself to throw it away. No longer sensitive to light, you shrugged out from underneath your sheets and stretched your limbs until they cracked. A dull thumping was still present at the base of your skull; a reminder of what you’d just suffered. A sickly feeling of anxiety passed through you like a breeze, making the hair on the back of your neck stand to attention. Soobin was clearly not convinced by your insistence that your sudden ailment was nothing of concern. And he was right. In all the time you’d been around him, you never once experienced a spell quite like that, so how was he supposed to not be suspicious?

Although, you had to hold onto hope that he truly didn’t know any better. It seemed as though he was blissfully ignorant to the truth behind your sickness, and you’d like to keep it that way. For as long as you possibly could, anyway.

You hadn’t even noticed that you were pacing across the floor until you landed your weight onto a particularly squeaky board that sounded ridiculous in the otherwise quiet room. Freezing on the spot, you held your breath for some reason you truly couldn’t explain. Of course, there was no logical reason to do so, and the action only resulted in your lungs contracting violently. Your upper body shuddered as you opened your mouth instantly. Holding your breath for just a few seconds should have been a simple task, but to your weakened heart and lungs it felt like running a whole marathon uphill.

Buckling over, you heaved in mouthfuls of oxygen until your heart rate dropped back down to a normal rate. Add shortness of breath to your growing list of signs that should send you running for the nearest clinic. If you weren’t so foolishly attached to the man who was probably worrying about you downstairs, you would have already been booking yourself an appointment.

It just seemed totally inconceivable, even in your predicament, to leave Soobin behind within his ancestral house that surely felt horridly empty being lived in alone. You would sooner walk over lava barefoot than put him through that. It was stupid. So incredibly stupid, but you were literally willing to put your life on the line just to look after Soobin. He had really weaseled himself deep into your psyche. But you knew you were to blame for holding the door wide open. He had done so much for you, surely you could do him to kindness of sticking around as long as you possibly could.

So you trudged down the steps like you did every day, expecting to come face to face with an overly worried and doting young man standing in the kitchen or living room awaiting your arrival. But the lower level of the house was oddly silent when you descended the steps. The low hum of the washer and dryer running were the only indications that someone beside yourself was even there. Curiosity spiking, you made your way to the vacant living room to peer out of the windows. It was a bit hard to see him from this angle, but you spotted Soobin lounging on the back deck, skin browning in the sun and eyes closed in content. His arms were tucked behind his head, effectively lengthening his torso and giving you a full view of the sliver of skin that was peeking out between the top of his waistband and the bottom of the white cotton t-shirt You noticed that he was once again wearing the outfit he was donning when you first arrived at the front gate weeks ago. Although the outfit was simple and generally unremarkable, you would never forget the way your heart lurched at the sight of his lithe body the first time. The warm pull of nostalgia nagged at the back of your mind, so you selfishly let yourself sink into its embrace and recall the trepidation you had once approached the grounds with.

Soobin had charmed you so easily with his windswept hair and boyish charm that it was a shock you didn’t begin to grow flowers for him the first time you met. To be fair, the version of you who had rolled into town almost two months prior was much more cautious than the version you were now familiar with. Part of you missed that version of you; who was simply drifting through life, unattached to anyone and looking for a new spot to plant her roots. But you knew you weren’t built to live like that, as your attachment to Soobin had proven wholeheartedly.

Suddenly, you felt a lurching in your chest that didn’t necessarily hurt you; but urged you to go outside and talk to Soobin. A subconscious pull that reminded you that your body craved his attention just as much as your mind did. The weather was beautiful today, a pleasant temperature that made your skin feel like it was glowing as soon as you were under the sun. As soon as you stepped onto the porch, Soobin whipped his head around in your direction. Cutely, he scrambled to sit up, hair frizzy from the static of the Adirondack chair he had been lounging on.

“Are you feeling better?” A warm hand encased the left side of your face, Soobin’s sloped nose just inches away from yours as his speckled eyes studied every single pore and line on your face.

“Uh- I’m-” his proximity was making your jittery, heart rate spiking as you tried to collect your thoughts. “I feel better. The migraine is gone.” You ignored the way the same dull ache from earlier was beginning to seep into the edges of your brain.

“Oh, good!” A rush of his breath blew over your sensitive skin, sending your eyelids into a flutter. When he removed his hand, you felt oddly cold and empty despite the heat of the atmosphere. “Look, I don’t want you to do any work around the house until you’re feeling better. And I can call my doctor to get you in for a-”

“No!” The word jumped off of your tongue before you could reign it in; rudely cutting Soobin off as his eyes widened in shock. He shifted his weight as his eyebrows knit together in worry. You licked your lips- suddenly dry- and tried to collect the thoughts that were running laps in your mind. How could you possibly explain that going to the doctor would be a grave mistake and mark the end of your companionship.

“You don’t want to go to the doctor? I promise he’s really nice, Y/N, and he can get you medicine for your migraines.” His perfect lips were pulled into a worried pout, a thin sheen of sweat glazing his skin only exemplifying his perfect complexion.

“No, it’s just that...when I had them before they ran a bunch of tests,” you were hedging the truth and you knew it, but hopefully Soobin couldn’t tell the difference, “and there was nothing they could give me to help them. So a doctor would just be, ya know, a waste of time.” The skin on the back of your neck was heated in worry as you shot Soobin what you hoped was a convincing grin.

“Okay.” He was still frowning but he seemed to believe you. “Just please let me know if you want to go. I don’t want you to be miserable. And you’re still not doing any yard work,” he grasped your bicep and led you over to the chair he had just been lying in. His grip was strong as he gave you no choice but to sit down and relax. The plastic was heated from the sunshine and the heat of his body as you settled in and looked up at him, blinking slowly.

“I’m not gonna break, Soobin. I can handle watering the plants and doing some cleaning inside. You are not going to wait on me hand and foot.” You put some fire in your tone, hoping to edge away the anxiety you were feeling creep up the back of your throat. Having the exact person who sent your body on a fight against itself watching over you like a mother cat watches its kittens would surely put you six feet under.

Soobin’s eyes steeled as he crossed his arms over his broad, defined chest. “No, Y/N. I am going to wait on you, because you’ve spent so much time waiting on me, and you deserve to have someone take care of you. Please let me take care of you, bub.” You were speechless at the strength of his voice coupled with the nickname he had only used in a teasing manner prior to this moment. The longer you stared at the toned muscle of his arms crossed over the widest part of his torso, the more your throat began to tickle with the insistence of soft, red petals that were looking for an escape. Panicked, you looked away quickly, coughing as softly as you can to hopefully pass the action off as simply swallowing down the wrong pipe. Just when you think the moment has passed, an unwavering push at the back of your throat had you involuntarily gagging. Soobin sprung into action, patting a large hand between your shoulder blades as if he were burping an infant. He was calling your name, pulling some strands of your hair away from your face in a bid to get your attention; but you ignored him. Your stomach rolled, the pressure in your lungs and heart only increasing at his touch that you tried to shrug off.

Eventually the muscles of your esophagus stopped constricting and fresh oxygen could flow back into your crowded lungs. Hot tears slipped down your cheeks and you wiped at them in embarrassment, hiding your face from Soobin’s intensified gaze. You could only imagine what he was thinking right now; as you’d just went from insisting you had no need for a doctor to dry heaving over the side of his deck furniture. The thought had you shrinking into yourself even more. He was going to catch on eventually, wasn’t he? Fuck. You couldn’t avoid this much longer. The evidence of your disease was only mounting and Soobin was more observant than ever before.

“Y/N.” The call of your name brought you, slowly, out of your own mind. “Look at me.” The words could not have been any clearer, yet you shook your head like a petulant child. He sighed. “Please, I’m worried about you. Please let me take care of you. I can’t,” he stopped and you could hear him swallow clearly. Was that a sniffle? Your heart clenched in response. “I can’t sit here and watch you hurt.”

Still ashamed, you raised your head from your hands and stared out over the yard instead of facing him. You didn’t think your stuttering heart would survive seeing his expression in this supercharged moment. You’d sooner drop dead than see Soobin crying over you.

“Okay,” you acquiesced, mind already running in the direction of a backup plan, “I’m sorry, Soobin. You’re right. I do need you to look after me. Just please.” you swallowed, tasting the oddly earthy tang of flower petals on your tongue. “No doctors. You have to promise me.” Finally turning your body to face his, your earlier suspicions were confirmed.

Your heart constricted painfully at the sight of him, eyes rimmed red and watery with unshed tears and a line of worry creasing the soft skin of his forehead harshly. “Fine.” He huffed, clearly displeased with your stipulation but willing to make the sacrifice.

“Thank you,” the words were whispered, caught in a sudden gust of wind, but he heard them nonetheless and sent you a small nod.

“Of course.”

----

Soft sunlight filtered through the flowy white curtains hanging over the windows of the library. You weren’t sure why you hadn’t spent much time in this little haven since you moved in. Soobin’s cousin had filled it with plush armchairs laden with soft fleece blankets and the most comfortable throw pillows you’d ever felt. The books were certainly outdated, but you found some classics that satisfied the itch for escape you had begun to cultivate. Currently, you were flipping through a vintage illustrated coffee table book- the front page tells you it was made in 1962- that gave diagrams and names of all types of flowers. You shouldn’t have been surprised to find this type of literature here, as Soobin himself had admitted to learning the meanings of flowers in his free time.

The pages were delicate, so you flipped them carefully, fingers tracing over the edges that felt like they might melt between the oil of your skin. As you turned onto a new page a brightly colored sticky note, not unlike the ones you used to mark up textbooks, drew your attention toward the flower it was attached to. You recognized the flower as jasmine immediately, familiar with the patch of it that weaved among its neighbors in the garden. Brushing the sticky note aside, you read the delicate cursive underneath it: eternal and unconditional love. Cute. The image of a younger Soobin thumbing through the book, tongue pushed out in concentration as he researched warmed your heart.

A tremor of weakness passed through your arm, making your hand shake. A feeling of dread- which you desperately tried to push down- reminded you of just how much worse your condition had become. You had noticed it lately, the way you felt much more faint than normal, how much more often you had to take a moment to catch your breath, the way your whole body would shake when you cough up a mix of blood and petals into the sink.

But for now, you chose to lose yourself in this book and the newfound hunt for Soobin’s sticky notes of interest. You had to skip a few pages before you found the next ones; two bundled together in the upper left corner of the page marked off forget-me-nots and begonias. Gently lifting the sticky notes revealed the meanings behind these flowers, also featured in the backyard, to be true love and deep compassion and communication or connection, respectively. Curiosity mounting, you continued to flip through the weighty book. At first, you began to think that maybe the three notes you’d already found were all that lived within the forgotten book. As you neared the end, your eyes caught on two more, this time on opposite ends of the page. One partially covered an illustration of a snapdragon, the other highlighting the small flowers of a buttercup. Your nails caught on the edge of the blue paper as you lifted it. Buttercups: neatness and innocence. The definition made sense, calling back to memory the way your former best friend had coughed up a handful of the pale yellow flowers when you were just children. She was easily the most pure and innocent person you’d ever met, and given the matching nature of the boy who’d also been secretly pining over her; you couldn’t think of a more perfect example of the type of flower representing the relationship.

You wondered if Soobin had chosen and planted these flowers with the image of the relationships they’re indicative of in mind. The snapdragon’s description was totally covered by the sticky note; so you nearly had to pry the whole thing off before you could see the cursive. Deception. The word stared back at you. It seemed very out of place among the other markings that Soobin had made. You knew for a fact that a tall, thick patch of snapdragons were growing proudly in the garden, among all the other flowers with soft, beautiful meanings. Interesting. You would consider the fact that Soobin was only drawn to their aesthetics, but the way the drawing was marked with the same enthusiasm as the others was certainly curious.

You decided that you were thinking way too far into this. For all you knew, the snapdragons were simply planted by someone in his family and he had gone looking for their meaning. Nearing the end of the book, you were simply skimming over the book. Your eyes were starting to get tired, fatigue dancing under your skin as you considered taking a nap right there. On the final, yellowed page of the flower identification book, you spotted something alarmingly familiar. A red flower whose petals fade into a pure white near the stem. The exact same petals that had been crawling up your throat and ruining the little bit of safety you’d found within Soobin’s home.

Suddenly on high alert, you sat up straight, eyes watering as you finally focused enough to comprehend the definition. The red windflower. Death and forsaken love. Your throat went completely dry, heart dropping down to your stomach. The petals pushed against the soft flesh of the inside of your throat, scratching at the back of your tongue as a harsh reinforcement of what you were reading. Death? Surely you had joked with yourself that you felt as if you were dying, but was that not just because you hadn’t seen a doctor?

A new gagging cough slipped past your lips, consuming your senses totally as you focused on not spewing a mix of blood, spit and flower petals onto the surely expensive leather chair. Finally, you collapsed back in the chair, chest heaving, book laid open on your lap. Fresh tears brimmed your eyes. You needed to leave. As much as you desired to stay around Soobin and bask in his company, you were becoming increasingly worried for your life. You had to find a way to get him out of the house long enough for you to pack up the essentials and flee the house. It would hurt. It would hurt so bad, but nothing could be worse than the message of doom that your body was giving you. Loving Soobin would literally put you in an early grave.

“Hey, Y/N, you okay?” Soobin’s voice came cautiously from somewhere behind you and you jumped, clasping the book shut quickly.

“I’m-” you tried, voice too wrecked from coughing to continue. You cleared your throat, ignoring the painful pinch that created and tried again. “I’m okay. But I was wondering if you’d do me a favor?” Thinking on your feet had your head spinning, and you hoped he couldn’t sense the waver in your voice as you spoke.

He approached slowly, sitting himself on an armchair opposite of you. The knees of his jeans were stained brown with dirt, a sight not uncommon after his time in the garden. He pushed a hand through his mussed up hair. It was a nervous tick, you knew, and you felt awful for worrying him. Maybe it was better if you left after all.

“Could you go out to Hank’s and get me a Smore’s sundae? I would drive myself but...” a vague gesture over your generally unwell body made the point clear. “I know it’s pretty far out of town but I’ve been craving one since the first time we went.”

“Of course. I’m done outside, I can go. Are you sure you’ll be okay alone? I’ll be out for probably like 40 minutes to get all the way there and back.”

“Yes, Soobin. I can still handle myself alone. I’m not that sick.” The irony of the statement was not lost on you, but it seemed to have placated him enough for him to slip on his shoes and leave the house. As soon as he was gone, you threw yourself off of the chair. Your heart rate had been in a constant state of increase for weeks, but you just had to just push through it for now.

In a flurry of packing that was all too familiar to the way you left your college apartment, you began to gather your things. You felt a twinge of guilt for leaving behind some of your things for Soobin to contend with, but you had to push it aside in favor of working quickly. All of your personal items, chargers, enough clothing for two weeks, toiletries and any money you’d brought along with you were stuffed into your trusty tote bag. You took one last sweeping look around the room, anxiety licking at the back of your neck as you feared you were running out of time. Many of your dressers were still full and you had left the bed a mess but your most important items were tucked underneath your arm securely; and that was enough for you.

As you descended the stairs, you tried to ignore the way you wobbled dangerously down them until you finally got to the bottom level of the house. A bittersweet feeling rose in your chest as you surveyed the kitchen where you’d cooked and baked so many times. The living room beckoned you with similar memories of taking naps in the sunshine and watching your favorite films. A stray tear you didn’t know was welling up made a hot streak down your face before dripping off of your skin. No matter how much it hurt, you had to keep moving. The floor creaked familiarly under your feet as you approached the front door. The handle was cold under your fingers as you twisted, but the satisfying creak and rush of fresh air that you were expecting never came. You tried again, but the door didn’t budge. Locked. Okay, that made sense. Neither of you really used the front door, so of course it was locked up. Leaning down to inspect the doorknob, you realized that the age of the home meant that you would need a skeleton key to slip into the door and crack it open.

Slightly annoyed, you took a deep, steadying breath and headed for the backdoor. You would have to walk further to get to your car; but the back door should be unlocked, considering Soobin had just left out of it. With more fervor, you gripped the door knob and twisted, just to be met with the same resistance the front door gave. A flash of hot panic consumed you as you jiggled the handle again, just in case it would make any difference. Soobin must have locked it out of habit when he left, and you knew for a fact that he had the only key-as far as you knew- with him out at Hank’s. Blindly, you grabbed for your cellphone before realizing how useless that would truly be. No one knew you were here. You didn’t have any other friends in town, and it’s not like you could call the police to come help you without Soobin finding out. Sweaty palms made your phone nearly slip from your grip as your mind worked in overdrive.

“Okay.” you whispered to yourself, “where would he keep spare keys?” Rifling through a mental list of all the nooks and crannies of the home, a sudden realization hit you. That room upstairs where you had hit your head! That would explain why the room seemed oddly clean, and it was feasible to believe that what you mistook for an AC unit was actually a safe of some kind. Back up the steps you went, heart thumping in a rhythm that was surely unhealthy for someone as young as yourself.

When you finally got to the room, you found the mismatched furniture exactly where you left it. Soobin had clearly made no effort to move back the dresser or the table that you’d begun to slide out of the way; only making your mission so much easier.

For the first time today, you had luck when you pulled at the handle of something. Up close, you seemed to be clearly looking at some kind of built in storage compartment, made of a light metal and easily accessed by a small pull lever. Your fingers slipped as you swung the door open, excitement rising at the prospect of being correct about the keeping place of the keys.

As fast as the excitement and relief had risen, they were quelled and buried deep underneath a wash of confusion. Within the confines of the compartment, you were faced with... flowers. In the middle, acting as some sort of centerpiece, was a pressed snapdragon stem. An entire cluster of flowers, attached firmly to a greened stem was propped up on a small stand; shrink wrapped in protective plastic. Something about the sight was oddly familiar. The stem was cut so perfectly across, completely unlike the way a garden sheer or someone breaking off the plant would present. A memory surfaced to the top of your mind, recalling the first time you’d had your flowers removed. It was cut in the exact same manner; with the precision only a surgical tool could make. Although you’d tried to bury the whole process in a dusty corner of your mind, you did remember your doctor offering the option to take the removed flower home. It had appalled and confused you, but it was clear that that was the source of this exact flower.

“What the fuck?” you whispered, catching sight of an almost unrecognizable sharpie scribbled on the corner. CS. Initials? Oh god. CS. Choi Soobin. Your hand recoiled as if you’d been burned, the feeling of bile raising toward your tongue. He had told you that he never grew flowers, so what the hell was this? Why would he keep this a secret? Hurt and panic joined hands and wreaked havoc on your nervous system. You could barely think straight. Was this his...trophy case?

When you shifted on your feet, you spotted a small envelope resting behind the stand. A sick feeling of curiosity had you reaching for it. At this point, you had no idea what to expect as your fingers stick to the material thanks to the sweat permeating your body. It takes a few tries, but once you finally get the envelope slipped open, you can’t tell what you’re looking at. The lighting was too awkward, so you dumped the contents out onto the surface of the compartment. You weren’t sure what you were expecting to see; but it certainly wasn’t this. Dozens of flower petals, dried and shrink wrapped in the same fashion as the haunting centerpiece spilled out in front of you. The smooth metal surface sent them all skidding, so it took you a second to get the whole picture. The first one to catch your eye was a white, pointed petal that you could easily identify as jasmine with the same handwritten pair of letters on one corner. YJ. Another protected petal, this one the tell tale purple-blue of a forget me not bore the letters SA. In fact, you could match every single one of these petals to a flower you had been fawning over in the garden since your arrival.

One that had scattered toward the back of the case seemed to compel you even though you couldn’t quite see it. You reached for it blindly, bringing a few, clearly much older flowers forward with it. Sifting through them only struck more and more fear into you. Every instinct you had was telling you to run, scream, pound on a window until you could bust out. Soobin was clearly not all he had claimed to be. But a dark, twisted side of yourself you didn’t know existed wanted to sift through all of the petals and match them up with the garden you’d cared for. Resting at the bottom of the pile in your hand, you finally came across the petal you’d initially reached for.

It was about the size of a penny; red, fading into a simple white at the bottom. This was it. This was the exact petal that you’d spit out onto your bedside table after your first awful migraine. Now that you thought about it, you never did throw it out. You were too disgusted to even face the flora that haunted you.

Your heart stopped. The sharpie on this flower was smudged, as if he had been in too much of a hurry to let it dry. Your initials were there, clear as day. He had collected your flower for his sick collection. He had collected...you.

The little happy world you had built yourself came crashing down like a ton of bricks. If he had done this to you, then surely all of these other petals came from others who had come to work and live with him. You recalled an early discussion about family tradition as you thumbed over a group of much more withered looking flowers.

This was the family tradition.

Alarms blared in your mind. Get out, your mind urged faster than your feet could move. Tripping over yourself, you hoped that Soobin wasn’t home yet, as you had no idea how to get out of the home. Your feet pounded noisily on the hardwood but that was the very least of your worries. Skidding into the kitchen, your blood ran cold.

Soobin.

“Hey,” his voice was smooth, unwavering as he leaned against the sink nursing a bottle of water. On the island there was a brown paper bag with Hank’s logo printed on the front. “There’s your ice cream.”

You didn’t know what to do. Clearly, you had been caught red handed with a tote bag in hand and anxious sweat rolling down your face.

“Oh, uh. Thanks.” The room sat creepily still as Soobin’s eyes, devoid of any clear emotion, roved over you. He quirked an eyebrow as he pushed himself off of the counter. You couldn’t move, even as he stalked closer.

“What happened to you resting? You’re sick.” He had asked a question but it seemed clear we really wasn’t looking for an answer.

“I just-” your words turned into a gasp as Soobin gripped your shoulder so hard that it hurt. Gone were the usually careful caresses of his fingers as he pushed you backwards. With your body already weak it only took one wrong step for you to be sent flying toward the floor. On instinct, you tried to grab onto Soobin’s solid body for support, but he stepped back and watched you fall, bouncing the back of your head off of the floor hard enough to go limp. Consciousness came and went as you struggled to do anything in the name of self defense. Your lungs and heart were too compromised to acquire and pump the nutrients your body needed. Soobin crouched over you, studying you with a passive look on his face.

“Ya know,” he sighed, pulling the tote bag away from your body. “I really did like you. I hoped to have spent some more time with you, but you’re just,” he clicked his tongue, grabbing you firmly by the ankles and giving an experimental tug. You slid along the floor easily. “So. Nosy. Too nosy for your own good.”

“Soobin, you’re not- this isn’t-” a dark chuckle passed between his lips. The ones you once dreamed of.

“You don’t know me. This is exactly who I am, Y/N. This is who my whole family is.” He dropped your ankles harshly, secure in the fact that you were too weak to get up. A shroud of darkness filled your head as you grayed out from the panic. When you awoke again, it was to the sound of birds chirping. It hurt to open your eyes but you did it anyway, spotting Soobin just above you, wielding a shovel.

He smiled down at you, deceivingly handsome, as he stuck the shovel into the pliant ground just to your side. Looking to your left, you spotted a freshly dug shallow grave and your blood ran cold at the recognition that he must have been digging this earlier in the day when you were reading.

“Please, don’t do this.” you begged with the last of your energy. “Soobin, please. I- I love you.” Desperation had you spitting out your deepest secrets in a bid to catch his attention and change his behavior.

“Awe,” he crooned, grabbing onto your wrists with a grip that would certainly bruise your delicate skin. “I know.” One sharp movement had you landing on your back in the dirt, several feet below ground level. The impact pushed all the air out of your compromised lungs and you didn’t even have the semblance to lift your head and scream to anyone listening. Soobin stood above you, blocking the sun from your view as he dropped something onto you. It took you a few moments, but you soon realized he had dropped a handful of red windflower petals and seeds onto your front. You shuddered. This is surely what had happened to all the other people who carried the flowers you’d found. This was how Soobin kept his beautiful garden. Sacrifice.

Wordlessly, he piled shovel fulls of dirt on top of your body. With your eyes slipping shut, all you could do was feel the weight of being buried alive consume you.

----

Soobin hated the winter. It was too long, too cold, too boring. He usually spent the whole time holed up in his home, dreaming of the day the weather warms.

Finally, finally, after months of waiting the time had come. An early summer breeze pushed his hair out of his face. This season he had decided to go for a purple color that seemed to suit his complexion well. Sitting on his favorite deck chair, he gazed out at the beginnings of his blooming garden. All of the usuals had cropped up, but it was with great pride and delight that Soobin regarded the patch of red windflowers that had begun to grow. For their first season, they were going strong, covering almost the entire plot of land he had allowed them. For a while, he had been worried that the new plants wouldn’t perform well, since he’d never dealt with them before. But he was quite proud.

As he sipped from a frosty glass of lemonade, he heard the distant crunch of his driveway gravel. It had been almost a year since the last time he heard it, but his heart jumped in excitement. Stretching his limbs, he began a lazy meander toward the front gate; already making out the slight static of the speaker as someone spoke into it, introducing themselves and asking if they were in the right place. Clearing his throat, he rounds to corner to the great iron gate surrounded by his guarding trees and glances back at his garden. Then he advanced, opening the gate as he came and beckoning his new guest inside the boundaries of his property.

“Hi! I’m Soobin. This house belonged to my great-great-uncle and his wife. Well, wives.”

tag list: @unlocktxt @magicisland9-34 @givethnofucketh @yeonjjuniverse

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sanktaleksander · 3 years

Note

Id like to hear you talk more about your thoughts on s2 of the punisher bc it also made me very upset

I’m honestly surprised anybody cares about my opinion because my fics are, in my estimation at least, rather out of character. I also don’t generally dive deep into the storytelling elements themselves, I’m more interested in exploring stuff in fic than analyzing the show so forgive me if I sound stupid.

Also if anyone sees this and doesn’t agree, that’s fine. I’m not trying to say anyone is or isn’t right, this is just how I feel. Definitely feel free to ignore this.

Disclaimer: I have only actually watched four episodes of the season but I do know most of the plot and basically the reason I couldn’t bring myself to watch the rest was because I really didn’t want to be disappointed in it even more? I don’t know. It’s probably dumb but anyway.

A lot of the reason I didn’t like the second season is basically because I felt like the characterizations themselves made little sense based on what happened in s1. I felt like a lot of what I loved about Frank’s character basically wasn’t there in s2 and I didn’t like how the things his character was really built on seemed to be gone. He was convinced he was never gonna be anything more than a killer and that no matter what, he would never be happy because he didn’t know how to live any other way. That’s not the impression I got with the end of the first season.

Everyone who knows my blog knows I love Frank/Billy but I definitely don’t think Frank/Karen wasn’t worth pursuing because I knew there was no way Brank was ever gonna be canon no matter what I thought or would’ve done. It seemed like thanks to his whole insistent on not being able to essentially have anything resembling a normal life in any form, his potential with Karen, someone who he really cared for and valued and who felt the same for him, was sort of wasted because it would have thrown off the whole lone wolf sort of vibe.

As for Billy, the whole thing with Krista made my skin crawl on principle. Not only did it seem like a waste of his potential, I felt like the character herself was rather dumb. She seemed pretty unneeded. I felt like forcing the sexual element somehow made it worse? Maybe if that wasn’t included I would feel different but that really skeeved me but maybe that’s me projecting.

As for Billy himself, I felt like, first of all, how his scars were done was rather underwhelming and considering what happened to him, almost not believable if that makes sense. Like we saw him spit of a bullet, get his face smashed repeatedly into a mirror and then racked across broken glass so the scars didn’t seem like they lived up to what one would expect from trauma like that. Like I understand Ben is incredibly handsome and that, I assume, was a reason he was cast in the first place but that doesn’t mean they needed to half ass the scars. Losing his outward appearance had to have been devastating but the minimal scarring didn’t back up how much he would hate looking in the mirror considering how important his appearance was to him before. I also think fucking up his face more would have added intimidation or some sort of element that would have made the trauma itself more real and visceral.

Like I said, I know Frank/Billy was never gonna happen but…I don’t know. Again, I felt like there was a lot of wasted potential of exploring more of their dynamic and we did get the flashbacks or whatever, but I feel like mostly Frank’s feelings about Billy being alive and his subsequent escape were rather muted, again going back to that almost cold sort of detached demeanor he had, at least in regards to Billy. I know he showed some affection to others but it felt like Billy, this person who was so deeply a part of his life who betrayed him, didn’t really effect him as much as I would’ve liked. Like…when he kills him, Billy is more upset than Frank. It’s like it really doesn’t mean a whole lot to Frank one way or the other. It’s just something to be done.

I also didn’t like the fact it wasn’t really even acknowledged from Frank that Billy didn’t even remember what he did. I know Frank is trained to be ruthless and remove his feelings and whatever, but I definitely feel like that should have made him feel something. It’s one thing to take out someone who is evil and you never knew personally but given Frank’s characterization in the prior season, I felt like that should’ve played into it more. In the end, I felt like his reaction and feelings about Billy and his actions seemed unrealistic.

And not to repeat myself, but I really hate the Krista thing. I had no desire to see her or for her to have a backstory. She was a waste. I also felt like Madani had to have had some sort of brain injury as well from the bullet she took at the carousel considering something similar happened to Frank and I know he has to have some sort trauma related to that whether he would want to admit to it or not.

But yeah. This all probably makes zero sense and is probably off base or maybe not even correct about certain things considering I haven’t seen the whole season, but I really did not like what I did see to want to watch more. I loved the first season so much so I just didn’t have the heart to watch more knowing both deep down and from friend’s comments that I would just be disappointed. I’m probably a baby for that but it’s true.

If I had my way, Frank/Billy would somehow be canon and shit would have been handled a lot differently. But I doubt that was or ever will be something people would have wanted to see. I don’t think the ship was popular even when the show was on but I didn’t discover my love for it until my second or third rewatch of the first season a while after it came out so I’m not sure.

Anyway, I’m just gonna keep writing what I’d like to see, which will probably be OOC stuff with gratuitous smut and copious amounts of romantic sweet nonsense because that’s all I know how to do and what I really like reading and writing about. Maybe if I was a better and more well rounded writer it would be different but who knows. I’m just happy to live in the little universes I’ve created with Brank and with them and my OC so I can write what my hopeless romantic heart wants to see and be happy with it.

#this was long winded and probably dumb but 🤷🏻‍♀️#if you read all this I’m sorry but thank you for asking nonetheless #I hope this is at least somewhat the type of answer you were looking for?#answered #anonymous #the punisher #frank castle #billy russo #brank

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adultswim2021 · 3 years

Text

Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law #1: "Bannon Custody Battle" December 30, 2000 - 4:30AM | S01E01 Welcome to the first episode of Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law, the first show on Adult Swim’s roster that I rejected as a substandard product. It should’ve been the Brak Show. In the opening episode, Birdman takes a case from Dr. Benton Quest, better known as Jonny Quest’s father. Race Bannon is fighting for custody of the boy, arguing that he’s a much better, much more present father figure to Jonny. Harvey Birdman was first conceptualized with an episode of Space Ghost Coast to Coast. In the episode “Pilot” we’re shown a supposed disastrous pilot episode of “Coast to Coast” where Birdman was originally attached as the star. Birdman, a depressive, out-of-work super hero, utterly botches the job as his inability to host a late-night show due to his deriving all his powers from the sun becomes more apparent. The character recurs a few more times, most notably in the episode “Sequel”, where Birdman guest-hosts the show. Still, to call this a proper Space Ghost spin-off requires carrying a big asterisk along with it. The character name “Harvey Birdman” was invented for Space Ghost, but besides both being based on the old 60s Birdman Hanna-Barbera show, they have little to do with one another. One would get almost nothing out of watching the original Space Ghost episodes before watching this (except for, you know, getting to see episodes of a much funnier show).

So in Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law you have one 60s Hanna-Barbera character as a lawyer taking court cases from various other Hanna-Barbera characters, usually of a similar vintage. In this particular episode we’re treated to a lot of jokes about the homoerotic subtext of Jonny Quest, specifically the relationship between Race Bannon and Benton Quest. The writers decide to tastefully side-step the seemingly pederast relationship between Race and Jonny. Watching the original Jonny Quest with the same attempt to subvert and recontextualize the relationships between the characters through a modern lens, a certain type of observer would probably note the amount of shirtless roughhousing Race does with Jonny. Speaking of watching Jonny Quest: I have to admit something: I never really watched Jonny Quest at all before writing this blog. I’ve had an interest in older shows and cartoons my entire life, but the entire genre of action cartoon didn’t appeal to me whatsoever when I was a kid. So last night I watched my first episode of Jonny Quest, in glorious 1080p on my new 4K television; a format it was never EVER intended to be viewed in. Jonny Quest is objectively junk. It’s fun, boyish, escapist entertainment, and there’s a lot of good irony in it, especially with it’s antiquated portrayal of other cultures from a bygone era when we were far less connected to the rest of the world. It has limited animation and simplistic design. The backgrounds look like they were painted on a post-it-note and most of the men are drawn to look like reskinned versions of Race Bannon. But there’s at least something a LITTLE charming about it. In fact, there was one moment of beautifully scripted action that absolutely won me over: Race and Jonny’s speed boat goes airborne briefly and crushes the bad guy’s boat from above as they speed towards one another. I nearly cheered when it happened. I knew The Venture Bros took liberally from Jonny Quest, but the coolest action sequences on that show seemed to be striving for the same exact visceral reaction I got from seeing Race crunch up some lizard men on a boat. Birdman is a similar deal: He was a cookie-cutter imitation of comic book heroes from the silver-age of comics (the obvious comparison here is DC’s Hawkman). I actually did watch a Birdman adventure late last night as I was falling asleep to follow up on Jonny Quest, but it felt less important. I can remember checking out the original Birdman on DVD not too long ago. Also, your typical Harvey Birdman usually focuses on jokes about shows other than Birdman. Still, it’s neat to see those characters in their original context, as well as that Hanna-Barbera stock-explosion animation we all know and love from Space Ghost blowing up Zorak on Coast-to-Coast. Also the episode I watched will be heavily referenced later, but not for this. I only watched the first episode of Jonny Quest taking a cue from my friend Kon who noted that most of the references in “Bannon Custody Battle” are directly from the first episode. The most specific (and funniest) scene in the whole show involves the Lizard Men, the main villains of that first installment. Other characters show up very briefly, and are all ones that appear in the opening sequence. Unless I find out differently (I’ll probably try to make my way through the rest of Quest in preparation for Venture Bros.), it really does seem like the writers just watched the first episode of Jonny Quest to write this show. Watching this episode of Harvey Birdman was like batting away an existential crisis. I remember vaguely at the time not being SUPER hot on this show, but I cut it a lot of slack and trusted that it would simply get funnier. I wanted to love all the shows on Adult Swim. Anyway, I went from being lukewarm on Birdman, to hating it. Reading my own earlier review of Birdman I blasted this episode for being homophobic. I used to have a very low tolerance for gay jokes, back when they were highly in fashion. But now that we live an era where there’s an arms race to find new ways to scold one another for perceived slights gay jokes can sometimes, NOT ALWAYS, be a little refreshing to hear. The fact that my stance on gay jokes can change as long as it’s in direct-opposition with the rest of the world is at least a little troubling. Does this mean I’m an inauthentic reactionary? Yes. Yes it does. There, I admitted it. Now, let me off the hook, please. I say that sorta jokingly. The gay jokes in this are mostly pretty lame, and come off like Mike Scully-era Simpsons gay jokes. The early scene at the beginning where Birdman eyes widen when he’s misunderstanding the nature of Dr. Quest’s and Race Bannon’s relationship really does come off as early 90′s homophobia. I remember it seemed out of place at the time. I’m sure it played just fine in the midwest, but the show didn’t really put it’s best foot forward with that. Speaking of lame jokes, this episode has a few that have nothing to do with insulting gay people. One of my least favorite bits involve the specific gag of undercutting a dramatic moment with characters fumbling around awkwardly in true-to-life fashion. Why, if a person tried to recreate a dramatic sting you’d see before a commercial break in real life, you’re right, it’d probably go awkwardly! But this 11 minute show has at least 3 explicit examples of this, and it’s only mildly amusing once:

Bannon dramatically walks out on Dr. Quest, after announcing his intention to take Jonny with him. He awkwardly comes back because he forgot his keys

Birdman dramatically argues with a rival prosecutor and summons his personal digital assistant, and then awkwardly fumbles with it

Birdman proves that the Race Bannon on the witness stand is actually a robot by unplugging him, but he accidentally pulls the wrong cord and has to spend a few seconds untangling and retracing the correct cord.

Another thing about Birdman is that there is usually a lack of strong jokes. The show usually includes a layer of comedy where there are simply characters who simply have odd, scattered speech patterns or odd ticks. The rival lawyer in this slurs his speech in a particular way: cut to the jury looking confused. That’s the joke. The Judge grumbles in an ornery fashion and generally acts like he doesn’t wanna be there. He says stuff that sounds like bad improv. That’s the joke. The show will only ocassionally come up with jokes to justify these character traits. It’s just silliness that doesn’t usually go anywhere. But, I do kinda like some things about this episode. It was animated by J.J. Sedelmaier, known for early digital animation seen in the crude era of Beavis and Butt-head and SNL’s TV Funhouse. They really do have their own style of comic timing, and there are some gags in this where the animation works in their favor. There are some jokes where the drawings really sell the comedy. I’m not sure if I liked this animation better or worse, but it does match the oddly-stilted Jonny Quest animation better than the episodes that came after this would have. Oh, one of the funniest bits not on the show was when I popped in the DVD I forgot that the menu music is Wesley Willis’ “Birdman Kicked My Ass”. If I were in high school when the DVD came out I would have loved it just for that reason. Same could be said “Jonny Quest Thinks We’re Sell-Outs” by Less Than Jake. I was an easily impressed kid.

#adult swim #harvey birdman attorney at law #adultswim2021

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laufire · 4 years

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Black Sails

Top 5 favourite characters: Max, Silver, Jack, Madi, and Flint.

Other characters you like: Mr. Scott, Anne, Miranda, Idelle, Eleanor, Billy, Eme, the Maroon Queen, Featherstone, Ms. Guthrie, Muldoon, DeGroot...

Least favourite characters: Rogers, Ashe, Alfred Hamilton and Richard Guthrie are my Most Disliked People lol. Dufresne and Hornigold can suck it too xD

Otps: Silverflintmadi, Flintmiranda, Maxanne + Rackanne, Maxanor. Don’t ask me to choose lol.

Notps: Eleanor/Rogers, Silver/Thomas. Though not with the ~passion I dislike other notps of mine -I just find the first depressing in canon and the latter tiresome in fanon *shrugs*.

Favourite friendships: Silver & Max & Jack; Silver & the Walrus crew (THE LOVE THERE), Idelle & Max.

Favourite family: Madi’s family >>>>>>>>. It’s not like there’s many options to choose from lmao, but even if there was, I’d still pick them. What a gr10 reversal of one of most hated tropes *-* (aka: having a character of color save or prioritize a white character at the expense of their own relatives, to the point where sometimes it even costs them their lives).

Favourite episodes: this is one of the shows I have most difficulty picking favourite episodes tbh. Every one in s4 (I still haven’t watched the finale... I should stop putting that off lol) has hit me where I live. Same with s3, really. s1 and s2 were less !!!!! but I’ve never disliked a single episode, so. Choices, choices. To pick one of each so far (minus s4 since I haven’t completed it): 1x03 (probably a... controversial choice, but it’s when I knew the show was something else), 2x10 (I love having my heart broken and this episode provided that. And I love seeing Max & co-winning and I got that too!), and 3x05 (the Silverflint!! Madi’s family!! Flint & The Maroon Queen’s scene! Flint’s visions! Max forcing Rogers to make a place for her on the council!! Max��s “I AM Nassau”!! Spoken Spanish that didn’t make my ears bleed!!!).

Favourite season/book/movie: s4. Each episode has been just. too much xD. So thematically perfect. I hope the finale feels like that too.

Favourite quotes: oof. How to choose. Max’s quote about refusing to make enemies of those one day she could call friends; her rant about Rogers sitting “in [her] fucking chair!!”; her speech to Anne in 4x08; Silver’s “I am no one from nowhere” quote; Madi’s about the “multitude of voices”; Jack’s “did I make up a lot of ground to catch you” speech; Flint’s “no daylight between you and I” (WHO SAYS THAT. IN *PUBLIC*. I swear it’s somehow the most indecent moment of the show. It overwhelms me xDD); Idelle’s quote about Max when she confronts Anne; Mr. Scott’s “only YOU” to Madi. I’d say those are my ultimate favourites.

Best musical moment: the intro. I love it.

Moment that made you fangirl/boy the hardest: Silver and Max’s interacting again in s4 made me lose it. Also, that Look between Max and Flint and Jack confirming later Flint had argued to kill her so she wouldn’t fuck with their plans anymore lmao.

When it really disappointed you: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Saddest moment: me at the progressive erosion of Silverflint’s relationship -> DDD:

Most well-done character death: Eleanor’s, I’d say.

Favourite guest star: Idek what I’d count as guest star with this show... I’m going with Idelle. If she appears too much to be considered a “guest”, the Maroon Queen.

Favourite cast member: JPK. She blends so, so well with her roles? Sometimes I have an incredibly hard time remembering Max and Nora West-Allen are played by the same person, ngl xD

Character you wish was still alive: both Miranda and Mr. Scott, though the latter has an edge because I have the NEED of knowing how he would’ve acted if he was in s4.

One thing you hope really happens: that I get the time I need to finish my WIPs and that NO ONE, EVER, tries to do a spin-off/remake/ANYTHING like that with it xD

Most shocking twist: Mr. Scott’s reveal in 3x04, if only because it was one of the few major things I wasn’t spoiled at all about xD. But I love how it changes your perspective of his s1-2 storylines.

When did you start watching/reading?: a few months ago.

Best animal/creature: ... sharks xD. We owe them so much (if Silver’s parrot was canon here, well).

Favourite location: Nassau (aka Max’s Domain).

Trope you wish they would stop using: n/a. I love this show’s tropes and themes lol.

One thing this show/book/film does better than others: lots of stuff xD. Dialogue is one; deviating from expectations and archetypes is another.

Funniest moments: WHO’S BILLY. The Silverflintbones pseudo-triangle xD. Silver’s s1 antics.

Couple you would like to see: *coughs* I could’ve coped with Silverflintmadi going all the way xD

Actor/Actress you want to join the cast: Maggie Smith should’ve had a cameo ¬¬

Favourite outfit: one?!? Have you SEEN everything Max’s worn in season four?? Or Eleanor in s1-2?? Jack’s Iconique Looks?? *sighs* I suppose I have a soft spot for Max wearing red, so that.

Favourite item: “La Galatea”, the book Flint gave to Miranda as an apology. My heart :((( (not to mention it reminds me to my own original WIPs).

Do you own anything related to this show/book/film?: ................ the DVDs xD. They were a little over 20 bucks total and I gave them to myself for my birthday lol (I just don’t trust Netflix anymore and I don’t want to lose easy access to a HQ version the show, so fork it). I own the Treasure Planet DVD (which came along with a computer game), but I have no idea of where I put it. And I have a copy of Treasure Island ofc (that I want to re-read when I finish the show).

What house/team/group/friendship group/family/race etc would you be in?: my heart is with Flintmadi’s cause but my brain and need to win with Max’s team xD

Most boring plotline: eh. I didn’t much care for Blackbeard’s deal (though I felt for his death, because it was so fucking awful).

Most laughably bad moment: n/a.

Best flashback/flashforward if any: The Sword Flirting Sparring flashbacks ofc *-*

Most layered character: Flint and Silver ofc.

Most one-dimensional character: the one-note characters that are just there at plot devices. And of those with a little more relevance to our mains, Thomas is the least expanded-on by far *shrugs* (which doesn’t mean “poorly written”).

Scariest moment: Silver’s state when he thought he lost Madi. No wonder Flint was so worried tbh.

Grossest moment: putting aside the physically gross moments (of which this show has a few, lbr. It did not shy away from injuries, etc.)... I had my most visceral reaction to Rogers speaking with Madi. Like, fuck off dude xD. ALSO: Billy’s beard. Kill it pls.

Best looking male: Joshua was a dork and a cutie. Flint is so not my type but there are... moments xD. Same with Silver when he’s in a shippy context, even if normally I’m all ??? at his face lol.

Best looking female: now this one is a lot harder xDD. I always end up saying Max because... have you seen her. They style her so lovingly *-*. But really, which of these women isn’t absolutely gorgeous in their unique way.

Who you’re crushing on (if any): Anne. She reminds me of my ~first love lol (looks-wise at least xD). And I know I’d be drawn to her... sunny disposition lmao.

Favourite cast moment: in my lurking over blogs to add stuff in the queue, I saw twitter exchange where Silver’s actor says Silver’s actions against Billy were revenge for the potatoes xD, and Billy’s replied he should’ve made him peel carrots, since he “likes their colouring”. LMFAO.

Favourite transportation: the Walrus, obviously. I’m sentimental :(

Most beautiful scene (scenery/shot wise): Charlestown in flames was hella pretty :))))))

Unanswered question/continuity issue/plot error that bugs you: n/a.

Best promo: I’ve seen a promo picture for s3 with Flint standing over a giant British flag on fire... very evocative.

At what point did you fall in love with this show/book: 1x03. I liked the previous episodes alone, but it was Max’s insistence of rejecting Eleanor’s help that took it over the edge. I’ve said before that although it made things harder for her in the short term, to me it showed how different and impressive a character it was and, knowing that things would go really well for her afterwards, made me see just how much promise the show had.

#replies #talking to the void #my thoughts #black sails thoughts #black sails #bsmax #bsmadi #mr. scott #Anonymous

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gryfon-spanish-werewolf · 4 years

Note

7. What story/headcanons do you feel the proudest of?

15. What is the fanfic you’ve written that you’re most proud of?

16. What fanfic tropes do you avoid writing for?

17. What fanfic tropes do you gravitate to writing for?

20. What feedback makes you the happiest to hear?

21. Is there an idea you’ve always wanted to write, but haven’t yet?

36. What fanfic of yours has the symbolism you’re proudest of?

39. What area of writing do you feel strongest in?

Fanfic Writer Asks

7) In terms of headcanons (which I wouldn’t say I make often) I think I’m most proud of how I unabashedly use magic in a lot of my stories. Elsa’s magic, Troll magic, Other-magic - if I think something is neat then I kind of just roll with it!

Elsa’s ice magic, in canon has a LOT of uses, but I like pushing the boundaries. Ice-GPS? Check. Icepack for that burn? Check (though who hasn’t xD). Troll magic used for time travel? Check. Troll magic used for Dream-traversal?? Check. Physical embodiment of a strong emotion via magic? Check. Physical, evil appearance of an emotion incarnate via ice magic and troll magic and the POWER OF LOVE? Where’s my BINGO sheet? Cuz check that too.

15) OOF wow, that’s a hard one. I hate to say it but it MIGHT be one that’s not published and is currently sitting on my GDrive >_>;; I’m really proud of my Frozen!StarWars crossover

But of the ones that are published? Either A Banisher’s Dilemma or Great Knight Annatorias, The Abysswalker. I got to be super nerdy and meta on the second one^^

16) I avoid writing smut, I’ve never really been game for it. I’m always amazed that other people can write it, but I never really want to. I also tend to avoid angst, especially if it’s for no other reason than JUST angst. It has it’s place, but I don’t like using it just to get a reaction. (Some of you are already pointing fingers at Spirit - I know I KNOW xD It was a one off, I swear!)

17) I immediately gravitate towards anything SOFT. I love slice of life, I love characters bonding with each other, I love when they have CONVERSATIONS, especially about hard things that they can work through together! I also love “Firsts’”! First meeting, first hug, first confession, first kiss, first hand-hold, first date, first anniversary, etc etc. I love confessions and conversations. On the flip side I really love established relationships? Whatever they are: familial, friends, romantic or marital. There’s something really nice about a a pair or a group already being together. I have no idea where that all fits under your standard trope lists, but those are mine!

20) I absolutely scream if anyone ever quotes my stuff back to me saying stuff like “I really liked this line/paragraph/part because...” and then says why. I lose my mind. I also love when people say “This made me feel X” because I’m just ever so curious about how writing affects people!

Edit bc I forgot: I’ve had one (1) person make me fan art once as “feedback” for a story and I was on cloud 9 for like, shit, a month?? I still think about that person. I legit hope they are living their best life.

21) I wouldn’t say I “always” wanted to write this since I’m WAY too impatient to wait on ideas most of the time BUT I have had this au sitting in my WIPs folder for nearly 6 YEARS and it’s about how the King and Queen of Arendelle are secretly part of a vampire hunting guild. They kill a vampire that snuck into the castle one night but not before it infects their daughter and heir to the throne, Elsa (who’s like, 6 or 8). Even though they’re oathbound to kill vampires, they can’t kill their daughter. The castle is closed similar to post-Accident Frozen 1.

Jumping to modern times, Anna is a history student exploring the mountains of Norway with her classmate, Hans, and a guide, Kristoff, and they are heading for the ruins of Arendelle castle for a research project. Rumors say that despite wars, invasions, thrill seekers, and treasure hunters, a lot of people that go into that foggy area of the fjord waters and forest end up lost and never found. The few that make it out tell tales of strange chills and the feeling of eyes at their backs. Locals know that the headstones of the last living Royals (who died at sea) are still tended to, though no one knows by whom. Anna gets separated from the group and encounters a sleeping Elsa in the castle before sundown. Afraid for the stranger’s safety (it’s winter, it’s cold, and it’s going to be night soon), Anna attempts to wake Elsa, to no avail. Realizing she’s sort of stuck herself, Anna builds a fire and awaits morning (and her own rescue), unknowing that in the last rays of sunlight her “companion” is about to wake. For the worse.

Unrelated to fanfic, I HAVE always wanted to write a story about a girl named Rain (as such for her birth during a terrible storm) that misfortune is heaped upon by the bucketful, so much so that everyone believes she’s cursed, except for her tutor. I want her name have a double meaning that she both slumps and shines under, since rain may bring destruction, but also growth and healing.

36) A Banisher’s Dilemma, hands down. I did SO MUCH RESEARCH for that fic AND I was in a Bible New Testament class at the same time, so I just SHOVED a whole bunch of Christian history, themes, imagery, and references in there. It’s not the only symbolism however, as I mixed plenty of other global and cultural references in there as well. Hard not to, since Anna is literally jet-setting to a new location nearly every chapter.

39) Surprising maybe no one: light humor! My writing is often funny, mostly because I like to make myself laugh :D If I’m not having fun, than what’s the point!? Most often it’s shown off in my one shots or short fiction, but even re-reading some of my longer chapter fics still has me laughing at the same jokes I wrote many years ago.

If not humor than portraying strong emotions. I’ve received too many (generous and loving <3) comments about how pinpoint accurate or visceral my portrayal of joy or sorrow, grief or fear, or love and happiness are to deny it. And that’s much less of a boast and more a humble acknowledgement of people who have written very thoughtful responses to my work, and it would be irresponsible to imply that their words over the years were false in any way.

Thanks for the ask! These are a lot of really good questions!

#anon ask #fanfic ask #also did they change the way asks can be sent/formatted?#i swear I've never seen an ask stacked like that xD #great questions tho like I said #A Banisher's Dilemma #Great Knight Annatorias The Abysswalker #Spirit #The Darkness Within #unnamed Vampire!au #Frozen!StarWars crossover #So You Can Always Find Me #as for the humor? MOST of my little short stories have humor and they are all on Ao3 and FF.net

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thelaurenshippen · 4 years

Audio

oh hey, here’s a playlist from 2017 that I realized wasn’t on my website with the rest of them and that I totally wasn’t thinking about because there’s actually a part two that has never seen the light of day that may or may not be incoming

notes on my website and also under the cut

As I write, I like to build playlists for all my characters and, occasionally, will make playlists as a character as well. These playlists are part of my writing process and I take them far more seriously than anyone should. Sometimes the playlists come together instantly and effortlessly and sometimes I play around with them for months. As such, there are a fair number of cast-offs that never make it onto the final, official playlist. That's what this playlist is.

So here we are: all the songs that nearly made it on to the character playlists but got cut for various reasons. Those reasons tend to fall into one of a few categories:

There wasn’t space / another song was serving a similar purpose

The song was right for the character but not right for the character at the beginning of their story (which is what most of the playlists are)

The mood/genre/tempo of the song was out of place in the playlist

I discovered the song after the playlists had been put together.

All my playlists are very specifically ordered, so adding or removing songs after their publication is more or less impossible. Instead, I would throw songs into this B-Side playlist as they appeared, meaning that, unlike most of my playlists, the order here is random (aka this playlist has NO flow). Here is a list of where they would have gone had they made the final cut. The characters are listed above the tracks, with a link to the playlist in question.

A/N, 2020: These are the B-Sides specifically from pre-Season 4. Back in August of 2017, I did a sticker giveaway to see what folks would guess about which songs were for which characters - these annotations were published after that giveaway and thus, there's some reference to how people guessed!

WADSWORTH

1. “Heavy Metal Lover” - Lady Gaga

This is a Wadsworth song through and through in terms of style and swagger. There just wasn’t space for it.

But would you love me if I ruled the world

DAMIEN

2. “Reaper Man” - Mother Mother

This is a song that was recommended to me as a Damien song by tumblr user kalgalen and I am actively mad that I didn’t know this song before making Damien’s playlist. The style, the lyrics - everything about this song is Damien. And it actually fits perfectly after the opening track but by the time I was made aware of it, it was too late.

Oh yeah, I’m an ugly mess/not in the face, but in the head - regardless of how attractive Damien is, this is something he thinks. God, what an edgelord line this is.

Oh yeah, I got no choice/got no choice/but to love myself - I mean, it’s just all there.

A/N, 2020: this song eventually made its way onto a playlist - my playlist for A Neon Darkness, Damien's book.

CHLOE

3. “Her Morning Elegance” - Oren Lavie

I love that this song really conjures a visceral image to your brain - it paints such a vivid picture. It’s delicate, but determined. I think Chloe sometimes moves through her world separate and observing and that’s what this song is.

There’s also an amazing music video that I think Chloe would watch over and over again.

I got a lot of submissions guessing that this was a song for Sam and I really see that too. It fits well with the aesthetic of her playlist and the theme of fighting for your life everyday definitely resonates with Sam, as does the “Nobody knows” lyric. But the lyrics are also about being out in the world, which is something Sam doesn’t do but Chloe wants to continue to do desperately, despite her ability making it difficult.

CALEB/ADAM

4. “Blue and Yellow” - The Used

This was a song suggested by my sister for Caleb and Adam because of the colors involved and also because The Used was a band we both listened to a lot when we were emo teenagers like Adam. Ultimately, this song feels very dated as early emo and didn’t quite fit musically on any of their mixes, either in-universe or not.

And it’s all in how you mix the two/and it starts just where the light exists/it’s a feeling that you cannot miss/and it burns a hole/through everyone that feels it

5. “Stupid for You” - Waterparks

This is another song that was recommended to me, this time by a tumblr user and it is absolutely perfect. I didn’t even realize that there was pop punk being made like this anymore, so I was delighted.

You’re yellow, I’m natural blue/let’s get together and be green like my insides - I mean??? Couldn’t have said it better myself

Also, the refrain of “stupid for you” fits perfectly with the “I’m the guy who’s been so stupid about you that it broke my fucking super power!” I mean, I clearly ghostwrote this song.

ISO: the tumblr user who suggested this song. I have scoured both of my blogs to find the ask to no avail so if it was you, please raise your hand.

Both of these songs would go on a Caleb/Adam ship mix if such a thing existed. But in fact, both their mixes are in-universe and, while one of them might put this on a mix now, it would have been way too vulnerable of a thing to put on one of those earlier playlists. I've linked to their second in-universe mix - the quite lovey one that Adam makes for Caleb.

MARK

6. “Time Machine" - Robyn

This definitely felt a little too on the nose for Mark, so I went with “Hang With Me” instead. But Mark loves Robyn and would love the DeLorean reference in this so it was very tempting. It’s also a song all about making impulsive decisions, which Mark definitely does a lot, but in classic Robyn style, it’s such a bop despite the serious lyrics. That balance fits Mark perfectly.

7. “F U” - Miley Cyrus

I know this song is about someone cheating, but it is such a good angry-fuck-you song that I can’t help but think of it in the context of Mark’s feelings towards Wadsworth. Having missed the heyday of pop borrowing from dubstep and the increasing use of internet slang, I think Mark would have gotten out of The AM and fallen hard for this song. I imagine many an afternoon before Joan gets home from work just angry dancing around the living room singing along to this.

SAM/MARK

8. “Someone to Fall Back On” - Jason Robert Brown

This is 100% Sam singing to Mark about being his knight in shining armor. Sam is hard on herself - doesn’t realize her own strength - so the self-deprecating lyrics really work for her. It didn’t make it on the playlist because it felt like it was a little further down the line in their relationship - somewhere around Episode 40.

I’ll take your side/if I’m the only one/I’m used to that/I’ve been alone/I’d rather be/the half of us/the least of you/the best of me

I got a lot of guesses for Frank on this one, which completely fits. He’s quite a bit more confident in his abilities than Sam - if he thinks he can be your knight, he’ll say so right from the get-go.

9. “Can’t Get Started With You” - Ella Fitzgerald

This is pretty self-explanatory. It didn’t fit with the very particular structure that I created for the Sam/Mark playlist and it also felt like a later stage of their relationship. That playlist was them falling in love and wanting to be in the same time; this song is getting close to that but then getting pulled apart again, first by Damien and then by the difficult realties of actually trying to have a relationship. If the previous track is end of Season 3 for them, this is a Season 4 song.

A/N, 2020: it certainly is a Season 4 song, because it actually ended up going on their Season 4 playlist.

DAMIEN/MARK

10. “Elvis Ain’t Dead” - Scouting for Girls

So…this is a reject from an as of yet published playlist. I know - not fair. Think of this as the free square on a bingo sheet. In the course of writing Season 3, I was motivated to make a playlist for a relationship that was becoming increasingly interesting to write. While this playlist could certainly be seen as a ship playlist, I have no intentions to ever put these characters together in a real way, but their dynamic was so compelling that I wanted to explore it. I will eventually release the playlist because it’s one of the best I’ve made, but I didn’t want it influencing anyone’s reaction to the end of Season 3. Loose lips sink ships.

I wish it was me you chose/Elvis ain’t dead/and you’re coming back

Okay, okay, I won’t leave you hanging because a few people actually guessed this one right - it’s from a Damien/Mark playlist. This is actually one of three unpublished Damien mixes - for whatever reason, music is the fastest and easiest way for me to connect to him. He really brings out the playlist-making skills in me.

A lot of people guessed that this was Agent Green which I absolutely love. Poor Owen.

A/N, 2020: I didn't link to the playlist originally, but it exists now! To this day, I think it's some of my best work.

ROSE

11. “Carolina” - Harry Styles

This was mostly rejected because I felt stupid having two songs called “Carolina” on one mix and Sara Bareilles trumps Harry Styles (as much as I love him). But in style and content, this really feels like a Rose song.

#playlist #playlists #b-sides #the bright sessions #man elvis ain't dead still really slaps

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gojira007 · 4 years

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Movie Meme

Took me a bit of time, but I was tagged by @bunnikkila to list my nine favorite movies, and since I can’t help but be ridiculously verbose about that very topic, you can see them all under the cut 8D

As for who I tag? Well, as always with the caveat that you are free to ignore if you don’t wanna, I’ll go with: @elistodragonwings @kaikaku @donnys-boy @robotnik-mun @sally-mun @fini-mun @werewolf-t33th @cviperfan and @wildwoodmage

and don’t worry, if you DO go for it, you don’t have to get as Extra as I did about it XD

9.)

Look, the meme is about Favorite Movies, not necessarily the BEST Movies, OK? And for the most part this list consists of films where that division is less meaningful in terms of how I evaluate the other movies on here. But in this specific case, “Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie”, which is ultimately not all that different from the “Mystery Science Theater 3000″ TV show it spun off from and thus not particularly impressive as a work of Cinema Qua Cinema, makes the cut primarily because it’s a movie I know so well and have enjoyed so often that I can practically recite the whole thing to you by rote; I quote it all the time in my day-to-day life, I think about it often when I need a little smile, and it’s also become my favorite tool for introducing newcomers to MST3K as a whole since it was designed with a slightly broader audience in mind than the more willfully-eclectic series. And given how much I love MST3K As A Whole, that’s an especially strong factor in its favor.

8.)

Looky looky, @bunnikkila, we (unsurprisingly) have a pick in common! I’m sure this is the one and only time THAT’S going to happen on this list. 8D

Y’know, nearly thirty years (and one fairly useless remake >_>) later, I think the thing that impresses me about “The Lion King” is just how much it is still able to grab me emotionally. Some of that is unquestionably tied up with how strongly I associate this movie with my family, all of whom it became very special to as a Shared Experience. But I also don’t know of a lot of people who haven’t had that same emotional experience with it, and that to me suggests there’s more going on here than just Nostalgia. The mixture of Shakesperean plotting with Disney’s signature strength of Character, for one thing, granting the movie’s story an Epic Scope that never forgets the emotional inner lives of its cast. The music for another, not only its instantly-iconic song-book but also its memorable score, armed with both Big Bombast and Gentle Sentiment. And the unforgettably gorgeous animation, rendering every last element of its world with believable naturalism and strongly-defined personality. All of it, together, makes for what I still personally consider the Crowning Achievement of the Disney Renaissance.

7.)

I think, if I had to name the thing I find most lacking in far too many modern Action Movies, it’s Clarity. They all tend to lard their plots up with a bunch of unnecessary contrivances and complications in hopes of making themselves appear more clever than they actually are, and all it usually does is just dilute the impact of the whole thing. “Mad Max: Fury Road”, by contrast, is all about Clarity. I could sum up literally its entire plot in a paragraph if I wanted, because it is basically One Big Chase Scene from start to finish, never really deviating from that structure for more than a few minutes at a time. And that, combined with its exceptionally well-crafted Action Sequences, means that the full weight of its visceral power hits you full force every time. But don’t be fooled; that simplicity is not to be mistaken for shallowness. Indeed, precisely by getting out of its own way, knowing exactly what it wants to do and why, “Fury Road” also delivers a story that is, in spite of what you might guess, genuinely subtle and smart. Every character is immediately unforgettable and compelling because their role in the story is so well-considered and their personalities all so stark. The world it crafts feels at once fascinatingly surreal and yet All Too Real at the same time because even its most Fantastic elements are ultimately just grotesque reflections of things the audience knows only too well. And most of all, it tells a story with real, meaningful Themes that are deeply woven into each of its individual elements, such that the whole thing is deeply satisfying emotionally, but also piercingly Relevant in all the best, most affecting ways.

6.)

Oh look, another pick I have in common with @bunnikkila! This must be the last one, right?

But yeah, this is just a legitimately great movie, at every level, in every way. Stylistically, it is one of the most radically inventive things to have ever been made in the world of Western Animated Movies, gleefully mixing together a vast array of Aesthetics and Techniques that are at once viscerally distinct and yet coherently connected, all rendered with a fantastic eye toward the world of Comic Book Visual Language that keeps finding new and extremely fun ways to play with that instantly-recognizable iconography. For that alone, I would call it one of the greatest triumphs of 21st century animation. But then, on top of that, the story it tells is one that is simultaneously Arch and self-aware, delivering some of the most fantastically hilarious punch-lines imaginable more than a few of which are at the expense of the very franchise it is working within...but also entirely earnest, sincere, and emotionally affecting. It is, at once, a movie that manages to be about The Idea Of Spider-Man in its totality while also being about just one kid coming to grips with who he is, what he can do, and what his life can be. I don’t know that I can remember the last time a movie so immediately and unmistakably marked itself as an Enduring Masterpiece, but “Into the Spider-Verse” absolutely pulled it off.

5.)

Ordinarily, I would cheat and give this slot to the “Lord of the Rings” trilogy in its totality. But somehow, the fact that this is about “FAVORITE” movies instead of just what we think the BEST one is compels me to narrow it down to just one. And if I had to pick just one, it would be the first of the three, “Fellowship of the Ring”. It’s not necessarily anything that the other two movies get wrong, either. All three of the LotR movies possess many of its keenest strengths, after all. For a starter, there’s the keen understanding of how best to adapt the source material without being enslaved to it; capturing many of its most iconic moments while cleverly tweaking elements to make them more cinematic, knowing what scenes to focus on for the sake of more clearly focusing the emotional through-lines of the story, and knowing what scenes, no matter how good on the page, ultimately don’t fit to the shape the adaptation has taken. There’s also its pitch-perfect casting, each and every actor doing a fantastic job of embodying the characters so well that even as your personal vision of them from the books may differ radically from what is on-screen, they nonetheless end up feeling Right for the part and a strong, compelling presence. And there’s the deft visual hand of director Peter Jackson, who knows exactly how to craft a Middle Earth that feels at once lived-in and real but also Fantastic and magical. “Fellowship”, for me at least, thus wins out mostly because it has the good luck of being adapted from the strongest of the three books, the point at which the narrative is at its most unified and thus has the strongest overall momentum. But also because so few movies have so swept me away with the sense of stepping into a world I have always dreamed of in my mind’s eye, and that’s the sort of thing that can only happen at the beginning of a journey.

4.)

Now here’s a movie that is literally sown in to my very being. It’s the last movie my mother saw in theaters before becoming a Mom. I grew up watching the “Real Ghostbusters” cartoon all the time and playing with the attendant toys; I had a “Ghostbusters” Birthday Party when I was, like, four years old. It has been my annual Halloween Tradition to get myself a big Cheese Pizza and watch this movie for about as long as I’ve had disposable income to myself. There is, quite literally, no point in my life where I don’t remember “Ghostbusters” being a fixture in it. And as a nice bonus? It is, legitimately, a Genuinely Great Movie. I realize that isn’t quite as universally agreed upon these days as it was even a few years ago (thanks, Literally The Worst Kind Of Virulently Misogynist Assholes lD; ), but I still feel pretty confident in saying this one really is That Good. I still find basically every one of its jokes hilarious; even now I could quote just about any one of them and get a laugh. I still find its central premise, What If Exorcism Was A Blue-Collar Business, a brilliant, almost subversively clever one that takes The Supernatural out of the realm of The Unknowable and into a world where even you, an ordinary person off the street, can in fact fight back against it. I still think it’s one of the all-time great examples of how to balance Tone in this sort of High Concept Genre Bender, by allowing The Story to be played relatively straight while allowing the comedy to flow naturally from the characters’ reactions to that story, allowing its Ghostly aspects to land as Genuinely Scary (or at least Worth Taking Seriously) without getting too Stern and Serious about it. And I still listen to that unforgettable Title Song all the time! So yeah, even if I could be more objective about it, “Ghostbusters” would almost certainly make this cut.

3.)

And so we come to the third and last pick I have in common with @bunnikkila, not coincidentally a movie that played a key role in solidifying our friendship, as bonding over our shared love of it was a big part of how we got to know each other on deviantART waaaay back in the day <3

By 2008, I really didn’t think it was possible for a movie or comic or TV show to really become “part” of me anymore, the way things like Sonic the Hedgehog or Marvel Super Heroes or Some Other Movie Character Who Might Be At The Top Of This List had. And then “WALL-E” came along and proved that to be completely, utterly wrong. I didn’t just love this movie, I was inspired by it, to a degree of strength and consistency that I’m still not entirely sure has yet been matched. And to be sure, some of that is undoubtedly because the movie had already basically won the war before I’d even bought my ticket; Adorable Robots In Love is something like My Platonic Storytelling Ideal, after all. But even setting that aside, “WALL-E” is a movie where even now I can’t help but be keenly aware, and gently awed, at the beauty of its craft; indeed, watching this movie in a theater did a lot to make me better understand why movies work on us the way they do, because I left that theater chewing so much on every last one of its elements. Its gorgeous animation, the way it conveys Character through Actions more so than language, the dream-like quality of its musical score (even as i type this i get teary thinking about certain motifs), the clear and meaningful way it builds its theme and story together so harmoniously, and the particular perspective it takes on our relationships with each other, with our environments, and with our own technology...all of it speaks to me deeply and profoundly, and it’s no coincidence that I have seen this movie more times in theaters than any other on this list (twelve times, for the record, and I still remember each and every time XD).

2.)

This one needs no personal qualifications, to my mind. Yes, I have some degree of nostalgic attachment to it for having seen it relatively young with my brothers and being deeply moved by it then, but it’s not at all like the kind of Nostalgia I have for “The Lion King”. “Princess Mononoke” is just flat-out, full-stop a complete Masterpiece, not just my personal pick for one of the single-best animated films ever made, but one of the best films period. It’s almost difficult for me to put into words how great this movie is, certainly in a way that hasn’t been repeated to death by thousands of other smarter people, because no one of its elements quite answers the question of why it is so great, to my mind. Yes, the animation is absolutely gorgeous with a design sensibility that brings Ancient Mythology to life so vividly that its influence can still be felt today (The Forest Spirit alone has been homaged all over the place). And yes, the music is hauntingly beautiful, at once capturing the gentle rhythm of nature but also the elegiac tone of Life Moving On. And yes, the story is an incredible mixture of the Broad Mythic Strokes of an Ancient Legend grounded in all too human Emotions and Ideas about the balance of nature, the full meaning and cost of Warfare, and perhaps most important of all, about how we determine Right and Wrong when everyone involved in a conflict is fighting simply for the right to survive. But all of those things add up together to something even greater than a simple sum, because each one isn’t just good in its own right but because each element so perfectly reinforces the other. And even having said all that? I really could just carry on singing this movie’s praises. Just...an absolute masterpiece, top to bottom.

1.)

I don’t imagine any of you are terribly surprised at this, right? I almost feel like it’d be redundant to explain my love for this movie, given how self-obvious I imagine it is to basically everyone who knows me Literally At All. But heck, I’ve rambled on this long, why not go all the way? Because the thing of it is, “Gojira” (to be clear, the original Japanese movie from 1954 rather than its American edit, “Godzilla: King of the Monsters” from 1956) doesn’t just top the list by being a Great Movie. Though to be clear, it really is. Flawless? No; there’s a reliance on puppetry that even for the time can be a bit chintzier than the movie can really afford, in particular. But brilliant, even so, a heart-wrenching example of Science Fiction Storytelling As Allegory, one that, in a rarity not just for its own genre but indeed for many movies in general, very meaningfully lingers on its deepest, darkest implications. Many a film critic has pointed it out, and it remains true: the stark black-and-white photography heightens the sense of Implacable Horror at the core of the story, and the way the central Melodrama, a tragic love triangle that carries with it many aspects of Class Conflict and Personal Desire VS. The Collective Good, ties back into the main story is truly beautiful in its elegance and emotional impact. Still, for me personally, it tops the list, now and always, because it is a movie that affirmed something for me, that the character I had fallen in love with as a child convincing his family to watch a monster movie with him on television to prove his seven-year-old bravery, really was as genuinely as powerful and meaningful a figure as I had always imagined him to be.

#movies #meme #gojira007

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weaselle · 4 years

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Reverse-Zuko

@animefreaksfall-in asked me to elaborate on what I meant when I said Darth Vader deserved a reverse-Zuko (but that post is inaccessible to me now because tumblr is really a website, and anyway, it was already long and I don’t need to derail an ATLA post with Star Wars ramblings) so here we go

First of all, the Zuko redemption arc is one of the best written, most satisfying, perfectly crafted character arcs ever, and if you don’t acknowledge that, you should probably scroll on by.

Next if you haven’t seen me post about it, I swore off Star Wars completely after the prequels hit theaters because I was so upset by them. Finally let go (barely) enough to start watching some again this year. The reason I was upset by the prequels had nothing to do with the CGI, I didn’t have any reaction to Jar-Jar, nothing like that... the reason those movies back-stabbed me deep in my soul was all about Vader.

I’m sure we can all agree that Vader is one of THE most iconic villains of the 20th century. But I’m not sure if everyone has an appreciation of what it was like to be in it from the beginning. Like, I managed to see the original Return of the Jedi in theaters the first week it was released. Those movies had a huge impact on, gods, on sci-fi and movies and wow just everything. Intense and large fandom, immediately, of course.

And here’s the important thing. Not only did we instantly want more, not only did the Vader/Skywalker reveal at the end of Return of the Jedi feel like a cliffhanger and leave us with so many questions, but, there was The Rumor.

The Rumor was widespread from the very beginning and said that, in the name of world building, Lucas had actually outlined the story for three movies that came before the ones we’d seen. That explained the rich universe, depth of story and the titles starting with Episode IV, but also, we wanted to see those movies.

With clenched fists and furrowed brows we wished for him to make them, and one of the main reasons was Vader. The reveal had been like a punch in the gut, a mind fuck that left us breathless, we craved the incredible story it implied -- how could he have gone from best jedi in a time when jedi were plentiful to the last jedi and one of the strongest baddest (but still redeemable) characters in the whole universe? We needed that story, we craved that story, we yearned for it.

For SIXTEEN long years we yearned. Nearly every interview or star wars related appearance George Lucas did he was asked if he would make those movies, and he always said no, and we always said to ourselves, maybe if we wish harder, maybe if we want it even more.

Finally, finally, it happened. It was like a gift from the heavens. (Just so happened they hit theaters within a day of my birthday each year too, so gift indeed).

But what was this!? What unholy fuckery was spilled on the screen like so much spoiled milk? The great rise and fall of possibly the most important villain of the last 100 years reduced to what? A whiny teenager in a dumb soap opera with a criminally neglected character arc.

“hey whiny teenager, wanna join the dark side?” no.

“what if I make you question one (1) thing?” maybe.

“and if you suffer one (1) tragedy?” yeah fine, I’ma murder children now

bonus: the jedi are inexplicably 2 dimensional and the answer to how he winds up in the iconic suit is super dumb. Happy fucking birthday. I mean, there were some cool action scenes, but jfc what a crime against story telling.

As much as I’ve tried to talk about this before, I could never express what should have happened, but then that post about Zuko let me have an easy way to say it.

The prequels should have been, for Vader, like a redemption arc done backwards through time.

He ends Return of the Jedi basically where Zuko starts off: the antagonist agent of the Evil Oppressors, but one that we see as redeemable. Anakin’s story should have shown him starting off as a hero we love, and led him agonizingly toward that point, the way Zuko starts at that point and moves agonizingly toward lovable hero.

Zuko’s arc properly shows his struggle, how hard it is for him to break with his old life, how difficult it is for him to redefine who he is and what he stands for, how he second guesses himself and ties himself in knots over it, how he moves toward, then away, then toward that other version of himself.

Three seasons like three movies, and Zuko is constantly fighting an inner battle, made all the more difficult by the conflicting influences of his uncle, mother, father, sister, and the people he meets. Sure he still manages love interests and flirting, awesome action scenes, and humorous moments, but his arc is so agonizing and visceral. It’s incredibly done.

By contrast, Anakin’s story arc is flat, cheap, poorly executed, neglected. We don’t feel his struggle, we’re barely handed a simple reason. He’s just like, I’m whiny! And something Bad happened to me! I’m full evil now!

I’m upset again just thinking about it. Anyway

Darth Vader deserved Zuko’s character arc done backwards, he deserved a Reverse Zuko. WE deserved a reverse Zuko. We were robbed, and we know the kind of character development and story telling we craved is possible, because Zuko is right there.

#vader #star wars #ATLA

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doshmanziari · 5 years

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2019 Mega Drive Explorations [1]

It takes me a long time to do some things and I’ve finally gathered up a bunch of Sega Mega Drive / Genesis titles that I’ve been meaning to play, hopefully through their entirety, or replay and take as many screenshots as I can. These aren’t going to look like most other screenshots you’ll see online, though; I’ve been using an NTSC filter because I believe it’s the visual format in which these games look best. So, let’s take a stroll through the material so far.

Super Hydlide (1989)

This is one of the best “old style” action-RPGs I’ve played. I’ve gone in with barely any prior knowledge, and I think that’s how to best experience it. Spoiling yourself on the extent and workings of its mechanical systems would, I think, turn it into nothing more than leveling up and finding the next place to go. The range of overworld which you’re initially able to explore is fairly restricted, and, as the action-RPG designation suggests, there are no randomized battles. Because of details like your need of food and sleep, or the encumbrance limit, though, it’s a deep relief to return to a town after some exploration in a way that reminds one why this trope of wilderness vs. domesticity caught on. You might just find yourself exhaling when your enter an inn. In another game, your character’s attack would likely be assigned a hitbox straight ahead of the sprite, but Super Hydlide locally assigns it to your right arm/hand, and it’s a welcome quirk in a game with super basic combat. There is no in-game map (or, if there is, I haven’t found it yet), and so -- as with Simon’s Quest -- I’ve been drawing my own on a sheet of gridded paper.

Above: the same screen at different times of day.

I hope that this blog’s emphases and its audience make the claim that I think Super Hydlide looks amazing at least appreciable. Everything has just enough detail to render the object, being, or space as categorically legible while retaining ambiguities, and there’s a variety where you might not expect it, like the grass around the building above, that gives each screen a kind of visual grain that an ornate and time-worn carpet might have. Complementing this is a soundtrack that seems unaware of the console’s audio capabilities in a way that another contemporary Mega Drive release, like Sword of Vermilion, certainly was not. That’s fine, though; the sound’s smallness, with those lite approximations of exclamatory synth brasses and the percussion’s dusty, dinky punches, enhances the cute visual aesthetics: people, monsters, and buildings you could hold in a pair of cupped hands. Especially remarkable is the overworld theme, “Chaos Separator” -- almost three minutes long, a duration that was basically unheard of at the time.

Atomic Runner Chelnov (1992)

Chelnov has me torn between wanting to share either as many screenshots of it as I can or as little. It’s so stunning to behold that exposing anyone who hasn’t played it to its sights seems like a disservice. It’s in extreme contrast to the game’s original arcade version, too, which may as well be a different game. Every stage is a stream of layered ornaments, and continuing to play to see more of this is motivation alone. At first I thought the graphic theme was one of a general “exoticism”, with ziggurats settled above lava giving way to stepped Mayan pyramids, but then the penultimate stage threw architecture designed by Antoni Gaudí my way, making me wonder if the theme is more broadly “eclectic” -- choosing certain settings and motifs for their dazzling power alone. This is one of those run ‘n’ gunners where your character will keep running unless you stop them -- but you soon have to start running again anyway, since the screen keeps moving right and only stops for bosses. It took me playing through half of the game to figure out how to turn around. Please, if you want to give Chelnov a look: consult a controls FAQ.

El Viento (1991)

If you’re looking for level design that’s a mixture of the mundane and the out-of-control, El Viento might be for you. One moment you’re walking through an open sewer channel, exploding the occasional fish; the next, you’re navigating a bundle of platforms that feel way too closely packed together for your character’s sprite size as you attempt to outrun a never-ending flood of rats that move at speeds never before recorded. One moment you’re going through an apartment’s door into an empty interior; the next, a tank bursts through the opposite wall and just starts hammering you with missiles and bullets, giving you only five feet of space to work with. It’s the second in a trilogy of games, which includes Earnest Evans, a game perhaps most notable for all of its footage making it appear that the players are incompetent on purpose, but which in fact plays more or less the same no matter how good you are. Grave sacrifices were made so that the titular character could be a composite sprite. El Viento’s level design hews closely to Earnest Evans’, with the important difference that its protagonist, Annet Myer, is controllable.

Even with its problems, El Viento is charming. It’s nice to play a videogame with a female protagonist who’s not creeped on by the artist(s) (perhaps we can, in part, thank technical limitations for this). The palettes and style of pixel art bear an uncanny resemblance to Master of Darkness, released for the Game Gear and Master System, and give each stage a distinct, almost dirty granularity. For me, El Viento gets especially interesting around the fourth stage, a ship’s engine room (or... factory?) that’s preceded by a short segment that has you crossing water on top of a cartoon-eyed dolphin. The level design transitions to looking like a network from Metroid Fusion -- a knotty maze with small destructible points that cause chain reactions, oddly small platforms, moments where you’re not sure what’s interactive and what’s not, and low ceilings underlined by spike-beds that necessitate you make use of a crouch-dash mechanic that feels like it shouldn’t work the way it does. It’s a hardly perfect yet precious occurrence of extinct, or endangered, level design, and the developers apparently had a confidence in letting it, as it were, speak for itself, because there’s not a single enemy to defeat throughout.

Jewel Master (1991)

Wanting to hear Motoaki Takenouchi’s incredible score, one of the Mega Drive’s best, in its intended context was almost totally my incentive to play Jewel Master. It’s a fine, somewhat haphazardly designed action game; not bad, not memorable, but for the music. You acquire different rings, some optional, as you go from stage to stage, and can assign them to a total of four active slots on an equipment menu. Different combinations will lead to different effects -- or you might want to leave a ring on one hand on its own. It’s a neat idea in the abstract. In practice, you’ll often be better off sticking to one set-up per stage until a boss demands a switch. The level design is pretty uninspired, and it increasingly makes artificial attempts at challenging the player by burying you under swarms of suddenly-appearing monsters. When this happens, you just have to hope that you can make it out alive. There’s not a whole lot to look at, either: the stages’ environmental peculiarities and palettes are minimal to an extreme, although I do love that the protagonist’s sprite seems to take a cue from Rastan’s by only moving his legs when he walks.

Gynoug (1991)

My experience with, and interest in, shumps, is next to nonexistent, so I don’t have a ton to say about Gynoug. Why’d I bother? Well, because of the weird and grotesque enemy and boss sprites, which combine the mechanical, exoskeletal, and visceral. The first miniboss is like a floating snapping turtle... except without legs, and a head that’s a toothed skull. Later, in stage two, you’re confronted by the bow and head of a ship that reveals itself to be the hat atop a colossal, wrinkled face. Maybe it was expecting too much to hope that the settings would match the bestiary’s inventiveness, but only stage three and four wowed me. If it’s not a game I’m going to be returning to any time soon, it was worth going through once.

That’s all for now. Other titles I’ve been exploring and will write about at some point include Alisia Dragoon, Cadash, Chakan: The Forever Man, Elemental Master, Light Crusader, Mazin Saga: Mutant Fighter, Mystic Defender, Shining Force 2, Splatterhouse 2 and 3, Two Crude Dudes, and Ys III.

#sega genesis #mega drive #hydlide #el viento #gynoug #jewel master #chelnov

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drink-n-watch · 5 years

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Halloween is just around the corner and although this episode of My Hero Academia may have seemed fairly cheerful on the surface, there is a darkness brewing that is slowly starting to weigh everything down…

I just hopped right into it there. Whew, must be getting excited. Sorry about that. I had another good but unreasonable busy week. How is it going on your end Crow?

“Unreasonably busy” is a really good way to put it. Glad we got through it! But I think you hit the nail on the head when you mentioned a brewing darkness. That last shot… But, we don’t want to get too far ahead! Oh, I’m bold, and yeah, we’ll have spolilers.

So this week, Deku had to secure his working studies program at the Nighteye agency and as we already know, he did not make the greatest first impression.

Turns out Nighteye is a devoted All-Might fanboy just like Deku though, so they bonded over their shared love of the old no. 1 hero and Deku got a second chance to prove himself in the form of a simple task. All he needed to do was to somehow get Nighteye’s seal from him and his spot would be secure. It’s a pretty meaningless contest all things considered. What do you think Crow?

Let’s talk about how it played out first, but I’ll say this: I was seriously annoyed with Nighteye through this whole sequence. Especially with how it ended! For someone who has such a high opinion of All Might, Nighteye had no qualms about substituting his judgements for the previous number 1 hero. Plus, as we saw with how he treated Bubble Girl, the whole idea of respect just doesn’t seem to occur to Nighteye…

Things went as you would expect. Deku failed, but in the most extra and dedicated way possible and got the internship anyways. Nighteye even admitted that he was always going to give it to him as he had decided as soon as he learned about it (told ya!). That wasn’t the important part.

The important part or should I say partS were that 1, Nighteye was fully aware that Deku had inherited All For One and no one was surprised by the revelation and 2 Nighteye honestly believes that Mirio is the better candidate.

Interesting dynamic creating a worthy and capable rival in Mirio changes a lot of things. Up until now, Deku had the likes of Todoroki or Baku to contend with, except Todoroki is suffering from PTSD and has to sort himself out before thinking of becoming no 1 hero, while Baku is 50% villain if not more. Mirio is very similar to Deku in many respects. Optimistic, respectful and open, it’s very difficult to root for one above the other which creates a very interesting conflict!

Yes, it does! If it were almost any other student, I don’t think Izuku would be as rattled. All of them are competent, and some of them have potential for greatness, but in terms of being number 1, with the exception of Todoroki, I’m not seeing it.

But Mirio is practically All Might Junior! He’s so obviously heroic and so amazingly powerful that Izuku has to wonder if he measures up

I have to admit, all through the test, I hoped that Deku would be smart enough to add randomization as a test — throwing the papers and books that would move without his decision was a perfect way to test the extent of Nighteye’s powers. I was disappointed that Deku couldn’t manage to get the stamp himself.

And I think he was disappointed, too. That’s got to eat at his confidence.

After Deku’s personal trial is over, we go back to the school to find out that he’s really the only student to have had any luck so far. Unlike the previous internship, the work studies program puts students directly in the line of danger, and as such, most professional heroes are not willing to take the risk and do not have the insurance for it.

Nevertheless, it seems no. 3 hero Hawks has put in a request to work with Tokayami (birds of a feather!) while the renowned 3rd years are taking an interest in talking with Kirishima, Tsuyu and Uraraka. I wonder what that’s about!

They seemed afraid to hope — and with Aizawa’s deadpan delivery, it could be anything. I like how this show takes things like liability insurance seriously. It’s a small thing; and maybe I shouldn’t get so excited about it. But it’s the kind of thing that makes the world feel real.

In the closing scene, we find out that it all comes together, in that not only will Deku have to keep an eye on Overhault, but he actually meets him and (ED unicorn girl) Eri in person during the after-credits tag. Exciting things are certainly coming up!

In my notes, I said that scene “felt like doom.” The anguish on Eri’s face as she looked back at Overhaul, the calm glowering power coming from Overhaul himself, and Deku’s usual open expression just seemed to set the stage. I have no idea what’s coming; I’ve not read the manga. But that scene felt momentous.

Next episode is promising!

As I was listening to Aizawa explain the background considerations of hero internship, it struck me yet again how much I like the core premise. Although My Hero Academia doesn’t beat us over the head with it, but it is stated right from season 1 (and whispered throughout) that in a world of heroes for hire and morals for money, virtue becomes irrelevant. The strength of your character is secondary to the marketability of your skill.

This isn’t a very hopeful message, and you may think I’m way off the mark as the universe of My Hero Academia has always been presented to us through Deku’s rose coloured glasses. But there have been a lot of hints to that effect. I mean the entire character of Endeavour is pretty much a personification of this. And I like this theme. I don’t think it will be pleasant to see Deku run up against these bitter realities, but it’s something I have never seen properly explored in a tale for all audiences and I hope I do get to see it in My Hero Academia.

You have this amazing habit of zeroing in on the heart of the matter. I was thinking about that as I watched Nighteye once again disrespect a character (seriously, I’m really angry with him for how he treated Bubble Girl). It’s the classic “might makes right,” but far from being a cliche, the writers are dramatizing its effects through this whole world. It’s the theme that made Stain such a viscerally powerful villain. I couldn’t bring myself to say he was wrong. His reaction to the problem of heroes not being heroic was extreme, but he was right.

And so are you.

The reason I still have any respect for heroes is because of individual heroes, like Deku, All Might, Aizawa, and even Mirio. There are others, of course, but even among our cast, as you mentioned, Baku is half villain himself!

I, too, really hope we see this idea develop during this season.

Another element I’m basing this impression on is the subtle running theme of “faking it”. It doesn’t matter how weak, scared or defeated you feel, a hero must appear strong and in control. That’s All Might’s entire schtick. Be a “symbol”, inspire the masses! It’s really endearing but it does work both ways.

It doesn’t matter how cruel, greedy or ruthless you are, as long as you LOOK the part, as long as you can give a heartwarming interview, then you two can be a symbol of justice. We heard Nighteye say it again. You can”t let them know you’re worried. Authenticity is a weakness, and weakness is bad….

I actually hurt my neck I was nodding so hard in agreement. Based on the previous, it looks like my idea won’t pan out, but do you think that All Might might have chosen Izuku as the next One for All precisely because he’s different? Precisely because his goodness comes first, literally before his heroism, and everything in him flows from that?

In other words, is All Might trying to change what it means to be a hero? Even if I’m wrong, I love how they’re playing with this idea.

That would be sweet. Mind you I have a feeling All Might isn’t all that great at planning ahead. He never really had to after all. With that quirk, he could power through any situation, and later on, Nighteye would have been there to advise him and he sees the future! We’ve seen All Might get himself in sticky situations a lot because he didn’t consider his health or took things for granted. He’s a bit prone to acting first. I think that may be a factor in why he chose Deku. The boy seemed like a hero in the moment.

After these three episodes I have come to realize something, I much prefer to binge My Hero Academia. Don’t get me wrong, I’m enjoying watching along, a lot in fact. But the momentum of the story just doesn’t suit bite-size in my opinion. I would have watched these last three episodes and probably a few more in a single setting easily, and that would have made a cohesive opening arc. As it is, I’m sort of waiting for the story to get started almost a month in.

I can’t find any flaws in your logic! But as I think back across these three episodes, that last shot of Overhaul, Eri, and Deku keeps coming back to me. If we consider the first three episodes as the tag, maybe things are about to kick into high gear. And I can’t wait!

My Hero Academia s4 ep66 – Looming Darkness Halloween is just around the corner and although this episode of My Hero Academia may have seemed fairly cheerful on the surface, there is a darkness brewing that is slowly starting to weigh everything down…

#action #anime #blonde bishie #Collab #episodic #My Hero Academia #shonen

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dent-de-leon · 6 years

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I’m antish/eith in part because Keith has to grow up. Shiro—er, Kuron—is hindering his development just by being there. I hope they can resolve this issue soon.

To be honest, I don’t understand this concept. And I’ve heard it before. This idea that Shiro is just a stepping stone for Keith, or even worse–that he’s holding him back. If you only have one friend, if you’ve been abandoned and turned on all your life, if you had only one person you can count on, a single constant, is it “growing up” to give them up? “My life would be a whole lot different without you.” “Shiro is the one person who never gave up on me, I won’t give up on him.” Shiro didn’t make Keith’s life worse, he changed it for the better.

Before Shiro, Keith had nothing. No one. He was abandoned by his parents. He lived in fear of abandonment because, as he says, “Maybe, I’m naturally untrusting because my mom left me? And so, instead of accepting people into my life, I push them away before they reject me. I guess I have some walls up…” Shiro and the garrison were likely all he had. We know this is true, because after Shiro disappears, Keith leaves. He isolates himself in the desert for a year, because he has nothing left to lose.

I see people say that Keith needs to “get over Shiro” all the time, that somehow him falling for Lance would be far more meaningful development because being “too close” to someone, sharing in unconditional love and support, is supposedly childish or wrong. When Keith gets kicked out of the garrison–an orphan with no home, no remaining family, someone who had just lost his only friend in an incredibly tragic incident, Lance’s reaction is to do a victory dance. He’s all excited that Keith’s out of the way and he can further his own piloting career. “Hasta la later, Keith!”

Meanwhile, that boy’s wondering the desert, feeling completely lost and alone. I highly doubt Keith’s the only one that has some growing up to do here, and I refuse to believe losing his only long term support was “helpful.” We’ve seen firsthand what happens when he loses Shiro.

Spiraling into depression isn’t healthy. Watching Keith break down and mourn and grieve all over again, push himself further away from the team and throw himself headlong into danger with reckless abandon, I don’t think anyone can say that’s progress. When Shiro disappears, Keith takes to talking to Black like he’s communicating with Shiro through her. Everyone else calls her the Black Lion. Rather than acknowledge her as a separate entity, Keith says things like, “I know this is what you wanted for me, Shiro. But I’m not you. I can’t lead them like you.” And, “This one’s for you, Shiro.” He latches onto Black as an attempt at clinging onto what little of Shiro he has left. Keith wasn’t healing or growing into a “better” person. He was suffering the entire time.

So let’s talk about what Shiro has done for Keith’s development, because the answer is–way more than anybody else. We’ve already established that, in Keith’s own words, Shiro has 1) Completely changed his life, and 2) Has been the only person to never abandon him. Not Lance. Not Allura. Not Team Voltron. Just Shiro. When Keith goes through his BOM trial, arguably one of his paramount moments of character development, who spurs that growth and change? Shiro. Shiro was the one by his side the entire time, the one he desperately wanted to see, the person who came rushing to his aid immediately.

There’s a reason none of the other paladins appear to tempt Keith. It’s because his bond with Shiro was always what mattered most, the most tempting lure his mind could offer. And it’s how much he cares for Shiro that becomes his salvation as well. “Nothing was worth Shiro’s pain.” That’s why he gives up the knife and is able to awaken his blade.

Or, let’s talk about season 3, how Keith only pilots the Black Lion to honor Shiro’s wishes, how he’s the one we feel Shiro’s loss through, how he’s searching for a way to save him the entire time. How there are numerous parallels between sheith and zaggar, how their storylines inevitably intertwine, echoing a tragedy of 10,000 years ago as they tempt the same fate. Let’s talk about how Keith and Shiro’s bond is one of the main overarching themes, as is Keith’s devoted loyalty to Shiro, his vow to save him “As many times as it takes,” just like how Zarkon risks everything to save Haggar before him.

Or, let’s talk about Keith’s galra nature. How Shiro was the only one who accepted him without question and immediately showed his unconditional support. Let’s talk about how he’s been helping Keith embrace his identity long before that. How galra suffer from very volatile, painfully, viscerally intense emotions. How Keith was unequipped to handle those feelings, never grew up with essential coping mechanisms. How it was Shiro who was able to help him remain calm and taught him vital coping methods to stave off sensory overload. As Lauren clarified, these volatile emotions are an inherently galran trait, and it’s understandable that this would cause immense stress and meltdowns. Shiro was the only one able to alleviate that pain, to try and help anchor Keith and teach him how to cope:

Joaquim: “[Keith] latches onto Shiro at times because Shiro’s sort of the only thing that can really calm him down and keep him in check.” (source).

Lauren: “It’s kind of exasperated by the fact that Shiro’s gone. Like he’s having a hard time dealing with it, he doesn’t really know how to feel. And I think he just goes back to that inner part of himself where it’s just—he can’t control his emotions. And that comes from the galra side.” (source).

Similarly, Alfor mentions that Honerva really “softened up” Zarkon. In much the same way, Shiro was able to help Keith. And we know those grounding methods really stuck with him and continue to be helpful over a year later, because Keith still uses them when he’s overwhelmed. That’s why his mantra is “Patience yields focus.” “That really stayed with you, didn’t it?” It did, and it meant more to Keith than he could say. In light of all that, I don’t see how Shiro’s just “holding him back.”

Or, let’s consider season 4, and how a big part of why Keith even left the team was for Shiro’s sake. Because he believed in Shiro. Or, to quote one of my previous meta:

Just like he’s always believed. “Shiro, you are the rightful leader of this team. And you proved it today by reconnecting with the Black Lion. It was always meant to be yours.” A good portion of the reason why he even distanced himself from the team in the first place is because he refuses to take Shiro’s place away from him, because he still believes in him more than anything. And that’s directly stated on the show–“He can finally be the leader I was unable to be. I’m not meant to pilot the Black Lion.” “Is that why you’ve been pulling away from us?”

To say that Shiro has stunted Keith’s character development when he’s proven to be a major catalyst for a lot of Keith’s growth and motives is just…incredibly counterintuitive. Even more so when you consider that having Keith lose Shiro for good would go against the heart and soul of the story. Zarkon was very attached to Honerva as well, and he ended up making a poor decision that caused a lot of destruction. But the point isn’t “you have to give up on the people you love” or “you have to make these kinds of sacrifices.” That was never the point. Because Keith already lost Shiro twice. He never properly moved on from the grieving phase during Kerberos. If the lesson he needed to learn was, You have to let Shiro go, then why have Keith painfully endure the entire mourning process again just to ultimately tear Shiro away from him?

Keith having someone to believe in isn’t childish. He doesn’t need to grow out of trust. Quite the contrary, the fact that he was able to open up so much to Shiro at all represents some much needed, monumental character development. He tenses up when others hug him, but with Shiro he melts. He and Shiro allow each other to see vulnerabilities they never bare to anyone else. Keith has lived his whole life shoving others away in fear of rejection. To say that he needs to let go of the one person he loves and trusts unconditionally, the single person that Keith’s let down all his walls around–that’s a severe loss of character development. As is trying to teach him the lesson that he’ll never be happy, that he must always sacrifice again and again, that there’s no way for love to win. “As many times as it takes.” He’s staying with Shiro until the very end. That’s who he is.

And Shiro’s so much more than just a stepping stone for Keith. He’s his own person too, and he and Keith mutually rely on one another even when torn apart by the universe.

#sheith #voltron #keith #shiro #takashi shirogane

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