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pebblysand · 2 months

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hello! you may find the entire playlist on spotify here. below is some more information on my song choices.

Castle by Eminem: very anticlimactic but i will only really be able to explain this one after the last chapter comes out. so, come back in a bit ^^.

Things We Lost In The Fire by Bastille: it's funny, i'm a massive bastille fan but it didn't really hit me how castles that song is until i went to see them live last summer. i remember being in the crowd and thinking to myself: god this is so on point. i think the lyric that gets me most is: the future's in our hands and we will never be the same again. there's such a dichotomy to that and it's so representative of what is happening in this chapter, which is harry and the trio sort of reconning with the concept of time and the post-war state of things and: now what? the excitement of: we survived and the future's in our hands, but also we'll never be the same again because we lost all these things (people) in the fire (war). i just find it very apt.

O Children by Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds: firstly, i love that song, i thing it's beautiful and it just nails that post-war tone of the early chapters. the cleaners are coming one by one, they measure the room, they know the score, etc. secondly, this is obviously the harry& hermione song, which is a massive vibe and plot point of this chapter. i will defend the dance to my dying day, i think it's one of the most beautiful scenes in the whole film and those who don't like it because of the harmony vibes are wrong. that's it 😅.

UNHEALTHY by Anne-Marie: this is a more recent addition, but doesn't this song kind of have early harry/ginny vibes? i'll let you listen and be the judge.

Wonderwall by Oasis: harry mentions oasis in this chapter, so of course i had to add this. i have listened to this song so much in the past 20 years, i can't even tell if i like it or not. anyway, here's wonderwall 😅.

Pompeii by Bastille: ah. the infamous break down of everything. as i've already said, absolutely love bastille, and this one is a classic.

Shadow Preachers by Zella Day: i added this one more recently but i feel like it also had very strong early harry/ginny vibes. i also like that it sounds a bit similar-ish to pompeii in that sort of break down of everything vibe. there's a sort of desperation to that song that i feel really fits well.

Place de la République by Coeur de Pirate: firstly, if you think of coeur de pirate as comme des enfants and don't know anything else from her, i am begging you to open to your heart to her other songs/albums, she's incredible. secondly, i've always loved this song. it so well captures this sort of regretful break up situation where she is breaking up with someone because of distance and giving them one last chance to show up and they don't. i feel like it's very much a ginny song in chapter 3, this way she doesn't really want to break up with harry but has to. it's just 😫.

Someone You Loved by Lewis Capaldi: i've gone back and forth a lot on this song, whether to include it or not. it's almost Too Much. but, also, harry is a bit Too Much in this, so it just fits.

Achilles Come Down by Gang of Youths: this is... very literal, i don't think i need to explain. i will say, for a very long time, i didn't know where the french bits were from. it sounded like some sort of documentary about suicide, which i thought was odd, but it's actually a reading of the myth of sisyphus by albert camus. i've never read it because i've only ever read camus's fiction, but he is one of my favourite french authors, so i was happy to find that out. it works with the song incredibly well, obviously.

Hell or Highwater by Passenger: we're back with the break up songs. i love this one because it very much is about the confusion and the not knowing what caused the break up, which i think is very fitting for harry, here. i also just love the writing in this song, the way he uses the "hell or highwater" saying in a different way - it's a song i very much love, even outside of castles.

Six Degrees of Separation by The Script: idk, this song has such strong 2000s vibes, and it's so break-up-y dramatic - it just fits, you know? 😅.

Giants by Dermot Kennedy: this playlist supports irish artists! ✊🏻 jokes aside, i kind of see this song as having a bit of a double-meaning here. like, of course, it's hinny break up song and plays - again - to that lack of understanding (we used to be giants, when did we stop?) but i also see it as reflective of harry's broader state of mind. it's this post-war confusion of: we used to do these great, important things, and what is our purpose, now? obviously, this first arc is very much about finding a reason to live after the war, so i feel like this song works for both plotlines.

As It Was by Harry Styles: i'm not a massive harry styles fan so the first time i ever heard this song was when he was on tour and the 'LEAVE AMERICA' trend was all over tiktok. and, i don't know, the moment i heard the song as a whole i was like, 'fuck, this is such a castles song!' especially of that early, post-war, confused era of: 'harry what are you doing sitting at home on the floor, what kind of pills are you on?' it just had to be in this playlist.

Fear of Fear by Passenger: this song is just a mood. i feel like it could play over a montage of the weeks passing in chapter four, and harry just going to work, trying to sleep, and going running in the night.

Le vent nous portera by Noir Désir: there's two reasons why this song is here. firstly, i feel like it signifies healing and the passage of time, which works very well with this chapter. it's a gorgeous song and has this idea of the wind just blowing the hardships away, an "it'll be alright" motto that i love. but also, what my international audience might not know is that this song is highly controversial - bertrand cantat, the lead singer of the band, beat his girlfriend - french actress marie trintignant - to death in 2003. he was arrested, went to jail - if you are french, just know that i'm not going to get into the Debate of whether he should still played/be listened to, etc. we all have our opinions and whichever way you're leaning i'm not going to change yours but i just wanted to note that i wouldn't have put this song in the playlist for any other chapter. but with the added theme of DV in the case giulia and harry work on here, i felt it was fitting.

Brave by Sara Bareilles: this is obviously giulia's pep-talk song haha! harry, get out of your rut, and be brave. i love it.

You're Not Special, Babe by Orla Gartland: i love this song. and, again, it's very giulia. i feel like both of these last songs for this chapter have this vibe of her telling harry to just get off his arse and do something, which is what he needed at that point. quit moping around, quit blaming yourself, you're not that special. it's really the kick off, onto chapter five.

Insomnia by Ren: ah, ren. if you've been following the playlist for a while, you will have noticed that i had a major ren moment between the end of 2023 and the start of 2024 and added, like, fifteen millions of his songs to the playlist. i feel like castles generally has such a ren "vibe" to it, which is wild because i didn't find him until well into writing the story. this song has this incredible line: i used to use drinking as a way to stop thinking and my problems with drinking made me feel like i was sinking, so i dried up my drinking and then i couldn't sleep a wink, and now i'm thinking, now i'm thinking, now i'm thinking, now i'm thinking about nothing. fucking nothing. and everything and nothing - i hate not sleeping. this is so on point for this chapter, which has harry's insomnia stalking those post-war months, and i absolutely love it.

The Last Unicorn by Passenger: ah, the first mia song 😫. my child. this is so scarily on point.

J'écoute du Miles Davis by Navii: this is really one of the core, OG castles songs as far as i'm concerned. i remember listening to it on loop very early on, writing the early chapters. i love the chorus of 'Et le temps passe' (and time passes) - it's this factual statement that i feel is very castles. "Time just - passes."

The Way I Am by Eminem: i was so mad to find out i couldn't use this song in text because it came out in 2001. obviously, very related to the press, fame, etc. which are topical for this chapter.

Dominoes by Ren: i added this one fairly recently. it's one of those songs that isn't precisely topical to the chapter itself, but i really liked the riff of "we fall like dominoes, dominoes, falling". it echoes that thing harry says about how he's afraid to fold because if the "leader" falls, then everyone comes cascading down. i felt like there's an interconnection in that song that resonates, here. and also, i think the thing about public perception and body shaming is also somewhat related to the treatment of girls in harry's life in the press.

Read All About It, Part III by Emili Sandé: i thought most people would already know this song because it was featured so prominently in the 2012 London Olympics, but i suppose it still didn't make it to america, 'cause i've had quite a few comments from people saying the playlist was the first time they'd heard it. anyway, it's obviously about harry using his voice and finally talking to the press, and it's amazing :).

Babylon by Barns Courtney: the vibes of this song feel like the fall of a civilisation and "the walls are caving in, you're paying for your sins" and... yeah. idk, i see this as the theme song to the whole battle scene at the lace mill.

What He Wrote by Laura Marling: this was always Giulia's "song" in my head, i'm not even sure why. it's got nothing to do with her but just based on vibes. i listened to this on loop writing her death. and, also, the connection with Peaky Blinders, which heavily inspired the first act of castles.

Fourth of July by Sufjan Stevens: this is just... a beautiful song about death lol. how cheerful 😅.

All My Tears by Ane Brun: and... another one, lol. also, another connection to PB.

Jimmy by Moriarty: i only have two songs for this chapter, probably because it used to be paired with chapter six so i initially didn't think of it as an independent item. anyway, this is one of my favourite songs in the world, and it's recently come to my attention that it fit quite well in here, with this idea of "coming home" (to the burrow, in harry's case. i feel like it works well with the general mood of the chapter.

CORALINE by Måneskin: ah. coraline, coraline, di me la tua verita... this is the beginning of harry, and ginny, and the letters, really.

Zombie by The Cranberries: canonically, Mia is a fan and while two cranberries songs are mentioned in this chapter, i always felt like this one fit better. first, because it's about a civil war that, in many ways, resembled the wizarding war. second, because i've always sort of thought as amycus as a bit of a zombie. like, he's dead but he still plagues ginny (and later harry) with the things he's done and their ramifications.

Rather Die by Barns Courtney: obviously, i'm a massive fan of barns courtney and i've always felt this song is very ginny during the war. basically, 'i'd rather die than give in.'

Repeat After Me by KONGOS: this song is obviously about the absolutist christian faith and someone trying to escape it, but i think there's something so rhythmic about it. in my head, i could see it playing over a montage of the DA pulling off stunts, getting attacked, getting back up again, fighting again, losing again, etc. there's also the 'repeat after me' of indoctrination that could very much apply to the ministry's propaganda. i remember listening to this song so much as i was writing this chapter, just to remind myself of the relentless sort of pacing i wanted to achieve.

Dopamine by Barns Courtney: okay so. this is the song of this chapter. i know it feels like it's not really about this chapter (it's clearly about drug addiction) but you cannot possibly imagine the number of times i listened to it as i was writing. i don't know. i love everything about it. the loud rock and instrumentals, the production, the lyrics. if we end it all, at least you're by my side. we could never die. and this: it's always the same. see the drink couldn't wash out the taste of your name. i literally think it's one of my favourite songs ever, and one of my favourite sentences ever written. i think in my head it's a bit about ginny sinking, about amycus, about harry. about everything. i would say dopamine is probably one of the most important songs in this playlist. i am so attached to it.

Thirteen Thirtyfive by Dillon: and... the last song. i will say this: i have since learnt that this song is about a woman who has lost a child (either through miscarriage, abortion or death after birth, it's not clear) and is reminiscing about what her life could have been. that is... not how i initially interpreted it. you may listen and come to your own conclusions. if you interpret it like the above, maybe it fits with pansy's story. if you don't... well. you'd be thirteen, i'd be thirty-five, gone to find a place for us to hide. be together but alone, as the need for it has grown. make of that what you will.

#castles

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kelieah · 1 year

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life updates and a long awaited face reveal <3

hi my loves. it’s been a long long time. i miss you all so much. the friendships i’ve made on here, the stories, everything. i’ve been so back and forth on here, saying i’ll start writing again and blah blah. so just to explain why i’ve been gone so many times, i’m going to give you all a semi-quick update/summary.

first of all, whether you know me or not… hi, i’m kelly! i’m eighteen, almost nineteen (may second is my birthday) and this is me :)

also now that i've faced revealed and am comfortable sharing more of my socials, here you go! instagram: @kellymagtibay (main) @pterscindy (aesthetic spam) @pterscindyspam (sht post spam), tiktok: @kellymagtibay (main), @pterscindy (spam), snapchat: @keli.hm

i am most active on instagram and tiktok! and if we're pretty close and or you prefer to text, feel free to ask for my number.

been pretty occupied with going to work and school part-time. and finally having friends, whom i’m still trying to keep in touch with and spend time with. all while still trying to take care of myself. i’m finally and fortunately on anti-depressants and going to therapy now so yay! lots of ups and downs, a lot more ups now. so again, yay. one thing i've definitely learned so far, is that getting back into the groove of things takes time and that i shouldn't try to go back to being my old self. i should focus on growing, flourishing, and becoming myself again, a different but the same self. anyway, one of the things i would love to get back into is writing. so if any of you would like to help, by all means, whether it’s reaching out, sending me your own work to read or help out with, requesting or giving ideas, please. i’d love it. i miss you all. i miss it here. i miss the beautiful works and creators. i promise i promise i’ll be more consistent. because i want to be back, i want to write again.

if you’ve made it this far, thank you. i hope we catch up, or i can’t wait to get to know you. much love, kelly

going to tag some a bunch of friends and people i follow in hopes to catch up!

@devotion @yourstrulyamour @darlingholland @kyber-crystal @toms-gf @asonofpeter @neverstaisfied @spideyspeaches @yelenasdog @saturnpeter @evermoreholland @evermoresilk @arvinsescape @arvinsvintage @ms-misery @parkerpeter24 @deaddovecoterie @peterbenjiparker @peterpparkerwrites @marvelouspeterparker @ptergwen @moonys-bf @sourholland

@ellebutnotwoods @reawritesthings @itsalyssajo @thatwriterkei @lovers-liability @lilbeatlebear @dhtomholland @selfcarecap @petersgroupie @venniespee @petershbw @peanut-butter-lys @vendettaparker @claireunoia @refairy @veryholland @moonys-bf @supremethunda @harry-hollands @t-lostinworlds @lovelybarnes @greenorangevioletgrass @allegras-sunflower @tommysparker

#kelly is typing...#face reveal #life update

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its-vannah · 2 years

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Illicit Affairs - Bill Weasley x Reader

A/N: Hey, guys! It's been a few days (almost a week) since I posted. Here's a little something I've been working on. I'm quite proud of it. The perfect amount of angst and fluff. Hope you guys enjoy! Click here to check out my other Bill x Reader fic, All Too Well.

Song: Illicit Affairs - Taylor Swift

Part Two

Word Count: 3,155

Warnings: Cheating, crying, mention of "shagging" (just the word used), kissing, saying goodbye, fluff, angst.

"Look," He said softly, brushing the hair away from your face, tucking a strand behind your ear, "It's… complicated…"

You shook your head, "How is it complicated, Bill? I'm in love with you."

"Kid…"

"Don't call me kid!" You exclaimed, your whole body shaking as tears began spilling down your cheeks. Your fists were clenched by your sides as Bill wrapped his arms around you.

After debating whether or not to return the embrace, you felt yourself leaning into his chest as he stroked your hair. His button-up was stained with your tears, but you couldn't care less. Clinging onto him, you allowed the tears to fall, not caring who saw or heard them. And Bill held you, shushing you softly, before lifting you into his arms and carrying you to bed.

Holding you in one arm, Bill pulled back your quilt, setting you down onto the mattress, pulling the fabric back up over you.

By the time your head hit the pillow, you were fast asleep, your chest rising steadily as you sunk into the sheets. Bill climbed into bed beside you, opting to stay above the covers, his hand sliding up and down your side until he was sure you wouldn't wake up.

When you woke up a few hours later, you couldn't bring yourself to open your eyes. Because deep down, you knew he was gone. You could feel it. The emptiness of your bed without him. Your heart ached for him to be back with you, so you did the only thing you knew how to do: you shut down. Burying your head into your pillow, you allowed your sobs to take control over you. But you kept your eyes closed. You knew that if you opened them, you'd see what was right in front of you: an empty space.

Bill walked up the steps of The Burrow, waving his wand and muttering "alohamora" to open the door. Once inside, he slipped out of his cloak, placing it in the closet by the living room. Slipping off his shoes, he made his way up the creaky steps to his room. But he seemed to have forgotten one important detail: he wasn't alone.

Before he could even reach his room, Fred and George appeared before him, pretending to check an imaginary watch and shaking their heads.

"You're late, Billy." Fred said, placing his hands on his hips.

George snickered, "I didn't think Fleur would be the type to keep you out all night."

When Bill didn't respond, Fred let out a gasp, "Unless…"

"You weren't with Fleur." George finished, casting a glance to his twin before shoving his older brother in his room.

Once the three Weasley's were crammed inside Bill's bedroom, the twins ushered their brother to the bed, forcing him to sit.

"Mind telling us what's going on, Billy?" Fred asked, tapping his foot, "Fleur's a very beautiful girl, what is she- one thirty-forth Veela?"

"No, Freddie, a quarter Veela." George smirked, nudging his brother in the ribs.

Fred grinned, "Even better!"

Bill rolled his eyes, "Are you guys done yet?"

"Not until you tell us what's going on."

"Nothing's going on," The eldest Weasley hissed, "And if something were, it wouldn't concern either of you."

Fred raised his brows, "You see, Bill, it does. Because we know exactly what's been happening. You can thank our newest invention for that. An extendable ear. Quite handy, if I do say so myself."

Bill's eyes widened, "What exactly do you know?"

"Oh, no, we're keeping that to ourselves. No need for you to know."

"None of your concern," George quipped, earning a laugh from his brother.

"Tell me!" Bill screamed, his eyes filled with anger, "So help me Godric if you two don't tell me what you know-"

Fred held his hands up, "Woah, woah, Billy, no need to be so hostile."

"We're not telling you anything until you 'fess up. So go ahead and tell us about your little lady friend."

He sighed, laying back on his bed, "You won't give up, will you?"

"Nope," They answered, sitting on the edge of his bed, "Go on, Billy, tell us."

"It all started in my third year…"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Year 2

Bill watched as you waved your wand, sending a blast of fire towards a practice dummy, sending it flying back. A smile spread on his face as you turned towards him, excitedly grinning from ear to ear. Before either of you knew what you were doing, your arms were wrapped around one another, holding each other in a tight embrace.

"You were fantastic, Y/N!' Bill exclaimed, pulling away from the hug, "I reckon we'll be breaking through that cursed ice in no time."

"You really think so?" You asked, gazing up at him through your lashes, feeling the heat on your cheeks.

He nodded, taking your shoulders in his hands and craning his head to be at eye level with you, "You're going to do great things, kid."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Seems innocent enough." Fred said, crossing his arms, "But remind me how much older you are than her?"

"Two years," Bill answered, "We met when I was in my fourth year and she was in her second."

"So you were falling for a twelve year old?" George asked, sticking out his tongue in mock disgust.

He shook his head, "No, it wasn't like that. Not then, at least."

"So when was it like that?" George questioned, raising a brow.

"I'll tell you when I get there," Bill grumbled, "Now let me tell my story…"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Year 2

"Bill!" You exclaimed, rushing over to him to break him free from the ice. His freckled face was turning blue, ice beginning to crawl up his throat.

"Incendio!" You shouted, waving your wand. The ice surrounding him broke away, leaving a shivering Bill who rushed towards you, pressing an innocent kiss to the top of your head as you apologized.

He let out a breathy laugh, rubbing his arms up and down to warm himself, "I'm alright, kid."

"Are you sure?" You asked, voice quivering as you looked him up and down.

Nodding, Bill smiled, "I'm more worried about you, honestly."

"What about me?"

"It's not important, let's get this ice under control, yeah?"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"You never told us you got trapped in ice!" Fred huffed, his forehead creased, "That would've been so much fun!"

"Believe me, it was not."

George smirked, "But you had someone to warm you up…"

"George! She was twelve!"

He held up his hands in mock defeat, "Continue…"

"In our third year, I told her about this girl I liked. Her name was Emily. I claimed to be in love with her, so I tasked Y/N with asking her if I had any chance with her."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Year 3

You clenched your fist, brows furrowed in anger as Emily mocked the Weasley family.

"The Weasley's may be good-looking, but that's about the only thing they're good for," Emily snorted, "They don't have money or manners, and there's too many of them to keep track of for my liking. Honestly-"

"Shut it!" You hissed, stomping your foot into the ground, "The Weasley's are the kindest, most welcoming Wizarding Family I've ever met, and I won't take you dragging their name through the ground! Bill Weasley is a better wizard than you'll ever be. He's kind, he's smart, and talented, and he certainly wouldn't disrespect another family! You don't deserve him, Emily!"

She raised her brows, "Maybe he doesn't deserve me."

"He doesn't deserve to be treated badly by you," Anger flared in your eyes as you spoke, "You're just jealous that he's too good for you."

Emily stuck her nose up, "So be it, I wasn't interested anyway."

The two of you walked separate ways, with her heading towards The Three Broomsticks to gossip and you stomping away with your arms crossed, determined to reveal Emily's true colors to Bill.

But unbeknownst to you, he had heard the whole exchange. Although he was devastated that Emily had broken his heart, he was disappointed that she had disrespected his family, but he couldn't help being proud of you for standing up for him. In that moment, his heart beat faster. You and him… Could it… but he shook the thoughts out of his head. No, it couldn't.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Remind me what her name was?" George said angrily, "I've got some Wildfire Wizbangs coming her way and-"

Bill shook his head, "Good luck getting to her. She'll have your names plastered all over the paper. Works for Rita Skeeter now."

Fred rolled his eyes, "I'd like her to have a piece of my mind… no one talks down on the Weasley's and gets away with it."

"Can I get on with it now?"

The twins nod and their brother continues, "In my sixth year, I had a new feeling… something I hadn't felt before…"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Year 4

As soon as Charlie sauntered into The Three Broomsticks, a model of a dragon clutched in his hands, Bill knew he had made a mistake. Your eyes lit up upon seeing the second-born Weasley brother, and you extended your hand.

Charlie looked down at you awkwardly, shaking your hand with three fingers, "Charlie Weasley."

"My younger brother." Bill interupted, tapping his foot aggressively on the floor.

"Y/N L/N." You smiled, returning your hand to your lap.

As Bill watched you and Charlie talk among yourselves, he was hit with a pang of jealousy. So he threw back butterbeer, hoping the sweet flavor would wash over him and throw his jealousy out the window. But it didn't. It got worse. And all he could do was sit there and watch it happen.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"You're telling me that Y/N had the hots for Charlie?" Fred questioned, staring down at his brother.

Bill groaned, "She swears she didn't, that she doesn't, but in the moment, I got ahead of myself. I was beyond jealous and I couldn't bring myself to realize why."

"Oh, Billy, you're in deep." Fred laughed.

George let out a sigh, "Keep going, Billy, we don't have all night."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Year 5

You chewed at your bottom lip, standing before Bill with your hands clasped behind your back. Your eyes were stinging with tears at the thought of saying goodbye to one of your closest friends. You had known this day would come, but you hadn't been prepared for it.

"Bill, I-" But you were cut off when his arms wrapped around you, enveloping you in a bone-crushing hug. You placed your hands on his bag, tears spilling onto his robes as he rubbed circles into your back.

"Y/N, can I be honest?" He asked, his cheeks a shade of pink.

Nodding, he continued, "Out of all the friends I've made here at Hogwarts, I think I'm going to miss you the most."

"Bill, I'm going to miss you, too," You said through the tears.

He pressed a thumb to your cheek, wiping the droplets away before they could fall down your face.

"You'll visit, won't you?" You asked, "In Hogsmeade?"

"I'll be there," Bill smiled, "But only if you promise to visit the Burrow."

You nodded, a sad smile on your face, "I promise."

Bill looked behind him, watching as students moved towards the exit. Looking back at you, he pressed a kiss to your head, "I'll see you around, kid."

"See you…"

Your heart broke a bit that day, watching him walk away. But nothing could prepare you for what would happen years later.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Year 6

Walking into Defense Against the Dark Arts, you felt a flutter in your chest. For the first time in nearly a year, you'd be able to see Bill Weasley- and you couldn't be happier.

You walked in with a slight skip in your step, Charlie trailing behind you.

Upon pushing the door open, a certain ginger smiled at you, "Miss me, kid?"

Rushing towards him, you practically knocked him to the ground, "More than you know."

It wasn't until Charlie cleared his throat as other students began piling in that the two of you broke away from your embrace, looking nervously in opposite directions.

"Now that the reunion's out of the way, we can move on to the big question: What are you doing here?"

As Bill began explaining, you couldn't help but notice the empty space on his robe. He didn't have his prefect badge anymore. Not that he would, having graduated, but it made your heart sink even further in your chest. Things were changing, too fast.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Not twelve anymore, is she?"

"Shut it, George." Bill huffed, rolling his eyes.

George shook his head, "Really, Bill, two years isn't that bad."

"It's bad when she's in her sixth year and I've already graduated."

"Depends on how you look at it." Fred noted, "So when did you see her next?"

"With dad, actually."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Year 7

"Y/N? Is that you?"

Turning around, you saw a familiar ginger standing behind you, his hair swaying by his shoulders. Within seconds of seeing your face, he was stumbling towards you like a child in Honeydukes, gripping his father's hand and leading him towards you.

After seeing a knowing look on his father's face, Bill let go and cleared his throat, "Y/N, this is my father, Arthur Weasley."

"Bill," You laughed, "We've met."

Turning to Arthur, you smiled, "It's good to see you again, Mr. Weasley."

"Good to see you, too, Miss Y/N."

"So what are you doing here?" Bill asked, searching your eyes for an answer.

You sighed, shaking your head, "It's a long story that I'll explain later. Now, I've got to convince them to allow me in without credentials."

"We can vouch for you, if you'd like." Bill offered, a dreamy smile on his face.

"You'd really do that?"

He nodded, "Anything for you."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Almost forgot she came over on holiday." Fred said, crossing his legs, "She was stunning then, I want to know how she looks now."

Bill grumbled, "She's too old for you, Fred."

"And according to you, too young for you." George quipped, turning to face his brother, "So, tell me, Billy, how exactly did you end up where you are now? You've got the job, you've got a girl, but you keep going back to her. Why?"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

It had been four years since you had seen Bill Weasley. And now, seeing him walk into the conference room, cuts littering his arms, you couldn't help but take it all in. He had a fang hanging from one year, his ginger hair was combed back, and he was dressed far nicer than you had remembered.

Once his eyes met yours, he made his way towards you, slipping into a seat beside you as one of the Head Auror rambled on about protecting Gringotts.

The two of you stole small glances at one another during the meeting, which seemed to last for ages. When it was all said and done, your chairs were mere inches away from each other, your hand slipped in his. It was innocent. At least, that's what you kept telling yourself.

It wasn't until you started getting frequent owls from Bill that you started wondering if the two of you had something more.

Your first kiss had happened fast. Bill was going on about Gringotts and how little budgeting they had, on the brink of hyperventilation, when you had pressed a kiss to his lips. You hadn't expected him to lean into it, but you had been wrong. Before either of you knew what was happening, you were pushed up against your desk as he deepened the kiss, your hands running through his hair as he held your face in his hands.

When he had pulled away, he muttered a small goodbye and left without another word.

Not even a month later, he was galivanting around Diagon Alley with Fleur Delacour on his arm.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"That was your own bloody fault, you twat!" George exclaimed, whacking his brother in the stomach.

"Oof!" Bill groaned, propping himself up, "It was a mistake, alright? A big one."

Fred was silent for a moment, a rarity for him, "Which part?"

"What?" Bill asked softly, a frown on his face.

"Kissing her or leaving her?"

He shook his head, "Leaving."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

When you saw Bill a few months later, you could hardly be in the same room as him, let alone look at him. He kept waiting for you to meet his gaze, so he could ask you to speak with him privately, but you never did.

It was until the meeting was over that he barred you from leaving, begging for you to hear him out.

You told him he had a minute to state his case and then you were leaving.

So he used that minute as best he could, "I'm in love with you, Y/N. I always have been. Granted, it took me a while to figure it out, and an even longer time to admit it, but I can't not be with you. We make sense, kid. So few things make sense."

He allowed you to process the words. And next thing you knew, you were kissing him all over again. You knew it was wrong- he was with Fleur. But in that moment you didn't care. He loved you like you loved him. And that was all that mattered.

So when a few months later, he hadn't called things off with her, you were starting to get nervous. You hated the secrecy and betrayal of it all. You felt bad for Fleur, you ached for his company, and you felt sick thinking about the two of them together.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"So are you going to call it off?" George asked with a sigh.

"I dunno," Bill admitted, "I love Y/N more than anything. But I'm scared I'll screw it up again."

Fred rolled his eyes, "You already have. You're shagging the both of them!"

"Fred," Bill warned, "Not now."

"All I'm saying is that you have more history with Y/N. Mum likes her more, anyway. You're her golden child, she'd want you to marry her."

"We're not getting into marriage right now, Fred."

He nodded, "Exactly, not now. But Fleur's a beautiful woman, too, and she'll be waiting for a proposal. You can't keep seeing the both of them. No wonder Y/N's a mess. She's having to share you. And poor Fleur doesn't even know! Look, I'm a bit of an arse-"

"A bit?" Bill interupted, receiving a glare from his brother.

"But I wouldn't do that to a girl. Any girl. Make it right, Bill."

The twins left shortly after, leaving their words behind. Bill layon his bed, staring up at his ceiling and then at his nightstand. A picture of you was haphazardly framed on the top, a bright smile on your face as you drank butterbeer.

He had to make a decision, and he had to make one fast.

#bill weasley #Bill Weasley #harry potter #harry potter fanfiction #fanfiction #harry potter imagines #bill weasley x you #bill weasley x y/n #bill #bill weasley x reader #bill weasley one shot #bill weasley imagine #theseus x reader #hp fanfic #hogwarts mystery #jacob's sibling #bill weasley x jacob's sibling

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horizon-verizon · 16 days

Note

https://www.tumblr.com/wishesofeternity/699562103667851264/daemon-targaryen-rant-incoming-warning-its

curious of your thoughts about this post?

Disclaimers: None of this means you have to like Daemon or approve any of his earlier actions or think he's a good person--bc that was never the argument.

And this post will also be long. There's so much to address, and there's a character limit, so I might miss some or summarize too much.

Them:

Daemon Targaryen, like every other character, possesses the capacity for good and evil and the ability to choose. But morally? Daemon was a child groomer and a pedophile who had physical relations with his teenage niece and a 17-year old girl (he was 50 at the time), and enjoyed sampling young virgins at brothels.

So the quote that they pull, firstly, is this:

“Over the centuries, House Targaryen has produced both great men and monsters. Prince Daemon was both. In his day there was not a man so admired, so beloved, and so reviled in all Westeros. He was made of light and darkness in equal parts. To some he was a hero, to others the blackest of villains.”

And I'll just say that this is written by a character in-world, Gyldayn. It's valuable to keep reminding ourselves that this is a maester who is compiling sources to try to get pictures of who these people were so we can consider how the narrative is being framed. Let's get into it:

Daemon didn't fuck Nettles.

He was however, likely to have been including virgins in his use of sex workers at brothels. I doubt that he only went to brothels for virgins with a Valyrian look, there's no evidence of that. Gross, bc buying sex work itself is already problematic [post abt Mysaria and sex work]. Add deflowering peasant girls maybe as young as 15? yeah...smh

So I would still concede a bit here. Definitely the "darkness" of his past and the "darkness" part of his character.

I've gone back and forth with how we label what he was doing with Rhaenyra after he came back form the Stepstones. Can you put some labels on it, bc under scrutiny there are flaws.

When we think of grooming, we consider it as the older person trying to get the younger psychologically detached from their support system by convincing them that they can only rely on them...and unfortunately, I'd say that of all the people Rhaenyra had then, Daemon was the person who actually was there for her more than any other in her entire life (except maybe Aemma). And I really think he entered KL with the intent to marry Rhaenyra, not to use her up in a similar way that show!Viserys does Alicent. The issue with Dameyra people have is whether or not Daemon married her just to be her consort and rule through her, when by the evidence of F&B, he never tried to overpower her and willfully became her political subordinate similar to how he still followed most and the more important of Viserys' orders (sending Mysaria away the that was literally his first child). A groomer wouldn't tolerate such a gap in power relations.

Rhaenyra didn't follow his advice concerning the Rosby & Stokeworth debacle; his was a kinda suitable compromise even as it shunted the Rosby and Stokeworth girls and I am making commentary on how Daemon tried to plan according for Rhaenyra's future. Daemon might have showed his displeasure, but here and in all their years of marriage, he never seemed to try to overpower her directions until the very last And in that last moment, I suspect that Nettles was either a surrogate daughter or his actual bio daughter.

(I explain about Viserys multiple times, but people can start HERE.)

A difference here is how the relations helped Rhaenrya vs Alicent; Rhaenyra, for better or worse, was Viserys' heir whereas Alicent was a Hightower lady from a second son who could have had any man and still live a better life and has had no other benefit to anyone other than her father, house, herself, and Viserys.

Rhaenyra needed a husband and heirs to be more assured in her queenship role, which in turn could have provided that precedent of female rulership for other women and girls. And quite simply put, the court knowing Laenor had no interest in women presented a glaring problem for the paternity of Rhaenyra' heirs and gave more ammo to her enemies. Yes the Velaryons have their fleet Rhaenyra could use, but a marriage pact with Laena's kids to Rhaenyra's PLUS Princess Rhaenys' relations to Rhaenyra, Viserys, & Daemon had some way of allying Corlys' ambitions to Rhaenyra. It's highly doubtful bk!Rhaenys would just go green, even if Corlys wanted to and neither Baela nor Rhaena existed bc the greens are just more tied to the Hightowers.

Like yes, Daemon giving the gifts to Rhaenyra and spending time with her and making fun of Alicent and her kids for Rhaenrya's amusement--with the knowledge that it didn't come with his pure intentions but partly because he wanted to become her consort--comes across as dangerous for a young girl like Rhaenyra and is certainly has cunning in it. HE also knew that Viserys wouldn't like that Daemon was partly giving such attentions to marry her bc he knows Viserys (stupidly, I might add, again, refer to the post abt Viserys) doesn't trust Daemon to actually work towards the family or really his own political interests, so we can't say that it is exactly Daemon courting her. I also suspect him of being jealous of Daemon, bk or show, bc of their history and what I said about Viserys' insecuriites in the linked post.

To officially "court" someone, their parents or guardians would have to allow the interactions. [again, refer to the linked reblog abt Viserys]. Simultaneously:

Rhaenyra was already being arranged to get married at her age of 15, and by Westerosi larger patriarchal structure she was eligible for marriage even not by being 16, bc exceptions are made for girls in ways they aren't for boys; it's not totally conducive to use her age to something to discourage Daemon from pursuing her IN THIS PARTICULAR CIRCUMSTANCE or this world and in their traditions....which is why I hate real-world modern AUs for ASoIaF characters....her interactions with Daemon before Viserys found out, therefore, arguably display her having more "choice" than otherwise, even though we'd have to now examine how Daemon's specific actions, words, diction, etc. [WHICH WE DON'T HAVE BC THIS SGYLADYN DOESN'T HAVE ACCESS TO SUCH!] are unambiguously him deceiving Rhaenyra, how much are gray-room manipulation, and see how much "choice" Rhaenyra really has and it still wouldn't be the end-all-be all bc of the world they all live in

Viserys would have never let Daemon marry her for the wrong reasons. I don't think Daemon went in with the mind of taking advantage so much as unofficially "court" Rhaenyra in the absence of the permission he'd never obtain to force Viserys' hand. And because of this circumstance limiting both Rhaenyra and Daemon's actions, the whole thing slides into an area of where the already questionable practice of courtship and age gap relations that Westeros already has

One of the best interpretations of Daemon's interactions with Rhaenyra at this time and what I describe are written in sweetestpopcorn's fanfic The Blacks and the Greens HERE. Their Daemon is an asshole who manipulates there. He also becomes, as in canon, devoted to her herself and her cause to become queen, so he willingly serves to be, again, her political subordinate in a way that groomers can't and never can be.

Them:

He was a warmonger and war criminal who began a conquest of the Stepstones, taking all but two islands, ensuring that the people there "learned to fear" his dragon, before abandoning the entire thing because he got bored.

This is what "warmonger" means:

a person who encourages or advocates aggression towards other countries or groups

The Triarchy, or the Kingdom of the Three Daughters (Lys, Myr, Tyrosh), did not manage to keep the pirates they would eventually enable out of this critical piece of land between Essos and Westeros. Traders were getting assaulted and girls were getting kidnapped and trafficked. In the show, Corlys appealed to the crown for years and both bk/show!Viserys ignored the situation in the Stepstones for a long time ("A Question of Succession"):

Yes, Daemon saw in the Stepstones an opportunity to make a name for himself as what is valued in men in this system. But he certainly provoke or encourage the wars' existence because the fighting began 10 yrs before he ever even approached Corlys. There is also no evidence of him manipulating the situation where the fighting actually stopped and it began again due to any action on his part. There simply was a resurgence of enemies to fight.

If they are defining him as a warmonger because he doesn't care too much about stopping fighting or has a bloodlust for it, that's neither what that word means nor is it pathological as they seem to imply it of him. Again this is a feudal world....that rules that the "best" sort of man is a warrior who wins battles. How do young men and boys make names for themselves? By fighting in battles and winning most if not all of the, showing physical and military "prowess". Even Jaehaerys honed his physical skills at 14-15 to prove to others he was a fit king AND tried to get his son Vaegon out of his books and learn more swordsmanship through Baelon. Jaehaerys subscribed much into that warrior-male ideology as most people in their circles did. Rogar sought glory in battle as a way to fix up his reputation from trying to usurp Jaehaerys. Orys Baratheon sought to re-position himself as useful to Aegon I through battling more Dornish. So Daemon's hardly unique enough for his using battle and war to build his reputation or having that desire to use war to advance himself, esp when he knows he's good at it.

This doesn't mean that he is a good person or that we should default back to feudal times or kill people. It means that the OP has a distorted view of Daemon and makes him uniquely evil when he hardly is. If anything, he's in this weird middle area of having that "respect" and having nothing substantial in terms of power on his own besides Caraxes, being good at this one soceity-valued thing, and being related to Viserys or Rhaenyra. So he rather took an opportunity that Viserys left open.

His efforts at the Stepstones actually brought the Stepstones more (if not totally) into Westeros' political hegemony and overall relative "peace" for a time until the new war the greens began ruined it. And unlike Rogar, who died in Dorne and stubbornly refused to go back to his home (bc he didn't want to really face what he did to Alyssa Velaryon AND the "humiliation" of Rhaena's confronting and threatening him), Daemon "tires" of the Stepstones & marries Laena to settle down ("A Question of Succession"):

I mean, if U.S. soldiers cite being "tired" of being away from home, why can't we also assume Daemon was in a similar place? He's been at the Stepstones for more than 5 years, including the time he was exiled afterwhatever happened b/t him and Rhaenrya in 111. I don't see how this perosn thought he left bc "he got bored" when it's still war...you are going to get reasonably tired of being in a battle no matter how good you are at it. Especially when you're also trying to maintain control of an island or two when the larger authority, the government (in this case Viserys and the council) does not send materials for those fortifications. To take HotD at face value, or "Watsonianly, "HotD!Daemon goes off on his own bc Viserys has just now decided to send reinforcements when he could have done so way before but refused to, again, stupidly and pridefully. So Daemon wanted to make a personal point to Viserys as well as a broader one. "Doyistly", or to criticize HotD, that whole situation of Daemon going off on his own was dumb even as it was thrilling: he couldn't have avoided all those arrows or traversed the field all by himself like that. I doubt that bk!Daemon would have done it that way.

And in the show, Alicent presses that he actually hurry up and put an end to the war not "for the realm"'s most vunerable's peace [once again, those kidnapped girls and the traders], but bc it's costing the crown money. She says as much in the 6th episode. Refusing to do as Rhaenrya suggests and build some fortifications to keep the Stepstones as they want them and even ensure future protection and eventually reduce the fighting to almost nil. Alicent's concern was not for people's lives or safety but for money and to maintain a picture of control. Viserys, too. But I digress.

Finally, we see Daemon at the black council saying they shouldn't go to war until they absolutely had to and actually had the soldiers an d support they needed. That dragons are a last resort & he agrees with Rhaenyra "surprisingly" ("The Blacks and the Greens"):

All belies this idea of him being a crazy warmonger with no restraint.

Let's just say that Daemon is definitively a war criminal. Would he be so unique in that? I don't see how Otto, Aegon the Elder, Criston Cole, Aemond, Daeron, the Hightowers, even Alicent, are all "war criminals". Daeron--Bitterbridge and those battle-damaged refugees, the raped people, Lady Caswell's end. Aemond: the Strongs, Alys Rivers, and the burning of the riverlands. And yet OP, again, makes Daemon out to be the instigator of many things....[below]

Them:

He was a child murderer responsible for the brutal murder of a 6-year old boy and the threat of rape to a 6-year old girl. He encouraged the continuation of the Dance and vengeance against his enemies, dismissing his Hand's proposal for peace. He had the selfishness of Aegon IV, the brutality of Maegor, and the tyranny of Aerys II. And that’s just scratching the surface of the things he did, both before and during the Dance.

...Aemond was a child murderer in killing Luke, which prompted Daemon's reaction. Daemon didn't begin that. Again, I speak to this idea that Daemon instigates. No, he responds.

He didn't threaten any rape of a 6 year old, Cheese was quite clearly trying to hurry Helaena up and threaten that. That shows Cheese's character, not Daemon.

Now, that Daemon at all arranged for a murder of a child? Yes, horrible, which shows he's never bene a good person. (As if there was a great and consistent argument people used to say he was?) This is different from him instigating things or causing the war. No, Aemond did that by killing Luke unprovoked. And before people bring up the eye, I already wrote about that HERE, HERE and HERE. Even if I didn't, it had been years, Aemond made as if he was cool with it....so why did he run after teen-Luke or (bk) allow himself to be so triggered by Maris Baratheon's words about his manhood to go for straight up physical intimidation and murder?!

By "his Hand", I'm assuming they are saying HotD!Daemon refused Aegon the Elder's Hand--Otto--'s terms for peace.

Not only was it that in the bk, Rhaenyra refused the terms the green council sent Grand Maester Orwyle to deliver to her (her big speech about his not being a loyal maester/subject -- HotD removes/reduces Rhaenyra's fascinating assertion of power through calling out others' trying to redefine her worthiness as heir)...

This is Otto and Daemon in that last episode.

We need to remember that Otto is just as willing to risk a war if it gets him what he wants. He made that choice as soon as he pimped his daughter out to Viserys and kept insisting that Rhaenyra's position was defaulted once Aegon was born, as he says in this own. He is and never was willing to stave off a war. He is the one to insiste that Rhenyra is not even a "true" heir despite the fact that Viserys, time and time again, reinforced her position PUBLICLY. Otto explicitly says Rhaenyra is not the true heir. He was never about "protecting" anyone, much less the peasants who'd be caught up in this war.

So, again, I find it strange OP missed that and says Daemon is at fault for the war bc of a supposed bloodthirstiness for war and violence itself...when the man even backs off from Otto by Rhaenyra's order of "No" in that scene. Yes he was preparing the castle in case the greens attacked it as they coronated Aegon...wouldn't most of us one we hear news of a someone depowering or usurping the person we are tasked to protect?! Daemon is rather responding to what happening, which is Rhaenyra being usurped and pressing for her rights to the throne as Otto is trying to assert Aegon's right to the throne. Why is Otto figured as this righteous seeker of "order" and "peace" and not someone enabling an event where Rhaenyra is losing a thing due to her gender...esp since Otto is both the guy who suggested her appointment as heir in the first place AND the guy who explicitly said to Alicent that the reason he did so/and is plotting against her is bc she is a woman?!

He had the selfishness of Aegon IV, the brutality of Maegor, and the tyranny of Aerys II

He can't have any sort of "tyranny" if he's not the ruler or final authority of anything...so...

He's certainly self centered and only thinks about his own family's needs or desires. However, to say he's equal to Aegon IV, who willfully and purposefully and consciously set up a situation where a war could happen just to spite his son, wife, and brother out of pure jealousy is disingenuous. Aegon IV betrayed his own family; Daemon died for his family. And again, he canonically allowed himself to be subordinate to Rhaenyra. Can we really say Aegon IV is the same, when he rapes his sister after she explictly told him she didn't want to have sex with him anymore, threw away his various mistresses and daughters for new mistresses, neglected most of his kids?

As for being as "brutal" as Maegor...yeah, he wasn't opposed to torture and he, again, was no stranger nor repulsed or against using violence. He was brutal.

However unlike Maegor who tortured two of his wives and raped another (Rhaena), Daemon doesn't flagrantly use torture against those who--again--haven't already presented themselves as critical enemies. Alys Harroway was completely innocent even if she had had affairs bc she didn't endanger Maegor's life. Tyanna was unequivocally evil and carried out Alys' gruesome murder, even though she absolutely was being sidelined for not giving Maegor heirs--having to become "useful" to him otherwise [which is another discussion about class and misogyny in those spaces]. And she would have done so to the others if she had the chance. Tyland Lannister, though? He was hiding the secrets of the stolen royal treasury. (Aegon stole the throne, the greens moved funds that never should have been in their possession, and they did it specifically so they could diminish Rhaenyra's ability to really establish herself at KL in their absence. Which explicitly shows us that they aren't "legitimate" rulers bc Rhaenyra had still been alive and someone they had to get rid of. So yes the funds were stolen.)

So Daemon's brutality is of a different quality than Maegor's; the slight but very important difference between them is that Maegor hurt those closest to him while Daemon never stooped low, that far nor ever looked for a fight that wasn't there already.

I think there is also a conflation of grey morality with unpredictability. Daemon was unpredictable, with his sudden elopements and kickstarting of wars and general mercuriality. The moral complexity of this, however, depends on his motives, and none of his are particularly complicated or difficult to morally pin down: he is primarily and consistently motivated by self-interest. If they happen to benefit others, it’s purely coincidental, and always secondary. Unpredictability does not automatically make someone morally grey, and it certainly doesn’t with Daemon. [...] If the narrative had leaned into his awfulness, he could have potentially been a fun villain.

I believe that once we realize that the "greyness" of Daemon stems from his insistence to put his family before his own search for power as a man about his being "good" to people not-his family, the greyness works. Because much of the Dance was also about defending the family you think or you really are defending. HotD!Alicent (and for some people, bk!Alicent, too) thinks she is protecting her kids from people using Rhaenyra and harming her kids (lying to herself)...but she really troggers a war that will end with ALL her kids dead and only 4 of 7 of Daemon and Rhaenyra's surviving. A war that lead to many sacks, the Riverlands burning the Strongs going extinct. All because Otto wanted more power and Viserys was an idiot and Jaehaerys was a misogynist and Aerys was stupid and Aegon I didn't take a chance.

Daemon of HotD explicitly says to Otto that he doesn't trust his sons with Aegon, the "drunken usurper cunt of a king"....and he was right to. If the show continues to make Aegon as he was in the bk, Aegon will threaten to mutilate Aegon III, castrate him, etc. so that Rhaenyra's line "must end". Aegon explicitly says as much in his conversation to Alicent abt how to stave off Rhaneyra's supporters.

'I rather think Daemon is one of the most predictable characters of this story. What is "unpredictable" is that because he doesn't try to be a "good" knight or typical protector or try to make people "love" him as Viserys does; or try to flatter others, he's "unpredictable" to those people who would have wanted him to be more like what Loras Tyrell puts out. And that sentiment, that reputation he built as being that more "shameless" bleeds through various tellings of his actions, esp with him & Nettles [refer to the very first link abt Nettles I have above].

There is a morality in how one treats one's family, as I implied through my comparison to Maegor. I also think of Jaehaerys and his treatment of Rhaena, Alysanne, his daughters, how he handled his succession, etc. Jaehaerys--through his abusiveness and sidelining of important, critical women around him--sets up the Dance. Yet many in the fandom think of him as an absolutely good king instead of a relatively good one. And through Jaehaerys and Aegon Iv and the rest, we see how protecting your family and valuing them above their roles contributes tot he overall stability of a dynasty's grasp on power bc all these sidelined women were able to politically contribute...but were sidelined and forced to make separate lives for themselves.

As I said, Daemon is motivated in part by legacy...as much as Visenya was with Maegor. But again, he didn't die at the Gods Eye for selfish ambition...otherwise he would have never allowed himself to die in the first place and even hand Nettles over. Even if he had been just sleeping with her, what would stop him from being totally selfish and handing her over to be killed similar to how several lords abandon their mistresses or one night stands? do we think that Tywin Lannister would advocate or try to help out Shea if she were to ever get into trouble? Sacrifice himself or disobey an order form another force/authority for here to live?!

Daemon was never going to be a villain, bc villains are characters who are amoral antagonists to the protagonist. "Villain" is a specific literary/media term, it's not a term you apply whatsoever just because the person is evil. Even protagonists can be amoral or eveil (Dorian Grey). But Daemon is actually one of the protagonists. The greens are the antagonists; they usurped the actual, main protagonists, Rhaenyra, and Daemon is on the protagonist's side. Once again, who loses more? The greens or the blacks? Whose line ends? Who has their last member (Jaehaera) killed in a manner similar to how Alicent became Viserys' queen consort? The greens. (Unwin Peake had Jaehaera killed to make way for his own daughter to marry Aegon III...Otto may not have killed Aemma or had her killed, but he & Alicent certainly was looking for power through a nonTarg Queen consort). Everuone is certainly punished for the war...but the greens lose utterly and didn't accomplish what they set out to do, which was to establish their own line of rulers.

It's like with Macbeth, who got to be king. But one of his killed adversaries and the scion of the past king he murdered--actually got to propagate the next line of kings. I also have to remind everyone that when Corlys said that Aegon the Elder should name Aegon the Younger as his heir, Alicent got pissed...showing that she and the greens banked on growing their own Targ line...so yeah this matters ("The Sad, Short Reign of Aegon II"):

No one ever said that unpredictability = moral greyness. The moral greyness was that he was a good dad and only cared about protecting his family in a way that many people even now would just think about protecting those close to them.

Perhaps the most damning aspect of this blatant favoritism is how Daemon is turned into the essential protagonist of the Dance of the Dragons.

This line contradicts what the OP said about him being a villain...what gives?

Like I already said, villains in a story are antagonists, never the protagonist! Out of the story, amongst those discussing, we can maybe say that a protagonist is a "villain" in the nonliterary and colloquial sense but these should not erase/overpower the basic structure of the story being told. (if they are "villains" to your own personal set of values, that makes sense. but not for the story written)

And no, he's not the essential protagonist, he's one of them. Rhaenyra is rather the protagonist. The story is about a woman usurped of her throne and position because others took advantage of her being a woman and being the first female heir apparent that was actually intended to be Queen. The question of female rulership (and agency) is the center of the Dance alongside what the "price for power" is, which contextualizes Dany's own struggles from being a woman AND ruler. Learning how to be a better sort of ruler in the face of societies that already say she can never be so because if her gender AND the result of this Dance war that lead to more Targaryen women losing power the more it became embedded in Andal patriarchal culture for the dynasty's grip on power. Rhaneyra's foils are Aegon and his mother, Alicent. "Princess an the Queen"? And Aegon is the model for the Targaryen male royal who exemplifies all the unusual allowances this society gives to men while women like Rhaenyra are subjugated or condemned for doing mush less or simply things no one can say are immoral but somehow trouble the men's grip on power. Which is why Daemon is more of a positive force in her life than a negative and is "morally grey", bc he subordinates himself for her. Again, he fights for her and has his legacy through her winning. Rhaenyra's son Aegon derives his claim through her, not Aegon the Elder nor though Daemon ("Lineages and Family Tree"):

His wives are all overshadowed by him and primarily defined by their relationship with him. Rhea Royce is an unfeatured non-entity who exists solely for him to hate, and conveniently dies in time for him to remarry. Laena is a beautiful, fiery, perfect companion who dies tragically young and in a conveniently gendered manner, once again in time for him to remarry. Rhaenyra is sidelined and eclipsed in her own war and her own story in favor of him. Nor should we forget his lovers: more time is spent describing Nettles and Mysaria’s relationships with Daemon than actually telling us more about them as individuals. Once he’s out of the picture for good, the former completely retreats from civilization, and the latter is gruesomely murdered by his enemies. Once again, all I can say is: Convenient.

Once again, Nettles was never his lover.

If you feel Daemon is more "interesting" than Rhaenyra, that's your own thing. However, again, Rhaenyra is the true center of the Dance, not Daemon. This is the basic structure & purpose of the narrative. Ignore the stupid dudebros. It is the rumors and Mysaria's deciding Rhaenyra that Nettles is Daemon's lover that springboards' Rhaenyra's fall. After Daemon dies, she still lives and has her own tragic end that has its own commentary on women in power and femicide.

For the story of Rhaenyra targeting Nettles to work, it has to be true that DaemonxNettles was never a thing...bc Rhaenyra became paranoid of betrayals after Ulf and Hugh defected and destroyed Tumbleton PLUS her grief from her two sons getting killed before she landed on KL.

Also, again, I very much doubt that he struck up an affair with Mysaria when they landed. Once again, this is a book written by a maester who was not there. Septon Eustace--who hates Rhaenyra...oh look more proof that it's all abt Rhaenyra--says that Daemon slept with Mysaria...he also says that Rhaenyra cut herself on the throne while wearing full armor and tries to say that this indicated she would never be a good ruler...Even f she had cut her palm, us as readers have to remember that even Aegon I was cut. Aegon IV, however, was never reported to be cut. Arguably one of the worst rulers Westeros ever had. This was a superstition, it was a chair made out of swords....come on, now! And if Mysaria were sleeping with Daemon, why would she choose to have him killed?! Especially when she stood to gain so much more from his being alive than dead as the their mistress of whispers? Rhaenyra was also very possessive of Daemon and more likely saw Mysaria as not trustworthy (without the context of Mysaria working for her) as she did Laena those years past. Proven by how she acted with Nettles. I doubt that she would allow Daemon to sleep with Mysaria without going crazy and putting a stop to it so Septon Eusatce can have more to write gleefully about.

What narrative purpose would Rhea Royce serve? What would she do for this purpose of the Dance but to be as she was--a minor character whose marriage to a specific Targ rather shows Jaehaerys and Alysanne bungling marriage alliances? If F&B doesn't give Rhea as much attention as it does Rhaneyra or Laena or Rhaneys or Alicent, it's because the story isn't about these "lesser" lords and ladies who are not there to not build up the central character's characterizations. that's how stories work. But perhaps more importantly, Gyldayn is writing F&B as its onw historical volume. F&B is a work against female rulership. Rhea being so used and so poorly matched with Daemon AND both Alysanne and Viserys' refusal to have this marriage annulled emphasizes the pattern of shallowly-described/de-personed women (like Ceryse Hightower, Alys Harroway, Jeyne Westerling____Yandel of AWoIaF--Barbra Bracken and Bethany Blackwood, Serenei of Lys, etc) are all because their authors--and those who related the tales to various people for the author to write into their histories--are uninterested in them bc they were women made into wombs. Rhea had no other political purpose but to tie Daemon down. That's Jaehaerys, Alysanne, and whoever was responsible for Rhea's faults. And again, it's meant to show us that Andal patriarchy-Targ monarchy paradigm that vicitmizes and suboridnates women.

Similar can be said of Laena, but because she cam from a much more important, wealthier family and was a dragonrider where she's allowed to express herself AND was best friends with Rhaenyra...there was no way she wouldn't have had soem more relative attention than the other women OP listed (except Rhaenyra). Laena was another supporting character, not a main one. And she also dies so Rhaneyra and Daemon will have Aegon III, from which we will have Dany, ASoIaF's savior. Just as Laenor and Harwin had to be removed somehow (Laenor through death bc there was no such thing as divorce) so Rhaenyra will marry Daemon and give us Dany.

Not to say that Laena's death was morally justified nor that it wasn't in a gendered manner...it's that it has a specific purpose in terms of ASoIaF's themes and structure. It's part of a larger commentary than what we just see in front of our eyes in this moment of HotD being the present ASoIaF project everyone's watching now. Basically, I'm saying: yeah, that's the whole point.

Should GRRM have reduced the number of women dying by childbirth? Maybe. Idk, there's a theory out there that I like where the maesters are the ones who stopped the Targ women, including Laena, from having more children or surviving childbirth. Not Alysanne because Jaehaerys was clearly the "dominant" of the two and they both more or less were pretty integrated into Andal patriarchy and supported the Faith, who the maesters have shared interests with. 🤷🏼‍♂️

Let's put it this way: if we say that if you impose childbirthing on 15-17 year olds (Rhaenys and Jocelyn Baratheon were both 16 at marriage; Rhaenyra 17; Alyssa Velaryon 14; Alyssa Targaryen 15; Helaena 13; *Laena 23) AND we see that on average Westerosi noblewomen marry at around 16-19 and start getting pregnant not long after, then why is it that the Targ women (except Alysanne) keep having under 3 kids and/or dying of childirth? But, again, I'll say this is a theory. It could very well be this AND the Westerosi practice of marrying noble girls off & having kids too young. Which is part of the allure of ASoIaF, but that's another thing.

Narratively, the Greens suffer the most from this. All of them are caricatures meant to oppose the Blacks rather than individual characters in their own right

Easy; bc they started the war, their goals were simple, this is a book written by a guy who wasn't there, Alicent and Otto clearly raised their kids to see the blacks as their enemy bc they said the throne was their patriarchal birthright.

...Daemon compared to his nephew, Aemond Targaryen. Both of them are clearly meant to be narrative parallels: second sons, dangerous swordsmen, the heavy-hitting wildcards of the war, one of them claiming Visenya’s dragon and the other one possessing Visenya’s sword. Both of them committed heinous atrocities on equal proportion, the only difference being that Daemon lived longer and thus had the time to commit more. Yet the way they are portrayed could not be more different: Aemond is rightfully depicted as war criminal and a murderer, and is both one-dimensional and over-the-top in his awfulness; Daemon, on the other hand, has far more pagetime, is explored in far more detail, and has all his crimes contextualized as part of his glorified and non-existent “grey morality”. (And while this is not a direct criticism, it’s also a little weird that while Aemond is justifiably called Kinslayer, Daemon is not, despite the fact that he was responsible the death of his young grand-nephew, a suspect for the death of his good-brother, and the eventual killer of Aemond himself.) The narrative rightfully condemns one while painting the other as someone who was “made of light and darkness in equal parts”. The bias is very, very evident.

That's because Daemon is older and grows out of that fighting for glory's sake that Aemond is still in BUT unlike Daemon, Aemond--bc again he was raised by the ambitious greens who are basing their cause on reinforcing patriarchal privilege, Aemond was...unlikely to get where Daemon was bc he was still in that place of "proving himself" a "true" Targaryen warrior. Because he was raised to think a lot less of his own sister and see her as a threat to his own masculinity and power (similar to how Jaehaerys I will see Rhaena), he is that sexist and misogynist. IDK, I rather think he's very much like many men even today.

Daemon never burned down "civilians" just because he was angry and wanted to draw out an enemy. Nor did he have a sex slave. Mysaria, though a sex worker, was not a slave. Alys Rivers was a war prize, thus a sex slave. One that was made into a war prize by Aemond's own doing. Just bc the line seems thin, doesn't mean it's not there nor substantial. Aemond abandoned Alicent & Helaena and refused to go down south with Criston Cole because ("Rhaenyra Triumphant"):

If he had taken Cole's advice, they could have rejoined Aegon and gotten rid of the Winter Wolves...oh well.

Returning to harming civilians yeah, Daemon swept through KL castrating and cutting people's hands off. In terms of sheer scale, no, this still isn't "equal" to Aemond's burning down the Riverlands, killing all the Strongs, etc.

Finally, just as Aegon serves as Rhaneyra's literary foil to emphasize her being the morally & politically better of the two, Daemon's foil is Aemond. As Robert Baratheon was Rhaegar's.

(I’d also like to point out that a 50-year old man challenging his barely 20-year old nephew and winning against him is nowhere near as glorious or awe-inspiring as the book or its fans make it out to seem, but is in fact one of the most pathetically embarrassing things I've ever read about. I also don’t think it was realistic at all, and would have made more symbolic and literal sense for both of them to mutually kill the other. But that would result in GRRM’s favourite character getting the equal end of the stick for once, which is probably why it didn't happen)

...Aemond wanted that battle? He hungered for it?!

Most of All, and before anything else: the reasons why Daemon is considered the winner of his battle with Aemond despite both dying is that:

of the two, it is Daemon who succeeds in his intentions for this battle: to keep Aemond from being a threat to Rhaenrya & their family....Aemond went into battle believing he had a sliver of chance at survival AND winning--he risked it all for his own personal sense of glory and power...and he didn't get what he wanted

Daemon, unlike Aemond, never faltered or hesitates in his plans or intent or the trajectory before nor during the actual battle and its' pretty clear how in sync he was with Caraxes (written and explained below)---it belies a level of self control that we do not see in Aemond

Yes, absolutely this uncle & nephew trying to destroy each other in is terrible by their relations; their battle was one of the conflicts within the war that represented an element of one of the overall tragedies, which was the Targaryens splitting into competing factions and not only losing most of those they loved but also destroying several communities while they were at i for power. However, this doesn't erase the fact that once again, even when we make Aemond and any green more "complicated" and not caricatures...the fact of the matter is that the greens were in the wrong for beginning the war with their insistence on male primogeniture...bc the principles behind their reasons So Daemon is the more admired party precisely because he's defending the person the wrong has bene done to AND destroying the very person who triggered this war in the first place. That's the first layer to the excitement of this scene that dude-bros would probably never appreciate, and I think that because some people do not really think about the implications of many stories about F&B and discrimination even against noblewomen in Westeros (because they take it from granted), many of them end up being so neutral or taking the anti-Rhaenyra/black tone of the narrative as it is instead of examining how and why it's written, section by section. So they also miss the point about how the Targs assimilated into Andal patriarchy and sexism and women losing more and more power and agency and it becoming more and justified, leading to the Dance. And it's bc people do not look at the Dance nor the entire book feministly or at least with a woman-centered lens, they ended up not really engaging with the stories. Putting it all off as "unreliable" on time when they are questioned as to why they think certain things happened despite yada, yada....and then going on to make arguments about characters as if they understand them, read them, and/or have lived in that world alongside them. Again, issue d they claim that we can't understand the characters or th0ier true motives and don't bother to understand how Gyldayn wrote the book for a particular purpose...and then go on the claim that he/the book is telling all truths.

Another layer/reason why it is as glorified as it was was because, as this OP mentions, it was expected for Daemon to lose since Aemond had Vhagar. He new he'd lose his life...but he went in anyway with no backup bc Aemond was one of Rhaenrya's--again, Rhaenyra at center--biggest opps and she had a better chance of winning without him in the picture. Plus, this is the same guy who killed a 14 year old Daemon raised as his own for more than 10 years in the book and 6 in the show. Once again, unprovoked. Does it matter that he was 20 to Daemon's 49 when he killed Luke when he was 19 and Luke was 14? When Aemond pushes a 3 year old Joffrey when he was 10 in his way to get to Vhagar? that he beats up his younger nephews and cousins. Yet somehow many fans say "he had to" or they say he was "cool" and praise him for it?!

And this is not as criticized as much as people saying Daemon "unrealistically" kills his nephew....

Also, I already wrote a post comparing Jaehaerys I v Braxton Beesbury to Daemon v Aemond HERE. It goes into the "realism" of an older dude against a younger one. Excerpt:

Caraxes also making sure he stays connected to Vhagar so Daemon can do his thing

We have to pay attention to the language of the battle. there is a synchronicity b/t Caraxes and Daemon that Aemond lacked with Vhagar AND may clue us in on the Targs and how they view/interact/bond with their dragons ("Rhaenyra Triumphant"):

Caraxes dove down upon Vhagar with a piercing shriek that was heard a dozen miles away, cloaked by the glare of the setting sun on Prince Aemond’s blind side. The Blood Wyrm slammed into the older dragon with terrible force. [...] Locked together, the dragons tumbled toward the lake. The Blood Wyrm’s jaws closed about Vhagar’s neck, her black teeth sinking deep into the flesh of the larger dragon. Even as Vhagar’s claws raked her belly open and Vhagar’s own teeth ripped away a wing, Caraxes bit deeper, worrying at the wound as the lake rushed up below them with terrible speed. And it was then, the tales tell us, that Prince Daemon Targaryen swung a leg over his saddle and leapt from one dragon to the other.

Despite them both falling, Caraxes remains gripping Vhagar and having to know of the danger, Caraxes still holds Vhagar. Daemon won't let Aemond go; Caraxes won't let Vhagar go. Vhagar is trying to get Caraxes off her; Aemond is trying to get his chains off him to escape Daemon. Caraxes is holding onto Vhagar so Aemond cannot escape from Daemon and Daemon has a stable edge over Aemond to plunge Dark sister into Aemond's head. They see to work together and take their final turns to eliminate this threat. These are all why this passage--for all the stuff about how we nor even the few witnesses there (Alys Rivers and some fisherman) can't possibly know it definitely happened this way--is so important, impresses people. It also needed to be there bc the alternative--a mere summary of Daemon killing Aemond and people finding the sword/bodies--is comparatively more boring. (Daemon at Harrenhal, waiting for Aemond, as set up for the narrative value of their deaths)

Why didn't GRRM treat Luke's death the same, with as much detail? Luke had no substantial degree of advantage over Aemond as Daemon did. They were not even close to being on any "equal" or footing? Luke had no chance; the moment was meat to highlight how little chance he had, how much of a victim he was. It wasn't a battle--it was just ordinary murder and served to make Aemond one of the critical the instigator of the war. What would it add/reveal?

Even if he "accidentally" killed Luke, he still decided to fly after him and "teach him a lesson", provoked into killing for glory or proving a point alone even at the cost of endangering his folks at home. It doesn't matter, really, whether he meant to murder him or not. It began the war--the end. What would a details of a victim's murder (in the context of a historical text) do for the story that the murder itself doesn't already? Or corresponding advantages vs disadvantages that Aemond and Daemon had?

Whereas Daemon's killing Aemond has many layers about:

him

dragon bonds

Rhaenyra

the sides' motives and deterioration into the state they were in, of which I already described

I'll say this about HotD!Aemond "accidentally" killing Luke; it may provide a a layer of Aemond deciding at every turn to dig more into his heels about destroying the blacks because then he won't have to justify his errors and wrongs if he just wins. thus his stupidity during the war, esp the one with Cole going south and him staying behind...perhaps he will think he's "making up" for that mistake...idk.

And we know that Daemon managed to get Aemond through the eye bc the text explicitly states that people found said sword in Aemon's eye when he was left there, still tied to Vhagar at the bottom of the lake at the Gods Eye ("Rhaenyra Triumphant"):

Sometimes, in fiction, what seem to be smaller concessions of logic are simply fun and/or have a larger purpose and/or supply basis for something bigger and have ther own valid "logic" that is critical to other themes. This is one of those times.

You may not like GRRM's writing of Daemon and you may hate Daemon no matter what...but to make interpretation errors because of that dislike and allowing that dislike to color how you see what's actually written doesn't make for a sound literary critique. There are fair critiques of how GRRM writes his female vs male characters, especially Tyrion, Shea, the constant childbirth death...Daemon being, say, the "center" of the Dance is certainly not one of them. You have rather bought into some of the propaganda and rumor mongering prevalent that is meant to degrade Rhaenyra. Which I guess make F&B so good; it accomplished what it set out to do.

#asoiaf asks to me #daemon targaryen #daemon's characterization #hotd characterization #hotd fandom #fandom critical #vhagar claim #fire and blood characters

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oceandiagonale · 1 year

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OC Sunday is back!! I've been a little hesitant to send anything because I know you've been doin a LOT lately and didn't want to overwhelm you, but seeing people talk about their OCs got me excited enough to get over my nervousness ksjdhf. I mostly wanna talk about her because her relationship towards Volo is so vastly different from Gene's relationship with him and it's fascinating to me!

Without further ado, here she is! Her name is Alessandra, and she was who I played with during my first PLA Playthrough. She's also who I played during my Brilliant Diamond playthrough, sooo she's canonically pulled from my Brilliant Diamond world post-championship and saving the world. She's chipper, spunky, and determined to see the best in people no matter what.

Having come from a much gentler world though, she was... not prepared for the trials Hisui would throw at her. She ended up getting some kind of scar for every Noble fight I had trouble with (as well as a marking from Arceus when she got eebie-deebied).

Over her time in Hisui, she started losing some of her memories from Sinnoh- and though she tried to hide it, this freaked her out to NO end. The only person who knew was Volo, who she immediately got attached to because of how much he resembled Cynthia who she had seen as a big sister figure before her fall.

When the Red Sky spread across Hisui, she willingly left the village to try and find out how to fix things. Volo quickly joined her, amd her gratitude towards him only grew. As they went to contact the Lake Spirits, Mespirit sensed that there was something wrong with the vibes and tried to warn her, but she didn't listen.

And then, well... the confrontation at the Temple happened. Alessandra was so in shock that she thought it had to be a nightmare, some remnant of her memories of when she fought Cyrus trying to taint her current life. But it was soon clear enough that it was reality, no matter how unbelievable it was to her. Through tears and confusion, she sent out her Typloshion and the fight began.

After a long drawn out battle, her Leafeon almost dying after jumping in the way of Giratina's surprise strike aimed directly at her, Volo was defeated. She had won, but she couldn't even bring herself to speak. She simply sat there, the rest of her injured team huddled around her to protect her with the last of their strength, but it was unnecessary. By the time she snapped back to reality, Volo was gone, the plate he had been taunting her with left in his place.

Alessandra spent the next several weeks despondent, a total opposite to her normal self. Eventually she got herself together enough to do missions again, and there she encountered Volo again in the Solaceon Ruins. They argued back and forth for a while about whether this world was still salvagable and capable of change, and Alessandra offered to help Volo find a place in the world again if he helped her in contacting Arceus. She had never admitted it, but she had her own frustrations with Arceus dropping her here away from everything she'd ever known and knew if anyone could help her get answers, it was him.

Now the two have an awkward, uneasy alliance- Volo still confused on why she would offer him kindness after everything he'd done, and Alessandra just relieved to know that not everything Volo had done was a facade and that the man she'd grown to see as a brother was still in there.

TLDR;

I LOVE THIS SO MUCH, HER DESIGN, HER STORY, 100% WOULD READ MORE ABOUT HER IN A HEARTBEAT 😭😭😭😭

I'm so glad she got to meet volo after everything, it's so 👁️👁️🥊🥊🥊🥊 that we NEVER get to see him again in game and like, resolve anything, and it's like so unfulfilling, so MAN thank goodness her story actually has some catharsis and healing in it 😭😭😭😭😭🥺🥺🥺🥺💕💕💕

also her character design is literally just so cute, the freckles being from arceus is such a unique take on a blessing mark, just 🥺🥺🥺

#oceandi answers #kaleidonope #Alessandra hero #others' ocs #pla spoilers

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stormblessed95 · 1 year

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Hey storm. Hope you and your family are well! I’ve been a mostly silent follower for a while. The first posts I remember reading from yours were the unfortunate aftermaths of the iconic butter press photo. How time has flew!! (Your dynamics series is a favourite of mine btw)I’ve gone back and forth about whether I should start writing my own blog but have never mustered the courage. I’m curious how it’s been running this blog? What lessons you have learnt? What you would do differently, if anything? And lastly, how you think attitudes (including your own) toward jikook have evolved since you started this blog?

Hi! You've been here a long time then! Thank you 💜 That was one of my very first posts and it garnered a lot of attention lol

How do I like running the blog? 98% of the time, it's really fun and I throughly enjoy it!

What lessons have I learned? That I hate shippers. ALL shippers. Not just tkkrs. Kidding, mostly. That's not a lesson. But it is true. They are exhausting, and it's almost always a constant cycle of repeating yourself. And I've learned that sometimes you just gotta cut loses and not try to talk with everyone. Some people don't care and it's not worth your time or energy expended. Some people do and you can have really great conversations even if we don't agree on things. I actually gentle parent yall a lot sometimes. # part time mom blog 😂🤣

What would I do differently? Part of me has been considering doing more of a back log of content sources. Like links to more content and old photos or when photos come out not JUST when im asked about it. Maybe just for jikook, maybe just for yoonminkook, maybe for all ot7. But I don't want to set up the expectations of me being a content updater either. Because I'm not and I don't want that. I'd also probably set the expectation up earlier that my blog is not a democracy and I don't have to share anyone else's opinions that I don't want to and try to stick to that a bit firmer lol

How have attitudes changed towards jikook since starting this blog? Mine specifically? Not much, except I think I'm less invested now that when I first started thinking they were a couple and went down a rabbit hole. It's not my life and I'm happy and content just enjoying Watching theirs and what they choose to share. And that would be my advice to everyone here too. Don't get too overly invested in a relationship that you aren't apart of.

How has everyone else's attitudes towards jikook changed since I started MY blog? I have absolutely no idea love, I guess that would be more of a question for other people to answer. But I don't think my blog specifically would have had too much of an impact on anyone else's perceptions too much honestly.

If you so start your own blog though, I will encourage you to do so! And let me then know who are you so I can check it out too!!

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blueaiyuice · 8 months

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Uriel Character Analysis Deep-Dive: Mingyu from GSM

hey yall! this is gonna start becoming a recurring thing; idk if anyone actually reads these but im starting this series so that you can check out how i meant for these characters to be portrayed, their character arcs, and so on so forth.

today's analysis is JUNG MINGYU from GOD-SHATTERING MANIA, the sequel to my infamous zoom-team centric fic FRACTALS AND DOMINOS. this was requested by @peridoughnutt, so here it is as promised (finally, lmao). THERE WILL BE HEAVY SPOILERS, PROCEED WITH CAUTION!

and of course, if you want to see my EVEN STARS DIE EVENTUALLY KAMDEN character analysis from last time, check it out here!

Mingyu's General Character Arc

Mingyu is one of the main five, and he's supposed to be the parallel to Hyunbeen — wanting to prove himself and be just as useful to the rest of the team. This ties in with his naturally-hardworking nature that we can see in BP—even though he was in on it as a joke and didn't really care for debut, he still gave it his all and tried his best to get as far as he could. His whole arc in GSM is quite similar—wanting to prove that he's able to be a useful member of the team. Unlike in BP, however, this backfires, due to the mistakes that he ends up making that end up proving fatal to his mental state.

Speaking of his mental state, he was already in a bad state of mind from the start of GSM. It's mentioned in his talk with Jihoo post-Hiroto that he never actually recovered from the trauma of Fractals and Dominos: "Honestly, I...I've always been acting like things have been okay for me since I got possessed, but they haven't. They never did. Sometimes, I feel like Mnet's...clawing its way back into me, like I'm going to spiral all over again because of what it did to me...I'll always feel like Mnet's somewhere in the back of my head, trying to corrupt me all over again." As the first district back in Fractals and Dominos, he was under Mnet's mind control the least amount of time along with Doha, making him one of the only other two aside from ZOOM team to fully remember everything that happened, with very very minimal gaps in memory. Unlike Doha, he never truly recovered from that hell, nor did he ever truly feel as if he really escaped Mnet. It's almost like he could subconsciously notice that Mnet wasn't truly gone, a backwards foreshadowing to what would come in GSM. It's why Jihoo couldn't empathize with him, because Jihoo wouldn't be able to truly understand the amount of mental trauma Mingyu was going through.

Mingyu and Hiroto

One of Mingyu's biggest mistakes, but also his saving grace, was befriending and later falling in love with alternate-universe Hiroto. He and Hiroto already shared a lot in common in both worlds, having the same part for the same song for K vs G. Despite all the warnings, Mingyu's more of a bleeding heart than anything else, and it shows in his caretaking side, which is why he ends up reaching toward an outside yet familiar face. His soft spot for Hiroto existed even before switching over to the other world. It's this kindness that he extends to Hiroto, who's never experienced that sort of hope in a long time, that causes them to get drawn to each other.

Despite their growing relationship, Mingyu already knew he was setting himself up for failure, whether or not he knew Hiroto would become a world eventually. He's already trying to hide all of the information about being from an alternate universe to Hiroto, trying to keep the fragile timeline together in order to stay undetected by Mnet (even though at that point there was no reason). Almost everyone warns Mingyu too, such as Gunwook ("I don't think you keeping this up is a good idea. Not because it's Hiroto, but because of the timeline and shit—he's not gonna be the same Hiroto when you come back, you know."), Woonggi ("Hiroto's memories won't sync up like Seowon's. I'm not gonna stop you, Mingyu, but it is a setup."), and Taerae ("Hiroto isn't going to become magically aware, like Seowon or Zihao did. He was never touched by the alternate reality back in our world, so there's no way he's going to change all of sudden."). Jihoo is the only one who doesn't say anything, but even he knew ("I know, Mingyu. But it's not our Hiroto.").

Mingyu still insists on sticking with Hiroto because he's grown too attached too quickly to the point where he ends up relying on Hiroto's existence as an anchor. Even though he's self-aware that Hiroto's memories won't sync up, or that eventually the timeline would be destroyed and Hiroto would go along with it, he wants to hang onto that brief moment of happiness and hope. In this way, he also still calls out everyone for being a mild hypocrite, with them still deciding to befriend Zihao even though his memories wouldn't sync up either (though to be fair, Zihao was possessed and later awakened). It makes Hiroto's death all the more painful and tragic, and it's why Mingyu is so devastated post-death. It takes Jihoo's comforting and words of encouragement, as well as seeing the creature that led Hiroto to his death, for Mingyu to regain his resolve: "No, I can't linger on him anymore. The only thing left to do is crush Mnet."

Mingyu's Ending

Back in the real world, Mingyu finally reunites with the original Hiroto, though this Hiroto doesn't share any of the memories that the alternate-universe Hiroto had. With Mnet's influence finally gone for good, and Mingyu still recovering from all of the long-term grieving and trauma, he's able to finally place that hope back in Hiroto again—though this time, there's no Mnet to take Hiroto away from him. Mingyu, being the hardworking person he is, has a lot of perseverance, and even when he's still in a low and trying to recover, he still decides to place his faith in something he knows is fundamentally good and he can trust—and to him, that's Hiroto. To him, Hiroto is like home, and even if that home has escaped him many times, he still tries anyway. It's a very hopeful ending, and maybe, just maybe, Mingyu will finally get the peace he deserves.

Thanks for reading this analysis! Not sure who I'll do next, but I think I'll be asking a fellow friend of mine for the next character arc :)

#boys planet fanfiction #boys planet fanfic #jung mingyu #wow i really did just write this entire thing at 12am #this was long overdue lmao #thank you for reading if you did

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wordthieve · 5 months

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9-1-1: In which I started digging around and now there's a big ol' hole in my yard and I'm not sure what it means.

I really do go back and forth about whether 9-1-1 will ever have Buck and Eddie become something more for each other. Don't get me wrong: they absolutely should. But I fluctuate on whether it will actually happen. Sometimes it seems inevitable. Other times I think it's a procedural and I'm not sure the higher ups have the guts or the inclination.

So, for the purposes of the following essay, let's presume in good faith: let's say they are laying the groundwork deliberately and let's say the producers are on board and there's a plan in place. And let's look at the season 6 finale, because I've realised two things.

One: season finale is not series finale.

It did kind of feel like maybe the showrunners were concerned that the show was getting cancelled, and were looking to wrap things up as neatly as possible. Or maybe that's not fair - maybe that's something we (or maybe just me) the audience put on things. But just because Eddie is dating Marisol doesn't mean he's marrying Marisol. In FACT, given all the revelations that he's never actually dated, maybe it's more likely that he's just going to ... date.

At this point, I'd like to point you all towards this incredibly thoughtful post by @andavs about Eddie's characterisation of someone with PTSD, because it is incredibly well written and interesting and kind of astonishing - whether there was this much work put into his character by the writers and the actor, or whether both of those groups took the character outline and, simply by moving intelligently in that direction, landed on something true.

In light of that, I can see Eddie's decision to date Marisol as one he makes, at long last, for himself and himself alone. He is going to allow himself to date for himself.

And Buck ... is with Natalia, and that's ... something. Yes, the implications of the finale for the couch theory that the show itself created and acknowledged is ... disappointing. BUT.

If you're still here ... I mentioned I'd realised two things.

In the final moments of the finale, what song is playing?

This show is never subtle when it comes to music, which is part of the hammy fun of it. Season finale final songs, though:

In season 1 "Shake It Out" by Florence + the Machine was underscoring Bobby and Athena starting to date again.

(Season 2 doesn't help this, so I'm skipping it)

In season 3 Yaz's "Only You" is probably most geared towards Maddie and Chim expecting a baby, but it's also Athena healing surrounded by her family.

Season 4, after the sniper attack, Demi Lovato's "Skyscraper" is about rising up out of trauma, but most of the lyrics are about the work necessary to get there - the singer is not standing tall right now, but they will. Which is optimistic for Eddie and Maddie, but of course healing is not linear.

Season 5's "Closer to Fine" by the Indigo Girls is SUCH a good song, and it's celebrating feeling better, but it's as much about the dark things the singer waded through to get here - Eddie is back with the 118 but it's been a hard slog to get there. Buck breaks up with Taylor and moves towards something more optimistic, knowing what he wants a little more. But mostly Eddie is back. YAY!

Now. NOW. Season 6 ends with Buck and Natalia, and Eddie dating Marisol, and the rest of them doing other things, while they do yoga on the roof and it's magic hour and it's tempting to think of it as a "happy ending". But the song playing is "Myth" by Beach House. And the lyrics to that song are interesting.

Consider:

Can’t keep hanging on To all that’s dead and gone If you build yourself a myth Know just what to give What comes after this momentary bliss?

So the yoga moment on the roof is a good one, and everyone is content, but ... what about the next moment? Is this a cautionary tale about the way we try to make our lives fit a certain narrative and -- importantly -- what that costs? Is Buck, who has spent the season focused on Becoming, on being At Ease, finally finding that ease, or is he creating a myth of one? And what might that cost? Is Eddie, who seems like he's finally putting himself first in some ways, starting to build a life in the shape he wants?

The chorus is: "Help me to name it".

To be honest, I'm not sure if I've landed on anything definitive or even significant. But here we are. And it's very possible I've convinced myself this is a thing so that I can maintain the hope for Buck and Eddie becoming BuckandEddie, but, well. I guess I'm interested.

What do you think: is this anything? Do I fill this hole with water and make a swimming pool or just fill it back in? Is this metaphor really, really stupid?

#911 #911 fox #911 abc #911 season 7 #is this a thing?

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snarky-gourmet · 2 months

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necessary context: x

I'm posting these all together to more effectively address these-- thank you for taking the time to write this out. I'm not going to lie, for several days I've gone back and forth between whether or not I'd direcrtly answer you or not because some of the wording you used set off alarms not only to me but to other people I asked their thoughts on all this. I'm choosing to still take your words in good faith, and I hope that isn't the wrong decision.

I straight up don't know what you mean by "people in the leftist sphere deliberately engaging in dual loyalty blood libel." I know what dual loyalty is, I know what blood libel is, but when I tried to gather context for that combined phrase, all I got were zionists claiming it was antisemitic to claim that the israeli occupation was deliberately targeting palestinian children in the genocide. That is what the israeli occupation is doing. To be clear. Like that is what they are doing and that is what supporting zionism is also endorsing... it's not feeding into a conspiracy theory to state that they are killing palestinian children, on purpose, for the sake of committing a genocide, and I'm remarkably concerned with not being able to find anything not highly suspicious to help sort out what you meant.

Out of an abundance of caution and desire to be as clear as possible, I also don't wish for this to descend into a back and forth argument of "what you said was suboptimal" "oh yeah well what you said was also suboptimal", however I want to make clear to anyone who reads this that your words are your own and I am also not necessarily in agreeance with bringing up and emphasising OP's status as a muslim while trying to discern their motives, or the (accidental?) condescending tone that accompanies "i think they're hurting But(..)", nor am I particularly comfortable delving into the topics of religiosity in this context, as you said it is a separate issue, but also because I think it's a road to nowhere for two people who are not jewish, and presumably not muslim, to weigh in on. However I want to thank you for bringing up the contents of their blog, and their habitual conflation of zionism with judaism, because if you hadn't, I would not have gone to check, nor been made aware that there actually are more relevant examples of blatent antisemitism on their blog that inform the place in which they wrote the post in question from earlier. Someone who makes that sort of post is not someone I want to engage with or agree blindly with on any level.

I think despite both of our best efforts, this will ultimately still boil down to a case of semantics; we seem to have different understandings of why exactly general comparisons between nazism and zionism have been made, as well as why it persists, and colloquial use of the terminology with regards to what constitutes someone or some entity receiving accusations or a label of specifically nazism over fascism.

My understanding of the greater topic at hand, apart from the OP's post--which as established, has a bias attached to it that renders it in need of criticism--is that fascism and nazism are not being conflated 1:1 and used interchangably in these instances, nor is the label of nazi being thrown around to punish or weed out "bad jews", as you imply. (As an aside, I honestly am quite wary of bringing up that sort of terminology here when we are talking about an ethnostate abusing judaism to justify its end goals; I'm unsure it's situationally appropriate to liken this to practices of tokenism, and I can see it being read a bit too closely to the common talking point that zionism being criticised is inherently antisemitic, due to misconstruing the point and insisting that it's not the colonial violence, establishment of an ethnostate, racism, apartheid, genocide, etc, that's wrong, but that it's a jewish state doing it that people simply don't like, which is not something I wish to impart, nor do I think that was your intention for that matter, but I do not feel comfortable posting this while not offering a disclaimer.) Rather, it is the label being applied to a geopolitical entity that has adopted ideals, apart from "just" textbook fascism, that are also inherent to those of the broader nazi ideology, specifically--such as but not limited to the topics and practices I previoisly mentioned in the last reply--and also the way in which the israeli occupation upholds ideals of racial superiority, white supremacy in particular. It's nowhere "just" the weaponisation of forced starvation where the similarities lie. If you were to hear someone call a group of people "human animals", or paint themselves as "the children of light" and their targets "the children of dark", for example, it would be reasonable to immediately label this nazi rhetoric, regardless of who is saying it, because things exactly like this were and still are said by those who are nazis. By extension, if you were to see an ethnostate practice and enforce eugenics, such as forcing ethiopian jewish women to take contraceptives against their knowledge as a condition of being allowed into israel, or the marriage laws that exist within israeli society barring jews from marrying non-jews, and argue ethnic superiority, it would be kind of wild to choose to die on the hill of insisting that people not liken that to nazi ideology. Not all fascism is automatically nazism, but if something mirrors nazism specifically, this closely, there are going to be people calling it that, because that's what it looks like and that's what it operates like. I do not believe it is any coincidence either that those who aren't jewish and are on the alt-right very often wind up being outspoken zionists, even in cases where those same people are also outspoken antisemites and even self identify as nazis, neo-nazis, or white supremacists. The ideologies ironically do not conflict like they seem they should, and I firmly push back against the insinuation that pointing this out is feeding into the israeli propaganda that says all jews are only safe as fellow colonisers in an occupied palestine, especially when zionists target non-zionist jews with particular ferocity.

Ultimately, I'm unsure if either of us, as not just one, but two gentiles, are actually in an acceptable position to debate the broader appropriateness of this matter definitively, and how it pertains to the language that we use. But I do think it's remarkably important to pay mind to who we share words from, and how those words may come across, and exercise due caution to avoid missteps.

Among the people whos stances and words have informed my understanding of matters as detailed above, I have seen a remarkable amount of jews themselves liken zionism--and the methods of genocide the israeli occupation implements--to nazis, nazism, and the holocaust, calling to attention their own familial trauma and experiences while doing so, as well as detailing the massive slap in the face it is to all jews for the israeli occupation to weaponise judaism while committing acts of such incredible depravity, especially in cases where defenders of and active participants in zionist violence continue to say "never again". But this very well could be one of those things where it's okay for some people to say, and not others-- and as in cases like the OP of that post, there is a clear problem with someone saying that while also partaking in blatant antisemitism. I'm not sure, as it's not something that everyone most affected are likely to agree on collectively, but I don't think that everyone who makes these comparisons is inherently operating in bad taste, have intentions of malice, or are throwing around words carelessly. I want to make it abundantly clear that I am not out here saying "well I'M going to be saying it, because if they did it then it's ok for me to" or anything of the sort-- because I'm not, and I don't feel it'd be an appropriate response reflective of our conversation's goals. With such an issue, I think it's important to recognise as much nuance as possible, while also treading as carefully as possible, in any given situation, and to carefully examine sources for potential prejudice that alter the overall message being conveyed and the wording used, which are all things that drastically changed the perception of the initial OP's post, and I do want to stress that I am thankful for you bringing that to my attention

#also your syntax reminds me of someone i know--do we know each other?#i suppose theres only so many ways to write but its uncanny #i could be off the mark here so feel free to disregard #however it is unlikely i will leave anon on as i do not wish to invite further discourse from individuals who may not wish to remain civil

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spnhunter4life · 8 months

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End Up Here Chapter 5

Chapter Summary: When the weekend rolls around again, Dean and Emily go on their second date.

Word Count: 3.8k

A/N: Thanks to everybody who has been keeping up with this story! I know it's a little slow and probably boring compared to some of the other things I've written, but I just really enjoy a chill, drama free story every now and then. I know that's not for everybody though. I'm getting this ready to go on the same day I posted chapter 1, so I have no idea what the response will be, but hopefully there's a few people enjoying it!

Masterlist Series Masterlist

I didn’t hear from Dean on Saturday, which I was disappointed about. But I reminded myself we’d gone out just that morning and I shouldn’t expect him to message me so soon. Nothing from him on Sunday either. No problem, I assured myself. It was still way too early to worry about it. When he still hadn’t contacted me on Monday, I had a harder time convincing myself not to stress about it. Which was ridiculous anyway. I barely knew the man. If he never talked to me again, what was I really losing?

But when I got a text message during my lunch break on Tuesday, the hopeful anticipation I tried to ignore but nonetheless felt every time my phone went off recently was finally validated. I couldn’t contain my grin. Jackie, Hannah, and Morgan, who were all eating with me, noticed my reaction.

“You look awfully happy. Who’s texting you?” Hannah asked.

“Yes, Emily. Whoever could it be?” Jackie added with a teasing smile.

“I’m not sure what you’re implying, so you might as well just come out and say it,” I told her. I was still smiling though as I answered his text. It was just a simple ‘how are you doing’ message, but I was just thrilled to finally hear from him.

“It’s that guy I saw you with a few days ago, isn’t it?” Jackie said more than asked. “He was cute.”

“Yes, he is very cute,” I agreed. “As everybody keeps pointing out.”

“Well it’s not like we’ve had a chance to talk to him. Cute is all we have to work with,” Morgan said.

“If that’s your way of asking to meet him, you’ll be disappointed. I just met him. We’re not exactly at the introducing to friends and family phase yet.”

“Of course not. We’re just all so happy to see you so excited about a guy. It’s about time,” Morgan teased.

We’d been texting back and forth at irregular intervals – just whenever one of us had a free minute – ever since.

Now it was late afternoon on Thursday and I was sitting at my desk with Ziggy curled up asleep in my lap, finishing some paperwork while I waited for the last class of the day to finish so I could go home. It was Lauren’s class, not mine, but as head instructor and the only person on staff who was PATH certified, I was required to be around for all the classes, whether I was teaching them or not.

My phone buzzed in my pocket. I finished the file I was working on before taking it out to check it. I smiled when I saw that the text was from Dean. My smile grew even bigger when I read what he’d said.

I think I’ve had enough of all this texting. I’d rather talk to you in person. How does tomorrow night sound?

“Ooh, is that Dean again?” Hannah asked, noting the look on my face as she walked into the office. “What’s he saying?”

“He asked if I want to go out tomorrow night,” I told her. She gasped.

“That’s so great! I’m so excited for you!” She squealed.

“What? What happened?” Morgan asked, jogging in from the other room.

“Emily has a date with Dean tomorrow!” Hannah informed her.

“That is great news! What are you guys doing?” She asked.

“I don’t know. I haven’t had a chance to even answer him about going out yet.”

“Well answer him!” Hannah ordered me. “And then tell me all about it tomorrow because unfortunately I need to leave. I’m supposed to pick up my niece from daycare and I can’t be late.”

“See you tomorrow!” I called as she walked out the door.

“So? What are you gonna tell him?” Morgan asked.

“I’m gonna say yes, of course,” I told her.

Then Lauren opened the door and walked in with a big sigh.

“Paperwork at the end of a long day. My favorite thing,” she said. “What are you guys talking about?” She asked when she was sitting at the desk the other instructors used to fill out rider files.

“Oh, nothing.” Morgan smiled. “Just Emily’s upcoming date with Dean.”

“Shut up. Really?” Lauren asked. “When are you going out? What are you doing? When did he ask you? Tell me everything!”

“There’s really nothing to tell,” I said, standing up from my desk. I set Ziggy down on the floor and put the file I’d been working on back in the desk drawer. I heard sounds of protest from Lauren as I walked around the room collecting my things. “Seriously. He only asked me like five minutes ago. That’s all the detail I have.”

Then I walked out of the office, holding the door open for Ziggy to follow and throwing a goodbye over my shoulder. A quick peek through the window saw Lauren sticking her tongue out at me. I just laughed and walked to my car. Once alone, I pulled out my phone to text Dean back.

That sounds great! What did you have in mind?

Once my message was sent, I connected my phone’s bluetooth to the radio and drove home, spending the trip trying to decide what I would wear tomorrow.

~~~~~

The next day seemed to drag on way too slowly. The morning wasn’t too bad. Rose taught the three classes before lunch and I always used the time to catch up on other things that needed to be done. I easily kept myself busy and distracted.

I ate lunch with Rose and Jackie. We discussed how classes were going and the upcoming trip for our local Special Olympics.

“I think I want to get Justin off of Trixie and onto a bigger horse,” Rose was saying. “Not until after Special Olympics, obviously. I’m not going to put him on an unfamiliar horse just before that. But he’s starting to outgrow her.”

“Yeah, I think so too. He’s outgrowing the saddle too. The stirrups are just barely long enough for him. Which horse are you thinking of switching him to?” I asked.

“I haven’t decided for sure. I figured I should check with you and see what you thought, but I was leaning towards Blaze. She’s still a relatively small horse so it won’t be too drastic of a change for him. And she’s really tolerant of squirmy, noisy riders.”

Trixie was our smallest horse, a cute little bay pony that all the small kids wanted to ride. Blaze was – in my opinion – our best horse. With 12 years of work here, she had been here longer than any of our other horses. She was just a couple steps up from being a pony herself, a great size for small to medium riders, and she was the most patient, even tempered horse I’d seen in my life.

“Yeah, Blaze would definitely work. Or maybe Captain.”

“Oh yeah, I didn’t even think about him. Justin would probably love him.”

Somehow, by some miracle I wasn’t going to question, neither Jackie or Rose brought up my date with Dean tonight. I was grateful because keeping my mind off of it was the only way to keep time from dragging.

But the later in the day it got, the slower time seemed to go. By the time my second to last class rolled around, I was itching to get out of here for the day and found myself checking the time more frequently than I should.

Just an hour and half to go, I reminded myself.

Dean and I had talked more last night to figure out a plan. I told him I wouldn’t be available until 7:30, maybe a little later. He assured me that was fine. Our plan was to grab something to eat at Applebee’s and then play some mini golf. It wasn’t anything fancy, but I preferred it that way. Simple and fun.

I had just said goodbye to the last riders of the day and was getting ready to put everything away for the night when Hannah and Morgan walked out.

“We’ll get everything put away tonight. You just go ahead and get home to get ready for your date,” Morgan said.

“Are you sure? It’ll just take me a few minutes,” I said.

“Exactly. Just a few minutes. We can spare a few minutes,” she answered.

“Ok. Well, thank you!” I told them as I headed for the office.

I would once again have to do class notes another day, but I did jot down a couple things I didn’t want to forget. Then I gathered up all my things and went home to get ready.

~~~~~

I pulled into the Applebee’s parking lot feeling like I was overflowing with nerves and excitement. I spotted a big sleek black car parked a few spaces down. This had to be Dean’s car.

He beat me again then, which obviously wasn’t a bad thing. I just hoped he hadn’t been waiting for a long time. I was only five minutes late though, and I’d warned him while I was getting ready that I might not quite make the agreed upon meet time, despite my best efforts.

I’d showered as quickly as I could, putting gel in my hair once I was out to combat the inevitable frizz once it dried, and then put it back in a low ponytail on the left side of my head, draping it over my shoulder. I wore light colored ripped skinny jeans paired with a green shirt whose sleeves had the shoulders cut out, an outfit I’d laid out on my bed this morning in an effort to save time. I even had makeup on tonight, something he hadn't seen yet. It felt good to put the time into looking nice.

I took a deep breath to try and calm my nerves a little and then stepped into the restaurant. Dean, who had been sitting in the little waiting area, stood as soon as he saw me. He was looking very handsome in a pair of jeans and a red button up shirt. The sleeves were rolled up just past his elbows, exposing his strong forearms.

“Hey,” he said when I reached him.

“Hi,” I answered. “Sorry I’m late.”

“It’s no big deal,” he said, waving off my apology as we walked towards the hostess. “Especially since you warned me ahead of time.”

“Just the two of you tonight?” The hostess asked.

“Yes,” Dean confirmed.

“Alright. Follow me,” she said, grabbing a couple of menus and leading us to a table.

The waiter came by to take our drink orders as soon as we were seated.

“I listened to the songs you gave me,” I told Dean when the waiter was gone.

“Oh yeah?” He asked, perking up. “What’d you think?”

“They were good!” I said. I liked all of them, even really enjoyed some of them. “I mean, if I’m being honest, I probably won’t be adding any of them to my playlist, but I wouldn’t change the station if they came on the radio.”

“Well you must not have liked them that much then,” Dean smiled wryly. “Which is fine, by the way. I just wanted to know what you thought of actual good rock music.”

“Good by your definition. I bet there are plenty of people out there who would argue that your music sucks and the real good rock music is like… I don’t know. Fall Out Boy or something.”

Dean wrinkled his nose in disgust.

“Well they would be wrong then. And clearly have no idea what they’re talking about,” he said. I laughed.

“It’s an opinion, Dean, not a fact. You can’t be wrong about an opinion. And by the way, I really did like the songs. I’m just picky about what I put on my playlist.”

We were both quiet for a couple of minutes as we scanned our menus. The waiter came back with our drinks, took our orders and then collected our menus.

“You know, if you wanted to give me a list of songs to listen to, it would only be fair,” Dean said.

“Oh. Thanks for the offer, but no,” I said.

“What? Why not?”

“Because you’re not gonna like my music,” I told him.

“Well the point isn’t to find something I’m guaranteed to like. It’s just to give me an idea of what you like.”

“Yeah, but… my playlist is a little bit all over the place. I probably have some stuff in there you wouldn’t mind. But if you ask me to pick favorites, it’s going to be a lot of pop stuff that you would hate. Plus it would be really hard for me to narrow down my favorites.”

“Alright,” he agreed, realizing how strongly I felt about this. “If you ever change your mind though, you’re entitled to ten songs that I have to listen to.”

It was sweet of him to offer. And I did love sharing songs I liked with people. Just… usually people I was a little more familiar with. People who already had a clear understanding of what music I liked.

“I guess I do have two songs for you,” I told him after I thought about it for a minute.

“Great! What are they?”

They were two of my favorites and there was even a chance he might actually like one of them. The other… I wasn’t sure what he would think of it, but he was much more likely to like it than a lot of the other stuff I liked.

“The first one is Soldiers by Otherwise. That one’s actually what I would consider more on the rock side of things. You might actually like it.”

“You don’t have to sell me on it,” he chuckled. “I’m listening to it no matter what. That was the deal. What about the other one?”

“Legends Never Die by Against the Current.”

“Interesting title. You might have to remind me what the names are later, but I’m looking forward to checking them out.”

We spent the rest of dinner talking about everything from movies and hobbies to embarrassing memories and favorite vacations.

Dean paid again, despite my protests, and then we made our way out to the parking lot.

“You can ride with me if you want,” Dean offered. “There’s not much point in us both driving when we’re going to the same place. I’ll bring you back here when we’re done.”

“Sure,” I agreed. “As long as you don’t mind.”

“I don’t mind,” he assured me.

I followed as he headed in the direction of the car I had correctly assumed to be his.

“Nice car,” I said, knowing he would appreciate the compliment, even if it came from someone that had no idea what they were talking about.

“Thanks!” He smiled proudly as we both got in. “She used to be my dad’s. I remember even as a kid looking at her sitting in the garage and just admiring her. Then Dad got into an accident about five years back. He was ok, but the car was a mess. He wanted to just sell her to a scrap yard, but I couldn’t stand to see that happen. I fixed her up myself and Dad gave her to me after that.”

“Wow. You must be some mechanic,” I said. “I would have never known this thing had been in an accident.”

Dean just brushed off the praise. He put the keys in the ignition and the car rumbled to life.

“I think I know how to get there,” he said. “But if I take a wrong turn or something, let me know.”

We weren’t far away at all, probably less than five minutes. If he had any sense of direction, I didn’t think he could really get lost. I agreed anyway, though.

“So you said this was only your second week here?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he confirmed.

“How’s it been? How are you liking the new job and your apartment and the town?”

“I’m liking it so far,” he told me. “The job’s good. It’s been a little slow at times, but I much prefer working by myself at a privately owned business than one of those big name places. I like the shop, I like Joe… it’s been a good start. Which isn’t always the case.”

I was glad to hear things were going well for him. Maybe they would continue to go well and he would stay here. Not that he had any immediate plans to pack up and move somewhere new – at least not that he’d told me – but I did wonder if this would be the town he finally decided was a good place to make his home.

“The apartment’s good too. Rent is a lot more reasonable than I’ve had in a while. It’s in good shape, it’s close to work, and I don’t have noisy neighbors. It’s definitely not where I want to be long term, but it’s a good starting point.”

“Yeah, that’s the nice thing about this town. Rent is usually very reasonable. People typically charge what the place is actually worth. Doesn’t guarantee a great apartment, but at least you’re not overpaying for a shoebox apartment that hasn’t been updated in thirty years.”

I’d stayed in a couple such places while I was in school because I hadn’t been able to afford anything better. I wouldn’t ever want to go back to either of them, but at least I knew I got my money’s worth.

“What about the town?” I asked again.

“It seems nice so far. Clean streets, thriving businesses, nice people. I usually find small town midwesterners to be pretty friendly and easy to get along with though, so that’s not a surprise.”

We pulled into the parking lot of the town’s indoor mini golf course. There was an outdoor one too, which I preferred, but it was getting too late for that one. It was almost dark out, so they probably were just letting people already out there finish up but not allowing new games.

“There is this one girl in particular that I’m really enjoying getting to know,” he continued once he’d parked and shut the engine off. He turned to look at me with a small smile pulling at one corner of his mouth. “She might be my favorite thing about this town so far.”

I blushed and looked down. I tried to push some hair back behind my ear – a nervous habit of mine – only to realize it was in a ponytail and I couldn’t.

“You haven’t gotten out very much then,” I told him. He chuckled.

“That’s probably true. But I’m pretty sure that even if I had, that wouldn’t change things.”

“Alright, well let’s go play some mini golf,” I said, opening my door and stepping out. I looked over and saw him stand up too. “I’m telling you now, I suck at this. I don’t know how good you are, but don’t go easy on me. Because you’ll probably still win anyway.”

We both walked around to the front of the car and then towards the door.

“I thought you said you liked mini golf,” he said.

“I do. You can enjoy something that you’re bad at.”

He smiled widely at me and I nearly lost my breath at the way it lit up his handsome face. Oh, he was dangerous. I didn’t think he was even doing it on purpose.

“I like that attitude. Just because you suck at something doesn’t mean it’s not worth doing.”

We got up to the front desk – Dean paying again, of course – took the clubs, scorecard, and pencil they handed us and each picked out a ball. I took a red one and Dean grabbed blue. Then we wandered over to the first hole.

~~~~~

“How’s work been going for you?” Dean asked when we were in his car on the way back to the restaurant. It turns out he wasn’t an amazing mini golfer himself, but he had still beaten me as I predicted.

“It’s been alright. Really busy,” I answered. Then I huffed out a small laugh as the mention of work brought to mind the people I work with. “My coworkers have been quite the nuisances lately.”

“How so?” He asked.

“Well you know my friends from the bar?”

“Yeah.”

“We all work together. So of course they noticed when we left together that night.”

Dean smirked a little, clearly catching on to where this story was going.

“I see,” he said knowingly.

“Yeah. Well, anyway, of course they made their assumptions. And then Jackie – she wasn’t there at the bar, but she’s another person from work – saw us at Ricky’s the next day. She’s a bit of a gossip and I’m not gonna lie, it’s been a while since I’ve been on a date. So apparently this was big news that she immediately told to everyone else we work with.”

“Which didn’t help with the assumptions I’m guessing,” Dean continued.

“No,” I smiled. “No it did not. They ambushed me at work.”

This statement earned a laugh from Dean. I was just glad he could laugh about it. As I told the story, it occurred to me that it might freak him out a little.

We were back at Applebee’s now and he pulled in next to my car. He turned his own car off, then hopped out and walked around to open my door for me. He shut the door behind me and then we both leaned against it, enjoying the night air while we finished our conversation.

“Anyway, I finally managed to convince them that we didn’t go home together. But then of course they turned into a bunch of twelve year old girls at a slumber party, trying to find out everything about you. And that’s pretty much been the state of things ever since.”

“Are they asking for your benefit, or out of their own interests?”

I scoffed.

“Why? You thinking of trading me in for an upgrade?” I asked.

“Definitely not,” he assured me with a smile. “Just trying to figure out what your friends are like. Speaking of people seeing us together, I had a very interesting gentleman bring his car into the shop the other day. He also saw us at Ricky’s I guess, and wanted to know what my intentions were.” He sounded like he was barely containing his laughter. “Any idea what that was about?”

I had a hunch I knew who it was, but I asked anyway.

“His name was Travis,” Dean informed me.

“That’s what I figured,” I sighed. “He volunteers at Freedom Reins. He’s been volunteering for about eight years now I think, and as one of the only men out there, he kind of sees himself as the protector of all of us women. As I’m sure you noticed, he’s a bit of a strange character. I suppose it probably doesn’t help that he has a bit of a crush on me,” I admitted with a rueful smile. “Or so I’m told anyway. He’s never said anything of the sort to me. Sorry if he made you uncomfortable.”

“Not at all. I thought it was pretty funny actually,” he told me.

“Small towns,” I sighed.

“Gotta love ‘em,” Dean concurred.

Tags: (Let me know if you want to be added or removed!)

@123passwort @buckybarnes-1917 @chicken-nuggs-and-cozy-hugs @globetrotter28 @suckitands33

#end up here #supernatural #fanfiction #au #nonhunting au #dean winchester #original female character #original characters #dean winchester x ofc

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trivalentlinks · 1 year

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there has been a question raised of whether animals can be infected with cordyceps in The Last of Us, and unfortunately I have some thoughts:

so i think we are pretty safe from crows with cordyceps, because the premise in the show is that cordyceps traditionally could not survive at high temperatures, that's why previously only insects and cold blooded animals would get infected, but because of global warming, the fungi mutated to be able to infect humans

most birds (including crows), though, have even higher body temperature than humans (41C for crows vs 37C for humans (106F vs 98F)), so the world would have to warm significantly to encourage cordyceps mutations that would affect them. those lucky birds.

(many bats also have body temperatures close to 41C, which is why when humans get infected by bat viruses, it's often very difficult for our immune systems to cook the viruses, since they were evolved to survive in much higher temperature bodies than ours)

monkeys, though, have similar body temperature to humans and are thus probably screwed :-(

of course, all of this is tlou specific. in real life, the mechanisms for who's more likely to get zombified are quite different

there are certainly many species that can get infected by diseases that control their behavior, ants getting hijacked by cordyceps (like in TLOU), and also by brain-controlling worms, and make them climb stalks of grass so that they get seen by predators. also crickets can have behaviour controlled by hairworms (nematodes)

... but it's not just insects/cold blooded animals, either

rats can be infected by toxoplasmosis, a protozoa parasite that makes them approach cats (so they get eaten and the toxo can reproduce inside the cat). and then there's rabies that can infect larger mammals (including humans), and make them bitey and aggressive, though in some cases they can make them tame and friendly instead, which is why you're supposed to avoid friendly wild animals

so it's not body temperature that's protecting humans so we don't all turn into zombies, so I guess the question is, what is it?

((warning: I have tried to be as sensitive as I can here, but I am a neuro-typical writing about neuro-divergence; I've gone back and forth on whether to post this, but I do find this idea fascinating and thought others might, too. if you're a mutual or a follower, I hope you would do me the kindness of assuming good faith on my part.

that said, i'd be happy to take this down if asked to!))

one hypothesis i find very fascinating is this idea of Del Giudice that what's saving us (and other large, K-selected animals) is weird brain chemistry and neuro-diversity. (also explained in a more down-to-earth way here, which is where if first learned about it)

to illustrate this, let's compare shrimp (called 'gammarids' in the paper if you want to check) to rats in terms of susceptibility to mind-controlling parasites. shrimp are constantly getting their brains hijacked by parasites, whereas rats are susceptible to toxo but this is an anomaly

with shrimp, the parasite controls their brain by increasing serotonin. toxo controls rats by increasing their levels of dopamine.

so far so similar.

where it becomes different is the way that the parasites increase the chemical: shrimp parasites hijack their brains by directly injecting serotonin into them. toxo does NOT just inject dopamine into the host. instead, it takes a much more circuitous route:

toxoplasma cysts do not directly secrete dopamine into the host’s brain; instead, they release a key enzyme in the synthesis of do- pamine (tyrosine hydroxylase) to increase its production by infected neurons (…). In male rodents, toxoplasma also invades the testes, where it stimulates the production of testosterone. Elevated testosterone increases vasopressin expression in the medial amygdala, a neu- rochemical alteration that seems to play a key role in the onset of “feline attraction” (…).

and that's only part of it, because scientists still don't understand the whole picture of how toxo controls rats; the reason that toxo can't just inject dopamine is because it wouldn't work: it actually makes rats avoid cats more:

Injecting serotonin in gammarid crustaceans is sufficient to reproduce the full syndrome caused by helminth infection (…); but increasing the availability of dopamine in the brain of ro- dents fails to evoke the “feline attraction” in- duced by toxoplasma—if anything, it seems to prompt avoidance behaviors rather than approach (…)

(emphasis mine. also when quoting the paper, I have removed their citations to make the text easier to read. you can find the citations in the link.)

The point being, our brains are really freaking complicated and all the chemical mechanisms work differently from what might be expected, because if they were simpler we'd all get hijacked by parasites all the time.

According to this hypothesis, this has the effect of making many mental illnesses very hard to treat: like you would hope that if some feeling is associated with low dopamine, then giving people the enzymes that go into creating dopamine (as dopamine itself can't pass the blood-brain barrier), would simply make them feel better, but, as in rats, this doesn't work, and sometimes causes psychosis

but, of course, there are parasites, like toxo, that can hijack even the brains of animals with complex mechanisms, like rats, so why haven't they zombified all of us?

One possible answer is variations in brains within our species (aka neuro-diversity). Just like how everyone's immune system is different so that parasites can't evolve around them, our brain chemistries are different from each other, so that parasites can't evolve around their mechanisms

To be clear, I am NOT saying anyone's struggles or difficulties with brain chemistry weirdness is a good thing/worth it to save humanity from all being zombified by parasites; i know that for many people brain chemistry struggles can be brutally hard to work with and is sometimes even fatal, and i would absolutely not be so presumptuous as to say someone else's pain is worth it for our species--indeed isn't part of the message of TLOU that saving humanity from all getting zombified may not be worth a child's life? though if you like your particular brain chemistry weirdness, then of course it's a good thing, and i celebrate it with you!

this also manifests in our responses to drugs; serotonin is known to make people feel better, and one major class of anti-depressants are selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, or SSRIs, which inhibit serotonin reuptake, so that your cells end up with more serotonin around them

but apparently, while they work for many people, they cause some people to be more depressed, and may even cause some people psychosis, which can be very frustrating and terrifying for these patients,

According Del Giudice's hypothesis, if it weren't this way, we'd all have been zombified by some serotonin-reuptake-inhibiting brain parasite millions of years ago;

this variance in human brain chemistry may be a byproduct of our million year war with zombie-ism

Anyway, it's just some guy's theory, and many scientists are critical of evolutionary psychology anyway, but I find this idea that neurodiversity is part of what's saving us from all getting zombified somewhat interesting

#cordyceps #the last of us #zombies #warning: i tried to be sensitive here but i (a neurotypical) discuss neurodiversity/neurodivergence in this post #so i went back and forth on whether to post it; in the end i decided to b/c i find this idea interesting and i thought others might too #but i'd be happy to take this down if asked to #also warning for:#evolutionary psychology

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what-do-1000-swords-look-like · 2 years

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I recently bought this song (It's Never Too Late by Steppenwolf) after seeing it mentioned in another post on here I think. I've been listening to it obsessively because I fell in love with it (I've also been trying to find all the music used in the show in its original airing, Netflix is making that difficult *looking at you Netflix*) And this song used for this scene in 13x05 with the camera panning during it left me with only one thought:

This show made choices:

youtube

Literally these lines play out while Dean is driving and his phone rings:

"Your family comes to your grave And with tears in their eyes They tell you, you did something wrong"

And when Dean picks up the phone and says 'Yeah?' & then his face changes (when he presumably hears Cas' voice on the other end): "You left us alone"

And in this episode, we literally have Dean feeling hopeless, needing a win. After we've seen him not really himself the past few episodes (especially apparent in 13x01-13x03). After we've seen that even Sam notices this as well and tries to be extra nice to him.

Then for the rest of the drive (after we see the light shine on Dean's face, noticeable due to its brightness as well as Dean's face being kept to the same dark tones the car has been in for this scene, like Sam):

And the one time we see any light on both Sam and Dean (portrayed as a passing car's headlights) is when Dean picks up the phone:

(notice how the lighting is on them from the side, not head on for either of them)

And right from that shot we immediately go to this closeup of Dean:

Where did the light suddenly go? For continuity, wouldn't it make sense to keep the light there in some form until it passes in a realistic time frame? But no, they switch into the closeup coverage for Jensen, not thinking about that continuity because they want the audience to focus on what's happening for Dean right now. Even Sam's closeup shot that we get is focused on Dean. This is obviously an important moment for Dean and it surrounds this phone call, whether that be who is calling or what they're saying.

Then after the drive, he pulls up to the spot where Cas said to meet him and parks, gets out, & sees Cas:

"Tell me who's to say after all is done And you're finally gone, you won't be back again You can find a way to change today You don't have to wait 'til then It's never too late to start all over again"

Suddenly the lyrics are cut off and it melds into the instrumental end of the song until the shot ends and goes into the credits.

Had the song been allowed to play out until the end of the episode, here are the lyrics that we would have heard:

"To love the people you caused the pain And help them learn your name Oh, no, not too late"

And why is this important? Because if you watch the full scene (linked above), they purposely have these lyrics happening as they take out the body of the kid, show his mom who is devastated, reaching out to touch his face:

"Your eyes are moist, you scream and shout As though you were a man possessed From deep inside comes rushing forth All the anguish you suppressed Upon your wall hangs your degree Your parents craved so much for you And though you're trained to make your mark You still don't quite know what to do It's never to late to start all over again

To love the people"

The kid's face in his mom's hands transitions into Dean driving Baby with this line playing over the transition: "you caused the pain" and we get this shot of Dean:

In this sequence of scenes, we literally get Dean talking to Sam, Sam surmising that Dean doesn't believe that they're making a difference anymore, Dean saying he needs a win, the kid being brought out in a body bag (the dead party, the one they didn't want to lose/hoped to save), the mother being devastated and needing to touch his face, this shot transitioning into Dean looking very much like disassociating!Dean (or at the very least pissed off!Dean), then the phone call, then the reunion.

So in 12x23, Cas gets killed in front of Dean and Sam. Dean falls to his knees and is in shock.

In 13x01, we get Dean uncovering Cas to take one last look at him (aka unzipping the body bag so you can take one last look/touch the face one last time like mentioned above) and then burning him with Sam and Jack present. Not to mention the scene where he punches the wooden sign after Chuck doesn't answer his prayer to bring Mary, Cas, or Crowley back. (keep in mind, we get Dean telling Chuck to bring Cas back along with everyone else who Chuck Thanos-snapped in 15x19 but with the line 'You gotta bring him back')

We know that while the boys wanted Mary back, Dean still was going through grief. To the point where he became like John while dealing with Jack in the first few episodes, he's not fully himself, and we see (along with Sam) that Dean is drinking more than he normally does.

The whole lyrics of the song actually fit the theme of this episode (for Dean) and everything he's been going through quite nicely, especially in this moment. Particularly these lines:

"Well, it's much too late to start again To try and find a little bliss" - this is how Dean is feeling right now (until 13x06)

"So on your woman and your child You release your bitterness" - we know that Jack basically becomes Dean's son later on but think of how he treated Jack from 13x01-13x03 (not sure how far in advance they knew how they would develop Jack's relationship with Dean, but regardless, it still ends up connecting nicely, especially since Jack is the one who woke up Cas in The Empty which led to Cas coming back)

"You drift apart some more each day You feel the guilt and loneliness" - again, we've seen this for Dean since 13x01

"And the God of your childhood you can't find To save you from your emptiness" - Chuck didn't answer Dean at all when he prayed in 13x01, he was gone again - also Cas is in The Empty

It all connects. And here's the thing, yes, they left the family line in of the song and someone could say, well, that's all Dean thought of Cas as so that's why they left it in. That's why they paralleled Dean to the mother in this episode. But that's not the case and here's why:

The very next line of the chorus that they cut for Cas' closeup and panning in was: "To love the people you caused the pain". They literally could have left that line in with the following two lines of the chorus, but instead they cut it out. They played about 65-70% of the song and only cherry picked certain parts (as we see above). They made editing choices, like having the line "You left us alone" when Dean hears whoever is speaking to him on the other end. They picked this song not only for the theme of it because it would go so well with Cas coming back and Dean getting his win (even the line "it's never too late to start over again" -- what is starting over? Cas' life? Cas' time with the Winchesters?) but because it actually applied to the story (which we know they've done before). Not to mention, Steve Yockey wrote this episode (that should be telling in itself, 12x10 anyone?).

So the fact that they cut that line to go straight into the instrumental end, after doing all of this purposeful editing before it (with the scenes and lyrics matching), that just shows that they were very aware of what they were actually showing the audience without being too on the nose about it. They utilized every other device (the pan-ins, the editing, the framing, etc) to show you just how important Cas was to Dean and that his loss affected Dean greatly, to the point where he stopped believing in what his purpose was or the effect that he and Sam had on people with what they were doing. (remember Sam's vision in 15x09 when Dean wanted to quit hunting?)

And then of course you have the block of writers who covered Dean's grieving arc this season:

Andrew Dabb (who also wrote 12x23)

Bucklemming

Robert Berens

Meredith Glynn

Steve Yockey

Davy Perez

Andrew Dabb, the showrunner at this point and through the end of the series (which means he greenlit from his end the whole arc of Dean and Cas in season 15 and the ILY in 15x18, only the network and/or studios had to greenlight it after); also wrote 8x02, 8x08, 10x22, 11x23, 11x02 (where Empty is first mentioned by Billie btw), 12x09, co-wrote 14x13

Bucklemming, while not being the strongest writers on the team sometimes, still made things happen, like the 15x19 phone call (Lucifer-loved one element/parallel)/Dean run for instance; they also wrote 8x07, 9x03, 9x09, 11x03 (when Dean wouldn't let Cas heal him), 14x12, 15x02 ("You asked what about all of this is real. We are"), 15x13 (Cas' trip to The Empty)

Robert Berens who also wrote 15x03, 15x09, and 15x18 respectively, and of course the infamous ILY line; wrote 9x06 (Steve!Cas), 14x03 (Dean's return from Michael possession); also co-wrote 12x19 (Cas stealing the Colt)

Meredith Glynn who not only wrote 15x17, Byzantium (season 14), and 13x14 (where Donatello chokes Dean) but also co-wrote 15x11 (the "I always thought I could be a good dancer" line), 14x13, and 12x19 (mix tape)

Steve Yockey who also wrote 12x10 ("I'm going to help cure you of your human weakness"), 13x19 ("Don't get dead again"), 14x14, & 14x10 ("Why do you always want what you can't have?")

Davy Perez who also wrote 12x12 ("I love you. I love all of you"), 15x15 (where Dean stops Cas before he leaves the bunker), and 15x04; also co-wrote 15x11

All. Very. Purposeful.

So the fact that that line was cut out when Cas was in the scene with Dean, sure you could try to chalk it up to timing or copyright (not 100% sure but there may be limits to what can be played for $ or rights reasons), but when you give it an aerial view and look at the big picture, it absolutely makes sense.

While they couldn't come out and be on the nose with it, something that overt at that point (I mean, just look at some of the ILY reactions to this day, even the lack of Dean's response & how people still argue that Dean only thinks of Cas in a certain way), they showed you everywhere else that Dean absolutely was grieving Cas and Cas affected him in a massive way, that went beyond friendship, camaraderie, and even family.

Cas was special to Dean. So was Sam (obviously). But there was definitely a difference between the two for Dean.

#destiel #destiel meta #deancas #dean x cas #spn #spnposts #this turned into a longer post than i anticipated #destiel does that to me #metaposts #destielposts

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5sosxqueen · 1 year

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Luke Appendicitis

< Part 1 , ~Part 2~

I totally kept up with the updates last week... 😅 Welp, I'll be posting three today. (All Luke. Hope you guys like him!)

Warnings: surgery, hospitals, minor descriptions of the surgery

Written in 2018

Published (Wattpad) - Jan 28, 2018

Word Count: 1628

Updates are every Tuesday and Thursday

Also Available on Wattpad and AO3!!!

Part 2:

Michael's POV:

"SOMEBODY HELP US!" I was the worst kind of mess as I carried a, seemingly lifeless, Luke into the ER, Aston, Matt, and Calum not far behind me. "PLEASE, WE NEED MEDICAL ATTENION!" A couple nurses instantly ran over with a gurney and told me to lay him down.

"One of you needs to tell us what happened." One of the nurses told us while the other looked him over. Luke was beyond pale with a hint of green to his face, a sheer layer of sweat that glistened in the lighting, semi dried blood plastered onto his face and shirt, and his was hair disheveled.

"He's showing signs of appendicitis. I've had it... But I noticed he has redness and swelling on the left side of his abdomen, rather than the right. How is that possible? I thought the appendix is always on the right." Ashton informed them. The nurse checked Luke's stomach and sure enough, it was just as he had said.

"Ok we need to get him back right now! Page Dr. Moore." One of the nurses anounced to the other as rhey rushed him into the back. We were told to have a seat in a private waiting room and wait for his prognosis.

We had been really quiet for what seemed like forever. 10 minutes later I spoke up through silent tears. "Do you think he's going to be ok. I don't want anything to happen to him..."

"He will be fine Michael. Remember Ash has been through this as well and he's fine." Calum said wrapping me into a hug as I quietly sobbed into my hands.

"I'm so scared Calum... He looked so lifeless." I could no longer hold it in, I was bawling loudly by this point. He started rocking me back and forth slightly. I felt Ashton throw his arm around me and Matt's gental touch on my shoulder.

"It's ok to be scared Mikey, but he will be ok. Just breathe buddy." Matt cooed. We all stayed in that position until we heard a familiar name being called.

"Family for Hemmings. Are you guys here for Hemmings?" We all nodded. "Ok, are all of you his brothers?" Once again we all nodded. "Very well," he said with a smile. "Well we have confirmed your suspisions on it being appendicitis, but Luke also has something called Situs Inversus. Now, there are two subtypes of this disease. There is one called dextrocardia, which is where a persons organs are a complete mirror image of that of a you and I and there's another one called levocardia, which the heart is on the left, but the other organs are reversed, which is what Luke has. Depending on whether or not his appendix has burst, he could be in surgery for 30 minutes to a couple of hours. He will need to stay here for a few days to recover, however if it has ruptured he could be here anywhere from 1 week to a month, depending on whether his body develops an infection. We need one of you to sign these consent papers to perform the appendectomy." Matt reached for the papers and signed them before handing them back. The doctor nodded, rapidly retreating back into the double doors.

Another nurse came out and led us to another waiting room. We had been talking for a while and after 30 minutes had come and gone, we we're getting really worried. "It's been 45 minutes..." Calum stated looking at us with clear worry on his face. "You guys think it ruptured?"

"Unfortunately, I think it's highly likely, but it's also only been 15 minutes so we can't fully go based off of that speculation." Ashton reminded him. Another 15... "Shit." He said looking at his phone.

"So more than likely, his appendix did rupture." I added and everyone agreed. "I'm going to go see if there are any updates. I'll be back." I walked over to a reception desk nearby. "Excuse me, I'm not trying to be impatient, but it's been an hour since my friend has gone back for an appendectomy. Have you heard anything?"

"What is his name sir?" The attendant asked me.

"Oh sorry..." I smirked at my forgetfulness. "Luke Hemmings."

"Ohh... I thought I recognised you... I just didn't want to jump to conclusions." She said happily. "Oh, um, it says here that his appendix has ruptured. He's still in surgery Michael."

"Damnit... Ok thank you ma'am." I said with a sigh as I walked back to the eager boys.

"Any news?" Matt asked, beating the other two boys to the punch.

I sighed. "It's not good... His appendix did rupture. How long has it been now?"

"It's only been about 5 minutes... So an hour and 5 minutes since he's gone in." Calum explained. "Well would anyone like something to eat or drink? It's about to be 7:30am."

"Yes please, coffee and surprise me." I said. I don't normally drink coffee, but since I've been up since around 2am I need it desperately.

"You know what I like Calum, thanks." Ashton said, slowly falling asleep on Matt's shoulder.

"Just a coffee for me, thanks Calum. We will let you know if we bear anything." Matt responded.

Calum walked out of the waiting room and went down to the cafeteria while we sat in wait. Calum came back up after 20 minutes. "Matt, here is your coffee. Michael, I brought your coffee and a chicken salad for you."

"You trying to tell me something, huh, Cal-Pal?" I chuckled out giving him a huge grin.

"No, shut up Michael." He said playfully smaking my arm. "Ash, I brought you a parfait and a coffee. You look like you could use some as well." Ash nodded and we all thanked him once again. We ate our probable brunch within 10 minutes.

"It's almost been 2 hours guys. He should be out soon." No sooner than Ashton saying that, the man we assumed to be Dr. Moore reentered the room and appeared before us.

"Hello guys, I believe I hadn't properly introduced myself earlier. I'm Dr. Moore." He shook all of our hands. "So I'm not sure if you had heard, but Luke's appendix had ruptured. The laparoscopic appendectomy had taken much longer due to massive amounts of puss that we had to clean before we could suture the incision. He is in recovery now and you may see him, but you need to be wary of his stomach for a while. He is asleep for the moment and when he wakes up we will move him to a private room for observation. Now if you folks will follow me..." He turned around and started walking toward the double doors. He led us back to the post-surgery room and we all gathered around Luke cautiously and waited for him to open his eyes.

"Mmmmn..." Luke slowly opened his eyes and started looking around. "What- what happened?"

"Your appendix burst buddy." Ashton told him.

"So they cut me open..." He said making a disgusted face. "I feel so violated." Luke was still very loopy from the anesthesia. It made all of is chuckle.

"How do you feel though." Matt asked rubbing his hand through his hair.

"Very happy..." He said making the goofiest face. I covered my mouth turning around and busted up laughing, nearly falling to my knees from lack of oxygen. He turned to Calum. "What's funny Cally poo?" He was confused about my laughing, but his nickname for Calum only made me die. My damn sides hurt like hell.

"Boy, do I wish I had my camera..." Ashton said wiping a tear that was escaping his eye from cracking up. "This is gold... Oh my gosh... Huh. Glad to have you, somewhat, back Lukey."

"I think we should try asking him when he's a little more alert. What do you guys think?" Calum said through a teethy grin.

"Definitely." I said as I gained composure.

"I'm tired guys." Luke said as his eyelids started drooping.

"Go to sleep bud. We will be here when you wake up." He nodded and instantly fell asleep. I felt the sting of tears in my eyes again. I pressed my palms into them.

"Awe Mikey, what's wrong?" Calum walked over to me and threw an arm around me.

"He's going to be ok... I'm just so thankful he is alive. I was so worried." Everyone came over to me and enveloped me in a hug.

"We told you he'd be ok Michael." Ash said rubbing my hair.

Luke woke up an hour later and looked at all of us. "Hey bud, how are you feeling?" Matt asked again.

"I feel a bit sore, but my stomach no longer feels like it's being torn open... What happened?"

"Well that's ironic isn't it? You had your appendix taken out." Ashton said.

"Oh. So you were right then. Well I'm feeling a lot better now. How long do I have to be here?" Luke asked just as Dr. Moore walked in.

Luke ended up staying in the hospital for a week with no infection. He was almost back to his perfectly happy, healthy self, he was just a bit sore from the surgery. The stitches we're removed before leaving the hospital. He was really excited to get out and eat pizza and perform for his fans once again.

"Hello Luke, I'm Dr. Moore." He shook Luke's hand. "I can answer your question on how long you will be here. Since you had a rupture, you are going to be staying here for at least one week under observation. We will be checking your temperature periodically along with having you hooked up to telemetry. Hopefully you don't develop any infection." Luke nodded and soaked the information in. "Now that you are awake we can get you into your room so you can rest." We we're all able to walk with them as they transferred him to his room. Luke was already starting to fall asleep on the way there.

#5sos #5 seconds of summer #luke hemmings #michael clifford #ashton irwin #emeto #calum 5sos #vomit sickfics #ashton 5sos #michael 5sos

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