#I've rambled A LOT in this one but I had THOUGHTS | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dribs-and-drabbles · 11 months

Text

Colours in Our Skyy 2 Bad Buddy x A Tale of Thousand Stars ep 3

In which I get a little bit more meta than I usually do...

So as we know, this ep was spent mostly in the forest on a few days during which the characters couldn't change clothes, which means there are less colours/clothes to comment on. That being said, the red and blue pairings were provided in all possible places.

Tian's plaid shirt from the night before also has thin red stripes to accompany the blue, and kampung's jersey and Pran's tote bag offer another pairing. I think there's also blue, red and yellow in Kampung's t-shirt. I love that Pran brought his bag with him - despite being lost in the forest, Pat is still metaphorically with him. I think it's also interesting that Pran's shirt looks almost camouflage, and that he mostly wears it when he's taking the lead - looking after Tian on the way to Bull Camp and then accompanying Phupha when Kampung goes missing. Knowing that Pran ends up portraying Phupha in the play - and despite Pran playing Tian in his and Pat's role-playing of the other couple - it's a clever choice in this ep.

Pat, on the other hand, does get a change of clothes at the start of this ep, and with the brown, green, and cream he looks like he's trying to imitate the rangers' uniform to be included in the search party.

Plenty of people have commented on how Pran and Tian have been made to look very similar, especially with their hair, but in the below scene it's so clear how the show is trying to have the characters 'imitate' each other. Pran and Tian are in the same colours, only the white and yellow are reversed in their clothing. Pat and Phupha, as already mentioned, also sporting the same colours. But the mixed-pairings also have similar shoes - Pran and Tian in canvas lace-ups with cream toes/soles, and Pat and Phupha in leather boots. The show is really drilling into us, 'look how similar these people are!', but as we learn from their interactions it seems Pran and Phupha are more alike, as are Pat and Tian (hence why they end up playing those roles in the play).

Once Pat and Tian have made their way back to the village, Pat changes into his teal shorts and a brown shirt. I haven't offered much colour-interpretation yet in this post but in general brown and olive green feature quite heavily this ep, especially with all the camouflage. I think this partly comes more from the atots side of this crossover and the use of earth tones in the original series, but it's incheresting that there's been so. much. talk. about sacrificing arising from this ep. I won't go into it all but they're all dealing with something (or multiple things) they have to yield on or sacrifice.

But Pat here, below, has a moment - a mini-Oh! moment - where he realises he has to yield to himself. Having this 'nonsense' fight with Pran and going through their experiences in Pha Pun Dao has made Pat confront and admit to himself something which he either hasn't realised or has been repressing for a long time - that he can't live without Pran. Yes, Pat has always wanted to be around Pran, he always wants to help him, and he's been depressingly lonely without him...but being unable to live without Pran seems heavier. And this realisation goes beyond acquiescing on the fight with Pran, because it has consequences for the bigger picture of their lives and hiding from their families. And that's scary. So no wonder he's perhaps repressed this from himself, instead feeling easier to tease Pran about him always needing Pat, to bicker about who needs the other the most, and to sit in the nonsense fight rather than acknowledge what it really means.

Incidentally, I like that Pat pulled the watch out of his shorts pocket - the object that Pran links to Pat and the teal that seems to symbolise their union as a couple.

Someone (sorry I don't remember who) mentioned that Pat wears a lot more stripy shirts now than he ever did in BBS, which is potentially an influence from Pran, but I love that they're both wearing their love and happiness when they reunite back at the village. I also sat up at seeing Tian's brown t-shirt with the yellow rectangle over his heart - reminiscent of Pran's long-sleeved top in ep 8 of BBS. Tian is ready to sacrifice himself and his health again to go into the forest to look for Kampung and Phupha, with his love for them driving him to do it. (In ep 8, Pran's love for Pat took him away from drinking with Wai to comfort a sullen Pat).

And then on to that final scene with Pat and Pran and we get Pat in Pran's red and cream/yellow shorts, and Pran in Pat's dark blue (or their teal)...and an ominous dark green. They're finding a resolution to their little fight but it's bittersweet.

Coming back to what I was saying about Pat's Oh! moment above, I think him asking Pran to apply the bruise cream was a way for Pat to admit to himself and Pran, albeit subtly, that he does need Pran, and for Pran to understand that admission. (And I'll quickly say that I don't think Pran needed to be the one to say it first but I'll come back to that below). When Pat gives Pran's watch back, however, he reverts to the teasing "Like I said, you can't live without me", he's trying to keep things jovial. Tian has already told Pran about Pat's realisation though - not to aid any teasing or to bolster one side of the fight, he doesn't seem that type of character (he's not a gremlin like Pat and Pran). No, I think he sees that Pat and Pran need this knowledge open between them and facilitates a way for it to happen. In true PatPran fashion, Pran goads Pat into saying it and Pat's soft look to Pran shows his gratitude to have the opportunity (below). Pat needs to admit it out loud to himself and to Pran - the person to whom it means the most for him to hear it. His sigh before he says it is a relief, it's releasing the hold he's had on his fear about what it might mean for them, and Pran's reaction helps alleviate that.

Pran's "Neither can I" isn't as big and dramatic as Pat's statement, but that's because it's not revelatory, not for Pran (who's known it since he fell for Pat in high school and couldn't get over him even after being sent away and pushing Pat away once they had reunited at Uni), and not for Pat - there was always some truth in Pat's original words, "without me, he can't do anything" and they both know that. Pran wasn't the one who needed to admit to Pat that he needs Pat because it's been known all along. But Pran repeating now, in his own way, that he can't live without Pat helps to strengthen their bond.

This moment is bittersweet because of their situation - there is no option to not be together, they've known this already but now it's been explicitly said, so until their parents can be comfortable with them together they will always be hiding something, making sacrifices. This is their life. They're able to understand that on a deeper level.

With this understanding, Pran, unable to do or say anything else, takes his focus to something tangible: The watch, and what it represents - Pat, his time with Pat, their history and connection from childhood, the gaps when they were separated, and their reuniting in Uni. @btwinlines started off a great thread about how time stops for Pat and Pran when they're apart, but the watch also represents how time might make things easier in the future and that all they can do is hope. And, in the meantime, love each other the best they can through all these little fights they have. It's not a grand resolution for them, like Phupha and Tian get later in the show, because they're not in the same place as the other couple. This is just a snapshot of their journey towards where we see them at the end of ep 12 in BBS, so if it feels like they're in limbo when we leave them, they are, but with a renewed perspective of each other and the poignancy of it all.

I'm almost certain this will be a coincidence, but I love that when Pran puts the watch on again it's almost at the same time as when he reset it at the end of BBS ep 1. I love that it's ten minutes later though, because it symbolises how time has moved on for them - i.e how much has changed - since they got together, and therefore how much more will change as time keeps moving forward. And that's something they can trust in.

[ep 1] [ep 2] [ep 3] [ep 4] (<- I was right to be hopeful!)

74 notes · View notes

iridescentmirrorsgenshin · 6 days

Note

do you have an analysis on Alhaitham and Kaveh having no family in sumeru, (haithams grandma, kavehs mother going to fontaine) so they only had eachother? So their falling out must have hit harder-

Hiya! Thank you so much for the ask!! <333

I have some analyses on Alhaitham and Kaveh being each other's home and family! There's quite a few so I'll be brief with the synopses here as I don't want to bombard you hahaha <3 I have discussed the idea of Alhaitham being the ideal companion/family for Kaveh in an analysis of Kaveh's 2023 birthday letter; the motif of 'home' and what it means for Kaveh and how Alhaitham factors into it; as well as in the relationship between Kaveh's mother and father and how this parallels with Alhaitham and Kaveh's relationship.

In terms of Alhaitham and Kaveh's argument, I've discussed Sumeru's concept of the academic family and how Alhaitham and Kaveh's argument served as the dissolution of their found family, as well as an analysis of their argument, specifically from Alhaitham's omitted perspective. I have also speculated life for the two post-fallout, mostly from Alhaitham's perspective as Kaveh (as usual) is more open in his character stories.

You've highlighted a really key aspect of their relationship which haunts me - they met each other after the respective loss of their own families. Kaveh just said goodbye to his mother as Alhaitham enrolled in the Akademiya, just after his own grandmother passed. This passage described in Kaveh's character story 5 describes this, and then him meeting Alhaitham within the same passage.

Kaveh is described to have 'wishful thinking' regarding his and Alhaitham's friendship, in that, where he initially believed that their views aligned, despite the reality they have differing approaches to life, this isn't inherently a negative thing, as it can lead to new philosophies. Kaveh didn't want to believe that their differences were impossible to surmount, and instead that they complimented each other. Perhaps Alhaitham thought so too? They both agreed to work on a joint thesis together, with this conveying the implications of forming an academic family in Sumeru, with Kaveh trusting Alhaitham in picking a topic that highlighted both of their strengths - which ended up being a project revolving around language and architecture; two subjects which Kaveh now believes to exist on opposite sides of the mirror. Initially, this was to demonstrate the good that could come from balancing these seemingly opposing fields.

Although, it would inevitably come to be that problems arose between them when the differences in their philosophies became a point of contention. The two's previous harmony became misaligned when the assertion that their respective viewpoint was 'correct' over the other. When Kaveh tears up the thesis, he effectively ends the relationship he and Alhaitham built together, as well as the prospect of their found family. Alhaitham, in turn, removed his name from the thesis due to Kaveh's ending of their friendship.

After this, Kaveh graduated and threw himself into work, chasing his ideals, effectively distracting himself - both from the loss of Alhaitham, therefore his loneliness, and from the potential truth that Alhaitham revealed to him about his guilt being the cause of his incessant altruism. Contrarily, Alhaitham's life after this point is devoid of detail, only that he became the Scribe and moved out of his grandmother's house into the property that the Akademiya gifted him and Kaveh for the progress of their abandoned project.

Kaveh describes meeting Alhaitham as one of the most pivotal moments in his life in his hangout, and in A Parade of Providence, he describes their meeting as when his life began to go downhill - indicating, rather, to the consequences of their inevitable falling out. Alhaitham considers Kaveh as one of his priorities in maintaining the way of life he seeks to maintain, and although he is more reticent than Kaveh, in that his inner thoughts are concealed from the player, an instance that stands out to me that their argument personally affected Alhaitham comes from A Parade of Providence. This is when Alhaitham comments on the contradiction of Kaveh's motives, in that he expresses he has bad luck but insists on drawing lots, despite the fact that Faruzan offers to split the points between them. After commenting on this, Kaveh displays genuine frustration with him - to which Alhaitham backs down and switches tact. This is especially prevalent within the EN dub, where Alhaitham stutters before changing topics.

To me this underlines that Alhaitham was just as affected at by their argument as Kaveh was. Especially since this exchange can mirror the very exchange that caused the rift between them - in that Alhaitham points out Kaveh's self-destructive habits and it is perceived as a malicious critique. Alhaitham backs down when seeing that Kaveh is genuinely hurt because he doesn't want to repeat the past - he doesn't want to hurt Kaveh and lose him once more.

This is also encapsulated in the fact that Alhaitham sees Kaveh as his mirror, in that they both have a lack of familial connections. When Alhaitham believes that the presence of another genius can 'perfect' his vision, this isn't just a reference to Kaveh's differing perspectives, this also offers Kaveh as a familial figure to Alhaitham - in that, Alhaitham views Kaveh as his family. Similarly, Kaveh seems to hold an idea that he and Alhaitham are bound by fate, or 'the universe', meaning that he identifies Alhaitham as being essential to him in someway, however, as of now, he struggles with this being a benefit, rather than a negative.

I hope this answers your ask!!? You've unzipped me and all the haikaveh found family brainrot is pouring out <3333

#haikaveh #kavetham #alhaitham #kaveh #haikaveh meta #genshin meta #kavehtham #genshin impact #i think i rambled!! i repeated points that i've made in the posts i tagged but i thought i should summarise my overall thoughts #in case it was helpful? i tagged an awful lot of posts so just read the ones that most appeal to you!!#this was very fun (and by that i mean painful) to consider #family is so interwoven into both of their character stories that its almost ridiculous like we get it hoyo #alhaitham considers kaveh to be his family (implied) (but also canon)#and kaveh views alhaitham as his 'home' but is in denial (implied) (but also canon)#also i know that i talked a lot about their life after the argument but there is such a lack of detail on both ends about what happened #immediately following that #like kaveh was not graduating yet meaning that they would have likely seen each other within the akademiya #and they would have had to act indifferent to each other #kaveh would have put on his front he used around everyone else and alhaitham would have continued viewing everything objectively #but they were both deeply affected #and then alhaitham has the gall in kavehs hangout to say 'there was nothing embarrassing or shameful about it' as in their argument as if h #didnt lose his chosen found family and had chosen to rebuild this bond in the future since kaveh was still so intrinsic to him #HES EMBARRASSING!!#thank you for the ask!!!

21 notes · View notes

sugarsnappeases · 2 months

Text

thank you for the tag @fxreflyes this is so cute, except the format is trying to hinder my propensity to ramble, so i’ve rectified this in the tags lmao

i’m over 5'5 / i wear glasses or contacts / i have blonde hair / i often wear sweatshirts / i prefer loose clothing over tight clothes / i have one or two piercings / i have at least one tattoo / i have blue eyes / i have dyed or highlighted my hair / i have or have had braces / i have freckles / i paint my nails / i typically wear makeup / i don’t often smile / resting bitch face / i play sports / i play an instrument / i know more than one language / i can cook or bake / i like writing / i like to read / i can multitask / i’ve never dated anyone / i have a best friend i’ve known for over five years / i am an only child

no pressure tags for @static-radio-ao3 @inevitablestars @itsjaywalkers @carniferous @orbitfalls @transsexualpriest @futurequibblerjournalist <333

#i'm like 5'7 i think. fun fact i used to wear glasses when i was like 11 bc all my friends were getting glasses and i wanted some too so i #lied to my optician. lol good times. don't actually need glasses tho soooo.#this is me coming out as a natural blonde guys….. like my hair hasn’t been blonde in a good year or so and it hasn’t been my natural blonde #in like three/four years but still in my heart of hearts i identify as a blonde. like i get confused when people don't count me as one #i have my ears and nose pierced and i would love a tattoo but unfortunately i have both a fear of needles and commitment issues so.#not sure if that’ll ever happen… would be very hot and sexy tho. also i'm one of those freaks with green eyes lol it's appaza quite rare #my hair is currently like dark dark brown… have been getting the itch to dye it again tho like a kinda reddish colour idk yet we’ll see #i had braces for AAGES. i have freckles in the summer and i paint my nails whenever i remember to. rn they’re a very chipped lilac colour #i think i have a resting bitch face but i can never tell tbf like it might be more of a resting 'dead to the world' face lmao #okay technically i don’t play an instrument anymore! but in the past i’ve dabbled with the cello the oboe and the xylophone. singing too #spanish and italian baybee although ig if this means like fluently then that’s not me but this is literally my degree it’s my whole brand #yes i like to read but also the only things ive read in like the last few months have been either books in spanish/italian for my degree #literary criticism for said span/ital books and… fanfic. so. also i like writing but it's my worst enemy rn the thoughts aren't working :(#i have many best friends that i’ve known for years!!!! in fact i've known some of my friends for like my entire life it's very cute #okay sorry for rambling i can never help myself and i also literally could go on icl like there was Some restraint applied here #kara lore #bc there's quite a lot of it in this one lol #tag games

22 notes · View notes

pallanophblargh · 1 year

Text

I think part of me expected this burnout would last a long time, but it’s drawing close to a year now. I have a strong reason to suspect medications are prolonging it. Granted: I have no intention of stopping medication, but I suspect I may need to make some changes. It’s been nice not to feel burning rage/crippling despair/panic most of the time, but I also miss being able to actually... act on things! Start things! Feel some semblance of motivation, as fleeting as it is. Mostly my reaction to prompts of any kind are “nah, don’t wanna” or “so what?” which isn’t terribly conducive to anything more than day to day life. (Y’all, I can’t even reliably plan my vacation and that’s pretty terrible.)

I’m saying this in part as a sort of explanation as to why I’ve been so slow to respond to anything, or post any art, or even re-open commissions this past year. I just... generally can’t make myself do anything that isn’t a part of my daily maintenance routine. Knowing that making art (even personal art) takes 3x times as long to complete is a standout reason I’ve been refusing to reopen commissions especially, since I’d be unwilling to make clients wait more than a few months for even something as simple as a sketch. People were patient enough with “Old Me,” I don’t think most would hold out for “New Me.”

Thankfully I’m speaking to my doctor tomorrow regarding my experiences on the current medication, and maybe I can find something that works a little better. I feel like I’ve been pretty fortunate so far, all things considered, and my side effects have been fairly mild. (Though I have suspicions it’s also thinning out my hair something fierce... probably time for supplements for that issue!)

Hopefully I’ll figure it out sooner rather than later? Either way, I’m learning to accept things as they are these days.

#April rambles #text post #mental health #medication #I know I'm one of the lucky ones but I'm still not discounting my aggravations #like yeah I'd like to think I should be capable of motivation #but at what cost?#and I never thought I'd care so much about hair loss but yikes I never had a lot of hair to begin with #wanting to cry anytime I see someone with a full head of thick hair #guess I'm kinda shallow after all lol #I have some beef regarding my other issues and suspicions but whatever #I can deal with them later #but I still find it hard to believe I've been assigned Just Anxiety instead of low grade well masked ADHD #Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh whatever #I'm a pleasant zombie for the most part are you happy?#I can't be arsed to do really anything are you sure that's just anxiety?#I'm literally masquerading as an apathetic potato most of the time now with meds so yeah ok sure?#we'll get there someday I hope #shit count my blessings it could be so much worse

103 notes · View notes

marshmallowgoop · 1 year

Text

There's a lot of talk about Heiji's tendency to drop everything and go to Tokyo to help—or even just to see!—Shinichi, and rightfully so. It's something Heiji unabashedly admits to (Episode 278, Magic File 5)...

Heiji: If any other suspicious persons show up, just call me! I'll run right over!

Ran: Hattori-kun saw that incident on the news and rushed over because he was worried about you, Conan-kun. Heiji: Grabbed the first bullet train in the mornin'!

And I still can hardly believe that Heiji's canon, actual, real-deal reaction to a request to put his life on the line and impersonate Shinichi... is an immediate "OK" composed out of heart emojis (Episode 345).

Seriously. That happened. Heiji couldn't not help.

Heiji (internally): I had no choice. After all, Kudo e-mailed me asking me to do this.

But in Shinichi's first appearance since being poisoned (Episode 49), after seemingly refusing to show his face to Ran or Inspector Megure or anyone else in town for who knows how long, he unabashedly claims that he dropped everything to meet Heiji. He smiles about it!

And of course it's a lie, but there's a smidgen of truth to it, too. Conan did accompany Heiji, despite feeling terribly sick and harboring zero interest in the (apparently) non-murderous case, because he was intrigued. Because he was impressed with what Heiji had uncovered about him already and was nervous about what else his so-called "rival" could reveal.

Conan (internally): I don't wanna go, but there's no telling what this guy might say!

But even without that context, Shinichi's easy, immediate cover story gets to me. He really, truly, unhesitatingly asserts that meeting Heiji was important enough to jump right on a train to get there.

It reminds me of Shinichi's excitement when he first learns of Heiji (File 520), and his grin when he thinks of meeting Heiji for real one day (File 522):

Shinichi: Really? Then he's just like me!

Shinichi (internally): We'll meet each other again... on that mysterious stage...

I think I could totally buy that Shinichi actually would have done exactly what he claims in the clip. He is interested in other detectives like himself, and with the pain of the antidote wearing off in Episode 49, that smile's gotta be genuine.

Finally, while it's Not That Deep, there's maybe something to be said about how Heiji is symbolically the key to Shinichi's true self, since it's Heiji's alcohol that transforms Conan back into Shinichi. With this clip, Shinichi underlines the same idea. It's Heiji who brought him back after so long. It's because of Heiji Hattori that Shinichi Kudo makes his first appearance after vanishing.

And I love how forthright Shinichi is about it.

#detective conan #case closed #shinichi kudo #heiji hattori #ramblings #long post #video #funimation english dub script #because i've devoted a lot of time and effort into mixing my german blu-ray footage with my funimation dvd english dub audio #and everyone needs to look at it lol #(really though it's a lot easier now that i know to change the 'fps' of the audio but it's still a lot of work...)#(i match up the japanese audio track from the blu-ray with the japanese audio track from the dvd and copy any cuts needed to the eng audio)#(not hard just tedious... i'm dying for an official hd english dub release so that i don't have to do this lol)#(but any official english video releases for this show at all would be great...)#(i don't want to use bilibili screencaps anymore because there's a big watermark now)#(so i spent a whole lot of time timing bilibili subs to my ep 345 blu-ray here for those caps 😩)#(more tedious than other eps because bilibili splits up multi-part specials so i had to string together four different .srts)#(gosh i do *the most* lol plz official releases i'm dying)#anyway just was thinking about this because of my hd english dub project! he really says this #wanted to post this before the end of the year for one more essay but alas... took way longer to write than i thought ^^;#as per usual amirite ^^; ^^;

166 notes · View notes

poppy-thatcher · 1 year

Text

Kintsugi (Bakugo Katsuki)

A/N: I don't even care if anyone reads or likes this one. It's 100% self-indulgent. Though, I guess they all are. But this one let me get stuff off my chest that I've been bottling up.

All this to say... I've recently broken up with my boyfriend of 6 years.

The argument at the beginning is, more or less, how our last conversation went. I held back on some of the more cruel things he said to me. And the part after... that's me mending my broken heart the only way I know how to. With protective, cocky, Pro-Hero Bakugo.

You thought he was your forever... but who knew forever had an expiration date. But no worries... your shattered heart won't stay broken for long. And him, he plans to mend your shattered pieces with gold.

Warnings: Cursing from you-know-who. Suggestive talk.

Everything with him tonight felt forced. His smile wasn’t as bright, his attention a little spacey. When I gingerly walked him to his car, clutching my hurt side tightly in my hand, he spun to face me. The sheen in his eyes glossed them more than normal. My heart hammered in my chest. This look was very familiar to me. One I didn’t want to see ever again, one I was promised I’d never bear witness to again. A look I witnessed when we took our 3-month break after 3 years of being together.

With a wavering semblance of braveness, I stepped in front of him, my eyes immediately catching his as I spoke words I didn’t want to.

“Just… just talk to me, please,” I muttered, trying to get him to open up to me, to relay an ounce of what he was feeling. “I can see the pain in your eyes when you look at me, please stop hiding whatever it is you’re afraid to tell me!”

“I’m… I’m moving back home in a few months!” He shouted, a single tear streaking down his handsome face.

He knew this new adventure was something I couldn’t follow him on. He knew I had things here that tied me down to my location, my home.

“I love you more than I’ve loved anyone or anything,” he gently smiled at me, “But I can’t stay here with you any longer. This place makes me feel like my life is stagnant, like I’m wasting my time. I need to get out of here.”

“Oh.” I quietly said.

“We don’t have to split up right away. I’ll be here a few more months before I head back. We can spend our last months together, making memories.”

I nodded, a hollow feeling in my chest, and stepped back. For the first time in our 6-year relationship, I didn’t feel like seeing him or being in close proximity to him.

“Are you okay?”

I didn’t know how to answer that loaded question. My recent surgery left me weak, mentally and physically. Then the person my life circled around, the person I sacrificed pieces of myself for to make sure stayed happy, felt as though his life was stagnant. I had felt like the world’s biggest failure. What good was I if I couldn’t even make my closest friend feel like life with me was something worth sticking around for? Adding an impending expiration date on what we shared didn’t seem like the healthy option but my nerves made me keep those thoughts to myself. Maybe, just maybe, the little time afforded was better than nothing.

Silent tears streaked down my face. I gently wiped them away and looked into his alluring eyes.

“I understand that you have to go. But remember that I’ll miss you more than you can imagine.”

And he tightly pulled me into his chest, holding me close.

I quietly whispered, “I wish you would stay with me, but I understand why you have to go.”

He scoffed and pushed away from me a bit, “That’s a really selfish thing to say!”

I blinked rapidly, my eyes making contact with his, trying to figure out if his loud tone was genuine or if he was joking.

“Sorry?” I said, or more like questioned, unsure how to handle the new situation. Apologies always fell so easily from my lips in an attempt to stop the ever-ticking time bomb from combusting.

“Are you really though?” He asked, his brows furrowing as he kept me at arm’s length.

“For telling you how I really feel? No. I guess I’m sorry that I shared my feelings with you though.” I snapped back.

He gently pushed me away from his hold, pushing himself a few steps away to create space between us again.

“My life is stagnant because you made it that way! You,” and he exhaled, running his hands through his shoulder-length hair, “you made my life stagnant. You’re this burden I didn’t ask for, this dead weight that I can’t bother to carry. I deserve to live my life without dealing with your problems. I have my own to take care of.”

I loudly swallowed, attempting to keep my tears at bay. I pushed as far away as I could, not wanting him to hear the moment my heart shattered beyond repair.

“I didn’t ask for your help…” and he quickly cut off my rant.

“You’ve done absolutely nothing with your life and I don’t want that to be me! If I stay with you, here, I’ll end up sad and pathetic like you. So I’m moving.”

I nodded, putting my head down to not display the silent tears streaking down my face.

He stepped close, heavily sighing, and raised my face to look into his stupid mesmerizing eyes.

“Making you cry was the last thing I wanted to do.”

I pulled my face out of his hands, keeping my eyes to the ground.

Knowing someone I cared deeply about felt this way about me broke me to my core. He knew I felt this way about myself. He knew hearing these things would undoubtedly hurt me beyond repair. He knew this was something I struggled with immensely. Feeling like I was a burden, like I wasn’t enough, like I was just wandering through life trying to find my purpose and coming up empty-handed every time.

“We can stay together until I move, if you want. I don’t want us to end this way, on this horrible note.”

I scoffed and rolled my eyes, wondering why he thought that was something I’d even want to do. No matter how much I stupidly still loved and cared for him, being with someone when there was an expiration date didn’t feel all that healthy. Even more so when I knew I was nothing but a burden to him.

“I’d really rather not. No sense in staying some place I'm not wanted.” I exhaled, trying to stay strong and stop the tears from flowing.

“I thought you loved me?” he snarled, scoffing back at me.

“Funny, I could say the same to you. But you don’t feel that way about someone you love. Someone you love is never a burden, never dead weight. They’re someone you encourage… not put down.”

“Oh, now you’re just being a selfish asshole about it!”

I scoffed again, realizing this idiot never loved me. Not in the way that I loved him. He couldn't possibly love me with the way he was dismissing my feelings so casually. The way he always did, now that I thought about it. It was clear that he only ever loved himself.

I spun to go back inside my apartment but was quickly turned to face my new ex.

“There’s no coming back from this. Walk away now and I’ll not look back, I’ll not love you ever again.”

I roughly yanked my arm from his grasp, “Like you ever did.”

And I slammed the door in his face.

I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going, mindlessly trying to juggle everything in my hands while I made my way through the people to get to the cash register that sat on the other side of the store.

I could see my destination in sight. But before I could even make it that far someone bumped into me, sending all my held items tumbling to the floor.

I pouted and kneeled, beginning to pick them up slowly, mentally trying to figure out how I would balance them again by myself.

His voice cut through the air as he called my name. My heart clenched and I quickly looked up into his familiar mesmerizing eyes.

“Wow, it’s good to see you! You look…. well... you look great!” he smiled down at me, not helping me pick my things off the ground, just watching as I struggled.

I smiled and quietly thanked him, not wanting to be rude and have him cause a scene. I went back to my task, paying him no mind. After a few struggles, I stood, hands full once again, and saw that he was still standing in front of me. He looked down to my full arms and gave me this smug look.

“Retail therapy? Still brokenhearted after all these months?” he smirked that deadly smirk that always made my heart race.

It did absolutely nothing to me this time.

I lightly laughed.

“You think I’m still hung up on you?”

And he leaned in close to me, making me try to take a step back, newly realizing I was already far too close to a clothing display to afford that luxury.

“You’re not?” And he brushed his fingers across my new bangs, carding his hand through my hair as I tried to find a way to make space between us.

“I’d sure as hell hope not. Not when she’s got someone like me to turn to!” I heard the gruff voice behind him.

I exhaled, finally feeling more at ease.

Katsuki pushed my ex out of my personal space and grabbed all the clothes I had in my hands, tsking and glaring at my ex for not even offering me any help. He winked my way and went to the cash register, everyone parting ways for the big Pro-Hero.

My ex opened his mouth like he was going to say something. But Katsuki’s booming voice cut him off.

“Oi, short shit… get that perfect ass over here!” he said, knowing his words made my face heat up and my cheeks and ears to tinge pink.

“Sorry,” I said to my ex, passing him.

Old habits die hard.

My ex, unknowingly to me, followed slowly behind. No doubt, to see what I was doing with a Pro-Hero.

“Do you have to be so loud?” I quietly murmured, blushing Katsuki’s way.

He smirked, making my face that much more red, and pulled me tightly into himself, coiling his hands around my waist and resting them at the apex of my butt.

“I don’t havta be, sweet cheeks,” he said, nudging my nose with his perfect one, “but I want that idiot of an ex to stay the fuck away from what’s mine.”

“Yours, huh?” I smirked back, biting my lower lip.

Katsuki’s eyes immediately drifted to my lips and then his vibrant vermilion eyes met mine quickly.

“Why did you have to get so much stuff?!?” he whined, turning to the cashier who was still ringing my items up, but not daring to remove his hands from my waist.

“You said go wild!” I laughed, “You could have gotten here sooner, ya know? So you could reign me in!”

“No, no. I wanted ya to get the things ya wanted. I just… I need ya like right fuckin’ now. And this is gonna take us all day!”

“It will not, you’re such a baby!” I laughed as he grabbed me tightly in his arms, nuzzling his head into my chest as I ran my fingers through his soft hair, making him purr.

“So… you using the hero for his money?” my ex said, finally making himself known.

Katsuki didn’t move from his position, just turned his head to make eye contact with my ex. He didn’t say anything but the glare he gave him made my ex take a step back.

“It’s just… she wasn’t particularly well off when we split. And it’s only been a handful of months since then. I didn’t think she’d replace me that quickly. Not to mention, she’s probably not found anything she’s particularly good at, right? She still kinda stagnant in life?”

I loudly swallowed, trying to not let my ex’s words get to me. Before I could say anything Katsuki stood straight up but kept me tightly in his arms.

“I’m gonna explain shit to you so your dumbass might learn somethin'. One, she’s not using me for my money. I care for her deeply and takin’ care of all her needs, gettin’ to see that beautiful fuckin’ smile is worth more than money can ever buy. Two, she’s not required to figure herself out in a set timeframe. Some of us take time to grow and learn what we want outta life. What she needed was someone to challenge her, inspire her, and encourage her to do and be whatever the fuck she wants to be. Whenever the hell she wants to be it. I got nothin’ but time when it comes to her.” And he pushed my bangs back, kissing my forehead, as I blushed again.

My ex stood there, brows pulled together, mouth agape. Katsuki turned back his way, keeping me tightly to his side as his hand rubbed methodically on my bare arm.

“By the way. She’s not stagnant. I’ve had her for 4 months and she’s blossomed into everything I could have needed her to be. She’s attentive and a people pleaser. I might have taken advantage of that fact a few times. She’s understanding of me and my hero work. And she’s just genuinely great at everything she does. I wouldn’t change a fuckin’ thing about her beautiful ass. How’s your life goin’ though, pal? Weren’t you supposed to move back to your hometown or some shit like that?” Katsuki laughed, handing the cashier his card, “hey, your loss is my gain. And I ain’t letting her go as easily as you did. I’m gonna marry her and make her have all my fuckin’ kids.”

“Jokes on you, she didn’t want kids!” my ex laughed.

Katsuki smirked at him, then looked at me, “She probably didn't wanna have them with a man-child like you. But she’ll have my kids. Won’t ya, kitten?”

I nodded, blushing, thinking about all the things Katsuki was promising me. I had never met a man who knew what he wanted before. It was shocking and very refreshing.

“Also, it’s her birthday, fuck face. I’d spend my whole paycheck on her if she’d only let me.”

The cashier handed me my bags and Katsuki quickly took them from me, tucking me into his side and kissing my forehead.

“I’m not sure why you’re still hangin’ around. But we’re headin' to my place so I can give her another, bigger, better birthday gift. You’re not invited. I don't share. Later, idiot.” And he pulled us past my ex, making me smile from ear to ear.

When we stepped outside I pulled myself from Katsuki’s side, bending over, hands on my knees, to catch my breath.

“Damn, babe. Are you okay?” Katsuki asked, gently trying to move my curtained hair from my face so he could assess me.

I took a huge gasp in, throwing my head back, finally releasing my loud laugh.

He rolled his eyes lightly chuckling to himself.

“You scared the shit out of me, asshole! Jeez!” he said, grabbing my hand and pulling me to his fancy car that Valet had brought around.

“Sorry, but goodness. I couldn’t have asked for a better chance encounter with that jerk. You have just given me the most incredible birthday gift ever!” I said, finally standing in front of him, wrapping my arms around his neck, and playing with his hair that loosely hung at his nape.

“Nah, don’t think I’m done now beautiful. I got ya a lot more things waitin' up at my place.” He smirked.

“If it isn’t a puppy, I don’t want it.” I laughed, joking with him.

“What if I beg instead?” he smiled nice and big. A sight I didn’t see too often.

“I guess that works,” I said, laughing at him while he ushered me to the opened passenger door, waiting for me to get inside.

Unnecessary Extra A/N: If you did, thanks for making it this far in my ridiculous little self-indulgent story. That first bit hurt to re-read. I haven't cried much over the split. Like yeah, the first day absolutely killed me. My eyes were pretty much glued shut. I wasted 6 of my years with someone I thought was my forever. Not only that, but I was still recovering from emergency surgery and on strong pain meds. It all felt like such a horrid nightmare. But yeah... I cried reading that scene this time. Part of me sometimes thinks I overreacted to the situation. But the rational/logical part of myself felt like the split was a long time coming. Looking back at it now, the relationship was incredibly toxic. He suffered from really bad depression (way worse than my own) and I feel like I sacrificed a lot of myself to try and make sure he was happy. In doing so, I lost myself. I lost that person who loved to be artistic, crafty, and loved to write. I spent so much of my time with him, worrying over so much, that I now have the most horrid anxiety. Some days I feel I'm beyond repair. But the episodes are getting further from each other. I have felt more my original self in our time apart than I have in quite a long while. And I'm incredibly thankful for that semblance of peace I've managed to regain. Sadly, we run in the same circles, so seeing him will always be a possibility. Hopefully, I get the same kind of relief my written self got here. Someone who can appreciate me for who I am and encourage me to be an even better version of myself. I'm definitely not in a rush, since I want to get my old self back and do things that make me happy again, but patiently waiting for my Bakugo! 😆

#bakugo x reader #mha x reader #bakugo katsuki #bnha x reader #heartbreak #hopefully I stick with posting #I've written quite a lot of things in my solitude #a lot of Haikyuu pieces #a smut piece I'm especially nervous to post because I still don't know that I'm THERE yet #see... part of me thinks I knew this was coming #i was just waiting for the other shoe to drop #a Yuta piece I wrote when I was still with my ex... it's about cheating on him with Yuta and throwing away a 6-year relationship #it came from a dream I had #I've never even thought about cheating because I'm loyal to a fault... clearly #But if Yuta was real 🤔#my ex was my first EVERYTHING so I think I held on for dear life just hoping that my love would be enough #it wasn't enough for him #but i suppose one day it'll be enough for someone #sorry... I ramble

102 notes · View notes

sskk-manifesto · 23 days

Text

(*・ω・*)b♪

#I'm a bit late but :)#Mmmhh lots of thoughts about this episode. Nothing really relevant though lol #I like it... Mostly. Well‚ I like Atsushi‚ and I like Atsushi screentime.#I always forget that there's actually a one week timeskip within the Guild arc #I think these chapters were generally better executed in the manga.#But even then it's just...#Why do the make the Guild / Fitzgerald so. dumb. Why do they make them act so wildly irrationally and at the protagonists' advantage #It really gives villain acting entirely mindlessly to make the plot advance and the heroes win. It's really sensless.#I mean especially when Atsushi yielded. Why didn't Fitzgerald take his offer. For real!!#For real. He had NOTHING to gain from proceeding with his plan. He already obtained for Atsushi and the ada to collaborate.#Now they are NEVER going to help him‚ and that's agreat loss for him.#And idk. i hear that little Tumblr post in my voice saying “why would you complain about characters acting irrationally!#Do people irl never act irrationally?”#And yeah I get Fitzgerald was frustrated for losing Mitchell and his fight with Hawthorne. Okay I understand.#But that's definitely too much. That's him acting downright stupid at the heroes' advantage and it's just pretty underwhelming to read?#That said. It's just general notes I'm not particularly annoyed because like. That's just b/s/d to you. Dumbing down the villains a second–#so the author can escape the trap they put themselves into. Very Marvel-esque move lol.#On that exact same note WHY WOULD LUCY HAVE THE DOLL.#The doll is the whole premise for your plan working why would you not protect it with everything 😭😭😭#I'm not getting in the Lucy / Atsushi scene itself. I love Lucy but I swear every time that scene gets played a femminist dies #(it's me. I'm the femminist dying every time.)#Mmmhh a couple more things. I dislike the ost choice in the scene where Steinbeck is torturing Q it feels so out of place #And I really don't get what's the deal with the Hawthorne / Fitzgerald convo it's so confusing to me. Like it It looks like Hawtorne is–#blaming Fitzgerald for Mitchell's condition (both in health and for her family status) but...#Objectively neither of those things are Fitzgerald's fault? Idk maybe I just have very little media comprehension for this arc because–#a lot of things just seem to happen with no sense. But it's okay #Im complaining a lot lol but its mostly irrelevant things (or like with the dumbification of villains things I've learnt to live with lmao)#But the episode was generally nice. The animation this season is consistently very pretty.#random rambles

7 notes · View notes

loppiopio · 7 months

Text

the chances of the people seeing this aren't super likely so this is highly inefficient but i'm too afraid to approach people personally…. yet i've been burning with the need to express my gratitude for the tags i've received individually somehow and figured, i could do it the way i do best. in the tags 😅

(sorted by most recent) (i capped the limit hard here) (some ✂️✂️ had to be done 😔) (i still like this format a lot though) (might do this again in the future idk would people like that??) (i hope it's not mortifying for anyone……..)

it's sorta the way i like it, indirect and unimposing, even if it's kinda. wieldy. but it's just on my blog so anything goes right? although in saying that, i am open to being imposed on. like if someone wants to talk about aci or something, like other fic?? i'm a big fic fiend. or anything else lol not sure what else you'd wanna chat about since so much of the stuff i've put out is just. about fic. but hey, if you're a person i don't mind being approached :>

(lol the way i've made this like a *throws out a bunch of paper slips* find your's 🎉) (might be obnoxious hm) (sorry...) (find your's if you want though 🫡)

#i said a thing #@glaciesdraco i'm so glad someone is appreciating the brilliance of my shitpost yes i went so hard on that and it's you too??#i enjoy your ramblings and hcs a lot (if that one gift art based on your hcs wasn't telling) i hope my indirect appreciation can reach you #two years ago for a gift exchange i had [get them drunk] as one of the things on my wishlist and linked your post with it because they're <#@miyukiwynter your tag was fun and cute it made me smile :) oh no the boy!#@spooky-sordid your enthusiasm for the 🥥 post despite zero context is so fun to me i'm happy my niche things connect with you like that :]#@scrambledshizaya oops! all aci posts with even more on the way sorry it's all i got #the energy of your tags is very fun though i hope to bring a little pain with the 📸⚠️ comp and loverboy cringe is so izaya indeed #@gay-deer your all caps enthusiasm is so so sweet to me thank you for loving them!! also you bring fun things to my dash so thanks for that #@vi-138 you haven't said anything so i hope you don't mind.... i've seen you in my notifs a few times and i'm appreciating it very much :>#@fweamy i like your energy and omg you like the way i draw them?? no wayyy i'm so flattered you like my portrayal of them? that's such high #this makes me feel better about my style like actually since i spend a looooot a lotta time on every little thing so it can appeal to me #and i'm not confident at all but i do try very hard to achieve aspects of how i like to see them so i'm glad it seems to resonate with you #i draw all too slowly but you shall be in my thoughts as i fight to deliver more of these scrunkly scrimbos 🫡#@zamtik you think it's awesome? :0 wow thanks! also thanks for appreciating the 🎀🔪 i made that not a lot of people acknowledge heh #@gay4and2high i like that you acknowledged the content of the fic i love the content of this fic i need to acknowledge it so bad 🗣️#@stupidusernamepolicy idk if you meant for your words to read like this but i'm still so so flattered by the tags you left on that post 🥺🥺#idk what you actually think of the fic so i can literally only imagine your enthusiasm for it but i think i feel some of it in those tags 🧠#and you seem to really like the post in particular so?? thank you c:#@whamss no way are you sure you love my art?? thank you i'm glad you find them cute and see so much personality in them too??#you pointed out shizuo in particular !! yesss i slaved away soooo tirelessly on him (except i was very tired) i'm glad he is appreciated #his face... it needed to convey so much...... sad puppy dog look #the humouring of izaya's antics that soften him in light bemusement “mouth slightly open probably as close to a smile as it would ever get”#and thank you for enjoying loverboy cringe with me he is exactly that #@soultiio thank youuu i appreciate this sorta connection we have going on where we communicate through tags a little <3 #i like the comments your affection for the boys is very sweet thank you #@pennyloni thanks for the obligatory shizaya reblog #@pineapplething hihi!!!#@demon-of-ikebukuro i take joy in all the appreciation for the comm :> also you have a fic i'd like to try someday bc it looks interesting!#@churroful you haven't said much since but thanks for finding the 🎀🔪 sexy >:D i appreciate you in my notifs and i hope you enjoyed aci!!

15 notes · View notes

blizzardfluffykpop · 17 days

Note

You sent me an ask so I shall return the favor! What is the most recent Kpop group you’ve gotten into and how did you find out about them? I always love hearing fan “origin stories” lol

Thank you for returning the favor~ That would be The Boyz 🥰💖 I love hearing fan "origin stories" too hehe (This is gonna get long I love them sm)

Anyways I've known about them since debut? I loved Bloom Bloom Pow with my whole heart when it came out and tried to fall for them then- It didn't work. The next time was when The Stealer (TS) came out~ I had watched them perform for Road to Kingdom- because ptg was on the show too- But I really loved TS cb- sm so that I bought the album about 6 mos later with my favorite members as inclusions at the time (Eric, Kevin and Hyunjae). But nothing came about of it even after watching the weekly idol episodes... Then came Whisper era and I ended up biasing Changmin (Q) and loving that song but again nothing came out of it.

(A little backstory is that Changkyun (I.M) got me into Dominic Fike's music-) Thus, when tiktok showed me Juyeon, Changmin, and Sunwoo dancing to Babydoll earlier this year as a dance cover: I fell. And then I finally checked out Watch It~ But Hui had his solo and it distracted me completely from falling further. Then I had gotten sick and decided 'well, what if I watch their content?' And I did... I watched their hello82 interview and their reaction to fanart of them, and lastly their mafia dance. And I loved each sm that I decided to check out more.

It was the first time I had watched their content and wanted to see more. And now, I watch their content almost daily. It's kind of like they revived the joy of kpop for me? My (old) ult of ults has been on hiatus due to the military so it's been stagnant content lately for me. But then they came in like a breath of fresh air- and I simply can't get enough. This month will be 3 mos and I honestly hope I'll follow them for a long time. (I think they're my new ult of ults tbh)

And lastly now here I am as a Younghoon and Juyeon bias (with bias wrecker: Changmin... he's doing everything to be bias again). And with them having a comeback I loved with my whole heart this past month, I think it really solidified them with me. Honestly, I'm so happy with them.

#my 'fan origin story' hehe #lovely mutuals #asks #kate rambles from here #i even started a new kpop journal just dedicated to them and my thoughts- it's a 200 page journal and i have nearly 50 pages about them #and i started it in february ebhbha-#it's so funny because i saw one of my ults' concerts in theater the month before they should have became the ult of ults and here tbz comes #if the theory is true that you fall in love with certain people/groups/things at certain time then that means even when #i wanted to fall in love with them- that i had to wait until now to fall for them even if i wanted to fast forward it- i think now is a #perfect time- it's when i need them most i think- and fuck i could go on about them forever and why they mean sm to me in such little #time but oh how i love these guys-#no seriously everything i wish they could do- i find out they've done or will do- or for like pcs i like them a certain way and by golly #does yh do my favorite poses- and their music is just ?!?! i love it sm- ofc i've listened to them before a lot but ?? it's my speed rn #kate rambles #did i drag my close friend into them too? yes- yes I did- but she had full free will- she could have stayed on the happy mbb boat instead #of jumping into the water and swimming to lip gloss island with me- but alas she didn't so it's even more fun cause i get to be a new #deobi with her- and it's literally the best experiance i could have ever asked for- she prolly won't see these (i'm banking on it) and #honestly i'm so thankful for her- for joining me in this 'insanity' we've gotten ourselves into- i'm glad we were both stolen from our mbb #home together- it's sm fun to talk about tbz with her- because she's experiencing them new just like i am- i could go on here too #but i won't- so i'll stop here- i love these boyz sm tbh (every time i say it even if it's a lot- it doesn't feel enough)

4 notes · View notes