#Maybe this feeling is because of that

[dracothedeatheatingcupcake-ao3]

(This is personal post that is mostly talking about my frustration with my writing. Feel free to skip if you want.)

Ugh. I hate when I’m writing something and I can’t seem to find the words I need to make it sound natural and just… human. I have a bizarre way of speaking sometimes and when it makes its way into my writing it gets super frustrating to figure out how to fix it. Because how can I completely change the way I think and write??

And then there’s the thought that maybe my writing is actually just fine, it’s just my state of mind that’s the problem, making me see everything I do as terrible, since that happens sometimes. Where I will go through days of hating everything I’m doing, and I can’t tell if I feel that way because of something unrelated, or if it’s related to how godawful my writing is. I try my hardest not to feel like that, to tell myself that it’s fine, but when I get in one of these moods it’s so, so hard to make myself see it.

It’s even worse when the story I was writing was one that I was actually really excited about, the idea something that could have been really good if it was written by someone competent. But because of either my lack of skill in writing, or because of the weirdness in my head, it’s getting ruined and I don’t know how to make it better. And I just keep spiraling more and more, my inability to write properly affecting my mood, which then affects my writing more, in an endless downward spiral. But I still want to write, I still want to be working, but forcing it is making everything worse, and it’s all just…

Bad. Very bad.

.-.

#Sorry for this nonsense #This isn’t about anything that deals with IshiMondo by the way #I was trying to write something for another fandom and it all just… ugh #Went sideways #I think it’s my mood affecting me… I would have this happen with TPWP a few times #Hating the work and thinking it was terrible #But after a few days I’d look at it and be all… oh. That’s good actually. #But then! Sometimes I get this feeling but when I look back a few days later I still don’t like it!!! #It’s so frustrating #I want to write but I feel so jumbled so everything I write just seems bad #Even this little rant is making me anxious #The way it’s written awkward sounding #Ugh. I don’t know what to do #I don’t have anyone I’d be willing to share my work with to see what they think #And I know that I wouldn’t believe anyone if they said it’s good anyway #And if they hate it… well. I can just say that it would not be good for my state of min #mind #Though… I just realized that I didn’t take my medication this morning and that I didn’t take it yesterday morning either. #Maybe this feeling is because of that #It is a hormonal regulation medication after all #Ugh. So many possibilities #I’ll wait a day or so before working on this fic anymore to see if it is just my brain being weird #I just hope that my enthusiasm for the idea doesn’t fade by then

[roninkairi]

You can only reblog this today.*

*PLEASE READ THE TAGS

#adventure time #finn the human #if you are reading this #please be aware this is a joke #this was a random thing tound on Facebook #and no finn really didn't say that #so go ahead and reblog it #just don't take it seriously #some of the people who reblogged this overreacted #so I feel compelled to add these tags to call them out on it #like seriously #chill out dudes #maybe eat a taco or two #tacos are life #so are burritos #ok this is running its course #david zaslav can suck it #i just felt like adding that because he is a douche

[redysetdare]

Sometimes...characters being in a romantic relationship is worse.

#text #sometimes it's the most boring way to have characters interact #sometimes it's worse than the chemistry they have as literally any other kind of relationship #sometimes their platonic dynamic is better #sometimes their hostile dynamic is better #sometimes their dynamic is better if it's anything other than romance #because maybe them falling into generic romance is how you ruin their characters. #aro #aromantic #aroace #i only tag these because it feels relevant to why i feel this way

[buggachat]

something so fucked up about Chat Noir’s whole deal is that he is in a lot of ways Adrien playing a character. Like Adrien picked up his miraculous and was told he’d be a superhero so he was like “ok, time to act like a superhero!” and he lets himself have fun w it and play up the role and let loose and kind of just allow himself to be silly and goofy and have fun and for once in his life not care about performing Perfection™.

But. But none of the other characters KNOW THAT. So everyone just sees Chat Noir and is like “look at this guy’s ego. He’s so full of himself. Surely it’d be fair to knock him down a few pegs” without being aware of how few pegs he actually HAS. He’s like the “insecure character who overcompensates in ego” trope except he’s really not doing it unironically, he’s just having a fun LARP pretending to have self worth in his off-hours but nobody else is on the same page about it being a game and he refuses to tell them. He just dramatically pouts about it and lets them laugh and pretends like he’s not internalizing it and it is almost 3 am and my brain forced me to write this instead of sleeping I’m gonna take a melatonin

#writing this my brain was like: what if he actually likes it? #what if he likes people openly criticizing him in ways nobody actually does to Adrien agreste? #because Adrien Agreste is perfect and can do no wrong. maybe he enjoys being insulted or something #and then I remembered chat noirs multiple breakdowns about feeling unworthy and yknow what yeah I don’t think he likes it LOL #do normal people actually fall asleep when they lie down #if you can’t tell I recently decided to make my random ml musings your guys’ business instead of keeping it to myself #hope you enjoy

[blueboyluca]

“When I first heard it, from a dog trainer who knew her behavioral science, it was a stunning moment. I remember where I was standing, what block of Brooklyn’s streets. It was like holding a piece of polished obsidian in the hand, feeling its weight and irreducibility. And its fathomless blackness. Punishment is reinforcing to the punisher. Of course. It fit the science, and it also fit the hidden memories stored in a deeply buried, rusty lockbox inside me. The people who walked down the street arbitrarily compressing their dogs’ tracheas, to which the poor beasts could only submit in uncomprehending misery; the parents who slapped their crying toddlers for the crime of being tired or hungry: These were not aberrantly malevolent villains. They were not doing what they did because they thought it was right, or even because it worked very well. They were simply caught in the same feedback loop in which all behavior is made. Their spasms of delivering small torments relieved their frustration and gave the impression of momentum toward a solution. Most potently, it immediately stopped the behavior. No matter that the effect probably won’t last: the reinforcer—the silence or the cessation of the annoyance—was exquisitely timed. Now. Boy does that feel good.”

— Melissa Holbrook Pierson, The Secret History of Kindness (2015)

#dog books #this chapter was very sad reading #when you become aware of punishment #and its use and its prevalence #it's hard not to despair #again this is why positive reinforcement feels like absolution #maybe now my eyes are open I can make up for what I did #what I did because it's what everyone does #because it's more acceptable to punish than to do anything else #I've been having so many thoughts about punishment and society and justice #this book was very validating #another great validating moment in my jumbled thoughts #was listening to the You're Wrong About episode on justice #with Amanda Knox #it helped to ease the despair a little

[mrmrsman]

I'd love to see a dpxdc story where the Justice League knows about Amity Park and the Ghosts the whole time, and does think the ghosts are rogues to be addressed. Doesn't agree with the GIW, maybe doesn't even know about them? THE IMPORTANT PART.

The Red Huntress is the only active vigilante in Amity Park, according to the JL. Phantom is marked as one of her rogues. Maybe the Fentons even are marked as rogues from all the property damages and random shooting/sliming of citizens. Valarie is the only person successfully taking care of the ghosts, masking and suiting up in the classic vigilante way the whole time.

#dpxdc #dc x dp #dc x dp crossover #dp x dc #dp x dc crossover #honestly i feel like the opinion im imagining the jl having towards the giw is #on our side technically but wholey incompetent as an organization #anyway i wanna see Valerie get recruited for yj type stuff #because she is in world so much more obvious as a vig working in amity #and Danny maybe a bit jealously sneaking along with her on her missions #and ending up working with her kinda like in life lessons

[uncanny-tranny]

Amatonormativity has destroyed so many people's understanding and acceptance of themselves, and it's heartbreaking.

Yes, it is normal to be in your 20s, 30s, or older and not have lost your virginity, had a first kiss, or a partner. It is normal to say that you aren't ready for those things, too! It is normal if your life doesn't follow the "college graduate -> engagement -> buying a home -> 2.5 kids and a dog" trajectory that so many people have idealized.

So many people associate maturity with losing your virginity, or having a first kiss, or a serious relationship, and I think that's a dangerous association. Maturity isn't gained through those things, and you don't have to have those experiences to be considered "mature" or "grown." It is not a bad thing to go at your pace. Nobody else can live your life but you. If you end up having those experiences, that's great! But it should be done because you want to experience them, not because you feel "broken" and "immature" without them.

#amatonormativity #ask to tag (genuine) #i honestly *wish* conversations like this were things i was exposed to when i was younger... #...maybe then i'd've felt less of a need to surpress my aromanticism and asexuality... #...the feeling of brokenness still trails behind me sometimes because so many of us are taught that this all WILL happen... #...we WILL fall in love. we WILL have a nuclear family. we WILL be satisfied with this... #...and that this is the IDEAL for cishet patriarchal structures... #...and that /any/ deviation to the SLIGHTEST degree is that fault of the *individual*. who WOULDN'T want this life? #there's this idea like i said that maturity is gained as you almost... adhere to expectations... #...and that's genuinely dangerous to associate maturity with that and i hope you can fill in those gaps because it can get dark fast

[forgettable-au]

Sans do you ever feel that something might be missing?

Maybe he felt like that at some point, maybe for a long time. In the present, I think he's made some kind of peace with it.

Also, I really like the ask blog format, but I don't really mean this to be an ask blog.

So when writing questions, try to refer them to me instead of the characters. That way, they don't have to break the fourth wall lmao. I really wanted to answer this one tho

-

#forgettable-au #YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT TAKES ME THE MOST WHEN MAKING THSES THING #I CANNOT WRITE #Everythings so clear to me and then I have to write it and I get stuck #illustrating it all feels so much easier even when it takes more time #maybe it's just because english isn't my first lenguage #but I'm always checking my orthography and punctuations are correct alsjsdk #papyrus!gaster #papyrus #undertale au #sans #papyrus is gaster #alphys #undyne #toriel #undertale comic #undertale #I JUST REALIZED I FORGOT TO DRAW FLOWEY NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO #my boy... #answered ask

[zosanbrainrot]

part 2 of Zoro in WCI

01 02

I tried to write something to sum up my thoughts on this, but then it got longer and longer and tbh I'm itching to write a fic set in this AU djjdkf I think I could develop on their inner feelings more than in the comic form

Before posting the first part I didn't realize people had such strong opinions on how this would play out lmaooo

imo, of course Zoro wants to fight Sanji, not with actual intent to harm (they threaten each other on the daily, come on), but because that's how they are together, how they communicate. He respects Luffy's decisions and their goal here, which is to learn what's really going on with Sanji, but he's gonna be pissy about it all he wants. They both have so many intense and conflicted feelings about this and neither has any idea how to resolve them. So they fight.

ofc yall are free to headcanon this interaction any other way you want <333

#hope you can hear the moment Sanji's heart shatters #you're walking the painful path you chose and then even this stupid marimo instead of playing your usual game of threats and violence #instead of making this easier for you he pierces right through your heart with the tiniest confession #I never hated you #but even if he didn't use to #he sure as hell despises every inch of you now #he must he has to #but this is what you chose #it is what you deserve #ANGST #PAIN #wci zoro au #obvi if I were to write it wouldnt write first person this just got out of hand #i love angst can you tell #zosan #i love keeping them in the 'what if maybe no he would never' hell #roronoa “i love you but I will take these feelings with me to the grave” zoro #blackleg “I need you to hate me because I simply don't deserve to be loved” sanji #rorona zoro #black leg sanji #sanji #zoro #my art #whole cake arc #whole cake island #one piece #one piece fanart

[kingofmyborrowedheart]

Begging swifties to understand that Taylor didn’t write reputation and Lover with the knowledge of how the relationship was going to end and that trying to “excavate” those albums for evidence to prove a specific theory as to why it ended is not how they should be viewed. Taylor wrote those songs feeling a very specific way because that’s what she was experiencing and she is now reflecting on them with hindsight and relates to them differently than when she first created them. These conflicting emotions can exist; how she views it now doesn’t diminish how she felt about it when she first released it.

#taylor swift #don’t know if I’m expressing myself as properly and as articulate as I’d like #but both of the emotions she’s feeling about the songs can coexist #like little lover can still be a love song that’s what it was for her for a while #but she can also look back and say ‘oh maybe this wasn’t the best’ but it doesn’t void what it was originally #like I keep seeing things like oh she wrote this lyric in lover about him not showing up and it’s like no that’s not right #like yes you can see her underlying anxieties and fears in those songs because she was open about them #it doesn’t mean she predicted how it would end #there was a point in time where she thought this man was the one and would write about feeling that way

[mavigator]

i talked about it a little bit already but i have things to say about it. for context, i was born with amniotic band syndrome. the amniotic band wrapped around my left wrist in utero and stunted the growth of my hand. i was born with about half a palm, four nubs for fingers, and a twisted half of a thumb. i can open and close my thumb and pinkie joint like a claw.

yesterday at work i had a shift in the room with 5-10 year old kids. i had my left hand hidden in my sleeve (a bad habit of mine). a kid asked if he could see my hand, and even though internally i was debating running into traffic, i said “sure you can” and showed him my hands. he stared for a moment, looking disturbed, and then said “i don’t want to look at that anymore”. that hurt to hear, but i understand that kids are new to the world and he probably didn’t mean it out of malice. i put my hand away again, told him that it was okay, and that i was just born that way.

he then went on to talk about how he knows a kid with a similar hand to mine and called it “ugly”. i told him that wasn’t a very kind thing to say and that he wouldn’t feel good if someone said that to him, and he replied that no one would say that to him—because he has “normal hands”, and he’s glad he does because otherwise he’d be “ugly”. i tried to talk with him for a bit about how everybody is born differently, but he just started talking about a girl he knows with a “messed up face” and pulled on his face to make it look droopy. i went on some more about how it wasn’t very kind to talk about people that way, but the conversation moved on to something else.

i’ve told my supervisors about it and they’re going to have a talk with his mom. what i wanted to say is this: i’m genuinely not upset with the kid. kids are young and naturally curious, and he clearly simply hasn’t been taught about disabled people and kind ways to speak to/about others. which is why i am upset with his parent(s). i know he’s encountered visibly deformed/disabled people before (he said so himself!), yet his parent(s) clearly haven’t had any kind of discussion with him about proper language and behavior. i knew from birth that some people were just different than others, but my parents still made a point to assert to be kind to and accepting of others. i wonder if adults in his life are the type of people to hush him and usher him away when he points out someone in a wheelchair. that kind of thing doesn’t teach politeness. it tells children that disabled people are an Other than can’t be acknowledged or spoken about; which, to a child, means disability must be something bad.

i’m lucky enough that this was a relatively mild incident, and that i’m a grownup with thicker skin. i’m worried about the other kids he mentioned to me. has he been talking to them this way? when i was a kid, i had other kids scream, cry, and run away at the sight of my hand. or follow me around pointing at me and laughing at me. or tell me i couldn’t do something because i was ugly or incapable or whatever. one time a girl at an arcade climbed to the top of the skeeball machine, pointed at me, and screamed at me to put my hand away and wouldn’t stop crying until she couldn’t see me anymore. another time, a kid saw my hand, screamed at the top of her lungs, and ran into my friend’s arms, crying hysterically about how i was scaring her. that second incident made me cry so hard i threw up when i got home. i can kind of laugh it off now, but having people react to me that way as a child is something i’m still getting over. why do you think i have a habit of keeping my hand in my sleeve? it just irritates me to see children that have clearly not been taught basic manners and kindness—their parents Clearly missed something pretty important .

#and for the record i consider my deformity pretty mild. maybe i’m just used to it but things like amniotic band syndrome can turn out a lot #more severe. i rarely even call myself disabled because i don’t feel like the term is applicable to me. i’m more hindered by like #my adhd anxiety depression etc than i am my hand. so for those kids to react that way to what i THINK #is a pretty small thing. makes me worry about people that are more visibly disabled #Kids.That are more visibly disabled

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

christ sometimes I just wanna. steal a time machine & go back & sit down next to my 9-year-old self and just like. let them pull out their pokemon card binder & gush about their holographic gyarados or whatever. I'd just smile & ask questions about motherfukcing bulbasaur & tell my kid self that I thought they were a neat person, & someday they'd find other people who thought so too.

like i'm a grown adult who honestly finds most kids stuff boring, but. damn if i could go back & hang out with my baby self & listen to them ramble...just so they knew someone was listening. i would in a heartbeat. thinking about u kid

#wouldn't roll my eyes or check my phone or get bored or nothing #I'd just listen to that little dork & smile & encourage them & let them explain how their favorite gameboy games worked #i was the kind of kid my adult self would find annoying & uninteresting but like #most of the actual adults in my childhood felt that way too. including my dang parents. #and ya know sometimes they showed it. a lot of times without realizing it. and that messes a kid up #if you don't make an effort kids WILL recognize your disinterest and lack of attention. #kids deserve to have caregivers who show interest and engagement #even when it's over stuff that adults find boring. especially then maybe #your kid doesn't have to be fun or interesting or easy or well behaved to deserve positive attention #they deserve positive attention because they are YOUR KID #if love is unconditional then DISPLAYS of LOVE and AFFECTION must also be unconditional #not something that must be earned #telling your kid that you love them is not enough. that is step one out of like a thousand #if you just tell your kid you love them but you don't demonstrate affection and interest and patience and warmth and etcetera #your kid isn't gonna feel loved! I Love You will just become a trite phrase that they regard with mistrust! #bitch you gotta FOLLOW THROUGH

[ruporas]

being a little petty (ID in alt)

#vashwood #vash the stampede #nicholas d wolfwood #trigun #trigun maximum #petty vash moment - i think he deserves the chance to be petty... and he's kind of a petty person to me in some circumstances mfgksmgk #DEFINITELY to wolfwood i'd imagine... because they're petty to each other in exchange for not speaking about their Feelings or sorting #things out verbally. it's just how they communicate. not outlandish fights - or ignoring each other completely - but just little petty ways #that ends up getting solved anyway. i imagine it always tends to be wolfwood who “solves” it while vash doesn't necessarily “solve” it #he just ignores it? or accepts it as is? like broods for a day maybe in unnoticeable to anyone but ww kind of way but #returns to a normal attitude the next day while ww is like ??? fuck this guy - before ultimately just accepting it as is because he doesn't #/want/ to be mad at vash. i also dont think ww is someone who can be mad for super long... unlike vash who's had anger for like 150 years #ruporas art

[xx0yeet-everything0xx]

percy: i don't think nico's ever gone to sleep before 5am, and its really just concerning at this point

percy: let's not even talk about jason. he wakes up at 4:45am on the dot, every morning, without an alarm clock. that's terrifying.

#the golden 15 mins during which jason & nico interact #jason grace #percy jackson #nico di angelo #and if waking up at 4.45am seems unrealistic to u #i know SEVERAL people who wake up from times between 4.00—5.15 in the morning #pjo #hoo #toa #pjo incorrect quotes #jercy #jasico #? maybe. js because it feels right #edit: this is killing my notifs PLEASE STOP GIVING THIS NOTES

[a-heist-of-words]

In the most 'Greek theatre' of ways, this is a tragedy. Tragedies are meant to teach onlookers: "See how these rich idiots, despite their riches, cannot escape the consequences of their actions, their hubris, and their defiance of the laws of common sense and decency? See their awful demise? Don't be like them."

#oceangate #titanic #I feel some pity for the 19-year-old because gods know that your sense of self preservation doesn't quite work yet #and maybe for the Titanic expert but honestly dude you should've known better #rest of them though? you fucked around and found out #like one of them went to space with the musk-rat #he clearly wanted his epitaph to be as wild as possible

[pocchi-poket]

You know, I feel like we're not talking enough about the fact that Alastor has in his room a full reproduction (?) of a swamp-forest that's highly likely very similar to the one where he was killed. Talk about being morbid.

Edit: someone pointed out in the comments that the swamp-forest is called bayou. It's a kind of ecosystem in Louisiana.

#And he was eating a deer in it #And we know he kind of embraced his deer identity #Idk I feel like there is some symbolic meaning related to his feelings about his death that I'm not fully grasping #Maybe something connected to his obsession with power because by doing this he's stating he isn't affected even by his own death? #Which is an act as shown first of all by the panic attack he had when he did almost die against Adam #And second (if it's still canon) by his fear of dogs #Still I find this interesting #hazbin hotel #alastor hazbin hotel #alastor #alastor the radio demon #the radio demon #alastor hazbin #hazbin hotel alastor