#Wish I could just pick one and finish it :')

[orcelito]

I think I cried harder today over my dad's jackets than I did at his deathbed. That was a miserable time of course, a memory that will likely be seared into my brain until I die, but I cried... I think a normal amount, all things considered. More than I ever usually do of course, but I typically don't cry At All. All this free crying is certainly surreal.

The jackets, though. I was put in charge of doing his laundry, because we don't want to pack up dirty clothes. I was expecting it to be unpleasant bc my dad's dirty clothes - gross. But really, it was much more unpleasant in that... those were his. It felt wrong to touch them. Felt wrong to treat his jackets as gross. Because they were just his jackets. They weren't even in the hamper. And then I was remembering him wearing them, and then I was crying. Again. And again. Weeping over these damn jackets.

Then I found a shirt on his bed that still smelled like him. It smelled like a Hug From Dad. And that set me off crying even harder.

In total, I think I cried like 6 times within 40 minutes. It took me that long to finish sorting the damn clothes bc I just. Was a wreck. Like, what are you supposed to do when you're living life like normal, vaguely hopeful bc you're taking steps to secure your own happiness, and then 4 days later you're sorting your dad's laundry because he fucking died. Suddenly. Without a goodbye.

And you have to worry about his lack of a will (even under an ideal situation, only 2 heirs and no conflicts between us, probate's a fucking Bitch), and arranging the funeral, and prepping his obituary, and picking out pictures, and writing a speech bc you want to talk at his funeral, of Course you want to talk at his funeral, but even just thinking about anecdotes you could share has you crying yet again.

I've cried more times in the past 3 days than likely the entirety of last YEAR. And that's WITH my cat, and uncle, and family friend dying. Those all hurt, my uncle most of all, & I was real fucked up over it. But this? This was my Dad. Likely the person I'd have named 2nd closest to me in my life, second only to my sister. He wasn't perfect, but he did so much for me throughout my entire life. All he wanted was to raise us to be happy and independent. And he accomplished it, we're getting by without him, but we still wanted several more decades with him. He was only 57. We should've gotten several more decades with him.

But here we are now. Playing investigators to his life, digging into all his shit, trying to find documents and take inventory of all his things, and learning Many things about him in the process. In his lockbox of sensitive documents, like his SSN and birth certificate and all that stuff, we found an old letter. About a decade old now, written in my hand. Right at the very top, we found that he'd kept the letter I wrote to him telling him frankly about my struggles and the things I wanted him to do better. He kept it. He tried to take it to heart. He looked at it again, sometime more recently than all the rest of the documents. That was on top.

His love for us is evident everywhere. The pictures he has hanging up all over the place, majority of them with us in them. The old fathers day cards placed on display in his bedroom bookshelf. The gifts we gave him, even stupid little knick knacks, placed around his apartment with pride. I wish we'd taken more videos of him. I don't want to forget the sound of his voice. I don't want to forget his smell either, the smell of a Hug From Dad, but I still tossed that shirt into the wash even though it felt like saying yet another goodbye.

It's the suddenness that hurts the most, I think. We were planning on having him help me finally get my license this year. My final words to him, the last thing he would've seen from me, were messages asking up on whether he'd called his car insurance company to make sure there wouldn't be problems. I should've called him more. I don't know if I'm going to learn from this.

I cut my 2 weeks off early to have time to grieve and to work on things for the funeral and settling the estate. The last thing I'd wanna do right now is selling fucking bubble tea in a job I already decided to leave. So here I am without a job, though with potentially two life insurance policy payouts to come. Inheriting half his 401k. Inheriting couches, knickknacks, keepsakes, paintings, art pieces, maybe even his guitar and other furniture if we can figure out what to do about space (I don't have room for this furniture, I don't know if I even have room for the couches, but God do I want to keep so much of this furniture). It has me even considering keeping one of his guns, just one. A tiny little revolver, it sits so comfortably in my hand. I don't even want to use it for anything. I just want to have it, keep it stored in a drawer with its ammo kept separate. I don't like guns, but this is a part of him. He loved collecting guns. He was about as responsible with them as someone can be, keeping them locked in a lockbox and impressing upon his children the importance of gun safety (I've known the basic gun safety rules ever since I was a little kid. Of course, of course, of course.) It reminds me of him. It's horrifically easy to have a gun in Indiana. I apparently don't even need a permit to carry anymore. (I have no intention to ever carry this in public.)

It's all a cycle. Business, grief, thoughts about my future. Round and round, like the most nauseating carousel in existence. I don't know how I'm still so functional. My skills with compartmentalization have been my lifesaver.

And im just thinking about the story my dad's best friend shared today. About a friend of theirs who lost her father. She reached out after hearing about my dad to share his words with her: "it's okay to grieve, but don't make his death your life".

He explicitly referenced himself in this, saying if he were to die suddenly that he wouldn't want us to define ourselves by it. Grief is expected, but he wants us to be able to move on. He's always wanted us to establish ourselves and make ourselves happy. He wouldn't want to be a weight holding us back from that.

So every time I start to feel guilty for thinking about having nicer furniture or using his life insurance payout to fund the rest of my college, I remind myself of that. Thinking about the material isn't a bad thing. I'm only human. And in the end, he'd Want me to be thinking about it. He never intended to die, certainly not without warning like this, so he would've only encouraged me being pragmatic about it all.

He only ever wanted us to be happy. So I need to do what I can to live up to that.

I love him. I miss him already.

#speculation nation #negative/ #this got really long on accident. but i think typing this out was really helpful for me. #getting the thoughts out. processing. the works. #nearly cried several times just from writing this. #...and honestly i might reference this again when i start seriously writing my eulogy. #things suck a Lot right now. and i really wish they were different. #feels like i picked a bad choice in a video game and am now seeing the Bad Ending or whatever #all i need to do is reload a previous save. it's all still there. perfectly preserved in my memories. #but... that's all gone. as suddenly and unfair as it is ive been thrust into a new chapter of my life so thoroughly. #it's not all bad though. he wasnt prepared for dying so it's been hell to prepare for him #we dont know if we'll even be able to get into his fucking iphone. stupid piece of shit. #but he had life insurance. he had a union job. and That comes with benefits #(something about a year's salary going to the family. aka half a year's salary to Me. and isnt That mind boggling.) #as much as it hurts im going to be realistic about it. im going to do what i need to finish my education. #and im going to use it as a springboard for finally becoming a 'proper adult'. #the kind who could own a nice kitchen fridge. one with an ice machine on the front of the door #and freezers in the drawers. #maybe then i could think about getting motorcyle lessons. not from my dad as i originally wanted #but i wanna keep the family biker spirit alive. i wanted it even before he died. and now i want it even more. #ive had so so many thoughts. it's only been 3 days. ive had to emotionally numb myself several times just to Get Through It. #everything is exacerbated. my mom wants to go to the funeral. we will have to fight her on this. my dad Hated her. #and i certainly dont fucking want her around either. not then. not when im talking about my dad. #(my dad. my Dad. i saw him die. i felt him cold. i do not regret it. it still hurts me.) #it's overwhelming. i loved him so fucking much. even with his flaws he was truly an amazing father. #i'll... shut up now. if you read this far. well. hug your loved ones a little tighter. you never know when youll lose them.

[athenaholmesartistsguild]

Had this card finished for a while before posting, but I was kinda insecure about it lol. I talk a little more in depth on this card's Patreon post (you can view and download it for free btw), but long story short, I got stuck in my head about whether I was embodying the symbolism of The Star and then I realized I didn't have to have a one-to-one counterpart to every Rider-Waite-Smith card lol.

Once I wasn't so stuck in my head, I realized I really like the way this card came out! I usually struggle to draw fire, but I found this quick tutorial and it actually gave me a process to try! Would recommend!

But let's go ahead and talk interpretations. They'll be below the cut as always:

After The Tower's destruction, The Star rises from the wreckage-- a shining beacon of hope.

While you likely experienced a period of pain and upheaval in the past, the presence of The Star suggests that good things are coming your way.

The Star is a card of hope and renewal. It reminds us that even though we went through trauma or generally crappy situations, we can emerge from them confident that things will get better. There are good things coming and we're urged to focus on those.

A lot of the symbolism within this card is somewhat religious in nature. The original woman is kneeling down with one of her feet seemingly walking on water, an homage to the Christian understanding of Jesus. The Star appears to be very in touch with the higher power within her whether her understanding of it stems from religion or her own spiritual beliefs.

In this way, we're urged to have faith in the forces we might not be able to comprehend. Sometimes singular or series of events can happen without us putting much effort into their creation. Sometimes, something we wanted or needed comes to us even when it didn't seem at all possible. The Star urges us to have faith in ourselves and trust that what we want will come to us.

Be confident in yourself, have hope that things will change, and begin to free yourself from the fear that keeps you from living authentically.

Reversed, the once hopeful figure of The Star has lost their glow. They've become lost in their pain and struggle to find any reason to stay positive. There's only so much a person can take before they feel beaten down and hopeless.

An important distinction, however, if that a reversed Star does not mean you have no hope. There are still plenty of chances for our situations to improve and for us to heal, this reversed card simply indicates our own feelings and thoughts.

While it can be frustrating to hear that something's 'all in our head', a reversed Star can be looked at as a sign that we have the power to make things better. Whatever higher power put us on Earth also gave us the ability to alter our reality and create a better life for ourselves.

Of course we may need help along the way whether that be a therapist, doctor, support group, or our loved ones, but that help is out there.

Even a reversed Star is a message that the worst of our pain and suffering is over. The pain we suffered is real and valid, it always will be. But The Star reminds us that we have the power to heal from it and come back stronger than when we started.

When designing this card, I wanted Haruka to represent the Star in question.

After Kiryu's entire family died, he felt like he had no reason to stay alive. The whole reason he went on his journey in the first game was to be reunited with the people he loved. He was willing to forgive those that had hurt him and move on, but in a very short period of time, everything was taken from him.

Everything except Haruka.

Haruka isn't free from suffering, either; her mother was taken from her and her father tried to kill her, but she serves as an anchor for Kiryu to hold onto his desire to live (even if he continues to struggle in the future).

She's an opportunity for Kiryu to get away from the Tojo Clan-- the organization that gave him everything he loved, but also took it away so many times. A beacon of hope leading Kiryu towards the life he actually wants.

Things aren't easy. Healing from such intense trauma rarely is, but there's hope for this little girl who never had a proper family and this man who just lost his.

Fate seemingly destroyed both their lives, but it seems like it also gave them everything they needed to find new meaning in the mess left over.

#Finally remembered to run my art through Glaze to keep AI scrapers from training off it :') #It takes down the quality a little bit. not sure if it's because my images are kinda small or because of my style. #I'll run some more of my art through it to see what happens lol. #Wish you could choose the resolution tho. 72 dpi is crunchy as hell :P #I'm currently bouncing between different cards. I've started the Hanged Man the Wheel of Fortune and the Ace of Swords. #Wish I could just pick one and finish it :') #yakuza #yakuza fanart #kiryu kazuma #my art #sawamura haruka #tarot card design

[warpolomewdarkmatter]

i think that if Lightyear (2022) didn't have the meat-bread-meat sandwich scene i would like the movie way more. the sandwitch gag was just so flabbergasting and honestly gross (so unhygienic!!!) that it yanked me out of the "being immersed in a story with my disbelief suspended" into "Who In Their Right Mind Wrote This Into The Movie Script. Am I, The Viewer, Supposed To Think This Is Funny?" soooo fast (and it was already losing me with all the new watery characters and the lackluster zurg plotline). there's a cool scifi story happening before & after that scene and Those events are always shown as something natural, i guess (within the setting they make total sense, i mean), and i always trust the main character to know what to do and Belong in the story. but the sandwiches were weird and alien even to him and even moreso weird and alien to me by extension... and that feeling of weirdness contributed to nothing re: mood of the moment/overarching plot/character development and it wasnt even FUNNY. if the creators wanted to include the sandwich so bad they needed to have zurg eat it to show what a deranged freak he is.

#i know this is kind of insane nitpicking but i do sincerely believe this. for me that scene is one of the most memorable parts of the movie #origpost #lightyear #oh my god and the cucumbers... the WATERY VEGETABLE SLIDES FROM THE FATTY MEAT!!! THATS OBVIOUS AND DISGUSTING!! #YOU HAVE TO CUSHION IT WITH SOMETHING DRY/TEXTURED LIKE BREAD OR LETTUCE!!! OR SLICE THEM INTO STRIPS NOT CIRCLES!!! #NOT TO MENTION THAT THE BREAD IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CUCUMBER SITUATION WILL BE SO SOPPING WET. #AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF THEY USED ANY SAUCE OR SPREAD BECAUSE IF SO THE BREAD WILL GET EVEN MORE MOIST??? #unless the bread is covered on both sides with a fat-based spread eg butter which would prevent it from absorbing water. but who knows. #(echoing mumbling) or you could use cream cheese instead of butter... w/ some spices mixed in... god i wish theyd add some cheese on there. #um in conclusion. love to have characters take a break and enjoy some food that adds some flavor (ha!) to the setting. #like the grub in emperors new groove! or wreck it ralps pacman cherry! or wallace and gromits moon cracker!! #i just think the ly sandwiches underdelivered and the characters didn't even finish them (i mean buzz takes it [hands dirty] and #sets it on the table AND PICKS IT UP [HANDS DIRTY] AND ***TAKES A BITE***???? and LEAVES IT??? which is fucking insane????!?!?!?!) #um. sorry for ranting and nitpicking again. i just have Opinions on food. in scifi. i guess. (suddenly the blogger is weirdly embarrassed.) #the other food items in the vending machine were PICKLES btw. maybe the colony just got really good at growing cucumbers and nothing else..

[zevrans]

.

#finally got into the whole bg3 modding shebang and installed some appearance mods to make my new sorcerer tav 😍 #also is it me or is there anyone else who can't NOT choose the black sclera eyes everytime?? she's a half elf again but i just #can't not pick the black sclera options like.. it looks so much better i always loved that in a character appearance idk :D #it adds a little bit of sinister-ly vibe to her overall soft look im going after #wish i could edit the heads myself tho i dont like the huge lips but i liked the face shape of a certain mod head #and the one i liked lips on i dont like the face shapevxmfjfm #i need to download piercing mods dang i almost finished when i realized the default piercings dont go well with her look #and now i'll have to remake her again 🙈 #but first find piercing options i like #and more eyes #tbd

[sysig]

Many months of paper review (Patreon)

#Doodles #For the record this is all on the same page lol #Basically a full year of going ''Oh this paper's so nice I wish I could use it'' lol #Unfortunately there was a pretty serious batch error that I didn't notice when I first picked it up :( #It's from my favourite brand so I was like ''Oh it'll be fine! I know I like this paper already!'' #Always - check. Always check! #The lines were printed wobbly and askew (so not perpendicular) and there was a crease down the right side of most pages #It's still an absolute treat to work with but editing is a lot more difficult with those errors #So I thought I was just going to have to scrap more than half of a notebook! D: #(Since I'd already drawn on a few pages up to those batch errors) #But then came the Scratch Pages idea to save the day! Lol #I have gotten a lot of utility out of this notebook after all! I'm not as gentle or careful with it as my current-main notebook #I can be a little rougher and keep the guidelines or not colour since it's all intended to be cleaned up later anyhow :) #Although all the scratch comics are up on my Patreon currently lol - I got a lot of mileage out of the concept >:3c #Plus a few of them have ended up here after all lol - most things with lines lately have been from this notebook #I'm definitely going to be using this method going into the future too! In fact I have the next two notebooks picked out for testing :D #Since this one is only one page out from being completely finished ah :'D It's always bittersweet to put a notebook to rest <3 #I also like how you can watch my hair grow in real time lol #And my style change in small increments :D #It's always harder to tell with my chibis but it's there!

[potter-inthe-tardis]

My Top 10 Songs of 2022

If you're curious about my top 10 k-pop songs of 2022 check them out here!!!

Cypress By Sarah Kinsley

That's Our Lamp By Mitski

In Flight By Sunflower Bean

Happiness By The 1975

Love, Try Not To Let Go By Julia Jacklin

Tonight By Phoenix Featuring Ezra Koenig

Mr. Schwartz By Arctic Monkeys

Angelica By Wet Leg

Sidelines By Phoebe Bridgers

Bad Habit By Steve Lacy

I'm tagging: @pieces-of-silverwing @heichoumama @imaginationofacrazyfangirl @a-rhinestone-cowboy @vauqita @peter-kirkland @roseamiginger @thesetwoinone @american-virtues @littlemisssweetdreams and anyone who happens to see this im also tagging you! And as always you dont have to do this but it would be fun if you did!!!

#i had the hardest time picking a the 1975 song #cuz i like all the songs a lot but i also dont feel like ive spent long enough with the songs to make a year end list #but i did listen to Happiness a LOT before the album came out so yeah #Picking a song for AM tho was surprisingly easy like i love all the songs on the car but Mr Schwartz is the stand out for me #also i feel like i need to say yes i did learn about Bag Habits from a tiktok video a friend sent me but i have listened to the full song #ive listened to it many times like as i went to listen to it on youtube i was like uh-oh is this a tiktok song?! #unfortunately its the only song of his i listen to so am i really that much better then his mostly silent concert crowds #my top song was soo easy to pick if youve never listened to Sarah Kinsley i highly recommend checking her stuff out #she only has eps and singles out so far but i cannot wait until she releases a full album hopefully next year maybe #i mean i highly recommend checking out all these songs/artist but her the most #Also not to be a Vampire Weekend stan but Ezzy really mad the Phoenix song for me #like him being a part of it was perfection #i wish i could tell 13 year old fledgling indie fan me about this song #my post #ive had this post in my drafts since like mid December but i just havent gotten around to finishing this #i hope no one minds i tagged them #i tagged friends and then the first few mutuals in my activity!!

[wheelsupin-five]

 Happy seven sentence sunday monday! (I am once again taking advantage of timezones)

He casts a glance at his alarm clock which flashes a terrible 1400 hours. 

If he had it his way he would have just rolls over and gone back to sleep, but his mouth is stupidly dry and he suspects it’s the reason behind the dull throb in his head. Fewer than four hours of sleep doesn't make him human, but it does enable him to drink from the bathroom tap.

Throwing his legs over the edge of the bed, he bats back the siren song of his mattress and painstakingly stacks his joints before moving off to the nearest water source. If anything, he felt worse than when he got home. Surely he would have noticed the pull and ache in his legs.

The water is cold and tastes vaguely of his childhood.

No pressure tag! @swiftiediaz @gayedmundodiaz @ci5mates @trippedandfell @northern-borealis @eddiessluttytanktop

#this is apart of an old 5 + 1 ive only just picked up again but i stiill have to come up w one more before the +1 #seven sentence sunday #lincoln.txt #mine #my wip #911 #i wish i could just stick to one wip so i could finish something :// #especally now my works tend to be getting longer which means they take longer to begin with

[youjustwaitsunshine]

someone is doing burnouts on the street outside

#god i wish that were me #stream of consciousness incoming #so im like 95% finished with my text now im gonna have my boyfriend look over it tomorrow (especially my latin translation) #but then ill just have to put the citations and then ill be fine it's actually not that much effort and it was quite easy to write #like i could have gotten it done in two days (one for source work one for writing) if it wasn't for adhd #and also i realized how incredibly sensitive i am to noise this year but like specific people noise #as soon as i can understand what the noise is i can simply not concentrate and i have pretty good ears like i pick up sounds well #so when i sit in the uni library with the windows open because i live in germany and we have no ac here and theres people talking outside? #bye i will not concentrate for like 3 hours #cant go to the library cant go to my uni workplace because my friends are there and i love them but even when i am focusing they are #SO LOUD #like theres two of them (again love them. great people) who emit loud sounds while working esp when frustrated but also randomly #and it will throw me off so badly #so today i stayed home for writing and it worked so well (noise canceling over earplugs window closed to shut out children outside) #but also i hate how easy i am to distract #however i have more discipline thab last year so at least thats okay

[quatregats]

Girl help I’m becoming attached to this grad school and now I’m stressed about applying

#didn't realize until this year but apparently my normal application process is to pick One Specific Place and obsess over it #i don't know how to apply to more than one place and treat them all equally i've got to have my one special one #literally applying to universities i only did one i did it early decision and i didn't fill out any other applications #and it was a place that i'd wanted to go to since the beginning of high school #i really don't know how to just have several options open and behave normally about it #i wish i had more time so i could make this application as polished as i want it to be i really really want to get in here #i was reading the book by the professor i want to work with and they literally do pretty much exactly what i want to study #and it would be so interesting and plus it's close to home and i like the city and i would be very happy there i think #aaaaaaaaaa someone help me this is not good there's no way i'm getting in here i'm so bad at anthro and i have no credentials #in just a few days you'll all be free of grad school rants but i still have to finish round two #perce rambles

[nomaishuttle]

i literally have completionist brain but for real life and like. not a fun way for me to play games Definitely not a fun way for me to live irl

#bc in games like. skyrim or what have you i do nottt play them right ik there isnt a right way to play them #but i do every single quest and i pick the options thtall give me the best rewards etc and it just isnt very fun. and rhe point is that its #a role playing game so i should roleplay and if i want to see what happens if i pick the other options i just Make anew save instead of #reloading over and over again. and yet #and its not fun in the sims bc j literally judt force them to max their skills get highest level in their careers complete theiraspirations #and then im just like. ok. and it ends up making my sims games so samey and not fun bc ill Make sims thatr different from eachother but #well. 1. sims 4 sims do not act different from eachother Lmao you Can pick different traits but the most u get is moodlets and maybe 2-5 #dialogue options. not that much... vs like skms 3 where each trait could change up a sim a lot #butttt whatever. anyways... #but yeah irl im like Noooo i cant just do this 1 good job bc there are all these other jobs i also need to do i cant pick one major i have #to do all of them i cant Not be able to romance this person !! but real life isnt a video game and that mindset fucking sucks for videogame #anyway... like i like completing a game but i wish i didnt let it ruin games 4 me #bc it rly does i never finish games anymore bc i stress myself out over 100% it... #and i make too many spreadsheets abt them. but i love spreadsheets :[[[[ #i should go back to sdv again.. and return to an old save thats another thing #ill obsess iver a game to the point i burn out completely and stop playing and then ill get the urge to play again #but i start a new save and inevitably burn out again and its like ! the devil

[easeupkid]

sometimes i really am as dense as a brick

#am getting ready to go back to school and i’m anxious so i’m trying to get myself to focus on the nice things and i’m like oh i can see #some people who i haven’t seen in a while i feel like i was laying the foundations last semester i hope i can resurrect them from summer #slump and so i was thinking about some people i would like to get to know better + i was thinking about this guy from my es class who i #buddied around w/ and some of our interactions and like literally . i think we were flirting i wish i wasn’t dumb #LIKE….. some examples so i can determine if i am gnawing my own arm off over nothing or not like one time i was at an event doing my #reporter job and after i finished doing interviews + stuff i was just like at the event at as a normal person and he was tabling so i was #talking to him and he was like oh i saw you talking to a bunch of people + figured you were working and i was really hoping you would come #talk to me and i was like oh cool we’re buds he wanted to talk to me :) and then we hung out for the rest of the time like maybe that was a #statement made from a more than buds perspective BECAUSE I WAS LITERALLY THINKING THE SAME THING ABOUT THE GIRL I HAD A CRUSH ON AT THE TIME #WHO WAS RUNNING THE EVENT #and then there’s other stuff too like one time we were doing some group project in class where we had to debate other groups and i was like #oh this will be easy because i like to argue and he was like oh do you now ??? like in a way that could be interpreted to be flirty #and one day we literally went wading in the creek in the park together and were picking up rocks off the stream bed to show each other like #hmmmmmm much to think about #makes me angry @ myself for not picking up on it because i thought he was cute too but like #idk if we will have a lot of other overlap because we’re in diff major areas and i’m finished w/ most of my gen eds so like #unless he just happens to be in my final poli sci gen ed this semester like……. #+ i thought about asking for his number in a FRIEND WAY at the end of the semester because he was cool but then i just didn’t lol because i #chickened out omfgggggggggg but like even if i am misinterpreting this i still wanna be friends with him he was cool #ANYWAYS sorry guys needed to get this off my chest #sorry for treating tumblr like a diary it WILL happen again #i’ll delete this later #c speaks

[pigaletta]

.

#Being in vet med is so damn bleak all the time because whenever you get hope there's always some drawback that basically nullifies it. #looking for a clinical pg with rank 183 in the country but whoops can't go to your own state #and other states universities will put you in a college in buttfuck nowhere rather than their best ones #like...I am so fucking tired. Every time I try to fight my depression something comes back and reinforces it harder. #it's things like this that make me want to leave the field and do something less heavy even if the hours are longer #whenever. WHENEVER I talk to a vet it's just bleak. Everything sucks everywhere. It's a matter of choosing your hell. #EVEN THE HAPPIER VETS #And there's no promise that if I try to go abroad I won't get crippling depression there too. #like. why do I try? why didn't I choose to go to NISER when I had the chance? #Why didn't I pick a job where I can just sit at a computer all day and not have to talk to anyone #how much do airport ground staff earn? maybe I could be a tug driver. Maybe I could have done some degree to become a flight mechanic. #why didn't I know when I finished school that my mental health is fragile as fuck and I need a job that doesn't make it this much worse #I'll run a photostat shop. I'll learn to fix laptops. Anything. #People raise families with that kind of income. Surely I can look after myself with it. #Why is everything bleak all over the world all the time in veterinary medicine? why is there no silver lining anywhere? #I'm sick of this. I'm sick of being decent at my job but not being able to handle the reality of how stressful it is. #I'll do any manual labour job day in and day out six and a half days a week for my whole life but this is just killing me #rant #I'm unrealistic and ungrateful and addicted to quick dopamine #but god I wish I wasn't suffering from depression of varying degrees since 2015. #vent #personal

[tojipure]

Haunted

Toji cannot move on, until he realized too late.

Warnings: Angst, slightest fluff (reader and baby 'gumi moment)

You were just a girl, standing in front of a man, asking him to love you.

How hard was that for him? Yes, he wasn’t good with his words but he wasn’t good at anything else either. He was just there.

Maybe because the woman he truly loved—he was still mourning over her. His sad eyes every time he watched an old couple dance together, wishing he had been doing that but with her. The cute babies babble with their mothers as Megumi babbles with his father, how he wished his wife was still here instead of you. He never said it, but that’s what it felt like. 

And perhaps that's what it was. 

Sometimes he curses himself out when he accidentally calls you his wife's name. During intimate times only. You tried—trying to keep the emotions in as if it wasn’t breaking every part of you, was the hardest part. “Look he’s walking...” You smiled at the dark haired baby who was walking towards you. Toji smiled, making sure he’d record every second of it; deep down he wished his wife was the one the baby was walking towards instead of you.

And it was wrong—so wrong. 

“This relationship, I’m with you but Toji—Toji this is the loneliest I’ve ever felt.” You whispered while he ate his leftovers, his brows still furrowed from the argument occurring earlier. Having Toji work from 9–5 wasn’t the best but good thing he had you, helping him out with so much. Picking up groceries, picking up his lovely son—until you mentioned that one of his teachers mistaken you as his biological mother. That right there was enough to make Toji angry for weeks at least.

But not this time.

He stopped chewing on his food after you spoke, waiting for more of an explanation. Which you figured he needed, “I don’t think you’re in love with me–” 

“I like you [name], a lot.” He cleared his throat. He leaned back on his chair as his arms crossed waiting for you to continue the sentence he interrupted. 

Right, he liked you a lot. These three rough years you’ve been dating Toji—that particular l word was never uttered once, not even if he was drunk, or having a special moment with you. You huffed trying to find the right words for Toji to understand. That was until little Megumi started crying from his room. “I’ll try to put him back to sleep, finish eating.” He watched as your fragile little body sulked its way to Megumi’s room.

He knew this was gonna happen, he knew you were bound to leave him sooner or later. 

You smiled as you opened the door to see the little Megumi standing on top of his little bed. His hands wiping his tears as he ran towards you, his arms now wrapping around your legs. “Sleep with mama and papa.” He cried out as you leaned down to pick up the little boy. “[name] and papa, not mama okay?” You corrected him, if Toji were to find out that he had been calling you that, then that argument would’ve climaxed.

The little boy nodded, his tears now gone as you swayed him around. “Sleep with you.” He mumbled, leaning his head on your shoulder as he played with a strand of your hair. “Just for tonight.” You whispered, watching Megumi pick up his head and smile. Content with your answer. 

Toji’s heart could just swell at the sight. You treated his son as if he was your own and nothing looked so much better right now, except for the fact that he wished it was his wife.

Megumi was now soundly sleeping between you and Toji, “I don’t think I can do this anymore.” His eyes shut tightly hearing those piercing words leave your mouth. It hurt when his wife left him, but this hurt was different—different because he knew it was coming yet he didn’t want to do anything about it. 

“I’m sorry—”

“You don’t need to be the one apologizing.” He watched your soft gaze stare at completely nothing. He was confused, this was his fault. He never treated you how you needed deserved to be treated. “It was my fault for throwing myself at a man who simply was not ready.”

The next morning was silent—baby ‘gumi was confused at the saddened look on your face. Constantly walking up to you asking if you were okay. He was still just a baby, yet he read the room so well. “I’m sure we can work this out—” Toji now sitting next to you on the couch, some cartoon playing in the back as Megumi’s little head sat on your lap. “You’re not ready, Toji.” You nodded, eyes still glued on the tv as if it was meant for you and not the little Megumi. 

“And how are you so sure—”

“Tell me you love me then.” Your eyes are now fixed on Toji’s. It was hard, he felt as if his mouth had been glued shut. You sigh, bringing your gaze back to the tv, “I love you—but it’s hard when it’s one sided Toji.” 

It hurt much more, seeing you drive away as the clueless Megumi waved you out. Poor thing thinks you’re simply going to the store. The house that once felt like home was so dull now. Toji sat little ‘gumi down on the couch. 

His constant, “mama?” or “[name]?” while he kept his gaze on the door every so often. Nothing prepared Toji for this. Megumi cried that he wanted to sleep with his mama and papa, his heart swelled knowing that he had been talking about you.

You were gone, just like his wife. But it hurt—it hurt so much more knowing that you’re alive trying your best to…move on. He stayed up late that same night, stumbling upon a video from two years ago. When Megumi first learned how to walk. You and Toji had just started dating but the look of happiness plastered your face as you watched the little baby walking. 

That was one thing Toji never forgot about, how much you loved kids. Telling him how once you had kids of your own you would finally be able to live in peace. How he heard of it less and less as the years went on, he wonders if you still think that.

next part ->

#jjk #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen #jjk x y/n #angst #jjk angst #jjk toji #toji fushiguro #toji x reader #toji x you #toji zenin #jujutsu toji #toji fushiguro angst #toji fushigro x reader #jjk x you #jjk drabbles #rosipuree

[insanechayne]

~ ~ ~

#oooohhh I fucked up #like big time fucked up #I knew better than to bring that up but I did it anyway and told myself it wouldn’t be a big deal and I just made everything fucking worse #I seem to do that quite a lot #I think the only thing I’m good for is ruining things #I just want you out of my head #I just wanted to know that this was ending for real so I could move on and stop hanging on to nothing #I should have seen the signs and picked up on the hints and I didn’t and now I’ve made us both upset #but it’s hard because you were the only one to ever give me attention and I got addicted to having my ego boosted #you started this and I just want you to finish it so I can go back to normal #I didn’t mean for things to end up this way though #I don’t want to lose a good friend over my own stupidity #and I wish I knew better how to fix this and what to say to make things right #but I crossed a line and now I need you to shove me back over it as hard as you can because that’s what I deserve #just don’t leave me alone here that’s all I ask #I’ll do anything you want and be anything you need #but I just can’t lose another friend #I can’t keep losing people I care about #i can’t keep doing this #personal

[dcxdpdabbles]

DCxDP fanfic idea: Big Fish in Gotham Pond

Based off of @saphushia art found here. . I just loved the idea of Tucker not knowing his skill level because he grew up in the boonies

Tucker gets scouted by Wayne Enterprises after he fixes a kid's computer game while in Gotham visiting Danny.

See, Tucker always known he is passable at tech- one has to be when a technology theme ghost is consistently harassing one's best friend- but to be good at something in a small town like Amity Park didn't mean much .

It's a big fish in a small pound sort of deal. That's why he's never put much thought into it. If Tucker were ever to rank himself in terms of school grades, he would say his computer skills were about a C-.

B+ if it was just coding.

His parents also don't think much of his obsession with his PDA or phones. They thought he waste too many hours on them like the rest of his generation.

It didn't matter that Tucker's technology was about five or more years behind his classmates.

The Foley were hard-working people who barely scraped enough for bills. They were never below the property line, but they danced on it often enough that Tucker knew never to ask for unnecessary purchases.

For as long as he could remember, his parents have always worked long and hard hours. He never blamed them for missing so much of his childhood, in fact he was grateful that they worked so hard to keep the roof over his head, but he did miss them.

That's why Danny's house became a haven for him. He was always at the Fenton's place because the loud, wacky family was much better company than the home silence.

Tucker knew that his family's financial situation didn't change how Danny or Sam viewed him. They had his back through tick and thin just as he did for them, but as they got closer to graduation the difference between them became jarring.

Sam had easy picking of what she wanted to do and where she wanted to go. Her parents were so overjoyed that she wanted to go to a university that they didn't even argue about her wishing to major in botanical biochemistry.

She had started house hunting in Star City midway through senior year. Her parents would gift it to her as a graduation present. Sam would live there for the next eight years to finish her degree.

Danny's parents, while somewhat eccentric, were also certified geniuses. Between the two of them, they had five PHDs and were often freelancing for companies when not doing ghost research. They too could send their two kids to college States away with housing not being a issue.

Jazz went to Metropolis to study Physiology. She lived in a small apartment but was doing well off her scholarships and parent's funding. Last he heard, she had a part-time job at the Daily Planet as a research assistant to gain some independence.

Danny wanted to go to Gotham for their engineering program. He, too, had an apartment of his own, with scholarships and equal funding from his parents. He also worked at Wayne Enterprises, but he was a receptionist. He hoped that once he graduated, he could apply for their engineering program

Not Tucker. His family could only help him get into Community College near Amity. He also couldn't afford to move out so he stayed with them, picking up a part time job to help out when he could.

Tucker is a first-generation college student so even though it wasn't much, he loved to see how his parents glowed when telling others their boy was futhering his education. He wanted to do something that paid well- and after years of patching up Danny- he figured nursing would do the trick.

Tucker would do all his basics in the community College, take a break to save up some money and then move on to the bigger schools.

The day of the graduation felt bittersweet. Team Phantom was finally adults, finally starting out in the real world, but while Danny and Sam moved on to bigger and better things, Tucker knew he would be left behind in little no-where Amity Park.

He never brought it up, but he felt a small dosage of envy the last day of summer before his friends finished packing and left.

Despite both being gone, Tucker had little to no social life even though they called, texted, and emailed often. His days blurred between class, work, and home. Even then, classes were long and tedious, work often ending with one or more customers screaming in his face to try and get free food.

His parents quickly started to nag that he should find a wife as they had married young. They couldn't figure out why he didn't want the same, even though he had no social life again.

Life became dull.

Tucker's only sparks of joy were playing online with Danny and Sam - when they found the time to log in or re-coding his old tech to try and salvage it whenever it broke down.

Soon, it became apparent that Tucker was slowly lacking motivation when he started skipping classes to sleep in and started feeling anxious when he needed to clock in for shifts.

It leads to him barely getting out of bed.

He felt horrible about it, thinking his parents sacrificed so much for him only to have him throw away the opportunities they gave him, and the cycle of not being able to get out of bed would start all over again.

It was Danny who caught on, and all but begged Tucker to come to Gotham for a weekend. He even sent money over for the plane ticket.

Tucker couldn't have gotten on that plane fast enough. He arrived early on Friday since the tickets were cheaper- and Uber over to WE headquarters to pick up Danny's keys as they agreed.

That way, Tucker could sleep and rest in the apartment while Danny worked.

Danny would finish his shift and have the weekend plus Monday and Tuesday off to spend with Tucker. When he arrived, Danny was helping a school check in for a field trip, so Tucker sat down to wait.

Next to him, a kid was growling at his laptop, frankly typing and moving his fingers over the computer's touch mouse. Tucker accidentally glimpsed his screen when the kid started swearing in a different language.

It looked like a shooting game but his lag was bad. By the time the boy pressed the buttons to have his little drone move the other flying things he was chasing were flipping though the air and out of his shooting rage.

It sucked when that happened, and since he was using WE free wifi for guests, it was probably the game. The graphics were badass, though. Seemed almost real.

"Hey try updating the system" He tells the kid after seeing the boy once again lag so bad he missed his shot.

Green eyes swing to him drenched in rage. Which yeah, Tucker knows how frustrating that could be.

"Did I ask for your help!?" The boy snaps, his words lined with an upper-class accent. Made sense since he was wearing a Gotham Academy uniform like the rest of the large school group. "Why are you even looking this way, peasant?"

"No, sorry. I just noticed the lag." Tucker raised his hand, slightly amused at the peasant insult. "I thought I could fix it for you."

The boy's face spams, "You believe you have the ability?"

"Ugh sure? I can try?"

"Here. Be quick. The fate of this city's air defenses depend on it" the boy turns his lap top to him and Tucker blinks.

Okay. So fix the game. He can do that.

And he does, quickly opening the code, analyzing the control and commands , he gets it running properly in less then twenty minutes. The boy seems utterly shock but he quickly takes control of the game and shoots down all the escaping ninjas from the sky.

"Thank you." The boy says with no more tense in his shoulders. Then he closes his laptop and dissappears with the crowd of students.

Tucker thought the kid was a cute.

Danny hands him the keys not long after and he leaves.

Never was he aware of the Boy being Damian Wayne and that the game was not a game but a actual defensive drone system that was fighting off the League of Assassins.

He only finds out how important those two facts are when Danny gets a call from Tim Drake asking if he could pass along Tucker's information because the CEO wanted him on staff as soon as possible..

Both nineteen-year-olds lost their minds after getting the call, screaming at each other in ghost shrieks of glee. They called Sam to let her know- and have her lawyers look over the contact Tim Drake sent just to make sure it wasn't a big-time company trying to screw him over.

He went to an interview three days later. He faced Tim Drake, the current seventeen-year-old CEO, Leo Noir, the current head of HR, and Jessica War, the current head of computer services. They asked him many questions about himself- some of which he felt he had answered terribly- then had him take a computer test.

Tucker thought it was busy work, so he quickly breezed through it. He fixed the problem in many of the coding for various programs, adding his flare to the final product, and after thanking them for their time, went out into the lobby.

He hadn't even reached the door before Jesssica ran after him, offering him the job. Apparently, the first two problems they had him do was the busy work. Tucker had thought they were the ones to let him get comfortable with the coding program.

Like a tutorial in video games.

The other seven were actual issues; many of their latest cellphone products failed. Tucker had solved them in an hour, which had taken the actual team of coders about a month.

"Nitey one dollar and thirty-five cents an hour," Tim tells him tapping the hiring contact. "It would be eighty hours every paycheck. You can work here or at home. Full Benefits. What do you say?"

Tucker's jaw drops. "When do I start!?"

He calls his parents to tell them he will be staying in Gotham with Danny. He tries to explain what had happened but it was all so fast that he can only babble about certain parts.

They tell him not to worry about explaining because they understand how much this means to him.

His parents help pack everything for him and when he flies back for it they, offer him hugs and support. Tucker is so glad they aren't mad.

"I sort of knew it was coming," His dad laughs. "You and that Fenton boy have always been inseparable."

"I did the same thing, you know," His mom says, wiping tears from her eyes but smiling all the same. "I moved with your father states away with little to no plan when I turned twenty too. Drove your grandfather mad."

He loves them both so much. He promises to send money- disregarding their denials- and flies back to Gotham, where Danny has opened his apartment until he gets enough for his own place.

He plans on renting a house with three bedrooms, one for him, one for his office, and another for Danny, as soon as he can. He wants to pay his friend back for everything he did and Danny deserves a bigger living space.

And for once, he'll not have to worry about money!

For once, life is looking up!

(What Tucker is unaware of, is that his parents think he moved to the big city to be with his childhood best friend turned recent lover. They don't know that the money he is sending home is from his own payroll and not Danny's. They think he's a stay-at-home husband.

Tucker is also unaware that the Bats are closely watching him in case he goes rogue. They have been slowly "causally" running into him in the city and breaking into his place to check for supervillain activity.)

#dcxdpdabbles #dc x dp crossover #Big Fish in Gotham Pond au #Tucker is unaware of his skills #The Bat's are keeping a eye on him #His parents think he dropped out to be gay in Gotham' #Danny is happy for his best friend #Sam is laughing silly in Star City #Tucker in his main character era #Is Danny in love with him? Who knows

[chososdiscordkitten]

Synopsis: calling the jjk men good boy's for the first time ^-^

Includes: 𝐂𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐨, 𝐇𝐢𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐢, 𝐍𝐚𝐨𝐲𝐚, 𝐆𝐨𝐣𝐨, 𝐍𝐚𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐢, 𝐓𝐨𝐣𝐢, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐈𝐧𝐨 >_< Content: GN!Reader, no explicit smut- mostly just soft stuffff, just one dick jump I think..? jjk men being simpppps

MDNI

Choso Kamo

The discovery that Choso liked praise was no surprise. If he had a tail, it would wag whenever you praised him; we know this. 

But finding out he liked this kind of praise- that’s what shocked you. 

It came out of your mouth so quickly. As though you had been calling Choso that more than you called him by his name. 

He was making dinner- pattering around the kitchen with your eyes following his every move. You found it endearing how he insisted he would cook, “All you need to do is sit pretty and wait.” he would demand. 

No objections coming from you, knowing if Choso didn’t cook- you would be eating takeout instead. 

And when he offered you a spoonful to see how it was tasting, you closed your eyes with a pleased hum. 

“Now there’s my good boy.” 

You swore it was instinct- like you couldn’t filter the words that left your lips. 

And as though time stood still- you opened your eyes with pinched brows, and your lips pulled to the side. 

The little glimmer that shined in his eyes was one you only see in wonderfilled children when they see a candy store. 

His cheeks blushed with a little smile forming at the corner of his lips, had his heart beat any faster in his chest you would have heard it. 

“I’m a..?” he whispered, looking at you and wanting to hear you repeat it. 

You got the hint he liked it from the moment you opened your eyes. Blinking innocently as his hand held the spoon tightly. “A good boy.” you smiled, trying to keep the embarrassed blush heating your cheeks at bay. 

“My good boy.” you reiterated, watching his cheeks become deeper pink.

Choso nodded- as though this was some standard compliment that didn’t make the appendage between his legs jump at the name. 

‘A good boy.’ he mouthed with a giddy smile as he continued making dinner. 

For sure this only drove him to keep showing his affection with acts of service- only to hear your lips call him by that little name. 

And you were happy to call him that if it meant he would keep looking at you with the same love drunk eyes. 

After that, he would do a favor to you- not expecting anything in return except the new found pet name he wanted to hear you say. 

So when he would bring you something you had asked for—the TV remote, a charger, or a snack on his way home—his heart would pound just waiting for the little name. 

His head would rest on your chest with your hands rubbing small circles on his back and the other playing with his hair. Intent eyes watching the film you had put on- as though you were able to feel the stiffness of his shoulders. Waiting for the name. 

You placed a kiss on his forehead, “My good boy.” you hummed against his skin- feeling him ease into your grasp with a soft exhale. 

Hiromi Higuruma

You were sitting in the apartment office, scanning documents with hazy eyes till your mouth suddenly felt very- very dry.

But then you remembered you had a perfectly able boyfriend sitting on the living room couches waiting for you to finish working. 

You picked up your phone- swiping through the useless apps and clicking on Hiromi’s contact- hearing his ringtone through the closed door before hearing the dial click. 

Taking on a slightly stern tone, “I’m only a few feet away from you-” he started, only for you to sigh dramatically. 

“I don’t think i've ever been so thirsty in my wholllleee life.” you sighed, pressing your forehead onto the desk and hearing a little chuckle rumble through the speaker. 

You could hear the smile in his words, “That so?” almost sarcastically. 

Humming a lazy ‘Mhm’ “How I wish I had a tall, strong, handsome boyfriend to bring me a glass of water wiiiittthhhh three- no. Four ice cubes.” You exhaled dramatically. 

Hearing another little chuckle, “If only.” he muttered, playing coy to your specific demand. 

You gave a frustrated exhale- “Hiromi, be a good boy and bring me a glass of water.” this time more demanding, no longer having the patience for his game of playing coy.

You furrowed your eyebrows- unable to comprehend just how tired you had to be to say that to him. The silence heard from the phone made your stomach fall. 

Hanging up the phone with a small curse. Wondering if you had crossed a line that hadn’t been drawn by either of you. 

You sat up and started working again- far too embarrassed to go out for your own glass of water and settling on the fact Higuruma wouldn’t bring you one. 

That was till you heard looming footsteps behind the door of the office, hearing the door knob jiggle and widening your eyes at the hundreds of scenarios that raced in your mind. 

There Hiromi stepped- casual as ever with a glass of water in his hand. Unbothered, and cool as a cucumber as he placed the glass on the desk with a little kiss on your forehead. 

This made you think the call was cut out at the perfect moment. 

You muttered a small ‘Thank you.’ still shy from the tired, unfiltered words that left your lips. Hiromi started walking out, his back facing you as he halted his steps at the door frame. 

“Honey?” he asked, not even bothering to turn around. “Did you call me a good boy?” Your heart plummeted to your stomach from the question as your cheeks started warming. 

You parted your lips to speak, watching his neck turn and peer back at you. “Depends..?” you squint your eyes, hearing a little laugh leave his lips. 

Irking his head, almost to urge you to finish. “On whether you liked it or not...?” you whispered, looking at his expression soften. 

His nose crinkled in the slightest- “I think I did.” he whispered back with a little crinkle formed on his nose. A nod from your warmed face in return, mindlessly accepting his confirmation and mouthing a soundless ‘ok.’ 

Turning around and taking a step out of the office and closing the door behind him. Knowing he would have to hear it a few more times to be sure he liked it or not. 

Naoya Zenin

Rare were the times when the want to call Naoya a good boy arose. 

He could be such a cunt sometimes- so the urge never really rumbled in your mind. 

But when he would be sweet- when his hands held a gentle touch when cleaning a scrape you got on your knee. Or when he would gently clasp your necklace on for you- knowing you wouldn’t be able to see. 

He would do those sweet things with a furrowed brow and a pouty lip- sure. But his hands showed his true feelings. How gentle they could be at times- that’s when the pet name would threaten to leave your lips. 

But when you would hold his head in your hands, looking at him like an idiot in love- “My good boy.” you murmered, watching a light grimace form on his face at the name.

“Good boy?” he asked, almost disgusted. 

You nodded your head- so sure that Naoya was as you said. “You’ve never called me that.” 

He was so used to the strange pet names you would call him just to get a rise out of him- and he was sure this one was no different. 

You shrugged, “You’re hardly ever a good boy. But when you are- I should tell you, shouldn’t I?” You murmured, being able to feel the warmth on his cheeks fill your palms- even if his expression said otherwise. 

“M’not a dog.” he muttered. 

“If you were- I would have trained you to be a good boy all the time by now.” 

That’s when Naoya pulled his face from your hands and looked away from you. Not wanting to continue the conversation, knowing his cheeks must be flushed by now. 

And the last thing he wanted was you on a power trip from making him blush. Especially from being called a good boy.

But when you started calling him that—Pavloving himself into thinking the little endorphins that would simmer in his brain would only happen if you called him that. And you only called him that when he was kind.

Naoya warmed to the name slowly- barely even grimacing at the callousness you’d say it with whenever he would be sweet. 

Unknowingly, he was being trained to be nice and polite with one ‘good boy’ at a time. 

Satoru Gojo

The times you would praise Gojo were always met with an, “I know.” smug and cocky in his actions to brush off your praise as just compliments. 

But the first time you ever spoke those words to him- a praise he had never heard before now, and eager to hear it again. 

Satoru had made a stupid comment about how you didn’t show your affections enough- “I’m deprived of kisses.” he murmured, complaining to you as though you didn’t spoil him rotten with your affections. 

And in retaliation, you denied him any kisses or hugs. Show him what deprivation really was. 

You were washing dishes, with a whiney Satoru behind you, his hands wrapped around your waist with his chin on your shoulder. “This has to be considered abuse!” another complaint as you denied his advances. 

“You said I was cold and negligent, so I’m showing you how cold and negligent I can be.” You smiled to yourself, turning off the faucet and drying your hands on a nearby towel. 

Hearing a stifled whine of desperation huff from his nose at your denial. “Jus’ gimme one kiss-” aiming his lips at your cheek only for you to pull away. 

Turning over to look at him- faces inches apart with his hands daring to tighten their grip on your waist. Tilting your head to the side with a snide smile. “Only good boys who don’t complain get kisses.” 

From how close he was- you could see the glimmer in his eyes become blinding at the pet name. 

His features going soft with parted lips- “I’m good-” he choked out, looking at you with goal-oriented eyes. “I’m soooo good-” he muttered, bordering on panicked from the idea that you didn’t think he was. 

Gojo’s hands gripped harshly at your hips. “Have you been a good boy?” you asked, almost sarcastically—as though you were speaking to a puppy. 

He nodded- eager to hear the new compliment leave your lips. Only you nodded ‘no.’

“I don’t think you have ‘toru.” you hummed, his lips coming closer to yours with a sad pout. As though the idea of him being good in your mind was the most important thing he needed to hear. 

He only placed his forehead onto the crook of your neck with a sad puff, your hand going up to his undercut, softly stroking the back of his neck in some feigned consoling. “Tell me i’ve been good.” he muttered quietly.

So spoiled from you caving with a little pout here or there. Practically putty in your hands as your other hand caressed the side of his face. 

Rolling your eyes with a playful sigh, “You’ve been good.” with a half-assed tone, only for Satoru to look at you with sad eyes. Expecting more than what you offered. 

Pressing a soft kiss onto his forehead and pulling away, “You’re a good boy.” you murmured, watching the light return to his eyes in sync with the little smile on his lips. 

Blinking rapidly as though he was trying to blind you, “My good boy.” and that’s when he got his fill for affection for the next few minutes. 

Then came the task of having to call him that whenever he wanted to hear it- looking at him with a displeased look, knowing you’ve created a monster that thrives on that special kind of praise only you could offer. 

Kento Nanami

We can all agree- Nanami is the one who deserves to be told he’s a good boy the most, right?

There were times when the urge blossomed in your mind- at the tip of your tongue and so close to calling him that pet name. But you never did. 

That was, until you got the guts to test the waters. 

Laying on your back, a few minutes before bed and unwinding while on your phone, and beside you; a hazy Kento that was waiting for you to turn off your side table lamp. Always waiting for you to get ready for bed before allowing himself to fall asleep. 

You let out a soft sigh before turning off your phone. Rolling onto your side with Nanami watching you from the side of his vision. Only this time you didn't reach for the little nob to turn your lamp off. 

You only stayed on your side with a pensive hum leaving your lips. “Scratch my back Ken,” you muttered, clearly tired with your eyes closed. 

Though you couldn’t see it- or hear it, you knew he had a little smile on his face as he shifted onto your side of the bed. A little shiver ran up your spine when his fingertips grazed the small of your back as he reached beneath your shirt. 

A satisfied sigh left your lips when his barely present nails started circling small scratches between your shoulder blades, your cheeks tingling from the words you dared say. “Such a good boy.” with a little smile on your lips, Nanami couldn’t see. 

Nanami didn’t fully process your mumbled words, only offering a hum in response as he kept up the gentle scratches. 

But when his brain started thinking about what you said- thinking if he misheard you. Slowing his hand with furrowed eyebrows, “Did you call me a-” he hesitated in what he thought he heard. 

“A ‘good boy’..?” bordering on a whisper from the nerves of being incorrect. 

Only the little ‘Mhm!’ that left your lips swatted those nerves away. “You’re such a good boy- always so nice to me.” you hummed, closing your eyes against the pillow with his hand still acting on your demand.

A pensive hum left his lips before slowly dragging his hand out of your shirt. You opened your eyes in dread, thinking he didn’t like it- only to hear him plop on his side of the bed with a throaty exhale. 

“Then be good and scratch my back.” he murmured, clearly too tired to process what he had just demanded- and the tone he used opened a whole other can of worms. But seeing as it was only fair- you did the same. 

Toji Zenin

He had been bugging you to finish your work for a while. Poking and prodding at you to stop working and pay attention to the film he put on to distract you. 

Toji had this thing where he pretended not to care- but you could see that it bothered him with every little side eye he made at you when you would stop typing for even a second. Hoping you were looking up at the TV instead of the screen on your lap. 

But every side eye he would make, Toji would find you still working. 

Going as far as nudging you with his elbow to mutter some bullshit lie he thought up on the spot. 

“M’hungry.” he muttered when you would look over at him. 

“Then eat.”

Only a few minutes of an action movie fight before another useless lure for conversation left his lips. 

“S’cold in here.” trying to bait any conversation he could think of. 

You scoffed, knowing exactly what game he was trying to play. “Get a blanket,” he quickly said, not even wanting to lose your train of thought. 

Then another, and another, and another. Till he finally spilled what he really wanted- “You don’t wanna go lay down or somethin-” with a pouty lip and furrowed eyebrows. You sighed and looked over at him.

“Or something?” sarcasm filled your tone as you looked back at the screen. 

Toji rolled his eyes with an exhale- another sassy trait he had learned from you. 

He parted his lips with an inhale. 

“Good boys wait politely, Toji.” you spat- pinched eyebrows and an avoidant gaze as he looked over to you. 

“When have I ever been polite.” he murmured- barely audible and in an annoyed tone. 

“When have you ever been a good boy?” you retorted, surprised he didn’t catch it the first time. 

He only let out a slight hum at your declaration. 

Toji didn’t really bring it up after that- and neither did you. As though the words hadn't processed in his brain till a week later. 

Looking at you across a metal table at an outdoor cafe- “Did you call me a good boy the other day?” almost with a little grimace on his expression. 

You pursed your lips- making Toji think you were going to deny it. 

“No. I said you’re never a good boy.” 

He only raised a brow at your proclamation- sucking his teeth with an inhale, “That’s not true- and you know it.” dismissing your words before taking a bite of the half sandwich you bought to share. 

Takuma Ino

One of the sweetest boys I can imagine. 

Always would he try to be as gentlemanly as he could- reminding himself that when it came to you, he would bend over backward had you asked. 

But there would be times when it would slip his mind entirely. 

Going shopping with him turned from just a quick pit stop- to an hour, then two hours. 

While ordering boba in line, your hands held shopping bags on each side. Ordering your own drink before Ino ordered his. 

He always found it offensive when you would even think of reaching for your wallet- so he would scoff infront of the cashier before tapping the chip of his card onto the little black screen. 

“How am I supposed to pay you back?” you muttered through clenched teeth, taking a few steps to the little wait area as they prepared the bubble drinks. 

He muttered something like ‘You don’t have to pay me back, what else am I here for.’ brushing you off with a little scoff. 

Ino didn't even notice the bags in your hands- his brain fried from how long you had been in the overcrowded mall. He only noticed when you moved the bags to one hand and shifted your stance slightly.

He looked over at you with a soft exhale- reaching for the bags, “Baby, don't tell me you don't have a ssssuuuuper strong boyfriend to hold these for you.” taking them from your hands and watching your expression soften. 

“What kinda boyfriend would let you walk around holding your own bags-” he scoffed, jokingly making fun of himself as you smiled warmly at him. 

Be it the general brain splitting headache you felt at that moment- or the heartmelting warmth you felt looking at him, “You're such a good boy.” you muttered- bordering on an illegable whisper, but Ino heard it. 

His eyes widened in the slightest and parted his lips at the name. “Me?” Ino whispered back, you only nodded ‘yes’ with tired eyes. Leaning in a little to you ear- too cautious for anyone to hear. “A good boy?” he whispered again. Watching the little smile on your lips widen with eager eyes. 

“The goodest boy.” you whispered with a smug tone- knowing he liked being praised in general. You knew he would like the little name. 

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(a.n) does this count as smut? kinda a grey area me thinks. Didn't know how to tag it. (p.s) im so hungry rn and need to go spend wayyyy too much money on tile :(

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