hi!! I'm a big fan of your writing:)) would you consider writing a one bed trope with Tolya?? if not that totally okay! hope you have a good day
Thank you so much.
Yes yes yes yes yes. I have discussed this topic at length and I love it. One bed trope is a personal favourite of mine. Fluff isn't my wheelhouse but I try.
One Bed - Tolya Yul Bataar
Content warnings: this got unintentionally angsty(?) in places, I am sorry that wasn't my intention, it's a skill I seem to have. Not Beta/Proof Read.
One room, that is what the man had said when you had asked if there was space, "yes one room, on the top floor."
With the brilliant gift of hindsight you realise you should've asked more questions, and not just handed the man your money and taken the key attached to a small round stone that you did not recognize. But you are tired, and the assumption the man made looking at you, and the tree like giant with the tan skin and golden eyes beside you, had not crossed your mind.
Clearly it also had not crossed Tolya's either, and had he been any other man than the one he is you might have taken a slight bit of offence to the prospect that he hasn't even remotely considered it. But this was Tolya.
Warrior in practice, scholar at heart, Tolya.
You knew it wasn't personal, the idea that he hadn't considered you in that way, he didn't seem to consider people at all from what you could tell. But that didn't stop people considering him. Even Zoya, gorgeous, terrifying, Zoya, had made a comment about how if he knew how to turn such poetry onto her then she might consider giving him a chance.
He had just blinked at her, and asked why she thought he would want one.
You had been sure that no one was impervious to Zoya's beauty if not her charms, and yet Tolya had brushed off words that men would've killed for, like they were some dust on his arm.
"That's unfortunate," Tolya says, meaning the size of the bed more than anything, which you can understand, given you wonder how he might fit on it at all. But given the size of the room, having Tolya sleep on the floor is beyond out of the question. The room is barely bigger than the bed that it contains. You let yourself wonder if sleeping on the dirt road might have been a better option.
Because for all the ways you were sure Tolya hadn't thought of you, you knew you had thought of him in return. Sometimes in just fleeting moments, but you couldn't even blame yourself. To spend so much time with those strong broad shoulders, that gentle humour, that laugh that lights up those golden eyes. To spend so much time with someone who manages to be simultaneously as dangerous as he is gentle. Kindness and empathy is not usually found in such abundance in those raised to be mercenaries. You had asked Tamar once if she thought it was being Heartrender's, the ability to feel the way others do, sooth and aid them, or make their heart stop with movements of the hands, that made Tolya kind in spite of the brutality of what the job often brought. She had shrugged.
"I think he is just like that," she had said, "maybe it's the faith.. He believes deeper than anything I've ever known."
So you couldn't blame yourself for the way you felt your heart rate increase when he have you a knowing smile, like there was a joke that only the two of you understood.
You couldn't blame yourself in the way your gaze lingered a moment too long on him.
You couldn't blame yourself for all the thoughts, the wishes, the dreams, because you at least knew they were only dreams. They were yours, they were yours to keep. You could not blame yourself for that.
Anyone who knew Tolya, the way you know Tolya, would not blame you for that.
Tolya moves onto the far side of the bed, laying down and looking up at the ceiling. He looks so comically large against the frame that you let out a small chuckle. He throws you a glance and there's that smile that reaches your eyes and you try to keep your heart from jumping. Tolya does his best to not read you, as you've asked him not to, but you wouldn't blame him for noticing the ways your heart skips, and you do not want to be having a conversation about it. So you try to keep it as in control as you know how. "Just one night," he says, "there are worse things."
"You won't get neck pain?" You tease.
"Is my sister here?" he asks. You let out another laugh, a gentler one this time. "I'll be fine."
You sit on the floor next to the bed, and for a moment Tolya thinks you might be taking off your shoes, but when you don't move for a while longer, he props himself up on elbows to look at you.
"You that tired?" he asks.
"Exhausted," you respond honestly.
"Do you need me to carry you into bed?" he offers. You nearly choke on the air in your throat.
"No, that's really not necessary," you tell him. He watches you for a moment and then it occurs to him, you planned to sleep on the floor.
"I do not mind sharing if you are comfortable with that," he says. The last part rings in your ears, if you are comfortable.
"I," you try to find the right words that won't give you away. Won't tell him that you're scared to sleep next to him in this small room on that small bed because at such a closeness he won't be able to not hear your heartbeat, and the way it races by being close to him. He won't be able to ignore the way his warmth makes your breathing change. And you won't be able to keep those thoughts quiet, those thoughts about how you could stay there, that close, breaths length away from him, forever, just still, just quiet, next to him, and that would be more than enough. "I move a lot."
"And I snore," Tolya says, "or at least Tamar complains that I do." You bite the inside of your cheek as you try to fight smiling too wide at such a simple thing. "But if you're uncomfortable, I will take the floor-,"
"No," you insist quickly, "I am perfectly comfortable, Tolya, if I was going to have to share a bed with anyone I am glad it is you." You immediately regret those words and cannot fathom what compelled you to say them. He just smiles and you can't imagine it being harder to keep your heart out of your throat.
You climb up onto the bed next to him and you pray to ever Saint you know that you are not blushing too deeply, that you will be able to calm the rapid drum in your chest.
You role onto your side and Tolya is looking back at you. He must be able to hear how out of sorts your heartbeat is because he softens into a calmness you know comes before this question. "Would you like some help calming down?" he asks. He does not ask why you need it, he only offers to help, never asking more of you than you are willing to give. You have always hoped he has felt the same about your treatment of him, never asking him for more than he wants to give.
"Maybe, to help me sleep," you says, voice barely a whisper. He reaches out, taking your hand, he gently runs his thumb over the veins by your wrist. You look at how small you look in his hands, those hands that could save or end lives, and have done as much, which hold you with nothing but tenderness as he sooths your heart into a slow rhythm to match his.
You feel the tiredness from the day settling over you as the calm deepens, you know sleep is so close but you keep your eyes open for a moment more, watching him be gentle with you, enjoying this moment. There has not been much time for these types of moments recently, and the importance of this one will not be allowed to slip you by.
For just this little while you are safe, you are here, next to him, and you can pretend for a small time that the world outside these walls filled with war and darkness and fights started, ongoing and yet to come, does not exist. The world is just these four walls, yourself and the man you love silently, as he makes you feel safe in the way only he can.
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A Word-Filled Update
that no one's asking forrrr~
Sooooo, hiya~ ^^
Realized I kinda dropped out without much word, and wanted to give a lil update to anyone who may care, (and specifically to all the unfilled requests that have been sat in my inbox for months now T~T)
Dropping it under a cut because it gets quite long~ but I'll also TL;DR it with: been a bit burnt out, trying to get back into this, I apologize for all the unanswered asks, and I will be trying to get to the ones I can, but I'll be focusing more on trying to enjoy the process of making content~ Thank you to anyone who's stuck around <3
(Tw for brief mention of mental health/neurodivergencies~ nothing in depth or dark, but just incase anyone wants to avoid that <3)
Nothing serious has been going on, mostly just burn out and a bit of drama in main friend group, combined with free time just being a lot more limited recently~ (not a bad thing, most of it is because I'm getting to talk more with friends I've gotten closer to this past year~)
That said, I've been trying to get back into content, making it, reblogging it, etc, without letting it become all-consuming. I find, with the way my brain works, mostly to do to some wonderful neurodivergent tendencies, I tend to fall heavily into 'all of nothing' mentality.
This shows up in my day to day life, (ie: can't wash the dishes for weeks until I suddenly do them all in one day) and I've definitely noticed it with content creation. Need to write and finish a story in one go, record a wav as fast as possible, always afraid I'll lose that motivation.
But honestly? I love making content on here! And I'm not a huge blog, nor do I care if I am (at least trying not to, if I'm being painfully honest~) but I genuinely love making content. Whether it's just for me, a request that I am hoping one specific person will enjoy, or a story I write with a community in mind, I just love creating~
So, I'm trying to ease my way back into this! Bit by bit, let it be fun, and enjoyable, with less internal pressure to produce as much as I can, as fast as I can, and make it be perfect.
I won't lie and say 'numbers don't matter to me', if I'm honest, they do. But I'm learning more and more how to let it be about the content, and to just enjoy the process~ (and if people like it, that'll be a wonderful bonus!~)
Wooo this is getting so long, I apologize sincerely! Last thing, something I've mentioned a few times previously but never really let myself get into... requests~
I'm so honoured that people care about my content enough to have asked for things, and getting any ask, request, praise, ask lists, heck even just a 'hi!' is honestly the best part of this blog for me!
Buuuut, I definitely worked myself into burn-out before with a "every request needs to be filled and fast" mentality, that led to just... not filling any.
So! I'm going back through my inbox, and deleting some older ones that I don't have a clear vision/motivation for. I apologize to anyone who requested them, though by now it's possible they're long gone~ But I think this will help me not only start enjoying the creation process without feeling so overwhelmed, but also start actually getting more content made~
There are definitely a bunch that I still adore, and am thrilled to get to test out, but if there's one you remember sending, and you really want to see it completed, please feel free to send another ask saying what it is you want done, and I'll see if I can get that going <3
And if you've stuck it out to the end here- uh hi! ^^ I'm sorry this is so long, I'm such a words person, but I appreciate you so much, not just for any support you've offered, but just bothering to read this <3 I genuinely didn't expect most to make it this far, so thank you so deeply <3 and I hope to see you guys around as I start reblogging stuff more!~
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Hey guys, Knox here *waves*
I’ve come to the conclusion that I am, in fact, majorly Burnt Out. I have been for a while I think, so I will be taking a break from Monkie Kid and fandom content in general until I’m back on my feet.
I’ll still be watching the episodes, but I won’t be doing any reaction posts or analysis
My ask box will be closed
I may still be creating some sort of content for myself but there’s no guarantee I’ll be posting it regularly
I won’t be consuming other people’s content or art or reacting to them on tumblr much or in discord servers
I need to put some distance between me and fandom stuff and take some time away from creating and posting and consuming as well (even though I honestly haven’t been doing much of that in general at all lately anyways lol cause. y’know, burnout lgbsdl;kfmaew).
I won’t be completely gone. You might see me around a bit every one in a while. I’ll probably be answering the asks in my inbox that have been accumulating over the last while here and there, though some i might just straight up delete, (I apologize if you never see yours answered.) I’ll be lurking more in servers than being active from now on to avoid burning myself out more with responding to every single message as I have the habit of attempting to do, but I’ll still be around.
Feels kinda sudden, but it’s been a long time coming honestly lol. You can only go outside and lay on the concrete driveway for seven hours so many times before you realize you might not be all the way there bgkafmowe
Wanted to thank y’all for your interaction, your asks, the tags and reblogs, and your support in general. It’s been lots and lots of fun and I hope you continue to have fun and have lots of good days. If anyone who knows me (i.e. mutuals, friends, buddies) needs me in servers feel free to @ me (my replies might be slow) or dm me personally <3 Responses to DM’s on tumblr will be slow. Please don’t DM me if we’ve never spoken before unless it’s important, thanks.
Guess I’ll see you around o7
Until… later. Yeah. Until later y’alls *waves* bye!!
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