#also i feel like i dont draw dan enough

[verianal]

Spider Phil :3.. (also guys wow look I drew a background)

this is inspired by/for my friend @krunktrunk !!!

#hes a lil beat up but thats ok <3 #also i feel like i dont draw dan enough #so drop some requests for dan art !! #dan and phil #dnp #dap #dnpg #dapg #dan and phil games #dan and phil art #dan and phil fanart #pov #Phil is just a gal #amazing phil #daniel howell #phil lester #dan howell #im gonna #spiderphil lolz #phanart #phandom #dip and pip #2009 era #2009 phil #spiderman au #spiderman #dnp au #au

[justsomeoneintoomanyfandoms]

Hi hi!! May i please request a romantic genshin and hsr matchup? I prefer to be matched with a guy <3

My pronouns are she/her and Im a girl. im 4'10 (i havent grown since i was 12 so uhm😭😭😭) My MBTI is INTP, 4w5. My friends describe my personality to be cat-like. i bite people i like for example on their arm, cheek, neck etc etc. i like knocking things over, being affectionate, and am sleepy. (this is super ironic because my name is Faline and it means feline/cat-like!!) i like getting into trouble in and out of school (i may or may not be banned from a few places ahaaaa-) i can be stupid and reckless uhmmm.. im definetly not smart. My mood changes very, very quickly. i can go from 0-100 real quick. i am not afraid to say what i want. Im quite loud around the people i like and dont like affection from people im not close with.

My aesthetic is best described as the downtown girl aesthetic. My hair is basicaly like ochako urarakas from MHA soo theres that. i have brown eyes and my skin is a light brown. (we love growing up in an asian household and wanting to be whiter ahaaaa.. :( )

My favourite color is purple. i LOVE purple so much its such a pretty colour i could talk about it forever. i love drawing, photography, baking, watching anime and k-dramas, listenin to music and shopping!! im definetly more of a nighttime person and i love animals. animals over people anyday.

I don’t like school… I’m not a very good student and the best part of school is seeing my friends, for sure. i never pay attention in class and end up walking out the class, zoning out or drawing allover my notes or on the table. i skip classes alot too.

I think that’s all, thank you in advance!

Hi Faline! Thank you for your request! Sorry it took a while. I hope you like your matchups!

In Genshin Impact, I match you with...

Itto can appreciate your dislike for school. I don’t think he’s been to school a day in his life. Everything he knows has either been taught to him by Granny Oni or he’s learnt by himself.

Likes your catlike behaviour. He thinks it’s sweet, even if you do bite him sometimes. Just be warned, he will bite you back. He knows he has sharp teeth so he’ll never bite hard enough to hurt though.

Itto absolutely would watch k-drama with you! He would get so invested in the story and characters.

The height difference! Itto loves giving you piggybacks if that’s something you’re comfortable with. Especially if you’re at an event like a festival. He’ll lift you up so you can see over the crowd.

He would love eating anything you bake. He’s convinced your baking is the best in all of Teyvat. He’d love to help out sometimes but it’s up to you whether you want the company and the mess…

Please take photos of him. He’s oblivious half the time so you’d get really good candid shots. You might also be able to sell some of them to the news after he gets arrested for the third time in a month.

In Honkai Star Rail, I match you with...

Dan Heng doesn't know how to feel about your cat-like tendencies. On one hand, he finds them cute and endearing. They’re a part of who you are as a person and he wouldn’t change that for the world.

But when you knock something off his desk for the fourth time that day, he really wonders…

Okay, this guy absolutely sees gentle bites as a form of affection. He’ll return any bites you give him.

He’s so glad you like night time. He’s a night owl and stays up very light almost every night. He likes his own company but it’s night having someone else there with him when he’s reading late at night.

Because of his passion for the archives, Dan Heng will do his best to get you interested in learning. He can appreciate that school doesn’t always teach things in the best way.

But he’d be grateful if you spend some time with him learning about a variety of different topics.

#writing #fanfic #matchup #matchup request #request #genshin impact #arataki itto #honkai star rail #dan heng

[suppenzeit]

Day 1 of @freightappreciationweek !!! I... do not have energy to draw so I will simply share guys who I like :)

Andrew Simeon - he looks like SUCH a rascal. love this guy

Gordon Gesatzki - he is so weird <3 and he is also a big cb and i love that so much <33

Andrew Prosser - prosser my bestie my sweet catboy. he is so good i love him

Robert Pigott - i dont see enough love for him. look at him. hes just a funny little guy :)

Terence Uphoff - bee voted most likely to yell "EY IM WALKIN HERE"

Tom Nihill - i feel like you all know my opinions on him. anyway i wish bochum let him actually go on as bv </3

Jamie Sidhom - yes he went on like twice but he is pretty and sometimes that's enough

Kai Cameron-Jay - idk maybe it's the fact he's one of the few non-dan bvs ive seen, but i kinda like him. he was devious.

#stex #starlight express #freightappreciationweek2023 #freightweek2023

[paintingformike]

Bc, some people think those moments were meant to draw a contrast rather than a direct parallel.

People think that Will being in between Mike and El's scenes is not necessarily there to imply that Mike likes Will but rather is there to show Will's unrequited feelings, because Will was blurred whereas Robin was at the center of the scene where we watched her visibly being sad but Will was not sad, he was blurred in the background and when Mike and El have a forehead touch moment, he is entirely out of the picture.

Also, people do not exactly notice which music plays at which scenes. Only if they are interested in analyzing or searching, then they can find. Another example is, we know about the 'tender emotional music' because we focused on that and then made an analysis, but even then that wouldn't necessarily look like byler proof to the other parts of the audience, esp when that same music also plays for a melvin scene in one of the scenes where they talk.

It's also that Dan and Vickie broke up but Dan is just some random character, whereas El is a main character and we have been following Mike and El's relationship for seasons (that's how the audience thinks), and they gave Mike a huge monologue, whether or not we argue that it happened due to Will, it still happened. Even if Mike and El do not exactly talk, it does not look like a byler proof for some people but it rather looks like a casual relationship drama which will be resolved in S5 like Jonathan and Nancy's underaddressed situations.

I am saying this bc while I am a byler shipper and I think the narrative has a chance to make Byler fully canon, I also have many queer friends or in general friends who belong to GA, and I can also understand their points when they say that they do not see byler happening because majority of the proof that we have seem far-fetched, random or delusional to them.... or just not enough of proofs in general.

yes i literally just said i know people find it harder to believe in byler because main characters are involved in the love triangle whereas dan and vickie are side characters, and that’s as far as i’ll get their sentiments.

about all your other points, yeah i know that these are all reasons why people from the GA think most byler proofs are farfetched...but it doesnt mean their arguments are valid and understandable though lmao. the rovickie/byler parallels aren't even that hard to pick up on, and if it was only meant to contrast the two relationships then will being out of focus while robin isn’t wouldn’t be the ONLY thing different about their scenes cause everything else is pretty much identical to each other, mike and vickie even have similar conflicted expressions when they look at will and robin (and its ON THEM for not noticing that). also even if will is blurred out he still stands out the most cause he’s dead in the middle of mike and el’s faces and his figure immediately draws your attention (heck he was the first thing i noticed as a casual viewer while watching vol 2), which makes no sense for someone who’s supposed to be just “entirely out of the picture”...and about the monologue. something tells me its just double standards against a queer ship cause this isn’t exactly the first time a character seemingly professes their undying love for another character but still ends up with someone else 🤔

what im trying to say is yeah its true that they have all these reasons for not believing in byler endgame but at the end of the day...how am i just supposed to understand the points they have when they’re the ones who cant read into things that aren’t supposed to be very complicated when you have common sense, and i dont really think their thought process/reasonings are particularly strong anyway. also in this context...the rovickie/byler parallel is literally one of our least “random” byler proofs that just came out of thin air, its very much in your face so 😭 i guess i’d understand if you were talking about other more tiny background hints in relation to this topic but this one is pretty blatant...sorry for going into a tangent

#if i started sounding mean sorry anon im just tired of seeing these same arguments all the time #esp the one about the focus in the rovickie scene vs the mlvn reunion bc...its rlly not that hard to understand why they filmed it that way #all that aside...its on them for being narrow minded while watching the show and immediately dismissive of byler proof #byler

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Domestic Fluff Masterlist

Links Last Checked: February 19th, 2024

After All These Years (ao3) - jestbee

Summary: They met her after tour. Martyn’s friend’s dog had puppies and Phil fell in love at first sight. Dan did too, but he’ll deny it if you ask.

Dan tries to keep his distance, because she’s Phil’s dog not his, but she isn’t having any of it.

Dip And Pip Domestic Fluff (ao3) - itsmyusualphannie (itsmyusualday)

Summary: Why do homework when you can write about two idiots being in love?

Forever Home (ao3) - possumdnp

Summary: Phil’s wanted a dog for as long as he can remember, and now that he and Dan are moving into their new house, it’s the perfect opportunity. But there’s just one problem: Phil’s allergic to dogs.

Irrational Fears (ao3) - PhandomPhreak

Summary: Phil gets a little afraid in the middle of the night, and who better to comfort him than his loving boyfriend, Dan?

Kisses Through The Years (ao3) - undertalednp

Summary: Phil wanted this forever. And so, forever is what he got.

Let's Be Alone Together (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: There are times when Dan and Phil feel so much like a married couple, that they forget they aren’t actually married. However, neither one of them are complaining about it. (Also known as the most domestic and fluffy fic I’ve ever written).

Look what I made the birthday boy (ao3) - phandemigods

Summary: Dan made a super sweet video for Phil's 30th birthday and they decide to post it. It's just a pile of domestic fluff

Man-Flu (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: Phil is sick, and doesn't want to spread it to Dan. Dan isn't concerned about that.

New Addition to the Family//Phan (ao3) - mani_txt

Summary: Dan and Phil get a dog. Finally.

Night of Glory (ao3) - developerdaniel

Summary: Dan eyed Phil up and down as the elder sat up, one leg on either side of Dan’s hips as he began to undo the younger’s jeans. There was no teasing tonight, no slow pull of the zipper or prolonged eye contact to draw out the moment. No, that was for later. Right now it was about being as close as possible as quickly as possible. ~*~*~ aka the fic where dan and phil celebrate after filming their show in LA by exploring each other like it's their first night together again.

Noted (ao3) - whisksandplungers

Summary: Dan liked to leave romantic notes for Phil. Most of the time, Phil loved them. And sometimes, Phil would be left staring at the note, absolutely clueless.

Inspired by all the headcanons arising from Dan's illegible handwriting in TABINOF.

Right Where We Are (ao3) - thatsmistertoyou

Summary: Dan’s feeling lonely between Christmas and New Year’s Eve, so Phil invites him to stay with his family for a few days.

santa is coming tonight, and i want a car, and i want a life (ao3) - reject_mikeyy

Summary: its christmas, and dan and phil are domestic and fluffy as always. they dont want to go out, cosy bath cuddling ensues. basically just tooth rotting christmas fluff.

sparks (ao3) - howelllesters

Summary: Phil wants to go and see some fireworks with his boyfriend, okay? But his boyfriend is being stubborn about it.

Take a Break (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: Phil is too tired to function because of tour, so Dan takes care of him (despite also being quite tired).

The Way I See You - ineverhadmyinternetphase

Summary: Dan’s shocked when he realises that Phil’s self-conscious about the way he looks. Apparently Phil doesn’t know that he isn’t allowed to be sad when Dan’s around. So Dan takes it upon himself to fix the situation - by complimenting something about Phil’s appearance every day. Trouble is, Dan isn’t very good at hiding his teensy tiny crush on Phil.

They Were Forever (ao3) - developerdaniel

Summary: While keeping everything soft and sweet their kiss quickly grew into more as Dan's hands slid their way up Phil's loose tee, pushing it up while his explored his lover's soft skin. Phil let out a gentle gasp into the younger's mouth at the feeling. Dan's touches were soft, feather light, enough to send a shiver up Phil's spine and raise goosebumps where Dan's hands had once been. ~ aka the fic where dan and phil have a casual night at home that ends with them passionately making love

Trial and Error (ao3) - ineffabledaniel

Summary: 2009. Dan struggles a little with Hello Internet, queue cute and helpful boyfriend Phil helping Dan out. And of course, he's well loved by the whole internet.

#phanfictioncatalogue #phanfiction #phanfic #phan #masterlists #domestic #domestic masterlist #fluff #fluff masterlist

[palmett-hoes]

what's your take on the foxes mbti?

oh buddy ur never gonna believe this but i wrote a foxes MBTI post YEARS ago

im also not into mbti anymore and haven't been for many years so that post is probably still more accurate and in-depth than what i could give you now. i’m just gonna copy the whole thing but i read it over and it still totally vibes w how i understand the characters, like way more than i was expecting it to. i only made one edit (it’s marked) and it was to add a detail not change anything

i hope you’re really really into mbti otherwise this’ll probably be gobbeldegook

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i used to be obessively into mbti so here’s an analysis based on cognitive functions mostly.

SKIP IF YOU WANT. for anyone with no idea how it works, here’s a quick rundown: cognitive functions are about the way people think, process, and prioritize information, not necessarily how they act, though people who think the same way often act the same. the 8 letters that make up a type represent how people process and prioritize internal and external stimuli. every letter actually has an ‘internal’ and 'external’ form so there’s Thinking (internal(ti) and external(te)), Feeling (internal(fi) and external(fe)), Sensing (internal(si) and external(se)), and iNtuition(internal(ni) and external(ne)) t’s always go with a corresponding and opposite f (like ti and fe always go together), same with s’s and n’s (ex: si and ne always go together). a set of  t, f, s, and n in a specific order makes an mbti type.

neil: intp (ti ne si fe)

neil has incredible analytical ability although it’s very programmed for survival but he’s also a fast thinker and very quick to adapt to new environments. he also approaches things from original angles that other people dont consider, all that sounds like high ti/ne. the lower functions fit well too. in times of stress, he returns to old habits and falls back on what’s familiar, that’s classic low si. his emotions are also very exterior. he’s bad with other people from lack of exposure, but he’s committed to harmony between those close to him and has an impeccable ability to read the emotional states of others while being completely oblivious of his own, and his sense of self is tied to exterior things like exy, friends, keys, and legal documents (lol) that’s fe

andrew: intj (ni te fi se)

ni is really hard to describe but it has to do with being able to draw conclusions from scattered input, which fits with andrew’s uncanny ability to spot lies and obsession with finding out the truth, especially with high te, which is about spatial order and logic, think of how prioritized he is with the physical order of things: who sits where, who wears what, etc. a lot of people want to make andrew infj i bet as like a “subversive reading” but he’s definitely not. i used to be really close to an infj and they have hyper-empathy, as in she would describe not just caring about other people and being able to read their emotional states but literally feeling the things the people around her felt. this is a common result of the ni/fe combo, and the reason why andrew is definitely not infj. tertiary fi fits very well instead because andrew is deeply attuned to his own inner emotional state. he’s self-confident and doesn’t care about other people’s perception of him, but he’s also very concerned with his own feelings and understanding them, even if they’re repressed. he’s also very aware of his physical surroundings, which plays into his deductive ability, although it’s not his focus. that’s low se

kevin: estj (te si ne fi)

kevin is a classic estj. he’s controlling, demanding, and driven. he tries to control the actions of those around him and gets very distressed when things dont run smoothly, as well as having strong feelings about improving efficiency. high te people make great managers. kevin’s whole story arc is about breaking old habits, which is a very si problem. it has to do with trusting and craving memory and familiarity, and explains kevins need for endless repetition. he’s innovative, though, coming up with new strategies and drills (ne), it’s just based on what’s already familiar, and you can see him spiral into creating all possible worst-case scenarios when he’s stressed (low ne stress reaction, they like to be prepared). finally, he’s a dick, but he cares about other people and wants to improve their lives, as well as being very reliant on other people’s perceptions of him to define his own self-image (low fe)

dan: esfj (fe si ne ti)

dan’s top priority, over everything else, is her team. she wants her team to improve, she wants her team to win, she wants her team to work together. it’s all about the collective. we also see that she’s very open with others and makes a lot of effort to both make new ties and maintain old ones, that’s high fe. she’s sentimental and attached to the past too (si)  esp the photo wall, but we also see her very unwilling to let go of the past ie the monsters but eventually willing to change and grow to mend team cohesion (ne). we also see the fight in underlying logic (low ti) with her: she knows the team needs the monsters to cooperate but she cant figure out how to do it

matt: enfj (fe ni se ti)

so enfj’s experience infj hyper-empathy too, but to a slightly lesser extent (primary fe is more group cohesion, secondary fe is more understanding others), and through this we see matt’s easy-going open friendliness and ability to befriend even prickly little neil, because he has an extremely good sense of what other people are feeling and need, it also explains why he doesn’t hold a grudge against the cousins in the same way dan does, because he understands where they were coming from. se is associated with a general boisterousness for life, as it’s about experiencing the world around you, which explains matt’s happy-go-lucky disposition and puppydog behavior. the ti aspects mostly go into supporting fe/ni empathic senses

allison: entj (te ni se fi)

i mean, allison’s controlling, both in that she orders other people around and in that her physical being and space are very planned and organized (her clothes, her hair, her makeup, etc) but at the same time there isn’t much sentimentality to her, like how she doesn’t care when her car was destroyed. she easily replaces things because she cares about the object’s purpose, not its history and that all smacks of high te/ni. and i mean, the se definitely contributes to her love of designer things and killer looks, because she cares about the world immediately around her, and why live if not in luxury? and fi? is there any character more aggressively self-confident than allison reynolds?? going against her parents’ wishes for her takes a really strong, independent sense of self, but we also see the problems that can come from not worrying about other people, in how she starts fights and can be abrasive and catty

renee: infp (fi ne si te)

okay this one was really hard tbh. a list of other considerations: isfp, istp, and infj. it’s very easy to read renee as high fe because she’s kind, but i think it’s a mischaracteration of why she’s kind. it’s not because it comes naturally to her, it’s because it’s a conscious choice that makes her feel better about herself. high fi people often read as fe because they’re so comfortable with themselves and in tune with their own needs that they can then go and provide for others. i associate her religion with ne, because contemplation and acceptance of the divine later in life is a very metaphysical undertaking that undoubtedly requires a lot of abstract thought. renee’s storyline also revolves a lot around using things from her past and putting a conscious effort into leaving things from her past behind (how she still uses the skills she learned from her past in new ways ie sparring with andrew and protecting the upperclassmen v/s how she held on to her knives even when she knew it was detrimental to her moving on) this sounds like si. her protective instincts also feed into the te need for order, but it’s a looser leash than say andrew, as it’s lower on her function stack but still present

nicky: esfp (se fi te ni)

godd nicky is like a prototypical esfp. i mean nicholas “sex, drugs, and parties” hemmick cant be anything but se dominant. nicky is all about living it up and living in the moment. like he’s sporadic and ive seen it lead people to think he could be enfp but he doesn’t think enough about the meaning of things to be ne dominant (like how he makes somewhat predatory jokes and such, he’s all about the here-and-now while ne is about the past and future simultaneously). also he of all characters has incredibly prominent fi, as his whole character is about living unashamedly as himself as a gay man and the immense self-awareness and inner strength it takes not only to come out to unaccepting parents but also to leave and start a new life when they rejected him. however, fi is also indicative of his communication problems with his family, as he’s unable to tell that the cousins are fundamentally different from him in their needs and boundaries, leading him to pushing them, making them uncomfortable, and being unable to help them, because he’s unable to understand them. the rest are much more hidden, but a party boy shopaholic like nicky would probably need some amount of te order in like an organized chaos fashion (and he’s often headcanoned as liking to throw parties) and you do see him become somewhat pushy, even controlling in those scenarios. ni is the hardest but could maybe be seen in how he’s attuned to the cousins reactions for all that he cant predict them/doesn’t do anything on his own part to prevent them (the way he handles andrew is like if someone poked a rattlesnake knowing damn well what it would do and then freaked out when he got bit)

aaron: istj (si te fi ne)

im a little iffy on this one and worry it might be an analysis based on his trauma instead of complimentary to it, but aaron’s arc is about breaking out of his habit of holding on to the past. he refuses to work towards moving on from his mother’s death, refuses to listen to things that contradict his preconceived notions, and refuses to make changes in his life that could improve it. that’s unhealthy si. he’s really a very unhealthy istj, and most of his traits manifest through his unhappiness with his life. take his te. that would imply that he needs control over his surroundings, but aaron is incredibly bitter and unhappy BECAUSE he doesn’t have control of his surroundings. he doesn’t get to make his own choices, he doesn’t get to control his space, and he hates it. his relationship with katelyn is also indicative of being an istj. it’s stable, not a passionate fling, but aaron is mocked for wanting that white picket fence, married with kids in the suburbs kind of life, and his relationship, which is his primary source of happiness, is built on stability, which is a very si thing to do. in terms of fi, it is aaron that ultimately forces change between himself and andrew. he may have been pushed but he ultimately came down to him knowing what made him happy and what made him miserable and acting on that. also, he’s an ornery asshole who clearly doesn’t care what other people think of him. fi. i dont really have anything to say in terms of ne, probably because he’s so unhealthy but also because he’s not too explored. heyy istj’s make great doctors

wymack: isfj (si fe ti ne)

okay this one was genuinely the hardest to decide on but ultimately i came to the conclusion that wymack, much like renee, is such a developed person that he loses many defining traits of the functions, and can be read in many different ways. so: wymack’s primary goal is the safety and betterment of other people (ie his team). he wants to help people overcome their pasts, which is a very atypical approach to si, but is si nonetheless. on a personal level, too, he’s never able to move on from people, and specifically never moved on from kayleigh,  continuing their shared dream of an exy team for abused kids long after her death. as ive said before, fe in a secondary position is about deep understanding of other people, and wymack’s ability to understand what other people are struggling through is legendary. the ti mostly serves as support to the fe, serving as the analytical backup in allowing him to understand others. as for ne: he is most definitely an innovator with unusual ideas, or the foxes wouldn’t exist

riko: estp (se ti fe ni)

riko is basically what happens when an estp goes bad down to the core. he’s obsessed with personal glory and immediate self-fulfillment (se) he has no impulse control or fear of consequences. interestingly, high se is often associated with athleticism, because high se people are intensly focused on their surroundings (exy). his ti is also super unhealthy as he gets obsessed with ideas that dont really work with objective reality, like his obsession with ownership and power dynamics despite them not actually being efficient, even backwards. the tertiary fe he uses to manipulate. he doesn’t empathize with others, but he can tell their emotional state and what’s important to them, and uses it to coerce them and destroy their sense of self, like how he knew he could get neil to the nest by threatening andrew. EDIT: /additionally, fe people especially in the lower half of the function stack tend to derive their sense of self from the perceptions of others around them, which riko very much shows in how he needs to be acknowledged as the best and won’t allow any competition for his title, as well as his desperation for acknowledgement from his family/. finally, that ni allowed him to keep multiple plans in place focused on one ultimate goal: getting kevin back. the sheer amount of schemes he sets up in order to fool and push people the way he wants is honestly kinda impressive, but he’s a toxic shithead and im glad he’s rotting. definitely not representative of all estp’s

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this is honestly SO funny to read back a few years later bc HOOOOO boy was i way too into this stuff. and this was written a couple years after my Peak MBTI Obsession, which was honestly scary

#txt #the foxes #dan wilds #kevin day #andrew minyard #matt boyd #aaron minyard #allison reynolds #nicky hemmick #renee walker #neil josten #wymack #riko moriyama #my posts #im talkin #ask #anon #anonymous

[zmayadw]

And the next one as promised :)

CALL OF THE RAVEN

PART 6

The day i got released form hospital finaly came. I was happy about it, taking a breath of fresh air will be a welcoming change after over three weeks in here. Some bruises wer still visable, and my head hurted from time to time, but other then that the doctor gave me a green light. And having too much free time makes your toughts wonder in wrong direction too much. Thinking about Jake was my daily routine, and i hoped once i get out other things will get me occupied. Jessy wanted me to stay with her, but i managed to persuade her that i'd be better of at the motel. She reluclantly agreed, but I argued that i would still be resting most of the time, and promised her we will see eachother every day, wich made her respect my decision a bit more. She called me that moring, telling Dan will come and drive me to the motel, because she was bussy planing a surprise for me. „Oh, Jessy, pleas dont go overboard, it is my first day out, i wont be up for much.“ I protested, but she quickly reasured me its nothing big. Knowing Jessy, i was sceptical about it, but she sounded so happy that i just agreed to whatever she had in plan. I was about done packing, when Doris came bringing me my dischrage papers. She gave them to me, embracing me in a tight hug „You be good now, hun. And remember what i told you before.“ She said, giving me one more of her winks. „Thank you, Doris.“ I replied, handig her a chocholate bombonier i asked Jessy to get me. „For everything.“ I hugged her once more. „No need to thank me, hun.“  „Ahh, Doris, im jelaous, i didnt get a hug from you when i was leaving the hospital.“ It was Dan, being dramatic again. I laughed, as Doris went for the door „Schmacks dont deserve hugs!“ she grinned at him, and left. „She likes me...she just wont admit it.“ Dan said, grining. „So,you ready to leave this shithole?“ „Definatly!“ i said, taking my discharge papers and putting them in my pack. Dan took it from me, and we left the room, taking the elevator down. Stepping outside was so refreshing, i stopped at the exit for a brief moment, wich made Dan turn „You allrigh there?“ „Im good, just appriciate being outside again.“ I smiled. We continued to the car. Dan opened the door for me, putted my stuff on the back seat, and we drove towards motel. I rolled the window down letting the cool morning air blow to my face and through my hair. The drive wouldnt last that long, and Dan informed me that Jessy booked the room for me already and took the rest of my stuff there, and my car also waiting for me at the motels parking. „Dan, whats Jessy planing for me today?“ i asked. „Oh, no,no, im keeping my mouth shut!“ he replied, but i groaned at him pleading „Please, Dan, at least give me a hint. I just got out of hospital, and to be honest, im not up for big fanfaras, but i dont want to dissapoint Jessy either. And lets be honest, its Jessy wer talking about here, nothing is small or meaningless with her.“ He laughed at that „Your right about that! Alright, ill tell you, but if she realize you knew something..“ „Dont worry, i can act being genuinely surprised with no problem.“ I asured him. „Well, its nothing much, rellay. We're taking you for dinner.“ he said. Ok, thats not so bad, i tought, i do have to eat. „And she invited the gang to Aurora this evening, to celebrate your release from hospital.“ Ugh, i hoped that wouldnt happen so soon, that i would at least have a day or so for me before seeing everyone. „Ah, crap, i guess it was bound to happen sooner or later.“ I said, adding „Later would be better, tho.“ „Dont worry, Maya, ill be there to rescue you, AGAIN.“ He grinned at me, and i grinned back „Good, because i just might need some rescuing, again.“

Dan left me at the motel, and i entered the small checkin office. The woman behind the counter was eldery, and she smiled at me „Good morning, miss, what can i do for you?“. „Morning'“ i replied, smiling back „I had a room booked for me by a friend, i guess you know her, Jessica Hawkins?“. She smiled more now „Ah, ofcourse, miss Cole i presume?“ i nooded in agreement. „Yes, Jessica brought all your belongings already. I would just ask for you to fill this, please.“ She handed me that check in paper you get at every motel. I filled it, and she gave me the key.“You're at room 11, its on your right once you leave the office. And i'm Ms. Walter, fell free to ask if you need anything.“ „Thanks, i will.“ I replied, taking the key.

The room looked cozy enough. It had a big bed, with a little nightstand next to it with a lamp on it. There was a midium size table in front of a big window, wich i immidiatly felt greatefull for, since some natural light is what i prefere for my drawing work, and a closet next to it. Across from the bed was a  TV, and a little refrigeratore under it. The bathroom was small, wich is more then enough. I left my stuff on the bed, when i noticed a note on the nightstand. 'The car key is in the nightstand drawer. Get some rest, and see you later! Xoxo' It was from Jessy, and that made me smile. I took the key and went to the car to get the rest of my stuff. The day was nice and sunny, and i tought i souldnt spend the whole day in the motel. I went back to the room, unpacked, grabed some clean clothes and went for a shower. When i got dressed i sat at te table and turned my laptop on. I checked my mails, and some job offers. Its good when you're a freelancer, you can work from anywhere, and I actually felt some work might keep me occupied and not let my mind wonder to Jake.  The tought of him leaving my hospital room  two weeks ago still pained me, but i cant sit here and despair all the time, so i decided to grab my drawing stuff and head exploring. I hoped Jessy wouldt mind me going to town alone, she did promise me a grand tour of it once im out of the hospital. I took my phone and texted her „Hey hey, setteled at the motel. Going for a walk arround, but dont worry, im still looking forward for my tour arround Duskwood with you! xoxo“. She replied soon „Oh, nice, have fun! Just stay out of woods! xD See you for dinner J „. Great, now i could leave without feeling any guilt. I grabbed my backpack and left the motel.

I decidet to walk towards the marketplace, i had plenty of time since it wasnt even noon yet, and Jessy and Dan wont pick me up before 19. I passed a small bakery on my way there, and bought me some food and a bottle of water. The streets leading towards marketplace wer small and narrow, mostly with older buildings and pretty quiet. After some 30-40 minutes of slow walk,  i emerged to the marketplace, and it was comepletly different. The crowd thickened, and the place hummed with life. In the center was a nice funtain, with benches in circle arround it. Few wer occupied with people: one had an eldery couple, just sitting there on the sun and talking, on the other wer two mothers, drinking coffee while kids wer running arround, giggling and enjoying a nice day. I sat on one of the free benches, and took my drawing pad out. The warmth of the sun felt nice, and i began drawing. I can get quite zoomed out of my surroundings when drawing, so when i finaly noticed someone was standing in front of me, i jumped, and my penciles flew all over the floor. I started to stan up from the bench, at the same time that someone started to bend down to help pick them up,our heads coliding. That sent me sitting back on the banch, as both of us groaned from the impact. „Auch.“ I flinched, looking at the person stnding there. It was Jake. „Sorry, i didnt mean to sneak up on you.“ he said, still rubbing his forehead. „No, no, its fine, i was really focused, i didnt see you there.“ I barely managed to say, my voice shakey, clumsely picking my penciles from the floor.He was the last person i expected to run into. I really wasnt ready for this, the knot in my stomach starting to form, as i finaly collected all the penciles and sat back on the bench. I knew we wer gonna run at each other eventualy, but not so soon. He sat next to me, and i could notice by his body language he was a bit nervouse, too. „You look better.“ he said after a moment of silence, giving me a small smile, wich made my heart skip from joy. „Thanks, i feel much better,too.“ I replied, smiling back. He was looking at me so tenderly, and the heat from the sun made me so hot, i had a feeling my cheeks wer red as a lobster. He run his hand through his hair, and all i could think is how much i wanna do that. His look became more serious now, his eyes becoming darker, but that tenderness was still present. „Maya..“ he started „That day at the hospital.. I didnt..I'm sorry..“ but i interupted him. „No need to appologise, Jake, really.“ And he really didnt have to. I continued, before he could say anything else. „Look, its like this: you had every right to act like you did, and even tho it wasnt easy for me to hear you say those stuff, you wer right, in a way.“ He looked me a bit confused. „You wer probably right, I didnt think quite hard about every possible thing that could go wrong, and God knows i had more luck then im willing to admit. But thats just who i am: i act, i go with the flow, i make mistakes. And i appologise when I realize I was wrong, wich I would do to you if you just stayed for a while more. And i mean appologise for not telling you, or anyone about my plan, not for what i did at the end, hence me saying that you wer right in a way.“ I looked at him, he was still calm, not a trace of that anger i saw at the hospital anywhere on his face. That made me relax a bit. „Maya, just let me...“ he started again, but i interputed him once more „Please, Jake, just let me finish, then you can say whatever you wnat.“ He nodded in agreement. „ I know saying 'sorry' at that time seemed so pointless, but you have to know that i really am sorry, Jake, a thousand times sorry. Yet, i still stand by what i said, i would do it all over again, no matter the qonsequences.“ I paused for a moment, before i continued „I really hope you can forgive me. I got so used at having you in my life, and for it to end here and now...“ He looked at me, but i couldnt bring myself to look back at him. I just stared at my hands, not realizing this whole time i was clasping them so tightly. „I hope you wont shut me out of your life comepletly.“ We sat there in silence for what seemed like eternity. I got my courage and looked at him. He was staring in the distance now. „I felt helpless.“ he said, looking back at me now. „It got me...scared.“ he confessed, and i ached to just hug him. I could see this was being hard for him, saying it. „I've had that happen once before in my life, and it didnt end well.“ His eyes became so sad. „I'm not sure im ready to go through it again.“ That knot at my stomach tightened as he said it, but i took a deep breath „I understand. I'v let you down, i know. But i hope with time, you will be able to trust me again..let me be your friend, at least.“ Friend...that word felt so wrong to me. I didnt want to be just his 'friend', i wanted to be more, so much more. But, i guess at the moment i would be happy with anything. He stared at me for a moment, and before he said it, a smile formed at the corner of his lips „One step at the time.“ „Thats all im asking.“ I said, smiling shyly. He sat there in silence for a brief moment before slowely getting up. „You're good, by the way.“ He said, and i looked at him puzzeled, wich made him smile. He had such a sincere and wonderfull smile. „Your drawing, its good.“ He continued, pointing at my drawing pad. „Oh, that, thanks!“ i replied. „I better be good, i doubt i'll get paid otherwise .“ i grinned. He shook his head at me smiling, walking slowely away from the bench „See you arround, Maya.“ „See you, Jake.“ Watching him walk away this time didnt leave me in pain and agony. I felt hope again. Maybe Doris and Jessy weren't talking nonsence, afterall, I tought, not realising i was grinning like crazy.

After Jake left, i just sat there, letting my heart stop beating insanely. I was really happy for how our unexpected meeting went, i tought there really was some hope for us again. Oh man, Jessy will go crazy when i tell her all about it, she will so rub me her ' i told you so's' in the face! That got me laughing out loud, a few passerbys looking at me like i was crazy. And they wer right, i was crazy! Crazy for Jake. Everything about him drow me crazy: his gorgeous eyes, that ruffeled hair, and that beautifull smile. He shoud definatly smile more, i tought, his whole face smiles when he does it. The churchbell chimmed five , and i cursed under my breath. I better head back to the motel, i need another shower for sure. I quickly grabbed my stuff from the bench, deciding to grab coffee before headiding back. My toughts wer still running wild about Jake as i was walking back towards motel, i colided with a man. I almost dropped my coffe, quickly appologizing. „Be carefull there, miss, you never know who you might bump into.“  He said, a bit grim, like he was makeing a threath. I looked at him a bit astonished „Uhm, i will mister, thanks for your advice. And, sorry again!“ I slowly turned and continued my way. Strange guy i tought, but didnt pay any more toughts about it continuing back to the motel.

#duskwood #duskwood mc #duskwood jake #duskwood fanfic

[revolutionary-demosthenes]

Louis de Manoël de Végobre (Pt. 1/2)

Essay 11

Louis de Manoël de Végobre. A friend (or more?) of John Laurens and Francis Kinloch, a lawyer, a scientist. I wanted to learn more about him after I reblogged that last quote, and found some interesting things so I figured I’d share them with you!

Keep in mind: I'm still doing research and finding new things about De Végobre... only it all has to be (google) translated because most of the writings on him are in French. So keep in mind the margin of translation errors while reading this. This first one will just talk about De Végobre’s life in general, and in the next one I’ll talk more about his sexuality and relationships. 

Louis de Manoël de Végobre was born on November 12, 1752, to Charles de Manoel de Vegobre and Louise de Vignolles-de-La-Valette. I assume he was probably named after his mother. He had several siblings, but sadly (as with John Laurens) some of them died very young.

I was unable to find much more about his childhood, so fast forward to 1774. 

De Végobre was a friend of the Chauvets, a family in Francis Kinloch and John Laurens’s social circle in Geneva in 1774. He taught Laurens math, and they became good friends. After Laurens left for England, De Végobre kept up a correspondence with him... one that was obviously not completely reciprocated, as this is what Végobre said in the beginning of a letter to John Laurens on February 18, 1775:

“Sir,

There is the second; shall a third be? I dont know, but you know. When I have wrote [&] sent an epistle, I am always imagining the history of it; I long to see it [illegible], arriving, read, and answered; I Keep in my memory its date, I calculate the time of its arrival, and I impatiently expect the time of receiving an answer. This longed for answer arrives at length; then I am contented, and beginning another letter I prepare myself for enjoying still such a pleasure. But—if no answer… What must I think? I am concerned, sometimes a little angry. How does my friend do? Is he sick, absent, or idle in answering? Suspense is a hard thing.

I have wrote to you on the 24th of December, you have not yet answered. If you are guilty of negligence, pray do not aggravate your fault by a longer delay. Fault, I say; indeed I think it to be a fault to let pass over a great time without answering the letter of one who deserved answer. There is the end of my chiding, and I hope my thanks will soon began: I mean, that my second stroke shall get me an answer. Indeed, I would be sorry if your continued silence would hinder me from setting pen to paper a third letter.”

“Suspense is a hard thing.” Pull those heartstrings, Louis!

“I would be sorry if your continued silence would hinder me from setting pen to paper for a third letter.” This is so hilarious and sarcastic. Like, “I would be so sorry, John, if I didn’t write you again because you DON’T EVER WRITE BACK... that would be really sad, John.” 

At the end of this same letter, De Végobre also mentions, “Kinloch will not write to you, as he says, being a little angry with you because you dont answer his letter…” So basically, it seems these three were very close in Geneva, but Laurens didn’t write to Kinloch and De Végobre nearly as much as they wanted. And they let him know this was the case. Some possible explanations for this:

Laurens was busy. Studying law.

Laurens being jealous and it being painful for him to remember Geneva and his friends there. This one is more speculative, but since Laurens didn’t want to leave Geneva, and seemed very happy there, it’s possible that the letters Kinloch and De Végobre sent made Laurens feel jealous that he wasn't in Geneva with them. 

Maybe Laurens was just “idle in answering.” This was not unusual for him.

Anyway. For age reference here, in 1776 De Végobre would’ve been around 24, and Kinloch 21.

De Végobre finished learning law around this time, and became a lawyer. 

After Laurens left for London, a young man (aged 18) came to Geneva, and his name was Gabriel Manigault. He and Végobre became friends, and according to Evolution of a Federalist, William Loughton Smith of Charlestown (1758-1812) by George C. Rogers, jr:

“De Vegobre in a letter of June 7, 1776, after thanking Laurens for ‘the pretty Swift,’ told of being charmed with Manigault, whom he taught geometry and who taught him French and English belles-lettres. They often walked together and on Saturday evenings would visit Kinloch, who lived one league in the country and there they might stay until Sunday or even Monday."

In some ways it seems here that Gabriel replaced Laurens. He was a new student of De Végobre’s, who also was teaching De Végobre English, something Laurens did as well. De Végobre wrote Laurens on Dec. 24 1774, “For (putting aside all friendship) you have been my first teacher in English tongue, at every progress I made in this language, at every delight (and many are) I always remember that I am obliged to you for that...”

Gabriel was also a friend of Kinloch’s, it appears, since he and De Végobre were apparently staying multiple days with him regularly. 

However, the trail on De Végobre runs pretty cold after 1776. He eventually came back to Geneva in 1784. According to the book La France protestante: ou, Vies des protestants français qui se sont fait un nom dans l'histoire depuis les premiers temps de la réformation jusqu'à la reconnaissance du principe de la liberté des cultes par l'Assemblée nationale; ouvrage précéde d'une notice historique sur le protestantisme en France, suivi de pièces justificatives, et rédigé sur des documents en grand partie inédits, Volumes 7-8 by Eugene and Émile Haag*, “[De Végobre] was appointed secretary of the first appellations then lord of the commands of Peney and Champagne; but political events stripped him both of his place and his fortune.”

There’s also a possible letter from him to Laurens from 1781, but I think it’s in a private archive.

De Végobre left Geneva for unclear reasons. (La France Protestante Vol. 7-8 by Eugene and Emile Haag simply says “Domestic affairs, then political circumstances kept him away from Geneva for several years, where he did not return until 1784.”) The political circumstances, however, may have been the Genevan Revolution.

“In 1814 Geneva having recovered its independence, de Végobre became a member of the Representative Council, where he sat until 1833 and where he displayed great activity. In 1815 he was appointed judge of the Supreme Court, and he held the office until in 1826, when, believing that his strength was declining, he resigned.” (from La France Protestante, Vol. 7-8 by Eugene and Émile Haag.)

De Végobre was interested in science, particularly physics. He was knowledgable enough that he even filled in for a sick science professor Marc-Auguste Pictet once!

De Végobre did not have many published works. There’s one called Discours pour servir d'introduction à un ouvrage posthume de François-André Naville, ci-devant conseiller d'Etat de la République de Genève, and another titled Sur le jury dans les procès criminels.

As for De Végobre’s personality, he seems to have been a pretty affectionate friend and generous as well. A man who knew De Végobre said that it was “by his amiable and serene character that he shone; neither sad trials, nor the age which often makes selfish and morose, did not alter in him this benevolence, this warmth of heart which made him so precious to his friends.”**

De Végobre never married. Again quoting La France Protestante, Vol 7-8 by Eugene and Émile Haag, “He [De Végobre] lived with his sister Anne Charlotte, who died Sept. 28, 1840 [...] This young lady also left fond memories. Although her fortune was small, her charity was inexhaustible. She was one of the founders of the Asile des orphelines de Genève, an establishment which until its last day was the object of her constant care.”

The “founding an orphanage” draws some Eliza Hamilton parallels. 

Louis de Manoël de Végobre died in 1840, at around 88 years old.

*all the quotes from this book were google translated from French, and because of the long title, in the rest of this post I just refer to this book as “La France Protestante, Vol. 7-8.”

**google translated from French 

#essay #Louis Manoel de vegobre #Francis Kinloch #John Laurens #quotes #books #Geneva good times #frev #geneva #Charles Manoel de vegobre #anne charlotte vegobre #eliza hamilton #Louis de Manoel de Végobre #la france protestante #was very helpful #it was the only place I actually found a real biography instead of vague mentions

[ughgclden]

bee, love, don’t apologise, please, it’s okay, and first and foremost, are you alright?? i hope you’re taking care of yourself, love, but i understand, i don’t think there’s been a year since third grade that i haven’t gotten pneumonia in the winter. I hope you’re feeling alright!!

honestly, dead poets society is one of my only personality traits anymore, i find myself drawing parallels to it constantly, for no reason but i love thinking about it. i’ve watched it so many times at this point, it’s,,, concerning. those tests always take me way less time than they give me, and i used to feel really awkward, i remember i took a bio one once, four hours they gave me, 45 minutes in, i was finished, and the moderator didn’t believe me. i aced it too, like the silly little neil kinnie i am. i’ve gotten used to the ‘worse’ side of being a neil kinnie, and honestly, now that my mum isn’t as controlling about everything as she used to be, it’s easier to deal with. i remember once, i’d gotten an 89 in algebra, and she threatened to pull me out of the fall show. that was a neil perry moment if i ever had one lol. the biggest thing these days is just imposter syndrome, imposter syndrome like oh you’re not hispanic enough, but also, you’re not queer enough, nonbinary enough, things like that. It’s exacerbated some days, but i try.

i watched the it movies on my cousin’s hbo,,, i may or may not have used it without her permission since she forgot to log out of my computer, but that’s neither here nor there. i remember having such a hard time taking the first one seriously initially, because of all the new kids on the block jokes, having a mum who was obsessed with them made it hard, especially when i actually got them all- in truth, the only midnight premiere i’ve been able to make was the force awakens, and i had school the next day too. i’m definitely a richie kinnie, and i have the internalised homophobia (only towards myself though) to prove it /hj my waterbottle has both a sticker of neil on it and a sticker of the r + e carving on it. in case there was any doubt about me lmao. stan kin makes sense for you, honestly, i can see it, i can see it.

okay so listen- no really, i’d bought them with the intention of only drinking half of one that night and spreading them out like that, but then came 9:45pm, and i had a research paper (on womens’ pockets/lack thereof) due at 10am that i simply hadn’t even started, so i downed them all in an hour and got the paper turned in at 5:56 in the morning. but i scare you huh? /hj bee, you’re too sweet, in truth, i’m fairly inelegant, but i try, as for the comforting and cosy, i’ll take you at your word, since that is something only someone interacting with me could discern. i do try to be kind to others for the most part. mainly i think because i’m usually on the other end of mean people.

i’m just perceptive like that bee, i dunno what to tell you, something just tells me, you know? /j and thank you, i always feel a little silly talking about it, because most of the tattoos i want are dead poets society tattoos, i guess some part of me, within the part of me that feels so incredibly tied to it, feels as if if i were able to get a tattoo i’d owe it to the movie in some way, if that makes any sense. i’ve already begged a friend of mine to go with me to get my first once i get to new york, the question though, is what to get first. i’ve got time to make a decision (for once in my life) i just spend a lot of time thinking about it.

honestly, i have never known a school rule to make sense. banning ripped jeans? banning dyed hair? it’s almost as if if they don’t stifle everything natural about kids expressing themselves they dont feel like they’re doing anything. but i digress. the same-sex couple rules were. awful. 12 year old me had enough going on without having an administrator yell at my friend and i for hugging in the courtyard and not leaving until we were a foot apart, but hey.

okay, jumping over a fence to go to a mcdonalds? how coming of age indie movie manic pixie dream girl of you /hj

200k words, is that a challenge? also ahaha not at all like my italian uncle up there just opened a ‘pizzeria’ /hj but mob!star au? might be a project i should start… granted, i’m not as good a storyteller as you, but i can try.

when i was little, i wanted to revolutionise things, i guess. i even actually wrote out a campaign, i wonder if its still somewhere. thank you for believing in me, but these days, bee, i’m thinking less about changing the world, and more about making it the next few weeks, and then the ones after that. little star was aware of so much, but also so little. i wonder what they’d think of me now, honestly.

i did, in fact, teach archery, it was so fun but my arms got SO SORE, and the kid who challenged my archery skills seemed surprised when i actually,, hit the bullseyes. my inner susan was happy then. incidentally the experience is also why i made a playlist called “touchstarved and wanting to teach you to shoot a bow” which low-key slaps when i’m lonely. and bee omg i cannot believe you said im better than susan pevensie i will be thinking about this for the rest of my life thank you- and yes, yes it was named aslan, however did you guess? /j prince caspian<33333

i’ll let you know my results from the tournament, as soon as they come out, and i say this having just put on pjs after taking off my suit, and sitting in the room with my cat in my dear evan hansen hoodie, frantically refreshing the results page because i’m anxious and impatient.

i hope you have a good night, with fitful and restful sleep, i’m sorry this got to be so long, but you know me, i certainly can talk. i’m honestly shocked i even made it to finals, considering i was running off four hours of sleep, having gone to bed at three last night. whoops.

all my love, hugs, and a warm mug of tea,

yours,

star✨

p.s i said yes so that?? happened?? it honestly feels surreal but we’re not gonna be in the same place anymore come the end of this year, so that’ll be something to deal with

P.p.s might just start adding spanish or latin or russian phrases to these if i keep having to translate your cute french bee /lh /hj

star my love, i know you said don't apologise, but i think the word 'sorry' makes up about 60% of my vocabulary. i'm okay!! was just a bit icky, but luckily i've recovered now!!

that's so nice - and again, makes so much sense for you. i think you would work perfectly in welton, i know it. i love bringing the messages from that film into my own life, as silly as it may sound. i'm astonished, and so fucking jealous of you. i used to finish tests maybe half an hour early, but hours is so impressive??? fun fact i did finish my physics final in about 45 minutes and slept for the other hour <3 neil would b proud my love!!! oh my god - i'm so sorry that happened??? but that is also so neil kinnie??? it seems futile me saying this, but i assure you that you are hispanic enough, and queer enough, and non-binary enough. you are enough, period. more than enough even. imposter syndrome is the worst, and i'm so so sorry you're dealing with it.

she did that to herself, you just saw an opportunity /lh a midnight premiere of the force awakens sounds so cute though omg - i hope you had the absolute best time. the r + e carving actually broke me. as a die hard reddie shipper since 2017, seeing the movie make it basically canon?! had me a mess in the cinema.

you are ridiculously comforting and cosy, everything about you feels like a warm hug from a familiar face and i love it. and the way you write is so smooth, it makes me think of a quill smoothly gliding across parchment, the deep black ink unsmudged and pristine. that seems a little pretentious of me, but oh well.

i also want some dps tattoos!! i desperately want "and still we sleep" from todd's poem, and was also so so tempted to get an outline drawing of meeks + pitts dancing on the roof. i love that, and i can't wait until the day you get it, whichever one it may be. my one concern is becoming addicted to them and making my bank account suffer - at least my piercing obsession is a little easier to fund /hj

i've NEVER gotten that - they claim it's 'distracting' but how on earth would it be?? when i got to college, no one was distracted by my dyed hair, and i certainly wasn't distracted by other people's outfits or painted nails. you were yelled at. for hugging. a friend.. what the fuck is wrong with these people??

just call me ramona flowers star /j it was possibly the highlight of my school career, sans hiding in the back room of the music room to avoid a maths test

i bet you're an amazing storyteller, if these letters are anything to go by. it would be a new york times best seller, i know it

we all have to take things one step at a time, i think. that's the only way i really get through things if i'm honest. one day after another and the cycle repeats. i love wondering what young me would think of me now - i'd probably be intimidated of myself, but i like to think i'd be proud that i'm still here, pursuing something i love

that playlist. sounds nothing short of sheer perfection. i too am touch starved and want to teach someone to shoot a bow - even though i.. cannot shoot a bow... but i can wield a sword so, it's close enough.

i saw your message about the tournament results - im so fucking proud of you!!!! you deserve it so so much and i couldn't be happier for you. see, your words and ideas are changing the world, even if you don't realise it.

ps; that is so fun???? omg im so happy for you star, you deserve tis <33 i hope towards the end of this year whatever happens leaves you both happy, no matter how far the distance.

pps; omg no.. please don't do that.. aha that would be awful... definitely wouldn't make my heart race.. haha not at all

all of my love, star. pardon the pun, but you are out of this world ;) i'll leave you with one of my favourite quotes;

il n'y a qu'un bonheur dans la vie, c'est d'aimer et d'être aimé <3

#asks <3 #anon asks! #star anon #long post

[sugrx]

1, 16 and 24

1. what did you learn about yourself this year?

i’ve obv changed a little bit and definitely have COMPLETELY different interests this year,,,, like if my last year self saw me now they would be like ‘wtf is dream smp oh my god you got into minecraft again didn’t you i thought i had finally moved past this phase when i was 9 YEARS OLD WHAT ARE YOU DOING PUT DOWN THE PEN STOP MAKING MINECRAFT FANAR--”

also i think i’ve gotten a bit better grasp on my sexuality/gender?? (that's explained more in the next question) and i feel like my art has DARASTICALLY improved like look at my last year art look at it i didn’t even know how to make .png files if i saw my current art style last year i would CRY OF JOY 

but my artistic eye has rlly developed since then tho and even though if i could draw as well as i could this year last year i would be over the moon now i just,,,, i see things i really want to change?? and my inspiration artists are so much beTTER THEN mE?? how do i be as good as thEM??? MY ART BELONGS IN TR ASH??

i was rlly anxious this year about my writing bc i haven’t been doing it as often and i feel like i SHOULD bc art is just a hobby and my main aspiration is writing and literally i feel like i haven’t improved at all since last year literally i looked at a piece i wrote last year and i haven’t improved at all,,, i feel like in general my stories have gotten better but not my general writing abilities?? like,,, last year i had this one story i planned to write that i really liked but i’ve basically scrapped it now and i have like 3 different stories i have going that im in love with but haven’t touched in weeks bc i’ve been so distrACTED

my self-image has also become a little,,, less?? this year?? i think??? idk if its just been the general mood of this year bc it sucked for everybody but im definitely not as excited and confident as i was last year

16. did you learn anything about your sexuality this year?

yeS?? NO?? MAYBE??? YES???

i mean i was questioning last year and im still questioning this year but,,, i’ve kinda thought about it more?? last year i was like completely clueless but i think now i have a vague sense of direction?? somewhat??

ive only had one crush ever when i was in kindergarten and that's not a lot of information to go off but it was a boy so i know i like boys,,, but also at the same time?? i could imagine liking a girl?? but I've never actually had any romantic feelings towards a girl yet so im not going to officially label myself bisexual or pansexual or anything so im sticking to questioning until i've had more romantic experience bUT that’s still something

i’ve also thought about my gender a lil bit?? it’s not something i’ve been super concerned with up until now but idk i haven’t been,,, feeling good abt it?? bc im growing up and my body is getting more “feminine” and it’s been making me uncomfortable??? like not to the point where i absolutely despise my body but like,,, a vague sense of uncomfortableness whenever i look at myself without like 4565492834589 sweaters blocking the shape of my body LOL

like,,, i could imagine being a boy and sometimes i want to be a boy but at the same time,,, there’s some things i rlly like abt being a girl that i wouldn’t want to get rid of entirely?? is there a sexuality for being both a boy and girl???????? idk,,, i’ve been debating if im gender fluid, since sometimes i would prefer if i was a boy and other times i like being a girl,,, but i haven’t done enough research into it so im sticking to she/her pronouns for now, plus this is all kinda vague speculation

 so basically nothing’s changed with my gender/sexuality other then i’ve thought abt it more and have more of a vague concept of it

24. who has made the biggest impact in your life this year?

i feel like there hasn't rlly been a single person in particular who has affected my life this year? this year has definitely not been my best (probably one of my worst actually) not just bc of the pandemic but idk i felt like i was drifting away from my friends but couldn’t muster up the courage to do anything abt it??? but nearing the end of the year things have been getting somewhat better with that

i got tumblr this year and managed to become more active with some friends who i felt like i was loosing touch with (like luvu and dan!) and that definitely had a positive impact!! but i feel like if anything shows/fandoms/fictional universes made more impact on me this year then anything?? idk whenever i’m stressed i usually fallback on fictional media bc i love consuming storytelling content,,,, i probably focus more on other’s fictional worlds then my own LMAO 

my interests have shifted a lot this year but i feel like my comfort fictional characters and current favorite shows rlly helped me get through this year!

namely a few fandoms that have really made an impact were sander sides, dream smp, the owl house, etc..! i RLLY got into sander sides near the beginning of the year and rn near the end of the year im RLLY into dream smp (as you can tell) but even if i don’t post as obsessively about one fandom doesn’t mean i still don’t love it and it made a significant impact on my life!! i feel like every fictional universe i’ve been into has affected me just as a whole in some way and i’ve definitely subconsciously weaven aspects of them into my own stories! not to mention i’ve been rlly getting into some of my friend’s fictional universes lately and i have been DYING over them and they’re so underrated and inspire me so much!! namely the 4 queens story  (@luvuwite‘s), a NUMBER of @raventherobot‘s stories (im simp for vin’s story and also kayne and also EVERYBODYAJKSJKSJKADJK) and also i love @hypnoticcdan‘s oc viper and i dont know a lot about their story yet but i am LEARNING also horizon is baby we stan,,,,

[captainshyguy]

not to be a little melancholic but i've been thinking a bit about all the people that have come and gone in my general social circle like. not just irl, but online too. the close friends, who eventually left, and the ones on the outskirts, but were always there. at least, for a time. the people you never quite talked to, but were in your bubble, in your life, if just for a bit. the people who will only be icon, words on a screen to me. the people who will forever be 14 in my memories, because its all i have of them 

its just...its weird yknow? not even getting into social circles from school, friends you grew apart from, friends of friends of friends in your class that you had an odd connection with

but online its like. i’ve been in a few online communities in my time. the penguins of madagscar community on fanpop, one for the same fandom on deviantart, the agents of shield one here, then the maze runner, then star wars, then mario, then star wars again...i’d say ‘and hollow knight now’ but lets be honest, i haven’t made....many friends or even mutuals through it solely X]

i guess my point is like. all of these communities were different people. and over time, whilst i’ve generally stayed put (until i was physically the last one left, and jumped ship, like fanpop) people just. they left yknow? maybe it took a couple of months, maybe a couple of years, but they did, and its such an almost...odd thing to experience

im not saying people cant leave, not at all but it just made me think how many people i’ve known, how many i’ve been friends with, how many existed in my orbit. how many i only have pieces of. and i guess...how many people’s orbits i was in. the person i was in the past lives on through each and every one of then, and i have no idea what stuck. what’s their ‘luke’ memory, their takeway. heck, some of them wouldn't even have it by that name. 

one thing im glad about in a way is like. from each of the communities that like. meant something to me, i managed to grab a few people almost. a few that also dug their heels in, a few that are still in my orbit, however close or far, but they’re there. they’re posting actively or somewhat actively and i know where to find them. and thats nice 

it just makes me wonder sometimes yknow?? how many people currently in my circle, currently in my orbit, will eventually leave one day? who will stop posting, who’s icon i simply will never see again.

i do hope, with all my heart, that all the ones that i fell out of touch with are doing well 

(im musing about specific people under the read more, WILL get long kjdfhnd) 

from my primary/secondary school i dont have anyone exactly. the closest i have is one guy i was pretty fond of but not like. romantically. i follow his youtube and whilst i dont really watch the videos seeing his face pop up every now and again is nice. but man i do think back on those secondary school friends. funnily enough by the end whilst i liked my “official” best friends i honestly ended up more fond of others. sarah, priya, shriya, zarah, zi yu, kyle. danny, introducing me to treasure planet, hiding away with him and his friends to watch films in forgotten rooms when it was near the end of the year, then liam, of course, man..its weird he was my best friend in the first few years when i moved there, then we got put in different classes so we just didnt see eahc other much. but that fondness was always, always there. god, and jake....i wonder if he thinks back fondly to the two of us pretending to be transformers. i wonder if im still jazz to him. god, and then sophia, just, not even hanging out but having our little ‘hot buttered toast’ song. i hope thats the memory she has of me. (i haven’t even listed everyone from this part, and i couldnt! it was a 7-8 year period of my life! right during my brain developmental stages!!)

its weird i was in love with ryan for nearly three years. a lot of those memories are soured knowing one of my friends spread it around school and everyone secretly knew, (and looking back i was way out of his league like, morally lol) but still. maybe once or twice a year i’ll dream about him, and for a brief moment, im there, sitting with him in geography as he shows me magic tricks, during that period i do genuinely think he liked me too (before it wore off for him lol) and im still in love. 

from college, man....ewan was like. i have a feeling he was leading me on since he had a girlfriend lmao, and was just flirting for fun bc he saw i was shy and was trying to get me to react, but it never felt like bullying yknow? i dont think he was actively trying to make fun of me. so i dont know, it was nice, it felt nice and it still kinda does. 

khairun.....im so glad i still have her. i’m still a little gay for her. i remember sitting with her on the bus, riding for hours as we were on the geology trip, and she would ramble about the game of thrones video game and she’d squint so happily and her eyes would sparkle. she talks about dark souls now and i only see her messages, but i can still feel her enthusiasm. or tanisha and fatima, my other geology friends, my maze runner friends. seeing the scorch trials with fatima in the cinema. joking about newt and thomas with tanisha. sitting around the table with my actual friend group, in the big lounge chair reading the tolkien dictonary, joking about the flash with bindiya. sleeping around maddie’s house and playing would you rather. 

heck, i didnt even touch on teachers!!! teachers i connected with so much on a genuine level!!! mrs chambers, mr hauge, mr wrght, miss lloyd, mr hutchinson, miss petra, mrs young! mrs mohammed, mr santa maria, mr longdon, miss langley, mrs maize, miss davies. i know with teachers, the kids must start to blur together at a point. but i just....i hope, at least. with those first two, they’ll remember me, just a bit. i keep having dreams where im in my old school, and i try to find them., i’ve found mr hague a few times. but until about a month ago, whenever i got to geography, miss chambers was never there. im glad i finally found her. 

then fanpop...lexii, having the same birthday as me, talking with kait and roleyplaying as penguin ocs in high stakes situations. dating dylan fkjdngjdh, rigging the club’s presidential election. its weird, i dont have a lot of memories from this time. just....just people? people posting their ocs, people drawing ech others ocs. kaitlyn, anya, kait, dylan, lexii, imaneasel, mya, peacebaby, madascargirl, kate, starslight, imogen, tressa, sammi, crystal, cc, syliva, jasmine, hikari, amber,  yellow, steff, lilly, blue, richard, monique, sharpey, hannah, icicle, ratking, cian i- god, there was so many of us. theres more, i can think of more names. there was so many

anya did what i did pretty much and went to deviantart then kinda dug her heels in and didnt leave, though i don think she’s more active on toyhouse. and yet, i still see her art there, so its nice. having her throughout the years has been nice, watching as both of our art improves. she’s always been a bit ahead of me. then cian i’ve been talknig with pretty much every day for about 6 months now, thats been nice 

and then here, man! the agents of shield fandom! man! i dont remember a lot of names honestly besides the ones who stayed, and sam. i hope sam’s okay. y’all who stayed, who are still mutuals, the hm....five of us i think? though the one ofy’all i was closest to isnt around as often X[ but still. im happy y’all are here 

some of y’all that have been around long enoguh will know i was best friends with kacie for a while. from....i think that was my brief stint in the dan and phil fandom. she. well. she’s okay, the last i heard of her. but my overtalking screwed that up i think. my last message from her, a few years later, was amicable at least. i still feel awful about that if i think on it too hard

i think i only picked up ronan from the maze runner, at least, that i talk to, yeah, right, there’s two others that are still about but i dont think we’ve ever held a convo X] 

and u current peeps! from mario, star wars and.....im not quite sure where for some of you! i love u all! especially y’all that have been around forever, just, liking each others posts every now and again., i dont know how many people you all follow, but i follow less than a 100. i might only be a blip on your radar, but i like seeing y’all, genuinely. thank you for being in my orbit. i hope i’m a comforting or at least. nice reliable presence in yours, for as long as we all stick around.  

#and i just. i could go on!!! i could!!! so many peopek from school i knew even if just a tony bit #peopel in my classes whos last names are starting to escape me but the firsts are still there! #the people who's names are all but gone #but the faces are there #i just....god #where you make friends and go through school you meet so many people #so many!!!! #and then online friends and communities just expands on that exponentially!!! #so many people!!! #so many people live inside me!!! #and im a bit in love with a franction of them! just from the memories and nostalgia! #[insert quirrel voice here] all tragedy erased...i see only wonders #well. mostly gfkjdhndhjkfhdf #luke rambles #a BIG BOY RAMBLE TODAY MAN #i just. #this was on my mind all last night when i was trying to sleep #i am a little afraid of losing close communities im in now im not gonna life #*lie #but im hoping i can keep close with people from each for the long haul #becuase like. im not leaving tumblr until this palce suhts down dkjgnkgsgd #same with discord #with deviantart

[yukikozummm]

HELLO YUKI!! U don’t have to do this if ur not comfy dw :3 get to know your mutuals!! when you get this, it means someone wants to know more about you, so list 5 things about yourself you want your followers to know. they can be as simple as your age or as complex as your deepest fear, as long as it’s something you’re comfortable with sharing. when you’re done, send this to 10 people you want to get to know better! Ty for being moots I luv ur art 👉👈

DAN!! IM SO HAPPY U SENT THIS TO ME!! THANK YOUU i love ur art as well💝!! stay safe 💕💕

1. other than drawing/painting, i also love singing! i used to join a lot of singing contests and auditioned once for the voice (only got to the 3rd screening level lol) bc my dad used to be in a band and my grandma was supposed to be a music artist until she married my grandpa, they told me how the ent. company didn't allow relationships like that lmao

2. im actually really scared of not getting to experience love properly? imean its fucked enough to think that there is a “proper” way to love bc there isn’t lol but i feel really insecure abt who i really am and if that hinders how much love my s/o can give aaahhh

3. i love love love listening to songs that would either make me  feel angry or sad. defo makes me wander through things that have happened in my life and how i should have felt  nd understood said events ❤️ no happiness here smoochie❤️

4. i like reading dark fics as a way to cope or comfort?? somth abt reading messed up people go on about their atrocious self makes me feel relaxed HAHAHAHA or like said messed up/toxic ppl do terrible things and we don’t even have the ‘heroes’ as the main focus bonus points if the writing is vvv poetic and is in the toxic person’s pov lol

5. i am very unconfident with my digital art lmao 😳 bc i feel like i dont understand much about the programs i use and i see all these artists use this tool and that press this smingleshingalooga YAFEEL??

ne ways miss dani thanks again! finished this pretty late bc i didnt know what to put lmao

#THE FIRST TIME I READ THIS I SPACED OUT #I REALIZED I dont i actually take the time to remember even the smallest details abtme?? #yuki-answers!! #who am i what is my fav food

[microfeelings]

You know I just realized how rude of me it was to just post the fantasy AU and never elaborate further on, so I'll do my best to write down the most important things from this universe (no timeline because lmao how does a timeline even work)

For Arin it would be the fact that he grew up on a tribe of half orcs, (his mother is a druid orc, and takes care of the horses that help them move around, his father is an elven bard, and because of this he looks less orcish and more femenine than other half-orcs his age, it bothers him at first but he learns to live with it) and when he is of age decides to leave to experience the world on his own and find a meaning to being alive, (he feels like he needs to find a purpose) trains as a barbarian, but leaves before finishing his training and starts taking adventures for money, (freelance adventurer babyy) at this time he cuts off his long hair and buffs out(is that the word??) his tusks (cause he believes hes not that good for his orc part), thats when he meets Ross, (who is trying to kill him but this doesnt bother the man) they travel together for a couple of years and then Ross leaves him for some pirates in the ocean (Or something like that?? Unclear undecided lmao). Then Dan comes into the equation, not much later Suzy, then Ross (who is kind of an on and off character traveling with them), and Brian (same with Ross, but hes justified because he has a family)

The story with Dan is more complicated (and angstier oh yeah). I still havent worked on his whole childhood part, but on his 150 and beyond he was kind of a free spirit, traveling as a bard, with literally anyone who might wanna join, meeting lots of people and sleeping around, he was more of a lover and the works he took were more on the entartaining side than the slaying, he lived without much care up until he was 200 when he met a tiefling lady whom he fell in love with and was decided he wanted to marry, the problem is that they had different views on life (since she was ready to settle down, meanwhile Dan was more of a "keep seeing the world"), even tho he was ready to leave it for her she told him to keep traveling and that she was going to be waiting for him when he was done. At this time (look you really must have bad luck Dan) he fell ill and into a coma of 50 years, when he woke up he found himself in a world where a lot of things had changed, and the woman he loved was dead. Devastated and with nowhere to go he just decided to keep working and travelling, so he joined a band of mercenaries where he met Brian, altho kind of violent (on Brian's side), they hit it off inmediatly and became very close, enough so that Brian presented him to his family, still Dan felt that he needed to keep travelling to fill the void he felt in his heart (and also because Brian was a human, and he couldnt bare the thought of losing him as well, and it was easier to just avoid it by leaving even if it made him feel like a coward). Then he met Arin, Suzy and Ross (I feel like their adventures all together deserve a different post)

Suzy is also kind of a work in progress (I still havent completely decided what drove her to leave her forest so the story might change from post to post). She lived in the forest her whole life (childhood undecided) and when she was around 200 met Arin when he was a teen, they became friends and Arin basically talked his whole life with her, eventually Arin left and Suzy kept living in the forest until a village started growing just outside it and started being rude and mindless on how they treated her forest, so she decided to talk to the townsfolk, they ignored her so she resolved into using fear tactics and that worked for a while, but now her forest was known as a dangerous place where no smart person went, aka a perfect place for mercenaries and other shady groups. She went to the town asking for help but people were either afraid or mad at her (Suzy is not having a nice day) but thankfully Arin and Dan were passing through town when she went to the folk so they decided to help her (sweet reunion between Arin and Suzy <3 the man has bad memory but he still remembered his childhood best friend, also she looks the exact same so... kinda hard to miss, Suzy has thoughts about the beard but this post is not about that). Still not decided why she left the forest (by all acounts it doesnt make sense, but I wanted her traveling with the boys) maybe she convinces the townsfolk to treat the forest better or something cheesy like that lmao.

From this point on the stories become less and less thought out

Ross as a tiefling was always an outcast, and you know what they say, treat someone like a monster and they will become one, he became a warlock at an early age (undecided but he was young) to a demon who would ask him all sorts of favors, one of them being killing Arin: the one favor Ross failed to do, because after trying to murder the man they both got into a life threatening sittuation where Arin saved his life and Ross thought "oh fuck, hes nice". They began travelling together and tho Ross tried to kill Arin a couple more times, tho he could never comit and ended up leaving him so the demon wouldnt find him (or something, how has the demon not killed Ross yet? Loophole! What loophole? I dont know, I havent thought about it yet). He left to travel the seas for a while and met a bunch of people but eventually came back to land and back to traveling with Arin because no one was as cool as him (I guess?) Gets along with Suzy and Brian cause they're scary, and likes to mess with Dan cause its really easy to do (and also because hes jealous of his relationship with Arin lmao) but they get along when its necessary.

Brian's whole life before joining the mercenary is a whole mystery, nobody knows anything about the man, the only person who knows his backstory is Dan, but even he is unsure because he always changes the story (one of them is the true one, which one Danny boy?). All everyone knows it that after Dan left the mercenary group, Brian wanted to retire as well, but the leader wouldnt let him since he was one of the best in their group, and threatened to get his wife and child if he left, so he took one last job to kill a certain Half-orc (everyone wants Arin death, why? I dont know) and after that went as well as expected (lots of knives, Dan trying to convince both Arin and Brian not to kill each other), the group decided to help Brian kill his own mercenary group. He sometimes joins the group on some adventures (Brian's house is one of their many 'safe houses') still enjoys to sometimes stab Dan and Arin, but knows better not to mess with a fucking druid and warlock

Also if you wanna write or draw related to this au, I will love you forever, you can tag it as fantasy grumps, or tag me (but honestly I dont trust tumblr, so you can just message me about it)

#fantasy grumps #thats the name of the au i guess #polygrumps #egobang #ninja ship party

[underleaves]

Happy new year/Bonne année ♥

I wish you all a happy new year! May 2020 be an indulgent year with all of you, may it be filled with small pleasures as great joys and may you stay healthy!

I wish you all a happy new year! May 2020 be an indulgent year with all of you, may it be filled with small pleasures as great joys and may you stay healthy!

For me it's time to take stock because the year has been full of events and taking a step back often helps me get back on the starting line in better shoes. If my little life doesn't interest you, you can skip the rest right away. If behind the drawings you are also interested in the artist and her moods, hang on tight because here we go.

- On a professional plan, it is confirmed, after 10 years of half paid strugglings, settling my services on professional rates has killed my activity as a naturalist illustrator. I have no more work and income since more than a year now. (Don't worry, I'm not in the street either, my love took over and our families are super supporting)

Paradoxically, I have never drawn (and especially enjoyed drawing) as many plants and animals since it's no longer for orders.

This "unemployment" nevertheless allowed me to devote all my time to my next comic "Plumes", which brings me to the next point.

- On the artistic plan, 2019 it is: more than fifteen illustrations, 24 comic pages painted with watercolor (a collaboration with JackPot, began 6 years ago, and which was a challenge as informative as rewarding), 270 WIPs posted with my Patrons, 240 sketches/sketch pages, 34 pages (only, raaaah !!!) nude studies, and MOST IMPORTANTLY, 12 colored comic pages and 12 other pages sketched of "Plumes"!

All in just 9 months, because I spent three months in South Korea during spring, which brings me to the next point.

- On a personal plan, I finished draining up my savings in a new trimester of study of korean in Seoul and it was really the break I needed to complete my transition and start off on a new foot. I met adorable people there, I left behind me art and my feeling of permanent failure to invest myself in a learning that I love, and succeed by validating my achievements with a score of 87.8 / 100 in exams. The whole thing was toped by a great trip through Korea with my husband (of which we lost almost all the photos in a computer crash, sadness ...).

I had to let everything down for a few months to begin to realize that without being really depressive, I had been wading for 4 years in a depressed state stucked to my skin and that I refused to accept despite the fits of tears and the regular fights against the need to curl up on the floor while waiting for the day to finally end.

I guess that those who follow me for a long time must be surprised to read these lines because I have never been the type to spill over my life and even less on my problems. The fact is that I always considered that I wanted to share my creations and my cheerfulness and that the rest had nothing to do on the web, because there were already enough depressing things in everyone's daily life. But over the years, I realized that all the artists and / or friends that I admired from afar and who to my eyes had succeeded, were in fact often in financial issues, or on the verge of depression, or exhausted by this race for visibility on the net, or overwhelmed by their feeling of failure, or fighting the impostor syndrome (when not all at once) and to cope with so many other problems that I know too well. Seeing them openly talking about their problems helped me to step back from mine and realize that the artists who really succeed are ridiculously few and that they are not even happier. So I told myself that for once I was going to make an exception and drop the varnish, because I don't know ... first it feels good, and if it can help someone, like these other artists helped me, then it was worth it.

The parenthesis closed, I come back on my daily routine because there is no way I am ending on a negative note. SO :

I continue to jog 3 times a week and climb 2 times a week with my love. My climbing improvement also goes on (I managed to climb two 6c +! *A*).

I managed to get back into the habit of reading in the evening and I'm reading in English right now. I no longer have anxiety related sleep disorders and I fell good since I started painting Plumes and feel like I have a new job. Even if it yields me nothing, lalalaa ... XD;

I continue to learn Korean slowly on my breakfasts and weekends. I also continue to write and I still love it, even if I have too little time to dedicate to it.

I also regularly spend time for my indoor plants and in my garden, which makes me feel good.

I learned to manage my schedules better, to be more realistic about the time that each task takes me but also to take into account the nervous fatigue that goes with it in order to organize my weeks more effectively and to exclude unnecessary stress.

These are a lot of small victories or small achievements with which I am very satisfied into my lifestyle, because they do good for my mind as well as my body.

And my love offered me a set of study oil paints for Christmas, so I still have great artistic experiments waiting for me. ♥

My good resolutions for this year:  Spend 2020 as I finished 2019 and everything will be fine ~

Thank you to all who took the trouble and had the courage to read me until the end.

And thank you to all those who comment, reblog or like what I post on my various platforms, your support is precious to me and that is why I wish you all the happiness in the world for this new year. ♥

-------------------

Je vous souhaite à tous une excellente année ! Que 2020 soit une année indulgente avec vous tous, qu’elle soit remplie de petits bonheurs comme de grandes joies et que vous y teniez la santé !

Pour moi il est temps de faire le bilan car l’année fut riche en évènements et prendre un peu de recul m’aide souvent à remettre les pieds sur la ligne de départ dans de meilleures baskets. Si ma petite vie ne vous intéresse pas, vous pouvez sauter le reste tout de suite. Si derrière les dessins vous vous intéressez aussi à l’artiste et êtes prêts à vous manger ses états d’âmes, accrochez-vous bien car c’est parti.

- Sur le plan professionnel, c’est confirmé, après 10 ans de galères payées au lance-pierre, me caler enfin sur les tarifs professionnels a tué mon activité d’illustratrice naturaliste. Je n’ai plus de travail de ce côté-là et c’est ceinture financièrement parlant depuis déjà plus d’un an. (Rassurez-vous, je ne suis pas sous les ponts non plus, ma moitié qui a pris le relai et nos familles sont super bienveillantes)

Paradoxalement, je n’ai jamais dessiné (et surtout pris plaisir à dessiner) autant de plantes et d’animaux que depuis que je le fais pour moi-même et non plus pour des commandes.

Ce « chômage » m’aura néanmoins permis de consacrer tout mon temps à ma bande-dessinée « Plumes » pour la mettre enfin à l’eau, ce qui m’amène au point suivant.

- Sur le plan artistique, 2019 c’est : plus d’une quinzaine d’illustrations, 24 planches de bande-dessinée mises en couleur à l’aquarelle (la collaboration avec JackPot, dans les cartons depuis 6 ans et qui fut un challenge aussi instructif que gratifiant), 270 aperçus de travaux en cours postés auprès de mes Tipeurs, 240 crayonnés/pages de crayonnés, 34 pages (seulement, raaaah!!!) de croquis d’étude de nu, et SURTOUT, 12 planches couleurs et 12 autres planches de BD crayonnées de « Plumes » !

Le tout sur 9 mois seulement, car j’ai passé trois mois en Corée du sud sur le printemps, ce qui m’amène au point suivant.

- Sur le plan personnel, j’ai achevé d’engloutir mes économies dans un nouveau trimestre d’étude du corée à Séoul et ce fut vraiment la pause dont j’avais besoin pour achever ma bascule et partir d’un nouveau pied. J’y ai rencontré des gens adorables, j’ai laissé derrière moi le dessin et mon sentiment d’échec permanent pour m’investir dans un apprentissage que j’adore, et y réussir en validant mes acquis avec une note de 87.8/100 aux examens. Le tout fut couronné par un super voyage à travers la Corée avec ma moitié (dont on a perdu quasiment toutes les photos suite à un crash PC, tristesse...).

Il m’aura fallu tout plaquer durant quelques mois pour commencer à réaliser que sans être vraiment dépressive, cela faisait 4 ans que je pataugeais dans un état dépressif qui me collait à la peau et que je refusais d’accepter malgré les crises de larmes et déprimes régulières à vouloir se rouler en boule sur le plancher en attendant que la journée s’achève enfin.

J’imagine que ceux qui me suivent de longue date doivent être surpris de lire ces lignes car je n’ai jamais été du genre à m’épancher sur ma vie et encore moins sur mes problèmes. Le fait est que j’ai toujours considéré que je voulais partager mes créations et ma bonne humeur et que le reste n’avait rien à faire sur la toile, car il y avait déjà bien assez de choses déprimantes dans le quotidien de chacun. Mais au fil des années, j’ai réalisé que toutes les artistes et/ou amies que j’admirais de loin et qui à mes yeux avaient réussi, étaient en fait souvent en galères financières, ou au bord de la dépression, ou épuisées par cette course à la visibilité sur le net, ou écrasées par leur sentiment d’échec, ou à lutter contre le syndrome de l’imposteur (quand ce n’était pas tout à la fois) et à faire face à tant d’autres problèmes que je connais bien. Les voir s’ouvrir publiquement de leurs problèmes m’a permis de prendre du recul sur les miens et de réaliser que les artistes qui réussissent vraiment sont ridiculement peu nombreux et qu’ils n’en sont même pas plus heureux pour autant. Donc je me suis dit que pour une fois j’allais faire exception et laisser tomber le vernis, parce que je ne sais pas… déjà ça fait du bien, et si ça peut aider quelqu’un, comme ces autres artistes m’ont aidé moi, alors ça en valait la peine.

La parenthèse fermée, je raccroche donc sur mon train-train parce qu’il n’est pas question de finir sur une note négative. DONC :

Je continue de courir 3 fois par semaine et de grimper 2 fois par semaine avec ma moitié. Ma progression en escalade se poursuit elle aussi (j’ai réussi à grimper deux 6c+ ! *A*).

J’ai réussi à réinstaller l’habitude de lire le soir et je lis en anglais en ce moment. Je n’ai plus de troubles du sommeil liés à mon anxiété et je me sens bien depuis que j’ai commencé à peindre les Plumes et que j’ai l’impression d’avoir un nouveau métier. Même s’il ne me rapporte rien, lalalaa… XD;

Je continue d’apprendre doucettement le coréen sur mes petits-dej et week-ends. Je continue aussi d’écrire et j’aime toujours autant ça, même si j’ai trop peu de temps à y dédier.

Je consacre aussi régulièrement du temps à mon jardin et à mes plantes d’intérieur, ce qui me fait un bien fou.

J’ai appris à mieux gérer mes emplois du temps, à être plus réaliste sur le temps que me prenait chaque tâche mais aussi à prendre en compte la fatigue nerveuse qui va avec afin d’organiser plus efficacement mes semaines et d’en exclure les stress inutiles.

Ce sont pleins de petites victoires ou de petits acquis dont je suis très satisfaite vis à vis de mon hygiène de vie, car ils font du bien autant à ma tête qu’à mon corps.

Et ma moitié m’a offert un méga set de peintures à l’huile d’étude pour noël, donc j’ai encore de chouettes expérimentations artistiques devant moi. ♥

Mes bonnes résolutions pour cette année : Poursuivre 2020 comme j’ai terminé 2019 et tout ira bien~

Merci à tous ceux qui ont pris la peine et eut le courage de me lire jusqu’au bout.

Et merci à tous ceux qui commentent, rebloguent ou likent ce que je poste sur mes diverses plateformes, votre soutien m’est précieux et c’est pour ça que je vous souhaite tout le bonheur du monde pour cette nouvelle année qui commence. ♥

#Blehblehbleh #Personnal sum up of the year under the cut #Bilan personnel de l'année sous le cut

[fart-gate]

SG1

Season 2 episode 9

🚨trigger warning: mentions of rape in my notes🚨

"SECRETS"

Notes by me

- the chief from abydos! Also daniels father in law :)

- no glasses!Daniel in this scene

- I love how dedicated Daniel is to his space family and their culture😌 like this random Egyptian planet was like I'm gonna keep you! And he said okie dokie

- "I couldnt possibly be safer than in the company of tealc" AKDEOSNDJSJSSKA

- Jack wants to go back too lol

- Daniel back in his robes 💕

- back home for daniel! To abydos!

- Bodyguard!tealc

- apologizing to sha'res dad for not being able to find her yet 😟 its not your fault babe!

- SHA'RE??? YOUVE BEEN HERE THE WHOLE TIME WHAT THE FUCK

- tealc:

- shes pregnant and that is....really bad. If its one of the goaulds that raped her. This got dark real quick

- "husband!" "My daniel" I CANT HANDLE THIS IM ALREADY GOING INSANE

- he doesnt want to bring his hopes up that its actually her 😭

- hes shocked but like.....i would be too

- I was right its apophis kid :\ this so fucked up

- Host Baby??? Big Yikes

- okay I'm gonna say this right fucking now before i watch any more. If Daniel blames her and gets mad at her for being raped and getting pregnant WITHOUT her consent than i will personally come thru this screen and slap the fuck out of him

- meanwhile! Jack and Sam bonding time!

- SAMS DAD

- sha're thinking Daniel wont love her anymore :( she better be wrong or I'm throwing hands

- she said the goauld is Amunet? Is that the dog goddess? Or the crocodile? I'm getting my Egyptian gods mixed up

- Daniel sitting outside to Process™

- "hasnt she gone thru enough?" My brain stopped working I'm so happy hes not not blaming her. Writers for once youre doing something right

- man hes really emotional about this

- tealcs right they need to take her anyway for her own safety.

- do u think he sympathizes with her bc hes been raped too? Its not said but I feel like thats what it is. He knows it wasnt her fault. And that also means they can comfort each other about what happened to them😟bc they understand

- okay why is sams dad being a total dill hole

- "Ive heard nothing about you, sir." Jack youre not off to a great first impression

- Jack making sam smile with sly jokes

- her dad knows she be lyin about her job

- he wants her to go to space HAHA if only he knew. His tiny brain would explode

- Daniel said he loves her no matter what and then gave her a big hug im LOSING MY MIND

- are we keeping the baby??? Am I gonna see Dad!Daniel and mom!sha're ??? 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

- micheal shanks eyes are super blue in this episode for my viewing pleasure only

- protective!Daniel 😍

- I'm just remembering how they met and when she showed him the forbidden drawings in the caves and they spent days together just sharing knowledge. When he found out they were married(in her culture) and just completely accepted it. When he saved her bc he realised he was in love. When he stayed on abydos so that he could live a full life with her and her people because he felt like he belonged. I'm fine

- parents need to ask before they set up things like job interviews. I have personal experience with this and im full of rage

- this reporter literally having a recording of Jack talking about the stargate and Jack flatly denying it. Zero fucks given

- Daniel saying he wont force sha're into anything. Bc up to this point shes been forced into so much!! He knows he needs to let her make her own choices!!! He gets it!!!

- im sorry both Daniel and sha're are so pretty in his episode. My bisexual brain is just having a real good time looking👀

- I REALLY really love it when she calls him "my dan-yel" ❤❤❤

- the SGC has a mole???

- LABOR somebody boil water

- oh its my goauld mans with the sick earrings

- Daniel helping her give birth. Sitting behind her and helping her breathe. I'm love

- "this is where we hid from Ra remember?" Ajdjsisnana thats such a cool detail

- he'll never leave her again there goes my heart

- "It's O'Neill. With two L's. Theres another colonel O'Neil, but he has no sense of humor at all."

- dont you hate when youre about to uncover a huge government secret and then immediately get hit by a car

- shooting the zat gun into the camera was a cool directing choice 🔥

- sam: so I'm getting a medal for my service this week! Cool right?

Jacob Carter: I have cancer

- he could not have been any more blunt

- ok dude cant you just accept the fact that she cant tell you what her job? Dont you know what top secret means? Cant you just be proud of her for what she does already???? Dick

- "I will always love you!!"

- she is scared she will lose Daniel and the baby :(

- its a boy! 💙💙

- the goauld is back in control oh god Daniel run

- shes actually pretty scary as a goauld

- yeah ok shoot the woman who just gave birth tealc YEESH

- that was a good idea to frame Heru'hur tho

- Daniel hesitating to leave her again. My heart is breaking 😢

- they saved the baby at least

- poor sha're didnt even get to see her son 😔

- bringing the baby back to the grandfather was a good idea😊

- this baby is SO SO cute

- is Daniel a stepdad now. Is he gonna come back and play catch with the kid when hes older. Is he gonna fully adopt him. I want him to fully adopt him

- Jack blaming himself for the reporters death. You gotta stop doing this to yourself man

- black shirt Daniel 👀👀👀👀

- HAHA tealc shoving the jaffa into the vortex lmaooo

- "you dare challenge me?"

"I was thinking about it"

- WHEN JACK GRABS HIS KNIFE REAL QUICK AND SPEARS IT INTO APPOPHIS HAND

- she definitely saw them and didnt say anything

- "are you alright?"

"No. No im not.........but I will be."

"She looked directly at us, Daniel jackson. And yet she did not reveal our position." YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS LADS. Theres still hope for my girl. She can fight this I believe in her ✊😤

- I will say it again tho. This storyline for her is very fucked up. No excuses, its just a bit over used in sci fi for the women characters to have surprise pregnancies.

~

Whump under the cut

Tealc whump: fought with jaffa

Daniel jackson whump: shocked, emotional, crying, forced kneeling, back handed

Sam carter whump: emotional , crying

🎶listening to You Are The Reason by Calum Scott and Leona Lewis 🎶 in honor of Daniel and sha're making me lose my collective mind

No glasses!Daniel for most of the episode

#stargate season 2 #no glasses!daniel #bodyguard!tealc #tw rape #tealc whump season 2 #daniel whump season 2 #sam whump season 2

[laouro]

Day 2 of LoveIndies challenge 2020

It seems you either have no memorable characters in a game or lots of them. I guess when you know how to write/draw vibrant characters you can do it with lots of them.

My pick for today is Dorothy from VA-11 HALL-A.

This game is all about character interactions in a Bar set in a Cyberpunk dystopia. There’s absolutely no fight involved, there is no dialogue options. Instead you get to chose which cocktail you give to your clients by clicking on the right ingredients in the good proportions. There’s also a management aspect since you have to earn enough money to pay the different bills each week. By choosing the right cocktails you can influence how the story goes, how your clients reacts.

Now, about Dorothy. She’s a robot, and a sex worker. She has a very young appearance but a very mature personality. She’s funny and seems full of energy. She even makes a reference to the Monty Python (by doing so she completely obliterated the competition for this reward).

Most of the time she comes to the bar and talks a lot with a lighthearted tone and always seems cheerful. But the interaction I remember the most is the one time when she comes and stay all quiet and looks kinda down. I don’t think she even ask for a particular cocktail. But if you give her her favorite one, she will smile at you. This makes you really feel like you can cheer up someone else, that’s the best feeling you can get (even if it’s just in a game).

-

Deuxième jour du LoveIndies challenge 2020

Personnage préféré dans un jeu indépendant

Il semblerait que dans les jeux vidéos, soit il n’y a aucun personnage mémorables, soit il y en a des tonnes.Je suppose que quand vous savez dessiner/écrire des personnages pleins de vie vous ne vous contentez pas d’un ou deux.

Mon choix du jour est Dorothy du jeu VA-11 HALL-A. Dans ce jeu tout ne tourne qu’autour d’interactions entre personnages. Tout se passe dans un bar qui lui même se situe dans une dystopie cyberpunk. Il n’y a pas le moindre combat, il n’y a pas non plus de dialogues à choix multiples. En guise de choix, il vous faut préparer les bons cocktails en choisissant les bons ingrédients dans les bonnes proportions. Il y a aussi un léger aspect de gestion puisqu’il vous faudra gagner assez d’argent pour payer les factures qui tombent chaque semaine. En choisissant des cocktails spécifiques vous pouvez modifier la façon dont l’histoire se déroule, la façon dont vos clients réagissent.

Parlons de Dorothy. Il s’agit d’un robot (gynoïde), d’une travailleuse du sexe. Elle a l’apparence d’une jeune fille mais a une personnalité plutôt mûre. Elle est drôle et pleine d’énergie. Elle fait même une référence au Monty Python (par conséquent, elle a donc totalement dominé toute la compétition pour le choix du jour).

La plupart du temps, elle viens dans le bar et parle beaucoup avec un ton léger et a toujours l’air très joyeuse. Mais l’interaction avec elle qui m’a le plus marqué est une exception. Elle arrive, quasiment silencieuse et a l’air toute triste. Je ne crois pas qu’elle commande un cocktail en particulier. Mais si vous vous souvenez, et lui donnez sa boisson favorite, elle se mettra à sourire. Cela vous donne vraiment l’impression que vous pouvez remonter le moral de quelqu’un d’autre. C’est une des meilleures sensations possible (même si ça ne se passe que dans un jeu).

#loveindies #independent games #video games #jeux vidéo #va-11 hall-a #sukeban games