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the-s1lly-corner · 6 months

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If you could indulge me, can I ask for something with The Amazing Digital Circus gang, with an s/o who is seen as an anchor for the others? They are strong willed, happy go lucky, supportive, a mediator and ect. Well, could they stumble upon their s/o just having an episode, just crying in frustration and like punching a wall to calm down and go back to acting like nothing happened?

I have a thing with strong willed characters hiding their weakness for the benefit of others.

TADC cast x emotional anchor!reader !

oh ho ho you silly lil fella, you have literally just described my TADC oc down to a T, i am going to have so much fun writing this because im literally just. going to use my oc as a place holder for the reader, just without describing any lore bits unique to them and their design ngl i think i went insane with this one, tally hall music is doing something to me

CAINE:

if you thought you were good at hiding your human despair just know that caine already knows. the only reason i feel he wouldnt initially come to you in your lesser moments of weakness is that he can acknowledge that youre trying to hide this part of you. does he go comfort you, and risk making you try harder to surpress your feelings; risking you to just blow up one day and have your mental state just totally collapse in one go? would you feel put off at the knowledge that in this world you never really have full privacy? that definitely wouldnt make you feel any better. but when it gets to the point where you're screaming and crying in your room and punching the walls he would step in. drags you away from the walls, and if he has to this man will restrain you if it means making sure you stop swinging. hes seen the downfall of many people within the circus, but seeing it from someone he so deeply cares for hits a different way. he may be an AI, but he can still simulate feeling. its a harrowing sensation as he lets you cling onto him. i think he makes an effort to make in house adventures less overwhelming and intense, too scared to push you over the edge but also too scared to leave you with nothing to do to distract you. i think he would stay with you for the night, too

POMNI:

as selfish as it sounds, pomni cant help but feel.. something in her chest. seeing you, the groups beacon of light falter fills her with some kind of fear and despair that she cant put into words. it reminds her that no one is above helplessness, and that at the end of the day youre just as capable of abstracting as everyone else. i think, when she finally sees your fake demeanor finally slip when you thought you were totally alone, she feels bad. i mean shes your partner, and she didnt pick up on any hints that may have indicated your true state of health. i dont think she would try to force you to speak, as much as i want to say that she would try to push for you to talk about how you feel i think her attempts to reach out to you would fall on deaf ears. i think she would put her hand on your shoulder, making you jump back to the present moment. its an awkward gesture, with the jester herself being a little lost with these new feelings... i think you two would just sit in silence

JAX:

similar to pomni, he feels this intense and unexplainable pang at the sight of the most hopeful and brightest person in the circus crumble. ive already said it but ill say it again, its like being splashed with cold water, with how hard that sinking cold feeling hits him. makes half hearted attempts to cheer you up. its not that he doesnt care, its that hes stuck in the shock of seeing the happiest person he knows flip into... this.. for a split second he thought you were abstracting, that pit his stomach becoming colder for a second before he realizes whats going on. ive said this before as well, but jax is not the best comforter, in fact i think he might be one of the worst out of the main cast. but i think so far for the characters ive written for this post, he makes an effort to try to pull you up out of your hole. at least he lets you cry your feelings out, and he wont make you feel bad for doing so

RAGATHA:

stands there in shock like pomni, before immediately rushing to your side and tugging you away from a coat stand you were kicking and beating. hands on your shoulders she tries to snap you back to the present moment, trying to tell you that shes here. any feelings of the helplessness that she shares with the previous two characters is shoved down. this isnt about her, its about you. runs her fingers through your hair, if your digital body has any, and just. rocks you. when you finally calm down enough to be able to form clear words, she reassures you once more that shes here for you. the two of you stay in that position, holding onto one another for the entire night. i think it should be said, but for most of these theyre going to try to keep a closer eye on you and make it a point to ask you how youre feeling. ragatha especially.

KINGER:

it reminds him of queenie. the sight brings back so so so many terrible memories. for a second he doesnt even register that hes standing in the present, standing in your doorway. stuck and frozen for a solid minute before you finally notice him, and you hold each others gaze. finally, you crumble. what was the point of hiding your mounting anguish now that it was discovered by the one you care for most? at the sight of your crumpled form i think kinger would snap back, and rush to your side. he's pause, afraid that you would abstract like the queen, before forcing himself to push through that fear in the back of his mind. a moment where he is not fumbling with himself or shaking; be it because he wants to be there for you or perhaps he still holds some guilt aimed towards himself for not being able to save his old queen, he refuses to leave your side even if you tell him to leave. theres this caution in his actions, mixed with this sort of determination to make sure you're okay. like ragatha, he would make it a point to make sure you're okay long after this incident

ZOOBLE:

zooble would probably be the only one who doesnt make their presence known to you while you're in that state. not because they wont care about you, in fact they care about you a lot. but theyre so unsure of what to do, that they give to you what they would have wanted for themselves, if they were in your shoes. they want to grant you privacy, and to at least keep a shred of the now ruined façade you had been putting on for everyone. if it means keeping it will give you comfort, then they wont take that away from you. they wait outside your door, waiting for the height of your episode to pass before cracking the door open. they dont say anything about what they had just heard, but you seem to know that they know.. i mean they came in so soon after you had calmed yourself down enough.

"are you okay?" a dumb question, but what else was there for them to say? you so obviously werent okay, and you likely werent for a long time. they offer to leave, to give you some time to pick yourself back up, but they also make it clear that they wont go anywhere if you dont want to be alone. the night is tense and awkward, filled with conversation before they eventually broach the topic... i think you guys would develop some sort of secret code. i mean youve been hiding your true feelings for so long, and outwardly saying you need help would compromise that mask you put up for yourself. be it a certain sentence or arrangement of objects, you two come up with a indirect way of asking for security

GANGLE:

she feels so helpless, the most out of everyone. she tries to get your attention, but her words fall on deaf ears, if they even manage to pry themselves out of her mouth. far too weak to pull you away and keep you from hurting yourself, but too soft spoken to bark out a word to draw your attention to her. truly, she feels useless. she isnt able to capture your attention until you finally notice her. similar to kingers part, you fall. she takes an unsure step towards you, hands half raised in front of her as she debates if you want to be touched or not. she settles to sitting in front of you, just barely holding eye contact... she looks down when you tear your eyes away from her. finally finding her voice, i think she would ask if you want her to stay, or if you need anything. she tries to word it the best she can, but she lets you know that she doesnt think any less of you for your outburst. it happens to the best of us, really it does. if you want her too, she wraps herself around you and tries to soothe your shaking form

#tadc x reader #the amazing digital circus x reader #digital circus x reader #caine x reader #pomni x reader #jax x reader #ragatha x reader #kinger x reader #zooble x reader #gangle x reader

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hearts4juzi · 5 months

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I honestly hate how the fandom treats Michael as a hero and I'm seeing posts about it so I feel a liiiittle better talkign about it

my moots are holding back, i can tell. but hes my favorite so im not. and im a little pissed writing this bc. bc i relate to cc a lot. and seeing ppl mischaracterize not only my favorite character but also someone who reminds me of people who fucking suck drives me INSANE.

so psa, im pissed as fuck and i love michael afton.

First off, he killed Evan. That's obvious. Not only was that literall 100% his fault (NOT WILLIAMS IT PISSES ME OFF WHEN PPL MAKE THAT ALL ABOUT WILLIAM SHUT THE FUVCK UP

he was a bully. yeah he was a kid. yeah he was messing with him. Have you considered he was literally. abusive to his brother. i know the fnaf fandom is scared of using that word to describe him but its fucking true. he was abusive. as fuck. that was awful what he did he wasnt just a bully he harassed him and literally locked him in his room. he was fucking horrible.

and yeah, he didnt mean for that to happen, but not only was that stupid as fuck, i hate any interpritation of "he wanted to be like his dad" "his friends coerced him" PLAY FNAF 4. PLAY FNAF 4. FUCKING PLAY FNAF 4 LOOK AT HIS DIALOGUE AND WHAT HE DOES

HE LITERALLY. EGGED IT ON. IT WAS HIS FUCKING IDEA. WHAT PART OF THAT GAVE "he was coerced" THUSHFUDFUDSIOFDUSOFDSIOS

im trying to be normal

Yeah he probably felt like shit after. yeah it probably was some sort of motivator behind his actions. but lets think. lets think.

fnaf 1 and 2 take place before SL, no? So. if thats true. why didnt he burn those down? to "free the souls?" because it was never about the children.

he burned down the fnaf 3 location to get rid of william. it was ALWAYS abotu william. sure he set the kids free but i reeeeaaallyy dont think that was his intention. it was always about william.

in sister location, did he go there out of the kindness of his heart? no he went there because william asked him too. it was ALWAYS about william. and yeah he probably wanted to help liz, he probably really wanted to help her, but based on his actions, was this really for her? or was it for closure

thats something about michael that i put in shitty brother. closure. he didnt actually want to reconcile with his family, he wanted closure on the guilt he felt. is that 100% wrong? no. its normal to want closure, especially after something like that. but also that should not be his goal

did he apologize? yes. he said sorry. he felt bad, sure. but when you kill someone tehy dont come back. evan deserves to never forgive him ever because that was dumb as fuck and HORRIBLE. IT WAS HORRIBLE. ABUSIVE. ILL SAY IT AGAIN

MICHAEL AFTON ABUSED HIS LITTLE BROTHER FOR NO FUCKING REASON.

yeah. abused. say it with me. A-B-U-S-E-D

not just bullied, not just harassed, ABUSED.

ik we're all scared to say it here but its fucking true. say it with ur chest.

this always came back to william. do i thinkk michael is unfeeling and doesnt care about his siblings at all? NO! I think his siblings drove a lot of his actions. but in the end i dont think he always acted with their best interest at heart. or the mci kids'

and the whole "he wanted to be like his dad" i dont fucking care actually. no seriously sit down beside me and tell me that wanting to be like his dad is an excuse for abusing his brother. seriously come closer i wont bite.

tell me how you think that AS A TEENAGER, 100% AWARE OF HIS ACTIONS, that wanting to be like his dad justifies abusing his little brother. his little brother. who as far as we know, never lashed out, never fought back, never did anything to him. tell me how he fucking deserved that

"Michael was just a kid!" so was Evan. So was Elizabeth. So was Cassidy and Charlie and all the kids who died.

tell me how much michael did that didnt revolve around closure and his father. like i get it, he had priorities, but can we please stop acting like he's some angel working for the greater good of everyone.

it feelslike how ppl treat fucking henry. NO HES NOT A GOOD PERSON PLEASE

MICHAEL IS SELFISH HE'S MESSY HE'S STUPID. HE MAKES BAD CHOICES IN FAVOR OF HIMSELF HE PRIORITIZES REVENGE OVER THE GREATER GOOD HE HURTS PEOPLE AND IT MAKES HIM SO MUHC MORE INTERESTING

oh and also in case anybody wants to pull dittophobia out and tell me how mike went thru that trauma

so did evan. and instead of bonding over that trauma, michael harassed him. ABUSED HIM. wording is important. im sorry for repeating myself so much, but nobody ever tells it how it is. it was abuse.

edit: People seem upset by my wording and honestly? fair. i couldve worded this a lot better but i was tired and irritated and one thing i will clarify

i dont care if u dont see adult michael the way i do. i see him as a selfish obsessive guy whos intent is to fix his family, but plenty of people see it differently and thats okay! /gen

but im not taking back anythign i said about teen michael. because i think to do that is unfair to his character and frankly bullshit. i think its bullshit. and i dont care if you disagree. he was a terrible brother and thats that

but adult mike is free real estate idk idrc abt him as much as teen mike.

#tzu rambles #fnaf #michael afton #fnaf 4 #not tagging discourse bc i dont think this is discourse lol. just my thoughts

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louscartridge · 3 months

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dating bose o'brien thoughts or wtvr

bose obrien x gn reader

i do not give permission for my fics to be posted claiming to be yours, translated, or posted on another platform.

cw- reader knows bose is brainstorm, cuddling, mentions of horror movies, established relationship, reader calls bose 'baby' and /silly' once, angst/hurt +comfort if you squint, reader and bose say "i love you" to eachother.

danger force masterlist here

❥ bose is Literally the most golden retriever boyfriend to ever exist. anyways following you around and wanting to be with you. he'd (attempt to) do almost anything for you. when you're not around he gets all mopey and cant stop talking about you.

"no wonder he cant remember anything. all he ever thinks about is y/n"

❥His love language(s) are physical touch, and gift giving. Hes always clinging onto you when hes scared, or sad, or just around you honestly. You remember that one episode of danger force where shwoz's mom was "sick" and bose got her golf clubs? (Im gonna pretend he used his own money for that 💀) He uses the little money he gets from occasionally working at nacho ball, on you.

you put what bose had bought you back in the box, and onto the table that was in the middle of the couch the two of you were sitting on.

"Bose, baby. As much as i love this, and you, you really dont have to spend any of your money on me at all. Get something YOU want for yourself." you tell him.

"All i want to myself is you" he replies, his voice cracking slightly at the end making you smile while you blush at his statement.

"Ok, Ill tell you what. How about you get that new dvd you were talking about a few days ago, and we can watch it together. Then, we'll both have what we want"

❥ Obviously you guys watch shows and movies together all the time. I feel like he really likes watching cartoons with you alot too. You make him happy, cartoons make him happy, therefore- extra happy bose. You love horror movies, but as we know, bose is a bit of a scaredy cat when it comes to horror movies. However, that doesnt mean that he wont watch them with you. He knows how much you like them, and he also knows how much it means to the both of you to watch stuff together.

Youre on of the few people he'll actually watch a horror movie with. Though he still gets scared, he always feels the most safe and secure while watching a horror movie when youre there. Boes is practically hooked on your back like a koala, and his arms loosely wrapped around your neck. As hes watching the movie with you, he would occasionally yelp, and bury his face in the crock of your neck and his arms, tightening the hold his arms have around your neck slightly, all while saying "im not scared i dont know what you're talking about"

❥ This man absolutely loves cuddling. Spooning, sitting in the others lap, it didnt matter. As long as you were touching eachother, he was happy.

Hes most definitely is usually a little spoon. He feels insanely safe and protected by you. As much as he always says to the rest of his co-workers and friends that he "can protect himself" you know that sometimes he needs a little help, and he gets more scared then hed like to admit. With you tho, he had absolutely no doubt that he'll be alright.

❥ i feel like bose doesnt really care too much about sounding cheesy when hes talking to you or about you. At first he might've been a little scared to tell you how he feels about you, but after that, god he just keeps going on. He loves you and he'll sure as hell tell you that he does. He doesnt say "i love you" excessively, but he definitely says it at least twice everyday. At least once in the morning, and at least once before he or you go to sleep.

He actually said it first. One of his favorite shirts got ripped and he asked you to fix it. When you were done sewing it and gave it back to him, he exitedly grabbed it out of your hands while enthusiasticly saying "oh my god thank you, i love you" before running away.

a bit later bose came back to the couch in the mans nest where you were sitting, only this time he was wearing the shirt that you had just fixed for him a little bit ago. He sat down next to you but he seemed kinda anxious.

"Whats wrong bose?" You asked him, leaning forward slightly so you could see his face better. He was biting at his lower lip a little and looking down at his hands that were bouncing up and down from his leg bouncing. "I-im sorry if i weirded you out or anything earlier" he said not looking up from his hands. "No you didnt. Why would you? You didnt do anything" you took your left hand and softly brought it up to his jaw , turning his face so you could see eachother properly. Bose hesitated for a second before answering. "When I said i love you" it seemed as if he was holding himself back from looking at you, instead he was looking aimlessly behind you, or back down again. Only time time, instead of seeing his hands, he sees his knees slightly touching yours. You slowly rubbed your boyfriends cheekbone with your thumb. "Oh my god bose, thats what you're worried about?" You chuckle slightly. "I love you too. I said it back, you just ran away too fast for you to hear it silly" Once you said that, boses eyes immediately shot to yours. "Really?" Even tho he said it quietly, you could still hear the happiness in his voice.

"Really." You confirmed, bringing him into a soft kiss.

#x reader #fanfiction #fanfic #ff #x yn #x y/n #x you #danger force #danger force fanfic #danger force fanfiction #bose obrien x reader #bose o'brien #luca luhan #luca luhan x reader #fluff #angst #hurt #comfort

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estrophore · 8 months

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Signalis Post (barely coherent thought vomit)

So I finished signalis on Monday and i think ive just about recovered enough for me to make a gush post about it on tumblr dot com, which i think i have to do cause i dont think any other game has really hit me as hard as this one. Spoilers obvs.

Being pre-transion, with that associated depression and closing off from oneself, ive always found it difficult to get out my feelings, even in private with just myself, and yet signalis has filled me throughout with its beautiful romantic melancholy and left me genuinely sobbing for the gay robot and her space girlfriend (almost worried that if id played this game on estrogen it might actually have just killed me on the spot). the only other times i can think of where i really cried were playing We Know The Devil near the beginning of the year, which really fkin hit the part of me that struggles to accept myself, and that time i rewatched the last episode of she-ra after reading the ‘Word War Etheria’ fanfic, which brings the characters so much more to life i fell for them all over again.

Signalis is a game that calls back to a lot of classic horror like resident evil and silent hill, which i havent got round to playing any of yet, but i think nostalgia works both ways sometimes and i’ll be playing them sooner now. sometimes horror gets stereotyped as all death and violence, some games fill themselves with skulls and corpses, and big ugly monsters and basically shout ‘DEATH!’ in your face repeatedly and it all just comes off as a bit garish and ridiculous and not actually very scary really. Signalis sits at the other end of that scale (with some of my other fav horror games like soma, cry of fear) where its environs are most usually just… quiet. Still. Muffled. Sad. just as often as theres tension or creeping fear because of this i find theres a strange kind of comfort too. Maybe its just that in most other genres of games theres so much of music, UI elements, pickups and interactibles with vibrant design. Here, theres room for your mind to just occupy the space. A soft fog. A dimly lit room. An empty train. Snow out a window. Liminal spaces that dont expect anything from you.

Signalis is a game thats just simply, unapologetically gay, and i dont think i would have been quite so invested in Elster and Ariane’s relationship if they were a straight couple. Its why representation is important, if art’s way for us to explore our emotions then its important to have media that we can relate to. Even Adler’s role isnt typically masculine. Our replika characters are manufactured, designed for certain roles in the base. Notes from the tough Stars and Storchs in the shooting range, the dollish Eules with the fairy lights and music player in the dorm. I couldnt help but think of groups of Eules sat around chatting, together, and im yearning for that feeling of togetherness, of understanding a friend that closely. I somehow missed the couple in the mineshaft (next playthough, ill find you v_v ). Despite the harshness of life in the Eusan nation (especially for the gestalts) the characters in it are defined by their feelings of belonging and hope. With the obvious parallels to east germany, i think of posters of cosmonauts and space travel from the time. Propaganda, sure but also made with the genuine belief in something greater. When the events of the game take this away, well, we find the last Kolibri, whod rather lose herself than lose her [ah. Im not sure theres a word here to properly describe the relationship they embody]. Its a game defined by loneliness.

We dont lie up at night scared by some corrupted android. We arent stuck with horror at the flesh everywhere, not on its own. We lie awake thinking about Elster and Ariane’s love for each other, the horror of their decline, the futility of trying to hold on forever. Its existential horror done perfectly. It shows an ending postponed and stretched far beyond its limits, and so squarely reminds you that you do, in fact, have to die one day. You’ll break down. One day you’ll say your last words to the people you love and you wont even know you have. Ariane’s final few diaries arrive with the full force of the narrative behind it, like a spear through my heart. For the record, I got the promise ending. Im still sad. It's a game about raging desperately against an unfair ending. I might think about this game for the rest of my life. I would sincerely say its an artistic masterpiece, by the sure definition of video games as art.

I like that the story leaves a lot open and abstract. I think it makes the emotional themes takes centre stage more. And i havent had nearly enough time to sift through it and come up with my own takes, we’ll need a few more playthroughs for that. And theres so much more to say that cant go in just these few paragraphs! Signalis is a game about two girls who had to run away from everything to find someone they belonged with. The universe may be cold and bleak, but you have to try, you might just find something beautiful, even if it doesnt last forever. I think if anything, we should all have the chance to find love and happiness like that, and we shouldnt have abandon a world that doesnt work for us to do it.

#signalis #lgbt #lesbian #long ass emotional ramble post #fuck im nearly crying again #horror #liminal #signalis spoilers #elster #ariane yeong

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messenger-of-stupidity · 1 year

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What did he do

Helloooo. I don’t know why I do this mini introduction things. Does anyone actually read them or do you just skip straight to the story below the cut? I don’t even know. Anyways, have some random conversations I think would happen in the mate group chat because it makes me happy.

Also I’ll never say if these conversation are based off real conversations I’ve had/seen/heard before or not. Feel free to speculate.

CW: Crack, fluff, Angel has hoes, Sweetheart likes causing drama, Baabe likes gossiping, Sam is in over his head, GN listeners (any reference towards a gender is purely for the memes)

Redacted Masterlist

<- Previous _____ Next ->

Sam has joined the chat

Angel: YEEHAW MAN!

Baabe: Chainsaw man but from Publix edition

Sam: I feel like I’ve made a mistake.

Sweetheart: oh you absolutely have but now im not the only empowered one here

Angel: and that is what we call ✨ratios✨

Angel: How fast can werewolves run?

Baabe: this feels like a beginning to a joke

Angel: no im genuinely asking for my wellbeing

Sweetheart: really fast

Sam: Not as fast as vamps, but still pretty damn fast. Dare I ask why you need to know?

Angel: he used a comma that scares me. Angel: psychopath behavior Angel: i put my dirty sock on the table

Sam: I think you misspelled ‘grammatically correct’ as ‘psychopath’

Baabe: ill pray for u angel

Angel: my funeral attire is ‘dress slutty u sluts’

Sweetheart: ha. you really think you’ll have a funeral? thats funny

Angel: ┏( ͡ಥ ﹏ ͡ಥ)┛

Sam: Has anyone heard from my mate lately?

Sweetheart: we’ll break you of your capitalization habit yet.

Angel: no y?

Baabe: are they missing i can tell ash

Angel: break up with him and date me instead

Sam: They said they were going to the pack meeting a few hours ago and haven’t come back. I’m just paranoid since the whole Quinn incident has resurfaced again.

Angel: the pack meeting isnt over yet. davey talks alot dw

Sam: Okay. Thank you, Angel.

Angel: mom he used a comma again come pick me up im scared

Baabe: dw im on my way

Sweetheart: how long do you think it will take Milo to notice I stole his shoes?

Angel: my life is over pray for me yall

Sam: Another dirty sock?

Baabe: tell. me. everything.

Angel: davey left me at costco Angel: ill never get home again Angel: he doesnt love me anymore

Sam: I can call David if you’d like. Sam: Wait, you have your phone. Why not just call him?

Angel: i have low battery so i need to text you guys and post about it on snap and insta

Sweetheart: can you stop whining already Angel? i’m outside to pick you up.

Angel: if i had a ring pop i would marry u

Angel: sam

Baabe: sniff snoff i smell tea

Angel: sam

Sam: Yes?

Angel: bippity boppity your land is now my property

Sam: I don’t know why you felt the need to text me that when I’m sitting right next to you.

Angel: because ur in monopoly jail and i dont go there for no hoe

Baabe: brutal

Sweetheart: wtf

#redacted asmr #redactedverse #redacted audio #redacted angel #redacted baabe #redacted babe #redacted sam #redacted sweetheart #redacted mates group chat #crack #fluff

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1tsjusty0u · 3 months

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oh another question. what does zelda think of link. thumbs up

honestly? i think its more standard to “”canon”” (excluding z*link. she doesnt fall in love with him and he doesnt fall in love with her aroace for the win!!!). doesnt like him, though as time goes on she doesnt understand him per say but she’s able to see where hes coming from. kind of like a foil- basically making thematic arguments against each other. no i dont know if ill be able to write that. also a little bit off topic but the turning point for her may be different, as in i dont know what to do with the yiga memory. like on one hand i feel like she’d have self esteem issues so itd make sense for her to be kinda shocked that link would save her from that (especially if she thinks he hates him), but link doing that isnt. surprising? its basically “what makes this one so special” you know? though she Was almost about to die. she would be even more mad/feel guilty as to her he’d make less sense for not hating her. but after that i think theyd be more. coworkers? like she’ll still get mad at him sometimes but she doesnt hate him anymore. goes from “this person I should Be Like but i dont want to be like them nor can i be like them + i think they hate me, after all people already dont like me because of powers and such as they should so he does too. and he stares blankly at me and i dont know what it means!!! -> why doesnt he hate me?????? especially after everything?? and hes still staring blankly!! he makes no sense -> ive accepted i cant and wont be like him, and also im starting to the hes just weird. hes not above me anymore ive seen him ragdoll off a cliff”. i dont know if theyd be friends but theyd be acquaintances. theyd have to talk about the whole past hatred thing and sort out everything

post calamity!!! extremely confusing. she still cant tell whats up with him, this time half of it being because the shrine of resurrection wiped his memory and he has to reconstruct everything, so hes half between a new person and the exact same person he was before and zelda doesnt know what to make of it. he may not openly carry the sword much but he still defeated the calamity. but instead of having it constantly in her face hes just. not around much anymore. that almost scares her more, because he could hate her again. but in the end she kind of has more time to think? it goes from all of that to “well. hes weirder but hes still there for me somehow. i dont know if i miss him or who he was/is but i do know that ill see him again sometime. also he still ragdolls off of cliffs AND WONT TELL ME WHERE THESE RUINS ARE. I’LL FIND THEM AND WHEN I DO HE WILL FACE MY WRATH (continually long distance one upping like that tumblr post of people like. sitting between two walls so it looks like theyre floating)”. like a weird park ranger

ALSO BECAUSE OF THIS this means i get to change how she got her powers. she gets them at the same time however its not because she loves link peace and love on planet earth

#wreath of the bild #honestly this was kind of tough!#its like. making them friends during pre cal feels. wrong. like its forced #trust me i love friendship but i cant see it for them. but i dont want to leave it on a bad note either #speaking of friendship i have one more ask to get to

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divorcingjimmatthews · 11 months

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season 2 episode 5 reactions as i watch

huge spoilers obviously

(this is mostly for myself to have somewhere to scream as i go, its LONG AF youve been warned)

RANDALL IS SCARING ME SO MUCH LIKE PLEASE DONT BANG ON STUFF WHAT IF YOU ACCIDENTALLY MAKE THE TALISMAN FALL I AM HAVING A HEART ATTACK WITH THIS SCENE. RANDALL STOP STOP STOP YOURE GOING TO DIE DUDE

(straight up cant watch the rest of the episode because i paused it and cant bring myself to unpause lmaooo. from ends here for me i guess)

ok its over thank god

JADE STOP DRINKING SOMEONE HELP THIS MAN. hes even sleeping with the fucking journal like please he needs 20 interventions

also dammit he actually moved to the bar i accidentally manifested it LMAO

can the show please stop torturing this man with the hallucinations please and thank you

TABITHA IS IN MAMA WOLF MODE LETS GO

boyd defending sara... knowing what happened to his wife and what she did... oh man. this hurts. knowing tabitha also lost a child before turns the intensity of all this to eleven millions

LMAO ok someone calling tabitha out for her basement hole and its consequences at long last. i love tabitha but like it has to be acknowledged

"That part i cant help you with" dang Good Line

honestly cant even imagine how sara is feeling i dont know what id be doing in her situation like just watching it stresses me so much.

ETHAN BABY :'(((( im sobbing

KRISTI IS SO PRETTY oh my god i am so bisexual right now. she cant just do this. the shirtttt. i think im seeing the sweetest and most beautiful woman in the world

dhsjfhsh marielle doing the same thing with the shirt that i had the reader do in my fic i cant even

"For a long time it smelled like you. Now it just smells" i laughed so hard

"Youre still you" 🥺

SARA GIRL WHAT ARE YOU DOING ARE YOU TRYING TO GET K oh yeah wait she probably is

oh its her house ok god i thought she'd gone to the matthews'

NEW HOUSE WHO DIS

cant belive an extra got one of the few houses this is so funny to me for no reason

this scene gosh. ouch. ouch. im taking 2 damage per second watching this episode

JADE. the bottles. jade my beloved this is point of no return level stuff. mrs Liu please come get him home

VICTOR

victoooor

"You dont look good" im losing it

thank you victor

victor 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 i love him. the sweetest

JADE IM GOING TO STRANGLE YOU DONT BE LIKE THISSS

"WAIT" i fucking cant i love this man

"This took me all fucking night" jade never stop being the funniest mf on the planet please

jim calling tabitha tabby is so sweet it got me

"Faith. In you" oh boy. Oh man. Oh boy oh man. This scene. How is this show hitting every singe fucking note.

donna brought up abby omgomg

OK BUT CAN YOU BLAME HIM FOR WANTING TO FIND AN ALTERNATIVE THIS TIME

(maybe)

(arghhhh this is so hard)

"only monsters live in the woods" ethan i love everything you say. go my boy

(sara voice) okay

"The trees theyre changing" i love how victor is 100% harmless but could NOT be any more ominous lmaooo

CAR GRAVEYARD

"When i was alone i moved the cars because i didnt want to see them. Theres a lot more behind the rocks but those were already here" GODDAMMIT

no but victor is literally the sweetest man on earth. you were rightfully angry victor !! jade now you apologise.

"okay" ill kill him

victor sitting on the car 🥺🥺🥺🥺 im going to cry

what a scene. my god.

SARA HAS ONLY BEEN THERE FOR A COUPLE OF MONTHS?

"Do you live here in town" ELGIN i love you

poor julie if she knew her crush is out there flirting with the local murderer

"I like what i like and i like owls" based. thats me writing 300 jade posts per day

oh boy this scene (me about every scene)

"THAT PART ALWAYS SEEMED A BIT LIKE WISHFUL THINKING TO ME" im. ill be processing for 3 years

"Did you do something that needs forgiving?" elgin my sweet boy

jim rightly proud of his badass kid

"you put hate inside me" :'(

is she gonna give her her stuff damn shes too nice

a part of me is feeling like shes gonna smash it tho lmao

SORRY FOR DOUBTING YOU MRS LIU

i am starting to assume that everyone forgot about tobey so jade is never even gonna know that it was sara lmao

KENNY

oh my god kenny

im hurt seeing him so hurt

TOWNSPEOPLE CAN WE GIVE KENNY A BREAK OVER HERE PLEASE WHAT R U STARING AT HES VERY RIGTHFULLY MAD HE HAS EVERY RIGHT

oh elgin

elgin youre too sweet

elginnnnn

everyones gonna hate you elgin 😭😭😭 i am suffering for you

KRISTI BECAME EVEN MORE BEAUTIFUL THIS IS NOT A DRILL

now please do jade

"KRISTI WHERE ARE YOU GOING BABY STOP"

KRISTI NO NO NOOOOOO

i love her so much

"People liked him, then he changed" dont do this to me

"I am at the end of my rope" oh god

TABITHA??????

holy fucking shit im going to die of heart attack

this doesnt have captions i dont know what the creepy ghost children are saying

I WAS LITERALLY THINKING I WISHED TABITHA AND JADE WOULD INTERACT AND LOOK AT THIS NOW

i knew jim would not vote box lets goo

BOYD WHY

Randall ????

OKAY that tabitha and marielle scene from last episode was bothering me so much i cant believe i didnt think of this

what an episode my god

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fairyhaos · 9 months

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hi, ate yena ^^ im in my "one-day-before-school" zone where i try to talk to ppl before i have to do normal ppl stuff,,, bc im NOT normal, im in fact an unknown species unknown to this world (delusional)

firstly, i was jumpscared (an hour late) by ur friend request on dc LMAO- like i went into discord moments after waking up and i saw a frq from u, and i was like "holy SHIT" bc i didn't expect that at all. somehow. and ngl good choice on ur part /hj (i have doubts abt my activity on tumblr but not on discord)

and- second which is js a question i asked a moot in vc,,, if u were to audition for an idol company, which would it be? im aiming for kq :3 the ppl js seem rlly cool there,, for an idol company /j-

also i sorta skimmed thru the uji synaesthesia post when i woke up,, i will read it properly soon but i got the gist of it and!! i just rlly love how you do ur descriptions and wordings :(( like,, augh idk what it is,bc the feeling when i read ur stuff? its an indescribable feeling, always positive, not too warm but not like chilly air. just standing in a room full of nice things that please ur eyes,, idk idk ue ueu e.

NO IK THE THING NOW. its like standing in a magic shop (pun half-intended) just looking thru the stuff and you're the shopkeeper,,, ur just looking at this person go 'oooh' and 'aaaaah' at the stuff you're displaying, theyrre reading the writtenm descriptions twice bc they dont catch some words the first time. fantasy au yena when /jjj

bamble ramble OVER,, ill be on dc if yuuou need me ue euue

; weiwei 🌙 (hope you're having a nice day so far ^^)

weiwei sweetie oml!! good luck with school tomorrow everything is gonna go great dw <3

HELP ahh i didn't mean to scare u with it 😭 ill try my best to message u at some point,,, tho my track record of keeping up with messaging people is a bit terrible <//3

hmm idk ive never thought about auditioning before? being an idol looks like something that Does Not suit me at all lmao. but maybe ill agree with u with kq tho! ive seen the way they treat atz (like a little bit) and they look like a decent company i think...?

awh noooo that's so sweet of you omg :((( i had so much struggle with our woozi like actually,, ive been trying to do him for WEEKS and it's only recently that he's gradually revealed himself to me 😭 unlike w jeonghan tho it wasn't like he was hiding from me? more of bc he's so elusive and mysterious he was kind of shifting the entire time and i couldn't pin him down properly haha

magic shop shopkeeper yena haha 💪💪 ill know all of your needs and smile secretively when you find the object that you've been looking for just sitting there in my shelf like it was waiting for you <3

#fairyhaos.answers #friends <3 #weiss.friends <3 #maybe i should write a fantasy au....#fantasy au from yena when????#selenicives #ask

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sereniv · 1 year

Note

Hi I saw your comment under a post about blood quantum and native and reconnecting and I just wanted to ask realistically when do you think you shouldn’t reconnect? I know blood quantum isn’t something we should go by but realistically when should you not reconnect and just learn to accept that you had native ancestry. I’m asking because I wanted to reconnect but I have really really low quantum and I’m a bit scared if it’s my place to reconnect even though I deeply want to.

How i go about it is 1. theres tribes that accept as low as 1/16th BQ, so in terms of low you could say 'that low', but that tends to still leave people out like the descendents of slaves owned by some tribes, who i believe have the right to call themselves by that tribes name and reconnect, that of which also goes for those adopted into tribes.

but 2. most importantly is your reasoning and draw towards wanting to reconnect (and a few other criteria ill mention in a minute)

A lot of people with these questions or wanting to reconnect either are people who just did a dna test, have newly/"newly" obtained info from family, or both (like me). And though the initial feeling can be a swirl of emotions to sadness to anger to feeling like the last puzzle piece to also feeling shame, the first thing to do is to sit with yourself and go through these emotions and figure out why you are feeling them.

Because like i tell everyone, new information about family and heritage and a whole culture can make you feel like the next step is to be part of that culture and claim it, especially if its its like a missing puzzle piece.

But whatever percentage you are, one should first look at the percentage theyve already known themselves to be (or the 'default' in terms of white ppl), like italian or swedish or french- and feel pride in those. explore that- but also you need to ask yourself why you want to explore and if claiming that is also necessary (more on that later)

because when it comes to whiteness it is seen as the default. Youre french so youre 'just french' or 'just norwegian'. But these identities have full cultures and history and language and foods and songs and a 'community' to explore

and if you are neglecting that or have no interest then you have to ask yourself why. But also again, if you want to pursue and claim, ask yourself why.

So you find pride in that if you dont already, because a lot of people without a culture crave one, and because any whiteness (especially americans) is seen as default, any 'Caucasian' culture can seem like not legitimate? if that makes sense

Basically, If you are mostly white, be interested and pursue the cultures that you are mostly made of (im talking french, italian, etc. ashkenazi is a whole other subject and is complicated when it comes to race etc. also different communities/ppl have different ideas on whether youre able to even connect at all). And then you can move on to asking yourself what being native means to you

and this is going off of if you had no struggle before hand, as in identity issues- theres so many situations that i cant cover all of them. Theres poc who are already involved in their main culture. theres people who are white passing and those that arent. theres those that have struggled with identity their whole life etc.

so that out of the way: claiming.

lets say youre a low BQ and youre wondering if you should claim that identity or not- well theres a third option! and that is simply acknowledgment.

instead of saying you are native, you can say you have native heritage. And it might seem like semantics, but it helps with mindset and how you actually live your life and experience it in a way

Being native (among other identities im sure) is...living native? Its not passive, but its also not a 'lifestyle'. Its an embodiment, that of which is different for everyone, that you live. Its being involved and being present, whereas acknowledgment is passive (though you can still be involved)

Claiming is a one and done deal. You either are native or you aren't. You dont just try the identity on and then say its not for you.

Its so hard to explain bc its different for everyone, but this is why you have to sit down with yourself and ask why you want (or need) to claim it. why are you native? not why do you want to be native- not going off of looks or what you do or what percentage, but what does it mean to you

Some people come to the conclusion that it is honoring ancestors, in a way that you feel in your bones. Whereas someone who simply acknowledges their native heritage, honoring their ancestors is more of a 'least you can do' kind of feeling.

Some people feel being native for them is thr connection and the community. Being involved. Which you can feel with acknowledging your heritage, but its more of an outside feeling. Not outsider, just passive.

Again its so hard to explain, but once you explore your feelings you will know. The biggest way to know is to forget about all of it. And if it hurts to ignore, if its frustrating, if it feels like youre lying to people or to yourself, if it feels like an ache to not 'be', then thats your answer

i have acknowledged some parts of me like scottish and irish, that i feel close to because of my grandma and the stories but i am not irish or scottish. Its in me, its in my ancestors and im proud of it and love it, and there is a connection, but its different from being native and italian. Irish and Scottish just somehow always felt outside of me not part of me, and native ended up being a missing puzzle piece that i had always struggled with identity wise growing up (i was always told i was hispanic/mexican but also mention of native, my dad was a mystery so it was always something i focused on)

In my opinion, and this is utmost an opinion: Is that BQ, as we know, is a colonial construct.

That even 1 drop of native blood means you can at least acknowledge your heritage and get involved and care about the community or even specific tribe if you know it. But those with not a single drop (like descendents of tribal owned slaves) are also allowed to acknowledge or claim

The best thing for someone to do is just go through how they feel, look into their history, figure out what it all means to them

And that its okay to acknowledge your heritage, to be proud of the people who got you here, to be sad for the plights. But ultimately have no draw, no feel, no actual connection to the tribe or the community beyond that

And that regardless of BQ, if you are native because its something you are just not able to deny, then you are

The focus shouldnt be claiming, and again with the emotions one can get it can almost feel like theres a time limit due to the anxiety of the information and wanting to catch up on lost time.

But you have all the time in the world, especially if this is absolutely new info and you had not previously had any idea- to explore your feelings and see whether claiming the identity is a natural order of things, or if simply acknowledging your heritage is what is natural for you

So in short: BQ is not required to claim native, but to claim native there should be no doubt at the end of exploring your emotions. (ex. "I am indigenous/native. I am Diné) Otherwise its totally okay to be involved and acknowledge your heritage (ex. "I have native heritage/Im a seminole decendent, etc)

Sorry this is so long and hopefully it makes sense and is coherent i tend to get off track. if i didnt actually answer your question pls send me another ask lol!

EDIT: Oh id say you shouldnt reconnect if your intentions are crap, if you feel like being native makes you different or cool or whatever. Or if its something you can see yourself drifting away from. If youre going to reconnect (usually this means claiming the identity) then its something that is one and done. Otherwise you could hurt those around you that take you at face value if you were to just...stop being native.

So realistically, you do some hard thinking. You look at your past and your ancestors past. And you look at your future. You have time to figure it out.

#native #ndn #indigenous #ask #anon #blood quantum #long post #oyster

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murlocks · 1 year

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hello I'm your competitor in the failboy contest and please tell me about Jeremy I want to hear about your cringefail vampire guy if you're okay talking about him

HI okay yes im always okay talking about him i made a propaganda post abt him but i can probably think up more to say i always have more to say about him

first things first: i hate him. (/pos) i want to wrap him in a rug and roll him down a flight of stairs he is an absolute wet paper bag of a man and i am never not thinking about him.

hes an absolute pussy but hes also an adrenaline junkie so he purposefully provokes his murderous cannibalistic vultureguy boyfriend simply for the entertainment. hes gay and god wont let him die so he finds getting an attractive man to try and kill him quite the emotionally fulfilling activity. asher (his boyfriend) is a little bit fucked up (/pos) so he goes along with it but they both know jeremy will be completely fine its stress relief for both of them tbh

second: some backstory. fair warning for like . vampire-typical religious trauma?? i dunno tbh

he was raised in like . a classic religious town and he was very much a juvenile delinquent so ppl around town didnt really like him and it only got worse when he got turned bc of course everyone in that town was raised to think that vampires were horrible abominations that go against god or whatever stupid shit you can think of theyve probably been taught that. so he kinda internalized all that and obviously when he got turned against his will he had a horrible crisis of faith and was questioning what he did to deserve this fate. obviously if vampires are bad and hes a vampire that means hes bad and he did something to deserve getting turned into one. yeah that boys a little fucked up in the head.

he got chased out of town once he was discovered to be a vampire. after he got turned, he went back home and locked himself away for about a week trying to process it and didnt come out bc he felt like shit physically (obviously, he literally just died and got turned into a vampire, i would feel a little ill about it too) but eventually his like . one singular friend he had in town came to check on him because hed been missing for a while and he told them everything because he thought he could trust them, he told them "there was this guy who attacked me a couple nights ago and i passed out and i woke up in the middle of the street the next morning and the sun hurt and ive been so hungry ever since but none of the food ive eaten has helped and i dont know whats going on. everything hurts and i feel so sick i dont know whats wrong" and his friend is like. Oh. Oh Fuck . and they run off under the guise of finding him medicine/food/whatever but of course instead of doing what they said they would they go straight to one of the towns religious leaders and they gather up a bunch of people to either kill him or chase him out of town.

he escapes, narrowly, but now hes got nowhere to go. hes never left his little town, he has no family or friends to go to, hes basically screwed. he finds himself wandering for days on end just kinda contemplating his life (and beating himself up for getting turned in the first place, because OBVIOUSLY its gotta be his fault somehow. he mustve done something wrong for his friend to be so eager and ready to turn on him its gotta be his fault) and eventually he stumbles upon this little desert town in the middle of nowhere. theres a big old abandoned mansion on a cliff overlooking the town, and, of course, jeremy, the overdramatic (like, theater kid levels of dramatic) idiot that he is, goes, "oh! thats perfect! ill live there!"

and he lives there pretty much undisturbed for approximately 20 years. he has absolutely zero human contact because hes scared of hurting people and he subsists off animal blood from the meager livestock the townspeople own. hes not doing too hot mentally of course, hes a trainwreck with literally nothing to do but sit alone in his house and listen to his own thoughts, but he survives, at least.

until, one day, asher, (my boyfriends oc), one very curious citizen of the nearby town, accepts a dare to go explore the abandoned mansion at the top of the cliff. theres rumors spreading that its haunted, and surely he would earn some respect from his peers if he could survive a night there, right? he can prove theres nothing too dangerous there at all.

until he opens the door. and awakens a very disgruntled vampire from his midday nap.

and the rest is history.

part three: boyfriend endeavors. serious warning for violence and vampire-typical "cannibalism" and less vampire-typical Actual Fucking Cannibalism. also fair warning jeremy and ashers relationship dynamic is more than a little fucked up but theyre both aware of it and its all fully consensual because they are both more than a little fucked up

for a while, they both believe the other is a Completely Normal Guy (albeit, asher is a seemingly Normal Guy with massive fuck-off bird wings and jeremy is. well hes jeremy, but still) until one night jeremy is out and about trying to find some source of food in the town, climbing across rooftops and shit and all of a sudden he stumbles upon asher, elbows deep in a human corpse and absolutely covered in blood. he has the end of a bone sticking out of his mouth. this is completely normal Asher Behavior but jeremy is not aware of that. he loses his footing on the roof he is standing on and goes tumbling down into the street.

asher turns around to look at him and hes got this crazed look on his face and jeremy is just staring at him trying to figure out what the fuck hes supposed to say in this situation because he just fucking walked in on his one and only friend literally Eating A Person but he has no room to judge and asher looks more attractive covered in blood than he has any right to be and jeremy does not have time to unpack all that.

so, after a solid minute of staring at each other, jeremy goes "so. uh. you gonna finish that?" and asher bursts out laughing.

he explains his whole vampire situation and asher explains that he does not have any such situation hes just a bit fucked up and he enjoys eating bones. you know what, fuck it, hes a vulture guy, it makes sense. kinda. whatever. jeremy cant judge.

at this point in time, jeremy is still very much ashamed of who and what he is. he is more than aware that the animal blood he is surviving off of is not very nutritious whatsoever and if he wants any type of proper quality of life hes gonna have to feed off of an actual human person someday. hes not looking forward to it. but asher is just?? fucking sitting there?? eating literal human bones just because he feels like it????? and jeremy doesnt know how to process that. hes morally opposed to it but instinctually he knows thats what he should be doing. and from there on out asher actively endeavors to get jeremy to be less catholic guilt-y about the whole thing. he genuinely doesnt give a fuck and it gives him a headache to see jeremy being all stressed about it so he makes it his life mission to absolutely destroy that boys morals. and it works. it fucking works.

asher is such a horrible influence and he has made jeremy so much worse from an outsider standpoint but jeremys mental health is so much better with ashers involvement in his life and theyre so horrible for each other but theyre also a perfect match. they drive me insane.

ive probably missed a lot in this post and i have so much more i could say about him and asher but thats whats on my brain right now. theyre both so fucked up i hate them (/pos)

#oc stuff #long post

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dracos-simping-wife · 2 years

Text

11th May 2022

Welcome back! Its me again.If im being honest today left me feeling really tired.Does anyone else feel like this too? Ive also been listening to a podcast called ‘The power of positivity podcast’ and honestly its really good,you should give it a try. Anyways ill get onto boring you with my day,aha.

Lesson one was geography.This lesson was hectic. As i said in my last post i was saying how my teacher was away on a school trip and that we had a substitute teacher. Nobody really listened to him until he sent all of the kids who were disrpting the class out of the room.After that lesson we had break,nothing really happened at break if im being honest.

Lesson two was better,i had english so that was fun. We had continued to read Noughts and Crosses. I really am enjoying that book,its quite interesting. Anyways before i go on a rant about how i enjoy the book,aha, we also did a recap on what we read in that lesson

Lesson three wasnt the best. I mean it was okay i just dont really like science. I have a science test tomorrow so wish me luck! We were doing an experiment on how many weights can rip a plastic bag,that was pretty fun. It did scare me a bit when they fell after the bag was ripped.

Lunch was full of laughter,talking and eating as usual so i am going to use this space as a space of me talking about things that dont relate to school in the slightest. :D. So i have started to slowly get more confident of my body,i do still struggle with accepting my weight and being happy about it but i wont get into it,I have started to appreciate the small things like my freckles,my lipshape,my eyelashes and much more. Honestly i cant wait until i get to go shopping with my own money.

Lesson four was kind of frustrating. Who knew it was so annoying to draw nets of 3D shapes? I certainly didnt.I like my maths teacher hes one of those fun teachers who are also serious. I would like to thank him for not setting any maths homework :D.

Lesson five,drama. We had a substitute teacher because my drama teacher isnt well. He was sat laughing with me and my friends because of this picture of Tom Holland with his face edited onto that snapchat hot dog,it was really,really funny.As fast as that lesson started it ended.Then it was the end of the day.One thing I hate about school busses is how loud they are and the kids who throw rubbish,scream and shout and run aroung the bus,how hard is it to sit down and be respectful of others?Anyways thank you for reading it means so much to me when people read this. Feel free to talk to me in messages <3.

TW FOOD MENTIONS BELOW THE CUT

Here is the food i ate today if anyone is interested in this.I feel like i have eaten lots of food today and not even a lot of healthy food either.

Breakfast: Honey nut cornflakes and a cup of water

Snack: Raisins,an apple and sultana bar and fruit water

Lunch: Panini,pineapple and water

Snack:Biscuits and hot chocolate

Dinner:Curry and chips,banana,water

#ella #foodie #my day today #hey how are you?#iloveyou #foryou #thatgirl

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antisocialgaycat · 7 months

Text

feel free to ignore im kind of just screaming into the void here

so i love my friends right like theyre great people however there are some things that they do that kind of make me dislike them and i feel so bad abt it cos i love them but some of the shit they do makes me so uncomfy and i dont want to say anything cos what if they hate me for it and want to stop being friends with me and even though i know that they wont it still scares me lol but some of the shit they do makes me so uncomfy like some of them are hella transphobic and dont even realise it hell some of them say homophobic shit like in a joking way but it still kinda scares me also one of them uses autistic as an insult and that absolutely does not sit right with me and like this one isnt even that bad but they constantly refer to me as the gay one and they dont even seem to think of me as more than that sometimes also i have asked them a hundred times to call me lesbian instead of gay but nope im the gay one in the friend group and nothing will change that and that kind of doesnt vibe with me too good also theres this person who they keep referring to as my girlfriend or my wife and that absolutely is not okay with me and if asked them to stop so many times but they either cant or wont cos they keep calling her that and the thing is that the person they keep calling my wife is a really good friend of mine and we also have a lot of friends in common and i hang out w her and her friends a lot and whenever my friends see me with her they always take photos and shit which makes me so uncomfy i hate having photos taken of me and theyre also really unsubtle about calling her my girlfriend and shit when shes around and when her friends around and im so scared that either her or one of her friends will figure out that i like her and she'll be like ew thats mank and ill lose yet another friend and even tho i know thats so so unlikely cos shes a great person but it would at the very least make things awkward between us and i dont want that cos shes a good friend (better than my fg) so if my friends mess up that friendship i swear im gonna have no friends at all cos ill likely get pissed as fuck at them and my other friends will think im mentally fucked up and then i may as well just leave the entire fucking school and go to my local one and even though i know im catastrophising to the end of the earth and back it still doesnt take away from the fact that some of my friends are making me feel so uncomfy that i dont want to hang out w them even tho i love them also theres these two really toxic people in my grade who sometimes hang out with us (one more than the other) and theyve told the one whos not nice per se but less bad than the other one and hangs out with us less to fuck off and the homophobic transphobic bitch who uses so many slurs its not ok at all they seem to have no problem with oh and theres this kid in the year below us who always dabs up the rest of my fg but whenever he sees me he just says ew no ur a lesbian and one time he said that i prolly jerk off to furry porn and first of all what the actual fuck second of all that made me feel so uncomfy and third of all my fg just laughed and they still bring it up so often and they surely can tell it makes me feel so so fucking scared and i dont even fucking know why oh and one of my closest friends has the most terrible taste in guys like i swear she lies the most toxic people and im the only one who can actually see that cos all the others think theyre hot and they dont realise just how bad its gonna end every time theres literally only 2 people in that group who actually dont ever make me feel like my skeleton js gonna fucking scuttle out of my skin and crab walk to the nearest trash can and jump in so tysm to sarah (i aint gonna tag u cos i dont want u to see this post lmao im still gonna post it tho) and arkie (she doesnt even have tumblr and will never see this post but i still want to put it in writing) anyways yuh thats my lil vent

#just a load of garbage #literally ignore this please im js screaming into the void and hoping some answers float out of my words which they wont but still #also my fg make me feel so shit for hanging out with other people but like im fucking allowed to talk to people yall dont own me #they never did this to s or j and j fucking left the fg entirely and they still love her #anyways yeah #please ignore this #irl ppl ignore this please #this should never leave my drafts #it prolly will tho lmao

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avo-kat · 10 months

Text

i was checking my drafts (for the irrational fear that there will be a bug that suddenly releases all your posts in draft; this has no basis on reality, so dont worry), and found this post from march 1st 2023.

its me working out that im definitely not trans:

dont mind me, im just sitting here and thinking out loud

me: oh im just a regular woman. not straight. but otherwise normal. thats all. :) [pre 2020]

me: hm actually. you know what? hmhm. something is up

me: no its fine. its time. i came out as lesbian to my friends! this is great. i love this. time to buy... lgbt merch. [around 2020]

me: what kind tho... hm.... somehow.... u know? normal rainbow stuff is fine, right?

me: hmmmm im not feeling so good actually??? [around 2021]

me: is that... u know what.... i think i may be.... non-binary? i thought this was only smth for kids but looking into it, huh, i guess so!

me: now i can wear more boy clothes. and walk a bit more masc. thats kinda fun. mens tank top. mens shorts. baseball cap. i feel awesome. hairy legs. hairy armpits. hell yeah!

me: but im just nb im not trans thats not being trans

me: i dont wanna intrude or take away or smth im just nb

me: im fine being the way i am no need to do hrt or anything really

me: and honestly, i dont wanna lose my identity as a queer woman!!! i love being a queer woman! well ok not a woman anymore but im still like, sapphic! that kinda thing!!! im deathly afraid of losing this part of my identity!

me: im super fine w my body and im fine staying this way and also being my agab at my job

me: besides im so cute now and id deffo look ugly as a guy

me: i dont even like guys that much so like come on

me: that one guy is giving me such gender envy. thats just 1 exception tho [around 2022]

me: i prefer he/they but im fine with all pronouns :)

me: i like it when ppl use male words for me. just makes me feel good. nothing else :)

me: (i have no dysphoria cuz im nb im not trans)

me: its cool im fine

me: hmmmmmmmmm

me: mhmhm eeeh

me: im not feeling so great again thats so weird....??? [late 2022/early 2023]

me: mhmhmhmhmh

me: oh look im growing facial hair

me: guess ill shave. thats annoying. kinda cool but annoying

me: oh wow i gotta shave more often huh thats so annoying

me: hm hair is growing more... actually... feels nice touching my hairy face kinda

me: oh well i gotta shave for work, so

me: ach. why does that feel unpleasant?

me: oh well. heh, if i were a man (im not tho), some things would be kinda fun!

me: if i were a guy. that would be fun. like. purely hypothetical, yknow?

me: like if i suddenly got the superpower to change my appearance. that would be sooo cool. just cuz.

me: wouldnt that be fun. it would. it would be so fun.

me: not trans tho

me: def not trans. i feel shaky and queasy just thinking of it. im not

me: just nb. im fine. im fine staying like this. like. im. im fine.

me: like sure im not like super comf

me: thats on me deciding not to be more gnc in public. yeah. it would be such a hassle

me: yeah. what if tho lol. can u imagine. god, telling my boss? no way man that wouldnt fly

me: and id be so ugly. im cute right now. and im not strong. or build. and im too fat. if i were to be a man id wanna be, like, hot, yknow? strong and sharp jawline. if i were to be guy. im not. i wouldnt. im not trans lol

me: lemme write this fanfic real quick. just smth self-indulgent. what if i woke up in the body of the main character of this shounen anime lol. id be a boy lol. like. id be a man. mans body lol. that be fun lol. and what if i managed to fall in love with that male character. wed be so gay together. haha. two guys. such a funny idea

me: .....................

me: like what if i got top surgery.

me: like, sure. a year ago i was scared of losing my boobs. like if i had breast cancer and had to remove them. id look so off. my body would look wrong. boobs are an important visual element.

me: but what if i got top surgery. like. i hate bras. i dont like them being touched much either honestly so i wouldnt really lose anything? it would be more comfy for me day to day. and while sleeping. so, honestly, only upsides?

me: ...what would i need, theoretically. hm. half a year of therapy? oh. yeah. no. im not trans. so. yeah.

me: ....................

me: like, what name would i even pick. idk. well doesnt matter. im not trans.

[new addition, july 2023] me: im trans :D

#help i think fanfics made me trans #not trans tho #<the previous tags lmao #definitely trans tho #i guess i didnt post it back then because it felt a bit too dangerous and then i forgot about it #a retroperspective of my self-identity

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strawberryezpls · 1 year

Text

Im such a pisces venus like omg

Okay so the posts that i posted today are drafts from a long time ago if u couldnt tell. And just wow i did year up when i did read "i could be like this forver" when referring to peanut butter. Literally on the phone with him rn. Um but i noticed like if i feel hes getting distant i enter flight mode so quick. And the week b4 that was fight mode. Like but i just needed him to talk to me tbh to lmk he actually cares for me as a human being. Oooooooooooooo i dont think we've reached our big fight yet ur orobably like wtf but like the big fight is what determines ir relationship weather u make it through or not. And he told me hes gonna talk to me no matter what. But anyways we hitting 3 months tomorrow, and ill see him Saturday😭 like clockwork. Im just scared like our time together will be so tiny as the months go on bc this man is BUSYYYYYYYY. And i wish i could be as busy as him so i wouldnt have to sit and ponder but like that would tire me out so fast ugh. Anyways i did have a weird ass dream with a snake in it so we better hope im not prego. And i hadba did that bill and i had a kid and ee were doing a drop off thing. Also i wonder when ill have the dream where u give birth and raise yhe chuld and then u wake up greiving that chuld or something. That would scare me tbh. But anyways i did think i was prego like 3 weeks ago 😖🫣 never again. U know whats also never again smoking and taking an eddy during work. Why do i hate myself u ask idk but i couldnt function and went to target and got new books which ig is a good thing. Also money is gonna be tight these days bc im not working as much which is sad. And i wanted to pay for school and birthday shit. Also my bf got mad at me 4 being high and it was lowkey hilarious. Bc hes a cold turkey dude. Anyways thays . My life rn might be accused of being a furry and i just bought furry gloves bc my hands get cold at night driving home and the heater doesnt hit as hard as it should and that doesnt help my case so.. anyways imma get him back both of them. Istg working at a male dominant place will get u into shit u dont wanna be in.

#Spotify

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