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tenebraevesper · 5 months

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Five Nights at Freddy's: Salvaged, Night 29: Spring-Loaded Trap

''Sealed it away, they just hid their error, locked all the slain from sight. Spring-loaded traps that unleash their terror, how did he last five nights? Blast that audio, visuals are failing, cut the oxygen, vents are ailing. Systems need reboot, now you're sitting helpless, not an empty suit, coils compress. Now it's all burning, burying the nightmare, crumbling away, but the scars remain there. Smoke's licking the sky, crashing down to the floor, maybe it's safe now, salt the ground to be sure.''

– Springtrap by Madame Macabre (Five Nights at Freddy's 3)

xXxXxXx

It was a rather quiet Saturday morning at the Blackburn residence. Sam was staring tiredly at her breakfast, yawning. Emma, who seemed to be quite irritable, was drinking her second cup of coffee, reading the news on her phone. Springtrap was leaned against the table, resting his head on his arms as if trying to take a nap, but couldn't. It was more than obvious that none of them had a good night.

''Hey, Mum…'' Sam rose her voice, drawing Emma and Springtrap's attention. ''What had happened at the dinner with Cassie and Adam last night? Springtrap said that someone made you angry.''

Emma glared at Springtrap, who gave her a nervous glance, his ears lowering. She rubbed her temple, sighing.

''We were at the local diner and one of Adam's co-workers appeared. I have no idea what he was on or whether he was drinking or something like that, but he had suddenly started hitting on me,'' Emma said.

''What?'' Sam and Springtrap exclaimed in unison, having been stirred up out of their stupor by the sudden turn of events. Emma shrugged.

''I told him I wasn't interested in him and that I was uncomfortable about it, but he just wouldn't stop, so I had punched him. Rest assured, his face was a bloody mess,'' Emma added, taking a sip of coffee. ''Adam told me that he would report him to his boss for this incident, so he might get in trouble as he behaves similarly at his workplace.'' She grinned. ''Still, punching him was quite satisfying. Hopefully, he had learned his lesson.''

''I doubt that,'' Springtrap said. ''Some people never learn.''

''I assume you're talking from personal experience,'' Emma replied, still grinning. Springtrap frowned at first, a little annoyed, then smiled.

''Of course I do. After all, I did encounter some nasty people in my life,'' he replied, leaning against the chair and crossing his arms. Sam giggled about the insult backfire, while Emma just narrowed her eyes, then shrugged.

''Anyways, it's my day off, so I'm staying home today, trying to cure my headache,'' she added. ''What about you two?''

Springtrap glanced at Sam, who shrugged.

''Honestly, I'm not really sure, but we might need the car later on,'' she said. Emma sighed, reaching for the cupboard and taking a package of pills, feeling her headache worsening.

''Okay,'' she said as she took one. ''Anyways, while you're here, could you just please keep quiet? I want to get some rest.''

''Don't worry, we'll be in my room,'' Sam said. Emma nodded, placing the dishes into the dishwasher and went upstairs to her bedroom.

''She isn't the only one with a headache,'' Springtrap said as Sam glanced at him. ''Seems like we all had a rough night. Not to mention, there was also something you wanted to talk about, wasn't it?''

''Yeah,'' Sam sighed as she stood up and placed the bowl and spoon in the dishwasher. ''Let's go.''

The two went upstairs, quietly closing the door behind them. Sam then sat on her bed, leaning against the pillow, with Springtrap sitting on the other end of the bed, giving her a curious look as he remembered the events from last night.

''So, what happened last night?'' he asked. ''You looked quite disturbed when I found you.''

''That kid woke me up,'' Sam replied, with Springtrap frowning. ''I know.''

''I assume that kid demanded that you stop being friends with me,'' Springtrap said.

''Actually, they just questioned me why I was friends with you,'' Sam said. ''The kid also claimed you've been manipulating me and how you'll pay for making me suffer.''

''I'm sorry you had to go through that,'' Springtrap said, only to be surprised when he saw Sam's annoyed expression.

''Will, you don't have to apologize for that. I mean, I had already expected that that kid would try to confront me considering they hadn't achieved much with you,'' Sam replied. ''Although, one thing is sure. That kid is persistent and wants you to suffer even more than you did in Hell.''

''To be honest, I probably wouldn't really care that much if I had to go through that Hell again. A lot of things had happened the past week that are more significant that the fear of eternal punishment,'' Springtrap replied.

''Still, is it really necessary for this to go on forever?'' Sam asked, with Springtrap shrugging.

''No, but honestly, I have no idea what to do about this,'' he said. ''Besides, that kid won't listen to reason.''

''Exactly,'' Sam said. ''You hurt that kid and now they're fixated on the pain. I'm not saying that you don't deserve punishment, but I'm afraid that things might escalate. I know that that kid just wants to protect me, but they're just making everything worse.''

''Honestly, I don't know what to do about this, but I think that an angry spirit is the least of my problems,'' Springtrap said, leaning against the wall and with a reminiscing look on his expression. ''I met Henry again.''

''Really?'' Sam was surprised. ''What happened?''

''Well, I know now that he certainly isn't another hallucination,'' Springtrap said in an amused tone, with Sam smiling. He then lowered his head. ''We did talk, though. He told me that he was keeping an eye on me, as he doesn't trust me, and he's worried about your safety.''

''I appreciate that he's worried about me, but I'm fine,'' Sam said, noticing Springtrap staring at her injured arm. She glanced at it. ''Yeah, I think it has healed at this point.''

''Even if it did heal, that's exactly the reason why nobody trusts me whenever I'm with you, and honestly, I don't trust myself either.''

''William…''

''Still, that doesn't mean that I'm just going to throw away everything I managed to achieve at this point. Everything that happened is important to me,'' Springtrap said, tilting his head as he glanced at Sam. ''You're important to me.''

''I feel the same,'' Sam said. ''Besides, you're handling this situation much better than before. Sure, there are issues, but you're determined to continue without having another mental breakdown.''

''Henry had also noted that it's impressive how determined I get when I put my mind into something, no matter how crazy the situation is,'' Springtrap said, then sighed. ''Although, he's just frustrated that I'm back.''

''He has a good reason for that,'' Sam said, with Springtrap nodding. ''To me, it also sounds like he acknowledged your determination as a positive quality.''

''I guess that's at least something,'' Springtrap said bitterly. ''Courage, selflessness, self-sacrifice… It's not exactly what you would describe me. Unlike Henry, I'm a selfish, abusive coward.''

''Why are you saying that?'' Sam asked worriedly.

''Because it's the truth,'' Springtrap replied, frowning. ''Even though he did say, I know that he wanted to remind me of that. He's still a much better man than I am.''

''William…'' Sam muttered, with Springtrap giving her a somber look.

''He also feels as if it's his fault that I'm back, as if he had failed, even though these events have nothing to do with the past,'' he said. ''He isn't the only one who feels frustrated.''

''I believe that there's something else you're not telling me,'' Sam said, noticing the anxious look on his expression. Springtrap nodded, knowing that he had to tell her what he told Henry. Not to mention, he also knew that he had to tell the same to Emma, and he wasn't really excited about seeing her reaction.

''Sam, I did tell you that you're important to me and, as you said, we're basically best friends at this point,'' Springtrap said, unsure how to explain this to Sam. While he felt anxious about it, he figured that he should just be straightforward about it. ''Although, lately, I've been thinking about treating you as if you were my daughter.''

Sam stared at him, with Springtrap nervously anticipating her answer. She didn't look annoyed or stunned, but had a rather mildly-curious look on her expression.

''You know, I am glad that you admitted that, but wasn't it already obvious that you were acting as if you were my father? I mean, even Mum messed with you by suggesting that you planned to replace her as a parent. I know you said that that wasn't the case, but you were also quite uncomfortable with that idea,'' Sam said, smiling softly and tilting her head as she saw that he was still anxious and worried. ''Also, I'm fine with that.''

''I figured that you would be okay with it, but don't you think that it's wrong for me to act like this? Besides, Emma had also said that, considering how I was incapable of protecting my own family, why would she or you be fine with me taking care of you?'' Springtrap said, crestfallen. ''It shouldn't be like this. I should just forget about this whole idea.''

''Say, Will, what exactly made you decide to admit this to me?'' Sam asked, leaning forward.

''It was our talk about my family,'' Springtrap said. ''It just got me thinking. I know I was a complete failure as a father when it came to my children, but I figured that, perhaps, I could at least try to be a better father to you. However, I don't want you to think that you're a replacement or anything like that. I care about you and I just want you to feel comfortable with this. I know that you said that you were fine with it, but seriously, I won't mind if you tell me that you have changed your mind.''

''As I had said, I am glad that you told me everything,'' Sam replied. ''However, you still haven't convinced me to change my mind.''

''At this point, I'm not sure whether I even want to know what exactly I have to do or say to make you change your mind,'' Springtrap replied. ''Although, considering how your friends treated you in comparison to how I treat you, I understand why you're determined to keep me here. I'm not going to let you regret it.'' He shook his head lightly. ''Hell, I made this promise to Henry and Emma, and even to myself, so I better keep it, right?''

''Yeah,'' Sam said, nodding. ''Speaking of which, I am curious about your friendship with Henry. I mean, you did tell me about it, but it is obvious that it did mean something to you, else you wouldn't have been affected by the conversations you had with him.''

Springtrap sighed, leaning his head against the wall, closing his eyes.

''I feel like I shouldn't care at all about what he has to say, but I still find myself listening to him. In fact, I was actually glad to see him, although we did eventually get into an argument,'' he said, then leaned forward, staring ahead. ''Sometimes, I just feel as if something's wrong with me.''

''Didn't you say something similar when you destroyed the remnant?'' Sam said, with Springtrap giving her a bemused look. ''Anyways, aside from what happened, there's still another we need to discuss. I was actually thinking that we could pay a visit to the Machinations Factory tonight.''

''Do you have anything specific in mind?'' Springtrap asked.

''I'm not completely sure, but I do want to know what Connor is up to,'' Sam said. ''Considering what happened last time we met him, it is obvious that he's searching for you.''

''You know that I could just go and confront him,'' Springtrap told her. ''I know that you refused my suggestion last time because you wanted to confront him on your own and see what he knows.''

''Yeah, but this time, I think we'll go with your suggestion,'' Sam replied. ''Honestly, I just want this nightmare to end.''

''I hate to telling you this, but this nightmare will never end,'' Springtrap said, his eyes glowing purple.

xXx

Connor leaned his head against the table which was covered in paper scraps and metallic parts. He had spent the entire night at the factory working on the animatronics and, while did manage to get some sleep, he was still exhausted. He then leaned back on the chair, closing his eyes. He felt as if he was falling, half-asleep, half-awake.

''Connor, I'm worried about you.''

''Then, you should understand how important this is to me.''

''Please, this has been going on for years. Don't you think that it's time to just… stop? You need to move on.''

''Move on from what? Bran, this experience is part of me and you know that.''

''Honestly, I'm not sure whether I can continue listening to that. I mean, I'm fine talking about your interests, but having to constantly talk about death is getting tiresome.''

''I see…'' Connor still remembered the look Bran gave him when he heard the chilling tone in his voice. It was a look of terror.

''Connor?''

''You know, it is always a thin line between life and death, and I want to talk on that life.''

''No offense, but you're crazy.''

''Am I?''

Connor glanced at the Raven, sighing. He frowned.

''You wanted to leave, didn't you?'' he said. The animatronic kept quiet. ''I understand that it wasn't easy to listen to me, but I'm still grateful that you did.'' He smiled. ''I'm glad that you're still here.''

He waited in silence for an answer, frowning when he realized that there wouldn't be any. He rubbed his temple and stood up, feeling a headache. He gathered his things, then stopped, staring at Raven.

''Are you ever going to say anything?''

No answer. Connor stood there for a moment, staring at Raven, then walked out of that room.

Everything had started here, didn't it?

He remembered walking through the factory, having returned a few tools to their proper place and placing the switchblade he had used into his pocket. Afterwards, he found Bran in this exact room. He tilted his head as he observed the man inside the room curiously. He was rearranging the black, bird-like costume on the endoskeleton. He crossed his arms, waiting for Bran to acknowledge him.

''Connor?''

Connor noticed that Bran was startled by his presence. Bran stared at him, unsure what to say.

''So, is something wrong with the animatronic?'' Connor asked, stepping towards him.

''No, not really,'' Bran replied. ''I just went to check on it. You know how Wolfrun Corporation wanted two animatronics that were both suits and robots?''

''Yes…''

''Well, if you ask me, Wolfrun Corporation is trying to copy Fazbear Entertainment,'' Bran replied. ''However, according to what I know, Wolfrun Corporation didn't have these kinds of suits on mind. Apparently, Fazbear Entertainment had some kind of hybrid suits that worked as both animatronics and costumes.''

''Really?'' Connor rose his eyebrow. Bran shrugged.

''That's what I heard. They aren't using them anymore,'' he said. Connor narrowed his eyes.

''Do you think they have something to do with those supposed hauntings?''

''I don't know. Honestly, Connor, I don't want to talk about this anymore,'' Bran said, looking a little exasperated. Ever since Connor had survived that car crash, he would constantly talk about any kind of event related to death. Bran figured that he could comply by telling him what he knew about Freddy's, as it seemed to have a rather mysterious and shady past. However, now he was regretting it.

''Well, I do,'' Connor replied, sounding rather agitated. ''After all, I know that there is some kind of afterlife. I have already told you about it.''

''You did, but I still doubt that something like animatronics becoming haunted is possible,'' Bran said.

''I do believe that that's possible,'' he said. ''It has to be.''

''Honestly, I don't know what to tell you,'' Bran said in a frustrated tone.Connor clenched his fist, glaring at Bran. He could feel the switchblade in his pocket. ''I'm not going to deal with this anymore.''

''You know, death can be incredibly fascinating,'' he said. Bran just shook his head and attempted to walk past Connor, but the latter stopped him.

''Listen to me…''

''Let me leave!''

''No!''

Just as Bran tried to push him away, Connor lunged at him, grabbing him by his neck and shoving him against the table. He then reached for his switchblade, only to find out that he wouldn't need it. He stared at Bran's seemingly lifeless body, which was lying on the floor, a pool of blood forming around his head. Connor realized that, during the struggle, Bran had hit his head on the edge of the table, probably cracking his skull open and now he was bleeding out.

Connor quickly crouched next to him, reaching for his neck to check his pulse, but then stopped. He frowned. He didn't want to know whether his friend was alive or dead. No matter what the outcome was, Bran would leave him. Connor knew that he couldn't let this happen. He glanced at the animatronic.

Maybe…

He walked over to it and dragged the robot towards Bran. He then took his switchblade out, using it to remove the part of the suit around the arm and hand, as well as making small cuts on Bran's arm, then pushed the animatronic's fingers into those cuts, with them digging deep into Bran's skin. He wanted to arrange the animatronic to look like as if it had malfunctioned, grabbing Bran by his arm with its sharp fingers and knocking him over. He then stepped back, staring at the two blankly. He didn't feel anything.

It was an accident…

Connor frowned as he closed the door and taking the earpiece out.

It was an accident, that's what everyone said. However, shortly after that, the animatronic started to attack other people, having even injured another of my co-workers. They attributed those attacks to the animatronic malfunctioning and wanted to scrap it.

A bitter smile formed on his lips.

However, I knew the truth. The violent behavior the animatronic showed wasn't a result of malfunctions. Instead, Bran Crawford's soul had become attached to the Raven. I knew that he wouldn't be gone. I had to hide him.

He was quite proud of his achievement. Even though Bran couldn't talk to him anymore, he could still listen. Connor would visit him as much as possible, especially after the factory had been shut down. He felt that his old friend needed some company, so he started to create his own animatronics, while making sure none of them would escape. At the same time, he also tried to find out what exactly kept Bran's soul here. The only thing that frustrated him was that, while his creations were getting better and more elaborate, he still had no idea how to tie the soul to an animatronic.

I'll figure it out eventually. After all, they need souls as well.

As he passed through the area with the conveyor belt, he could hear steps behind him. He didn't pay any attention to it, leaving through the main entrance. He had other things on mind and he knew that they go anywhere unless he ordered them that.

Just as he left, a tall, slender figure stepped into the room, its eyes glowing as it flexed its fingers and scanned the room. All this figure knew was that its purpose was to patrol this building and kill any intruder. That's what they were programmed for.

xXx

The silence was broken by a mad laughter. He knew that he had won and he didn't care about the consequences. All that mattered was that he managed to outsmart them again, showing them how helpless they were against him. He would always come back and there was nothing they could do.

Then, he felt it. The spring lock snapped, coming loose and piercing his skin and flesh, closing in on him like a bear trap. He screamed in pain, only for him to suddenly gurgle, his voice drowning in the blood as his vocal cords got severed. The whole suit was shaking as he was ripped apart by the metal and plastic, his organs being punctured and teared. He fell down on the floor, occasionally twitching and staring blankly ahead. Blood was flowing around him, staining the matted suit and filling his lungs. It was a slow, agonizing death.

All he couldn't think of was the previous spring-lock failure he had experienced. He made it out alive, albeit scarred. This time, he knew that he wouldn't survive, but he didn't care either. He wanted this. Despite the anguish, he still managed to smile. His vision slowly became blurry as he observed the five children in front of him. They hoped that he would finally perish, but he knew that that wouldn't be the case. They would never win.

He tried to laugh as darkness overtook him, but the only thing that could be heard was a gurgling sound as he drowned in his own blood. Then, he was no more.

xXx

Springtrap shuddered at the memory. Even though he did embrace his death, he still wasn't comfortable with being reminded of the agony he went through to achieve this state.

''You know, it's still insane that you willingly went through this,'' Sam said.

''As I have already told you, I can't think clear when I panic,'' Springtrap replied. ''Besides, the Spring Bonnie suit may have been a deathtrap, but it did prove useful.''

''Only to you,'' Sam said in a deadpan tone, with Springtrap lowering his head. ''I mean, you told me that everyone else who attempted to wear it suffered from severe injuries or had even died.''

''To be honest, the Spring Bonnie suit didn't really claim many victims as I was the one who would usually wear it,'' Springtrap replied, hoping to cheer Sam up.

''I'm not sure whether I should be comforted by that thought, considering the reason why you used it,'' Sam said in a chilling tone. Springtrap's ears lowered, with him feeling a pit in his stomach. Sam tilted her head, adding, ''Besides, why would you even want to make such deadly suits?''

''I told you that they were Henry's idea, although we both worked on them,'' Springtrap explained. ''They were supposed to be practical, not deadly; and they actually were, if you knew how to handle them. If the suit was well maintained, the chance of the spring locks coming loose was low.''

''So, what went wrong?'' Sam asked.

''The moment Henry or I were out of picture, people stopped caring. We made a set of rules about how the suits were supposed to be handled, but it was obvious that those guys from Fazbear Entertainment weren't listening,'' Springtrap explained. ''You already know that it didn't end well for them.''

''Yeah, but it's not like they didn't try to bring Freddy's back to its former glory. Ironically, this time it was you and Henry who had the final word, considering what happened at Fazbear's Fright and Henry's fake location,'' Sam pointed out. ''I do hope they won't mess the new location up.''

''That remains to be seen,'' Springtrap said.

''Speaking of which,'' Sam leaned against the pillow, ''I still feel that it would've been awesome had Fazbear's Fright stayed open.''

''Even with a murderous animatronic roaming around?'' Springtrap's eyes glowed purple as he saw Sam's smile disappearing. ''Exactly. However, I don't think that the location would've lasted long enough regardless of the fire. Either Henry or I would've shut it down in our own way.''

''It must've been shocking for you to see him there,'' Sam said.

''It was at first, as I didn't expect to see him again,'' Springtrap said, briefly pausing. ''Also, I believe that he felt the same when he saw me, especially after realizing that I was dead.''

He could still remember the look of disbelief on Henry's expression as it dawned him who exactly was standing across him, with only a glass panel separating him. The animatronic he was trying to keep away was no one else but his deceased friend, now suffering the same fate as the children he murdered.

''What have you become?''

Springtrap recalled the brief flash of pity on Henry's expression, knowing that his old friend wouldn't wish such horrific fate on anyone, but it was gone in the next moment, when he realized that Springtrap wasn't some kind of mindless animatronic and that the true monster was in control of the robot. The following nights turned into a game of survival, with Springtrap attempting to hunt Henry down and murder him.

''He was horrified to see me like this,'' Springtrap added. ''But, once he realized that I was out there to murder him, he knew that he had to get rid off me, one way or another, and the fire at Fazbear's Fright gave him the idea how to do that.''

''It may not have stopped you, but it did damage the suit, didn't it?'' Sam said.

''Yeah, it did. The substitute suit I made wasn't exactly the best, but it was enough for me to get by,'' Springtrap added, with Sam giggling. He gave her a confused look. ''What is it?''

''Nothing really,'' Sam replied, still smiling. ''I just thought about how unusually different it was... Scraptrap.''

Springtrap crossed his arms, frowning and leaning over.

''You know, it wasn't that easy to rebuild a damaged suit,'' he told her, his eyes glowing purple.

Sam tried to look serious, but the amusement she felt still lingered on her expression. He didn't blame her, aware that the suit he used after wasn't exactly the greatest in appearance, but nevertheless, it did the job. He also managed to repair the voice box and fully take control over the suit rather than having an annoying AI force him to follow the programming.

''You may not recognize me at first, but I assure you, it's still me.''

''In any case, Scrap Baby, Molten Freddy and I tried to get into Henry's fake restaurant- I know I'm an idiot for knowing it was a trap and entering the place regardless,'' Springtrap interrupted Sam just as she opened her mouth to comment on it. ''I actually expected to find some kind of exit.''

''Not that you did,'' Sam said sarcastically. ''However, you did encounter Michael.''

''It wasn't exactly the family reunion everyone hoped for,'' Springtrap replied, recalling the small, dark room he was placed in.

It was just him and a man he saw earlier when he was brought here. He was covered in bandages, with a baseball cap placed low, obscuring his eyes. They were both listening to a tape Henry had left, following by strange noises. The man would occasionally glance down, writing something on the piece of paper and look up, staring at the animatronic.

''Father…''

He had grown agitated when he realized who exactly brought him here. He was stunned and attempted to reach for Michael, only to find himself tazed. He didn't know whether his son was mocking him or was just following the instructions he had been given. However, he did know that this wouldn't be the last time they would see each other.

''I never expected to see him again,'' Springtrap admitted. ''Looking back now, I don't think I felt anything, aside from the constant bloodlust.''

''Honestly, I am glad that you've been lured into that trap, because who knows what would've happened if you didn't,'' Sam said.

''I agree with you, even though I hated Henry for trapping us,'' Springtrap replied, his eyes flaring purple as he remembered the inferno consuming the building. He recalled the feeling of horror as he realized that he was trapped inside a maze, with fire surrounding him. He knew that this was the end and that he couldn't do anything about it. It didn't help that he was listening to Henry's last message ominously echoing through the building.

''Although, for one of you, the darkest pit of Hell has opened to swallow you whole, so don't keep the Devil waiting, old friend.''

''Not that it lasted long…'' he muttered, frowning.

''Will?'' Springtrap glanced at Sam, noticing her worried expression.

''It's okay,'' he said in a comforting tone. ''What I meant to say is that, while Henry was right about me landing in Hell, I still came back, and, as I had promised you, I'm going to stay.'' He glanced at his suit. ''Still, I didn't really expect to end up in another animatronic suit. Although, this one isn't that bad as it's-''

''Cute?'' Sam said, grinning sheepishly.

''Actually, I meant that it's practical as it isn't torn or damaged in an way,'' Springtrap replied in a deadpan tone, his eyes flaring purple as he leaned over, with Sam looking creeped out. ''Besides, this doesn't mean that I'm less dangerous. You know that my modus operandi was to gain people's trust, only to murder them later.''

''Yeah, I am aware of that,'' Sam muttered. Springtrap's eyes stopped glowing as he tilted his head, a look of guilt on his expression.

''Still, that doesn't mean that I don't regret what I did. It's kind of insane that it took me going through Hell and several conversations with you to realize that,'' he said, seemingly reminiscing. ''To be honest, I am glad that you know what happened.''

The look Sam gave him was a mix of worry and curiosity, with Springtrap petting her on the head in an assuring manner, even though Sam was still suspicious when he backed away. However, all Springtrap thought about was the conversation he had with Henry.

''What kind of legacy do you want to leave behind this time?''

You know, Henry, there are some things that shouldn't be forgotten. Springtrap's eyes glowed in a soft purple. You were right not to trust me.

xXx

''Davis!''

Connor sighed as he heard the manager calling out for him. He was busy fixing and cleaning Quentin, as a few kids spilled their soda on him. However, Connor was convinced that they purposely threw the soda at the animatronic when he didn't do something they wanted. The fact that one of the parents started to complain about the animatronic didn't help.

''Yes, sir?'' Connor glanced at his manager, who was staring at him impatiently.

''We have two upcoming birthday parties on the same day and I was told that they wanted to rent the animatronics for the private party,'' he said.

''Have they specified which ones they want?'' Connor asked.

''Both want Ricky, so you will have to jump in. Also, one party wants the swan animatronic and the other one wants the cat,'' the manager added.

''I understand,'' Connor said, with the manager leaving.

Connor continued working on Quentin, frowning as he thought about the birthday parties. He knew that the animatronics wouldn't leave those parties in the best conditions and was already thinking about how to make them kid-proof.

However, while annoyed, he also saw this as an opportunity. Considering what he had achieved, he knew that he wouldn't even have to dress up as Ricky for the birthday party, as he had a spare endoskeleton back at the factory which he could use. Not to mention, he had finally perfected the programming he was working on so he was certain that the animatronics would listen to him. That would allow him to roam freely through the building without having other employees looking for him.

Another thing that was on his mind was the fact that, if Spring Bonnie was indeed William Afton, he needed to somehow get his attention. He had no idea where he, or that teen, was, so he needed to do something to force him to return here. He glanced at the animatronic, grinning.

Maybe an accident would lure him out.

xXx

Springtrap stared at the black device he had taken away from the Raven. It was now late evening and Sam told him that they would leave soon. She also wanted to pack some things that she figured would be necessary for tonight, so Springtrap went to his room to take the device, feeling it might help them.

He then went downstairs, still clutching the device in his hand, and waited for Sam in the hallway. Emma, who had recovered from her headache, was sitting on the couch, watching TV. Springtrap glanced at her nervously, knowing that he needed to admit his idea to Emma. He was afraid of her response, but knew that it would get worse if he kept it a secret. He shivered as he recalled the last time he and Sam let Emma figure out on her own what they were hiding.

''So, you two are leaving?'' Springtrap was startled when Emma suddenly addressed him, despite the fact that she didn't look angry or anything like that.

''Yeah, and I promise I'll keep an eye on Sam,'' Springtrap replied, a feeling of dread spreading through his chest as he wondered how to explain the situation to Emma. He then noticed Emma glaring at his suspiciously, with the feeling of dread worsening. Stop being such a coward and tell her already!

''Is there something you want to tell me?'' Emma asked, with Springtrap realizing that the reason why she was suspicious was because he was staring blankly at her the whole time. I really need to do something about this. I'm acting like an idiot. He sighed.

''I wanted to tell you that you were right about me acting like I'm Sam's father,'' he admitted anxiously. ''I kind of considered the idea…''

He trailed off when Emma stood up, glaring at him. To say that she wasn't happy about what he just told her was an understatement. He backed away, glad that he was dead, because it looked like Emma was about to kill him then and there.

''I-I know it's wrong of me to act like this…'' he added quickly.

''What exactly makes you think that you're fit to even act as if you're Sam's father?'' Emma said in a threatening tone. Springtrap shivered, wishing that she was yelling at him instead, as he was more afraid of the tranquil fury she had shown. He lowered his head.

''It was just an idea…'' he muttered, trying to avoid Emma's glare.

''Remember what I have told you?'' Emma asked, with Springtrap nodding.

''I still have a lot to improve as a person, don't I?'' he said.

''At least you admitted it,'' Emma said, still glaring at him, her arms crossed. ''However, it would be better for you to not bring up this topic again, Afton.''

''I'm sorry…'' Springtrap knew that he needed to shut up before he made this situation worse. He knew that Emma was only tolerating him because of Sam and him trying to make any suggestions that would anger her was a death sentence. Not to mention, she was indeed right, as he really hadn't done anything that proved that he could be a responsible parent. Just keeping Sam happy wasn't enough.

''Hey, Spring, are you coming?''

Emma and Springtrap turned to Sam, who seemed to be quietly waiting for them to end their argument. Both felt a little awkward, realizing that she had heard everything. Springtrap then nodded, quietly joining her, with the two leaving the house.

Just how do I manage to always mess things up?!

xXx

''Carry my soul into the night, may the stars light my way. I glory in the sight, as darkness takes the day…''

Springtrap stared through the window at the landscape as Sam was driving them to the factory. He was quiet the whole time, listening to the music Sam put on, the song that played being In Noctem from the movie Harry Potter & The Half-Blood Prince. He and Sam hadn't talked at all the whole ride and he figured that Sam decided not to bother him about his conversation with Emma. The whole situation just felt sort of embarrassing. Not to mention, he still had to deal with other things, especially now that he knew that Henry was also keeping an eye on him. Suddenly, something drew his attention.

(Link: Lily's Theme - Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows)

''Sam, could you please stop the car?''

''Sure,'' Sam said, looking over at the place Springtrap was staring at. It was the local cemetery.

She rose an eyebrow as she parked the car nearby, wondering what Springtrap was up to this time. She also hoped that they wouldn't be seen. She then exited the car along with Springtrap, the latter staring at the entrance, only to going inside, with Sam following him. She wondered if there was any specific grave he wanted to visit, especially since he looked as if he knew where he was going.

Sam looked around, noticing her grandparents' graves further away and remembering how she and her mother would visit their graves every year on All Saints' Day to light candles, put flowers and even pray for their souls. Sure, her mother didn't have exactly the greatest relationship with her parents, but she would still come here to pay her respects. Sam never really asked her about it, guessing that her mother may have had some regrets about things ending up like this. She also noticed that the grass needed to be trimmed and there were also flowers that would be considered weed growing around the place. She glanced at Springtrap again, who seemed to be determined to find whatever he was searching for.

Springtrap didn't pay any attention to the newer graves, going deeper and deeper into the cemetery. There was a feeling of emptiness spreading through his chest as he started to recognize this part of the cemetery. He wasn't sure why he was doing this, but he knew that he was close to them. In the end, he found the two small graves he was searching for. It was quite dark and he had to step closer to read the names on the tombstones, but he already knew what was written on them.

Elizabeth… Sammy…

He stared at the graves, somehow alive and knowing that the bodies of his own children were buried beneath. Even though he knew where they were, he never visited their final resting place.

They're gone… Nothing can bring them back…

Something inside him just broke. He clenched his fist, unable to feeling anything but that cold sense of emptiness which was gradually consuming his mind and soul. Blood started to form on the corner of his eyes, which were glowing in a soft purple. He recalled what Emma told him, feeling a pit in his stomach.

This is your reward for all the horrors you had done. What makes you believe that there won't be another grave?

He closed his eyes, torn between his desire to put the past behind him and the fact that there was no way that he could do that. It would always haunt him.

''Will…'' He felt Sam tugging his arm and glanced at her, stunned to see her holding two tiny bouquets she made out of the weed flowers that were growing in the cemetery. ''I know they're not much…'' she added, glancing at a nearby grave that had several, elaborately designed flower wreaths placed on it, ''but I thought that it wouldn't be a bad thing to put them on their graves…''

Sam was startled when Springtrap suddenly hugged her.

''You're amazing…'' he whispered, with Sam smiling compassionately as she hugged him back. She knew that this meant a lot to him. Springtrap then let go of her, taking the bouquets from Sam and placing them on the graves. The two then looked at the graves in silence, with Sam glancing at Springtrap, who sighed. He then looked at her, nodding, with Sam knowing that it was time to leave.

However, as they walked through the cemetery, Springtrap's attention was drawn by two other graves. He stopped, stepping closer. Sam joined him, realizing that those two graves were Henry and Charlie's. She glanced at Springtrap, whose expression was unreadable. However, it did seem that he was affected by seeing their graves. Sam meanwhile noticed another lone grave further away, checking on it. Her eyes widened as she realized whose grave it was.

''Will, look at this,'' she called out for him. Springtrap joined her, only to be surprised by what he saw.

''Michael Afton,'' he muttered.

''I guess that he used his actual name for during his stay at the last location,'' Sam said. ''Considering only he and Henry perished, it wouldn't have been hard to figure out who the other person was that they needed to bury once they checked the names of the employees.''

''You're right,'' Springtrap said, only to suddenly see Sam picking flowers again and hand them over to him. Instead of one, she made three bouquets, placing them on Michael, Henry and Charlie's graves. The two then stepped back, with Springtrap feeling a little strange about this.

He had been used to the knowledge of being able to tie spirits to some kind of contraption to keep them here, often forgetting that, once a person dies, they're gone. Sure, he knew that there was some kind of afterlife, but not everyone believed that. If things weren't like this, he too probably would've believed that there was nothing for him after death.

''I know that cemeteries aren't usually the greatest places to visit, unless you're into creepy stuff,'' Sam said, drawing his attention. ''However, visiting one during the night, when everyone came to pay their respects to the deceased, you can see hundreds of candles lit, making it look like a sea of light. I would always tell my Mum that it felt as if those lights were the souls of the dead that came to visit the living,'' she looked at Springtrap. ''In a way, this kind of experience is both haunting and beautiful.''

Springtrap nodded, glancing back at the graves and sighing as he tried to calm down.

Some things cannot be forgotten, nor forgiven…

''Let's go,'' he told Sam, who followed him back to the gate. Springtrap frowned as he closed it, looking back at the graves, some of which had candles flickering. It wasn't a sea of light, but it did feel as if someone was still there, unsure whether to move on or not.

I shouldn't be rushing into making decisions. Despite everything that happened, I am still at a crossroad.

Links:

#Previous Chapter

#Current Chapter

#Next Chapter

#Five Nights at Freddy's: The Untold Story (Masterlist)

#Five Nights at Freddy's: The Untold Story #Five Nights at Freddy's: Salvaged #Listen to Lily's Theme from Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows for this chapter.#There is a link to it.#william afton #springtrap #five nights at freddy's #fnaf

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shotorozu · 3 years

Note

hi hello! so i saw your requests were open and i had an idea sitting for a while now

i always listen to anime playlists (especially haikyuu ones) and i'd wonder what mha characters (bakugo, shinso, and todoroki) think if they saw their s/o listening to those

i think their reaction would be pretty hilarious especially when the playlist titles are "committing arson with tendou" or "hiding bodies with kuroo" (these are real playlists btw)

anyways i hope you have a good day! you don't have to do this request if you dont want to, take your time!(◍•ᴗ•◍)

their s/o listens to anime playlists

character(s) : bakugou katsuki, shinsou hitoshi, todoroki shouto (bnha)

legend : [Y/N = your name] they/them pronouns used, quirk not specific

headcanon type : fluff, crack-ish (x reader)

note(s) : those playlists will have the best songs, but also the weirdest titles to ever exist 💀 anyways, i decided that i want to make a separate masterlist for requests because of that new tumblr update. also,, this is quite short?? there’s not that much detail in the nuances this time around.

»»————-　♡　————-««

bakugou katsuki

i headcanon that bakugou has a picky music taste, so if he likes the music that’s in your playlist— then you probably have a good taste in music

“what song is this?” he asks when he’s driving you both to a date, his sudden peak of interest has you beaming

“oh, it’s from a playlist i found on spotify, i have a bunch of them. you could probably look through all of them.”

once the car reaches a red light, katsuki takes this chance to browse through the playlists you had— and that’s when he finds it.

he finds the playlists and their names, but they’re all named so,, oddly specific. ‘shaking ass with bokuto’ ‘making bank with kuroken’ ‘hiding bodies with oikawa’

his reaction is literally like this emoji🤨 clearly appalled by the strange names. “who the fuck named your playlists??”

“why, is there an issue?”

“first of all— i know you like that shitty volleyball anime, but HIDING BODIES WITH OIKAWA?? WHAT ARE YOU ON?”

you chortle at his reaction, and he doesn’t have an option to react— due to the red light turning green.

he can only grumble. you’re lucky that he loves you regardless of your weird spotify playlists.

he won’t say that outloud, but if it was any other person, he would’ve threatened to chuck them out the car

okay but you still have a music taste, so katsuki does end up using the playlists 😭 the bakusquad thinks he went crazy

shinsou hitoshi

he doesn’t really care about what your music taste is. doesn’t matter if you listen to the chainsmokers, or clairo. because it’s not like you’re the type to judge HIS music taste

but he does really like your choice of music, and he frequently allows you to blast music during random hours of the day.

hitoshi waits for you to finish showering on his bed, listening to the music you chose to blast while you were in the shower

you suddenly call out to him, “‘toshi, can you switch the song? i think i accidentally left it on shuffle.”

the purple haired boy chuckles, remembering the last time you left your playlist on shuffle, “got it, what song do you want me to change it to?”

“you pick!”

he walks to your phone and opens up spotify, but he can only blink at the amount of odd and nearly absurd playlist names

he can only read each playlist in silence, questioning the motive behind each playlist

why are you like this??🧍

he eventually does change the song, and when you finally get out of the shower— he’s silent.

“‘jumping off a cliff with bokuto kotarou’ is quite an interesting name.” he simply says, a knowing smirk gracing his usually tired features

“y-you saw THAT?”

“how could i not? you asked me to change the songs, did you?” and he’s not wrong. “2 hours is a pretty long playlist, don’t you think? that’s a large ass cliff.”

“i hate you,”

“well i love you too.”

rip to you 💀 he’ll hold this moment above your head.

todoroki shouto

his music taste is IMMACULATE, but he does seem to share your music taste when you guys get together, doesn’t matter what kind of genre (just maybe not noise music)

shouto would be that type of person that would actually listen to the songs you recommend him, and he’ll share his piece of mind unlike some people

everytime you and shouto go somewhere, he plays three songs of his choice first— and for the rest of the car ride, the music choice is up to you.

“it’s your turn, Y/N. you can pick your music,” he says with a small smile, when he sees that you’re ecstatic to have the aux cord

you were feeling particularly lazy that day, so you decide to open your playlist through voice “siri/alexa/google, open ‘burning ushijima’s farm with oikawa tooru’”

MAN IS SO CONFUSED WHEN HE HEARS THAT, and he whips his head in your direction— staring in confusion

luckily, the car has reached a stop light— because he would’ve accidentally slammed on the breaks. “burning ushijima’s farm with oikawa??”

“oh, thats the playlist i have. do you prefer the ‘committing arson with tendou satori’ playlist instead?”

and he’s wondering on WHY YOU HAVE not one, but— TWO PLAYLISTS DEDICATED TO FIRE?? “love, do you actually want to commit arson with those characters?”

like,, he’s RIGHT there. icyhot is right beside you 🙄 “oh well, it’s quite the name for a playlist, isn’t it? and the songs are amazing too!”

shouto blinks, and turns his head to face the road— “it’s,, something, i suppose. but the names are quite lovely. they fit you.” he says with a small genuine smile

HUH?? that really did surprise you.

shouto ends up downloading several of your playlists on his phone— ultimately scaring the dekusquad when they see it on his phone.

»»————-　♡　————-««

likes and reblogs are appreciated, thanks for reading!

i do not own bnha/mha and it’s characters. boku no hero academia/my hero academia belongs to horikoshi kohei, i only own the writing and i do not profit off of my hobby

do not plagiarize, reupload, translate, or use my works for audio readings without permission

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hanoella · 3 years

Text

Affettuoso- With Feeling (Part 3)

Pairing: Bucky x Pianist!Reader

Set after the events of TFATWS: In an effort to start over and make a home in Louisiana, Bucky meets a friend of Sam’s who ends up being his landlord. With only a driveway to separate them, he finds that he’s not the only one looking for a fresh start.

Series tags/warnings: Slow Burn, Eventual Bucky x Reader, Mentions of Domestic Abuse, Canon Level Violence

Part 3 Word Count: 3k

A/N: Can you tell I don't really have a posting schedule? lol. I also introduced links to the specific pieces I had in mind. I'm using soundcloud because I don't think everyone has access to spotify. Trying to be reader friendly! This can be read with or without the audio, as I do my best to still convey the thought in the fic. Though if you can, I highly recommend :)

Thanks again for all your support! Every heart and comment motivates me and is just so wonderful

Read Part 1; Masterlist

---

A few days had passed since the night that Bucky had overheard your troubles. It had been quiet since, and you hadn’t left the house. The curtains were opened during the day and closed at night, the only telltale signs that you existed.

Doesn’t she have to work? Bucky thought to himself. He speculated all the different possibilities as he used the riding mower around the property. Maybe you were an heiress? You seemed pretty down to earth though. Or maybe you sold a patented idea for a ton of money. All this land had to have been expensive. And to not request actual money from him?

He eyed up the width of the gate for your fence. The riding mower couldn’t fit so he would have to use a push mower for your fenced off yard. He hadn’t seen one in the garage. Maybe the old shed at the back of your yard had one? Bucky parked the mower in the garage, taking a moment to make a mental list of everything. Depending on if he found anything in the shed, he might need to buy a few basic tools and a chainsaw for that fallen tree.

He walked out of the garage and over to the shed. The leaves were changing color and it brought a whole new atmosphere to the secluded forest area. Opening the gate of the weathered white fence, he looked around to see if you were out. No signs of life. Entering the yard and closing the gate behind him, he started walking to the back. Halfway through, he stopped at the fire pit. The grey stone blocks were starting to crumble, with a few of the bricks having fallen off. It would probably be really nice if he got a little bit of cement mix and filled in the gaps. Bucky made another mental note.

The shed had no padlock so he was able to open it with no problem. Amongst the cobwebs and bags of soil, was an older green push mower that looked like it might work. He gave the gas a pull and got no response back. Looking underneath, Bucky saw what might be the problem. He’d have to take a closer look later. Putting the lawn mower back onto its wheels, he pushed it across the yard, pausing when he saw movement though the glass doors of the back patio.

Craning his neck to avoid the glare, he saw you sitting at your fancy full keyboard. The way the piano was against the opposite wall, your back was to him. You had big over-ear headphones plugged into it, so he couldn’t hear the sound but he saw the flurry of keys being pressed down. Whatever you were playing, you played passionately. Hands and arms gracefully moved despite the speed at which they were moving. Enhanced hearing coming into play, he heard the muffled clicks of the fluttering keys. Suddenly, you pressed down forcefully, holding whatever chord you had struck as your shoulders gently relaxed. A deep breath. Arm creating a graceful arc as if you had studied ballet, you pressed gently on another chord. And another. Bucky counted three more times you did this before you let your hands gently fall from the keys to your lap. Several moments passed before slid the headphones off of your ears to sit wrapped around your neck. Another deep breath. This time as the breath escaped you, you stayed slouched, head tilting up to stare at nothing on the wall.

A buzz broke Bucky from his trance.

“Call me, new mission” The text from Sam on his home screen said.

He pocketed his phone, glancing through the glass one more time. There you still sat.

Unmoving.

---

The roar of the plane’s engine was just loud enough to drown out Bucky’s thoughts without being annoying. If it weren’t for the adrenaline of the recovery mission under the cover of nightfall, he probably would’ve been lulled to sleep. Beside him sat Sam, looking on his phone for the exact coordinates of the politician they had been sent to rescue.

“Here it is. I’m assuming there’s some sort of underground base since there are no heat signatures anywhere within the radius where he was taken. It should take us about ten more minutes before we’re directly over it.”

Bucky hummed in acknowledgement.

Sam raised an eyebrow. “Earth to Bucky.”

“What does your friend do?” Bucky asked suddenly, sitting up straighter and turning towards him.

“… What?”

“What does she do? I’ve never seen her leave the house. Is she okay?”

“If you’re asking why she doesn’t leave the house, it’s because her contract doesn’t start for a while. She’s technically still supposed to be in physical therapy but she hasn’t found a place yet. You know, your whole routine gets messed up when you move.”

“For her shoulder?”

Now it was Sam’s turn to look at Bucky, trying to decipher the motive behind these questions. Bucky shifted his weight in the chair, antsy under the scrutiny.

“Never mind, I-”

“Yes, for her shoulder.” Sam said, cutting him off. He stopped himself from asking why Bucky wanted to know. There was an awkward pause before Bucky explained himself.

“I just wanted to know. I’m not used to seeing people so…”

“Similar to yourself?”

“I was gonna say isolated but fair point.” Bucky admitted. Sam leaned back in his chair, looking straight forward.

“She’s been through a lot… I know you heard some of it.”

Bucky blinked in surprise.

“I realized the window was open when I could hear you drive off.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s alright, it’s good that you know.” Sam said as he held up his hand to cut Bucky off.

“She’s just trying to get a fresh start. She’s in a raw emotional space and in the meantime is a little skittish. Just like someone else I know.” Sam jabbed his elbow into Bucky’s side as he enunciated the last sentence.

“Okay, okay, I get it. I’m trying!” He shouted as he held one hand up defensively and using the other to block the second jab Sam was trying to get in. Sam chuckled and then stood up, grabbing a parachute pack and tossing it at Bucky, who caught it without even looking.

“Figured you might wanna try an actual chute this time.”

Bucky rolled his eyes and mouthed Sam’s words mockingly with a grimace as he put the backpack on. Clipping it into place, he joined Sam at the side door of the plane.

“She used to play in an orchestra you know.” Sam said wistfully. “The piano. That’s actually how we met. She had volunteered to play a small concert before the dinner. It really helped raise a lot of money for the VA.”

Bucky stayed silent, prompting him to continue.

“Then that bastard she was engaged to beat her and then shoved her down a set of concrete steps when she tried to leave him. It was like a month after we all came back. She was in the hospital for a while. Broken ribs, broken shoulder, and a nasty concussion to boot. Neighbor saw the whole thing and called the cops but the courts were so backed up and the case fell through the cracks. Wouldn’t leave her alone after he got out. So, I pulled some strings and helped her move down here on the fly.”

“… That’s terrible.”

Bucky didn’t know what to say or how to react. They stood in silence, taking a moment to pay a respect of sorts to the trials you have been through. Then Sam broke the silence.

“She just needs time to heal in more ways than one. But she’s strong. Resilient.”

Putting a hand on Bucky’s shoulder, he squeezed it lightly with reassurance.

“Reminds me of someone else I know.” Sam said, finishing the conversation and pulling his goggles over his eyes, giving Bucky the opportunity to take the compliment without feeling too on the spot.

Pulling the door open, Sam shouted over the wind.

“Ready?”

Bucky nodded. Sam jumped from the plane and deployed the wings, the shield shining in the moonlight. Bucky jumped right behind him, using the glint of the silver star to guide his descent as he followed the man that gave the shield its meaning.

---

You laid with your head down on the kitchen table, letting the last golden rays of sun warm the side of your face. You were exhausted from going to physical therapy, especially since today had been the first appointment. All the measurements, all the exercises, all the stretching.

All the questions.

“So, how did you break your shoulder?” the young blonde physical therapist asked.

“Ah, I… fell down some stairs.” You said, looking down at your hands in your lap.

She didn’t look up from the papers, instead just raising an eyebrow.

“You also cracked some ribs and had a concussion?”

“… They were concrete.”

She looked up from the papers at you, analyzing. Her gaze softened and she asked no further questions on how these serious injuries had been obtained.

“Let’s look at your range of motion.”

You had practically stumbled into the house, kicking off your sneakers and plopping down at the kitchen table. Minutes passed by as you regained your breath, heartbeat steadying. The house was slightly cold since you had turned the heat down this morning. As your sweat cooled, you wrapped your arms around your legs in an attempt to keep you warm without getting up.

The sun feels so warm… You thought to yourself drowsily, feeling slightly less lonely. The sun was a cheap substitute for the warmth of a partner…

---

You jolted upright, the kitchen dark and cold. Neck and shoulder stiff from the awkward position you had dozed off in. Feeling the dryness of your mouth, you got up, stretching your neck gently while you walked to the fridge to get water. Chugging about half the bottle, you squinted at the clock. You had been asleep for about forty-five minutes. Groaning, you put the bottle down on the counter and walked into the living room to close the curtains. Grabbing one in each hand, you went to pull them together when you hesitated, noticing that Bucky’s apartment was dark for the third day in a row. The sleek motorbike that was usually parked under the slight overhang of the garage was missing as well.

He was probably on a mission, right? Not that it was any of your business. You shut the curtains and turned off the lights before lightly padded down the hall, stopping to adjust the thermostat. The heat kicked on, sending a puff of cold air your way. You shivered as you walked with a quickened pace to your room, shutting the door and heading into the master bathroom, turning the hot water on with just a tad of cold.

Waiting for the shower to warm up, you leaned over the sink and looked into the mirror. Dark circles under your eyes. Small scar on the bridge of your nose. Running your hand through the roots of your hair, you felt for the scar where the stitches had been. When was the last time you had a haircut? Or put on some makeup?

Some higher being must’ve felt pity for you since the steam from the shower fogged the glass, preventing you from tearing yourself apart any further. Stepping underneath the warm stream, you let the warmth seep into your muscles, then bones, filling every fracture and break with a temporary sense of wholeness until the emptiness of your heart and home caused it slowly to drip out until it, along with you, was gone.

---

The next morning, you weren’t motivated to do anything. You lounged around the house, sipping on coffee and browsing on your phone for furniture, clothes, even sneaking a peak at some pianos. Wanting to invest in one you’d use for the next several decades, you had put off buying one until the money from your contract with the orchestra started in a month. You were still well off, nowhere near struggling and probably wouldn’t ever be unless you decided to buy a mansion (which was a no). You just wanted to be careful.

In the afternoon, you popped a pain killer and muscle relaxer in preparation for the few hours you wanted to practice. Thirty minutes went by and the ever-present ache in your shoulder calmed enough to let you practice with relative peace. Sitting on the bench in front of the keyboard, you pondered what you might play to warm up.

Hmm, maybe a Chopin prelude? Short, emotional, familiar.

Your left hand held the soft deep chords as your right hand softly flitted around the higher notes. Breathing in and out with the music, you tried to ignore the ache that start to surround your shoulder.

Playing the last few notes, you paused before reaching over to the bottle of painkillers.

---

Shortly after finishing up, you dragged a small table outside next to the wooden bench swing that was hanging on the porch. Bundled up in a soft sweatshirt, long-sleeve shirt, wool lined leggings, fuzzy socks and slippers, you brought out your hot tea, several blankets, a pillow, and a book you had been meaning to read for months. You were determined to do something besides practice, watch TV, and scroll on your phone.

You settled onto the bench, wrapping the blanket around you, nice and toasty from the layers trapping in the heat of a thorough practice session. The extra medication had really helped keep the pain at bay. Tentatively sipping the steaming cup, you closed your eyes to further appreciate the sweet tones of peach and honey. Setting the cup in your lap with one hand, you used your other hand to flip open to the first page.

---

Bucky hadn’t expected the mission to get so complicated. Finding the base was one thing, navigating in and out of the expansive maze was another. It took a few days to successfully get the target out and back to the embassy. He hadn’t properly slept during that time due to taking shifts with Sam. Not that it was any different from how he slept at home.

The sun was letting its last few rays bless the earth when he turned onto the driveway. Taking it easy on the gravel, he eased his posture and slowed the bike. He put pressure on the brakes as he made it past the final wall of trees that hid the water that was reflecting the last bit of color left in the sky. Rolling casually into a stop, he parked and let out a deep breath, shoulders sinking.

A stray bird calling out turned his attention in the direction of your house. The porch light was on. That’s new, he thought. Squinting his eyes, he saw a bundle on the porch swing. Was that you? Quietly walking over while taking his leather gloves off, he confirmed his suspicions. There you were, lying on your side propped up by a large fuzzy pillow. Eyes closed and breathing rhythmically. Scanning the scene, he noticed the mug on the side table, empty except for the used teabag. Your book was closed, the page you were on marked by one of your fingers. You must’ve fallen asleep while reading.

“Hey…” Bucky said gently. No response besides a small nose scrunch.

He repeated himself a little louder, squatting to be at eye level while gently setting his hand on your arm and shaking you lightly. You groaned this time, eyes fluttering open, taking a moment to focus. You squinted and pushed yourself up into a sitting position, losing your place in the book and attempting to blink the heavy drowsiness from your eyes.

“Bucky?” You questioned hoarsely as you met his eyes. He was still crouching so you were looking slightly down at him. Brow furrowed, you searched the blue of his eyes before looking around to see how dark it had gotten. As you turned your head back to him, he stood back up, scratching the back of his neck just to occupy his hands.

“It’s starting to get cold. I didn’t want you to spend the rest of the night out here.” He explained, choosing to look out at the water, now dark. When he turned his head back, you had also turned your head to look at the water, exposing the side of your neck, the tendons and clavicle accentuated by the strain. Bucky swallowed and your eyes met his, oblivious.

“Ah, thank you. I must’ve fallen asleep reading. I just started going back to physical therapy so I’ve just been so wiped… Anyway,” you said, dismissing yourself mid-thought. He didn’t want to hear about all that. “…did you just come back from a mission?” You eyed the diagonal cuts of leather on his jacket, noting the missing sleeve that exposed the glint of the metal.

“Yeah. I was gone for a few days.”

“Okay. I’m glad you’re home safe.” You mindlessly said, picking up the book and other various items strewn about.

Home safe. What an unfamiliar phrase.

As the words echoed in his mind, you had opened the door and stepped in, turning your head slightly to look back at him.

“Thanks again… Good night.”

“Good night.” Bucky replied, watching as you shut the door softly behind you.

Slowly walking down the porch steps, he crossed the driveway to the garage. Turning his head just in time to see the last light turn off in your house, he stood with his hand on the knob, meditating on the effect that one short sentence had on him.

Glad you’re home safe. Was this what it was like when you had someone waiting on you at home? The tired eyes and gentle smile. Would that be what it was like when he came home in the middle of a night from a mission when he had someone to share a bed with? Gently shaking them to let them know he was home? Or would he try to sneak into bed without waking them? He tried to imagine what that sort of intimacy would be like as he entered his apartment and then his room. Unzipping his jacket and tossing it over a chair, he stripped down to his boxer briefs and climbed into bed, wondering what it would be like if it was already warm.

#bucky x y/n #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x female reader #bucky barnes fic #bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky imagine #SoundCloud

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illfoandillfie · 5 years

Note

Could we get a threesome with Joe and Ben bc I'm just a big whore??? Also ur like the queen of tiresome fics sooooo. If not that's okay! D18: Don't come yet + D13: Let me help you forget that jerk D12: let's put that mouth to good use + D47: all mine + B30: I'll always be here for you + b26: it's not morning yet Thank you lovie, congrats on you reaching a big milestone!!

Sorry this took so long to get to but you’re in luck!! I’ve been listening to Todd audios, I’m really in my Joe and Ben feels, and I’m also a big whore so threesome it is! (also dsjkfhksdhjfk if you’d told me this time last year that someone would call me the queen of threesome fics I’d have called you a fuckin liar. I’m just a dumbass virgin, I don’t know a goddamn thing about threesomes. Thank you so much)

Ended up a bit long so under the cut

D18 - Don’t cum yet + D13 - Let me help you forget that jerk + D12 - Let’s put that mouth to good use + D47 - All mine + B30 - I’ll always be here for you + B26 - it’s not morning

600 followers celebration blurb prompts

Nights out with Ben and Joe were never uneventful. Quiet nights in your favourite booth at your favourite bar somehow always managed to turn into drunken dancing or loud and offkey karaoke or any other number of activities you’d never do while sober. Things had gone differently tonight though. You’d had just enough to drink to dull the anxiety and inhibitions that usually pervaded your brain and kept you quiet, and had set your eyes on a very attractive young man standing by the bar. Ben and Joe cheered you on as you walked over to make your move. It went disastrously and the two men had quietly watched you walk back to your booth, head bent and shoulders slumped like you were trying to make yourself as small as possible. One look at your face and they were both hurrying to get you out of there, Ben rushing to pay the tab as Joe slung his arm around you and led you to the door. The two of you began the walk back to Ben’s place, slow enough that Ben had no trouble catching up.

“You wanna tell us what happened?” Joe said softly, still not letting go of you.

“He wasn’t in to me. Which is fine but he was really harsh about it.”

“Meaning?”

“Just said some stuff about my appearance and how I’m not the sort of chick he’d go for. Very detailed, he was.”

“Wanker.” Ben said loudly, “Insulting out Y/N. How fucking dare he. Shoulda given him a thump while I was at the bar.”

“Don’t know if that’s helping, bud.” Joe said, softer than Ben though that wasn’t hard. Looking down at you again he said, “C’mon, let’s get you home. We’ll find something to cheer you up.”

“Thanks guys,”

You did feel marginally better by the time you reached Ben’s door, his and Joe’s constant chatter enough to lift your spirits no matter what. Once inside Ben offered to get everyone another drink, suggesting a few rounds of drunk Mario Kart as a possible way to spend the night. You and Joe agreed, both of you flopping onto the couch like you lived there. You kicked off your shoes and leaned back into the couch. Joe kept looking at you, still a little worried by the way you’d been as you left the bar, but you seemed fine for the most part. Maybe a little quieter than usual but you’re always quiet until you get a few drinks in you and you hadn’t had quiet as much as you would have on another night. Ben came back, three glasses in his hands and a bottle of gin under his arm, distracting Joe.

“Not the best but it’s all I’ve got. You guys fucking cleaned me out last time and I haven’t had a chance to restock.” Ben dropped onto the couch on your other side, handing out the glasses and pouring everyone a few mouthfuls.

“Hey, we’re not the ones who just kept topping up glasses. You’re gonna run out of booze if you just throw them around willy-nilly.”

“Shut up Mazzello and drink. I’m going to demolish you.”

You stopped listening to them bickering over who won last time, taking a sip of the gin, still thinking about what the man at the bar as said. Suddenly the question spilt out of you, cutting through both their voices.

“Do you think I’m fuckable?”

“Jesus Y/N,”

“What are you talking about?”

“The guy at the bar. One of the things he said was I didn’t look properly fuckable. Said I looked too sweet to be a good fuck so he wouldn’t bother. Was he right?”

“Y/N, c’mon,”

“You’re our friend, love.”

“Yeah, we’re not gonna talk about you like that,”

“So he was right.”

Ben sighed and then tipped what remained in his glass down his throat, “Okay. I am going to tell you something right now, but only because you’re upset and you don’t deserve to have some wanker make you feel like this and I fucking hate seeing you thinking hateful things about yourself.”

“What is it?”

You felt Joe lean in on your other side, curious.

Ben squeezed his eyes shut like not being able to see you would make his confession easier, “Lately I’ve…fuck, lately I’ve been thinking about you while I wank.” He peeked at you through one eye when you didn’t respond, finding both you and Joe staring at him. That hadn’t been what you’d expected.

“Really?”

“Yeah, really?”

“Shut up Joe,” Ben said waving him off as he turned back to you, “yes, really.”

You paused, considering his words. It’d be a lie to say you’d never thought of Ben in the same situation. Or Joe for that matter. And it should have been enough to know Ben thought of you like that, the very idea making you shiver, making your heart quicken and your pants wet. But you wanted details. You wanted to know how he’d pictured you. Maybe you could use it later.

“Anything specific?”

“Honestly?” Now that he’d gotten over the initial embarrassment of admitting what he’d been doing he was much more open to discussing it, the weight of his hand suddenly far more noticeable against your knee. “I like the idea of making you lose control. You’re usually so softly spoken and polite and I don’t know, stuck in your own head I guess, and I kind of want to change that. There’s one fantasy I keep going back to. You, tied to my bed, begging. I keep imagining you moaning my name, so desperate that you’ll say anything, do anything without hesitating or overthinking.”

Without knowing when exactly, you’d begun panting. Ben smirked at you, fully aware of the effect he’d had on you.

“Well shit,” Joe said, breaking through the haze in your brain, “That was hotter than what I’ve been picturing.”

“Y-you’ve been picturing?”

“You didn’t think Ben was the only one, did you? We’ve spent enough nights together to have me…wondering. Started after I crashed at yours one time, few months ago, I was on the couch and you snuck out to the kitchen for a drink of water, wearing just the shirt I let you borrow that you never returned.”

“Sorry,”

“Looks better on you anyway. I assume you had panties on underneath but I couldn’t see them. Couldn’t help thinking maybe you didn’t. And then I couldn’t stop thinking about bending you over the sink. Ended up having a shower at three in the morning just to get off cause I couldn’t stop thinking about how good your cunt would feel. Amongst other things.”

“Other things?” you whimpered as Ben’s hand slid further up your thigh but when you turned to look, Joe caught your chin and brought your attention back to him.

“What d’you say you let me and Ben help you forget that jerk from the bar. We’ll fuck you the way you deserve.”

You weren’t sure you’d be able to do more than whimper if you opened your mouth so you nodded, eyes locked onto Joe’s.

“No, baby, you gotta talk,” Ben said softly, his hand replacing Joe’s on your chin as he turned your head to look at him, “wanna hear you ask for it.”

You could feel your face heating up, the words catching in your throat.

“Don’t be shy princess,” Joe said softly against your ear.

“Please fuck me,” you squeaked.

“That’s our good girl,” Ben’s praise sent a wave of heat straight to your core before he leaned in to kiss you. He was firm but soft, holding you still as he gently encouraged you to part your lips for him. Joe leaned in to suck at your neck, one hand resting on your waist as the other began moving slowly up your leg. You whined as he tickled the apex of your thigh.

“Oh she sounds so needy already. What d’ya say we get her out of those clothes.”

Ben pulled you to your feet and reached for the hem of your shirt. Joe, still sitting on the couch, wrapped his arms around your waist and began unbuttoning your shorts, leaving a line of kisses down your thigh as he began wriggling them off you. It was overwhelming, your brain not knowing who to focus on as Joe sucked a hickey into your leg and Ben squeezed your tits through your bra.

“Aww princess, this all for us?” Joe said as he pulled your underwear down, “Naughty slut’s excited to have us both I think, should see how fucking wet she is Ben,”

Ben grinned at you as he dropped his hand from your breast, sliding a finger along your slit. Your whine turned into a yelp as Joe leaned in and bit your arse, laughing when he pulled back.

“You weren’t kidding, Joe, she really is soaked.” Ben held up his finger in front of you, glistening under the overhead light, before taking it between his lips. “Dibs on first go of her cunt. Need to taste her properly.”

“Okay but I get to fuck her first then.”

“Sure,” Ben reached around to unclasp your bra, seemingly oblivious to the way hearing them talk about you was turning you on, “Bedroom?”

The next thing you knew was Joe’s lips crashing against yours as they led you towards Ben’s room. He pulled away once you reached the bed, pushing you backwards, sending you sprawling on your back over the middle of the mattress. You tried to push yourself up on your arms to see where the other two were but before you got too far you were on your back again, Joe pulling your arms over your head.

“Lie back Princess,” he said softly, “Ben’s gonna take good care of you.”

You didn’t have much time to react before Ben was on you, tongue flicking slowly over your clit, almost lazily. Gradually he sped up, your breathy gasps turning into breathy whines as your arousal built. Joe kept a firm grasp on your arms as he murmured filthy words to you.

“Seeing you like this is better than I ever imagined, Princess.”

You squirmed as Ben trailed his tongue down to your hole, back arching as he pushed inside. Joe readjusted his grip on your wrists, holding them in one hand as he placed the other on your throat to pin you in place.

“Can’t have you squirming too much, trying to grind against Ben. Not allowed.”

Ben threw an arm over your hips to hold you down as he continued to lick and suck at your cunt.

“Does that feel good, Princess? You like having Ben between your thighs?”

“Yes, fuck, so fucking good.”

“You want him to make you cum?”

“Y-yes,”

“Ask nicely,”

“Please, Ben, please make me cum,” you whined, raising your head as much as you could to look at him. Joe’s hand was still at your throat but only loosely, at least for the moment. Ben raised his own head to look at you and grinned, pushing two fingers into you as he lowed his mouth back to your clit.

“Such a pretty sound,” Joe growled softly in response to the moan you released as Ben sucked on your clit.

“Ben, oh my god, yes,”

“Don’t cum yet, Princess.”

Ben’s mouth left you again, right when you felt on the edge of your orgasm.

“What was that for?” you whined, looking up at Joe.

“I don’t want you to cum just yet.”

“Please, I need to, it’s not fair.”

“No, it’s not really. But I want you fucking dripping and desperate when you take me.”

“I can be desperate after I cum I swear,”

“I don’t believe you. No, the only way you’re cumming tonight is while you’re cunt is stuffed full of cock. Right Ben?”

“That’s right Joe,” Ben chuckled as he lowered his tongue back down to your clit. It wasn’t long before your orgasm was once again approaching. Joe tightened his grip on your throat as you began begging, trying unsuccessfully to pull your hands free so you could hold Ben against you.

“I’m getting bored of your begging. You know it’s not going to work, so let’s put that mouth to good use instead. You felt yourself being pulled along the bed until your head was hanging off the edge. Upside down you watched as Joe striped off.

“Open,”

Without thinking you did so, letting Joe push his cock between your lips. Ben readjusted his position, making you moan as he dived back in.

You were completely lost, unable to think about anything but how good it felt being between them. Joe went slow, easing himself into your throat. He was the complete antithesis of Ben who seemed to go harder and faster every time Joe paused, like it was his personal mission to break you and make you cum without permission.

“God I love your pussy,” he rasped, lapping at you between each word. You jolted every time, not sure whether you were trying to get away from him or closer.

“Does baby wanna cum?” he asked in a mocking voice, pushing his fingers back inside you.

You moaned around Joe, making his hips buck forward, his cock slipping further down your throat, until your moan ended in a gag.

Ben laughed, “too bad baby. Your pussy is all mine and I say not yet.”

Joe pulled out of you and you took the chance to gasp for air. “I think you mean all ours,” he looked down at you, “Her pussy is all ours. And I think it’s about time I got to use it.”

“Alright, alright,” Ben muttered as he dragged his fingers from you and brought his hand down on your cunt, leaving you with a single stinging spank before you felt yourself being flipped over and dragged around. You barely had time to register to the new position before Joe was pulling your hips into the air and sheathing himself into you fully.

“God you’re close aren’t you, Princess? Fucking squeezing me. Ben really did a number on you,”

You dropped your forehead to the mattress, moaning as he started thrusting into you.

“It’s okay, you can cum whenever you want, Princess.”

Almost as soon as he said it you came, clutching at the sheets as Joe swore behind you. Gentle fingers on the back of your head made you look up.

“That was pretty fucking hot,” Ben said, looking down at you as he stroked his cock. He’d undressed while your attention was elsewhere. “But I’m feeling mighty left out right now.” He tapped his cock against your lips and you parted them, taking his head into your mouth. Ben kept his hand on your head though he let you set the pace. It was easier to control from this position, though the force of Joe pounding you didn’t help, pushing you forward so Ben slipped into your throat. You could feel another orgasm approaching, your moans building again as you remained trapped and full of cock. Joe was grunting as his grip on your hips tightened, driving harder as he neared his own release. He slipped a hand down to your clit and rubbed it in tight fast circles.

“I’m not – fuck - I’m gonna cum.”

You let Ben fall from your mouth as Joe buried himself deep in your cunt, grunting as he came, triggering your own climax. You whined as he pulled out of you, giving you a tired spank.

“My turn,” Ben said, “help me get her round,”

Joe nodded, both of them grabbing you and spinning you back to your original position on your back. Ben took hold of your ankles, pulling your legs around his waist as he sunk into you as deep as he could go.

“You’re taking us both so well, Princess. You gonna cum for Ben too?”

“I don’t kn-now if I c-can,” you whined as Ben pulled out of you slowly, almost all the way before he pushed into you again.

“You can. And you will. We’ll make sure of that.” Joe climbed onto the bed, lying on his stomach with his feet hanging over the end. Propping himself up on an elbow he leaned down to kiss you slowly as Ben started pumping into you faster. Joe began trailing his other hand down your body, pulling at your nipples until you whined again.

“She likes that Joe, I can see what you meant about her squeezing. Fuck,”

Joe chuckled as he stopped kissing you, “What if I do this then?” He grinned at you as he shuffled down the bed, kneeling so he could slower his head to you breast. Using his tongue he drew circles around your nipple, pinching the other.

“Shit. Not gonna last much longer like this.”

“C’mon Princess, gotta cum again. Show Ben how good you feel when you cum.”

Joe switched to suck at your other nipple as Ben brought his hand to your clit. You had no choice but to let another orgasm roll over you, stimulation coming from every direction to pull you over the edge. Ben moaned at the same time as you, hitting his own release as you clenched with yours.

You were completely spent. It took all of your remaining energy just to move up the bed and lie back against the pillows. You didn’t even bother with the covers, letting Joe and Ben sort them out as they climbed in on either side of you.

“Feel better?” Joe asked softly, draping one arm over your stomach.

“Much,”

“Good.”

Ben snuggled up close, pressing his nose into your neck, “Y’know I’ll always be here for you. We’ll,” he preempted Joe’s outburst, “We’ll always be here for you.”

“You mean this is on the table every time a guy turns me down?”

“Not what I meant, but maybe. We’d do anything to cheer you up.”

“Mission accomplished.”

You fell into a comfortable silence for a while, the heat from both men and the sounds of their breathing lulling you into a doze.

“I spose I should go home now,”

“What are you talking about?” Ben asked.

“Figured you’d want your bed back.”

“Fuck off. It’s warmer with you both here.”

“God why would you volunteer to leave? I’m staying here til Ben kicks me out.”

“More likely to kick you out than Y/N,”

“Rude. But come on Y/N, you really think we’d let you go?” Joe squeezed you tight.

“Yeah, you’re not going anywhere until tomorrow. I’ll make you breakfast and everything.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah of course. It’s not morning yet, you’re not getting out of here.”

#my writing #my blurbs #ben hardy x reader #joe mazzello x reader #ben hardy x reader x joe mazzello #600 followers #Anonymous

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definealetheia · 5 years

Text

Note to self when I feel like I'm going insane (unfinished)

STOP OVERTHINKING!

Sit back, relax, and take deep breaths.

Listen to chakra tune up meditation music. Unblock your chakras and let the energy flow through your body.

Don't intentionally block your heart chakra. Stop suppressing your feelings, whether it is good or bad. You have to deal with them and heal your wounds. The more you suppress your feelings, the longer your agony will get.

Do you still have doubts about the connection?

Remember that you have already let go of the label Twin Flame. The question whether he is your Divine Masculine or not is not important anymore. The Universe may or may not give you the answer after all. BUT you can honor what you feel is true. You love him. This is your truth. You don't need the Universe to tell you that.

It is okay to doubt the connection sometimes. It is normal to experience doubts and fears in this journey. It is scary and full of uncertainties.

I don't get why other twins refer to someone they meet as "catalyst" who will activate your awakening and you believed as your twin but ended up as otherwise. Same logic goes for false twin. I don't get it. I don't think there is a false twin or a catalyst. That person is either your twin or not. Why would you need a catalyst to activate you? Your twin can do that himself. It doesn't make sense to me. People who started their spiritual journey even before they met their twin were awakened due to several possible reasons. May be because of traumatic experiences or they come from a spiritual background. As for those who were not awakened until they met their twin, I don't understand why the person who activated them ends up only as a catalyst. What for? You will only recognize that person as a catalyst once you meet your true twin. And then it would be like you're restarting your twin flame journey with your true twin! Wth.

Remember the reasons and synchonicities that lead you to believe he is your twin.

He activated my spiritual awakening.

It was August 29, 2018. I met my twin online right after I graduated from grad school. I finished another milestone in my life. I finished a job contact and ready to start a new life. I was optimistic about the future. I've been single for years and thought it would be nice a start a new one. But I didn't want to start a relationship just for the heck of it. I wanted to find the one. I've been saying this to the Universe for a quite some time. I might have manifested it when I met your twin without knowing it.

I've been suffering from MDD and GAD for years. I was in medication and went in and out of hospitals after every suicide attempt. For a long time I was suffering from an existential crisis. I did not know who I am or why I am alive. I did not have dreams of my own and was just living to fulfill the expectations of my family and society. I did not have any goals nor did I have reasons or motivations to pursue anything except meeting others' expectations of me. I needed to finish school and establish a good career, help my parents, and then have my own family. As good as those things were, I did not have the right motivation to do that.

I have always felt I don't belong anywhere. I was bullied in school and even at work. It made my depression even worse. Everywhere I go, terrible things always end up happening. I always felt uncomfortable, unsafe, and being wronged by people. I felt unlucky and miserable all the time. Everytime I try to turn my life around and gain a little hope, terrible things happen and that little hope I had get taken away from me.

I was never religious nor spiritual. Having a master's degree in Philosophy, I have an extensive experience on critical thinking and being skeptical. I don't label myself as agnostic. In fact, when it comes to my spirituality, I refrained from associating myself from any religious group or any spiritual belief. However, during one Philosophy class where we talked about religion where some of my classmates studied in Catholic seminaries, I remember sharing that I don't believe in (Christian conception) God but I do believe that there is someone or something, maybe it be metaphysical, divine, or a force that governs everything in the Universe.

I have always had the affinity to look at the sunset and the night sky. I has been part of my routine. My childhood dream was to became an astronaut or astronomer. But life happened. Part of my routine was talking to the Universe while watching the night sky. Whenever I feel suicidal I always tell them that I don't belong down here. I want to be among the stars. That's where I feel I belong, not here. I talk to the stars as often as I can. They saw me cry and all. They let me know they are listening by showing me shooting stars. I even saw asteroid Juno and other comets during one of my nightly routine. It always feels magical when they show me how beautiful the Universe is.

Recognizing the soul connection

I have been interested in Japanese culture and martial arts. I've been practicing a japanese sword martial arts since January 2017. Since I wanted to learn the language, I installed a language exchange application on my phone and that's where I met him. To be honest, I was open to the thought of possibly meeting someone online but I did not realize that I would actually meet someone like him. I met men who were more interested in flirting with me than learning another language. That's very common online. But I was not interested in them but when I met my twin, I did not know that from then on, my life will turn bat shit crazy. I was just following ramdom people on the app but I also made sure they did not look sketchy or suspicious. He followed me back. He suddenly commented on a picture I posted of me and my cat and then he sent me a private message. My first impression of him is he was very flirty and straithforward with giving compliments, unlike most Japanese I talked to who were polite and unsure of themselves. When I looked at his picture, I immediately felt something different about him especially when I looked at his eyes. But I couldn't put my finger on it. I never felt anything like it before. I felt like I knew him. There was a sense of familiarity and comfortabilitily. We started talking on Line, sent audio messages, and even talked on video call for hours. He send messages when he wakes up, goes to work, while working, coming home, and before sleeping. It like was a honeymoon phase of a relationship. I told myself it was too good to be true.

I needed to know more about him so I asked him if he was single. He wasn't. I felt like a bucket of cold water was thrown at me. He was still flirty and acting like there's more to us than acquaintances. But because of that reality check, I kept asking myself where I stand. Sometimes he treats me like a girlfriend all then all of a sudden he acts like a stranger. When the conversation gets hot and he becomes more flirty than normal that's where I remind him that he has a gf and I don't want to be in a third party. He told me they haven't talked for a while and he felt lost. I felt worse. I felt like he was just bored and wants to use me to fill in the void. Since I knew I was falling inlove, I made it clear to him that if he wants to continue talking to me like we are in a relationship, then I want to be only one. There should be no other woman. He couldn't give me an answer. He always dodged the question to the point that I get frustrated and just drop it. Add the language barrier to the mix. During one of our arguments, I kept asking him how he really felt about me and his answer was that he wanted to meet. I did not expect that answer. Even if I agreed to that, I reminded him that he has gf and he just told me they hadn't talked.

When he came back to Japan from one of work trips, that's when things went downhill. He used to give me updates on where he was or what he doings but that time I did tell me he already came back. His messages became short. Sometimes just one word. It's obvious he didn't want to be bothered or he just didn't want to talk to me. There were even sarcastic messages. It was my cue to leave him be.

We stared with talking to each other all day everyday until it became more and more seldom. There were days when he wouldn't talk. Then a sudden message after days of silence. I did not chase him or beg him to talk to me. But I once told him how I sad was that he changed. I was crying a lot. My heart got broken so many times. October 2018 came and after over a month of the honeymoon phase, he finally ghosted me.

Kundalini awakening and rising

I became more and more depressed and desperate for answers. I kept asking the Universe: Why did this happen? What was the point? I closed myself off for years and stopped dating after experiencing traumatic relationships. Right when I finally decided to take a risk, open my heart, and love again, this happened to me? I did not understand the point of it all. Letting another person in and then he just breaks my heart? This was the last chance I gave myself to love and this shit happened. Before I met him, I told myself that if I ever meet someone and fall in love, it will be the last time. I want to me the one. I am tired of being hurt so many times.

I was so confused. I was hurt, angry, and frustrated. Wanting to find the answers, I started watching tarot readings on Youtube. I never believed in Astrology. I was too skeptical for that. But I watched hundreds of readings out of desperation to find the answers. I got mixed result on the readings. There were times that the readings resonated so much that my mind was blown so many times. But there were others that just made me more confused and paranoid. The best takeaway from those readings is that divine timing is at work. I have to trust in the Universe and give them space to work things out. I can't force things to happen. The only thing I can do is set healthy boundaries and don't let anyone treat me like a doormat.

I spent the next few weeks just watching readings, crying at night, and trying to cope with the pain. The readings said that there will be communication and it did happen. By the time happened, I literally said "this shit is real." I was surprised that he messaged me and asked how I was. But after the inital shock, I was overcome by anger and hurt. He wanted communication just when I was starting to gain balance and not think of him that much. I was torn between telling him off and just accept that he is back. I replied 2-3 days later telling him I'm doing good.

The communication started again but I was seldom. He called me on 11/11 but I couldn't answer. He just randomly sends a message after a few days of silence and or calls all of a sudden and then disappear again. So flakey! I got fed up and set my foot down. I asked him why he wants call or talk to me. He said he always wanted to call and enjoys being with me. I called out his BS. I reminded him that he stopped talking to me. He can't just come in and out of life as he pleases. He should stop playing mind games with me. He just said to me "Oh don't say that 😭." I told him I deserve an explanation and tell me why he disappeared. He said he did not disappear. I told him it hurts me that he's not being honest with me. He said he was being honest. See the pattern here? I asked him again what happened and he just answered "I don't remember." That was it. I told him I'm a very patient person (I'm a fucking Taurus okay) but he pushed me too far. I won't ask anymore. It's obvious he didn't wanna answer. I'm done.

I was livid. I'm done dealing with a player and emotionally unvailable jackass. That's the start of our separation. It was 11/12.

I spent the rest of November dealing with rollercoaster of emotions. One moment I'm angry, and them I'm in pain, and then lonely ect. It was a torture. There were times when I went into relapse. I thought I have officially gone insane. I just wanted to die.

The first time I came across the term twin flame was through watching tarot readings. I never heard of the time before even when I met my twin. I wasn't interested in learning more about it at first. All I know was that it was different from soulmates and it was rare. I have never thought of myself as special (just different) so I did not think I needed to know about it. But curiosity got the better of me and finally decided to do some research. Lo and behold, I resonated with most of the signs that were listed. The things that happened to me made more sense now. But that was not enough to convince me.

More and more meditation music started appearing on my youtube suggestions. It was December when I finally decided to try a guided meditation. It's my first entry. I felt the urge to do it more and more often until I came across a meditation to awaken my spirit. Before this entire journey I would never think of trying it but since I have been activated, might as well continue on improving myself. I played the music when looking at the sunset. When I came to opening the third eye, I started seeing particles in mid air. They look specks of light or little transparent bubbles floating around. As weeks went by I seem them clearer. I don't even have to concentrate or be in meditative state to see them. I see another invisible layer in my environment as well. I see rain or drizzle even if it's not really raining. I also see "rain" and particles even indoors now. As long as there is light. I tune up my chakra almost everyday. I don't feel right when I don't meditate in a few days.

10/13/2019 ~ 2:41 PM (this has been saved in my Drafts since Jan/Feb -- I'm not sure anymore)

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