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benefits1986 · 5 months

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The UGH Tale of Three UN-Kalaw Soul Sisters

Sisterhood that defies timezones, biases and delulu dreams is definitely awesome and gruesome, too.

I was 17 going 18 when I met R and G. Clad in an all-white friggin' uniform, I stomped to my first class in Kalaw. UGH. I never dreamt of being a nurse because the uniform is just too pristine and unadulterated. Dalisay in Tagalog for me. I'm nowhere near that because I've always cling to an all-black ensemble or a loud random meh get up which depends on my mood meter. I hate walking in hospital corridors because I can feel the burn coming in all directions. Ika nga ng isang malupet ng TEDTalks, hospitals are not meant for the dying. They milk the living. :p Hindi naman 'yun ang sinabi pero ganun na rin nga.

Looking intentionally after others started even before Kinder summer then Prep in my book. This started when I was volunteered by mother dragon to look after my brother who survived a lumbar puncture at three months old and hydrocephalus. He was and still is a meningitis survivor who started school at the "right" age and finished his studies after a series of unfortunate events that will forever be in his transcript of records in blazing red.

As I pen this 4 AM piece, let me refocus my lens. Whenever I share this story about my brother, people usually go wild, especially those who've seen and talked to my brother in real life. They say that there's ZERO trace of his battle with an infection in his nervous system. Slay, brother. Slay. I cringe and dismiss this supposed compliment which kinda means that mother dragon and I did well. But, the behind the scenes caused me so much than I can afford. Looking in right now while the rest of universe in Manila is probably in dream land or about to wake up, let me remind myself, my other selves and my "self elves" that mom and I's team up is not bad, not bad at all. Seeing my brother care for his two kids is magic, miracle and delusion in my book, all at once. He knows this too well because he asks me how he is as a parent. Time flies and so does my brother. His flight is never easy, but, I think, he feels that it's worth it. I remember asking him so many times about why he dreams of having a kid or two. He explains it simply. He wants it because he wants to have a chance to care for someone that came from him and his partner. He shared this over his major heartbreak when I came home very, very late at night. His tissue dump is reeking of tears, sweat and bruised soul and damaged ego.

I froze when I saw him, honestly. I was at the brink of laughing my head off and cutting his head off, too. I told him off the bat that he knows so well that his first serious relationship is a shit show dressed to the nines which involved a touch move, place move of her ex to no less than the Land of the Rising Sun.

He told me that he knew all along that this endgame is ending for good this time around. (Syempre, hindi endgame sabi niya. Translated to current times lang the last line.) I'll tell the rest of the story because this side story is just too graphic and not too aligned with my vibe for this piece. :p My two soul sisters and I belonged to the same class. I didn't really like interacting with people but they managed to start a small talk I deflected so well for the first few days. Funny how I don't remember our first "meet un-cute" but I do remember specific scenes where they etched my memory bank even when my default is I DON'T CARE.

I saw R toting a Snoopy kili-kili bag. LOL. Since mother dragon loves Snoopy, I asked her where she got her basic bitch tote. LOL. Then, she asked where I lived and was happy that we're a few barangays apart. I asked her why she studied in a science high school that's nowhere near her address. She laughed and explained the legwork that happened. We became lunch buddies, but I withdraw myself most of the time, because she's too boring apart from her nerd girl vibe.

Later, G joined the group which is now getting bigger and bigger before I knew it. UGH. Big groups kill me. Too much happening and I can't wait to go home. G is feisty and flirty. She is a boy magnet even when she's just literally walking down UN with us. I like having her with us because she's the usual target and the usual suspect. LOL. That means, I can live undetected and unnoticed. :P One stormy morning, after eating in no less than Jollibee, she opened her umbrella to shield her immaculate white uniform from a crazy downpour. Here umbrella gave her zero fucks and she tried working it out several times. I watched her white uniform get drenched. I was kinda perplexed because she could have checked her umbrella before heading out and/or open it before we even walk in the rain, right? UGH. When she realized that her umbrella is fucked up, she laughed out loud at herself and at her poor state. She asked nicely if we can share an umbrella. I actually hesitated and she was taken aback. I didn't flinch. She told me that I am indeed an ice queen. I gave in to her request, eventually.

She told me that next time, she won't ever forget to check her umbrella before leaving the deep south. I winced because her umbrella misadventures keep popping in my head, right now. LOL. Ganun siya talaga e. She even managed to joke around that I probably won't forget our first close encounter. Dinaig niya K-Drama, Eiga Sai and Cinemalaya 200X edition.

Though our group is big and I have an all boys + me arcade hood, the these two and I stick like glue. :D Shemay. I actually can't believe that we've been together for so long because our personalities are extremes. G and R usually kid me that I ought to accept that opposites repel so as long as they have common grounds like our life-long commitment to Harry Potter. Dito talaga nila ako na badly hit e. Legit Potterhead. Walang halong kemikal. :D G is Hufflepuff. R is Gryffindor. Me, Ravenclaw na feeling ko pa rin, Slytherin ako. Side Note: Maganda lang kasi talaga merch ng Gryffindor and I'd most likely give them away when the time is right, and the reasons are right. Akala mo naman andami kong merch noh? Right now, the scarf and the pen lang naman pinaka legit because I can't afford them noon. Now, mejj naman kaya itawid. Europa 2025, alam na this. Dadanak ang blue blood sa mga pasilyo mo. Humanda. :D

So how did we pan this unlikely sisterhood that goes a long way from Manila's South, Cali and Canada? We make it work, consistently and effortlessly. We choose to set aside our super crazy extreme beliefs, and work with our common denominators. The reason why I'm penning this piece at this ungodly hour is because G has been updating us about her baby shower after 16 years of having an unica bisexual bitch on training, aka my Potterhead inaanak, first of their name, goth-emo-anime fan, turtle-loving baby pa rin sa paningin naming tatlo. CHZ. Her babe is an XY which comforted me so much, because, one girl in her hood is enough lalo in a land where... ayoko na lang muna mag-talk. Mamaya na muna.

R on the other hand is slaying the perils and pedestals of no less than Silicon Valley's OG brand I will not name. She's happily married to Tito R and blessed with an adopted cat, T. T is also my inaanak and kahit sobrang sungit niya, papansin siya. HAHAHAHAHA. We're at the age of legit, full blown adulting. Topics revolve around memes, reels and me having to explain my joke or hirit to G. R naman is usually telling me to go easy on G, because ganun talaga vibe niya, UN-Kalaw days pa lang. Tanggap ko naman na raw, pero 'yung mga subtext-enriched comms, kami na lang magusap. HOWKEY.

R and G are my soul sisters who allowed me to be in my element as an ice queen with a very hidden dark heart and dark art. CHZ. They never failed to call me out and put out my fire when it's off the roof. LOL. Kahit it means there's danak ng dugo, iyak, uhog at luha lalo when they we're overextending their hands, legs, feet and hypothalamus when mom died. Wala sila sa Pinas noon so easy way to shut the emotional shit out. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Ang lala. Still, they stay and chos (LOL) to not give up on my grandest production to date featuring ice queen x fire woman na ayaw talagang mag-open up kahit mhie, valid naman magpabaha ng feelings. LOL. Umabot na kami sa points na mala-FOMO na because ayoko talagang sabihin na kawawa ako dahil wala na akong nanay. LOL. Mhie, ang lala.

R and G wear their hearts on their sleeves like there's no tomorrow. But, zooming in 100000000000x these days, I'm beginning to see their lights and shadows, better. UGH.

Topics of our DMs and GCs are now leveling up the adulting game: mortgage, sick parents, sick relatives, dying people, hyperinflation, being a woman in the corp shit world, being a human that's bound by skin color and the like, being a pet mom, being an ate, an anak, a tita, a yaya, a mayordoma, a bad cop, a good cop, a delulu aging millennial, an inner child healer and enabler, a bill payer, a Cosmo Girl living with the chances to be poorita all over again, and the like.

Happy to share that we all have our own spaces na rin. HUHUHUHUHUHU. Para sa mga lower middle and middle class, no matter how tiny your own space is, kahit gapang lusak and panget address and location mo, milestone 'yan. But, you know what the magic and mystery of being middle class? Hindi ka takot sumadsad sa lusak kasi alam mo how it is to be under ground zero, literally and figuratively. Hindi ka gahaman sa status kasi alam mo kung saan ka lulugar at alam mo rin anong kapasidad mo patungo sa gusto mong destination bago ka ma-Final Destination walking pneumonia style.

I am really blessed and humbled as I'm keying in this piece. It's nice to have my tiny intentional curation of my people. Tawang-tawa nga sila bakit pati people, I curate. I overthink so need ko 'yan for my sanity and insanity. But what I mean kasi talaga by curate I share with R and G, is I usually get interesting conversations naman talaga. Kahit ayoko. Usually start sa random kamusta. Ganun. So, this me, trying with full intent to spend my energy on people, spaces, and product x promos (like flights, dog stuff, Shein, Gourdos and food finds) that will matter for the long term. :) Ready na tayo for real sa real thing. CHZ. Bakit nanse-stress na naman ako rn? Hahahahahaha.

Actually, this morning's piece should be about: Moving In, Moving Out: Film Dreams e. So, may context na lang tayo please kasi Tuesday na. Maaga pa ako saka andami ko pang need gawin para malinis ang Q1 2024 ko. Tabi. Eto na tayo. UGH.

Also, need time to meet up with my friends na matatampuhin like UGH. Asar na nga, talo pa kasi sabi bakit 'pag games kahit Araneta, present ako. Me: Hold my goblet, explain ko when we see each other po. Sure akong masisindak kayo. LOL. Habol ako. Promise. Hindi na ako masyadong flaker ngayon. Saktong flaker na lang. Check natin this December 2023, kung totoo nga 'di na ako flaker because... we the South e. LOL. Easy way out is always more than liquid gold.

PS: I messaged G kasi nasa crossroads na naman siya with a very obvious answer na 'di na kelangan i-explain. Me: "Pray and work it. Proud of you always. All ways." HAHAHHAHAHHAHA. Ambait ko na talaga. Pero karne 'to sa akin mamaya or bukas. CHZ. :p

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unbridgeabledistances · 3 years

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I love your last fic so much it got me thinking could you write something about like the gallaghers( +Kev and v and sandy etc) observing Ian and Mickey’s relationship? Like their perspectives of seeing them be soft with each other and just their dynamic? I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense lol <3

hiiiii anon!<3 okay i want to start off by saying that this got WAY too long, bc i loved this prompt a lot- so much that i think i might make this a multi-part thing on ao3! i started with sandy (since i am in love with her) but i’ll also go through the gallaghers/kev & v soon- lmk if u guys want me to continue, and who u would want me to write next if i do (or if u want me to continue with sandy lol i have lots of thoughts and feelings)

this ended up taking place in s10 when we first meet sandy, fyi:) also tw for brief mentions of abuse (as always, bc of terry 🙄) -- and there is a reference to the line in 10x07 that jokes about mickey and sandy for a brief moment

When Sandy heard her phone buzz on that Tuesday afternoon, sitting on the stained and lumpy couch in her shithead uncle’s living room while drinking a beer and arguing with Alek about what type of insurance fraud could make the biggest payout, she had no idea what to expect on the other end of the line. The phone kept ringing, the contact info lighting up the screen: MICKEY.

Mickey? Shit. It had been a long fucking time. Between her own various juvie stints as a kid and Mickey’s time behind bars overlapping just as she got released, Sandy hadn’t seen Mickey since… high school, maybe? Whenever it was, it was back when Mickey was a grimy kid with spikey hair and dirty fingernails, a kid with an obsession with guns and way too much time on his hands, back when they would hang out by the train tracks and drink beer and get way too high and do stupid shit; all in all, back when everything was a hell of a lot simpler. Sandy assumed Mickey had met Royal and been clued in about her shitshow of a life at some point while she’d been gone, and they’d possibly overlapped at a family party or two a few years ago when they both were in town— but other than hearing about the aftershocks of Mickey coming out and driving Terry up a goddamn wall, so much so that Terry broke his parole and was headed straight back to prison hours after his release, Sandy hadn’t seen Mickey in forever.

Which is why this call intrigued her so much— Mickey was supposed to be in prison for at least a couple more years, or at least that’s what his brothers had said, so why the fuck was he using a cell phone right now?

Sandy nodded her head towards the cellphone, cutting Alek off mid-sentence and sliding her thumb across the screen to pick up the call. Before saying anything, she rose off the creaky springs of the couch and speedwalked out to the front porch before answering— whatever the fuck Mickey wanted, she assumed he was calling her because this conversation wasn’t for the ears of any other Milkoviches. She lit a cigarette and leaned against the post of the front stoop, listening to the silence hanging heavy on her phone’s speaker.

“Mickey? You there?”

A low chuckle came from the other end of the line.

“Fuck. Been a long time.” Mickey’s voice sounded the same; punchy and snarky, maybe a little gruffer and raspier after years of cigarette smoke. Sandy waited a moment for Mickey to give more of a reply, or an explanation for his call, but it was clear that Mickey wasn’t going to give one right away— it was like he was testing the waters, like he was deciding if making this call was the right move. Soft static echoed on the phone line.

Sandy totally got it— reemerging from a life of cinderblock cell walls and barbed wire fences fucking sucked, especially when you were a Milkovich and the moment you got out you were faced with a choice, an opportunity: did you want to go back home, or did you want to start fresh, erase your own name, and forget this dysfunctional family ever existed? Sandy knew she felt the same way when she got out. Mickey deciding to call Sandy was a big fucking move, and she realized that— reclaiming your life as a Milkovich on the brink of a new beginning took guts.

“So, I take it you’re out of prison?” Sandy asked after a moment, inhaling another slow puff of her cigarette.

There was that laugh again— Sandy had weirdly missed it. Honestly, Mickey hadn’t ever been too bad to be around— they’d both felt like outsiders in the family, had both always had a strong head on their shoulders and a fucking moral compass, unlike the rest of Terry’s sheep who did his bidding and got swastikas tattooed on their chest. When he was younger Mickey used to follow Terry and his older brothers around like a lost puppy, and he even got those fucking knuckle tats—but later in high school, Sandy remembered seeing something deep snap inside him, bleeding out in “STAY THE FUCK OUT” and “FUCK LOVE” signs taped onto his bedroom walls. At the time she thought it was the fucked-up shit with Terry and Mandy driving him up a wall— but now she realized the constant bombardment of homophobia, coupled with the cuts and bruises blooming on his cheeks and the cigarette burn scars on his arms, must have been signs of Mickey realizing the rude awakening that was inevitably going to come if he wanted to be who he was. Sandy couldn’t even imagine— no one really gave a shit who she fucked, and her cousins didn’t know anything about her sex life—but she couldn’t fathom being Terry’s son, the pride and joy of the Milkovich clan, and needing to outwardly admit those deeper parts of herself.

“Yup, I’m free to join civilization as of this morning. Overcrowding or some shit.” Sandy could hear Mickey also taking a drag of a cigarette on the other end of the line. She smirked to herself. Guess we both didn’t break the Milkovich nicotine addiction.

“So, uh, listen,” Mickey continued, and Sandy immediately knew he was in deep shit if she was the one he was calling to ask for a favor. “I’m in a bit of a… situation. Don’t wanna go into too many specifics, but there might be a massive fucking Mexican cartel after me right now.”

Sandy barked out a laugh before she could help herself. Fucking Mickey. “Oh yeah? Sounds like you’re feeling thrilled to be a free man again.”

Mickey chuckled again. “Fuck you. But hey, d’you think you can bring my shit by to me, so I don’t have to stop by the house and get fucking killed? You don’t gotta rush or whatever, just didn’t wanna show my face quite yet.”

Sandy could feel all the unsaid things wrapped in the way Mickey’s sentence ended. Didn’t want to show his face quite yet because of this cartel bullshit, or because of Terry? She decided it didn’t really matter— Mickey was a good guy, she could spend an hour or so rounding up his shit and bringing it to him if that’s what he needed.

“Got it.” She blew out more smoke, watching it curl and drift over the wasteland of the front yard on a gust of summer air.

Mickey cleared his throat, like he was gearing up to say more. When he spoke, his voice was softer around the edges, more genuine than before.

“I’m, uh. I’m sure you heard everything about me while I was gone. About Terry flipping his shit. Probably not the best idea for me to come around the house quite yet—my brothers n’ I haven’t really talked much since then either.” He paused, inhaling another drag of his cigarette. “I figured you’d get it. And hey, if you can bring the stuff by, I’d love to hear all the badass shit you’ve been up to the past few years.”

Sandy nearly winced—yeah, if by “badass shit” you mean getting forcibly married to a douchebag and then couch surfing for months— but she tried to keep her shit together for Mickey’s sake. She stubbed out her cigarette on the railing of the porch, straightening from where she was leaning.

“I’ve got it Mickey, don’t worry about it. Where are you right now, anyways?”

She could hear the hint of relief bleeding into Mickey’s voice when he replied. “I’m at the Gallagher house? The grey one by the tracks.”

Sandy rolled her eyes. “I was in jail for a couple of years Mickey, not braindead. I know where the Gallagher house is.”

Mickey huffed out a breath, but there wasn’t any sharpness in it. “Excuse me for tryin’ to be helpful, smartass.”

“Why the fuck are you there, anyways?”

“I’m, uh, crashing with my partner for now. Ian?”

Holy shit, Mickey was still fucking Ian Gallagher? Sandy had pieced together that Ian was the reason Mickey came out months after getting married to some Russian bitch, and according to Iggy the whole reason Mickey went to jail in the first place was some love-crazed revenge plot on Ian’s behalf— but since getting locked up Mickey hadn’t kept in touch with anyone, other than a shady-as-fuck message to his brothers after he’d busted out of prison letting everyone know that he was in Mexico, despite getting thrown back into jail in Chicago a couple months later. Sandy didn’t really know the details, and she especially didn’t know anything about Mickey’s love life— but it was wild as fuck that someone as unsettled and ruthless and batshit crazy as Mickey could’ve been with the same person all this time, especially someone as seemingly bland as Ian Gallagher. Huh. Wonder if I’ll get to see Ian.

“Got it. I’ll round up your shit and bring it by the Gallagher house later today. And don’t worry, I won’t let anyone know you called til you’re ready.”

Mickey exhaled on the other end of the line. “There shouldn’t be much, just check the drawers or whatever. “

Sandy knew for a fact that most of Mickey’s lingering possessions had probably been taken, sold, or thrown out by a zealously homophobic Terry by now, but she wasn’t going to say as much to Mickey over the phone.

“I’m on it. See you in a couple hours.”

“Hey, Sandy?” Mickey blew out a long breath, and this time Sandy couldn’t tell if it was because he was still smoking or because he was riding a wave of relief, releasing the floodgates of anxiousness he’d been holding in the whole conversation. “Thanks. I fuckin’ owe you one.”

Sandy smirked. Maybe Mickey being let out of jail early was a good thing, despite how fucked his whole situation seemed— maybe, for once, someone in her family would be fun to be around, wouldn’t set her teeth on edge every two seconds by making a racist comment or forcing her to be something she wasn’t.

“I’ll text you when I’m almost at your love nest.”

She imagined Mickey’s grin as he replied. “Fuck you. See ya soon.”

After scraping through every rickety dresser drawer in Terry’s house for nearly an hour, Sandy could barely come up with anything that was reportedly Mickey’s: a couple of tattered shirts, an impressively overused-looking bong, and a single sneaker she’d left behind because she couldn’t find the other one. She threw it all in some shitty burlap rucksack she’d found on one of the bedroom floors, assuming no one would miss it— it dawned on her that maybe her cousins were lying, and some of the other stuff in the house was still Mickey’s, but she’d collected what she could based on the whispered directions Alek and Iggy had given her when Terry was out of the room.

Sandy unlocked her phone, and typed a quick message to Mickey. “Out front.”

Mickey’s reply came quickly, and Sandy noticed the front curtains rustling on the top floor of the Gallagher house.

“Coming down”

The front door creaked open, and Mickey walked out onto the front porch. He looked good; he looked cleaner, sure, but also like a fucking adult—like he’d grown into himself, like he actually carried himself with confidence instead of just pretending to. He nodded his chin up at Sandy in acknowledgement.

“Long time no see.” He smirked, leaning on the banister. “You make a good delivery service. All those hauls we did with Terry must’ve been good training.”

Sandy lazily walked up the front steps, reaching the bag out in front of her for Mickey to take. “Here’s all the shit I could find. It’s not much.”

Mickey jerked his head to the open door behind him. “You wanna come in for a sec?”

Sandy grinned. Why the fuck not. “Sure."

So that was how she found herself perched on what was presumably Ian Gallagher’s bed, watching Mickey ruffle through the burlap bag, his brows furrowed as he realized just how much of his shit was actually gone.

“This everything?”

“As much as I could find.”

They comfortably chatted back and forth about how everyone was— Sandy decided to divulge the fact that Mickey’s brothers were idiots who tried to crawl in bed with her every night, which is something that she had to joke about so she didn’t go fucking insane sleeping under the same roof as them.

“Fuck ‘em, chop their nuts off next time they try it.”

Sandy smirked. Finally, a decent fucking relative. She made some hollow joke about staying with Mickey, alluding to the extra-shitty night decades ago when their cousins had forced them to make out when they were way too high on something.

“Or I could stay here with you. Have fun like we did when we were kids.”

“You know that’s fucked up, right? We’re fucking cousins!”

“Plus he’s taken.” A voice came from around the corner.

Ian Gallagher looked bigger, taller, and more solid than Sandy remembered; he was definitely miles away from the scrawny kid with the bangs who worked at the Kash N Grab that Sandy and her cousins endlessly used to fuck with in middle school. Ian’s shoulders were wide, his body imposing in the tiny room; immediately, Mickey’s aggravated stance softened when Ian walked in, wrapped in a towel from the waist down.

“Oh right, you.” Sandy grinned as Ian hunched over the bed and grabbed his deodorant from the nightstand.

Mickey had turned back to the bag of clothes. “Hey, I had shampoo and shit, is there soap anywhere?”

Sandy rolled her eyes. “You’ve been gone for years, you think your brothers would save that shit for you?” she bit out— and okay, maybe she was a little pissed at Mickey’s brothers for the constant-sexual-assault thing.

Ian just applied his deodorant and leaned in close to Mickey as he passed by the bed towards the doorframe. “You can use mine. We’ll hit Costco later, I’m getting paid.”

It was stupid, but Sandy felt something soft pang in her chest at Ian’s words; it was just now that she was realizing it, but she didn’t think she’d ever seen someone take care of Mickey before, or so… automatically factor Mickey’s needs into a situation. Being a Milkovich was all about scrounging and scraping, and guarding what little you had; a Milkovich would never let someone use their fucking soap just because they cared about them, or not as an immediate reaction anyways.

“Nah, I can’t, man. PO texted me when you were in the shower, he’s got a job for me.”

Ian kept looking at Mickey from where he was leaning in the doorway. “Then give me a list of shit you need, and I’ll pick it up for you,” Ian said in an overly simple tone, like he was mocking the fact that Mickey didn’t realize Ian would run an errand for him.

Sandy smirked. Jesus, Gallagher is whipped.

“Isn’t that cute, little domestic bitches,” Sandy crooned before she could help herself.

Ian stepped into the room again and leaned in towards Mickey, pressing a kiss to Mickey’s cheek while Mickey aggressively tried to uncrumple one of the pile of shirts from the bag.

“Mm, thank you,” Ian said in reply, his voice muffling as he smushed his face closer to Mickey’s.

Mickey instantly smiled smugly as Ian’s lips pressed against his cheek—then he noticed Sandy was staring, so he flipped her off and smiled even wider. What the fuck? Sure, Mickey had flipped Sandy off, but he was practically fucking beaming in a way that Sandy had never seen. God, wonder if I’ll find this shit someday.

Ian detached himself from Mickey and walked out of the room, Mickey’s eyes lingering on his torso. Once Ian had turned the corner Mickey snapped back to attention, fixing his eyes back onto the small mountain of clothes spread on the bed in front of him. Mickey lifted the bong off the bedsheets, and met Sandy’s gaze.

“You have to go, or d’you wanna hang for a bit? I don’t have to be at work for a couple hours, and it’s gonna suck enough that I should probably be high before I get there.”

Sandy grinned. “Hell yeah, I’m down.”

They sat on the rickety back steps of the Gallagher house, silently taking hits and passing the bong back and forth. It had been years since they’d been in the same space, but Sandy and Mickey easily sank into a comfortable silence, passively surrounded by the shrieks of kids playing across the alleyway and the bubbling of water as they inhaled. Mickey blew smoke out of his nose, then sat back so he was leaning against the banister and passed the glass pipe to Sandy.

“So,” Sandy started as she held the lighter to the bong and inhaled deeply. “Ian Gallagher.”

Mickey huffed out a laugh. “Yup. That’s some Romeo and Juliet shit for ya.”

Sandy smirked as she exhaled. “You really fucking love him, huh?”

Mickey eyebrows raised almost imperceptibly as he looked towards her. “Yeah. Guess I do.” He took the bong from Sandy’s outstretched hand. “Took me forever to get shit straight with him, though.”

Ah. So their road to domestic bliss wasn’t as straightforward as it seemed. Sandy’s curiosity was growing.

“Because of shit with Terry?”

Mickey stiffened, coughing a bit as he exhaled smoke, like Sandy’s question caught him off guard. “Shit. Yeah. That too. Let’s just say there were lots of fucking ups and downs, and we both had a lot of shit to unpack.”

Sandy snickered. “You sound like a fucking couples therapist.”

Mickey rolled his eyes. “If you wanna see couples therapy, I should tell you about the months me and Ian were sharing a fucking cell. We nearly ripped each other’s heads off. We literally stabbed someone so one of us might get sent to fucking solitary.”

Sandy’s laughter grew. “Are you fucking serious?”

Mickey grinned, and passed the bong back to Sandy again. “Fuck. Yeah. I fucking love him, though. He’s fucking crazy, and I still can’t let him go.” Mickey looked off into the distance across the alleyway, and either the weed was really hitting him right now, or he was being a very sappy motherfucker.

Sandy nudged Mickey’s knee. “You guys are cute together.” Mickey’s eyebrows raised when he heard the word “cute,” and Sandy quickly tried to rephrase. “Not cute, but y’know. Good for each other. You seem happy. Happy is... good.”

Mickey nodded pensively. “How’re you doing, anyways?”

Sandy shrugged noncommittally. “Eh. We can talk about me another time. How the fuck did you and Ian end up sharing a jail cell, anyways?”

Mickey let out a throaty laugh. “I heard Gallagher was getting locked up when I was down south, so I essentially pulled some strings and fucking snitched on the cartel I was working for. Hauled my ass back up here so we could be together.”

Holy fuck. Sandy’s jaw nearly dropped. “Mickey, you’re batshit crazy.” She shoved him squarely in the chest this time. “Are you fucking serious?! You evaded the feds, were living in Mexico, and you came back for Ian Gallagher?”

Mickey rolled his eyes again, placing the bong on the steps. “I can’t explain it, man. I just didn’t wanna be anywhere else, I guess.”

Sandy leaned back onto the banister. “Shit.” She paused for a moment, wondering if she should ask the next question. “Do you… want me to tell anyone you’re back?”

Mickey glanced over at her, his eyes alert. “Nah. Not yet. That okay with you?”

Sandy nodded. “Of course.” Mickey pulled out his phone, checking the time and presumably looking for a distraction from tiptoeing around talking about Terry— but Sandy had to tell him, had to let him know one more thing.

“Hey, Mickey?”

Mickey looked up. “Yeah?”

“I don’t really know the details of what went down with Terry, or whatever— but I just wanted to let you know that… if you ever wanna come home, I’m on your side. No questions asked. And I think a lot of the others are, too.”

The corner of Mickey’s mouth ticked upward. “Thanks.”

Sandy stood, checking her phone and zipping her leather jacket. “Well, I’d probably let you sober up a bit before your big parolee first day of work.”

Mickey raised a middle finger up to her from where he was seated, but then rose to stand.

“Thanks for comin’ by. And hey—you’re free to crash here anytime. There’s a million fucking kids running around all the time, but there’s always a couch or something open if everyone at home’s giving you too much shit.”

Sandy felt something warm growing in her chest. It had been a long fucking time since someone offered to take care of her, just because they could, just because they wanted to— maybe being a Milkovich wasn’t half bad. Maybe there were some good ones.

Sandy nodded in acknowledgement, and turned to walk down the creaky back steps. Wow. If Sandy was sure of one thing right now, it was that Mickey really, really fucking loved Ian Gallagher.

#also this goes without saying but i am not acknowledging the inc*st jokes as things that actually happened #bc that makes me!! wildly uncomfortable!!! lmao #but that being said hope y’all enjoyed this :)#gallavich #gallavich fanfiction #shameless #shameless fic #ian x mickey #ian gallagher #mickey milkovich #sandy milkovich #gallavich fic

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drabblesforsanguine · 4 years

Text

Letting Go - Oneshot

Summary: Miraak lets go of the past and looks towards his future.

Pairing: Miraak/f!LDB

Warnings: fluff, flirting, light angst, brief descriptions of ptsd, mentions of violence, possible thalassophobia triggers

Word Count: 1879

Prompt: none

A/N: this is the first oneshot I've ever posted on this site, so pls be gentle lol. Also I'm on mobile, so sorry about any spelling/grammatical errors. Find me on ao3

The only sound to be heard was the soft splash of the oars cutting through the water. No sound of waves crashing against the shore or the cry of seagulls, for even they didn't fly out this far.

If he squinted hard enough, Miraak could just barely make out the rocky outline of the northern coast far behind the Last Dragonborn.

The midday sky above was overcast and the ocean breeze was bitter. More than once he'd seen her shiver from a particularly harsh gale only to pretend that she didn't. A storm was brewing on the sea behind him, though with luck it would be many hours before it reached them.

"Not much further, now." Her eyes were fixed on the dark waves as she spoke.

"You've been saying that for the past hour." He grumbled, his arms starting to feel sore from this seemingly endless amount of rowing.

She looked at him out of the corner of her eye, a faint teasing smirk on her lips.

"Well, this time I mean it."

His gaze flickered down to the wooden chest resting by her feet, his curiosity still piqued as to its contents and purpose for being here.

He'd asked about it at the beginning of their voyage, among many other questions, but of course she'd just shrugged him off like she always does and said he'd find out once they were far out at sea. Well, they were far out enough.

He stopped rowing and fixed her with a hard stare.

"I'm not rowing another inch until you tell me what we're doing out here."

She finally turned and faced him fully, one of her dark eyebrows arched upwards. With a dead serious look in her eyes, she spoke.

"Isn't it obvious? I'm going to kill you, lock your corpse in this chest and dump it in the sea."

He blinked at her once, twice.

"Is it impossible for you not to act like a child all the time?"

She rolled her eyes then, with a sigh, she leaned over the chest and lifted the lid. Miraak peered inside with curiosity. His eyes narrowed at what he saw.

"Are those..."

"The Black Books, yes." She said, wrapping her arms around herself as another breeze rolled by.

True to her word, inside the confines of the chest were all seven of Hermaeus Mora's forbidden tomes, each individually wrapped in animal skins and tightly bound with rope.

"He will not be happy if we do this." Miraak cautioned after a short pause, his eyes still fixed on the evil books before him.

The books that had brought him nothing but suffering. Just looking at them made him feel... uneasy, for lack of a better word. It was the same feeling he always had in Apocrypha: alone, yet constantly under watch by an unseen entity.

She just shrugged nonchalantly. "He's not exactly thrilled with me anyways."

He stared at her, his brows pinched together. "Why?"

For a moment she appeared confused. "For starters, I shot him with Auriels bow, temporarily destroyed his plane of Oblivion and stole his favorite champion?"

He rolled his eyes and huffed out a breath. "No. I mean, why are you doing this?" He gestured towards the chest to make his meaning clear.

"Oh," she mumbled, suddenly avoiding eye contact with him. When she finally focused back on him, it was with a seriousness he'd rarely seen from her before.

"These books have brought us nothing but misery -- you most of all." He winced involuntarily at her words, but she continued. "Maybe doing this will give you- us, some closure. If not, then at least it'll piss Hermaeus Mora off, which is good enough for me."

He scoffed, "He is probably laughing at us as we speak, you know."

"Yeah. Well, he can choke on his own tentacles for all I care. Now, are you gonna keep rowing or what?" She asked, feigning irritation as she shut the lid of the chest.

He rolled his eyes but seeing as she revealed why they were there, he stayed true to his word and continued pushing the boat further out to sea.

"You are too eager to defy the Daedra." He admonished lightheartedly.

She shrugged, "We defeated him once. We can do it again."

He gave no response, though there were many things he wanted to say. Most notably that she was naive to think they could defeat a Daedric Prince twice. They'd merely gotten lucky the first time. He wanted to say that, but he didn't.

After a brief silence, she spoke again.

"How long has it been now?"

"Nine months, 14 days." He answered without skipping a beat.

"How time flies," she mused. "It feels like only yesterday that I was nursing you back from the brink of death."

"Don't remind me."

She smirked at his sour tone.

"Come on, I wasn't that bad of a caretaker."

Again, he didn't respond.

Miraak would much rather forget those first few weeks after he was freed from Apocrypha -- after she freed him from Apocrypha -- when he was so weak and ill that he couldn't even walk by himself, and he was forced to rely on the Dovahkiin's good will to help him.

He hated feeling so powerless. So vulnerable.

He'd learned from an young age how to take care of himself, but all those years trapped in Oblivion made him forget. For a long time it pained him to admit how much he needed her in the beginning, to help him remember how to be human. It wasn't quite as painful to admit now, but he'd still rather not be reminded of it.

"Is it such a bad thing to let others take care of you from time to time?" She asked, as if reading his thoughts.

"In my time, relying too much on others was a good way to get yourself killed."

"You're not in that time anymore."

She looked at him with a sincerity that made his insides ache. He almost couldn't stand it -- these feelings she aroused in him.

He looked down at the chest again, just so he didn't have to bear that look anymore.

"This should be far enough." She said suddenly.

Miraak stopped rowing and secured the oars in place. He watched curiously as she reached into her satchel laying on the bench beside her and withdrew an iron padlock. She paused for a split second before reaching out towards him with the padlock.

With little hesitation on his part, he took it from her open palm, his fingers lightly grazing against her skin. He saw goosebumps raise on her arm as he withdrew his fingers, but chalked it up to the cold. For a Nord, she didn't handle the cold very well.

His hands felt heavier than usual as he reached forward and snapped the lock shut around the latch, sealing the chest.

When he looked up at her, there was a hint of relief in her eyes. Like a huge weight had already been lifted from her shoulders. He felt it too.

"Ready?"

He nodded, unwavering.

They both stood carefully as to not tip the small rowboat over, each grabbing one side of the chest, and leveraged it precariously on the boats edge. Kneeling side by side, they shared one last look of determination then, after a deep breath, they pushed the chest overboard. Together they peered over the edge and watched it sink into the dark water below. With all luck, it will remain lost to the depths of the Sea of Ghosts forever.

Then they waited.

A minute passed, two minutes. For what felt like forever they remained there, holding their breaths as they stared into the icy water. Nothing ever happened. No mass of angry, slimy tentacles appeared over them, threatening to disembowel them for desecrating his precious tomes.

When it finally felt safe to do so, they each exhaled their long held breaths. Relief finally settled in his bones.

She spoke after another significant pause, if only to break the ice.

"When I 'won' the Oghma Infinium, the first thing I did with it was drop it into the sea. At least now it's wretched cousins can keep it company."

"Mora will not let this go unpunished. Sooner or later he will have his revenge." He hated that his voice wavered ever so slightly. He was never one to show fear. He could feel it, yes, but he certainly never showed it.

If she noticed, she gave no indication.

"Yes, he will," she said, her tone not lacking in surety. "And when he does, we will face him together."

Then she turned towards him, a faint smile on her face. His stomach nearly jumped out of his throat when her hand slowly slid over to rest atop of his own. Strangely though, he didn't move away. He should've moved away, but he found that he didn't want to.

Even before he'd been imprisoned for thousands of years, Miraak had gone out of his way to avoid intimacy. It was nothing but a weakness to be used against him. After being completely devoid of the touch of others for so long, he'd forgotten how nice it could feel.

Seeming to act on a will of it's own, his hand turned upwards and sought her own significantly smaller one. Her ice cold skin immediately warmed at his touch.

"Together." He repeated with a nod.

Her smile grew a little bit brighter, her cheeks turning a faint pink. It was only due to the cold air, or so he told himself.

"But until then," he continued, "let's get somewhere warm. You're freezing out here."

She gave his hand a little squeeze before pulling away, much to his disappointment. He tried not to let it show, but the way her smirk grew even more told him he was not as stoic as he thought.

His disappointment quickly faded, however, as he watched her take a seat on the bench he'd previously occupied. Still smiling, she crossed one leg over the other and pat the empty space next to her.

"Yes, let's go home."

Home. She'd never called it that before. It was always 'my house' or 'the house', but never 'home'.

Struggling to contain his own smile, he sat down next to her and started unfastening the oars. Before he could react, she scooted closer to him and huddled against his side, digging her hands into his robes for warmth.

She was shivering worse than he'd realized.

He wrapped one of his arms around her to grab the other oar. She angled her body in a way that allowed him to row while still being close enough to absorb his warmth. With a tranquil sigh, she rested her cheek on his chest, the peek of her head stopping just below his chin.

He tried to tell himself she was just cold, but he knew better. He'd always known better.

It was in that moment, with his ferocious little Dragonborn cuddled against his body for warmth, he realized that she was his home, and to his surprise, that wasn't such a scary thought.

For the first time in a long time, he had something worth holding onto and he never planned on letting go.

#the elder scrolls #tes writing #miraak x ldb #miraak #ldb #tes fanfiction #oneshot

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mystic-shadows42 · 4 years

Text

Against the Odds {Part 18}

A/N: The next chapter will be the last one.

Warnings: Angst, Deaths, Language, and Violence

From inside the dungeons, you could hear the yelling and screaming bounce off the walls.

All the women held onto their children as the screaming outside continued. It was when doors slammed nearby that everyone jumped up in fright.

You placed Leif and Sif behind you just in case it was Ivar coming for vengeance.The chances of him taking them just to hurt you was relatively high. He was sadistic and would take pleasure in hurting you even at the cost of children’s lives.

The door to the dungeons was pounded on harshly. Everyone gasped. They had been found.

They kept on trying to break down the door, eventually opening it up little by little. Finally on the brink of collapse, they knocked it down. Two men appeared looking all around the dungeon, probably looking for you.

“Which one of you is Ivar’s kill?”

When you didn’t speak up they grabbed the closest people nearby and raised their swords to them.

“Wait! Wait! I’m the one you’re looking for.”

They dropped their hold on the people and took you instead. You looked back at Leif and Sif trying to give them a reassuring smile. A woman nearby gathered them with her children, looking after them. For that, you were grateful.

The men took you outside and threw you onto the floor. When you looked up you saw boots heading your way. Ivar had his crutch in his left hand wearing a grimace on his face as he trudged over to you.

His hard-set face was solely on you.

It was only when he caught a glimpse of Lagertha among the people fighting that he turned his attention to her. You tried to stand up only for one of the men behind you to push his boot down on your head, digging into the dirt.

From your point of view, you could see Ivar make his way over to her. She wasn’t paying attention to Ivar at all while fighting off others. One of her shieldmaidens caught Ivar sneaking up on her and defended Lagertha.

Ivar was swift with his sword and slit her throat. Lagertha then took notice and turned to face him.

“I don’t want to fight you.”

“Your fate was set the day you and Hvitserk’s whore decided to kill my mother.”

“She had what was coming to her.” They stayed still watching each other as the others kept on fighting. “This is your last chance.”

“Do you take me as a fool, hmm? I’m no fool by any means. You have blood on your hands as much as I will when I’m finished here.”

Lagertha gripped her sword in her hand and raised it, preparing to fight Ivar. He had a smirk on his face and sheathed his weapon raising his hands by his sides. Men gathered behind him with their bow and arrows targeted on her.

Lagertha’s shieldmaidens were quick to gather their shields and raise them up in time when the arrows were shot. An arrow struct one of Lagertha’s legs.

Once they let up their shields they fought off Ivars men.

Ivar then grabbed his sword and approached Lagertha with his crutch in his other hand. She swung at him making their swords clash. She pushed him back and struck again.

Ivar grabbed the tip of her sword and leaned forward towards her. She looked at his bleeding hand in shock.

“I feel no pain.”

After the moment of surprise, she kicked Ivar’s crutch out from under him. He fell to the floor but also swiped her legs, knocking her down. He was quick to get on top of her driving his sword into her shoulder.

She yelled in pain. She glared up at Ivar then brought her hands up and dug her nails into his face drawing blood from him as well. Ivar shook her off and brought his hands to her neck, choking her.

Lagertha choked then brought her knee up hitting Ivar in the groin, knocking him off to the side. She finally inhaled some air and started coughing. She managed to pull Ivar’s sword from her shoulder.

When she regained herself she hovered over Ivar punching him in the face repeatedly. When she brought her fist up to punch him again, Ivar grabbed his sword and plunged it in her stomach.

She gasped. She looked down at the sword then at Ivar’s bloody face. He sat up and pushed Lagertha off of his sword.

Your eyes widened when you saw Ivar look over at you. Tears gathered in your eyes knowing your fate would soon be in his hands. He lifted Lagertha’s weak body up as he was still on the floor.

He brought a dagger out from behind and cut the side of her face. You looked away not wanting to watch him do something so vile and cruel.

“This will be your fate!” He yelled across from you. “I’ll skin your face too and make a boot out of it!” He laughed as if the idea amused him.

It sickened you to your stomach to know that he was skinning Lagertha’s face, knowing she was still alive.

The man holding you down yanked your head back making you look at Ivar. He brought his sword down on Lagertha. Blood splattering on his face and clothes. He used his sword to help him stand up and hold up Lagertha’s head.

He brought up her skinned face and sadistically smiled as he kissed it. You shivered in disgust.

Ivar was brought out of his enthusiasm when someone screamed his name. You looked over to see the seething Bjorn taking out men and women who stood in his way to get to Ivar.

Ivar rolled his eyes. When Bjorn got closer, Ivar tossed him his own mother’s head. Bjorn caught it, looking down at his unrecognizable mother. He reeled in his emotions and placed her head on the floor.

“You’ll pay for what you’ve done!”

“It’s just as your mother said ‘she had it coming’ so do you want to join her?”

“You’re a disgrace, Ivar. You always have been.”

Ivar huffed in anger. He grabbed a random man from his army and pushed him towards Bjorn.

Bjorn easily killed him. Ivar kept repeating the process, grabbing other men, and pushing them to Bjorn. He was trying to tire him out.

While Bjorn was distracted Ivar drove his sword through the back of Bjorn’s leg, rendering him helpless to one knee. Ivar leaned forward to whisper in Bjorn’s ear.

“I want you to feel how I feel all the time. To have pain in your legs.” He all but whispered in Bjorn’s ear.

Bjorn reached back and grabbed a hold of Ivar flipping him over on his back. Ivar was now looking up at Bjorn.

In a last ditch effort he knocked his head against Bjorn’s. He took his sword from behind Bjorn’s leg and knocked him out with the steel handle.

Ivar the turned pointing his sword at you.

“It’s time to end this! Bring her to me!”

Hvitserk’s POV

Hvitserk saw you out in the open. There was a man that was pulling you by your arm as you tried fighting back screaming at him.

His eyes widened, he was determined to kill the man who had his hands on you. Hvitserk looked around for anything that’ll help you. He was too far. He wouldn’t make in time even if he ran.

He found a bow and a few arrows on the floor by a dead man. He nocked his arrow into place. He took a deep breath focusing on the man who was dragging you by the hair. He evened out his breathing and let the arrow loose.

He watched as it hit the man behind the neck. His hold of you dissipated.

There was only so little time for him to feel relief but there was still the danger of you being down there where the fighting was at its peak.

He was determined to get to you before something really bad happens. His frustration grew when a man approached, pushing him back.

He swung at him, striking him down rather quickly. Hvitserk climbed down the ladder as quickly as he could.

His eyes wandered frantically trying to locate where you’re at. Then that’s when he saw you. He saw you on the floor with one hand on your side as you tried crawling backwards.

The assailant was none other than Ivar who was crawling much faster trying to get to you. Hvitserk ran as fast and as hard as he could, taking down anyone in his path to get to you.

He hoped he could get to you in time. There was no greater pain than the one in his heart at the thought of losing you and his unborn child forever.

Tagged: @lol-haha-joke @geekandbooknerd @alexa4040 @fairyofvoid @soleil-dor @grincheveryday @belovedcherry @lordsexmachine @ahlittlelost @hey-marina

#Hvitserk #Hvitty #Hvitserk x reader #Hvitserk Imagine #Hvitserk Lothbrok #Hvitserk Ragnarsson #Hvitserk fanfiction #Vikings #Vikings Fanfiction

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onthepageoftears · 4 years

Text

Hold Them Closer ~ Ch.7 [Jaskier x assassin!reader] || Witcher

A/N: It’s been less than a week and school is kicking my ass :) lol anyway i hope yall enjoy this chapter!

Summary: All that lies ahead is a skeleton of what you called home.

Warnings: mentions of killing/death/murder, insinuations of attack, language, slight angst and comfort

Words: 2,638

Please Don’t Plagiarize My Work!

The sky was bright, not a cloud to block any of the sun’s shine. The local farmers wiped tirelessly at the sweat that formed on their foreheads, but still, they smiled. Days like this didn’t come often, so a smile was a silent thank you to whoever blessed them with the hopeful weather.

You watched the square with a smile on your face, noticing the uplift in everyone’s spirits. A chicken walked aimlessly past the well that sat in the middle of the area, where your mother was gathering some water to bring back to your house. You giggled as she pulled the bucket from the well, accidentally sloshing some water onto the chicken’s back. It clucked, rushing past your mother and shaking its body to rid itself of water. But even in the chicken’s annoyance, it was probably happy as well. It was a nice day for everyone, no matter what happened.

You opened your eyes, almost shocked by the sight in front of you. Your memory hit you like whiplash as you stood in front of your now abandoned village, the darkness of night looming over you, almost as a threat. Even in the daytime you guessed that your village would feel dark and dim, now empty of the life you once witnessed it having.

You sighed, placing your hands on your knees as you kneeled in the same spot you once did as a child. Though you told yourself this could very well lead to nothing, the fact that it did make your heart shrink. At the very least, you thought you could ask the locals what happened to your mother — but there was no one here. Not a trace of anything, it seemed. It was a lost cause.

Footsteps crunched behind you, but you didn’t bother to turn. Next to you, Jaskier kneeled, placing a hand on your back with a sigh. He didn’t say anything for a bit — just watched the scene before you, waiting for you to speak.

To him, this place was just another abandoned village. You came across many of them before, stayed in some empty houses for a night despite the risk of them collapsing right then and there — but this…this was your home. It was the only home you considered calling home, despite the many places you and Rauf stayed in. And now, it was ruined.

“How did you know this was your village?”

You shrugged at Jaskier’s question, “I just…knew.” You took a sharp breath in, “And I still have the memories.”

He nudged you gently. “Tell me about them.”

You blinked as he looked over at you, avoiding his gaze. You kept your eyes on the well whose roof was on the brink of falling over. “This area was always so…alive. Kids would run around barefoot with chickens chasing after them for stealing eggs.”

You snorted, but your face stayed grim. “I thought they would still be here. Kids wandering, people doing their chores and…waiting to go home for supper.” You fought the tears that brimmed your eyes as you turned to Jaskier, whose face was as grim as yours. “What happened here?”

“I don’t know.” Jaskier took your hand in his own, bringing it to his lips for a soft kiss. “I don’t know what it was like before, but I can see it in your eyes. I can feel it. The life. Even if it is just my imagination.”

He watched you a moment longer, squeezing your hand so you would focus on him once more. “Let’s look around. You never know what we might find.”

With a deep breath, you let Jaskier pull you up with him, though standing felt like a chore in itself. Your limbs were heavy as the two of you walked through the village, passing Geralt a couple times on the short walk.

Your eyes scanned your surroundings, part of you not believing it was real. Though you left at a young age, the memories flooded you with every step, making what you were seeing so much worse. The houses that were now decrepit were once strong, with torches just by the front doors and someone sitting in a chair saying hello to their neighbors. The emptiness was shocking, and every time you felt it overwhelming you, you squeezed Jaskier’s hand.

Despite your weariness, Jaskier led the two of you inside some of the buildings. It was strange, entering houses that you knew people had lived in before. It wouldn’t have been strange if you didn’t remember the village, but knowing your neighbors once lived in these places — laughed, breathed, slept, ate — you felt like an intruder. Maybe you were one.

However long your village had been abandoned, it didn’t seem like stragglers found this place. If they did, they didn’t think it was worth it to stop and steal the leftover items. Some houses still had good blankets, leftover food (not that it was still good), forgotten coin. Others didn’t have the same luxury — they were ransacked, all essentials gone, leaving any useless items behind. That could only mean that the people from your village left in a hurry, or didn’t get the chance to leave at all.

The thought made you shiver, but maybe it was the cool air. The sky was almost completely dark by now, and the three of you met in the same square that you had been sitting in before. Geralt had a fire started already, acknowledging you and Jaskier with a grim nod as you sat across from him.

Jaskier was the first to speak, “I don’t understand.” No one responded. You were too busy staring at the embers that flew towards the sky, disappearing just as quickly as they appeared. Jaskier continued anyway, “What would make everyone just…up and leave?”

Geralt grunted. “Bandits?”

You took a sharp breath through your nose, eyes flicking to the ground in front of you. “That, or assassins.” You didn’t wait for a response to continue. “From his entries, I don’t think Rauf came back. But maybe his men did.”

The words settled in the silence of the night, making you shiver. Rauf lied about so much, you wouldn’t be surprised if he forgot to mention that his men tried to find your mother for him. He wasn’t the type to forgive and forget, clearly. So why would he have truly let your mother live? He was too much of a coward to kill her himself, so he might as well have sent people to do his dirty work for him.

It’s not like it would be the first time.

Jaskier touched your arm gently, bringing you back to reality. “Your house — do you remember where it is?”

You shifted uncomfortably. “Of course,” you whispered. How could you forget? You directed Jaskier away from it purposefully, not wanting to face what might have happened there. So many times you had visited your home in your dreams, but nothing good ever came from it. You feared it would be too painful to see the state of your house, because then, the memories you had clutched onto so delicately might perish forever.

When Jaskier didn’t answer you, you croaked out a, “Why?”

It was Geralt who responded. “Whoever came here didn’t come to loot.”

You turned your gaze to Geralt, wondering what he was getting at. “What do you mean?”

Jaskier spoke, “Some houses had stuff taken out of it, but others were left practically untouched.”

“Looters would never leave that much coin behind. Not unless they were blind.”

You blinked, letting their words swirl around your mind. You had noticed the same things, but the pieces hadn’t formed in your head. Perhaps your nostalgia was making your brain foggier than usual. You frowned at the information, working out the facts out loud.

“So the people who came here had a goal.” Your frown deepened. “It must have been Rauf’s assassins.”

“Maybe. But still—“ Jaskier turned to you, thoughtfulness etched in his face, “If we check your house…well, what I’m trying to say is — if the essentials are taken…maybe your mother got away.”

Maybe she got away. The thought made a spark ignite in your chest. As soon as it was there, you pushed it back. You didn’t want to be disappointed again, so you set your lips in a tight line.

“She could have left before the attack.”

Jaskier nodded, hope still surfacing his blue irises. “But if we check the house, you’ll be able to tell what stuff was hers, right? You’ll be able to know if she was living there when they…attacked.”

You pondered this, considering the man’s words. Though your memories were a bit scattered, you could remember your home relatively clearly. With a deep breath in, you pushed yourself up from the ground beneath you.

“Let’s go.”

—

The house stood before you, though stood was a strong word. The outside felt…off, definitely lower to the ground than it had been before. Still, it was too dark to truly tell, despite the makeshift torch Jaskier held. But it definitely wasn’t as you remembered it. It wasn’t nearly as comforting to see as it might have been in your memories.

“I can go in for you,” Jaskier said, his voice just above a whisper.

You shook your head, “No. I have to see this myself.”

You forced your feet to step forward, Jaskier just behind you. You blinked, noticing that the door to your old house wasn’t just open — it had been ripped off the hinges.

You let out a breath and pushed aside any fear that lingered in your movements. Stalling wouldn’t help anybody.

But as soon as your feet past the threshold, it felt like you were transported. Despite the darkness outside, you remembered the mornings with your mother making you breakfast, when the sun had begun shining through the windows and leaving rays of light on the cracked floors. You remembered the hum of your mother’s voice, the scratchy fabric of your homemade clothes, the way the wood floor felt under your bare feet.

“Come eat, Y/N.” You turned our head to the right, where your mother cut the bread she had just made onto the small table your father made not long ago.

You rushed to the food — it wasn’t much, but you didn’t mind. You didn’t know what you were missing, or that this wasn’t the usual food everyone ate. Your mother had done a good job of hiding the fact that you were quite poor, trying to keep your innocence as long as possible.

As you took small bites of your bread, you watched your mother walk out of the main room and into the room where the three of you slept — it was a small area, with no door, and only two beds. Your father and mother would squeeze into one of the twin sized beds, leaving you the other. But right now, your mother wasn’t going to lay down, she was going to get something. Something important.

You blinked in the darkness of the room, slightly overwhelmed by the memory.

“What are you thinking?” Jaskier’s voice nearly startled you, but you shrugged it off.

After the flash of your memory, you immediately felt a pit in your stomach. The main room was practically ripped to shreds — the table you used to eat at was cracked in half, drawers ripped from their places, items thrown on the floor, forgotten.

You slammed your eyes closed, hoping some of your memories would help you. The state of your old home made your stomach churn, but what Jaskier said before circled your mind. Just because it looked like a wreck didn’t mean she was killed — it just meant the people who did this were sent to wreak havoc if she wasn’t. The only way to know if your mother got away was if there was something important, something essential, that she needed to take with her.

The memory you recalled from before hit you again:

“What’s that?” You said, swallowing the last of your breakfast. Your eyes were wide with curiosity as your mother sat at the table beside you; she cradled something in her palms, a somewhat serious expression on her face.

“My sweet, sweet child. You know I love you very much, and I love our life more than anything.”

You nodded. Your mother was always a positive person, a charmer. It was no wonder so many people loved her.

Even so, she was quite a lonely woman. A lot of her time was spent taking care of you while your father worked as much as possible. You loved it, having her company — still, she was a dreamer. She wanted more for the both of you, however she had to get it.

She continued talking to you, but was mostly talking to herself.“I appreciate everything your father does for us…but someday, it might not be enough. And I fear that we may need to make a change, soon.” You didn’t interrupt her, eyes still trained on her closed palms. “This is a very important item. It was passed down from my mother to me, and is meant to be passed to you as well.”

You widened you eyes even more, captured by her statement. Wordlessly, she opened her palms, revealing the shiniest thing you had ever seen. It was a necklace with some sort of jewel at the center of it — even though you didn’t know exactly what it was, you knew it was probably worth a lot.

“Your father doesn’t know about this. Because this gift is yours as much as it is mine, I want to ask your permission for something.” You blinked, surprised by your mother’s forwardness. You were only eight after all, so a decision being placed on your shoulders felt strange. Still, you listened to your mother like her words meant everything to you — because they did. “If we sell our necklace, we can start a new life. We can have our own shop, maybe even a small farm—“

You perked up, “And animals?”

Smiling, your mom nodded. “And animals.” She reached forward to rub a crumb off your cheek, her eyes full of love.“What do you say?”

You smiled, “Okay.”

To you, the memory only lasted seconds. It was hazy at best, a jumble of expressions and feelings that didn’t make all that much sense. But what you knew for sure was that your mother saw that piece of jewelry as the key to your future, and would never have left the house without it.

Without a word, you trudged past the wreckage and walked into the side room where you used to sleep. Your heart was thumping in your chest as you leaned down, hope falling in you as the hiding spot in the floorboards was already ripped open. Swallowing your fear, you reached your hand into the crevice, feeling around the space like your hand would burn if it touched anything other than the ground.

With a breathy laugh, you stood from your spot, turning back to Jaskier in the darkness.

You could see his confusion in the light of the torch. “What is it?”

You smiled slowly, hope rumbling in your chest. Never in your life had the absence of something meant so much — but right now, finding a seemingly priceless jewel would have ruined your entire journey.

You nodded your head at Jaskier, rushing over to him and wrapping your arms around his neck. You pulled him towards you in a passionate kiss, feeling one of his hands find the small of your back.

When you pulled away, you kept your forehead to his, a smile finding it’s way on your face. “She got away.”

———————————————————————————————————

:O let me know your thoughts!

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whatelsecanwedonow · 4 years

Note

“Radical empathy”. I like it—I think. If I’m understanding what you mean by just those two words lol... I’m just over/about half way in (though I do know some details of what happens in the back half). Im very curious of your thoughts. Maybe you could answer in broad strokes before the cut then free for all spoilers... and pls tag so that I can come back to it!) I gotta finish, but rn I’m building up to facing the “rat king” or w/e bc I am a massive baby and am v scared lol.

Thank you for asking!! I’ll tag this for you and put it all under a cut, just in case:

Good luck with the rat king, lmao. Nasty ass motherfucker. But the game itself, my thoughts are that it’s built game ever. Every mechanic, every movement, every control interface feels so smooth. It’s all fluid and instinctual. You can feel the detail to creation in everything. My favorite thing may be the sound design, though... the score, the ambient sounds, the sound of gore, the way that different environments feel so naturally different... everything is so real. It’s mastery. I’m already thinking about what this game is going to look like on the PS5 remaster.

As for story, yes, radical empathy!! Not my original idea but it absolutely is what this is all about. This is the darkest, most emotionally distressing... media/art experience? Ever? Surely for me and perhaps objectively, for most people. This game is unrelentingly harsh. It’s physically taxing. It’s extraordinary deep and the detail at every single level is absurd. It feels so natural in the way you inhabit it and live within the world as these people that the line between observing and participating in something is so blurred... obviously that’s the trick of a video game of this caliber, but you feel truly as if you’re an active participant with agency to make decisions in TLOU2, instead of being limited to observing what is to come. The first game did this well, but this game takes it to levels that, again, blur that line so much... I think that’s storytelling taken to a new and profound level.

And there’s all that depth and darkness meant to take you on a journey that in the end, I think. is meant to communicate not just the futility of violence, the sickening reality of the cycle of violence and how it can consume anyone. It’s saying that the best thing we can do, the bravest thing we can do, is care enough to forgive those who have wronged us most. At least, see them as people, see them as people who are equal to you. In every person is a universe, and all people have their own motivations, their own pain, their own trauma. And if you acknowledge that and overcome violent impulses that’s a radical act of empathy that can save so many people. Not the least of whom is the person who may have right to vengeance.

I’ll get more specific here: I think a lot of people are upset that Joel was killed so early on. I think they’re upset that we played so much of the game as Abby (Who I don’t love by the end, but I understand, and care about and like well enough). And it also seems they’re upset that Ellie didn’t bash Abby’s head in, or choke her out in the ocean. Well if you can’t get over that Ellie didn’t murder Abby I don’t think you get ANYTHING this game is trying to do. Killing Abby would destroy Ellie, probably forever. Murdering all of Abby’s friends already took her to the fucking brink. I think Ellie’s villainous actions in Seattle are very much akin to what we never saw Joel do, in the 20 years between Sarah’s death and Boston. She’s been broken. She was broken before going after Abby in Santa Barbara. If she had killed Abby and left Lev to fend for himself and possibly die alone, do you think she’d ever again be able to look who she’d become? She would see herself as being just as evil as Abby was to her. As evil as Joel was before learning to love Ellie. And it’s the thought of Joel, the changed man, the man who changed for and because of her that compels her to take her heroic stand. To spare Abby and refuse to go down the same road and perpetuate the cycle of violent loss.

And I hope it doesn’t seem that I’m taking Joel’s death lightly with those thoughts, I loved Joel. Watching Abby brutalize him and literally beat his brains in was stomach-turning. I identified with him so much not just because he’s a dumbass but because he loves Ellie like I love Ellie as a character. He sees that Ellie is a spectacular, hilarious, wonderful person who has known almost nothing but pain and hurt in their awful world. All he wants is to give her a chance at a world of happiness. And in protecting her and caring for her, in trying to create the opportunity for that happiness to grow, he can find redemption that he thought would never come again after losing Sarah. "If somehow the Lord gave me a second chance at that moment...I would do it all over again." That fucking broke me to pieces. Even though I think Joel and Abby’s father are both guilty of taking Ellie’s agency as a person away from her - why did it never occur to either of them to ask the girl at the center of this procedure whether she thought she should die? She was 14, so it’s arguable that she would have understood the gravity of her decision, despite the guilt of what happened with Riley... but Joel at least did what he did from a traumatized, if selfishly-born, place unconditional love. And the reveal that Ellie knew since two years prior to the main story, I think it proves that she was at least beginning to understand his motivation. As conflicted as she was, as much as it hurt that he lied, she loved him too.

I’ve read thoughts from a few people who have interpreted this the same way that I did, and this is just interpretation... clearly the game is completely ambiguous with the ending. Ellie is, literally, all alone in the world as she leaves the farm. She could be heading off to wander aimlessly as some sort of TLOU Mad Max/Road Warrior. But that would break my heart, lol, I don’t think I can accept that. She’s learned something profound in sparing Abby. I don’t think I can ever accept that she’s just going to drift as an empty shell of what she used to be forever. I think she wants to honor Joel by attempting to live the life both of them wanted to have: one of purpose and meaning, but also lasting happiness and love.

So I find hope in that the game begins and ends on that animation of the moths. At the start of the game it represents Ellie being draw into the fire, into the futile flames of vengeance and revenge. At the end the moths represent her being drawn towards the light - she’s been freed and has made peace with herself and Joel, and is leaving the farm to embrace the goodness inside her and honor the lessons she’s learned. The same growth Joel found by loving Ellie. The same growth Abby found in sparing Ellie and Dina, which is no small parallel to Ellie/Joel in the way that it was Lev that saved Abby from falling into a spiral of violence that she may never have broken free of again.

Ellie’s will always be traumatized, but she’s so much wiser. Two fingers lighter but so much wiser. And now she’s off to Jackson to hope that Dina can find the strength to forgive her. And Dina definitely went back there, by the way, she wasn’t about to try and survive on that farm by herself with JJ. Jesse’s family said she was always welcome, if you read Ellie’s journal you’ll see that was said. So I think, with time, they can work through the pain. It’ll take some unbelievable forgiveness on Dina’s part but Dina is emotionally strong and incredibly empathic. Did you notice the one thing Dina took from Ellie’s art room? She took the portrait that Ellie created of her. She didn’t let go, not entirely. And now I’m going to choose to believe that Ellie won’t ever again, either.

And she’s going to learn to play guitar pseudo-lefty with a pick and tear shit up again. 👌

#The Last of Us Part II #tlou spoilers #tlou2 spoilers #tlou 2 spoilers #i intended to control myself and then... i didn't #Anonymous

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iwillsinkwithmyships · 4 years

Text

Beautiful Boy, Bathed in Disaster

As he laid dying in a Siberian bunker Tony Stark thinks about betrayals and broken promises. Left behind and half-dead he is faced with his worst nightmare.

Notes: This was literally written in hours, which is insane because usually I take forever to finish even a one shot. But this just flowed! The title comes from the song "In Loving Memory" by Chester Lockhart which played in repeat while I wrote this. I recommend you listen to it as you read it as well lol

There is a slight canon divergence as in my story, Pepper and Tony broke up after Iron Man 3 and Tony and Steve get together a little after Captain America: The Winter Soldier.

Borrowed some quotes from other Avengers works, such as comics and AA

AO3 Link

"Mr. Stark."

"Captain."

"Is everything a joke to you?"

"Funny things are."

"Big man in a suit of armor... take that off, what are you?"

"Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist."

"I know guys with none of that worth ten of you. I've seen the footage, the only thing you really fight for is yourself. You are not the guy to make the sacrifice play, to lay down on a wire and let the other guy crawl over you."

"I think I would just cut the wire."

"Always a way out. You know, you may not be a threat, but you better stop pretending to be a hero."

"A hero? Like you? You're a laboratory experiment Rogers. Everything special about you came out of a bottle."

"What the hell! What just happened? Please tell me nobody kissed me."

"We won."

"Oh, alright, yay! Alright, good job guys! Uh, let's just not come in tomorrow. Let's just take a day. You ever try shawarma? There is a shawarma joint about two blocks from here. I don't know what it is, but I wanna try it."

"We are not finished yet."

"And then shawarma after?"

"Oh really you two knew each other? He never mentioned that...maybe only a thousand times. God, I hated you."

"Sometimes I wanna punch you in your perfect teeth, but I don't want to see you gone. We need you Cap."

"Winghead"

"Shellhead"

"You are walking a little funny Steve, next time you should establish a safe word." . . . "You are walking a little funny Tony, what was that you were saying about a safe word?"

"Hilarious."

"Wait a second, no one else gonna deal with the fact that Cap just said 'language'?"

"I know...It just slipped out."

"We'll lose."

"Then we'll do that together too."

"Sometimes my teammates don't tell me things."

"I don't trust a guy without a dark side. Call me old fashioned."

"Well let's just say you haven't seen it yet."

"How can you possibly hope to stop me?"

"Well, like the old man said: together."

"No way we all make it through this."

"I got no plans tomorrow night."

"I will miss you Tony"

"Tony, when I woke up on this era, I had no one. Nothing. You gave me a purpose, somewhere to belong...You gave me a home."

"You wanna survive you gotta change with the times."

"Spend a few decades frozen in ice, then we can talk about survival."

"Just say it, say 'Tony I'm afraid of new tech!' admitting you have a problem is always the first step."

"Gosh Mr. Big Brain, your modern tech is so gol-darn confusing. How does this contraption turn water into coffee? Is it coal power or is it a miracle?"

"Hmm, sarcasm must be a modern invention, because when you do it, it just sounds wrong."

"But, with my armor gone, all I can do is improvise. Steve, even without your shield, you're still captain America. Without my armor I'm just ..."

"Tony Stark, THE Tony Stark, billionaire, genius, you are probably one of the three smartest men in the entire world. You are as tough as they come, you invented hardcore. The avengers are lucky you are on our side."

"Really? you know two people smarter than me?"

"Can't you just take a compliment."

"I am not half as good at - at anything as I am when I'm doing it next to you. And that's the truth."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"Good morning Beloved. Did anyone check the dumpster for Clint yet?"

"Funny you should ask that..."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"I'm worried about you, if you don't get some sleep..."

"I slept for 70 years - "

"Yeah, you've used that line before."

"Leave me alone. I am a senior citizen."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"He's my friend."

"So was I."

"Did you know?"

"I wasn't sure it was him--"

"Don't bullshit me Rogers! Did. You. Know?"

"Yes."

Images and memories flashed through Tony's mind as he laid on the cold floor of the abandoned Hydra base. The Siberian cold penetrating his suit as his mind raced.

Steve had known the truth about his parents' death for years. He'd known when they fought Ultron. He'd known when he gave Tony shit about keeping secrets, the fucking hypocrite. He'd known over a year ago, he'd known when he leaned over the table to kiss Tony. He'd known when they tumbled into bed that same night. He'd known for the rest of their relationship, even when he whispered "I love you" late at night and when Tony had said it right back.

He'd known.

And now all Tony was left with was a broken suit and an abandoned shield.

Tears fell out of his eyes as he fell back to the floor. Steve had left. He'd taken Barnes and walked right out, without sparing a second thought for Tony. After he and Pepper had broken up Tony had resigned himself to being alone for the rest of his life. Then Steve had kissed him and all of the sudden Tony had been in love again. They'd still fought but Tony had learned to see Steve's side of things and to explain his side of things to Steve. Tony had been sure that this was it. He'd fallen hard and fast for Steve.

"Well that shows you, huh Stark."

-----

Some time later, Tony's eyes startled open as he realized that he had no way out of that bunker.

-----

The temperature kept dropping, and Tony had long given up hope of a rescue.

"Well Yinsen, it looks like I did waste my life after all... I'm sorry."

Tony closed his eyes.

-----

When Tony came to again, everything was still cold and painful. He tried to move, but the suit was frozen and still dead, quiet honestly, Tony didn't know how he was still alive.

The sound of footsteps echoed through the bunker, and Tony blinked trying to place the sound. Had FRIDAY alerted Vision?

A few minutes later two slender figures walked towards him.

"Father," he didn't recognize the breathy feminine voice that rang out, "We've found him. We've got Stark."

"He looks half dead. Should we put him out of his misery?" Another woman said, her voice a lot more confident. The two figures walked closer, and Tony struggle to keep his eyes open. There was no way he could defend himself.

"Patience daughter, I have plans for Stark." A deep voice responded. The two women walked into the sliver of light that managed to get into his cold dark tomb. He finally laid eyes on them and his breathing grew harsher. The two women were not...human. They were humanoid, but one of them was blue, and her body was littered with mechanic enhancements, the other was completely green with deep burgundy hair. The two of them exuded murderous vibes. The kind that Tony usually only got from Natasha and Pepper. He drew in a harsh breath and tried once more to get up from the cold floor he'd been planing to die in.

"Such fighting spirit. It's a pity that humanity does not appreciate you Anthony Stark." An imposing figure approached from the shadows. He was huge, probably bigger than the hulk himself. "I have waited a long time to meet you Stark."

"Yo...u..... kno...w....m...e?" he managed to croak out.

"I do, you are not the only one cursed with knowledge."

"..w- wh..who...?" Tony could barely keep conscious. He was still on the verge of death, and aliens invading earth was literally his worst nightmare. A new voice rang out and a squid looking figure joined the others.

"Rejoice, you will have the privilege of being saved by The Great Titan, Thanos."

"Wh...wh.." Tony gasped for breath, "...why...?"

"I have come for you Stark. Earth's Greatest Defender. When I first enslaved the Asgardian, I thought his task a simple one. After all this planet is quite primitive compared to others we've conquered before. Yet, you and your team managed to defeat my army." The titan walked closer to him, "Imagine my surprise at realizing that it hadn't been your Asgardian ally who'd laid waste to my ships and army, but a simple human. Fascinating. After that it was difficult not to pay attention. Time and time again, you defend it, and this is your reward" The titan waved a hand towards the pathetic picture Tony painted.

"G..go..f..fuh..Fuck...yo...yours...self." Thanos smiled and waved a hand to those behind him.

"Give him a blood transfusion, The Accuser should have provided enough, and make sure he survives. Once he's no longer on the brink of death, bring him to me."

---------------------

Tony had passed out after his encounter with Thanos and when he'd woken up he was being moved. The pain had dulled down, most likely a result of the forced blood transfusion. He'd shuddered as he thought about it. Once more a victim of nonconsensual body modifications.

This nightmare just kept getting worse.

He was laid on a hard surface and bound. The genius took a moment to analyze his current situation, he seemed to be in some sort of medical room, there were holograms displaying what he assumed to be his own vitals. The technology seemed advanced and otherworldly so he took this to mean that he'd somehow made it into the ship. What was this Thanos actually doing here? Where they still on Earth? Was Earth under attack?

That final thought made him pull at his restrains, he immediately slumped back in the bed his body still felt like he'd been run over by a bus.

'or two super-soldiers'

Tony closed his eyes as the entire fight replayed in his mind. God he'd been so fucking stupid. And now here he was trapped by some crazy alien bent on conquering earth. Who would protect Earth now? Rogers and Barnes were definitely on the wind now. About half of the team were sitting in Ross's super secret prison. He hoped Vision runs and hides that damn stone. God knows were Natasha was hiding.

And Rhodey. Rhodey was in no condition to fight.

The door to the room he was currently trapped in opened and in walked the mad titan himself, accompanied by his two daughters? Who looked nothing like him.

"Stark, you are awake."

"Where am I? What do you want? You better stay away from Earth or I swe-"

"Don't worry, the time will come but there is much to do before I return for Earth's salvation." Tony's jaw clenched as he watched the purple maniac approach him. "Like I said, I am here for you Stark."

"What do you want from me? From the looks of this ship, you have no need for my tech much less my money, so what do you want? Weapons? I'll die before I ever create another weapon of mass destruction!" The titan simply smiled and sat beside him. His two deadly looking daughters stood guard by the door.

"I am here to offer you a place in my order, as my son and perhaps my heir." Tony stared incredulously and glanced at the other two in the room and saw their shocked expressions. So he hadn't shared his plans for Tony with them.

"Excuse me?!"

"I admire your bravery and tenacity Anthony, you would do well in my order and when I have achieved perfect balance in this entire universe I wish to retire, but I must leave someone in charge. I think you would do well."

"You are out of your mind." the brunette gritted out.

"You could help me save this entire universe from itself, and then you would be the most powerful man in the universe. Join us Stark"

"Never. I can't believe you thought that I'd say yes to this."

"You and I are quite similar you know. I too was called mad for trying to protect my planet. I tried to save my planet and our people, I was ignored, and the entire planet perished. Are you not tired Anthony? Of trying to save a planet that doesn't want to be saved?" The ache in Tony's chest grew and he continued to glare at Thanos.

"Never." Thanos let out a disappointed sigh and got back on his feet.

"I had hoped you would see reason," he walked towards the medical equipment in the room, "perhaps a little reminder of what Earth has repaid your loyalty with will help."

Tony couldn't help his scream at the pain his head was under. As he trashed he thought he saw pitying looks come from the two women by the door.

Everything went dark.

His father sitting him down at 8 years-old and handing him a glass of whiskey. The start of his alcohol problems.

His father handing him hot tools despite his bare hands. The reason he doesn't like being handed things.

Tiberius Stone.

The Cave. The open hear surgery without anesthesia. The waterboarding. Yinsen.

"When I ordered the hit on you, I worried that I was killing the golden goose. But you see, it was just fate that you survived that, you had one last golden egg to give."

The Palladium poisoning. The fight with Rhodey. Rhodey taking off with his suit.

The helicarrier fight.

Extremis. Maya. Aldrich. AIM.

His break up with Pepper.

Ultron. Thor lifting him by the neck, as everyone watched and did nothing to stop him.

A video of the winter soldier killing his parents. Steve's betrayal.

Steve walking out on him with Barnes in his arms and dropping the shield.

"Tell me my child, do you wish to forget? To bury all this pain and suffering. All the betrayal and abandonment?" . . . . . . . .

"Yes."

#My fic #My writing #steve x tony #stony #captain america civil war #CA:CW #AU #Canon AU #steve rogers x tony stark #stevetony

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jayjay1665 · 4 years

Text

There For Her

Written for @stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale writing challenge. Day #19 Helping Hand.

Summary: After Clem returned to the school, unconscious, missing a leg, and what looks like on the brink of death, Louis vows to always be there for her. Sequel to It's Okay To Not Be Okay.

Note: the idea of this actually sprung from a post @bluebutterfly1 made a loonng time ago. i had it saved on my computer and was trying to write for it, but no good ideas came to mind, so i figuered i’d just keep it and maybe comeback to it eventually. And i finally did after like...months...lol

Word Count: 923

A03

Wattpad ( i made it a seperate work on A03 and Wattpad, but it’s also added to It’s Okay To Not Be Okay as a part 2)

Louis sat on a chair besides Clem bed as he silently observed her current features. The sickly pale, almost grey skin, such a contrast from her usual light bronze tone. And the most prominent feature… Louis allowed his view to wandered to the lower half of her body. He felt a sick twist in his stomach as he looked at what remained of her left leg. A stump wrapped in gauze with blood already starting to seep through.

He swallowed hard, but regretted the action before ha had a chance to fully carry it out due to the pain that sprung from the back of his mouth. Another reminder from the traumatizing past 24 hours.

He reached out and grabbed her hand, squeezing it as gently as possible, as if too much pressure would cause the whole limb to disintegrate. As he gently stroked her hand with his thumb, his mind wandered back to the recent event of her arriving. He didn’t want it to, but he has learned that the mind will sometimes make you think of things you’d rather keep locked away.

~hours earlier~

Louis sniffed loudly as he gently pulled himself away from Ruby’s shoulder. The tears and snot that weren’t already absorbed into her shirt still stuck to his face. Ruby grabbed a napkin off of the nightstand and proceeded to gently wipe his face for him.

“There ya go, hon.” Ruby said softly. She grabbed another fresh napkin and pushed it to his nose.

“Now blow.” She commanded gently.

Louis raised his eyebrow at her, a questioning look in his face that seemed to ask, “Are you serious?”

She raises an eyebrow back at him “You heard me. Blow.” She commanded with a sterner tone in her voice.

Louis rolled his eyes but obeyed. Ruby nodded at his cooperation and threw the used napkin into a small wastebasket by the bed.

Louis felt himself smile a genuine smile. Something he’s felt as if he hasn’t done in forever. Ruby mirrored his expression and asked,

“So, I take it yer feelin’ a bit better?” Louis thought for a moment before he slowly nodded his head. He noticed his mind felt a little lighter. Ruby’s smile widened.

“Good. And remember,” she placed a hand in his shoulder, “I’m sure the others would help ya just as much, but I’ll always he here if ya need-”

“OH MY GOSH!”

“WHAT THE-

“WHAT HAPPENED!”

Ruby was interrupted as terrified screams and shouts erupted from outside. Her and Louis’ head snapped to the window before looking at each other, concern pained on their faces. They rushed outside as fast as they could and were met with a horrific sight. A sight they both knew no one would ever, or could ever forget.

AJ, from head to toe, was covered in blood and guts. Even thought the offending substance covered his face, the tears and sheer exhaustion in the boy’s face was apparent.

But that wasn’t all. The small boy was holding up a wheelbarrow, and inside of it holding up a wheelbarrow, and inside of it was Clementine’s seemingly lifeless body. And the most glaring feature, her left leg was cut off from below the knee. The appendage resembling nothing more than a bloody stump.

Louis’ eyes widened and his heart began to race. He felt as though whatever blood was left in his face had completely drained away. His breathing quickened.

“Oh…my…” Ruby’s voice quivered as she spoke.

“What?!- H-How…” Aasim stuttered, barely able to stand straight.

Willy was unnaturally quiet. He was just staring at the horrific scene, his face pale, looking like he could pass out at any moment.

Omar’s breathing was quick and heavy as he tried to stall the growing nausea growing in his stomach. He soon realized his efforts were in vain as he covered his mouth and ran towards a nearby bush to empty his stomach onto the forest floor.

Violet visibly trembled stepped closer to AJ and Clem. “Wh-…What… AJ?” She stuttered.

“Clem…sh-she got …I had t-to…she…” the poor boy struggled through tears. He could barely comprehend the situation even thought he had lived it himself.

“AJ..” Violet said trying her best to remain calm, “What happened?”

AJ was quiet for a moment as he tried to contain himself. He took a shaky breath before answering.

“She got bit.”

Louis felt a horrible tremor shake through his body. As if all his organs had collapsed on themselves, leaving him with no way to think or breathe. He dropped to his knees crying out a garbled mess as his worst nightmare was happening right in front of him.

Ruby worked on Clem for a couple of hours before letting anyone else see her. She only allowed AJ and Aasim to be present. AJ so he could explain to her what happened and if he did anything at all to keep the wound somewhat sterile until he got back to the school, and Aasim was there to help her out and lend moral support.

She’s never had to patch anything up this bad before. After a couple of hours, she deemed Clem’s condition as stable, but all they could do now is wait and hope for her to wake up…

Tears clouded Louis’ vision as he continued to gaze upon Clem’s virtually lifeless form. From where he sat, he made a silent promise to her. If she…no, when she wakes up, he vowed to give her all the patience, support, and help she deserves.

He furrowed his brows as determination sunk in.

He will always be there for her.

#so this story’s thanks to u Blue 💙#twdgdrabblechallenge #twdg fanfic #twdg ruby #twdg louis #twdg clem #twdg aj #short story #twdg omar #twdg willy #twdg aasim

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teddystrap · 5 years

Text

[神なる君と] Spirit duo - Rei

なんかちょっとラストスパートな感じですけど…

Rei is the friendly spirit that Sakuya and co. met when they were investigating rumours about hauntings in the old school building. He’s arguably the most ‘mysterious’ character, since nothing is known about his former life, and I was super curious what his deal is. Not to mention he’s the final obstacle standing between me and Mikoto!! Ψ(￣∀￣)Ψケケケ

Truth be told he’s not really my type, though - since I’m not 15 anymore. I mean he’s a ghost but looks more like a forest elf / Mori Boy circa. 2001, and his voice sounds like it’s breaking. Compared to the other characters also he has a personality (or lack thereof) that is blander than konnyaku. In fact I found myself opening all the Yuzuru options in his common route first before going back and redoing them for Rei, because senpai saranghae I only wanna be wit u <3...

Aaanyway.

-Mizuniwa Rei-

Rei-kun’s common route was actually quite revealing and interesting - in two of his ema, Mikoto actually asked to tag along, so it seemed like there might be some important information there idk.

In his second ema, Mikoto tells Sakuya that she has the power to push people who are on the brink between Life and Death into one world or another, depending on what kind of guidance she gives.

Which in retrospect seemed like heavy foreshadowing for what’s about to come.

Fuu-san’s backstory was also revealed here:

Around 10 years ago, Fuu-san and his bff, a boy named Kawashina Yuuya, were students at Mikagurayama High School. One day they found a hidden basement storage room in the old school building, and turned it into their hang-out spot.

The basement used to be a bomb shelter, and had some books left over on occult spells and curses, that were used during the war to protect the townspeople. Fuu-san found a book with a spell to summon the powers of the Great Demon, and wanted to try it out of fun/boredom, but Yuuya was against it.

So Fuu-san did it by himself anyway. He got the sealed cursed box from the magical cave and took it back to the basement to perform the spell. Halfway through he passed out... and when he came to, he realised that Yuuya saved him by transferring the spell onto himself.

Yuuya never woke up again, despite a lot of medical attention and whatnot. After half a year, Fuu-san decided to quit school and skip town to learn exorcism so that he can save his friend. But when he finally returned a few years later, Yuuya had already died...

Fuu-san lived with guilt all these years and thought that Yuuya died hating him. But when he went down to the basement with Sakuya to liberate his spirit, Yuuya’s spirit communicated through Sakuya that he doesn’t ever regret saving Fuu-san, and he hopes Fuu-san can stop blaming himself and go forward in life, smiling... By this point I was pretty much crying like a baby... ｡･ﾟ･(ﾉД｀)･ﾟ･｡

Oh how I wish there was a Su-sa-no-o in my neighbourhood, with a sexy store-owner like Fuu-san...

But we’re not here to court Fuu-san (I wish we could, mang. I wish we could), so let’s get back to Rei. In his route Sakuya tries to help him to find out about his family and his past. She asks Aki for help ofc, and Aki reports back that she couldn’t find anyone matching Rei’s description in the database of deaths, nor the missing persons list...

And the mystery deepens dun-dun-DUN. This would’ve made for an interesting story development,... except the writers totally abandon it and instead opt for Rei and Sakuya frolicking around in the forest, true to his Mori Boy style (wholesomely tho, since they are both underage XD). Then Rei realises that he’s not long for this world, and he tries to put some distance between them - but Sakuya eventually convinces him that they should spend his last remaining time on earth together and make lots of beautiful (wholesome) memories.

There were a lot of group events in his route, which was nice since I got to see Yuzuru-senpai mucho. (Although he’s not an option here obvsly T_T)

You know I will happily choke on a fish bone for you, senpai <3.

So hoshimatsuri night, Rei undergoes the ceremony to pass into the other world. Sakuya stays home, because she’s not strong enough to go and say goodbye to him. Is this like deja vu from the Yorihito/Nisei story arc or what?? ...After that, Sakuya goes to the old school building one day after school, and finds a note from Rei. SURPRISE - he’s still here.

...

It turns out that Sakuya’s, uhh, clinginess is keeping him from successfully departing. At this rate he’s going to grow weaker and weaker and become trapped in the interstitial space between two worlds - forever. They keep communicating through notes, and through voice chatting over radio, while Sakuya grows enough balls to finally let him go.

Eventually she does. Because let’s face it - Otomate can’t afford to pay their seiyuu to carry on a story for like two gajillion chapters.

In his final moment of departure, he appears to Sakuya in a dream, but they can’t hear each other’s voice. Just as Sakuya is freaking out, he pulls her in and kisses her, then disappears into the ether. (*ฅ́˘ฅ̀*)♡

...I guess Yuzuru and Rei’s routes don’t work the same way as Narumi and Yakumo’s, bc you don’t get the alternative ending by choosing the ‘wrong’ option for the last couple of choices. I wasn’t strong enough for senpai’s bad end, but I was actually pretty curious about Rei’s, although all the same I wasn’t able to unlock it. Either way I hope he didn’t get stuck in between worlds forever, poor kid has been through enough.

1. Good end: Fast forward 10 years, Sakuya becomes a teacher at Mikagurayama High School, just as Rei had hoped. She still goes to the garden every day to take care of Rei’s flowers. The old school building is about to be torn down because it’s too old and might be a safety hazard. She’s on her way there one last time... when she gets a call from Aki, who finally found out what happened with Rei’s past-life investigation 10 years ago. Unfortunately Aki trips on something and the line cuts off before we get to hear it. _(:3」∠)_

So Sakuya is there happily watering her flowers, when guess who appears - ahem *Rei*, now all grown up. He tells her that this time he’s not a spirit anymore... and the scene just ends there. I’ve seen a lot of abrupt endings but this has gotta take the cake. Although I’ll admit adult Rei is kinda sorta smoking hot, so less talk more making out!

[Thoughts] What can I say? This route really didn’t explain as much as I thought it would, although there were some good bits. For one, the Fuu-san backstory really got to me. Fuu-san was always the side character that I was most curious about, since he seems kind of... shady, and like he might’ve had a colourful past. His arc really delivered, and it’s my favourite out of all the four side stories, although I loved them all in their own way.

I was expecting to find out about Rei’s past here, but I guess the writers are saving it for Mikoto’s route / wrap-up, which almost certainly means there’s going to be a surprise revelation. So I am looking forward to that and I hope they don’t fuck it up.

The route itself actually felt like it was mostly stuff that belongs in a fandisk, rather than an individual character route. All the group hangouts, and scenarios that reveal idiosyncrasies about the other characters (e.g. everyone’s drawings in the Fuu-san arc. I finally got to see Yuzuru-senpai’s kawaii creations! :3).

Senpai’s art totally unleashes his inner otome...

As expected, Rei failed to give me any doki-doki feels... except at the end, where we saw grown-up Rei and got to hear Iguchi Yuuichi’s normal voice for like 2 seconds. (I wish this game had a fandisk bc I *definitely* need more of that!!) From the other character routes I got the sense that he’s an iyashi-kei type of guy, and he’s probably the most consistent out of all of them, because he continues being selfless and caring about Sakuya before himself throughout - e.g. helping her to find her future path despite not having one himself.

Still I gotta admit, when he confessed that he liked Sakuya, I did a silent fist-pump in the air, because FINALLY here’s a guy who said it first. I’m so tired of always having to make the first move >;(

Also the thing that Narumi said really touched me here: that Rei would rather choose a lonely existence as a spirit trapped between two worlds for the rest of eternity, than force Sakuya to let him go. Even when he was weakening, he never said anything to Sakuya. In a way he was perhaps the most adult-like one out of all of them. Admittedly I didn’t like Sakuya very much in this route. She seemed very self-absorbed and immature, refusing to face the truth. But eventually Narumi kind of slapped some sense into her (figuratively ofc, I mean Narumi would never actually slap her XD) and she did choose to do the right thing.

...I guess Narumi is determined to be the guy that has a crush on her and ‘saves her’ one way or another in every route. Kudos to him but he’s still only, like, my third or fourth favourite lols.

Lastly, I felt that this route was actually the most poetic + metaphorical one so far. (Maybe the other ones were, too, and I just wasn’t paying attention?) ...The metaphor of flowers bearing seeds that blossom into new flowers, bearing witness to their relationship and carrying on their legacy. When they first met the flowers were newly planted, and when they said goodbye they were just about to wither.

Also Sakuya and Rei always met after class at sunset, the time between day and night - like the space between Life and Death. Idk mang but that’s, like, really beautiful or sumshit.

But this is the most poetic thing of them all~!

#otome #otome game #idea factory #otomate #psp #visual novel #kami naru kimi to #wafuu #supernatural #iguchi yuuichi #sakurai takahiro

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hail-langdvn · 5 years

Text

Invictus

Part: 1

Summary: (Y/N) will inevitably win, rendering her unconquerable, whether by the side of her lover, Michael, or beside her mother, Cordelia.

Warning(s): Fem!Witch!Reader x Michael Langdon, i don't think there's anything off but sorry if there something in here

Word Count: 1.7k

(oof! so, wrote this awhile ago so that's why it's in second person instead of third person omniscient like i always have it lol, sorry! the next part might be in third tho just a heads)

Outpost 3 was the strangest by far. The previous out posts you and Michael visited were breeding babies by the week but this one, Outpost 3, they hadn't even touched one another.

“Sad, imagine us being abstinent for eighteen months.” You mumble holding Michael's hand as you both enter the library filled with the remaining of the human race.

“(Y/N), please.” Michael releases your hand as you two stand before the people of Outpost 3. “My name is Langdon, this is Foxx, and we represent the Cooperative. I will not sugar-coat it, humanity is on the brink of failure.”

“Our arrival here was crucial to the survival of civilized life on Earth.” You announce glancing around. Your heart drops to your stomach when you see two of your (former) sisters: Coco and Mallory. They looked at you and Michael as if they've never seen you a day in their lives. I give you props, mom. You think to yourself. The world was ending and here we have it, two witches. It was definitely set up.

“If there is one thing (Y/N) cares about,” Zoe announces to the council, “it's herself. You're incapable of picking a side other than your own.” You scoff and shake your head.

“You know what Michael is planning, yet you refuse to tell us?” Your mother asks.

“If I knew, I would tell you.” You knew as much as they did. All you knew was Michael had business in his father's will and you wanted to live. If survival came down to following Michael, then so be it.

“A lie can only travel so far, dear.” Aunty Myrtle states, placing her gloved-hands on the table set before her.

“Mother, Aunt Myrtle, Zoe,” You fake your solemnity, “I don't want to put our Coven in danger, but I can promise all I know is Michael is planning to fulfill his father's will.”

“What happens if we choose not to?” Someone asks, snapping you out of your daze.

“Then you stay here and die.” You deadpan, already annoyed of the presence of these people. Michael nods in agreement. The man with the white-ish hair volunteers to go first and Michael allows. The atmosphere becomes dense, everyone fearing for their lives. The feeling gives you a small amount of joy, sadistic joy.

“The process should only take me a couple of days, so you won't be kept in suspense forever.” Michael explains easing off the tension from the air. “For those of you who don't make the cut, all is not lost.”

“If the worst should happen and feral cannibals come knocking, down one of these.” You continue from Michael. “One minute later,”

“You fall asleep and never wake up.” Michael finishes for you. His sinister smile reappears as he takes one last look around. “I look forward to meeting each and every one of you.”

As you and Michael exit, the curiosity settles with you, making you super uneasy. What is my mother planning? You ask yourself as the two of you walk down the hall to your shared room. You feel Michael's slim fingers snake around your waist and pull you into him closer. “You look like you're thinking hard.” He says, opening the door. “Something different about this Outpost?”

You shake your head and shrug off Coco and Mallory for now. “No, but Mr. Gallant seem very fond of you, honey.” You place the stack of portfolios on Michael's desk next to his MacBook. “Let's hope there isn't another repeat of Outpost 1.”

Michael smoothly walks over to you on the bed. The way he presented himself and walked, always gliding so smoothly. He never truly stumbled, it wasn't in his character to. “Let's not get so jealous, my love.” He whispers in your ear as he spreads your legs, placing himself between them. Michael places soft kisses to your neck while you move his hair out of the way. You release a soft moan when he starts to suck on your collarbone. “M-Michael.” You breathe out, poorly attempting to push him off. “Interviews, remember?”

Michael pauses when hearing a knock on the door. He gets up causing cold air to rush to your fresh love Mark. “Get the door, my love.” He commands, straightening himself out. You obey, opening the door to reveal Ms. Venable.

“Hello, Ms. Venable. Can I help you?” You ask politely. She dismisses you and looks over to Michael. “Mr. Langdon, Mr. Gallant is ready whenever you are.” Just like that she heads back where she came from. Bitch. You say in your head, shutting the door. You practically stomp over to the bed and sit. Michael laughs, kissing your forehead. “I was being nice.” You deadpan, obviously still annoyed.

“I know.”

° ° °

“I did what was necessary.” Michael was stern. You hated it, he didn't even care that you were on the brink of tears.

“Necessary or what would throw my mother off the edge?” You snap, placing your head in your hands. Michael scoffs as he paces around the room.

“I thought we were on the same page. They killed my Ms. Mead.” He angrily says, still pacing.

“You massacred my sisters, Michael, really?” Your sobs wrenches his heart. As much as you despised them and we're easily annoyed by them, it was all the work of Cordelia, the other girls had nothing to do with it. It was always time like these where your loyalty wavered. You couldn't be too sure with either side. Michael wanted to do his father's will and would do anything it takes. Your mother would kill the whole world if it meant protecting the coven. You? As you sat there, in the cold, quiet room, you began to wonder what's next for you, who would you do anything for?

Your body shook itself up from the dream. You always thought it was pathetic. Always play both sides, as long as you'd stay alive. Michael was soundly asleep next to you, always being such a heavy sleeper. Closing your eyes, you try to sleep again, not wanting to bring any awareness to Michael. He only allowed you to mourn for so long. How was it possible that you could just shove it in a box and only revisit it during a dream?

You get up out of the bed and slip out the door. When you arrive in the kitchen you see a familiar face: Mallory. “You're still up?” You ask her announcing your presence making Mallory startled.

“Sorry, Foxx. Yes, can't get much sleep around here.” Mallory explains with a sigh.

“This about the sanctuary?” You ask. Mallory shakes her head.

“No,” she instantly replies, moving across the kitchen, “I wasn't expecting to make it, I'm a gray. But what gets me is,” she pauses for a second, “I'm so close to dying soon.” You sigh, pitying her, she was your sister, of course. Although, you never got too close to anyone, vulnerability wasn't something you were really down to put yourself up for, but with the coven, you always just felt like it was attached to one of your heartstrings.

“Don't worry, my child,” You coo therapeutically, “Langdon isn't basing off of money and upbringings. Here's a secret: He wants to have strong-minded people. People who don't let anyone influence their choices. He wants a world without the hypocrisy, with the kinds of people who wouldn't just eat from the fruit of the forbidden tree, but who'd cut the tree down and burn it for firewood.” Mallory listens closely before handing you your cup of tea. “Goodnight, Mallory.”

“Goodnight, Foxx.” Mallory replies. As you slip into the darkness, you turn around to face Mallory in the last centimeters of light. “I think you're made for that world, Mallory.”

When you get up to the room, Michael looks at you with tired eyes. You take a seat on the desk chair. “Why are you awake, my love?” He groggily asks, rubbing his eye.

“Thinking about the sanctuary.” You lie, resting your head in the palm of your hand. You couldn’t lie you missed your mother, Cordelia. Despite all the shit she racked up, you just missed her being.

“And?” You hear him slip out of the bed and waltz behind you. His hands run up your biceps to your shoulders and on to your hair. Michael's attempt to calm you only worked so much.

“Nothing, darling. Go back to sleep.” The feeling of longing for your mother that once settled its way in your heart subsided and was replaced with the ice cold mechanism that operated over it. Michael sighs at you dismissing his tenderness. “(Y/N).” He pushes, running his hands through your tangled hair. “Don't dismiss me.”

You sigh building it up, you knew Michael would be mad. But you couldn't help your feeling of missing your mom, it was just a normality. It was on the tip of your tongue. “I,” you breathe out, “I just miss,” you stop yourself, you could already envision what was going to happen if you said Cordelia.

“I just miss Cordelia.” You finally release. You feel his hands drop to his side and him step away from you. You could feel the tension and hurt building up.

“You miss, Cordelia? Your mother?” He repeats. You shamefully nod your head, regretting to even tell him. “After all I laid out for you? I get you here and you-”

“You miss what, my love?” Michael asks softly in your ear.

“The olden days,” you cover quickly, making it as believable as possible, “I miss you coming all the way to New Orleans to help me sneak out and-” You stop yourself. After a few seconds you get the courage to turn around to face the beautiful, blonde, long-haired boy.

“Your mother.” He finishes. “I get it. I miss my Ms. Mead.” Michael sits on the bed staring off. “Not this bot, the real Ms. Mead. The only one who pushed me to fulfill my father's will.” You make your way over to him, clinging your body to his. The both of you sit there for a minute, reminiscing when times weren't so complicated. “(Y/N), I love you. I would travel to the ends of the Earth if that meant I could be with you forever.”

“I love you, too.” You meant it, but you received that feeling that always hit you when Cordelia lectured you. What was next and why did you feel like Cordelia was planning to kill you and Michael?

#ahs8 #michael langdon #michael langdon x reader #michael langdon imagine #ahs apocalypse #cody fern #ahs imagines #ahs #imagines

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theblessedseed-blog · 5 years

Text

I Tried to Treat Cancer with Black Cumin Seed Oil

I like to share my experience using Black cumin seed oil and black seed herb to try to treat my Hodgkin's lymphoma that I was diagnosed with when I was 14 years old and I'm 26 years old now. The disease is still there and I used a great deal of many different natural remedies after trying very strong chemo and 3 ( 20 session rounds of radiation).

I'd like to share all the different remedies that I tried in order to try to guide someone who may be experiencing a form of cancer and would like to try a natural solution. Before I talk about what I tried I'd like to mention and say that I don't have a cure and I can't actually tell you that this is a cure. I tried a great deal of different remedies and herbs, spices, different kind of drinks; so I tested many different things and here's what I found out.

After taking chemo on and off for three years and radiation in 2011 I found a hard bump in the left side of my neck. By that point I decided that if the disease comes back and I even mentioned this to my doctor two years before that I am not going to take any chemo or radiation, I will now try natural remedies.

Typically whenever I find a lump or bump and the symptom of itching, the doctor would say you need to CT-scan and PT-scan. Even the littlest bump he would always say this, but this time he said I'm not concerned even though I have the same symptoms I had originally which was severe itchiness all over the body and the bump felt bigger than the original one in my neck in the beginning. I think because he knew I wouldn't be taking any chemo and he didn't want to expose his field.

I also had a small one on the other side and multiple ones under my chin. I was sure the disease had returned and I decided and accepted that it's there and I decided I need to try to treat it naturally. Around that time I wanted to go on a trip to Mecca to make umrah, and it was a dream that I had all my life and even though I did not feel healthy, I thought if I don't go now I may feel sicker and not be able to go latter.

As you all may know Saudi Arabia is a very complicated country and requests many different things and a very complicated country to deal with. After all the struggles we left, I drank zamzam water in the mosque and drank a gallon worth and the bump did not go down whatsoever.

After coming back I was starting to panic and I was depressed and I didn't really know what to do. I kept contacting Herbalist or Islamic herbalists to try to get a remedy and all of them were not replying. I knew of the black cumin seed oil of course from the hadith of the prophet that says black seed is cure for all diseases but death. I tried it before and did not feel better but this time I thought maybe I did not give enough time so let me try again.

I took about two tablespoons based on what a Muslim doctor told me, and I asked him did you test this dosage and he said no. I said so why did you tell me two? He said it's just a guess I came out of my head lol. Meaning based on nothing, and he said you can try your own remedy that you make and see what works.

So I just went with the general dosage that he gave me and I used to take it down with orange juice and it tasted absolutely disgusting. I would grind the seeds in a coffee grinder otherwise I would literally choke to death. I tried it for some time and itchiness wasn't going down, I even found some of the lumps were getting bigger or spreading. I already knew that when I would take back seed by itself it was not really working and I concluded by that point that I don't know the proper dosage and usage for it to work.

So I kept searching for different remedies and I was literally stuck and didn't know what to do. So I found a herbalist on YouTube talking about a certain remedy, and the herbs that he mentioned I know have anticancer affects and I know about them from my own reading so I thought why not give it a try. It was that you would combine Cumin, Curry, Garlic, Carrots, Celery, and a few other things in a soup and then drink it. I tried that and of course, I didn't get any improvement.

I kept on searching very, very hard for other remedies and I stumble upon the lady who claimed that she killed her stage four cancer with carrot juice. I heard before about carrot juice having anticancer effects and I thought okay, this is the answer for me. I told my parents that I need to try this remedy and buy me a huge bag of carrot juice. And a few days later they did and I started the remedy of juicing carrots.

I would drink a large 32 glass cup every day and I did that for eight months. What I found was that it seemed that the tumors were slowing down in growth and spreading less and the one in my neck was slightly smaller but not that much. And the itchiness was not all that better. I forgot to mention I was drinking a large cup of green tea every single day for about a year and also found that it was slowing down the growth of the tumors and made them smaller slightly but not that much and likewise the itchiness was not that much better.

So I decided to stop those two remedies and search for new remedy. This is now 2014 and I had severe bone pain. It was so bad that I almost concluded that it must've spread now to my bones and I was almost accepted that fact. I was crying and begging God to help me cure the severe bone pain and direct me to a remedy if not to cure it, just give me relief.

A few days later while was searching online, I found a man who claimed he had advanced testicular cancer and he said that have Habanero cured it. He said that is a very, very spicy pepper. I researched some medical sites to see if it could be possibly true that peppers have anti-cancer affects. I found that a certain ingredient known as Caspian is in fact a ingredient in peppers that have anticancer affects. This was all new to me, I never heard that peppers or hot peppers have anti cancer affects.

I knew they were healthy and my parents told me they are good for the immune system, but I never knew they have anticancer affects. I also read that it has anti-pain effects and it's a natural painkiller. I thought okay, I hit two bones with one stone, I get rid of tumors and reduce the severe bone pain. I already had cayenne pepper in my home so I started to use that and I would put them in gelatin capsules. And I did it as a test to see if it would reduce my bumps and remember at that point, that the cancer must have spread to the bones because of the severe bone pain that I had.

So after the first dose or a few doses I felt a improvement with the bone pain, and I thought wow! this actually worked. I feel the severe bone pain is better. That means this it is so strong that it is even able to kill tumors in the bones that means it will likely be able to help me. Then after a few hours the pain would come back. I concluded that what must be happening is the Caspian must be reducing the bone pain due to the natural painkilling effect. The bone pain was likely due to low Vitamin D I latter found out after I treated it with long period of sun exposure.

I didn't feel much improved with the itchiness or the sizes of the bumps. I thought okay let's try the powder so I bought some. It is one of the hottest peppers in the world but I didn't know it is literally a volcano. I filled 4 gelatin capsules as I did in the past for black cumin seed oil and filled them to the brink and took them all in one shot on an empty stomach. After that I ate a salad and as you know water makes spicy foods more spicy. At first it didn't feel too bad, just a slight burn or sting in the stomach but wasn't too bad. Then I went to go eat my dinner or lunch, which was canned tuna or sardines with sauce and as you know sauce also makes spicy food more spicy.

The first bite I felt like my guts were being torn to shreds and I was gonna vomit. I went running into the bathroom and I was moaning and groaning and my mom said it sounded like somebody giving birth. I heard my sister laughing and talking as if nothing is happening while I almost die and I pray that she feels the worst type of pain one day while everyone laughs as if nothing is happening.

Despite my Cancer she cut me off for years and my other sister as well and I hope and pray that they will be thrown into the flames of hell forever. My mom kept asking how much did you take? I kept telling her get the milk! I am gonna die, and she kept asking how much did you take? And she didn't have any consideration of the severe pain that I was in. My dad was traveling to see his mom at the time and mom doesn't drive and my sibling at the time couldn't drive and she said where will I take you?

After that she took my Habanero powder and she said don't use it until my dad comes back. So I started using cayenne and overall there was no improvement with the bump sizes or itchiness and I started to develop bad cramping in my abdomen. After my dad came back and I went back to use that and I kept getting severe stomach pain that I got the first time, sort of the same but not exactly as bad. I would get that pain many times and I kept taking it for about 6 months. Then I moved on to buy black cumin seed oil. I need to try something different because habareno is too harsh to the stomach and it could cause me a ulcer or poisoning or something.

So I bought a 16 ounces bottle of black seed oil and I tried that as a remedy. The first place that I bought from was a company known as piping rocking. I bought from them because they were the cheapest price that I can find online and if it's cheap it may not be good but it may not be bad either. I did not have any other option so that's what I tried. I kept buying from them for about six months and I found some of the tumors were bigger and spreading. The itchiness is not any better either so I decided to try another company, the more popular one which was amazingherbs. I tried them for about a year but it was not any better- it was just kind of stay the same.

After that I decide to stop and try to search for new remedy. I went back to the Habanero powder and I took a smaller dose and I just kept on doing that until I was able to find some other remedy. I kept doing that for about a year and at this point I started to eat sugar. I started to feel like the tumors were going down at this point after all these years of different various remedies and it felt like I'm very much close to the border of being cured.

I thought it seems as though the tumors are going down and I maybe cured soon. So now I can start eating sugar but all this time, all these years I wasn't eating any bit of sugar. I thought any damage the sugar does- as you know its fuel for tumors- I will just make up the difference by taking more habareno powder.

8 months latter I found a very large mass in the left side of my chest on my breast. I knew that it was because of eating sugar and disappointed I thought what did I just do it myself?

I was very close to being cured and now I have a very large bump in my chest. By this point my stomach was really damaged from the habanaro powder and I needed a break from it. When my dad saw the bump in my chest he started to panic and he told me to eat a lot of curry, a lot black seed herb, lemon and vinegar on the salads.

That was the straw that broke the camel's back, I have developed a severe ulcer at that point. A year later while typing this I still have the ulcer. What I decided to try next was flaxseed 2 tablespoons of flaxseeds Recently I started to take onion juice of 2 tablespoons with water or with salad. So what I noticed after all these remedies that worked best are two things.

The number one was Habanero powder and number two was onion juice. I suggest that you try those two remedies with black cumin seed oil or with the whole herb.

#Advantages of Black cumin Seed Oil #Uses of Black cumin Seed Oil #Black cumin Seed Oil Uses #black cumin seed oil benefits #benefits of black cumin seed oil

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theblessedseed-blog · 5 years

Text

I Tried to Treat Cancer with Black Cumin Seed Oil

8 months latter I found a very large mass in the left side of my chest on my breast. I knew that it was because of eating sugar and disappointed I thought what did I just do it myself?

The number one was Habanero powder and number two was onion juice. I suggest that you try those two remedies with black cumin seed oil or with the whole herb.

#Black cumin seed oil Benefits #Benefits of Black Cumin Seed Oil #Black cumin Seed Oil Uses #Advantages of Black Cumin Seed Oil

0 notes