#and YOU CANNOT HAVE MY PAIN

[koravelliumavast]

Lifehack! Don’t do this. Unless you want to cry

#stormlight archive #cosmere #brandon sanderson #oathbringer spoilers #RENARIN AND JASNAH SCENE AT THE END IM SOBBING #she prepared to swing but then Renarin turned and looked at her tears streaming down his face he met her eyes and he nodded #suddenly they were young again he was a trembling child weeping on her shoulder for a father who didn’t seem to be able to feel love #little Renarin always so solemn always misunderstood laughed at and condemned by people who said similar things about Jasnah behind her back #Jasnah fell to her knees then pulled Renarin into an embrace. he broke down crying like he had as a boy burying his head in her shoulder #yeah ok I can see why that’s your favorite scene brandon #AND KALADIN NOT BEING ABLE TO SAY THE FOURTH IDEA #and Renarin thinking that dalinar was dead #and YOU CANNOT HAVE MY PAIN #and szeth and lift and nightblood #AND TEFT #AND ASH AND TALN #I’m sobbing right now

[noknowshame]

why is religious Christmas imagery all so joyful and pleasant? where is the inherent horror of the birth of Christ? A mother is handed her newborn child, wailing and innocent. Her hands come away sticky. Red. Simply by giving her son life she has already killed him. He is doomed from the beginning. Her love will not save him from suffering. Because the thing cradled in her arms is not a baby, it is a sacrifice: born amongst the other bleating animals whose blood will one day be spilled in the name of what demands it. the night is silent with anticipation. Mary, did you know? That your womb was also a grave?

#instant conversation enders for my multiple youth pastor cousins #don’t say it (I’m gonna say it) #The Child is The Price #but i mean come on #as someone who isn't actually even christian the real-life historical version of this is still cursed as fuck #i mean we know that jesus was a person who existed. whatever circumstances he was born in #its terrifyingly ominous to imagine being so unaware of the affect your child will have on the future of humanity #time itself will one day be counted around your birth of him #and all because he will suffer an excruciatingly painful death that you will not be able to prevent #not only that. but regardless of his or your intentions #regardless of whether there is a god #for millenea unfathomable millions will have blood spilled and will spill blood in his name #atrocities will be committed that you cannot even conceive of #and all on his and your behalf #you love your child. its beautiful. but there's horror in what you've done. because everyone else will love him too #and what's more dangerous than that?

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

"See you tomorrow"

MDZS Disco Elysium AU part 4 [prev parts]

#better drawn mdzs #MDZS Disco Elysium AU #mdzs au #Lan wangji #wei wuxian #yiling laozu #Happy Belated Halloween! #digital art #Thank you all for your patience as I drove myself into a madness only known by those lost at seas alone. #I put a lot of time into this one! It's not perfect but I am very happy with it + I am so happy to put down the tablet pen. #Digital art has some nice features but I'm sticking with traditional! I need a month to recover from the 2+ weeks of torture. #Okay lets talk about the AU and the comic now #Disco elysium has some of the best existential-horror-dream sequences I have ever seen. #The dialogue here is heavily inspired by The Final Dream - A scene I'd love to talk about more were it not so heavy with spoilers. #My AU is a lot more complex than a simple character swap but I really felt like LWJ + YLLZ fit this scene. #The final dream is about being unable to move on from a lost love. From something You made holy. From something You ruined. #It is about realizing that no matter how smart you are or what you offer or how you try to change - #You will never be able to turn back time. You will never ever be able to fix what is broken. That you also have been broken for a long time #You are a fuck-up who worships the nail covered ground of someone who did not want to be holy. And even though it hurts- #You cannot let this nightmare go. The pain keeps the love close. It is worse to forget. You promised to remember. #WWX died thinking LWJ disliked him. LWJ lost someone he thought was revolted by his love.

[sysig]

Two skeletons in a trench lab coat (Patreon)

Bonus:

He’s very careful! Everything was fine before you interrupted!

#Doodles #Handplates #UT #FJdlsafjdsf Handplates fuzzes my brain #I cannot tell you how weird it feels to draw Gaster with the Lost Soul head after all this time away haha #It drops me back into the person I was when I first read Handplates - for better or for worse. It's a very strange feeling #Even drawing Sans and Papyrus again sends me back! Not as strongly but certain little details stand out #Sans' eyes especially... Very strange feeling #Anyhow! Since Fellplates sent me back down the rabbit hole and I've gotten back into rereading lightly - still not a full commitment! #Maybe soon tho 👀 I feel like I always say that haha #But in the meantime thinking of the pre-Plates Handplates time period <3 Since that's the one I'm still most familiar with haha #I love when they're still growing and learning ♪ Scaffolded baby talk! Twin language! Love 'em ♥ #And fearless* mischievous little troublemakers hehe #They're so cute <3 I love the little ways they interact as young'uns - like when Papyrus will just lift Sans by his arms lol #I'd been thinking about and then had to go read the one of Sans as a the blanket/coat tickle monster and then - this ✨ #''Excuse me sir I'd like One Ticket to the R Rated movie I am an adult Monster'' lol #Probably another one of those moments where Gaster is just *nervously sweats in Dad* lol - stop being so cute! #Also there's no particular meaning to when I use WingDings for his text :P Just convenience and if I remember to lol #Comics where he talks a lot are not convenient XP I have enough trouble editing on this paper ugh I will Not miss it when it's done #Even attempted this comic in as few pencil strokes/erasing as possible and it was still a pain to work with! >:0 Rude #Doubly so that I've had a Handplates comic idea for past like - year lol - and /this/ was the first one I finished pfftbl #To be fair to the other I do want to at least attempt making it a look-alike hehe ♪ You know how it is with Ideas™ #I can't be too mad about it haha ♫ It did turn out quite cute after all :3

[lesbianbanana]

hc that Naomi insists on having a normal nine month pregnancy and Apollo is just there the whole time trying to convince her to let him speed run it.

#“naomi. naomi its sO painful” #“i cannot not have a baby appear in five minutes apollo what will my family think” #“BUT ITS SO PAINFUL. ARE U NOT IN PAIN RN???” #“WHY ARE YOU TALKING LIKE YOU'VE EXPERIENCED PREGNANCY APOLLO?” #“DONT JUDGE ME!” #pjo apollo #apollo pjo #toa apollo #pjo #naomi solace #will solace

[theotherhappyplace]

Latest picture of Sanctiphage of the Burning Blood. I really tried to push myself here

#my art #horror art #body horror #sanctiphage of the burning blood #nox requiem #nox requiem story #all of eternity is but one moment #and who could not bear a moment of pain for the one they love? #but where are you #they have hidden you from me #and blotted out my eyes #beloved i feel you but cannot see you

[aenslem]

Then employ one of your own superstitions. Wish me luck.

#star trek #trekedit #startrekedit #tos #tosedit #tvedit #sd* #mine* #spones #sponesedit #leonard mccoy #leonard nimoy #bones #spock #deforest kelley #star trek tos #treksource #startrekgifs #are you okay? because i am not #this hurts me so much #absolutely love this pain but my god #whyyyy #he did not tell him. spock just goes on a sui*cide mission and asks bones to wish him luck #and bones does it when spock is not there anymore #have you seen the way spock leaves??? look me in the eyes and tell me he has no feelings #it's not int he gifset cos it would be too long and i already giffed entire scene like 4 y ago #but it;s just so... they are just so - im going insane here #imagine what's happening in spock's mind... and heart . he asked him SPOCK ASKED HIM and bones does it when spock cannot hear him #dammit bones aaaaaaaaaaaaaa tattoo this scene on me i love it

[luck-of-the-drawings]

so REVENGE, HUH? or justice, if that makes you feel better. it tastes the same when cooked just right. 'I REALLY WANTED A BROTHER.' such a shame to burn a bridge you so desperately wanted to keep, especially when it wasnt even you who started the fire. especially when you hope that not a single fragment of that bridge ever washes ashore.[MAY IT ROT FAR FROM MY SIGHTS] an unfortunate loss! atleast he has his friends.

#jrwi fanart #jrwi show #jrwi prime defenders #jrwi prime defenders spoilers #jrwi pd spoilers #jrwi pd #william wisp #vyncent sol #THIS ONE IS FUUUUCKIN OOOOOLLDD RAAAHHHHH i made it like. a year ago. but didnt finish it for so so long bc i just wasnt happy w it. #BUT LIKE A CENTURY EGG the decades of being encased in salt n lime n ash have done WELL to bring out the flavores of this piece #i sorta recently cleaned it up and posted it onto twitty. didnt tag it bc it was SO OLD AND SCUFFED(i see so many MISTAKES NOW) #that i didnt want to expose it to the open air just like that #if i show smth to my small circles then it shall only be understood in those small circles. #open air and open interpretation from minds i cannot predict are NOT something i enjoy the thought of. usually. i am brave tho #BUT EVERYONE ON TWITTY WAS SO NICEEE i was like damn... i guess it IS good enough to be enjoyed by the masses... #lets work on being nicer to our art together. THAT BEING SAID. i really love my colors here HELL YEAHHHH #FIRST TIME IN A WHILE COLORIN THESE BOYS.... i dont use proper color enough..I ALSO RLY LIKE MY BACKGROUNDS HERE #i LOVE when the bg is hyperrealistic (i frankestiened stock photos) and when the subjects are all flat colored n cartoony #recently rewatched Making Fiends and they do that similar thing!! soft shading! lotsa details! almost painted? ill paint one day #ive already rambled so much abt the art im runnin out of ROOm to ramble about WWWIILLIAM GODDAMN WWIIIISP. its been a minute since i saw- #-this episode..but i DO remember the funny smoke trick that will did to his funny brother. EVERYTIME U GIVE AN ORDER. THAT BRINGS HARM- #-INDIRECTLY OR NOT. YOU WILL HEAR THOSE SCREAMS. YOU WILL FEEL THAT PAIN. OHHH WHAT A COOL PUNISHMENT THAT IS #its still an olive branch in a sense! a final chance for big bro bell to show that hes NOT an irrideemable piece o shit. and if not #well. to the wolves of psychosis with him!!! i really think william did the best he could here. if i was in his shoes i have no doubt i- #-woulda done the same. IM ALSO GLAD THAT VYN DECIDED TO STICK AROUND N SUPPORT HIM! thas character development baybe!! #i loooove prime defenders.. its been so long since i watched any eps of it but i KNOW it still has such a grip on my heart..GOTTA rewatch i

[edenfenixblogs]

If you’re annoyed or upset by how much I post about antisemitism…

Imagine how I feel!!!

#I cannot explain how deeply I hate posting about it this much #I hate it #I hate this #I’m so sad all the time #but I’m not allowed to be sad #or angry #or aggrieved #I have to be patient #and educate people #and push my own anger down #so that it’s not weaponized against me and my people #to prove we’re all monsters #you have no idea #how much pain I’m in all the time

[numerous-bees-in-a-skin-suit]

Met Melchor, Allura’s older brother for a voltron rewrite I’m probably doing! He’s very dear to me, and I have so many plans for him.

#voltron #voltron: legendary defender #allura vld #allura #princess allura #original character #voltron fanart #allura voltron #digital art #fanart #prince melchor #i am aware that this is the 1000th voltron thing that I am making myself do #but I’ve been wanting to do a rewrite for a while #it feels like a rite of passage #I have so many plans #and i started explaining them briefly in my discord server and people have already started yelling at me for the pain I have planned #it’s for a good reason! #The reason is i felt like it #i love the idea of Allura having a sibling at some point and her losing them bc of The Horrors Of War in general #because you cannot tell the that she hasn’t lost so many people even before Altea was destroyed #anyways i have so much to say #expect more coming soon

[louroth]

Hello hello everybody! It is time for another months progress, and I am so excited to share with you, all the things I have gotten my grimy little gremlin hands on. First off, what we are all here for; writing. I have been on fire, to be honest! Last month I churned through the last of the first batch of erotica stories (there's 6 (!!!) of them on my patreon already) and set them up for publishing along with two more unseen ones- I'm still going over the logistics of where to publish for the best revenue (I know this sounds boring, but I have to make an income somehow, and hopefully find another audience as a smut writer on other platforms 💀 I love writing it so why not!), and I am making headway, learning the ins and outs of self publishing. On patreon, there are also two Q&A's that are written in a bit more fictional manner, in character: a more fun way than just writing answers straight up and down. I have enjoyed those so much! There's a bunch of other stuff I haven't even mentioned- honestly, I have to say, I'm really proud of my output on Patreon even though I have been really anxious about writing full time. It's going great! I have to thank my new friends and support-network on discord; you make this all worth it. I cannot express how fun it is to shoot the shit with you in vc, gaming together, or seeing your shenanigans in gen or your in depth theories (thanks for the brainworms!) or memes or staring longingly at the fanfic channel or drooling over your art (ouro related or not) or... Gah. You are just amazing people, and I will waste no opportunity in saying so. Thank you forever and ever and ever an-

When it comes to OUROBOROS, I am happy to announce that the next chapter is damn near done! I was halted because of the discovery that dashingdon is no longer supported by it's creator, and have been working on the twine version ever since, earlier than I expected- it's tough work, but I am so excited to make this an actual game made entirely by myself, and not submitting to a company that quite frankly leaves a bitter aftertaste. It is taking long to make because I want to make it mobile compatible from the start, which there isn't a lot of resources for. But I'm doing my best! The plan is that I will be posting the next chapter for Patreons in the coming month, and then treat you to a full twine release here on tumblr. I haven't made any rewrites when porting the twine build, but I would like to do that too... so we will see; this plan is not set in stone. I will just have to see how it evolves over the next month. Yes, beta-readers is still on the schedule, just holding off a little while while I wrap my head around this new coding landscape.

Other than that, I have been working on the set aesthetic for ouro, which has been really hard, a lot harder than I expected. You all know I am no wizard when it comes to graphic design, but I want to at least develop a set palette and imagery and portraits that is cohesive to the story. The work is ongoing, and I don't have much to say about it- even though it is taking a lot of my brain power. I'm hoping I can come to some kind of set and in depth conclusion that I am happy with before the twine release, because I want the game to feel like a treat to open up and play; a world to get lost in.

That's it! If you want to see weekly and more in depth dev-logs, you know where to go. I hope you have an amazing day or night, and we will see each other soon. xx

#OUROBOROS #ouroboros-if #interactive fiction #twine wip #progress report #dev log #I am SO sorry I haven't been around a lot to answer asks- there is so much work to be done and only so little of me to go around whuhuhuhu #send help lmfao. tuck me into your pocket. keep me safe!!!! I have no idea how people manage all this. But I promise and cross my heart I a #Doing My Best™ #other things not mentioned: I have been going through The Stress with my doagy who injured her leg but today we finally took a full hike t #together- she really scared me with how much pain she was in but we made it through 😭 I cannot thank my patreon supporters enough because #your support is making me breathe easy about the upcoming vet bill. why are blood samples so expensive. wah #yeees yees im bursting with butterflies and rainbow emotions. but truly- I can't thank you enough #Onwards! We keep moving!I am so excited for all this-damn all the stress and the insecurities-I am Doing It!!! It is Happening! Wahoo!

[chenouttachen]

it’s like charlie didn’t realise exactly what the full effect of his plan would be until jeff tells him that babe is in mourning. he was so focused on making sure that babe was safe, on finding a way to save his family, on sacrificing himself to protect his loved ones, that he didn’t take a moment to think about said loved ones in the aftermath of his loss. when he asks ‘is babe very sad?’ it’s not about wanting to know just how sad he is, it’s the guilt of what he’s done, the pain he’s caused the man he loves, and he only just now is realising that it might not be something he can come back from.

#pit babe the series #i cannot wait for their reunion #gonna need it asap #charlie my baby boy #you and jeff have gotta sort this shit out quick #because the longer this goes on the more pain you’ll cause each other #let’s be real tho babe is gonna forgive charlie in 30 seconds flat #he’ll be upset he’ll sulk and then charlie will call him mama and he’ll melt and they’ll kiss and then they’ll take down the villain #together 💕

[amegeddon]

I made a valentines card for my bestie who is extremely in love with Vergil today, using a screenshot I took while playing DMC5 last night.

This is my magnum opus, now.

#vergil my guy you have too much messy hair #legit it took me an hour JUST to put a mask over his hair #genuinely painful experience. Vergil why must you do this to me #also yes I stole the berried delight joke from a youtube video #I cannot remember the name of the video or who made it though :sobbing: #shitpost #dmc #devil may cry #devil may cry 5 #dmc5 #dmc5 vergil #dmc vergil #vergil sparda #vergil devil may cry #dmc shitpost #devil may cry shitpost #valentines day #valentines day card #valentines card

[screwpinecaprice]

While venturing an ancient gem temple, they stumbled upon a modified light that can corrupt humans! Connie was able to fully move Steven out of the beam's range by pushing him off the stairs.

Commissioned by TheTinman1996! Thank you for commissioning!! 😁

#I don't know if that's painful tho. #commissioned work #If not I can imagine it's like a time when you look at something happening to your limbs that's not suppose to and there's no pain yet. #Just getting really freaked out about how wrong that is. #Oh never mind I double checked. She's in pain. lol #It was fun drawing this! #I don't need to add a mature tag on this right? #connverse #Connie Maheswaran #Steven Quartz Universe #SU #my shiz #steven universe #🦔 #You know the thing when you Google for a specific reference and it doesn't show up? I had to go out to take a photo of this very specific #angle and flooring/set of stairs design #Well I mean. I guess it's good to go out of the house that didn't have to do with work or buying stuff. Maybe I'll be doing that from now #on for environmental backgrounds #The place looks so open and barren and simple because it's mainly built to be a trap instead of something more meaningful. #Which is good because I cannot do internal designing. lol #purple #p #flat color + bg commission #Don't worry guys she'll live

[thedisablednaturalist]

Tw for weight loss mention

The whole exercise will cure your disability thing is a fucking joke. Yes exercise is beneficial for your health, but only if you aren't already on shaky foundations. You need to be on a treatment plan that WORKS before going into the maintenance phase. You wouldn't do regular maintenance on a broken item, you'd work on getting it up and running first. And maybe it would even need specialized maintenance afterwards if it's especially fragile.

I have fibromyalgia and acute degenerative disc disease. My immune system attacks my nerves and discs in my spine are slowly calcifying and causing the bones to constrict and damage my nerves (i think thats how it works). I have days where it feels like my body is on fire from nerve pain and days where it feels like my spine is about to rip from my back. And days where I have both (like today!). I get numbness in my hands and feet. I have horrible migraines. I can no longer walk unaided more than maybe 5 minutes without severe pain. I have something wrong with my knees and hips but the doctors don't know what yet.

You'd think I live an obviously seditary lifestyle correct?

Hell no.

I walk aided on average 6 miles a day over difficult terrain OUTSIDE of regular activity almost everyday. My legs are muscular and strong. I get my heart rate up and a good sweat, like all the gym rats swear on. I am often doing physical labor such as weeding, digging, sample collecting, pruning trees etc.

I'm not saying this to make other disabled people feel bad or prove that they can do anything if they just tried harder. This is an extremely painful lifestyle I've chosen that takes a lot of lifestyle management AND BOUNDARIES to keep up with the work. I also have an extremely forgiving boss who is also physically disabled and knows what I'm going through (deciding between your passion and your health and having to do so each and every day) No one should ever be expected to do what I do. I'm not even sure if I should be doing this myself.

This is to prove that exercise? Has not cured me. My muscles are strong but still hurt as if they're broken and I have to take more breaks than my coworker. I am constantly getting out of breath and I flare up regularly if I'm not careful. I am in excellent physical condition outside of my disabilities. I go to different doctors several times a month to get checked out.

I previously went through a diet program and lost a lot of weight (basically starving myself and got off my depression meds which cause weight gain but are also the only ones that work) and guess what? That didn't do shit either!!! I still felt horrible!!! I've since gained back the weight anyway after switching to focusing on adding more nutrient dense foods than taking stuff away from my diet (also muscle weighs more than fat, and fat helps cushion my aching joints and spine).

The muscle doesn't do shit for my disabilities outside of maybe some stability. Exercising everyday doesn't make the pain go away. Without my medications and aids and nutrition plans and steroid injections and spinal adjustments and physical therapy (that takes my fibro and spine into account) and alternative work methods I WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO DO WHAT I DO. Exercise alone is like trying to make a car run with no oil. Yes it'll go but it'll get more and more damaged till it can't and will need its entire engine replaced!

And yet I see new doctors and they look at me and the first thing out of their mouths is do I exercise? I should try doing a little every day :) and then i fucking blow their minds when I tell them about my job. No longer can they use that fucking cop out on me. I've been through this rodeo. Ive tried their suggestions. If you are in pain and nothing is helping? Exercise ain't going to do SHIT. You need to get to a point where you can move without severe pain first (if that's even possible). Then and only then should you consider implementing regular exercise if you can. Also weight loss talk is a red flag and a cop out. They made me lose 50+ lbs before they would look into the reasons behind my pain. Weight loss did nothing for me and exacerbated my pain.

I am living proof that all that shit is a lie and a cop out. That is the point of this post. I cannot believe people with serious medical conditions are being forced to put their bodies through extreme duress just to be believed. You are not disabled because of laziness or because you sit a lot. Plenty of people live seditary lifestyles and do not live in constant excruciating pain (they may develop disabilities later in life due to this however, and should be doing preventative exercises to maintain their health)

Please, share my story with doctors. Use me as an example. I am proof that "exercise first treat later" does not work. I should not have had to wait years to have my pain validated. I'd rather hundreds of fakers get (what? A blood test? An MRI?) than one chronically ill person get told to try yoga and go away by a doctor.

#wrenfea.exe #doctors and nurses dont fucking clown on this post #anything you say needs to be backed up by sources with apa citation thrown in for good measure #this is my personal experience dont tell me im exaggerating or just havent tried hard enough #i will kick you with my horse legs and then go lie down for 4 hours #bedbound people i am sending you so much love and will probably be joining you in a few years #chronic disability #chronic pain #spoonie #fibromyalgia #disability #chronic illness #from the field #physically disabled #this also applies to neurodivergent and mentally ill people but pls don't derail #this is mainly about physical disabilities #you are welcome to make your own post and reference mine if you want @ me and ill reblog it #sometimes im like oh i cant be disabled bc i do all this stuff im a faker inflatrating the community #and then i have days like today where i cannot leave my bed #i am so pissed off that people with long covid and ME have to go through that fucking exercise rehabilitation program #that actively makes their mitochondria worse #you wouldnt start using a vase without fixing the cracks first #the water will spill out and the flower will die #degenerative disc disease

[esterigermaine]

You can all blame @animentality for this because their posts got me into durgetash (thank you!!!!!) and now I want to torture the villian couple. Probably won't make much sense because I drank enough caffeine to kill a horse today and my brain is going a million miles a second.

You know that scene where Orin shapeshifts into durge and tells them what she did to them? What if Gortash found out about it the same way and had Orin rub salt in the wound by then showing him the prayer for forgiveness?

She is cruel enough to do it and I can't think of any worse way to find out about what happened than for the attempted-murderer to shapeshift into their victim and describe what happened to them in explicit, gruesome detail. The attack itself, the tadpole, how they were abandoned to die alone like trash, how Gortash wasn't there to protect them, all of it. Only to show grieving Gortash the note

#orin the red #enver gortash #dark urge #the dark urge #durgetash #they were both doomed from the start the least we can do is make things even more painful #bonus points if she leaves it at leaving durge for dead so he has quite a bit of time to think durge is dead until reports start popping up #the pain of losing one of the few people you actually liked violently and having that act described to you by someone wearing their face #and the addition of then seeing a note praising you like that? not knowing untol after? #that has to be somewhere in the top few most emotionally painful things Gortash could possibly experience #regarding my note at the top #i seriously cannot thank them enough #because at first I was ehhhhh about Gortash in general then after playing Durge I was like oh they got along #and then after seeing their posts in the dark urge tag I was like damn now thats a love story how can I make their fates even WORSE #and I never would have even considered this ship and the opportunities it provided without them #seriously good stuff