I’ve decided to make a sequel to this post. I like the idea that even after learning more about how humans work, the gods still don’t... quite get it. Instead, they go on the opposite end of the spectrum and just think anything and everything could kill them.
Will: dad... this... is not what I meant
Apollo: what do you mean? you said milk makes your bones strong
Will: I did
Apollo: So without milk your bones are weak
Will: I love you, but how are you the god of medicine?
Apollo: I don’t understand where I went wrong. You need to drink milk else you die! Here’s a cow. Go crazy.
Will: it bothers me that you’re also the god of logic
Percy: thank you for the, uh, puzzle... I have some follow-up questions, though
Poseidon: Hermes says it helps with your brain
Percy: Excuse me?
Poseidon: Because your brain isn’t developed
Percy: I... you know, my friends tease me about being dense, but I’m... you do know I’m not actually dumb, right?
Poseidon: No, I didn’t say that. Just... your brain isn’t all there...yet
Percy: I am legitimately offended by the direction this has gone
And, obviously, Hades is concerned as well...
Nico: Have you been talking to Will? Did he put you up to this?
Hades: Oh, I forgot your boyfriend is a healer. That’s good. A big relief, actually.
Nico: What? Father, I don’t need... what even IS this? Did you get me drugs?
Hades: It makes you sleep. According to Athena, humans need eight hours.
Nico: SO YOU PLAN TO DRUG ME?
Hades: Of course, not. I can just snap my fingers and make you pass out.
Nico: Don’t love that either, but that’s a different conversation. Why the drugs?
Hades: well... I... how do you usually fall asleep?
Aphrodite is not exempt either, bless her
Piper: you cannot fight Apollo
Aphrodite: I have no choice, darling. I assumed demigods were immune to the sun, but I have learned that not the case.
Piper: I appreciate that you care, but why don’t you just tell us not to go sun bathing-
Aphrodite: that monster will NOT GIVE MY CHILDREN SKIN CANCER, DAMNIT.
Piper: We can wear sunscreen.
Aphrodite: SUN IS THE NUMBER ONE CAUSE OF PREMATURE AGING
Piper: Mom, please.
Aphrodite: I’ve made a decision. You all must become nocturnal. Artemis would never-
Even Athena is concerned.
Annabeth: this seems unnecessary
Athena: the opposite, actually. I've done all my research on the subject. This is how many calories you need to eat, how much water you should drink, and - yes, here. Orthopedic beds to prevent back problems and we should also talk about how to prevent arthritis-
Annabeth: we’re teenagers mom. Are bodies are a little more resilient-
Athena: they won't be forever. I have devised a regimen to keep you all healthy until at least 85.
Annabeth: I can assure you that a monster will probably eat us before we reach 85.
Athena: not if you sleep in your new orthopedic bed they won't
And of course Hermes too
Travis: Dad, we need to talk about-
Hermes: I love you
Connor: we know. Look-
Hermes: you too. I love you too.
Travis: yes, okay. We love you too. But-
Hermes: and I'm proud of your accomplishments
Connor: why are you doing this?
Hermes: I read a magazine that says human children need positive engagement from their parents regularly. I'm making sure I fulfill my quota.
Travis: and we appreciate that-
Hermes: I appreciate you
Connor: for the love of God. Dad, stop holding our hands. We can’t train like this.
Hermes: the magazine said physical affection is important too
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So I was wondering if you could add onto the gods reacting to their kids mortal illnesses. I’m just like imagining the gods reacting to girls times or soemthing like that
So, it just occurred to me that with illnesses, they sorta have a legit reason not to know: Apollo.
After all, he’s the god of medicine, right? His arrows have been known to be plagues and his tempers often decide who succumbs to illness. So if a mortal falls ill... It’s Apollo. Obviously.
I like to think the reveal came about after Nico got sick. Hades is PISSED because “I THOUGHT YOU LIKED MY SON?? WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO HIM??” and Apollo is like “you know, sometimes my powers are whack and people get sick and I swear it isn't me. Maybe some Egyptian god got him.”
And it leads to this whole argument where poor Nico ends up getting brought into the middle alongside a Will who had planned on giving him some medicine and watching Star Wars with him all day so both are kinda moody.
Will: What?? My dad didn't do this!
Hades: THEN WHO DID?!
Will: Nico, probably. He should have worn a coat like I suggested. But nooooo apparently his tough Italian blood could handle a bit of cold-
Hades: You did this over a COAT?!
Apollo: I DIDNT DO ANYTHING
Will: oh no...you guys don't know about germs?
Aphrodite: Wait. I might be on Apollo’s side. What kind of coat?
Hermes: A germ coat, apparently.
Will: You guys gotta just go to mortal school or something. We can't keep doing this.
Of course, the idea people could just... Get sick without any godly intervention is terrifying to hear. Apollo had sorta known to an extent bc he can touch people and understand vitamin levels, etc... but he just kind assumed everything was stable unless some divine force intervened... and these tiny little ‘germs’ were not divine forces as far as he was aware.
...or were they?
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First and last spoken lines of riordanverse characters; Part 2. (Only includes main 21 books)
First: "Well, Seaweed Brain? One of us has to get out of here."
Last: "Great hunter, this one. I knew she would be. We'll get that fox one of these days."
First: "Oh my god! Do you always kill people when they blow they're nose!"
Last: "Hades wouldn't mind you traipsing down to Tartarus?"
First: "It's not so bad, Annabeth. A few more minutes and we would have been in trouble, but the venom hasn't gotten past the shoulder yet. Just lie still. Somebody hand me some nectar."
Last: "Well, it didn't sound good."
First: "No! No, it wasn't! Please!"
Last: "Always. The sun always comes back."
First: "Little sister! What's up. You never call. You never write. I was getting worried!"
Last: "Oh, of course. Take care of yourself, Piper McLean."
First: "Hey! Leave him alone."
Last: "You'll come back?"
First: "It's okay. I like peanut butter."
Last: "Sleep well, you guys. And good luck. I have a feeling I'll see you again before... Yeah."
First: "Stay still. You're too weak to rise."
Last: "I hate you."
First: "I hate those things."
Last: "You better come back and see me. And don't die. I will kick your butt with my new dancing shoes if you die."
First: "Cheese. Ella doesn't like cheese."
Last: "The Tower of Nero. New York, I bet. Yep!"
First: "I... I am a freak?"
Last: "Oh! Oh! I would take a rocket ship!"
First: "Mr. Jackson, did you have a comment?"
Last: "You did well, Apollo. You are always welcome here at camp."
First: "Well! A newbie!"
Last: "All right, all right. Give the kid some space. "
Part 1, Part 3
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