#and even once you work on those issues in therapy or self help? it will be a lifetime of those traits instilled from childhood

[mejomonster]

i’m not good with words so i probably won’t describe it right. but the black/white mentality online sometimes of things with any flaws being ‘pure evil/need to be destroyed’ and expecting the alternative to be whatever arbitrary things the person decided are ‘perfectly healthy’... does not do anyone good.

i mean yes, we could go into it being an extension of purity culture, of conservatism mindset etc but like. at an even more basic level, especially because online spaces have a lot of younger people:

its really bad to view YOURSELF that way. and when you’re viewing even things way outside you that way, you might be viewing yourself that way. that relationship in X novel is bad because person 1 didn’t communicate right away, and even if they learn and improve through the novel you’ve already decided they’re “too flawed”, or maybe the person 1 never fully improves since its a novel and ‘awful’ to ‘moderately decent at relationships’ is the arc instead of moderately decent to ‘perfect.’ 

But my point is, about yourself: no one is perfect. You will NEVER be perfect. Please don’t hold yourself to the expectation you MUST BE PERFECT and anything less makes you pure evil/irredeemable/awful and unworthy of being treated fairly. The best anyone can do in this life, is try their best, notice when they do happen to mess up or someone lets them know they have, and practice trying to do better next time. You can improve yourself for a lifetime, for decades go to therapy and do all the right exercises and work on yourself every time you slip up even a little AND give yourself breaks so you don’t work yourself to death being overly critical of yourself nonstop... and still by your death you won’t be perfect. 

When I see people get very intensely angry about fiction being imperfect, about wanting it ‘perfect,’ it makes me worry maybe they can’t take and accept their own imperfections. That they see themselves as pure good or evil too, and either naively think of themselves as “perfect” which leads to ignoring when you do actually harm others or yourself (which will happen sometimes), or think of themselves already as irredeemably bad and never able to fix it (since any imperfection even if working on it is “not good enough” according to such a thought process). And that’s an awful way to live. You need to be able to care for yourself NOW, think you’re worthy of respect and fairness NOW, think others critiques of you can be put to constructive use so you can grow, think of yourself as the sum of all the years of growing and improving you ALREADY DID and how that’s a wonderful amazing thing you’ve accomplished! 

This purity culture idea just seems like its very prone to making the people sucked into it self hate because humans just never can be fully perfect, or sucked into never improving and growing and rejecting times they maybe should for their own wellbeing because admitting they have any flaws makes them forever ‘awful.’ That’s not true. You’re not inherently bad, period. You’re not bad for having flaws, you’re normal and human and alive. It’s okay to have flaws, its okay to gradually work on them because humans can only improve so much at a time, its okay to realize 2 decades later that oh you still have this negative thing you do and then maybe work on it then. The reality is we will never be perfect, we will still find our share of some kinds of flaws when we’re very old and about to die, and we need to be able to accept ourselves and appreciate the progress we constantly make and recognize we are valuable and inherently okay as people even when there are still flaws or new flaws come up. 

#rant #basically just. if you view yourself with purity culture. u can hurt yourself very badly #and when u start seeing your outside world as black white pure good pure bad? then its a slippery slope to viewing #yourself and other real people that way #in reality? a parent can be very loving and healthy and STILL fuck you up a little and still need to work on it until they're 60 #in reality? you could've had divorced or absent parents and that made you play out #subconcious abandonment issues on your crushes in high school and the truth is you WERE a jerk #but you werent 'pure evil' you were simply doing all you knew how to naturally do at the time #and you simply could Not have done better until someone or yourself NOTICED you were acting out your abandonment issues #and even once you work on those issues in therapy or self help? it will be a lifetime of those traits instilled from childhood #rearing their ugly head to some degree. not enough to be a jerk anymore yay #but enough that you still might get irrationally jealous. or irrationally fearful when someone is emotionally close #we don't ever become 100% perfect and we cant expect ourselves or others to be #we are ALL flawed in a myriad of ways and need to be able to accept people have flaws and are still Good and Worth existing #because we ARE flawed people. everyone we know is #when we put some people on a pedestal as perfect we lie to ourselves and hurt ourselves and everyone else

[rin-and-jade]

Guys, did you know that alters still and will form/split from little T's and Micro T's? Well now you do!

Whenever you are living your life, doing your day, with no recurrence of childhood trauma for a good while.. but you still seem to have new peeps? Yet you don't know why?? Fret not as i tell you some, although not an extensive list of reasons such as;

The Lil' T, things that aren't as severe as the Big OG Trauma but still enough to waver you:

Financial issues

Relationship conflicts (hostility, or inconsistent emotional support)

Having debilitating/chronic health issues (be it physical or mental)

Neglect, victim of harrasment/bullying, invalidation and etc (in mild forms, clarification on below)

The Micro T, that are capable to annoy you like a fly, though you still have a limit to these type of T's:

Working a job with high demands, or a stressful environment

Chasing a deadline (and not just this once)

Bad triggers

Involved in arguments often (aha, i know you still think about it)

Now you're asking, "what should i do then, Jade?" and because you need some prompts (tips), here you go:

Relaxation techniques: when you feel like you're going to explode (or something lit up the fuse recently) then its logical to blow the fire out before it can actually explode. Things like having a warm shower, taking care of yourself, or some time off to wind down for a moment will help.

Regulating feelings: antsy? mad? upset? or "dshsdfhgjfds"? Instead of shoving the feelings away, please let yourself feel it, acknowledge that you are currently feeling and understand why it happened, what's the cause, talk it out to someone to feel better but yelling inside or writing in the private server also works.

Outlets: If you feel like writing down isn't enough/helpful, then maybe doing art, crushing some empty cans, or going to your trusty support group will do just fine.

Therapy: got money but not people? Do yourself a favor and try it, you'll learn lots of coping mechanisms, plus you'll have support and someone to talk to so thats a big win.

Mindset: Having an accepting and self-supporting thoughts are way better than devaluing and adding extra blames and faults as it perpetuates the cycle of stress and pressure, so why not go easy on yourself from now on?

I know you might think that its not severe enough, its not bad enough, but from now one you have to think differently, no matter how big or small, it is still stress, and when stress builds up all those things happen. (to top it off with other issues such as bad internal communication and brain fog) And it make sense because the severe ones are enough to form new peeps, same goes for the tiny ones but are consistent, okay?

I personally struggle with this LOTS even if traumas from the past aren't happening again yet i still have subsystems and all, and after a good while of practicing, it now barely happens. Hope this is also helpful for you guys since the previous post about dissociation was a hit!!! Click here to see it

Edit: it came to my attention that i forgot to clarify that yes, harassment, bullying and etc as it’s own severe form and can be classified as the OG Trauma, though there are minor forms especially in bullying where it’s extents from calling names and other stuffs that aren’t as harmful in a physical form.

- j

#did #did community #actually did #did system #dissociative identity disorder #did osdd #plural #system stuff #sysblr #Jeducates

[clownfishbites]

OK SO,

I’m guessing Batman/Joker: Switch (2003) is a bit niche since I hadn’t heard of it until really recently. But as the CEO of niche quasi character studies of the Joker from the early 2000s I’ve gotta give this one it’s flowers.

It starts out with an interesting premise that it doesn’t really use, but the opener is this:

So I was super hyped thinking this was gonna be one of those awful medical malpractice character studies that I love, where it examines what happens when you forcibly unravel the Joker personality with deeply unethical therapy.

(I love that concept and trust I’m writing a batjokes fic about something similar.)

But working on that theory, Batman comes to London to find Joker who has been let loose after what seems like a very unethical surgery where someone removed his smile and put it on the back of his neck. He’s not quite himself, getting a bit lost in the lines between himself and Batman, wandering around trying to solve what happened to him and forgetting to eat or take care of himself.

Which is where we get this great moment:

I love it. The second somebody genuinely cares and intervenes on his behalf he assumes it’s Batman.

I really like the way the panels are drawn here, leaning into the surrealism of Joker's wide eye, and the smile in the place it shouldn't be, it's all very Dali. This, in combination with the fairly rare show of vulnerability from Joker, and the totally disconnected nonsense way he speaks in this one, really heightens that feeling of 'oh there's something wrong here', it's weird seeing a broadly sympathetic take on Joker.

But they know each other too well, because upon showing up, forcibly giving him medication is actually one of the first things Batman does.

Batman reclassifies the lines between them, actually helping Joker get back to his baseline self. He doesn't capitalise on the confusion as a means of pacifying Joker or anything, he just rigidly reinforces the status quo- returning Joker to himself and putting them both back in Arkham.

But then we learn the real kicker: Joker asked for the surgery. It's really interesting to see the collage of his behaviour from far away, because this pretty extreme facial self-mutilation for the sake of a wider point, or just for comedy we won't see again for 10ish years, until he gets his face taken off by the Dollmaker before DOTF.

Just to quickly return to the initial vulnerability from Joker this issue teases the reader with. It does strike a fairly sympathetic tone, framing Joker as the victim of some cruel joke for once, removing his smile. But now we know he asked for it, literally. It isn't so much an ‘oh he got what he was coming to him’, but that the sheer amount of pain, psychological, physical pain the Joker experiences every day, due to this lifestyle he has chosen, is all still a direct result of his own choices. One bad day, or whatever backstory he may have had that led him here, we know that it is categorically not the only option. He is truly the architect of his own misery, he very much was the first victim of the Joker, and I find it interesting that this comic forces you to take that perspective. That even a vulnerable, half-starved and mentally confused Joker is this way because he "begged" for it, and is now facing the consequences of his own actions, with the faith that Batman will care enough to save him.

#batjokes #shaking with the effort of not mentioning Batman: cacophony again #because yes this is another comic where another villain banks on Batman being distracted with Joker #yes it’s kinda great #joker meta #batjokes meta

[littlerosetrove]

Why season 6 was overall disappointing for me.

To varying degrees, I felt like ALL of the characters were fumbled. Let me explain, and buckle in because this is stupidly long, but I needed to get it out of my system. 🤙

My critical thoughts are under the cut to save your dash. If that’s not your jam, don’t read.

✨ CHIMNEY & MADDIE

Do I like that Maddie and Chimney are engaged? Yes. But do I think the mending and coming back together of Maddie and Chimney throughout season 6 was done super well? Ehhhh it was okay. Even then, this was probably the better handled story for any couple/character this season.

Why didn’t we get to see them working through things in therapy? And then continuing to work on things outside of that as well? It really felt like we had a speed run through them making up for everything that went down in season 5. They both clearly had issues to work on like Maddie’s hesitancy to marry again, her guilt over (needing to) leave, Chimney’s overall self worth and insecurities. It felt like a little too often Maddie and Chimney weren’t talking things out together, weren’t properly communicating, but talking with other people about any issue.

Also Chimney needs to retake his paramedics exam or something because my dude pulled out a bar after being impaled?!? Wtf, you know better Chimney! And he lost a ton of blood, but bounced back hella quick. 🙃

✨ ATHENA

I’m truly drawing a blank on what Athena’s story even was in season 6, beyond I think the first 1-2 episodes of a childhood friend's (or was the girl even a friend of Athena’s??) murder being solved; that was it for her. Even then, the closure was definitely more so for the benefit of the sister of the murdered girl.

Oh wait, Athena’s dad was in an accident, but he recovered. Nothing about that was touched on once the episodes were done. No other mention of Athena’s parents.

Athena honestly just kinda floated through the whole season. Yes she had moments of being a wonderful and supportive partner to Bobby, they had some cute moments together, but that was it.

✨ BOBBY

The story of Wendal in theory was good, but not handled in a satisfying way. Like at all. Why? Because the show really brought in someone we’ve never met, told us he’s been important to Bobby and Athena for years, and then asked us to be very moved by it all in about four episodes.

Before anyone starts to protest, “but the show has done so well getting us to care about one off characters in 911 calls many times before.” Yes, they have, but the big difference is that those are one off characters. Wendal wasn’t meant to be seen as a one and done character, but rather someone that’s been present for years and actually meant something to two of our main characters.

What didn’t help was that Wendal was set up in episode 6x9, the last episode before a 3 month hiatus. Then when the story was picked back up and concluded in 2-3 episodes, I think there was a passing mention of Wendal and then… nothing. We didn’t see this affect Bobby any further. We didn’t see him continue to go to AA meetings, nothing with that.

Another fumble was May confirming I believe in episode 6x11 or 6x12 that Bobby is Buck's dad. He’s a father figure to Buck. However, after that scene the show didn’t do nearly as much with this as they could have. They could have and should have had more bonding scenes between Buck and Bobby. Like yes, has it been pretty clear that Bobby is essentially a father to Buck before May stated it out loud? Yes. But it still would have been nice to, idk, maybe even have Buck and Bobby have a conversation about this in some capacity. Just something you know?

Hell, if the show had stuck to the story of Buck processing his death - which they kinda dropped - then they could have had one or two scenes at least of Buck talking to Bobby about his dreams and everything. Instead we got Buck brushing off his death (because running from and not really processing trauma is nothing new for Buck), having at least two honest conversations with Eddie saying he feels lost and unsure, but then nothing else. But more on Buck later.

Beyond the Wendal story, Bobby didn’t get to do much this season. And he too healed from his injuries in the finale hella quick. 

✨ MAY

I guess this important side character is doing fine at college? Still going out with that young man she had dated in high school?? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

✨ HEN

I think overall I’m pretty satisfied with the wrap up of Hen deciding to quit med school and focus on and remain being a firefighter. Still, I don’t know if this is necessary, but I kinda think the whole doctor thing could have been brought up once or twice afterward? Becoming a doctor had been a big thing for Hen for something like 3 years, and I know she decided she’s happy being a firefighter, but I suppose it feels like the doctor thing has been forgotten all together? *shrugs* Not a big thing, but yeah.

Karen's workplace blowing up was a one and done story. No mention about or fallout from that. Mm.

Uhhh where was the build up to Hen and Karen wanting to adopt? In the finale I really thought, “Who are all these kids running around? Is this a sleepover???” Don’t get me wrong, I love the idea of Hen and Karen wanting to adopt, but if this had been discussed at all in season 6, it must have been once early on in 6A or something, because I was confused where this story came from. They needed a little more build up to this because it really felt a little out of left field, and rushed (like much of the finale).

Correct me if I’m misremembering, but didn’t Toni say to Hen, “a boy needs his father”????? What kind of messaging is that? Not a good or positive one, I’ll tell you that. It’s coming across as, “actually these two powerful women, these wonderful mothers, aren’t enough to raise a child.” It’s coming across as “actually, low-key, the nuclear family is the best kind.” This post by @very-feral-lesbian stated that it’s homophobia, and I don’t think they’re wrong.

And this isn’t the first time 911 has implied this, that the nuclear family is right. Carla in season two said, “that boy needs his momma” about Chris and Shannon. In that case, it felt disrespectful to Eddie being a single father. As if Eddie wasn’t enough for Christopher.

911 may be diverse in many regards, but they’re not consistent in their messaging.

Plus, wh - where did this Nathaniel story even come from? We haven’t heard anything about him since season 2, when it seemed Hen and Karen were on good terms with him. But out of the blue in season 6 we have Denny suddenly wanting his biological father in his life? When as far as we knew, he seemed perfectly content with his moms and his grandma in his life?

Another rather awful message is that Nathaniel, a grown adult, a stranger to Denny, thought it was okay to meet his biological son behind Denny’s mothers’ back for months??? And he was forgiven for that????? Yeah Hen and Karen said “do something like that again and you’re out,” but still. Nathaniel has definitely proven himself untrustworthy. I didn’t care for how this was handled at all.

✨ The Buckley Parents & Mr Han

*deep sigh* Good lord, I’ll try to keep this brief. These reconciliation stories were not handled well at all. I’ve seen plenty of people baffled and upset that the show had given these sucky parents a redemption, which means the show did a poor job in making it clear what they were attempting.

The worst was probably Mr. Han because the only “work” he put in was playing with Jee-Yun once or twice. He did nothing else in regards to Chimney. It was just Albert guilting Chimney to give Mr. Han another chance, and Mrs. Han giving a one minute speech about how “you and your dad are both stubborn.” Wow, so satisfying.

Personally I do wish the show would have the balls to say, “you know, some parents just suck, they don’t change, and that’s life.” But nah, gotta allow even the shittiest of parents reconciliation stories.

✨ BUCK

I have the most to say about him because this season gave Buck 5 storylines. These storylines overall were messily executed, and three of them not even resolved.  

— Leadership —

At the beginning of the season, yes, it was set up that Buck wants to take on leadership. However, from that to the finale there wasn’t really anything in between to connect it. So this particular arc felt a bit unearned.

— Donor Storyline —

I do believe it had potential, but it was fumbled in my eyes. In 6A it was really clear that Buck was struggling with donating, wondering if this was a good decision for him. Okay, that right there makes sense for Buck. Buck’s continuous struggle of being seen as parts to be given away no matter how it actually affects him.

However, Buck’s struggle was fully dropped once 6B came back on. Instead it pivoted to Connor and Kameron having the issues, specifically Connor. Connor was the one struggling with being a dad to a kid that’s not biologically his and not communicating with Kameron on how he feels. Keep in mind, we got most of this information in the last two episodes. No idea what other reasons, if there were any, why Kameron and Connor were struggling being married.

In episode 6x17, the show seemingly implied that Kameron and Buck were friends? Friendly enough that Kameron thought it was okay to crash at her donor’s place for however long. I guess she has no friends or family in LA. In any case, it really wasn’t until the last two episodes that Connor and Kameron really “mattered.” Buck became the mediator and pep talk guy. I guess Buck's line of “just love that kid” helped solve Connor and Kameron’s issues. 🙃

And I guess it was necessary for Buck to see the baby, so he could have some realization of “Wow, I really helped create this baby, but I’m okay with letting him go.” Though I honestly don’t think it was truly necessary for Buck to be the one to help birth the baby, but that’s just me. *shrugs* He could have just seen the baby at the hospital after being called up to see, and then peace out.

Overall I just don’t feel 100% satisfied with this story since, again, Buck was struggling with the decision in 6A, but 6B said “no he’s not.”

-– Being at Ease & Finding Happiness -–

I’m grouping these two storylines together. The only concrete thing I can say about them is that they were forgotten and not concluded by the end of the season. 🙃 I’m definitely disappointed because Buck learning to be at ease with himself? Now that was something he has needed to learn, and would have been great to see. It’s a much needed healing opportunity for Buck, but alas.

It’s an added layer of frustration because, to me at least, it really feels like those at 911 are dragging their feet at genuinely allowing Buck to grow and heal as a character in more significant ways. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not knocking the growth I have seen, nor saying he’s had zero growth as a character in the past 3-4 seasons. But damn if it feels like it’s mostly one step forwards, two steps back, and sometimes just going in circles.

I’ve seen other fans thinking that Buck has become kinda stagnant as a character, not just in season 6 but for longer. And I don’t think it’s because “they’re stupid” or “they’re just not seeing the long form storytelling” or something. No, if that’s some people's view of Buck? There’s reason and merit to that.

— Bucks Death (and revival) —

Buck died, struggled with his death, and… there was no conclusion or resolution to this. 🙃

We saw Buck not processing his death, refusing to properly process it for a time. He only admitted to Eddie twice that he was struggling, and then… nothing. 

— (unnecessary) Romance —

We all thought when Natalia, the death doula, was brought in that she was going to help Buck process his death - despite the fact that it would have been more narratively satisfying to see Buck figure things out with the help of his found family, but sure. And yet, we didn’t get Natalia helping Buck process his death. Rather she found it cool, they went on a couple dates because Buck is once again in a trauma response mode, Natalia seemed honestly uncomfortable with how full Buck’s life is and ran, but came back and said sorry, and now after 4 dates Buck asked her to buy a couch with him.

??????????????

What bugs me the most is that Buck’s romantic life was not a part of his narrative or story for the majority of season 6. This out of left field romance was shoved in, poorly, into the last 3-4 episodes of the season.

I’ve seen one take that a romance for Buck - at what was potentially the last season - was something the general audience would expect, so the writers put it in. I - can’t say I really agree with that. Given Buck’s story and narrative through most of season 6, would the general audience really be upset and confused for Buck to, for example, be single and happy in the end? I also gotta say I don’t like the messaging that the only happy ending is for someone to be in a romantic relationship.  

Plus, setting aside the fact that season 6 could have been the last season, Buck has been single at the end seasons 2, 3, 5, and arguably even season 1, but he didn’t realize it yet. In season 2 he was sad but not heartbroken over Ali, and I doubt the audience was particularly sad about it considering she was barely present. Season 3 Buck found peace (of sorts) with Abby, and was otherwise fine. Season 5 he’d broken up with TK and was looking really fucking happy and at peace about that.

So why exactly would the general audience “expect” Buck to be with someone, especially in a season that had up until the last 4-ish episodes had zero focus on his romantic life? “Because Buck for years now has been searching for a romantic partner.” Sure, but it’s a disservice to Buck and really everyone that the solution is to pair him off with someone they barely developed, and show/say that he’s happy about it. Like “aren’t you glad we gave Buck someone whose sole purpose is to be a love interest and nothing more?”

But circling back to Natalia. It’s hard to have much of an opinion about her because we’ve been told literally nothing about her beyond her profession. The most we’ve gotten out of her is her only being interested in Buck’s death and being generally overwhelmed at Buck and his life (even a little judgemental), before and after her apology.

We have no idea why Buck thinks “she sees me.” We don’t know what Buck sees in Natalia beyond her profession and being a beautiful woman. We have no idea what Natalia even sees in Buck despite her saying “I like you.” Because we’ve been shown nothing. And I will say what doesn’t help is that these two actors have zero chemistry.

Once again Buck has found himself passively in a relationship with no idea how he’s gotten there. I’ve seen this movie before, four times to be exact. It’s tiring, repetitive and boring at this point. Natalia and Buck are following too many similar beats already to Buck and Taylor.

There are two possible outcomes of this in season 7, 1) they break up or 2) the folks at 9-1-1 say fuck it and make Natalia and Buck endgame. Neither option is great, and I’ll explain why.

If they break up? Then what was the point? Is it going to be, “Buck learned that Natalia didn’t actually see him for who he is, nor could ever really understand and love all of him”? Hello. We’ve seen this movie before. It doesn’t matter that “Natalia isn’t as bad as Taylor” because we’ve seen this movie before. Introducing Natalia or any new love interest earlier in season 6 would have made it a modicum better, but I still wouldn’t like it. And I’m allowed to not like story choices. I must emphasize that what doesn’t help anything is that Natalia is barely a character.

So if the folks at 911 do decide to make Natalia and Buck endgame? It’s not hyperbole to say they have a shit ton of work to do to make this satisfying in any way.

The show is in such a weird spot because of the writers strike, WHICH I fully support. But the reality now is that the show, as far as we know, may not come back until January of 2024. 911 has always, as best they could, followed a real world timeline. So either the story will jump ahead 6 months, which you can imagine will cause several issues for many characters, or they’re for the first time going to only jump ahead, idk, a couple months into the future. Taking into consideration how the show left things off, they kinda shot themselves in the foot.

Because if they jump ahead 6 months and Buck and Natalia are still together? Great. Then we’ve literally missed a significant portion of their relationship, and the beginning of it has already been a whole lot of nothing.

What’s worse is IF, for Eddie, there is a 6 month time jump and he’s still with Marisol. 1) Eddie may be interested in dating, but not for something serious. If he does end up with Marisol - a character I’m sure a majority of people didn’t remember from 6A, but was brought back to remain a non-character in 6B - and we’re supposed to, what, care about them? Again I must say woof. 2) If Eddie and Marisol aren’t together at the start of season 7, then… there’s something underwhelming in that too. Although option two would make the most sense, even if I’m like, “yeah….. okay.” about it.

Tl;dr of Buck → Buck got a ton of screen time and a ton of stories, but not a whole lot of it was satisfying, to me at least.

✨ EDDIE

Eddie felt a bit like an afterthought in all of season 6, but it was especially evident in 6A.… But really all of season 6.

I think the story of Chris wanting more independence had potential to be spread out over 6A, rather than truncated into I think just one episode. Show us how Eddie is struggling with Chris’s independence, and show us Eddie trying to figure out what to even do with more time on his hands. More time to not be a dad, so to speak. Hell, bring in Ramon and Helen into all of this. 

Ramon got redemption in season 5, but there was nothing for Helen. We know Helen was hard on Eddie too, but so far? She’s gotten a weird free pass. I know this show particularly likes to make troubled relationships with dads (moms too, but majority dads), but they could put a little more focus on the mothers as well. Considering there were a lot of parental stories in season 6 (not all well handled), this was a good opportunity.

I’ve only watched season 6 once, so correct me if I’m wrong, but Eddie’s loneliness really didn’t come into play until something like episode 6x13 or 6x14, right? Even now I still can’t formulate a comprehensive thought, but this aspect and Eddie deciding to date wasn’t handled in a satisfying way. I mean, with the added details and timeline put in about just how young both Eddie and Shannon were with *gestures*, it puts into perspective how little experience Eddie has in dating. And because of this, Eddie, I guess, wants to try out dating? Just for fun?? Okaaay. That could work, that could be something. I just wish it hadn’t been handled so clumsily.

And this is where Marisol comes into it. A person who, at this point, is 1) making Eddie look like a hypocrite because he said trying to date someone you met on a call never ends well, and yet. 2) Marisol is, currently, a blank character. All we know is that she does DIY. That’s it. Her only purpose, at the moment, is just to be a love interest for Eddie, however long it lasts, and that’s boring. 

But I guess we were supposed to be happy about Eddie asking Marisol out? I mean, theoretically sure, it’s good to see Eddie putting himself out there, but only the concept is fine. Let’s not forget that the timeline to Eddie calling Marisol is fucked.

Supposedly they met at the hardware store (but originally on a 911 call), and I guess exchanged phone numbers off screen???? Then, idk, a week later the big emergency happens, where Eddie has broken ribs. Now realistically that would have taken 4-6 weeks at least for Eddie’s ribs to heal, otherwise Eddie wouldn’t be able to dance in his living room as we saw. Which means IF he’d waited for his ribs to heal, then both he and Marisol - despite being “excited” to call each other - had waited nearly two entire months to finally call each other? Haha what??????

My point being? Eddie wanting to go off into the dating world story wasn’t handled well, at least not to me. OH, and speaking of Eddie dating.

The last time Christopher found out his dad was dating, he ran to Buck. Now yes Chris has grown since then, but, where’s the through line? Why is Chris perfectly at ease with his dad attempting to date now? Where was the discussion for that between Chris and Eddie?

Side note, which is relevant here, let’s not forget that in 5x2 or 5x3 Eddie said “my kid loves her” about Ana. We never got to see this supposed love beyond a few brief scenes of Chris smiling with Ana in the same room. Mmm yes, I can feel and see the love. On top of that, we never got to see how Chris even felt about Eddie and Ana breaking up. So this is nothing new, the show failing to have connecting scenes for important issues being addressed when it comes to Chris and Eddie. Which is a damn shame because this is such an important relationship in the show, but in some ways has been neglected over the years. Definitely missed opportunities.

With Ana and mother of if all, Eddie had really only dated Ana because it’s what he thought he should do (because of his parents and heteronormative society). He thought he should give Chris - another mother? Okay, well go farther with that. Since Eddie did have a wonderful healing arc in season 5, we could have taken the time to explore both Chris wanting more independence and explore what Eddie wants in a partner in season 6. Season 6 could have then explored and made it clear that Eddie isn’t straight (because we live in a heteronormative world, so gotta “ease” people into saying “hey, not everyone is straight”).

And yes of course I’m going to bring Buck into this, Buddie into this, because disregarding the fact that the 911 folks didn’t know if the show was going to come back or not, they absolutely could have worked through the entire season to build up to Buddie canon. Hell, plenty of people in fandom thought that’s what was happening even after episode 6x01 (and definitely after the end of season 5). After everything in season 5, it’s not irrational or illogical to think the show can 100% have worked on making Buddie canon in season 6.

@lovecolibri made a really wonderful post explaining how the show and those at 911 are essentially “ship baiting” at this point in the game. Not queerbaiting, but ship baiting, which I think is a great term to use for Buddie. Definitely give the post a read.

But no. Instead we got Eddie only showing interest in women, and then calling a woman he and we know nothing about on a date. Okay. Cool. Yes, good for you for putting yourself out there Eddie, but… *helpless shrug*

me looking at Buck: Yep, I sure hope Eddie figures out what he wants in a partner. I hope he figures out he wants someone to always have his back, someone he can be himself with and not pretend. Someone who loves Christopher like he does. I hope he finds someone who he can have fun with and be silly with. Yep, I sure hope he learns that while going on dates with Marisol and whoever else.

— The Buddie of It All —

If they truly wanted to, the writers/TPTB could have made season 6 about Buddie becoming canon in some capacity. Whether that was a love confession, or an acknowledgement of feelings that will clearly lead to more. Hell, the first few episodes absolutely had this fandom believing that is what season 6 was going to do. But it didn’t. 6A was a bit scattered on the Buddie of it all, then 6x10-6x13 was pretty heavy on the Buck/Eddie/Chris aspect, and then there was a hard pivot to, “let’s pair off our super hetero hot guys with some women who are purely love interests.” Nope, nothing to see here.

Like? No matter what stage the people at 911 thought season 6 may be the last, you’re telling me they couldn’t have made Buddie canon work? That the general audience would be disappointed and mad about that? There were 18 episodes to work on bringing Buddie from subtext to canon, again, in some capacity. There were 18 episodes to finally say, “hey, yeah Buck and Eddie? Not straight.” They could have made this work. The fandom at the very start of season 6 thought it could work, as I’ve said, but it wasn’t until nearing the end of 6A and definitely the start of 6B that people had to say, “Oh… well. So they’re not going to work on making Buddie canon because it’s becoming too late now and it would be rushed.”

I am not pointing this out to say anyone has been queerbaiting. No one has. Ship baiting yes, but not queerbaiting. What has been clear since season 2 is that Buck and Eddie have something really special. There are big Buddie shippers for a reason. The groundwork has been laid down for 4 seasons already, so why not take the opportunity now, in season 6? Really, why not? Once again they had the opportunity in 18 episodes to make it make sense, even for the general audience.

✨ CONCLUSION

Season 6 was disappointing overall. As of right now, I do have some trepidation of what’s even going to happen in season 7. I have lost some faith in the writers and TPTB considering what they gave us and how they handled season 6 (yes I understand the cancellation pressure, I’m not saying they weren’t in a tough spot). I haven’t fully given up hope, but……. *sighs* yeah.

#911 discourse #911 critical #911 spoilers #uhhhh I had a lot to say about season 6 #ngl this took like 3 days to put together #so I hope at least one person reads this =')) #my thoughts

[poppyandzena]

Honestly, how dare they use their familiarity with therapy terms to abuse other people. Theyll say it isnt abuse, but they know it is.

To stay anonymous in fear of her going absolutely nuclear on me as well, all Ill say is I have experience and work in the same field as her. If shes going to pull out her "Im a therapist" card to act as if she knows better than all of us, then let it be known someone who works in the same field finds her behavior abhorant and I suspect she KNOWS it. Ive heard her speak, she is extremely smart, and I believe she knows exactly what she has done.

All of her texts to Noeh/Max are fishing for an "I love you" response when she clearly told Poppy no. She told you no Poppy. You know that. You just couldnt handle it.

I understand that abandonment melange can feel incredibly, incredibly painful. I have been in a similar situation as you Poppy. I know it sucks when the person you are unhealthily infatuated with doesnt love you. Your limerance for Noeh was painful as fuck, I know as much. That pain is coming from your own limerance, not Noeh. Your heart was so set on a relationship that never existed no matter how much you tried to force it. I've had issues with limerance myself, I know that it can feel like life or death and can make you want to do anything to just make the relationship fantasy you want a reality.

And you and I BOTH KNOW that STILL DOES NOT give you the right to do all of these awful things youve done. It was your job to work on yourself and step back and give Noeh the space she asked for. It was your job to reregulate yourself. It was your job to use techniques to stop catastrophizing.

So much damage has been done so far, especially to yourself by yourself at this point. Your peers have disassociated with you and you lost your job because of actions such as implying you would kill yourself if Noeh didnt love you in the way you thought you needed. Any therapist knows how manipulative that action is. You know. I know because you tried to mask it behind obfuscating therapy talk. I know you know this.

Even throughout all of this, and even though I condemn your actions, I still have sympathy for you in that it is obvious you are in an incredible amount of pain. If you want to heal you need to do the right thing and face your own limerance issues. Not being employed right now could be a blessing in disguise as it gives you time to step back and really work on yourself. I think if you take a break from this you will look back and see how many of your friends and peers who have disassociated with you were trying to help you by showing you your self destructive behaviors.

Its time to face the music. If it helps, Ive had infatuation with several unavailable people and the pain and negative behaviors only truely started to heal once I looked inward and faced a truth I was afraid of facing. That it was me. Once you do its not as painful as your brain would have you to believe.

A beautiful and insightful response. I always love when professionals put in their two cents here. You can feel the experience and knowledge simply through the prose. I've talked to mental health professionals as well and they were baffled Poppy was allowed to practice for so long. I will say Poppy was extremely lucky in her career based on the company she kept, but even that wasn't enough to prevent her behavior from causing consequences.

I've said this a few times. I wouldn't care if Poppy was a barista, or a janitor, or a marketing exec, or a rocket scientist. Those careers don't give you access to vulnerable individuals whom you are responsible for keeping alive. If you treat your child, your partner, your friends the way Poppy treats hers and you are a therapist? You are an unsafe practitioner. Full stop.

#poppy #poppy and zena #zena and poppy #poppy diabolique #ladydiabolique #poppy & zena #zenaandpoppyonyoutube #zena #nf

[nothorses]

Oh god, thank you, like if we did assume anon comes from a good place we understand where anon comes from but also like...yea nothings going to help if we don't like, Have A Replacement and you definitely know more than us about this one.

If it's alright to ask: we're wondering if you have any sort of knowledge that could be passed onto us (and others in a situation like ours) to mitigate that?

For more specific context, people definitely sing their praises to IEPs a lot and we saw someone mention them somewhere, but we have very unfortunately been on the end of it where it has been used as a vehicle for oppression and ableism anyways (WE PROMISE those twitter threads will be moved here to Tumblr we just haven't done it yet sory sksksk), because we had abusive parents who were "only" emotionally abusive if that makes sense.

We understand IEPs are helpful to lots of folks but it can be isolating as all fuck when praise is all people do rather than look at some of the tiny nuances or the ways people use it to keep the status quo instead of helping folks. Like how it was used as an extension of Autistic conversion "therapy" / applied behavioral analysis "therapy" when we had to put up with it.

Nutshell/TLDR: how do people use what they have learned to improve education when they didn't really. Learn anything. And how to bring attention to some of the things that nobody wants to talk about without sounding like we're being dismissive. We're so burnt out here when it comes to discussing any education system before university. Please share your wisdom (but only if you want to)!

I am not like, The Expert here, but I will offer some thoughts! Just take them with a grain of salt; I don't know everything, and I could always be missing things.

I will say that IEPs/504 plans are of particular interest to me right now, and imo, the problem is pretty broad and pretty deep.

My own personal context is that my brother was diagnosed with ADHD before even starting school, was put in SpEd early on, and had some pretty traumatic experiences because of that (we picked him up from school once to find him in an isolation room- a closet with one bulletproof window in the door carpeted floor-to-ceiling- because he had acted out in class. In first grade). He believed wholeheartedly that he was incapable of controlling himself, and he developed extremely low self-esteem. I don't know if no diagnosis would have been any better for him, but his diagnosis and "accommodations" (iirc he had an IEP) actively did him harm.

I, on the other hand, was not diagnosed with ADHD until I was 22, and I had to go out and do it myself. I had struggled with school my whole life, I had been in shouting matches with my mom about it, I have trauma about it, and I developed a different kind of low self-esteem around being told I was "choosing" to fail. Once I was medicated, my grades suddenly shot up, my GPA shot up, and I got into a pretty damn good grad school about it. I'm left wondering how things might have been different for me if I'd been understood as someone who was trying but struggling, and who needed support, rather than someone who was not trying at all.

I also don't think it's reasonable to expect that every disabled kid is going to be identified by the system, which is what most teachers seem to think is the issue: that they aren't good enough at armchair diagnosing 6-year-olds yet. It's just not gonna happen. Someone will be missed, and they shouldn't have to struggle alone because nobody else realized what they were struggling with.

Imo, what we need to be pushing for most urgently is universal accommodations, available without any need for diagnosis, disclosure, or anything else: Buckets of fidgets kids can grab whenever, alternative seating options, built-in breaks and frequent snacks, no penalties for late work/tardiness/absences, no graded tests, etc. (I would also like to see more project-based learning & growth-oriented grading, personally!)

As far as learning more: I can recommend some readings to start, and I'll link them here. They're also pretty dense; the grad school recommendation is to read the intro and conclusion in full, and just read the first and last sentence of every paragraph aside from that.

Here's the big folder (which I need to update) of all of the education-related readings I have ever been assigned. I recommend specifically searching "disability" and "democratic"/"democracy"; those will probably be the most relevant to what you're interested in.

Some good starting points:

Leonardo, Broderick (2011) - Smartness as Property: A Critical Exploration of Intersections Between Whiteness and Disability Studies

Carolen, Guinn (2007) - Differentiation: Lessons from Master Teachers

Alverman (2001) - Reading Adolescents' Reading Identities: Looking Back to See Ahead

Veletsianos, Houlden (2020) - Radical Flexibility and Relationality as Responses to Education in Times of Crisis

#education #disability #I could go on about this one specifically for a WHILE #and I will! #in my master's project paper lmao

[sometimes-men-need-help-too]

3 Less-Known Reasons Why Men Don’t Talk about Mental Health

Hi there. Man here. I’ve worked for Mental Health America for over three years, and sometimes, I still find it hard to talk about how I’m feeling. Why is this? We have robust evidence showing that men suffer from mental health conditions at similar rates to women. Four out of five people who die by suicide are men. Celebrities like Dwayne Johnson, Ryan Reynolds, and many others have talked publicly about their struggles with anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, or other mental health concerns. So have others in the public eye, like the late John Saunders, journalist with ESPN. So have men who hold more traditional, conservative positions of power, such as Aetna CEO Mark Bertolini.

Yet day to day, as we interact with our friends, our families, our partners, and our professional networks, countless men still experience difficulty with even using the words “mental health” in relation to how they feel. In recent years, society has begun to acknowledge the large role that gender norms, social taboos, and cultural contexts play in creating this environment, especially in the United States, but you might not be aware that there are other factors involved as well. These factors are heavily interconnected with gender, society, and culture, but they merit consideration on their own. Here are three less-known reasons why many men (at least in America) still struggle with talking about their mental health.

1. Awareness strategies are not targeted well to men.

Research done to develop the Man Therapy mental health campaign indicates that men respond more strongly to humor (especially dark humor) and, at least initially, to softer mental health language. Once men are engaged enough to learn more, there is often much less resistance to having our concerns contextualized within the lexicon of mental health. Many awareness campaigns fail to take these considerations into account, leading men to “check out” as soon as they see mention of mental health. This can cause men to feel out-of-place or vulnerable when discussing these issues.

2. Men ask for help differently.

Men are much more likely to accept help when there is a chance for reciprocity – that is, when they perceive an opportunity to help the other person in return. This wards off the feeling of “weakness” that is often associated with asking for help. Men also prefer to either fix or at least try to fix issues ourselves when possible, before reaching out for help at all. Instead of seeing this as a barrier, we should look for ways that loved ones, friends, doctors, and others can incorporate this to encourage healthier self-care strategies in men.

A tip: It can seem like an uphill battle to reframe the issues you’re experiencing in the context of “mental health.” If this describes you, try thinking about it as just another problem to fix – another car part to replace, a wall to patch up, or a sick kid to take care of – by approaching it this way, you may start to find meaningful ways to feel better.

3. Men can express mental health problems differently, leading to mis- or under-diagnosis.

Although men and women experience similar symptoms of some mental health concerns, how they manifest and present those symptoms can vary. For example, according to WebMD, women often respond to symptoms of depression with a more recognizable affect – they might appear disheartened, sad, or express that they feel worthless. Although men can demonstrate this as well, we are also more likely to present a more irritable affect – we might respond with anger, frustration, impulsivity, or a variety of other behaviors that aren’t always considered in the context of depression. In fact, these are often dismissed as “acting out.” Or if we respond with increased drug or alcohol use, these actually are seen as normal American male behaviors! This can play into Reason 1 above, leading both us and the people around us to be less-informed about mental health in men.

#mens rights #mens health #mental health

[sarahowritesostucky]

Tips for coping with depression

As someone who struggles deeply with depression, I thought I'd post these very simple but very crucial tips for overcoming a low time

FIRST AND FOREMOST, IF YOU ARE UNHAPPY ENOUGH THAT IT'S AFFECTING THE WAY YOU ENJOY LIFE, YOU'RE UNHAPPY ENOUGH TO SEEK OUT THERAPY AND POSSIBLY MEDICATION. My depression doesn't usually manifest as sadness. It manifests as exhaustion, lack of drive, and tanking self-care. So it took me a long time to realize that it "counted" as depression. If you don't have insurance, look up a therapist who is willing to do a payment plan and to see you only a couple times a year, maybe just via tele appointment. They might be able to prescribe you medications if that's what you need. I was VERY hesitant to start meds, but I tried low doses of two meds and they rapidly turned my life around.

But in addition, here are my personal recommendations:

BRUSH YOUR TEETH. Always do this first. I don't know what the heck it is about depression that makes brushing your teeth so damn hard, but it's a thing, and you'll feel better if you do this first.

START WITH A SHOWER. Once you finally manage to force yourself out of bed, please for all that is holy, just get a shower. I prefer baths, but I've heard from others that the shower part is crucial to them. Get a shower and stay in there as long as you friggin' want or can. Get some tingly mint shampoo. Get a tingly face wash. That shit is invigorating. I actually keep my toothbrush and toothpaste in the shower and brush at the end of my bath (whatever I'm depressed and weird)

GO OUTSIDE. Even if it's just opening a window or standing on your apartment's balcony for a bit. Go outside and see the earth. Go for a walk.

GET SUNLIT. get assessed for vitamin D--you probably need supplements. Purchas an indoor SAD sun lamp; you can get them pretty cheap on Amazon and just 30 mins a day with that thing makes a difference!

SUPPLEMENTS. Important and useful ones I like are Vitamin D, Ashwaganda, CBD oil, Kratom (approach with care if you have addiction issues). And take a friggin' multivitamin--you're a grownup.

ALWAYS DO SOMETHING KIND FOR YOURSELF. do something small, simple, and kind for yourself, for no reason other than it's a simple pleasure. Eat one of those tiny half cup portions of ice cream they have at the grocery store, put vetiver oil in your bath, get the overpriced drink at Starbucks you always tell yourslef you shouldn't waste money on, light a candle or get one of those misting waterfall thingies and plug it in. Watch some cat videos, do a coloring book, bake a batch of muffins. Whatever feels nice to you.

LISTEN TO HAPPY MUSIC. I'm a big fan of angsty, dark rock and alternative music, but I force myself to avoid it when I'm having a hard time mentally. Instead I listen to upbeat gym music or pop, music that sound how I wish I felt.

CLEAN YOUR SPACE. If you're my kind of mentally ill, your living space sometimes can get pretty bad. There can be are piles. Put on some of the aforementioned music and get going, one item at a time, you can always take a break or stop whenever you want.

GO TO THE GYM. People who've never really worked out don't seem to believe us gym rats, but it's true: regular exercise can help almost as much as (or more than) antidepressants!

DRINK LOTS OF WATER AND EAT WELL. I used to be a diet soda addict, okay? But water is what our bodies thrive on, and you'll be amazed at how much more awake a simple chug of water can make you feel.

CALL A HELPLINE. If you need to talk, call a helpline. It's so easy. You don't have to be in crisis mode or at the end of your rope to call, and unless you're on the phone actively threatening immediate harm to yourself, they aren't going to do anything but give you a kind ear. I volunteer at one of these helplines, which strangely also really helps with depression.

BE KIND! To yourself and others. It's free to do and worth its weight in gold to the people on the receiving end. As Ru Paul likes to say: "Kindness is the highest form of intellect."

#depression #mental health #be kind #choose kindness #choose happiness #helping hand #seasonal affective disorder #seasonal depressive disorder

[thesaltyoceanwaves]

Post "Blue Skies" Storylines: Adrien and Felix

Just a rough idea of how the storylines and characters would continue after "The Blue Skies and Your Eyes". If you haven't finished it yet, there's spoilers ahead! The full series is here.

First, we'll start with Adrien and Felix after leaving Paris and heading to London.

Adrien

-> Adrien is getting the therapy he needs while in London. He's able to unpack the issues he had with his father, the grief over losing his mother, and repair his relationship with Felix (who occasionally joins him for sessions). I also imagine him getting some social skills training to supplement the therapy. He's a bit hesitant at first, but is encouraged by his Aunt so he can better understand how healthy relationships work.

-> It takes some time for him to settle into London, but once he does, he starts exploring various interests and hobbies he didn't get to before. I've written a post addressing this before, but to reiterate, I imagine him getting into tricking (combination of martial arts and gymnastics that combines kicks and flips), baking, and romance fiction. To add on to that, I also see him joining a book and/or anime club at his school, or starting one outside of it. And since he's into tricking, I think I'd just have him join a martial arts school while we're at it (a glance at the wiki says that he does karate and kung-fu, so whatever school offers one of those is where he's enrolling).

(For those who need a visual reference of what tricking looks like).

-> His friend group consists of some members of the club he joins, people he regularly tricks with, students at his martial arts school, and some normal people at school. And of course, Felix, once the two have addressed the issues between them.

-> He still keeps in touch with Nino and Kagami, and occasionally Alya too. After doing some soul searching and healing, I could see him reaching out to Marinette and Chloe as well. Adrien and Chloe repairing their relationship helps her quite a bit as she's trying to adjust to New York.

-> Admittedly, he shies away from superhero fiction. Oftentimes, he thinks back to when Miracle Queen took the ring from him, and he can get defensive about it. He's aware of his behavior, but it takes him some time to really let go of it.

-> He is still a romantic at heart, but holds off on dating until a year or so has gone by. He wishes to avoid the fumbles he made with Kagami and Maribug, so he focuses on healing and self-improvement first. His first relationship ends up being someone from his tricking circle.

-> Down the road, I eventually see him becoming a romance author. However, he takes a pen name in order to disassociate himself from the Agreste name. He may also change his name legally for this reason.

Felix

-> While he does put effort into repairing his relationship with Adrien, Felix is well aware that he can never tell him about becoming the Guardian. Over time, he starts to feel a bit guilty about this, but never peeps or hints at it.

-> There were two things I thought of including for him originally in the main story, but never got to address properly: the first was another layer to why he was so hard on Alya. Initially, he was supposed to be a big fan of the Ladyblog, and even develop a small crush on Alya. However, he felt betrayed when he realized she wasn't entirely being truthful on there. The storyline would have focused on their rivalry, and him rekindling his crush on her, but letting go as she was happy with Nino.

-> The other main beat focused on why he was so interested in unraveling mysteries and secrets, which ties back to his own family history. The idea was that every male member on his father's side of the family died relatively young. This would make him concerned over his own mortality, and he would get into investigating the cause of it, since the circumstances were unusual. He would go around involving himself in situations he had no business in, simply to test his own skills.

-> Well, to tie into this new storyline, he'd balance his Guardian duties with finding the answer to this mysterious question. He refuses to admit it, but he's worried about his own mortality, if his own life will end shortly, and if so, by what means. This may cause him to take rash actions and to be called out by various people (Marinette, Luka, Fu, Adrien, etc.) It takes him some time to realize that he needs to practice self-care if he wants to prolong his life.

-> He ends up becoming a beta reader for Alya's autobiography. As they end up having to communicate a lot, I could see him developing a small crush on her, but choosing not to pursue it since she's with Nino. I think she's more observant at this point and picks up on it, but doesn't say anything.

-> You'll often find him spending time in the library doing research or studying for his Guardian duties. He earns the top grades in his class and seems to do so effortlessly. He only joins clubs if it benefits his investigations, with maybe debate team being an exception.

-> He develops a rapport with Marinette and Luka over time, as he continues his Guardian duties. He refuses to call them his friends, but it becomes pretty clear that he's fond of them.

-> In general, he's slow to make new friends. He often meets people when doing his investigations, or if his mom asks Adrien to drag him to one of his events, but they really only stand out to him if they're a person of interest.

-> One person decides to become his rival (for some reason), challenging him to various things, and often losing. When Felix declares that they aren't really friends, this person becomes really competitive... about making Felix his friend. And that's how Felix gains his confidant/sidekick.

#ml salt #ml salt au #ml salt fic #not really a salty post but tagging just in case #lukanette fic #lukanette au #the one to make it stay #pro lukamari #lukanette endgame #lukanette #post totmis

[applegameisprollytaken]

Woohoo, another vent post! I get I need therapy! I will get it eventually. Maybe.

On today's episode of "apples says some bullshit about his emotions that nobody gives a shit about" we have:

The shards.

Pretentious name. I know.

But fuck off this is vent post I'm allowed to be edgy and self referential.

Ok so... I have noticed something about my characters every year or so?

They all tend to have to do with me irl, if that makes sense.

Everything is on display if you know where to look.

I know I won't make it. Not anywhere in life, not to old age. I'm going to work minimum wage until, most likely, I take the easy way out.

And I have a character that represents that

I was raised by homophobic and transphobic old farts who don't like change, and want me to pray to a god I'm sure doesn't care for any of us.

But yet I am close friends with trans people, and AM LITERALLY BI (male preference just to hammer the point home)

So I have a character for that

The feeling I am better than everyone mixed with the knowledge I will never accomplish anything people will give a shit about?

See my very first character written.

The fact that I have to hide who I am with those I care about most, out of fear of losing them? The fact that they only care about me because of the perfect facade I keep up?

Both are characters, sworn enemies of each other, despite being the same person.

The fact that my current personality is a mask I had so long I cant take it off anymore?

Oh, well would you look at that! I have a character for that, and it's topical

The fact I escape to a fantasy world that hurts more than helps. The fact that I live in my games more than I do in the real world, because I know that at least in my games, there is a actual rock bottom I can crawl out from.

I have a character for that.

I have a character for everything wrong with me.

My hatred of parts of myself I cannot change nor get rid of. My fear of how much I have lost of myself. My fear of the world taking more from me if I try to leave my special little place.

I have characters for that.

My spite? My hatred? My fear of death? My craving for it? My every last shard?

All for display.

I even was going to make a game about it, once upon a time.

And I have a character for everything else too. What is too broad to be one or two characters, so instead are split between the hundreds.

My ego, a cardboard cutout of falsities and theatrics, hiding what little self worth I really have

My anger, something that defined me for a decade before I could overcome it. A chained beast I keep in its box l, never to be seen again. (Yes, yes, I know it's edgy fuck off)

My anxiety, with defenses upon defenses to protect from anyone who tries to get close. No matter if friend or foe.

My "funny" disabilities. A jester who can't sit still or get a hint but still won't shut up no matter how hard you try.

And of course, the final boss of my issues, my depression. It eclipses all. Happiness weakened, sadness strengthened. Will to live gone the way of the dodo.

[ina-nis]

I don't know if this is a symptom of AvPD but it's definitely not anything "normal" - it is a symptom of something.

I fall in love easily, over time, as I deepen my connections and feel safe with the other person, receiving the amount of attention that triggers it.

A superficial connection evolving into close relationships, then... unrequited love. It is very intense, and devastating.

Reading about "how to stop falling in love easily" or "how to not get a crush on a friend" don't really help either. Distancing myself from others and keeping relationships superficial is already something I do, for example. Or that you should rely on other friends and family - well, I will fall in love with my friends if I have not yet. If our relationship stop being superficial, it will happen 100% of the time.

Yes, even when they're partnered and married even. It doesn't matter for my feelings, all what matters is that someone is my object of love and I want them. But I can't have them so I "stop".

This is why I keep my relationships superficial and go out of my way to remain distant from partnered friends.

Unrequited love is really, really painful.

"Of course! You only think about love all the time! You need to do something else!"

Imagine my life is a puzzle.

I already have most of it complete.

There's one piece missing. I can't find it.

I could call it a day and just say "this is good enough".

But I can't. I literally can't. My brain doesn't obey me. I can't stop obsessing over it, that missing piece. I can't reframe the situation and think about all the good work I've already done because the puzzle is incomplete.

Even when I try to add other pieces that seem similar, they don't quite fit in there and that upsets me!

(Remember: this is all happening while I'm struggling with my brain to stop doing that because this is not what I want!)

Trying to not think about the missing piece makes me think about it even more.

Trying to do anything else works for as long as I'm doing things. All. The. Time. It's absolutely exhausted and the moment I stop? The missing piece! Why can't I find it?!

That missing piece is romantic love.

That missing piece is ruining everything else I have going on in my life because I can't simply ignore it, reframe it or find a substitute.

And I can't solve it either! Obviously...

Yes, this is going to keep on ruining all my relationships.

And yes, I'm positive once I find that missing piece, I'll get actually better - I cannot do that on my own, considering what I need.

I've been probably in denial for year and years about having obsessive-compulsive traits, because they don't present in the "stereotypical" forms.

It's in my mind, in my feelings.

What really aggravate things is the fact that this compulsion is not on me, towards myself or towards objects and places.

It's about other people and about my feelings toward said people.

The treatment for OCD and other Obsessive-Compulsive related disorders is medication and therapy. Medication have not helped me in any of my mental illnesses, and therapy (I can afford) is extremely limited and shallow for the type of complex problem I'm dealing with.

So no, distractions don't help for long enough. And this is not a matter of finding stopgaps and substitutes either.

I know what the problem is, I know what the solution is, I'm trying to get it but it doesn't depend on me only. It's very frustrating.

I'm happy with my life.

I finally have a self-esteem.

I can't stop my obsessive thoughts.

It's like... they exist separately from my happiness and self-esteem - understandably so! - so there's not much those 2 will be able to do to help because I can't make the missing piece issue "disappear" from my mind with a good self-esteem or happiness in other areas of life. They're completely different things.

Do you know what that space that can be filled by the missing piece represents?

Emotional loneliness.

I don't know if I'll find the missing piece. I don't know if it exists at all. I just wish I could... remove myself from it even if a tiny bit without burning out. I wish I could establish and maintain my connections and get closer, deeper, without having romantic feelings getting in the way.

I feel like I can't help it. It's not my fault.

Love (of the romantic type) is an emotion and like all of them, it has a purpose and a place.

I cannot get rid of it.

#avpd #avoidant #avoidance #avoidant personality disorder #loneliness #ocd #romantic love #inanis post

[hussyknee]

In which I throw myself a pity party.

Once in a while I remember that my anger issues are part of my Complex PTSD and wonder whether that's still a personal failing if it's a mental illness symptom. Like, one of my cardinal beliefs is that your actions due to mental illness may not be your fault but they are your responsibility, and no one owes you more patience and forbearance than they can afford to give. But it's not easy to separate that from "fault". Especially when I'm so goddamn ashamed of it.

I feel like part of taking responsibility would be to go to therapy and work on fixing myself (word choice intentional— I feel like I'm broken and dangerous to other people) except I'm to overwhelmed and depressed and traumatised to figure out how. My last therapist made me so suicidal I had to be hospitalised.

Also like. I'm wondering whether it's worth trying because I never stay fixed. I think I'm stable and then I lose everything I've gained and destroy even more relationships become worse than ever. It's like Sisyphus except if he thought the boulder wouldn't go down all the way this time except it would roll down even further and crush every hope he'd painstakingly built on the way. Attempting to get better just seems like an invitation to go through all that loss and shame afresh. I don't think I've really mourned everything and everyone I've lost already.

My particular neurodivergence works as "out of sight out of mind" and I'm used to going long periods without human interaction anyway because I was isolated and very ill for years, so the missing just sort of fades into the background unless I really think about how much I miss them, which hurts like a motherfucker, so I just don't. So far I've lost all my dreams of a career, most of my closest friends, my marriage, my in-laws I was close to and their children I loved, my dogs (my boy died four years ago and my agoraphobia stops me visiting them at my ex's for months), most of my relatives (long story but I begged them for help and they vanished) and my two cats. Of all those it's the animals I hurt over most tbh. The only two people I knew for certain loved me, my Dad and my mother-in-law, both died, and they feel like old wounds that feel fresh only occasionally. I'm back to having a relationship with my sister since Mum's stroke last year but some days I wonder whether the four years I had gone no contact wasn't better.

I don't know. Caring about things just means losing them to me. Not them dying but losing their love, or them moving out of reach. I think that's why I have an easier time caring for animals. I don't lose their love before they die. They also seem to be the only things I don't destroy myself in some way. For all my self-pity it's me who drove most of my friends away because I didn't know how to handle being loved.

This is pretty maudlin and wallow-y but that's just one more thing I can't seem to help. I think it's just worse rn because I turn thirty-seven in three days. It feels like sliding down a deep, dark well a little more every day, and I don't know how to get out.

#depression #complex ptsd #relationships #knee of huss

[cowboyjen68]

Hi Jen!! I’ve recently realized that I have an extreme fear of intimacy and am very emotionally unstable. This realization is making a lot of things about me and my life make sense, but I’m not really sure about how to move forward and get better? I want to be able to have relationships in the future but It’s something I truly can’t imagine is possible for me if I don’t try to get better. Do you have any advice for this?

p.s. I just want to say that I really appreciate you doing what you do. I can’t imagine how taxing it can be to constantly console people all the time, thank you for being someone we can turn to.

I am going to respond to the last part first. (the PS)  Thanks for letting me know my blog helps in some way to create a place where you feel like you can reach out. Don’t worry about me. I am pretty good at balancing life with online life and taking breaks when I need to rest my heart and brain. I have lots of support to talk through things and hash out my ideas and feelings. My crunchy granola hippy (said with affection) calls me an Extraverted  Empath and told me my Dad was the same way. Basically, I don’t get exhausted from consoling or supporting those in distress like others, instead I thrive on it. 

A first step in getting your mental health in balance is to recognize you might have some struggles. The second step it so get an official diagnosis or evaluation. Do not rely on google or the internet or even friends/family to tell you what the issues are that you are dealing with. Seek some professional help. IF you have insurance or live in a state where therapy is affordable please seek out a good fit. Do not be afraid to “interview” possible candidates and ask for what you want. IF you want a female who is between 40 and 60, you have the right to ask for that. If you prefer a different demographic advocate for who it is you think will best suit your needs.

If you begin therapy and it is not a good fit, any decent doctor will be happy to give you a referral to someone else. Good therapists recognize they might not be everyone’s cup of tea. Once you get a therapist she can help you get an evaluation through referrals to a larger hospital or mental health facility. It is highly possible there is no “firm” or specific diagnosis. But narrowing down your struggles can be very helpful to you and to your counselor. 

If you cannot afford therapy, inquire at a local University or non profit medical center (hospital) to see if they offer free help for those who can’t pay. Contact your state's social services and ask for help. Social workers know their way around the medical system. Most hospitals have social workers who can help with paperwork etc. It is their job.

There are, of course, some self help videos, youtube channels, books and other resources that you can research. My rule of thumb is the more simple the better and anything you can do to help gain tools to tackle one symptom at a time is good. For instance, if you are really struggling with holding a job, look into that one specific thing. If you have social anxiety and feel like it is holding you back from friendships, work on that. You might not be able to do enough self help to treat the WHOLE you but you can do little things to ease the symptoms of the greater illness. 

Check into Holistic Chiropractic care. I know, I know. Crunch Granola. But getting adjusted, having your physical body feel better can be a real thing. It can truly help you get into a better mental state when your body is better. Often, and this is a proven fact, our bodies react to our mental distress so then we end up struggling with mental AND physical discomfort.  However, Chiropractors are not for everyone. Mine has helped me greatly for almost 20 years. You can get a massage, do yoga, work on your posture or get a decent pair of shoes and go for some walks. Anything you can do to help your body recover from any mental trauma or pain is helpful in your overall attempt to feel better. 

Keep in mind. You do not have to be “fixed” or in some perfect mental state of calm and collected to be deserving of a relationship.  You must be aware of how your mental health affects others and how your actions/reactions can manifest. You can learn tools to form more appropriate responses to stress or triggers. Most mental illnesses are not really going to be “cured” but instead we must understand that others should not necessarily have to learn to work around our issues but we can learn skills so we can live in the world with greater comfort and ease. 

I hope this helps a bit. I would include links but everything is so regionally/state/country based when it comes to mental illness. If you search articles to get information check scientifically published journals over “opinion” pieces and check sources for opinion pieces for validity. If looking into government services make sure the website is .gov otherwise there are a ton of bad sites who offer to help for a “fee” but you get the same help for free at government sites.   You don’t need a middleman to obtain social or university or non profit help. 

#mental illness #mental health #coping #love #feeling better

[biiedwin8]

Maladaptive Daydreaming: Hard On Yourself When You Make Mistakes As A Maladaptive Daydreamer?

Today, I'll be answering this question: Why is it that you dwell on the small mistakes as an addict? Like you make a small mistake in life and then you dwell on it so much, you overanalyze it, you become hard on yourself, you beat yourself up. It is just a small, common mistake. Is it because of you or because of something else?

Actually, it's not because of the mistake that you dwell on the small mistakes; it's just because you are hard on yourself as a person. When you have an addictive behavior, it's mostly fueled by underlying issues or by issues which are stuck in the subconscious part of your mind. And because you've tried stopping this thing, you've tried stopping this habit, and you know it's negatively affecting your life because you've tried it and failed, so your mind will always pin you down as the problem. Your mind will always find a way to blame you as the cause of it.

So that's why even the smallest thing you do in life, your mind will blame you because you've gotten used to blaming yourself for the uncontrollable aspects of your life. You can't control your daydreaming, then now you go to work, you make a mistake, and you start self-loathing or being in this cycle of self-hatred because there's an element in your life which you cannot control. And when you cannot control something in your life, you'll always think that maybe you are the problem. So, it's still part of this blame. So actually, most people who struggle with any addictive behavior, they'll always be in the cycle of self-blame. Self-blame is this instance where you are blaming yourself for every small thing in your life, even things which you can't control.

It can be the weather, then you're like, 'Ah, the weather is gloomy today because I did that.' That's the same thing with mistakes. You make a small mistake even if the mistake was not out of your own doing, like it was someone else's doing, you always find a way to pin yourself as the one who always does this because it's become a pattern. It's become a toxic pattern for you. That's why you are addicted to this behavior. When you're addicted to something and you can't stop it, it becomes a pattern where you are stuck in a toxic behavior.

You know that daydreaming is toxic to you; it's affecting your life and you can't stop it. But because you've gotten used to this environment, the mind will always view everything you do as you being the problem. So you go so hard on yourself because of the small mistakes you make, not because of the daydreaming, but because of the underlying issues which are now the toxic stuff or the negativity you are carrying inside you, which is wanting to pin you down as the problem.

So go easy on yourself and understand that this daydreaming, even if you manage to stop the daydreaming itself, it doesn't also mean that you will stop criticizing yourself. You think that it's the daydreaming, but it's not the daydreaming; it's the underlying issue you've not worked on. And once you work on those underlying issues, you will come to the point where you become more kind to yourself because you're releasing all the negativity and allowing other positive things to happen in your life.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with overcoming and managing your maladaptive daydreaming without spending years in therapy, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

#intrusive daydreaming #daydreaming #maladapting daydreaming disorder #obsessive daydreaming #maladaptive daydreaming #actually madd #imaginary friend #immersive daydreaming #actually maladaptive #madd

[andagii-writes]

Revisions are chugging along!

Honestly, it’s kinda exciting to get these revisions going, because I feel like I can see how my writing has both matured and healed with me.

Yep. Healing. Allow me to be vulnerable for a bit here. 

CW: depression, alcohol

At the beginning of the year, I once again spiraled into those familiar dark places you may have seen me mention both here and in my A/Ns. The spiral this time, however, twisted so sharply that I was semi-regularly breaking down into horrid sobs in the middle of work. My thoughts at that time were that oh-so-timeless concoction of self-hatred, self-invalidation, self-criticism, rage, apathy, and a whole lot of lying to other people about how I was feeling. 

My strategy back then was to wait it out. 

“One of these days I’ll feel better.” 

“I’m just PMS-ing.” 

“I’ll just grab some junk food or some liquor.”

Writing, at that time, made me physically ill. Brainstorming, no problem, cloud nine. Editing and revising? Slam my head against a wall over and over again. The less I wrote, the more I hated myself, and the more I hated myself, I wrote even less.

Me? Depressed? No, no, I can’t be. Burnout, sure. Depressed, no, no, no.

So why, I kept asking myself, did I wake up every morning with a profound sadness weighing like an anvil on my chest?

Not depression, I kept telling myself. Sure, I had episodes of The Big Sad, but I knew what happiness felt like too. I had that during lockdown, when I didn’t need to answer to anyone but myself. 

I’m sliding back. I can’t slide back. Please don’t let me slide back to before that!

So, in the middle of work, in a numb haze, I signed up for online therapy. I didn’t know what to expect, but I knew what I wanted: to NOT slide back to those dark places and to stop lapsing into those sad cycles. Even if a therapist told me I’d have to live with this grayness for the rest of my life, as long as I could get some kind of guidance to help me through it, I was going to take my signing up for therapy as a win.

I was matched with a therapist that not only talked me through my issues, but also guided me along a meditative process that helped me reach some deep roots to my sadness. I worked with her for a few months, learned new tools, remembered some old ones, and came out of therapy in June-ish feeling like I’ve really, actually processed the worst of my scars.

I’m still applying those same strategies to other issues as they crop up, and the progress I see myself making have been... extraordinary. 

I have goals now. A little bit of ambition. I can take better stock of my emotions, understand them, and work through them to reach the core of what those emotions mean. Sure, I can still be cynical and maybe a little anxious, but those things don’t rule me anymore.

I now have a very profound freedom in and from myself, which is how I’ve been able to get the writing gears going again. I know what my meditative and creative states feel like, and I’ve figured out that pesky work-life balance a little too!

The places I’ve been kept me away from replying to reviews, but please know - if you’ve read this far - that your positive comments, kudos, and bookmarks over at AO3 have constantly buoyed me. Some readers have told me that A Drop Echoes helped them through some tough times, and I’m so glad and thankful that I’ve been able to repay your support through my writing.

My goal is to finish some projects. Like before, Within the Hearts of Sunset Stars is at the top of the list - I don’t want to keep you all hanging on that one.

With Chapter 4, though, I think you may notice a difference in quality. I really and truly hope you will enjoy the evolution that’s taken place.

Thank you again for your time and support, everyone! This writer has nothing but gratitude for you all!

#writing #writeblr #amwriting #mental health #actual blogging #cw: depression #cw: alcohol #i feel much better and peaceful these days #even if the world is going to shit i hope that my stories will keep everyone going #thank you!

[risingfire17-the-weeb-trash]

40 Day Anime Challenge Day 10- A character you despise with all your heart and soul: Almost everyone in Welcome to the NHK (2006)

I was excited to watch this. It had great reviews, and fans raved that it was a realistic and positive portrayal of people with mental health issues. As someone with these myself, of course I was excited.

But here are my thoughts after watching the anime: 

1) It is not a realistic portrayal of people with mental illness, because the characters are not given much characterization beyond the problematic behaviors of their disorders, no redeeming qualities, and very little character development that was rushed at the end.

2) It is not a positive portrayal of people with mental illness at all. Once again, they are almost entirely reduced to stereotypes, and they’re pretty terrible people. If this is the representation people like me, who has put in a lifetime of therapy and self-reflection to continue overcoming my issues and have healthy relationships, then I fear what those without mental illness would think of me based on what they see in these individuals.

So let’s get to why I despise the characters, yeah? (Spoilers ahead)

Tatsuhiro Sato, our protagonist. 

I don’t have a problem with the fact that he is a NEET. I have a problem with the fact that he never got professional help. I have a problem with the fact that he lied to his parents to keep getting their money, and cursed them when they finally cut him off. I have a problem with the way he treated his friends, yelling, name calling, throwing things, and then guilting them into letting him mooch off of them. I have a problem with his attraction to Misaki. First, because she is a teenager, and instead of staying away from her so he doesn’t act on this, he continues to spend time with her, has her pretend to be his girlfriend at one point, uses her as a cook and housekeeper, and ultimately confesses his love and starts dating her. The second reason is that until a rushed confession in the last episode that may not even be genuine because he said it to literally talk her off the ledge, he was only attracted to her physically and because she would do anything he wanted. He told her multiple times that she was a nuisance, a nag, had a terrible personality, etc. He belittled and bullied her through most of the series.

Misaki Nakahara, our wannabe hero. 

Clearly, she’s a struggling teen and needs help. What she does not need to do is berate and enable a grown man that she only latches on to because looking down on him helps her feel good about herself (which she admitted to halfway through the series and never worked at changing afterward) She coerces him to go along with her “treatment plan” rather than encouraging him to seek actual professional help. She nags at him, bursts into his home, and often pushes him farther out of his comfort zone than he can handle at the time. She enables his codependency when she starts cooking and cleaning for him, all the while scolding him for not doing it himself, so he learns that he is incompetent and should just let her do everything and accept her criticism when he does. I’ll give her a bit more of a pass than the other characters, because unlike the other characters behaving like children, she is literally a child. But she is still a toxic and manipulative person and her problematic behavior needs to be addressed by her guardians (and a licensed therapist)

Hitomi Kashiwa. 

This girl was the catalyst for Sato having a breakdown, always talking about conspiracies. When she comes back into his life, she asks him to join a group she is part of for a trip, not telling him that they are all there to commit suicide! She takes her vulnerable junior, who, despite all his flaws, is at least trying to get himself together, and exposes him to a group exacerbate his depression and he almost gets killed because of it. I haven’t read the manga, but I am told she tries to have an affair with Sato after she is married with a kid. (And the person she is married to, Akira Jogasaki, is so sweet and supportive, he’s the only character I like in this show, so it really hurts to see her betray him like that.)

Kauru Yamazaki, Sato’s best friend, giving otakus everywhere a bad name.

 This guy is supposed to be the “functional” one of the group, being the only one who has a job and is in school to pursue a meaningful career. That’s great and all, but he has a shit personality. His life revolves around perving on 2D women, and complaining that real women can never compare because of the imperfections that make them human, like having their own personalities, motives, and goals. He voices this in a way that is very misogynistic, painting women as manipulative. When he finally starts to fall for a human girl, he pursues her after being rejected, gets mad at her for interacting with other males, and has Sato videotape his confession to her without her knowledge for reference for their game. After moving home, he dates a girl who looks just like her, implying that he does not love this girl, but just sees her as a stand-in. And this is the guy Sato goes to for advice, ugh.

Finally, Megumi Kobayashi. 

After finding out about Sato’s issues, she lies to him and manipulates him into joining a toxic MLM scheme. Even when he tries to get out, she tricks him multiple times into buying her stuff. Look, I feel sorry for her circumstances, but that doesn’t excuse her behavior.

This show was painful to watch. (Even with Akira Jogasaki carrying the whole show on his back) I don’t know if the manga did any better and never will because I’m never touching this series again. I hate these people. Time to search for an anime that is actually a realistic and positive portrayal of people with mental illness.

#anime #40 day anime challenge #welcome to the nhk #anime review #bad anime #poor portrayal of mental illness #terrible people #tatsuhiro satou #misaki nakahara #hitomi kashiwa #kaoru yamazaki #megumi kobayashi #codependancy #unlicensed therapy #manipulation #toxic people #mental illness does not excuse being a terrible person #shows i hate #not sorry