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ironunderstands · 1 month

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2.1 was so good holy shit (spoilers, obviously)

GOD THEY ATE AND IM SPECIFICALLY GONNA TALK ABOUT HOW WELL THEY WROTE RATIO IN THIS BECAUSE IM FOAMING AT THE GODDAMN MOUTH IT CHANGES HOW YOU VIEW EVERYTHING BUT IN A GOOD WAY.

so, let’s start from the beginning in 2.0 I want to walk you through my experience of it

ratio mean to aventurine, everyone gets mad. I feel weird about it, pre-2.1 I come to the conclusion that he got used as a plot device in that scene, since being racist contradicts his core motivations and the dialogue is awkward and has no real reason behind it, I chalk it up to bad writing but ultimately forgive it because 2.1 seems centered around Aventurine so they need setup for that

2.1 drops, my bsf plays the update throughout the night and we are losing our shit. He gets to the part where Ratio “betrays” Aventurine. I fucking lose it, I try to reconcile this with my preconceived notions of ratio, they don’t match up at all, his behavior that whole time doesn’t in the slightest. I am confused, I wonder if I have been wrong about him this whole time, if his whole speech on the Space Station and his character quests were some kind of fluke. I mean it could be in character? Knowledge of how a stellaron works could save millions if not billions of lives, invaluable information which Ratio would have trouble turning down because of its value. It still feels deeply wrong, Ratio isnt a backstabber, and he wouldn’t so easily bargain with Sunday over information he has no confirmation of (and could likely obtain in some other way).

The story continues, me and Haseeb (aforementioned best friend) are still pissed, I’m losing it because my favorite character just did something so unforgivable and out of character and I feel like a complete and utter idiot for interpreting a character to be a good person when they so clearly weren’t. Well, I (luckily) was so so so so so so so wrong about that, as it was all a setup, a plan devised by Aventurine to distract Sunday and forward their goals. I’ve never been happier, and suddenly every weird behavior, every “this doesn’t make sense” goes from “bad writing” to perhaps one of my favorite retroactive twists in fiction.

Ratio belittling Aventurine for his background doesn’t make any sense, I mean we literally saw the guy give a whole ass speech about how he believes all people deserve access to knowledge and that everyone is capable of being creative and having intellect, but that they just have to try for it, and if they are incapable of it, he DOCTOR Ratio is there to lend a helping hand. To cure the galaxy of stupidity, something which he views as not the lack of knowledge but rather the misuse and misinterpretation of it, how he depises the Genius Society because they mostly do not try and use their intellect from the betterment of other, and actively guide/encourage other scientists (and in Hertas case the researchers at the space station) to view knowledge as some sort of prize or commodity rather than tool. This notion is what causes Screwellum to acknowledge that Ratio is more like a medical doctor than a scholar. And this notion is something Sunday Isn’t Aware Of.

Sunday doesn’t know who Ratio really is, he may have heard of his various exploits, but Ratio has a reputation for arrogance, bluntness and insensitivity, something which Ratio plays up to the nines. The 2.0 scene with Aventurine goes from seemingly massively OOC for Ratio to him actively playing up his negative reputation to play into Sundays perceptions of the pair for their plan. Ratio->

a) makes it seem like Aventurine fucked up and he’s mad at him for losing the cornerstones, something which Sunday would see and go “hmm they don’t like each other

b) this “oh I can drive a wedge between them” notion gets worse (although in their case better) when Ratio brings up Aventurine’s (not entirely accurate) background. Sunday now thinks he has leverage over Aventurine and even more of a chance of getting Ratio to betray him. Ratio also makes it seem like he just learned this information by stating he “did his homework” and this supposed unfamiliarity with one another would give Sunday more confidence to try and drive a wedge between them

c) this makes it seem like the IPC are unaware of the Families constant surveillance, as it looks like they are having an important conversation in a private room, which would make Sunday think they are unaware of his eyes and ears everywhere

Now let me qualify this notion with more evidence because you could still try and argue that the deal Ratio and Aventurine struck was post 2.0 argument

Topaz (my glorious Queen). At the end of the 1.4 (or was it 1.5?) Belabog quest she has a conversation with Aventurine in which he requests for her help in Penacony, and we do not get a confirmation on if she said yes or not. Until 2.1, in which the the Topaz (and Jade) stone in in Aventurines possession, meaning she took him up on that offer prior to 2.0 because how else would he bring multiple cornerstones there, which we know there are many because Ratio says he lost the cornerstones, not just his own. Topaz would not give this item up easily or on a whim in between 2.0 and 2.1, meaning she would have to be let in on his plan prior, meaning the plan was formed prior. Since Ratio was also assigned to this mission keeping him in the dark would make negative sense and actively undermine their collaboration, something which he brings up in their fake argument

2. The Final Victory Lightcone. I originally thought this scene to be after their argument for complicated reasons, the most important of which being the minor snippet of conversation we see between Ratio and Aventurine during the first time we meet Acheron. Aventurine mentions 3 chips, Ratio doubts him, and the lightcone description starts with Aventurine questioning his doubt and firing three shots, a perfect correlation that made me place the order of events in that way. However, we get to see the snippet of conversation between Aventurine and Ratio in game, right before they meet Sunday, not prior to the lightcone events. However, they are still clearly connected for aforementioned reasons, just in a different manner, let me explain. Now we know the three chips reference not bullets but the three cornerstones, and Ratio openly expresses his doubt because the family is always watching (something which I will get into) and because a part of him does doubt this plan will go well. However, Aventurine prior reminds him of the events of the lightcone with the three chips. My interpretation is that Aventurine took that gamble in the lightcone to convince Ratio to go along with his crazy plan since if he can win a game of Russian Roulette with an unwavering smile on his face he an insane gamble means nothing to him (ratio doesn’t buy it because it’s ratio but the sheer audacity or you could say the “charming audacity” makes him go along with it). In my opinion this scene only makes sense pre-penacony, due to the timeline of events, which is why I believe it the reason for the events in it has to be Aventurine trying to convince Ratio to join in.

3) The family is always watching. During the 2.1 story quest it gets brought up several times in many different ways that it seems like the family has eyes on everything and everyone. Sunday’s fuckass bird is everywhere, and the man himself (minus being a goddamn biblically accurate angel) is covered in eye shaped shit and possesses close ties with the Harmony, which lends itself well to a character that knows things considering the Aeon itself is a conglomeration of many different perspectives. He fucking perception checks Aventurine, when the crew goes to look for info on firefly they learn the dream pools monitor people’s vitals and everything, even producing a dialogue option where the trailblazer states they feel like their every move is being watched. Topaz gets stalked by bloodhound members upon arrival, I could go on. TLDR Sunday knows almost everything that’s going on in Penacony, this is what leads him to believe the traitor is within the family, and his access to knowledge is something the IPC 100% knows about. I mean they have been presumably attempting to try and get it back for a while, and they would reasonably extensively try and learn everything about it. The Family notoriously hates negotiating with them so the IPC either learning and/or coming to the conclusion that the Family is watching their every move isn’t a ridiculous notion. If this conversation was genuine, if Ratio truly wanted to discuss this matter with Aventurine, why would he do it in a likely wiretapped, not very soundproof room where any passerby could hear Ratio loudly exclaim that Aventurine lost the very important cornerstones and that he is also one of the most despised groups in the galaxy because that would really do numbers for both their reputations. If you think about it, this not being staged is an incredibly stupid blunder on Ratio’s end (minus the deliberate OOCness) because of all the places Ratio could set up a very important meeting he does it in one of the worst places ever.

4) The dialogue in the scene. It’s awkward, it’s so awkward and the whole “also my family died I didn’t get an education” seemed so tacked on the first time I watched it. Knowing now, it seemed so tacked on because it was, Aventurine had to shove the info in there somewhere and their incredible conversational skills decided that was the best part in there. Ratio fucking leaving before Aventurine is even done talking goes from a “huh weird” to a “wow he is really playing up this arrogant scholar role”. And if Ratio is playing the arrogant scholar, Aventurine is playing the dumb, helpless, blonde to a T. Losing the cornerstones and acting nonchalant about it, letting Ratio insult him so callously and letting the insults slide, talking absolute nonsense at the end about random things that don’t matter, sadly lamenting into the distance that he’s alone again. Bro is playing it up and I live for it. They also and play up these personas in their little adventure prior to meeting Sunday, Aventurine asks stupid questions like wondering about the species of the bird that make up the statues and talking about how he wants to play in the sandpit and even insulting Sunday a bit, behavior that would make Sunday think him unprepared and unserious rather than cold and calculating. If Aventurine does that well, Ratio plays up his arrogant, uncaring scholar persona to the nines. He insults any and every decision or thing Aventurine does, loudly sighing of how happy he is to finally have some peace and quiet when Aventurine leaves his sight for 0.00008 milleseconds, pointing out his sarcasm, beefing with a random Pepeshi bodyguard no reason, pointing out his sarcasm, just the exaggerated way he talks in general, and suggesting he admit Aventurine into the Genius Society (even Ratio wouldn’t stoop so low as to suggest Aventurine was worthy of that).

Moreover, this is really, really tragic because I do think there are several moments of genuine banter and fun the two share “Ratio, you’re huge!” was not added to the script to enhance the plot guys. And obviously Aventurine knows most of Ratios behavior is acting, however he has such severe trust issues, and Ratio is so damn straightforward and blunt that he worries the man was serious about some of it which just breaks my heart. Soft Ratio please add it give me one conversation, the note at the end of 2.1 doesn’t count it’s too short.

Ultimately, knowing what I know now I can’t help but view the 2.0 conversation with Aventurine as being anything but staged, it simply makes no sense otherwise, and it happily obsolescent Ratio of his sins. This was a bit incoherent I honestly just wanted to rant (if you couldn’t tell haha) but I hope you enjoyed it regardless. I need sincere Ratio more then I need oxygen and I’m not afraid to say it.

#honkai star rail #hsr spoilers #aventurine #dr ratio #aventio #i love 2.1

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astonmartinii · 1 year

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Hello! Would you be comfortable to write sth about Seb? x reader? :)

racing royalty | sebastian vettel instagram au

pairing: red bull!seb x motogp!reader

[for timeline purposes, seb never leaves red bull, but other than that most of the grid is the same as it is]

anti-social media man seb mysteriously joins social media and all hell breaks lose

yourusername

liked by redbull, charles_leclerc and 554,019 others

yourusername: vamos argentina 🇦🇷

view all 37,045 comments

user34 let's goooooo y/n

user12 sometimes mother is a woman who drives a motorbike super fast

redbullracing i think the kids say slay

yourusername you're doing great admin

user67 i need her to win another championship NOW

sebastianvettel

liked by yourusername, charles_leclerc and 808,045 others

sebastianvettel: the media team said that i should try this whole social media thing out

view all 102,089 comments

user446 HOLY SHIT SEB IS HERE

user76 does this mean i should delete all my thirst edits

yourusername welcome seb 🐝

user23 ^^^ parents interacting WHAT

redbullracing HE'S HERE EVERYONE STAY CALM

redbullracing

liked by sebastianvettel, yourusername and 601,784 others

redbullracing: all red bull top step in f1 and motogp this weekend !! congrats sebastian and y/n

view all 13,088 comments

user44 red bull are killing it (unfortunately)

sebastianvettel unbelievable race y/n !!!

yourusername right back at you starboy

user11 are they ... flirting ???

user35 seb did say he only got instagram to comment on his gf's posts ....

maxverstappen1 my goats 🐐

yourusername

liked by sebastianvettel, marcmarquez93 and 505,467 others

yourusername: snoozing in the barcelona sun

view all 28,056 comments

marcmarquez93 so this is what you did at my house

yourusername yes thanks for letting me stay

marcmarquez93 cheaper than an actual housesitter

sebastianvettel sunkissed

user15 someone teach this old man how instagram comments work

user66 WAIT SEB COMMENTED... THE MATH IS MATHING

user45 seb commenting ... said he got insta to follow + comment on his gf's posts ... next gp is in barcelona ....

sebastianvettel

liked by yourusername, charles_leclerc and 625,098 others

sebastianvettel: starting from pole tomorrow ready for you barcelona 🇪🇸

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user10 let's go seb

yourusername never in doubt star boy 🌟

user30 hmmmmmmmmm what's going on ^^

user49 do we think y/n is going to come to the race?

user21 omg i hope so

redbullracing quali king

redbullracing

liked by sebastianvettel, yourusername and 606,334 others

tagged: yourusername

redbullracing: special guest in the garage this weekend, motogp queen y/n y/ln joins us in barcelona 🇪🇸

view all 86,304 comments

user33 god i love her so much

user55 doctor help my parasocial relationship is too much

sebastianvettel good luck charm 🍀

yourusername you don't need my luck star boy 🌟

user8 THEY HAVE TO BE TOGETHER THIS IS SO CUTE I CAN'T

liked by charles_leclerc, motogp and 772,077 others

tagged: yourusername, sebastianvettel

f1: when f1 and motogp collide - y/n y/ln was in the red bull garage this weekend cheering on close friends sebastian vettel and max verstappen

view all 110,089 comments

maxverstappen1 finally someone acknowledged that she's my friend too

sebastianvettel sorry buddy probably cause she likes me more

maxverstappen1 @yourusername you gonna let him bully me like this?

yourusername sorry maxy but he's not wrong

user23 okay but that's basically confirmation right, RIGHT ????

charles_leclerc she visited me too :(

yourusername added to their story

[caption: pretty boys]

sebastianvettel added to their story

[caption: long awaited catch up]

yourusername

liked by sebastianvettel, redbullracing and 770,095 others

yourusername: vroom vroom for the last time this season, but to finish this year with my second championship is unreal + always good to share a podium with bestie marc

view all 114,045 comments

marcmarquez93 fave champagne partner, though i'd prefer if i'm the one winning next time

sebastianvettel god i love watching you race, congratulations my love

yourusername i love you too

sebastianvettel i love you more

user38 WHAT WHAT WHAT

user90 no one talk to me my parents have confirmed their relationship

sebastianvettel

liked by christianhorner, yourusername and 1,223,067

tagged: yourusername

sebastianvettel: looks like we need to upgrade the trophy cabinet at home

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user37 they already live together ???

yourusername i love you (you can do the diy)

sebastianvettel i love you more

user47 so... when will race of champions change their rules so they can compete together ???

maxverstappen1 congrats you two (why did you crop me out of all of the photos)

charles_leclerc

liked by pierregasly, maxverstappen1 and 1,045,300 others

tagged: yourusername, sebastianvettel

charles_leclerc: happy anniversary to my racing parents, thanks for letting me chill at your farm, making me my birthday party and teaching me how to ride a motorbike ❤️

view all 229,567 comments

yourusername awwww sharl, no worries, you're our favourite disaster child

maxverstappen1 take that back right now

yourusername okay charles is seb's favourite, you're mine maxy

maxverstappen1 thank you

sebastianvettel thank you charles xx

user13 obsessed over y/n and seb having grid children who love them so much they make anniversary posts and argue in the comments

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, maxverstappen1 and 1,567,290 others

tagged: sebastianvettel

yourusername: happy five year anniversary baby - i love you so much i can't even put it into words, here's to many more xx

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user45 FIVE YEARS WHAT

maxverstappen1 can i have a prize for keeping this a secret so long

charles_leclerc me too

sebastianvettel no?

redbullracing best kept secret in motorsport - happy anniversary guys xx

sebastianvettel can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you baby

note: i love seb so much so so happy to write about him! i've nearly finished all my requests so feel free to send some more in xx

#f1 instagram au #f1 x you #f1 x reader #f1 imagine #f1 #sebastian vettel #sebastian vettel imagine #sebastian vettel x reader #sebastian vettel x you #sebastian vettel instagram au

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gay-dorito-dust · 1 year

Note

Hello I love your short fics you do with LeonxReader. I also saw your “tired, trying and internally dying” and it describes me perfectly. I was also wondering if you would do a LeonxReader with some injury/angst and Leon or reader whoever is the injured one making jokes to try and lighten the situation??? Please and thank you💖💖

I appreciate that you enjoy my little Leon x reader stuff and Ngl I made that motto up on the fly when making this blog and now I’m only seemingly to live up to it nowadays 😂

Tw: Hatchets being thrown, injuries, violence, gun violence and reader having a gun.

‘Didn’t your mother ever tell you it’s not good etiquette to greet guests with such hostility?’ You taunted the villager just as he threw his hatchet at your head but you moved out of it’s trajectory in the nick of time. ‘Ha! You missed!’ You exclaimed which would’ve proved in making the villager pissed, but you noticed the sinister look in his eyes as they moved over your shoulder before a sickeningly satisfied smirk stretched across his face.

Just then a pained shout came from behind you and your blood ran cold. ‘Leon?’ You said under your breath and the smile on the villagers face seemed to only grow, as though he was confirming your worst fear; A scowl then replaced your worried expression as your jaw clenched tightly and your blood began to boil out of anger.

‘Say good night you son of a bitch.’ You snarled as you were quick in drawing your gun before putting a couple of well placed bullets through the man’s head, chest and legs in rapid fire succession; Taking an unsettling amount of enjoyment as he fell off the side of the castle battlements and into the veil of smog below before a faint thud could be heard, indicating that the bastard was well and truly dead.

‘Hey, if your done patting yourself on the back, I’m still very much hurt and would very appreciate if my lovely partner would offer me a helping hand, if that’s not too much to ask for?’ Leon’s voice brought you out of your own head and you were quick to look at him; only for your eyes to focus on the handle of the hatchet that stuck out from his shoulder whilst the steel blade was buried deep into his flesh.

‘Oh my god, Leon.’ You said hurriedly as you rushed to his side, trying not to openly express your internal fretting over him but you obviously weren’t doing so well in keeping your composure, as Leon attempted a smile before placing his hand on your shoulder. ‘It’s no biggie, having a hatchet in your shoulder and all.’ He shrugs with his uninjured shoulder. ‘It could’ve been a hell of a lot worse, so I’d give this experience a five out of ten.’

‘Will you quit it with the joking?’ You said, not finding any of this even remotely funny as you gestured to the hatchet in his shoulder. ‘You’re hurt, seriously hurt-‘

‘oh is that what this searing pain in my shoulder is? I wouldn’t have guessed. Thank you for educating me doctor, you really saved my life.’ Leon cuts you off sarcastically and you looked at him with raised brows and arms crossed over your chest as you impatiently tapped your foot. ‘Your ability to run your mouth hasn’t seemed to be hindered much for an injured man, so you should be up to continuing the mission right?’ You told him, flashing a false smile as you patted his chest rather harshly, causing Leon to wince upon each impact of your hand.

‘No, I would like it very much if my partner got me medical attention before I decided to pull this fucker out myself and bleed to death.’ Leon retorted, mimicking you by raising his brows and tapping his foot. The sight was quite humorous that you had to stifle a chuckle behind you hand because of it, before regaining your composure as you then sighed loudly as you moved yourself to Leon’s side and usher him to where you met the merchant last.

Yet with how slow Leon was taking his strides, you couldn’t help but crack a joke at his expense. ‘C’mon grandpa, it’s time for your daily medication.’ Leon scoffed but couldn’t help the smile that slip onto his lips when he noticed how much you’ve calmed down since first seeing his injury; Being a little pain in the arse seemed to have finally pay off in his favour.

‘You’ve been waiting to make that joke you, haven’t you?’ Leon asked, voice light in humour as he gauged your reaction.

‘Maybe.’ You responded, neither denying nor confirming.

‘Bitch.’ Leon said.

‘Jerk.’ You replied.

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scarvain · 1 month

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✶ STARGIRL — hamzahthefantastic x reader

002 ✶ Admire Me

stargirl masterfile – next – previous

SUMMARY: hamzah has a crush on a youtuber who's always out and about and slushies see their relationship progress on social media! (smau)

DISCLAIMER: reader is a brown haired girl and for some pics that aren't faceless, i'll be using olivia rodrigo cause i love her and she’s filipino like me hehehe

liked by devonleecarlson, kalynnkoury, and others

ynln new vid is up ft funny ppl

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user001 SLUSHYNOOBZ AND Y/N WTF!!!!!

user637 where did u get this sweater omds

↳ ynln theres no tag and its not minee

↳ user417 IS IT HAMZAHS

user890 HAMZAH SWEATER

user145 awww carl and fish

user791 HAVE U GUYS SEEN THE VIDEO HAMZAH KEEPS LOOKING AT HERRRRR

hamzahthefantastic nice sweater i guess

↳ ynln this is what u look like rn 🤓 anw thanks for the sweater

↳ user369 DOES THIS CONFIRM IT???!!!?!

becoming a slushynoob for a day

44k views • 5 hours ago

uploaded by ynln

"hey you guys, does this place look familiar to you?" you tried to ask with the straight face, looking straight into the camera, trying to ignore the two boys that stood right beside it.

but right before you say your next sentence, you burst into laughter. "oh my fucking god—it's like that she sent me her location trend on tiktok!" you cover your mouth as you laugh even more.

"what does that even mean?" martin asks with a confused face and hamzah just shrugs at him, still off screen.

"okay, today i am at the slushynoob hospital because..." you look up at them and hamzah mutters the word virus multiple times for you to say. "i got the virus on me and only two wonderful doctors can help me, mind joining me here?" you signal for them to sit by the couch now and martin jumps on it, crashing the side of his body on his yellow couch.

hamzah sighs but then he notices you were smiling at him, inviting him to sit next to you which he obliged to.

they introduced themselves before the boys explained what they were planning on doing.

"okay! so first thing is your outfit, hamzah hand me what we've prepared for y/n today." martin crosses his legs and puts his hands out.

the curly haired boy reached to the side for the clothes they prepared. "you can choose between the martin's orange vest or this camo sweater." hamzah said in a weird "cool" tone which made martin bite his lips to stop himself from laughing.

it was clear to martin that his friend was trying to look good in front of the girl he liked. it was for sure going to be a long day.

now, you're wearing both of the clothes they put out and now in hamzah's car but instead of martin being in the passenger seat, you occupied it and he was sat at the back.

"okay so where are we going now?" you look between hamzah and martin, going a bit closer so you could include martin.

"that's a secret just film this," hamzah tells you, eyes focused on the road and suddenly he feels the camera on him.

you were smiling as you held your camera towards him, he glances and he starts to feel his breath hitch. "is he always this serious?" you joked which earned a laugh from martin and a scoff from hamzah.

you guys ended up going to a drive thru and buying almost half of the menu then going back to martin's apartment.

the next clip showed the three of you, sitting down on the floor with all the food set up on the table. hamzah was right beside you, watching you pet and play with the pets in the house. "it's starting already," martin whispered then you looked up.

the rest of the afternoon, the three of you ate the food and shared with each other as you talked about any topic you could talk about.

most of the time it was only you and martin speaking as hamzah kept on zoning out due to the fact you were sat next to him and he could smell the cologne you were wearing.

"what about you hamzah?" was the only thing that got him to snap out of it. he looked up at you, head a bit tilted in confusion. "what's a place you wanna visit?" you asked before taking some of his fries.

there were more questions and you three got to know each other more.

after the mukbang, they taught you how to play overcooked but only some clips were added to the video.

one of them being hamzah helping you play the game as his hands were on top of yours, directing your hands on what buttons to press. you felt your cheeks heat up during the game and martin was too focused on the game to realize what was happening.

after you guys bid goodbye to the end the video, you hugged them before leaving. "wait! i still have to change." you suddenly remembered, quickly taking off the vest.

as you were about to pull off the camouflage sweater, hamzah stops you. "you can keep the sweater but the vest i don't think martin would allow you to keep it," you both chuckle, handing him the vest.

he was about to speak again until your uber arrived in front of the building.

you hug the boy one last time with a smile on your face. "i'll see you soon!" you said before you entered the car.

"get home safe, okay?"

✶ taglist — @cdbabymp3 @noturbabe22 @dabuggh3 @kingvioleta @tumb1rgir1z LMK IF U WANNA BE ADDEDDD!!!

#hamzahthefantastic #hamzahthefantastic x reader #hamzah x reader #hamzah fanfic #savi's works ✶#savi’s stargirl ✶

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the-fiction-witch · 13 days

Text

Nurse Y/n

Media - The Artful Dodger Character - Doctor Jack Dawkins Couple - Jack X Reader Reader - Nurse Y/n Rating - Flirty Word Count - 1413

I finished up work with a patient on the ward and I noticed Captain Gains arrived at the door, I tried not to let panic rise to my face given Fagin was upstairs in my room counting out the score from our last venture. But I did my best to merely act normal as he came through with his usual sit, cane and chipper smile.

"Mr Dawkins," he said,

"Doctor Dawkins," I corrected,

"A quiet word?"

"Trouble with the prostate?" I joked,

"If you could be so kind doctor," He glared,

"Yes course," I nodded,

He led me to the stock room where he sat his book and pen, "Do sit down, doctor."

I sat down trying not to look sheepish, and the more I did the more I wondered if it was actually possible. Silence sat between us for a moment and I felt as If I wanted to break it, "What uhh... what is this concerning?"

He didn't answer at first taking the time to fully extend his tongue from his mouth and lick the tip of his pen before he began his notes. "Nothing to worry about Doctor Dawkins, just a formality during our investigation,"

"What investigation?" I asked,

"I am sure you have heard about these... dreadful atrocities in port victory."

I relaxed a little, "Yes, of course. Been the talk of the town," I nodded, "Wretched, horrendous, accidents."

"Apparently not." he said, "After much investigation, we have determined these... atrocities were not accidents,"

"Not- not accidents?"

"No, we have determined in our investigation... that these were not accidents,"

"Ohh goodness..."

"And we have determined they are likely the work... of a serial killer."

"oh... I see..." I nodded, "What... does that have to do with... our conversation today?"

"It is very obvious the body's damage was caused by someone with... medical knowledge."

"Are you implying-"

"I am not implying anything doctor Dawkins," he said, "Merely asking questions,"

"Yes.. of course,"

"You wouldn't happen to have noticed any medical equipment going missing of late?"

"No, no, nothing of note."

"I see... you and Doctor Sneed are our two residents? there isn't another doctor lingering about?"

"No, Myself, Doctor Sneed and Prof. That's all," I explained,

"I see," He made a note, "Have you noticed any other changes in staff?"

"Ohh uhhh a couple of nurses retired last month and we brought in replacements,"

"Well, nothing to worry about there then. Would you be able to tell me where you were on the evening of the 17th?"

"Here." I answered, "Caring for my patients," I lied even though I was defiantly not here, I think on the 17th I was either down the cat and bagpipes stealing Darius' watch or possibly across town stealing Mrs Asterlynn's diamond necklace,

"Yes... and various nurses and patients could collaborate on that,"

"Uhhh..." I scrambled, "Unfortunately the patients from then have all passed on,"

"Pity, your nurses then?" he asked, "I'm sure one of your nurses would be able to confirm your presence that evening,"

"Hetty, my head nurse would yes." I nodded hoping to god he wouldn't call my bluff because she was currently mad at me and I got the feeling she was at the right level of throwing me under the carriage mad,

"I see... you're head nurse," He chuckled, "any others know you were here?"

"...ughhh... Yes." I lied, "The uhhh the new nurse." I said, as it suddenly hit me that the new nurse who works down in the morgue with Tim, the little one, always has pigtails, she had a day off on the 17th so she wouldn't know I wasn't here, "yes, the new nurse, she was at my side helping me all night, I was showing her the hospital and such,"

"I see, you don't mind I ask her of course. For the records."

"...No, no of course not," I lied,

"Good take me to her then," He said as he got up,

I nodded and led him down the corridor trying to think of what the hell I was gonna do, why did I say that, why didn't I have a plan, what nurse could stand me enough not to get me hung, I couldn't ask hetty she's mad, and I already called her my head nurse so he's met her before... I saw the new nurse, the one who had the day so coming up from the morgue in her usual nurse's dress, with her hair in sweet pigtail braids, well I hope to god she plays along. "Nurse," I spoke up as I don't know her name yet...

She stopped and seemed puzzled as to why I was talking to her, "Yes Doctor Dawkins?"

"Captain Gaines just wanted a word with you," I said, "About the 17th, when we were working... on the ward... together... all night..."

She looked at Captain Gaines and then at me for a second seeming confused, "I'm sorry the 17th?"

"Yes, you know nurse when you and I were working on the ward together all night, and I showed you around, we cared for patients, did some paperwork..." I lied giving her a rather pleading look almost begging her to play along,

"Oh, yes the 17th. of course." She nodded and I relaxed, "Yes of course what did you wish to ask me about Captain?"

"You can confirm Doctor Dawkins was here in the hospital that night?"

She glanced at me and we shared a look, "Yes I can,"

"Really?"

"Yes Captain I swear on my life," she said putting her hand to her chest, "Doctor Dawkins was ever so kind to me, I only just started and he took the time that evening to give me a tour and run me through some procedures. Letting me shadow him for the evening,"

"And he didn't leave your sight all evening?"

"No Captain, we worked on the patients together until dawn," She smiled,

"Yes we did, yes... never left my sight did you?" I asked,

"No, absolutely not," She smiled,

"And would there be other nurses that could confirm this?" He asked,

Ohh shit- "Ughhh well..."

"Well unfortunately," she said, "Most of our lovely nurses had already taken to bed given such a busy day, the few who were still working, I am sorry Captain but we were so busy popping around the hospital we don't recall any names of nurses still awake and I doubt they would remember us was given how short a time we were in one place,"

"Right," he made his notes,

Hum... damn she's good, I glanced over at her and she gave me an innocent little smile,

"I see, it's interesting who you two were working all evening, together, and yet not a single other nurse or patient can confirm such information,"

"Well, admittedly a lot of our work was... down in the morgue." I lied,

"Yes, down in the morgue popping up for other business of course," she smiled,

"So you were alone, in the morgue together?" he asked,

"Yes..." I nodded,

"And what work were you doing, exactly? For the records?"

"I believe that is our business Captain," she smiled her hands slipping around my arm,

I looked down at her a little confused about what she was doing but as she laid her head on my shoulder it clicked... oohhh... she's going that angle with it... smart. Certainly explains us being alone together.

"I see. Thank you. Any other questions I'll be sure to ask," He nodded folding up his notebook and heading away,

As soon as he was gone I let out a sigh, "Thank you, nurse,"

"You're welcome," she smiled, "Figured you were in a spot of bother,"

"Yeah think I was for a second..." I sighed,

"What did he want?"

"I think... he thinks I have something to do with the deaths in town,"

"I see... do you?"

"No! Of course not!" I protested, "I was just out doing... other business,"

"Understandable then," she nodded,

"What about you?"

"Humm?"

"You were gone then?"

"I was,"

"Do you... have anything to do with his?"

"Doctor Dawkins how are you insinuating such a thing," she faked protested, "No no, I had... other business too,"

"I see," I nodded, "You uhh you don't have to hold my arm anymore you know,"

"I know," she shrugged, "you're kinda comfy,"

"ohhh ughh thanks," I blushed a little, "you uhhh you're... kinda cute."

"Thank you," she giggled, "Well if you need a cover story again, you know where to find me, Doctor Dawkins," she smiled as she tapped my arm and headed off down the hall,

"Ughh yeah, wait! Ughh what's your name again?"

"Y/n!" She yelled back before turning the corner,

"Hu... Nurse Y/n," I smiled a little before I headed up to my room.

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andydrysdalerogers · 2 months

Text

Cross- Checked ~ Chapter Eleven

Andy Barber x OFC Leighton "Leia" Andrews

Summary:

Andy Barber is having the best year of his life. His game is on point. It’s gets to play with his best friend and his fiancé just... dumped him?!.

Reeling from a sudden change in status, Andy decides it’s time to just focus on hockey. Until his best friend's sister comes out with news that rock the entire organizations world.,

Andy has always carried a torch for the untouchable Leighton but in her hour of need, is now the time to shoot and score or risk getting cross - checked again?

Warnings: Cheating (but not by the MCs); slow burn; friends to lovers eventually; SMUT!; pregnancy; jealousy; handsome goalies, evil exes...

A/N: The tag list is open!

I do NOT give permission for my work to be translated or reposted on here or any other site, even if you give me credit. DO NOT REPOST MY FICS. Reblogs, comments, likes, and feedback ALWAYS appreciated

Dividers by @firefly-graphics

Banners by me!

Previous: Chapter Ten ~ He Had It Coming ~ Andy

Series Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Chapter Eleven ~ What A Wonderful World ~ Leia/Andy

Leia

Week 20

A week after what I am calling the most embarrassing day of my life, I woke up for the first time not in tears. As I laid in my bed, I thought about how my life had changed again. I thought it was starting to change, that it was getting better. Jeremy changed that. He broke that trust that I was finally getting back from Bret. I sighed as I rubbed my ever growing belly. “It's just you and me, kid, and well Andy I guess.” But I stopped and looked at my belly. “Andy,” I whispered, and it happened again. “Andy!” I yelled.

A door swinging open and rushed footsteps before my door burst open to see Andy in my door way, breathing heavily. “Princess, are you ok?”

I smiled brightly. “I’m great!”

Andy scowls at me, coming to sit down next to me. “Leighton, you can’t just yell my name like that...” he stops as I grab his hand and place it on the side of my belly. “Leia...”

“Shh... Andy,” I said. And the push on my belly and into Andy’s palm made him raise his brows.

“Is that...”

“Hi baby, its Mama and Papa Andy.” I stroked my belly, but baby gives another kick for us.

“That’s amazing, Leia.” Andy looks up at me and it’s the first time I realize how close together we are. His face was in his trademark smile as he tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. God, his lips are right there, looking soft and plumb. I bet his beard is soft. I feel myself getting closer to him but then my phone rings. Andy falls back a little as I reach for my phone.

“Hello?”

“Hello, this is Dr. Sheppard’s office confirming your appointment and ultrasound for a week from today.”

“Oh right, yes, thank you.”

“Don’t forget to drink plenty of water. See you next week.” She hung up and I looked at Andy.

“Doctor’s appointment,” I whispered. I can feel my face burning and I look down, but Andy lifts my chin. I look into his beautiful ocean blue eyes, and he kisses my cheek.

“Right, it's on my phone. Right after practice.” He smiles ruefully. “Umm, how about I make some breakfast and then we can go shopping?” He cups my cheek.

I smile, enjoying the warmth of his hand. “Sounds good.”

After breakfast, I go to pull my coat on and button but the jacket won’t close. “C’mon,” I whine as I pulled and tug to close it.

“Princess, I think that jacket is a lost cause,” Andy says as he walks down the stairs.

“No, this is my warmest coat. Its freezing today.” I want to stamp my foot down like a petulant five year old but manage to hold it in.

Andy chuckles. “Here,” he hands me his own brown peacoat. I look at him and he smiles, taking the jacket and helping me into it. “We’ll get you a new one today.”

“I look like a child wearing her big brothers clothes for dress up,” I pout.

“You look beautiful as always, Princess. C’mon.” He took me by the hand and out the door we go. As he started to drive, Andy asked, “so the appointment is on Christmas Eve?”

“Yeah, it was the only time they had. I thought it would be something to look forward to since...” I fiddled with the buttons. I didn’t want to admit that I was avoiding Christmas with my mom. Luke was going to Miranda’s family and mom had a new boyfriend. These were the days I missed my dad the most.

I think Andy could tell I was avoiding talking about Christmas. “I was thinking, maybe we should get a last minute tree for the house. I mean, we weren’t talking for most of the month, and we didn’t talk about decorating but since my folks are away for the holidays and Luke’s gone, maybe we make the most just the two of us.”

My eyes began to water. “You want to spend Christmas with me?”

“Of course I do. Leia, I would never abandon you like that. Even if you were mad at me, I would still be here just so you knew you weren’t alone.” He took my hand and squeezed it three times. Like that song I loved so much.

“Andy,” my lips wobble hard. Even when he was mad at me, he still cared for me. He turned to look at me.

“Oh fuck, hang on”. He pulled over really quick as my tears spilled over. He got out and opened my door. “Leia,” he wrapped his arms around me. “What’s wrong, love?”

“You’re being so sweet to me when I was such a bitch and choosing that asshole over you. I don’t deserve you,” I wail as I lean into him. “I’m so sorry Andy, I didn’t mean it.”

“Oh honey, its ok. We fixed it and we’re ok.” He kept running his finger through my hair to sooth me and rocked me a little. “You are my Princess. I forgave you the moment you walked back into our house.”

We sat there for a moment while I calmed down. As my breathing evened out, Andy pulled back a little. “Ready to see the shops?” I nodded and Andy kissed my forehead and then walked back to the driver's side and took off again.

“What did you want to shop for?” I asked as I fiddled with the end of my braid.

“Well, since this is baby’s first Christmas, I thought we could start setting up your registry. At least for basic stuff. The guys have been asking what they can get you. Jonesy and Ullmark are all for getting baby skates.” Andy chuckled. “And Smith and Fitzy were wanting Baby to have each one of our jerseys.”

“That is a lot of jerseys.” I giggled. “But I don’t know what the baby is yet.”

“I know Princess, but we can at least pick out the big stuff like a stroller and car seat. Some tiny Bruins shirts for them to wear.”

I could see the gleam in his eye. “I am not painting the room black and yellow, Andrew.”

“C’mon, just like a large Bruins logo on one wall.” He couldn’t even keep a straight face as he said it. I giggle at his stupid idea. I shook my head as he pulled into the store parking lot. “Fine, tell me what would be the dream.”

“The dream would be baby animals. In soft pastel colors; it would be good for either a boy or a girl. And the room would have white furniture and a rocking chair so I can sing them to sleep. And a little cloud lamp so it would glow softly in the middle of the night.” I smiled as I looked out the window. “It would be perfect, me and you taking turns to care for the little cub.” I looked back at Andy who had a look I didn’t understand. “What?”

He shook his head and smiled. “It sounds perfect Princess.”

We got out and got set up with a registry list and picked out the stuff I knew I needed. I even let Andy pick out the tiniest pair of skates I have ever seen to go with the Bruins onesie that read “future all-star.”

It had been the best day I’ve had in weeks.

Andy

Week 21

We were waiting for Dr. Sheppard to come in after the nurse had taken some of Leia’s blood. “I’ve been thinking about names”, Leia states as she plays with the string of her hoodie. Well, my hoodie. She had started to wear my hoodies because they are, and I quote ‘the softest on her skin and she didn’t want to be uncomfortable.’ I’ve lost five hoodies to her in three days.

“Yeah, what are you thinking?”

“Well, I was thinking of some gender neutral names, you know, since I don’t know what I’m having.”

“Ok.” I looked at her curiously. “You’re not gonna name the kid ‘Square’ or ‘Hashtag’ are you? Ouch!” I rubbed my arm as she backhanded me. “I was joking, Princess.”

“Be nice to your baby, Andy.” She rubbed her belly, and I covered her hand. I felt a faint kick. “See, they are not happy with you.” She looked up at me adoringly and I had to stop myself. We had that moment a week ago when we felt the baby move... and did she just refer to the baby to being mine??

“So, I was thinking of a few name,” Leia kept talking. I don’t even think she realized what she had said to me. “The neutral names I have are: Avery, James. Bailey, Cameron, Frankie. Luke offered Luke Jr. I snorted at that one. For a girl I did have Nora.”

I mull over the names for a minute. I keep matching the names to Barber. I know that this kid will be born an Andrews but fuck if I didn’t want them to take my name. “Maybe you will have to wait until the kid comes out.”

“I hope not. I want to call our baby something other than cub. They have to have a name Andy.”

She did it again. Our baby. I should stop her from doing that. I go to open my mouth when Dr. Sheppard walks in. “Morning Leia and Andy. Thanks for coming in on the holiday.”

“It’s no problem,” Leia responded with a big smile. “We got to feel them kick this week.”

“Good. That’s excellent news. Well,” she types into the computer. “Everything is looking good except for the elevated blood pressure. Stressed lately?”

Leia chews her lips, so I step in. “I’m being a pain in the ass Doc. Had a stretch of games that were brutal. But she already put me in my place.”

Dr. Sheppard smiles. “I get it. But I want to avoid any complications. Rest as much as you can Leia and Andy, stop being a jackass.”

Leia giggles as I smirk. “No promises Doc. We hockey players are temperamental.” I chuckled. “But seriously, I understand. I’ll do better. Anything else we should be worried about?”

“Not necessarily worried, just taking notes. I’ll give you a guide to the do’s and don’ts to help with the blood pressure. And I’m sure you read, Leia, that your libido will increase.” What the fuck! “It's perfectly normal and safe for the baby to engage in sexual intercourse. It could also help with keeping you calm. Just watch the weight on top of you.” She turns back to the computer as I look at Leia. She is twelve shades of pink and I know it's something she hadn’t wanted to share with me earlier. I try to keep calm at the idea of “helping” Leia. My own blood pressure was about to spike

“Ok, so who is ready to see baby?” Dr. Sheppard smiles, not understanding what she just did to us.

“We are,” Leia says.

“Alrighty, shirt up, pants lowered. I warmed up the gel so it should be comfortable.” Leia gets ready and she squirts some gel on Leia’s belly. Leia grabs my hand and looks up at me. I can see she is nervous; she wants the baby to be healthy after the drama with Swayman. I kiss the top of her head as we wait for the doctor to give us information. “Ok, there is baby.” She turns the screen and I’m in awe.

“Wow,” I whispered. The fuzzy black and white screen makes everything look like a void except in the center there is clearly a head, body, arms and legs. “Princess, there is Baby.”

A tear springs in her eyes as Dr. Sheppard flips the sound on and baby’s heartbeat echos in the room. It's an amazing sound I wish I could bottle and listen to every night. Leia’s eyes never move from the screen. “Are we wanting to know the sex?”

“Princess?” I look at Leia.

“Yes, please.” She looks up at me with a smile and then back on the screen. Dr. Sheppard moves the wand as she takes measurements. “Well baby is healthy, and she is growing right on schedule.”

“She? It's a girl?” Leia squeaks.

“Congratulations Mom and Dad. You are having a baby girl.”

This sensation, this tingling that I feel in my heart is something that I never thought I would have. My little girl. I can feel the tear slide down my face and Leia reached up to thumb it away. “That’s my girl,” I whisper. Leia nods as she pulls me down to hug me.

It Christmas Eve night and we’re finishing an awesome meal of salmon, rice and veggies that Leia made. She wanted to add steak for me but with the elevated blood pressure, the doctor had recommended we stick to chicken and fish. I told her it was fine, I have to stay on a food meal plan for hockey and her diet fits right in with mine.

“Princess, that was delicious.” I wipe my mouth and set the napkin down.

“Thanks. I have some cake for dessert but I can’t eat it right now. So full.” She pats the belly with her daughter floating inside. My daughter.

Ever since we came home from the doctor’s office, I haven’t let go of the idea of Leia’s baby being mine. She called her mine in the office and damn if that doesn’t feel good. “We can wait and I’ll make some tea for you and we can have it in between movies.” I moved to pick up the plates. She began to object when I stopped her. “Nope, you cooked, I clean. That’s the deal. Now, go relax in the living room and I’ll be out in a few.”

After washing up, I went and found Leia on the couch with a blanket over her legs. She was reading something on her phone, eyes swimming with tears. “Princess?”

She looked up and wiped at her eyes. “Sorry.”

“What is it?” I sat next to her.

“It’s nothing.” She could see that I wouldn’t take that answer. “Media post about Jeremy and how he is playing the field. There was a comment that he knocked me up and left me and I just...”

“Hey, don’t let it get to you. The people that matter know the truth and that’s that.” I took her hand. “Don’t pay attention to that. Just concentrate on the baby.”

She looks at me and smiles. “Thanks Andy.”

“Movie?” I hold up the remote so I can get it started. We watch all of her favorites, The Holiday, Love Actually. I’m about to put on Miracle on 34th Street when I hear firecrackers. I look at my watch and its midnight. "Merrcy Christmas Princess.”

“Merry Christmas Andy.” Leia smiles. “I got you something.”

“I got your something too.” I bend over grab the present from under the tree. “Here,” I hand her my gift and I keep the one from her.

“You first,” she said. I carefully unwrapped the gift. “Holy shit... this is a signed Gretzy sweater.” I look up at Leia. “Princess... how?”

“The last home game against Edmonton, I had to take some shots of the celebretes that were there and I just couldn’t pass up the chance.”

“This is awesome Princess. Thank you.” I gave her a hug and sat next to her. “Open it,” I urged her.

She opens it and its a jewely box. When she pinches it open she gasps. It a necklace with a tiny crown on it. Each point had a diamond on it. “Andy...”

“Let me put it on.” I took it from the box and went to put it on her. “I picked it because you’re my princess and you should always have your crown.” I fixed her hair, and she turned back to me. She is so beautiful. I finally get it when they say that a pregnant woman glows because Leia is glowing for me now. She’s always been beautiful but in this moment she is perfect. I can’t let another moment go by without telling her.

But what happened next was not what I thought would happen.

I stared into her beautiful eyes, closed the distance between us and kissed her.

Taglist:

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winterspiderpurrs · 1 year

Text

Part 1 listed in the link above!

Part 2:

Sighing as Tony hung up the phone in his office. Widow just confirmed that Winter and her were almost here to hand over the information he requested. Though they wanted to question Peter first. Which irritated Tony, but if it will help solve the mystery of who knocked up Peter, he would allow it. Anything to help protect his family.

It's been a few hours since Stephen showed up, the equipment delivered, ultrasound down, images printed. 100% confirmed that his little bambino was pregnant. Atleast Peter was almost done with getting his doctorate and this won't hinder his career. As if Stephen would allow that. If he could start going into labor while operating its sure as he'll that Peter could keep up with his lab work. [As long as extra safety precautions were made cause of the pregnancy]

Walking up the stairs to Peter's old bedroom, he thinks of how this is so similar to how he found out he was going to be a father the first time. At a charity event for the local hospital all those years ago. Ego met ego when he met Stephen. He never met an omega that was so Alpha like. They carried on their tic for tac into a heated night that lasted til morning. It was 4 months later when Stephen showed up at the restaurant where he hosts meetings at times for reality of that night comes rushing back. Tony had already had the business set up for Harley to take over. While he still acts young, Tony knows at some point he would be too old to keep going. He never thought he would have a family of his own. He rushed to make sure that even if Stephen didn't want to raise the baby, he would take care of anything. Moved him in and doing his best to woo the Omega. It was a year after Peter was born that they officially became a bonded pair.

They set it up where Peter's address and "guardianship" would be under his god mothers ' Aunt May' to help alleviate attention that he was Tony Starks omega son. He went to the best private school in Queens, distancing him for the Manhattan area as best as he could. Safety was the biggest priority that Stephen stressed for his pups. Yes, pups. Surprise, surprise, when Peter was 16, Stephen ended up pregnant, again shocking the family. Miss Morgan Strange was born. Peter absolutely dotted on his alpha little sister.

Sighing one more time before opening the door to the bedroom, Tony paused before smiling. At the center of the bed was Peter snuggling up to Stephen on the bed. Stephen gently combing his fingers through his hair. They were whispering to each other, " and if they are fools and don't want anything to do with them. We will always take care of you and the pups. Family is important." Stephen stopped talking, looking over at Tony in the doorway. Tony cleared his throat. " Pete... I'm sorry for... reacting how I did. I was just worried... Widow and Winter are headed over with information for us. They want to talk to you first if you won't mind meeting them down in the study. "

Peter's eyes widen, he has met Natasha, and she was practically an older sister/aunt to him. He has only heard of rumors about Winter.

Stephen and Peter untangle from each other before getting out of bed to head downstairs following behind Tony. Once downstairs, Peter goes into the study while Stephen stays out in the hallway with Tony. Not long after, Natasha shows up with Winter, aka James 'Bucky' Barnes, and shockingly Steve Rogers. Tony frowning. " Winter, I know you know that I tolerate your... choice in mate. But we really dont need goody twoshoes getting involved in this... private matter. " Steve frowns before opening his mouth, but Bucky beats him in addressing Tony." Don't worry, Stark, Steve here has recon in the area... once we confirm a few details, things will get sorted. In the study, Natalia said?" Bucky nods toward the door of the study.

Tony says and waves his hand. " Yeah, yeah. Go easy on him. No unnecessary stress. Nat introduce?" Natasha nods and goes to the study, opening the door and smiles " Oh my little spider, I have some friends here that need to talk with you" she waves Bucky and Steve over and the men enter the room but Natasha does not enter and closes the door. Tony frowns and stares at her. " Why you let Winter bring his Alpha with him? Do you want to stress Peter out more? Also lack luster introductions- he has never met Winter. Only heard of him and not even a warning? And why are you looking at me like that, Stephen?"

Eyebrow raised as Stephen stared at Tony, eyes flickering toward the door and then back at Tony. Blinking Tony looks at the door and then back at Stephen. Stephen tilts his head and looks at the door before back at Tony again. Frowning, he looks at Natasha, who's blocking the door. Then it clicks. Two Alphas. Natasha could have just brought him the names. There's no need to bring Winter over here.

He started to stutter in disbelief before the anger rolled back in. He growled loud and rushed the door. Thankfully, Natasha moved to side, but she had a unbuckled the gun from her holster. " Don't do anything stupid Tony. You have to think of Peter." Blinded be rage at the audacity that these two Alphas picked HIS child to fuck with? Tony rips the door open and off its hinge. " The fuck is the meaning of this!?" But Tony deflates at the scene infront of him.

Inside of the study on the couch was Steve with Peter on his lap, looking at the sonogram photo, a dopey smile on his lips, arm wrapped around him. Bucky was kneeling on the ground in front of the pair, nuzzling up again Peter's stomach, gentle rumbles coming from him with his arms wrapped around them.

Well shit.

*********------***********-------***********

So.... it's been a month since I typed up Part 1 and it's not where I want it to be. But kept thinking about it and just had to get it out.

Hopefully you like it @professional-benaddict and @no-name-for-me since yall said ya wouldn't mind a part 2!

#writing prompt #winterspidershield #stucky plus peter #omega peter parker #alpha steve rogers #alpha bucky #mob tony stark #mob au #winterspiderpurrs #winterspider #spidershield #peter parker x bucky barnes #shieldspider

113 notes · View notes

rpstartersinc · 1 year

Text

* 𝐒𝐀𝐒 𝐑𝐎𝐆𝐔𝐄 𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐎𝐄𝐒.

feel free to change pronouns / wording!

“ you are supposed to address me as ‘sir.’ ”

“ i won, i won, on a horse called smokey. ”

“ invited to feel regret, he felt no regret. ”

“ i like you, you know why? because if i tell you a joke, you pretend that it’s funny. ”

“ you hate this place. ”

“ i hate this peace. war, my friend, is where you find it. ”

“ i hope i did no permanent damage. ”

“ fucker, first and foremost. ”

“ i’m used to uneven battles. ”

“ drink. do not think. ”

“ do not be yourself tonight. ”

“ when we are among them, your mother is not watching. ”

“ oh, i’m sensing resentment. ”

“ i’m afraid theft is something i cannot tolerate. ”

“ in war, we are allowed to be the beasts that we are. ”

“ we are taught to kill silently, and it becomes instinctive, almost like swallowing. ”

“ eyes are for thumbs to push… into the brain. mouths can be torn open, necks are a gift - god’s ultimate mistake. ”

“ everything you touch is a weapon. ”

“ you are a weapon. ”

“ works every time. ”

“ doesn’t this fucking squeaking drive you insane?! ”

“ i can’t fucking salute anymore. ”

“ what would it take to make you call me sir!? ”

“ it would take respect. ”

“ i always sleep well. ”

“ nothing is as it seems. ”

“ justified by inner rage. ”

“ they say it is an exquisite death, though, who the people are that know that is unrecorded. ”

“ you’re supposed to be in hospital. ”

“ kill with cutlery if necessary. ”

“ you crept up on me. ”

“ right now beauty is not a currency i value. ”

“ you will learn that i tend to hear about everything. ”

“ they are dead men, just awaiting confirmation. like me. ”

“ if you’re going to stand there staring, we will charge you admission. ”

“ anything expected fails. ”

“ never be where you are meant to be. ”

“ did you have a fall? ”

“ am i dead? ”

“ i’m told my the doctor not to express pity. ”

“ you’re not making any sense at all. ”

“ we have nothing to discuss. ”

“ mostly, i don’t like people. but i like you. ”

“ i understand you gentlemen are very good at killing people. ”

“ we won’t all survive, but we will triumph. ”

“ and if all this is a lovely dream of mine, well it has been lovely dreaming it. ”

“ lately, i’m changed by him. ”

“ if i sit up barking and howling at night, as i sometimes do, he takes me for a walk and throws a stick for me. ”

“ there’s no shame turning back on a night like this. ”

“ it’s broken. ”

“ we need to be alive to go again. ”

“ maybe it’s your attitude, maybe it’s the way you walk. ”

“ you are walking on a tightrope. ”

“ i don’t like waiting around. ”

“ fucking is fine, feeling is not. ”

“ literally, unquestionably, undeniably in the middle of fucking nowhere. if fucking nowhere had a capital city, this would be it. and this would be the main street of fucking nowhere city, and the lord mayor would be fucking no-one, presiding over fuck all, in a place where there was no-one around to give a fuck. ”

“ you need any help, there isn’t any. ”

“ i’m fucking sick of being the taxi service. ”

“ for god’s sake, don’t be seen. ”

“ i never go to parties to which i am invited anyway. ”

“ it’s not a competition. ”

“ fuck the moon. ”

“ the moon is our friend, patience is our enemy. ”

“ those that see us will soon be dead. ”

“ so damn corny, isn’t it? ”

“ i can tell you the full commandment - thous shalt not kill, except in a very good cause. ”

“ only monsters would keep count. ”

“ i will get a break, i am owed a fucking break! ”

“ you’re being very mysterious. ”

“ you always resort to military terms when you’re embarrassed. ”

“ talk to me like that, i will knock your bleeding block off! ”

“ drink rum, fight dirty, fuck the rules. ”

“ who dares wins. ”

“ are you not compassionate? ”

“ and there was me thinking that you were with me because you liked me. ”

“ oh, to run away, eh? oh, how grand a life it would be to be a coward. to love life that much. ”

“ you don’t deserve my father’s wisdom. ”

“ sometimes when you are in command, you need to make difficult decisions. ”

“ never wrestle naked in the sand. sand under the foreskin is one of the most painful medical conditions imaginable. ” “

“ expect to be isolated by my contempt. ”

“ i am a hand grenade, pull the pin, throw me where the enemy is most numerous. ”

“ the eyes of a familiar compound ghost, both intimate, and unidentifiable. ”

“ i find ts eliot rather dull. ”

“ not a debate worth getting sand under the foreskin for, one might imagine. ”

“ you must ask why, because if you know why you are carrying out your mission, when things fuck up - which they inevitably will - you will know how to achieve what you set out to achieve, in a different way. ”

“ i like plans that can be explained with one breath. ”

“ i have you! ”

“ get on your feet! ”

“ i expected better from you. ”

“ i wonder if it’s something more or not. ”

“ i save my bullets for the enemy! ”

“ i cannot believe you just risked your life for no reason. ”

“ you would do this purely to discover that i am not you. ”

“ lesson learned about men, and the motivation of men. ”

“ fuck, it’s a dead end. ”

“ because why the fuck not? ”

“ i’m only staying to make sure you don’t damage any of our property. ”

“ you make me curious. ”

“ what you did today, i wondered if you’d do that if you loved someone. ”

“ loving somebody can make you too fond of life, which… can turn you into a coward. ”

“ whatever is the cause of your pain? you have my deepest sympathy. ”

“ you certainly have my attention. ”

“ it takes me a while to get back to normal. ”

“ about an hour after sunset i will stop shaking, and then about an hour after that i will stop hearing explosions. ”

“ as a general rule, i avoid possession and being possessed. ”

“ among the broken bottles on the floor you’ll find several teeth. ”

“ i blame my father, what’s your excuse for being such a mad fucker? ”

“ i don’t need a fucking excuse. ”

“ one night, someone’s going to come in here and they’re going to slit your throat. ”

“ they are welcome to try. ”

“ the use of irish as an adjective is very provoking. ”

“ i would beat you to death. ”

“ i’d take your knife from you, cut off your balls and stir them into a bloody mary. ”

“ there. that was me pulling a knife. ”

“ no-one can bear undeclared grief. ”

“ do you remember collapsing? ”

“ you stood on the table and told everyone you loved me. ”

“ dear god. love? now i do apologize. must’ve been the whisky. ”

“ if that is rather odd, i’d hate to see very odd. ”

“ he thinks too much. such men are dangerous. ”

“ no-one knows anyone. ”

“ you have great difficulty with approval, don’t you? ”

“ you’d just rather play the renegade. ”

“ there is no time to be unambitious. ”

“ you don’t know who might be listening to you. ”

“ you need to look defeated. ”

“ we don’t want to draw attention to ourselves. ”

“ this is where we split up. ”

“ we’ve been betrayed. ”

“ yes well, vodka does uh, it does make some poor decisions. ”

“ everything i touch… boom, gone! ”

“ my holiday in the sun continues to be eventful. ”

“ what the fuck are we supposed to do now? ”

“ now the blood will flow. ”

#( sentence. )#rp meme #rp starters #sentence starters #sentence meme #tv series #historical #drama #sas rogue heroes

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lonelinessinthemirrordimension · 2 years

Text

In One Universe…

Stephen Strange • She/Her Pronouns • Sorcerer!Reader • ANGST/SFW (for the sake of a good ending) • MoM Spoilers-ish

You simply can’t compete.

Even if she’s now a happily married woman.

Standing alone at a table with no chairs, drink in hand and fixed gaze on her boyfriend at the bar talking seriously with his ex. She felt her chest tighten with jealousy and depression while she watches him smile…and as sick as it is, she felt better when his smile faded.

“So! What’s it like?”

Y/N looks up from her drink confused as the groom of the famous Christine Palmer makes his presence known before her. “Im sorry?”

“What’s it like dating the Doctor Strange? Amazing as it’ll ever be?“

“Oh, yes! But why talk about that when we should be talking about the happy couple” Y/N smiles earning a chuckle out of Charlie. “Feel different yet?”

“Oh not really” Charlie sighs looking toward the two that Y/N has been staring at for a good moment. “I’ve always had her. Not saying marriage confirmed that or “locked it in” but I make her happy and that’s all that matters”

I make her happy

And that’s all that matters

“Hey…where have you been?”

“Nursing a glass of wine while talking it up with some surgeons…” The first part being the only truthful thing. Y/N read the disappointment all over his face, even if she was a tad upset she’d do anything to make him happy.

Stephen instinctively wrapped his free arm around her waist when she stood on her tippy toes to press a kiss to his cheek. Bringing a temporary smile to his face that was soon ruined by the screaming.

“Duty calls” Stephen finishes his drink handing the glass off to the waiter before helping Y/N onto the ledge before removing his cloak from his suit pocket and jumping off with her.

•

“Don’t scare the kid with your words, Stephen” Y/N joins the three at the restaurant as she’s usually left to take care of his messes which included the big shelled octopus creature. “Everything’s account for Wong”

“I wish Stephen cleaned up after himself instead of letting his girlfriend do so” Wong squints and glares at Stephen causing a sigh to escape from him.

“Wait. She’s not your wife?” America suddenly asks catching all three of them off guard. “What? I just told you—“

“That you can travel the multiverse yes. But I don’t see any proof in such.”

The reveal of the other universe’s Stephen’s dead body was unsettling. Y/N regrets a lot of thoughts she had during the wedding after looking at her…variant’s? Stephen? God it was all extremely weird.

“What makes you different from him?” America frowns not trusting the three after her experience with the other Stephen. “How can I trust you not to take my power?”

“You’re just going to have to trust me”

“And if he were to do anything, I’d kick his ass” Y/N whispers to America getting a smile and short laugh from her plus an eye roll from Stephen.

“I’d let her. She has better judgement than the rest of us”

“That’s what he said. Before we separated…”

“What…happened to his Y/N?” His body tensed afraid of what America’s answer will be and shook his head. “Never mind. I…I don’t. Let’s get going to Kamar Taj”

“And what will we do with him?”

While Stephen buried the body, Y/N opened the portal to Kamar Taj letting America through before herself and saw the worry written all over her face.

“You’re safe with us, America.”

“I-I know but I…I have something to do, and I need to be alive and with my power to do it yknow” America laughs nervously with the worry and anxiety pouring out of her.

Before she knew it, she felt Y/N’s gentle hands cradle her face.

“When this mess is over. We’ll help you get grounded with your power and help you with whatever that something is” Y/N didn’t know til later that America was referring to what got her in this multiverse mess, as for the creatures coming after her…that just added onto the stress.

The Scarlet Witch coming to Kamar Taj simply…yeah.

“If you give me the girl, I can send you to a universe where you’ll be with Christine” Wanda smirks quickly turning her attention to Y/N. “Because deep down…who do you truly love, Stephen Strange?”

Stephen caught his words in his throat, maybe they were the right ones or maybe they were wrong, but nothing was said until he snapped back into reality glaring at the witch before him.

“The full might of Kamar Taj stands against you”

As Stephen returns to his post beside Wong, Y/N locks eyes with Wanda for a split second letting a small window open. But suddenly Wanda winces and grew enraged starting her strike on the temple while Y/N quickly ran in to have her eyes on America at all times.

“Leave her. She’s got America along with two masters” Wong snaps at Stephen to stay before he could even think of joining them in the building. “What on earth did she tell you?”

“It’s nothing Wong. We’re at war. Focus on what’s happening”

“If I lose someone close to me, because of something you’re not telling me…you better check yourself Strange”

It was strange…falling through the multiverse, and idiotic for Y/N to push Stephen to catch America causing them to split.

2:1…

Leaving Y/N alone in a universe by herself with zero knowledge on multiverse travel. She only knows as much as Strange does and granted her first thought was this was cruel punishment.

This universe didn’t look much different from theirs. Maybe a little healthier. Y/N quickly tapped the gem on her necklace causing her robes to disappear and turn into more of streetwear that matches the universe she’s in. But her cosmetic relic added another feature to her attire that made her confused.

A wedding ring?

Before Y/N could even explore suddenly a red cloak grabbed her by the collar pulling her into the nearest alleyway. She stumbled back catching herself as the cloak presented itself to her soon laying on the shoulders of its partner.

“Holy shit”

“The ring please” Her variant stands before her holding her hand out as Y/N continues to be confused while removing the ring setting it in her palm. “Now get the fuck out of here”

“I can’t exactly just do that” Y/N laughs. “I’m stuck here until either America harnesses her power or Stephen gets his head on straight”

“You don’t belong here and if I get stuck with you, I might as well ask for my sentence before I do what I’m about to do”

“Your sentence?”

“You’re not the only one to fall into this universe. There’s laws now and rules. To avoid this reality collapsing in on itself” Her variant explains as she felt the cloak squeeze her a bit causing her to sigh instantly. “I know. I can’t just. Okay, we’re getting my husband but I can’t have you looking like that”

“What’s wrong with what I look?”

“Well you’re already me. So I can’t stress enough how bad it is to have another me in the same universe so” She flung the cloak onto Y/N’s shoulders and did a quick changing spell to have it cover her front and add a hood.

Y/N checks herself and glares at Variant!Y/N watching the same glare in return before leading the way.

Only for her variant self to suddenly shove Y/N into the nearest building leading her towards the back.

“Y/N?”

“Nothing to see here Remy”

The store clerk squints at the sorcerer catching a glimpse of the second Y/N. His sighs and quickly turns off the back security camera to let them out.

“I have my sling ring. Why can’t—-“

“Wait. You’ve had it and didn’t use it? You know you’d end up in where you want to be, just in this universe” Her variant snaps and immediately takes Y/N’s sling ring.

“What happened to yours and why do you wear the cloak of levitation? It’s St—-“

“Stephen’s. Yes. Whatever. You’ll find out. JUST GO THE FUCK THROUGH”

“Darling, why are you yelling?”

The two Y/N’s quickly stare at the sorcerer supreme in his maroon colored robes with gold seam work, shoulder length hair in a wolf mullet cut, and with a cleaner goatee…this really isn’t Y/N’s Stephen but the concern on his face and the worry driven body language made her wish it was.

“The Avengers better not find out about this or they’ll have her head”

“Wow that’s grand” Y/N groans stepping through feeling the cloak release from her shoulders as Stephen watches the stress radiate off of her but his main concern was his Y/N.

“Her universe the sapphire gem gives her the ability—-“

“To change her appearance and it adapted to our universe. Taking my ring.” Y/N frowns feeling Stephen’s hands carefully rest on her face wiping away the tears that were caused by the anxiety of losing something that important. “What are we going to do Strange? This isn’t the first time another self of somebody has entered our universe. I can’t…I-I can’t lose you. Or this life”

The reassuring words sounded like music to Y/N’s ears as she watches how gentle Stephen is with her variant and did his best calming her not stopping with his words until she calmed down.

I want to go home…I can’t watch this…I-I don’t have this… Y/N held back the tears the best she could as she formed fists quickly to focus the pain onto the nails she dug into her palms. She crosses her arms as the two parted from each other while cloak fell back on the other Y/N’s shoulders. “Is the cloak your relic here?”

“Ha! No. He’s still paired with Strange just”

“Both of them. We don’t have a lot of time given most multiversal travelers are detected by a variety of things. Magic. AI. Sensors.”

“We just got lucky being stuck in a part of the city where I’m friends with most of the leasers” Y/N reassures her other but she noticed her fists and without a second thought, took her hands into hers squeezing them enough to subside the urge. “The only way into finding where your Stephen and this…America you mentioned earlier, is using the Darkhold. But Mordo destroyed it”

“After he fell to its urges and found his revelation too late, knowing his life would be taken by its destruction”

“Wow. He did good even after—“

“He tried to kill me” Stephen laughs anxiously. “Or me” His Y/N says shortly after.

“…is there a window? For them to find me before the Avengers of your universe find me?”

The silence gave Y/N an answer.

She’ll have to die in order for nothing to harm their universe.

Honestly? She’d let them.

She can’t step in her other’s happiness because she thinks she doesn’t have her own.

Stephen ran through the Illuminati building trying to find America and Christine without the help of his cloak or any signs of where they’ll be. Then suddenly a portal opened as he ran through finding himself in a hallway being shortly met with America and Christine.

“Are you okay?!” Stephen exclaims as he instantly tighten his embrace on America while Christine’s gaze glued to the orange glow fading behind him but saw no sling ring on his finger.

Once the small argument that finally lead to Christine caving in and leading the way to the Book of Vishanti. With a few Scarlet Witch sized bumps along the way leading them to a moment of being in front of the door.

When Christine presented the watch to Stephen he gave it a second look. Then it clicked.

“No…that’s not it. It’s much simpler than that”

“What’s that supposed—-”

“Can you just. Reveal and open the door” America interrupts Christine as her anxiety of the Scarlet Witch breaking in at any moment wasn’t letting up.

The sorcerer reached for the handle and suddenly pulled it off the door revealing a glowing sapphire inside where the handle clicked in. As he sets the handle off to the side to pick up the sapphire on the sterling silver necklace causing the door to open while feeling the weight on his chest grow and the few tears that fell.

He needs to find her…

He can’t live without her

America was the first to yell for their attention while Wanda grabs her by the hair forcing her back. But she was suddenly grabbed in the middle by the familiar gold magic and was ripped away from the child.

“Y/N!” Christine yells making Stephen immediately look at her finding his…his Y/N with shorter hair, more visible scars, and overall an aggressive attitude toward the Scarlet Witch harming a child.

Y/N wore 838’s cloak of levitation now as she drags the witch tossing her to the other side of the platform before descending and rushing to America. Carefully helping her up and checking her for injuries but the pull of Wanda’s magic tossed her into the pillar that held the book.

“You’re always in the way” Wanda snaps at Y/N grabbing America once again and before Stephen could even read the book or try to get America. The witch was three steps ahead shooting toward the three causing the book in hand to burn and the collapse of the sorcerer and scientist beside Y/N.

The three were suddenly tossed through the portal and found themselves in the collapsed reality.

“We need to find—“

“Other you. There’s a possibility even with the incursion” Y/N interrupts and started walking.

Before any light conversation was brought, Christine grabbed Y/N’s arm forcing her back.

“Where have you been?”

“You want to do this now?”

“You disappeared after Stephen died—“

“Executed”

“Killed—-“

“THE ILLUMINATI KILLED MY HUSBAND AND DIDNT BOTHER TO TELL HIS WIFE AND CHILD. DONT YOU DARE BELIEVE THE LIE THEY PUT ON A FUCKING STATUE” Y/N yells enraged pulling her arm away as the cloak tugged at her to keep her from ending Christine. “I don’t give two fucking shits about why you, Christine fucking Palmer, need to get back. That witch took the child that practically has the faith of every universe in her hands and that Stephen needs to get back. And my fucking daughter can’t lose another parent” she snapped finally feeling the cloak wrap itself around her pulling her away to give them space and a big enough moment to calm down before starting their walk again.

“She’s a single mother…”

“Yeah. Quinn…gorgeous little girl with the same fire that our Stephen had. But when he started to use the Darkhold, he…Uhm.” Christine inhales sharply. “He couldn’t stand to look her or Y/N in the eye after promising both of them that he’ll never use it ever again. So when he died, the two disappeared. Now we are here”

Both Y/N and Christine didn’t approve of Stephen using the Darkhold. But there was no other choice and Y/N trusted this Stephen’s judgement. When the souls of the damned erupted out of his body, Y/N tossed the cloak toward Christine to protect her like 838 Stephen always wanted…to protect all of those he loves soon elbowing the glass cabinet ignoring the blood that poured while she set the gauntlet on fire erupting the souls that escaped into flames. She looked at Christine to make sure she was okay, letting her take care of Stephen while she stood by for anything further.

In every universe

He’ll always care for her

But the love of his life?

Has always been her, one way or another

“I hope you know I’m not okay with doing this. Putting a lie detecting spell on you earlier only concerned me with how your reality is” Stephen ran his hand through his hair as he took a deep breath while Y/N kept her gaze to the floor.

“I’m giving you the okay with murdering me to avoid your reality collapsing…trust me, just because I…feel very threatened by another in my universe, doesn’t mean I should inflict those emotions onto my other self while she is happy in hers”

“We’re always the one sacrificing too much and before we do anything…I” Y/N frowns taking one of her hands into hers. “I need you to know…that feeling…the weight of it all will be lifted. Because he always knows to make the right choice”

Before either said another word, suddenly the familiar star shaped portal formed beside them. This universe’s Stephen quickly pulled the two Y/N’s close to his person before readying his shields as America quickly ran out quickly scanning both Y/N’s deciding which one to hug as her Y/N immediately wrapped her arms around her protectively.

“I’m so glad you’re safe…” Y/N sobs holding onto the kid feeling her squeeze her back.

“I’m just lucky you landed in a universe I’ve been before. Not very long…but still. It was easy. I’m happy we found you!” America smiles up at Y/N as she couldn’t help but bring her back into a tight hug.

This universe’s Stephen watches the interaction between the two and felt his Y/N smack him playfully in the chest for knowing exactly what he’s thinking. Stephen suddenly took Y/N’s hand as the two watched a tearful Stephen step through the portal catching his Y/N’s attention expecting her to be upset that it took him so long but all she wanted to do was fall into his embrace.

“Should I cut my hair?” His variant whispers to his Y/N as she gave him a side eye.

“Unless you want me to call you Steve for the rest of your life”

“Right. Well as long as you like it as much as I do. Then I won’t” He smiles and while the happy reunion was nice, their Avengers must’ve picked up on the anomaly since the stark drones hissed over the sanctum.

“Well it was lovely having you all here but I’d rather not watch my Y/N get arrested again by the Avengers” Stephen laughs hearing the gasping agains from their variants and the kid before pushing them through the portal with a force watching it close instantly.

Once the detection was no longer in range by a few multiverses in the way, the two turned to each other once the drones went past. Y/N sighs relieved that her variant was found and she didn’t have to kill the anomaly. Stephen was just grateful that he can kiss his wife finally without any stares from their others or even their Wong on occasion.

Finally back in their own universe, Wong took America to let the two be alone for as long as they needed. Stephen hasn’t stopped crying since they found his Y/N. Even if he was in just two other universes, he’s learned enough of what his counter parts can do to their significant others in a negative way…and well. He knows more than enough.

______

“I’ll let you use the Darkhold if you give me your Chri—…Hm. Or her. She’ll do perfectly”

Stephen turns around to find 838’s Y/N entering the room with hesitation.

“If I didn’t have what I have back in my universe. Well. Who knows what could happen” Y/N played along bringing herself up and close to his sinister self wrapping her arms around his neck.

“See. She complies and so the Darkhold is yours” He smirks unclasping it from himself tossing it to his counterpart.

Before Stephen could say anything about the two, he watched Y/N suddenly head butt his sinister self in the third eye and her cloak suddenly grab him tossing him straight out the window of the sanctum.

“Yknow. I have anger issues and according to my Christine, I’m the only Y/N that does. But I doubt it. So…” Y/N frowns turning to Stephen. “Don’t ever piss her off Strange, because if we’re anything alike. We’ll internalize a lot of what we’re feeling”

•

When America opened the portal back to 838, Y/N suddenly took Stephen’s hand.

“Just five minutes” Y/N frowns watching him nod while America tagged along following her through the portal she made with her sling.

Once the portal closed, Y/N took her cloak off as it instantly shifted into a scarf leading the way to what seems to be a little farm house. As the two followed this Y/N through the house, Stephen noticed the pictures on the wall that held this universe’s Stephen with his daughter before everything went south for them.

“I don’t want to scare you”

“About?” Stephen questions Y/N as the two stopped by the kitchen window to the backyard watching as a little girl chase after two golden retrievers while they fetched for the ball she tossed. “I’m…really sorry about—-“

“Don’t be. I’m only mad at Christine for reasons I shouldn’t be mad at her for. But at my Stephen’s funeral I knew I didn’t want our daughter wrapped up in it all. So I gave up a lot. I gave up my position in the Illuminati, I found a replacement master for the New York Sanctum since Mordo took Sorcerer Supreme, I already was certified in teaching so I became my Quinn’s teacher, and now I’m a farmer that only is a sorcerer when Mordo desperately needs me.” Y/N frowns crossing her arms as she watches Quinn finally get the ball back tossing it again. “We’re all different. Even if we all are quick to give up many things for our Stephens. But with mine, he didn’t just. Drop everything and decide to be executed. Yes I didn’t know for sure that was happening but I remember being woken up to get Quinn to Kamar Taj to keep her safe and that he might not come back from the fight. With tears he made me promise to keep his memory alive with his daughter. To remind her whenever she was sad or anxious that he’s always there even if it’s never physically. Everything in his name is in hers. Or what’s left given that he gave up a lot from his accident. Then when I wear the cloak it’s what it’s intended to be but once it’s removed it becomes whatever Quinn needs. He’s always around one way or another and I know this situation is nothing like yours with your me. But Stephen…” she carefully rests a hand on his shoulder as his gaze never left the field. “If there is anything wrong in your reality with the one that you love, do everything in your power to fix it. Because even if he did believe for a moment that Palmer was his endgame, it was never her to make him realize that she wasn’t.”

As Y/N leaves Stephen to contemplate that with America forming a portal behind them. He watches Y/N carefully wrap the scarf around her daughter’s neck as she beams instantly to her mom being home.

______

In one universe, she is his everything

In one universe, anger didn’t drive her away

In one universe,…

All she wanted was him

“I never…ever want to lose you. I can’t lose you.” Stephen starts, carefully taking her face in his trembling hands feeling her soft ones hold his. “Before what happened, at the wedding, I was angry…that I…that that wasn’t me and I was selfish to let you come to witness my emotions for someone who doesn’t feel the same way just pour at inappropriately….”

His thumbs wipe away the hot tears that spilled from her eyes when he said that. Being gentle as he ever could with his partner before him.

“I know I always have to be the one holding the knife…I’ve been told that twice so it must be true…but I’m not alone. Someone cares for me and loves me even if I’m blind to it most of the time but after all of this I want that to change…I…I’m scared. I’m scared of not doing this right. Of letting someone in. I want to protect you and love you. Without ever making you feel small…” Stephen moved his hands to rest on her waist as she brought hers to rest on his chest feeling him press his forehead against hers. “And I’m already not doing a good job…”

“May I remind you…that all we had to do was talk it out…I-I…” Y/N gripped onto his robes feeling him pull her closer. “I know you love me, and I know I’m just. Jealous and angry about Christine…She’s known you for the longest time and you two have this bond that I think I’ll never have that kind of relationship but…fuck. I…”

“She’s my past. Always will be a part of my life but not in that way. She…honestly never was. Then you. You changed my whole life and I was afraid from the second we became something that I’d lose you to anything and everything”

“You’ll never lose me, Stephen…” Y/N cries bringing her hands to the nape of his neck trying to calm her tears when she just continued anyway. “Please don’t ever lose me Stephen…”

______

“When we went to the wedding…I was heartbroken. Seeing the way he looked at her.” Her variant starts after realizing her counterpart was willing to sacrifice herself just so her variant’s reality can remain safe if her Stephen didn’t find her soon enough. “He told me before we left, that she will always be a part of his life because that is his past and that when he sees her up there…he wouldn’t know how to feel. Because for once, they both have everything they’ve always wanted and it took them this long to realize it wasn’t with the other…and that’s when he promised me that he’d remind me every day how much he loves me. He kept his word. I got…lucky. Yes we have our hiccups. But that’s what love is. It’s not the most healthiest thing in the world and you either work together or apart. Sometimes I need an hour or a day but I would always come back. Same for Stephen. He handles Kamar Taj business alone as his form of “me time” because when he’s not Sorcerer Supreme for a moment…he’s my husband”

“How is this supposed to—-“

“Your Stephen sounds very stuck. In his past. That hopefully this adventure he’s on in the multiverse, it’ll show him how important certain things are. Which includes you”

“I don’t want to lose him…” Y/N frowns bringing her knees to her chest feeling her variant’s hand rest on her back rubbing soothing circles.

“As much as we are from different universes. I can promise to the best of my ability…that you won’t lose him and if he finds you in time, that’s one confirmation out of many”

______

In one universe, their universe, it’s not perfect. They’ve fought. Survived. Sacrificed. Stressed. Worried. Feared. The two experienced it all but never wanted to be apart from the other.

Stephen reminds her every day. Whether that be with tea in the morning with staying in bed a little later than usual, gentle grazes of his finger tips against her skin, holding her from behind while she did her tasks,…the list goes on. Everything he does follows with an I love you and not a day goes by where Y/N feels unloved. That even when her anxiety and doubts get triggered, he’s instantly there to reassure her.

And of course it’s not just him. Y/N gives him everything he needs and always has been. Moments where he simply just needs her in the room, being present. The two reading to themselves in their bed…Y/N being present during his training sessions watching him teach while also helping his student…her simply in his embrace neither of them saying a word just comfortable and safe.

Both say I love you at every hello and goodbye, good morning and good night, be safe and I promise,…

The multiverse left some new scars, but at least they healed together.

In their own universe

#lonelinessinthemirrordimension #doctor strange #stephen strange #doctor strange x reader #stephen strange x reader #I appreciate y’all a lot for enjoying my crack posts. now it’s time for fics

313 notes · View notes

onyondump · 3 months

Text

Just a Touch : Too Fucking Close

Arthur x M!Reader/OC!Karsa Hendriks

CW : NSFW🚨 , Internalized Homophobia, Harsh Language, Violence (a bit)

Summery : Trying to avoid his new closest friend, Arthur found himself even more closer to him tending to his bullet wounds from protecting him in a gang riot

Note : Apologize in advance if this is insensitive or anything 🙏. I abandoned this one for a while cause I lost my brainrot for these babies but I found it after rolling in bed.

Moodboard | First | Second

GRAMMER NOT GOOD, PLEASE DON'T EAT ME

The smell of sanitized alcohol stings Arthur's nose. He's been sitting on a creaking chair for god knows how long with beaded sweat running down his forehead and back.

Curse the wounded man in front of him, why does he have to be at his fucking club when a riot started? Why does he have to join the fight he wasn't even a part of? Why does he have to bother him all the time? Why did he have to be so...close?

The truth is Arthur has been avoiding Karsa for a couple of days now. He found himself a comfortable place in the man's company more than he ever felt then with his brothers after the war. He couldn’t help but think of him even when he went to work, finding himself smiling and longing for the moon to come faster so he could once again relax in the foggy jasmine room.

However a great shame rise within him. A shame was instilled in him by his father when he showed him a drawing of the pretty horse running through the vast field under the colorful rainbow. It made itself known in the knots in his stomach, the shivers down his back and the the loud vicious shouting in his head. It becomes unbearable to ignore the longer his mind spirals out of control with no one to comfort him except the glistening bottle of alcohol.

Two days of silence was enough for Karsa to worry for him and seek him out to the place he worked, Eden's Club. Karsa have heard of the place, particularly from his coworkers and artist friends but the noise wasn't his cup of tea. As luck would have it the day he decided to visit was also the day a small rival gang decided to play big shot and ambush the club.

The small gang has no mercy, blinders and party goers alike were subject to the attack, Karsa was no exception. Thankfully Karsa was once a fighter and was able to take down some of them. As he was about to dispose of one of them his eyes caught the glint of a gun pointed at Arthur's back and like clockwork his body moved in between him and the death sentence.

It was only when the riot ended that Arthur realized Karsa's body was lying on the ground, he panicked, but he managed to transport him back to his apartment after a doctor confirmed his safety. He hasn't woken up though and the thought of Karsa dying seems more painful then what ever shame was piercing his chest before.

The rustle of the sheets pulls Arthur out of his daydream greeted by a half seated Karsa looking worried at him.

"You look like shit! Are you alright?" his hand extend to Arthur whipping the bead of sweat falling from his creased forehead but instead perceiving it as a friendly gesture, Arthur's chest burned hotter then it should be

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!!!" his hoarse voice echoes in Karsa's small apartment. "YOU ALMOST GOT YOURSELF FUCKING KILLED!!! WHY WERE YOU AT MY CLUB??"

The booming shouts pierce to Karsa's head, "Ouch what the hell? Is that a way to speak to a waking patient?"

"ANSWER THE QUESTION!! What were you doing there? You got a date there huh?"

"What? No!! Lower your voice down the neighbors are going to kill me more then this bullet"

With a puff "Why were you at my club Karsa?"

"You were avoiding me, I just wanted to know if you're okay" Arthur’s eyes widens and avoids Karsa's as he feels the deep guilt suffocating him once again.

Silence fell upon them. Arthur’s head spinning trying to find a way to explain his feelings. Men don’t fucking talk about their feelings with one another except this man looking at him was one that heard almost all of his sensitive feelings.

"Did I do something?" Karsa tries to make contact with him again, trying to establish eye contact

Arthur didn't need to say anything, it was clear to Karsa that the man in front of him was uncomfortable with the question. Interpreting it as hatred towards him.

"I'm sorry I got too close last time, i just thought ..." Arthur snapped his head at him finally making eye contact but like a deer in headlights clearly still in thought

Karsa stands up as the blanket keeping his wound hidden slips away from his body exposing his bandaged torso. His figure towers over Arthur, "I understand Arthur, thank you for nursing me back to health, if there isn't anything else you need from me I think you should leave"

"What?" his face snapped once again, as he feel his lungs collapsing hearing those words

"You don't have to tend to me anymore, I can take care of myself" He tries to move to the night stand only for his scar to sting once more "ahh"

"What the bloody hell are you doing you shithead?" Arthur's cursing filled with nothing but worried and as he cradle the injured man, which the man slapped his hand in rejection

"Why did you even save me, if you hate me Arthur?" Karsa cradled himself, not wanting to look at his savior

"Hate?? I don't hate you? "

"If you were mad at me for being too close you can tell me but you ignored me for more then two days? And it doesn't look like you were any busier than any couple of days, so why? I know you're avoiding me "

Rage starts to build inside him, all these emotions staking brick by brick inside him is starting to make him irritated, he would have already wreck the entire apartment. if not for his tired eyes and Karsa's limping body, reminding him of he was always the one that needed his help.

Breathing in the comforting smell of an oil lamp, the stinging smell sanitizing alcohol and the familiar smell of tobacco and jasmine, it somehow cools his nerves. He stepped forward and carefully cradled the injured man from the back to lead him back to his bed, sitting him down from the edge.

Face to face but sight not met, they sit in silence for a while not wanting to face each other or escaping their own head.

"I’m ashamed" Arthur was the first to break the silence, with his hands clutching on itself for dear life into a fist

"Ashamed that I relied on you too much on the shit in my head. Me brother always told me to shut the door on it and here I am every other night telling you all my monsters"

Karsa's hands reach out to him, untangling his fingers and re-tangling them with his. His thumbs rubbed the burnt spot from the cigar a couple of days ago like it just burned today. His head moved forward meeting Arthur's forehead this time neither of them backed away as they matched their breathing with each other.

"sorry, but when you call your feelings monsters its kinda funny"

'oh fuck off" instead of blowing up like usual, Arthur sinks his forehead further leaning on to the man.

"Your tired more then usual.. the bar fight really wore you out?"

"You were too fucking close to dying" Arthur tightens his grip on Karsa's hands "It fucking scared me, if I slept even a second and woken up to you dead I don't think I can take it"

With a chuckle Karsa responded, "That's an intense feeling for a just a friend"

Arthur's body tensed, his grip further tightened. The feeling of suffocating comes back into his lungs. It's a feeling he's accustomed to in the battlefield but there is no war, only a man and somehow worse. On the other hand Karsa cursed himself for even mentioning it, always saying the wrong thing.

"Arthur" Karsa paused, thinking if he could try again it might break the mended bonds but his desire is stronger than his sense. "Do you trust me?"

Arthur could only respond with a low hum, he trusts him.

Forehead slipping away from the other as Karsa’s thick lips pressed against Arthur’s cold cheek. It feels like walking in a tight rope pumped up by adrenaline but afraid of the fall. Karsa's movement was light and slow trying to balance with him.

A jolt was the only reaction Arthur gave, he didn't move and Karsa took it as a sign to continue, kissing the tense man's ear lobes then further down to his sweet neck. Arthur sighs, holding his voice fearing if he gave in to his touch he'd lose all sense of control but it felt too good to pull away.

His hands untangled from Arthur’s, cupping his cheeks, holding his head up gently, meeting his cool colored eyes with his own warm dark ones. Without a word they stay in the safety of Karsa’s apartment with only the light from the oil lamp as lumination. Syncing their breathing,calming their nerves. Under Karsa’s touch he relaxed his tense shoulder, the need for the man’s comforting hums overtaking his shame like the tide finally receded and the knots in his stomach untangled.

Their noses touched, feeling the cool air and appreciating each other's features. Arthur’s eyes soften something he takes as a chance to finally do what he’s been dreaming of doing from the very first time they met. As their lips met their heart stopped a beat, Arthur’s rough stubble graze Karsa’s clean shaven chin. Arthur’s chest burned with desire, wanting more to touch. His own hand slithers to Karsa’s injured torso, rubbing it gently. He deepens the kiss making his mustache rubbed on the dark haired man's nose which he will soon find amusing.

“Achooo! Shit!” Karsa’s sneeze broke their kiss and started Arthur’s familiar booming laughter, much missed from the past two days he was gone “Do you even wash your own mustache?”

“How fookin dare you, I clean them everytime I take a shower. Your just got a sensitive nose”

“Then I guess we should stop this huh?” in turn with the teasing, he stood up pretending to walk out before Arthur stood up facing him

“Maybe we should eh? You kiss like a virgin”

His warm eyes stared at the man, “I am a virgin and I was the one who started the kissing thing since your too scared”. Karsa pushed Arthur to his back on the bed and proceed to climb on top of him continuing their kiss that had been rudely interrupted by his own nose.

All the nerves finally left them leaving them with complete and utter desire for each other. Appreciating every freckles, scars, bumps, skin, bones and flesh. Their hands roam each others bodies like a the coil of mating snake in the wild, untamed ; a hand on a chest, a hand on the hair, lips on neck, lips on lips, a knee on groin.

Soon they starts to grind against each other clinging to any sort of friction to satisfy each other. Grunts and moans exchanged through sloppy kisses as their tongue dance with each other. Releasing themselves of their cloth prison they pump each other’s members with a need, with want. Up and down continuously warming each other to the brink until they release their lust as it stain the cotton duvet.

Heavy breathing echoes in the room with laughter and smiles. The scary waves and booming shouts are seas away from where they are now. Karsa envelopes his arms around Arthurs lanky figure giving security. Arthurs wasn’t used to be the one that’s close to the chest but he’s accepting anything Karsa has to offer.

Peppers of kisses run through the freckled ones shoulders. “So how was that for a virgin?”

Arthur chuckled, “Not the best, i prefer to hire women down at bar for a better hand job”

“Awh what the fook! I thought you liked me” a pout was felt on his neck

Arthur turns his head just a bit go give the younger man a kiss on the forehead. “I do, that's why I’m excusing your horrendous job” They laughed and try to one up each other till Arthur felt a warm sensation down his back.

“Shit! I think I opened my wound Art”

#peaky blinders #peaky blinder #arthur shelby #arthur shelby x reader #arthur shelby x male reader #arthur shelby fanfic #arthur shelby x oc

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stevenspector · 1 year

Text

Happy Moon Knight Thursday! Did y'all like episode 4? I sure did! I especially liked that Steven got to use his knowledge for Egyptian history and mythology! And that we got to see so many cool details and nods to said history and mythology! Which, of course, led me to do another deep dive and research into topics. Have fun with more Moon Knight rambles about the details in episode 4

Starting with: "The Eyes of Horus"

First off, this scene begs the question of just how many times Steven has drawn the eye? Because his movements were smooth and that eye looked great. Now onto the eye of Horus. It stems from the conflict between Horus and his uncle Seth who were rivalling about who would be the successor to the title of "King of Gods" after Seth killed the former King, Osiris; his brother and Horus’ father. It’s one of my favourite stories and I could get into all of it, but I won’t. I'll just say that it’s both very interesting and very entertaining. During their conflict, they had a fight in which Seth took out Horus’ eyes in order to defeat him and make him unable to take the title. Now, this is where it gets interesting for the plot. Horus gets his eyes back with the help of another deity. Who that is tho is up for different interpretations and retellings of the story. Some say it was Hathor who healed him and gave him another pair of eyes. That would be a cool connection since we have met Hathors avatar! And they helped Marc and Khonshu previously. Other retellings on the other hand have Thoth replace his eyes. Thoth himself is known to be associated with the moon which would fit with, well, Moon Knight. We also see an ibis statue in the tomb later on, next to the sarcophagus, which could potentially represent Thoth as well since he is often depicted with an ibis head. In general, the eye of Horus itself represents healing and regenerative properties which is why it was chosen for the shape of the tomb, as Steven states. Additionally, the eye is connected to the moon as well. It is said that one of his eyes represents the moon and the other the sun. So we have another nod to the moon (knight). If you wanna get a nice rundown of the story, I can recommend The History of Egypt Podcast

Secondly: "The Heka Priests and a God™"

Heka was the god of magic and medicine. His most devoted followers often were doctors. In the scene were the Heka priests are introduced however, we also see this drawing on the wall. There’s another god next to them and yes, i did look into who that could be for WAY too long. My conclusion is that it could be Khnum. The only thing not fitting is him being depicted with a disc above his head, yet everything else matches up. Khnum is the god of cataracts, pottery and creativity, but he started out as the guardian of the source of the Nile River. Fun Fact perhaps: The full name of Khufu, a pharao of the fourth dynasty, who commissioned the Great Pyramid of Giza (or at least is widely accepted to have done that) is Khnum-Khufwy or "Khnum is my Protector". Do with that info what you will. And lastly: "The Tomb of Alexander the Great"

In general, I really loved the tomb scene. For one, because of how excited Steven is to see all the relics and then he also finds out it’s the lost tomb of Alexander the Great? That's an interesting twist! Another fun fact perhaps: the tomb and dig site in the show are in the Siwa-Desert which is also where Alexander’s tomb was supposedly found. Egyptian officials claimed to have identified his tomb at the Siwa Oasis in 2021. But from what i’ve read it’s not actually completely confirmed. Alexander having been Ammit’s avatar could even make sense if you look at his life and “accomplishments”. He started and fought many battles and wars, conquered many lands, killed many people and believed he was in the right to do so. It would fit in with what Harrow wants to do. Which is to kill people for a cause he believes to be good and righteous.

So in conclusion: I love Moon Knight and it's details

#moon knight #moon knight rambles #more moon knight rambles #mcu moon knight #so many thoughts #marvel moon knight #moon knight 2022 #moon knight series #i love steven grant so much #steven grant #moon knight thursday #moon knight thoughts

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sexyleon · 1 year

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PLS TELL ME HEADCANONS

I HAVE SO MANY THERE ARE SO MANY!!!!! I'm going to use this ask to talk about what I think happened in the immediate aftermath of Resi 4 tho!!

Okay, first, I don't think Ashley's rescue was covert at all! Leon doesn't just get to jetski to a designated landing spot and fly off into the sunset without the Spanish government getting involved and causing an international incident BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE TOO EASY. It's a very public affair, and while Leon is protected and never really reaches the limelight, Ashley has to publicly defend herself and her father in a media shit show (my zine piece in @relentlesszine is about Ashley coping with this!)

Anyways, after the initial confusion/chaos of American/Spanish officials struggling to find a solution on what to do, Leon and Ashley are rushed to a Spanish hospital once it has been confirmed they were infected by an unknown parasite. They're both in shock, but Leon takes it upon himself to endure the brunt of it: the interrogations, the questionnaires, the stressful explain what happened parts. He's still in fight-or-flight mode, and his only goal is to protect Ashley in any way he can. Eventually, they're to be separated and put into isolation chambers where they will have no contact with the outside world until they've been completely assessed by a team of doctors. Leon doesn't take this well. It's too familiar, it reminds him of when they took Sherry, and he'll be damned if he lets the same thing happen to Ashley. He adamantly refuses until they allow him into the same ward as Ashley (he's not violent about it because he's very aware of the situation they're both in, but he's not exactly nice about it either-- he's not going to let Ashley from his sight until she's in her father's arms). They wind up in separate rooms next to each other.

The ward is the hardest part for Leon. The doctors won't just let Leon stay by Ashley's side since he needs to be evaluated too. They make him lie down, force needles into his arms, take care of him-- which he thinks is a waste of time. They need to focus on Ashley.

He can't sleep. He wants to go home. He wants to take Ashley home. He wants to be anywhere but in this hellhole of a hospital. Every time he closes his eyes it's a different flashback. The villagers, innocent people turned monsters-- people he had to kill, people he lost count of killing. Luis and Mike, watching good people, his friends, die. Ada...God, he doesn't understand why he keeps going back to her. He doesn't understand why he trusted her. Dying is better than dealing with this. He wishes he could ask for morphine, but it'll just be another chance for someone or something to hurt Ashley.

This is how Ashley finds him, sneaking away from her room one night after being repetitively told they can't visit each other. He sits up from his cot when he realises she's there, all the worry in his face turning to relief. He wants nothing more than her safety and happiness.

“Ashley?”

“Sorry Leon, I couldn’t sleep.”

“Me neither.”

He gestures for her to come closer, offering space at the end of his cot for her to sit. They stay like that for a little while, the silence washing over them with the unspoken knowledge of what they'd been through. Leon does not mind the companionship, but can't help to feel guilty about everything that had happened. If he was better, maybe they'd already be home.

“I.... I want to thank you.”

Leon knows he should acknowledge it, he knows he should respond with grace, but the sinking feeling in his heart deepens. He doesn't deserve her thanks. He could've, he should've done better.

He settles on a “don’t mention it” with a wave of his hand, no big deal. He hopes it is enough, he doesn't want to think anymore. He can't look her in the eyes.

“Leon, I—"

“I said don’t.”

It comes out firmer than he means it, and when he looks up at Ashley to apologise it's too late. She’s already crying, ugly sobs filling the room as she gets up to leave.

“I’m sorry I’m such a burden! You should have left me to DIE!" are the only words he gets before she leaves.

Leon feels awful, and he's so so angry. It's not her fault for being kidnapped. It's her fault for being used to control her father. It's not her fault only one man with no info and little help was sent to save her. It's not her fault a sick man destroyed the lives of hundreds of people. None of it was her fault, but he knows nothing he can say right now will change her mind. So he lets her be and lies back down with his nightmares.

Later, after the doctors have done their rounds, he sneaks out to find her. She’s curled up on her cot, the vision of a young girl who has gone through hell. He knows the feeling, he remembers it well.

“Go away.”

“Ashley, I just want to talk,” his voice is soft, resigned.

She hesitates before stretching out a little and sitting up, patting the cot next to her with a tiny "okay."

Leon sits down, the silence once again enveloping them as he works up the courage to speak. The words feel thick in his throat. He never expected to be here again, having this conversation again. It's all a little too much, but he knows it's his responsibility.

“Well?!” Ashley snaps at him. He flinches and looks down at his lap. She's angry too, he figures. Angry, sad, and scared.

“I guess I deserved that,” he frowns, nodding to himself. She's about to say something else when he cuts her off, “Look. I’m sorry for how I spoke to you earlier." Good. An apology is a good start. "We went through a lot. It's a lot," he pauses, the full weight of what has happened on his shoulders, "But we’re here now...Together, and I wouldn’t have it any other way."

It's then that he looks up at her, all the earnestness in his eyes. “You’re not a burden. Without you, we wouldn’t have made it-- I wouldn't have made it." He reaches for her hand, pulling her up so that she can look into his eyes. "None of this is your fault. Krauser and Salazar and Saddler did this, not you," he pauses for a moment, all the emotion welling up in him..

"I am happy you're alive.”

---

LSDJLKSDJFLKSDJLFJS anyways this ended up turning a little fic-ish?????? SORRY lksfjlsjfdslf this is how i think it happened tho and it lives in my mind rent free lsdfjlskdfjlsdfj

Leon loves Ashley the way he loves Sherry and they are trauma bonded for LYFE. He's been through what she's going through and he wants nothing more than to take all the pain away and give her a normal life, the only things he wishes for himself

@thebisexualmandalorian

#resident evil #resident evil 4 #leon kennedy #ashley graham #resi #i just really love them okay #plz no sexyleon

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anxiousunicorn1124 · 3 months

Text

This isn't the end.

12/3/23 It was a Sunday.. some of the details are fuzzy on what happened earlier in the day. I was officially 10 weeks pregnant. I was still spotting a little with some cramping pain that would come every so often but man was it painful. Some time in the late afternoon/early evening I was out with my boyfriend and my mother. We went to cvs, Walmart ,Wendys and was still having pains.

We got home and I was ok for the most part. I was watching a Netflix show called Sex Education and ate my Wendys. At this point, the pain was becoming excruciating. It was like painful ass period cramps but amplified. I had to do breathing exercises to try to calm myself through the pain. I was crying on and off . After some time of going through hell, I decided I was going to try a hot bath. I let my boyfriend know while he was playing Call of Duty.

I got the water running and I go to use the bathroom before getting into the tub when I noticed I was bleeding pretty heavy. Heavier than I previously was and knew to be concerned. As soon as I realized what I was looking at, I started freaking the hell out and crying hysterically. I got myself cleaned up and situated and walked into the living room to tell my boyfriend something I really didn't want to do. I had to go to the hospital. My biggest fear was probably happening to me right now.. a miscarriage.. am I ok? is my baby ok? am I losing my baby? the panic was high.

I felt so sick to my stomach. I grabbed a garbage can and bag to bring with me as I felt like I was going to throw up at anytime. My boyfriend was so worried and stressed. I could see it all over his face. Driving very fast trying to get to emergency at RGH. At this point, the pains I was experiencing were coming in waves. Early in the day ,it was like once or twice an hour to now being 2-5 minutes apart. Later on I found out that miscarriage pains are similar to labor pains. It took about an hour or so before we got called back to get me on a bed.

I was beyond happy to have a bed, laying down was amazeballs. My man has been amazing through it all, all while trying to calm himself and be supportive. Before I laid down, I did go use the restroom. When I did, I noticed something in the toilet and I knew it wasn't a blood clot :(. My gut feeling told me that it was my baby. I didn't lose it just yet cause it wasn't officially confirmed by a doctor, but I was worried. My anxiety was still high as shit because as soon as I got semi- comfy , I threw up my dinner (thank god I brought my garbage can) smh.

I don't remember if I had the IV put in, blood work and urine sample taken before or after I threw up, but I do recall soon after being hooked up to an IV, they finally took me for an ultrasound.

The ultrasound was so awkward. Not the ultrasound itself but the room, the tech.. he barely talked to me, didn't tell me anything about what he saw( might be part of job that they aren't supposed to but not knowing was killing me).. it was just eerily silent. I was worrying, cramping in pain and trying not to freak out. I was starting to grip the bed rail and can feel my fingers getting numb/tingly which happens sometimes in high anxiety. I was so ready to go home.

We get back to the spot my bed was in the hallway and wait for what felt a million hours for a doc to come and tell me what's up. I was texting two of my friends through it all which helped some. Eventually they stopped by and wanted to do a pelvic exam. I forgot for why but at that point ,no one had said anything to me about whether or not I was still pregnant . Once the doc finished the exam, I came right out and asked.. am I still pregnant?

That's when it felt like my world exploded.

My pregnancy was no longer viable. I had miscarried. During the ultrasound there was nothing to see so I feel like I was right when I said I saw something in the toilet. It was me passing my baby:( </3

I lost it as soon as I walked back over to my boyfriend. Our hearts broke that night. so very much. once we got home, I was met outside by my brothers who gave us hugs and condolences. I wasnt expecting that and will be eternally grateful to them for being supportive. the next day I had to go to the ob just to really confirm what we already knew and yup. I lost our little nugget.

the first week was so rough for me . I didn't want to get out of bed, didn't want to cook, clean ..pretty much anything. I was either napping, crying or watching tv. I learned that greys anatomy is not a good comfort show after having a miscarriage. so many pregnant patients, either dying, baby dying, a miscarriage, abortions, or the good- birth, happiness, love, joy.. it was just too much.

I started back on my anxiety and depression meds. I was journaling my feelings and thoughts. I also started seeing a therapist. I already was prior to miscarriage but it helped that I could schedule a sooner appointment. I was doing all the right work I needed to help myself get through this. I know it sounds like im only focusing on me but I was definitely worried about how my boyfriend was handling it all. he stressed clean the first day after and we definitely smoked. over time it got easier everyday.. I still have moments where I cry and feel the loss. seeing reminders, or peoples pregnancy or birth announcements. im being as positive as can be. I started going to the gym again( been slacking the past two weeks but we aren't gonna talk about that haha), lost 4 lbs so far and working on trying again. Ive accepted that what happened isn't my fault. im heartbroken and still grieving but im also happy im alive and will try again. Only thing im really dreading right now is when the due date would have been and when it passes by this year. ugh.

I am sorry this was so long . If you made it this far, thank you for taking the time to read what I felt and experienced. I haven't publicly announced that I had a miscarriage. sometimes people on Facebook will ask or say something in regards to the pregnancy. I usually just send them a private message. it hurts having to be asked about it a lot. im also not ready to directly announcement so I figured I would come here where I was already posting updates. its also somewhere I feel safe to let it all out. Anyone who decides to read it, will read it and those who don't, don't and im okay with that. Before this ends up into a book or something, imma end it here !

#infertility #loss #miscarriage #pregnancy #pregnancy loss #pcosjourney #mental health

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strawberry-lemonade-kisses · 1 year

Text

(1)

Warnings: Su1cide Ideation, Sui1cide attempt, self harm, swearing, depression, anxiety, mentions of blood, Crying.

Minors DNI

Intro, Masterlist, Next Part

Day 1

The ceilings were so high like you were in a cathedral. You looked over the expanse of the ceiling, wondering if you may see a depiction of one of the gods, or maybe a fat little cherub causing mischief among the people. There was nothing, just skylights, and wood paneling. You squinted, catching the early morning sun in your vision.

“Y/N” you sat up straight, ignoring the kink in your neck from sitting like an idiot. Your mother watched you carefully, eyes flicking to the bandages keeping your wrist covered before looking back at your face. “Are you alright? Do you need anything?” The night before had been exhausting, your throat sore from screaming so much, berating your parents, and blaming everyone but yourself for what had transpired in the privacy of the bathroom. You ended up at the hospital until 3 AM, being questioned endlessly about the blood and the mirage of cuts along your body. People were checking in, separating you from your parents, and asking about being hurt by someone else. No, you repeated time and time again, it was you. It was all you.

“No, I’m just tired, ready to get this over with. They said I’d most likely be outpatient so we’ll do this interview and I’ll go home and take a nap” Your mom gave a pinched smile. The bags under her eyes were prevalent, the exhaustion sitting all over her face in a permanent frown. Her eyes were still bloodshot, and watery as she looked you over. Your dad sat silently on her other side staring ahead. He took the brunt of your anger the night before, after a emotional absence through your childhood you were angry, he wasn’t allowed to act like he cared now. You still hadn’t talked to him, choosing to keep a distance so you wouldn’t cause another unnecessary fight.

“the Eto family?” your mother and father stood, looking anxiously as you stood and followed the stocky woman holding a clipboard. She was an older woman, speaking so fast that your exhausted mind was barely keeping up.

“Hello, I’m Dr. Gotouge, one of the leading doctors of Haven Hill. Haven Hill is a Mental health facility, we treat many different people from different backgrounds. We offer many different accommodations and treatments, from group therapy to alcohol-related diseases. We are mainly an inpatient facility but we do outpatient for our less severe cases. If you follow me we will proceed with the examination in this room.” She held open the door of a bland office, with only a desk and 5 chairs. There were no windows, not even a skylight. “We received the paperwork from Valley Hospital, we get a number of our patients from there, they are very good.” Your mom hummed an agreement, your father still silent. You evaluated the woman as you pulled up a chair alongside your mother, away from your father, and closest to the door. In and out, that’s all this was. “Y/N?” she eyed you, examining you. “Can you explain to me what happened last night?” The older woman looked on expectantly, waiting for an elaborate lie about what you had done. But the evidence was obvious, she already knew, you just had to confirm it.

“Last night I was having a panic attack, It was a bad one where I felt like I was going to pass out, so I decided to take a shower. Usually taking really hot showers helps me calm down. It didn’t help, I was still panicking. So, um.” You hesitated, looking at your mom for help. The tears had already welled up in her eyes knowing what you were going to say next. “So in order to get it to stop I broke a razor I had and used it to cut myself. It sometimes helps me refocus. But for some reason it made it worse, so I tried to cut deeper on my stomach, maybe something bigger would help. I don’t know. I was just trying to get the panic attack to stop, I just wanted the pain to stop.” The woman slid a box of tissues across the desk, placing them in front of your mother who sniffled loudly before muttering a thank you.

“Continue please” You looked hesitantly at your mother, her nose shoved in a tissue as your father rubbed her back, soothing circles making a pattern.

“Right, so then I panicked because what did I do? I didn’t even check if I cut, I just threw clothes on and ran upstairs to my sister. There was blood running down my arm and my wrists so I showed her and asked for help. She called my parents and then after fighting with them and cooling off a bit, we went to Valley Hospital. They gave us the information for here.” The doctor was writing as you spoke, pen rushing feverously over the paper. She finally looked up as you finished.

“Y/N. How long have you been self-harming?”

“A couple weeks,” she wrote some more before turning to your parents.

“Did either of you know?” your mother finally looked up from the growing pile of tissues in front of her.

“Yes, She confessed 2 days ago at her birthday party. Before she would just tell us they were cat scratches, which is believable because her cat always scratches her.” The doctor nodded again, her pen scratching menacingly on the page. She was writing your fate on ugly beige paper without even a smile on her face.

“I have a few more questions for the two of you Mr and Mrs. Eto, if you could follow me out I would appreciate it.” She rose to her feet, guiding your parents to the hallway to talk. It seemed like they talked forever, you could watch paint dry by the time they walked back into the room. The solemn look on your parent's faces made you want to cry. This was your fault. If you had just tried a little harder to control your anxiety, tried to meditate more, and taken your medication at exactly the same time, maybe you would have been stable. Maybe you would have been normal. If you were normal and stable, then your parents wouldn’t cry and everything would be okay. But you would never be normal, you would never be okay. This was a disease, one you’ve fought since you were a child, one that has taken control of you for as long as you could remember.

“Alright, let me consult some other staff members so we can decide on a treatment plan for Y/N here. I will be back as soon as I can” Without even sitting down Dr. Gotouge took her notebook and excused herself from the room.

“I’m sorry” You blurted the words before the door had even clicked shut. Your parents both looked at you. “I’m sorry I can’t control myself. I’m sorry for blaming you guys. I’m sorry I'm not normal. I’ll do better. I’m going to try even harder” The tears were unstoppable as you watched both of your parents cry alongside you.

“You don’t- You don’t have to try harder. Your trying enough. I just, we just need you to talk to us more. If you have to spend time here to help you it's only a few days.”

“They said at the hospital I would be inpatient. It’ll be okay. I’m going to get better, I won’t let this happen again. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry” You couldn’t help but apologize, seeing your mother who had been by your side your entire childhood, who did everything for you and sacrificed so much for you. Seeing her break down because of you had hurt much more than you thought it would. Your father was a stoic man, someone you had seen cry less than a handful of times and you don’t think you've ever seen him cry like this. It was a lot, overwhelming. Your mother held your hand tightly as she wiped at her face with her free hand. Your father reached over her to rest a hand on your shoulder.

“I know I wasn’t always here. I know I messed up a lot. But I’m going to change, I’m going to be here for you. I will do better, just focus on yourself and work on what you have to do. Alright? I’m proud of you and all the things you’ve overcome, don’t give up now Y/N, alright? We love you so much” The small speech from your father had your head dropping in shame. You had caused so much pain, there was no choice but to get better, control your anxiety, and control your depression. You had people who cared about you, who would go to bat for you and duel in your honor. You had to do it, for them.

As everyone wiped their faces Dr. Gotouge came back, sitting elegantly in the chair across from you.

“After a long discussion about treatment, we decided that it would be best for Y/N to remain with Haven Hill in our inpatient treatment center. We have a Teen unit one that is co-ed and then gendered units. Suicide attempts are serious matters and I feel that being with others who have gone through similar or different circumstances can be not only eye-opening but also very healing. Trauma bonding is a common way of healing and helping. We have many nurses on our staff that are here to help Y/N develop better coping skills to deal with her anxiety and depression. We need to develop healthier habits to cope instead of hurting ourselves. Mental health is just as serious as physical health and we would like to assist and help heal.” Your parents nodded, your mom's grip tightening around your hand.

“yeah, we would like that. Just for a bit right?”

“at most a week but we can’t legally hold her against her will past three days.” Dr. Gotouge smiled at you. “we’ll give you a bit to say goodbye then I’ll have my head nurse of our teen unit show you around, and take you to your room during your stay with us.” Dr. Gotouge stood again, seeing herself out of the room as you turned to your parents, eyes already watering again.

“I’m going to get better, just wait” You gave them a watery smile, hugging your mom tightly.

“I love you, sweetheart, just get better” She smiled as you pulled back, moving to the side as your father stepped forwards

“Get better little girl, you can do it. I love you. Your siblings love you. Just worry about yourself now” He was sniffling as he embraced you, trying to be strong for himself and your mother.

The hallways were bland as you walked through them, with white walls and white floors. It must have been a nightmare keeping them clean.

“We're going to our teen unit which is right next to the children's unit. You may see the children but there will be little interaction with them, they do their own thing. Many patients we see here come from different backgrounds, some are here to escape a terrible home situation and others are here battling their own diseases and illnesses. Everyone should be returning from dinner right about now. Are you hungry?” You shook your head, the gurgling in your stomach wasn’t from hunger, it was anxiety. Being by yourself with a bunch of strangers. It was terrifying you didn’t even have clean clothes or pajamas to change into, having expected to be an outpatient. You finally looked at the nurse you were following, she was taller long dark braids falling just above her waistline. She had a nice smile as she led you through the winding corridors before stopping in front of a room and turning to you.

“This will be your room. In this unit, every patient has separate rooms with a bathroom. The bathroom doors get locked at lights out which is in another hour. Because it's your first day and dinner just ended there are no other activities for the day, I’ll show you the rec room where you’ll start your morning off and then I’ll let you do what you want.” Her smile never wavered as she talked before walking off, beckoning you to follow. It was just another right at the end of the hall of rooms, a large room with windows all along the wall, across from a nurse's station. They could see through the windows as much as you could see out of it. You shivered at the thought of being watched 24/7. “So this is the rec room where you’ll spend most of your time. Besides individual therapy and meals, you’ll be here. We have 8 other patients in the unit with you some have already gone to bed but you're more than welcome to relax here. Your parents will be dropping off clothes for you in the morning but we have scrubs for you to wear until then in your room.”

“Thank you, Is it okay if I go lay down? It’s been a long day” She nodded a look of sympathy overtaking her features.

“Of course, I can imagine it's been emotionally exhausting for you. The door to your room doesn’t shut we have nurses come to check on you throughout the night in case of any problems, again I’m Nurse Jina don’t hesitate to ask anyone for help if needed. Sleep well Miss Y/N we will see you in the morning.” You wandered back down the hallway to the last room on the right, your new home for the next few days. It was scarcely furnished with a wooden twin-sized bed with the thinnest mattress pad you’ve ever seen, across from a large 6-cubby shelving unit. A wooden desk sat below a frosted window, a small pile of clothes folded neatly in the middle of the desk. Looking to your right there was a typical half bathroom, A sink, and a toilet. You weren’t expecting this much, did people bring stuff with them to decorate? Maybe some knick-knacks? Something to liven it up? Could you maybe get your parents to bring your large Sherpa blanket, the one that provided comfort from anywhere. Would they let you have it? Shaking your head at the thought you moved to change into the scrubs they gave you. The fabric was scratchy, and your hand immediately dropped the clothes back onto the desk as they felt the texture. Sandpaper, they were paper clothes, like sleeping on a blanket of paper. Knocking caught your attention as you turned around.

“Hi Y/N I’m bringing your bedding, have a good night” Placing a stack of fabric on the mattress Jina disappeared out of the room as quickly as she came. You didn’t hesitate to unfold the blanket and set up the pillow. Turning off the light and settling onto the mattress you laid back, finally unraveling for the day. It was the first time you had gotten a chance to yourself. The first time all day you had gotten to think over the events within the past week. Just two days ago you were surrounded by family and friends, celebrating the day of your birth sixteen years ago. The day had gone great until your stomach started turning, surrounded by so many people. The uncomfortable clenching of your chest and the way your breath picked up weren’t hard to mistake. The excitement had thrown you into a panic attack. It was during that panic attack you confessed to your mother about the wounds on your wrist. A muddled apology came out between your tears as she rocked you back and forth, reminding you to breathe with her. Then there was last night. The panic attack wouldn’t seem to stop. You’ve had multiple that lasted hours before, the most exhausting event t live through, and having daily panic attacks had been wearing you down. You couldn’t handle it, it just wouldn’t stop. But then you told your sister, panicked and she immediately sat you down in your room and left you with her boyfriend. He had explained about his own suicide attempt while you were just trying to figure out what was happening, and why it wouldn’t stop. Your breathing was still ragged, mind fuzzy as the panic and need to go became overwhelming. Then there was the fight, you couldn’t even think about it, the words you had said in anger, the hurt both of your parents displayed before your mother told you to leave. It was an exhausting 24 hours and you were glad to finally be able to sleep in peace.

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