#and i honestly cannot find as much online that's Academic as i thought | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sophieinwonderland · 2 months

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H-hey,,, i-i'm on anon because this is very e-embarassing to ask for... b-but i found this v-very long post basically fakeclaiming a lot of systems online and claiming that being plural is a trend. T-they also said that pluralkit is anti-recovery and a bunch of other stuff. I-i feel destroyed inside and I know i should not care about haters that much, b-but i was wondering if you can respond to the post in some way, by debunking it i-or maybe just saying that it is not valid. I-i understand if you cannot do this and i wouldn't be mad at you, i just thought that i might try. /gen

This is the post: https://www.tumblr.com/nbhdsc4ss/742946435586277376/im-tired-of-this-boom-of-plural-trend?source=share

Yikes! That's such a terrible post!

Alright, let's go over this.

First, just another reminder that if 1.5% of people have DID as is estimated, over a hundred-million people in the world should have the disorder.

Just on this alone, I find fad claims to be nonsense. We aren't actually seeing anywhere near the numbers of people with DID online who should have it. And that's without touching other forms of multiplicity.

This is an incredibly unhealthy outlook.

A system shares their life. The life doesn't belong to any single headmate. Hosts can change over time. And many systems don't really have a true "core." The very concept of the core is largely outdated.

What?

I think this post is killing my neurons! I can feel my brain cells dying as we speak! 🙄

Anyway, just in case anyone was worried this might be true. It's not. I don't know what they're talking about. There's nothing about switching killing neurons anywhere.

As far as I can tell, any association with cerebral palsy is also made up.

Honestly, I could spend eons unpacking the misinformation in this paragraph alone.

I made this blog back in 2021.

The Plural Association was founded in 2020.

"Endogenic system" was coined in 2014.

The Natural Multiples movement dates back to the 90s.

And "system" has been in the vocabular of all these groups since even the beginning.

And while it's not quite a medical term, it does at least originate in medical contexts. The only difference is that the plural community uses it as an identity label for plurals while most academic sources refer to a personality system as something everyone has, with the personality system of multiples being composed of dissociated parts. (Sometimes called "subsystems" in DID literature to denote alters being personality systems within personality systems.)

Words make communication easier.

Calling a headmate an "introject" is easier that referring to them as a headmate based on a source.

Also, blurring and blending generally mean that multiple headmates are, well, blending together. It's hard to know who is fronting because there are multiple headmates who feel like they're mixing, and it makes it confusing.

But another reason for not knowing who is fronting could be a sort of autopilot like in DPDR. Differentiating between these experiences is useful.

Wait... Affection between alters is anti-recovery?

You know, this really puts the earlier lines about non-host alters stealing the life of the host into perspective.

Not only does this draw a picture of an adversarial relationship between alters, but they're treating that adversarial relationship as being good for recovering, and feeling affection for them as a bad thing.

This is possibly the most harmful take I've ever seen.

As for the rest of it, subsystems (as we use the term) are just headmates more closely linked. I've never heard anyone phrase it as an alter having DID. But I guess I can see the parallel. And again, splits and switches don't damage braincells. Having a bigger system isn't going to make the "days of the body count down."

Wait... weren't you just claiming switching literally kills neurons? I mean, I agree that alters can't permanently die (under normal circumstances) but this feels kinda contradictory.

As for having different disorders, this depends a lot on the disorder. By and large, I believe any condition that can be psychogenic can be experienced by some alters and not others.

But what conditions could be psychogenic would probably surprise you. Look at the woman who had some blind alters and some sighted alters.

Polyfragmented systems were traditionally systems with upwards of 100 alters. (And "highly complex" isn't a medical term.)

And again, splitting and switching doesn't kill neurons. Having a bunch of alters isn't going to kill you! Nor will it allow your rights to be stripped and get you forcefully institutionalized against your will so you can be studied like a lab rat!

Why would you just assume the doctors are misdiagnosing you though?

I mean, typically, DID is incorrectly diagnosed as other disorders far more often than you have people be incorrectly diagnosed with DID.

Again, there's this disturbing emphasis on the alters existing for the host and being bad for wanting things of their own, which bring back to mind their assertion that affection between alters is anti-recovery.

And I just... feel really bad for the other alters in this system. This is just so... sad...

If they're not real kids, then what's wrong with them being on the internet?

I mean, yeah, all alters need pronouns. If any identify as a different gender, it's important to have pronouns for them so you know what to refer to them by. Why is this controversial? 🤷‍♀️

And what does the part about alters becoming useless mean?

Talk therapy isn't magic. Yes, it can help to speak to a professional, but I don't understand the view that it's impossible to fuse without seeing a therapist.

Oh, and the line about how "knowing things about another alter is impossible" is nonsense too. Most DID systems don't have total amnesia all the time every time they switch. And many who do experience amnesia can still communicate. They can learn about their alters by asking. And even ones who don't communicate internally can learn to communicate through notes and text!

...

Yeah... this post is just... so... so... SO bad. In every way! Just mountains upon mountains of harmful takes and misinformation!

#syscourse #pro endogenic #pro endo #psychiatry #psychology #multiplicity #sysblr #system #systems #system discourse #actually a system

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early20sfailingplenty · 9 months

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I was genuinely brave today and I wanna tell the Sinclairs about it but I can't so I'm telling all of you🥹🥹🥹

Okay so yesterday when I was grocery shopping, my work senior texted me to ask if I wanted to drop one of my shifts so I would have more time for uni. That WOULD help me out BUT financially I cannot afford to lose £2-300 a month. It was just sprung on me and instead of making a snap decision I asked if I could have time to think on it and promised to tell her my decision tomorrow (today). So I think on it, I got upset and angry (still haven't quite figured out yet why I got defensive but I think it's because the way she asked me, made me feel like she was saying I'm incapable of working four days a week and doing a degree. That's NOT what she was saying, but that was my snap emotional response. Obviously I didn't act on it and just asked her for thinking time). I do all my numbers once I'm home and yes, I canNOT afford to lose that money but yes it would help me academically. So time or money, which is it?? I picked money, I had to. Mum agreed, dad disapproved last night but this morning told me he agreed with me. So, fine, it's decided. So then today, I go into work, and half hour before the end of my shift, my work senior comes up to me and says, are you ready? I say yes, we find a quiet room.

HERE'S WHERE I WAS BRAVE.

Okay so she asked me again if I wanted to drop a shift to make uni easy on me and I said no thank you, financially I can't afford it but also I just REALLY love my job and I wanna stay on my four days a week. I didn't hesitate, and I didn't hold back. I was truthful and honest and I was as polite as possible given how angry I was yesterday. She then said that she loves having me on her team and doesn't want me to lose any hours either but she's just thinking about me and my mental health because she doesn't want to find out that I've been awake for 32 hours between work and uni EVER again because I'm one of her girls and if that's happening then she isn't doing her job to take care of us properly. So then I pulled out my notebook and showed her what needs to be revised between now and October and what this year will be like (see below pictures. This is the PREP WORK alongside learning an entire computer software programme we will use regularly AND six online labs to complete).

And she sat and thought for a moment because I refuse to compromise on my job not only because I'm stubborn but also because I just genuinely can't afford losing that kinda money and then she asked for all of my assignment deadline dates, all my lecture dates, etc etc and I gave them to her (I don't have lecture dates or group project dates yet because I get them in mid September) and she wrote them in her diary and said that she's gonna make sure that I have at least two days off in a row for all of those weeks so I can fully concentrate on my assignments and she asked that when I get the other info, that I give them to her so she can pencil me in as needing a day off. She also said that when I get my textbooks and the platform opens up, to bring my laptop into work and she's gonna sit down with me and work out a day by day plan for the first week and then I can copy that for all the other weeks so that I have time for my job AND uni AND free time without sacrificing one or the other.

I'm so so happy, I was expecting to be forced to give up one shift a week and I expected to be forced into what I didn't want but she listened and was so lovely and accommodating and good to me.😭😭😭 AND THEN SHE DROVE ME HOME BECAUSE MY KNEE STILL ISN'T FULLY HEALED BUT IT ALMOST IS😭😭😭😭😭honestly she was so kind it genuinely stunned me and I feel like I'm waiting for the shoe to drop...

And I just.... Proud Sinclairs because I'm getting braver and more vocal and confident???? Please have I earned Bo's smirk and Vincent's approving "mmf" and Lester's sunshine smile???😭😭😭😭

I'm getting so much braver now and saying no more often and pushing back and finding the spine my abusers took from me almost a decade ago. I'm doing it I'm doing itttt and now I just gotta keep good on my promise and make it work and not lose myself in the process...

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whisperingintoavoid · 18 days

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Bₗₒg ₄₋₁₃₋₂₀₂₄

I have decided to make my post pretty sometimes, as a treat. I cannot promise that I will always do this, but I'm feelin' pretty alright right now and I feel like doing it, so I'm doing it!

I think I'm not going to hold myself to any standard with this blog aside from my tags to help my future self find past entries. The main thing I want this blog to be is an outlet. I don't want to end up avoiding posting here because I don't feel up to making the post look or sound good, ya know?

Anyway, I don't know if I have much to write about today. At least, what I feel like writing about.

I went to Nashville with my boyfriend a few weeks ago to meet his parents for the first time. I have mixed feelings about it. They're lovely people and I especially like his mom.

But I noticed that during the whole trip, he was masking in front of them. And at the end of the day, when we were alone in our room, he seemed exhausted from having to put up that front of being "normal" all day. And that just really sucks. It honestly hurt. It hurt me to see that because I love him. I love him so much. I love who he is, I love that he's kinda quirky and weird. I love his interests and how he infodumps and the way he paces constantly when he talks. But he felt like he had to hide that from his parents and that makes me so sad.

I wish they loved him the way I love him; unconditionally.

There's a whole other complicated situation regarding him and his parents and I have my own feelings about that, but I don't feel at liberty to write about it here. I feel like it's more his business than mine, so I won't write about it out of respect for his privacy. But suffice to say, I feel for him. My heart hurts for what he's going through.

On a brighter note, I just took my official GED social studies test and passed! I took it on Thursday and found I passed about 10-15 minutes after I finished. This was my first time taking an official GED test!

There are four tests you have to take to get your GED. Social studies, science, math, and reading. So I'm one quarter of the way to getting my GED! This is the closest I've ever been and I'm honestly so proud of myself. I can hardly believe it, to be honest.

High school was extremely hard for me. I was battling extreme academic anxiety, depression, and had undiagnosed ADHD. School was unbearable for me. I dreaded waking up everyday, just the thought of opening my backpack to start homework was enough to send me into an anxiety attack, I openly talked about wanting to kill myself every single day.

My grades were only good enough to scrape me by. In some classes, I even outright failed. Namely, chemistry and algebra in 10th grade. Math was always my hardest subject. It just never clicked with me. I didn't pay attention in most of my classes. I never really did projects or papers. The only class I thrived in was English. I've always been good with reading and writing and I've always been proud of that. I was also pretty okay at Spanish. Lowest grade I ever got in that class was probably a C.

Anyway, I was also attending a dual high school/college program from 9th-10th grade. We took real college classes alongside our high school ones and earned college credits. When we graduated, we also earned an Associate's Degree.

I dropped out after 10th grade; the pressure was too much. The anxiety was too much. I felt like I could never breathe.

After I dropped out, I enrolled in an online school instead. I thought that, if I didn't have to wake up at a certain time and get ready and go to a physical place and interact with people all day, that maybe that would help.

It didn't.

Still, the thought of even opening the laptop and logging into class would hit me with a wave of anxiety that would make me nauseous. I was always avoiding school.

When you're in an online school, you need to log in a minimum amount of hours in the school year to be able to pass and continue to the next grade, regardless of how well you're doing. At some point toward the end of the school year, my mother got a call from my school, telling her that I hadn't logged in enough during the year and that there wasn't enough time left in the school year for me to make up the time - I got expelled.

So I had to repeat my junior year. 11th grade, I tried a new online school.

To be honest with you, I don't think I would've passed that year either. I still barely logged in. Still barely did my work.

But it never got that far because the school I was attending was literally shut down in the middle of the year.

So... I was kind of just left floating. I could either put myself through more personal hell by enrolling in a fourth school, or I could just call it quits and get my GED instead. I was 17 going on 18 at this point.

School was torment for me. I knew what I was going to do.

But, unfortunately for me, I was an anomaly that no one knew what to do with. When I turned 18, I started trying to get my GED. Well, I was aiming to take the HiSet test, but it's basically the same thing. However, in order to be able to get your high school equivalency, the state needs proof that you dropped out of high school. You're not legally allowed to have a high school diploma and a high school equivalency and the state is very strict about this. I don't know why anyone would go through the trouble of getting a GED if they already have a high school diploma (seriously, it's a HASSLE trying to get this fucking thing) and I don't know why it would even matter if someone did. Regardless, they're extremely strict about this rule. However, because my school shut down and literally did not exist anymore, I couldn't contact anyone to get official paperwork saying that I dropped out.

Eventually, I just had to write something myself explaining the situation.

But that wasn't the only hurdle! Of course it wasn't! Because this is my life we're talking about!

Whenever I would go online to try to schedule my test, the website would give me an error and tell me that I wasn't old enough to take the fucking test!!!!!!!!

This was something that could not be bypassed!

I tried. I fucking TRIED to get my GED when I was 18 fucking years old. I wanted to. I tried to. But time after time, I was a victim of circumstance.

Do you understand how it feels to know that the world views you as lazy and unintelligent and aloof when you know that isn't true? It feels like having a labelled stamped on your forehead and no one takes the time to listen to what you have to say to explain yourself after they read what you are. You get shoved in with a group of people that are looked down upon, that are considered less than. It feels like screaming at a brick wall.

So now I'm 23, going on 24, and I passed my first quarter of the GED test.

So much has happened in my life that has taken my attention away from education. And really, I just felt like it wasn't for me. My brain didn't work the right way. I'm not compatible with the way school works.

I think I'm starting to feel differently now that I'm medicated. I'm not certain. I'm still very hesitant about it because of the fact that school was my own personal hell for so long and I wish I were exaggerating. But I've been going to math classes twice a week to study for the math quarter of the test and surprisingly I'm the student in the class that the teacher has to say "Let someone else answer," to. Almost everything just clicks and makes sense? I don't know why math is suddenly kind of easy for me. I fear even saying that out loud because I might jinx it.

Math used to feel like reading a language I'd never seen before. But it doesn't feel like that anymore and I don't know why. It's actually kind of scary? I'm scared I'll lose it.

Anyway, I have two more tests scheduled already. Science and reading. I'm not worried about reading, I could pass that in my sleep. I didn't even bother taking the practice test. Science I was worried about initially, but apparently it's the test with the highest passing rate, and I did really well on the practice test, so I shouldn't have anything to worry about, really.

I'm gonna walk that fuckin' stage in July if it kills me! '24, baby!

#blog #online diary #april 2024

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ajbaaron · 2 years

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What is Social Media? (WK1)

The questions I’d like you to answer in your first blog post are:

How would YOU define social media (it’s fine if you do not agree with the textbook)?

I would define social media in one of two ways, first I look at it as the online hangout space. You can talk to anyone, any day. If I make friends with someone, I don’t need their personal information immediately. I can use the direct message tool whenever I need to contact the people I work with. Furthermore, whenever you want to rant about the design of a product, or speak about something more profound and serious, you always have the chance to do exactly that through social media. The second way I look at social media is that it comes across as a digital newspaper, all of your news on one network. Twitter, TikTok, and YouTube alone post all daily events to keep everyone aware and up to date on current events across the country and the entire globe.

How would you characterize yourself as a social media user?

Honestly, I’m not sure. I maintain a community of friends through my socials, and it usually comprises in video editing or gaming. If I am not streaming video games on Twitch, I am editing content and posting it across multiple social platforms to gain audiences who may find my work appealing. Though I cannot describe it in just one word, or a pair of words; I think a fair way to properly characterize myself would be as such: a standard user trying to grow his own brand.

What do you consider to be your strengths in your understanding of social media? What are your challenges?

I found my strengths in the fact that I understand how social media works. While my perspective may seem vague, my outlook is based on the fact that I am an aspiring video editor. I know what each community and space likes, and I know how to create content specifically designed to cater to such spaces and communities. I accept and see the logical lines of what is against the terms of service, and what is not. I also can modify the algorithm system to further influence my brand on said platform. My challenges are difficult to weed out, but if I had to point at something specific, it is the consistency of how much one should post. I struggle with that, alongside my academic responsibilities, and my goal of building a brand sometimes clash with one another.

What is it that YOU want to get out of this class and beyond (related to social media)?

Truthfully, I am just trying to grow my barebones knowledge of social media and it’s capabilities. I saw this course and thought about how it could be an enlightening experience and learning process. I also believe it could benefit me greatly down the road, especially in my preferred line of work where social media is a must-have in today’s society.

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flyingkiki · 3 years

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We played dangerously (1/?)

Because we need more stories that show us just how much of a dirty boi Timbo is. The more smtty #TimRae the better. So excited for this story and delve heavily into their drama and dirty deeds. Strap yourselves in, bbs. it's a steamy one.

The history between them ran deep and long, mostly unspoken, messy, and painfully raw. Years later, here they are - older and carrying just a little bit more baggage than necessary. Tim and Raven reflect on their dangerous history and sift through the extra baggage they acquired.

~~~~

“You’re quitting?”

Raven frowned and crossed her arms defensively. She steeled herself as Red Robin stared at her, a look of total disbelief on his face as he processed what she just told him. She ignored how a heavy feeling settled low in her stomach.

“I’m taking a sabbatical,” she said levelly.

“For an undefined period of time,” continued Tim, his voice strained as he drew his eyebrows together trying to process what he just heard five minutes ago. “That sounds like quitting to me,”

She pressed her lips together as she tried to ignore the harsh press of Tim’s emotions against her. She watched him stare at her from across the briefing room, the sound of their computer working on data broke the heavy silence between them. “It’s my life, of course it’s indefinite,”

Tim blinked and followed her stance, crossing his arms as he studied her intently. “I’m not trying to take control of your life, Raven,” he bristled.

Raven tilted her head in challenge. For whatever reason she felt annoyance crawl under her skin. “It sounds like you are,”

“I’m not,” Tim pressed, sighing loudly. With a huff he pulled off his mask and threw it on the briefing table. Raven watched it slide on the flat surface before looking back up at Tim’s confused blue eyes. “Look, I don’t want to fight. You can do whatever you want, Raven. You’re right, it’s your life. I’m sorry if I sounded controlling,”

Raven hummed in acknowledgement. She knew he meant well. She knew Tim well enough that he wanted to understand the situation at hand. She shifted under his gaze and ignored how her stomach gnawed painfully. “When are you leaving?” Tim asked, his tone softer as he slid into the seat across from her. Raven watched him grab his mask and fiddle with it absently. The atmosphere shifted and her stomach churned painfully.

“In two weeks,” Raven replied and sat down in front of him. She watched Tim press his lips together and frown at the news. “I got into a special program. School starts early in August,”

Tim swallowed and threw her a torn look. “I’m glad you’re going off to university,” he began. He paused to inhale as he tried to think. “And this is not something you could do, like part-time online or something?”

Raven frowned at the way he tried to find ways to make her stay. “No,” she said. “Our work is a tight schedule as it is,”

Tim nodded in agreement. He gave a halfhearted smile. “At least I tried,”

Her stomach lurched without her consent and she ignored the jumble of emotions in the room. Her decision was final. This conversation made the move incredibly real. Pain settled low in her stomach. She needed to pack and get things going. “I want a life outside of the Titans, Tim,” she said. “Most of you have lives outside of the Tower. Gar does his stupid acting. Jaime has his family and volunteer work. You run WE, Tim. You all get to do something outside of our uniform. I just want something as close to normal as I can get, whatever that is for Rachel Roth, even if it’s just for a while.”

Tim sighed. The tension was palpable as Tim frowned. His brows furrowed and he nodded. “Yeah, I respect that, Rae,” he said, voice low. Running his hand through his hair, Tim leaned back into his chair with a huff. “Yeah, okay. Yeah,” he breathed and looked deep in thought. She felt the faint press of his carefully controlled emotions. “We’ll make some preparations for your transition and make sure that everything is in order. I’ll let the Justice League know,”

There was a beat of silence between them. Raven was surprised how methodological the conversation was. Then again, was she really expecting an argument for her to stay? There was an inexplicable pin-like pain in her chest she could not shake off. Wasn’t this what she wanted? Sighing softly, she assumed their conversation was done and stood up. Tim probably had to file a report to the JL. She had to pack up and get going with her life – they all did. Raven swallowed a thought.

“Well, thanks,” she said and turned to leave the room. She heard Tim stand up.

“Hey,” Tim called, voice slightly strained. Raven paused and turned back around, eyeing him curiously. Tim swallowed and his brows pressed together and there was a cautious look on his face. “This is not about –”

“No,” Raven cut him off sharply. “It’s not.”

Tim sighed and his shoulders lowered slightly. He caught her blue eyes and Raven watched an expression she cannot quite place cross his face. He offered her a tentative smile and nodded, his brows still furrowed and still looking torn. “Okay,” he breathed. “Yeah, good.” He paused before continuing. “We’ll tell the team after dinner tonight.”

Raven nodded. Her stomach felt heavy, she had enough of this conversation. It was done. “I’m going to start packing up stuff,” she said and made her way towards the door.

“Everyone’s going to miss you, Raven,” Tim said as she opened the door.

She paused at the door, hand resting at the metal doorframe. Her finger tapped the frame thoughtfully as a few stray thoughts ran through her mind, before turning to look over her shoulder, catching Tim’s piercing blue eyes. She sent him a tight smile and buried whatever errant emotions tickled her heart. “Yeah, I’ll miss everyone too. I’ll be back soon, I promise.”

She did not come back anytime soon.

Tim forgot when he was last in the Gotham Public Library – perhaps back when he was still in high school, 11 years ago? He wasn’t all too sure. His high school memories were blurry, given how his vigilante life was far more exciting than high school calculus.

But he was sure that the Gotham Public Library did not look this modern or dazzling since he last stepped into it when he was 15. The large library atrium was cleared out from its usual chairs and tables and instead filled with cocktail tables, round tables with sparkling black and gold table settings, buffet tables lined the walls, upbeat jazz music and heavy conversations filled the usual quiet halls, and every single one of the Gotham’s elite was dressed to the nines.

It was a charity dinner with plates going for the thousands. There was a silent auction too, some collectors’ books were up for grabs. The library was launching a new exhibit with some new codex they found out of Gotham. Wayne Foundation was funding most of the research and restoration work that went with it, and tonight’s event was supposed to help cover costs for the library’s expansion projects.

He idly listened to some politicians talk to Bruce and his siblings, Damian and Cass. Jason had moseyed off somewhere (likely browsing through the bookshelves or bidding on some of the collectibles in the silent auction) – lucky for the asshole. Tim wasn’t really paying attention. There was a lot going on, Tim barely kept up if he was being honest. A business merger was keeping his mind preoccupied, he was flying out to Japan tomorrow morning, and tonight’s dinner was the last place he honestly wanted to be at – but press as CEO of WE was important, Bruce liked to constantly remind him.

“So I was saying to him, ‘Johnny, son, if you don’t pull your pants up, that’s gonna be a lawsuit waiting to happen,’,” said the old man, assistant city treasurer – or whatever – to their small group. The old man heartily laughed, wheezing into his champagne glass. Bruce looked like he just swallowed bad caviar and cleared his throat while Damian and Cass made no effort to hide their bewildered faces. Tim sighed.

“Well, it does sound like a lawsuit waiting to happen, Mr. Peters,” Tim absently fiddled with his scotch glass and wondered if he should get anything stronger to get him through the night.

The man made a wounded sound and said something before slinking off. Bruce and Tim shared an exasperated look. Damian clicked his tongue, absently tapping his glass of orange juice. “This party is terrible, father,” he sniffed and icily scanned the crowd. “May we leave early?”

Bruce eyed his teenage son blandly. “We came here together, we leave together,” he said.

“Tt,” Damian frowned and took a sip from his orange juice.

Tim glanced at Damian, mildly feeling sorry for the 16-year-old gremlin. He remembered how he felt over these galas when he was younger. Internally grimacing at the galas when he first became CEO back when he was 17, Tim hid his displeasure behind his scotch glass while taking a sip.

They milled around more, talking to investors and guests from Gotham’s elite and academe. Tim smiled politely and held conversations where necessary, idly wondering when the night would be over. The crowd soon gathered in the middle of the atrium at the soft chime of a bell, signaling the start of another round of speeches from the library. Tim and his siblings slowly followed Bruce and the rest of the crowd towards the atrium. Tim caught Damian and Cass sharing bored glances.

“We’d like to thank everyone for being with us tonight,” said the Gotham Public Library Head Librarian, a well-dressed elderly man. The man went on with library expansion updates and the latest figures on tonight funds that were raised. Tim barely listed as he checked his phone for his flight details Tam sent him earlier. Ignoring the polite applause that filled the room, Tim continued to discreetly scroll through his itinerary.

“Tonight we’re also delighted to announce the opening of our exhibit, the Life Codex: Ancient Celebrations of Life. The library is honored to house this latest discovery and carry out the research, restoration, and preservation work of these recent discoveries,” the librarian droned on about ancient documents and the restoration work involved. Tim felt Cass nudge him and he blinked, looking up from his briefer. He stared at her quizzically.

“Attention,” she whispered. Tim offered her a sheepish look and pocketed his phone. They both turned their attention back to the stage. He caught sight of Jason’s large built shuffle in next to them, looking utterly bored. Since Jason was ‘legally alive’ again, they had roped him into attending a few events once in a while – much to the older man’s displeasure.

Mr. Tompkins, the Head Librarian, went on to discuss the project details that had gone underway since last month. Documents from Africa had been flown in and the research team had been working on restoring paper and decoding the codex. Tim barely listened as the elderly man droned on and silently wondered if he could still catch some sleep before his flight in the morning. His phone vibrated and he pointedly ignored Cass' look as he pulled out his phone to check an update from Tam.

"Doctor Collins, Dean of Gotham University's history and anthropology department is leading this project and she has built an excellent team for this project. Doctor Collins?" The head librarian welcomed an elderly woman with salt and pepper hair up on stage. Tim drowned out the speech as Dr. Collins started talking about the project, briefly looking at his phone and going through the project document for tomorrow's meeting with the Japanese tech firm. Tim wondered if he could at least get some good sushi while in Tokyo. Perhaps he could ask Tam to squeeze that into his schedule, they could --

"Hey, isn't that…" Jason paused and squinted at the stage. "Huh."

"Tim, look,"

Tim closed his phone and glanced at Cass curiously before turning his attention to the stage. Tim stopped short at what he saw.

Dressed in a flowing halter gown with a modest v-neck and a teasingly stylish slit up her right leg, a strikingly familiar woman walked up on the small platform offering the crowd a tentative smile and a modest wave. Tim watched the small woman carefully shuffle across the platform as a few more members of the research team were introduced. He blinked and stared at the violet-black haired woman and felt his throat tighten.

As if sensing his stare, dark blue eyes caught his light blue ones from across the hall. They zeroed in on him, easily catching him in a sea of hundreds.

There was an inexplicable tightness that seized his chest briefly, as Tim stared back at the woman, watching transfixed as emotions flickered across her face before quickly slipping back into a small pleasant smile and keeping her gaze briefly at him before turning to her colleagues and chuckling at something they were whispering to each other on stage. Tim watched and stared at her, schooling the surprise on his face, and just drinking in every familiar slopes and planes of her face because it had been what? Five? Six? Years since he last saw her.

"That's -"

"Rachel," Tim cut off Cass, blinking away his brief surprise and instead stared intently at his (former?) teammate.

"Rachel Roth leads our research team. Is there anything you'd like to say, dear?" Dr. Collins asked, turning to the group on stage. Rachel looked surprised before shaking her head and waving her hand in decline. "Ms. Roth does excellent work in ancient runes and languages, and restoration work. It's a pleasure to have her on the team. She's a guest lecturer at Gotham U, so if you're lucky, you best sign up for her special lecture series on ancient runes."

Tim watched as Rachel blushed at the praise, ducking her head briefly before chuckling at something a blonde haired woman next to her said. The group on stage shared a laugh and Tim watched curiously at the familiar sight of Raven smiling. There were few more pleasantries on stage before the group had their photo taken

“If we could invite Mr. Bruce Wayne, Mr. Lucius Fox, and Mr. Tim Wayne, to come up on stage for a quick photo with the rest of the team? After which we can proceed with our evening, and hopefully get your support in our library’s expansion work,” the head librarian called.

Tim blinked as Cass nudged him and pulled him out of his thoughts. Clearing his throat, he handed Cass his drink and quickly walked up the stage, following Bruce and Lucius up the small steps. Pulling on his practiced Tim Wayne-CEO-of-WE-smile, he dutifully shook hands with Dr. Collins and the head librarian. He briefly caught Raven’s stare as he moved across the stage to shake hands with people on the stage. Their gaze briefly met and her lips quirked into a small smile before quickly turning away and shuffling to the end of the line and out of reach for any other contact without attracting too much attention on them. Photos were taken swiftly and before Tim knew it everyone was ushered off the stage and he was wrapped up in a rather lengthy conversation on library work and the ongoing renovation projects.

Tim discreetly tried to look over his shoulder, barely catching a glimpse of the familiar slope of Raven’s shoulder disappearing into the crowd.

“Bruce Wayne,” Dr. Collins walked up to them just as the head librarian excused himself. The elderly woman beamed and quickly shook Bruce’s hand.

“Julia, it’s nice to see you again,” Bruce smiled warmly. “You know my son, Tim,”

Tim smiled and shook her hand. “Dr. Collins, it’s a pleasure to meet you,” he said, easily pulling himself out of his thoughts of trying to find Raven in the crowd.

“Mr. Wayne,” The elderly woman beamed and regarded both men in front of her.

Tim chuckled. “Just Tim, please,”

“I worked with you parents, Jack and Janet, many years ago on a few of their archaeological digs, back in their early years. I met you when you were a little boy once or twice. I must say I am impressed at what a successful grown man you've become, Tim,” praised Dr. Collins. The elderly woman hummed and smiled. “CEO of Wayne Enterprises,”

Tim chuckled, pulling on his best boardroom smile. “Thank you,”

“Also, this makes me realize that time certainly flies when the young boy you last saw in diapers has become the CEO of the world’s most successful conglomerate,” Dr. Collins chuckled, beaming up at Bruce with a mischievous smile. “That does make me feel old,”

Bruce chuckled as Tim politely made a face and their small group fell into an easy conversation. “The last eight years with Tim as CEO have been the best years for the company,”

Tim grinned playfully over his scotch. “Careful, is that praise I hear?”

The small group fell into an easy conversation discussing work and the research project. Tim quickly gathered that Dr. Collins was an old family friend of the Waynes, particularly of Bruce’s parents. He kept rapt attention to the conversation, nodding and chiming in where necessary, while occasionally glancing around the room for even a hint of purple or black.

Feeling distracted by tonight’s discovery of Raven, Tim was ready to excuse himself from the conversation and pretend to make a phone call. That seemed to be the best way to try to look around and catch Raven.

“There you are,” Dr. Collins glanced over Bruce’s shoulder and beamed. She beckoned for whoever was behind Bruce to come closer.

“I was looking for you,”

Despite the years that passed, Tim recognized the familiar voice in a heartbeat. He watched as Raven appeared from behind Bruce. He schooled his face, trying to fight away any signs of recognition and familiarity towards the black haired woman. Tim watched in a mix of curiosity and internal surprise as Raven smiled softly at their group and confidently walked up to them. From the slopes of her shoulder, the elegant movements of her hands, to her black-violet hair, deep stormy blue eyes, and that achingly familiar errant dusting of a few freckles just around the hollows of her neck, Raven looked exactly like how he remembered her. Tim blinked and absently tapped his scotch glass as he stared openly at her, a sight he had not seen in years.

“Rachel, please meet Bruce Wayne and his son, Tim. As you know Wayne Enterprises provides extensive funding for our work,” Dr. Collins said, waiving at both men in front of them.

“Mr. Wayne,” Raven began, moving her champagne glass into her left hand and went to shake Bruce’s hand. A smile appeared on her face as she and Bruce exchanged pleasantries. There was no air of familiarity between them, despite the schooled smiles that stretched across both of their lips. Tim knew that practiced look from all the undercover missions he had seen, been with, her. “It’s nice to meet you. Thank you for all your support,”

Raven turned to Tim and he watched as her smile immediately curled up just a tiny bit more in that familiar teasing way he had not seen in the last six years. There was that achingly familiar twinkle in her eyes he often saw back in the day, reserved for rare occasions, and Tim found himself smiling back at Raven and eagerly drinking in her familiar presence. “Mr. Wayne,” she said to him, a small quiver in her voice that no one but him seemed to pick up. She reached out and shook his hand.

Tim gave her hand a brief squeeze and he was pleased to see how the corner of her lips curled into a familiar amused smile he remembered. “Just Tim,”

Raven hummed and nodded, pulling her hand back. “Thank you again for supporting the research and restoration project,”

“What were you busy with before joining this project?” Bruce asked curiously. There were little updates from Raven throughout the years as she left the team for university and eventually work. While in the early years of her sabbatical Tim kept some updates on her, these eventually became less up to date as Raven eventually seemed to do her own thing.

“I was in Iceland,” Raven supplied and explained that she worked on an ancient runes translation project with the local university for six months.

Tim felt a distant memory tickle the back of his mind and he ignored the tight feeling that accompanied those distinct memories. He ignored the whisps of memories that teased his mind. Dark blue eyes briefly caught his stare and he watched that familiar curl in the corner of Raven’s lips appear. Tim smiled in return. “Iceland is a beautiful country,” he commented.

Raven stared at him, dark blue eyes intense as he remembered them. “It is,”

“We’re glad that Rachel has joined our project. She’s a fine addition to our team,” commented Dr. Collins. The elderly woman smiled teasingly. “And we’re definitely hoping she’ll considering staying in Gotham after the project ends,”

Raven rolled her eyes in amusement. “We’re just two weeks into the project. We have a long way to go,”

Tim looked at her curiously. How could he have missed her entering Gotham?. “You’ve been here for two weeks?”

Raven looked at him as if catching the slight jump in his emotions at this little discovery. “Three actually, if you count my moving in week,” she shrugged in amusement.

Three weeks. Tim stored that information for later, for a later conversation, and ignored how it settled uncomfortably in his stomach. He instead smiled at her and titled his head curiously. “I hope the transfer into Gotham wasn’t too difficult,”

Raven made a face. “It’s been interesting,” she said and Tim easily caught her familiar teasing lilt in her voice.

“Let us know if you need any assistance getting you settled, I’m sure we can send over someone to help you with your apartment,” Bruce offered, smiling charmingly at Raven.

Raven waved him off. “It’s just a few more boxes, nothing really major,”

Tim watched as a young woman tentatively approached them and offered the group an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry to interrupt,” she said to the group and quickly turned to Raven. With a quick tilt of her head towards the right, she made a face. “The University Press wants to talk to you,”

Raven made a face. “Oh, Why?”

“Just stuff about the project and the lecture,” supplied the young woman. She offered Raven a wry smile and made a face. “Also one of them asked if you were single,”

Raven rolled her eyes before smiling tightly at Bruce and Tim. “I’m sorry, if you’d excuse me. It was really nice to meet you. Thank you again for all your support. I hope you’ll visit the library again and we could show you around our work,” she said. Quickly turning to Dr. Collins, she nodded politely. “I’ll see you later, Julia,”

Smiling at Bruce and Tim, she tilted her head and there was an amused glint in her eyes as she stared at them. “Gentlemen,” she then turned on her heels, casually drank the rest of her champagne with just a little bit more purpose and seemingly bracing herself for what was about to happen next. Standing a little taller and squaring her shoulders, Raven followed the young assistant towards the press. “So, what did you tell them?” she asked, amusement lacing her voice.

As the conversation between Dr. Collins and Bruce resumed, Tim took a long sip of his scotch and stared at Raven’s retreating form. A million thoughts ran through his mind and he silently wondered just how fast he could get through his business trip in Tokyo. Sushi would have to wait for another time.

#timrae #tim drake #teen titans fanfiction #raven roth #raven #timrae 2021 year of smut and steam #be ready for baggage #lots of drama #and lots of steam because WE KNOW THESE BBS

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snkwritings · 3 years

Text

Announcements!

will also put this in faq (pinned post) later ~

if this post is too lengthy and long, scroll to the bottom to read the extremely summarized tl;dr version lol

About LeviHan AU

First and foremost, the LeviHan AU. Something that I’ve mentioned last year and has dragged up till this year. I don’t want to keep dragging it on and on so after much thought, I decided that it will be released on April 3rd 2021. (was going to be April 1st at first but lmao something about it being on April Fools seemed off HAHA anyway-) It will be updated once a week. Or maybe twice if i have time/feeling generous~. If anything comes up that disrupts this update schedule, I will do my best to give y’all a heads-up/ notify you guys beforehand.

Artists who still want to volunteer to draw something for this AU, feel free to private message me! (You will be fully credited in the post and caption!)

NOTE: Regarding my non-academic and leisure/online-time wise,, while one of my priorities is this LeviHan Au, my ongoing fanfictions (on ao3/ffnet) are of a higher priority since I did start them first + I really want to finish them... so i can write more LOL but yes. just keep that in mind !!

About Ask Box

It has been closed for quite a long time, and honestly speaking I have some unanswered asks (sorry to those, I really am, i will eventually answer them; explanations why i’m inactive will be mentioned below). I have been mulling over for quite some time now if i should open it, considering if you have seen how often i am online now, well... I’m not sure if i can commit to answering everything swiftly and timely especially since the last time i opened it, i was swarmed with requests lmao.

After thinking, I decided to open it. However, if you plan to request anything do note that it’ll take quite some time haha. Overall, I decided to open it if anyone just wants to say/ask something that’s not related to requests but wants to do it anonymously i guess + it’s been closed for way too long lmao. Moving on, it goes without saying that my submission box will be open too.

Do note that it may close again if it does suddenly get over-flowed with requests :p

About inactivity/lack of post

I genuinely feel bad that I do not update as often. But y’know... long story short, life lmao. I don’t wanna make this post too depressing lmao so if you really want to know the full despairing story (lol) I’ll probably post it on @rosaline-kei later (lmao the rant has been sitting in my drafts for so long because new shit keeps coming up :,D)

Basically, school keeps throwing so much work at me (or perhaps, i just cannot handle the given workload lol), and it can be difficult to cope. It’s not just because I feel bad about ghosting this blog from time to time that i want to be more active; I just genuinely find joy doing these posts and i wish to be able to find more time to do them. I just wish I had more personal time, I guess. Or at least be able to properly balance academics and leisure + enough sleep HAHA. ok my angst aside-

If i ever disappear again... then you know why LOL,, man i hate school-

Though, i try to post once a week.

Overall

Thank you for supporting me and staying along~ It means so much to me! And to those in my messages, my apologies for not always replying on time, please tolerate me HAHA. but yes, I’m deeply grateful for your patience and such :) To everyone, please stay safe and healthy during these tough times! Stay strong too!!

TL;DR

Levihan AU release date: April 3rd 2021. Anyone who wants to volunteer as an artist feel free to Private Message me! (You will be fully credited in the post and caption!)

About Ask Box: Will be open, but may close again if it gets flooded T_T

Reasoning behind my inactivity: Life and school sucks. My life is basically the ao3 tag #angst with no happy ending LMAO. What’s new; so if i disappear again you know why;; I try to post once a week, though

Overall: Thank you all for your support! :)) To everyone, please stay safe and healthy during these tough times! Stay strong too!!

#announcements #announcement #admin #admin stuff

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omoi-no-hoka · 4 years

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Hey! I saw your blog today and I love it very much!! I see you're an open person so, I also have a question: HOW does one survive studying japanese at uni?? I'm in my first year and only my second (online haha) semester and we started out with Minna no nihongo 1 but we're supposed to finish Minna 2 by the end of this semester, same with Basic Kanji book 1 in the first sem and now Basic Kanji Book 2, all while also learning mostly of Japan's history and others in this semester. Exams will kill me

Hello! I’m glad you’re enjoying my blog! I am open to a fault lol. Let me recount my meandering journey through uni, illustrating my feelings through gifs of Noel Fielding because he is my celebrity crush.

Uni is such a difficult time for so many people, trying to figure out who you are now and who you want to be later. It wasn’t until my senior year that I realized what I wanted to do. I started writing out my university experience and it got super long, so allow me to just summarize my “Lessons Learned” here and you can read the rest if you want to know all the dirty deets lol. I double-majored in Japanese and English, so I think that my experience can perhaps be useful to people who are majoring in things other than Japanese as well.

Hard-Learned Lessons from Uni

Do not choose a course of study because it is “practical.” Choose it because it is something you love. Seriously. Nothing is more important than this point. Do not choose a major because “I’ll make a lot of money” or “My parents are telling me this is good for me.”

If you are learning multiple languages at once, you must give your brain time to organize what you learned from one language lesson before moving on to the next. You can do this by waiting a couple hours between lessons, getting up and walking around, studying one language in different space from the other, etc. Otherwise, it all becomes a terrible mess in your head.

It’s okay not to know what you want your career to be. It’s okay not to have a specific plan. Life works out one way or the other.

I know how expensive uni can be. (It’s been six years since I graduated and I’m still making hefty loan payments.) But don’t feel like you have to take a full courseload every single semester and graduated asap, particularly if the classes are hard and/or you are working. I took the maximum credit hours allowed every semester on top of working RIDICULOUS hours and it nearly killed me at one point. I’m not kidding.

It is not unusual to have an identity crisis and/or mental breakdown. Take care of yourself. Know when you are nearing breaking point. Seek out the help of professionals. Most universities have psychiatrists and therapists that will see you very cheaply.

Surround yourself with good people and look out for each other.

Do not rely on substances to ease your suffering because sometimes the remedy becomes the malady. Not saying you should avoid all parties or anything square like that, but just don’t be one of those people that parties every night and gets in over their head.

Let me preface this by stating that I’m an American, and our universities are stupid because they force us to take a ton of “general education” courses that are irrelevant to our majors, and many students spend their first couple years taking only a couple courses related to their majors and minors, and try to focus on getting those stupid gen eds out of the way.

Year 1: Oh Shit, This Is Harder Than I Thought It Would Be

I come from a town of less than 2600 people. Our high school prepared its students for the following career paths:

joining the military (boys only)

becoming a farmer (boys only)

welding, carpentry, or other practical jobs (boys only)

becoming a housewife (girls only)

So basically I coasted through high school never having to study anything because it was one great big joke, only I thought I was like super duper smart because I was in the top five of my graduating class of 48. LOLLLLLLLLL

I entered university as a German major, Japanese minor. (Japanese was not offered as a major at my uni). I had never studied German previously, but I studied Spanish and French in high school and I just had this feeling that German and Japanese were the languages for me.

The first semester, I had Japanese 101 and German 101 back to back, in the EXACT SAME CLASSROOM. I can’t stress enough how much of a mindfuck it was to go from thinking about Japanese for 50 minutes, having a 10 minute break, and then trying to switch your brain to German. IN THE SAME ROOM. It actually gave me headaches to try and make that mental jump. Managed to pull through the year with A’s in both, but German was much more of a challenge to me than Japanese. Which was really unexpected.

I also flunked several gen eds because I didn’t give a shit about them and skipped them and got placed on academic probation and was nearly kicked out of uni because of my poor grades

Basically, I was such a weeb that I had watched enough anime with subtitles and sung along to enough anime songs that I had absorbed about 90% of the first year’s worth of Japanese vocab and grammar through osmosis. I really did have the power of God and anime on my side.

Year 2: The Year of the Mid-Midlife Crisis and Mental Breakdown

There really is no gif that will encapsulate the level of turmoil I went through that year. I looked really hard for one, trust me.

It became apparent very quickly that I could not keep up with German. I ended up dropping it early in the first semester, which meant I had to choose a new major. Thinking of what would be practical to pair with a Japanese minor, I went for International Business for a semester, took Accounting, and realized that I HATE The Man, corporate bullshit, and also numbers as a concept.

All I knew at this point was that I liked Japanese but couldn’t make it a major. I also knew I didn’t want to transfer universities. So I kept taking gen eds, just barely passing them because to this day I cannot bring myself to put effort into something I do not care about, and also taking more classes related to my Japanese minor. It was the Japanese classes that saved my GPA and kept me from getting kicked out of uni.

At the same time, I took a creative writing course because that’s been a hobby of mine since elementary school, and I kinda thought about an English major, but then was like, “Eww I don’t wanna be forced to read books I don’t give a shit about. And also, what will I do with that degree?”

Also, at the same time, I was working full time, and often getting stuck working from 2 pm to 7 am (Yes, 15-hour shifts, because the overnight dude would call in sick last minute and I’d be begged to cover his shift), and then dragging myself to classes and drooling on the desks because I’d fall asleep.

Also also, I started to have possible hallucinations? To this day I don’t know what was going on, but either I was legitimately going crazy, or there was a demon following me around and being quite rude to me, making light fixtures fall and shatter inches from my head, throwing papers around my room, opening and closing doors, turning lights off and on, coming to me in dreams and doing some really, really traumatic things to me in them, and just standing in corners staring at me at all hours of the night. Had me so scared that towards the end of the school year I was waiting to sleep until sunrise, when it would go away. And no, I was not using any mind-altering substances of any sort. Not even going out and getting drunk.

So, yeah. Year Two was a hard one that I can’t believe I pushed through. Probably the darkest year of my life, I’d say. What got me through it? An unhealthy amount of energy drinks, friends, and my love of Japanese. Also Aerosmith.

Do I still see that demon? No. He vanished when the school year ended and I moved out of the dorms. Do I believe in the supernatural? Yes, to an extent. Do I think that what I was seeing was actually a demon? I honestly don’t know. I have had actual supernatural experiences verified by multiple witnesses, and a few years before Year 2, several friends and myself had seen an entity similar to what was following me around. But this one in Year 2 only did things when I was alone. So it could have all been in my head, and I will never know.

Since then, I have been diagnosed with general anxiety and also a form of insomnia that keeps me from sleeping through the night, and I know that my anxiety manifests itself in psychosomatic ways. In other words, my mind will take my anxiety and turn it into a physical symptom that feels real in every way, but is actually not occurring. So far it’s manifested as: sensitivity to sunlight, the symptoms of a stroke or heart attack, half of my face going numb, and headaches in my left eye. Once I realize that the symptom is just my anxiety, I can force myself to ignore and overcome it. But then my anxiety finds a new form to manifest, and the cycle repeats a few months later. It could be that my stress caused me to see this demon for a while.

Should I have consulted a psychiatrist and gotten help? YEP. If you find yourself struggling like that, seek help please. 💕

Year 3: Adrift But Afloat

I moved out of the dorms and into an apartment with my best friend, a Japanese girl I met in the dorms freshman year. I will call her Setsuko. Setsuko is basically the reason I graduated uni. She memorized my class schedules and took copies of exam dates, woke me up, forced me to go classes instead of skipping, forced me to go to the library and study with her, and cooked me dinner most days since she didn’t have to work like I did. I can’t express enough how much she did to improve my life outside of school and work, and how much that improved my mental health. She also acclimated me to lots of subtle things about Japanese culture just by living with her, and this helped me later when I moved to Japan. Thank you, Setsuko. 一生の恩人。

I was still doing those bullshit 15-hour overnight shifts way more than I should have, and also had the maximum courseload.

The Japanese classes got a lot more difficult in Year 3. But I loved them. They were the only classes I never skipped. I took more classes towards the minor like Buddhist Philosophy and Japanese History, which I really enjoyed. While polishing off more gen eds, I thought over what to do with my major.

My family and friends all told me that I should become an English teacher. I had always been good at words and at explaining things. But I didn’t really like the idea of being a high school teacher. I became an English major, though, because I knew that I didn’t hate English. Took grammar classes and HOLY SHIT did I hit my stride.

I realized that I didn’t like English lit. I liked linguistics. So I focused heavily on all grammar and linguistics courses, taking the bare minimum of literature courses required for the major. My GPA improved substantially.

Yet I still was consumed with this nagging fear. It was Year 3 and I still had no fucking idea what I wanted to do when I graduated.

Year 4: Clarity At The 11th Hour

Urged on by my “Don’t you dare get one of those stupid arts degrees that won’t get you a paycheck” parents, I decided that the most “practical” degree would not be “English,” but “English Education.” I began taking the English Ed classes with linguistics, grammar, and second language acquisition classes. The goal was to become a qualified English high school teacher who could also do ESL (since I had Spanish and Japanese under my belt more or less).

At the same time, I entered into Independent Study for Japanese with two other students. We were tasked with reading Izu no Odoriko, a classic short story. Independent study was its own beast. It required a lot more concentration and work on my part, obviously. But because Japanese was my first and foremost passion, I centered my efforts on those courses, and then on the others.

The process of getting certified to be an English teacher was lengthy and expensive in my state. This meant my graduation would be further prolonged, and I was worried about money, because I was already about $50,000 in debt at the time, despite working those fucking overnight shifts all the time that were eating me alive.

Then, during the summer vacation when my 4th year ended, I got a scholarship and went to Japan to study abroad. Education majors had the option to study abroad in several countries, and as luck would have it, one of them was Japan, and it was Setsuko’s HOMETOWN! The study abroad program itself was the first month of summer vacation, and Setsuko said, “Okay, just come stay at my house for the rest of summer vacation!”

Never have I said “yes” quicker in my entire life.

On the train headed from Sapporo to the town where I would be actually staying during my studies, I looked at the lush rice paddies and mountains in the distance and my entire heart just hummed with this “This is where you’re meant to be.” I knew then and there that I would move to Japan upon graduation.

What would I do there? Well, teach English, obviously.

My three months in Japan effectively aligned my entire life. My path had materialized before me. It was a roughly hacked, hard-to-see path through thick underbrush, but I could see it nonetheless.

Year 5: Let’s Hurry It Up, I’m Ready To Live

Come Year 5, all of my Japanese classmates that had been with me since freshman year were gone and I was alone. My professor taught me Classical Japanese through independent study, and it was the must grueling course I took my entire five years there. But I found it invaluable and am eternally grateful to him for teaching me, because you see Classical Japanese a lot more than you’d think you would in everyday life. Particularly in formal settings.

I still wanted to get certified to teach English in American high schools, because while I knew I wanted to go to Japan for now, I didn’t know if I wanted to spend my entire life there and I wanted a solid job opportunity when I came back to the states at some point.

However, the more education courses I took, the more I saw that the American education system was just as full of red-tape and The Man’s bullshit as corporate America, something else I rebuke with every fiber of my being. I also realized I’d need to take a 6th year of university, and that just wasn’t financially feasible for me. So I switched to a plain old English major with a heavy focus on linguistics and second language acquisition, and continued classical Japanese.

I took the remaining 3 gen eds online in the summer, graduated, popped up to Chicago to do a month-long intensive course to get the CELTA (Certificate in Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages issued by Cambridge.) It’s the most widely accepted and revered certification for teaching English as a foreign language.

So in the span of five years, I graduated with a Bachelor’s Degree in English with a focus in linguistics and SLA, and what is technically a major in Japanese Studies. 40 credit hours were required for a major, and I completed 42 credit hours tied to my minor, so while it isn’t listed on my diploma as a major, I did the coursework. I also got a CELTA Pass B, which only 20% of applicants achieve and never expires. The grand total for all of this was roughly $100,000 USD in loans.

Post-Graduation

The week I came back to my hometown from Chicago with my CELTA in hand, I packed my suitcases, threw a going-away party, and then flew to Sapporo, where I began my first job after uni, teaching English to children aged 0-18 at a private English conversation school. I did that for three years before changing careers and becoming a Japanese-English translator/interpreter for a global company.

So how useful have my choices during university proven to be?

I’m sure I don’t have to explain that studying Japanese helps me tons with translating Japanese to English or living in Japan lol

Studying English grammar, linguistics, sociolinguistics, and second language acquisition has allowed me to recognize minute nuances that can make the difference between a successful and unsuccessful business negotiation when interpretation is necessary.

My background in education also means that I know how to present information clearly, concisely, and in a way that engages the audience. I am known as “The PowerPoint Pro” at work lol.

I also have a keen eye for performance evaluation, behavior analysis, and improvement action plans.

I offered English conversation lessons to coworkers for over a year, and now that is being done in other branches across the company! (Well, they were before COVID haha.)

I DO NOT RECOMMEND WORKING THE HOURS I WORKED WHILE IN SCHOOL. My grades suffered and I wish I had worked less and focused more on classes. However, by working 15-hour shifts and doing full days of classes, I developed a very good tolerance for overtime, which comes in handy in the Japanese workplace. Just last month I had three 15 hour days in the same week. Sweet, sweet overtime pay.

All of these facets have culminated in me earning a pretty nice promotion to 正社員 seishain back in February, which means I get nice benefits and basically my job is guaranteed until I die or the company goes under.

Should I decide to return to America someday, I will probably not go into the education field. Too much red tape. I will likely continue translation/interpretation for companies, because it isn’t too difficult and pays well. Though ideally I’d love to just make a living sharing cool information about Japanese and stuff, and maybe writing those stories that are bouncing around in my head when I should be working haha.

Do I think the debt is worth it?

Well, I don’t think I had any other option than to take out those loans. I didn’t have the means to learn the things I wanted to learn unless I went to university.

Unless Japanese work visa requirements have changed, you are required to have a bachelor’s degree in order to obtain my sub-type of work-visa, so I needed a degree of some kind no matter what.

Frankly, if I hadn’t gone to that university and met my best friend Setsuko, I don’t think I’d be where I am right now, living the life I am now. So just having met her is worth any price to me.

Paying off all the loans is daunting, especially when yen is weak to the dollar. There were months I had to ask my parents for help, especially early on. But now I’ve got multiple loans paid off, my salary has increased, and the “omg i have money and no supervision so I can buy whatever I want” idiocy has mostly gone away. But I did get a super sweet pair of blindingly silver Converses a couple days ago that I definitely didn’t need

Do I have any regrets regarding my time at university?

I still regret dropping Old English for a stupid English Ed class. Seriously, how cool would that have been? But I still have the textbook, workbook, and I contacted the professor last week and she was kind enough to send me a syllabus. God bless her. So now I’m working on that bit by bit, which is fun.

I wish I hadn’t been such a cocky, naive idiot my first year. Thinking I could just “show up for tests” was the stupidest thing. It messed up my GPA, and my parents forbade me from retaking classes so I couldn’t go back and fix my mistakes. I think I graduated with a 3.4 overall GPA out of 4, but my English major GPA was 3.9 and my Japanese GPA was 4.0. So it’s pretty frustrating to have those gen eds and my dumbfuckery mar my transcript like that.

I really didn’t party at all. Most all of my friends were straight-laced Japanese exchange students, and I was also working ridiculous hours so I just didn’t really have the time. A part of me feels like I missed out on that part of the college experience.

Recently I’ve been putting more effort into improving my creative writing by reading a lot of books on the subject. Not a small part of me wishes that I had gone with a Creative Writing major instead of English major, because I still would have studied all the grammar and linguistics. Then again, I do believe that creative writing can be self-taught.

I wish I hadn’t worked as much as I did. There were a lot of times I couldn’t complete assignments or I missed lectures because I was just so drained. It wasn’t even good money.

Well...I did not intend for this post to become as long as it has. I’ve been cooped up in my apartment with nothing but two goldfish for company for over a month now and I think I’m a bit stir-crazy. Thank you to anyone and everyone who bothered to read all of this and become my therapist for a bit haha. Love you all. Stay safe and well. 💖

#study japanese #learn japanese #university #college #study tips #mental health #love you all #asks are open #stay well #noodle-of-sunshine #noel fielding #studyblr #college study tips #university struggles #college struggles #study english #study english education #study linguistics

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peyocchi · 4 years

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Tips/Advice for University (or any!) Students !!

So, as I have mentioned before, I recently graduated from university and looking back at the time I had throughout, I thought about a lot of different things I wish I had known earlier or had done differently. So! As to not waste it away, I thought it would be helpful to share them for those who are currently in university/college or future students!

Beginning your first semester:

♡ People have told me to apply to around 10 schools to be safe, but in reality, we all know some schools require application fees and it can get costly and nobody got money for that. SO, I recommend only around 4-6 depending on your budget at the time.

♡ When writing your application essay, make sure you specifically follow their guidelines for what to write! If they do not have an outline, some good points to mention are your goals and aspirations for why you want an education, what you plan to do with it in the future, any previous volunteer experience you’ve done, academic awards in high school, etc. are all great content to add!

♡ When accepted, DO NOT be afraid to start off as undecided if you don’t know what you want to study yet! I felt pressure to choose a major right off the bat and ended up changing my major 3 times.

♡ I recommend getting your general education courses out of the way your first 2 or so years in uni/college because generally the friends that last are the ones that will be in your major courses since you’ll be seeing them in your other major classes as well. It makes sense to get your GE classes out of the way so that the rest of your time, you only need to enjoy the classes you are interested in and can make friends with people you know you will see often throughout the week and the next few semesters.

♡ Take time to explore the area with close friends or family so that you know generally where everything is! (The market, the mall, hospital, etc. if you’re new to the area!) Also, check in with your school to see if they offer free bus rides or other transportation if you are lacking a car!

During school:

♡ If you had staggering social anxiety or general shyness like I did, you do NOT have to force yourself to interact with people. A lot of people around me tried to tell me that once I put myself out there I would feel better and it actually made me retreat more into my shell and made me feel awful for not being able to do it when they made it sound so easy. You are free to do it when YOU’RE ready!

♡ What I have found is that socializing becomes a lot more fun when you find yourself looking forward to it. It seems like common sense, but we have this unsaid pressure in society to be outgoing and “happy go lucky” with everyone. But this is just unrealistic. Take things at your own pace, it’s okay if you feel more comfortable eating lunch alone to relax!

♡ Buy some cute stationery that will motivate you to be organized and be on top of your tasks. Every year, I buy a big planner that has a month page and a week page so I can map out big events throughout the month and write in daily small things under each day. I also double use my planner as a diary so I’ll tape memorabilia or write short entries about my day so everything is in one place! No need to switch out multiple notebooks. Add cute stickers or color in it as well, if you wish!

♡ School supplies do NOT need to be expensive to be cute or useful. I get most of my stuff online where they have cheap deals for huge packs of things.

♡ Amazon is a HUGE help because if you are a student, you automatically get Amazon Prime! Take advantage of it, plus other student deals you can find online!!

♡ If you think you’re up for a little socializing, join a club. It’s one of the fastest ways to make friends since you’re all interested in at least one common thing. Dorming on campus is also a fast way to make friends if you can handle sharing personal space with others. Staying on campus for longer hours allows you to socialize more compared to driving right back home after class.

Studying:

♡ HUGE POINTER: My professors always swore by the fact that they think studying in groups is the only way to study but for me, I found that to be the opposite. I had way better grades studying alone than I did in a group because I was too distracted by others to focus on the actual content. So experiment with your own study methods! Whether it be in a group, alone, 1 on 1, with music or without, whatever works!!

♡ Do NOT cram the night before for an exam, quiz, midterm, final, whatever. This is not high school and I can guarantee you it usually does not work. However, if you’re like me and cannot remember things for longer than a few days, start skimming through your notes 2 weeks before the exam and then the actual week of, start studying the content in blocks. The day right before the exam is when you can review it altogether.

♡ Depending on your professor, you might also want to pay attention to the captions under images in your textbook. I have had teachers who asked questions about captions under graphs and didn’t know how to answer (embarassing).

♡ Unless you know you’ll read it again even after the class is over, NEVER buy the textbook. It’s way too pricey so I never even bought a cheap used copy, I always rented e-books or paperbacks on Amazon. That way, after the semester is over, you just give it back and you don’t need to worry about selling it or anything.

♡ MAKE FRIENDS WITH YOUR PROFESSORS. Later on, whether you choose to pursue graduate school or a job, their recommendation letters about you will surely come in handy. And not just for that, but they can be great mentors to you about the field you’re studying, or just life in general. I’ve met professors that have given me so much wisdom and still keep in touch with them after I graduated! (Also, it’s really awkward asking them for recommendation letters last minute when they don’t even know you.)

♡ This is sort of a part two: if you get close with your professors and excel in their classes, you can also ask to be their teacher’s assistant, class grader, lab assistant, etc. for extra side money or an on-campus job. Extra cash never hurt and you don’t even need to commute!

♡ Scheduling: Know when your brain needs a rest. When scheduling your courses for the semester, do not sign up for 8AM classes if you know you’re not going to get up on time. For me personally, I knew I would want the evenings off to myself to work or spend time with friends/family, so I scheduled all my classes for the morning so my latest class ended at 1PM. Understand how your body would handle school the best!

♡ While you’re at it, I would plan out your whole 4 year plan from the beginning (unless you’re undecided, then just plan out your first 2 years until you decide) so you can plan for any unforeseen changes or possible accidents in the future.

♡ If you fail a class or receive a bad grade, it is NOT the end of the world! What matters is that you tried your best and at the end of the day, your letter grade is not equal to your self worth. It is okay to retake a class if you felt it was too difficult the first time. You’ll have more experience for the second time around!

♡ If you experience any kind of mental illness and are struggling, please don’t be afraid to reach out to friends, family, and look into possible therapy services your school provides! The one in my university was free for students and no payment was required.

♡ To maximize your academic success, let your counselor know of any illnesses you are struggling through so they can help you get set up for any classroom accommodations you may need. (I asked to always sit in the back of the class because my social anxiety was really bad at the time and couldn’t handle sitting in the front or even the middle.)

♡ Make good use of the library! There are actually so many interesting books pertaining to most or any of your academic disciplines, and it will definitely come in handy when writing your essays/papers!

Writing essays:

♡ Alright, this is one that I have purposely made a section for because I LOATHE writing essays, they are the bane of my existence.

♡ I usually start by just picking a topic. If the topic is already picked for you, take a sheet of paper and make a general outline. It usually consists of:

- Introduction: A brief summary of the issue or topic you’re addressing, why it’s important to address it and a general overview of what you’ll be discussing in detail.

- Your argument or point of the paper: Include what past research or other people have said about it before and why you agree or disagree. Why do you agree/disagree?

- Point 1

- Point 2

- Point 3

- Include a popular opposing argument to your stand and explain why it is a reasonable point but you still think it is wrong/Or include an interesting related real life case to your topic

- How this argument furthers your side of the debate and what people who support this argument should do in the future about it/Or why it is important to know about the topic you’re presenting

- Conclusion

This is honestly all I can think of for tonight as I write this, but if you guys want to ask me about anything else I can answer or I think of anything else, I’ll edit and add to this post! I hope it’s somewhat useful for you guys! Good luck!

#university #college #studying #student #advice #tips #help #guide #please send any suggestions in my ask box!!

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jaydaydemon · 3 years

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University: A crash course in covid

Three weeks at university and I have already contracted the dreaded coronavirus, who could’ve seen that coming? Well, anyone really. You don’t need to be an expert or an oracle to foresee the poor outcome of sending a million students all over the country off to university in the midst of a pandemic. Jo Grady, a university union leader, made a plea not to do just that back in August which I saw and whole heartedly agreed with, she knew then as did many others without a doubt how much of a terrible idea it was, but no one heeded the warning. Would it not have been wiser to either do the entirety of the first semester online, keeping the students at home therefore minimising the spread of the virus? Or postpone the start of the academic year until after the Christmas holiday period? These are the kind of actions one might expect those in power, the leaders of this nation, to make, tough decisions that prioritise the safety of citizens in a time where taking well thought out precautions is the best approach to minimising the disruptive nature of a pandemic in a globalised world. But yet again this current situation we find ourselves in further demonstrates the inadequacies of those we rely on to make the big decisions, this global pandemic has highlighted many shortcomings and failures of leadership not just in the United Kingdom but all over the world.

I write to you from the perspective of a mature student, someone who did not come straight out of college at 18 and went on to university, but someone who did not finish college the first time around, worked in various jobs over the years getting a taste of what life as part of the workforce is like before fully realising my interests and career goals in life. I the decided to return to education and complete a college course for over 21s that got me into the university of my choice. That year at college was somewhat difficult as the outbreak cut the academic year short and saw myself and many other college students having to finish their courses from home and our teachers forced to adjust to educating us via a virtual environment. It wasn’t easy but we managed to pull through, and short of an idiotic fiasco that threw many young people’s futures into doubt when our sort sighted government thought it wise to dictate that responsibility to a computer algorithm, most of us managed to make it to the universities of our choice.

I made it to a university in Norwich, and although I had reservations about starting during these uncertain times I rolled the dice and went for it anyway, having figured I’d taken long enough in life to make it this far and I wasn’t going to wait any longer. I applied for student accommodation as I wanted to have the full experience and as far as I was aware, at least initially, most of my lessons were going to be taught in person. It did not take long after my arrival on campus to learn that none of my lessons would be in person, although long enough to miss the window in which I could renege on my accommodation without having to pay any fees. With no events going on very late, venues closing by ten thanks to government guidelines imposed at the time, not able to mingle with people at the bar, there was nothing but flat parties left for students to let loose in which were bacterial powder kegs. And at this point I began to wonder why I had come all this way during such times, why any of us had been offered this choice in the first place when I and everyone else could have done most of the academic studying from home. But of course it was obvious, plain and clear for all to see, the economy has taken a major hit from the pandemic and the universities weren’t getting help from the government so the students were now their primary cash cow, draining us for that money they so badly needed to keep them afloat, it was readily apparent for us to see and the whole thing has a disingenuous and sleazy feel about it.

And then I tested positive for coronavirus, followed shortly by a flatmate of mine, and then our flat went into quarantine. We were not the first in our building to do so, another flat near ours had already begun theirs a few days before, but in their case they were all asymptomatic. I and my flatmate however were not and had a rough week recovering as a result. I began to feel a little under the weather a few days before testing positive but none of my symptoms matched the core ones, not at first. We were contacted by people from the university at the beginning, me and the friend who tested positive, and were given some advice on where to get help with getting food and other resources. In my case these proved not to be especially useful and thankfully my parent was able to drop food off to me on two occasions during the isolation period. The situation frayed burgeoning friendships being formed among our flatmates a little, as accusations were thrown around which did not help matters, but on the whole relations did not sour too much. Only smokers could leave the flat to indulge in that nasty habit, masks were always to be worn when entering and leaving the building, a rule which most but not all students held themselves to. No security guards were posted on each flat like at certain universities which was nice, and honestly not necessary as the cases here are certainly higher than the university lets on but the number of cases aren’t too excessive and most students are being sensible. The cleaners have been in only once the entire isolation period, which is better than some universities, but they only cleaned a select few toilets belonging to a third of the flatmates. Although the litter started to pile up it wasn’t beyond control in our flat at least.

The symptoms of the coronavirus abated for myself and my friend after eight days or so, and no one else in the flat came down with it, all tests returning negative results, but since our self-isolation period began several more flats across various buildings have gone into quarantine as well.

The mood here I can describe as frustrated. There are over a thousand young people here, many of them freshers like myself looking to have a good time and live it up but there are few places to let loose and not enough going on to sate the appetites of party goers. Even during a pandemic it is near impossible to contain the energy of the youth, and those of you who are older and read this now need to consider if you would have had such restraint in your teens or early twenties, and if you’re being honest you know the answer is most certainly no. The downside of all this is that there’s a lot of young people with so much pent up energy and very few places or opportunities to expend it in a time like this, which is a bad mixture. And when a fifth of those students are stuck in self isolation, taunted by the sounds of those who escaped the virus partying away in the next flat across from you, it wears away on one’s nerves. But as could have been predicted, by the time our flat emerged from quarantine, most of those flats that were partying the whole time were starting their own self-isolation period.

Right now, no one is in a good situation. This pandemic has created a crisis in many areas of life, not just to students, but to many working people out there who are now jobless, many industries who are struggling to support themselves, and the incompetency of governance in many areas does little to help matters. Although the universities aren’t in a great position either, they have little moral high ground to stand on right now, they are complicit in this situation and regardless of their situation they should have made the tough choice and kept students away for the remainder of this year. At this point I think we can all agree on one thing; 2020 is a write off, it cannot be salvaged, it might have been to some degree if the right decisions had be made but, the rush to get everything going like normal once again in a time where normalcy has died and we all know it has only exacerbated the situation and there’s no way that this isn’t going to have a roll on effect into next year and beyond. This is something we are going to have to live with for a long while yet, and we must figure out better ways to endure it, but where do we look to find these solutions? I don’t know anymore, do you?

First drafted: October 2020. Published: November 15th 2020.

#covidquarantine #university #life #student

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codeblve · 4 years

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howdy y’all ! lilac’s the name, writing trashlord character’s the game. i hail from a lil island known as australia... so in essence, i am never gonna be online at the same time as anyone else dkjfghdkfjgd. but !! don’t let this deter you. like a lil ol’ boomerang i’ll eventually find my way into your dms and hopefully we can plot/write with all your incredible muses. <3 a lil info about me though, i’m a tea connoisseur, sims enthusiast, and i talk daily about how i consider the barbie films cinematic masterpieces. if i haven’t scared you off and you’d like to get to know my sweet and memey tough boi, please press that readmore to complete your transaction.

⌠LUKE HEMMINGS, TWENTY ONE, CISMALE, HE/HIM⌡ welcome back to gallagher academy, BLUE HAWTHORNE! according to their records, they’re a THIRD year, specializing in AWARENESS TRAINING, BREATH CONTROL, HAND TO HAND COMBAT + COVERT OPERATIONS (CP); and they DID NOT go to a spy prep high school. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of (a smiley face traced into the precipitation on a mirror after a long and warm shower, a constellation of bruises strewn across your body, impatient foot tapping in the hallows of detention, chopsticks fashioned into walrus tusks over a meal, climbing higher and higher with no sign of stopping). when it’s the (aquarius)’s birthday on 2/13/1998, they always request their CHEESY NACHOS WITH EXTRA GUAC from the school’s chefs. looks like they’re well on their way to graduation.

( PERSONALITY ! )

( for more details about blue, check out his stats & hcs here ! )

he is playful, jocular, impulsive, and honestly? immature lmao. he is honestly a Soft Jock™

he’s always been looking for the childhood he never got to have, y’know? he does this in the way he’s always cracking jokes, a bit of a class clown, disruptive. a wholesome prank or two.

he gets in trouble in school more than his fair share, simply for daydreaming or sneaking out. he doesn’t let the institution define him, but he can take orders when needed. he can be very loyal tho, and much like eggsy in kingsmen, if someone asked him to choose between his dog or orders ?? he’s always choosing the dog kdjgf

he is secretly very insecure and always has a need to please. if someone doesn’t like him, he’ll tear himself apart to figure out why.

he’s always telling jokes and always laughing. he’s known for his Memes and is always a good time to be around. social butterfly, gregarious. chances are if you don’t know him, you’ve heard him dkfgjdf

he’s also a bit Anti-( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( sex lmao ) because ya boi has commitment issues so high they’re floating out there in space

he can also be very maternal when the need arises. he is not good at talking about emotions but he’ll give you a meme or a hug to Heal You

he very much reminds me of the human embodiment of a puppy. cannot be alone for very long, has a short attention span, and craves validation lmfao. give him a squeaky toy and he will be Contented

as a soon-to-be spy he can be Tough in the field when he needs to be but he’s also v sensitive. most see him as a macho, just genuinely happy kinda dude but, he truly feels a lot. he won’t let you know that, though.

he struggles academically as he has a short attention span most of the time and thinks too little of himself. however, he’s a lot brighter than most people give him credit for. he’s incredibly creative and a lateral thinker. maths makes him want to die, tho. he does shine in physical trials at least, which is something !

also what’s money? blue does not know. he grew up with hardly anything, and has been working since he could. for this reason he’s quite frugal and struggles to throw things away.

blue’s troubled past ( explained below ) is something he doesn’t acknowledge, and not a lot of people know about. to many, he’s known as the local Meme Dealer. but to a lucky few, he’s known as a friend who would do anything for you.

most just know him as the moron named after a colour tho. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

( HISTORY ! ) - tw: illness/cancer, death, substance ( alcohol / drugs ) & depression.

blue hawthorne, who never goes by his birthname bc he hates it dfkjgdgdf, was born in the town of sparks, nevada !

it was always just blue and his mother, margarette. he never met his father and he was gone long before blue’s mother could even tell him about a pregnancy test. cut off from her family due to having a child out of wedlock, the pair started a life for themselves. all they had was a humble abode in a trailer park. material possessions were lacking, but blue never felt like he went without.

blue’s mother was by very definition blue’s best friend. they both shared a love of music and ballet, and margarette worked as many jobs as she could to allow for her son to take lessons. starting quite young, at the age of four or five, blue was actually quite good. the usually mischievous and erratic child found structure in the discipline, and it was the thing that brought him the most happiness.

as a child blue was often teased for his interest, and the fact that he was so close with his mother. despite being incredibly short and frail at the time, he was also very outspoken and strong-willed, and never let his peers get the best of him. he danced, he laughed, he bruised his knees at any given opportunity. made a lot of mistakes. what he lacked in possessions he gained in the abundance of joy he felt in his heart growing up. his mother and a few of his close friends were his world.

when blue turned fifteen, everything changed.

( illness / cancer tw ) the jubilant, mischievous, but altogether kind-hearted boy was given the heart-breaking news that his mother had been diagnosed with cancer. margarette hawthorne, much like her son, was a fighter - and didn’t let such a diagnosis keep her down. despite their dwindling lack of funds now going towards medical bills, and the fact blue began sacrificing his own childhood as he took to the role of a caretaker of sorts for his mother, he never took his time with her for granted.

things were okay for a while. there was a point where the doctors were convinced that she was going to make it. blue was a fool. blue believed them.

at the age of sixteen, blue lost everything. he lost his place to live, he lost his childhood and lust for life, and he lost the person he loved most in the world. he lost his best friend.

it wasn’t long before the overbearing sympathy from those around him soured blue. he was sick of being bullied, people not liking him, and altogether not being in control of his own life. most of all, he felt so hopeless as his best friend in the entire world was starting to fade. so what did this boy do ? he quit ballet (the thing he’d loved since he was able to stand), he started drinking, he got involved with a very bad crowd and became a frequenter of the local police station. blue became a certified Bad Boy™

blue was sent to live with the grandparents that despised him and never acknowledged his existence before that moment, having met them at his mother’s funeral. righteous and conservative in their views, they had cast aside their daughter when she had blue, and only reached out to her in her final months. for this reason, blue despised these people (he refused to call them family). he tried his best to be appreciative of a house and food ( which was much better than anything he had growing up ). but he was cold. always cold.

( substance tw ) in his latter adolescence, blue fell into a rapid succession of bad decisions. still small, still frail in stature, he found himself at a dissonance with his image and began growing insecure about his looks, the years of torment weighing on him. he found anesthetic in the party scene outside of school, taking to alcohol and drugs as a sedative from the life he felt forced to lead. he couldn’t decide if he hated himself or he hated the world more.

at the age of 17, his rap sheet seemed to grow with each rise and fall of the sun. he was hardly ever ‘home’ and couch surfed. at the age of 17 he’d gotten his own car and lived more out of that than the stuffy house on top of the hill where he was supposed to be. his grades were debris lost in his tumultuous storm, he was always looking for validation from the kids he hung around with and made some very poor decisions in the hopes he’d be liked. in the hopes he’d find a new family.

the partying, the stream of hook ups, his criminal record (mainly with petty theft, a few write ups for public intoxication and fighting), the instability of his living situation and his future all came to boil just before he turned 18. physically he’d started to fill out, and look more like the man people know today. he was no longer frail and no longer weak, and when asked, he used to his fists to forge that path he thought he wanted.

after a dark night, it became apparent to blue that his path of self destruction was hurting no one but himself. things had to change.

through nothing short than a McMiracle (sponsored by Ronald McDonald, bc no one else is rich enough to pull it off lmfao) blue managed to scrape by and complete high school. not well by any means. but he did it.

it was about now that blue had been informed of a small school called blackthorne academy. details were scarce, but what drew the blond’s attention was the tuition ( or lack thereof ). his acceptance cited his physical capabilities as seen through his many years of dance and explained why he was of particular interest to the school. he was suspicious, to say the least. but blue knew he wanted to become something, and to go to this school would not only take him away from a life he wanted to forget, but he would become self sufficient, and be able to leave his toxic family situation on his own terms.

bidding farewell to the grandparents he was only beginning to know, his grandfather saw no reason to extend her kindnesses, and cut blue off. at the age of 18 he was homeless, with nothing but a car and a handful of pokemon cards he’d had as a kid. not worth anything or even particularly sentimental, he just likes pokemon kgfjfd.

living in his car for a while before eventually crashing with a close friend, blue managed to absorb his days in work before eventually starting his tenure at blackthorne. although blue’s wild days are behind him, there are some things locked in his past that still haunt him. there are doors he never hopes to open again. but he got his fresh start, and is determined to live the life a young blue would have wanted for him, and one his mother could be proud of. and who knows, maybe he could go on and save the world.

( WANTED CONNECTIONS ! )

all of these are absolute trash, and i much prefer plotting with specific characters in mind to cater it to our muses and make it unique to them. (~: but i do have a few wanted connections here as a starting off point !! if any of them really call to you though, please let me know as i would adore to have anything listed !! with that in mind, i wanted to include a sample of a few of the connects on the page here to make things a lil easier.

— *. ; ( co-workers ) || this connection is a little up in the air as i understand that students aren’t allowed to leave campus without staff supervision, and tuition isn’t awfully high if you can’t afford it ! however, blue has no money, and if at all possible he would try and get some sort of job whilst at blackthorne/gallaghers. whether that be doing odd jobs as part of his covert ops classes, or even working for the campus doing things like lawn maintenance, working in the stables, or literally anything that was open ! ( his ‘job’ could even be bringing in dkfjgdf some sorts of contraband to sell to other students, lmfao. nothing illegal, just stuff you can’t get on campus ). this connection is meant for any muses that may also be employed, or want them to be, and these two could be co-workers ! with an admin blessing we can figure out what is logistically possible within the plot, and if your muse already has a job i’d be very interested to have blue be a coworker if you were at all interested !! <3

— *. ; ( protector ) || there are two things blue hates most in this world: liars, and bullies. as an older ( and arguably large ) student, he comes to find someone who is going through a rough time assimilating to life at the academy for whatever reason. on the surface neither of them have anything in common, but the pair form a sibling like bond, and blue is willing to do anything to protect their friend.

— *. ; ( aggressor ) || blue is very mild mannered for the most part, save for any jokes he likes to make. however, there is someone on campus who absolutely makes his blood boil. whether this person dislikes blue for his lack of wealth and sophistication, his inherent need to never pick sides, or his immediate abandonment of respect for blackthorne once the truth came to light. or perhaps he made a joke in their early days that rubbed this person the wrong way, and a toxic environment has persisted since then. i imagine this relationship has escalated to violence, and for whoever picks this up i’d really love to delve into their hatred and flesh out their angst !

there are plenty more connects on the page and like i said, i am literally happy to plot anything under the sun. (~:

thank you so much for reading ! if you made it all the way here ?? you’re a h*cking legend lmfao. if there’s anything here that stood out to you please hit me up either on tumblr dms or via discord ( my user is lilac 🍕#1835, or kjgdgdf the person with the crying squidward icon in the gc lmfao ). as there are quite a lot of members here, please like this here intro if you are interesting in plotting/writing with me so i know !! i’ll check out your beautiful intro and Throw (or rather, gently pass you) some ideas your way if you haven’t messaged me first. <3 but thank you so much again for making it to this point, here’s a proverbial cookie for your troubles. it’s double choc chip, enjoy it. (~:

#gallagher:intro #this was... so long aND IM SO SORRY #thank y'all for all being literal angels and making me feel so welcome (':#( ooc ; i have the power of god & anime on my side ! )

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inaudiblemon · 4 years

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Yesterday, I had coffee with a friend, who’s going through her own brand of Hard Times™ (we encourage each other to get out of the house, and we chat over coffee, for mutual support) and we talked about how we perform our online selves. I talked about how toxic it is to circle the same three social medias and go down the drain of negativity, as my depressed brain cannot focus on anything else. Because of that negativity, I’ve felt more combattive than usual, and I felt it comes out in how I behave online, but she disagreed.

I’ve been posting in the Pokémon Reddit reminding people that it lacks humanity to ask people to prove they’ve received death threats (things got intense in the Pokémon fandom lately). I saw it as just adding to the discourse war, but she saw it as standing up for people and defending moral decency.

I’ll sometimes post articles about La Francophonie on Facebook, and I’m usually pointing out some injustice or discrimination. I saw it as complaining, but she reminded me that I always speak about it with nuance and compassion, and that I end up getting responses from people who appreciate my take, or feel like I highlighted something they’ve lived but could never put into words, and some even share other related experiences, most often in ways that are considerate and valid; I create spaces for wholesome discussions.

It was nice being reminded of that, and it’s something I like about myself.

It reminded me of this article that I talked about today at our Grad Student meeting; my thesis supervisor, who is a wonderfully compassionate person, noticed that some of us felt that grad school wasn’t worth it, or otherwise had been dealing with issues surrounding that, so we talked about it. I was maybe in the best/worse position to speak to it, since I’ve been DEEP into the rabbit hole of that thought spiral for months. She asked us also what motivates us, and I said that it was knowing the people I’m studying (young adults with mixed linguistic backgrounds) feel seen and validated by what I’m working on whenever I talk about it. I see that my compassion and understanding stance is an asset to research, and I want to find ways to share my findings beyond academic conferences and journals. I don’t want to write for academia, I want my shit to reach beyond that and have it accessible for everyone. That’s the only reason I haven’t fully given up yet.

I see the value I add to to humanity in how I interpret the world; a lot can be said about if it’s worth the personal burdens I’m taking on, but unfortunately, I’ll only be able to know once it’s over (but I mean, at the expense of my whole mental health and $30k worth of debt, I fucking hope it’s worth it).

Despite this, I still wonder if I should or should not keep posting on the social medias, especially Instagram, or at least, post more honestly. A part of me wants to, but another part of me feels forced. It sometimes feels like keeping up appearances that things are okay, when clearly they are not. I’m not sure I’m at what point I’m comfortable being public about how my brain-machine broke and there are no more McFlurries to be had, but I see the value in being open about it. I’m sure I’d have a full, nuanced and compassionate take on discourses around mental health, and I’m sure the way I’d frame it would speak to a lot of people and not just be vapid noise about “ending the stigma”, but more so on how being depressed is a bitch, and we all need to be easier on ourselves. But also, does it also constitute getting back into the race with a broken leg?

That said, I’m surrounded by lovely people who care a lot (yes, including you Catherine), and that’s really great and I hope I return the favour (and am not too much of a burden with my problems). I’ve been working at trying to give myself the same kindness I’ve been shown, and while things are hard (every resolution I’ve land upon recently has it’s own set of difficulties or creates other problems), I’d like to keep hope that if I keep working at it and eliminate enough problems, things should get easier at some point.

#Sorry it's another long one Cat #Thesis supervisor also advocated for me taking an official leave of absense #But I can only do that once my name comes up on the waiting list for the mental health clinic in 3-4 weeks from now #And take out a loan from the bank to sustain my living needs #And possibly also confront my parents

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queenangst · 5 years

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advice for high school??

advice for high school:

put yourself out there. i know high school is big and scary, but it's new. you're going to know people who you've seen all your life and people who you have never met before, probably. don't be afraid. sit next to someone new in chemistry and... bond. ask to squeeze in a lunch spot. smile at your teachers, say hello. join clubs. it's 2-4 years of your life, so find your people.

stop thinking about the numbers. this is one of the hardest things when you're surrounded by a pressured environment from all sides - teachers, students, parents. but let me tell you that you have to learn when to care and when to not. which times to fight and which times to let go. you might get your first 35 on a test. you might be ranked far behind your other classmates. not every homework has to be done well, just done at all. not every grade has to be an A, because in the end higher academic institutions care less than you think and not every "bad" grade is the end of the world. and if you don't do so hot on something, feel a little bad and then keep going. no use in dwelling, just do better next time. (sometimes just give up. don't do an assignment. take the 0. sometimes you need the time, or the break, and it's not worth doing.)

freedom. high school is the first taste of bigger opportunities in learning. choose classes you might have an interest in over what will boost your gpa or whatever. take art, take music, something creative, even if you are a stem student through and through, you don't have to do well but this will enrich your life and give your brain something different that isn't numbers or grammar or whatever. and creativity fosters community.

communicate with your teachers. some teachers accept nothing late ever period. some teachers procrastinate. actually a lot of teachers procrastinate they're really just like you. whatever the case talk to them. if you're having trouble understanding high school teachers often have some form of out of class tutoring/tutorials before, after, and even during school (such as at lunch). if you are sick, if you want them to look over a paper, if you need an extra day to finish your project and make it good, talk to your teachers. they want you to succeed. they cannot always be lenient for personal or academic reasons, but they will understand. and them knowing is better than them not.

get sleep. i mean it. 6 hours at least. 7 is good. 8+ is best. if you can't, at least sleep for some amount of time even if it's 30 minutes. if you can't sleep, still lie down for a bit in the dark and let your body rest even if your mind won't shut off. you will thank yourself in the morning.

do your damn homework. just do it. there's a lot, some of it is useless, but a lot of it is not. homework is meant to help you retain the info that you learned in class, or even learn more info that you will not cover in class.

on top of #6, read the textbook and listen in class. sometimes it's boring. just do it. you don't have to take notes but they definitely help, and notes never have to be pretty they just have to be legible to you. it can be bullet points. it can be diagrams. it can be a treasure map of weird associations. draw angry faces next to notes about dead historical figures. whatever works for you.

teachers are resources. ask if you can record lectures. see if they have a google classroom or someplace online where they post notes and powerpoints. ask for websites and further reading. ask for HELP.

study a lot, have fun a lot. i know every day is limited and you're going to be tired all the time. i know. i was there. ib was working us to the bone from the moment we went in to the very last exam. but on the weekends and after school, every now and then do something with your friends that isn't going through your math homework together. see a movie. get coffee, or boba, or tea, or whatever the hell y'all drink these days. go to a museum. find free activities. swim. talk to your friends outside of an academic environment and you will be closer and dearer. and you will not regret it.

you're allowed to disagree with your authority figures. so parents/guardians/teachers. don't overstep your boundaries but as you learn and grow there will be times that they are wrong and you are right. in many different situations... but most especially about you yourself, a person.

reach out. talk to someone when you're hurt. theres going to be a lot of new experiences in high school and some of them will be bad. please talk to your friends. your parents if you can. talk to a teacher you trust. sometimes school counselors suck but part of the job, regardless of if they are doing well or not, is listening to you, and it's meant to be confidential. and if you're worried about someone else for gods sake talk to an adult.

you are still a kid. please don't stress too much about matters that are bigger than you and things that are too much for you to control. you are almost an adult but you are not, you are grown up but you are not. do kid things. you don't need to be super strong, or super mature, or act ten years older than you are. you don't need to prove anything.

pursue your interests, and good things will follow. i mean this in every sense. your health. your mind. your attitude. your college applications. (seriously, everyone has done the volunteer hours and everyone has the grades and everyone has what you have. show that you're human.)

be awkward. be weird. there are so many different kinds of people but someone will be like you, and someone will like you. be happy, and others will see it.

don't put your burdens unnecessarily on other people. or yourself. here's the truth: if all you talk about is how bad you are, how you aren't getting anywhere in life, how the numbers aren't good enough, then no one will stick around for long. you will surround yourself in something bad that people don't want to be around. like mentioned, talk to someone. friends are the most comfortable but not always the most appropriate. im not saying to keep your thoughts to yourself, but adults > other emotional, struggling, hormonal teenagers in terms of being equipped to handle tough situations. people want to help! but when all you talk about is yourself and your trouble, and not listen to other people, talk about things that make you happy... you're going to lose something.

college is a big deal but also not. please don't worry about it until junior and senior year.

failure is inevitable. take it.

surround yourself with people who are better than you, and who you like, and who like you. surround yourself with people who you aspire to be similar to. you will do better and you will want to do better.

keep organized. good god. please do not be like that one guy in my math class. one day my classmate and i got so fed up we cleaned out his backpack for him and shoved things into folders and begged him to stay organized. folders. binders. accordian folders. just use something im pleading you. it's going to be 2 minutes before class and you realize you can't find your homework or turn in a wrinkled, stained paper. also keep some sort of schedule and task list or else you will be that guy that goes "wait we have a TEST today?"

halo effect. first impressions are important, even if you can overcome bad ones. show up on time. sit in the front even though it's scary, because midyear you'll realize you have been doing badly because you sat in the back and can't see or hear over the two girls who gossip in front of you. smile. say hello. ask questions. raise your hand. you can be wrong. you can be wrong. you can ask stupid questions.

ask your teachers if you can eat in class. my 4th period teacher (after lunch) was fine with us eating, so id take lunch to study sometimes and eat then. i always ate breakfast during 1st period bc when i got up it was too early for my body to take more than a little. most teachers are okay as long as the smell isn't strong and lasting, and you clean up. have a snack so you don't crash. don't forget to eat either. please eat lunch, and some teachers will give you snacks if you ask, and if you don't have money please just... ask someone for a share or to borrow some cash. it's okay. you need to eat.

there is so much more. school might be all you know. but stop and enjoy life. if you worry about college you're going to spend 4 years looking forward and not enough at the present, and you're going to lose your precious time. there is so much more.

you're going to change. a lot. you will be a completely different person. that's normal. you're gonna be a little embarrassed. like the person you become, and become a person you like. make good choices. be kind. have heart.

enjoy high school, kid. good luck!!! it was honestly a rewarding and wonderful time, and that was in part bc i made it so.

#advice #high school #asks

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finokoye · 4 years

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Mozfest 2019 writeup: Using IoT to Measure Outdoor Air Quality in Africa

As part of Mozfest 2019, I attended a session in the Openness space called ‘Using IoT to Measure Outdoor Air Quality in Africa’. The session was going to be led by Warukira Theuri who wasn’t able to make it* (for reasons I learned later which I’ll add a note about below).

There were about a dozen of us gathered so in the spirit of Mozfest... we kind of put our own session together on the topic.

This post is to document what was discussed. I take no credit for the topic, and advise anyone interested to follow/contact Warukira who is clearly an amazingly talented and smart young woman.

The session was facilitated using techniques I’ve picked up through my design jam facilitation days. The basic steps are:

Check in - a quick round of introductions for people to say their name, who they are and what they hope to get out of the session

Ideation - individually, everyone has 10 minutes to write down their thoughts on the topic. These could be challenges, questions or general comments

Clustering - what themes arise from people’s notes?

Discussion - normally in a design jam we would want to format the themes into ‘how might we?’ statements to help frame the future prototyping and research.

Discussion part 2 - taking the role of the critic, what are the questions, new provocations, criticisms we can think of?

Ideation - based on the themes that have been identified, what could help address these issues?

Check out - we swap contacts/social media handles and say ‘til next time!’

What themes came up?

As a group we noticed our thoughts and questions could be divided into a couple of core themes:

What standards do we build IoT products to?

Should we look to EU standards?

Questions were raised around ipv6 and general security of devices

Are there lessons from environmental tech for protecting and monitoring endangered wildlife for privacy paradigms? e.g. rhino tracking

How can we ensure quality of data created by IoT devices?

Does it match with quality of other public data assets?

What is the right hardware?

How do we learn to make the hardware?

Are there IoT devices that can boost wireless strength (to help deal with issue of lack of connectivity in rural areas)

Are there any accessible courses to learn how to program for IoT?

A diagram of our ideas mapping can be found here: https://docs.google.com/drawings/d/1U_OVPPGElw0b3F4T0cLANYlDUDEyuFu68nQDxPtqrNA/edit?usp=sharing

Some provocations...

“OK, the air sucks - now what?”

This connected to question about how one turns data into action. Reporting that pollution levels have changed is one thing but is that enough to convince local councils? Is there a social/political organising aspect to support community tech?

Who else is doing this around the world - can we work in solidarity?

What are models of successful activism [informed by data obtained from open source IoT]

IoT will collect data for AI. Where does the responsibility lie?

Any good resources?

We ended the session by sharing potential resources that could help us all address these questions. The resources range from regulatory, to service design practice, to people working on similar projects facing similar obstacles (one thing that came up was that actually the dynamics of local politics and access are very similar whether in East Africa or Western Europe!).

Here is the list we put together:

Papers and research

Global information society watch 2018: Community networks

Community networks: the internet by the people, for the people

Designing Connected Products

Community centred tech

Luftdaten (Berlin)

Internet Society

Afrinic

Web Foundation

Women’s Rights online research

Design

This is Service Design Doing

Decolonising Design

Global Design Jam community

Campaigning

Friends of the Earth, Scotland - FYI, there are global networks so find your nearest one!

Regulatory

European Environmental Agency

Data

52 North wiki - specifically work on specific project called “sensor web”

SOME FURTHER COMMENTS

At a later conversation, I learned that the reason Warukira wasn’t able to make it was due to the “usual” UK government hostile environment idiocy which messed up her visa application.

I intend to write about this in a bit more depth but as someone who has attended Mozfest before and tends to hang out a lot with the folks attending from Kenya, Tanzania and Nigeria, this isn’t unusual. However, what struck me was the attitude of ‘us’, us in a collective sense meaning the hosts, the volunteers etc etc.

To me, the spirit of Mozfest should also be about solidarity as much as it is about people having fun, ‘just getting involved’ and having a can-do DIY attitude. Maybe it would have put the organisers into too much trouble with the authorities, but honestly, I wish more of us attendees and fellow facilitators could also have known about all the amazing people who weren’t able to make it because of the UK governments despicable policies, so that at least we - as the Mozilla family - can show our support and solidarity.

Now as I said, this happens every year and honestly at this rate will keep on happening - it will probably even get worse, so long as the conference remains in Europe, which it will. In the meantime, what those of us with relative privilege can do is to call it out, let our governments and local councillors know that we know what’s going on and that this is NOT OK. As a community, we should be explicitly talking about the fact that our fellow civic technologists are being unfairly treated due to neo-colonial nonsense. At the very least, this repeated issue with visa applications is an important lesson for the younger generation of technologists and academics in countries like the UK, Germany, France, Belgium, Spain, the US, Canada; in countries that are only at the top of the pile because of centuries of colonialism and occupation, to demonstrate why we cannot imagine technology is somehow in an ivory tower that will never be affected by politics.

I’ll stop there because I’m working on a proper article about it, especially now my initial fury has eased so I can talk a bit more thoughtfully about this.

In short, it would have been amazing to meet Warukira in person but I want to say a huge thank you to her for putting in a kick-ass session which provided an opportunity for us to discuss some really fascinating ideas and to learn from each other.

#mozfest #mozfest19 #workshops #visa #hostile environment #civic tech #tech activism

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v-le · 5 years

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Ktravels/Klife: Halfway through it all / 첫 학기 끝 !

Foreword: I am almost done! I am almost done with my first semester at Yonsei… damn.

I honestly cannot believe that time flew by so fast. I’ve mentioned this before, but I had been thinking about studying abroad for over a year before coming here. And now that I am about halfway through with this experience… damn, I just have no words. Jk I do, which is why I’m writing this right now lol.

My favorite parts about Korea so far: it is my emotional, musical wonderland. More on that later, but… it’s heart-warming to hear so many of my favorite, treasured artists occasionally on the streets or in a café. And no, not K-pop lol I know nothing about K-pop anymore. In terms of café culture, it’s a love and hate relationship because some of them are just so expensive sigh. BUT, after going to so many different cafes like all around Seoul, I have come to actually have specific preferences for what constitutes a gr8 café (for studying specifically bc that’s all my friends and I mostly do at cafes anyway LOL) hehe:

AFFORDABLE!! No normal person should be paying like 7 or 8 bucks for a goddamn coffee. Base price for drinks should be around 5,000 won. If their iced caramel macchiato costs more than 5,500 won, the place is too expensive. If it’s less than 5,000 won,

Reasonable cup sizes! Or better, LARGE ONES! (안녕, 낯선 사람 in hongdae has some super bang-for-your-buck coffee drinks, the best I’ve seen!! :^))

Music that isn’t too loud

OUTLETS. OUTLETS ARE A MUST.

Plentiful seats so that it’s never too packed & large-enough tables

Nice temperature (aka not too cold in the winter, not too hot in the summer)

You can sneak in outside food & eat it blatantly even if there are signs saying not to, and no one will ever say anything

Not too crusty: cozy, but clean

A nice, well-maintained bathroom

It may seem impossible to find the perfect café that could meet all of these expectations, but honestly there are just SO many cafes in seoul, that if you search hard enough or have enough luck, some will be out there somewhere :^)

ALSO can I address the business turnover rate here?? Is this why Seoul is considered a fast-paced city?? So many times, my friends I have tried to go to cafes or restaurants or stores we’ve seen online or found on Kakao/Naver Maps, only to arrive and discover that THEY’RE GONE. Even if I did thorough research and found a blog post of a place from 2 months prior, the place is just POOF, disappeared into thin air. This has literally happened countless times and we are flabbergasted each time LOL. As limited as the database of 맛집’s and cafes already is online, the Internet & maps can’t even keep up to date with information either. Businesses open up so randomly fast, too it’s crazy… Mangoplate, the supposed “yelp” of Korea honestly is not that useful either LOL it usually has places on the pricier side, it is also not always up to date, and I just feel like Seoul/Korea has way too many places & businesses worth trying that they can’t even all fit into one database. There are just so many of those un-documentable places. So I suggest: find a neighborhood, go with your friends, take a stroll around the place, and try to stumble upon a place of your liking. Unless you can read Korean & utilize naver blogs (slightly more extensive and useful than mangoplate but still not 100% reliable all the time), then walking around is probably your best bet rather than attempting to do research online. Trust me.

Hmm what else is there… It’s really nice to be able to get/buy anything pretty easily, with convenience. I am afraid I will get too used to this once I go back to the states.

I think once the work started to pick up later in the semester, I definitely started falling into a routine of going to my morning class & then leaving sinchon to run errands elsewhere in Seoul, or simply doing work in the business building which quickly became my go-to spot because 1) outlets, 2) can eat food 3) very nice facility, literally sparkling 4) on campus. It kinda hurts to think that this short-lived routine will be over quite soon, but maybe next semester will be a little more exciting.

Although I haven’t been speaking as much Korean as I would like to, I do feel like my Korean has improved to an extent: (very slightly) vocab-wise, reading-wise, and writing-wise. It is honestly SO refreshing to finally be learning Korean in a formal, classroom setting. It honestly makes me regret not doing it sooner. Why did I lock myself up in my room for 8 years and only settle for learning on my own?? Sigh, it’s okay. I can only get better from here, right? As much as I hate the timing of KLI, I still really do enjoy the class nonetheless and I feel some sort of… growth? I appreciate how all my background knowledge of Korean has helped me up to this point as well. That at least, I can be proud of lol.

With languages and culture in general, throughout the semester, for the first time ever, I got to reflect on how valuable languages are. It is so interesting; I’ll try my best to explain my realizations, but it might come out as gibberish in the end… I really think anyone that has been born & raised in the US should spend a prolonged amount of time abroad. As homogeneous of a society Korea is, being here has opened my eyes to the global society. The society in which multiculturalism is embraced, there is no one correct language of communication, and every member listens to the various cultural values of one another without judgement. I never thought of English as being a powerful language. In fact, I honestly think I have been taking English for granted. I have never realized the immensity of the English language, how the rest of the world vies to master it, and how I have been blessed to have grown up with English as my native tongue. But on the flip-side, learning other languages is just as worthwhile. Communicating in a different language is literally honing a different perspective, mentality, and set of values. You can try to translate target languages into your native tongue for ease of comprehension. Or, what I have come to deeply appreciate and understand is, you can and should take the target language as it is. In order to connect with the language and consequently the culture, stop thinking in terms of your native tongue. Doing this to a deeper extent in Korea than I ever did before has felt extremely rewarding: it makes the language dynamic and exciting to learn. It has led me to cherish specific words or phrases, more so than I already did before arriving here. And it really is just… beautiful. LEARN A SECOND LANGUAGE! EXPLORE GLOBALIZATION!

Quite frankly though, I am disappointed that I haven’t been able to go to as many places as I would like, within in Korea. Okay more like: I am super grateful for the gorgeous places I have been to, but I also wish I could’ve visited those classic, “must-see” places like Busan, Jeju-do, Jeonju, Daegu, etc. I did however, visit lesser known, less expecting (??) places like Gangwon-do (Jumunjin Beach, Gangmun Beach, Gangneung, Yeongwol, Jeongseon, Pyeongchang) & Gyeongju & like Anyang & Seongnam…? Do these last two even count LOL theyre just smoller cities outside of Seoul… but yeah, I guess I’ll just have to save Busan and Jeju and the others for next semester… when I’m not as broke hopefully lmao.

But forreals, I actually really appreciated my trip to Gangwon-do even though it was technically an assignment for one of my courses called “New Media and Digital Storytelling” (shoutout to prof ted for supporting us with this valuable experience!!) because it was literally a breath of fresh air. Seoul is constantly jampacked with people and cars and smog and noises, but Gangneung was still a city, still just as civilized, but much quieter. Granted, nothing much happens out there and some parts are straight up just farming grounds, but the beaches have these stunning sunsets that look like they’re straight out of a graphically-altered fantasy movie. It was stunning and the image still lasts behind my eyes to this day.

One of the other things that I have been struggling to accept is that fact that I feel… unproductive in life? I wish I put myself more out there this semester. Even though I met a good number of locals and have had a few valuable conversations, I never deeply connected with any of them. Plus, almost all of them are going abroad next semester or graduating ☹. I also did not join any clubs or organizations or sports teams nor did I get a job or an internship or do any tutoring or volunteering on the side… I have just been going to class, occasionally spending a lot of money, and then spending some more. Last year at UCI, I feel like I ran into my freshman year with a fiery heart: I joined the badminton team, became a part of the Antleader Mentorship Program (AMP, which I miss so dearly with all of my heart) in fall & winter quarter, and took all upper division education courses my spring quarter as well as fulfilled my fieldwork major requirement by tutoring at a Kindergarten class for 6 hours every week. But coming to Korea, everything felt stagnant. Academically, career-wise, I feel like everything has been on a pause. Granted, many people could tell me that “Oh, you just being in Korea is already so much more than you need! You are doing more than enough, don’t worry”. But am I really?? I beg to differ. I am honestly pretty disappointed in myself and at this point all I can push for is to try to get more involved next semester. It has also been hurting to know that I have been digging into my precious savings that took over 2 long years to build up so quickly :(.

SO yeah, as great as Korea has been, it’s also been money-draining and disappointing from a personal-growth kind of view. Maybe I’m being too hard on myself, but that is also simply my reality. I think I am also choosing to be hard on myself because my luck with all my favorite artists has just been… totally undeserving.

I feel so blessed and “but why me??” at the same time. I have gotten to see Roy Kim four times live (fifth time will be this coming Sunday; the Seoul shows were blessedly scheduled the weekend right before I leave) & he released a new song in September. Eddy Kim, whom ive been waiting 4 years for to come back, finally did so right in the middle of my time here. Fromm, my extremely beloved indie goddess for YEARS now, released a new mini album in November; I got to see her 3 times live, and even attended her breath-taking solo?? Alone?? Personal? 그냥 단독 콘서트. Sam Kim, who I first listened to when I was 15, who has saved my life so many times with his music, finally released a FULL-length album 2 years and 6 months since his debut EP. Not only was I selected to go to his album’s release showcase, but I also got to a meet him through a fansign event. Oh yeah, I also met Fromm through a free fansigning & Eddy Kim through his new album’s fansign event, too. (I will post about these artist-meeting experiences separately because I feel like these three occasions alone have taught me so much). I saw DAY6 live for their third-year debut anniversary and I could feel the immensity and sincerity brimming from their voices, especially with an unfortunately missing member from stage; I will be seeing them soon for their newest music release, which also happened to come out this December. Nam Woohyun of Infinite, the group that I gave my heart to for over a third of my life, the group that I owe so much of my existence to, released another solo mini album, and I was lucky enough to even attend day 3 of his solo concert series; I saw a few other members of Infinite, I could feel my 12-year-old heart screaming & flailing & crying & apologizing from within because I’ve missed them for so long now, and I even heard a never-before released track from him as well. It was a miracle; I saw Woohyun & glimpses of the others on November 4th. Almost exactly 5 years ago in 2013, on November 11th, I went to a concert for the first time in my life and saw those very own loves with my own eyes: Infinite.

ALL OF THESE. ALL OF THESE EVENTS. Have been a blessing. Have been some sort of indescribable, boundless, breath-taking stroke of luck. I promise you, just luck. Roy just somehow decided to take a break from school at Georgetown THIS semester. Eddy Kim, Fromm, Sam Kim, Woohyun, and DAY6 all just somehow decided to release new music within the last half of this year. ME, I, just somehow decided to study abroad not as a 3rd year nor a 4th year, but a mere 2nd year. I decided to leave my home university barely 1 year in, and go to Korea. Just because. Because it felt right and I knew I wanted to, I knew I had to. But never could I have predicted any of these things to happen. Never in a million years. The very artists that I had only been listening to and watching from my computer screen for years as I hid beneath the deep blankets of my bed, the artists that have made me cry on cue because of how beautiful, meaningful, and healing their music is, the artists that seem to barely exist on the Internet, that are so lowkey and precious that I feel like I am the only that really listens to and loves them, the very artists that make my world revolve, that push me to go on when I want to give up, that I owe so much of my life to, all decided to release music, suddenly be active, hold events, and meet their fans in one way or another. Right. When. I am here, too. This sort of timing in life is nothing I had control of. It was all luck and I am just so deeply, infinitely, perpetually, until the end of this world, thankful. Every day I am so thankful. I didn’t ask for any of this, I didn’t hope for it, I didn’t even think about the possibility of these events happening in my life. But they did somehow. And for that, I am just so so so grateful. It’s just crazy to think that years ago, as a sophomore in high school. My heart would bulge with immense affection for these people & their music. They were unreal, almost-fantasy-like existences that made life-saving music and that I cherished so immensely. But little did I know 4 or 5 years later, this could happen to me. That there was actually a worth to loving these almost “nobody” musicians. I just constantly feel like I am always receiving from them, and never giving back. I really do owe them so much. Thank you, to my beloved artists. For everything.

Moving on to the people that have made my first semester here at Yonsei even brighter: our dumbass squad consisting of lil hoorey, 왕언니 ana, smol laura, dumbass closted weaboo Wilson, & even dumber josh LOL I am so blessed to have met such funny, stupid, understanding friends. Before arriving to Korea, I was STRESSED that I wouldn’t be able to find friends because I hate alcohol, I hate clubbing, I hate mainstream K-pop and simply many parts of popular Korean culture are things that I am not particularly a fan of. But thankfully, I have found an endearing group of friends that share these same sentiments. These reliable people have honestly shaped so much of my experiences here and I am forever thankful. IT JUST SUCKS THAT I AM THE ONLY ONE STAYING FOR A YEAR LOL. But yes, thank you friends, for everything <3 .

Have I exhausted all of my thanks at this point?? Probably not. But I’ll save those for my own heart and mind to cherish. Going abroad was and has been and will be an experience that I don’t think I could ever properly express with words alone. I think it’s always like that when it comes to these rants LOLLL. I rant because I need to vent these feelings and emotions and flaring thoughts. But I just end up struggling to articulate everything and get my heart across properly. Sigh.

Homesickness? Is this something I was supposed to address? Maybe exchange students are probably expected to always talk about this. But for me, it was a nonexistent notion. Being born and raised in the bay area, having lived in the same exact house, having slept in the same creaky, old bed for 18 years in a row, has provided me with a comfort that I probably take for granted more than I should, but has also left me with an intense urgency to explore more, see more, do more, and just breathe more. The Bay Area can be extremely toxic and suffocating in so many ways, and it a space that I know I can go back to whenever my heart desires, but it is also a space that I do not wish to prolong my stay in any further. My immediate family has also never been a significant part of my life: I have never relied on them for emotional nor mental support. Maturing into an adult with this sort of detachment has hindered and helped me in countless ways. There were definitely times throughout my life where I despised them for the way in which everything turned out. For how miserable or lonely or stuck or negligent I sometimes felt. But I know that without that detachment, I would not be where I am today. To my next semester at Yonsei, you look questionable, daunting, and exciting. I honestly can’t even begin to imagine what will be in store for me. All I can wish for is health & happiness.

가즈으으아!!~

#korea #yonsei university #should this be called klife or ktravels i have no clue #i am quite confused about myself still #i am also currently very sleepy #i cant believe it's coming to an end so quickly..

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