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#and i've never been able to but the other day i was like well i'll just make it a destiel poem. and suddenly it worked
da-proti-toku-grem · 17 days
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my mom found this super detailed online test that helps you find careers that you'd probably like according to your answers (ofc we know that it's just a test and it doesn't mean you have to study what they give you, but i just can't find anything that i like and i'm running out of time, so we were like, why not yk) so, i took the test and after 30 minutes of answering questions you know what i got? biotechnology. the same career that i chose last year and the one i dropped out of in january.
idk if i want to laugh or cry tbh
#i mean it gives you more than one option but this was the one with more compatibility#and the other ones are also a big no for me so...#god idk what to do with my life#and atp i can't help but start thinking (again): did i drop out bc i didn't like the career or bc my mental health is SO bad#i think it's a combination of the the two bc yeah i probably would've enjoyed the few months i did at least a bit more if i wasn't depresse#but i REALLY didn't like it#tho then again i don't know what changed bc it WAS what i wanted and then i got there and i went NOPE almost immediately#and like i know your opinions can change and that is good that i dropped out if i realized that's not my thing#but i can't help but wonder if it is really not my thing or is my brain just not letting me enjoy the things i like?#bc every option i've been looking at to start next year is like... No#i can't find anything i think i might enjoy at least a little bit#i found this university that i gives you the possibility of doing the classes and exams online and everything#and that would be to study 'translation and interpretation' with english & french (& spanish ofc)#and since i'm already bilingual in english & i've a certificate in french (not bilingual but is smth) i would be able to skip some subjects#which is good i guess and i like languages but it's also like the opposite of what i've been doing my whole life bc i studied science in hs#and then again idk if i'll like it or not#and i know i won't know if i like it or not until i try it out and everyone is like 'well if it's not your thing then you drop out again'#which i mean is true i Can but god i don't want to go through all this again i need at least a bit of certainity or i'm gonna go insane#also i've been searching for so long w/o findinf anything that my parents are already saying#'well if you don't want to study you'll have to look for a job'#and if the thought of studying a carreer is already scary#if i have to look for a job rn (there are not many options here if you don't have a degree)......#the thought itself makes me sick :/#i just don't know what to do and i'm so fucking tired i just want to curl up in bed and not do anything for at least 2 months#(am i having another existential crisis after that panic attack 3 days ago or did the existential crisis not stop since january?)#(probably sooner)#(i guess we'll never know........)#venting#maca speaks
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slugandthorn · 2 months
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Putting my journal down realizing maybe I shouldn't make a written plan to socialize more efficiently
#.txt#Is efficiently the right word. Diary entry incoming.#Going back and forth in recent days with feeling okay with one sided social stimulation and that's just kind of how my brain works#And recognizing I will not look like a well rounded person because I'm not able to maintain other people's interest in an acquaintanceship#It is likely. At least some part due to like labor isolation and all I do is work I do not have life events to interest people#All I can talk about is video games but incredibly limits the social pool because I like bad games.#And also to some degree distrust and the assumption my presence is unwanted. Which I've been working on a lot!#Today in particular is probably just a bad day.#And I have been very focused on life plans for the past week or so which has become very daunting#Planning on starting a business this year. Which is probably why I'm stressing about being able to reach people.#As it will become financially relevant and not just a personal failing I have accepted.#Reasonably it is probably a therapy thing to address being so afraid of other people. But I do not want to go to therapyyyy I'll do it.#Myself.#Normally.#Not dipping into woe is me I have no one territory at least as bad as I did when I was younger. Recognizing a pattern that I am enacting.#My responsibility to improve. Yada yada. I just wish it was a bit easier to feel my like. Presence.#And the constant improvement mindset straying into never good enough is very difficult to avoid.#And it's not a matter of being a good enough person to have close relationships. But I think its easiest to ascribe personal failure#When you are unable to do something. Well the most likely culprit is probably never leaving the house and being undiagnosed.#Which I can arguably do things about.#Also I'm tired. But I'm going to work on my resume tonight anyway and hope tummy pain passes and maybe talking to people will be easier#Another day.
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fabcreature · 9 months
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right at the beginning of music school is actually a fantastic time to think "really when was the last time making music or working with music made me happy?"
#don't worry about me this is just my bi-weekly crisis regarding school and my future and my entire identity haha yea i'm fine i'm cool#i'm frustrated bc i haven't actually made progress with music in so long and i haven't made anything i'm proud of for even longer#i'm studying music technology but i don't know shit about it and really i'm not that passionate about it either#there are so many projects that i have in the works that i actually do have to finish bc they're for other people but i just#can't get myself to work on it#my entire life i've been so fucking bad with comparing myself to others#and going to music school i am now surrounded by talented people left and right and i feel so fucking inferior#and i'm one of those people who never studied in school and well that's not rly an issue bc at this school u don't study the traditional way#however what this also means about me is that nothing has ever been difficult for me before and#i simply don't know how to cope with not knowing how to do something#i mean this isn't the first time that i don't know how to do something but#this is the first time that i can't just run away from it and ignore it#and i feel like i'm never gonna be able to graduate from here#i've literally had just two days of school so far and i'm convinced i can't do it#to be fair i was already convinced i'm a failure and a fraud before i started so#also during the first introduction lecture to the school. burnout got mentioned. very. very. very many times.#i'll let you guys know when it gets to me haha#i'm feeling good i'm feeling so good i'm feeling fine [crying my eyes out]#eg posts
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dan-crimes · 1 year
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Me and my issue with always overcomplicating every character I make smh smh
I mean I think part the issue is that I wouldn't even know how I myself would react in a lotta situations cuz you have to think about the specific person, the environment, how I'm feeling in that moment (emotionally and physically), if other people are around and also the type of response I'm looking for
Like in the moment it's a no brainer for me but if I think about a moment in THEORY then I overthink it
Which also leads to me overthinking every possible interaction and response a character will make like idk how they would act in that situation! Is there some sort of backstory reason that they might have a certain reaction to that thing! Have they thought about this interaction before or are they going in without any preperations for this interaction! Do they think before they speak!! How am I suppose to write a character who doesn't think before they speak while I am literally thinking before they speak
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oof i can't handle the angst rn every time i try reopening the fic i read like 3 fucking sentences and start sobbing again
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nexus-nebulae · 2 years
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hmm
#weird thing ive noticed#so when i was Really Severely Depressed in high school#i used an app called daylio to journal my emotions n shit#and my most common entry was 'neutral'#which i always defined as ':/'#but then later when i was more recovered i realised that that 'neutral' was actually Bad#idk how else to describe it other than- feeling nothing or less than nothing or simply an absence of happiness#i just thought 'well i dont feel Good™ so clearly this is neutral'#when really my 'neutral' should really be Okay instead of Meh :/#took me a long time to say 'i feel okay'#like genuinely that was a massive milestone was saying 'i feel *okay*'#not 'i feel happy' or 'i feel good' but just. okay#turns out 'okay' is the neutral for most people. not :/#so now whenever i get days where i'm :/#i'm able to say 'i feel Bad' without even having to think hard#(honestly I say a lot of 'i feel' phrases a LOT. it's like.. the only way for me to process shit?)#(like- 'i'm tired' or 'i'm hungry'- i'll say them out loud without even physically noticing the feeling)#(and my brain goes 'oh yeah! we are! we should fix that' that's how i exist)#but i've noticed i've been saying 'i don't feel good' way more frequently lately#probably the seasonal depression idk#idk if i actually have acutal seasonal depression tbh coz my depression was way more general and not time-based#but i've been calling it seasonal depression coz it's just#mounting anxiety and dread bc i know winter is Bad For My Health#idk.#you know. i was supposed to be set up with a therapist back in august.#fuckers never called me back.#sucks too coz that counseling center actually had a booth at Pride when i went so i was really excited to go there :/
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osaemu · 5 months
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GOJO SATORU: ❛❛ IS IT OVER NOW? (IT ISN'T) ❜❜
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.ೃ࿐ streamer!au: all good things come to an end, including your relationship—but don't worry, broken hearts can be mended, but only if you're both willing to try.
contents: fem!reader. you two break up and make up! you guys fight/break up over something that coulda been resolved with better communication. kinda suggestive ending, maybe i'll drop a part two if this does alright. satoru announces your break-up on his stream. longest fic i've posted so far, 4k words (kms).
author's note: the long awaited angst has finally arrived.. big thank you to @screampied for beta-reading!! tagging @yunymphs who read it early and @sutorus + @kentopedia who i both miss very much!!
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ever since you first joined satoru on his stream, it’s gotten way more popular than either of you could’ve ever expected. before he brought you onto his live, he was averaging about eight thousand views per stream. now, his average was well over fifteen thousand—and that wasn't even including the publicity he got from other websites. when satoru accidentally left the camera on while you two made out, you two went viral on twitter. and when another user tried to swipe him away, the clip got over a hundred thousand views on youtube.
at first, satoru didn't mind the change his stream was going through—in fact, he welcomed it. but lately, things have been… different.
last week, while satoru was playing in some competition, he won first out of hundreds of equally proficient players. had it been anyone else, their comments would've been filled with congratulations and good job's, but in his case, all satoru got were messages asking where you were. that wasn’t the first time—ever since that very first day, when you showed up on his stream, satoru’s audience has entirely shifted. and honestly, if you were in his position, you'd be a bit annoyed. anyone would be. 
but you had never expected that it would be so big of a deal that you and satoru—the "cutest couple on the internet"—would break up over it.
you walk along the chilly, suburban sidewalk up to your boyfriend’s house. satoru had just sent you a message asking if you could come over, and like always, you answered with an immediate yes. a flock of crows fly by, raven feathers providing a stark contrast between them and the pale gray sky around you. it’s gray and gloomy, but not unpleasant. 
a sweet, romantic song plays in your ears as you knock three times on satoru’s front door. his familiar voice calls out “coming!”, and you can hear his footsteps grow louder and louder until he swings open the door. satoru smiles down at you, cheeks already rosy from the cold winter air. “hey.”
you tilt your head and smile back at him. “that’s all i get? hey?” you huff, walking into his living room behind him as the door closes behind you. “d’you have any hot chocolate? i’m freezing,” you say, licking your lips. satoru turns and pauses, an unreadable expression on his face. “satoru?”
after a moment, your boyfriend snaps out of it. “oh, yeah, sorry,” he says ruefully. satoru rubs his eyes with one hand and uses the other to open the door to his bedroom, and as you follow him in, you’re hit with a blast of warm air. “i’m just kinda tired, but yeah, i have some hot cocoa in here. c’mon.”
“anything i can do for you?” you offer, sitting down on the corner of his bed. you’ve been to his house so many times that it feels like home—maybe even more so than your own place. everything about satoru’s room is comfortable, from his plush chairs to the faux-fur blankets draped over every single piece of his furniture. you could probably fall over at any given point and it wouldn’t actually hurt—you’d just land on something soft and/or fluffy.
but that wasn’t all that made you so in love with his home. it was just the way it felt—words couldn’t describe the way everything was just so right and just so perfect, and you really did hope that you’d never have to see a time where you wouldn’t be able to spend time with your boyfriend here.
it really is a shame that all good things had to come to an end. at least, that’s what you kept telling yourself as satoru finally told you why he called you over. unlike nearly every other time, it wasn’t because he missed you or wanted to cuddle—it was quite the opposite, really.
“i don’t think this is working.”
six words that shattered the life you had come to know and love.
“is this a joke?” you try, an unnerved smile spreading across your lips against your will. he doesn’t reply instantly, which is so out-of-character for him that it makes you stiffen up. “satoru, this isn’t funny—”
“i’m not kidding,” satoru murmurs, looking away. he refuses to meet your eyes, and some part of you is still desperately trying to find reason in the chaos that’s slowly taking over your mind. how could it be that everything was just fine two minutes ago and now it’s anything but that? did something happen? did you say the wrong thing? did you—
“it’s not funny,” you insist, still somehow clinging onto your slowly-dwindling hope. maybe you’re in denial, but still, you were sure that everything was fine—no, that everything is fine. there was no past-tense, right? how could the glass home you’d built with your bare hands just crash down at the throw of a pebble?
satoru finally meets your eyes, and your breath catches in your throat. there’s no amused glimmer in his eyes, no “just kidding” in sight, and even worse, you can’t even see an ounce of the love or adoration you’d come to grow so attached to in just a couple months.
“what happened?” you whisper, miraculously managing to keep yourself together. you’d never forgive yourself if you just started crying over a breakup you weren’t even sure was happening—what little’s left of your pride is holding on. you allow yourself to wrap your arms around your chest, curling into your own embrace. 
satoru doesn’t reply for a long second. right when you’re sure he just won’t reply, he does, and it all comes spilling out in a messy stream of words. “it’s just… i can’t do this anymore. i can’t keep going online and seeing everyone on my stream talking about you. i love you, i really do, but it’s just—” satoru shakes his head frustratedly. “i don’t know how to say it, but you know what i mean, right?”
your eyebrows furrow and you shake your head. “you’re breaking up with me because you’re tired of seeing me?”
“no, fuck,” satoru groans, running a hand through his hair. his previously cool and collected demeanor starts to fall apart as he takes a step back. “i don’t know how to explain it, but— shit, you wouldn’t understand.”
you swallow and start to stand up, still willing to try. “then help me understand, satoru, i—”
“you’ve seen the comments, and you’ve seen all the posts on twitter,” satoru says, tilting his head back and glaring at the ceiling. “it’s not your fault, but i really just can’t stand everyone disregarding me and turning my own stream into a youtube channel starring you.”
his words sting like alcohol in an open wound, and you fight the battle of your life to prevent the thousands of tears hiding behind your eyes from being visible. even so, your voice wobbles ever so slightly as you say “that’s a bullshit reason to break up, satoru—”
your boyfriend—is he even still your boyfriend?—scoffs and shakes his head, stumbling back and falling into his chair. "for you, it isn't. you wouldn’t understand. for me, it's like everyone's just... invalidating the three years i've spent on this shit. and i can't do it anymore, i just can't."
you blink slowly, backing away towards his bedroom door. "what does that mean?"
satoru exhales a bitter laugh and turns away, the back of his chair facing you. you think you can hear him take a soft, shaky breath as the room falls silent. neither of you make a sound before satoru turns back toward you, a blank look on his face.
he looks up at you, azure eyes devoid of the sparkle you've become so familiar with. satoru smiles sadly, but to your dismay, there's no real emotion behind it. it's almost like he's already accepted it when he says, "it means we—" he pauses and looks away. "this is over."
you reach out toward him, desperate to hold on to him—to the invisible string that ties you and satoru together, but he's just out of your grasp. "satoru, it isn't even that big of a deal, why are you—"
satoru turns and fixes you with a stern glare, and just like that, the string that kept you and satoru together for months, maybe years snaps, and you're left with a limp strand of what it once was. taking the hint, you walk out of his room in a daze, hardly noticing the way he says "i'm sorry".
and the worst part? he said he still loved you. but apparently that wasn’t enough.
satoru has every right to be annoyed that his stream is only growing because of you—his stream was the way he made money, and after all, it was never meant to be about you. 
and maybe he was never meant to be for you either.
the walk home is cold and lonely. you slip a hand into your pocket—the pocket of satoru's hoodie, which you should probably return to him—and extract your earphones. it probably isn't a good idea to wear both outside as you walk home, but you do it anyway—this day can't possibly get any worse.
a soft voice murmurs words of sorrow and encouragement in your ear as the music takes you to another world. maybe this—the breakup—was meant to happen. maybe it was a mistake to date a boy with thousands of fans.
as soon as you get home, your phone dings softly. you pick it up and frown when you see it's from toru. you'd have to change that name later.
toru: idk if u blocked me already but i still have a lot of ur things, do u wanna come pick them up later?
toru: or i can drop them off tmrw ig
you miss the way he used to text you—with an obnoxious amount of exclamation points and an even worse amount of emojis. now, it's like all of the flavor's gone from his words, and it hurts. that's when it actually settles in, that this is really over. it hurts like an icicle being driven straight through your heart, and it stings like one, too.
satoru's texts are left on delivered for five whole minutes before you reply, and it's only with an "i'll come by tmrw". he likes the message less than a minute later, and you're left to wallow in your misery alone until you finally drift off to sleep.
the next morning, you open your phone to a notification alerting you that satoru’ll be live on stream in ten minutes. curiosity kills the cat, but in this case, maybe it’d be worth it to see what he tells his viewers about your breakup. after all, there’s no way he wouldn’t tell them—he always had something to say about you, and he’d probably rather tell them for sure rather than let them come up with ridiculous theories on their own.
so you hastily make a new account using some email account you haven’t touched since middle school, trying a couple different passwords until you remember the one that works. the website hits you with a hundred questions, asking you about your favorite games and who’d you like to subscribe to first. you choose satoru, albeit after a second of hesitation. two minutes later, sparklingzebra672 joins your ex-boyfriend’s stream. you wait a second, holding your breath as the live loads. a brief moment later, satoru’s painfully familiar face appears on your screen.
“hey guys,” satoru says, forcing a smile on his face. even from behind a screen, you swear you can feel his eyes on you. “how’s everyone today?” 
the already unstable smile on satoru’s face falls when he opens the comments and gets greeted with a flurry of where’s your girlfriend’s. had you been anyone else, you probably wouldn’t have noticed the way satoru’s eyes dulled ever so slightly or the way he curled into himself, but being the girl who once knew him best, you could tell.
“oh, she won’t be back on here for… a while,” satoru starts, dancing around the topic. he leans back against his chair and tilts his chin up, azure eyes focused on the ceiling. “we broke up.”
nothing could’ve prepared you for the way satoru’s comments explode. it’s almost like you can hear the shocked gasps coming from all fourteen—no, twenty thousand viewers as the words nobody thought would ever they’d hear from satoru are spoken.
suguru-geto: holy shit im so sorry 
toji-fushiguro: wait wtf r u kidding?? that's fuckin crazy
yuuji-itadori: omg i thought u guys were together forever :(
inumaki: chat is this real??
satoru shrugs, averting his eyes from the hundreds of comments pouring in, but you scroll through and read them all. everyone, even satoru’s haters, seems genuinely shocked. in fact, had this not been your own breakup, you would’ve been one of them, begging and pleading satoru for more details.
“yeah, we did,” satoru murmurs, eyebrows furrowing just enough for you to read his expression. now that you’re looking closer, you can see the subtle redness underneath his eyes—had he been crying too? and maybe you’re imagining it, but his hair seems a bit dishelved too. your ex-boyfriend shrugs, forcing his face back into his usual lighthearted expression, but it’s not fooling anyone.
satoru scowls at the new flood of comments asking him why you two broke up. some people are already hypothesizing—maybe it’s because you got jealous of his fame, or maybe he got sick of you. maybe you left him to go date some other streamer, or maybe—
“i’m actually gonna end the stream here, ‘cause i don’t really want to deal with all of this right now,” satoru says with a frown. his eyes are narrowed irritably as a couple users protest, still begging for more details. “you guys know that i’m a real person with my own life, right? fuck off.”
and just like that, the stream ends. you’re left with a blank screen and a message saying that satoru’s ended the live, so you shut your laptop. your stomach turns as you groan, just remembering that you have to go over to his place later to retrieve your things, and somehow, you’d have to pretend that you didn’t just stalk his stream to see if he’d say anything substantial about the breakup.
a couple minutes after the stream ends, your phone blows up—every mutual friend you and satoru have is messaging you about what he said, but you can’t bring yourself to open any of them. except for one.
suguru: r u ok?
you: yeah ig
suguru: do u want anything?
satoru’s best friend’s question catches you off-guard—there are a lot of things you want. you want this whole situation to go away. you want the world to disappear. and most of all, you want satoru back, without the online world attached.
but suguru can’t do any of those things, can he? so you leave him on read. 
somehow, you fall back asleep, tossing and turning in your bed without satoru’s steady arms to accompany you. a couple hours later, you wake up again, wincing from the dim sunlight that pours through your windows and directly into your eyes. it’s just past five, so you figure that you might as well go down to satoru’s house and get your things. better to do it now than drag it out for an uncertain amount of time.
the walk is shorter than you remember, but maybe it’s just the absence of music pouring into your ears that makes it seem that way. you watch the wilted autumn leaves flutter in the wind, falling down onto the sidewalk like pieces into place. once upon a time, you had walked these very streets with satoru—it’s a fond memory you remember only all too well.
when you finally step onto your ex’s doorstep, the door opens before you even have a chance to knock. and there he is—the boy who’d once been the love of your life. satoru looks down at you with an unreadable expression. “hey.”
you think you’ve seem this film before, and you didn’t like the ending.
satoru spares you from having to reply by opening the door wider and beckoning you inside. “i already put most of your stuff into a couple boxes, but i thought you’d wanna check on your own. just in case i forgot something.”
you nod and walk past him, not trusting your voice to be steady. this was harder than you expected—much harder. in fact, you’re practically on the verge of breaking down when you step into satoru’s room and look around and see just how different it looks without the touches of you everywhere.
the fortnite poster you’d given him as a joke for the second anniversary of his stream was gone from his wall, and so were the two mini succulents that used to sit on the corner of his desk. the white cat plushie that used to rest on his pillow was gone, too—probably stuffed somewhere in one of the boxes outside his bedroom door.
after nearly a minute of looking around, you decide that whatever satoru possibly could’ve missed wasn’t important enough for you to have to stick around any longer.
you turn and start to exit satoru’s room so fast that you nearly crash into him when he suddenly appears in the doorway. “shit, sorry about that,” you mumble, trying to walk around him. but of course, because the universe is actually praying on your downfall, you and satoru both walk the same way at the same time. you awkwardly try to go around each other, and eventually, the humiliation is over.
“so, you got everything?” satoru asks, walking beside you with his hands in his pockets. you nod, bending over to pick up one of the two boxes. it’s pretty heavy, but not unmanangable. you just don’t really seem to know if you’ll be able to carry both back home at once. 
“oh, uh, i’ll be right back,” you say tentatively. a flash of confusion appears in satoru’s eyes, so you clarify, “i’m gonna go grab my car. that’ll make it easier.”
satoru’s eyebrows furrow and he shakes his head. “no, it’s alright. your place isn’t far from here at all, i’ll just take the other and walk back with you.”
“no, really, it’s alright.”
“it’s the easiest option, ba—” satoru cuts himself off, stopping himself from calling you baby for the first time since you two had started dating. “sorry.”
“let’s just go.”
the walk back to your house is brutal. you walk side by side with satoru since the path is wide enough for you to do so, and you two just keep bumping into each other. had you still been dating, satoru probably would’ve dropped the box and scooped you up instead, kissing your cold face to warm it up. of course, that would’ve added five minutes to your walk, but it would’ve been better than the tense silence dividing you and satoru right now. 
the wind whistles around you, brushing at your skin and making you shiver with every gust—there’s nothing more you’d like than to go home, plop on your couch and cry while watching the titanic for the hundredth time. 
after what seems like three hundred awkward hours later, you and satoru finally make it to your house. “thanks,” you say quietly, setting down your box in front of the door. 
satoru places his next to yours and slips his hands back into his pockets. he nods and replies, “no problem,” but still doesn’t leave.
you cross your arms, and tilt your head, meeting his eyes hesitantly. “umm, do you need anything else?”
satoru coughs tensely and shrugs. “oh, uh, not really, just—” his eyes drift down to your top, and your face grows warm when you realize you’re still wearing his hoodie. 
“shit, my bad,” you mumble, internally cringing and resisting the urge to say every curse word you know. could this day really get any worse?
well, at least satoru looks equally as embarrassed. he shakes his head and gestures for you to keep it on. “it’s fine, it’s kinda cold anyways. keep it.” satoru hesitates, shuffling his feet before continuing, “if you want something… to remember me by.”
what you say next was done entirely against your will. “do you still love me?” you ask suddenly, not sure what otherworldly force prompted you to do so. you instantly regret it when satoru’s face goes even redder, and you can tell it’s not from the cold the way his blush spreads to his ears.
“i— uh, i mean—”
“answer me, satoru, i think i have a right to know.”
he looks away and mumbles something about needing to go back home, to feed his fish or something (he doesn’t have a fish), and you grab his hand just as he starts to turn away. “please, satoru, i need to know,” you breathe, squeezing his hand harder when he flinches. 
ten silent seconds tick by, but you still don’t let go. so satoru sighs, a soft white puff of air coming from his lips. “yeah.”
your heart breaks again.
“then why did you—”
“because i don’t know how to do this,” satoru says, blue eyes darting all over the place. “i love you, i really do, but i just can’t— i don’t like having thousands of people thinking that i’m only worth looking at if i’m with you, it’s annoying and it pisses me off and i don’t want to accidentally take it out on yo—”
you cut him off with a kiss, ignoring the way he yelps a little in surprise. but thankfully, he doesn’t push you away—instead, his arms instantly wrap around you and pull you closer into his warm, warm chest. satoru’s lips are a little dry, but still minty as ever from the peppermints he’s constantly munching on. he kisses you back like a man starved of affection, and when you two finally break apart, his eyes are just as hungry.
“you idiot,” you whisper, trailing your fingers through his hair as tears prick at the corner of your eyes. “you shoulda just talked to me about it first.”
“i know,” satoru mumbles, looking down bashfully. “‘m sorry.”
“you should be.” you pause, watching satoru’s lips curve into a pouty frown. “i’m sorry too,” you murmur, and he looks up, confused. “i should’ve seen this coming.”
satoru shakes his head and presses his lips to your forehead, lingering for a couple seconds before pulling back. “i missed you.”
“i was gone for less than a day, satoru.”
“oh, so you didn’t miss me?”
“i did,” you admit, exhaling a puff of air when satoru smiles smugly. “shut up, it’s not a competition!”
“yeah it is, but fine, you win,” satoru gives in with a dramatic sigh, reaching down and twining his fingers with yours. his hands, which are significantly bigger than yours, instantly warm you up. “but only ‘cause i don’t want you to break up with me next.”
“i hate you, y’know that?” you grumble, leaning into his side and letting satoru kiss the top of your head. he hums in agreement, reaching out and opening your front door. 
“i’m sure you do, baby. now c’mon, let’s get inside n’ warm up. i wanna make it up to you,” satoru says with a grin, bending over and scooping up both boxes. 
“oh, yeah? how do you plan to do that?” you challenge, going inside first and holding the door open for satoru. once he’s inside, you close the door and instantly get pinned against it by satoru, whose hands are already creeping underneath your clothes. “satoru, your hands are col—”
he cuts you off by pressing his equally cold lips to yours, smiling against your mouth as he tugs at your clothes. “i know, baby. but i’ll keep you nice n’ warm for the rest of the night, i promise!”
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bixiaoshi · 1 year
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#thinking.... thinking....... thinking........#abt being a streamer LOL watching ppl stream rlly made me want to do it#what r the chances i meet someone that actually knows abt that stuff#like. in my major or completely random#without feeling ashamed lol like i'd never tell anyone except the 5k followers on a website abt it (all of u)#no but like. i'd need like a gamer pc which i dont have and i'd have to save for (another thing to save for)#aside from the set up like mic and headphones#also . one thing i wouldnt be able to handle well is no one watching me. so hm#but anyways. this is just a wish for now. i hope it doesnt stay as one but. it is#until i figure everything out. i hope i do one day. i rlly want to do it#anyways. enough abt what i desire i feel like i've said too mucg that makes me feel NAKED#the rest of the things will stay between me and god (probably twt w the circle thing or my priv bcs i dont want ppl reading it)#(maybe my journal. who knows bcs that has to do w another thing which is age and feeling like im running out of time)#(no u know what. i'll add one more thing)#there havent been too many things i've wanted to do so much in my life that i actually imagine myself doing but this is one of those things#and like. i rlly hope i get the chance to do it no matter what#my biggest doubt is that im turning 24 this year and lots of ppl who make streams started young so i feel Insecure but thats other problem#i hate hate hate this thought that ur 20s r the prime of ur life and that u must do everything when u're 20 bcs im in my 20s and i feel l#like im running out of time w the amount of things i want to do but im barely 23. im BARELY 23 and feel like im running out of time like#thats fucking INSANE imagine feeling like ur life is ending bcs u're 23 and u're not rlly at a place where u imagined urself to be#but as i said thats an entire other problem. feeling like im running out of time when im just 23.... ugh#ANYWAYS. i feel naked now i hope no one rlly read my tags LOL#jo.txt
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l13 · 10 months
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spiderverse twt links part 2
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WARNINGS : NSFW, 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI, f!reader, the links are literally p#rn, proceed at your own risk
CHARACTERS: miguel o'hara, peter b parker, hobie brown, the spot, spider noir, webslinger
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miguel
♡ miguel playing with your pussy as he sucks on your tits- getting you ready to take his cock, like the good girl you are<3
♡ this is for that one anon that sent me a hc about miguel getting pissed af if he caught you using one of your toys- ((I SAW IT AND IT WAS AMAZING I'VE WROTE SMTH BUT IT'S BEEN ON MY DRAFTS FOR LIKE A WEEK i can't seem to like it no matter how much i edit it but have this<333)) Miguel who then proceeds to snatch the toy from your grasp, muttering how you can't even come even with that. "S good right? Better than me?" "Noo, never- never better than you- oh please baby-" "That's fucking right."
bonus
♡ miguel punishing you when you arrive home after you talking shit all day- purposefully disagreeing on anything he says- even in mission briefs. makes sure to fuck you stupid just to remind you not to pull that shit again<3 "Acting like such a fucking bitch all day- fuck. Just needed my cock that bad, huh? Say it,"
peter
♡ peter whimpering pathetically once he starts cumming- moaning when you don't stop jerking his cock, and he's thrashing around, hips never stopping their little jumps as he whines prettily "I can't anymore- h please ffuckkkk, I ca-aan't," voice cracking as he sobs for you
♡ pussydrunk!peter that starts fucking you like an absolute madman, literally not able to stop thrusting inside of you even after he's cum two times already, his eyes are hazy, can barely focus on anything but he still grabs you by the hair to pull you against him almost harshly, panting hard as he somehow keeps fucking his cock back inside your drenched pussy
♡ peter laying flush against your back, humping you, thrusting his cock inside you till he's crying with you- whimpering and moaning from the way your pretty pussy feels around his cock
hobie
♡ hobie definitely wakes you up in the middle of the night if he can't sleep- pulls your panties to the side and makes you ride him, watching with a hand behind his head as you bounce your ass on his cock- thrusting his hips up to meet the rolls of your hips as he sighs, "Fuck- think I'll be wakin' you up every God damn night, baby.." "Yeah do it- fuckin' make me cum-"
♡ hobie losing his FUCKING mind when he sees you hold your folds open for him- giving him the perfect view of his cock entering your pussy again and again-
♡ no bccc. NO BECAUSEEEEEEE. tell me why he'd do this. he'd def dry hump you till you're both moaning against each other's mouths before he'd fuck you, refusing to remove his underwear from before- saying he likes looking at them all stained with your juices as you bounce up and down his cock<3
spider noir
♡ tw!!!somno noir loving seeing you wear tights/stockings, and absolutely loses his mind when he sees you laying like that on the couch- skirt bundled up on the floor, you'd probably taken it off right before laying down, and fuck- it's so fucked up that he's doing this but he can't help himself as he takes his cock out, slapping it against your ass two-three times before he starts jerking it, slowly, "So pretty for me honey.. 'nd you don't even know it," "Fuck- sorry- I'm sorry- I can't stop, can't fuckin' stop-"
♡ noir letting you control the pace for once as he leans back, supporting his weight with his palms on the mattress as you bounce your ass on his cock vigorously- and he's grunting, muttering praises, until he gets greedy and grabs you by the hips to thrust inside you with a new-found passion, "Did so well for me, such a good girl- unh-" "I'll fuck you so well, don't you worry-" "Won't be able to fuckin' walk tomorrow, honey."
♡ feel like noir would be used to more 'old fashioned' shit so when he met you, he'd become 10x times more freaky- that includes cumming on your face 🤭 he'd be reluctant at first- "Why waste it? You're tellin' me you don't want it in your pussy, hm?" but then he actually does it one time and becomes OBSESSED, "God fucking- I'm gonna cum-" "Where d'you want it sweetie," "Yeah? Ffuck yes- gonna paint your pretty face with my cum-"
the spot
♡ we've established that spot is a certified pussy eater, even without a mouth he'd find a fucking way- he'd just push your cunt into his face hole, and lap at your pussy greedily- moaning as he did so
♡ tw!! pegging jonathon? OH MY GODDDDDDDD and he's moaning so good for you too<3
♡ spot unable to stop pushing his hips back into your hand as you finger one of his holes- the feeling bringing tears into his eyes as he cries out for you<33
♡ him nearly YELLING when he comes inside you- moaning loudly as he pumps you full of his cum<3
webslinger
♡ tw!! breeding kink "Legs up f'me darlin'.... just like that," thrusts into you relentlessly, head thrown back as he literally cannot handle how good your pussy feels around his cock, and he grunts as he pulls out, jerking his cock, his hand shaking, "Can't cum inside you huh, pretty? Can't get you pregnant- not yet-"
♡ him finally slipping and coming inside you- moaning with his eyes rolled back as he feels your cunt sucking him in- "Ah shit- m sorry darlin' I couldn't hold m'self back.."
♡ him pounding you from the back and then suddenly deciding that he wants to watch you ride him instead- (save a horse, ride a cowboy), absolutely looooves watching your face contort in pleasure, your tits bouncing as you guide yourself up and down his cock<3
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Your stories have definitely scratched that Astarion itch that I've had since I started the game!
One thing that's diffently not sat right with me at the end of the game, is how tav and the gang don't run after astarion after he loses his immunity to the sun. I would imagine that if the player character was romantically involved with the guy they would atleast try to shield or comfort the poor guy. A short drabble on that would be awesome!
That's so sad, I heard that's what happens 😭😭 I'm in act 3 and haven't had to see it for myself yet so yes, let's do some preemptive therapy there! And just warning since I haven't beaten the game yet I'm sure this will be inaccurate as fuck, but also with spoilers somehow ~
~
It was an exhilarating feeling, to win against all odds. One that Astarion had never been confident he would experience. It felt good, final. The official beginning of his new free life, even if it was bittersweet.
This was the bitter part, the end of his illithid protection. The sun was barely peeking over the horizon, and the burn was already starting. He was being an idiot, standing there with the rest of you like he belonged, waiting for the last possible second before he had to scuttle down in the darkness. But he wanted to see this out. Hadn't he earned that right?
According to the laws of reality, no. No he hadn't, because you had barely opened your mouth before the pain started to overwhelm him. The others would be able to hear it, the sickening sound of his skin crackling.
He was out of time. But before he could make a break for it, you happened. Astarion had been a little preoccupied with his impending doom to pay close attention to what you had been mumbling. But then sudden blackness was blanketing above your heads, opaque enough to make it as dark as night.
Astarion's eyes widened as the pain subsided, surprised beyond belief.
You were looking at him with concern in your eyes, gesturing to the think cloud of darkness above your head, "Will this be dark enough? Can it still get through?"
Astarion stared at you, momentarily confused on why you would do something like that. Before he remembered, oh. Yes. The extended care for his well-being was probably included in the whole love thing. Of course. Obviously.
That was definitely going to take some getting used to.
But the reasoning didn't stop an idiotic smile from blooming on his face.
You grinned back at him, somehow still managing to read his mind even without the tadpoles, "Did you really think I would forget about you?"
He had, but through no fault of your own. One of these days he was going to actually remember that he was worth the effort to keep alive.
"Thank you darling," Astarion said, ignoring the quested as he waltzed up to you. He grabbed your hand in his, bringing it up to his lips to kiss, "Just what would I do without you?"
"Speaking of," You turned to the Emperor, a question in your eyes as you vaguely waved upward, "Is there anything we can do about this particular problem?"
"The astral tadpole is still-"
"I'll pass on that, thank you very much," Astarion interrupted, cringing at the very thought of willingly letting another worm into his brain, "But I appreciate the thought."
There were worse things than living his life in darkness. And Astarion was counting becoming a mind flayer in the top three.
He watched, participated even in everyone's final goodbyes, always eyeing you at of the corner of his eye. It's not that he thought you would leave after you both declared your eternal love for each other, but... the two of you hadn't exactly talked about the specifics of the future either.
But that didn't stop you from leaving together. Astarion hadn't expected you to keep the dark cloud above his head as you walked the streets, startling nearly every passerby. But hells, the heroes of Baldur's gate had earned the right to a little strangeness.
You both had decided on going to the nearest, most windowless inn that you could find. Astarion wanted nothing more than to scrub the brain viscera from his skin and sleep for three days. Preferably with you in his arms.
But before all that... he had to know something.
The question was out of him as soon as you both were behind closed doors, "So what happens next to the great hero of Baldur's Gate? I'm sure you have something in mind."
He was just praying those future plans still involved him.
You blinked at him, head cocked like he was asking a silly question, "We go and find you a cure so you can walk in the sun again of course. What else would we do?"
That took Astarion aback, "I-Do you think that's really possible?"
"Well," You started, counting off on your fingers, "We know that illithid powers can do it. As well as devil contacts and ritualistic demon sacrifices. If that's all possible then that means there has to be something else on the other end of the spectrum, right?"
Astarion didn't exactly share your blind confidence. But you did have a point. The two of you had managed so many impossible feats in such a short amount of time. What was one more?
"I suppose there's a chance," Astarion said, hope fluttering in his chest with every word, "And if there is a chance no matter how small, I'm going to take it. But..."
He didn't want to ask, but he needed to know, "Are you sure this is what you want? I would... understand if you wanted to go your own way."
In all honesty, Astarion would not understand. He'd be absolutely furious. Especially after everything you'd been through. This was more of a confirmation for his waning self-confidence than anything else, versus a sincere to desire to let you go your own way. He had no intention of letting you go, not if he could help it.
But his near certainty in your feelings was the only thing that gave him the confidence to ask the question in the first place. And you did not disappoint.
"No, this is what I want," You insisted, reaching out to take his hand in yours, "You're what I want."
That was exactly what Astarion needed to hear. He used your joined hands to tug you closer, face to face.
"Good, because as selfless as I am, I really did not want to let you go," Astarion smiled, leaning in to lightly press a kiss to your lips, "I hope you realize that my love has made me a tad bit obsessed with you my dear."
"I'm sure it's no worse than me," You sighed, resting your forehead against his own, "You've really ruined me for anyone else haven't you?"
Astarion grinned, leaning in for another kiss. He had every intention of making it stay that way, for as long as you would have him.
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ch3rriiii-bunn · 1 year
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Pretty thing♡
As a manga reader, tears started running down my legs when I saw haganezuka's face revealed 😍 here's some haganezuka smut for yall
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Warnings: fem!reader, reader is mentioned to be haganezuka's girlfriend, chubby/muscular reader, mention of stretch marks, smut, caught masturbating, virginity loss, love making to rough fucking, cervix fucking(?)
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"Y/n. Serious question. How did you even manage to catch haganezuka's eye?" One of the men asked at your table. "I have to know as well. I've never seen the man take any interest other than a sword. That and working out, " the other man said.
Even though those things were true for haganezuka, you couldn't help but laugh at how others can say that out loud. However, it was different for you. What caught his attention was that you are a woman. Not because he hasn't been around women or anything, but you are a woman who loves to create swords almost on the same level as him which is what caught his attention.
Haganezuka would mention how you were a distraction to his work since he said, "You're so beautiful when you create swords. i might just make a mistake with mine!" He basically confessed. He found you very attractive physically, too, with your pretty face and your chubby figure, but will maintain muscles in your arms from the sword making.
"Come now, even you can bond with the man if you spend time in his work shop and have a talk with him," you chuckled "nah I've done that. I straight up got ignored. " The other man sighed, and you laughed "he dose mean well. He takes great pride in his work, and I really admire that, and he still takes care of himself, which is good as well! Spending time with him in the work shop and getting to have him snuggled up with me at night after a longs day of work is all I need from him" you smiled and the men around you looked in aw at your wholesome words.
After lunch break, you headed back to the workshop. Before greeting your beloved boyfriend, you see him, Angerly packing some stuff up without his shirt on. You sighed and put your hand on your hip. "Let me guess. That Kamado boy broke his sword again, huh?" You chuckled. "I'm going to kill him! Dead! How dare he break MY sword! I'm going to throw his sister in the daylight for this!" He said and rushed out, stomping in anger.
You cleared your throat, making haganezuka stop, and then came back to you. He gave you a hug and then left. "I'll see you soon! Be safe!" You waved.
It's been hours now since he left. You've been in the shop finishing up the sword for three swordsmen and sighed in satisfaction. "Yes. Final sword for the day. For once, I'm happy to be finished, and I can rest now, " you said and sat down on your chair. You looked up at the ceiling. "He looked so handsome without his shirt on... really handsome, " you said, bitting your bottom lip with your legs starting to rub against each other.
You couldn't stop your dirty thoughts, and you didn't think you could make it home given your current state to take care of yourself. You went to wash your hands off and went back to your chair, pulling your pants down to rub at your clit over your panties. "haa... I wish he knew the things he did to me when he's shirtless like that.." Your head falls back, letting out soft moans. You felt yourself getting wet, feeling the wet spot already on your panties.
"Unbelievable!" Haganezuka yelled and kicked the door open. "y/n this child had the nerve to apologize after breaking... my..." haganezuka started to lose his train of words by seeing your back turned to him, sitting on the chair and your pants down to your ankles, making out what he just walked in on.
You gasped, holding your legs to your chest and resting your head on your knees to hide your shame. "I-... okay, listen - ahh, I can't explain myself! Just!!!" You choke onnyour words, not being able to explain yourself. "ok, go back outside, come back in. I'll be dressed, and you can pretend you didn't see anything, " you said.
Haganezuka just stood there for a few seconds before shutting the door. "Go back outside? Why? How come you're doing this without me?" He asked, almost mad and took his mask off. You turn your head looking at haganezuka, confused at his question, "I'm sorry... what do you mean?" You asked
"I'm your boyfriend. I should help you with this, right!? I have knowledge on what to do, " he said, coming closer to you, but you hide your face him, making him stop. "y-you don't "have" to. it's just... well... " You stopped once you felt two large hands caress your shoulders. "I didn't say that because I "should" help you. I said that because I want to damnit. How long have you done with when I'm not here?" He asked curiously but almost upset
"Just.. when I feel like it. Or when I have time to myself. Please don't be mad, I've never asked you because we are so busy with making swords and I know how much you dislike when people interpret your time making swords" you look back at him with puppy eyes. Haganezuka leans down and kisses your forehead. "I do hate it, but if it's my own girlfriend? I allow it... for 3 minutes, " he said, making you both laugh. "I'm serious though," he said in a serious tone. "I know you are" you smiled.
"Okay, cover up now. Let's go. " Haganezuka took his kimono off and put it on your legs, picking you up from the chair. You held onto him quickly. "You're an idiot for not coming to me sooner about this. However... I will take care of this since it's my fault for not noticing the pleasure you needed. It's your first time, so don't think we are doing something like this in my precious work shop, " he said, carrying you and walking out.
"we are having sex at our house!" He loudly announced. "Shut up!" You covered his mouth, almost fighting him. "What is wrong with you!? Don't say that out loud!!!!"
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Haganezuka had you on the bed underneath him, naked and kissing you more passionately than ever. Your hands grab on his broad back, feeling his muscles and his warm skin and feeling his tounge swirl sound yours in your mouth.
His hands grab your hips, fitting himself between your thighs to close the gap between the two of you. Haganezuka pulled back "is this okay?" He asked and you nodded, using your hands to cover your exposed boobs. He chuckles at your shynes. "Your body is beautiful. I love it, your stretch marks are very pretty too" he praises as his fingers touch your stretch marks, tracing them out and his fingers lightly touching your lower stomach making you tremble a little from the ticklish feeling "can I touch you more?"
He asked so sweetly, much sweeter than ever you just couldn't say no to him. You nodded, closing your eyes, feeling his lips press on your neck, giving your neck soft, gentle kisses. His fingers trail down to your bare pussy, rubbing your clit in a circular motion. "You're wet. Are you still wet because you couldn't finish when i walked in on you?" Haganezuka said, giving your neck love bites.
You could feel his smirk on your neck at the question he asked. You didn't answer and only turned your head away in embarrassment. "Don't say that," you whispered with soft whimpers getting hotter from his touch. "Fine. Don't answer, " he said, kissing down your neck to your collar bone, giving it love bites, and then getting to your nipple.
Haganezuka moved your hands out of the way to see your boobs. His face was flushed. He didn't know how he eles to appreciate your beautiful body with words and just took action and started to take your nipple in his mouth. "Haganezuka~" you moaned, feeling his warm wet tongue and lips wrap around your harden nipples
He kept eye contact with you. Whenever you wanted to look away, he used his teeth to bite on your nipple making you mewl. haganezuka's fingers moved down frkm your clit to your hole and put one finger in, moving it slowly. "H-haganezuka, please~" you begged, wanting more
"Have you forgotten patience?" he kisses your stomach. "I need to take my time with you. I can't do this right if I'm not focused, right?" he said, and you both chuckle since it's something he says when making swords perfectly, but he's trying to make you as comfortable with him in the moment as much as he can
Haganezuka kisses your inner thigh, holding onto your thighs. "Can you be patient for me?" He asked, looking at you with such lustful eyes. "Yes," you bit your lip with a shy smile. Haganezuka smirked "that's my girl" he stuck his tounge out, giving your pussy a long lick, tasting you and keeping his eyes focused on you.
Your back arches, and you gasp from the feeling. "Oh my gosh~" you whispered to yourself, grabbing onto the bed sheets as you kept feeling his long, wet licks on your pussy. You couldn't hold back your moans, your whimpers and your hips from bucking in his face when he starts to fuck on his clit. You felt haganezuka enter another finger inside, and you grab onto his hair, clenching on his fingers.
Haganezuka bottomed out, loving how your hips push your pussy onto his tounge and moaned from the feeling of you clenching on his fingers. He fucks his fingers into faster, now adding a third finger trying to find your g spot. Your body jolts when you feel his fingers hit your spot, grabbing onto his hair. "Right there! Right there, right there!" You whine, covering his fingers with your white fluids.
Haganezuka waited until he calmed down from your high and then pulled his fingers out. He watched as your pussy throbbed and gulped "y/n. I need you now, can I put it inside you now? he asked, almost desperate with heavy breathes with his hand over his pants and then started to take them off, exposing his cock with pre cum leaking from it.
Your eyes widen from the size. He was a good size in length but the thickness of his cock was much bigger then you expected even with his huge, musclar build. "Haganezuka.." you say opening your legs more and using your fingers to spread open your pussy "I need you so badly. Put it inside slowly, okay?" Looked at him.
"Y/n~" Haganezuka moaned your name sliding his thick cock between your wet folds and then pushes it inside you, slowly forcing it in "y-y/n~ haa fuck you're so tight". You let out a loud gasp, holding onto his biceps tightly "just a little more~" he moaned grabbing your legs to spread you out more to be fully inside you. "Are you okay?" Haganezuka asked
You nod quickly, bitting your lip whimpering softly being a full of his cock you his tip already poking at your spot. "Y-you can move now" you said. Haganezuka starts to thrust his hips slowly, breathing heavy and shuts his eyes with his brows frowned together to hold himself back. "You're so tight, so tight~ and we wet. You won't let me go with how hard your pussy is clinging onto me" he said, rubbing his thumb on your clit.
"F-fuuck~ ha-haganezuka. Go harder, go faster, " you whispers, wrapping your arms around his neck and wrapping your legs around his waist. "You sure? You want me to fuck you harder like this?" Haganezuka let's out broken moans as his hips snap, fucking you faster, bullying your cervix with his tip
You moaned, loudly almost screaming from how rough he got and pushing your leg back to your chest "you feels good. s-so good~ really good. Your moans sound so pretty" he said with broken moans "I'm gonna cum. Fuck I can feel how much wetter your getting, cum for me y/n" Haganezuka holds your boobs together and sucks on your nipples while snapping his hips harder and harder.
"Haganezuka~!" You whined as you tremble from your sensitive nipples being sucked and his tip repeatedly hitting your spot. You gripped onto the sheets, looking at him with teary eyes. "haganezuka!! I'm cumming I'm cumming!" Your head went back, moaning loudly creaming on his cock.
"Y/n" he moaned, his thrust getting more sloppy until he gasped, cumming a little inside you and pulling his cock out of you cumming the rest on your pussy "you were squeezing me so tightly I couldn't pull out in time. Sorry, " he said, looking at you concerned.
You shook your head, breathing heavy from your intense orgasm and weakly reached out to cup his handsome face. "Don't worry about it. I was hoping you'd cum inside me though" you grinned.
Haganezuka narrows his eyes and leans closer to your face. "we have all night, I'll fill you up as much as you'd like. My pretty girl"
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ltbunny · 2 months
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Ex husband price brain worms again, c.w/ nsfw, unedited, bad writing, I've never published nsfw before
It's your ex-husband, Price's birthday, and the last thing you expect is for him to show up, with a sweet, suave smile on his face
It's not even his custody day but he says "come on, love. I wanted us to spend it together, like a family. You're really not going to let me take my favourite two girls out for my own birthday?"
All you can do is roll your eyes and let him as he walks in, leaning down and leaving a small peck on your forehead as your daughter runs down the stairs to hug her dad, squealing.
He's adamant about cooking lunch for you two, but you stop him
"Oh, come off it, John, I'll cook since it's your birthday, and you keep saying you'll take us out"
He gets dragged off to play teaparty with the little princess and comes back after a while, his arms slot around your waist, swaying side to side softly as you half heartedly try to stop him, he just grins and nestles his head into the crook of your neck,
"Let the 'birthday boy' hug his wife, love."
"Ex-wife, john."
"Mhm, whatever makes you happy. Happy wife, happy life."
Lunch is served, and the three of you spend the rest of the day going shopping, prices idea. Dollhouse, cars, legos, Barbie, slime, whatever the kid wants, and some small gold necklace for you, even though you won't accept it,
"They're too much, John, stop it-"
"But, love, this is your favourite design and the colour. It'll look beautiful on you."
He buys it and even gets the jeweller to engrave a small j.p on the back of the charm while you're not looking.
He takes you two to a small fancy restaurant at the end of the day, your daughter playing with her new toys on the table, while John's hand holds yours on the table.
"Might retire soon, getting up there in age, love," his eyes watch the way your light up slightly, looking at him before turning away slightly, seeing his gaze, "ill be able to be around more often, wasn't that one of your complaints, I was too busy, so I gave you a little one."
You smack his arm lightly, "Oh, shush, John. She'll be happy. She is always saying how she misses her dad. She keeps asking for a little brother, says everyone in class has one except her," You chuckle softly
At the end of dinner, he drives you two back home, your daughter tuckered out, he picks her up and takes her to her room, tucking her in, kissing her forehead softly, "sorry, I'm not here much, princess, I promise to be around more, okay?"
He comes downstairs and kisses your cheek as you swat him off lightly,
"Stop it, John, you know that's not appropriate,"
"Mhm, whatever you say love, come help me take the things out the car will you?"
The night ends with price bending you over in the backseat, fucking you desperately,
"Fuck, love, I missed this grip, you might have a hard time saying it but your pussy's been missing me, huh? The guys you bring round ain't big enough for ya anymore? Don't worry, daddy's here."
Your fingers grip the car seat, squealing every time he thrusts in
"There's only one thing I wanted for my birthday, you know, love? It's been real lonely up by myself sometimes, and been thinking," he hums lowly, grinding deep inside you while you struggle to even keep up with his pace let alone words, he moves over you, one hand groping your breast, teasing the nipple, the other coming up to your clit, rubbing it along with the harsh pace, "been thinking bout this pussy, and getting the present of life, ain't that cute?"
You gasp, your pussy squeezing around his cock tighter as he starts rubbing your clit faster, "John, please- is, is too much," you moan
"You're doing so well for me, mama, you want another little one too, right? You always said one feels bad, we need to give our little baby a sibling,"
"John- holy shit," your legs shake as he presses you down against the seats, every thrust with one purpose, "please, please, I'm so close!"
He keeps going until he feels your legs trembling, three loads in, his fingers massaging your clit, his lips kissing your neck, leaving hickeys for everyone to see.
You wake up in your bed, listening to John's snoring as you yawn, shifting to get up slightly, his arms tighten around you and his eyes open slightly.
"Mmhm, best birthday ever."
He mumbles before he starts snoring again
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milswrites · 2 months
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I'll Crawl Home to You
~ Azriel X Reader
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Summary: After barely escaping his last mission, Azriel realizes he has one regret in life. Not telling you about the undying love which he held for you. His brush with death allowing him to realize that he can't live another day without you by his side, Azriel wastes no time in telling you exactly how he feels.
Warnings: Angst. Talks of death and injuries. Nice cute ending though :)
Azriel had always assumed that when the time came for death to greet him, he would welcome them like an old friend.
Gladly taking the specter's hand and allowing them to guide him to the afterlife, satisfied with the centuries of a blessed life he had been gifted by the Mother.
Azriel had never feared death. Instead he imagined that when the sweet embrace of darkness finally surrounded him, he would be able to rest at last. A mercy that he could finally be at peace, no worries crossing his mind as he knew that one day his brothers would also join him in whatever afterlife he was sent to.
Which is why he couldn't understand why he was panicking now as death's black cloak began to wrap around him. Rather than the warming comfort he had always imagined it would hold, the incoming blackness felt bitterly cold. Like his body had begun to freeze over like a lake in winter, the last dregs of his life being sucked from him.
Azriel found himself fighting back. His weak hand outstretched as he attempted to push away the approaching claws of death which were slowly advancing. Teeth grit together with effort as he tried to ward them off.
"No" the desperation in his hoarse voice was palpable, words catching in his throat as he flinched away from the foreboding figure of darkness. A painful spasm tearing through his body, originating from the wound on his chest where an unwelcome dagger had found its home.
"No i'm not ready yet please. Please don't take me . . . No please!"
His speech was slurred, vision dotted with masses of growing black spots. Yet Azriel didn't allow his hold on reality to slip for a single second. Not if it meant dying.
Not if it meant never seeing you again.
And so he resisted death's sweet siren song, too stubborn to allow himself to give in.
"I will not die today."
Azriel hissed the words through his pain. His fierce amber eyes meeting the cool sharp gaze of death's.
A gaze so intense that Azriel was sure it was enough to drive anyone to insanity. The well of darkness which swirled in death's icy orbs was never-ending. Azriel allowed himself to swim in them deeper and deeper, searching for a way to escape from their clutches. Following the glistening golden rope which shimmered enticingly, as though begging Azriel to take hold of it, promising that life would be at the other end of it.
It was agony. Sharp spikes of pain coursing through him as his limbs grew heaver and heavier the deeper he dived, skin beginning to burn and blister as a feverish sweat settled on his uncomfortable skin.
But Azriel didn't let up. Never lessening his grip on the golden rope. Allowing his memory of you to give him strength in the face of his adversity.
He never let go. Not even when death itself began to fight back.
Terrible visions of the horrors of his past appeared before him as he swam. Bubbles which contained the callous faces of his half-brothers floated by his face. Sinister smiles upon their lips as they stared at Azriel, deaths alluring voice slipping from their lips, "Come now Azriel, don't fight it. The rope leads to nothing. Let go. Close your eyes, I've got you. You can rest now."
Yet Azriel didn't look to the floating forms of his cruel brothers. He kept his stern gaze ahead, chasing after the end of the rope. Chasing after you.
It was almost as if you were there. If he squinted hard enough he could see your ethereal form at the end of the tunnel, a gentle hand held out for him to take.
It wasn't death. He knew that much. Your glowing figure radiated life, the promise of a future.
There at the end of the golden rope was you. Patiently waiting for him to greet you so you could return him to the land of the living. You were his salvation. You had come for him.
He allowed himself to become deaf to the enticing whispers of death. Continuing his pursuit forwards, towards you, leaving the dark memories of his past behind as he turned his full attention to swimming towards his future.
His scarred hand reaching out towards yours, the tips of his fingers brushing against your soft palm as he connected your hands. Entwining your fingers as he used the warmth you radiated as an anchor.
And then instead of darkness, there was only light.
~~~~~
Soft whispers stirred Azriel from his slumber. Through his closed eyelids, Azriel could see the sweet familiar orange glow of sunlight. The heat of which warmed his skin, energy flowing through his body as though the sun was replenishing his source. Enabling him to slowly flutter his eyes open, sight focusing on the blurred figure in the chair next to him.
Azriel rushed to sit up, Cassian's steady hands shooting out to stop his erratic movement, hushing the shadowsinger as he helped to rest him up against the pillows on the bed.
"Careful," Cassian grinned, pleased to see his brother awake, yet his smile did nothing to hide the concern which failed to leave his eyes, "you had us all worried for a moment there Az. We thought-" Cassian's voice broke as he swallowed back a cry, ". . . We thought we'd lot you."
"How did I get. . .? Y/N. She found me!"
Azriel struggled to put together the pieces of what happened after he was stabbed.
There was darkness, an impending sense of doom, and then a sudden burst of light. But there, somewhere in between his jumbled memories, Azriel had seen you. He was sure of it.
"Y/N?" Cassian questioned, brows furrowing in confusion as his concerned gaze swelled deeper, "They weren't there Az. You travelled here with your shadows. Gave me a fright, you appeared right in front of me covered in blood and barely breathing."
"No. . ." Azriel murmured, that couldn't have been right. He saw you. He was sure of it.
"They came to visit you a few times once Madja had you stable. Maybe you're thinking of that?" Cassian reasoned, trying to reassure himself more than Azriel, preying to the cauldron that his brother hadn't gone senile.
"Yeah" Azriel lied, flashing his brother a crooked smile to soothe his worries, "Yeah you're probably right."
No amount of convincing from his brother would allow Azriel to believe anything else other than the fact that you were there to save his life. To bring him home.
But if Cassian was somehow right . . . If you really hadn't been there. Then that meant Azriel had dreamt about you. This wasn't a new occurrence, there were many nights where Azriel welcomed the sweet embrace of sleep so only to see your smiling face in his dreams. Yet his mind, in what could have been his final moments alive, thought only of you.
Of your beauty and grace. Of your welcoming nature and the sense that in finding you, Azriel was home, even when death had came to claim his soul in the wilderness of Illyria.
He liked that. The knowledge that his home wasn't a place, but a person. That wherever he was, he need only to think of you and he can allow himself to be happy.
Though despite this realization, Azriel found that he couldn't be happy. Not when he had felt this strongly about you for years and had just almost died without confessing this to you.
Nausea crawled up his throat at the prospect that he had almost left this world without knowing if you felt the same way about him as he did you. Angry at himself for pining after you for so long and making no move to show you his the true nature of his emotions.
He had been a silent admirer. Yet Azriel found himself wanting to be silent no longer.
"Did you say they were here?" he rushed the words out, the intensity of his question causing the General to sit back in shock, "where are they now?"
"Uh, I think they went to their room for a bit. I told them I'd watch over you for a bit."
Azriel wasted no time in jumping up from underneath the covers. Having learnt firsthand how precious his time really was, he wouldn't allow himself to wait another second without telling you of his devotion.
So he ran, blind to the flash of pain which coursed from his still tender wound. Unable to feel the uncomfortable twinge in his chest due to the heavy pounding of his heart.
Azriel felt no nerves nor anxiety. He was driven by his need to speak to you. A confidence settling in his heart that this was right - that everything was happening the way it was supposed to.
Every step closer to your bedroom was a step closer to his home.
So consumed by his desire to see you, Azriel neglected to knock as he entered your room. Wild eyes searching your chambers until they finally landed on your shocked expression.
~~~~~
"Oh cauldron Az, you're alright!"
A cry of relief tore from your mouth, as you closed the distance between you and the male, gently throwing your arms around him, careful not to embrace him too tightly for fear of upsetting his wound.
But Azriel didn't care. Not when he had you in his arms. So he pulled you tighter and tighter to his chest, until he could feel the gentle beat of your heart alongside his own. Needing reassurance that you were real. That he really was alive.
Once you had basked in each other's presence for long enough you pulled away, hands clasping his biceps as you moved him back to allow yourself to cast your eyes over him, ensuring that the male was actually ok.
"Should you even be out of bed? Az you need to rest!"
You made to pull him towards your own bed so he could lie down, but Azriel stopped you, holding your hand tightly to prevent you from moving from where you were stood.
"I've rested long enough" he stated with a shake of his head, consuming gaze meeting your own.
"Azriel you almost died" you argued, amazed that the male was even standing.
"I think I did die" Azriel replied, his words being enough to silence you, silvery tears lining your eyes at the thought of you almost loosing the shadowsinger.
"I think" he repeated not wanting to confirm the words which he knew out of fear of upsetting you, "I saw them. Death. They wanted to take me but . . . I couldn't let them. So I fought back. I fought and fought until I saw you. You saved me Y/N."
"Me?" you gasped in disbelief. You had heard the tales of warriors who had narrowly escaped death, swearing that they had seen the gracious form of the Mother as they were brought back to life. Yet none of them ever claimed to see a person who was real.
"I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you" he concluded. If it weren't for your captivating presence drawing him towards you Azriel would have drowned in the inky orbs of death.
"I couldn't" tears had now began to fall from Azriel's own eyes, silver pearls trailing down his cheeks, "I couldn't leave. Not without seeing you again. Not without saying goodbye. It's all I could think about."
A sob broke from your lips, amazed that Azriel's last thoughts before death were only of you.
"I didn't care how badly wounded I was" he spoke truthfully, hands still clinging onto yours as if they were a lifeline, "They could have stolen my wings. Taken my sanity. Broken my spirt. But none of that would have made a difference. None of that would stop me from crawling home to you. No amount of ropes and chains could hold me back, not when it meant seeing you on the other side."
It was impossible not to feel an overwhelming surge of love at the sincerity of his words. At the desperation which flooded in his eyes, begging you to believe him. Pleading for you to feel the same way.
"My love for you knows no bounds. Life or death, you are always with me, and I will never fail to find you" he promised. Certain that if he could conquer death with only the desire to be at your side, he would be able to fight anything.
"You did it Az" you beamed, hands dropping his only to come and rest on his dampened cheeks, "You came home to me. Our love transcends all worlds. Heaven, hell, purgatory, we'll find each other in every single one of them I promise. Because I am never letting you go again."
You couldn't. Not when you had already almost lost him. You would never lose Azriel again. Yet you could be happy with the thought, that if the situation were to ever happen again, that you could be his guiding beacon. Leading Azriel back to you. Leading him back home.
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phillydilly · 8 months
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Priorities
⊹♡— In which Charles and his long distance girlfriend get into an argument over her priorities
Part 1 , Part 2
Charles Leclerc x fem!reader
Warnings: arguing, angst
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Charles had been counting down the days until his planned trip to London to visit his girlfriend, Y/n. They had been in a long-distance relationship for a while, and every moment together was cherished. Charles had meticulously planned the weekend, envisioning romantic strolls through Hyde Park and candlelit dinners at their favorite restaurants.
As Charles sat in the bustling Nice airport, his excitement was palpable. The engine-like roar of the airplanes outside seemed to echo his racing heartbeats. He checked his watch, anticipating the moment when he would finally board the flight to London.
Meanwhile, Y/n, a dedicated business manager at a prestigious firm in London, had been juggling her hectic work schedule with the anticipation of Charles's visit. She had managed to free up her weekend, or so she thought, ensuring that they would have quality time together.
Just as Charles was about to board the plane, Y/n's name flashed on his phone's screen. He smiled and answered, expecting her warm and excited voice on the other end. But the voice that greeted him was strained and filled with regret.
"Charles," Y/n began, her tone hesitant, "I have some bad news."
His heart sank as he clutched the phone tighter, "What's wrong, amour? Are you okay?"
Y/n sighed, "I've just been told that I have back-to-back meetings scheduled for the entire weekend. I can't believe it, but I won't be able to do any of the fun things you had planned."
Charles's excitement turned to frustration, and he couldn't hide his disappointment. "You knew I was coming, Y/n. We've been looking forward to this for weeks. How can you let work take precedence over us?"
Y/n's voice quivered, "It's not that simple, Charles. I have commitments, and my job is important. You know that."
Frustration simmered in Charles's voice, "I understand your job is important, but so is our relationship, Y/n. I've been looking forward to this weekend for so long, and now you're telling me it's all off?"
Y/n tried to explain, "I tried to rearrange my schedule, but these meetings are critical. I can't just bail on them."
Charles clenched his jaw, struggling to keep his emotions in check. "So, what? I just drive back to Monaco and pretend like everything's fine?"
Y/n's voice trembled with guilt, "No, Charles, please. We can still spend time together in the evenings after my meetings. It won't be the weekend we planned, but we can make the most of it."
Charles felt a wave of frustration wash over him. He had been looking forward to this weekend with Y/n, a break from the high-speed world of Formula 1. "I can't believe you're doing this, Y/n. I thought we meant more to each other than this."
Tears welled up in Y/n's eyes as she pleaded, "Charles, please try to understand. I never wanted this to happen, but sometimes work just takes over. I love you, and I want to make this work."
Charles, his patience wearing thin, snapped, "Love isn't just words, Y/n. It's actions. And right now, your actions are telling me that work comes before us. I'll talk to you later." With that, he hung up the phone, his anger boiling over.
He walked away from the gate, his luggage in hand, and returned to his car. Charles sat in the driver's seat, tears threatening to stream down his face. The frustration and disappointment he felt were overwhelming. He had been so excited about spending time with Y/n, and now it felt like a dream shattered.
As he drove away from the airport, Charles's mind was a whirlwind of emotions. The engine's roar provided a stark contrast to the turmoil in his heart. He had never expected such a turn of events. Y/n had always been understanding of his career's demands, but now it seemed like she was prioritizing her work over their relationship.
Hours passed, and Charles's tears had given way to a deep sadness. He replayed the argument in his head, wondering if he had been too harsh on Y/n. He loved her deeply, and he didn't want to lose her, but she had really hurt him. He knew he himself wasn’t always available, but they had planned this for weeks, he felt that his frustration was justified.
Back in London, Y/n sat in her office, tears streaming down her face. She had never seen Charles so angry and hurt. She knew she had let him down, but the demands of her job were relentless. She had hoped he would understand, but now she feared she might have pushed him away.
Unable to focus on her work, Y/n picked up her phone and dialed Charles's number. It went straight to voicemail. She left a heartfelt message, "Charles, I'm so sorry for everything. Please, let's talk this through. I love you more than anything."
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beerok23 · 5 months
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D: And then he came to offer you the part in Good Omens? M: Yeah, well, we became friends and we would, you know, whenever he was in town, we would meet up. And then eventually he started. He said, you know, I'm working on an adaptation of Good Omens. I remember at one point Terry Gilliam was going to maybe make a film of it. And I remember being there with Neil and Terry when they were talking about it. D: Were you involved at that point? M: No, I wasn't involved. I just happened to have met up with Neil that day. D: Right.
M: And then Terry Gilliam came along and that was the day they were talking about that or whatever. And then eventually he sent me one of the scripts for an early draft of, like, the first episode of Good Omens. And he said, we started talking about me being involved in doing it. He said, 'Would you be interested?' I was like, 'Yeah, of course I would. Oh, my God.' And he said, 'Well, I'll send you the scripts when they come.' And I would read them and we talk about them a little bit. So I sort of was involved. But it was always at that point with the idea, because he'd always said about playing Crowley in it. And as time went on, as I was reading the scripts, I was thinking, I don't think I can play Crowley. I don't think I'm going to be able to do. And I started to get a bit nervous because I thought, 'I don't want to tell Neil that I don't think I can do this'. But I just felt like, I don't think I can play Crowley. D: Of course you could play Crowley. M: Well, just on a sort of - on a gut level, you know, sometimes you have on a gut level, you go - D: Sure, sure. M: I can do this. D: Yeah. M: Or I can't do this. M: And I just thought, you know what? This is not the part for me. The other part is better for me. I think. I think I can do that. I don't think I could do that. But I was scared to tell Neil because I thought, well, he wants me to play Crowley. And then it turned out he had been feeling the same way as well, and he hadn't wanted to mention it to me. But he was like, 'I think Michael should really play Aziraphale'. And neither of us would bring it up. And then eventually we did. And it was one of those things where you go, 'Oh, thank God you said that. Oh, I feel exactly the same way'. D: Yeah. M: And then I think within a fairly short space of time, he said, 'I think we've got David Tennant for Crowley.' D: *Chuckles* M: And we both got very excited about that. And then all these extraordinary people started to joining up. And then off we went. D: The other thing about Neil, he collects people, doesn't he? So he'll just go, oh, yeah, I phoned up Francis McDormand. She's up for it. Yeah. And you're 'What-Wait-What?' M: I emailed John Hamm. D: Yeah. M: And you realize how beloved he is and how beloved his work is. And I think we would both recognize that Good Omens is one of the most beloved of all of Neil's stuff. D: Yes. M: And had never been turned into anything. D: Yeah. M: And so the kind of responsibility of that, I mean, for me, for someone who has been a fan of him and a fan of the book for so long, I can empathize with all the fans out there who are like, oh, they better not fuck this up and this better be good. And I have that part of me, but then, of course, the other part of me is like, but I'm the one who might be fucking it up. So I feel that responsibility as well.
D: But we have Neil on site. M: Yes. Well, Neil being the showrunner - D: Yeah. M: I think it takes a massive difference. You feel like you're in safe hands. D: Well, we think. Not that the world has seen it yet. M: No, I know. D: But it's been a joy to work with you on it. M: Oh, my goodness. D: I can't wait for the world to see it. M: Well, I mean, I've done a few things where there are two people. It's a bit of a double act, like Frost-Nixon some more, and The Queen, I suppose in some ways, and I've done - Amadeus or whatever. This is the only thing I've done where I really don't think of it as my character or my performance as that character. I think of it totally as us, the two of us. D: Yes! M: What I do is defined by what you do. That was such a joy to have that experience. And it made it so much easier in a way as well, I found, because you don't feel like you're on your own in it. Like it's totally us together doing this. And the two characters totally complement each other. And the experience of doing it was just a real joy. D: Well, I hope the world is as excited to see it as we are to talk about it, frankly.
M: You know. Having talked about T. S. Elliott earlier, there's another bit from The Waste Land where there's a line which goes, "These fragments I have shored against my ruin". And this is how I think about life now. There is so much in life, no matter what your circumstances, no matter where you've got, what you've done, how much money you got, all that. Life's hard. It can take you down at any point. You have to find this stuff. You have to find things that will. These fragments that you hold yourself, they become like a life raft. And especially as time goes on. I think as I've got older, I've realized it is a thin line between being surviving this life and going under and the things that keep you afloat are these fragments, these things that are meaningful to you. And what's meaningful to you will be not meaningful to someone else. But whatever it is that matters to you, it doesn't matter what it was you were into when you were a teenager, a kid. Doesn't matter what it is. Go and find them and find some way to hold them close to you. Make it go and get it. Because those are the things that keep you afloat. They really are, like doing that with him or whatever it is. These are the fragments that have shored against my ruin. Absolutely. D: That's lovely. Michael, thank you so much. M: Thank you. D: For talking today and for being here. M: It's a pleasure. D: Thank you.
This podcast is so underrated. I heard it tonight for the first time, and it blew my mind. The episode was published back in April 2019 (recorded after a photoshoot for Good Omens season 1). Listen to these babies, starting to knowing and respecting each other *_* Of course, Michael Sheen was probably the greatest fan of Neil and Good Omens out there, but the joy and the excitement was already there to feel, from both of them!
And Michael saying "The Two of Us" 4 years before July 2023... My heart - just - can't.
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girlgenius1111 · 5 months
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always enough for us
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barca femeni x reader
r gets kicked out of her house. her teammates find out. protective barca at it's finest.
cw- bad parents... referenced homophobia?
Your back hurt. Really, this was the least of your problems. A few days ago, your parents had kicked you out. It didn't really come as a surprise to you; they'd never been very good parents, and you knew it was just a matter of time before they found out about... you, and decided they were done. You'd been crashing at your friend Sofia's house since then, on the couch. You couldn't complain, considering how kind it was of your friend to let you stay with her, but the couch was killing your back. This is what you forced yourself to think about as you climbed out of her car at the training grounds, instead of, well, any other part of the situation.
You were fine. You didn't need your parents, not at all. You didn't need their help, their house, their love, any of it. You had just turned 18, and you were sure you'd be able to find an apartment soon considering your salary at Barca. Everything was fine.
Of course, you forgot to factor in your nosy, nosy teammates. And how bad of a liar you were. Combined, your secret was out before you wanted it to be, which was never.
-----
You were walking quickly from Sofia's car, hoping that you'd arrived early enough that no one was there to see you get dropped off, instead of driving your own car. It wasn't really your car, it was your parents, and while they had let you take a lot of your stuff, the car was not one of them. You thought you were safe, seeing no one ahead of you, when you heard your name being called from behind you, a distinct British accent ringing across the parking lot.
"Y/n!!!!! Wait!!!" Lucy called dramatically. Rolling your eyes, you turned around, motioning for her to hurry up. She arrived by your side, falling in to step next to you.
"Who was that dropping you off? What happened to your car?"
"Oh. That was my friend, Sofia. I... we... my car is.... broken. It's broken and it's getting fixed. So Sofia drove me. Because my car is broken," you stuttered out, honestly surprising even yourself with how bad of a lie you'd just told considering you'd been practicing the lie all week.
"Your car is... broken?" Lucy asked, shooting you a weird look.
"Yeah, the engine or something," you say, trying to act casually.
"Why aren't your parents driving you?"
"They have work."
Lucy is quiet for a moment, before she stops you in the hallway, turning to face you. "Is something going on? You're being weird."
"Weirder than normal?" you try to joke.
"Y/n." Lucy says. She was so rarely serious off the pitch, it was kind of intimidating.
"Nothing is going on."
"You are really one of the worst liars I've ever met. Your whole face is red right now, do you know that?" Lucy asks, not a hint of humor in her voice. Instead, her eyes are squinting at you inquisitively, and you feel like they're burning right through you.
"I'm not lying!" You protest, feeling your cheeks heat up even more.
"It just got redder. Tell me what's going on."
"No." Lying wasn't working, but you were stubborn, and you're sure you could out-stubborn Lucy.
"Fine. I'll go ask Mapi if she knows what's up with you. Or Irene. Or Alexia," she threatens. You hadn't expected her to go there so soon.
"No, Lucy, please don't," you beg, reaching out to catch her wrist as she begins to walk away.
"Then tell me what's happening. Did you crash your car?"
"No I- I didn't crash my car, Lucia, seriously." Lucy smirks, crossing her arms though, ensuring that she's standing between you and any viable exit from the conversation. You take a breath. "I'm just staying with Sofia for a bit. It's not a big deal."
Lucy's smirk is gone. "Why? Did something happen with your parents?" Your poor relationship with them wasn't really a secret to anyone on the team. They hardly went to any games before they'd kicked you out. Your older teammates silently disapproved of them, you knew, but they were careful never to say anything in front of you.
"I told you what was going on. Can I go now?" You ask, ignoring Lucy's questions.
"Hey, wait," she tries, but you slip past her, walking down the hall towards the locker room.
"I wouldn't tell mention this to anyone, if I were you. Otherwise word might get out about what you and Ona were doing in the showers last week," you tease, enjoying the way Lucy's face heats up at your words. You're pretty confident she won't risk getting ratted out just to get to the bottom of what's going on with you.
Apparently, you underestimate how much Lucy cares about you.
-----
You've managed to take your mind off things during practice, and you completely miss Lucy quietly talking to Alexia during a water break. You also miss Alexia talking to Irene and Mapi during the next water break. You take your time showering and changing, knowing that the fewer people around when you leave, the fewer people to realize you're walking, and in the complete opposite direction of your house. You don't really think about your conversation with Lucy again until you're on your way out of the locker room, and Alexia calls you to stay back. You're one of the last ones in the room as it is, and you turn slowly, eyes finding Lucy's. You glare at her, and she shrugs, patting you on the shoulder before leaving the locker room. You turn, finding Alexia, Irene, and Mapi all sat on a bench, looking at you.
"Yes?" You say.
"Is there something you need to tell us?" Alexia asks firmly. She's not fucking around, you can tell, nor is Irene. And, a rare occurrence, neither is Mapi. You look to her, hoping she'll crack a joke or something and ease the tension in the room, but she's staring at you with a matching searching gaze.
"You all had a great practice!" You try, shooting Alexia a smile. It falls off your face when she only raises an eyebrow at you.
"Want to try that again?"
"Alright, Mapi's penalties could use some work." Mapi frowns, but Alexia ignores your comment.
"Y/n."
"Alexia," you say, trying your best to look like nothing was going on, like nothing was bothering you. Like the longer you stood in front of them, it wasn't getting harder to collapse into the fits of sobs you'd been fighting for a week.
"Enough, y/n. Talk." Alexia replies. Mapi and Irene are fighting smiles now. Watching you and Alexia go back and forth was always entertaining; a real battle of wills.
"I'm staying with one of my friends. I'm assuming that's what Lucy told you."
All three of them were surprised when you give up so easily. It only worried them more, the way your eyes fall to stare at your shoes, and the way you clasp your hands together, trying to hide how they're shaking.
"Why?" Alexia asks. Her voice is softer now, more gentle, but still, she leaves no option for you to refuse to answer. You can tell, by a quick glance to her face, that she's losing patience. You're scared, suddenly, that they'll give up. On you. They'll stop caring, because you try so hard not to let them. This is what prompts you to be honest, really. The fear of no one, no one at all, caring for you anymore.
"My parents kicked me out." Your voice is just more than a whisper. The older girls' faces fall instantly. They feared this, when Lucy told them about your conversation, but they hoped they were wrong, that it wasn't this.
"What happened with them?" Irene asks, almost like she can't help herself. You're sure she's thinking of her son, of how she couldn't imagine doing that to him.
"I don't really want to talk about it." You say. Mapi opens her mouth, surely to push you further, but to your surprise, Alexia lays a hand on her arm, cutting her off. Your captain looks at you for a minute, eyes searching yours, before she speaks.
"Okay. You're gonna stay with me. I have an extra bedroom, and Mapi and Ingrid live almost right next door. We can go get your stuff from your friends now."
"No, Ale. No. I'm fine at Sofia's, really."
"Well I'm not fine with you there. You're a kid, you need adult supervision. Besides, it makes more sense. I can drive you to practice and everything. And make sure you're taking care of yourself."
"Alexia. No."
"Y/n. Yes. This isn't up for discussion," Alexia has raised her voice, just a little, and you take a step back. Alexia notices, because of course she does, and she calms herself down instantly, whole face softening. "Look, I know this isn't ideal, but this is what we're doing. Please, just trust me, y/n? If you hate living with me, we can figure something else out, but just give it a shot, okay?"
You almost laugh, because really, Alexia thinks that the problem is that you don't want to live with her. That couldn't be further from the truth- you would like to, deep down you admit it. It would be easier. It would make you feel safe. You just can't impose like that, can't do that to Alexia. She'd get tired of you, eventually, just like your parents had. You didn't want that.
You take too long thinking all of this, apparently, because soon she's ushering you out of the room and towards her car. Her and Irene walk ahead, quietly discussing what you can only assume to be how much they hate your parents. Mapi hangs back, walking with you.
"You know that Alexia wouldn't offer if she didn't really want you there, right?" The defender says, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. You look at her in surprise, not expecting her to understand your reasoning when no one else did. She just gives you a wry smile, waiting for you to answer.
"Why would she want me there, Mapi? You ask. Mapi frowns.
"Because you're you. And we all love you. Alexia especially, I think you're her favorite. But seriously, y/n, any of us would take you in without a second thought." Mapi says it so matter of factly, you're thrown for a loop. It didn't make sense, really. That these people, your teammates, who owed you nothing, were willing to drop everything for you, when your parents... well.
You aren't really sure what to respond to her, and you don't have to, because Alexia is gesturing you towards her car, and Irene is pulling you into a tight hug, telling you to come over any time. You return the hug, hearing the echo of Mapi's words in your ears. Maybe she was right.
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Sofia had been surprised to see you packing, but she understood. You're sure she's relieved to have you out of her hair, even if she doesn't say it. The tight hug she gives you tells a different story, and you could swear there are tears in her eyes as you walk out of the building. Once again, you're left completely speechless at the care your friends are showing you.
It's not too late by the time you arrive back at Alexia's, all the stuff you brought from your parents, and then from Sofia's, in tow, but you feel an interrogation coming on from Alexia, so you slip off to shower, needing a few minutes to yourself to process the day. By the time your done, you've cried a fair amount in the shower, and you're sure your eyes are red and puffy.
Still, when you appear in the living room, quietly taking a seat on the couch, a safe distance away from where Alexia sits, scrolling through her phone, you promise yourself that you won't cry again. Not in front of Alexia. She looks up when you enter, brows immediately furrowing at the sight of your tearstained cheeks, and you pretend you don't know what she's looking at.
"How are you feeling?" she asks kindly, after giving you a minute to start the conversation, if you felt like it.
"Fine." you say shortly. Alexia doesn't say anything. After 2 full minutes of silence, you realize she's trying to make you so uncomfortable that you talk, knowing you hate awkwardness.You wish she didn't know you so well, as you open your mouth to finally let it all out, but a part of you feels so loved, so cared for, by it.
"My parents are... my parents. I shouldn't have expected anything different from them, when they found out."
"Found out what?" Alexia asks casually.
You take a big breath. No one on the team knows. Really, only Sofia and a few other people know. You want to tell, you want to be open about it. You wish it was as easy as just doing something you want to. You know, realistically that the team won't care, that Alexia won't care. Still, you can't seem to forget your parent's reactions, and you feel your heart clench with fear.
"I'm... um... They caught me, kissing a girl. I'm gay." You say, eyes blurring with tears as you stare at the table in front of you. Your throat burns with the effort of keeping your sobs in, but you can't cry. Not when Alexia hasn't even said anything. Not when you'd be crying about a different reaction.
The blonde woman scoots closer to you, until her shoulder is pressed up against yours. Still, you keep your eyes on the white wood table in front of you. When Alexia speaks, it's the gentlest you've ever heard her be.
"Y/n, I'm sorry your parents didn't respond well. You deserve more than that." At this, you shrug, ignoring the way your bottom lip is trembling. A few tears escape, and you wipe them away quickly, like they were never there. "Can you look at me?" Alexia asks. You turn to her, biting your lip to keep your emotions in check when you see the way Ale's eyes are also watery.
"I'm really proud of you, cariño."
"For what?" you respond, before you can stop yourself, sounding more like a sob than actual words.
"Oh, pequeña. For all of it. For talking to me when I know being vulnerable is difficult. For telling me, when I know it couldn't have been easy. For turning into this incredibly good person, despite the people the raised you."
There's no chance for you, after that. The cries fall out of your lips, and you are powerless to stop them. Alexia is steady next to you, even as your body trembles with emotion. She pulls you into her, arms holding you tightly against her.
"I know, pequeña, I'm sorry. It's gonna be okay. I promise." If you weren't preoccupied with sobbing into your captain's shirt, you'd notice that she's also crying, just a little.
"I don't understand why they can't just love me. It's all they're supposed to do, but I'm not good enough for them," you cry, all the feelings you'd been pushing down now pouring out of you.
"No, cariño. They are the ones that are not good enough for you. You have so many people in your life that love you, that have no obligation to love you, but they do anyway. That means that you are good. Your parents... it's their problem, not yours." Alexia can tell you aren't fully convinced. She pulls back, tilting your chin up to look at you.
"You are good, cariño, so good. You'll always be good enough. We'll tell you that, everyday until you believe it, if that's what it takes."
"We?" you ask, confused.
The blonde woman looks a little exasperated. "The team. Y/n, Irene and Mapi were ready to fight me to get you to live with them. When the rest of the team finds out, I'm going to have some serious competition. We want you around, y/n. We really do."
"Oh." you say, because you're starting to believe her, and you aren't sure how else to respond to that. "So... you really don't mind me staying here?" you check.
"No. I really don't." Alexia promises. You nod, weakly smiling at her. She's glad to see something on your face that isn't a frown. Her phone buzzes in her hand, then, and she picks it up, expecting it to be from Mapi or Irene, asking how you were doing. Instead, it's from Lucy.
"Y/n?" she asks.
You're drying your eyes with your shirt sleeve, and you miss the amused expression on her face. "What?"
"Why did Lucy just text me that 'y/n is lying, whatever she tells you.'"
You gasp, a real smile lighting up your face. Alexia laughs at your expression. "I almost forgot! I told Lucy if she told you what was going on, she'd regret it."
You guess that maybe, Lucy was just looking out for you, and maybe you don't need to tell Alexia what her and Ona were doing, but then again, the shower is a public space, and you'd been scarred for life. You'd thank Lucy for telling Ale later, after you enjoyed watching her get scolded by Alexia. You're starting to think most of the team would forgive you for almost anything.
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