#and intimacy. trust even. thats cool too

[moss-abyss]

quiet moments

#why do i do this to myself #animator vs animation #animation vs minecraft #avm red #avm yellow #avm green #avm blue #avm tsc #ava tco #ava tdl #mossmakes #they have what i want: nappy time snrt mimimimi #and intimacy. trust even. thats cool too #oh how much love there is in falling asleep in the presence of others

[ask-serendipity-sky]

Part 2- 10 Jikook Moments That Make Me Say "There is no way Jikook is not real"

Part 2. Because let me tell you all something...from the looks of it, Jikook is real.

And going through my own brain archives and content, we have enough moments to give us Part 3, 4, 5... and we have moments to make a Top10 of basically everything.

And just an fyi, for a moment to persuade me, it can be sexual tension, taking care of each other, physical contact, even awkwardness, etc, but it has to have that added intimacy. You know, the unspoken words between couples. And Jikook is full of that not so secret but always present intimacy.

So let's begin this one...

(In no particular order)

10. Bam <3 Jimin

Ok, let's be honest here... Uncle Jimin? Lol more like Dad(dy) Jimin! But no joke, that dog knows Jimin really well and loves Jimin. Trust me...I grew up having more than 10 dogs at all times so I know a thing or two lol

It's the eye contact and the little ears that give it away.

Bam's behavior shows how comfortable he is with Jimin. He is even licking Jimin's toes in some scenes. Sooo cuteeeee!!!

The poor dog was even confused when he had to decide who to follow, Jk or Jimin. Is that because Jimin is his owner too? 👀 Even the other members asked Jimin questions on Bam.

Like when Jin asks Jimin if Bam will run after him. And Jimin is like say what? Totally caught off guard lol

I'm not going to lie. I love Bam and Jimin and Jungkook and the interactions are beautiful to watch. So if Bam tells us that Jikook is real, then Jikook is real. Dogs don't lie!

Ah but for reals, I love him so much! You know what? He needs his own post! Bam appreciation post coming soon.

9. "I was with Jungkook"

I was with Jungkook. In their defense, they are always together. But this one hit differently, at least to me.

It was Jungkook's birthday and it was them two. Thats when they got the Billboard announcement that they had placed no.1 and they fell asleep caressing their phones and crying. So like they were in the same bed and all. Cool, nothing suspicious yet.

But it was Jk's birthday. And if Jk is dating someone, shouldn't he had been with them celebrating? Shouldn't be had been in someone's else's bed caressing the phone because Jk's group got no.1 on billboard (cough, Jimin's live when he got no.1 on billboard cough)? If Jimin was dating someone else shouldn't he had been with that person instead?

Also, Jk's smile when Jimin was finally able to tell everyone he was with Jk was huge. And Jimin had tried a few days before in that other live but the story got all jumbled and Jungkook was not so happy about it.

So Jimin confessed. He was with Jungkook. And all was well once again in the Park-Jeon household.

8. If eyes were in the shape of 💕...

This moment is so freakin real to me. First of all, I love Jikook during Dynamite era and this live was fun.

It's really like Jikook was in their honeymoon phase again...how many honeymoon phases do these guys have? Lol

And then we get this tiny 1 second moment of Jk blinking with heart eyes at Jimin. Just because Jimin said something slightly amusing. Omg.

Cancel everything because this is love💘!!!!

And there is also that suspicious Jimin moment. You know those annoying comments we hate "Finger hearts if Jikook is real..."

Well, Jimin at around 11:20ish, reads a comment that says "Stay healthy" then looks around nervously and does this...

Then takes a quick glance around again. Just to make sure. They didn't see. But we did.

Go watch it!

7. Remember our first kiss? Would you like to fall in love?

Ahhhhhhh. Does this even need explanation? They look happy. And Jimin's little smug face in the first clip is everything. It is cute!

This is romantic. It is intimate. And somehow its captured on camera.

6. Jk lifting Jimin

No, this lift is not like the others. Its not just goofing around and being silly.

First of all because k-army says that Jk says "Let me lift you once." (Does anyone have a source for this?? I couldn't find it anymore 😐)

And then Jk looks at the mirrors behind them to see how they look when he is lifting Jimin. That's insanely hot. I don't think I'm imagining this... I mean...

Please answer the following question:

Do bros want to see what they look like in a suggestive position? No!

Then why did Jungkook have to look?

5. Jk 🤟 Jimin

Jk does this in front of a loooooot of people. And you can see his gorgeous eyes expecting a reaction from Jimin. It isn't until Jimin smiles that he smiles too. It's romantic and very him. A grand gesture that leaves Jimin speechless.

I don't know about you all but normal friends don't go around declaring their love just for the fun of it. ROMANTIC love, everyone. You don't stand there thinking how to surprise your non-boyfriend with a romantic gesture. But you do do that for a real boyfriend/girlfriend. In front of hundreds of people...sometimes thousands, and sometimes millions.

4. On Screen Thirsting

Blink and you miss it. Not only in this live but in plenty other material. They want each other and get lost in their own world letting the other know they want them.

What else is there to explain?

3. Their body language...speaks to them lol ah and us.

Welp. This one is a huge one for me. These are things that your body does automatically like breathing and your heart beating. Your subconscious tells your body what is the safest, most comfortable and loving space and your body tunes into that. And yes, all the members are close and all have a high degree of skinship but with Jikook there is that extra bit. They don't call Jk satellite Jeon for nothing.

The crazy thing is that this has been happening since they were fetus Jikook! And here we are 10 years later and Jk is still satellite-ing around in Run episodes.

2. Jk spilling the tea on how he is the best boyfriend.

Ahhhhhhhhhhh. This.

It was just sooo sweet. Insanely sweet.

As you all know, Jk tends to live in his own world and marches to the beat of his drum. He doesn't often post things for others or congratulate his members on social media (except for one...). So on this day, which should have its own post because virtual White Day date while Jimin is overseas...I mean....

Anyway, so on this day, Jk comes back for a little p.s. to his 3 part live and he tells us to look forward to 12 o' clock (a few minutes later) because something amazing is coming. He never does that for anyone else. He never posts spoilers for anyone else. So it was just sweet and very boyfriend of him.

And people can hate and say that Jikook is not even close...but then why would Jk do that? And why would he give us spoilers if Jk is not the type to care about that?

I'll tell you why...because he loves his Jimin and he was feeling proud and supportive.

And the Letter spoiler....ahhhhhhhh. You all see his little smile during it?

🕯Let's manifest a Letter live performance🕯

I wish they could talk about Letter. Well, no. I wish they could sing Letter...

Don’t worry

By your side just stay yeah

Because we don’t know what days await us,

Though it’s scary, though we’re afraid

Never forget that we’re always together

This sounds an awful lot like ms stuff to me 😔

1. Boys With Luv

Oh god.

When this concert aired, it was like 4 am my time. And I had only 1 eye open because I really wanted to sleep. Then Boy With Luv started and my eyes were like not today, fam. Because wild things happen with Jikook during this song so my brain knew better. So my eyes opened up real fast.

And then Jk is stared looking suspicious. Side eyeing Jimin.

Jk sings the last line and you think we made it without any Jikookery. FALSE!

Jk looks around and you can tell he is thinking something...Jimin gets closer and Jk does this thing were it looks like he is expecting something? I dont know.

A kiss?

A declaration of love?

A marriage proposal?!!?

This is what it looks like to me, ok??? Let me be.

And Jimin looks at him and they just are. And for a second it seems like something will happen. Because Jk is unpredictable. And the moment passes. And Jimin looks nervous as hell.

I screamed during this. And my partner was like what happened?!? And I was like NOTHING, HAPPENED! Lol and nothing happened so why is this moment so engraved in my brain?

I guess its because of the unspoken words during it. The thoughts that were thunk! The secret info exchanged while they were looking at each other.

The intimacy, everyone. Even though they were surrounded by the members and millions of eyes were watching.

Ahhh but isn't this Jikook always???

Anyways...toodle-oo!

#jikook #kookmin #jungkook #jimin #top 10 #jikook is real

[plumsilk]

What would you do that is going too far but still JUST before the point of no return? I wanna hear how close you want to irl go before the word "permanant" really matters

honestly theres a lot i post on here that i prob wouldnt get into irl bc of triggers, sensory issues, etc… and permanence is a little subjective! but heres my take, idk if this is what ur asking for tho lol.

id love to explore knife play a bit? or choking out/breathplay, that flavor of impact/edge/pain. ive been curious about exploring being kind of no limits, to see what i can take w a partner. ive got um... some issues surrounding blood irl but! id prob try it w the right situation/person. i luv the mark making side of it too, i rmr being kind of! enamored by an ex scratching the fuck out of my back, it seems like a cool progression/next step in exploration to that.

intox has rly had a hold on me lately tho like someone i trust & everything taking advantage of my altered state. im kind of a lightweight (sometimes i think ? i dont really drink to get drunk much), or other drugs, within reason which.. neither here nor there... but like mostly thinking about having my trust manipulated & used against me is soo...

its about the power exchange its about the control, deception & planning! the execution! like fucking my perception of proximity & intimacy like that is veryy irjgoiejrfo <3 even w the physical side of other stuff i think it boils down to the permanently fucking w my mental state bc thats something i cant really like get out of.

#anyways. got more drawn out than i thought/too verbose formy own good sumtimes. but! enjoy i guess lol #words #asks #that flavor of taking something bc i physically can w/o regard for comfort. vs taking something bc i want to. like yeah. Idk. #i dont rly have much experience w dynamics irl. & a lot of my experiences have been mid to subpar so im. hesitant... but yeag...

[meteoritesystem]

we're in our developmental psych unit rn and we were talking abt it in class and it occurred to me i failed all of em . exaggeration but also like. i definitely did not succeed or thrive at any of them either. like. trust vs mistrust i did not do well i dont think . obviously i have no memory of that but if my fearful-avoidant attachment style has anything to say abt the situation . autonomy vs shame/doubt .. ok hthese just sound like audhd symptoms but yes i was on the shame/doubt side. initiative vs guilt 😭Yeah i did not thrive with that one either. competency vs inferiority. Well look at me. do i look competent at fucking anything . Well thats mean but i struggle in many areas of life 💜 identity vs role confusion.. i feel like i barely even started on that one bc i was too suicidal to think abt what my role in the world was/would be. i figured out the queer part of identity but everything else . im doing that now . changing my major n trying on different labels n shit . planning for the future . cuz ididnt have the chance to do that when i was Supposed To so. now im playing catchup. aaand intimacy vs isolation where i am now . Yeah i mean i have 2 irl friends so thats cool. but i have u guys <3333 my phone friends<3 But like. i feel like im so busy figuring out all that other stuff that im going to be perpetually behind my entire like. like im cobbling together all this stuff after the fact by copying what everyone else is doing rather thsn learning it at the time. and it SUCKS !! like i was not prepared for adulthood at all and objectively i am failing a lot of young adulthood milestones rifght now. & i dont think i'll be able to do anything abt it until i go back and undo all that damage . u know

#text

[raccooninthedaytime]

I want. You to rant. About how much you love Great Comet

Oh god. Oh dear. This is too much power for one person to have. How would i even know where to start????

Okok so if we talk about great comet i have to start with how there’s not a bad song in that show. More than that, there’s not a BORING song in the show. Which is really hard to achieve, i think. In almost every one of my favorite musicals, there’s at least one song where im like “ok i can live without listening to this song rn. Its just ok” and great comet has none of those!! Every song and its mother are certified bangers!!

I love that the actors all play their own instruments??? Thats so fucking cool?? I love that in every production of it the audience is part of the stage!! Because there’s something so intriguing about pieces of theatre that not only break the forth wall, but like dont even build one in the first place? There’s a warmth to it, an intimacy almost, of these characters letting you into their world, actively telling you their story like you’re sitting down with them for dinner.

There’s a saying about audience participation in theatre thats like, as soon as you let the audience participate, you give away control of the piece. In Comet the audience isn’t participating per se, but they are an active part of the piece now. They’re like set almost. It’s incredible the trust that goes into it.

And more than that, i am a sucker for like… weird music. I am such an audio person, and comet’s music is anything but predictable. I love malloy as a composer because he does that thing where he like, writes what is essentially three separate musical progressions, and just stitches them together. Because it doesnt matter if music is symmetrical!! It doesnt need to be!! It’s still a song!! And i rib on a lot of music quite often for not rhyming when they could, or not rhyming better than they did. With comet, the lack of rhyme is not only intentional, but it absolutely adds to the language of the piece as a whole.

What i mean is, in regular musicals song and dialogue are interspersed. Characters sing when the emotions get to strong for speaking (and dance when those get too strong howard ashman etc etc). You as an audience member understands that the character is not Actually singing, but actively emoting something they cant express well enough in words. In sung through musicals, you get the opposite. The language of the piece is established completely musically (which is where motifs and whatnot come in but we can talk about that another time).

The music sets the tone without dialogue exposition. (Think the dreamy mmmmmmmmmms natasha sings in moscow that sound very no one else-y. We’re hearing how natasha feels about andre before she ever even articulates it.)

The voice parts of the characters help establish archetypal character traits. (Marya D being an alto when most motherly/mentor-y roles are altos, natasha being a soprano ingenue. A subversion of this trope is tenor anatole, because we’re meant to think he’s a leading man good guy vibe and he ends up bad. But still his voice type tells you exactly how he portrays himself so it still is effective!!)

Tempos (the beginning of preparations. That plan was hastily made as hell, so of course they’re gonna sing about it fast. No room to stop andthink) and harmonies (constrained and strained. Lyrics say it all) and keys and scales (im sure you all can feel the difference between putting things in major keys than in minor. There are others but those are the big ones) convey every emotion the character feels, and every emotion the audience needs to.

And when they add DIALOGUE! Like real, genuine, spoken dialoge. Its a FULL FUCKING STOP. Yes im talking about if i were the brightest handspmest best man on earth. And if i were free.

This is getting really long but i do want to talk more about music and callbacks and motifs and character stuff and maybe even if im lucky i can talk a little bit more about design elements. Not now tho, but when my mind is clear (think of me)

Anyway. It goes without saying that i do genuinely think Natasha Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812 is the greatest musical every written and to ever grace the broadway stage. And im right.

#this became a lot more analysis than it was gushing #and a lot more about thw structure of musicals than it was about why i like great comet #except that it IS about why i like great comet #because it does those things and it does them well!!!!!!! reallt fucking well!!! #i just. god media is good. god theatre is so fucking good. god art. #i just. want to create a piece of theatre as good as this

[glassartpeasants]

The Test

Overhaul x F!Reader

Warnings: Angst, death, mega angst, pregnancy, premature birth, this hurt to write but thats okay

Gotta get the sad vibes out of thy body. Lets all be sad together

~~~

‘Okay, It’ll be okay. Just tell him! He’s your husband for christ sakes!’ You thought as you paced back and forth inside your room. You were afraid. You loved your husband you really did but sometimes he even made you afraid. 

Kai barely showed his emotions and when he did it was a miracle. Hell you barely just started getting intimate. You’ve only had intercourse 2 times you’ve guys been together. You’ve guys been together for 4 years. You understood his dislike of germs, and you never wanted to make him uncomfortable. So you just kept your wishes for intimacy to yourself. 

His kisses or hugs were almost just as rare as sex. You would tell him you loved him and he’d grunt back at you. You knew it was his language of saying i love you back but sometimes you just wished he’d say it back. You were only human after all. You wished for attention and some sort of love contact.

The last time you guys had sex he wore a condom. You didn’t mind really, it’s not like you were trying for a baby. But out of all the times that the condoms could have failed you,

This was the day of absolute fuckery.

You glared at the positive pregnancy test, hoping it would just disappear. But unfortunately problems like this don’t just disappear. So which leads to where you are now, a woman who is absolutely fucked if she can’t figure out a way to tell her husband she’s pregnant.

“Come on (y/n), you’ve got this. It can’t be that bad right?” You say trying to convince yourself. Kai was very difficult when he wanted to be. So what if he thinks you cheated on him?! You’d be killed on the spot! You wouldn’t be able to even explain, he probably won’t even let you. He had a habit of taking over you.

You sat on the bed as you rubbed your eyes. Trying to hide the tears that threatened to spill. You cried into your hands. This shouldn’t be so hard. He’s your husband. Then why were you so afraid? Was there a possibility that you could tell him without speaking? But how would you-

-the internet

You jumped from your spot on the bed and grabbed your personal computer and began looking at mom websites. Cool pregnancy ideas to tell your husband. You clicked on the link and saw the best ideas there. Get a mug and put the words you're pregnant at the inside of the bottom of the cup. Nah. Gift him baby clothes and let him put the puzzle pieces together. No thats stupid. Get a teddy bear and sew him holding a present, put the test in there and give it to him. Ah fuck it why not?

So from that search alone you RAN out the door and near the closest place where they had teddy bears and presents. You ran as fast as your legs could endure. Whipping your head from aisle to aisle. Looking for the fuzzy stuffy.

You go to the baby aisle and see the best teddy for the job. You quickly grab it as you go to the next aisle for the present. You had picked out a small box that would just fit the test. You smile as you jump up and down in joy. You didn’t know when you became so giddy. Not even an hour ago you were stressed to the point of wanting to hit your head against the door. You take a deep breath in before turning on your heels to pay.

~~~

1 Day Later

You looked at the teddy bear in your hands while sweating. What happened to confident (y/n) yesterday? Oh yeah she left when she had a fight with her husband, a bad one at that too. It was really bad. But you couldn’t stop now. You had to tell him. Better sooner than later. You take a deep breath as you hugged the teddy closer as you let out a sigh. Looking at Kai’s office door you let your hand let out a fragile knock. 

“Come in.” You slowly push the door open, looking in, you see Kai with two of his henchmen. Chronostasis and Nemoto. You didn’t talk to them much but you guys had pretty civil conversations.

“Kai I need to talk to you, without them here please?” You say as you try to stand your ground. You don’t really want your husband's friends to know what’s going on in your guys personal affairs.

“Fine. Chrono, Nemoto, leave.”

“Yes boss.” They leave the room just leaving you and your stonic husband.

“What do you even want?” He says in a voice that makes you question doing this but you go up to him and hand him the teddy bear. Your face beet red as you try to figure out his emotion. Especially when he opened the present.

“Is this a positive pregnancy test?” He says in an emotionless manner, but you couldn’t help but hear the bit of anger in his voice as well.

“Yes, I don’t know what you want to do or-”

“You cheated on me?” Wait what the fuck?

“What! How could you say that!” You say in offense. 

“I wear protection, woman! There's no way I could have gotten you pregnant!”

“Condoms aren’t even 100% effective! It could have busted or had a whole in it!” You yell back. You were offended. You were his wife, how dare he accuse you of such an act! Considering he was so interested in medical things you would think that he would know that condoms aren’t 1005 effective!

“You slut! I give you everything and you go out and cheat on me!”

“I didn’t fucking cheat asshole! God after years of being with you, your immediate reaction was I’m cheating?! Why am I with you if you don’t even trust me!”

“Leave this house! We’re over!” 

“Are you fucking serious?! You won’t even consider it!” You scream at him.

“Leave or else!” His ember eyes looking at you with the intent to kill. You knew that if you wanted to live you had to leave. Tears rush down your eyes as you turn around quickly before swinging open the door. You turn around to him one last time before screaming at the top of your lungs

“I can’t believe I married a cold hearted monster like you! I hope you die alone!” And with those words, you left. Never stepping foot inside that base as long as you lived.

~~~

5 Months Later

“This sucks actually ass.” You growl as you walk around your apartment. It wasn’t the best but it would do for the time being. You got it cause your friend was friends with the owner. All you had to do was take care of the garden they had outside. They wanted to make it eye catching so more people would move in. 

Understandable.

You held your stomach as the urge to pee came over you. Due to the fact a literal baby is growing inside you, it's pushing against your bladder. Kinda rude. You're carrying this baby and it's just gonna do you like this? That’s some bullshit man.

You groan as you continue to sweep your hardwood floor in your small living area. It was much better than living with Kai I guess. You never wanted to see his stupid gorgeous face again.

You look up at the area around you, admiring your work on cleaning the entire apartment. You smirk to yourself before feeling a kick in your stomach. You hold your stomach as you take a breather. Looking back up you notice a familiar golden shine coming from a little dish you kept by the door where you put coins in. 

Walking towards it you notice that its your old wedding ring from you old marriage. You guys never really got divorced so it was still official by law. Annoying yes but you didn’t want to even be in a room with that bastard.

Grabbing the ring you look at it and think how much it would be worth. A final fuck you to the mind that shattered you heart. 

Grabbing it and putting on a coat you start walking out the door and head out the door. Going to a pawn shop around the corner. You would be able to get a little extra cash for the baby.

~~~

“Yes sir I would like to sell this ring.” You place the ring on the counter and slide it over to the employee. His eyes widen as he motions you to come closer.

“This is a yakuza style ring. A Shie Hasssakai kind of ring. Where did you get this?” The man said. He sounded like he was worried. 

“Oh my shit husband gave me this when he proposed to me. Then kicked me out saying I cheated when I told him I was pregnant. Like sorry that a condom is not 100% effective.” You say soundly. The man looks at you with wide eyes. You didn’t really care at the moment because the feeling of lightheadedness was weighing you down. 

“Ma’am are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Before you could say anything you felt a wet feeling coming from in between your legs. Looking down you see that your water broke.

“MA’AM SHOULD WE CALL 119?!” You shook your head up and down before falling down on the ground, the world seems to be growing black around you.

~~~

Ring ring ring

“Hello?”

“Yes Overhaul sir? This is the guys from the pawn store downtown, we have a ring that seemingly belongs to your ex wife.”

“And you're calling me why?”

“Uh...because she was just carried away in an ambulance. She didn’t look very well, boss. My girlfriend had her kid recently and she wasn’t near as sickly looking as she was.” Overhaul couldn’t help but have his chest tighten up a bit. His heart was beating faster and he could feel it. 

“Do you want to know the hospital she’s at Overhaul?”

“Not right now.” Before Kai could even think about what he was doing he hung up the phone and moved his wrist back to the papers. You cheated on him, you’ll be fine. He rolled his eyes but that didn’t mean he didn’t feel the sinking feeling in his stomach. 

Like if he had just made a mistake he would live to regret.

~~~

Kai ran as fast as he could towards the hospital where you stayed. They had sent him a call asking him to come down so he could see his kid. When he said that it wasn’t his, they told him that the DNA matched up perfectly with his. 

Kai felt a painful sting in his chest as he got closer and closer to the hospital. He was thinking on all the ways to apologize to you. And if his pride would allow him to apologize. 

His head rang with the words of what the doctor told him,

***

“Is this Kai Chisaki?”

“Yes it is, why?”

“Well we have you as an emergency contact for miss (y/n) (l/n).”

“Take me off.”

“Excuse me sir?”

“I said take me off.”

“Well I can’t take you off when we called you to tell you that your wife is in critical condition.”

“What?!” Kai tried to not show much worry but he couldn’t help it. No matter how much he told himself that he didn’t love you, thoughts of your smile rushed back into his head. Your laugh. Your everything calmed him down. You were his angel. 

“Unfortunately her water broke early, leaving her to have an early birth and her body was not able to handle it. Your daughter, who we did a dna test on is in the ICU (intensive care unit). Her being born 2 months early is having complications breathing.” Kai couldn’t say a world before he rushed out of the door and into your hospital,

***

He burst through the hospital doors and walked up to the nurse as he panted from running. A look of desperation in his golden eyes.

“Where is my wife and daughter? Mrs. Chisaki?” He said in a moment of panic. He hated the look that the nurse gave him as she told him where to find your room. Before he could run into your room a doctor stopped him by grabbing his shoulder.

“I’m sorry to inform you sir but, the complications your daughter had to breath were to severe. We couldn’t save her. I’m deeply sorry.” Kai looked at the doctor. Not wanting to believe a word he had just said. He felt his hands tremble as he grabbed the doctors shoulders. Tears streaming down his face,

“What about (y/n)? Is she okay at least?!” Desperation in his voice. He can’t lose you. He already lost his daughter that he refused to believe was his, now to late to say hello or I love you. He had to see you. Just to hear you sweet voice at least one more time-

“I’m sorry Chisaki. She was pronounced dead 5 minutes before you came in.” No, no. He refused to believe it. He ran to your room, praying you were still here. You needed to be here. He needed to say he was sorry. That he loved you.

once he burst through your room door his worse fears were confirmed, and what the doctor was true. You no longer a heartbeat monitor. Your chest never moved to show some sort of breathing pattern. Kai ran to you holding your face in his hands. He put your forehead to his as his tears landed on your lashes.

“Please...wake up. I’m begging you. I already lost our daughter, I can’t afford to lose you to. Please my angel. Come back.....” Kai grabbed your limp body and pulled you close to his chest, shaking as he started sobbing uncontrollably. His whole world seemed to stop as he felt his only sort of light in his life be blown out. He cried into your neck as he collapsed onto his knees.

“Please, I don’t wanna be alone.”

#overhaul #overhaul x reader #kai chisaki x reader #kai chisaki #mha overhaul #bnha #mha #chisaki overhaul #overhaul angst #chisaki kai #shie hassaikai #kai #mha angst #bnha angst

[josmichel1]

im literally bojack horseman none of you stupid dumb bitches who say omg i relate to him actually know what the fuck youre talking about im extremely gone at this point im extremely alienated i havent uttered a single genuine thought in a long long time and every time ive felt slighlty wronged by the people i used to trust ive chosen to completely cut them off the truth is nobody deserves me not a fucking person in this world deserves my presence nor my chat nor nothing yet im so starved for connection and intimacy that i keep giving myself away for free because honestly what can people give me back??? absolutely fucking nothing and even if they could i dont want that shit i dont need anybody i dont need love and the actualy truth is i dont gaf about actual betterment all i want is to be seen as better better better than everybody else in this world i just care about superiority and nobody being able to fucking touch me or raise their voice at me but what does that give me truly?? fucking nothing but idc im deeply unhappy and miserable and nobody can fill the void i carry inside of me also these fucking machines are about to make me kill myself i dont care but thats false i care way too fucking much i cant not care all i do is care and care and care and the more things i get a grasp on the more shit i have to care about and now i could kill myself any sec because this music shit isnt working and my mixes fucking suck on those little ugly speakers nothing is going my way and maybe things could actually be going my way for a bit but this emptiness i fill wont ever let me enjoy them i cant lead a normal life i would kill myself so if i dont make it im definitely tightening a rope and hanging myself off a fucking lamp or sum i wish i had friends i wish i could genuinely enjoy someones company i wish i could experience love without feeling like i have to do shit to earn it theres nothing i crave more than that pure and unthought love but fuck that sounds so lame and dull and non cool i might as well just end it all if im tryna please everybody but myself i hate this stupid voice im listening to right now i hate this text i hate myself for not being able to swallow these fucking feelings and these fucking thoughts and just start working detachedly i wish i just didnt feel at all i wish i was a fucking robot i wish i was dead

[ithinkilikeit-reactions]

Seunghyub “Boyfriend Headcanons”

Seunghyub version // Chahun version // Jaehyun version // Hweseung version // Dongsung version

- congratulations you are dating a father

- I’m kidding lmao

- or am i?

- Dating Seunghyub comes with children

- You are dating a father and that’s facts

- Seunghyub is just such a great guy

- the person who lands him is very lucky 

- he’s marriage material

- Seunghyub on the first date

- Such a gentleman 

- the whole time 

- like I feel like if Seunghyub dates 

- he dates to find his forever partner

- very not into dating around

- if he’s on a date with you it’s because he sees that in you

- Probably will take you out for dinner

- nothing too fancy

- nothing too casual

- a perfect inbetween

- he saves the other dates for other moments

- He’s not very serious on the date though

- he figured if he was so serious it might be intimidating so he definitely puts down that wall

- he’s very smiley the whole time 

- He let’s his hand move over the table to hold onto yours

- If you want him to of course

- When the date is over

- Seunghyub will walk you home

- he doesn’t like the thought of you walking home alone in the dark

- he never does

- His fingers will toy with yours as you walk

- not fully holding your hand but just playing with your fingers

- making you laugh and smile because he already absolutely adores that sound

- 10/10 kisses on the first date

- with permission of course

- when he walks away he can’t stop smiling

- his mood is intarnishable for the next 2 days

- Walking you home when it’s dark is one way he shows affection

- If you’re working late, he will pick you up and walk you home

- Seunghyub sees this as prime time to talk about your day

- and like, he feels better knowing you made it home safe

- it puts his heart at rest knowing you’re safe

-when it comes to cheering you up

- Seunghyub is the best listener

- he’s so good at listening to your problems

- and things that bother you

- holds your hands while you rant

- drawing small shapes into your skin while you do

- he does this to keep you calm

- he prefers calm talks over yelling rants

- he can concentrate on what you’re saying better and might even be able to offer solutions

- When you’re sad he really just wants to hold you the whole time

- He has a hard time letting you go when you’re upset because he just wants to comfort you

- When Seunghyub is sad or upset 

- He kind of just comes in and hugs you

- burries his face in your neck and you just know something is wrong

- He really just expects you to do the same as he does for you

- listen and come up with solutions if you can 

- it’s just so important to him that you two can work and help eachother with problems, even if they aren’t your own

- Arguments with Seunghyub can get heated 

- arguments don’t happen often though

- and a majority of the time they are pretty small things

- things you can just sit down and talk about 

- but every now and then there’s that one argument

- his voice raises a little

- your voice raises 

- there’s silence for an hour or two

- then you sit down and talk things out

- however Seunghyub never gets mean while arguing

- no he’s very civilized

- If you’re in the wrong and apologize

- he’s always very quick to accept

- he doesn’t like arguing with you

- if that was the case you two wouldn’t be together

- If he’s in the wrong

- he feels really bad

- apologizes to you with flowers

- and lots of hugs and kisses

- doesn’t let you go for a few hours

- Seunghyub really hates fighting with you

- it just leaves such a bad taste in his mouth 

- that’s why it doesn’t happen often

- sleeping with Seunghyub is actually quite nice

- so before you two go to sleep he tends to hold you close

- running his fingers over your back as you cuddle into his chest

- If you fall asleep like this 

- he just falls asleep too

- but preferably

- he really likes spooning you 

- loves having his arms wrapped around and likes being able to press kisses to base of your neck

- it’s just a small endearing thing he does

- not always with dirty intentions (save those for later)

- he just feels like he can protect you this way

- Seunghyub also prefers sleeping on the side by the door

- if anything should happen 

- he just wants to be there and protect you 

- That’s just the type of man he is

- the type to sleep on the door side to protect you

- Seunghyub obviously works very hard

- He’s so proud of everything he makes

- You would be so proud of everything he makes

- Like it’s such a work of art and the music is just amazing

- He loves showing you what he’s working on 

- his eyes get all sparkly watching you listen to something

- waiting for your feedback 

- he works on music alot

- obviously he’d be so amazed if you did something with music or were at least interested in learning from him

- Oh the amount of songs he’d write for you or about you

- there would be so many 

- you’d cherish each one

- if you two get married 

- bet your butt you are getting serenaded

- anyways 

- free time is majorly spent on relaxing

- you really need to remind him to take it easy sometimes

- so when you’re together and have free time

- you tend to want to just relax with him

- lay on the couch and watch some tv

- or read in comfortable silence

- or to disrupt that silence with a bad joke

- just to think about something else besides work 

- Relaxing comes in many forms though

- he really likes going to cafes and bookstores with you on off days too

- he considers this relaxing too 

- Seunghyub likes doing things like this

- he just likes going out and holding your hand

- he would think it’s pretty cool if you worked out with him too

- obviously he’d never force you 

- but he’d think it’s fun to go to the gym with you 

- another way to relax together in his eyes 

- He appreciates that you help him relax

- he loves that you’re considerate

- it’s something that he adores about you

- Jealousy and Seunghyub

- Seunghyub does get jealous 

- but he smiles through it 

- he knows you won’t do anything

- he doesn’t trust the person he was jealous of

- He’ll pull you closer into him and smile 

- you’ll know he’s jealous because he’s tense

- but the second he looks at you that melts away 

- and he forgets about being jealous

- he gets over jealousy as quick as he gets jealous

- Okay time for growling bedroom Seunghyub

- Seunghyub is a dom 

- no discussion about it

- he’s good mix of soft and hard though

- but even when he’s in hard dom mode he isn’t that intense

- because in Seunghyub’s mind, sex is something that’s like special

- so if he gets really rough he feels kind of bad about it

- so he kind of draws the line at extreme things like choking and such 

- but he gets rough in other ways

- loves biting your skin 

- leaving little marks all over your chest and neck 

- he absolutely loves your neck 

- marking it up

- kissing it 

- running his fingers over it

- however he loves your whole body 

- he’s such a fan of body worship 

- Seunghyub knows just what to say to make you feel absolutely beautiful

- with that deep voice of his 

- the praise can be said sweetly

- it can be growled 

- either way it’s appreciated

- soft praises are always being sung to you

- no matter what mood he’s in rough or not

- that never goes away

- also morning sex 

- morning sex with Seunghyub is a favored thing

- his deep, deep, raspy morning voice 

- coupled with some needy whines on his end

- maybe you wear one of his t-shirts

- morning sex is his favorite

- the slow lazy energy around it

- he adores it

- Seunghyub doesn’t have sex he makes love

- thats all I can say on that

- he also doesn’t like positions where he can’t see your face

- except for spooning

- that’s the exception because he likes the close proximity 

- Aftercare

- aftercare with Seunghyub isn’t that intensive or anything

- because he doesn’t get that rough 

- it’s filled with loving stares

- running your fingers through his hair

- soft kisses over your skin and the marks he left behind

- coupled with even more praise

- he praises you so much it’s insane

- soft laughter as you get flustered

- his eyes are always so sparkly after sex?

- looks at you with the most loving gaze 

- loves showering together afterwards

- it doesn’t lead to more

- well sometimes but not that often 

- he likes the intimacy of just being able to shower together

- washing your hair and massaging your scalp 

- holding you to his chest and just running his hands over your skin

- he loves that

- he loves leaning down for you to wash his hair too

- looking at you with a dopey, gushy smile

- Relationship with Seunghyub is equal give and take 

- he’s a classic romantic

- he’s in it to find his forever love 

- the person he wants to start a family with 

- the person to spend the rest of his life with 

- because he’s ready for that

- he wants kids 

- he wants that life

- he’s in it for the long run

A/N: So I had a real hard time writing this for some reason. It has been sitting in my drafts for 2 months and I restarted it like 5 times. So if this sucks I apologize

#n.flying #n.flying scenario #n.flying reaction #seunghyub #seunghyub reaction #seunghyub scenario #seunghyub smut

[ezrasarm]

You absolute icon that dropped me down the paz pit congrats on your milestone! Could I have a matchup pls? I'm an INFP mediator and have almost too much empathy at times? I love art and art history (major and minor from college) art is a way to look to our past and predict future out comes imo. I'm sensative but flare up with anger quickly but that dies out even quicker. My main defense is to cry cuz I'm baby. I hate clingy people and I cherish platonic love over romantic love any day. I'm hesitant with being intimate or romantically close to ppl due to distrust. If I can make someone laugh it automatically warms my heart. I love how I look and doing my makeup/looking put together every day. Main hobbies are painting and drawing. I thiink thats it? -

💖💖💖 anon

A/n: The Paz pit is a powerful thing! Think you! I’m an INFP too!!! I get what you mean about the empathy 😂

I ship you with... Din Djarin!

Din has a tendency to come off a bit... unfeeling. The beskar and all doesn’t help the matter. He’s not good about talking out his emotions so that empathy of yours comes in handy. You have this ability to just know how he must be feeling and anticipate how certain things effect him. It’s like you can see straight through the armour and that scares him a little, but it also makes him feel vulnerable around you in a way he allows with no one else he has ever known. Those sensitive flare ups come in handy with him. He can be a tad insensitive at times and having an actual reaction lets him know when he’s overstepped or things aren’t cool but once he’s learned his lesson it’s water under the bridge and all is forgiven. He doesn’t quite understand your wild imagination or where all your creativity comes from, it seems pretty foreign to him. With his upbringing and way of life he had never allowed himself much time to consider such things but he admires you endlessly for it. Your love of art and the way your mind works blow him away constantly. Don’t like clingy people? That’s fine by him. He likes to think he’s a pretty low maintenance and independent dude so that shouldn’t be an issue with him. Just like you, Din has a high regard for platonic love. Romance and intimacy aren’t his forté. He has his own set of trust issues that make him very hesitant in those situations but that doesn’t mean he won’t find ways of showing you that you are loved and as long as that trust is there and steady, you’ll find ways of showing it back.

Care for a ship?

#follower celebration #ships

[sequesteredequine]

filling out then ENTIRE headcanon thing because i want to: 

A = AFTERCARE (What they’re like after sex) They’re a bit of a mess. Usually tired and clingy, it takes them a while to actually calm down and get out of that mindset.  B = BODY PART (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s) Equius is proud of their physique in general, they work hard to maintain it! as far as others, they tend to pick up on what their partner is insecure about, and tries to pay compliments when appropriate. necks are always a favorite, though, and the part where it meets the clavicle. big weakness. hands, and hands

C = CUM (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

Equius could literally cum buckets U_U;; it’s bright blue, a little metallic looking. there’s nothing special about the taste though it is a little sweet. yknow what they say about vegetarians.  D = DIRTY SECRET (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs) they’ve probably had a dirty dream, or several about all of their friends at some point. gross lil man. E = EXPERIENCE (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?) very! they’ve been active with many different kinds of people, and odd situations. the more taboo and morally questionable, the better. it’s surprising that it isn’t hard to find those willing to humor their more base urges. F = FAVOURITE POSITION (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

oh, you know

G = GOOFY (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc) it depends who theyre with! equius has a serious streak, though humor tends to lean into more morbid territory even at times like this. H = HAIR (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.) the HAIR is IMPORTANT. they take super good care of it, an usually showers at least once a day, sometimes more if they work up too much of a sweat. the carpet matches the drapes, and it leaves a cute little trail up their belly ;o; I = INTIMACY (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…) though equius is aromantic, theyre a romantic, you feel me? theyll cling and crookn and whine, say sweet nothings until time ends. they are so tentative and take such good care of who they’re with. J = JACK OFF (Masturbation headcanon) equius doesn’t do this as much as they used to, but if the mood strikes, it’s bad. sometimes they’ll get hyperfixated on a fantasy, or something that’s happened, and make a total mess of themself for a few days in a row.  K = KINK (One or more of their kinks) everyone knows about the choking thing. pretty sure thats just a zahhak trait at this point. equius has a pretty severe case of oral fixation. sucking, biting, kissing, licking. they’re a much bigger fan of giving. L = LOCATION (Favourite places to do the do) shameless gross man will throw down anywhere.  M = MOTIVATION (What turns them on, gets them going) usually just themself, and the way their thoughts wonder. sometimes it’s just being close to someone, othertimes it’s simple affection.  N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs) honestly, as long as everything is above board, equius would try anything at least once if it’s for someone they trust.  O = ORAL (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc) loves when people sit on their face, getting face fucked mercilessly, they just get so wound up.  P = PACE (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.) surprisingly? slow and sensual. they like to take their time, but will get very rough when pressure mounts enough. Q = QUICKIE (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex) they are not a big fan. sometimes it can be exciting, but they prefer drawn out experiences. exploring and learning is much more fun. R = RISK (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.) of course. not much to say on it, but they love experimenting, even if it’s dangerous. re chocking until they’re b100, edging to the point of pain.  S = STAMINA (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…) with experience, equius can last for quite a while, after the third round, they’re orgasms will be dry, but it hardly matters to them. six, and they may want to sleep for a few days. T = TOY (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?) they dont, actually. they had a few, but never find them to be that pleasurable. if a partner likes them, they’ll incorporate em.  U = UNFAIR (how much they like to tease) if it gets a good reaction, they’ll tease until someone begs, they love hearing little please like that. on the other hand, they love and hate being teased. V = VOLUME (How loud they are, what sounds they make) though shy at first, equius is quite the vocalist. their pitch is the best indicator of how much they are enjoying themself. besides the liquids coming out of every orifice, i mean. breathy curses and rambling are common. W = WILD CARD (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice) headcanon! equius’ most common method of getting off, is burying their bulge inside their nook. it’s such a shameful thing to do, but isn’t that what makes it better? X = X-RAY (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words) not to be gay, but like, two feet?

Y = YEARNING (How high is their sex drive?) almost comically high. id be surprised if equius wasn’t horny at least 90% of the time. Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards) 50/50. if its a rigorous round, they’ll want to sleep within the half hour of cooling down, likely after bathing. just as often, they can clean up and go about their business and projects like nothing has interrupted them. 

#headcanons #mod art

[troybarnesbucky]

I woke up and decided to analyze each 9-1-1 pairing with regards to timing and also buddie

I just woke up and all im gonna say right now is this: this is long-winded but basically it takes a look at all the relationships on 9-1-1 and compare the timing and level of intimacy to that of buck and eddie’s relationship. 

at the end of season 1 of 911 I remember watching and realizing they were gonna push the whole bobby and athena relationship, and I was surprised, because I didnt think there was any preamble or much hinting to it. but I guess it made sense to me - they were both single, both in the same social circle, they got along. sure, made sense. and then season 2 comes along and they’re smack dab in the middle of their relationship and we have zero time to adjust to it as an audience, but once again, we quickly did (mind you, I did not watch it live as intently as a fan would, but I do recall a lot of episodes because my mom watches the show and I remembered a lot when I was catching up myself). at this point bobby and athena are happily married and I really do love them together, genuinely.

then, maddie comes along and there’s a bit more to the story. she has a lot going on, a lot she’s been through and we spend much of her first season getting to know her and watching her confront her past and create her own present. chimney had a bit of a rough start with relationships (.... tatiana, sorry love, but you could’ve had it all sis). her and chimney start out as friends but it’s very clear from their blossoming friendship that the writers intend for us to want a relationship for them, and we DO. because theyre adorable together and genuinely have so much chemistry and they’re good for one another. it’s a bit of a slowburn but we get there eventually, so much so that in the season 3 finale, we find out maddie is pregnant! which yes, did make me cry shut up. 

hen and karen had a rough start. even if they did look happy, they went through a ton of shit in the first and second season, especially the first season. which is fair; hen cheated on karen, and a large part of her storyline revolved around her ex and having to fight for denny. but there’s so much love between them, and a heavy history that is palpable through the screen. by the time season 2 comes around, they are a bit more grounded, and more so by the time season 3, too. it was interesting to think about their relationship is comparison to the others, which we watched blossom in real time. especially in season 3, because we see their love and support of one another during their attempt to have another child, and yes I also did cry when they met nia for the first time and no I will not elaborate. hen also went through a lot of shit this season; karen, despite what she went through, was and continues to be super wonderful and supportive, if a bit wary (but its okay because drunk karen and chim was a gift and we were well fed) for a second. their relationship is everything and also karen carries the whole show’s sense of humor on her back, I said what I said. 

then we have three more main relationships: michael and athena’s, which is over in episode 1; buck and abby (im not counting ali because genuinely she was in three episodes, im only looking at the main relationships for each character), which starts and ends in season 1; and eddie and shannon, which technically starts before season 1 and kinda ends in season 2 but then she dies. 

personally I dont think there’s much to add about michael and athena’s relationship. firstly, michael is a doll and if they hurt him in season 4 I will riot. but more so, the show gave us a LOT to work with in terms of their past relationship. also, it was interesting as a viewer, to learn about them from the bottom up. we see the tail-end of their romantic relationship and watch it get replaced with a genuine love and care for each other and their family. it’s a stark contrast to what a lot of shows on television would go for; it has a bit of rough, bumpy start, but by midway through season 2, they’re both on steady ground in terms of personal family life, and it’s actually a breath of fresh air. their dynamic is heavily surrounded by love for family, and we love love love that. 

I think with abby and buck we all liked it a little, at the start. buck was sweet to her and we see a change in attitude and an effort from buck that is clear to have never been made before. abby is also a pretty admirable character; she takes care of her mother, is incredible at her job as a dispatcher, and she struggles with maintaining personal relationships but still gives it a go with buck. and buck, from the start to end of the season, grows a lot, both independently from and surrounding their relationship. as a viewer I watched the show way later on, so I knew abby was leaving and honestly, I really did like her and their chemistry. as we go into season 2, we have buck, who is still living in abby’s place, and then the introduction of eddie.

so here’s the thing; this is where I was trying to get to. the show (the writers) made and continue to make interesting character and relationship choices. with eddie and shannon, there is a very clear closeness and chemistry between them that yes, does get revamped for a little. there is also history, which is very important and can’t be disregarded. but more than anything, we are looking at timing in this meta. eddie comes along in season 2 and there are a lot of things happening: hen and karen are getting back to normal, athena and bobby are suddenly dating, buck and abby are - despite what buck thinks - very over, and chim is single and ready to pringle, plus maddie is new and freshly separated from d*ug. as we go through season 2, we see development with athena and bobby, very clearly on their way to a stable relationship and marriage. hen and karen are working through things, we don't really doubt their relationship either. both maddie and chimney are single, and they become friends, and we very quickly, as viewers, realize where the writers are taking us and what they want us to think. 

so now im gonna get on my clown shit when I talk about buck and eddie. specifically, regarding the writers and their timing and why I think they’re either really stupid or actually very smart.

listen, everyone loves slowburn. hell, I'm writing a buddie au that will probably end up being like, upwards of 80k words and it’s gonna be a slowburn. buck, at the beginning of season 2, is in denial. im not gonna go through details but I will say that like..... okay, he’s heartbroken and thats fair. eddie, through means of “what a man,” is introduced and within one fell swoop, buck is immediately jealous and then like, twenty four hours later, they’re besties. tea. totally fair. in terms of timing, especially regarding relationships, there really aren’t many things to note: buck goes through that weird thing with taylor kelly, eddie goes through his drama with shannon, and when shannon wants a divorce, it kinda all goes to shit. by the end of season 2, we have buck trying to move on (and also nearly dying by means of a firetruck but thats not my point but also writers wtf) and dating ali (guys how do you spell her name lol) while eddie deals with the aftermath of his (ex, technically but I don't know if its mean to say that) wife. there are more than a few moments between buck and eddie that hint to a potential romance and feelings, like the santa scene and multiple others. then, season 3 is very very interesting. 

buck and ally(? seriously I don't know) are broken up, eddie is focused on christopher and actually, also buck, and then the tsunami happens. there is also not much going on in terms of other relationships on the show; maddie and chim get their shit together while also having a crazy season starting and ending with talking about having kids with a brief intermission of “I cant say I love you” and nearly dying on both parts and albert appears lol (and then disappears, too?? wtf). athena and bobby are pretty cool, hen and karen are trying for kids and hen wants to be a doctor. we have some others, like josh, who go through too much shit for my liking and deserve better, and michael, who...... deserves the world. 

okay. cleared that up. but timing-wise, if we look at the writers and their regard for timing, then we see this: any time two characters are single and there’s an ounce of friendship even hinted, they end up together. fine, that’s fair to say because we’ve seen it, right? after the tsunami, which is a WHOLE OTHER thing im not getting into, we have the lawsuit, eddie fighting, lena bosko (yall can be mad but she was hella cool), hen killing that cello (I think) player, michael getting sick, wow this season was fucking insane holy shit.

but in terms of character relationships and timing, a lot goes on with buck and eddie. in this one season alone, we go from eddie being the first one to hug buck at his surprise party and christopher giving buck a card with “bff” on it, then buck almost dies (again) and eddie is, quite frankly, the only one who takes no crap from him after he quits and then the tsunami and buck literally tearing himself apart to find his best friend’s son and collapsing at the sight of them reunited and then “there’s no one I trust more with my son than you” (is that the quote, I don't know it by heart) and THEN heart eyes, and then the lawsuit and supermarket and “you’re exhausting” and “christopher misses you” and “I couldn't even call you to bail me outta jail” and then the “I’m hearing a lotta ‘I’s, buck” and “I forgive you” and then the Infamous Kitchen Scene and me endlessly screaming WHY WAS BUCK’S HAND ON HIS BELT LIKE THAT? but also very pointedly I will say eddie fighting specifically when he can’t talk to buck and then it stops around the time he can hmmmmm. and also “this is eddie’s house im not really a guest here” then the fuckaifajfgkjfglgakjdgag tunnel collapsing and buck literally, once again tearing himself and everything apart for a diaz, digging with his bare hands and the defeated look on his face and refusing to think about eddie dying and eddie very nearly dying but then recalling christopher, his family, buck, then christopher and buck, then christopher and buck again, then a rare shannon appears, and then it’s just-

okay. OKay. O K AY. ok. here’s what I think. either the writers are incredibly smart or just viciously stupid, or the third, lesser liked option, they know what they’re doing and don’t give two shits. they are sitting on, and quite frankly they have created, a fucking goldmine. but in terms of timing, and relationship choices, we have eddie and anna(?) as a brief thing that will either reappear in season 4 or never be touched again, then abby’s lame-ass apology that was just her attempting to justify her actions by claiming she simply just should’ve told buck sooner. but a lot of this season explores buck’s loneliness, and in a way, too, eddie’s. 

yes, eddie has christopher, and the others? they have families and significant others. buck has no one (except maddie but you get my point) to go home to. I think, in terms of timing and thematic elements, this season took the time to explore the loneliness of two men, but also by doing so, only high-lighted their need for one another, their love for one another. in the past, that has lead to two couples getting together: athena and bobby, and chimney and maddie. 

so, my point is, season 4 is the make it or break it point. we got (weak-ass) closure with abby, eddie’s anger and regret with shannon (and yes, christopher), an exploration of both of their loneliness, and a very, very clear rocket launch of their closeness and dependence on one another, in season 3. it started with a lot and ended with closure on all extraneous factors that could have possibly deterred the two of them from a potential relationship. more so, abby is getting married and buck has no choice but to move on; he may not have loved her anymore but he needed the closure (and no I do not think it was good enough and I think buck deserved more but that’s not my point).

this can’t be read that much into. it’s not subtle, it’s not subtext. it’s very clearly there on our screens, with every small or big line. they mean a lot to each other. anyone with eyes can say that, has to say that. the problem is, what’s the intention? like, are the writers actually doing what I've just said, setting up for a slowburn, taking it season by season. you can look at it that way, and it actually doesnt take a lot to get to that point of a thought process. there is a HUGE, fundamental shift in buck and eddie’s relationship in season 3. there is a perceived difference in their friendship versus both their relationship with others and the friendship between others. denny doesn’t call chimney his best friend, “his chimney.” athena has never once told hen she trusts her children with her more than anyone in the world. 

there are a lot of interesting choices that have been made over the course of three season, particularly this past season. there are also a lot of possibilities for the upcoming season. we may see a return of that teacher, we might see buck fall into other women, we may see eddie not fully over shannon, or (hopefully not) an abby return. it’s just a matter of waiting, but there’s no denying the way things were left off; buck and eddie were both single throughout the entirety of season 3, considerably closer and not guests at each other’s place, both very lonely in spite of the people around them, closer to each other than the rest of the 118, both have a family member (or more than one for eddie) to keep them anchored. buck is, yes, more lonely, but they are both left off in the same place. my question, more than anything, is whether it’s intentional after all that’s said and done. and if it’s not, then why, pray tell, are the writers following their OWN very clear and self-fulfilled pattern of timing and relationships to an even stronger extent than they ever have? 

#buddie #911 meta #9-1-1 #911 on fox #911 fox #evan buckley #eddie diaz #buck x eddie #chimney han #maddie buckley #bobby nash #athena grant #henrietta wilson #karen wilson #michael grant #long post #but yeah #this is my thought process

[silverandarsenic-hcs]

a bit NSFW if that’s ok, if not that’s fine. How would the papas&copia react to fem s/o whose a virgin and never masturbated mostly just cause they’re afraid to masturbate. (I have a friend who automatically assumes I may end up as 40 yr old virgin& it’s going to suck my first time because of this. Kinda left me gloomy the rest of that day so that’s kinda why I wanted to ask...)-Same anon who sent in a request about being treated like a child

alright i know this isn’t a personal advise column but as the Resident Nympho of this page i have something to say ...

everyone takes sexual experiences/sexuality at their own pace and there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a virgin at any age. having sex is cool. not having sex is cool. not wanting to ever have sex is also cool. i’d maybe examine your fears a little and see what the issue is but, and i mean this with full disrestpect, fuck people who make you feel like a sub-human for not “doing what everyone else is doing”. (also we’re working on your earlier ask right now! should be up soon. i just saw this one and wanted to do it right away❤️ lov u) on with the ask...

Papa I: knows people take things at their own pace and doesn’t even question you about it unless you tell him you wanna talk about it. didn’t lose his v card until he was 25 cause he was just ... interested in doing other things. if anyone ever made you feel bad about not wanting to Do The Sex or being afraid he would whole heartedly stand up for you and tell you there is absolutely nothing wrong with the way you feel. he’s old and wise, but can be stern and rough, so he’s probably not the best person to come to if you’re feeling particularly soft about the situation. but he knows if you need someone, he has to be there for you so you know you can trust him, so he lets down his walls (just for you) so he can help.

Papa II: naughty old man doesn’t understand what Not Wanting Sex is like at all, but also, doesn’t pressure you. he too, in his old age, is lacking in the luster department, so he’s perfectly fine with just spending good time with you. besides, there’s plenty of other things he’d be more than happy to show you that don’t even have to involve sex .... also would murder anyone who harassed you about it in cold blood and bury their body under the church, if not crucify them directly. he won’t tolerate many things, least of which is someone disrespecting the choices of his lover. all you hear is this papa shout “THATS MY WIFE” and then the sound of a man hitting the floor.

Papa III: the idea almost elates him... this man loves to teach, and be in control of situations, and if you’re willing and ready, he’s the perfect person to go to when you feel it’s time. he’ll be slow with you, gentle and asking for consent every time he does something knew. i think his presence just has the power to melt away any fears when you know he’s on your side. and if you’ve never even touched yourself before, he’d be more than happy to show you what feels good, and when you start to understand your body, you can tell him what you like and don’t like, and he will take every piece of direction you give him. man is all ears and those ears are ready to hear some moans...

Cardinal Copia: the thought hadn’t occurred to him that other people might feel the same as he did.... he too once had a lot of fear surrounding sex and intimacy. the situation intimidated him and he was afraid he would mess it all up and things would go terribly wrong. it took a lot of time - and locked doors and hand lotion - for him to start to come to terms with his feelings and eventually overcome them. (nyx always says the best way to get over a fear is keep doing it until you’re no longer uncomfortable. i have a feeling this only works sometimes...) he’s likely the most understanding and sympathetic out of everyone, because he knows how you feel and he knows how best to try and help you if you want to. not to mention, he secretly loves when things start getting hot and heavy and you call it quits, cause it makes it a little hotter knowing the sex won’t actually happen. in his mind, it’s a sexy little tease, and even though he stops and you both go back to whatever you were doing, it takes him a little longer to calm down.

- Judith, Local Supportive Sex Addict

#ghost bc #the band ghost #ghost #posted by judith #cardinal copia #cardi c #papa i #papa ii #papa iii #answered by judith

[crapitskizaru]

Caution - Keep the babies away: Red Devil, Lil Bird and Flame Boi Version

Can i get kid, ace and maybe marco or a character of your choice with a s/o whos very very afraid of being/getting pregnant, childbirth and small babies and children give her very bad anxiety (tokophobia, i think)? I see a lot of stuff on multiple different blogs and fandoms about pregnant s/o and having children, meanwhile im over here like, thats cool but im Terrified™

The Red Devil 

🍼 “Same.” 

🍼 He may not be scared of children, but meeting them never occurs as a pleasurable experience for this man - they stink, cry, whine, as well as require a whole lot of attention and patience, so not really Kiddo’s domain 

🍼 if his partner’s scared of getting pregnant, he surely won’t put pressure on them in this topic; he doesn’t really feel the need to become a father, and besides that, his own insecurities keep telling him he wouldn’t be able to prove himself as a parent anyway 

🍼 so, to prevent any accidents from happening, he makes sure to always have a bunch of condoms in stock - even if protection is the last thing on his mind during steamy times, at least his lover has a chance to remind him about it 

🍼 “Oi, oi. You’re not getting knocked up, so chill.” 

🍼  if his lover’s fears keep them from indulging in the intimacy sphere with Kiddo, he won’t just settle for innocent cuddling and petting; since his libido is unusually high, and he has no intention of restraining his sexual desires, he’ll just invest in more forms of protection - besides piles of condoms, Kiddo supplies both himself if male birth control would ever become a real thing and his lover with pills to make them feel more comfortable, or, more probably, to simply convince them to have sex with him 

🍼 “I’ll even pull out, but for fuck’s sake, let’s bang already.” 

Ace the Sunshine 

🍼 “Oh?” 

🍼 again, just like Kiddo, Ace doesn’t have to be a father by all means - especially since he thinks it’d be better if his blood wasn’t passed on to anyone 

🍼 “Don’t worry babe, I’ll pull out.” 

🍼 of course, he usually doesn’t - the boy gets so caught up in the heat of the moment, he’s rarely able to think about anything other than just how much he loves his partner; so he decides to contribute enormously to the condom industry’s financial support to solve the problem indefinitely

🍼 Ace is naturally good with kids, and even though he wouldn’t understand his partner’s fears at first, he surely tries to - besides, the case of his family growing isn’t the most important one for this man so it’d never become a dealbreaker 

🍼 “You are my family~” 

Marco the lil Bird 

🍼 oh, this man adores children, but only in the sense of helping to cure their illnesses, as a doctor - becoming a father was never his goal, especially after what happened with the Whitebeard Pirates; if he was ever to lose his child, he knows he wouldn’t be able to cope with that 

🍼 so, understanding his partner’s fears, he would take things slow to make sure he convinced them that they are fully protected from getting pregnant - then he implements the sexy times, with the whole arsenal of pills and condoms; if he ever felt fancy enough for it, Marco could surprise his lover with flavoured ones pineapple flavour is his all-time fav, of course 

🍼 “Nothing to worry about, yoi.” 

🍼 since he quite often prefers for the sex pace to be slow, he’d also try pulling out, just to make make his partner more comfortable and reassured 

🍼 if there was ever a case of them actually wanting to have a child but being too anxious of childbirth, Marco’s the perfect man for the job - teaching them about possible outcomes of pregnancy, complications or possibilities could put his partner off even more, but it’d be the first step to overcoming the fear, since they will at least know what exactly is there to expect 

🍼 “Trust me in this. I’ll be here, right by your side, yoi.” 

#marco the phoenix #Portgas D. Ace #portgas d ace #eustass kid #one piece imagines #xoxobb #one piece imagine #one piece headcanons #op headcanons #op imagines

[voidsoull]

good good kink meme  //  james buchanan barnes 

ROMANCE/AFFECTION:  lbr bucky is an incredibly romantic person– either with people hes in a relationship or not. he likes the idea of lavishing someone in romantic gestures and affections, he likes to make it clear how he feels about a person– even in fact, if that dynamic is platonic. so long as the other person is comfortable, he is more than happy to be what is dubbed as ‘romantic’ toward even friends. he is very expressive in his emotions and how he loves people. however, when actually in a romantic and/or sexual relationship with someone it manifests in some variety of different ways, but furthermore he gets a different kind of pleasure from indulging someone. in the same way, when in a relationship with someone, he also gets a different kind of pleasure from receiving romantic and affection gestures. whereas in platonic/non relationship instances, the pleasure is entirely different.

HANDJOB/FINGERING:  bucky really likes fingering his partners specifically– especially when in a position to be at eye level with that person. to force them to look at him, to see and hear and feel their reactions. in a similar respect, someone he trusts fingering him till he cums?? good shit !!  DEEPTHROAT: tbh he hella enjoys the sound of someone deepthroating him and like holding their head, affectionately stroking their cheek etc– but also fucking into their mouth like yiiisss. on the flipside, he has a reasonable gag reflex, but often gets watery eyes when doing it– but he hella enjoys the aesthetic of that/how he looks for that person. plus bucky is a Thirsty Boii for going down on people so  SWALLOWING: no real opinions on it tbh  EDGING: ngl bucky was……. an Innocent Bean to a degree back in the day like. lots of repression so he never truly explored a lot– skip forward in time??   he doesn’t like this being done to him a lot at first like. totally makes him freak out. anything related to being controlled and denied is a struggle for bucky at first. but given the right person and time to build trust– maybe even experimenting with doing it on the other person first, and it really opens him up a lot. to the point where it doesn’t perhaps become something he outright craves doing/having done to him all the time, but definitely something that will click in certain instances as a kinda of ‘welp shit yep this is what is needed to help rn’ in the sense of either having it done to himself or doing it to someone else.  TEASING:  jfc bucky barnes is a doof and has no idea but he is actually the biggest tease without even trying!!  when he is trying however, it’s ridiculous and will cause eyes to roll. he loves being teased though but 10/10 will never admit. 

DOMINANT OR SUBMISSIVE?:   massive fucken switch tbh but like– hes never in the middle. he either 100% feels one or the other, it just tends to change sometimes/depending on his mood/headspace/partner etc.  TOP OR BOTTOM?:   as with above tbh, a hella switch

DADDY KINK?: ohh boii he has a massive one. and being such a switch it works either way— being the daddy or little/whatever term preferred. that being said— he has a thing for name usage as a whole— sir, master/mistress/ma’am/all that stuff-- sergeant especially eyyy. but the further depths of daddy kinks work really well for him given, as with most, the level of trust and intimacy.  PRAISE KINK?:  ....oh boy. does bucky barnes have the biggest fucking praise kink or whaaattt  DOMESTIC SERVITUDE:  it’s not really something hes into tbh like, doesn’t need it/like it from his partners. but certainly, to tie in with the romantic stuff it can come into play with those he loves like it will just be a case of he does certain things. but it’s not a fully developed kink or anything-- not to the extent of essentially becoming a domestic slave for a person etc. he aint about that.  PETPLAY:  it’s another thing bucky comes to learning about in later life and at first, doesn’t understand– but as he comes to get curious, he learns about it more and it’s certainly something he enjoys exploring. hes particularly fond of his partner in position of ‘pet’ and he will always be a doting and adoring ‘owner’– never cruel, always nurturing. however, when it is switched around/if he is the pet-- then he likes his partner to take the opposite care with him. he wants a harsh owner within those scenes.  DISCIPLINE:  it’s a tricky one with bucky bc like he worries people get the wrong idea with him, that he enjoys it for the wrong reason. hes not a sadist, nor is he a masochist as such. it’s not about enjoying the pain, but enjoying the control it provides. the grounding. to discipline someone else and be allowed that trust and control with someone and to also receive it himself. but it is only ever with someone he has spent time with, spent time building a relationship and trust with. he can never have casual relationships that involve any of this, not on any deeper levels other than simple basics. but yeah he just !! he really likes the control it can provide either to do this or have this done with him. having clear rules and consequences if those are broken?? thats some good shit !!   BEGGING:  the idea of it nopes him out tbh. he hates the idea of it, but as he’s come to find-- he actually rather enjoys it in practice?? being driven to that level, and also driving someone else to it too and holding their release in whatever kind of way, in his hand?? perfect!! so it’s something that has grown over time tbh from a nope to a yes??  FORCED ORGASM:  with stuff like this it’s always a case of the having a strong bond and trust thing. but as well like asdfghj he himself, when he is in a submissive head space, gets truly lost in it. he needs to offer up all control of himself in order to achieve some peace. due to his past it’s a difficult place for him to be in, but the fact is he craves it so deeply it hurts sometimes, so he needs a partner that will be right there with him and not hesitate to take from him. so this is hella encouraged!!    in the same respect, if it’s something his partner is okay with too– he enjoys doing it to them too, having so much of their trust and control.  ORGASM DENIAL:  aandd this one ties in with that bc it’s the flipside. 

GAG: 100% nope in any instance.  although with someone he trusts, if he is really really deep in sub space like, he’ll ask for it. but it’s rare. very fucking rare.  COLLAR: something he hates the idea of at first and thinks is a bit odd and-- honestly, again, he worries other people might judge him for wanting it?? but ends up being a thing he likes to wear- bc no matter his head space, dominant or submissive, he likes the visual representation of belonging. it’s grounding. especially bc it’s such a positive possession. he loves his partner to have one too but would never force it. but like with most things with bucky-- it’s only ever something that happens with someone hes committed to either in a romantic sense, or d/s dynamic etc.  LEASH:  not so much like?? nahh  BONDAGE (LIGHT):  he’s cool with light amounts?? cuffs, that kinda of thing??  BONDAGE (HEAVY):  this one takes time though bc it can be a trigger for him if done wrong-- communication is so key in kink relationships, and he can be bad at it sometimes so??   but if it’s with someone hes insanely close to it’s a lot easier bc he can comfortably to an extent discuss his triggers and such. however as a side note: he fucking adores shibari. 

DILDOS:  he ends up with quite the collection to use either on himself or someone else  PLUGS: as above-- he reeeally enjoys these  VIBRATORS: aaasss aboooveee  SOUNDING: he freaks the fuck out at even the idea ahahaha it’s kinda hilarious really his reaction at even the mention  COCK RING: he’ll sulk over the idea of someone using one on him bc?? how dare u delay my orgasm/take that control but he actually likes the aesthetic of it and the amount of trust it implies. 

ORGY: hard nope, will only ever watch but never engage.  THREESOME: only ever with two other people hes in a relationship with/is close with etc  VOYUERISM: he hella has a kink tbh but he will blush and ignore it and never admit  EXHIBITIONISM: only his partner is allowed to watch him so nope, nobody else allowed. the closest he gets is like– semi public sexual acts kinda thing-- bathrooms?? dressing rooms?? balconies?? under a table?? that kinda thing. where the is a risk of being caught and seen, but it doesn’t even really happen. 

PAIN

LIGHT: as mentioned before in the discipline section, it’s not so much that he craves the pain/inflicting it, as it’s about the control and trust that comes with it. while he does enjoy receiving pain and it certainly is true that certain types turn him on, it’s less about the sexual connotations for him as it is the emotional motivations and such.  HEAVY: so as above  NIPPLE CLAMPS: y e s !! ohmygod he l o v e s these being used on himself-- and on the flip side, adores the reactions when used on others.  WAX: not so much, but willing to explore like?? the aesthetic and visuals of it interest him, but it’s nothing more than aesthetically pleasing really.  BITING: b i t e hiiimm!! and he hella likes biting and leaving marks on people  CANING: something that starts out as a soft limit, but actually ends up becoming a thing he really, really enjoys and craves. however, doesn’t enjoy using it on other people.  SPANKING: yiisss receiving and giving!! especially given that it’s tied in with the whole discipline thing !!  SCRATCHING: he likes being left with scratch marks a looott  HAIR PULLING: indeeedd!! god he’s so weak for this. and has a real habit of doing this a  l o t with other people !! 

#posted this so long ago on my private blog with levi but !! made some tweaks here and there and just !! #PUTTING BUCKY ON BLAST ;D;D #✦ headcanon // james buchanan barnes. ✦

[ramblingshit]

Jane Eyre - 1996 - 2/5

what even is acting. what even is a script.

wasn't gonna do this one but fuck it's aunt petunia and rogue. here we go.

lots of credits fairo. more credits. damn fukin eh - i hear you're a wicked child! lol hi. now we're talking about hell and where bad people go. 'keep well and not die' ahaha m8. fkn reed putting seed in that she's a liar. teach her at her prospects, don't let her come back, she's a lying little shit take her away from here. he's appropriately scary oh shit she's saying this in front of the priest. damn tear that lady a new one. unruly, obstinate, wicked, deceitful, man these people hate kids who act out. walks in and damn she's on teh stool already - IS THAT THE LADY FROM PERSUASION. damn she just got here and he's telling everyone to not trust her, she doesn't get to eat and has to stand - she's just done hours of travelling fuckin assholes. IT IS THE LADY FROM PERSUASION. shes got dark hair and dark eyes and shes like glaring at everyone like shes onna kill him in their sleep. lol enjoy helen while she's alive. eatin bread and cheese in bed like she's not gonna get crumbs. omg telling these kids how to stand properly what why this lady hate her she's gonna cane her for not washing her hands. bish doesn't even flinch go helen. 'cleanliness is next to godliness' alright crazy. this school is a lot more chill than most of the others - they're laughing and doing what they want as well as learning and playing games. making jane out to be a pro artist. oh no ol mate saw her with her hair out. no dont cut it. 'vanity?' shes out here with naturally long, red and curly hair and he's out here calling her vain? because he recognises it as lovely she must be vain about it? what a fkn dickhole get off your high horse sexist moron pig anus head. what. he's saying her naturally  iwgh what i don't even understand his shit - it isn't offending him thats the issue its her naturally occuring sin and vanity (because her hair exists?) that is the issue??  what. lol go Jane. NO. oh fuck go Jane go. this guyyyy. don't do it Jane. chin held high she only does it when Helen nods at her to. DAAAAAAAAMN. took of her own bonnet. if Helen's hair goes so does Janes. they stood together looked at each other and flipped their heads over for him to go snip snip, bish looked shock and actually stepped back in horror. What a bae. Helen's fkn dying send help. fuck this lady should not be working with children considering how much she hates children. o shit where's helen. her beds all rolled up. can hear her hacking away in the distance. yikes that sounds bad. jane be creepin. oh fuck she's a terrible actress even as a kid. who honestly thinks its a good idea to hire her. she lying in her dying friend's bed and she's breathing all over her. isn't anna paquin australian? no? ah new zealand fairo. oh fuck Helen's daed. she's trying to squeeze out tears ahah oh no. she can't manage it. anna go back to new zealand you suck at acting who hired you ever. Riparoonies helen. that was actually the greatest jane and helen moment i've seen tbh. oh damn cool transition as she walked from helen's grave - she went from kid to adult. whats this part down the midde all of them got. Miss Temple fam, persuasion lady, fantastic lady, crying as Jane leaves like her mumma. this jane is long-flat-faced with a long protruding jaw, and very tall and skinny. thornfield looks like its already burned down ahaha. straight up castle here. she's got her drawing stuff as well as her bag. nice friendly ol mate meets her and opens the gates - big ass square this is some game of thrones shit yearh this place is like medieval more than victorian. the middle parted hair and the curled twists behind her head they're pretty much exactly the same in most Janes. all chillin and chatting about this together rather than completely separate. adele actually legit sounds french rather than just pretending? noice. dreary, cold, dark halls. her room is bright and airy with a four-poster bed and bay windows and lots of very nice furniture. river runs beside it; enormous tapestries; main gallery with lots of furniture and paintings and sculpures all covered in sheets with windows open to let in light; the doors are very large and heavy. Janes got a very long neck she looks legit like a fkn swan lmao. ooh a rochester backstory. well-travelled, intelliegent, can't tell if he's talking in jest or in earnest, or if he is pleased or irritated, not a happy man. they're just walking about in his rooms. the sun shines bright but cannot reach them through the thick mist. they're very soft-spoken. god her head is so far forward she's like the alien - long ass neck stretching forward and then her chin and jaw stretching wayyyy forward. wack wack anatomy.  it's very dark and dreary. she's off for a walk leaving adele to do like 5 sums. oh she's been here five minutes and they're already meeting. the music is like ... not appropriately intense? he just sorta looked at her, the horse tripped over and then he was on the floor and she's like whoops uh you alright bro. he's outright lying and pretending that he's not rochester his hair is grotty he's got like no hair on top they've just tries to scraggle it. this is so stunted and awkward. i hope it gets better. he's very gentle and she's pretty nonexistent to far. my god very gentle man. what. is he even rochester? that's a german shepherd. noice. playin chess by himself by the fire lol. this movie would be made infinitely better by an actual soundtrack. they're all chilling together again it's interesting - adele and fairfax and rochester and jane. wait she's been here 4 months. it literally didn't show anything about her chilling here. she talked back and now he's grumpy lol. what a terrible start compared to like... every other first convo. isn't she supposed to be not great at piano and yet she's teaching adele -- wait now we're at another convo between the duo. this convo is the other half of --- wait now we're talking sketches? jesus she hmm what are they talking about she's being forward and fuck her chin twists forward as she speaks she kinda looks like the wicked witch of the west. he's judging her drawings like he can do better. this is a mess? the best part about this so far is adele.  there's no sense of time. adele is gorgeous honestly. she's pale and gaunt with bags beneath her eyes. wait here's the next part of the conversation. blunt and brusque replies from her. god they're so obviously acting its painful. they have no chemistry because the CONVERSATION IS ALL OVER THE PLACE. they've done it on pruspose to try stretch things out a bit but like plz EY why he scrunch up the drawing wtf. 'and remember the shadows are as important as the light'. dudes. these are private conversations? it would be alright to try it more naturally but they're just not the kind of things you casually say. it's impersonal and there's no intimacy. sit there and watch a kid dance to the sound of a music box. he's so grumpy looking. now snapping at the kid. he's annoying. like a violent dude he feels more like a nice guy quick to snap - definitely kinda unhinged. and now drunk. hmm i don't like it. she told him not to be mean to adele and he rages about her mother, 'you've made adele feel unwanted and unloved' damn this Jane goes for the throat. she's too good for him I can see it now m8. he's a psycho run. red flag red flag. don't like it. lol he wake up like huh.... oh look beds on fire... huh... well suppose i should sort it out... huh... fuck they're barely acting huh. do they even want to be here. how much are these guys getting paid. he's literally a drunk. and has she had a drink in her life? she just went for it? omg so impersonal - isn't he supposed to be already half in love with her by this point? camera angle just flicks forward and back as the conversation goes on and when theres action it just pans back to the widest shot ever lol just show the entire scene why give any emphasis or focus to anything who needs reaction shots and feelings of being in it rather than observing it. fkn ey. he's literally just an angry blitering brooding drunk yikes. he's staring at her tits? these conversations man... he definitely just said jade instead of jane. m8 don't tell me he didn't. there's more intimacy between all the servants and jane and feeling more like an actual squad living together than there is any feeling between rochester and jane. adeles got a frog lol cute. 'you're a fool,' jane tells her reflection. this music is so shit it's bringing everything down. rochester, who's been an unfeeling ass the whole time, holds her hand once and now she's got a big crush on him. she's very spirited - to the point where she could too easily be cruel. like it's not just a repressed forcefulness it's like a hidden rage. can see her going mad and chopping someone up with icy rage and poised pleasure. wonder if i'm in a mood and interpreting this wrong? but honestly. dancing rochester now? instead of singing. adele is glaring at Mrs Ingram who just insulted jane lolol go kid she's definitely the best part. the background people actually make this place feel alive and natural, completely unlike their FUCKING AWFUL conversations. jesus what. god could you have two people less interested in each other? i think this fairfax knows about bertha. there's a 'tapestry bedroom'? lol what does that mean. they're dancing, playing cards, piano, the lot. oh the walls are literally covered in tapestries, that's creepy af. theres so much blood my dude would be dead yo. will hurt like doesn't know how to act. wwait theyve skipped my 'fav scene'?? theyre shaking hands again, wtf is this. wait what shes just met stjohn n he;s the one telling her all about the reeds? petunias dying 'love me then or hate me as you will - you have my full and free forgiveness' - i cant forgive any version that misses that out: its so powerful as part of her character. stalking her while he smokes in the dark what a creeper. 'how cuold you be so stupid!' lol fight him Jane i dont even know how we got to kissing likr the movie is almost 2 hours and yet it feels SO rushed. literally took away all the secret courting and his sneaky declarations. shes a modern woman trapped in an old age.  she is so skinny. and with entirely stiff expressions. ew he makes me so uncomfortable. theyre not even trying lol. acting ey acting have u heard of it. just left jane at the altar like bye bitch.shes just in a giant empty ugly room. bertha is a very young and frightened girl but also very sick in the typical long white dress and long dark hair. god this guy is a whingebum. bertha understands everything he's saying. oh yikes lol she just whipped a log from the fire and went after Jane and Jane just put her veil back down with like a sigh turned and yeeted slowly away long ass veil over a white bonnet, silk cape thing in a dark hallway walking all miserable. she's outies lol he's just let her walk out? i love u and i love u. bye. bertha's taken another log from the fire and lit the wedding dress on fire along with the house ahaha. wait he let her leave the house then ran after her on horseback but had to stop after bertha lit the place on fire it started burning and we're actually seeing it happen? interesting. the house is burning, pepople are running, bertha's on the battlements and rochester is going up there to --oh fuck grace poole got yeeted over by bertha oh she's flying ahahaha jumped down to where she threw grace poole. rochesters in the fire. jane's off and racing. it's all happened at once. she went to stjohns, didn't even get dumped in teh marshes but down she goes after chilling in a coach for 3 days. shes been there a month. her jaw is so long and forward its creepy. again one fo the few telling her that she's wealthy from inheritance from her uncle. more backstory. she was deeply loved by her parents, now she's wealthy, lifes looking up but she's all upset after than asshole lol move on and be happy. she's hearing his voice on the wind like please chill. damn 6months. what. um. he's very awkwardly trying to propose? but its like the last half of the conversation with the first bit just cut out. so weird. she looks normal face-on. oh she decides after the proposal to go back - none of that chasing after voices nonsense. whoops that shit burned downnn. doggoooo is still alive. what a good boy. fuck me there's like no anticipation, no intensity, no build-up, no chemistry, it's so dry and cold and heartless. christ acting. act. acting. act. please. act. what is happening. act. she has the neck of a swan ol mate. fucking gross. their words are stilted, and not romantic in the slightest and especially not in their delivery. theyre walking with no kids but the dog but they're talking about the kids. oh my god. that was pretty fkn awful. like seriously not good.

#jane eyre #charlotte bronte #1996 #movies #commentary #review #ramble #shit #ramblingshit #charlotte gainsbourg #william hurt #anna paquin

[wildgeese2017]

i dont know whether i want to hav sex with her like if i cud. i think that shes into me she smiles at me and she seeks me out and she laughs at my jokes and compliments my outfits? ive known her so long and i trust her kindness. i think shes cool and sweet and interesting and like she really listens to what i say and is childish like me like she isnt embarrased to act weird and silly and get excited about little things. she seems like she wants to be around me. and i hav convinced myself that i like her. for years shes been my go to crush. its just when i imagine being touched it makes me feel weird?? i know shes had gay sex b4 i think shes hot and pretty and i love her style. i wouldnt mind touching her but the thought of someone touching me in that way scares me i worry that it would repulse me. but i want it so bad. i want her to kiss me and rough me up a bit push her fingers into my thighs u kno stuff like that , is that what attraction is? my relationship to my sexuality and body even is so warped and abstract at this point so disconnected from what reality can offer me. i think she is closer than most people to what i cud actually even attempt to experience something with tho. like she gets me im afraid of men so women make me feel safer to try stuff with i only hav experience w girls anyway not that its actually substantial or like in that romantic serious context. i just i want to be wanted so badly i know that i have been at least once. i get so confused i cant possibly be that bad but noone has ever loved me for my body. i can timagine what its like to experience the reverse. sure i am granted the privilege of not bein specifically disliked automatically for my body but it isnt worth much more as social currency beyond basic decency (which everyone deserves but doesn’t get). maybe i need to be less in my head. but im scared ill try intimacy with her and i wont like it . and that will mean a few possible things which would fuck me up and scar my self perception. firstly, it could mean that im not capable of normal intimacy that i am really genuinely fucked in the head like the rabbit hole i fell down when i was 11 genuinely messed me up like i gave into some evil shameful thing inside me when i was a child and now i can never be acceptable normal healthy or loved securely. second it cud mean i dont actually like women ive been playing as part of the lgbtq community this whole time how can i face myself or my friends being straight is shameful to me its so lame and uncool i know this sounds so like weird and fetishistic or performative but thats exactly what im afraid of i dont want to see myself like this i wasnt ready to label myself but i did i labelled myself so young and now it feels scary it feels wrong for me to say i dont like it when people are like you;re bisexual right? i feel that thing when you share too much too soon like your skin is peeled off all raw and exposed. i hate that. what if im too messed up i dont know it for sure what if intimacy proves im broken. or at the very least very unique in a way that could lead me to living my life alone without partners or lovers i want so desperately to be someones favourite someone who makes me feel good when they touch me and anxious and annoyed. i want to care about someone so much. too trust someone to see my body like my weird moles and self harm scars my veins and hair and teeth i want someone to see me all of me and still decide they want me. that i am worth the effort that they would seek me out. i dont know if that will happen.

i drive myself crazy looking in the mirror in different angles wearing all these colourful frilly lacey outfits agonizing over how i must look. i make myself soft and sweet and loud and excited and loving so others will seek me out im like a duimb tropical bird and it hurts so much because it doesn’t feel like its working.

people say be true be authentic but they dont say how much it hurts to do that and not be idk rewarded? desired? like i am expressing myself and that is pushing people away even subconsciously? sure it would feel amazing for someone to see that expression and see that fragment of my inner world and think i love that i want that i want her i love her but it isnt happening not as far as i know not in a way which satisfies my lonely soul. 

i just dont want to be disgusting i try so hard to smell good and look sparkly and fun and bright and loving i think the manic pixie dream girl trope really damaged my psyche  

i think i like other people too i feel different when they touch me like it feels more intense more like its getting through.

as far as i can tell my type is funny, creative, nice boobs dark or curly hair usually, i like people who are kinda sad bc i think we are alike which sounds cringe but people who are just living in a way which seems at least to me in a non-judgemental way to be unexamined i just cant really relate to i cant open up to someone who wont understand. i need people to say the right things or at least say nothing and only respond with touch.

is it weird that i carry on asking myself if i was touched as a child ? like i dont htink i was but i carry on feeling like it could have happened or i convince myself i did and then i mistrust people for no reason. but something must have happened i had such messed up thoughts maybe it was all the sex on tv i watched as a really young kid my parents would show me stuff with full nudity and relatively graphic sex my relationship to modesty is confusing i think i find people more attractive with their clothes on? i just see naked people like ok? thats a body its normal i dont get porn.

one thing i regret was being drunk and telling M that i cant watch porn i like weirder stuff and she was like bdsm? and i was like no its so weird it cant be in porn but i didnt mean it like that i meant i cant just feel stuff from nudity without context and i am into weird shit i dont know why i think maybe my mums mental health issues which she projected on me im worried i was just made wrong like im just a bad seed like i was destined to want things which dont make sense. but then i consider my whole warped desire hinges on the way it could be percieved by society the way society views people and their intented state of being. i am attracted to corruption addiction to transformation to giving into desire to showing desire physically with your body in a way that everyone can see and you can no longer control.

everything in my life boils down to my relationship with control. maybe its because i felt i didnt have any control as a child. my life was shifted against my will and i have this learned helplessness both from having my needs met without asking and from having my needs ignored or at least met in a lacklustre way. but then i think who really had control as a kid? kids dont control their life they dont make the decisions that what a guardian is for ?? but maybe its because i felt as though i did have to make the decisions like i didnt have clear boundaries and i dealt with that by punishing myself for overstepping rules i made myself. bc i had no control not really it felt like nobody had control there was noone to blame so i made things up new problems i cud blame myself for or i saw the problems my parents had said to myself i have that problem too and punished myself for it with feelings or pain or exercise or silence. i couldnt trust anyone. or at least i loved people but i couldnt open up. maybe thats why im so weird and territorial i keep things secret i hide stuff in my cupboard its like i invent things to be ashamed of i create problems for myself to distract from the problems i didnt have control pver the conception of. when i think of my childhood i think of feeling bad and ashamed of myself for taking advantage of my father like he was vulnerable and all i did was take money and time from him and he was struggling so much financially but he would still spend so much on leasiure when i think of it now i realise that spending time with me and making him happy must have made him feel good i get it more now that i do that with other people but at the time i felt so guilty all the time for the price of my clothes my food my life. and my mum would always say how terrible things were with money how tired she was how stressed she was how it was affecting her body. she would talk about how much she hated her body her fat her sagging face her pale skin her poor health i asked her once what superpower she’d choose and she said i want to be healthy all the time and i was confused then but i get it now. 

i just felt like i had to pretend to be happy or like i wasnt bored or the time like i didnt feel bad about how my stomach looked how yellow my teeth were how tangled my hair was the bags under my eyes and when i look back i realise no one was looking after me noone was making sure i brushed my teeth and hair twice a day i barely did it once a day i used to hate myself so much that i couldnt do my homework but nobody ever sat with me and made sure i did it past like the age of 7 . i remember feeling so scared of asking for help i remember having nightmares or being sick and standing on the landing listenning to my mother breather through her door being petrified of asking for help like she needed the sleep and i was a bad person for waking  her up like i was lying and then i actually started lying bc she wud just accept it let me fester on my own in bed all day if i said i wanted to if i said it hurt too much. i just im so scared of feeling that way again of feeling so scared so tired so useless so guilty so dissapointing so stupid so dumb so shallow so selfish so unworthy so dishonest so lazy so manipulative i look back and i think how could a child have been so awful? how could i have been as bad as i thought i was? it doesnt seem possible. the point at which i became irredeemable seems to shoft forwards each year like its chasing me and i become more and more of a villain stealing a bright future from the innocent child i used to be. i used to fantasize about going back and doing it all perfectly. when people asked me about my choice of power it always had to do with avoiding the consequences of my mistakes either immortality or time travel to be able to change what i did or to be able to move on without losing my future without losing my finite time. i want to be free of these constraints that feel so self inflicted. i spend so long in these mind prisons i construct labrynths in my head and get stuck there all alone with no way of asking for help without admitting how i got there in the first place.