#and people always mean 'if you've had an abusive romantic relationship'

[bonesandpoemsandflowers]

my current grand theory of everything as squeezed through the phantom of the opera filter is that the evo psych / neuro bio doctor guy who says that the most attractive thing to women is "autonomic nervous system regulation" is right, and most women, most of the time, want to feel safe. but also if you're the kind of woman who is very aware that the world is a fucked up place, if you've experienced any real actual physical violence in your life, and you're also kind of fucked up about surviving it because hey buddy, that's rough, then--

then of course some rich pretty boy doesn't make you feel safe, even in theory, in fiction, in fantasy. do you know what happens to rich pretty boys in failed state situations? unless their family uses that cash to immigrate out or hire a shit ton of private security, they die like everybody else.

so maybe yeah, maybe it is that the world is kind of fucked up place, and there is a little bit of fight fire with fire burning in not just the id, but everywhere in the psyche. maybe if you're very aware of how people might--no, not just might, maybe if you know people have wanted to actually for real kill you before, maybe the fantasy is man who is good at murder (but won't murder you, who is still emotionally vulnerable to you). maybe all this discourse on healthy relationship blah blah misses the point that sometimes danger is the point, sometimes danger IS the fantasy, sometimes danger is the allure because there is nothing safe about a person who's harmless. maybe the fantasy isn't civilizing the monster or taming the wilderness. maybe the fantasy is feeling safe because of the monster.

maybe the fantasy is knowing it's not just your teeth and claws against the uncertain world.

so maybe all The Discourse misses the fucking point, you know?

#everything about my world view makes sense if you realize i spent the first 5 years of my life living in civil war zones tbh #The Discourse #poto meta #i hate the 'you can only like this ship if you have trauma' argument #and people always mean 'if you've had an abusive romantic relationship' #bitch NO there's SO MANY OTHER FUCKED UP THINGS TO BE FUCKED UP ABOUT #your boyfriend read your emails? alright cool sorry that sucks and all but you know what else sucks? corpses in the street #you're five years old and your parents are buying a churro and waving it at you to get your attention away from #the lumpy shapes under the bloody sheets #you will spend several decades not writing about this because what is there to say? #'does all this REALLY have anything to do with--' i mean yeah. in some ways no. in many ways? YEAH.

[astrobiscuits]

Astroids you should check out in Solar Return chart part 2

Loves, ik it's been FOREVER since i last wrote a SR asteroids post. Truth is, i find not many asteroids have got a meaning which fits the specific of SR charts. My apologies😭😭

💸Asteroid Erben (40106) - "to inherit" (its meaning comes from German)

Having asteroid Erben (40106) prominent in SR chart indicates a year when you're gonna inherit money. Whether it's from one of your parents, your spouse or somebody else, only the chart will tell (but of course, for additional info always compare it to your Natal chart!)

If it conjuncts your personal planets in 4th/10th house, you're going to inherit money from either your mom or dad. Erben in 4th house conjuncting one of your planets also talks about inheriting a living property, like a house or an apartament

If it conjuncts your personal planets in 7th house, you're going to inherit money from your spouse. Unless Pluto, the 8th house or prominent death asteroids are also involved (will talk more abt them later), the money is highly likely going to come from a divorce

If it conjuncts Mars/planets in 3rd house, you're going to inherit a car, while if it conjuncts Uranus/planets in 11th house, you're going to inherit a plane (please let me play with it) or tech gadgets

If it conjuncts Jupiter/planets in 2nd house, expect a red warning of heavy cash rain☔💵

(For additional information check: death asteroids - Anubis (1912), Atropos (273), Grieve (4451), Rip (7711); name asteroids of the important people in your life; asteroid Split(12512) in case of divorce)

🏆Asteroid Nobel (6032) - named after Alfred Nobel, Swedish chemist, engineer, inventor, businessman and philanthropist

Having asteroid Nobel (6032) prominent in SR chart indicates a year when you're going to receive an important distinction, award, or maybe even the Nobel itself!

The domain you might receive this award correlates with the planets, North Node and the houses they're in

If it conjuncts Venus, you might be awarded in the fashion industry/beauty industry or in the arts field

If it conjuncts Mars, you might be awarded in sports (especially at violent and competitive sports like karate, box, weightlifting or cars racing) or in the military field

(This is for my STEM peeps) If asteroid Nobel is located in your SR 11th house and is ruled by Virgo, you might win an award/Nobel in physics! In this case, the planet (or even NN) that is conjuncting asteroid Nobel isn't as important as the house and its ruler

Albert Einstein had Nobel conjuncting his North Node in 11th house in 1922 when he received his physics Nobel. And guess what its ruler was...u guessed it♍

(For additional information check: fame asteroids - Fama (408), Varuna (20000), Zdislava (4275); asteroid Einstein (2001) if you've got a passion for physics)

⚔️ Asteroid Hedda (207) - "war/battle" (girl name of Germanic origin)

Having asteroid Hedda (207) prominent in SR chart indicates a year when you're going to be in frequent conflicts with various people and entities, depending on the planet it conjuncts. Your relationship with parents, siblings, friends, lover/spouse, co-workers, public institutions (universities, government etc.), mentors/teachers is at risk if this asteroid is involved

If it conjuncts Moon in 7th house, you're going to be in constant conflict with your mother regarding your romantic relationship. She might not approve of your partner, even though you two love each other💔

If it conjuncts Saturn in 9th house, you're going to be in constant conflict either with your father regarding college (you might want to study literature, but he wants you to become a doctor) or with an university's teacher (he might grade you poorly for no reason when you know you studied all the material)

(For additional information check: victory asteroids (in case you're gonna win these conflicts) - Champion (8732), TRIUMF (14959), Victoria (12); name asteroids of the important people in your life; abuse asteroids (if you got these, i'd suggest you to walk away from that relationship completely) - Adrastaeia (239), Astraea (5), Dejanira (157), Nemesis (128), Nessus (7066))

Take it easy today, don't forget to take some time for yourself and do something you love! Hope you enjoyed!🤍

#astro #astro community #astro placements #astrology #asteroids #astro posts #astro notes #astroblr #astro blog #astrology blog #asteroid erben #asteroid nobel #asteroid hedda #solar return

[weepingchronicles]

platonic yandere best friend headcanons

a/n: hi everyone :) im working on requests but it might take awhile since I've been busy. I just wanted to do this short lil post since I had the idea tw/cw: yandere behavior, stalker behavior, taking of ones belongings?

Platonic yandere friends are so special to me since they toe the line of what's normal in a friendship but are able to get away with more, I feel like? You share everything with your friends, your deep thoughts, your inner self that even your s/o and parents don't know about.

Partly I believe this is because they're your equals and you just feel more comfortable sharing stuff like that because your parents are more authority figures and sharing everything with your s/o might be embarrassing, at least to me.

You become very close with your new friend, to the point you don't even remember how you guys met and became so close. I think yandere best friend easily weasels their way into your life, gaining personal information that you've never told anyone before, yet told them.

Stuff like this creates a very tight bond, when you share trauma and embarrassing things you feel like you've known yandere best friend your whole life

And everything is great, until...

For the purpose of this post, let's say you have other friends, maybe not as close as yandere best friend but friends nonetheless! Yandere best friend is tolerant of your other friends, maybe even friends with them too, but all of that friendliness disappears if they feel threatened in the position as YOUR one best friend.

It starts off as nitpicking, waiting for them to mess up somehow.

Wow, they canceled on you that one time? That's rude. They don't invite you to everything and everywhere they go!? That is so shady!

Once they truly mess up somehow, coincidental or not, yandere best friend tells you to cut them off. Which you do, because they're your best friend! They're just looking out for you.

Yandere best friend is very possessive and protective of you! They might be the 'mom friend' but literally only for you. They even carry a separate bag for you in case anything happens.

You get hurt? Here's a band aid. Forgot perfume or need any makeup? They got you, even your favorite brands, of course they know what products you use, they're your best friend! (Totally didn't take pictures of everything you use to buy later on.)

They insist on always paying for you! Probably even makes a list on things you randomly mention you want just for them to gift you it on your birthday or Christmas. They don't expect anything in return but it's so difficult when they go all out for you and you got them a couple gifts. (They treasure it more than anything.)

If for some reason they don't have enough money to buy you dinner or something, they get insanely embarrassed!

One thing they do take advantage of, though, is your home. Specifically your bedroom. It is such a safe space for them, they swear they sleep better when you're right next to them. They often come over whenever you're there(or not) even if it's just to laze around and scroll on your phones. You probably even gift them a key to your house since they come over all the time.

They want you to have a very specific view on them. This may include coming from an abusive home which makes you let them over to your house often, wanting it to be a safe space for them. Whether it's true or not, they can't lie that it benefits them!

People often mistake you for a couple, whether you're same-sex or not. You find it uncomfortable but yandere best friend doesn't mind!

I mean, are you even really friends if people don't assume you're together?

Not to say yandere best friend has feelings for you, it's just that they don't care? All they want is you, if you gain romantic feelings for them they'll even be in a relationship with you, afraid that if they reject your bond will break.

If you get together with someone else though they'll be insanely protective. They don't think anyone is good enough for you and will poke and prod at your s/o, trying to find any flaws they can.

The most annoying behavior is probably their clinginess, when they're not with you they often text or facetime. They like facetime better or calling since they get worried over text. (what if you're secretly mad at them cause you responded with 'k' instead of "okay!!"?)

They get INSANELY worried if you don't respond or call them back. First, they spam you with calls, messages, even debating to call the police. They decide to check your house, using their keys to your home.

If you're still not home, they have no choice but to wait on you, the worry and anxiety turning into anger. Why the fuck aren't you responding!?

You come home after your busy day and go into your room.

Right as you turn the lights on is yandere best friend there going all like "what are you doing? where were you??" and you literally almost died from a heart attack.

It's super annoying to constantly check your phone in case your friend is worried about you over a "gut feeling" they had. You think about taking back the keys you gave them but they already made tons of multiples

All in all, just go along with everything they say and it'll be fine. They are less deranged than romantic yanderes as they probably won't kill for you. They prefer manipulation and sneaking around to get what they want, but killing people for you... they definitely would- but the job is much easier if you already think everyone is out to get you or toxic- other than your best friend of course!

A unique thing about yandere best friend is that if something major happens the friendship might not last. It turns into their dark obsessed enemies situation. They hate how your friendship ended whether it was your fault or theirs(most likely) but they still can't shake off their obsession towards you. They become much more secretive and manipulative and mean. They keep tabs on you however they can if they can't physically be around you. Whether that's social media or just plan ol' stalking your schedule. They remove all your friends by starting rumors or talking badly about you, you have no one.

Finally you break, guilt and loneliness overcoming you to the point where you apologize to yandere best friend and hope to rekindle your friendship whether it was your fault or not that it had ended.

Of course, they forgive you! But don't expect it to come without consequences, they are much meaner to you and keep a closer eye. If they suspect you distancing from their grip again, they don't beg and sob for your friendship like before- instead forcing you into their grasp, who else will be your friend except for them?

They guilt and humiliate you all in the means of you being beside them, and cuz it feels good to punish you for even trying to leave their side.

They are much more clingy and touchy, wanting to make up for lost time spent apart.

You better pinkie promise your loyalty because they are not letting go of you ever.

#yandere #platonic yandere #yandere headcanons #yandere x reader #yandere best friend #yandere bff #gender neutral y/n #gender neutral yandere #yandere hcs #yandere scenario #yandere drabble #soft yandere #obsession #obsessive yandere #obsessive love

[elliespassagerprincess]

ultraviolence by Lana del Rey with toxic/mean/abusive!ellie who hurts reader x painslut reader who kinda loves it

Ultraviolence - (ellie williams x reader)

hi anon! I'm sorry this took so long, its been a while since I've written something like this, so it took me a while to get into that mindset. I hope you enjoy<3

This story is based off the song, Ultraviolence by the queen Lana Del Ray, if you can please listen to the song as you're reading:)

Pairing: ellie x fem!reader

requests are always open, feel free to leave one:)

Warnings: toxic relationships, manipulation, cheating, reader is toxic

Summary: In which she became the person, you've always wanted

Authors note: wheeeew its been a while since I've written a fic that wasn't hcs, but I'm glad to be back!

He used to call me DN

That stood for deadly nightshade

'Cause I was filled with poison

But blessed with beauty and rage

Jim told me that

He hit me and it felt like a kiss

Jim brought me back

Reminded me of when we were kids

there was always something about Ellie.

You weren't sure if it was her dorky personality, or how she would apologize to table if she accidentally walked into it.

There was something about this girl.

And ever since you were a little girl, you knew you knw she was special. You felt like she was holding back. There was another side, you wanted to see.

You were both 7. You remembered watching Ellie, better known as four eyes because she wore massive glasses, sit alone once again. You remembered walking up to her, and asking her to play tag with you.

You still remembered the smile that spread across her face, because finally someone wanted to play with her. And since then Ellie has just always been there.

The two of you became friends. You aren't sure how, but she was always there.

You were Ellie's everything, because you were there for her during her loneliest years.

You knew how much you meant to her. You knew how much she loved you, and you took advantage of that.

Ellie's innocence and purity was something that intrigued you. You truly thought she was odd. No matter how old the two of you were, you always saw her as four eyes.

Nothing more than that. There was no romantic feelings from your side.

Ellie was everything you weren't.

She was sweet, kind, loveable.

But you were sick. A sick twisted individual who took advantage, of someone like Ellie.

But who could blame you?

Ellie was attractive, strong, financially stable, and well you were someone who saw the opportunity.

So it was actually Ellies fault.

She should've not trusted you so easily. She should've not let you in. Ellie brought this upon herself.

With his ultraviolence

Ultraviolence

Ultraviolence

Ultraviolence

I can hear sirens, sirens

He hit me and it felt like a kiss

I can hear violins, violins

Give me all of that ultraviolence

you didn't know when it all started.

You weren't sure when you developed this "kink".

Was this a disease? Or were you just fucking weird?

In 11th grade you remember your teaching yelling at you for failing a another test. You were called "pathetic", a "failure".

Most people would cry due to humiliation, but you couldn't help but feel your thighs clench together.

You thought you were weird. This was fucking sick honestly.

You went out of your way to make people mad, so that they would yell at you. To degrade you to an extent.

god you loved it.

Ellie had asked you to be her girlfriend when the two of you were 18. You took pity on her.

She was so soft. So naïve.

Ellie had no place being with someone like you. Someone who craves to be hurt. You were a painslut and Ellie, poor Ellie wasn't. She wouldn't be able to do that to you.

You were trapped in a relationship, where it was healthy. It felt safe. You enjoyed it sometimes, but there was one thing your heart craved. And maybe the thing Ellie was holding back was it.

You wanted to leave Ellie, until that one night.

The two of you were at a party, and Ellie was drunk out of her mind. You don't even know what she saw, or who said what but she was really fucking mad.

"You're fucking cheating on me bitch" Ellie slurred as she pointed her finger at you. You licked your lips at the insult, at the aggression, she spoke.

Focus.

"Ellie you're drunk, i didn't do anything"

"give me your phone"

"Ellie-"

"I'm not asking again" she yelled.

Fuck yes. This is what you want.

You handed her the phone, and you watched as she searched and she found nothing. She threw your phone across the room, you flinched slightly.

god she's so hot.

Ellie got up and grabbed your arm, bringing you close to her face, you smelt the alcohol in her breath.

She looked at you with dark eyes, before uttering "Don't ever think of cheating on me" she let go of your arm.

She grabbed you and it felt like a kiss.

When Ellie woke up the next morning, she couldn't remember a thing.

She was back to being herself. You wanted her back. You needed her again.

You realized, she was drunk. You couldn't keep her under the influence forever, just because you liked that version of her.

After that night you knew she was hiding a part of herself from you.

Drunk words are sober thoughts they say.

So maybe deep down she was actually toxic. Maybe she was the person you craved.

All you had to do was to figure out, how to get through to her.

He used to call me poison

Like I was poison ivy

I could've died right then

'Cause he was right beside me

Jim raised me up

He hurt me but it felt like true love

Jim taught me that

Loving him was never enough

you were like poison.

Destroying anything in your path. Infecting those with your poison.

After that night you realized Ellie's biggest insecurity was that you would leave her. And you used it to your advantage.

Of course you had to, how else would've you got what you wanted?

You would flirt with other people in front of her. You would talk to other girls, send them pictures. You did whatever it took. You were practically cheating on her.

You knew she would never leave you.

And you watched as Ellie slowly disintegrate into madness.

There was no more happy, go lucky Ellie. There was no more smiles. No more care free days.

Ellie lived in fear. You were out of her league. She knew she was going to lose you.

If you were by her side and Ellie could die peacefully. You taught her how to love and how to be a better person.

If you left what would become of her?

Everything went down hill. Ellie started taking your phone. She became more aggressive with her words.

The lovely girl you once knew was gone. You killed the old her. And the person she was becoming was someone you've always dreamed of.

You had a curfew, and when you came home late it would end in her insulting you.

"Who else are you fucking huh? You're practically showing the world your whole body"

you lived a life of fights, make up sex, and jealousy.

You loved every fucking second of it.

She was hurting you and it felt like true love.

I love you the first time

I love you the last time

Yo soy la princesa, comprende mis white lines

'Cause I'm your jazz singer

And you're my cult leader

I love you forever

I love you forever

Ellie loved you, and you loved her.

You love her today, tomorrow and for the rest of your lives.

Ellie became the women you would choose in every lifetime.

Ellie was your leader. The person you would finally follow.

You love Ellie. You'd love her for eternity.

It was truly a sickining thing, you were doing to the poor girl, but God you were selfish. You wanted it all. All the insults, pain, negativity. You craved it.

For the sake of this relationship, you hoped Ellie stayed as toxic as she did.

#ellie williams #ellie tlou #ellie the last of us #ellie tlou x reader #ellie tlou2 x reader #ellie williams blurb #ellie williams drabble #ellie williams fanfic #ellie williams fanfiction #ellie williams imagine #ellie x reader #dark elli william #ellie miller #dark! ellie williams #ellie tlou2 #ellie williams angst #ellie williams fan fic #ellie williams fic #ellie williams one shot #ellie williams oneshot #ellie williams promlt #ellie williams the last of us #ellie williams tlou #ellie williams tlou2 #ellie williams x fem reader #ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams x y/n #ellie williams x you #ellie x fem reader

[elficially-done-with-life]

SFW Alphabet - Aredhel

Pairing: Aredhel x fem!reader

Warnings: mentions of past abuse and Eöl

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Aredhel is slow when it comes to affections. At least when it comes to romantic affection. If it's a pat on the shoulder or an arm around your shoulder, she's relatively quick about it.

Gentle and tender touches are slow because of her bad experiences in this direction. But if she feels safe with you, then she loves being close to you.

When you are hunting together and your feet are sore from all the running, she likes to pick you up and carry you.

Sometimes you don't expect anything and then all of a sudden she hugs you and tells you how happy she is to have you and that she just couldn't hold herself back when she saw you standing there all alone.

B = Best Friend (How would they be like as an best friend?)

She would be a really good best friend, but in the beginning she would be more of a person you can joke around with. She would only have in-depth conversations once she knows you better and knows that she can trust you. However, as she has a relatively good knowledge of people by now, this shouldn't take too long.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

As soon as Aredhel trusts you enough, she loves to cuddle. She has only ever known the harsher side of a relationship and is therefore happy to learn that with you it is actually different. There is nothing more beautiful for her than lying in your arms under the open sky and looking at the stars. She just really likes this softer side of love.

D = Domenstic (Would they want to settle down?)

She is a person who cannot stay in one place ALL of the time. However, she would like to stay close to her family as she has been away from them long enough, so you would have a dwelling close to her family to stay in. Nevertheless, you would sometimes travel together for several weeks to see more of Valinor.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

She would be very honest and upfront about this, but would be careful not to hurt your feelings too much.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quickly would they want to get married?)

Aredhel wouldn't get into a relationship if she wasn't serious about it, which is why she's sure she loves you and you'll stay together for a long time if you've been together for a while. So there would be no one else for her.

As for getting married, she would be rather slow because she has had some bad experiences with that and would therefore be very cautious, even if she trusted you.

You would probably have to wait until she is ready and asks you to marry her herself.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both emotionally and physically?)

Aredhel would be very gentle. Especially emotionally, as she wouldn't want to hurt you under any circumstances, as she knows what that feels like.

Her touches would always be gentle at first, and with time would get a little bolder but she would always be careful not to hurt you.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

As soon as she is comfortable with you, she hugs you almost constantly, at least thrice a day. Her hugs are warm and make you feel safe.

She also likes it when you hug her or ask her for a hug, as it makes her feel taken care of and shows her that you love her.

I = I love you (How fast would they say the L-Word?)

With Aredhel, it would take quite a while before she would be ready to say "I love you." because it's something that feels very final to her, and she'd rather take things slowly. This doesn't mean that she doesn't like you, but that she's not ready to tell you. Instead, she brings you things (stones, flowers...) from hunting trips to show you that she loves you without being able to say it out loud.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they're jealous?)

Aredhel wouldn't be very jealous. She would only enter into a romantic relationship with someone if she really trusted that person, so she trusts you.

If it did come to that, she would talk to you about it instead of doing anything about it behind your back.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Aredhel's kisses are usually gentle, but can quickly become passionate and deep once you reach that part of your relationship.

She likes it when you go all over her body with warm and gentle kisses as she appreciates soft touches. She also thinks it's nice to know that you like her body a lot.

She loves kissing your cheeks because it's quick and she can tell you how much she likes you with that quick little touch. (If you blush, even better)

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

She is good with children, after all she raised her own son. If you look after relatives' children, she will tell them about adventures you have had on your travels or show them special finds from the forest.

M = Mornings (How are mornings spend with them?)

Aredhel usually gets up early, but doesn't get out of bed without giving you a kiss on the forehead, cheek or bare shoulder.

If she does stay in bed longer, she likes it very much if you simply lie next to each other in the warmth of the other's body and look lovingly into one another's eyes while you stroke each your hair and arms and exchange a few gentle kisses.

N = Night (How are nights spend with them?)

In the evening, Aredhel likes to cuddle until you fall asleep. However, she prefers it when she is the big spoon or lying on top of you, because then she doesn't feel cramped or caged in, which can sometimes lead to unpleasant memories.

She once in a while has nightmares, but wakes up from them very quietly, which is why you don't usually wake up from them. It takes her a while to get comfortable enough to wake you up, but when she does, she will seek you out after a nightmare. She usually lays her head on your lap while you massage her scalp. Then she either talks about her nightmare while you listen attentively, or she asks you to tell a joke or sing a song to distract her.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Only later in your relationship would Aredhel open up to you. There are a few little things you already know beforehand. For example, that she has already been married once, because it is important to her that you get to know her son and that you understand each other before you can dive deeper into your relationship. However, you don't know all the circumstances and it's still a bit difficult for Aredhel to talk about everything.

But once she has started, it is as if a great weight has been lifted from her, especially when she realises that you take her worries and feelings seriously and don't see her in a different light because of her previous experiences. So she quickly starts to reveal more about herself.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Because she is a good hunter and has raised a child, her patience is practically unlimited.

However, if someone doesn't take her or your feelings seriously, a few angry words may well leave her mouth. However, she will say them calmly and threateningly rather than loudly.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

She wouldn't remember every little detail, but if something was important to you, she would try to remember it.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

She loves the little moments like the first time you went hunting together in the forest and she had to teach you all sorts of things.

Also when she asked you to marry her or when you and Maeglin threw her a small surprise party with a cute cake that looked nice but was not necessarily edible, because you talked so much that you forgot to add sugar, are moments she will never forget.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Aredhel likes to pretend she's protecting you, but she once confessed to you that she also likes it when you protect her. Even if it's just from little things. When you argue with someone on her behalf, it makes Aredhel feel wonderful.

But she also protects you. And if you sren't already capable to do it yet, she'll be happy to teach you how to use a bow and arrow so that you can protect yourself in a fight too.

T = Try (How much efford would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Aredhel pretends to forget anniversaries, only to surprise you at the last minute with a small gift and a loving kiss.

She is good with everyday tasks but you have decided to divide them fairly among yourselves.

Dates tend to be simple and spontaneous, but no less romantic.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habit of them?)

Sometimes when something bothers Aredhel about your relationship, she doesn't say it, she just swallows it because she's afraid you'll leave her at the first sign that she's too complicated. It took a while, and some help from Turgon, Fingolfin and Anairë, for you to be able to recognise when she was feeling this way.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

If you're going to a feast or celebration, she'll be interested in looking nice, but most of the time she doesn't care.

She usually wears her hair simple and practical and there are often mud or grass stains on her clothes.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Since Aredhel doesn't like the idea of being so dependent on a person that you can no longer live without them, she would be able to manage without you. However, she doesn't like to think about it because she loves having you in her life and wouldn't trade you for anything.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them?)

Aredhel likes to sing quietly to herself when she is tidying up or going for a walk. She always has to be so quiet when hunting and therefore likes to fill her everyday life with a little more noise.

It takes her a while to do this in front of you though, as this is a very personal part of herself and Eöl didn't particularly liked it when she did this.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn't like, either in general or in a partner?)

She doesn't like it when you lie to her, (unless it's for a good reason, like when you lie to her about a surprise for her) because then she feels a little less like she can trust you and trust is important to Aredhel.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

Usually snuggles up to you while you sleep and buries her face in your hair, your shoulder or your chest.

When you once asked her about this, she said that it was probably because your scent makes her feel safe.

#aredhel x reader #aredhel #aredhel x fem!reader #tolkien x reader #x reader #elves x reader #silmarillion x reader #fluff #sfw #sfw alphabet #silmarillion #irisse #irissë x reader #irissë #nolofinwëans x reader #nolofinwëans

[respondedinkind]

~ Character Info Sheet (MAIN VERSE)

name: Khan Noonien Singh

name meaning: Khan, which is more popular as a surname, is a Turkish boy's name meaning "prince". Khan is a shorter form of Khagan, and was originally a historic title given to military chiefs and rulers. Noonien is of Chinese origin and means "gifted one", though it's unclear whether this is accurate or not. Singh is derived from the Sanskrit word सिंह (IAST: siṃha) meaning "lion", and is used in the sense "hero" or "eminent person".

alias/es: John Harrison, created and given to him by Admiral Marcus as a smokescreen to hide his true identity.

ethnicity: Confidential information

one picture you like best of your chara:

three h/cs you've never told anyone:

During his time under Marcus' command, Khan was not only forced to create powerful weapons and design an entire warship fitting to Marcus' demands, but he was also forced to go through mental as well as physical abuse. Marcus used his crew to control him, threatened Khan to take their lives if he were to disobey; Two of his people died this way, leaving Khan devastated and broken.

Khan is, in fact, not human - this information is confidental, however, and the few papers existing from the time he was risen are locked up somewhere in the archives. Marcus knows, however, with him being of high rank - which is precisely why he wanted to keep and use Khan for his purposes.

During his time as a ruler in between 1992 and 1996, Khan maintained a close relationship to a selected few of his following (mostly males, with a few rare exceptions) - the mentioned relationship included connections of sexual kind, but didn't really turn into romantic love-interests. They all enjoyed each other's company together, as a group, on more than just one occasion.

three things your character likes doing in their free time:

Reading. He enjoys a lot of different genres, prefers the feel of real paper between his fingers, but will also use whatever electronic device is offered to him to entertain himself.

Stargazing. It reminds him of his childhood, back when he'd been risen in the twentieth century; The stars have always fascinated him, perhaps it has to do with his origins.

Cooking. He rarely gets the chance to do so, but Khan enjoys the logical but also creative approach of creating dishes - he's a big fan of the asian as well as indian cuisine.

eight people your character likes / loves: His crew, obviously. Seventy-two people, still within their cryotubes; He would do anything for them, as he knows they would do anything for him in return. He considers them his family, his friends, people he holds most dear.

Besides them, he doesn't keep any close connections at the current time. While residing under Marcus' command, he didn't really care about anyone else, only had the occasional chat with others working at Section 31, but nothing of significant nature.

The rest is entirely thread-dependent; Khan is about to connect to @darehearts, he also feels very close to @sxbaist (in every single Verse) and, besides that, is starting to connect tentatively to a few other muses. (Also very verse-dependent; In his MCU verses he's getting relatively close to @bloodstainedstar and is already deeply in love with @mehrere-musen - in one alien verse he is friends with @noblehcart and in another alien verse he is also deeply in love with @ssolessurvivor)

two things your character regrets:

Having put his people into the torpedoes he'd designed. Back when he'd done it, there hadn't been any other way available for him to try and smuggle them into safety - yet, with how the events unfolded in the end, part of him regrets that he's executed his own plan and, sadly, got discovered in the process, forcing him to leave them behind while escaping alone.

Having put himself as well as his crew into cryotubes to begin with. Back when all of them had been forced into exile, he'd planned for them to sleep a few years while their ship drifted through space, far away from earth, so as to allow them all to resume their lives at another point. That his own cryotube malfunctioned, didn't wake him up within the estimated timespan, he obviously didn't account for; Ten of his friends lost their lives because of that, and, in the end, Marcus found them over two hundred years after the Eugenic Wars had happened, resulting in the whole desaster that followed.

Phobias fears your character has:

The fear of losing someone he loves, either plantonic or romantic. Because of what he's gone through while being held hostage by Marcus, made to witness the death of two of his people caused by the Admiral's hands, Khan ever since experiences the overwhelming fear of being unable to keep someone safe and, therefore, lose them forever. Whoever gets close to him, he intents to protect, and he might become a bit overly protective because of his mentioned fear.

A mild 'fear' of doctors / scientists. It manifests less in actual fear but more in varying stages of discomfort; Because of what he went through as a child as well as under Marcus' command, he's not too fond of being handled by either of them.

tagged by: no one tagging: @bloodstainedstar because I don't think you did this yet. :)

#headcanon #(since the last time i filled this out is VERY alien verse specific... i decided to do it for my main verse too!) #(so here it is. NEW Khan character sheet heh) #(♥) #(i hope you guys dont mind me having tagged you)

[griots-tales]

Having a shitty valentines day. Just left an abuser and am a now single lesbian. Honestly just wish Ramonda would be able to make my valentines day amazing with like a super romantic date and stuff

Well she could in an AU... I don't know you so I could get some stuff wrong, but I'll try <3

You wiped your tears for the last time today, leaving your office after an extended shift you took just to take your mind off them. The Wakandan Outreach Center was more silent now that the night had fallen. The front desk lady noticed your red eyes and kindly offered you a whole red velvet muffin.

"Don't worry, I've had enough..." She grinned and reassured you as you smiled in return and thanked her. It smelled great, so you stuffed it into your mouth as you walked out of the glass entrance.

But you regretted that almost instantly when you ran into her: Queen Ramonda stood casually on the sidewalk in regular clothes, but still looking regal as ever.

You choked on the cake as you tried to chew it down quickly, prompting her to come and slap your back, making you spit out the whole thing onto the asphalt. You blushed furiously in embarrassment, but Ramonda only chuckled softly.

"I'll get you another, dear... are you okay?"

"Y-Yeah..." You sighed "I just wasn't expecting you to... be here..."

"Do you have other plans this evening?"

"Wh- uh no! not at all, in fact-" You paused, wiping your chin. "I did, but I'm just- done with them. Today was horrible." You blurted it out. You didn't know why, but she always made you feels safe enough to do so.

She nodded in understanding. "Why don't you tell me about it, (Y/N)? And get some cake?"

As soon as you nodded, a shiny black Lexus appeared around the bend of the road and stopped in front of the entrance. You could see the perfectly curved silhouette of the driver's bald head.

You had known the Queen personally for about a month now, as you had been selected to oversee the personal logistics of her visits in your country. She was much more beautiful to look at up close, and an even more beautiful and strong person. The two of you grew close by either chance or fate, but either way, she was starting to become more than an acquaintance.

Whatever luxury you could have been used to in your life before this, it did not compare to what you saw in that car. But far more than the leather seats and the holographic displays, you savored the company of your long term crush, the Queen of Wakanda.

"Well, what happened?" She inquired, stepping out of the car at a famous local elite bakery. You picked a table as you started explaining to her how you had been abused by your partner and had just found the courage to leave them. You were much better off without them, but the breakup had certainly affected you and Valentine's Day, which was important to you, was ruined this year.

Your cake arrived by the time you finished your story.

"Oh, my.... Thank you, your high-"

Ramonda cut you a glance.

"I mean, Ramonda..." You smiled.

"To a better life ahead." She smiled back and raised a slice of red velvet cake from the platter like a drink.

"Cheers!" you giggled and dug into the sweet juicy depths of it. She noticed the Queen's eyes lingering a little on you before she dug in too.

"So yeah, " You concluded. "I wish people weren't such shit."

Ramonda nodded. "Partners can be disappointing sometimes, but you deserve better."

"You've had an experience?"

"Yes..." She raised her eyebrows as she reminisced. " While I appreciate him for changing his behavior for me and our kids... my husband did horrible things. When we got into a relationship, he cheated with what felt like every woman in Wakanda with me after he promised to never do it. And for years I let him hurt me. I thought he grew as a person later, but he was still abusive to his brother's side of the family and hid it from me because he was scared of me."

"How does someone feel like cheating on you?" you ask in genuine bewilderment.

Ramonda chuckled. " I don't know, but in some ways it helped me get over his death."

You smiled and nodded. "I'm sorry, though... that couldn't have been easy..."

She reached out and held your hand. "It wasn't. That's why I wanna make sure you're okay..."

You wrapped your fingers around hers. "But... why do you care so much? Not in a bad way, but I don't know many world leaders who take event managers to bakeries on like, Valentine's Day..."

You said the last two words very softly and avoided Ramonda's eyes. Her fingers were warm in yours as you could no longer deny it. Smooth ass Queen took you out on a date without you even realizing it.

"You're not just any event manager to me, (Y/N) Inhliziyo yami ishaya kancane mangizwa izwi lakho."

You had no idea what she just said despite learning Xhosa, because you couldn't even remember you own name...but it sounded like a honeycomb being parted.

In seconds she had you melting in your place, fiddling with the candy hearts that came with the cake. You shyly glanced at her through your lashes as she smirked at you. You noticed how she had put her hair in ringlets, just the way you had suggested when you had met her a few weeks earlier.

Your heart was beating faster and faster as she lifted the hand she was holding and softly kissed it on your knuckles.

"Happy Valentines...(Y/N)"

#valentines day #Ramonda #ramonda x reader #requests #griots-tales

[saintrocklee]

Hiii can I have ❛ do you think i’d let anything happen to you? ❜ with kakuzu pls 🙆🏻‍♀️

💰 kakuzu x reader 💰 supernatural (ish) AU part one | part two | part three warnings: again, nothing crazy. mentions of an abusive relationship, kakuzu being a creep and cranky and kinda mean but that’s why we like him.

this is part two of my kakuzu prompt series. i recommend reading part one (linked above) before indulging.

you'd expected something to change, after making the deal with kakuzu. something to feel different, to alter in your life - but nothing happens. there were warnings, about how dealing with demons could affect you - make you feel heavier. darker. but nothing happens.

except for what he promised.

the threatening messages from your ex stop immediately. you are no longer followed, your phone isn't blown up by strange unsaved numbers, your bank account goes untouched. it happens in an instant - you wake the next morning, the dread of what you'll find suffocating you, but when you finally leave your bed and check your cell - there's nothing.

it takes you a few months, to get used to the quiet. the nightmares are ever present, the paranoia sticks to you like a brand - but days turns into weeks into months and there's ... nothing.

the relief that hits you one day is blinding.

you move, finally saving up enough to cross state lines and end up in a studio apartment; cheap and old but yours. you find a job and you start out quiet, the urge to make friends and build relationships buried under the age old habit of avoiding people - but after time you make a friend. and then two. and soon, you have a social life.

a job, an apartment, and friends. it's hard - to juggle it all. you've never had so much before; you've never had to deal with bills, deal with talking to people, and balancing out everything. you make mistakes and get frustrated and cry and get angry - but there's never any punishment that comes with it. you're free to do what you please, make mistakes, and while that alone is confusing - when have you ever been able to do what you want? - it's exhilarating.

you think about kakuzu every day.

your monster. your savior. your ... something.

you tried googling him, funnily enough. he wasn't a demon - not the kind you had spent months preparing for. "human hearts" and "magic thread" quickly took over your search history, but you always came up blank.

you had no idea what he was, or why he dealt in hearts - not souls.

and then one night you're wine drunk, scrolling on your busted up laptop, snorting to yourself while an old episode of the office plays in the background.

"you're probably laughing at me, huh?"

silence meets you, save for the sound of your tv, but it doesn't bother you. he never talked back when you spoke to him in strange moments like these. he probably never heard you, no doubt hanging out wherever he lived ... far away from you. from earth, even.

was he a god? you’d never been religious but unexplained things happened all of the time and you always believed in the supernatural. spirits and the like. strange legends always fascinated you but in all of your research you couldn’t find a single piece of information that matched your devil. your monster.

who now had claim on your heart.

you’re certain it’s not romantic - so he must need it for something. to eat, maybe? he needed consent for it, had to wait for you to sign the dotted line … maybe he drew power from it. a monster who needed human hearts to live.

there had to be some irony there.

you fall asleep after awhile, head cocked awkwardly against your couch, empty wine bottle on your coffee table. your laptop is on the floor, next to an empty bowl of popcorn - and your tv plays on, filling your living room with sound. you couldn't fall asleep to silence anymore, silence invited trouble and cast a sense of dread around you, and the wine in your system lulls you into a deep sleep. you're dead to the world, chest rising and falling peacefully, when kakuzu appears, eyes trailing over your form. he takes in the alcohol, the junk food, and curls his lip.

idiot girl, he thinks to himself. you thought him to be long gone, no doubt just waiting for you to die so he could collect what was his and discard the rest of you.

humans were truly ignorant.

you belonged to him, now. you wouldn’t be rid of him so easily. taking care of his half of the contract had been easy - and now he was tied to you, until you expired. you gave him access to Earth, to roam amongst the humans - and he’d gotten bored of all of it immediately.

he was minutely amused, that you desperately tried to find out what he was. there were no books about him, no mention of him in history. he hadn’t been to Earth in centuries and he never interacted with mortals.

the exceptions to his rule beat a steady rhythm in his chest, his five hearts once again syncing up to beat in time with yours. five hearts, five humans, five contracts.

and now, six.

he’d never admit it, but he’s excited by you.

hearts were a powerful thing, in more ways than one. souls were flashy, and gave their controller power, but only in short bursts. souls were only useful in quantity, and kakuzu had no need for fleeting power.

but a heart? a human heart, given away with consent? more powerful, more useful than a thousand souls.

he was agitated though. he thought you would expire quickly, like the humans before you, but Earth had changed and now he finds himself waiting.

he found, to his dismay, that humans lived longer now. no more rampant plague and disease to wipe you out, and you lived in a relatively safe area, no threat of war looming over you. he was certain you’d have a good chance of living until you were old and wrinkling.

it’s annoying, how he has to wait for you to die naturally.

kakuzu watches you sleep, unable to block out the beating of your heart. it’s an enchanting tempo - the way it calls to him. his own hearts mix with yours easily and he finds himself standing there, longer than he meant to, just letting the rhythm lull him into a trance.

his eyes dance across your chest, your neck, landing on your pulse point - watching it beat steadily. he feels his threads pull towards you, and straightens - the sudden need to leave gripping him violently. he turns, casting one last glance behind him, before disappearing.

life goes on and two years later you find yourself ... content. not happy per say, the rampant paranoia and anxiety still crippled you at times - coupled with your PTSD. you’d found a therapist though, a lovely woman who was helping you build confidence and create coping mechanisms. you had friends, just a couple, and you were promoted - now earning more money than you ever had. it’s not a lot, but it’s still all yours, and you’re ... content.

you think about your monster everyday.

he didn’t consume your thoughts anymore, but his name would flit across your memory and you’d be thrown back to that night in the woods. you also talked to him daily, when you were alone. it was cathartic, it made him feel real, and you were positive your words fell on deaf ears.

until one day they didn’t.

you were on your balcony, watering your plants - your boombox on low as you mouthed along to some song on the radio. being surrounded by so much green had you thinking of kakuzu and his eyes and you smile to yourself.

“i wonder - will it be you that kills me or do you have to wait until i’m dead, to come collect my heart.” you murmur out loud. it had been a question on your mind for the better part of a week now. you wished you had some clarity, that night in the woods, to ask these questions.

“i will come just as you draw your last breath, girl.”

you spin, nearly knocking over the plants you were caring for, inhaling a gasp to scream. it lodges itself in your throat, and you shudder a panicked breath when you see him, standing inside of your apartment, just on the other side of your open sliding door.

he looked the exact same, tall and huge, and it’s funny - he barely fits in your living room. his eyes, so bright and green, track your movements - landing to watch your chest as it stutters. his voice was still so low, so dark, and you blink in surprise.

“what are you -” you start, and swallow when his gaze reaches to meet yours, agitation clearly resting on his shoulders.

“you asked.” he drawled, and realization hits you.

“you ... you heard me?” you ask, and kakuzu grunts.

“every damn day, girl. you and your incessant questions.”

oh.

there’s a lick of embarrassment at your heels but you straighten your spine.

“i didn’t know.” you reply and he says nothing in return, gaze fixed on you unblinkingly. it’s silent between the two of you before you feel the urge to speak again, unable to handle the crackling energy in the air.

“can i ... ask more questions?”

again, you receive nothing. it’s starting to get uncomfortable, but you realize that this might be his way of accepting you. he was ... something - a god a devil a demon - he could leave, if he wanted. he could silence you, if he wanted.

so you sit in the small metal chair on your balcony, and you ask your questions. he rewards you with shortly worded answers that have you fighting a smile.

“how old are you?” “old.”

“where do you live?” “elsewhere.”

“why human hearts?” “i enjoy them.”

“how can you hear me?” “i hear many things.”

“do you make deals with humans a lot?” “i do not make deals.”

“fine. contracts.” “no.”

“why me, then?”

he pauses at this and you straighten in your seat, nerves suddenly tingling. he’d avoided giving you any real answers, replying back easily, but this question stumped him. you think you might get something tangible out of him but then -

“maybe next time, girl.”

and with that - he was gone. you blink at the empty space in front of you and smile.

next time.

a few weeks later you find yourself walking back from the small market around the corner - mindlessly scrolling through your phone. some of your friends from work wanted to get together when they got off and you were thinking about going. you wait for the crosswalk sign to turn green and start to cross the street, head bowing to look at your phone again - when suddenly you hear screaming.

you look up and see a woman pointing at you, screaming for you to move, and then you see it - out of the corner of your eye. a car, clearly out of control, was careening toward you -

and you freeze.

the headlights are almost blinding and you tense your body, ready for the impact, when something thin and strong wraps around your waist and tugs - ripping you from your position and carelessly throwing you onto the sidewalk. the car crashes into a pole and you can see the driver was knocked out, or dead, causing the car to spin out of control. people start to run over, and you open your mouth to say something - when you feel the same chord around your waist, tugging at you impatiently.

you look down and see thread. long, black thread.

you blink in shock.

“get up.” a voice snaps behind you, lodging itself at the base of your spine and making you stand clumsily. you try to turn, to confirm what you’re hearing with your eyes, but you’re pulled back - this time by an arm. it’s large and heavy and you let yourself be manhandled, still in shock. you’re walked backwards into an alley and find yourself pushed against brick - kakuzu looming over you. your hands are pressed into his chest awkwardly and you can feel your heartbeat pulsing frantically in your ears, making you dizzy.

“how did you -” you try but you’re cut off when he pushes his face closer to yours. he’s still covered, so you only have his eyes to look at - and the intense way he’s regarding you has your tummy twisting with knots.

he was angry.

“stupid little girl.” he snarls and you blink.

“i don’t -”

“you could have been killed.”

your brain stops and you inhale sharply.

“isn’t that the goal?” you whisper back, body trembling from the adrenaline, and kakuzu makes an inhuman noise that sends shivers down your spine. you’re still oddly not afraid of him - just confused. and once again, grateful. he’d saved your life ... for some reason.

“i will not have you damaged.” he growls, and you finally notice that he’s got his arms on either side of your head, trapping you against the wall. they’re uncovered and huge, muscles bulging around you - and you see stitches - holding his flesh together. the threads, you realize - the same ones that had pulled you from the street.

what was he?

“i didn’t know it mattered.” you respond and there’s another growl. this one you feel under your palms, from where your hands meet his chest. he’s covered in that cloak of his and you can tell it’s thick but - you can feel something, just underneath it. your gaze travels down, as you watch your hands twitch against him.

“idiot girl, you belong to me. do you think i’d let anything happen to you?”

the breath that leaves you is sharp, painful, and you flex your hands at his tone. there - you felt it again. you push harder into his cloak, emboldened by his words and the fact that he pulled you from the street. you would have been killed and he’d have your heart and it would all be over ... but it wasn’t.

thump.

you freeze and your head snaps up - meeting his cool gaze.

thump.

“you have a heart.” you whisper, and he pushes off the wall, away from you. you sag against the brick, the rough edges cutting into your skin and grounding you. he stares down at you for a moment before speaking, making your knees weak.

“i possess five.”

your mouth parts, wanting to ask more questions, but you’re silenced when thick thread comes to press against your mouth. it’s strong, resting in the middle of your lips and pressing down, silencing you completely.

“you will do well to remember this, girl. your death will come when it is time, not a moment before. and when that moment comes, i will be there to collect what is owed to me. until then - you will remain untouched.”

you blink, mind turning. you didn’t remember any of this in the contract, there was no mention of him saving you or preserving you, but you can’t argue. the thread against your mouth is unrelenting and you freeze when you feel another strand, curling around your neck. it was loose, soft, and rested against your pulse point.

you both stood in silence until you nodded, and something flashed across kakuzu’s eyes. he pulls his thread back and you inhale a breath, wanting to know more, but he was gone in an instant - leaving you alone and shaking - his words on a repeated loop in your brain.

#oooof this was kinda hard #kakuzu x reader #kakuzu x you #kakuzu prompts #only one more part to go whaaat?! #he’s so grouchy lmaoooo we love you grumpy old man!!

[mlobsters]

one person's messy relationship to asexuality, relationships, sex and fandom

i saw a post the other day talking about how whenever the topic of asexual folks not having sex comes up, people will chime in that ace people can/do have sex sometimes too and that's okay! and basically how it adds nothing/takes away from the conversation. which, i mean, both things are true.

there's so much deep misunderstanding of what being asexual is and means. take myself, an ace person, i had no clue what being asexual meant until the past handful of years. at my big age of 40+. i'd seen some posts by cody daigle-orians, ace dad advice (tiktok, they have a book out now too and another on the way! i am ace), and things started churning in my mind. i read some simple definitions in a healthline article and it's like a lightbulb went off.

What Does It Mean to be Asexual - Healthline

Libido. Also known as your “sex drive,” libido involves wanting to have sex and experience sexual pleasure and sexual release. For some people, it might feel a little like wanting to scratch an itch.

Sexual desire. This refers to the desire to have sex, whether it’s for pleasure, a personal connection, conception, or something else.

Sexual attraction. This involves finding someone sexually appealing and wanting to have sex with them.

i realized i'd never experienced sexual attraction, and in fact had a complete misunderstanding of what sexual attraction even was. i was conflating my libido and sexual desire with attraction. similar to being agender and having aphantasia, i think it can be difficult to conceptualize something you've never experienced. whenever you hear people talking about things, you're trying to fit it within the framework of what you experience and how you understand the world works, to realize they are experiencing the world in a fundamentally different way you didn't know existed. it might seem absurd but i remember being around women talking about how they were looking forward to a movie because it meant some dude's ass would be out. and inside my head i was just like, really?? ....huh. (i said it was absurd.)

sex has been a large source of conflict and stress in the past 20 years of my life. so i guess this is that story.

i don't know how old i was, but some time in my early teens, i figured out women's bodies were what turned my crank. i had romantic crushes on boys at school, but thinking about girls got me going. but no one specific, never anyone specific. to this day, never anyone specific. this would be an important detail i didn't connect until much later. so i knew i was bi from early on, but it was the 90s and being out just wasn't really happening in school where i lived. i got into a serious, and abusive, relationship with a boy when i was 17 and that lasted 11 years. i was interested in sex, i had a lot of sex with him at the beginning. over time, i didn't want to have sex anymore.

i've always been conflict avoidant, and being with someone who picked a fight with me nearly every day for years made it so much worse. i didn't feel like i could say no. i looked forward to my period because then i had an excuse to not have sex. i briefly was in therapy, never mentioned the abuse or a whole host of other things but i did tell the therapist about not wanting to have sex with my then-spouse. she told me "use it or lose it", that the less sex i had, the less i'd want it. so have more sex and you'll want it again. that poisonous bit of advice stuck with me a long time. i didn't believe it, but i didn't not-believe it either. i didn't stay with that therapist more than the whatever number of allotted weeks insurance would pay for. years later, i asked for a divorce and left that relationship.

i got into other relationships, and sex again was that shortcut to intimacy/attention/affection and it was good. but then at some point, again, i didn't want to have sex. i was married, i had kids. i seriously thought it was part of my responsibilities of being married. like, spousal obligation. i knew when it had been too long and i needed to step up. go search on the internet "don't want to have sex with spouse" and basically the vast majority of advice will say sex is essential to the relationship and sometimes you have to compromise.

but i didn't want to, and i hated having to. why is it that i always have to compromise in a way where i'm losing bodily autonomy? my body is mine except once a week because i have to do this for the better of the relationship? this obviously was a big source of stress for me, and my partner could tell things weren't right. i avoided physical affection because i didn't want it to be confused with interest in sex.

i've spent a long time feeling guilty about not knowing i was ace. that i got into relationships and then flipped the script when i didn't want to have sex anymore. like i'd inadvertently done a bait and switch. i've been trying to pick apart what changed, why it changed, etc for years. ultimately, sex was a shortcut to affection and undivided attention. and if my libido and desire for sex was lining up, it worked. until it didn't. maybe six months before i was really sure, my spouse asked if i was ace. i thought i was somewhere in the spectrum maybe but i didn't know. and then things clicked and i got it. i was honest with the fact that i didn't want to have sex, i hadn't wanted to have sex for years, and as far as i could tell i could be fine with never having sex again. i didn't want to be "fixed", i didn't want therapy, or hormone checks to see if there was something "wrong" with me. i still have a moderate libido, i just don't want sex with someone else. i still struggle with some guilt over that last bit.

there was some inner turmoil over whether it was the years of baggage, of having sex that was vaguely consensual but also clearly unwanted, if that's what "caused" my loss of interest in sex. that the inability to say what i wanted from the abuse trickled down to other relationships. maybe if i'd figured out what was happening in my 20s, i'd be less rigid about no sex when i understood i could say no. i slowly came to accept that it didn't matter. what matters is where i am now.

all that said, let me wrap up a bit with how this all intersects with media and fandom. sex scenes, especially with my faves, in visual media often weirds me out (not always, and it's not terribly clear to me when it does or doesn't, but also not sure it matters.) and there again, there's been a trend of less sex scenes in movies etc, and i don't think that's a good thing either. just because it sometimes makes me very uncomfortable, i don't think they shouldn't exist. i just often don't want to see it. but i can skip it or look the other way or whatever. that is my problem, not everyone else's who does want to see it.

and nowadays the only time i feel much turmoil is within fandom spaces. being horny on main for your faves is normal and expected and i don't begrudge anyone that. especially with how puritanical some fan spaces have become and the nonsensical moralizing over shipping. i'm a wincest shipper, i read plenty of pearl clutching fic on the daily. but there's some internal weirdness for me seeing people being horny on main about their faves. please go ahead, but i don't want to see it. but i absolutely also do not want to unfollow people because of it, but it's also not something i can filter on.

so i try to get a feeling of the type of posts people might be getting up in their horny feelings in the tags and i scroll past without reading. people being horny for their faves and writing some explicit fic about it, sign me up. it's a step removed from anyone i know and i can just sort of, live vicariously through the characters experiencing things i don't experience. but there's something very different in my mind when it's a person talking about it on tumblr or twitter or whatever. it doesn't make sense and i get irritated with myself over it pretty regularly, and it adds to feelings of isolation.

i already have a lot of unpopular opinions about my current fixation, just add this to the pile of things i am alone in feeling. which is terribly dramatic and ridiculous, but it is what it is. and my anxiety+social anxiety+depression make this whole cocktail more potent. i'm always trying to find a way to let these things roll off my back. it's a work in progress.

so i think the point of this all is that it's hard talking about asexuality in general terms because the spectrum of feelings and experiences and relationships to intimacy is vast. and as asexual people, we're often combating some very base level misunderstandings from the public at large - that being ace isn't about not being interested in sex. it may involve that, but it's not what the literal definition is. so this is just one person's very messy relationship to asexuality.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#asexuality #personal #fandom #not sure how long this post will stay up but sometimes i just need to get the words out and exposed to the cold light of day

[tetsunabouquet]

Basic Instinct Chapter 11

A/N: This chapter will basically be just a few fluff drabble scenes leading up to the Vorpal Swords vs Jabberwock game. Slight warnings of the reader struggling with self-esteem because of the abuse at home. Masterpost

Akashi had decided to pick you up that monday. He decided he'd go as obvious with the two of you being a thing as possible. He wanted to showcase you and your relationship to the whole wide world. Like an excited puppy, he did not even mind being drive in front of the school gates by his driver. He wanted to make an entrance. You were leaning against him, enjoying his scent. "Do you wear cologne?" "I do," He wasn't going to tell you he started wearing it as he fell in love with you, hoping you'd notice it someday. You smiled up at him, "it's really nice." You breathed him in, much to his enjoyment. He grinned, and as the driver opened the door, he slid out of the car gracefully, holding his hand out to you. With a small blush, you took it and the two of you walked equally red cheeked but proud onto the school grounds. Not everyone seemed to notice, it wasn't like a movie were everyone was looking at you like a deer in the headlights. But some people did, including the Uncrowned Generals who were waiting for their captain. Kotaro was whilsting and Nebuya belted out a, "WOOH, GOOD FOR YOU". Reo flinched slightly at the loud noise, but he smiled softly at the two of you. "I am happy you got the girl, Sei-Chan. Please be patient with him, Y/n-Chan." You giggled. "Sure I will. I am certain I can endure his attitude forever." "What is that supposed to mean?" Akashi mused, not too offended and you grinned at him. "You know what it means, Mister Absolute." He chuckled, squeezing your hand as his face softened. You squeezed right back, feeling absolutely warm and happy.

It was the day before Valentine's Day, and having dated Akashi for two weeks, you obviously wanted to give him some chocolate. Reo was thankfully there to help you as the two of you mused over designs. "I really want to do it right this time! My shogi muffins totally looked awful." You said, hating on your own hard work, per usual. Just thinking about it, you wanted to cringe and question yourself how you ever dared to present them to Akashi. Reo looked at you stern yet somewhat softened by care as he said, "I am certain they weren't that awful, and you never get anywhere without practise. Shall we begin with your first ever Valentine chocolate?" "Sure, let's practise! I am certain you can teach me, Reo-nee!" He chuckled lightly, as he grabbed all the ingredients needed for the heart shaped bon bons you liked from the designs. "I am happy Sei-Chan found such a wonderful girlfriend. You've been taking good care of him ever since the two of you started hanging out and frankly he needs it." "I know, he was always so devoted to everything but himself, it hurt to watch." Reo's smile grew, "and that is why I'm happy. He deserves a girlfriend who cares as much as you do. Just like a sweet young lady such as yourself deserves a true gentleman." You giggled in response. "You're a good friend, you know that right?" "Of course I do."

It was the day of the sakura festival, and Akashi had invited you to go with him. You had to admit, it was indeed absolutely beautiful and romantic, the blossoms were vibrant and mesmerizing. The weather was lovely too, the sun wasn't too bright, the temperature perfect and a soft breeze that was just right flowing some blossom petals through the air. The two of you were strolling through the park, your arm linked through his own. "I hope we stay together and can behold this pretty sight year after year with you in my arms." Akashi said, his gaze locking itself on you. You giggled, kissing him on the cheek. "Me too. You look even more handsome today. It's as if the pretty scenery is elevating your looks." You teased lightly, even though you did totally want to take a picture of him and the blossoms. It was a sight to never forget. Akashi chuckled as he plucked a pink petal out of your hair. "Funny, I was just thinking something similar. Pure beauty, all around me as well as at my side." You continued to giggle, as the two of you continued forward, trying to find a spot in the park. As Akashi found one, he spread a sheet across the grass, and the two of you sat. Snacks were consumned, laughter was shared and you had fallen asleep sitting against him, the warm sun, the comfortable sheet and your boyfriend's comforting presence making you too drowsy to stay awake. It truly was a perfect day, as far as Akashi was concerned whilst he was continueing to play with your hair. He wouldn't change a thing, not now, or ever.

#basic instinct #knb #kuroko's basketball #akashi x reader #knb akashi #akashi seijuro #akashi #akashi seijuurou x reader #reo mibuchi #sakura festival #valentine's day chocolates #going public

[maya-matlin]

Obviously Naley is one of the best TV ships of all time, maybe even THE best, so I'm challenging you to name a few things you don't love or would change about the way their ship was written! For me a big one is their S2 plot and her music storylines in general- I'm all for conflict but I thought Haley, who values personal relationships so much more than 'celebrity', was pretty out of character through S2. I also ---pet peeve alert - HATE how all the main OTH characters are not only athletes and cheerleaders but soooo gifted creatively! Lucas becomes a semi-famous novelist, Peyton becomes the producer of her own record company in addition to being a gifted artist, Brooke has her own fabulously successful fashion line which she started back in high school, and we then get Julian who's a successful film director and Alex Dupree who's a B-list movie star. Nathan isn't creatively gifted but is of course not just a great athlete but good enough to be in the .0001% who gets to the NBA. And they all still live in this small North Carolina town lol...I mean, I don't expect the show to be strictly realistic, but come on! More than even one of those things happening strains credulity. So I loved that Haley was presented as the ONE character who was so relatable and into academics and down to earth and all that, but the show then suddenly decides after S1 purely because the actress likes to sing that Haley is not just a decent singer but good enough to immediately go on TOUR?! What?!?! It's an aspect of the show that annoys the hell out of me. I loved Haley as a teacher for a variety of reasons and think it's the perfect career choice for her and will always resent that they had to also make her a star singer lol. 3. I'll still never quite get why Naley had to marry a few months into their relationship when they were just juniors in high school and there was no pregnancy. 4. So I like Nathan a lot overall, but there's no denying that he was a HORRIBLE, borderline emotionally abusive boyfriend to Peyton (as you've pointed out, he left her stranded on a dark and deserted road, was super cruel to her, and was all set to let her suffer legal consequences for a car accident HE caused lol) and I just don't love the "but the RIGHT girl can immediately tame and save the bad boy" trope. So I love that Naley brought out the best in each other, of course, but I just wish the change in Nathan hadn't been quite so abrupt! OK, thanks for listening to be vent!

Hmm. The thing about parts of Naley's season 2 arc is that personally, I think Nathan and Haley were mostly in character during everything leading up to Haley leaving for the tour. In my opinion, it's a pretty realistic depiction of what happens when you get married as teenagers following a short relationship before you've been able to become independent people. The circumstances were pretty unrealistic. In real life, a small town girl probably wouldn't end up going on tour a couple of months into performing live for the first time in her life. Haley's career wouldn't have taken off nearly as fast without Chris there to vouch for her talents and bringing The Wreckers to Tree Hill. But if we ignore all of that, the reality is that Haley spent her entire life afraid to take chances. Falling in love with and marrying Nathan allowed Haley to be more impulsive and to become a braver person. Nathan, in contrast, needed Haley's stability and good influence. While he was the same age at her and hadn't been allowed to live independently away from his toxic and abusive parents for long, he had more romantic and sexual relationship experience prior to Haley and was looking to slow down rather than jumping into new things. So for Nathan, giving up something like High Flyers was less of a big deal at the time than Haley choosing not to go with Chris to New York. Nathan had grown up with a life of privilege, receiving the best money could buy as far as getting ahead as an athlete. Plus by the end of season 1 and first half of season 2, you could assume that Nathan was beginning to associate basketball with Dan and kind of happy to stop defining himself as Nathan the basketball guy. In the long run had Haley never gone on tour but Nathan also not gone to High Flyers, I think it's possible Nathan himself would have began to feel stifled and grown resentful of putting his dreams on hold solely to be a husband. Anyways. I think Haley liked having something all her own independent of Nathan, and the Chris factor and her lack of experience with men prior to Nathan put her in a messy situation. There are multiple episodes where the subtext is that Haley on some level regrets rushing into marriage or has doubts about it (201, 205, 210, 217). I think it's completely understandable for Haley to feel that way. As much as I love them and consider them one of all my time favorite couples, they weren't ready to be married. Nathan and Haley had to learn to be better partners to each other and as the seasons went by, they became more successful. But during season 2, everything was new and more uncertain. So rather than being honest with Nathan about the kiss with Chris and her perspective re: putting her dreams on hold, Haley panicked and kind of internalized everything out of fear of what it all meant or the ramifications of what she'd done.

In regards to your thoughts about Haley craving fame, I don't know that it was really about the fame part as much as it was Haley wanting to pursue music and getting professional validation and fulfillment from performing and having people like her music. Haley says she loved every night of performing and she seemed to be excited about appearing on television, but I wouldn't say it meant much more than that. However, Haley's POV is very vague and confusing following 213. She's only ever shown either in brief phone conversations or when Nathan and Lucas visited her on tour. During 217 in particular, Haley is poorly written. Not because her thoughts and feelings aren't valid, but because the words coming out of her mouth are a piece of forced writing meant to ensure that Nathan and Haley remain separated and that Nathan essentially gives up on their marriage. Haley is not given the chance to explain herself. So as a result, Haley appears selfish and like she cares more about being a rockstar than Nathan's feelings. That's exactly what the writers wanted at the time. The story of Naley's separation and Haley's time on the tour was NEVER about Haley. It was all about Nathan's pain, depression, and his fight through the pain of losing the love of his life. Haley's role on the show was minimized to the point of her becoming a villain for having ambitions and for making mistakes the same as the other characters. It got a little better when Lucas visited Haley because Lucas was close enough to Haley that he truly wanted to understand and was willing to hear her out. So, we got the official explanation that Haley stopped wearing her wedding band because she no longer felt she deserved to wear it. The moment she presumably removes her wedding ring would have been prior to her televised interview. Yet, Haley keeps her ring finger covered up. She compromises herself by denying the marriage while also kind of upholding it? She still refers to herself as Haley James Scott and doesn't officially flaunt the fact she isn't wearing her ring, but she allows Chris to lie about their relationship. I feel like I've completely lost the plot here, but what I mean to say is that I don't take issue with most of Haley's writing in season 2. I simply think she was written by people completely uninterested in her perspective and her journey compared to Nathan's and REALLY lost out on the lack of consistent writing and POV during episodes 214-223.

What would I change about their writing? Well, obviously a lot of season 2 LOL. I think we should have seen Haley's time on the tour. We should have seen her becoming confident and thriving in the spotlight all the while missing Nathan and being heartbroken over what she's been forced to give up in the name of chasing her dreams. It's implied Haley and Chris were good friends during this time. It would have been nice to see the shift from Chris kind of aggressively coming on to Haley to Haley making it clear nothing was ever going to happen between them, and Chris accepting this enough to become Haley's confidant. Beyond that, I would have given Haley more of a backbone during season 3. I think she stood her ground when absolutely necessary, but Nathan also kind of held all the cards for a lot of season 3. His attitude about her Halloween costume for instance was bullshit. He also should have put his damn wedding band back on before they officially became engaged again because they'd been sleeping together for months and were literally living together by that point. What was I supposed to take from that other than Haley hadn't yet earned it? In season 4, I would have liked Nathan and Haley to have gotten an equal focus during her pregnancy. Season 5, I think more should have come out of their separation story line. I loved the episode where they reunited, but it also kind of seemed a little too easy for Nathan. I obviously don't blame him for the majority of what went down with Carrie or her predatory behavior, but the fact he was watching her swim naked was SO sketchy. There were multiple moments throughout the series where the possibility of Nathan cheating on Haley came up and it was always horribly executed. Whether he went through with it or not, it was annoying for Haley to constantly have these physical threats. Like, Haley was beautiful and sexy as hell, and Mark Schwahn was a demon. I also don't feel like Haley doubting Nathan re: Renee in season 7 was needed. That felt like a retread of season 5. Thankfully, it didn't last very long. Otherwise, I honestly don't have any complaints. More often than not, their relationship was well written.

I completely agree that it was unrealistic for all of the main five to basically become superstars. That took some realism away from the show and made the later, adult seasons harder to enjoy because like.. we're watching Nathan and Haley in their big house where a professional football player seriously shows up at their son's birthday party. While the show overall felt grounded for the entirety of the series, those moments detracted from the series as a whole. That being said, I LOVE rockstar Haley, so we'll have to disagree there. It's not that I don't enjoy her as a teacher or someone interested in helping others learn. It's just that teaching was never Haley's dream. It was something she was good at, but it never fulfilled her the same way being a musician did. On that note, it annoys me that the writers felt the need to make Haley smaller to make Nathan look/feel bigger. By season 7, Haley once again was a musician full time. But when Nathan retired from the NBA to become a sports agent, Haley took over Karen's Cafe rather than continuing to perform. Just to be clear, there's nothing wrong with any of these professions. They're not inherently "lesser". It's just that it was written that while being in the NBA was Nathan's dream, Haley's dream was being a singer. Ultimately, I don't think Haley was ever supposed to be super successful even at the height of her career. The potential was there during season 2 and obviously she toured again in season 7, but I never got the impression she ever achieved the same kind of fame that Nathan and Brooke did.

Yeah, I'm of two minds about that. Part of me is like, "Yessss! Naley forever!" When I was watching season 2 for the first time when I was around 12, their teen marriage was couple goals to me. Nathan and Haley are a rare case of two people that settled down young and still managed to live happily ever after. But on the other hand, we see how much of a mistake it was to rush into marriage. When Nathan proposed, he told Haley she was the only true thing he had. He put SO much stock into that marriage. I genuinely think part of the reason he proposed at all was the fear of losing her after that porn fight. Had Haley not wanted to explicitly wait until marriage for sex, I doubt the thought would have occurred to him. Haley let herself get swept away by the romance of young, first love and was a wife before she'd even experienced anything. From a story line standpoint, I love it. But speaking as someone twice their age at the time of the marriage, there were so many reasons why they should have waited.

I don't think I was the one to point that out, but I 100% agree with those points! I always forget how bad Nathan was during the first few episodes of season 1 because he'd grown tremendously by 122. But jesus christ, he was the boyfriend from hell. It really came across like half the time, Nathan used Peyton as a sex toy. He learned a lot of horrible, toxic messages from a young age and was on the path to becoming Dan Scott when Haley came into his life. You're correct that that particular trope is oftentimes really gross and overdone in fiction. Thankfully, I actually think OTH is one of the few shows to get it right. Peyton is never blamed for Nathan's bad behavior or viewed as "lesser" than Haley for being unable to fix Nathan. Their relationship was toxic and they couldn't have been more wrong for each other. Both Nathan and Peyton always stressed how awful their relationship was, and Nathan is thankfully quick to own up to his bad behavior during their relationship. But, you make a good point. Nathan's turnaround from emotionally abusive asshole boyfriend to sweet and patient boyfriend to Haley happened very quickly. Really, everything with Naley in season 1 was pretty rushed and could have used a few more episodes. The pacing is way off. They spent so much time building up to their first "I love you" only to have them married three episodes later. I think the key to Nathan's shift is that originally, I believe the Nathan/Peyton/Lucas triangle was supposed to go on longer. Since that ended up being replaced by the infamous Brooke/Lucas/Peyton triangle, that freed Nathan up to get together with Haley sooner.

You're welcome! I apologize for the length of my answer!

#Anonymous #Long post #Also this is fun because I never get to go in depth about my Naley/Haley/Nathan thoughts or even OTH that much

[askyourwritergrandma]

hi grandma! i've been wanting to write a short story/novella with an unreliable narrator and a somewhat unhealthy relationship. i want the narrator/protagonist to be codependent and obsessed with the love interest, but don't want it to be outright toxic and abusive. i want the reader to still root for the relationship. do you have any advice on how to toe the line? how can i make the relationship intense and even a little deranged while having the reader's support?

Hi anon!

This is a really interesting premise. I think you've chosen the perfect set up for toeing that line between rooting for something and recognizing that it's unhealthy.

As far as how do you show the relationship in a way that makes it seem like something you would want to root for? I would lean really hard into your unreliable narrative. Obsessive infatuation like this is genuinely all consuming and generally involves the obsessive person having an idea that everything the object of their infatuation does is secretly meant for them. (I mean not always, but generally.)

Take your narrator and use their knowledge of the Object Of Affection (OOA) to show that they love OOA. So instead of being like 'and I watched her nightly' make it something like, 'I have always loved the way she washes her face, the care she takes to wipe off her make up, the way her skin cleanser smells on her skin.'

By taking basically every observation and every interaction and making it romantic and loving, you're creating the environment where people will be like oh wow i wish I had that. I want them to be together and happy.

And then to break through that, very rarely, especially if OOA does something that breaks the illusion, have the tone completely change. So say OOA says another friend is the one that's always there for them and they really just missed them since they moved (or something). Narrator would interpret that really coldly. Maybe something like: "Her so-called friend had never been anything but a nag on her time. Always calling in the evenings, dragging OOA out after dark to filthy clubs. Friend was conniving, always making sure there was alcohol around, forcing OOA into decisions that were bad for her. It was better Friend moved; better the problem resolved itself before I had to intervene."

Your narrator never actually hurts your OOA/Love Interest but there's an undercurrent that they absolutely would hurt anyone that interferes with their connection/relationship.

I hope that helps!

[magicalgirlagency]

Since you've explained why you don't ship KyoSaya, I think you should explain why you don't like MadoHomu as well, to even the odds.

For better context, here's the old ask where I explain why I don't ship KyouSaya.

My pet peeve with MadoHomu is that 99% of the fandom isn't creeped out by it, specially after The Rebellion Story. There's a huge lack of nuance, and it's worrisome IMO.

Like, a majority of people have this black-and-white view of gay people; they think that by being a marginalized minority, any sort of morally reprehensible behaviour that they display is justified. Many people have this romanticized view of gay people in media, and sees them as pure, innocent and sinless saints that cannot do anything wrong, and if they do wrong, it's because the others had it coming and have only themsleves to blame.

And it's not just gay people; any other minority has been flanderized by the media at some point in their lives.

It's basically the same issue that I have with RosePearl (Steven Universe) and Catradora (She-Ra and the Princesses of Power).

May I remind you that these two are MASTER AND SLAVE, and I think I don't need to explain how fucked up this is.

Dude, there's a whole entire blog that documents Catra's abusive behavior towards Adora, and that alone should say something: @anti-catradora-receipts

These ships are all kinds of manipulative and abusive, but both the fandom and the staff don't see it; everything is shamelessly romanticized and seen as beautiful, like a "Love Conquers All" kinda thing. And in Madoka Magica, this is no exception.

Homura has rewritten the universe just so she could be with Madoka, and she actively manipulates everyone's memories just so her personal utopia can remain intact.

"But, wait!", I hear you all cry, "Mami, Nagisa, Kyouko and Sayaka can all live normal lives and be happy, and Kyuubey is paying for their crimes! Isn't that great? Shouldn't we be happy for them?"

Yes and no. Yes, because we get to see Kyuubey suffer; Incubator abuse is always welcome on this here blog. No, because Homura thinks of the other girls (minus Madoka, of course) as afterthoughts as heavily implied in her confront with Sayaka: "All I took was a tiny piece of it [The Law of Cycles]. Just the records of the person that Madoka was before she ceased to exist. Somehow, all of you wound up being pulled in as well. And it seems you can't return to wherever you were before."

And after that, she messes with Sayaka's memories a bit more, so she can't do anything about it, and says this: "We should pretend to be friendly in daily life. If you're confrontational all the time, even she [Madoka] may dislike you."

And speaking of Madoka, it's weird how she is titular character of the original series, and yet no one considers how she feels about Homura's decision. And if you want my honest opinion, I don't think she actually asked for any of this, as she has tried to alert Homura: "Homura-chan, don't! You'll rip me apart!"

To be honest, I don't think Homura sees Madoka as an equal, which it should be the standard for any relationship, romantic and/or otherwise. She created this whole fantasy where Madoka is the weak and helpless damsel in distress that constantly needs protection and saving.

There are even hints of uneasiness and hesitance in Madoka's voice in the second new world, specially when Homura asks her if she considers order important: "Well, I... um... I-I do treasure it. I guess I do think it's kind of bad to break rules becuase you feel like it."

If Madoka REALLY wanted to become mortal again, she wouldn't be so hesitant about it. I mean, she didn't hesitated when she wished for Witch metamorphosis to be erradicated (even though I strongly disapprove of the original ending).

And before I forget, the scenes of Homura's descent into madness had to be redone a second time, because Chiwa Saito's first takes were bordeline yandere. Coincidence? I think not.

"But how can you say it's all romanticized? The whole scene was indeed portrayed to be unsettling!", that is correct, however, the magazine scans and posters see no trouble with the ship:

Why does Madoka seems so helpless? And why does Homura looks so perverse? And why are these two 14yos so heavily sexualized in these? And why is no one freaked out by this?!

And also, I detect a teeny-tiny bit of queerbait in this ship, because during the NitroPlus Q&A panel in Animanga 2013, when Gen Urobuchi was asked if Homura was in love with Madoka, his answer was: "Probably." Noralities' video essay on Magical Girls and queerness touches upon this discrepancy under the Queerbaiting section.

The Rebellion Story had one job, and one job only: To provide fanservice, to please that other half of the audience that thought the original fates of the heroines were cruel and unfair, only for the plot-twist in the end to trample on it. Hell, MadoMagi wasn't supposed to have a third movie; Magia Quartet only came up with it just so SHAFT could keep on milking the cow.

Here's the thing, if you want to see gay relationships being more represented in media, you got to understand that they can be just as messy and complicated as straight relationships are, and they must be acknowledged with the seriousness and urgency that they deserve. Not every relationship is going to be a healthy one.

You know what I want to see in the fourth movie? I want to see Madoka be ANGRY at Homura, I want to see the Cinnamon Roll LASH OUT and TAKE NO PRISONERS. I want to see Homura being called out and her selfishness and I want to see them FIGHT. If this is the path we're taking, then fucking take it seriously, don't sugarcoat that shit.

But Urobuchi is returning for this movie as its writer, so it's best to not create expectations for it. When Urobutcher is at work, we all lose!

(It makes me wonder, though... are there any fanfics where Madoka and Homura fight? Because I'm really interested in reading some of them, since I don't have any high hopes for the movie...)

And last, but not least: Before anyone says that I hate Homura, I just wanna say that this is a lie. I don't hate her, I hate how the stans constantly claim that she hasn't done anything wrong. She DID. She did everything wrong, and then some!

Being gay and/or traumatized is NOT an excuse to do whatever you like. Consequences exist, and anyone, reguardless of origin, orientation/identity, moral alignment and etc., CAN, WILL and SHOULD face them.

We all have suffered and grieved at some point in our lives, and Little Miss "Existence Known As "Evil"" ain’t special. We don't call it a "Karmic Destiny" for nothing.

You're free to like villainous characters, just don't go coddling them like babies, as they are fully capable and aware of their cruelty, and will keep on testing how far they'll go.

Have some nuance. Please, that's all I ask.

[transarsonist]

I don't think I'm forever turned off to polyamory, or loving someone who's poly. I just was majorly hurt by someone I really relied on and trusted at the time. And everytime I really think about it or talk about it I start sobbing, like right now. I know there are people who can be polyamorous and have a main partner, and be open and honest and fully committed to the things that partner wants, but I've only ever been betrayed and never had my needs honored in a poly relationship, and haven't had anyone new to show me that it CAN be healthy and okay, so it just brings up a lot of emotions.

I just want to be a main partner to someone. I just want to be someone's home, someone's person to have kids with, someone's foundation. Because in all healthy relationships each partner has other outside relationships. In monogamy it's friends. And I know that outside relationships are so so so important to a base romantic and sexual relationships, and because of that I'm trying with my therapist, with my friends, all the time, to make that a less emotionally triggering thing for me.

Brains are weird. Emotional trauma is weird. And it fucking sucks when horrible emotional situations get in the way of being able to have functional and healthy relationships, and I'm fighting every day to yes, sob over my emotions, and then settle and try to feel safe.

I just want to feel safe. From what I know of you, from what we've talked about, from how I see you approach sexual and romantic relationships, I'm starting to trust that you'd be open to having that open conversation with me to help me feel safe.

Life is growth. Growth hurts. No wonder children cry over this bullshit.

-🍷🐱

i really really understand where you're coming from with that, ive only had 2 monogamous relationships in my life, and in both of them my trust was abused and betrayed, so i can relate Really strongly in the opposite direction. my last one ended in some pretty heavy psychological abuse where my triggers were relentlessly pushed as punishment, and having no one to turn to, trying to turn to Their friends only made them more angry.

if you wanted to be my Corazon, my Home, your needs would always come first, and if that means sometimes i have to put every other relationship on hold to be there for you then that is what i will do. ive done it before and it was only when things became Terrible that it hurt me.

im not completely turned off by the idea of monogamy either, if i have plenty of friends and a kind and attentive lover, and one who trusts that whether or not i flirt with others, they're the only one i want to spend my life with and that id never betray that? i would be satisfied, that would be enough for me.

thank you for being so vulnerable in this ask, it really helps me trust that, if/when something grows between us i can feel secure in the idea that if something upsets you you would come to me and talk to me about it in a way that doesnt hurt us both.

im also glad you've given me this opportunity to have openly the kind of conversation that usually only ever happens behind closed doors, to show the world what healthy communication coming from a place of love and aiming towards a place of mutual understanding looks like.

i hope we can continue to grow together. i really like you and i would feel so honored if i earned your trust enough for you to remove your mask. i understand why you're wearing it and accept without reservation that its not coming off for maybe a long time, maybe ever. and thats ok. i accept what you can give right now, and it really does mean the World to me <3

i've said that exact same thing before. growth hurts, it hurts a LOT

#🐱 anon

[utilitycaster]

001: TAZ (Specifically interested TAZ Balance takes but if you wanna mix in Amnesty or the mini arcs between the two go for it!)

002: Percy/Vex (I'm sure you've talked about about them a ton, but as a bit of a new follower I'd love to hear your opinions) 003: Fig Faeth (or if you haven't seen Fantasy High, your pick of Dimension 20 characters)

below a cut simply bc this shall be long as fuck

TAZ Balance

Favorite character: Lucretia

Least Favorite character: none really;

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): I feel there were not really five ships in this but like, naturally, Lup/Barry and Taako/Kravitz were both a delight

Character I find most attractive: I mean, probably Magnus.

Character I would be best friends with: I want to hang out with Carey and Killian

An unpopular opinion: I think TAZ Balance is very good and I love the graphic novels and all that but I do still think that Amnesty was stronger and deserves more accolades.

Most Badass Character: Lup, this is not a question

Most Epic Villain: I guess John? The main antagonist is like,

Favourite Friendship: the Taco Twins

Character I most identify with: Lucretia, for better or for worse. I do not think I am a well-intentioned extremist irl but I think in a D&D story I could absolutely fall into that.

Character I wish I could be: Davenport but after his memory is restored and he's just a sea captain

Percy/Vex

When I started shipping them: hard to say in that I went into C1 knowing how the general ships shook out. I do remember loving their interaction when Percy first tells VM about the Briarwoods and Vex immediately is like "oh this is 100% our problem now too",

What makes me happy about them: everything. My ideal for fictional romances is truly "we are flawed in the same way, but through each other we can see how we are worthy of love despite that" so like, this is my fucking jam.

What makes me sad about them: not much, honestly! lifespan angst was made up by mediocre fanfic writers to sell more mediocre fanfic.

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: nothing specific to them; in general I am a very "he would not fucking say that" person when it comes to fanfic so getting the voices right is crucial, but that's always true for any ship.

Things I look for in fanfic: see above; get the voices right.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: I mean, they are perfect for each other and no other ships for either of them compare, but I would not be mad at Percy/Tary or Vex/Zahra.

My happily ever after for them: they've got it! Percy just wants to do weird science in a workshop while a competent partner does all the political work; Vex wants the security that power grants her after a childhood and young adulthood of profound instability and emotional abuse, and both want someone who loves even their more vengeful and complicated side, and that's what they're doing!

Fig Faeth

How I feel about this character: She is great. Love how Emily leaned into Angry Teen in a way that felt real and understandable.

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character: Ayda

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: I mean, all the bad kids, but Riz and Kristen are some of my favorites. Also her relationship with Gilear is wonderful.

My unpopular opinion about this character: None really?

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: Nothing specific other than "please give us a third season one day, please d20 cast, please"

Favorite friendship for this character: Probably Riz; Emily and Murph as players are hilarious in that they NEVER explore romantic chemistry despite being irl married, but their characters almost always end up really good friends.

#answered #Anonymous #long post #ask meme #cr tag

[fitgothgirl]

Three things ask:

What's your favorite thing about yourself?

What's the coolest adventure you've ever been on (can be literally anything big or small!)?

What's the most delicious meal you've ever eaten?

I’ve been told by a few different people that I have this "zest for life" - those exact words have been said at least twice, and in other words, even more times. I see what they mean and I like hearing that and knowing that it's noticeable. 😊 I'm just a romantic at heart even in hard times and love just thinking about existence and aging and the cycle of seasons, etc... (started getting witchy there haha). My own attitude often reminds me of the Lord Byron quote "The great art of life is sensation, to feel that we exist, even in pain." (is it overkill goth to quote Lord Byron? Lol)

Oof, coolest adventure is a hard one. Makes me smile to know that it's hard because I have lots of great adventures to choose from though. 🥰 I probably gotta land on my first Coachella. I know a lot of people roll their eyes at Coachella lol but I was 22 (2012) and had only just gotten out of a terribly mentally abusive relationship 5 months prior and was newly with my bf. It was such an amazing experience, including all the preparation and driving down in a caravan of new friends I met through my bf that are still friends to this day. I felt so free to be out in the world like that after basically being on lockdown the previous few years (and before that I was barely 18, so it was like my adulthood was really starting) and I was realizing all the things I could do with my life. The vibes of the festival were more chill back then too and less "instagram focused" lol (although not entirely), and it was just a lot of love and togetherness and just *chef's kiss*. I also specifically remember rushing through the fields in between artists when it was nighttime and my bf was leading me by the hand and suddenly he turned around just to say that he loved me and truly felt like we were going to be together for the rest of our lives, and he kissed me and it was a warm night with music bumping around us and lights and it was just a magical little moment that always stuck with me. 🥰 (and here we are 11 years later hehe) (and yes, there were... substances that were enjoyed while there too haha)

Honestly? The best meal I've had may have been a month and a half ago when I was in San Diego and we went to a really good steak house (Lou & Mickey's). I almost always go for filet mignon but I know it's not super flavorful compared to other cuts since it's so lean. So I went for a ribeye that also had mushrooms and onions on top, and I think almost all the others in my bf's family got ribeye too. We were all just floored... I even took pictures!:

Thanks for asking! 😁

#small text cuz i talk too much lol #asks