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oneweirdbookaddict · 7 months

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Whumptober day eighteen!

Wars gets taken by some people who are upset about the war.

2255 words

Warnings- Lots of talk about death, deserving to die, survivors guilt, injuries, flashbacks. Really really mild torture. (Like just slapping a few times.) Mentions of kids (a teenager) dying, war, battles. Let me know if there’s anything I should add to this list. Stay safe y’all!

~~~~

An itchy blindfold covers his eyes.

That’s the first thing he notices.

Then- wait, I’m tied to a chair and blindfolded. That’s a problem.

He’s got to have a concussion, considering his slow, stupid mind right now and the fact that he has no memory whatsoever of what happened.

Don’t draw attention to the fact that you’re awake… check if you still have the knife in your sleeve…

He mentally runs through his checklist, keeping his chin at his chest.

His arms are tied to the arms of the chair, ankles tied to the legs of the chair, and tied at the waist.

Carefully, he shifts his wrist and presses the trigger to his knife, carefully wiggling the blade into his grasp so he can cut at the binds-

He’s slapped across the face hard enough to make him see stars, someone tearing the knife from his hand.

“Good catch, almost lost him.” A voice chuckles.

“Don’t underestimate him.” A different voice says coldly.

The blindfold is yanked from his face.

He squints in the harsh, unexpected light, a headache pounding into the base of his skull immediately.

“Not so pretty now, is he?” The first voice, coming from a man with a long, filthy beard laughs softly.

“Enough.” The cold voice says, and that one comes from a woman in front of him.

A mask covers her face, so all he can see is brown eyes. Icy and glaring at him.

“Make your demands and let’s get this over with.” He mutters, sighing deeply.

“I have no demands you’ll be able to meet, Hero of Warriors.” The woman says, her ice cold voice even colder.

He leans back, chin tilting up. “I’m good at surprises. Let’s hear it.”

“Colyx Dullac.” The woman says, her icy voice shaking slightly.

The name slices through him like a knife, making him falter.

“Ah, you know him? I expected less, to be honest.”

“From the seventh artillery.” He says, the unwelcome memory slamming into him.

He’s in a tent, well into the night, and there’s a rustling at the entrance.

“Captain, Sir?”

He looks up from his map, meeting the eyes of a kid, a mere kid-

“What can I do for you?” He asks, pushing the thought away.

He doesn’t bother correcting the titles- it doesn’t matter.

“My name is Colyx, Captain, Sir. Colyx Dullac.”

When there's an awkward pause, he nods. “Nice to meet you, Sir Dullac.”

“Ah- well, see, Captain, Sir-”

“Link, Colyx.” He suggests gently. This kid… isn’t much younger than he is. Being called Captain has always made him uncomfortable.

The kid’s eyes widen, but nods. “Link, Captain, Sir, I was wondering if I could serve with you.”

He pauses. “I fail to understand. Serve with me?”

“Yes, Link, Captain, Sir! I’m currently stationed with the seventh artillery, but I was wondering if I could transfer and serve under your command.”

He can’t help but to frown. “The seventh artillery is in training.”

“Yes, Link, Captain, Sir, but we’re almost graduated, and I’m at the top of my class. With special permission… I’d be able to serve with you. I’m excellent with a sword, and a bow, and I-”

He holds up a hand, and Colyx stops immediately.

“I’ll look into your file, I’ll have someone get back to you shortly.” He promises.

The kid looks like he’d offered him a thousand rupees and the door to a different country- one not torn apart by war.

“Thank you Link, Captain, Sir!”

“Yeah.” He says, turning back to his map. Takes a slow breath, looking at where they have troops.

Mostly to himself, mutters, “Ganon’s forces outnumber us three to one here… avoid direct conflict if possible… we have an advantage here, but need more troops before trying an offensive… it’ll take at least a week for that to happen… in the meantime-”

“Keep your troops hidden while watching the enemy. Keep eyes on their movements, see if any of your soldiers can get an idea of their plans.” Colyx says, and he turns to the kid and raises an eyebrow.

“Go on.” He offers.

The kid hesitates, then- “We have an advantage here due to the landscape- they’re working against the hills, but we’re working with them. We can make an attack here. The town is over defended right now- we can evacuate and plan a huge offensive there or send troops to needed areas. To avoid needless casualties I’d suggest-”

The kid cuts off again, looking hesitantly at him.

He nods, smiling for the first time in days. “Suggest sending the troops out? Excellent… you’ve done your reading, haven’t you? You went to academy.”

“Yes, Sir.” Colyx says breathlessly.

He puts a hand on Colyx’s shoulder, offering a smile. “You start training with me tomorrow morning. Sunrise, be only a few minutes late.”

The look the kid gives him makes this whole damn war seem less shitty, the burning world seem less on fire.

There really is something good still- things he can do that aren’t killing people.

Two hours later, the kid is bleeding out in his arms.

“Keep your eyes on me, Soldier.” He orders, but his voice is shaking. He’s seen death before- too much of it- but this kid- this kid- something about it destroys him from the inside.

Colyx’s eyes flicker to him.

“Sir?”

“Colyx?”

“It’s going to be hard, Sir. But you’re going to make it. Don’t let them get you, Sir. Don’t let them win.”

And the kid is gone. Limp, eyes lifeless, chest still.

“I knew him.” He manages. “I remember.”

“My son fought in your pointless war. And he paid his price- his life. He thought you to be a hero- to be the savior of Hyrule as so many did. And he died.”

The woman’s voice trembles.

“He wasn’t seventeen, was he?” He whispers, eyes closing.

A small sob is his answer.

“I was fifteen when I enlisted. Looked older than I was, and I’d been on the streets my whole life… it was my way out.”

He’s punched across the face.

The man in the corner laughs. “Yeah! Hit him harder!”

The woman complies. He makes himself continue.

“Your son was like me. I saw myself in him. I offered to train him to be a captain the night he was killed.”

At that, the woman falters. Looks at him with teary eyes, hand pausing.

“He asked to serve under me and graduate early. I tested him a little bit, pretending like I was confused about a strategy to do… and he made a suggestion. A really good one. I offered to train him myself. Was walking him back to his quarters as the enemy ambushed us…”

His words falter, throat and eyes burning. But he makes himself swallow, takes a shaky breath.

“I held him as he died. He was brave until the end- even when I wasn’t. He’s much more of a hero than I am.”

The woman is crying now, hand still held over his face. “My boy… my brave little boy… he was always so brave… he wanted to enlist so badly, I thought he’d be safe… it was supposed to just be school, so I faked his age, signed his papers…”

The woman sobs, and he takes a shuddering breath.

“He’s dead because of me.” She bawls, knees hitting the ground.

“No,” he says quietly. “He’s dead because of Ganon. Because of the enemies that killed him. It wouldn’t have happened had Ganon not attacked. There’s no fault on you, nor anyone besides Ganon.”

Zelda’s words come back to him, her soft voice helping him through waves and waves of sickening guilt, panic, too many emotions to keep track of.

He’s crying, he’s screaming, he’s breaking anything he can get his hands on, that kids blood is still all over him-

“Link. Link, enough. Look at me, that is an order from your princess.”

He looks up at her, tears dripping down his face.

And she pulls him into a hug.

He completely breaks down, then, sobbing into her shoulder. He’s watched kids die, he’s sent kids to their death, he’s watched people die in much worse ways than Colyx, so why is this one hitting him so hard?

Because he could see himself in that kid. That confidence yet hesitation at the same time, the way he was a prodigy and didn’t know how to handle it, the way he wanted to do good.

Zelda’s arms hold him gently, shushing him softly, rubbing his back until he can’t cry anymore and she gets him to bed and stays with him until he falls asleep.

And they move on. They always move on. There’s no time in war- you move on or you die. Don’t let them get you, Colyx had told him. And he’d be damned if he does.

He pushes the painful thoughts away when they come, distracting himself with battles and troops and letters until he passes out at his desk.

Now he looks at Colyx’s mother, the same way Zelda must’ve looked at him when she’d found him on the floor.

“Tell me.” The woman whispers. “Tell me what happened.”

He takes a steadying breath, looking away. “Don’t.”

Then she’s angry again. “He’s my son. He was my son. I deserve an explanation- especially when the man who said he held him while he died is sitting right in front of me!”

The pain still stabs in his chest- old wounds he’d never really allowed to heal. “Don’t make me tell you.” He says weakly.

He doesn’t want to think about it, he’s already-

And he’s slapped across the face. “He is my son!” The woman screams, grabbing his shoulders and shaking him. “My son is dead! I want an explanation! That’s all I’ve wanted for two years!”

He tastes the metallic taste of blood in his mouth- she must’ve gotten his lip.

“It won’t make it hurt less. It’ll give you nightmares and flashbacks and you’ll hurt worse.” He tells her softly.

She’s crying again, tears on her face. “Please. Tell me what happened. It can’t be worse than what I’ve been imagining for two years.”

His heart hurts for this woman- the guilt that he walked away from the war when so many people didn’t.

So he takes a shuddering breath. “It wasn’t even on the battlefield. We were set up for the night, and he’d come to see me to ask about serving under me. Like I said earlier… I offered to train him as a captain myself. He was thrilled, wouldn’t stop thanking me. I offered to walk him back to his quarters… and we were on the edge of camp. Something flew by- a bomb, though we didn’t know that at the time. We both ducked, I grabbed his arm and yanked him away… then he tackled me. Took the full force of the blast, meaning… his hollow organs ruptured, he had third degree burns all over… and all I could do was hold him.” He manages.

Two years later, the memory still haunts him.

“He bled out in my arms. We weren’t even on the battlefield.” He chokes, a tear slipping down his face to his surprise. Two years… he supposes he never really let himself think about it.

They didn’t have time to grieve back then- there were battles going on, future battles to plan, soldiers to train and feed and instruct. After the war… well, he’d just shoved everything away.

He takes a shaking breath, looking at the woman.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m sorry I survived and Colyx didn’t. He should have. Not me. I never was supposed to survive.”

The woman sobs again, but takes his hand.

Slowly unties his wrist, then his other one, his legs, then his waist.

“I’m sorry.” She chokes, stepping away from him. “I never imagined… how hard it could've been for you, too. How hard… you didn’t deserve this. I’m sorry. It was his birthday yesterday… he would’ve been eighteen.” She sobs again, sinking to the floor.

He sits there for a moment, too stunned to speak, much less move. But then he slowly kneels next to the woman, Colyx’s mother, putting a hesitant hand on her shoulder.

“You’re not much older than him. I can tell.” She says shakily, wiping her eyes.

If he’d be eighteen, then no, he really isn’t.

“No,” he says quietly. “I’m not. I’d… love to learn more about him, if you’re willing to tell me.”

And it’s the truth- he wants to know the kid that died for him. The kid that looked up to him, had had one conversation with him before dying for him.

Colyx’s mother looks up at him, offering a weak smile.

If Colyx’s birthday is today… that means his is coming up soon, he realizes.

He’d read all of Colyx’s files, any work the military had put into this kid, the essays the kid wrote in school… he feels like he knows the kid pretty well. But there’s always more. There’s always more to do to learn about someone, to get to know more about a person.

“I… I think I’d like that.” She says softly, taking his hand when he offers and getting to her feet.

He has no idea where he is, he realizes stupidly. Glances around, but the woman touches his arm hesitantly. “This way,” she says quietly, leading the way out of the room.

~~~~

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shiny-procrastinates · 3 years

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(re)Watching Magia Record S1 - part 13

part 12 here

Hello and welcome everyone to the last post in this series. Most people probably would watch this ep right after the other one and there's much to be written, so let's skip the recap and get right to it.

Puella Magi Madoka Magica Side Story: Magia Record S1 episode 13

This show in a nutshell.

Really though, poor Iroha. She only came to this town to look for her sister and now she's learnt a cruel secret and is being urged to join a cult. Talk about someone who must have no idea what's going on anymore.

Back in reality, Yachiyo has finally caught up. She tries to stop Mifuyu from showing them the truth, but I'd say it's too late now. Also, Mifuyu's sure being a jerk today. You don't get to blame Yachiyo for letting them come when you're the one who made sure this would happen!

Yachiyo gets upset, and Mifuyu disappears. Iroha wakes up with Yachiyo cleaning her Soul Gem and Yachiyo says this but, nah Yachiyo, they'd have to learn this sooner or later and you don't seem like you'd ever tell them.

Iroha and Yachiyo start making their way out of Memory Museum. Tsuruno and the others were with Iroha when they went down but now they're nowhere to be found. Wait, does that mean we don't get to see their reactions to learning the truth? What a let down.

On this topic, Iroha's also pretty calm despite everything, which is probably part because realization hasn't settled in yet, part because she's occupied worrying about her team... but maybe also in part because Iroha has a wish she can’t regret, so she just doesn't care about the price as much as others. Doesn't she look like this kind of character? "I don't care what price I have to pay if that means I'll save them"-like.

Oh.

Hey Yachiyo 1: that was really outta nowhere; 2: that's not very nice of you, jumping ship just as things have hit rock-bottom. What the hell

Iroha, of course, is as shocked as we are (we are?). Sure Yachiyo had been acting strange since yesterday but this is a bit much. You can't just decide this on your own when 3/5 of the team is MiA

Iroha follows after Yachiyo, pressing her for an explanation, but Yachiyo refuses to give one.

Iroha's understandably upset at Yachiyo's attitude and asserts she refuses to leave Yachiyo's side if she won't give her a convincing reason to. And really, she has all the reasons to lose her cool here: one of her best friends is leading a cult, she's destined to a fate worse than death, half her team is missing and now the last one wants out for absolutely no discernible reason besides because she wants to. Even a saint has their limits.

Also, like, Mikazuki Team is like family to her, Yachiyo can't just decide to destroy her home with no explanation like this

Hearing what Iroha said, maybe Yachiyo realized she wouldn't get Iroha off her tail without saying anything, so she reveals her reason for wanting to disband the team. Yachiyo says that her wish was to survive. However, the way it worked was that she sacrificed others for her own survival. So she thinks Iroha and co. will die if they stay with her.

Even hearing this, Iroha's not convinced. Could such a wish really exist?

So yeah, Yachiyo was having a little crisis there and ended up being eaten by the Rumor(?). Thankfully, Iroha could still see her signal on the Soul Gem GPS, so the girl firms her determination to save her.

While Iroha's doing that, Yachiyo's having a lecture by herself to herself inside the Rumor. Quite the novel way to do introspection, if I do say so myself.

Here, we learn that Yachiyo originally wished to survive in the modelling world (we're never directly told that she's a model but there's lots of visual cues to it throughout the series). She did it because she thought she had to be a strong leader to protect her companions. She didn't want to survive at their expanse; so, uhhh...

She isn't then. Wishes in this series come true in the exact way the Magical Girl wants it to, so Yachiyo's wish can't be killing anyone if that's not what she wanted. She's misunderstanding.

...I wish they'd have put Kanae and Mel's last words in the actual scene they belong to rather than just a still, since they're literally one of the main reasons Yachiyo even reached the conclusion that their deaths were caused by her.

Iroha has learned "hold B to charge".

So, yeah, Iroha must've had a training arc off-screen because even though she's only been shown sucking at battles the whole series, she's now suddenly strong enough to defeat a Rumor on her own. Or maybe she just wanted to save her wife Yachiyo that much.

Iroha defeats the Rumor of Memory Museum (the place's an actual building, if a weird one, so that stays), hugs Yachiyo and is about to literally drag her by the hand to go search for the others, but Yachiyo's still reluctant. Iroha then tells her that Yachiyo and the others are the one who made her this strong, so she'll prove to her that her wish isn't what she thinks it is.

Don't jinx yourself, idiot! Thank god you've got protagonist plot armor.

Now, if only years of survivor's guilt could be cured this easily in real life too.

Yachiyo finally calls Iroha by her first name, accepting Iroha's promise.

The museum starts falling apart, probably thanks to the damage it received when Iroha was fighting the Rumor, so Iroha and Yachiyo have no choice but to leave the place now, even though they haven't found the others yet.

Iroha barely dodges some debris, stumbling, so Yachiyo carries her instead. Iroha's Soul Gem has been drained from fighting the Rumor, so she's having a hard time moving already. Doppels may be a thing, but there's no guarantee that they're safe, so Yachiyo's call of going to the Coordinator's to get a Grief Seed is probably correct.

As Iroha's situation worsens, Yachiyo follows Chibi Kyuubei until almost the entrance. Then, she meets with someone we know very well.

Mami says something about a gospel, and Yachiyo asserts that she and Iroha have no intention of joining the cult.

Which makes Mami snap. This girl is clearly not on her right mind. In fact, one could say she lost her head (ba-dum-tss).

Mami and Yachiyo start fighting, and I guess as expected of a veteran of 7 years, we have to commend Yachiyo here on meeting Mami's blows while carrying Iroha on her back. Yachiyo pleads with Mami to hear them out but Touka, the brat who was just watching the battle, tells Mami she doesn't have to, and Mami just keeps on her offensive.

Of course, there's only so much Yachiyo could do handicapped. But today is not the day Yachiyo's getting a bullet to her head, because

A certain someone who really likes impromptu hydrant smoke bombs is here.

Sayaka! Nice save, shining cape hero of justice! You have no idea who exactly you're calling weak tho

Seeing Sayaka, it looked like Mami had went back to normal for a moment, but nope, she's still borked. Like in all timelines where she learns it, seems like Mami didn't take the truth well here either. The difference is that she can't witch out in Kamihama so something happened instead.

Mami keeps monologuing, with Sayaka of course not understanding a single thing she's saying. Then, Mami starts to doppel out. The girl has seriously lost her mind and is now obsessed with salvation. (and man 10/10 on the VA’s voice acting here)

And here comes the bullet hell! This is so overkill Mami

Sayaka and Yachiyo do their best to deflect the rain of bullets, with Yachiyo turning back and trying to compete in number of spears. Jesus, just how big exactly is the amount of magic a veteran magical girl has? This is insane!

Yachiyo tries to send a stream of spears, who are deflected with one Tiro Finale, with another one headed their way right after

Sayaka blocks the Tiro Finale with her sword. The shot is so powerful one of her arms is torn off AND SHE ATTACHES IT BACK MID-AIR

holy-moly!

Hope this museum has insurance.

Sayaka just barely manages to reflect that bomb, which saves them from being blown to smithereens. Touka was having a nice tea time watching the spectacle, but then realizes she had something else to attend to so she exits, leaving the stage to Mami, who resumes her bullet hell.

Sayaka uses Yachiyo's spears as a platform to get closer and attempts to grab Mami, to no avail. She falls down and tries to take cover, but Mami's bullets are now homing bullets apparently, because they just change direction and start raining in her direction again.

Down below where Yachiyo's hiding, Iroha manages to wake back up, but she looks, like, on the verge of dying or something. Iroha tells Yachiyo they have to help Sayaka and Yachiyo rebukes there's no way they could win, to which Iroha subtly implies she wants to use her doppel, assuring Yachiyo it'll be okay and raising yet another flag.

Mami finally corners Sayaka, but before Sayaka can become blue Swiss cheese, Iroha comes in with her doppel to cover her. Very convenient that she suddenly knows how to control it.

Aaand Yachiyo can do that too, because of course she does, why wouldn't she. (/sarcasm)

But, uhhh, hers is considerably more creepy, what with the extra arms and stuff. Yikes.

Yachiyo says that doppels are dangerous, but one has to wonder when and how did she even learn about them. After all, she did seem surprised when Iroha did not turn into a witch in Seance Shrine.

While that's going on Touka's just out here deciding by herself that Mami would want to die for the sake of salvation. Just, uh, I don't think you can judge that when she's gone nuts, and you're a jerk if you put her in that scenario expecting her to die. Not that anyone had any doubts you're a jerk, mind you.

Also, what does she mean with Mami helping with developing Rumors?

"hey Kyuubei, I don't want to be meguka anymore, can I retire?"

Even using their doppels, Iroha and Yachiyo are not managing to make even a dent in Holy Mami. Iroha ends up getting bashed into a wall, the doppel taking over for real and her becoming a sitting duck for Mami, but Yachiyo yeets Mami before she can shoot. I'm sure this wasn't supposed to be funny but there's just something hilarious to me about Yachiyo just yeeting Holy Mami and her bouncing away.

Yachiyo transforms and shakes Iroha back to reality.

Again, why the heck do you know this, Yachiyo.

Iroha raises yet another flag for herself. What next? Are you going to say you want to marry her when you two go back?

Somewhere else, Touka arrives on her appointment: a speech for the cult. And oh my hell just look at how many magical girls there is! The amount of Black Feathers always blows me away, since the impression I got from og and even the spin offs is that, sure, there are some groups of magical girls around like the Holy Quintet and the Pleiades, but I still though it was more of a rare thing. It's shocking to see THIS many in the same place. (...I suppose the game needed the cannon fodder :x)

HEY what are these two doing here?!

Touka continues her speech over Iroha and Yachiyo's battle.

This cult leader here continues her discourse, preaching about how the power to wish for something is what advanced civilization, so magical girls, who have the power to make a wish reality, are better than normal humans, and so are deserving of being released from their fate.

OH NO, TSURUNO HAS GONE WEIRD TOO

*bonk*

There goes Holy Mami down the collapsing museum.

It's not like Touka's completely wrong (except for saying that magical girls are superior), but if it wasn't clear enough already, their actual actions makes her speech be full of hypocrisy.

Back at the crumbling Memory Museum, Iroha has managed to jinx herself so hard throughout this episode she pierced her own protagonist plot armor. Great job!

Try as she might, Yachiyo just cannot pull her back up, which also makes no sense when you consider how strong magical girls are, but alas.

And to make things worse, Mami is also pulling a literal "you're going down with me", so Iroha, making a split second decision, pulls her hand away from Yachiyo's grasp, lest both of them fall and get buried... breaking the one promise she made probably not even a hour ago.

I think that last thing she said was "sorry", but don't quote me on that.

What a loyal Mokyu. Never mind that if they can turn into water they probably can't die from this.

Yachiyo's about to follow her fate too, but thankfully Sayaka comes in for the save, only giving a brief glance to where Mami disappeared before getting the heck out of there.

Well, people promise lots of things, Yachiyo.

OH I KNOW YOU, what was your name again? It's been so long I forgot.

Back at the The Wings of the Magius' HQ, Touka's done with her speech. The way the anime cuts from Yachiyo falling to the depths of despair to the cult clapping is just *chef's kiss*

Oh no Felicia and Sana also joined the cult :(

EXCUSE ME, WHAT

oh frick we'll have to deal with that too!? Aren't things already effed up enough as is!?

...being meguka is suffering.

Also the song playing over this last sequence, Nigredo, is a real banger. Momentarily filling in that hole Kalafina left in our hearts.

After the end credits there's the teaser for season 2, with lots of overlapping lines and blink-and-you-miss-it frames hinting at the things that'll happen. I'd have to screenshot basically the whole sequence to get everything and season 2 is coming out like, today, so I'm not even gonna bother.

- x -

Aaand that's it folks! Puella Magia Madoka Magica Side Story: Magia Record Season 1! (still a mouthful)

I cannot express just how hyped I was by the end of this episode back when it aired. Did you get fired up watching it too? I was so into it back then I just couldn't stop theorizing for like, over a month, so eventually the curiosity was just too much and I caved in and watched the game.

On that matter, ironically, despite me loving the game story to bits, this is the ONE episode that makes me wish I didn't go and watch the game. Why? Because I liked this episode well enough before, but now I just can't get over how stupidly better the resolution to Yachiyo's arc was done in the game. I get runtime constraints and all, but it's almost an offense to her character having her believe in Iroha right away just because Iroha said she wouldn't die. Aaaaghh what the heck, I don't know how they could have done this better with the time on the episode but this wasn't it. I'll be eternally salty we got robbed of the full extent of alpha Iroha, too.

So yeah, I do apologize if this post sounded more salty and sarcastic than usual.

One thing I realized re-watching this though is that the reason this episode is so awkward with that character part is exactly because they halfheartedly tried to stick to the game. Yachiyo bringing back her "it's none of your account" and Iroha defeating the Rumor on her own were part of the game, but because they hadn't kept those character traits throughout the anime it falls flat here, because anime Yachiyo didn't use that almost as a catchphrase, and anime Iroha is never shown to be competent enough to take on a Rumor on her own (the opposite, in fact), so those come out of nowhere. Even last episode, Yachiyo 180ing because of what Mifuyu said comes out of the blue in the anime, because we're missing the context that she actually went back to behaving like she used to when she first disbanded her team, and anime Yachiyo didn't have the hold-up with the word "friends", at least not as clearly. On the other hand, Yachiyo being willing to accept Iroha's words right away does fit in with anime Yachiyo, who was always more soft than game version, but here it becomes awkward because they had had her acting like her game counterpart since last episode and then suddenly she snaps back to the anime self again.

What I'm trying to say here is that they should've changed this scene even more to fit the actual characters anime Iroha and Yachiyo are, rather than halfheartedly trying to force it to go the same way as in the game. That's what I think.

Besides that, Tsuruno and co.'s reaction to the truth was cut out, but I'm sure we'll get around to seeing that next season. Holy Mami's fight is cool but... I dunno. Except Sayaka reflecting that Tiro Finale, it felt really uninspired. It could've been shorter if that meant giving more time to the story, imo

Now for things I REALLY like in this episode, there's the whole sequence with Touka's speech. You might've even guessed this considering I said the dream sequence way back in episode 1 is my favorite ever. IT'S JUST SO GOOD. The constrast between Touka delivering this super charismatic discourse about magical girls, the saint of her cause being lunatic and their actions being just the opposite of the noble cause she says they're preaching is marvelous. They even manage to use this time to reveal that KaMoRe and Tsuruno and co. are on the cult. Really, really well done.

This ending tho. Iroha disappearing is the biggest anime original thing to happen besides Kuroe, so that's got me curious to see what they'll do with this. I love the game, so I have complicated feelings about the anime diverging from it, but I can't deny it's exciting to think about what they'll change up. Ultimately, it's more likely that they're just rearranging some stuff to make the progress more straightforward, but it'd be really cool if it went full anime original too. Just I'm not sure on the odds for that.

I'm sure they'll keep us on the suspense until the very last moment possible but I'm sure Iroha's not actually dead. Looking at a meta sense, there's no way they'd kill a main character off-screen. Storywise, it'd be hard to move Ui's mystery forward without the one person who remembers her and they're not just going to drop this plot, and also for Iroha to be dead Holy Mami would also need to be dead and we can't have that because they haven't even went into what's wrong with her yet. So yeah. I'll believe it when I see it. Would it be absolutely crazy if they did? Yeah, but it ain't gonna happen. (please don't make me have to bite my tongue show)

Whew, this post is long af. I didn't plan for this. I don't feel like writing a season impression because all of s1 was mostly set up for what's to come, so I can't say if it was good or bad until the series is over. Originally, I'd planned to put up another post with my theories for s2, but considering that comes out today I'm not sure there's even a point to doing it anymore lol

In any case, I hope I could provide you some fun with these posts! Being honest, the reason I decided to write this was because I've always liked to hear people's opinions on the shows I like, but I don't really have people to watch things with me, so I just read reddit and stuff. Doing that, when I was watching Symphogear s1 some years back, I stumbled across these posts of someone watching it for the first time and had a blast reading those as I watched. So I wanted to provide someone with that experience too. I'll never reach the comedic genius that person had, but I can at least keep you company while you watch :)

...these are also super useful to check back on the order of events too :v

So yeah, writing these was fun, though there were lots of parts where I really went out of ideas of what to say; it forced me to actually sit down and rewatch (or else I'd procrastinate) and made me pick up on a lot of things. That's a plus in my book.

Now that we are done with this, I hope you are as excited for season 2 as I am! I'm not sure if I'll keep writing about it here, so yeah. Whether we ever meet again or not, remember:

Don't ever make a contract with a white weasel.

#Magia Record #magireco #pmmm magia record #puella magi madoka magica side story #this post is super late #it's 7 in the morning #and I haven't slept help

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magaprima · 3 years

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Part 4 One Shot: Meeting Baby Adam

The memory of the sheer fear and desperation she’d felt the night she’d...infected herself with the Dark Lord’s seed wasn’t one she was ever likely to forget. She’d known he intended to kill her, and it would neither have been quick or painless. But, as always, she’d found a way to survive, as...unpleasant as the entire arrangement had been. She’d known Lucifer’s ego wouldn’t have been able to resist the promise of a son, especially one that wasn’t diluted by mortality as Sabrina was. A stay of execution he’d called it, and that was exactly what she’d expected; after all, thirteen months was more than enough time to come up with a plan, to finish Lucifer once and for all, and ensure her own life was protected in the process. She’d hadn’t come so far only to...retreat all the way to the beginning once again.

The baby therefore had been a means to an end. She’d birthed demonic creatures before-- not traditionally, she’d never actually been pregnant, but they were all still her children, she had given something of herself each time to make them, and they did all call her Mother. But she didn’t love them, she didn’t...excessively care for them. She’d had no reason to think this child, this Morningstar would be any different. And any sickness she’d felt, any...over-whelmining nausea he’d caused had only cemented the idea in her mind. Anything that caused her to feel this sick, this weak, at any point was not exactly going to earn her affection.

But....whenever her stomach was settled, whenever she didn’t feel ill, when she’d finally developed a particular potion that eased those symptoms, she couldn’t deny that being aware of something growing inside her was oddly...connecting. She’d even, on occasion, found herself smiling, even humming to herself in private contentment. She decided it was due to the fact she was slowly forming a plan, that everything would, eventually, come together. The fact she flinched in displeasure whenever Lucifer named the child ‘my son’, however, was something she hadn’t really wanted to explore. Besides, there had still been many months to go, almost a year, in fact.

If not for what happened.

It had been a twinge at first. A muscle spasm. A brief shot of pain that had hurt but wasn’t of any real concern. But then it came again. Bigger. More painful. She’d known instantly that something was wrong and it wasn’t merely her witch instincts that told her that, but something else, some...intuition telling her there was something bad happening to the tiny life growing inside her. The pain quickly became unbearable, even in its initial short bursts. She’d tried to swallow it, to breathe through it, but something inside her was ripping through her, pushing at organs, all of her insides. Pushing them violently.

The sudden, accelerated growth had been agonisingly fast, ripping through all of her, kicking through every part of her relentlessly, carelessly, destroying and cutting through parts of her to make room for the life inside her that was growing so much faster than was possible, even by infernal standards. And the sudden weight, the sudden change of weight of what had been nothing more than an almost imperceptible fetus becoming a complete and whole baby, had brought her to knees, unable to balance anymore than she was able to bear the pain.

Her concern should have been for herself and only herself. The baby was killing her and she should have thought of nothing but how to stop it, how to survive it...and yet, despite herself, her first flicker of a thought was to her son. My baby. If it was ripping her apart, then that meant he was being torn apart too; growing too fast, ripping out of her, would kill him as much as it would kill her....and not only did Lilith hate that she knew that, she hated that she cared.

She’d known where she needed to go, the only people who could actually help her-- and her son. She’d known it even if she didn’t like it. The last time she’d gone to the Spellmans for sanctuary she’d be turned away, but if they did that this time, Lilith knew she’d die. The Spellman Sisters were not just witches, they were skilled midwives, with centuries of experience of delivering babies of all varieties. They'd been her only hope and one that, thankfully, hadn’t been misplaced.

As she’d lay writhing on that bed, she’d known her baby was tearing apart. She hadn’t just felt it, she’d known it. She’d known then that that was what was meant to happen, someone was tearing them apart, someone was trying to kill them both, and Lilith wanted to hate the child for giving her this vulnerability. If she hadn’t been pregnant, if she hadn’t been carrying him, no one could have used this spell on her, she would have nothing to exploit, no vulnerability. The pregnancy might have, briefly, saved her life, but the baby had made her weak. It had made it possible for her enemies to not only attack her, but to succeed. She’d be ripped apart on this bed, she’d be dead and everything would have been for nothing, all of it. She’d be gone. Dead because her baby had made her weak.

And then the pain faded. Gone. Nothing but a dull hum as all around her the witches screamed in agony, taking on her pain. She’d been bewildered, confused, not just by the power of the spell, of how it had been possible in the first place, that a mere prayer of a spell from Zelda Spellman had compelled the Goddess of Witches herself to intervene, but also that any of the coven would be willing to do it, that they’d want to spare her the pain. And she felt them pushing, all of them. All of them pushing with her, physically pushing, all of them joined to get the baby out of her, to share the pain and the suffering, all of it, to help her survive. It gave Lilith time not only to realise that she wouldn’t die, that these people were not going to let her die, but that her baby wouldn’t die either, that she’d see him, that in minutes she would, actually, see him. And she didn’t want to. She should be hating him, she should be cursing his existence for what he’d done to her....but she wasn’t. She tried, she tried so hard to hate him as she pushed, but that hatred, that oh so familiar and comforting emotion wouldn’t come. If she couldn’t hate him now, for all this, when she’d never even seen him, held him...Lilith had dreaded what it would mean when she did.

This had not been part of her...emergency plan to save her own life. The baby had been nothing but a means to an end. A pregnancy to spare her life and a child that could, potentially and possibly, be used as some...bargaining chip at a later point. Caring for the child was never her intention nor was it her desire. And as she’d felt the creature finally slip out of her, she’d felt a cold dread grip her. She didn’t want to see him. She didn’t want to see him. But she knew Hilda would make her, that, inevitably, he would be brought to her. A son to his Mother. She didn’t want it. She didn’t want him. She didn’t want what it would mean. She was the Mother of Demons, not a mother of some actual baby. She didn’t want to be that. She didn’t want to care for something other than herself. It would make her weak, make her vulnerable, just as the pregnancy had. She wanted Lucifer gone and she wanted the throne. That’s all. She wouldn’t have some....satanic miracle change that, interfering with it.

She could hear him crying and she’d still refused to look, instead keeping her eyes on the ceiling, avoiding everyone in the room, all of it. Trying her best to ignore as Hilda cut the cord, as she wrapped him in a blanket with the clear intent of....presenting him to Lilith. She didn’t want this. She’d never wanted this. Take it away, she thought silently, take it away, even as her head turned to look, to watch Hilda. She could see a hand, just the tiniest glimpse of a hand....and she wanted to see more. She’d delivered him, it had nearly killed her, she should at least see the cause of that, to put an actual face to her near cause of death.

But the nearer Hilda grew, the more Lilith had felt the desire to do more than see him. She wanted to hold him. He’s mine, she thought silently. He’s mine and I should be the one holding him. He’s mine. He’s mine. Without even realising what she was doing, Lilith reached out for him, her arms stretching towards Hilda, encouraging her to hand him over. She just wanted to see him, that was all, to know what it felt like....what he felt like. They’d both been attacked after all and they’d both been through the pain and trauma and....searing agony of this...unexpected delivery. Both of them. Together.

Lilith reached out more eagerly, feeling Hilda was not being...prompt enough. And then she saw his face. Crying, upset by everything that happened and she’d felt an overwhelming desire to soothe him, to remind him he wasn’t alone in this, and to make him feel better for it. Please, give him to me, she thought, and the moment he was in her arms the....wariness disappeared, the attempted resentment, all of it, giving way to something entirely different and entirely...overwhelming.

She loved him. There was no escaping it. She loved him. He was perfect. Instinctively, she hushed him gently, rocking him a little, wanting to soothe his cries and dry his tears. I know, she thought, I know. We were attacked, we suffered...but we survived. We’re both survivors. This love was different than anything she’d ever known; it didn’t feel like it was taking from her, it felt felt like it was giving. She’d worried that being even remotely attached the child would mean she would be weak, that she would...give up on certain goals in favour of newfound motherhood. Instead, it was the opposite. Lilith felt a flame inside her burn brighter than ever as her determination became fiercer than ever too. For him, for her son. Her son who she loved and who she would protect at all costs. He’d started his life in suffering, but she’d make sure he wouldn’t live that way. Lucifer wouldn’t come near him, none of Hell’s Court would...not until she and her son were both ruling over it.

She’d never known love could be such a...rallying strength, how powerful it could really be, until now. She loved him and she had no desire to deny it, not to herself, not to anyone.

“He’s perfect” She declared, “A perfect little devil”

#p4 one shots #this has been in my head for a while #i didn't focus too much on the actual birth because i feel i've gone into that much more in analysis #and this was more about lilith's connection to adam

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lorei-writes · 4 years

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Together

Part 2 - The Present

Masamune x MC (Mizusaki Mai) Mostly feels, some fluff (I think) Previous parts: Part 1 - The Past

Okay, I think it’s all right.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, as Ikemen Sengoku is the property of Cybrid. Anything included in the story is not canon.

Briefly: When the time comes, I will not hesitate.

Mai never intended to return. She locked away her fears and regrets, never once wanting to face them. After all, how could she? If she had any say in the matter, she would have approached the matters differently – she would have told her parents about the reason behind her disappearance, she would have said her goodbyes by herself, she would never have them worried like that. However, the stakes were stacked against her, the wormhole being too much of an unusual occurrence to even consider counting on another one to ever happen – all she could do was to give Sasuke hand written letters and hope that they'd believe her words. Not that she could tell them all the truth and risk having her sanity put into question.

Mai never thought she'd ever see her mother, even less so that the woman would be crushing her ribs in a tight embrace. “ Mum?” she asked, too puzzled to asses the situation. “ My little girl, where have you been all this time? You had me worried sick,” the mother sobbed. “ It's a long story. For how long have I been here?” The arms around Mai loosened a bit, just for the parent and the child to part seconds later. The woman sat back on the chair next to the hospital bed. “ A day. The doctors don't even know what had happened to you.” Mai raised her eyebrows. She sat up and stretched her arms. “ What do you men they don't know what had happened to me?” “ We... We did not expect to ever see you again,” she hesitated, as she choked on words, the tears threatening to spill over at any moment. She took a deep breath, trying to steady her uneven tone: “ Let alone unharmed,” she continued, rubbing at her eyes. “ Your father will be here in an hour. We were sure you got kidnapped.”

The days following the return were rather hectic, with her parents in a state of hysterical happiness and disbelief. Their minds could not conjure any scenario probable enough to accept. How could they? For all those years they lived convinced their daughter was a victim to human trafficking, sold somewhere on an illegal market, never to be rescued. They had grieved her during the days, the nightmares sometimes twisting the dreams into horrible visions of abuse. For Mai to come back safely was miraculous, for her to be of relatively good health and to have seemingly lost all memory from the past years – it was next to impossible. In their minds, it was all an illusion. Partially, they indeed were right, as the woman never allowed her sorrow to surface whenever anybody was around, hence strengthening the image of a lucky survivor.

Mai wasn't one, though. If anything, she dreaded her fate, all too aware of the fact that even if the opportunity came to be, she could not return to her husband. The diagnosis didn't scare her at first – the doctors assured her that although the disease had progressed, all the effects could be reversed. Only later did she understand what they meant – it would get better, if she took the medicine, the very pellets that were manufactured only in the present time, a definite cure still remaining unknown to the world. As it was explained to her, her hypothyroidism was most probably a result of an autoimmune condition, a thing they couldn't help. She would be able to lead a happy life, to fulfill her dreams – yet only then and there, not back in time.

Mai did miss plenty of time. The trends had shifted and the technology had progressed. With her parents worried about her and the police insisting on continuing the investigation, she soon found herself moving to her hometown, where she worked on rebuilding her portfolio. While trying to convince everybody that she was in good condition, she adapted to the present, her spirit still stuck back in the past. People assumed it was ordinary, as something surely must have broken her in a way – why else she would have vanished?

However, she was not able to hide everything. To the surprise of her parents, her designs changed in a peculiar way – Mai did seem to become keen on a particular shade of blue, oftentimes using a moon theme in her work. It wasn't only that – her cooking improved greatly, she took a strange liking to cats and was awfully unapologetic. She also gained a rather weird interest in history, as if she had seen some things happen with her own eyes. Her attitude towards consumption changed as well, with nothing being destined to become waste.

On that morning, she was out shopping for dinner, hoping to fetch herself some fresh ingredients. She wondered which of the dishes she should prepare, when she heard a familiar voice calling her. She spun around abruptly, not quite believing her own ears. To her best knowledge, Sasuke returned to the present to continue his studies – what possibly could he be doing in her town? Yet there he was, carefully avoiding clashing into other humans, as he rushed to her side. “ Mai, I just... What are you doing here?” he asked, concern evident in his voice. “ I could ask you the very same thing. Care for a coffee?” Former ninja agreed with a nod and soon, they were seated in a small cafe.

Bitter-sweet aroma filled the space, as their orders got delivered. Not sure how to go about the conversation, Mai started: “ So, why are you here? I presume it has nothing to do with your research.” “ No, it doesn't. I do have an interesting observation, though. It seems that nobody but us is aware of the changes in the history we've made. Their memories just update to what presumably has happened.” “ And?” she nagged him to continue, as she dug into her cake. “ In last years it was noted that Masamune Date died leaving no heir behind. In past months it got updated to 'Masamune Date died leaving no heir behind, allegedly abstaining from any relationships with women after his first wife died in an accident'. Mai, history is changing at an astounding rate.” She bit her lip, trying to silence any hope welling up inside of her. “ Do you want to tell me that...” she started. “ I can't say anything for sure, but it's entirely possible more things will be discovered.” “ Thanks,” she mustered, an honest smile gracing her face for the first time in months. “ Friends in the past stay friends in the future, right?” Sasuke laughed. “ What even happened back there?” Mai shook her head, just to start explaining the recent events a few seconds later. ***

Masamune couldn't possibly tell everybody the truth. Having escaped the burning fire, he was greeted with compassionate looks – his servants and retainers had already made up the version of reality, in which the princess had died. Given the evidence and the almost supernatural nature of the phenomenon that stole her away, it would be unwise to state otherwise. Whenever anybody asked, Masamune simply said: “She's gone”, never bothering to provide any further explanation. After receiving the letters with briefing on the events, his friends didn't even ask for details anyway.

He was restless. To the outside world, Masamune didn't change too much – he lived, as if his beloved wife was still by his side, at worst being even more eager to fulfill his duties. Simply, no eyes could see the insatiable hunger consuming him on the inside. Yet, in his misery, he couldn't say he'd do anything differently – the possibility of saving her was enough for him to withstand the poisonous effects of the feeling he was unable to give up on.

Torn apart by his desires and the better judgement, he sprung into action, using the information provided by his lover to speed up the cogs of time. If the reason behind the appearance of wormholes was restoring balance, he'd disturb it just enough to force one to open. At worst, he'd silence the yearning in his chest, so that he could live through another day. The nights, on the other hand... The nights were unbearable. At first, his bed still smelled of her, rubbing salt into the fresh wound. However, the scent started to fade out fast, making him miss her even more. Hoping to breach the gap between them, he wrote letters to her almost daily and hid them in his most prominent castles in an attempt to lure the researchers into finding them.

Though some part of him was certain, he'd have a chance to deliver them himself. ***

Almost two years had passed since their parting. Mai had moved to Kyoto, as she began to stand on her own feet anew. The place had some strange magnetizing effect on her and she couldn't help but listen to her intuition. She was cooking dinner, when the phone lit up. Sasuke had sent her a link. She frowned, turning the stove down.

The site opened. “A collection of letters discovered by the archaeologists”, read the title. Feverishly, her eyes scanned over the text, until the quotation and pictures of source material appeared. “ To my one and only beloved,

I miss your touch. I long to kiss your lips and hold you close. Whenever I close my eyes, you're in my dreams and I can't wait for the time we can meet in reality.

I can only hope you forgave me, as I know you won't be able to answer me. I did not lie in my vows.

When the time comes, I will not hesitate. Please, keep smiling until we meet and then, you'll have all the rights in the world to be angry with me. For now, just trust me.” The rest of the letter was smudged, but Mai didn't need to see the signature to know the sender. She covered her mouth with her hand, as her heart started to beat faster.

Another text appeared in her notifications: “I can see the dates changing. It's insane.” A few seconds have passed. “Mai, entire paragraphs are being rewritten.”

She didn't wait. She turned down the stove completely and barged out of her apartment, heading towards the monument she knew so well. The weather was beautiful, just like the first time. She didn't need any confirmation, she knew what would happen.

And it did.

#masamune date #ikesen masamune #ikemen sengoku masamune #masamune x mc #ikemen sengoku #ikesen #my ff

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loubabykitten · 5 years

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BEST FICS OF 2018

first of all… happy new year guys!!!

as promised, here are the best fics i read in 2018 (some of them were published before but i discovered them in 2018), there're not in order:

Chasing empty spaces (79k, chaptered) - 1930s au

by @domestic-harry

The year is 1934 and Harry Styles was to inherent the largest tobacco firm in the south. His parents have picked out the “perfect” girl for him to marry and he has the privilege of receiving the highest education possible. The problem was, Harry hadn’t realized he didn’t actually want any part of that future until he met a mechanic named, Louis Tomlinson.

Don't want shelter (76k, chaptered) - teacher!louis, businessman!harry

by @fullonlarrie

Louis and Harry have known each other all their lives. Friends as children, they danced around each other as teenagers, and have spent the last twenty-five years either screaming at each other or not speaking at all. Except for that one time ten years ago…

When Hurricane Nicole threatens the coast, they end up stuck together in their families' old vacation home that they begrudgingly co-own.

During the storm, and in the months after, they’re both forced to reevaluate their history and what they mean to each other.

Save myself (219k, chaptered) - rich!louis, student!harry

by @make-thisfeellikehome

Louis Tomlinson is a train wreck. That is a way of putting it lightly. His whole world is a vast blur of darkness and bad decisions and it doesn't matter how many times he decides he's done, he always falls back in, because darkness is tricky like that for him. Louis wants for nothing—has everything he could ever ask for really, but it's all nothing. Maybe he needs to be rescued—maybe he can't be rescued. No one knows.

Or the one where Louis is a spoiled rich kid who is ignored by his entire family, who's friends only use him as a means for drugs and no one believes he's worth any more than just that. Harry Styles is a first year university student who's just moved to Doncaster for their theatre program who just happens to get the short straw when he's partnered with Louis for Bio Lab. What could go wrong?

Lightning strikes twice (104k, chaptered) - groupie!louis, famous!harry

by @catfishau

Louis slipped his hand onto Harry’s thigh, snaking his fingers up and inwards. “I’m a big fan. You’re so talented, and I have to admit that I actually fancy you a bit.”

“Yeah?” Harry reached up to push Louis’ fringe out of his eyes. “Well, you know, I like to try and be accommodating to my fans.”

“You’re quite well known for that,” Louis whispered as he turned his head some more, their mouths an inch apart. “So I hear.”

---

Rock star Harry Styles was nineteen when he met Louis, a groupie with a huge heart that Harry couldn’t quite shake from his mind. Fate granted him a second chance at the age of sixty, his washed up and lonely existence being transformed by a widower with a bookshop.

Tell me how to feel about you (38k, chaptered) - college/university au

by @imlouisaf

Louis thought it would feel different once he got to LA. He knew it was best for him; a fresh start as far away as he could get. But when the plane touched down and he stepped out into the hot air around LAX, Louis felt exactly the same.

There's still a hole in his chest where his heart used to be; ripped away even after trying for so many years to keep it from happening. He knows it's not all his fault, not by a mile, but it doesn't stop him from blaming himself for it all going wrong.

If he'd just stayed strong, if he'd said no when he said yes, maybe everything would be different.

Or, Harry has been trying to convince Louis to date him for years, but Louis has always been wary of Harry’s fairly obvious commitment issues. Louis eventually gives him a chance, opening his heart up to the one thing he fears.

Have faith in me (183k, chaptered) - rich!harry, assistant!louis

As the son of Anne Styles, millionaire owner of one of the world's most luxurious fashion labels, Harry has spent his last seventeen years living in carefree extravagance. And now he's grown tired of it, along with the pressure from his mum to follow in her footsteps and the constant care given to him by her past assistants.

When his mum's newest assistant, Louis, moves into the guesthouse, Harry determines to be treated differently. To be treated like an adult. Except Louis is not at all what Harry was expecting...

This is a story about growing up, growing in love and having the faith to make it last.

Shake me down (208k chaptered) - college/university au, insecure!harry, protective!louis

by @agreatperhaps12

Harry's new to college, fresh out of Catholic school and conversion therapy camp, and Louis runs the campus LGBTQIA organization.

Red hands (132k, chaptered)

by @harrytum

“I’ve never told anyone,” Harry murmurs, voice so soft no one else would be able to hear, if it wasn’t just the two of them.

“But you’ve told someone,” Louis says firmly. “And that’s not gonna fucking happen around here. You don’t speak a word of it, or someone’s going to kill you, and we can’t let that happen.”

a dystopian au in which harry, an ex-soldier who’s escaped from his government run camp, accidentally stumbles across the biggest rebel movement in the country, and louis, one of the rebellion’s mysterious leaders who appears to hate him, seems to simultaneously have an obsession with keeping him alive. or: harry is wanted for treason, niall hasn’t changed in four years, liam is always smiling, and louis is angry. like, really angry.

There are no atheists in foxholes (64k, one shot)

by @suspendrs

“Do you think we’ll ever see it again?” Harry asks after a minute. “London?”

Louis blinks, looking down. They very well could spend the rest of their lives on this island, and they’re both very aware of that. Everyone probably already thinks they’re dead, anyway. Their flats are going to be sold, and their families are going to have funerals, and life is going to go on without them. Even if they do get rescued, it’s already been days. The news of the shipwreck has definitely reached London by now. They don’t know if there’s been any effort to look for survivors, but they also don’t know how far away from the wreck they are, or how far people are going to go to look for them, or if anyone even knows that this island is here and, like, it’s very possible that they’ve already looked and stopped looking for survivors, and no one knows they’re out here-

“I don’t know,” Louis says, before he can start spiraling. “I hope so, but I don’t know.”

Or, the sea takes everything from Louis, but it gives him back more than he ever could’ve asked for.

Dance to the distortion (96k, chaptered)

by @domestic-harry

Louis accidentally breaks Harry's camera lens and in order to get it fixed, they decide to participate in a romantic couples study. The only issue is that they are not actually couple. Well that and the fact they cannot stand each other.

Lonely king (40k, chaptered) - broken!louis, indie!harry

When Louis' parents pass away in a car accident, he inherits a cottage in the woods of Scotland. He ends up spending the summer there; unraveling secrets, mending bonds and creating memories with his best friends.

For as long as i can remember (it's been december) (128k, chaptered) - lawyer!louis, chef!harry

After recovering from a severe accident that causes Harry to lose his memory of three years, he moves to London to start his life over as a star chef. Little does he know that when he falls in love with Louis at first sight, it’s not the first time they meet.

Featuring an unintentional game of hot and cold, Harry chasing memories that won’t come back, Louis burying himself in work to try and forget what he can’t forget, Liam being torn between two of his best friends, Zayn as a moral compass and Niall saving the day with good music and brutal honesty.

The road less travelled by (98k, chaptered) - Lumberjack!louis, high school principal!harry

by @freetheankles

Louis was a lumberjack happy to be living his life alone in what could qualify as Middle Of Nowhere, Canada.

Every morning, he went out into the woods, cut his logs, then came home at dusk to a scalding hot shower and a good book by the fireplace. Rinse and Repeat. He had a good life, quiet and peaceful; simple. Not a secluded one as Niall annoyingly claimed.

Louis certainly didn't need some chatty trespasser dropping into his life, his forest, his home. Invading his space, his circle of friends, touching his stuff, asking questions about his husband. His late husband.

A trespasser who wasn’t supposed to crawl under his skin, occupy his thoughts, and steal his heart from where Louis had locked it safely away, only to put it right back on Louis’ sleeve — where it once laid.

No, Louis definitely didn’t need Harry.

Saving symphony hall (124k, chaptered) - symphony hall au, omega!louis, alpha!harry

by @helloamhere

“I think I have an idea,” Louis said. Slowly, and reluctantly, but with a growing sense of the inevitable. “God damnit, I think I have a really good idea.”

“Oh christ, that's the problem-solving face,” Babs said. “Last time we saw that face, he sold a company.”

“Wait, what?” Zayn asked.

“Right place, right time,” Louis said. “Also, fuck my life,”

“What?” Zayn repeated. Niall patted his hand.

“I usually just roll with whatever Louis is about to do,” he said. “It’s better for us all.”

“That’s the attitude,” said Louis, “I’ll tell you tomorrow. Tonight, I need to do some research. Zayn, give me your number. I’m gonna save our symphony.”

Shelter as we go (75k, one shot)

by @fondleeds

Louis looks at him like his words might break him, glass about to splinter, one wrong footfall away from shattering into a million tiny pieces.

“Hey,” Harry breathes, and he knows, meeting Louis’ eyes, that his words could break him easy as anything. He almost wants Louis to bring his boot down.

AU. Nova Scotia, 1968.

Walk that mile (149k, chaptered) - road trip au

Harry stares at him, the line of his jaw standing out scarily. “I wanted to get the most out of this trip so I planned it carefully.” His voice is low and steady and somehow that’s worse than when he was yelling. “So far, you’ve put your sticky fingers on everything I’ve tried to do.”

“Sticky fingers?” Louis repeats, offended. “Are you saying it’s my fault you got stung by a bee? Had you been alone you would have gotten halfway to the Dotty Diner and ran the car off the road because of an allergic reaction, so don’t go blaming me.”

“Polk-A-Dot Drive In,” Harry spits before getting out of the car. He slams the door shut with a deafening reverb and Louis rolls his eyes. - A Route 66 AU where falling in love was never part of the plan.

MY TOP 5:

5. I believe him when he tells of loving me (28k, chaptered)

louis doesn't remember harry. harry takes him home.

4. Wild love (130k, chaptered)

by @daisyharry

“Good,” Julia says, clearly pleased to have them both uncomfortable and unable to look at each other. “Now, I only have one more question before you can go. What are you planning to do when this experiment ruins your friendship?”

“We said we’d stay friends no matter what,” Harry says smoothly, his chin lifting in defense.

“That was our one thing going into it,” Louis agrees. “Stay friends no matter what.”

Julia raises a perfectly manicured brow, “That’s all fine and good. But I hope you realize your emotions aren’t going to realize this is an experiment in the end. If one of you falls for the other and finds out those feelings are not reciprocated, you’re not going to be able to laugh it off as a social experiment. I’m not saying you shouldn’t do this, I’m just hoping you’ve considered all of the possible outcomes.”

- AU: Two best friends try to date each other for forty days. It's supposed to be fun until emotions make it complicated.

3. In sickness and in health (83k, chaptered) - american!harry, british!louis

by @rainbowsandlovehl

“Just make sure that you head down to the immigration office as soon as you can, alright?” James reminded them, making them look towards the man and nod in unison. “Remember Louis, you have only two weeks. So make it legal quickly so you don’t get deported.” “I’ll be sure to remind my assistant to schedule our appointment,” Louis joked and laughed.

A loosely based The Proposal Au where Louis is to be deported in two weeks. Since he doesn't want to lose his job, he asks his assistant, Harry to marry him for a green card. If it makes them realise they're in love, oh well. There's also the fact that no one doubts their credibility.

2. Hush (41k, one shot) - high school au, quarterback!louis, feminine!harry

by @wankerville

“I don't like you like that, Harry.”

“See,” Harry starts, Louis can hear the smile in his voice, “that's where I think you're lying.”

or an au where small towns suck, louis is losing it, and harry’s just too perfect.

1. Light my morning sky (54k, one shot) - college/university au

The relatively cliché College AU in which Louis happens to be proficient in Philosophy, Ethics and keeping his distance, while Harry is in need of a tutor to salvage his grade, and never passes up on a challenge; Zayn and Liam like to gaze wantonly across at each other whilst pretending to read Austen; and Niall is the precarious bond that holds them all together.

(Expect some sappy self-indulgent scenes consisting of bed-sharing, 4 am almost-love declarations, drunk texting, and far too much time spent at the student bar for it to be an accurate depiction of uni life.)

#larry #larry stylinson #larry fic #fic rec #best fics #best fics of 2018 #best fics of the year #it's a long one #sorry #larry au #larry smut #larry fluff #larry angst #louis tomlinson fanfiction #harry styles fanfiction #enjoy

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spyvstailor · 5 years

Text

Need 70 More

Sorry to do this, guys, but even though I thought I placed a one time stop payment on a bill that was coming out, it came out anyways, so my bank account is now overdrawn. I need just 70 more to get to a comfortable spot in my friggin life. However! Good news is you all reached my original goal! So life is doing good things for me!

HUGE THANKS AND SHOUT OUT TO EVERYONE WHO DONATED AND REBLOGGED! SOME OF YOU GAVE LIKE WAY TOO GENEROUS FOR MY SHITTY WRITING AND IT DID NOT GO UNAPPRECIATED OR UNNOTICED! GOOD THINGS WILL COME TO YOU IN LIFE FOR YOUR GENEROSITY. I LOVE YOU GUYS!

Donate to my Paypal. Also I now have a Ko-Fi at the suggestion of someone dear to me, so here’s the link to that. It’s kind of barren right now, I’m working on it to offer people things they might like in order to earn my keep.

But as promised, here is my give so I may take. Chapter Two of Graveyard Dirt & Salt!

Chapter Two

The bell tower was covered in bird shit and looked like it was going to give him some kind of disease, but the view from it was worth the filth.

If he stood, with his back to the trees that grew in thick to the South of the convent, the back end as he'd come to call it, he could see straight down the cattle trail that lead from the convent gate, almost all the way down to the highway beyond the woods. To his right, to his left, to his hindquarters, was nothing but trees. Thick woods to give them cover.

They were both a blessing and a curse.

In his mind, if anyone took beef with them, the trees would be perfect cover for lurking invaders. But on the other hand, the trees kept their little convent a secret from the rest of the world.

Kicking some of the larger detritus out from his new nest, he unfurled his bedroll and began to make himself at home. If he stayed longer than a week, if he lasted longer than a week, he would give it a good, solid scrub down, but for now it was a place to sleep without worrying about having his ass snacked on.

Besides, he was pointedly warned against trying to settle into the cloister itself, the dorms where the nuns seemed to sleep. So he had to make his bed someplace other than the infirmary.

The clacking on the wooden ladder up to his perch alerted him to the fact someone was about to visit and he settled on his haunches, wanting to appear non-threatening to the woman who was about to appear.

A blonde head popped up into view, followed by a blue jumper dress.

The young nun carried with her a plate with bread smeared with what looked like honey and she smiled sweetly at him.

“Mother Mena wanted me to bring you some food, she said you'd be hungry.” The woman said.

“That's very sweet of you, thank you.”

Setting the plate in his lap, the woman turned to leave.

“So...tell me about you nuns here, what's your deal?” He called out to her, mostly desperate for some conversation after months of solitude.

The woman turned. “Oh...uh...well, what do you...um. I'm sorry, I'm Mary Elizabeth, I'm a novitiate, which means I haven't taken my vows yet. We're a Cisterian order, which means we value stability and simplicity.”

“And you don't ever...do anything beyond pray?”

“Well, we garden and take care of our chickens and hives, mostly we supply...well, we used to supply vegetables and peaches from our trees and eggs and honey and bees wax to the local farmer's market to support our convent. Most of our funds go to charity in the church, people starving in other countries, disaster relief. And we reflect, on God, on man, on everything in between.”

Splitting the bread slice in half, he handed her the larger piece and bit into his.

Mary Elizabeth took the offered piece with a shy grin and squatted down like a lady to join him, knees together, skirt covering anything inappropriate, one hand on her knees to ensure this.

“Is it really bad out there?” She asked as they chewed in silence. “Some of our order went to the market nearly half a year ago and never came back.”

He nodded. “I can't give you any hope, they're probably gone. Swept away with the dead.”

The woman's pretty little face puckered in dislike of that idea, but she soldiered on bravely.

“It's like Revelations. The dead rising. Scares the dickens out of me, if I'm honest.”

The woman was so sincere in her fear, as she rightly should be, but it troubled him to think of her now knowing the full extent of what was going on outside the convent walls. The Lieutenant had been forged by war overseas, by rigorous training and by all he had seen and done in his forty-three years and he couldn't imagine being in the dark while the whole world fell to pieces around you. Then again, he was always the one running into the danger, as others fled.

This slip of a girl, barely old enough to vote, it seemed, was scared of the rotting corpses that walked across the land and he understood how she could be. It was bigger than them, out of control, there was nothing left but the dead and the vultures who picked at the corpses of society. The wildfire had spread, the towns and holy places had fallen.

Downing the last morsel of his bread and honey, the Lieutenant stood up and pointed at her. “Well, either you're closing your eyes to a situation you do not wish to acknowledge or you are not aware of the calibre of disaster indicated by the presence of a pool table in your community.”

The woman clutched her hands together and beamed happily. “Oh! I love The Music Man!”

“Ya got trouble, my friend, right here, I say, trouble right here in River City,” he went on playfully.

Mary Elizabeth blushed shyly. “Mother Mena says you're the trouble around here.”

“She's getting a hunter and protector out of this deal. Missy should watch her tongue.” He returned, easing his ass against the railing and folding his arms.

“I'd better get going, I have to do the washing tonight and I wasn't really supposed to talk to you.”

“It was nice to talk with you regardless, Lizzie. But don't get yourself into trouble on my behalf.”

The woman giggled. “You too, Lieutenant. And I won't. I think it's uncharitable to pretend you don't exist. Seems a little cruel. Not that I judge Mother Mena! She's kind, she's just...scared, I think.”

“We're all scared. That's the human condition. Fear of being the prey to a greater predator and for the longest time man was at the top of the foodchain. Mind yourself going down now,” he cautioned, moving to offer her a hand down the ladder, before remembering that he wasn't to touch any of the nuns, so he drew his hand back quickly.

Mary Elizabeth beamed at him. “Thanks for the offer though. I like a gentleman.”

For days the Lieutenant hunted for the nuns, but he was like a ghost at the convent. The nuns saw him, the spoke of him in hushed whispers, but no one dared approach him.

He'd bring them an animal sacrifice and they'd send someone up to his tower with a plate for his share of the meal, but he was still awful lonely.

It had taken an entire week before another nun spoke to him.

“That is a household worth of baggage, Lieutenant.” She said.

He had just returned to the convent with a successful bounty, two ducks and a goose for dinner, when Sister Mary Agnes approached him. He had met her the other day when she was the one to bring him some food. He liked her matronly look.

“I got lucky,” he returned, preparing to clean the kills.

“I meant that pack on your back,” she said, kneeling beside him. “Doesn't it ever get awful heavy after all that walking?”

Glancing at his pack, the one he went everywhere with, he grinned. “It's my apartment. Everything I own is in that bag.”

“How on earth can a man travel with so much on his back? Don't you ever get tired?” She demanded.

“Mais, when you don't have a home, Sister, you make do. My apartment is on my back, ready at a moment's digging.”

The woman stopped them both, her dark eyes grave. “What's it like out there, Lieutenant? Really?”

“Hell on earth,” he admitted. “If it's not full of the dead, it's lonesome and abandoned. Torn apart like the aftermath of a child's temper tantrum. It's like walking through a bad dream.”

“Sounds like things are bad.”

“Worse. Whatever you're thinking, it's worse.”

Mary Agnes frowned. “I sometimes wonder why, when everything has turned to dust, we're left here holding the bag, as it were.”

“We're the survivors,” he explained. “It takes a lot of hard work to become the survivors. A lot of loss and a lot of pain, but we're here.”

“I suppose that makes sense. They always said the broken ones triumph.” She nudged him kindly. “So what broke you?”

For a second he was thrown, gunshots echoed in his memory. Shouting and verbal abuse, memories of his mother, of everything that had shaped him came flooding to the forefront of his mind, before he managed to recover himself.

“Why, sister,” he teased. “We are all broken children under God's eyes. Doesn't take much more than a dead dog or a bully in our childhoods.”

“I pried,” she returned simply. “I'm sorry. But humour will only deflect for so long, Lieutenant.”

“Mais,” he sighed. “It lasts long enough though.”

He was on the wall later that evening, watching an uggie as it shambled from out of the woods towards the wall he was on.

Poor little lady in her bathrobe, one slipper still on, the other long gone.

“Didn't expect to be caught in your jammies, huh?” He asked the thing.

It grunted and made a mad dive for the wall just under him, hands clawing at the stones.

“Never actually thought people even wore bathrobes,” he went on calmly. “Maybe I should start wearing one. Look like one of those old Hollywood actors. Cary Grant, yeah?”

“What on earth on you doing up there?” Missy asked from the ground behind him.

“Bird watching,” he returned casually. “Wanna come up?”

“And fall off that wall and break my tail in this habit? I think I'll pass on the offer. Being up there in jeans is one thing, but this habit is a wind catcher for sure.”

Turning around he held out his hand to her. “Come on. I won't let you fall.”

Hitching her robes to her, she moved to a spot where she must have propped an old ladder in order to climb up.

He moved to help her onto the wall, once more forgetting that he couldn't touch the nuns.

She held out her hand as he moved to grasp her elbow and stood on the wall, peering down at the uggie in her jammies.

“Do you suppose they're in pain?” She asked.

“I don't think so, think they're running on instinct and nothing else.” He said, running his hand over the butt of his rifle a little nervously, ready to steady Missy at a moment should she prove correct and the wind grab her. “Reminds me of this fact I heard about octopi and how if you put their corpse by salt their little tentacles react, but they're dead as rocks. Like that, I suppose. Them folks in Japan eating them basically raw, and their little tentacles grab at them chopsticks. Little undead squiggles putting up a fight.”

“This is a person,” she murmured. “She had things to do, goals and dreams.”

“We're all born astride the grave.” He stated.

Handing her his rifle, he pulled out his knife and jumping off the wall, over the thing, he came up behind her and knocked the uggie against the stones, holding her there so he could drive his knife into the base of her skull. It sunk heavily to the ground and he eased the poor woman back into a dignified laying position. Kneeling by the corpse, he wiped his knife blade on her bathrobe, before looking up to find the nun peering down at him quietly.

“Do you want a hand with her?” She asked.

He moved to help her down, his large hand sliding around her waist so that she could hop against him to break her fall somewhat, the other day she had precariously climbed down and nearly fell, today she was wearing her full habit, she offered him a hard look as he set her on her feet.

“That had better been my only option of dismount,” she warned him.

“Unless you want to break your neck today, then yes, ma'am.”

Kneeling over the corpse, Missy pushed the woman's hair out of her face and peered upon the rotted visage.

“Last rites?” He joked.

“I can't give those,” she said. “I just wanted to look at the poor woman. I killed so many of these the past few weeks, I never had a chance to pause and give thought to them. I honestly thought it was for the best to put them out of their misery. They are abominations after all, but they were once God's children.”

Kneeling with her, the Lieutenant nodded. “Bet she was someone's mama. She looks like a mama.”

“I hope her babies are alright, but from what you tell me, I don't imagine they are.” She was quiet for the longest time, before adding, “you'll keep my girls safe, won't you?”

“If you want me to,” he replied. “I haven't got anywhere to be.”

She looked at him for the longest time, those pretty blue eyes of hers shining and hard, despite being the bluest things he had ever seen. Set against her white chocolate skin and framed by luscious dark lashes, she was hell in a habit. If he had to gauge an age on her, he would wager she was around the same age as him, maybe a little younger. She certainly aged well if she were any older, and maybe she had, she was in charge of her convent, after all, and it took a while to advance in any profession.

“Then if you advise me on how to keep them safe, I will listen, but I will not compromise our faith for anything. The bell will stay silent, and we will do a patrol of the wall, but I will not expect any of my girls to harm anyone or anything without knowing for certain that it won't damn them. Some of my nuns still have their faith and I want them to keep it strong.”

“Fair enough,” the returned with a grin, holding out a hand to shake.

She considered it for a moment.

“Nobody went to hell for shaking a Cajun's hand,” he teased.

“Yet,” she murmured with a very, very small shine in her eyes.

Reconsidering his dirty hand, the Lieutenant wiped it on the front of his shirt, before offering it again.

This time she took it, shaking gently.

“You know this reminds me of this story my mamere used to tell me,” he explained, grunting as he scooped up the dead woman. “About this--”

“Sorry, your 'mamere'?” Missy interrupted.

“My granny.” He said, moving the corpse onto the muddy cattle trail of a road leading up to the convent gate where a fire would burn better without starting the woods ablaze. If they were going to keep collecting bodies, he would have to begin burning them. That pile in the woods would soon be doing nobody no good. “She used to tell me about this old man named Gilliam, used to beat the hell out of his old hound. Never deserved the poor thing, so one night, my...uh...granddaddy, he goes over, dead of night, dark as Hades--”

“I don't mean to cut your tale off at the root, I'm certain it's a wonderful parable, Mister Lieutenant, but we are about to burn a body here? Perhaps some wise words or none at all?” Missy suggested.

The Lieutenant was quiet, settling the corpse up in the middle of the muddy trail, before reaching for his lighter. He set the woman ablaze, burning her clothing, knowing full well the parchment paper flesh that remained on her corpse would go up in smoke easily.

Standing back, he glanced around cautiously, knowing that uggies liked to pop up when least expected.

Finding them alone, he turned his attention back to the burning body.

“Uh, dearly beloveds we are gathered here today to, uh, burn this--”

“Are you marrying the corpse or laying her to rest, Lieutenant?” The woman demanded with another very small twinkle in her eye.

“Mais, girl, go easy on me. I ain't a priest.”

“Honey, even the heathens had idols they worshipped before the Christian God,” she pointed out.

“So I'm lesser than a heathen and yet greater then a toad, yeah?” He winked at her.

As the smoke began to choke them with the scent of burning flesh, the nun turned on her heel and headed back to the wall, hiking her hem up as she went tiptoeing through the mud.

“You're certainly bigger than a toad,” she said. “Now use that might and give me a hand up and over, please?”

She squealed an undignified and rather girlish noise as the Lieutenant came up behind her and scooped her up and at the wall with his hands.

“Mind your hands,” she warned coolly as soon as she recovered her dignity.

“Sorry,” he said easily, shifting his left hand from where it cupped her inner thigh, “there's so much skirt to you that I wasn't sure where the safest place to stick my hand was at. I guess I aimed wrong.”

“I nearly had to abandon my vows for you to make an honest woman of me,” she declared, hoisting herself up onto the wall.

Beaming up at her, the Lieutenant said, “hey, now, Missy. Mind your tongue before the devil cuts it off.”

As soon as she was safely on the wall, he said, “now hand me that rifle you got.”

“Aren't you coming up?”

“Well, I promised you some venison now didn't I?”

“This late? Lieutenant, it's almost dark.”

“Best time of day to hunt for deer, yeah?” He winked at her and held out his hand for the gun.

That night the Lieutenant stood in his bell tower watching over the land.

He had to admit, at night like this, with only the cicadas chittering, the ruined world was beautiful still.

As much as he loved people, he enjoyed his solitude as well and with the stars in the sky and the land absolutely still, he was able to just think his thoughts.

“If it keeps on rainin', levees gonna break,” he sung to himself, wandering around the small perimeter of the bell tower, watching all sides for anything moving in the shadows below. Raising the rifle he peered down the scope at something that shifted, it appeared to be shrubs and the wind. “If it keeps on rainin', levees gonna break.”

In the woods he knew they were there, lurking, shuffling, ambling, tripping up and falling. Maws open to devour whatever they fell upon, hands clenched into death claws at their sides, the muscles having retracted and dried up in death.

“And the water gonna come and we'll have no place to stay,” he lowered the rifle as an uggie emerged from the woods.

It was just a shadow really, shuffling from the darkness, finding the wall with its chest, bouncing back and staggering to regain its footing. For a moment, the thing stood dumbly, head bent down, before it seemed to lift its chin and sniff the air.

It wasn't worth it for him to shoot the thing, his gun wasn't much use at times like this, the sound only drawing more to his location, but he liked to use the scope to watch as the dumb thing sort of collapsed against the wall.

From his perspective, he could only see the top of its head, but the manic bobbing told him it had caught their scent and was trying to find a hole in the wall to get at dinner.

Tomorrow he would have to reinforce the wall properly, a few sharp sticks, some hole traps, anything to give them an edge on the dead. He'd head into the nearby town to find something that still drove that he could back against the wrought iron gate.

He wasn't sure about that one, most of the time the vehicles didn't turn over at all. Having never pondered it, he supposed that maybe the gasoline had gone south. He knew it could stale, had tried to drive old lawnmowers enough times to know you had to drain the gas out from the tank if you weren't planning on using them for a good, long while.

Maybe he'd find one though. He only needed her to limp to the convent, it didn't need to win no races.

“Good morning, Lieutenant.”

He had emerged from the church the next morning to Sisters Dymphna, Felicity Perpetua and Mary Claire standing around the steps in the cool shade of the north side.

“Good morning, ladies,” he returned. “Aren't y'all not supposed to talk to me?”

“Only when Mother Mena's not around,” Dymphna replied, her brown eyes sparkling. “Are you heading out?”

“I was planning on doing a little work on the wall today. Did you need me to head out for something?” He asked, coming to stand in the little clutch with them. So far he had found the younger nuns more receptive to his presence than the older ones.

Except for Sisters Gertrude and Boniface, he adored Gertrude and her cats and Sister Boniface was a Quebecois French woman, so he felt a sort of kindred spirit in her.

“Maybe we wanted to do something for you for once,” Sister Mary Claire said with a smile that could brighten a stormy day.

“Something for me?”

Sister Felicity Perpetua, who had been standing with her hands behind her back, produced a child's lunch kit and held it out to him proudly. “We made you a lunch if you're planning on leaving.”

“You have to stay strong,” Sister Mary Claire added. “An army marches on its stomach.”

“Plus, you know, we appreciate you being here for us.” Dymphna added.

There was something sincere in their eyes, something which made the Lieutenant give a slight, unsure pause, before he accepted the lunch kit.

“Thank you,” he said. “I'm going to be just outside the wall working on it today, but maybe at some point I might hike it into the nearby town, see if I can find a big enough truck or some kind of van maybe.”

“What for?” Felicity Perpetua asked.

He motioned for the nuns to follow him towards the gate. They all stopped before it and he motioned with the hand holding his lunch at the rusty gate. “She's solid enough, but old and if enough of those things out there pushed against her at once she could go. I'm going to back a heavy girl up against her and reinforce it.”

The nuns were quiet for a bit, before Dymphna said, “I'm going with you.”

“Nope,” he declared firmly.

“Yes,” she insisted. “You can't go into the town alone with those things out there.”

“I lived this long on my own, I'll be fine.” He stated. “You nuns don't go anywhere outside these walls without me. My job is to keep you safe, your job is to make my job easier by staying here and being your cute little selves.”

“What if something happened to you?” Felicity Perpetua whispered. “My soul would know no peace.”

“Don't you have chores?” Someone asked from behind them, causing a couple of the nuns to jump.

Sister Thomas Aquinas, a stern faced woman of about seventy stood behind them, her arms full of blankets.

The three nuns all ducked out quickly, but not before Dymphna grasped his forearm with a strong, small brown hand.

Looking at him with a hard, glittering stare, the older nun seemed to be sizing him up for a moment, before handing him the blankets.

“Here,” she said. “We found some of these to spare. I thought you might like to keep yourself warmer up in that bell tower.”

“Thank you.”

“You're welcome,” she said tersely, before turning and walking off, muttering to herself about a 'fox in the hen house'.

He missed the days when he could go out into the woods and just sit and enjoy the peace.

Now, whenever he was in the woods, he was vulnerable and on edge. Always prepared for something to stagger out of the underbrush.

There was a time, when he was a boy, he'd duck into the woods by his rural home near Eunice, what wasn't swampy bayou, was pretty little woods filled mostly with cypress and oak trees, the forest floor was always good and moist, carpeted with the soft needles that the bald cypress trees shed.

The smell of the forest was always the way he found peace. That scent of good, clean country air, with a little harmless stank from the bayou, coupled with the scent of the damp earth. It was home sure enough and he missed it.

Georgia had it's own smell. Less bayou, more fresh water on the air. Rivers and streams and creeks. Nothing like the stagnant scent of the swamp.

He supposed, it was perhaps a little more fresher air, though it just wasn't home and that made all the difference.

Georgia was True Love Ways compared to Louisiana's Oh Boy, if Buddy Holly songs could be used to compare the two. Both good songs, though one was a little more melodic and slow-paced, the other had a bit more get-up-and-go.

“Boy, what are you doing to my wall?”

The voice came from above him on the wall and he looked up to find a furious nun standing there, swaying a little unsteadily in her habit and the mild wind.

“Just reinforcing it, Missy,” he said.

Philomena sighed. “We look like an ancient castle with these sharp sticks poking out.”

Stepping back, he admired his work and nodded. “Yeah, palisades, that's where I got the idea. Figured if it kept them old Celt tribes out, it'd work for us.”

“It doesn't look very inviting,” she muttered.

“It's not supposed to be a welcome mat,” he replied.

“Well, I suppose that's fine, just please don't hoist yourself on your own petard,” she said after a moment of thought.

He wiped his hands off and dug through his pack for the lunch the nuns had packed him. “You up there for a reason?”

“Sister Mary Claire says some of the younger nuns expressed interest in helping you outside these walls.”

“And you want to slap my wrist for tempting them?” He used the gate to climb onto the wall and sat beside her to eat his lunch.

“Not entirely,” she admitted, easing down a little clumsily beside him. “I think...well maybe you could be permitted to teach those of us interested in a few ways to defend ourselves from the abominations.”

Plucking a half a carrot out of his mouth, he crunched on the other half for a good long while. It was so delicious. He had forgotten what fresh veggies tasted like.

“Really?” He finally asked.

She stared off down the cattle trail before them, and he followed her gaze. The path was hung over with oak branches and Spanish moss, pretty for the late summer, but it was tainted by the dead. Always and forever tainted now. Somewhere out there in those pretty trees and green shrubs they ambled and shuffled and staggered and crawled, gnashing and drooling for their next meal. And somehow it worried him more to think about them in the broad daylight, then at night where all the boogins and monsters belonged.

He supposed those uggies all had hopes and dreams and plans set aside now for one thing and one thing only. Same as him, same as the woman sitting beside him, same as all the nuns in the convent behind them.

“Our wills and fates do so contrary run,” he began with a sigh, reminded by something she had said earlier.

Beside him Missy was quiet still, eyes on the world beyond her walls. “You're well read, for a soldier.”

“I'm sure you had to read Hamlet in high school too,” he teased. “A lot of it just stuck with me, I suppose. Don't be fooled,” he went on with a grin, “I'm just a simple country boy from the bayou.”

“I grew up in Savannah,” she said. “Have you ever been?”

“No,” he admitted. “Didn't get a chance before all this and I damned well won't go now. It'll be overrun.”

“We've been so secluded here,” she admitted gently. “I thought though, that someday I would be transferred out to a school or a...missionary, but I suppose this is my life now.” She hurried to add, “not that I'm complaining. I will bear this with grace, only that I miss the outside world, God's real world out there. Art and books, beauty created by the hands of His creatures, so much lost now.”

The Lieutenant stared at the woman as she continued to gaze wistfully out at the trees. He was so struck by how easy she made being beautiful look. “Has anyone ever told you that you that you look like Vivian Leigh?” He asked.

For a moment, the woman's face read irritated, then puzzled, before she finally smiled sweetly and looked down. “Tell me, Mister Lieutenant, is it nature or force that compels you to flirt with every woman you meet?”

“Sometimes it's not just women,” he teased.

“Oh!” She offered him a scolding look, though her face was still mostly smiles and amusement.

He beamed.

#here is the second chapter #you are all doing friggin great in helping me out #i have less stress because you have all helped pick me up #let's keep this going #and follow my ko-fi because i will post stuff there for reading too #please signal boost the new chapter guys #for your followers who may be reading this

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a-little-dreamer-s-world · 5 years

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A Singing Loneliness (Part 2)

Back at it again! I’m glad that quite a few of you seem to be enjoying this story as much as I am, though I will admit that I’m not sure how long I’m going to let it run for, but I’ll be doing my best. I’ll be reblogging this with the taglist. Hope y’all enjoy!

Warnings?: Eventual LAMP, Body Insecurity (sort of), Self-doubt, panic,

“Why can’t we stay here though?”

“Because! It’s not safe to stay in one place too long; you know this, Patton,” Roman huffed at the merman in his arms, his tail laced between his and Logan’s as they settled for the night. The three of them laid in an alcove within a great reef, the shipwreck they had been at in the earlier in the day laying somewhere in the distance.

“But what about the merman in the land vessel? It doesn’t sit well with me to leave him there,” said Patton, looking up from Roman’s chest as Logan’s arm unwrapped from his waist to touch Roman’s arm.

“Well, if he had decided to come out when you were calling him, then he could have joined us. But he didn’t and that’s his choice. But seriously—”

“I think we should stay here for a little while,” Logan interrupted, surprising the other two enough to look at him.

“You too, Logan?” Roman asked, disbelief written all over his face. It was rare that Logan didn’t side with him when it came to Patton and his admittedly impulsive decisions.

“Well, why not? There are not many predators around here, and the ones that are here are smaller than us. It would give us a good break and we don’t need to worry about food for a bit,” Logan explained, shrugging his shoulders.

Patton seemed ready to erupt out of their arms in excitement, but Logan saw the look on his face and quickly added, “But it would still be a good idea to stay away from the vessel. They’re unstable with decay, so any thump against it could cause it to collapse.”

Roman sighed as Patton deflated against his chest, saying, “Let’s discuss this in the morning. Figure something out then.” He leaned down to kiss of their foreheads, feeling Logan lean over to kiss his cheek and Patton kiss his chin.

The three would settle down down once Logan kissed the top of Patton’s head, closing their eyes amid the soft light filtered through the water with the rising moon.

Virgil awoke in his nest of kelp, just as alone as he was when he fell asleep. In his mind that was a bit of a relief; another day he could ensure he was still here alive and well.

He raised his arms above his head to stretch, his tentacles extending out with them. He paused to listen to his surroundings, nodding to himself when nothing unusual was heard. He pushed himself forward and squeezed out of his hole. Virgil placed a hand on a wall, allowing a small smile to loosen his lips.

This place had made a good home for him; it hid him from predators and it was a great place to hunt for food. Speaking of which...

Virgil licked his lips when he picked up the sound of scuttling in the sand. He swam as quietly as he could towards his exit, finding himself in the lower parts of the human ship. He chose his favorite corner and got into position, slowing his breathing as his skin started to blend into his environment.

Ten minutes and a snatch by his tentacles later, he was enjoying his first meal of the day with a decent sized crab. He leaned back against the wall and hummed to himself, thinking back to the day before. What was it like to be in a ‘pod’? Was it nice? Annoying?

...Loving?

He shook his head, looking down at the half-eaten crab before tossing it away from him with a scowl. No, he shouldn’t think like that. There wouldn’t be a chance that they would allow him near them if they saw what he truly looked like. He had scared so many others away with how he looked; might as well let the last look of him be somewhat pleasant.

He was about to float over so he could retrieve his crab when a sound made him freeze, his skin draining into a pale gray. A familiar swish of a large tail was approaching, and fast.

He sped back up into the hole back into the room he had laid in to talk to the pretty merman yesterday. He waited with baited breath, wondering why was he back. Or... no, it wasn’t him.

He watched as the merman with the royal blue scales came into the hull, glancing around. Was he looking... for him?

No! Pale Blue (Patton, if he had heard right the other day) must have left something here the yesterday, and he and Red didn’t notice either until they all realized it was missing. But then, he would have found it earlier in the day if that were the case. So then why...?

Royal Blue’s scales weren’t just that color as he observed him further. The blue would be interrupted by specks of silver scales, making him look like the night sky, on the rare occasion Virgil would be brave enough to go near the surface. His scales crawled up his spine and his arms, patches branching off like bubbles. He was longer than Patton, every move he made filled with grace and with an effortless agility he wished he had.

It was when dark blue eyes met his brown ones that he panicked and ducked out of sight, trembling as he anticipated for what, he didn’t know.

What he didn’t expect was to hear him hum.

Logan didn’t know why he was doing this, to be honest.

The three of them had split up to hunt for food, but Roman had made sure that he had Patton in his sights because they all knew if he had the chance he would go back to the sunken ship. Which left Logan to his own devices as to what he decided to catch.

While he didn’t necessarily share Patton’s sentiment over the concern of the strange merman, his curiosity was driving him crazy. Why did he seem so shy? How was he comfortable, or even able, to live in such a place that could come crashing down at any time? And where was his pod if there was one? Was he abandoned, waiting?

Was he a lone survivor?

Logan looked back to make sure Roman wasn’t following him as he entered through the hull, sniffing the water as he kept his ears open in case he heard the stranger. A fresh kill caught his nose, drifting closer to the half-eaten leftovers of a crab.

Now this was interesting; Usually, merman teeth and claws weren’t strong enough to cut through crab shell, but it clearly had been torn apart. He mused about this as he glanced up, but his thoughts took a grinding halt when he found dark brown eyes staring back at him.

His mouth opened in slight surprise as the stranger ducked out sight, a soft whimper being the only indicator that the mysterious merman had not left the ship entirely. His initial reaction was to swim up there and actually see him, but something about the whole situation stopped him.

What was it that Patton had told them about? His singing? He figured he should try it; that way, maybe this stranger would be more willing to come out.

He closed his eyes and started to hum first, finding the tune. He opened up his mouth and let out a drawn out note, the melody starting out like a lullaby. He had never had the confidence in his voice like Roman or Patton; instead, he sung soft, though that never seemed to bother the other two, even enchanted by it.

His eyes opened when another voice joined his, almost making him falter in his song. The stranger was just as Patton had described and more. He strengthened his song to keep him with him, relaxing into himself as the low voice drifted into his mind to memorize.

He let the melody taper out, giving the stranger a small smile. “You really are like Patton said.”

The other merman shuffled above him, acting a bit bashful. “I don’t know what you mean, sorry. What did he say?”

“He told us you were breath-taking, both in looks and in your voice,” he replied, honest and warm, unlike his usual matter-of-fact tone. He slowly inched closer, trying to seem inconspicuous in his movement.

The merman gave him a tiny smile, looking away. “I think he’s thinking too highly of me. I’m just... me, after all.”

“Really? Because I would have to say that I agree with him, Logan said, his smile growing wider as he saw his whole face turn a slight shade of pink. He failed to notice that his forearms had turned that color as well, even over the “scales”.

“So, if he’s Patton, then who are you?” he asked, Logan seeing those pretty brown eyes stare into his.

“I’m Logan. Why... Why won’t you come out?” He had already halved the initial distance without the other noticing, feeling his hand twitch with the need to touch his pretty face.

“I...I’d rather not, I’m sorry,” he said, backing away from the hole just an inch. Logan felt a lurch in his chest that he would disappear for good, and he decided to go for it.

Just as he floated closer with his hand outstretched, he saw the stranger’s eyes fill with panic (and was that fear? He had hoped not; for him to be the cause of such fearful look...), and he quickly ducked out of sight. Before he could anything, call out, go in after him, anything, he was met with something that made him sputter back.

Pitch black... stuff filled his vision and his mouth, coughing to try and get it out. Ink, he belatedly realized as his back hit something solid. He stopped all movement when he felt vibrations in the water, his own warnings of the unstable ship filling his mind. He cleared his eyes the best he could and whisked himself out of the hull to find his pod, find his safety, find his home.

As he swam off, his mind went to where all that ink came from. There must of been an octopus in there, and it must have gotten startled when the other merman had dashed off. But even he had to admit that no octopus produced that much ink, and that something in the back of his brain was flashing that something was off, he had to ignore for it now.

He just wanted his home.

What had he done?

Virgil groaned as he heard Royal Blue leave, ink trailing from him into the surrounding water. He forced himself to move out of the ship through a different exit, not wanting to be seen. He would have to wait before the ink cleared out.

He curled up on himself, grabbing his head. Stupid, stupid, stupid! He knew now, or if he didn’t he was going to figure it out. He would tell the others, and they would hate him, and he would have to move, and...!

He looked down at his skin, and once again he could see patches color that belonged to those three mermen. He was suddenly filled with anger and shame at himself; how dare he thought of them and their beautiful selves and even think he could be anything like them.

He was not fast or agile, he didn’t have claws, his skin was nothing like their wonderfully smooth scales. He was just... himself.

Tides, he hated himself.

He didn’t know what to do now; if he’d stay, they would confront him, maybe even hunt him, for lying about himself. For acting like something he wasn’t. He reached down and grabbed a tentacle, squeezing it as hard as he cold. It didn’t hurt all that much; he didn’t know if he should cry about that or what.

Finally, he sighed, letting go as his entire being turned a dull brown. If he were to move, where would he go? This was the best house he’s had in most of his life. So what if they decided to come for him? At least he could always hide away and keep quiet so they didn’t find him.

And honestly, if they did find him, could it even be worse than being all alone?

He glanced back up to his ship, remember the shaking it had done with Logan’s departure. He should probably be more worried about than he actually was, but even if it did come down, he could most likely make some kind of house out of it.

It was at that moment he wondered if he had ever called this place home.

With his weary shake of his head, he made his way back inside. Something made him pause, turning his head to look out into the open ocean beyond.

The feeling of the water around felt more... active than normal. He had felt this before; a storm must be heading his way. He idly thought how he would need to hunker down in the night in case anything else decided to take shelter in the ship.

Little did he know that it would be a storm that would change everything in his small world.

#sanders sides #merman au #patton sanders #logan sanders #roman sanders #virgil sanders #Goodness #this turned out to be about five pages #how did that even happen

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sketching-shark · 5 years

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Why The Alien Queen Is The Best Space Villain Ever

While James Cameron’s Aliens is a classic of the sci-fi/horror genre, I do feel a small plot summary is warranted in order to make my case of why the Alien Queen far outshines any sci-fi villain before or since.

So we begin the story with the discovery of Ellen Ripley, former flight officer of the Nostromo, a space ship that she blew up in her first movie to prevent a dangerous extraterrestrial carnivore/parasite called a xenomorph from getting anywhere close to Earth. Discovered 57 years after the fact (she put herself in stasis on an escape pod), Ripley is almost immediately thrust into corporate and emotional hell by double-whammy of both discovering her daughter had died while she was in stasis and having her flight officer license revoked by the Weyland-Yutani Corporation, who she used to work for. This is, of course, in addition to the trauma that she sustained at the maw of the xenomorph from the first film, and now besides being thrust into a situation where she has to scramble for a job she’s massively overqualified for and that pays dust, she has constant nightmares. So basically, Ripley has had her entire life ripped apart and ruined by the actions of the Weyland-Utani corporation and the xenomorphs, and all this in addition to her learning that the planet where her deceased crew first discovered the xenomorph is now home to a terraforming colony of 158 people. Yet soon after Ripley’s rough reintroduction to the living world, the colony goes completely quiet, with xenomorph-related activity being indicated as a possible cause. And guess who’s called in to help with that mess? But even with her xenomorph-related trauma and absolute distrust of the Weyland-Yutani Corporation, Ripley agrees to go with a bunch of space marines to investigate with the understanding that they’re going to destroy the beasties and not even attempt to study them.

Anyway, Ripley and a gaggle of space marines head down to the terraforming colony, and discover sure signs that there has been a xenomorph attack. Besides that, all the colonists have disappeared. They also discover a single survivor, a traumatized little girl nicknamed Newt. And THEN they discover that all the colonists were brought into a nuclear-powered atmosphere processing station by the xenomorphs, where they were subsequently forced to play tonsil-hokey with the first step of a xenomorph’s life process, a facehugger, which infects its host with a parasite called a chestburster (the name is quite literal), which then turns into an all-grown-up xenomorph. Terrifying process, and just as painful as it sounds! and And just when you’ve discovered THAT bit of info, the xenomorphs go on full attack, making quick work of quite a few of the marines. And THEN it’s discovered that this all came about because one of Weyland-Yutani’s sleazy money-makers, a prick named Carter Burke, directed a couple of colonists to the spot Ripley said the xenomorph eggs encountered in the first movie were, and all because he wanted to profit from the xenomorphs’ potential use as biological weapons. Why did he do this? Because the desire for obscene amounts of possible cash makes you both evil and stupid.

So the space marines and Ripley and Newt fight and struggle on, losing more and more members. The xenomorphs are RELENTLESS, neither taking nor giving quarter, completely determined, like a pack of overgrown ants, to end their foes/prey no matter what. Eventually, Newt herself gets snatched by one of the xenomorphs, and after arming herself with a flame thrower/machine gun combo literally held together with duct tape, Ripley goes to the rescue! And then, once Ripley has FINALLY found Newt, managing to save her just in time from a facehugger, you have The Reveal of our main nemesis:

And there she is. The source of all the horror (well, her and the Weyland-Yutani corporation), the one whose monstrous progeny have been hunting our heroes and threatening them with an extremely painful demise, and who, at this point in the film, have successfully merked almost everyone.

And how could you not love her/be terrified of her? I mean, just look at her! It’s rare to see a lady monster in fiction that actually looks like a monster (instead of a human woman with a tail and blue skin or smthn), but it’s even rarer, even now, to find one that is this vicious on every level. The movie has spent its runtime building up to this, and boy does it deliver. So here she finally is, living her best life, laying all those eggs, getting all those humans (the men, the women, the children...) infected with her chestbursters--and the movie does NOT censor how painful a death that is--and best of all, besides looking cool as all get-out, she’s not making a SINGLE excuse for all the death and destruction that she’s caused. As the android Ash said in Alien (the film before the one that features our queen), the xenomorph species of which our queen is a member are “unclouded....by conscience, remorse, or delusions of morality.” But having none herself, the Alien Queen expects none from her foes. The Alien Queen is presented as nothing but what she is, i.e. a voracious monster who wiped out an entire colony of human beings and condemned them all to a horrifying death. Not only does she not feel sorry for this in the least, not only does she make a grand effort to catch and destroy a human child in the climax, not only does she rip one of the characters in half in an incredibly graphic scene, not only does she try her damndest to kill Ripley in what can only be considered one of the most iconic sci-fi fights out there, but she does this all without a shred of remorse or a smidgen of painfully hollow pleading for her foes to understand where she’s coming from.

None of this “wah we wah I feel slightly conflicted about being incredibly evil so now you should feel sorry for me even though I’m literally complicit in multi-planetary genocide”!

None of that “A bloo bloo bloo Lisa I’m being torn apart by the fact that I destroyed half of all life in the universe (plants and animals included!) because I refuse to acknowledge that the reasons for environmental destruction might be more complicated than “population too big!’”

Time after time after time, we see villains like the two twerps above act like somehow they’re soooooo complex and tragic for committing all the atrocities that they do, and in between murdering way more people than the Alien Queen ever did, they spend way too much of their time blaming everyone and everything around them for the pain and suffering that is a direct result of their own actions. So these dweebs do have higher body counts than our Queen. But does that make them better villains? NO. I’m fully aware that I can’t speak for everyone, but personally I’d have a LOT more respect for them if they could just pull their heads out of their asses, acknowledge all the harm they’ve done, and either stop doing it and make reparations (don’t think that’s very possible after that level of destruction, tho!) or continue with their villainous ways in full understanding and acknowledgement of what they’re doing, no excuses, no attempts to justify the unjustifiable, just like the Alien Queen. Some might say that this is only because the Alien Queen, being a space parasite, doesn’t have the cognitive capacity to argue that she’s some sort of twagic figure for all of her murdering.

But you know what? GOOD. I’d rather have a space parasite that knows what it’s about then some jerk flipping through mental hoops like a pro gymnast in an attempt to find some shallow reason for why he’s not completely reprehensible.

And THAT, in my opinion, is why the Alien Queen is the best sci-fi villain ever. So to wrap it all up, the moral of this shitpost is: If you’re going to be a violently destructive space monster driven by nothing but your sense of superiority and selfish desires, at least have the decency to not pretend otherwise.

#xenomorph #alien #aliens #alien queen #kylo ren #thanos #villian #villains

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londonlovinglinguist · 5 years

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Metro: Last Light Review

I just finished Metro: Last Light and ohhhhh my god the feelings! I was a good little Ranger and managed to get the “Redemption” ending. Which left me in tears. So, here are my thoughts:

The Dark Ones Oh, boy. The little Dark One (I named him “Alyosha”) was a lovely and actually helpful companion for some really rushed and therefore not so enjoyable parts of the game. I loved his naivety and wonder, which reminded me a bit of Artyom in the beginning of Metro 2033. Idealistic, naive and curious about the world around him. I also found the Dark Ones to be not that creepy in the first game and really disliked the fact that the canon ending for Metro 2033 was the one were Artyom nuked them.

Pavel Morozov Boy, this is a hard one. I get that Pavel was designed to be likable, to make the betrayal really hurtful for the player (and therefore Artyom) but I did not expect it to work that well. Mind you, I knew he was going to betray me before I played the game (Thanks, tumblr). But it hurt. God, I loved him as a companion. With his smirk, stupid jokes, charm and (probably, probably not so) fake admiration for Artyom. His teasing on the Red Square broke my heart. I was feeling so used and angry but at the same time I wanted him back. So, well done writing this character in particular. No one but Pavel will ever have me stuck in continuous loop of “I love you but I hate you.”

Anna Now, moving on to something that was done badly: Anna (or, to be more specific: her character). First of all, I’m glad that in Metro: Exodus Anna seems to be a lovable, totally badass character who loves Artyom very much. But, during Last Light, I developed quite a strong dislike for her. The whole “rabbit” nickname was ridiculous and downright annoying. It destroyed the serious topic of killing the little Dark One. Every time she showed up I had the strong urge to roll my eyes. Her views on the Dark Ones and almost everything else were dismissive and arrogant. She reminded me of her father a lot (so, well done), whom I do not really like, either. Also, we really do not need to talk about that very weird, forced and extremely misplaced sex scene, right?! I mean, that was just cringy.

Ulman Oh, my one true Metro love. I want to know who made the decision to kill this angel off, so I can kick his/her butt! But seriously, why? Loved the beginning with him, which placed him in the role of the companion again (at least a bit). And that was that. Revolutionary idea: Let him be the kidnapped one Artyom has to save. Place him in the swamp church and let him get injured by the blast. Artyom witnesses one of his closest friends being dragged away by asshat Lesnitsky (do not fight me on this, Ulman and Artyom are totally best friends!). Of course one of the highest-ranking rangers would be leverage against Miller. No need to drag Anna into this. Artyom saves Ulman, we are spared of the weird sex scene (or get a cuddle scene for Artyom and Ulman, because they both need someone to hold them) and this extra quality time with our favorite ranger would make his death much more tragic, since the bond between the player and Ulman would have been stronger. Also, can we talk about how his death is mentioned? In the credits?! Definitely not enough. One of the main characters of the first game and we do not even witness him dying? Big no no! So, if you want to kill a character like this off, at least give the player a proper death scene.

Level design and enemies My thoughts while playing Last Light can be summarized like this: F*ck, f*ck, f*ck! I felt constantly underpowered, overwhelmed and scared. “Sundown” and “Nightfall” were stupidly frustrating because the level design was confusing but then again, it got better after I played it second time. The second part of the game felt very rushed in general which greatly overwhelmed me but then again, story-wise this fast pace makes sense. “Red Square” annoyed me because it is close to impossible to play non-lethal here (I found a video for this but was way too impatient, so I just killed them all, apart from Pavel). When it comes to the enemies, I am torn. Some of the enemies I liked (the shrimp, for example). The demons were downright annoying and more than once successfully attacked me when I was inside or under something. The mutant bear was overkill and unnecessary. The whole level was creepy and tense enough. Big Mamma was okay.

Plot I actually liked it. A lot. Replace Anna with Ulman during the kidnapping and I would call this a 10/10. With Anna it is a 9/10. God, I’m glad she seems to be an amazing character in Exodus. The Reds as the main enemy were cool and interesting enough, Korbut was a disgusting and therefore good villain. Interestingly enough I pitied Moskvin in the end, seeing him talking to a picture of his brother.

This f*cked me up Oktyabrskaya station. I mean, it was just terrible. Not in the sense of “bad” but sincerely upsetting. The sheer mass of corpses, the fire, the smoke. This really got me. I felt so disgusted and angry and helpless. Just think about it: They brought the virus there, which resulted in people dying a painful and messy death and then (because the virus was not fast enough), they just killed the survivors and infected off. Burned them alive.

Memorable moments (things that made me laugh, cry or shudder)

Khan lecturing Ulman about the dangers of smoking (Khans amused tone)

Speech of the Fuhrer after escaping the Reich prison (made me sick)

The whole airplane sequence

Pavel standing next to a tied up Artyom and not even looking in his direction while taking orders (f*ck you, Pavel)

The fisherman who gets Artyom to Venice (Lovely guy)

Teddybear

Confronting Pavel in Venice (Jesus, the tension)

Level design in the catacombs (so very eerie)

Little Dark One as a kid while talking to Miller in Polis (I think he is actually waving at the surrounding rangers)

Being dragged to safety by Ulman during the firefight (I just love this guy)

#metro last light #metro exodus #metro 2033 #review #i guess #Artyom #pavel morozov #Ulman #Khan #video games

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komahinasecretexchange · 6 years

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Title : Tumbling Through the Remains

Author : @himanochi

For : @sonneka

Rating/Warnings : G

Prompt : DR:AE AU or a Post DR3 setting where Komaeda and Hinata fight against Monokumas in the middle of an abandoned city just like it happens in DR:AE.

Author’s notes : So…this was the first time I wrote anything remotely combat related. I have no idea if it’s any good or makes sense. Which is also why I mostly went with the theme of DR:AE rather than…fighting Monokumas. It still happened! Just…not much. I’m sorry. I wish I would’ve had enough time to write my ideas for the other two prompts, but they got more and more detailed until it was just too much to handle. Still, all your prompts were great! And I really hope you’ll like this!

The sound of metal scratching against metal was grating to Hajime’s ears as he shoved the partially rusted crowbar into a Monokuma’s stomach, pushing down on his end to lift it up and tear open the bear’s head, crushing the program that controlled the robot in the process.

A flash of reflecting light got caught in the corner of his eye and he quickly stepped to the side. Not a second later, a sharp claw embedded itself in the concrete he had been standing on, accompanied by that all too familiar robotic cackling of a Monokuma. Its claw seemed to be stuck in the ground.

Hajime didn’t hesitate in thrusting the crowbar into the bear’s red eye as it moved its head to look at him. Sparks spread from the eye over the robot’s body, paralyzing it before breaking it entirely with a small explosive force. Hajime was almost caught in the blast, but could jump away with the crowbar in his hands at the last second.

Looking up, he made a quick scan of his surroundings.

The street ahead was blocked by a partially collapsed office building, a few dead bodies sticking out from under the rubble. It looked like the Monokumas from that direction had stopped coming. A handful of them was lying in the middle of the street, motionless or roughly taken apart by the crowbar Hajime had picked up earlier.

He turned around to see if Komaeda had been as successful on his end, just in time to see three more Monokumas waddling in his direction. Before he could take even one step forward toward them, from the corner of his eye, he saw a stone—not any bigger than a small pebble—flying through the air and hitting the Monokuma furthest away from him square in its glowing red eye.

The Monokuma toppled over, crashing into its two companions and pushing them down with it. Hajime wasn’t sure what happened exactly, but the moment both hit the ground, the telltale spark of a Monokuma’s weak spot being hit sent an electrical charge through them.

All three exploded at roughly the same time. He should be surprised…but he really wasn’t. Glancing over in the direction the pebble had been thrown from, he saw Komaeda stepping out of the shadow of a nearby building that was still somewhat standing.

Unsurprisingly, he was throwing and catching a few more pebbles with his mechanical left hand. He took a quick look around the area before focusing on Hajime as soon as he was close enough to be in earshot of him, “Do you think that’s all of them?”

“Seems like it. For now,” Hajime let his gaze wander over any possible Monokuma hiding places, but it all seemed clear now.

Komaeda made his way over to one of the torn open Monokumas that hadn’t been destroyed through the exploitation of their weak spot. He kicked against the useless piece of metal with his foot, stating after a short glance at its insides, “They’re not made by Towa.”

“Well, Souda did say this was part of his area,” Hajime shrugged. “Figures he’d been playing around with them during that time frame.”

If his senses wouldn’t have been as sharp as someone whose brain got tinkered with, he would’ve missed the way Komaeda’s brow creased the slightest bit and his eyes narrowed down at the broken machine in front of him. His muttering was loud enough to be heard without a genius brain, “That was too easy for Souda-kun’s standards, though.”

Hajime didn’t want to say anything, but he had to agree.

He wasn’t sure what kind of implications that left him with. Thinking about it didn’t seem like a good choice of action, though Komaeda had already beaten him to it and spoke his thoughts out loud, “Do you think they want to get rid of us?”

They being Future Foundation. Sadly, it was not out of the realm of possibilities. Especially since lately, more and more members of the Foundation got told about the survival of the Remnants of Despair. They had to know in order for the ex-remnants to properly help the rebuilding process.

It had mostly been alright in the beginning, but the existing tension was almost tangible by now. It was growing with every new member that got involved. Still, everyone back from the island agreed this was better than to live in isolation with the knowledge of what they had all done to the world.

Doing what they could to help out was the only thing that mattered for the time being. Even if the majority of people working with them threw them one distrustful look after the other.

It was only a matter of time until they would eventually get used to it, so it was fine. They simply had to keep pushing forward.

“We should get going,” Hajime brushed off Komaeda’s question. He took another quick look around before deciding to try the small alleyway that was partially covered with the floor of the collapsed office building. The opening was big enough to walk through.

He didn’t wait for Komaeda to give him any form of affirmation and made his way over, holding onto the rusted crowbar with a tight grip. Having a weapon wasn’t a bad thing when you were stuck in a post-apocalyptic city, searching for unlikely potential signs of survivors.

“I mean, they weren’t very cooperative when giving us this mission,” Komaeda followed him as he was walking through the alley, not giving up on the conversation that he started. Hajime didn’t know why he expected anything else from him. “The area report was really basic, too. And it didn’t say anything about Monokumas walking through the streets, either.”

“This is a rather unexplored area, so it only makes sense,” Hajime tried to refute Komaeda’s argument, but he couldn’t keep his voice from sounding a little tired.

Contrary to that, Komaeda sounded like an excited child on its birthday, “Hinata-kun, we both know they had to fly over this city with a helicopter before granting permission for ground exploration.”

He hated it when Komaeda was just right about things, which was way too often. The fact was that, yes, an air observation had to be done first. They should’ve known about the Monokumas.

“Plus,” Komaeda continued, “the only equipment they gave us was food for two people that can last for four days. It’s a ten days mission. Even if we do find survivors, they won’t survive for long.”

Hajime couldn’t keep himself from letting go of a deep sigh. He was sure if he turned around, the expression on Komaeda’s face that he would find was a big innocent smile. He didn’t want to see it.

Steeling himself for a full-blown argument, Hajime said, “I can’t say you’re entirely wrong about that, but saying they want to get rid of us is a bit much, don’t you think?”

“But it makes sense!” Komaeda had surely thrown his arms up into the air in a spur of emotion, “No one in their right mind would want someone like me to be part of their group, especially when it’s about something as delicate as the restoration of the world’s structure. Everyone knows I’m better at destroying things! And it’s no secret everyone’s scared of the basically god-like formerly called Kamakura Izuru.”

Hajime knew the words were coming, yet he did nothing to stop them. Neither Komaeda’s mention of Kamukura’s status nor his usual self-deprecation. Even though he wanted to prevent both more than anything else.

Komaeda wasn’t finished, “If I were gone, Future Foundation wouldn’t have to worry about their headquarters imploding for no reason just because I had a particularly lucky streak the past few days. And if you were to disappear, they wouldn’t need to fear being outsmarted by someone who can more or less read their thoughts without their consent. Not that either of it works that way.”

Not a lot of people knew about Komaeda’s type of luck—mainly the ones that saw the Killing School Trip broadcast by Enoshima’s AI—but practically everyone knew the kind of roles he played during the Tragedy. Not to mention that he still freaked out every person he talked to for longer than ten minutes.

When it came to Hajime’s case, however…well, the one red eye was usually enough to make anyone who looked at him feel uneasy in his presence. If they knew about the nearly countless talents stored inside his brain, they’d try to avoid him at every chance they got.

They were all scared of the potential things he could do to them, like controlling their decisions and beliefs through a simple conversation. Not to say that he couldn’t do that if he wanted to—oh no, he definitely could—but he wasn’t ever going to. It would give him a headache.

“I’m just saying,” Komaeda was still going, “it’s understandable they wouldn’t want to have anything to do with us. They’d rather have us die alone in this abandoned city, like the worthless garbage we are.”

This started to sound an awful lot like Komaeda’s mindless rambling. Spending as much time with Komaeda as Hajime did had taught him these instances were Komaeda’s most vulnerable moments. Something was hiding behind these words of accusation that didn’t sound like accusations.

Hajime tried to see his words from a different angle, from a different perspective. Instead of thinking about how Future Foundation viewed them, how would Komaeda view them in their place? It wasn’t the Future Foundation that he had to question, it was Komaeda.

He didn’t like the conclusion he came to, but he had to ask anyway, “Do you think they want us to die here or do you want us to die here?”

It was silence that followed. Even Komaeda’s footsteps stopped echoing between the walls of the alley and Hajime had to stop and turn around to make sure he was still there. He was, but his gaze was locked onto the ground, not moving a muscle.

Hajime, not knowing what to do, simply stood there and waited until Komaeda finally looked up again, meeting his gaze and opening his mouth to say…something Hajime couldn’t hear. The loud clapping of a thunder in the near vicinity drowned out the words Komaeda’s voice was forming.

Without any more of a warning than that, Hajime felt rain already trickling down his face and soaking into his clothes within seconds. Komaeda looked up at the sky, his expression utterly blank.

Hajime didn’t give himself any time to think about his actions as he took a couple of steps forward, grabbed Komaeda by his left hand, and broke out into a full-on sprint down the alleyway to find some cover from the rain.

Komaeda wasn’t resisting, but he wasn’t really running with him, either.

It probably took about five minutes to get to a building that might have been an indoor parking lot based on the handful of cars scattered around and the markings on the floor.

They stopped by a tipped over pillar near the crushed wall they entered through, Komaeda immediately sitting down on top of it with his elbows on his knees as his upper body toppled forward, catching his breath. Hajime was doing perfectly fine, though that was to be expected.

He waited for Komaeda’s breathing to regulate again before sitting down next to him, keeping a reasonable distance between them. The splashing sound of the raindrops hitting the concrete was now the only thing to fill the silence. It was better than nothing, he supposed.

The semi-silence continued for what felt like another ten minutes, but was probably a little less than that. Komaeda broke it with words said in a careful whisper, “I don’t know.”

Hajime’s head snapped over to him, but he had fixed his gaze onto the floor. Slowly, the cold of the rain soaking his clothes was seeping into his bones. It was probably the same for Komaeda, seeing as he began to wrap his arms around himself and started shaking.

Then again, Komaeda was known to do that whenever he had some sort of breakdown, too. He seemed to be more or less in control of himself, though. His words were still nothing more than a whisper, “Maybe a little bit of both?”

Hajime didn’t need to be a genius to know what Komaeda was talking about. He felt his heart crack just a tiny bit at the confirmation.

He could remember a night back on Jabberwock Island, where the sky had been clear and they watched the stars together from the beach. That night, Komaeda had told him he was scared he might die soon. Because he didn’t want to anymore.

It had been months since then and everything was fine, so Hajime hadn’t been worried. He had been quite happy about it, actually. Hearing Komaeda say that had lifted a weight off of his chest.

This was as if the weight had been dropped down again, punching the air out of his lungs. Before Komaeda could say anything else, Hajime beat him to it, “Did you lie to me?”

Komaeda didn’t even hesitate when furiously shaking his head as an answer. He still wasn’t looking at him, though, keeping his eyes on the floor as he spoke, “No. No, I didn’t, but—I’m still not sure if any of us really deserve to life after…everything we’ve done.”

Well, that was something Komaeda had been saying from the beginning. He stopped mentioning it after that conversation he had with Hajime at the beach, but apparently it was still a concern of his. Or maybe the recent tension with Future Foundation caused these thoughts to resurface.

Either way, Hajime could see how Komaeda was close to falling back into that mindset. He could feel the familiar worry begin to fill his heart.

Cautiously, he scooted over in Komaeda’s direction, though not by much. He didn’t want to startle him or anything. It felt as if he was approaching a scared animal, which probably wasn’t that far from the truth, but thinking that seemed a bit mean for some reason.

When Hajime was close enough that he thought he could try and reach out for him, Komaeda spoke up again, making him stop in the middle of his movement.

“I mean—” he paused, “Does anything we do to try and help really matter in the end?” He glanced at Hajime, just from the corner of his eye without moving his head, but his gaze was piercing as it was questioning—and maybe a bit scared, too.

“Don’t get me wrong,” he said, “I’m not doubting everyone’s abilities or anything. They’re talents are all useful right now, except mine. But… I just… I don’t know. I feel like there’s nothing I can do.”

Hajime took a moment to think it over, “Komaeda, you’re helping right now. You’re not doing nothing.”

“I know, but—” he interrupted himself, shutting his mouth with a clatter of his teeth. He turned his head, away from Hajime, muttering under his breath but still loud enough to hear, “You told me to always question and think about what I’m doing.”

The air got stuck in Hajime’s throat for a brief second. He remembered giving Komaeda that particular piece of advice. It was because of his dementia, and it actually seemed to help him hold back his compulsive behavior for the majority of time that had passed since then.

To be honest, he didn’t think about how it could affect Komaeda in these circumstances. Granted, he didn’t think he’d listen to his words for so long, either. Hajime dropped his hand that had been reaching for Komaeda, unsure of what to do.

Komaeda seemed to take it as a sign to continue, “I don’t know if I should be questioning myself in this situation, too, or not. But I do. And I don’t see how I could be of help to anyone.”

The rain was still falling, the sound of thunder in the distance.

A few minutes passed, carrying their silence. Hajime didn’t know what to do other than to stare at Komaeda, who was still facing away from him.

He wanted to say something, but the only words he could think of were a repeat of the speeches he used to give to all of them—that they had to try and move forward to create their own future. He could always try saying that again, but it didn’t quite feel like the right moment for that.

Something in the back of his mind decided to remind him he could just use one of the many talents he had now to easily find the right words with the blink of an eye, but he immediately rejected that idea. Komaeda deserved more than some calculated words. At least when he was talking to him as a friend.

The only other idea he had was to simply say whatever came to mind and, more or less, let his heart do the talking…on second thought, that sounded incredibly embarrassing.

…whatever.

To keep the embarrassment as low as possible, Hajime looked away, at the rain that was pouring down outside the parking lot, and started talking, “You know…that’s fine. Having doubts about this is fine. I’m sure everyone does. We destroyed this world, so who’s to say we can do anything other than that? We’re all just normal people at the end of the day.”

He said that, but he honestly thought he was more talking about himself right now than anyone else. It didn’t really boost the confidence he managed to put into his words, more like decrease it, but he had to keep going.

“Sometimes, it’s hard to push forward or to keep yourself from burning out or prevent any temptation of giving up to control your thoughts.” He hated how much these words were true for him, too. He was supposed to be their leader—for lack of a better term. He couldn’t be weak like that. Weak like the talentless Reserve Course student he still was, in a way.

He pushed the thought away, ignored it, pretended it wasn’t there.

He did his best to keep it all out of his voice, “But it’s all for a big thing like restoring the world. Every bit counts. And you don’t have to deal with the guilt and doubt alone, Komaeda. Make sure you’re in the right condition to keep going before you try to do so, alright?”

There. That didn’t sound half bad, did it?

Hajime turned his head over to Komaeda, only to be met with his grey-green eyes looking back at him. It caught him off-guard, made his heart jump up into his throat. He wasn’t that close…but still close. Hajime wanted to back away and lean further in at the same time.

The softness in Komaeda’s eyes prevented him from doing anything at all.

“You, too,” Komaeda’s voice cut through his thoughts, bringing him back into reality. It was surprisingly calm. As if he had been prepared to say that, which was only emphasized by the small smile he gave him. “Everything you said, the same goes for you, too, Hinata-kun. Don’t forget that.”

Hajime could do nothing but stupidly blink at him, the words echoing in his ears as his brain was processing them and what they meant. He still hated it when Komaeda was just right about things.

He didn’t know what to say. He wondered if this was what Komaeda had wanted to get out of this conversation, though at this point, it was pretty obvious that the answer for that would be yes. Of course, it would be. And, of course, Komaeda would be the one to see right through the wall he tried to put up every single day for everyone else’s sake.

Why did he even try to hide it from him? He felt stupid now.

As if he could read his thoughts, Komaeda’s smile seemed to widen just the tiniest bit. He reached out and took Hajime’s hand in his own—in his right hand, the one that wasn’t metal—and said, “It’s okay. We’ll work on it.”

That was the same thing Hajime used to tell Komaeda back on the island, when he was still unstable most of the time. It was the exact same thing.

Hajime couldn’t hold back a puff of air mixed with a chuckle, bringing an involuntary smile to his lips. He closed his eyes, shaking his head, and muttered, “I hate you, Komaeda.”

Komaeda simply continued to smile.

He squeezed Komaeda’s hand, his heart jumping up and down when the action was reciprocated. He didn’t want to let go for the rest of this mission.

#komahina #komahina secret exchange #fanfiction

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multiverseofmiracleshq · 5 years

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Where do we go when they’re gone? The question has been on everyone’s mind, even if no one knew the answer. A support group at the New Avenger’s Facilities attempted to try and help the survivors, but it wasn’t the cleanest of conversations as multiple personalities butted heads.

THIS IS THE OFFICIAL COMPLETE CHAT LOG COVERAGE OF THE IC

NATASHA: Steve was supposed to be leading. It would make the most sense, after all. He felt deeply and intensely. It was hard not to in the climate that they lived in, but Natasha knew he felt the failure prominently as if it was his fault. It wasn’t. It was all of theirs. That was why this group had been formed in the first place. The Cleanse Support Counseling Group, they had decided to call it. A group of people talking wouldn’t fix things, but maybe it would raise morale. Steve was supposed to be leaving, and yet, he wasn’t there. Natasha wasn’t sure why but he wasn’t and she wasn’t going to call him out on it. Instead she would fill in and do her best. Shifting in the front of the room, Natasha gestured to the rows of chairs that had been set up. A circle would have been better - more welcoming, they said ) but the amount of people suspected had stopped that from occurring. “Everyone can take a seat, and if anyone wants to speak up they can. We’re all here for the same reasons. We’ve either lost people to Thanos or felt something as a result of what he’s done. People need to express themselves, and this is your chance to do it.”

JULIAN: He'd kissed her. Like a complete and utter idiot, Julian had kissed Kate. And it wasn't some run of the mill peck on the lips, signaling an 'i missed you' like he'd try to play it off as....it was careful and delicate. Loving. All the passion they had built in their relationship that had abruptly ended came alive in just one kiss, and he couldn't stop thinking about it. As he drove her back to the Institute, they sat in complete silence, mostly because Julian didn't have much to say. Their relationship was nothing and he was going to have to face what happened between them eventually. But for now, he couldn't. He didn't know how. Pulling up, he put the car in park and got out, circling quickly to help her out of the car. She was only a few days healed and Julian had argued about letting her go, but Kate had made a good point. Someone would suspect something eventually. And she'd been insistent on going anyway. "Are you sure about this?" he finally said.

ROCKET: rocket scoffed from his seat, arms crossed and ears flattened back against his head. really, he was only here because his new ‘friends’ ( mostly thor ) convinced him to come. “can we go now?”

VALKYRIE: "Not now, Rabbit thing." Val frowned down at him. "This is important to Thor."

ERIC: Eric felt extremely uncomfortable coming here. He wasn't what anyone would call an open book and he normally just drank and broke stuff to deal with his emotions, not actually talking about them. Sure he helped work out his feelings of not actually being a mutant with Graymalkin and Blindfold, but that was about it. Sure, he lost people he knew from the cleanse but he got most of them back when the mutants all came back. What was killing him was his uncertainty. He couldn't help but think of his brothers he left behind and not knowing if they were still around. He sat in the back with his head lowered and his foot tapping. He doubted that he'd end up stepping up to talk but maybe this would help him figure out what was left for him to do.

KATE: She was fucked. Completely and utterly fucked. And not only because of the fact that she had been stabbed either. That also did suck, if she was gonna think about it. It was more that she had gotten herself stabbed and called her ex-boyfriend rather than her mentor, closest friend or actual boyfriend. Great job, Kate. Great job. She had gone to Julian on the 25th of January. It was now the 10th of February. That was way too long and she knew it but had no viable excuse. Taking Julian’s hand to pull herself out, Kate dropped it after a moment once she was upright. Her gut hurt but it was manageable. “I’m sure. We have to face everyone eventually and it’s been too long already.” With that she gave him one last smile and a squeeze of his hand before turning to slowly walk inside.

SUSAN: It was hard to be there. The last thing Susan wanted was to linger on the fact that Reed was gone and her family now lacked a husband and father, but she knew it was good for Franklin so she sat there next to her son with her head held high and the intention to not cry.

JULIAN: Julian followed behind her, keeping a bit of a distance. More than he had been since she'd called him. Maybe the guilt was finally starting to settle in, manifesting in the distance he put between them. What was his next move? As they entered through the doors, it was almost comical how easily he found Laura, and how difficult it was going to be to explain what happened. To tell her the truth. Giving Kate a final glance, he made his way over to her. "I didn't expect to see you here."

THOR: Thor couldn’t get himself to look directly at anyone in the room, even as he stood and began to speak. “It is difficult to form the exact words to fit how I have felt these past few years. But there is one thing I have been wanting to say all this time.” He paused, reaching down to something beside him to reveal Stormbreaker. He grasped it with both hands and glanced down to it, feeling himself tense. “This is the first time I have touched this weapon since that day. Even now, I cannot look at it and not see my failure. This was supposed to end Thanos. I was supposed to end Thanos, but I was foolish. And I am sorry I didn’t not stop our suffering. If I had been clearer of mind, this all could have been prevented. And not a day goes by in which I do not feel the weight of that.”

NATASHA: Natasha watched Thor carefully, remembering the moment it had happened. She had been pinned down but she had been there. She had seen the aftermath and the crippling silence that had occurred in the seconds after. "We all failed." She finally said. "Some of ours are more prominent than others. You feel. I feel it too, and I know others are there with us. We all could have prevented this and we didn't."

VALKYRIE: In an affectionate move that wasn't always the norm, Val reached out to squeeze Thor’s hand where it rested on the weapon. "You did more than many. That counts as well."

FRANKLIN: As Val spoke up Franklin nodded as he looked to Thor before his eyes rested on the floor. He did nothing that day to help the cause. He has all this power and when it mattered he was useless.

SUSAN: “I’m angry.” Sue finally spoke up. “Not at you, Thor, or Natasha. At myself mostly because we have all this science but still were useless. We could have tried and stopped him before he even arrived and it didn’t. I don’t believe in fair. It’s not logical. But I don’t know how to center my anger without negatively impacting my kids or my siblings or my team.”

RITCHIE: Ritchie had decided to attend the support group meeting in hopes that somehow his girlfriend would finally make an appearance there. She hadn't explained to him the reason for her initial absence, but Kate just sort of did that sometimes. Disappeared without warning. Only this time, it had been for far too long. Visibly tensing at the sudden unwelcome presence of Julian, Ritchie did the exact opposite of what his heart was screaming at him to do. He ignored Kate. Face knit into a bit of a scowl, he listened on, waiting for her to make the next move.

FRANKLIN: Franklin looked to his mother with some surprise. She finally said it out loud. He knew she was mad. It was hard to be such a powerful telepath and not accidentally pick up on those details. Franklin took a second to search for his words. "Mom. I'd rather you just open up about than me picking up on it. I know I'm pissed off about it. I mean what use is having a team with so much power but doesn't do anything when it comes down to it?"

DAISY: Daisy glanced to Sue and Franklin from where she sat. “Most of the time people tend to focus on grief and sorrow so much that we push anger off to the side-- but your worry about affecting your family? I understand that. I was sad and I was broken, yes, and we can’t ignore those-- but is there a single person in here who isn’t angry?” She looked around for a moment, then continued. “I was so angry at how unfair it all was that I abandoned my team. I left the people I loved. Because I couldn’t bare to hurt them, and make their pain worse. Anger has the potential to break people apart when we should be supporting each other.”

LAURA: She was sitting by Warren. After Julian had gone entirely MIA she had been torn between worry and wanting to respect his independence. Funnily enough, she smelled his scent before he entered. It was mixed with another unfamiliar one that had blood mixed in and when Julian entered she automatically tensed due to Kate being in front of him. Oh. “Why would I not?” Laura asked, voice remaining monotone. She wanted to glance towards Warren but resisted the urge so that her eyes remained on Julian’s face. “You did not return any of my calls for the last few weeks.” It was easiest to start there.

CRYSTALIA: It seemed pointless to be there. Yes, the Inhumans had suffered from the Cleanse but the problems being discussed here were not her own. Crystalia had gone and brought Luna, the child strapped across her chest as she sent a singular pointed look at Erik from where she sat next to Noh-Varr. “I’m really not. It’s more the general incompetence afterwards that’s been annoying.”

JULIAN: Julian took a seat next to her, tension remaining in his shoulders despite being near her. Since their time together in the red world, Julian had learned to take solace in Laura's company. Something about her demeanor eased him, but not tonight. "This isn't really for us." he said, letting his words sit between them as he tried to come up with some excuse. But alas, "There was an emergency. Kate got hurt. I was the only person around to help." he looked up at her, finally meeting her eyes. "I should've returned your calls." And with that, Julian reached out to place a feather light touch on her knee.

NADIA: Nadia had come to mourn the father she had never gotten the chance to meet. Having a friend who had lost someone as well ( even if Richard and Sam hadn’t been very close ) acted as a comfort. Head tilted to rest on Sam’s shoulder, she took in the crowd and listened to their words. “I didn’t expect this to be so sad. I’m glad you’re here.”

SUSAN: “Your father - Reed,” Susan choked out. “We went through a lot of impossible odds together. I knew statistically this would happen, but the sheer monument of it was a surprise. I like having answers. I think a lot of people do, and not being able to find them hurts. But you’re right, Daisy. We can handle pain in ways better than anger. It can just be hard to find out how.”

NOH-VARR: Noh looked to Crys for a moment. She was being cold again, but she had a point "Earthlings are emotional, Crys. You can't expect all of them to be ready to go right away. Although I do think we need to start handling things more efficiently. The universe failed, it's time to pick up the pieces." He meant no harm and his tone had a hint of kindness to it.

ERIK: Erik had done his best to tune out the noise in the room-- it was almost too much for him. And he hadn’t wanted to come, but somehow Jean convinced him and so now here he was. Crystalia’s short glare caught his attention as he sat there and his eyes flicked over to her and then to the baby she held in front of her. He didn’t say a word, but then he turned to Jean. “Are you going to speak at all tonight?”

LAURA: “We turned to ash. It is for us.” Laura’s voice didn’t fluctuate at all. She was angry, and a part of her felt betrayed. She didn’t want to overreact though, here in her first real relationship. “And yes, you should have. Even if she was hurt, it has been over a week. “You could have found a way to reach out.” When his hand dropped down onto leg, Laura shifted ever so slightly away to remove it. “What else happened then?”

WARREN: This room was tense, like that cliche of being able to cut through it all with a knife kind of tense. Warren had no plans to give a speech but at least he was present. As Julian walked in and sat down Warren watched him from the corner of his eye and did his best to not eavesdrop on the conversation between him and Laura. That was proving to be a bit difficult, but he kept his mouth shut.

JEAN: “I feel like I should.” Jean admitted. “But I don’t know what I’m supposed to say. I’m not angry. I’ve been confused, if anything, and that’s because of Other Jean. Do you think that it’s a good idea?”

KATE: Every movement was stiff. It hurt to sit down due to the moving of her midsection and Kate let out a slight hiss of pain. “I should have called.” She finally said. “I know, I should have called, and I’m so sorry. I got into something and it took longer to bounce back than I thought it would.”

CRYSTALIA: “Aren’t they? Noh-Varr is right, even if you don’t want to hear it. We have children. We need something to rebuild the world for them.” Crystalia said firmly.

SAM: Resting his own head gently against Nadia's, Sam unconsciously reached out to lace their fingers together. Despite the actual reality of his relationship with the elder Nova, emotion still threatened to spill over as he listened to the others speak, and he was feeling extra needy today when it came to human contact, "Right back at you." His smile still didn't quite reach his eyes, even though he knew Nadia couldn't see his face.

ERIK: Erik shrugged. “These people seem to be speaking of the first thing that comes to mind. I don’t see how you chiming in would make it any worse.”

JULIAN: "And I should have." Julian answered honestly. His phone had died, he'd been too preoccupied to charge it. He owed her the truth, but he couldn't bring himself to give it to her. "Nothing happened, Laura."

ROGER: Roger knew Jess was here, but like some annoyed middle school kid that just found out his crush didn't actually like him back, he was doing everything in his power to stay as far away from her as possible. He wasn't mad at her necessarily, but after finding out the family he thought had been relatively unharmed post-cleanse, was actually torn apart-- leaving him suddenly a father again? There wasn't exactly a For Dummies manual for that.

LAURA: Her head automatically went to the side as her ears specifically went to the beating of his heart. Lying. She knew it but she didn’t know if she should say something or let it fade away. “Would Kate say the same?” Laura finally asked. She wasn’t mad and her voice was calm. It was easier to remain emotionless.

NADIA: It was without hesitation that Nadia mirrored Sam’s actions and her fingers intertwined with his own. “You don’t have to pretend to smile, you know.” She said as she shifted her bare legs, free hand moving to tug her skirt down. “I love to smile but it’s too hard to right now. We get a pass this time.”

JESSICA DREW: It was time to cut the bullshit. They were there because they had lost someone in common. Jessica moved from her position by the wall to drop into the chair next to Roger. Leaning forwards to brace her arms against her legs, Jessica couldn’t help but snort. “Of course we’re angry. I lost my bloody toddler. Some of us aren’t doing very well at rebuilding the world because we’re barely making it by ourselves.”

RITCHIE: Refusing to make eye contact yet, Ritchie still caught the slight pained reaction Kate gave as she occupied the seat next to him. Of course it had been empty. Jaw clenching for a moment as he listened to her apology ( if you could even call it that ), Ritchie finally decided to respond, his tone clipped, "---we're not doing this here."

JEAN: “Speaking your mind isn’t always the best, and I’m honestly surprised Other Jean here even though it makes me a little more at ease. You could say something too, you know.” Jean pointed out. “You were there with me in the Soul Stone.”

KATE: “Now’s as fine a time as ever. It’s better than sitting here in silence while we act like you’re not pissed and I didn’t mess up.” She shifted closer to him even though it hurt, but she didn’t touch him. That would have been wrong. “You want to see where I was?”

JIMMY: Jimmy had been dividing his attention. Partially to the room, partially to Jean and Erik and partially on Julian and Laura. His he could smell his stress hormones. He was lying through his teeth. Even though Laura and Jimmy didn't really act much like siblings or really know each other something about this was really pissing him off. Brought back by Jean's words. "Why don't you both just speak up? Your both famous mutants and you were both in there. People will listen, won't they?"

JEAN: Jean shot Jimmy a quick look. She knew he was right, but still. He was on her team here and she was incredibly hesitant and a little bit scared. "I know they'll listen, which is why I'm even more worried about saying something."

ERIK: At Jean’s suggestion Erik fell silent, but after Jimmy spoke up he became tense and oddly defensive. “And what exactly would all these people gain by hearing tales of long lost mutants? We came back, and the people they all care about did not. My words would be wasted on resentful ears. What reason do they have to listen, Jean?”

JULIAN: He watched her move away from him, and Julian curled his fingers in, moving his arm back. "Yes." he swallowed. "She would."

NOH-VARR: Noh nodded, a slight smirk on his face. Having a princess on your side always felt good. "I know now's not the place for this but just think about it. If earth continues down this path you'll never evolve."

DAISY: “So maybe the lesson we all need to learn right now is take care of ourselves? I know I need that idea practically beaten into me before I’ll listen.” Daisy spoke up again, offering Jess and sympathetic look. “I’m so sorry about your son.”

SAM: Sam's forced expression melted back into a slight frown at Nadia's words, before fizzling out into nothing as he spoke up once again, voice a whisper over the others, "--I can't tell if this was worth it or not."

JESSICA: “Yeah, me too.” Jessica shook her head. “I let it ruin my life, and I’m sure I’m not the only one.” She sent a look over to Roger. “Let’s cut the therapy pretense. We all have emotions. Lovely. The alien and his baby mama are right. We have to do something here.”

JIMMY: "Well shit." Was all Jimmy replied before rolling his eyes and slouching further in his seat. He wasn't about to deal with that moody old bitch when he was already pissed about the pheromones Julian was putting off.

ROGER: “Well, maybe it'd be a bit easier if some of us were more open to accepting help from others," Roger muttered, loud enough that Jessica could definitely hear, despite the conversation progressing as he folded his arms over his chest.

LAURA: Laura bit back a groan. “I can hear your heartbeat tick. Jimmy can as well,” she gestured to her sort of brother. “And I’m sure Warren can as well because he has eyes.” Not that she wanted to drag Warren into her own problems.

NADIA: “Well,” Nadia winced. “I think it will be nothing if not interesting? Maybe we should have brought a snack. Do you have anything on you?”

JIMMY: At the sound of his name Jimmy snapped his head toward Julian and gave a small nod.

JESSICA: “Well, maybe some of us are doing their best but have bad emotional processors.” Jessica hissed back.

WARREN: “Yeaahh--” Warren leaned over for a second, taking the advantage to say something. “You might want to get a bit better at the whole lying thing, dude. Or just fess up. That could work too.”

JEAN: “Erik,” Jean gently let a hand rest on his arm and prayed it wasn’t too forward and wasn’t going to upset it. “You don’t have to speak. It’s our choice and I’m sure Jimmy will support us no matter what.” Easy on him, she shot telepathically to her teammate. This is hard.

JULIAN: "I was gone for a week." Over. "I didn't answer your calls, I didn't call you back, and I don't have a good enough reason." Julian glanced at Jimmy before continuing. "If I wasn't a little worried don't you think that would be worse?"

DAISY: “Okay, just hold on a sec--” Daisy stood up upon hearing Jess and Roger’s bickering get worse. “None of us here are perfect. We’ve all screwed up, we’ve done shit we’re not proud of. And with our jobs it’s sometimes hard to accept help-- or give help. Let’s ease up a bit, shall we?

LAURA: “Eleven days.” Laura automatically corrected him. “It should have been because you care about me, but I know that is a lot to expected. This is stupid, Julian.” She shook her head. “We do not need to cause a scene. I would rather there just be honesty.”

JULIAN: "You know I care about you." how did he keep this from spiraling? "I made a mistake. That doesn't change how I feel about you." I love you, you know that? I never stopped. "Nothing happened, Laura. She was injured, badly. We were holed up in an old estate that belongs to my parents. My phone died and I had no way of charging it. I couldn't leave her until I knew she was going to be okay. I can't change what happened, but I can't give you words that don't exist."

JIMMY: Jimmy gave a small grunt of agreeance as he heard Jean in his head but did not take his eyes off of Julian.

AMADEUS: Amadeus was getting real annoyed with everyone before Daisy spoke up. His vines stopped bulging as he took a breath and spoke up. "I'm with Daisy on this. We're here to mourn and work things out, something I know for a fact is super important. We can talk about what we're doing wrong and how to get back on track tomorrow, but tonight can we please just be here for each other?"

RITCHIE: Ritchie finally granted Kate a glance, but only for a brief moment, to give her a tired once-over. She was alive, that concern was gone. What emotion remained was only a confused numbness, and a fist that ached to meet Julian's face. For what reason? He didn't know. But he wasn't entirely sure he wanted to know either, "--nothing. I heard nothing. It's been over two weeks."

ERIK: Erik let out a stifled sigh and sat back in his seat. “There is nothing here but petty squabbles. But Jean--” He turned to her finally, appreciating her calmness. “Whatever you have to say would be far more beneficial than anything else said so far. Much more than empty words and disagreements. They should be grateful you are here.”

CRYSTALIA: “This all seems pointless.” Crystalia couldn’t help but intone. She had to rise to start bouncing the baby as Luna began to start to gurgle. “If you all want to talk about your feelings, you’ll have to allow one another to become angry. That includes you." She pointed a finger at Erik and Jean. "You're 'leaders', aren't you?"

SAM: Sam dug through his pockets absentmindedly at Nadia's question, turning up almost empty-- aside from a single bag of fruit snacks. "Oh, hey-- nice."

NADIA: “Share.” Nadia held out her hand and wiggled her fingers. “I was about to comment that it was good Amadeus hadn’t gotten involved. Never mind. If you need to escape, let me know. We can both fly.”

AMADEUS: "Because that's helped me so much in the past." Amadeus muttered to himself.

KATE: “It was less, actually.” Kate said before quickly regretting it. “But yeah, I understand what you’re saying. It was wrong. Here,” she tugged up the hem of her skirt to show off the grossly large bandage that still covered her abdomen. “I got stabbed. Badly. It was stupid but I went into shock. I called Julian and he took me to one of his estates. It took me a while to get back on my feet and sort everything out. If you want to ask me anything, do it.”

JEAN: Erik’s words reassured her. Jean took a deep breath and despite her fear stood up. “It’s not pointless.” She responded to Crystalia with a sharp look. “Some of us didn’t only lose people. We lost ourselves. I’m not the only one here who went through that --” There was Julian and Laura. Laurie. “We went through hell. The dead aren’t just gone, they’re suffering and that means something.”

ERIK: “If I am not mistaken, the title of ’Princess’ puts you in the very category you are speaking of.” Erik shot back. “So why don’t you speak up? Clearly you have a lot to say.”

NOH-VARR: Noh-Varr rolled his eyes as Erik spoke up. "What exactly do you think it is that she's been doing?"

CRYSTALIA: “My apologies. I hadn’t realized I had muttered. I said this was pointless.” Crystalia sent a demure smile over towards her technical father in law. “I am a leader, which is why I am not only here but speaking, as Noh-Varr has pointed out.”

LAURA: “Okay.” Laura nodded. “I believe that you care about me, but I do not believe that nothing happened. I am sorry that Kate was hurt and it was good of you to be a good friend, but I now realize that we should break up.” She stated matter of factly.

ROGER: Roger let out a bitter chuckle at the meager attempts being made to mediate. This clearly wasn't going to end well. And judging by the ever rising level of irritation with many of those speaking, the end appeared to be on its way there. Standing up abruptly but quietly, so as to not make a scene, Roger shook his head, addressing no one in particular "--While I appreciate the attempt to bring us together, but there was no way in hell this was going to work out. Now if you guys'll excuse me, I have to get home--" tears welling in his eyes, Roger shakily let out the last few words before turning to leave, "--to my daughter."

JULIAN: Julian felt his mouth close and his teeth press roughly against one another. What had he expected when he offered her excuses and half truths. "Two years Laura, is it that easy for you?"

JESSICA: “Your daughter?” Jessica shot up as well, already following Roger to the door. “What, did you get custody all of a sudden? Gerry died and you’ve gone and started paying attention to your own kid now?”

SAM: Sam watched on warily as a few of the arguments that had been brewing suddenly escalated. Leaving was becoming more and more enticing. Tearing open the bag before dumping half its contents into Nadia's palm, Sam shrugged, "---I'm kinda worried somebody might shoot us if we try."

LAURA: “No, of course not.” It actually hurt. Laura had been injured before but this was different. “But if you care about me and love her,” she titled her head towards Kate. “Which I know you do, then we should not be together. Especially if I was her replacement during the Cleanse. I care about you, Julian, more than I have ever cared about anyone. But if being in a relationship has taught me anything it is that I also have to care for myself.”

WARREN: Throughout the course of the evening, Warren had gone back to listening to different conversations here and there. The room wasn’t quiet and it wasn’t all supportive either, even though that’s what this event was created to be. Then he heard the words “we should break up” and his eyes widened. But he didn’t react any further-- he just started tuning in to what was happening next to him some more.

JULIAN: Julian pushed his fingers through his hair, unable to really process what she was saying. What she was doing. "I love you too." But not in the way he loved Kate. He knew that, Laura knew that, yet he couldn't stop fighting. "You were never her replacement, Laura. You need to believe that. I care about you in a different way, but that doesn't have to change anything."

RITCHIE: "Right, semantics I guess," a soft yet bitter laugh followed his words as he looked at her again and examined her wound, his gaze cold. I went into shock. And your first instinct was to call your ex? That didn't sit well with Ritchie. This entire interaction hadn't from the beginning. Debating whether or not he wanted to dive further, he decided confrontation was inevitable, "--did anything happen between you two while you were gone?" He wasn't an idiot, Laura and Julian weren't exactly having a silent conversation. Whether or not Kate would tell him the truth, now that was the real game, wasn't it?

JIMMY: It was taking a lot for Jimmy to keep his trap shut. It was his instinct to call out the punk ass Julian but it wasn't his place, yet.

ERIK: “Well at least you and I can agree on one thing-- that this has been pointless.” Erik replied to Crystalia. “Nothing I could say would change that.”

CRYSTALIA: “Don’t you care about your grandchild? Luna is all the family you have left besides Lorna, and from what I’ve heard she’s not only disinterested in you but crazy as well.”

NADIA: “If we get shot it’s because we are caught in the cross fire.” Nadia popped one into her mouth with wide eyes. “This was supposed to be a good thing. О Господи.”

LAURA: “I know.” Laura nodded, unable to hide the sadness that passed over her face. “I love you, too. I wasn’t sure I would ever be able to do that, so I thank you. We do not need a bad breakup, Julian. You loving me too is something neither of us should settle for. I like to think we can both find more.” She wanted to believe his words, so after a pause she nodded once more. “I will try to keep that in mind, but it does have to change. There is no way for you and me to end well.”

KATE: “Not semantics.” Kate sighed. “It’s -- it’s complicated, okay? I know that’s a shitty answer but it is. I can’t tell you why I called him, if it was muscle memory or something else. All I knew was that I was bleeding out and I had to call someone. It wasn’t you. I’m so sorry that it wasn’t.” Taking a pause, Kate took a deep breath and winced momentarily at the sting. “He told me he still loved me. We kissed. Nothing further, even though that’s more than should have happened.”

ERIK: ”Keep my daughter’s name out of your mouth!” Erik was standing now-- not quite yelling but his voice was harsh. “You and I are family but that does not give you the right to speak on my relationships. I care about your daughter, but I would not extend the same courtesy to you.”

ROGER: Roger stopped and turned on his heel, only about a foot from Jessica's face as he replied, his voice wavering ever so slightly, "Olivia's gone, Jess. I only found out this morning that Kalie's been staying with a friend's family since the cleanse. No one could find me in order to tell her both her parents weren't ash. But I have her now--- and shit father or not, I'm all she has left."

CRYSTALIA: Crystalia bent down and very carefully passed Luna off to Noh-Varr to free both of her hands. She couldn’t argue with the prick while holding his granddaughter in her arms. That felt wrong. “No, you and Luna are family. You and I have nothing in common because the version of your son I married is gone, just like the one here. You and I have [i] nothing [/i] in common except for her, and you are lucky to be in her life at all with the track record you have with keeping children alive.” Two down, one to go after all.

JESSICA: “Gone? Shite, Rog.” Jess ran a tired hand over her equally tired face. “And you really didn’t know? Do you have everything you need to take care of her? I have Gerry’s... I have some stuff in the apartment still. I couldn’t donate it. If you need anything, I can try and help even if you and I have been rocky. For her sake, at least.” For her sake because Jessica couldn’t admit that she missed Roger. It was easier to blame it on her own latent motherly instinct.

RITCHIE: Ritchie squeezed his eyes shut at Kate's confession. There it was. That sting that felt something akin to what he imagined Kate's wound was doing to her right now. The sting of betrayal. Sure, the term felt a bit archaic, but there was no other way to describe it. Ritchie had never been cheated on, to any degree, so the hurt was new to him. And it made him do and say some stupid things. "And what does this mean for us--"

NOH-VARR: Noh awkwardly took Luna and was afraid to move and that something would come out of either end and stain his outfit

SAM: Sam shoveled his half into his mouth all at once, leaning over to whisper to Nadia, looking almost like a distressed chipmunk, "---you wanna go grab some ice cream then head back home and watch some Star Wars?"

NADIA: “Yes! I’ve heard all about the war of the stars but never actually seen it. I want that one kind. Half baked. There’s so much going on in your mouth. It’s amazing.”

WARREN: Alright, so how was he gonna go about this? Warren had just listened to Laura and Julian break-up right next to him and now, even though the room was full to the brim with people, they were alone. He allowed for a few extended moments of silence, but after a bit he couldn’t take it anymore. “That was-- a lot.” He turned to her, trying not to be creepy but searching her face for answers. “Are you alright? Do you wanna-- I don’t know, head out? Feels like we don’t need to be here anymore.”

ROGER: Avoiding Jessica's gaze as he nodded in confirmation, Roger could feel his throat tightening, "I uh--- the last time we talked- didn't end great-- I just assumed she was mad at me." Shrugging, he shoved his hands into his pockets, unsure of what to do with his body as he fought off whatever emotion was continuing to slowly leak out, "-that would be-- that would be great actually. Thanks."

LAURA: Laura squeezed her eyes shut, determined to choke away the feeling of tears prickling at her eyelids. It worked. “I’m fine.” She replied without hesitation when she opened them once more, but she had a feeling it would not be easy to tell that she was not. How could she be? This was a feeling she had never had before. “I -- Yes. I think that would be best. I’ve never done this before.”

JESSICA: “You’re her dad, Roger. It wouldn’t matter if Olivia was mad at you. Kalie is lucky to have a dad.” Jessica would never apologize for having Gerry or doing it without a man. She could have filled his life with positive male influences that weren’t his biologic father. It didn’t matter much anymore though. “Of course. It’s not doing anything gathering dust and I have time on my hands. I s’pose some kind of outlet for this anger wouldn’t hurt.” It was funny how easy it felt to talk to Roger after all that had happened.

ERIK: Erik let Crystalia come closer as she spoke, his blood boiling. His eyes squinted as he looked to her and his expression was pure rage, but inside he felt his anger begin to mix with all that pushed aside grief and guilt. His hands clenched into white-knuckled fists at his side, and the chairs on either side of him slid a few inches in either direction like two magnets brought too close together. “I would advise you to not speak any further. Fine. We are not family. I feel no loss at the idea of our separate identities.”

KATE: “I don’t know.” Kate exhaled. “I wish I did. It’s all just been a lot recently. This still hurts like hell but I’m not going to blame it for my bad decisions. I ruin good things, just ask Noh-Varr sometime when he’s not holding a baby. Julian and I never really finished, but when you and I started everything changed.”

WARREN: Laura handled that situation way better than Warren thought was possible for anyone. Break-ups were notoriously not great, but she kept herself together. He just didn’t want her to feel any pressure to keep it all together just for the sake of it-- so he stood up and offered out a hand to help her stand up. “C’mon, let's get out of here. Got any place you’d like to be? I can get us anywhere you want!”

JEAN: “This has officially gotten out of hand.” Jean muttered under her breath. Get a hold of yourself! her voice rang out telepathically towards Erik. This isn’t worth it. SHE’S not worth it. Don’t let her provoke you. Please? For me? Tonight was supposed to be healing and I get that it’s not but we can just go. We don’t have to stay here.

SAM: Eyeing the door, Sam stood up suddenly, still remaining hunched over as he gently nudged Nadia, "--there's a corner store a few blocks away from here. And a pint of Half Baked with your name on it."

ERIC: "Not good." Eric said to himself from the back as he spotted Magneto and the Inhuman queen lock in an argument. Was X-Men vs Inhumans 2 really about to start?" He didn't know if he should try to use his telepathy to talk to Erik or if that would just make it worse. All of this was fun to watch in his shows but a nightmare up close.

ERIK: Jean’s voice broke through his rage-fueled trance and he whipped around to look at her. In that moment he realized how harsh his breathing had been, and he took in a breath before straightening up and unclenching his hands. Fine. He answered Jean mentally and then used his powers to move the chairs back to their rightful place, leaving Crystalia without a final look back. “I think it is time for us to go.” Erik spoke roughly, walking past Jean towards the exit and assuming she would follow.

JEAN: “You’re awful.” Jean spoke out loud to Crystalia before turning to follow Erik. “Are you coming?” She paused by Jimmy’s chair. “If you stay the ‘princess’ may go for you as well.” Leaving him to decide for herself, she jogged slightly to catch up with Erik. “Thank you. So much. I’m sorry to have yelled, but you needed to hear that.”

ROGER: Unable to keep himself from doing it, not caring about the possible repercussions, Roger reached out to envelop Jess in a hug, his cheeks wet. An I miss you was left unsaid. The time didn't entirely feel right. But this? An ounce of support from another person? God, did Roger need it. "--I'm sorry," he didn't know what he was apologizing for exactly, but those were the only words his tired, emotionally drained brain could muster.

CRYSTALIA: “I don’t care.” Crystalia rolled her eyes before gesturing for Noh-Varr to hand back her daughter. “I think it’s long past time for us to leave.”

JESSICA: At first Jessica flinched slightly, body remembering that no one had affectionally touched her since Gerry had died. Who would? Carol was gone and she had pushed everyone else away. If he had said what he was thinking she would have responded that she missed him too, because she did. It was why she was working with Ben again, why she had followed him out. Jess missed Gerry and she missed Roger and if she had the chance to reconnect with one of them she had to take it. What happened was not Roger’s fault. She never should have pretended like it was. Instead of apologizing Jess just leaned forward and grabbed him once more, hoping he wouldn’t notice her own wet eyes where they touched his shoulder.

RITCHIE: Ritchie sat in silence for a moment after Kate's last remark. He should've known better. Falling too hard too fast, you had to hit the ground eventually. "--I think we should take a break. From each other."

ERIK: “You have no reason to apologize, Jean.” Erik reached out and pushed the door open with his powers, holding it long enough for Jean to make it through and amazingly having enough restraint to not slam it closed behind them. After a few moments he realized how fast he had been walking and slowed down to let Jean join him at his side. He was still tense, but the anger was at least subsiding. “I do not want to think about what would have happened if you had not been there. If there is someone to be thanked, it is you-- not me.”

LAURA: “Anywhere but here.” Laura admitted. She couldn’t be there anymore. The emotions were coming and she had no idea how to process them. She would get through it but once again she hated the newness of it all right after she thought she figured it out. “Can we fly? I do not care if we go anywhere. I just want to fly.”

JIMMY: "Yeah, one sec." Jimmy replied to Jean as he pulled himself up out of his chair. He looked at Crys for a moment. It wasn't out of rage but rather he wished he could understand what was going through her head. After a brief moment he followed behind Jean. Still a bit behind he looked to Laura and Warren. Warren seemed to have things under control for now, figured he'd be able to help her better than Jimmy could. Jimmy then power walked to catch up to those he came with.

KATE: “Okay.” Kate said even though her voice wavered. She deserved that. She had hurt him. Not the other way around. Kate didn’t get to be the sad one here. “I’m going to go,” she replied shakily as she slowly heaved herself to her feet and wished once again that her face could have hidden the pain. “I’m sorry, Ritchie. Have a nice night, okay?”

NOH-VARR: Noh gingerly passed Luna back to Crys. "I've been waiting for you to say that for the past twenty minutes." He replied as he stood up.

JEAN: “I feel bad for suggesting we came here in the first place.” She wrapped her arms around her body to try and unsuccessfully block out the wind chill. Once Jean caught up with Erik again, she stopped and looked around the deserted sidewalk. “You would have stopped. Those things you used to do? You don’t do them anymore because people change. Besides, Crystalia is a massive bitch but she’s Luna’s mom. You’d never take that away from her.” Turning to Jimmy, Jean gave him a tired smile. “I think we all need to go home. My head is pounding. Hello a bunch of angry thoughts.” They had been bombarding her all night but Jean didn’t want to make it about her when it wasn’t.

ROGER: Letting the hug continue for a few more much needed seconds, Roger finally pulled away, swiping under his eyes with the back of his sleeve as nonchalantly as he could, "--I really should head out though, left Kalie with uh- Julia. Don't know how well that's gone," Roger let out a halfhearted chuckle, "You're welcome to come with?" He asked, still wary, but much more open after their genuine exchange.

JESSICA: “I thought I already was.” Jessica managed to get out a small laugh. “And who’s Julia? I’d offer you a nanny recommendation, but you were the only one I had, so. Why don’t we get coffee and grab the kid? It’s been a long night.”

RITCHIE: Ritchie didn't look up as Kate left, instead getting up himself, and quietly turning to leave through a different door on the other side of the room, chest heavy with guilt and sadness all the while. What other option had been available to him? Suck it up and move on? No. They were way past that. The only path now was to move forward, whether that meant on one path, or two entirely separate ones.

WARREN: “Yeah, of course.” Warren’s smile was soft as they left the room-- specifically using the exit opposite the one Erik and Jean and Jimmy all just marched through. Once they were outside Warren was finally able to let loose, stretching out and flexing his wings after they had been cramped up during the meeting. After he was done he let them droop, white feathers dragging lightly against the ground as he stepped towards her. “I know all the places with the best views. Perfect for those times when you don’t really want to think about anything.” He offered out a hand. “You ready?”

LAURA: Laura couldn't help but smile slightly at the sight of Warren's wings in full force. They would always be beautiful. "Of course." She took his head, ready for him to lift her.

ROGER: Roger grinned, despite his gaze remaining glassy, "That sounds great actually." Following the remainder of the crowd that had started to disperse, Roger gestured with a head nod for Jess to join him, his chest already flooding with warmth at the thought of getting back to his daughter at home-- with a familiar face in tow.

ERIC: Eric watched as the room cleared out feeling entirely unfulfilled. He thought this would be therapeutic and that he'd finally be able to talk about his brothers and work out his emotions. Guess it was just another of life's disappointments. With that he made his way out the exit. Felt the sting of the bitter cold on his cheeks and took flight to go back to the institute alone.

#imevents #event: therapy session one #therapy: chatlog #momevents

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secondsofhappiness · 7 years

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I have 10 anons all commenting the same issues about this storyline (thank you so much for your messages as always) and I don’t want to clog up my dash so I’ll post them in one post and this is my response to them all :)

I’ve made it clear how I am really struggling with this storyline and I have seen so many excellent critiques written in such a balanced and constructive way and that’s the best way and I appreciate them so much.

In short, I don’t understand the purpose of what they’re trying to do. There is ZERO HOPE in this storyline (and that isn’t the Emmerdale I know and love) and it feels exploitative in more ways than one.

So I get exactly what many of you have said - there’s little to hold onto in terms of happiness. There is no part of this entire storyline (except perhaps that Vic is a sweet, perceptive and compassionate soul) so far that provides any hope. If anything, the more we learn, the more depressing and hopeless and entirely miserable it becomes…

- the purpose of this direction - what the show wants to achieve at the end of this - the show’s awareness of what they’re currently doing

I have EVERY respect for the show tackling difficult and contentious subjects and I have spent years and years applauding them for it and thoroughly enjoying it. They always do it well (with very few minor exceptions) because they weave the difficult stuff in with the lighthearted, never forget the village warmth and always provide hope even in the bleaker or darker storylines.

My earlier posts about this storyline were very positive because I have experience through my work with prison violence and homophobia in prisons and I think it’s a very important and worthwhile story to tell. I had no issue with Aaron going to prison and serving his punishment either as I felt it could be a way for him to grow up and realise the consequences to his volatility.

That said, the homophobia aspects were difficult and tough to swallow but were well done… until they included G*rdon and the childhood abuse issues. That is no longer a story about homophobia in prisons. Yes, the fact that G*rdon as a man is relevant so perhaps due to G*rdon’s actions, Jason instantly targeted him but that’s not about someone being gay, it’s about someone being a sexual assaulter etc. The homophobic language and singling out is continuing which is a good example of the near constant oppression prisoners face. That could have and would have been enough of an issue to explore.

I have talked about how I find this situation twisted and I mean it sincerely. It’s the first time in 22 years that I have ever felt uneasy watching this show.

That’s not a good thing.

I have reached a point after tonight’s episode where I have almost become a little apathetic. That’s not like me at all and not like my normal reaction to the show, especially not to these two characters.

The direction of the storyline feels sensationalised for shock value and unnecessarily capitalising on an actor who can sell any scene/storyline. Use Danny! Have him on our screens always! He’s a truly wonderful actor but Aaron is a character to focus on, to nurture, to respect. He is a character people took into their hearts from day one and it feels he has been forgotten in this, his history used as a tool to create drama and shock.

I wanted to watch the show deal with the difficulties of prison life in an Emmerdale way. I wanted them to raise the issues, to show their seriousness, to have Aaron realise that he has to grow up because this life in prison could be a constant reality for someone who doesn’t take responsibility for their actions, for Rob and Liv’s relationship to be tested but strengthened, for Rob and Aaron’s relationship to undergo the same test…

That could all be achieved without half of the issues this storyline is dealing with.

The timing of it is perhaps something the show didn’t necessarily want but had to live with due to Lucy and Isabel’s commitments but the timing wasn’t so much of an issue as the story of two people in love being torn apart is a classic one, a one everyone can get on board with because it’s tragic but full of longing and desperation. People enjoy that and I would have. So I don’t mind that its post-wedding.

What I do mind is the inclusion of issue after issues after issue that so far don’t seem to be serving a purpose. Aaron can realise the harsh brutalities of prison life in many ways but the show chose to capitalise on his abuse when omitting it would have made NO DIFFERENCE to this storyline at all. Taking out the scenes yesterday would have no effect at all. The homophobic taunting and abuse and even violence would have been enough to tip Aaron over the edge to feeling desperate but no, the show chose to reawaken the abuse storyline, to have Aaron tortured, to use phrases that suggests a recreation of abuse scenes, to comment on a survivor’s ‘want’ in terms of their abuse, to suggest the abuser caused the abuse, to place them in an environment where their abuser/father committed suicide, to take an abuse survivor back to feeling those situations, all while contorted in an abusive way by the person who confessed to driving the abuser to taking his own life.

The purpose of that is unclear and I struggle to see how a valid purpose can be provided other than it was for shock value.

Aaron faced with homophobic abuse and violence and even drug use (which I also don’t have a problem with on the surface - except for a lack of inclusion of Adam/ recognition of Holly but the show may use this later) would have been enough to have him leave prison rocked to act and to grow and to seek help. To take an abuser back to his abuse in such a violent, graphic and consistent way is something most wouldn’t get over nevermind someone of Aaron’s significantly fragile mental health.

I was genuinely disappointed in the show and I can remember maybe two occasions in the past where I have even felt a fraction of that and neither came close to how I feel about this current storyline.

Add in the Rob of it all. Now, Rob is someone with a chequered past, someone who has never carried a relationship without cheating. He has a history that would make anyone uneasy about dating him, let’s be real. He has also travelled a path of learning and change and love. He has found family and home and has worked hard to better himself. When you take a character on a path like that you can never expect perfection. We all enjoy Rob being Mr Shifty and appreciate his morally grey moments (as long as we don’t turn him into a serial killer) which is why I didn’t have too many issues with the November kiss or the hat trick comment etc, all of those moments were moments in his path to find himself and were explained in a way that made that obvious aka November kiss was Rob using Rebecca blatantly but coming to realise he cannot act the same way as he used to when scheming now that he has Aaron and commitment.

I appreciate that Rob will make mistakes and I love that about him. I never expect him to be perfect or to be an angel and I hope they never remove that harsh, acid tongued, snobby, ruthless, slightly insensitive edge from him. That said, the spoilers indicate that he makes a pass at Rebecca (and I’m not getting into the debate about what is cheating and what isn’t or even what the spoilers are suggesting because I feel intentionally trying to kiss someone is cheating and who knows what the spoilers are suggesting). Why is this necessary?

What does it add?

Except to squash the excellent bi rep conversation they have sprinkled in here and there (and see my other posts for my comments on using Rob as a voice for bisexuality because that has its own issues) or to regress Robert from his current position.

To date, Robert’s journey is the best thing about this storyline. He has shown commitment, awareness of Aaron’s feelings (planing a commitment ceremony pre- prison to provide stability, allowing Paddy to visit in his place to keep up Aaron’s spirits etc), humanity and to see him miss another person to the extent that he can’t sleep the same and is worried and stressed and pulling himself in every direction is so new and interesting for the character. To see him descend a little into this hole he has to drag himself out of is a great storyline. It’s long overdue for Rob to be treated with sensitivity and humanity where his emotions are concerned and it’s refreshing.

We don’t need a cheating storyline to depict Rob’s state of mind or his deepening sadness or stress. They’re piling it on each episode - finding out about drugs & violence, caring for a difficult suffering teenager, caring for a kid who isn’t his, running 2 businesses, refurbishing a house, dealing with vandals, working alongside legal rep on an appeal, coping without his partner, feeling helpless to support his partner… the list is endless and significant.

What does cheating (or attempted cheating, whichever you prefer) achieve?

It is sensationalising and used for shock value. Pattern?

Much like the addition of the abuse storyline, it adds nothing. In fact, much like the abuse storyline being included, it makes the post- prison era darker and less hopeful. It confirms Aaron’s worries about Robert’s commitment when this was the foundation for his stress and melt down pre- assault. That feels cruel and unnecessary with the requirement that it has to be handled at some point and that will provide a significant blow to the already fragile relationship - because they haven’t healed from their last argument, they have merely focused on the good pre-court. Ultimately, it adds a significant responsibility onto the show to handle it well because by failing to deal with these two issues cheapens their most beloved couple, cheapens the characters development (both Rob’s personal development and Aaron’s semi pride and surety post trial)…

If the show has a good intention then it is not obvious and I struggle to see the justifications for the choices they’re making. I adore this show. I love it dearly but I feel less and less enthusiastic about the current content for this storyline because it’s far too much, it is no longer enjoyable because I can’t see the wood for the trees and for a storyline that could have been wonderfully character driven and could highlight the issues in a hard hitting it sensitive manner has chosen crassness, cheap drama and has risked excellent work that has come before.

I am well aware I’m watching a serial drama. I’m well aware that I am watching a medium that thrives on drama. But I know my show and I have watched it most of my life and I know what it is capable of and what it does best and this is not it. You only have to watch the sheer stunning beauty and heart ache of Ashley’s dementia storyline to see how you handle something sensitive but serious in a way that honours the characters, the issue and the show itself. I’m just sad that this storyline could not have been handled in a similar way to achieve the same resonance.

#emmerdale #uncharacteristic pessimism #robron #prison pain #tw: abuse violence homophobia #spoilers #ed rambles

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seriouslyhooked · 7 years

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Way Down We Go (The CS Mixtape) Part 148/?

Series of CS oneshots inspired by music. Collection on FF Here.

A/N: Reader request for Emma going through the stages of grief since Killian is gone (in 5x21). It’s sad in the beginning of course, but it will extend that scene of them finding each other in the cemetery and include more of a break between them reuniting and going to Granny’s to face the music. Rated M (like a truly good reunion scene should be). Goes with the song ‘Way Down We Go’ by Kaleo.

Emma Swan had seen many bad days come and go before, but standing here in the Storybrooke cemetery as they lay Robin to rest might just be the lowest point of her life so far.

She’d just gotten out of hell – or the Underworld rather – but the misery awaiting her here was so much worse than anything they’d faced down there. Even if they’d been trapped in a hell scape run by a lunatic, at least Emma and Killian had been together. She’d been terrified of getting everyone back alive, but the fact that her family was whole again still had meant something to Emma, and their presence protected her from the worst of the fear. Up until the moment when Killian sent her back on the elevator and away from him she’d had hope that they would make it. There was this certainty in her heart that Killian was her ‘one.’ Finally after a lifetime of searching she’d found her chance at romantic felicity and then it was gone.

She should have known it would never work. Love that lasted might be in the cards for her parents and for a handful of other couples in this town, but Emma was different. Whether it was her being the savior, her troubled past, or just her personal hang ups, love wasn’t something that came through in the end. Even when she’d found the perfect guy, the one person in the world she could be totally herself with, Emma still lost out. Add to that the fact that she knew that the love she and Killian shared was true, and Emma was gutted. Not only was Killian gone, but so was that not so little bit of magic he’d brought into her world. She’d had everything just at her fingertips, only for it to be ripped away in an instant.

“We’ve already had more time than we were ever meant to.”

Those were the words from their goodbye that hurt her most, the ones that rang out in Emma’s head and clawed at her heart over and over again. They were pain in its truest form, the last shred of hope ripped apart and torn from both of them, and they were never far from Emma’s mind, not when she’d been fighting like hell to defeat Hades, or when she’d come just a few minutes before the rest of the mourners today to bring her pirate back his flask. She was never without Killian, but she was also so terribly and inconceivably alone.

And honestly, it didn’t matter that right now she was surrounded by her family. Her parents, her son, her friends… they were all here, all standing here grieving Regina’s version of a happy ending, which had also been tragically taken, but Emma couldn’t even process that. Her own wounds were too fresh, her mind too numbed to all outside things. Emma was trapped in her own misery and unable to find a way out of it.

Killian made her promise not to close back up again when they were down there too, and though she’d vowed to give him that, Emma never realized how impossible that would be. She was supposed to keep her armor off and to be vulnerable, but she knew it would never happen. Everything hurt right now, her emotions were all frayed to a point of frenzy, and the thought of even making it through the next five minutes pierced her heart to a painful degree. How would she make it to tomorrow? To next week? To any kind of future where Killian just wasn’t…

Keep it together, Emma. Everyone needs you to be okay. Henry needs you be okay.

Emma gripped at that thought like a vice, but as she stood here, knowing that everyone expected her to pick up the pieces somehow, she felt like even taking her next breath was an impossible challenge. It felt as if all the pieces that she needed to make sense of her world were gone, scattered and broken to a degree where she didn’t even know what to do. Emma was trying so hard to cling onto the things she still had, the people that Killian had gotten out of the Underworld and saved so many times, but it was hard. No one had the answers on why it had to be this way. No one knew how to help Emma put herself back together, because no one truly understood just how deep her love ran.

Killian hadn’t just helped her find her home time and time again. He wasn’t just the guy at her side when she saved the day. He was the one person who without fail was there and there for her. Even in her worst moments, even at the times when she was lashing out and pushing everyone away, Killian remained. He persevered through all of her tests and he was supposed to be… he’d promised he was a survivor, but now he was gone. The man who didn’t break his promises to her had finally done it and the raw wound of his unintentional abandonment was too substantial to fend off.

“I hope we never again have a day like today,” Emma’s mother said, cutting through Emma’s internal thoughts and bringing her back into the moment.

It was just the two of them out there now, standing over Robin’s grave as the others had already moved on. Emma hadn’t really meant to stay here, she was just so caught up in her own world, and her feet wouldn’t move from this spot. Leaving this place felt like admitting defeat, and though she was trying with all her might to let go and accept what had happened, Emma was still holding on to this tiny shred of denial. All of this couldn’t be real. Maybe she’d wake up and find it was all a bad dream. But as the tiny drops of rain fell down in the somber, quite cemetery, hitting against her mother’s umbrella, Emma admitted that those hopes were unfounded. This was their reality, and she had to keep putting one foot in front of the other or she’d end up getting more innocent people killed.

“Me too, Mom,” Emma replied, her voice coming out as a choked out sound she didn’t even recognize.

“I know what you’re thinking, and this is not your fault,” her mother said, and though she didn’t acknowledge that directly, Emma knew rationally her mother was right.

They’d all made their choices, and at the end of the day it was Hades’ evil that had torn Robin from his family too soon, and had dashed the hopes Killian had of returning here with all of them. Emma had played no part in that cruelty. She hadn’t forced Robin to help her rescue Killian, though she’d appreciated it tremendously. But for Emma the worst part was she hadn’t had a chance to say thank you to Robin. They weren’t close, but he had been there fighting alongside the heroes too and she wanted to think that it wasn’t too late. Somehow he could hear her thoughts and know she was thankful, even when it had all come to nothing more than a few more stolen moments for Emma and Killian in the Underworld.

“I just want to say goodbye alone if that’s okay,” Emma whispered and her mother nodded, showing some mercy and not pushing any further. Snow left with a hug and with a gentle reminder that they still had to meet everyone Granny’s, and then she turned to go, and Emma was left in the deafening silence she was fast growing accustomed to.

Yet where Emma expected to be totally undisturbed out here, a sudden burst of something pushed her over with a force that nearly knocked her to the ground. She gasped aloud, trying to regain her bearings before figuring out what the hell that was, and then she heard it. Her name called by the one person her heart needed most in this moment.

“Swan?”

It can’t be, Emma thought to herself before turning around, but she couldn’t help but look. Even if she knew that they’d left Killian behind in the Underworld and there was no way out but for him to move on, she couldn’t believe it. But then she turned and he was there. Her Killian was there, looking at her with a mix of love and awe that sent the first pang of hope she’d felt since the moment they said goodbye on that elevator. He was here! Killian was here!

“Killian?”

Running to him, Emma still didn’t know if she believed it. Maybe she’d gone crazy, maybe this was rock bottom and she was insane, but then his arms were around her and she could feel that familiar warmth and her lungs filled with that rich sent of rum and leather and Killian that came whenever he was near and she almost cried right there. She’d thought that was gone forever, but it wasn’t and neither was he. This was too vivid and real and wonderful to be her imagination. The details were too right, and the proof too undeniable for her to doubt that Killian was back.

Their lips found each other then in an eager kiss, one that had to come before the words of everything Emma was feeling. She was still too rattled and in many ways numb because of everything the past few days had brought her, but thanks to the feel of his hand and his hook against her, and the way Killian met her in this kiss, Emma began to believe again. Her hope returned in full force and suddenly all that sadness and sorrow was changing into a white-hot sense of light and love that couldn’t be denied. The tears remained, as did the tightness in her throat, but gone was that miserable feeling like everything was lost, and finally Emma was beginning to feel like things might actually be okay.

“Oh! What – how - how are you here?” Emma asked, not knowing how she managed to get the question out at all. She was so torn between continuing to kiss him and telling Killian she loved him so much she felt like a part of her had died with him. But Killian’s eyes shone with that glint of understanding and so much affection that she couldn’t help but smile in the face of it.

“Zeus – he must have sent me back, as a reward for helping defeat Hades” Killian said, laughing as Emma moved to kiss his face over and over. The sound of his laughter made Emma’s whole body flood with warmth, and she needed to hear more of that lightheartedness, because she’d believed it was gone for good only moments ago.

To say that this way of embracing Killian was not her usual style was an understatement, but screw normal when the man she loved so truly was back. Killian’s returning to her was a miracle – this was one of the best things that had ever happened to Emma in the whole of her life– and Emma wasn’t hiding anything or holding a single element of what she felt back. She was done with that, and she silently swore to herself that the days of denying how much she loved this man were over. Emma would never again take what they had for granted, and she’d never stop wanting to hold Killian close and keep him as near as she possibly could.

“Ah! I mean, what?!” Emma asked, squeaking out the question as the multitude of thoughts spinning around in her head began to take better shape. Zeus? What the heck did Zeus have to do with anything? But even as she wondered, Emma didn’t need those answers. All she really needed was to keep convincing herself that Killian was really back and in her arms again.

“Zeus, you know, the ruler of the Olympians, the most powerful -,”

Killian was likely to go on with that little mythology lesson of his if Emma didn’t interrupt, but she couldn’t help herself, pulling him back in for another kiss and feeling the moment all thoughts of his answer melted away. Killian was just as consumed with everything they’d both believed to be lost as Emma was, and it made this reunion all the sweeter.

“I don’t care,” Emma whispered against his lips, still clinging to him with unrestrained passion. “I don’t care how you’re here. I’m just so glad that you are.”

“So are you,” Killian said with a sigh of relief that Emma felt down to her core and she hugged him close wanting to grant him the same liberation from the fear of their separation that he’d given her. “I’m so happy you’re all right.”

Emma’s heart clutched in her chest, because of course that was his answer. Only Killian could be trapped in the Underworld, doomed to a torturous state of solitude and limbo for an unspecified amount of time, and worrying about Emma over himself. She’d told him not to let her be his unfinished business, but maybe his unyielding ties to her were the way in which he’d been able to return. Emma couldn’t contemplate it all now, but in the back of her mind she wondered if Killian’s happy ending wasn’t a place or a thing, but just her. Perhaps that was how Zeus had been able to bring him back, but whatever the reason for Killian’s return, Emma was grateful. She had the man she loved in her grasp once more, and she had never been so happy, even given the sadness that the rest of today had brought.

“Not all of us are,” Emma said, pulling back and looking into Killian’s eyes before casting her glance across the graveyard and back to Robin’s grave.

She continued to cling to Killian, holding him close for a moment in the quiet that fell upon them, but then eventually she filled him in about the extent of Hades deception and vindictive actions.

“It’s a shame,” Killian said, when Emma had finished her summary. “He was a good man, and a good father. He deserved better than that kind of ending. He deserved the happiness he was so close to finding. I’m sorry, mate.”

The last part, Emma knew, was whispered to Robin specifically, and Emma felt fresh tears streaming down her face at Killian’s words. Emma could see a hint of pain in his eyes. Knowing Killian he was likely blaming himself in some way, but she wouldn’t let that happen. Emma would not give in to the sadness again. So instead she put herself out there and made herself vulnerable in her own goodbye to Robin.

“I don’t know if there will ever be a way to make what happened to you right, but you have my word that we’ll do right by your legacy and by you. You won’t be forgotten, Robin, and we’ll make sure the kids and Regina are given every chance to find happiness even though it all seems so impossible now. And no matter what Hades said, I know you’re still here somehow, watching out for them and for all of us too. If anyone could find a way to do that, it’s you.”

The slow and steady movement of Killian’s hook over her back soothed Emma as she wiped away her tears and looked from the grave back to the man she loved. She felt calmed by his presence, centered for the first time in so long, and now all she wanted was to rejoice in what was still possible for the two of them. Mourning could come later. Right now Emma wanted them both to just feel this love between them and leave the rest of it aside.

“Let’s go home,” Emma whispered and Killian’s soft smile returned as he kissed her temple and held her close. Yet where he likely expected to walk together, Emma had other ideas. She didn’t want to waste any more time and so with a poof of her white magic she transported them back to the house that he’d found for them months ago.

It was strange in a way, because this home was filled with so many memories, most of them not that great, but Emma believed as she led Killian up the stairs by the hand and into the room she’d always wanted them to share, that they could wash those old scars away. They didn’t have to run from the bad in their past. Instead they could embrace what had happened and realize that they were beyond that now. They’d conquered those demons and still they stood, together where they truly belonged.

“We don’t have a lot of time – but I just need…” Emma trailed off, not even knowing what to say.

What she needed was Killian and he was here, which was amazing. But the ache that had been slowly hollowing her out since she left him in the Underworld wasn’t totally gone yet. It needed something, some form of healing that she knew Killian could provide, but there was just too much emotion for Emma to wade through. She was being pulled in so many directions and Emma had so many wants and needs, yet the world around them was spinning on. She just wanted it to stop for a while so she could revel in Killian’s being home, but…

With a gentle form of silent command, Killian tipped her chin up to look at him once more. In the midst of her worries Emma had cast her glance away, but the simple look that Killian bestowed on her in this moment was enough to ease some of the lingering tension away. There was so much love right there at the surface, and Killian didn’t try in any way to shield what he was feeling from her. He was giving and open and earnestly awaiting Emma to tell him what she needed.

“Whatever you desire I’ll grant you, Swan. Just say the word.”

Emma closed her eyes and rested her forehead against his, breathing him in and letting herself steady for just a moment. This was a good start, but her hands gripped at his vest and she held on tight, not wanting him to slip away if she let go.

“I need to know you’re here and you aren’t going anywhere.”

Killian pressed a kiss to her lips lightly and with such care that it almost hurt, but then his mouth wandered down her chin, across her neck, and back again. With every brush against her skin, Emma felt more and more like they were headed in the right direction. The two of them together could wash away this pain and get back to where they were always supposed to be. It would just take a little time and a whole lot of love.

“I’m here, Emma, and there’s not a force in any world or any realm that could take me from you again.”

Killian’s whispered words against her brought forth such a rush of emotion in Emma that she couldn’t linger in the gentle any longer. Instead she moved to strip away all the clothes separating Killian from her view, and though her hands shook from the force of her emotions, she was determined to shed everything between them.

“Show me,” Emma pleaded, knowing she sounded desperate but not caring. The ache inside was too strong for her to tarry longer on quiet consolations, and because Killian knew her as well as he did, he caved to her wants, helping to get them both bare and maneuvered to the bed in quick succession.

“I’ll give you what you need now, love, because I’ve been away from you too long to resist taking everything you’ve offered. But there will come a moment when time is on our side, and when it comes, I plan to be a bit more meticulous in my attentions.”

Emma smiled at the lilt of teasing under the intensity of his promise as her body hummed in approval of this new idea. Slow and sensual had always paid off for her and Killian in the past, but right now she needed hard and fast reassurance that those darker days of their recent history were behind them. And they were, because no matter what came next Emma knew that she could handle it as long as Killian was here and her family was safe.

The shift of Killian’s actions from soft and sweet to demanding and insistent was fuel on the fire of Emma’s need for him. She was surrounded by his presence, feeling the hard lines of his body so damn close as he hovered above her and made love to her mouth with his own, but when he pulled away and started to move lower and lower Emma groaned. It felt so impossibly good, and every mark he left on her from the scruff of his beard or the scratch of his teeth on her bare skin helped wash away the emptiness she’d been feeling for so long. But this wasn’t what she’d expected. He’d promised fast and yet Killian was stalling, even if it was in the most amazing way.

“What happened to taking me without all the ‘meticulous’ attention?” Emma asked, her voice breaking slightly when his mouth made its way to one of her breasts and his hand came to toy with the other.

“I promised that I’d give you what you need, Swan, and this is exactly what we both require.”

Giving over to the sensations that Killian so expertly elicited, Emma let herself go for the first time in what felt like ages. She held nothing back, knowing that there was no one in this house but them and every zing of pleasure he sent through her body was rewarded with words of affirmation that tumbled past her lips. Over and over again she told Killian how she’d missed him, how she wanted him, and how she needed him with her. She didn’t want another day to go by with him doubting in anyway how she felt, but then the words were lost when he’d trailed lower and lower and his mouth came to her sex.

The second that he kissed her there Emma was mindless, and though she knew Killian could have sent her over the edge in no time, he played her body in a way that built the already intense desire even more. Honestly Emma had no choice but to feel this full and reverberating warmth that he bestowed upon her with ever lick and suck and nip. It was as if he’d lit an inferno from the inside out that burned away all that darkness that had come when he was gone, and only when she pleaded with him to give her more did he finally send her over the edge and into a blindingly brilliant bliss she’d worried was gone forever.

As Emma came back to herself, she felt Killian paying reverence to her over and over. He lingered over every curve and dip of her body and she heard his whispered promises too. Promises that he was hers and that this was real, and every one of them was beautiful enough to bring tears to her eyes. When he was back above her again, her hand came up to cup his cheek and she felt the need to tell him one last thing, something she’d only ever said in times of struggle or fear.

“I love you, Killian. I love you so much more than… well more than I can ever say, and I can’t lose you anymore. So please, please stop… getting lost.”

It wasn’t the most articulate way to say what she was thinking, and if she’d had more time to dwell on it Emma might have regretted the way she phrased her want for him to stay, but there was no room for regret. Not when Killian’s eyes filled with so much hope and happiness that it took her breath away.

“I will never tire of hearing you say that you love me, Emma,” he replied, his voice filled with the tautness of real and true emotion. “And you have my word that from here on out I won’t be straying from my post, which is right here with you.”

“Good,” Emma said, pulling him in for another kiss and then feeling that perfect sense of completion when he thrust home and filled her with his hard length.

The connection they achieved was sublime, climbing higher and higher until they were both of them nearly at the peak and clawing to get there. But it took Killian’s whispered ‘I love you’ and a plea for her to let go for Emma to crash into climax again. When she gave way, Killian followed, and in the aftermath of that Emma finally felt like things were as they should be. She had hope once more in the possibility of a future worth fighting for, and she owed all of that to Killian.

“You came back to me,” Emma said quietly as she lay tucked into Killian with her hand placed against his chest. She could feel the heartbeat he’d been missing when in the Underworld just underneath her fingertips and she closed her eyes, letting herself appreciate just how miraculous his return really was.

“I will always come for you, Emma. Always,” he promised as he kissed the crown of her head and pulled her closer. The gesture was so soothing that Emma let the final part of her doubts be free between them, knowing that once she said this she could let go of those thoughts forever.

“When you were gone I kept wishing so badly that I’d wake up and find it was all a dream. There had to be some mistake – some explainable problem I could fix and make it better. I couldn’t believe that was how our story was supposed to end. But then… then I wondered if maybe this was what I deserved.”

Killian tensed immediately underneath her and the gruffness in his voice gave away all that he was feeling. “Emma, love, that’s simply not true.”

Emma leaned back up to kiss him again both because she couldn’t let the opportunity to do so pass her by, and because she needed Killian to listen to everything she had to say. Emma had to get this out, and to make him see what she’d been feeling and how he was the one who gave her the strength to see the world differently. Killian had to know that to her he was a hero, and that he’d saved her from so much including herself.

“I know that now. But I went my whole life believing that I wasn’t worth loving, Killian. I didn’t have anyone until Henry found me and brought me home and it wasn’t until you that I believed love like this was even real or could be possible for me. You made me believe, and then I lost you. But even though you were gone, you were the one who kept me going. I had to trust that because you loved me I wasn’t this terrible person even though I felt that way, and even though I couldn’t see how, I knew deep down you’d still find a way to bring me happiness. You’re always finding a way, I’m just so happy that the way you found kept us together.”

“We’ll always find a way, Emma. That’s how our love works.”

“You promise?” Emma asked, knowing that even without the explicit vow, Killian would live up to those words. The two of them, Emma had to believe, were destined for each other, and for a life that would be happy and well worth the wait.

“Aye Swan. I promise,” Killian affirmed as he pressed a final kiss to her lips and circled his arms around her once more, holding her tight and surrounding her in a circle of love that Emma would never again be without.

…………….

Oh, father tell me, do we get what we deserve? Oh, we get what we deserve

And way down we go Oh, way down we go Say, way down we go Way down we go

Whoa, you let your feet run wild Time has come as we all go down Yeah but for the fall—oh, my— Do you dare to look him right in the eyes?

'Cause they will run you down, down 'til the dark Yes, and they will run you down, down 'til you fall And they will run you down, down to your core Yeah, 'til you can't crawl no more

And way down we go Way down we go Say, way down we go

'Cause they will run you down, down 'til you're caught Way down we go

Whoa, baby, yeah Whoa, baby Baby Way down we go Yeah

And way down we go Way down we go Say, way down we go Way down we go

Post-Note: So I want to start by thanking the lovely reader who asked for this chapter and who thought of it with this song. It has long been a favorite of mine, and it really did work for the whole Underworld arc, so thank you for sending that bit of inspiration my way. I also always wanted not just a more elongated CS reunion, but also a moment where Emma thanked Robin. I know the show never made them close by any means, but it felt like Emma, even for all her pain, would have said something about being sorry for his death. At least that’s how I always saw it. Anyway, thank you all so much for reading and I hope that you all have a lovely weekend, and a good rest of your day!

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10,Part 11, Part 12,Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19, Part 20, Part 21, Part 22, Part 23, Part 24, Part 25, Part 26, Part 27, Part 28, Part 29, Part 30, Part 31, Part 32, Part 33, Part 34, Part 35, Part 36, Part 37, Part 38, Part 39, Part 40, Part 41, Part 42, Part 43, Part 44, Part 45, Part 46, Part 47, Part 48, Part 49, Part 50, Part 51, Part 52, Part 53, Part 54, Part 55, Part 56, Part 57, Part 58, Part 59, Part 60, Part 61, Part 62, Part 63, Part 64, Part 65, Part 66, Part 67, Part 68, Part 69, Part 70, Part 71, Part 72, Part 73, Part 74, Part 75, Part 76, Part 77, Part 78, Part 79, Part 80, Part 81, Part 82, Part 83, Part 84, Part 85, Part 86, Part 87, Part 88, Part 89, Part 90, Part 91, Part 92, Part 93, Part 94, Part 95, Part 96, Part 97, Part 98, Part 99, Part 100, Part 101, Part 102, Part 103, Part 104, Part 105, Part 106, Part 107,Part 108, Part 109, Part 110,Part 111, Part 112, Part 113, Part 114, Part 115,Part 116, Part 117, Part 118, Part 119,Part 120, Part 121, Part 122, Part 123,Part 124, Part 125, Part 126, Part 127, Part 128,Part 129,Part 130, Part 131,Part 132, Part 133, Part 134, Part 135, Part 136, Part 137, Part 138, Part 139,Part 140, Part 141, Part 142, Part 143, Part 144, Part 145, Part 146, Part 147

#captain swan #captain swan fic #cs fic #cs ff #cs fluff #cs angst-lite #cs smut #emma swan #killian jones #mary margaret blanchard #captain swan mixtape #cs mixtape #the captain swan mixtape #cs oneshot #way down we go #prompted fic

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justanotherwannabeclassic · 7 years

Text

Finding Neverland (4/?)

Summary: History has a funny way of repeating itself. Juliet Jones learns this the hard way as she finds herself thrown decades into the past, and tasked with ensuring that her parents fall in love. (CS movie redux) Notes: Y’all sure are worried about what’s going to happen to Gideon! You’ll find out this chapter! And maybe a little hint about what’s to come. As also, sections breaks indicate POV changes! Tagging by request: @fictional-redheads @poetic-justice-96 @rolandsdimples @superchocovian @midnightswans Read on AO3. Previous Chapters: [1] [2] [3]

She’s read the books, heard the stories. The loss of her father’s first love sent him on a centuries-long revenge quest. The tragedy of a lost love sent Regina down the path to becoming the Evil Queen. Her grandmother split her heart in two as not to be separated from her True Love. Her mother marched into the depths of hell to save hers. When she had been younger, Juliet had occasionally – and morbidly – wondered what she would do in that situation. Surely she wouldn’t become a villain if she lost the person she loved. But being as young as she had been, she could also hardly imagine loving someone so much she’d be willing to spilt apart of herself. So what would she do? But now, as she watches a Lost Boy swing down his sword toward Gideon, Juliet Jones knows one thing: she’s not quite ready to find out.

Terror courses through her veins, running her blood cold and breath short. She can’t think properly, but moves on instinct, throwing her hands forward to save him. Juliet feels the magic spark in her fingertips, and she presses it outward, praying to whomever would listen that it will be enough. The Lost Boy is thrown back, sword in hand. For a moment, the entire world freezes, all eyes on her. Tears prick at the corner of her eyes as she surges forward, ignorant to the rest of the world around her. Gideon lays on the ground, skin pale and sweat blooming across his brow. His shirt is torn, and there is a long gash across his chest.

“It’s only a flesh wound,” he says, a poor attempt at humor, but Juliet can see the fear in his eyes. From somewhere behind her, Juliet can hear Pan call for a retreat, and the next thing she knows is that her father is by her side. She wants to throw her arms around him, beg him for his encouragement. But it’s not him, not really, and he stands mutely next to her, his expression grim. He expects Gideon to die. He won’t. He can’t. Juliet’s hands hover over his chest as she tries to remember how to summon healing magic. Healing spells have never come easy to her. She’d always taken for using power over precision. Robin was the healer, not she. But Robin isn’t here, just her. Closing her eyes, she channels all the hope and love she can muster, and she heals. Gideon gasps as her magic stitches him together. She continues the spell until she’s sure it is complete, and when she moves her hands, he surges up to kiss her. It’s hard and messy, and her family is watching them, but Juliet doesn’t care because he is alive. They break away, both sharing twin grins, and it is then when Juliet grow more cognizant of their audience – and the fact that her family is staring at them with expressions of confusion, anger, and fear.

-/-

“Why didn’t you tell us you had magic?” Regina demands.

“No one asked,” Juliet replies. Emma watches from the sidelines a Regina interrogates Juliet. Juliet crosses her arms over her chest, clearly doing her best to exude an air of authority. “Besides, it wasn’t relevant.” She fails, and Regina bristles.

“Wasn’t relevant? We’re on a rescue mission to save my son, and you decide not to mention something that could help?”

“To be fair, you all were discussing using us as cannon fodder.” Emma feels Hook shift uncomfortably next to her as Juliet throws a pointed glare his way. Emma, herself, isn’t sure about how she should feel in the moment. It’s definitely suspect that Juliet never admitted to having magic. And it bothers her that this young woman has abilities that could have better assist them in the quest to find Henry that she’s stayed mum about.

And yet, Emma isn’t sure if she could necessarily blame Juliet.

Emma’s still coming into her own abilities, and she knows that she would never announce the fact that she is magical to strangers. Tactically, as their prisoners, it also makes sense for Juliet to have kept one trick up her sleeve, especially in the case of possible being used as cannon fodder. “Does lover boy have magic, as well?” Regina asks, as all eyes fall on Romeo. “Yes,” he answers, but he pushes back the sleeve of his sweater and lifts his arm. Adorning his wrist is a cuff. “But I don’t use it. I don’t want to, so I wear this. It suppresses the magic.”

“You can’t expect us to believe that,” Regina says flatly.

“But why would you do that?” It’s her father who asks. His arms are crossed as he studies the couple.

“Think of it as my family has a history of alcoholism, but with magic,” Romeo explains, his voice surprisingly light considering the subject matter. “Some people choose not to drink, I choose not to not use magic.”

From behind her, Emma can hear Hook mutter something about that being “a bloody awful reason not to drink.” She can tell Regina is hardly convinced, and both her parents seem wary. Honestly, Emma’s not sure why she’s not feeling as distrustful as she knows she should be. They appeared out of nowhere. They hid the fact that they have magic. And yet, her instinct says to trust them, that they’re somehow important, and that maybe they can help them save Henry.

“Look,” she says finally, drawing the group’s attention, “the longer we spend arguing, the longer it will take for us to figure out the map, which is my number one priority right now. You two,” she gestures to Romeo and Juliet, “just stay out of the way. Let the rest of us figure out how to save my son.”

Romeo and Juliet relent without argument. They clearly don’t like being the center of her party’s attentions, not that Emma can blame them. “Thank you,” Juliet says as they move away to the corner of the camp.

“Emma, you can’t be serious.” Regina looks furious, but Emma stands her ground. “You saw what Pan and the Lost Boys could do. We need all the help we can get to save our son, and that will likely include extra magical assistance.”

“She’s right,” Hook agrees. “The demon’s a bloody monster. The more help we have to save your boy, the better.”

Regina looks clearly unhappy with the situation, but relents to both Emma and Hook. She’s just as eager to save Henry, and Emma knows Regina will do anything to ensure his safety. Even this.

“You better be right,” Regina says. Emma hopes she is, as well.

-/-

Juliet curls around Gideon at the corner of the camp, eyeing her family warily and wanting nothing more than to disappear. Shea wonders how easily it would be to sneak away, and debates the merits of simply staying on the island for another three decades in hopes that someone will come find them. It’s almost preferable to her family’s scrutiny and mistrust. “It could be worse,” Gideon says, giving her hand a squeeze. “Oh?”

“Well, for one, “I could be dead.” She wrenches in his arms at the mention of his near-death experience. Her terror had been briefly replaced by her family’s inquisition, but now that she has a moment to breathe, it all comes back to her. Before he can even say anything, Juliet’s hands begin pushing up the hem of his shirt. “Hey, now, we have an audience,” he warns, casting a glance toward the rest of the party. They, however, appear a bit too preoccupied with Pan’s map to notice them. Ignoring him, Juliet runs her fingers over his abdomen. His skin his pale and unblemished – there is no sign of the cut, not even a scar or anything worse – and Juliet sighs in relief. “You’re going to put me out of a job,” he teases, squirming as Juliet continues her examination. He moves to take her hands in his own, and presses a kiss to her knuckles. “I’m fine, J.”

He looks at her imploringly, as if asking her to relax, and Juliet relents. Marginally. “I was looking for signs of Dreamshade poisoning,” she tells him, and Gideon’s expression softens at her explanation. “The Lost Boys are known to lace their weapons with it.” It’s how her uncle – the one she’s never met – died. It had been a self-inflicted, but unintentional, poisoning, but a poisoning all the same. (Not that Juliet would ever tell this to her father, but it sounded incredibly dumb to intentionally cut oneself with an unfamiliar poison. Her other Uncle Liam – the one she’s known he entire life – wouldn’t make such a rash decision.) To hear her father tell the story, the poison had worked through her uncle’s bloodstream quickly. If Gideon had been poisoned, he’d be showing the effects by now. Then again, if the stories are to be believed, her grandfather’s poisoning had taken much longer to truly affect him. “My grandpa,” Juliet gasps. She fixes her gaze on her grandfather’s older self, and attempts to determine if he had been injured in their earlier fight. "What about him?"

“He was supposed to be hit by an arrow, I think."

“I’m sure he was,” Gideon assures her. “Arrows were flying everywhere. I was worried you'd be hit." "I'm a survivor, babe." She keeps her tone light despite the tension that's set in her shoulders since arriving on the island. She tells herself that Gideon is right. Her grandfather had to have been lanced by the arrow. And who is to say this would be their only encounter with the Lost Boys? Everything is fine, she thinks, willing herself to believe it.

Juliet turns her attention back to her mother, who doesn’t look fine. She wishes she could remember just how her mother unlocked the secrets to the map, but it’s been too long since she’s read Henry’s book. There was once a time when she could recite it perfectly, but the story has since faded. All she knows is that Neverland is where her parents had their first kiss and where her father bonded with her grandfather. Part of her is excited to watch it all unfold, but another part, a bigger part, just wants to go home. She longs for her parents to look at her with love, for her father to pull her into a hug, and for her mother to say “I love you.” She misses her grandparents, his grandfather’s teasing and her grandmother’s conspiratorial smiles. She even looks forward to seeing Henry, her Henry, not the ten or eight or the however year-old version of her brother that he is here now. It can’t be long now, can it?

-/-

Emma wants to be left alone. She hates everything about the island. The heat, the danger, the crying of the Lost Boys, and how it serves as a reminder that she, too, is a Lost Girl. She hates Pan, the fact that he is a maniac and has her son. She hates that he somehow knows the best way to pick at her scabs is his stupid map challenge. Right now, most of all, she hates how she was being followed through the jungle by a hodge-podge of people. The only person she longs for is Henry. She wishes so terribly to wrap him in her arms, and to shield him from the horror that is Neverland. She wants him safe. She wants him never to feel the need to confesses to feeling like an orphan.

Except she can’t, because he is in Pan’s clutches, and she is unable to even get five seconds alone, because she is surrounded by everyone who wants to rescue him, plus a few stragglers – one of which who can’t get the hint. It had been trying enough to bare her soul in front of her parents, Hook, and Regina, but speaking in front of Romeo and Juliet had been a special sort of awkward. She doesn’t know them, and though she had defended them to Regina, they still strangers who shouldn’t be privy to her deepest feelings on inadequacy and loneliness. And yet, there they were. Since then, Juliet had been watching her with a sad sort of expression that reminds Emma of Mary Margaret.

“Hey, Emma,” Juliet greets, suddenly appearing beside her. She has her hair tied into a high ponytail that reminds Emma of a cheerleader in high school. “I just wanted to say I heard what you said to get the map appear, and, well, I never knew you felt that way. ”

“You’ve known me for maybe a day.” Emma steels herself. She really isn’t in the mood for a lecture from a Shakespeare character.

“Yeah, but you’re here surrounded by your entire family, all of whom seem like they’d follow you everywhere. Your parents, Henry’s other mom, your boyfriend –“

“Hook’s not my boyfriend,” Emma corrects. She’s increasingly tired of people accusing her of dating Hook. “Yeah, well, sure. I just want you to know that you have a family who loves you. Like they're doing for Henry, they will for you.” Not only does the girl look like a cheerleader, but she is acting like one. Finally, something inside Emma snaps.

“Listen, from the sound of things, you have a loving, misguided maybe, but still a loving family you’re leaving because of a guy. I’m being nice letting you and your boyfriend tag along, but I really don’t want another lecture on the importance of family from you or for anyone.”

A wave of guilt washes over her the moment the words leave her mouth. She knows she was not entirely being fair to the woman, because she really does sound earnest in her poorly considered attempt to remind Emma of her family. But Emma is too tired and emotionally exhausted to apologize, even as she takes in the completely gutted expression on Juliet’s face.

She reminds herself that she has to keep pushing forward. The happiness of Juliet is not at stake, the life of her kid is. That comes before all else.

#cs ff #captain swan #captain swan ff #cs au #cs canon divergence #ouat ff #s writes fic #s writes finding neverland

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