#and then they have sex about it. the therapist changes every week lol

[laniidae-passerine]

Izzy moving from the thorn in Stede and Ed’s side to their relationship therapist. Told Ed to leave Stede alone after a traumatic event because he knew it wasn’t a smart idea and then later told Stede to leave the bar to avoid a fight which immediately broke out when Stede got upset and drunk. And he’s hot for these two idiots which is fine because he’s an idiot as well. Love them all <3

#steddyhands is about one person being a therapist who should have their license revoked #and the couple Going The Fuck Through It #and then they have sex about it. the therapist changes every week lol #they’re just so funny to me I doubt it’ll ever happen in canon but like love them sm in my head #our flag means death #ofmd #steddyhands #izzy hands #stede bonnet #edward teach

[marengogo]

Silver Lining - What If #4 : Thoughts of you …

Toxic - by Yael Naim  [A cover song of Britney Spear’s Toxic]

[Music is a very big part of my life and I’m MOSTLY INCAPABLE of writing without music, so I just thought I'd share what I am listening to while writing this]

🐺 — 🐺 — 🐺—

Hello my beautiful people,

How have we all been? But most importantly: who is ready for SEVEN?

If, like me, you stop by the bird app every once in a while, you’ve probably read about the fact that Han So Hee is said to be the heroine of the MV and with this bit of news, all the speculations around it. SOME PEOPLE ARE GETTING BARE MAD. Me? Well, following the release of the promotional posters and the schedule, my mind started racing with possibilities; I am a film geek after all.

So I hope you have your tickets ready, as the time to jump on the train to Delululand has arrived, as I take a wild guess about what the song and the MV might be about. As the loco pilot of this train I would like to remind everyone, as always, to exercise caution and open-mindedness as we enter the fun and treacherous environment of Delululand, as everything that is said henceforth is nothing other than my thoughts and opinions. Okay? Let’s go! 🚂🚂🚂

As you might or might not know, I have a deep connection with our Golden Maknae (as mentioned in this post —> Jungkoo-gate ) so as I tried to channel myself into the elements that we know thus far, a couple of things came to mind. Let’s start with the word obsession, which definition is:

An idea or thought that continually preoccupies or intrudes on a person's mind.

As we know, when JK finds something that he likes, he dives deep into it. It becomes all that he talks about, that he wants to do and know about.  Though some of his interests have changed through the years, as he gets older some are becoming fixed passions. Such as body art (tattoos & piercing), boxing, comfy and practical clothing, appreciation and expression of sensuality I’ll get to this in a sec, etc etc etc.

I’m not sure if this was the case before the beginning of their Chapter 2, but mental obsession in particular seems to have become a common theme in JK’s everyday life, and I feel like in SEVEN he might be exploring this side of his. We can notice this for example in Left and Right

Or his bringing up / reacting to JM related content, on multiple occasions

And also, fore= example, the repetition of the song up at night by Kehlani (feat. Justin Bieber), after which particular song he suddenly got inspired and went to work on music.

Up at night, like Left and Right, is a song about not being able to stop thinking about a person, Not a thing, a person. Be it during the day with a therapist, or at night while in bed. SEVEN DAYS A WEEK. Not one day a week, not two days a week, but seven, meaning EVERYDAY. Everyday what? Eating everyday? Singing everyday? Boxing everyday? Thinking of something everyday? Thinking of someone everyday? Knowing JK, if this were to be a person, he’ll most likely say it is ARMY 🤡LOL … Mmmm, moving on.

Sexual vs Sensual.

In the same way the word “Anger” has been highly desensitised as the rapline has cleverly explained in UGH!, I feel that the same faith has met the word “Sexy”. By definition, something sexy is something that makes you think about sex, period. Nowadays however, the word has almost “downgraded” to something a bit tamer, when you see your best friend dressed in a provocative way and say “Ooo, sexy!” you don’t mean that you’d like to have sex with them, nor that people will try to jump them, but most likely they will attract their sex of preference with goals that aren’t necessarily ending up in bed with them. 

The word “Sensual” hasn’t met the same treatment, however, in a weird way, it has been almost replaced by the word “sexual” in everyday vernacular.. By definition something sensual, is something that has to do with the appeasing of the senses, especially sexually. So what’s the difference, you might ask. I once, read this difference explanation and I think it makes very much sense:

Something sexual would equate to having sex, whereas something sensual would equate to making love. 

You see the difference right? One is just the action, the other is the action mixed with emotions, which makes it much more visceral and quite a deeper experience. 

Since Fake Love, we’ve seen JK evolving into a young man who is comfortable with body. When on stage, very much like JM, he has been using his body as part of his performance.

Which begs the questions; is it doing it to be sexual or sensual? 

Whenever he says that JM is sexy does he actually mean it in a sexual way or in a sensual way? When he shows us his abs or poses for a CK shoot, does he mean it in a sexual way or a sensual way? Mind you, as with many “similar but different” aspects in the Jikook dynamic, skin exposure also has its difference between the two. JM seems to have no-clothes as a default in his everyday life, whereas JK has a baggy-clothes policy in his everyday life. IN ADDITION, JM has almost become a bit of a prude reaction to anything that is skin revealing, or vulgar, off stage and in front of ARMY most likely thinking of younger ARMY, JK on the other hand doesn’t seem to mind a tiny little bit as he just want to be free to be himself most likely wondering why are younger ARMY watching.

Now, I’m going to get to the appreciation and expression of sensuality part of this post. A lot of talk has been also made in particular with regards to the rings that JK is wearing in one of the posters:

The most prominent speculation has associated the ring/s with BDSM related items and, obviously, we can’t know if this is the case or not, but what we can do is to point out the fact that JK has found himself inserted voluntarily and not into BDSM related conversations.

If you haven’t seen Love and Leashes I would suggest it, it is a very cute and tame way to introduce or just, explain, the BDSM world, without having to go hard core, it is a movie about BDSM afterall so there will be BDSM stuff but in a very tasteful manner. That being said, as the title and topic of the movie is quite explanatory, the only way you’d watch it is if you are interested in BDSM, or at the very least curious about it, as this is NOT an oscar worthy movie, and you can very much live without having watched it if you haven't noticed by now I am very big on both sex and sensuality. 

Am I saying that JK is about to star in an MV where he is BDSMing with a person he is obsessed with? 

NO. Obviously. This is how antis create stories to rattle people, taking information and reaching possibly triggering conclusions to many a person. But if you take these items singularly and in a mature way, sex, sensuality & BDSM, they are all very adult things that can be dealt with in an adequate and safe way for those who are propense to such things. In the simple manner in which JK answered to have watched Love and Lashes. In the same way, walking around with a T-shirt that has a bisexual flag on it, is different from walking around with a T-Shirt that has someone having sex with both gender sexes, A poster of someone with allegedly wearing bondage rings, isn’t the same way as a poster of someone showing how to use the rings, all supposing those rings are used as those type of rings. For all we know they mean something completely different to JK and only the MV, and lyrics, might shade a light to it as well as JK telling directly what it all means of course. 

And now, last but not least: Han So Hee. Imma keep my pansexual ass at bay and just leave the following edit for all of you to summarise the actress that is  Han So Hee real quick

Also, it is interesting to point out that her latest movie, Heavy Snow, is a Sapphic one (this has english subs —> Heavy Snow):

Now, I don’t know if this has anything to do with anything as I think she is famous in particular for being the heroine in the korean drama My Name, as well as the fact that Han So Hee has something to do with the Wooga Squad, or at least Choi Woo Shik as she was at the premiere of IU & Park Seo Joon’s movie Dream with Choi Woo shik, Tae and JK, but it is something that is worth pointing out, I think. 

So what do I think might be her role in JK’s MV?

In the above picture JK is being pictured in “real-life” and Han So Hee in a movie role. One of the interpretations of the female role in JM’s Like Crazy was that it was his reflection, which I’m also very comfortable in believing, so like, the female equivalent of JM. So what if Han So Hee played the female version of JK shiiiit, if I were JK I'd want Han So Hee to play me!!!?

HAN SO HEE movie  : boxing movie, queer movie, korean movie

HAN SO HEE real-life: has tattooes, has piercings, “has” Wooga” squad easy approach 

Looks like a very good actress to represent me, but also if that is the case, the fact that she is a woman, rather than a man is HELLA TELLING, WHICH IS WHY, we need to slow down real quick and think of the other side of the scenarios real quick. 

What if, instead of a young woman whom often has thoughts of thoughts of many things that are often thought as  provocative and/or taboo, so basically a Daring Summer Song, Haegum style, what if it is your everyday love story of a vanilla couple from the female POV as I do think JK is in the video, but not the main character and the seemingly sexy looking part of the promotion poster refers to a sexual part of their “vanilla” relationship in the song, or maybe is just for the posters and has NOTHING to do with the action video and/or song? Because, you know, couples can get freaky every once in a while and if not we need something innovative for a poster which actually has something to do with the personality of the singer?  … 😬😬😬

… ALL THAT BEING SAID, the time has now come to get out of Delululand and straight back to reality. At the end of the day the chances of me being completely wrong about my entire speculation are 85.31%. Yes. But, it did give me a fun ride into JK’s environment and possible scenarios so if all that I thus here speculated turned out to be FAR AWAY FROM WHAT THE SONG AND/OR MVIS ABOUT, then I’ll use it as a prompt for a future movie of mine 🤡.

Always respectfully yours,

Marengo.

#Marengo's Silver World #Marengo's Pre-Thoughts on SEVEN by JK of BTS

[snowthepimp]

Sneak Peek

AN: This is a preview to a Christmas short story with Joe (& someone very special) that I’ve been working on for the last few months. Chapter one is almost done and I was hoping to post it before December ended but ya know… life lol. I’ve been super busy with work & other things that I haven’t had time to actually sit down and write like I wanted to, so this will definitely carry over. I hope you all enjoy what I have in store for our little community because I’m excited to share it!

Summary: A sneak peek of what’s to come in Christmas & Chill.

Warnings: Fluff? Very little cursing and mentions of sex.

Neither character is who they are in real life. This is an AU short story.

Now Playing ⏯️

The Christmas Song by Nat King Cole

" They know that

Santa's on his way

He's loaded lots of toys

and goodies on his sleigh

And every mother's

child is gonna spy

To see if reindeer really

know how to fly "

The Christmas Song

— Nat King Cole

December 9, 2022

The car ride to the home decor store was fairly quiet outside of the low volume of the music playing through the radio, and the small talk going on between the two coworkers. Every once and awhile, Jackson would move his hand from the gearshift to Kelsie's thigh— a gesture of affection that he noticed she responded well to. Sometimes she would return the favor as she caressed his arm, her touch sending tingles up and down his spine— a feeling that he constantly felt when he was around her.

Arriving quickly to the nearest Hobby Lobby, Jackson parked his brand new Cadillac before getting out of the car and opening the passenger door for Kelsie. She smiled sweetly at the man, thanking him for being such a gentleman. She appreciated that— more than he seemed to realize. It had been awhile since the woman felt wanted by a man. Since discovering that her husband of fifteen years had been unfaithful for almost half of their marriage, Kelsie's personal life had taken a turn for the worst. She tried her best to forgive him and move forward, hoping that he would change his ways. They even hoped that participating in marriage counseling every week would help but the desire to mend their relationship became almost impossible when her health was constantly at risk.

How would you feel if you found out that the man who was once the love of your life had cheated with almost every woman he crossed paths with, and the stress of his infidelity had caused you to lose your unborn children? Kelsie couldn't help but to blame herself for everything that continued to happen. Then, the option for an open marriage was proposed, courtesy of Mr. Broussard. Looks of disgust were showcased in the room that one morning. Had he lost his everlasting mind? Kelsie couldn't have left the therapist's office any quicker after that episode.

After much convincing from John to get their counselor to agree to one of his many selfish decisions, Dr. Paulette felt terrible for asking Kelsie to agree to a temporary open marriage agreement. But the more she thought about it, the more she realized this could be good for Kelsie, as well. She discussed how utilizing the "open" aspect of the relationship could help her see why John continued to cheat. It could give her the answers she had been seeking all of these years— answers that not even John could give her himself. There had to be a reason, right?

It would also show Kelsie what other options were out there for her if their marriage didn't work out by the end of the experiment. She could be with anyone she wanted to, as long as she was honest about it. She finally agreed, wanting to keep her family happy and together, just like old times. But as time went on, nothing changed nor did it feel the same. Kelsie soon realized that this was just another scheme to help John do as he pleased without any consequences or remorse for his actions. Now, they were just going through the motions until one of them finally had the courage to end their broken marriage for good.

During the wake of the initial agreement, Kelsie had never took it upon herself to date freely. With having to raise three children and constantly having to work, her dating life was the last thing on her mind. She kept herself busy and stayed to herself as much as she could while John took full advantage of their circumstances.

Well, that was until she met Jackson Hill.

Being with Jackson was like a breath of fresh air; every part of Kelsie felt rejuvenated. He was young, full of life, and helped her see many things in her life, good and bad, in a different perspective in just the few months they had known each other. He treated her like she was the queen of his world, where no one else mattered. When being in the presence of each other, the two of them made it a habit to close themselves off from the outside world, only giving each other their undivided attention. All of the intimate moments and conversations shared, the nonstop laughter, the amounts of time spent together that lead to pure joy mattered the most to them.

For the first time in a long time, Kelsie felt happy— inside and out.

Jackson followed closely behind Kelsie as they made their way down the store isle full of Christmas decorations, making sure he had a glimpse of her backside at every turn. He loved everything about her, from her personality to her anatomy. But if he had to pick three things he liked the most as his top choice, her ass was definitely one of them.

Kelsie's eyes lit up like a child that had entered Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory as she scanned the shelves from top to bottom. The store had every color, style, and shape of Christmas decor known to man. Choosing one theme they both could agree on was going to be a challenge within itself. She didn't shy away from it, though. This is what she lived for.

Making it to the side of the isle that caught her attention first, Kelsie stood with her arms crossed over her plump chest, deep in thought. She nibbled on her lower lip, brainstorming possible ideas for a cheerful Christmas season "What about these?" she asked, looking up at at her handsome colleague. "This would be a cute color scheme." Kelsie grabbed a large roll of white Christmas lights in one hand while carrying gold ribbon in the other. She smiled to herself, nodding at a job well done. The two colors complemented each other so well, showcasing how elegant and sophisticated they were together. These colors were also symbolic, representing the true meaning of Christmas. What would be a better way for the students to learn and celebrate Christmas while their classroom is covered in gold and white?

"For school or my house?" Jackson questioned. He looked at Kelsie with admiration as she held the two items in her hands. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on, and he had been around quite a few in his young life. Although they were almost twenty years apart in age, they had some things in common. Maybe that was why he was so drawn to her after only knowing her for a few months. He was falling quicker than he wanted to— constantly falling short of holding his end of the ten rule deal.

"School," Kelsie answered. "I was thinking of a green and red plaid color palette with a hint of navy blue for home," she continued, rambling off one of the many ideas that were running through her mind. So much to do in so little time, she thought.

"I was thinking orange and black," Jackson said, throwing in his two cents on the matter. After all, he was going to be the one looking at his tree and overly decorated home every time he stepped foot in there. Might as well get something I would like, he thought. Looking at the rolls of orange ribbon in front of him, he picked up the one with lace trim, intrigued by how vibrant it looked. It reminded him of the orange lace lingerie set Kelsie had on a few weeks ago.

"A Halloween theme?" she asked, scrunching up her beautiful face in disapproval. He couldn't be serious. He was kidding, right? He despised Halloween; he was the scariest person she knew. She remembered how he flinched and hid behind his weighted blanket as they sat on his couch and watched Tales from the Hood one evening in October. "Oh no, that's tacky," she quickly waved him off before carefully putting the small box of blue glass ornaments in the basket. Pushing the basket, she moved further down the isle, looking for anything else that caught her eye.

Jackson chuckled at the woman's reaction. Halloween colors for Christmas? They both knew better than that. He couldn't stand the thought of anything related to the holiday. In his mind, he had a different approach to the combination of colors. Growing up, he lived and breathed football, given that his father was a head coach for the high school in his hometown in Ohio. He watched football at every level, even the Browns and Bengals who were quite below average most of his life. Lately, he had taken a liking to the Bengals as the underdogs made an appearance in the Super Bowl. Although they fell short, he was proud of them, and to be from Southeast Ohio. A certain quarterback that was as cold as ice, who happened to look just like him, was the icing on the cake that could lead to years of his continued support for the team.

"What! You're serious?" he asked with amusement in his tone. Kelsie gave him a knowing look indicating that this was a not a laughing matter. Jackson threw his hands up, a playful smirk plastered on his lips. "Okay, I'll just let you do what you do best then." And he did just that. For what felt like forever, the two of them went from section to section, looking at what could best fit Jackson's style before standing in line to pay. The store was starting to get packed with Christmas shoppers and they wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible.

Mission accomplished.

If anyone can guess who the Female OC is, then I just might publish the first chapter sooner!

#snowthepimp #joe burrow #C&C by SNOWTHEPIMP #joe burrow x reader #JOEXBEY #joe burrow x oc #joe burrow x woc #Chrismas & Chill #joe burrow fan fic #joe burrow imagine

[theclosetisglassyouqueer]

I need to get this out 🫶

(you're really just a third party listening)

(pretend you're my therapist)

So I've resonated with some aspec things but also not felt like I'm on the a spectrum.

WARNING

TW

Trauma, mentions of sexual harassment, definitions, run-on sentences, opinions, and trauma dumping, (is it sharing my story or am I just trauma dumping on the people who might read this?)

...

...

...

(I know these are not definitive and having or not having these does not constitute asexuality, nor anything on the aspectrum, and that these vary and don't necessarily determine nor undermine the validity among the people on the aspectrum.

These experiences and events have it so as these make my feelings as to being asexual unlikely and that I'm not.

The same applies to the aromantic, or any other parts.)

Like I'm not asexual I want sex, I have a high libido, I get horny, I've masturbated more than I believe is common for my agab, and I've never had sex so I can't really say, right, and that unpleasant sexual harassment didn't change much in me, I just want VERY consensual sex.

But I don't think I feel sexual attraction like everyone else, like people have described theirs, i don't just see someone and think I wanna fuck them. I see someone in public and I wanna be someone special in their life not just date them, like I feel like it seems like I'm saying when I mention it

I'm not aromantic, for example, I'm SOO desperately lost as a hopless romantic, I WANT LOVE I want to share secrets to understand someone and be understood, almost every social media account I have has a saved folder with a heart or the word love (with the plans of showing anyone who's fallen in love with me, when I needed to give myself a reason yk.)

But I've never felt something I'd label romantic attraction, I chose my first crush (hehe he still wears Remus sweaters like everywhere, aesthetic) maybe it's only recent that I've realized I could feel something for people now(religious trauma) (can't date till you're 40 jokes) that I could get in a relationship with someone. And maybe it's the overuse of the word love in everyday language, but I don't really feel anything when someone says "I love you" to me, I say it back, but there's no deep feeling put into it. We've said it in tears knowing we won't see each other physically for years and I know I'll miss them, and I cry and there's a feeling there but I don't feel for it long, but there's no existential pain in knowing. Maybe I've just stuffed all feelings down for so long and maybe I don't know how to not do it and maybe I'm numb about it because I've already stuffed any feelings down subconsciously.

But maybe someone special will show up in my life maybe they'll be a certain gender that assures me in my sexual attraction maybe they'll make me feel something so I know love exists and romance is possible, and we can do everything together, sex and cuddles in the sun and sharing and enjoying each others interests together and seperate but close, but that means there has to be another person.

But oh platonic love!!!!🥰🥰❤ it's not romantic and it's oh being ever so close to someone but without the expectations of a romantic relationship. It's truly pure love it's a 🥰 but not 😍 and without the expectations of 😘

But I've never been very good at having friends, close friends or even just acquaintances, they've always petered out after some time and practically non existent after a week or two if it's online not almost daily, like living together is what it would take, almost. (Hey bestie who's my sister who doesn't have Tumblr and will probably never see this lol) and even relationships with grandparents and extended family members who don't live close, and we don't spend constant or regular-ish time conversing or spending with each other, are nearly nonexistent if we're not together and spending time juntos.

So maybe it's my trauma or mental illness (pretty sure I have ADHD, depression, anxiety, and the like but I've never been diagnosed so...🤷‍♂️) and I truly don't know how to have and keep up a relationship, or maybe it's because every relationship I've ever had, sexual or romantic or platonic, has not been balanced ⚖️ probably very one-sided without either of us consciously knowing.

.

ANYWAY

.

I found the term "alterous attraction" about 2-3 hours ago:

"Alterous attraction is a type of attraction that is not entirely/neither romantic or platonic. It’s seeing someone and immediately going “I must become very close to them” but like. Not in a romantic way. By nature, it’s meant to be nebulous so for some people it might feel closer to romantic attraction while for others it might be closer to platonic."

I feel closer with this description and phrasing than to those of love and attraction (and trust me, I've read many of those. We're you aware that the ancient Greeks had seven to nine words for love each with different descriptions and definitions?) It's the same comfort as I felt with the label pangender, nebulous, I don't have to decide which gender I am, male, female, non binary, it's nebulous and I can be all or some without distinction. Without distinction, is what I feel sexual, am I fetishizing? Is what I feel romantic, is this what love feels like? Is it platonic, intimate and affectionate but not sexual?

"Alterous attraction is the desire to be emotionally close to someone. it’s not romantic attraction but it’s also not quite platonic, so it’s a “weird” gray area that some identify as being between the two or just completely different. alterous attraction can also be used to describe attraction that is confusing, can’t be determined by the person experiencing it, or can’t be labeled/described by typical or amatonormative terms. hope this helps!"

"A weird gray area... as being between the two or just completely different." Describes my identity, my past, my life, and my literal existence. Lol (but a semi-serious lol)

There's truly no need to specify. Nebulous and no need for distinction it can be romantic and platonic, either or neither, or somewhere in between.

"Alterous attraction is liking the idea of romance, hearing what a qpr is, and having a crisis because you thought that’s what romance was."

Honestly I just WANNA be close with someone and I don't know if that's trauma or I'm just very touch deprived. Which I am/have both to an EXTREME extent

Feeling alterous attraction doesn't have to make me identify on the aspectrum.

I am valid in identifying that I feel alterous attraction while also not identifying as being on the aspectrum.

Tldr: I trauma dump and realize the attraction I feel can be accurately labeled as as alterous attraction 🫶

#alterous attraction #a spectrum #ace spec #ace spectrum #aromantic #aromatic #i crave validation #trauma #trauma dump #gaylife #lgbtqi community #update #pangender #distinction

[xiaq]

Hi, I have a question re:sex and Christianity. Small background: I still go to church, and I still live with my parents even though I'm not much younger than you, because housing is very very expensive where I live (pretty common here, I would say about 2/3 of my friends live with their parents and we are decently privileged kids)

Anyway. How does one get over purity culture? To be clear, I've never been told in church not to have sex, I've never gotten the gendered lessons that you got. But I am terrified of having sex. My first real, multi-year relationship just ended and while there was hand stuff etc, there was never any p in v sex (lol I feel 12). But I still had insane anxiety about being pregnant despite being on bc. And I think its because I know my parents would be so disappointed if I had sex. And if I was pregnant I could imagine all the gossip. And honestly I think im from a pretty open church, b/c one of our previous ministers kids recently got married at 8 months pregnant and lots of church people were at the wedding and supportive and her parents were there and everything.

I dont even think I particularly like sex, i might be on the ace spectrum, but how do I remove it from all the anxiety that's tied to it so I can even give myself the chance to find out???

(Asking because it seems like you've been pretty open about purity culture/removing yourself from it)

CW for sex talk (again)

How does one get over purity culture?

Oh man. That really is the million-dollar question, huh? Obviously, I can only answer re my personal experiences, and this is something you should talk to a therapist about, but I can tell you how I’ve tackled it with my therapist at least.

Purity culture is, at its core, an ideology that is perpetuated by shame. If you’re indoctrinated into purity culture when you’re a kid, the concepts become baked into the way you construct your identity, your perception of self, and your perception of your sexuality. It’s practically intrinsic, by the time you’re an adult, to feel shame any time you’re reminded you have a body, much less a sexuality.

According to the chapels I sat through every week as a kid, a girl's body could be 3 things: an intentional stumbling block for men, an accidental stumbling block for men, or unnoticeable. Women were to strive for the third option so as to keep their (and their male friends/authority figures) purity intact. After all, if a boy, or even your male teacher, had impure thoughts about you, it was your fault for tempting them (which, holy shit. I still can’t believe that was a thing I bought into for so long. If my 45 yr old grown-ass teacher had impure thoughts because he could see my 12 yr old collarbone, that sure as hell wasn’t my fault. But I digress.) The Only time a woman’s body can be something else, is when she gives it to her husband, at which point she must suddenly flip the switch in her brain that she is now allowed to be a Sexual Being and she must perform Sexual Duties despite living in outright fear of her own body and sexuality for years (decades?) up until this point. Jesus take the wheel.

Purity culture isn’t a thing you can just decide to walk away from if you’ve grown up in it. Because its ideology is insidious and internalized. So first you need to submit to the fact that you’re going to be fucked up about sex. It sounds like you’re there. Second, you need to interrogate what you believe. If you’re leaving religion behind entirely, you’ll approach removing yourself from purity culture differently than if you still identify as a Christian. It sounds like you might be the latter, which meant, for me, separating what’s actually biblical and what’s shitty, contrived, doctrine that I was told is biblical but is actually more political than spiritual. This helps you address the shame issue.

You need to throw away I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Lady in Waiting and all those ridiculous books you read and reread in the hopes of somehow obtaining impossible marriage perfection and look into actual scripture interpreted within its historical context. I could write a book on this, but the TL;DR is that the text of the Bible was written, translated, curated, and changed multiple times over thousands of years by human beings with human biases and, often, personal and/or political agendas. It contradicts itself! Reading it as it is—a flawed historical document—rather than some sort of God-breathed perfect document—is incredibly freeing. When you do, you’ll probably realize that purity culture is bullshit on a spiritual level. Which is a good start, if that matters to you. Because any time you start to feel shame or guilt you can ask yourself: does God actually care if I wear a bikini or touch a dick I’m not married to? Probably not. Wear the bikini. Touch the dick.

The most important therapy session for me was when my therapist asked what I would do if I got to heaven and God was actually the God I’d been raised to fear. What would I do if he condemned me for being bisexual and having premarital sex and becoming educated, for arguing with men, and failing to isolate while menstruating, and wearing mixed fabrics? If Montero had come out at the point, I probably would have said I’d pole dance down to hell. Instead, I said I would spit on heaven’s gates. If a god that cruel and that pointlessly demeaning really exists—a god who would create in me condemned desire—I won't worship him. The good news is, I’m 99% sure he doesn’t exist. At the very least, he isn’t supported by scripture.

Okay. The final thing you need to do is figure out what you actually want, sexually speaking. This bit is probably the hardest. I’m still in the early stages of this myself. You say: “I dont even think I particularly like sex, i might be on the ace spectrum, but how do I remove it from all the anxiety that's tied to it so I can even give myself the chance to find out???” Bro, I wish I had an easy answer for you. For me, whenever I’m feeling anxious about Sex Things, I tell myself: 1. My God does not equate my worth to my sexual habits. 2. My partner does not equate my worth to my sexual habits. 3. I do not equate my worth to my sexual habits. It seems silly, but reminding myself of those three things is massively helpful. If, after I’ve sorted through those, I’m still anxious or uncomfortable, I stop doing the thing. I evaluate. Am I overwhelmed and I need to try again some other time? Do I just not like the thing? Sometimes it’s hard to tell. Sometimes you change your mind. Sometimes you just don’t know. That’s why having a partner who you trust and who’s willing to patiently explore your interests (and respect your disinterests) is so important. Half the battle, for me, was having a partner who told me they’d be ok with no sex at all. Because that took the pressure off me. If the bare minimum they need is nothing, then anything more than that is a bonus! Hooray! This is maybe TMI, but let me tell you. I thought I was asexual* right up until I was able to have moderately non-anxious sex. Never in my life did I think I would initiate a sexual situation but… I do now. It’s a fun thing to do with a person I love and, holy shit. I am furious that I nearly missed out on it.

Finally, re birth control: I don’t know how you can approach that fear in a way that works for you. If you don’t want to ever have penetrative sex, that’s fine! If that’s a point of anxiety you can’t get rid of, then don't push yourself to do it. If you find out you like other sex things, do the other sex things! If you don't like doing any sex things, don't do any sex things! Also, have you considered sleeping with people who can’t get you pregnant? Always an option if it’s an option you want to consider. ;)

Okay. I hope this was even a little bit helpful. Sorry if it’s a little convoluted, I typed it up in bursts during my work breaks.

*This is not at all to say that asexuality can be “fixed." Rather, it’s to say that things like purity culture can drastically confuse your sexuality in general. If you’re asexual, then this process is still important to discover what you like/dislike. Then you can be explicit about those necesities and find a partner who’s a good fit (if you want a partner at all, that is).

#purity culture #sex talk #christianity #sex and relationships #sex and religion #mylife #answered asks #aspec #cw sex

[lannister-slings-and-arrows]

Chapter Two of See You in the Morning Time

The third in a Rafael Barba/Reader/Frederick Chilton threesome verse written in collaboration with @pascalispretty . Gif by @mrsrafaelbarba . Yep. We did this. Was it necessary? No. Did we enjoy it? Sometimes. Are you going to read it? I sure hope you do and that you like it! Cross posted to ao3!

Part Three of the series So Much Easier than You Realize

Chapter One: A Different Feeling Entirely Chapter Two: Show Me the New

Warnings: Frederick being an anxious (and sad. and repressed) little weenie, discussions of period typical homophobia, bi panic, completely invented backstory (you got on this ride folks lol), Rafael being surprisingly supportive, cuddling, and of course a little bit of teasing Rating: PG-13 Word Count: 2293 Summary: It's not often that Fred instigates anything with Rafael except an argument.

It’s late by the time Fred and Rafael finally make their way to bed. They shower and put pajamas on while waiting for the food to arrive and once they eat, they finish the bottle of wine that Fred had opened earlier and spend the rest of the evening chatting and watching some dumb movie on TV.

Lying in Fred’s bed in his borrowed clothes, Rafael can’t help but smile to himself. After weeks of skittishness from Fred he had finally made it past some of the walls that the doctor had put up. Fred curled close to Rafael while they watched the movie, dragging a blanket over the two of them and cozying up entirely unprompted.

When Fred comes out of the bathroom and flicks the lights off, he’s even more pleased that Fred doesn’t seem to hesitate to lie close to him in bed or reach out for his hand.

“Thank you for letting me stay,” Rafael murmurs, to break the silence more than anything. He hears Fred scoff.

“I was hardly going to kick you out as soon as we were done.” As best as he can, Rafael turns on his side trying to make Fred out in the darkness of the room.

“I know. I just wasn’t sure how you’d feel.” He’s not at his most eloquent or subtle, but he wants to acknowledge what happened between them. “You were… hesitant at first and I just want to make sure you didn’t feel like you had to do this. As of a few days ago you were still pretty clear that you were not comfortable with the two of us having sex.”

Rafael doesn’t want to force a confidence, but he feels like he has to make sure. He’s coming to care too deeply about the arrogant chronically awkward man next to him to just let this go with vague assurances. He hears Fred shift onto his back and wants nothing more than to drag him into his arms and kiss his stupid, conceited face, but he holds himself still and waits for Fred to answer him, giving him the space he clearly wants.

“This wasn’t as sudden as you think it was,” Fred assures him eventually, face still pointed at the ceiling. “I’ve been thinking about this since, you know, that first time.” Rafael can practically feel Fred’s blush from his side of the bed and grins. “And my reticence was never about you, you know that, yes?”

Rafael nods, realizes Fred probably can’t see him, and clears his throat.

“Yeah, I figured as much. I am, after all, a damn catch.”

Rafael yelps as Fred reaches out, faster than he thought was possible for a well-fed psychiatrist who sits behind a desk all day, and smacks him on the chest.

They’re quiet for a few minutes, together in the dark cocoon of Fred’s bedroom, before Rafael sighs. He can’t help but notice the similarities between the blank peacefulness of Fred’s minimalist design and the deliberately organized calm of a therapist’s office and wonders if he did that on purpose. Maybe it’s a natural inclination, he muses idly. It invites honesty. The sharing of secrets.

“I’m only eighteen months younger than Benn, you know,” Fred says eventually, and it’s so unexpected that Rafael finds himself frowning a little in confusion. “All the way through school, I was Bennett Chilton’s younger brother; just the little brother of the handsome quarterback that everyone adored.” Rafael has seen photos of Bennett, tall and painfully handsome. He can see that it might have been hard to grow up in that shadow.

“He came out when he was sixteen, and I was fourteen. And I’m sure you can imagine what that was like at an all-boys Catholic school in Virginia in the eighties.” Rafael winces in the dark. He remembers well enough the attitudes in his own high school, in marginally more liberal New York. He can’t imagine what it must have been like in a place without a visible community to look up to.

“People were mostly smart enough not to say anything to Benn’s face--he was a six foot two starter who never backed down from a fight, they would have had to have been stupid--and our parents were supportive. But the things people said about him behind his back--” Fred shudders, an involuntary shiver that makes Rafael want to wrap his arms around him and never let go.

Instead, he just squeezes Fred’s hand reassuringly and waits for him to continue. For someone who has trouble shutting up at the very best of times--staying silent isn’t Rafael’s forte--he is doing an admirable job tonight. His desire to prove he’s worthy of this unexpected vulnerability from Fred is more than enough to keep him quiet. Rafael is desperate to know more, to know everything about Fred; about what makes him tick, about why he was so reticent, so reserved, when clearly this is something that he enjoys.

“It was awful. The kind of things you never want to hear about somebody you love. And I was hardly in any position to be giving out bloody noses or black eyes whenever someone called him a fag, or made some crack about AIDS.” Rafael shifts slightly nearer, still not saying anything. He smiles to himself when he feels one of Fred’s hands reach up to rest on Rafael’s hip.

“I was a short, scrawny child--I spent a lot of time in the hospital and home sick--and I couldn’t afford to give the other boys in my school one more reason to pick on me so I just… didn’t say anything. I’m not proud of it, but it’s not like Benn had any trouble sticking up for himself. I doubt he would have appreciated anyone stealing his opportunity to get into one more fight anyways.”

Rafael covers the hand Fred has on his hip with his own, deciding now is not the time to joke that he can’t ever imagine Fred as scrawny. Fred clears his throat again and continues in the same calm, rehearsed manner. Like this is something that he witnessed happening to someone else.

“It wasn’t long after that that I had my own month of absolute pure terror and confusion. It was one of Bennett’s teammates from the swim team that actually sent me over the edge. His name was Bobby and he was gorgeous. He had never made any jokes about Bennett, never joked about changing somewhere else in the locker room. He was a little stupid, I can admit that now, but back then I thought he was perfect. I worshipped my brother and this pretty boy clearly did the same.

“Well, I was horrified. Up until then I had been fully and completely in love with a girl I had known practically since infancy. Was all of that a lie? Was being gay genetic? Was Billy going to go through the same thing? It took me a whole month before I had the guts to ask Bennett and I nearly stabbed him with our father’s letter opener when he laughed at me.”

Rafael winces again, knowing how touchy Fred is now, a grown adult well-respected in his professional field and still a little obsessed with slights, perceived and real. Fred huffs, forcing any trace of bitterness out of his voice.

“He told me that you can like girls and boys at the same time and that I should go see if I still liked jerking off to pictures of Jennifer Connolly.” Rafael isn’t able to suppress his snort.

“I always liked Carrie Fisher,” he tells Fred, smiling over at him.

“You would, you pervert,” Fred shoots back. “Probably loved that bikini, didn’t you?”

“I think I’ll plead the Fifth on that one.”

Fred shakes his head and sighs deeply.

“Well, naturally, that was enough humiliation for me for one afternoon and so I threw a throw pillow at him and bolted for my room.”

“Did you jerk off to Jennifer Connolly?”

“Rafael, I can still kick you out of this apartment.”

“Sorry.” Rafael is silent for all of twelve seconds before he asks again, “Come on Fred, I’ve got to know; did you?”

“...Maybe,” Fred reluctantly admits. Rafael laughs and squeezes his hand.

“Moving on from your prurient obsession with my teenaged masturbatory life,” Fred says pointedly, managing to sound arch, offended, and haughty all at the same time. “I contemplated for a while what Benn had told me. A long time actually--that percolated in my brain all throughout the rest of high school. I only ever dated girls, I ignored it completely every time I was even remotely attracted to another boy, but I kept thinking about that. Not only did I have a lifelong conviction that if Bennett said it it must be so, but it just sort of felt right, you know?”

Rafael nods, remembering a similar feeling he had when he was younger. Despite what the other boys in his neighborhood said about “queers”, despite what the Church said, and despite what he knew his father would do to him if he heard Rafael’s thoughts, he was what he was and that was that. Fuck anyone who said different, he remembered thinking. It’s not like he could change it, even if he wanted to.

“Yeah, I know what you mean,” he answers when it’s clear that Fred requires some encouragement to continue. Fred twines his fingers with Rafael’s before carrying on.

“I lived with Benn in college. Our father bought him an apartment in Cambridge the day he got his acceptance letter from Harvard, and it only seemed logical that I’d move in once I got accepted too. And, I don’t know. It was a little easier there.” Rafael thinks he grimaces, but it’s hard to tell in the dark.

“It has been a while though, since I’ve indulged. And I've never participated frequently.” Every word seems like it’s forced out of Fred’s mouth.

“All this to say, Rafael,” Fred murmurs, inching closer across the sheets, “Is that the problem was never you.”

Rafael gathers him into his arms this time. Fred goes willingly, releasing a heavy, shaky breath and clearly relieved to not be talking about this anymore.

“I know,” Rafael reassures him. “I know it wasn’t me. I was just… I don’t know. I was worried.” He smiles, giving Fred another squeeze. “You’re a delicate little flower Freddie, I want to make sure I don’t trample all over you.”

“Get out of this bed this instant.”

Rafael laughs and they settle down to sleep.

***

The three of them celebrate in Rafael’s tiny Brooklyn apartment when Fred returns from Baltimore. He insists that he wants to cook and, though he had his doubts about his equally minuscule kitchen, manages to turn out an incredible ropa vieja. His mother would be proud.

When the empty plates are discarded on his coffee table, stacked haphazardly and waiting to eventually be washed by whoever loses the inevitable game of ‘who had the harder day’, Rafael sinks back into the couch and smiles benignly basking in the praise of the two of them and their company. Four days is starting to become too long to go between times when they’re all together and though he wants to frown at the unpleasant feeling of missing the both of them when they aren’t around he loves it a little bit as well. Every other wandering thought was of the two of them and he can’t deny that it's nice to feel these first desperate stirrings of a relationship again.

“I don’t know how you made all of that, Rafael. I’m pretty sure my cousin Caroline had a bigger kitchen in her dollhouse.” Fred surprises him when he leans closer to Rafael, snuggling contentedly against him. Rafael had told the third of their little trio that he and Fred had finally slept together--hiding things in a threesome was the quickest way to hurt feelings. Everyone was going to eventually do things without everyone involved and it’s best to just let that out in the open--but he hadn’t expected Fred to offer such casual affection so freely.

Rafael catches her looking at the two of them with a soft smile on her face and returns it with one of his own. She hid it well but she was a little disappointed during their FaceTime when he had warned her that Fred might not be overly demonstrative yet. Rafael knew she felt a little--guilty wasn’t the word she would use, he knew, if he could ever get her to talk about it--uncomfortable about how much more open Fred was with her than he was with Rafael. He loves how hard she tries to remind him that Fred is just anxious, cautious, a little scared. Rafael is a grown man and doesn’t need his hand held, but the fact that she tries to anyways makes his heart feel like it’s growing through his ribcage sometimes.

When Rafael looks back down at Fred he looks like he’s about to fall asleep with his head nuzzled against Rafael’s shoulder. He would describe it as endearing until Fred moves one of his hands high onto Rafael’s thigh. Rafael smirks.

“All it took was one night and he’s already falling for me,” he says to her in a stage whisper. Fred is unfortunately still awake enough to jab Rafael in the ribs, settling down only after the air is knocked out of Rafael’s lungs with an “oof”.

“As long as you remember to invite me to the wedding,” she teases. Rafael watches her duck admirably as Fred throws a cushion at her head.

“You’re supposed to throw a bouquet at me, not a pillow!”

#rafael barba x frederick chilton #rafael barba #frederick chilton #law and order svu #hannibal #fanfic #fanfiction

[sparkles-and-trash]

South Park Main 5, Headcanons Masterpost  ~

Stan Marsh 

Looks: 

hair is actually nice and somewhat floppy naturally, but because he wears a hat most of the time, it’s usually flat and a little greasy kshdhsd

hair is that blue-ish black color

eyes is piercing ice blue 

skin is light, kind porcelain like, but he also tans really fast?

soft sweaters are the only thing he’ll wear from early autumn to late spring

in summer he’ll literally only wear band shirts and flannels lol 

Personality and General Trivia:

totally cares more for animals than most people let’s be real 

sometimes he struggles with seeing things from others point of view and ha can come across as a little self centered 

he is aware of it tho and tries to be better at it 

his instagram is filled with Sparky haha 

let’s Sparky sleep in his bed every single night even tho Sharon tells him not to 

likes reading and writing, has a tiny obsession with dark themes and Lovecraftian stuff 

he and Kenny volunteers at the local pet shelter and homeless shelter together 

the pet shelter was Stan’s idea, and the homeless shelter was Kenny’s 

wants to be edgy but is really just very soft

“Kyle said...” 

believes everything Kyle tells him lol 

enjoys video games a lot, prefers single player, story based ones tho 

also still enjoys boardgames a lot, and when the big group isn’t up for hit, he, Tweek, Jimmy, Butters and Cartman groups together to nerd it out 

has clinical depression, but is managing it with help of a therapist, his mom and friends

sometimes things gets pretty dark, but he is getting better at reaching out and asking for help in those times 

Friendships:

like I mentioned above, he struggles a bit with seeing things for other’s point of view 

but he is aware of his flaws and is trying to be better

can get a little bit caught up in his own drama, but listens when his friends tells him he needs to get over himself 

will always stand up for his friends, especially if they’re not there to do it themselves 

when he starts getting closer with Butters in early high school he gets really upset when he realizes how much he gets shit-talked 

enjoys spending time with his friends individually, probably the most of the group, and takes initiative to do so a lot 

which is very important to Kenny, since he tends to feel a little overlooked sometimes, and it makes their friendship really strong 

same with Butters, except Butters doesn’t usually doesn’t mind mainly being in a group, but the first few times and Stan hangs out alone it’s obvious he really appreciates it 

Family:

daddy issues 

sorry I don’t make the rules lol 

has a decent relationship with Sharon tho

she’s a good mom 

and he wants to be a good son 

Shelly is still kinda angry and scary

she keeps the “only I can beat you up bro” attitude and there is secretly mutual respect there

but we don’t talk about that!!! 

Ships and relationships:

okay so my main ships for him are stutters (Butters), stenny (Kenny) and Style (Kyle) 

my fav is stutters tho 

I usually head canon him as bi or pan, but as with everyone in SP, I’m open to different interpretations if different Au’s and stories! 

I just really like the idea of them learning to balance facing their issues AND celebrate the good things in life together 

I def think he can be a bit insecure in relationships, struggling with feeling like he’s not enough, and would need a partner that naturally will be affirming and positive 

that’s not to say he’s super needy or clingy, he’s just a bit insecure 

but I really think he would truly be a good partner 

he’s caring, kind and very appreciative 

which is again why I really like him with Butters offh 

Kenny McCormick 

Looks:

sandy blonde hair that’s always messy and floppy/softly curled 

teeth is kind of crooked due to lack of funds for braces 

his front teeth are kinda big and has a significant gap 

lots and lots of freckles man 

all over his face, shoulders, back, hands and arms 

tans fast 

I actually really like him with brown eyes? like, soulful deep brown eyes 

but also very, very clear blue ones, like almost unnatural (yes that’s a mysterious thing) 

medium tall 

wears his hoodies, usually with the hood up, no matter if it’s freezing or a heatwave

not conventionally attractive, but charming looking lol 

likes to wear some eyeliner every now and then

and nail polish, but it’s like super clumsily put on and always chipped

Personality and General Trivia:

falls asleep in class a lot, but always seems to know the answer if the teacher asks him something

also has decent grades

I think he’s way smarter than he gives himself credit for, both socially and school wise 

the therapist of the groups 

actually, the therapist of the whole school 

knows a lot of secrets due to this, but he always, ALWAYS keeps them 

I see him as very friendly and approachable, but terribly hard to get close with

lots and lots of walls, man

very much an observer type? 

quietly stays in the background if that’s an option

but if he is talked too, or feels like he has something to really contribute to in a conversation he’ll jump in and be comfortable talking and taking up space if he is with friends or people he knows 

if not, he’ll just stay in the background with that.... look on his face that just makes you know he knows more than he says 

works at Tweek’s parents coffee shop, is kinda close with Tweek because of this 

zones out a lot 

“…what?” 

can fall asleep anywhere

Friendships:

is pretty close friends with Butters! 

Butters used to have a little crush on him, but Kenny didn’t find out until years later lol 

he also has a lot of patience with Cartman compared to the others

which is why Cartman actually cares when Kenny sets him in his place 

likes learning new things, and does that with Kyle a lot! 

both school and homework stuff, and things like cooking and other homey stuff, the two of them really bond with this 

him and Stan volunteer together, and I already mentioned, and that time means a lot to Kenny 

since he works with Tweek, the two of them are pretty close and good friends 

is the one of the main boys who gets along the best with Craig and those guys

actually hangs out with them from time to time, so does Butters

it low-key drives the others crazy

Family:

I often like to think his parents would keep having these bursts where they try to get their shit together? 

and it’s slow, and one step back and two backwards, but the fact that they’re trying at all means a lot to the kids after years of them... not 

I can also see Kevin stepping up and taking more charge, Kevin get’s way too little love in this fandom! 

Kenny usually never fights with his sibs

but when he does it’s with Karen, usually because he’s worried about her and it’s nor pretty

none of them can stay mad at each other for long tho

Kevin trying to be all “big brother” and kinda failing because he is chaotic, but he really wants to do right and Karen and Kenny knows that and appreciates it 

Ships and relationships:

ohhh kay here we go, unpopular opinions ahead! 

first, my main Kenny ships are Tokenny (Token x Kenny) and Stenny 

rn Tokenny is my main, I love the potential dynamics, both with their personalties and backgrounds and families 

I tend to head canon him as pan or bisexual, and demiromatic 

I know the demiromantic part is... controversial, at best 

but hear me out! 

I see him being very comfortable with discussing sexual stuff, and being attracted to someone physically is never something he feels awkward or bad about 

but when it comes to more emotional connections, he is way more awkward and fumbling 

for those who doesn’t know, a demiromatic person (like myself! surprise!) won’t have crushes or romantic feelings for someone they don’t already have some form of emotional bond with! We can still feel sexual attraction tho, and some of us are comfortable with casual sexual encounters (like me!) and others are not, and both are very valid! 

I usually have two ways of writing him 

either him being comfortable having casual sexual interactions, but struggling with the romantic aspect and having to figure out how this works for him 

OR 

him having some trauma related to debating sexually very early, thinking he was all ready and it was just sex, but getting his emotions caught up in it and being very heartbroken and confused, and therefore having issues with being intimate with people for a while 

I mix them up depending on the story, but the first one is usually my go-to! 

Kyle Broflovski 

Looks:

he still covers his hair a lot, either with hats or hoods? 

because I really see him being insecure about it 

it’s a medium sort of red, and like, really curly and fluffy 

not frizzy, big like... big 

I usually give him green eyes, but I also could see him with a light brown or hazel! 

some light freckles on his face that only really shows up if he’s spent time in the sun 

pretty tall, kind of lanky 

d i m p l e s 

Personality and General Trivia:

big nerd energy

in every way, board games, video games, loves school, like genuinely, enjoys studying for tests, loves fantasy books, the longer and more complicated the better 

co-captain of the debate team with Wendy 

is good with arguments unless he gets too passionate on the subject, or if someone knows his weak points and uses them to tick him off

it’s usually Cartman  

his mom wants him to go to an Ivy League but honestly he just wants to go to the same one in Denver as Stan, Butters and Cartman are planning on, and now that Kenny is also considering it he seriously think he’ll die if all his friends go to the same college without him

he struggles with FOMO, which is kind of an issue since he’s a busy guy, and some of his friends are not lol 

if any one of these kids become a jock, it’s def Kyle with his basketball change my mind- 

but not like, a letterman wearing fuckboy type of jock, but like, is obsessed with his sport and his team and works really hard to do well type of jock

Friendships:

very loyal 

he and Stan walks Sparky together at least twice a week, just to be sure they’re always caught up with each other even when they’re busy with school, sports and dating

yeah they’re still super best friends 

when they started high school he got closer to Wendy as she’s also on the debate team, in all of his AP classes and they share a lot of the same interests  

they’re still good friends, but nothing more

the first time Cartman got really drunk was at a party freshman year, and at the time everyone was pretty fed up with him, and he ended up crying and Kyle found him, and Cartman thinks Kyle doesn’t remember, but he does 

that was the first night Kyle really kinda understood why Cartman was the way he was, and even though he still thinks he’s a dick at times, he tries to remember everyone have a story, and to give people time 

but he often gets too riled up to remember that lol 

good pals with Jimmy, they share a lot of interests in fantasy stuff and have the same humor 

he also start to go along well with Craig when they are around middle school age, but they’re both kinda too stubborn to admit they’re friends until a year later lol  

Family:

even tho Sheila is pretty overbearing and can be too much, he is a mommy’s boy deep down 

tense relationship with his dad 

enjoys cooking, so that’s where he spends a lot of time with his mom! 

tries his best to keep up with Ike and his life

sometimes he is a tad cringy when doing so, but Ike appreciates the gesture 

Ike is pretty confident and strong in himself so he doesn’t care if Kyle is a bit awkward lol 

the type of brothers who genuinely enjoys spending time together 

Ships and relationships:

I like Style, Kyman, K2 and Kyvid! 

I think he’d be a late bloomer when it comes to love and dating

struggles with opening up and letting himself feel these things 

I often think of him as biromantic asexual, but I’m not always set on it! 

he’d enjoy traditional dinner and a movie type of dates a lot, such a nerd 

Eric Cartman 

Looks:

keeps his hair cut pretty short and styled

has heterochromia iridium (different colored eyes), one blue and one brown

also he has a real nice smile when it’s a genuine one

which is rare but like 

it happens 

is kinda insecure about his weight and tries to compensate with always having the newest stuff and pretending not to care

sometimes tries to diet in secret

he isn’t huge anymore, but is still sort of broad, and isn’t skinny, but like..

kinda bulky, if he wears the right type of clothes it’s hard to see if he’s chubby or buff

but he is def chubby 

Personality and General Trivia:

spends way to much time on reddit arguing with randoms

angry gamer, will call you a slur on voice chat 

after almost getting dropped by his friends in middle school he tries a little harder to be a more decent person

still an asshole at heart, but like, an asshole who sometimes cares about some people 

always tells people that’s he’s seen that meme before, even when he hasn’t 

nothing is ever his fault and the only ones who can get him to admit he’s wrong are Kenny and, very, very rarely, Kyle

he wears supreme hoodies for a full year of High School and stands in line all night for the new ones and never shuts up about how he is the first in South Park to have the new stuff 

Kenny finds it hilarious to buy the fake supreme stickers and put then on his own worn out hoodies

Kyle makes it his main goal in life to put things (everything from used gym socks to old food he finds in his locker) in Cartmans hoods and see how long it takes for him to notice 

can’t handle alcohol, is constantly being teased for it

sloppy drunk lol 

one of the main reasons the other bothers with Cartman trough middle school, when he is at his worst, is because of his big basement, the old Coon Lair, who got a big renovation around 7th grade and is an awesome, private hangout spot with a big TV and wifi and gaming systems

Friendships:

constantly says he hates his friends but would die if everyone left him 

is secretly terribly jealous of Kyle, both his closeness to Stan, his basketball skills, his grades and his family

but they had that thing in Freshman year when Kyle found him drunk, alone and sad, and Cartman himself barely remembers it, and doesn’t think Kyle does because he never mentioned it 

but he does

so much tension there, but also co-dependency 

sees Kenny and Butters as his best friends, and knows deep down neither of them feel that way about him and it secretly kills him 

is in the same board game group with Stan 

is low-key terrified of Tweek lol 

Family:

big mommy issues 

but also very protective of her

I really enjoy the AU/headcanon that Liane marries Clyde’s dad 

it’s not like, the only version I like, but I put it in as many au’s and works of mine as I can 

I def think both boys would be mortified right away 

but Clyde comes around first, because he really wants a brother, even if that brother have to be Cartman 

Cartman would never admit it, but after some time he really starts to see Clyde as a brother and genuinely cares for him 

Ships and relationships:

I mainly see Cartman as gay 

sometimes I start of AU’s and stories with him not being out to himself or anyone else tho, I think that whole journey for him will be very interesting and help him grow as a person 

I def think he’d have a few girlfriends before he comes out tho? 

he can be very charming when he wants too yanno 

my only Cartman ship is kyman atm, but I’m def open to explore more of

Leopold Butters Stotch 

Looks:

I really really really like T A L L Butters??? 

like tall and gangly and adorable 

I know it’s very popular to head canon that he bleaches his hair, but I like to think he has very light blond air naturally! 

keeps it short on the sides and longer on top, with cute ass curls 

soft sky blue eyes 

also dyes his bangs light blue in high school!! 

Pete the goth helps him because he is a pro of dying bangs 

I like to think he’d be into pastel grunge, and keep his love for Hello Kitty and Sanrio etc, but still be a bit more... edgy? 

Personality and General Trivia:

one of those people who’s friendly with almost everyone

but that doesn’t mean he’s friends with them, yanno? 

gets drunk from one wine cooler 

loves the theater and is in the drama club, but likes to be behind the stage, not on it 

wants to be a director one day 

watches Netflix on his phone every single time he has any time to spare, because he’s always binging a show

is usually pretty positive and kind, gives people the benefit of the doubt 

but can be very stubborn, and if he has decided he dislikes or doesn’t trust someone, it’s almost impossible to change his mind 

Friendships:

Butters put up with Cartman for so long because he genuinely thinks he can be fun when he’s not horrible, and he really tries his best to believe in people

he was also the first one to forgive him after the others cut him off 

a very loyal and fun friend

takes a lot of initiative to do stuff, and loves hosting movie nights 

thinks of these boys as his closest friends, but is also real close to Wendy, Bebe, Jimmy and Tweek

Family:

I just hate Stephen so much you guys

so tbh I usually like to just... have Linda leave him, or straight up kill him off oops 

I know Linda is terrible too, I do, but I think she could possibly have a moment of realization if something happens like Butters potentially being taken away? 

idk I’m not gonna go too deep into this, I know it’s such a heavy topic and I don’t wanna seem like I just ignore it, but I personally don’t usually include Stephen directly in my stories, and this is why, I hope y’all understand and respect that! 

Ships and relationships:

my main Butters ship is Stutters (Stan x Butters) 

I mentioned a lot why in Stan’s headcanons? 

but idk, I just really think they’d balance each other well, and could have a very interesting and cute relationship! 

I usually headcanons him as pan or gay, and genderqueer, but I’m open for other interpretations too! 

he does date a little bit, but have never been in a real relationship and isn’t stressing about it! 

he did have a pretty huge crush on (a very unaware) Kenny during middle school, but then they started hanging out a lot more and became really close and Butters didn’t really bring it much thought?

that’s until Cartman gets jealous and throws out a “what are you guys dating and fucking and being gay huh???” and Butters mind immediately goes to “omg ew no he’s like my brother!” 

aaand that’s how Butters realized he was over his crush 

they two of them stay close friends tho, Kenny makes Butters laugh and helps him be more sure of himself and Butters helps Kenny remember that they’re still just kids and should have fun and be good

#south park #stan marsh #kenny mccormick #kyle broflovski #eric cartman #leopold butters stotch #sp stan #sp kenny #sp kyle #cartman #butters stotch #sp butters #south park headcanons #masterpost project #tokenny #sp tokenny #sp stutters #sp stenny #sp kyman #sp ships #txt

[yourlocalauthor]

Anger Issues- Chapter 1

Pairing: JJ x Reader

Summary: I actually have no idea how to summarize this so if someone could help me that’d be very much appreciated lol

Word Count: 1.6k+

Warnings: Mentions of alcohol, drugs, child abuse (highkey wish we had this warning in tv shows), and prolly gonna mention sex at some point, idk that should be it

A/N: Bruh, i had no idea so many people would be interested in this. This was going to go a very different way but I finished OBX again and decided to change it up. Also italics are flashback, enjoy!

Requests are open

You weren’t an angry person, that’s what you kept telling yourself. But ever since your parents died and you moved to the island with your aunt that’s all you could feel. You were so angry and you weren’t sure why, or at what. You were just angry, angry at the whole situation. Your aunt told you had every right to be, which only pissed you off more. You were looking for a reaction, something to make you feel in control. But when your aunt kept dismissing it, and telling your teachers, counselor, and principals to dismiss it, you couldn’t take it. So what did you do? Trashed your least favorite teacher's classroom. It felt slightly justified when you saw him being a creep during gym. When you were taken to the principal's office, she tried calming down which only enraged you more. You cussed her out and then next thing you knew you had after school detention for two weeks. You felt like you deserved more, but you’d take what you can get. So there you sat Friday afternoon in detention. It was quiet, the small hot room filled with two other people in it. You knew the other two boys, JJ Maybank and John B Routledge. John B was in your history class, and English, and JJ was in your Art, Gym, and Health. JJ also happened to live two houses down from yours. That was about as much as you cared to know. You had heard some of the rumors, specifically about JJ and his dad but you didn’t care. Rumors weren’t something you wanted to partake in, even if your aunt was someone who seemed to love drama. You let out a soft exhale shifting uncomfortably in your seat. One thing about the island that you learned was it was uncomfortably hot. As someone who grew up in the mountains of Colorado, you weren’t exactly used to the sudden new change in weather. Growing up living on the beach like your aunt seemed like a dream, unfortunately eight year old you didn’t factor in the heat. You pulled out your tank top, trying to get it to stop sticking to your skin. You looked over to the teacher who was supposedly meant to be watching the three of you. Of course his lazy ass fell asleep, feet up on the desk. The two boys had also taken note of it, quietly conversing. You tried to make yourself busy, as you listened in but it was no use. It was too hot for you to concentrate. You laid back in your seat, staring at the ceiling trying to get your mind off of the heat.

“Hey you New Girl.”

You lifted your head staring at the pair.

“Yes?”

“We’re about to dip figured it was only fair if we told you.”

“What about Mr. Nixon?”

“By the time he’s up it’ll be late.”

“You coming or not?”

You carefully eyed the blonde who had now just spoken up, he was already out of his seat, John B following.

“Look if you don’t come now, you’ll be stuck here until five pm.”

You looked back at the old man sleeping at the desk, and then at the two boys.

“Fuck it”

You simply said, before piling your things into your bag and standing up. You tugged at your ridden up shorts trying to stop any camel toe from peeking through. The two boys stood there staring at you, until you looked back up.

“What?”

“Nothing New Girl.”

And just like that the two were out of the classroom, you following in pursuit. It was so close to Summer that it didn’t even matter, if you skipped detention. The three of you ran out of the school, John B laughing at whatever joke JJ cracked. All of you continue to run, until you were a good distance from the town.

“Shit New Girl, we didn’t expect you to be so eager to leave the school.”

“You guys do realize I have a name right? And also I was in detention with all of you, not sure why you’d think I wouldn’t want to bounce.”

“I told you she was in there for a reason JJ. Anyway I’m John B, and that’s JJ”

The blonde gave you a goodly looking smile, and you couldn’t help but give one back.

“Y/N”

“Well Y/N, we’re having a kegger at the Boneyard care to help us set up?”

You looked at the two boys weighing the options in your head, you were hot as shit and probably needed to go home otherwise your aunt would probably flip or force you to do some meditation. On the flip side you’d be alone for a couple more hours.

“Sure.”

And just like that they smiled at you, JJ grabbing your hand pulling you along as all three of you began to head to the beach.

That was freshman year. Probably the best summer of your life, it was the summer you learned how to shotgun a can of beer courtesy of one JJ Maybank, you spent your days at the beach your new found group of friends teaching you how to surf which turns out wasn’t as easy as snowboarding,  your nights were either filled with parties, or late night conversations on the beach. It was perfect, absolutely perfect. Then one night while the four of you were sitting around a campfire laughing, passing a joint around and that’s when you realized it. You liked JJ. Like you found him very cute, and maybe you wanted to kiss him. But the whole group dynamic worked so well, you didn’t want to ruin it. So from that night on you set your feelings aside not wanting them to ruin the perfect summer. Somewhere towards the end of the summer Kiara joined the group, or joined it again. You didn’t really know the story, all you knew was they were all friends in the eight grade, and then came freshman year she apparently went full Kook at Kook Academy. But you didn’t care, she was fun and it was nice to have a girl around. The two of you hit it off almost immediately, and those last couple of weeks of summer were even more fun than before. And then came the end of the year party. You remembered helping set up the kegs, and bringing the hundreds of packages of red solo cups. And then at some point you had gotten very drunk, because you didn’t remember much past that. You remembered having your first four cups of beer, and then someone brought out a flask everyone was drinking from and maybe you had a couple sips too many because the last thing you remembered was JJ carrying you out the both of you laughing your asses off. Then you woke up in your bed, with probably the worst hangover you’ve ever had. Later that day when all of you met up, everything was chill except for JJ who was very not chill. He kept staring at you, looking away when you looked back, avoiding talking to you directly. Luckily for you the other two boys hadn’t taken note of it, but Kiara did.

Once everyone left she stayed behind to talk to you, along with helping you do some beach cleaning.

“So what was that all about?”

“What do you mean?”

“You and JJ something seems off between you.”

“Really? Couldn’t tell.”

“Y/N.”

“Look I don’t know.”

“Was it last night.”

“I’m not sure, I blacked out. Last thing I remember was him literally carrying me out, we were so happy and laughing. After that I remember absolutely nothing.”

“Weird… I’m sure it’ll pass, he’s probably in one of his moods.”

“Yeah.”

It didn’t pass. Suddenly you went from being basically best friends with JJ to him barely talking to you. You continued to hang out with everyone, but it kept getting to uncomfortable until eventually you just stopped showing up. You kept talking with everyone, but it just wasn’t the same before. And you were angry, after a summer of managing to not be angry you were very fucking angry. You began acting out again, much to the dismay of your aunt but you didn’t care. You had all those feelings bunched together, and you needed to get them out. You began quite the regular in after school detention, at one point you were also suspended but you made sure that never happened again. You spent less and less time at home, during the day you were at school, or the beach, and then at night you’d chug some cheap energy drink and then go out skating around the beach. It wasn’t a healthy lifestyle, but life was too short to not live on the edge.

Tonight was one of the few nights you were home. Your aunt was on the mainland, for her job. She was a massage therapist or something like that. A couple times a week she had to stay on the mainland for whatever reason. It was a Friday evening, and you were hoping to catch up on some of the sleep you were severely missing. You had set up on the couch, the tv playing some movie you couldn’t care less about. You were more focusing on the small stack of papers in front of you. Despite skipping school and getting in trouble half the time you were smart. A lot of people caught on to that, and before you knew it you had a small business writing essays, doing homework, or whatever assignment people needed done. It helped fuel your caffeine addiction, and you were able to keep yourself alive while your aunt was gone. You had just begun typing up your third essay about the civil rights movement, when you heard a knock on the door...

Tags

@spilledtee @teamnick @sexualparkour​ @yeehaw87

#jj maybank #jj outer banks #jj imagine #obx jj #jj smut #jj angst #jj fluff #obx #obx fanfiction #obx x reader #outer banks

[myvaginismusjournal]

Hi, it's been forever and a day! Life has been absolutely insane for me with so many big changes and COVID and everything going on.

So biggest thing, my husband and I have separated. He moved out in July and it's definitely for the best. Back in February I came to a realization that my husband is incredibly emotionally abusive and has been for quite a long time, practically our whole marriage however it got a lot worse in the past couple of years. A lot of this realizing had to do with my mom and dad separating because my dad is emotionally abusive to my mom. It caused me to look and see the extreme similarities in my relationship, we tend to marry one of our parents or we emulate their relationship because that's what we know! Theres a lot of bad stuff that I'll probably post about every once in a while since I kind of need a place to let stuff out and he doesn't follow me here so I can speak a lot more freely. We had a talk about it in February and he said he'd work on stuff. I really pulled away though and I think his actions are so far rooted unless he seeks professional help, that won't really fully change. So fast forward to June and we have a big talk about everything and discussed the possibility of separating/divorce and said we'd each think about it. We also said hey, we need to start being fully and completely honest with each other so that was good. A week later, he decided to move out. I feel like I should have been the one to say you need to move out, but he thankfully knew I would probably have a really tough time doing that and did it himself instead. I'm grateful to him for that for sure. He moved out super quick which was really hurtful and surprise he ended up with a place he hates because he jumped into it so quickly. We still talk a tiny bit, but mostly just memes or stuff like mail or finances that we need to discuss.

When he moved out, I was very heartbroken and upset because it was so quick. But once he was fully out, the main thing I felt and still feel, is relief. No longer walking on eggshells all the time, being able to be myself, not having to constantly shove my emotions down. I've been feeling happy and free which I think says a lot. I've been unlearning a lot of my habits that I would do simply to placate him. I also have been realizing that although I'm extremely lonely and sad, I don't actually really miss him. I miss having a relationship and a partner, even though it was a toxic one.

A month later he came by to pick up some stuff and I invited him in for a little bit. As he started to leave though he asked me for a hug and we both started crying. We had another frank and honest conversation where he said he's trying to change as hes realized how negative and angry of a person he is and how he hates him own self so he needs to work on being happy with himself. He also mentioned how he realized that a lot of his behavior was learned from his dad since that's how his dad treated him/his mom growing up. This was probably the most emotional maturity I've ever seen from him! He talked about how he wants to get back together and work at the relationship but he understands if I cant. I had to be honest with him and said that I wasn't completely writing our relationship off but I was leaning towards not getting back together. Also talked about how worried I was if we got back together things would maybe be okay for a bit and then fall back into old habits. Talked about how he had to do his growing for him, not for me and a chance to get me back because that might not happen. Talked about how it would be a good idea for him to seek professional help with his depression and anger issues. It was a very very hard conversation but good.

Now it's been almost two months since he moved out and he came by today to pick up a package that got delivered here instead of his new place. He did try and get it rerouted but it didn't happen unfortunately. So he came by. He looked so depressed and sad but thankfully I was wfh so I couldn't invite him in to chat or anything. The loneliness hit me super hard after he left though. It made me think, oh maybe I should try again. But I had to realize that, no, it's not him I'm missing, it's having someone around. He was really really horrible to me and I don't think two months is going to change something so deeply rooted in him. As well, I don't think I'm ready to forgive all the hurt and pain he's caused me. Maybe one day I will. But right now, I need to end it, not lead him or myself one with hope of getting back together because I honestly don't think we will. I think it's gone too far and there's no turning back on what's occurred. God it hurts so much though. Like I've spent almost 6 years of my life married to him. September 27 would be our anniversary actually.

I'm also terrified of having to essentially start over. I am the type of person who loves love! I like being in a relationship and I see myself having a partner again. But goodness I have no idea how to date or flirt or do all of that!! I started dating my husband at 18 and then got married at 21. I've only ever been with him. I've only ever kissed him. I've only ever had sex with him and even that barely because wow when you're being emotionally abused and manipulated, it doesn't help the vaginismus (sarcastic shocked Kirk meme here). I somewhat wonder if vaginismus has something to do with that too. Like my subconscious didn't fully trust him and made it harder. We did have penetration a couple of times, however it wasn't ever really good for me. Hell we barely had any kind of sex in the past two years because either I was completely horrible at the task or it wasn't PIV and that upset him. Ugh. But like what does that mean for future relationships?? Part of me wants to just go out there and have a fling to see if maybe that'll help but it probably won't because I need to trust them first. Ugh. Just everything sucks so much and I don't want to start over but I have to and we'll see how that all goes with my vaginismus.

I've got a lot to talk about in regards to the emotional abuse and also other life stuff including: leaving a religious cult, working at a hospital during a pandemic, maybe becoming a witch???, and future dating updates hopefully. Lol I need to go to a therapist omg

Sorry to just word dump, I've been needing to get it out!!!

#vaginismus #relationship stuff #relationship problems

[miss-pearlescent]

LIFE UPDATE (lol)

Hello, this is going to be a long-winded life update because I simply want to just talk about things that have been going on and why I don’t update on a consistent basis :)

One of the reasons is above! Last week (two weeks ago??) I covered Naughty with a friend! Please check it out :D Honestly, this didn’t take away from my writing at all because I do random covers all the time, but I just want the views lmao HUMOUR ME! (I’m the one in white). Oh, and please don’t comment anything about my writing/fanfiction/tumblr on that video! I keep this blog pretty private.

Anyway, what did take away from my writing is A WRITING COURSE! Can you believe :) the :) irony :) I signed up for this writing course because I’ve always really wanted to publish a book aka basically give birth. As a teenager, I followed a few YA authors like they were gods, and when I attended signings, I was starstruck! I’d be like, “Girl, your mind!” So there I was, looking up how to publish a goddamn book and realizing that there were so many things to it other than just writing. It was discouraging to say the least! Then two years ago, I mentioned my hobby to my therapist and she suggested taking a writing course.

She (bless her heart) even searched up local colleges for me and opened my eyes to the fact that educational institutions held entire courses dedicated to romance writing. Wow. Of course, I rejected her idea because of the kind of person I am.

I’m kidding.

I’m not.

LOL ok so I was like “I don’t want to take a writing course because I don’t want people to judge my writing and tell me to write romance a certain way or else it doesn’t feel organic. And what if I lose my interest in it? Then what will I do with my free time? And what if people find my shit really fucking weird? etc”

I put the idea off for a year and finally came back to it last year when I found myself taking frequent trips to the library to write for a whole day. I would buy a Booster Juice, some sushi or Subway, and then I would park my ass on a plastic library chair for 5-8hrs straight. Come Fall/Winter, with the knowledge that I had some basic self-discipline (lmao), I looked into writing courses. I decided to take an online romance writing course that would start February 2020.

Guess when my country began seeing COVID cases? February 2020. Oh boy!

So my lifestyle changed, my work changed, and then I have school work?!?! My dumb ass hasn’t touched anything school related in three years. I was like “you know what? I’m going to try! I’m going to want to learn, and I’m going to put in effort.” Holy shit!!!!! I’ve learned that school still stresses me out lol it doesn’t matter that my grades literally don’t matter in this course. I’m still stressed.

That’s not to say I didn’t like this course. I really enjoyed it because I actually did learn a lot. My instructor (professor???) was also really...ELOQUENT LMAO Her lecture notes would spill mad tea but in the most polite way possible. I have yet to see any of my marks or read any of her comments (due to my fragile ego) but I am excited to do so.

One example of her brilliance in getting her message across is this little section about active vs passive verbs. We’ve all done this lesson hundreds of times in high school, but OMG the line that she uses at the end really solidifies the difference! After reading that, I decided not to skip any of the other readings lmao home girl had my respect.

OK ANYWAY! Back to me stressing! I was very stressed with every assignment. It was nice to be challenged to write differently (creating better mood, fleshing out characters more) because the end products were all...”nice”. But that shit took so much energy that I couldn’t write anymore! I couldn’t think of new plots that I was interested in :( It also didn’t help that I was going through other personal issues, and my libido was nonexistent. As a result, I have so many intros to stories because I’ve had to force myself to think of something for this course, but I never was truly interested in them to actually write it all out from start to finish. Not to mention, I have not written a sex scene since February lol

Then came the final assignment that I just submitted two days ago. OMG. It was a straight up publisher’s package. You had to have a 20pg manuscript. You had to write a query letter/cover letter. You had to research which publisher you would submit to. IT WAS SO SCARY.

I was going to write a whole new story for this manuscript but after writing 4k words, literally nothing was happening in the story and I was so bored. So I scrapped it all and took one of my most recent stories (Universal Differences, but in third person lmfaooo) and tried to tweak it. It was soooo difficult!!! Of course, I also procrastinated this whole thing because procrastination is one of my character traits. On the last three days, I pulled 8-10hrs non-stop everyday to finish it (unrelated, but I watched the SuperM 100 MV after one of these days, and I had to close my laptop immediately after the video because I felt like the MV was attacking me to stay awake LOL). There were so many times where I legit hated myself and my writing and nearly cried because I would think back on all the love that you guys gave to that story and then I’d be like “THE STORY (and, in turn, me as a person) IS SO UNDESERVING OF ANY LOVE AT ALL.”

See, this is why I went to a therapist a few years back loooool I had to rewire my brain to dissociate my writing from myself. I had to keep reminding myself that even if my prof didn’t like it, I would still get good feedback at the end of the day and none of that feedback would reflect me as a person. That even if she told me that I was never going to be able to ever publish anything, there are many writers who were told the same thing and came out of it alive and prosperous because they continued to work hard. I have a whole ass template now of what to send to a publisher/agent. If I wanted to, I would have the skill base to take a story and know where to direct it for publication.

And I would have the confidence to do that!!! Because I’ve already done it once!!!

Something cute my prof said when one of the students said they were overwhelmed:

[ I think it can help if you just think of it as the business processes of that industry - and not you laying your heart and soul out in front of some stranger to judge. :)]

;____________;

OK that is all for now, I think! Since I have submitted my final assignment, my imagination has come free of its reigns so I hope to get more stories out to you guys! Thank you for the requests too! The wilder they are, they more they get my brain going hehehehehehehhehe have a good week everyone~

#There is no need to read any of this #I just wanted to talk through my stress

[wanderinglotus7]

The Game Of Life

Does anyone remember playing the board game LIFE? I do. That board game does resemble real life decisions without the spinner. To start, players must decide to start on the college tract or go straight into the Adult world. I believe every time I played, I always started on the college tract which was probably a predictor to my life today. I always knew that the college life was for me even though my bank account wants to cry (LOL). Like the game, life is filled with so many uncertainties and unpredictability. In a way, it’s all about taking risks. Some risks are rewarding while others bring strife.

Lately, my mind has been preoccupied with life after graduate school. Theoretically I have time, but in reality, I really don’t. I’m more focused about my field placement for next year. So far in the field placement process, I have applied for two clinical internships dealing with trauma. Both internships are great opportunities for my professional growth, but I’m unsure on which placement will benefit me the most, but will keep me interested to be there for an entire school year and possibly offer me an opportunity to really begin my career. This is very serious. No really. The requirements for field placement increases next year because it will be my final year of my two year program which I graduate May 2022. And I am also factoring work because, again, I cannot afford not to work. How am I gonna balance school, field placement, and work when next year I have to complete 24 hours a week , and somehow manage to work on the weekends and attend classes especially if we end up going in-person next year?

After graduation I would like to move into my own apartment, and hopefully be able to have Snoopy come live with me (I do miss my buddy). I’m ready to have my own space again. Back to field placement. The clinical internships I applied for are conducted in different settings: Boston Area Rape Crisis Center and Massachusetts MENTOR outpatient clinic. Both placements offer me that individual one-on-one clinical experience I haven’t technically experienced with Amirah yet. Also, both deal with the world of trauma in general and I will be exposed to various populations which is good because trauma and sexual exploitation can happen to anyone.

I haven’t changed my academic plans, however, I did sort of changed my career plans. Though the LICSW is the highest title for a clinical social worker, I’m going for the LCSW because I don’t plan to operate my own private practice in the future. With graduation, I will earn my MSW & my certificate in Trauma Care. Next, I have to accumulate around 1,000 supervised clinical hours in order to apply and pass the Association of Social Work Boards Examination (ASWB). (There are a bunch of other requirements, but the clinical hours are the most important).  For the first 7-10 years of my career, I see myself doing counseling/case management depending on the agency or agencies I work for. I want to provide clients with trauma informed care with a mixture of whole person centered care and spiritual mentorship (counseling). Next, I want to transition from clinician to advocate. I desire to be an advocate, I’m not sure if that means I need to transition into the position of policy advocacy. I have to do some research on that even though I received some information on that front from Basic Skills in Macro Practice course from last semester. I want to be an advocate to end sexual violence and sexual exploitation which are associated with sex trafficking. On the side of Human Rights, the focus is Violence Against Women (Gender-based violence). In my free time, I do want to publish one or two more poetry collections before I leave this earth. 

Ambitious...very ambitious plans, but nothing I cannot accomplish with God, my family, and my friends by my side. Like my therapist told me the other day, either internship will teach me what type of work or setting I would like to work in or what type of work or setting I would not like to work in.

#future life

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #278

“they will seduce you, get through the door; then they bite you in the neck, leave you bleeding on the floor.”

Do you believe in dream symbolism? If so, do you ever look up what certain things in your dreams may mean? Some, yes, others, no. A lot just seem way too random to have stories behind them, but just as well, some dreams are obviously stemmed from our experiences, fears, desires, etc. Who was the last person who exploded on you? What was the reason? I have no idea, but probably Mom. Is there a certain name that keeps popping up in your life, like a name that many people you know have? No. What is something you have a "love/hate relationship" with? What do you hate about it, and what do you love about it? The first thing that comes to mind is technology. I grew up way too dependent on in despite my mom being a good mother that really tried to limit my time of it. It just never worked. Almost everything I do involves a computer. Through the Internet though, I’ve made spectacular friends, discovered great things (coughcoughmark), it helps me through depression and stuff… but I nevertheless hate how attached I am to it. Sometimes I feel like I’m so disconnected from the “real” world, “real” experiences, but then again, I also believe tech is a part of the “real” world. Idk how to really explain it; I have such mixed feelings. Do you like things that are cliché or not? What kinds of things that are regarded as "cliché" do you like? Sure, especially romantic cliches. I’m just such a sucker for that kind of stuff. What was the last quote you read somewhere, and who said it? “Speak your mind even if your voice shakes,” Ruth Ginsburg. We truly lost a hero. Have you heard any song mash-ups (when they put two or more different songs together) that you like? If so, which? Oh, quite a lot, I love those! The first one that comes to mind is “Centuries” by Fall Out Boy and “Radioactive” by Imagine Dragons. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had in 2014? Well, this is old. But anyway, I had one. How often do you say ‘lol’ in a computer or text conversation? Quite a bit. Idk, it just changes the tone of what you’re speaking. Whose hoodie did you wear last? My own. Have you ever listened to music you hated just to fit in? Ha ha… not devoutly, but I’d explore “cool” metal bands to try to get into. I didn’t make myself listen to them if I didn’t like ‘em, though. What’s an interesting fact about you that not many people know? Hm. Well, I don’t consider it “interesting,” but very few people (besides the Internet lmao) know that I essentially stole my then-best friend’s boyfriend by mutual flirting to the point he broke up with her and wanted me instead. I cut that shit the fuck out once he told me he loved me. It’s one of the things I’m most ashamed of. What do you want to do after high school? I’m long past high school, and let’s just say things are NOT going as planned lmao. At all. I had such, such a different vision. Do you do anything embarrassing when no one is home? No. If you had the chance to move to a completely different state/country, would you? I deadass want to move to Canada but am unwilling to move so far from my family. How old were you when you stopped believing in Santa? I don’t know age; it’s funny, I tend to remember things by school grades versus my age. Even in this situation, though, I’m not positive. Towards the end of elementary school, maybe? Do you have any saved texts? Yes, from Sara and Ashley. Do you ever play online games with your friends? Which one(s)? Once upon a time, my friend/”big brother” Sam and I would play WoW together every day and just chill out over Skype. He helped keep me company during my worst depression. We haven’t played together in quite a long time, though. I should message him. Which emoji did you use most recently? The upside-down smiley face on Facebook. Who was the last person to cry in your presence? Mom, probably. Or one of my nieces or nephew. Do any of your friends have small children? Yes. One of my closest friends had her son not even two weeks ago. Do you ever wear accessories in your hair? Which ones? No. What kind of fruit do you like? A good chunk of it. Strawberries, apples, grapes, pineapple, bananas, peaches… Is there anything you've always wanted to do that you've never told anyone? *shrugs* Maybe. Do you flush the toilet with your hand or your foot? ”I use my hand at home and in other people’s bathrooms, but I use my foot in public washrooms.” <<<< Same. What is your Myers-Briggs Type Indicator? (Ex: ENTP): INFP. Do you read any blogs? If so, which ones? No. Would you rather have curvy legs or skinny legs? I’d prefer to have an in-between. What is your favorite game show? Family Feud with Steve Harvey. How many times a day do you use the restroom? Hm. Depends on how much I drink. What was the last thing that made you cringe? Idr. What is your favorite ‘80s movie? I’m not sure, given how I don’t tend to recognize movies by decades. Do you have your own car? No. I don’t drive. Who was the last person who drew you a picture? I commissioned someone on deviantART to draw My Child Jaw and it is so FUCKING beautiful. Would you rather hold a scorpion or a snake? I love snakes, so guess. How do you usually get your exercise? I don’t, but that’s going to change when we FINALLY fuckin move. I’m going to walk as much as I possibly can because we have a sidewalk. Who are your godparents? Idk if I even have any. Are any of your siblings married? Three are and one is engaged. What does your phone case look like, if you have one? It came with a plain purple one. What is something you can draw really well? I think I’m pretty good at meerkats. Best field trip experience? The zoo in the 5th grade. One and only time I’ve seen meerkats irl. What is the most amount of money you’ve spent on a meal before? Idr. It’s very rare I can pay for anything because I don’t have an income, but with gifted money and stuff, it was probably when I paid for my mom and I to eat at Olive Garden. I don’t recall how much it was, but OG isn’t cheap, so. Who was (or is) the teacher that gave you the hardest time in school? Idk. I had good teachers. What is the strangest thing you’ve ever seen outside of your house? I don’t know. Nothing exciting. Do you ever feel self-conscious when you eat around other people? Not really, no. There are cases where I do, like if I take too big a bite or something, but generally I don’t. Everyone has to eat. What is the worst thunderstorm you’ve experienced? I recall one in particular during my era of being terrified of them when we were on the way home from a friend’s house and there was INSANE lightning. I was crying so much in the back seat. I think I have experienced worse ones, that’s just the one I remember because of how much it terrified me. How quickly can you write an essay? Pretty damn quickly once I get into the groove of it. Have you ever had problems falling asleep in class? No. What bug frightens you most? Oh yikes, idk. A lot of bugs scare me, honestly, particularly if they surprise me. Probably rhinoceros beetles. Are your parents supportive of you? Very. Have you ever participated in a mock trial, or a real trial? No. Have you ever had sex in someone else’s bed/bedroom? lol oops Have you ever had sex on your bedroom floor? How about your living room floor? YIKES this survey getting frisky but anyway idk. When you kiss someone, do you like to play with their hair? Yeah. Do you regret sleeping with anyone? No. Do you ever brush your hair before you go to bed? No…? Your hair is just gonna get messy while sleeping. Have you ever asked anyone out? Do you prefer to do the asking out, or wait to see if the other person will ask? Yes. I don’t really have a preference. Have your parents ever disapproved of anyone you had a relationship with? Not to my knowledge. When’s the last time you ran? HUNNY Brittany doesn’t RUN. Have you ever stayed online for a long time waiting for someone? Oh yes, I did that A LOT with Mini back when we were younger and RPed together like every day. Who or what sleeps with you? Roman, my cat. Would you wear a boy/girlfriend’s clothes? I somehow wound up with quite a few of Jason’s pj pants?????? But anyway yeah sure, I would. If it fit, anyway. Do you return your cart? I am a lazy person. But not that lazy. Do it. What noise do you hear? I’m currently listening to NateWantsToBattle’s cover of “Feel Good Inc.” Would you survive in prison? No. No. I know I’d try to commit suicide. Do you remember the last movie you saw while on a date? The IT remake with Girt. Have you ever cheated on someone? No sir. Do you kiss on the first date? I never have, but not saying I wouldn’t. BUT I most likely would not just because I reserve kisses for someone I really, really like. Usually by the first date I wouldn’t know that yet. Are you into sports? Nope. Have you ever used your bra to hold things like you would a pocket? HAHA I don’t think so. Who knows a secret about you that no one else does? My ex-therapist. What is your longest relationship to date? 3 ½ years. Who ended the last relationship you were in? It was brought up by her, but it came to be a mutual decision. Have you ever gotten back with an ex? No. Who was your first prom date? Jason. Have you ever dated someone more than three years older than you? For less than a day. Have you ever been used? I don’t think so. Do you like when I guy takes you by surprise and kisses you? This is making quite a few assumptions, but anyway, if we’re in a stable relationship, generally yes. It’s cute. Would you be more likely to date a redneck or a goth? My dream partner would be a goth, hnnnnnnnnGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG. Has anyone ever sung to you? Yes. Do you like massages? EW don’t touch me like that unless you’re my s/o. Have you ever been skinny dipping? No. When was the last time you spent the night at someone else's house? The last time I was at Sara’s. What scares you more, spiders or snakes? Spiders. Does it matter if a guy has a sense of humor? If he’s a romantic interest, yeah. Would you ever get implants? No. Have you ever had a crush on a sibling's friend? No. Have you ever dated someone with a child? No. I’m quite sure I wouldn’t. Have you ever dated someone of another race? For less than a day. Have you kissed anyone today? No. What was the last topic you read about? I beliiieeeve… Metallica’s new album. Have you ever participated in a fundraising campaign? I think? Again, I don’t have an income though so I’m unsure. Do you know how to knit? No. What’s your go-to order from KFC? I don’t go there. What was the last album you listened to in full? Oh man, there’s no telling. I generally don’t do that. Do you use pepper to season your food? Sure, that’s a common enhancement. Do you know anyone who has an unusual pet? Probably somebody. Have you ever known anyone who was homeless? My mother, Nicole, and I technically were at one point, we just had spectacular people let us live with them until we got a new place. Did you have a treehouse when you were younger? No. One does not simply build a treehouse in pine trees. Have you ever played Magic: The Gathering? Guys. Guys. For many many months now I’ve been dying to and idk why. That game was one of Jason’s favorite things in the world and so he taught me it how to play, though I never fully got it because there are a LOT of rules. When I had my PS3, I had one of the Duels of the Planeswalkers games, and I miss that shit. What are your thoughts on role playing games? Fun fun. What is a band you can't stop listening to right now? I’ve been seriously into 3TEETH lately, as well as Solence. Have you ever had a panic attack? LOTS!!!!!!!! Have you ever entered a talent competition? Naw, I don’t have an exceptional talent. Are you indecisive? Ridiculously so. Are you smiling in your Facebook profile picture? It’s actually one of my brightest smiles I’ve ever taken a selfie with. I look way happier than I am lmaooo. Describe your hometown. What's it like there? Small, notoriously dangerous. Do you have any expensive hobbies? You could say photography given the various lenses and other materials available, plus editing software subscriptions. What is the oldest online account that you still use? My email, probably. What was the last video game you beat? I wanna say it was the last time I replayed Silent Hill 2. Long time ago. What's your favorite Studio Ghibli film? I actually haven’t seen any. Have you ever been really passionate about something but then lost interest? If so, what was it? Yeah, sure, like various entertainers/bands/musicians, TV shows…

#survey #surveys #quiz #questions #questionnaire

[tiffersthenerdyficrecs]

BakuDeku Lemon Fics

(*) Indicates my most suggested read.

Blinding Brilliance by SecretKiwi

Rating: Explicit Archive Warning: Underage Relationship: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku Additional Tags: Canon Compliant, Pre-Relationship, Explicit Sexual Content, Dry Humping, Blow Jobs, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Masturbation, Awkward First Times, Praise Kink, top!Midoriya, bottom!Bakugou, Post kacchan vs deku Summary: The fact that Katsuki could even think Izuku looked down on him was mind-blowing. Baffling. He’s only ever looked to Katsuki with stars in his eyes; with a wide-eyed fascination that could only be rivaled by All Might himself. “Y-you thought of me that way…?” Izuku’s voice is soft, unsure, and honestly? Hurt. He couldn’t see how his constant commendation and devotion could ever be seen as something negative. _ Deku and Kacchan work out their feelings towards each other, and Izuku proves to him that his admiration was always sincere.

Orange Lace by Devasta

Rating: Explicit Relationship: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku Characters: Bakugou KatsukiMidoriya Izuku Additional Tags: Daddy Kink, Lingerie, Fluff and Smut, Established Relationship, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Bottom Midoriya Izuku, Top Bakugou Katsuki, Anal Plug, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Praise Kink Summary: He'd pressed it in with wet noises and his lips brushing Izuku's ear, promising a good, hard fuck if his kitten kept it in the entire time. Katsuki definitely isn't a liar.

Sucker Punch by guess ill die (richkid_asshole)

Rating: Explicit Relationship: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku Characters: Midoriya Izuku, Bakugou Katsuki, Todoroki Shouto, Jirou Kyouka, Yaoyorozu Momo, Iida Tenya, Uraraka Ochako Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Sex Drugs and Rock and Roll, Porn With Plot, Finger Sucking, Rough Oral Sex, Oral Fixation, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, katsuki's in a band, izuku is bad at being spontanious, Bakugou Katsuki Swears A Lot, Dirty Talk, writing these tags is more embarrassing than writing the fic itself wow, spot the life is strange reference lol, momo and kyouka are together but they're barely there so im not gonna tag their ship Summary: Izuku never did anything without a plan, without forethought, without looking into every possible outcome and weighing the pros and cons of each. But something about Katsuki made him want to be impulsive.

To Break Down His Walls by Alistairz

Rating: Explicit Relationship: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku Characters:Bakugou Katsuki,Midoriya Izuku Additional Tags: bakudeku, Smut, Fluff and Smut, Senior year, blowjob, handjob, makeout, Anal Sex, Anal, Rimming, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Accidental Stimulation, Romance, Overstimulation, Aftercare, Oneshot, Piercings Summary: A warm and breezy night as spring fades into summer, Bakugou Katsuki and Izuku Midoriya spend their evening together laughing away their worries playing their favorite childhood video games. (Innocent enough, right?) But things take an unexpected turn when a daydreaming Izuku reaches for a bottle of soda, and their lives are forever changed.

Give Me Strength by CounterKnight291543

Rating: Explicit Relationship: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku Additional Tags: Smut, Blow Jobs, Face-Fucking, Praise Kink, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Bakugo likes to feel superior, Midoriya just wants to make him feel good, References to Canon, But UA is more of a university, Aged-Up Character(s), i'm sorry for this sin Summary: Seeing how much Midoriya has grown is making Bakugo feel weak. Thankfully, his childhood friend is on hand to change that.

Be Good by Whinyskeleton

Rating: Explicit Relationship: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku Additional Tags: BDSM, Edgeplay, Vibrators, Dom!Izuku, Light Bondage, Tears, good ones though, Finger Sucking, Praise Kink, Lingerie, whats the tag for being stepped on, basically katsuki gets wrecked, OOC Summary: Katsuki was naked except for the leather collar on his neck and the ropes on his arms, binding them behind his back. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, Izuku between his legs, rubbing his hands up and down Katsuki's thighs reassuringly. His hands were warm, strong, confident. He slowly grabbed a bottle of oil off the bed and began rubbing it over Katsuki's chest while whispering into his ear. "Are you going to be good for me today?"

Soft Spots by Saysi(Lots of chapters)

Rating: Explicit Relationship: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku Character: Class 1-A (My Hero Academia) Additional Tags: Blowjobs, handjobs, lots of porn, Lots of plot, Making Out, Masturbation, Anal, D/s undertones, Long, Canon Universe, Possessive Bakugou Katsuki, Because some people misunderstood this is NOT set in first year Summary: Midoriya and Bakugou don't have the best of relationships - except when they find themselves alone. Bakugou quickly finds himself developing a soft spot for the nerd.

Stopping All Stations by glamour_weeb

Rating: Explicit Relationship: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku Additional Tags: Consensual Non-Consent, Exhibitionism, Rape Fantasy, Public Sex, Verbal Humiliation, Established Relationship, Crossdressing, Rape Roleplay, Anal Sex Summary: Izuku begs Katsuki to roleplay as a pervert that feels him up on the train. Katsuki only agrees if Izuku wears a slutty school girl uniform. They both get a little bit too into it.

Shelter in the Storm by baku_bean

Rating: Explicit Relationship: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku Additional Tags: Aged-Up Character(s), Established Relationship, Characters Are Pro Heroes (My Hero Academia), Snowed In, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Riding Summary: After his first plans for Katsuki's birthday fall through, Izuku surprised him with something else. When THAT goes awry and he tries to blame himself, Katsuki reminds him of what was really important from the start.

Body Talk by erza_mikazuki

Rating: Explicit Relationship: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku Characters: Midoriya Izuku, Bakugou Katsuki, Kirishima Eijirou, Ashido Mina, Uraraka Ochako, Todoroki Shouto Additional Tags: Clubbing, night club, Strangers to Lovers, Love at First Sight, Anal Sex, Oral Sex, Top Bakugou Katsuki, Bottom Midoriya Izuku, Love Hotels, First Meetings, Sexual Tension, Resolved Sexual Tension, Flirting, Porn With Plot, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot Summary: Izuku Midoriya loves letting lose on the weekends. Dancing the night away at the night clubs with friends and drinking. Izuku is a tactile person. He gets high off of attraction & flirtations acted out via body language. That raw desire for close physicality; no words exchanged. Letting the body handling unspoken words. It was just another night out with friends; until he locks eyes with crimson red eyes that seem to want to eat him whole. The attraction between them is instantaneous; drawn to one another like magnets. Izuku just wants to dance with him.

Sweet Nothings by LoveOn_970

Rating: Mature Relationship: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku Additional Tags: Established Relationship, Aged-Up Character(s), Light BDSM, Fluff and Smut, Marriage, Body Worship, Anal Sex, Bakugou Katsuki Swears A Lot, Top Midoriya Izuku, Power Bottom Bakugou Katsuki Summary: Katsuki would never admit it aloud. He thought his husband was strong, of course. Being Number One does that to a man. But... he would do anything for Deku. Anything.

Safe Haven Massage by SurelyHeavenWaits *

Rating: Explicit Relationship: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku Additional Tags: Pro Hero Bakugou Katsuki, Quirkless Midoriya Izuku, Massage Therapist Midoriya Izuku, Massage, Aged-Up Character(s), Smut Summary: Kirishima and Kaminari have been badgering Katsuki for weeks to accept this gift certificate to their favorite massage parlor until Katsuki finally and grudgingly accepts, despite his suspicions. Which is how he finds himself here, naked as the day he was born and getting rubbed down by a man with the voice of an angel.

You Wonderful Motherfuckers by BeyondPhantomhive

Rating: Explicit Relationship: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku, Sero Hanta, Kaminari Denki, Ashido Mina, Kirishima Eijirou Additional Tags: Pranks and Practical Jokes, Fluff and Crack, Smut, Dirty Thoughts, Dirty Talk, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Getting Together, POV Alternating, Gift Fic, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping Summary:In which the Bakusquad unwittingly get Bakugou and Midoriya together through a series of pranks.

Party Wall by TheBadIdeaBears

Rating: Explicit Relationship: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku, Todoroki Shouto Additional Tags: Meet-Cute Neighbors, Masturbation, Alternate Universe - No Quirks (My Hero Academia), Mutual Masturbation, through a wall, it's a weird arrangement, like Pyramus and Thisbe but with masturbation, there's a reference no one will get, Misunderstandings, Kissing, Boys Kissing, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Wall Sex Summary: Izuku moves to a new building and half of his stuff is missing. Thankfully he has a hot new neighbour he can ask for help.

TGIF by Tokiji(Part 1 of the Tickets Straight to Hell series)

Rating: Explicit Relationship: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku, Dabi (My Hero Academia), Kirishima Eijirou, Ashido Mina, Kaminari Denki, Sero Hanta, Todoroki Shouto Additional Tags: mentions of tododeku, mentions of todobaku, College AU, Party, Aged-Up Characters, No quirks Au, Drinking, Penetrative Sex, Rough Sex, Lord help these dorks, Mentions of Kirimina, Mentions of Kamijirou, Dirty Talk, Sex Jokes Summary: “If tonight was a one-time thing, I get it. But, I dunno, you look decent enough to hang out with, so.” “How flattering.” The arms around him tightened ever so slightly. “I don't… Um.” Deku leaned back until they sunk into the couch together, like a small escape from the world spinning around them, and whispered against his lips, “I really, really don't want this to be a one-night stand.” Katsuki hummed and bumped their noses together. “Do you think we have a chance?” “At this?” Katsuki waved a hand at the non-existent space between them. “I… honestly don't know.”

A Million Answers by Tokiji(Part 2 of the Tickets Straight to Hell series)

Rating: Explicit Relationships: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku, Side Kirishima Eijirou/Ashido Mina Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku, Kirishima Eijirou, Ashido Mina, Kaminari Denki, Sero Hanta, Todoroki Shouto, Uraraka Ochako, Iida Tenya, Shindou You, Jirou Kyouka Additional Tags: No quirks Au, College AU, Fluff, heavy smut, Angst, Why do all of my fics have angst, Semi-Public Sex, Established Relationship, see you all in hell Summary: “Oh?” Katsuki grinned, a mixture of disbelief and bewilderment. “And how the fuck do I look at you, Deku?” “Like I’m the dumbest, shittiest, dorkiest nerd on the planet.” Deku laughed. “And like I’m… Like I’m worth the world.” “And a shirt.” “Yes. The world and a shirt.”

Go Hard by hottamale

Rating: Explicit Relationship: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku Additional Tags: Aged Up, 17/18 - Freeform, technically underage i guess, Sneaking Out, Anal Sex, 69, Power Bottom Midoriya Izuku, late night adventures, Car Sex, Blow Job, eating ass Summary: They always say being a teenager is the time to make stupid decisions, but no one talks about the laughs and good times that go hand in hand with them. With the cool metal of his dad's car keys resting heavy in his hand, Katsuki is more focused on that dumb, bright smile and shitty green hair than the possible consequences of their actions.

rabid. by SageMasterofSass

Rating: Explicit Relationship: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku, Kaminari Denki, Kirishima Eijirou, Ashido Mina, Sero Hanta Additional Tags: Smut, this is rly just porn yall theres a plot but it ain't much lmao, Werewolf!Katsuki, Knotting, Biting, Drooling, Xenophilia, as in Katsuki is shifted but aint an actual wolf, Cum Inflation, Rough Sex, Anal Sex, as always in my fics izuku has a size kink, and also as per usual katsuki has a filthy mouth, Dirty Talk, Size Kink, Possessive Behavior, Breeding Kink, knotting dildo, it doesn't get used tho, why use a toy when u can have a real dick? :) Summary: “Does this mean someone wants to fuck Bakugou?” Kaminari asks curiously. “I think it’s the other way around,” Mina says with a grin, and throws Katsuki a wink when he glares at her. “Obviously someone wants his giant werewolf co-” “Hey!” Katsuki snaps, cutting her off. “Knock it off, I’m not fucking anyone!” Famous last words.

Online: Grind Zero by chocolatechipplague *

Rating: Explicit Relationship: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku, Todoroki Shouto, Kirishima Eijirou, Kaminari Denki, Endeavor (mentioned) Additional Tags: Camboy Bakugou, Makeup Guru Bakugou, Prohero Deku, Makeup Sex Test, lipstick stains, Blowjobs, Rimming, Sex, Anal Sex, Cum Eating, Messy, Endeavor_Sucks, BOTTOM BAKUGOu, top midoriya, Aged Up, NSFW, Sex Toys, Cock Ring, Plugs, hint of fluff, Grind Zero, Quirkless Bakugou Katsuki Summary: "Listen, you want your eyeliner sharp enough to fucking kill a man and there's no fucking point going out if your highlight ain't poppin’," Grind Zero commented as he brushed powder across his cheekbones, adding a soft shimmer to his face. He looked into the mirror and pushed his lips into a pout, just to see how it would look before dragging his brush through the powder again, a little more to the top of his cheekbones for the dramatics. He reached for his eyeliner pencil and pointed it to the camera. He pushed his lips into a pout just for the effect before lining the dramatic wings he wanted to create on his eyes over top the smoky eyeshadow he had finished a few minutes prior. "If you're not thinking about murder as you strut in the club, just go the fuck home, Becky. You're embarrassing yourself." Katsuki bakugou is Japan's most loved camboy, taking a focus on makeup and testing its durability with help from his boyfriend prohero Deku, not that Grind Zero's fans would know that little detail.

Caught Up by Mikacrispy *(2nd in the 'Get On My Level' series. Can be read as a standalone. I do suggest reading both because quality.)

Rating: Explicit Categories: F/M, M/M Relationships: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku, Ashido Mina/Kirishima Eijirou, Jirou Kyouka/Kaminari Denki Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku, Class 1-A (My Hero Academia) Additional Tags: Age Difference, Aged-Up Character(s), Canon-Typical Violence, not slow burn, Bakugou Katsuki Swears A Lot, Sassy Midoriya Izuku, BAMF Midoriya Izuku, Bakugou Katsuki Can't Catch a Break, Smut, Bakusquad (My Hero Academia), Pro Hero Midoriya Izuku, Pro Hero Bakugou Katsuki, Characters Are Pro Heroes (My Hero Academia) Summary: Midoriya Izuku returns home after living three years away from the country to become the best hero he can... But it is not just his fighting style that improved, the young man now is handsome, assertive and very straightforward. Bakugou Katsuki was not ready for it. (This work is sequel to my other fic Get On My Level, but it can be read on its own.)

Stupid Twink Finds Another Way to Pay Horny Mechanic by decadentbynature

Rating: Explicit Relationships: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku Additional Tags: Some Kind of AU idk, Extremely Dubious Consent, Blow Jobs, First Time Blow Jobs, Public Blow Jobs, mechanic Bakugo Katsuki, Dirty Talk, Short One Shot, Drabble, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Kissing, Rough Oral Sex Summary: Izuku gets a flat tire and being unprepared for such an event, is forced to call for a tow truck. One arrives, being driven by an aggressive, loudmouthed mechanic who introduces himself as Bakugo. Everything is going smoothly...up until Bakugo asks for payment and Izuku realizes that he doesn't have his wallet. That's alright, though, Bakugo has another way for him to pay.

Addiction by MiraChaDoodles

Rating: Explicit Relationship: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku, Kirishima Eijirou, Uraraka Ochako, Kaminari Denki Additional Tags: Pro Hero Bakugou Katsuki, Porn Star Midoriya Izuku, Denial of Feelings, Bakugou Katsuki is Bad at Feelings, Shameless Smut, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Fluff and Smut, Getting Together, Eventual Happy Ending Summary: An abundance of freckles smatters his sun-tanned cheeks, and dark green waves curl around his face. But Katsuki gets hung up at his eyes. They’re huge and green, innocent and filled with tears, just li— Wait. Holy shit. Is that... Deku? --- Or... the first time that Katsuki gets off to a porno, Deku turns out to be the star.

Side by Side by Mikacrispy

Rating: Explicit Relationship: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku Additional Tags: One Shot Collection, Original Character(s), Fluff and Smut, Domestic Fluff, Age Difference, Established Relationship, Aged-Up Character(s), Characters Are Pro Heroes (My Hero Academia) Summary: Series of oneshots where we see moments of the lives of Katsuki and Izuku now that they are side by side.

Sequel to Caught Up.

Secret Touch by OneDayShipping *(Updating/Incomplete)

Rating: Mature Archive Warning: Underage Relationship: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku Additional Tags: hinted non-con, mentions of wet dreams, language because bakugou, Masturbation, my own breed of crack psychiatry, loads of assumptions and BS on my part, Minor Original Character(s), some other characters from the series are scattered throughout, Hand Jobs, Coming In Pants, blowing loads on shirts Summary: Quirk Discovery AU. Quirks manifest up until the age of four. After no quirk seemed to manifest within him, Midoriya went about his frantic studies of heroes, meeting All Might, receiving One For All and attending UA. However, this seemingly quirkless teen is about to discover that he had a quirk after all.

oak tree by crunchrapsupreme *(Author says they intend to finish this fic this year.)

Rating: Explicit Relationship: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku, Ashido Mina, Kirishima Eijirou, Kaminari Denki Additional Tags: Bottom Bakugou Katsuki, Top Midoriya Izuku, Smut, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Choking, Rough Sex, Dirty Talk, Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, college party, midoriya has big hands and bakugou has a tiny waist, Light Dom/sub, Light Bondage, Recreational Drug Use, Riding Summary: Bakugou's words die in his throat as he glances into the archway of the living room to see a small crowd of people surrounding a guy with unruly green hair. His back is towards him, so Bakugou can’t see his face, but Bakugou's eyes widen as he sees the dude actually lift a girl up in the air over his head, then back down, and then up again - and it’s then Bakugou realizes the dude is legit bench pressing a fucking person. "Yeah, I'm gonna ride that," Bakugou says.

The Benefits Between Us by dat_heichou *(Updating/Incomplete)

Rating: Mature Relationship: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku, Class 1-A (My Hero Academia), Bakugou Mitsuki, Bakugou Masaru, Midoriya Inko, Midoriya Hisashi, Yagi Toshinori | All Might Additional Tags: Future Fic, proheroes au, Aged-Up Character(s), they're 24/25 in this, Friends With Benefits, Mild Sexual Content, Sexual Humor, Canon-Typical Violence, hurt/comfort elements, Bakugou Katsuki is Bad at Feelings, Emotional Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, side ships include iichako kirikami miritama, references manga spoilers in the plot, Alcohol Summary: It was never meant to be a serious suggestion. But of course, Deku has always been someone to rise up to Katsuki’s challenges. It’s both his best and worst feature, after all. In which the Wonder Duo agrees to release the stress of being pro-heroes together and discover that sometimes being friends-with-benefits can mean being better friends.

Crybaby by lalazee(Updating/Incomplete)

Rating: Explicit Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationship: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku Additional Tags: Phone Sex, Dirty Talk, Smut, Secret Identity, Identity Reveal, Power Play, Romance, Comedy, Romantic Comedy, Drama, Childhood Friends, Alternate Universe - Different High School, Shiketsu High School Students, Phone Sex Operator Bakugou, Canon-Typical Violence, Blood, Stitches, Semi-Public Sex, Character Study Summary: That awkward moment when you have phone sex with your childhood best friend and neither of you realize who is on the other end. A love story.

#bakudeku #katsuki bakugou #midoriya izuku #midoriya x bakugou #bakugou x midoriya #bnha #boku no hero academia #mha #my hero academia #fanfic #fic rec #fanfiction #lemon