#anyway inbox open as always it is easier to write you something if it's related to my current brain rot topic but i get to everything

[actual-changeling]

This post is something that can actually be so personal and no I am not done talking about it. There's a whole concept behind it and the fucking hair ties are just one way of channeling it but oh boy is it a good one. This works so well with the hair braiding too and i cannot think about it to much or i will spontaneously combust, but I had to so I hope you enjoy the result of it.

-

Joel has a hair tie on his wrist because Ellie forgets to take a spare and when the first one breaks or she loses it somehow, he can offer it to her before her hair becomes an annoyance.

He has one because she gives it to him sometimes when they're laying on the couch and her ponytail makes resting her head on a pillow or against his chest uncomfortable. At times she also takes it out simply because her scalp is especially sensitive that day and the constant pull becomes painful after a while. There's always another one in his jacket pocket, too, so when Ellie asks him for braids afterward or allows him to do her hair he isn't limited to simpler styles.

It starts with hair ties in Jackson but there are months of different acts preceding it.

Joel carried whatever he could for her, taking more than necessary sometimes because the slim line of her shoulders being weighed down by her backpack made his heart ache even when he couldn't admit it to himself back then, not at first at least. There are water bottles, sweatshirts she cannot quite fit into hers that day, all of their food, whatever first aid materials he can find, even a spare bar of soap.

Then he starts carrying hair ties once they get to Jackson and suddenly he needs to keep a brush on him, too, and with the brush comes a comb and with the comb comes a hat and with the hat comes a homemade creme he traded for since her hands are uncomfortably dry sometimes (she never said so but he knows her), and after that what started as a small piece of twisted fabric turns into him carry a bag around that is filled with everything his brain thinks Ellie might require at some point. Sure, maybe he is being a little bit overprotective and maybe Tommy jokes about getting him a purse several times, but he can offer her sunscreen and a bottle of water during summer, he gives her gloves and a scarf in winter when she doesn't remember to put them on before leaving, there's always one of her books in a side pocket, too, and as soon as he finds her a new one, her Walkman gets an especially safe place in his bag.

And yes, he fusses over her a little bit too much, maybe even to the point of being smothering sometimes (she always tells him to back off when that happens and he does without complaint), but Ellie grew up utterly alone and without someone to look after her for fourteen years, she deserves to know what it is like to be cared about by someone. Whatever she asks for, whatever she needs, he gives it to her even when she could walk home and come back with the thing in question in less than ten minutes. There's always a snack, a spare sweatshirt in case she gets cold, space for the one she takes off when she gets too warm, a small sketchbook and a pencil both as a distraction and so she can draw whenever she feels like it.

No one pays any attention to it, and while Tommy softly teases him about it from time to time, the smile that blooms on Ellie's face when he quietly gives her something she needs based on nothing but hardwired instincts before the words leave her mouth tells him everything he needs to know.

Joel might not be good with words, but he continues to carry a bag and hands her little pieces of his love time and time again, hoping she can put the puzzle together, hoping she knows.

Ellie does the same, hoping Joel notices it, hoping he knows what it means, that with every time she tells him to rest, every cup of coffee on his nightstand, every night spent in his bed when she wakes to the mere suggestion of a nightmare and brushes them away before they can settle so she can put herself in their place instead, every trashy action movie she borrows from the library for their weekly movie night, every handmade guitar pick she gifts him, every single gesture she does not have to do but does regardless because she wants to, she is saying I love you, too.

They notice, they care, they willing hand over carefully chosen parts of themselves and the puzzle they piece together is one and the same, because paying attention to things is how they show love and it is oh so easy when there is nothing to look at but each other.

#alex writes tlou #the last of us #tlou #joel and ellie #joel miller #ellie williams #fanfic #miller family #episode 3 reference because i go insane over half the lines they say fucking craig i hate you i hate you what did you do to my brain #also i finally got the bill and frank strawberry shirt and i am wearing it right now and i am in love #two old gay men living a happy life in the apocalypse is actually so defining to me as a lesbian #does that make sense probably not but its true #anyway inbox open as always it is easier to write you something if it's related to my current brain rot topic but i get to everything #eventually i just wanna do it properly

[dulcewrites]

Fool Me Once (pt 2)

Pairing: Aemond targaryen x reader (wc: 3.6k)

Summary: Despite learning about Aemond cheating on you, life has never been sweeter. Who knew being so bad could be so good.

Warnings: manipulation, mentions/allusions to pregnancy issues, mentions of self harm

A/N: first, I just have to say thank you for the response to part 1. I truly had no idea it would get the reception it would. Thank you to everyone who followed me as well. I hope I can continue to produce stuff y’all like. I’m hoping to write more hotd stuff, Aemond and non Aemond related. I plan on taking a small hiatus but will be back around thanksgiving weekend. I will be writing on/off during that time but just away for a trip/the holiday. If you have any hotd requests my inbox is always open. I would try to get them out either before my hiatus next week (11/16) or after it ends (11/26). I’m pretty open to writing any character, though I will warn you I’m way more fascinated by the greens so they just come easier to me. Anyway please reblog, like, and follow if you read anything you enjoy 🫶🏽🫶🏽. And some housekeeping: in this Aegon is not r*pist who enjoys watching children fight (the hotd are truly…. not right for the cartoonishly evil way they wrote Aegon). He’s just petty and neglected. Also the timing of this is different from the books bc Aemond meets Alys pre dance.

Fmo masterlist

Blog Masterlist

A bastard Strong. The irony is not lost on you. Your straight-laced husband fucking someone who is the complete opposite you. Older, no kids, no title, and no duty to uphold. At this point, it doesn’t hurt anymore. Instead, it makes your blood boil in the most delicious way. Aemond’s betrayal made you realize how you’ve been going through the motions; endlessly sleepwalking, hoping one day Aemond would come around. It woke you up to how much he’s taken advantage of you. He sees your kindness, and aversion to standing out as a weakness. Something he can manipulate and twist like one of his daggers.

The both of you must have forgetten where you came from. A rich, well respected house. The only daughter of smart, albeit conniving, family that knows how to get what they want. Your family didn’t have dragons or absurd ideas of exceptionalism to help you gain power. You’ve learned that inflated egos and prideful indulges can cloud Targaryen judgment. A trait you hope skips your children.

Shame on you for thinking Aemond would be different. Shame on him for the carefully curated facade.

All you do after Larys Strong comes to you the first time is think. You can’t remember the last time you’ve had this many options in front of you. Your mother’s words about patience run through your head. Keeping your wits is key. Play your hand too quickly, and you lose all leverage. You have Daella and the babe in your belly to think about. You stood pat in the beginning; Lord Strong simply relaying messages to you. You make sure Alys gets the letter Aemond wrote, and the ones after that. Lord Larys makes sure you get the details of each letter exchanged.

When the days grew lonely, and your body aches because of the babe in your stomach, you think about the letters. The declarations of love and recounts of lust filled meetups simmer in your head, but it’s the mentions of you that makes the anger sizzle and crackle. It makes the guilt you feel wash away.

You question if the rumor is true. That his Alys is a witch. Does her magic allow her to see the way Helaena can? Fuzzy premonitions and dreams that only make sense after they happen; a gift and a curse. A part of you wishes it to be true. You hope while your stomach stirs with untold truths, hers stirs with regret. Maybe the pain that runs through you leaves an unfamiliar taste in her mouth. That she can’t quite put her finger on it, but she feels you.

You wonder if when Aemond prays, he asks the Father to protect him… to protect her. The same way when you pray, you ask the Warrior to help you find the courage to destroy him.

It started with a bruise. A bruise that you don’t even remember how you got. Maybe one of those things you just wake up with. But it’s there, on the inside part of your left arm. It’s starting to fade but an otherwise noticeable bruise that stands out when you wear something with shorter sleeves.

The idea doesn’t come to you till you see the curiosity in Alicent’s eyes when you absentmindedly rub the bruise while asking if she’s seen Aemond. It’s only you two in the walkway; an unusually quiet day at the Red Keep. Her eyes go from it to the far away look in your eyes. It makes her tilt her head in thought.

“No dear, I haven’t,” her eyes go back to the scratch. “Are you doing alright? I know for some, the second babe can be even harder than the first.”

You look down at your arm, and something just clicks.

“I’m fine,” you start, then you make your voice tremble a bit. “I will be fine. I think I’m just tired.”

You give her a strained smile, and she returns one that tells you she doesn’t believe you. You can feel her big brown eyes burning into your back when you walk past her towards your chambers. There could be two thoughts in her head: you did this yourself or someone else did it to you. Either way, her son’s sweet pregnant lady wife is not doing well, and her son is nowhere to be found. Queen Alicent is one of the smartest, if not the smartest, person you know. She sees the change in her son; the change in the dynamic between Aemond and you.

It hits you. It would be too easy to physically harm Aemond. Though the idea of taking the blade that hangs from his hips and putting it to his throat has crossed your mind more times than you’re proud of. It would be too easy to get Larys to kill Alys. You don’t want to give Aemond the satisfaction of having his whore’s blood on your hands.

Where’s the fun in killing when your rage could be channeled into something more… methodical.

Under all that false bravado is the little boy who got picked on for not having a dragon. To break the man means bringing out that little boy. A truly broken man can’t love anyone. Isolation, and self hatred. What a gorgeous combination for your dear husband.

If this is going to work you need to up the ante.

So, you write. If Aemond and Alys can document their love, you can document your pain. You sent your lady in waiting out to get a blank book from one of the maesters. The color dyed cow skin feels smooth under your hands. There needs to be a slow build. Each day you grow closer and closer to shattering. Whoever reads it needs to know Aemond brought you to this place. He is the villain in the story of the poor, innocent wife that did nothing but carry his children and try to love him.

It will read like a diary, but to you it is a creation. A mixture of truth and imagination. A manifestation of pent up feelings. Purging and revenge all rolled up into one. You make sure to mention how terrified you are for your safety, and for you children’s safety. How an angry or disenchanted Aemond is nothing to toy with, especially if he has a bastard witch on his side. How maybe life would be better for Aemond if you just weren’t around.

But this fading bruise isn’t enough. Neither is just having a diary that will be discovered in due time. A deep cut, a dark bruise, half hazardously placed hand prints.. now that could work.

There’s something cathartic about the pain you feel when the dagger slices through your skin. The blood is so red and warm. It smears so smoothly on the page. Blood on your dress, cloth pressed to the wound, and wandering the halls is how Ser Criston finds you. You notice the worried, confused look in his eyes when you stutter out an ‘I don’t know’ when he asks what happened.

As the maester tends to your wound, you notice how Alicent and Criston stand in the corner of Alicent’s quarters. They occasionally glance at you while they whisper to each other. You recognize the familiar crinkle she gets in her forehead when she’s upset. All her children do it too.

“Sweetling, we both think it might be a good idea to give you your own knight of the kingsguard,” she sits next you. “Just to help you and… keep an eye on you during this vulnerable time.”

You blink. Not one mention of her son. But it’s clear to see how Ser Criston is with his queen. Submissive, and utterly devoted. Having someone like that is an asset. So, you smile weakly and nod. The more people who see you in this way, the better.

Ser Quinton Throne was quiet in the beginning. As if he was scared to be in your space. A far cry from the rambunctious knight his brother, Rickard, is. Moving past the initial shyness, he is attentive and even indulges Daella’s fascination with him. Despite you telling her not to, she would always run up to him, tugging on his white cloak to get his attention. She likes having someone around just as much as you.

The distance between Aemond and you had started to carry over into his relationship with Daella. Kids are more intuitive than adults give them credit for. Your throat felt tight when you daughter finally asks where father goes. You lie; it comes easy to you, easier than you thought it would. It makes you think if this is how easy it is for Aemond to lie to you. Or for everyone to not gloss over the clear problems in your life.

You would lying if you said it wasn’t nice having a man around, even if it was his job. It was Aemond’s job to do right by you, and he couldn’t do that. A man carrying out his orders with a warm smile was welcomed. The comfort of having someone who sweared his allegiances to you, and only you, and intended on keeping them.

You look from your embroidery loop to see Daella and Ser Quinton sword fighting with wooden swords. It’s an uncharacteristically sunny day. Perfect to get much needed fresh air, and apparently going to battle.

“She’s gotten quite good.”

Like a storm rolling in to ruin a sunny day, your husband’s tone is ever cold and distant. You hate the uncomfortable energy that radiates when he sits next to you.

“Yes, she has,” you stare at the Lysene lilac flower starting to come to life on your loop. “He’s good with her as well.”

You know he won’t like you saying that. He hates Quinton being around, and he especially hates how Daella taken a liking to him. Aemond scoffs and mumbles something under his breath you can’t make out.

“It’s just lovely having real protector around,” you continue to push your luck. “Someone so attentive and… strong.“

You look at with his a sickening sweet smile. He opens his mouth to say something, a complaint or rude comment since those seem to be the only reasons he talks to you, but he is interrupted by Daella yelling out for him.

“We’ll talk about this later,” he mutters to you, getting up.

“Oh you’ll actually be here long enough for that?”

The words slip out your mouth and it makes him turn to glare at you. It reminds you of the gossip you heard about him when you first arrived at court. How cold the king’s second son can be. It should’ve been a warning to you.

Quinton takes it as his cue to leave them be; you know he can sense how much Aemond doesn’t appreciate his presence. You watch as Daella clings to her father. As selfish as it sounds, you patiently wait for the day she too realizes he can’t be depended on.

“My mother used to make me embroider,” your knight’s voice breaks you out of looking on. “Something about being dangerous with a needle is just as great as being dangerous with a sword.”

You take a good look at him. If Aemond is the moon - ethereal, mysterious, and always changing, then Quinton is the sun. Bright, forward facing, and shines brighter with time. His choppy black hair, beard, and warm standing in contrast to your husband’s Targaryen features.

“Sounds like a smart woman,” you smile as he sits next to you.

His eyes linger on your embroidery work before traveling to you right arm. The blade wound was just starting to scab and scar over. His first day on duty was marked by seeing your husband give a long lecture on safety and ‘using your brain’ after Aemond saw your wound. The blade cut wasn’t under pure circumstances, but the look of resentment on your face was real. He saw that. He’s never asked what really happened to your arm.

“How are you my lady,” he whispers. You told him he can address you by your name, but he still insist on the formal names especially around others. “Is the babe giving you trouble.”

Ser Quinton, Helaena, and Alicent are the only people that seem to care about your well being, on top of the babe’s. Aemond concern went making sure the babe was fine to just not asking all together. It’s better that way, you think. You don’t think you’d be able to take fake concern about your little ‘mistake’.

“My bladder is being pushed on, I’m finding clumps of my hair on my pillow, and Maester Oliver told me this baby will weigh more than Daella did,” you reply lightly. “But other than that I’m doing fine.”

This pregnancy had knocked you on your ass. You’re sure the stress and thoughts that consume you don’t help. You know how it feels to come into a fracture family; it makes you feel awful for the babe in your stomach. Your parents tried hard, frankly too hard, to pretend things were good between them. Trying to prove their union was more than a duty for their houses. Till this day, you don’t know what’s worse: knowing they didn’t share that love or the years you watched them fake everything. They had ambitions, and to carry them out there needed to be an appearance of an united front. You took your father’s lead, knowing he always tried to have your best interest. The relationship you have with your mother often ebbing and flowing, especially since your marriage.

When you ravened your mother about your pregnancy troubles, she tells you that this is your responsibility to your husband. Harsh and utterly true. You don’t know if your father ever had indiscretions like Aemond, but you know she’d never plot the way you do. Her calculating nature showing up in different ways. Instead of going after him, she chose to focus on elevating you.

Her and Queen Alicent remind you of each other. Devoted to a fault. A victim who had no other choice but to fall in line.You pray for the both of them. Pray that they find peace with the sacrifices they’ve made. Pray that you never get that far. A shell of yourself. Duty, responsibility, cleaning up others’ messes - what a dull way to live.

“Once he’s out, I’m sure it will all be worth it,” says Ser Quinton, voice not wavering.

He’s trying to be kind, mentioning the working theory in the castle that you’re having a boy. You try to smile at the thought. It’s hard to believe that. Plan or not, you still have to know the truth about the father of your children. There is hole left in your heart about that. Him disrespecting you is one thing, but his words pertaining to your unborn child is another. A sudden spurt of anger rushes over you thinking about everything. It makes you stand abruptly.

“I’m feeling tired,” you watch as Daella pretend to stab her father with her sword. Her giggles ringing out when he reaches to pick her up. The dichotomy of Aemond Targaryen will always fascinate you as much as it terrifies you. How he manages to smile in her face, and lie to yours is quite a sight to watch. “I’ll send Margret out to get Daella.”

Waiting for the perfect moment is not going to work. There no time like the present.

The stiff upper lip of this family is something you noticed the moment you stepped into their presence. It’s seeped into the way they gatekeep a dying Viserys. Alicent is cold and collected in the most beautiful way. A sharp glittering icicle. A pretty rose littered with thorns to keep you admiring from a distance. Even Helaena, who you consider a friend, keeps certain things close to the chest. It’s better to keep the full truth away from her.

But there’s Aegon.

Pitiful, and lonely Prince Aegon. A drunk with a bad attitude. But he’s also the most painfully self-aware person you know. There will be times that you and him exchange looks, as you are in on the joke. That everything is a farce. One day someone will just come up and say it’s all been a bad dream. You think it’s the reason why he frustrates Aemond so much. The teasing on top of him never taking the Targaryen name seriously. Aegon spends his days trying to drink and fuck his way out of thinking about his life. Stuck in a royal cuckold. The first born son of a king with nothing to show for it.

He’s messy, nosy, and so openly brash. He’s your missing chess piece. The perfect pawn.

You leave the diary around places in the castle you know he will be. It’s not until you conveniently leave it in the play room where all Daella, Jaehaera, and Jaehaerys all frequent that you know he’s taken the bait. His lilac eyes seem to follow you whenever you two are in the same room. It takes days for him to confront you; book in hand and wry look on his face.

“Is it true? Everything you wrote?”

You stroke your belly while looking at him, a small smile on your face.

“Does it matter that if it is,” you tilt your head, and his eyes glitter with something you’re not used to seeing.

He mirrors your head tilt with a full blown smile on his face this time. It’s like a bright light after weeks of darkness. A person who also sees through the bullshit that enraptures once you call yourself a Targaryen.

“I greatly underestimated you my good sister,” he whispers. You know he’s thinking about his own words. ‘Pretty but horribly dull’.

“That’s fine,” you motion to the seat next to you. “You can make it up to me.”

Queen Alicent stands facing the fire. Aegon, Helaena, and Ser Quinton off to the side. All of them standing across from where you sit. Aegon gives you a knowing look while Quinton’s eyes are filled with pity and anger. Pity for his princess, anger towards his prince. Helaena looks like she wants to say something.

“I… do not know what to say,” her voice is strained with pain. You know this hurts for her. The image of the perfect son being destroyed. The pedestal she put him on crumbling before him.

You’ve gotten better at crying after Aegon told you tears will be necessary to sell it. It’s an automatic response now. The perfectly timed emotion that breaks like flood gates when Alicent holds out the diary. You say you’re embarrassed. That you never meant for anyone to read it, especially not anyone in the family. Aegon gets to be the concerned good brother. He rubbed your back, while his mother called for Helaena. She needed to know who else knew about this.

“I can say what everyone is thinking,” Aegon pipes up. “He’s a fucking cunt.”

“Aegon.”

His mother turns to glare at him, but it doesn’t deter him.

“Walking around with that self righteousness just to fuck a Strong,” he scoffs. “Calling his child a mistake?”

The words makes Alicent sigh, and squeeze her eyes shut. Helaena continues to play with her fingers with a quizzical look in her eye. If Aegon of all people can judge, the actions must be bad.

“This all my fault,” you decide to take it up a notch. Your breath catches. “I must’ve done something to deserve this.”

“Oh my sweet girl,” Alicent walks over and sits next to you, pulling you into her chest. “None of this is your fault.

“I just don’t know what I did to deserve this,” you continue. That part is true; what the seven hells did you do to deserve this marriage? “This, and the baby, and missing my family. I’m just so unhappy here.”

Alicent strokes your hair. You can feel her heart thumping in her chest. You can tell she’s upset and scared. Scared for what your unhappiness means. You’re a risk now.

“Maybe… my father can come and visit. He hasn’t been here since Daella was born.”

After you got married, your parents left court to tend to your house. They felt their work was done. That the marriage was as far as their political ambitions can go. They visit from time to time to see their granddaughter but normally you’re the one who has to make the trip.

“Of course,” you can see the wheels turning in her head. “I’m sure the Hand would love to pick his brain on some things. Your father has always been so kind and helpful”

Queen Alicent is as predictable as she is smart. Your dad thought your marriage would help him get a seat in the small council. When no offer came, his ego was bruised. If your marriage couldn’t, maybe a desperate Alicent can. The idea of sending a raven about the news makes you have to bite back a smile. An ally in an castle full of strangers.

“I’ll speak to Aemond about this,” she nods to herself. “You don’t need to be worrying about this in your condition.”

The disappointment is clear in smooth voice. Before you can reply with a thank you, Helaena finally piped up.

“A baby’s green eyes spurs brighter skies.”

She mutters it before looks at you curious. You look down at your swollen belly, feeling confused. Neither Aemond or you have green eyes. You try to push the sinking feeling out of your stomach. Even Aegon, who normally ignores Helaena’s cryptic language, has perked up a little.

You take a look at Ser Quinton… his eyes as green as spring grass.

Ok this is my first one doing a tag list, so I’m sorry for those I’ve missed. It only let me do 50??? Idk it’s it’s different on desktop or I’m doing something wrong. Hopefully I can find a more conducive way for this. I also only tagged people who specifically asked: @afro-hispwriter @crispmarshmallow @unabashedlyswimmingtimemachine @its-sam-allgood @lol-im-done @grey-water-colors @sassysaxsolo @justsumstufff @lilithskywalker @dc-marvel-girl96 @bekky06 @claudie-080102 @cloudroomblog @shelbythequeen @crazylokonugget @solacestyles @instantpeachpeace @katyadenauer @nsainmoonchild @deeeeexx @iwanttohitmyself @rosa-berberifolia @noisyinfluencerstrawberry @princessmiaelicia @bregarc @castellomargot @thesadvampire @chaosmagiq @icarusignite @happinessinthebeing @flavorofsalt @wishfulwithwine @slut-for-eddie-munson @rosaryos @mistalli @inana-mm @winxschester @papery-maniac @nolongereviliwantlove @fultimefangirl @missusnora @skinmittensgoblin @duckworthbean @b00kdiary @chiyausu @alexandra-001 @tachibubu @juneisreading @mariaelizabeth21-blog1 @verycollectivecreator

#aemond x oc #hotd imagine #my writing #sorry for the delay.. the tagging kicked my butt 😭 #also if there’s typos I’m sorry 💀💀 #also sorry for once again leaving it ambiguous… couldn’t help myself #aemond targaryen x reader #black!reader #aemond x reader #aemond targaryen imagine #Aemond targaryen

[lovedazai]

greeting mai <3

while i do not consider it entirely impossible to top chuuya, he will basically always top and i think a large part of it (looking into his psychology) has to do with the sheer amount of trust in another person it takes to allow them to take control of you in that way, especially in such a vulnerable state. even if chuuya could technically throw them off with his ability, he wouldn't be letting them top if he felt like he might do that anyway.

relating to soukoku, specifically with dazai, who can cancel chuuya's ability, i think the likelihood of dazai always topping chuuya isn't very high. (i know half the fandom believes otherwise, and you're not wrong for your own interpretation, this is just how i see it. i also think it would be way easier to top dazai, let me know if you want me to tell you why).

not to say that chuuya doesn't trust his partner, whoever they may be. keeping his guard up is just instinctual with how many times he's been stabbed in the back.

i think that as a top, he enjoys the power rush that comes from it, and he also likes knowing that he's doing a good job and taking care of you (he takes pride in providing for you, likes buying you gifts, wants you to know how loved and appreciated you are).

there's definitely a safe word established between the two of you (as there should be in every relationship) and i think that would help if you ever brought up the idea of him letting you top. (like actually top, not him being a power bottom while you ride him)

assuming that there's already a mutual sense of trust between the two of you to the point that chuuya would be comfortable sitting back and letting you drive things forward, the next trickiest thing to get over would be his pride.

he's already a bit insecure physically (about his height) so being topped by someone would only add to that embarrassment. you can't degrade him, let him know that there's nothing to be embarrassed about, but you also can't over praise him, he doesn't want to be treated like a baby.

paint the idea as something you're doing because you want to make him feel good. maybe it's to help him destress, or to pay him back/reward him for all the times he's focused on your pleasure. just don't forget to tell him how good the experience is for you too.

he's a bit of a tsundere, so he'd probably hold himself back a bit at first, but if you can get him to really relax and allow himself to enjoy it, he'd be melting into the bedsheets. especially if you touch his hair. please run your fingers through it. please scratch at his scalp. please give it a light tug. he's a puddle.

-

anyways, i obviously have a lot of thoughts on chuuya nakahara, he's very interesting to analyze. if you have anything to add or contradict i'd love to hear it.

thank you for coming to my ted talk

*bows*

me & u are on the same page nonnie !! i think chuu would pride himself on providing for his s/o in all ways including sexually. i can only imagine chuuya letting u top him if he was feeling esp worn out / sleepy or if it was like a little treat cus he knows u like it. he def loves the dominance that comes from being on top of u, i personally think chuuya is an ass man & prefers positions where ur back is to him

im not big into skk content cus of how ppl mischaracterize dazai & esp chuuya :< i feel like chuuya gets feminized in a way that isnt accurate to him at all. even in the way he speaks he comes off very masculine (i’ve never watched the dub so mayb it comes off less strongly in english) no offense to anyone who writes or likes content like this, its just a pet peeve of mine. i totally agree w u, the way i view skk is dazai is the pretty princess, hes the one who wants to be taken care of & babied & the little spoon

ty for ur perspective nonnie <33 if u ever want to let out any other thoughts my inbox is always open !! mwah!

#valentines #ʚ shhh ɞ

[sureuncertainty]

alright personal post time related to the last post i reblogged

soooo i’m a system! i’ve known this for quite some time now (since the beginning of the pandemic actually) but haven’t been able to be super open about it for a LOT of reasons. however we’ve become more comfortable talking about it and i’ve decided to open up about it on here bc this is something that is a (obviously) big part of our life and there are very few places where we can be open about it and this is one of those places where we can be a bit more vulnerable. 

i just reblogged a post that goes into more detail about plurality itself, aka multiplicity, being a system, etc. which essentially just means multiple people sharing a body. specifically we have a form of OSDD, which is a dissociative disorder, but not the only way to be plural (and tbh i think we might be plural even without the OSDD we’re not 100% sure) plurality is a HUGE range of experiences and no two systems are fully alike, i kinda see it like neurodivergence where it’s just like... a form of existence that’s relatively normal just not talked about much

unfortunately, there’s also a very high population of gross sysmeds on tumblr (a big reason why I kept this part of my identity hidden for awhile) so if you, my follower reading this, are one of them, pls just block and move on i’d rather not argue our existence with you thanks byeeee (sysmeds or system medicalists basically believe that systems have to exist in a certain way to be “valid” or real, like having a certain amount of Trauma(tm) or being diagnosed with a specific kind of disorder, or having X symptom, etc. which is not true)

BUT ANYWAY as for what that means for us and our blog, here are some things about our system we’d like you all to know:

- we don’t REALLY have a system name (we kinda go by Rain but that’s still a placeholder) but will answer to whatever. Win works for all of us as well. Percy, myself (the one writing this) am the person you probably already know, and am pretty much always fronting at any given time, so you can assume that i’m here most of the time.

- i use i/me pronouns a lot too bc it’s easier and more comfortable, especially since i’m basically always around. sometimes we mean it in a collective sense (which yes i know is not grammatically correct but whatever we can do what we want)

- most of our system members are, as you might have already guessed, introjects of my OCs. any OC that I’ve spent any amount of time rambling about on here most likely exists as a fully formed person in our system and are the main headmates who I interact with on a daily basis

- we also have some fictives (introjects of fictional characters) of characters that are not OCs but none of them are currently active in our system

- our frequent fronters (headmates that are around a lot or at least often enough that you’ve probably interacted with them at least a bit if we’re friends) include me, Percy, my bestie Avery (fronting a LOT of the time, we’re basically cohosts at this point), Nyx, Kat, Roma, Emma, and Angel! (and more of our characters, but those are the most actively involved in our day to day life)

- feel free to say hi to any of my headmates if you’d like! in fact, we’d all love that!! we’re not very out as plural so it’s nice to have more people see us as who we really are, instead of just as characters who don’t really exist. it also helps us with distinguishing between ourselves bc we get hella blurry sometimes. Just keep in mind that they are not just characters but real actual people with their own thoughts, feelings, likes, dislikes, personalities, etc, and even though you might “know” them from reading things I’ve posted here about them, they don’t necessarily know you (although they might know who you are if we’re friends, especially if i know you irl)

all that to say, this is NOT an open invitation to come into my inbox with invasive questions, in fact, we’ll probably be closing anonymous asks for a bit preemptively just in case (we should be opening them again later). if we are friends/mutuals, feel free to DM me if you’d like to talk about it more or have questions. if we are strangers please do not do that lol. okay i think that’s it byeeee

#win rambles #this is so long lol #also we'll be probably updating our blog a bit accordingly #not sure exactly how we're gonna do it but we'll probably use tags to differentiate between ourselves and posts we make #win rambles is still a catch all #i'm probably overexplaining this (the autism is really jumping out) but oh well #so yeah feel free to ask me questions if we're friends

[cardiacginger]

　　　. 𝙥𝙞𝙣𝙣𝙚𝙙 𝙥𝙤𝙨𝙩

^ [ deets: its what the people crave! ]

below the line break, you'll find 𝐦𝐮𝐧 𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐨 , 𝐫𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐬 & 𝐚 𝐭𝐚𝐠 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 for your blog browsing convenience. feel free to check out the [ carrd ] if that's more your style ☆

⤷ follows back for @theostaltos

general blog cw // swearing, violence, toxic/unhealthy mindsets

　

　　　. 𝙦𝙪𝙞𝙘𝙠 𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩 [1]

mun is 24, she/her, writes out of CST in tennessee.

i'm amy, tend to go by trill on the internet, whichever is easier to remember. i never bite & i live ready to 'yes and' any ideas that come my way, so please drop in my inbox/dms. i always want to plot, the wilder the better. this blog is run very casually, but i do stay mostly on-topic and tag my ooc if you'd rather just see one piece content. also, full admission, i'm a fake fan that gets op info from my wife and youtube clips, so please forgive if i make a mistake about canon. long shows and my adhd simply cannot get along, but i adore this fandom and character so i work through.

i work a high-stress full-time job and my brain doesn't always choose Focus, so expect lulls and swells in activity!

　

　　　. 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙧𝙪𝙡𝙚𝙨 [2]

 [ 01 ]  all interactions are zero pressure! never feel obligated to message, reply, etc. i am never offended by you getting busy or stressed and not getting around to tumblr things.

 [ 02 ]  this blog is selective, but not limited to mutuals. feel free to shoot me a message / ask / meme if you want to interact! i’ll check your blog and follow if we vibe. if i’m already following you, i think you’re awesome and i actively want to rp with you, so feel free to shoot something over if i haven’t already.

 [ 03 ]  i have a busy life outside of tumblr and horrible adhd, so i have to ask for some patience for all things related to this blog. rp is for fun, not something to stress over, and i extend that understanding to myself as well as everyone i write with.

 [ 04 ]  all things nsfw and ooc will be tagged accordingly. see below for the tag list

 [ 05 ]  this goes without saying but i’ll say it anyways: no godmodding, no powerplaying, no nsfw content with or involving minors.

 [ 06 ]  multi-threads are loved and welcome! feel free to drop threads as you need, send in as many memes as you want, turn askbox replies into threads, write a bunch of starters and tag me; i’m always up for more, and will never bug you about old rps.

 [ 07 ]  i’m here for just about any ships, be them crackships, hateships, smutships, classic ships, all of them. i’m also here for every flavor of non-romantic connections. however, the right vibe isn’t always there, and i will always discuss any kind of relationship with my partner beforehand. i refuse to be pressured into shipping of any kind, and won’t push my ships on anyone.

 [ 08 ]  all threads and relationships are in parallel universes, unless otherwise noted.

 [ 09 ]  i don’t have an issue rping with multiple blogs of the same character. if i’m already writing with a law, and you’re a law, bring your law. the more the merrier!

 [ 10 ]  i’m open to rping with ocs as long as there’s a detailed page describing them. multi-muse blogs stress me out for some reason, but i’m always open to checking them out to see if they’re an exception. fandom crossovers completely depend on my familiarity with the fandom. like all things tho, shoot me a message and we’ll see!

 [ 11 ]  outside of crack threads, i tend to write multi-para response. no need to match length!

 [ 12 ]  i absolutely crave darker themes, and if i have limits for anything involving 18+ characters, the internet hasn’t found them yet. if you find one, i’ll tell you, and i’ll always respect my partners limits. that said, feel free to pitch your worst. we can be muse torture buddies ~

 [ 13 ]  i’m always open to aus, crazy setting/theme-smashes, and wild plots. i’ve usually got plenty of ideas to springboard off of, and i love co-building. you’re welcome in my inbox with or without concepts on-hand; we’ll make something!

　

　　　. 𝙩𝙖𝙜 𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩 [3]

 

[ 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥 ]

out of the c. ] // ooc posts

thread. ] // rp threads

askbox memes. ] // ideas, starters, etc that can be sent

answers. ] // askbox replies

amys art. ] // art by me

aesthetic. ] // just vibes

nsfw // sexual content

 

[ 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬 ]

spooky month 2022. ] // hallo posts for '22

 

Thanks for reading! ☆

#pinned post. ] #amys art. ] #click if tumblr broke the art link again (as it does)

[writingquestionsanswered]

Hi! I think I have just found out why I get stuck in the middle of my story all the time. I don't have an outline. I don't have it cause I don't like doing them and I don't know how, and I kinda just like going with the flow. But then I get stuck, for example, at my current stuck-point, where my main character is in a hidden library room of her future to be lover... And it probably won't matter in the story anyway! And I do that all the time, create situations like this because of lack of ideas... I have like the big picture and crucial points planned, but then things that come between look like this, like i had no idea what I'm trying to do. Any advice? Beside making outline...? Please and thank youuu!

Not a Pantser but Doesn’t Want to Be a Planner

If you consistently find yourself in the middle of a story with no idea where to go, how to get to the next major plot point, and writing in circles because you have nothing else to write, there are two things potentially going on:

1) You don’t understand plot and story structure.

2) You’re a planner, not a pantser.

Let’s Talk About Story Structure

Most of the time, when I talk to less experienced writers who struggle to write a cohesive story, it’s because they don’t understand plot and story structure. Even if you have the crucial points planned, if they’re not working together in a structural way, you’re going to have trouble connecting the dots.

Good stories aren’t just a bunch of random or semi-related big events that are strung together by a bunch of throwaway scenes. Good stories are more like a chain of dominoes... each scene or domino has to be placed exactly the right way so it will knock down the next domino when it falls. Stories work best when your protagonist has a goal, is working toward achieving that goal, and is fighting opposition from an antagonist or antagonistic force along the way. Every scene in your story should more or less be in service to that end. Every scene should position the next domino so it’s in just the right place to knock over the next one.

If you’re not clear on story structure, don’t be daunted. It’s really not complicated at all. My post Basic Story Structure will walk you through the important parts of a story. How to Move a Story Forward tackles it from another angle. Read through those and make sure your story is fulfilling those objectives.

You May Actually Be a Planner

There are essentially three kinds of writers:

writers who can write a cohesive story with little to no planning

writers who can’t write a cohesive story without extensive planning

writers who need a little bit of a plan, but can also wing it to some extent

The folks over at NaNoWriMo call these pantsers (as in writing by the seat of your pants), planners, and plantsers. The thing about all of these labels, though, is like literally every other label in the world, they exist on a spectrum. Not all planners are exactly the same. Not all pantsers are exactly the same. Not all plantsers are exactly the same. The amount of planning you need to do and the way you do that planning won’t be the same as some other planner.

And, the thing is, you say you don’t like to outline but you also say you don’t know how to do it... can you really know you don’t like to do something if you’ve never tried it? Outlining really isn’t that complicated, I promise. And following an outline doesn’t mean you can’t still go with the flow. Think of your outline as a map when you’re taking a road trip. The map helps you figure out which way to go, but it doesn’t mean you can’t take a detour along the way or change your route entirely.

Outlining Is Easier Than You Think

People get so daunted by the concept of outlining, but when it comes to writing fiction, outlining is just a catchall word for a variety of different planning methods. Some writers like to do a beginning to end in-depth summary as their way of outlining. Other writers like to do scene lists or timelines. Some writers outline simply by following a story structure template (like Save the Cat! Writes a Novel, or Larry Brooks Story Structure) and writing down each corresponding part of their story. You can find some different options in my post Creating a Detailed Story Outline. You can read about other outlining methods in my post Guide: How to Outline a Plot. You might also be interested in my post about doing Scene Lists, which is my personal method for outlining. And, as always, if you need more help understanding plot and story structure, you can read through the posts in my Plot & Story Structure post master list or feel free to send me more questions.

I hope that helps you get through your slump!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

Visit my FAQ

See my Master List of Top Posts

Go to ko-fi.com/wqa to buy me coffee or see my commissions!

#writing #writing tips #writing help #writeblr #writing community #writing advice #wqaadvice

[askaceattorney]

Dear Asexual-Deesasters,

Mod Edgeworth: 

If you want to know the answer to that question, go to this link.

Dear Skibot99,

Co-Mod: I’m fairly certain it was The Mod, but I don’t know for sure.  He actually had another one before it, made from an old Ace Attorney musical animation.  I haven’t been able to locate that video, unfortunately, but here’s the old banner:

Ah...  Those were good days.  Good days.

Dear Dawsongfg,

Co-Mod: It’s fine.  Besides, it won’t be too long before those letters are accepted, so maybe we’ll hold onto them until that time.

Dear skibot99 again,

Mod Edgeworth: The Lost Turnabout hands down. All logic is thrown out the window the moment Phoenix had amnesia. It’s clear the Judge knew something was wrong with Phoenix, so why didn’t he call for a recess or check on Phoenix? Not to mention Wellington was annoying. He’s probably the only character I would be hesitant to play as when answering letters, if only because he was so unbearable.

As for Turnabout Ablaze, I do agree that it is a drag to get through in the end, though the entire game of AAI was boring, aside from the game mechanics. As a case by itself, I wouldn’t put it as my least favorite, if only because I did get some funny parts out of it.  It also contributed to the overall story, whereas The Lost Turnabout could just be taken out and it wouldn’t effect the overarching plot.

Co-Mod: I’d probably have to go with Turnabout Big Top.  I honestly couldn’t figure out the part where you have to present Max’s poster without consulting a walkthrough.  Why couldn’t we just present Max himself?  Besides that, the ending was largely underwhelming -- the murder weapon was hidden under Acro’s blanket the entire time, but instead of seeing a screenshot of it there, we just have to imagine it.  Maybe it was a filler case, but that was no excuse for it to end so poorly.  Not to mention one of the witnesses was a literal puppet.

It’s hard truth, Trilo.  Live with it.

Dear skibot99 and Anonymous,

Mod Edgeworth: I… think I heard from her when the localization of DGS was announced? I know Mod Kristoph and Mod Maya introduced themselves when I came into the group. There’s a third person, but I only heard from her once. As for what’s going on with her… I don’t know.

As for the flooding the inbox, it’s fine. I won’t promise a letter or two won’t be deleted, but we may make an exception and I’d hardly consider 4-5 different letters flooding the inbox. However, I do highly suggest lowering your letter sending to no more than three a day to prevent deletion of your letters. The only time I’d say your letters are flooding the inbox is when you’re sending 10-20 of them, especially of the same letter, and we have to scroll down for a while to get to the next letter. We will only choose three out of that pile and delete the rest.

And yes, we do have a few that send us 10-20 of the same letter to multiple characters in the span of five minutes. Geez.

Co-Mod: Mod Paups has had to remain absent for personal reasons, and sadly, has recently communicated to me that she wishes to leave the blog entirely.  Thanks for all you’ve contributed to this blog, Mod Paups, and best of luck in whatever you do next!

(Referenced Letter)

Dear mungeondaster,

Mod Edgeworth: Since I answered this one, I shall answer your letter.

(^ Why do I always use this sprite? ^) Actually, the localization never specified if Manfred Von Karma was born in Germany or not. In fact, we never knew the German part until Justice For All when Franziska Von Karma was stated to have flown all the way from Germany. It never specifies any reason for this and fans were quick to jump to the conclusion that it means the Von Karma family were German, which… isn’t entirely true? Manfred Von Karma never said he lived in Germany and, for all we know, Franziska could’ve lived in Germany to study law or something.

Now, the OG does give us more specific detail on this, being why I answered this the way I did. In the OG, both Von Karma’s were born Japanese, but lived in America or at least have an estate there. It specified that they were originally born in Japan, which would be translated to LA, California in the localization. While using the OG canon isn’t normal here, I will use it, if the localization doesn’t specify things. In this case, it never specified if the Von Karma’s were born in Germany or if Manfred Von Karma lived in America. Since he had to wait out the Statue of Limitations for DL-6, we can assume he lived in LA for 15 years or more. That means he’s American.

I am still getting the hang of writing letters, but I try to stick to canon as much as possible. If you believe we’ve made an error in our letters, feel free to let us know, but also show proof, if we go against canon. We’ll be sure the letter is sent to the right mod or else fix it.

Dear  Bluedragoncody,

Mod Edgeworth: I... don’t know how to feel about that.

Also, I accidentally deleted your previous letter before this one when trying to post it on here. I’m so sorry about that. If you could remember it, would you send it again?

Co-Mod: I’ll just respond to this with an old classic:

Dear Aceattorneyismyjam,

Mod Edgeworth: I-I’m not a pro! I accidentally deleted an important mod question from bluedragoncody, because of my inexperience. Oof! Again, so sorry!

Granted, I am good with digital art and writing essays, but I’m still trying to get the hang of being a mod here. Believe me, I do get corrected on several mistakes I do here. I can’t really call myself a pro just yet. I’ve only just started becoming a mod here last month lol

Dear Dahlia,

Mod Edgeworth: I thank you for your support of this blog and my essay. Manfred Von Karma is also my favorite villain and someone I do feel is underestimated as a one dimensional villain. I think people hate him so much, because of how he ruined Miles Edgeworth’s life without looking at the bigger picture. They focus on the bad things with their black colored glasses without dissecting Manfred Von Karma’s character as a whole. 

One thing I love about this blog, even before becoming a mod, is that no one here ever portrayed Manfred Von Karma as the one dimensional villain. He can be snappy at times, but as proven in many of our previous letters, he’s also portrayed as being calm when threatened, polite at times and absolutely loves his wife and children. Yes, he’s a terrible person, but that’s what makes him so interesting. He’s a bad, evil person that does good things from time to time. It doesn’t justify any of his horrible deeds, murder included, but it does make him human.

Co-Mod: I’m...going to assume you’re a different Dahlia.  (I’m grabbing a Magatama of Parting just in case, though.  I’m sure you can understand.)

Anyway, thanks for being such a loyal follower!  This blog’s been through a lot of changes since it began, and since I joined it back in 2017, so I’m glad it’s still a good source of enjoyment for you.  I’ve seen all sorts of cringe by now, by the way (some of which I wrote myself), so don’t worry about it.

I’m also glad that the characters still sound like themselves and not like us.  The hilarious personalities and quirks given to them by Capcom’s writers, as well as the humanity in so many of them, make them easy to relate to, and thus fairly easy to mimic.  I may have said something like this before, but I see myself in a lot of them -- in Athena’s fear of inadequacy, in Apollo’s desire for justice in a world where it’s hard to find, in Sebastian’s confusion about where to go next after his world falls apart, and possibly even in the von Karmas’ desire for perfection.  I of course identify with their positive feelings as well -- Phoenix’s smugness when he gets things right, Athena’s joy after pulling off a victory in court, Adrian’s pride after her self-confidence is restored, etc. -- but there’s something about the struggles they face that make them easier to relate to, on top of being that much more awesome in the end.

Unfortunately, I can’t promise anything about this blog continuing on in perpetuity.  For one thing, I don’t plan on being around forever (I’m fairly certain the other Mods don’t, either), and for that matter, there’s also no telling how long Tumblr will be around.  All I can promise is that I’ll give my best while I’m here, and that the love from you and everyone else who shares it here is sure to be what keeps us going.  Thank you for your contribution!

Dear TurqouiseJavelin,

Mod Edgeworth: Hm... not bad ideas. Though, we mods choose our own mod names under the condition that it doesn’t match anyone else’s mod name.

Co-Mod: What Mod Edgeworth said.  Choosing the name “Mod Athena” may or may not increase your chances of being hired, though.  *wink, wink*

Dear Anonymous, 

Mod Edgeworth: Actually, Gregory was stated in the Autopsy to have died by a gunshot. However, you do bring up something interesting. If Gregory Edgeworth realized he was dead and last remembered Robert Hammond strangling him, he wouldn’t think “I died by the shot of a gun.” Since the Detectives weren’t aware that victim had died unconscious, they’d assume the victim would recall being shot and killed. This makes me wonder if Gregory Edgeworth was channeled, but never brought to court to be cross-examined.

There are still holes, but I do like your aspect on DL-6.

Co-Mod: Dang...  No matter how many times you come back to this game, there’s always something new to think about.  I honestly hadn’t considered those details about Yanni Yogi’s trial.  Your explanation makes the most sense to me, but there’s one other possibility regarding Gregory’s testimony -- he may have chosen to lie about who murdered him in order to protect his son from a murder charge.  That’s all open to interpretation, of course, so your guess is as good as ours.

It’s a good thing we’re not actual defense attorneys, huh?

-The Mods

#asexual deesasters #skibot99 #dawsongfg #mungeondaster #bluedragoncody #aceattorneyismyjam #young and vain #Anonymous #Mod Post #Mod Edgeworth #Co Mod

[sunbeams-and-honey]

Hello! What do you think about my placements?

Sagittarius sun (3h), Libra moon (1st), Virgo rising Sagittarius mercury (3h), Libra venus (2h) Cancer mars (10h), Sagittarius Jupiter (4h) and Virgo Saturn (12h)?

Thank you so much for your patience! I appreciate your effort a lot. ❤️

Hi darling! Thanks for the question and sorry about the wait.

Anyways, I've already gone over the following placements! Click on each one to find each respective post:

Moon in the 1st

Virgo Rising

Sagittarius Mercury

Libra Venus

Venus in the 2nd

Cancer Mars

Mars in the 3rd

Moving on, your Sagittarius Sun Libra Moon combination means you are rather balanced in that you are both intellectual and emotional. No only do you have this balance in yourself, you also seek it from the world around you. You don't exactly cope well with any kind of chaos in your surroundings. You are in constant pursuit of peace and harmony in the world around you. You are also quite free-spirited, meaning that you are more than happy to explore the world and go on adventures in search of this beauty. In fact, you need to be independent and free to do whatever you like, otherwise you start to feel constrained and restricted. You may give up a little too easily, but you doing make up for this with sheer self-confidence.

Your Sun in the 3rd makes you someone who is always on the lookout for new experiences and opportunities to learn. You're open to other people and their points of view. You love to analyse things, always happy to use the power of your own mind. You actually like studying, always happy to learn about new things. You also love to be able to then impart this knowledge on the people in your life. You're probably likely to continue your education throughout your life, whether that means going to university or by simply repeatedly finding subjects you end up studying. You might not even like school, especially if you're someone who doesn't like routine, but you love to learn. The amount of Sagittarius energy in your chart especially implies that you'd likely travel the world at some point, or at least learn a lot about other cultures and countries.

Your Mercury is in the 3rd too, which means that your interests are very varied and often surprise others. You might be seen as somewhat eccentric by the people in your life, taking an interest in things that aren't exactly mainstream. This is actually good because it makes you unique as a person, and means that you have a great deal of knowledge of a variety of topics. However, you being so spread out can mean that you easily lose sight of what is most important in your life. You are probably great at creative writing, as you have the natural ability to portray what you can see in your mind's eye with ease and eloquence.

You have your Jupiter in Sagittarius, which makes you someone who finds good fortune in the most unexpected of places. You always seem to have opportunities for fun and adventure presented to you. You're a naturally lucky person so you can usually count on the universe to be on your side, unless you have other aspects that would counter this. You have so much love to give and you always try to express this. You would hate to think that someone you care about has doubts about how you feel about them. You want to know everything there is to know about the world, especially if it's related to culture, religion or philosophy.

Your 4th House Jupiter means that you are charming and positive. You are lucky in that you tend to attract like-minded people into your life. You also attract general abundance and good fortune, especially when it comes to material matters such as your finances or possessions. This may have manifested at an early age for you, but not necessarily, so if it hasn't happened yet then please don't lose faith. You might be quite claustrophobic, or you simply need plenty of space at home. Your friends and family are the most important thing in your life, and you would do everything you possibly could if they were ever in need of assistance. You're quite a generous and kind person in general, not just with your loved ones.

Your Saturn in Virgo makes you somewhat of a workaholic. You are very effective and productive when it comes to your job or schoolwork. You're also grounded and down-to-earth, almost to the point where you tend to ignore your dreams in fear of not being realistically able to achieve them one day. You put the extra work in needed in order to achieve your goals, but because of this, you're not really the type to allow yourself a break when you need one. You might be convinced that you have to work for and 'earn' a rest, when this is simply not true. You can, and should, rest when you need to. It's important to take care of yourself because you deserve it no matter what, and you can't be as productive as you want to be if you're overworking yourself.

Your Saturn is in the 12th House, which means you quite like to be by yourself. You love to go out and have adventures with others, but you need time to recharge your social batteries afterwards. It's okay because that means you get the best of both worlds when it comes to being introverted or extroverted. You're quite meticulous in that you pay particular attention to the details of pretty much anything. This can manifest, however, as you overthinking and analysing everything that you do, making you insecure and scared that you've done something wrong or upset someone. You could also be the type to read too far into what other people do when they're around you. You're very spiritual and you may be quite creative with your spirituality, for example you may keep a journal documenting your spiritual journey which you'd make very pretty and aesthetically pleasing.

Words Of Advice:

Do things that bring you satisfaction in a spiritual sense.

Pay more attention to your friendships.

Make sure you take the time to show your good intentions.

Don’t be afraid to dream big; it’s good to have an idea of where you want to go in life.

Things become much easier when you calm down.

You can prevent some conflicts just by lowering your expectations slightly.

You can express your opinions without offending people.

Try not to get carried away with things all the time.

Pay more attention to the people you love.

Be careful with your choice of words.

Keep your nose out of other people's business unless they want you to get involved.

Cut out the toxic people in your life for your own safety and wellbeing.

You need to learn to let go of things, especially when it comes to you work life.

You don't need to pretend to be okay when you're not.

Thanks for the question darling and I hope this helped! Sending good vibes your way and have a wonderful rest of your day! And just a reminder for everyone else, my inbox is currently closed (I received this ask long before I closed my inbox) so please don't send in anything else! Thank you and I'll let you all know when it's open again!

#astrology #asks #faesereine #moon in the 1st #cancer mars #mars in the 3rd #libra venus #venus in the 2nd #sagittarius sun #libra moon #sun in the 3rd #sagittarius mercury #mercury in the 3rd #sagittarius jupiter #Jupiter in the 4th #virgo saturn #saturn in the 12th #Virgo rising

[hongism]

analysis of storge

hi so yes hello this is gonna be something that you’ll see following each part of colours of love. the primary purpose of this is gonna be to show you guys my process and how i work through scenes in my stories, and i can do these for other works if you’d like, you can just drop by my inbox and say ‘hey could we please see an analysis of [fic]??’ i’d love to give you guys some more insight on my process and how i figure out my own writing as well as just plot questions and things like that. if you wanna see these for a series that i have, rather than asking for the whole series to be analyzed, just ask for a chapter!! that way it’s easier on me to write the analysis and you guys to read the analysis!!

but anyway let’s get into an analysis from my perspective as the writer of colour of love part one: storge

So first off I’m just going to talk about Storge as a term and the type of love it is.

The word Storge comes from the Greek term στοργή (storgē). The most simple definition can be boiled down to ‘familiar love’. It is an instinctual and familiar love that looks and feels a lot like another type of love called philia (affectionate love felt between friends). Often times storge is more related to a couple kinds of relationships: parent-child and childhood friends. Just like philia, there is not a physical or sexual attraction shared between people, but there is a strong bond, kinship, and familiarity between people.

And although storge closely resembles philia in that it is a love without physical attraction, storge is primarily to do with kinship and familiarity. It is a natural form of affection.

So how does this apply to Colours of Love: Storge?

The relationship Mingi and the reader share is a childhood friendship. They have a strong bond, kinship, and a familiarity between the two of them. Throughout their relationship, they have been sharing an affectionate love. The reader continues to maintain this familiar love with Mingi – her storge – whereas Mingi’s feelings develop into something else.

The reader’s storge is the main catalyst of the story. She maintains this love throughout the progression of her relationship with Mingi – which in the fic lasts three months in total – and that familiarity she feels through her love for Mingi is what makes her feel comfortable exploring things with Mingi.

Now there are many things that Mingi does throughout the fic that are both frustrating and anger-inducing. This is purposeful and intentional, especially since you are reading from the reader’s perspective. There are subtleties throughout the story that show Mingi misunderstanding situations and emotions, as well as times where you as the reader are supposed to feel for him.

“I’m transferring to another school at the end of the week. There is no girl I’m into. Min Hyerin is just a random classmate that I thought could pass as a crush. I-I’ve kinda, uh, I’ve liked you this whole time.”

This passage from near the end of the fic is both Mingi’s confession about his feelings as well as his confession about his lies. This is the huge turning point of the story, and it is definitely the most anger-inducing part in the fic, I believe.

The immediate response I’ve seen to this part is “Woah he used her?”. On one hand, yes he did. However, taking a step back and looking at their original agreement:

“I-I don’t have any experience either so that’s holding me back from doing anything. So, why not… why not just learn together?”

Both reader and Mingi agreed to try things out with each other. This is really the start of bad relationship practices and decisions. They didn’t set proper boundaries or define what the relationship was; however, Mingi clearly stated on multiple occasions that if the reader was not comfortable or happy, she could cut it off at any time. He left an open invitation for her to end things. He continued being comfortable in the agreement while Reader did. What Mingi did by lying and tricking Reader into starting this relationship was wrong, but Reader carries much of the blame as well because the responsibility fell onto her shoulders once Mingi told her that she could end things.

Moving onto the other side of things, I wanna chat a bit about Mingi’s love throughout the story because his is not storge as the reader’s is. Mingi toggles between eros (erotic and passionate love) and ludus (playful love filled with infatuation). His actions are driven by a passion and infatuation with the reader. He’s exploring these newfound feelings for her and realizing that it is not just merely friendly feelings. During the first month of their relationship, the reader says this:

Yes, well, here you are a month later in his kitchen yet again (how many times this week?).

The ‘how many times this week’ is a nod to both eros and ludus. These things are happening in Mingi’s apartment so the assumption to be drawn is that Mingi is the one inviting the reader over to partake in more of these experiments. He is constantly wanting more and he is infatuated with the idea of progressing the agreement.

The reader also experiences these kinds of playful and erotic types of love while actively partaking in sexual interactions. Unlike Mingi though, she only experiences it in those moments. All other times, she experiences the familiar love storge that she is used to.

Throughout the story, I aimed to depict each character as a certain ‘desire’. I’ll go into a bit of detail as to what those desires are and why I depicted them in that way, but as a whole the story is a look at desire. It is meant to explore three types of desire - with more emphasis on Mingi’s and the reader’s desires - and show the consequences of each. This is a theme that will be prevalent in each part of Colours of Love.

Mingi: the desire for change

Mingi represents an unhappiness with things remaining the same. Partially due to his feelings for the reader, and hinted at in his lack of interest in the people who like him, Mingi finds routine to be fun for a time then boring after. He demands progress and change, and he is the kind of person who wants to initiate. However, he knew that the reader had her eye on someone else, so his plans for initiating things ended up changing when he learned that.

The Reader: the desire for things to remain the same

The reader represents a comfort in the ways things are. She does not like change and especially hates being the person who initiates the change. 

“No, you’re not. You’re going to watch him from afar like you always do and secretly pine after him in the desperate hopes that he might notice you or talk to you at some point without putting in any effort into making an actual move yourself.”

This passage from Mingi depicts how the reader has a routine in her life. She does the same thing over and over again because that is her comfort zone, and she hates branching out of that comfort zone. A common theme is this fic is that Mingi is constantly the one making the big decisions. The reader sets some ground rules -- not dating, no sex -- but Mingi is the initiator and he is the one pushing for change. 

So if the reader wants things to remain the same, then why did she agree to the arrangement with Mingi? It’s a matter of having those ‘firsts’, things you’ve done for the first time and who you did them with. Reader indicates that the lists of firsts she’s had with Mingi is not that long but entertains the idea of experiencing more firsts with him because of her storge again. She has a familiar love with Mingi and since things feel familiar with him, she is comfortable letting him push the boundaries a little.

Yeosang: the desire for balance and peace

Yeosang’s desire is not as prevalent or detailed as the reader’s or Mingi’s, primarily because he is not the main character of this part of the series. However, he represents the desire to keep the scales balanced. He is constantly flipping between being on Mingi’s side and the reader’s side. He seeks a balance and seeks the solution that will bring that to everyone involved. He is that smart part of your consciousness that warns you when something bad is about to happen or when you are about to make a bad decision. His constant interruptions happen when the reader starts thinking about when something is a bad idea. 

There are limits to how he shows this desire, however, and he doesn’t always express it. You can see this in these paragraphs from the third part of the story:

Last week, Mingi fingered you during movie night with Yeosang.

Two days ago, you gave Mingi a handjob in the back of a lecture hall. Yeosang was one seat over.

Yeosang is present and aware of the situation, he has already talked through things with the reader, and the assumption is that he has talked over things with Mingi as well. When these things are happening, he is not expressing his desire for balance or peace. This is something that will be detailed and become very crucial during his part of the series. I merely hinted at it here, but his desires and how he expresses them are both things that are crucial to his character.

This is kinda the end of my analysis but I wanted to just share some other ideas that I had while writing and why they didn’t make it into the final draft of the fic.

First: Reader asking if Mingi wants to have sex to get his mind off Min Hyerin having a boyfriend

Prior to finding out that his crush on Min Hyerin is nonexistent, the original scene included the reader asking if Mingi wanted sex to get his mind off things. It was meant to represent an absolute fall from grace and fall from what she valued and held dear. Mingi was supposed to agree and things were to progress. However just before having sex, the reader was supposed to have an epiphany and realize that this isn’t what she wanted at all.

The reason it wasn’t included in the final draft:

Two reasons, the first being that I didn’t think it would fit or flow well following the reader and Mingi’s argument in the car. That was a big turning point in the story, and I didn’t want to minimize the feelings off guilt or frustration by including the reader’s offer.

Secondly, I wanted to continue emphasizing how the reader was not the one initiating things. Her offering up the idea of sex would have directly contradicted that and made her prior choices irrelevant and unimportant, and that was something I tried hard to avoid. 

Second: the reader and Mingi going out on ‘dates’

Before I realized how long the fic was gonna be, I had the idea of including these softer and more pg moments of going to the movies, the park, a diner, any sort of date that was intended to be ‘practice’ for a real date. 

The reason it wasn’t included in the final draft:

The main reason I nixed those ideas was the length of the fic. I was already at 7k when I was trying to include the first softer date moment, and I decided that I should save myself the trouble and cut down on some things.

The other reason was because I really wanted this fic to focus on the Bad parts of their relationship. I didn’t want to try to justify what they were doing or make it seem like their arrangement was okay by including soft and happy moments. While they had those moments for sure, the intention was to show you guys as readers what was going wrong in the relationship and why. 

This whole series is an exploration of the good and bad parts of love, and some with be fluffy and happy, some with be angsty and painful, but that is all part of love and finding love. You can see the progression of the eight types of love on the masterlist for the series, and if you know what each type of love is and what they represent, you might be able to figure out which ones could end happily or which could end sadly. Frankly, I don’t even know how all of them end or what will happen in them. Storge turned out different than I thought it would in the best possible way, and I am happy with the final draft and what I was able to achieve in the fic. As this fic was written literally over the course of eight months, I would hope that you can see bits and pieces of my growth over time, even though I edited the fic heavily before posting. I also hope that you guys enjoy this insight and look into my process and how I wrote the fic as I had a ton of fun writing this analysis!! Thank you for reading, and I’ll see you at the next part of Colours of Love!

#colours of love #colours of love: storge #fic analysis #CoL analysis #ateez

[kaediisarchive]

𝐒 𝐇 𝐈 𝐏 𝐏 𝐈 𝐍 𝐆   𝐂 𝐀 𝐋 𝐋

          If you're interested in your muse having some type of relationship with Skarlet, send one (or more) of the numbers below to my Inbox or IM and I will definitely approach you about it through IM or dis.cord in the near future! I’m doing numbers instead of symbols because I know symbols don’t always work. This isn’t only for romantic ships; platonic and antagonistic dynamics are available, too.

          In terms of romance, Skarlet is bisexual/demiromantic and is open to a romantic/sexual relationship with people of any gender. While one-night stands and relationships based solely on sexual attraction are easier for her to engage in, she is open to romantic relationships, though she may struggle with pursuing romantic relations herself unless she has developed an emotional bond with the person of her affections.

          𝐑 𝐄 𝐐 𝐔 𝐈 𝐑 𝐄 𝐌 𝐄 𝐍 𝐓 𝐒  

We must be mutuals. 

You must be 18+ (preferably 21+ if you’re wanting things to get spicy between our muses but that’s not set in stone). 

If you are a multimuse, you MUST tell me which muse of yours you’re sending for! And, yes, it’s okay if you ask to ship multiple muses at the same time, just not in the same universe. 

No cheating plots or love triangles, please. 

We do not have to have written our muses together before, but understand that if we haven’t, I may want to test out the chemistry a little bit first before I sell my soul to a ship. But don’t worry, if the chemistry happens, it usually doesn’t take me too long to hop on board lmao.

And that’s all fam. I’m really not that hard to ship with. In all honesty you could probably just jump in my IM and say “HEY YOU ME SHIP NOW YES” and I’d likely agree. So, consider this more of a menu of dynamics or something like that to make it easier to ask for specific things.

𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐂 / 𝐒𝐄𝐗𝐔𝐀𝐋

1. Open to anything in this category!

2. Romantic + Sexual (The only difference between this option and the chaste option is the in-universe implication and ooc understanding between us muns that our muses are together sexually as well as romantically. Even if we acknowledge that our muses have a sexual relationship, it does not mean we have to write about those aspects of their relationship if you’re not comfy. I’m fine with smut/smutty headcanons but I know those aren’t everyone’s cup of tea, so don’t feel like you have to if that’s not your vibe fam!)

3. A Chaste Romance (For ace muses with no interest in sexual contact or muses who are otherwise abstinent by choice!)

4. Purely Sexual (friends with benefits)

5. Enemies / Rivals to Lovers

6. Ex-Lovers (rekindling)

7. Ex-Lovers (never getting back together)

8. A Political Marriage / Marriage of Convenience that becomes Genuine

9. Slow Burn ("Let’s still send shippy stuff anyway regardless of where our muses are in their storyline romance; I don’t mind jumping around in our threads!”)

10. Slow Burn (”Let’s hold off on the shippy stuff until our muses have worked into it in their main storyline; I’m not one for jumping around in the thread timeline.”)

11. Jump right into it! Yo let’s fucking GO!

12. I potentially want to be ship exclusive (for canon muses; means no shipping with another version of each other’s characters).

13. Other

𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐎𝐍𝐈𝐂 /  𝐅𝐀𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐀𝐋

14. Open to anything in this category!

15. Friends

16. Family (symbolic family)

17. Family (adopted or actual blood relation)

18. Mentor / Mentee

19. Enemies / Rivals to Friends

20. Exes to Friends

21. Not really friends, but have a relationship of mutual respect.

22. The Friendship that No One Understands (AKA friends who annoy the fuck out of each other yet somehow are still ride or die.)

23. Other

𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐎𝐍𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐂

24. Open to anything in this category!

25. Enemies that despise each other.

26. Enemies that respect each other but are still enemies.

27. Rivals (Not as extreme as enemies, but they compete with each other and can otherwise cause problems from time to time.)

28. Rivals that respect each other.

29. Friends to rivals / enemies.

30. Exes that will never get along.

31. Nemesis (attack on sight)

32. Hateship (claim to hate each other but can’t seem to stay away)

33. Enemies with benefits (like the above but with no romantic inclinations)

34. Other

#[shipping call] #send to my inbox or im please so I can respond in private and we can chat dynamics! #also it's 6am as I finish typing this so please excuse the inevitable grammar mistakes

[crimeronan]

ik youre not a therapist and i dont want like therapy or anything but im 17 and ive known i was bipolar for 3 years now and i dont know how im supposed to live the rest of my life like this. im so fucking tired. how do you stay alive

you sent this a couple days ago & i’m posting at a weird time so i’m not sure if you’ll see it but.  

i’ve been looking at this message trying to decide how to respond

because i don’t know your situation, your symptoms, how you’re feeling, whether you’ve had positive or negative experiences with medication, psychiatrists, therapists, hospitals, all that related shit

the bipolar life advice i give to people is vastly different depending on the individual. it’s not a one size fits all thing.  and there’s never even a guarantee that my advice will be the right choice

so since i don��t know about your situation or experiences or what you want, i’m not gonna tell you what to do.  i’m gonna focus on the “how do you stay alive” question and try to pen down some personal feelings. and if they help then great, and if they don’t then... this is the most honest i can be

(you can always ask another question to get a better answer. my inbox is a coin slot and i am a vending machine of varied-degrees-of-helpfulness replies offered at varied-inconvenient-too-long-intervals)

-

how do i stay alive

it’s a 2-parter, actually.  i pondered how to condense my thoughts/feelings, and it came down to these two things

1. love 2. spite

-

1. love

the spite is easier to write about than the love.  love is hard to reach when i feel like shit.

spite is where i go when i want to die.  love is where i go when i want to want to live.

maybe i don’t want to be alive.  but maybe i wish i did.  spite doesn’t help me much there.  spite keeps me afloat, but it doesn’t make the floating pleasurable.  there’s more to life than outlasting everything that ever hurt me.  i need a reason to continue when there’s no enemy to fight

so. love

i almost wrote about the spite alone because that’s rawer, realer, more visceral.  that’s the shit that CONNECTS when everything feels hopeless.  but it would be a lie of omission.  spite is only one of the major food groups, you’ll waste away from malnutrition if you eat it for every meal. or at least, i will.

“so you’ve got a bunch of people you love,” you say, “and you stick around for them.  cry on them.  support each other.  like each other.  fine.”  you’ve heard this story before

nah.

i mean - yes.  i have people i love.  i live with two partners, i’ve got a third girlfriend, i’ve got a long-distance platonic life partner.  i have a support net, i have a family i’ve forged, i have confidence that i’m not alone.  i have, in a bare-bones checklist sort of way, fulfilled my physiological human need for connection

but i could live without every single one of them.  i’m not dependent upon any of them for my survival.  i’m not dependent upon them for love, given or received.  (this isn’t a callous cruelty, it won’t hurt them if/when they read this.  i’ve told them all this, they know.  they’re glad of it.)

so.  what the fuck does “love” mean, then?

the short explanation is that it’s my love of life, of things in the world.  it’s all the little connections i’ve made.  every time i love something, a hook tethers to the universe.  hook enough tethers, and i no longer feel the need to float away.  no dissolution of self today, sir

the rest of this section is some of the things i love. partially it’s to show how i connect to little things and ascribe magic to the mundane.  partially it’s because i like thinking about things i love, i like typing them out, and i like that i could keep going for thousands and thousands of words.

i am laying in bed at 7:30 AM with the lights off and the shades drawn.  blue  light comes through the slats because it’s the better time of year, the one where i finally get vitamin D, the one where the birds chirp at 4AM, the one where the sky isn’t impenetrably black til 10PM.

there’s a weighted blanket tucked around my legs.  my partner rafi bought it for us to share because it’s soothing and heavy and comforting and helps with my physical pain.  right now it’s soft on my skin and if i get too emotional as i write, i can pull it over me like a cloak until i’m settled.

the apartment’s walls are blank because we’ve spent eight months intending to put art up and keep forgetting.  but there’s a newly-unearthed dining area in the kitchen because i finally shifted around the unpacked boxes that were dominating the space.  it’s new and it surprises me every time i walk out there.  it’s open and inviting and bright and it’s a sign that we’re making this place home.

we’ll put a cheap IKEA table by the window and we’ll probably never eat family dinners there - why would we sit in hard chairs and make stiff conversation when we could all cuddle on the couch - but my partner dev will create a place to do their art and the surface will be constantly littered with drying watercolor experiments.

we’ll hang our art one of these days, too, when our collective adhd offers a miraculous combo of remembering + having time + having motivation + having inspiration.  rafi has the most art because they’ve been collecting it for years.  i have to start smaller.  i’m not used to keeping physical objects.  dev has a few pieces thrifted or bought at local artist events or painted themselves

so we’ll put art up in the living room, my single “you are magic” flower print alongside a naked monster lady that dev fell in love with when we browsed art at a yuletide event months ago, alongside rafi’s monster girls and comic characters and book characters and literature art and quotes and abstract pieces and whatever else they have hiding in boxes.

my head protests that naked monster ladies do not belong in the living room, although the picture isn’t overtly sexual.  but then i remember that they do, actually, because it’s our space and we can do whatever we want with it as long as the lease isn’t broken.  there isn’t anyone in the local social circles who’d be perturbed by the decor, as far as i know.  i don’t have to hide anything from my parents because i live 3600 miles from them, and even though i miss my mom, the distance is good for me

there are two exquisite chairs on the porch.  they fold and recline from thrones to nearly-horizontal beds.  there are pillows and cupholders and trays and specific spaces for both a book and a phone.  i can sit there while the morning sun rises and read or play word games or browse tumblr, cup of coffee beside me, trees shielding my eyes from stabby sunbeams

there are remnants of the last tenant’s garden in one corner of the yard.  we’ve done fuckall for yardwork but plants struggle through anyway.  some seem to have sprouted by accident.  mushroom clusters populate the edges of the fence.  the apartment squirrel (there are probably several, but i like to think it’s a single energetic creature) runs back and forth along the fence & i always lose my train of thought & then laugh my ASS off at the “SQUIRREL! XD” adhd moment.  birds kick up leaf litter and play on the ground looking for insects to eat, they wiggle their tail feathers and flap their wings and sometimes they disappear and then return with friends

a little more than eleven months ago, i packed all of dev’s and my shit into a uhaul and drove and drove and drove to get to this city i’d never been in before to live with a partner i’d never cohabitated with.  we were homeless for more than a month, we weathered some financial disasters, we met some great people and some shitty ones

on the drive i fell in love with the sky.  i didn’t know how big it can get - actually, that’s a lie.  i’d FORGOTTEN how big it can get.  i’ve loved the sky thirty miles out to sea, no land in sight in any direction, just blue water and blue space above.  i’ve loved the vastness and the yawning beneath me and the knowledge that everything is BIGGER than i can fathom.  the depth of the sea doesn’t frighten me, it’s home. i don’t want to die, but if i had to, the ocean makes a soothing grave

in north dakota i discovered that i’ve been partially blind my whole life, which is a different tale that showed me i’ll never stop learning myself.  in montana we struggled up thousands of feet of mountains with the car huffing and puffing at the trailer’s weight, and when we finally coasted downward, it felt like sudden freefall.  we ended up in the pitch darkness of night on sheer winding interstates with midnight construction projects forcing detours.  the mountains felt hungry, they had teeth.  mountain cliffs are much scarier to me than the ocean depths

i bought a red bull and poured a little out the driver’s side door as an offering to hermes, because i’m not particularly religious but i’ll take help where i can get it.  slammed that back in a few gulps and shook to bright-eyed alertness and ended up behind a slow-driving red pickup truck that guided us over about a hundred miles of mountain terrain

i thought, that’s just some construction worker driving between sites.  the roads are empty at this time of night, but it’s an interstate.  of course we’d end up behind someone.  this isn’t divine intervention.  this isn’t the benevolence of a god

i thought, but it can be a little magic.  if i want it to be.  

and it was.  it stays with me.

god help me but i’ve been writing this stream of consciousness for more than 30 minutes and i’ve said nothing.  i haven’t talked about the city, the parks, the people, the conversations, the books, the tv shows, the movies, the communities, the library, the animals, writing, reading, singing, acting, swimming, analyzing, creating, supporting, building.  and i can keep going.  i can come up with hundreds and hundreds of things i love and i can write paragraphs about all of them

so i’ll stop here.  you get the picture.  love is the life i’ve made for myself, the surroundings i’ve built, the quiet moments i can capture, the inspiration i pin, the magic i commit to memory.

i had to work so damn hard for every single bit of this.

i’ll be fucking damned if i let it go because my brain tried to trick me into thinking death is better.

-

2. spite

there are people who want me to die.

i don’t mean that i have a giant entourage of personalized enemies who curse my name and plan my individual demise.  although there have been plenty of people who have not liked me much.  probably some of them would enjoy my death.  i don’t give a shit about that

there are people who want me dead because i am a dot on a grid they dislike.  a faceless anonymous enemy who meets too many bad criteria with numbers and percentages and shrinking majorities and shifting public opinion

because i’m gay.  because i’m bipolar.  because i’m autistic.  because i’m a dropout.  because i grew up poor.  because my spine curves and my shoulders ache.  because i squandered my potential, because i didn’t have enough potential, because i didn’t love god enough, because i love the wrong gods, because i don’t worship, because i worship wrong, because i didn’t seek a husband, because i never wanted one, because i talk too much, because i can’t be controlled, because i chose to leave the fold when i realized it was suffocating me, because i’m ugly, because i’m gorgeous, because my body belongs to me

pick your poison.

this bothered me growing up, a lot. i knew i did not deserve to die. but if enough people tell you that you should, a little part of you will wonder if they’re right.  that little part might become bigger the closer they get and the louder they shout and the longer they wear you down

we know the rough shape of this story, i don’t need to tell it.  mine was messy and not triumphant and i survived more by chance than premeditation.

i’m older now.  by and large i’m still young as shit - i’m 24 - but GOD i am LEAGUES away from 15, 16, 17. i know who i am. i know what i want. i know how to get it. and when i don’t know that, i find out. i tell the truth.  i ask for what i want.  i use my time how i want.  i do what i want.

there are days that i can’t access the “love” side of the equation.  no finding poetry in birdsong or sugared coffee for me, thank you, i feel like shit and the world is awful and everything is too big and fast and cruel and everything wants me to die and it wants everything i love to die, too.  everyone i love.  it’s all garbage. the good doesn’t touch me

trauma is difficult to describe.  the difficulty is compounded by the fact that my trauma is influenced by my various neurodivergences, bipolar included.  i never know if i’m feeling what other people do.  i don’t know if i’m voicing unpalatable feelings others are afraid to express - or if i’m just othering myself, admitting i’m not as human as everyone else.

there is something malevolent and monstrous inside me.  i don’t touch it all the time.  but i don’t pretend it isn’t there.  it sits in my chest and molders or radiates or oozes.  it presses at my throat.  it curdles in my stomach.  it hurts what it touches, whether that’s me or someone i love or someone i hate.  it sets things aflame with no regard for the precious or the fragile.  it tears down walls and razes shelters and begs for apocalyptic rain.

i can give this thing names, clinical descriptors.  i know what it is on a diagnostic chart, in a ponderous article, in an academic debate, in a fiction novel, in a war movie, in a memoir.  there are a thousand ways to describe this thing.  the descriptors aren’t important.  what is important is this - i have learned that most people do not walk side-by-side with a tornado-hurricane-hellfire-weaponized-open-nuclear-reactor.  this is not a “normal” expression of human emotion, this is not me trying to ascribe power to “bad bipolar feelings.”  this thing lives in me and i know why it’s there and it is not designed to be held/silenced/muzzled/controlled by my body.

it does not help to pretend this thing does not exist.  it does not help to try to reason it away or ignore it or tell it to stop.  it wants what it wants, it does what it does.  possibly if i was better at therapy or stubbornness then i wouldn’t resign myself to that

but it is fucking EXHAUSTING to try to fight something that’s part of me.  to try to reshape it, rename it, pare it down, make it consumable for the masses.  it’s a war i have never won and it’s a war that i will lose if i keep fighting it.  i cannot fight with myself.  i cannot beat my monster into submission.  if we’re gonna battle like that, head to head, me trying to cut it down, me trying to be the hero, it rearing back like a fire-breathing dragon,

then it’s stronger.  it’s always stronger.

so i surrender.

but that’s not where i stop.

can’t fight it.  can’t kill it.  can’t muzzle it.  can’t reshape it, can’t disarm it, can’t contain it.  

alright.  

so what now.

if the surrender was a full giving-up, this is where i’d passively accept that i’m doomed to hurt and destroy everything precious to me.  can’t fix it.  will lose everything, will never experience or deserve happiness, will make the world worse simply by existing.

that sure does sound like impending-doom rhetoric.  hop skip and a jump from some dire-ass conclusions.  

so fuck that, i say. 

here’s a better question.

if it has to get out, then what happens if i control where it goes?

here’s the thing.

the monster doesn’t care what it kills or destroys or hurts.  

“have a conscience, care about things, remember love, stop yourself, don’t do this don’t do this don’t do this.” 

 losing battle.  lost war.

 it’s not the monster’s fault.  the monster doesn’t have complex motivations or hates or fears.  it exists to protect me through scorched earth.  a remnant of a chemical imbalance, maladaptive coping mechanism, bipolar crazy, traumatized injury.  it doesn’t know that its job is obsolete.

i can’t change the monster.

but my mind is a separate thing.  my mind knows what matters, what my priorities are, what i find precious, what i want to protect.  my mind remembers all the things the monster doesn’t.  

my mind has learned things the monster can’t.

when i fight it head-on, the malevolence is stronger than me.  but as i am, walking with it, sitting in my bed writing this while examining the void and the consciousness, describing it, quantifying it,

that’s when i’m stronger.

and with my mind as the stronger force, i can decide where the monster goes.  what it touches.  what it destroys.  what it burns.  where the ashes land.

i do not want to be a destructive person.  i want to be someone who builds, repairs, changes.  i want to make the world better for kids like me.  i want to stop pouring more gasoline onto a fire that’s been burning since long before i was born.  i want to believe - i do believe - that positive change is better than negative.  i do my best to plant good things and enact that positive change instead of becoming a beacon of wrath.

but there are a lot of kids surrounded by people who want them to die, and not all of them have a protective monster.

so it’s good.

when i’m depressed, my mind loses its battles.  my cognizance slips.  i forget why i care.  i forget what i want.  i forget how happiness feels, how to find pleasure in quiet moments.  

i don’t get depressed as often as i used to since my meds are adjusted correctly now.  but it still happens.  it will keep happening for the rest of my life.

my mind weakens and curls up and stops fighting, and the monster is always there.

it’s a very powerful thing when it wants to be.

it wants to survive.

the thing is, it knows there are people that want me/us/whatever dead.  it’s been fighting them forever.  die like they want?  my mind says, sure, what does it matter.

the monster says, nah.  our work isn’t done.  and fuck them, anyway.

so we get up.

-

so that’s how i stay alive.

i typed this for 90 minutes and after editing i’d spent two hours on this post.  i don’t know if anyone will read it all.  i don’t know if it’ll mean anything.  i don’t know if these thoughts even make sense, much less if i’ve conveyed the feelings i have.

i love being alive.  and when i don’t, i love being a monster.  it’s good.  all of it is good.  i’ve reconciled my uglier pieces.  it’s not one or the other, love or spite.  it’s symbiosis.  i need both, i love both.

no guarantees that this is helpful, but based purely on my own life experience, these are my tips for survival:

you’ll have to find your own roots.  i can’t give them to you.  

but it’s possible to dig them in and spread them far enough that one uprooted peg doesn’t shift your whole equilibrium.  

and when you’re tired, rest, and let yourself be tired, and find the reason why you’re staying in the world. 

 i’m positive there’s at least one.

figure out why you’re losing your battles and then change the game.

if you can’t win one setup, don’t try to beat the system.  adjust your strategy.

you’ll be surprised by what you can love when you stop fighting the disparate pieces of you, and instead figure out how to use them.

#i have several other questions to answer in my inbox if you've asked me st over the past few weeks #im not ignoring it im figuring out how to phrase my reply #replies #bipolar blogging #actuallybipolar #my writing #life advice #long post #REALLY long post #it's under a read more but if mobile deletes it i apologize #c ptsd tag #suicide m #ok to reblog #Anonymous

[nillewritings]

You’ve Got Mail - Chapter Two

Chapter Two - The Time In Between

Pairing: Harrison Osterfield x Original Character (Elle)

Words: 1500+ words

Warnings: None… 

A/N: And here’s Chapter Two! I changed the email, that Elle wrote to for reasons, I don’t want to get into now. ALSO READ EVERYTHING IN THIS CHAPTER, AS THERE IS AN EASTER EGG FOR YOU BRITISH YOUTUBER FANS/LOVERS. The way that the easter egg is in this chapter and future ones, is inspired by how @kathscribbless have done so with certain characters in When A Heart Breaks. Again, this is in NO WAY related to the Tom Hanks / Meg Ryan blockbuster, “You’ve Got Mail”. It just has the same title as it seemed to fit.

Series Masterlist // Taglist

“Elle?” It sounded in the distance. “Elle? Don’t you have classes in two hours?”

Elle had easily fallen asleep after sending the long mail to that email address on the random post-it note. Now the familiar, tired Yorkshire accent from Georgie easily woke Elle up from her slumber. a small grew on Elle’s lips as her body returned to the land of the living.

“‘Morning!” She let out, trying to sound chipper, only it was her usual hoarse morning ‘grunts’, as Georgie and Julia had lovingly named it.

“Good morning, you!” Georgie drowsily handed her a warm cup of what Elle guessed was the tea that Julia always made before leaving or just returning from her classes or work. “So, classes, two hours?” Georgie tried again. A sniff let Elle know that she was right in her earlier assumption. She eagerly took a careful sip of the tea as she glanced at her timetable, which was plastered on the cork bulletin board that covered most of one wall in her room. Elle let out a laugh as she was moving the warm cup away from her lips.

“Georgie, it’s Friday!” Georgie looked as if heaven and earth were becoming one, making Elle almost start cackling. Elle has always had Fridays off, a lucky coincidence from the offices of her university when making her schedule. “Sweets, have you even slept yet?” While Elle was still giggling, undertones of concern were also present on her face. Georgie let out a groan.

“You just woke. And now, you’re all chipper. How?!”

“It’s a Richardson secret, miss Wright. Only Richardsons may know it.” Elle giggled again as she gently tried to guide Georgie out of her bedroom. Georgie didn’t need to know why exactly Elle was feeling chipper. She just hoped that she would get a reply soon if one at all. Once her night owl of a roommate had retreated from the room, Elle got herself ready for the day. After taking another, closer, look at the bulletin wall, Elle was reminded that she promised to meet up with a fellow aspiring writer, who was in London for the week, in a coffeehouse before Elle had booked a few afternoon hours in a rehearsal hall in the local gym for some de-stressing and creativity flow. Music and dance was Elle’s way to de-stress and the movements that she ended up making, often inspired her in her interior designs or editing work. A peek at the clock on her phone, told Elle, that she had about an hour before the meet up at the coffeehouse.

Exactly an hour later, Elle entered the agreed upon coffeehouse with her bag filled to the brim with her laptop, and many, many notes. The meeting didn’t take long and the other person was in a hurry, so Elle spend a good hour and 40 minutes until she had to go to the gym, on her laptop, finishing up projects, general cleanup of the desktop and several folders, and checking her emails. Elle almost felt excited as she opened up her email application on her laptop. Would the owner of the email have answered it yet? It didn’t take long for her to see that a reply hadn’t come. Yet, some optimists would say and Elle saw herself as an optimist, or she did at least at that moment. Drinking from the ordered cup of chai latte, Elle sat back in her seat, trying to imagine who the owner of the email would be. Letting her mind wander, she began to write down the story ideas that she got and let the time just disappear as she kept writing.

Of the couple of hours that she had spent in the rented rehearsal hall, Elle mostly focused on her usual workout routine and just letting loose to the music, she had to play through the hall. While there, she got a text from Julia.

Jules 👩🏻‍🍳

El, can we meet up at the store? 🙏🏻 Need help with groceries. Thanks 👍🏻

Elle🎨

Sure👌🏻I'm done at the gym anyway. It's the usual one right?

Jules👩🏻‍🍳

Yep👍🏻

I'm already here, but take your time!

“Hi Jules,” Elle grinned as she walked up behind her strawberry blonde friend, who looked like she was crawling into one of the freezers. Surprised, Julia jumped away from the freezer, almost falling over into Elle.

“Hey, you!” Julia replied, focusing again on the contents of the freezer. “How's your day been so far?” She continued asking as she finally decided on something in the freezer. Elle went on to tell her about her day.

“But yeah, Georgie thought I had classes today”

“It's Friday?” Julia giggled.

“Yeah and I told her that, only to get a groan in response.” They continued together through the store, every now and then putting something into the trolley that Julia had taken with her. Their conversation continued to flow as they through the store. As they came outside the store and was heading home, Elle couldn’t hold it back anymore. The excitement of waiting for the reply, while still trying to be realistic, was getting to Elle and she felt like she needs to share it with someone.

“So… I found a post-it note last night.” Elle hesitated, nervous about Julia's reaction. Julia, well. Julia whipped her head towards Elle as soon as she had uttered the word, post-it.

“Yes?” Julia said, trying to hold back giggles of excitement. Elle continued on to tell Julia about how she had found the note and decided to send an email to the email address on it as she didn't recognize it or the handwriting. As Elle kept talking, Julia was trying to calm herself down, to hide that she knew exactly what note and whose email it was that Elle was now talking about.

Slowly, their conversation changed to another topic and so they kept talking until they arrived at their home. With both Elle, Georgie, and Julia helping each other, the groceries were soon packed away. As Julia started to make dinner, Georgie and Elle went back into their rooms. As soon as they were both out of sight, Julia grabbed her phone.

JG👩🏻‍🍳

Phase 2: There has been contact. Target E is waiting for an answer from Target H👌🏻

anything to report, HH?

HH📸

Perfecto!!

haven't be in contact with Target H myself, so let’s see

Phase 2 is completed when Target H has made contact.

JG👩🏻‍🍳

Understood!😂😂

i’ll report back with more information as I get it.

HH📸

Perfecto!! 😂😂

As the door closed behind her, Elle took a deep breath and began to unpack her duffel bag with her laptop and dirty gym clothes. Thoughts about a possible reply resurfaced and as she didn't want to wait any longer, she turned on her laptop, which was in a slumber and therefore easier to start up and found her mails.

Inbox (4)

Without any hesitation, Elle clicked the button to her inbox.

JJ Foley [email protected] Re: Re: Re: Wording of the chap… 17:01

Nate Richardson [email protected] Possible new destinations 16:49

Kristine Bak [email protected] Re: Re: Will you and Nate vi... 15:44

Unknown [email protected] Re: Post-it note of luck? 13:35

There! The fourth email! Elle let out a squeal, shutting her mouth as soon as she realized she had done it. It was answered. She clicked and ran out into the living area, not holding anything back.

“I got an answer!” A huge smile was wide across her face. Julia looked up from the pan, she was stirring in and threw her a smiling grin.

“Have you read it?” The question made Elle’s eye grow big and her eyebrows moved up high on her forehead.

“What’s happening?!” Georgie groaned as she stuck her face out the door to her bedroom.

“I got a reply!” Elle exclaimed, happiness all across her face, thinking that would explain everything to the unknowing Georgie.

“Well, go read it!” Both Georgie and Julia said. Georgie halfheartedly, Julia eagerly. A smile grew over Elle’s face, a small squeal left her lips as she turned around, going back to her room. Georgie sent Julia a confused look.

“What exactly is going on?” She asked the cook-in-training at the stove.

“Just a little ploy that’s working out perfectly. Should I expect Joe for dinner?” Julia beamed down into the pot, she was stirring in. She had hoped that distracting Georgie with her boyfriend’s name, that she wouldn’t focus on the first part of what, she had said.

“No, he’s… Conor’s taking him and Byron out for something to eat. What ploy?” Georgie was smarter than that, Julia had to realize. With a sigh, Julia explained the ploy and who exactly was involved.

“So you know Tom Holland? Spiderman Tom Holland?” Georgie was now sitting at the breakfast bar.

“I only know his younger twin brothers. But, I don't wanna talk about it now. Don't you have something to do before dinner?” Georgie rolled her eyes but got what Julia meant, so she got up from the breakfast bar and went back to her bedroom. Once again alone, Julia got her phone out.

JG👩🏻‍🍳

Phase 2 continued: There has been established contact. Our whole building now knows that there has been a reply... 😂😂

HH📸

Perfecto!! 😂😂

well JG we can now take a step back and let the targets be and let them figure things out.

JG👩🏻‍🍳

Sounds like a good idea!😂😂

TAGLISTS

Permanent:

@spideycentral-1 // @micki-smiles // @hazhasmycoffee // @stardxstparker // @secretly-spider-man // @imagineholland // @mikahjosephine // @sweethosterfield // @ap93mcu // @heavenly--osterfield

Harrison Osterfield:

@mischiefmanaged49  // @sunshine112 //

You’ve Got Mail:

@sam-hollands-darling

#you've got mail #haz osterfield #haz osterfield fanfiction #haz osterfield fanfic #harrison osterfield #harrison osterfield fanfiction #harrison osterfield fanfic #original character

[filmtrash]

Whats your analysis of the postcard? More importantly what oliver would have thought of it if he noticed? I don’t actually remember if elio told oliver that it was from the previous student but that part was mentioned to the reader, but do you think it had anything to do with elio’s repression of his feelings?

This ask has been sitting in my inbox for a couple of days and I’ve really wanted to address it, but I’m not sure I have the clearest answer to your question.

What I’m going to do is recall where it is mentioned, along with all my initial thoughts and some context (thanks to @roseanna-grace), and hope that this opens up a discussion.

The postcard is first mentioned on page 220. 

The first thing I did after our telephone conversation was go up to my room and see what he could possibly have taken that would remind him of me. Then I saw the unyellowed blank spot on the wall. Bless him. He had taken a framed, antique postcard of Monet’s berm dating back to 1905 or so. One of our previous American summer residents had fished it out in a flee market in Paris two years ago and had mailed it to me as a souvenir. The faded colored postcard had originally been mailed in 1914 - there was a few hasty, sepia-toned scribbles in German script on the back, addressed to a doctor in England, next to which the American student had inscribed his own greetings to me in black ink - Think of me someday. The picture would remind Oliver of the morning when I first spoke out. Or the day when we rode by the berm pretending not to notice it. Or of that day we’d decided to picnic there and had vowed not to touch each other, the better to enjoy lying in bed together the same afternoon. I wanted him to have the picture before his eyes for all time, his whole life, in front of his desk, of his bed, everywhere. Nail it everywhere you go, I thought. 

And again, on page 241. 

“What I don’t want is to receive a letter from your son with the bad news: And by the way, enclosed please find a framed postcard my father asked me to return to you. Nor do I want to answer something like: You can come whenever you please, I am sure he would have wanted you to stay in his room. Promise me it won’t happen.”“Promise.”“What did you write on the back of the postcard?”“It was going to be a surprise.”“I’m too old for surprises. Besides, surprises always come with a sharp edge that is meant to hurt. I don’t want to be hurt – not by you. Tell me.”“Just two words.”“Let me guess: If not later, when?”“Two words, I said. Besides, that would be cruel.”I thought for a while.“I give up.”“Cor Cordium, heart of hearts, I’ve never said anything truer in my life to anyone.”

I know some of these thoughts won’t answer your question, but I want to share them anyway.

‘That would remind him of me’ - When I read this line, it took me right back to the night they were sat outside talking about wasted days. Elio tells Oliver ‘you’ll be elsewhere, where there are no memories.’ To me, this is Elio implying it will be easier for Oliver to forget about him. I think Elio, as well as the reader/audience, desperately underestimate Oliver’s love. Oliver doesn’t want to forget. It doesn’t matter who originally wrote it, seeing the words ‘think of me someday’, will ensure that Oliver won’t ever allow himself to forget Elio. 

‘Monet’s berm’ - My heart hurts, I can’t even lie. This is where they shared their first kiss. Elio explains it himself in the above extract; the heavy weight that image holds. Elio is not the only one torturing himself. This is why I believe, without a shadow of a doubt, that Elio and Oliver will end up together.

‘Cor Cordium’ - Heart of hearts. If someone’s asking about your cor cordium, they want to know who you are really, what you really want, what you really intend, under all your masks and guises, all the sacrifices you make and the suboptimal substitutes you accept. What you’d do, want, be, if you feared no judgement and nothing internal or external impended on you, including the limits of your own nature? That’s what’s in your ‘heart of hearts’. ( @roseanna-grace ) Elio is what is in Oliver’s ‘heart of hearts.’ I am so fucked up right now. This right here is my testimony that Oliver loves Elio with every inch of his being and no-one can say otherwise. 

As for Maynard, the previous American Student. I would love to hear other’s opinions on it but I just can’t see passed the points I’ve already made to give it any additional thought right now. All I know is that Elio says ‘I had never thought of him until Oliver had lifted his picture.’ To me that suggests Maynard had very little significance other than the fact Elio would have had sexual relations with him (so regarding his sexuality).

Sorry this took so long to respond to, I knew I’d dissolve into a pit of heartbreak and despair when addressing the postcard. I’d love to hear anyone else’s thoughts on it. 

#cmbyn #call me by your name #timothee chalamet #timmy chalamet #armie hammer #elio #oliver #elio x oliver #film #liv answers your questions

[freedomscall-aa]

General Information

Hi, call me Autumn. I’m 25+, have been rping for 15+ years on and off with 10 years experience roleplaying on Tumblr, and prefer they/them or she/her pronouns. I have a discord that is available on request for general ooc conversation and plotting, all you have to do is ask for it.

I’ve been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and a chronic social phobia, so typically I’m pretty shy and awkward starting off when you first talk to me. Due to my mental illness I get stressed out pretty easily over things and at times will take a while to get around to replies and starters, so please don’t think that any slowness on my part means that I’m not interested in interacting with you!

Just because it needs to be said, Mun =/= Muse ; Muse =/= Mun. I play a character who is pretty moralistically grey and may do or hint at doing problematic things at times. This does NOT mean I support those same viewpoints. 

Anders is a super complex character who’s actions ultimately result in something so powerful they send a good chunk of the world into turmoil. I want to stress that Anders’ plot to blow up the Kirkwall Chantry was a terrible thing done by a person who felt as though they had no other option when every other peaceful measure he attempted failed. Could there have been other ways of solving the problem? Maybe. Did anyone actually listen? No. Regardless it was the only a matter of time before the powder keg that was Kirkwall’s tensions between Mages and Templars blew up given that you find out in the final act that Meredith had already written to the Divine to request permission to enact the Right of Annulment in advanced.

Either way, I’ve adore Anders as a character ever since DAO Awakening so whatever hate or arguments you might see fit to send me isn’t going to change my mind on how I feel about him. Naturally I’m fine with him suffering people’s vitriol in character, but I won’t tolerate receiving that kind of behavior out of character.

I generally use Pearl from Steven Universe as an out of character face claim. I’ll be using Toby Regbo from his appearance in Reign as Ander’s IRL FC.

On Following

I’m usually too nervous to follow people first, due to anxiety issues, but if I do follow you first it means I definitely want to try writing with you! Usually I’ll follow back Dragon Age canons unless something about your blog turns me off for some reason. Anyways, the same typically goes for OCs with reasonable Dragon Age verses that I feel could allow for interactions with Anders.

I’m going to be more picky about non-DA canons ( unless I already have an AU for their source material ), even if they have an DA themed verse or two– so please don’t feel bad if I don’t end up following you back. :c

Threads and Replies

On average I write anywhere between one and a half to two paragraphs per reply, though I have been known to write four+ depending on how inspired I am. If this for some reason bothers you or if you’re simply looking for super casual, one line replies with or without dialog every thread, I’d advise you not to follow me.

That IS NOT to say that I’m against short replies though! I can usually work well with two or three sentences so long as I feel like I can actually reply to it and in cases where I can’t, I usually ask my partners to add more if possible instead of outright dropping the thread. TBH, I just feel like it’s super discouraging to write a paragraph or two and only get a single sentence with or without dialog back in return. :c

I am notoriously slow when it comes to replies and am prone to dropping threads once I feel too overwhelmed. If you suspect that I’ve dropped your thread and would like to continue it, feel free to contact me over my inbox / tumblr im or via skype / discord if you have it.

If I follow you first or follow back, feel free to reply to any of my opens and memes I reblog or contact me via my inbox / tumblr im if you have any ideas, but please note that my ‘like for starter’ posts are for mutuals only.

Feel more than welcome to reply to asks and continue the conversation if you like what I answered with, I only ask that in doing so you start a new thread with a link back to the original ask and not reblog the ask itself.

I don’t care if you use icons or not. Sometimes I don’t. Icons aren’t an indicator of quality to me. Typically icons will accompany most short posts given I have one that fits the thread. It is possible that I will avoid attaching icons to longer, multi para threads depending on how I feel.

NSFW Threads

Both mun and muse are over the age of 18, which leaves everything open to possible NSFW sexually based threads. Personally, I like writing smut, but I prefer to ship chemistry more than anything and will not do pointless nsfw threads unless I’ve rp’d and spoken with you ooc for a while.

I WILL NOT write sexually themed or exceedingly violent / gore-y threads with individuals under the age of 18. I’m generally not going to follow anyone younger than 18 just because I don’t really feel comfortable with following those who are more than ten years younger than me even on my personal blog. I check for ages and if I find out you’ve lied just to write smut at any point I will not hesitate to block you.

Relationships / Shipping

I’m generally open to the idea of pre-established original character relationships (semi or whole friendships / crushes / enemies / etc) between characters as they can make interactions considerably easier for me, so feel free to present any ideas if you’d also like to go that route via my inbox / tumblr im or skype / discord if you have it!

If you want to go the route of an established OC relationship outside of an obvious casual connection, please be aware that I will ask you to dm me via tumblr im or discord, since I find it easier to develop relationships with other characters while having a chance to occasionally talk ooc with those involved. As a plus, it makes rp'ing with you much more comfortable for me.

I mostly ship Anders with M!Hawke and F!Hawke, but am open to other canon characters as well so long as it’s workable. Obviously, I’m also willing to develop romantic ships with OCs granted I find them interesting and if I feel like there’s good chemistry! You also get big bonus points if you’re a rivalmance Hawke because I’m super weak for that dysfunctional shit.

Triggers

This blog is generally not safe for work, just to be clear. There are times where it may contain triggers that I will try my best to tag in a coherent manner, but please be aware that I will not always tag things unless a mutual requires it their ooc page. I by default tag anything related to NSFW situations, anything related to abusive scenario, and anything else involving blood.

I have no triggers, personally, but I do have things that make me uncomfortable. These include topics related to cheating / infidelity and hypersexualizations. I would appreciate if partners would consider tagging content related to these, but it’s not necessary.

#[ ☄️ | andraste's nickerweasels! ( ooc ) ]