#anyways the person who took that info to them has caused me so much anxiety too

[rabbitenn]

MATCHUP FOR @al-is-my-pal

hello, hun, and thank you very much for requesting ! your info is super detailed, so thank you for that too, it helped me determine your best match <3 (you seem like a v cool person btw !)

anyway, i really hope this is to your liking and i apologize that it took me a while to be able to get to it !

your idolish7 match is someone who encompasses the bubbly side you show when you’re with your loved ones. similarly to you, he really is a people’s person, wanting to know more about his friends and become closer to them. he is a romantic at heart, and he’s not shy to show it, which means he, like you, often expresses the beauty he finds in the mundane. he is someone who knows what it feels like growing up with not many close friends too, thus he loves fiercely and kindly.

so? do you already have an idea of who i’m talking about? hehe ~ come along, friend, he seems to have a confession to make…

♡ ROKUYA NAGI

Okay, so, I do genuinely believe Nagi is a really good match for you. You mention you struggle with social anxiety and your confidence, and honestly? There’s few people better than Nagi at making others feel appreciated and confident about themselves.

Don’t be fooled by his flashy exterior, because Nagi definitely understands emotions deeply. So when you’re overthinking and mulling things over, he notices right away. With a gentle tone, it is not uncommon for him to take your hands in his, deep sapphire eyes full of reassurance as he prompts you to lean on him.

Nagi also would be amazing at helping you get out of your shell more. His charm is truly magnetic, making you feel like you’re stepping into a magical world every time he encourages you to go out with him to try something new. How could you ever say no to his alluring winks, huh?

In terms of hobbies and interests, you two are pretty similar as well.

And isn’t it nice, to spend the evenings cuddled together, watching anime, while you work on your drawings and his arms are wrapped around you?

—

To anyone else, the bright and sparkly pinks of his room might come off as gaudy.

To you, however, they meant peace. A warm kind of calmness, where worries tended to melt away.

Your boyfriend’s tv is on, the ads previous to the show you await, nothing but white noise as your back rests against his chest.

Tablet in hand, you keep adding new shades to your masterpiece, roses and golds merging beautifully, an interlude of spring and summer on your fingertips.

Nagi’s chin rests on your shoulder, his arms circling your waist comfortably, sky hued gaze mesmerized by the movements of your pen.

“Is that Cocona, my girl?” He asks, tender smile on his lips.

You chuckle, hand still expertly adding color to your artwork.

“You always catch on quick when it comes to Cocona, don’t you?” You tease, tilting your face slightly to meet his gaze.

For a few seconds, you feel as if you had been put under his spell. You had always found him unarguably stunning, but something about seeing your boyfriend so at ease right now causes a million golden butterflies to spread their wings in your stomach, a comforting caress to your heart, as they flutter warmly.

You don’t know if he reminds you of distant gilded stars upon snowy skies or of the summer sun sometimes, but you’re completely entranced by his princely features as he smiles.

His lashes flutter closed for an instant, then:

“Well, she is my second favorite, after all.” He says, a knowing glint in his eyes.

You raise an eyebrow.

“Your second favorite? Nagi?” You let out a laugh. “Since when isn’t Cocona your number one?” You question, disbelieving, as you set your drawing supplies aside. “Has a new anime character stolen her spotlight?” You gasp, eager to know who your boyfriend’s talking about.

“Hmm… I wouldn’t say they’re from an anime, though I would certainly watch it if that were the case.” He smiles, expression soft.

“Then who is it? You’ve gotta tell me!” You beg of him, tugging on his sleeve, as you stand on your knees over the couch, excited.

He gives you one of his charismatic smiles, and you swear right now, no portrait you or anyone could ever paint would do Nagi justice.

“I’m looking at her right now.” Your lover announces, leaning a little forward.

Intently, you glance around his room, trying to discern which one of his non-Cocona figurines could be his most beloved.

However, an airy chuckle interrupts your actions.

“My dear, you won’t find her unless you look in a mirror.” The charming idol playfully says, tone brimming with affection, as his slender fingers cradle your cheek.

“Oh.” You breathe out. Heat rises to your cheeks, your chest, though it is not unwelcome.

He smiles sweetly, thumb tracing small circles over your cheekbone.

“That’s right, my darling.” He holds your chin in between his fingers, guiding your gaze to his, as if you weren’t already completely under the Northmarean prince’s charms. “You’re my favorite, always.”

Then, he leans in, hands cupping your face, taking you by surprise at first. A few moments pass, with his lips on yours, as you kiss him back. And even though this isn’t the first time, there was always something that felt like discovering a wrapped gift every time you kissed him.

Sweet and playful, tender, yet brimming with passion; to kiss Rokuya Nagi feels like making a wish upon the northern lights; so magical, laced in mystery despite all the brightness, luring you deeper into the firmament of all the love he holds for you.

By the time Cocona’s opening song starts playing on the tv, your lover’s lips are still on yours.

You have a few more instants, you both know that song by heart, after all.

—

You mention you have a soft and gentle energy, which, to be honest, matches Nagi’s quite well. Yes, he is extroverted, incredibly charming and has a flair for the dramatic, but he loves his friends (and especially you) more than anyone else. He’s always there for everyone, managing to shine a little light when they’re feeling down. That, of course, includes you. But in turn, your kind and considered nature would make him see that someone is really there for him in times of need. By your side, he feels like he can let himself speak about what’s burdening his mind.

In the matter of your more bubbly and silly side that you show when you’re with close friends, Nagi would really be the perfect person to make you embrace it more. He can be very silly himself sometimes (affectionate), so in the moments you’re together, it’s not rare for you to let yourself be more free.

Your willingness to listen to people and learn about them pairs well with Nagi’s demeanor as well. We all know he adores anime and will talk about it with anyone who is okay with listening. So, having chats about his favorites with you, where you’re actually listening to everything he rambles about means the world to him. The sparkles in his gaze and the grin on his lips truly are precious.

In terms of more hobbies of yours, you two have more than just your love for anime in common.

Your love for music and singing is something he shares too, and he’ll be so, so happy to sing songs with you! And if you teach him how to play cello? He falls in love with you even more, if that was possible.

He’d find it so endearing how you love stuffed animals as well, plus he’s totally into the princess, angelcore and soft aesthetics you like!

Also, I can definitely picture you too having tea and some sweet treats while you game together or watch anime.

Regarding what you look for in a s/o, Nagi pretty much meets all the requirements. He’s kindhearted, will listen to you, always, both to the good things and the bad ones; his bright demeanor is enough to make you feel warm, as if things will turn out for the better, the reassuring affectionate words he speaks, making you feel safe every time.

Focusing on your mbti type now, Nagi is an enfp, which can help you (isfj) to develop your creative, dreamy side more. In turn, you, as an isfj, could help him prioritize work when he has to (and sleep, because if you let him, he’d spend the night watching Magical Cocona /lh but /srs).

As a 9w1 enneagram, you’re hardworking and modest, and while still friendly, you know how to be serious when needed, which pairs well with 7w6 (Nagi’s enneagram type) more enthusiastic and adventurous nature (and it goes both ways, you both complement each other).

You, as a libra, are more reflexive, considering various sides and outcomes before acting, whereas gemini (Nagi’s sign) are good conversationalists, smart and with a bit of a dual nature. Both yours and his characteristics make for a pretty solid pairing.

Summing it up, you and Nagi would make a very sweet couple, in my opinion. Both your personalities would get along well together, additionally to him being what you say look for in a partner.

♡ RUNNER UP: IZUMI MITSUKI

Like with Nagi, Mitsuki fits everything you look for in a lover; he undoubtedly has a kind heart, and who wouldn’t feel comfortable next to a sunshine like him? He’s excitable and energetic, without it being overwhelming.

Mitsuki is another great candidate to help you get out of your comfort zone more too. He has a knack for encouraging others, so you feel at easy when you do something new and he’s by your side.

There are moments, however, when he can feel like he’s not enough, and it’s in these instances when he has you to lean on. You try to always be there for others, doing your best to make them happy. And the truth is Mitsuki’s smile is worth everything when he looks at you with tender eyes.

Mitsuki loves idols, especially zero, and since you’re studying music and are into singing, I can easily imagine you two doing karaoke or singing some of zero’s songs (since Mistu is a fan).

He finds your quiet passion and ability to see the beauty in everything very endearing and adorable. He’s so cute when he gets lost in you with a lovestruck smile hehe.

#idolish7 x reader #idolish7 #idolish7 imagines #idolish7 matchups #idolish7 hadcanons #idolish7 x you #ainana #idolish7 scenarios #ainana x reader #idolish7 x y/n #idolish7 fluff #rokuya nagi x reader #nagi x reader #izumi mitsuki x reader #rokuya nagi #izumi mitsuki #anime matchups #anime x reader #anime imagines

[ryuntv]

yoo yongha, twenty5, male, he/him.  ───  3, 2, 1 — action!  everyone, we’re here at jincheon national training center, and this time i have with me our national taekwondo team’s very own jeong ryun. you might know them for being a repeat gold-medalist at the world poomsae championships, but if not, don’t worry. they’re here to field all your burning questions. let’s dive right in.

sparknotes biog

born to a "single mother" january 13, 1999

not actually born to a single mother, but his dad is an absolute ghost of a man — he'll come out of himself every now & then, but spends most of his non-working time isolating himself. definitely battling some kind of mental health dilemma but 🤷 anyways... you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped and as an adult, ryun DOES NOT interact with his dad outside of when he visits home to see his mom

was always a "cute kid", luckily never had a (physically) awkward phase like... it's been smooth-sailing from birth. got a lot of compliments from friends of his mom, teachers, was popular among girls in his grade, etc etc, and it was often speculated (not super seriously, just in a silly "what if?" kind of way) that he'd end up pursuing a career in entertainment / "putting his face to use". he'd always shy away from the topic 'cause he did NOTTTT have ANYYY self-esteem and his tendencies were very similar to his father—do what has to be done (go to school), come home and spend the rest of his time rotting. he couldn't imagine any other kind of life

luckily, his mom is a gem of a woman. extremely compassionate & as soon as she realized ryun was starting to take after his dad, she realized she needed to intervene and help him find an outlet; she signed him up for taekwondo classes one summer when he was ~12. he didn't like it at first (mostly because of self-esteem and anxiety issues) but it didn't take long for something within him to awaken (s/o to his addictive personality)

learned quickly, obviously had his weaknesses but overall having something that he was good at and continuously getting better at made him feel a bit better about himself. plus, he was making friends who shared similar interests & when he was abt 15, they ended up forming their own little "street crew" in which they combined dance and poomsae and performed to k-pop songs, arnd this time ryun started seriously considering chasing an entertainment career considering he'd always been told to anyway... but it was that vs taekwondo; success with becoming an idol wasn't guaranteed, whereas he was very confident with his taekwondo skills so he let dancing/musical interests continue to be just a hobby

let me not bore y'all to tears with the details... tl;dr: placed in his first major competition @ 16 / was notably a triple threat & took home gold @ the world poomsae championships in 2018, 2019, 2020 / joined the national team in 2019, scouted after his second victory at the poomsae championships / figured he had "made it" and could kick back a little (LOLLL) and thus decided to take a break to participate in a kpop survival show in 2021, which he claimed he was "just doing for fun" and "wasn't serious about it" / made the lineup for the temporary group as the fans' choice, didn't train with the national team much throughout 2021, became somewhat more active in 2022 and 2023 but was still "busy" often / now that the group's disbanded, ryun feels kind of directionless. starting to realize maybe he liked being an idol more than he likes being an athlete, and his coach gave him the ultimatum of qualifying for the olympics (which he's never done before, and poomsae isn't included in the olympics which means he's gonna have to be able to SPAR on an olympic level... yeah good luck with that) or giving up his spot on the team so LOLLLL... let's see what happens next!

misc info

was extremely popular on the survival show, resulting in him being the "fans' choice" in the group lineup; however, for a number of reasons the widespread popularity kind of fizzled out once the group was actually formed & starting to promote

the main reason being that the company was eager to flex that they had a "national athlete" in their group, and many of the the choreographies incorporated some kind of stunt or trick for ryun to carry out — which you'd think would only increase his popularity, but they were very physically draining, and despite being a vocalist he was observed as not being able to hold a note which some people criticized him for while the die-hards were like "but look what he's doing!!!! of course his voice is unstable!!!! it's ok!!!"

(spoiler: his voice was always unstable anyway LOLLL)

plus there's the fact that many of the stunts/tricks weren't things that he could confidently perform over & over, and he ended up getting somewhat badly hurt abt a year after the group debuted. it took him a few months to heal (though he did make a full recovery! hooray!) but during this timeframe he was shit on SOOOOO hard... "not so interesting now that he can't do tricks for you, huh?" type beat. his confidence plummeted again around this time 'cause he was a strong dancer/performer but, again, his vocals were notttt that good

luckily he had fully recovered by the group's last two releases and finished out on a high note <3 some wld say his vocals had even improved (finally)

so here he is now... retreating to the national team admittedly less excited than you'd think... he sold out. he's a diva. let's tell it like it is.

mama's boy. has mentioned his mom in every interview he's ever given and will continue to do so, as he owes everything he has to her.

personality

very kind, but somewhat insincere.

cares a lot about the people around him, to an extent. he wants everything to be good, he wants everyone to be happy, and he's willing to do whatever it takes to make those two things coincide as long as it doesn't entail him sacrificing anything. quite selfish, and puts his own wants and needs above others' almost always.

he's somewhat of an instigator and will (indirectly) start shit just to then sit back and act like he had no involvement in it. but he's the type of guy who will never say a mean thing to your face; extremely good at playing the mediator/deflecting when necessary, doesn't easily give in to people trying to start shit with him, and "is always able to find the silver lining". pretty unserious/utilizes humor to get people comfortable with him. most people who know him casually will say that he's a great guy, but perhaps a bit too chatty.

anyone more deeply involved with him is likely to see the bad aspects of his personality, as he's not that great at hiding them. he tries to play this "confident, but humble" character, when in reality i think he's got a big ass head—and yet it is easy to (temporarily) bring him down, as the low self-esteem never truly left him. all these things come together to form the insincere, instigating side of him, where he's prone to sabotaging others' friendships or just overall starting shit to then look like he's the honest one just looking out for the homies.

very caught up in media & appearances. he'll preach about disconnecting from the internet and experiencing things as they truly are / forming your own opinions, but he's quite easily swayed by what he reads online and his screentime is astronomical. he might pretend not to know other famous people, but TRUST! that he's done a deep-dive with whatever info the internet had to offer as soon as he realized he had any chance of encountering them (@ hall of famers)

wanted connections

someone who doesn't/can't take him seriously—probably an athlete who is only in this for the sports, and finds it ridiculous that ryun is occupying a spot at the jincheon training center when dude took an extended break to pursue idoldom like... are you kidding

the ex who got the short end of the stick. probably someone ryun met at a national sports event and really hit it off with / pursued a relationship with, and they were still with him when he decided to audition for the survival show. they were probably a little uncomfortable w the idea, but he assured them that it wouldn't change anything about their relationship — and then dumped them when he made the lineup, citing the "no dating" clause in his contract (aka: he wanted to fuck around freely). perhaps he's trying to win them back now that it's "back to the real world"....

one or two really good friends. people who've seen ryun's worst and vice versa and they still love each other just the same!!! ride or dies... 4lifers...

where the starstruck fans at??? let him have his christopher wilde moment... your character knows of him, but makes it obvious that they were never a fan/they don't like him... cue christopher wilde: "u don't like me??? but u don't know me... i think if u knew me u'd really like me" and now dude's always in their business trying to change their mind about him / alternatively just someone who doesn't rly give a damn abt anyone and ryun wants to be the exception

former friends??? maybe people ryun suddenly "didn't have time for" during his time as an idol and they're NOT amused by him trying to act like they're still buddy-buddy

new friends too!!! people he's very recently begun getting to know but so far it's going good!

there are no other taekwondo athletes at the time i'm writing this but whenever there are: the teammate whom ryun confided in regarding his current dilemma, and they're doing everything they can to help him qualify for the olympics in what little time they have

etc etc etc. open to brainstorming!!!

#gtvintro #sorry 4 being late #do yall hate me for talking so much

[siminiecricketart]

Hmmmm

:)

#still can’t stop thinking about the fact that I mentioned a certain someone was involved with some awful shit on here last year #and someone told a certain big artist about it in this fandom #who then proceeded to message me and explain why this person wasn’t in the wrong #and it caused me so much anxiety I deleted my tumblr #obvs I have them blocked on all social media but they’re a massive artist #and I still get super anxious about it :) #anyways the person who took that info to them has caused me so much anxiety too #but yah :) #it’s why I’ve backed away from fandom because I am tired of shitty people #they made a story about it and a tweet about it so I feel sick again #and now have them blocked there so I don’t see these posts :)) #but overall I think one too many people in this fandom have caused me way too much stress #so I just don’t think I want to make art for pjo anymore #I’m just tired of stupid petty things in this fandom #anyways I’ve needed to vent for some time to be honest #because it’s just been too much for me to deal with #been so upset for weeks that I mentioned something out of concern for my friends #and some wan decided to throw me under the bus to someone I used to admire

[pineapple-lover-boy]

Can- can I just talk about the Victuuri relationship? Pretty please?

I just…. I’ve never seen a healthy relationship that starts from idolization and a need to get out that has ended in a satisfying way.

Let me elaborate:

We all know that Yuri idolized Victor. It’s why he was so nervous in the beginning and why it took time for them to build on their relationship, he saw Victor as a god.

Victor? He was depressed. He loved the ice so much but he longer found excitement in competitions. He didn’t have any worthy opponents that had a chance of beating him (sorry Chris).

I believe Victor “fell in love” at the banquet. He was attracted to Yuri but, even though he lost, he also saw potential in him. That night was probably the most exciting night for him in a long time. I think he felt genuine affection for Yuri but also saw a way to get out of his predicament.

Then, of course, Yuri didn’t show up the following season (a year had passed before the present timeline). He was most likely annoyed that someone who had gave him excitement didn’t show up. Did he think Yuri had a chance of beating him at first? Probably not. Did he see potential or at least someone he could have fun with during the season? Hell yes!

And then when he saw the video of Yuri skating Stay Close To Me, something that awarded him a gold medal. That’s all he needed. He saw how Yuri not only skated it perfectly but I bet he thought Yuri skated it better. Let’s not forget that emotion is a huge part of skating. If you don’t skate with the passion your supposed to hold for whatever theme you have, your performance can almost seem futile. Victor obviously won because he perfected it but if it was based on how he presented it alone, he would’ve lost. He saw someone worthy of skating an gold medal piece while also having the heart to do it. That’s talent.

Anyways, because of this, their relationship doesn’t hold well in the beginning. He’s passive aggressive towards Yuri because he doesn’t see his own talent and Yuri is just going along for the ride because holy shit it’s Victor fucking Nikiforov.

As they get to know each other and Yuri opens up more (plus Victor getting info on Yuri from the others) Victor starts to see Yuri as an actual person and not someone he can use to project himself onto and then later skate against. And Yuri starts to see him as an actual person too.

I saw on another post talking about how we didn’t see them during the summer and how the end credits of every episode suggest they got to know each other better as both in the credits and in the show they (Yuri) are able to touch each other more. I 100% believe this.

I also believe they might’ve had an argument or two on this topic. It’s not easy to switch from inadvertently seeing someone as anything but a person to an actual person with emotions and feelings. I believe Victor would’ve tried to back away from this subject but Yuri wouldn’t let him. It wasn’t big arguments like in episode 7. It was probably little quarrels that annoyed them both but after having a long conversation they finally started to become more comfortable with each other.

Yuri started letting go of the notion that Victor was a god like creature and Victor saw him as something other than a pawn. Yuri stopped getting as embarrassed with Victor touching him and Victor stopped trying to seduce him as much just so he could see the man from the banquet.

This most definitely leads the way towards a healthier relationship but episode 7 was inevitable. Yuri’s anxiety was at an all time high when he comes out on top. The fact that he needs to stay on top and not mess up is getting to him. As a person with anxiety, it’s pure hell. The thoughts of failing won’t get out of his head and even as he turns off all the monitors he can still hear everything.

Victor takes him away from prying eyes and has no idea what to do. Despite an obvious change that would’ve had to include some emotions from both occurring over the summer, he still has no idea how to help someone in distress.

Then he makes his first mistake. Yuri is visibly shaken by someone’s scores (can’t remember who) and Victor, who is at his wits end, yells at him to stop listening and puts his hands over Yuri’s ears. This tells Yuri how nervous Victor is too and despite knowing that Victor wouldn’t leave him now it shows to him that Victor doesn’t have faith in him (even if he does).

Victor tried to shatter Yuri’s heart. He must’ve expected Yuri to maybe sign heavily but tell him that he’ll do everything in his power to win (probably something that’s happened with him and Yakov). Instead he see’s the consequences of his carelessness. Yuri rightfully lashes out at him and even through all that Victor stills says “should I kiss you?”. Idk what Yuri was thinking but if I were him I would be extremely offended that Victor would try and use me like some doll he can play with and can assume that physical affection and love can fix everything, which was probably what Yuri was thinking.

There’s something off about Yuri and Victor when they emerge but Yuri is surprisingly better now. Cathartic crying can do wonders, kids. There’s also my favorite part of the entire show (couldn’t find a gif):

*head jab* “Hey, fuck you.”

*more head jabs* “Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. I know you don’t like this you unempathetic dicknip.”

*head pat* “You’re forgiven.”

We all know what happens next: Yuri ends his love story with Victor’s signature move and Victor kisses him out of joy and the need to one up him (with love, of course).

I’m gonna get a little sloppy here with the timeline because I have the memory of a female protagonist that needs to go back to work to get something only to accidentally bump into the jerk CEO of which she will develop a toxic relationship for fan service, so forgive me.

Gonna skip ahead to the scene where Yuri tells Victor that he’s leaving skating, and basically Victor too. (At this moment I realized I’ve been spelling Viktor with a c and not a k which is really fucking with my brain but it’s too late to go back). Victor starts crying and realizes just how Yuri felt when he was rejecting him.

I believe Yuri found some light in the situation because of that fact, which Victor was not having. They’ve been closer than ever now. They’ve kissed, they’ve also announced they they’re getting married, so what the hell?!

Yuri, as we know, feels he’s keeping Victor from the ice. Victor, while he misses the ice and wouldn’t mind being competitive again, has found meaning and if he’s going to be Yuri’s coach to stay where he is than so be it.

He wanted to coach Yuri because he wanted a worthy competitor and while he still wants that, what matters most now is his relationship with Yuri. If he stops being Yuri’s coach and Yuri goes off the ice he knows it will be the end. Yuri loves the ice too and I’d bet he’d try to distance himself from Victor as to not feel regret from leaving without actually knowing that he’s doing it.

They’ve grown so much at this point. But that doesn’t mean it’s over. After all they’ve been through Yuri doesn’t realize that consequences of parting from one another. While being too dependent on your spouse isn’t good, it’s what they both need right now. They are what caused the other person to be happy again and while I hate those types of storylines this one executed it perfectly.

I find Victor’s silent plea to Yurio absolutely heartbreaking. He knows it’s bad to put pressure on people but now he’s doing that to a 15 year old boy. He’s putting his relationship and his life into this child’s hands because he knows there’s nothing else he can do.

I do think Yurio had a crush on Yuri but even if he didn’t: Yuri has taught him so much. He, although being an ass most of the time, has really come to love Yuri as family. It’s clear that Yurio was always lonely (Otabek being his first friend and all) but once he came to Japan and lived, truly lived there, he wasn’t lonely anymore.

Yurio wins, Yuri gets silver and all’s well that ends well.

I guess my point of this was to show how well the relationship in YOI was. I could’ve included some more detail on some points but I usually write stuff in one take (it’s very hard to revise without my mind shutting on itself).

I just love how an implicitly toxic relationship can come out so healthy. They don’t do any of that miscommunication bullshit and when they do it’s because the characters don’t know what to do or how to handle something. Like humans do!

They could’ve easily made this the hot famous guy thinks the kawai girl boy is just so adorable and the kawai girl boy is absolutely infatuated with the hot guy. Hijinks ensue which includes the kawai girl boy thinking the hot guy is in love with someone else. She He gets pushed into thinking that she’s he’s more independent in the end and happily ever after for the couple that will divorce in less than five years! Yay!

Seriously, I thought that was what was going to happen but YOI subverted my expectations so much. They are people that grew from their bad mindsets. And you know what? Yuri still has anxiety! Victor is still bad with handling emotions! And that’s ok! We don’t change that quickly. It takes time and hopefully another season.

I’m definitely using this show as a template for healthy relationships. It’s so hard for me to properly write them when I’ve never been in one and I’m not given the chance to see it happen in different environments (when searching it up all I get is “they trust each other. They blame each other. They’re compassionate.” Like ok but can you show me how?)

Yuri!!! On ice…. I love you so much. You have done so much for my mental health and my writing. Thank you.

#yuri on ice #yuri katsuki #katsuki yuri #victor nikiforov #viktor nikirofov #please tell me if you want me to elaborate on some sections #long post #yurio plisetsky #yuri plisetsky #healthy relationships

[whumpster-fire]

His Dark Materials Thoughts: Daemons and Disability / Neurodivergence

More stupid His Dark Materials thoughts and headcanons because I still can’t get over this series.

I’m really curious how various disabilities would interact with having a daemon. I’d guess that for a lot of conditions the daemon could basically fill the role of a service animal, especially if the person had the condition from childhood so they could settle in a form that was capable of helping - e.g. daemons assuming forms with strong senses of smell to check for allergens. And this would probably be true for some neurological conditions where there’s something physically messed up in your brain.

However, I think for neurodivergency, it’s different: if the human is neurodivergent their daemon is neurodivergent as well. And while a human and daemon are “one being,” daemons still have their own personalities and emotional needs.

Using autism as an example because I’m autistic and can speculate based on my own experiences:

Autistic people are usually very close to their daemons, even by the standards of the setting, because while anyone’s daemon inherently understands them better than other people do, the gap is much, much wider for ND people. Real talk, I think I was drawn to this series and the concept of daemons so strongly because the idea of a companion I could fully trust and interact with without the constant fear of breaking some unknown and unspoken rule and who fully empathized with me was something I wanted soooo badly.

A lot more sensory information is “transmitted” between human and daemon than most people notice because the brain tends to filter it out. Autistic people’s brains aren’t as good at filtering out “junk” sensory info though, and this includes what comes through over the bond between them. You can’t actually see through your daemon’s eyes but autistic people tend to feel shared sensations more intensely and pick up on things like smells and textures that a neurotypical brain would tune out (and this works in both directions). This makes autistic people more vulnerable to sensory overload than in our world.

Sometimes only one of the pair is verbal, or at least verbal with others / much more comfortable talking to others. If it’s the human, people tend to not notice because “daemons should be seen and not heard” is kind of the norm in the setting but if the daemon is speaking for the pair most of the time it’s seen as weird. Some autistic people may also be more comfortable talking to other people’s daemons than to the humans, which isn’t technically part of the taboo but it’s pretty frowned upon.

For both tactile-seeking and tactile-defensive people, the daemon’s settled form is often determined by the need for physical affection - either because as they grow into teenagers it becomes less socially acceptable to touch other people as much as they need to, or because the only touch that feels safe for the pair is with each other. A settled form doesn’t always follow the human’s preference, but is always a form the daemon is comfortable with and likes. Daemons settling in forms their human actively hates is rare, and usually means there was already serious conflict between them with the human refusing to accept their nature - i.e. sailors’ daemons usually take seabird forms or mammals like otters or minks that can stray away from the water, settling in a dolphin form was noteworthy for a reason because it’s such a drastic act, and IMO that was probably caused by the human trying to abandon the sea entirely and fighting with his own daemon about it until she was like “Let’s see you take us away from the sea now!”

But anyway: daemons don’t just settle in forms based on symbolism or social convention if it’s going to make both them and their humans miserable and/or mess up their relationship IMO, and usually they show a preference for forms similar to their settled one in the years leading up to settling (e.g. Pantalaimon clearly liked his stoat/ferret and wildcat forms and mostly took other ones for reasons of practicality and convenience, and I said this in another post but I think he became a pine marten because it was the closest he could get to combining the two). If a pre-adolescent human and daemon are super cuddly with each other and that touch is really important to them, the daemon will probably settle in a form that’s compatible with that. It’s rare for autistic daemons to settle as something as small as a mouse where they could only be carefully pet with one or two fingers, for example, and they usually take mammalian or sometimes avian forms.

Brushing a daemon’s fur, and other techniques such as joint compression that are hard for a person to perform on their own body, can help both of the pair calm down and cope with sensory issues.

Unfortunately, given how fucked up the culture in Lyra’s world is, I shudder to imagine how they treat neurodivergent people. I can totally imagine people treating this closeness as the cause of autism and not a symptom, and treating it as a child “being socially impaired because they only interact with their daemon / let their daemon do too much for them and never learn to socialize with other people.” Aside from attempting to cure autism with Intercision, there are probably a bunch of horrible, abusive treatments passed off as “therapy,” like forcing children to do therapy sessions with their daemon trapped on the other side of an opaque, soundproof wall (doesn’t interfere with their bond if it’s within the separation limit, but keeps them from seeing / hearing / touching each other), caging the daemon, muzzling them to keep them from speaking for their human, or even not letting them sleep in the same room.

Another common problem is parents / educators treating an autistic person’s daemon like a service animal and offloading their responsibilities on them. Just expecting them to handle something like a meltdown or panic attack by themselves because “You’re part of them, you understand them!” and ignoring that the daemon also has fears and anxieties and sensory issues.

Expectation: Your autistic child’s daemon understands them better than you ever could and will be able to quickly and discretely calm them down from a meltdown / sensory overload without you needing to get involved and actually do your job as a parent.

Reality: You have two autistic children who share a soul and feel each other’s emotions and pain, and one of them likely has at least one sense that’s way more sensitive than a human’s. They can certainly be a source of comfort and support to each other, and can pick up on each other’s warning signs and remind each other to use coping strategies / get out of stressful situations and not try to “push through,” but this is a skill that takes time and maturity to learn, and it only works before the pair are completely overwhelmed. As stated above autistic people feel sensations and emotions from their daemon extra-intensely, and vice versa. A full-on meltdown or panic attack is such an overpowering flood of negative emotions that, combined with the stress of whatever caused the meltdown in the first place, usually just overwhelms both partners, especially in children. The best you can hope for is whichever one holds it together a bit longer is able to help their partner into a safe place and ask someone for help. Even if the daemon (or human) doesn’t have a meltdown their emotional battery will still be absolutely drained for probably the rest of the day.

#His Dark Materials fandom #daemons #silly headcanons #autism #not whump

[starshiningsirius]

Dr. Jerkyll and Mr. Hyde (Yandere Leech twins x reader)

An au idea I had came to mind based off @yandere-wishes Victorian twst story and @yandere-romanticaa 's Extraterrestrial story.

I love these two eels and I'm late on their birthday but it's still their birthday for me.

The clear moonlit sky shown brightly over the waters of the ocean. As yet another scream echoed within the streets of a supposedly vacant city.

The detective woke up with a start but not from the scream, but from the ringing of her phone. A report she had been writing stuck to her face from the humid atmosphere. She picked it up getting a few details from Idia, who was panicking on the other side of the line. Considering he worked in the criminal department at the desk and didn't have to see any bodies whatsoever you would think he'd be calm when trying to say what happened.

"Calm down Idia. Tell me what happened?" Her voice was gentle since yelling wouldn't help his nerves.

"Therewasanothermurder! Theyclaimedanothervictim!" He spoke so fast that his words wouldn't be understood by most but she was used to this with him and every word was caught by the detective's ears.

"Where's the crime scene?"

"In front of Sam's shop on Crystal Road, Ms. Y/n L/n." The voice of Idia's younger sibling popped up a contrasting his older brother's cowardly behavior.

He wanted to be just like his older brother so he spent his days in the office with him. Though there were times when Idia tapped out and his brother had to step in.

"Thank you both. I'll head their now." She hung up after hearing a farewell from both brothers.

The candle was long out and she grabbed her gun, notebook, and pen within the darkness, before venturing out the confines of her home.

When she got there a crowd had surrounded one spot in particular.

Cater was already there taking photos of the scene as it was his job being a forensic photographer.

"Hey, hey! Y/n's here, make way!" The crowd parted for her as soon as he announced her presence.

Whispers were muttered as she passed through into the middle of the crime scene. Mostly about how she hadn't caught this killer yet. She ignored them though and went on to meet with her coworker.

"It never ceases to amaze me how your always here first Cater, if anything you should be a suspect." She started off saying to her compatriot.

"Can't help it if I want to stay informed dectective, I just want to stay informed before anyone else." His smile on his face was out of place as he took another photo of the corpse.

"Who was it this time?"

"Such a poor fate to befall dear Monsieur Heart." A new voice joined in the conversation.

"Rook, I see you've arrived but can I get their name please?" The detective said sighing at the theatrics of her friend.

"His name was Ace Trappola, I can't imagine how Monsieur Spade must be feeling about this tragedy." Rook feigned a sorrowful look.

"Oh yeah A-Deuce kun were inseparable, I feel sorry for him. Think he knows already?"

"If there as inseparable as you say Cater then I suppose not, he isn't here yet otherwise I'm sure he'd cause a scene." She noted.

"That doesn't make him a suspect though right? I mean sure he's been a suspect in many crimes before, but Deuce kun far too soft!" Cater was a bit frantic at the thought alone.

"No, I doubt it was him he wouldn't want to disappoint his mother with something as vulgar as murder, he cares for her far too much to do that." That calmed his worries.

"You know I've heard Monsieur Heart have many laments on how his delivery to Roi d' Rose-" Cater didn't let Rook finish.

"RIDDLE?! No way he did this! Have you seen how strict his mother is? Just waltzing in their office and so much as suspecting her son is a one way ticket to hearing her screams! Besides I doubt his mother would even let him out this late anyway, he's always about following the rules set in place for him." Cater says with an imaginary sweat that could have formed to express his fear and anxiety.

"True, and I can't afford another headache from that lady, but we could get some valuable intel from him about Trappola's demeanor the past few days seeing as it may be a pattern in the serial killers motives."

"What about Sam? He's gotta know something considering the murder occurred in front of his shop." Cater's gaze went toward the shop to the right of them.

"Ah the shop keep, a wonderfully eccentric man with many secrets." Rook stated his opinion of him from what he gathered on his own free time.

"Says the French man whose got info on everyone from stalking them on the street." The detective says shaking her head at the strange man next to her who happily smiled at her statement.

"I wouldn't call it that more so getting to know my prey more personally." She sighed hearing his reply.

"A crime analyst such as yourself is such a good cover up!" Cater's response made her sigh once again.

She shook her head toward her coworkers. They took their job in a mild manner but beyond that they did do well to get it done. Even though the means of how they did it were very much questionable in her eyes.

She looked toward the ground seeing the body of the former male right on the cusp of adulthood. His orange hair was a bit disheveled and the looks of shock on his face petrified in time.

"Ah, the dectective is already using those perceptive eyes of hers." Cater's words fell on deaf ears as she was examining the crime scene closely.

"As expected of Reine de la déduction, such dedication in her work. Très bien!"

Their bones were disfigured, just like the last person. No one has this type of strength it didn't make any sense. The only lead that was given but she noticed a glowing substance in his mouth.

"Cater, Rook, I need some confirmation. Out of all the other times these cases have been appearing there weren't any liquid substances to be found beside the occasional blood right?"

"You are correct."

"Yeah, nothing else to be found from what I could see." They both confirmed her suspicion.

She had to go talk to Jade again, but first thing tomorrow she had to interrogate Sam, as well as Riddle Rosenhearts which was sure to be headache on her part.

* * *

His mother was an agitation to say the least. During her entry into his mother's office and upon stating the reason for her entry, Riddle's mother had already hated her the moment she finished speaking. Yelling and hollering about how her son would never commit such a crime even though the dectective never stated he was a suspect in the slightest.

She only asked to question the behavior of Mr.Trappola as of late before he met his end. He was under no suspicion whatsoever but she wasn't having that and kept screeching until her son had to calm her down.

It was much more pleasant afterwards but the headache Y/n had in the early morning just listening to her screeching didn't disappear throughout the whole endeavour.

Just before she bid him farewell he apologized deeply for his mother's behavior with a red face of complete embarrassment. To which she replied it was alright and thanked him for his time. Unfortunately though she had to bear that burden on her own as Rook and Cater had their own jobs to partake in analyzing the other crimes and investigating the trend within the series of murders. It was unfair but that was life. By the time she exited their establishment it was already in the afternoon a little after lunch.

Next was to venture to Sam's shop which was right where the crime had taken place. The body was already removed and taken to forensics, so the only thing left was a broken street lamp.

"Ah, well if isn't the dectective, I believe I already know the pleasure of seeing you here on this fine day," He tipped his hat to her with a smile on his face.

"Afternoon to you too Sam. I would like to acquire any information you have on the murder of Ace Trappola that occurred last night, in front of your establishment."

"Such a shame the little demon, was too young to have bite the dust. But you know as well as I my information comes with a price."

"A thousand madols should suffice a description of what you saw right?" She questioned handing a stack of the paper currency to which he smiled at.

"All I know is that last night was certainly something else. I heard a smash of a lamppost outside my window, up on the second floor. Shop was already closed though. When I looked down I saw what looked to be two silhouettes outside the window. One way taller than the other though, I recognized of Trappola on the ground and something glowed within the hands of the killer, a vial of sorts. He poured it down the throat of the little demon, but Trappola put up a good fight before it was over."

"Over? Can you specify?"

"As in he was left on the ground for dead, it looked like he was choking on whatever was consumed. The killer held him tightly after he realized he was choking. It was similar to a hug but one that was more deadly than a normal one. After he dropped him to the ground and walked away laughing hysterically at who he squeezed."

"And you weren't going to go to the police to inform that you had witnessed the murderer of a serial killer!" Her voice had raised a bit in volume as her agrevated state didn't alleviate since earlier in the day.

"I'm not one to get involved in others private life, Dectective. I've got a business to run." She understood his point though exhaling a sigh through her nose.

"Right. If you want to keep your life you keep your mouth shut. Alright I thank you for the intel." The dectective closed her notebook after writing down many notes on the case.

"Pleasure doing business with ya, Dectective! Best of luck to you as well! You'll be needing it more than anyone." She was only able to hear the first part of it not when his cheery demeanor went away.

She walked out to her final destination of the day, a close friend of hers. His name was Jade Leech, a smart man that excelled in pharmaceuticals just as did Riddle's mother but in a more different sense. His potions were revolutionary with in the subject of alchemy and his botany skills and knowledge made his fame and fortune.

He's helped her on countless cases before, with his expertise in potions it aided in knowing key components to solving head bangers such as this.

As she reached the door of his manor she knocked before waiting a moment or two to see his smile.

"Dectective, how pleasant it is to see you today." He flashed his signature smile toward me, with pearly teeth straight and white.

"It's nice to see you too Jade. May I come in?"

"Your always welcome here, though I must say you do look exhausted how about I put on some tea?" He made way for me to step in.

"You don't have to Jade."

"I insist, naturally I should show good hospitality to all my visitors. Your free to take a seat wherever you like."

"So how are your mushrooms doing?" She said starting up conversation on a favorable topic for him. He was in the kitchen that connected to the empty dining room, that opened the way to the living room where she sat.

"I imagine you didn't come here just to speak on how my mushrooms are doing alone?" He spoke it in the form of a question but he already knew the answer with a knowing smile on his face that she couldn't see but knew he had.

"You are right, my apologies, I actually require your aid with a substance that could be the key in solving the recent serial killings." She watched as he walked in with two plates in hand.

"It's fine, I'm glad you can come to me for help." He served the two plates, one in front of her and the other in front of himself.

They had pasta on both of them with the mushrooms I mentioned. It smelled heavenly. Her stomach growled loudly which caused Jade to laugh lightly.

"I'm assuming you haven't eaten much of anything have you?"

"No I had too much work to do today." She blushed looking away from him.

He sighed making a small 'tsk' noise.

"You have got to take better care of yourself, that dedication of yours is admirable but otherwise you'll drive yourself into an early grave with that sort of work ethic." He chastised.

"Ah, I just don't have the time these days, I'm sorry for all the trouble you have to go through for me." Her eyes traveled toward the food with a slight guilty feeling.

"You speak as if your some sort of burden on me, quite the contrary I worry for your safety and yours alone. You may be a skilled dectective but, I care for your well being first."

Her face grew to an intolerable temperature that would make people think she was sick. She was very much surprised by his words. The first time anyone has ever said anything that endearing to her in a while.

So to ignore the feeling of her heart racing she picked up her plate kept her eyes trained on it. Her expression looked to resemble pouting.

"L -let's just eat then shall we?" She stumbled on her first word internally cursing as she heard Jade's laughter.

. . .

After they had eaten Y/n had spent some time explaining to Jade the situation with Trappola's murder and handed him the vile of the substance found at the crime scene.

He listened attentively and chimed in few times for clarity. He said he would have the analysis of the substance done within two days. Soon enough she was on her way out the door even though he had offered her to stay the night she had declined politely. It wasn't weird since they were close friends with one another anyway. Not to mention there were times where she would fall asleep while waiting for Jade to finish his analysis and he would be nice enough to place her in a room.

"Thank you Jade, I would have loved to spend more time with you, but I've been really busy as of late with all these murders." She thought for a moment and then looked up at him. He was a bit tall, scratch that he was tall, of course so she got on the tips of her toes and placed a kiss on his cheek to show him her gratitude.

Jade's face lit a flame, cheeks flushed as he touched where her lips made contact.

"I'll see you later." Was all she said before walking away briskly passed the gates of his house not looking back.

She would've heard the glass breaking inside the male's house in which indicated another presense inside.

. . .

Two days had passed and the dectective was trying to piece together what was the link between these series of murders.

She had to go check with Lilia who is the pathologist that had completed an autopsy on all the bodies of the victims. As eccentric as he was he was more tolerable than the combo of intricacies that are her co workers. Then again everyone in this office was weird in their own way.

"Ah, dectective what great weather we're having today, is it not?" He said with a smile on his face.

Unlike Jade he was significantly shorter than him so she had to look down a little to see him or stand a few feet away.

"It is indeed, Lilia. You seem to be in a good mood today."

"That is because I have made a breakthrough on today, while working through the night." His smile grew and the magenta eyes affirmed his happiness toward the news he had to share.

"On Mr. Trappola's body, I have found something strange but interesting nevertheless! A scale and not only that, but there is something you should see for yourself!" He brought her over to said man's corpse luckily the bottom half of his body is covered and the top half as well up to his shoulders.

Lilia grabbed one of his tools for dissection and beckoned her to come closer as she showed her what he had found. That's when she saw it.

Lilia had a small knife and maneuvered it to a small spot itself, lifting up a small piece of skin that was already slit and based on the size of the knife and similarity to another a butter knife it wouldn't have been able to cut the skin.

"There are two more like this on this side of his neck and three on the other side. So it seems like they're gills.

"What about the other bodies?"

"I spent the night examining those as well and they all have the same gills but Trappola here is the only one who had a few scales."

"So maybe the substance has something to do with these oddities on him. Trappola probably ingested some."

"It's quite possible that whoever this murderer is trying to test the substance on the person instead of themselves but based on Trappola's few scales being the latest attempt it seems they are making improvement for whatever the elixir's use is. These strange characteristics it reminds me of some fairytale I heard some time ago." He drifted off sounding like an old man reminiscing.

"Enlgihten me then Lilia." Knowing just how Lilia liked to ramble on about myths and legends like he'd seen them and lived through their stories.

"Well if you insist but this one involves merfolk certainly you've heard of mermaids and such right these scales on legs don't they remind you of those types of things. Gills on their necks so that half people half fish would gain the ability to breath underwater."

"Ah right but this is reality. Seeing is believing though right? Who knows though maybe they could help with the case." She was skeptic hearing about a bunch of lore that could just be coincidental but she knew better than that. Coincidents were more than just preordained.

. . .

Now back at Jade's manor the dectective was contemplating what in the world such a myth could play a factor in a murder scene. It just didn't make any sense as to why the person would need such a potion. What type of person would you have to be to go that f-

She couldn't finish that thought since Jade had opened the door.

"Ah, Jade good day to you-" the dectective looked up toward him to see the tall man staring at her for a bit longer than a few seconds. She did notice the strand of black hair usually on his right was on the left.

Unconsciously she reached up and was about to grab it before her hand was grabbed.

"Just what are you doing little dectective?" His voice got a bit darker towards the end sending shivers down her spine for a second before she saw his eyes in front of her and thought to herself for a second.

'Was his gold eye always on the right?'

A slight tighter squeeze on her hand woke her up form her head. She was reminded of the situation again. She could feel his breath closer to her face, she was internally malfunctioning and was losing her train of focus.

"Ah, I was, I was just trying to flip your black strand of hair." She stuttered and didn't internally curse herself this time since the proximity was still a factor in her brain turning to mush.

Jade suddenly smiled a wide one at that. Usually it'd be small and polite even when teasing he'd have a signature closed eyed smile keeping the adorable image of his flustered dectective in his head. But that wasn't the case this time. This smile was more menacing and sent bad news toward all who saw it.

Jade towered over her a bit more leaning to the right a bit toward her ear.

"Dectective do you know what you remind me of?" He questioned with a wide smile on his face.

He leaned in too close for comfort his breath could be felt on her right ear, while his hand on her shoulder kept her still.

"An adorable little shrimp! I could just eat you up!" He said it slow to build up suspense but it sounded serious and at the same time.

She pushed him away feeling her face heat up tremendously like an oven.

"J -Jade!" She couldn't find the words to describe what she just heard feeling beyond embarrassed and having her heart pound loudly that she swore he could hear.

"I -I have to go, thank you for your time!" She frantically stated about to run off but before she could Jade had grabbed her wrist and pulled her back.

"Aww can't I get a kiss too, little shrimp? Besides aren't you forgetting something?" She was too put off by the request to understand the sentence, but her mind did process part of the sentence and she remembered why she came here.

He held up a folded up sheet of paper in his hands toying with her holding it out of her reach.

How could he say that in such a cool voice? Her nerves couldn't handle so much teasing, it wasn't unlike him but it seemed he had gone over his usual gentlemanly behavior.

She hurriedly kissed him on the cheek in which he hadn't expected such a quick response to his question with a blush on his face becoming apparent and his frozen stature. She took the opportunity to jump up for the paper and ran from near the doorstep bidding farewell with the sheet of paper she had took in hand leaving a blushing male to watch her run out. His smile grew as he saw her frantic behavior, excitement bubbling within him.

He ran outside to the backyard of the mansion to go share his newfound happiness.

. . .

"Jade! Shrimpy is really cute!" The one male spoke to Jade in a tone of voice that was different than that of a few minutes, one that would have made him believe he was Jade himself.

There appearances were so similar, cept for the eyes and voice they were twins after all. With a little makeup and easy voice tone change one could hardly tell the difference anyway.

"I'd thought you'd understand if you saw her up close, Floyd." Jade was actually outside tending to his mushrooms in the garden while his look alike was entertaining the female detective that had left in a hurry. Though knowing his brother he could already assume how it must have went. Thinking of his little dectective being so flustered indefinitely brought out his sadistic side a bit.

"Can we keep her?" Floyd was so fond of her seeing her turn red, hearing her heart beating loudly, when she stuttered and that kiss on the cheek pretty much sealed the deal for him. She was so full of life and it brought excitement for him since he had to stay within the manor and avoid everyone. His behavior would be brash and scare many in the public eye not only that but his strength was inhuman which could cause problems for the person on the receiving end. Especially if you were trying to blend in.

They only came from the sea to see the lives of humans and unlike one of their friends who started a business in this day and age. Jade could survive on land with the ability to easily fool others with a facade whereas Floyd couldn't do that all the time and would probably squeeze someone for no reason other than boredom.

He didn't like being confined but after seeing the dectective sleeping on the couch once, he became curious as to who she was and why Jade spent so much time helping her. He knew for a fact his brother was not at all kind or generous. He was beginning to finally understand.

"We are but you have to be patient, you did give her both sheets of paper before she ran off correct?" His brother inquired finally seeing the hunger in his brother's eyes.

"Yup, she gave me a kiss just so she could distract me and take it. Shrimpy is so cunning she makes me want to squeeze her and pay her back for catching me off guard like that." The thought alone sounded enticing to Floyd, he couldn't wait to wrap his tail around her.

"I need you to go on another 'outing' tonight we have to perfect this first if we want to have any shot at having her to ourselves." Jade's words did nothing to damper his mood as his excitement reached a new level at the thought of showing his little Shrimpy off to everyone.

They were trying to get make a potion in which a human could become a sea creature, though it was easy for Jade to make one for himself and Floyd to come on land. The same can't be said for a person that's been human and has not a single gene that ties them to the ocean. Altering genetics is difficult and delicate and one mistake and their dear little detective could end up just like those poor unfortunate souls that were test subjects. Jade would never risk bringing her with them under the sea if he wasn't sure she'd make it.

"Okay~ Jade!" He said eagerly!

Now that Floyd was on board as well he would be more motivated and inclined to help, making it more easier for Jade as he wouldn't bother and complain so much about being on land longer.

. . .

She barely slept a wink after what had occurred. Every time she thought about her encounter with Jade she'd blush and bury her face into a pillow with frustration.

She tried before to get some of her work done before that, but that didn't work out too well as her mind drifted back to the same situation.

How close he was, the warmth of his breath against her ear, it was enough to make her brain stop functioning as if he were there again.

He seemed far more clingy than usual and she didn't know how to describe it other than strange. The notes from the alchemist were neat and precise and confirmed what Lilia and her examined on the bodies earlier in the day. But that wasn't the only thing that fell from the folded piece of paper. It was another small piece with neat cursive that matched the analytics on the other page.

'Would you like to spend your day off with me?'

Yet another reason she wouldn't be getting much sleep tonight.

. . .

After getting off from work she mentioned to her coworkers how Jade had offered her to spend her day off with him. Well they asked what she was gonna do with her day off since it was a rarity. First Cater asked her if she said yes to him yet. She said no and he understood from the get go that she was way too flustered to even respond to him. So he offered to go respond to him on her phone.

Rook congratulated her and went on a rant about love even though she tried to get through his head it wasn't a date. He asked what she would wear and she had no actual clue, in which Rook took that as an invitation to lend his aid and expertise.

He brought her to one of his friend's businesses. Cater said this place was highly recommended and that anyone whose anyone came to the place for a makeover. Specifically called Vil's beauty salon and boutique. She didn't understand how a person could have both but he seemed to be managing it fine. The said shop owner gave her one look and shook his head at her appearance.

His words were, "What a poor excuse for a girl to go on date with such a potato face such as that, it's shameful for not only you but the guy as well."

He had her try on clothes and by the end of it all, she felt different. Her head hurt from all the pulling around of her hair. She had put on enough clothes that she believed she was playing dress up. The outfit settled upon was different from her usual style and she had on makeup for the first time in her life.

Rook and Cater applauded Vil's work new appearance. The dectective had to admit that when she looked in the mirror she understood why Vil had such a reputation that Cater reccomended him highly.

She had to buy all of it of course and thanked Vil immensely for his efforts. There was actually a discount considering Rook brought her and she looked so 'pathetic'. He had a victoriously smug smile on his face and complimented his own efforts before waving the trio off. She thanked her two coworkers and bid them farewell, looking forward to the her first day off in a millennia.

When she met Jade the next day at his door he was plenty surprised by her appearance. He blushed with his eyes widened in astonishment at the change. Not to mention on the side of the manor Floyd could see just how beautiful she had dressed. It was going to be a long day especially with the heels she was wearing and trying her hardest to walk in.

. . .

The two friends went to Clover's bakery where Jade offered to pay for any sweets she wanted but it seemed they were terribly busy today and the line was a bit long not mention the place was packed inside so there weren't any tables to sit in.

Trey said it was nice to see her out and about for once not on dectective business for once. He said hello to Jade as they were all friends though she only knew Trey from Jade who introduced me. On rare occasions she would go to his bakery for something sweet. He handed them two cupcakes for free but also asked for a favor for him.

"Can you give deliever Riddle this tart please? His mother isn't home and he rarely ever gets anything sweet. I usually have Ace do it but-" He looks away for a moment.

"It's fine, Jade do you-"

"It's no trouble at all, we'd be happy to." He says with an enchanting smile on his face.

Trey handed over the box containing the tart to them and they made their way over to the clinic where Riddle resided.

On the way Jade and her conversed. She asked him why he agreed so quickly and he responded with his own unique answer.

"I know it's in your nature to help others. Yet another fond trait of yours."

It's more embarrassing hearing it for the first time and out loud no less. She could feel her face heat up again.

"Then there's when you turn into a cherry, one of my favorite traits." He said in a teasing tone with a smile toward her making the dectective flush even more and look away biting into her cupcake. To ignore the laughter emitting from her friend alongside her. Now this is the Jade she knows.

. . .

To be completely honest both of them enjoyed their time today with one another. They had delivered Riddle's tart which was almost a complete disaster.

Considering she asked Jade to be lookout in case his mother came back. Long story short she did arrive earlier than expected. After she and Riddle heard her voice outside the walls right near the entrance gate, the dectective told Riddle to go before she found him with the tart. Riddle was far more worried about her but the dectective told him she'd be fine.

By fine she meant ducking in the rose bushes for cover, there weren't any thorns surprisingly all been cut off. She waited for Riddle's mother to enter the house and had to scale the wall that was located next to an alleyway. Climbing up was the easy part but getting down was the hard part. She was wearing heels and that drop looked like she would possibly break a bone if she landed the wrong way.

She came to a decision to take a leap of fate and let her heels drop to the ground. One thought passed about Vil being pissed about her ruining them. She shook her head though and pushed herself off.

Before she could land someone else caught her. Looking up at her savior she saw the two colored eyes of Jade. Who smiled happily at making it on time.

"Ah look at that, my assumption was right. I thought you'd take this route out their place. It would've been such a shame if you were to get injured."

"Thank you Jade, can you put me down now please?"

"I don't think so I'd rather hold you like this until we get to the resturant for everyone to see." He playfully said watching her face heat up.

"Wha-? N -no I can walk on my own!"

"But you might have hurt something besides someone who can't get their words out is akin to a child so they must be coddled correct?" His teasing was endless today.

. . .

After leaving the Monstro Lounge a business run by one of Jade's friends, Azul Ashengrotto, the sun had already long set.

"Let me accompany you to your apartment, Y/n it's supposedly dangerous to be out after dark correct? Or you can just spend the night again?" He offered.

"I have to decline besides I've already used enough of your generosity I don't want to take it for granted. It's been such a great day thanks to you Jade, wish we could do these more often cept for the fact I have work tomorrow." She said in a relaxed tone.

Despite all the teasing she really did enjoy herself with the man. Having her heart beating loudly all day and having her brain short circuit was all too amusing to the man beside her, but out of everyone else even his own brother she made him feel strangely different. He couldn't explain the feeling itself, but he knew for a fact he'd never do all of this for someone he would use.

"You wish to spend more time with me? I can grant that you know." Jade had said that so simply and out of the blue but in a calm tone as well.

"There's no way you can do something like that but I appreciate the thought. It's fine though you've done enough already. I'd rather not burden you with a simple wish." She said with content.

Before he could respond to that statement fast footsteps hurried over to them both and made the pair turn around.

"I saw the killer it was Mr.Leech! He ran away from the scene!" His hair was a light green, eyes full of life and the loud tone of his voice was distinct.

"Sebek what do you mean you saw Jade kill someone he was with me the entire time!We just left the Monstro Lounge Azul saw us leave!" The dectective was defensive pertaining to justice being served, not to mention her friend was being accused and she had been with him the entirely of the day.

"No it was him I saw him Felmier was killed by him!"

"Felmier was killed?! You should've started with that! Take me to the body did you make sure he was dead?!"

. . .

Sebek had spread all about the town that Jade was the murderer even though the people who had seen us together throughout the day vouched. Trey, Riddle, Azul, Rook, and Cater even Vil had seen them together. Some actually took Sebek's words in and started to distrust Jade even so.

Vil and Rook two friends of Felmier had paid for the funeral costs as Epel's family was struggling. It was admirable to see the young man take on the vicious job as Vil's protégé. It really was a shame. Vil actually kept up a face and Rook though he looked upon the casket with blank like expression it was easy to tell he was out for blood. Jade did show up to pay his respects even though some glared at him and were suspicious.

Vil came up to dectecrive during the repass and told her to make that fool pay dearly. She would of course no argument there. Epel had been a good kid and may have been a bit brash but still good nonetheless. So was Ace.

And thus a good day ended on a sour note.

The dectective would have more sleepless nights. Lilia performed an autopsy on Epel's body with Vil standing by his side to make sure he didn't damage it. Even he was shocked to see more and more scales near his legs and gills that were more prominent.

These people were getting even more closer to there goal it seemed and she couldn't do a thing. She was so frustrated at that fact alone. Jade's analysis did help some though. Looking through shops though that sold what would be the components of the elixir nothing suspicious could be found in any of the people who had brought those items. Not to mention those who did didn't have all the items brought from another store, there was no reoccurring name in sales.

Speaking of Jade though she had begun to think back to Sebek. He wasn't the type to lie not on the name of the mysterious nobleman Malleus Draconia that he served would he ever embarrass himself to stain his name even slightly. That's what Lilia told her at least.

He said Jade had did the deed. But he was with her the entire time. Come to think Sam's description had also matched Jade's strange behavior before he gave her the analysis, but it didn't make sense. Jade was one person he couldn't be in two places at once!

Maybe someone was trying to frame him and to that extent she went to go question if he had any enemies of the sort. His response was that he didn't have any as far as he knew. That could have been a good lead.

With no others she sighed looking extremely worn out and Jade had a frown seeing her state. He insisted she stay the night and she denied saying she had to finish this case even more so now. He at least offered her a meal in which he put slipped some sleeping pills that made her fall asleep after eating.

Both pairs of two colored eyes gazed at her peaceful state not liking how she'd exhaust herself with so much work. Only for the sake of others and waste time and effort for people that isn't them. It was annoying to Floyd and agitated Jade more than he liked to admit. She did say she wanted to spend more time with them right?? If only she didn't have that stupid job. Even more a reason to push the date up to the next few days.

. . .

About a week and a half had passed and the dectective had no other leads still. It was killing her to say the least. All those unfortunate victims and those families and friends that mourned definitely weighed on her shoulders, guilt eating at her insides. Such a shame too within the end of the day she was at home taking an evening nap on her day off in which she didn't even go out today. Her phone buzzed waking her up from her slumber.

A text from Jade. It had been awhile since they last talked seeing as she fell asleep at his manor again even though she didn't intend to.

Rubbing her eyes she read the text from her bright phone screen.

'Meet me at the dock at 10 today.'

She wasn't as flustered as last time in fact she considered not going as this case took top priority. But this was Jade, her closest friend, and she hadn't taken much of a break as her nap was only 30 mintues probably the only amount of sleep she would get today if she was being honest with herself.

She reluctantly sighed and decided to get ready an hour before meeting him and walk there a bit early to have some time to her own thoughts. She thought about going to Vil's shop to buy another outfit but it would have been a waste if they were only meeting for a short time. Not to mention she didn't want Vil to come to the conclusion she was slacking off with Jade even though the bags around her eyes were very much proof.

As she sat at the edge of the dock admiring the stars the waves hitting the edge of the pier calmed her head. It was nice to say the least.

She wondered what Jade would have to talk about. She looked at her phone and saw it was 10:05, Jade being late was a surprise, hopefully if she waited a bit longer her worry would ease. That atmosphere could not have lasted any longer.

A slight wind blew and during that exact moment something pulled her under by her feet into the cold ocean waters below. She managed to hold her breath and open her eyes to see nothing but darkness even with the moon behind the clouds right about now only endless shadows were there.

She could barely hear but she could have sworn something swam by her. Arms touched her waist which almost made her scream for a moment though that was something suicidal. It touch the sides of her stomach and stayed there for a moment.

Even though she tried to struggle it was fruitless when the thing that held her tickled her sides making her open her mouth and succumb to breathing in water then choking soon after. That wasn't the only thing to occur since the next second lips were on hers and a fluid trickled down her throat along with the water that she was trying to swallow. The tongue of said thing dipped inside her mouth and would have made her gag if they hadn't pulled away.

She regretted it the moment they did cause she still could breath and with her mouth open she thought she would take her final breath. Both or what she assumes were two people backed off letting her go to meet her demise with her slowly closing her eyes. She didn't notice the glow of what transpired around her lower half of her body. She could finally take in some much needed breaths except her neck for some reason felt sore and she could no longer move her legs separately to try and swim up for air.

Looking down she saw the horrid image of a long tail with a fin on the end where her legs were supposed to be. The pain form her neck was from three newly formed slits on either side of her neck. Her fingers traced over them finding this whole situation unbelievable. When she finally came to her senses she found herself hearing voices as well.

"Shrimpy's still here! It worked, Jade!" A cheerful voice could be heard in the cold waters that surrounded her.

Something slimy wrapped about her new found lower half. Pulling her closer to be within someone's arms. They held her a bit too tight like all the air, water in her lungs could have been? Did she still even have those anymore she wondered? Even still the amount of pressure put on her by the creature hugging her was able to be felt.

He was laughing happily spinning around in circles with the former human female getting dizzy by the second.

"I can see that Floyd. How wonderful, but do take it down a notch she only was just turned after all." That voice was all too familiar. She couldn't help but say it aloud, but that couldn't be true.

"Jade?" Her voice was a whisper but of course he still heard it.

"Yes, my dear angelfish what is it?" He responded in an endearing tone that was calm despite the situation she was just put through.

She glanced toward the voice to see what appeared to be a creature similar to that of an eel by the tail. Her eyes trailed up to the sight of his face. It was him no doubt about it. The eyes were exact and so was the hair the only difference was the body and skin.

"Aw Shrimpy why'd you acknowledge him first? I'm here too." A voice whined in a more child like tone directly in her ear. It brought a shiver down her spine.

'Shrimpy?' That was unmistakably the nickname Jade gave her when he acted weird.

She turned toward his way and saw a sharp toothed grin on his face when she looked at him.

"Floyd you haven't even introduced yourself." Jade sounded like his normal self and this Floyd person was just the complete opposite of him.

"Oh right Shrimpy I'm Floyd, Jade's brother and your going to be with us in the sea from now on! Isn't that great? I can't wait to show you all my favorite places you'll love it!" He sounded so excited while dread built up in the mermaid.

"What do you mean stay here?! What have you done to me? Who, what even are you two?!" She said those words with malice laced into them having them both chuckle in response.

Jade had also wrapped his tail about her upper half restraining her further. He brought himself closer to her face, a smirk etched on to it.

"My, my, Y/n you did say you wanted to spend more time with me, isn't this what you wanted?" He tilted her chin up showing a sadistic smile on his face that only built up even more dread than what his brother had already.

"I didn't realize or expected anything like this and you know that! Why would you do this?! You! You-" She thought for a second processing all that had occurred the past couple of weeks.

"You killed them you gave them that exlixir that ended their lives. Every single one of them." This time it was the other brother's turn to speak.

"There's our little dectective she's so smart!~" Floyd just made her completely uncomfortable with how he would call her that nickname and whisper words in her ear.

"Why? Why would you do this?" She became defeated knowing turf like this was theirs and she stood no chance against them in the first place.

"Eh why? Is Shrimpy really that blind Jade?" Floyd mocked her with no remorse as tears streamed down the dectective's eyes at the thought of letting so many people down.

"Why? My dear angelfish haven't you noticed? We've become quite enamored with you. Hm no better word to put it is obsessed, at first it was just me but with Floyd's impatience I just had to get him in on understanding why we didn't go back home already. As for those people they were necessary for testing the elixir for this very moment. We couldn't have you dying on us afterall." He said with absolute calmness evoking rage within the mermaid.

She clenched her fists.

"So many were sacrificed, I should've died, instead." She murmured the last half but both the twin eels heard it.

There expressions turned dark and their tails gripped the female tighter startling her from her state of guilt.

"Eh, why would you say that Shrimpy, we can't have you leaving us. We finally got you all to ourselves and I haven't had much time with you, and yet you say you want to leave." Floyd's arms contracted her more than Jade's tail already, now she understood what it must have felt like for Trappola.

"He is right Y/n dear, we only want what's best for you and having you say that only makes our blood boil so please understand." Jade gripped her chin with a scary amount of strength. This was the first time he ever seemed so much more intimidating to her.

"Don't ever say something like that again am I clear?"

From that point on she was stuck between the twin eels who loved her so. She only wished she could have been able to listen to Sebek when he said the truth. Mr. Leech did do it just not the one she thought.

#twisted wonderland #disney twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #yandere twisted wonderland #floyd leech #jade leech #yandere floyd leech #yandere jade leech #yandere twst #yandere tweels

[petri808]

Nalu Yakuza Au *cover art by @jmoart214 💜

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This chapter came out a little longer than usual. lemony teasing

Natsu’s secretary called her boss from the front office. “Mr. Dragneel, Mr. Avatar is here.”

“Thank you, Ms. Kinana. Send him in.”

Because no one in the organization was a computer whiz, he contracted with an independent IT person who was recommended by Yura. The guy, Jerome Avatar wasn’t skittish, didn’t care who he worked for as long as it paid well, and generally had a pleasant demeanor. As the accountant, Yura was in contact with Jerome the most, but for any major issues or changes, those had to be cleared with Natsu first. It was mostly quick, in and out of the office dealings.

Jerome shook Natsu’s hand over the desk before taking a seat.

“So,” Natsu questioned, “what brings you here today? Is there something I need to approve?”

“No, nothing new. I asked for this meeting because I came across some intelligence you might be interested in.”

“Oh?”

“I learned that your rival Heartfilia had been in contact with a new cyber security client, Mikage Kaishā who’s into a lot of shady dealings with government contacts.”

Natsu shrugged his shoulders. “Sounds like just a typical client for her, probably has her launder money for them. I don’t really pay attention to her clients because we deal with different things. But I do appreciate you telling me.”

“Should I keep an eye on them?”

“That’s fine if you believe it’s worth it. And if you learn about anything that could hurt us let me know immediately. By the way, how did you find out this information?”

“A friend in the field told me about it, then I hacked into Heartfilia’s computers to authenticate the information.”

Natsu sat forward in his chair. “You hacked into her computer? I’m surprised her employee didn’t catch that, cause I know she’s good at this stuff too.”

The man grinned. “Well, not as good as me.” He pointed to Natsu’s laptop. “If you’d like, I can set it up so you can access her system from your computer too.”

“Oh, I don’t want to tamper with her company—”

Jerome waved a hand nonchalantly to stop him. “I wouldn’t advise it either, if you touch things, that’s what’ll get attention, but you can watch what’s going on. Keep an eye on her calendar, meeting dates, whatever you want.”

Natsu sat back, rubbing his chin. The offer was a very tempting one indeed. A chance to stalk his ex through cyberspace… someone must have mentioned to this Jerome guy their history. It wasn’t exactly hidden, but not something talked about either amongst lower ranking employees. This wasn’t the first time Jerome had brought them intelligence info, so maybe he was looking to increase his usefulness, climb the ladder so to speak? Being connected to a powerful Yakuza house was certainly handy, and what better way than to tap into such a personal subject.

“That could be interesting,” Natsu finally responded. “Alright, what do you have to do to set it up? And make sure it’s nothing I could screw up accidentally cause I really don’t want her to find out.”

Jerome looked at his watch as if calculating his options. “I could do it now. Might take me about an hour if you can go without the laptop for that amount of time.”

“You have to take it back to your office or something?”

“No,” the man shook his head. “I can do it right here, so I can explain along the way.”

“Perfect.” Natsu then called his secretary and requested she double his lunch order due to an extended meeting.

While the computer tech fiddled, Natsu just sat back with his meal, watching him work. Math wasn’t his strong suit— nor academics for that matter. Growing up, his father had always told him he would be next in line as boss, so he only learned what he needed to for that world. One needed strength, cunning, street smarts, not book smarts. Though he had to admit the things these hackers could do was scary when you thought about it. Lucy was lucky in that her best friend was just a wiz at language— including computer languages. It all looked like gibberish, but the woman interpreted it almost like a savant. According to Jerome, from what he’d seen so far, Levy was not yet at his skill level, but that could easily change with time and experience like he’d been through.

“Natsu you—” Gray paused his knock on the doorframe. “Sorry, I thought the meeting would be done by now.”

“It’s fine, Jerome is hacking Lucy’s system for me right now.” Natsu responded with a grin. “Now I’ll see what she’s up to in real time.”

Gray groaned and ran a hand down his face in disgust. “I’m not even gonna respond to that. But I will tell you I told you so when it blows up in your face later.”

“Tch. She won’t know, right Jerome?”

“She shouldn’t unless you touch something.” The man answered while continuing to type.

“See. It’ll be fine.”

“You’re an idiot. Anyway,” Gray waved a hand nonchalantly as he left, “call me when your free to go over the new orders.”

“It will be fine, right?” Natsu asked Jerome a second time with a bit of anxiety in his tone.

Jerome stopped typing. “As long as you just observe they shouldn’t see you, just don’t get excited and touch something.”

“I don’t plan to; not like I’ll know how to do that anyways.”

“I’m almost finished, but do you want me to turn on her web camera so you can see through it?”

“But she won’t see me?”

“No, for you it’ll just be like watching a one-way video feed with image and audio.”

After a momentary pause, Natsu’s eyes narrowed with a mischievous grin. “Do it.”

Being able to see Lucy every day and feed his addiction was just too tempting, ‘I’m turning into a junky.’ But Gray’s words entered his mind. What if the man was right, could this bite him in the ass later? Probably… Though how bad could it really be? He really had no plans to interfere with Lucy’s business, just her personal life— and yes, he knew it sounded horrible. What right did he have to stalk his ex? None. ‘I just worry about her, is that so wrong?’ Lucy’s tough, but she’s just a woman and their world didn’t always treat women fairly. His desire to protect her bordered neuroticism, but could anyone blame him considering the underworld they worked in. ‘I’m just doing it to protect her,’ Natsu justified it to himself. Guys like Gray who haven’t fallen in love yet, ‘they just don’t understand.’ If anything were to happen to Lucy, he didn’t know what he would do. Probably move Heaven and earth and kill any in his way for what they’d done.

It took just over an hour before Jerome finished installing the spyware and making sure the systems were still secured. Just a one-way mirror that Levy shouldn’t catch unless really digging for it. Another 20 minutes were spent explaining to Natsu how to do the accessing part, including pulling up the webcam whenever he wanted to. “Or just leave it running,” Jerome noted. “It’ll just show up in this window,” he pointed towards the screen, “and as long as you don’t log out completely from your computer it’ll stay open.”

“Who turns off their computers?”

“Actually, it’s a good idea to turn them off now and then so any software updates can be completed, but since I manage your systems, there’s not really a need to.”

“Great.” The two men stood up and shook hands. “Thanks, Jerome.”

“It was my pleasure.”

When Natsu arrived each day at headquarters, the first thing and last thing he did was check to see if there was anything new or interesting going on Lucy’s side. It was like being hooked on one of their products, because the high it gave sucked him right in. But so far, he also stayed away from the video feed. Looking through her calendar or emails were cold and impersonal, but maybe the video was too close, too real, too much of a moral dilemma in crossing that line of a peeping Tom. That didn’t mean his addiction may one day require more feeding…

October had rolled around, and the air outside grew crisp and cold. It was a beautiful time of the year with the color changing leaves, reminding that winter was soon upon them. How quickly the time sure flew. The Dragneel Yakuza clan had already started preparing for their end of year Bonenkai to happen in mid-December. This plus the Shinnenkai in January were the two biggest parties the clan threw for all their members. The first is to forget the stresses of the past year, while the other was to welcome a successful new year. Natsu spared no expense on the food and drinks to take care of the loyalty and hard work their members contributed. From the emails, he knew that Lucy’s group had also started preparing for theirs. ‘Maybe I’ll crash her party,’ he mused to himself. ‘Oh, what’s this?’ His eyes fell on a new email of an appointment reminder for the next day. It was for Lucy’s monthly massage at an upscale spa. Natsu checked his own calendar and noticed he had nothing booked, no meetings, no shipments arriving— a perfect opportunity.

The next day, Natsu went to the spa early and spoke directly to the owner, paying them a nice chunk of change to allow him access and to play along. Lucy was scheduled for 2pm and arrived right on time. So, as he waited behind the scenes, the receptionist acted like normal and directed her inside. She had a regular masseuse, something Natsu knew he couldn’t fake upfront, so that person stood inside the room to greet her.

“Welcome, Ms. Heartfilia. I’ll step out while you get ready. Please lie on your stomach like normal.”

“Thank you, Kenji,” Lucy smiled. She’d been coming here for a couple years and was aware of the routine. The male masseuse had strong, but gentle hands and knew her body well by now.

Natsu had to admit he wasn’t happy to find out Lucy’s regular masseuse was a guy but held back from lashing out. He didn’t want to do anything to mess up this adventure— and oh, he planned to have his own revenge. It wouldn’t be as sexual as the soapland incident but knowing many of her trigger points meant he could do a bit of damage well enough. Now, Natsu had noted that Kenji’s voice was a bit deeper than his own, which would be difficult to fake, but the man explained he didn’t do much talking while working and played relaxing music during the session. Perfect. Natsu could just hit play and not talk at all.

“Ready, Ms. Heartfilia?” Kenji called out through the closed door.

The muffled yes was heard, and the man stepped away, leaving Natsu to his business. He entered the room and immediately turned on the pre-set music, a light instrumental with Asian undertones. It was quite pleasing to listen to. And there Lucy was under a silk sheet to cover her naked body, with her arms up and crossed, head perched on the relaxed hands, and hair up in a loose bun, revealing her beautiful neck. Natsu almost shuddered at the sight and knowledge he would get to touch her skin… it was the one thing she didn’t allow him to do at Soapland— touch. His grin grew as he rubbed his hands together to warm them before making the first move.

He moved the sheet to uncover Lucy’s lower half, up to the thighs, then applied a film of scented massage oils to his hands with a few drops over the taut muscles along her long legs, chasing the dripping liquid along her skin to smooth them over. His hands glide through several passes to the swell of her ass, then back down again all the way to the ankles, fingers applying pressure against the tendons and ligaments to gently work out any tension it encountered. Lucy sighed wispily as his hands massaged each foot, squeezing, smoothing, paying attention to each digit and every curve. His thumbs applied pressure at the arches, kneading the tight knots there from wearing heels all day long. He stayed focused on the area, her toes curling and flexing as the mewls leaching from her show their pleasure, until Natsu felt the knots give and relax away.

“Mmm, you’re getting good at that Kenji,” Lucy purred with a little huskiness in her tone.

Natsu grinned to himself as he lowered the sheet back down, so she stayed warm and moved onto her supple ass. Using both hands, he took his time to knead each cheek through the silken fabric, using his fingers to follow the gluteus muscles, starting near the leg, and following the swell of her curve upwards, slowly riding the fibers looking for any knots or tense areas. One cheek, then the other paying loving attention to and listening to the sounds Lucy made to clue him in on where to go. Every sigh a notch in his belt, each mewling purr a win. Natsu grew bolder, fanning out his thumb each time it got closer to her thighs to touch…

“Oh, Kenji,” Lucy whined, “you’re being a naughty boy today— keep it up.”

‘What?!’ Natsu’s hands paused and tensed for a split second before catching himself. Does Kenji mess with her too?! He shook his head and finished up in the area quickly trying not to let such thoughts stop him. ‘Just focus…’ Natsu grumbled in his head.

After applying more oil to his hands, he moved the sheet down to reveal Lucy’s back and for a second time, Natsu paused on what it contained. Her tattoo… It symbolized… he took a deep breath and dropped more oil on to the skin, willing away the memories breaching his mind. He didn’t want to think about it, not now. It was too painful.

“You okay, Kenji?” Lucy questioned as if noticing the slight pause or tremble in the man’s hands.

Natsu mumbled a soft Mmhmm and dived into the massage so Lucy wouldn’t grow more concerned, missing the uptick in the corners of her lips. He slowly smoothed along the skin using the base of his palms for pressure, each hand following the muscles, moving out from the waist, up the center of her back, and flaring out towards the sides just below the shoulder blades, repeating the same movement, each time increasing the speed while lessening the pressure. Next, he targeted the upper back and shoulder blades, an area he knew Lucy held a lot of tension from carrying the weight of her voluptuous bosoms. With precise ministrations, Natsu applied careful pressure with his thumbs and follows the curve of the blades up and around to the top of the shoulder. He then searched with the pads of his fingers for any knots along her trap muscles, moving up along the spine and fanning out to the top of her shoulders.

“Oh, yeah, right there,” Lucy mewled when he reached a specific spot.

The area around her spine, between the shoulder blades held the most tension and knots from constantly holding the upright, flexed posture that wearing heels will create. Her wispy sighs signaled the release of her tense muscles, bringing another wave of pride swelling in him. Natsu continued onto her neck, his strong hands kneaded the supple flesh, fingers palpating and soothing all the knots. Her neck too, held a few tense areas, especially around the base of the head, so he did his best to melt them away. He worked through Lucy’s mewls and moaning sighs, almost sexual in nature, aroused and a little heated in the face knowing his handiwork brought forth such sounds. Ugh, how he wanted to hear more of it! Lucy putty in his hands and spread between his thighs, calling out his name…

“You’ve gotten better at this… Natsu,” the cocky teasing tone, snapped him out of his dream.

“Natsu?” He tried failingly to disguise his voice. “I’m Kenji, Ms. Heartfilia.”

“Uh-huh. You think I can’t tell the difference Natsu?” Lucy quipped back with a chuckle. “Kenji’s routine is very different. Plus, I knew the moment I smelled your cologne.”

Busted.

“Tch. Well, if you knew it was me all along, why’d you let me do this?”

“Making you work is my payback.” She settled back down, relaxed on her arms. “Now, chop, chop, finish the job.”

This little minx! He was the one supposed to be torturing her this time, not the other way around! “Fine, kitten.” Natsu gritted out a smile and took hold of her neck again to placate and lull Lucy back into thinking he would go along. He massaged the sides with the tips of his fingers Both hands wrapped around, and his thumbs pushing up through her hair against the muscles on the back of her head.

“If only you’d taken care of me like this before,” Lucy mumbled.

Natsu paused and leaned over her ear. “Why not let me take care of you now?”

“You know the answer to that.”

“No, I don’t know the answer, that’s part of the problem!”

Lucy sighed. “Natsu, I don’t want to fight right now. I’m here to relax, not fight. If you’re done, then leave and send Kenji back in.”

“Oh, yeah. Why? Because he’s another one of your boy toys? He gonna be naughty again with you once I leave?!”

“Pfft, I said that knowing it was you, idiot.”

“I think you live to torture me, Angel. But you’re right. I don’t wanna fight right now either, so—” Natsu leaned down quick and latched his mouth onto the area between her shoulder blades, sucking hard.

Lucy squealed and reached back frantically trying to claw at his face, but he grabbed her hands, knowing if she struggled any harder, she risked completely exposing herself. He held her for a few seconds, and once satisfied he’d achieved his goal, let go.

“Natsu! Did you put a hickey on me?!”

“This Angel,” he trailed his fingers over Lucy’s tattoo as he spoke, “belongs to me. Will always be mine,” he whispered close to her ear. “You know it, I know it, and your boy toys will know it too.”

“I hate you.”

“Nah,” Natsu stood up and covered her back up with the sheet. “You hate that you don’t hate me. It’s okay. I still love you too. See ya around kitten.”

Natsu heard the woman’s sigh as the door closed behind him and smiled to himself. He knew she didn’t actually hate him, their relationship was just complicated at the moment, never love the actual problem between them… Though, it had been a dick move to give her a hickey, but that’s what Lucy gets for leading him on like that. She could’ve just stopped the massage immediately if she knew it was him all along, so to let him go through the entire process, it was tit for tat— and hey, at least it’s only temporary.

‘It’s your move next kitten…’

#nalu #nalu au #nalu fan fiction #nalu yakuza au #nalu fan fic #natsu dragneel #lucy hearfilia #ch 7 #we'll take back heaven #petri808 #lemony scented

[shsl-box-worshipper]

Secret Santa here!!

I loved your extra long message. I totally agree with everything you said. Shinichi and Ran have an obviously good friendship underlying their romantic feelings, and that makes their bond strong.

I die every time we get some crumbles of their feelings for each other. The amount of desperation and anxiety I imagine Shinichi's got to deal with while being Conan and lying to Ran day after day, living with her, being in love with her and not being able to act on it, is just heartbreaking. And similarly, Ran and her frustration, loneliness and potencial self esteem issues. It is all so dramatic and I love it.

You made me so curious! Tell me some of your head cannons for them! ❤️❤️

Thank you! It's been a while since I basically info dumped what I like about a certain aspect of canon, and honestly, it's really hard to info dumped about something you can't really explain why you like, and honestly, it's like trying to write an argumentative essay for school or some bullshit like that *shudders at the thought of school*.

Anyway, since you seem interested, here are some of my mental health and other headcanons. Some of these I collectively agree on from the Shinran community and others I made on the spot.

-Shinichi is a really huge introvert(which is a big fat mood for me) and the only reason he becomes such close friends with Ran is because of how much of a people person Ran is. She is an extrovert, no doubt about it, but she has Shinichi's vulnerable side more than most and knows how kind and sweet he is under the surface. Plus the fact that they aided in helping each other's trauma kinda helps with the development

-Ran has abandonment issues and separation anxiety. This comes from another user, but when I really thought about Ran's familial situation, it instantly took a place in my brain. Ran's familial situation is basically a softer version of a divorce, which can still negatively affect the child still caught in the 'To divorce or not to divorce' struggle. Due to the fact that Kogoro was probably swallowed in his own depression, Shinichi became her rock in life, to the point that she even helped him when his parents left him at 13. And the reason Ran gets so clingy about Shinichi leaving is because of the fact that she thinks that Shinichi's going to abandon her after helping her for so many, which of course Ran doesn't want to relive the day Eri left the house, except it's with best-friend/mutual crush. (Note: I personally don't have Ran's familial issues, so take this with a grain of salt).

-Shinichi's probably slightly on the autism spectrum. I mean, come on, dude is a huge ass introvert who doesn't know how to communicate what he wants. Also, he has a hyper fixation for Sherlock Holmes and wants to be a detective because of him. This is one of the headcanons I made about him and that's because some of his actions kinda mimic mine. (I'm slightly on the spectrum. Not enough to get diagnosed or medicated, but enough that it affects my social skills negatively and makes me act clearly not neurotypical).

-Shinichi kind of grew up in a guidance-less household (I know what the word is for this kind of thing but it's french and I can't spell it). His parents basically barely interacted with him over the course of his living and barely gave him any advice. Which ended up making him push his boundaries to see what will and won't cause his parents to freak. I think that can be seen in his arrogance. It can be kinda seen as him trying to solve more cases in order for his parents to acknowledge his existence and to test the boundaries on how far he can get in trouble without them getting involved, which is grounded by Ran, especially after he shrunk. After that, Ran became the actual motherly figure that Shinichi so desperately needed.

And now, for my more funni thoughts:

-Honestly, I have to point out how the Kudos just remind me of like spy families in movies. I mean, even they're apart of the entertainment industry, they don't act like it AT ALL. Zipping around in little jets around the world, doing god knows what while Shinichi's stuck at home, dealing with the emotional impact of that. Honestly, if I could, I would an au about them being secret spies/superheros and Shinichi not even having a clue about that. Because that is how many spy vibes I'm getting from them XD

-I honestly live for their entire class shipping Shinran. It's like one of those workplaces where all the workers know that two people are going to be married someday EXCEPT for those two people and it works out hilariously in practice. Because they both know that it's true, but at the same time, they can't confirm if it is without a confession from the other.

- #1 Shinran Fan Sonoko, #1 Shinran Fan Sonoko, Yass Queen.

-I honestly need some more sides of the Shinran friendship because it helps build-up why their romance works so well. I mean, we got the backstory bullshit, but what about the fun case-less outings, the INSIDE JOKES, and the school drama they had to go through. Honestly, I would die if the next Shinran plotline involved just a case-less outing, but to make it still fun, it becomes like a Magic Kaito adventure story line. Just them, having to deal with the wilderness or maybe even trying to run from a paparazzi Sonoko would be funny as hell.

And that's it for my headcanons and thoughts. I hope you enjoyed that and I'm sorry for wasting y'all's time if you found these not to your liking.

#shinran #dcmk #dcmk secret santa #can't wait for that gift baby #headcanons #happy holidays santa #hope you have a good week #and I'm excited for my gift

[soldrawss]

Ok, this morning I opened Tumblr, found your blog, started checking all your rottmnt tagged posts, found your big brother Mikey AU, CRIED FOR ALMOST AN HOUR as I red every post about it, drooled all over your gorgeous art, smiled like a crazy person reading all your Human AU posts, got up with the sun in my chest and more energy than I know what to do with and have been productive since then. I don’t know what to ask (or if you take asks) but I crave more infos about your big brother Mikey AU❤️

WOAH OK this was such an incredibly sweet ask and I’m SO HAPPY that my BBM au could bring you so much joy and ahhhh!!! Just thank you so much, this ask made my night <3 Here’s one of the many little stories I’ve written for the AU that I’ve sent to my friend @zacharandom (thanks for always reading my little emotional blurbs about these kiddos Zach~) Enjoy!

(I haven’t gotten into it yet (I will, it’s a separate ask I’m working on) But Leatherhead is a BIG part of the BBM au. Zach had asked if any of the kiddos had ever been to LH’s place, since LH always stays over at the Hamato’s, and I said yes, but only Donnie, and then this mini fic was born.)    Donnie and Mikey get into a 'fight'. And I say 'fight' because Donnie doesn't really know what else to call it. Because he doesn't pick fights, not really, not with Mikey. He doesn't go looking for them with Mikey like he does with Leo. Leo, who can take the worst of Donnie’s shitty teenage attitude and come out of it alright, wearing the worst of Donnie’s temper and anger like a bulletproof vest. Donnie can afford to hurt Leo cause Leo won't break because of it. He's safe to hurt. But it's different with Mikey. Mikey, who's so tired he can barely stand straight most days. Who has bags under his eyes like dark stickers, that not even doe-eyed and ever adoring Raph can peel away. And Donnie KNOWS better than to pick a fight with Mikey about it, it was mostly why he was trying to avoid the conversation altogether. Why he had hidden all the school letters and hacked into Mikey's phone to block all the emails and texts and phone calls from the school about it. He didn't expect Mikey to run into one of his teachers after work and basically blow everything Donnies worked so hard to avoid. He didn't want to skip a few grades. He didn't care what his teachers or his GPA said. He didn't CARE if they thought he was ‘wasting his potential’. He wasn't, and they had no right to complain about it to his big brother like they did. Donnie had TOLD Mikey that he didn't want to. Had gone all the extra lengths to take as many of the AP classes the adjacent high school offered, bargained and pleaded and BEGGED them. He’d do whatever it took, but he didn't want to move grades. He didn't want to quit the robotics club. He didn't want to go to school with a bunch of kids older than him and be the butt end of every baby freshmen joke in the book. He didn't want to be separated from Leo. He really, really, really didn't. And he had explained this all to Mikey. And he knew that Mikey KNEW this. But the teachers wouldn't stop hounding him, and Mikey was already so tired anyway, the weight of the world always seemed to be a weighted pressure on his shoulders that looked physical, with the way Mikey’s whole body sagged. Like every move he made was a conscious effort and pain. Donnie knew this, and he still yelled at Mikey about it anyway. And Mikey didn't yell back, cause Mikey never yelled back at them, but his voice was stern and tired and it just begged Donnie to at least consider talking about it. But Donnie’s 13, and the biggest jerk in the world because he doesn't want to talk about it anymore. And Mikey didn't deserve the one sided shouting match that was all Donnie, he didn't deserve the pointed "I can't believe you would take THEIR side, you NEVER listen to me!" And Mikey DEFINITELY didn't deserve the front door slamming in his face, the last words Donnie said hanging in the air behind him. "I HATE IT HERE!" It wasn't raining, but there was a misty cold hanging in the November air as Donnie sat at an empty park bench, somewhere in Flushing, feeling like the biggest loser in the world the second he ran away and oh,,, oh God. He ran AWAY. How could he run away? He didn't want to run away! He didn't want to run away from anything, especially if it was away from Mikey. Mikey, who deserved more than Donnie’s cold shoulder and heated words, but took it anyway, and he didn't even flinch as Donnie practically screamed at him. He just looked tired. More tired than ever. And accepted Donnie’s temper tantrum like he accepted every other bad thing that has ever happened to him. Like he thought he deserved it. And he was sad. Sad in a way that made Donnie want to throw up. Because he was one of the people who were NEVER supposed to hurt Mikey like that. But he did. He did and he ran away like a little kid and he felt so STUPID about it, jumping on the first bus he could and taking it to God knows what neighborhood and now he was sitting alone on some random park bench, the November cold sinking into his skin and thin shirt cause he didn't have the mind to grab a jacket on his way out and GOD what was he doing? He was cold and alone and probably lost and Mikey probably hated him and now- "Donatello?" Came a voice from behind Donnie, and Donnie whirled around on the park bench because he'd recognize that low and gentle voice anywhere and... Yup. There he was. Lieven Heather, or Leatherhead as Mikey always affectionately called him, standing tall and curious like. His long black hair pulled into a low bun, his green eyes leaf-like and bright, piercing through the dark park like fireflies, looking at Donnie like he was searching for an answer before he got the chance to ask the question and WOAH was Donnie not the emotional type, but he could have cried when he saw the familiar face.

Actually, he was already crying before, but crying because you’re happy to see someone and crying because you’re a jerk to your big brother are two completely different types of emotions, and Donnie tried to hide it either way by rubbing at his face with the back of his wrist. LH’s namesake leather jacket is HUGE on Donnie, but the 12 year old takes it without a fight because LH does NOT look like he's willing to negotiate, as he holds a bag of groceries in one hand and holds an umbrella over the both of them in the other, saying that his apartment is just a few blocks away, and it'd be best to get out of the cold. The tall man doesn't press Donnie for details, doesn't ask why his friend's kid brother is out at 8pm on a school night, all the way on the other side of the city, eyes red with something between tempered anger and grief and skin pale with November cold. Donnie is thankful for it. He doesn't feel like explaining himself quite yet. The second hand hurt from before is still raw in his chest, and even though he knows he's the one at fault, he can't really shake off the sinking black hole feeling in his chest. So the 10-minute walk is mostly silent. LH lives in a grey bricked building, on the third floor, and his apartment is exactly what Donnie would expect if he really thought hard about it. It was a simple studio, minimalist and uncluttered, but that seemed more because the place felt untouched rather than because LH was a particularly clean guy. All the electronics on in the kitchen where stainless steel and spotless, Donnie half suspected they were untouched because of the garbage can filled with dollar store Ramen noodle cups and forks in the sink. His grey walls were bare, and he didn't have a TV,  but there was a large bookshelf that covered the expanse of one wall, filled to the brim with thick books that looked like they belonged in the reference section of a library. There was a little queen-sized bed shoved in the corner, neatly made, and looked rarely slept in. The only sign of life in the little apartment that felt much too small for the nearly 7-foot man was the little desk that sat beside the bed, which was covered in astrophysics textbooks, notebooks filled with scribbled notes and a few orange study note cards that had Donnie's older brother written (metaphorically) all over them. Lh motioned to the chair at the desk with a nodded, "you can sit there if you want. I'll make some Valerian tea." "Valerian tea?" "Helps with stress." "I'm not stressed." "Right, of course not. Still tastes good." And Donnie doesn't really like tea, he'd much prefer coffee, or one of the energy drinks Leo sneaks him during school lunches because Mikey doesn’t buy them, but he knows better than to ask for that. He knew about LH’s anxiety disorder and underlying PTSD, from a past that Donnie didn't know any details about except from snippets he'd overhear here and there from the hushed late-night conversations LH and Mikey would have when they thought that Leo and Donnie and Raph were asleep, and he knew that caffeine wasn't something LH indulged in often because of it. The tea tastes fine though. It's hot, and burns his throat a little, but Donnie doesn't care enough to wait for it to cool down to enjoy it. Because it hurts, and Donnie figures he kinda deserves the pain. It's after a few quiet minutes, Donnie sitting at LH’s desk while LH leans against his kitchen counter, that Donnie reaches for a courage he doesn't usually possess and tells LH everything.

About the extra AP classes, and the nosey teachers, and the way it feels a bit too suffocating trying to be everything everyone wants him to be.

And how it all feels too lonely. He barely remembers his mom. He’s starting to forget dad. Mikey works all the time and Raph goes to a completely different school. If he moves up a few grades, then he loses Leo too. And he just can’t deal with that. He can’t deal with everyone, some way or another, leaving him. And how in some, backward, twisted way, it sometimes feels like people are trying to get rid of him. And he just can’t take it anymore. Donnie likes LH. He's smart and collective and cool and he's super nice to Mikey and he’s pretty much everything that Donnie wants to be when he grows up. And he's friends with LH. LH gives him pointers on his science projects and he teaches Leo how to punch a bully like its nothing and he's patient and understanding and helpful with Raph's temper and he's a godsend of a friend the Hamato clan didn't know they could afford after April had came into their lives and Donnie LIKES Lh. But he didn't think they were good enough friends for Donnie to deserve THIS. LH listened to him patiently and quietly. Nodding at the appropriate moments in Donnie’s tearful and half-hysterical rambling about his school and his GPA and how he didn't mean to take it out on Mikey and he didn't mean to run away but GOD he was so sick of everyone looking down on him like a little kid and like HE didn't know what was best for him and didn't have a choice in deciding HIS future. And he expects LH to get mad at him too, cause he was Mikey’s friend first before Donnie’s, and Donnie YELLED at Mikey, and Donnie WASNT going to sob like a child about it, but his head lowers and there's a stupid stinging in his eyes and he sniffs once or twice anyway when he mutters "God, I'm so stupid. Mikey probably hates me right now and is so mad at me." And he can hear LH sigh, and put his own cup of tea down, before walking over to where Donnie sat and crouching before his chair. "That's funny you think that, because when I texted him earlier, he sounded nothing short of scared out of his mind and relieved." "You texted him???" "Well yeah, of course. He called me shortly after you ran out, singing the same tune you are about how you're so mad at him and he didn’t mean to fight with you and that you probably hate him. That’s probably the only reason I even saw you, I wouldn't have known to look out for you if he hadn't told me to keep a lookout for you." And that, woah, Donnie felt a million times worse now because of COURSE, he didn't hate Mikey! Donnie wasn't even MAD at him. He was just being a stupid stubborn teen who took out all his frustrations and insecurities on the last person in the world who deserved it and boy oh boy, this whole thing was so stupid anyway.

“How about he finish our tea, wait for you to get a little bit warmed up first, and then get you back home so that you can tell everything you just told me to your brother. Because I think we both know how much he’d want to hear how you truly felt about this situation.”

And that... that sounded good. Because after his entire mini-rant, it felt like a shadow had been cleared from over Donnie’s heart, and now he wanted nothing more than to go home and hug his big brother for all his worth and apologize about a million and half times. Maybe more. Donnie hadn’t decided yet.

After they had finished their cup of tea, and LH had given Donnie one of his warmer college sweaters to wear before they took the subway back to the Hamato residence, where Mikey stood in front of the building, red-cheeked and shivering from the cold in a giant puff jacket and pajama bottoms, waiting for them.

Donnie didn't even wait, he ran the second he saw the familiar orange jacket that belonged to one of his favorite people on the planet and broke into a breakneck sprint, colliding into his older brother’s chest and waiting arms, and breaking into a choked cough when Mikey’s arms instantly wrapped around him like he always belonged there.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to run away!" Donnie rushed to say because he didn't want a second to go by without Mikey knowing that, but Mikey was already running a gentle hand through his hair and hushing into the crown of his head.

"Shhhh, shhhh it's ok, buddy. I know. I'm just glad you're home." And Mikey still had bags like bruises under his eyes, and looked on the point of breaking if Donnie hugged him too tightly, but he still smiled at Donnie with all the affection and warmth of the world when they pulled away, and Donnie couldn't fight the urge to spit out, "I don't hate it here! And I don't hate you. Ever! I'm sorry I said that. I didn't mean it. I'm sorry Mikey." And Mikey replied with a soft smile and an "I know, kiddo. It’s ok." But there was relief like a balloon losing helium in his eyes and shoulders, like he would have believed differently if Donnie hadn't said anything, and Donnie made the promise there and then that he’d do everything in his power to make sure Mikey never thought that way, even for a second, again. LH hadn't stayed over for the pizza movie night that Mikey offered as a silent ‘thanks for bringing my kid home’, so Mikey and Donnie saw him off at the subway station, and made the few blocks back to their waiting apartment and waiting little brothers with their arms around each other in a side hug. Neither one of them wanting to let each other out of their grasps. And there had been a promise to talk about it later, because Donnie was feeling a little more up for negotiation even though Mikey swore up and down that he’d back whatever Donnie decided to do 110%, but it could wait till another day, when both of their nerves and hearts weren't so tender and raw with emotion. Tonight, they would just sink into the weathered old couch that was softened by a million quilts, and out on a Mothra vs Godzilla movie, and squeeze themselves between an over-excited Raph, who couldn't stay still and just HAD to act out all the Godzilla fight scenes, and a relaxed Leo, who sprawled his legs over Donnie's lap despite Donnie complaining about it, but Donnie didn't make any effort to push him away because Leo kept keeping a wary and watchful eye on his two older brothers, probably knowing more about both sides than either one of them, and keeping his legs over Donnie was half for familiarity and half to keep him from jumping up and running out again and huh, maybe he wasn’t so relaxed after all. Guess Donnie had more than a million and a half apologies to make. Better round it off to a good 2 million, just to be safe. Because Donnie couldn't rightly blame him for keeping a careful eye out, but Donnie had learned his lesson. He wasn't running away again. He wasn't running anywhere if it was away from his brothers. Away from the only family he’s ever had. Because donnie was stubborn and stuck in his ways. And he wasn't going to quit the robotics club, and he wasn't going to skip grades and he wasn't going to leave Leo behind and he wasn't going to be left behind. Donnie wasn’t going to run away. Because Donnie wasnt going anywhere.

(one of the doodles I did for this particular story)

#my fic #big brother mikey au #bbm au #rottmnt human #rottmnt human au #rottmnt #tmnt #tmnt human #i have like 10 stories already written that i've shown zach about this au #and i'm just waiting for the excuse to post them because I don't want to spam you all #unless asked to #but anyway yeah #donnie's the one one who's ever ran away or has seen lh's place #and it's a tiiiiime

[lestatslestits]

Dear Evan Hansen info dump! Dear Evan Hansen info dump! Pls I saw it in London and fucking despised that show

OKAY sorry this took a while I got tied up at work.

For those unfamiliar, here’s a very basic rundown of the plot as I remember it because I refuse to revisit it.

Content warning for. So many things. Suicide, mental illness, lying, gaslighting, and like. Just a weird song about siblings. I dunno.

So basically there’s this kid named Evan Hansen who has social anxiety and probably depression, and he sees a therapist, who has told him to write letters to himself as an assignment. It’s the first day of school after summer break and his arm is in a cast because he broke it climbing a tree. This is our “hero.”

He’s got a crush on a girl named Zoe (Zoey?), who he desperately wants to notice him but he’s awkward and shy and has a song about it. Zoe’s older brother, Connor, is what happens when 45 year old theatre producers google what a depressed teenager looks like. I think he may actually be described in canon as looking like a school shooter? Even if I’m wrong about that, it’s clearly the intended vibe.

So Evan goes to school with his letter, meets Connor there (who he does not know at all, and that is extremely important), and Connor asks to sign his cast. He does it HUGE letters so it’s impossible to miss, but while this interaction goes down he finds Evan’s letter, which talks about how he has put all of his hope into his relationship with Connor’s sister, Zoe. It’s worded weirdly ambiguously because it’s a surprise tool that will help us later. Anyways, Connor freaks out at the idea of Evan writing about his sister, and he takes the letter.

Later Evan gets called into the office to speak to Connor’s parents, because Connor has committed suicide. And on his person is a letter that begins “Dear Evan Hansen.”

So now everyone is convinced he was Connor’s only friend, and that this was Connor’s suicide note. Connor’s family starts asking Evan questions about Connor and instead of explaining the mixup, Evan just ???? Goes with it???????????? He makes up a WHOLE ASS BACKSTORY about his deep friendship with Connor, writes additional Dear Evan Hansen letters, and develops a relationship with Connor’s grieving family.

A person at school (in the musical the character is a girl but in the movie I think the actor is non-binary and I dunno if the character will be or not) sets up a memorial for Connor and asks Evan to speak. He does, someone posts his speech on youtube, and he goes mega viral for talking about the impact Connor had on him. Suddenly a whole campaign starts, around the phrase “You will be found.”

Evan gets super famous, but his mom and his friend uhhh Jared I think is his name have gotten wise and shit is falling apart.

Okay I did have to google a bit for the ending because I blocked it out.

Ultimately Evan confessed what he did to Connor’s family, because the “suicide note” got leaked online and now people blame Connor’s parents. So he comes clean in a way that is like “I’m so sorry, but please consider that I was sad.”

And they’re mad but they don’t pursue it at all or tell anyone about all of his lies because ???? What are consequences???

Evan’s mom finds out that his fall that led to a broken arm was actually a suicide attempt, so she feels guilty and sad for??? Being a single mom and having to work?????

A year later Evan meets up with Zoe who says that actually everything Evan did was okay because it brought her family closer together, and actually thru needed this.

Evan has no consequences, other than feeling kind of guilty, and the show ends with him writing another letter to himself.

So like.

Where do I start? The weird infantilizing bullshit of a sad white boy receiving no consequences for his actions?

The fact that all of the work on “The Connor Project” is done by the show’s one (1) character who is regularly cast as a person of color, who receives no appreciation?

The fact that, oh yeah, it turns out that Connor was emotionally abusing his sister for years, to the point where she has a whole song about how she doesn’t know how to mourn for someone who has caused her so much pain. Evan, aware of this, uses his own ROMANTIC FEELINGS FOR ZOE to come up with a lot of stuff to “prove” that Connor actually cared about her, making her believe that her dead brother who tormented her actually gave a shit, because it helped Evan get a girlfriend. This plot point literally FLABBERGASTS me because I never see anyone talk about it. Also I’m pretty sure the tie-in book tried to retcon this and make it an unreliable narrator thing and in general to make Connor more sympathetic by making him queer???, but it’s never addressed in the musical, so it’s not really possible to consider that canon.

Also Evan sings a song, allegedly from Connor’s perspective, about all the things he (a character who is romantically interested in her) thinks about her....using her dead brother as a mouthpiece???

The fact that Broadway started a whole #youwillbefound movement. That’s right. They started a suicide awareness campaign based off of a COMPLETELY CANONICALLY FAKE CAMPAIGN and people took it seriously, like people who sing The Last Five Years at their weddingsxhhkkgukj

Uhh the fact that the fandom woobifies both Evan and Connor and SHIPS THEM together even though they do not know each other, which is literally the point of the story 🤪🤪🤪

I could go on but damn I’m pissing myself off.

WAIT I forgot to add that @wolfsbaneblooming said she thought the movie trailer was an SNL sketch and she’s RIGHT

Uhh tagging @theclichefortunecookie because I promised an infodump

#long post cw #suicide cw #gaslighting cw #everything cw

[msmarvelwrites]

The Winter Ghost - Part 3

Info: A Devastating car crash causes you to lose your memory and start over. The only thing left in the wreckage was the horrific nightmares which plagued your mind. If you knew what today would entail you would have just stayed in bed. But you didn't and because of that, everything you knew was about to change.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x y/n

Warnings: PTSD, violence, swearing, anxiety. 

W/c: 2k 

A/n: Big thanks again to @cutie1365​ for editing this chaper. Girl is a hero, honestly. And thank you guys for all the love on the previosu chapter. Enjoy! 

   "Welcome back, мой ребенок " His breath drifted across your cheek and startled you awake. The sound of the lights above you buzzing, mixed with the musty smell of wet basement made you nauseous. You tried to move, but your arms were chained down to the table. Frantically you looked around the small room for some way out. That's when you saw him. A ghost of someone you couldn't quite remember. The way his crooked body twisted as he approached you made you squirm. 

   "Do you not remember me? Did I not leave a lasting impression? мое сердце разрывается." He chuckled and clutched his chest dramatically. You opened your mouth to scream, but nothing came out. Instead, you pulled on the chains violently trying and failing to free yourself. 

    "Please, do not hurt yourself. That's his job..." He trailed off looking in the direction you couldn't bend your neck to see. Suddenly there were two large bodies on either side of you, holding your arms tight against the bed. 

      "Where is the blueprint, мой ребенок ?" He questioned. You thrashed against the two zombie-like men but it was no use.

 "Fuck you!" You nearly spat. His only response was a sinister cackle that bounced off the walls of the room. 

"Fine. Have it your way... Tell me, Y/n. If I cut off your arm, do you think 2 more will grow back in its place?" He smiled a wicked grin. The two men next to you looked to him, awaiting his orders. 

   "Сломать это." He shrugged, casting his gaze to the floor. In seconds, the man on your right twisted your arm so it was stretched out, palm down. In one swift movement he brought his elbow down, colliding it against yours, shattering the bone. Your screams mixed with the sound of your bone cracking echoed all around you.

     "Fucking monster! I don't care what you do. You've already taken everything from me! I'm dead already." You all but shrieked. Purple and yellow bruising was already growing around your twisted arm.

   The lanky man took two wide steps toward you, now hovering over your head. A long deep scar ran from the top of his brow, down his nose and along his lip. His eyes bulged and he spoke.

"Not everything... However, that can be arranged. We cannot kill you, you have our blueprint..." He paused for a moment like he was thinking.

 "Это готово?" Is it ready? He asked the man to your left. He only nodded. A sickly grin spread across the ghost’s lips. 

"Perfect. Call me when you're done. We'll put her on ice, so to speak." He walked towards the steel door in the corner.

   "What do we do with her after?" One of the men by your side asked. You were surprised by how high pitched his voice sounded. Their leader grumbled and pinched the bridge of his nose. 

"Put her in a car and push her off a cliff for all I care. I don't need her remembering anything but the blueprint. Not yet anyways." With that, he left. The steel door slamming behind him. There was a horrible drilling noise as an excruciating pain ripped through your brain. Tears welled in your eyes as you passed out.

   Your eyes burst open, squinting as you adjusted to the bright lighting. You looked around panicked, realising this was not the coffee shop. The room was white and clean and bright. You noticed a quiet beeping from the machine beside you, echoing your heart beat. I.V's protruded from your forearms. Your eyes slowly fell to the man sitting in an arm chair across from you. 

     "Hey there, slugger. How'ya feelin'?" He chuckled. You recognised him as Captain Rogers. As you focused, you noticed he had a pink gash on the bridge of his nose and bruising under his eyes. You opened your mouth to speak, but a dry cough came out instead. You cleared your throat, and tried again.

 "I-I'm okay. What happened to your face?" Your voice only came out as a raspy whisper.

   "You." He spoke matter of fact. When you only stared at him he continued. "You can really pack a punch. Are you sure you're just a barista?" He scoffed, eyeing you carefully like at any moment you could attack. As if your body didn't ache at the thought of moving a finger. 

"I'm not sure of anything anymore." You signed, staring at the tiles on the ceiling. You looked back to Captain Rogers. "Where are we?" He smiled and stood crossing the room towards you.

 "You're safe. That's all that matters, Y/n. A friend of mine will come by later with the nurse. He's kind of an expert when it comes to your situation. Hang tight, get some rest. I'll come check on you later." And with that he exited the room. 

  About an hour later you began to feel your muscles relaxing. Slowly, you sat up on the bed, taking in your surroundings. ‘I'm never going to financially recover after staying in this hospital,’ you thought. 

   "Well it's a good thing this isn't a hospital, doll. Not really." You looked up startled by the man leaning against the doorframe of your room. You weren't aware you had said that outloud. He noticed your surprise and chuckled deeply. He had a sort of lopsided grin and long, dark-brown hair that framed his stoic features. The deep red shirt he wore was pulled taut against his broad shoulders. And then you noticed a silver metal arm loosely tucked into the front pocket of his dark jeans. The man quite literally looked like he could tear you in half like a piece of paper, but his eyes gave him away. They were soft and kind and crinkled just slightly at the edges when he smiled. You stared at him, hypnotised for what felt like forever until he cleared his throat, knocking you back into reality. You felt the blood rush to your face and looked away, the floor suddenly becoming very interesting to you.  

     "It can be really overwhelming when you first get here. Trust me, I know." He spoke, asking with a nod if he could enter your room further. You smiled weakly and he took a step through the door. 

"Steve told me what happened. You really knocked him around good." He laughed, his ocean eyes sparkled as he did. 

"I don't remember," Your voice was much softer than his. He must have been referring to Captain Rogers. You didn't peg him as a Steve. Maybe a Brian, or Bruce... Or Grumpy. The nickname made you smile. 

    "Yeah, I know that feeling all too well." His smile faded but his eyes stayed locked to yours. The intensity of his stare made you blush. "It used to happen to me a lot. But, Steve helped me remember myself. He can help you, Y/n." The way he said your 'name' made you shiver. You couldn't tell if you really liked it or not.  

   "Who are you?" You blurted, sounding more direct than you meant it to. He smiled, "Everyone around here calls me Bucky." You looked around as he said that. 

"And where exactly is 'here'?" You fired again. He chuckled softly. 

"Welcome to Wakanda, doll."

      A little while later, after Bucky explained to you several times who the Avengers were, who Steve was and why you were here, one of the nurses entered. The nurse took a few tests, drawing blood from your arm. You winced and instinctually looked to Bucky. His eyes were soft and filled with concern.

   Steve took a seat beside Bucky on the windowsill and smiled half heartedly. "I'm sure you're very confused Y/n. My friends and I are going to do our best to try and help you remember everything Hydra made you forget." He disclosed. 

You looked to Bucky and he nodded reassuringly. "Piece of cake, doll." He offered, kindly. 

You smiled and looked back to Steve. "Okay... Fill me in."

   An hour and about 80 questions later Steve finished explaining and you finished asking. You didn't remember anything he spoke of, but you knew if you were here, there must be some truth to it. It helped that Bucky sat beside you the whole time. Steve explained that your father had worked for S.H.I.E.L.D for many years but when he realized they had been infiltrated by Hydra he left. Same as you. Hydra was behind your family's house fire. They  murdered them, just like they did Tommy. Steve explained what a good man he was. That he worked across the hall from you and would often leave you notes on your desk. You looked to Bucky who was staring at the floor, picking at his nails uncomfortably. 

     "They were working on a new type of brainwashing. One that would wipe a person's memory's completely leaving only fragments of the truth. It was a way to keep S.H.I.E.L.D agents who knew too much quiet." He continued. He looked to Bucky, whose eyes were still fixated on the floor. 

"Is that what they did to you?" You asked him. His head snapped up, empathy in his eyes. 

"Nah, doll. Not exactly." He explained. You waited for him to continue but he never did. 

     "What about my car crash? The doctors said-" Steve cut you off, "Hydra staged the whole thing. After they cleaned your slate they couldn't have you questioning where your memory had gone. It was easier to keep you thinking the crash had caused brain damage and that's why you had pieces missing." He finished. Suddenly the strange nightmares began to make sense. Maybe your memory was beginning to return?

   "Will I ever remember?" You asked, your voice small. You didn't know if you really wanted to. From what Steve had told you, your life sounded pretty fucked up. Maybe Hydra did you a service by wiping your memory. 

   "There is a way," Steve started, looking to Bucky who was gazing out the window now. "One of our friends, Shuri, has come up with a remedy. She helped Buck regain his memories, too. We can start the process today. We have to take it slow, though. A lot happened to you, Y/n. It may be really painful to re-live. But, you have the blueprints to a weapon that could quite literally end the game, so-"  

  "Ultimately, it's your decision Y/n. We're here to keep you safe. Not just from Hydra. I won't let anything bad happen to you." Bucky interjected suddenly, cutting Steve off before he could finish. His words were soft and kind. Steve looked to his friend and back to you, knowingly. 

"Thank you Bucky. But, these assholes took everything from me. I can't stand by when I know how to end this." He nodded in understanding. Part of him looked almost disappointed. But you quickly brushed it off. 

  "Then it's settled. I'll ask Shuri to start prepping. We'll get you a better room to keep you comfortable. Oh, and Y/n" he paused, getting up and heading to the door. 

You looked up and he smirked, "Welcome to Wakanda -" 

"I already said that." Bucky mumbled over Steve. The blonde gaped at him, taken aback by his sarcastic tone. 

"Fine whatever, I thought we agreed that it was my thing but okay."

.................................

A/N: ahhhh chapter three!! Im having so much fun with this you guys! thank you so much for reading. As always, any and all feeback in welcomed! Hope you have a great day! 

#bucky x reader #bucky barns imagine #bucky x y/n #marvel fanfiction #steve x reader #steve rodgers imagine #bucky barnes #bucky x steve

[akito-sohma]

Hey yall, guess who’s back after two years. Alot has happened in that time but the short of it is im dying to rp akki again. I have alot of complicated feelings about coming back and alot of drama revolving around why i left, if you are interested in that feel free to read under the cut. Otherwise it’s great to see all of you who are still active and I hope you still want to interact! 

Well if you’re reading this ig that means you want the drama! lol. Just to be clear im posting this drama speal for explanation not to spread drama, I wont be naming names for a reason! If you know someone im talking about please keep it to yourself and dont go around spreading info behind theirs's or my back :) I just personally like understanding what's happening in a community, so id apricate a post like this if I was in my mutuals shoes. ANYWAYS! lol

Around the end of 2017 I was going through alot of personal issues which dragged on for the next two years. In short I was removed from my mother’s care due to abuse and placed with my cousins family. This is the same cousin who had been sexually abusing me since I was six. It took my two years to run away from them. During this time I tried to stay active here. Writing akito was such an escape and the same family Id found online was honestly what kept me from un-living myself during those years. 

Of course it wasnt perfect, there was alot of drama going on behind my back with another akito rper and my personal life trauma bled into my interactions here as well, which i think caused awkward threads from time to time. My cousin also was trying their hand out at rp, and made a couple appearances here- another source of tension. 

I struggled feeling truly accepted here. It might have been just me, or it might have been the unspoken drama going on behind my back. At the time I was 17 and brand new to rp, unlike most of the other writers. I often felt like everyone was better friends than they were with me, and that it wasnt safe to be myself if i wanted my mutuals to like me. Everything felt both welcoming and fake, if that makes sense. There was only about 4 mutuals I knew who I  thought liked me as me. 

Another thing I was going through was an eating disorder and it was getting pretty extreme. One of my closest friends from tumblr ended up leaving me due to this. I still dont know why. It seemed like when I needed them most, my friends left me one by one. I think this was the finial straw in becoming deactivated. I just didnt feel like I belonged here so I left for a year. In that time my personal life did smooth out and I ended up getting into a much safer and healthier place both physically and mentally. 

So I came back and tried rping again! At first it was pretty nice, but after only a month or so I learned about some pretty toxic drama that had been being spread about me behind back since the beginning. What hurt the most wasnt that someone was starting drama about me just bc i rped the same character as them but rather that my mutuals / this persona had never just come to me to work out the issue in private. 

All my fear and anxiety and feelings of not fitting in came back from before and I ended up deactivating permanently for another year. 

Now here I am. 

Ive tried to talk to my mutuals from before and smooth out / get clarification on some of these issues but have only been ghosted in response. Tbh I still have alot of negative feels and fear around coming back. But I love akito, i love fruits basket and I love writing with people. I dont want drama from others to stop me. I want to be healthily and strong and happy. Ive blocked everyone involved in the previous drama and am ready to move forward. 

I have an amazing boyfriend now and hope to make some amazing friends and mutuals. 

#⭐: a persons heart: ooc #I have alot to do before im ACTIVE ACTIVE but #Ill get hajime up again too lol

[curioussubjects]

So I did a season 15 rewatch and wanted to do a thought experiment

I know I often mention that the meta the corner of fandom I’m in has multiple points of entry, but I don’t think I ever just dumped plain text as a thought experiment before. Obviously, the parts of the text I decided to dump here are picked through a specific meta lens as well as being only a facet of the SPN text itself, since I only have the words and none of the complex visual language the show employs from set dressing to editing to acting -- and that’s a ton of info I’m omitting, I know, but generally speaking all text gets reduced to the writing even in the mytharc of the show itself, so it feels appropriate to use words on a page to do this. That said, this is just a start, and any analysis of SPN needs to take into account the full scope of the text beyond the words (with the one exception of a soundtrack pick in 15.10 because it’s too good to pass up).

Anyway, I started writing this as a simple “here look at this selection of very cursed quotations let’s cry” sort of self-indulgent thing, but then I thought, well, what if we could all take a pause from fandom stuff and finale anxiety in order to sit a little with one of the textual building block? What if we could even put a pin, for just a second, to the greater nuances and more involved abstraction about the text and think in bare bone terms? 

Of course, I have a reading here, but through the quotations I picked notice the repetition of themes, of words themselves. What is there? What is it telling us? Regardless of our personal wants and wishlists, whatever our feelings about what is and what should or shouldn’t be. And if we pluck these words and put them back in their context, what is the story trying to tell us? On its face, without any editorializing about what we think could happen maybe because we’ve all been burned by tv shows before. Or even do we really think the text seems so clumsy and lost and incompetent as some seem to think it is? 

Again, this collection is just on facet of the text. Think of it as a spring board, rock number 1. 

15.01

We were just rats in a maze. Sure, we could go left. Sure, we could go right. But we were still in the damn maze. Just makes you think, if all of it... you know, everything that we've done... What did it even mean?

It meant a lot. We still saved people.

When we win this, God's gone. Hm. There's no one to screw with us. There's no more maze. It's just us. And we're free.

We got work to do.

15.02

Chuck is all-knowing. He knew the truth, he... he just kept it to himself.

Even if we didn't know that all of the challenges that we face were born of Chuck's machinations, how would we describe it all? We'd call it "life". Because that's precisely what life is. It's an obstacle course, and maybe Chuck designed the obstacles, but we ran our own race. We made our own moves.

I'll tell you what we do know. Nothing about our lives is real. Everything that we've lost, everything that we are is because of Chuck.

You asked, "What about all of this is real?" We are.

I'm done, Chuck. I've changed. I've adapted. I've... I've become the better me. And you? You are still the same... petulant, narcissistic. So... I'm leaving you here.

15.03

No, we’re gonna end this, Sam. Like you said. We’re gonna be free.

And I'm here, and you're here, and everything we need to end this right is in our hands.

But will you let the world die, let your brother die, just so I can live?

I've tried to talk to you, over and over, and you just don't want to hear it.  

Jack's dead. Chuck's gone. You and Sam have each other. I think it's time for me to move on.

15.04

Wow. So you’re still, um… [...]  Uh, obsessed with my work.

You mean my work.

So instead of reading your stories, I kept writing my own. [...]  Where the guys didn’t have to hunt monsters all the time. They just sit around and do laundry and talk, you know? I mean, that’s what people like the most, anyway.

… this is just an ending.

I can do anything. I’m a writer.

We are finally free to… move on, you know?

I don’t know. Uh… I-I don’t know if I can move on. You know, I-I-I… I can’t forget about any of them. Dean, I still think about Jessica. I… I can’t just let that go.

15.06

Yeah. If I stay, nothing changes. It's time for me to get back in the game.

15.07

What would I do without you? Hmm? What would I do without my best friend?!

Angela was raptured, and I was left behind.

but... but best friends don't just up and leave without saying goodbye.

Listen to yourself. "We're owed." "We deserve." Come on, man. You're not God. Hell, God's not even God.

Then you fix it. You don't walk away. You fight for it.

15.08

No one hands you anything, darlin'. I took it.

Then one day, you die, you go to hell, they make you queen, and you can't make it right. So fix it!

Doing what we do, we've had to get used to losing people. Probably too used to it. With Adam, we said goodbye because we thought we had to. We were wrong.

Since when do we get what we deserve?

15.09

You just refused to hear it.

Maybe if you didn't just up and leave us.

I left, but you didn't stop me.

No, the Dean I know... the Dean who raised me -- he'd never give up, no matter how bad things got.

Well, he does. He will. This is the truth, Sam. This is what comes next. 

I hope you can hear me... that wherever you are, it's not too late. I should've stopped you. You're my best friend, but I just let you go.

Okay, Cas, I need to say something.

You don't have to say it. I heard your prayer.

When we beat you, I will make it better!

But there's still so much about the fabric of the universe that you don't know... that you can't know. 'Cause you're only humans. But I'm God.

I wish you'd stay.

I wish I could. After what happened, I don't know what's real anymore.

I know that was real.

If we can't kill him or trap him...

... Well, then we find another way.

15.10

You know, go out young and pretty. But now I've got a great wife, great kids. I guess...sometimes things work out.

Yeah, sometimes. Good, man. You deserve it.

~Let's be outrageous  /  Let's misbehave~  

You know, I always thought I could be a good dancer if I wanted to be.

15.11

Beach read? Lady, I’m Tolstoy.

God created the world, but you know who created us gods? You did. You humans. Sort of.

How dare you not recognize his beneficence?

Our bad. Not his

I learned from my brother.

What is with you and these losers? They’re nothing! They don’t matter.

They matter to us.

Heroes. Like the old days. And, uh, she gave me a message. She said, “Don’t play his game. Make him play yours.”

Every day I wanted to come home, but… I couldn’t.

Billie kept him hidden in the Empty until Chuck went off world.

15.12

In the beginning, it was just me and sis. And it was fine. But I wasn’t satisfied. So I made more. I created the world.

So, I… I kept creating. I made… other worlds.

Those other toys, they don’t… they don’t… spark joy. But Sam and Dean… the real Sam and Dean… they do. They challenge me… they disappoint me… they surprise me. 

They’re… the ones.

You know, Kelly just had faith that Jack would be good for the world, and I felt it, too. I knew it. And then, when everything went wrong, and God took him from us… I was lost in a way I’ve never been before. Because I knew the story wasn’t over. I knew Jack wasn’t done. And I was right.

What sounds good to me is Jack fulfilling his destiny.

I thought I could leave her behind, but… she haunts me.

Her world looked peaceful. This place is… cold. I don’t understand it. I don’t know how to move through it. So, I just find empty spaces, and I hide. This world doesn’t want me. And I’m done with it.

We can fix this. You can help us. Please? Please.

Feels good. Disobeying cosmic entities, doing the, uh… dumb, right thing? Feels like we’re back.

I don’t belong in your world. You do. Go.

When I was a reaper, I believed in the rules. But then you killed me. And when I became Death, I inherited Death’s knowledge… and Death’s library. And in Death’s library, everyone has a book. Even God.

After God made the world, he couldn’t stop. He wanted more. But he needed to create a perfect harmony… a Swiss watch, so this world could keep tick, tick, ticking in his absence. He had no choice but to build himself into the framework. It’s his only weakness.

You and your brother have work to do. This is your destiny. You are the messengers of God’s destruction. 

15.13

Then there's no God, there's no Darkness. Nothing out of balance. World saved.

Okay, yeah, but then who takes over? Uh, Jack?

Probably not.

I used to feel things. In my bones. It was glorious, and sometimes unbearable. But I felt them. Now, I understand joy or sadness, but... I know those things aren't in me.

So it's possible he could work through this. One day, he may explode and let it all out and breathe deeply and move on.

A place... a thing... Whatever you want to call it, it's powerful.

Why do they call this place the Empty? This place is full. It's full of sorrow and despair playing over and over again, of angels and demons dreaming about their regrets. Forever.

Funny thing about her plan, though... she didn't say anything about needing you.

Maybe it's a key. It's a passage in Enochian. It says, um, loosely translated, "In order to be in the Occultum, the Occultum must be in you."

This is the Garden. Man's beginning.

His prize creations, until he banished them and all of mankind from the perfection of the Garden. And he hid it away.

Who are you, really? Who are you meant to be?

That's the crossroads of divinity and humanity.

Please. Just please forgive me.

#supernatural #spn #spn meta #spn meta fodder #destiel #spn spec #ish

[hoodoo12]

Ménage (2/13ish)

SWF, backstory, personal hurts, connection

He listened to Molly move through her kitchen, hoping to hear her talk to herself for some more info on her. That wasn't eavesdropping, not really, he told himself; she knew he was there. But she was quiet, and quickly returned with another glass, sinking down beside him again.

He accepted the refill of this not-pink-at-all-drink, raised it properly in a toast, and liked very much that she took his hand as she settled in this time.

"So, you sound like you have a lot of experience with celestials. Is it just angels? What are they like?"

"Celestials?" he asked. "You really wanna hear about them? Pompous, jealous, dickwads? It's not just angels, either . . . anything that didn't turn away from the Light calls itself a celestial, and they're all busy jerking off to their own superiority. Sometimes they like to try and herd lesser beings back to what they think is the Way. Gets 'em brownie points or some horseshit."

He took a swig.

"Is that what you were hoping to call here?" he asked, barely keeping the distain out of his voice. "They're like Jehovah's Witnesses or fucking ringworm -- you can't get rid of them once they're here."

He extracted his hand from hers and drew his blackened fingernails through her palm and to her wrist.

"I think you'll find getting me was a much better choice, baby."

Rapt, she listened, her thumb idly brushing the side of his hand; his disdain was easy to perceive, but she was fascinated nonetheless. How many humans got an opportunity like this, to hear about the afterlife, to know even tiny details about the ever-looming What Comes Next?

"You know, I don't doubt you. I'm not exactly the religious type anyway."

The scrape of his blunt, dark nails across her palm to the delicate inner face of her wrist made her heart stutter in her chest, and goosebumps immediately raised on her arm all the way up to her shoulder. Oh. That had felt far too good.

She could feel the heat rising to her cheeks again, wondering how many times this ghost had made her blush in the half hour or so he'd been in her home. Oh well. In for a penny, in for a pound. She flipped her hand over, lying it palm up on her knee, and took a long sip of her drink, draining half in one swallow.

"Do that again?"

He raised an eyebrow at her, half a smile lifting the corner of his mouth.

"This, baby?" he asked to confirm, even as he repeated the motion, first and second fingers circling in her palm, following the creases there like he was divining before dragging them to her wrist and the soft skin of her inner arm. He pulled his fingers backwards to her hand and did it again.

Without permission but with the same smirk on his face, his fingers skipped from her arm to her thigh. They were even lighter there, dragging slowly upward, even as he watched for her reaction.

If his smile wasn't enough to make her heart begin to race, the slow, deliberate drag of his fingertips across her palm certainly did the trick. There were calluses on her fingers from working in her gardens, but her palms remained soft, sensitive, and she couldn't help pinching her lower lip between her teeth to hold back a sigh. Who knew such a simple touch could have such a physical effect on her?

When his fingers migrated to her thigh, bare beneath a thin pair of cotton pajama shorts, she couldn't keep a soft moan back, shivering at the more intimate touch, sliding slowly inward. This . . . oh, it was nice but she couldn't . . . he needed to know what he would be signing up for.

"Hey," she whispered, placing her hand over his to still his progress. "This . . . look, I like you touching me. I like it a lot. But if you . . . if you want more . . . there's a few things you should know about me first."

She sighed, feeling embarrassment and anxiety creeping icy tendrils around her ribcage. "I don't . . .  I . . . um, I haven’t done this. I haven't even been kissed. This is all fresh territory for me, and there's a really big reason why."

At the hesitation in her voice and her physically stopping his hand, he cocked his head. She had let the softest moan ever escape. There was the faintest tremble to the fingers atop his. Her breath had come more quickly, and that same pretty blush had darkened her cheeks again.

He didn't want to care about her reason; she was responsive and just the fact she'd called him was arousing. He sported a bit of a tent pole behind his fly, but he wasn't all demon. He knew pain. He'd caused pain gladly, sometimes. But Molly, this woman who may had inadvertently summoned him hadn't immediately banished him, so he wasn't going to do that to her.

So he stopped.

"Everyone starts somewhere, baby," he told her, hoping it sounded more philosophical and less smarmy, and then he waited.

She was grateful that he stopped, that he didnt press his hand forward, only cocked his head in response. He even spoke gently, assuring her that everyone started somewhere, and she was grateful for that too.

"I know. If it was just the virginity thing, your hand would already be in my shorts. I wouldn’t have stopped you just for that." She took a deep breath, let it out, realizing just how long it had been since she had spoken to another person about this.

"I . . . I lost my whole family when I was fifteen. All of them. My older sister was graduating high school and my parents threw a huge party for her. Everyone came, aunts, grandparents, cousins. Everyone. I was being a shitty teenager and didn't figure they'd miss me, so I took a walk, just wanting to be away from so many people asking if I was gonna graduate valedictorian like my sister. And . . . well, I grew up in a small town in the rural midwest, which means half the town made cooking meth their day job. Our neighbors happened to be cooking that day and it...went wrong. The explosion took out half the block, including the house behind it. My house." She paused. She could get through this. "No one got out but me.

"After that, it was foster homes until I could legally be on my own. I had a small fortune in inheritance, since I was the only living relative of anyone with a will. I got a shitty apartment and stewed in a delicious mix of PTSD and survivor's guilt until I turned twenty and started putting my life back together. Got my GED and a BA in journalism. Even got a girlfriend."

A short smile curled on her mouth, but it was joyless.

"Met on an online literary forum. She lived two states away, so we were long distance for a year. She was gonna drive down to spend Christmas with me, and her car . . . hit some black ice. She was killed on impact. She was still in the closet back at home, so I only found out because her best friend found my Facebook. I couldn't even go to her funeral."

"After that, I . . .I just couldn't do it. Everyone I ever loved had died, and not peacefully. I couldn't let myself be around people. I felt cursed. I still feel cursed. I bought this house and I . . . I don't leave it. That's why you're the first person I've spoken to face to face in nearly two years." Her head hung, ashamed at her own weakness, thoughts dark with the horrible memories she has dredged up from the murk.

"Still think I'm worth the trouble?"

Oh, he had some stories about his past that would rival hers, but this wasn't the time or place for one-upmanship. He could bitterly tell her that shitty things happen to everyone, and that's life: just a series of falling down to claw yourself back up again, over and over. You did it or you didn’t, and no one’s path was the right one for anybody else.

But the deep pain he’d experienced that should’ve made him calloused and sour wasn’t quite there. Hers was different, nothing like his, and that didn’t make the deep-seated anger flare.

“So you thought calling up a spirit would give you some companionship,” he said. It was a statement, not a question. His voice dropped. “And you got me instead.”

Slowly, his fingers curled in on themselves, towards his own palm, until he was no longer touching her. Gently he extracted his hand out from under hers.

He tried to chuckle, but it came out a little strained. “Second best again.”

His smile didn’t reach his eyes, and his gaze flicked downward, away from her for a moment, until he collected himself. When he did, straightening and leaving his hand on his own knee, he was able to look at her again.

“Tell me again what you wanted from the spirit you were trying to call up. I’m no good at conversation, I cheat at cards and Monopoly, I’ve eaten my fair share of puzzle pieces. TV is okay, so long as it’s reruns of the Jerry Springer Show. I’m not really suited for the quiet life that it seems like you’ve got going here--I’m more an inappropriately physical specter, if you hadn’t noticed.

“I’ve liked being here, baby, and the drinks were nice, but you might be better sending me on my way and trying your ritual again.”

For a moment, though his eyes were downcast and his posture already shrinking back from her, Molly could see something in his eyes. Something fractured and irreparable. Raw and pained on a level she couldn't possibly begin to fathom. Then the veil dropped, the veneer smoothly tugged back into place, his voice carefully measured and cold.

"What?" It was her turn to cock her head, brow furrowing. "I don't understand, second best to who? I called a spirit and you answered. Haven't I said more than once that I'm happy you're here?"

Reining herself in before her voice got too shrill, Molly took a deep breath.

"Just like I wasn't sure what kind of spirit would answer, I wasn't sure what I'd want if they did. Different spirits have different rules." She bit harshly at her lip, tugging threads of skin loose until the spot began to bleed. "I hoped maybe we could figure it out together, but I guess I just ruined that. I want you to stay, Beej, but I won't make you. Everyone else left, so I shouldn't have assumed you wouldn't leave, too."

She shrank back against the arm of the couch, tugging her knees up protectively to her chest.

People tended to dismiss him, so that wasn't totally unexpected; it was a familiar ache. But people didn't tend to be upset that he offered to go, didn't tend to try and tuck the blame back in on themselves, and didn't tend to tell him repeatedly they wanted him to stay.

In the silence that stretched between them, he considered what she'd said. Seeing her worry her lip till the red on it wasn't lipstick, he dug around in a pocket till he found a scrap of cloth that may have been a handkerchief at one time.

"Here," he told her, shaking it out. He looked it over, reading the monogram, before offering it to her. "I can't imagine old HPL is going to mind you using this. Why the hell anyone would be buried with a snotrag is beyond me."

He left it on the cushion between them, and sighed.

"Molly, I'm sorry I'm not what you expected when you wanted someone here. But . . ." He paused and made sure she was looking at him before continuing. "None of those people in your life left you. Not voluntarily, and that's a big difference than someone choosing to go."

Now the hard part, because it was dangerous being honest; in his experience, people used it against him. "You've said you'd like me to stay. I'd like to stay too, baby. A little company and comfort? Who in their right mind would turn that down?"

His own gaze had flicked to one side, a little, but he forced it back up to hers.

Out of her peripherals, she could see him moving, and assumed he was getting off the couch to leave. So when he produced an off white square of fabric and placed it in the neutral space between them, her brow knitted in confusion. Molly reached for it; there was probably more bacteria on this handkerchief than in a public restroom, but the gesture was kind, and she held it to her bleeding lip anyway.

Hope leapt in her chest like a flame when he admitted that he'd like to stay. Unfurling from her position on the couch,  she sat closer to him, and hardly believing her daring, she lifted her hand to cup her palm against his cheek, touch light in case she needed to pull away quickly.

"I was expecting at most some kind of poltergeist, something I could feel but couldn't see. Something to make the place feel less empty. But you came through, and I can talk to you and touch you . . . honey, don't apologize because you weren't what I was expecting. This is better."

Her thumb swept over the ridge of his cheekbone, secretly hoping no moss had rubbed off on her hand. "I would . . . I would really like you to stay. You're fascinating, and fun to talk to, and cute . . ." She bit her lips out of habit, wincing as her teeth raked the tender spot. "Please."

Her feather light touch made his eyelids flutter closed. It was something he could never get enough of, something he'd never tire of. He had to actively prevent himself from pushing into her like a damn cat.

When she relayed what she'd been hoping for and at her quiet admission that she'd like him to stay, he opened his eyes again and caught her gaze. He also couldn't help drop his eyes to her grabbing her lip between her teeth again. A smile grew on his face, and he hoped it distracted enough from what was growing in his pants.

Beetlejuice twisted his head under her hand a little, planting a kiss into her palm.

"I'd like to stay too, baby," he murmured against her skin, before he lifted his amber eyes to hers again. "You expected a poltergeist, but I can go bump in the night too, you know.

"If you're interested . . ."

There was something about the way his eyes fluttered shut, lashes brushing his cheeks as her palm brushed his cheek, that made her insides tremble; odd how such a minuscule gesture could affect her entire body, could make her breath catch. And oh, when his eyes opened again, intense and pinned to her, missing not a single move she made, and he smiled. Molly wondered if she was supposed to feel this way, if it was the isolation talking or if it was normal to have your heart try to hammer through your ribcage.

His lips were cool, colder than the rest of his skin from the chilled liquor, but they left a spot of warmth behind, ticking her palm as he spoke softly against it. Her stomach did a somersault, then another when he caught her gaze again, that playful flicker alight in his eyes. How could she possibly say no?

"I am interested," she breathed, her hand pressing just a bit more firmly to his cheek, leaning closer. Her drink was set aside, her other hand mirroring its twin, cradling his face between them. Her hands ached with the need to bestow gentleness on him; he seemed to be in desperate need of it. "You . . . you can touch me again . . . if you want."

He didn't need any further invitation. The hand he'd teased her with before went back to her thigh, using light pressure to draw a line up it. He made it to the hem of her shorts, then eased his fingers under it before stopping.

He shifted his head in her palm, and put his teeth on the fleshy mound below her thumb even more lightly than his lips had been.

When she moved closer in, he finally moved out of her hand again.

"Never been kissed, you said?" he confirmed, his voice a tad lower than before. "That's a crime. You bit your lip, and I don't wanna hurt you, baby, but I do want a taste . . ."

He left that hanging in the air as he tilted his head and his mouth covered hers.

The skin beneath his fingers seemed to tremble at their passage, a soft rush of breath leaving her as those gentle fingertips slipped under the hem of her shorts, caressing her inner thigh but venturing no further. A hot flush crept down her neck at the sight of his teeth, the soft scrape of the sharp edges making her lips part. Such subtle touches, but God, the effect they had on her.

Like a peal of passing thunder, the last parting rumbles at the end of a clearing storm, his question was asked, and Molly shook her head to confirm that no, she had never been kissed, head tilted back slightly to bare a throat that bobbed in a heavy swallow. Her hands slid to his shoulders, digging slightly into the material of his suit to ground herself as he crooned to her, leaning closer, closer . . .

 tbc

#writing #fanfiction #Beetlejuice #Beetlejuice x OC #rp #Beetlejuice based on blumjuice

[yggdrasil-mith0s]

I'm thankful for this community and you all.

Here's some info on me and the last few years along with this community and how it's been a part of me the whole time.

Happy Thanksgiving: recently I've been a little more open about my personal life on the blog. Usually I use the Discord but U do like to share on here about it as well. I feel like this fandom deserves to know the person behind this blog and what I am going through because I dont want to be just some fandom blog. I want to be a blog that creates a community of friends. A safe community for every gender or non gender specific people. A place for people with a similar interest and something to talk about to help get past our anxieties and even fears in some cases. Someone once joined our Discord and after a few weeks they were saying " I saw the link for a week when you first made it. I was scared to join. I don't like social interactions and Discord seems confined and for that soecifically so I thought I would lurk. Everyone was so kind I opened up and told yall some things I've never really told anybody. It's one of the best choices I've ever made (them joining the discord server) and everyone is so loving and accepting."

This honestly made me so happy. If I can pick out things and passions that's make me happiest and truly brings a smile to my face... it's stuff like that. It's this fandom and more specifically, this community, that keeps me going and happy. Everyone is so kind, loving, and accepting. I'm so happy it has come to what it is now and wouldn't change a thing. This person got over their fear of socially interacting within the fandom and then shared something they feared being judged for and never really shared with anyone besides 2 or 3 people. No one brings it up. It's a trusted piece of information and we will keep it at that. We are still growing, too, and I will post the link here soon. I'm so happy I created this blog, kept it going, and fell in love with the series, fandom, and this community. It's funny because I was talking to a cosplayer who did some tales stuff and asked for permission to post their work on this blog. When I shared my blog they said "Oh I know that blog. I dont use Tumblr anymore but I think I followed that blog" and It made me squee with joy. This amazing cosplayer followed this blog and it just baffles me cause she is so talented. That makes me wonder how many of you are out there but being modest, not realizing how happy it makes me that you're here. By the way, I see you artist out there with so much talent and acting like you arent that good. Yes you are. I cant even draw straight lines or a cheeto but you can draw Tales characters and I actually know who they are. That is talent whether you realize it or not. Some of you are extraordinary artist by the way. Truly, and I keep thinking how your work will eventually blow up, at the very least in the fandom, and how talented you are, and you follow me. Thank you for being here. I love you all so so much. You're all amazing.

I have been going through a lot and not as active as I have been but I am working on getting back in full circle. I entrusted the server to a few great friends, I am back in it with full mod access but I don't do anything except watch for anything that may be said in the wrong way or something but that literally never happens so I dont do anything lol. Those friends have done great with the server and created more channels and even community nights. I saw Roleplaying of Tales characters recently, too, which makes me happy it's still very active and people feel comfortable there and it's thriving.

Anyways, I havent been doing well. I have and I havent. In the past few years I've been bouncing between houses, getting away from my abusive mom, losing jobs, then going homeless. Having suicide attempts, one point getting real bad and ending up in the hospital to a "psych ward." It was really a detox and center for suicidal people on hold before going home. I went for suicide because I havent relapsed, thank goodness, but I did attempt suicide. I've drank and gotten stupid drunk but no drugs for me in 3 years+ now. Anyways... after that I got sent/told about this halfway house in Downtown Augusta GA. I went with no other options. I was homeless at this point from being in the hospital for 15 days (including psych ward) and no job. I slowly worked my way up from having nothing to... well frankly still having nothing lol. Btw my oldest brother passed before the suicide attempt. He was physically abusive at times and at other times loving. I should take the time to mention my dad passed away when I was 10 as well. So it was my mom, two older brothers, and a little sister. I raised my little sister cause my mom became alcoholic. She was somewhat loving but once I hit my teens she became mentally abusing saying super harsh things and ignoring my depression and anxiety like they weren't real. She said some of the nastiest stuff. We got into fights. The fandom helped me escape and leave her home. Anyways. I still dont have anything to my name except a house and a crappy job... but this community is still thriving and helping me during cut hours of covid and has just been supportive and amazing. My mom passed away a few months ago. So it's just my one brother and little sister now and today I spent it with my little sister. We talked about things I wanted to talk about for so long. Mom was always nice to her and spoiled her and used me and verbally abused. She literally abused both one else. I have a theory and it's because the older I got the more I reminded her of my dad who abused her. Except I reminded her of his kindness that she fell in love with (which to her was lies and manipulation). So she took out everything on me. Anyways.

So my sister and I talked and let a lot out and a lot go. I might actually have a relationship with a family member that I havent had in 11 years. It was with her but we are reconnecting it seems. There's still a lot to go through.... and she's struggling and got her own stuff going on so she cant help me and I cant help her other than by building a relationship. I dont think it would've happened if it wasnt for you all.

I truly believe it's this community that has kept me alive and well these past few years. Thank you so much. This isn't some obligatory thank you. Or a forced "I love you." This is an appreciation for you all. This is heartfelt and as serious as I can be when I say thank you and I love you. You have been my family for years now. It was small. It stayed small for a while but at some point it grew and grew fast. We have over 100 people on our discord and over 1.5I followers in this community among the Tales of fandom and continue to grow slowly. Not everyone is active and some only come in here and there and that's okay. They are still family and they are included in this as much as those that help run the discord now. You all matter so much to me. You're my family and a part of my journey. Thank you all so much and again, I love you. Take this post how you want but do me a favor... use it to remind yourself that you matter. You matter to me. I love you and I mean it. You are a part of a family. A community that accepts all, never judges, helps each other, and only loves. You are a part of that as much as anyone else. And you matter.