#anyways yea i love all these characters and the world they live in

[quartercapsule]

One

#i didnt really want to repost this art but i was so mad at myself for not posting all these all together #i added moldy to this collection of art #anyways yea i love all these characters and the world they live in #A2919jdjknaleocnoi!!!!!! AAAA! I wish i could say how much this story means to me but iam bad at words =[ #hopefully my art can communicate this #hfjone #hfj liam #hfjone airy #hfjone amelia #hfjone charlotte

[catholic-character-tournament]

Round 1 - Side B

firestar art by @kudos-si-do

Propaganda below ⬇️

Kirei

He fucked up so many people's lives so badly in just one decade (not on purpose) that the universe put him in the summoning pool of all world influencing souls. He doesnt really have any special powers but he does serve as a vessel for rasputin at one point. He's the guy who says "people die when they are killed"

please please please there's literally a type moon character in the gif on the top of this form so it's typemoonphobic if none of them get in but it shouldn't be her it should be kirei bc he's 50x funnier & more iconic than jeanne. funny lil murder priest who's fucking THE gilgamesh (from the epic of) in the church basement and dies in a knife fight w a 17 year old whose dad he wanted to fuck back in '94 before realizing that he was actually kinda lame and he's been bitter abt it ever since. he has an orphan torture factory in his basement but he's also canonically good at being a priest. he's so funny you should def try his mapo tofu i swear it's totally safe for human consumption and not made with any california reapers. did i mention he's a deadbeat dad.

Priest claims to be Pro Life to make Sakura Matou the most miserable girl on the planet, but he dies anyway.

bro became a catholic because he loves suffering

He’s a priest. Kind of. Not a very good priest obviously. There is something seriously wrong and fucked up with that man. It’s so entertaining.

he's gotta be one of the most insane catholic men ever with a very in-depth and interesting relationship with his religion and his relationship with god also he's the sexiest man ever to be conceptualized in the known universe and all of time

Will never forget the 40+ minute monologue in heavens feel being a thinly veiled metaphor for abortion

he wants to torment churchgoers and make them face their failures and suffering but all he ends up doing is motivate them to improve themselves. cringefail moment for him

he's absolutely insane. the coldhearted mercenary that barely reacts to anything is terrified of kirei. he's super fucked up. his ult in stay night is literally him channeling divine power into something called kyrie eleison. he's the vessel of rasputin (on account of being a priest with a huge....no i shant say) the biblical beast in grand order among other things. he gets drunk with and tops gilgamesh from the epic of gilgamesh in the church basement after gilgamesh from the epic of gilgamesh bats his eyes a little too hard at kirei in some of the horniest shot scenes ive ever seen. he also used to be a heretical "fixer" for the church, cleaning up scenes that would expose shit to the public. uhh what else. he holds cool swords between his fingers like a kid pretending to be wolverine but in my favorite route he just squares the hell up with the protagonist and they fight to the death outside planned parenthood

Firestar

Kitty jesus, he believes in starclan which is the kitty version of heaven/god and yea. All the warrior cats characters except those outside the clans or those that are atheist believe in the kitty heaven and would irl be bri-ish and christian as hell so. The authors are all older british christian women and so the way starclan is written is like undoubtedly that.

The main religion in the series is extremely catholic coded. Most clan cats believe in Starclan and the Dark Forest(or heaven and hell). There is a set of rule they must uphold and follow, where following them leads to heaven and breaking them leads to hell. Their religious leaders are sworn to celibacy, and the punishments that "code breakers"(or cats who break the rules) face are extremely similar to situations people with religious trauma have gone through.

OP notes: apparently converted to avoid getting his balls cut?? Idk. The discord yet wild for firestar so I had to include him because it's hilarious hehehe

#kirei kotomine #fate series #firestar #warriors #warrior cats #cct polls #tumblr tournament #tumblr bracket #tumblr polls

[ungodly-amounts-of-godly-trauma]

wotw round 1

propaganda under the cut!

will graham:

OMG where do I even start??? A lot of the fandom (not the whole fandom, but a lot of them) are obsessed with Will Graham being traumatized helpless baby boy sub and it's just like… Hello? Did you watch the same show as me?

"Oh no he got his brain caught on fire with encephalitis he needs his big strong psychiatrist Hannibal to take care of him and spoon feed him and protect him from the world"

"Oh he's in love with his friend Alana but she just sees him as a friend and a psychiatric project I just need to wrap him in a blanket and cuddle him and protect him from all these people who hurt him"

Like the list goes on and on but guys, come on. Will Graham lives by himself with his 7 dogs and takes care of all of them. He's an FBI agent. HE'S LITERALLY KILLED PEOPLE BOTH WITH HIS BARE HANDS AND WITH WEAPONS. THIS MAN IS A SCRUFFY OUTDOORSMAN WHO'S LIKE 6'0" AND MAYBE NOT BUILT BUT DEFINITELY NOT SCRAWNY AND IN NEED OF PROTECTING. I think a lot of people get caught up in the fact that Will Graham is played by Hugh Dancy and he was very much a "pretty boy" character in a lot of stuff before he played Will Graham and this is also exacerbated by Hannibal being played by Mads Mikkelsen who is "slightly taller rugged silver fox European man who is going to fix my daddy issues" and since Will and Hannibal are the main couple a lot of people are like "well they can't both be big tough top guys so obviously it's the guy who's slightly bigger and buffer and older"

Will Graham is a 38 year old FBI criminal profiler who has killed dangerous people with his bare hands, went to prison for some time, masterfully manipulated others, also hunts and fishes, and he's like very good at reading people and their motivations. Incredibly smart everyday man.

Sweet JESUS sometimes the fandom makes him out to be more of a helpless puppy than he really is. Granted, even if he has his moments of mental vulnerability, it's never treated as weak by the show. He's managed to persist through some of the hardest situations. AND LIKE I GET IT, HE'S REALLY PRETTY WHEN HE'S IN PAIN AND SUFFERING BUT HE'S NOT!!! A BABY!!! Anyway I've seen a lot of fandom takes where he's been twinkified to high hell or portrayed as helpless/submissive and often it entirely diminishes that he's a grown fucking person (who has KILLED AND WILL DO IT AGAIN).

had encephalitis in s1 so everyone calls him sweaty & got framed for murder so when he actually murders people people say it’s not his fault and that he was manipulated into doing so (how do you manipulate someone into putting down a shotgun and beating someone to death with their bare hands when you’re not even there? fuck if i know. also, the manipulator in question (hannibal, his sort of therapist) actively stopped him from killing someone). “someone help will graham” is an actual tag on ao3. people treat him like a child. he is a serial killer and people act like he can’t even feed himself. it’s terrible. will graham is a liar, a murderer, a cannibal, a manipulator, and i love him for it

jason "jd" dean:

shoutout to my lovely friend who knows who they are who talk abt how jd does no wrong and hes so slay when like. he does slay. he did slay. he slayed three whole people. and tried to slay a school. like, jd does a lot of wrong. all he does is wrong. and sometimes the fandom acts like everything he does is super chill and fine and sane, and ignores what he did altogether. like yea christian slater was fit in the movie. yk whats not fit? homocide

hes also treated like an innocent lil baby who can do nothing for himself but im watching the movie rn and he just bashed veronicas head off of an emergency fire hose, and shes apparently the love of his life

#tournament poll #will graham #hannibal #jason dean #jd #heathers #this is my favorite matchup yet. two lovely men who have something deeply wrong with them. and kill also <3 #wotw #round 1

[spinjitsuburst]

prime empire thoughts yes please

1- the world of prime empire overall. what are your ideas about it?

I personally they should've played with the ideas of invisible walls or show us how far the game actually expended. idk maybe that's just me but like the world of prime empire in its whole looks overlooked jgsjgl like there's so much you can do.

I also wanted so bad someone from the outside to interfere with the coding or something as well idk WHY DID WE GET SO LITTLE WITH A SEASON AROUND VIDEO GAMES

2- what are you thoughts about scott? (also does he play a big role in cabinet man? (since you also requested asks about cabinet man))

Cuz I think he is greatly underrated in prime empire (but yknow maybe that's just me)

3- jay's skin. I want all your thoughts about jay's skin. Superstar Rockin Jay should've lasted for much longer or at least become a gag in the future (or yknow the fact that there was a cult created out of it)

anyway yeah I like this season a normal amount. Toootally fine with how they handled it.

Can't wait to read your thoughts about it all ( ouo)

GJHJSHFJKGHJKFDSGH HOOOOO BOY

Ideas about the world of Prime Empire as a whole

OHOHO I HAVE SOOOO MANY MY FRIEND

first of all, most if not all the NPCs have some degree of sentience. That's an idea that I think should've been driven more home by the show itself but Blazey and Okino are not the only characters in the game that have free will and the ability to think for themselves. I believe this so wholeheartedly.

Prime Empire was split into different areas that I wish were explored more (honestly a lot of this season boils down to "I wish it were explored more"): Terra Technica, Terra Karana, and Terra Domina. Terra Technica obviously is the biggest area, with the entry point for players entering the game, the Speedway Five-Billion, Scott's Garage and Jay's Club, and at least one other area for the Dance Competition mini-game. I also think this would be where most of the shops run by NPCs in the game would be.

I think most NPCs reside in this area. To really hammer home the fact that they are PEOPLE, not just assets in the game, I think they have homes within the city. Y'know how in Pokemon games (except ScarVi rip) you can just walk into people's houses and there's NPCs inside? Yea it's like that. Except the NPCs leave the houses and explore as well because they have their own thoughts and lives.

Maybe it's just cuz I've been playing Tears of the Kingdom non-stop and it's taken over my brain but I think about the open-worldness of Prime Empire in a similar manner. You can pretty much go anywhere and do anything within the world of Prime Empire. You can scale buildings (if you have the skills unlocked for it) and find secrets everywhere. And most things respawn at certain intervals so players have the chance to pick them up. Kind of like a MMOPRG sorta vibe

BUT there is a sort of thing like you mentioned above - invisible points that you just can't pass. Like the place is enclosed by some giant wall you can't see, and doesn't let you pass through. If you TRIED you would just be running in place basically, never actually getting anywhere. You can see things beyond where stuck at, but they're just for show - there's nothing actually there to interact with, it just gives the guise of depth.

Basically Prime Empire is meant to feel endless, expansive, big, real, until the reality crashes in that it definitely isn't. And sure most people wouldn't care and would have fun playing anyways, but for those who aren't interested after this illusion is broken for them, discover that hey. How do you get out of here again?

Oh right.

They can't.

And that's when people start kinda freaking out. Which I imagine then Jay or the League of Jays step in to try and calm them down and get them to relax and have fun anyways while Jay waits for the rest of the ninja to arrive.

2. Thoughts about Scott and his role in the Cabinet Man AU!

OHHH MAN I LOVE SCOTT DUDE YOU'RE RIGHT HE'S SO UNDERRATED i think he's a super fascinating character to consider in Prime Empire. Given that Unagami clearly had a plan to cube a bunch of players for his portal, he definitely would've come after Scott first. When did Scott figure this out? Did Scott and Unagami interact in-person before this? How was Scott able to evade Unagami long enough to set up his garage's stealth barrier? He's so so so interesting to me

He's clearly a kind person who wants to help people to some degree (sneaking Jay into the garage with him in the shorts, letting Jay run his club from his garage, inevitably sacrificing himself so the ninja can get away, etc.) but he's also very wary and unwilling to risk himself in a lot of ways. He and Jay clearly come to care about each other to some degree in canon, given Jay seems fairly protective of him

and Scott trusts Jay enough to let him into his personal and secret place

LIKE I DON'T THINK THAT GETS TALKED ABOUT ENOUGH. NOT ONLY DID SCOTT AGREE TO HELP JAY HIDE OUT FROM UNAGAMI BUT HE LET HIM RUN AN ENTIRE CLUB OUT OF A SECRET TUNNEL CONNECTED TO HIS GARAGE

there was no reason for Scott to have done either of these things. Was it desperation because Jay's the first person Scott's seen in 30 years? Maybe. But clearly they care about each other to some degree

as for in the cabinet man AU! Jay considers Scott an older brother type figure. He, Scott, and Unagami actually got along well when Scott first got sucked into the game (the game is a lot newer than it is in the actual show given that Jay was 8 when he entered and there is no way he was in there for 30 years lmao, Jay would've been around 16 when Scott entered the game, Scott being 18 or 19, and Jay was around 21-22 when the ninja enter the picture). Unagami was excited to prove himself and give Scott a fun game experience, after all. But y'know, once Milton Dyer realized what happened.... things soured.

Jay and Scott were pretty much on the run together from then on. They care a lot about each other and Jay's extra devastated when Scott gets cubed. Once Jay and Scott leave the game, Scott takes time to rediscover life and reunite with family, but the two stay in close contact and see each other on a weekly basis for a while. Scott's still one of the first people Jay will reach out to if he needs help or advice with something not-ninja related

3. SUPERSTAR ROCKIN' JAY AAAAAAA

okay okay okay okay so obviously you and i met through skybound content so just in case you don't know yet

i'm. a little. unhinged. about superstar rockin' jay

i have so many thoughts about jay's avatar ranging from "this is my Gender and i want to look like a fucking lego" to "WHY DIDN'T NINJAGO LET HIM KEEP ASPECTS OF THIS" to just white noise in my brain and in the center of that white noise is me rotating his minifigure in my mind

HE'S SO COOL!!! HE'S SO COOL AND I LOVE HIM AND HIS DESIGN IS INCREDIBLE LIKE OKAY okay okay okay okay blue and yellow are contrasting colors that mesh REALLY well together and I think the glamrock persona with stars and triangles and shit looks super incredible and it's just a really nice and appealing design and I think that Jay would have like a v-tuber avatar of SSR Jay after the game cuz like LOOK AT HIM. THIS IS PEAK HEGHHAGJFHKGJKJHKJFHGKJFG god im so normal

this is why people call me the ceo of superstar rockin' jay. that design is every aesthetic of mine mashed into one. i'm so obsessed with this design it consumes my core being.

at the end of the day i too. am superstar rockin' jay

i lost track of the point of this question uhhhhhhhh OH YEA I WISH THEY'D LIKE. BRING IT UP MORE OFTEN LIKE JAY WAS AN IN-GAME IDOL!! HE WAS A PERFORMER!! DID HE HAVE FANS??? IS THERE SUPERSTAR ROCKIN' JAY MERCH???????? he should exist outside of prime empire screams

anyways this was a lot of words i love prime empire i love prime empire so much it's so good and more people need to talk about it please please lpease

#HAT BLESS YOU FOR THIS ASK EHHEHE I LOVE INFODUMPING ABOUT THIS SEASON AAAAAAAAAAAA #runs around in circles #this season is everything to me #jay #jay walker #prime empire #ninjago #superstar rockin' jay #spinjitsu screams #ask #cabinet man au #lego ninjago

[shallowseeker]

Hey shall, what's your favourite/fun headcanons on why cas keeps getting resurrected at first I tought it was cause god/chuck liked him (like remember when ppl in the destiel fandom talked about how chuck ships them... good times) Then yea, that just didn't turn out to be true lol

Ohh, this is fun. I have some nice uplifting ones and one very evil one. I could probably come up with a ton of these, and I'm not feeling super eloquent this week, but have my mental popcorn instead:

CHUCK/NETWORK NEEDED CAS -> Popularity ...and it bit Chuck in the ass because he accidentally allowed Cas to grow more and more powerful, even when he (and the writers) worked so hard to weaken him and kill him off. I don't have the exact quotes, but I know there are numerous instances that imply the writers worked hard to weaken Cas.

When the writers have to work to make Cas weaker, and to make Dean and Sam stronger, it shows that Cas is the bigger threat, in terms of cosmic power.

Emotional consequences: Because Cas is important to Dean, Cas is often resurrected specifically because Dean loses hope without him. After his first death, Cas literarily functions as The Lost Husband/The Animal Bridegroom/The Artificial Husband for Dean specifically. Unlike characters like Sam's Amelia (season 8), Dean is obsessed with clinging to his loved ones, saying to CAS: "I did not leave you!" and to NAOMI through CAS: "Take it! But you're gonna have to kill me first. Come on, you coward. Do it. Do it!" In his insistance to look for Cas in Purgatory and keep not giving up on Cas, he sets himself apart from his many mirrors. He's a lot like the human consort in many of the “supernatural spouse” tales, brave and insistent in his trials, even when death separates him from his lover. NOTE: Amelia Novak also becomes a heroine in this regard when she decided to go looking for her "lost husband," Jimmy Novak but becoming ensnared and dies in season 10. ANYWAY, Dean and Cas tend to die when the other isn't around, and they both get so depressed it makes for pretty abysmal watching. Chuck doesn't like Cas, but he needs Cas because Dean needs Cas. Dean won't behave unless he has Cas with him. DEAN from 13x03: "This life, hunting, monsters, there’s no joy in it. There’s nothing but pain, horror and death." And DEAN from 13x05: BILLIE: Maybe you’re not that guy anymore, they guy who saves the world, the guy who always thinks he’ll win no matter what. You have changed. And you tell people it’s not a big deal. You tell people you’ll work through it but you know you won’t, you can’t and that scares the hell out of you. Or… am I wrong? DEAN: What do you want me to say? Doesn’t matter. I don’t matter.

///

TETHERED TO A BROTHER or TWIN -> Functions as a thrown lifeline; i.e. one shield must fall before the other can

Not Cas-specific, but so long as your "tethered" twin is alive you cannot die. We see this with Amara and Chuck, that taking out Chuck requires killing Amara. This appears often in SPN, like with Charlie and There's No Place Like Home and the Wizard. It makes you wonder if Michael and Lucifer are similar. If you squint, Chuck does not seem able to kill Michael in 15x19 until after Lucifer has been killed. Makes you wonder if that was his intent on having them kill each other all along. That by having one kill the other, he could finally take out the son-rivals, as in the style of archetypical God-father who, because of their immortality, sees sons as threat to power. So what does that mean for Cas? Not sure, but he could be tethered to an angel that's still living. Maybe jack himself? (Or Dean's soul, for that matter.) It's assumed that Jack wakes up Cas, but there's juicy potential for it to have been Dean doing it all along, something Jack tapped into when Dean was screaming in grief during the Sam fight: DEAN: He manipulated him, he made him promises, said, ‘paradise on earth’ and Cas bought it and you know what that got him? It got him dead! Now you might be able to forget about that, but I can’t! [JACK looks distressed outside the room.] JACK: Castiel. [JACK’S eyes glow gold.]

///

MANY OF CHUCK'S REBELLIOUS CHILDREN ARE ACTUALLY CURSED TO BE RISING-AND-DYING GODS

As to quote Gabriel, "they are like cancer," he has to eradicate them, as they represent wars of old which are no longer needed. I know the rising-and-dying deity motif is something of a modern configuration, but since it appears in Remember the Titans, you have to wonder if this is a nature intrinsic to Cas himself. As angels are unable to sleep, they are unable to die. From 8x16: ZEUS: Tell me, has Prometheus experienced the child's death yet? [HAYLEY gives a nod.] How did he take it? Did he hurt? [HAYLEY nods again.] Good. ...I never get tired of watching you die. [ZEUS, holding SHANE up, says it right into his ear.] Your boy is going on the mountain. (Interestingly, the mountain forward-references to the episode Moriah.) From 14x08: COSMIC ENTITY: Stop interrupting! Start paying attention. I'm taking him. And where I'm taking you is worse than Hell… because at least Hell is something. Ohh. Ohh, God, they look scared. Does that hurt you? Good… because I want it to. In this interpretation, the Shadow is a higher God, and it has cursed Castiel for helping humanity the same way Prometheus helped humanity. It uses similar linguistics!

///

EVIL CAS/SHADOW MEANING -> God's most trusted double agent

Cas is resurrected by Chuck because he's secretly an intractable agent of Chuck, God's most trusted, analogues to how Ruby was "the best of those sons of bitches." This would take on a Christian overtone, that Chuck and Jack are the same person. Evil interpretation where Cas having been an agent of Fate all along. With this shadow meaning, "Cas helped" from 15x20 becomes especially ominous. But there's also "it's not the bait, it's the fish, I think they're beginning to anticipate me" from 15x06 right after Dean accuses him of being "the something that always goes wrong." There's something eerie in the idea that Chuck and Jack are in fact the same person, and Castiel is loyal to Him above all. "This lie won't hurt them," from Gimme Shelter etc etc. This would make Dean, like Sally in "Last Call" the real symbolic fish. If hunting is recklessness, fishing is patience, and Cas/God/Jack were being patient and fishing Dean's soul all along, baiting him with Love. Cas as a honey trap is a frightening thought, honestly, and although I don't prefer this shadow interpretation, it IS scary if someone wanted to explore it or have Dean simply fear this possibility, you know? Dean has an inherent fear of large powers, like Godstiel, and Jack's power, and he's right to fear it. At the end of the story, Cas and Jack are the only main characters still alive, so there's a real possibility that it is Cas who won the long game, not Chuck.

edit - there’s also cas has a soul theory, that he cannot sleep in the empty the sand way jack becomes aware of heaven in byzantium

#asks #cas and mortality #cas stuff #immortality

[travlersjoy444]

On the Road to Nowhere

2012 Raph x Reader

Mutant Apocalypse timeline

Summary: After the mutagen bomb goes off, you manage to save Raph and Donnie. Sort of. Dealing with new bodies, memory loss, missing brothers and friends...was maybe not how any of you wanted your adult lives to go, but the world has changed beyond repair.

So with a heavy heart, you and your battered dream team set off onto the road to nowhere.

In other words, the early days of the Mutant Apocalypse.

Warnings: Angst, sadness, the characters cry a lot, bittersweet ending, really hefty word count, implied capriltello but it's in the background, Raphael is trans in this because it's my fic and my rules

Word count: 13.6k

***

Day 0.

  Donnie was hooked up to some machine of theirs, trying as hard as he could to save his brain as their body was mangled beyond repair, Casey was texting you nonstop, Mikey and Leo were MIA, Raph was curled up on the couch, and you were sitting on the floor trying to process everything.

CaseyjONES:

R you guys okay??? No ones responding. Me and april are at my house 

CaseyjONES:

(Y/N) seriously what’s going on? I know you can see this i see your read symbol

CaseyjONES:

Where are you guys???

  Oh yeah. Now that you were done attaching Donnie to his one shot at survival, you could stop ignoring Casey’s texts. Nice.

You:

Sorry Case’ I was kinda preoccupied for a bit there

You:

Leo n Mikey are missing. Donnie and I retreated back into the lair. Raph is freaking out, I think he hit his head. Would ask Dee, but Dee is compromised. 

CaseyjONES:

Compromised???

You:

They fell off a building and got impaled. Is currently uploading his consciousness into an old Metalhead prototype. Very horrifying to witness. Status update, I feel like throwing up.

CaseyjONES:

…

CaseyjONES:

Shit

You:

Shit indeed

You: 

Anyways, I’m mostly uninjured. Arm mighta gotten mildly sprained but y’know what i’ll worry bout that later. Lair is a mess, only thing really salvageable was the lab. Probably gonna leave as soon as dee is stable. How are you guys?

CaseyjONES:

My sister got mutated. Last thing she touched was our cat so now she’s got claws. Shes freakin out and aprils trying to calm her down with empath powers or whatever. My dad is MIA but good riddance if ya ask me. Broke mty arm so im typing this with 1 hand, and april sprained her ankel. The cat has miraculously survived + is sittig w/ me on the couch wich is pretty cool ngl

You:

So youre all stable???

CaseyjONES:

Yea

You:

Oh thank god

You: 

Cas my phones about to die. Dee n i will contact ya soon as theyre stable. Love ya. Stay safe or i’ll kill u

CaseyjONES:

Cool cool. Love you too. keep everyone+urself safe. Hopefully we;ll see yo soon.

  You sighed as your phone clicked off, definitively cutting off your final connection to your friends.

  Raph whimpered behind you in one of the most un-Raph like ways you’d ever heard, and you turned around.

  “Raph? You okay?” You rasped.

  He was curled around himself tightly, rocking back and forth.

  “Who the fuck are you?” He whispered, tears in his eyes.

  You winced. You were guessing he had some form of amnesia, or some kind of damage to the hippocampus.

   “I’m (Y/N). (Y/N) (L/N). You’re my best friend, but I think you hit your head in all the chaos.” You said slowly, feeling your heart sink even further.

  He gave a strangled sob and shoved his face into his knee pads. “I hate this. Who the fuck am I?”

  “You’re Raphael Hamato. You’re the son of Splinter or Hamato Yoshi. You’re the brother of Donatello, Leonardo, and Michelangelo, and the father of Chompy Picasso. You’re the best friend ever to me. You hit your head when Leo saved us from the mutagen bomb. I’m pretty sure it is currently the end of the known world.” You answered slowly, robotically. You were half-aware of how you were saying it for your own sanity as much as you were for Raph’s.

  “Where are we?” Raph said, voice trembling in a way that seemed so out of character.

  “Your home. Well. Sorta. It kinda got partially destroyed, there were a lotta cave ins.” You said numbly, standing up. “D’ya wanna tour? See if it…I’unno, sparks a few memories?”

  He pressed his shell to the back of the couch, scooting away from you. “D’you think that’ll help? …How do I know I can trust you?”

  “...C’mere.” You said, waving towards Donnie’s bulletin board in the back of the lab. Hesitantly, Raph followed after you, though not without a groan of pain.

  “That’s you.” You murmured, unpinning a photo of a smiling Raph and Casey as they posed in front of a wall you’d all spray painted. “I took this photo when we were fifteen, about three years ago. That human is Casey Jones, our close friend.”

  Raph took the photo, squeezing it lightly in his shaky hands. “Show me another.” He demanded.

  “Here’s you and I at the farmhouse.” You smiled fondly at the memory. “I was bored and convinced you to let me give you eyeliner.” Photo-Raph was scowling at the camera, with his arms crossed and pointy winged liner around his eyes. Photo-you was grinning proudly, holding the eyeliner pen with one hand and giving photo-Raph a side-hug with the other.

  Real-Raph accepted the photo. “That’s me, then?”

  “Yeah.” 

  “Why don’t I look like you and this guy?”

  “We’re humans. You’re a mutant.” You said simply. “A turtle/human hybrid, like your siblings.” 

  You pointed to a group shot. “The one with the blue mask is Leonardo, orange is Mikey, and purple is…uhm. Well, purple was Donnie...” You said, trying to choke back tears as you stared at the photo. “I-is any of this…y’know, ringing any bells?” You managed to mumble out through your tears. 

  Raph shook his head. “No.”

  “Oh.” You said, feeling a fresh new wave of dread wash over you. You took a deep breath. “Well. That’s not ideal.” 

  “Where are the other…turtles?” Asked Raph, clearly hesitant to call these supposed strangers his siblings, which nearly broke you even further.

  “Mikey and Leo are missing, and Donnie…” You sighed. “Well, I’d probably better just show you.”

  You lead him over to the table where Donnies mutilated body sat underneath a sheet. Wires ran from underneath it and connected to a tiny Metalhead robot.

  “What’s…wrong with him?” Raph said softly, reaching for the sheet.

  “Don’t.” You breathed, brushing his hand away. “You don’t wanna see it, trust me. They fell off a building and got impaled by shrapnel and debris. Their body isn’t exactly pretty or…y’know. Recognizable as Donatello.”

  “They’re dead?” Raph asked, and the tinge of discomfort in his voice wasn’t nearly enough for the situation- the Raph you knew would be yelling and crying and screaming, not…not being mildly uncomfortable in the way that one is when a stranger dies.

  “Yes and no. He’s uploading his brain into that robot. There’s only about an hour left before it loads. After that, we’re outta here for good. The scavengers’ll be coming soon, so we havta get a move on sooner than later.” You said, an empty hollow feeling in your chest as you said the words ‘for good’. 

  It just felt so real.

  “C’mon. Let’s see if your room has anything salvageable.” You grunted, leaving Donnie’s body behind.

  Raph’s room had partially caved in, but the front of it still looked okay. His drum set sat undamaged in the corner, though you doubted there was room for it in the Shellraiser, so it was a moot point.

  Raph stared vacantly at the place that had once mattered so much to him, without a single hint that he recognized any of it in his empty features. You wanted to hug him so bad. Maybe more for your own comfort than for his. 

  But then again, you needed the familiar hug of your best friend…not this vacant eyed empty shell of a turtle who didn’t recognize you.

  “Oh hey look. That box says ‘photos’ on it.” Raph said lightly, pointing at a dusty shoebox that sat under the bed and breaking you out of your spiralling thoughts.

  “It also says ‘do not touch’.” You pointed out.

  “Yeah well, I think I’d want me to know what’s in my own ‘do not touch’ box.” Raph grunted, sounding like his old sarcastic self again for just a moment.

  You held your hands up and stepped aside, and Raph scooped up the box. 

  He took off the lid, and picked up one of the photos. “...Who’s Venus?” He said, holding up a photo of a little turtle in a red bow with the label ‘Venus De Milo’. 

  You frowned, staring at the photo in confusion. Judging by the line drawn over the word ‘Venus’, Raph clearly had not wanted you to know about it, but the name didn’t ring any bells. “Actually, I don’t know. I’ve never met a Venus. Maybe you guys had some long lost sister that no one told me about?”

  “Seriously? What kinda soap opera bullshit would that be?” Raph snorted.

  “I mean. It wouldn’t be the first time.” You shrugged. 

  “...Wait, really?”

  “S’okay, we’ll ask Donnie.” You said. “Now…I’m pretty sure you’d want me to save your sketchbook and paints. Your canvases too, but we don’t have room for that.”

  He swallowed, flipping through the sketchbook you’d handed him, tracing over the doodles on the cover. “Fuck. I…I don’t remember any of these.” He murmured, not even bothering to wipe the tears from under his mask.

  “And I…I can’t find Chompy.” You whispered, rifling around his room a final time. “Shit. Shit shit shit. M-maybe he ran away…” You trailed off, wiping your face with your torn-up shirtsleeve.

  “Chompy?”

  You looked away from him. “Chompy Picasso. Alien turtle. Your son, basically...and I-I can’t fucking find him anywhere. Hopefully he got out before we came here, otherwise…” You swallowed a sob. 

  Raph stared at you, looking sick. “I had a son? But aren’t we…teenagers?” He said, his voice devoid of the raging grief he would have felt before, and replaced with a look of discomfort and horror at being a stranger to his own life.

  “An adoptive son, practically, yeah. And you…you loved him so, so much…He was so fucking cute…” You cried, your voice cracking. “Shit, Raph. You don’t remember Chompy…”

  “Shit.” He agreed, staring at the ground.

***

  Donnie was stable now, opening and closing his new metal hands.

  “How’s Raph?” They said. Their voice had taken on a metallic ring, though it still sounded like Donnie at its core.

  “Brain damage. He’s got brain damage.” You answered, glancing over to the far side of the lab where Raph sat, flipping through his box of photos.

  “What?!”

  “He doesn’t remember anything. That’s why he's keeping his distance. Said it feels weird.” 

  “Memory loss.” Donnie said, and the creaking breathy sounds that followed could only be described as crying although his new metal face remained neutral. 

  You held out your arms and Donnie fell into them, shaking and sobbing but not really. They were so small now, which felt wrong, because Donnie had always been close to your height if not taller.

  Well, it didn’t matter. This was Donnie now, and that stranger in the corner staring at the photos was Raph, and that haggard looking human in the mirror was you.

  Day 0 of the apocalypse and you were already all falling apart at the seams.

  Nice.

***

Day 1.

  Raph forgot his own name for a few hours, and Donnie panicked. He’d say to you later that it was nice to know his circuitry was still capable of having a panic attack, but his voice would be hollow. Well, more so than it was already with that robotic tremor to his voice. 

  But at the moment, you were sitting with your arms around a trembling Metalhead who was actually Donatello, and making uncomfortable eye contact with Raph who sat across from you on the floor of the Shellraiser.

  His bright green eyes were narrowed in frustration, and his plastron rose and fell quicker than usual. He was probably hyperventilating. 

  You kept your distance. When you’d tried to comfort him earlier, he’d tried to shank you with a piece of glass he’d found on the ground. You didn’t hold it against him, really- he’d yelled “Who the hell are you?! Stay back!” first, so you at least knew it wasn’t out of malice.

  And it also meant that he was more damaged than you and Donnie had originally thought. 

  Probably permanently, Donnie had said through gasping breaths before he realized he didn’t actually need air anymore. 

  Fuck. 

  “I’m sorry, Raph.” You found yourself saying, because you were. It may have stung having him try to hurt you, but what stung more was the look of pure fear and confusion in his face. 

  He broke eye contact with you and dropped his face onto his knee pads again, slumping over in shame and sorrow. 

  “I’m sorry (Y/N), Donatello.” He replied, voice slightly muffled by his legs, which were pulled to his chest.

  “Don’t be.” You muttered. “It’s not your fault. You didn’t mean to.”

  Donnie nodded. “It’s not your fault. It’s mine. I should’ve treated you sooner, then you might’ve stood a chance-”

  “Shut up Donatello. If you had done that then you woulda bled out and died and you are not allowed to fucking die on me, we clear?” You hissed, squeezing his metal shoulders.

  “I did die, (Y/N).” Donnie said flatly, pointing at the bag that held their body.

  “Shit.” You said, letting your gaze follow his finger as you let it finally sink in that yeah you were talking to Donnie, but also that was his fucking corpse in the back of the Shellraiser. “Shit shit shit. You’re still with us, but like…man this is fucked up, huh? You’re not dead, Don, you’re still you, but…”

  “What if I’m not?! I’m a robot! Maybe the real Donatello is dead! What if I’m just a really good simulation?! What if I just think I’m panicking because it’s what Donatello would do?” He exclaimed, tugging on Metalhead’s antennae when he would usually tug on his mask tails.

  “Well if it makes you feel any better, I’m pretty sure human emotions are a physical chemical reaction too. So one could argue that I’m just freaking out because the chemicals in my brain are reacting rather than me actually feeling things, right?” You offered.

  “...I guess…Look I think I'm gonna go into sleep mode now, okay? It’s been a long day.” They sighed.

  “Yeah, okay. See ya tomorrow, Don. Love you.” You said, patting his shoulder. 

  “Ditto.” They said, and then the lights went out in their eyes.

  Raph sighed, staring at his sibling. “It feels weird being taller than them for some reason.” He grunted, breaking the silence.

  “Oh, you remember that?” You said hopefully.

  “Nah. I guess it just….feels weird. I dunno.”

  “Well…Yeah it really does. Donnie always towered over you and Leo. Mikey hit a growth spurt like two years ago and wound up almost as tall, and you nearly cried at that...” You rambled, smiling. 

  “Oh. That explains it, I guess.” Raph snorted. “Was I…taller than Leo? Just out of curiosity, of course…” He added, looking hopeful.

  “Nah. Leo’s 5’2ish. You are 5’1.” 

  “...Fuck.” Raph cursed. “That is unfair, y’know that?”

  “You complained about it often.” You smiled. “It was kinda adorable.”

  “Adorable?” Raph said, wrinkling his snout.

  “Yeah. Ha. I uh….called you that a lot, guess it’s kinda a habit. Not because you’re short but because I thought you were cute. Uh…by which I mean good-looking, not cute like a kitten or something.” You said with a shrug. “Not that it really matters.”

  “Oh. That’s cool then, I guess.” Raph said with a slight smile.

  You smiled. “So I can keep callin’ you adorable?”

  “Sure. Knock yourself out.” 

  You glanced out the window of the Shellraiser. It was still too bright out to travel safely to Casey’s apartment, with too many angry mindless mutants destroying everything in sight. You and Donnie had agreed to wait till the cover of night to head over there, in hopes that the new mutants would retain their usual sleep schedule.

  “Damn. How long’ll this take?” You mumbled. It was six in the evening, but still bright as ever outside…

  A pink thing slammed into the front camera, sending you falling back in shock.

  Upon further inspection, it appeared to be a once-human that had been nearly swallowed by brainy, vein-covered tendrils. You choked back a gag.

  Raph swallowed and clicked the camera off, looking greener than usual as the image faded.

  “Ugh. Gross.” You whispered.

  “So I’m assuming that things weren’t alway like this, right?” Raph said softly.

  “Nope. You, my friend, would much prefer the Old World…” You paused, having a realization. “Shit. I bet that if this were a transcript, ‘Old World’ would be fucking capitalized.” 

  “So….there’s no way to undo whatever happened?”

  “Nah. Dee’s run the numbers. The odds of the Earth bouncing back from this…are in the negatives.” You said, unable to summon anything other than an empty sigh.

  “...What was your Earth like?” Raph asked, raising his brow ridge as he stared at you gently, as if you were some sorta fragile ceramic that could break at any minute.

  Or as if you were a tearful human who’s world had just turned upside down.

  You heaved a sigh, and sat down next to him on the floor.

  “Well…there were trees yesterday. Green trees, not those crystal lookin’ things in Central Park that we saw this morning. And yesterday, this was New York, and it was full of people, not…those brain mutants and animal hybrids and…fuckin’  masses of organs suspended in jello. I dunno how far reaching the mutation bomb was, but Dee’s scanners have picked up on stuff as far as Florida to the south and Quebec to the north, and that’s not even counting the ones that went off on the West Coast and outside of America. Whatever it was that terraformed the Earth did a fucking good job.” You sighed, pulling your knees to your chest.

  “So the old world really is the Old World.” Raph breathed. 

  “Yup. I…I don’t think we’ll ever get our homes back, Raphael.” You whispered. 

  Yesterday morning when you’d said something like that, Raph had pulled you into a wordless hug and you’d pressed your face into his chest and cried. 

  This evening as you sat on the floor crying, Raph stared at you sadly but kept his distance.

  And you were reminded once again that you really were alone.

***

You: Casey we’re headed over

You: Read ya messages case

You: Dude seriously, are you guys okay?

Sent: 4hrs ago, unread

You: We’re here…

Sent: 1hr ago, unread

***

  “Case’? Casey?” You yelled, wandering through his apartment. “April…”

  “April! Casey!” Donnie yelled even louder than you. His face couldn’t emote, but his voice was high and desperate, and you were pretty sure they were twice as nervous as you were.

  “He hasn’t replied to any messages since like three pm, and we’ve searched this dump for like an hour. I don’t think your friends are here, guys.” Raph sighed, crossing his arms. 

  “Shut up!” You and Donnie chorused, and Raph rolled his eyes. 

  “Fine, whatever! We’ll just stay here forever then I guess!” He snapped.

  “Yeah well maybe we’re not being big babies, Raph! Don’t you care about finding Casey?!”

  “I don’t know who the fuck Casey is!” Raph growled.

  Donnie deflated. “...You’re right. I…I’m sorry, Raph. I forgot that you’re…y’know.”

  “Brain damaged? Nice. Can’t fucking relate.” Raph grunted.

  You exhaled through your nose. “Sorry Rafa. We’re just…we really wanted this lead…” Shit you were crying again. 

  “It’s just…I miss them so much. Casey and April mattered a lot to us, and to you, and we thought they’d….we thought they’d be here, but we’ve lost their signal and now I don’t fucking know what to do…” You whimpered, burying your face into your scarf.

  Donnie tried to pat you on the shoulder but only succeeded in reaching to the small of your back.

  “I miss  them too. Well Raph…Casey and April…well, they mattered a ton to me and it just…is so scary to consider that they might…” 

  They didn’t finish the sentence, but you knew what they meant. 

  That they might be dead. 

  Raph stared at both of you with a grimace, seeming to pick up on the meaning too.

***

Day 15.

  Raph stared at the photos a lot, not recognizing any of them.

  Sometimes he woke up on the floor of the subway car that you, his supposed ‘best friend’, and Donnie, the robot who claimed to be his brother, had dubbed the ‘Shellraiser’. He’d sit there trying to remember where he was, only for him to slowly remember waking up in rubble to a wide pair of (E/C) eyes.

  That was always what he remembered first. 

  Then he’d remember the smell of smoke and something he didn’t have a name for, and the feeling of someone hugging him close to their chest and whispering “It’s okay it’s okay-shit- Dee, he’s not waking up, he’s not- Oh my god Donnie, your- your plastron-”

  He’d opened his eyes a crack to see humans mutating, screaming in horror, before someone shifted his head, and then all he could see was fabric.

  Then he was on an unfamiliar couch with someone squeezing his hand. “Donnie…that’s a thing that’s possible?”

  “No, but do I have any other option?!”

  “...Shit Dee, you- you can’t die on me-”

  “I won’t. I swear I won’t, (Y/N). If my theories are concrete, which they have an-” The voice paused to take a laboured breath. “-an 86.3% chance of being, then my consciousness will- shit that hurts- my consciousness will be uploaded into Metalhead…”

  Raph didn’t remember how that conversation had ended, which he was very okay with. 

  Then after that the other things would begin to come back. Right. Right, he was Raphael, and these two people used to matter a lot to him in the Before Times, supposedly.

  He didn't remember either of you, if he was honest. But if the notes on his Past Self’s photos were trustworthy, then you especially meant the world to him once. 

  He held up a photo of you in different, cleaner clothes. Your eyes were brighter, and you were grinning harder than you ever had now. The note on the back read ‘Reference photo 4 drawing (Y/N)’ in a messy script with a heart drawn next to it. Below it, in smudged print, it said ‘I feel creepy for staring at this for so long… Shit why did I write that down?’

  He frowned and looked at another. This one was of a purple-ish pink turtle that gave the camera a wide smile, and the notation on the back said ‘Chompy I love you so fucking much but stop burning my paper please’

  The next photo wasn’t a photo but a drawing. It was a rough sketch of a human hugging a baby turtle that was drawn in pink, with soft shading and a lot of smudges. The back of this one said ‘Shitty drawing of (Y/N) and Chompy. Felt bad throwing it away though for some reason, idk’

  Raph wrinkled his snout. He disagreed with his Past Self, he thought the drawing looked kinda cute. Still, he’d respect Past Raph’s wishes and hide it away in the ‘Don’t Touch Box’. 

  He looked at the next picture. Venus again. 

  There were a lot of photos in the Don’t Touch Box of this ‘Venus De Milo’, and Raph hadn’t gotten any closer to an answer as to who she was. Heck, there were a few photos where she was completely crossed out with no further commentary. Not that it made much of a difference though, since the commentary that was there was ridiculously unhelpful. ‘Took another one of Sensei’s Venus photos. I wish he’d just let me burn all of them, but instead he just gave me this box and told me to hide them here instead of destroying all our childhood photos. Ugh. I hate them so much, obviously you know why, future me.’

  No, I do not. Why are you so cryptic, Past Me?! Raph clicked in frustration, throwing the Venus photos back into the box. 

  “Lookin’ at Sensei’s old photos, Raph?” Said Donnie, making Raph jump back in surprise. 

  “Dammit, you’re awake?!”

  “Yeah, just finished…charging.” Donnie sighed. “That still feels so weird to say.”

  “Well, you’ve only been like this for…what, a week? Two?” Raph said dryly. 

  “...Yeah. I miss being…tall.” Donnie said softly. Raph got the vibe that they’d actually meant something else, but he didn’t feel like unpacking that right now.

  “I miss you being tall.” Raph agreed. “Maybe that’s a good sign as far as memory stuff goes though.”

  “...Hey, maybe it is, Raph! That’s actually really good!” Donnie said, their voice perking up while their face remained uncannily blank.

  “...Cool.” Raph said. “...Hey, Donnie, who was Venus?”

  Donnie jolted. “-Oh. Right. You found those pictures… I actually forgot about- well. Venus… You’re a transman, Raph, and Venus was your name back before you realized you were a boy.”

  Raph frowned. “I’m a…what?”

  “Well…when we were kids, Splinter named you Venus De Milo because you were physically a girl. Then when we were like thirteen or fourteen you told us that you actually were our brother, not our sister, so Sensei changed your name to Raphael.” Donnie said slowly.

  Raph…did not like that information at all. “So…I’m not a boy?”

  “No you are, it just took a bit of time for you to realize it.” Donnie shrugged. 

  “Good. I…do not like the name Venus.” Raph grunted.

  “Yeah, when we were little you used to make us call you ‘Milo’ instead.” Donnie chuckled. “Splinter was so confused, but he just wanted you to be happy at the end of the day, really…”

  Raph swallowed. “Uhh…Donatello, who’s…Splinter?”

  Donnie’s neck sparked. “Right. Right right right…Raph, Splinter was our dad.” 

  “Oh.” He should know that. What kinda person didn’t even recognize their own father?! 

  Why couldn’t he remember the things that made Past Raph so happy?

  Well he didn’t even remember that he was a fucking girl, so clearly he wasn’t the best judge-

  “G’mornin’ guys” You yawned, leaning over the passenger’s seat where Raph had perched.

  Raph shook his head clear and looked back at you. “Hi.”

  “How’s the new body coming, Don?” You asked, stretching your arms.

  “I’m almost done with the shell. I’ve made it segmented this time so that I can actually bend over, see?” They said, bending the large shell made of sewer plates.

  “Oh. That’s really rad, Dee.” You said proudly.

  “Yeah, I’m sick of being shorter than Raph.” He chuckled. “I can't wait to finish this model.”

  “Wait, you’re making a new new body?” Raph frowned. “Did I know about that?”

  “Yeah, I told you yesterday, you must have forgotten... S’okay though. Here’s the design, I made these blueprints months ago.”

  “How come? What’s wrong with this robot?” Raph said, glancing over the taller, sleeker design sketch Donnie had handed him.

  Donnie shrugged. “I guess…this is Metalhead’s body, not mine. And I want my body to feel like mine.”   “Oh. Okay, fair enough I guess?” Raph shrugged, not sure how that made sense. Donnie was in the body, so that made it his right? Why’d they need a new one?

  Whatever, Donnie could do what they wanted, he supposed.

  “I think it looks great.” You smiled, though it didn’t reach your eyes the way it did in the Don’t Touch Box photos. “I love the purple LEDs.”

  “Yeah, it looks nice.” Raph agreed. It really did; it was cleaner than Donnie’s current body, and seemingly more combat-effective if all the hidden blasters in the concept art were any clue. Plus it just looked cool as fuck.

  “Thanks. It should be finished in a few weeks…in the meantime though, (Y/N), we should discuss plans.”

  You nodded, following Donnie to the back of the Shellraiser.

  “We should go on a supply run, we’re low on perishable food and water.” You said, writing ‘supply run’ on the whiteboard Donnie had set up in the back. 

  “Okay, noted. Do we have enough non-perishables?”

  “Yeah. The drawers in the back are full of instant ramen and canned food.” You nodded.

  “So just the usual things then…shelter. What��re we gonna do about shelter?”

  “Yeah, I don’t really like it out here. Seems pretty sketchy.” Raph grunted, spinning around so that his plastron was pressed to the back of the chair and his head was rested on the top.

  “I vote we go to the farmhouse. You’ve run your scans, and I think we just needa….you know, accept that everyone is…out of range of the scanners. We’re just sitting ducks in New York, Don.” You sighed.

  Donnie clenched their fists. “I- I know, but like…what if they come back for us and we’re not here, (Y/N)? What if by leaving we forfeit our chances of finding Casey, April, Mikey, and Leo?”

  “Well what if we do? Who cares?” Raph argued. “They either left or they’re dead, Donatello! We should leave too if we wanna not be dead!”

  “Yeah well what do you know?! You don’t even know the extent of the damage!”

  “Yeah I do. Explode-y bomb things from here to the other side of the planet. Earth getting terraformed in some twisted reflection of the world you knew before. Humans turning into horrifying brainless monsters, and humans that turn into horrified monstrous mutants, and humans like (Y/N) who survived with trauma and dead friends. And friends that lose their memories. Yadayada, all that shit.” Raph said through gritted teeth. “Plus, I saw you guys fighting off those mutants in the last supply run, you barely escaped with your fucking tail attached. Long story short, I vote we get outta here as soon as possible.”

  You and Donnie looked at each other, blinking.

  “I vote what he votes.” You supplied.

  Donnie sighed. “You always did…fine. Fine, guys.  You win. But can we please just stay for one more night?”

  You shrugged. “Yeah, I think that seems fair. Raph?”

  He nodded. “Yeah. Deal. We havta go on that supply run, anyways, so.”

  “Cool cool. So…farmhouse then, Dee?” You said hesitantly, as if you were afraid of hurting Donnie.

  Donnie just grunted. “I’m gonna go into sleep mode. You guys handle the supply run, I have to do some repairs from last time.”

  “Well that wasn’t really an answer.” You said flatly as Donnie’s lights went out again.

  “...No it was not.” Raph sighed. 

***

  “D’ya think I can pull off steel-toed boots?” You grinned, rapping your knuckles on the metal capped toes of a pair of leather combat boots.

  “Well…it seems efficient, so yeah, why not.” Raph shrugged.

  “Yeah, but would it look rad?” You pressed.

  Raph nodded. “It would look badass.”

  “Now that’s the answer I was lookin’ for.” You beamed, pulling on the boots.

  “Do you think I’d look cool in that jacket?” Raph asked, reaching for an aviator jacket. It was useful, from a practical standpoint, with tons of pockets and the ability to hold in warmth, but he didn’t really want it if it didn’t make him look like the characters on the covers of the comics he’d managed to salvage.

  “Raphael, you would look so cool in that jacket. You need it.” You nodded emphatically. “All we’d needa do is cut a hole for your shell.”

  “...Oh yeah. Forgot about that part.” Raph sighed, wrinkling his snout in disdain. His shell was kinda inconvenient. But then again, it did function as a fantastic natural armor, so pros and cons. He tossed the jacket into the hijacked cart anyways.

  You grabbed a tent from the shelf. “I think this’ll probably be useful down the line right?”

  “Well…it’s free, so might as well.”

  “Ooh, lookit this lifestraw!”

  “What the hell is a lifestraw?”

  “It filters water. Turns even the most contaminated junk into safely drinkable water. I’m surprised there’s even one left, this is gonna save our shells.”

  “You don’t have a shell, (Y/N).”

  “I’ve spent the past three years of my life surrounded almost entirely by people who do. Your jargon has worn off on me.”

  “What the hell is jargon?”

  “Your turtle-specific manner of speaking. Like swapping normal words for ‘shell’.”

  “Shit, we did that?”

  “Yeah. It was charming.”

***

  “(Y/N), what’s ‘feminine hygiene’?” Raph frowned, peering down an aisle.

  You glanced up, following his gaze. “Uh…y’know, girl stuff, don’t worry about it.”

  “Donnie said I’m a ‘transman’, so maybe I should.” Raph mumbled, feeling ill at the thought.

  You did a double take. “Wait what? Oh-kay, cool cool. Maybe you do need to worry about it.”

  Raph grunted and crossed his arms. “I dunno why, but I get a very odd, very uncomfortable feeling when you say that.”

  You swallowed, obvious nervousness in your eyes. “Well…that is fair. Raphael…allow me to remind you about the world of…feminine hygiene. Damn. I’m having to give my boyfriend- uh- my best friend- ‘the talk’, this feels weird!” You laughed. “Uh…so how do I put this. Once a month people with feminine body parts…bleed uncontrollably and you havta fix it with the stuff in this aisle! …Yayyyy!”

  Raph suddenly got a very vivid memory of sitting on the couch of the lair with a hot pack on his plastron and an angry feeling in his head.

  Shit, why was one of the few memories he had of the Old World one where he was bleeding in places he didn’t want to be?!

  He groaned and facepalmed. “This is shit, you know that? My life is shit.”

  “Periods ain’t fun.” You nodded. “I dunno if you turtles are affected the same way as humans though, so I could be totally wrong-”

  “No, no, I remember now. It’s the same. Basically.” Raph said, blushing bright red and glaring at the ground. “Aaand I’m calling it on that conversation.” He finished.

  You nodded. “I’ll allow it. Lemme know if you need any help figuring out what supplies you need-”

  “-nO I’m good!” Raph exclaimed. “How about you just get- get some other supplies right now?!” He grinned, trying to mask the discomfort that rose the longer he stood in this stupid aisle.

  You nodded. “Whatever makes you feel comfortable. I’ll be in the next aisle over, the first aid section, ‘kay?”

  “Great.” Raph replied.

  It was only after you’d left that he noticed that you’d called him your ‘boyfriend’ for a second there.

  Well. Well that was an interesting development. 

  Raph hated not having his memories. He was 99% positive that Past Raph would know exactly what you meant by that, but presently? Raph was just so, so confused.

  Maybe he had been your boyfriend in the Old World. If the photos counted for anything, Past Raph had probably liked you at some point- you showed up more often than anyone else, both in the photos and in his sketchbook. And he hadn’t even finished digging through them yet.

  And now instead of having good ol’ Past Raph to comfort you, you got this Raph. The Raph who had forgotten his own name a few days ago, the Raph who didn’t really know what to do when you cried, the Raph who was so sick of not knowing… 

  Heck, he was pretty sure you had been avoiding touching him, which felt just as weird as being taller than Donnie. Even in the photos, you always seemed to have an arm around him or a hand in his, but now you were careful not to stray within a few feet of him. As if he was some kinda ticking time bomb.

  Then again, he kinda was, huh? The last time you’d come near him, he’d tried to stab you in a panic. Maybe you were right to steer clear of him, though the thought of that just made him sad for some reason. 

  He paused and blinked at a mirror that sat at the end of the aisle.

  Huh. That really was what he looked like, all green skin and torn mask tails and neon eyes. 

  He looked tired.

  “Hey Rafa, lookit what I found!” You yelled, and Raph tore himself away from his reflection, dropping his armful of…feminine hygiene products into the cart before following your voice to the paint section.

  “Look dude! Spray paint!” You grinned, bouncing on your feet.

  Raph stared at you blankly, trying to understand your excitement. “Uh…did we…uhm…”

  An image flashed through his head of holding a can of spray paint and stepping back to look at a mural. 

  “...OH! Oh right! I used to like spray painting!” He exclaimed, pleased at the memory. “(Y/N) I remember it!”

  Your eyes widened. “You remember?! Oh Raph this is huge!”

  “...What d’ya say to painting a final mural before we leave the city, for….I dunno, old time’s sake?” Raph said with a hesitant smile.

  “Hell yeah!” You beamed, grabbing as many colors of spray paint as you could and dropping them into the cart. “Dee is in sleep mode so he can’t even stop us!”

  “Yes, I can.” 

  You fell back and dropped your phone. Raph’s fists flew into a fighting stance, observing the phone nervously.

  “Sorry ‘bout the scare guys.” Donnie’s voice chuckled, not sounding even slightly sorry. “I just discovered that I can access you through your phones! I’ll be back in sleep mode soon, I just thought that was a perfect time to test the audio feature.”

  “Wait, you can hear our conversations?” You frowned.

  “Uh….surprise?” Donnie said sheepishly. “If it makes you feel any better, I don’t plan on stopping you from spray painting. It actually seems like it could both help Raph’s memory since it’s so familiar, as well as being just…a nice gesture. My one suggestion is that you add some way for Leo, Mikey, Casey, and April to find us, like a coded key to our whereabouts.”

  “Oh. That’s smart.” You said. “But can we get back to how you’ve been eavesdropping this whole time Donald?!”

  “Lalala, going into sleep mode, can’t hear you, lalala…” Donnie said, ever the terrible liar, and disconnected a second later.

  “That little shit.” You said fondly. “If you’re still listening, I love you, Don, but you’re a total jerk.”

  Raph shook his head, feeling the beginnings of a smile on his face. “If you’re still listening, then quit listening, Donatello.”

  But no reply came from the phone, so you shrugged. “Guess he actually is back in sleep mode. C’mon, let’s paint a mural.”

***

  Raph glared at the wall.

  The spray paint had gathered into a messy blob of color that did not look like a mural.

  The paint bottle felt natural in his hand, yeah, and his lines were steady, but they weren’t coming out right. He scowled and tried to cover the blob with a cloud of red, but then it didn’t look like a cloud, it just looked like blood.

  “AUGUHH!” He yelled in frustration, kicking the wall. He jumped back to hold his foot, which was now throbbing in pain. Shit, why was that his instinct?!

  “You good Raph?” You said, looking over from your side of the wall. Your mural looked nice, with a painting of two turtles, a skeleton, and a red haired girl with eyes that seemed to glow. They were all outlined in thick black and colored in vibrant shades, which made them pop against the gray wall.

  “Fine…” He grumbled, rubbing his foot. “I just- I can’t draw or something.”

  You followed his glare toward his bloody smear of a painting.

  “Oh…did you…”

  “Forget? Yeah. I fucking forgot how to draw.” He said with a humorless laugh.

  “Do you…want a crash course? We’ve still got an hour or so before we have to head out…” You offered.

  He shook his head. “No…we don’t have time. …Did you add the message?”

  You nodded, still staring at him sympathetically. “I wrote ‘guys, find us in the healing place- Red, Purple, and (L/N)’. They’ll know what I mean.”

  “The ‘healing place’?” Raph repeated.

  “The farmhouse.” You elaborated. “We went there back when the kraang invaded three years ago. Leo was in a coma for like three months, and y’know…healed. And I think we all kinda healed too. You were kinda the team leader for a bit there…” You trailed off, eyes glazing over as if you were reminiscing about something Raph undoubtedly wouldn’t understand. You shook your head clear. “...but you know, I think they’ll get it. More importantly, I don’t think anyone else will, so we can’t be followed. Not that we have any reason to be followed, I’m just paranoid.” 

  “Aren’t we like…ninjas with like a million enemies or whatever?”

  You snorted. “Kinda, yeah.”

  “...So the idea that we might be followed doesn’t seem that outlandish, right?” Raph ventured.

  “Hm. Thanks for justifying my paranoia, Raphael!” You exclaimed, not looking any happier.

  “...Uh…I’m gonna say you’re welcome, but I get the funny feeling that you don’t actually mean that, huh?” He said sheepishly,

  “No, I…I dunno.” You said with a humorless laugh. “I’m being weird.”

  “It’s literally the end of your world. You should be acting weird, right?” Raph snorted.

  You smiled half-heartedly. “Ya think?”

  “Donnie’s acting weird, I’m acting weird. You can act weird too.” He said matter-of-factly.

  You sighed. “But that’s just the thing. Donnie lost their body. You lost your past. What the hell did I lose? …You know, aside from my friends…and family…and my old life…but you guys lost that too!”

  “I really didn’t. You can’t miss what you don't remember, right?” Raph said with a hollow laugh. “I have no Old World. No old connections. The world we’re in now is basically all I’ve ever known, so if anything, I’ve lost…the least.”

  You stared at him, a discomforting sense of horror in your eyes. You raised your hands as if to set them on his shoulders, but then lowered them instead. 

  “Raph…Fuck. No! You’ve lost everything! Like, way more than I have! At least I still have good memories to go back to, o-of you, of Chompy, of Leo and Casey and Mikey and April…of Mona, Raph, I still have memories of Mona, and you don’t even have that…” You wiped your eyes with your scarf and shook your head. “Shit, man. We’re all going through hell, I shouldn’t bother comparing it.”

  “Yeah….yeah. That’s a good way of lookin’ at it.” Raph sighed.

  “...Who's Mona?” He asked lightly, after a beat of silence.

  You smiled slightly. “Mona Lisa? She’s this really awesome Salamandrian who we met in space.”

  “We went to space?!” Raph said, eyes widening.

  “Yup. It was very convoluted… Anyways, we both had this ridiculous crush on her…she was so cool. She could beat us at fighting easily, but she also was so sweet…ahhh, what a woman.” You said, perking up a bit more. “Anyways, at least she’s safe…She’s in space.”   

  “What else have you guys not told me about my life?!” Raph exclaimed.

  “I promise I’ll tell you everything once life has calmed down a bit, but there is some stuff that I genuinely believe is too much for you right now.” You shrugged.

  “Well it’s my memories, so I don’t think that’s for you to decide.” Raph frowned.

  You opened your mouth, glaring at him, before deflating. “...I…you’re right. It is your memories, Raph. You do deserve the truth. But the truth isn’t always easy or fun or any of that so can we make a compromise?”

  He gestured for you to go ahead.

  You squeezed your hands. “I’ll tell you what you need to know, and if you figure stuff out on your own- which is highly likely- I’ll give ya more details. Deal?” You held out your hand.

  Raph sighed. This was probably the best he was gonna get from you.

  …Also…what was with the hand? 

  Raph frowned, staring at your hand, and took it awkwardly. “Deal?”

  You blinked.

  He blinked.

  “Raph why are you still holding my hand?” You coughed.

  “Oh, was I supposed to-”

  “-Let go, yeah, this is a handshake.”

  “-Weird. You guys are weird.”

  “You still haven’t let go?” You said, but you were smiling.

  Would it be weird if he said he kinda didn’t wanna? Holding your hand felt nice…

  “Uh- right.” He grunted, wrenching his hand out of yours.

***

Day 16.

  “Well, I think we’re all set to go upstate.” Donnie said as he finished checking over the items Raph and you had taken.

  “Cool.” You said softly.

  You’d talked about going upstate for the past two weeks, but as Donnie closed the power-cell powered freezer box, it finally hit you that you were leaving. 

  Like leaving leaving. 

  It wasn’t like there was much of a choice. New York was dangerous, more now than before. You and Raph had even wound up in a mild tussle as you made your way back to the Shellraiser last night.

  There were too many scared humans and animals that had gained sentience and horrifying mindless creatures that looked like body-horror inspired abominations to go anywhere without a fight. And frankly, none of you wanted to deal with that.

  And it didn’t help that Donnie’s sensors weren’t picking up on any habitable land in the general radius. You were sure he wasn’t telling you everything, but he had mumbled something about the soil being full of toxic chemicals and unable to maintain life among…other things.

  Essentially, New York City was dying. But maybe if you were all lucky, the farmhouse would be habitable.

  By which you meant…with good soil. It’d be really really nice if you guys could just…plant seeds for food and hang out there for the rest of eternity. Nice, but unlikely, if you were realistic. Still. It was a spot of hope. 

  Raphael stared at you mournfully as you and Donnie finished preparing the Shellraiser. He did that a lot now, and it always stung about the same- he wanted to remember you, but to him, you were a stranger. 

  You hated feeling like a stranger around the person who’d been closer to you than anyone ever back in the Before Times. 

  Not that you’d told him much. You thought there was kinda a power imbalance now, since you knew so much about Raph and he now knew so little about you. He was vulnerable, and you, being one of the ones who had saved him, had a bit more sway over him than you felt comfortable with. 

  He was catching onto you though, you could see that. He’d understandably demanded answers last night, and although you’d agreed to his terms, you were dreading it. Because how could you tell him that he had been your boyfriend if he didn’t even know who you were? Worse, would he feel like he had to immediately go back to that just to make you feel better?

  You’d described your relationship to him as ‘best friend’, which was more accurate, honestly, considering both you and Raph had been a bit odd around romance, but still. It would probably be more to take in than he could handle right now…

  “So. We ready to get this tin can on the road?” You said finally, leaning over Donnie’s shoulder as they stepped away from the newly pumped tires. 

  “...I believe so.” Donnie said proudly, patting the side of the car. 

  And with that, you gave New York City one final good-bye.

  “Seeya, New York…you were one hell of a town to live in. We….had a lotta fun here.” You said, leaning against the Shellraiser to stare at the cityscape.

  “Goodbye pigeons and manholes and starless skies. I-I’ll miss you.” Donnie said fondly, leaning next to you.

  “And I’ll miss pizza gyoza, my fire escape- heck, I’ll even miss Shredder’s lair and TCRI.” You grinned.

  “What a town.” Donnie said, nodding.

  "Hey guys, this is real sweet, but it’s getting dark.” Raph grunted, poking his head out the door. “Let’s get this freakshow on the road.”

  “...Okay.” You said with a rueful smile.

  “...Yeah, we’re coming.” Donnie sighed, and the two of you headed into the Shellraiser.

***

  By the time the sun had set, you had left the city.

  Raph sat in the passenger seat, eating dry pasta like a heathen, and Donnie sat in the roof hatch running his scanners. You weren’t exactly expecting that he’d find anything positive though.

  As you silently drove up the road, you took note of a few things- first off, there were trees out here, at least. Dead trees, but still trees rather than alien shapes that had loomed over you in New York, which was some relief.  

  Secondly…there was no sign of life. The only noise you had heard since leaving New York was the quiet hum of the Shellraiser’s engine, punctuated by Raphael’s crunching on his fucking dry pasta. (Seriously, that stuff could not be good for his digestive system…)

  Thirdly…your hopes of finding an oasis in all of this were running as dry as the land around you. 

  New York was dead, and Earth wasn’t following too far behind it. 

  Donnie clambored back down from the top lookout with a heavy sigh. 

  “So Doc, what’s the diagnosis?” You said dryly, no bothering to turn around. “Lemme guess- we’re doomed?”

  “Well, my sensors have picked up nothing but toxic chemicals and mutagen. There's no living organic plant forms for miles. I’m not picking up on the signatures of Casey, April, Leo, Mikey, Karai, the Mutanimals, or the (L/N)s. I don’t think the Earth will ever heal from this, and our tech has been basically thrown back to the dark ages.” He paused to heave an even more dramatic sigh, before saying “So does that answer your question?” cheerfully.

  You whistled. “Ouch. So we are doomed.”

  Raph crunched on his pasta and glanced up. “Great. That’s….real great.”

  “Raph, are you eating straight up uncooked tortellini?!” Donnie said, gagging.

  Raph smirked and crunched louder, and you cringed at the sound. 

  “Ugh, must you do that?”

  “It tastes good.” He said innocently.

  “Well don’t come to me for help when you get a stomachache.” Donnie said, disgusted.

  You snorted, and refocused on the road as Donnie continued to complain about Raph’s apoca-licious eating habits.

  Because hey. Maybe you were just headed towards certain doom upstate. Maybe Raph would never remember the past. Maybe the fucking planet was mutated beyond recognition…But hey.

  At least you were with your best friends. 

  Heck, if you ignored the metallic tremor in Donnie’s voice and made Raph’s ever so slightly gentler, you could pretend that this was just another peaceful road trip. Just another night of smiling at Dee and Rafa’s antics, of choosing to unsubtly egg them on, of talking till morning with Raph about shit like life and the future and insecurities, comforting each other in that sweet way the two of you always had.

  Yeah, yeah. You’d pretend it was a night like that.

  And for a bit, you’re nearly convinced that when you woke up tomorrow, everything would be alright.

***

Day 17.

  Everything was not entirely alright.

  The farmhouse was devoid of people, and was shrouded in suspiciously pink clouds that hung lower than clouds usually did. Donnie scanned the air though and only got the usual amount of toxic chemicals, so you guys reluctantly decided it was safe.

  “Woah, looks like this place already got picked clean.” You winced, glancing around the main room. It was mostly empty- everything from the furniture to the photos on the wall had been taken.

   The stairs however, had caved in, but with the help of your grappling hook, you made your way to the top without too much effort.

  The top of the house, by comparison, was full of the homey clutter that you had grown to expect from the healing place. Just being there, surrounded by everyone’s old things and the memories around them, made you breathe a sigh of relief. 

  “Anything up there?” Donnie said from the ground level.

  You smiled, breathing in the air of the place you’d briefly called home. “Everything, Don. Case’s spare eyeliner pens, Leo’s matcha powder, Raph’s forgotten sketchbooks and acrylics…everything.”

  With a bit of effort due to Metalhead’s heavy clunky body, Donnie managed to heave themself upstairs too.

  “Woah. Weird being back here.” He said, and you got the impression that he’d be smiling if they could.

  “How’re ya doin’ down there, Raph?” You said, leaning over the stair rail to see him staring into the living room.

  “I…we watched a dumb cartoon there, right? Uh…Chris Bradford the…Barbarian?” He breathed, as if speaking any louder would shatter his ability to remember.

  You and Donnie glanced at each other, swapping a pair of grins. Well, metaphorically, in Dee’s case.

  “Yeah. Crognard the Barbarian…” You smiled. “But we did watch another show about Chris Bradford!”

  “Awesome, Raph!” Donnie said, pumping their fist.

  “...Cool.” He said softly, putting his hands into the pockets of his jacket. “So…this is the safehouse, then?”

  “Well, ‘safe’ is a strong word…there’s a heck of a lot of danger we got into here last time.” You said, sliding down the stair banister. 

  “Out here in the middle of nowhere?” Raph snorted, turning towards you. “How the hell was this dangerous?”

  “You got mutated into a plant once,” Donnie supplied.

  “Ooh, Bigfoot tried to marry Don,” You grinned.

  “Who’s bigfoot?”

  “This forest cryptid who had a crush on Donnie.” You said with a chuckle.

  “(Y/N), please know that I would be rolling my eyes at you right now if I still had them.” Donnie sighed.

  “I wouldn’t expect anything less.” You said, giving them a mock-salute.

  Raph entered the dining room. “Did anything terrifying happen here?” He said curiously.

  “Hm…Oh yeah. We fought off mutant frogs.” You said, nodding at the memory. “They were all named after conquerors and they hated humans. …One of them talked like Napoleon Dynamite….not that you’d know that reference…”

  “Ha, what?” Raph chuckled. “Our lives sound weird. What other things did we do?”

  “Oh they very much were.” You nodded. “Let’s see…what other shit did we do? Uhm…there was this one time when you got your brain swapped with a kraang, that one was weird.”

  “What exactly is a kraang? You’ve mentioned them before, but…”

  “Oh, right. A kraang looks like- well, here.” You pulled up a photo of a snarling kraang that you’d taken a selfie with. “Voila.”

  “Eww.” Raph cringed. “Why is it like…all goopy and gross?”

  “Evolution, I guess.” You said, wrinkling your nose. “Gnarly, right?”

  “So you’re tellin’ me I got my brain swapped with that thing?!” Raph said incredulously. 

  “Yup. It was pretty freaky seeing your body completely…not-like-you, but hey, we figured it out.” You chuckled.

  “Hey Raph, you might wanna see this!” Donnie said, yelling over the stair rail.

  “Uh, okay…” Raph frowned, heading towards the rope you’d hung over the caved-in stairwell. You followed after him.

  “See, lookit this-” 

  “Hey, this- this is my room!” Raph exclaimed, shoving past Donnie and into the room. “I- I remember this place! I remember sitting there,” He said, pointing at the bed, “And coming this way-” He spun out of the room and down the hall to the bathroom- “And-....oh.” He frowned, opening the bathroom door. “I…I get the weird feeling that somethin’....happened here, huh?” He said softly.

  You winced, reaching to put a hand on his shoulder, before thinking better of it. “Yeah. This is where Leo…was in his coma.”

  “...You sat with him every day, Raph, ‘till he healed.” Donnie said gently.

  Raph nodded. “Ha. I…ah…don’t remember that.”

  “Well, you did remember your room, and a piece of your old daily routine, so I’d say this is a win! Robo-high-three!” Donnie said cheerfully, holding up their hand.

  Raph wrinkled his snout “Uh…okay…” He held up his own hand, mirroring theirs,  staring at them with an awkward shrug. “Hello, three? Uh…satisfied?”

  Donnie lowered his hand. “...I shoulda seen that one coming.”

  Raph rolled his eyes, shoving his hand back into his pocket. “Whatever, Don. What was it you called me up here for, anyways?”

  “Your old sketchbook! I know you have the one from the lair, but this one  is full of all the stuff you did here!” Donnie said excitedly, handing Raph the book.

  Raph shrugged and accepted it, flipping through the pages. “Woah. These are pretty nice.” He said, starting to smile a bit.

  “Ooh, can I see?” You asked hopefully.

  “Sure.” Raph nodded, angling the book so you could see the art too.

  This page was full of the planning-stage-sketches for what you recognized to be the painting he’d done on the party van.

  “Oh dude, these rock.” You grinned.

  “Yeah…I just hope I’ll be able to…y’know.” He clenched his hand, giving it a sad stare. “Do them again someday.”

***

Day 20.

  “Well ladies and gentlefolk, turtles and others, I have gathered you all here today to present…The Donbot V.1!” Said Donnie, staring into the mirror. 

    It was a pretty nice design, if they did say so themself. It was taller than Metalhead’s model had been, standing at his usual height of 5 '6-to-5' 8-ish, and was made of a dark green steel he had salvaged back in the city. In a burst of inspiration, they had added purple accent lights.

  For the first time in days, they didn’t feel so wrong about looking into the mirror. The face that stared back at him wasn’t his, really, but it was…closer. The blank face felt somehow more comfortable than Metalhead’s imitation-turtle one.

They shook their head, chuckling to themself slightly. If only he were presenting his invention to a crowd of scientifically minded peers instead of to his friend and his brother. Then he might prepare something flashy and exciting, presentation-wise. 

  But alas, it was the end of the world.

  So instead, he simply glanced at themself one more time before leaving the bathroom, revealing his new body without any fanfare.

  You patted his shell and said they looked ‘rad as hell’. Raph shot him a wary look, but it went away fast, and soon enough Raph was congratulating him too- albeit, with a bit of mild confusion.

  Ironically, the brother that would have once understood better than anyone what it feels like to be in a body you don’t want….just happened to be the brother who had recently forgotten that he usually had dysphoria. 

  Donnie supposed that in a post apocalyptic world where gender was so irrelevant that Raph hadn’t even realized he was trans, it wouldn’t even occur to Raph to be dysphoric. (Hm. Maybe the end of the world had its good sides!)

  But secretly, selfishly, a twisted part of Donnie wished that Raph was still in the state of mind to relate to them. It was unfair, and a cruel thing to wish on his brother. Logically, Donnie knew that. But maybe a part of them wanted to just…feel a little bit more understood. Less like an alien. 

  It wasn’t like he didn’t notice the way you and Raph flinched when he entered the room, looking at them like he was some- some thing. Some freak. Maybe a cruel voice in the pits of his now-wire-filled stomach whispered things about how much he wished Raph remembered how it felt, how much a part of him wished you had been mutated in the explosion  so someone, anyone would understand the soul-crushing loneliness of not being in the right body-

  Shit. That was dark. Maybe he was losing more of his humanity than he’d initially theorized-

  Donnie swallowed their thoughts and opened the fridge, only to close it again upon remembering that he was physically incapable of eating,

***

Day 21.

  “AAAAUGHH!” Raph screamed, dropping to his knees on the dead grass. He threw his arms around his stomach- something in his guts felt like something had crawled in there and died and oh shit was this that girl thing?

  “Raph! Are you okay?!” Said Donnie, dropping his bo staff and rushing over.

  “Ow- ow- shit- Donatello, I-I gotta take a -oh- a -ow- a break from practicin’.” Raph grunted, using Donnie’s arm to pull himself up. 

  Time to go fucking deal with this now, he supposed. Just what his stupid life needed right now.

***

Day 24.

  “AAAAIIIEEE!” Raph screeched, chucking the stupid fucking salad prongs across the room.

  “Raph! Dude!” You snapped. “Look, I know you’re frustrated but ya can’t expect to get it right the first time!”

  “Well it’s NOT my first time using sais, is it? Aren’t I supposed to have some kinda muscle memory or whatever?!” He snapped back.

  “Raph, bud, bear with me- you lost your memory, hon’.” You sighed. “You gotta be patient with yourself.”

  “Maybe my self needs to hurry up already.” Raph said, crossing his arms. 

  See, it would be one thing if he’d entirely forgotten how to use his sais. But the thing was- he did remember. He remembered the feeling of their leather, he remembered spinning them and smirking at himself in the bathroom mirror, he remembered holding them in his fists and destroying things and how satisfying it was- but he couldn’t do those things anymore.

  It was just as fucking pointless to try as drawing had been.

  Shit, there were tears in his eyes.

  “You okay, Rafa?” You said gently, doing that annoying thing you did where you reached for him. He always let himself hope that you would actually follow through with it this time…he wasn’t sure why, exactly, but it always felt like a stab to his metaphorical heart everytime you lowered your hand instead of patting him on the shoulder or squeezing his hand or giving him a hug or anything oh good lord he’d take anything- You lowered your hand again, and yet again he felt something shatter in his chest. (Why did he still bother to hope? He’d just thrown his sais in anger. Of course you were nervous around him.)

  He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, whatever, (Y/N). I’m fine.”

  “...Okay…well…I’m here to talk if you need me, y’know?” You said, smiling softly.

  “I don’t wanna talk.” He grumbled. I want a hug, I want warmth, I want someone to say everything is gonna be okay-

  You nodded, staring at him sadly. “...Okay.”

  You left the makeshift dojo, leaving him alone with the blank walls of what had once been a living room.

  Raph wiped his eyes and glared at your retreating figure, half-aware that his anger was misplaced. It wasn’t like you’d done anything other than be understanding and supportive…but still.

***

Day 25.

  “BACK OFF!” Raph yelled, glaring at the robot.

  “Raph, it’s okay, it’s me, your brother! Donatello!”

  Raph had brothers?

  …No, that didn’t sound right- this robot was probably here to hurt him- a vague memory of fighting a similar robot flashed through his mind, reaffirming his certainty that this thing was bad and dangerous and wanted to hurt him-

  He bit back a whimper as the robot got closer, instead snarling as viciously as he could. “Get away from me ya fucking toaster.”

  The robot stepped back.

  Huh. The…robot stepped back…?

  The robot in his memory shifted into a turtle with a worried look on his face and a gap in their teeth and a purple mask.

  Donatello.

  Oh…right. This was Donatello. His brother. He was at the farmhouse with you and Donatello….Donatello who was a robot now.

  “Shit.” Raph mumbled, staring at the robot that was Donatello. “I…I did it again, huh?” 

  “RAPH! DEE! Jeez, are you guys okay?! I heard yellin’ and-'' You said, slamming the door open. The kitchen door. Raph was in the kitchen. The farmhouse kitchen.

  “Just…another incident. Don’t worry about it.” Raph muttered sullenly, wiping the spit off his mouth that he must’ve gotten from all the animalistic hissing.

  “Ah.” You said. “Are you both…okay then?”

  Donnie nodded wordlessly, ducking out of the room with his head down and shoulders slumped.

  Raph scowled, hugging his knees to his chest. “Same as I usually am, I guess.”

  “So…not great?” You frowned.

  “Not great.” He confirmed.

  “Ah.” You leaned forwards hesitantly, hand outstretched. 

  This time Raph didn’t even flinch when you inevitably lowered it and followed Donatello out of the room. He just shoved his face into his kneepads and tried really hard not to cry.

***

  Donnie slipped outside, staring out at the wasteland that used to be a forest.

  Raph had forgotten him again. 

  Honestly, they didn’t know why it hurt so much. It wasn’t the first or even the second or third time Raph had forgotten him…but Raph went into the feral mode around Donnie way more than he did around you. 

  And logically, Donnie knew exactly why that was. You looked the same as you always did, albeit more battered and less smiley, while he, Donnie, looked entirely different. He was entirely different. 

  His sensors picked you up behind him on the porch.

  “Hey.” They said glumly.

  “Hey Dee.” You said, sitting on the porch steps next to him.

  “I don’t think the world will ever heal again, (Y/N).” Donnie said softly. 

  Your eyes grew glossy (although maybe they already had been), and you looked away from them. “...I know.”

  “I miss everyone so much.” He whispered.

  “Me too.” 

  “Casey and I first became friends in that barn…April kissed me by the stump…” He said, trailing off. He put a hand on his face, remembering where Casey had first kissed him. That had also been at the farmhouse…

  God, they missed Casey and April.

  You nodded. “Me and Raph once buried a dead turtle over there…it used to be the prettiest part of the yard.” You said bitterly, pointing towards the spot where the pond had been just a month ago. Now it was reduced to another patch of dry, dying grass.

  “So it was a turtle? I thought you guys killed someone.” Donnie said, only half joking- They remembered vaguely how he’d walked in on Leo lecturing a guilty-looking you and Raph on ‘honorability’ one morning. They’d glanced outside to see a suspicious grave outside that hadn’t been there the night before, and put two and two together…nice to know that it was just an unmutated turtle.

  “Yeah…Raph thought it was like, a blow to his masculinity or something to tell you guys that he cared about animals.” You said with a snort. 

  “Well that’s stupid, we all know he loved animals. He was like a Disney princess around them.” Donnie said, shaking their head. 

  “Yeah…very true.” You smiled. 

  “What do you plan on doing about your whole….thing with Raph, anyways?” They said, changing the subject in hopes of distracting their thoughts from existential dread.

  You sighed, running a hand down your face. “Fuck, man. I don’t know. Like…I love him so much, but it’s not fair for me to right now. He’s vulnerable and scared and doesn’t even know who we are half the time…how can I put the pressure of a relationship, or even the implications of a past relationship, on him right now? That’s just…so unfair. Plus, we’re the only people he has right now. What if he thinks not liking me will mean us…like, kicking him out or something fucked up like that? What if he tries to force himself to feel the same just out of guilt? What if-”

  “Well first off, overthinking things? That’s my job, stay outta my turf.” Donnie teased. You smiled slightly. “Secondly- who says you have to tell him? Because you really don’t.”

  “Well, he’s not dumb, Don- he’s figured out that I’m hiding something.” You said dryly.

 “Are you though? Because I’m pretty sure you’ve been fairly honest about things- he’s your best friend. He always was. Just say ‘yeah we were like close or something’, you know? It’s not like you guys ever kissed or anything, at least not much, so it’s not much of a stretch.” Donnie suggested.

  You nodded. “Yeah…I guess you’re right…who knew you were so good with relationship advice?”

  “Nah, I just know you and Raph pretty well.” He chuckled.

  You smiled, putting an arm around his shoulders in a side hug. “Thanks Don.”

  “Hey, thanks for distracting me from my existential dread.” They snorted, hugging you back.

***

  Day 35.

  “What if I can’t feel feelings?” Said Donnie, lying awake next to you.

  “Hnnghh…Go to sleep Donnie.” You grunted, pulling your blanket tighter around your shoulders.  It may have been more secure and safe to have all three of you stationed in the Shellraiser rather than the house, but man, between Raph’s snoring and Donnie’s shitty sleep schedule that you knew full well he had programmed himself to have, it certainly made sleeping hard.

  “But what if this is all a dream! What if I died and this is a severely messed up dream I’m having in my last few minutes of life?”

  “Shut up Donatello.” Raph groaned, trying to muffle Don’s voice with a blanket.

  “What if I'm in a coma and I’m dreaming this and the Earth is actually fine?”

  “Go to sleep, broooo…” You moaned, covering your ears with a pillow.

  “I don’t usually go into sleep mode for another…mmm…two hours.” Donnie said. “Damn…sleep mode! (Y/N), I’m not a person anymore, am I?!”

  “Donatello. Buddy. Pal. I love you dearly. You are a beautiful,  fantastic, brilliant person. Let me fucking sleep.” You hissed.

  “...Mmm…Okay. G’night.” There was a click, and Don-bot powered down.

  “Oh thank god.” Raph grunted, shoving his face into his pillow.

  He proceeded to snore incredibly loudly.

  You groaned. 

***

  You blinked your eye open at the sudden silence.

Raph had somehow wound up with his arms tightly wrapped around your arm in his sleep. He was shivering, which made sense considering the cold.

  You were tempted to pry him off so that he wouldn’t be awkward or uncomfortable when he woke up. But he looked so peaceful, and you missed this…

  Plus you were too tired to do anything. So maybe you’d let him stay…

  You’d pry him off before morning though.

***

Day 37.

  Raph was pretty sure that Past Raph had had the hots for you. He’d finished reading through his old sketchbook, and it was full of little paragraphs in the margins and crossed out text where he could just barely make out the word ‘(Y/N)’. 

  He supposed it made sense. He may not have remembered too much of his life, but he had a decent recollection of what pretty people looked like- and you definitely fit that category. Plus, you were funny and cool and sweet….not that it mattered much nowadays. 

  After all, Past Raph and Current Raph’s circumstances were vastly different. So maybe a part of him was tempted to bug you for more info…but he knew enough to just let it be. 

  That was the Old World. 

  In the New World, trivial things like relationship status mattered very little. 

  (Still, was it really asking so much to have someone who’d hug him? Was he so wrong to wish for a hand on the shoulder once or twice, the way you always were in those goddamned photos?)

  (Meh, probably.)

  He hugged himself, staring up at the ceiling. 

  “Oh hey, you’re awake!” You grinned, poking your head into the Shellraiser. “Mornin’ Sleeping Beauty! Breakfast is inside if you want it.”

  Raph sat up slowly. “Okay…”

  “How’re you doing?” You said as you led him across the yard. It was still cold and dark out, and Raph shivered.

  “...Tired.” He grunted.

  “Understandable.” You nodded. “I’ve been pretty tired too, but it’s so hard to sleep when it’s so freakin’ cold at night and like, a million degrees the instant the sun rises.” You complained, passing him a plate of eggs from the remaining unmutated chickens. 

  “Says you, the one who's warm-blooded.” Raph teased.

  “Oh shit, you must be so cold at night!” You said, seeming to have just remembered that Raph was a reptile. 

  “Freezing.” Raph nodded. 

  “Maybe Don can build a heat lamp!” You suggested. “They’re still in sleep mode right now, but we can ask when he wakes up.”

  Raph perked up. “Wait, that exists?”

  “Yeah, shit- I can’t believe I didn’t think of that like…forever ago. I guess I forgot that you’re cold-blooded…and now that Donnie is…non-blooded, it must’ve slipped their mind too…I’m so sorry Rafa!” You exclaimed.

  “Wait. So this WHOLE TIME I could’ve NOT frozen my tail off every night?!” Raph groaned.

  You shrugged weakly. “...Yup.

  “This is so stupid.” He sighed, stabbing his eggs with one of his sais.

  “Dude…you're using that as a fork?” You cringed.

  Raph scowled. “Well it’s not like I know how to use it as a weapon anymore.”

  “But…but…Raph you have stabbed through people with those! There is no way that that’s even slightly sanitary!” You squeaked.

  He shrugged and ate his breakfast off the end of the sai. 

  You looked ill. “You are… such a teenage boy. Please stop.”

  He sighed but swapped the sai for a fork. “Okay, okay. Jeez.”

  “Thank you.” You groaned, patting his shoulder unconsciously.

  And suddenly it felt like his brain had short circuited.

  Oh god, he remembered you. 

  How could he have ever forgotten you?! All the memories shot into his brain at record speed- sitting on a fire escape with your arm around his shoulders, spray painting the side of TCRI, making fun of Casey and Donnie’s crushes on April, beating up bad guys, the look on your face- that toothy grin that you never ever wore theses days, a familiar hand resting comfortingly on his shoulder- and oh god, he remembered you!

  “I- I…(F/C)!” He gasped. You jerked your hand away guiltily, but he caught it before you could. “(Y/N). Your favorite color is (F/C)!”

  “W-what?” You said, eyes wide.

  “(Y/N) I remember! I-I remember you! Not everything probably, but- but I remember you!” He exclaimed, gripping your hands in his.

  Your eyes widened even further. “Raph, you- what?!”

  He grinned and hugged you to his chest as tightly as he could. Tentatively, you relaxed into it, rubbing his shell gently.

  “I remember you!” He exclaimed. 

  You nodded, still looking baffled. “Like…what?”

  “I remember how we met- I fell onto your fire escape! A-and I remember eating breakfast here with you and talking about…well, something, probably, but it was definitely here at this table! And I remember…I had this pet turtle, right? I think his name was…Slash? No! Spike! Slash was the mutant…? Whatever! I remember you sitting….uh…there, by that broken window, and I drew this picture!” He grinned, holding up a page in his sketchbook. It was a portrait of you, with soft shading and a bold outline. 

  “Woah, Raph?! You just- remember all this?!” You said, still staring in disbelief.

  “Bits and pieces, yeah- I think it was ‘cause you…you know, touched me. It’s like…muscle memory? I dunno. Might hafta ask Donnie…”

  “Raph!” You grinned, hugging him tightly. “I just- wow! This is so cool, I-”

  “Woah, are we interrupting somethin’?” Said a familiar voice.

  You and Raph jolted into defensive positions, hopping up to face the person-

  And then your brain seemed to short-circuit.

  “Casey?” You squeaked. “CASEY!”

  “(Y/N)! RAPH! Dude I can’t believe we finally found you!” Casey shrieked just as loud, diving in to grab you and Raph in a messy group hug.

  You grinned, hugging your friends close. “Casey Jones, I’m so glad you’re okay- fuck man, I thought you must’ve gotten kraang-ifed…”

  Raph pulled away, staring at Casey. “You’re…the skeleton dude- Casey Jones?”

  “Uh, no duh- who else would I be?! Casey Jones is in the flesh babeeyy!” He grinned, pumping his fist.

  “Raph…uh…hit his head in the mutagen bomb, Case’.” You mumbled, and Casey’s grinning facade shattered.

  “Oh. Shit.” He said, staring at Raph. “Do you remember…like…anything?”

  Raph shrugged dejectedly. “...Some of it. I remember…you and I would spray paint, I think? I remember a lotta (Y/N) apparently…I’ve got some vague recollections of Donatello, mostly their nerd-stuff…”

  “Jeez man. That’s…depressing as fuck.” Casey said, blunt as he’d always been.

  “Yeah.” Raph grunted.

  “So…is it just you?” You asked, fearing the worst.

  “Naw, I just found you guys first.” Casey  smiled. “Red n’ Angel are searching upstairs…but I hear them coming down right….now.” He said, nodding right as the sound of two people tripping and falling off the treacherous stair-rope Donnie had installed.

  “Oooh.” You and Casey winced.

  “How ‘bout you? Any sign of the others? …Where’s Donnie?” Casey’s voice lowered for the latter, in an anxious tremor.

  “Dee’s….fine. They just…look different than they did last time…you saw them. And…they’re pretty insecure about it.” You mumbled.

  “Casey! Casey, we found evidence of someone upstairs- (Y/N)?! Raph!” April said, running into the kitchen as she noticed you. “You guys are here!”

  “C’mon O’Neil, rule one of bein’ a ninja is ‘Don’t ever question the vague instructions you get from graffiti’. Didja ever doubt it?” You teased, grinning.

  “I-I was so worried, guys! I thought that since my psychic powers stopped working-”

  “Woah, how’d that happen?”

  “Too many big auras now. They’re impossible to tell apart…trying just gives me a headache.” April explained. “But I thought it meant that you might’ve been dead…” She whispered, and Casey put an arm around her shoulders.

  “Woah. So this is your turtle, Case’?” Said a new voice, and a teenage cat mutant leaned into the kitchen. “Hi.”

  Raph only grunted in response, and the cat mutant that must’ve been Angel nodded. “Fair.”

  “So where is Dee then?” Casey said.

  “Shellraiser. In…uh…sleep mode.” You said. “I’ll go get him…but would you guys mind…shit this sounds wimpy. But could you guys…come with me?” You muttered. A part of you was 100% convinced that the instant you left them they would all fade away.

  But Casey, who would usually make fun of you for such a childish request, slung his other arm around your shoulders- and you realized he probably felt exactly the same. 

  “Sure thing.” He said, smiling softly.

  “Thanks guys.” You beamed.

  You were finally smiling the way you did in the photographs.

  Raph couldn’t help but smile too. 

***

  When Donnie woke up from sleep mode on Day 37 of the Mutant Apocalypse, he was greeted by four familiar faces- two of which were the only faces he’d seen at all in the past month, and two of whom were what convinced him that they were probably somehow dreaming. 

  But they were a robot, and dreaming wasn’t physically possible anymore.

  So that meant this must, somehow, be real.

  “Hey Donnie.” Said April, smiling at him, and he wanted to cry even though he didn’t have eyes.

  “‘Sup Don.” Said Casey, grinning his gap-toothed grin that looked so much like Donnie’s old one.

  “You’re here.” Donnie whispered, feeling his new antennae shoot up. “Holy chalupa you’re HERE?!” 

  You smiled, helping him up. “Hey Dee, I forgot to tell ya- we’ve got company.”

  Donnie stared at the humans. They were here. He had so many questions, but most importantly-

  “D’you guys like the new look?” He chuckled, only half joking.

  Casey shrugged. “It’s different, but it looks metal as fuck.”

  “Yeah that’s ‘cause it is metal, ya meathead.” Said Raph, smiling.

  “It looks so cool Dee.” April said, smiling warmly. 

  Donnie really really wished they could still emote right about now, because the dopey grin that they would have grinned for that was unreal.

***

Day 40.

  You and Raph lay on the roof of the farmhouse, watching the red sun set, leaving the sky that weird glowing purple color that it had begun to adopt.

  (It really did remind you of some of those old Space Heroes episodes.) 

  “I really miss the stars.” You said lightly. “But I guess this is sorta pretty too, huh? In like…a weird way.”

  “Hey, isn’t that true for all of this shit?” Raph said. “I really miss the stuff in those photos, those glimpses I get of the life we had before…but hey. In a weird…sort of fucked up way…this life is kinda nice too. Don’t get me wrong. It’s really frustrating, I hate my brain most of the time, and I’m like 90% convinced that I’ll never really be the same person…but at least I’m not alone in it, y’know?” He sighed.

  You took his hand, squeezing it gently, and he squeezed back, and continued. “I’ve got you and Donnie. I guess now I’ve got Casey, Angel, and April too, and if they survived, who's to say my brothers didn’t?”

  You nodded. “Yeah…I guess if we’re out here on this road to nowhere, there’s no one who I’d rather have on my side.” You chuckled half-heartedly. “Still sucks though.”

  “Yeah, it really does.” Raph agreed.

  You smiled and pulled him into a side hug, suddenly swallowed by bittersweet nostalgia for those days when the biggest threat was Shredder.

  But hey, Raph had a point. 

  At least the outcome, well perhaps a huge downgrade from the breathtaking beauty of the stars, was still sorta pretty.

  At least you were on the road to nowhere together.

***

Author's note: I am so glad that Mutant Apocalypse was made into an AU. If it had wound up as the canon ending, that would be...messed up, man. But I like it as an AU, and I hope you've enjoyed journeying through it with me- it's a sad sad ride, but boy did I have fun writing it.

#tmnt x reader #tmnt 2012 x reader #reader insert #gender neutral reader #gn!reader #tmnt raph x reader #tmnt 2012 raph x reader #raph x reader #tmnt 2012 raph #2k12 raph x reader #2k12 raph #mutant apocalypse #tmnt apocalypse au #trans raph

[csprslvt]

you and i, and her. pt 4

Chapter three ( see masterlist for previous chapters)

Summary: After Joel's death Ellie tries to deal with grief, anger and revenge. Reader learns that the perpetrator of Joels death is in fact her past lover Abby Anderson and reader starts a plan to find Abby before Ellie. Betrayal is indefinite but who will reader choose? Her best friend or her ex-lover?

Warnings: loss, aftermath of major character loss, angry Ellie, violence mentioned, sexual references.

When Ellie cried, not able to leave her bed plagued by dreams, re-living the site of Joel’s bloody death, you stayed by her side.

It got to the point where you never left her cabin. You'd resorted to sleeping on her floor, just so she wasn't alone. The last thing she wanted was to be alone. Sometimes she was angry, she would scream and shout and want to fight, but you knew she was just hurting. Other times she would cry and at certain points, what you considered the worst points she wouldn't talk or move at all. She would just lay in bed, staring at the ceiling.

During one of these episodes you were sitting on her bed, rubbing her shoulders and stroking her hair. She firmly pushed your hands away and sat up.

“Ellie?”

“I want to kill her.”

“Ellie, I understand but-”

“No! No, you don't, you don't know what it was like to see him like that! I cant get it out of my head, everyday all I can think of is how I wont be able to sleep, to eat, to fucking live If  I know shes out there, getting away with it.”

“Ellie,”

“Listen, if you dont support me then leave. I'll be gone tomorrow and I'll find her”

You paused.

“Ellie, I’ll always support you”

She looked into your eyes, searching to see if your words were true. 

She relaxed.

“Okay, tomorrow we are leaving. I’ll take care of getting supplies before you wake up, I won't be able to sleep anyway”

“Ellie”

You took her hands, she gave in to your touch in an instant, she reveled in it. She adored every part of you she could get, even though you hid a lot of you, she would gladly enjoy every moment she was given. 

“I just…If this will make you okay again, I'll help you. I just don't think-.”

“If you're going to tell me some bullshit about how killing her won't bring Joel back don't bother, because I know. It's not like that I just want to hurt her how she hurt me”

You sighed, still grasping Ellie’s hands.

“Okay. I'm with you”

“You’ll come with me?”

“I'd follow you anywhere.” 

Ellie nodded, “Okay, sleep, we have a long way ahead of us.”

“Do you have a lead?”

“I think so, Tommy was telling me about the WLF? Washington liberation front? They Are located in Seattle-”

Your blood ran cold, Washington, Seattle, Abby.

“Seattle.”

“That's where they're located. I'm going to find that bitch and kill everything she has. I’ll save her for last and make her suffer”

“Her?”

“Yea, it was a women, tall, blond, built like an ox” 

Oh shit

Oh fuck!

Fucking christ Abby why did you kill Joel! There has to have been a reason. With her there was always a reason no matter how little it was, there was always a reason.

But it was Joel, Joel who saved you from being killed, Joel who always did his best to help Ellie even when she didnt want him too, Joel whose past haunted him in his sleep, Joel whom you smiled at passing every morning. Joel who was such a big part of Ellie’s world.

“Are you sure it was her?”

“I watched her bring a golf club to his head, I watched her tear him apart” The expression on Ellie’s face was once filled with terror, but now it only portrayed true rage.

Your hands trembled a little bit but Ellie didn't notice, she was too caught up in her revenge plan to seem to realize your panic. And for that, you were grateful.

What would she think of you now? Knowing that you loved the perpetrator of Joel’s painful demise. What would she do if she saw that locket inside, how happy you looked hoisted on Abby’s  shoulders? How would she react if you told her the person you missed the most was the same individual that had ruthlessly murdered Joel?

“Ellie, let's just try and sleep right now. We don't know when it’ll happen again”

“I’ll try”

That night, the two of you had fallen into a restless slumber. Dreams haunted Ellie, but with you, only memories came and filled your senses with the scent of pine. 

The WLF base was cold in the winter, but you didn't mind. Half the time you were wrapped up in your girlfriend's arms and when she was out training or patrolling or doing whatever it was when she disappeared you were out training yourself.

The endless workouts kept you strong, calm, collected, and warm. It was a hobby you picked up from her, though you didn't train nearly as intensely as she did you were proud of your progress and so was she.

One day though she didn't return at her normal time, like she’d always promised. You wasted no time, grabbing your steel toe boots and shotgun, axe hanging from your bag on your side. You were determined to find her.

After all, she was all you had.

The sun went down and it got colder, but still you didn't care. Abby would never stay out this long without you. Something was off.

You kept your eyes peeling spotting a horde of infected, and your girlfriend fighting them off in the center

Breathing in, you aimed the shotgun, far enough that they wouldn't know where you came from.

The first bullet struck at the head of a runner that abby was cornered by

“Gotcha, you fucker”

Abby jumped a bit at noise, the bullet barely missed her head. She looked at the source and you waved and continued shooting from a distance, once the numbers had depleted you ran down to offer hand to hand help.

“Hey babe. Need some help?”

“Fuck. I had it handled” You plunged your axe into the skull of the infected. It made a revolting squelch you cringed a bit before moving on to another one.

“Sure looked like it”

“Oh shut up!” Abby smiled, still beating the absolute fuck out of another runner

It was kind of hot, her biceps pulsing, veins showing off, blood on her face, sweat dripping down her neck despite the cold weather.

God you have problems.

When it was all over, you had both fallen to the floor, it began to snow. You were panting and then stood up, holding your face up staring at the white sky with your tongue out.

“What the hell are you doing?” Abby questioned with a playful smirk

“Catching snowflakes!”

“That's disgusting, put your tongue away.”

You wiggled your eyebrows at Abby, a smile made its way onto your face.

“You wouldn't have said that…last night” You burst out into laughter at your own stupid joke. Abby groaned, putting her head in her hands, still a teasing smile grew on the corners of her lips.

“Can we stop with the ‘last night’ jokes?”

“ You started them?”

“Yea well i'm finishing”

“Oh yea, I bet you are” 

“Shut up… that sounds bad.”

“What's wrong with finishing?”

“Oh my god, y/n. Shut up”

“ Yes ma'am!”

You awoke in the middle of the night, surprisingly Ellie was fast asleep. You sat up in your sleeping bag, pulling your knees to your chest. Cradling yourself, rocking back and forth in an attempt to self soothe.

Ellie, your best friend was going to try to kill your girlfriend. Or rather, ex-girlfriend? You had never technically broken up, you just… got lost. Abby was somewhere, and you were determined to find her before Ellie did. You couldn't just let her die and if that made you a bad person you were okay with it. You were already a liar, a murderer, a thief, what's one more sin on your conscience?

You got up while Ellie was fast asleep. You tiptoed to the bathroom with your pack, taking off the clothes you'd borrowed from Ellie in your time there and replacing them with sturdy jorts, a belt, and a wife beater. Your belt almost resembled a tool belt, you could holster a pistol in it among other things. You’d wear steel toe boots with a pair of thin socks. You grasped at your locket.

You had to find her before Ellie did and return so she did not have a clue. You'd have to lie a lot but it wasn't the first time.

You snuck out, mindful of the creaky floorboards. Ellie was still knocked out.

Poor thing

You've never felt so conflicted before. What would you even do or say If Ellie found Abby? She wouldn't take the betrayal well; you could tell by the way she looked at you that she was attached. And in a way so were you. But Abby, at one point she was your entire world. You knew that indefinitely, you'd have to pick between the two and though Abby was once your greatest love, she killed someone Ellie adored. 

Fucking idiots.

You wandered out, in the midst of the night with a few hours of darkness left. You went back to where you'd found Ellie passed out on the floor. You felt like a shitty best friend, but you couldn't help it. It wasn't like you could let Abby die. She was strong though, very strong, she would put up a fight and that fact brought you peace. 

Eventually after some digging around in that house, you found it deserted but with things left behind. A bullet casing there, a few loose arrows but what really interested you, was a map. Abby was never really good at covering up her tracks, and she had left you a path right to her. The map was marked up with some sort of colored pencil. You held it carefully, pointing your flashlight at it.

Washington, WLF base and Patrol routes are all marked up…so is Jackson with the words “town?” written on it, you almost smiled, recognizing Abby’s handwriting like it was second nature 

You decided you'd bring the map back with you.

Doing one more look around you discovered photos, polaroids.

One of Abby and Owen, smiling.

Your expression dropped.

There's no way she's associating with him again. And if she was, it was definitely out of desperation. Whatever, you'd fix that.

#ellie x fem reader #abby anderson #abby x reader #abby x fem!reader #sapphic #wlw #eventual smut #slow burn #angst #abby and owen #ellie tlou2 #tlou 2 #tlou masterlist #gaming

[britcision]

So this is pretty much what it looks like when I’m world building with the partner

————

Partner: so I want Evil Tony Stark to have this magic painting of a door that opens into a dark little room to keep my boy in when he’s naughty or inconvenient

Me: oh yes very good. And it’s not like the frame is the door, you open the painting of the door into another dimension

Partner: yeah he’s gotta be able to take it away with him so he can have it on command 😈

Me: okay so how I think this works is he paints the room inside it first to make the interdimensional space, and then paints the door closed over it, so he can paint whatever he wants in the room 🤔

Partner: oh yeah that’s cool, so he can put furniture or a happy little tree in 😋

Me, suddenly vibrating: okay but no he actually paints a Happy Little Tree and it’s just a tree in the corner of this completely dark room that just giggles softly all the time 🫠

Partner: …. And we tell the party as a joke the first time about this old cell the boy was in with a happy lil tree 😏

Me: and then we don’t say anything for like 2 years and then one of them gets put in the dark room and they just hear giggling 🤩

————

Or

————

Partner: okay so Evil Tony Stark mostly uses constructs and stuff for servants so we’ll put the Robotery in the basement for those 🤖

Me: okay, and when y’all go back to the abandoned mansion do you want there to be one left behind? 🙂

Partner: fuck yeah and the boy knows all of them he loves little creatures (and the house mimics) 🥰

Me: and since the boy was intentionally left behind, this is probably a construct that was doing something related to him so it’s probably reasonably aesthetic, yea? Like feeding him or dressing him up? 😇

(The boy was being kept as a pet by Evil Tony Stark because he glows for Fey Reasons and was pretty literally a living sculpture for 11 years and they did not exactly worry about the “living” part much)

Partner: yeah, if Evil Tony Stark is gonna see it around it’s gotta be aesthetic ✨

Me: so you find this cute sweet little construct friend and then you go a little further into the room and just see hundreds of partially or fully deconstructed bodies of this exact little guy and most of them are just minorly different aesthetics because Evil Tony Stark just trashes them when he wants a new look

Also one is still just barely alive and that’s because it’s one of the ones with a person’s soul bound to it and they’ve just been cuddling in the dark for months since they were abandoned 🥰

————

This just happens in the winter okay I become Extremely Fucking Ominous for literally no reason and then it’s Horror Time

Most of our world building is him making cool and interesting places and characters and then me sneaking in sideways like “hey what if they’re also super fucked up 👀”

And to be fair he loves it and he always says yes please and helps me fuck them up more

Anyway we laid the groundwork for Lord Meldacio’s mansion today that the party are gonna get to in a couple weeks and I had so much fun this guy is the fucking bomb

#big gay dnd problems #pasha’s paw patrol #lord meldacio #he was already such a bad guy #and then i got my nasty little fingers into his house #and now it’s a full psychological horror show xoxoxo #the party love my traps #they almost never kill anyone #they just… incapacitate you 🥰 until someone comes to get you 🥰 #edgelords always got some variations on ‘oh i was recreationally tortured i bet i recognise these tools’ #and then i gotta ask them ‘well did you have your skull opened for brain seasoning? can you still move independently?’ #and suddenly they are real quiet and very happy not to know what the tools are #i’m english okay we went to real torture dungeons in real castles on the weekend #if your evil cult wanted you physically capable of moving ever again it really limits the torture options #they also underestimate psychological horrors 🥰 #i live in constant pain. pain isn’t scary #and our edgelords are always so happy when i give them a lil spare psychological torture as a treat 🥰

[askthehiddencaste]

When Starlight Falls

Drabble Characters: Shuska , Tannos Mentioned/in passing: Cerium, Anvala, Serthi, Sallom, Dancer, Tuksei and Marsei (both belong to @pandersbox), and Avonis (belongs to @memurfevur ) Shuska gets a rude awakening

“Thank you for coming to Yggdrasil, have a wonderful night!” Shuska hummed, waving off the last person in her library before closing and locking the door behind them. She let out a soft sigh and turned back to her desk. “Alright everyone. Final clean up! Cerium you’re good to go to your mate’s apartment!” she called out, reaching over to pick up a stack of processed returns to put them away on the nearby shelves. 

Cerium brought a small stack of books up to the front and passed it over to her mother with a small smile. “Thanks for letting me go early mom, we really appreciate it” she hummed. Shuska smiled softly and nodded, carefully taking the books into her own stack and glancing on where they would go before tucking them into different parts of her stack. “You know I don't mind letting you go and have your own life, you’re an adult now after all” she nearly cooed, reaching over and cupping Cerium’s cheek. 

The younger lime coed and nodded, nuzzling that hand and going off to her mate with another soft thank you. Shuska took a deep breath as she left and let that smile fade. Cerium was the last of her children still at the library. Yes Sallom was in the apartment with Avonis and Dancer, but of the ones she had raised on her own? Of the children she had struggled with and fought to keep safe with minimal help?

The lime let out her breath and closed her eyes, turning back to her pile and just staring at it with a frown. Cerium was the last. Anvala? Already making it out in the world for himself. Serthi? She didn't know where he was, still caring for her boy even after what he had done. A mothers love wasn't something that just went away even after something like that after all.  

Shuska would be in her own thoughts for a while while she put things away, managing to avoid her other helpers and answered whatever she could with just a quick message on the phone or shouting down the hall. At the end of cleanup hours, Shuska was going through the different rooms, turning off lights and tidying up the last few things she saw with a soft frown on her lips.

With a quick message to the last few helpers that had stayed past closing for cleaning up, Shuska moved to the front of the library. With a forced smile she let everyone out with a chipper little bye to each till she got to Tannos, the big lug kneeling down and giving his longest friend a tight hug. 

“Shu you look tired…..maybe you should go to bed early tonight yea? ‘M gonna go home myself and spend time with Tuk and Mar….. You’re stressing yourself out so badly you’re getting silvers” he chuckled, just teasing the shorter troll. Tannos stood back up with a soft groan. “Man, I swear you and Tuk both get shorter every sweep” he hummed to himself, reaching up and rubbing the back of his neck. “Anyway, have a good night Shu. ‘m Staying home tomorrow, and I hope you can get some good rest” he offered softly.

With one last pat to the shorter troll’s shoulder, Tannos walked out and allowed Shuska to finally lock the library’s doors. “I’m….getting silvers?” she asked softly, half confused at his words as she made her way back into her own apartment. She was essentially alone tonight, Avonis out exploring the town again and Dancer watching over Sallom as the grub slept.

“I’m…..not old enough to be getting silver hairs” she muttered to herself, wandering through the living room absentmindedly with footsteps that wouldn't be heard even if someone had been listening for her specifically. 37 sweeps old this round. 37 sweeps she had survived: 8 in solitude with her lusus, 5 total aboard Hastrm’s hell ship as a slave, and the rest split up around the library, both Yggdrasil and the one she had watched over prior to its building. At this point 13 sweeps she had lived and raised a set of grubs to be adults.

Through her thoughts, Shuska had managed to wander into her room and stood at the short vanity of her writing desk. Her heart was heavy as she properly looked at herself for the first time in a few weeks. 37 sweeps……

Leaning in, she reached a hand up and ran it against her cheek. The sweeps passing had an effect on her. Once sharper features now softening with age, crows feet dancing alongside dim saddened eyes. “I’m….I-I….” Shuska shakes her head lightly, though it was enough to have a messy bit of hair falling out of her braid and into her face. She took notice of it in the mirror and just stared at the strands like shooting stars through the inky night of her hair.

Silver hairs. Shuska let it settle into silence as she stared at those few silver hairs. She ran on auto-pilot, her hands bringing the braid over her shoulder and brushing it out with her fingers. Now that they’ve been pointed out she couldn't stop seeing the shining scars of her time in this world. The only real scars she could see.

Shuska shook her head and hurried out into the kitchen, digging through the drawers to find her scissors, a decent sharp knife, anything she felt could remove the streaks before bringing her frantic self back to earth with a sharp prick of pain. She had cut herself, that bright curse in her veins slowly welling to the surface  and starting to roll across her palm. 

Mortal. Sometimes it was hard to remember that she was still mortal, though this brought the hard truth to the lime as she pulled back to just watch the gash. She was aging, through it all even with her healing, it wouldn't keep her around forever. “It’s not fair” she whispered to the empty kitchen, eyes welling with tears.

“I finally did things right….I-I finally managed to be happy, to have love and a family….. I…. I’m going to lose it all and everyone will live so much longer than I will” she said softly, the mar to her hand finally taking its cue to try and heal itself though the ability was not what it used to be. 

Shuska took a deep breath, closing her eyes and letting it out slowly before standing and steeling herself. The drawer was closed only for a cabinet to open. She got out a wine glass and frowned at it quietly. She wasn't normally one to drink but at that moment, she needed it.

#shuska #drabble

[skzinka]

👜 ... ⃕ STAY ! NEW INKA CONTENT JUST DROPPED !

# ASK INKA : what's in my bag?

inka : hello guys ! i'm inka from stray kids and i will do the what's in my bag challenge. i always have it with me because i tend to always leave my stuff lying around.. so as soon as i find something that belongs to me, i put it in to store it later. handy, right? my bag is like mary poppins'.

inka : okay so.. let's start !

airpods, charger & phone.

inka : most important things, if you ask me. i really can't live without my phone, as i tend to write a lot in my notes. i must have like over 300 notes in there.. bits of songs, moments of my life that i don't want to forget, feelings.. that sort of thing. and my charger obviously, essential given the rate at which my phone loses its battery.

inka : i also have my airpods, with my super cool box with the effigy of this monster & cie's character, bob razowski. i wanted boo's version, but i was afraid it would be too big.. so i chose this one which i also love.

👤 : what is your song of the moment?

inka : my song of the moment? mhh.. lemme think about it.. i think it's i'm good by bebe rexha and david guetta.

perfume and makeup.

inka : another thing i can't live without, my perfume. i'm completely obsessed with this one. i am used to putting some very often, which makes my bottles empty quickly, but it's nothing because i love the smell of these.

inka took the opportunity to apply two strokes of perfume on her neck, feeling the good smell of the latter invade the room.

inka : ahhh, i really like it.

inka : i know that we have our makeup artists who always do an impeccable job without imperfections, but i like to have minimal makeup with me, just on principle. you never know.. maybe one day something will happen that will make me have to do my makeup alone, i have to be prepared for this situation !

songs notebook.

inka : ah yea. my private notebook. in fact, i have had this notebook for years, it's a bit like my secret diary you know. the pages are filled with song lyrics, song ideas, or little doodles. they sometimes help me to find inspiration and not to forget any of my ideas. speaking of ideas, as they often appear at any time and without warning, i try as much as possible to always have my notebook handy to write them down, otherwise i tend to forget them and regret it later.

wallet and card holder.

inka : my wallet is cute, right? it's kuromi. jeongin gave it to me on my birthday, since then, it hasn't left my bag. it is quite wide, so very practical. plus, i don't like going out without coins and all, so i put the cash in.

inka : and of course my card holder, because one day i lost my credit card by putting it in the pocket of my jeans, so i decided to pay more attention to it and always put it in my bag so i don't lose it again. a very tiring experience.

hand cream and hand sanitizer.

inka : if there must be one thing in all the bags in the world, it's hand sanitizer who never goes out without it's hand cream. with the hard time we've had, and the virus that is still running around, it's important to be careful and disinfect your hands regularly. but the disinfectant often dehydrates your skin much faster, especially with the cold weather, so it is very important to hydrate your skin regularly to avoid any damaged skin. that's what i do, anyway. i hate having sore hands.

inka took the opportunity to do a little booster shot, showing to the camera how to properly apply the cream on the hands.

medications, bandages & pack of tissues.

inka : i'm the type of person who regularly has migraines, and therefore unbearable headaches. it takes me often and it is extremely unpleasant, that's why i always have pills with me to help me feel better. i also have vitamins that i take daily, that help me to keep myself fit and energetic. and finally, regular pills to be able to cure my insomnia, i must not forget to take them, they are extremely important.

inka : bandages are very important, because sometimes when we get hurt outside the dorm, we don't necessarily have what it takes to heal yourselves, so i make sure to always have bandages to treat wounds that do not require medical treatment.

inka : i often blow my nose, really. i feel like i have a cold every day of the year. so i always have a pack of tissues with me, it has become essential.

itzy's ryujin polaroid.

inka : ahh.. one of my most precious treasures. this polaroid of ryujin is very important to me, because she personally wrote me a message on the back. a message of encouragement to be more precise, she gave it to me during a rather complicated period of my life, and i must admit that i consider it a bit like a lucky charm.

👤 : do you want to say a little word to ryujin?

inka : ryujin if you see this video, thank you for all your support, thank you for being such a precious friend ! you're the best.

a small stuffed cat.

inka : oh it's my little meow's turn ! it's a gift from ateez's lua. as many know, lua is my best friend, and she gave me this stuffed cat shortly after my debut in stray kids. i literally take him everywhere, i take great care of him, oh and funny fact, he has the particularity of smelling like vanilla. so my bag is always scented with a vanilla smell.

inka approached the little stuffed cat to her cheek, pretending to cuddle it tenderly for a few seconds.

👤 : do you want to say a little word to lua?

inka : bestie ! how are you? i can't wait to see you again soon, i hope we will have many more good times together. i miss you.. take care, okay? i send you all my support for your future projects. and don't forget, i will always be your biggest fan. *🫶🏻*

kitkat and other snacks.

inka : kitkat are my favorite snacks, it's nothing new, honestly. i buy these regularly and always have a few in my bag, just in case my stomach gets a little peckish.. you know, to avoid awkward gurgling in the middle of an interview.

obviously, she takes the opportunity to unwrap one and quickly eat it in front of everyone, triggering the laughter of some members of the staff.

inka : but ! i also have other snacks for the kids. those who ask me most often are obviously changbin and jisung. once, i caught them rummaging through my bag to find some, unbelievable.

yellow nintendo switch lite.

inka : my precious. she is always here for me. i really love video games, i often spend all my free time playing. i love playing animal crossing, fire emblem, trials of mana.. i have a large collection of video games at home. i often play with felix by the way. but i am more often playing genshin impact on my playstation..

👤 : which characters are in your genshin impact's main team?

inka : i change quite often honestly, because i love playing with lots of different characters. but right actually, my mains are mona – the only character who never leaves my team, scaramouche, tighnari and fischl.

a few words to end this interview.

inka : what i remember is that i should definitely organize my bag better, but i still think i have most of what i need inside. unfortunately, there will always be little extra things that will be added from time to time.. next time i'll take a backpack !

inka : thank you so much for this interview, it was fun to film and share all this with you, and above all, to show you a little of my life in this bag.

inka : aaand.. cut !

✧⠁taglist : @writerblock-sucks

#inka ( random ) #skz 9th member #stray kids 9th member #skz ninth member #stray kids ninth member #skz #stray kids #skz addition #stray kids addition #skz added member #stray kids added member #skz extra member #stray kids extra member #skz oc #stray kids oc #skz female oc #stray kids female oc #skz female member #stray kids female member #skz female addition #stray kids female addition #kpop oc #kpop female oc #kpop female addition #kpop female member #kpop added member #kpop extra member #kpop addition #kpop skz #kpop stray kids

[minalblood]

Rewatching the Winchesters now that it's on HBO Max and I can at any time instead of 3 am and god the pilot is chaotic but in the best way now that I already love all the characters.

And more than that, I can actually enjoy John this time around since I can watch it without having SPN!John in my head. Still will rub me the wrong way when he says hypocritical shit that SPN!John has done, but it's sooo much easier to genuinely give him the space to be aka grow as a character without the constraints of who he would've become. And yea, he very much is still completely recognizable as the John we knew, like to the point that I believe him to be way more likely to become JDM!John than Matt's John (but we did spend very little with him tbh). But he still has time to figure his shit out and is willing to do it. Ughh, cant wait to rewatch this.

Same thing with Mary tbh, having her basically have to be honest about herself and having all this hope for a future where she can be happy and not have to keep hunting til she dies, and knowing that she doesn't have to become(and won't I think) SPN!Mary means I can see her talk about all of these things without wanting to cry. And yea, I can def see SPN!Mary in her clearly, the trying to stay detached due to her grief, the hardened hunter, the taking the initiative and not taking no for an answer whether that's good or back. But she hasn't yet lived through one death and the loss of her whole life so she can still hold onto her dreams and try to achieve them.

Now Lata and Carlos on the other hand tho were always fun. But knowing them already mean I can enjoy all the minute work that builds their chracters even from the get go and also made me realize just how much they also grow throughout the season. Still my faves tho. Like Carlos' entrence is another spn iconic entrence tbh. And also also just... the sheer disaster that Carlos is in the Pilot speaks to me personally. And Lata instantly endears me to her, she's sassy from the get go, but more reserved in the Pilot. U can see the strength and and courage and ... just potential these two have cuz it's all already therw, but it's being held back in the Pilot, they don't yet have a support system aka Carlos is in a lone wolf vibe where they cant afford to let people close and Lata just lost hers not too long ago and with Maggie, she also kinda lost and is losing Mary.

I genuinely forgot Millie's intro was pretty harsh initially. Like I knew ep 2 has the monster turning into her for a reason, but I forgot how much she reminded me of SPN!John (when he was around that is) that I had a double take. It was the passive agressive comment to John followed by soothing it with a hug and a smile thay just genuinely threw me a bit with how much of SPN!John is in her aka how much he clearly learned from her (his parenting style) which obv makes sense but damn.

There might not be too much Ada in the Pilot, but the little we do get tho and where she ends up (with Rowena ackowledging her power and herself believing in her own magic and just herself) from where we see her here with a book store and trying to lay low is phenomenal. And we have hints here of who she is, and who she grows into when she talks to John about Henry, but like with all of them its hints.

Anyways, I love this show and the Pilot is pretty chaotic but not as energizer bunny/break neck speed as I remembered, but still way faster than the rest of the show. But it does such a good job setting everyone up, both for us to understand who they are now and for us to have a jumping point to see where they end up.

And to close it, fuck is it still the best thing in the world to have Dean on the screen again. Ughh, hits just as bad this time as the 1st time. Also also, this joy really be checking the Samulet there so that Jack doesn't get close, like he really be out here on his own, fucking theripizing himself with journaling and vibing by himself in his usual hunters outfit when not being percieved and then the fashionista in him when in a crowded bus stop was like "Imma be as extra as I can be" just because he could and honestly, good for him. He's always found time for a nice outfit change when oportunity presented itself.

Long story short, I'll be writing down my thoughts this run through as they come with the episodes.

#spn #the winchesters #spnwin #spnwin 1x01 #spnwin rewatch

[gojoest]

ai 💞💞💞 i love you so much and i’m off anon because i stand by my questions!!! <3

1. who is your favorite character aside from go** and shanks?

2. what is your ultimate comfort food/meal?

3. if you could live anywhere in the world (pretend you have the financial means to live wherever you want), where would you live and why?

kae you are literally my dearest and i love you so SO very much <3

1. i’m going to completely leave jjk out of this btw and list some characters i don’t talk about much or not at all (at least here) but love so dearly, so here we go !

one piece: i have so many fave op characters but my tops (aside from shanks that is) are : ace, zoro, doflamingo, luffy, law & robin

haikyuu: i love them all but my heart belongs to iwaizumi hajime forever and always

hunter x hunter: killua (my child), hisoka, chrollo, illumi, feitan, meruem, pakunoda, palm

bleach: AIZEN, UNOHANA, ichigo, zaraki, urahara, byakuya, grimmjow, shunsui, yoruichi, ulquiorra

vagabond: sasaki kojiro!!!!!!!!!!!! (i am obsessed with him)

k project: suoh mikoto

kuroko no basket: akashi, aomine, kise, kiyoshi

aria: alice, alicia, akari

samurai champloo: mugen

puella magi madoka magica: homura

i can keep going but i’ll stop here or else

2. pizza! pasta! sushi! rice! anything with rice I LOVE RICE SO MUCH! my favorite rice dish is sarma (rice stuffed in grape leaves) and i can eat my weight in it :3

3. hmmm this is a tough one but i’d choose barcelona! i was there years ago but think i left part of myself there. idk i was just so impressed like it’s truly one of the most beautiful cities i’ve ever been to, not only architecture wise but like the ppl there, too — they were all so warm and welcoming, it all made me fall in love so deeply with the place. during my whole stay there i felt like i was at home and was pretty homesick when i left :( missing it so so much i want to go back again one day. also fun fact, growing up i was a huge football fan (not anymore tho) and maybe it has something to do with my dad being a retired football player lmao but yea, my favorite team has always been barca which maybe makes me a bit biased about the city itself and why it’s my dream place to live in. i remember how i was in literal tears when i first entered camp nou (it’s fc barcelona’s stadium/home). i literally cried LIKE ACTUAL TEARS and had goosebumps that just wouldn’t go away even after returning to my hotel room like i thought there was something wrong with my skin but it was just me being overwhelmed by emotions. it was such an experience.. like football to me back then was what jjk is to me rn and barca was like gojo to me… do you understand how obsessed i was kajshdsskala

ANYWAY sry i rambled so much sob T—T and thank you for dropping by with such lovely questions <3

#[ ai—mail ] #ᓚᘏᗢ — meowtuals #me when i ignore all the bllk characters my bad

[beetlebugdash]

Miraculous awakening thoughts and live reaction! (Major spoilers!)

- holy crap we made it to a movie

- I'm so excited

- Remember back in season 2 (I think) that a live action movie was coming

- Good times

- Anyways this

- Netflix presents tears

- No magic

- JUMPS SCARE

- we've been known thanks for explaining

- Dark butterflies and angry? Wanna see the counterpart

- LADYBUG AND CAT NOIR

- stronger than death?

- THE CLASSIC MOVIE MUSIC

- PARIS!!??!)

- classic movie intro is classic

- PHOTOGRAPHER AND NEWSPERSON

- CROSSWINDS

- the road????

- Marionette wears a watch?

- I love her dad

- UNICORNBCAKES

- 10/10 diversity

- Daddy??? Ok Chloe

- Listen to my chest???? Idk what u mean

- YOU JUST GOTTA BELIEVE!!!!

- Christina that isn't your singing voice

- CHRISTINA HAS A GOOD VOICE

- love the painter's design

- It dosent sound like her

- DOG

- THE TEA SCENE FORM THE PV

- Lotta unique background character designs

- WHERE DID U GET THE BIKE

- iconic locations beauty

- THE SKETCHBOOK!

- ALSO ANIMATION IS GORGEOUS

- other friends???

- I wanna know

- Gabriel designs, you'll soon hate him

- Polka dot dress before ladybug

- Ooo sparkles

- ITS A FLOATING SKETCHBOOK

- fireworks ooooooo

- "Here's some perfume”

- YOU SPIN ME ROUND

- NATALIE And Gabriel

- TODD VOICE YAY

- Love that persons hair

- I thought Gabriel is never in public?¿

- Chloe's voice sounds odd?

- BWAHAHAHHAHA

- oh it's Gabriel agreste sweater

- A+ to alya

- "EAT BREAD WITH BUTTER"

- FINALLY GLASSES FLARE

- MEANT TO BE?

- recorder

- GYMNASTICS AU COME TRUE

- TRANSITION TO EMILIE

- ugh she looks so pretty

- Odd

- LUKA AND JULEKA

- Rude ugh

- Oh i hate Chloe

- AHAHAHA

- At least we know school layout kinda

- Little bit of luck? Yea here allergies

- Alegies or dust WE NEED TO KNOW

- IT THE SEASON 1 FINALE ALL OVER AGAIN

- CAT BOOK

- theyre trying to make everyone fall for Adrien

- ukulele music?

- NINO YEAAAA

- oooo amusement park

- Depressing Adrien

- Natalie I love

- I HATE GABRIEL

- i smell a sad song

- LONG HAIRED GABRIEL IS REAL????

- long entry hallways

- Wow Gabriel has very pretty nails

- HE HAS A WATCH TOO?

- EMILIE LORE?

- oh she was a performer omg

- HAPPY BIRTHDAY?????

- ooooooooooo

- nooroo????

- WOAH

- master fu knows whazzup

- This movie is going really fast an lots of jumps

- Oh plagg and tikki fight????

- Marinella????

- HIT BY A CAR?

- SCREAMING EXCHANGE

- GASP

- 10/10 BREAKS

- uh crazy man bye

- MASTER FU WHAT THE

- creepy hall? Sure!

- Poor Chloe

- Sabrina is a wingman OOO

- random window opening? Sure!

- CAT

- MIRACULOUS

- failed proposal?

- oh no first akuma attack

- WOA CREEPY

- well evil spirits

- Oooo a ladybug

- ooooooo

- “Who saves a life saves the world”

- IT'S LIKE THE ORIGINAL ANIMATION

- TIKKI!

- “GIRLS CAN WEAR PANTS” YES

- can you say kwami

- Tiny genie sure

- “I WET THE BED”

- REDEMPTION FOR THE CHRISTMAS EPISODE CAUSE TIKKI ONLY HAD 1 LINE

- THE THEME SONG? ¿

- "I'll hide in a tree"

- RAPPING TIKKI?

- BWAHAHAHA

- CONTINUITY!

- Aw marinette has doubts

- "Im out of patience"

- that poor security guard

- WHERE IS QUASIMODO WHEN U NEED HIM

- "first a song now a yoyo what's next a tea set???"

- CRASH

- oh hi cat noir

- bonjour

- "Do I know u?"

- A WATERMELON

- CAT NOURS SIDEKICK LOL

- omg cat noir will always me my fav

- CAT PUNS!!?!

- oh no cat noir

- RUUUUUUNNNNNNN

- "Not on the first date!"

- Omg I love him

- "Is that a watermelon"

- CANONBALL!

- SHERO

- wet haired cat noir

- 👍

- BON APPETITEEEEEE

- little Adrien lol

- cat noir outta breath lol

- 2-0 gargoyle

- GO FETCH PUPPY

- KITTY

- MIRACULOUS POWER

- "Thank goodness marinette is at home" lol

- oH NO NOT THE TAIL

- WO

- zag news LOL

- DON'T BE BEMUSED IT'S JUST THE NEWS

- THE MUSIC AHAHGAHAHAHHA

- oh no loose akuma

- master FU

- Miraculous: tales of watermelon and insane

- coooooooool

- Hawkwho?

- THE WINK

- TOGETHER!

- failure is not your enemy, fears are

- New cat singing voice

- I like this voice (no offence Bryce)

- oh I love this song

- Bounce from the clouds

- HEARTS CLOUD

- and moon cloud

- Oh it's a swan cloud

- Transitions are horrid

- rosemary?

- SHOSHOCHEF

- stinks

- PLAGG

- ewwwww

- THE BURN

- Natalie hears PLAGG LOL

- And cat puns!

- Hey he has picture in his room!

- PTFAFS

- "she knows her stuff" *proceeds to screem*

- PUSS IN BOOTS

- mic drop marinette out

- can't get rid of it lol

- haHaHA

- poop

- ugh fear

- NATALIE HAS A HOME OTHER THAN THE AGEESTE MANSION

- nooroo ily

- “I have nothing to loose” ADRIEN??

- HAWKMOTH SONG

- BEST SONG

- BEAUTY ANIMATION

- Shakespeare hawkmoth

- SO EVIL

- IS THIS KEITH?????

- THEY HAVE KEITH SINGING BUT NOT CHRISTINE UGH

- THE MIME

- HAWKMOTH HAWKMOTH HAWKMOTH

- THE TOPHAT

- HIGH NOTE WOOO

- Butt kicking girl superhero WOO

- how did u get some of those

- stealing money????????

- BOOM

- Dr love nino

- Roses means desperate

- I LOVE HIS APRON

- oh I love marinettes dad

- Dr love more like Dr not

- why did u look at her sketches

- man duck Gabriel

- THE WHILHEM SCREEM

- oh no poor nino

- POOR SABRINA

- 0.0

- oooo chaos

- Ironically I just saw a magician today

- I think?

- LEMME RIDE THE HORSES

- anxiety ridden Marinette

- ITS THE SONG!

- eh it’s ok I guess?

- Animation still looks cool

- Tikki scare is scary

- TIKKI SPOTS ON

- TRANSFORMATION IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PUBLIC

- creepy baby balloon

- what is with ladybug and cats voices

- STRONGER TOGETHER

- boo you Chloe

- LONG YIME NO SPEAK

- THE GARBAGE

- POOR NINO

- nino confession goes out the window

- POOR CAT

- At least their adding sounds to the bell like come on it is annoying

- WHY ISNT THAT FAMILY RUNNING?

- POP

- HAWKMOTH FACE

- BYE BYE LITTLE BUTTERFLIES

- PARTNERS

- OH THE SONG

- CROSSOINT MAN

- BUBBLER!

- MIRACULOUS!

- GYMNASTICS!

- THE CARS

- ICE CREAM PATROL!!!!!

- ITS THE LOVE SONG

- whoops

- I LOVE LADYNOIR

- this is the ladynoir I’ve been missing from the show

- THE OFFICIAL ART!

- ADULTS ARE HAVING A CONVERSATION!

- glow=danger?

- broken heart

- UGH YOU FOOL

- love song love song love song love song

- “I wouldn’t get close to anyone after my mom died” “I got close to you” AAAAAAAAH

- WHERE DID THESE TEARS COME FROM?¿

- oh i love them

- NO DONT GO

- OW

- JUST AN EMPTY HEART

- PLAGG

- ADRIEN STANDING UP TO HIS DAD!

- Follow your heart AND THEIR THE SAME PERSON!

- ow

- SCREW YOU CHLOE

- aw

- She wears a tank top?

- “I dreamed of calling Paris home” uh you live in Paris?????

- Where did they get the ladybug and cat noir shots?

- IM NOT CRYING YOU ARE!

- ITS A CHILDRENS MOVIE WHY AM I CRYING

- YO HAWKMOTH

- creepy eepy

- JEREMY ZAG!

- yOOooOooo

- wow this got dark quick

- CAT NOOOOOOOO

- dude look outside

- selfie it truly is gen z

- GO PLAGG

- LADYBUG NO

- FINALLY

- no don’t do this now

- stronger together????

- oh no

- Another fall for the Eiffel Tower yet this feels different

- CAT

- LADYBUG GO SAVE HIM

- oh no oh no oh no

- OH NO

- THE MIRACULOUS

- OH NO

- YEAAAAAA CAT

- ow

- flashback

- OH NO HIS MASK

- MARICHAT FOR DA WIN

- FINALLY

- O MY GOD

- MY LITTLE BOY

- FLASHBACK

- LITTLE ADRIEN

- THE MIRACULOUS BOOK

- love over death

- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

- Marinette watching like 🧍‍♀️

- oooooo pretty music

- master fu where did u come from

- ITS THE CREEPY GUY!

- LADYBUG LADYBUG (and cat noir maybe)

- ok that’s different

- ITS LIKE THE FANTASMIC SCENE

- aaaawwww it’s nearly over

- THE BALL

- VOLKSWAGEN

- Sabrina’s just like “meh”

- REVEAL?

- SNOW HEART IN TREE

- YEAAAA

- IS HE CRYING

- HES SO HAPPY

- MUSIC KNOWS HOW BIG IT IS

- KISS KISS

- THEY DID THAT FOR THE FANS

- post credit sequal?

- SEQUAL??????

- AND THE PRE MOVIE SCENES

- Overall: harsh transitions, hate ladybugs voice, and a bit rushed, and I despised the ending was anticlimactic with ladybug, but overall for a miraculous movie was alright it has amazing animation

- They somehow made it cater for both the old and longtime fans and young and newbie fans good job (for the most part)

- I don’t have a rating since it’s a stand alone movie so I’m just gonna go cry in the corner until season 6 or more ladynoir

#caps tw #wow this is a long post lol #But enjoy anyways #beetlesmemes #miraculous spoilers #miraculous #miraculous ladybug #miraculoustalesofladybugandcatnoir #miraculous awakening #miraculous fandom #miraculous chat noir #miraculous tales of ladybug and chat noir #ml spoilers #miraculous awakening spoilers #ml

[ja3yun]

HIIIII HAPPY MELTING POINT DAYYY 😆🎉 we should start normalising saying happy melting point day instead of happy friday actually

finally completed my workload for the day so i finally have the time to read the newest chapter 😝 im seated, seat belts buckled & so ready for the ride

"boyfriend" I GIGGLED THEY R SOOOOO TGT NOW 🫂🫂 used to pray for moments like this ...ok the minhee not responding to yn as usual kinda sus yea 🧐🧐 but anyways dgaf for now bc HOON CAME TO SURPRISE YN? I LIVE FOR THEM 🤍🤍🤍🤍 STOPP HE LET HER ADD HER OWN TOUCHES TO HIS CAR?:!!: AWWWW THATS SO SWEET i love when couples have a synergistic effect like hoon showers yn w all his love and attention and likewise yn gives hoon nothing but love and pride they truly are meant for each other

NO WAIT HOONYN HAD MORE HISTORY?.?:! when i say match made in heaven i really do mean it 😭 but hoon saying he had a reason when he rejected her... 🧐🧐🧐🧐🧐🧐 HMMMMM HMMMMMM 🧐🧐🧐 FAWKKING HELL THEY SAID WHAT NOW 🥺🥹🥺🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 they LOVE each other 🥹🥹🥹🥹 aj i ABSOLUTELY LOVE the little glimpse into hoonyn's past and the little moments that add up to their r/s now im just 🥰

i also absolutely love hoon sets yn straight like u can love both parties but there really shouldnt be a double standard, family or not. and its so refreshing to see main characters actively voice out their feelings! yn pookie imma have to need a word with u bc... i get that this is minhee's first chance at going even bigger but its still as big a thing for hoon too 🥺 and we cant deny minhee has said terrible things about him too...

oh no the mother and son r plotting.. i dont like that 😠😠 okayyyyyy minhee is acting too cold to yn for it to be normal now 🤨🤨🤨 UGH I JUST HATE THEIR MOM. like WOMAN PLEASE. theyre both ur kids ur flesh and blood i get that this is a big thing for minhee but like UGH 😤 OMG? rina made hoon's fit? SLAYYY U GO GIRLLL

WORLD PAUSE. WHAT HAPPENED?:!/!/& the moment i read the words "his ankle unexpectedly snaps at a 90 degree angle" MY HEART DROPPED MY JAW DROPPED BC THERES NO FREAKING WAY. does minhee want to fight WHY IS HE HOLDING YN BACK. LITERALLY LET THE GIRL GO!!!!! wtf. did minhee actually have something to do w hoon's skates. bc if he did istg. NOT HIM TRYING TO CHANGE THE TOPIC WTF. NOW IS NOT THE FREAKING TIME U DINGDONG!!!! but ig now we know why he was acting so distant w his own sister 😠

OK SO HE REALLY DID IT? oh U WANNA FIGHT KANG?.!.!/ AND HERE COMES THE MOTHER. if u can even call her that 😡🤬 IM SO?.!.&/ WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT DO U HAVE NO SHAME NO MORALS WTFFF 🤬🤬🤬🤬 i knew chapter 4 was the calm before the storm 😭😭😭😭 i hope yn got to see hoon tho 😭 im starting a hoon ankle speedy recovery manifestation ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

icb i finished the chapter so soon 🙃 now im back to living non melting point days.... patiently waiting for melting point day to come 🤍

i am with you on that! happy melting point day is how i'm greeting every friday from now on !!

ynhoon have been going longer than anyone realised and honestly i know i wrote it but why do i still get so ajdhsjhd over hoon when i remember he told his dad to give her the sweets?? its my little pocket of happiness :( and it just makes the i love you so much more deeper than we realise!!

minhee and the mum, honestly, i love the reactions 😭 the plot thickens each chapter and i can't wait to watch everyone unfold it along with yn.

thank you as always for reading! ilysm you have no idea!!

#aj answers #next chapter only gets more ?????? #i'm hoping i can curveball you all one more time

[beardedhandstoadshark]

Can you share about a fictional character you like and why you adore them? (Any series but if you can specify a title with the character name it'd be super cool!) I love seeing people gush about fictional characters they love. It makes me happy to see the positivity.

Sure! I’ve actually gushed about one of my faves before here, and aside from that my absolutely favorite character is Kirby, from the Kirby series! Both of them are from videogames though, hope that’s cool XD

Anyways, I think he’s what you’d call a comfort character? Lil guy‘s just good vibes all around.

It’s pretty basic really. Kirby loves his friends, food, and napping, he’s pink, and says "hiiiii! :D“ in the most adorable voice ever. Helps people in trouble even without knowing them because it’s the right thing to do and a chance to meet new friends. He’s a bit overeager and tends to rush into action first, then listen later, so he got tricked by more scheming people multiple times, but he’s doing it all with good intentions! The lil guy’s endlessly curious and views the world with literal stars in his eyes, and gets so genuinely exited about all the small wonders of his little world every day.

Despite being utterly adorable, he’s still kicking ass though, fighting against enemies who are way bigger than him with weapons that are also bigger than him! A very brave lil guy. I very much grew up with all that "pink is only for girls and they’re weak“ talk, so seeing this little pink puff rocking both was always nice. (Also fun fact! Kirby going by he is an English thing, in the original they don’t use gendered words for the puffball).

There‘s also The Lore™,which is absolutely wild, and very complicated, but according to it Kirby‘s vibes are so immaculate he might actually be the "good vibes“ reincarnation of the divine being that created the universe named Void, or at least caused Void to reincarnate in his image. Also the power of friendship is real, and he’s got an unlimited amount of that. They even made a whole game about it, Kirby Star Allies. It’s entire premise is about all the friends kirby made along the way of saving the planet, with many of them even being the former bad guys of precious games! He befriends the bad guys of that game, too. They even make photos of their hangout :3

And the thing is, you have this tiny pink puff with rosy cheeks and big eyes here canonically holding the power to destroy worlds, and in any other story it would’ve gone somewhere along the lines of "ohhh it’s actually not that innocent and it’s all super dark and edgy“, and the cut thing turns into some monster with too many teeth, but not with Kirby. All the dead gods and cosmic horror adjacency don’t take away from Kirby’s cuteness, it adds to it. Because Kirby straight up doesn’t care about his own lore.

Like, yeah he cheated death, yea he killed the "destroyer of worlds“, yea the grim reaper has been stalking him in every single intro since 2011 and recently come out to fight for unknown reasons, and yea he can eat the whole universe if he wants to just like Voids last reincarnation-

But he doesn’t want that. He wants to be friends.

Kirby is in love with the world, and the world he lives is made up of the love people have for him. And I don’t just mean that in a figurative way, the producers of this series, HAL Laboratory, absolutely adore their pink puff, and you can even feel that while playing in every small detail they put in all their work. There‘s just so much care put into it way past what most people would notice or was necessary. (Especially when it comes to presentation and soundtrack. Omg, the soundtrack). There‘s just such a warmth surrounding this little guy who’s shaped like a friend and holds love in his hands.

Kirby wants to be friends, play silly games, he wants to eat lots of strawberry cake and take a nap in the grass under a tree and look at butterflies and go on adventures with all his friends and make drawings of all of them and go fishing with his bestie who trains to be just as brave as strong as him and then visit the sleepy but kind king he fought all the way back in his very first adventure but has since become one of his closest friends, and maybe on the way they‘ll meet the mysterious knight who‘s super serious but secretly cares too and likes sweets a lot so maybe they could all eat cake together and when it’s late they can all watch the stars on the roof of the castle and when the moon is high he’ll go to sleep in his warm bed in his tiny house full of pictures of all his friends and adventures, and then the sun will rise and he’ll take a big ol bout of air and jump out the bed and greet the new day with a big"Hiiiii!“ with the stars twinkling in his eyes from the light of the new day that he already knows he’ll love.

Because at the end of the day, that’s what Kirby has always been and will be about, love.

And I love Kirby for it :)

#another anon ask #this got SO long I am SO sorry #but you gave me an opportunity to gush about the lil fella #and it just wrote itself #kirby #also yea reading others be hyped about things is nice :]

[angelsdean]

I’m sorry people are vague blogging and giving you crap about defending Dean. You don’t have to be hyper critical of every piece of media you consume. The early seasons of SPN were written in the early 2ks by a bunch of white men, so of course there are problems. We all know that. Your spreadsheet shows that those problems aren’t with Dean saying the word bitch a few times to female villains, but with the writers themselves, and no amount of critical character meta will undo that. And it’s weird for people to act like loving Dean through all the seasons means the viewer themselves is okay with misogyny. Dean (as the writers wrote him) changes drastically throughout the seasons, has depth, and is a fun character to watch. Enjoy your rewatch and monitoring Jackles jacting joices!

hi sorry i didn't see this earlier !! but thank you<3 I don't really mind others disagreeing w/ me but yeah i saw a few posts yesterday and i was like, oh no did i accidentally create discourse? sjfkdkdk i'm so insulated in my own corner of spnblr idk what's going on out there in the wild wild west. Also the vaguing feels very high school, like why are we doing that? But anyways, yes, the show as a whole has gone through SO many changes and lived through many eras where the social and political norms changed drastically. It's impossible to overlook those real world contexts and the writers themselves and what they each brought to the show / characters.

Like the show clearly got better (still had lots of flaws don't get me wrong!!) re: stuff like casual sexism / misogyny and the language used as what was socially acceptable to say changed. Like after I did my "bitch" and "skank" searches, I also searched "slut" out of curiosity and it doesn't occur very much (only 18 times out of 300+ episodes) and the use of the word drops off completely after season 12. Strangely it was used the most in season 4, a total of 9 times which is half the total usage of the word. I haven't had time to dig deeper but I'd be curious to see who those s4 writers were and to whom the word was being used (my guess is again villains / enemies / antagonists). But yea it's only used sparingly after s4, and then never after s12 which to me signals that like, the writers realized 'ok we can't get away with using that word anymore bc it's no longer socially acceptable' etc etc.

Anyways, thanks again<3 I'm very much having fun with this rewatch, it's feeding my brain so much haha.

#replies #spn data