#appendix: •autism | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

annbourbon · 5 months

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The Useful Post (Part Two)

Part One || Part Two || Part Three

>-< Because apparently only 100 links are allowed per post.

I'm gonna finish the other one and edit both to make it look a bit more... clean.

Be That Girl 101

Although it's not the only blog with this kind of content, it is one of the best I've seen. So follow @prettyinpink for more content. The list I'm creating of course doesn't only includes her blog but others too. If I find it's interesting, useful or something along the lines, it'll be here.

♡ Learn something new

♡ Making your phone to be intentional

♡ Making Friends

♡ Self care 101

♡ How to stop procrastinating by managing your emotions

♡ Becoming a better student

♡ How to romanticize exercise

♡ How to be the Main Character

♡ Cariona: Pads that actually help

♡ Success Formula 101

♡ The It Girl Mindset

♡ How to Stay Motivated while Studying

♡ 5 Habits to Fix your Problems

♡ Sexual Education

♡ Ultimate Friendship Guide

♡ Things to Manifest

♡ Watch your posture

♡ How to Build an unshakeable confidence

♡ How not to Die if you have an ED

♡ Don't let others to paywall human connection

♡ Read only women

♡ How to stop overthinking

♡ Youtube Channels 4 Girlies

♡ Stop self~sabotage and doubts

♡ Becoming an adult

♡ You can do this

♡ Set your own pace

♡ Friends

♡ Content creators

♡ Don't date for love

Ballet 101

♡ Diet

♡ Routine

♡ Victoria Secret Workout

♡ My own Diet & Workout Routine

♡ What is healthy for one person might not be for another

♡ How to lose weight fast naturally

Food 101

♡ Pancakes to cure depression

♡ Vegetarian recipes

♡ Vegan recipes

♡ Gluten Free Ideas #1

♡ Prosciutto & Blue Cheese (I don't support EDs but these recipes are so tasty!!)

♡ Food List & Some advice

♡ Common myths about migraines

♡ Fluffy Bread

♡ Eating Tray Hack

♡ Pasta

Makeup 101

♡ Makeup #1 - Artistic

♡ Skincare #1

Nature 101

♡ Orchids

♡ Identifying Plants?

♡ Learn How to Like Bugs

♡ Birds

♡ Plants can talk

♡ Bees are dying

♡ Frogs

♡ How to grow....

History 101

★Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it.~ George Santayana. ★

♡ Disability History

♡ Who are you? *Master List*

♡ Irish Mythology

♡ Autism through the years

♡ White People Culture: Long post

♡ History is closer than you think

♡ Asexuals and Aros through history

♡ Myth of Orpheus and Eurydice

♡ Belgians

♡ European History is not white

♡ Ronald Reagan

♡ Pompeii Fact

Art 101

★ This category includes Drawing and Painting, among other forms of art. It also includes some authors I really liked and works to use as inspiration, or to at least have some knowledge of their existence.★

♡ Art: Vintage

♡ Drawing cozy interiors

♡ Beautiful...

♡ John Singer Sargeant (watercolor)

♡ František Dvořák

♡ Primary colors in a fight

♡ 3D Website

♡ Outfit References

♡ Fake Colors

Etiquette 101

♡ Be polite!

♡ Stop your Lizard 🐊 Brain 🧠

♡ Emotionally Competent

Others

♡ Useful for anyone with an appendix

♡ Ad Blockers on YT

♡ Things you can control

♡ Books should be free according to Human Rights

♡ Libguides

♡ What makes Theatre great

♡ Librarians & Teenagers

♡ American Archive

♡ Sundown Towns

♡ Use this instead of

♡ How to keep following people when a social platform implodes

♡ How to Network

♡ How to use Google & Pinterest

♡ Youtube - No Ads

♡ How to find a post really fast

♡ Nothing to do online??

♡ Mythbusters: Sleep

♡ WWC’s A Beginner’s Guide to Academic Research

♡ Wayback Machine

If you want to be here, write me. I'll check on your post and see if I can make it work 😉

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quarktrinity · 5 months

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quark watches star trek season 1 episode 24

is this a petting zoo. it kind of looks like one

thank you background music for telling me these people are evil

ooooh this time were meeting SPOCKS ex! twist!!!

this planet is an alleged communist utopia except theyre not saying communist because its the 1960s

omg hiiiii suluuuuu i missed youuuuu

oh ok so they didnt date but she loved him

"he will stay <3" youre so evil <3

these guys are farmers with allegedly perfect soil but they really dont farm all that much? and theyre supposed to be dead i guess

when you get an appendectomy and then grow a new appendix

spock is weird about girls

are these guys like sucking the life out of the planet or something

HAHAHAHAHHAA SPOCK JUST GOT PLANT CONFETTI ALL OVER HIM

oh shit its fucking with his brain

she unautismed him >:O

spock get out of there get out of there NOW

NO SPOCK DONT MAKE OUT WITH HER NOOOOO

spock has seen a dragon

spock being SASSY

spock says kirk should be "straightened out." what does that mean mr spock

oh shit sulu got unautismed

EVERYONES BEEN UNAUTISMED

(except kirk)

unautismed means acting high and lovey dovey and joining the farm cult on this planet and calling everything perfect and saying "no i dont want to do that <3"

star trek says drugs bad

kirk misses his friends :( he lost them to drugs :(

NOOOOOO KIRK GOT UNAUTISMED

YES KIRK FIGHT THE UNAUTISMING

violence and anger and hatred is the key to reautisming

kirk commits microaggressions to piss off spock

"elf with a hyperactive thyroid"

alright kirk the racisms getting a bit much

omg yay fight time <3 yes boys wrestle

spocks been reautismed <3

god you guys need to make out right now

"if there are self-made purgatories, then we all have to live in them. mine can be no worse than anyone else's" spock holy shit

"you never told me if you had another name mr spock" "you couldnt pronounce it" LMAO???

HAHAHAHHAHA theyre inciting violence among the unautismed crew <3

yes boys duke it out

i guess the spores were keeping them alive all this time?

yaaaayyyyy return of the autism

does mccoy wear eyeshadow

"for the first time in my life, i was happy" shut up

#quark watches star trek #star trek

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bowlerhatwearer · 1 year

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hows emperor hospital going? and what caused you to go there in the first place?

Greetings Anon

Ah well, it was fine, but, well, after that I had to home, because I was put under house arrest, which definitely did not happen because of tax evading reasons....everything you have heard about this is just gossiping in bad faith against me.

And the reason I had to go to emperor hospital, it is a bit embarrassing, and it is also the reason why @pan-fried-autism calls me "Bowler the appendixless", Rey warned me and told me I should get my appendix removed, but I foolishly ignored their warnings.

immediately after this I got appendicitis, and well, fortunately we made it to the hospital just in time.

And that's how I got my "title".

Yours sincerely

Bowler....the "Appendixless".

#Ask #Anonymous #Anon #Antarctica Arc #antarctic empire

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echo-s-land · 2 years

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Everytime I think about the first psychiatrist I saw to have my autism diagnosed and doubt about having autism bc of what he said I remember.

I remember when, years ago, someone I know told me that one day she woke up in so much pain she was unable to stop screaming. So she went to the doctor. Doctor said it was something that'll pass, that she doesn't have to worry, that it's nothing. Her father still took her to the hospital (thanks to her grandma who yelled at her son after hearing her granddaughter scream)

It was her appendix

If they'd waited more time before doing surgery on her she would have died. She nearly died during the surgery actually

So yeah. Whatever that one doctor may have said to me

He was the one in the wrong

#plus his arguments were:#1. i cant be bc i had good grades #2. i talk and dont have any rituals taking over my life #3. didnt have that much developing (speech mostly) delay #4. can hold discussion with other people #mind you i havent made either eye contact nor did i look at something else than the floor during the whole hour or so #bc of course he can knows how my brain works after one hour of talking #which my mother mostly did bc he pissed me off so early it took me ~4 hours to be able to speak again #actually autism #autism #actually autistic #autistic #also to calm down i literally had to force myself to focus on my special interest and nothing else

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yamimichi · 1 year

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An interesting thing happened while my husband and I were out today. We went to "The Witchy Park", as I call it.

My husband spotted a book lying on top of one of the statues off the path. Why would anyone put a book there? I mean, you do you. It just surprised us. It was a heavy hardbound Psychology introductory book.

Now, most of you know that I've been having questions about being ADHD and my self-diagnosis of being autistic. I got my hopes up that this book might have some answers for me. I didn't look at the book at that time though. The book had been rained on at some point. Most of the pages were relatively okay, just damp on the edges. Other pages, back in the appendix, were sticking together a little.

When we got home I looked at it in more detail. Hmm... I suppose that since it was an introductory book, it never mentioned ADHD or Autism. Still, I find it very interesting that we found that book.

While we were at the park, some birds were singing loudly. That made me quite happy to hear them. And a little bird, I don't know what kind, had no fear of us at it bopped around the ground looking for yummies. Quite an interesting day!

#witchy park #book #psychology #introduction #mystery #mysterious but interesting #wet pages #birds #singing #looking for food #interesting day

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the-watchman-fuchs · 1 year

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Long story short.

Shy, a 19-years-old autist from Krautland, groomed and manipulated MileyLuong (now @/harmonyhayami ), a (currently) 12-years-old Vietnamese kid, into fetish and pervy stuff addiction. Said kid spams cheapstake doodles, screenshot edits and Gacha Life shit along with her own publicly shared wet dreams about well-drawn cartoon/comic warriors and badly-drawn cartoon seamen (bad pun intended).

The doc is a pdf that has an appendix of 4 file archives:

HUGE ass archive of miley’s chimpouts & doodles

An Asterix and a Nu Pogodi fanfics by miley

Shy’s moments capped

Shy’s fanfics archived

…It’s not even about the fandoms, no one could’ve cared less about what fandoms people are into. It’s about AN UNDERAGE CHILD BEING NOT ONLY ALLOWED ONLINE (AND LYING ABOUT THEIR AGE AFTER HAVING BEEN DISCOVERED), BUT GROOMED AND ENABLED BY AN 19 YEARS OLD WHO BELIEVES THEIR AUTISM IS A GET-OUT-OF-JAIL-FREE TICKET. Feel free to do whatever you want with the doc and evidence, spread wherever possible, maybe throw a couple rotten tomatoes at these two (because come on, kicking a perv is fun), but first of all - be careful about what and how much about yourself you post online.

Update: even moar proofs she's a corrupted hypocrite!

…so is it “sexy” or “sfw”? Make up your mind already? ;>

#mileyluong12092009 #artists beware #psa #public service announcement #asterix #nu pogodi #soviet animation #treasure island #harmonyhayami #anchorstheblue #shyroseblossomdragon

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adaginy · 2 years

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My brother (and some visiting friends, one for each of us) was here yesterday. Conversation with him is pretty wide-ranging because we're both Diagnosably Weird (the description I gave us before I knew of autism/neurodivergence as A Thing). [interjection on that, I currently have earplugs in because it's been A Day and my mechanical keyboard is still clicky under my fingers but that's a Good and Correct sound] and so we went from me mentioning making sure his visiting friend was also vaccinated, to my usual "While we are talking about vaccines, you need to get your whooping cough booster because that vaccine wears off in your teens, [turning to brother's friend] ask me how I know." I said that whooping cough/noro were 1-2 for the sickest I'd ever been. My visiting friend said the sickest she'd ever been (eyebrows from my brother) was when her parents took her to the RNC. (/j) My brother said, oh, I thought maybe we were going to start a competition of the sickest we'd ever been, because I have STORIES. (he does; in addition to this next story, he also had his appendix burst the summer before college and managed to not report to the hospital until some 24hrs later, the doctor said he must have a "kick ass immune system" [actual quote] to not be in even worse shape than he was) Apparently he was sicker than I knew when he had pneumonia, as in the hospital chaplain came and talked to him and this is also when he -- staring at possible death and generally evaluating his life -- really admitted to himself that he hated his marriage. (His ex-wife is homophobic including about his past that she knew about when they got married, among other yikes stories.) I said "you told me that the hospital recommended you get tested for HIV, because healthy young men do not normally get super double septic pneumonia, and you said 'Jesus Christ, if I got tested for HIV, [then-wife] would lose her shit." [me, to him when he was in the hospital: "Is it double because it's bacterial and viral, or because it's in both lungs?" him: "Because it's in both lungs, but it is also bacterial and viral."] my brother: "Okay, as further evidence of how sick I was, I don't remember that at all, but I believe it happened and I said that because that's absolutely true." (Also he told me that it meant a lot to him that I read to him, which is sweet but also amusing because my primary motivation in pirating Watership Down and reading to him for two hours was to get him to stop talking about how annoyed he was to not have his copy with him, the library ebook was unavailable, he did not like the available audiobooks, etc, and instead lie down and rest dammit your SpO2 is below 90 stop using up your oxygen to wax delirious about a book.) This was all rolling around in my head today as I was face-down on the bed to decompress from being overstimulated. Now it's outside my head. and maybe I can sleep.

#addie talks #family lore #braindump #hospitals #vaccines #I love my brother #of all possibly books watership down is a WEIRD choice though #I hated his ex wife #because yikes #my brother has always been like this

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diversityinkidsbooks · 28 days

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Different Croaks, Different Folks: All About Children With Children With Special Learning Needs By Midori Ochiai

This engaging colour illustrated book explores the difficulties faced by 'frogs with a different croak'. Aimed at children with autism and related spectrum conditions, Teacher Toad's lessons pick up on social and physical difficulties and the kind of behaviours that can get young frogs into trouble. Each lesson gives practical advice on issues covering everything from hard-to-break habits to physical coordination difficulties.

Without using `labels', Midori Ochiai writes about a range of conditions in a child-friendly, non-threatening way that encourages a positive and fun approach to understanding, accepting and accommodating difference.

A helpful appendix provides background information. Ideal for reading with children, this book will be helpful to parents and professionals.

#autism #childrens books #kids books

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butchvoid · 1 year

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puts on my autism hat. watches the extended lotr series again even though I just finished my first watch through. then I'm gonna watch it with commentaries, all 6 of the appendixes, and then the special features.

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deadlydelicious · 4 years

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Online Quiz: True or False, you enjoy doing things spontaneously?

Me, who used to get crippling abdominal migraines as a child whenever I was taken on 'surprise' trips: huh, I don't know, do I enjoy spontaneity?

#like i hate surprises so much it literally gave me psychosomatic stomach cramps #they could be so bad that my mum once took me to the hospital because she thought my appendix was bursting #so yeah #i'm not a fan of spontaneity #this week on 'you were diagnosed dyslexic as a kid so everyone ignored your autism till the psyc eval suggested it at age 18'#and now my family constantly minimises it even though like...90% of my weirdness now makes sense #shout out to that psychiatrist though for picking it up #but yeah like...so much started making sense once i started reexamining my behaviour through the lens of aspergers/autism

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autismrules893 · 5 years

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Story time!

When I was like 7, I wasn’t diagnosed yet, I had really bad stomach pains. So bad that I had to go to the hospital. The doctors decided that I had appendicitis and that my appendix had to be removed. Anyway, they removed it and all was fine except that the pains hadn’t gone away. Well guess what?! The pain was my anxiety so if anyone ever says that ‘it’s not that bad’ or ‘you’ll live’, think of this.

#actually autistic #autism #autistic problems #anxiety #appendix #appendicitis #stupid doctors #story time #the pain was so bad

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uspdude051 · 2 years

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I'm so happy to see a guy doing grey's anatomy!!!

Can I request a alex kreav x male Pediatric surgeon who has autism who was in the plan crash and needs comfort in the middle of surgery? Oh and big sister Meredith

Can't wait!!! Good luck 👍 💓

Alex Karev x Male!Autistic!Reader

Comfort and Cuddles

TW: PSTD/FLUFF/Probably some shit ass grammar :)

A/N: This is my first official post so I hope you guys like it, I'm a little new to this so bear with me. Requests are still open so submit something if you want. This also kinda hits home with me since my little brother is autistic sooooooooooo enjoy!!!!! :)

Y/N POV

Are you currently outside of the OR getting scrubbed for your first surgery as a surgical fellow at Gray-Sloan memorial. It was an appendectomy (the removal of the appendix). A 9-year-old came in the ER saying that there was a pain in the stomach then later when you did an ultrasound and discovered it was an appendix about to rupture so Arizona decided it was about time to let you take the steering wheels and go solo with this case. This was your first solo surgery as a surgical fellow specializing in pediatric Surgery. Arizona thought you and Alex had potential and decided to mentor you during your last 2 years of residency and during you're fellowship years.

You were about to finish scrubbing until Alex came in with a sad look on his face. He was your boyfriend a year after Izzie left too god knows where. You knew Alex when you started your residency. It was the 6 of you guys that started this journey back when it was Seattle grace. Meredith, Alex, George, Izzie, Christina, and you. And now one died, one got fired, and now Christina ran away to Boston. It was just you, Alex, and Meredith.

In the beginning, you didn't like Alex as you can say….. Scratch you hated evil spawn in every bone in you're body.

3rd POV

Intern year

It was a few months since M/N began his residency at Seattle Grace. And there was never one person he hated the most. Which is evil spawn himself. M/N was not necessarily a violent person you can say. But he could make an exception to evil spawn. M/N was doing post-op surgical notes with Meredith because the nazi said so and you DO what the nazi says so, at the nurse's station and Karev was next to complaining about knows what about. M/N was trying completely blocked off everything that Alex was saying to him and it was not working.

“ and then after Montgomery said that I was like….” Alex complained.

M/N turned his head to face Alex and interrupted him by saying “Dr. Alex Karev if you don't mind me saying that please stop talking and let me concentrate on my work.”

Alex turned to face him with a shocked expression and a few other people around M/N, including Meredith.

“ you know what pretty boy, you should keep up that attitude more often I like it, makes you even hotter,” Alex said with a grinning expression whilst winking at him and he left

“Was it just me or was he just flirting with you,” Meredith said with a confused expression.

All M/N did was just stare at her and finished his notes.

Year 4

M/N was in the cafeteria chatting with Alex. Well, Alex was talking. M/N was looking at his eyes. The pair have gotten closer over the years and even closer since Izzie left, which made M/N recently develop some feelings for Alex and it has gotten worse. Like REALLY worse. M/N didn’t know what to do with those feelings. he didn't even notice Alex stopped talking.

“ Why are you staring at me like that,” he said with a sly smirk on his face,” you wanna kiss me or what.”

Before M/N could respond Alex’s pager went off with a 911 page so he left. M/N has it hard.

A few hours later

M/N was currently walking with Meredith and Christina chatting. You three were in the resident lounge changing into your regular clothes. You saw Alex walking up to the twisted sisters telling them to get out for a second.

He turned to face me

“I like you, I like you a lot, you make me feel happy, you make my day feel like I'm in heaven EVERY GOD DAMNN DAY…. and…..and.” Alex began to stutter not really sure what else not to say.

You acted on it instinct and leaned up to him and kissed him. It was a short kiss and you quickly pulled out. Your eyes widened and you looked over his shoulder and saw Christina and Meredith and they had happy faces. Next thing you knew Alex leaned down to kissed you and you kissed back.

Present time

Alex said, “ Hey babe, sorry that I have to do this but there is a kid that needs surgery and Barnett needs an extra set of hands there are no attendings on-call so they called me.”

“It's fine,” you replied even though you were a little sad about that.

Alex and Merideth were gonna go up in the gallery to watch you perform the appy. You were in the plane crash with Merideth and the 5 others who were on the plane. It kinda messed you up not gonna lie. It also didn't help you were on the autistic spectrum as well. At the beginning of the residency, people were already questioning your ability to do surgery and now they are questioning your ability to surgery because you have PTSD.

He went over to kiss my cheek and said,” knock me dead.”

“It’s an appy everyone can do,” you replied.

When he opened the door and turned around and gave me a wink and a thumbs up and left

It's a pretty simple procedure. Most pediatric surgeons go through on a weekly basis so this should be a piece of cake. You just got out of scrubbing and in the middle of gowning up. After that, you went to the table.

“Ok…….,” you said with an emotionless expression. You got to admit you were pretty excited. It's your first surgery after all. You look up to Meredith looking down at me with an iPad which I assume it's Christina watching. She smiled right at me so I smiled back.

“Bokhee,.....10 blade.”

Sometime later

Halfway through the appendectomy you got pretty bored and decided to play some light music. When you were about to ask for suction you heard a loud bang.

Flash Back to the plane crash

One minute you were reading a book at the back of the plane with lexie and the next thing you know you were in the dirt in the middle of the forest. You looked around and saw pieces and bits of the plane all around you. Arizona can be heard in the background screaming to your right and hear someone banging something on metal to the left. There was too much noise going on around and it caused you to go into a panic.

3rd POV

In the OR

One minute Meredith was talking to Christina about the current tea/drama that was currently going around. For example how Meredith and Bailey have a new nickname coming from the interns. And all of a sudden she heard a huge bang coming from the OR. She looked out the window and a couple of trays fell to the ground. She also saw M/n going into a panic and crouched down and looked like he was hyperventilating. She went down the stairs and grabbed a mask.

When she got to the OR she definitely noticed the nurses and the anesthesiologist looking confused. She went over to M/N and crouched down too.

“M/N it me, it's Meredith,” she said softly.

She noticed that his eyes were stained with tears and he could barely breathe with the mask on him. They need to get out of there ASAP.

“Ok someone page Dr.Stark and tell him to go too OR 2 tell him to continue the appy. And also get new surgical instruments that are sterile, ” she said sternly.

Apparently, no one was barely doing anything so became medusa.

“NOW PEOPLE OR ELSE I’LL TAKE A SCALPEL AND STICK IT WHERE THE SUN DON'T SHINE!!!!!” she exclaimed.

She turned too m/n and gently led him into the on-call room. She led him down to a bed and told him to stay put and she ran back to the OR floor to find Alex. She found Alex in OR 4. He was about to finish the surgery when he heard the door open revealed Mer.

Mer said breathlessly and worried, “ Alex…. it's M/N.”

Y/N POV

You were currently in the on-call room trying to calm down to the best of your ability. You can still remember everything from the crash. Just thinking of it makes you go into a panic. You heard the door open and it revealed Alex wearing his scrub cap and a surgical gown. He sat down next to me on the bed and began to cuddle with me.

“Hey….hey it's okay, everything is fine I'm here, I'm not going anywhere okay,” Alex reassured me.

You guys stayed here for a few minutes until you calmed down and eventually fell asleep in his arms and with him also falling. An hour or 2 later you woke up eventually and saw that I was still in the on-call room, you lifted your head a little bit and saw that you were still in Alex’s arms who was also asleep as well. In these moments like you are totally grateful that you have Alex in life. He was the first person to feel like you mattered other than your parents. He was the person who you leaned on for support and vice versa. You can’t too marry this man.

3rd person POV

Meredith opened the on-call room that Alex and M/N were in. She opened the door and saw that they were both taking a nap. She looked at the sight and did nothing but smile. She closed the door and began to wonder when Alex was gonna propose. Alex had the ring picked out when his parents came to town a month ago, he was just waiting for the right moment to ask.

#greys anatomy #greys anatomy x reader #alex karev #alex karev x reader #alex karev x male!reader #autism #alex karev x male reader #pstd #fluff

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boldlyvoid · 3 years

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ain't it fun?

summary: reader just needs an NA meeting before they have a meltdown, they end up with the best friend they could ever make.

warnings: Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Drug Addiction, Trauma Bonding, narcotics anonymous meetings, Strangers to Lovers, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, meet-cute,

word count: 3.3K

a/n: this is completely self-indulgent and overly personal but i def recommend writing why spencer would love you as a form of therapy

read on ao3

In the blink of an eye, she was up and racing around her apartment. Her mental health was like a teeter-totter, and right now she was on her way to the top. Mania was creeping in; changing from just anxiety-induced butterflied to the feeling that she could jump off a building and survive.

That was never a good time. All she wanted was to either spend all her money, fuck a stranger or get high as shit. It made her legs jumpy and her ears ring and she couldn’t take it anymore. It was all too much.

She threw on a sweater and jeans, her hair was up in a butterfly clip and she hastily threw on her fanny pack full of everything she needed as well as a big coat, and she then left her apartment. She got to the stairs before realizing she actually needed to lock the door.

Her hands shook and she tried to slide the key into the lock, dropping them as her neighbour rushed out of the room and startled her. “Sorry,” she heard him say.

She picked up her keys and turned to look at him, “can you help me? I can’t seem to stop shaking,” she asked as she held her keys towards him.

“yes, sure,” he rushed the words out as he walked towards her, only looking at the keys, never in her eyes. But that was okay, she was never a big fan of eye contact.

He placed her keys back in her hand and took a step back, “are you alright?” he asked.

“No,” she said honestly. “I’m going to find an NA meeting.”

“Do you have one in the area? I haven’t seen you around before?”

She shook her head, surprised that he was also an addict, he didn’t look like he’s ever even smoked weed.

“No, I moved in only a little while ago on a whim, but I think it’s time I got some support,” she said as they started to walk down the hallway together. “I’m Y/N, by the way.”

“Spencer,” he smiled softly. “I’m going to a meeting right now, actually, if you’d like to come? I won’t exactly be anonymous to you, but it’s a good one to go to if you just need one to fill the void until you find your preferred group.”

“Yes, that’s exactly what I need.” She smiled at him this time as he held the door open for her. “So, have you lived around here for long?”

“For about a few years now.”

“The building is good then? I was a little hesitant but I needed to get away,” she said, this time holding the door for them to leave the building and turn down the street towards where she knew the subway was.

The moon should be out, she looked up but only sees buildings. It was the one thing she missed the most about not being in the country; seeing the stars and feeling like there was a reason to it all.

“Are you running from someone?” He asks as they start the walk down to the meeting.

“Myself,” she said softly. “I’m on disability and don’t drive and I lived in the middle of nowhere with my parents, well into my 20’s, and I needed a change so my parents surprised me by saving up money for a few month's rent and told me to follow my heart.”

“And you picked Virginia?”

“I stayed in Virginia, just moved into the city. I watch a lot of murder documentaries in my free time, I thought being near Quantico would introduce me to some interesting people, but I have yet to meet anyone from the FBI at all.”

She laughed to herself at how dumb it was that she wanted to meet a profiler like Holden Ford from Mindhunter, “either they are all very good at keeping their jobs secret or Virginia is a very large and densely populated area with a low percentage of FBI agents.”

“Interesting.”

“What?”

“How long have you lived here?” he asked, slowing as he walked so he could look at her.

“2 months.”

“It took you two months to meet the FBI agent across the hall from you.”

“You’re kidding?” she said, stopping on the sidewalk abruptly. “I knew that apartment was calling me for a reason.”

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but, are you really just coincidentally my neighbour or are you secretly spying on me because you have an evil plan to kill me and my co-workers?” he's completely serious, it's almost scary.

“No offence, Spence, but for a supposed FBI agent that’s a dumb question to ask,” she said, pointing finger guns at him, “you don’t think I’ll give up my cover that easily? Do you?”

He points a finger gun back at her, “technically, I’m a doctor.”

The two of them narrow their eyes at each other, slowly walking in a circle, still facing each other with their make-believe guns trying to hold back smirks. She lowered her ‘weapon’ first. “It’s okay, doctor, don’t worry. I’m not a spy just an idiot with an imagination.”

He giggled softly, “I’ve never felt this comfortable with someone this fast.”

“Well, you are with criminals a lot, right? That would be alarming if you bonded with them,” she said, bumping her shoulder into his as they walked. “But I feel the same. I actually haven’t talked to someone in person in forever.”

“No?”

“I do most of my work and socializing online,” She felt embarrassed, but in today’s day and age, it wasn’t that weird. “I’m not very good outside or with people.”

“If it wasn’t for my job, I don’t think I would go outside very often either. My co-workers are my only friends, they’re more like my family actually.”

“That’s so wonderful to hear, found family is very important,” her smile disappeared as she thought about how alone she was. “Um, can I ask what it is you do at the FBI?”

“Behavioural Analysis.”

“Holy shit," she gasps, knowing way too much about that unit thanks to fucking Netflix, "that’s what the BSU became right? Do you work with the really fucked up shit?” she asked softly.

He laughed, “oh yeah, I really do.”

“Do you share a lot at NA?”

“Kinda, I tend to ramble about facts when I’m nervous so sometimes my short talk becomes more like a ted talk and what was supposed to be just me saying I haven’t relapsed on Dilaudid becomes a lesson on how the human brain works,” he explained, rambling just like he said he would.

She nodded along as he spoke, “funny, that was also my drug of choice.”

“Liquid or oral?”

“Oral. I was given it after I had my appendix out when I was 17. They get you started real young now, big pharma has its hand in everyone's pocket,” she presses her lips together awkwardly, “it was rough.”

He hummed in agreement. “I was held captive by an unsub with multiple personalities. One personality drugged me till I died and the other one brought me back.”

“Spencer, Holy fuck?” she stopped and stared at him so incredibly concerned for someone who just met him. She reached out and grabbed him by the shoulder and looked him in the eyes, “I know I barely know you, but if you need someone to talk I’m literally always across the hall.”

“Thank you,” he smiled softly as he looked back into her eyes. “The meeting is right there across the street, do you want a coffee first? The place beside it is amazing.”

She nodded and he took her hand, looking both ways before J-walking across the street with her to buy her a coffee and a snack. Maybe that would help her stop shaking, he looked like he worried about her and she wasn't used to that at all.

He didn’t talk at this meeting, he sat in the chair beside the group leader, she sat down across from him in the circle so she could focus. When the floor was opened up to new members, Y/N stood at the first chance she got.

“Hi I’m Y/N,” she said, to which she was welcomed by the crowd.

“I’m new to the city and looking for a new home group, not sure if I’ll stay here because I know Spencer outside of here but I really just needed to come today.”

She takes a deep breath as she thinks of how to start it, opting to just explain it and let the rant go where it may.

“I’ve never lived alone before and it’s incredibly hard to occupy my time without drugs. I still smoke weed to help me sleep at night but my addiction is with Dilaudid and then Benadryl a little after having surgery in high school. I don’t know if it’s my trauma, my disability or my Autism, maybe it’s my OCD, I really don’t know, but I just feel so useless and alone and boring and lonely, the drugs used to help but they don’t anymore and I really just don’t want to feel this way anymore.”

They all looked like they understood, small smiles grew all around the circle as she took a lookout at the crowd, “Thank you for letting me get that out.”

Everyone clapped as she sat back down and wiped a tear off her cheek.

The meeting ended shortly after that, Spencer walked from his seat in the circle to where she was sitting, reaching a hand out to help her to her feet. “For the record, I think you’re funny, smart, kind and pretty. And you don’t have to be alone anymore if you don’t want to be.”

She slapped her hand into his and stood up with purpose, “Did we just become best friends?”

“I believe we did.”

The walk home was much like the walk there. They traded facts, they flirted, they laughed, she pushed him into a pole at one point, by accident as they laughed. The two of them stopping to sit at a bus bench, laughing so hard she felt like she would pee her pants right then and there.

By the time they were back on their floor, it was well after midnight. “I don’t think I’ll be able to go back to meetings with you.”

“Oh, why?” he looked disappointed.

“Isn’t rule 13 that you’re not supposed to want to sleep with your group members when you’re healing?”

“Wanting to and doing it are two very different things,” he corrected her as he waited at his own door.

She smirked, “you’re right. Still don’t think I can go back with you, however.”

“I’ll probably have a case tomorrow, they normally take me out of town for at least a week, but when I get back, can I see you?” he asked lightly.

“Knock on my door when you get back,” she said before standing on her tiptoes to kiss him on the cheek. “See you.”

“Bye.”

They waved from their doors before departing, excited by something that felt better than drugs.

—

120 hours later there was a light knock at her door, she knows exactly how long it’s been because she’s been counting and looking out the door at every noise for the whole time he’s been gone. Waiting for him like a wife whose husband went off to war, not knowing when their next correspondence would be.

“Coming,” she called, stopping to fluff her hair and straighten her glasses before she opened the door.

“Spencer!”

“Hi,” he said softly.

She took a moment to look him over, a little in shock at what she saw. He was in a plain t-shirt and track pants, he had not one, but two black eyes, bandages on his brow bone and scrapes all along his arms.

“Are you okay?”

“You should see the other guy,” he giggled softly, rolling his eyes.

“Come in, let’s sit you down.” She worried, taking him by the elbow and helping him inside.

“I’m fine, really, I’m used to this.”

“Well I’m not,” she reminded him with a nervous pout, “am I allowed to ask about it or is it classified stuff?”

He sat on the couch and patted a seat beside himself so she would join him. He rested his arm against the back of the chair so that she could slide in beside him.

“Did you hear about the child abduction in Tampa?”

“Yeah? The two boys?”

“I was trying to talk the unsub down and he dropped the gun but he grabbed me as I turned him around and punched me in the face and we fell into the ditch and I luckily managed to flip over him and get his hands behind his back and cuffed faster than I ever have before.”

“You’re amazing,” she whispered.

He laughed, “if I really was, I would have waited for backup before talking to the guy.”

“I’ve always wanted to help other people get justice but not being able to go to school makes it hard to get a job doing anything meaningful,” she whispered, ashamed of the fact she wasn’t successful like most people her age.

“Our technical analyst was hired because she was an amazing hacker, they will hire anyone who is valuable.” He shrugs and watches her face light up at the idea.

“You know what, we have meetings all this week unless there’s an emergency, if you want I can show you around the office?” he offered. “It’s not illegal for you to pass by what I’m working on and notice something I missed.”

“Spencer, I don’t even know your last name and you’re inviting me to your government job? When just last week you asked, not so jokingly, if I was a secret agent trying to kill you and that you’ve been kidnapped before?”

“Doctor Spencer Reid, and what can I say?” he said shyly, “I’m trying to find excuses to see you smile all the time.”

She placed her hand on his cheek, the tips of her fingers lightly resting on his purple and yellow bruised eyes. She leaned in slowly and kissed him on the lips, so gently as if she’s afraid he’ll break or turn into a frog… he was too good to be true.

“You can see me whenever you want, Doctor Spencer Reid…”

He kissed her again, letting his hands roam her back and she trailed her free hand down his chest. She pulled back slightly to throw a leg over him carefully and sit in his lap. Holding his face in her hands now, she peppered kisses over his bruised face.

She stopped to look at him, still holding his face in her hands as his hands now rested on her hips. “I really like you, Spencer.”

“Really?”

She looks at him carefully, analyzing his response and seeing the hurt that rested deep inside of him, “I take it you’re like me?”

“What does that mean?”

“You try to not get too involved with people because no one has ever shown you true genuine interest or love, and you never think you’ll find it anyway so you push away all small acts of kindness, thinking it’s friendly because then you can’t get your hope up, just to have that person drop them?” she explained herself in a whisper.

He nodded, “you get it.”

She kissed his lips again, and then over his cheek and up to his ear, “I do.”

He looked extra sad when she pulled away, she just held his face gently as she mirrored his puppy dog eyes. Communicating with their eyes, she knew he was okay and he didn’t want to talk about it anymore, so she smiled.

“Want to watch a movie?” She asks softly.

He nods, looking behind her to see she doesn’t have a tv in the living room. “How?”

“In my room, the TV is on my dresser if you don’t mind sitting in my bed?”

He shakes his head in a simple no, picking her up and taking her to her room. He knew where it was purely because her apartment was just his but backwards. She laughs, holding onto him tight as she rests her head on his shoulder.

He sets her down gently, watching her move up to the headboard and wait for him. They got under the blankets and she found the remote in the sheet before she cuddled into him.

“You’re really cuddly,” she complimented him as he wrapped an arm around her and held her close. He kissed the top of her head as a thank you.

“I think I’m going to end up falling in love with you, Spencer Reid,” she whispers the words, afraid of them more than his response.

“I beat you to it,” he whispers right back.

She shoots up, turning to look at him with surprise. “How?”

He looks at her like she grew two heads, “what do you mean how?”

“How did you fall in love with me? You don’t even know me?” She’s so confused, no one has ever loved her before and it’s a lot to take in.

“Y/N…” his face drops, his heart physically breaks in front of her. “I don’t know you, you're right. Not all of you, at least. I’m sure you have your hidden doors and locked cupboards but from the outside, I see you’re so beautiful, you’re radiant… your mind is lovely. You’re so kind, you’re so brave, you’re everything I wish I could be as charismatically as you are.”

She’s just swallowing over and over as she shakes her head and breathes through her nose, processing it. She’s breathing deeply then, staring off and she feels like she’s having a new kind of panic attack. A happier one, somehow?

“I don’t like myself, but if you like me I guess I must be pretty nice,” she smiles, accepting his praise and believing him. “Yeah. Thank you, Spencer.”

He smiles then, it’s cute and press-lipped and she swears he almost has dimples. His eyes are like honey and his lips are like roses. She leans in, kissing him and reaching a hand back to cup the nape of his neck.

He doesn’t know it, but he’s the first person she’s kissed in a few years. They’re soft, peck after peck as they hold each other softly, eyes open as they watch each other experience the happiness of finding someone good, finally.

“I uh, I wanted to tell you I’m almost exactly everything you described yourself as in the meeting,” he whispers against her lips, the air touching her skin gently as she absorbs the words.

“What part? My diagnosis or my self-hatred?” She smiles, okay with either really.

“Almost both, I’m pretty hard to be around.”

She shakes her head, “I invited you in for a movie, not a pity party. You can tell me everything you hate right now and then we should just share the good parts okay? Brag about yourself. Tell me what you’re proud of.”

She was really serious, keeping a stern look on her face as she spoke. He nodded, “I’m anxious all the time, I’m always worried because I’ve never had anyone to worry about me. I don’t know how to be a real person really, all I do is drink coffee and solve crimes and I barely sleep. And the only time I was relaxed and okay is when I was on drugs.”

She nodded, “it fucking sucks, doesn’t it? Like why did we get stuck like this, I don't care about peaking in high school but didn’t we deserve some kind of love and support? I’ve never understood if souls and shit are real, why did mine pick this terrible meat suit and awful traumatic path?”

She’s crying because she’s angry and because she’s never said it to anyone before. He cries because she understands. She truly knows.

“I love you,” he announces. “Just because of that.”

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