#as someone who's hurt and angry about it and trying to distance herself from everything to cope

[ariadnesweb]

I have listened to 74 and Skies Forever Blue.

Personally I... don't think either really has much of a connection to Deltarune? I just think sometimes, authors really like exploring certain themes over and over again. Toby seems to enjoy exploring metafiction in video games, and subversions about 'what the people who fill certain 'classic archetypes' 'classic archetypes' in stories. (And I can't blame him, personally. I keep thinking up and writing stories where the 'chosen one' is subverted somehow.)

Could Dess and Kris end up mirroring the Princess and Knight in 74? It's not impossible. I've actually heard the theory that Kris is opening Dark Worlds to search for Dess in isolation from the song 74 before now. I've also always wondered why the creator of the Dark Worlds is called the Knight, and not the Maker or Author or Dreamer or Dragon or something like that. If the person who happened to be creating Dark Worlds was introducing themself as 'the Knight,' that'd be one thing, but it strikes me as kinda strange that the role itself is called the Knight. Furthermore, as I've also theorized in isolation, if Dess is meant to be an Asriel/Flowey parallel, it's possible that she does want to be rescued deep down, but feels she doesn't deserve it and thus lashes out and shoves people away.

So, analyzing themes Toby has done before and a few things about Deltarune. It's not impossible. But we know so incredibly little about Dess that some of us can't even agree on her species, so this seems to be another thing that seems like a big stretch to theorize about. Even if I, personally, like this kind of character and subversion of a lot more than 'what if Dess was a HOOMAN'

...That sad. I'd actually say that Deltarune already seems to have two characters that fit this particular parallel and subverson. Berdly and Noelle on a Snowgrave work as slightly less of a stretch. But really not much of a 1-1 parallel. XD

Mmhmm!

My first thoughts after listening to 74 and Skies Forever Blue was that both of these protagonists have 'Asriel' Vibes - 74 & Asriel are twists on 'Fairytales' - 74 has a perverted Princess & Asriel is secret 'Frog Prince' - while Skies Forever Blue's Girl has a similar tragedy to Asriel - a videogame NPC who has fallen in love with a careless HeroTM - and turns self-destructive because of said love.

(Both Asriel & the Girl also have a moment where in lue of a missing protagonist, they take control of the videogame world around them, making themselves the Protagonist, if only for a moment.)

...Leads one to think that Toby Fox loves deconstructing childhood fairytales. Applies similarly to Toriel, Undyne, Asgore, and Chara - twists on the Witchy Stepmom, the Hero, the Evil Demon King, and the Player Character.

Kris is a 'Hero' - a Knight in Shining Armor - and the twist is in plain sight - they are a Villain too - the fountain creator - and capable of being pushed to hurt Noelle.

(Not a statement on whether Kris WANTS to be the Villain - I don't think they do - which is probably why they let themselves be possessed)

The Most Obvious 'Princess' is Noelle - she's fits the bill for nice, well-born, and extremely passive - and she reminds me a lot of the Princess from 74 - because underneath the role of Princess she hides a decently complex and powerful person - and her own ability to hurt people.

(Susie rounds out the triad by being a Dragon/Villain with the ability to be a Hero - though I think we're missing a good chunk of her story still for me to comment on this - right now I view her as a Shonen Hero (like Naruto) in denial of her role, who would rather give it up to Kris and Ralsei.)

(Ralsei is purposely making himself a Tutorial Tip Fairy - so there's not much going on there until he breaks and grabs protagonistdom by the reins.)

Pretty much on the nose that Berdly is a corrupted Knight with Noelle as his Princess - though I don't think he'll have a similar 'Role' in the future - I think he'll relax in future chapters - and his relationships with the class / his family explored more.

I like to think he has younger/older siblings, and that's why he's so pressured to stand out.

#deltarune #deltarune headcanons #deltarune meta #? #sure #uh I have more thoughts but they're more disconnected so I'm gonna tag ramble #i sometimes imagine that Kriselle will end up as a corrupted version of zelda/link even in the normal route #where kris is too wild of a hero to be a knight and noelle is too manipulative of a princess to be a damsel #i recommend scrolling through @ganymedesclock 's zelda tag to better understand what i'm talking about #uh i've been influenced by your own thoughts on Dess and I also think she's a flowey parallel #as someone who's hurt and angry about it and trying to distance herself from everything to cope #but i also like the theory that she's gaster's scientific apprentice - so i think of her as also an alphys figure #in that she has done Unethical Science to kickstart the main plot and is struggling to take responsibility for said Science #which i think contrasts with some of our only Dess Info in that 'she likes sports' #uh i also have Thoughts on the role of Knight #being akin to being the 'Player Character' #with 'Angel' being a role akin to a Player (ie Us) #but I'm gonna wait until later chapters to comment on THAT - simply because we lack so much info #and also 'Angel' & 'Knight' are symbolic roles independent of video game metaphors #Berdly is a 'Knight' after all #soilai's labyrinth #chatter

[pathetic-sapphic]

Could you possibly write a fluff alphabet for jinx 😍

Jinx Fluff Alphabet

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

Jinx is a very clingy lover which means that she basically sticks to you like a baby koala. She doesn't mind doing anything as long as you're with her, but her favorite things to do with you are definitely vandalizing the city buildings with her art as well as watching movies together (movie night dates are a must).

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

She admires your kindness and your pure heart. She admires the way that someone as beautiful and good as you loves someone like her. In her eyes, you are perfect and can do no wrong. You're the only thing worth fighting for in this cruel world.

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

At first, she freezes up because you're the one who usually does the comforting so she feels a little lost for a moment. However, she leaps into action as soon as her brain registers your tears and hugs you tightly. She tries her best to remember and repeat the things you tell her whenever she feels down and is so gentle with you. Jinx has all the patience in the world for her beloved and she has no issue showing that. She just wants to be there for you and for that pretty smile to return to your face.

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

It's not often that Jinx thinks about the future, at least until you come along. Before you two started dating, she acted in a more risky manner, not really caring about what happens to her. However, when you come into the picture, that changes and she finds herself imagining the domestic life you two could have. She still isn't the type to plan out your future meticulously but there are many things she wishes to experience with you by her side which make it worth staying, if only so you wouldn't be alone.

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

More dominant, but that's simply her personality. She is upfront and blunt, and almost always takes the initiative. There are some things where she is hesitant to take the first step due to her lack of experience so she appreciates a partner who will help guide her and show their support. Jinx greatly appreciates a patient partner who is willing to experience new things with her.

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

I see her as someone who may pout for a while, but only asks for a kiss in exchange for her forgiveness if the matter isn't serious. If you do something more dire and truly hurt her, then she is tough to forgive. She will most likely keep her distance and avoid you, so you'll need to chase her for a bit before making her listen to your explanation and apology. If she deems it enough, her angry facade slowly melts away but she will still be weary for a while.

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

Very grateful, when she notices. Sometimes Jinx doesn't think about why things turn out the way they do and she won't take note of the ways in which you help her out. However once she does, she is a very grateful and appreciative lover. She loves rewarding you and making you little gifts in return. She just has so much love to give.

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

Jinx tends to hide important things and overshare the not so important ones. She may hide from you the lengths she went in order to achieve something. For example, you don't have to know what awful things she did to the man who catcalled you last week but it's important that you're aware of how many times she had to pee yesterday. Has no shame whatsoever.

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

Yes and yes. Before meeting you, she thought herself to be incapable of change, a hopeless sort of person. But you managed to somehow worm your way into her heart and make her work on her issues. Thanks to you, she sleeps more and eats regularly and she also takes better care of herself. Hates seeing the sad look you wear whenever she gets hurt so she tries to be more careful. You also made her calmer, always being there for her during her episodes and helping her whenever she has anger outbursts. You'll change too, as she'll push you out of your comfort zone and make sure you experience life to the best of your abilities.

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

Oh yeah, Jinx is a very jealous and possessive lover. Not to mention that she doesn't deal with it well. If it was up to her, she'd gladly put a bullet into the head of anyone who dares even look at you or touch you. This all comes from a place of insecurity and the inability to deal with her negative feelings well. You'll have to help reassure her and comfort her, convince her that you'd never leave her and teach her how to trust you more.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

It depends on the kinds of kisses you like but hers are possessive, passionate and fierce. Your first kiss with Jinx was mostly likely very clumsy and awkward, both of you giggling as your teeth clashed awkwardly. She pours her heart and soul into each kiss, wanting you to feel the full force of her love towards you. Often presses kisses all over your face, especially when she has a stronger lipstick on. After all, she needs to mark her territory properly.

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

She'd probably blurt it out accidentally or surprise you with a huge graffiti saying: '(Y/n), will you be mine?' with the answering options being 'Yes' or 'Hell yes', because she's sweet like that. Jumps into the air like a kid on Christmas morning once you return her affections and swoops you into a hug that punches all the breath out of you. You can't complain though, especially when you see the pure joy and love on her face.

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

Jinx doesn't think that marriage is necessary because why would you need a stupid piece of paper to prove her love for you? However, she would agree if she noticed you wanting it badly and she cannot deny that the sound of a ceremony and a party dedicated to your love sounds pretty nice. She also really wants to see you in wedding attire.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

Trinket, cutie, sweetie, babe, hot stuff, pookie (unironically), baby and toots.

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

Oh, she is very obvious and open with her feelings. Wants everyone to know you're hers and hers only. As soon as she notices someone talking to you, she is glued to your side, pressing constant kisses to your cheek and holding your hand in hers. Ready to shout her love for you from the rooftop at any given moment.

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

Extremely upfront and has no concept of PDA. Basically lives on your lap and glares at anyone who might even think about making a move on you. Constantly brags about how sweet and pretty and perfect you are, even if you aren't there. Wants everyone to know that she bagged you and how happy she is to be in a relationship in you.

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

Jinx makes amazing and thoughtful gifts for you. She is very affectionate and attentive to your likes and dislikes. Often tinkers on various projects which end up being little tokens of appreciation for you. She'll make anything, from decorations to more practical stuff such as jewelry.

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

Extremely romantic and gets very creative with it! Jinx is fond of big acts of affection and nothing is too big or hard to do when it comes to the love of her life. More than willing to try and reach for the stars if that would make you happy. Constantly takes you out on dates and surprises you with thoughtful gestures.

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

She is your number one supporter but at the same time hates seeing you so stressed or serious. Also often proves herself to be a bit of a distraction but backs off once you explain how important it is for you to focus. You'll always have her full support and she truly believes that you're the smartest and most capable person in the world.

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

Yes, Jinx loves experimenting and trying out new things with you. She has little to no relationship experience so she adores learning new stuff with you by her side.

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

Knows you better than anyone but can come off as cold sometimes. Jinx struggles a lot with showing vulnerability and this can make it hard for her to comfort you. Also acts dismissive at times but quickly switches up if she sees that she truly hurt you.

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

You are worth everything to Jinx and she is ready to set the world on fire in order to keep you warm.

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

Her favorite sleeping position is with her body draped over yours and her head laying on your chest. Your heartbeat helps keep her calm and keeps the nightmares at bay.

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

Extremely affectionate! Jinx is incredibly touch starved and clingy, needs to have some sort of physical contact with you at all times. She is big on cuddling and sneaks in kisses whenever she can!

Y earning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

Badly, she tends to work on her projects in order to distract herself. This leads to her falling back into her old habits of neglecting her health. She just cannot function properly without you by her side because she got so used to your presence being there at all times.

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lenghts for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

As I mentioned before, Jinx is willing to sacrifice everything for someone she truly loves. However, to get to that requires a lot of time and trust. But once you get there you'll realize that she is an extremely giving and protective partner.

#arcane #arcane x reader #arcane headcanons #jinx x reader #jinx x you #jinx alphabet #jinx fluff #jinx x reader fluff

[kurogane2512]

If that okay, can I please get headcanon of Himiko, Kafka, and Natasha trying to help female reader to deal with anger issues? Like as the fluff and maybe a little angst, if you're comfortable with it.

Yes, of course! So sorry for being late and thank you for waiting <3

Game: Honkai Star Rail

Characters: Himeko, Kafka, Natasha x fem!reader

Type: Fluff (dealing with anger issues)

Natasha

She's very caring and kind, honestly a medicine by herself. You are her childhood friend since the days at Rivet Town, you know everything about each other and are practically inseparable. You have always been each other's best support and had a mutual crush, eventually forming a romantic relationship.

You have always been a bit short-tempered due to how life in the Underworld was but she always knows how to calm you and soothe you. When she was accused of killing her brother out of jealously, you were the only one to be by her side and believe in her. At present, you help her around the clinic and other activities.

"Y/n, my love, could you deliver these medicines to the elders down the street?"

Natasha requested and you easily accepted, going out to deliver her medicines to the mentioned address. On the way, some children from around the town huddled around you requesting you to play with them. You had delivered the medicines and were on the way back when you overheard some people talking about Natasha.

"Hey, don't you think Natasha's medicines have been ineffective recently?"

"Recently? I believe they never worked. Her brother was the true miracle artist, she's nothing compared to him."

"Huh, and to imagine she killed him for that. In the end, her medicines still don't work and we lost someone truly skilled."

Such gossip happened rarely now but it always made you lose control. You ended up initiating a fight with the group, kicking and punching them for mocking Natasha. These were the moments you'd get truly angry; you didn't tolerate any of this. The kids end up calling Natasha to stop you, who hurriedly apologizes to everyone and drags you back to the clinic.

"My love, I have told you so many times not to fight that way...." Natasha pleads while sitting beside you and applying medicine on your wounds.

You scoff, "Hmph, they were making fun of you. I won't tolerate that!"

"Y/n....I have told you to control it, haven't I? Look how you injured your cute face...."

She gently rubbed on your wounds with the cotton swab, making you blush slightly and look away.

"W-Well, it does pain a bit...."

"It does? Well then let me soothe you~"

She turned your face towards herself and planted soft kisses on it, especially on the wounds. Her lips travelled all over your face and you pulled her closer to make her straddle your lap, arms wrapping around your neck as you place your lips on hers. This was the best way to calm you, just be in her loving embrace and feel her body on yours.

She chuckled as she pulled away, "It's so cute how you can be so assertive at one moment then become so childish the next~"

You blush and hug her closely, keeping your face in the crook of her neck while she caresses the back of your head and pecks your forehead. "Thank you, my love but please, don't hurt yourself any more."

"Okay....sorry for increasing your work."

"Hehe~ You'll compensate by working extra for me~"

Himeko

Himeko's nature is quite mysterious; she's motherly and kind on surface but deep down she harbors loneliness. The two of you met in the most unlikely circumstances, then fell in love in even more unlikeliness. You were a researcher at Herta Space Station, one of the closest to Herta. You had met Himeko a couple of times when the Express came there and you two naturally bonded over some shared interests.

However, forming a long-distance relationship didn't turn out as you had expected. She'd be away for months, cruising around in the Express and going to new places, meeting new people. While you were stuck in that floating monument with a hell of a boss to deal with. Herta's antics would already make you irritated enough, then the loneliness from not meeting your lover would also contribute.

"Y/n, have you run the tests I asked yesterday?" Herta asked as she paced around the lab while you were sitting on your desk, looking at your phone and not hearing her.

"Y/n? Oi, I asked you something!" she lightly punched your shoulder, making you quickly stand up and bow.

"S-Sorry, did you say something?"

"Seriously! Stop looking at your phone all the time. This is the third time I have caught you this week already! She'll reply when she has time, get on with your work!"

You gritted your teeth and slammed the table, catching Herta off guard. But you held back your emotions and instead stormed out of the lab and went to your room. You slammed the door shut and leaned against it, fists clenched, when you noticed the lamp of your desk was switched on and a note was kept on it.

You walked up to the desk and picked up the note only to be immediately surprised as it was from none other than Himeko herself. She hadn't replied to your messages nor called in over a week, it was the first time you went so long without any contact. Yet, finding a handwritten letter from her was the last thing you were expecting.

"Dear Y/n, listen, i know this isn't easy for you and I'm so proud of you for keeping up. Wait for me, okay? i long to see you too and when I can....I'll love you dearly." -Himeko.

You were confused as to how the letter even reached here when suddenly a pair of arms was wrapped around you, a familiar fragrance and presence embracing you.

"Sshh~ It's me." Himeko whispered as she buried her face in your neck and hugged you closely. You stood frozen at your place, too surprised to respond.

"Surprise~" she mused and kissed your neck, happily giggling.

"....When did you come?" you coldly asked, making her slightly surprised at your dull reaction.

"Hm? Just some minutes ago. I heard Herta shouting at you, was everything fine?"

"Yes..."

She furrowed her brows and held you tighter, "What is it? Are you not happy to see me?"

You remained silent and she became worried then turned you around to look at you.

"Are you angry about the messages? I'm sorry, it was really busy this past week. And I had already planned to stop by so I thought it'd be a nice way to make you surprised."

You pursed your lips and mumbled, "I thought you didn't love me anymore...."

Himeko's eyes widened and she cupped your face, "What? No— Why would I—?!"

"I thought you wanted to break up and get this over with! I thought it's an inconvenience for you and maybe you found someone better! I....I got frustrated and....I didn't know what to do!"

You shouted and tears formed in your eyes, she was even more shocked. You were about to speak more but she quickly leaned in and placed her lips on yours, roughly kissing you. Your hands grabbed her shoulders as hers snaked around your waist and she pushed you against the desk, making you lean on the edge.

She kissed you deeply and passionately, her way of telling you how much she loved you and that your fears were unfounded. She let go after a while and immediately kissed your neck, licking at a spot and biting followed by sucking, a mark forming on your skin.

"I missed you, my darling. And I still love you very dearly, you have no idea how difficult it was for me without you as well. I promise I won't make you feel that way ever again. Will you forgive me?"

You slowly smiled and nodded, "Of course. I'm....very happy to see you, I missed you too."

Kafka

Oh god, she won't tolerate you being angry at all. Jk, but don't worry she has her ways to quell your anger for sure. You are a Stellaron Hunter and it hasn't been long since you joined. Naturally, you are an amateur compared to veterans like her and Silver Wolf. This also meant that you were incompetent and failed some missions.

You weren't given any major missions but there had been a few important ones where you performed below expectations and angered the higher-ups. Nobody liked getting an earful, and you particularly didn't have fond memories of it. You'd end up thrashing your room after every scolding in order to get out your frustration, and perhaps that's exactly what attracted Kafka.

"Y/n, what is this?! Another failed mission! This is twice in a row, are you even serious about your position?!" Elio shouted over the phone, making you squirm away and grit your teeth.

"I-I'm sorry...I—"

"I want you back at the HQ tomorrow, anyhow. Otherwise....you won't hear from us again, ever."

He cut the phone and you clicked your tongue before standing up and kicking the chair followed by throwing away the books across the room as you cursed yourself for being so weak and incompetent.

"Ooh~ This time the damage isn't much~"

A familiar voice spoke from behind and you turned around to see Kafka standing at the door, whistling to herself as she leisurely walked inside.

"So? What is it this time?"

"....He wants me at the HQ tomorrow."

"My, too bad. But it makes sense. You jeopardized the mission quite badly this time. Do you realize what is at stake here? One wrong move and you will be caught by the Peace Corporation and jailed, or much worse....executed. Do you how realize how troublesome it would be for the rest of us?"

She continued speaking— lecturing, to be precise. Kafka usually didn't care about others, much less her colleagues. However, a part of her seemed to care for you as a lover and partner and her lecturing was to help you improve. But she didn't always choose the right time.

"Don't lecture me about stakes and my incompetence! I wi—"

She suddenly pushed you to the wall behind and pinned you, covering your mouth her hand.

"Sssh, now don't you interrupt again when I'm talking~"

You glared at her, she removed her hand and you were about to talk back but she connected her lips with yours and stopped you from speaking. Her body pressed against you as she went deeper and more sensual, making you forget all your anger and instead be focused on her.

"Hmm~ It's almost too easy to shut you up this way. I wonder how others would react if they knew of this~"

"H-How dare you— mhm!~"

She again kissed you, this time slipping her tongue in and rolling it with yours. Your muffled voices resounded in the room until she finally let go, both of you panting with reddened faces.

"Looks like you have lost all steam now. Call me again in case you need it~"

#honkai star rail #honkai star rail x reader #hsr #himeko x reader #hsr himeko x reader #natasha x reader #hsr natasha x reader #kafka x reader #hsr kafka x reader #hsr natasha #hsr kafka #hsr himeko #hsr fluff #honkai star rail fluff

[littlexscarletxwitch]

── ༊*·˚⋆ 𝗵𝗼𝗹𝗱 𝗺𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗵𝘂𝗿𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗺𝗲

paring: yelena belova x gn!reader

tag(s): fluff, kinda sad, hurt/comfort, a bit of angst but not really (?), i love yel so much, she deserves the whole universe, it almost made me cry for some reason, i fucking love cinnamon girl

warning(s): grammatical errors, unedited

word count: 1.1k

note: i'm so happy with this one, it got me so emotional, i hope you guys like it as well. I'm not a native english speaker, so please let me know about any sort of mistake. LOVE YOU ALL! <3

requests are open! + check my rule here + masterlist <3

You knew she had it pretty shitty growing, ‘pretty shitty’ didn’t even begin to describe her entire childhood.

She had the worst of the worst. Her entire life was a lie, the only normal days of her life were completely bullshit. So you completely understood her trust issues, her need to cut you off and distance herself from you. You understood why she did everything she could to push you away, but still you refuse to leave her side.

Yelena had a hard time admitting it aloud, but she needed you as much as her lungs needed oxygen, as much as a fish needs water, as much as a plant needs sunlight. But she was scared, scared of herself, of you, of her feelings. Everything was new to her, she needed time to adjust, to understand, to learn. But another part of her, the girl trapped in the red room, didn’t want any of it. That girl believed that it was better to be alone in this big cold world than have someone by her side, someone who would ultimately turn their back on her. And it would all be a big fat lie all over again.

Your mind trailed back to the very first argument the two of you had had. You couldn’t remember exactly what the point of it was, long forgotten in your memory. But what stuck with you was her choice of words.

[…]

“Oh, my god! Just leave! Leave like the rest of them,” she yelled at you, tears stung her eyes.

And at that moment everything became crystal clear, she wanted that fight. She had been looking for a way for you to leave her easily, a way out for you that would cause you no harm, all while she had to bare it for herself. That was how she wanted it, she preferred to hurt alone than have someone by her side who would ultimately shatter her to pieces.

You stood there for a second, raised your head tall and found her eyes.

“I’m not leaving,” slowly you moved closer to her, your hand reaching out for hers. “You hear me? I am not leaving,” you repeated, carefully saying every word so she would understand. “I am not going anywhere, okay? I’m right here.”

Her eyes were fixed on you, tears already rolling down her cheeks, and then she crumbled into your arms. You held her tight against your chest, caressing her hair, whispering sweet nothings.

[…]

You felt warm spreading through your chest at the memory, snuggling your head into the crook of her neck, seeking for her warmth. You closed your eyes as another memory came to your mind.

[…]

“I just… I don't think this is going to work out,” she said, her russian accent got thicker as she spoke slowly.

“What? The movie?” you chuckled, clueless as to what she was referring to.

“Us, Y/n. I don’t think we are going to work out,” this time she had the courage to look at you.

“And why is that?” you knew why she was saying it, but sometimes you knew she needed to express her feelings so you could say the words she needed to hear.

“You know why. I carry a lot of shit, and it’s not fair for you or me to be in this situation. I believe it would be better if we just—.”

You cut her off, not waiting to hear anymore. “Would you like that? Would you like for me to leave right now? Just say the world and I will,” you said, not angry, not hurt, more like you stated.

“I… I mean…,” she didn’t find the words because she didn’t want you to leave, but she couldn't admit it aloud.

“You know what, Yel, you try to push me out. But I just find my way back in,” you cupped her cheeks and she closed her eyes, finding comfort in your touch. “Everytime you find reasons for me to walk away, I just find more reasons to stay,” a tear rolled down her cheek which you gently wiped away with your thumb. “I already told you, Yelena. But I will keep on repeating it as many times as you need to hear it: I am not going anywhere. You are stuck with me, okay? You are not getting rid of me that easily,” you joked in hopes that she would find the last part funny.

She did, she giggled as her eyes shot open to find yours already looking at hers. She pecked your lips once, then twice, as if making sure you were real. And once you didn’t evaporate in front of her eyes, she properly kissed you, rough cold lips against soft warm lips.

[…]

You smiled at the memory, as another one popped in your brain.

[…]

“You know this is new to me right?” she whispered, not sure if you were already sleeping or wide awake.

“What? Cuddling?” you joked, turning around to face her.

“Ha, ha, very funny. Not that, this,” she gestured around with her hands, but she wasn’t referring to the place.

“I know… I know,” you whispered, trailing the features of her face with your fingertips.

“Like…,” she struggled to find the right words. “Like if you hold me without hurting me, you’ll be the first who ever did.”

Your heart sank at her words. How can someone so perfect as her, so worthy, so full of life be as broken as her. She didn’t deserve this, any of it. If you could just give her, the sky, the stars, the sun, the moon and the entire universe, you would. She deserved that and more. But you couldn’t, so you had to settle to love her in every way you possibly could.

“I’m deeply sorry, my love. I truly am. But I’m here now, okay?” you leaned into her. “I’m here and I will always be. You won’t ever have to be alone again.”

“Hold me, love me, touch me, honey,” she embraced you tightly. “Be the first who ever did,” she kissed the top of your head, letting sleep take over her.

[…]

A tear rolled down your cheek at the memory, which Yelena noticed as the drop landed on her shirt.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” her soft raspy voice reached your ears.

“Oh, nothing,” you sat on the bed, quickly wiping away your single tear. “I was just thinking,” you chuckled.

“What were you thinking about?” she smiled at you, but you could sense some worry in her tone.

“I was just thinking how lucky I am to be here with you,” you sniffled, looking at her with loving eyes. “Hey do you wanna go out? I want to take you out on a date,” a smile formed on your face.

“What for?” she chuckled, cupping your cheek.

“Can’t I just take my lovely girlfriend out on a date?” you couldn't hold back the smile on your face. “Come on, get your sexy ass off of the bed, I’m taking you out.”

“Okay, okay, I’m going,” she said, unable to hold back her smile as well.

Likes, comments and reblogs are appreciated! <3

-M

#yelena belova #yelena belova x reader #yelena belova x gn reader #yelena belova x fem reader #yelena belova x y/n #yelena belova x you #yelena belova imagine #yelena belova fluff #florence pugh #littlexscarletxwitch's fic #Spotify #[🎧⊹♡] based on songs i love

[adrift-in-thyme]

If Fi being asleep means she wasn't the one choosing to do it... That only leaves Hylia, doesn't it? Time certainly didn't seal HIMSELF for 7 years and any malicious or evil entity would have just killed him outright

Yes? But also no

Now we’re diving into total headcanon territory, so if you (or anyone else) don’t agree with any of this that’s totally fine! This is just how I interpret the games and deal with Hylia and Fi in my au.

So, it’s difficult to figure out my own thoughts on this because LoZ lore is crazy, and neither Hylia nor Fi are even mentioned in OoT. But the way I see it, despite her slumber, Fi can still make choices. She was the one who realized Time was too young and sealed him in the temple, entrusting him to Rauru’s care. At the same time, she was also carrying out Hylia’s will since that’s what she was created to do. (Accomplish the tasks Hylia would have wanted her to, when she still retained the powers of a goddess.)

First doesn’t know exactly how much influence either of them had, however. Mostly because none of the heroes do. They have an idea (which is why Time strongly dislikes the sword. He knows it’s the thing that sealed him and changed him. But he has no clue about Hylia, at least in canon. In my au, he kinda knows about her? But just a general idea from what Sky’s told him).

But ideas are all they’ve got. Even Sky doesn’t know the entirety of it. He and Sun are still trying to sort through everything they went through and learned.

And so, because First knows so little about the situation he takes it out on the two people he knows the most about.

Himself and Fi. Mostly, himself, because that’s just how he is.

(And it’s far easier to berate himself instead of one of the only people left from his time, one that he was close to and helped create.)

His relationship with Hylia is complicated. He was angry with her for a while before the war with the Demon King. Much like the Christian idea of God allowing us to go through hardships to hone us into someone stronger, Hylia allowed him to go through some serious crap so he could transform the Master Sword.

And though she endured it with him, it was at a distance. Unlike the Christian God, who is perfect, she is more like a human. She can make mistakes and hurt the people she loves.

His fate was willed by the gods. She couldn’t stop it, and even if she could she knew she shouldn’t. So she distanced herself. Which harmed them both more on the long run.

But in his final moments, First forgave her for all that. Fighting beside her again reminded him that she hurt too. And while that didn’t excuse her actions, it allowed him to understand them a bit.

And now that he’s got a new lease on life, he really doesn’t want to be angry with her again. It’s not that he couldn’t be (YES he wishes she had found a way to ensure the heroes were all young men instead of young boys) but what good does it do?

Especially when there’s the Demon King to hate

#first hates no one else except the demon king #…and maybe lord dagianis lol #but anyway #hopefully that makes sense #like I said it’s hard to get my thoughts on the subject together #lovely bumblebeekitten #trin answers #linkeduniverse #lu first #first meets the chain au #huh this kinda became a hylink lore drop too lol #what can I say? #I’m obsessed with their relationship

[namig42]

Part 3/7 of this ask from @inaconstantstateofchange!

Let's discuss my bardic bhaalspawn:

Vero

Her greatest struggle is the dark urges within her, and she spends the entirety of her life after amnesia resisting her evil in order to be good and kind. She's not always successful, but she found a support system to help her through, all while trying to maintain this sense of elegance and strength. She's messy, but does her absolute best to hide that fact behind her poised facade. She may not be a noble, but she will do her absolute best to present herself as one and seem like she is in control.

Let's examine the path if she had been lucky enough to not be born a bhaalspawn.

Vero would've been born into a noble house of high elves and raised to be a proper lady. She would've excelled at her role and taken great pride in it, indulging in the praise and admiration of those around her as she exceeded all expectations. She would be intelligent, articulated in speech, talented in every artform she studied, and revel in her skills and flawless execution of the role she embodied.

Perfection only lasts for so long though, and eventually something would make her stumble, and when she finally did, she'd fall hard. Within her house, she would be seen as too perfect by other family members that would feel threatened by Vero's perfection. The house of the family has a great deal of political power, and if Vero wasn't taken down a notch, she was certain to one day become matriarch and take everything for herself. Vero is normally aware enough to evade any attacks on her character from these jealous family members, but one day she'd eventually miss something. Someone would embarrass her somehow. Perhaps they drug her during a social gathering, sabotage Vero by hurting her or vandalizing her appearance, maybe even go as far as to try shoving her down a flight of stairs and making it look like an accident. Any one of these things would be a notable blight on Vero's flawless reputation, and it would only spiral in Vero's head from there. Even if other's would forget her momentary shame, she wouldn't be able to. She's tried so hard for perfection, but that first stain would always be there, always be remembered by her, and never quite leave.

Vero would fall harder into her expectations, performing them with a bit less grace and ease than before since she was more panicked now, but would still maintain her elegant image to the best of her ability. She'd always be paranoid of trusting anyone, thinking everyone was jealous of her station and out to get her. Being immersed in her household's politics and standards would only ruin her, but it's all she knows. It's all she wants. Vero only knows herself in these expectations. Outside of her role, no one knows her, not even herself. Finding companionship of any kind would be off the table unless Vero could find a way to distance herself from her station. Until then, she's trapped herself in her own mind.

If she still found herself taken by the nautiloid, she'd be just as terrified of being infected and disgusted by the idea. The fact that she'd been tainted by something so disgusting as a parasite would drive her insane, at least until she found others who shared her affliction. The comradery she would find because of the parasite would help her grow and learn more about herself as well as find companionship with people who have no clue who she is and want nothing of her. It's refreshing. She would try to maintain her sense of dignity and elegance for the first few nights, but would find her facade slipping every so often when Astarion confided in her or when Lae'zel made some silly remark that she took completely seriously. Vero found herself laughing with others, caring for others, getting angry at others, and the whole experience would give Vero the idea that maybe it wouldn't be so bad if she gave up that status she tried to maintain for so long. Being hung up on the persona she was so dedicated to crafting only hurt her, so perhaps it was time to let go of it and allow herself to be a little more careless, a little more crass, and find a new version of herself that felt more organic. She'd definitely branch out and try things she's never done on her way to Baldur's Gate, and by the time she would reach the city, she would visit her home one last time to say farewell and revoke her position. From there, she'd go off into the world, maybe with a companion or two, ready to learn who she really is outside of all the chaos.

---

This whole thing was actually what I intended Vero's backstory to be before I started my first durge run with her. I had this whole idea of how the dark urge thoughts surfaced one day when she was young and in her first act of Bhaal, she murdered her family without realizing until it was too late. From there, she fell into the hands of Bhaal and became the Dark Urge, Bhaal's chosen.

That definitely changed when the game gave her lore for me, but I had a plan just in case it didn't.

Before any of that though, Vero was meant to be an actual noble that found herself trapped in her own expectations and ideas of perfection, and would spend the journey to Baldur's Gate learning who she is outside of all of that.

#bg3 #writing #durge #vero #mine #ask #long post

[mdzs-owns-my-ass-i-guess]

Generational

A character study ficlet on Yanli. I've only ever done this once before and I wanted to try again. Let me know if you enjoyed it <3!

Jiang Yanli knows her father's presence in her life is important. As a man, as an example. She has often heard of girls marrying men in the likeness of their fathers, or, if they had no father, in the likeness of the closest man they found paternal love in.

Yanli knows the choice has already been made for her before she could understand it - she would marry the man her mother had assigned for her, and she would never see for herself if her heart would truly pull her towards someone like Jiang Fengmian or not.

Yanli thinks of her father, sometimes. He is calm, gentle, if not a little detached, like he's living his life only half present. He can be firm and decisive as a sect leader - but not as a husband or a father. He doesn't even try, because Yu Ziyuan overpowers him every time - and he lets her, only half protesting, meaningless, a twitch of the strength of character he should express but doesn't.

He often appears resigned, tired, disillusioned. He lets Yu Ziyuan scream and throw insults and accusations at him and he takes it until he can't anymore - and then he storms off God-knows-where, his eyes cloudy with anger and resentment.

He's calm, serene and distant whenever he returns, though, no shadow of his earlier torment on his face. He does not yell or insult or accuse. He trains his son and Wei Wuxian to the best of his abilities and never berates them for any mistakes in the way Yu Ziyuan does - he doesn't praise the boy either, but it's leagues better than the woman's dismissive praise.

Yanli wonders if she would have ever chosen a man like that to marry. If that would have been the type of person she would fall in love with.

Yanli sometimes thinks of her mother, too. Her anger, her aggression, the way she is distant too, but in a way that's different from her husband. Her distance is angry and resentful and berating, she is revolted and repulsed with everything and everyone. With herself, with her children, with her life. She never smiles, she's never pleased, she's never kind.

Yanli loves her mother because it's natural for her to - but her mother is callous and dismissive of her, treats her with marginal disdain, as if she's so insignificant it's pitiable. They share the same burden, womanhood, yet Yu Ziyuan never does anything to lighten Yanli's load. Ever since she was young, Yanli has known that she was ill, unfit and too weak to be a cultivator - so all she would be reduced to would be somebody's wife. A homemaker, a quiet and submissive thing in a man's household - the very opposite of what Yu Ziyuan has been in her own home.

Yanli doesn't mind. She likes to cook and sew and take care of the young - she doesn't like to think about what it would be like to do other things, to frolick around like her brothers do, to go on night hunts with friends, to do whatever she wants.

She loves Jin Zixuan. She hasn't always loved him, but she is not like her mother - she is kind and loving and forgiving, and she knows Zixuan's hurt is both too similar and too different from her own. Yanli is patient and hates conflict and she is gentle and quiet. It is easy for her to love Zixuan because of this.

He is not at all like her father, Yanli can easily tell. He is not like her mother, either. And he only carries little of his own parents.

Yanli gives birth to a healthy baby boy and can only wonder - who is he going to be more like?

As she is dying, she can only hope it will be neither.

#mdzs #mo dao zu shi #writing attempts #jyl

[worlds-4th-best-dad]

what made u want to become a policeman?

Heh, well ain't this a funny sight? Just a few weeks ago, I helped conduct a seminar on stranger danger at a local preschool and some of the kids asked the same thing.

Given that you ain't your average five-year-old, I'll fill you in on more details on my road to the force than the sugar-coated one I handed out to them kids.

Well, that's what I would've done if Tumblr hadn't crashed multiple times before I finished it...

And I worked so hard to go into detail too...

Well, anyway, a summarized version it is then.

I really wanted to buy a Gundam model when I was a kid. I earned and saved my allowance into a piggy bank, but it wasn't enough.

I felt cheated and angry so I stole the toy from the store and ran home with it.

I showed it to my mom, who made my dad come over from his paper to see it.

Dad was happy for a bit, before asking questions and ordering me to see the piggy bank.

Dad figured out that I stole it when he felt the bank was full of money and proceeded to beat a lesson into me.

The only reason I didn't get beaten into a fine pulp was my mom breaking the heavy piggy bank over my dad's head and immediately rushing me to the hospital.

Ever since then, my mom was protective of me and my dad slowly distanced himself from us.

His distancing then turned into absences that began with a single day and turning into multiple weeks.

Me and my mom found out that my dad was never coming home when a police officer came over to our house to say that my dad died on the streets.

Apparently, his absences was for his petty theft spree since he lost his job and the money for the family was running dry.

And that's about it. Honestly, looking back on this, I really put a lot of detail in my story that could've been shorter. Can't blame a man from trying, I guess.

Anyway, the important parts of this story that made me want to become a policeman was when my dad beat me till I was black and blue and my mom saving me from entering the Pearly Gates early. I'm sure you understand what I'm trying to tell you at this point, but I'll still say it regardless.

When I was on the floor, bracing my little body from the blows from my dad, that's when I truly felt like my entire world crumbling before me. I felt many things during that harrowing experience. A lot of pain, obviously, but I also felt so small, like I can be blown away in a gust of wind. Yet, I wanted that, an escape from the ruins of my world. To get away from being the poor fool who got caught in the crossfire at the battleground that was once home.

And yet, when I thought I was done for, I heard a smash in the numbing silence and the tinkling of hope. The next thing I knew, the punches stopped and I was being carried off to who knows where before I passed out from the pain.

When I finally woke up from the pain, I was lying in a hospital bed in the Sakurami City General Hospital. My mom wasn't in the room with me, but when I rustled around the bed to get comfortable, she bursted from the door and immediately hugged me, tears in my eyes, and told me that everything was over and no one was going to hurt me anymore.

It was at that moment I knew what I wanted to be. I wanted to be someone like my mom, who risked getting herself beat up to save someone like me, a petty thief in dire need, from people like my dad, who didn't hesitate to become violent at the drop of a hat. After asking my teacher if there was a kind of job like that, they told me that sounds similar to a police officer and the rest was history.

Sorry, for the long story, but I had to get a lot of it out for you to get the full picture.

I hope my answer satisfied your question, Reisuke.

#now if you'll excuse me i'm gonna go grab a donut and a drink to forget my dad again #reports #mutuals (derogatorily affectionate) #asks

[starlessskies94]

If I Ever Were To Lose You (Joel & Ellie)

A/N: This one has been in my drafts for way too long, but i finally had the motivation to finish it. I hope you like it. This is obviously based on the flashback finding strings but I've tweak it to make it take place after Joel's attack with the fireflies Enjoy!!

What makes a dad? Ellie wasn't really sure. She'd never known her own father; he had already passed before she was even born. Then again she didn't know much about having a mom either. The closest she'd gotten to that was Marlene, and even then the woman didn't exactly have the best maternal instincts. She'd said so herself when Ellie had found herself bitten, immune and with nowhere else to go.

She figured Joel was kinda like a dad. But she'd never called him that. Joel was just...Joel. Right?

He did do dad stuff she supposed. He taught her how to shoot; how to craft weapons on the road, how to swim, how to play guitar and a thousand other things she could go on listing. He always kept an eye out for more comics while on patrol or supply runs because he knew they were her favourite. Not to mention the best freaking birthday she'd ever experienced when she turned sixteen.

But then he had lied and she had been so angry. So betrayed and hurt by everything that he had done without her knowledge. Taking away any and all responsibility and choices that had rightfully been hers. In the two years the teen had distanced herself; she could still never bring herself to outright hate Joel for what he had done. There were days she'd sit alone, idle fingers strumming against the strings of her guitar and lose herself in thought.

A string of endless questions raced through her mind. But the one she was always left with was:

Did Joel regret what he had done?

She eventually got her answer that night on the porch. The night she'd finally had the strength to reach out and try to heal some of the wounds that now scarred their relationship. The night before she'd almost lost him for good.

The moment she realised just how stupid this whole fucking argument had been. She didn't need to remember what had happened that day. She relived it every time she slept, it was forever burned into her mind for eternity.

She'd wanted nothing more than to go after those fuckers for almost taking away the only family she had ever known; her anger and pain shaking her down to her core. Never feeling that kind of hate before to the point she was almost scared of how far she'd been willing to go in order to avenge Joel. It quickly brought her to the realisation that was exactly what he must've felt almost losing her. She'd hidden from it for so long...her denial rearing its head to block out the truth that for once there was actually someone who cared enough to stop at nothing to keep her safe.

After months of recovery she'd insisted on going on every patrol Joel was assigned to; there had been no argument from either Tommy or Maria. They understood. And even though Joel had joked that he didn't need to be babysat by the teenage girl; he'd secretly enjoyed being out on the road with her again. The two quickly falling back into their routine of watching each other's back and splitting up to look for supplies and possible stragglers. 

It had felt awkward at first; being out again. Finding their way to an old hotel after the road had collapsed; leaving their path blocked. Ellie had offered to crawl in through the small gap by the front door. Making it inside she was quick to take a quick sweep of the place before moving to unlock the door for Joel. She winced with narrowed eyes as the sunlight flooded through the door, greeted by Joel leaning against the doorway.

"Well hello," Ellie said with a smile.

"Howdy," Joel replied, waltzing in through the door. The teen stepped to the side as he walked past, taking a second to adjust his backpack.

"You impressed?" She asked smugly, but Joel just scoffed playfully. "Nope. You're just too skinny, you need to eat more."

Ellie just rolled her eyes and laughed, falling behind Joel's footsteps.

"Pssh...' Gee thanks kiddo, you're super helpful'." She imitated in her own version of Joel's Texan accent. "Oh yeah...no problem, you're welcome dad." She uttered under her breath, Joel paused at her words turning back towards her but she'd already darted into a room to check for supplies. He shuck it off as having misheard her as he moved into the hotel room adjacent to the one Ellie had disappeared into. He continued in his routine, checking the bedside table for supplies before moving across to the dresser, the wardrobe and then the bathroom. All of which had been picked clean. The two met up back in the hallway after coming up empty-handed, the older man looking around for a way to move further through the building.

He made his way towards an old vending machine that he noticed blocking a crumbling doorway.

"Ellie..." He called quietly catching the girl's attention. " I think I see a way through, but we got spores." Ellie nodded, both pulling their mask out of their backpacks. At one point there'd have been a conversation about her immunity but after everything that had happened, there were no more arguments. No more slip-ups. Ellie didn't even need to think as she pulled on her gas mask and followed Joel into the fog of spores. They continued on through the room, though it was difficult to see through the thickness of the fog. She followed closely behind as they both armed themselves. 

"You ever been in here before?" She asked quietly; "No, we just paroled the streets." He answered as he peered around the doorway before moving out into the hall. "Feeling like a bit of an oversight now." 

Maybe. Ellie thought. They both pushed on. Each taking opposite sides of the hallway, checking room after room. Until eventually the girl stumbled through a hole in a wall to find Joel kneeling by the body of a dead clicker. It had clearly been shot a while back. They had to wonder when the last patrol had come through the area, but given the state of the building and the amount of spores it was hard to tell. Moving on further into the building it brought them out into what looked like the old reception area of the hotel. And the all too familiar sound of infected caught their attention. 

"Ellie...c'mere."Joel whispered sharply as they approached the doors. The girl simply shrugged. "Well we are on patrol. Right?" She heard him sighed then saw him nod; as he pushed the door open before creeping in. "Okay. Let's take em' out." 

Even after years of hearing it; Ellie still hated the sound they made when they were killed. The gurgled gasps of the runners as their throats were cut, the ear-piercing shrill screeches of the clickers as their necks were broken. It was never something she wanted to get used to. She followed Joel's lead as he continued on, taking them out one by one. She did the same; just as he had taught her. Quick, quiet and clean. She wasted no time diving behind the bar as a runner clad with backpack and camping supplies ambled passed her, grunting to itself. This one had layers; it wouldn't be easy to get a hold of and kill quickly. She had to be smart. Moving swiftly she rounded around the bar and grabbed the runner's backpack and wrenched it backwards, flicking out her knife and driving into it's neck before it had a chance to growl out, alerting the others. Dragging the blade through the windpipe until it cut through to bone, Ellie let the runner flop to the floor dead. 

She heaved a breath of relief as her heart raced with adrenaline until it was struck with panic when she realised she'd lost sight of Joel. Hurrying through into the other room, she caught a glimpse of him putting down another runner but he hadn't noticed the clicker stumbling up behind him. "Dad! Behind you!" Ellie moved without a second thought; charging across the room with her gun in hand as she raised it and shot with no hesitation. Joel turned just in time the see his would-be attacker fall to the ground with a dull thud. A single bullet hole shot through it's deformed skull. "You okay? I think that's all of them." She said as she rushed over to check he was okay. He took a gulped breath that trembled for a second as he nodded. "I think so. Good job kiddo." 

"Yeah. You too." she smiled not wasting any time in walking ahead into the next room. Joel lingered taking a moment to think over what had just happened. She'd done it again. Hadn't she? She said it again without realising. Or maybe she'd said it on purpose. He wasn't sure. Joel shook his head as he dismissed it once again. No. He was certain he'd misheard again. He must have. Following Ellie through into the other room, they found themselves in the hotel gym. The older man slowing every few steps; his breath shallow and short. He was tired. It had been a long day and he found ever since gaining his injuries; he couldn't walk for long periods of time like he used too. The leg that had been shot was weakened now, it had healed though not thoroughly; muscles were damaged and his knee played up like all hell. And though most had told him it wasn't outright noticeable, he was certainly felt that he had been left with a slight limp afterwards. 

It wasn't long before Ellie noticed he was lagging behind as she stopped to give a moment to catch up."Hey...You good?" She asked with her brows creased in concern. But Joel being Joel just chuckled and shrugged the way he always did. "Other than being really old?" He asked nonchalantly. "Ain't nothing a solid night of sleep won't shake off." Ellie nodded, either satisfied with his answer or agreeing, he couldn't tell which. But he was in complete agreement when she voiced her want to leave the place. They'd run into enough trouble for the day. 

It was time to go home.  

After finally finding their way out of the remains of the hotel, it was already sundown. The low rays of the almost slumbering sun laying it head down to rest below the horizon, cast down a warm haze across the sky of red and orange hues. The colours were painted across the landscape, reflected in the pools of the nearby rivers and lakes. It was breathtaking to all who witnessed its beauty and Joel wasn't paying attention to any of it. His mind was too preoccupied with what Ellie had said. At first he'd dismissed it as mishearing but he was certain the second time he'd heard her right. It couldn't have been misheard as anything else. The words repeated endlessly on a loop in his mind as they headed back towards the horses. He could tell by the way Ellie kept glancing back at him that she could tell something was bothering him. 

Should he say something? Honestly Joel wasn't sure. It had taken some time to rebuild their relationship after everything that had happened. Expectedly it had been hard gaining her trust back, but they were getting better. She had become increasingly protective of him after his attack that had almost killed him. She'd never left his side while he recovered and then afterwards he couldn't remember the last time he'd been allowed to go out of town by himself. Always accompanied by either Ellie, Tommy or someone else. And he hadn't minded it, really he didn't. But to hear Ellie call him...that; it had thrown him, he couldn't lie. And yet surprisingly it hadn't bothered him either. Because when it came down to it; Ellie had called him dad. But Joel had also answered to it when she shouted it at him. He hadn't even thought about it. It had been instinct to react. Maybe- 

"Joel?" Ellie asked, in a way that suggested it hadn't been the first time she'd tried to get his attention. "Huh?" He uttered; still half distracted by his racing thoughts. "Are you okay? You seem...off." He couldn't help but laugh at her choice of words. Yeah he supposed he was spiralling just a little. To put it mildly. He glanced back at her as she watched him with inquisitive eyes. He took a moment before thinking to hell with it. And tried to take his time to find the right words. "Uh...back there...before...a couple times actually..." He was rambling he knew he was, but didn't know how to say the words he actually wanted to say out loud. What if he upset her? Again. Or she got embarrassed and apologised and swore never to say it ever again. If Joel had a knack for anything; it was saying the wrong thing apparently. "Are you having a stroke?" She said in jest. He just exhaled a laugh through his nose at the playful jab. "It's just...back there...you uh...you called me dad." There he'd said it. Now Ellie could yell at him and he could kick himself all the way back to Jackson for ever starting this conversation. Instead Ellie pulled nervously at her sleeves and suddenly found new fascination in her shoes. "Oh." She whispered as her cheeks blushed. "Yeah. Sorry." 

"No! No, don't apologise kiddo. It's fine. I'm not mad or anything." He said the words so quickly; he wasn't even sure they made sense, thankfully Ellie seemed to understand him. Or at least pretended to. "It's just...you kinda are like one right? And I never knew my real one...so...fuck, I made it weird...fucking idiot!" She chastised herself harshly but Joel wasn't about to let her beat herself up over this, he walked over towards her, grabbing her attention as she looked up at him with sadness and tears in her eyes. "It's okay kiddo...honestly...I'd be proud if you were my kid." he saw her eyes light up at the praise  and it made his heart ache that there was the possibility nobody had ever told Ellie that before. She was a good kid. And any parent would be proud to have raised someone as brave and smart as her. He rested a hand on her shoulder as he smiled down at her. "And if you want to...call me dad...sometimes...then..." He swallowed hard as he struggled to get his words out. He wasn't ashamed to admit; but his eyes were misting up too. "Then that's okay too." He croaked out as his voice broke. Ellie sniffled at his words and he felt the wind knocked out of him as she bumped into him with a hug. He could feel the damp patches on his shirt as she sniffled again against the tears that fell. But as he returned the hug, he felt lighter for the first time he had in years. These were tears of happiness. Of relief. 

"Come on kiddo, let's go home." 

#writing #the last of us #joel and ellie #the last of us part 2 #joel miller #starlessskies writes #tlou #ellie williams #fanfiction

[enasallavellan]

Enasal Lavellan Reboot - Ch. 1

Enasal Lavellan was sent by her clan to spy on the Conclave with the promise of unbinding her name and allowing her to rejoin the clan.

She now must save a world she barely knows or understands - but she can't close the Breach alone.

She's too short to reach it.

If you like what I've written, consider reblogging or commenting - I love to hear from ya'll!

Enasal was exhausted, more so than she had ever been before.

But she went quickly.

Over a month of travel across land and sea had drained her. Fall melted into winter as she traveled across the Waking Sea, the new chill a welcome relief to her seasick stomach as they sailed. By the time her shaky legs managed their way back onto dry land, snow had started to fall. Every day, her pack grew heavier as she tracked the movements of the mages and the templars, staying well out of sight as she followed from a distance. With dwindling spirit and frozen bones, she trudged upward - but at the sight of the Temple of Sacred Ashes, a little flicker of hope lit itself in her heart.

She might be accepted back into her clan. Her name would be unbound, and her sister would smile again.

All she had to do was listen; listen and report back to the new Keeper with what she had heard.

Enasal crept around the outskirts of the temple, hood over her head in hopes of hiding her pointed ears and the Vallaslin under her eyes. People milled this way and that, fingers twitching and necks twisting with the frazzled tension in the air.

This was a place where trust was absent.

Taking advantage of the sheer number of people, Enasal slipped into the temple unnoticed.

Everything hurt.

Enasal stumbled up, wiping her stinging eyes as she looked around. Green fog hung around impossible structures, and the ground seemed to vibrate underneath her as chunks floated up and out of the ground.

She was in the fade.

The silence was shattered by a sickeningly familiar sound, one that she had often heard while trying to hide from the elements in caves - the skittering of eight massive legs. Her blades were old and simple, but she drew them anyway, ready to defend herself.

One, four, fifteen, uncountable.

Knowing it was a fight she couldn’t win, she ran. Dodging structures, jumping over debris, and leaping over gaps. From the corner of her eye, she saw a light and turned on her heels towards it.

Someone stood in the light, backlit so thoroughly that she couldn’t see who or what it was. The figure reached out a hand, and with no other choice Enasal grasped it tight.

The next thing she was aware of was pain. Worse than the pain she felt when she found herself in the fade.

Disoriented, Enasal went to stand, but shackles kept her wrists bound together, and a hand came down hard on her shoulder.

"Stay down, knife-ear."

As if tied to her own panic, a green light flared up around her palm. Green and black tendrils ripped up her wrist with searing pain. She clutched her left hand, cursing under her breath.

"Maybe we should cut her hands off." A tall human man stood on one side of the door, watching her with squinted eyes, “Mages can't cast without their hands."

She wasn't a mage, but Enasal stayed quiet.

"'Mages can't cast without their hands?" The other asked, reaching out to lightly smack the first on the head, "How stupid are you?"

"You ever seen a handless mage?" He snapped.

The other sneered and shot back, "I know that if that worked we'd see a lot fewer mages and a lot more people missing hands!"

Tempers were short - these people were angry about something. But not just people, no. These were shemlens - men ones. One wrong look and they'd drag her away, dock her ears, and burn the ink from her face. She almost reached up to touch her short-cropped curls - her sister had always said measures were needed to keep yourself safe around them - and that words must be chosen carefully.

She flinched when the door swept open. Two women came in. Once seemed gentle, with soft features and red hair. The other one made her hair stand on end and sent a shiver down her spine - she seemed dangerous, all sharp angles and narrowed eyes.

The dangerous woman strode toward her, her face inches from her own. "Tell me why we shouldn't kill you now."

Enasal's mouth opened, but she had suddenly forgotten how to speak.

"The Conclave is gone, and you are the only one left."

" Ir abelas -"

One of the guards spoke up, "Speak Common, knife-ear!"

Oh, Creators, she had forgotten Common. 

How did Common work? How did you say Ir again?

The red-haired woman glared, and she suddenly seemed less gentle. "Leave us - all of you."

Grumbling, they shuffled out, the one who had threatened her hands spitting before leaving.

The dangerous woman grabbed the shackles holding her as the green light flared, and pain shot up her arm. "Explain this."

I! 

I is how you said Ir! 

Common flowed back into her brain, and the words finally came,  "I don't know."

The black-haired woman lunged forward, "What do you mean, 'I don't know'?"

This was the end. They were going to kill her. Cut off her ears and burn the Vallisin from her face. She felt the tears form, praying as she tried to swallow them down. She shouldn't show weakness, she should be polite but proud. Instead, she was shivering. Despite her attempts, she could feel hot tears on her face.

The dangerous woman's arm was up - maybe she'd knock her out, maybe hard enough to kill her outright.

Her arm was grabbed by the other woman. She suddenly realized she felt an odd surge of kinship with the one who shared her hair color - her own hair was fiery and unruly, while this woman was neat and well-kept, but still. Enasal and her sister were the only redheads in her clan - maybe she was the only redhead here.

"Cassandra, stop." The woman said, "Look at her, she is shaking. She is the only one left - we need her."

The dark-haired woman's head snapped around, and her voice raised to a near-shout, "She might have caused it? She might have killed the Most Holy!"

"The only one?" Enasal's voice was barely a whisper. "But..." How many had been at the Conclave? What had happened to make her the only survivor?

"Do you remember anything?" The redhead asked.

Enasal hesitated. "I was in the fade, and there were spiders and buildings and…" She trailed off.

"And how did you escape?" Cassandra demanded.

"I…"  It sounded crazy, like a fever dream. But she mustered her courage and told them, "There were all these spiders, and I was running, too many to fight, you see and-"

"You've already told us about the spiders!"

Enasal looked down. "I saw a light and a woman."

"A woman?" The redhead asked.

Enasal nodded. "Maybe a spirit, or another survivor?" She swallowed, "Those people are really dead? All of them?"

"All of them."

Her breath hitched, "How?"

Cassandra looked toward the other woman, "Go to the camp, Leliana. I'll take her to the rift."

Enasal looked at Leliana - despite the look she had given the guards, she still had something that seemed to have some kindness, some gentleness to her. It might have been a trick, but she would try her luck.

"Leliana, halani! No, no, Ir - I mean help! Don't let her-"

"You will not be harmed." Cassandra said gruffly, yanking her up. "I am told you might be the key to fixing all this."

Her shackles were removed, and she was taken into the blinding daylight.

Read the full fic from the beginning at my A03 here!

If you’re willing and able, feel free to donate to my ko-fi or drop a tip in the jar to help me afford my many medications to keep the crazy at bay!

Credits:

Artwork of Enasal drawn by the talented @vahingoniloinenlapsi

I used Project Elvhen on Ao3 to help with the 'Dalish'.

#Enasal Lavellan #fanfiction #dragon age fanfiction #dragon age #dragon age inquisition #dragon age fic #dai #dai fanfic #dai fanfiction #enasal tethras #inquisitor lavellan #Enasal Lavellan reboot

[weebsinstash]

I can see what you mean by hitting too close to home right now especially with context. It didn't need context before as you have the right as a writer to chose when or even if you write. If you decide that this blog is too much you can take a break or even quit. Do what's healthy for you. You are already going through too much don't let the opinion of any disgruntled readers sway you into pushing yourself.

I understand where you are. My mom was pretty heavy into some serious drugs for a long time. If she knew where to get them she'd still be doing them. And as mean as this is to say, your sister won't be better quickly. A lot of drug addicts won't be able to get sober until they realize they have a problem.

Your sister deserves better then to be abused. But with what you described about her latching on to bad men who hurt her, I think she will need extra therapy and support to realize that fact.

Just remember as much as you worry for her and give of yourself to help her, that you are suffering too so give yourself some love and kindness. Please focus on the healing of you and your sister rather then Tumblr. Tumblr will be here when you feel up to it, and if it isn't there will always be another hellsite. But there will only ever be one of you so your health is way more important.

(This wound up getting really long so I'm just gonna put it under a readmore, i do talk about sexual assault and certain things like that if that's a trigger for anyone)

I just. I dont know how to feel. I was distancing myself from my sister this past year because her behavior was too unbearable (she will barely talk to you and it seems like the only times she reaches out is when she's drunk or needs something) and then when I reconnect with her, everything is worse and now she's angry at me I wasn't there to support her? I can't even talk to her about this? I've never really ever been able to talk with her because she has bipolar and BPD or maybe something else entirely that's undiagnosed and whenever you ask her certain questions she immediately takes it as criticism and completely shuts down, tells you to fuck off

I thought I could use my position as her little sister to try and talk to her and comfort her but she's. Shes genuinely a different person now. She even screamed at me that "we are strangers" which, she's the one that moved out and she demands you only speak to her through text, she's the one that has FOR YEARS sided with her boyfriends over her family and then will never apologize when those men turn out to be fucking garbage. And it's just like, texting? that's been my main form of contact with her for years. She just won't even do basic stuff for herself anymore and blames it on anxiety and ptsd. Um. Like. I hadn't spoken to her in over a year until around a week ago, hadn't spoken in over a year right, she's begging our mom to pass messages along and tell me she wants to talk to me, and on her birthday, I gave her a call and left a voice mail

She didn't even listen to the fucking voice-mail because "ugh you know I don't listen to voicemails, they stress me out"

Like genuinely, how do you have a relationship with someone who lives in another state and the only form of contact is text, you're only supposed to text specific things in specific lengths and at specific times and she still might not ever reply to you? And then to insult you and say you were never there to support her as an excuse to run into the arms of a STRANGER rather than you?

I feel like there's something I should do. I feel like I need to save her somehow. I'm worried and terrified and scared and I don't want to leave her alone but we literally live in different states. And she just. She just honestly doesn't want to be helped. She genuinely thinks she's handling everything great and it's like "Emily you were literally raped and you turned around and pierced your nipples exclusively for the sole purpose of never wearing a bra anymore and constantly exposing them to other people, you're literally constantly acting on your trauma"

She wouldn't even. At one point it's almost time to say good bye and im crying and I hug her and she. Pulled away from me. Says "we're in public, I live here, can we not do this" because she has a creepy landlord and she was like, paranoid that someone who knew her landlord was lurking around the corner or something? And she hates it there and thinks he's a creep and she's absolutely positive he's coming into her apartment without her knowledge or permission and she just??? Turned around and renewed her lease???

So you can expose yourself to complete fucking strangers but hugging your own sister is out of the question? And then later when I hugged her again in a more private setting, she wouldn't even squeeze back, and she did the. The thing where you tap your palm on someone's back. And she did it in such a. Such an obviously fake "you're being hysterical" kind of way. And it hurt. It hurt so fucking much. Is the only time she can pretend to love me when she's drunk?

I dont know, I accidentally made this post about myself. I just. I think I've lost her, at least for now. And I think about my blog and my writing and I was literally just recently thinking of "oh what if reader gets too drunk or high around X character and--" and sure enough it turns out my very own sister was raped because she did coke and weed and drinking with two men she didn't know very well and wasn't wearing underwear and fell asleep in front of them and when she was. Being hurt, she just. Froze. And she didn't even go to the hospital until weeks later when it became obvious that one of them gave her an std, and her main concern st that time was "oh there's a nice guy i like right now and I don't want to tell him"

Mind you, we've deduced that "that nice guy" is her current boyfriend, a fucking loser 38 yo who still lives with mommy in the house he grew up in and his ""job"" is a bicycle repairman, not even motorcycles, bicycles

I want to throw up. I want to actually fucking throw up. I don't know how I can protect someone who won't protect themselves. I domt even know how im supposed to fucking function. My mom is devastated, im devastated, we just planned this like 3, 4 day trip to travel out of state to see her to do a welfare check and she acted like she hated us the entire fucking time. Here she is with her fucking family she hasn't seen in 3 YEARS AND THAT WAS AT OUR GRANDMOTHER'S FUNERAL and she didn't even. Go to fucking hug us when we saw her for the first time

It isn't just that she's been hurt and she's an addict now, she's literally acting completely different, and I don't know if it's trauma or drugs or what she's doing to herself but I don't know if I can watch it. I want to be there for her but if she won't let me then. Then. I might have to make the decision to let her go. And I'm terrified. Oh god I think I need to go call into work, I don't think I can go today, or tomorrow, or next week

[dear-tumby]

just got out of a manic episode lol

yeah so im depressed now, no longer depresion haha funnys more like depresion no hahas and im pretty sure im scaring off my boyfriend so yeah, he stopped talking/hanging out with me when i was being honest about my feelings, like i was there when he relasped but i start talking my crazy shit and then suddenly mental illness is off the table??? whatever its not even like i like him or nothing like that. i dont understand why i do this to myself, this is just turning into a rant but ive been holding this down for so long it feels good to scream it out into the void that is tumblr yk? also like i drew on cut marks because it hurts less plus i can just wash that off, yk i do that a lot i put on makeup that made me look like i commeted suicide bc i was sad and suicidle(who would have gussed???) plus i just found this collage i really want to go to but no one belives i can do it and i act like that makes me wanna do it more but really it just shows how much people belive imma be a no body and im so scared im going to be suck here forever like my mom and dad. why does life have to be such a bitch like why do i always gotta screw up everything???? lke i have two boyfriends that care about me yet i want to date this girl thats never gonna love me back?? and when i say love i mean i actually love her so much and i cant talk about it because shell find out that im totally in love with her and shell flip out and distance herself from me and i need her shes my everything and if i don't have her in my life even just as a friend i think i need to switch schools again because that's what i always do, when shit gets rough go and hide because i cant handle all this shit and my parents are finally in a good place (mentally) and im gonna screw it up for them because ill stress them out by ignoring everyone and sleeping through meals and holidays and they'll yell at me because they don't understand and i don't blame them im a mess filled with self pity and gross tindencys so i cant have anyone love me truly because im so gross and i just want the felling of everything to stop, like i want to be so fucking happy that everyone thinks on on drugs, which i was on anti anxiety pills but then i felt nothing so i cut myself bu my dumbass was wearing white pants and my mom found out and yelled at me, and screamed and woke everyone up and my sibling still reminds me about it and every time he does i want to hold him down and beat the shit out of him, like does he even take my mental illness serously, does anyone??? are my parents just pretending to give a shit, at least my mom is, my dad cares for me but he just never says the right things, and i forgive him but i just want nothing to go wrong for once i just want everyone to stop. stop talking to me, stop trying to help but also ignoring my despreat cries for help doesn't make me feel any better and also i don't want to be lied toi want the truth even if it would hurt me yk? i don't know what i want, but i know it'd make me feel safe and happy and no long like everyone's trying to get me, i just want to have someone who'd look at all different sides of me and go "wow their awesome, and sure they do stuff i disagree with but there a good person who's gonna make it big and ill stand with them through thick and thin and its okay they have issues we all do and love every flaw" like im sure my boyfriend would say this but i don't want him to say it i want it shown i want to see and trust i can tell them anything and they'd stick around.

tldr: i was origanally posting this so everyone would know i didnt commet suicide but then it turned into a rant so, yah sorry, uh i read a really good south park fanfic so thats something good that happened, though it reminded me alot of me and me is my enemy rn so i was really angry but in a healthy good way, also thought my dad died but thats justsum good ol paranoia also sorry for all the typos, did ths on my computer at like 11:55 so im kinda half asleep

#tw vent #tw self destructive behavior #vent #but like #i missed tumblr #relationship problems? #im the problem #yipeeee #um #idk what tags to use #sh mention #$elf h4rm #but its not bad

[gamenu]

[ LINGER ]: taking the receiver’s hand, the sender lifts it to their lips, and gently kisses their knuckles, lingering for a moment before withdrawing.

                                                         -- @scarfbond​

          Nicole knew eventually that if she spent enough time around Link, she’d pick up his habits. Ever since they had met in high school, she’s known him to be a fighter. One of their first interactions was him punching a dude who had been antagonizing her. Granted, she spent time sitting with him for weeks at lunch before then. They had a silent friendship, but one that was full of understanding nonetheless.

          This friendship continued into graduation and beyond, with Nicole now the subject of Link’s more chaotic endeavors. Nothing he does concerning her is ever malicious, just him having an idea and not using his impulse control. Such as trying to rope her into housing twenty live crabs. Or buying the whole lot of those inflatable tube men. Link himself is a chaotic being who Nicole wouldn’t change for the world.

          While she finds herself being the voice of reason who acts as Link’s impulse control, today she seems to have reversed the roles. It was a kneejerk reaction, but in hindsight, it was better that it was Nicole. It was better that she had been the one to punch that girl. It wouldn’t look good if Link did it. In fact, he probably wouldn’t have. He’s been a lot more proper about not getting into fights lately, but comments people made still got under his skin and she saw it.

           Nicole saw her friend hurting silently, and wanted to hurt them. It was someone who knew both of them from high school, and apprently peaked back then too if she feels the need to still go after two people who seldom ever spoke. It happened all rather quickly how Nicole had spun around and delivered a quick jab to the girl’s mouth. Nowhere near as strong as Link, but she watched him train enough to at least know how to throw a decent punch.

           By all accounts she definitely caused a bit of a bloody lip, but nothing was broken, and she’d think twice before saying something to the ‘crazy bitch’, that Nicole is.

           Usually, she’s pulling Link away from confrontations, linking her arm around his and walking, forcing him to walk with her. With it now being Link’s turn to pull her away, he opted to simply loop his arm around her waist and lift her before walking away.

           Once an adequate distance from everything, Link put her back down. Still seething with a deep suppressed rage she didn’t know she had, Nicole hadn’t even noticed her fists were still balled up, she was trembling just barely enough for him to notice. Staring down at her, his own hands on his waist as he observed his angry friend, with a small tilt of his head. After a while, he reached down to take one of her fists in his hand and bring it up to his lips where he could place a small kiss on her knuckles. He lingered just long enough to get her to focus on him, and relax her hand from the tension she had been carrying, from the anger she held in them. 

           Its funny, how he had his own way of calming her down. Usually she leaned on him until he leaned on her back, because she knew Link wouldn’t move her off of him and he’d have to relax for the risk of making her uncomfortable. He decided to show affection to completely take her attention.

           After he released her hand, Nicole simply exhaled a breath she hadn’t known she had been holding in. Leaning forward, she simply rests face first on his chest and just stands there. The tension in her body was gone, but now she was just tired. Anger was so tiring. How did Link do it all those days? How did he still fight, even professionally now, but not be tired as hell after just two minutes of it? She didn’t know, but she did understand that he’s way stronger than he gives himself credit for.

           Nothing was said, because nothing needed to be said. They understood each other, and they’d be fine once they were calmer. In all honesty, Nicole probably shocked Link more than the girl she hit. Leaning up so she was resting her chin on him instead so she could look at him, all Nicole could do was give a sheepish smile. Looks like she’s been paying too much attention to him and his training lately.

#scarfbond #༼ 🌟 Open your messages! ༽ #༼ 🌟 Chain mail: For your kicks ༽ #her bestie that is totally not her bf #bless he.

[spookystrawberry-blog]

Romance on the surface (part 5)

Y/n x Sans

Several days pass and Sans seems to avoid you, which makes you very sad, even at home you don't talk much anymore and you no longer study together. Additionally, in high school, no human seems to have been interested in him or his friends yet. An observation that undermines your morale even more because you know that monsters are really nice people. But today, two boys approach them, the most dynamic, says that he wants to become friends with them but that he didn't dare ask at first because he was a little scared. The hesitant monsters eventually agree and they talk together enthusiastically. You smile and your friends notice.

Y: Wouldn't you feel something for this skeleton? You're still looking at him from afar.

You blush intensely but say no, which makes Haru laugh and tease you, then she sighs.

H: Still, it’s cool that boys are starting to be interested in them. I would also like to have a monster friend, too bad there isn't a monster girl in the class.

That's when a female voice comes out of nowhere and you realize that a ghost girl was in the class but she was too shy to show herself, that's when Aoi joined your group.

Then quickly come the day of registration at the club, you suggest to Sans and Papyrus to go together but Sans declines, hurting you again. He still hasn't really spoken to you since the last time. Papyrus notices this and gets excited about the clubs to take your mind off things. Your friends arrive and you split up to go to the stands that interest you. With Yui you go to the art club, while Papyrus visits all the stalls imaginable, including those concerning sports, cooking and puzzles. After registering, you see Sans in the distance and tell Yui that you're going to see him and that you'll meet her at the meeting point afterwards. You walk up to Sans and are about to talk to him but Chris calls out to you. Which annoys Sans who comes up to him and pushes him to get between you.

S: Can’t you see she’s trying to talk to me!

C: Calm down my friend, I just wanted to say hello.

S: Me, friends with someone like you? Are you kidding me, I could never be friends with a junk like you.

It's too much, you find Sans' reaction inappropriate and childish, angry you slap him. Sans doesn't respond.

Y/n: Come on Chris, let's go! Let's leave this kid to get angry alone.

You walk away, leaving Sans standing where he is, his cheek marked by your hand. He looks down. Yui, who saw him in the distance, joins him.

Y: Listen Sans, I don't know why you react like that, you probably just want to protect Y/n. But by doing that you're only hurting her. You should talk to her before it's really too late, because you risk losing her and I don't think that's what you really want.

She implies that you will really end up with Chris if he doesn't react first. Sans understands and decides to find you.

He sees you in the distance sitting on a bench with Papyrus. You two talk because Papyrus found you crying, he asks you what's wrong with you.

Y/n: Does...does Sans hate me? He hasn't spoken to me for days, he's even hurtful towards me. Did I do something wrong ?

Papyrus tells you that he thinks not, that Sans is used to not speaking when something is wrong, to protect the other kind of, that he often did that with him.

P: And you, do you hate Sans? You told me you slapped him.

Y/n: No, of course not. On the contrary I appreciate him, I really appreciate him. I wish we could talk again, that we could be friends again.

You cry again. Sans who heard everything makes a noise of surprise which makes you and Papyrus turn around. Papyrus gets up and leaves to let you talk. Sans sits next to you and after a few minutes of silence apologizes for his behavior.

S: Listen Y/n...I'm sorry for the way I acted, I shouldn't have acted like that. I would like to apologize...I was a real idiot.

Y/n: Why did you react like that?

Sand hesitates, he plays with his fingers.

S: It's that...I don't really like Chris, or rather I don't feel him. He didn't do anything for you when you were being bullied and now he dares to come back like nothing happened...I really can't stand him... He looks at you desperately waiting for an answer.

Y/n: It's true that Chris wasn't present at that moment but I don't blame him, after all he couldn't have done much about it... That's why you avoid me for so long?

S: No...of course I was annoyed that you were there next to him smiling as if nothing had happened. But... it didn't concern me, I didn't have to judge... And above all...

He sighs.

S: And above all I saw that you managed to make human friends and I didn't want to ruin that because of my monster nature. After all I know it's something difficult for you and...the humans haven't yet gotten used to the idea that the monsters are here now. I was afraid that if...your friends saw me next to you, that they would end up moving away from you. It relieved me when I saw you had included Aoi in the group but I was already too deep to know how to come back and talk to you...

You start to cry with relief and you feel moved by the attention he gave you all this time, he didn't hate you. Sans perplexed, asks you if you are okay. You answer him with a big smile that now yes, Sans blushed. You decide to get up to continue enjoying the day and you see all your friends waiting for you in the distance. While waiting for you they had decided to form a single group of friends to help you reconcile and be together. You are touched by their attention. You introduce yourself to Sans' friends, Grilby and Harper, both monsters and Ryan and Hyun the humans who came to them instead. You then decide to go all together to eat on the roof of the school, joined by Papyrus who talks to you energetically about all the clubs he has joined, you laugh. It was your first meal together in high school.

#undertale #sans undertale #undertale sans #sans #y/n #sans x y/n #y/n x sans #y/n x canon #y/n x character #sans x reader #fanfic #fanfiction

[tiredpandaportfolio]

Idle Thoughts on How I Write Dante and Tess.

I felt like fooling around and getting some thoughts I have about them in order, again because I like having some consistency to my writing. There's very particular ways I write the two of them and I often have thoughts that don't always make it into my stories.

Tess is a rather odd character, as far as my creations go. She breaks a lot of "the rules" of the setting, but in a way that helps flesh her and the worldbuilding out, I think. Her presence allows me to cover topics that I might otherwise not really be able to tell within the DMC universe.You can check out the oc: tess templar tag on my blog if you want to find out more about her.

The Nature of Their Relationship

It is complicated and this is not even an exaggeration. They're both difficult, broken people and much as we'd all like that, love doesn't bridge every gap or patch every problem. Navigating a relationship has been a challenge for them, from the very beginning.

When they were young, they used to be pretty vicious with each other, verbally and emotionally. Just becoming friends required a lot of time and compromises, a little bit every time. If you'd asked them, at the time, why they made the effort, neither would admit to consciously doing so. With the benefit of retrospect, if you twisted their arms, they'd both admit that it was loneliness. By that time, they had each spent most of their lives very isolated and alienated, in often hostile circumstances. They had terrible trust issues, particularly directed at adults. Meeting someone of the same age, with similar baggage -- someone who got it -- was a big deal for a pair of dysfunctional teenagers.

In a way it sort of saved them both emotionally, particularly Dante, staving off cynicism and misanthropy for a bit longer. He could still allow himself to make connections with people. Tess found an anchor in herself that propped her up against her own cynicism and she developed her eventual patience with people.

Their separation hurt them both. They had only just started to acknowledge their awkward feelings and Dante was particularly angry about it, for a very long time. He did his best to bury his anger about it, but part of him was greatly frustrated by the feeling that he had allowed something precious to slip through his fingers. Tess was plagued by regrets for years, especially as her own circumstances began to beat her down and she lost hope in even the conviction she had that they might see each other again.

Meeting again after years was not some magical moment where all was suddenly well. They had fresh trauma to work through, more inner demons to fight against. The years had changed them. They were once more practically strangers. They both had secrets they were unwilling to talk about. Dante never managed to find the courage to open up about his family issues and thought Tess was doing him a favor, not asking. She would regret that, eventually, but she only wanted to give him peace. And she was scared to ask, too.

But that memory of the old fondness, the warmth it brought, got them to try; to bridge that distance, re-acquaint themselves with each other and why they got along so well in the first place. It actually didn't take that long for their feelings to run from friendly to something deeper, but it did take them a long time to acknowledge them -- in fact, Dante nearly didn't, until Tess' familiar, Roy, gave him an earful about it. Dante had been convinced that neither were the feelings mutual, nor did he deserve a chance. Roy was not gentle in disabusing him of this notion, and he was quite harsh about Dante treating Tess' feelings too lightly and hiding behind his 'make a joke out of everything' attitude.

He was a little floored that she reciprocated because her own tendency to bottle up her feelings to protect herself made it difficult for her to properly express them, something she continues having difficulty doing, but she tries.

But even after clearing the air, they still can't agree on the precise nature of their relationship, save that they are incredibly important to each other. And that's regardless of how they look to others. Between calling each other names, bickering like an old married couple and even antagonizing each other, it's easy to mistake them for frenemies. They are in fact, just incredibly independent people who don't react well when others interfere in their lives, even someone they love deeply. Theirs is a relationship of constant compromise, pushing and pulling until they find the middle.

Will It Last?

It could. But it all depends on them.

Dante is not one to burn bridges lightly and if you think about it, he is an incredibly forgiving person when it comes down to it. He's given second and even third chances to people who by all rights may not have quite deserved it. He's willing to overlook and forgive a lot of things, even quite heinous ones. He's had to learn to live with a lot of the things he himself does.

But... Tess isn't like that. She's far more firm in her principles and for better or for worse, those mainly center around her survival. She's spent her entire life trying to make sure she isn't killed or worse, eaten by demons and whatever other threat rears its head. She doesn't quite know any other way of living. To be perfectly honest, being anywhere near Dante is a massive risk on her part, and not just because trouble and death follow him like a bad omen. Witches are hunted, quite literally, by both demons and humans in the know. Dante himself poses a legitimate threat to her, no matter how much he or she might believe otherwise. It is a possibility she can never completely remove from her mind.

The thing is, Tess' principles also mean she doesn't let others off the hook easily and can hold grudges. If she had enough evidence that Dante, either directly, or by association, had done things she could never forgive... it might be over. She wouldn't be able to exist in a relationship where she is expected to turn a blind eye to things she can't stomach, no matter how much she loves the other party. She's just too used to having to protect herself and she will do so, even from people she loves. This doesn't mean it's not going to hurt.

Romance

Of the two of them, Dante is the hopeless romantic. And this is despite his long-held belief that romantic love just wasn't really going to be a thing for him. He's aware of the irony. He's all about the grand, sweeping gestures. The flowery confessions, the recitation of poetry and overt and subtle flirtations. He's the one who goes over the top. He's the type to go for a full Hollywood Dip kiss. He wants to go big or go home. And he does it all with all of his usual confidence, even when he’s actually being incredibly awkward. It’s almost as if, now that it’s really dawned on him that he loves her, he wants to yell it from the rooftops. Subtlety just isn’t in his blood.

The problem is, Tess is rather the opposite. She's really not much of a romantic, no matter how much she tries. She appreciates and welcomes romantic gestures, but there is a definite awkwardness that she can’t seem to overcome and she’s rather bad at initiating them herself. Besides, overly "loud" gestures tend to embarrass her and send her running. She swears she understands and appreciates his enthusiasm but anything over the top really goes over her head and makes her feel embarrassed. Her own romantic gestures tend to be small and heartfelt and focus on wanting to be close to the other party. She’ll cook for the both of them and wants to spend time with Dante doing nothing much.

They’ve both had to compromise and reach a happy middle. Dante’s trying to temper his need for showboating and instead make his romantic gestures more intimate and immediate while Tess is learning to be more accepting of Dante’s need to be a flashy dumbass; she doesn’t object so long as there isn’t much of an audience. They have hit and misses but they don’t really mind as long as they’re having fun.

The Physical Side of Things

There is no escaping the fact that Dante, being nearly 6'5", towers over the 5'4" Tess. He's always been taller than her but as adults, the height and size difference can be a little staggering.

Tess is of fairly average height and lean with good curves but she hangs out with much taller people all the time, giving the illusion that she is, in fact,  a shortie, which annoys her to no end. Dante being as tall and broad as he is makes her look even tinier. It's just one part of why she's so feisty and snarky all the time. Obviously, Dante loves ribbing her about her height. He also loves using it against her. He can end their arguments by simply picking her up, throwing her on his shoulder like a sack of dirt and walking off, and he has, much to her annoyance.

To be fair, Tess actually adores how taller he is. He's a great barrier to hide behind when she doesn't want to be directly visible. It's also very hard to miss him in a crowd. Dante finds her height amusing and endearing, even if he has to stoop a little to kiss her. He likes joking that dating her is bad for his back. He won't admit it, but it also makes him feel quite protective of her, even though he knows that she's quite capable of killing things five times her size with little hesitation.

His overwhelming strength can be a bit of a concern, but Dante has never hurt people accidentally because he's actually very well practiced with how he handles it. Tess on the other hand is definitely the more agile and nimble of the two, easily getting around or through obstacles Dante might need to detour around. He jokes she might be part cat with all the climbing, parkour and squeezing through narrow passages she does.

The difference is even more glaring if he happens to be in demonic form, because then he is well over 7' and watching a short witch argue with such a massive beast can be rather worrying for onlookers.

Physical Contact

Once Dante got really comfortable in the relationship, he sort of started to revert to how clingy he was as a young boy. For her part, Tess needed some time to adjust and find her confidence. They started from struggling to figure out how to hold hands to working through how comfortable each other was with touching.

Now Dante has little regard for personal space when it comes to other people and no regard whatsoever when it comes to Tess. He isn't satisfied with just hand-holding or even just a hug. He's progressed to the point where he wants to fully drape himself over her whenever he can and cuddle her like there's no tomorrow. He's also very grabby. In part, Dante gets a thrill out of knowing he can touch her whenever and express affection without saying a word. He's not even afraid to do it in public, though he's still awkward because he has a certain reputation, some street-cred he wants to maintain.

Sometimes he'll just do the aforementioned over-the-shoulder maneuver just for fun, because she gets flustered and mad. And he loves flustering her, because she's funny.

Tess is also quite physically affectionate, but she's rather like a cat in the sense that she'd rather be the one to initiate it and can only tolerate so much before she gets wigged out, but ultimately she likes the attention anyway, even if she grumbles. She likes to lean into the touches, and has a fondness for his hands. She likes nothing better than to curl up against him or on his lap when they're able to relax together. If they happen to share a bed and he spoons her, chances are she'll fall asleep almost immediately because of how cozy and secure she feels.

She tries to be patient with his grabbiness, but there's a time and place for slapping someone's butt and in public or in front of god damn demons is not it. Of course she likes touching him too and her favorite thing is absently playing with his hair and giving him kisses. He's quite funny when he's acting like he's too good for kisses but watch him lean in for them all the same.

Their Effects On Each Other

One of the biggest obstacles they had to navigate in the relationship is the curious interactions that demonic powers have on witches and vice versa. This hadn't crossed their minds as teenagers because neither was Dante potent enough yet to override whatever protections Tess used against demons, nor was her supernatural sense sensitive enough to get overwhelmed.

Now that they're adults and fully grown into their powers, things aren't that simple. Tess needs a large number of personal protections and 'veils' in order to just exist without being tracked down by demons or immediately swarmed by ghosts who want things done. She's very skilled at them and can lead a mostly normal life and work without issues... but Dante is a special case. He gives off such an intense and thick power when he's agitated that it can start to get to her.

The first time she was within close proximity when he shifted to the devil trigger, she was knocked out from the sensory feedback. She tried to make a joke out of it, but she had a hard time trying to adjust and the best she could do was suffer frequent enough exposure to try and acclimate. It took months of frustration and migraines and adjusting personal wards but now she's in a position where she's actually quite comfortable around powerful demons without getting stunned. She still gets nauseous around actual Hell Gates or in the presence of huge numbers of demons, but at least she stays standing.

On the other hand, demons get incredibly excited around witches, and view them as fine prey, since their blood runs thick with power. More than once, Tess has used her presence or some of her blood as bait to lure out demons. Dante is unfortunately not immune to this effect. Even though she's wrapped up in wards, he can still sense her arcane powers and it's impossible not to notice. Her blood smells sweet and spicy to him and he's actually kind of scared of what might happen if he gets a taste. He also has an unusually strong reaction to her powers, if she has to use some kind of effect on him. It seems to overly excite his demonic side, making him a little manic and aggressive. They're both a little baffled as to why this happens since it didn't happen when they were teenagers. It does tend to manifest in his tendency to be a pain in her neck and how much he likes provoking her, but also comes out in how forward he is with her. Sometimes when he's particularly agitated he might get a little edgy in dealing with her and struggle to contain himself.

Worries

They don't like it, but as a consequence of who and what they are, there is always a tension in their relationship. They worry about each other, even if they are not good at showing it. Tess worries about his emotional well-being and his self-control. She's always overly conscious of his demonic nature and how far into it he's venturing. She's afraid he'll hurt her, in every sense, but she also has an incredible amount of trust in him and he knows it. That's what gets to him. He cares more about her than he does himself because he's too used to being the most invincible thing in a space and he's starting to understand that's not the case for her.

Dante's actually rather quietly freaked out by how Tess operates; extremely dedicated to whatever she decides to do and very efficient at planning and then executing ploys that will achieve her goals. She doesn't fight for fun or her pride, she fights to survive and it shows. She's ruthless. When motivated she really is so "do-or-die" that it actually unsettles him. She seems afraid of nothing and as much as he admires her tenacity and ruthlessness, it also terrifies him. She's capable of making some truly difficult decisions just so that others don't have to do so and she follows through with them.

Fights

Dante is generally very laid back and doesn't give a hoot about what other people say or do. He does not argue with people unless pushed, he's got better things to do. Insults towards his person or even his family roll off like water on a duck's back. But the moment Tess snarks at him about something he's said or done, or just generally sasses him and calls him a dumbass, he immediately wants to clap back.

He will bicker with her about the stupidest things and they can end up having quite a stupid back and forth, complete with rather childish insults. And they don't care if they do this in front of others. Several demons have met their end because they assume their quarrel means their guard is dropped, just to be annihilated with an angry remark that they're busy talking.

Most of the time it's all rather a lot of hot air, though, the result of two very stubborn people butting heads. People who don't know them well often get the wrong idea about them, and might worry about Tess' well-being, prodding a huge mercenary like that. The fact of the matter is, 90% of the time, the bickering is trivial and they get over it a few minutes later.

Their actual fights and arguments are much, much different. They are rare and never particularly loud or obvious, and rather than trade barbs, they outright attack each other verbally and challenge each other's authority and reason. They will only rarely raise their voices but their words are full of venom and quiet anger. It takes them a long time to reconcile after such fights, and they are mercifully very uncommon.

Mundane Things

With their lives so full of tragedy, risk, the supernatural and the worst of human nature, they find immense satisfaction in little, mundane things that make them feel a sense of normalcy. Neither knew they craved this sense of normalcy until they started to experience it. They take incredible liberties with each other, things they would never do with anyone else.

Dante will sometimes steal her spare keys and let himself into her apartment, often without even expecting to find her there. He likes napping on her sofa and she lets him be. Because she's paranoid about her safety, her apartment is warded so tightly that not even a tiny demon could find it, let alone get in. But she's woven his presence into the exceptions so he has free pass and that fills him with a incredible sense of glee and accomplishment, being allowed into her sanctum like that. It's a great hiding place from Lady and Morrison, too.

Despite all the snark and their jokes and back and forths, their better moments are spent largely in companionable silence. Dante likes doing nothing in particular and doing fuck all with Tess is just better. Her large sofa means he can spread out and there's still room for her to curl up, still in contact with him and he can nap while she reads, and maybe plays with his hair absently. Or they might actually sit down to watch a movie, because Tess is a film nut, especially about old horror films. He has to admit that watching them with her is fun because she makes the most amusing comments.

Once in a while they’ll have a serious conversation about something - but never about themselves. They're too scared to ask the hard questions. They're... content with how things are.

Sleep

Sleep is a precarious affair for both of them. Dante doesn't need to sleep as much as humans but he does like to conserve his energy and motivation -- like a lion in the savannah, he says. Which... is a poor disguise for his laziness. The truth of the matter is that Dante sleeps poorly much of the time because he's still plagued by nightmares and insomnia brought by guilt and depression.

Tess on the other hand, has frequent bouts of insomnia coming from her hyper-sensitive sixth sense, and is prone to night-terrors and sleep paralysis. She suffers frequent, aggressive visitations by ghosts and other entities attracted to her, and there is only so much she can do to ward her sleeping space and herself from their influences. There are times when she goes sleepless for days until she can solve an issue and it shows.

Dante finds this incredibly frustrating because it's something he can't do much to help her with. There's nothing to fight. He takes some small comfort in her saying that his sheer oppressive presence drives off the small fry, the ones too scared of a demon's aura to bother her.

Which is one more reason why they enjoy sharing a bed. Dante's big, warm and very cozy to sleep nestled against and Dante gets an incredible amount of satisfaction just holding her. She fits very nicely against his chest and hearing her sleep soundly makes him nice and drowsy too. He normally sleeps on his back but it's nice to practically curl up around her.

Laughter

Dante is usually seen scoffing sarcastically, or chuckling in amusement at something going on. It's not common to see him belly laugh often, he saves that for the moments when he's relaxed and around people he trusts. He's started doing it a lot more often now that he's dating Tess because her sense of humor can really get to him. She has a way of telling stupid stories from her jobs relating to ghosts or other witches in a sassy way that makes him wheeze. She considers these moments a personal triumph.

On the other hand, Tess' sense of humor often undermines her usual confident and collected appearance. Dante's cheesy lines and his showboating and his particular brand of jokes crack her up way too easily at times, even when she's trying very hard to keep a straight face. Dante actively enjoys attempting to make her fall apart and when she gets going, she's gone, leading him to call her "crazed hyena" when she's having one of her fits.

They’re both dorks.

#panda writes #devil may cry #oc: tess templar #dmc #headcanons #oc headcanons #dmc headcanons #dante #dmc dante

[prismadog]

I have a third chapter to I Can't Decide! and it's uploaded to ao3! I have one more chapter after this one and then I have to figure out what to write after this. it shouldn't be too difficult following session 2, it's just the matter of actually writing and a matter of how badly is my soul gonna wanna leave my body.

anyway, link to ao3 -> I Can't Decide: Pearl

fic under the line!

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I Can't Decide: Pearl

She sits curled up against a wall, face pressed into her wolf’s fur, and shudders from the cold. She has nothing in this world save Tilly, a small campfire, her treasures from the nether, and this barren hole in the ground.

She hates it.

Mobs wander outside the man-made cave, unaware of the player who hides just below them. Skeletons rattle and spiders skitter, zombies moan and creepers hiss, a phantom screeches in the distance.

Pearl can’t sleep. She’s tired, exhausted, but she can’t sleep, and it’s not from a lack of trying. If she could, she would sleep for a hundred years if only to escape from the problems she created.

Her soulmate lies awake too, angry at the world for pairing them together and angry at her for not looking for him. Scott hates her, well and truly hates her, and all before they’ve even begun to explore their connection.

They’re supposed to be soulmates, they’re supposed to be partners in this stupid world, they’re supposed to be there for each other. What about their bond?

How come I get stuck with someone who doesn’t care about our bond? a voice snarls in her ears, in her head.

She shivers at the words, imagining that it’s Scott’s voice in her head. “I do care,” she whispers into the night, voice rough and cracking from disuse - when was the last time she spoke? “I care so much it hurts.”

She should’ve never followed Martyn to the nether.

She should’ve stayed in the Overworld and searched for him, for her chosen soulmate.

If she stayed, they could’ve found each other and they’d be happy.

That’s all she wants now, she wants it more than anything in the world. If she could just talk to Scott, get him to listen to her, she’d tell him how much she really cares and wants to be with him. If she can’t have that, then maybe she’d just ask him to acknowledge the bond they share.

There’s no bond between us, the voice hisses.

“Please,” she begs to no one, to the voice. 

She doesn’t want to hear that, she can’t hear that, it’s too much, it’s too much for her heart to take. Why did it have to be this way? Why did she go with Martyn? Why did she not look for Scott?

She should’ve. She should’ve stayed. She knows she should’ve stayed. If she did, she wouldn’t be here. If she stayed, she would be with him right now. If she stayed, everything would be okay.

Everything would be okay and they’d be happy.

She wouldn’t be here shaking from the cold. She wouldn’t be here hating herself for not being a better partner. She wouldn’t be here with her heart crumbling in her hands. She wouldn’t be alone.

Pearl sniffles, chest tight.

She doesn’t want to be alone. She wants to be with Scott. She wants to be with him so bad it hurts. She wants that more than anything.

What I want ‘more than anything’ is to break the bond, the voice tells her, cold as ice.

Her breath catches in her throat. “N-o,” she chokes out, tears welling and spilling over.

He can’t want that. He can’t. He can’t he can’t he can’t.

There’s nothing I want more. 

A shot to the heart, right through to her soul, her very core, sharp and piercing. She can’t breathe. She can’t think and she can’t breathe. Tears stream down her face and dampen Tilly’s fur - the wolf whines, nuzzling her.

He can’t really want that. He just can’t. He has to want her. He has to want to be happy. He has to want to be with her as much as she wants to be with him. He has to. He has to he has to he has to.

Scott has to want to be her soulmate.

She chokes on air, she wails, she wants nothing more than for Scott’s words to not be true. He can’t really want to break the bond. He can’t want that. To do so would break her, it would shatter her heart into dust.

He has to want her.

I do, the voice breathes, barely a whisper, as though it’s telling her a secret that none should hear, I want you near. I want to love and be loved in return.

Her breath shudders at the confession and hope, just a tiny flame, a small beacon in the sea of despair, sparks in her chest where his words had cut the deepest. Scott does want her. 

Maybe they could start over?

If they could start over from the beginning, then everything would be okay. He wouldn’t hate her. He couldn’t hate her if they started over. She could be a better soulmate, she could find him and they’d be together and they’d be happy.

We can’t, the voice snaps, but it has less of an edge than before, less of a bite. There is no ‘starting over’, Pearl.

“But there could be,” she cries. If he just gave her a second chance.

No there can’t.

“Scott, please,” she begs, throat raw. 

He has to give her a second chance. Just one more chance. She’ll do better this time, she’ll be the perfect soulmate. She won’t go where she shouldn’t. She’ll try harder and be at his side like she’s supposed to. She’ll be a better partner if he just gave her one more chance.

One more chance and they’ll be happy. Just one more chance, please.

Shut up! the voice screams, Just shut up and leave me alone!

“Sc-ott.”

There’s a fire in her chest that doesn’t belong to her, raging and threatening to overtake her heart, to burn her until there’s nothing left. 

“Please,” she begs. 

“Just one more chance,” she pleads.

The voice who can only belong to her soulmate screams incoherently at her, trying to drown her out.

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#dl double life smp #dl double life fanfic #pearlecentmoon #angst - like really heavy angst #and heartbreak