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leet911 · 1 year

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Regret

They've been in Wildemount six days and Imogen casts sending every night before bed. It hasn't worked yet, but still she tries. She steels herself for the static as she weaves the spell and murmurs her message into the void.

"Laudna? Can you hear me? Tell me you're alright. I need you to be alright. Please. I'm sorry, Laudna. I–" The screeching feedback interrupts, washing out her words and cutting her off. A spike of pain shoots between her eyes, making her falter.

Imogen lets out a grunt of frustration, flings her pillow against the wall, and when it drops to the ground with a most unsatisfying sound, she invokes her power. She pulls it from the ground with telekinesis, rips the pillow apart in the air. As down flutters around the room, Imogen thinks of screaming, but then she remembers that Laudna isn't around to mend her messes, and she instead falls back to the bed with a sob.

There's a soft knock at her door. "Are you ok?" It's Fearne.

Imogen tries to steady herself and her voice. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"Can I come in?" Fearne is not convinced.

Imogen opens the door and looks around sheepishly. There are still small bits of dust and feathers drifting around the room. She realizes then, that she's not wearing her gloves, and her markings are clearly visible. Self-conscious, she rubs her exposed forearms where the "Whitestone is for lovers" shirt doesn't cover.

Fearne steps in and glances about. Her voice is soft and gentle. "Do you want a hug?"

Imogen nods without looking up.

Warmth engulfs her as Fearne reaches out. "It's ok if you miss her." Fearne smells like the outdoors, like wilderness and animals. It reminds Imogen of Flora, and Gelvaan, and those mornings spent in the woods with Laudna, back before it felt like the world was ending. Or maybe it did feel like the world was ending then, but for entirely different reasons, and they hadn’t known it actually was ending.

"It's…" Imogen rubs at her own neck,"it's just that I promised myself we wouldn't be apart again."

"None of this is your fault."

"But I promised her I wouldn't ever leave." Imogen thinks she might cry, and she hates herself for it. All this power at her fingertips, and she still feels useless. Calm emotions beckons at her, but that sounds too much like avoiding the question. That sounds too much like cheating. Because maybe Imogen believes she needs this pain, that she deserves this punishment. Imogen was supposed to save the world, even if she never asked for it. Imogen was supposed to save the world so that Laudna would have time to hear all the things Imogen still had to say to her.

"We got sent away, maybe they did too. We'll find them."

"But what if we're too late? What if something happened, and Laudna needs us, and we're not there. You heard what Deanna said.” Imogen’s voice drops to a whisper. “What if Laudna needs me?" And she isn’t sure if the whisper is to keep the thought from Fearne or herself. Because the next thought stays inside her own head, not daring to be spoken or broadcast. What if I need Laudna? See, Imogen remembers the last time Laudna was beyond the reach of her magic and what that meant.

The arms around her tighten. “Laudna is stronger than she looks. Orym and Ashton are too.”

Imogen sighs, nods her head. She knows it’s true. Laudna is the strongest person she’s ever met.

“Do you want a cookie?” Fearne asks all of a sudden. “FCG made them.” And she rummages through her pouch to pull out a lone cookie. “It’s not warm anymore, but it’s still pretty good.”

Imogen takes the treat because accepting seems easier than refusing, and eating is easier than talking. She’s not really hungry but she bites into it anyway.

It’s a gingersnap, of course. It’s crispy on the outside, and a little soft in the center. Just like Imogen. Or Laudna. The surface is sweet, dusted with sugar, but there’s depths of spice hidden underneath. And in the finish, the slightest tang of citrus. Esteross’ recipe. Laudna’s favorite.

The rest of the cookie is devoured. And to Imogen, it tastes just like regret.

#critical role spoilers #imodna #fanfiction #imogen temult #fearne calloway #c3e52 spoilers #angst train choo choo

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utilitycaster · 11 months

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I think another element of Orym's involvement in this whole plot that is getting misconstrued or otherwise used inappropriately is Liam's statement that Orym can't be objective about this.

It's true that he can't be objective about the person who murdered his husband! I think very few people would be! But that doesn't change the fact that it is in fact completely and yeah, objectively true that the Vanguard murdered his husband because they wanted to get to Keyleth to test if Vax would show up, and so Keyleth's guards obviously tried to prevent an attack on Keyleth, and not only were they killed for defending her, they were killed in a way that specifically prevented resurrection, to no known benefit.

Orym's lack of objectivity doesn't mean he's in the wrong or that he should have to make himself to see the other side of "maybe the people who killed innocent guards as part of their moon experiments have a point." It just means that, for example, even if Abbadina is very pleasantly and calmly saying "oh I don't have any stakes in the moon thing nor do I know this guy who talked over the ley line broadcasting system, I just think he's right about the gods," he's going to leave the house and sleep outside instead of calmly listening. He's not going to be able to make that more general and detached argument about power and murder that Laudna and Ashton can make (also informed by their past experiences, but a little more removed). This is, for him, extremely personal; but he is still correct.

I think a comparable if obviously much less morally/theologically fraught example would be that Laudna, understandably, gets upset when Ashton talks to her about his own experiences with loneliness. It's a great scene, because both characters have experienced pretty profoundly lonely times in their lives.

Would it be appropriate for someone to say "well, Laudna obviously can't be objective here; she's relying too much on her own past experiences to inform her judgment, so we should ignore her"? I think it's pretty obvious that's an absolutely fucking stupid thing to say; but that's what people are saying when they're bringing up Orym's emotional response. People are still allowed to have pretty strong subjective feelings about things that objectively happened.

#critical role spoilers #again: there's a pretty horrifying lack of empathy problem and it's coming from a specific place.#if you argued that imogen is justified because her deadbeat mom's involved and orym isn't justified bc his husband was? let's unpack that.#(again: argument here is that both make points but also objectively orym is correct in saying that otohan kills innocents.)#(god there was also someone saying that the party also kills people and literally brought up bandits)#yes. killing someone who attacks you first is in fact different than running experiments with a 6 person casualty rate #and using the anti-resurrection toxin to boot #like. some people really not beating the living in a pod of goo and only ever having seen carefully selected youtube clips of CR allegation #also not beating the reddit atheist allegations tbh

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captainrikerr5 · 3 months

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Ashton Irwin working on his new album via his Instagram Broadcast Channel 🎶

#5sos #5 seconds of summer #ashton irwin #ashton irwin instagram #ashton5sos #ashton 5 seconds of summer #ashton 5sos

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ashtonsunshine · 3 months

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fuck! x

#rock on baby!#5sos #ashton irwin #ashton broadcast #ashtonsunshinegifs

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toomuchracket · 1 month

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hi mads, random, but are you from glasgow? i'm going there in a few weeks and wondering if you had recommendations for cute places, shops and cafes to visit???

technically no but i practically live there at this point lol. ok so i think you should go out the west end (get the subway to hillhead/kelvinhall/kelvinbridge/maybe even partick) and go to kelvingrove gallery and/or the botanic gardens - there are a lot of cute cafes and restaurants out that way too!! alternatively, get the train from central and hang out in shawlands for a bit, there are some really lovely independent shops, and you could also get off the train at pollokshaws west and go to see the highland cows in pollok country park (there are baby ones!!); there's also the burrell collection, a gallery, within the park too. if you like pizza, paesano is the move (there's one in the west end AND one in the city centre), and definitely sugo for pasta (literally my fav place of all time). for drinks in the city centre, i like stereo and tabac for something chill, king tuts is iconic, and devil of brooklyn is meant to be fab - for coffee, tinderbox (they have a few locations across the city), laboratorio espresso, spitfire, or social bite on sauchiehall street (their proceeds go to helping reduce homelessness, and the cakes are AMAZING). drinks in the west end, i'd go to inn deep or banana moon, or somewhere down ashton lane or oran mor if i was feeling a bit fancier, and i tend to buy coffee in the alchemy experiment whenever i'm out there just for an excuse to go in lol - it's a gallery space/cafe hybrid, where they sell art and other little independently-crafted bits and bobs, and if you're there then walk a few doors down to onawallnearyou for prints as well. if you're going any further east than glasgow cross - which you should, to go to the barras market at the weekend - saint luke's and the winged ox for drinks (nice food, too), and us v them for coffee. OH also if you're looking for something cute to do, definitely go pottery painting at the craft pottery (book via insta), and golf fang is meant to be really fun crazy golf but i have yet to try. and tbh if it's live music you're after then i'd just see what's on in stereo/king tuts/broadcast/nice n sleazys while you're there lol you might end up seeing the next big thing!! yeah there's so much to do. gonna tag jade @theseventyfive to see if she has any recs that i've forgotten lol <3

#mads answers asks #chatty bits

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gaycheeseandcrackers · 3 months

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Ashton’s broadcast channel on Instagram is really what’s keeping me going right now not even lying

#Ashton Irwin #5sos #5 seconds of summer

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grigori77 · 12 days

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Critical Role, Campaign 3 Episode 91

A long episode with an ominous title ... yeah, this can't bode well at all ...

Sam's a cat again. Great ... oh, Taliesin's a mouse? Of course he is. This is more like it ... Travis is loving this already ... ah, short but sweet, definitely ... oh yeah, I totally agree with Ashley, massive Donnie Darko vibes ... XD

Liam: "I want Sam and Tal to reenact that scene from The Shining." Um ... okay? O.O

So, picking up right where we left off, then ... chaos, and LOTS of craziness, with VERY heavy implications ...

Oh, so Liliana is HUNTING, now? For them in particular? Or just ... ANYTHING? Hmmm ...

Yes, SHUSH, Pate! You're REALLY loud right now ...

Chetney-wolf: "Hold onto my tail! Tighter!" Stop it, Travis ... XD

This is going to be a complicated getaway, clearly ...

PANIC!!! Great ... how long is it gonna be before they get spotted? CAN THEY get away from this?

Mystics? Crap ... "a Murder of Mystics" ... yeah ...

A little on-the-run healing and repair work ...

Balls, good point ... yeah, they have NO IDEA where they are or where they're going ... and now Ashley's cocking dice all over the place ... O.O

Oh, this can't be good ...mystical shenanigans ... FUCK!!! Invisibility is now GONE!!! Shit! Oh this is SO FUCKING BAD ...

PLEASE don't tell me they just lost their Telepathic Bond too ... oh for the love of the GODS, Matthew, you cruel bastard ... NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOO!!!

Hide! Just fucking HIDE, people!

Wow ... Taliesin rolled amazing, but Sam and Ashley rolled BALLS on Stealth ... that's so bad ... oh shit, and now they've got GLoamglut RIGHT ABOVE THEM!!! Ouch ... does it see them? Oh no, Fearne, PLEASE do not try to PET the fucking thing!

Marisha: "There are no dumb ideas in D&D!" Are you SERIOUS? OF COURSE there are!

AAAAAAAAAND now they're blown ... good one, Fearne! Now they're coming down ...

Ashton, WHAT THE FUCK are you doing? Oh, that's right, HE IS still in his powered state ... 32 points of damage on the wall? Holy fuck ... oh yeah, that's just a FANTASTIC distraction/escape ... nice! Just run. RUN!!!

Another wall? Oh yeah ... BOOM!!! Ashton's just a demolition MACHINE right now ...

NOW he's knocking down a building they're not even going into ... bit overly much for cover, isn't it? Jeeze, Ashton ... STOP ENCOURAGING THIS, Matthew!

Oh yeah, they're TOTALLY broadcasting their location now ...

Seriously, just HIDE while you got cover, seriously ...

Crap, Dex saves for the three of them? O.O ... oh hell, what's that fucking Fay dragon gonna do? Darkfire? Oh hell ... whoa, 16 points is HALF damage? Ow ...

Oh, NOW Imogen's casting Invisibility? Yes, do that ...

Evoroa gives directions ... yes, good move ... do that now!

Quart mile away? No, HALF of that? Hmmm ...

Back to the panicked chase ... RUN RUN RUN!!!

Can they fit through that? Ashton's going under, apparently ... just SQUEEZE guys ... yeah, shquish in those fantastic tits and that luscious butt, Fearne! Crap, it's coming again! I hate that fucking dragon!

Oh wow, the Sorrowlord speaks! He knows she's here! Crap!

Pass Without a Trace! Finally!

Fearne: "Do we need to cut off your wheels?" FCG: "127 hours!" Cue sawblade startup whir ...

Wow, Zathuda is actually MONOLOGUING ... Fearne: "Can you say all that again?" LOL ...

Fungus? Great ... Annihilation? Cool ...

"Pussy in Bio"? Nice flask nonsense this time, Samuel ...

PEG IT!!! Once it's clear, anyway ...

Polymorph, yes ... a "moon thing"? Hmmmm ... so she turns FCG into a Slither ... okay ... and then she Wildshapes into one too ... okay, get tunneling guys!

Ah, yes ... where ARE THEY going?

A Survival roll? Oh boy ... 28? Nice one, Ashley! Heading back towards their exit, then ...

And so back to the others ...

A Wisdom save IMMEDIATELY? Fuck, Matthew ... 15? Hmm ... wait, THAT'S not good enough? Shit! O.O

Laudna: "You're not like a sleeper agent, are you?" No, really, please don't even put that karma OUT THERE!

The Sprawl Grotto? Cool ...

Yeah, they don't know WHERE they're going right now ...

Bronze fountain! OKay ... oh hell, what's THIS shit?

And now they're very effectively TRAPPED. Great ... is this them SPECIFICALLY, or just general? Oh, it's DEFINITELY for them ... not good ...

SHIT!!! LIliana is now RIGHT ABOVE THEM ... "Did ... you ... KNOW?!!!"

Is Imogen REALLY gonna try and bluff this? Wow ...

Oh, so she has been THROUGH IT ...

The locket? Oooooh ... O.O

Can she talk her down? Get through to her somehow? COME ON ... Persuasion roll? Oh boy ... 16? Whoa ... um ... is that enough?

Wait ... DID THAT just work?

Yeah, just RUN ...

Oh, for fuck's sake ... NOW what? Damn it, more mystics? Crap ... oh yeah, they're proper BUSTED ... crap, this is the ACTUAL Weave Mind?

Oh, so this MIGHT be an illusion? Hmmm ...

Hold on, are they doing something to Chet? Crazy werewolf shit? Crap ... and Travis totally fails that save ... O.O ... bollocks, this is so bad ... Sam: "Quick! Distract them with a toy!"

Liam: "If we keep making these jokes for 30 minutes we won't have to deal with this problem!" LOL

Orym is choosing NOW to invoke Nana Morri ... oh boy ...

What just happened?

Nothing immediately around, but they're in the area ... just GO. Right now, just FUCKING GO. RIGHT NOW.

Back to the Burrowers ...

It's oh so quiet ... that CANNOT be good ... yeah, just BOOK IT ... nuts, more mystics ...

Oh, they FOUND THEM? Okay ... yeah, just FOLLOW THEM!!! Quick!

Going up? Yes, seems the smart way to go.

Yeah, they DO NOT speak Slither ... aaaaand they're finally back together ... in the most ridiculous way possible ... XD

Yeah, sending a merssage to the Volition would probably be the smart move right now ... maybe they could send somebody to find you ...

So, where to go now?

Imogen Sends to Rashinna ... so the safehouse is out ... hmmm ... so they're just going to have to find alternative digs ...

OOh ... yeah, do that! A giant mole sounds so cool ... like that one in City of Ember! O.O That'd be sweet ...

FCG's still a Slither? Oh boy ...

Crap! What's this? Oh no, what the fuck ... PLEASE don't be fucking Otohan! No ... NO!!! Fuck ... that bitch is SO FUCKING CLOSE now ... hell ... JUST RUN, guys!

Ashton pops up out the ground and SMACKS THE ROOF OF THE TUNNEL with his hammer once they're through ... smart and sweet ... oh fuck ... you mean he COULD collapse the whole thing? Thankfully not ... phew!

Bollocks, Otohan is COMING!!! Fuck ...

RUN!!! JUST FUCKING RUN!!!

Crap ... SHE'S FOUND THEM!!! They're in deep shit ... AND NOW he chooses to call a break? Seriously? Matthew!

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck ... and now he's producing a Battlemap ... AAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!! Cut Wizzkids plug! Also FUCK!!!

Fuck me ... is the rest of this episode JUST gonna be combat? Gods no ... I'm not ready for this ...

ROLL INITIATIVE!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

So ... Orym's up first ... he slips between her leags and turns round to attack her fancy backpack ... OKAY!!! A Crit! Go, wee man! 38 points of damage! Yeah! Another hit! Yeah! ANOTHER Crit! Sweet! 25 points ... anmd she's Hexed too ... nice ...

Legendry Action? Crap ... Telekinetic Control? Fuck ... and even with Indomitable Orym can't resist it ... she flings him like a ragdoll! Ouch!

Laudna unleashes her Hellhoud because she is FURIOUS right now! Yeah ... FCG names the pooch Caviar? Cute ... now she Banes Otohan ... goody!

Otohan dashes off ... giving the Hellhound an attack of opportunity ... which fails ... crap! She attacks Chetney ... oof ... 27 points of slashing damage! Ow! Plus the Psionic knocks him prone ... another 16 points with additional Force? Argh ... and another 13 plus 9 more ... AND another hit? 13 plus 10! Fuck ... he is BARELY alive now ... O.O

fuck, and she has ANOTHER attack with an offhand weapon? Fuck ... ACTION SURGE?!!! Matthew NO!!! PLEASE don't do this! Silvery Barbs from Laudna ... which fails? Shit! Fuck ... and now he's OUT!!! She keeps hitting him, 2 IMMEDIATE Death Saves ... argh ...

Fuyck ... she just straight MURDERED him ... LAST WORDS? What the fuck?

Sweet fuck ... CHETNEY'S FUCKING DEAD?!!! Are you serious, Matt?

Now she's going after Fearne? FUCK!!! No ... and now SHE'S on the ground too ... fuck!

Ashton pops up out of the ground RIGHT IN FRONT of Fearne to block the coming attack ... he swings at her with the hammer ... "Gosh, you got a punchable fucking face!" 23 points of damage and he knocks her back HARD ... Density Well? OKay ... he batters a nearby platform and knockd it RIGHT ONTO HER ... YES!!! She sort of dodges so it's just a glancing hit ... he's monochrome now ...

Otohan rushes Imogen ...

Fearne is FURIOUS about Chetney as she flames on like the Human Torch! Nice! Oh, nice fiery Fearne mini, Matt! O.O She comes in right behind the bitch ...

Oh, so Otohan's like doing MONK SHIT? Fuck ...

FCG goes to Chetney's corpse and casts Revivify at 7th Level ... please ... please please PLEASE let this work ... come on, Changebringer! Come thorugh in clutch ... please ... YES!!! THE WOLFMAN IS ALIVE AGAIN!!! Thank fuck ...

Caviar! Attack! Kill this bitch, you wonderful Hellhoud! 19 MISSES? Seriously? Fuck ...

Otohan attacks Imogen ... 14 points of Force damage ... she gets knocked BACK but not down, at least ...

Imogen Telkinetically grabs the backpack and tries to tear it right off her ... oh wow ... and it WORKS!!! Oh yes! Let's go! She pounds it into the ceiling and smashes it to fuck! BEAUTIFUL!!! She grabs her hand and casdts Shocking Grasp ... go go go ... 14 points of damage! Yes!

Orym Misty Steps to her and pulls a Bat & Switch with Imogen, then takes a swing ... NAT20!!! YEAH!!! 23 points of slashing damage! Then 14 points! A Crit! 28 points! VENGEANCE!!! YES!!! Go wee man!

Laudna drops a 5th Level Blight on the bitch ... oh fuck, Legendary RESISTANCE? Damn it ... whoa ... 51 damage? Even halved that is SWEET ... Eldritch Blast! Yeah! Hit! Hit! And another hit! SWEET!!! 13 damage, then 15, then another 15! YEAH!!!

Now Otohan goes for Imogen again? Oh for fuck's sake ... thankfully she fails miserably ... second hits though ... ouch ... Orym to the rescue! Nice defence! And Silvery Barbs from Laudna! Yes ...

She keeps going for Imogen ... she is just POURING the hurt on ... and now she's going for Orym? Hmmm ...

Three way attack of opportunity? Fearne CRITS IT!!! Nice! 16 damage! Yeah ... Orym gbets another 22 on her ...

Now she goes for Laudna ... just hits her Mirror instead ... and the second ... and the third ... but then gets her with a CRIT!!! Oof ... 14 slashing and 12 Force damage ... ow ... and she's knocked down ...

Chetney shakes off the rust ... as he flanks he Misty Steps to Imogen and pours a healt potion into her for 12 points back, then slopes back away to safety ...

Ashton powers up as close as he can to Otohan, then holds until she gets into range ...

Otohan uses anothe Legendary Action to attack Laudna ... 10 points of slahsing damage and 18 of Force ... ow ...

Fearne casts 6th Level Blight on her ... gah, only half? 39, down to 18 ... fuck's sake ... it's STARTING to take a toll, but still ...

She's going for Laudna AGAIN?!!! Fuck ...

FCG rolls towards Orym, then pulls a mass Cure Wounds on everyone. ALL OF THEM get 23 points back except himself ...

Caviar attacks again and it's another miss ... crap!

Imogen gets up AGAIN and hurls a Psychic Lance at her ... a Nat20 on her save? Are you FUCKING KIDDING? Argh ... 30 points halved to 15 ... nuts ... so so tries to Telekinetically Push her towards Ashton ... but it fails ... crap ...

Orym tries to jump on top of her and slash down into her ... it hits! Yeah! 9 points, then a Crit ... 18! Third misses, though ... then he backs off to give Ashton room to attack ... she gets an attack of opportunity ... OUCH!!! 16 slashing and 10 Force damage ... shit ...

Why does she KEEP attacking Laudna?

Destroy this bitch, Laudna! HUnger of the Shadow Shard? Oh sweet ... wait ... WHAT? That doesn't work? COME ON, Matthew! Argh ... so she Quickens a 5th Level Hunger ... which HITS ... 48 damage on this bitch! Yeah ...

Oh, she's FLARING? Fuck ... Exultant's Fury? Double fuck ...

But now she's been pulled into Ashton's Gravity Well and he attacks ... 23 plus 2 of fire damage! POW!!!

But now it's HER turn ... she goes for Ashton ... and hits him ... ow ... twice ... AND ANOTHER? Fucking hell ... I can't believe he's still up ... wait, he has Erratic Defence? Okay ... so he slams her right into the wall! Nice ...

She retreats ... and attack Imogen while she does it? Fuck ... Imogens's knocked down ... AND she gets an Action Surge? What? FCG takes half of the damage, BARELY saving her from going out right there ... second hit takes her out, though ... FUCK!!! Now she's going for Chetney instead ...

FUCK ME, CHetney's out AGAIN?!!! Un-fucking-FAIR!!!

Now she's going for FCG ...

Top of the round ... come on Ashton ... he charges her flat out while charging up ... Nat20 on the first hit! Yes! Chaos Burst ... 64 points of damage in a single hit? Wow ... how is she STILL UP?

Otohan goes for FCG ...

Fearne pulls Scorching Rays on her ... fuck ... that doesn't work out HALF as well as we'd expect ... wait, she's FIRE RESISTANT? FUCK!!!

She attacks Letters ... and he's OUT!!! Fuck! Death save ... 19 ... oh thank fuck ...

Wow ... Caviar is just COMPLETELY BALLS on this fight, isn't he?

Imogen Crits her Death Save ... SHE'S AWAKE again! Oh thank fuck ...

Orym picks himself up and draws Seedling, using it to pull himself to Ashton, bouncing off him to attack her ... first attack misses ... second hits ... 12 slashing damage ... next hits ... eight damage ...

Laudna casts Wither & Bloom at 3rd Level to get FCG up again ... spends a sorcery point to quicken qnd pours 12 Necrotic damage points into Otohan ... quckens again, pours an Eldritch Blast into her ... two hits one miss ... 16 damage altogether, halved to 8 ... oof ...

Otohan goes for Orym ... fuck, she is just KILLING It tonight and I hate it ... Orym is BARELY UP right now ... wait ... where the fuck ... she just DRANK A SUPERIOR HEALING POTION?!!! Son of a bitch! 66 POINTS BACK?!!! Fucking hell ...

Chetney succeeds his second Death save ...

Legendary attack on Fearne ... gods fucking DAMN IT ...

Ashton attacks ... first hit is a CRIT!!! 46 points of damage! Yeah ... next hit is a miss? Fuck ... what, is that ALL he can do? Shit ...

She hits him right back ... FUCK!!!

Fearne casts Aura of Life ... it helps, i guess ... zand there's NOTHING ELSE she can do ... O.O

Otohan hits HER ... nasty hit ... but she's got Armour of Agathys, so she burns her right back ... but Aura of Life is GONE ... fuck ... as if she NEVER cast it ...

FCG flips his coin and asks "Run or fight?" Hmmmm ... it lands on its side? Interesting ... so he casts a mass Cure Wounds ... 23 points back to everybody but Fearne ... and now his mood has turned RED?!!! Fucking hell ... so he's gone berserk again ...

Caviar tanks YET ANOTHER FUCKING ATTACK ... oh my GODS why is the Hellhound even OUT?

Imogen casts Sending to her mother ... REALLY?!!! Fucking hell ... and she's COMING?!!! Wow ... mothering instinct is STRONG. Otherwise there is NOTHING she can do right now ... so she's just gonna continue to play dead? Nuts ...

Orym is in shitty condition but pushes through ... makes an attack, small hit ... he's barely hanging in on this fight ... fuck ... so he downs a potion on the bonus action? Okay ...

Laudna casts Phantasmal Force to make Otohan see Liliana coming in to FUCK HER UP?!!! Wow ... and the bitch RESISTS IT ... shit ... that was almost so cool ... so she just Eldritch Blasts her instead ... a hit and a Crit ... 7 on the hit ... she Empowers the Crit ... 11 altogether ... not spectacular but it chips away at her ...

She attacks Orym ... and he's DOWN ... FUCK!!! Next on Fearne ... Shield protects her! Yes! So she goes for Ashton instead ... now an Action Surge on him too? Fucking hell ... and he's ALMOST down except that he's RAGING so he keeps 1 hit point ... fuck ... but her next takes HIM down too ... FUCKING HELL!!!

She attacks Imogen while she's down ... Deception Check? OMG ... barely makes it through ...

Is there ANYTHING Chetney can do? He pulls out Turmoil and casts Shatter ... 19 points of Thunder damage ... and that's all he wrote ... fuck ...

Now she attacks FCG ...

Fearne cuts her off and inflicts 48 points of damage on her ...

She attacks FCG again ... he is BARELY alive at this point and completely insane right now ...

FCG casts Guiding Bolt ... on HIMSELF?!!! Fucking hell ... what the fuck is he DOING? He's self-destructing? What the hell, Sam? Oh, this sounds SO BAD ... is this genuinely going to DESTROY him if he does this?

Oh my gods he is genuinely making a fucking MEAL out of this self-sacrifice ...

Fuck me ... is Matt CRYING? Wow ... whoa ... EVERYBODY IS LENDING HIM DICE to do this ... O.O ... what the epic FUCK, Sam? Oh my fuck that is A LOT of rolls ...

79 damage ...

Sam's description of FCG's death is BEAUTIFUL in the most heartbreaking way possible ... his eyes go white again? Oh my fucking gods ...

Otohan is RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF IT ... holy fuck, she is DEAD ... and so is Letters ... oh my fucking gods I don't believe it ... what the fuck, Samuel?

Holy shit, the whole table is just IN SHOCK right now ...

Just like the rest of the party ... slowly they start to pick themselves and each other up ... those who are down are nursedc back enough to get them on their feet ...

IS THERE anything left of FCG? Ashton finds the coin ... Chetney collects Otohan's backpack ...

They throw what's left of Otohan in the Hole.

Ashton POUNDS an exit into the wall with his fists. They're on the surface again ... and here comes Liliana ... she can already tell they just lost someone ...

So is she with THEM now?

That's it for the night ...

Fuck ... we're all exhausted and completely devastated and SO FUCKING SAD ... oh my gods ... seriously though, NOW what?

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doveabovetheworld · 4 months

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ASHTON’S BROADCAST ON INSTAGRAM- 😭

He’s literally adorable

#he’s so cute 😭#he just wants to chat #he looks so happy #i love him #5sos #ashton irwin #5 seconds of summer #calum hood #luke hemmings #micheal clifford #ari’s thoughts

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br1ghtestlight · 3 months

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btw if anyone was curious what awards bob's burgers has actually won over the years. because I think it's interesting??

jeremy reuben (bobs editor) won for best edited animation in a non-theatrical production for vampire disco death dance

kristen schaal won an outstanding achievement awkward for voice acting in an animated television/broadcast production for the hawk and chick episode

steven davis and kelvin yu (bob's writers) won an outstanding achievement award for writing in an animated television/broadcast production for writing the hauntening

bob's burgers won an award for best general audience animated tv program for glued, where's my bob?

lizzie and wendy molyneux ALSO won an outstanding achievement award for writing in an animated television/broadcast production. for the hormone-iums episode

h jon benjiman also won an outstanding achievement award for voice acting in an animated television/broadcast production but for roamin' bob day

bob's burgers won an award for best mature audience animated television/broadcast production for some like it bot eighth grade runner

julie ashton-barson (casting director for bob's burgers) won an outstanding achievement award for casting in an animated television production

bob's burgers won an award for outstanding animated program at the primetime emmy's for both mazel-tina and bob, actually (and POSSIBLY the plight before christmas as the nomination is still pending)

dan fybel (writer) also won an award for best writing in a television animation for housetrap :)

#didnt clarify which award they actually won bcuz it doesn't really mean anything to me lmao #I just like knowing what episodes were considered good enough to win awards!!!!!#but it was like 80% annie awards 10% emmys and 10% other smaller award ceremonies #txt #bob's burgers

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justzawe · 2 years

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‘I said, put me in a corset asap’: Zawe Ashton on period dramas, pregnancy and embracing silliness

After a series of harrowing roles, the former Fresh Meat star is rediscovering her ‘joyful side’, with a Bridgerton-esque romp – and a baby on the way with Tom Hiddleston

by Liv Little

It’s the day after Zawe Ashton’s 38th birthday when we speak. She’s wearing a bright red, Regency-inspired, rose-covered headdress; she’s had it on since her celebrations with friends and family the night before. “I’ve worn this all weekend. And I thought: ‘Shall I act cool and take it off for Liv? Or will she appreciate it on some level?’” she says with a laugh.

Ashton is still buzzing from the birthday love – as well as, perhaps, the early praise for her leading role in the period film drama Mr Malcolm’s List. She insists she avoids looking at reviews or engaging with what the public think, but it’s impossible to remain completely in the dark. “Obviously, you end up hearing things … That’s the thing I’m hypersensitive to, what that means for the film-makers especially,” she says earnestly.

This year marks the start of a new chapter for Ashton, both personally – she’s expecting her first child with her fiance, Tom Hiddleston – and professionally: alongside Mr Malcolm’s List, she has a villainous role in superhero blockbuster The Marvels on the horizon. Both developments will bring a level of attention she’s unused to; despite starting out in showbiz when she was just six years old (she appeared as an extra in the beloved British-Caribbean sitcom Desmond’s), Ashton has managed to avoid the chaotic life of many who find themselves in the spotlight from a young age.

I ask if she deliberately keeps what is most sacred to her private. “I’m not Gwyneth Paltrow. I don’t know how to do that thing,” she says, by which she means broadcasting the most intimate parts of her life for the world to dissect. Although, let’s be real, that is already happening without Ashton’s permission: ever since she and Hiddleston were first linked in late 2019, after they starred together in the London revival of Harold Pinter’s Betrayal, the internet has been full of feverish speculation about their relationship.

Still, she doesn’t mean to cast shade on Paltrow. “I mean, I love the Goop of it all,” she adds, referring to Paltrow’s Netflix series Sex, Love and Goop, which takes couples on a journey of sexual and spiritual awakening. “I binged it in one night,” she says. It’s an admission you could never imagine being made by the character she’s best known for – the achingly edgy Vod from Fresh Meat, the cult TV comedy set in a Manchester student flatshare. In contrast to Vod’s take-no-prisoners attitude, Ashton is all jokes and smiles, radiating warmth.

Though Ashton closely guards her private life, during the recent press tour for Mr Malcolm’s List she was unable to hide her very visible pregnancy. “That’s the hysterical thing,” she says. “No one wants to go on a press tour at the same time that they want to keep their personal life private, but that’s my ‘contractual professional obligation’,” she says, partly serious, partly making light of the situation.

Ashton landed in New York for the film’s premiere just as news broke that Roe v Wade had been overturned. “I thought: ‘Oh God, there’s nothing more tone deaf I could be doing right now than promoting a lighthearted movie.’ I was also very aware that my presence in that promotion would be as a pregnant person.” She argues that it’s more important than ever that the different journeys of child-bearing people are acknowledged. “We’re having very important conversations about the autonomy we have over our bodies. What better autonomy could I have than just doing it how I wanted to do it?” Ashton is conscious that not everyone has had the same experience. “I have so many friends who have been through real grief, with regards to pregnancy and conception. I hope I can represent anyone on this journey, in whatever way they’re on it. Cos it doesn’t get more ancient than this,” she says jokingly, nodding to the fact that she’s having her first child in her late 30s.

Ashton grew up in east London in a tight family unit with her Ugandan mother and English father, both teachers. She started acting when she was a child and has never been short of work; as well as her breakout role in Fresh Meat, she had parts in films ranging from St Trinian’s 2 to Nocturnal Animals, and more recently appeared in the fourth season of The Handmaid’s Tale. Yet before Mr Malcolm’s List, she had never starred in a period drama.

The film, set in 19th-century Britain, follows the hilarious and often devious character of Julia Thistlewaite (Ashton), who is in her fourth season of seeking a match in high society and at very real risk of being labelled past it. Her character plots revenge against the eligible bachelor Mr Malcolm (Sopé Dìrísù) after he rejects her for failing to meet all the criteria on his list of attributes for a prospective wife. She enlists the help of her cousin Selina (Freida Pinto), with whom she hopes he will fall in love, only for her to break his heart or at least massively embarrass him. It’s a role that makes the most of Ashton’s comic timing, and it’s unsurprising that her performance has been the most talked about of the film.

It wasn’t until watching Bridgerton that Ashton imagined finding a place for herself within the period genre. After falling in love with a world filled with romance, gossip and high tea, she sent her team an email saying: “‘Put me in a corset asap’ – but I didn’t think of it as on course to happening!” With the serendipity of the best romantic comedy, it wasn’t long before the call for Mr Malcolm’s List came through. The actor who had previously been cast in the lead role had dropped out, and Ashton was given just 24 hours to decide whether she wanted it. Despite being second choice, she accepted enthusiastically. “You mustn’t have any ego about this as an actor,” she says. “Film-making is intricate, it’s difficult, it’s expensive, it’s weird. And wherever you end up is wherever you end up. So I was just stoked to do it, because I had just watched Bridgerton, and I’m not going to lie, I thought: ‘The door is open!’”

That wasn’t always the case.

Ashton tells me that when she was studying acting in Manchester, teachers adopted a white-centric approach to period drama. “There was this terrible time when you had to do period pieces where the reference, or sometimes the explicit message, was that anyone of colour in the cast had to imagine themselves as white,” she recalls with dismay. “That’s actually what a director said to us as a group when we were doing a Restoration comedy. And you can imagine the comedy immediately left the bones of the seven people of colour.” Ashton, of course, is far from the first Black actor to share the traumas of being a minority within a majority-white acting class, which is why she’s now taking the time to deliver talks and connect with other students. “I’ve decided to dedicate myself to that this year,” she says.

As a self-described “creative chameleon”, it didn’t make sense to Ashton that the artistic fantasies of others didn’t stretch to seeing Black people step into worlds or characters unknown. “I couldn’t understand why the imagination I had as a reader of classic pieces was not being interpreted on screen.” She finds it absurd that it has taken almost 32 years of acting for her to be tasked with putting on a bonnet. “Sometimes there’s this undertone, like: ‘Well done for retaining enough energy to wait for this moment to happen.’ And that’s a little bit how it feels to step into period drama.”

Many of the roles Ashton played before Mr Malcolm’s List had been harrowing (with the notable exception of Fresh Meat). Earlier this year she starred as a survivor of sexual assault in Lucy Kirkwood’s urgent 25-minute BBC drama Maryland, a work filled with the collective anger of women fed up with a failing criminal justice system. In Dreams of a Life (released in 2011, the same year Fresh Meat premiered), she played the near-silent role of Joyce Carol Vincent, the north London woman whose dead body lay in front of her television for three years before anyone noticed she was gone.

The intensity of those characters’ worlds sits in stark contrast to the jubilance of Ashton’s latest part. She revelled in the chance to go light. “The process of getting into this character was like allowing myself to feel joyful, silly, tender, clumsy, goofy, soft.” These are, she suggests, states of being that Black women are often assumed not to experience. “I thought: ‘Why would anyone think that my peers and I were incapable of this joyful, tender thing?’ What’s that about?”

You’re allowed to play a fun role, I point out. “I am absolutely allowed!” she says. “I realised that for myself at some point in filming. That was a huge penny that dropped.”

She reflects on a protest she attended in east London recently, in response to the story of Child Q, the 15-year‑old schoolgirl who was strip-searched by police officers in 2020 after school staff falsely accused her of having marijuana in her possession. Child Q was menstruating at the time. Teachers and officers didn’t contact her parents before she was searched, and no other adults were present. As Ashton speaks, it is evident just how much the abuse experienced by Child Q disturbed her. ‘‘I went to the protest with a placard bearing a slogan that the writer Bonnie Greer had given me. She was like: ‘Why are people trying to take tenderness from young Black children?’ And I thought that was such a poetic way of putting it. So instead of something very boldly antagonistic, which is where your mind goes when you write a placard for any type of protest, I wrote: ‘Stop killing young Black children’s dreams’. Then I scrubbed that out, and put: ‘Let Black children dream’.”

Ashton might be starring in period dramas and Marvel movies these days, but not long ago she was on the verge of giving up acting altogether; she was worried about being typecast after five years of starring in Fresh Meat. “There are strange things that happen when you leave episodic television, and I think this applies in the UK and the US. There’s a really weird chunk of time where everyone wants you to do the same thing again.” She points to the example of Friends. “Look at the stalling Joey spin-off. Look at the subsequent difficult realigning of identities that someone like Matthew Perry, who played Chandler, went through.”

She briefly moved to the Kent seaside town of Margate in 2018 to clear her head; it helped her return to the industry refreshed. After years of navigating entertainment, she had been on the verge of burning out. “I think it’s because I started young, before any pendulum swing in the industry. I’ve seen it all at this point. The stories I could tell – I mean, that’s the reason I wrote Character Breakdown,” she says, referring to the book she published in 2019, which explores the horrors of the TV and film industry through a mix of fiction and memoir. It’s both shocking and humorous, and includes imagined scenes that reflect the power plays between film-makers, actors and agents. After her brief hiatus from the industry, the role to reel her back into the world of entertainment was, fittingly, that of a gallerist in 2019’s Velvet Buzzsaw, a horror-thriller situated in the world of fine art that asks the question: who is in control – the artist or the industry?

Reflecting on the Ashton of now versus the Ashton who rose to fame in Fresh Meat (the show turned 10 last year), she is more focused on the parts of herself that stayed the same rather than the elements that have changed. “I’m still someone who wants to create interesting characters,” she says. “I’m also someone who loves being part of a loving ensemble – that’s where I always feel most alive. I still love Manchester. I’m not that person any more, but I don’t really know in which ways I’m not – that’s so weird, isn’t it?”

It has been intriguing for Ashton to witness the ways people have seen themselves reflected in the character of Vod. “A student said to me: ‘You are the first person of colour I saw representing any sort of flavour of non-binary or punk or queerness on television.’” She recognises the huge responsibility that comes with that status.

Part of the reason Vod has chimed with so many young people who find themselves occupying a space outside the norm is Ashton’s unwavering determination to create complicated characters over likable ones. “The show’s brilliant creators Sam Bain and Jesse Armstrong wanted me to play it like Vod’s really cool. I said, early on: ‘I won’t be able to create someone cool for you, but I will be able to create someone who doesn’t give a fuck.’”

There is a widespread sense that, because there has been so little representation of marginalised perspectives within the film and TV industry, each character who does make it on to the screen must represent every minority experience, which, of course, it cannot. It’s something that has long frustrated Ashton. “Reading Toni Morrison taught me from a very early age that the personal is universal. Anyone who tries to tell you it’s not has to think about that. That’s also just the way art works. You know, it doesn’t need to be liked all the time. This is what I can’t bear! I don’t care.”

Someone who instilled this mantra within Ashton is the groundbreaking Black artist Lorraine O’Grady. During a series of documentaries she recorded with the artist ahead of the Tate exhibition Soul of a Nation: Art in the Age of Black Power in 2017, Ashton learned that O’Grady had been shunned by some of the Black artist networks in New York because her work extended beyond the concerns of Black struggle. Yet, at 87, O’Grady continues to create the art she wants to see. “Is she someone who goes to bed at night feeling a bit sad that she was outcast by certain communities? Yes. Has she let it take her away from her gut and her heart, and her own experience? No, she has not.”

Having taken inspiration from O’Grady, how have Ashton’s own personal struggles affected her professional life? “They say the same things you struggle with as a person are the same things you struggle with as an actor,” she says. “There was a point when I couldn’t cry on cue. I was like, ‘God I’m just a crap actor, everyone else seems to be able to act loads of stuff, and it’s just me.’ And, actually, it was me. I had a lot of unprocessed sadness and trauma that wasn’t ready to come out in my own life, let alone when someone snapped their fingers and said to cry on behalf of someone else.”

What eventually allowed Ashton to process her own trauma was her writing. In 2019, she wrote a play called For All the Women Who Thought They Were Mad, exploring how workplace dynamics affect Black women. “There is an instant feeling of writing from places that need releasing, writing about something that was traumatising me. So I’m changing the world and changing myself at the same time, and that’s still how I write now.”

And when Ashton isn’t making sense of the world’s traumas, past, present and future, what does she do for fun? She really has to think about this one, not because there isn’t joy in her life – it’s full of it – but because her life’s enjoyments are in many ways tied up in her work. “I feel attacked,” she says through a giggle, as I list some possible activities that she could do for fun outside of the classic film club she joined during lockdown, or the books she reads (she hosted last year’s Women’s prize for fiction podcast).

“I want to get back to the sea,” she says. “It changed my whole headspace. And I should take up gardening.” A day later, she sends me a follow-up email, concerned I might think she’s forgotten how to have fun. “I gave the most post-Covid answer to my free-time question. Forgetting that I love art galleries, live music, yoga and pilates, acupuncture and painting. Sometimes I’m still operating from a place of captivity!”

It’s time for Ashton to go. Hobbies or not, she has plenty on the horizon: she is a woman on the verge of everything from Marvel to motherhood. But, amid the upheaval, she appears to have found a new equilibrium. “I think over the past five years I’ve realised that the only way to do anything in this industry is to be anchored in myself,” she says. “As long as I have that, everything else will fall into place.”

Mr Malcolm’s List is released in the UK on 26 August and is out now in the US.

#zawe ashton #the guardian saturday #interview #article #mml promo

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