#bc the fact is I still have social anxiety LOL I

[cerealmonster15]

I’m watching a vid on how people run twitch streams bc A. I am curious about The Magic and B. I love deluding myself

#i think it could THEORETICALLY be fun. on a VERY SMALL SCALE. maybe. #SMALL AND CASUAL like nothing fancy even. NO magic just goin in like #play game and talk #NO FACE NO CLOUT NOTHING ELSE!!!! #i do like to talk a lot when I play games lol even when I’m alone I have an overflow of THINGS TO SAY AND FEEL #idk it could be fun to try but knowing me I’d try ONCE and then NEVER AGAIN #bc the fact is I still have social anxiety LOL I #think I’d get embarrassed and nervous and remember that #i am in fact kind of annoying in real-time and out loud lol ALAS #i tried like once to do a let’s play thing in high school of just the sims #but I didn’t go far and deleted it bc it was embarrassing #but having no records maybe … live in the moment then gone… #i do have my twst sims I haven’t played in a while that I could fuck around with l o l #or my many harvest moon emulations I have saved and never use #something simple and easy #except. i am still me. and I am still scared. so probs not LOL #probably a private discord server screenshare is more my speed the way I’m thinking about it #but that also feels like a different type of pressure. also I don’t have a discord server lol #i am in some tho. i could go into one with old grad school friends lol they do screen share games #but I’m too shy to do that there #sometimes talking to strangers on the internet is the less scary thing to do #anyway. i probably won’t do any of this but I can pretend 😌 #tbh I have nothing 2 be afraid of bc if I did try id probs just be a solo person in there anyway lmao no one fear of no one’s watchin🥳

[remcycl333]

Is putting my awareness on having it the same as feeling it real? I feel like I put too much pressure on trying to feel how I would if I had it in the 3d and that’s where I struggle. I want to manifest moving out and given the circumstances I need it to reflect asap but idk how to feel it real and not panic when the circumstances are all up in my face and taking a toll on me. I’m so sorry if that was a lot, thank you so much for being so patient.

feeling it real doesn't have to feel like happiness or euphoria! sometimes the feeling of knowing doesn't feel like anything. so yes, as long as you're aware of the fact that you have it in imagination, that's enough! i have a friend who manifested her sp, and she said that the whole time she was manifesting her sp she felt anxious about it every day, but she just stood firm in the fact that her sp was hers and it still manifested!

i went through the same thing while manifesting at first. like when i was manifesting my sp a couple years ago, the DAY before he finally reached out to me i was sooo anxious out of nowhere, constantly thinking about how i much be doing everything wrong bc it wasn't here yet, how i needed to start over, how it'd be days without anything, etc, but i'd just talk to myself and be like "no im doing everything right, i already have it, im good, this isn't gonna effect anything bc its mine" etc.

having feelings of anxiety or worry is not a failure on your part, and they won't mess anything up (unless you assume they will). i've read this somewhere, i think it was twitter but i can't remember who said it, but think about anxiety. it's not logical! usually you feel anxious over something that you think will never even actually happen, but you still feel anxious anyway. or i have friends who sometimes say they're super anxious and they don't even know why. i had social anxiety as a teenager and i'd be soo anxious in social settings. what did i think was going to happen? nothing, but i was still anxious for no reason constantly. and my anxiety never manifested, because even i knew it was illogical. it still hindered me in other ways, but it didn't manifest into negative circumstances in my reality!

re-reading your ask i realize u didn't mention anxiety 😭 but im still gonna keep all that in bc i still think you/other people will benefit from those anecdotes! lol

"idk how to feel it real and not panic when the circumstances are all up in my face and taking a toll on me"

in my experience, you don't need to focus on feeling it real constantly! i focus on feeling it real while im imagining, but during the day, i just shift my state when i need to. that being said, there's no pressure to be in the state of the wish fulfilled every second of the day! the main goal is to enter TSOTWF more than the state of lack, but there's also more states you can enter throughout the day! sometimes during the day you're neither in the state of the wish fulfilled nor the state of lack. there's such thing as a neutral state! so if you're panicking and it's hard for you to shift back to your desired state, you can focus on shifting to a neutral state. you can do this by trying to calm yourself down, talking to yourself, meditating, taking deep breaths, etc. if you need to just take deep breaths and think of something else that has nothing to do with your desire, go for it!

if im manifesting something on a time crunch, it always really helps me to just deep breathe and talk to myself, saying things such as "there's nothing to worry about, its mine, it's promised, everything is going to work out perfectly, my 3D is going to change, my inner man already has it and my inner man is me" etc.

i manifested moving out and this was very helpful for me! i dealt with very toxic, narcissistic parents and my family struggled with money for most of my life. sometimes my parents would be yelling at me for no reason and it'd trigger me bc i was manifesting living in my own apartment on my own. in these times i'd focus on remaining calm and staying in a neutral state. eventually it got easier for me and i'd be able to talk to myself in my head while getting yelled at, saying stuff like "im so glad this isn't my life anymore, im so glad i live on my own whew" etc. i'd also imagine that i was just visiting home and i couldn't wait for my visit to be over so i could go back to my own apartment again.

just remember that no matter what happens in your 3D, nothing can stop you from having your desire in your imagination. you moved out in your 4D and nothing can change that! it is fact, and all you have to do is persist in that face. you don't have to gaslight or trick yourself into thinking you moved out in the 3D. you just need to stand firm in the fact you have it in your 4D.

anywayzzz i hope this helps! i hope i answered your question i fear i went on multiple different tangents lol <3

#asks

[mysticalsoot]

This is it, this is what joy feels like, doesn't it?

A/N: this was meant as my gift to my valentine for Grey's Valentine's Exchange but since it has been cancelled I decided to quickly finish it up and dedicate it to not only grey because they need it with how rough the exchange ended up being but also my new found friend on here! I'm really proud of this and Im very surprised at how much I wrote in such little time (5k is a lot okay lol) I hope you all enjoy it and happy early Valentine's! (I'm still gonna post a special Valentine's blurb!)

Pronouns: they/them, uses of y/n

Pairings: Cc!Wilbur x Reader

Summary: Wilbur and Reader have known each other since their early teens, and despite having painfully obvious feelings for the other, they ignore them in the sake of saving their friendship. James concocts an outing for the two and maybe it goes according to plan?

Warnings: swearing, angst but with a ton of fluff at the end! also there is a kiss but not detailed bc I in fact have never been kissed so I'm going off gut feeling lmao. also mentions of alcohol and drinking (I've also never drunk alcohol so I don't know much about that either so another guessing game there too).

Words: 5.3k

Dedicated to: @grey-rambles @loverboy-soot

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James had invited Wilbur, Ash, Tommy, Rue, and you over to his place to hang out. It was mostly Mario Kart and James fucking screaming the Wario sound, but it was fun. There was food and a few rounds of uno with Ash, Tommy, and Rue, but despite all the festivities, Wilbur hadn't joined in any of them. He sat in the farthest corner from you and the rest of the group, the corner of James' loveseat didn't seem very comfortable anyhow. But there he sat, hands folded and rested between his thighs, his eyes darted from the group to the wall, to the TV, and back to his lap. He seemed so dazed like he wasn't fully there in the moment like he was somewhere else.

The absence of his laugh and his smile...and his voice, concerned you. It wasn't like him to isolate himself like this, it was one thing to stop answering messages and hiding in his flat but straight out isolating himself at a social gathering was nothing like him. You wanted to find him in his corner, bring him away from the others and ask him what was wrong, what you did every time he found himself anxious and shutting down. But every time you tried someone would pull you away, ask questions or bring you into banter. Staring at him, contemplating doing something wasn't helpful so maybe engulfing yourself in the festivities around you would help. It was selfish, yes, but there wasn't much you could do. The chances of him brushing it off and saying he was fine and completely ignoring the subject at hand were much more probable than him stepping aside and delving into his anxieties with you. So you pushed it aside and focused on whatever shit James and Tommy were debating about at this point.

“James,” Tommy pauses for emphasis, his hands folded in front of his face and eyes closed, “You are one deaf fucking bastard.”

“I’m hearing you! I’m just saying your point is invalid and ill-informed!” James counters, despite the possible hostility of their bickering, it's known by everyone that it's just light-hearted poking and prodding at each other, nothing substantial to be worried about.

Something you could slip away from easily…

“Says the man who is convinced that the creeper is the elite hostile mob in Minecraft?? It blows shit up and is extremely difficult to kill at the start of the game! The true elite mob is the zombie, they are slow and easy to hit.” Tommy then stands up and his face plastered with a smug smile. He knows he's right even if the topic at hand is trivial and childish at best.

"You're an asshole, Thomas Simons. I'm right, you're wrong." James is quick to poke at him, and you catch a small, soft smile forming on Wilbur's features. He's gazing at the chaos in front of you, no longer on his jeans or the spots on the wall. It's on the people now. His friends.

The thought brings a glimpse of hope to you, maybe it's just a fluke and he's okay. Nothing to worry about, he's not being self-destructive right now. It's okay.

It wouldn't hurt to get him to join the conversation, would it? "What do you think, Wil? Who's the most elite hostile mob?" You pose the question with a smile on your face, eyes locked on his, gauging how he was feeling by the way his eyes went wide and his mouth opened to speak but nothing came out. Anxious, noted, not anything new and revolutionary but something to note when speaking to him.

"Um, Skeletons I guess?" His answer is unsure and it's probably because he wasn't really listening in the first place, just observing his friends having fun and bickering, doing anything he can to keep his mind off the anxiety dwelling in his head.

“Skeletons? That is the most basic bitch answer! Also, it’s invalid because they can shoot you from sixteen blocks away!” Tommy counters his answer and he gets riled up again, rushing to pull up some sort of resource list as if this was a school assignment.

Wilbur’s face drops again, but his eyes are still trained on the group as they begin bickering again. Rur and Ash decided to chime in this time, both with their own very opinionated thoughts on the matter. It began to get tenser, despite the laughs and smiles, the abrupt yells were enough to push anyone already on edge even further.

It was best to get him out of there, even if it was for a moment. So you stood from your spot at the sofa to walk over to where Wilbur placed himself. Pushed into the corner of the loveseat farthest from the group. Now that you're closer, you notice how straight he's sat, his whole body is tense and his face is flushed.

You put your hand out to him, an offering, “Come on, Wil,” It’s muttered as a mere whisper, but he hears it. His head tilts up to look at you, eyes still wide and overflowing with unease.

“Okay,” He whispers, taking your hand in his and standing up from his own spot. His shoulders slouch, making him seem slightly shorter --- he still towers over you, but it makes him seem vulnerable and small.

You tighten your grip on his hand, in a comforting way and lead him out of the living room, through the hall, and into the dark kitchen. No one seems to notice the absence of either of you, they're too busy arguing over a block game to think about much else. He lets your hand go after the door is closed and he goes to sit on the floor in the corner of the room against the kitchen cabinets. Wil pulls his knees up to meet his chin and he wraps his arms around his legs.

“Are you okay?” You slide down the cabinet to sit next to him, your hand resting on his knee drawing circles with your thumb.

“Mmm, ‘m fine.” He mumbles, his head between his knees and his face hidden.

“As your best friend, I do not believe that.” You try to lighten the mood, be playful in hopes he’ll at least crack a smile.

“I’m fine.” He lifts his head and looks to you, despite how hard he tries it's not convincing.

“Yeah, yeah, and the queen’s alive. Come on, Wil.” You laugh, moving to card through the curls atop his head.

"I'm okay." He tries to fake a smile to rid your concerns but it's not that easy anymore.

"You don't have to tell me, but you can admit when you're not okay, love." The pet name was merely a slip for you and when you noticed you used it, you wanted to crawl into yourself. Hideaway and forget everything you said. Surely to others, it's not a big deal but it's not like you can give any hint at your feelings for him, feelings you know aren't reciprocated.

He simply hums in response with his head back between his knees, and you take your hand away from his hair and drop it on your lap. You want to help him, make him feel better but this is making you feel so hopeless. You can't let him wallow but he's stubborn, it's not easy to get through his shell.

"Wanna tell me about the French Revolution?" The question was merely a suggestion, a bribe to get him to speak in more than two words per sentence.

And it worked, his head lifted up almost immediately and his eyes were wide with excitement, "Really? Are you sure?" His voice is soft but you can practically hear the joy in the way he spoke.

"Of course, tell me all about it." As you mutter the last bit, you lean your head against the cabinet and gaze up at him. His smile is wide and he's now let his knees fall to where his legs are stretched out in front of him. Stupid lanky bastard.

"Okay so, the revolution of 1789 had maaany different causes, primarily economical and political," And so he went on for what felt like hours, but you enjoyed the chatter. You liked seeing him so giddy and happy over something he loved like this. He's an absolute history buff and most people don't care to sit still long enough to listen, except for his brother, you, and sometimes Ash. So you let him talk your ear off, you asked questions, and let him tell you all the little details and factoids he's learned over the years.

After a while, your eyes began to droop and feel heavy, and you kept having to pull your head back up to keep yourself awake. So you settled with resting your head on Wilbur's shoulder as he continued telling you about one of the many corrupt French kings. You wrapped your left arm around his middle and your right hand rested on the shoulder you laid on. You were comfortable and he didn't seem to mind the contact.

"Sleepy?" He breaks his info dump and runs his hands through your hair. You were far too drowsy to think twice about the action or to get nervous about it as usual, so you just hummed and nuzzled further into him.

"Keep talking." Your words were muffled by his sweater but he understood, and so he did just that. He continued on about the revolution and everything that came after before he himself began to doze off. His head leaned against yours and before he knew it, he was passed out too.

----

"Hey, has anyone seen Wilbur?" James chimed in, the Lion King plays on the TV, and everyone groans, and Tommy pauses the movie.

"Dude, it was the best part!" Tommy exclaims and dramatically throws his head onto the back of the couch.

"Sorry! Wil just disappeared, so I was just wondering if anyone saw him." James reiterates, hands in the air in surrender before dropping them to the floor on either side of himself.

"I'm sure the guy's fine, he's probably somewhere with his best friend anyways," Rue reassures James, her arms crossing over her chest.

"Those two are inseparable," Ash adds.

"And they are so obvious too! It's annoying." Tommy grunts in that typical little sibling way.

James frowns, clearly not satisfied with how calm and not worried his friends are. Ash notices and pats his friend on the back, and James' shoulders slump.

"Dude if you're so worried about them, go find them." Rue leans against the back of the couch, crossing her ankles and resting them on the coffee table. James growls and shoves her feet off the table, Rue then rolls her eyes. "So mean.."

“Fine, I will.” James groans and lifts himself off the floor where he sat and he as well makes his way out of the living room. He heads through the hall, peaking into the dining room; nothing. He checks the guest bed next, also nothing; and then his office, still nothing. He checks every room before he settles on checking the kitchen- the last spot he expected to look. The moment he peaks his head through the door he catches a glimpse of both you and Wilbur cuddled against each other, sound asleep.

“Aww, cute,” Rue whispers behind James and he jumps, yelling a slew of curses at his friend. She simply laughs in response. James looks back to be sure the interaction didn't wake the two of you, and surely it didn't. He would have never been so thankful for how heavy of sleepers you two were.

James backs away from the door, being sure to close it as slowly and quietly as possible, and then he ushers Rue down the hall and back to the sitting room where the rest of their friends were. He then happily plops down onto his sofa, right next to Tommy.

“So, are they okay?” Ash’s expression is one of concern, but calm still.

“Oh they're fine,” James takes a swig of the drink he left on the coffee table, “But we have some matchmaking to do.”

----

“We’re meeting at the pub around the corner, that's right, James?” The entire situation is confusing and getting a confirmation out of James is the worst hell that you desperately want to crawl out of.

"Yes, yes, that pub. I told you like ten times already." James sighs in a loud obnoxious way and if it weren't for the fact you loved him, he would be dead on sight. Or on sight when you both got to the damn pub.

"It's not my fault you give shitty instructions and clarification!" You do your best to whisper yell through the phone, he may annoy the fuck out of you but you don't hate him, and if he lost his hearing because of you—you couldn't mess with him.

"Oh my god, stop whining and get your ass over here." You're about to snap back at him and then he hangs up just as quickly as the words roll off his tongue.

You groan and drag your feet on the sidewalk, desperate to make your trek longer so you can postpone seeing James a little more. I mean, you love him but fuck can he be an annoying little shit sometimes. He's really good at it too and you don't know how he manages it.

Unfortunately, you're in front of the pub way quicker than you thought you would be. You're quick to open the door, and rush in before you push through the crowd to find any inkling of where your friends have situated themselves. James didn't mention which table the rest of their friends sat at, so you assumed he didn't know either seeing as he was on his way here as well.

You're about to give up when you spot a familiar Pinterest hipster across the pub. Wilbur is sat alone at a booth, holding what seems to be a simple water as he himself eyes the tables and bar as well as the sea of people standing around the place.

You smile and wave your hand at him, signaling that you're there. He smiles too, waving back and then gesturing for you to sit with him. You're quick to shuffle through the people surrounding you, muttering excuse me and I'm sorry's whenever you bump into someone or get just a hair too close to them. By the time you reach the booth, you're out of breath from swimming through the crowd. You plop down on the spot next to Wil and you rest your head face first on the table.

"Why is James so annoying?" You pose the question, all muffled and not really meant to be answered, simply spoken into the void.

"Hell if I know, he told me the rest of the group was here but I couldn't find them." Wilbur speaks in such a nonchalant way that you would think he did this often, wait for his friends to be there and either be late or not come at all. But you know he doesn't do this often, I mean it was more common in middle school and high school, but now he's an adult and you know his current friends wouldn't do that. I mean you're his best friend after all, you notice way more about him than you would care to notice.

"So you think they've ditched us?" You move your head to face him, eyes looking up to him and his own looking down at you. You swear you could see a smile forming on his lips.

"Hah, maybe." He laughs and then switches to gaze at his hands resting in his lap.

You lift your head up, and lean against the back of the booth. You rest a hand on his shoulder and he looks to you, "You're my favorite anyway." You pat his shoulder before removing your hand only for it to find great interest in the sleeves of the jacket you wore out today. One of Wilbur's old jackets his arms were too long for. It's oversized but it's comfortable and a hundred percent smells like him, so it's comforting.

"Ash isn't even your favorite?" He's smirking now and you can tell he's almost completely forgotten about James and the clan.

"He's a close second." You throw a soft smile to him and you can feel your cheeks warm and turn red.

———

"Wow, France is fucking shitty." You let out a soft laugh, taking a sip of whatever alcoholic beverage was the special—you didn't care, it tasted good and didn't burn horribly so it did just fine for you.

"I know!" Wilbur slurs and then laughs, throwing his head back to lean against the back of the booth. He turns to face you, smile wide and face pink from being a bit too tipsy.

"You're smart, Wil. You know that?" You rest your chin in your hand and look in his eyes. You never really noticed how rich and…deep they were. It was endearing to look at.

"Not really, I just know a lot." He shrugs, gaze dropping and face draining from positivity.

"Isn't that the definition of smart?" You reach your hand out to rest against his arm. He doesn't move or flinch. It's like your touch is second nature.

There's a silence, he doesn't say anything, you don't say anything. Your friends still aren't here and it's been an hour and a few drinks in—you're beginning to wonder what James' intentions were.

"They ditched us didn't they?" You lean your own head against the backboard.

"Oh they sure as hell did." Wilbur lets out a soft chuckle and the sight makes your heart flutter.

"Wanna go back to mine?" The question is simple and you play with the idea of looking away from him, to dull the sting if he says no—or rejects you without even admitting anything to him—but you decide to turn your head and gaze upwards at him.

A soft smile, a breathy laugh, he turns his head to face you, "Of course,"

It takes a good twenty minutes to get back to your flat, which is only a ten minute walk from the pub James tricked the two of you to go into, but with both of your slighter drunken states, it was safe to say it took a lot longer. Stumbling, giggling, slurred speech, a hand on the small of your back, your arm around his torso. There was no such thing as a ten minute walk on your minds.

The walk down the cobble path to the door of your flat is a tricky one. Wilbur only had a few shots but he hadn't been drinking in a while so his ability to handle much alcohol was severely lacking at the moment—so he was stumbling a lot. He nearly fell in the bush a few times but you were able to keep your grip on him, keeping him steady. You yourself weren't in the best of shape either, but you managed. Surprisingly neither of you had felt the least bit nauseous yet, which was a tremendous thing.

You struggled a few moments with your keys before Wilbur got off the wall where he leaned and said, "Here, lemme try." He was quick to find the right key and turn it in the keyhole. The door clicked and Wilbur turned the door knob and pushed it open. He stepped aside and bowed, his right arm over his stomach and his left out stretched in a gentlemanly manner. "Royalty first, as always." You smile and are sure your laugh is heard by the man.

"Why, thank you kind sir!" You exclaim, folding your hands like a queen in a ball gown and dramatically walk in the door. He laughs and follows you in, closing the door and locking it behind him.

You lead him to the living room just to the left in the corridor and curl up on the couch and shove your shoes off your feet. Wilbur follows and does the same, his head next to yours and his legs curled up next to him.

"Hi," He whispers to you, smiling softly and gaze set up on you.

"Hi," you pause, readjusting your legs to be held against your chest. "I'll take the couch, you take the bed, that cool?" Your eyelids begin to feel heavy and so you rest them, unable to spot the reaction Wilbur gave you.

"No, not cool." He states plainly, your eyes shoot open. Did you upset him? What did you say wrong? Your mind runs wild and he seems to notice your anxiety bubbling. Your slightly tipsy self, not doing a great job at hiding it. "I take the couch, you take the bed."

"No, you take the bed, I take the couch."

"Darling," He warns and the pet name shocks you both, and it seems as though the alcohol has an effect on both of your filters, his and yours.

"I said what I said and I stand by it!" You cross your arms over your chest and playfully move to look away from him.

He groans in an artificial annoyance and you smile to yourself.

"How about this," He begins and you turn back to face him, he's sat up now, legs pulled up to his chest still. "We both take the bed? That way we both win."

"Mmm, as long as you're okay with it, I am."

Wilbur smiles and nods, "It was my brilliant idea, now wasn't it?" A smirk forms.

"Goddamn, you and your stupid ego." You roll your eyes and Wilbur huffs.

"Oh shut it." He snaps back, going to stand and walk out the door and across the hall to the bedroom. You follow him and quickly go to the cupboard on the left beside the door. Your bed is prepared to warm one person, not two, so you need extra blankets and maybe another pillow or two.

"Dude, when's the last time we shared a bed?" You break the silence, chuckling to yourself as you hear Wilbur shuffle around the bathroom—presumably to find his old toothbrush he left at your place that one time he stayed for a week six months ago.

"Like the last time I stumbled to your door drunk as fuck?" He sighs before exclaiming an Aha presumably because he found the toothbrush he was looking for.

"You really need to stop drinking that much, especially alone. I'm not always gonna be here to be a pick me up for your sorry ass." You throw the blankets you pulled out onto the bed and jumped in face first. "So comfy." It's meant as a whisper, but Wilbur manages to pick it up.

"Save some blankets for me, meanie." He turns on the faucet and he's then silent for a moment before the sound of brushing sounds from the bathroom.

"No, they're mine. I bought them with my money, dickwad." You grunt and turn over, wrapping yourself in a little blanket cacoon.

Wilbur lets out a laugh, and the faucet sounds again before the tapping of the toothbrush on the side of the sink. Before you know it, the other side of the bed dips and you feel a blanket being snatched from you. You don't have the energy to fight it, so you let it go.

"Wow, my best friend being generous to me? What world do we live in.." He mutters, laughing more to himself than anything.

"Too tired to care."

"Not because you love me? Oh my heart!" He dramatically clutches his heart and lets out a breathy chuckle.

"Only because tired." Your words become more slurred and they're muffled by the pillow you have your face in.

"Yeah, yeah." He sighs, and then tosses around a few times, getting comfortable. The bed creaks with his every move and you can hear him groan in annoyance at the sound.

The creaking stops, and Wilbur stops moving. He's situated now, but he's on his back staring at the ceiling.

Many thoughts run through his mind but one in particular stands out; Should I tell them?

The concept is foreign, expressing undiscussed emotion that could be detrimental information if provided at the wrong time—it's scary. What is he meant to do? Lye around and pretend he didn't get nervous at your touch, or your pet names or the way you willingly am letting him sleep next to you—and while the latter wasn't unusual in the past, it was now, given the two of you being in your early 20s and having been avoiding sleepovers since you turned 18. Although there was only so much you could do when Wilbur came stumbling to your door pissed out of his mind.

He bit the bullet. What's the worst that could happen? A Lot actually.

But he figured he should give context first, background.

"Do you know why I was sulking that day at James'?" He breaks the comforting silence that fell between you two. He doesn't mind it but he figured he must act now before he chickens out.

"I figured you were just having a bad day, and once I offered a France info dump you seemed pretty okay. Was there something I missed?" You turn your head back to face him, eyebrows knitted in genuine—sober—concern.

"I was upset," He pauses, beginning to place the pieces in his mind of what to say next and then after that and then after that and so on. "It's kind of stupid, I guess-"

You cut him off, "Nothing, and I mean nothing you say is stupid, Wil. I promise." You're sitting up now, crisscrossing applesauce on the bed, your body facing him but your eyes trained on his own eyes. "What was wrong?"

He closes his eyes, "I guess, I was getting sort of fed up with myself. See, I really really like this person—" He pauses to sit up himself, he gazes down at you as he leans his back against the wall. He reaches for your hand and draws circles on your palm with his thumb, his eyes painfully focused on the lines drawn in your skin. "They're wonderful, and one of my closest friends. I've liked them for a long while, love them even but a part of me knows they don't reciprocate my feelings—so I was feeling sorry for myself. It had been years and no moves had been made and so I felt hopeless. That person was so happy that day, and I was pissed I wasn't the reason for their smile." He sighs, letting go over your hand and leaning against the headboard, eyes closed shut.

Your voice is but a whisper, "Who is this mystery person?"

He hesitates for a moment, but he's this far already, there isn't any going back.

"You." The answer is simple, straightforward and blunt but it hits you hard nonetheless. Handfuls of emotion are thrown at you like confetti and you can't even begin to sift through and identify them all. You're in shock, that's for sure, but everything else? There's no telling.

You smack his shoulder, "William! You should have said sooner, you asshole!" Your tone is playful but your words would say otherwise. Elated.

"Ouch! What was that for?" He rubs the side of his arm, wincing for a split second before meeting your eyes.

"Not telling me." Frustration.

Silence, no more words slip from either of your tongues. It's simply quiet, the humming of the fan you set up hours ago, sirens sounding outside in the city —your breathing, his breathing. Fear.

"I like you too, you know." You look down, despite him already confessing to you, admitting this is still terrifying, and odd to you.

"Oh, I know." He smiles, and you mentally smack yourself for saying something you know would get some stupid snarky comment.

"You and your damn ego, Soot." You shake your head, smiling fondly at him.

"Oh but don't you love my ego, my dear?" The man is still tipsy.

"Hey, why don't you shut up?" He smirks, and you immediately regret your words, well, partially — he reaches his hand up to rest on your cheek, and he brings your face closer to his, lips millimeters apart and breath fanning on each other's faces.

"Can I?" It's a simple request but you nod, smiling whilst your heart warms. He leans in closer, your own lips meeting his in a soft loving exchange.

You smile into the kiss, giggling a few times throughout. You rest your hands on the back of his neck and his own hands fall to rest on your sides.

It's not as dramatic as you imagined, figuring if he felt the same he would have some grand confession —but you like this, you really do. It's calm, private—it's tremendously better than a heated confession in the rain, at least in your opinion.

You both break apart, smiles wide as ever and you're out of breath. You lurch forward, wrapping your arms around him and your head hitting his chest, settling into him. It takes him a moment to reciprocate but when he does, his own arms snake around you, pulling you closer to him.

Wilbur's head dips down to rest on top of yours and you hum happily. This is it, this is what joy feels like, doesn't it? Warm arms around you, the sound of his beating heart—he starts to hum, what sounds like one of his songs.

The night goes on like this, the two of you wrapped around each other, Wilbur humming songs he knows or wrote and the occasional comment on how long it took you two, followed by laughter.

This was joy, he was joy.

The next day, you awoke to your phone buzzing like no tomorrow. You were groggy and really didn't want to even bother looking, but the sound managed to send you into a slight panic. Your legs were still wrapped with Wilbur's, and his head was resting on your chest and his stupidly long arms were pulling you into him. You looked over at the end table on your left and snuck your phone into your grip.

You groaned as you pressed answer on the incoming call that created your woken state. It was James.

"What do you want, James? It's 2am." Your tone is that of a very annoyed person, and James winces over the call.

"I hadn't heard from you and Wilbur's not answering his phone or his door, so I figured you two ran off and died." His words all jumbled together and you laugh much to his distaste, "Be serious here!"

"We should've run off, honestly. Maybe we would have gotten some peace and quiet then." You set your gaze down at the man with his arms around you, and you smiles sweetly.

"You're a dick—are you two okay? Do I need to send like a police force or something?" James is still frantic with how he speaks but you can tell he's calming down by the second.

"We're fine James, okay? We're at my place. We drank a little last night and my apartment was the closest." You pause, but before he can get a word in, "Thank you for setting us up." There's a smirk on your face and James can hear it in the way you spoke.

"What—I, I didn't set you up!" He's quick to his defense and you laugh.

"Yeah, no you definitely did."

"Did it work?" He asks, ditching the defensive attitude from the moment prior.

"Yeah, yeah it did. Thank you." You lean your head back, phone still pressed to your ear and your free hand carding through Wilbur's mop of curls.

"Good."

#cc!wilbur #cc!wilbur x reader #dsmp wilbur #wilbur soot x reader #wilbur #wilbur soot x you #wilbur soot x gn!reader #wilbur soot #wilbur soot x y/n #happy (much early) valentines day!

[goorehound]

this is solely me rambling about social anxiety, adhd and König. nothing exciting sorry folks!

König’s social anxiety - my thoughts

okay so firstly my qualifications here; I am diagnosed with social anxiety, generalized anxiety and ADHD. (I didn’t end up getting into his adhd at all oops)

i just want to speak to like the experience of being a grown man with mainly social anxiety, because idk I see some posts that just feel upsetting to read? like people complaining about certain ways König is written?

like I do agree that he is not some blushing little uwu babygirl kitten (bc you know he is in fact an adult and in the fucking military), but I’ve never actually seen anyone write him as that. I think what gets me are the complaints about people actually writing him with traits of social anxiety, which he canonically has, and kind of treating it like writing him that way makes him seem weaker? Or less dominant? Or like uhh less of a man? There’s a chance I’m just taking this super personally for no reason but I’m gonna ramble about it anyway.

Just because someone has a stutter due to anxiety, or blushes due to anxiety, or gets embarrassed easily due to anxiety, that’s not a sign of weakness? Or of submissiveness?

Personally for me a huge thing with my social anxiety is getting embarrassed and feeling embarrassed. I will go to extreme lengths to avoid being embarrassed. I turn bright fucking red and I will stumble over my words and I will shut down if I feel like I’m embarrassing myself or have been humiliated by something. That’s not because I’m a soft uwu little subby bottom, that’s not because I’m a weak guy, my traits of anxiety are not anything to do with strength or dominance or that shit. It’s just because I have a fuckin disorder that has me react intensely to certain social situations. Does that make sense? I’m losing the plot a bit here. I know there’s a point I’m trying to make but I can’t seem to make it.

Treating social anxiety traits like a shameful thing to have, especially acting like it’s unattractive in a grown man or pathetic for a grown man to exhibit traits of their disorder is fucked up.

It’s hurtful. It sucks to read that. No, König is not going to show traits of his anxiety 100% of the time. Yes, people with social anxiety can be confident in some scenarios. But let’s just quickly remember this part of his cod wiki;

Severe social anxiety throughout his life. As in ongoing. Not just in childhood. He didn’t just “get over it” and suddenly become confident. Throughout his life he suffered from severe social anxiety. That means yes. He likely is pretty quiet. He likely does blush. He likely does get embarrassed easily. He likely does stumble over his words. There are things that he probably doesn’t do often (if at all) because of his anxiety. He probably still is anxious even around his partners. Hell dude sometimes I get so anxious around my boyfriend of about a year that I physically cannot speak.

Anyway idk. This shit just been rubbing me the wrong way lately and I wanted to give my two cents lol. This might not stay up long unless it hella resonates w people but yeah!!

TLDR;

Don’t be a dick. Don’t shame people with disorders for exhibiting symptoms. Even if you think those symptoms are unfitting for a 6’10” military man. It’s fucking rude.

If social anxiety symptoms are a turn off for you don’t simp after people who canonically suffer from severe social anxiety.

#konig mw2 #cod mwii #könig

[femmefatalevibe]

Hi! I love ur blog and have been pretty much stalking it lol. My college is opening soon (in like less than 2/3 weeks) and I'm super insecure and anxious. I'm fat - nearly obese - and all the girls in my college are all pretty and skinny. I'm being driven mad by the fact that I'm the only fat girl in our year, while all other girls are just normal weight. I promised myself I would start being healthy in summer break but now it's almost over and I cannot lose weight in like 2 weeks. So I'm stuck being fat and its making me so anxious, I'm not comfortable in my body - I always feel like I'm older and bigger than the rest of the people and its super uncomfortable. Not only this, but I also lose confidence and stop doing things because I'm afraid they make me look stupid and fat or that people will judge me. Like, I'd stop participating in class, or in a club etc.

How do I deal with this inferiority complex, lack of confidence and overweight in general?

(Also, the problem isn't even other people bcs I've never been bullied for my looks but still there's this social anxiety I've developed. I also recognize that other girls aren't responsible for my insecurities and they're just living their life and it's more of a me problem).

Hi love! I appreciate your love and support. Means a lot <3 Congrats on starting this new chapter of your life!

Honestly, the best thing you can do is realize that comparison is the thief of joy. Instead of focusing on what others look like and are doing, redirect this energy into focusing on becoming your best self. Making it your mission to show up as the best version of yourself every day. Not because others may judge you, but because it raises your self-esteem, confidence, self-love, and motivates you to reach your goals from a positive place.

Do nice things for yourself every day. These habits can include self-care activities like a comprehensive skincare/shower/grooming routines, having your nails done weekly, doing face masks/blowouts regularly at home, focusing on your daily outfits/makeup routine, meditating, journaling, reading books, and listening to podcasts – in addition to habits that could result in weight loss like eating a predominately healthy diet, taking long walks regularly, and establishing a consistent workout routine.

Beauty and confidence do not correlate with a jean size, but how you choose to treat and carry yourself. It's a mindset, attitude, and presence you carry into every space that gets graced with your presence. Your body and aura are at their best when you're regularly nourishing it with healthy habits and daily self-love (the latter sounds a bit corny, but it's true, lol).

Best of luck! Hope this helps xx

#college advice #college life #college student #body image #self love #self esteem issues #self esteem #body confidence #self confidence #self concept #glow up era #glow up tips #femmefatalevibe #q/a #girl advice #girl blogging #girl tips #girl talk

[kangals]

I wanna talk shepherds with you, if you have a moment! The first dogs I ever fell in love with were border collies (my uncle's showline dogs), my friend's GSD mix, and both a heeler mix and a couple wonderful GSDs from when I worked in boarding. It's been suggested to me that I would find a R/S collie a wonderful fit for me but I have only met one (he was perfect BTW) so I'm wondering your thoughts on the breed and if you have any comparisons to GSDs or BCs specifically?

big ol' asterisk first that i have not spent extended amounts of time with GSDs or BCs, so my answer is probably going to be very vague, as most of my impressions from those breeds are from short interactions, or what i've observed of them in a vet hospital (which i know is not a great showcase of character).

i would not say that collies and GSDs are very similar to live with, but that's also going to really depend on the type of GSD you're used to - there's such a variety of personalities between police K9s, working/sporting lines, BYB messes, generic pet-bred dogs, and showlines. in my experience GSDs tend to be much more blunt in their communication - i feel like you always know what they're asking for, or what they're unhappy about. and there's also the fact that GSDs are (generally) going to default to Bitey Time and standing their ground if they feel pushed, and that is very opposite of a collie. i am not at all a GSD person, but my favorite one i've ever spent time with was a showline dog - he was enormous, and mellow, and stunningly beautiful, and i'm sure true-blue working GSD people would have hated him, but i thought he was a great dog (draw what conclusions you want from that). i don't vibe with dogs that come off really strong, which is why i like sighthounds and collies a lot - they're both more subtle in their behavior. i would not call a GSD subtle lol.

the collie/BC comparison is a bit closer, with the main difference being 'sharpness', i think. IME a collie is going to be much more tolerant - of handling, of other animals, of their environment, of training. they are sensitive dogs and can shut down if the wrong buttons are pushed, but it's generally easy to see that happening and they can also recover well with patience. collies are very polite dogs at heart, and avoid conflict. not to say they don't have their snarky or feisty sides (@ stellina) but when shit gets serious, they will almost always back away from conflict. some people want a dog with a little more fire - those people i'd probably steer away from collies. but some people (like me) like having a dog that's a pacifist at heart, because it makes them very safe and easy dogs to live with. i have zero tolerance for aggression (human or animal), so a dog that's socially fluid is super important to me.

(keep in mind that none of this excludes confidence - some collie lines have issues with fear and anxiety. a well-bred collie should be a pacifist, but confident and polite. if they startle, they recover. their curiosity and intelligence helps them stay adaptable, so while issues like reactivity and fearfulness can still be an issue, they really shouldn't be.)

i think what really sets a collie apart from other herders is that inherent politeness - it really softens a lot about them and, unlike most other herding breeds, it's what allows them to be such good candidates for service and therapy work. IMO a collie is kind of a best of both worlds for herding dogs - they are smart and silly and up for trying on new challenges and adventures, but they're also easy and flexible and not demanding. they let you know what they're feeling, but aren't in-your-face. if you particularly like a dog with a lot of sharpness and resilience, a collie's probably not the best fit. if you want an active companion and don't mind the flexibility that's required for raising a "soft" dog, i think a collie works great! definitely try to spend some time with them if you can, i really fell in love with the breed once i started meeting them.

tl;dr i wouldn't say collies are super similar to GSDs or BCs, but if you like the core herding dog personality just wrapped up in a squishy sensitive layer, then you'll like a collie.

#long post #this is like barely coherant im sorry #as mentioned my hands-on experience with the other breeds is limited #i also honestly don't -love- a lot of the other herders lol #i think a lot of them range from unlikeable to downright assholes #that buffer of politeness and sensitivity is really important to my compatibility with a dog breed

[miopet]

for me embarrassment manifests as panic attack level anxiety, fury, or NOTHINg at all. you cant embarrass me if youre just pissing me off yk? if i embarrass myself well everyone does that bcuz humans ebolved to experience embarrassment as a survival tactic and its part of social learning sooo… why would i actually *care* if something embarrassing happens?

i always do my best to ease feelings of shame in the people around me bcuz 1. i know embarrassment is a really difficult feeling and makes people act weird and fake which pisses me off & 2. there is absolutely no reason to feel that around me lol like ik ppl cant help it and its cute when ppl are shy but also get OVAR your shame ok? for me. unless youre bigoted, its impossible for me to find you embarrassing bc i dont c a. r e. you can have a category ten billion level public humiliation event in front of me and i will not allow the social pressures of politeness to drive me to mock u or the situation nor will i feel any embarrassment on your behalf. maybe id get stressed for u at most.

embarrassment is such a specific emotion i genuinely do not experience. i do experience feelings of humility when i am out of my depth in a social situation, but like… at most i just wish i could redo the situation “correctly” to make every1 around me feel as considered as possible, not to save myself the social standing. ppl r gonna think im weird its just facts.

anyways according to disorders if someone intentionally tries to embarrass me then they might as well actually deserve to suffer and die accordingly buuuuuut of course im going to act on that because i do not actually believe in that perspective. but i still agree with the feeling behind it, so.

as a result i was kinda unbullyable until my late teens bcuz it was only then that i began to emulate defenseless women out of guilt & fear. but as a kid honestly i was more of the bully on occasion without realizing it, and would then feel sorry about my hurtful actions after the fact and confuse that with embarrassment. bc i thought remorse WAS shame as a kid…. that’s a whole can of wyrms though

#talk tag #📖

[blaithnne]

🍋 🍉 🍎 for lauren 👀

(Answering these under What If! AU conditions bc that’s the story I’m working on rn btw!)

GODDD there’s so much I could say here but they’re all spoilers for stuff I’m working on….so, I’ll just say it was the moment she realised her Dad wasn’t coming home :)

Her earrings! Her regular ones are pretty plain (either black or gold depending on how I decide to draw her lol), but she always wears them. She’s a little paranoid the holes will close up if she takes them out, so she constantly has keepers in.

But other than that she just likes wearing them bc she enjoys accessorising and looking pretty, she doesn’t get a lot of opportunities to dress up or anything tends to wear clothing that’s more practical than it is pretty, so her earrings make her feel pretty even when she’s in work clothes

I think people have very much picked up on the fact that she looks a lot like Johanna - and she’s inherited a lot of her features! She’s got her big nose and tall build. Of course her similarity with Hilda is in their shared hair colour, it’s hard to say what other similarities they’d have since Hilda is still but a baby

I’m also gonna use this as an opportunity to discuss their differences! Bc their similarities are so clear I think the differences may be less obvious, plus some of them are recent changes as I’m midway through revamping her reference sheet but here’s a few -!

Lauren may have inherited her big nose from Johanna, but hers is actually a fair bit bigger

She’s a bit more…top heavy than Johanna is. She’s got a larger chest and smaller hips

It’s not hugely noticeable, but she’s a little shorter than Johanna too. I like the idea of Hilda growing to be just a little bit taller than her as well

Buutttt she’s much bulkier and more muscly! She’s a strong girl, she’s got big shoulders and arms and a thicker neck.

This doesn’t apply to canon designs, but I usually headcanon Johanna and Hilda as both having blue eyes, I like the idea of Johanna’s blue matching Hilda’s! But though I’ve gone back and forth a LOT, I think Lauren would have yellow or brown eyes (we’re just pretending yellow is a normal colour for eyes to be ok)

I think she’d probably have a few scars too, though I probably wouldn’t include them in her canon design as it seems like too much for Hilda’s design conventions. But yk, she’s an outdoorsy person who does a lot of physical activity, I can very much see it happening

I think her hair is just ever so slightly curlier than Johanna’s, not by much, but a little

That’s all I can think of in terms of physical features, but that brings us along to traits! Lots of fun shared ones here -

Like with her big nose, Lauren got Johanna’s social anxiety passed down to her, only amped up to a million. Poor woman can barely get through a conversation with the mailman when she first moved back to Trolberg, but she gets better with time

She shares Hilda’s love of the wilderness and the outdoors to an extent, she’ll always chose her family over adventure (though it was a close call that one time…), but she really is in her element roughing it out in the wilderness

When making or headcanoning for Pearson family meme gets I like to give them a creative trait, like one part of art they specialise in - Johanna is a Graphic Designer of course, Hilda enjoys sketching as a child but my personal headcanon is that when she grows up she’ll be a wildlife photographer, so that’s the one I’ve got her as. Lauren however is a painter! It’s just a hobby, and not one she indulges in much, but she finds it relaxing to just paint landscapes and still lives.

I don’t think this counts as a trait, but I’ll include it anyway - she was a sparrow scout and she LOVED it. She didn’t earn quite as many badges as Johanna, but she came close! I may have smthn planned out involving her becoming a Raven Leader someday too

Again don’t know if this counts as a trait but she likes board games, same as Johanna and Hilda. She’s not very good at most of them though, she usually ends up spending all of monopoly in jail

That’s all I can think of for now lol, I’d include some differing traits like I did with features but I’ve been rambling here for SO LONG now lmao, tysm for this ask it was really fun to answer!!!!

#ty for the ask! #existential-dread-crisis #waddles #ask #ask game #Hilda #Hilda the series #Hilda netflix #netflix hilda #Hilda lauren #Lauren hilda #Hilda oc #oc #my oc #Hilda (Hilda) #Hilda johanna #Johanna hilda #Hilda character #text post #headcanon #Sadie thinkin

[josephslittledeputy]

14 Questions Tag

Tagged by @inafieldofdaisies and @jacobsneed​ ty!

Nickname: Super F or F (My full name is Felicia, but for some reason a while back my friend—notorious for giving nicknames that stick—started calling me Super F and then that got shortened to just F)

Sign: Pisces (Sagittarius moon & Virgo rising, cause I’m going to be that person)

Height: 5′1 or 154 cm

Last thing I googled: Nix from Guns Akimbo, my beloved

Song stuck in my head: Blissfully nothing at the moment!

Amount of sleep: About 8-9 hours, sometimes 10 lol

Dream job: Hmm, used to want to be an actor but I have social anxiety so that’s a no go for me

Wearing: Fabric shorts & a wool sweater since we’re getting a thunderstorm finally

Movies/Books/Media that summarize you: Silent Hill or The Scream trilogy I guess?

Favorite Song: Noro or Daisy by Brand New, Hamrer Hippyer or In Maidjan by Heilung, and the whole Anna Karenina album by Dario Marianelli (Sorry I couldn’t pick just one song :/ )

Instruments: I can probably still play the recorder lol, but I’d really love to learn how to play the kalimba

Aesthetic: Uh, maybe slightly edgy mixed with comfort??

Favorite Author: Don’t really have one, I usually just pick a book based on the cover and hope for the best. But I did enjoy the Giver series and anything leaning toward a horror genre

Random Fun Fact: I’d rather listen to an instrumental track than one with words bc my brain is chaos, the beach is my happy place since I grew up on the coast, and I don’t like pizza :))

#my partner loathes when i put on heilung & will make me change it T-T but i love it even if its not for everyone & i got introduced to it #thanks to Senua's Sacrifice! go play the game you wont regret it :) but you *will* cry after #i say the scream trilogy bc i personally happily disregard any of the movies after that #also anytime I say I don't like pizza i get the 'whaaaaat?' flabbergasted reaction. like yeah... im lactose intolerant and i dont like #the way it tastes and nothing will change my mind (ok except maybe bacon pizza once in a blue moon) #personal #tag games

[catastrothy]

here is a little chronicle of my sickness journey btw. bc i feel like i need to write this down because its been hilariously awful lol

warning 4 gross stuff, oversharing, and me bitching, unsurprisingly

back in early august i got sick with what i thought was a cold. basic symptoms, fever, achiness, runny nose, etc. things are relatively normal at first, i've gotten sick dozens of times because i'm particularly prone to sinus and ear infections so i brushed it off

And Then The Hives Began.

all over my limbs and very rarely on my torso and neck. even had one on my face. at one point my throat got very itchy and i had a panic attack thinking i would get anaphylaxis for the first time in my life. thankfully i took a shitton of claritin + pepcid + benedryl and it kicked in fast enough that i was okay

i go to the local urgent care. the doctor is amazing and gives a shit and prescribes me some steroids + recommends i keep taking what i've been taking. tells me to follow up with my primary doctor and to come back if things get worse.

Things Continue To Get Worse.

i go to my primary doctor. she is not very helpful. i've been thinking of switching providers anyway because i'm moving and this has kind of solidified this decision because i'm told "well that's weird! just uhh. keep taking your antihistamines and don't go out in public. good luck :)" the only thing is its been a hot minute since i switched providers and i dont really remember what the process is like and i will inevitably get social anxiety about it.

this continues for a while. i'm managing, i feel like shit. but i am managing. now here comes the really gross part. this morning (9/15/23) i am chilling on my computer. i go to scratch my stomach, only to find... there is crust. around my belly button. why is my belly button so crusty? what? it turns out there is discharge of some sort coming from there. why? who knows! it's not too painful but between the fact my fever is now higher than it's ever been (although still a low grade one) and i have this unexplained discharge it throws me into one of the worst panic attacks i've had in a while. all the worst case scenarios (sepsis, my second greatest phobia besides anaphylaxis) are running through my head but i remind myself every time i've thought shit was mega fucked it turned out okay. mira also helps comfort me and im able to collect myself and go to the urgent care (again). also on top of this i have like 3 cold sores and my period going at the same time so i am extra suffering!!!!!!!!!!

the doctor there is again really understanding and wonderful. i love this woman. she tests me for flu, covid, strep, and mono. she says she tests for mono specifically because a lot of other doctors miss it and make patients suffer for no reason. all tests come back negative thankfully (or maybe unthankfully... because we still dont know what the fuck i got). she puts me on like 5 new different meds (antiviral, antibiotic, steroid, nausea meds, and an antifungal to help if i get a yeast infection while on the antibiotic). at this point i am genuinely wishing i could make this lady my primary doctor but alas, 'tis not to be.

i am now given 1 shot each of antibiotic and steroid. one in each butt cheek. my ass hurts so badly. sitting is vaguely uncomfortable.

i am given some gauze and also told to buy dial soap for the belly button infection. i go home and lay on the couch. and thus this is where we are now

also my electric company charged me like $200 for electricity which we do not have atm so thats a cool cherry on top

anyway moral of the story is that my immune system is garbage and i wish it attacked the virus instead of me <3

#text #blegh i wish i was over this already #this has been the most disruptive sickness ive ever had thats for sure

[ghostfacetheballfondler]

Gonna send these as full questions and not just emojis bc ik its annoying to keep looking back to answer them lmao :3

💛 - Let's hear an opinion that is either unpopular in the community or not talked about at all in the community!

🤍 - Do you have any other disorders or neurodivergencies? Do they affect how you experience NPD?

💝 - Tell me something interesting about yourself!

💖 - Are there any characters, shows, songs, etc that are NPD moods?

🫀 - Do you have any misdiagnoses or other disorders that therapists originally thought your NPD presented as?

🦷 - Do you have any stories about your experience with the medical field that are funny, interesting, or frustrating that you'd like to tell?

❤️‍🩹 - What coping skills, tips, tricks, or therapy techniques have you found most helpful?

ty for the ask

💛 - unpopular opinion? uhhhh fuck this is hard. i'm super conflicted on recovery for my npd. like on one hand yes this is hurting me but on the other hand "i am not giving up my superiority complex so i can live a lie" (that "lie" is that i'm *not* superior to 99% of people, lol). so would i like healthy coping mechanisms? of course. but idk if i would ever want some parts of my npd to ever go away

🤍 - yup, have 'em in my pinned post. they all affect my npd a lot, sometimes npd vs. autism vs. adhd is impossible to distinguish between eachother lol. my MaDD is super funny cuz i'll spend days on end daydreaming about being rich and famous and ect. while refusing to take care of my basic needs lol

💝 - i have so many fun facts about myself it is unreal, i'll go to my favorite one. i almost had to get jaw reconstruction surgery when i was 11. i had such an overbite that none of my teeth touched. but i ended up getting headgear instead. i still have an overbite, albeit way less noticeable, but i think it is cute

💖 - goro akechi from persona 5 is so relatable. he's like my cousin <3 there's a song i really like that i associate with npd (i wrote a fanfic with the lyrics as the title, said fanfic was my npd awakening), which is possum kingdom by the toadies, but idk if it counts as an npd mood to anyone but myself

🫀- uhhh nope. never been diagnosed with any mental disorders

🦷- when i was 11 i got therapy for social anxiety but i stopped going for 2 reasons: going to therapy triggered my anxiety and i felt like my therapist was a dumbass who couldn't understand my more superior brain. and then my social anxiety just kinda vanished when i was 12 (no idea how that happened)

❤️‍🩹- don't think i'm the best at coping tbh lol. i mean i'm very good at preventing narc crashes, if i feel one coming on i just go get some praise via discord vent channels or go through old dms with my friends (so i can remember how awesome and perfect i am lol)

#actuallynpd #actually npd #npd #ask game

[pineappleciders]

hii could I request a omori matchup? I'm pan so any gender is fine

personality - intp, I'm very introverted in public, i don't like starting conversations (unless i really have to) and i struggle with anxiety so often i overthink my interactions. Get to know me and I'm extroverted, airheaded and clumsy, eccentric, and pretty corny. I enjoy making jokes (dad jokes r my fav) or oddly sexual ones bc i can be a big flirt. I'm a therapist friend, always listening and giving advice. I'm a very blunt person, like if you need the truth, it's coming to you. I'm childish- but also a motherlike/responsible person when I need to be! i'm forgetful though, so don't ever ask me to remember something for ya. I'm not organized nor do I ever do my work on time, I wait until the last minute to do anything! I have moodswings and some unhealthy mental thoughts, so sometimes i can't control my emotions and isolate myself from others. I just need alone time for awhile and then I'm okay, but I try not to completely let it bother me (ah yes, I'm the type to bottle up emotions.).

physical des - I'm around 5'3, I have black/brownish hair? it's a mix shoulder length hair(Reaches alittle past my shoulder) it's always straightened even though it's naturally curly! I have a mole under my left eye, if you look hard enough lol and I have a septum piercing! I'm kind of curvy too so theres that :P

fun facts!

ironic but my nickname is mari ( my friends call me that) and I actually play the piano , i'm able to play final duet <3

I love dressing in alternative/gothic fashion. I love any emo/goth style such as scene emo or mall goth the most

I love kel and aubrey- out of the group. Spaceboyfriend or Pluto were my favorites from the game

I have a low social battery, specially when I'm in school or public places ( I love talking so much I rant for hours on end about anime) so it's weird to others how quick my talktiveness changes

tysm take ur time and make sure to take care!!

A/N: THIS FONT IS VERY SMALL AND I AM BLIND SO IM SORRY IF I MISREAD ANYTHING!!

I MATCH YOU WITH...

SUNNY!!!!

first few meetings, it's kind of difficult for you two to talk to each other

neither of you like starting a conversation or speaking much, so when you talk it's really only in response to someone or one of you blurts something out and it starts convo

SUNNY has an attraction to you. i mean like he just feels drawn to you, and feels safe like he can kind of be himself around you

as you open up to each other, he acts unimpressed sometimes but he really enjoys your silly personality

SUNNY doesn't emote much but he has a great sense of humor. honestly he laughs at your dad jokes (not because they're funny but because they suck)

if you pull any flirty stuff on him, he'd be really lost. he's still kind of stuck in the OMORI mindset, so in his head he thinks he's completely unaffected and deadpanning.

but irl he's sweating and red, and gets super shy

SUNNY is someone who likes to live outside of reality. he doesn't want to face truth, but as he recovers from his past post-good ending, your bluntness could actually help him come back to reality instead of hiding in his mind

you remind him of KEL, to an extent. kinda goofy, clumsy, sometimes air-headed. but he likes that about you. your personalities clash in some way, but they also are very similar.

SUNNY relates to isolation and bottling up emotions until they pop. i think you two would do therapeutic things together, as you both have some things that you want to work out, so why not together? :)

if you do want to be alone though, he understands. he does the same thing too, and you guys respect each others boundaries while still helping the other take a step outside their comfort zone

years into the future, i think it would help SUNNY if you two were to play the final duet together

after all, he does see some of MARI in you, and (assuming you met after the incident) he knows that she would've loved you dearly. it would probably take a lot of healing, but you'll get there together

SUNNY also really likes alternative fashion, but he never really had the money, thought, or time to get into it

so it'll be super cool for him if you lend him some of your clothes or if you two went shopping!! he thinks you both look sick as fuck

he's quick to notice if you're burning out socially, and will get you two out of there asap (he also has a low social battery, but not when it comes to his friends)

he likes hearing you talk about stuff you like. he's a great listener, and he's sure to let you know you aren't annoying him or anything like that. he also has a lot of stuff he wants to rant about, but it'll probably take time for him to open up

#omori #omori matchup #omori matchups #omori sunny #sunny omori #omori sunny x reader #sunny omori x reader #omori x reader #omori headcanons

[jeriafterdark]

General thoughts on 813 so far, aka my musings on ZZH and mindfulness tips

Feel free to skip bc this doesn't contain much new information lol.

On the topic of the recent slanderous article

As of May 25, 2022, ZZH's name is still being smeared, this time from a government news outlet. I won't mention what was in it because it's just more vague slander anyway, and who really needs that?

The author of said article, however, has been shown to be one of CAPA's cronies and has published these highly biased articles before. So does he really represent the government's view of ZZH? I don't really know. But it adds to my assumption that there are many hands in the CN government fighting for dominance/relevance. As much as the CN government likes to emphasize their unity and single-minded party values, I highly doubt it is as unified as we think. As with any government on the face of the earth.

Of course with any outlet continuing to slander ZZH, it comes with a lot of anger. Justified anger. So it was nice to see/hear other people in this fandom expressing their anger at the situation, just to know I'm not alone in cussing it out. The recent twitter space hosted by bluebirdmuppet was a nice thing to listen to :)

2. Helplessness and fan wars

I know a lot of fans have left this fandom because of the extreme toxicity, and the devastating events unfolding from 813 and beyond. And it's fine to leave, as I always emphasize. But I'd like to add a reminder: you're never as helpless as you think. You control your own thoughts, your own reactions to those thoughts, your own reactions to media, and you control the power you give them. Whether to give them the power over you, or to use your precious time and attention for other means. To center yourself again, and then affect change.

As someone who's had to study a lot of cognitive-behavioral therapy, in terms of my own anxiety and intrusive thoughts, it works like this:

You have a thought - it could be a full sentence, a fragment, or a mental image. Let's say it's "how unfair it is for ZZH right now."

Then a feeling - more importantly, it's not the emotion, like anger. It's your reaction. Your heart racing, blood pounding in your ears, tension in your muscles. It can leave you feeling very tired, fatigued. Especially after thinking about how unfair ZZH has been treated.

Then a behavior - You might avoid social media for the day, or treat yourself to some bubble tea, or quit the fandom altogether. Or it could make you desperate and start to believe in the ZSJ conspiracy.

At every step, if you give yourself five minutes to breathe, you can stop yourself from going down a bad negative feedback loop. I think it's normal actually for most people to have the thought > feel stressed > have a nice bubble tea to relax lol. And that's not bad! Some people might practice avoidance to spare their mental health. But it doesn't solve the problem, imo. Some people use their behavioral step to buy GJ merch, or do retail therapy. And that's good too, within your means of course.

I personally feel very sad if all of ZZH's fans turn toxic, or give into the negative feedback loop and participate in damaging behavior (to him and themselves). And also if when ZZH does come back, and I believe he WILL, that there won't be many fans left to support his comeback. That's what concerns me.

So! Here are just some mindfulness tips. The next time you feel a bit sad about the news or overwhelmed (being someone in the USA, yes the gun violence that has happened in the span of one week is horrific), try these things:

Give yourself five minutes to just breathe and take in how you're feeling. Just note that your heart is pounding, that things feel kind of eh. No need to judge yourself for it. Just feel it and let it pass.

Then ask yourself, what happened? Just the facts. Ex. saw an article with some bad news today.

Then ask, what kind of reaction did you have or are you having? Ex. I feel like my heart is beating faster.

Focus on the present moment and focus on how you're feeling physically.

Decide on a behavior. Ex. I'm going to take a walk, or I'm going to listen to some soothing music.

Come back to the topic at a later time when you've calmed down and just take note of the facts, that's all.

I think with the super fast pace of news nowadays, it's very easy to become overwhelmed with hate and spite and sadness. But I want to emphasize that your ultimate power is yours and yours alone. You can choose how to react and what behavior you want to take. And then another step. And another step. It's okay to feel kind of sad and sullen about it, but it's cool that you have the power to slow yourself down. And then speed yourself up when you're ready.

You gotta believe in your own power, or else who will?

More resources on Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy

Practicing Mindfulness

#ramblings #813 #cognitive behavior therapy #mindfulness #mental health

[taegularities]

Hello lovely Rid 💕💕

(I somehow forgot if I already sent you this exact ask earlier today, so if I did feel free to ignore this one lol)

So there's not actually much to the crush situation but I'll still, in my usual style, ramble about it lol.

I think I mentioned to you once or twice about one guy from uni who has long hair and I find really pretty. I hung out with him and a mutual friend of ours once during and after an exam that we had to wait a long time for.

I've basically tentatively started calling him my crush in my head lol. Even though it's a pretty superficial one, which isn't what I usually do since I tend to only develop crushes on people I know well. But it is fun to have a more superficial one once in a while too yk.

Our friendgroups overlap a bit and so I talk to him sometimes in group settings and stuff. He seems like a good guy tbh, the way I would describe him is like good humoured? like quick to smile or laugh at people's jokes if that makes sense? friendly but also quiet and introverted at the same time? Yeah, that kind of vibe.

It's not anything that deep though and knowing myself it won't ever be since I can't make a move on someone to save my life lol. The fear of rejection is so real and it doesn't help that I've felt my social anxiety spiking since I started uni 😬😬😬

Most likely he'll just stay one of those pretty people you just stare at wistfully sometimes lmao. Although I'm not trying to count anything out and I'm open to all possibilities.

(Also I know I keep using the word pretty a million times but it's literally my favourite word in the English language for some reason and I love using it)

Oh yeah, and apparently he's started smoking now which is just a fun fact I found out about yesterday lmao. Can't say I'm a fan of smoking, but I am a fan of people doing whatever the hell they want, so no judgement from me lol.

That's basically the tea, which is lukewarm at best. I hope your day's going/went well and I'm sending you hugs and love as always 💞💞💞

HELLO OMG, apologies, i'm the worst but i'm ready to talk about crushes now :')

oh yes, i remember the maneskin guy :D ahhh, demiromantic/demisexuals ftw !! i understand that crushes can be fun, and i definitely think you should enjoy it as long as it's enjoyable lmao but should he end up breaking your heart in any way, i'll be ready with torches. just so you know :)

also i love how good humoured, quick to smile, friendly but quiet and introverted reminds me of another man... seems like you have a type, don't you? 👀 lol but no these are the best kind of people; i think it'd be nice for you to maintain this friendship, even if it remains just that. bc these days it's truly hard to find friends, especially those who actually care about being your friend? does that make sense? so i'm glad you've been enjoying it; if it develops into something more, i'll be super happy (don't forget us, though >:(), but don't worry about first moves for now !! <3

awh, and your opinion about his smoking habit is so refreshing!! i love all the tea, gimme all of it, even if it's lukewarm lmaooo. also, i'm assuming you're back from your trip? i hope you had the best time and are doing well, love. don't let uni stress you out too much !! love you, always 💕

#notes for rid 🌹 #ivi <3 #long ask

[sapphire-weapon]

Do you think that people are getting their hopes too high for Leon appearing in RE9? Like yeah, RE4make was a huge success, but it is a retelling. OG Leon hasn't appeared in any games (?) since RE6, which was slammed because they fucked up his character so bad. If he's going to appear again, I'd argue that most players (or at least a large chunk) are not paying attention to how the movies tie into game canon, meaning that his better written personality in RE9 is NOT going to make sense. Many will wonder how he came from RE6 to a more carefully thought out RE9. What fills in the gaps?

It makes more sense to exclude him and instead focus on his younger self throughout the new script, should they continue down that path, so he's consistent. Regardless, I'd want newer games to mainly focus on what the fuck is happening in the BSAA. What HAPPENED to Chris? Why are they using B.O.W.'s!? Where does Rose go from here? I enjoy Leon, I do, but he's not a the main character in the RE franchise and I don't think a lot of people get that.

I could be totally wrong though, lol. I do not speak on behalf of the billions of people playing this game, just my thoughts. Also to clarify bc social anxiety, this isn't hate to your last anon! I liked their question too! It was established that Chris was in his own mission, with his own team DESPITE what he was told. There was strong references to a whole lot of drama between him and his superiors, because he stropped trusting them almost entirely, from what I remember. He technically wasn't supposed to be there and finding B.O.W.'s in the BSAA was an ending scene twist. So I don't understand the connection between him and the people keeping Rose on a leash, either. The closest I can guess is that he made some type of deal to keep her safe and train her to use her powers safely and ethically.

You are giving the CGI films way, way too much credit. You will not at all have to watch Vendetta or Death Island to make sense of Leon's character moving forward, just like how you didn't have to watch Damnation to make sense of him in RE6.

Say RE9 deals with Leon's self-awareness about his status in the government. Well, in RE6, Leon is so much at odds with the government that he had to fake his death at one point in that game. Going into an RE9 that deals with him breaking free and going his own way doesn't really seem crazy to me. In fact, it makes more sense than any other title progression for him.

Answer me honestly: Do you really think that his character's personality progression makes sense if you just go straight RE2 -> RE4 -> RE6?

Because it doesn't.

OG RE4 still gets criticism to this day for how much they changed him from RE2, just like how RE6 gets shit for it.

Also, like.

What's the implication here? That he should never be in a game again because it won't "make sense" to players?

Resident Evil is a video game series first and foremost, and Leon has been its deuteragonist since 1998. I don't understand this mentality that he won't/shouldn't be in a numbered game title again and should be contained strictly to supplementary material moving forward in order to wrap up his story. Why on earth would/should they do that, when Leon's presence in a game helps move units?

Leon is going to be in either RE9 or RE10. This is not really up for debate. Capcom is going to have to close out his story soon because of his age, and it's going to happen in a mainline title.

Because he is the secondary protagonist of a video game series.

[distortedataraxia]

If requests are open, I hope it's okay if I request a matchup 🥺 I'm a bisexual transdude. I'm a pretty big introvert, if I go to big social things, I will need like a full day to myself at least after it or else I will have an emotional breakdown from being burnt out. Despite that, I'm a childcare worker and I adore my kids so much, little ones are my specialty. It's my dream to be a dad one day! I'm a very domestic person, my hobbies include cooking, baking, and drawing. I'm also super into fashion and like looking good whenever I go out. A malewife, some would say /hj.

I'm a big people pleaser with social anxiety, so I tend to be reserved and overly polite when I first meet people. This also tends to make me a bit of a doormat. If you mistreat me, I'll of course be upset, but I'll bottle it up and won't voice my complaints because I hate confrontation. Plus I'm an angry crier and I hate crying in front of people. I constantly have the attitude of "I'M TIRED OF BEING NICE. I'M GONNA GO APESHIT." But I never go apeshit because I need everyone to like me so much all the time.

I'm super loosened up around friends though so I can be sarcastic, teasing, and cuss quite a bit. I tend to have a bit of dark... Dazai-esque humor sometimes, it's a habit, not as bad as it used to be. I'm also pretty dirty minded lol. Also, if my loved ones need something, my anxiety will go out the window, I'd fight anyone for them.

aaaaa this is getting long so I'm so sorry, I'll just state a few more facts

- I love anything horror. Movies, video games, haunted houses, esc.

- My cats are my babies and are at the top of my Favorite People list. I like all animals though!

- I'm punk-eque I guess with a love of rock n' roll, motorcycles, and tattoos. I am my father's son lmao.

- I have a big weakness for anything cute. I have impulsively spent $20 on a bunny plush. Help.

- That being said, I'm usually super cautious with money and encourage others to do the same.

- One time I cried after killing an ant bc I put myself in its shoes and "Oh my god, he was just walking around and living his life. And now it's gone. He's just suddenly DEAD. Oh my god."

Ummm I think that's it. I really enjoy your writing and you seem really nice and I hope you have a good day ❤️

Author note : Hello !! I'm so so so so so sorryyyyyyy for the time i took to work on your request - I haven't been active at all and i don't feel like i have any valid excuse, just me being emo/20 lol. Anyways I'm sorry this is rushed and i'll doubt you'll see this but i'll do it anyways,- still sorry ! You have a good day too and take care ! 💜also i didn't know if you wanted to be paired with a girl or a boy so i just did whatever came to my brain as other people are waiting - I'm sorry this is completly my fault TT-TT If you wanted to be paired with the other gender you can request to me again that won't bother me! I won't make you wait months-long this time... I think 🥲

I pair you with.....

Ranpo!

I can already see you looking at horror movies with him with A LOT OF FOOD- Ranpo also likes cats so i'm sure you'll take care of some together - Ranpo likes to play video games too as he plays some with yosano, i'm sure he'll find a lot of time for you and him to play together ! if you go to Haunted houses together, i'm sure he'd be amused by your reactions as he already figured out where everything is and what will happen.. Or maybe he can be taken by surprise..? Who knows - that's for you to imagine ! As he is really smart no shit sherlock he will probably figure out when something is bothering you so you won't even have to say it ! I'm sure this man will beg you to bake or cook things for him and then will eat almost everything in the blink of an eye - Goodluck with that! Ranpo will be careful with you, i can already imagine a dramatic plot where one of your loved one is in danger and it's too dangerous for you and he's gonna save them but you find out and he tries to stop you from going there and then idk boom drama and- yeah -

#bsd #bungo stray dogs matcup #bungou stray dogs #bsd ranpo #ranpo x reader #ranpo x you #ranpo matchups #matchups #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs matchups