#because he DID treat us like nothing more than numbers to give him money

[anadiilua]

Geez, where did all the drolos go? Since when do I follow so many Sapnap mains/sapolos?

Idc if you watch his kick streams or not but why do you guys need to defend his white cishet ass every time? It WAS a stupid decision motivated by money because that's what he cares about. Don't need to defend his honor. Just watch his streams if you don't care about the platform.

#moonie talks #moonie mini rant #sap neg #kinda #i swear to god people didn't watch him this much before #you just like to go against whatever twitter is thinking #this war of who has more morals or not is so fucking annoying #why are you mad at people that don't want to watch him in that platform? #just shut the fuck up and let people be hurt by his actions #because he DID treat us like nothing more than numbers to give him money #and he does think of himself like the last chip in the bag #so fuck him. I'm NOT supporting his stupid ass decision he made for a cash grab

[itgomyway]

why you already have your “desires” ♡

non dualism means there’s no duality in your world. theres no other force at play here. it is just you. everything that manifest into your reality is as real as you let it become. your fingernails being painted vs not painted is up to the observer; you.

you cannot keep letting your senses dictate what you have. not now not ever not even when it seems like they align exact with what you want. these senses are always misleading. i have money but its not physically touching my hand. does this mean i dont have it?

for example. more than half of you are manifesting a relationship (which is 100% OKAY. never let anybody make you feel bad for it). however, since you know about non dualism, you know that everything is consciousness meaning everything is you. this includes your sp.

when ppl say your relationship always reflects how you feel about yourself THIS IS TRUE because it is just you. everything is you. my boyfriend and how he treats me is a reflection of how i view myself. ill give you an example:

when i first met him i wanted someone who would always be there for me and always want to take care of me. and he showed me that. but due to my ptsd, i used to have episodes where id push him away and believe he didnt rlly like me or want me. we spoke less and he gave me my space and it used to upset me and id be confused until one day he did smth nice for me and when i said thank u he thanked me for “letting him love me”. this was months ago so i didnt think ab it much at the time but i literally was not letting him.

he had no choice but to follow my rules. he had no choice but to present the way i assumed he would and he directly told me this what does this have to do with non dualism? like i said, everything is me. theres no outside force doing something to me, it is just me.

and there is no separation involved. there’s no imagination that has to reflect to the real world theres no 3d conforming to the 4d and there. is. no. waiting. this has nothing to do with time. time is a concept the ego (you) created to better comprehend your senses (also you)

so when i tell u whatever u “desire” is yours, IS YOURS. the little voice in the back of your head telling you to think logical tell them to shut up because logic is another ego-centered term. the ego (who is you!) was created to protect your body. but you are not just your body.

you are pure consciousness. you are everything even what it is you desire. desiring doesnt exist when you are already everything you desire. you want that man? then hes yours babes. you want a fat paycheck? then its yours

“but i say that and then i check my bank account and-“ aht aht. what did i just tell you? stop leading your understanding with misleading senses. there is no separation from what you want and want you dont want because everything is inherently neutral in the first place.

theres no différence between the number in your bank account and the number “in your head”. the bank account and number arent even real in the first place so why do you care? be fucking free from anything you have once deemed “physical” therefore real. cuz none of it is babygirl

if you ever find yourself not believing bc you dont “see it” then remind yourself that you’re still looking at it from a point of duality which is wasting your time because you are one ☝️

© itgomyway

#consciousness #nondualism #nonduality #law of assumption #awareness

[esmedelacroix]

16 days til' Christmas

figuring out why boyfriend!hobie brown doesn't celebrate christmas ⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅̩̩͙‧͙ ‧͙̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆

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Christmas Eve at Spider Society was always described to be the most depressing thing ever which was not true since Miguel had the whole place decorated and festive to lighten the fact that so many of you are still there making sure that anomalies weren’t destroying the Christmas cheer in other universes.

You didn’t mind fighting anomalies during the holidays. You liked the work you did and you loved the Spiderman-themed con I’m on eggnog art that was being served in the cafeteria.

Everything was perfect for the holidays and you all were having a little get-together on the roof to celebrate. Who would’ve known that Miguel and Peter B were so crazy about Christmas? You didn’t mind because you were right on that boat with them.

You had a mission earlier that day and when you went to med bay, the nurses were dressed up like Santa’s helpers and they had holiday-themed band-aids. You had no idea why anyone told you that Christmas at Spider Society was so terrible if there was so much effort put in to make it fun.

You never questioned any rumor you heard from Spider Knight ever again when you made the mistake of walking up to Hobie’s table with a plate of holiday sugar cookies for the two of you to share with an ugly sweater on.

“Hey Hobie, thought I’d make us some cookies to share,” you said as you slid the plate of reindeer and Santa-themed treats towards him.

Jessica Drew walked by looking at the cookies you had offered Hobie and said nothing more than, “Good luck,” as she patted your back and chuckled to herself.

“No thanks,” Hobie said, sliding the cookies back to you.

“What don’t tell me you don’t believe in Christmas,” you quipped, giving him a playful nudge thinking you made the funniest joke on the planet.

“I don’t,” he replied sternly with the blankest expression.

Your heart dropped and your mouth hung open. There’s no way, he has to be joking. You thought to yourself as you shook your head slowly in disbelief.

“Hobie, that’s not funny cmon. Do you not like sweets? I mean I make the best cookies on the planet. Mayday helped me make em’” you insisted.

“I was being for real mate, I don’t celebrate Christmas,” he sighed, kicking back in his seat, chuckling at your level of surprise and denial.

Holy shit, he was being for real. What am I going to do with that custom electric guitar I got him as a gift?! You thought to yourself.

“I’m sorry, is it some kind of religious difference that I’m just being insensitive about?” you asked thinking that maybe he was Jewish or something(yep you’re going crazy).

“You know how I feel about religious love,” he replied, flicking your forehead. Of course, how could you forget such an important detail?

“Then why? Why don’t you celebrate it? Did you give someone your heart then the very next day they gave it away?” you jested poking fun at him.

“No Christmas is a scam. First of all, there is no proof that Jesus was even born on the 25 of December, it originated from a pagan holiday, it’s a celebration of the Norwegian God Odin, and the government has completely brainwashed America into buying gifts for their loved ones so that they can profit off of the millions of dollars made during the holidays. I refuse to be just a part of a number that keeps the government rich and helps them waste more of their money on our so overfunded military,” Hobie explained.

Hobie was always outspoken and his opinions as much as you hated to admit it, made sense. They made so much sense but Christmas was where he was wrong.

You tried your hardest to just respect his opinions and hold it all in but you couldn’t. “Hobie, you’ve got it all wrong. None of the information that you listed is news to me at all. But I still celebrate Christmas. Want to know why? Because Christmas is what you make of it,” you stated sternly.

“That’s the stupidest thing I have ever heard in my entire life. No offense babe,” he replied.

“It’s not stupid because even if it has been proven that Jesus wasn’t born on that day that doesn’t mean that it’s not bad to have a holiday where you remember and celebrate him if someone were to celebrate Christmas for religious reasons,” you argued.

He hummed and nodded in stumble agreement. “You can have all this talk about pagans and Odin but no one outside of those cultures ever thinks about those two points on Christmas Day,” you said.

“It doesn’t mean that's not still the origin,” he rebutted.

“Even if they are the origin no one ever really thinks about that. I know I don’t. We may be giving the government money but we already do that by simply being alive in this country,” you said.

“If Christmas isn’t about any of the things that it’s actually about then what is Christmas about for you? What do you make Christmas out to be?” he asked.

“Christmas to me? Christmas is a holiday that teaches its participants about the importance of gift giving and the feeling you get when you give a gift that someone loves as opposed to receiving one,” you started.

Hobie continued listening, nodding his head indicating that he was listening to your interpretation of the holiday. He subconsciously picked a cookie up and started eating it entertained by your passion for Christmas.

“Christmas is a time to gather with the people you love most and bake, dance, drink, laugh, and love. Christmas taught me that any gift with thought behind it is a good one. I cherish an expensive perfume the same way I cherish a handmade card. The value of a gift is dependent on the love put behind it,” you continued.

“To celebrate Christmas is to see your loved ones stare at something constantly when shopping and surprising them with it as a gift because nothing feels any better than seeing that smile on their face knowing that you made someone you love so happy that they hug you or give you kiss,” you finished almost tearing up at the happy memories.

“Okay, okay, I can work with that,” Hobie started.

“Really?!” you asked as glitter and heavens sparkled in your eyes with happiness.

“Yes but the government is still tricking us all,” he joked as he wrapped an arm around your shoulder and pulled you into his side.

“Oh, whatever,” you replied, rolling your eyes as you snuggled in with him.

“I already knew that you were a holiday fanatic so I got you some gifts despite my former reluctance to celebrate Christmas,” he admitted.

“Thank you Hobie, seriously,” you said.

“Now can we go to that Christmas Eve party on the roof or what?” you asked as you took his hand and dragged him to the elevator.

“Ugh, I’ve made it a mission to never be caught at one of these functions,” Hobie nearly whined.

As the two of you exited the elevator together hand in hand it seemed like the whole party stopped and everyone turned to look at the two of you in disbelief.

“Uh Hobie, this is the Christmas party,” Peter B said double-checking to see if he knew where he was.

“It’s all good, he’s not the Grinch anymore! At least not as much as before,” you reassured as you took the drink that Peter B offered you.

“Alright then,” Peter started looking at him skeptically as Hobie nodded at him confirming your words.

“Welcome to the party my friend!” Peter B exclaimed, handing him a drink. Miguel gave the two of you a nod and you spent the rest of the night singing along and dancing to the Christmas songs that Hobie sadly didn’t have the pleasure of knowing the words to.

"How was that for your first Christmas Eve celebration?" you asked as the two of you left the roof.

"It was actually kind of fun. Odin didn't pay a visit either," he quipped.

"Alright enough of that," you said, giving his arm a playful slap.

"Okay, I had a lot of fun. Thank you for dragging me up and telling me about the magic of Christmas," Hpbie finally said.

"You're welcome. I hope you love Christmas even more when you open your gifts tomorrow," you said.

"Gifts" plural? I thought you were the only one that got me a gift," he said confused.

"Me and Miguel get you a gift every year but you're never there to open it. Don't tell the boss man I told you that all he'll do is deny and deny and I will never see the light of day," Peter B said as he attempted to rock Mayday to sleep after all the sweets she had at the party.

For the first time after hearing that news Hobie felt that feeling. That fuzzy little Christmas feeling where it feels like there are fireworks in your heart and you realize that someone saw something, thought of him, and bought it for him as a gift for the sole purpose of seeing his eyes light up on Christmas morning. Hobie was starting to love this feeling. It was a Christmas miracle.

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taglist:

@aripet22

#hobie brown x reader #hobie brown x y/n #astv hobie #atsv hobie #hobie brown #hobie brown across the spiderverse #hobie brown atsv #hobie spiderverse #hobie x reader #hobie my beloved #hobie brown fluff #hobie brown x fem!reader #christmas fluffdown

[finniestoncrane]

Without a Hitch

Dano!Riddler x Female!Reader, word count: 10k commission: eddie meets reader at her work and develops an intense interest in her. and he decides it might be nice to treat himself to a little voyeurism and maybe a bit more... 🐀💚 part 2 here commission me here! request info • prompt list • send me a request • kofi • masterlist minors DNI!! 🔞 cw: stalking, obsessive, noncon, voyeurism

For the longest time, everything in Eddie’s world was a blurred, amoral grey. Nothing mattered too much to him. It hadn’t mattered in a long time, in fact. Nothing ever sparked joy, and nothing really sparked fury. The cruelty he had experienced in the orphanage, the long-endured pain at the hands of peers, the mockery he experienced at work as he tried his hardest, and the days spent watching money that was earmarked to help the downtrodden like himself being funnelled into various criminal enterprises under the knowing noses of Gotham’s corrupt elite. It had wiped him out. It was all too much. He felt as though he were nothing. He didn’t think he mattered. Nothing did.

Occasionally, only sometimes, a notion would come over him. The idea that something could be done to fix the world, to give him back the sense of being alive, and the power to actually make a change, make a difference. But for much of his life it had never amounted to anything more than his scribbled diary entries filled with pain and violence, to be forever sentenced to fictional daydreams. Nothing more than his lustful gazes into the barred window of the army surplus store he passed on his walk to work and home again from the subway station. One day, he thought, maybe. But he didn’t ever think it was likely.

Which is why he supposed it had struck him like a brick to the side of the head when you approached him. Willingly, too. And with no cause, much to his surprise. Another human, one not bound by any social convention or contract to make small talk with him, had decided to waste their time with someone like him. And, eternally grateful, he had put on his best, most human smile, and used all of his practised lines that were standard in normal conversation. Through sheer luck alone, or maybe because you were simply made for him, he seemed to pass the test. The reward being your attention for even just a few seconds more. And he lingered around your workplace in an attempt to get more of it. He would pretend to be looking for your help finding files and films, pretending like he needed the support of the archivist, as if he needed help with anything. Three times now you had been dangerously close to uncovering what he was really doing with the information for the renewal fund and the newsreel footage of the Wayne’s and their beneficiaries. But luckily, he had always managed to use his awkward charm to lure you away from the truth.

Beyond that first interaction, he had never expected to see you again, let alone develop what he assumed was a friendship. You had asked for his number, he guessed out of politeness. But you had texted him. And called him. Regularly in fact. And always asking to meet up again if he was free. You seemed genuinely interested and while that terrified him, he was more than happy to expose himself to just a little bit of pain as the risk, if the reward was your genuine interest. It quickly became apparent to him that you were kind, sweet, caring. And honest. He soon found himself walking you home, meeting you for breakfast, sharing his latest worries with you. Your relationship, your friendship, was helped along by proximity. He remembered how he felt the day he realised that you lived in the apartment block next to his own. That you were so close to him, it had to mean that you two were destined for something more, together. He considered the logical explanations of course. You were both looking for the cheapest place to rent, you both needed access to the subway system, you were both single, so the tiny, studio apartments in the four buildings on this one corner suited you both perfectly. But it had to be more than that, surely.

In that seemingly destined togetherness, he found genuine happiness and comfort. It was a welcome change from his solitude. The years of loneliness had made his heart ache so profoundly that it felt like he was a new person around you. But he was still himself. Even deep down, there was the gnawing, screeching, desperate need for violence and chaos in the name of vengeance and reparations. The need for control, the lust for power. It was all too easy for him to slip into that thinking around you. You were so unique in your forgiving and trusting nature. So easily manipulated, so vulnerable. You trusted Eddie so much, and so quickly. And that alone satisfied the craving for power he had, even just for a little while. But the satisfaction dwindled, and the more time he spent with you, the stronger his desire for more of your affections and attention got.

More power over you, more exposure to you, more of you. And to him, he was being gifted that from the fates of the universe themselves. Because what more of a sign did he need than knowing that you were living in the apartment block next to his own. That you trusted him implicitly. That when you were with him, you confessed to feeling safer, feeling comforted yourself.

He wondered if you felt it as deeply as he did though. He worried over it, ruminating over the question of whether your feelings, while the same, were actually identical. He’d spend hours and hours at night, unable to fall asleep, but not grudging it in the slightest, staring at the ceiling and thinking of you. Did you think of him? Did you appreciate the way he appreciated you? Of course you couldn’t. He was… different. Different from most people really. He felt things stronger, he deserved more as a result. And as wonderful as you were, compared to him, you were still less than. But you could hope, couldn’t you? You could dream of his returned affections? Maybe you did. Maybe you lay in your own bed at night, praying to some gods who weren’t always listening if they were even there at all, that he would be willing to favour you with his attention, or even his love.

And lucky for you, Eddie felt generous. Enough so, that he was willing to put time and effort that he didn’t really have into favouring you with a hint of his adoration. Though, his panic driven mind and shy nature meant he couldn’t really express it to you outright. This would be something more secretive. The kind of adoration you might not even notice. But he would express his love at least.

A lot of dedication was required, copious amounts of effort which he was sure that you might eventually come to appreciate, should you ever find out, or should he ever express it to you in detail. Each day, he monitored your apartment. In order to be sure that he would have the most time, creating a relaxing and fulfilling experience for himself of course, he needed to be sure he knew when the optimum time for a little visit would be. When you left, when you arrived back. How long it took you to walk from the station to the front door of your apartment. Any kind of inconveniences he imagined would hold you back, and any favourable turns that might mean you were home earlier.

It wasn’t as difficult as he first imagined, given that he actually knew a lot of your routine already. And you were very much like him in the sense that you were habitual. You stuck to a routine. Unwise, really, and had he not been so consumed by his own nefarious plans he would have certainly warned you that it’s good to shake things up every now and then, just to throw potential stalkers off of your trail. He supposed the mention of that might scare you though. No one wanted to live in reality, not like he did. Everyone was happy to be blind to the scary things that lurked not even in the shadows but in the broad daylight of society. It was much easier to turn a blind eye to them.

Eddie hadn’t expected you to be much different, though he did think you might be ever so slightly smarter than the rest of the citizens who tucked up their coat collars when they passed by a crime in action and absent-mindedly held their keys between their knuckles. But there you were, walking down the alley shortcut even without him by your side. At least he knew you were likely to go the route he took you every day, and that shaved off almost ten minutes from what precious little time he might have alone.

As he watched you over the course of the week, he came to realise that he thought of your life as quite sad. Eddie appeared to be your only real friend. Or maybe he was something more to you? He had no doubt in his mind that you were possibly beginning to fall for him. Why else would you be willing to spend so much of your time around him? You were so kind and innocent, it was impossible to believe you had any kind of nefarious intentions, which was usually his go to worry when someone extended even the most minor of kindnesses to him. Like that one woman who had offered him her train ticket which she wasn’t going to use. Was she just trying to avoid using the train with him? Had she planted a bomb and decided that he deserved to die with the others? He was glad he had taken the bus that day. You can never tell with some people. But he could tell with you.

It was interesting though, because you didn’t seem to know or understand him as well as he did you, or even as well as you thought you did. You told him so often how genuine he was, how gentle and polite, how kind and generous, how cute and interesting and funny and gentlemanly. So either through willing ignorance, or genuine stupidity, you clearly hadn’t noticed the way he looked at you, leering with a disgustingly perverted lust that riddled him with guilt. So often he took glances down your shirt, admiring the way your breasts curved and filled out the glimpse of bra that he could see. And any time you were bent over, he was entirely focused on your ass, the way you filled out your pants, how it bounced lightly. And any time he had ever been brave enough to compliment you, you brushed it off, blushing, denying that there was anything about you that was worthy of any kind of praise. You were beautiful. You were sweet. But, you were just as pathetic as he was, in so many ways.

While that should have struck a sympathetic chord within him, instead it only made his heart beat more deviously. There would be less in the way, more of you for him. Every facet of your being, all of your attention, focused solely on Eddie. Truly, that was the ideal end goal here. Not ownership necessarily, but worship. Sometimes, it felt like you did. On your knees below him, staring up at him as you reached for something on a low down shelf as you fetched what he asked for. A servant, a worshipper, praying at his feet. Would you beg for him? Would you call to him as though he were a god? Would you open your mouth for salvation and accept it in the form of his rigid cock resting on your tongue, choking you at the back of your throat? He wanted you to. He believed in time, you could want the same thing. And little by little, he would drip feed that notion to you. Infiltrating your mind, body and soul, all for him. But first, he had to infiltrate your apartment. Luckily, that was proving to be a far easier task than he had first imagined when he set out on this first step of his plan.

On the morning he chose to execute this first part of his cunning plan, he waited patiently for you to leave your apartment. This involved him timing your morning. You would wake up, snooze your alarm, rest in your bed for those ten minutes while you checked your phone for messages or news or whatever you were doing, and then you would get up. You showered at night, he knew that now from conversations, not an easy topic to slip in casually but he had managed it. So in the morning, you only washed your face, brushed your teeth, went to the toilet, put on makeup, brushed your hair, got dressed. These things, he had timed you on in total, but he wasn’t sure of the order you did them, or how long each step took individually. He’d know soon enough though.

You ate toast every morning, with varying different toppings. Another fun fact he had gleaned from conversations with you. No doubt you assumed he was just trying to get to know you better, learn more about his friend, make a deeper connection. Which was true, in part, but ever so slightly more nefarious than you could ever imagine.

Taking into account that you might have to choose your outfit a couple of times, or might be having a bad hair day, or might need a little longer with one of the steps, he offered himself a generous margin for error. After all, he knew you would be out of your apartment for at least six hours this day, even adjusting for those ‘what ifs’ that he had planned for. It was the smart thing to do to provide less time in your space to make sure that it was spent well, than be stressed about the notion of you returning unannounced.

Once he was sure you were gone, he made his way rather casually from his own apartment out to the street. It was a rush. No one ever noticed him before, but now, it meant something. The people who brushed past him had no idea what was going on inside his mind, what kind of nasty business he was planning on getting up to. His invisibility, the fact that he was inconsequential enough to become a sort of living secret, was finally working in his favour.

With a perk in his step, he giddily stepped up to your building, pressing the wood just right in the way you knew would get the old and almost completely defunct lock to give way. And with that, he was inside. The thrill, the anticipation, it was enough to send him reeling. But he held his cool, kept himself under control. If anyone were to step out of their apartment and wonder who this stranger in the hallway was, he had his excuses lined up. Although, as prepared as he was, it didn’t stop his chest from shuddering with excitement, and his breath shaking with nerves. Especially not as he stood in front of the familiar sight of your door.

You had gone on vacation for three days once. The loneliest period of his life to date, mostly because you had managed to worm your way into his subconscious so quickly and with such ease that he forgot how lonely he was before he had met you. You’d asked him to water your plants on the second day. And he had done this, diligently, with great care. And then, he’d given you back your spare key with a smile, even when you insisted he keep it, you reminded him that it was better to stay safe and hold onto it yourself. He cared for you, you might need it. He might drop it and lose it and then who might get a hold of it? You smiled and kissed his cheek. He could still feel it if he thought hard enough. And as you walked into your apartment building, he had held the copy he had cut that morning in his fist, smiling at the stinging sensation on his palm as the points dug into his skin.

He held that key again, placing it into the lock as he held his breath, and opened your door. Rushing inside, he closed it slowly again, quietly, so no one in the hall could hear the exits and enterings. He knew what neighbours were like. Nosy. They might mention hearing you, and then you’d be confused, suspicious. Unless… you had given your key to someone else? No… he couldn’t think like that right now. There was no point in getting angry and jealous when he had business to attend to.

Eddie placed his backpack down on your console table in the small hallway. Reaching inside, he pulled out two tiny spy cameras he had bought on a less than legal and less than reputable site linked to him by someone on one of his frequently visited forums. He smiled as he held them between his fingers. They were his ticket into your mind, into your body, into your soul. And he had already planned where he was going to place them, but it was worth it to take one more look around your place now that he had the time to really explore. He’d been here multiple times, but always with you. Never a moment to himself, to have some fun. Except, of course, when he watered the plants. But he was less confident then, more keen to impress you and do a good job. Scared of messing something up. He came in, watered, left. And got the key copied. Now, he couldn’t care less.

You weren’t going to know he was here. He liked you, he appreciated you, he thought you were wonderful. But you weren’t the most observant. It was likely he could leave his backpack there and you might not even question it. But he was going to leave everything exactly the way he found it regardless. The last thing he wanted was a snag in his plan. So with that mindset, he took a slow walk around the kitchen and living space. It was small, but bigger than his. Nothing of note there. He doubted you got up to much in this space other than eating and watching TV. It was interesting to observe it, but the real goals were the bathroom and the bedroom, as he had suspected and planned for.

Heading down the small hallway there was a door in front of him and one to the side. In his head, he played a silent game of “eeny, meeny, miny, mo” and ended up heading straight forward. Opening the door into the room beyond, he realised it was your bathroom. The scent was pleasant. Slightly sugary, peaches, creams, clean. It didn’t have the bland soap smell that was barely covering the masses of damp and mould like his own bathroom did. Taking in the room, he imagined you there. As he observed the space, he placed you in it. Showering, whatever you used that smelled so sweet covering your nude body, suds slipping over your curves and rolls, like you were dousing yourself in icing sugar for him. A treat to taste.

Opening the shower curtain, he lifted your shampoo and sniffed it, inhaling deeply. Just the way you smelled when he hugged you, your light perfumed fragrance staying with him for the rest of his day and into the night as he thought of you. Placing the bottle back exactly, he turned to the sink, brushing his fingers lightly over your toothbrush. It was such a small gesture, such an insignificant action, he thought. But it felt deeply illicit, almost illegal. As though when you next brushed your teeth you might taste him, be completely hypnotised by it, and fall in love with him instantaneously.

Reminding himself that this was a time sensitive operation, he shook the thoughts from his mind and turned back to the bath and shower. It would make sense for him to place the camera in there, somewhere hidden but with a good view. He knew the camera was waterproofed to a point, but it wouldn’t last with too much splashback. And then he spotted it in the corner, a tiny patch of mould. Typical, every apartment in Gotham was riddled with it someway or another. But it would work as the perfect disguise for the camera. He slipped his shoes off, balancing in your bath on his tiptoes within his socks, leaving no marks, and reached up to stick the camera right in the corner. It was camouflaged well enough. Noticeable if you were really looking, but he reasoned that you might be the kind of person who would ignore a little mould problem until it was too difficult to pretend it wasn’t there. And by that point he would have removed the evidence.

Stepping back out of the tub, he put his shoes back on and made his way to the door, flicking off the light switch. With the bathroom in complete darkness, he looked for the soft blue dot that meant the camera was in working order. It wasn’t too obvious, nothing you would notice if you went to the toilet in the night. Only someone hyper-vigilant or looking for something to worry about might ever see it. Definitely not someone as trusting as you, and not while you were still half-asleep. For a brief moment, he did worry that you might shower in the dark, but he realised he was being ridiculous. So he left the bathroom behind, satisfied with his efforts in there. Now, he had to bug your bedroom.

As he walked to the other door in the hall he cursed himself. This wasn’t really bugging you, that would have required a microphone. He should have got something like that to accompany the visuals. Next time, maybe. When he got paid. This was going well so far, he imagined it would be easy enough to sneak in again and upgrade his surveillance equipment.

Eddie lost his train of thought completely when he entered your bedroom. He’d never been in here before. He never thought he would be. There was something so erotic about it, something inherently sexual about being in the space where you lay. Although you obviously got naked in the shower, and he had just been standing there, it was different in here somehow. Likely because instead of picturing you nude, alone, sopping wet and slick with soap, here… Here he could imagine you naked, soft and warm, with his arms wrapped around you as you slept. It was almost too much for him to think about, the potential for something he could have if he played his cards right.

Taking in the whole of the room, he felt his fingers twitching. So much to touch, to sniff. He had to avoid indulging himself though. The more he touched, the more evidence he was risking leaving behind. He had to pick the optimal place to put the camera and leave. A second glance around the room with a slightly clearer mind, he noticed a picture frame on the wall, painted black and slightly protruding. It would hide the camera well enough, he reasoned. And from the angle, it would capture the bed, or at least most of it. But luckily, he had reasoned that you slept on that side more often, as the night stand was filled with your things, a charging cable, your pill box, a well-read book. And your mirror was on the wall it overlooked also, beside your dresser. So the likelihood that he would get to watch your dress and undress in full view seemed to be a sure thing.

With both cameras finally secured, Eddie was far too excited to linger any longer. He would leave now, with plenty of time to spare, wander home past a takeout place to secure himself something more substantial than instant noodles as a reward, and he’d go home to enjoy the fruits of his labours. Finally. It felt like he’d been waiting for this moment for years. And realistically, with how perfect you were to him, with how much he wanted you, needed you, he felt like he had, even unknowingly. Like his whole life had led up to this point. A reward, for the suffering. You were the prize. And he was finally the winner. At last.

Back out on the streets, he could barely contain his excitement, the sheer unadulterated glee emanating from his very soul. Wearing a wide smile across his face, pressing into his cheeks which in turn rose up into the clear frames of his glasses, he ticked off the items on his “to-do” list and made his way back home. Each person who caught his eye, he smiled at. He noticed it happened a lot. Usually, he was ignored, completely invisible. But now, people were looking up, some people were even smiling back. He imagined it must be the fact that he looked more open. Smiling did that to a person. It made them warmer, welcoming, pleasant to observe. And a smile was infectious. A part of him, though, felt like maybe they knew. Maybe they were looking at him now as a man who radiated an aura that said he could do things. He could achieve his goal. He wasn’t someone to mess with. Because if you did, he would break into your house. He would learn your habits. He could do whatever he wanted with you. So you better be polite and smile at him, or else you’d be on his bad side.

With that sense of imagined and self-instilled, but no less prevalent, confidence, he entered his own apartment. He let out a sigh of contended relief. He had done it. And he was so pleased with himself. He felt like he could scream and shout in complete ecstasy. Because whether or not you realised it, or were even willing, you were his now. To observe, to watch and learn about. Like a pet, or one of those web-chats where the women would do what he wanted. But this was free. And he might not be able to control you, but it was better that way. He hated having to use the voice modulator and speak to them as they soullessly gripped their own breasts and touched themselves. He’d far rather be a silent observer. Voyeuristic. As though he’d walked in on them, and they continued regardless of his presence. Ignoring him in favour of their own pleasure. That’s what he wanted. His efforts today would at least give him more of that than he’d experienced before. And for the low price of some cameras and a day off work.

Eddie took the time to get comfortable in his own surroundings again. If he didn’t think about his worries, then they couldn’t hurt him. He’d just have to focus on other things, and try his hardest not to imagine you finding the cameras and calling the cops and somehow realising it was him who placed them there. Instead, he took a shower, watched some TV, took a nap, and ate his food. By that point in the day, he realised that you were likely to arrive home at any point, so, no longer trying to maintain an air of normalcy, he excitedly rushed to his desk.

From the drawer, he produced the box of tissues and the bottle of lotion he had purchased especially for this occasion, feeling that it deserved something of a higher quality than the stuff he kept under his bed. With trembling fingers, either from nerves or excitement, he couldn’t quite tell, he unzipped his pants and let his soft fingertips soothe over the exposed skin above his boxers. His skin tingled as he brushed over the tuft of hair that sat above the base of his stiffening cock.

He knew it was dangerous, to touch himself already, but he could barely contain the need. With his fist around his length, he began to absent-mindedly stroke himself as he stared at the grainy images of your empty apartment. Just that alone was enough to have him twitching under his touch, and fearing he might be ready to cum before he had properly begun to enjoy his hard work, he let go in a shock, taking a few deep breaths and staring down at his length, bobbing as he panted. Precum dripped from the head, and he tapped it with his finger, spreading it over the flushed tip. With a sharp inhale, he chastised himself for being so desperate. There was no need to waste this moment. He needed to get control over his urges, at least until you were actually on screen.

And he didn’t have to wait long, because soon enough, he could see you entering your bathroom. He looked away as you used the toilet, not because he was squeamish, but oddly enough because that seemed like an invasion of your privacy, unlike anything else he had planned. A quick glance to check you were finished showed him that you were already undressing yourself to head into the shower, but much to his demise, as you stepped into the tub, your rear on display to him, the camera cut out just as you began to turn.

In a quick fit of rage, he screamed and smacked the side of his monitor. He had almost had you, full frontal, every inch of you visible to him as you lathered yourself up. He could only imagine the kind of wonderful display he was missing right now. As he conjured up the images of you touching yourself, glistening and wet, he cursed the site he bought the cameras from. He knew it was too good to be true. They were obviously shit, complete and total garbage. Just his luck. Nothing ever went right for him. But then he realised, it was only a matter of minutes until you were finished showering. Then you’d be entering your bedroom. A second chance to see you.

Eddie waited impatiently, thrumming his fingers against the desk and scratching at the veneer that covered the cheap chipboard underneath, nails resting in the grooves he had made from the ceaseless, nerve-induced repetitive motion. But when you appeared, he was struck into a motionless silence, as though he had no idea what to do. It felt like you were there in the room with him, standing in front of him, wet from the shower, hair tied up, nothing but a towel on. He could picture you looking into his eyes, the image on the screen was grainy enough that he had to use his imagination to get clarity anyway, as you dropped the sheet that covered your body, all modesty gone.

And just as you did in his imagination, you did in real life also. There on the screen, your body, uncovered and facing his camera. He couldn’t make out extreme details, but he could vividly picture the way your body moved, your thighs, stomach and breasts, all of you bouncing, jiggling softly as you dried off.

With a pump of the lotion bottle, his palm was slick and quickly attending to his cock, which twitched in a desperate plea for him to notice it and take care of the strenuous tension held within. To do what he had set out to, finally. His own private show. Leaning back in the chair, he kept his eyes focused on the screen as best as he could, fighting the urge to close them in pleasure as he jerked himself, slow but rough movements that forced the foreskin down over his reddened and sensitive head.

Eddie’s eyes were wide as he watched you wandering around your room, still naked. It felt like you knew he was watching and were doing this for him. Why weren’t you dressed yet? He felt his heart sink, though, when you bent down to the bottom drawer, knowing he was about to lose the visual of you, so speeding up his movements around his cock. But instead of clothes, you produced something long, a cable dangling from it. And it didn’t take much of Eddie’s immense brain power to figure out what it was you were about to do.

Breath held in his lungs, he watched you walk to the other side of the bed, holding the plug in one hand. And he watched you disappear out of frame, only the top of your head visible at the angle you lay on. He hadn’t accounted for that at all. Maybe he should have checked where the free sockets in your bedroom were, but how could he possibly have known he was potentially to be treated to watching you touch yourself. Furious at his lack of foresight, and not wanting to tease himself any further, he switched off his laptop and went to sulk in his bed, dick softening almost immediately. He'd have to go back, tomorrow. It was risky, but he needed to see you. He needed it.

In the morning, Eddie was still just as irritated as he had been all night. He’d barely slept, body twitching in rage, stomach knotted at the denial of his orgasm since he went to bed to when he decided it was a reasonable time to give up trying to even get fifteen minutes of sleep in. He lazily dressed himself and went to sit on his sofa, counting the minutes until he felt it wouldn’t be too risky to leave his apartment and head to yours.

This time, as he walked past the people on the street, he didn’t feel like he was co-existing with them. It was back to normal. He was ignored. Most likely because they could sense his shame. Able to taste his humiliation and defeat on their tongues as his scent wafted past them. They knew he was worthless, and useless, and pathetic. He couldn’t even stalk someone right. How is it possible to be bad at crime? That’s what they’d think. And he’d have to nod and smile and agree and take their cruel words. It was the punishment he deserved.

Not for a single moment did he consider the irony in his deep Catholic guilt-ridden brain that he was on his way to provide himself with a pleasurable experience. Eddie was smart, but he wasn’t entirely self-aware. It was something that occasionally occurred to him, but never long enough that it drew his attentions away from what he deemed to be his more important thoughts. And right now, more so than his deeply troubling efforts to chastise himself through the lens of society, he was focused on finally achieving his goal. He’d see you, have you in his mind, on his screen. You’d be there for his entertainment, he was going to get what he wanted.

At your door, he paused for a moment, taking a deep breath and listening quietly with his ear against the wood to make sure you weren’t somehow at home. Nothing, just the tinny echoes of your neighbours gently echoing down the hallway and through the thin walls of the apartment building. So he took out his key and entered. It was nerve-wracking. He was less prepared today. Despite having already done this once, it wasn’t any easier. And he hadn’t given himself time to think of a plan at all. He knew he had to get in and change the camera angle in the bedroom, maybe try and check the one in the shower, although he might just have to remove it completely, to risk the evidence being found when it hadn’t even been of any use in the first place. That would be just his luck.

So that was his first stop. Back into your bathroom, where he could still smell your deodorant and perfume, the sweet air hanging there like a memory of you. He inhaled deeply, not even realising he was doing it, as he removed his shoes once more to stand in the tub. And with that first unpleasant task out the way, a reminder of how close he had been to seeing you fully naked for his own sordid enjoyment, he got his shoes back on and headed to the bedroom. Eddie stopped at the door though, almost as though he were scared to enter. He knew it was silly, he’d been there literally the day before, but now it felt even more like an invasion of your privacy.

It was because you touched yourself. He had imagined you did, quite frequently actually. It was one of his favourite fantasies to play over in his head. But to get to see a glimpse of you getting ready to actually do it? It made the bedroom intimidating. What use was he in your life if you were so used to pleasuring yourself? He felt threatened, intimidated. And for the briefest of moments he considered leaving your apartment and going home empty handed, happy to leave the other camera in your bedroom and hope you never found it, or blamed your landlord if you ever did.

But, feeling defiant, and like he was owed this luxury if you were never going to be satisfied with him physically, he opened the door and stood over the threshold, taking in the surroundings. Your bed wasn’t made, you must have been running late this morning. The thought sent a shiver down his spine, the idea of bumping into you, or entering while you were still there. It was terrifying to think he could make a mistake and end up being caught out. There was no point worrying though, he was here now, and you were gone. His heart stopped when he noticed the bedside table though, covered in energy drinks and a packet of aspirin. You were sick. And yet, you’d still gone out to work? He smiled as he considered how brave and determined you were, his chest in pain as he wished you had told him. He could have looked after you. Or did you not need him for that either?

Why were you like this? You weren’t completely stupid. You must have known, must have realised, that you had an effect on him. That this teasing, making him want you but flaunting the fact you didn’t need him, it was driving him mad. He could feel his mouth turning down, a scowl on his brows as he felt his fists clench in anger.

And then the door opened. And his heart stopped for at least five seconds. Unable to breathe or move or think as he heard your voice, speaking to someone, on the phone he guessed given the lack of another voice.

“Yeah… I just figured- no I’m ok, really. But there was no point in suffering through work with this headache. I really need more sleep. And besides, Eddie wasn’t there, so there wasn’t much point in hanging around… I just hope he doesn’t come looking for me after work… Stop it! So what if I do… You don’t know him… Ok, ok shut up! I’m going to go for a nap. Love you!”

He listened with baited breath as you made your way further into your apartment, knowing you weren’t likely to have a nap on the couch when your comfortable bed was right in the other room. The room he was currently in.

In a panic, his eyes darted around him looking for a space to hide. There was no point in trying to think of excuses, that was a plan flawed from the beginning. He could never face you and try to make you believe whatever story he concocted on the spot. It would be entirely unbelievable, and then everything would be ruined. His efforts. His relationship with you. His life. Everything. So instead, he focused on concealing himself, just until you were asleep, or maybe until you left again. As he searched the room for a good hiding spot, his fingers drifted idly over the pen knife he held in his pocket.

It was a ridiculous notion. But he had to give himself credit. Maybe it would make a good final option. Scorched earth. Commit to it completely. Everything was already well and truly fucked, he might as well save himself the embarrassment. But was he really considering doing that? Getting rid of you? To save himself from a little bit of embarrassment. The least he could do was attempt to hide first. He couldn’t jump to quickly to an action that was so irreversible.

The bed? But what if you reached under it for something, or saw his reflection in the mirror. What if when you lay down on it, the mattress sunk and suffocated him? Behind the dresser? But then he would have to crouch in that corner, and it was doubtful there was space for him. Plus, you were going to walk through that door any second, and he wouldn’t be able to get in there in time.

From the hallway, he could hear you shuffling with your bags and keys, opening the fridge for a snack to bring through with you no doubt. He backed into the wall, somehow hoping that he might be able to camouflage into it, or press himself through it if he forced it hard enough. Luckily, he didn’t have to think anything much stupider than that for any longer, because he realised he had been standing in front of your closet. The slatted wooden doors creaked as he nudged them, and he scrunched his eyes up, cursing himself. You were likely going to open it, but it was his last resort, as he could hear your footsteps closing in. So, as quickly and as quietly as he could, he opened the door and stepped in, standing in the surprisingly open space and holding his breath so you wouldn’t hear him.

And then you were there. Standing in the room, right in front of him. Likely able to smell him, to sense him. But you didn’t, and he was so thankful for it he could almost feel tears of gratitude welling in his eyes. He moved back as you walked past the closet doors, trying to make himself as flat as possible, to hide in the shadows. His view of you was slightly obscured then, but he could make out the vague movements of you traipsing around your room. You kicked off your shoes and aimed them at the closet, the sudden bang causing his heart to leap into his throat, and his gut to twist, feeling like he had taken a hit to it. In a bid to not be caught off guard like that again, he moved forward, closer to the doors, where he could peer through the slats. He was certain that at the angle, you wouldn’t be able to see him. Luckily, whether or not that was true, there were other things on your mind that would surely distract you from any chance of noticing Eddie.

He watched in awe as you began to undress, shifting your pants down and removing your top layers until you were just in your underwear. And then, mercifully, and much to Eddie’s amusement, you removed those too. You stood, completely naked, in front of him. It felt to him like he must have been hallucinating, or that you must know he was in there. It was too perfect. The full display, the way you moved, bending over and strutting in front of his line of vision. But this was all too real, and the threat of being caught held him back from ecstasy. It grounded him. It kept him in reality, the truth of which was that he was risking everything being there and watching you.

Eddie tried to swallow the lump in his throat, his nerves catching up to him. There was an immense amount of guilt flooding his brain, his every sense consumed by it. He wondered if he really should close his eyes. It was already disrespectful of him to have broken in, to have watched you, to have seen you undress. Now, he wasn’t even looking in observation to prevent being caught. This was all pleasure. Pure, unadulterated, but disgusting. He was so ashamed, so horrified by himself, by the way he could feel his cock stiffening, head scratching against the front of his pants, his fingers twitching as they reached for it. He palmed it over the fabric, clenching his teeth as he felt the sting of pleasure, the horror of what he was doing, and the way it made him feel bad. Naughty. Excited.

Of course he shouldn’t be doing this. But it was too late. He was here now. And he reasoned with himself that it was meant to be. Nobody was handed an opportunity like this, let alone him. Someone up there, the God he was so afraid of perhaps, was gifting him joy. A treat, a reward, for the suffering he’d endured up until this point.

As though the universe were trying to convince him of this notion, Eddie noticed that you were reaching in the drawer where he knew you kept the vibrator. The one he had watched in expectant joy as you produced it the night before, when the show was cut short. Now he had a front row seat. Nothing was going to stop him from taking advantage of that.

Through the small slits, his nose pressed up against it as he tried to get as close as possible, Eddie watched you as you lay back on the bed, reminding him of the paintings of the beautiful women at the art museums, the ones that looked soft enough that they might taste like marshmallows, or a slightly undercooked pancake. He was drooling at the thought, not hungry, just desperate to taste you. He let out a soft moan as he watched you flick the power button and bring the vibrating head of the wand up your thigh. Luckily, you hadn’t heard. He imagined you might not be able to over the sound. It was so loud, so permanent. He’d remember it as long as he lived.

When the vibrator teased your lips, you bit your lip, throwing your head back at the touch. Eddie tried to commit the image to memory. He wanted it to be the last thing he ever saw. He could have died happily standing in your closet in that moment, that was until you really started to enjoy yourself. Pressing it hard at the top, the pulsing movements against your clit made you moan, your free hand clinging to the sheets below you. As you sank lower onto the bed, you shifted your hips, spreading your legs wider and allowing Eddie a full view of your already slick and dripping cunt.

Quietly as he could, he inhaled deeply through his nose, desperate to see if he could smell you from his hiding spot, and was enraged to find out he couldn’t. But he was instantly distracted by the sight of you, bringing your free hand away from the sheets and to your breasts, holding them, fingers digging into the ample flesh as you squeezed and grabbed. He was unaware that his own hands were copying the motions, imagining how you might feel in his palm.

Bringing your fingers to your nipples, he watched as you pulled and teased at them, moaning louder. It excited him, to realise you were into a little bit of pain. Maybe you would let him bite you, wrap his mouth around your breasts, let his tongue flit over your hard nipples before he held them in his teeth until you couldn’t take it anymore, pulling at his hair to get him to stop. Pushing his head away and dragging him back in for more, because you found his touch irresistible.

Suddenly stopped in his tracks, Eddie felt a pang of guilt. As though his imagination had gone too far, his fantasy dropping to the floor and shattering, the shards of it reflecting his face looking back up at himself, ashamed of what he was doing. He was pathetic. For the remainder of your session, he resolved not to look. He’d even try his best not to listen. But that resolve was shattered the moment you moved from moans to a mumble, and started speaking.

“Mmm… yes… oh god, yes…”

Your voice was sweet, lower than usual, he could feel the hum behind it vibrating in his chest. Something about it, the way you verbalised your gratitude to your own ministrations, he could feel the effect it had on him as his cock twitched, painful now in it’s erect state, desperately begging for him to grab a hold of it and provide some relief. But there was no way he could do it discreetly, or quietly, not in the state he was in, and certainly not when he heard your next words.

“Oh… yes… oh, Eddie… oh my god, Eddie…”

Briefly, he tried to convince himself that there was another Eddie in your life. That he wasn’t the object of your illicit affections right at that moment. He couldn’t believe it was possible, that you were there in the throes of pleasure, only getting off to the idea that it was him touching you.

Would it be so bad? Would it destroy everything if he came out of the closet then and there, and offered to help you. He tried to think of how he would phrase it, suave and dreamlike perhaps.

“Don’t worry, baby. I’m here to lend a hand.”

No, that sounded like a bad porno.

“What a coincidence, I’m right here!”

Made him sound like a fucking magician.

There was no right way to do it, so instead he stayed perfectly still, his heart in his chest and his cock so hard it hurt, threatening to cum inside his pants at the mere mention of his name crossing your lips, trying hard to stop thinking of his cock head crossing them too.

In a surprisingly short time, which he attributed to the inclusion of himself in your fantasies, you were cumming, screaming his name as you shuddered on the bed, hands all over yourself, likely thinking they were his. He made mental notes of the way you touched and grabbed, hoping for the opportunity to put what he learned into practice someday. He delighted quietly in the way you tossed down the wand and rolled over in bed, still naked, your slick on your thighs and over your cunt. It was delightfully filthy, and he couldn’t help but picture his arms around you, his knee between your thighs, feeling your arousal coating his skin, the scent of sex lingering throughout the night. Or would you let him fall asleep with his cock deep inside of you, warming it in your body as you both slept. There would be time to find out. Right now, he needed to figure out how to get out of your apartment.

His legs were beginning to get sore from standing so still, and he shuffled stealthily from one foot to the other, trying desperately to keep the blood flow moving and to prevent himself from toppling over when it came time to leave. Thankfully, within twenty minutes, you had fallen asleep, your breathing deep and slow, soft moans as you exhaled. Deciding it was now or never, Eddie pushed open the closet door slowly, and stepped back out into your room. The early afternoon sun was beating down hard, filling the room with light. He didn’t feel secure. He felt obvious, stupid. On display for anyone to see. But in terms of practicality, he was grateful for it, as he was able to manoeuvre himself easily towards the door, stepping over the various pieces of clothing you had discarded.

But he lingered for a moment, turning back to take another look at you. Without the slats obscuring his vision you looked even more ethereal. And tempting. He knew it was risky, but it seemed worth it, to traverse your floor and make it over to you, just for a closer inspection at everything you were offering to him in your nude repose.

The closer he got to you, the more intoxicating you became. Your scent, your aura, the sounds you made, it took everything in him not to scream, or to whimper, or to burst into tears. Everything he had wanted lay right in front of him, ripe for the taking. And he’d be a fool not to take even at least a little bit. So he stretched his hand out, placing his palm slowly and lightly on your side, letting it linger there, still, before he drew it down along your waist to your thigh where he let his fingers drift up and down slowly, listening to your soft moans, his own choking in his throat as he kept his eyes focused on your face. He had to make sure that if you woke up he could… he wasn’t really sure what he would do. But it would be better than turning around to find that you had been watching him. Occasionally though, his vision dropped to your breasts, and his fingers, twitching feverishly, left your thigh to graze over your nipples, which were hard in the cool air of your room. You let a soft moan escape past your plump, open lips, and he could feel himself losing control. There was little to no hope of him being able to walk home in this state, and he had very few options available to him. So, deciding he’d already gone this far, he removed his hands from your body and eased his pants down, not bothering to unbutton or unzip them.

His cock bobbed freely as it was released, and Eddie was so thankful to have it no longer pressing against the front of his pants so tightly. He rubbed it with his palm, holding it down and letting it bound back up, biting his lip as he positioned himself directly in front of you, where he could line up his vision to where his cock head was in front of your mouth. It would make it easier for him to imagine you opening your lips, sticking your tongue out, ready to receive him.

Rubbing his cock languidly, he let his thumb drift over the head when he reached the top. Feeling the sticky drips of precum, he realised he would need something to clean up with. Looking around the room, his eyes fell to your panties, the ones you had only removed less than an hour ago. He bent slowly, picking them up and bringing them first to his face. Inhaling deeply, he let a soft whimper escape as your scent lingered on his senses. He clutched them, covering his nose and mouth, breathing deep a few more times before he placed his hand in them and dragged them up his length.

Your touch, that was what he imagined. Your own hand, caressing him, stroking his chest as you gripped his cock, tapping it against your lip and tongue before you swallowed it down. Your mouth would be warm. Your hands would be soft. Your thighs would be comforting as they wrapped around him, holding him into you as he… touched you… no… fucked you. He would fuck you. You’d sink into him and he’d make you moan his name like before. Make you scream it, beg for him, ask him for more as soon as he was finished. He’d tell you that you felt good, that you had a pretty little cunt, that you were made for him.

He could feel his heart rate rising, his teeth biting hard on his lip as his movements became more visceral. His breath shuddered as he picked up the pace. He could feel you on his skin, taste you on his tongue. And if he just reached out, if he just took this one step further, over the precipice, beyond where he could come back from… But it wasn’t worth it. The suspense would feel better. The punishment, denying himself that would mean it would be so much sweeter when you offered yourself to him, consciously, with full consent.

As he pumped at his stiff cock, he let his other hand fall to your cheek, stroking it softly. He was aware that the rest of your body was there, ready to be groped and appreciated by his starving hands, but this felt tender. It felt like a connection between you both. He wanted you, he wanted your body, around him and on him, but he wanted you to feel appreciated. And when he really considered it, that was what everything he had done so far boiled down to.

He just wanted to show you how much he loved you. Appreciated you. Wanted you.

You would know soon enough, he could feel that certainty in his bones, in the way his body tensed and tightened, teeth clenched as he strained his whole jaw, trying not to make any noise as he came, his warm cum painting the panties, the fabric catching it all and preventing him from being caught.

Standing still, cheeks flushed with shame and pride, an odd mix even for someone like him, tainted with copious amounts of Catholic guilt, he felt his knees buckling slightly. Trying to keep himself upright, his body convulsed once more, and again, and he realised he was still cumming. His cock, throbbing in his hand, throat catching on the whining yelps that begged to be let free. But he swallowed, them, pushing his fist to the base of his cock and slowly jerking it, trying to finish himself off, which eventually he mercifully seemed to achieve.

Shakily, he tried to control his breathing. He managed to calm himself enough to walk backwards, softening cock in his hands, still out, as he made his way to the hallway of your apartment. Out there, the light lightly dimmer, he felt calmer, more concealed. Wiping the remnants of his cum from himself, he scrunched the panties into a ball and put them in his pocket. It would be risky to take them, but he could hardly leave them. He hoped you might just assume they’d been kicked under a dresser. Maybe you’d tell him about it, and he’d have to keep his face from smiling at this little secret he had afforded himself.

He kept his hand around them as he made his way quietly out of your apartment, out of the building, and back on to the streets, even after the damp of his cum began to seep out and coat his palm. His only regret was that he wouldn’t be able to smell you on them. But having them felt like a reminder, like a trophy. And once he was back in his apartment he produced them once more, taking great care to look around him and make sure no one could see what he was doing, his paranoia getting the better of him. Placed on the coffee table, he thought about what he would do with them. Wash them. Use them again. It crossed his mind that it could be a good idea to get one of those toys, the ones shaped like… but it wouldn’t be shaped like you. A confused mix of miserable and hopeful, simultaneously consumed by the guilt his lust had cost him and the insurmountable pride he felt in knowing your thought of him, the way he thought of you. He had known you were meant for him. He was never wrong.

#finnie writes #riddler smut #fanfic #the riddler fanfic #riddler fanfic #riddler x reader #riddler x you #ridler scenario #dano riddler #dano!riddler #edward nashton #the riddler fanfiction #the riddler #paul dano #danonation

[theboarsbride]

"A Court of Thorns and Roses" Reading Update I

Page 101 - 24%

So, some major notes so far:

-I refuse to believe SJM knows how to write poor people. I refuse to believe that Feyre's family has been poor for a decade. How tf can the sisters be so dainty and act so oblivious and bitchy about work for survival after NEARLY 10 YEARS OF ECONOMIC DESTITUTION???????Just their mentalities, how they react to being poor, how they treat their belongings, how they treat their food, how they handle their money, etc. doesn't really line up.

-I can't stand SJM's writing style. SO MANY MF EM DASHES HOLY FUCK AND THEYRE IN PLACES WHERE THEY'RE UNNECESSARY. And also she reuses the same sentence structure, and it bothers meeeeee. (ex.- i was going to the bathroom, which was white and clean and shining. Then, I went to school, a place that was dull and bland and boring.) Like jfc. I wholeheartedly believe the conspiracy that no one actually edits SJM's book because good LORD.

- Feyre is dumb and deserves death. Like the instance with the Pooka. She suddenly sees her crippled father on Tamlin's land in Prythian in the middle of the night??? Given the wary hostility and aggression and distrust she's been displaying towards everyone and everything so far in Prythian, why isn't she doing the same in this instance???? She's said herself she is wary of faerie tricks, and acknowledged that not even whole, able-bodied humans are able to survive in Prythian without the help of a faerie, so why would she think her DISABLED FATHER, who is helpless in the mortal realm, be any different??? And why would she CARE that her father has come for her??? Did she not hope that her family starves without her, so that they realize she's important to them and she holds them in such an embittered contempt?????

- I LOVE Lucien <3 I like this fox-boy, he is funny and actually treats Feyre like the murderer she is (because yes, she's a murderer, and takes PRIDE in having killed a faerie. Which Feyre has some nerve being hostile to faeries who have been nothing but courteous and gracious with her, and thinking THEY are in the wrong when she was the one that MURDERED their friend).

- why couldn't Tamlin remain more like his beast form, making this more of a BATB retelling? I literally imagine him looking like Legolas but JACKED. This is where my ire of 'BATB but the beast is just a hot guy that growls or has behavioral problems' first began. It's such a shallow version of the story and completely misses the point. And the fact that this is also a retelling of The Ballad of Tam-Lin, a Scottish folktale, and does really nothing that's an homage to the story aside from Tamlin's name, the fact he shape-shifts (albeit BARELY), and there's (poorly written) fae really irks me.

-for once I want SJM to actually describe paintings rather than describing what the painting is of. I don't believe for one minute that SJM did more research into art, style, etc. because for the life of me I couldn't tell you what Feyre's art style is, nor do I really care because her having painting as a hobby is so pointless and has no effect on her character whatsoever.

- SJM is lazy as fuck with her world building. ex.- Lucien saying capital 'h' Hell, as in Christian Hell, when humans are agnostic/atheist with a sparse number of fae-worshiping cults (and were once implied to have had a polytheistic religion) and fae worship the Cauldron and other faerie deities so like.....why not use a few extra braincells to create her own version of Hell rather than using lazy cultural shorthand that, by the logic of this book's world, doesn't work????; underutilizing fae lore so now they're either underdeveloped spectral entities or LOTR elves... BORINGGGG!! GIVE US ACTUAL FAE IN LITERATURE AGAIN!!!! (*applauds Heather Fawcett's Emily Wilde's Encyclopedia of Faeries and Krystal Sutherland's House of Hollow*)

These are my major thoughts for the first quarter of the book.... See y'all again at 50%!

#jojo reads #anti sjm #anti sarah j maas #anti acotar #anti feyre

[missvelvetsstuff]

Where you goin, Star?  

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Reader meets Bucky when the truck hauling her show horses breaks down as she is trying to leave for an event and he works for the mechanic. Passionate, secret love affair ensues. After a confrontation with her father, Bucky decides she deserves better than a poor biker like him and leaves town with his friends Steve and Sam.

Three years later, reader is trapped in an abusive relationship and about to give up hope of things ever improving, when Bucky comes back.

Chapter 10

Warnings: swearing, angst

The next morning Star spent 2 hours with the physical therapist, who gave her stretches and exercises she could use to build her strength back up.

Then she spent an hour with a nutritionist to help learn how to gain the weight she had lost, healthily.

Then a psychiatrist who specialised in addiction and PTSD.

Each one left her with a stack of papers and scheduled appointments for the coming week.

By the end of the day she was released from the hospital and taken in Tony's car to Stark Tower. Pepper showed her to a beautiful suite with a small kitchenette, fully stocked with healthy snacks and treats.

"You can make your own meals but we have a chef who can whip something up any time you need." Pepper smiled at her.

Star teared up. It had been so long since anyone even tried to be nice to her that she felt overwhelmed. Everything felt like too much. "Thank you Pepper. I think right now I could use some sleep."

Pepper gave her a gentle hug "Of course. There's a Stark phone on the desk with instructions included. It has the numbers you will need here. Me and Tony, the chef, the detectives. That sort of thing."

She showed Star the dresser and closet, filled with clothes.

"I guessed on your sizes but these will get you started and we can go shopping when you're up to it. Try to get some sleep and I'll see you tomorrow" and left Star alone with him.

Bucky sat on the couch in the living area "Do you want me to leave too? I don't wanna-"

"No, please stay" she blurted out then covered her mouth. "I'm sorry, I just don't want to be alone."

Bucky shook his head "You don't have to apologize to me, I'll be here as much or as little as you need.

I know that we need to have a talk but no pressure. I'll be here when you're ready. Do you want me to put my number in your phone? In case you need me?" He looked at her hopefully.

She handed him her phone. "I think I'm going to take a bath, wash that hospital smell off." And grabbed some pajamas.

The bath was wonderful, deep tub with jets and never seemed to run out of hot water. When she left the bathroom she saw Bucky dozing on the sofa so she gently laid a blanket over him and went to bed.

Star crashed hard but woke up in a cold sweat and ached all over, her head pounding. She shook her head, which made it ache more, and reminded herself that this was just part of the withdrawals and they will pass with time.

When Star was up to it a few days later the detectives and a couple of attorneys that Tony recommended came in to discuss her accusations against John, a divorce, her inheritance from her grandmother and her fathers fortunes. Everything was all intertwined.

The divorce papers were drawn up quickly and were very simple. The majority of John's possessions were in fact hers and she was giving him nothing since she had evidence of infidelity and abuse. She braced herself for the drama because she knew John wouldn't just walk away. The last 3 years with her father's money and connections had emboldened him. She was honestly surprised that he hadn't shown up already.

Star wasn't doing well emotionally. Going over the horrible things that John and Brock did to her was difficult and reliving it all was giving her nightmares.

Bucky held her hand through all of it, she really didn't have anyone else but the more she remembered the more questions she had for him. She wasn't up to dealing with that yet. While she felt safe in Stark tower she worried about her horses so Tony sent a security detail to keep them safe.

On the third day, after lunch, she received a text from Tony's bodyguard, Happy Hogan. John was downstairs in reception demanding to see her and Happy was asking what she wanted him to do. She called her attorneys to see if they could come in and when they both confirmed, had Happy tell John to come back in 2 hours, so she had time to eat, shower and wait for them to show up.

After her shower, Star looked through the closet to find something comfortable but not too casual. She found a short sleeved green wrap style dress and sandals, impressed at how perfectly the dress fit. She made herself a mental note to thank Pepper and compliment her eye for size and style.

Bucky had told her he had business with Tony, Steve and Sam today so wouldn't be around until the evening. She had gotten used to having him around all the time so felt a little exposed seeing John for the first time but she knew that Happy and Rhodey would keep her safe. She did send Bucky a text to let him know John was coming over.

When Happy knocked on her door she had been sitting on the couch, daydreaming about getting back to her horses and the life she wanted. None of her dreams gave her any insight on how or where Bucky would fit in all of it.

The knocking startled her out of her thoughts so she stood up, smoothed her dress down and took his arm as he escorted her down to the conference room where she saw Rhodey waiting. He gave her a quick hug and whispered reassurances in her ear.

Star took a deep breath and entered the room to see John sitting and Clint standing behind him. She wondered briefly where Brock and Jack had gone but was relieved they weren't there and figured John had fired them for letting her survive and get away from them.

John stood and smiled at her "Sweetheart I've been so worried about you" he reached towards her which made her flinch and Rhodey stepped up between her and John.

That pissed him off "Whats this about? I cant even get near my wife? What the fuck is this game, Y/N?"

Happy looked at him coldly "I already advised you of the conditions for this meeting. If you try to touch Ms Pierce again, you'll be escorted out of the building."

John tried to look loving but didn't have it in him "Ms Pierce? I don't understand. My wife has been missing for days and I just want to take her home."

"Why? So you can finish the job?" She spat at him then Star sat, with Happy on one side, Rhodey standing behind her and her attorneys on her other side.

John forehead wrinkled "Finish what job? I'm just glad you are safe and-"

"No thanks to you. Don't play innocent John. We all know what you've done. I was willing to let you walk away with your secrets but you had to try to hurt me even more."

Her lawyer, Jeri Hogarth stood up "Alright folks, lets get started here.

Mr Walker, I'm Jeri Hogarth and this is my associate Desmond Tobey. We've been hired by Ms Pierce to handle your divorce and her inheritance.

Did you receive the divorce settlement that was sent to your office?"

John nodded but before he could speak she continued.

"Good. Have you retained someone to represent you in the divorce?"

John shook his head "No one will be getting divorced here. I'm taking my wife home with me."

Y/N shook her head and chuckled.

John smirked at her evilly. "Now sweetheart, you know what happens if you divorce me. You'll lose everything. So let's go home and work this out."

Star scoffed "Work this out? You tried to kill me you bastard, there's nothing to work out."

John chuckled condescendingly "Honey, you know I would never hurt you. Your drug habit has gotten out of control and now you've brought all these other people into our personal problems, your delusions. You know how I feel about that."

Jeri interrupted "Mr Walker, unless you intend to sign the divorce settlement as is then you should hire an attorney to represent you."

John shook his head "Don't need one."

Jeri sighed "Very well then the notes from this meeting will indicate that you have declined representation at this time." She looked at her associate "Desmond"

Desmond Tobey stood "My client has indicated that the settlement as written is the only offer that she will make. If it has to go before a judge she will produce evidence of Mr Walker's infidelity and physical abuse. Meaning the media will soon have access to said evidence which will affect his current job." He looked John in the eyes "Do you understand that, Mr Walker? She is willing to air out all of your dirty laundry for the world to see. Based on what I have seen so far it would be enough to destroy your political ambitions and make finding any employment difficult."

"But her father wanted-"

Desmond cut him off "Mr Pierce is deceased and the allegations would affect the stipulations of your inheritance."

John looked at Y/N "Are you sure you wanna do that honey? Tell the whole world you're a drug addict?"

Y/N glared at him "I wouldn't have even taken any pain pills if Brock hadn't beat me until I miscarried, while you watched. I wouldn't have kept taking them if you hadn't worked so hard to make my life miserable. I've been clean for almost a week and have no desire to take them again. I wouldn't have overdosed if you hadn't had Brock drug me."

John shook his head "No honey, that's not what happened. Brock caught you when you fainted after taking too many pills and drinking alcohol on your lunch with Pepper." He looked to her attorneys "The drugs made her confused but I'm so glad you're getting clean, baby."

Jeri sighed "We have a syringe with traces of morphine and two sets of fingerprints one belonging to Brock Rumlow and the other Jack Rollins. Ms Pierce was drugged"

"I told Brock to take her to the house and meet our doctor. Brock must have done something after her left with her. I had a meeting with an important donor that I couldnt miss." He made himself tear up "He worked for her father and was her bodyguard for years. I thought I could trust him." He looked at Y/N "Baby I'm so sorry that I-"

Jeri cut him off "The NYPD picked Rumlow and Rollins up at a motel near the airport this morning. They had tickets to Rio. No extradition treaty with Brazil." She looked through some paperwork "Rumlow isn't talking but Rollins on the other hand. We'll just call him the Canary because he won't stop singing."

John laughed nervously, his face visibly paling "He's just making shit up to save his own ass."

Jeri nodded "I can see how one might think that, he has admitted to some heinous crimes but he has all kinds of proof. Claims he knew Rumlow couldn't be trusted and he wanted to cover his ass. Pictures, paperwork, recordings, it's pretty extensive."

Desmond spoke up again "Are you still sure you don't want to sign the settlement?"

John gulped loudly "I'm sure. I think you're bluffing. If you really had all that evidence then you would just arrest me."

Y/N sighed "I just wanted this over. I don't want to spend months dealing with divorce court and a criminal trial but if that's what it takes to be rid of you and keep what is rightfully mine, I'm in." She looked at Jeri "I think that's enough for today. I need to rest."

John stood and hit the table angrily "Absolutely not! Y/N you are my wife and are coming home with me. Today. Right fucking now! I don't know who you people think you are but you have no right to keep me from my wife." He reached for her but was slammed against the table, hands held behind his back before he knew what hit him.

Happy had to hold back a laugh as John started squirming and yelling for Rhodey to let him go. Clint stood back with his hands up, giving Y/N an apologetic look before quickly leaving.

Jeri looked at him squawking like a chicken and shook her head "Looks like we're done for today. Mr Walker, there are two NYPD detectives waiting outside of this room who will be taking you in to be booked. I would recommend you find an attorney asap. Tomorrow I'll be speaking to a judge about returning the Pierce inheritance and properties to Ms Pierce so if you do make bail you'll need to find a place to live quickly. If you have any questions, feel free to call me. After you get out, of course, I don't take collect calls, unless it's a client."

Y/N stayed where she was while John was handcuffed and read his rights. Someone had called the press so John's perpwalk would make it to the evening news.

Happy looked to her once John was on the elevator "You ok ma'am?" She looked at him and nodded "Lets get you back home then." He helped her up and they took the elevator up to the top floor.

When they entered her suite, Bucky was waiting at the table with take out for dinner. He looked at Happy questioningly, Happy nodded that she was ok, just shaken up and left her with Bucky.

Bucky smiled gently at her "Hey Star. I heard you had some company."

She grimaced "I knew I would have to see him again eventually but it still caught me off guard." Bucky helped her sit on the couch and sat across from her waiting for her to continue.

"John refused to sign the papers, insisted he did nothing wrong. Even when they told him that Rumlow and Rollins were arrested and Rollins is singing. He still seems to think my father will somehow protect him."

She sniffed "something smells good. Did you make dinner" and smirked at him.

Bucky feigned shock "Now Star, you know damn well I can't boil water on my own."

She giggled "I thought you might have learned something in 3 years. Poor Peggy having to feed all of you all this time."

Bucky shook his head "I'm afraid the only thing I learned was that I can't live without you."

She rolled her eyes "Yes, I'm sure you were terribly lonely. Even Dot wasn't enough to assuage your loneliness."

Bucky looked confused "Dot? Why would she be with me?"

Star shrugged "Beats me, she was with you when you came to my father's wake. Brock said you took her with you when you left town"

Bucky shook his head "We know how trustworthy Brock is. We stopped at the clubhouse the morning of the funeral, she was there and claimed she wanted to pay her respects and be there for me. First time I saw her since we left. I barely even noticed she was there."

Star rolled her eyes "I'm sure. It wasn't Dot that kept you away so long? Your letter said a year at most but you were gone 3 years."

She looked at him with tears in her eyes "I kept thinking you would come back and tell me it was a mistake. That you would save me. I thought you'd stop the wedding but you never did and I gave up."

Bucky reached out to hold her hand and was encouraged when she didn't pull away.  Tears forming in his eyes as he answered. "I meant to come back sooner, I just I just. Everything got all fucked up." He looked at the floor.

Star sat quietly as he composed himself. He finally looked back up at her. "I planned to be back sooner. I figured I'd get the Harley mechanic certificate and then take some business classes here.

When Wanda told Peggy about your engagement it hit me hard. I was almost convinced that you were better off with John. He had your fathers support and was on his way up. Steve and Sam talked me down after a week long bender, reminded me that it was your father telling me I wasn't good enough. Told me Brock probably hadn't had the chance to give my letter to you. I threw myself back into the classes and was really doing well.

Then you got married and it was all over the news, up and coming candidate and heiress marry, wedding of the year, fairytale romance and all the other bullshit the media put out.

I saw your wedding picture on the front of one of the tabloids. You looked so beautiful but your eyes still looked so sad. I felt like a failure. I left you to your father's devices and it was my fault you weren't happy. I told myself you had the letter but still chose John."

He stood and started pacing, running hus hand through his hair.

"I thought you deserved better than a man who ran away like I did. I knew that I would never deserve you again, could never be good enough. I dove into a bottle of Jack Daniels and refused to leave. For months I barely left the house except to the liquor store. Finally one day I saw some tv interview with John and lost it. Tore the house up, put my boot through the tv.

Peggy came home that night and that was it, Steve tossed me into the shower until I sobered up and read me the riot act. Told me that a violent, drunken asshole definitely didn't deserve you and I better get it together or I would lose the few friends I had. So I cleaned up, joined AA and haven't had more than a couple of drinks since." He paused for a breath "Ok full disclosure, I got a little drunk after I tried to talk to you at your stable. I went to your parents house to confront you and Brock but John's car was there and Nick showed up to stop me. He bought me a couple of drinks after that."

"I'm so sorry, Star. I failed you so many times that I'll understand if you can't forgive me." He sat back down and took her hands "I didn't know what to do. When I met you I was sure I'd never be able to settle down. I figured any real relationships I tried were doomed to repeat my parents history. Dad in jail and mom forever alone because she couldn't bear another heartbreak.

You just blew me away with your free spirit and how you loved me so easily regardless of the fact that I was a dirt poor biker who couldn't afford his own apartment. The world felt brighter when I was with you. I thought we had a real chance.

Then we came home to your dad and I felt like he was reality showing me how impossible we were. I tried to stay hopeful that I could make myself good enough for you but obviously didn't do a great job.

I know now that I will never be good enough in some people's eyes including my own but I'm gonna try. I realized that the only opinion I care about is yours. If you think I'm good enough then I will keep trying to be. I don't want to live without you again, even if we're only friends. I haven't touched anyone else since you and I meant it when I said you're it for me. I love you, Star and I'll spend the rest of my life showing you how much. If you let me."

@pattiemac1

Before Star could respond they were startled by loud banging on the door.

Chapter 11

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #james bucky barnes x reader #james bucky barnes #bucky barnes x you #angst with a happy ending #biker bucky

[siennahrobek]

why don't you like rings of power?

I have a billion reasons why and no one could do anything to make me watch it. I love Tolkien, I love the books. I’m not even a Tolkien purist because I even like the LotR movie trilogy. But I will keep this short because even me thinking about this makes me pissed off.

- NONE of the characters actually…are like they are supposed to be

- Half of them don’t even look like they are supposed to

- Elves with short hair?!

- The absolute rejection of Christian themes (I don’t care what you say about Christianity, Tolkien was a christian and his work is fundamentally christian with faith, brotherhood and sacrificial love)

- Amazon is literally using Tolkien’s name to garner money/attention with no care for the source material

-all I have heard from the actors is activism

- There is no respect to Tolkien’s name, legacy or work “because he is dead and they can do what they want”

- They have ENTIRELY destroyed Galadriel’s character. As someone who owns nearly all Tolkien’s books/works and has read a lot, she is NOT like this

-Jackson’s trilogy was made by independent film makers that were not in it for accolades, recognition or profit. They were invested from love of the craft. Not only did they give reasons for the changes they made, but they also apologized for it, trying to do their best. Amazon has literally not only made all of their advertising content around activism and politics, they are putting it on everything, carefully drumming up ads that are misleading about numbers and restricting/deleting reviews that are not favorable to them.

- That’s not Elrond

-Pretty sure there weren’t any hobbits in the second age (although I may be a little off, it’s been a bit since I’ve read)

- The costumes and attire are awful.

- Elrond and Galadriel are in laws not besties or whatever the heck they are trying to do with them

- Literally everything about Galadriel makes me hurt because she is a powerful political leader, she is proud and respected. In this…whatever this is, she can’t control her own subordinates, they treat her with ridiculous disrespect, she is condescended by Elrond (they are doing him so dirty and I love him sobs) and she is dismissed and rebuked. She is literally NOTHING like how she is supposed to be. There may be some inconsistencies in Galadriel’s long history but nothing ever suggests this much powerlessness and humiliation. She is literally being disempowered in favor of “oooohhh she can carry a sword” bs. She is powerful and amazing and great and they reduced her to THIS

- There is probably a million more things just from looking at the trailers and teasers and stills and hearing from others - both those who like it and those who don’t.

Frankly, they should have left Tolkien’s work alone. People have messed with and done plenty with older works; Star Trek, Harry Potter, Star Wars, etc. but Tolkien, as probably one of the most well known father’s of what we think is fantasy, they should have just changed some names and made their own original series than banking off of Tolkien and his work.

Do you think it is a coincidence they made this a mere 2 years after Christopher Tolkien died?

#I’m not going to tag except anti #I have never been more upset with creators in my life because this is…. this is Tolkien we are talking about. #Stop messing around with him and his work #anti rings of power #also please don't comment trying to start a fight #i literally don't care i was just answering a question #go start a fight somewhere else

[xojinnie]

callback

SELF-PARA ; jinnie calls her father back with an answer.

     it had been a while since that dreaded conversation and jinnie had spent most of it not knowing what to do. shouldn’t it be easy to tell her appa no ? he didn’t have a right to ask her for anything. he’d left her and their family high and dry nearly two decades ago. they struggled because of his choices. it wasn’t fair that he got to pretend like none of that happened. still, she never did well with telling people no — even when they deserved one. her empathy often times made her too complacent. depending on who was judging her, her kindness could be seen as a strength or a weakness.

     her hands trembled as she dialed back the unfamiliar number, exhaling sharply as the phone began to ring. no amount of rehearsal could prepare her for this conversation. even after talks with her family and loved ones over what to do, the brunette wasn’t sure what words would end up spilling out of her mouth once her father answered the—

     “ yunjin-ah. you finally called back. ”

     jinnie’s grip tightened on the phone, trying to contest with the sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. her father’s voice should fill her with joy but instead, a gnawing anxiety chewed away at her on the inside. 

     “  yes, appa. ”

     “ good. i knew you wouldn’t abandon me. ”

    the word abandon made her flinch. is that what she was doing if she gave the man the answer she really wanted to give him ? would he really see it as forsaking him ? for a moment, she was at a lost for words, all too afraid to speak and say the wrong thing. jinnie didn’t want to hurt anyone, especially her own father. but a part of her kept nagging away that what would really be hurting him would be to enable his behavior without consequences.

     “ i’d never abandon you. ” her voice cracked on the short sentence. if she spoke for too long, she felt like she was going to cry.

     “ of course you wouldn’t. my little sunflower. always the sweetest of us all. your brother and sister could learn from you. ”

     jinnie bristled at that. she would accept attacks on her character with a bow of her head, but it upset her way more coming towards her loved ones. jihoon and sunhi didn’t have a single thing to learn from her. if anything, she had been the one who always learned from them: how to treat others with respect, how to survive in school, how to stand up for herself. . .

    ( she hardly ever abided by the last one. she’d always been too afraid to. but there was always a first time for everything. )

     “ i’ve decided. . . to not give you the money. ” jinnie breathed out.

     the silence that followed was so chilling. she had to glance at the screen to make sure her father hadn’t hung up. he hadn’t. but for one solid minute, he didn’t utter a word. she’d never done well with too much quiet. the urge to fill it with words, laughter, anything took over her. 

     “ are you still there ? ” he’d asked her that once before, and now it was her turn.

     no response came, and that only made her more anxious.

     “ i-i just don’t feel comfortable doing so. ” he said he was sick, but her family reminded her that he was a habitual liar. he’d never gotten help for his gambling addiction or need for alcohol. it was too much of a risk to give him that kind of money. especially when her father had the tendency to do more harm then help to himself. “ please understand, appa. ”

     still, no words were spoken. jinnie blinked back tears, chest tightening the more the silence went on. she was finding it harder to breathe.

     “ i’m sorry. ” why are you apologizing ? you did nothing wrong. that would have been the response if this was one of her loved ones on the phone. it wasn’t, though. her father was a practical stranger to her. jinnie doubted if he knew anything about her. he didn’t know her favorite meal or what movie she watched when she was sad. he wasn’t aware of her sensitivities and discomforts. she wanted him to know. god, she wished for that more than anything. however, the truth was clear in that moment. . . he’d left before he could ever understand her.

     he’d abandoned her. not the other way around.

     “ maybe we should get together to talk properly. this doesn’t feel right to do over the phone— ”

     click. 

     the phone was lowered from her ear, wide sad eyes staring down at her lock screen in disbelief. him hanging up on her felt so abrupt, like it couldn’t be the end. almost immediately, jinnie dialed his number back. the continuous ringing droned on and on in her ear like sinister music. all she wanted was to hear his voice again, even if it was just to scold her. but she simply got an automated voicemail message.

     so, she hung up and tried again. and again and again. five times, jinnie dialed her father’s number back, listening to the same monotonous ringing and robotic voice with tears in her eyes. each time, she felt more and more desperate to get ahold of him but no answer ever came. the man had seemingly disappeared out of her life just as easily as he’d reentered. it shouldn’t have shocked her, or hurt her as much as she did — but she wouldn’t have been her if she didn’t feel the depths of her emotions.

     in that moment, jinnie felt the same as she did when she was four years old. waiting at the door for her father to return. 

     of course, he never did.

     and now as she listened to the phone ring on and on, jinnie realized that he never really would.

#꒰ ♡ ꒱ self para ╱ jinnie ◞ #proud of her but also :((((((

[jungle321jungle]

As Honest As The Day Is Long: Part Two

The sequel to Ask No Questions (I’ll Tell No Lies)

It had been two years since Janus had met his soulmate, who had conveniently been the man who had tried to arrest him. Tried. But it seems Logan had kept himself busy during their time apart, and so unfortunately had Remy. The club owner who was clearly far more dangerous than anyone could have anticipated.

So when his soulmate comes begging for help to save his soulmate, Janus doesn't say no. But, at the very least he’s going to get Logan’s number this time.

Ao3 - Masterlist - All Parts

~~~~

Part Two

Janus had gotten over and gotten through many things in his life.

As a child he had endured his mother’s death, and gotten through his father’s depression. He had gotten over his father dating again. He had gotten over his father’s marriage, and gotten through his new stepmother. He had gotten through the snickers others gave at his new working mother and his stay at home father. He had gotten over the way his stepmother tried too hard to be his parent. He had gotten over how even now she still treated him like a child, and he had gotten through her talking down to other people. He had bit his tongue and gotten through his stepmother’s condescending tone as she would look down her nose to those she deemed beneath her. He had gotten over and gotten through this woman he had come to love- but he’d never forgive her.

He had been twelve when he had realized how vast the differences between the two of them were. Sure he had seen the differences before- the physical ones. He had gone from a small home, to a mansion full of servants. He had gone from nothing to getting anything and everything he wanted as long as he forced himself into the model son mold. He had seen how he had gone from cheap food and clothes to lavish dinners and custom suits. He had experienced the physical differences- but when he was twelve he realized how deep the chasm between him and his step mother was.

It was shouting which had drawn him out his room and down the stairs, it was curiosity which had pulled him to watch, and it was shock that had kept him frozen in place.

She was there- screaming and yelling at the top of her lungs at a housekeeper who was comforting her crying son beside her. Janus knew the boy. He had seen him hiding in the corners of large rooms making himself scarce so as not to give away his presence. Janus had tried to talk to him- to learn his name but the boy was a quiet one. He would shake or nod his head and nothing more, and he’d try to make any “conversation” as short as possible. Given the boy’s smaller size Janus had assumed he was younger, and earlier that day Janus had chosen to give him an old toy... the very toy Janus’s step mother held in her hands as she screamed. From her lips spilled so many insults and curses at the two, and the kindest one had been “thief”. She had made a spectacle of the two. She had yelled at the housekeeper to strip and empty her pockets because if her “disgrace of a child” stole that meant she must have as well.

Janus had inserted himself before he had even realized. He had told his stepmother quickly that he had given the toy away, but it did nothing to phase her anger. Rather she pursed her lips and she leaned down to look him in the eye, “People like them will always try to use you Janus. Don’t fall for it next time.”

Before he could even speak she had turned and her heels were clicking down the hall as she walked off leaving only a “You’re fired” to hang in the air as she left.

Janus had seen the physical differences between his step mother and himself, but what he hadn’t seen were her beliefs. That she truly believed she was naturally better than those who were working hard for their money as opposed to being born in it- as if Janus’ father hadn’t been a mechanic and his birth mother a cashier- as if he had been born into this life. The abyss between the two of them was large and ever stretching- so he’d never forgive her.

But then again, she never seemed to notice.

~~~~

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Janus asked, interrupting  his own story to glance at Logan (and he was able to watch the other man roll hsi eyes before he had to look back at the road).

“I had asked you why you began to steal. That was an explanation of why you don’t like your family,” Logan complained.

“It’s called context, I’m getting to that. And when I did say I don’t like my family? I may not like how she treats people, but there are many things about her I do like.”

“Like her money?”

“That is a hard one not to like,” Janus hummed. “But at this point I’ve made enough myself to afford the lifestyle I enjoy.”

“Then why do you keep doing it?”

“I actually give away a big portion of what I make.”

“Isn’t that just to avoid people noticing large and sudden increases in money? And all the taxes? You can keep a reasonable portion to go with the story of whatever you tell your family your job is, and then hiding the rest in charities and offshore accounts keeps you set for a rainy day.”

Janus gave a frown as he caught Logan’s gaze. “Is that what you think of me? I’ve never done this for the money. It’s all about taking those people who think they are so far above us mortals- and then slamming their faces into the mud. If I just wanted money I could do a whole lot less work to get it. I don’t want money Logan, I want humiliation.”

Logan didn’t reply at first, rather he tapped on his knee with a few fingers while the other hand was pressed against his lips as he thought. “That's why you switched methods. Not because we were getting closer in tracking you, but because you found that selling information caused more harm than stealing prized things. Also in this manner, you could have more victims at once.” It wasn’t phrased as a question. Logan said it as if it was fact, because he was good enough at his job to know how Janus worked without asking for confirmation. “So, you learned to hate how they acted from your stepmother, that I understand. But how did you actively get into stealing?”

“If you hadn’t interrupted me, you would have the answer by now.”

Logan made a noise of annoyance into a sip of his coffee, but said nothing more, allowing Janus to continue. “I was in college...”

~~~~

He gave a sigh of relief as he stared at his passed out friend. Dragging the drunk guy up two flights of stairs had been no easy feat, and now after finally dropping him in that bed Janus resisted the urge to sleep himself. But soon enough the end of classes would be upon him and the start of finals would begin, so he would need to enjoy himself as much as he could beforehand. He left the room and flagged down a servant to keep an eye on his drunken friend before he proceeded back downstairs to the party. The music was loud, and the drinks seemed to be flowing even faster than when he had left a few minutes ago, so he silently vowed not to let himself be talked into dragging the next person upstairs.

He rejoined his group of friends seamlessly and helped himself to another round, ready to enjoy the night- but one wrong step back cued the feeling of liquid dripping down his back. He turned quickly to find the apologetic face of a servant before the young man began giving quick apologies. “I’m so sorry sir! I didn't mean- I-I I’ll clean it up!” His eyes darted around a bit as Janus assured him it was fine, but he didn't seem to hear as he pulled the towel from his apron that he must've been cleaning with and began to pat Janus’ back dry.

“It's fine,” Janus told him again.

“But- Oh I got it on your arm!” He cried worriedly and began to pat down Janus’ arm and hand. “Wait no! This is dirty let me get-”

“It's okay!” Janus told him a bit more forcefully. “I can go upstairs and change.” So much for not leaving the party again. He gave a sigh as he took the stairs with effort, but once he had reached the landing between the second and third floors he froze. While Janus was known to drink enough at times that the details became hazy-

~~~~

“You really shouldn’t drink that much.”

“It was years ago,” Janus said, rolling his eyes. “I don't drink like that now, as much as I wish I could.”

“You wish to be an alcoholic?”

“I wish to not get bad hangovers. Now can I finish?”

~~~~

He wasn’t known to hallucinate things. Much less something as specific as someone climbing out the window with a bag of something shiny that looked suspiciously like jewelry.

The thief wore what was likely a ski mask and thus Janus could see his eyes widen in surprise as they slowly dropped a ring into a small bag and zipped it closed. But they were yet to make a run for it out the window- possibly due to the heavy rain which would have made anything outside slick. But they weren't drenched, they only appeared damp due to his body half outside not like they had come from outside. Had the thief been inside that long? Janus gave a heavy swallow at the thought. He wanted to do something, but as for what he wasn’t sure. Any movement would surely spook the thief into running for it- it was a miracle that they hadn't already, so was he really stuck standing in a weird stand off until someone else came? Was the thief armed? If so he shouldn’t get closer anyway. But should he just let them run off with other people’s things?

~~~~

“The smart thing to do would’ve been to take a picture of the thief and call the police,” Logan interrupted. “Am I to assume you were incapable of either option?”

“We were a couple shots past that point,” Janus shrugged. “I was coherent but not completely rational.”

Logan looked as if he wanted to say something else, but he kept his mouth shut instead motioned for Janus to continue.

~~~~

“Cash is probably better than jewelry,” Janus blurted unhelpfully (and a lot more slurred than he had intended).

The thief’s head cocked to the side as if they needed a better angle to contemplate Janus’ idiocy. But they hadn’t left yet, so that was something.

“Do you want cash instead? Some of that might be sentimental.”

“Then they should take better care of it,” was the reply. It came along with an American accent, surprising for the middle of England, but at least that was something he could tell the police later.

“But still...”

“And if I gave you cash?”

“No one carries cash now.”

“Oh... Then-”

“Why am I bothering?” The thief asked themselves before they maneuvered further out the window into the rain. “Hope I managed to snag something important to you Ekans.”

~~~~

“They knew you?” Logan asked in surprise. “Or were they keeping tags on everyone at the party?”

“No, they knew me. And when the police found nothing even with security footage of him dressed as a servant earlier that day, caught footage of him going in and out of rooms taking things. Even took something of mine. I know the cops said they had it handled, but I was curious as to why my name was known and did my own digging. Found a string of robberies that had some similarities and I looked further and further into it.”

“And then you did something stupid like going after him without telling the police?”

Janus tried his best not to look offended. “No, I’m not crazy. He approached me first.”

~~~~

When someone slid into the empty seat across from him in the dining hall Janus was a tad annoyed. He was even more so when said person spoke and found he recognized the voice, but was unable to place it. “Been a while, Ekans.”

Janus kept his face even as he tried not to reveal that he had no clue who this person was. But if he had learned one thing after accompanying his stepmother to a number of parties, it was to always pretend you knew who you were talking to. So rather than say his actual thoughts, he gave a simple nod and took a bite of his sandwich. “What can I do for you?”

A frown was the resulting reply, apparently Janus’ answer wasn’t good enough. “You’re making my life quite difficult, so I came to give you a warning.” An American accent, weren’t too many of those here. An exchange student?

“Oh? And do tell, what have I done?”

“Don’t play dumb with me. All you need to do is fuck off.”

While he had no clue what he had supposedly done, Janus’ instinct told him not to back down as he stared into those dark glaring eyes. “And why should I do that?”

“Because-”

“If you’ve come to threaten me, you should make yourself a bit more threatening in appearance. The dark sweatshirt doesn’t really scream intimidating. Nor does doing such a thing in a very public setting. So you can say whatever you wish, but you’re giving me no reason to do as you say.”

Those eyes watched him for a moment, before this unwanted guest leaned back in his chair, “Fine, then tell me this, how would you like to make some money? Some money your stepmom doesn’t have access to?”

Janus hated how much that peaked his interest when he knew that the coming deal would surely be sketchy as hell. Especially when this person seemed to have more information about him than he should. “I have ways of doing that myself. I don't need you.”

“And what if I said I didn’t sell your bracelet?”

Janus’ appetite dropped to nothing and his heart plummeted in his chest as he all at once understood who this was, and why he was being threatened. This was the thief who he had gotten a glimpse of at the party. The same party where his bracelet had been stolen. It was something that wouldn’t have fetched a price above ten dollars, it was nothing more than a keepsake. It was cheap, but it was something his Dad had given him after his mother’s death, a simple faux silver bracelet bearing the three of their names. It was much too small for him now, and it truly looked terrible, but it was something he brought with him wherever as some sort of luck charm. And more than that it was something this thief had. The fact that this guy had tracked him down meant Janus’ personal investigation must have gotten close and this guy knew it. Should he turn the info over and then get his bracelet back?

“All I need to do is say nothing?” Janus asked, finally.

“That and you need to help me on my next job.”

“Hell no.”

“Do you want it back or not?”

Janus bit his tongue, “I’ll need some assurances.”

“Like?”

“Prove to me that you have the bracelet. And you need to give me something of yours.”

“Okay, but I don't keep anything as sentimental as you with me... Oh, I won't give you my name, but I can give you a hint?”

“What kind of hint?”

The thief paused before he reached in his pocket and pulled out a phone, he unlocked it and messed with it for a bit before he turned it for Janus to see. It was a picture of the thief holding a bracelet standing right outside this building, and more than that it had a date and timestamp- about ten minutes ago. “A long time ago you gave a kid a toy. And then that kid was accused of stealing it by your stepmom. She didn't care even when the truth was told, and my mom was fired. Good enough hint?”

Janus gave a slow nod as the memory came to him, “What do you need me to do?”

~~~~

“So he got you to start stealing by taking something of yours, and then you got a taste and decided you love it?” Logan asked.

Janus gave a shrug, “I suppose that is one way to sum it up. I enjoyed the thrill of it, yes but I also enjoyed seeing terrible people get what they deserve. So we ended up teaming up. He had a crew he was working with at the time, but they were less reliable. So we ended up making our own.”

Logan was quiet for a moment as his fingers tapped on his leg as his eyes stared out at the road... His profile was one Janus could certainly appreciate. “So, this means we’re discussing Virgil then?” Logan deduced and Janus couldn’t help but smile.

“If you have any other questions, perhaps it's best you ask him yourself.”

“I’ll admit, that’s not how I anticipated you got into this.”

“What were you expecting?”

Logan gaze met Janus’ before he looked away once more, “Truthfully I do not know. Something that would make it easier to dislike you I suppose?”

Janus couldn't help but laugh in response, “I think I am quite likable and personable.”

“That’s the persona you put on at least. But the real you? I find the real you more annoying and frustrating... your kindness especially. Why- why did you agree to help me? I know you wouldn’t mind taking a shot at Remy, but you’ve never even met Patton.”

The response on the tip of his tongue was that Virgil was his best friend, and that he had a duty to him Virgil. Or that he wanted to honor the fact that Logan had spent so much time and effort searching for him. Or that he truly just wanted to wipe Remy from the board. There were a myriad of answers he could give about why he was doing this- but he knew if he spoke a single one of them that only the truth would leave his lips. So rather than saying that he agreed because he had seen the desperate look on Logan’s face and wanted to see him smile instead- Rather than saying he just wanted to spend time with Logan despite the situation- Rather than saying he was curious if he was soulmates with Patton too- Rather than saying “Because you asked me”- Rather than letting fate take control of his tongue he decided to do what he does best. Twist words, thoughts, and feelings to create a situation where he was back in control.

“Why do you think Agent? You came to me at my home after all.” He asked finally, allowing the emphasis on his words to do the leg work for him.

To truly grift someone- to get them to freely give what they own, you need to be able to know what it is they want and be able to perfectly manipulate them into believing they’re stronger, better, and smarter than they actually were. And Logan... as vulnerable as he was here and now, was more than the perfect target, he was a textbook one.

“I see,” Logan said quietly, his own conclusion formed in his mind. His face didn’t change, there was no emotion in the two syllables uttered, but the way his fingers curled rather than continuously tap on his knee said more than enough.

~~~~

Janus was tired when they reached their destination. All he really wanted to do was take a nap, but he knew they didn’t have the time. So when he unlocked the apartment door he couldn’t help but be annoyed to see Virgil draped over a couch eating some kind of chips instead of working on what he promised. His friend’s gaze flickered up when they entered, and then it returned to the phone in his hands, before he sat up with a puzzled expression.

“What the fuck Janus? How do you know Patt’s…” His eyes narrowed. “What did you do?”

“You never told him?” Logan murmured.

“You never told Patton,” Janus returned. He gave a slight sigh before he shut the door behind them and moved to help himself to a few of Virgil’s chips. “Why don’t you get to work, and I’ll explain while you do?”

“For two fucking years you’ve been hiding the fact that you were literally fucking caught!?”

“Why is that the part of the story you’re focusing on?”

“Well it’s all I can yell at you about! And I’m sure whatever is happening to Patton is your fault too! You poked a bear with Remy back then! God I swear I will gut you if he’s hurt. I will fucking-”

Curses and threats spewed out of Virgil’s mouth rapid fire as he threw a half finished passport at Janus (who immediately regretted catching it as Virgil’s shouts rose in volume when he did).

“Why don’t I handle this while you see where we’re meeting Roman?”

Virgil didn’t look happy about the idea, but grabbed his phone and stormed off to call his soulmate. Janus gave a sigh, as he took the previously occupied seat next to the small laptop and printer set up and positioned the next passport the way he needed.

And as (blissful) silence coated the room he stole a glance at Logan. The other man had stayed silent the whole time even though his expression showed his distaste for Virgil preparing their exit. Apparently even when it was necessary to keep Remy off their tail, the man couldn’t condone the idea of any illegal activity. But even with his gaze there, his thoughts were clearly elsewhere as he kept fiddling with his engagement ring… Engagement ring?

“It’s the same ring.”

Logan paused and looked at Janus, before he seemingly noticed he had been spinning the ring around his finger. “Is it not supposed to be?”

“I do recall Virgil mentioning he was going to Patton’s and thus your wedding a while back. You would have two rings to wear then, right? You’re only wearing one.”

Logan gave a frown, before he put on an unaffected gaze- as if forgetting that Janus was the person who knew how to wear a mask best. “I… I called off the wedding. Or well, putting it on hold is a better explanation.”

“Oh?”

“There were other things going outside of the two of us. I wanted them settled first… and once they finally were we began trying to set everything up again. But- but here we are now.”

“May I ask what?” Logan’s gaze met his, that sharp piercing blue searching every inch of Janus as if he had the answer to a question only Logan knew the answer to. “You don’t need to answer.”

“I keep distance between myself and my family. I was reminded why when the wedding got close.”

“I thought you said your life was boring outside of work?”

“It is.”

“It can’t always be.”

“But I prefer it to be.”

Janus gave a hum as he turned his gaze back to the screen, “You know I never truly looked into you. I never had Remus tracking down everything you have ever done in your life, but I wanted to.”

“Then why didn’t you?”

“I want to hear it from your own mouth.”

“Then ask. I can’t lie. And you’re smart enough to get me to say what you want.”

“True, but even if you can only speak the truth around me, I would rather you tell me things voluntarily.”

Logan’s eyes narrowed as he sat forward in his seat and leaned across the table, “I came to you for help because I’m desperate. That’s it. I don’t trust you.”

Janus gave him an easy smile back, “But that doesn’t mean you never will.”

“We need to move lovebirds,” Virgil announced returning. “We’re now on a schedule. We’ve got a boat to catch in Naples.”

“Aren’t we supposed to be going back to Madrid?” Logan asked, confused.

“That’s… we’ve worked a lot over the years. And so we’re not welcome many places, and there’s a good number of people we could run into who would only make things worse. The Twins’ family owns yachts throughout the Mediterranean, many of which conveniently dock in certain places for months.”

“Those two are also known for taking joy rides and getting in trouble with just about everyone,” Janus added. “Even if we get caught it’s not unexpected. So it’s the safest route.”

Logan took a deep breath before he nodded. “Then we should get on the road. Are you almost done with that?” He directed to Janus.

“Almost. Then there’s one left. Just enough time for you to pack a bag Virge.”

“Going going,” Virgil nodded, moving away. “Ugh, and I just bought groceries yesterday!”

Silence fell over the small home as they each readied themselves for the next leg of this too long trip. And yet they had barely gotten started. “Here,” He told Logan, holding out a new passport. “Get familiar with the details.”

Logan glanced down at it before he looked back up at Janus with a slight glare, “Do I sound like I’m from-”

“Most British- English accents sound the same to me,” Janus interrupted, already seeing where this was going.

“I have seen videos of you mimicking just about every accent there is.”

“I don’t work in England. I went to college there and I already know a lot of the people who I’d be trying to con. More importantly, I need to know... Can you defend yourself?”

Logan’s eyes widened at the sudden switch in conversation, before he paused to consider the question and its gravity. “Do you think we’ll run into issues that quickly?”

“I like to be prepared. And if there’s something I can have the Twins ready for us before we get there that’s for the better. So? Can you fight if needed?”

“I’ve… I’ve been trained. And while I know how to use a pistol, I’d rather not.”

“I don’t like them personally. I fight with words best, and a knife second. But for now let’s hope the former is enough.”

“Somehow I doubt they will be.”

Janus wanted to tell him that everything would be alright, and that they’d be able to get Patton back safe and sound. But then again they were soulmates, so a lit wouldn’t be able to leave his lips. And he didn’t want Logan to hear his honest thoughts. So instead he made himself busy and took to emptying perishables that would be left behind, because somehow he knew Logan would be grateful for his silence.

~~~~

All Parts

#loceit #soulmate au #kidnapping #janus sanders #logan sanders #patton sanders #virgil sanders #conman #remy sanders #story in a story #let me tell you a story

[061801]

I really want to write out how I feel about this whole situation but it’s extremely hard because I don’t even understand. It’s confusing because he’s an ex who gave me an extremely hard time. I carry a lot of pain and anger because I put down every single wall I had for him to make me build an even bigger one. He cheated on me, gave me pills/drugs, took my prescription drugs, stole valuable things from me, spit in my face literally, made me do things because he knew he could threaten to leave me if I didn’t do them and I’d be sad, lied about random shit that didn’t even matter. Looking back I don’t even understand how I got so hooked. I was young and naive that’s really the only explanation. I had no family, no friends, no money. I literally had nothing. This guy who I viewed as a tough guy started calling me pretty and asked for my number and choosing to hangout with me instead of his friends. I fell so hard idk why but I gave it my all as if we were going to be forever. Part of me is super embarrassed because he would cheat on me and I would literally cry and take him back every single time because I just wanted to be with him. I hoped that maybe if he cheated on me enough one day he’ll get bored and realize I’m the one for him. I guess I could say I enjoyed watching him absolutely torment everybody around him (cuz he just loved pushing buttons like that) and then having him desire me and wanna kiss me and have sex. I felt like a special girl for a little bit. I remember being super shy with him too like I couldn’t even open my mouth cuz I didn’t know what to say. So he basically talked the whole time and I would just turn red and blush so much. I quickly realized though that I was just another girl to him. Up until a few years ago when we reconnected for the 100000th time, he had 2 other girlfriends besides me and he told me he missed how much I loved him and no girl ever cared about him like I did and I didn’t deserve how he treated me and I was so excited because I thought he came to his senses and wanted to be with me. Fast forward January of this year, I found out he does the same thing to at least 2 other girls. It didn’t take me very long to realize he still had eyes for any other pretty girl that walked by but for some reason I thought I was still at least that girl that took care of him. No apparently not. I wasn’t actually ever special at all. I just basically convinced myself I was and believed everything he said. That’s another difficult part about this; just because he wasn’t my boyfriend, doesn’t mean he was a bad person. Therefore I’m being extremely selfish and I know it. But seeing all the exes and the posts about him and how close he was to them literally fuels a fire in my heart that I could never explain to anyone. Seeing them have access to him the way I did makes me feel like I’ve had something ripped away from me. The only way I could try to compare it is like having a child and the child likes his step mom more and doesn’t give a fuck about you and the fact that you literally gave birth to him. That’s not even a fair comparison because a child is way more significant than a boyfriend or girlfriend but I was so infatuated with the idea of being in love with him I can’t explain another way. I feel like he was MINE and I just wasn’t able to keep him to myself. So a part of my depression about this is because I’ll never get to see where his life goes, I’ll never get to see if he eventually reaches out to me again. I’ll never get an apology. At the same time I don’t ever have to see him get married and have kids with someone else. Towards the end of us talking I just felt defeated like this is never going to work. The drugs took over. But no matter how I felt, when I saw his name; my body just does something different. My heart beats fast, my stomach drops, it’s not just a name or a person. It’s the name of someone I held on a pedestal. Nobody will ever understand the love I had for him

[luvkennabearr]

you don’t know what i’m doing …

who i’m happy with.

what i’m doing with my life & my recovery. im just so happy 2 be out of your guys lives. yall so bored, you’re type of fun is trying to hurt my feelings over a man who isn’t even worth my time. i’ve moved on, im happy, im sober, im living my life how i should have been when i was stuck trying to figure out if his lil leprechaun ass was worth it. he can tell you this n that to try to make you feel better, like he didn’t give a fuck about me, but I have so much proof to show you he loved me just as much as you think he loves you. maybe he even loved me more but for reasons you don’t know , it went how it went 💗 now I’m done with this social media shit y’all have my number y’all know my address pull up and do something about it if you’re really that pressed otherwise leave me the fuck alone. have fun fighting, getting cheated on, beaten on, ( Oh & guess what he never put his hands on me, and not one time ) made to feel less than the woman you are, you’re so much more than you’re putting on, but do you want the whole world to think you’re happily in love, while he’s hitting up women to fuck because you guys are arguing and he wants to make you mad, what kind of love is that? Nothing I want part of, not the love I want. y’all can keep guessing and assuming about what’s going on in my life to make yourself feel better, but you have no idea how far I’ve come since I haven’t had that piece of shit in my life. im happy with who am & wouldn’t want to be anyone else. no offense. Good luck. I wish you the best although I don’t think the best will be that good considering you’re with him, I hope one day you’ll get over your obsession of wanting him to love you how you love him but sometimes you gotta grow up and realize life doesn’t go how you want. because trust me, I loved him with my whole heart, I would have done anything for him & did, I helped him when he needed help, held him when he was crying, gave him body massages every night to help him sleep, supported him, and anything he wanted to do, took care of both of us financially , was going to buy us a car, use my last $$ to bail him out, that man would be lucky to have me & he knows it. i’ve spent sooo much $$ on him. u wouldn’t even believe.. the convos we had , the days we spent , the connection we had, he can say whatever he wants now to make you feel better but you don’t live w, spend almost everyday for a year with someone you can’t stand 🙃 i do feel dumb bc of a lot of things but that’s for us to discuss & not for the internetc cuz im DONE with this internet shit. it doesn’t bug me, it doesn’t pull me down, it disappoints me … I’m not even gonna keep going, because I don’t wanna hurt your feelings or make you feel someway. But I did love him with my whole heart and do you want to be with somebody who treats women the way he treated me after all I did for him? If he did it to me, there’s no doubt my mind that he wouldn’t do it to you. & matter of fact, he already already has.

-makenna 💜

P S. I know money isnt everything. I know money is just a piece of paper. I know it doesn’t prove or show how good you’re doing in life mentally but I just wanted to show you guys I’m not broke, I do have shit and I am happy, that’s all I’m gonna say because I’m not gonna waste my breath or tell you everything I got going on in my life because that’s my business and I’d like to keep it that way, a bunch of losers who have nothing better to do but try to make somebody upset because their heart was broken by somebody they truly loved. As of this moment I am done. I am done with the bullshit. I am done with the disrespect. I am done with the games and I wish you would do the same and see how much different and happier your life would be and that’s coming from somebody who used to be your best friend, not a hater, not somebody who wants to be you, not somebody who wants to be like you, but somebody who will always have love for you because of all the memories we’ve shared . That’s it, that’s all. like I said, you know my address, you have my number, if you really want to do something pull up or call me. 😄 otherwise stop posting shit to try to piss me off because it’s not working, you look stupid you look bored you look desperate you look pathetic you look crazy and you look like you’re trying to prove you’re in love when everybody knows it’s a joke you’re not in love, you just can’t be alone. kissesssss . 😽😽😽 internet shit for the youngins, im done engaging .. deal w me in person.

STOP TRYING TO COMPARE YOUR LIFE TO MINE, YOU AINT SPENT ENOUGH. 🤷🏼‍♀️🫠🗣️

[the-firebird69]

There's several developments and they are local and global both:

-there's a huge amount of idiots in this town they don't know their s*** they don't know when to shut up they don't know when they're being made fun of chastise harassed or beat up they are dumber than hell this lady on the phone is a f****** idiot as soon as this repeating what she is doing and saying it back and harassing her and she's a huge b**** it doesn't get it it doesn't want to be near you people you're a bunch of jerks your own tons of money and you look at him like it's nothing and it's sitting there whooping your ass and we know he's whooping your ass cuz where his army stupid f**** we say it to you differently lots of times to your face they never back off you're always dying the pseudo empire is going to say to us and good for them they can match around today like the mental patients that they are you don't inspire us no you motivate us like hell but you never imitate us or anything to die you don't have a say stuff in space are you going to die these are things we've been doing to you for a long time apparently you're completely stupid now we did pay attention to it we have a zombie level on you that's more appropriate it's about a seven out of eight set of 10 but boy are you people nasty they're all ready to go we have a place for you don't worry about it

-along with you being incredibly nasty and very stupid you are being incinerated and they're pulling you out and they're taking it to the incinerator for showing up three times a day as different people or three times a day is the same person or any combination there of or greater and they told you not to and you go ahead and do it right away does not mean that you're going to get away with it or survive or anything like that and they said it because they're actually going around pulling you out you too John Reema Lord your time is numbered meaning you only have a few days left they said and your whole race will be dead you're horrific people your act blows the bag. The lady is saying they shouldn't support foreigners getting an education in healthcare and is implying she's real mad cuz she went to our son's house the sun says my granddaddy is President and your enemy combatants and you don't belong here and you're more or less foreigners so are you limiting yourself whether you know it or not they're treating you like foreigners whether you agree to it or not you are taking away things that foreigners have put here and now your foreigners you're Australian you're New Zealand even Britain I don't know if you understand this it's happening all the time she did a good job now she's an a****** you did fine yesterday now you're an a****** and you don't understand it yeah sure is it's a f****** pain you didn't get any sleep you just don't do anything right you're getting slaughtered when is it going to be enough to try and do something normal so you're saying that to them because they're on the stupid floor that channel doing stupid things usually trying to bother him and we're going to see them try all day long and he's going to say who gives a s*** this one doesn't mean it either and you get f***** up all day and night this one looks more like an e-bike and they're starting to get upset

-this one beats the regulations completely

-there's another problem too almost everybody he needs is his enemy but he says is people are my enemy die nobody wants a schmuck near me or a****** or fake black person I am in I am entitled to report people who are abusing the image and report you clyburn for execution nothing less and you can take your e-bike and jam it up your ass sideways I'm going to turn you into the worm and jam the e-bike up your ass now this a****** fake black b**** ass and you're saying you're going to hit me so I have you hit if you're going to get hit there's no such thing as two judges in a courtroom and you're actually making legal binding decisions you're going to be fired and you're going to be killed by all these people are going to sue you on this people's couples Court judge Dana Cutler and judge Keith Cutler you are performing illegal task is not approved by the Congress of the United States it's never been written as a formal procedure every single judgment you have made is going to go back on you for that fat f****** b****'s mouth I'm going to start there and we're going to sue the f*** out of you for what you're saying

What he says is really true you can't have two judges and we're going to reset it to the justice department today along with all the other offenses he's offensive people are doing to go after them they have us on the side track to go after them so we're going to publish

Thor Freya

Olympus

Zues Hera

[fake-love-is-all-i-dreamed-of]

fuck my ex

He did it. My ex brought me back to tumblr. Dang, it's been a while... like over 10 years since the young, hippie-wannabe, angsty teen was making blogs about doing drugs from the earth and sharing psychedelic aesthetic posts. It's nice to be back, in a place where no one knows who I am and I can speak my mind. Journalling is fun and all... but typing it out just feels like you're empowered.

Over the last year, I dated the dumbest person I have ever dated... and that's saying a lot, as my track record is pretty rough. I met him somewhere I shouldn't have been dating anyone, and from there, things moved quickly. He moved in within a few months, if not a few weeks, and we were full fledged in a relationship neither of us were ready for.

I mean jesus christ, the man almost has more kids than fingers and a criminal record but somehow I was so desperate for love I couldn't resist. I'm not fully salty about the situation, I've learned a lot.... but recently, I let him back in.

It had been three months since he left, and we were going on a month of no contact. He owed me $20 that he was holding over my head for months and refused to give back... I let it go eventually (it was more the principle than the amount I was worried about... as well as I'm pretty sure it was some sick way for me to keep talking to him.. I'm now seeing). I finally started to feel better and was being more conscious of the lessons as opposed to my loneliness. Then bam, he calls me out of the blue one night when I'm out drinking with a friend. I'm still not sure how he can call me when I have him blocked, but he says "that's the good thing about having a blocked number". Didn't know you could do that. I guess I was more lonely than I thought at that moment, because little did I know... he'd successfully reel me back in despite all he's done to me, I let the bastard back in.

Over the next few days we may have chatted a few times, can't remember. He then told me he was moving away for work and wanted to stay at my house for a night while he waited for his flight. I said absolutely not, we went no contact for a few more weeks.

Then, all of a sudden I get a call that awakens me at 8am on a Saturday. He's on the way into the city and is going to be staying overnight at the airport for 24 hours to wait for his flight. Again, I must have been extra lonely, because I slept for a few more hours and then went and got his ass. On my way there he sent me my $20 back, saying nothing. I was like wow, he really wants something from me lol. He said he didn't want to stay the night, but I practically begged him. We had a decent day, went to the beach, had something to eat. He was still unable to talk about what happened that caused our breakup and how he treated me the three months after, which is something I want badly but he's honestly just not intelligent enough to have a conversation like that (red flag #50,000)... so I just allowed the time spent to be what it was. He was leaving for 5 weeks to work out of the Province, so what the fuck is the difference... it's just a day, right? Throughout our day and night he made multiple mentions of him coming back to my place every 5 weeks and staying. I actually considered it.

Fast forward to the last two weeks, he's been out of Province and calling me daily for the most part. I noticed he still has some concerning people on his social media that I asked him to remove, so deep down I know nothing's changed and I also know I don't want to associate with someone of his patheticness - but, loneliness sucks so I keep him on a little string chatting here and there just to feel something.

He then starts asking me for money again. He went out of Province to work with $0 and apparently has no food, or smokes. I've had no extra money so kept telling him that's why I couldn't send, but he knew my pay period and tonight asked me again. This time, I said honestly I'm not comfortable with loaning you any money because I work really hard for it and the last time you didn't give it back for 3 months. Well... all hell broke loose, and he started saying "fuck you, get the fuck out of my life"... totally freaking out like a child. I then made a few digs at him, basically just insulting his intelligence and character because it's clear the only reason he keeps talking to me is so that he knows he can have me on standby if he needs something.

He then started saying that the reason he did what he did (cheated, lied, scammed me, etc.) is because of me, lmfao. That's when I'm like ok brother you're actually fucked. I blocked his number and he started calling me, leaving me voicemails saying I'm a piece of shit and telling me to clean my house because it's the only thing he can say to me - I'm not a disgusting human being like him, so there isn't much to say to me. I know I did nothing wrong and I've always been good to his grimy ass, so I have nothing to worry about.

He called me a few times, left two mean voicemails that I didn't even listen to, just deleted - and now we wait. Now we see if he emails me or tries to contact me from another method - or, will he finally give up and leave me alone?

I am hoping that I am fully done at this point - I mean, he's never done this before but tonight he called me a piece of shit and some other mean things - so I think I'm good, as I don't tolerate that no matter how mad you are. I've been talking to other guys basically the entire time he's been gone, just nothing serious has come out of anything. It's not like he's my only option, familiarity just hits ya in the face sometimes.

At the end of the day, what saddens me is that he is a product of his environment and I am unsure if he has the intelligence to ever break that mould. Being with me gave him a view of life he had never seen before, coming from where he comes from. I don't come from much, but, I do come from a place of intelligence and life knowledge - which is something he just doesn't have. I hope that he can someday lead a good life, but that's just not my business anymore and I hope to keep it that way.

So just like when I got sober from coke some 7-8 years ago, here is day 1 of no contact. I hope to reach 10, 20, 50, 100 days. If I don't, I'll start again - but he has no place in my life and I can't forget that.

#breakups #fuck my ex #i hate my ex #ex boyfriend #lessons #life lessons

[bomnun]

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, it makes me feel less alone and better. If H joined BP for PTG’s sake, I think it’s safe to say that isn’t working out well and if he gets in, I don’t see any benefit to PTG. All I see is “PTG is over” and “H wants a new group/solo.” MNET successfully got the narrative they wanted with CUBE’s help! I have been a fan since PTG Maker, experienced every high and low in their story, and I don’t want to feed into the negativity so your Reddit post helped me a lot.

Hi!! I'm glad I could make you feel that way. There really is no benefit to Pentagon, if anything it's an excuse for blue box to finally properly give up them and stop their years-long indecision. I'm actually pissed at how Universe treated this show, I tried, but it's not like anyone wants to listen to me (on Twitter). They can keep pretending Hui redebuting will help Pentagon, or that they're already over - even though Shinwon's already said he's renewing, they're literally recording stuff right now and Kino is asserting they're nine, as long as they hopefully fail with their akgae project... Not that I dare to hope for that. Whatever. Why so many people want the careers of eight people who never did anything wrong to crash and burn in humiliation, I'll never understand. Is it the fact that they were supposed to just become a laughingstock/scandal-colored one-hit-wonder and give up in 2018? It's like kpop fans can't understand groups who face hardship but really want to keep going together. They've all had so many chances to leave at this point, but they keep coming back to one another because they want to. I even think they know their numbers add up, lmao (maybe I'm projecting on that part, but when Shinwon talked about learning Excel because "it might be needed for comebacks" it stuck with me.)

On the BP topic... his solo stans really want us to vote and support his supposed dream of redebuting and leaving his friends for 10 years, which he still hasn't expressed, lol.

Cube deciding to do this during their weird internal crisis they seem to have been having makes no sense. They are aware keeping them and giving them a comeback makes more money than 1/9 share of that other group, even if it becomes more popular?!

Sorry for ranting when you said my post made you hopeful dshdfjsk I feel like that's very counterproductive. I think they have more solid proof they can put out whatever they're doing now than we think. Kino's not dumb, he wouldn't be spending nights in the studio and constantly post about it on social media for nothing. Shinwon wouldn't have kept saying "I'm going back to being Pentagon's Shinwon now!" for like a week dshfdkjs Hongseok reappearing makes it feel more certain to me too. I do believe something's coming and I want to be there for it and support it as best I can. I really didn't expect so much Hongseok so early; it makes me really hopeful that he's doing better and, maybe, even something more..? Maybe it's too early to expect him in Japan next month... I wonder, since it might (sadly) cause upset for him to promote during the time he was still supposed to be in the military... but then he went to his birthday event today.

Anyway, I wish people actually looked at what the members are doing and saying before writing them off, just because you wouldn't be as passionate and give up earlier, doesn't mean they want to @ people ! :)

Thank you for this ask! It feels like I'm talking a bit out into the void sometimes.

#ask #anonymous #rant #i guess #sorry about that

[preppernewstoday]

Articles in SurvivalBlog are generally, focused on practical “How To” survivalist topics. I’ve been concerned more about my mental and emotional state lately. With so much negative news as of late, I’ve been focused on the practicality of managing my spirit as I work on practical things. I thought I’d share – this is where I stand. There comes a time when you realize that there is nothing left to do but face the Evil and stand firm. You’re done with trying to convince people, especially people you dearly love, that the Evil is here now. You’ve reconciled yourself to the facts, hard facts, that Evil is afoot, and embraced even, by a large number of people around you. You stare at them in wonder that they can’t see the Evil that is parading in front of them, or that they purposefully refuse to see it, or they’re so distracted they can’t see it. You’re stunned that they continue eating, drinking, and being merry, as if they had not a care in the world. You watch them spending money on lavish vacations, petulantly complaining about things that won’t matter in eternity or when the Schumer Hits The Fan (SHTF). It’s as if you’ve become the alien on a strange planet. You begin to withdraw and just focus on the things in front of you – the things that do matter. What’s going to matter in eternity is how I loved and cared for my family; how I treated other people. It’s not going to matter what I look like, what I own or don’t own, where I’ve been, my educational status, or any status symbol. None of that is going to matter. It’s going to boil down to: did I listen to God’s voice, and do what He asked me to do, even if I got some parts of it wrong. My heart’s intentions are going to dearly matter. My actions as I work out those intentions are going to matter. There is no “virtue signaling” involved. There is no one to impress. Others’ opinions matter not. Many times in life, I took what I call a “small” stand. I call it small because compared to what we are now facing, it was small. That’s how it works. You take small stands for what you think is right, and slowly over time it becomes second nature. You take bigger, and more impactful, stands and you become intolerant of evil. A few simple examples are in order. When I was a very young mom, shopping with my children in a store, I found a few twenty dollars bills on the floor. Rather than pocket them, I showed my children what we do in such an instance, exhibiting that we do not take what is not ours to take. I looked around and there wasn’t anyone nearby. No one appeared to be looking for lost money. So, we took it up to the cashier and explained, giving her the cash to care for (it mattered not what she did with it). Later, when I was a career woman, I was propositioned by a male manager. I turned him down in no uncertain terms and of course I was laid off shortly thereafter. I knew why, and trusted God to provide for us. He did. As I went through life, many more tests presented themselves – they were harder, more intense, anguishing, but I stood my ground. Painfully, tearfully, sometimes in righteous indignation, I stood my ground. The most recent example was that I refused the “clot-shot” and never looked back. I got over each hurdle, and the Lord has provided for me in ways I could not have imagined. Each time I took a stand, God came through for me, and my Faith grew. Not because I am anything special, but because the Lord Almighty is capable. There’s nothing too hard for Him. All I have to do is Stand. When I see parents taking their children to “drag queen hour”, I get sick at my stomach. When I see videos of teachers who are purposefully indoctrinating children into any number of immoral doctrines, I can’t believe anyone has a child in public education anymore. I read recently that more than two million children have been withdrawn from the public education system. I asked myself why haven’t all of them been taken out? When I see public documents, evidence, pertaining to election fraud, child sex trafficking, government corruption, etc.

, I don’t understand how the government is still functioning. When I see that large hospital systems have been quietly mutilating young children in the name of an insane ideology that children are born “gender fluid” and can one day decide which body parts they want to keep and which they want surgically removed or altered, I am outraged. What kind of people do these things? What sickness has taken over their hearts, minds, and hands that do the work? I’m in awe that any of us are still “holding our fire”. When I see churches teaching Marxist theology rather than the Gospel of Jesus Christ, it makes me terribly sad. When I see our government, literally, provoking WWIII, destroying the global economy for the sake of an ideology that has no true scientific basis, using fear and propaganda to manipulate people, I’m just sure we are headed for very dark times. I don’t know how dark it will get. I can only guess based on my knowledge of the history of the human race. People have done incredibly cruel and demonic things to other people throughout our entire existence. Why God hasn’t just said Enough!!, I don’t know. Perhaps He wants every single human being to have one last chance to repent before bringing forth the horses of the Apocalypse. In the meantime, as Francis Schaeffer, a Christian theologian, famously wrote, “How Should We Then Live?” In my mind, it’s simple, but not easy. This is next level up from beans, bullets, and band-aids. It’s about a state of mind. It’s about walking in Peace while chaos swirls around us. It’s about believing that our Heavenly Father does indeed care about us, and that we aren’t just tossing about in a tiny boat in the middle of the sea with no help on the horizon. I couldn’t say that without having been rescued by Him time and time again, and personally witnessed His power. When I pray, I start by thanking Him for everything I can think of first. Then, I begin with my requests. After that, I go about my day on this little farm, tending to the land and the animals. It’s as if Someone gave me a refreshing, fulfilling, sip of something, first thing in the morning that lasts the whole day. As each challenge presents itself, throughout each day, I take a moment and thank Him, then request help, then I keep moving forward. I’m not saying there’s any magic to that formula, it’s just what I’ve come to do. Of course, I get slightly panicked from time to time. Don’t we all? As an example, I’ve had to have the siding on the house replaced. Underneath there was rot. I pretty much panicked over the increased costs, especially after just having had the roof replaced. I had to complain for a while, then I stopped myself. I went back to thanking Him, then asking Him to make this situation manageable for me. I know that He can actually heal the house – He’s that incredibly powerful. Remember, He invented “physics” and “gravity”, and with His very breath He holds the Universe together. No, I didn’t go out on the front lawn, waving my hands at the house, praying for healing! Although, that would’ve been a sight to behold. I just thanked Him, made my requests, and kept moving. As it turns out, the damage to the house is looking like something I can easily manage. I am so grateful. Financial stress, especially in these times, can be difficult to manage. Following Christ is not always roses and butterflies. Nope. There are usually a lot of thorns involved, as Jesus will tell you Himself. What I’ve learned is that all I have to do is Stand Firm on His principles. He will give me the strength to endure it. I think we are afraid, sometimes, that something is going to be too hard to bear. And because of that fear, we refuse to move forward, and we are afraid to stand firm. No matter what is coming… No matter if everything is taken from me… I’m not going to comply with a godless ideology. “O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?” (I Corinthians 15:55) I realize that a lot of people who read this blog do

not profess Christianity, and I often think that they might dismiss my thoughts as not relevant to them. I have to ask, what do you gain by conforming to the world’s system? Comfort, for a time? What do you have to lose by standing your ground, refusing to comply with an unholy alliance of people committed to an ideology that takes away your very freedom? Your freedom to choose how you will live, Who you will worship, how you will raise your children? No matter how you look at it, you lose, even when you go along to get along. And once you’ve complied, they take a little more from you, and then a little more, until there’s nothing left. Will you really be happy owning nothing? How about when they implant a little device in your head that manages your behavior, and a little device in your hand that gives you access to things you need? You could just kick back with the virtual reality glasses on and slip into a controlled environment where you don’t think or feel for yourself. How does that sound? No matter what your spiritual condition, you are a spiritual being. You were born to think your own thoughts, make your own decisions, and choose your own actions. You can’t be anything else. You are a human being created by God. You need to own yourself. And in so doing, recognize that there is help, but it doesn’t come in the form of Things necessarily. It comes in the form of spiritual, mental, and emotional peace, with the strength to keep moving forward. I don’t make good decisions when I’m in a state of turmoil, fear, doubt, or anger. I make good decisions when I’m calm, humble, and willing to stand firm, come what may. Brandon Smith’s recent article, reposted in SurvivalBlog, talked about how we must develop alternative systems within our states in order to survive the travesties our Federal government is thrusting upon us. I agree. But, we must have our hearts and minds right with God so that we are fearless rather than fearful, and at peace in the midst of chaos. I am firm on the fact that I’m not going to comply with godless edicts. I pray that God will fill me with His strength to continue. And that He will take me from this earth in His timing. May God be with us.

[chosonore]

infatuation

infatuation [noun. strong but not usually lasting feelings of love or attraction]

pairing: kamo choso/f!reader

summary: in a spurt of recklessness, you hire an escort to help you learn about relationships and intimacy. what you didn't expect was to fall in love with him along the way. [part of the kamo escorts collab]

wordcount: 23.3k

content/warnings: escorts au, slow burn, language, smut!!!, fluff, soft dom!choso, reader is very oblivious and painfully awkward, awkward firsts, dry humping, handjobs, oral sex (m + f receiving), fingering, uh somewhat public sex, loss of virginity, oral fixation, praise kink, lowercase is intended [VERY VERY UNEDITED]

a/n: hello here it is and finally done!!! i've been sitting at this for a week straight now and while i'm not super happy with it, it would've been a shame to just throw it out tbh. writing improvement is a slow progress after all! i'm dedicating this to @sukirichi who always hyped me up while i was writing this, happily welcomed me to the collab and who always supports my writing and i really appreciate it. thank you, from the bottom of my heart! (argh i have so many cut scenes that i ran out of space for dividers, sorry! hope the reading flow still makes sense though)

"that's what you were so worried about?" nobara looked at you incredulously, as if you grew two heads and asked for her firstborn. "you were scared that guys don't like you because you've never dated anyone?"

you let out an embarrassed whine, pushing at her arm in an attempt to get her to shut up. it wasn't your fault that she jumped to (multiple and very wrong) conclusions when you'd called her and maki, asking them to meet up so you could ask for advice. even maki looked mildly amused, patting your head apologetically. you were well aware of how ridiculous your issue sounds - the topic of dating had always made you anxious. you came from a very wealthy family that always sheltered and protected you from everything. you were their precious little girl after all; your father would rather drop dead than have you mingle with people who didn't treat you well and didn't deserve you. they meant well and it had never been an issue until you moved out to attend university (your parents had acted like you were leaving to travel the world and would never return, when really, you only moved two hours away from home).

even though nobara, maki and you had quickly become friends after you'd met at an event, you were wary to tell them about your background. it worried you, knowing how some people would treat you differently just to get on your good side and use you, so you opted to skirt around it as much as possible. it took you months until you opened up to them when you finally mustered up enough courage and trust to do so. they kept your secrets ever since, always protecting you and looking out for you. you were truly glad to be their friend. the two of them had grown suspicious when you kept declining their invites to join them for parties or to simply go to a bar and you were slowly starting to feel more and more guilty until you couldn't take it anymore and just confessed, asking them for advice.

"so that's why you're nervous even around inumaki," nobara concluded, propping her chin up in thought. "i didn't think your parents would be this protective. do they know that you want to start dating now?"

"no…" you confessed, fidgeting in your seat. "my dad, he um- he means well and usually has a good radar when he says that a guy doesn't deserve me. but i thought it was time to venture out on my own. it's good to have some experience, right?"

"i mean you're not wrong but i don't want you to be asking for advice simply because you feel pressured about dating since everyone else is doing it," maki retorted, giving you a concerned look.

you quickly shook your head. it wasn't that you felt pressured about not having any experience yet. you didn't necessarily want to admit to them that you were a hopeless romantic and liked the idea of being with someone; in the end, it was your own decision to venture. men made you nervous, you didn't know how to act around them and the thought of approaching a stranger by yourself was too scary. maybe it was a better idea to find someone to show you the ropes first, you felt embarrassed about your lack of knowledge and skills and - it wouldn't hurt to have some kind of dating training, right?

"i mean, technically, you could just ask one of the guys to take you out on a fake date. i'm sure megumi wouldn't mind," nobara was already pulling out her phone, making you grabbing her hand in panic and furiously shaking your head.

"i don't want to get them involved in this! it would make things pretty awkward and that's the last thing i would want. isn't there any other solution?" you explained quietly, playing with the hem of the dress. you felt bad for rejecting all their suggestions but you simply didn't want to be a burden to your other friends either.

"well," nobara and maki looked at each other grinning. "you could hire a fake boyfriend."

"really? you can hire tho-"

"escorts, y/n, escorts," nobara pushed her phone over to you, pointing on the screen. frowning, you read the little description. kamo escorts. you'd never thought about hiring someone, let alone knew enough about the topic. judging from nobara's face, she seemed to be well versed and it made you slightly suspicious.

"it's the easiest way for you and you have enough money to pay for their service. it's convenient, you can adjust it to your schedule and they'll send someone who fits your preferences. you choose the spot for your date and they'll make it happen, right? it's perfect and you don't have to worry about getting anyone involved," she explained, tapping at the bottom of the screen. "just give them a call, they'll walk you through the entire process. if you don't like it, you can find someone else or just abort mission."

"what do you mean they'll send someone who fits my preferences?" it did sound like an easy process, almost too easy. something was bound to go wrong, you could feel it. "i don't even know what my preferences are, so how could they possibly-"

"y/n, you might be blind but we are not," maki flicked your forehead playfully, she was more perceptive than you. "if you want, you can call them right now and we'll help you with the preferences, okay? maybe that'll ease your nerves a little."

"now?" you squeaked, eyes widening in horror. you weren't prepared at all; when you invited them over you were only planning to gather advice and then act on it.

"yeah! come on, it'll be fun and it's not like they can see your face," nobara grinned and was already dialing the number, moving away from you agilely before you could snatch the phone out of her hands. you wanted the earth to swallow you, why did they think that this was a good id-

"good evening, thank you for calling kamo escorts. my name is ijichi, how may i help you?" a male voice sounded from the phone, you instinctively dove behind the couch but maki was quicker and pulled you back with one fluid motion. curse her strength and speed.

"yes, hi, my friend here would like to hire an escort but she's too shy to do so, so we're helping her with the entire process. i hope you don't mind?"

"if it helps to ease the nerves, not at all."

nobars nudged you, holding the phone out. you pouted at her, shaking your head like a stubborn child. she rolled her eyes and pushed the phone into your hand forcefully, making you panic as you didn't want ijichi hearing your wrangling.

"um, yes, i- i'd like to hire someone but- ah nobara already mentioned that! it's for… for dates! i just need someone to go on dates with me."

"i see. is this a formal event?"

"n-no! i just need dating training of sorts, so casual is fine… if i do need to attend a formal event in the future, would that be a problem?"

"not at all, simply let us know when booking. our escorts are trained to be able to adapt to any situation and event, there is nothing you need to worry about, miss. do you have any specific preferences?"

"uh i-"

nobara leaned over your shoulder. "she prefers more mature guys! someone who's caring and attentive, someone who's not too outgoing and loud, it has to match her energy! since this is date training, there's probably going to be a lot of awkwardness so we'll need someone who is patient too. someone who can act like the best boyfriend to ever boyfriend. as for looks, i think she's fine with everything- although wait, maybe dark hair. yep, dark hair."

you couldn't believe her, she practically directed the entire call for you as if she'd made a plan beforehand, knowing that it would come to this. there was no doubt that she'd had this in mind, this was nobara after all. maki, on other hand, was watching you amused; she didn't usually engage in whatever shenanigans nobara was up to but she was always a bystander who very much enjoyed your reaction just now.

"miss, do you agree with the listed preferences?" ijichi asked after a moment of silence. you could hear him typing and occasionally scribbling on paper.

"yeah, yes, that's fine. is it possible to book him on weekends? i don't know if this is going to work out just yet so maybe once a week on fridays? i've never done this before so yeah."

"that is doable, yes. if you wish to engage in sexual relations, you may discuss it with your escort. these services come at an additional cost, of course."

"i don't-"

nobara interrupts you again, smirking at you cheekily. "it would be beneficial, so please take that into consideration when choosing the escort!"

"alright, thank you," ijichi went silent for a minute while he was organizing the files and schedules. "there are some possible candidates with whom i have to check with first. i will get back to you, should they agree to the job. after that we can exchange personal information and contacts so we can discuss the matter further."

"okay um. thank you, mr ijichi, i appreciate your help," you thanked him bashfully, giving him your number before thanking him again. you were already so deep in thought that you didn't even listen to his reply. now you've really gone and done it. were you crazy? what if your parents found out? they'd riot and be immensely disappointed in you. getting some dating experience through dating an escort, only nobara could ever come up with something like this.

"how do you feel?" maki inquired and rubbed your shoulders in concern, seeing how quiet you suddenly grew. weakly shrugging with your shoulders, you grasped the fabric of your shirt and nervously fiddled with it. the entire ordeal filled you with anxiety, a myriad of thoughts circling in your brain. it was the first time doing something "reckless" and it left you feeling nauseous.

"i'm not sure." you hesitated. "i'm curious to see how it goes but it just makes me really nervous. how do i act around him? and what if he finds me weird?"

"i don't think he's going to think you're weird just because you get nervous around guys. and besides, ijichi said he'd find the perfect guy for you, yeah? don't worry about it too much. if you don't feel comfortable after the first date, we'll figure something out."

"i guess so… um, but you guys don't mind accompanying me to it? just to make sure it's not some weird guy?" upon seeing your hopeful face, the two girls couldn't say no - of course not, you were their precious, innocent friend. as amusing as this situation was to them, they wanted nothing more than to support you and see you happy as well. you had already done a tiny step out of your little, sheltered world and much more was to come.

the ring of your phone nearly scared you to death, making you drop the book you were holding. quietly cursing, you picked it up and placed it on the table before answering the phone. who was even calling you at this time? everyone knew you were busy in the evening, slaving away on your assignments. it must be really important to interrupt your workflow like this- you almost dropped your phone in shock when you recognized ijichi's voice on the other side. admittedly, you forgot about the entire ordeal and didn't expect him to get back to you so soon. "good evening, ms y/n. i'm calling you regarding your inquiry so we can finalize all the details."

"u- uhm yes! thank you for calling!"

although ijichi was kind and patient, you were still nervous as you scribbled the details on a piece of paper. your escort's name was choso, he was a few years older than you and his schedule was very flexible. there wasn't more info, ijichi had announced that choso would call you as soon as possible. dread filled your stomach - it was nerve wracking to meet new people, not to mention someone you hired to be your fake boyfriend for the day. and now that you knew he was calling, all focus and concentration was thrown out the window. silently, you sat at the table and stared at your phone, waiting for the screen to light up. maki and nobara didn't need to know about this new development just yet as you wanted to navigate this on your own before telling them.

not too long after, your phone rang again, an unknown number flashing across the screen. it had to be him. even though you mentally prepared yourself for minutes, the anxiety came back full force. with trembling hands, you picked up, holding your breath as you waited for an answer. a deep, rather dulcet voice greeted you from the other side. you liked the sound of his voice, it almost put you at ease if it wasn't for your mind that constantly reminded you what was going on. you hastily introduced yourself to him and told him why you were requesting his services. the entire time, he was silent and let you speak - although you appreciated that he didn't interrupt you, every second that was passed in silence agonized you.

"hello y/n, my name is choso and i'll be your escort for the time being. ijichi told me you were looking for someone to pose as your fake boyfriend?"

"ah, uh yes sort of! i don't… have any experience when it comes to boyfriends and that kind of stuff. and i- i just wanted to learn what it's like to d- date and- and," your voice got smaller and smaller, until it was a mere whisper that was filled with all kinds of embarrassment that you felt. you couldn't help it, hopefully choso was still able to decipher what you were explaining. "you know, k- kissing and all that stuff. i've never done it with anyone before."

"i see," choso paused for a second, making your heart race. "i can't say i've had this situation before but i'm confident in my skills to guide you through this. before we first meet, let's set some boundaries so you feel comfortable at all times, okay?"

you hummed and nodded, although he couldn't see you over the phone. choso sounded like what nobara had described your ideal type - ijichi really had delivered and chosen the best possible match. choso knew what to say and how to steer the conversation in such a way that it didn't make you feel helpless or anxious. and you, in turn, felt like you could trust him with this issue.

"y- yes! uhm when i first called ijichi, a friend of mine helped me with the process and requested someone who was comfortable with sexual relations but… uh, to be honest, i never thought of requesting them. i'm not entirely sure if i want to do it either… i want to approach this in a slow manner, as slow as possible."

"alright, i can work with that. as for our first meeting, have you picked a time and location?"

you sighed in relief. choso seemed like a really nice and understanding person, leaving most of the options up to you. you knew it was part of his job but it felt nice to know that he was so forthcoming and accommodating. for the first date, you’d chosen a nice restaurant that had good reviews and little private booths. even though there was no way your father would ever magically appear and find out about your escapades, you were still trying to be secretive and cautious. the restaurant was situated in a widespread estate with beautiful gardens, the perfect spot to take stroll after dinner. in all the romance books you’d consumed, these type of dates seemed to be very popular - you thought to yourself why not? as you discussed your plans with him, you briefly wondered what he looked like. it felt weird asking him about it and you'd meet him soon anyways. maybe he looked like what you thought his personality was - like a prince charming? the prince that your dad had always assured you would come along. a small giggle left your lips at the thought of it; it was silly to believe it would turn out to be the love of your life. though it made you giddy thinking of your prince charming.

“is everything okay?”

“ah sorry, everything’s fine! i just had a silly thought a moment ago, that’s all,” reassuring choso quickly, you rubbed your cheeks in embarrassment. he must’ve thought that you were going crazy. “anyways, thank you for um, everything. i feel more comfortable now that i’ve discussed the details with you, thank you for being so patient. i look forward to meeting you!”

on the other end, choso hesitated, startled by your sudden enthusiasm when you were rather shy and timid before. it seemed that you were willing to open up a little more. he was curious himself, never having dealt with such a case before. usually, only experienced people who were looking for eye candy to accompany them to fancy events would hire him. he couldn’t imagine what you were like before meeting - it was nicer to get to know you in person after all, for the sake of a date setting. still, how were you able to afford the services? considering you were most likely a college student, he couldn’t fathom what lengths you went just to gain some experience. though he supposed, he shouldn’t judge you too quickly.

“i look forward to meeting you as well. see you on saturday, y/n.”

for hours you’d gone back and forth between outfits - casual? or more cute? maybe a mix of both? maki wasn’t much of a help either, mostly just giving you a thumbs up for every outfit while nobara had something to criticize about every outfit. you sighed, tossing yet another shirt onto the heaping pile of clothes. it was hard trying to impress someone that you didn’t know. the last item on your list was a simple, flowy dress and it seemed to be the best fit. you didn’t want to agonize over the choices any longer, seeing that the date was inching closer and closer. maki looked like she was bored out of her mind as well, scrolling through her phone as she was lounging on your couch with nobara. “are you sure you’ll be fine?” maki questioned you again. she was relieved about your good mood, how you were less apprehensive about the entire ordeal. when you first told them about choso after the phone call, you sounded slightly excited and were gushing about how nice he had been. you were hopeful that you could learn a lot from him. however, maki couldn’t help but worry about you, constantly making sure you were feeling okay.

“i’m sure i’ll be fine, don’t worry! we agreed to just have dinner today and let me test the waters… we’re really just doing whatever i feel comfortable doing for now,” you explained to the two of them, smoothing out the dress before grabbing your bag. “so yeah, i’m ready, i think. i mean if anything was to happen, i’ll let you know right away. i really have to go now though, you guys coming?”

nobara made a noise of protest, not wanting to get up from your bed which promptly earned her a nudge from maki. you giggled at your friend’s antics, grasping her arm to pull her up. as lighthearted and happy as you acted, you tried to hide your nervousness in front of your friends. worrying them did no good. as the three of you made your way to the restaurant, you checked your phone to see a text message from choso who asked to meet you in front of the building. you agreed, telling him that you would be there soon. the phone pinged again, choso had sent you a simple smiley. it made you grin a little, earning a suggestive glance from nobara whom you gently shoved.

"text us if anything happens, yeah? we can also pick you up afterwards so don't worry about it," maki reminded you again as you rounded the corner of the street, stopping mere meters in front of the restaurant so you could say goodbye to them. again, you reassured them that you would do as they suggested. you would be fine, because after all, choso was a professional. waving at your friends’ retreating figures, you slowly walked towards the entrance and let your eyes wander. the streets were busy, you couldn’t immediately make out anyone who was waiting in front of the restaurant. not that you really knew what choso looked like, you just hoped your search wouldn’t get more difficult with people waiting in the front. glancing at your reflection on the windows of a parking car, you made sure that you looked presentable and approachable.

“y/n?” your soul nearly left your body as you got startled by a deep voice behind you, now suddenly being aware of the figure behind you. whirling around, you almost hit the other person with your small bag with the swing. your eyes widened and you apologized profusely, fussing around to make sure the person was okay until you paused. wait a minute. this person knew your name. abruptly leaning back so you could look at the person’s face - they were very, very tall - you incredulously stared at them before spluttering: “c- choso? you’re choso?”

the taller male nodded, gently grasping your shoulders to steady you. on your bare skin, his hands felt scalding hot, making you painfully aware of how close you stood to each other. choso, for a lack of better terms, looked nothing like you’d expected but you couldn’t complain. he was attractive, very much so. he almost fit into the bad boy category, the type of men your dad would never let you close to. you felt inexplicably drawn to choso, like a moth to flames and you just couldn’t look away. he stared back at you, dark eyes glinting with concern as he took in your form. as your voice had suggested, you appeared to be a rather shy and timid person, looking at him like a deer in headlights. choso thought you were adorable, the way you were holding onto the sleeves of his shirt to not fall.

“i’m so sorry, i didn’t mean to hit you! you just really scared me there,” you apologized again, letting go of the fabric in embarrassment. luckily, he didn’t seem to mind, patiently waiting until you were composed again.

“don’t worry about it, i’m okay. it’s nice to finally meet you. should we head inside?” he offered you his arm which you gratefully took and followed him inside. truth to be told, you were starstruck by him, still too flabbergasted to say another word. thankfully, choso had picked up on your speechlessness, silently chuckling to himself as he led you to your private booth. you sat across from him, quietly thanking the waiter as he handed you the menu. eyes flitting back and forth between it and choso, you fiddled with the hem of your dress. what would you even talk about? you felt awkward, not knowing what to ask him; your confidence had suddenly vanished with the earlier incident.

“you look like you’re about to faint,” choso teased you, giving you a cheeky smile. “i’m not gonna bite you, i promise. i’m supposed to be your fake boyfriend, right? ask me whatever you want, just act like we’re good friends. it’ll get better with time.”

you nodded eagerly, face heating up at the mention of boyfriends. how does one even act around them without prior experience? let’s not dwell on it for too long, you thought to yourself. fidgeting on your seat, you pointed at the menu. "do you already know what you'll be getting? a lot of people online recommended their signature dish so i thought we could try it… but all of their dishes sound really good!"

“how about we order different dishes and try from each other then?” choso suggested in response, amusedly watching how your eyes lit up at his idea. you nodded quickly, delving back into the menu to find your desired dish. glancing over to his side to see what he was looking at, you then pushed your menu over to him, pointing at the dish you would be ordering. choso nodded in understanding, skimming the pages until he found a dish that complimented it. not wanting to let you wait any longer, he gave the waiter a sign, ordering for the two of you. across of him, you stayed quiet, still contemplating what to ask him.

“feel free to ask me anything,” choso reminded you again, propping his chin on his hand and leaned closer to you. “when you first get to know someone, dates are really just to spend time with each other and getting to know the other person. if there’s something you two have in common, you’ll just go from there and bond over it, yeah?”

humming in thought, you nodded and looked up at him. “so uhm… what do you like to do in your free time? i’m still in uni, so i spend most of my days studying. but i really like reading when i’m free and i also volunteer at an animal shelter. the pets there make me really happy!”

“my job takes up the majority of my time, so i try to spend time with family and friends as much as possible. my younger brother has gotten me into surfing and paddle boarding, i really enjoy doing that. what do you study, if i may ask?”

“i want to become a veterinarian in the future! it’s been my dream ever since i was younger, so yeah… you said you have a younger brother? i have an older sister but we don’t have much in common since she’s a lot older than me. but um surfing! so you spend a lot of time at the beach, right? i haven’t been there in a long time.”

“if you still wish to continue after today’s date, we could go to the beach next time? i can teach you, it’s not that difficult.”

surprised, your eyes widened at his suggestion. he seemed to be confident that there would be a next time and you couldn’t even deny that possibility. so far, you were easing into the conversation more and more - the process was more natural than the whole setting suggested. though he still made you nervous, he had been nothing but respectful of your space and friendly. not to mention that you were attracted to him as well; if you hadn’t hired him, you could imagine actually getting close to him.

"i- i'd love that." as you told him more about yourself and listened to his stories, you didn’t notice how much time had passed until the waiter suddenly appeared in front of you, presenting you the dishes. your mouth was watering at the sight of the delicious dishes, you couldn’t wait to dig in. quickly thanking the waiter, you then took a bite from the dish after he left. you sighed in satisfaction, taking your time to properly taste the first bite.

“this is so good, you need to try it!” you gushed, pushing your plate closer to the middle of the table. choso chuckled, sharing his plate with you as well. as you took in all the side dishes, he'd already taken it upon himself to pick up a smaller piece with his chopsticks, nudging it towards you. you looked at him confused, then back at the small piece of food. was he trying to-? carefully, you leaned in and let him feed you, confusion and hesitation immediately melting at the taste. the food made you happy, but the unusual intimacy and closeness that he just showed you wasn't lost in between the myriad emotions.

as you had dinner, the previous conversation continued. choso was a few years older than you, has been working in this industry for two years now and preferred coffee over tea. he disliked early mornings and liked to sleep in until noon. his most precious and valued object was a polaroid camera, he wanted to have photos commemorating important occasions or moments that were special to him. all these little details made you feel like he was less of an escort that you'd hired but more of a friend. much to your surprise, the conversation ran smoothly and there were no awkward, silent gaps. you supposed it was only natural; you felt comfortable with him so it was easy to talk. had it been any other guy who didn't understand you or your intentions so well, you probably would've closed up.

"do you want to take a stroll around the estate? i heard the gardens are really beautiful," you asked choso, a hopeful glint in your eyes. dinner was finished long ago, silence filled with light conversation and teasing from choso’s side. you weren’t sure where to go from this or how to suggest being… more intimate. choso had suggested you would go slow - but how slow was too slow? and if you were to go with the flow, when would be the right time?

“i would love to,” choso’s reply pulled you out of your thoughts, focusing your attention back to him. lost in your thoughts, you nodded and called a waitress over to pay the bill. you felt choso’s gaze on you, making you queasy. what did he think of you? or this entire ordeal? you wondered. as he stood up and moved behind you, you nearly jumped out of your skin when he placed his hand on the small of your back, guiding you out of the restaurant. the touch was unfamiliar, heavy and scalding even through your clothes, but not unwelcome. a strange feeling welled up in your chest, crawling its way up your throat, constricting it in such a way that it distracted you from coherent thoughts.

seeming to notice your conflict, choso stepped to the side, offering you his hand. you glanced at it, hesitating. “boyfriend experience, remember?” he grinned at you, patiently waiting until you took his hand. his hand was much bigger, almost entirely engulfing yours as you intertwined your fingers. gently swinging your arms back and forth with the flow, choso lead the way through the paths of the garden. having looked forward to it, you suddenly found yourself too distracted by him. the flowers and trees were beautiful and so were the statues but he was the one that caught your attention.

“my hands aren’t sweaty, are they?” you asked after a moment of silence, stopping to face choso. he laughed and shook his head, flicking your forehead gently.

“stop worrying about things too much, you’ll be fine. you don’t see me complaining, do you?”

“i mean that’s true… but i can’t help it! there’s just a lot to uh, think about…” your voice trailed off, you let his hand go to cover your face in embarrassment. choso inched closer to you, grasping your hands to pry them off your face. remaining stubborn, you pulled them back in, a giggle breaking from your lips when he tried again, playfully pinching your cheeks.

“want me to take your mind off said things?” he asked with a low voice, inching in further until your back hit a tree trunk behind you. he was so close, too too close. weakly, you pushed at his chest, trying to get him to back off. the sudden closeness that threw you off - your heart was racing at a million miles an hour, the endless possibilities dancing around your head. “how so?” your voice came out quiet and breathless, as if you were anticipating anything, something… his touch perhaps?

“do you feel comfortable with me?” without hesitating, you nodded in agreement. choso didn’t question you any further, simply gave you a knowing smile before diving in and pressing his lips against yours. instinctively, you stiffened, hands clenching around the fabric of choso’s shirt. breath caught up in your throat, you struggled to ease into it. you pulled away from him, squeezing your eyes shut in shame.

“i’m sorry that-”

“don’t apologize,” choso comforted you quickly, clasping your hands in his and intertwining them. thumbs gently rubbing the back of your hands, he lifted one of them to press a kiss against your knuckles. you blinked perplexed; your heart fluttered at the gesture. “don’t overthink it, there’s no science to it, yeah? just follow the flow, whatever feels good. we’ll go from there.”

giving you a moment to collect yourself, he leaned back in, silently waiting for permission. again, your breath hitched but this time, it wasn’t the nervousness. it was his eyes that drew you in, demanding all of your attention. dark, with unknown depths, that glimmered with mischief. ever so slightly, you tilted your head up to meet his lips. his warm lips pressed against yours, slowly testing the waters and letting you set the pace before deepening the kiss. now less hesitant, you kissed him back with more fervour, losing yourself in the feeling. it felt awkward and strange now that you let him guide you, leaving more space for you to ponder about the feeling that it evoked inside of you. you were glad he was holding your hands, otherwise you wouldn’t know what to do with yourself. the kiss brought forth a pleasant, tingling feeling - the sort of feeling that pulled you in, lulling you in warmth.

when choso pulled away, you almost mewled in disappointment, chasing after him. he let out a breathy laugh, cupping your cheek. “how did that feel? was it okay?”

“y- yeah, i liked it. felt very strange at first but once i was able to ease into it, it was… more natural and felt really good,” you explained to him shyly, leaning into his hand. longingly, you gazed at him. would it be weird to ask for another kiss? you wanted explore the feelings more, the intimacy of it, wanted to feel more of him. as if sensing that you were craving more, choso leaned in again, stopping a few centimeters in front of your face. with a sudden surge of boldness, you closed the distance between you, leaning up to kiss him. choso's arm snaked around your waist, pressing you closer to his body. gradually your body felt hotter, a dull ache accompanying it, spreading across the expanse of your stomach.

before you could act on the urge, choso pulled away again, pressing an apologetic kiss to the corner of your lips. "sorry, i don't want to get too carried away and we're… uh in public," he laughed at your horrified expression upon realizing your mistake. "i take it that you're still comfortable with this? do let me know if it gets too overwhelming for you.”

“n- no, it’s fine! it was uh, an interesting insight. i just wasn’t expecting to really get into this, considering- considering i hired you for this and don’t really know you.”

choso hummed in agreement. “i guess there has to be at least a smidge of attraction for it to work, yeah?” you looked at him stunned, trying to decipher the look in his eyes. you couldn’t place it; couldn’t place the feeling of longing that was emerging in you. when he looked at you like that, it was difficult to remind yourself that he was just an escort that you hired for your personal problems. when he looked at you like that, it filled you with warmth, making you want to pretend that he really cared about you as if you were in a relationship.

“yeah… yeah, i guess so.”

nervously, you were twiddling with your phone, contemplating whether to text choso or not. after the last “date”, you felt confident enough in continuing your… relationship of sorts. he was great at guiding you, always making sure you were comfortable and moving at your pace. you did let him know that you would book another session, you just hadn’t set up a date or time yet. and casually texting him felt awkward. hey, how’s your day? oh by the way, i wanna book another session so we can make out haha? maybe calling was a better idea. there was no plan ahead, never did you think you would even get this far.

the dial tone made you nervous. you chewed on your bottom lip as you waited for him to pick up, bouncing your leg up and down. maybe he was busy? it was early in the afternoon after all, he was probably already out with other clients. “hello? y/n?” choso sounded groggy, his voice raspy and deep as if he’d just gotten up. it sent electric shocks right down your spine, raising goosebumps across your skin. never had you thought about a man’s morning voice before, but choso had you wondering, imagining. you spluttered: “oh hey uh are you busy? i’m not interrupting you with something, am i?”

“not at all, i just got up,” choso admitted with a quiet chuckle. “everything okay? are you calling in for another appointment?”

“ah, yeah! i thought that we worked quite well and there’s still a few more things i want to learn with you, if you’re up for it? if you’re comfortable with it too, of course!”

“mhmm, i wouldn’t mind,” choso pondered from the other side. sounds of rustling and a few clangs resounded before you could clearly hear his voice again. you were glad that he agreed to it, meaning that you weren’t entirely… hopeless in that department. for days, his words were ghosting around in your head, a constant reminder that he seemed to find you attractive as well. not that he showed it, staying professional despite the nature of your relationship. it was nice to imagine that someone would look at you like that, at your shy and timid self.

choso was meticulous about his work, working on every detail and concern until he was satisfied. even though he looked so easy going, from time to time he had to admit that he was a perfectionist and easily frustrated when something didn't go the way he expected. so when you rolled around, so innocently asking for help, it threw him off. the feelings of confusion grew when he first met you, unable to pinpoint the origin of this urge, possessive and demanding, reaching its tendrils out to you. the way you reached out to him for help, the fact that you wanted to continue, wanted him to teach you. it thrilled him to the core when it really should not. he had to remain professional. but he was curious, so curious. indulging a little wouldn't hurt, right?

to choso's surprise, the next venue you'd chosen was the own comfort of your home. you were barely acquaintances, more like strangers, and yet you felt confident to invite him here. at the phone you had told him that your friends thought you had weird ideas about dates due to only seeing glorified versions of them on tv shows and movies. it embarrassed you enough to take their advice, inviting choso over for a movie night as opposed to visiting another fancy venue with him. prior to the date, you went through movie suggestions and rented the ones that you thought were interesting and enjoyable for the two of you. despite your put together attire and look, your apartment did not reflect the sentiment. it was a little chaotic; books and paper stacking up in every free corner of the apartment, pens strewn across surfaces and here and there choso could spot memorabilia and photos.

you gave choso an apologetic look when you let him in. despite your best efforts to clean up, you were still not happy with the outcome. tidying wasn't your strong suit but you tried to make it as accommodating as possible. choso assured you that he didn't mind at all, telling you that it added to the charm of the apartment. it was unusual to have someone other than your friends or family in the apartment - your home was your sacred space that you rarely ever showed anyone else, let alone someone you had hired. choso took a seat on the couch, turning to look at you as you went to grab some glasses and drinks.

"i uh, told my friends about my plans and they just told me i have weird expectations of dates," you explained choso, placing the items you'd grabbed on the coffee table and rubbed the back of your neck sheepishly. "they said it would probably just be better to have a simple movie night since a lot of people do that. and it would… make things a lot easier i- if we go fu- further…" the implication was hanging in the air, you didn't dare to speak them out. choso gave you a knowing smile, patting the empty space beside him. gingerly, you sat next to him, squeaking in surprise when he snaked an arm around your waist and pulled you to his side. with wide eyes, you stared at him, still trying to wrap your head around the casual close proximity with the taller male.

wordlessly, you started a random movie, trying to focus on it. throughout the duration of it, choso would ask you questions about your day, how uni was going or whether you felt comfortable. you couldn't focus, not with him being so close. how you made it through the first movie you didn't know. you were hyper aware of choso's wandering hands, the ghost touches his fingers left, how he absentmindedly rubbed your legs that were resting on his lap. straining to keep your eyes on the screen, your neck already felt stiff from the tension.

"i can tell that you're distracted, you know?" choso hummed, hands squeezing your legs gently to catch your attention. pretending to not be affected by it, you shook your head. you didn't want to show him that you wanted to proceed, not yet.

"i'm trying to concentrate," you shushed him quietly, playfully pushing at his arm but still not looking over to him. silence. you assumed you'd convinced him that there was nothing wrong until you felt his hands innocently move a little higher, rubbing the top of your thighs. clenching your fists, you stayed put, unwavering in your resolve. choso's hands wandered, alternating between featherlight touches to using more pressure. he kept his eyes on you, gauging your reactions to him. you brought your hand up to cover half of your face. it was embarrassing, the way your breath came out laboured in response. without warning, arms were hooked under your knees, dragging you across the couch and seated you on his lap. you made a noise in protest, now finally paying attention to him. choso wasn’t sure why but it had bothered him that you were so adamant on keeping your attention on the movie as opposed to keeping your eyes on him.

choso wasn’t sure why but he craved your attention, wanted you to look at him only. his resolve crumbled when you looked at him with wide eyes, grasping the sleeves of his shirt to steady yourself. he couldn’t help but kiss you, swallowing your surprised mewl before you returned the kiss. pleased at your eagerness, he gradually deepened the kiss, licking at the seams of your lips. you gasp in surprise and parted your lips slightly, whimpering in anticipation. it felt unfamiliar and yet thrilling at the same time, fueling and flaring up the dull ache in the pit of your stomach. before choso could go any further, you pulled away and hid your face in the crook of his neck. “what’s wrong? did i go too far?” he questioned concerned, rubbing your back in soothing circles.

“no, no, not at all,” reassuring him quickly, you awkwardly turned in his lap, legs still thrown over it. “i uh just wanted to try to take initiative myself, figure things out without getting hints from you… if that’s okay?”

a sigh of relief left choso’s lips. silently, he gave you his approval and leaned back, watching as you shuffled clumsily. finally, you straddled his lap and placed your hands on his chest. in the dim light, you couldn’t make out his face expression - choso was glad that you couldn’t, otherwise you would have been able to see how much it was affecting him, how he was slowly losing his composure and control around you. but this was about you, he was there to help you explore this type of intimacy. releasing another shaky breath, you then leaned in and softly kissed him. you kept a languid tempo, slowly and surely cracking his restraint. trying to mirror what he’d done earlier, you pushed further, timidly licking into his mouth as he parted his lips.

seemingly not being able to hold back anymore, choso pushed against you with equally as much fervour, gripping your chin and tilting your head ever so slightly. his lips moved against yours, sucking your bottom lip, eliciting a whimper from you. again the ache in the pit of your stomach was flaring up, uncomfortable and yearning for relief; you moved against his lap, pressing your body against his when your crotch dragged against the bulge in his jeans. choso groaned, hands flying to grasp your hips and steady you.

dazed, you gave him a confused look. choso cleared his throat, lifting his hips ever so slightly so you could feel his arousal again. when the realization hit you, your face heated up - you were surprised to find out that he felt aroused… by you.

“oh.”

“yeah.” choso retorted dryly, hands rubbing at his face in embarrassment. “fuck, i’m so sorry. it wasn’t meant to get out of hand like this, i don’t know how far you planned ahead for today but i-”

“uhm if you don’t mind…” you hesitated. but curiosity simply got the better of you, you wanted to see him breathless and feel as hot and bothered as you did. “could i uhm. you know? give you a handjob? only if you don’t mind because i want to know how to please uhm, please people.”

choso swore under his breath. you had no idea how painfully hard you were making him. quietly encouraging you, he leaned in to kiss you again and guided your hands to his jeans. you fumbled with the button and zipper, hands trembling slightly. it took you a few tries until you were finally able to unzip his pants, a giggle left your lips at the thought of how clumsy you were. your hands gently rubbed at the tent in his boxers, breath hitching as choso’s hips jerked. gaining some courage, you slightly put on more pressure and watched fascinated when choso’s fingers digged into the fleshy skin of your hips in anticipation. slowly, you pulled the waistband of his boxers down until it revealed his cock. choso hissed at the cold air that was biting at his skin.

carefully, you wrapped your hand around the shaft, marvelling at how the skin felt on your hands. sensing your cluelessness, choso wrapped his larger hand around yours and guided you into a slow rhythm to get you used to the movement. sucking in a deep breath between his teeth, he praised you: “you’re doing good, y/n. fuck, you’re being such a good girl.”

your heart soared at the praise. eagerly, you leaned up to kiss him, still stroking him in slow movements. choso moaned against your lips, the deep sound spurring you on, eager to hear more of his reactions. when you finally felt more comfortable continuing on your own, choso pulled his hands away and instead settled them on the small of your back, sliding them down until they were resting on your bum. you wrapped your other hand around him as well and paid attention to his reactions, adjusting the pressure and pace accordingly. choso buried his face in the crook of your neck, whispering sweet praises in between his moans. eventually your name left his lips; it set your entire body in flames, desperate want clinging onto your bones.

“fuck, i’m close,” he groans against the skin of your neck, hips rutting up to meet your movements more frantically now. you weren’t entirely sure what to do, opting to simply match the pace. shudders wrecked through choso’s body as he came, warm cum painting your small hands and running down your fingers. he was panting, leaning back against the couch and watching you with hooded eyes. the sight in front of you stirred something inside of you - choso’s flushed face, the slight sheen of sweat on his skin, his kiss-bitten lips. with curiosity, you inspected the liquid on your hand. lazily, choso grasped your wrist, holding them away from you. “‘m sorry. do you have a tissue?”

you tilted your head, tugging on the sleeves of his sweater with your other hand. “uh i- i’ve heard from others… um. can i try?” you asked quietly. choso’s grip on your wrist weakened; he gave you an incredulous look, as if you few two heads. out of all things, he didn’t expect you to suggest that. fuck, he felt the blood rushing right back down to his cock. just the thought of you, doing that - it was enough to make him cum again. “go ahead, if you feel like it,” choso whispered in a low voice. dark urges overcame him again, begging him to give in, to make you bend to his will, to submit, to-

his thoughts came to a screeching halt when he saw you unashamedly pop a finger in your mouth, licking the come from it. there wasn’t any reaction from you really, you gave him a sheepish smile afterwards and gratefully took the tissue he offered you. he helped you wipe your hands, diving in for another kiss. “sorry, i think i just short circuited,” choso laughed embarrassedly, another kiss was pressed to your temple. “that was just… uh- fuck.”

“r- really?” you stammered, hiding your face in your hands. “it’s okay if it wasn’t that great for you, it was my first time after all, i-”

choso hushed you, going for another open mouthed kiss, eliciting a whimper from you. “yeah, really. fuck, the things i want to do to you,” he shook his head, not wanting to get sidetracked again. “but this is about you. we’ll only go as far as you’re comfortable. did you feel like you learned enough for today?”

“mh- hmm. thank you,” you leaned your head against his chest, closing your eyes as a sudden tiredness washed over you. choso’s fingers dancing across your skin were slowly lulling you into a comfortable slumber. “what is it that you want to do to me? will you show me one day?”

choso cursed, shivers running down his spine.

“if you want to, of course.”

-----------

now that you’d met choso a couple of times, it was pretty obvious that you took some liking to him. after that fateful day, nothing else had happened as you wanted to work on easing into relationship dynamics and feeling less insecure about things - choso had been nothing but sweet and mindful about it, even went out of his way to find suitable locations for your dates. somewhere along the way you had started to text more casually, the strictly business type texting long forgotten. gradually, the two of you opened up to each other, the lines between escort and client slowly blurring and intertwining.

choso had promised to pick you up after your shift at the animal shelter for your next date; for today he had suggested you come over to his place for a change. the thought that he was willing to let you in his home, let you have a glimpse into his personal life, it made you giddy with anticipation. despite getting closer to each other, he remained a mysterious person and you didn't want to pry. after all, you were merely his client. but what if you were more- patting your cheeks to put some sense back into you, you leaned down to pet the dogs. unbeknownst to you, choso had already entered the building and watched you with a soft smile as you gave each of the dogs their deserved belly rubs before you left.

you didn't take any notice of him until some of the dogs perked up and carefully trudged over to sniff at the stranger. turning around on your heels, your eyes widened as you took in choso's tall figure. you quickly apologized, telling him that you would be joining him right away to which he simply shook his head and reassured you that you were fine. your co-workers were eyeing choso curiously, one of them wiggling their eyebrows at you. in response, you waved it off, too embarrassed to set the record straight. choso looked so awfully much like a boyfriend in this moment - the way he was dressed in casual clothes that accentuated his physical features so well, the soft smile he gave you as he offered you his hand to take, the way he sounded genuinely interested and curious when he asked you about your day.

silently, you took his hand and followed him out of the building - you could feel your co-workers’ inquisitive gazes like laser beams on your back. while they were never particularly nosy about your personal life, it was unusual that someone would pick you up from work; much less someone that you seemed to be romantically interested in. surely, they would grill you the next time you would return to work. “they think you’re my boyfriend,” you explained to choso sheepishly, glancing down at your intertwined hands. choso squeezed your hand and nudged your side gently. “am i not?” he winked at you cheekily, making your face heat up. he had asked in such a serious voice that you’d briefly questioned yourself.

“n- no, not really,” you replied quietly, looking away from him. choso reached around you to open the car door for you. in the window reflection you could see his face expression; it was rather somber, almost as if your words had hurt him in a way. the emotion was gone from his face when you blinked. maybe you had just imagined it. getting close to him on that level was unattainable, no matter how you twisted it. it just wasn't right.

the car ride was mostly quiet, only the sound of choso's car playlist accompanying you. somewhere along the way he had reached out to intertwine your fingers, resting his hand on your thigh. holding hands was almost natural to you now, the way his hands automatically sought out yours whenever possible. in response, your heart was racing, filling with the all too familiar feeling of yearning. whether you were simply yearning for the intimacy and closeness of a relationship or for him, you weren't entirely sure. while choso had told you about himself for the sake of the fake dating, there were still unknown facettes. it was impossible for you to get to know all of him, not when he was selling a fantasy to you. and yet, you found yourself craving more of him, beyond what he was willing to show you.

choso parked his car in the garage, turning his body sideways so he could look at you. "you okay? you look like you were quite lost in thoughts," he hummed curiously, rubbing circles on the back of your hand. what could you possibly answer to that? hey i'm questioning our fake relationship and it's going beyond what i expected? abruptly, choso hoisted you across the seat onto his lap as if you'd weighed nothing. "a penny for your thoughts? or should i take your mind off things?"

"i- i think i would… rather not talk about it," you whispered quietly, gaze skirting away from his eyes. choso frowned, slightly irritated - he had a small inkling why he reacted this way but banned the thought to the back of his head. he understood that as a client, you wouldn't disclose details of your private life to him. but he found it difficult to circumvent your dropping mood when he couldn't tell what was going on.

"i understand," choso was about to open the door when you suddenly cupped his chin and dove in for a kiss. he was caught off guard - rarely did you ever initiate kisses, usually shyly asking beforehand. feeling bold, you pressed you pressed your hips down, grinding against his crotch. choso groaned, gripping your hips to guide you while thrusting his hips up to meet yours. he enjoyed how you shuddered at the newfound pleasure, the delicious friction making your toes curl. "does baby want me to take her mind off things?" he murmured with a raspy voice, peppering kisses across your jaw.

"please," you mewled needily, hands grabbing onto his shoulders, fingers digging into his skin. choso complied, sliding his hand up to tangle in your hair and gently pulled at it, tilting your head back. you were panting by the time he was moving down the column of your neck, nipping and sucking at your skin. lower and lower, until he reached the top of your breasts; with swift movements, he yanked your shirt and bra upso , pressing open mouthed kisses to them before wrapping his lips around your nipple. your voice cracked as you moaned his name, hands flying up to bury your hands in his hair. distracted by the ministrations, you didn’t notice choso’s free hand sliding down your front until you feel the coldness of his hands on your skin. you squirmed, giggling at the cool sensation - the giggle died abruptly when he dove lower, fingers rubbing your clothed pussy languidly.

“c- choso! we’re still in the g- garage, people can see!” you stuttered scandalized, tugging at the tips of his hair to grab his attention. choso simply hummed, carrying on as if you hadn’t just told him your concerns. rubbing circles on your clit, he watched with satisfaction how your legs were trembling, writhing in pleasure. just the sight of you - hickeys on your neck, slightly swollen lips, shirt pushed up to reveal your tits, his hands down your pants - it was so arousing and thrilling, he almost didn’t want to stop.

“the windows are tinted and no one’s around at this time… do you really want me to stop?” he murmured with a low voice, fingers pushing your panties to the side to gather the slick up on his fingers. “look at you, how much you’re craving it. the want is written all over your face, baby. do you want to stop now?”

before you know it, choso’s hand is suddenly hovering over your face, fingers glimmering with your arousal. you shot him a dazed look, confusion evident on your face. “open,” he instructed softly, slowly and carefully sliding his fingers in your mouth. almost instinctively, your hands gingerly grasped his wrist. your lips wrapped around them, tasting the liquid curiously. his breath hitched, blood shooting down his groin - fuck, you were going to kill him. tentatively, he thrusted his fingers, slow enough so he could gauge your reaction to it. you didn’t know what it was - the taste of yourself, the weight of his fingers on your tongue, the way he was looking at you with hooded eyes and a hungry expression on his face; it made you squirm, eagerly for more. choso immediately took notice of your sudden mood shift. barely noticeable, your hips were rocking back and forth as you sucked on his fingers, cleaning them of your slick.

with a pop, choso removed his fingers. you whimpered his name, gasping in relief when he slid them back down, moving your panties to the side. his thumb found your clit, rubbing the little nub gently in slow circles. as if he was in no hurry and unbothered by the prospect that someone could actually spot you, he continued his ministrations. your legs jerked, threatening to close when you felt his fingers prod at your entrance. excruciatingly slow, he sunk a finger into you. the feeling was unfamiliar, almost uncomfortable at first. seizing up, you clenched around the finger. “relax, ease into it,” choso whispered reassuringly, capturing your lips in a kiss. “it’ll feel good, i promise.”

choso inserted a second finger, letting you get used to the feeling of them. the kisses he was peppering on your chest were distracting you from the burning stretch, creating a confusing mix between pain and pleasure. “how are you feeling?”

“f- feels good, i- i-” you were struggling to form coherent sentences, too focused on how he was lapping at your nipples, sucking and kissing them gently. “y- you can continue…”

steadily, choso started to thrust his fingers into you - gradually, the burn was disappearing and replaced by a delicious stretch, pleasure that was spreading throughout your body and setting your nerves on fire. desperately clinging onto his shirt, you hid your face in the crook of his neck. choso placed a kiss on the crown of your head, whispering sweet praises and telling you what a good girl you were. it felt good, so good but something was missing, you needed something, maybe more. you started begging and despite blabbering nonsensical things, choso understood what you were asking of him. his fingers hit a peculiar spot inside of you when he curled them, making you jerk in surprise. “o- oh!” again and again, choso was hitting the spot, making you writhe on his lap.

something was building up in the pit of your stomach, like a tightened coil that was about to snap at any time. panicking slightly, you grabbed choso’s hand and tried to close your legs, wiggling away from him: “h- hey wait, i-” another moan broke from your lips when choso sealed your lips with his and wrapped his arm around your waist, locking you in place. “it’s okay, let go, baby. cum for me,” he whispered against your lips, sinking his fingers in you one last time. and then the coil snapped, the high crashing over you like a riptide, so blinding and intense that it took you a while to come down from it. your thighs were still trembling by the time you came back to your senses, ripples of pleasure still cursing through you.

you slump against choso's chest, exhausted from the intensity of your orgasm but feeling wonderfully blissed out. choso removed his hand from you, licking your arousal from his fingers before wiping them off on a paper towel. he brushed his fingers through your hair, pressing a kiss on your forehead. "how are you feeling? can you move?"

"my legs feel like jelly," your voice came out muffled, face still pressed into his chest. "'m feeling good though. that was… really nice."

"i'll carry you upstairs," choso declared matter-of-factly, hoisting you up so he could carry you. you slung your arms around his neck, pecking the side of his neck. his scent was faint but calming, lulling you into a sense of home and comfort. you wanted to stay close to him like this, just having him hold you in his arms. a myriad of emotions welled up in you, swallowing all your doubts until all that was left was the budding blossoms of your feelings for him, nurtured by his soft touches and adoring treatment. you wanted to cherish him, keep him close for as long as you could, as long as you could still have him.

"thank you."

"for what?" choso sounded surprised.

"taking care of me? i mean i pay you for it but i still wanted to let you know that i appreciate it."

“everything for you, baby,” choso replied softly, tightening his grip around you. as you got to his apartment, choso placed you on the couch and knelt down, hands wrapping around yours. “do you want to get changed? i’ll lend you some of my clothes, you can get changed in my room or in the bathroom if you want to freshen up.”

he was so so considerate, you couldn’t believe someone as nice as him existed out there. as you agreed, choso disappeared in his room; the sound of opening doors and drawers as well as rustling resounded from his room. you took the opportunity to observe his home. it was a small but cozy apartment, despite being sparsely decorated. in the back of the living room, you could spot some bags and boxes, presumably choso’s surfing equipment, as well as posters and photos cluttered on a pinboard. here and there, some little figurines and trinkets were spread across the apartment. although it was cozy, the apartment lacked some kind of presence, some warmth. you assumed that it had to do with choso’s job - he probably was rarely home between work and spending time with friends and family.

“here you go,” choso handed you a big sweatshirt and some shorts as he came back, patting your head teasingly. “go and get changed, i’ll start preparing dinner, yeah?”

you hid in the bathroom and got changed, neatly folding your clothes and stacking them on the counter. inspecting yourself in the mirror, you admired the size of choso’s sweater - it was a simple and cream coloured sweater that was entirely dwarfing and engulfing you. the sleeves were way too long and the hem almost reached your knees. but it was soft and comfy, coming close to choso’s hugs. you pulled the shorts up your legs, awkwardly securing them by tucking them underneath the sweater. choso had set up some boiling water and was silently chopping vegetables by the time you left the bathroom and tip toed towards the kitchen. “can i help you with anything?”

“no it’s okay, take a seat. do you want anything to drink? water? tea?” reluctantly, you sat at the small table on the side, pouting at him. choso simply laughed and shook his head, bringing a glass of water over. your heart jumped in surprise when he kissed your forehead as he placed the glass on the table. “i’ll take care of you for today. boyfriend duties, remember? the past times you’ve always taken us out on restaurants and incredible locations and now it’s my turn to show you the boyfriend magic.”

sudden dread filled your stomach. how could choso be so warm and kind-hearted to you, when you weren’t even in a relationship? you keep having to remind yourself that this was what he was doing for a living, that you might possibly never know the real him. that this might just be a mask that he kept on for the sake of your requests. you didn’t reply, deep in your thoughts as you stared at the glass of water. choso returned back to his previous task, cooking dinner in silence. your chest felt heavy with uncertainty and disappointment - you tried your best to push the emotions down. they were irrational, you knew full well what you were getting yourself into when you asked for his service.

thankfully, choso didn’t seem to have picked up on your sullen mood, even throughout dinner - you let no emotions shine through when you conversed with him, choosing to keep it lighthearted. you offered to wash the dishes, not wanting him to lift another finger when you could help him in return. as you scrubbed the bowls, choso creeped up behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist, placing his chin on your shoulder. “you wanna watch a movie? or go to bed already? you’ve had a long day at work after all.”

“hmm, yeah. i think i’d prefer going to bed, if that’s okay for you?”

“i could never say no to cuddles,” choso hummed, capturing your lips in another kiss. you whimpered against them, not being able to resist him. he moaned against your lips, grip on you tightening. “please don’t tempt me, it’s so hard to say no to you,” he warned you with a strained voice.

your face grew warm at the memories of a few hours ago. you couldn’t believe you let him do that, let him finger you in his car in the garage. no one had seen you and you were thankful for that but you wanted the ground to swallow you whole at the thought of someone possibly snitching on you. your father would lose his mind. “is- is it not what you want?”

“of course i do, but not today. baby steps, remember? we have all the time in the world. and i can assure you that i very much want you,” with one last peck on your lips, he removed himself from you and disappeared in his room. he wanted you. your heart was soaring at his confession. you were relieved to know that he was craving you as much as you were yearning for him. maybe you would indulge, just for a couple more times until you would inevitably have to cut off the relationship. you felt at peace with your decision, you told yourself. nothing good would come from false hope.

after washing up, you joined choso on the bed, shyly crawling towards him as he opened his arms and welcomed you. he pulled you into his chest, nearly crushing you with his weight. it made you giggle and squirm in his arms, trying to wiggle out of his hold. choso was having none of it, peppering kisses all over your face as he trapped you in place. gasping for air in between your carefree laughter, you weakly pushed at his head, squealing when he dove in to blow raspberries on your neck. he showed mercy and let up, instead curiously inspecting your neck as he pulled the neckline of your, no his, sweater down. something dark was glinting in his eyes as his eyes zoomed in on the hickeys he had left on your neck and chest - he felt strangely satisfied, pleased with his work of art. a sliver of possessiveness overcame him as he traced the trail of red marks on your neck, humming quietly.

“something wrong with my neck?” you questioned confused, not having spotted the hickeys yet. choso shook his head, simply laid back on his side again to look at you. “not at all. was just inspecting the hickeys i left on you.”

“you left marks?” you gaped at him, mildly shocked at the revelation. though he was preoccupied with your neck earlier, you didn’t expect him to actually leave so many marks, much less ones that were visible. “is… is that a common occurrence?”

“for couples? i think so. but i can’t speak for everyone; if it was me, i would do it frequently. stake my claim on you, let everyone know that you’re mine,” choso replied and casually draped the blanket over the two of you, as if he didn’t just admit to doing something he would normally do with a lover. did he think of you as his? you struggled to decipher his actions, not being able to match it with a specific reason.

“that’s uh-” your stuttering was interrupted by another horrifying thought. “oh god, i can’t let my parents see this, they will kill me.”

choso shot you a confused look. you hadn’t told him about your parents yet or how you were hiding this from them.

“my parents… especially my dad, are very cautious about letting me venture out in romantic relationships. it’s mostly because he didn’t feel like anyone was good enough for me and because he didn’t want me to get hurt. sometimes i felt like those princesses locked up in a tower, you know? so i decided to explore and uh, hired you. i didn’t want to burden my friends with having to help me gain some experience,” you explained to choso, eyes widening when he suddenly grabbed your hand and pressed a kiss to it. he winked at you cheekily before leaning over you to turn off the lights. you felt him press a gentle kiss to your lips but you couldn’t make out his face expression in the dark. choso preferred it like this, so you couldn’t tell the vulnerable look on his face, the ache of knowing that he could never fully be yours.

“then i’m glad i get to serve a princess such as you.”

----------

“you’ve been spending an awful lot of time with choso,” nobara commented as she took a sip from her coffee, reaching out to grab one of the muffins you had ordered. you looked away in embarrassment. it’s been nearly two months since you’ve started to meet up with choso. your dates became more frequent, even the casual texting continued. and yet you hadn’t really told your friends about your progress or how you felt about him, either brushing it off or giving them vague details. it was only natural that nobara and maki grew suspicious, vowing to grill you about it the next time you would meet up. “have you done the deed?”

“n- no! not yet,” you answered hastily, the topic still making you feel bashful. though you had talked to choso about it; he had agreed and hinted that you might go all the way the next time you would meet up. it was weird, scheduling something like this. but you felt more at ease knowing that it was approaching and you could somewhat prepare your nerves for it. “we talked about it though… next time, maybe?”

“i see,” maki nodded slowly, deep in thought. “you’ve been skirting around this escort thing a lot. is there something you’re hiding from us?”

“nope! not at all!”

“y/n… we’re looking out for you as friends. i know you told us that you trust choso and that he’s the nicest person you have ever but is there something more?” maki gave you a gentle nudge. the serious look in her eyes told you that you better not give her a lame excuse. even nobara, who was usually playful in nature, looked mildly concerned. as much concern as she could muster up anyways. sheepishly, you stared at your mug, watching the milk swirl with your hot chocolate. surely, they would tell you to stop seeing him, to stay away. because catching feelings for someone whose true feelings and self you could never uncover… should have been something you could have prevented. if only it hadn’t been so easy to give in, so easy to develop feelings for choso.

“uhm. i just realized that i like him, like a lot. i know i shouldn’t and should have circumvented the issue somehow but now i’m stuck with my feelings. and it’s just confusing. before you get mad at me, i’ve already decided to cut it off after our next date. i can’t dwell on it for too long because realistically, nothing is going to happen.”

wordlessly, nobara gave you a hug, patting your back to soothe you. “is he really that great though?” maki lightly swatted nobara’s arm and gave her an eyeroll. her comment made you laugh, she knew how to lighten up a situation.

“i think so. very gentleman-like and just takes good care of everything. i really appreciate how well he’s been taking care of me this entire time. he just is the perfect boyfriend, you know?” nobara nodded but you could tell from her face that she was trying to put the puzzle pieces together. it made you laugh again, pinching her cheek playfully. you didn’t want to worry your friends too much. they always helped you in every situation and now it was time you would take care of everything yourself.

“i can’t believe this entire time we were trying to find you a perfect partner and you’ve gone and went the whole nine yards, boyfriend experience and heartbreak all together,” maki joked and ruffled your hair, giving you a reassuring smile. “you know we’re there for you if you need emotional support in this, right? we might not be much of a help while you go through the fake breakup but we can help you take your mind off afterwards.”

you sniffled a little at the thought. your next date was fast approaching and you were grateful to have such great friends, who would always look out for you and be understanding even if you made dumb mistakes. your next step would be to learn how to mend a broken heart.

everything had to be perfect. the entire evening you had been on the move, busy cleaning your apartment and room and spending time in the bathroom making yourself look presentable. you still felt nervous exposing all of you to choso, never had anyone seen you naked before. the thought of it had made you so anxious that you’d called nobara who promptly suggested you wear cute underwear and something comfy to ease yourself into it. chances were that choso didn’t really care and wouldn’t judge you anyways; he had always been generous with compliments, always telling you how pretty you looked, how cute you were, and what a good girl you were for him. you didn’t think you could feel so fired up from praises nor did you think that you would be craving to hear them so much until choso came along. the feeling of euphoria that overtook you whenever he praised you, along with the pleasure he gave you whenever you were fooling around - it was a deadly combination.

knocks at the door made you perk up, hastily racing over to the door to let choso in. he chuckled when you immediately wrapped your arms around his waist and buried your face in his chest. “hey baby, missed me much, huh? i missed you too,” choso admitted, softly combing his fingers through your hair. you peeked up at him from below, closing your eyes as you leaned into his touch like a cat. “mhmm, missed you a lot,” you mumbled, humming in content as choso pecked your lips briefly before waddling inside the apartment with you in his arms, closing the door behind him

“what am i going to do with you?” he mumbled amused and sat down on the couch, pulling you onto his lap. he squished your cheeks between his hands, kissing your pouty lips with a broad smile. “you always make it so hard for me to leave.”

your heart sunk at his last words, remembering how you were planning to proceed by the end of this date. surely, it couldn’t be so hard and he wouldn’t think much of it since it was all business anyways. and yet, you couldn’t help but seize up with dread, not wanting to hurt him. if, and only if he would actually be affected by it. you placed your hands on his, sticking your tongue out at him. you teased him: “you leave but you always return, right? doesn’t that give you something to look forward to?”

“yeah, always come bouncing back…” choso trailed off, a faraway look on his face. you couldn’t tell what he was thinking - each emotion that surfaced was only fleeting and quickly wiped from his face expression as if it never existed in the first place. perhaps he was keeping his heart as guarded as yours, for baring the most vulnerable parts of yourself could be your downfall. he ran his hands along your thighs, rubbing the bare skin gently, fingers teasingly slipping under the hem of your shorts. your breath hitched in your throat, expecting him to move his hands up further. but by now, choso knew how to play you like a fiddle, what drew beautiful moans out of you, what made you whimper in anticipation and how to build up tension. he knew how to tease you and use it to his advantage; knew well that you would follow his instructions like the good girl that you were, never disappointing him. “gotta take care of my princess, hm?”

choso dipped down, brushing the strands of your hair out of the way, showering it in kisses. you mewled quietly, tilting your head to the side to allow him more access to your neck. he was still murmuring between kisses, telling you how sweet you were, how he was going to make you sing his name, how he was going to take care of you. the whispered praises were getting to your head, you easily melted into his touch. “c- choso,” you gasped, already drowning in him as his presence clouded your senses, wrapping around you as if nothing else but him existed. “please touch me.”

“your wish is my command,” choso lifted you up as if you weighed nothing, carrying you to your bedroom with ease. gently, he dropped you on the bed, simply hovering over you without saying a word. the look in his eyes knocked the air out of your lungs; you loved his eyes, his dark brown eyes that were filled with so much warmth and love, now darkened and filled with lust. he observed you, waiting for you to make a move - you stayed still, tense with anticipation. with every single intimate encounter you had with him, you gradually learned that choso enjoyed being in control, overjoyed when you were obedient and remembered what he had told you. he liked having you at his mercy, being the first and only one to discover the expanse of your body, to pleasure you in ways you were yet to familiarize yourself with.

choso’s tapped your lips, carefully sliding two fingers in when you willingly parted your lips and sucked on them. the weight of his fingers on your tongue, the dazed look on his eyes as he watched you - it was all so erotic, so arousing. you lifted your hips, grinding against his thighs for some kind of relief. it drew a slightly irritated click of the tongue from choso, gently pressing his fingers against your tongue. but he enjoyed the view, seeing how you wanted him so much, how you were seeking relief by humping his thigh. you could already feel yourself soaking through your panties and your thin shorts, arousal smearing across choso’s thigh and leaving a wet spot on his jeans.

pulling his fingers out of your mouth, he slid them down, lower and lower, smearing your spit across your skin. his fingers stopped right at the buttons of your blouse, playfully rolling them between his fingers. slowly, he unbuttoned the blouse, pushing the fabric off your shoulders to reveal your bra. you squirmed, suddenly feeling shy and embarrassed about being so exposed in front of him. “you’re beautiful,” choso reminded you. “don’t hide from me. i want to see all of you.”

reluctantly, you kept your arms at your sides, instead clenching your fingers around the fabric of your comforter. teasingly, his hands dragged across the tops of your breasts before dipping lower. “look at you, how soaked you are already. you’ve even left a spot on my jeans. i haven’t even touched you properly yet… has my princess missed me this much?” he mused, gently rubbing circles across your skin. he was careful not to move anywhere close to your crotch, resolutely keeping his hand near your navel.

“yes, please touch me,” you mewled, grasping his hand to guide him towards the hem of your shorts. his hand splayed across your mound, rubbing in deliberately slow movements, making you sigh in relief. choso tugged on your shorts, dragging them down your legs with ease. you clenched your eyes shut, hiding your face behind your hands. choso stayed silent for a few seconds and simply admired you in the dim light of your room. he could tell that you'd chosen a nice set of underwear to impress him - you looked so cute in it, like a present waiting to be unwrapped. he took notice of the dark patch on the crotch of your panties, how they were clinging onto your skin and how your arousal was glistening on your inner thighs.

"you look breathtaking," choso complimented you, gently removing your hands from your face. "i told you not to hide, didn't i? give me all of you, baby."

you blinked a few times, sheepishly thanking him. his praises overwhelmed you, making your chest swell with pride. but still, you didn't know how to react when he was singing your praises, too bashful to reply coherently. choso removed your panties in painstakingly slow movements, leaving trails of kisses on your inner thighs up to your ankle. throwing your panties to the floor, he then pulled your legs over his shoulders. you watched him bewildered, not sure what to make of it. the position made you feel oddly exposed; all of your senses were heightened, strained to focus on choso only. the oversensitivity caused your hips to jerk when choso’s breath hit your pussy, keen on receiving attention. the swipe of his tongue on your slit was something you didn’t expect - the sensation was new, uncharted territory, so different from his fingers. it drew a whimper from your lips, making your toes curl against his back.

languidly, he was lapping at your folds, taking his time to get you used to the feeling. it wasn’t until his tongue dragged across your clit, lips wrapping around it to suck gently, that whines and whimpers spilled forth from your lips. your hips automatically lurched forward, rocking against his face. you couldn’t wrap your head around the pleasure it provided you, how it rendered you into a babbling mess with only his name on your lips like some mantra. needing to busy your hands otherwise, you clenched your fingers around his hair, subconsciously pressing his face into your pussy. choso groaned against you, the slight burn turning him on beyond relief. you felt like you’re floating, higher and higher, rapidly approaching your high and it was still a feeling you’re trying to get used to, a feeling that you readily welcomed and craved.

it was a combination of all the touches that bring you closer to the edge; how he was sucking at your clit before flattening his tongue against your clit, paying close attention to it, how it was repeatedly and rapidly dragging across your folds. it made you sob, begging him to make you cum. choso pulled you even closer, fingers digging into your thighs as he lapped at your swollen clit, again and again until you come with a loud moan, barch arching from the bed, heels digging into choso’s shoulder blades. clenching your eyes shut, you attempted to push his face away from you, now feeling too sensitive. your legs were trembling uncontrollably, you gasped for air as your high washes over you and slowly ebbing away. choso sat up on his knees and only then you see the arousal smeared across his chin and lips. the sight sent electric shocks up your spine, breath hitching in your throat. he looked so fucking hot like this. he gave you no time to be embarrassed about it, wiping the slick off his skin and licking it off his hands.

“c- choso, what-” you croaked, voice all raspy from your relentless moaning. choso didn’t reply, instead kissed you open mouthed - the taste of your arousal was still present on his tongue. in the back of your mind, you thought about how dirty it was and yet so thrilling, eliciting a hunger for him. desperately, you were tugging at his shirt, trying to get it off. you were struggling, huffing in frustration as he didn’t budge. choso laughed, pecking your lips apologetically before taking it off along with his pants. even in the dim light you could make out the bulge in his pants, a testament of much he wanted you. the sight made you salivate, your pussy clenching around nothing. he took notice of your dazed look, grabbing your chin to tilt it up. “are you sure you want this? do you want me?”

you nodded quickly, eyes widening at his question. “of course, i want you, never wanted anything more. please, choso.”

“you have me, all of me,” he retorted, a tender look in his eyes. again, your heart clenched. just one more time you would get to see him like this, pretend he really was your lover. but when he looked at you with so much adoration in his eyes, it was hard to believe that there wasn’t a spark between you. unbeknownst to you, choso had always looked at you with stars in his eyes, hoping that you would return the sentiment. no matter how hard he was keeping his feelings at bay, the cracks were widening, allowing more and more feelings to seep through. with each touch, each word that you exchanged, the dam was weakening and threatening to spill everything that he was keeping inside.

choso gently pressed you back down onto the mattress, fingers fumbling with the condom that he’d pulled out of his jeans. you watched with fascination as he put it on, not being able to take your gaze of it. he grinned, deciding to indulge you, pressing his cock against you. arousal was still leaking from you, allowing him to easily slide against you. deliberately, he nudged the head against your clit until you couldn’t take it anymore. you wiggled your hips, signaling him to do something, do put you out of your misery. choso glanced at you for permission, suddenly seeming to be nervous himself. you gave him a small nod, leaning up to cradle his cheeks and kiss him. choso began to push, slowly slipping past your folds and- the stretching burn, it was there again and made you tense up.

choso grasped your hands, intertwining them and showered your face with kisses, whispering sweet nothings and encouragement. the feeling was familiar and yet strange at the same time, the girth of his fingers were nothing compared to his cock. it was a tight fit; you were aware of him, so aware of him. muffled, you heard choso telling you to relax, that he didn’t want to hurt you, to take your time. he was still pushing, distracting you from the uncomfortable pain with kisses. with one last thrust, he’s pushed the entirety of him in you. faintly, you could feel pain gradually ebbing away. the fullness of him, the throbbing; you clenched around him, a quiet moan leaving your lips as choso’s hips jerk in response.

“you okay? can i move now?” he whispered against your lips. you nodded, feeling choso smile against your lips. your breath hitched in anticipation as he pulls out ever so slightly before thrusting back in. you let out a whimper at the sudden thrum of incoming pleasure, hands squeezing his. choso thrusted his length in and out of you slowly, still wanting you to get used to it. the drag of it against your walls, the way his cock ever so slightly bumped against that spot inside of you that made your body sing - you sobbed out his name, hips tilting up to meet his movements. choso had no qualms obliging to your unspoken wants, upping the pace once he’s made sure you felt comfortable.

slowly, his inhibitions fell apart upon seeing you desperately cling onto him, moaning out his name as he pulled out and drove back in, deeper than before. you saw stars when he hit the spot inside of you, burying himself inside of you completely. it’s been a short amount of time but choso was quick to figure out what made you shake in pleasure in particular, memorizing every little nudge and wiggle that would have you gasp out his name. the closeness, the intimacy, it easily beat everything else that you’ve ever done before but it was now that you realized that no one could compare to choso. while your initial goal was to simply learn and gain some experience, somewhere along the way, you veered off the path. perhaps your goal was never to find out what it was like engaging in sexual activities but rather to experience it with someone you loved. it was then that you realized you didn’t care about these things unless you could experience them with choso.

while choso was no stranger to having people in his bed, the sight of you was one he would never be able to get out of his head again. how your moans and whimpers were getting more frequent with each thrust, how you were sobbing his name whenever he hit particularly deep inside of you, how your small hands were holding onto his, how you clenched around him whenever he praised you. he wanted to keep you for himself, to impale himself in you in such ways that you could never look at other people the same way anymore. “i- i’m close,” you hiccuped between sobs, back lurching from the bed. “choso, p- please, i wanna cum, i-”

“i’ve got you, princess,” he assured you, diving down to kiss you feverishly. relentlessly, his hips pistoned against yours, desperate to make you cum. choso couldn’t hold back any longer, he was close, so close. wanting to cum with you, he reached down to rub your clit. your reaction was almost instantaneous, legs pressing against his side as you came, his name on your lips like a prayer. he came with you, burying his face in the crook of your neck as groans left his lips, mixed with your name and curses. his hips stuttered as they pressed against you one last time, staying in place until he’s spilled all of him in the condom. you felt like you were floating, still dazed from the intensity of your orgasm. absentmindedly, you wrapped your arms around his neck, hand absentmindedly playing with the hair at his nape. choso let out a noise, akin to a cat’s purr, nudging his head against your hand. his gesture made you giggle and you strained your neck to press a kiss against his forehead.

slowly, choso removed himself from you, letting out a breathy laugh as you protested. you made grabby hands at him but he simply tutted, disappearing in the bathroom to dispose of the condom and came back with a wet towel. it felt comforting, the warmth of the towel as well as his gentle touches, lulling you into a sleepy state. it didn’t take long for him to join you again once he was done, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you into his chest like the countless times he’s done so before. “how are you feeling? i didn’t hurt you, did i?”

you shook your head, trying to find the right words. in the end, nothing came into your mind to appropriately tell him how mind blowingly good he made you feel so you just settle with: “felt good, really good. didn’t hurt, jus’ felt uncomfortable at first. but you made it okay, it’s okay when it’s with you.”

“i see,” choso let out a relieved breath, laughing as you blinked at him stunned. you looked adorable, still floating and coming down from your high. “i’m glad i was your first, glad i could do it justice. just wanted you to feel good.”

“mhmm, thank you,” you slurred sleepily, arms wrapping around his waist. you felt so warm and loved, not wanting to let go of the feeling just yet. “can we do it again some other day? you promised to show me what you still wanted to do to me.”

“y/n, sweetheart, when will you be coming to visit us again? i know it’s your summer break right now and you’re busy but we thought it might be nice to go on a short family trip. what do you think?” your mother pleaded over the phone. you could see her pout on the screen, her attempt at guilt tripping you into visiting more. truthfully, you felt bad about not having been able to see your family so much - the amount of assignments and final exams was swamping you and you just wanted to get through them before going on vacation. that and the fact that you couldn’t properly look them in the eyes anymore ever since being with choso.

you just couldn’t let go of him, nor could you admit your feelings to him, in fear it would make him uncomfortable. it was irrational, reckless even, to keep paying for a service you technically didn’t need anymore. simply to keep a person you had feelings for around for longer. nobara and maki didn’t know about this either, you knew they would have your head as soon as you confessed. it was irrational and you knew it. and yet it was so hard to let go. with every waking moment, you craved choso, his tenderness and loving gaze, the warmth of his arms, the domesticity that the two of you shared, how natural it seemed when you spent time together. and so you kept returning to him, over and over again

“i’m sorry, mum, i’m just really busy right now. but i promise i’ll let you know when i’m free, okay? i’m sure we can find a fitting date for the trip,” you attempted to soothe your mother, giving her an apologetic smile. she rolled her eyes at you playfully but shrugged it off, knowing that you didn’t mean anything by it. before you could tell her goodbye, your mother suddenly stopped you, waving at the screen.

“sweetheart, one of my friends- her son, i told him about you. he’s a very nice young man and i think you would get along well. when you come visit us, i’ll introduce him to you, yeah?” she explained, a giddy smile creeping onto her lips. “i’ve told him a little about you and your father doesn’t mind either. he has a good background too, i’m trying not to swoon.” she giggled as if she was the one who was to be set up on a date with him.

your eyes widened ever so slightly at her revelation but what shocked you more was that choso had seemingly heard what your mother had said. he was still sleeping when your mother had called you, so you hid in the kitchen to talk, not wanting to disturb his sleep. he stood in the doorway, blinking at you confused. you made sure to turn a little so your mother couldn’t see him. “mum, i told you i’m not really interested yet and want to go at my own pace-”

“honey, i know but the opportunity was just there. i couldn’t pass it up and you can still reject him, no? just try to meet him at least once.”

you sighed. “we’ll talk about it again when i’m home, okay? but don’t put too much hope in it, please.”

“i know, i know. i’ll talk to you again another day. love you, sweetheart,” your mum said goodbye to you and hung up. you groaned, tossing your phone to the side and buried your face in your hands. choso was not supposed to hear any of that. even though you two weren’t really in a relationship, and he had assured you that he wasn’t sleeping with anyone else, keeping his work at accompanying clients only, you still felt like you were somewhat betraying him. you felt choso’s presence moving behind you, then his arms wrapping around you, his chin being placed on your head. you couldn’t see the slightly irritated look in his eyes, the jealous glint that told you he didn’t want you to look at anyone but him.

“your mum seems to be eager to find you a partner,” he commented amused. you groaned, swatting at his arm.

“i don’t know why they’re suddenly so persistent after not deeming anyone as suitable for years,” grumbling, you turned slightly, pressing a kiss to choso’s chin. “i’m not really in the mood to go on dates just yet, so she’ll have to deal with it.”

“not in the mood for dates?” choso echoed, pinching your cheek. “not even with me?”

you whined, burying your face in his chest. you didn’t want to let him see how his words excited you. “no, i’m always in the mood for you, for dates with you.”

“that’s good to know. we’re going out later after all,” choso laughed, combing his fingers through your hair. “i did promise to take you to the beach and teach you how to surf.”

one of the reasons you didn’t come visit your parents immediately when your summer break began was because you’d already planned a short trip with choso. weeks ago choso had proposed you’d go to the beach together and you were thrilled by the idea, not having been by the sea in years. you’d rented a little cabin by the beach for the two of you while choso had prepared everything for the car ride. the car ride would be rather long but you weren’t worried about it at all - in the beginning, you’d been apprehensive, rather awkward with him. he eased you into everything, showing you not to be scared of relationships and to just be yourself. conversation was easy with him as if you’d been long term friends, with no worries or restrictions. for weeks, you’d looked forward to the trip, to spend more time with him.

the car ride was filled with laughter and calming music, you shared stories and secrets with each other, you fed him the snacks that you’d made the night before. you felt blissful, happily ignoring all the consequences that might be coming your way - you wanted to enjoy your time with him as much as you could. the dance that the two of you were engaging in, it was romantic and felt so domestic, while skirting around the important issue. inspecting your intertwined hands, you clasped your other free hand around his, rubbing the skin gently. choso shot you a concerned, questioning look but you brushed him off, assuring that nothing was wrong. “i’m just happy to be sharing this uh… boyfriend experience with you, really. i wouldn’t wanna do it with someone else.”

choso shot you a wistful smile, lifting your hand to press a kiss on it. “i’m glad you feel that way. you deserve only the best, someone who treats you like the princess that you are.”

the feeling of the grainy sand below you, wind blowing your hair in every direction, sun on your skin, water splashing against your shins - you felt like suddenly all your worries were washed away. you were still running through the shallow water, giggling as you saw choso catching up on you. upping your speed, you jumped through the water until he managed to grab you by your wrist, pulling you into his chest. he lifted you up, twirling you around in his arms a few times before setting you back on your feet, leaning in to kiss you. “you can’t just run away like that, all our stuff is still stranded over there,” he scolded you, playfully flicking your forehead. you glanced behind you, seeing how choso had already placed all the towels, cooler and bags on the beach chairs.

“it’s okay, we have the beach to ourselves anyways,” you retorted cheekily. choso couldn’t argue, instead rolled his eyes. the beach house that you had rented for the weekend was on the outskirts of the city, a rather quiet spot that also had a private beach. the paranoia that your parents might possibly spot you somewhere was running deep and so you didn’t want to risk anything. choso could teach you how to surf in peace, without any bystanders or crowded spaces. but now that you were sitting on the beach chair, you noticed that choso’s mind seemed to be elsewhere as he clumsily fumbled with the bags. you gnawed at your bottom lip, hoping that your earlier conversation with your mother wasn’t on his mind.

“you okay there? can i help you with anything?”

“huh? yeah,” choso answered after a second of processing, shaking his head. “uh i just get distracted looking at you. you look good in that bikini.”

“oh shut up,” you retorted but hid your face from him, still growing bashful even though you were used to him complimenting you out of nowhere. he shot you a wink, resuming his work. “but… choso, you can talk to me if anything bothers you, you know that?”

“yeah, i know… but don’t worry, i think this is something i have to figure out for myself first before i tell anyone,” he padded over, kissing your forehead. “but i appreciate it.”

deciding to drop the topic, you joined him, watching how he demonstrated his surfing skills. if he didn’t want to talk about it, you would respect it; and maybe, just maybe, he would open up to you about it. you watched as choso surfed through the waves, the sight filling you with bright happiness. he looked so happy to be surfing again, the usual tired look on his face wiped away as if it had never been there in the first place. he looked like he was truly at home, comforted and surrounded by the crashing waves. you understood what he meant by being distracted - choso looked good in his trunks as well, the water drops that were rolling down his body, his exposed upper body, the way his loose, slightly damp hair was falling over his face. you very much enjoyed the sight and almost felt creepy for staring so much.

as per usual, choso was a wonderful teacher, remaining calm and patient while he gave you instructions, comforting you when you weren’t doing so well and was always right by your side encouraging you. you hadn’t had this much fun in a while, especially not with someone other than from your close friend circle. it was easy to lose the track of time when being with him, all your thoughts and anxieties washed away like the seashells at the shore. by the end of the day, you were utterly exhausted, your muscles feeling like jelly. as you laid on the bed, you still felt like you were rocked and swayed back and forth by the waves. it was relaxing, almost lulling you into a deep slumber if it wasn’t for the sound of the running shower and choso’s humming. you opened the window, before returning to bed, wrapping the blanket around you. the sound of waves sloshing against the shore echoed through the room, making you feel like you were actually sleeping at the beach.

it didn’t take long for choso to return; you felt the bed dip beside you before you heard him. pretending to be asleep, you waited until he said anything but were instead greeted with a kiss on your nape. you squirmed a little, the feelings of his lips tickling the sensitive skin. a giggle broke from your lips, unable to stay silent any longer. “did i make you wait for too long?” he asked quietly, grabbing you by the hips to turn you around to face him. you shook your head and gave him a smile, leaning in to peck his lips. “no but i did miss you. did i tell you that i now get what you meant by being distracted? you looked really hot in your trunks and so serious while giving me instructions.”

“ah, really?” choso hovered over you, placing his hands beside your head. you’d only offered simple compliments but he was already so fired up, making you grin. “you can’t just tell me that and expect me not to do anything. don’t you know that i’m always hungry for you? i’ll ravish you right here.”

“what if i want you to ravish me?” you bravely retorted, your voice slightly cracking at the end. rarely were you ever bold with him but at this moment, you might as well indulge him. as an reward for teaching you how to surf and being so patient about it. choso clicked with his tongue, pleased with your reply. before he could move, you suddenly felt an urge to go further, wanting to be the one to initiate intercourse for once. you placed your hands on his chest, pushing gently. he looked at you confused, cocking his head to the side. if it wasn’t for the hungry look in his eyes, you would’ve cooed at how adorable he looked. “uhm can i… suck you off for today? i mean you’re always the one who- who makes me feel so good and i know you said you liked it but i just wanted to return the favour…”

choso short circuited at your request, momentarily leaving his mouth wide open as he stared at you. “y- yeah of course, if that’s what you want,” he spluttered hastily, sitting up on his knees. feeling giddy, you shuffled off the bed, positioning yourself at the edge of the bed and waiting for him to move. choso gulped, slowly moving towards the edge. he leaned down to kiss you, your hands snaked towards the waistband of his sweatpants, some doubt overcame you again, slowing your movements. sensing your hesitation, he patted your head and ruffled your hair. “you don’t have to do it, if you feel too nervous about it.”

“no, i want to, really,” you assured him, grasping the waistband and dragging it down. choso lifted his hips slightly, helping you remove his pants. his boxers followed soon after. gently, you wrapped your hands around his semi-hard cock, giving it some gentle strokes. choso exhaled shakily, leaning back on his hands as he kept his watchful eyes on you. you leaned in, flattening your tongue against the underside, running your tongue over the underside, tracing it until you reached the cockhead. gingerly, you gave it a few kitten licks before wrapping your lips around it. hands still stroking him, you delved in, taking as much as much as you could. choso tilted his head back, moaning loudly. it spurred you on, eagerly you bopped your head against him, paying close attention to the sensitive head as you licked and sucked at it. curiously, you licked the slit, tasting the precum on it. the taste was unfamiliar, nothing like you’d ever had before but you weren’t sure what to make of it. but you weren’t grossed out by it, thankfully.

choso’s hips jerked when you touched a particularly sensitive spot, not being able to control his own body anymore. usually, he was more composed, holding himself back for the sake of you - immediately, he stopped and apologized, staring at you with wide eyes. “fuck, i’m so sorry, that wasn’t meant to happen. did i hurt you?” he cupped your cheek, guiltily examining you.

“‘m okay, don’t worry about it. it just surprised me a little, that’s all. but if it’s what you like… i uh, don’t mind,” you reassured him.

“f- fuck, you can’t just say that because i will and-”

“like i said, i don’t mind. i want to make you feel good too.” reluctantly, choso nodded and relaxed again, letting you proceed. you were eager to make him cum, enthusiastically moving your head along the shaft. you welcomed choso’s shallow thrusts, glancing up to watch his reactions. his skin was beautifully flushed, eyes were closed, groans muffled as he bit his bottom lip. you struggled to take his cock in deeper, instead wrapping your hands around the parts you couldn’t reach. when choso’s thrusts got sloppier, you could tell that he was getting close.

“y/n, fuck- i’m gonna- wait, you-” unable to finish his sentence, he moaned, hips stuttering again as you swirled your tongue around the sensitive tip. you suckled on his length eagerly, hands pumping the base faster and choso couldn’t keep it in any longer, coming with a loud moan. you continued suckling on the tip, helping him through his orgasm until he’s spilled all of him in your mouth. sitting back on your knees, you removed yourself from him.

eyes wide and glossy, you looked up at him as he pulled away slightly so he could look at you. choso brushed your hair back, then lifted your chin up, tapping your bottom lip. "show me," he said in a low, hoarse voice, patiently waiting until you opened your mouth and showed him. showed him his cum that was still pooling on your tongue. a few seconds passed until he finally reacted - just the sight of you on your knees, obediently following his orders and showing him your work had his insides stirring with something dark, possessive. "swallow," he whispered, adoringly cupping your cheek as you eagerly swallowed. your face felt hot, whether by embarrassment or pride, you didn't know. quietly cursing, he pulled you up while leaning down, meeting your lips halfway.

unceremoniously, choso dropped you on the bed, making you giggle quietly as you bounced on the mattress. hovering over you, he captured your lips in yet another kiss. you wrapped your arms around his neck, hugging him to your body. choso pressed his groin against yours, experimentally rolling his hips to elicit a reaction from you. burying your face into the crook of his neck, you couldn’t help but writhe from the pleasure - and even though you’ve been sleeping with each other, you still felt too shy to ask him for… more. how could you express what exactly you wanted when you were craving all of him? when you wanted to engrave everything into your brain; the feeling of his body against yours, his touch, the sweet as well as the dirty words he whispered into your ear. it was almost unfair how easily he could draw a reaction from you, as if he’d memorized every little aspect about you already.

choso nipped at your neck, about to leave a mark when you frantically pushed at his chest. “no visible marks, i told you!” you reminded him, almost feeling bad when you saw his disappointed face. but rules were rules, you didn’t want your parents to find out you were sneaking around with someone; you were barely able to look into their eyes as is. he huffed against your neck, burying his face in the crook of your neck in frustration. seconds passed without a reaction before he finally sat up on his knees, hands reaching out to tug on your shirt. “but everywhere else is fine, hm?” he mused, dragging his warm hands across your chest to your shoulder to push the fabric off.

“i- i guess,” you spluttered, barely having any time to react as he’s already moved on, lavishing your breasts with kisses while leaving a trail of hickeys on them. you whimpered, hips rolling up against his. through your panties, you could feel the outlines of his cock; the anticipation of him filling you up made you salivate. choso was quick to remove your panties and rolling a condom on upon hearing your desperate whimpers that were urging him to move faster. no matter how many times you’d already slept together, he could never get enough of you - you made him feel like a teenager again, like he was constantly insatiable and hungry for you. judging from the look in your eyes, you seemed to feel the same way.

choso angled his cock against your entrance before sinking in, moaning in unison with you. he grasped your hands, pinning them against the pillows as you reached out, trying to touch him. you sobbed in disappointment, just wanting to feel him but choso was having none of it. the complaint was quickly forgotten when he started thrusting, the sound of his hips smacking against yours filling the room. he was diligent, hitting that spot inside you over and over again, enjoying how your legs that were wrapped around his waist were trembling. you were drowning, drowning in him, in the pleasure he so graciously provided you. choso painted your chest with marks, placing them dangerously close to where they would be peeking out underneath clothes. he knew you didn’t want anyone to see them but fuck, he wanted people to keep their hands away from you, wanted them to know that you were his.

you sung his praises, hips quickly bucking against his as he buries himself in you to the hilt. he filled you up so well, always dragging against your walls so deliciously. almost feral, choso fucked you harder, putting all his frustrations and emotions into the strength of his thrusts. it left you feeling breathless, clenching around him hard as you climbed higher and higher. never had choso fucked you like this before, like he was trying to prove something - you sobbed, tears springing forth from the intensity. it felt good, so good and you wanted to cum so bad, wanted to release. the pleasant warmth was spreading throughout your body, almost unbearably hot as you neared your climax. it erupted within you explosively, leaving you writhing in a babbling, incoherent mess. for many moments, your orgasm wrecked through you, making you see white and stars. in your euphoria, you didn’t notice how choso had cummed with you, whispering sweet praises in your ear as he rode you through your high. you didn’t notice how he disappeared, returning with a wet towel as per usual, how he kisses away the tears at the corner of your eyes. through your hazy mind, you could tell that he wrapped the blanket around you before disappearing again.

it took you a while to return back to your senses, marvelling about the sex you just had. what had possessed choso in that moment? could it be because you’d offered to suck him off? or was he so pent up the entire day? the click of the door made you lift your head towards the source of the sound, cooing when you saw choso padding towards you. he yawned quietly, crawling under the blanket and wrapping his arms around you. "exhausted?" you questioned him, nuzzling into him.

"mhmm, i feel like i could sleep in until noon tomorrow," as usual, he ran his fingers along your spine, drawing shapes on your back. sometimes you thought you could feel him spelling something out on your skin but the touches were always so fleeting that it was impossible for you to make it out. whatever it was, he must've been too wary or scared to share it with you. you were reminded of your earlier conversation - choso still hadn't said anything so you wanted to bring it up, not wanting any issues to arise between you.

"choso? do you want to talk about what was wrong earlier? i know you said you wanted to think about it, but i was wondering…"

choso interrupted you. "are you going to go on a date with the guy that your mum mentioned this morning?"

you shot him a bewildered look. so he had been thinking about it. you hesitated, not sure what to tell him. should you be upfront and tell him how you feel? or give him a mild version, so he didn't feel cornered by you?

"i'm… i'm not sure yet. the thought of going on a date with someone else is kind of daunting but i think i'll do it just so my mum's happy."

"i see." uncomfortable silence seeped between the two of you. you could tell that choso was irritated, the frown on his face clearly indicating it. and yet, he didn't elaborate, leaving you to figure out what he meant by that. not daring to move, you stayed still, waiting for him to continue. choso sighed, placing his forehead against yours. "i think this is selfish of me but i can't stand the thought of seeing you with someone else. i wish… i wish it was only me that you looked at."

"you don't want me to go on a date with him?"

"yeah. i- i can't tell you why that is. it's selfish and dumb, hence why i didn't want to tell you. and it's not something that you should worry about. i'm just your escort after all, there's nothing more between us."

his words stung. even though it was the truth, the words still stung, driving a knife right into your heart. it was the very thing that nobara and maki had warned you about. but here you were, heart breaking in a million pieces. perhaps it was the fact that choso didn't tell you the reason, didn't seem to trust you with it, that made you recoil immediately. the walls around your heart were immediately put back into place, safeguarding you from any further harm. he wasn’t obligated to tell you anything and you knew that - there was probably also another reason why he felt that way. any further digging would probably make him recoil as well, it wouldn’t do you any good. whatever was growing between you, it had to stop now. choso simply saw you as a client, probably had been this entire time. again, you were reminded of the fact that he might have been acting this entire time, none of the affection he showed you ever being real.

“i- yeah… i guess,” you replied dejectedly, looking away from him. “i’ll figure it out with him, don’t worry. i’ll just keep my mum happy with it, there’s nothing more to it.”

choso bit his lip, refraining from replying to it any further. you already knew more than you were ever supposed to, he should have never let it slip that he didn’t like seeing you with other potential love interests. it pained him to keep this hidden, keep it a secret from you - but the less you knew, the better. he couldn’t imagine you being okay with being in a relationship with him while he was still an escort, nor did he think that your parents would be thrilled about it. from what you’d revealed to him, he could tell that they treasured you and wanted to minimize any possible harm as much as possible. and that included hand-picking a suitable partner for you. he might never be what your parents envisioned for you and he might never become your love interest so every session that you booked was a blessing to him.

sighing, he placed one last kiss on your cheek before wishing you a good night. but even when he closed his eyes and tried to sleep, he was wide awake, not being able to stop the onslaught of thoughts.

weeks passed without you ever contacting choso again. your resolve would have never been this strong, hadn’t nobara intervened. while you were moping and still feeling restless, helpless even, she made sure to delete his number and made you take care of the bills before cutting off contact entirely. normally, she would have commented on it - but seeing how you were struggling through your first heartbreak, she decided to let it be. and because maki wouldn’t have hesitated to have her head if you’d ever snitched. maki had encouraged you to take your mind off things, dragging you along to some of the sports classes she attended. it did lift your mood ever so slightly, much to your surprise, it was more fun that you’d originally anticipated. maki attended so many different classes that seemed so intense that you were scared to join at first. in between the classes, you spent more time with your friends. gradually you opened up to them, explaining them the entire issue with choso and how you had struggled to let go. you told them one by one, until it was finally time to let megumi know.

out of everyone, megumi scared you the most - not because he was intimidating or violent but because you knew how he would react. he’d most definitely be upset about it because he was protective over his friends, not wanting them to be harmed in any way. you’d pleaded that at least nobara should tag along to knock some sense into him, should he snap - but megumi’s reaction surprised you. when you finished your story, he was awfully quiet. you assumed he was boiling in anger, reaching out to appease him but he was frowning, making a contemplative face. “uh listen, i think that choso’s yuuji’s brother.”

“he’s what?” nobara’s eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. megumi had recently started going out with someone that he’d met during work and though he hadn’t introduced you to said person yet, you did know that his name was yuuji.

“yuuji’s brother. i haven’t met him yet but he’s been complaining about his brother for weeks now,” megumi explained, scratching the back of his head sheepishly. “choso’s an escort, right? it has to be yuuji’s brother. i’ve stayed over at yuuji’s place a couple of times… yuuji was venting, asking me about advice on how to get his brother out of a rut. apparently, choso’s been affected by this uh… somewhat breakup as well. yuuji’s suggested to him that he should reach out to you to talk but he said something about his work and your parents...”

“huh. what an interesting coincidence…” nobara mumbled but narrowed her eyes at you. “but you’re not going back to him, right?”

all the blood in your body froze. why had choso brought up your parents? they had never been a part of your relationship, you had only told him how overprotective they were and how they liked choosing your partners and friends for you. could it be?

“no, i don’t think so. i’m… very conflicted about our feelings to each other. it was stupid to give into my feelings for him in the first place. i hired someone to act as my fake boyfriend, someone who does this for a living. i think they know better than to catch feelings for their clients,” you sighed frustrated, shaking your head. there was no way in hell this situation could ever turn back around, even if you now knew that choso had also been affected. and still, he never reached out to me, you thought bitterly.

“i think you should talk it out though, if he does reach out to you,” megumi chimed in, awkwardly patting your shoulder in an attempt to comfort you. “from what yuuji’s told me, it does seem like his feelings are genuine. he didn’t outright push you away, right? who knows what could happen?”

in the end, you couldn’t help but confess to your parents. secrets were bound to be revealed one way or another and you figured it was better you opened up before they found out from someone else. the uncomfortable silence that spread through your apartment created a gloomy atmosphere; the tension was thick and palpable, making you shuffle in your seat in unease. your father hadn’t uttered any word while your mother had completely lost it, not understanding why you hadn’t instead chosen one of the boys she’d always introduced you to.

“all this time you were seeing this boy? and not once did you let us know. i could have asked my friend if they knew someone, their sons are so nice-”

“mum, i already told you i wanted to find someone on my own without having my options being presented to me on a silver plate. and you’re always so disappointed when i end up rejecting them after going through all of the hassle,” you interrupted her, giving her a defiant look. it wasn’t often that you opposed your parents like this but you felt like it was needed - your mother didn’t understand you, nor did she try. you were an adult, for fuck’s sake. you were very much capable of making your own decisions and mistakes to learn from.

“and yet you went to hire an escort! why didn’t you go and meet some of your classmates? i don’t understand why you went such lengths and then even ended up falling in love with them! how would you even pursue a relationship with them?” your mother seethed at you, knuckles blanching from how hard she was gripping her handbag. your father placed a hand on hers, whispering some soothing words in her ear.

“darling, i think y/n knows well that she’s made a mistake and is hurting from it. we don’t need to add to the stress, do we?” he assured her, then looking at you. “y/n, you know that i’m disappointed in you as well. but i don’t blame you for it, i think it’s partly my fault that you felt the need to hire an escort just to… gain some experience. i did take away all your possibilities of a relationship after all…”

“don’t encourage her! this problem won’t just be solved by you spoiling her again, do you know what kind of consequences it could h-”

a loud knock interrupted your mother’s rambling. you were confused - you didn’t expect anyone else for today. it was too late for someone to bring packages. who could it be? you excused yourself, padding towards the door to see who it was. you swore that you briefly suffered from a heart attack when the door swung open to reveal choso. he stared at you equally as stunned, seemingly not having expected you to open and greet him. “w- what are you doing here?” you asked, hating how shaky your voice sounded. how your heart soared, having missed his presence around you. the feelings had never been properly buried, only hidden by a thin layer of pretense that was now quickly being washed away.

“i’m sorry for just turning up unannounced… i was hoping- hoping to be able to talk to you for a bit? i wanted to explain myself,” choso replied, unaware of the two persons in your apartment that were straining their necks to be able to get a look at him.

you groaned. why now? the timing was just too comical, fate must really hate you. “i’m sorry, my parents are here right now. maybe, another t-”

“aha, so this is the boy my daughter has been sleeping with,” your mother appeared behind you, snarling at choso maliciously. panicking, your father had followed her quickly, holding her back by her arm. “you have some nerve appearing here as if nothing happened, what is it that you-”

“darling.” your father cleared his voice, shooting daggers at her. “there’s no need to be rude.”

swiftly, he introduced himself and your mother to choso, politely shaking his hand. choso remained calm, as usual, and introduced himself as well. if he was shocked by the entire ordeal, he sure didn’t show it. his face remained a perfect poker face, no emotions seeping through. “i wanted to talk to your daughter, ma’am. i assume she’s told you about our relationship and how we broke apart. there is no ulterior motive here, i just wanted to explain myself and talk it out.”

“that’s-!”

your father interrupted your mother again, not giving her another opportunity to spit venom at choso. “i think that is a good idea. though she has not opened up about everything, i can tell that she is hurting as much as you are. i believe a discussion would be very productive. but what is your intention? what are you going to do once you’ve explained yourself?”

suddenly, you felt like you were forgotten or invisible in the entire discussion. were they ignoring you? you were standing right there and yet no one was addressing you. you huffed, trying to pull their focus back on you. “nothing’s gonna happen, dad. there was nothing for us to work with and there won’t be.”

choso felt like he’d been slapped. he didn’t know what to make of your reaction but he came here for one reason only: to give you the closure that you deserved and he wasn’t going to leave until he accomplished just that. “i intend to apologize to her. judging from your wife’s reaction, you don’t seem to like me very much. i can’t imagine you would ever accept me, i know i don’t live up to your standards. i don’t deserve your daughter, she deserves so much more than what i can offer. and i’m aware of it. but if she’s willing to have me, i’ll try my very best to live up to your standards, to prove myself to you. i just want to be with her and make her happy. i’m in love with her and that’s what i intended to tell her.”

your heart stopped at his confession. all this time, choso loved you? megumi had been right all along. choso returned your feelings and he was here, so close and yet so far. dread filled you as you realized your parents could possibly drive him away, make him disappear from your life with just a snap of their fingers. you cherished choso more than you were aware of, the adoration running deep in your veins even when you were trying to reject him.

“i see. that’s reason enough for me. we’ve already let her have a piece of our mind, i don’t think she needs more telling off. my little girl has grown so much and it’s time to let her make her own decisions, growing and mistakes,” your father shot your mother a look. she’d calmed down, choso’s explanation seemingly having brought her back to her senses. she looked away, not wanting to look him in the eyes. “we’ll let you deal with this. but know that if she does take you back, i won’t go easy on you, alright? the bars are high and i don’t intend to lower them just because you love her. prove to me, that you’re worthy of her.”

“i will,” choso sounded so sure and confident that it made your father grin - you sure had found someone who took great care of you and wasn’t afraid to stand tall in front of your father. and that he liked, someone who wasn’t scared to back down from a challenge, someone who would be the perfect partner for you. as your parents said goodbye and left, he gave choso a pat on the shoulder before exiting the apartment, leaving the two of you to your own devices.

you didn’t know what to say, how to start. standing in the hallway was awkward but you couldn’t move just yet, instead wanting to hear what he had to say first. “you love me?” you croaked, your voice failing you. now that your parents were gone, you could freely show your emotions, not being able to hold the tears back any longer. choso panicked, fussing over you as you started to cry. furiously, you wiped the tears away with the sleeves of your sweater.

“i do. i uhm wish i had found a better way to tell you this. i figured that you probably thought that everything we did was simply a facade but i promise you that it was all real. i don’t know when exactly but i started falling for you along the way and it was hard… to remind myself that you were a client and i was just there to provide the service to you, you know? i had no right to get mad at you if you decided to go and see other people. and i wasn’t sure of your feelings for me, it was…” choso trailed off, struggling to find the right word but you knew what he meant and nodded, signaling him to continue. “i just didn’t want to tie you to me when you… when you might not like me back or even want to be with an escort.”

you sniffled quietly, wrapping your arms around him immediately, with such a speed that it almost knocked the air out of his lungs. confused, choso wrapped his arms around you, tucking your head under his chin and rubbing your back soothingly. he was relieved that you didn’t push him away at least and let him explain everything in one go. he felt more at ease now and was at peace with the decision to immediately leave and never butt in your life again in case you rejected him.

“all this time, i also loved you,” you mumbled, an upset frown on your face. “i- i just kept thinking that you’d never return my feelings and that you were just playing boyfriend because i hired you to do so and-”

you hiccuped, another sob tearing from your throat.

“when you told me not to go on that date and immediately followed it with you only being my escort and nothing more, it hurt me so much and i know it was stupid and childish of me to react in such a way but… i was just spiraling, i love you so much and didn’t know where to place the anxieties and negative feelings.”

choso shushed you quietly when your sobs grew more frequent and you let him pick you up, clinging onto him as he walked over to the couch and sat on it with you on his lap. “shh, you’re okay, we’re okay,” he mumbled against the crown of your head, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “i’m sorry i hurt you so much, i was not aware that you already liked me back then and that my words would have such an effect on you.”

over and over, choso apologized quietly until you calmed down, slumping against his chest. you stayed silent, trying to piece your thoughts and feelings back together so as to present him with a coherent and logical question. your mind was in shambles and you hoped that choso would at least get what you were hinting at. “so w- what do we do now? where do we- we go from here?”

“as i’ve already told your dad… if you’ll have me, i’ll make it up to you, all the hurt that i’ve caused you. i love you, so much. i want to be your boyfriend, and this time officially.”

“i like the sound of it,” you mumbled, tilting your head back to look at him. “will you be my boyfriend?”

“it would be an honour, princess.”

with a kiss, choso sealed the deal, easily catapulting you back on cloud nine. who would have thought that the escort you’d hired to be your fake boyfriend would turn out to be the prince charming you had always hoped for, surpassing even your wildest dreams and expectations. choso was everything you wanted and more - he was the person you wanted to wake up to every morning, the person you wanted to come home to. he was the person with whom you wanted to spend your life with, the person that loved you so unconditionally and never expected anything in return. you were lucky that he chose you, that he loved you back. out of all the persons in the universe, it was him.

he was perfect and he was yours.

p.s.: if you've made it until the end: thank you so much for reading!

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