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jester089 · 7 months

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I loved your "more then merrier" headcanons and I was wondering could you write headcanons for the rest of the tadc crew as well! Love your works!

More the merrier (Part 2)

Apologies on this taking so long life has been kinda rough. And I've been taking up tons of new hobbies. I've been busy.

Caine

He the others freaks out when coming face to face with himself. I mean it definitely isn't the first time. But this time the double feels more real and not just a AI. It takes him a bit but once he's used to it he actually really enjoys having two of him. Can get double the things done in half the time. When their are two Caine's he can have one run the circus like always and have the other with you. This way nothing gets left alone and he can learn why he feels differently about you. Overall it's a good thing. Only real downside being when both start an adventure without informing the other making the entire circus be extra chaotic till he realizes what happened.

Reader

When Caine found you. Or rather you two, he doesn't react as much as you would expect. It's when he failed to get rid of the copy that he seemed surprised. He would probably put you both in cages so whatever this is doesn't spread. After checking over your code he realizes that it isn't a virus. It is literally just you. But two of you. The majority of your time from then on is Caine testing different things to see what happens. Usually Caine has overall control of everything. But since you double he doesn't. He can't so much as change the outfit your wearing. He doesn't even know what caused this yet it completely takes away his control. It worries him.

Zooble

When you walked in on two Zooble's you thoughts that her spare parts came to life. But they both have the same parts. With two Zooble's I can see it going one of two ways. 1. They accept the other and team up making it basically impossible to mess with them or you. It really would just feel like one Zooble with double the physical capabilities. I mean she doesn't talk much no matter how comfortable she is with someone so not too much would change in words, just acts. 2. She strikes me as the self loathing type so upon meeting herself she's forced to come to terms with a lot. That makes her hate the double and actively avoid herself. If that happens good luck cause no matter which you choose to spend time with the other will get jealous and borderline pissed that they weren't picked. Now if it goes the first way or you get the two to be ok with each other then you can keep on living. She does have to watch her mouth with you more though. Before she would say something mean and not really mean it. But if two people do that it feels much more real, and true. So she is constantly watching her mouth with you now.

Reader

With two of you again I don't feel like that much would change. You would be able to help Zooble find her parts easier or keep her safer but past that not much difference. It will be a little problematic finding space for two of you on the bed for movie nights but she takes their being two of you surprisingly well. She's a super independent person who can easily handle her own so you wont really have problems to fix that one of you couldn't do.

Kinger

I've mentioned before that I feel Kinger isn't crazy. Not how he's seen at least. The circus is a crazy place and Kinger is just adapted. He is lonely however. He's been here so long and lost so much. With two of him it surprisingly doesn't get worse. Kinger is amazing at comfort we all know this. So with two of him he's able to keep himself calm and safer. Not being as easy a target for Jax or other creatures. Not being as susceptible to losing it. All you really have to do is make sure he knows you still love him and he's a happy king. Trust me when I say two Kinger's could calm down just about anyone. Including himself. He's well spoken and courteous and is one of those people who is naturally really good at comfort.

Reader

Oh geez. You're gonna make him pass out from stress. He's amazing to be around and genuinely loves you. But as I said he's lost a lot. And he's been so worried about losing you. That caused a lot of stress, anxiety, and overall worry. Their's two of you to worry about now. Despite being borderline scared he isn't going to back down. He knows you, he knows you do your best and are worth his time. If he has to work harder for you he will. And his work gets him double the love from you. When he isn't stressing about it it's honestly lovely for him. You provide as good of comfort as you can give. You are also a overall nice person to talk to and be around. You shoo off his loneliness. And with two of you he never really has to be alone. Everyone needs some alone time every now and again but just being around you makes his days better.

(Sorry again this took so long. But I hope you enjoyed it.)

xoxo, Jester

#tadc x reader #the amazing digital circus x reader #caine x reader #zooble x reader #kinger x reader #noob author #not beta'd

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ghostflowerhotpotch · 9 months

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About canon or not canon

This is time around I am talking about fandom issues, not Miguel's theory, so is okay if you want to scroll past this.

I had mentioned this off-hand before in other post, but I feel is always good to do some reminders, specially since I had gotten past a certain number of followers, and the last time I mentioned this I feel it was awhile ago.

I do not care what about canon or canon ships when is about fandom works.

I feel I need to make this clear because I had seen a few "How people could like X ship?! It doesn't make any sense!"

My answer? It doesn't matter, this is about having fun.

I don't know how many people actually know this but I RARELY ship canon ships, this has been happening more as of recently but for the most part I had shipped niche ships or even crack ones.

I consider that the best fic I had ever done, is for a ship that is so minuscule there is only 4 fics in ao3, and 2 of those are mine. And believe me, it makes perfect sense, those characters work together in my head and few others.

But fandom has zero to do with canon; fun story guy did you know the first type of fandom as we know it, was shipper of Spock x Captain Kirk of Star Trek? They would have zines with fics, they will hold reunions to talk about the characters, draw comics about it; the creators and the actors even KNEW about this!

But that ship was never canon, and even if people saw potential in it; it doesn't matter. Fandom is to have fun, not to try to limit how people create.

By the way, if you think this take is weird for the type of content I make, let me say it this way: I think people writing about X ship or writing a character in Y way is okay; I can understand sometimes it can feel frustrating and I am not saying you have to like it.

Everyone had been frustrated for that one story they read where the character they love is completely out of character and you want to rage quit; and I get it, I had gone to my friends to rant sometimes about things like that.

Because let's remember, did this person write this story for me, or did this person write the story this way because it thought the idea of X character doing something in specific sounds like fun for them?

I think we all know the answer.

So no, I can get being frustrated, and that's fine and natural, but one thing is how you behave with a few friends in private while talking about petty things; vs trying to scream in a public place where people, including that person, can see.

You are entitled to your own opinion, in your own space, specially when it wasn't asked. Is not hard.

"Then why you do stupidly long essays about what is happening in the movie?"

Because there is a different of what I write in my fic vs what is happening in the canon story!

Because canon and fanon aren't the same thing! And is much better that way.

Canon cannot be as weird or corny or dumb at times, because it cannot be everything people want; so is nice to have people going crazy with wild ideas. And fanon shouldn't limit itself because is about being creative and seeing how far the human imagination can go.

I think is important remember what happened in canon because I had seen literal people have interpretations of a character (which is fine and dandy,) and then try to say is canon and people who disagree are haters (NOPE.)

I like discussing what the hell is going down the movie because I love the canon material and exploring those topics is fun for me, and because I want to have a way to say "I believe this is what went down and here is my reasons for it." Maybe is the ADHD or maybe is the trauma but I like to be able to justify my response.

But I also recognize when something is totally not canon and I am just exploring ideas. I also like to talk about how things could had been handle better in canon; (because a teen who is just starting doing fanfics should be as cringe as they want, but when the source material is fucking up a story then this is an entirely different story.) That's fun for me too.

Sorry this got so long, it was suppose to be a short message, but like I say, I like to be able to justify my response.

#fandom #fandom issues #fandom problems #shipping

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slowdesire · 10 months

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omg actually keen to hear ur yellowface thoughts once uve synthesised them... im a chronic rf kuang hater but i also do read her books every time so i would love to know what u thoughtttt

hello omg thank you for asking about this, i would love to know your thoughts too actually!

so it's been a day, i was able to sleep on it... this won't be the most serious review ever but i'll freely share both what i've been mulling over and my thoughts as i type. i think the book is good enough for what i personally thought it would be, which is a silly off-kilter story with a very compelling premise. the bare minimum i initially knew, which is that some white girl stole her dead asian-american friend's work, was enough to intrigue me. what i didn't understand was the hype around how "insane" it is on tiktok (which i will readily admit is where i found out about the book's existence) and i had my hesitations to hold it to that standard. turns out i was right to be hesitant. there was room for so much more. like i understand the pov and insights are deliberately limited and unreliable bc of the main character herself, but here's one example: when juniper made a remark on athena not knowing what it's like to be poor, i expected those thoughts to play a larger role in the story or go a bit deeper, but they were left as few among the many bits and pieces of surface level commentary and somewhat valid criticism against athena and it kind of got lost in the mix. this is such a shame especially because it's clear juniper is big on her own family's dynamics and financial situation, so it could've been such a great comparison point (?) for her to really dig into when it came to her resentment against athena.

i feel like that was the biggest missed opportunity in my eyes because when i read the author bio at the end of the book, i was surprised to find that rf kuang herself is from yale. i didn't know who she was before reading the book, this is my introduction to her and i went in completely blind. knowing a bit of her background now honestly leaves a sour taste in my mouth because this time the story feels too self-referential the way some taylor swift songs can be (and i enjoy tswift btw lol). but i don't know for sure since i still haven't looked into her that much. this is why i would LOVE to know why you're a hater bc i feel we'd have similar reasons

also the buildup to the ending and the ending itself were both so underwhelming that it dampened some of the fun i had in earlier parts of the story. like i was enjoying this white woman going kind of crazy but kuang's stab at the uncanny fell so flat i literally could not stop just thinking about perfect blue 1997 and how i did not pick up the same suspense here. not that they have to be the same at all, i just live like this. also in line with this so much of the book feels chronically online. at first i appreciated how online spaces were so heavily embedded in the story but by the halfway point i was like, um.... i thought this was a satire on the publishing industry, not glimpses of publishing interspersed between losing ur mind over twitter and goodreads LOL.

for now this is all i have to say. fun book! i can tell rf kuang is skilled in her own right. i enjoyed the pacing and the writing style, it was such an easy read and there's nothing wrong with that. nothing i want to take too seriously or sink my teeth too deeply into. people on booktok praise yellowface way too highly that's 10000% for sure

#ans #hope its ok i answer ur ask publicly! let me know if i should take this down lol #but i REALLY want to know why youre a hater bc i truly dont know anything about this author at the moment

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i-cant-sing · 1 year

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Sighs ok Snow I’ll tell you my one and only Y/n big brother experience. TW xenophobia

*Quick info about my school upperclassman will be put into a study hall with freshman if they have poor attendance or bad grades. Second lunch is when you have the first half of class go to lunch and then comeback to have the second half of class.*

Ironically this didn’t happen with my brother, but with his friends. He was the shy quiet type but he had a lot of friends that thought he was chill. I was a freshman in Highschool at the time and I was in study hall. My brother was a senior and so we’re his friends. For context I’m first generation in the US and the teacher was going through the attendance list which can be a little embarrassing since I have a very ethnic last name that is difficult to pronounce. The man was trying his best and I politely told him that he can say it however it’s fine and I didn’t care. But sitting right behind me was this white piece of trash in my grade who was highkey xenophobic saying stuff like “Shut the fuck up. Nobody likes you go back to your country bitch” etc. He was also saying it quietly so only I would hear him. Look I’m not some soft little baby I was raised by parents who taught me to take no shit and to not worry about getting in trouble for defending myself. So I very loudly started to tell him off. Even the teacher was like “yeah man what’s you’re problem” but nothing beats the reaction of my brother’s friends in the back of the class. The class breaks for second lunch before we got up one of my brother’s friends asks me “Hey are you (my brother’s name) little sister? Dude I know that kid he’s crazy!” As we get up to go to lunch he grabs his buddy and they push the problematic guy at the front of the class. And then he goes “Ladies and gentlemen we have a special announcement to make we have a professional beta male over here just a simple beta nothing to worry about” as they kept nudging him around when the other chimes in “Can’t even talk to girls with respect.” I was struggling not to laugh and I thought it was over and went to eat lunch. Let me tell you when I came out of the cafeteria to go back to class in the big hallway/common space I was not expecting to see what they did. Those same senior guys had gotten a few more members from their football team and literally had picked up the kid that was giving me problems raised him bouncing him up and down while chanting “BITCH BITCH BITCH”. What was interesting to me is that despite how strict it was there nobody did anything about it and sort of just let it happen. Not gonna lie as a freshman who felt like everyone hated me this was reassuring. Though I doubt this was purely to defend me I also think they wanted an opportunity to rough up a freshman. My brother laughed his ass off hearing what happened and the kid never bothered me again so it was a win win. (I can picture Haikyuu boys doing something similar lol). But yeah that’s my most interesting Highschool story hope you enjoyed😂

Awww. Yeah this definitely sounds like something Haikyuu boys would do, and the first thing they'd do is body slam that brat to tye ground. Teacher or not, they're not getting in trouble unless that teacher wants to be ambushed after school and get the shit beat out of him.

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shjiyemis · 2 years

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Do you have any thoughts on clown church/purpleblood religion it's my favorite aspect of homestuck and I always like seeing how other people interpret it. I mostly have been thinking about how it changes on earth C from alternia, but alternian clown church is also cool

I HAVE SO MANY FUCKING THOUGHTS DUDE

Like I literally hate how its interpretted bc its literally taking a bunch voudo inspo and using ICP lingo and more inspo from another musical artist/band that my friend pointed out a while ago to me and I cant remember but MY GOD

A lot of the stuff they were using in the clown church religion really felt like they looked up small bits of vodou and used some stuff they already know and are probs more stereotypes then fact and demonized tf out of it RTYVGBUHJNKM GOD IM IN HATE

My thought process of clown religion is that we dont get much, and i do not believe its a not to be spoken of cult, That doenst really makes sense to me i guess bc these bitches are literally wearing their face paint out in the open, theres no fucking way tbh LOL. At most to me its literally a closed off religion in homestuck. Plus its literally normal to murder on Alternia too so like PLEASE??????

Ok NOW I am going to actually talk about how I see it and stop complaining about how its seen DERFTYGUHI

I see the the clown church as definitely something we dont get much talk about in the OG homestuck so ive basically written into it a LOT and I honestly dont really look at hiveswap or friendsim for refs bc these ppl are fucking making me crazy bc they kinda are TRYING to demonize Gamzee so they demonize the purples and the clown religion in general

Since we're reading the comic and if you think about it, we are reading this religion from an empire that is being manipulated by its dictator (The Condensce) and that dictator is also being manipulated somewhat by someone behind the scenes (Lord English). We already know that the religions messiahs are supposedly Lord English and Doc Scratch

But I dont even think thats the case!! Because The more I think about it, dont even think it makes much sense for them to be literal messiahs/gods bc it really feels like a goddamn joke bc neither of them can exist at all without the game!!

SO I specifically believe that Doc Scratch and/or Lord English had requested some kind of hierarchy and she manipulated the religion overtime and now Doc Scratch and/or Lord English are literally WORSHIPPED and then the whole warped version of the religion was impliemented so hard for so long that the religion cant be seen as anything else on Alternia other then a sacrifical cult that aims to deduce the lowblood population!!

--------------------------------

Here are some things I have written for it before it became deduced that in the OG:

-The actual name of the clown church religion is called "The Dark Spiral"

-There are more messiahs and also gods that can be worshipped within the The Dark Spiral but the main ones are Mirth and Rage (Who are NOT Doc Scratch and/or Lord English)

-The Dark Spiral is a closed off religion (with exceptions after a long process)

-The Dark Spiral has many public units where they can give thanks/pray (That are basically temple type settings) but those are not the actual places of worship. The locations of the places of worship are unknown to anyone who arent followers of The Dark Spiral. There are specific passages/trails one must take and going any other way may kill them.

-Places of worship are large open spaces that are well hidden and are secluded. They can be either underground, in a LARGE SECLUDED areas away from civilization, or within caves or mountains

-Ritual sacrifices for either Mirth or Rage are usually large animals that are usually cared for and loved. Troll sacrifices for Mirth are minimal and only true followers that volunteer can be sacrifices. A person who is unwilling to be a sacrifice does not bring good luck from Mirth. A sacrifice specific for Rage is also minimal and usually a troll who commits a crime towards the The Dark Spiral or someone within The Dark Spiral who is believed to be truly despicable.

-Special Stardust is made of Lusus bones, A special mineral only known to Alternia (it shines like a rainbow and when grinded up for the stardust its definitely gives a glittery look), and ashes of loved ones (which can be anything not just trolls).

-Special Stardust is mixed into their face paint sometimes on special occasions like a festival or celebration of some kind having to do with the faith.

-Followers of The Dark Spiral pray with the tips of their fingers on their chin or cheeks with their face looking up with their eyes closed specifically when they are tanking the Messiahs or Gods that they may specifically worship within the faith. They pray like most when it's a general prayer of good luck. They also do very quick prayers of luck by honking their nose twice (similar to how some may form a cross on their chest)

-There are most definitely different branches of belief in The Dark Spiral but the main and most popular depiction of The Dark Spiral is the one I am talking about now.

And of course all of this might've been erased and warped thanks to The Condensce and other trolls who may have been dedicated to her or misguided followers. (Not saying canonically but saying that's literally what mightve happen with my specific interpretation of the clown church AKA The Dark Spiral)

#shye speaks #cyclicalaberration #homestuck #homestuck headcanons #the clown church #shyes rewritten alternia

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multiplicity-positivity · 1 year

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I hope you don't mind me coming to you with this, ignore me if I do

I think I might be a plural singlet. I've "soul bonded" with at least one fictional character or I have fictives? it's hard to tell because they never have control of me/the body. I can talk to them but they leave sometimes. I can't tell if I'm just maladaptive daydreaming or not.

I have one that's a fully unique person, he shows up at random times to be icky. I originally thought I was just naming my intrusive thoughts to cope, to separate those thoughts from my actual thoughts. maybe it is just that. I'm not sure.

is it possible for all of them to leave sometimes? to fully be a singlet while they stay in the background? like having multiple tabs open while only using one.

I can sometimes feel them. not literally but also literally? I can feel the ghost of their touch. I can feel their presence. I feel like there's another person in the room with me when I talk to them. I don't know if that's also just the maladaptive daydreaming

I'm sorry for the long ask. this has been weighing on me and I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it since I don't have traditional alters that front. how do I explain that all my alters are so far removed from me? or what I think could be alters.. I don't want to be called crazy or delusional because of the bond I have with fictional characters

for context purposes- I have bpd, autism and, like I said, maladaptive daydreaming. I'm pretty sure they came about from trauma. (tw) I had just gotten out of a toxic, codependent relationship when I soul bonded to a specific character I love. he makes me feel safe. it tears me up that I can't actually touch him

Hiya! We definitely don’t mind folks coming to us with their experiences, we hope we can help somehow! :3

First off um, I’d say that if you don’t think you have DID or OSDD, it would be better to call your system members something besides alter. That word specifically describes self-states or personality states in dissociative disorders! So if you’re pretty sure you don’t have one of those, it would be best to stick with headmates or some other word >w<

And it’s totally normal for system members to disappear sometimes, in systems of all sorts!! Sometimes stress, overwhelming situations, or simply having a lot going on can make it difficult for headmates to keep up communication. We think that with some types of created systems, it takes conscious effort from the host to maintain the presence of their headmates, so it makes sense for them to disappear from time to time! :33

Also they could just be… not fronting! But still active in the headspace! That’s how it is in our system… we may not be fronting all the time, but that doesn’t mean we’re gone! And for our host, who’s usually frontstuck, it may feel like we’re gone when we’re really still there, just outside the fronting space.

We’ve heard of soulbonding systems, plural singlets, and systems who formed from BPD or maladaptive daydreaming before! All of these things are valid plural experiences, and you and your system are definitely welcome in the plural community!! In the end it doesn’t matter what labels y’all choose to define your experience… what matters most is that you’re learning about yourself, finding a framework that brings you joy, and connecting with your headmates along the way!! >w<

Thanks so much for reaching out!! We hope y’all have a lovely day! :3

💚 Ralsei, 👻 Ghost, and 🐢 Kip

#questioning system #plural singlet #maladaptive daydreaming #soulbond

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frogs-in3-hills · 1 year

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dgs case 2 thoughts babeyyy. oops it's long this time

sooo no trial this case!! very interesting!! personally it felt like things got a little boring quite often, maybe because there were so few areas to explore? and i think the pacing was, much like the first case, a little sluggish at times. however i still think it felt wayy better than the aai games, which also had no trials. i would love to have seen a version of aai more like this case, with "argument" portions removed and the logic system more similar to the dance of deduction. overall i am really glad they let the story do what it needed to do instead of trying to squeeze a trial in there, it would have felt really forced considering the setting

i am sooooo obsessed with the dance of deduction by the way,, i think out of all the unique investigative functions throughout the series (magatama, perceive, mood matrix, etc) this might be my favorite. the conceit of it is so creative with ryuunosuke having to course correct using his observation skills, and it actually makes me appreciate sholmes' presence a lot more since it offers a lovely bit of insight into his character: you can kind of see where he's going with everything, but it's his vivid imagination, not stupidity, that leads him to get details wrong-- and those details cause his deductions to spiral out of control and miss the mark. he's so creative, but he doesn't even stop to think that the world might not operate with that same level of creativity. i just think that is so charming wtf. and while it does seem a little too easy i imagine it will get more difficult later, and mechanically i think the visuals really spice things up and i love seeing them take full advantage of the 3d models. i think its a really excellently designed system

speaking of taking advantage of 3d models can i just say i love how the settings are built and how the characters take up that space??? because i looovve the way it creates a more dynamic space and feels more like the characters exist in their environment, while still keeping true to the visual novel style. all that is to say i'm so impressed by the actual game design here and i'm really excited to continue playing through it

anyways i guess i should like. talk about the plot. i guess. hi this case was like super fucked up, but like, in a very unique way?? genuinely, the conclusion to this case felt more like a danganronpa trial than it did an ace attorney case. and the fact that this random 15 yo kid accidentally killed this guy for NO reason?? that's heartbreaking dude, it makes me wonder a lot about what asougi's true goal was and how it relates to the concept of revenge and closure. bc what dgs is telling us with this case is that the truth isn't necessarily all that rewarding, right? knowing who killed asougi doesn't make me or ryuunosuke or susato feel better, and knowing he wasn't planning to reveal pavlova's identity makes her feel worse. even before that, learning that he literally just broke his neck due to an unlucky fall only invites this keen sense of unfairness. there's no closure or revenge or schadenfreude, just a little girl who made a really horrible, but ultimately sympathetic mistake.

i said last post that i felt asougi might be one of those seeking revenge types, or something like that, what with his connection to family honor as well as his obvious ambition. so i can't help but wonder if, when we finally figure out what it was that asougi needed to do in london, ryuunosuke has to face a choice: is he really going to continue his friend's legacy? after all, he's the one holding the sword now, which isn't just symbolic of a man's soul or his honor or whatever, it's a weapon. why did asougi really want to bring something like that so badly?

anyways aaaaaug susato. shes great i love her. no crazy thoughts abt her yet but i love her

anyways i think thats about all i wanted to say there, i liked this case a lot and i'm really excited to keep playing ^_^ semester doesn't start back up for a few more weeks so i'll probably have plenty of time to do so

#dgs liveblogging #sully is typing #dgs spoilers #tgaa spoilers #dgs #aa

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theeeveetamer · 2 years

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Scarlet Blaze Liveblog, Chapter 5

It got rid of my extra spaces when I hit post :( Why do we live? Just to suffer?

SPEAKING OF SUFFERING! Holy shit the new Tumblr beta editor REALLY fucking hates formatting. Wouldn’t let me make any of these sections into bullet points. I have been fighting with this thing for weeks now (it also really hates letting me remove large sections of text as well). Had to turn it off to get any semblance of formatting so I hope it looks alright when I hit post

Explore dialogue

Now we have an NPC saying that there SHOULDN’T be fog this time of year. Make up your mind, game.

Linhardt: Aw my lazy days are over :(

Shez: You know some of us never had lazy days

Linhardt: Yeah but weren’t you just doing that because you wanted to?

Uh, no it’s called Shez is a commoner and had to literally become a mercenary to SURVIVE. They mention that numerous times. In another support they talk about how they were happy to eat rats if it meant their belly got filled. jfc, Lin, the privilege just oozing from you…

There’s a random mage lady who asks you if anyone on the opposing side uses dark magic. Agarthan lady, perhaps?

Ferdie stands like someone wearing one of those babydoll skirts from Style Savvy and I love him

Interesting that they explicitly state that Hrym was wiped out for resisting Ionus’s power centralization here. IIRC that was a lot less explicit in 3H

We also have explicit trade with Dagda, Albinea, Brigid and others. So I guess that’s another point against “Rhea doesn’t let Fodlan have contact with outside nations”

Why does Randolph look like he has a tiny blanket on his shoulder lmao

Wait why was Constance hostile to living in the Empire again?

Oof. Between Dimitri and Edelgard, Dimitri definitely got the superior Hapi nickname

Random Tidbits

Lmao. Hubert being like “I don’t even have to try not to kill you” during training and Ferdie being like “uh. Thanks. I think.”

I really wish the game would tell me when a character maxes out support points even if the letter is locked. It’s really annoying building support and then just realizing it’s not going up anymore after you’ve wasted so many training points and whatnot

I’ve decided that I’ve stopped caring if units like the food I’m cooking. Y’all will eat it and y’all will like it. I’m done coddling your asses.

I don’t care if you’re bad at the tasks either. Caspar, Linhardt, I’m sure you’ll do fine at running this street stall.

HUBERT WANTS TO GO ON AN EXPEDITION!!! OH BOY!!!

Hol up lemme drop everything

I hope he takes me somewhere nice to kill me

Good thing I unlocked all these new excursion spots. Gonna drive me crazy tho since I’m pretty sure there’s different dialogue in each one

“The shorter a leash, the better”. Kinky

Let’s go on a nice waterfront murder date

“Once, two souls took a boat out on the water… Only one returned. A fine story, yes?” oh my god he’s actually going to kill me

I have a feeling he wanted me to propose a competition… No wonder Ferdie is his type

“Ask thoughts on their employer” that’s a new one, I don’t remember that question ever popping up before

Unfortunately I don’t get to stare at his face. I was really looking forward to more murder dialogue.

Support Conversations

Shez/Caspar C - Caspar has daddy issues lmao of course he does they all do.

Sorry, having daddy issues won’t save your appeal from that hairstyle

I was about to comment on Caspar being like “I’ve got to build my way up from the bottom” but then he actually addressed what I was going to say by acknowledging that he at least has his name to lean on. So good for you Caspar, I see you retain some semblance of self awareness in this game so far.

Shez/Linhardt C - Shez: Just so we’re clear, whatever Hubert said you were gonna do to me, I’m not into it.

Shez is not kinky confirmed :(

How is Linhardt NOT interested in Shez’s power. She literally fucking shapeshifts and he’s just like “eh, whatever it’s just a sword.”

Like. What. C’mon dude.

Shez/Monica C - Ok Monica I hate you

MANUELA/JERITZA B LET’S GO - GIRL STOP BEING SO THIRSTY

Oh my god do not make Jeritza smile

Manuela: Don’t you want to talk to people?

Jeritza: No.

Stop making Jeritza relatable to me

Lmao Manuela realizing she’s still single because everyone views her as a teacher

Come to me Manuela! I have a teacher kink! We can do both!

Caspar/Dorothea C - Caspar: I’m reading

Dorothea: You can read???

This support is weird. Caspar is like “I wanna study” and Dorothea is like “You need to study!!!! Here let me lecture you on how you need to study!!!!!!!!!!” Caspar: “WOW I NEED TO STUDY!!!!”

Like he was already doing it Dorothea, geez.

Shez/Manuela C - Lmao we stan a messy queen

Y’know Manuela we can smash. I’ll never leave you

Shez/Hubert B - Uh wow weirdly abrupt start. Am I supposed to take this as happening directly after the last one??? They’re standing in the same place and Shez starts like Hubert just said something

Like. Really weird way to do this

“Sever ties” so that’s what the kids are calling it these days

Shez: You have emotions

Hubert: *confused Hubert noises*

Lmao he just had to insult my intelligence there at the end. Never change, Hubert

I know this is a lot of supports but since I’m playing on NG+ I have like 8 activity and 8 training points so it’s stupid easy to get supports. I didn’t even talk about all of them. I imagine future posts will have less as I start hitting time gated supports

Side Battle/Story Content

I’ve been putting this off by playing free mode battles with the renown unlockable characters lol.

Omg Maximum ambulation. Ferdie runs so fast. He’s got the zoomies!!!

Oh no Hubert wants to kill talk to me

Hubert: It’s cute how u thought I would let you live, tho

HI DADDY RODRIGUE

Man first Seteth now Rodrigue? This route really hates DILFs I guess

I mean I’m not surprised. Look at Count Bergliez

RIP Gustave is here too. Guess they’re making him fight in this route

Main Battle/Story Content

Everyone: *whispering*

Ferdie: WHY ARE WE WHISPERING!!!!!!!???? :D

Ferdie you lovable himbo

Ok do we really need three rounds of “why is everyone so quiet” so everyone can get their dialogue about being quiet in?

I wonder if this conversation changes with permadeath. It’s kind of written like it

Maybe I should do an “everyone dies” run in the future just to see how the story changes lol

INGRID!!!!!! MY DARLING!!!!!

Lmao I don’t even like Ingrid that much but I already miss my Lions :(

Oh I guess Jeralt is in the Kingdom now

I mean they’re trying to do the whole “oooooh mystery who could it beeeeeeeee” thing but I know Ling Tong when I hear him

Oh looks like Ashe is a traitor. Can’t say I’m surprised

Honestly fuck Lonato. If you have a problem with sexy dragon lady you have a problem with me

I haven’t talked about this but honestly the colors are fucking me. It’s a good thing Warriors games don’t have friendly fire because I keep running right past all the soldiers in blue to try and kill all the soldiers in red, because like. Fire Emblem do be like that normally

I keep finding big purple circles on the ground. What is that. What does it do. Who is doing that

I actually feel like a bad person for recruiting Ashe here. I mean Lonato is literally willing to kill the poor kid

Edelgard: Family should not fight family

Also Edelgard: Unless it’s Dimitri fuck that guy lmao

Also Also Edelgard: Also Rhea, since she probably banged my great great great great grandaddy a thousand years ago (and maybe is my great great great great grandmommy). Fuck her too

“I could not bear to lose another son” Ok then maybe don’t try killing him, Lonato???? What the fuck?

If saving you weren’t a requirement you would be so dead right now, Lonato

Byleth was kind of a pushover on NG+ lmao

… I’m sorry does Monica have jiggle physics

Ok her boobs don’t have jiggle physics, but her bow does. Which makes it look like she has boob jiggle physics. Why.

JFC Bergliez is so ugly

JUDITH MY BELOVED

She was surprisingly absent from AG I’m glad I get to see more of her

I’m sorry, Bergliez got all the way to Deirdriu????? When???????? When did we do that?????

Damn we killing daddy Gloucester, aren’t we? This is dead Fire Emblem dad dialogue

Oh even this guy gets a first name. Not the moms tho. Fuck the moms I guess :/

I’m surprised Fleche got a name and wasn’t just “Randolph’s sister” for the entirety of 3H

Kinda awkward to hear Petra complimenting the dude that murdered her dad

“The head of House Ordelia is one of the Five Great Lords” am I misremembering? I thought Lysithea’s family gave up their seat at the roundtable to Marriane’s uncle because they knew their house was in decline thanks to Lysithea’s condition

I went looking through her supports to see if I was right and apparently Lysithea/Hilda support confirms homeopathy of all things exists in 3H. No wonder these people still die of the plague.

Ok I couldn’t find anything and I don’t care enough to keep looking, but I got my eye on you, continuity guy

“Consider why we chose not to dismantle House Aegir” goddamn Hubert is just going straight for Ferdie’s throat

Ferdie: Haha I’m in danger

Also RIP Ferdie basically blatantly admitting that he’s only still around because he’s willing to “toe the line” regardless of how he feels about anything. Why am I supposed to be rooting for the Empire again?

I don’t get why people are like “We went to school with these people for 30 seconds maybe they’ll listen to reason” like? Why would they, exactly?

Like it was stupid in 3H but at least they had a whole year in 3H. In this game they were all literally at the academy for like a month

Recruiting Ashe also feels weirdly OOC for him after he spent the entirety of AG’s prologue and parts of part 1 talking about how Lonato would want him to do what he thinks is right and how he believes Lonato has gone off the rails, and while it hurts him, he believes it’s right to stop Lonato. Here he’s just like “Ok fine I don’t want to kill him I guess I’ll join you. Fuck my dreams of being a knight.”

I guess they had to make someone from the BL recruitable and everyone else makes even less sense than Ashe. I mean can you imagine if they let you recruit Ingrid here? Lmao

Anyways wrapping up

Spoilers for recruitables in this route here here.

Can I just say, the spread of recruitable characters, from a gameplay perspective, is kind of weird?

On SB, of the characters you get automatically, half of them are mages (5 of your starting 11 are mages).

Not including the wolves or other characters, you get Ashe, Ignatz, Lorenz, Raphael, Lysithea, Marianne, Mercedes, and Leonie (under special circumstances) in addition to the SB characters. But like. That means on SB you get two axes (Caspar, Edelgard), two swordies (Shez, Petra), three mounted lances (Ferdie, Jeritza, Lorenz), one brawler (Raphael), four archers (Bernie, Ashe, Ignatz, Leonie), and eight magic units (Hubert, Dorothea, Linhardt, Monica, Manuela, Lysithea, Marianne, Mercedes). If you include the wolves you get ten. Ten magic users. What do I need ten of these guys for? What is this game’s obsession with mages (the Lions also had way too many, though it wasn’t this egregious and at least Annette can be a serviceable axe unit once she gets Crusher)?

Made even worse because there’s only two magic master classes, and only one magic master class per gender which means you’re going to be ending up with two dark bishops and eight gremories. You can’t equip tomes as a dark knight or holy knight either, you have to use the lance, which is not optimal for many of these mage units. No idea why they decided to take out Valkyrie and Dark Flier if they were going to create so many damn mages. Basically every other weapon type (aside from archers and brawlers) gets at least two different options for master classes, and there aren’t nearly as many archers and brawlers as there are mages.

I guess I’ll use Constance and Hapi more on GD, since at least they only come with Marianne and Lysithea to start

#SB Liveblogging #Scarlet Blaze Spoilers #FEW3H

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travelerswoes · 16 days

Text

5/27/2024

Minors / Ageless DNI

Hmm…

Today has been… weird.

I had to check out of my last motel, and while I thought about getting another week at that one I decided not to because of how insanely rude the staff was to me there.

So instead, I walked to target and got a backpack and food and then I walked to the mall because they don’t care about people just sitting in there doing nothing. I was able to charge my phone and stay out of most of the rain, however because it’s memorial day the mall closed a few hours earlier than normal so I walked to Waffle House in the POURING rain. I was absolutely soaked when I got there that it’s crazy. But I got some food and was able to wait off most of the rain until I got to a different Motel 6.

The first one I was at was $240 for 3 days, this one was literally only $500 for TWO WEEKS!

I’m going to go up to the front office after I get off of work tomorrow and double check what my checkout day is but I might reup it before then if it’s still that cheap.

Someone sent me $100 through venmo and I’m putting that directly into savings to be put towards a car, because at least a car means I’ll have protection from the rain. My biggest worry will be insurance, but I think getting a car through FB marketplace will help cut down on car payment costs - if there even is any - and then I can just put insurance on my credit card again.

I have some blisters on my feet even though I wore socks because of how soaked they got.

My mom has sent me a few different homeless shelters in the area and even told me that if needed she can pick me up from work and take me to one but I know they tend to only allow people in for a certain period of time so I hope that if I end up having to go to one, I am able to get in since I get off at 9pm.

I’ll go more into depth into what I got at target for only $107:

1 Backpack from the travel section

1 32oz water bottle

1 container of hydration tablets for my water

8 things of those tuna and chicken snack packs (half chicken, half tuna)

A value pack of craisins (comfort snack of mine)

A value pack of jerky (easy protein, takes up very little space)

A pack of 400 hair bands

A bottle of shampoo

The only thing I didn’t get that I wanted to was a charger for my battery pack, so that’s still currently useless. Thankfully it takes a type-c charger so I will be able to find one easily AND that means I’ll be able to charge my THC pen! Which has definitely been something I’ve needed.

I keep wanting to cry. Even just writing that singular sentence made me tear up again. Everything is so… not hard, but confusing. I am so unsure of myself and what I need to do and where I need to go.

I know for sure I need a car and that is my big goal that I am now saving for, because again a car is shelter and then I won’t be confined to a Motel 6 but can sleep pretty much anywhere. Plus a car means I can look for low income housing, because the low income housing in my area is either booked out pretty far, for seniors, or for single mothers, so a car means I can look a bit further for housing as well!

My mom has been texting me all day that she’s worried about my safety and that she loves me, and I try to keep her updated but it’s hard and I’m conflicted.

Idek how to explain why, but she’s my mother and i love her but she’s hurt me so repeatedly over the past few years and I don’t want this to be the reason why we get close again because this is such a shitty reason for it to be but at the same time I just want my mom. I need her. I love her so much and it hurts me so much that our relationship has deteriorated because of things that have happened on both sides.

I wish we could’ve gotten closer because of normal reasons, like me finally having my own place and inviting her over and us just having one on one time that way, but that’s not what I got and I wish I did and maybe I’m selfish for wanting that but I feel like I get to be selfish in some of my wants, right?

But all of that is still burdened by this wish that I had a better family, one that didn’t hurt me and cast me aside and value people we aren’t even related to above me. I’m tired of feeling like something extreme needs to happen for my family to give a shit and even then it’s not my family giving a shit it’s my mom.

I want my sister to be better. I want her to not have hurt me the way she has, and I want her to also reach out to me and ask me if I am okay. I would let her know myself but so many times my texts have gone unanswered until she needs something from me and I don’t want that pattern to continue. I don’t want to be the one constantly reaching out and being ignored only to be reached out to when it benefits others. I want my family to want me, yknow?

Idk, I haven’t really sat here and grieved my lost relationships with them because I guess I always figured there was a chance it would be repaired in some way, but only one person is attempting to fix it and only one person is showing me she gives a shit and that almost hurts worse than if no one did because why can she care but the others can’t?

Or at the very least, why can she show that she cares to me and the others can’t even if they do?

Like you can’t send me a text asking me if I am okay but you can comment on my FaceBook posts? You can tag me in things on there? Is it just a show for the public?

Ugh

idk

i just cried and typed all that out. i sometimes hate the word vomit that comes from this, but fuck it. It’s how i felt, and even if tomorrow i feel differently that doesn’t take away from the validity of my feelings.

UGH UGH UGH OKAY

I also need to get this out;

A lady asked me for a lighter today and I gave it to her. I was sitting outside of the mall under a tree before I went inside waiting for the rain to lighten up so I wouldn’t be soaked heading inside. It was just a simple white lighter, but she looked so happy and then looked even happier that I said she could keep it. That was my highlight for the day.

Then… 30min later, this man walks up to me and just starts to talk to me. I try not to adopt a “hate/fear all men” mindset because even though, yes, men have decided to abuse their power over me in the past not every man is my father, yknow? But this guy gave me such an icky feeling and I didn’t know what to do about it.

He asked me what I was doing and I told him immediately that I was waiting for a ride from my family, so at least he would think someone was expecting me to be in the area even though no one was. He kept asked me about my tattoos, my hair, my bag, and my phone. I answered his questions politely and he kept inching closer to me. Like every other question he would take a step closer to me and I would take a step back, but I didn’t feel like I could be anything other than polite to him because the area we were in didn’t have any cameras and even if some were pointed towards us we were under trees so it would’ve been blocked anyways.

This guy came back to his car and watched us for a second and the guy very noticeable created a massive distance between us - he took like seven large steps backwards - so I grabbed my bag that was laying on the ground that he was standing over and just started to walk to go inside of the mall. He followed me, asked me for my name so I gave him a fake one, but as soon as we were within visibility of the cameras he quickly turned and sped-walked away from me.

Literally so fucking creepy???? I haven’t told my mother about this because I don’t want to worry her further but I’ll be honest when I was sitting in the mall I kept watching for him but I didn’t see him again.

I saw another homeless person on my way to Waffle House doing some panhandling, but I’m too afraid to do that. I know how the cops in my area can be - especially since most of them know me because of my dead sister - and I want to limit my possible interactions with them as much as possible. I read online that they sometimes send homeless people to california if they get arrested and I truly do not want to be back in Cali unless it’s my choice.

I’m from there, and I have family from both sides there, but I don’t know that family well and I wouldn’t want to put anyone out. And the state is SO EXPENSIVE. Yeah minimum wage is high but what if I can’t get a job?

I also read online that they’re opening a cooling shelter in my area! I was wondering when we would get one since we have a warming shelter and it’s actually the same church that’s doing it! I, personally, will probably not utilize it much since I’ll be at the Motel or work, but it’s something I’ll keep in the back of mind just in case I do need it or if I need to direct someone to it.

#homeless #homelessness #diary entry #housing is a human right #minors do not interact #minors dni #not safe for minors #unhoused #alternative

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oggy-sha-kyu · 2 months

Video

youtube

How to Manifest Whatever You Desire!

By Qesankh Maa Kheperu

I know it may seem crazy that you have the power to manifest anything you want. But to be honest, it is a fundamental principle of the universe. Creation is abundance, meaning it’s complete. You cannot add to it and you cannot subtract from it. Therefore, it is click here to learn more all that is and ever will be. You as the co-creator of all that is only have to ask for that which you desire to appear.

We are caught up in the Western mindset that all that there is, the end all and be all of our existence, is the physical realm. This is because we are caught up and polarized in left brain thinking which cannot and does not take into account the metaphysical. Several years ago, a DVD and book were released called The Secret which claimed that you could have anything you wanted through the law of attraction. But The Secret was merely a cash grab and only focused on teaching you to acquire money because they knew it would be a key selling point to attract buyers of their product.

But those in magic or the occult knew the truth. The power that manifests your deepest desire is not some big secret. In fact, you already do it now unconsciously. You manifest good and bad things in life according to your belief system. A thought powered by a strong belief equals the world you experience. The truth is you are a reality generating machine; but you were never taught how to properly use your power. You harbor all kinds of thoughts many of which are detrimental to your well-being.

Were you worried that you would get laid off only to find the morning you came in they actually did lay you off? Guess who manifested that? That strong emotion of fear triggered it. The subconscious mind does not differentiate between what you want and what you don’t want. It only acts on the strongest emotion or belief. Now, with that said I have developed a system that when put into practice will actually help you control the awesome power within you. Follow the steps below and watch your life radically change!

In the religion of Ausar and Ausar the God, Herukhuti and Het-Heru were dating and had a very passionate love affair. Herukhuti was a warrior God, the God of justice, while Het-Heru was the Goddess of joy and pleasure. Together they formed a very passionate and intense energy. This is the energy you must tap into. However, their relationship did not last long, because Het-Heru went on to marry Heru or Horus, son of Ausar and Auset. Let us go into the technique to manifest your desires.

Set your goal. Make sure you are passionate about it. This must be something that every time you think about it you become extremely elated. Make sure that the thing you want has a means by which to come to you. Wishing for extra money yet staying in your basement playing video games for weeks on end does not create an opening. You must get a job, start a business, etc. Focus on the image of you having what you desire in the present moment. The emotion is key. What would it feel like to be complete? To have that thing you desire right now? This is the feeling you must dwell on. Periodically dwell on this throughout your day. This focus should continue until your desire manifests. Do this for at least a full moon cycle, 28 days. Now put that desire or objective in the back of your mind. Literally shift it to a type of afterthought. This process moves it from the left brain to your right brain. The right brain has the power to tap into universal forces to manifest your desire. It is not limited by resources or time and space. Have faith that the thing you desire will come. Leave no room for doubt. Expect it! Do not focus on the outcome but rather the process. Don’t become outcome-dependent. No matter what you see before you in the real world don’t let it shake or break your faith. This is the Heru factor. Heru, symbolized by a hawk, was known for his laser focus when attacking his prey. Nothing could deter him.

Lastly, sit back and watch the magic happen. Remember to enjoy the process and give what you want time to manifest. We live in the fourth dimension. This means there is a lag time between what you think and when it manifests. Depending on what your objective is, you could get it right away or it could take months, perhaps years. Now, there is one caveat that most spiritualists will never tell you about. This caveat is your pre-life agreement or soul contract, which could thwart your efforts.

(Important Note: This is a secret that most occult practitioners fail to address. When you perform your visualization, it is important that you get caught up in it and the emotion. You must get into the so-called, “flow state” and lose self-awareness. This means that time could pass while you are in this state and you not even realize it. When this happens, you are directly in contact with source and on your way!)

#youtube

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personal-life--dontjudge · 8 months

Text

October 17, 2023

Yup, making a comeback.

So it’s been four years since I’ve last written an entry here. I don’t know why I feel so inclined to write here now, but so much has happened.

So this entry is going to be about my sister. I have three younger sisters, but the one I’m going to speak about is the second child so one right after me. She has always been the type of person to think she is entitled to everything she wants. And of course, as we grow we mature, but I think that’s one thing she’s never learned to change and it’s hurting her now.

So quick recap: my sister got a boyfriend, moved out, had a baby, had a house bought for her in CT, had another child, and has two dogs. We also bought a house for my parents, myself and my two younger sisters.

So now we’re at 2021 if I’m not mistaken, where she has a job offer. This job offer requires her to move back to New York which, of course we’re all supporting her that includes her husband and us, her immediate family. So she comes takes over the house takes over a whole room which we’re fine because obviously her four person family needs some type of space. We welcome her in with open arms expecting that she’s here for a job and she’s gonna be working hard. Little did we know the drama that was about to unfold.

Now just so you know, my family has never been part of any drama we like to keep to ourselves, any problems are in-house literally. So she had a lot of drama within her own little family to the point where I guess she wasn’t happy with her husband anymore. She then proceeds to tell me a couple weeks after she’s moved back that she wants to leave him and that she’s met someone else. This is the part where I was confused because it’s crazy to me that you build a life with someone who you can tell we’re crazy about each other and now all of a sudden it’s over because she met someone. This is where I was a little upset not because she wanted to leave her husband because that’s not my business; she was trying to make a huge change without thinking about her children. This is not to say where I think you should stay in a loveless marriage just because you have children together, everybody is entitled to receive the love that they deserve.

This is where it gets really suspicious, she makes the official announcement that she’s leaving her husband and then out of nowhere: three days later there was a “covid outbreak” at her job, where she can no longer be at home.

It turns out she moved in with a woman who she felt she was in love with, and left her kids and her husband in our house, so what am I supposed to think? Because the fact that you have left your whole family for one person you just met is unbelievable to me. She was also still married so I don’t understand why she didn’t go through the process first before she decided to get with another person.

My sister is a lot of things and one of those things is she likes to rush things or she thinks that she’s right the first time. So I always thought she got with her boyfriend/husband too soon but love is love and they made it work. But now she’s realizing that this isn’t the man for her And her solution is to just rush off and get into a new relationship. Fast forward to the part where she comes back two months later to pick up her kids, as if she wasn’t gone for all that time. To the point where her kids cried every night because their mom wasn’t there. Sure she called and they would ask her when she was coming home. Idon’t know what she told them, but it wasn’t the answer they needed to hear they needed their mom there. Anyways, she came back to grab all her stuff and her kids to move into this woman’s house. We are now going to refer to this woman as “the bitch“.

My sister supposedly is living her best life, but we noticed there’s a change in her. We then found out she was getting physically abused by this bitch. And when we found out, we moved her out of there, but she moved back. This happened five times over the span of three months. We were now getting to the point where we were realizing she didn’t want to be saved, so we just had to pray for my niece and nephew.

Right now, my sister and her husband are going through a custody battle as well as divorce proceedings and I can only imagine how this is affecting the children. I just try to give them the most love I can when I see them. I hate that I can’t do anything more because they didn’t deserve what happened to them or I should say what is still happening to them.

Let’s refer back to the job that she came down here for. She no longer has it because she was fired. And I honestly think that the behavior that she exhibited while she was with this bitch is the reason why she lost her job. So now, because of this bitch, she doesn’t have a husband, she doesn’t have a job, and she lost her home. Of course, she was living with us, but it wasn’t her home, it wasn’t what she had back in Connecticut. In Connecticut she had her own space. She had a huge yard. The babies had their own rooms and now because of the bitch, the job that she so desperately wanted to do, that she studied hard for is gone. Now that she was fired, there aren’t going to be many opportunities for her to go back in that field. She lost her dream job.

Right now my sister and I are estranged. We don’t talk because she moves back into our house like she owns the place. She doesn’t pay rent and she thinks she can do whatever she wants. She has currently moved her dog into our house and the dog is not at fault obviously but there’s a reason we don’t have a dog. Everyone in the family, including her, is allergic, but she doesn’t listen to reason so she just invaded our space and it’s no longer a place where I can feel like I can be completely comfortable.

Honestly, I want her out of there, but I know if she leaves so will my niece and nephew, and I don’t want them going anywhere because she doesn’t have the right state of mind to prioritize her kids. I think she’s capable of just bringing them anywhere and it just being convenient for her. I pray every day that things get better and for there to be a solution because she used to be my best friend but now she’s been brainwashed by this bitch and now she thinks she’s the tyrant of the world. Who knows if she is still with her, but she still thinks she can do no wrong in coming to our home to do whatever she wants.

I might be completely unreasonable, but this is my story, and I just feel like she could’ve done better. There’s a reason I am a big sister, even though I don’t have the same experiences as her I offer a different perspective, but she completely disregarded everything and acts like I’m nothing to her.

So if I’m nothing to her then she is nothing to me.

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singull · 2 years

Text

been doing some thinking the last few days comparing how i was doing last year around this time of the year versus how i’m doing now, and thus thinking about she who will continue to not be named (i imagine those of you that have been following me a long time though have probably already guessed who this whole thing is about though).

last winter was…an incredibly rough time of my life. the person i considered my best friend was still completely radio silent and had been since mid-summer. i hadn’t even gotten a simple and basic “hey still not feeling like talking, but hope you have a happy holiday” type of message. i was basically left in friendship limbo where i didn’t know if she even wanted anything to do with me anymore. what made it worse was that i knew for a fact that she was signing into steam on a regular basis, and thus knew she was using a computer regularly still. she just wasn’t thinking of saying anything to me.

and that shit was killing me.

thankfully not literally, but it was definitely the closest i’ve ever come to making an attempt. i scared myself a few times last year, to say the least.

while part of my depressive spiral last year had a lot to do with missing my friend like crazy, most of it had to do with the fact that i didn’t know where i stood with her anymore. i didn’t know if she hated me, if she still thought of me, if she still cared but just wasn’t in the headspace to deal with anyone online, if i was just a blip in her life now, or what. it’s one thing when someone you’ve known a few months or a handful of years puts you in this kind of position, it’s another when it’s someone that was such a regular and integral figure in your life for closer to 20 than 15 years. i can generally brush off the former (with minimal bitching lmao), it’s a little more difficult for me to accept the latter. we used to joke a lot that we were practically married, but i really do think the grief i went through (the continue to deal with) was similar to someone going through a divorce that took them by surprise.

i was completely lost on what to do with myself. i clung desperately onto a handful of things to give me something to look forward to each day. to essentially give myself a reason to keep getting out of bed each morning. this is why i began putting together my medicine seller (from the mononoke series) doll. this is part of why i picked up the first dune book (and why i’ve continued to read this year). why i delved into arcane and the witcher, and returned more of my attention to my doll hobby in general.

and then there came a point where i was scaring myself once more and decided enough was enough. i needed answers. so i reached out to my friend and we got back in contact. and things seemed like they were going to get better, until they didn’t. we didn’t even last a month before she dipped out and stopped talking to me again, only this time around she gave me no warning. she just expected me to understand that she needed space. she bounced the same day my PS5 arrived, so safe to say my mind was preoccupied for a day or two so i didn’t take notice if anything was particularly wrong. i just figured she wasn’t feeling well or something because she had mentioned she was feeling sick…but then she still wasn’t talking to me for several more days and i got worried something happened. then more silence and i started to wonder if i was being ignored on purpose. then i was 99% sure i was.

i messaged her several times over those 2 weeks (even rang her accounts on discord a handful of times) to check in and try to confront her about what the fuck was going on. we didn’t really have any mutuals that i know of (she never spoke about making other friends until shit was going wrong with them and she’d come to me to rant—and even then…never let me know who they actually were; they may as well have been that cool friend that goes to a different school that you never met), and i didn’t want to drag in non-involved parties into things (i still had her old FB account in my friends list so i could have probably messaged her mom or baby-daddy [my ass still doesn’t know if they ever bothered to get remarried]). never got around to asking her for her current phone number either, so all i had was her email, discord, and steam. and she wasn’t saying anything on them. wasn’t even signing on (that i know of).

i was being shoved back into the space i was stuck in for 6 months where i didn’t know where i stood with her and i was desperate not to go back to that because i wasn’t sure if i’d be able to survive it again. so in a last-ditch and incredibly desperate move, i sent her fifty bucks on zelle (had her info still saved from when i sent her money to see end game in theaters back in 2019). hard to ignore cash suddenly showing up in your bank account. took a day or two, but i got a response. finally. got my cash back and a brief and terse email basically amounting to her telling me she was finished with me, ending with a threat if i ever contacted her again.

it hurt. a lot. over the last year and a half i’ve come to more fully realize how much i fear abandonment (particularly from friends), and how much i fear having my depressive thoughts being true (particularly the “everyone would be happier and better off without you”).

that said…it didn’t hurt as much as i thought it would.

i’ve been beating myself up about my last desperate move for contact (the sending cash thing) all year…and about my general pushiness at the time when i was being ignored, but when i look back on how i was last winter and how i feel this winter, i have zero regrets. i’ve been doubting my thoughts and actions all year, even thinking about how i probably deserved to be treated that way, but i’m steadily becoming more certain that i didn’t, especially not by someone that i was so close to for so long.

i’m glad that i pushed and shoved to get some sort of response, even if it didn’t end ideally. i know that i either wouldn’t be here today or would be just as bad off now as i was last year (if not worse) if i hadn’t put my foot down and told myself, “no. this is bullshit and i’m not going to just take it quietly or politely.”

now-a-days, i read because i enjoy it. i’m happy to be invested in my dolls again and rediscover why i like them so much. i’m happy to be reinventing old characters of mine that i had spent years building up with my former best friend, especially now that i don’t have to consider her or anyone else how i build them up. i’ve been reconnecting with my IRL friends that i’ve found have been missing me more than i ever thought they did. while it’s still hard to get out of bed lately, it’s because of sinus issues rather than feeling like there’s no point. i take the odd nap after work because i stayed up too late playing video games or reading a book rather than because i’m too depressed to do anything else. i’m even planning to buy myself an exercise bike to add that to my daily to-dos.

i still cry and grieve about her because she was my best friend and someone i loved and cared about, and that hole in my life isn’t likely going to be filled back up anytime soon, though i am slowly working on it.

and because in the USA it’s that time of year to give thanks, i did want to say that i’m so unbelievably thankful of all the people that have left replies or privately messaged me over the year to let me know that i’m not alone in my feelings and grief. to remind me that there is an end to the tunnel (even if i didn’t always believe it or want to hear it). i don’t wanna be too dramatic or anything, but y’all did have a hand in keeping me afloat.

#personal bloggity #a read more that isn’t that way because of depressing shit but because shit is too long bahaha #ok it might be minorly depressing but it’s past!depression not present!depression

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corrupt-fvcker · 3 years

Text

Sleeping Positions...

Sleeping Positions HCs ( AoT x GN!reader )

Characters: Levi Ackerman, Reiner Braun, Erwin Smith, Zeke Yeager

Warnings: domestic fluff, cuddling, gender neutral reader, sfw, barely there mention of spicy themes

Author’s Note: just some long-ish headcanons about cuddling with my favorite aot boys. request are open but NO S4 SPOILERS PLEASE <3 also feel free to request this HC for a character i didn’t include.

Levi Ackerman:

In the beginning of your relationship, Levi preferred to sleep with some distance between the two of you. He struggled with falling asleep with another lying beside him, waking up at your every slight movement and finding it difficult to let his guard down.

It wasn’t that he didn’t trust you, because if that was the case, you simply wouldn’t even be allowed in his bedroom.

No, it was just because it was a foreign experience to Levi. The thought of sleeping beside you was pleasant, but the reality of it made him quite anxious.

Over time, he grows more comfortable with you. He doesn’t feel the constant need to look his best around you and impress you, meaning you get to see the captain in some more casual clothes and domestic settings.

It starts off with brief naps, whether it be just him sleeping or both of you. He eases into the practice of falling asleep beside you. At first, you’d nap in the same room but in different spaces. Usually with Levi sitting in a plush chair while you sprawled out on the couch.

Then it slowly progressed from there, taking longer and longer naps as your bodies got closer and closer together.

When you finally reach the point in your relationship where both you and Levi are comfortable sleeping beside one another throughout the night, Levi adopts some favorite positions to sleep with you.

Levi loves being the little spoon. He gets cold easily throughout the night, but with you curled around him? He’s able to sleep through the night without having to tug the blankets up once. You feel like a furnace compared to him. But he feels his entire body warm up to a comfortable temperate whenever he feels your stomach and chest pressed against his back.

He consistently wears socks to bed. But don’t you dare tease him about it because he only wears them for you. This man’s feet are freezing. Once he forgot to wear socks to bed and you woke up several times during the night because of his ice-cold feet.

When he’s the only one tired, he likes to nap with his head in your lap. Please, for the love of god, run your fingers through his hair as he drifts off. He will love you forever. He doesn’t mind if you read or, in a modern setting, watch television as he sleeps. As long as he can rest his head in your lap with one of your hands playing with his hair, Levi will be content.

When you’re the one who’s especially tired, Levi doesn’t mind if you use him as a pillow. He struggles with doing nothing for too long, this man likes to be productive. So if he needs to fill out some forms or read over some reports, he’ll happily let you use his body as a pillow as long as he can keep busy. Feel free to rest your head on his lap or shoulder if he needs to fill out some paper work. If all he needs to do is read over some documents, he has no problem lying down with you on his chest as long as he can have his hands free to hold up the book.

Now usually, Levi doesn’t like to feel too crowded. He moves around a little bit in his sleep and he will wake up if he feels trapped or if his movements are restricted. But after some intimate time in the bedroom? Please smother this man while you have the chance. Post-sex Levi is the only version of this man that craves to feel your full body weight on top of him. Yes, lay directly on top of him. He’ll run his hands along your spine and play with your hair, just please don’t leave him alone. He gets a little clingy after sex. He wants to feel taken care of as well as feel that he’s taking care of your needs.

Reiner Braun:

Now this one clings to you when he sleeps.

No matter how much space you want, no matter how far you try to distance yourself, no matter how thick of a pillow barrier you build— Reiner will find you. It doesn’t matter if he’s barely began to drift off or if he’s dead asleep, he’s body will find a way to get to yours.

I strongly stand by the belief that Reiner’s love language is physical affection. This man glows when he’s in your embrace.

If you run your nails along his scalp? He melts. Pepper kisses along his neck and jaw? He turns a dark shade of pink. Wrap your arms around him? He will not let you go for the rest of the evening.

Reiner needs physical touch. He’ll go crazy without it.

Sleeping beside you at night is one of Reiner’s favorite parts of your relationship. Being able to hold you as well as being held has become so special to him.

At night, he will either want you nestled into his side or holding you from behind. He likes to have at least one arm around you, if not both. When you sleep by his side with one of your arms tossed over his torso while your head rests on his chest, he finds it so easy to drift off. Your presence is just so comforting to him. Bonus points if you also have one of your legs thrown over his.

If your not curled up at his side, he likes to fall asleep holding you. He doesn’t mind being the little spoon, he actually loves it, but when he’s able to cradle your entire body with his, he feels all warm and fuzzy inside. He wants to protect you, he needs to protect you. When his body is shielding yours, he can sleep peacefully knowing you’re safely beside him.

Now, if you are particularly exhausted, Reiner has no issue with dropping everything to serve as your personal mattress. He will sprawl out on the couch and heave your body on top of his completely. He’ll either force himself to take a nap with you or find some quite activity to entertain himself while you sleep on top of him. Feel free to nuzzle into his neck or use his limbs as something to hold while you sleep, he wants you to use his body for your needs.

But don’t even think that Reiner is doing this out of the kindness and generosity of his heart. No, he’s just fulfilling his own selfish needs. He’s not sure what it is but there’s just something about having your entire weight on top of him that’s just so comforting. It’s addicting.

Which means that if the tables are turned and it’s Reiner who needs a nap, fully expect him to drag you away from whatever you’re doing to use you as his personal weighted blanket. Like I said, he’s just trying to fulfill his own selfish needs. It has nothing to do with the fact that Reiner’s definitely head over heels in love with you.

Also, regardless of your body type, he will grope and squeeze at any plush area of your body— thighs, ass, tummy, chest — literally any part of your body that Reiner can grab a handful of flesh. He can’t help himself. If you ask him to stop, he’ll try his best to respect your wishes but when he’s drifting off sometimes he forgets and does it anyways. But it doesn’t bother you too much because you know it comes from a place of adoration and love, and you know Reiner would never mock or tease you about your body.

Speaking of which, please retaliate and squeeze his pecs. Refer to them strictly as his “tits”, he doesn’t care what you call them as long as you don’t stop touching him. Reiner is touch starved and will put up with your shit if it means he gains physical affections.

Erwin Smith:

Before you even consider stepping in this man’s bedroom, please take into account that Erwin kicks in his sleep. Hard.

He can’t help himself. He’s not even truly aware that he does it until you let him know about it. And god, does he feel awful.

His long legs become weapons of mass destruction after 9pm. His elbows? Expect to be jabbed with them in the rib cage at least twice.

Again, it’s not intentional... he really can’t help it.

But with that having been said, this man loves to cuddle you. He’ll beg you to fall asleep in his arms if you go on a cuddles strike after getting bruised up the previous night.

It isn’t until Erwin accidentally jabs his elbow into your eye during the night that you tell him that you’re gonna start sleeping on the couch if he doesn’t clean up his act. From then on, all he’s allowed to hold is your hand at night. You enforce two sides of the mattress, your hands meeting at the middle.

And it does kill him a little on the inside.

So his solution? Soak up as much cuddles during the daytime as possible.

He enforces a mandatory cuddle time after work and just before dinner. He prefers holding you but he really doesn’t care what position you lay in as long as you’re close to him.

Erwin can usually sit pretty still during naps, he doesn’t full transform into a professional boxer until he’s at least 2 hours of sleep in.

Which means he pushes bedtime a little later than usual so that you both have time for a thirty minute nap during the day.

Erwin lives for these naps. Those thirty minutes? Yeah, that’s what gets him through the day.

He doesn’t even care if he’s not tired, he’ll force himself to lay down so that he has an excuse to hold you for a little while.

And don’t think he’s above tricking you into giving him more cuddles. In modern times, he’ll turn off your alarm clock on the weekends so that he has more time to give you some lazy morning love. And no, he doesn’t want to watch your cheesy rom-com movie for the millionth time, but he will sit beside you because that means that he has a ninety minute excuse to hold you.

He will also pull you into his lap anytime you two are alone. If you don’t want to give him physical affection at night, he’ll just demand more during the day.

Now, if he’s ever feeling under the weather or emotionally exhausted, Erwin doesn’t give two shits about your pillow barrier or imaginary mattress boundary, he’s falling asleep with you pulled as close as possible. And you’ve got a soft spot of the commander, so you allow it. When he’s not feeling 100 percent, it’s your turn to do all the holding. Rub his back, play with his hair— god, just touch him.

All he wants is for you to spend some time with him. And if you throw in some cuddles, he’ll love you forever.

Zeke Yeager:

Definitely the type pretend that he’s above all the gushy, tooth-rotting sweetness of nighttime cuddles. But he’s also the type to send a death glare in your direction when you pull away from him at night.

“Uh... do you want me to stop?”

“Did I say I wanted you to stop??”

He’s stubborn to admit that his favorite part of his day is when you get all clingy at nighttime.

Please, please, please scratch along his jaw and rake your fingers through his beard. This motherfucker will have to bite his tongue from stopping the whimper from escaping his throat.

At nighttime, if you remove his glasses for him so that you can pepper kisses along his face? He’ll melt on the inside.

When the two of you sleep beside each other, Zeke likes to either spoon or have an arm wrapped around you.

Zeke runs a little hotter than most, so if he’s feeling a little too hot at night, he’ll settle with wrapping an arm around your shoulders. Not super close, but close enough to know that you’re there.

Otherwise, Zeke enjoys being the big spoon. He loves to curl his body around yours, his arms wrapped securely around your waist as he nuzzles his nose to the nape of your neck. And yes, he will sleep with his nose buried in your hair for the rest of the night if it means he gets to smell your shampoo.

If he’s particularly stressed, sometimes he awakes during the night to smoke a cigarette. And while he does a pretty good job at crawling out of bed without waking you, you always seem to notice his absence and find him.

If he’s not ready to come back to bed yet, feel free to curl up in his lap and fall asleep with him as your pillow. He’ll finish off his cigarette and hold you for awhile before hauling you both back to bed.

If he’s ready to go back to sleep by the time you find him, he’ll wordlessly stomp out his cigarette and guide you back to bed with his hand resting on the small of your back.

Now regardless of the time of day or night, be careful when cuddling Zeke... he will definitely try to turn it into something more if he’s feeling frisky. He’s always feeling frisky.

Now if you’re tired during the day and in need of a nap, have fun trying to wrangle him onto a couch or bed. This man does not like wasting time, no matter how much he enjoys holding you. But if you’re lucky — and I mean really lucky — Zeke may have the afternoon off and will let you use him as your pillow.

He’ll turn on a nice and mellow record, maybe even smoke a cigarette as you sleep on his chest. Though don’t expect him to stay in one spot for too long, he gets antsy. Like Levi, he likes to feel productive even if the occasional relaxed evening is something he enjoys.

Now, on the rare occasion that Zeke needs a nap, fully expect him to be grumpy. Almost like a child who has gone too long without a nap. Actually, exactly like that.

He will try to steal you away from your activities to help lure him to sleep. Yes, that means petting his hair and scratching his beard until he falls asleep.

But if you decide to give him a taste of his own medicine and tell him that you’re too busy to act as his own personal pillow, expect him to pout for the rest of the day and then get ten times clingier at bedtime. Like I said, Zeke’s stubborn. He will take a nap on the couch in living room instead of your bedroom just to prove to you that he doesn’t need your cuddles in order to fall asleep. But as soon as you both climb into bed for the night, Zeke will be on your like a parasite. Don’t expect to have any say in the cuddling position if you refused him cuddles earlier that day, this is Zeke’s time to get his fill and he gets to choose the sleeping position.

Oh, and just a heads up: Zeke tends to snore in his sleep.

Luckily, it’s not too loud. Just a slightly audible rumble that comes from the back of his throat when he’s totally exhausted. But on occasions, it has woken you up.

But don’t worry, if you use this as leverage it’s more likely that Zeke will cuddle you during your daytime nap... or he’ll just tease you. Maybe both.

And don’t think I won’t go without mentioning that your desire for Zeke’s physical affection doesn’t boost his ego to the max. Oh, he lives for the days that you beg for him to hold you or play with your hair. It awakens something primal and possessive within him, knowing that you need his touch in order to fall asleep soundly. And before you ask, yes, he does tease you and mock you about it at every given chance. My best advice? Give him a taste of his own medicine.

thank you for reading!! if you enjoyed please reblog, it means the world to me and also helps support my blog <33

masterlist | tag list | about | requests: open!!

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mylittlemystery · 2 years

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Am I allowed to ask for A-Y with Shadow from Sonic👁👄👁

You sure can, buckaroo! I'd be more than happy to share my thoughts on this little emo boy. uwu

A: Aftercare | What is their aftercare like after a heavy round of tickling?:)

Hm...depends on who he happened to tickle. If it's somebody that he was just annoyed with, then there won't be any. If it's one of the very few people that he actually enjoys tickling, he will rub their back for a very short amount of time once he's done.

B: Bondage | How do they react to bondage, do they enjoy it and if yes, what is their favorite pose?

No. Absolutely not. He will not be tied up ever again. He won't tie anybody else up either because he doesn't hate any of 'em that much.

C: Chase | What are their chances in a chase, both as a lee and ler?

There's no chance of escaping him when he's the 'ler. We all know how fast he is with those damn shoes of his, so you might as well not even try. He will be making you laugh today, thank you very much.

He won't run from you if he's the 'lee (he's far too prideful for any of that shit), but you just might catch a little flicker of fear behind his eyes before he's able to stifle it out. Pretty interesting, if I do say so myself. :3c

D: Death Spot | What is their most ticklish spot?

His feet are where you ought to focus if you really wanna see this stoic figure be reduced to nothing more than a pile of hysterically laughing mush.

E: Expression | How do they express their wish to tickle/be tickled?

The 'lee doesn't get much of a warning whenever he wants to tickle somebody; he tends to just walk up behind them, lift them up by the waist, and get at it. It's kind of cute to watch him try to come up with an excuse for why he did it afterwards. <3

If you think this man is going to express his desire to be tickled the one time in a blue moon it happens, you are sorely mistaken. He will stifle such a soft and humiliating desire far below the surface until it is damn near undetectable - the only thing that gives him away is his willingness to give up his personal space.

F: Fight | What is their behavior in a tickle fight like?

He doesn't participate in them. He insists it's because he's far above participating in such childish frivolities, but it's actually because he doesn't want anybody to discover just how ticklish he really is. XD

G: Gentle | How do they react to gentle tickles?

Okay, I literally just mentioned this, but this brooding boy is insanely ticklish. Even the gentlest of tickles are enough to send him into a fit of chortles that he desperately tries to hide behind his gloved hands, blushing a painfully vibrant hue beyond that dark colored fur. I love him so fucking much.

H: Habits | As a lee/ler or both, do they have specific habits when it comes to tickling?

As a 'ler, he tends to purse his lips from time to time whenever he's searching for a sweet spot. It's something he does when he's concentrating, and it's honestly kind of cute to watch him do.

As a 'lee, he tries to hold in his laughter for as long as he physically can. He will literally turn blue in the face before he lets the 'ler hear his unabashed giggling.

I: Interrogation | How well would they handle a tickle interrogation?

You call this an interrogation? You don't even wanna know the type of shit he's had to go through in his life, so this would be quite the cakewalk for him.

J: Joy | Their absolute favorite thing about tickling?

The power it gives him, but the fact that he's able to achieve it in such a light hearted way. He isn't used to shit like that, so he's got a bit of a soft spot for it.

K: Killer Move | As a ler, do they have special skills to use against their lees and drive them crazy with?

He has sharp claws that you can just barely feel through his gloves, so that makes him the prime candidate for torturous scribbles. It's the type of stuff that gives you goosebumps and makes your skin twitch.

L: Laughter | What does their laughter sound like when they are tickled?

Deep and sort of gaspy, with a rumbling quality to it that kind of reminds me of an engine idling. It tends to jump in volume when a soft spot is hit. ^^

M: Mornings | Their tickle behavior during mornings?

Don't try to tickle this dude in the morning because he likes to sleep late, and he will push you off of him if you try that shit. XD

N: Nights | Their tickle behavior during nights?

If nobody else is around to see him do it, he just might squeeze the side of one of his more favorite members of the group if he thinks they're staying up too late.

O: Online | Text messaging and social media, do they have some kind of online tickly behavior to tease their lee or ler with?

Nah, I don't see him as being that kind of guy.

P: Partner In Crime | If they were to go after a lee and accept the aid of a tickle partner, who do they prefer to join hands with and why?

He absolutely prefers to go solo, but if he's forced to pick a partner then it would probably end up being Cream. She listens to directions very well, so he knows she would just follow his lead in terms of wrecking somebody.

Q: Question | Their response to the question ‘are you ticklish’?

To be honest, you probably wouldn't even get a response at all. XD He would just shoot you a glare that could melt through steel and walk off, almost daring you to fuck around and find out. You've gotta have some nerve if you wanna tickle him...

R: Role | Lee or ler, what is generally their main role?

He's definitely more of a 'ler, but he does enjoy being tickled on extremely rare occasions. This may be self-indulgent, but it's my blog.

S: Safeword | If they were to suggest the safeword for a tickle session, which word will it be?

If you've pissed him off enough, he's not stopping until you're on the verge of passing out. However, if he just finds your reactions amusing, he'll most likely stop the second or third time you tell him to.

T: Teasing | Their most favorite methods of teasing their lee/ler?

He's usually rather quiet when he tickles someone, but he does enjoy implementing physical taunts every now and again (such as false starts, slowly walking his fingers up to a death spot, and other things along those lines). He will also mock the 'lee for how they're reacting if he's feeling particularly mean.

You'd think this man would be able to tease as a 'lee, but nope. His brain fucking falls off whenever he's in that position. XD

U: Unusual | Do they have some unusual tickle spots? Where?

His collarbone is rather sensitive, and it's a good place to mess with if you really wanna get him flustered extra fuckin' quick.

V: Victim | As a ler, who is their favorite lee and what makes this person their ultimate victim?

Again, this would have to go to Cream. Her reactions are just so sweet and endearing that even he can't help but adore them. She also reminds him of Maria, so he can't help the softer demeanor he takes on around her.

W: Word | What is their reaction to the T-word? Can they say it out loud or do they get embarrassed?

He doesn't struggle with saying it - it's just another ordinary word to him. He does, however, struggle with using the term "ticklish" when referring to himself.

X: X-Over | In a crossover AU, which other fandom character would be a fitting tickle fight opponent for them and why?

I don't know why this is the answer that I'm giving, but Sunny is the first person that popped into my head. They are both two serious figures who have been through way too much shit, so I think that they should laugh together. <3

Y: YOU | Any personal self- or reader-insert tickle fantasy / headcanon to share with this character?

God, I have wanted to wreck this man senseless since the first moment I saw him. I have a habit of making edgy bastards devastatingly ticklish because of course they would be. XD

#asks #text posts #writing #fanfiction #headcanons #cussing #violence #tickling #tickle #tickles #tickled #ticklish #sonic the hedgehog #omori #shadow the hedgehog #cream the rabbit #maria robotnik #omori sunny #my stuff

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