#bro was the original womanizer

[mammonsrockstargf]

"Is it true that you had 700 wives?"

Solomon looks up from his book, to where you're laying on his bed, homework in hand. He'd convinced you to take the class "Rhetoric 101: How to win any argument with an angel using biblical quotes" because he'd figured it'd be fun to watch you try to spark up an argument with Simeon. It was a nice perk that you could study together. It hadn't even occurred to him that he might get mentioned in the coursework.

You read over the pages, eyes brimming with amusement. "What could you possibly need 700 wives for?" you ask and he shrugs. "Mostly politics and gaining land," he says but you don't seem entirely convinced. "Might I remind you that this was happening during a period of 80 years?" he says but you just raise your brows at him. "That's still like 9 wives per year, though. How on earth did you have time for that?" you're laughing now, really laughing and Solomon has to fight a smile.

"What, they'd get like a month and a half each before you were on to the next one," you say, wiping the tears on your cheek. "Actually, I never even met most of them," he says, hoping to help his cause, but it only causes you to laugh even harder. Solomon huffs and pretends to read his book again, letting your laughter subside, but once you read the next line of your homework you're laughing again.

"You had 300 concubines? How is that even possible?" you cackle and Solomon rolls his eyes. "That was a rumour. I did not have that many," he says but you're far gone, clutching your belly as you gasp for air. "I'll have you know that having a pact with the Avatar of Lust gives you a very high libido-" he begins.

"Oh, trust me, I know," you wheeze.

He's on you in a second, pushing you down on the bed, a hand on each side of your head. You giggle, when he presses kisses to your face, any surface he can reach, your cheeks, your forehead, your nose.

"Stop" kiss "teasing" kiss "me!" kiss, he whines, but you've only just begun. "Oh, I'm sorry, my lord, it's just I haven't seen you in three years, you've been so busy with all your wives-" Solomon shuts you up with a kiss on the lips and you bury your hands in his hair, leaning into it. He lays down on top of you, using your chest as a pillow, refusing to move an inch. "Sol, you're crushing me," you complain and he grumbles. He presses a kiss to your collarbone and grabs your homework, throwing it into a corner of his room, before getting comfortable again, this time crushing you a little less. You run your fingers through his hair, humming softly.

You both know that it doesn't actually matter how many wives or concubines or past lovers he's had. Sometimes Solomon thinks that it's all just been a build-up, that none of it actually mattered. His real life didn't begin until he met you and he's completely fine with that.

"Sooo, did you have a favourite? Or perhaps 30 favourites?"

"Oh, shut up."

a/n: thanks for reading! find my other stuff here <3

#bro was the original womanizer #solomon #obey me #obey me solomon #obey me solomon x mc #obey me solomon x reader #om! solomon #perse fics #obey me fluff #obey me solomon fluff #obey me fic #obey me headcanon #obey me drabble #obey me shall we date #om! shall we date #perse fluff

[pcstan]

The entire faculty is FUCKING!!!!!!!!!!!!

#my art #fan art #I don't even wanna tag it that bro 💀 #Greatest piece of art I've ever made actually #Masterpiece #south park #principal victoria #veronica crabtree #pc principal #sp strong woman #mr mackey #mr garrison #herbert garrison #sp chef #jerome mcelroy #I had to lower the quality for this so much to make it look authentic #FUNFACT the colors for this were colorpicked from the original meme

[aletterinthenameofsanity]

Doctor Who is a story where humans make themselves gods, become myths staining the tapestries of the universe, and the last member of a race of gods is made human, cowardly and vulnerable and kind in a way no other god would dare make themselves and this is the very thing that allows the god-made-human to survive and even win at the end of the day (and the very thing that often dooms the humans-made-gods)

#listen this is a line that came to me on the airplane #and I'm gonna try to find a way to incorporate it into one of the fics in this series #the original version starts with “This is a story” instead of “Doctor who is a story” but it honestly fits the show as a whole #like bad wolf #the woman who walked the earth #the most important woman in all of creation #amy bringing back the doctor in the pandorica #even the impossible girl (though I'm still not a fan of how the show executed it) #the one thing I have to give the moffat era is how it leaned into one of my favorite vibes in that it felt like sci-fi told as fairytale #(that does come with its sexist drawbacks but when it hits it HITS) #rose tyler #martha jones #donna noble #amy pond #clara oswald #ninth doctor #tenth doctor #eleventh doctor #twelfth doctor #bro when the Doctor was bridal carried by Bill #or had his memories erased by clara #whenever you can overlay sisyphus or orpheus or prometheus over both companions and doctor...good shit #bill potts #thirteenth doctor #we get less of this with thirteen #tho in late flux/2022 specials yaz does get to come closer and closer to godly/Time Lord like when she learns how to pilot TARDIS/lead #i just wish the show DID SOMETHING with it #gave her an epic finale moment like other companions got #yazmin khan #like even some of the other companions

[nebzox]

Thought I would do a quick 30 min edit on movie Peach to make her look more like game Peach :)

#princess peach #super mario movie #mario movie #mario bros #i think she looks less like White Woman at Whole Foods now... lol #personal preference but i found the nostrils and the philtrum to be a little uncanny #but also this is just for fun i dont hate the original im just more used to my fav Peach

[harp-bo-barp]

i will forever be truly angry that they did not have lucas reading the wonder woman comic to max when she was in the hospital bed at the end of season 4 :( LIKE THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN SO PERFECT. SO WONDERFUL. I WOULD HAVE STARTED BAWLING EVEN MORE!!!! but no. they had him read the talisman. maybe that's some sort of foreshadowing to season 5 because we know the duffers love to do that, but even so... it would have been so much more emotional and meaningful imo :((

cause not only would it have been special because max loves wonder woman and the wonder woman comics and lucas is reading them to her while she's in a coma, but i feel like when El would have walked into the hospital room and saw him reading the comic to her, it would have reminded her of when max read them to her in season 3 at their sleepover :( like it would've been so perfect. so much more meaning and emotion ughugufugh

#THEY HAD IT IN THE ORIGINAL SCRIPT THAT LUCAS WAS GONNA BE READING THE WONDER WOMAN COMIC BRO #but they switched it out in the show :(( #crying sobbing and punching a wall!!!! #lumax #lucas sinclair #max mayfield #stranger things #stranger things 4 #elmax

[sqlmn]

OC RNG stuff.

-Lucinda is engaged to the oldest prince in a family of nine where there are 8 brothers and then the youngest is the only girl. She adores her future husband. -Ink Blot is a really dumb mage who acts as a street performer using fake magic despite being an actual mage. He just wants to be the center of attention. -Ruby and Luce are from the same plot (thank you RNG I love the dream wardens). They're part of different pairs and basically just patrol to keep dreams in check. Ruby and Luce also don't really meet each other in canon. Their routes don't overlap but they both interact with the main duo which is Colette and Marcus. (Ruby wants to beat Marcus up while Luce wants to kiss Marcus for what it matters.)

#i really love luce hes just so calm and collected in front of marcus and colette to try and look reliable #but hes actually one of the younger wardens who is made to replace his partner's old partner #so hes with sil and sil is just watching him for the first decade like why is he so awkward #when will he warm up to me or the other wardens he meets why is he always so tense #and then something happens and luce is sent into a panic because he learns that marcus used to laugh with sil and the retired warden #hes like ???? WHY DOES HE HATE ME ? WHAT DID I DO? and sil is like the guy is older than me and doesnt do change well #thats all there is to it he got used to my old partner and youre a wrench in the comfort zone hell get over it tho #and when marcus laughs for the first time in front of luce it is SO over for luce he would do anything for marcus #but then you get marcus who is telling colette i have to say things took an unexpected turn with sils partner #i went from fine with robert to being abandoned by robert to do you think luce is cute cause i think hes cute #and marcus is very much IM SO GAY which is fair cause colette is like MM YEAH SAME #and then you guys gotta realize i love my silly lil prince group where the oldest bro has a really cool future wife #and then the second oldest is like hey bro im stealing your wife for the afternoon and lucinda is like i see i see #and then the second oldest and lucinda just spend the entire afternoon dancing and shes happy to indulge him #then the third oldest is the original main one where he and the castle witch are on a mission to help another kingdom #but like the fact the oldest has an arranged marriage with a woman he loves #and the second youngest is in love with the son of two castle aids #who happens to be 40 and very worn out with stress from having to turn the second oldest down all the time #then the third oldest has a crush on a prince from the kingdom hes trying to help but the crush is on like an 18 year old #so the 2nd and 3rd oldest are constantly bickering over what the other sees in their crushes #anyway hi i love my ocs (gestures to them) #and ink was a really minor character in the plot bc it was mostly me paying attention to a dumbass vampire #and this thief who had to help the dumb vampire get home bc he has no sense of direction and had been abducted

[dazzelmethat]

I kinda like but dislike that Rumiko and Sunrise (and fans) have never even mentioned that miko (priestesses) are virgins. And that their shinto ability to tend holy places comes from being unmarried virgins. In modern day I guess it is not really required but I kind of wish more people analyzed Kikyo, the dark priestess, Kaede and Kagome in that light.

Personally I think that due to the era Kagome would not be allowed to remain a miko after getting married and having a child. She would still be one of course due to her spiritual ability, but I think she would no longer be allowed to remain in that societal role.

Kagome is so spunky though that I see her rebelling against it. I think Kagome's strength in being outspoken is another great contrast between her and Kikyo. While Kikyo was confined by society and was only freed from expectation when she became an impure monster. Kagome was outspoken and loud to where she didn't have much of a societal role and yet remained 'spiritually pure.'

There is a huge theme of 'societal expectation' in Kagome, Inuyasha, and Kikyo that I think being a miko is a part of.

Personally I'm torn on Kagome loudly choosing to get married and have a child VS remaining a Miko and Kagome choosing to attempt to do both.

More thematic headcannons in the tag below..

#i think due to translation issues miroku is a monk but not a priest #inuyasha #kagome #kikyo #Here I am analyzing way too much into a series that probably didn't think that much about this all #And yet.. I feel like there is meaning between Sota saying Kagome got married and Rumiko never drawing them kissing #i think cannonly kikyo and kagome are not the same person.. but i think kikyo would view that they are.. maybe #the strides against misogyny in shinto japan is very interesting to look at because it is so different from western misogyny #i saw that post going around talking about periods in the feudal era and im like.. bro women were ostracized in a hut outside the village #i didn't comment on the post but i did think about and analyze it #on how the dirtyness of being a woman is the same as the dirty blood of a hanyo or the dirty blood of the burakumin class #personally i think inu's class is similar to half japanese (the original hanyo written in gegege kitaro was confirmed to be based off of it #and rumiko could not have taken the coined term 'hanyo' without being aware of the influence #but i also don't think rumiko was thinking that much about the relation between the two #personally if it were me though i'd theme inu on the spiritual dirtiness of his blood rather than him being a half race #((((((related but i also headcannoned inuyasha as a bastard . a literal one #((and i also headcannon that hte name 'inuyasha' was not his birth name. it was a name given to him by the villiagers he stole from-- #-- as a child/teen and he decided to reclaim the insult because he was what means 'dog monster' much more than the name his mom gave him)) #i think it's strongly implied even that Inuyasha is a bastard.. i never see anyone analyze that. #to analyze that even if inuyasha was born a human he would still be hated for existing :''''DDD #my posts that i made

[insomniacirl]

Me when I want to write a story with my own characters and plotline but I know for a fact it's like a patchwork of eight different series' put together to make a homosexual mess

#It's got a priest #With a shotgun #And a demon in his basement #His name is John Stagson #And a woman studying demonology #She's a philosophy major #She's got a witch in her apartment #Her name is Jane Dearton #And they meet up for coffee because their house pets know each other #And then there's this other guy #He's a detective #His mother had connections to 'the other side' #And he's just tryna help them out man #And the demon's jealous #And the witch is suspicious #And there's a door that needs to be locked before it's opened #Like damn bro #Where your shoes at #What #OC #OC art #OCs #My OCs #My OC art #Original character

[ronanlynchbf]

hell day today and i'm only two hours into my EIGHT HOUR SHIFT

#9 to 5 by dolly parton starts playing in the background.. #literally had to open up shop alone 2day and also was entirely alone for the first 45 min. of my shift so that was already a negative start #to the day + i heard that i can't have my break later than two thirty which is very bad for me bc 1) there'll be a lot of ppl all around me #when i'm eating which i already dislike and 2) like 85% of ppl taking their break around that time are VERY noisy eaters so even worse and #then 3) it'll be really loud in the room as well bc everyone's talking loudly and eating and the cutlery's clanging against plates and such #and also some ppl have actual full-blown arguments with each other in the break room bc half the ppl here hate each other's guts so more #negatives to the day and then on top of that we've had sooooo many annoying customers already today who r just. intent on making u stressed #out and upset and literally will tell u to your face to 'do your job better' like bro...i can easily tell you haven't worked in retail.... #also someone hung their clothes on the rack outside the fitting rooms which is where u hang ur clothes when you're DONE fitting them & don' #want them bc they don't fit or don't sit right or u just don't rlly like them after all so if clothes are hanging there we the ppl working #there WILL take them and hang them back in their original places what did u expect to happen?? anyway someone hung the clothes they had #tried on already and did want there and i reached out to take them bc like. that's what we do here..we hang the clothes on the 'discard #rack' back in the store bc else the rack gets stuffed and the woman literally grabbed my arm and said 'those are mine what do u think you'r #doing' LIKE?????? GIRL THE RACK'S THERE FOR A REASONNNN ofc i'm going to assume u don't want them anymore if they're hanging there that's #why it's called the DISCARD rack....also how am i to know those specific clothes are yours HONESTLYYYYYY STFU AND GET OFF ME #ALSO some dude was like (to his child but like. looking at me while he said it.) 'this guy needs a haircut doesn't he' bc my hair is kinda #long and apparently i passed today. LIKE 1st of all kind of a rude thing to say to a stranger innit 2nd of all setting a great example to #your child there just casually commenting on other ppl's looks like that👍 3rd of all jokes on you you wouldn't consider me a guy if #you Knew most likely. thanks for that little zing of glee much obliged <3 but also man just piss off will you. 4th of all my hair isn't eve #that long....like the ends of it are just shy of my shoulders wdym LONG if u knew the long-haired guys i know you'd faint. #anyway. great start of the day. i still have six more hours to go 🥴 #ALSO no surprise this always happens but my legs already hurt SOOOOOOOO BADDDDDD :((((((((((( #r.txt

[deetherusalka]

12 death, 37 fataly injured, 104 humiliated from besties telling each other everything and saving screenshots

#život #one guy so dedicated to lying he deleted half of conversation with my bestie and sent me the new screens #trying to make me believe his side of story #and like bro I was there live when that conversation happened debating with her what should she do #i saw the original text you're just digging yourself deep hole #and three other guys from your friend group are in my dms telling on you #(which honestly you should get better friend group with someone who won't speak behind your back to random woman) #(like I'm kinda feeling sorry for him cuz of that but like you're still lying and I have whole fucking case of evidence bro)

[prosebushpatch]

Was trying to figure out why Hansel and Gretel randomly appeared in a book I was reading, with candy house backstory and everything, in a story that otherwise was not directly informed by a specific fairy tale. At least to my knowledge, it all felt pretty original, until the villainous antagonist started spinning straw into gold and mentioned being betrayed by a miller's daughter and I cupped my head in my hands like, ah, th-the way to defeat him... they gotta figure out his true name... this whole time... he's been rumpelstiltskin.

#rose and rambles #okay but actually im going to agonize over this choice a bit #like i feel like the hansel and gretel was specifically to prepare us for rumpel but if you took out all three of their names #i wonder #i wonder if that could have been better #because the world building and everything felt *really* spectacularly original and obviously more fae inclined than either #of those fairy tales and the main narrative was not rumpelstiltskin the rumpelstiltskin fairy tale was just backstory #and it was kind of jarring when Hansel and gretel appeared midway for a chapter or two but i guess it contextualized the world for me #Because I *hadn't* been thinking of it as having *direct* fairy tales in it #i think having two characters be like 'ya a woman tricked us with a house made of candy' is obviously a reference to hansel and gretel but #i think it could have felt more natural if it wasn't *directly* hansel and gretel #but a bro and sis with different names that fit the main characters better? #BUT THEN rumpelstiltskin's name does come into play and how else are you going to lead up to the fact that a character has been using a fak #name? you can't have a villain just randomly being like CURSES YOU GUESSED MY TRUE NAME #WHICH IS JOHN #like there's no way. you have to build up to it but once the audience is like oh ya we know hansel and gretel were here and the straw into #gold? got it. know the villain has a different name before the protagonists and also *know* the name to boot. Great #but then the name didn't seem............. necessary in the end anyway because they had him with a contract and they used that to get #the name out him?????????? #So maybe it could have been a different name???????? #idk #i will say i did love the main characters #They were pretty incredible actually

[zoupkat]

women have no more rights in the USA yall :/

this time whenever someone tells me to go back to my county I actually will

adios amigos

it was nice knowin ya

I also feel like kms rn so uh that’s not good

UPDATE: I’m okay now guys I’m srry I just have random breakdowns I’m so sorry abt yall worrying abt me :(

#i should kms #sorry for this #sorry about the unexpected vent bro #raise awareness #woman rights #USA #govenment #bro guns have more rights than us now #kms😘 #bye lmao #ninjago #oc #original art #original character #ninjago oc #doodles

[mctreeleth]

The meme with the strong dog and the weak dog but it’s my scissors cutting effortlessly through like 6 layers of cotton sheeting and then crying in the corner when I use them to cut a single layer of wide-wale corduroy.

#while I was actually cutting the fabric the mental image that accompanied the experience #was from the absolutely ancient zero dark thirty bros sketch by college humor #where they are talking about how they could totally withstand being zero dark thirty-ed and it ends with them being huge wimps #because something in my brain has broken #anyway I spent like 3 hours cutting out a new coat pattern that I am like 95% sure will be too small #and I am just sitting in the rare afternoon sunshine for a bit before a go and sew it #the corduroy is a dark green and I paid $3 for it at an op shop #the lining is one of the bulk thrifted sheets I got for like 25c each that were originally used by a motel that I use for everything #the pattern is butterick 5997 that I got yesterday afternoon as part of a huge haul from the remakery #and yes I KNOW I already have two coat samples cut out and ready to sew but the illustrated woman on this pattern envelope is VERY pretty

[mx-paint]

Hilarious that in both queer media and straight* media, people will still argue about the characters sexualities being either canon or not

#'this character married a woman so obviously hes straight' brother have i got news for you! #'this character married a man (forget the fact they also like women)' sister have i got news for you! #'hilarious' is sarcastic so dont be a clown #this is about two instances and idk if i want to tag them #i knew it was going to be a bit funny but mostly angering to look up #but i couldnt help myself and still looked it up #and whats even funnier they were just like 'i would be burned at the stake for saying [canonical bi character] likes men!' #no you wouldnt beloved <3 keep trying you may yet get there #like. the trick is you need to not assume every character is one sexuality unless explicitly stated #and even then that could change either in its original run or a rerun #also the fact another said 'and make [character that has canonical different forms] black' #bro theyve Been black. they were based off a black person to begin with like What?

[no-one-hears-me]

taylor swift changed better than revenge boooooo I hate her now

#I listened to this song specifically to see if the lyrics changed and they did #idc if it's problematic or whatever bc it's really not that bad #for those of you that don't know. the original lyric is 'she's better known for the things that she does on the mattress' #which yeah okay I get it but it's really not that offensive AND it's an old song. it's not like she wrote that line today #the new line is like 'he was a moth to the flame she was holding the matches' or something like that #the entire song is about hating a woman bc of a man so having one questionable line isn't that bad I swear #yeah the line is repeated but like. who cares #she probably has worse lyrics idk I'm not a swiftie especially not now #just own the bad lyrics bro don't change them #this is a joke post btw I don't actually care #except I do #Sera

[ichabodcranemills]

my cousin is a nerd but he’s a different species of nerd and we were talking TROP today and it’s fascinating. He loved TROP but disliked Adar because he didn’t want gray characters in his black and white Tolkienverse (he doesn’t consider Boromir or Isildur gray characters). He doesn’t ship Haladriel, which, totally okay, but the reason why he doesn’t is because he doesn’t think romance needs to be brought where originally there is none. He doesn’t read fanfic, it’s fascinating

#basically he enjoys trop because of the tolkien vibes but he doesn't believe in the need of transformative working #unlike the bros who think Guyladriel is a valid offense he likes trop galadriel bc he read that one of her names was man maiden but like #'well she's married! why would she have chemistry with other dudes?' #meanwhile his sister next to me was 'hang on but I thought she had a thing with Gandalf?' #(she's a woman of vision) #(I tell her: Galadriel did have a thing with Gandalf. her brother is fuming next to me) #this isn't just shipping btw it's mainly that he thinks that there's no need to expand Tolkien's original vision but as the show *feels* #like Tolkien then it is good #but shipping doesn't *feel* Tolkien so he doesn't ship anything other than Arwen Aragorn