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merlinssaggyyfronts · 3 years

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its canon gwen and leon went looking for frogs at night as children right?? which means elyan obviously went with them too mhm? SO

gwen was a master at frog hunting. she got so many that the bucket she was carrying them in overflowed and the trio had to hunt them all down cuz the frogs got loose in leons house (this happened on more than one occassion, they never got caught once,,, if you forget the True Loves Kiss incident)

you must be wondering, op, whats the true loves kiss incident? well my dear child, the true loves kiss incident was when leons mother caught leon with two frogs, and no gwen and elyan with him.

leons mom: son, why do you have two frogs in your hands?

leon, age twelve: uh- mother! this is, uh... gwen and elyan! yes, theyve been turned into frogs by an evil sorcerer and i must turn them back!

leon’s mom who knows full well those are random ordinary frogs: ...and how do you plan on doing that?

leon: ,,true loves kiss?

leons mom: what.

leon proceeded to explain the lore behind the curse of the lady and the frog (or in this case, the servants and the squire) and true loves kiss and the (and more importantly how it was a planotic kiss, cuz romantic kisses are gross and cooties)

gwen and elyan were sitting in an alcove right next to them and heard the whole thing (and still tease him relentlessly about it)

gaius: it seems sir gwaine has been turned into a frog

elyan: heh hey leon why dont you give him the true loves kiss hmm

leon: i-

gwen: oh stop bullying the poor guy, elyan

leon: thank you guinevere-

gwen: it would have to be a platonic true loves kiss remember? sir leon wouldnt want to get cooties after all

leon: i hate you

leon is also pretty good at frog hunting (though not as good as gwen). he often times teamed up with elyan to get half as many frogs as gwen did. hes fallen off cliffs and basicaly died on numerous occassions while on the frog adventures, and gwen swears his heart stopped one too many times during those occassions (they eventually grew desensitised when leon would momentarily die then come back to life, often times playing a game of ‘who can find the coolest looking leaf’ while they wait for leon to rise from the dead once again)

leon is somewhat sad his friends dont seem to be concerned when he dies and comes back (ofc they are, its just that ignoring it out instead of thinking of you actually dying hurts bro), but atleast sometimes he gets to keep the coolest leaf they find as a “thanks for not dying“ gift, so hes content

elyan eats the frogs.

just fucking swallows those little slimy things whole. almost dies every time, but his 10 year old self swears it was worth it (and so does his older, knightly self, thank you very much). hes learned from leon to spit at god in the face and cheat death! (leon: elyan no- // gwen: ELYAN YES)

sometime after gwen became morganas maid, morgana started joining them to skip out on dinners with uther. elyan is quick to object since 1. shes a noble (“leon doesnt count cuz, yknow; hes leon” “hey!”) and 2. shes a girl (“gwen also doesnt count cuz shes *gags* gwen” “i will stab you, lil man”)

his objections are very quickly pushed aside when he sees morgana almost eat a bright red (and incredibly poisonous) frog like it was an apple to prove her superiority to him. (it worked, and he is forever in awe, and wants to actually see morgana eat said frog but gwen and leon were so terrified of accidentally killing the kings ward and getting beheaded that maybe, just maybe, he’d keep it to himself)

morganas a PRO at frog hunting. maybe it comes from her training with arthur and the knights (“but im literally a knight” “shut up leon let me have my moment”), or maybe its cuz shes just good at everything she does, but shes GOOD good.

when they get into pairs to play games (yes they do other things too, sometimes the frogs are just too boring) morgana and gwen would pair up and basically always win so they made a rule to not let those two pair up.

it was a tie at first cuz obviously they only have four people so itd be 2 against 2. the dealbreaker was arthur who chose leon and elyans side purely to dwindle morganas chances to spend time with her crush (“you spend time with her every day! whats some game pairing gonna do?” “im in love with her arthur! we need chemistry! bonding! teaming up and beating up whiny little idiots like you!” “whaT DID YOU JUST CALL ME-“)

arthur joined in once.... emphasis is once. elyan kept giving him dirty looks cuz hes the bloody prince and thus a major arse and at one point convinced him to eat a poisonous worm to prove his manliness (“elyan why would you attempt to assassinate the prince?!” “it was FUNNY OKAY-“), and wouldve died if it werent for the fact they were close enough to gaius’ chambers to be able to revive him.

he was basically banned from going with them ever again (“see this is why we dont go to gaius when leon dies!” “shut up and help me find a cool leaf, elyan”)

random detail: the buckets they’d use are faded green (morgana supplied with the dye- they used to be buckets with metal frog eyes and legs molded onto them (curtesy of our favourite blacksmith children of course).

they stopped going frog hunting as they got older and thus gained more responsibilities, but there were occassions where they’d go.

one of which being elyan running away. on that same night, leon downright ran to gwens house as soon as he heard (and was finished with his duties), frog buckets in his hands. on the outside it did look pretty weird cuz why is a knight of camelot carrying some tiny frog buckets, but leon doesnt care. gwen needed cheering up cuz his brother was a lil shit and hes supplying it. (“dont you have patrol today?” “its in the knights code to be loyal, gwen. im showing my loyalty to you by dragging you froghunting to cheer you up!” “...isnt it also in the knights code to be honest? how did you get out of patrol?” “....um.”)

another occassion was when arthur became crown prince (more specifically after the whole tristan du bois incident) and was basically dragged a crossbow-point to go frog hunting with them (‘them’ being leon and morgana, cuz apparently gwen and merlin had some business to attend to (much to both morgana and arthurs dismay).

sometimes, when the world feels like its caving in on them, leon and gwen like to go frog hunting together. they’d reminisce about the time morgana beat up a badger to defend gwens honor, or the time arthur (who sneaked out with them that one other time) accidentally kebab’d three different toads, or that time elyan wore gwens dress to prove it wasnt that hard to run in dresses (it was. he failed miserably and sprained his ankle)

or they’d just sit by a stream where leon died once, and mourn the members of their little group and what fate brought them.

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dumbest-creature-on-earth · 4 years

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The Big Bang-Bakugo Katsuki

2.1k

*for the full experience, play the song The Big Bang by Rock Mafia. You’ll know when to start it :)*

On the floor in the common area of your dorm, Class 1-A sits in a circle. Each of you holding a red solo cup filled with whatever concoction Kaminari came up with. Tonight, you’re celebrating your graduation from UA. In the past few years, all of you have grown and matured as heroes. Now prepared to defend humanity from all sorts of evil. Tomorrow, you will be adults. Tonight, however, you’re a group of tipsy teens playing truth, dare, or drink. “l/n truth or dare?” asks Midoriya. “I chose dare last time,” you say, “so I choose truth.” Deku nods, obviously thinking of a question, “what is something you did to help yourself become a better hero, or to help control your quirk, that you have never told anyone about?” you take a second to ponder your answer. You have a quirk called ‘Snake Charmer’, you can hypnotize any living thing when you whistle certain tunes. Each tune causes a different reaction. Although you had a cool quirk, you had terrible body awareness and at one point had been terribly clumsy. If you couldn’t charm your opponent quick enough, your lack of bodily control always made you lose in hand to hand combat. “Well, you guys remember how unaware of my body I used to be, and how clumsy?” Everyone nods in response, Bakugo saying something about how you used to look like an idiot baby deer first learning to walk. “To combat that, and teach myself bodily awareness, I learned how to pole dance.”

No one said a word for several moments, the boy's mouth dropping open. “That’s so cool!” Momo exclaims, “I’ve always wanted to take a class but I never got around to it!” “it was a lot harder than I had originally expected but I absolutely loved it,” you responded. You scan the room and it’s obvious that the boys were incredibly interested in this new information, so you were quick to shift the attention to someone else. “It’s my turn to ask! Uraraka, truth or dare?” and so the game continued.

Eventually it was Kirishima’s turn to ask, “l/n, truth or dare?” “Dare!” kirishima smirks, “so you told us you know how to pole dance?” “.....yes?” his face breaks into a full on grin, making you regret ever having chosen dare. “So you know how to dance?” “I hate where this is going, but yes” you groan out. “I dare you to give Bakugo a lap dance, if one of you yields before the song is over you will have to prank aizawa.” you roll your eyes, “knowing how to pole dance does not mean that I know how to strip, but fine I’ll do it.” Everyone starts giggling, Bakugo exclaims “WHY DID YOU CHOOSE ME SHITTY HAIR.” Laughing, you stand, brushing off your legs “you can just yield now Bakugo, there’s no shame in admitting defeat.” “tsch, as if I’m going to lose to you,” he rolls his eyes. “Okay then,” Kirishima says, clapping his hands together “let’s get this party started”

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Bakugo, now sitting in a chair, is obviously nervous. He rubs his hands over his pants several times in the few moments you were watching him. “Okay l/n, what song have you chosen?” Mina asks from where she’s sitting with the rest of the group against the wall across from the chair. “I choose The Big Bang by Rock Mafia.” you say, smirking.

You hear the first couple notes of the song and you roll your head, then lock eyes with Bakugo, slowly approaching him and thread your hands through your hair.

I don't wanna lie, I’m gonna take what you’re givin’

You drag your hand across his back as you walk around his chair, hearing him sharply inhale. “Nervous already?” you ask, running your hands down his chest and then back up again. “You wish.” he replies, even though he visibly stiffens from your touch and shifts in his seat.

You’ve got me right here, combustible, and I can’t wait to finally explode

You walk around to the front of him, place your hands on his knees and spread his legs apart. Slowly you sink down onto your knees, leaning back to sit on your calves in front of him while maintaining eye contact. When the chorus hits you roll your head back and run your fingers through your hair. You then move your body up off of your calves in a rolling motion, removing your hands from your hair and sliding them up his legs towards his crotch. You sit back again, kick your right leg up in a circular motion and stand from the floor.

Some people like to talk, but I’m into doing what I feel like doing

Bakugo is now visibly rigid, barely breathing as he watches your movements like a hawk. You stand in front of him once again, leaning over him and spreading your legs. You bend your legs and crouch right in front of his crotch, then run your body up his, barely touching him. A tease of a touch. He inhales sharply as your hands find purchase on his broad shoulders. You twist and sit on his thigh, pulling your shirt off leaving you with only a bra covering your upper half.

When all the stars collide, in this universe inside

His hand moves to your back and tries to slide down to your ass but you slap him away. “No touching” you scold, standing and walking behind him, dragging your fingers across his shoulders lightly. He shudders, gulping hard enough that you can hear it. You once again sit on his thigh, only this time your legs are on the outside of his. You bring the leg closest to him up and over his body, making it so that your legs are on either side of his chair and your chests are nearly touching. Bakugo holds the sides of the chair with a death grip, attempting to ground himself. His neck and ears are red and his breaths are shuddering and shallow. You lean forward and whisper in his ear “just give in baby, you know you want to.” As you pull back you pull his earlobe with your teeth and he gasps.

The big big bang, the reason I’m alive

You sit back, holding his shoulders and rolling your head. As the beat drops for the final time you grind your hips down in his lap, holding eye contact while you do so. You smirk at him, because now you’ve felt just how aroused he really is from your actions.

Whoa, babe

Bakugo grabs you by the hips and nearly throws you off of him, exclaiming “I YIELD STUPID I YIELD.” You look at him smirking, he avoids eye contact with you and stands from the chair walking towards the group. The back of his neck is red and his whole body is shaking. He sits down next to Kaminari, grumbling, and runs a hand over his blushing face. You look at the group and everyone’s eyes are blown wide. All of the boys are readjusting themselves and can’t look you in the eyes. You look at the girls, their facial expressions are a mix of pride and awe. You sit down, pull your shirt back over your body and say, “so, whose turn is it to ask?”

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The next day, Bakugo can’t take his eyes off of you. Last night he couldn't stop picturing, remembering the drag of your hips against his, and how he would do anything to feel it again. You can feel him burning holes in the back of your head during your graduation ceremony, and when you walk in front of him to accept your diploma, you purposefully put a little bit more swing in your hips. Bakugo growls, his upper lip curling, watching your ass as you walk away. He knew that there was one man to blame for all of his troubles. Kirishima.

That night, the last night you were living in the dorms, you made your way to the kitchen for a glass of water. Instead you overheard an interesting conversation. Before you even entered the door frame, you heard the distinct voice of Bakugo snarling “Why did you choose me, shitty hair? Did you find submitting me to torture funny?” you heard Kirishima reply saying “bro you should be THANKING me, not threatening me!” “and why the hell would I THANK you for this?”

Kirishima sighs, then says “You’ve had a thing for l/n since year one, this is the furthest you’ve EVER gotten with her and it’s because of MY dare.”

You gasp, both of the boys whipping around to look at you. “Didn’t anyone ever tell you it’s rude to eavesdrop on someone else's conversation, idiot.” Bakugo growls out lowly. You roll your eyes, sauntering over to him “didn’t anyone teach YOU that it’s rude to talk about someone behind their back Kacchan?” “tsch” he looks away from you. “Now, now,” you say, “is that any way to react to the woman you’re apparently in love with?” His eyes snap to yours, “as if I could ever love an extra like you.” You smirk knowingly. You have known him long enough to know when he is lying to you, and that statement was a big fat lie. “That’s too bad,” you whisper, “because maybe the extra loves you too.” you smile at him, and walk back out of the kitchen to your room. If you were right about this, which you will be, Bakugo will follow behind you.

After entering your room, you sit on the edge of the bed and start to count the seconds passing. You barely get to 32 before you hear a knock on your door. You open it to see Bakugo, just as expected. You step back and gesture his welcome. He steps in the door and you shut it behind him. “I lied.” “I know” “I don’t want to ruin my chance with-” he pauses and blinks. “What the fuck do you mean, YOU KNOW.” you giggled, “I knew you were lying, you aren’t very good at it.”

Bakugo Katsuki was confused. First of all, he has no emotional intelligence whatsoever so he has no idea how you’re feeling. Second of all, he was just told he is a horrible liar, making him rethink all of the lies he has ever told and how many of them he actually got away with. Third of all, the girl he is in love with KNOWS that he loves her now. Oh God she knows she knows she knows-

His train of thought is cut off when a pair of soft lips meet his own. For a beat, he doesn’t react. His brain moving into hyperdrive. Then he reacts, one hand coming up to cup your cheek softly, the other settling on your hip pulling you closer to him. Your hands wind around his neck pulling him into you. After several long moments, you both pull away. Your eyes bore into his, as if you were searching for an answer to a question your soul had asked. “I love you.” you state, as simply as if you were saying that grass is green or the sky is blue. Bakugo inhales sharply, his breath catching in his throat. “I love you Bakugo.” you say again, this time more forceful, tugging on his neck. “Katsuki,” he breathes, “call me Katsuki.” he clears his throat, then grins down at you “and for the record, I love you too y/n.”

You squeal, giggling and tugging him into a tight hug. He barks out a loud laugh and winds his arms around you. You stand there wound together for a breath, and then you’re kissing again. This time more desperate, there was no question of your feelings. No more barriers. His lips press forcefully to yours, slipping his tongue into your mouth. You move together in perfect sync. Katsuki pats you on your hip, signalling you to jump up so he can hold you. You jump and wrap your legs around his waist, his hands moving to rest under your ass. You can feel him walking somewhere. The backs of his knees hit your bed and he falls back, pulling you down on top of him. You start giggling and he grins up at you. He moves up to kiss you once more. You pull away, but stay close enough that he can feel your lips moving on his as you speak, and you whisper “I love you ‘suki” he looks at you, and grins wider than you had ever seen him grin. “I love you y/n” he whispers, pressing your lips back together.

#bakugou imagine #bnha bakugo katsuki #katsuki bakugō #bnha #mha fanfiction #fanfic #bakugou fluff #bakugo fanfiction #fluff #love #cute #kaminari denki #kirishima #myhero #my hero imagines #my hero fanfic

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cinnbar-bun · 5 years

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WILDCARD: Mysmes as gbf units (what element, what weapon they'd use, what race they'd be and so on)

*rubs hands together* I was MADE for this

Zen: Light element- I’m kinda gonna base this on his outfit for when he played Zorro. He’d be kind of mysterious but over-dramatic- he’d introduce himself as an aspiring actor, flirt with Danchou for a bit and be all ‘hehe obviously the god’s regret making me this handsome’. He has a rapier on his side and Vyrn roasts him literally every second like ‘yo dodo bird do you even fight bro????’ and Zen gets SO offended. His fate episode has him basically chatting your ear off and you’re like ‘why is he even in my crew-he’s as chaotic as Aoidos???’ But as you level him up he is the sweetest thing ever and his v-day+ white day cutscenes would be the absolute cutest things ever!!! He’d be so suave you’d have a heart attack!!

Rarity: I’d go off on a limb here and say maybe r or Sr, since he’s the “easy” route, he’d prolly be one of the easiest to get. I’d also say he’d be a fan favorite real quick, so he gets an sr summer skin and sr event character, maybe an outfit or two as well.

Skills: Based on his personality, I think he’d be one that can charm enemies with a cheesy skill name like ‘dazzling skin’ or ‘blinding smile’. Also based on his rather hot-headed personality, he’d prolly be someone with ‘hostility-up’. I’d even say when you get him to level 45 and earn his last skill, he’d have a skill that heals or takes hits for you, the MC.

Weapon: Rapier, as said before. I think he’d call it ‘Zorro’ or something else that’s entirely stupid. When you summon his weapon, it’d be called ‘radiant rapier’.

Yoosung- Wind element. He’s an absolute cutie and would prolly be a hermit in the forest chatting it up with his animal buddies and you gotta drag his butt outside while he screams about the sun. His whole character arc is him getting utterly ROASTED by Vyrn and literally everyone because of how much of a NEET he is. Lyria and Danchou try to reintegrate him into society and trust people more. He starts off as ‘happy’ in his fate episode, gets melancholic in his skill episode, then becomes truly happy in a cross episode with another character.

Rarity: Sr. Unfortunately he’s not as popular as most, so he probably gets an event unit at most besides his original. I think he’d eventually be recognized as being a great character and may get a summon stone though.

Skills: I think he’d be a healer/buffer to the crew. So he’d be healing with a skill called “Superman Yoosung to the rescue!!” and then a buff for wind characters like “NERF THIS WIND LOLOL!!!” And then his last skill will be a really sentimental one like “I’ve become stronger now” and it places a defense shield on him and ally.

Weapon: Staff. He’s a healer, but his sprite has like a bird and deer somewhere. If you were to summon him, it’d be called “Staff of Life”.

Jaehee- Is a tired woman who you bump into because she’s busy trying to deal with Jumin’s shit. She apologizes quickly and Lyria is like “OMG BUT WE NEED TO HELP HER!!!!’ So her whole character arc is you helping her she should achieve her dreams and then suddenly she’s like ‘yeah LEMME QUIT AND START A CAFE!!!’ She becomes great friends with Sandalphon becuase they both bleed coffee and are done with everyone, but have a soft spot for the captain, and have massive crushes on their white haired besties (i mean whaaaaat).

Rarity: Sr. She gets an original, but a second sr version where she has finally achieved her dream. It’s a really cute closure to her character, and Jumin doesn’t act so OOC to fill a quota lol.

Skills: She’d be debuffer/ buffer extraordinaire. Cooldown times shorten, atk goes up, and she has a stackable skill ‘The faster you finish, the faster you can leave!!’ in which her hostility and atk goes up, her def goes down, and she HITS HARD!!!

Weapon: stack of papers Idk tbh, maybe a tome, but it’s referred to as a staff (call it a gd book jfc Cygames lol). She’d probably earth element and WILL BREAK THE EARTH IN HALF!!!!

Jumin- The rich, stoic prince of a kingdom you end up meeting on accident. He only joins you because you found Elizabeth the 3rd and he was very grateful. So imagine Percival on steroids and that’s Jumin as a GBF character. He’s quick to call bullshit, but every time Vyrn or Zen roasts him it flies over his head/he roasts them back a thousand times harder. His arc is him learning to trust his FEEELINSS!! Also becomes close with Dante and they both philosophically discuss cats like they’re their gods. His V-day and White Day cutscenes will be the EXACT SAME AS SIEGFRIED!! HE’S AWFUL ON V DAY BUT ON WHITE DAY HE’LL BE COMPLIMENTING YOU AND BEING HAWT BUT THEN HE’S LIKE ‘I RESPECT YOU’. DUMB IDIOT STILL DOESN’T KNOW FEELINGS!!

Rarity: SSR. He’s quickly become a fan favorite and has two ssr versions, his original and maybe a halloween/ christmas version, and then an anniversary skin where he’s wearing a dashing tux and it will say on the description, ‘Can you keep up with me’ or something safdsjgnfljsnjkn I’m dying CYGAMES MM COLLAB WHENST????

Skills: He’s a dark debuffer/ defensive character. He can hit hard but he is more focused on longer battles where survivability is more necessary than him nuking. He’d have a def down for enemies and it’s called ‘I get checks’ and a def up for all allies called ‘Ahh- to be with Elizabeth the 3rd again’

Weapon: A beautiful sword/ lance that is very pristine and glorious. It’s gonna have a diamond on it somewhere and it’s gonna be a reference to how his father gave him that pen.

Also!!! He gets a cross-fate episode with Zen where they both roast each other before actually talking out their feelings and working it out. I can also imagine an episode where he delves more into his distrust of women and why he focuses on his Elizabeth so much.

707- He’s so god damn chaotic you wonder WHY THE HELL IS HE EVEN ALLOWED??? Okay so you end up meeting him when Rackam is trying to fix the Grandcypher and homeboy shows up, suggests some ideas and him and Rackam go nutso over ships (this version of cars). He has a lot of inside jokes and is very memeable for a GBF character, becoming a notorious part of the April Fools event. His fate episodes start off happy before becoming depressing and you’re like wow why don’t you just run me over with a boat huh???

Rarity: SSR. Super popular and has like…five variants lol. I say he’d be a fire nuker all the time except for one ssr variant, in which it’s a dark version where it was a ‘what if he fell into despair?1!!!!???’ Super depressing story holy cow. He’s got an event sr in there, it’s pretty good. He’s prolly also got a summer, Christmas, or Halloween variant somewhere there. Of course, because of his popularity, he gets skin or two as well.

Weapon: I imagine him using a fire gun. Like imagine a better Rackam. It’d be called something like, “hacker’s resolve”.

Skills: Fire nuker. He’s horrible for long distance fights, but he focuses a lot on enmity, hype, and hostility up fights where he needs to hit hard and fast. For sure has a skill called, ‘I’m in’, and “Defender of Justice-707!!’ and after you complete the heart-wrenching skill ep. he gets his final skill called, “god forgive me”. It’s so depressing T-T

Also!! Has a cross-fate with both Yoosung and Unknown where they focus on family and growing past their own background.

Unknown- A very scary dude when you first meet him, who tries to kill you on sight. Lyria…does something and he’s like, ‘I need to get revenge so I’ll stick with you if you let me kill people’. His episodes start off VERY dark and disturbing, but gradually get happier as he becomes more acquainted with the MC. I’d say he’s basically like Azazel where he’s so tsundere about everything and you’re ‘okay brooooo’. His valentines day cutscenes would be absolutely hilarious as he’s like ‘ew why would I take anything you make’ to ‘i dreamt of eating your chocolate again’. His white day scenes would be SOOOOOO worth it tho, he gets you a bouquet of flowers with special meaning and is blushing and tells you to take it before he freaks out.

Rarity: Originally a water sr, but then got a wind SSR version that represents him growing and becoming ‘Saeran’ again. It’s a super amazing growth that makes everyone weep when they!! see!! the!! baby!! smile!! He prolly has a Halloween version where he dresses as the phantom again.

Weapon: Firearms. Tons of guns and explosions.

Skills: He’s an attacker/debuffer. He can hit hard like his brother but can ACTUALLY TAKE A HIT AND NOT DIE!!! I can imagine he’d have a self heal skill called ‘mint eye elixir’ where he drinks a potion and heals, but if you do it too much he eventually can be knocked out or raise his atk a lot but get killed by getting slapped too hard. He’d have tons of debuffs where he blinds and confuses foes, and his last skill would be called ‘unraveled chains’ where he boosts his atk and def. His SSR version would be a lot different and more focused on buffing everyone up, and he’s so good at it. They’re mostly related to flowers and how he’s grown and changed as a person, and how he finally reached happiness.

V- He is a blind wizard. That’s it. That’s literally how you meet him you go ‘lol there’s no such thing as a-’ and V saves your ass from getting run over by a cart or something. You beg him to join and he’s like ‘well of course I’ll help you wonderful children!!!’ His v-day and white day scenes are absolutely heartbreaking yet so emotional because he talks about his past with Rika yet says how he can finally ‘see’ the light since joining you. His story IS SAD!! SAD!! SAD BOI HOURS AT ALL TIMES!!! A BLIND MAN IS CRYING OVER HOW HIS SINS WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO WASHED AWAY AND HE SHOULD HAVE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO GET A SECOND CHANCE AND!!! SO SAD!!

Rarity: Water SSR plus a dark sr from an event where he’s in his mint eye clothes. Gets a Halloween skin where he’s dressed as a detective trying to find his happiness and will to live.

Skills: Self-sacrificing skills that buff everyone up. It’s so sad because he’s so good at buffing everyone and making everyone a tank but you just… dude you wanna talk about it?? Do you want a healer omg man, I’m so sorry.

Weapon: Blind wizard. He uses a staff, which doubles as his walking staff.

#long post #mystic messenger #gbf

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smilingformoney · 6 years

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Endless Summer 3 Diamond Scene: Receive the Endless’s Memories

A brilliant flash heralds the beginning of a vision. You find yourself in deep woods. From nearby, you hear laughter and splashing. You follow the sound, pushing aside foliage…

Sean: No way! That was totally out! Quinn: If it hits the water, it counts! Your friends are playing volleyball in The Celestial pool, sending a colourful beach ball back and forth over the net. And among them, you see… You: Yes! That’s another point! You stagger, dazed at the sight. Looking down at your hands, you see that one is gloved in red, and the other is skeletal steel. The Endless: I’m… the Endless. Your heart is racing, but the sight of your friends laughing and playing somehow puts you at ease. The Endless: I don’t remember this. It must be from another timeline.

Just then, Sean spikes the beach ball too hard, and it bounces over to the edge of the jungle, nearly at your feet. Sean: My bad. I’ll get it.

Sean jogs over, a smile on his face. As he picks up the ball, he sees you among the trees. Sean: Who are you? The Endless: Sean. It’s me. Sean: …[Name]? You take a step toward him… but as you do, reality shimmers and ripples…

Suddenly, you’re standing on a snowswept mountainside. The Endless: Huh? Where did-- A bellowing roar shakes the pine trees! Nearby, you see yourself and Grace skiing down the slope, with Furball perched on your shoulder! Furball: Mreep! You: Come on! She’s gaining! Grace: Oh god, oh god! The Yeti bursts through the treeline, thundering after them! Yeti: RAAAAUUGGHHH!

Next, you’re watching Michelle barely keeping balance as she tiptoes across a narrow catwalk. Michelle: Almost… there… With a groan, the metal platform bends toward the blazing magma! Michelle: Ahhhh! The Endless: Michelle! Fiddler: I’ve got you! Out of nowhere, Fiddler dives toward Michelle, tackling her to safety. Michelle: Jeanine… you saved me! Fiddler: Yeah, well, we’re even now. So don’t expect it to happen again.

Uqzhaal: It is a joyous day, brothers and sisters. We finally have a new Clockmaker! Uqzhaal kneels in front of the chair at the center of the workshop. A dozen Anachronists follow suit. Uqzhaal: We are yours to command, Zahra. Zahra: Dope.

Clang! Fencing sabers clash as Rourke and Aleister square off at the edge of a burning building. Rourke: Not bad at all! Perhaps I underestimated you. Aleister: Your observations regarding me have been summarily wrong, Father… Aleister: But I’ll afford you no time to regret your errors! En garde!

At the base of Elyys’tel’s mighty tree, a battle rages. Arachnid soldiers struggle to defend the city from a horde of Vaanti. Ximaedra: To me, warriors! Let us slay the Hydra and Spider and reclaim our home! The Omega Mech strides across the beach, charging its weapons. Estela glares out from the cockpit. Estela: Let’s do this…

High above the fray, Tetra tosses Rourke’s lifeless body from the branches. Tetra: … He strides back toward the audience hall.

Tetra: They’re getting close, boss. A cigar smolders, lighting the face of the man on the throne. Lundgren: Let ‘em come. Lundgren: And when they do, we’ll burn this damned tree to the ground with them inside it.

You see your friends in Rourke’s cloning lab. Strapped to the surgical table in steel restraints is… Gurgi: Help! You must help Gurgi! Raj: Come on, there’s gotta be a way to-- Iris: I’m sorry, Raj. I can’t let you do that. Raj: Whoa! Who the hell are you? The Endless: This must be a timeline where we never found Iris.

Quinn: Taari, where’d you get that necklace? The Vaani child shows off the golden key hanging from his neck. Taari: I found it! Do you like it? Quinn kneels down to get a closer look… and sees a rune shaped like a dolphin engraved into the side.

Lila: I hate to tamper with private property… but I have a job to do. Lila sets the trail of gasoline alight, and soon the fire engulfs Jake’s plane. Lila: There. That should keep them from leaving.

Estela: Come on… where is it?! In a ballroom, Estela flips open a pocket knife and slashes the painting of a sailboat, reaching behind the canvas. Estela: Found you. She takes out a folded note and reads it. Estela: This handwriting. It’s… Note: L, There’s a second Omega Specimen. Whatever it takes, we have to make sure Rourke doesn’t get his hands on her/him. - O Clipped to the note is a photo of you. Estela: He won’t, Mom. I promise.

A rusty taco truck rumbles down ruined jungle roads with Jake at the wheel! Jake: I’ve got it… I’ve got it! Mike: You’re gonna get us killed! Again! Jake: We’ll be fine. Ain’t that right, Sebastian? King Crab: Shk-snk!

You: Hold on. You’re telling me that-- Aleister: For the love of… [Name], we’ve discussed this protractedly. I’m Aleister. You: And you’re-- Michelle: Michelle. Can you please just get us out of this nightmare?! Grace: What surprises me most is that Rourke literally labelled this machine ‘Freaky Friday Device.’ Aleister: It’s his favourite movie.

Raj: Uh, guys… Raj: Why is Furball purple?! Furball: Mrrp?

Sean: How did he even get up there? Diego: Is he gonna be okay? Yvonne: Ugh, just like Malatesta… The fool never understand when it’s time to let go! You watch as Cetus breaches the sea’s surface again… with Malatesta somehow riding atop his head! Malatesta: Will one of you bloody fools do something?! Cetus: HRRRAAAAK!

A figure levitates over the cracking ice, blazing with time energy. Tetra: Run! That freak’s gonna kill us all! Craig: Chyeah-heh-heh boi!

Lundgren: I knew you’d come around eventually. Lundgren: Welcome back… Wolf. Wolf: What can I do for you, Commander?

Aleister walks in, carrying Grace’s body. Aleister: This is your fault… Quinn: Aleister, I’m so sorry… it was an accident. Diego: Poor Grace. Aleister: His blood is on all of you, and now your own will be too! Aleister sets down Grace’s body and draws a snake-hilted knife.

Varyyn sits alone on the shore, weeping as he cradles a fluorescent-coloured seashell to his ear. Varyyn: … A voice echoes faintly in the shell, a voice from long ago. Diego: I’ll always love you, Varyyn… I’ll always love you, Varyyn… I’ll always love… Soon, the echo is gone forever.

Craig dangles over the side of a sheer cliff, hanging on to Sean’s hand. Sean: I’ve got you! I can pull you up! Craig: Bro… I’ll just pull you over with me. Sean: Craig, no! Craig: Face it, Sean. I’ve been dragging you down my whole life. I’m done. Craig releases his grasp and plummets hundreds of feet to the ground. Sean: NOOOOOO!

Rourke cuts a thick slice of juicy steak and twirls it on his fork. Rourke: I must say, it’s lovely to finally have a family dinner together. Across the table, Estela sits perfectly still her eyes blank. At her temple, an electric device pulses with light. Rourke: Wouldn’t you agree, my dear? Estela: Yes, Father.

Taari runs up and hugs Aleister around the legs. Taari: I love you, Uncle Al! Aleister: I, er-- Aleister: I love you too, Taari.

An arcade machine flashes ‘High Score’ while Craig hosts Diego onto his shoulders and carries him around! Craig: Ha ha! My boy Diego just crushed the all-time leaderboard! Zahra: Aw, yes. Billy Mitchell who? Diego: Couldn’t have done it without you guys!

Grace sniffs, and a tear rolls down her cheek. Michelle, sitting by her side, wipes it away. Michelle: I don’t think you’re timid at all. In fact, you’re probably the bravest person I’ve ever met. Grace: Sniff… Really? Michelle: Really.

Jake pulls the slide on a pistol. Jake: You seriously think I’d let you go it alone? I told you. I’ve got your back for life. Sean: I know, Jake. And you know I’ve got yours. Sean and Jake embrace, clapping each other. Jake: But if you tell anybody I said that, I’ll kill you myself.

You watch yourself raise a glass, surrounded by your friends. You: So this toast… is to all of you. You: You’re like family to me, and more than that, you’re the best family I could ever hope for.

-If you’re married to Sean

Michelle walks barefoot on the beach, her fingers laced with Craig’s. Michelle: I can’t believe that, all this time, the love of my life was right in front of me. Craig: That’s where I’ll always be, Meech. They kiss, framed by the sunset.

-If you’re not married to Sean

Sean lifts Michelle in his arms and spins her around. Sean: I can’t believe I ever let you slip away. Michelle: I can’t believe I ever watched you go. Sean: Never again. I’m yours, Michelle. And you’re mine. They kiss, framed by the sunset.

-If you’re not married to Jake

Jake suns himself on the deck of the Dorado. Suddenly, a shadow blocks the light. Jake lifts his sunglasses to look. Jake: I was wondering where you’d been. Yvonne: You missed me, chere? Jake: Always. Yvonne straddles Jake, leaning down to kiss him.

-If you’re married to Estela

Lila: I didn’t realise it until now. But you’re everything I wanted your father to be. Aleister: Lila… what are you saying? Lila: I’m saying… I’m saying… In an instant, she collapses into Aleister, her lips pressed to his. Aleister freezes in shock. Then, gradually, he lets his eyes close and his arms wrap around her.

-If you’re not married to Estela

Estela sits up in bed, her mind racing. Estela: … She starts to get up, when a hand takes hers and pulls her back. Zahra: Where do you think you’re going? Estela: Just… got stuff on my mind. Zahra: Then talk to me about it. I’m here for you. Estela: I know. Estela falls back into bed, holding Zahra in her arms.

-If you’re not married to Quinn

Quinn: Like this? Quinn frets a chord on Kele’s guitar. Kele: You’re a natural. Kele: So what makes you wanna learn guitar anyway? Quinn: Well, because… I want to write a song for you! Kele smiles and leans toward Quinn. Their lips meet.

And then, amid the chaos and the possibility, the million different choices… one moment happens over and over…

-If you’re not married to anyone

Diego: I love being your best friend… I never want to lose you.

Diego: I love being your best friend… I never want to lose you. You: You’re not going to lose me, Diego. That’s a promise.

Tears fill your eyes as, in the space of a single moment, you watch yourself befriend Diego a thousand times.

-If you’re married to Estela

Estela: I, uh… I love you.

Estela: I, uh… I love you. You: And I love you, Estela.

Tears fill your eyes as, in the space of a single moment, you watch yourself fall in love with Estela a thousand times.

-If you’re married to Sean

Sean: I am always gonna love you.

Sean: …I am always gonna love you. You: And I’m always going to love you, Sean.

Tears fill your eyes as, in the space of a single moment, you watch yourself fall in love with Sean a thousand times.

-If you’re married to Jake

Jake: I love you, [Name].

Jake: …I love you, [Name]. You: And I love you, Jake.

Tears fill your eyes as, in the space of a single moment, you watch yourself fall in love with Jake a thousand times.

-If you’re married to Quinn

Quinn: I think I love you, [Name].

Quinn: …I think I love you, [Name]. You: I know I love you, Quinn.

Tears fill your eyes as, in the space of a single moment, you watch yourself fall in love with Quinn a thousand times.

The light fades. You’re back in the cavern with the Endless’s hand on your forehead. You feel yourself sobbing. The Endless: Are you… sad? You: No… I’ve just… I’ve never been so happy. The Endless: You’ve seen everything now, [Name]. You know everything you can know… but this is where my sight ends. You nod, wiping away the tears. You: I know what I have to do.

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mysticdrabbles · 7 years

Note

hiya! if its not a bother, can you please do headcanons on how the rfa(plus saeran and v bc i adore them) helps mc out of a really bad slump. i've been out of it lately and it would really help, thanks!

Oh man, I feel you buddy. I’m sorry this is so late. I reeeeally feel you lolol ^^;;

Zen:

You have never been pampered like this boy will pamper you

Two words: Spa day.

Whether that means going to an actual spa together or sitting at home and letting him pamper you himself is up to you. He’s fine with either option.

Spa day, makeup day, hairstyle day, he can and will do it all for you.

After all, how can you be upset if you’re busy feeling beautiful?

The fact is that you’re always beautiful of course, but he understands if you’re not feeling it. And even if you are, it never hurts to pile more beauty on.

He’ll do your face, your nails, your hair, you’ll look like a mythical deity when he’s done with you.

Or, you know, exactly like you but with colorful eyes and nails.

He’ll let you paint his nails too, if it makes you feel better.

You can braid each other’s hair~

Once you’re all beauty-ed out, he’ll offer to take you on a scenic ride on his motorcycle too (as long as you wear all the proper protective equipment)

(Safety first)

Or he’ll take you on a relaxing walk around the city, maybe even on a picnic.

You’re not sure how but Zen knows all the best spots

Of course, your outing will take you through at least some crowded areas. Nothing boosts your confidence like having people halt to a stop to stare at you with awed eyes and slack jaws.

When you finally get home you’ll definitely get some massages from Zen.

He looked up a how to video online

You two sit together on the couch while he puts on whatever you want to watch

(Preferrably something he can sing along to. Bonus if you’ll sing with him~

And you can plop whatever body part is most in need of de-stressing right into his waiting hands

Take that as PG or R as you’d like

Yoosung:

Oh boy. He gets it.

You’re talking to a depressed university student here, he totally understands what it’s like to be in a slump.

He decides that you need to take your mind off things for a little while.

And the best way to do that? Video game day!

It’s the closest a poor university student can get to taking a vacation hahaha

On our menu today we have a light appetizer of some Mario Party, followed by your choice of Mario Kart or Super Smash Bros depending on what you want him to kick your ass in

Honestly he’ll play whatever game you want. He’ll probably even try and go easy on you.

Key word: try. He may or may not be a little bit competitive. He’ll do it for you though.

Unless you notice and are offended. Then he’ll stop.

He just wants you to have fun.

He’ll even let you be player one in all the games, because you’re player one in his heart E>

Yoosung stop that’s cheesy

Once you’re all gamed out and refreshed he’ll hold you and play with your hair

And he tells you that he knows you can do anything you put your mind to

So don’t worry

This’ll pass

And he’ll be by your side through all the ups and downs to support and encourage you

He’ll make you dinner too, to energize and refresh you with his love. Every night. Whatever you want. Pick your favourite food, he can look up a recipe for it if he doesn’t know how to make it.

He’ll let you help if you want. Cooking together is a great mood fix!

He’ll even find a way to arrange your food in smiley faces and decorate it with hearts to try and cheer you up because he’s a dork like that

Jaehee:

This woman lived in a permanent slump for years when she worked at C&R.

A slump formed of endless exhaustion and over-exertion

And yet even when she’s at her absolute worst she’s still the hardest worker you know

So obviously she’s the best one to go to for this.

Step One: Coffee.

(Most of Jaehee’s plans start with coffee, to be honest.)

She’ll use all the fancy tricks she’s learned from running her coffee shop to make you the perfect cup of coffee.

Some days she’ll change it up and make you a latte instead

Because she’s been practicing latte art

And how can you not feel energized after being presented with such beautiful art?

Especially beautiful art that’s filled with caffeine?

She also has a ton of little tips and tricks on how to make it through the day when all you want to do is scream into a pillow and go to bed

One of them happens to be scream into a pillow when you first wake up. Let all the frustration out so you don’t end up snapping and blowing up right in the face of your rich ass slave driver of a–

…Jaehee are you okay?

Ahem. As she was saying, stress release is very important.

She’s also an advocate for exercise as a form of stress relief.

She invites you to go for a run with her (she won’t even invite Zen to come along unless you request it, which is super flattering. She wants to run with just you~)

Even if you’re not feeling up for it the sight of her in a tank top and shorts with her slowly growing-out hair tied back in a short adorable ponytail and her bangs held out of her face by a golden yellow hairband that brings out the soft, gold glow of her eyes is a sight that would brighten anyone’s day

You tell her as much and her responding blush double-brightens your day

If you’re not up for it, she’ll encourage you do to some kind of exercise around the house.

Preferably while listening to one of Zen’s musicals, but she’ll put on whatever you want. She only suggests it because she knows one that’s particularly inspiring.

If you are feeling up for it she’ll make sure she matches whatever pace you’re up for going, even if that means not going above a brisk walk.

This outing is for you, after all.

She’ll reassure you that wherever you’re at right now, you’ll be back on your feet eventually.

Until then, she’s more than happy to take care of you, whatever that may entail.

Jaehee wins girlfriend of the year.

Every year.

Jumin:

Slump? What’s that?

“Slump” is not in this man’s dictionary.

(Which is kind of a lie, although it’s pretty rare for him. If there is work that he wants to be done he always feels like doing it, since not doing it would bother him more than his other problems do.)

(He does suffer from prioritizing other things over work sometimes when he’s stressed but that doesn’t really stress him out since he just? Doesn’t care about work at the moment?)

You tell him you’re just feeling really low, and that you’re having trouble doing the things you need to get done.

He’s like

Why don’t you just… do the things?

Forgive him he’s trying

He’s honestly not quite sure what to do?

First of all, if he can, he’ll do the things for you or hire someone else to do them. He certainly understands the frustration of things not being done when they need to be done

Outside of that, though… he’s not sure.

Tell him what you want and it’s yours?

He’ll make you strawberry pancakes even if it is dinnertime.

And wine, because, well. Wine. It’s a cure all.

Pancakes and wine, the finest of fine dining

At night he’ll hold you close and whisper reassurances in your ear until you fall asleep.

He’ll basically do anything and everything he can to fix the problem

(He’ll even rub your clothes with catnip while you’re asleep so that you get extra cuddles from Elizabeth the 3rd the next day. Kitty cuddles are another of his cure all.)

He might back down slightly if you tell him that it’s not something that needs to be fixed so much as it is a time you need to work through

Then he’ll switch from speedy problem solving mode to unconditional love and support mode.

(There will still be wine and kitty cuddles though.)

Seven:

JOKES

MEMES

PRANKS

~*~*Defender of Justice 707*~*~ will pull out all the stops to make you smile

“What do you call it when Batman doesn’t go to church? Christian Bale!”

“How many ears does Spock have? Three! A left ear, a right ear, and a final frontier~”

Yeah, that’s right, he’s bringing out the big guns.

Seriously he’s spent his life fighting off constant slumps using humour and damn if he’s not gonna use his leet memer skillz to help you through yours

He also decides he’s going to make you dinner

Oh God please no

Don’t worry, it doesn’t take him long to realize that he does not, in fact, know how to make dinner.

He does, however, make a kickass mac and cheese.

He knows all the tricks to make it perfect.

Adding just the right amount of milk, and putting real melted cheese on top...

Yeah, that’s right, he even has real food in the house. Look at him, it’s like he’s a real adult.

Except that it’s only there because you bought it.

He garnishes each bowl with a couple Honey Buddha chips. (You know, like fancy restaurants use those leafy things? Except it’s a sprinkle of crumbs and one single chip sticking up in the middle.)

Also he built you a small robot watch that generates one (1) meme per hour.

(It looks kind of like the Apple watch except the screen is shaped like a pop-tart/cat it’s nyan cat okay and the band is a rainbow.)

It’s called the iMeme

He also builds you a cat robot that’s sole purpose is to compliment and encourage you

(Well, “built”. He just reprogrammed one of his old projects and taped a picture of his face on the front).

It’s called the iSaeyoung

And he also–

Saeyoung stop building things

For serious though, he’ll support you through it. Whatever you need, he’ll get it for you. If you need a day off, he’ll arrange it so you’re both free to lounge around and watch or do whatever you want. If you need a shoulder to cry on, what a coincidence, he has two. If you need encouragement, he has tons for you.

If you need someone murdered–

Saeyoung no

Saeran:

Oh god you’re upset what is he supposed to do

When he’s upset he usually does unhealthy and self destructive things he has no positive coping methods to suggest (especially none that he can think of when he’s actively stressing out like this) and he’s certainly not going to suggest any of his bad ones to you

(He’s a hypocrite that way)

What do normal people do when someone they care about is upset???

Saeyoung would probably make you laugh

(Although he’s not sure Saeyoung is the best example of a “normal person”)

(It’s all he’s got to go on, he’s not exactly Mr. Popular)

“Uh, hey.”

Okay, so he’s got your attention. Now quick, think of something funny.

“Imagine if clouds could like… fall on people.”

…what the fuck, Saeran.

“I mean like, if blankets of cotton just fell from the sky and squished people.”

Oh my god stop talking, quick, think of a joke

“I-I mean… How do you make seven an even number?”

abort abort why is that the first joke that came to his mind goddamnit Saeyoung oh my god he needs to walk away right now immediately before you respond–

“…I don’t know, why?”

great. no escape now saeran, you have to answer. well, having friends was nice while it lasted.

His response is quiet, muttered out like he had to forcefully drag it out of his increasingly flushed stupid face with a tow truck.

“…you take off the S.”

…

He tried, okay? And it’s not his fault. He has a really good memory and his idiot brother keeps filling it with trash. He hates that his brain has a database of shitty 707 jokes more than you could possibly know.

But then you laugh.

And he turns even more red because he’s still embarrassed and holy shit you are godsend how could his shitty attempts cause such a wonderful sound?

You realize that this is his way of trying to cheer you up and the fact that he cares enough to tell you such an embarrassingly bad joke

Saeyoung is offended

is enough to lift your spirits even if only slightly

This is your chance to explain to him that you’re fine, you’re just… down lately.

Which gives him an opportunity to awkwardly ask what he can do to help, since he obviously doesn’t know. And he’s still working on this whole communication thing.

You tell him to just… be there.

And he nods. He can do that. He’d love to do that.

“And watch my back in case of falling clouds, okay Chicken Little?”

He doesn’t even get the reference but he is so red

It becomes an inside joke, which eventually leads to a day of Saeran sitting out of sight somewhere and throwing cotton balls at people while you point and scream “the sky is falling!”

Saeyoung is super proud

V notices that you’re not feeling your usual self.

He almost immediately arranges a nice sit down conversation about it over tea

(V has the best tea. You don’t know how he can make tea taste so good but he does? Maybe it’s because he has fancy rich people tea?)

He expresses his concern for you.

He tells you he’s here for you, whatever you need.

He tells you he understands. He’s been there.

Which is a little surprising to hear, since you can’t imagine the man before you flopping down on the couch and whining the way you are.

(He casually does not mention that he has in fact done exactly that before. Just ask Jumin.)

But he’s had artists block before

Another surprising one, considering how great literally every picture you’ve ever seen of his turns out

Seriously even his selfies are goddamn art.

You ask him how he gets past things like that

He smiles and tells you to that you just have to step away from the situation for a while and approach it from a different angle

And sometimes it’s easier to do with a cup of tea in one hand and the hand of someone you love in the other

V how do you take pictures if your hands are full, huh?

…It’s a metaphor.

When you’re done your talk, you’re surprised by a sudden flash of light.

You briefly wonder where the camera came from, but it’s V. Somehow, he always has a camera within reach.

At your confused look he’ll give you a smile (you know, the one that looks like angels painted it on his face themselves)

And explain that it’s a “before” picture. He’ll take a matching one “after” you find your way back out of the slump into the sunlight. To show you how far you’ve come.

Hopefully his cheesiness and ever present faith in you will lift you up.

If not, then he’ll just be there for you to fall down on.

(You’re working on him not feeling responsible (and guilty) for all of your problems. He’s trying his best.)

Vanderwood:

Vanderwood would notice immediately that something is up with you

They are a secret intelligence agent after all

And 707′s babysitter

So they’re used to recognizing the changes in someone’s behaviour

(Not that they’re overly focused on you or anything

You’re just.

You know.

You’re there.

So.

Of course they noticed.)

…now what

They’re good at the noticing part. They’re not so good at the doing emotions thing.

They’ll just spend more time around you.

They show up at your door muttering some story about how they were bored or needed somewhere to stay or whatever

They bring you their favourite books (which is saying a lot like they only own like two books and they’re giving them to you???)

They kind of… awkwardly drop (read: neatly stack) the books on the nearest table with some excuse about how they’re a pain to move around from place to place so you should just have them

and then they just

Stand there.

Which leads to them cleaning the nearest cleanable thing

(One upside, no matter how down you’re feeling your house will always be clean. Cleaning is Vanderwood’s thing.)

While they’re cleaning they would talk without looking at you because that makes it less awkward

“This’ll pass, you know.”

Their voice is just the slightest hint softer than usual.

“You just have to keep on going and it’ll pass. Everything does. Just ride it out and things will get better.”

“And, uh. Remember that you’ve got people who can help you. Like the RFA. And you have m–…”

They’re red now. Their voice raises as they continue, as though the volume can hide their embarrassment.

“And clean your goddamn house once in a while! Geez, anyone would be upset in this mess. I guess I’ll keep doing it, if you won’t.”

They don’t mind, really. If you look guilty or anything they’ll quickly tell you that. They like cleaning. And it gives them an excuse to come check on/hang out with you.

They will not tell you that last part.

Also, while they suck at talking about feelings they’ve actually gotten pretty good at listening to them so if you ever need someone to talk to, Vanderwood is your person.

They even give good advice, Sometimes.

They have lots of life experience. Although their life experience is, uh. Not always transferable to the average everyday person.

It’s occasionally slightly illegal advice. But still pretty good.

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cloelia1987 · 7 years

Text

Blue Exorcist Theory #1

This in an old theory of mine from before chapter 90 came out. I posted it on The Blue Knight forum months ago but since the site is currently “down” I thought about posting it here. WARNINGS: I’m a talkative freak and my English is... *cough*

Dear crescenti-C, here it is! :)

As for chapter 89's last pages, we're left with Yukio confronting Rin, the first visibly pissed at the latter's lack of curiosity toward their origins. Ok, I'll take it from here.

I highly doubt that Yukio is gonna gain something out of this confrontation. Unable to get a real explanation out of his bro as to why he doesn't care that much about discovering the truth behind their birth, Yukio (in a fit of anger) will get out of bed and make his way off the room. Rin could try to stop him (as he's standing near the door) and will at least ask him where is he going, but will get no real answer. Seeing how much Yukio is irritated, he'll decide to let him be.

After Suguro and co. fly to Kyoto, Yukio may try to meet Lightning in private in order to get from him some info about what happened at the monastery (using his smart talking style and so on) and taking advantage of the fact that Suguro (and Shima=the Illuminati pressure) are away. Yukio starts off declaring that he suspects that Lightning is investigating something related to his and Rin's past, that's why he went to the monastery. I do believe that Yukio is smart enough to have guessed that the priest (Misumi) died coz of the Morinas contract's demon who killed him and not for natural causes as officially stated (we're never shown Yukio approaching Misumi's coffin neither before or after overhearing that Lightning was at the monastery the morning the guy died, but it's not hard for me to imagine, after hearing that, that Yukio may have gone back to where Misumi's coffin is placed to take a look at his neck and find out the symbol of the contract). Anyway, If that's the case, that would mean that the guy was keeping some secret and was forced to reveal it, thus breaking the contract and having the demon take his life (Yukio himself has a Morinas contract on him, so he knows how it works). And the one who forced him to break that contract was... Lightning. Lightning may be impressed by the way Yukio puts together all the pieces. He could laugh at his face and compliment him. At this point, Yukio asks Lightning if what he's truly investigating is the Blue Night incident.

At this point I do think that Lightning may be "tempted" to talk to Yukio about what he learned so far about Asylum and Section 13, he could even be somewhat "amazed" by Yukio's talent and could like the idea to have him join the investigation in a active way. But, I don't think he will accept to let Yukio actually join (the Okumura bros are part of the equation too, afterall). At this point, Lightning will decline Yukio's offer to help him investigate the Blue Night and will take his leave from him. We will be shown an amused Mephisto watching the whole scene from a distance. Yukio, at this point, may receive a call and be reminded that the exorcists exams' day is about to approach and he has to reunite with the other teachers in order to organize matters. This will keep Yukio's mind busy for a lil while.

There's a time skip and we finally get to the day of the infamous exorcist exam. Like, now this could be a perfect chance to fk everything up :D What I pictured in my head is that in this day, the exwires and all of the teachers reunite in a place to run a "final test" (*insert any kind of test you'd expect to see for a exorcist exam*). The Kyoto trio is back, and Shiemi may show up just to support her friends in the day they may officially become exorcists. Things between Rin and Yukio are still awkward. Shura notices something. Lightning is there too (btw, is he still one of the cram school's teachers? We're not shown him teaching lessons for a while now, so I'm not sure). Mephisto obviously is there too. And he obviously has a plan.

Mephisto knows that Yukio has shared a conversation with Lightning (he obviously knows that it was about the Blue Night). At this point, with the official excuse of "restraining Yukio before he gets to discover -too much- on his own" Mephisto sets in motion his plan. Toward the end of the exam, some True Cross "agents" (*insert a role here*) show up announcing they've been sent by the Grigori with the order to put Okumura Yukio under arrest. GENERAL SHOCK. Without adding any detail, the "agents" proceeds to take Yukio into custody. Rin watches the scene in total awe, as everyone else. Yukio is left speechless but looks like he's about to burst. As the agents approaches him, Shura loses it and asks em what is Yukio exactly accused of. They finally declare that Okumura Yukio is put under arrest for having been found "unclear" during some of his latest "daily tests". Being the son of Satan's brother but having only recently developed a change in his "genes", the Grigori wish to keep him in isolation as a potential threat, also to better analyze the situation. At this, everyone is even more shocked.

Yukio knows for sure that what the agents are stating is not true, but he's mixed with having doubts (since his genes may have finally started to "mutate" due to his demonic powers) or... that being all Mephisto's doing! He stares at Mephisto from a distance with a blank expression and find his confirmation in Mephisto's amused grin. In that moment, Yukio recalls Lucifer's words (about him lacking protection and risking to be held captive in case the secret of his eyes was found out... or worse, even executed) and starts to inwardly panick. Rin finally snaps and tries to stop the agent who's bringing Yukio away. He screams out that it's impossible that Yukio possesses any demonic power and that there's no reason to take him away like that. He tries his best to defend Yukio. At this, Yukio recalls that same old memory of his big bro protecting him when they were kids. At this, anger builds up and as Rin is still interceding for him, Yukio screams: "Stay out of it! THIS IS MY PROBLEM!" Rin is taken aback. After a moment he asks Yukio if it's ok for him if they arrest him with that accuse. Rin: "I mean, it's not true that you possess Satan's power. They're lying ..." Yukio: "... and what if they're not?" *insert Yukio's evil glare* *Rin instantly paralyzes*

In the general silence, the agents keeps to bring Yukio away. But... Lightning makes his move and helps him... evade! Yukio is not willing to accept Lightning's help at first, but the guy jumps close to him, enough to whisper him that he got a plan. Yukio, confused and slightly scared for his fate, decides to trust him and runs away while Lightning keeps the agents busy.

Mephisto is ok with this, though. With no place for him anymore into the True Cross Order (being now a fugitive and all), prolly this situation will finally force Yukio to knock at the Illuminati's door, as he secretely desires.

The agents start chasing Yukio. The situation eventually sets down. The first to show some kind of reaction is Shura which walks towards Mephisto and grabs him by his neck. She asks him if this is all his doing. Mephisto, to calm her, confess (even if it's not true) that he organized that plan in order to protect Yukio from the Illuminati which have been secretely trying to recruit him. Suguro glares at Shima, who simply flashes him his trademark smile. Rin is in total shock. A few hrs drop by and the exwires are back in the cram school and are still trying to process the situation. Shiemi tries to confort Rin, alongside the others. In that moment, one of the teachers enters the room to announce the results of the exams. Everyone is promoted to Exorcist rank in their respective Meisters. But no one feels like celebrating at all.

Mephisto makes his appearance and congratulates the students. He announces that he got his first mission for em as official exorcists... the mission carries a direct order from the Grigori emselves...

And... The Yukio Rescue Arc officially begins!

Mephisto is accompanied by Lightning, who was previously summoned by the Grigori for an explanation as to why he "helped" Yukio run away. Lightning tells the exwires, pardon, now EXORCISTS that the reason he "approached" Yukio was to mark him with a "sylph bell" (the same thing he used on Shima to keep track of his movements). -- Lightning managed to convince the Grigori he wasn't purposely helping Yukio make his run. Btw, after succeding in becoming a exorcist, Rin finally fulfilled the main condition that the Grigori put on him, so he's now officially "recognized" as a weapon of the Order and thus 100% an ally of it.. -- Since this will be the first official mission for the exorcists, Lightning (also cause he's the one in control of the sylph, thus he's the only one who can track its location) is assigned to the group as a "special guest support and supervisor". The role of leader is assigned to Miwa (for the strategic capabilities he showed during the exam, making him the "captain" of the group in place of Yukio). Mephisto declares that he had to work hard in order to persuade the Grigori into not being too harsh toward Yukio for his demeanor. After a long debate, the Grigori eventually accepted to show some "clemency", but on one condition. The Grigori specifically request for Rin, as Yukio's brother, to convince him to surrender to the "capture order" on his own will (the Grigori want to test Rin's loyalty to the Order).

If Yukio will cooperate, the Grigori will not "punish" him for his escape and simply take him into custody as initially planned. Also, being the leader of the mission, Miwa will be held responsible in case of any eventual suspect activity (the Grigori trust that the group will not take wild initiatives knowing that this will result in a punishment for their own friend). That being said, the mission begins. Shiemi wishes good luck to the team before they set for their journey. Tracking down the sylph, Lightning guides the group till they reach the middle of some giant forest infested of demons. (take into consideration that a few hrs went by) At some point, Lightning states that he's having some trouble tracking the "signal" of his sylph. So the group pauses for a while. During this time, they have some talk. Suguro watches Rin and can't help but notice how he's been awfully quiet and collected since Yukio's escape. Suguro remembers when Rin tried to "cheer him up" back when they discovered Shima was a spy. So he walks toward Rin and tries to comfort him (also to repay him for his help). At first, Rin doesn't open up but at some point , he snaps and screams out what it's really troubling him.

Of all things, he feels like he just hasn't done enough. He knew that Yukio was hiding something, but he never did enough to prove him that he could be considered someone to count on. When Yukio screamed to him to stay out of the way (back when the agents were arresting him) and seconds later "confirmed" that the Grigori's accuse was right, Rin, for the first time, felt like he couldn't recognize his own brother. Rin blames himself that things turned that way. He was so shocked he could do nothing but watch his brother been taken away. Meanwhile, Lightning heard it all from where he's standing. He's stricken by Rin's words and his genuine show of humanity (something which Lightning loves). Rin is so in the mood to share his feelings that he ends up mentioning that lil "argument" over the truth behind his and Yukio's birth that the bros had days before. At this point, Rin mentions that, even if he feels sorry for Yukio... he has a reason for not wanting to touch that matter. Lightning can't help but walk toward him and pry: "What do you mean...?"

Flashback time: back when he was a kid, after Yukio enquired for yet another time his and his brother's birth circumstances, Rin accidentally heard Shiro talk over the phone to someone. Shiro says something like "I want you to get rid of any information about it. Don't keep it hidden, simply destroy it. Yeah... He keeps asking about it. And we can't risk that one day HE finds out the truth. Yukio MUST NOT ever know!"

Rin didn't know what Shiro was really talking about, but the serious look over his face made him believe it was something quite terrible. So, through not feeding Yukio's curiosity, he was somehow trying to protect Yukio, in his own way. Lightning's eyes literally widen. Eventually, the sylph starts giving off his signal again. But at some point, the signal stops moving. The group reaches the area but... only the sylph is found there. Everyone assumes that Yukio got rid of it and run away. With no clues as to which way he may have run to, the group has no choice but to make its way back to the Academy.

Meanwhile, Shura, who was left in the Academy, paid a visit to the medical equipe which was running the daily tests on Yukio... She asks one of the doctors to do her a lil favor... and to keep it a secret.

Miwa and Lightning go to report to the Grigori. After they're done, Lightning departs from Miwa and uses a key to access a special room... and... Yukio's there! --- The special room is located in a place that Mephisto's power should not be able to reach (or possesses a special aura that keeps it from being "sensed" by him *insert what you prefer* I imagine something like a room the Vatican HQ used in a very far past, before Mephisto joined the Order. They used to use it in order to discuss special matters w/out the risk of being "heard" or "seen" by the Ba'al. Ok... *insert what you prefer*). As Lightning walks toward Yukio, we discover that Lightning "slipped" a copy of that key into one of Yukio's pockets back when he helped him run away from the agents. With something like a flashback, we're shown the moment Lightning told Yukio he got a plan to help him escape. He summoned the sylph and simply whispered Yukio to let it guide him. The sylph showed Yukio the way to a safe place with an abandoned building, he then used the key to enter that room. The sylph separated from him and hid itself in the forest, where Rin and co. found it.

Lightning and Yukio share a long talk. Lightning asks Yukio if it's true that he's developing some demonic power, as the Grigori states. Yukio answers that he's not sure. Lightning notices a weird look on Yukio's face. He then asks Yukio why he wants to investigate the Blue Night. Yukio is taken aback but this question. Lightning then asks if what Yukio is really interested in is uncovering the truth behind his and his brother birth. At first, Yukio doesn't say anything. Then, he states that he thinks it's only natural wanting to know something like that. Especially in his and Rin's case. At this point, Lightning looks into Yukio's eyes and asks him if he craves power. Yukio is in shock. Lightning keeps up his inquiry and asks him if he's actually envious of his brother (and HIS power). Still more shock for Yukio. He finally asks him: "Why are you so shocked? Maybe I asked the wrong question... Let me try again... Is it actually his DEMONIC side what you're envious of or... maybe it's his HUMAN side?". *dun dun dun* I expect Lightning to laugh loud and hard after this, just to break the tension of the moment. He finally tells Yukio that, unfortunetely, he can't allow Yukio to help him out with the Blue Night investigation. Yukio is like: "WHAT??" (obviously, Lightning wants to keep Yukio away from the truth because of what Rin said during their previous mission. All he knows, is that Shiro wanted Yukio to absolutely stay away of it. Lightning doesn't know why, but wants to find out on his own) For the time being, Lightning tells Yukio to stay hidden in the special room. Yukio tries to argue, but Lightning approaches the door and makes his leave. --- A couple days pass by, and Rin and friends got to take care of some minor tasks, like dispatch some low level demons. They're sometimes dispatched to check on the barriers. No big missions at all. One day Rin stops by the supply's shop for an order he's been sent to pick up and has a chat with Shiemi. There're no news about Yukio, but even if the rescue mission was a total failure, Mephisto somehow managed to get the Grigori to leave it on stand by. Lately the barriers had been quite unstable, so all the exorcists were requested to not leave the Academy and to be prepared to take care of any slip off. Shiemi believes that Yukio is allright and tries to confort Rin. After a while, Shiemi accompanies Rin to the exit of the shop. Amaimon is watching the scene from a distance. Lightning is wondering around the cram school corridors with a bag when he's approached by Suguro. The guy has no doubts that his "master" is keeping Yukio hidden somewhere and says it aloud. Lightning smiles and asks him to not make such accusations so lighly in the middle of the place where they were standing. Suguro peeks over his own shoulder to verify if anyone is watching em. Lightning asks him to relax and simply states that everything's under control. He adds that even their investigation about the Blue Night may be approaching his final stage very soon. He then resumes walking. Suguro asks him where is he going and Lightning answers that he got an appointment with a certain someone. As Lightning is walking past Suguro, he peeks at the bag for a sec and notices something (in particular, that there're 2 hamburgers, but we're not shown this). Lightning gave Suguro a hint on purpose.

Flashback right after Lightning has made his report to the Grigori with Miwa and before he goes to see Yukio in the room where he's keeping him hidden: while he's walking out of HQ, Lightning takes his leave from Miwa and is approached by Shura who tells him he got something to talk to him about. They walk into a special room, which Shura opens with one of her keys. She then throws a few papers over a table placed in front of her. The papers are copies of Yukio's tests proving that nothing's wrong with the results and he's 100% still human. Shura throws over the same table a copy of the test proving that Yukio got something off in the map of his genes (the copy which the Grigori agents were talking about when they accused him).

To be sure, after Yukio ran away when the agents tried to arrest him, Shura walked back to the dorms in search of some samples she could use in order to run a new test. She handed the samples to a couple medical equipe doctors of her trust (from two different branches than the Japan's) and got from both of em the same results. Yukio got nothing demonic in his body. But... as Lightning is watching the papers... something on the copy testifying that Yukio got some demonic genes catches his attention. Right beneath Yukio's generalities is written: 005. *dun dun dun* Lightning checks the same data on all the other copies provided from Shura. But... that single data is not present in neither of em. Those particular numbers remind him of something... and a flashback plays in his mind. While Shura is still talking, she catches a glimpse of the mutated expression over Lightning's face. Before she can ask him something, Lightning asks her if she can do him a favor. Flashback's over. Lightning reaches a door and opens it. Yukio is sitting on the floor, bracing his own legs, apparentely sleeping. Lightning walks toward him and puts the bag right beside him, picking something up from it. The sound of the plastic bag awakens Yukio. Lightning flashes him a smile and sits right in front of him, across of him. Yukio says nothing. Lightning unfolds the hamburger he retrieved from the bag and starts eating it. The room is hot (it's a special room w/out any windows or air vent valves). Yukio stares at the bag and notices that there's an other hamburger in it, which Lightning brought for him, alongside some change of clothes (which he states had Suguro wash, so they were clean). Lightning asks Yukio if he got a chance during the last days to cool off his mind (then he laughs at his own words. Afterall, that room was WAY too hot to help cool anything). Yukio says nothing. After a while, he starts talking.

Yukio recalls the time when Rin acknowledged himself as the son of Satan (after the fight with the Impure King). That was the moment a painful realization played in his mind: no matter all he ever accomplished throughout his life, in the end Yukio didn't know who he was. No matter what, he was still unable to define his own identity. Lightning listens to his words, and after a while states that, for starters, that's one thing he can say he is for sure: a human. Yukio's expression slightly changes. Lightning adds that the answer to what he was looking for is right beneath his eyes, he just can't see it.

Lightning tells Yukio that he's lived his whole life trapped in the middle of his human and "demonic" side. So he thinks that Yukio can take his next advice for good. Finding one's own identity is about looking at something from more than a single point of view. And if one is unable to do it on its own, then it takes someone who helps you enlarge your vision. Lightning is sure that even Rin was helped by someone to reach his realization (in fact, thinking about Shiemi and the others helped him). Lightning says that even him was helped to pick which side to fight for from someone. His grandfather. At this point, Lightning starts asking Yukio about Shiro and if he trusted him. In the end, Lightning asks Yukio if he would be willing to give up finding out about his past in order to find out who he really is. --- An other day at the cram school. Rin is walking along a corridor when he's approached by Lightning. Lightning tells him that he was just looking for him. The Grigori assigned Lightning the task to fill a record about Yukio so Lightning thought that Rin, being his brother, could help him gather some data. Rin freezes in place. Lightning tries to break his tension stating that he just needs to ask him some minor questions. They reach a cafeteria. Rin asks how the investigation is going (Lightning has been assigned exclusively to the case after the rescue mission) but Lightning keeps it vague. Rin is visibly worried. Lightning starts asking him about the data he needed in order to fill the last of the record.

The questions range from Yukio's shoe size, his diopters, his favorite color, his favorite manga genre, his fav pastimes, his type of girl... (Rin can't help but wonder how these infos can help with the investigation at all)... and in the end... his favorite food. At this, Rin answers that Yukio's fav food is sashimi. Lightning's lil grin turns into a big smile and he states that he'd like to have some of that. He adds that he heard from Suguro that Rin is a good cook, so he'd like Rin to personally cook him some sashimi. And since he's feeling particularly hungry, he'd like to have TWO rations of it. At this, Rin takes a better look at Lightning's expression and doesn't fail to notice the lil grin the man flashes him. Rin instantily realizes what Lightning is indirectly trying to tell him... Finally feeling reassured after having been worried about Yukio's whereabouts for the last days, Rin smiles himself and offers Lightning to cook him some sashimi back in the dorms.

That same evening, Lightning reaches the secret room where Yukio is hiding. As he enters it, he states that he got somthing delicious for him to eat. Yukio is looking a whole lot better now, also wearing the change of clothes that Lightning brought him. Before handing him the bag he's carrying, Lightning asks him if he's still sure about the plan they're putting up. Yukio straight answers that he's ready to set it into motion, his eyes full of confidence. At this, Lightning puts the bag next to Yukio. He states that he thought Yukio might have grown tired of those hamburgers, so he got him something more of his taste. Yukio opens the bag to catch the sight of a familiar bento box...

#blue exorcist #ao no exorcist #yukio okumura #rin okumura #blue exorcist theories #ao no exorcist theories #my theories

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grizzlefur · 7 years

Text

WWEm - Nobody Calls Dean McFly a Nerd

Transmission date: Monday 18/Tuesday 19 September 2017

Yeah, I said this would be 'punctual' and 'up a decent amount of time before the PPV', but hey

i was ill, and also you're not the boss of me

(unless you are)

(in which case my salary hasn't been coming in and we need to talk)

so without any further ado (just kidding, this is gonna be ado city right here) i present to you SATURDAY AFTERNOON RAW!

(yeah, you thought it was gonna be sunday, didn't you?)

(daniel did)

(he was super unprepared and is currently eating lunch in his booth)

(it looks delicious)

(bastard)

ahem

yes

wrestles?

opening on an in memoriam for bobby heenan

aww

we're in san jose

i should be able to make some kind of sport joke there but i can't find it

anyway, here's kurt

apparenrtly we have two matches at no mercy that are mania-worthy

casual shade at the rest of the card there

kurt says that's not all, and now here's the miz

with his bros, but not his wife

oh yeah, she's pregnant

that makes sense

boo for the next year or so when i don't get to steal her style ideas

miz, meanwhile, is wearing black trousers and a white jacket and growing a shitty beard

the single look doesn't suit you, mike

he's complaining that he doesn't have a match at mercy

kurt's like dude i was just saying that

jordan/elias/hardyz in a four-way tonight for a shot at him

miz complains that kurt puts his son in the match ahead of his super-qualified and totally legit hangers-on

kurt has had enough of your tone, young man

miz gives him a lecture about responsible fatherhood

see how kurt isn't beating the shit out of him, shane?

this is called being a responsible employer

miz fucked up his words at least twice while i was writing that last sentence

get it together, dude

anyway, here's jj to step to him

and defend his dad's honour

in a new magic eye singlet

i think he's secretly dressed as a tractor

jj asks kurt to put curtis and bo in the match so miz can shut the fuck up

never gonna work, dude

miz says one more thing about his father

gets fucked on, as promised

booker gives sage words about how jj needs to control his temper

dude, did you watch your entire fucking career

for example, jason has never dropped an n-bomb on air

later tonight we have brock and braun being interviewed (bad) and roman giving an address (worse)

but next, alexa/nia

brilliant shot of them walking backstage

alexa's expression of barely-restrained terror sells it

but first have this advert for cena/reigns

because god knows we haven't talked about it enough

back to jj backstage

as kurt storms in to tell him to calm down and focus

jason responds by ranting about what everyone thinks of him

dude, this is the opposite of calm and focus

kurt talks some fatherly shit at him, boils down to #hatersgonnahate

tells him to win the match

bet he never thought of that

but actually now, here's alexa

doing her best 'ignoring the proles but also lowkey bricking it' face

and also nia

bell rings, alexa runs away

like you thought it'd go any other way

eventually gets back in the ring, gets dicked on for a while before trying to talk nia down

and running away again

heads up the ramp, headed off by sasha

and then nia flattens her

(alexa, that is)

sasha's just lurking at ringside like oh hey there

alexa totally just hit a curbstomp on nia

i thought we banned that

alexa sets up on the top rope, goes for a crossbody, gets samoan dropped to death

sasha attacks nia after the pin, gets fucked on

and oh hey, bayley's back

somewhere, emma is just like yknow what i'm good

the three of them face off against nia and take her down

oh my god, i would watch the shit out of sasha, bayley and alexa as the shield

#extremefantasybooking

nia leaves, bayley extravagantly hugs everyone

they both raise alexa's arm, then remember who she is and bayley suplexes her into oblivion

i really should have seen this coming what with it being san jose

+10 hometown boost

cole recommends we go to wwenetworkrightnow.com

someone needs to learn how web addresses work

and also hypes kevin/shane in a cell

which...no

and gameplay ad for 2k18

ooh, it's got billie in

i'll probably play it, but not preorder this one

destiny 2 and injustice 2 exist, along with others

ad for total bellas, which looks less good

and a package of wrestling peeps eulogising heenan

apparently we're gonna get more of those throughout the show

cole tries to do heenan banter, corey shuts him the fuck down

and now, a video package about brock

god, i hate ppv setup shows

this is all footage from 2002

transition straight into mania 30 without a AND THEN HE BROKE HIS FUCKING NECK title card

and along came a strowman

okay, i will never not giggle at the announce table sandwich spot

paul claims that was the first time in brock's life he got carted off the battlefield

see above, re: BROKE HIS FUCKING NECK

this package has just reminded me of luke harper's existence

what happened to him?

internet says him and rowan are still signed, but little else

anyway, package is over, here comes cesaro

and also his best bro

i will never get over their fusion dance pose

actual fact

they're up against the good brothers, who are still jobbing wherever possible because we saw the shit that happens when they get to main even

ad for smackdown, which i am super unhyped for

the aftermath of vince 'blading is awful unless it's me' mcmahon

let's see how that trash fire goes later

sheamus wants to talk to us about nostalgia

and also about how he clearly doesn't understand the difference between sequels and remakes

conclusion: fuck nostalgia

and here come the kkb to fuck it for us

apparentliy seth and dean are both exploiting each other

cesaro responds to what chants by repeating the same phrase half a dozen times

which is kind of great

wait, sheamus has mtn dew and liverpool fc patches

now i need to study the rest of both of their jackets

anyway, they finish their usual proclamations, and now here are seth and dean

seth describes them as like if taxi driver and braveheart had a really ugly baby

seems legit

although i don't love the 'yeah but you look dumb' retort

they talk about brothers a bunch, gives anderson and gallows a perfect chance to cut in

and call seth and dean nerds

seth's like oh no dude you shouldn't have said that

dean is not happy

nobody calls dean mcfly a nerd

cue brawl

ending with seth and dean in the ring and everybody else outside like bwaaaaaahhhhh next time gadget

but fuck that shit, here's an ad for asuka

meanwhile, kurt has once again taken the path of least resistance and made this into a triple threat

expect spots, shenanigans, and a champion win

cesaro and sheamus 100% just kicked gallows in the dick

ref like whatevs i'll allow it

book talks about the good brothers not finding their footing in wwe, cole's like ummmmm dude they were tag champs

this match is primarily seth and dean and the kkb doing rapid tags and good wrestling and anderson and gallows being like yessir we are also here

oh hey, anderson tagged in

had to happen evetually, i guess

cole almost calls gallows 'the big dog', catches himself in time

accidental double hot tag takes us to seth/cesaro, and frankly the other four can go home

weird spot where seth goes for his turnbuckle bomb then has to redirect halfway through to not throw cesaro into anderson and gallows' corner

seth eats a magic killer, dean breaks the pin only to get thrown into a barricade by the kkb

someone in the ring just shouted "sports entertainment!" and i don't know in what context

sheamus and cesaro do their flapjack cutter, then both forget who's legal and roll out of the ring, then both run back in and go for the tag at the same time

with cesaro doing the pin and sheamus just holding seth's right calf

is this a fucking laurel and hardy movie

and then anderson forgets how to set up a superplex

-checks the headlines for an epidemic of fail ravaging san jose-

double double suicide dives from seth and dean

next up in 'spots that make not a single fucking lick of sense when you think about them'...

whatever the good brothers are good at, it's not selling when they take a suicide dive

sheamus blind tags off dean, dean hits dirty deeds on anderson, sheamus steals the pin

would you look at that, a champion victory on a ppv setup show

cole started a sentence with "The Bar claims...", i totally hear the barsgays

cesaro poses on the ramp, sheamus hobbles off backstage, seth and dean don't give a shit

but nowthe miz rallies his troops in the locker room

(if you know what i mean)

bo interrupts like dude i used to do motivational speeches can i criticise your technique

bo and curtis give their cvs, throw some casual shade on their boss

realistically, why is matt hardy in that match?

the others have at least been winning a bunch lately or have had their boss shouting at the gm

has kurt been hassled by seven deities

this video from mania 21 brought to you by pizza hut

ok, but...why?

yes, edge won the first mitb

why are you telling us this now

okay, nobody knows

cole does an awkward segue into cena/reigns

corey forgets how to speak english

don't worry dude, attempting to hype roman reigns matches does that to me too

and now enjoy this video package of the parallel histories of john cena and roman reigns

i remember when there was live wrestling on this show, not like 80% clip shows

(yup, turns out i still hate ppv setup shows)

(however much of a tire fire smackdown is, at least it won't be a ppv setup show)

i really don't get why they can say bitch on the live shows but then censor it out of the video packages

okay, even in retrospect this cena promo was fire

and straight from that into an advert for vince's totally legit head injury

back in the real world (ha), kurt is on the phone

he certainly spends a lot of time on that phone

which is...an accurate representation of management, i guess

kudos, dubby dubby wee

+0.01 reality points

(current score: -89887452.99)

pan over to goldust standing inches from a poster with his back to the room

and then he turns round without paint on

whaaaaaaat

and the bodysuit undone partly as well

he wants another shot against bray in his real face

which raises the question: if he wins, why was the paint there in the first place

some kind of anime power limiter?

leaves, then pops back in to snap in kurt's face as usual

but in the ring, it's curt hawkins

woo

he's closed the star factory

and replaced it with the curt hawkins history machine

huh?

he's going to make history by ending his 114-match loss streak

well, that makes sense i guess

at least he's aware of his failings

and here comes apollo crews

the apathy is just rolling in off the crowd in waves

titus is here too

corey is either listing the current roster of titus worldwide or naming random celebrities

hard to tell

apollo shows off all the athleticism and none of the charisma, as ever

curt actually gets a nearfall, which is good for him

ticker advertises raw next week for 'ontario, CA'

ok, a) CA is a real state abbreviation, and b) ontario is big

unless it's going to be on the road through ontario in some kind of epic monday night raw travelling roadshow

i'd watch it

anyway, while i was distracted by the ticker, apollo won

i love how his 115-match streak gets an onscreen graphic

up next, brock and braun talk

sigh

after a small dancing child with cancer

it's an ad, ftr

not dolph trying another new gimmick

great, here they are

complete with paul growing out of brock's left shoulder

long beat before paul remembers his client can't talk until at least halfway through the segment

got to pace himself

braun: "My actions speak for my words!"

...i got nothin

some next-level uplit glower coming from braun though

which i just read back as 'quilt glamour'

next big aesthetic of 2017

this lighting makes braun's tattoos look like absolute shit

i'd provide a pic, but then i'd have to keep looking at them as i tracked one down

just trust me

i think it's the combination of veins and scar tissue

the way this shot is arranged, brock looks like an uncomfortable child as his parents argue over his head

paul decides cole's interview displeases him, so he's writing his own

tbf, cole is entirely unnecessary in this situation

yay, brock's warmed up

leans into camera, and the scale difference makes him and paul look like an 80s album cover

oh hey, brock got to do a mild swear

quick, let's censor it out of all future broadcasts

and the segment's over

thank god

and next...roman delivers a message

OH, FOR FUCK'S SAKE

after these recaps of the women's title happenings

yeah, primarily making me double down on the fact that a women's trios competiton would be rad

and they've added bayley to the no mercy match?

for reasons

emma complains on twitter, and she's kind of right

but now (sigh) roman reigns

the presence of roman has made cole forget what time of year it is

he is just a well of negative thought

standard loooooooong-ass beat before he talks

opens by bigging up cena's talking skills

maybe a bad start

and then probably swears? the tape delay caught it

namechecks alex riley as the boring white version of himself

which is...fair, tbh

calls cena a bitch again, take a shot as you despair for the writers' lack of better material

rolls a vt from 20fucking12

of cena basically having the same problem with the rock as roman has with cena

the main difference being i don't want to punch past cena in the face rn

the real angle we want to see is cena v past cena

get on it, r&d

roman calls cena out for not being here today

is smug af

halfway decent promo, but tbh most of the good bits were shamelessly ripped from cena material

which, hey, steal from the best

in any case, he's gone

but now, renee interviews the hardyz

asks them how they're going to deal with fighting each other in the 6-pack

they're both like welp, it's kind of what we do

matt does the broken accent for one line, everyone pops

and wyatt cut

i like to think matt is still in full flow and just hasn't realised the cameras are off

but yeah, here's bray

and here's a total bellas ad

strong juxtaposition

and also an asuka ad

led with a quote from fucking sun tzu

excuse me while i sigh so hard my lungs collapse

they're on a big push in china

so someone must have realised it isn't the same country as japan

and yet

this summerslam recap slideshow is mostly a chance for bray's music to keep playing so we can here the full track

which is fucking great

and here's

dustin rhodes

the dramatic renaming is slightly let down by the fact that both his tron and the fucking clothes he's wearing say GOLDUST in big letters

could they not have just put him in some generic gear for this match

cole has clearly just ctrl+f'd his internal monologue, and now he's awkwardly calling dustin rhodes by his full name at every opportunity

but yeah, if you were trying to be the man behind the gimmick, why would you still be wearing the hey-look-at-my-junk bodysuit?

pins bray in the corner ropes, kicks him twice in the inner thigh (honestly officer), and then eats a sister abigail for the pin anyway

cue finn on the tron

dustin can't even have this loss to himself

finn is here to tell a story about his youth

in the form of the next big YA novel

i would totally read a novel series anbout a fictionalised finn bálor

finn points out that even the man behind the demon is a man who made himself a demon

so not exactly harmless

reason 1745 i love finn bálor: understanding of symbology

after this bobby heenan memorial, enzo will be here

so i kind of hope it lasts half an hour

and now the announce team awkwardly eulogise some more

and cut to a video package of his greatest moments

this is about 409000% better than enzo turning up

oh fuck, here he is

i am loving the number of boos he's getting

oh thank fuck here comes braun our lord and saviour to bodycheck him into the underworld

casually chucks him into the ring over the top rope from the floor

san jose loves him

spinebuster to death, then powerslam out the other side

walks off, neville turns up while he's halfway up the ramp

gives the angry giant a wide berth

and red arrows enzo for shits

demands a mic, does enzo's shuffle and how you doin', leaves

and san jose fucking loves him

beating up enzo is not good for your heel heat

oh wait, apparently he's sticking around for a fight

after this ad for smackdown

and this recap vt of enzo getting dunked on

cut to charly interviewing enzo in the trainer's room

he's like woe is me i am dead

but btw i'm still gonna win on sunday

but in any case, now it's neville v gran metalik

rip el rey de las cuerdas

neville tears his mask open

ooooooooooooh

-shocked silence-

metalik responds with a lovely step-up tope

neville intercepts a moonsault into the rings of saturn, successfully stands up to lucha rage

and now after beating enzo, he's painted a huge target on his back for every luchador in the company

but now a hispanic heritage month thing about jennifer lopez

for whatever reason

it's worth noting that we're halfway through september, and wwe hasn't mentioned it until they have time to fill on a ppv setup show

one ad for 205 later, here's elias to open the main event reunion tour

he is disappointed in san jose

but also in all his opponents, so there's that

threatens a child in the audience that he'll get them and their mother kicked out of san jose

do...do wrestlers have that power?

and here's a diss track about his opponents and also btw san jose

interrupted by the hardyz before he can get to their verse

ooh, jeff's gone back to his old pre-mermaid arms sleeves

in all their improbable glory

and curtis and bo don't even have their own entrance any more

oh, and they get their boss to come with them

well, i guess he'd be coming on announce or w/e anyway

ok, no, he's just gonna lurk

and commence huge brawl

someone's brought miz his studio chair for ringside

brief moment where it looks like the heels are all going to work together, then elias is like ohhhh wait i'm a huge dick -kicks bo in the kidneys-

incredibly slow tower of doom setup for the hardyz to suplex the miztourage superplexing jj

elias goes for the cheap pin, jeff breaks it

and then elias eats a poetry in motion for good measure

matt then immediately turns on his brother, side effect for a nearfall

jj deploys approximately 63% of the world's suplexes, miz throws him into the audience because no rules motherfuckers

matt twist of fates bo for a nearfall, broken by elias

who then hits drift away on matt, pin broken by jeff

crotch drops elias, swantons axel, miz breaks the pin

and jj hits kind of a meh neckbreaker for the cheap pin

insistent crowd member with an I PAID TO SEE DANA BROOKE sign

oh, honey

miz comes into the ring to sarcastically applaud jj

and then tries to punch him and gets suplexed to death

until curtis and bo come in to kick some shit out of him

and finale

and some post-beatdown smacktalk from the miz

calls him a bastard, which we can get away with when it's used in its technical sense

and fade on the twat triumphant

(my new feminist porn site)

...

that's the worst joke i've ever made on here

i am sorry

right, this is normally where i would roll on to smackdown

but, while i do have a weekly quota of sweaty men falling over, it's about to be filled by the new season of strictly

i have diverse interests

so until i get back, here's a line to tide you over

----------------------------------

damn, that was a good line

and if anyone was expecting another kind, you are seriously overestimating our budget here

so failing that, how about some SUNDAY AFTERNOON SMACKDOWN?

(yeah, no mercy starts in like nine and a half hours)

(this whole punctuality thing was never going to take)

so yes

do the show

oh god this is going to be the vince mcmahon drama hour, isn't it

now lasting two hours

raw was mostly bullshit, expect this to be bullshit for other reasons

oh hey, let's kick off with a recap of the whole angle

if you can't remember what happened, read this blog more carefully?

really can't help you with that

oh hey, i want to punch vince in the throat again

funny how quickly that comes back

they've put so much reverb and filters on this audio that kevin is basically unrecognisable

his name is legion

ok, yeah, i'll never not pop for vince getting the shit kicked out of him really

we're in oakland today, so [topical joke about the a's]

and opening with some shane

commence the dramening

whoever designed the graphics for hiac this year needs to calm the fuck down

HANDS AND SKULLS ALL HANDS AND SKULLS HANDS OPENING A SKULL HELL IN A CEEEEEEEEEEELL

apparently vince had three fractured ribs

and shane is now here to sing his praises and how much he loves him

one day they'll work out what they want the image of the mcmahon family to be

shane condemns kevin to hell in the cell [sic]

work out the name of your show, dude

HANDS AND SKULLS AND FIIIIIIIIIRE

okay, now i need to calm down

but later tonight in other angles, corbin/styles for the concept of an open challenge

but next, randy

come back shane, all is forgiven

well

most is forgiven

but first, have this ad for cena/reigns

again

i miss creepy cheerleader cult alexa

oh, and here's aiden english

guess we know what randy's here for

sweet lennon shades, dude

aiden provides his own dubiously-scanning version of randy's music

calls him a tool, gets a massive pop

keep the faith, oakland

shot of the announce table reminds me once more of the a+ announce team on here

and here's randy

oh look, still a tool

"this could be a well-laid plan by aiden english...or it could be a crucifixion"

byron saying what we're all thinking

my money's in column b

guy at the front of the round with a kane sign is either slightly ahead of events or significantly behind

we will see tonight

aiden takes a backbreaker on the barricade, then slams randy into the announce table anyway

nice to see him get some solid offence

still gonna lose, but

gets a thumb to randy's eye while he argues with the ref

adding randy to the calm the fuck down list

and then counters a top rope crossbody into a shoddy-ass rko

handy slowmo replay of the shittiness of that finisher

oh hey, here's rusev to defend the honour of musical theatre

or possibly to recover his honour in the eyes of the noble people of bulgaria

or to...rip randy's teeth out?

esoteric threat there

randy agrees to the match, then immediately gets momentarily distracted by aiden and kicked in the face for the pin

rusev then runs off up the ramp instead of getting down to tooth-ripping

i'm simultaneously disappointed and thankful

stands on the stage, rejoices at his reclaimed honour

oh, but tom has news

kevin will be here via satellite

from the next room

seems inefficient, but hey

tradition

also tonight, charlotte's back to talk about her dad

but now, here's jinder

walking backstage sharing smug stories with his crew

and he'll be here after this ad for kids with cancer

what's the opposite of an ad?

an avert?

but then it'd just be an a

appropriately for oakland i guess

BOOOOOOOM SPORTS JOKE

damn, i'm good

ad for total bellas, and now rusev is freaking out backstage

renee comes to interview him, has to immediately explain the word 'elated'

rusev is off back to bulgaria to be a hero again

but now, here are the singhs and their amazing alveolar trills

and also their boss

in a possibly ill-advised spotted shirt

or maybe i just spend too much time critiquing wrestlers' fashion choices

jinder is doubling down on mocking shinsuke's face

this is the most incisive and well-written angle

the singhs are continuing to find jinder's jokes more hilarious than is healthy

and now jinder's getting at the crowd for being racist against japanese people?

sure, dude

they've spun a really long mic spot out of one pic of shinsuke and a bunch of racism

oh, and there's the japanese people can't say /l/ joke

credit to oakland for all just going oooooooooh there

this is genuinely breathtakingly racist

crowd start a that's too far chant

p sure he crossed that line weeks back, but welcome to the party

we have whisky and non-discriminatory humour

does some ranting in punjabi to 3% of the people of his alleged country, end segment

the announcers are all like yeah, that was a bit much

let's move on and try to forget that

up next, corbin/styles

in the allegedly open title challenge

after this repeat of the video about j-lo off raw

remember last year when they did the whole month of different latinx people?

but sure

but now, renee interviews shinsuke

who's like yeah that jinder's a funny guy -lowkey furious-

and then leaves

and here's aj

and a replay of styles/dillinger last week

that was a good match

aj has thoughts about kevin/shane

he thinks kevin shouldn't be messing with the man who brought aj to the wwe and started smackdown live

remember mania?

but now to talk shit about "shortcut king" baron

and list his recent failures

(which are hilarious)

and here comes the dick himself

with his new intro i still don't quite get

corey is talking shit about baron for seeing the us belt as a trophy

which...it is?

gregg mentions aj's weight, and i get briefly distracted by the fact that he'd only need to cut a few pounds to be a cruiserweight and how good aj/cedric would be

anyway, while i thought about that, baron attacked aj before the bell, leading tye to run in and take the fight to him

refs have removed tye, but baron's selling a fucked leg

so aj puts him in the calf crusher as well, cos why wouldn't you

hit aj's music, guess the thing's over

with baron rolling around at ringside going OW MY LEG

we get it, dude

but up next, charlotte

after pizza hut gives us a random clip of the past

this time, it's mitb 2011

i have no fucking clue what rationale they pick these clips on

but hey, it's nice to watch bryan win things

and here's baron hobbling around backstage

renee comes to interview him, he screams about feeling violated

not sure that was where you wanted to go with that, dude

swears vengeance, end thing

and here's charlotte

in street clothes

and oh look, she and her dad have written a book and it's out today

such coincidence

remember when charlotte was meant to be her own thing distinct from her family?

she's here to thank everyone for their tweets and positive energy

or possibly thoughts and prayers

the former seems more likely these days

but ric is apparently going to be ok, so i can resume talking shit about him without feeling bad about it

one day he'll die and i'll feel momentarily bad for all the crap i've said about him before going on with my life

charlotte has learnt an important lesson about the fragility of life and shit

and here's nattie to be insensitive

she's like cool your dad's ok but let's talk about the important shit

nattie is hosting wwe's first ever celebration of women?

it's totally a thing they should do

but we have a heel doing it, so this is going to be shitty

okay, yeah, it's going to be celebrating all women by looking at nattie in particular

because we're all basically her

charlotte's just like yeah whatever i want a title shot

good shutdown

and here's becky to be sarcastic

in a really nice waistcoat

and also challenge for the title

oh, and here's naomi

who can imagine why

in an enormous white pimp robe

sure

i take it back

an enormous multicoloured pulsing pimp robe

she doesn't even get to say she wants a shot before tamina and lana cut in

lana's here to talk about how bitches ain't shit and her client deserves a shot

so nattie has a tantrum outside the ring about all these women overshadowing her celebration of women

here's noted non-woman daniel bryan to weigh in

making the main event a four-way for a title shot

remember when there was more than one angle in the division?

of course you don't

never happened

and up next, new day/hype bros

the building may explode with enthusiasm

after this ad for brock/braun, at least

back in the room, the bros are already here

and the usos are on announce

lovely shot of someone in the crowd joining in with the new day intro but forgetting how many times they've been champs

loving all the match card graphics, where big e is totally doing his best broken matt hardy

meanwhile in the match, mojo steals e's ab stretch spank thing

but yeah, they've announced new day/usos rematch at hiac

like anyone didn't know that was coming

e takes a broski boot, kofi shows he can fuck a team up on his own

zack tries for a rollup, eats a midnight hour for the pin

usos front, new day party, end thing

but now let's go back to the mcmahon drama

leading with a recap of vince getting beat on

and now here's kevin via satellite from what looks like a high school theatre supplies room

still life with canadian, spotlight and big red square, 2017

kevin is sorry for what he did, but it's all shane's fault for making him want to do it

claims to have nothing but respect for vince

he's also apologising in advance for the carnage at hiac

and maintaining that he's the good guy here

end thing

have a graphic for the women's four-way

and an ad for john cena's superhero body spray

which you should not attempt

and now here are the hype bros backstage

mojo is tired of losing all the time

proposes drastic action

but now here's dolph

presumably to complain about gimmicks

which he's made into its own gimmick, so it's only a matter of time before wrestling collapses in on itself

and then i'll have to watch scandinavian crime dramas for this blog or something

daniel's ears pricked up at that

i told you, no cable knit jumpers in my studio

in any case, dolph is now being hhh

"Was that fun? Can I run NXT now?"

and now he has more things

corey is filled with rage and despair

and now he's hbk

except modern hbk

hat and flares, no shades or weird bondage vest

oakland is united in wanting him to do cm punk

dolph ziggler, celebrity impressionist

dolph rants some more, goes back out

and now he's in dx

remember when we had cumbersome overlays as part of entrances

i kind of love it

the dx music is still great, too

dolph rails against dx trying to stay relevant, despite the fact that they haven't been since the late 90s

shouts at the crowd for not appreciating the craft

and he doesn't care about the crowd

cares enough to choreograph numerous elaborate entrances with costumes and props and shit, but hey

and then wanders off

is this going anywhere in particular, or is it just that we had some time to fill?

announce team move swiftly on to hyping no mercy

but next, main event

i'm not optimistic for the chances of the one heel in this match

especially because it's tamina, and she doesn't get to win things

after this ad for 2k18, in any case

back in the ring, becky's already here

but fuck that, let's have an ad for 205

oh, and tamina's already here too

becky at least got music

and here's naomi

showing us that enormous fur robes are actually really hard to dance in

i do like her mismatched eyeshadow though

charlotte's back in one of her dad's robes, which makes a certain amount of sense

i still miss peacock queen charlotte

oh, and lana's lurking at ringside

hadn't noticed

match starts, immediately go to a roman/cena ad

because why bother actually watching the main event

all three faces briefly team up to dunk on tamina, because why wouldn't you

naomi springboard crossbodies charlotte and becky simultaneously, cos she's great

pan out to nattie watching the match and looking smug

naomi gets her submission on charlotte, becky breaks it up so she can disarmher naomi

because submission wrestling goes so well in a four-way

charlotte spears tamina, it's pretty great

and then moonsaults her and naomi simultaneously

i talk a lot of shit about charlotte, but it's good to have her back

becky breaks a figure eight with a leg drop, which seems dangerous as fuck

everyone is dead

becky takes a samoan drop and then a splash from tamina, naomi breaks up the pin in a really cool way, lana pulls her out and gets fucked on, and then something i didn't quite catch put tamina down for a pin by charlotte

oh right

superkicked naomi, then took a big boot from charlotte

she does do a very big boot indeed

so yeah, charlotte/nattie at hiac

feel like we've seen this before

but hey, who am i to expect variation and originality in wrestling

and we fade on charlotte being like fuck yeah my dad isn't dead also something about a match

right, hopefully this'll get posted before no mercy

if it does, hmu on twitter @waruce if you don't already

but for now, i'm off to watch the rest of the week's wrestling before i run out of week

#WWE #WWE Raw #wwe smackdown #wre

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