#but I didnt and now I think one the teachers who I love hates me

[emails-i-cant-send]

today was like. kmsing on. kmsing cancelled. kmsing back on. kmsing cancelled. kmsing back on!!!

#este.txt #TOO MANY EMOTIONS #had an english assessment and if I had gone down or not gone up istg the world wouldve ended #everything was gonna be so over #but I went up sooooo #then I got accused of disrespecting a teacher in front of two other teachers #but I didnt and now I think one the teachers who I love hates me #and then I had a conference and toured a college #and my brain forgot what I want to do in college #like I completely went blank #then I remembered and my brain caled me dumb for not knowing EXACTLY what I want to do #like I'm stuck between 3 things #psychiatry graphic design and teaching #idk man #then I presented my projects and i was soooo fucking nervous #horrible experience #now i am home. #and i am upset again #tw sui joke

[bugboysgf]

Hate + Love

Chapter 2

series masterlist

Previous chapter

Summary: There is a thin line between love and hate but what if it's way thinner than you thought?

“Hi, im suppose to be tutoring somebody.” you told the lady at the front desk. The last 2 weeks had been stressful but out of extreme luck you managed to get all A’s but that also meant you had to tutor the people that were not doing so well in school.

“Oh yes, you must be Y/n.”

“I am.” you confirmed.

“Min Ho.” The lady calls his name and he jumps out of his seat.

“You gotta be kidding me.” you look at Min ho and he seems just as surprised as you are. “There has to be some sort of mistake, I can't tutor him.” the lady looks at her computer for a second and looks back at you.

“Sorry but there is a specific note from the teacher saying you can't switch.”

“What? Who wrote that.” you asked.

“It was your math teacher. Take a seat and get started.”

“I can't believe this.” you said sitting down.

“Do you think I want to do this? I have no choice.” Min ho rolled his eyes.

“Whatever can we just get started.”

After two hours tutoring you were done but to you i feel like 5 hours because every 10 minutes you and Min ho were arguing about something different.

“Thank you.” Min Ho says. You look at him in shock, you were never expecting those words to come out of his mouth.

“You have manners, I see. Can I get an apology too?” you asked hopefully.

“It happened almost 3 weeks ago, get over it.”

“God you're such a bitch.”

“Takes one to know one.”

—-

“We have Alex next.” Kitty said. “Oh my god we still have to walk up the stairs.” you said, you were tired already and it was only your 2 period.

“Do you want to go to a ramen place after the 5th period?” Kitty asked.

“Im Pretty sure I don't have to tutor today, so yes.”

“How is it? By the way, you are still not getting along.”

“Nope now i have to sit with him in alex class, because he wont let me change seats.” you rolled your eyes.

“Dude you have 4 months left until winter break, at least try to stop hating each other.”

“He's the problem, not me, he won't apologize. He said thank you yesterday when i tutored him but that's it.” you explained to Kitty. You honestly don't think that you and Minho would get along every chance he gets to make fun of you. He's gonna take it and you're tired of it.

“The problem is that you are both stubborn.” Kitty grabs the handle of the door and lets you into the class, she gives you a ‘be nice look’ and takes a seat.

You walked over to your seat and to your surprise Min Ho was already sitting down, he was always late. You take a seat and don't say a word to him.

“No greeting?” he asked

“What do you want?” you say in a cold tone.

“Woah, somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed today.” he smirks.

“I just don't have time for your bullshit today.”

Lucky Alex didn't have you guys do anything with your partner work today you didnt think you could handle it anyways.

You grabbed your things and stuffed them into your backpack.

“y/n?” you stopped in your tracks and looked at the guy that called your name. Minho also stopped and looks at him.

“Yes?” you look at him confused. You've never seen this guy in your life and you had no idea why he was talking to you.

“I'm Derek, I was just trying to see if i can get your number.” you look around to see if anybody was watching and behind him were his friends waiting to see your next move. You didn't want to seem stuck up or anything, so you just smiled and typed your number into his phone.

“Great, I'll text you.”

“Cool” you watch him walk away and turn to Min ho. “And why did you stay?”

“What does he want with you?” “What do you mean?”you asked, confused.

“His dad is literally a millionaire.”

“I honestly dont give two fuck about that.” you said.

“It had to be a dare.” Min ho shook his head.

“Oh really? Just because an attractive guy asked for my number that means it has to be a dare?” you said offended. Min ho knew he messed up, he always jokes around but he knew that what he said really affected you.

“That's not-”

“Save it.” you walked away.

—

For the next few weeks you continue talking to Derek, you thought he would be a jerk but turns out he wasn't. He was really nice and listened.

“Where are you going?” Min ho asked Q. “Oh the nature club is having a hike today.” Q said, putting on his shoes.

“Great i'll come” Min ho got up from the couch. “You can't.” Q said.

“Why?” “Club members only.” “Dude i went last time.” Q stayed silent and didn't say anything. “Unless you don't want me to go for some reason?” “It's not that I don't want you to go, it's just that y/n and Derek are going to be there and I don't want you messing it up for her. She told me what you said when he asked for her number.” Q confessed.

“That's not what I meant, I tried to tell her that.”

“You should have said it in the first place, are you jealous or something?” Q asked.

“What no… no”

“Yup that sounds so convincing.”

“I don't like her, I hate her.”

“You know, you can hate and love somebody at the same time.” Q said shutting the door.

Min ho stood there thinking there's no way that he loves y/n? He hates her too much.

#minho #min ho x reader #min ho x y/n #min ho x kitty #min ho #short story #neflix #Netflix x reader #xo kitty x reader #xo kitty #xo kitty fanfic #to all the boys trilogy #to all the boys series #sang heon lee x reader #sang heon lee

[multifandombullshitbabes]

21

24

27

And

30

LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

thank you so much, I shall answer these prompts NEOW

21: Fics you wish you could find more of?

Oooohhh more fics involving Gwen, that's for sure. When she's written right she's one of the strongest, most relatable characters imo, 'cause all she wants is for the world to be right and just and kind and everything wants to prove her wrong, but she won't back down from her views. I would also adore more Elyan, just in general. And complete rewrites of the show 'cause the one I'm reading right now is so good I might do one as well. Also modern au's where they're all like secret badass spies or smth, 'cause those are so fucking cool (i am accepting fic recs for ALL of this, please feed me y'all)

24: Everyone knows that fandom doesn’t like uther but what are your feelings about gaius?

I think 1) we need more concrete info about how he was when he was younger, but 2) i think he is severely complicated and wanted what was best of merlin and morgana, but failed the two while also giving them a ton of love. With morgana, he just didnt want her to pursue her power lest she become uther's next victim, cuz gaius cares for the pendragon siblings like his own. With merlin, he was just trying his best with his overpowered nephew, who alos has a destiny regarding his people's genocide's son, and he just doesn't know what to do half the time, kinda like merlin. I didnt like how he lied to merlin n morgana, how he gaslit her and how he made merlin hide and become so anxious abt his magic (and we see what that looks like season 5), but i get it. I really get it. I dont know what i wouldve done if one wrong move could mean the death of two kids he considers his own. I bet he was scared all the time and hated himself for it.

27: Modern Merlin headcanons, if any?

OH BOY. OHHHH BOY. So many. It really depends on what au i have for modern merlin, but I'll give you a few generals:

he's a teacher of sorts; i like the idea that he's kinda collecting magical anomalies and teaching them how to understand their powers and being, since he knows what its like to be afraid of urself, so he's a personal magic teacher. I also rly like my magic elementary school au, since its merlin teaching magic to a bunch of kids, which is adorable

he has officially one cat, a black one called Midnight, that accidentally became immortal along the way and now hes severally attached. I say officially since hes also friends with any other animal that he might come across and they recognise him if he passes them again. disney princess fr

he's figured out his gender and he can turn into a woman if he wants; she looks exactly like merlin, same height, same weight n muscles, the hair is longer cuz merlin likes it that way and her voice is deep and gorgeous

his favourite weapon is a staff or any long distance fighting weapon of the sort; also he looks cool as fuck fighting with it, but thats just a bonus

I'll stop here but i have SO MANY MORE

30: Side character death that makes you the maddest?

Elyan. There was, quite literally, no need for it. I was gonna say Lancelot, since we did not get enough of him, but his death made sense for his character. Elyan? What the fuck was that? It was just for pain and nothing else. What did it add to the story if not just a sad funeral scene and thats it? It just felt like they wanted him gone n found a way, and that pisses me off. I feel like him saving gwen and living would've given such a complex situation when she turns evil, 'cause what if she "confides" more n more in her brother, creating a rift between arthur n elyan, which then creates a rift between arthur n the knights, which would just isolate him further n make him suffer, which is what morgana wanted!! we couldve had protective brother elyan! I think i just wanted more knights in general.

Thank you so much for this ask, I yapped a fuck ton but it was funn

#merlin #bbc merlin #come get yall headcanons #hey look i posted a thing #merlin prompts #this was so fun

[remi-harbinger]

Breaking news: Bingyuan is more toxic than u believe?? (not clickbait) (reaL)

ok so ive been thinking long and hard about their relationship and it doesnt make sense to me its so toxic and idk why theyd be the main pair of svsss that has so much potential for healthy loving ships (re: liuyuan)

Firstly: their relationship as a whole Binghe is notoriously sticky, and because we are sort of reading the novel through shen yuans eyes its an endearing trait. But if you think about it isnt it suffocating? It also shows an innate lack of trust in SY to do his own stuff and come back afterwards because of Binghe’s trust issues (ofc id have trust issues too if someone pushed me off a cliff but still). Binghe needs to work this out because the smothering is so toxic…

Next: love bombing and semi stockholm syndrome? this relationship is so funny to me because its like stockholm but weirder. SY literally lived in fear that LBH would murder him in the future and this causes him to cling to any affection LBH is giving because he’s taking it as reassurance to himself that he’ll live to see another day. Also im going to be honest the way SY treated LBH is sort of love bombing. He acts like a stern shizun at the start of the novel to not be OOC, then suddenly starts treating LBH as the sole star shining in the dark, then throws him off a cliff… It really gives a guy whiplash yk? Especially when you consider that aside from the washer woman, LBH has never been treated with love in his whole life up till this point. Hes been bullied so badly and even his own shizun hates him. He’s a literal child at this point in time, he’ll crave any love given and it is easy to see how this thirst for love could spiral into the more obsessive tendencies.

Now: Binghe and Bingmei I think that as Demons, you could sort of boil both OG!Binghe and Binghe (Bingmei)‘s treatment of SQQ into the base 7 deadly sins. Binghe would be Ira (Wrath/Hatred) and Bingmei would be Greed (Obsession). Their growing years as children under their respective shizuns has shaped their views and their feelings towards said shizuns have been carved deeply into their hearts. You can see how strong these emotions are in both Binghe’s elaborate and drawn out torture of OG!SQQ and Bingmei’s stickiness and overall yandere tendencies towards SY. Judging from the scale of LBH’s hatred towards OG!SQQ and drawing a parallel, current Bingmei’s obsession and greed for SY’s love is off the charts.

So what would happen if SY didnt reciprocate these feelings? If he did something that made Bingmei irrevocably angry? Emotions are wildly changing and never constant, and thus Bingmei’s affections is and will always be a damocles sword above SY’s head. SY may think he loves Bingmei, but he clearly doesn’t trust the constancy of the reciprocated feelings, and he definitely thinks about LBH getting blackened.

LBH and SY’s befuddling relationship dynamics: Now, they started off as master-disciple. This may seem not as important, but in Chinese there’s this saying “teacher for a day, father for a lifetime”. Do you understand what this means now that theyre in a relationship? Its a really weird power dynamic. Not to mention the whole “Demon lord/Person who swallowed said Demon Lord’s blood”. As I mentioned previously, because we are seeing SVSSS out of SY’s perspective, the importance of this is sort of glossed over with a “but its Binghe! Binghe’d never hurt me…”. LBH is able to control the blood to harm on scales unimaginable. He can kill, torture, cause you to be in excruciating pain, etc. LBH forcing his demon blood in SY is equivalent to LBH ripping out SY’s beating heart and holding it in his palm. He can literally crush the heart at any given moment and end SY’s life. Much motivation to convince yourself that you are in love with the one holding your life in his hands, right?

Wrapping this up because idt people will actually even read this: SY and LBH’s relationship may look like love up close, but its really toxic and they clearly lack the trust needed in a relationship. If there isn’t mutual respect and trust, can you even call their relationship love? I personally am of the opinion that it isnt love, especially considering the obsessive tendencies of LBH.

Ofc I have more to say and I hope you guys will discuss with me, but its late now so im keeping this quite short. If you’ve read the entire post marry me and pls still read SVSSS its a gem :)

#svsss #shen qingqiu #shen yuan #luo binghe #luo bingmei #bingyuan #you never know you love a work of literature until you’ve written a 800 word relationship analysis at 3am #please blow up i need people to discuss this with me #i only have one irl svsss enjoyer and i think im killing them slowly #if this gets enough notes ill do one on our favourite #toxic doomed yaoi #jiuyuan

[gale-gentlepenguin]

So I know Representation came out today. And any good fan would wait a week before reviewing it as we still have episode 23 to watch.

GOOD THING IM A DEGENERATE

Gale Reviews: ML Season 5 episode 24 Representation

spoilers below

-So as expected, Chloé didnt stay mayor long. But Apparently Ms.Bustier is running for Mayor and might win

-Oh its the Fencing teacher/ guy who was Darkblade. Well clearly Ms.Bustier is going to win

-And Adrien and Kagami are a power couple? But Adrien is watching the news report while they are in London. Something seems VERY off

-Ah, Gabriel is behind it. And Adrien HATES it.

-"By letting your father decide your life and selling your story through a fake narrative as usual." DAMN Plagg holds no punches

-Plagg appologized though.

-Kagami is also pissed about it

-HEY ITS FELIX/ARGOS

-Wait ... is that really my chaotic son? HEARTS ON WINDOWS.

-Thats adorable, WTF

-Okay so THEY got some development.

-Adrien deciding to just say f*** it. He is heading to paris and Telling Marinette he's chat noir!

-Marinette back in paris looks miserable. Poor baby girl. Also its a lovely dress.

-Marinette has been crying. I am going to kill Gabriel

-Marinette being strong for her friends to enjoy this dance. Thats really big of her.

-Unfortunately, Spotlight.

-Wait, how did Argos and Kagami get to Paris BEFORE Astrochat? Unless they left much earlier but even then. My bet is Argos made a sentimonster that would warp them places... but that seems like BS.

-KAGAMI KNOWS MARINETTE IS LADYBUG?! Since perfection. Damn.

-KAGAMI TOLD FELIX!?!?!?! FELIX?!?!?! Okay I am a bit salty about that

-OH S***! THEY KISSED. The Feligami stans are Eating today.

-Felix is dressed like Adrien? Oh I do not like where this seems to be going.

-And Marinette thought she saw Adrien and wants to go after him while her friends are thanking her for everything she's done. Way to ruin a good moment FELIX you ass!

-Side note, WHY is Marinette the only one in a dress? Like its a dance? Why couldnt everyone Have dressed up? Seriously, I know outfit renders are expensive. DID THE KITCHEN COST THAT MUCH?

-Marinette avoiding the Lesbian bee and accidentally interrupting the Bi artist and writer. Sure is Pride month in Paris.

-Okay this is just cruel. Marinette thinks she is having a break down over this. Side note. WHY ISNT ADRIEN ACTUALLY HERE YET? HE IS ASTROCHAT!

-Alya and Nino trying to comfort her. But she aint listening.

-Adrien and Kagami escaped and the parents are pissed

-Oh no Nathalie looks really bad right now. Poor thing. All she can do is watch videos of her true love Emilie

-He took the ring back, guess now that Nathalie is too weak to fight him. Which really brings up the question, WHAT HAPPENED in the last episode that Nathalie took such a turn.

-Gabriel is being a d*** as usual

-Nightormentor sounds like a cool name. And while I thought the color scheme is weird... its probably the best akumatized form Gabriel has taken. Sad but true

-AND OF COURSE RIGHT AS SHE LEAVES ASTROCAT ARRIVES. I know its plot convenience but thats bull s***

-"His father CANT have that much control of him" Oh if only you knew Nino

-And BOOM! Gabriel the bitch agreste arrives

-I am liking Rose so much recently. She is calling out EVERYONE

-So he basically has the powers of Sandboy mixed with Darkerowl

-the guy has the power to make you experience VERY intrusive thoughts. That is evil

-Chat noir is like "Hey ladybug gonna go beat up my father text me later"

-Dude Felix must be an Olympic speed walker

-Marinette is basically being nightormented without that bastard even being here. Felix, Kagami this is just a jerk move.

Duusu: "This is so sad" Felix: "Dont worry its for Our happy ending" Duusu: F*** yea lets keep it up

-Oh he made a sentimonster... wait. I know its not human but like a sentimonster MAKING sentimonsters. Feels even more f***ed up

-THEY ARE DOING A F***ING PLAY FOR HER!?

-OH MY GOSH! ITS THE STORY OF EMILIE AND AMELIE!

-Meanwhile, Chat noir is working through his daddy issues.

-Back to the play

-Oh this is interesting.

-Oh and we find out Felix's dad was a rich Cowboy. But also an asshole. (Oh right, this is a French Cartoon, thats why American's suck in this)

-Back to Adrien fighting his father

-This is Cathartic watching Chat noir beat Gabriel's ASS

-HE WAS GOING TO CATACLYSM HIS DAD! Adrien, my boy. Patricide adrien? Well Monarch is still alive, so I guess you think it wouldnt kill him. BTW, Monarch should have had ptsd from that.

-And Chat noir got hit, so his worst fear is... and cuts back to the play

-Oh the twins were infertile. Emilie returned to try and get medical help but still nothing.

-The peacock, that was the sentimonster reference

-Oh so THATS how Gabriel got Gorilla to guard adrien.

-Also yea, any doubt that they arent sentimonsters is dead now.

-ITS CHAT BLANC WITH BLUE HAIR!?

-Oh s*** that is f***ed up.

-"It will end if you give me your miraculous"

-"Take it." ADRIEN NO!

-Oh so thats why Felix's dad was an a**hole. Okay I will give this credit. That is something.

-Welp this explains why Felix might be a sociopath

-Felix revealing why he did what he did

-THE RESISTANCE! COMING IN CLUTCH

-THE TRAY!

-ALYA JUMPED ON HIS BACK.

-They got the akuma in a jar.

-Wait, Chat noir defeated an akuma without Ladybug. (sure he had outside help, but Ladybug has done that too). Good on him

-WELL S*** THAT WAS TRIPPY.

-Felix and Kagami asked for Marinette's help. so was that all the sentimonster doing so? I am lost

-Okay so, I may not LIKE exactly how they went about it. But I cant really hate them for what they did. They are just kids that want to pick someone they trust.

-Oh s***, Ladybug never cast miraculous cure. So Adrien has some perminant trauma from the fight with Nightormentor. He still sees the antichat visions (its not chat blanc, and its just reverse color pallet)

-Chat noir left. before he could tell her. Cause the nightmare messed with him

-WAIT DID TOMOE AND GABRIEL JUST LOCK THEIR CHILDREN IN STERILE ROOMS? WTF!

_________________________________________________________

Okay! This episode was A LOT.

Well there is no denying Sentimonster theory. Its confirmed. Its done. 100% GUARANTEE NO MONEY BACK.

It did explain a LOT about Felix and Adrien.

So I am still iffy on how it was handled.

Now this DOES NOT justify Felix's Actions. He was still an a**hole. And Kagami shouldnt have told Felix. Marinette is Ladybug. That was NOT her secret to tell.

BUT the play that explained what happened was very well done. It explained a LOT about the Graham de Vanily family and Felix's a**hole father.

I will say that I hated how tortured Marinette was during this. Felix and Kagami could have done something less cruel to lure her there.

I also greatly enjoyed Chat noir vs Nightormentor. very good catharsis and we have Adrien going through some additional mental trauma, inflicted by his father (I wouldnt call it Ironic, more of EXPECTED)

I give it 7.5/10

I will say its the most I have enjoyed the second half of this season since Emotion.

#ml #ml spoilers #gale reviews #miraculous ladybug #ml representation #ml representation spoilers #feligami

[schoolnerdateen]

Teen Wolf Movie: Review

*Spoilers please be aware!*

• First of… no Stiles in this movie. We knew that, but I was hoping for a surprise cameo to happen. Unfortunately it didn’t. They mentioned him a few times though.

• We got Malia and Parrish as a couple, which I did not expect. I don’t like it, I have mixed feelings.

• I wished they had some type of location subtitle in the beginning. You know how some scenes will say “New York” and the next scene it will say “Peru?” That is what I wanted.

• It didnt take place in New York of Peru….or at least not peru that I know of

• The evil fact that we get to keep Allison (I do love her no offense) and not Derek is totally unfair!

• I literally cried at that scene. I will get to said scene soon

• coach saying Scott was Greenberg to win the lacrosse game was a good one. Coach is always funny. We stan coach on this account.

• Allison slowly and then all at once remembering everything from Lydia’s wail.

• The Jeep is still iconic. I love Eli hotwiring the Jeep.

• side note: I always joke about hot writing a car but never done it. I also don’t have the mechanical skills for that. Also cuz the scene in stitch the movie where they hot wire a car or plane thing.

• Sad that Jackson didn’t use his abilities. Would’ve been fun to see them again.

• Mr Harris (the old chemistry teacher that was used as a sacrifice in season 3) as the villian-besides Nogustine of course-was not who I expected.

• I thought it be Kate or Gerard. Or someone at least in the argent line.

• The funeral scene had me in tears. As someone who also lost my dad, I felt that pain. We also got coach at there too.

• Oh! I did not like Scott’s buzzcut/shaved hair. Unpopular opinion, but I hate Stiles’ shaved head in the beginning. Honestly, it’s a terrible look in general.

• We didn’t have Kira, but we had a new girl kitsune, which didn’t do a lot in the movie. Not like lazy, but more “not enough scenes” of her. Not a lot of character or story to her.

• My favorite part of shows moving to streaming is that they can curse. Unlike Criminal minds, they didn’t do it a lot. Oh, someone on here mentioned it felt unnatural and weird for the characters, which I agree. Some moments probably deserved it, but others didn’t feel right.

• Probably not new, but if Argent is scared then you know somethings up.

• Liam is still my favorite beta.

• I’m trying to remember everything in the last 2 hours…

• Edit: I totally forgot about Nogustine being like a werewolf hybrid! Which totally didn’t make sense. Apparently Scott bit him but I personally don’t remember anything of that happening in the movie or show.

• In a way, the ending gives off an actual spin off. I know there’s wolf pack, but that’s not a spin off. It’s just directed by Jeff too. It’s an adaptation of a book series apparently. I hate it when the articles say it’s a spin off where in reality it’s just directed by the same person.

• Edit: speaking of the ending, I didn’t like much of it. There wasn’t a lot of aftermath scenes. I’m not one of time jumps, but I did wish there was a small jumó to see how everyone is doing afterwards. Like 3 months after or something small of that sort.

• I can’t think of anything else right now

• Overall, I did like it, but at the same time, I didn’t. Someone mentioned the plot line was good, but execution wasn’t….at least paraphrasing it. And that’s what it was. Plot line: really great, Execution: not so great. So i can’t say I loved unfortunately, but it was good. But bad at the same time.

• it’s like the percy movies. Adaptation wise: terrible, outside of adaptation: really great. I love the movies. On their own it was so good, but as adaptations, not good. That’s how I feel about the movie.

#teen wolf #teen wolf movie #teen wolf the movie #movie review #not typically on my blog but gotta put this somewhere

[queenie-blackthorn]

in honor of world mental health day heres my story below the cut :)

kinda hard to talk abt this cause its somewhat triggering and ik theres gonna be ppl who think im just an emo 15 y/o, but i swear im not tryna be dramatic. im tryna make peace with my past, and also show others that despite everything, you can make it.

also, im tryna show that healing isnt all sunshine and daises. theres the good, the bad, and the ugly. you can and will survive it all

tw: sewerslide attempt, abusive parents, self harm, violence ig ?

ive died two times in my life so far.

the first time, it was my parents who killed me. december 31st, 2020, ~1.15am. i remember dragging across the hallway in my house, a throbbing sensation in my thigh, the mark already turning purple. i walked past my younger sisters' room, where my cousin was sleeping over with them, and i remember climbing into bed, hugging my pillow, crying against the pillow. that night, it was my innocence that died. my childhood happiness, per se. i remember swearing to myself in those final moments before darkness that id never forget that day. december 31st, 2020, ~1.15am.

the time between my two deaths was filled with barely anything other than self loathing. i remember trying to set goals for myself, reasons to live. i tried out new hobbies. i was never able to meet those goals, and all the hobbies bored me.

i met some of the best people ever during that time. i also met some of the worst. i might sound dramatic, cause im young and impressionable, but the people i met during that time genuinely shaped who i am. i dont wanna act like im an old soul or anything, cause im sure that in a few years imma look back and think, "shit, i was really immature." but i matured faster than others my age. i found myself faster, found things i liked, found love, found out i hated being in love.

and then i died again.

this was a recent death. june 22, 2023. my mental health had been deteriorating for months prior – i still have scars on my arms.

it was a slower death compared to the last one. i started dying at around 4.00pm. it went on for an hour before the pain became unbearable and i confessed to my parents. i didnt want to go to the hospital, i was scared of what theyd do. i threw up seven times before giving in at about 8.00pm. they took me to the hospital. i was told told me i was lucky to be alive, that my liver was still functional. i didnt feel lucky. i felt like death wouldve been less painful. my head was spinning

i died in that hospital bed, at ~9.40pm, with my eyes wide open, my mom sitting near me. my thoughts at the time were along the lines of this:

im quite literally a child in the eyes of the world. ive done nothing. i have a psychology exam tomorrow. i have a book im halfway done writing, and a new story thats been brewing in my head for months. but if i die now, ill never get to finish any of that. ill never succeed. ill never be able to spit in the faces of the girls who bullied me, of the teachers who doubted me. why would i do this to myself? why would i rob myself of that chance?

so i died. but not the same way as last time. this time, it was the poisonous me that died, the me that whispered in my ear that my life would amount to nothing, that everyone else had it better, that you either succeed or you dont.

and when i died the second time, something happened that didnt happen the first time.

i was reborn.

at the time of me writing this, its been less than four months since my rebirth. in those four months:

i decided to change the world somehow. not necessarily by finding the cure to cancer or anything, id be satisfied if it was just a cute lil video i made going viral. as long as theres someone out there who i changed

i finished about six chapters of my book

i began writing the story that had been brewing in my head

i started lifting weights to make myself feel better abt how i looked

i got closer to god. stopped missing prayer

i moved schools, leaving behind both bullies and friends

i started focusing on my studies

i tried to fix my relationships with my parents and my siblings

dont get me wrong. none of these are completed. im still an extreme case of nobody-ness. i havent finished writing either of my stories. i still skip out on working out a lot i still only do the bare minimum in terms of religion. im still struggling to catch up in school to make up for my three years of burnout. my relationship with my family is still kinda weird

and i still feel like im dying sometimes. its not like i changed overnight and all those suicidal thoughts and feelings of drowning just disappeared when the sunrays came up. theres still a lot of issues in my life.

but i have faith in myself. in my ability to change the things that can be changed. in creating happiness where theres room for it to be made.

and if finding happiness a losing battle?

well, ill fight like its the fucking boudican revolt.

#mental health day #world mental health day #october 10 #tw sewerslide attempt #tw mentions of death #tw mentions of self harm #tw self destructive behavior #road to recovery

[csprslvt]

teacher aide pt 5

Summary: Ellie wakes up to seeing the love of her life and is filled with adoration, who knew that could be replaced with hate so quickly?

Warnings: kissing, sexual touching(?) Reader is self-destructive, Ellie gets her feelings hurt, short chapter (IM SORRY) Ellie kicks a trashcan bc shes angy. lmk if I missed anything!

This time when you woke up in Ellie’s bed, you stayed until she woke up. She had a rough day yesterday, you didn't have any classes in the morning, you owed her your time. You had no excuse to leave her in the state she was in. Your phone vibrated, notifications from Abby.

Goodmorning y/n. At 8:02 am

You smiled, typing a response, It felt wrong doing so with Ellie sleeping on your chest. But it was Abby, you couldn't ignore her.

Goodmorningggg, i'm sorry about yesterday  At 8:03 am

It's all good, how is Ellie?  At 8:03 am

You frowned, Abby was so caring even towards people that didnt like her. Ellie was always absorbed in jealousy when Abby was around you. They were so different yet so similar.

She's asleep. I'm waiting for her to wake up. At 8:04 am

You're a good friend y/n. At 8:04 am 

You didn't feel like one. You had given Ellie false hope, false hope that you could love her. Somehow along the way, the lines between friendship and romance had become blurred. You two had an intense homoerotic connection. As much as you would like to deny it, she wanted more. You didn't. You were wrapped up in Abby’s courtship, her loving gaze, it was all her. Still something about being with Ellie felt all too natural. Being around Abby was a breath of fresh air and Ellie was like a sharp inhale.

Should you tell Abby this? Most likely not. But upholding a sense of engimac energy was getting exhausting. Connecting with people was difficult for you, pushing them away was your thing. Maybe it was time to let someone in.

I don't feel like one. At 8:06 am

Why's that? At 8:06 am

I'm not stupid yk? Like ik Ellie wants more than a friendship with me. And here I am, allowing her to think that it'll happen. At 8:08 am

You don't want to be with her? At 8:08 am

I'm not really good at relationships. At 8:08 am

What makes you think that? At 8:09 am

I don't know, I just struggle to express my feelings in a way that people understand. I push them away because it overwhelms me, I've never had a serious relationship. At 8:09 am

Just because people don't understand how you show love doesn't mean you aren't worth loving y/n. At 8:09 am

You inhaled, you felt like you could cry, staring at the screen with blue light in your face. Those were the words you needed to hear that no one had ever spoken. No one had dared to understand the way you showed emotion. You had hardly understood it yourself.

You're smart and so funny and kind and god you are so beautiful y/n. You are a person worth loving.  At 8:09 am

Ellie stirred on your chest as you shivered from Abby’s words. She would wake up soon.

You're not so bad yourself Anderson. At 8:10 am

It was hard to take it seriously, what she was saying. It was so foreign to you to feel seen,understood, maybe even loved.

Hahaha. At 8:11 am

Ellie shifted, you texted Abby goodbye for now and put your phone down. You stroked Ellies auburn hair as she awoke.

She opened her eyes, adjusting to her surroundings, then she locked eyes with you and she looked so love stricken it was painful.

“You're here” she said with an adoring smile.

“I wouldn't leave you alone in that state Els”

Ellie blinked, her cheeks flushed showing off her starry array of freckles. Her eyes shifted down to your lips, then back to your eyes.

“I could kiss you right now.”

You gulped, frozen in place, the hand you had in her hair stopped moving and you stilled to look at her. Sunshine hitting her green eyes she stared at you. Never had she been this bold. Never were you forced to push away from her.

“I could kiss you right now… would you stop me? Hmm?” She asked you, her voice raspy from her sleep, she was so authentically Ellie right now. How could you reject her?

She leaned towards you eyes hooded with desire, her lips brushing yours so lightly and briefly and intimately it couldn't be counted as a kiss.

“Why won't you stop me?”

You couldn't speak.

“Why do you act like you want me and then say you don't? So confusing.”

“Ellie it's not appropriate-”

“Oh don't play coy with me, you spend half your nights cuddled up in my bed with me. Nothing about our relationship has ever been appropriate”

It had been so long since you were touched. So long since you have been kissed, the temptation to give in filled your brain. An impulsive temptation.But the thoughts of a certain blond permeated the black space of your mind.

“Ellie, if we do this our friendship will never be the same.”

“Hmm I don't care” She was so close, you could feel her breathing on your face, light and soft. She placed her hands on top of yours, resting on your chest.

“Jus’ want you. I don't want friendship. I want to kiss you.”

“Will you let me?” She said very seriously, looking deep into the molecules of your being.

“Ellie…” 

Hope and fear of rejection mixed in her green eyes.

“Can I?”

You didn't say a word, instead you closed your eyes and  pressed your lips to hers, hungry and wanting. She took advantage, gently touching every part of you she could reach. Suddenly she was very awake, your hands wrapped around her neck and she straddled you, desperate mouths moved for more. Every part of you was high on Ellie.

She had you in a trance where the world and its consequences ran away. 

Ellie, Ellie, Ellie. 

She moved to your neck, kissing you so softly and lovingly, filled with unmet promises. You preened for her affections. 

That was until your phone vibrated, once and then again, You looked over and saw a notification that planted you back into reality.

Abby.

You pulled away and Ellie looked confused, her eyebrows furrowed in worry.

“Don't tell me you regret this already.” 

She sounded small, heartbroken and fueled with fear.  Her eyes searched your face for emotion but you felt so overwhelmed you'd become numb, you looked at her, and looked at your phone. She followed your gaze and got off of you, picking the phone up and seeing a notification from Abby. The love she felt was replaced with anger. 

“So this is about her isn't it?” She was fuming, so much emotion contained in her eyes, clouded with pain.

“Ellie please don't make a big deal out of this, It was a mistake.” you stood to face her, face the mess you created.

The moment you released those words you regretted them, the stung Ellie deep in her soul, in her heart.

There you were, destroying everything you touched once again.

“A mistake, this whole fucking thing we had going on, was a mistake?”

“Nothing was going on.”

Ellies eyebrows rose in surprise, she scoffed, “Oh so what, you just spent the night in everyone's dorm? Do you just let all of them call you babe and treat you special? Hm? Or was it just me you decided to take advantage of?”

Panic rose in your throat, the thousands of words you had to say escaped you. 

I'm a bad person, I'm a bad person. Look at what I've done. I'm a bad person.

You choked, you never cried, it wasn't something that came easy to you. But now, as you began to finally feel you needed to cry. Pushing back tears, you saw the destruction you created and the girl you had hurt in your own selfish process.

“I'm sorry” you said with a shaky voice. It pissed Ellie off even more.

“Oh fuck that. You don't get to sit here and feel sorry for yourself. You dont get to sit here and fucking cry!” Ellie was yelling now, she kicked the nearest thing, a trashcan, in your direction. You flinched but she was too furious to care.

Her words cut deep into you.

I'm a bad person, I'm a bad person.

“I should be the one fucking crying after the way you used me, and I know you arent stupid y/n. Youre one of the smartest people I know, you fucked me over and you know it.”

You couldn't speak, couldn't move, couldn't breathe. Everything hurts. Everything was your fault.

You were the one that kissed her first.

She was right.

“Get the fuck out y/n.” 

Quickly and without a word you gathered your things and practically ran out the dorm, slamming it shut behind you.

And Ellie? Well, as all the anger flooded in her veins she did nothing, nothing but hate.

#ellie x reader #gaming #fem reader #the last of us 2 #ellie williams #angst #ellie tlou2 #abby anderson #abby x reader #eventual smut

[thefuckwrongwithyou]

Yandere Jennifer Check x Fem Reader. Angst, Smut.

Year 7

You and Jennifer have been friends for a very long time since childhood. Until you started to have feelings for her... And decided to confess when she came over, Thinking about what u were going to say to her interrupted by a knock on your bedroom door, "y/n, Its Jenn".

You quickly stood up from the bed and rushed to the door to open it. "hi" u said smiling to Jennifer who entered the room landing on the bed. "Lets watch a movie". Jennifer said putting the TV on. "Jenn.. can i tell u something?" U asked your voice shaking a bit. "Sure princess, what's up?" She said softly smiling at u patting the bed for u to sit on.

as u did u started your speech "Jenn...i like u more than a friend since 4th grade i always thought you were the most beautiful and smart girl i've ever seen, its fine if you don't like me bac-" u said frantically but was cut off by Jennifer.

"What the fuck!!?" "Why would i like you a fucking dyke!!" "I'm not a fucking faggot!!!" Jennifer yelled getting up pushing u off the bed; making you groan getting up off the floor quickly to grab Jennifer's hand "jenn... lets talk about this i dont wanna ruin our friendshi-". only to receive a slap too stunned, making u let go of her hand.. making her way home.

You tried for weeks to talk to her; Being ignored at least she didn't out you to the school. "Jenn, please talk to me." Ignored again.

until u finally got a response in the girls bathroom. "Jenn please talk to me i dont wanna ruin our friendshi-" you pleaded, being cut off by Jennifer grabbing your jaw harshly tightening the grip as she said; "stay the fuck away from me dyke!!!". "I don't want anything to do with u!!". "I don't want u in my fucking sight ever again!!." Letting go leaving the restroom, trying not to break down... You went home at lunch crying your eyes out.

Few months later

You found out that you are moving. Trying to keep a positive mindset saying it would be a good fresh start and you'll make friends, that u didnt have u only had one friend that used to be Jennifer.

Your father walked out on your mother when he found out she was pregnant with u; your mother struggled for a while until she became a successful businesswoman, which you were happy for her of course. You didn't know when u were gonna come back to see your child home again.

Last day before moving

You were at school in your last class which had Jennifer in it. You had to bring a rectangular basket so you could pack your stuff back those books are way too big to fit in your backpack, you had it underneath the desk.

Before class was over the teacher announced; "students!" "Getting everyone's attention this will be y/n's last day here so please give her a goodbye." The teacher said. "Goodbye y/n" everyone said, at the back of the class Jennifer was surprised wanting to know where u were going.

After school ended everyone went home; you had to use the bathroom before u started packing your stuff out of the locker. When you started u heard a familiar voice ask; "where are u going y/n??" Sounding a bit sad mixed with anger. U just said "That's none of your business".. not knowing who it was as your back was turned.

It was quiet after that so u just expected that they had gone home. Your eyes Widen a bit; when u turn around Jennifer is sitting looking at u. U ignored it and walked away but u heard footsteps; "Y/N!" "Why didn't you tell me u were moving?" Jennifer said sounding hurt.

You stayed quiet until she grabbed your shoulder making u stop and turn; "WHAT JENNIFER?!" You had never once raised your voice at her even in an argument until now.. she hated the way u said Jennifer instead of jenn.

"I-i just wanted to know where you're going?". The last part coming out quietly. "Why should i tell u?" Raising your eyebrows and asking the question in a cold voice. "because I love you..." she said. " yeah right, bullshit".

You said moving away from her grip, she all of a sudden cupped your cheeks, rubbing her thumb finger over your lips; "please.." Jennifer's voice trembling. "Don't touch me, Goodbye Jennifer". Y/n said moving from her and walking away.

Fast Forward 9th year

You were moving back and the school u were at, yeah no u didn't make any friends...

Going back

"Baba?" Y/n's mother said. "yes Mom?" You answered getting ready to see your old school back again. "What happened to you and Jennifer?". You mom said looking at u. "I dont know.. we grew apart i guess". You said. "Want me to drop you off at school?" Your mother asked; "sure". u answered smiling.

After being dropped off, u felt like somone was watching u. "Y/n?" A voice said turning to see Jennifer... "oh hi Jennifer". You said walking to class; "u okay?" She asked smiling brightly and looking at u. "Yep" was all u said. "I missed u princess..." pulling u into a hug and squeezing u tightly. U swore u heard a sniffing sound.

Proceeding to kiss Your forehead quickly. Making u speechless.. later that day u were assigned a group and the teacher picked u and Jennifer. "Where should we do the project?" I asked. "Your house," she said happily. "okay" walking home with Jennifer.

She was looking at your hand wanting to hold it, like before when u were kids.. so she did. "What are doing?" U asked "holding your hand". "Why jennifer?", "Because i wanted to" a bit hurt.

Before it used to be u asking to hold her hand she would mostly reject you, but now it was the other way around.

Opening the door to the house u were greeted by your mom "Hiii baby how was schoo- jennifer how are u?" Your mother said smiling "I'm good" Jennifer said.

"Y/n said u and her grew apart thats u both stopped talkin-" your mother said before being cut off by u. "MOM," u said; "sorry sweetie anyways i have to work for the night i wont be coming home until tomorrow afternoon, so jennifer can stay over to keep u company".

"I have no problem to stay the night". jennifer said. "Good then its settled, bye Baby love u," your mother said closing the door. Before u could protest.

Making your way to your bedroom u realized jennifer is holding your hand, so let go jennifer notices right away disappointed but does not say anything. I'm gonna go take a bath then we'll do the project. After u finish showered u changed into your PJs and came back into the room and finished the project. Soon jennifer went and took a bath and came out

. You gave clothes to her surprised they fit since they were a lot taller than u. Getting ready for bed she snuggles up to u; "I'm sorry for what I said before I didn't mean it I was stupid back then.. I cried every night feeling like shit, I missed u.. please forgive me princess..". Trying to hold back herself from crying.

You started scratching her head, knowing it would calm her down and she liked it.

You told her "It's fine Jenn". She raised her head to see your face smiling she missed hearing the nickname jenn and brought her face close to about to kiss u.. "yeah we could be friends again" you said smiling at her.

Making her smile drop she doesn't want anyone near you nor can she imagine someone kissing u. "SHE HATED THE THOUGHT OF U BEING WITH SOMEONE OTHER THAN HER".

"No" jenn said mixed with jealously and anger; "what do u-" cut off by being kissed by jennifer aggressively; "i love u, you're mine i need you. Just like u need me." She said through the kiss angrily, "J-jenn s-stop" pushing her away. "NO!" She yelled getting on top of you, so you won't try to get away from her. Continuing to kiss you; "s-slow down p-please". You whimper.

Caressing her neck for reassurance causing her to slow down and then cupping her cheek.

"I'm yours, okay?" u said in a breathy tone. Making her smirk kiss your lip for a second; "yes, u are mine" she said flipping u over so your on top of her now. "Geez when did u become so strong?". You asked, "I'm a succubus" she answered. "Haha funny for real though, how?". "I just told u". Jen answered "Prove it" you said skeptical, she held onto your waist so u won't try to move away from her, and she flashed her eyes.

Making u startled, pushing her away. "Hey, calm down i wont do anything to hurt u". U stopped and asked; "what happened?". After she explained what had gone down.

You were shocked, "your killing people". "No y/n" reaching to cup your face. "Im killing boys". She said; "but thats still mur-". "Shh it doesn't matter anymore, i have you." Plus theres other ways for me to fill my hunger now, i forgot to tell u there two ways; i can sleep with a person or kill them.

I have u now, so I don't have to kill anymore unless u give me a reason to.

SMUT!!

Pulling u down a bit kissing your neck, sucking and biting it. "J-Jenn". You said coming out whiny. "Yes, baby?". She answered the response coming out breathy. "I've n-never d-done this before". U said; making Jennifer smirk, "i know i can tell".

The last part coming out as a mumble; biting back a moan as she kissed down your neck to your collarbone, soon taking off your shirt, kissing you leaving lovemarks all over you; until she gets to the bra unclipping it.

seeing your lovely breasts and nipples hard was a sight to see she loved it until, Feeling insecure u covered them quickly; "don't hide them, they're beautiful". She said removing your hand away from them, cupping one squeezing it slightly then needing it; making u whimper sucking the other side making her moan enjoying your taste. Biting it a little. causing a moan to slip out. "Mhm~". From you.

Catching u by surprise making Jennifer grin. Giving the other one attention. Removing her right hand from your breast to your hips.

Gripping it slightly and started moving your hips, that was between one of her leg giving u some friction.

Dry humping her causing aloud moan to come from u "o-oh ggod jenn". Thank god your mom wasnt home.

"Noo wrong name baby". she said removing her mouth from your breast and putting both hands on your hip increasing the speed. Making u let out quiet whiny moans gripping her shoulder.

She leaned in telling u the name Mommy making u blush. Biting your earlobe whispering "U want me don't you? u want mommy's long slim fingers deep inside of u hmm?".

Using her seductive voice." Y-yes". u said; "i cant hear u" she said smiling increasing more speed; "yes m-mommy p-please, ffuck. U moaned. "Good girl" stopping her movement taking off your pants.

And underwear. "Beg". Jennifer said continuing to move your hip on her leg. Causing a moan from u, "Nngh! p-please mommy m-make me f-feel good" I'll be your good girl please m-make me c-cum!". You moaned. Bring u into a deep kiss. Breaking the kiss pushing u onto the bed then biting and sucking u neck while teasing your centre with her fingers watching your facial expression running her fingers up and down your slit then slipping two in, causing a gasp u she started working her fingers inside of u causing you to moan. "Mommy!!" As you squeeze around her fingers she knows your are about to cum; "u can cum baby" releasing on her fingers. She while whispering praises calming u from your high.

Snuggling into u falling asleep.

Next morning

Waking up to jenn kissing your face. Smiling "morning" she said "morning jenn". U said. She was going to kiss on the lip but u stopped her covering your mouth; "morning breath". U said "I dont care let me kiss youu!" Removing your hands easliy kissing u. After u both got up brushing your teeth after u finish u asked "jenn what are we?". "Were together of course i thought i made that clear". Her brows furrowing "what?? don't u want us to be together?? She asked getting a bit anger. "N-no i never said that i was just wondering". U said in a panic. Jennifer smiled saying "god your so cute when panic, i'm glad your mine and always will be". Bring u into a kiss.

Hope u enjoyed it i would've made it more longer with the smut. but my eyes are burning me so yeah!

#yandere girl #jennifer check #angst fic #smut #possessive #free use kink #fem reader #jennifer body #18+ only #mommy k!nk

[quodekash]

GUESS WHO'S BACK

finally time to finish the last fifteen minutes (and one second) of our skyy 2

based on my current track record, itll take about an hour to get through those 15 minutes but its fine, im prepared

or maybe im not prepared. im so scared

hey that rhymed!

okay. stop stalling. time to actually watch it.

holy hell wish me luck

i still dont know how i feel about them

i actually dont remember them much

i think they were really controlling?

WAIT THATS RIGHT I HATE THEM

his dad SUCKS, and his mum said that the only way she would let him become a teacher is if he went to freaking america

why america

COME TO AUSTRALIA INSTEAD

the amount of times that people in thai bls have gone to freaking america instead of australia is astounding

WE ACTUALLY HAVE A GOOD EDUCATION SYSTEM

well... its not necessarily good.

buT ITS BETTER THAN FREAKING AMERICA

WE HAVE GUN LAWS

WE HAVE SYSTEMS AND STUFF THAT ARE MORE SIMILAR TO THAILAND THAN AMERICA

WE'RE CLOSER GEOGRAPHICALLY, AND WE'RE SUPER MULTICULTURAL, PARTICULARLY WHEN IT COMES TO ASIAN COMMUNITIES, SO (i think) YOU'RE STATISTICALLY MORE LIKELY TO FIND PEOPLE WHO KNOW YOUR BIRTH LANGUAGE THAN YOU WILL IF YOU GO TO FREAKING AMERICA

i could rant about this all day but ive only been watching for 30 seconds and its been 12 minutes already so im gonna keep watching

WHAT ARE YOU DOING

DONT APOLOGISE TO THOSE BITCHES

oh. they like him?

hmm...

well i still dont like them

EEEEE

HIS SMILEEEE

HE LOVES HIS HUSBANDDDD

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

dude your eyes are so bloodshot. have you slept??

you should sleep my guy

and no, having sex with your super-mega-foxy-awesome-hot boyfriend does not count as sleep

(pls tell me someone got that reference)

let's be real, that's a really good looking cake

i rly wanna eat it

i want cake now

why is she nodding

are they about to give their approval for marriage?

pls let phuphatian get married

pls let there be a special episode where they get married

i dont want this to be the end of them

i love them too much to say goodbye

it feels a lot like a marriage approval thing

but also... does he love tian the most? or is the one thing he loves most like. his nose hair plucker or something.

ARE THEY GETTING MARRIED OR NOT, IM STILL CONFUSED

i have a question

have they spoken to tian about this? i still dont really understand what theyre talking about, but have they spoken to tian about it?

also: where the hell is tian right now

nooooo

bye bye tul :(

i love you tul

marriage????? maybe???????? im still not sure

okay, okay, okay, so he's turned around, he's not facing phu right now, and when he turns around, phu's gonna be on one knee???? maybe????

DID I NOT JUST

OH MY GOSH

HOLY MCFLIPPING BAJOOLIES

THEYRE ACTUALLY DOING IT???

HE'S TEARING UP

SO AM I

AND SO IS TIAN

I AM SOBBING PROFUSELY

HE DID THE HAND KISS

HE DID THE FREAKING HAND KISS

I AM NOT OKAY

AAAAAAAAAAAA

he interlocked their fingers.

he interlocked their freaking fingers.

GOEJRBSDGOVJKLBERSODUFGJK;LBVERD

GFIU43EWJGKBOPUVWEBRS

I ALWAYS SAY THEYRE HUSBANDS

BUT NOW THEY CAN ACTUALLY BE HUSBANDS

wait

frick

gay marriage still isnt legal in thailand

well... i mean they can technically get married in another country

they should get married in australia

and invite me to the wedding

NO

WAIT

FLASHBACKS???

STOP

STOP IT

I DIDNT SIGN UP FOR THIS

I DIDNT SIGN UP FOR FLASHBACKS

NOOOO IM GONNA CRY AGAIN

its gotten to the point where im sobbing about how short he is

NOOO IS THAT IT???

OH HELL YES TY P'AOF FOR ALWAYS HAVING AN END CREDITS SCENE THING

AWWWW HE'S CONTINUING THE STORY ONLINEEE

they gonna fu-

<3

also we got to see yod again!!

i love them all so much

well. that's the end of me. i am dead.

phutian are officially husbands, and im gonna go cry for the rest of the year

#quodekash watches our skyy 2 despite desperately needing to sleep #our skyy 2 #a tale of thousand stars #atots #os2 #1000stars #phutian #phuphatian #our skyy x 1000 stars #our skyy x atots #earthmix #earth pirapat #mix sahaphap

[shamemp3]

THOUGHTS ON YOUR FAV SPIDERMAN RUN KING? 🎤

OHHHHH MAN.

okay. i have two favorites. there is jms's run (DESPITE sins past and omd bc those were editorial pushing that onto spider-man's narrative and it just happened to be him writing asm at the time so he was stuck with those shitty storylines. i also didnt like the spider-totem shit bc imo it goes against the core of spider-man which is that he wasnt "the chosen one" and that anyone can be spider-man but i will forgive jms for this) and there is friendly neighborhood spider-man 2019 which. believe it or not was by tom taylor. do not like the guy but that run was REALLY good but jms is still on top for me he just gets spider-man sooooo much tbh

jms's spider-man is good for many reasons to me, aside from the storylines being fun in general like even tho omd was ass it was written beautifully. peter and mj's goodbye brought tears to my eyes even tho i hate that stupid fucking idea im glad it was jms that executed it bc at least the writing was beautiful. AND what came before omd was back in black which is one of my favorite peter storylines in the entire world bc jms does write peter as a funny guy while also having him be hot-headed and vengeful and a dick ESPECIALLY when people he loves are on the line and this is something that many modern writers forgettttt omfgggg they diagnosed him with funnyguy disease and he has NO OTHER traits and he's so shallow but with jms he's real because you can tell his humor and his flippantness is an act and that he is VERY intense as a person which ... duh. his guilt is what gets him into spider-manning and then that guilt grows into a sense of responsibility and a care for community and people and that is something else i love about jms is the community in his stories !!! many of his storylines are focused on the neighborhood rather than him fighting outer space aliens or some shit its literally just him helping his neighbors and sometimes not even as spider-man but as peter which i love. and he's a teacher in this run too which is one of my favorite jobs peter has ever had because i think it fits him very well and he loves it and i wish he had gotten to keep it.

this run is so earnest and sincere and so many panels and conversations with mj and may make me insane but its still funny and it shows you who peter really is as a character i wish i could explain it with words but ill show you my favorite panels later instead. petermj is also at its heigh here and i think that if anybody were to read any peter run it should be jms's. i just think that overall jms shows you that despite peter's humor you still see how much he cares about people and how earnest he really is despite the whimsy (sigh) and though he's rude and a dick he does put his heart into everything it's just that the entire world is so against him and so his guilt and his grief and his choices eat at him no matter the outcome.

i also love this run bc mj knows about spider-man and may finds out and it just makes me think wowwww wwhat we could have had if omd had not happened. i get peter and his secrets blah blah but i hated that so many people do not know anymore after bc come on. ESPECIALLY mj and may (and the f4 and matt as well tbh but. for another day) and idk this run shows u a little glimpse of how much better it is when pete's loved ones know about his other life. idk. this was a small thing but whatever

i have so much in my head its just not coming out and its not coherent so. panels:

asm (1999) #34

asm #35

asm #38

asm #53

i want to add more panels but my laptop is starting to lag excuse her she has been with me since 2017 and is breathing so loud right now

to sum it up the writing is beautiful i love peter as a teacher i love the neighborhood and community aspect i love peter's characterization i love mj and may i even liked the little part where he lived in the avengers tower idk it was fun. i LOVED back in black. i didnt like the spider-totem shit bc i refuse to believe peter is the chosen one and i HATE sins past and i HATE omd (but jms wrote it beautifully). but overall jms gets it he sooo gets it and i love this run forever and as for taylor's fnsm 2019 its nice and fun and he also got pete's characterization but i wont go into it as much

#i genuinely wish i was more eloquent with this but. here you go. kiss me btw ily thank u ya 7ayati #leyli

[my-castles-crumbling]

dancer anon here

reason for wanting to stay connected to being a girl: i feel good when i present feminine sometimes, I don't know why, while i dont feel like a girl or connected to that at all, i enjoy feeling pretty, and that kinda fuels the "cant not be partially a girl" because i like my feminine attributes (such as my breasts and eyelashes (i really like my eyelashes, they make me feel pretty)) but i tend to like my feminine attributes more when im alone and only /i/ can see myself and think "damn. im pretty today."

ballroom q: i tend to do more follower than leader now but i get to dance with my favorite dance teacher someitmes and shes really nice :D my favorite dance is paso doble (i do more latin ballroom than standard lol, but i do enjoy waltz the most out of standard dances lol (its the first dance i did with leader steps :DD)

correct pronouns: ik that its not really making a big deal to ask, but since im not out to many poeple outside of my friend group. i also dont want to correct my friends because im afraid it will reach someone outside of the group and theyre going to question it because in my school the majority of the students aren't really,,,, allies ig

neopronouns: have considered, didnt fit, so they/them is my go to because it is the one i feel the most comfortable with

confronting my friend: i do sometimes feel like confronting them about it, but its kinda scary because i hate confrontation because of the toxic friend i mentioned, so i dont think im gonna do anything about it (for now maybe?)

trauma: i am 97% sure i dont have any trauma relating to masculine people? however, my memory /is/ actually trash, so i could have just forgotten. the most likely thing that caused the fear would probably be the dance teacher with cold hands, because i hated his classes because they made me feel like dance is an obligation and i have to do everything /correctly/ even though i signed up because i enjoy dance. i also had to dance with him and his hands were cold and i dont like physical touch if im not initiating it (which is kinda why i dont dance with anyone anymore - a combination of physical touch, sweaty hands, and the close proximity. im even scared to dance with the little children i sometimes help dance with, because i dont know if they feel comfortable with physical touch which makes me feel icky)

also its not really something happened to me, its fear of something that /could/ happen (SA, etc)

also i still see that dance teacher around at the studio sometimes. he still scares me, but less? and when i talk to him sometimes, my brain tries to tell me im overexaggerating how much i dislike him, which i may be doing, but he /did/ ruin one of my favorite dances for me, so...

agender label: i do feel comfortable with the agender label, i believe, but ive never really met anyone else using it so i think i ust want to know ppl who also use it

you are also a wonderful human!!!

on another note, i am genuinely in tears thank you, you are so kind <3

Hello again!

So, there's four things I wanna address here:

With the pronouns/friends: Yes, it sounds like it might be a good idea to think more about the pros/cons of this. I still completely think that you deserve the respect of being gendered correctly, but if it's not safe for you to be pushing this,(secrets being shared, an unsupportive space, etc) then it might be a good idea to step back until it is safe to bring it up again. Remember though that you deserve to be supported and loved unconditionally and using your correct pronouns is something that should not be a burden to anyone.

Being agender: Have you considered finding people on here who identify similarly? It could be cool and validating to find a community of people who feel the same way. I know for me it was super exciting to find other nonbinary/genderfluid people.

Being touched: Okay, that makes sense. I definitely get not liking to be touched by people, especially people who give weird sensory input.

Ballroom: Oh, damn Paso Doble? I only know the very basics but it's SO different and cool! Respect <3

Lots of love!

#ask #asks #ask cas

[mikeellee]

Fanon vs canon

Writing on my cellphone so...hm, bear with me. I've got experience in seeing the fandom cultures and know by now how popular fanon are regarded as canon even if they are against canon.

Sometimes I can partake in this. Especially if is about a character we like.

In MHA, its amazing how there few fanons that actually help Izu. Not saying it doesnt exist (people are free to still love and make dekusquad arts but well...Hori murder that for me) but in most the fanon is not helping Izu at all

"We need to explore quirkless discrimination"

Which many people dont want to admit how...quirkless discrimination is more "Izu being abused"

The fics with this tag...are usually the ones where Izu has to face extra shit "or you pau the rent or you die" situation. It's usually ONLY Izu who faces those situations.

Let me ask you smth: where was in canon quirkless being denied anythig? They can't be hero which ...makes sense. But show me quirkless being treated as less.

Let me ask smth else, if the whole concept of "people with strong quirk can do whatever" why this courtesy isnt offered to Izu? His quirk is powerful.

I tell you why...quirkless discrimination exists soley for Izu abuse. Am, while his past is still a mystery, doesnt seem a person who had a relatively happy childhood.

Izu was abused by BK not bc...he lack a quirk but bc BK is a sociopath. In his view, he thinks Izu looks down on him and that's it. Its his greenlight to make his life hell.

Fanon often shows Aldera as a hellhole where "we need to stone Izu, the quirkless" which makes 0 sense.

Like, if Aldera really has a massive hate boner with Izu for being quirkless...why Inko enroll her son there? I have issues with Inko but she does love Izu...so I find hard to believe she would enroll him in a "quirkless need to die" at all. Either she is evil or Aldera puts the best act in the world.

I go further and I think Aldera did healed Izu...when BK went after him. Again, not defending that school they have sins and should have consequences but like....I can see them healing the students (lets not forget bk's quirk could leave severe demages on Izu) unlike RG who is "if you dont stop breaking your bones...I will stop healing you"

Many fics put Aldera as a hellhole while put UA as the best....my ninja, my guy. UA is worse than Aldera. Aizawa is a bad teacher who has a wierd biases against Izu.

The Aldera senseis failed the students bc they let bk do whatever.

UA fails Izu and blames him. There's many criticism to read about Aizawa...the man shouldn't be a teacher...and also, no one points out but Aizawa is Hori stand in. Hori doesnt like Izu....

How and why Izu wants to be hero is unclear to this day.

"Why fanon sucks for Izu?"

Honestly, bc the mentality most have on Izu and his past is how....he has some blame. "He stalked bk" NO. He never did, it was the other way around. "He didnt train enough" he is training a lot, but Aizawa is not giving a fuck (he calls Izu lazy...like...huh?! And Izu saved him from Shig) and AM is suddenly too stupid to help. "He didnt ask help to his friends" WHAT FRIENDS? BC HE NEVER HAD ONE, HE DOES SEE CONIVENTS WITH BULLYING/ABUSE.

To conclude, canon and fanon in mha are equally bad in this story...bc most people seem to have a "victim blame" mentality towards Izu.

#hori is a bad writer #izuku deserves better #bhna critical #mha critical #the way Hori treats his mc is wierd #fanon vs canon #both suck here

[confessions-official]

I have a crush on this girl(Im gonna call her Silver) and i used to hate her but now im just all about her and i love her so much, and we're best friends and all of that. But, she has a boyfriend(who will be called Q) And she knows I like her, but im getting such mixed signals from her. She holds my hand and hooks arms with me and rests her head on my thighs every now and then and sometimes my chest to listen to my heartbeat and she makes jokes about kissing me. She also says stuff like "My Rain" or "I love you" to me, like less than an hour ago she snapped at our friend, "Don't touch my Rain" and she's taken to biting me now. And oh my god. She can easily infer I like being bitten due to my boyfriend saying he used to bite me, and she's been biting me now and its so fucking hot and oh my godddddd. But she did ask me earlier like on Monday if I liked her, I said I did, and she didnt say if she liked me back or not, plus, she has a boyfriend and Im polyamorous(Thats why I mentioned a boyfriend earlier, because I do have 3 already but hate 2) so I dont think she'd date me because she's mentioned before she likes relationships to be one on one and personal. And now my friends are asking "How are things with Silver?" Or "Are you with Silver?" Or "Does Silver like you?" and even two of my teachers think we're together but we're not because she has a boyfriend and aghhhh i dont know what to do here, or if im reading way too much into it, or what but i just needed to get this off my chest because im not gonna tell any of my irls about this

.

#confession

[djsadbean]

3,6,13,14 for the ask game! 💛

3. Least favorite things to draw?

I despiseeeeee drawing objects i dont understand xD my minds eye can only fill so many blanks before im on pinterest desperately looking for a good reference to use lol. i think i just hate struggling asdhjkasdha

6. Which artists inspire you right now?

annalauraart is one of my favs atm!!! i do find myself being inspired by textile artists these days :D theres so many but i like the ones who sew their own clothes, bags, accessories, and i like the ones who make those cute mug coasters with punch needling

13. Show your favorite drawing from last year

i've shown this one so many times but ahhhh i can't get over it :3 they're so in love and i think i really nailed the way theyre lookin at each other. like the rest of the world isnt there, just them <3

14. How has your art changed over the years?

all the art is under the cut! (this is very long btw)

July 2015 - I drew me! (im 15 here) I drew this on my mom's ipad. I was having trouble finding my style around this time and i just tried my best lol

April 2017 - (im 17 here) yeahhhh its my voltron era :') ngl i had a good time in the beginning when the fandom was pretty small. i drew every day around this time and it lead to a looooot of improvement which was epic.

June 2017 - i drew this for nerdecrafter and it was a huge moment bc she saw it and loved it! i never really drew irl people so this was super fun and made me wanna keep trying new things :D

June 2017 - trying new things!! i started becoming very ambitious and i was sooo so proud of this painting. i did it in photoshop with brushes i found on deviantart.

August 2017 - i drew this right after a livestream or youtube interview of the va of pidge from voltron saying this teehee she saw it and loved it!!!!!! added more confidence in myself :D

August 2017 - i painted this at school! the new doctor trailer just came out and i was so excited :D i worked on it in my animation class after i got my work done bc we had some new epic computers in there with photoshop and maya yahooo. i think this was my first big painting?? i remember spending a few days on this.

September 2017 - i saw a lot of other artists posting their pencil sketches so i made this one specifically for posting and seeing if the algorithm was indeed leaning toward this. i was correct and this one did very well LOL babys first media and marketing analysis

October 2017 - learning about what makes a small internet comic good! I put this on redbubble and my animation teacher bought it :D she wore it in class and it was very cool (she said she feels this way all the time as a teacher lmao)

December 2017 - learned about side profiles! i tried really hard on this one and tbh i think it was pretty good for that stage in my art

March 2018 - my big hero 6 x voltron au GAHHHH still one of my most viewed videos on my youtube channel. My moms favorite video on my channel too. tbh the process for recreating the background was so tedious so i have mixed feelings about this one lol but man it was huge at the time

June 2018 - wowie non-vld art ! this is tracer from ow in the skin that had just released at the time. i liked playing with the lighting effects a lot :D

July 2018 - yeah more lighting effects :D

July 2018 - my oc prince bread! i didnt really make ocs before this and it started a tiny little series of food royalty. very fun to think of ideas for

July 2018 - i think its still pretty but man i hate those hands LOL i was victim to that trend of putting the two middle fingers together >:c

January 2019 - Okay i know i just said i didnt like that hand trend but here it looks so good. i looooove this painting!!! there are so many mistakes but i think i pulled it off pretty well anyway

August 2019 - another food oc, named princess mac and cheese! it was fun to draw her teehee

August 2019 - my first sponsored post LOL they sent me free shoes but they sucked. im actually trying to get rid of them atm hahaha i learned how to read a contract, amend it, and negotiate. super fun artist stuff lmao

August 2019 - trying new things again with lighting :D also her va saw the post and liked it yahoooo!!!

September 2019 - bought some paint for the first time!!! i was influenced to buy those paul rubens lol i like this painting a lot

September 2019 - i applied to be a monster prom artist and i got rejected wah wah :c my friends were super into the game at the time and they really rooted for me but alas it wasnt meant to be (good thing too bc this took forever and gave me hand cramps lol i wouldve suffered so much with a big workload)

June 2020 - trying painting yahooo!! i got a bunch of winsor and newton gouache tubes for $1 each which was crazy. i still have them!

December 2020 - he has come back!!!!!!!! idk what inspired this but i just wanted to draw worg again :3 i was trying to chill out and draw more loosely here

August 2021 - learning about how to sculpt my art with lighting :D this one still gets notes so thats fun

February 2022 - i've...... never had so many people go wild for a drawing....... :o !!

April 2022 - this freaking guy!!!!!!!! anyway playing more with the idea of sculpting my drawings

April 2022 - made a new oc i LOVEEEEEE and learning to be more chill lol and i was really scared of lineart and color at this point so i was just sketching (it had been so long since i got to draw regularly bc of college so i was having a hard time)

September 2022 - was getting more confident with color again!

September 2023 - yeah i went insane mode on this :D i LOOOVE this one!!!!!!!!!!!!! one of my favs of all time!!!!!!!

January 2024 - yeah i also went insane mode on this!!!!!!!!! this one made me super excited to color and try crazy colors in paintings :D funfact: i was watching jerma play the stanely parable 2 the entire time drawing this :D

this is kinda where im at now! ive learned a lot and it look a long time to get here but im glad i did :D

#djsadbean answers #ask game #thanks for the ask!

[fictionfixations]

a nrc dorm tier list imo would be like..

(based on compatibility, besides preferences)

Heartslabyul

….why is thinking about it making me suddenly blank out on what every other dorms name is. wtf.

After a second option which idfk what dorm it is, would be Octavinelle. Ish cool. I'd probably be one of the sea creatures that'd die in the ocean tho.

..I've completely left the ranked by order of favorites option. So now I'm just saying what I like, with heartslabyul uncontensted.

I like Pomefiore's dorm uniforms, although I'd probably combust trying to remember everything when im as scatterbrained as Kalim

I took a test to see what dorm I'd be in and got Savanaclaw. Which sucks because I'm not the biggest fan of athletics (running can be fun but i just. hate being outside.), but im, well, as stubborn as an ox. which is funny cause thats my chinese zodiac sign

A dorm I'd probably want to be in instead would be Ignihyde because fuck yeah. introverts. indoor people. game people. anime people… these are my kind of people man >:D (but im horrible at technology stuff. a lot of its probably more memorization but if its not interesting me i dont focus. i swear most of my brain is stuffed to the brim with information about fandoms im not even in anymore and are completely useless to me. and i just. cant forget.?? ITS STUCK THERE. like. uh. dream smp. the existence of c![creator] and cc![creator] for clarification. because iirc, twitter trending was posts of 'DREAM ABUSED TOMMY AND CAUSED HIM TO KERMIT SEWER SLIDE' when it was all minecraft exile arc?? so they had to clarify NO it is not real and is roleplay. or like, this one post i read once of this person making like an essay about the dream smp, so the teacher just thinks its this really elaborate story. and then the last bit is sharing actual images about it, and how they're going to be shocked when they see pixels LMFAO. but like. im not int his fandom anymore, and i think it ended anyway??? so im just. huh??)

if only you could have the option to intentionally forget things and intentionally remember others..

actually clarification on heartslabyul but i ran out of characters on discord since thats where im writing my notes. uhm. i love heartslabyul, everything about it, and the characters and story-- but. in all honesty. if you put me in heartslabyul id do HORRIBLE. i wouldnt get along with riddle at all even though hes my favorite.. id just. get really pissed off. like, cause im really stubborn?? so i do this thing where the more someone tells me to do something the more i dont want to. even when i probably should :'D

anyway. um continuing on. I'd hate Scarabia. me and heat do NOT mix. ive once fainted (well. i was feeling really hot so i was seeing colors. and at one point i just couldnt see anything anymore. but i kept moving cause i was in a line. ..it didnt occur to me to talk to someone bout it??? i just wanted to get to where i knew some cold water awaited me. and then i walked right into a wall and then everything went blank for 10 seconds, thats apparently how long i was out, huh.) also im the type of person who focuses more on literal meanings instead of between the lines..

diasomnia. i honestly dont know that much about it. diasomnias just., nowhere on the list. i cant really put it anywhere can i? honestly id probably cry being yelled at by sebek LMFAO

#twst #twisted wonderland #thoughts #twst wonderland #in the queue - ive started book seven.. so im just sharing a bunch of thoughts i never posted