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chaosduckies · 1 month

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Restoration (Chapter 4)

I am absolutely brain dead. Anyways, a little bit of lore on Ryker because I’ve barely given any on him, andddd Lucky is back!

Word Count: 4,100

CW: Fear, Panic attacks, Anxiety, (I think that’s all for this one)

4-Nathan

After yesterday I couldn’t help but feel bad for Ryker. He didn’t lie about staying after class and talking with Mrs. Kay. He stayed behind and talked as I rushed my way back home. I had no idea what they talked about, or what we were going to do. Not that I had a decision in the matter.

If Ryker hadn’t caught on that I was terrified of him after yesterdays display, then I don’t know how he’ll figure it out. Just being with him for half a day and I almost immediately curled up on my bed and cried myself to sleep. I couldn’t help that I was scared. I was broken in all the wrong places and whatever pieces that were missing weren’t going to be found anytime soon. It’s just, that I kind of wish I’d be able to apologize for the way I had acted to him yesterday.

Guilt built up inside me the longer I thought about it on my way to school. My mom had asked me the night before how everything went, and I just told her it was okay. It most definitely was not. I felt scared, anxious, and nervous all at the same time. My stomach twisted at this horrible idea I had in my head. I hadn’t even made it to the front doors of my school before my knees nearly buckled underneath me.

A few shaky breaths and I forced myself through the hundred of students. My heart pounding in my chest, the way all the voices around me were muffled, the way I felt dizzy. This was a horrible idea. Even my own body knew that.

I made it to the classroom, mindful to keep closer to the wall so I’m not stepped on as people moved around trying to get their newly-made friends. The mini-office was closed today, meaning that Ryker would be somewhere in this classroom, and it wasn’t hard to spot the same black hoodie in the back of the classroom.

He was on his phone, looking like he was texting someone. Not my business. What was my business was how I was going to apologize to him. I owe him so much. This was my bad idea. Mainly for me at least. I probably won’t be able to get the words out. Or I might stutter every second and he’d be confused. Heck, I might talk but it’s be quiet and I’d have to repeat it all to him. I only really had once chance before my body shuts down on me and he’d see yet another pathetic display come from me.

I made my way there, noticing the slight uneasiness on his face. He was still texting. Good news for me then. He won’t have to see me struggle to walk even closer than I’ve ever willingly done before.

Today, the elevator up was the longest trip I’ve made yet. Everything felt slowed once again, but this time a rising anxiousness built up inside. What would he think of me afterwards? Would he think I was the small, puny, bug he probably thinks I am? What was I doing? This was a bad idea.

As soon as I heard a ding, I took a deep breath, hoping he was still texting away on his phone. It took me a while to convince my body to move, but I managed it. My mind pictured the same torturers in front of me. Smiling with a wide grin as I limped over as they had intersected me to. I’m not there anymore. I had to remind myself before peaking out and nearly letting out a squeak when I realized his attention was all on me now. Even if he still had his phone out, his gaze was on me.

I retreated back into the safety of the elevator, hearing him finishing whatever he was typing and shove his phone back in his pocket. Suddenly everything was so loud to me. Was that normal? I don’t think so. My mind was racing and my heart was beating so fast it might just rip right out of my chest. Was it out of fear?

Even though I know Ryker saw me, he never said anything. Nothing at all. Great. Something else to apologize about. I knew this was a bad idea from the start. If I hadn’t came up with this dumb plan, then maybe I would of had an easier time getting out, but now that I know he’ll be giving me his full attention, all confidence was sucked dry out of me.

I kept Ryker waited for what felt like hours for me. But the bell still hadn’t rang. Nearly five minutes had passed. He was oddly patient. Or maybe just another trick to make me blindly fall into another cage. Tears stung my eyes, but I wiped them away before they could fall. Just do it. Nothing could be worse than being kidnapped and tortured. So, whatever Ryker was going to do to me eventually, he might as well do it now.

Even though my body screamed at me to press the down button on the elevator and get the heck out of here, I stayed put. I wasn’t just going to make Ryker deal with my insolence and not apologize for the way I act. I’m pretty I’m the cause of all his stress lately. Just another thing to feel guilty about.

I took my first steps out for what seemed like the first day all over again. Ryker was tapping on the desk rhythmically, one hand holding his head up. It sounded like a familiar song, but I didn’t focus on that. I focused on taking my extremely shaky steps towards him. It wasn’t long before he caught sight of me, sitting up and keeping his hands on the desk. I was not counting on that, but I’ll just deal with it.

I hate how hard it was just for me to say “I’m sorry.” All the fear in my body was taking control and telling me to head back, but I just had to force myself to stay. The closer I was, the more my heart seemed to skip a beat. The more my breaths became more frequent. A panic attack now was the worst time.

Once I was as close as my body would allow, I took time to calm myself down so my words didn’t come out slurred or stuttered as much. Yup. All this just so the guilt would go away. It would be worth it in the end.

My head wouldn’t look up to see his reaction, so I just had to guess that he was just as shocked as I was. I opened my mouth to speak, but no noise came out. Great. I knew this would happen. My voice never fails to stop working when I really needed it. Just great.

I heard moving, which made my head pick up instinctively, seeing that Ryker was standing up, a sorry look on his face. Wait no… Did I do something wrong? Why wasn’t he talking? Was it because I was taking too long? Did he finally grow tired of me? No. Nononono. That’s not what I wanted. Why can’t I do anything right?

He placed his hand on the edge of the desk again, the same look on his face. I did do something wrong, didn’t I? The realization hit me like a cannonball. Whatever I did, he obviously hated me for it. Even more guilt gets piled up on top of me. How do I manage to mess everything up when we’ve only really “hung out” for one day?

I opened my mouth to try again, but nothing comes out. Why does life hate me so much? I just wanted to say I was sorry for everything I’ve done and way I act. Heck, I was even going to apologize for the incident at lunch the other day. He shouldn’t of had to save me.

My body was acting on it’s own, taking a step back as my body trembled and I hung my head down in defeat. I knew this was a bad idea.

Ryker’s hand moved to the side as he sat back down, his hand too close for comfort but I brought it upon myself for being this close. My entire body felt like crawling under my blankets and crying myself to sleep. Life really did hate me. I just wanted to talk… Even if it meant I couldn’t keep the conversation going. At least apologize. That was my only goal for the day. That long with surviving anyways.

“Are you all right, Nathan? You don’t look too good…” He had asked me. And I made the mistake of shaking my head in all honesty.

———Ryker———

My heart fell. I’ve never seen someone so afraid and shaky before. Never.

What was I supposed to do? Nathan’s never talked to before. I know nothing about him. He could say the same about me, but still. It’s just that I didn’t know what he was so afraid of. I don’t want to force him to do anything, and the only real way I know how to calm a person down is to hug or give them what they need. I live with five siblings I have to take care of, they feel comfortable around me so I know what calms them down and what doesn’t.

Nathan is comfortable around me.

I didn’t know his boundaries, I didn’t know why he seemed like he wanted to do something but couldn’t, and I really didn’t know how to calm him down. Hands weren’t even an option since I’ve noticed he jumps and scoots away every time I was getting something from my bag yesterday. I’ve noticed that he moves away from me when he thinks he’s in my way. And I’ve most definitely noticed that he never does anything unless he knows for sure it was okay to do. Looking for validation before doing anything.

Looking around the room, there were still a lot of people trying to get around before the first bell. Not that I cared though. I was more worried about what to do. I knew absolutely nothing about him. Only that we were both seniors.

Nathan stole a quick glance up at me, hanging his head down almost immediately. But I swear I see him trying to speak. Was that what he was trying to do? Was he self conscious about his voice or something? Or was it just that I was making him nervous? Most likely the second since every time he does try to speak my attention is always on him. Was that why he was scared? He didn’t like attention? I didn’t know.

He picks his head up again, but I made the mistake of looking down once again and seeing his mouth forming words but nothing coming out. He covers his mouth and ducks his head again. That was it. He doesn’t want me to watch him say whatever he was about to say. Social anxiety?

Still, I can tell he’s trembling like crazy and he’s not even in my hand yet. I noticed that yesterday too. Just what happened to him?

I tried making up ways in my head how he would be able to talk without me paying attention, but nothing came to mind. If anything, I just really wanted to hear what he was trying to say to me. I don’t even care if it’s something rude towards me. The little guy already has a hard time just being comfortable around me, so I think it’s a step forward if he’s trying to talk. He probably would hate me if I had called him that nickname though. It suits him though. He’s shorter than most humans, and he seems like a really sweet guy.

“If you’re trying to say something you can take your time. We have all week. I can wait.” I gave a smile in hopes that he wouldn’t dwell on this the entire day. I haven’t mentioned anything about the lunch incident either since I guess he didn’t want to talk about it after he just ran off. Oh. Maybe he felt guilty for running away?

Shaking my head at the thought, I let out a hand for him to get onto. It worried me that he could never keep his balance when he had only taken one step on, but he had never done it before. It’s expected. Maybe later on I could help him out with that? Then what Mrs. Kay told me yesterday hung in the back of my head.

“Nathan has trouble being around giants. I’m just using this class to get him used to it. The real world won’t be so kind to him if you don’t do this. Plus, I’m sure you’re the perfect one for the job.”

What did that mean? How was I the perfect one for the job? Almost everyone in the school avoids me after my parents… never mind. But still, everyone thought I was so mentally unstable that I could be thrown into a psych ward any day now. I didn’t appreciate the statement, but part of that isn't wrong. So how was I supposed to help him?

Nathan took shaky steps forward, and cautiously climbing into my palm, but still managed to fall over. I would help, but he doesn’t like being touched. He wasn’t lying when he said he didn’t know how to do this. It just takes some time, and I’m very patient.

We did the same thing as yesterday. Sat down in class and as placed my journal full of unused notes on the desk, he moves away. I didn’t know if he thought he was in my way, or if he just didn’t like being near anything that he thought would kill him. There was no telling. It wasn’t like I was going to just blindly throw something on my desk without taking into consideration that he might be freaked out by that. Especially since he’s just a little taller than the width of my fingers.

I remember when I first saw him, my first thought was: He’s really small. And that’s saying something since I have a younger human sister that’s barely turning five this next month. But I also thought that he was really nice. And he is, but it’s not in the way I had imagined. What was he hiding that made him so scared?

———Nathan———

Stupid. I was so stupid. I completely exposed myself to Ryker, and all he did was say that I could take my time. Why was Ryker so nice? I wasn’t used to that! Coming from a giant too? No. It’s a definite lie. He was somehow patient with me even when I took all the time in the time in the world. Every single time I’m overthinking something or just really torn up, he gives a smile, like he knows what’s going on in my mind. I was so confused.

The day went by fast, and nearly every class period I tried to talk. Heck, at this point it would be great just to make any kind of noise, even when I know that he’d laugh at me. I think it was 6th period when I managed to get a word out, but he didn’t hear me. As expected. Why was this so hard for me?

During his seventh period, he set me down by the human sized doors and sat down on the same couch as before, reading the same book as yesterday. The other three people sat at the table playing Uno yet again, laughing their butts off while the librarian was putting away some books.

I headed through the doors of the human library, seeing that there was an entire freshman class in here. That was surprise. Probably getting books for a project or report or something. Though, I did spot one familiar face as I sat down on the couch in the corner. The one that saved me during lunch the other day. Lucky.

It was maybe fifteen minutes after their class had all grabbed whatever books they needed and sat down talking. It was loud, but it’s not like it bothered me. I mean, I was supposed to be in calculus right now. I’d much rather prefer this.

My head was buried in a book when someone had sat next to me. I nearly jumped, but just looked over to see that is was Lucky. Why would he even come over here to me? Wasn’t he supposed to be with his class? Obviously it didn’t stop him from talking to me. Wait. Maybe I could ask about Ryker? They seem to be good friends even though I’ve never seen them talk besides on Monday.

“You’re…. Nathan? That’s what Ryker called you, right?” He had on a smile and still sat almost an entire head taller than me while sitting down. Makes sense. But it was kind of embarrassing when a freshman was so much more taller that their upperclassmen. It makes me feel even more insecure.

I replied with a nod, never looking directly at him. I was scared he might say something. Just like a list of my many, many fears.

“Why’d you run out the other day? Y’know, during lunch?” How did I know he was going to ask that? Someone would have eventually. Just, I didn’t expect it to be brought up so casually. I mean, why did he even care? Did I make him angry by running off? Did I hurt his feelings that I didn’t give an apology or a thank you? I cringed at the thought, but I knew I had to face it.

“I… Um, I was scared. So I-I’m sorry for r-running, and th-thank so much for g-getting me out of there.” I bit my tongue for stuttering the last bit. At least if he’s angry at me I’ll know that I did thank him at least. That’s one guilt off my chest. Still, I have to tell Ryker, and he’s harder to talk to given that my own body goes against me every time I try to talk or even get the slightest bit closer so he can hear me. Life hated me so much.

“Anytime,” Lucky had started, “My brother said something about some kind of project with you two? I wasn’t paying attention.” Brother? Where did that come from? I don’t even know who he’s talking about. Was he in my class? Was he one of the people watching as I failed miserably to make some kind of interaction?

“Brother?” Lucky’s eyes shot wide, then he bursted out laughing. Did I do something wrong? Or embarrassing? And suddenly, I felt dozens of eyes on me. His whole class was looking at us. I gulped, burying my head. This was fine. Just ignore them and they’ll go away, yeah…

“Well, I’m the adopted one, but Ryker is my older brother.” Lucky explained to me. Oh. What. How does that work? Ryker was a giant, and Lucky was human. It’s not entirely abnormal for a human to be adopted by a giant family, but I never understood how they even live through that. Even if the human manages to escape, they’re legally owned by that family. But besides the point, that made things a million times harder for me. Anything I said to Lucky, he would tell Ryker. Great.

“So how’s that project going?” Lucky had asked, a chuckle escaping his mouth. I shook my head, groaning. I don’t need to be reminded that I was making things harder for Ryker. It’s not my fault! I guess in a sense it is though. Since my mind obviously can’t forget what happened a nearly a year ago.

Lucky pulled out his phone, texted someone, the shoved it back in his pocket, “You get used to Ryker after a while. He’s a nice guy.” So everyone’s said. I believe them though. Ryker’s done nothing but be patient with me and try to make some kind of progress on getting me to open up. I’m the problem.

Lucky’s teacher had called everyone to get back to class, letting him know to leave, “Oh hey, you should come over on Friday. I heard that was part of your little… trust exercises?” He smiled and left with his class. What? He knew about that? Did that mean Ryker has talked about me to him? Oh that did not bring me any peace of mind. Not at all. If he has, what has he said? That I was impossible to deal with? I was infuriating?

And suddenly I wasn’t so confident about this week anymore.

———Ryker———

Lucky had texted me that he was talking to Nathan. I mean, that offered some kind of relief, but not entirely. Lucky could be… ecstatic at times. Especially when he was meeting new people. Or when he was around Dylan is was five times worse. Luckily, that wasn’t possible so I didn’t dwell on it too much. But, I did plan on inviting Nathan over to my house this Friday or sometime during the weekend. Since Mrs. Kay denied my request to take this off the long list of things I already had to do. Not that I would mind him over. It’s just that he might be a little surprised to see everyone.

Nathan seemed a little more uneasy after his talk with Lucky, which really worried me. What did Lucky say? Or better yet, what was Nathan thinking? It seemed like the more important question. I’m sure Lucky told Nathan that we were brothers, but I doubt he told them about everyone else. That would have been a lot to go over. Not that he won’t find out eventually. Nathan still hasn’t said what he wanted to say this morning. Whatever it was. I was anxious to hear, but at the same time I knew he was having some problems.

Last period was the same as yesterday. Just another day to get to know one another better, but I’ve made no progress at all. I’d like to at least know what his favorite color is at this point, but I’m sure he was wondering the same about me. I haven’t told him anything about me either.

Currently, Nathan was sitting on my desk facing me just like everyone else. Not what he usually does, but that’s fine. Maybe Lucky had actually helped him instead of freaking him out? Maybe. A slight possibility.

“Everything alright?” I had asked, easing some of my relief. I was actually really worried about him. I’ve never encountered someone so afraid in my entire life, and that was saying something.

He nodded his head, playing with his hands. Nervous? I could never tell with him. How do I break it to him that Mrs. Kay is making him come over to my house? She knows that it can get a little chaotic and with my newfound knowledge that he has a hard time being around giants, this might not be the best match-up. I’ve noticed that Nathan doesn’t like people acknowledging him or even looking at him. Does it give him anxiety? Probably. Explains why he was struggling to talk to me. It only made me feel even more bad for him.

I guess if I was going to tell him it would be now. He’d have to know anyways, “Hey, um, I asked about you not being able to come over, and she just said that it would be better if you came over anyways. I’m sorry, really.” I saw him cringe back and nod his head sadly. I wondered why he was so uncomfortable with the idea of going over to my house though. Him knowing about my… predicament is something, but he didn’t know. So it was really weird to see him so scared and shaky when Mrs. Kay brought up the idea yesterday.

“So how does Friday sound? We have a separate human part of the house if you get too overwhelmed and I’ll take you back home anytime? How’s that?” I tried to somewhat calm him down, but for some reason I think it might have the opposite affect on him. Oh good going Ryker. Just great. Give him another reason to be scared.

To my surprise, he nodded. This could either go horribly wrong, or great. Only one way to find out.

———————————————

This chapter for some reason was hard to write so I’m sorry if it’s not like the past three chapters. I’m pretty sure I wrote half of this at three in the morning so if it sounds weird that’s three a.m. me. Thank you for reading though! Asks are always open if you have questions about anyone!

#Restoration #g/t #g/t writing #g/t community #gt #Oc: Ryker #Oc: Nathan #sfw g/t #Giant/tiny #g/t fearplay #g/t angst #You get lore this time!!!#Oc: Lucky #I don’t know why I loved writing this chapter #I just did #Thank you for reading!#Lucky is just silly

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my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction · 1 year

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I'm so sorry for demanding it like this... But I'm very sick right now and threw up all of my dinner... And my parents are giving me hell for it. Could I please have a fic/drabble/HC where the reader is sick and the moon boys/Poe/Nathan takes care of the her?

Not demanding at all! I'm so sorry you're unwell and your parents aren't helping! Massive love and good vibes to you!

I'm so sorry this took so long, here is Sick!Reader with Nathan. (I'm hopefully going to do some little fics with Poe and the Moon Boys in the future!)

I hope you enjoy!

Get Well Soon

Nathan Bateman X F!Reader Rating: T Masterlist | ao3 | want to be tagged?

Warnings: TYPOS, SWEARING, mentions of throwing up, fluff, hurt/comfort, unwell reader, please let me know if I’ve missed a warning!

Word Count: 1273

Taglist: @pleasurebuttonwrites @jake-g-lockley @raven-rk @campingwiththecharmings @alexxavicry @mystinky-butt @cocodiem @oscarisaacsspit

Your head pounded, your vision throbbing with every beat of your heart. Sickness twisted your stomach. Everything was too much. Even moving slightly made the world lurch to the side and the nausea built in your throat.

You were curled up on the sofa, afraid that if you got up you would throw up everywhere, and begging whatever higher powers existed in the universe to magically heal you. Or at least grain you a reprieve long enough for you to get to your bed.

You heard Nathan walk into the room well before you registered what the sounds actually meant.

He was busying himself in the cupboards, looking for something and muttering under his breath. The sofa faced away from where he was and hid you from his line of sight.

Part of you was glad. Nathan didn’t exactly stride you as the nurturing, feeding you soup kind of person. More like throwing you outside to avoid getting sick himself.

To your bad luck, he walked further in the room, still obviously looking for something, and moved passed the sofa and your crumpled up, curled in on yourself form.

You heard him stop, pausing almost mid step, even with your eyes closed. Internally you groaned.

“You okay?” There was a quizzical note to his voice despite the fact that you looked very much not okay.

You shook your head.

He moved closer to you. “What’s up?”

“Everything.”

“Everything?” He muttered. “I’ll have to tell gravity about that.”

You cracked open your eyes to give him a glare. He was closer than you expected, crouching down next to you so that your faces were barely a hand widths apart.

“I don’t feel good.”

“You don’t look good.”

“Thanks.”

His lip twitched upwards in a smile as he put the back of his hand on your forehead. His skin was a comforting coolness.

“Yeah, you’re burning up.”

You closed your eyes and groaned, trying to turn your head away from his and bury it in the armrest. Nausea rose in your throat, and panic with it. You screwed up for face and swallowed it down. There was no way you were going to throw up anywhere near him.

“You gonna be sick?” He asked, so matter of factly.

“No.” You mumbled.

“You are a shit liar.” He rose and walked away.

Part of you was glad; at least you won’t have to worry about him being near you. But there was a pang of loss with it, rejection. You pushed it down.

“Here.”

You cracked open your eyes again to realise he was back, kneeling his time. You looked down to see the bin in his hands. He placed it on the floor in line with your face.

“Try to get it in the bin, don’t worry if you don’t.”

You frowned. “Don’t worry if I don’t?”

He shrugged. “I’ll clean it up.”

“You’ll clean it up?”

He scowled, but there was a hint of amusement to his words. “Are you having cognitive issues, do I need to shine a light in your eyes?”

You gave him a weak smile and gently pushed at his shoulder. “It’s just... doesn’t seem very like you, you know?”

Nathan pulled a face. “I’ve had my fair share of cleaning up vomit you know, hangovers are a bitch.”

You smiled again, closing your eyes as another way of pain and nausea flared.

You didn’t see the look of concern that passed over his face.

“Can I get you anything?”

You shook your head.

“Okay.”

He stood, and you thought in all honesty that that was it. Really, it was better than you expected or even hoped for. You hadn’t been thrown outside and he had brought you the bin.

A few minutes passed, if anything you were getting worse, your throat tightening and the taste of bile rising.

It was just as you heard Nathan come into the room again that you realised you were going to be sick. And you couldn’t stop it.

You lurched forward, managing to grab hold of the bin and throw up into it instead of the floor. Thank god for small mercies.

“Hey, hey, you’re alright.” You didn’t expect Nathan to rush over, didn’t expect for him to lean down next to you as you threw your guts up. And never in your wildest dreams did you think he would rub your back, making soothing sounds as his cool fingers traced comforting circles.

“You’re alright.” He said again, his voice low and soft.

You spit out the last of it, acid on your tongue.

He took the bin as you lifted your head and put it to the side, pain thumbed along your temples like a hammer against your skull.

Carefully he helped you sit back, making sure your head rested against the blush back of the sofa.

“Here.” He handed you a bottle of water, opening it for you as he passed it over.

You took a mouthful, swirling it around your mouth.

Nathan held the bin out to you again and you spat the water out.

“I’ll be right back.” He gave your knee a small squeeze as he stood.

You meant to say something, to watch him go, but the pain behind your eyes was just too much.

Slowly, you took another sip of the water. It was cold and soothing as you swallowed.

It was only then that you realised that there was a small pile of things on the opposite end of the sofa, things Nathan had obviously brought with him.

There were some tablets and a blanket, other items too, but the fluffy blanket obscured your sight of them and you didn’t have the fortitude to move your head any more than you absolutely needed to.

“Here’s a fresh one.”

You hadn’t heard Nathan come back this time. He placed another bin on the floor next to you.

“Thank you.” You muttered.

He shrugged your words away. “Take these.”

He held out two tablets.

Normally, you would be all questions, but currently you didn’t care what they were. He could give you speed if that made you feel better.

You swallowed them down with water.

When you were finished Nathan took the bottle, screwed the lid back on and put it on the coffee table.

“Come on,” he motioned to you.

Confused, you frowned.

“Let’s lay down.” He put one hand on your cheek, the other on your shoulder, slowly guiding back onto the sofa.

“Nathan, you don’t need t-”

“Yeah. I know.” He said. There was an expression on his face you just couldn’t place, a relaxed softness that you hadn’t seen before.

He lifted your legs back onto the cushions and placed the blanket over you. Tiredness overwhelmed you.

“Comfy?”

“Hmmm.”

“Good. I’m just gonna check your temperature. Okay?”

“Hmmm.”

There was a sudden pressure in your ear and a beep. You opened your eyes in surprise.

“Yeah, you got a temperature.” Nathan looked at the ear thermometer and then back to you. He brushed his hand over your cheek. The gentleness of the movement made your breath hitch.

“Try to get some sleep, yeah?”

“Alright.” You closed your eyes again and quickly drifted off.

You weren’t sure what time it was when you opened your eyes. You still felt awful, but slightly less awful than before.

There was the calming and rhythmic tapping of keys. You bent your head ever so slightly to see Nathan sitting on the floor, leaning his back against the sofa. He was working on his laptop.

You couldn’t help the smile that blossomed on your face as you fell back asleep.

#nathan bateman #ex machina #ex machina fanfic #nathan bateman x reader #nathan bateman x f!reader #my writing #fanfic #oscar isaac #oscar isaac characters

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historicallyaccuratecheese · 4 months

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I’m now halfway through The Magnus Archives’ 1st season, so I thought it would be cool to just post my thoughts on each episode so far :). (Spoilers, I like all of them, and this podcast is going to be all I care about for a while.) Also NO SPOILERS PLEASE!!!

Link to Masterpost (contains all of these thought posts)

- Episode 1, Anglerfish 🚬

Statement of Nathan Watts, regarding an encounter on Old Fishmarket Close, Edinburgh.

Really strong start, not the scariest episode so far but definitely unnerving, and it gives a good first impression and layer of intrigue. While the story is simple in comparison to the later ones, it was still enjoyable, and I was just appreciating the atmosphere and framing device of the episode as well.

- Episode 2, Do Not Open ⚰️

Statement of Joshua Gillespie, regarding his time in the possession of an apparently empty wooden casket.

This is still one of my favorites. The whole time I was on edge, and this was the first episode that really kept me up at night. I went from wanting to know what was inside the coffin desperately, to wanting to stay away from it as much as possible. Joshua’s insuring dread and creative solution to his problems was fantastic, and it ends with some intriguing plot threads being set up.

- Episode 3, Across The Street 📓

Statement of Amy Patel, regarding the alleged disappearance of her acquaintance Graham Folger.

I think I share a common sentiment when I say that Amy stalking Graham was almost as creepy as the actual horror lmao. Overall I don’t have that much to say about this one, but it was very enjoyable, and I feel really bad for Graham in retrospect :(.

- Episode 4, Pageturner 📕

Statement of Dominic Swain, regarding a book briefly in his possession in the winter of 2012.

I…feel like I should hold off on talking about this one for now. While it was definitely well written and creepy, it just seems to be so full of setup for future plot lines that I almost don’t feel like I can form a concise opinion on it until I really get what’s going on. Honestly, my only complaint with this episode is that maybe it’s setting up TOO much in one go, but I still had a good time with it overall.

- Episode 5, Thrown Away 🗑️

Statement of Kieran Woodward, regarding items recovered from the refuse of 93 Lancaster Road, Walthamstowe.

This one actually did a pretty good job at getting me to think about waste disposal workers lmao, I never really thought about them like that before. This one was just really creepy, but also kind of fun in a weird twisted way. It did a great job keeping me on edge as well.

- Episode 6, Squirm 🪱

Statement of Timothy Hodge, regarding his sexual encounter with Harriet Lee and her subsequent death.

I am simultaneously horrified, and unfortunately aroused by what happened here.

- Episode 7, The Piper 🔫

Statement of Staff Sgt. Clarence Berry, regarding his time serving with Wilfred Owen in the Great War.

Having an episode set nearly 100 years ago is a really fun idea, and it’s executed perfectly here. It was interesting how it also featured a real person, and I liked how the paranormal activity felt more metaphorical here, it really did feel like it was showcasing the horror of war.

- Episode 8, Burned Out 🌳

Statement of Ivo Lensik, regarding his experiences during the construction of a house on Hill Top Road, Oxford.

I found this one to be very nerve-wracking, since not only was the whole scenario with the tree just, like…three creepy things happening at once, but the fact that the statement was given by someone with schizophrenia did a good job making me question it’s validity, even though I’m certain it’s true after listening to a later statement. I also hope that I get to see how the history of the house is unveiled in the future.

- Episode 9, A Father’s Love 💡

Statement of Julia Montauk, regarding the actions and motivations of her father, the serial killer Robert Montauk.

This one made me feel really sad :(. I really felt Julia’s despair in this one (Jonathan Sims does such great voice acting for every statement btw, both the character and the actual person), and I was even more saddened by the implications of why Robert did what he did. If my assumptions are correct, then…SCREW THE MOTHER! It was also the first one that got me thinking about where exactly all of the paranormal stuff comes from, and later episodes only add to my theory that it’s all due to demons/cults/higher powers.

- Episode 10, Vampire Killer 🧛‍♂️

Statement of Trevor Herbert, regarding his life as a self-proclaimed vampire hunter.

Much like Episode 8, this one did a really good job at making me question the validity of the statement, although I became more sure of its truth a bit earlier. I also just love how nonchalant Trevor comes off as, compared to all of the other traumatized horror victims. (Also, I’m guessing that the name Trevor and the episode title are meant to be a Castlevania reference?) While vampires aren’t the most creative thing for an episode, at least in comparison to everything else, the beast-like execution here more than made up for it in my opinion.

- Episode 11, Dreamer 💭

Statement of Antonio Blake, regarding his recent dreams about Gertrude Robinson, previous Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute.

Yeah…Gertrude Robinson did not die a normal death. My guess is that she was caught by ✨the horrors✨, but I’ll wait and see. This was another very tense episode, with the prophetic dream world being really, REALLY creepy. I do hope we get to see more of “Antonio” in the future, as I think he could be quite important. (I also hope he gets punched for DUMPING GRAHAM IN HIS TIME OF NEED-)

- Episode 12, First Aid 🏥

Statement of Lesere Saraki, regarding a recent night-shift at St. Thomas Hospital, London.

OMG GERARD KEAY HI HI HI HI HOW ARE YOU!!! Yeah I audibly gasped when he showed up again, it was such a cool moment. Anyways, hospitals already creep me the fuck out so this was pretty effective. Definitely some great setup here, and it helped to make a bit more sense of Pageturner, now that I have a better idea of what Gerard’s whole deal is. It also added some good fuel to the whole cult idea, and my god this poor nurse. Having to deal with all of this in a single night sounds like hell.

- Episode 13, Alone 🌫️

Statement of Naomi Herne, regarding the events following the funeral of her fiancé, Evan Lukas. Statement taken direct from subject.

Having a new voice in this episode was really cool, and Katie Davison did an excellent job as Naomi! It was also cool to see how Jon interacts with other people, he was…nicer than expected. This episode honestly felt like it was calling me out, as I am also someone who’s confident in my independence, but if I was in Naomi’s place I would also probably be scared shitless. I really hope she’ll get a happy ending :(. Also, The Lukas family is quite intriguing, especially since we now know they have a connection to The Institute…

- Episode 14, Piecemeal 👆

Statement of Lee Rentoul, regarding the murder of his associate Paul Noriega.

Firstly, this is probably my favorite of Jon’s vocal deliveries. His performance of Lee Rentoul just feels perfect. (Once again, this applies to both the writer and the character, I’m genuinely convinced the latter is an ex-theatre kid.) Outside of that, THIS ONE CREEPED ME OUT. The body horror was very effective, with the only thing holding it back being the fact that Lee isn’t the most likable protagonist in the podcast, but if this happened to someone else I’d be even more upset. Still though, it was a very creative concept, and the whole vibe and execution of the episode made it great.

- Episode 15, Lost Johns’ Cave 🕯️

Statement of Laura Popham, regarding her experience exploring the Three Counties System of caves with her sister Alena Sanderson.

What the fuck. What the fuck. What the fuck. What the fuck. What the fuck. What the fuck. What the fuck. What the fuck. What the fuck. What the fuck. What the fuck. What the fuck. What the fuck. What the fuck. What the fuck. What the fuck. What the fu-

- Episode 16, Arachnophobia 🕷️

Statement of Carlos Vittery, regarding his arachnophobia and its manifestations.

The way they tackled the concept in the title was really well done. Arachnophobia is seen as an irrational fear by a lot of people, so having it portrayed as an effect of childhood trauma was a good call. And as someone who is not arachnophobic, this episode got me close to feeling that way. What ever force was making Carlos relive his trauma is a sick fuck. Also the cat was a real one, glad he survived the whole situation. (Also THE WORMS, HOLY SHIT IT’S THE SEX WORMS!!!)

- Episode 17, The Boneturner’s Tale 🦴

Statement of Sebastian Adekoya, regarding a new acquisition at Chiswick Library.

This episode really compelled me to get out the rubber bands connecting images lmao. I really liked all of the connections to past statements here, like the presence of another book from the library of Jurgen Leitner, to the mention of Micheal Crew. The body horror here was once again very creepy, (outside of the flat rat, that was morbidly funny), but my favorite part of the episode was the introduction of Elias, which was a humorous, but also very intriguing scene. Also, the themes of books containing power was great as well. Great stuff all around.

- Episode 18, The Man Upstairs 🥩

Statement of Christof Rudenko, regarding his interactions with a first floor resident of Welbeck House, Wandsworth.

…ew. Ok in all seriousness, this is probably my least favorite episode so far. Still very far from bad, but after all of the extremely interesting themes and plot threads, having an episode where the idea was just “What if a guy had a house covered in meat? Wouldn’t that be fucked up?”, felt just a little bit underwhelming. Which like, the fact that my least favorite episode’s biggest problem is that I find it slightly pales in comparison to previous ones is just a testament to how much I’ve been enjoying the podcast. Still though, there were definitely a few things I really liked. The reveal of the room was creepy (especially considering the meat that seemed…alive…), and as someone who has had to deal with upstairs neighbors making noise for hours during construction, this episode definitely scared me.

- Episode 19, Confession, and Episode 20, Desecrated Host ✝️

Statement of Father Edwin Burroughs, regarding his claimed demonic possession.

This, alongside Lost Johns’ Cave, was one (or I guess, two…) of those episodes that seriously fucked me up. While I am not religious, I have always had fears of how religion can negatively affect me and the people around me, despite the good that it seems to do for so many people. So seeing Edwin be charged for every “sin” he committed by a higher power that wishes to steal its faith, and then not get judged by it, but by the people around him for his one true sin, was absolutely haunting, and I hope he turns out ok in the end. Outside of the horror, the episodes were fantastic. Listening to the events of Episode 8 from Edwin’s perspective, and seeing how Ivo’s actions saved him, was really cool, and solidifies in my mind that Ivo’s experience was real. The connections to demonic magic and Latin script thickened, and it was overall just a great mid-season finale. In conclusion, I hope that Martin feels better soon, and if he isn’t actually sick and is being plagued by ✨the horrors✨, well then I hope he survives :).

Thank you for reading my silly little thoughts if you’ve made it this far, it really means a lot to me :). I’ll probably update this every time I finish half of a season, so hopefully my thoughts on episodes 21-40 will be here in the Reblogs soon. :)

#tma #the magnus archives #jonathan sims #Gertrude Robinson #elias bouchard #joshua gillespie #gerard keay #jurgen leitner #Ivo lensik #Edwin Burroughs #naomi herne #Julia Montauk #Robert Montauk

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chainofclovers · 1 year

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Ted Lasso 3x2 Thoughts

An episode for the ages! My favorite scene of s3 is still Ted’s press conference in 3x1 (plus there’s just something about an episode written by Leann Bowen that gets my right in the brain and right in the heart) but 3x2 was incredible and made me feel so excited about this show and the stories they’re telling and so excited that it feels like each character is going on a realistically new journey here in the final third of this arc. It’s kinda thrilling.

I already accidentally chatted about this episode with a bunch of people and honestly I’ll probably continue to lack the willpower to make this a truly “pure” reflection of my thoughts at the end of an episode. At the same time, this is my best effort to preserve and record my own feelings.

Rebecca’s backstory with Rupert is perfect. Timelines on this show continue to be a bit squishy and I’m okay with that. I love knowing that she was a bartender (I can see it! I can see her having this scattered relationship with her family and finding something she’s good at—albeit with a massive safety net—and I want to know allllll her opinions on cocktails and tending bar). I love the pain of her having been the other woman while Rupert was married to someone else—the knowledge that would have given her of what he was capable of (and the manipulation was so well-crafted that she was still surprised that he cheated on her, which I believe), but also the pain of having been so manipulated into believing Rupert genuinely saw something special in her, and how much that kind of attention followed by his present-day open revulsion (all performances) would fuck a person up. I particularly loved that she finally told Keeley about the origin of that relationship while watching Rupert manipulate Zava; Rebecca understands that Rupert’s power isn’t just something he wields to get sex from women, but a skill that impacts how he conducts himself professionally. If viewers watched that scene and the connection she’s drawing between all these different types of experiences and still don’t understand that Rupert is abusive, that’s on them.

I’ve been filtering through my thoughts on Rebecca knowing Rupert was married, and how that intersects with her experience finding her father cheating. In a lot of ways, I think Deborah is the key to all of this. Even if Rebecca didn’t confront her mother, she tried to, and her mother shut it down to the point of giving her still very young daughter the silent treatment for months while she was away at university. Even though it wasn’t Deborah’s fault that she was getting cheated on any more than it was Rebecca’s fault that Rupert manipulated her or that Rupert cheated on her too, I think Deborah’s refusal to go there with her daughter had an incredibly toxic impact on Rebecca’s sense of self-worth. I think she probably felt very unspecial, very alone—even with friends and a job and who knows what other relationships—and even if she didn’t, even if she felt fine, suddenly she couldn’t imagine life without Rupert making her feel special. It’s tragic and messy and I think it’s a really good character choice for Rebecca to have had the level of knowledge she had. It also mirrors the knowledge someone like Nathan has, deep down, about the good and bad in people, while he very understandably makes this choice to align himself with West Ham and with Rupert even as Rupert is throwing away his car and making choices for him and twisting him into thinking that’s respect.

This was such an incredible Roy episode. I find it interesting and really wonderful that Rebecca’s been aware of the breakup for days or weeks (and Higgins, too, unless Keeley didn’t tell him why she needed to sob into his clean shirt) and didn’t tell any of Roy’s colleagues even though these are all people in her world, too. Everyone else at the club tries their best—and Roy does end up needing some help and direction for articulating his feelings more—but they’re all really outward in their displays of sympathy. I really like that Rebecca, who went through probably the most nightmarish breakup on this show so far, is the one who’s most circumspect about it all.

There’s just so much. So much. Roy having held this grudge against Trent since he was seventeen, feelings deeply hurt by adjectives in a newspaper, then going on to embody at least some of those adjectives (but effectively! And with talent! But not always with intention!) for the rest of his career. It makes it so moving to think about Roy telling the team not to share anything with Trent. I like that Roy appears to have taken at face value Ted being over the article Trent posted about him; it feels like this may be yet another thing Roy has attempted and failed to process on his own, another difference between Roy and other people, where Roy carries around this old newspaper clip for decades but Ted has “healed” in a matter of months. (Not that all this was directly in the text of the show, but I think it’s really telling that the Trent thing is the source of the first true conflict between Ted and Roy where Ted ends up needing to very assertively provide Roy with some direction.) It’s all so intricate, all the different shower conversations, and Roy’s revelation about why maybe he shouldn’t have left Chelsea so hastily being something he needed to hear himself say (because of Keeley) and also something Ted needed to hear Roy say at this time of being very aware of what he’s left behind in Kansas and even more crucially aware that he’s got a decision to make about Richmond. Roy doesn’t know that Ted is questioning his value so profoundly, and it made everything that happened in that final scene so !!!!!!!! And Ted kind of plays it up, batting his eyelashes and talking about how lucky it is he and Roy met, and of course it’s both of their wild leaving-things-early decisions that got them to this place, and maybe Ted can start to see how good that is even if he’s still got a lot to sift through. And then he’s alone in the office and his face becomes this entirely different thing. <3

(And I do like that Trent is there to witness a lot of that. I really enjoyed his role in this episode and I think I’ll enjoy the layer of storytelling and awareness he lends to the various football and feelings arcs this season. I think Trent is a fun character who brings out something interesting in basically everyone he interacts with. I’ve never been that compelled by him in a fannish way, though. He can be fun to think about, but I don’t really ship him with anyone and I don’t find the fanon around him very interesting. Is this the most shocking and divisive thing I’ve ever said in one of these! Maybe! It makes me very happy that so many people are Trent girlies [all gender]! I am just not one of them! But season 3 is making me care!)

Keeley is the Ted of PR! Ted is the Keeley of football! Ted almost faints when he finds out Roy and Keeley broke up! He’s there for both of them! He’s a good friend! And Keeley is having such a little Ted journey in the wild yet staid world of KJPR. I really like that it’s clear now that she didn’t hire that team; a larger firm has clearly made these placements. It makes me have lots of questions about the nature of the firm’s investments in her. Everything with Shandy was brilliant. I was chatting with a friend (hi @theodore-lasso) who pointed out that Keeley has possibly taken Rebecca’s “hire your best friend” advice a bit too literally. Yes, Shandy has industry knowledge, but Keeley might not be ready to simultaneously navigate insisting that Barbara treat everyone with respect while also setting boundaries with Shandy in that we cannot simply be expensing mimosas at work. I think it’s fascinating that Keeley has never once described her career shift as “getting out” and has never articulated—or even seemed to experience—any shame over topless modeling or any of her previous jobs, nor have Rebecca, Roy, Keeley, Nathan, Higgins, or anyone else in her life who she’s talked work with made any assumptions about that. (Ted covering up the photo in 1x1 feels adjacent to that kind of judgment, but to me it’s always felt like a judgment of Jamie Tartt’s judgment rather than a reflection on Keeley’s own judgment.) So it’s so fascinating to me that Shandy, a person doing the same work, is the first person to express that perspective. And Keeley just immediately gets her out. Immediately hires her. Seeing both the real goodness in that—it’s very Ted “I don’t wanna bench Roy because he’s going through a lot of emotions and he needs this” Lasso of her—and the ways she’s making things more complicated for herself is so fascinating. I’m here for it.

And Beard! Beard! Reduced largely to pitch-perfect, hilarious shrieks for this episode, he somehow still manages to be wonderful. And if I had fewer feelings about the look on Ted’s face when Beard matter-of-factly tells Ted he can’t pass along his hello to Jane because she still finds their relationship threatening…fewer feelings about that would mean I could say more. It hurts. So much. And yet I was so relieved to see that dynamic in Ted and Beard’s relationship because I think it makes it clear that either Ted really is going to need to become a “threat” to Jane (he’s already taken Rebecca’s feedback in terms of fighting back for her and for the team [“our team”...not over it], and he’s already made it clear that Roy needed to get over himself and deal with the Trent thing, so maybe he’s in his growing-vertebrae era. And even if we don’t ever see Ted interact with Jane, it could be just as satisfying for him to be honest with Beard about everything he’s observing.

Side note: I loved the “hope you aren’t late” joke Ted is ready with as soon as he finds out Beard is going to a play about menstrual cycles. I love that the quickness between them almost never falters even when things are hard.

Side note: Ted’s Breakup Mix!

Side note: Higgins’ convoluted connections! The comedic rhythm he and Rebecca (and Keeley, when she’s around, and Ted, when he’s around) have this season is so good.

Side note: As someone who watched my first Hallmark movie specifically so I could write fic for the holiday exchange, Ted’s entire speech about Hallmark movies was so incredible and had me losing my entire mind. I think I literally had my hands clapped over my mouth. My wife was supportively laughing at me.

Not a side note but every feeling in the world: Many more people have observed this already, but the contrast between Rupert showing up to a bar every day and claiming he’s there without expectation just because it’s worth it to be near Rebecca vs. Ted showing up with the biscuits every day very much with a stated purpose—they can’t be good partners without getting to know each other well—makes my little Ted/Rebecca heart soar. It explains so much about why she was so resistant to the biscuit tradition at first, as well as the great significance of why she’s come to rely on it.

There are a million other things. This episode was really rich and layered. I loved s1 for its perfection—its confidence bolting out of the gate and establishing a world I wanted to live in. I loved s2 for its pain and mess and soul. But so far s3 is really, really earning its place as an answer to both of those contrasting experiences, and I’m so excited for more.

#ted lasso #meta by me #ted lasso meta #ted lasso s3 spoilers #ted lasso 3x2 #hot dork club

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frooogscream · 5 months

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So David making the show gayer and listening to his collaborators... is a bad thing. Even if you weren't twisting his words, you're not making the point you think you are.

I did never say anything like that, what I sad is that the show was never supposed to be so queer in the beginning and that pretty much all of the queer details about the characters came from the queer actors. My conclusion was not “David Jenkins bad because he didn’t want to make a queer show”, my conclusion was “it is beautiful that these queer people poured their hearts into it and created something with a lot of meaning for other queer people”.

Yes I also used phrases like “we were never even supposed to have what we got” and “This show was NEVER supposed to give us beautiful things and treat it’s queer characters with “kindness”! It was NEVER supposed to be for queer people!”, implying that I personally felt like s2 made some choices that I, with my personal experience as a queer person was disappointed in (such as cutting all the poly scenes and killing of the older queer characters right after giving him a coming out arc, in doing so removing an actor who is very vocally supportive of trans people which I, as a trans person appreciate and used the opportunity on convention panels to talk about queer rights and removing the only of the three most central characters in s2 actually played by a queer person, etc.).

But that was just a tiny and implied undertone in an overwhelmingly positive post, in which I praise the cast of the show. And for the record, I DO think that it is great that DJ made these adjustments, I work in theater and occasionally in film and know that it is also not uncommon or bad to make changes as the project evolves and actors flesh out the roles more. I simply pointed out that he is not the one who originally had the ideas to make it this queer and that he originally didn’t plan to let the main queer love story end with a happy ending. Firstly this is not a bad thing, there are a lot of shows out there that aren’t queer, no body is “required” to make queer shows. Secondly where the hell am I twisting his words, he LITERALLY said all of the things I listed as changes towards a more queer show himself and you can find all the interviews linked in the source I gave in my post! Again the over all tone of my post was “oh my god, look what crazy info I stumbled upon and isn’t it fucking fantastic that these gorgeous queers have turned this regular show into something that means so much to us”. And that you manage to take that positive post and read something sooooo negative into it, just because someone dares to say that maybe David isn’t this amazing queer rights activist that some fans make him out to be and didn’t plan on making a revolutionary queer show, is honestly baffling to me.

I am also not “trying to make any point”, this is my personal block with barely 30 followers where I described my personal feelings towards factually true information and my personal feelings are:

I fucking love Vico, I fucking love Con, I fucking love Kristian (also Nathan and every queer person who worked on this behind the scenes) but I’m not gonna kiss David Jenkins feet for something that wasn’t even his idea, I don’t “owe” a cis straight guy who dosnt understand half of why the things his queer cast came up with are so important, gratitude. I gladly and freely extend a big fucking chunk of gratitude to queer actors who put their heart and soul into their queer roles way more then they are required to. Hope this helps.

#the gentlebeardies are at it again #now you can’t even compliment the actors anymore without being a hater #ofmd season 2 #ofmd drama #ofmd #ofmd s2 #ofmd discourse #fandom culture #why the fuck is this fandom so toxic #why are you going into peoples post just to tell them they like the wrong things about a show #I don’t purposefully search for gentlebeard posts just to yell at them that actually Stizzy is way better #If you disagree with a take based on actual show facts argue about it in a polite way #If you dislike a take ignore/block and move on but don’t come at people screeching “you’re wrong/not making the point you think you make”#our flag means death #toxic fandom #ofmd 2 #david jenkins

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slytherinlesbians · 6 months

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Whumptober 2023, Day 17: Collar/Touch aversion/"Leave me alone."

“Reid?” Hotch’s voice is cautious when he knocks on the door of Spencer’s apartment late that night. Gideon assured Hotch he got Spencer home safe, and that their youngest agent wanted to be left alone. Hotch isn’t sure that leaving Spencer alone after the events of the Nathan Harris case is such a good idea, no matter what Gideon says. “It’s Hotch.”

There’s movement behind the door, then hesitation. Then finally, an exhausted Spencer Reid opens the door to his supervisor. His hair is still wet from the shower where he no doubt spent a long time scrubbing the blood off his hands - his arms are red and raw looking to prove it. He’s paler than usual, and the bags under his eyes look more prominent despite the fact it’s only been a couple of hours since Hotch last saw him. He’s dressed more casually than Hotch has ever seen him - socked feet, checkered pajama pants and a faded Caltech t-shirt. He stares at Hotch for a moment, like he doesn’t really believe he’s there, then finally speaks.

“We don’t have a case, do we?” His voice is hoarse.

“No, nothing like that,” Hotch says hurriedly. “I just came to check on you.”

“Gideon already did that,” Spencer says dully. He avoids Hotch’s stare, which isn’t unusual, but Hotch can see Spencer growing in discomfort the longer they stand here. He starts twisting his fingers together, looking anywhere but the man in front of him, fidgeting where he stands.

“Can I come in a moment?” Hotch asks gently, and Spencer sucks in a breath.

“I’d really rather you leave me alone,” he says, but there’s no conviction in his words.

“Just for a moment, while you hear what I have to say. Then if you’d still like me to leave after that, I’ll do so.”

Spencer hesitates, then nods. He steps out of the way for Hotch and shuts the door gently behind him. He leads the way over to the couch, somewhat awkwardly.

“Coffee?” Spencer asks.

“No, thank you,” Hotch says as he takes a seat on the couch. “I’ll be awake all night. Haley would not be happy with me,” he tries to joke, but Spencer doesn't even crack half a smile. He takes a seat on the same couch as Hotch, but leaves a decent distance between them. He looks down. One one hand, his fingers tap out a private rhythm. The other hand comes up to his collar nervously and starts to tug on it when Hotch begins to speak again.

“Reid - Spencer - listen. I know this case was difficult. And I know you’d rather be alone right now to decompress, which I’m happy to leave you to do in a moment, or I’m happy to stay for, and you can do whatever you need to do - I won’t judge,” Hotch says, trying to keep his voice light. Spencer flushes, still avoiding his gaze. He knows Spencer is still getting used to being around a group of people that really don’t mind if he stims at work, and he still feels a lot of shame about it. It saddens Hotch that Spencer is yet to see how much the team cares for him, how different this is to his childhood where he didn’t have any support.

“I just need you to listen to me first. This case… has not been kind to you. It happens, a case affecting one of us more than the others. You’ve seen it. And whatever you may be feeling is okay. It can be difficult, processing something like this on your own, and I just wanted you to know that if you need some help understanding what it is you’re feeling, I am happy to discuss it with you. It’s no trouble.”

Spencer continues to stare down frowning, hands knotted together. Hotch waits patiently for his response.

“Thanks,” Spencer says quietly after a moment, still avoiding his boss’ gaze. “I appreciate it. But I don’t really know what I’m feeling, so I don’t know how to process it.”

“That’s fine,” Hotch says quickly. “That’s normal. It may hit you later, so I just want you to be aware the offer stands for anytime.”

“Thanks,” Spencer says again. They’re both silent for a moment.

“I’ll head off if you’d rather be alone now,” Hotch says. “But is there anything I can do for you before I leave?”

“I-,” Spencer starts, then cuts himself off, heat rising in his cheeks again. Hotch waits, but when it’s clear Spencer isn’t going to continue, he prods gently. “Reid?”

Nothing.

“Spencer?”

“There is something,” Spencer practically whispers.

“Name it.”

The youngest agent exhales a shaky breath, then finally looks up at his supervisor. “Can I - have a hug?” he asks, his voice cracking slightly.

Hotch is frozen in surprise for a second - not because he’s unwilling, but simply out of shock - Spencer is usually so averse to touch, the request leaves him a little gobsmacked.

“Nevermind,” Spencer mutters, looking away. “It was stupid, you can go now, thanks for stopping by-,”

Hotch scoots closer to Spencer on the couch and wraps his arms around the younger agent. Spencer exhales against Hotch’s chest, reciprocating and squeezing him back tightly. Hotch can feel Spencer’s tenseness begin to melt away, and he’s relieved.

“It’s not stupid,” Hotch says, and Spencer shuts his eyes. “Anytime, Spencer.”

#whumptober2023 #no.17 #collar #touch aversion #“leave me alone.”#criminal minds #fanfiction #blood tw #spencer reid #aaron hotchner #dad hotch #hotch is spencer's dad i will not be taking any criticism at this time

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pearlnareff · 2 months

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Last time I asked you about Nathan for the character ask game, so... Could I get 1, 7, 13, 22 and 25 for Keith this time, please? 😃💙

Ahhh! Keith! 1. Why do you like or dislike this character? He is just so precious and honestly subverted all of my expectations on what he was going to be like (which I'll go into with #25.) He's just. So kind and it feels like he's not just trying to keep up an image or a front, he really just wants to genuinely be that good person people can rely on, ya know?

7. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like? Does "Ship him with Nathan" count as an answer? Cause I sure love it when they do that xDD I also just love it when people manage to keep him wholesome.

13. What's an emoji, an emoticon and/or any symbol that reminds you of this character or you think the character would use a lot? He strikes me as a good ol' 😄guy. Though I really wouldn't doubt that he uses the dog emoji a lot. I have this feeling that when he figured out he could use emoji, he started doing so a lot. Maybe not MEGA obnoxiously, but still a lot lol

22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to this character? Something you don't like? I have to admit I actually haven't read a lot of Tiger and Bunny fanfictions! I would like to read more, but brain gets in the way far too often fja;eofjwfi 25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now? Okay fam. 100% honest to God, I was absolutely convinced Keith Goodman was going to be evil. I was So Sure that there was going to be some plot twist where "oh the king of heroes is actually just pretending to be a nice guy but turns out he's a major bad guy" Like! In hindsight, I think that maybe that wouldn't have been such a twist cause... ya know. White Man, Justice :D, top of his group. Like Usually those characters tend to be jerks in the end. But!! The major twist to me was that he isn't evil and is actually just a really nice guy. One could say that he's actually a... Good man oaefj;oef Seriously he had all the makings to be so evil but he is literally the opposite and I love him so much for that

#thank you for the ask!

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cozza-frenzy · 2 months

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Update on the Fusion Situation

Well, like Caddy I think posted a few days ago, we just underwent a huge fusion phase. We're half-jokingly referring to it as Fuse-A-Palooza because it's one of those "if you didn't laugh you'd cry" kind of things. There's a sense that things might have stopped for now, so now we're left picking up the pieces. None of our front triggers are working, and our internal logic for how things connect together is still currently broken. If you look out of a window there's nothing but a black void; if you go through a door that's supposed to take you into an adjacent area, it dumps you somewhere completely random. So most everyone is just sheltering in place where they are, and that's left most of us stranded and unable to front until it repairs itself.

But, let's get to the point. Our headcount has gone way down since this started; a lot of us have fused or have undergone drastic shifts. We've gone from 39 to I think 28 as of my last count. Don't get me wrong, this is a good thing - this is what healing with Dissociative Identity Disorder can look like, and chances are we were never supposed to have so many fragments in the first place. Having 30 years of unresolved trauma meant we ended up with multiple superfluous splits; so this was our brain finally making the necessary connections between them, and "tidying up". That doesn't mean we won't miss them, though. Limited personality or not, they meant a lot to us while they were here - they were our friends, our lovers, our siblings, our children. Even those of us that escaped fusion won't escape the mixed feelings that come with alters being different, or ceasing to exist as individuals. There's a list of who fused under the cut, and we'll be slowly updating our alter list to reflect any new, fused alters, and changes in pronouns where applicable. Ironically, it might take some time to recover from this major step in our recovery; but we'll make it through somehow, as we always do. Four of us are working as hard as we can to keep lines of communication open and re-establish connections, so we'll soon find our new normal. Thanks for the well-wishes. We love and appreciate our friends, family, and allies in the Mad Community. - Terry & Nathan

Nocturne + Lucille -> Amadeus (It/Dark/Claw) "Thirteen" + Fox -> Fox was absorbed, retained identity of "Thirteen" (She/He) Terry + Rocky -> Rocky was absorbed, retained identity of Terry (Toon/They/Fin) Anarchy + Roxanne -> Riot (She/They/Bun/Paint) Chaos + Treacher + Gadget -> Treacher and Gadget were absorbed, retained identity of Chaos (It/Twist/Spin) Ari + Hyi -> Astera (It/She) Caddy + "Skull" (+ Treacher + Ari's "remnants") -> Gerry (He/It/They) Andy + Jackie -> "Alex" (He/She) (Possible Placeholder Name) Velocity + Radeon -> "Jazz" (She/They) (Possible Placeholder Name) Vimes (He/Him) -> Seems to have "elaborated" and is no longer a fragment Bitter (He/Him) -> Seems to have "elaborated" and is no longer a fragment

#Shit Terry Says #Turn Your Gaze #Adventures in OSDD #The Magbox Idiot Box #Dissociative Identity Disorder #Putting this in the tag because I feel like we owe it to the community to share our experience #Fusion can be a scary and stressful thing while it's happening even if it's ultimately for the good of the system #Just don't be weird or mean about this or anon is going OFF #Endos and Endo Supporters DNI

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lovesongbracket · 1 year

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Reminder: Vote based on the song, not the artist or specific recording! The tracks referenced are the original artist, aside from a few rare cases where a cover is the most widely known.

Lyrics, videos, info, and notable covers under the cut. (Spotify playlist available in pinned post)

Lay All Your Love On Me

Written By: Björn Ulvaeus & Benny Andersson

Artist: ABBA

Released: 1981

Cover included: Amanda Seyfried & Dominic Cooper for Mamma Mia!, 2008

“Lay All Your Love On Me” explores the high emotions and passions that can emerge when falling in love, and documents one woman’s shift into erratic behaviors as she falls under the spell of her new lover. The song hit number one in the US dance charts in 1981, but has lasted in popularity over the years, becoming an ABBA staple. It was featured in the band’s jukebox musical (and its movie adaption), Mamma Mia, and in 2006 was named the 60th greatest dance song of all time by Slant magazine.

[Verse 1] I wasn't jealous before we met Now every woman I see is a potential threat And I'm possessive, it isn't nice You've heard me saying that smoking was my only vice [Pre-Chorus] But now it isn't true Now everything is new And all I've learned has overturned I beg of you [Chorus] Don't go wasting your emotion Lay all your love on me [Verse 2] It was like shooting a sitting duck A little small talk, a smile, and baby, I was stuck I still don't know what you've done with me A grown-up woman should never fall so easily [Pre-Chorus] I feel a kind of fear When I don't have you near Unsatisfied, I skip my pride I beg you, dear [Chorus] Don't go wasting your emotion Lay all your love on me Don't go sharing your devotion Lay all your love on me [Verse 3] I've had a few little love affairs They didn't last very long and they've been pretty scarce I used to think that was sensible It makes the truth even more incomprehensible [Pre-Chorus] 'Cause everything is new And everything is you And all I've learned has overturned What can I do? [Chorus] Don't go wasting your emotion Lay all your love on me Don't go sharing your devotion Lay all your love on me Don't go wasting your emotion Lay all your love on me Don't go sharing your devotion Lay all your love on me Don't go wasting your emotion Lay all your love on me

youtube

Chasing Cars

Written By: Jonny Quinn, Paul Wilson, Tom Simpson, Nathan Connolly & Gary Lightbody

Artist: Snow Patrol

Released: 2006

Cover included: The Wind and the Wave, 2015

This slow-building ballad is Snow Patrol’s biggest-selling single. A main driving force behind the song’s success was its inclusion at the end of the Grey’s Anatomy Season 2 finale. In an interview with Take 5 Gary Lightbody says: “The track wasn’t even featured on the iTunes top 100, and then an hour after the show, it was number 1. So that’s the impact of TV right there." About the song, he said in a interview with Rolling Stone: “It’s the purest love song that I’ve ever written. There’s no knife-in-the-back twist. When I read these lyrics back, I was like, ‘Oh, that’s weird.’ All the other love songs I’ve written have a dark edge."

[Verse 1] We'll do it all Everything On our own We don't need Anything or anyone [Chorus] If I lay here If I just lay here Would you lie with me and just forget the world? [Verse 2] I don't quite know How to say How I feel Those three words Are said too much They're not enough [Chorus] If I lay here If I just lay here Would you lie with me and just forget the world? Forget what we're told Before we get too old Show me a garden that's burstin' into life [Verse 3] Let's waste time Chasing cars Around our heads I need your grace To remind me To find my own [Chorus] If I lay here If I just lay here Would you lie with me and just forget the world? Forget what we're told Before we get too old Show me a garden that's burstin' into life [Bridge] All that I am All that I ever was Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see I don't know where Confused about how, as well Just know that these things will never change for us at all [Chorus] If I lay here If I just lay here Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

youtube

#abba #lay all your love on me #mamma mia!#amanda seyfried #dominic cooper #chasing cars #snow patrol #gary lightbody #the wind and the wave #polls #poll tournament #poll bracket #tournament #bracket #lovesongbracket #round2 #Youtube

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isleofair · 5 months

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8 TV Shows to Get Know Me

Thank you so much for the tag, @starwalkersdream!!! 💙💙💙

Let's see...

1. Tiger & Bunny - current obsession (as in, nearly 2 years on now and still going strong), an amazing mixture of genres that hits the spot incredibly well for me, contains my utmost Blorbos Nathan and Keith and OTP FireSky, but pretty much every single character is absolutely fantastic and will at some point surprise you.

2. Yuri!!! On Ice - my favorite, my comfort watch, a watershed in my anime history, possibly the best soundtrack of any show I know, amazing characters, figure skating, and an actual plot twist?!? Amazing.

3. Star Trek: The Next Generation - I grew up with it and I think it shaped a lot of my views on morality, ethics and what it means to be human (Data, my beloved, my first Blorbo, decades before the word Blorbo was a thing 🥹).

5. The X-Files - You can't see this show at 13 and not receive some kind of brainrot, lol. Mostly it was related to madly shipping Mulder and Sully before I could even fully realize how freaking WILD they were being about each other; but there's also something to be said about spending your teenage years waiting for the reveal of THE TRUTH THAT WAS OUT THERE, only to then realize absolutely no one EVER had any idea where they were going with the mythology of the show in the first place.

5. Sailor Moon - You can't see Haruka Tenou at 13 and end up straight.

6. Supernatural - but for all that is holy, don't actually watch it. Just know that I did, all the way through, from when it first started airing in 2005 to when it ended (?) in absolute MADNESS in November 2020, and I received about 372639446827483 d10s of psychic damage from it.

7. Stargate Atlantis - Look at John Sheppard. Examine his amazing technicolor allergy to even the most minute and remote trace of emotional communication. Know that I had a MASSIVE crush on him. Realize why my long term relationship did not end well.

8. Anime Sanjushi - Okay, maybe three other people have ever even heard of this one (like, on Tumblr as a whole), but the way it made Dumas's novel so cool and easily palatable to little kid me, with a great mix of action and humor and nice feelings, and most of all giving me the absolute gift of that version of Aramis is just... Chef's kiss. Another deep childhood influence on me.

I've already tagged people in stuff today, and I don't want to spam anyone's notifications, so: if you see this and want to play, consider yourself tagged! 💙💙💙

#tag game #tv shows

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spaceorphan18 · 1 month

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X-Men 97 Episodes 1 and 2 Review

Okay! My thoughts on the new X-Men Animated series on Disney+

I'm going full on spoiler-y, so I'll put it under a cut

Okay - so over all tone/atmosphere/nostalgia stuff...

I think they did a really good job recapturing the feel of the original animated show. I'm not sure I love the throw back to the messier animation style, but it works. It's also more adult, too -- there's more explicit violence, and the adult themes are a little more present. I'm sure it was intentional because I think this is made, less for actual kids, and more for people who grew up with the original show who are now adults.

I think the second episode was stronger than the first. The first felt a lot like, not even a where are they now, but a - let's throw back to sentinels and the issues at hand. And. Meh. I've never been a fan of the sentinels. I did like the second episode kind of expanding and exploring the world more. I think it set the stage, more, for the show that they want to do....

The Introduction of Sunspot: I've never been a huge fan of the New Mutants (I'm sorry!) but his incorporation of being a young mutant new to this world worked really well. I kind of loved his attitude and his energy did exactly what it needed to!

Jubilee: Oh, she was so annoying in the original -- so it was nice to see she wasn't in this. She works for me, and I'm curious as to what they do with her - as she's the only one who didn't really get a trajectory spelled out for them.

(Also as an aside - there are new voice actors and I think they all do a really great job.)

Beast: I don't think he got much to do, either, but he was his delightful self. I really hope he continues to add a great flavor to the show.

Bishop: It's nice that he's now included -- but I wish they would have done more with him!

Morph: Was really there for all the cameos and sometimes comic relief.

It makes me super curious as to who else will show up in this show. I hope they don't try to cram everyone into this first season...

Which reminds me.... Professor X is still in the opening credits. But he died in the previous series. So.... ??

Wolverine: I'm so grateful that he wasn't front and center. I get so tired of Wolverine-centric things, and they included him very much as a team member. I still kind of eye roll the lusting after Jean thing, but one of my favorite moments is him figuring out that Jean is in labor.

Cyclops: Oh ole Cyke with all of his demons. But they made him so much more interesting than in the original series where he was so dull and dry. And they did some interesting things with this powers, so I'm curious as to where they go with this...

Jean: Look, if you guys know the original show, you know how annoying Jean Grey was. It took me really reading the comics to have an appreciation for her, because she was by far my least favorite part of the show. She just... was so useless most of the time. And I was grateful that they've made her less so here but....

The twist: OMG THAT'S ANOTHER JEAN GREY AT THE DOOR WHAT??? Look, guys, I was surprised when they had her give birth so early, but they're doing the whole Cyclops/Jean/Madilyn Pryor/baby Nathan mess and I am so here for it. I have my popcorn ready because it's such a disaster and yes, please give me all the clone drama. Because I find it hilarious. And I have no personal care about how it works out....

Storm: My girl! MY GIRL! I love Storm so much, and she really shines in this. She is so. good. And then she loses her powers, and they're doing what the original show did -- referencing the comics in a big way. There's a whole arc about Storm losing her powers (though that was during the 80s) but it was so good for her character development. I'm super curious if they're going to let Storm go through that same journey as in the comics.

And as an aside - I kind of wonder if they're going to let each of the characters (or group of characters) have their own focus? That is how the old show worked. Hmmmm....

Gambit: Is going through his 90s slutty fashion phase and I love that for him.

(More on him in a minute.)

Magneto: *side-eyes* Okay. ... Okay. They did the whole Trail of Magneto thing, and I think where they're going is interesting. it works. But there's going to be a flip at some point. I mean, y'all know that is coming.

I just... whatever. You know what I'm going to say, I will get there...

Rogue: My dear love Rogue.

I didn't love her delivering the baby -- that's not how... oh whatever. Her powers are often nebulous.

That's not what you want to hear me talk about anyway.

Okay, guys, okay.... here's my thing. I get it. I get it i get it i get it. But of all the things they've decided to resurrect from the comics -- the love triangle from hell -- the very reason I stopped comics for half a decade, i just... okay.

So. Yes. Rogue and Magneto had a fling in the comics. Once very briefly before Gambit was even created. And one very tedious time later when I decided I didn't have to read such crap and stopped reading comics all together until Rogue dumped his ass and came back to the X-Men (it's... a very long story).

I get the why here -- Rogue's story has always been her powers and controlling them and longing to touch, etc, etc. It's one of the reasons I liked her so much originally. There was a tragedy there.

I do think it's kind of weird that they retconned a previous relationship when there wasn't one in XMen TAS. But it is comics accurate. And there's a full story about Rogue figuring her shit out. I get what they're setting up here. (I mean -- unless they throw us a complete curveball and go the Age of Apocalypse time line where Magneto and Rogue are married -- but I don't think they will? If they did, I probably would let this go because I couldn't with this.)

I don't love it. I've made my peace with the fact that it is a thing that happened in the comics. And it helps that Rogue and Gambit have been happily married for the past six years (and that's a long time in comic years) and have put all of this past stuff behind them.

If the story plays out the way I'm sure it will, then I'll ultimately be fine with it. I did like the smaller moments we did get between Rogue and Gambit. There's definitely a connection there. And they're definitely pulling the whole love triangle thing with Gambit seeing stuff at the end of episode 2.

I just... don't want him to be a sad sack through the rest of the series. And I don't want Rogue's entire story to be about her relationship with two men. All of these characters deserve better than this.

But -- overall, I did like the show. I'm curious to see what they do with it. And just hope they don't try to cram too much into it - because they do have a ton of characters and a lot to service.

What did you guys think??

I may have to rethink our friendship if any of y'all are rooting for Rogue and Magneto. But <3 <3 anyway.

#xmen #x men 97

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