#but alas i must work on my portfolio

[cpprcoyote]

I'm working on a short film, so I don't have time to do all the fantastic scenes I wanna paint, so here are some imodna doodles instead.

#critical role #critical role fanart #laudna #imogen #pate #chip's art #imogen temult #pate de rolo #critical role 3 #just over here wanting to paint cr wbn and bg3 fanart #but alas i must work on my portfolio #maybe if im feeling confident i will share some of my wips for the short film u-u #whos to say

[positivelyghastly]

Resisting the urge to draw horny Terzo so I can make progress with my portfolio 😔

#personal #I’ve had an idea in my notes app for the last week and I keep opening it to stare at it like a widow with a portrait of her husband #alas. I must keep going with my portfolio because I’m behind #I’m trying to work on my traditional skills after 6 ish years of mostly digital art and oh dear god I’m rusty

[bokutosmochi]

status: CLOSED

A DATE WITH U

greetings from bokutosmochi!

as head confectioner of bokutosmochi, i would like to give thanks to all seven hundred followers of our beloved company as well as every person who supports our content by liking, commenting, and reblogging our works.

a time for celebration

in order to celebrate this wonderful milestone, we have decided to hold the A DATE WITH U event where you are given a chance to go on a date with your beloved blorbo.

tagging the moots: @rxmera​ @sandwichbokuroo​ @jxbsbokuto​ @semisgroupie​ @falloutkeiji @rosesandtoshi @krystalgaia @kemakoshume @jotatetsuken @roses-flyingin-sky @lushiyo @munsonsins @yuujispinkhair @r-oronoa @romiyaro @sukunastoy @xshinigamikittenx @utahimeow @portfolio-of-dreams @tetsuswhores @boyfrwenz @alterbubs @tiddieluvr @toji-bunny-girl @nyaaaaanma @evanescentlight @margoswrld @jujutsukatsuki @aizumie @keigosmelody 

click read more if interested

MECHANICS:

send in a character of your choice from the following fandoms: haikyuu!!, jujutsu kaisen, and obey me!, as well as a treat of your choice and i will write a drabble based on your input.

i will accept fourteen requests, and hopefully will post them from february first to the fourteenth aka valentine's day

in order to join, submit your request through my ask box. request must include blorbo of your choice, an icy treat, whether sfw (excluding angst/no comfort) or nsfw [if none is chosen, i'll just go with what i think would be best], whether fem or gn reader, and triggers you would want me to avoid (although i am not writing any dark content for this event)

request template: hi mochi! can i please join your a date with u event? i think ice cream bites with gojo satoru would be fun. sfw + gn!reader, no trigger to be mindful of, but please make it fluffy, thank you!

one request per person!

icy treat can only be repeated twice [i'll inform you if what you chose has already been requested twice], but there are no character repeat limits.

WHO DO I WRITE FOR?

HAIKYUU!!: hinata shoyo, kageyama tobio, oikawa toru, iwaizumi hajime, wakatoshi ushijima, tendo satori, semi eita, bokuto kotaro, kuroo tetsuro, kozume kenma, miya atsumu, suna rintaro

JUJUTSU KAISEN: itadori yuji, kugisaki nobara, maki zenin, gojo satoru, geto suguru, nanami kento, fushiguro toji

OBEY ME!: mammon (i don't have a good grip on the other characters yet, and i had to uninstall it 😭😭)

MENU:

ICE CREAM BITES: ice cream shop date

ROOT BEER FLOAT: arcade date

ICE CREAM SANDWICH: park date

ICE CREAM CREPE: art gallery date

TAIYAKI: pottery class date

ROLLED ICE CREAM: painting date

DRINKABLE ICE CREAM: aquarium date

PIE ALA MODE: dinner date

ASTRONAUT ICE CREAM: movie date

GIANT DIPPIN DOTS: baking date

MASTERLIST:

day one: THE JELLYFISH AND THE PIRANHA drinkable ice cream for miya atsumu

day two: CREAMY STICKY ice cream bites for fushiguro toji

day three: MEMENTO MORI ice cream crepe for zenin maki

day four: A HEART MADE OF CLAY taiyaki for tendo satori

day five: PUT YOUR HEAD ON MY SHOULDER astronaut ice cream for mammon

day six: UNDENIABLY YOURS ice cream bites for kozume kenma

day seven: GET INTO IT YUH root beer float for geto suguru

day eight: I'M LOOKING RIGHT AT OTHER HALF OF ME ice cream sandwich for bokuto kotaro

day nine: PAINT ME LIKE ONE OF YOUR FRENCH GIRLS rolled ice cream with gojo satoru

day ten: HOW TO: HAVE MAMMON COOK FOR YOU pie ala mode for mammon

day eleven: THE CINEMA'S EMOTIONAL IMPACT astronaut ice cream with itadori yuji

day twelve: MILES UP SHORE WITH A PADDLE root beer float with gojo satoru

day thirteen: TEASE pie ala mode for nanami kento

day fourteen: SNOW FROSTED BLONDE HAIR giant dippin dots for nanami kento

#a date with u event #nanami smut #nanami x reader #gojo smut #gojo x reader #geto smut #geto x reader #toji smut #toji x reader #jjk smut #jjk x reader #bokuto smut #kuroo smut #bokuto x reader #kuroo x reader #hq smut #hq x reader

[kittyrob0t]

I will type this while im still feeling pretentious

in a good way, don't get me wrong. Lately, I've been feeling an overwhelming need to learn new languages, read books again, shift the music I listen to, and simplify the clothes I wear. Albeit, this might be temporary for now, I am clinging on to this momentary idealization of a want for this lifestyle. I know at my age, it will be difficult to learn a new language, and hopeless considering it might be a barren skill to have if I'm never even going to leave the country sooner or at all. But alas, my brain has decided to do something, and I must follow. This is more and more showing up as a stage of mania and ADHD, which I will ignore, and proceed with. In the past I've always wanted to learn new things, and have always failed because I use life as an excuse to forget or even tire of doing such things. I've also always wanted to have a simpler wardrobe with better pieces but have failed as well because I always put front that I am a victim of capitalism and am not privileged enough to afford slow fashion. Hence my repetition of clothes despite having a ton of them. I no longer enjoy making coffee, I make it, but finish it in less than 10 minutes without actually savoring it. Even the process itself. Which I know sounds ludicrous but I just miss romanticizing the small bits of life as I have been eternally depressed to do so.

I started the last three months with a labor some skincare routine, I now can't seem to be bothered. And I have been in an eternal melancholy for weeks that honestly feel like months. And maybe it has been months, I don't really remember. I haven't really had a fair grasp on time since five years ago. I also have this idea of reading these blog entries in videos I want to create, but it might be too much and overwhelming, and as I'm typing this, maybe its better to keep two separate mediums for now. Especially since I haven't even started video taping anything. It's also funny how I've never talked about filming anything in the first paragraph and now I'm blabbering on about it.

As for my quietness, I am in a pit to be honest. I am currently going in no sure direction with my career and now that I have finally stepped up, am coming to a long stop, I think most probably I am. Sometimes I get sputters of ideas that maybe I should do more work on my portfolio, but I can never find the time to do it, because I always think I'm better off doing something better at that moment. And then it all gets faded out, until a desperate happening comes into my life and I think about it again, and the cycle continues. I currently am working three jobs, one full time, two part time ones that feel like the other one is in disguise. It's a lot more needy than I am, and the fact that I'm depressed doesn't help. I am also currently processing training sessions for a voice acting gig that will last for 6 months and can probably pay for 3 years of rent, for a French web company about to launch audio smut. My desperation for money has definitely made me tolerate some red flags my employer has been showing, especially the time I asked for a contract and he sent me a two-sentence PDF with two underlines for signatures, five minutes later.

Someone has also been 'managing' me, in music, and have been singing as a back up for an indie rapper that seemingly only has intense rhythmic pop in his discography. Most of our shows either has my mic set to the lowest volume; either that, or my voice is incredibly low and quiet, and in decibels the naked ear can't hear, If that's even a phrase. But even then, I still value the 500-1000 peso bills I receive after (under) performing. I seem to think I get better with each performance, but whenever I get off, I always hear the feedback that I seem to have not existed there at all. And to be honest, I don't know what to feel. But I don't feel sad at all. There's certainly a humor to it. Feels like being a ghost employee in a band, paid to be silent.

I've also some to admit that I'm terribly disappointed with how my life is going, but often forget that I am, because of the little tiny happy moments that happen in between, that when I do remember, I feel a little worse that I don't know how to tell people how miserable I am because I feel that the time has passed.

I am currently determined on being alone, as I am weighing if I truly enjoy it because I get to so many things I plan on doing, or maybe I'm just genuinely busy; or that I am just glutted with the presence of other people, and have tremendously low energy to associate myself with. Which by the way, worries me that I may seem like a bitch.

#entry #update #how are you #writer's entry #personal

[pixiedoodlein]

M is on board w/ home school until she and little guy are vaccinated. Honestly if it were just her I’d lie and say she’s 12 to get her a shot now and send her (not that it would have time to kick in) but since he won’t be vaccinated either the risk isn’t worth it (I am more scared of legal ramifications if she were to get severe side effects from the too large dose than I am about potential side effects themselves, hello family court trauma). September will be a very challenging month schedule wise. I’m starting my job 9/13 and while it will mostly be remote, there’s a lot of in-office the first week. A also has his first project for his (our) new business, ten days of work for waaaaay better money than he was making working for someone else, also right when I’m starting my job, must be completed by the end of September. It’s two hours away so rather than commuting (we have one car) we are probably all going to go to a pet-friendly air bnb in that town, I’ll commute to my office as needed, and he will finagle his work schedule around that. It will be very hectic but would be impossible if M were in school, so in addition to the covid concerns, another plus for home school. I can set her up with reading and work while I’m working remotely. The toddler and the puppy are the real issues, “the twins” are wild maniacs. We have been working with an awesome forester (who hopefully didn’t give us cove, I try to only be outdoors together and he keeps stepping closer and I keep backing away) to bring our forest up to its full potential, he and A spent two weeks surveying the property and he’s been teaching A how to manage the trees himself as he is nearing retirement. We are selling some ash before it dies to let light in for other trees. The forester has an MBA and is trying to manage this like an investment portfolio, so the next cut, in 7-10 years will be smaller but more lucrative, to finance at least some of M’s college. Even this relatively meager cut led to a lot of money, more than we were expecting. It went out to bid at the end of last week and we got a check yesterday (more than enough to cover our mortgage for a year, but alas much of it must go to my amex bill, house projects, and business stuff). Which is all to say that I am feeling comfy financially and wish I hadn’t agreed to such an early start date, it would be mush easier if I didn’t have to start my job until A’s is done.

[punkscowardschampions]

James & Ava

James: Good morning

James: how are you, darling?

Ava: Sleepy 🥱

Ava: but all the better starting my day with you, of course

Ava: how about you? 😊

James: hopeful that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, because likewise

James: & my cautious optimism doesn’t extend to the viewing I’m currently heading to

Ava: Oh, how have they oversold this one, I wonder

Ava: the adverts are nothing short of epic fiction

Ava: there should be awards for how they can spin any - into like +++

Ava: Where are you headed?

James: it would be inspirational if I were solely doing research for the novel but alas I need a suitable study first

James: [somewhere that’s one of the places we discounted]

Ava: I can believe estate agents are all unfulfilled creatives, definitely

Ava: I’ll 🤞 all my fingers and toes that it’s the one

Ava: though I could tell you more pubs and clubs in that area than nurseries…

James: absolutely up there with the teaching profession in terms of both dashed dreams setting them on that path & a litany of thankless tasks once they get there

James: thank you though

James: I’ll let you know if it constitutes enough of a disaster to warrant theoretically drowning my sorrows, after all, there isn’t a huge difference between some of the clubs Teddy frequents & soft play so I’ve no doubt my aide for today would be thrilled to hear every suggestion

Ava: You cannot make me feel bad for teachers today

Ava: not when Mr Hawthorne has beat you to it with the against argument in the form of his 🥱 inducing lectures

Ava: 😅 I don’t think foam parties are safe for anyone, 1-year-olds especially so though

James: there’s an argument to be made that I possess the ability to do so, however, if I’m going to use my powers of persuasion for anything 😈 I would argue it is indeed wasted on Mr Hawthorne

James: oh well in that case, the hunt for my sister’s baby shower venue also continues

Ava: If you used your powers of persuasions on Mr Hawthorne, I might be a tiny bit jealous

Ava: not to mention almost as confused as he would undoubtedly be

Ava: Joy of joys

Ava: it would be typical for that to be added to your to-do list as well, but at least a place for grown women to eat chocolate bars out of nappies isn’t as much like gold dust as a decent place in central

James: I’m jealous that he’s spending time with you right now, despite your attention being less than rapt & therefore promise to do nothing that benefits him in any way whatsoever

James: including, but not limited to, refusing to assist you in the homework he intends to set by being as distracting as I can later as well as now

James: you’re not wrong, but she is her belief that to this day I remain blacklisted by an extremely high percentage of clubs, thus sparing me being delegated the role even in these hypothetical planning stages

Ava: That would be a wild rumour, even for this place

Ava: and what can I say? You’re more worthy of my time and attention

Ava: as you’ve just proved 😍

Ava: Definite blessing in disguise

Ava: Will it be a women-only event?

James: I’d be lying if I didn’t say I miss you & am always willing to prove how much at every given opportunity

James: god, I hope so, even a foam party isn’t enough of an incentive to get me there if I am expected

Ava: I miss you too

Ava: I can come see you tonight though, if you’re free

Ava: sadly, I don’t think I can make a soft-play date so that’ll have to be just you two

Ava: and you’re lucky, I’ve been to so many baby showers it’s not even funny

James: I’m supposed to work late to make up the time I’ve taken off this morning but I can do that when you’re busy

James: that’s a shame, I’ll have to throw myself in the ball pit

James: time will tell if you have an invite to Diana’s, what’s incredibly lucky is that she won’t expect you to actually attend regardless of how you RSVP

Ava: Only if you’re sure

Ava: my plans can always be more fluid than yours

Ava: Ugh 😞 I’d LOVE to push you into a ball pit right now, life is unfair

Ava: I don’t think she was impressed with my party-planning skills enough to put in that call

James: I am very sure that I want to spend tonight with you instead of at the office

James: & I’m also suddenly determined to create our very own ball pit in the new place

James: [pictures like which room do you think we should fill with plastic balls lol but let’s say it’s all really small]

James: having to forgo a traditional master bedroom isn’t at all unfair, I’ll obviously sleep like a baby among the balls

Ava: 🥰

Ava: An absolute must

Ava: why brag of a ‘cosy’ third bedroom when you can boast a gigantic ball pit

Ava: I bet the girls would be more than willing for you to do that too

Ava: Party house has a whole new meaning 🥳

James: indeed

Ava: I hope there’s not too many people there this time though, really

James: I think there are more people here than at the last viewing we went to, impossible as that sounds

Ava: 😫 How, where do all these people spring from?!

Ava: At least you’re far more eligible than most young professionals

Ava: If I was looking for a model renter

James: what a pity you aren't, your rooftop garden has much greater appeal for this particular young professional, not least because I've seen its existence with my own eyes

Ava: If my landlords weren’t so involved…

Ava: This place is far too big for us now

James: hopefully they won't drag you along on yet more insufferable viewings if, or when, they decide to downsize since you're an undeniable pro now, because for that, there would only so many apologies I can offer you

Ava: I’m sure mum’s already getting the planning permission sorted for if and when

Ava: Sadly their portfolio doesn’t extend to a reasonable price range, I did ask

Ava: but if it isn’t something that would get her in Architect Digest, or whatever, she’s not interested so

Ava: As you said, it would be fun in a way, if all this looking didn’t mean you were still without your perfect family home

Ava: It takes people watching to a new level, and seeing the landlord’s ‘decor’ choices is also as revealing

James: it's okay, being indebted to my own parents is quite enough

James: it's becoming clear if my father visualizes me living here it's because he's done a drastic rewrite of the type of young professional I am

James: I could see you here, for instance, in a draft where I don't exist as your love interest, but in terms of a family home, perfect of otherwise, where we'd put Frank & the children is anyone's guess

James: perhaps some of these people are imagining wild architecture projects the likes of which your mother would have to act undaunted by, who's to say

Ava: I don’t love that rewrite

Ava: Frank is particularly demanding with how much space he needs to recline, relax, snooze and sleep…

Ava: You’ll find somewhere soon, I know it

Ava: If nothing else, this dull lesson is giving me all the time to refresh and refresh and repeat every listing I can find

James: cautious optimism as ever for our 2nd attempt

James: [deets because I'm gonna say that this is one he ends up loving that falls through somehow at some stage because how real and frustrating and then she can be the one who finds their forever home and they can look at it together]

Ava: Okay, I can picture that one

Ava: light and airy isn’t actually a lie this time, what a concept

Ava: 😍

Ava: All the rooms are a good size so you wouldn’t feel as if either girl was getting the short straw, and you won’t have to settle for sleeping amongst the balls either

James: I do have a genuinely good feeling about it, terrifying as that is to admit in our present surroundings where it feels as though someone will sense it & immediately swoop in, but yes

Ava: I know

Ava: It’s one of those things

Ava: You have to be cautious, because so many roadblocks are between you and the end goal

Ava: but similarly, how can you be, when it’s such a big life thing

Ava: You can be as honest and optimistic as you like with me, it doesn’t need to go any further, shark-like buyers and the girls alike

James: we aren’t anywhere close to the stressful moving in stage & I’m already acutely aware that I wouldn’t have survived up until now without your help, so I will, as long as you know the continued support is appreciated beyond words or any other measure

Ava: Stressful, but fun

Ava: you get to pick what colour your new room is 😌

Ava: It’ll be reward enough, to see you get the fresh start you deserve

James: [whatever her fave colour is] of course

James: then you won’t mind seeing me covered from head to toe in it, potentially indefinitely, when we discover I can’t fit in the tub at the new place either

Ava: Oh, I don’t think I would mind that no matter the colour

Ava: but I also would not mind you having an amazing shower so we could take care of that

James: if there isn’t I won’t mind adding it to my renovations to-do list

Ava: As long as I’m on that list too I’m happy

James: the top of any list I write is where I’m happy to put you

Ava: If you put in a bid, you should do it at/even over asking price, so they’ll take attention of you and then you can make a list of repairs/quality checks etc you want done before you agree to move in, then if they do them, they’re done for you, but more likely, they’ll not want to, and you can say take that cost off my offer then

Ava: one of the 💡 tips I’ve picked up and you’d undoubtedly thought of yourself but there we go

James: here’s where I could nod & keep up the pretense to avoid giving away what a total novice I am, but there’s very little point given than you know I’ve never done this, & a list of countless other things as long as my arm, for myself before

James: instead I’ll just take your advice & thank you accordingly

Ava: There’s so much we don’t get prepared for

Ava: even under normal circumstances

Ava: It isn’t as if I was told that at school, or I get told anything vaguely useful on the day-to-day by Hawthorne or any of the others worse or marginally better than him

Ava: You shouldn’t feel like you’re alone in feeling unprepared, is what I’m failing to say

Ava: Lots of people feel it, that’s why I could never just stay here, in the bubble of SW forever

James: don’t worry, you aren’t failing at anything where this conversation is concerned & whilst it is somewhat overwhelming at times, I don’t feel alone because I’ve got you to talk it through with

James: what that school taught me, all that living here has taught me, was how to avoid facing up to situations by lying & name dropping, which probably would assist me in climbing the property ladder but I’d rather be honest, if the bubble bursts as a result, I’m prepared for that from now on

Ava: I’m proud of you

Ava: and the girls will be too

Ava: It can be fun, and there are some good people here, just as there are everywhere

Ava: but outside of the postcode, the currency of who you know and where you went to school, it’s just not real, irrelevant

Ava: I don’t want to rely on my parents’ hard work, let alone someone else’s father knowing the crest on my blazer, you know

James: yes, I know exactly what having to rely on my father feels like, it isn’t fun or something to be proud of & it definitely isn’t a precedent I’d like to keep setting for my daughters

James: the stark reality & contrast of this fresh start needs to happen soon, while I still have Jay here to teach

Ava: She’s not going anywhere

James: she’s going to have to meet him eventually even if that’s under the guise of him being one of my old friends or your brother

Ava: And I understand that that’s fair

Ava: to him, I don’t know how to feel about it in regards to Jay, and it’s not even my job to so I know how hard this must be for you

Ava: but that doesn’t mean he should get to ‘keep’ her, for God’s sake, she has had no idea who he is until now, you’re her dad

James: I have to hope that he’ll understand that too, he’s not the villain here, as much as it would make my life easier to paint him as such

Ava: I hope so too

James: it’ll be okay, for her, I don’t know if I can make the same promise for us but I want to be able to

Ava: Don’t put yourself down like that

Ava: It wouldn’t be okay if she lost you

James: she isn’t going to lose me whatever Buster decides to do next, things may have to change but never that drastically, I’ll always be in her life

Ava: Providing he plays that nicely

Ava: I’m just scared he’ll do something that drastic, and stupid

James: if he doesn’t I won’t, I’m not afraid to fight fire with fire should that be the only option he leaves me with

Ava: Good

Ava: I wish I could promise it won’t be

Ava: but I don’t know what he will be prepared to do, so you should be prepared for any and all eventualities too

James: I am, my marriage made sure I was equipped to anticipate the unexpected & not to expect rational responses

Ava: Yeah, of course

Ava: Still no word from Chloe?

James: no & no trace of a belated birthday card

Ava: Typical

Ava: Good thing Mattie got spoiled by you and had a great party already

James: Jay is devastated she has to wait so long for you to throw one for her though, maybe we can find a way to cater the housewarming party to her

Ava: Awh, bless her

Ava: If there’s one thing Chelsea HAS taught me, is that you only need a vague notion of an idea to have a party and celebrate

Ava: Does she like fireworks?

James: she LOVES fireworks, if you weren’t in Dublin she’d have insisted you come with us to [wherever we’re gonna go see some on the night]

Ava: I am pretty gutted I can’t

Ava: but I’ll have to get some sparklers, probably not Catherine Wheels or Roman Candles, and do a belated bonfire themed do for her

Ava: smores are a good idea any night

James: I wonder if she’ll expect us to dye her hair red, orange or yellow this time

Ava: 😬 accidentally set a precedent

Ava: thank god for washouts

James: I’ll do what I can to have her convinced that face paint is a much better idea by the time you get back but she’s no Mr Hawthorne so

Ava: I admire a girl who requires more than a persuasive essay

Ava: you’ll have a great time

Ava: 🤞 the endless family drama doesn’t get in the way of me having one too

James: no amount of Catherine Wheels or Roman Candles could prevent me from being on the end of the phone whether you aren’t having a great time or simply want to tell me how much fun it is

Ava: You’re the best ❤️

Ava: It should be fine

Ava: If anything, hopefully someone else is bringing more drama than my parents or siblings could accuse me of, then it’ll really give them a bit of perspective 🤫

James: if your family resembles the dynamic of mine even slightly I won’t have to keep anything crossed in order to make that happen for you, but of course I will nevertheless, just in case

Ava: How soon is too soon to clue you in on my mad family dynamic 🤔😅

Ava: Maybe when you’re in your new home, so you have a door to politely shut in my face

James: having never kept an air of mystery there I can understand why you’d want to, but I would never christen my new front door like that

Ava: It was like an unspoken rule, when Buster was here too

Ava: I don’t really care that much, and anyway, he broke it big time

Ava: Every family has struggles and secrets, or are long overdue their share if not

James: I couldn’t agree more, my mother acts as though nobody else has skeletons hung up next to their hideously expensive coats & we must stay silent come what may, but she’s the last person to feign shock when any of said secrets inevitably come out

Ava: It’s such a waste of time and energy

Ava: not to mention resolves precisely (0) of said troubles, if and when they can be

Ava: I’m so glad you don’t want to keep up pretenses together

Ava: wouldn’t make for a very interesting story

James: exactly, if I adhered to her code of silence I wouldn’t have gone to rehab or spent any time & energy on recovery, god knows what trouble I’d be in right now in that instance, but we certainly wouldn’t have this plotline to delight in

Ava: Being dubious about the potential results, maybe

Ava: but the idea your own mum would rather you suffer in silence, literally, is beyond me

James: it’s an attitude worthy of an outdated classic novel, for sure, that we can all take ourselves in hand & address our flaws with a firm word or two but she isn’t alone in her 'you don't need outside help, you just need to learn and then follow through with setting your own limits' mentality

James: in my parents' defence I was still young, despite the baby I wasn't looking after properly or the wedding I don't remember very much of at all, & I know they'd argue, if pressed, that was the main reason for their anti-rehab stance

James: therefore, I'd like to believe, however naively perhaps, on this occasion it isn't entirely about saving face with yet more pretense but rather a glimpse at some character development for both of them, if only so the novel isn't doomed by one dimensional subplots, naturally

Ava: I can see that too, again, a lot of people’s problems go unaddressed or at least are allowed to get worse because the person is ‘too young’ for it to either be a problem, or it is something they will ‘bounce back’ from once they ‘calm down’ and mature

Ava: It doesn’t make your parents the devil, I wouldn’t suggest as much, nor the first people to fall into that trap

Ava: There are definitely instances of the exact same mindset I can point to within my own family

Ava: We’d all like to see the best in people, and sometimes, that desire lets us down

James: regardless this viewing has yet to let me down unlike the previous

James: I wish you were here

Ava: With any luck, I’ll be able to come see it with you next time

Ava: The pictures look great, trying to keep the optimism at the cautious level still but 🤞🤞😌

James: need I remind you I like your optimism as unabashed as your excitement

Ava: You don’t need to

Ava: but I wouldn’t be opposed

James: [tell her about whatever cute and romantic plans you've sorted for you two tonight so she'll be happy and excited]

Ava: How have you managed to sort that whilst at these viewings and also with Mattie 😍

James: it appears I’m guilty of similarly high levels of enthusiasm & so the greater crime would be letting it go to waste

Ava: AND being an excellent multi-tasker AND AND an even greater romantic

James: Mattie can & will take full credit for the former but the romanticism is a newly acquired skill that I’m still trying to find my feet with, & entirely down to you

Ava: I should feel bad for keeping it all for myself

James: I disagree but I’ll happily rush through the book’s publication if sharing will make you feel better

Ava: Should doesn’t mean would or could

Ava: because I don’t

Ava: It’s nice not being secret, but I’m still happy keeping you to myself for a while longer

James: oh good, because I’d rather continue to multitask like this than on a novel deadline

Ava: Being anything but a reprieve from all the other drains on your time is not very romantic heroine of me, so never

Ava: what would the readers think

James: you’ve got me there, by evoking how fickle our readers are more than likely to prove themselves to be, but I don’t think you have anything to worry about

Ava: You either think the protagonist is ‘relatable’ or you hate her because you deserve the love interest far more than her

James: nobody deserves me more than you, they’ll have no choice but to appreciate you

Ava: James

James: Ava

Ava: I can’t wait to see you later

James: can I pick you up from school or do you need to go home first?

Ava: I don’t need to go home 😊

James: I’ll see you there then, unfortunately, I have work to get back to & I’ve kept you from yours for longer than I responsibly should have, lest you end up at Kings after all

Ava: 🙄 I’m sure my career’s officer would tell me they’re higher in the rankings or something else that isn’t going to change my mind more than your experience and my own, however brief

Ava: If I were rating them on chance, perfect meetings, however

Ava: A++

Ava: I’ll see you later then, try not to get TOO exhausted by soft play 😏❤️

James: I’ll be certain to tell them now that’s not a secret, it wouldn’t surprise me if they used us a ringing endorsement for some kind of meet-cute society to take place weekly in The Vault

James: the allure of soft play meanwhile needs no advertising, with or without any single mothers trying to engineer romantic entanglements of their own

Ava: I’ll square that with my conscience and you run that gauntlet, love

James: I’ll do my best

[thesaakshirworld-blog]

The next steps:

Unfortunately, the Masters life has alas, come to an end. It was definitely a bumpy ride due to covid19, but I definitely can see the difference from my first portfolio to my last portfolio.. I have indeed grown as a designer- softwares, 3D modelling, 2D technical drawings and even visual collages! Matte paintings have been my favorite to explore into.

In all honesty, this course would have not been possible without the support and guidance of our amazing tutors: Lucy, Hester and Owain! Also, faculty and staff who helped us along the way: be it thesis writing, 3D printing, etc! Our crit guests provided invaluable guidance as well.. so can't thank everyone enough!

I have also found my strengths as a designer and I must say I have developed a strong sense of style as well. I have found a way to merge my love for typography and delicate designs in order to have a strong outcome ✨

Too hot to sit out, but trying to change my scenery by facing my garden.. and working on my next career steps. The next step would be to look at for jobs in my current hometown: Dubai. Hopefully, once the situation gets better in UK- I can return back to Kent and hopefully apply for jobs with studios/ companies there. After all, a piece of my heart is left behind...💛

[the-creat0r]

I went and kissed everyone in the game. I would loved to record it but my computer wouldnt handle it, but I got it in text! It’ll be put under the readmore ;-)

Jerafina Tabouli: Ooooohhhh! ;-) The feeling is mutual?

Say yes; Is that soooOOOooooo... We should get a coffee sometiiime. Maybe some “spaghettiiiiiiiiiiii..” ;-)

Say no; Ohhh, don’t play with my heeeaaaarrt, flower heeeero. ;-(

Parsley Botch: WOW! A KISS! This will do for SOME flavor... It smells like... Martin. ... I-I mean martinis. Oh well, it’s the thought that counts, you know.

Jimothan Botch: So, you’re the type that’s into dads, huh?

Say yes; Well well well. You know, I used to be a brawny fella back in my day... ...Tuesday! Just kidding. Heh. That’s a goof for ya. But hey, I’m down to get back into my old routine with a new workout partner. We could go to the gym... Get some pullups and crunches... Maybe even a deadlift or two! Heck, we can get JACKED. They don’t call me Gym-othan for nothin’, you know.

Say no; Then get out of here. Just kidding. I’m still a dad. And you can stay.

Tiff Webber: That’s awfully cute, ain’t it. Is this from you?

Say yes; You’re a sweetie. But not my sweetie. I’m taking things slowly, for now. I’m newly single, but this is still a little forward for me. Not quite my tempo. No trouble, I’m sure you’ll find someone who feels just as headstrong. Tell you what. The next time I sing Habit’s “Row Row Row Your Throat,” I’ll dedicate it to you.

Say no; Ah, a “secret admirer.” You don’t have to tell me twice. Well, I hope my “secret admirer” gets the courage to invite me to one of her tipsy karaoke sessions.

Nat Vancey: Oh, delivering kisses now, are you. Huuuh. Bleh. It’s probably from that loud kid who thinks he’s a wolf. What was his name... Tractor... or something... I don’t care. He said he thinks I’m really cool because I have “dazzling vampire fangs.” Which... ew. My eyes are up here. Well, I guess I have this dumb kiss now. I’m just gonna, uh... ..drop it, into the pond or something.

Mirphy Fotoparat: EXCUSE YOU! Excuse your mouth! You’re completely off your rocker if you think you can just... ...KISS me! Yuck. I’m SO BUSY over here taking pictures of this fish. And admiring this Butt Pic. I’ve got work to do! Ground to break! A portfolio to FINESSE! You and I have a professional relationship only. If you think doing a favor gives you the right to kiss me... you’re no better than Dallas.

Dallas Smuth: Whoaaa, a kiss... in the flesh... on MY flesh... Someone actually liked me enough to like, have one delivered. Like, thank you flower delivery palll. ... .... ..... W-wait friend... is this from you??

Say yes; What!! It’s been DAYS since we like, totally hung out, and you didn’t tell me you totally wanted to smooch. Come to think, you’ve, like, really set me straight, flower kid. You showed me the error in my ways for suuure. I thought Mirphy was my muse... when it was really you.

Say no; No note huh... some mystery babe is leavin me dreamin... Tell them like, thank you, and please send more. Heeheheh.

Randy Hapukurk: A kiss, is what I see, a kiss! From whom, I do not know, maybe from YOU, I wonder, I do. But I am oh-so happy nonetheless. My cheeks says thank-a you, kiss-giver. Mwah-mwah!

Millie Coulro: EW! I’LL HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS, FREAK!! IT’S GOING STRAIGHT INTO THE TRASH. I ain’t gonna huck lips at NO-BODY, you HEAR. I DON’T WANT COOTIES!!! AND IM LIKE 6!!!! If you’re not careful, you’re next in line to catch a golf ball in the eye.

Trencil Varnnia: Oh my. A single kiss, planted on my cheek. I truly cannot blame you. My graceful, demure disposition excludes intense beauty. Alas, fatherhood is a full time job. I will not be wooed by plant or animal. You must be careful, lest you fall under my uncontrollable spell. Protect yourself, dear flower-whisperer.

Marv Truncler: OoH! Why, yuh ran me an errand! Brought me sum lips you did. These are the best bait around. You can only catch certain fish with a kiss you know. He then names an ungodly list of fish which I am not typing out

Ronbo: Ohh, a kiss.. M’scuse me, it’s been a while. I appreciate the affection. But romance is serious. And that’s not quite what I need right now. Hnk. To be honest, I’m not sure what I need. You’ve helped me plenty. Now I need t’help myself a bit. But if’ya ever have a kiss t’give... feel free to bring it here. Ta ta for now, sweet flower.

Putunia Mollar: AH! FLOWER CADET, GOOD WORK! YOU HAVE BROUGHT BACK A TOOL OF THE ENEMY! LIPS, KISSES I SAY THEY’RE EVIL!! I HEARD THE GREEN MENACE THINKS THEY’RE USEFUL FOR HIS PLANTS. I MEAN HIS “PLANS.” ITS VILLAINOUS. GET RID OF IT.

Gillis Soco: NO! WHA-! KISSING IS FOR SOFTIES WITH NOTHING BETTER TO DO. I’M THE MOST MACHO GUY AROUND. I’VE GOT NO NEED FOR SMOOCHINGS. ..GO ON, GET OUTTA HERE.

Kiss again; HEY! Stop giving me affection I don’t need it... I’m... a lone macho cowboy. I don’t need any love. ...not a bit.

Kiss again; Stop that!... It’s totally la... Lame.. la....... lovely... Oh, you’ve hit me in my soft spot, yet again... You’re really the life of the party, you know... I’m gonna cry...

Gerry Podunk: OH! Oh golly gosh!! Finally, I, Gerry Podunk, can giv’ th’ kiss I’ve always wanted to, to dear sweet Martha. Oh no... I think she migh’ve heard’m that.

Trevor Garbo: TH... THIS... must... be... from Nat! My Forbidden Love... ...two houses.. Both alike in dignity, you see... Nat and I are destined to be together... but alas... SOCIETY deems us enemies. Perhaps our love can finally end the feud of Good versus Evil... ...Light versus Darkness!.. VAMPIRES VERSUS SUPER COOL SHAPESHIFTING ELECTRIC WEREWOLVES... ... Well, maybe I’ll ask her to prom or something.

Wallus Breadbear: ... I haven’t had one of these in a long time... A kiss... I’ll keep it safe, until it is my time to leave my hole.. You know... and give it to the right person... Thank you for passing it on to me.

Questionette: !!!!!!! ....... :-//) !!!!!

Borbra Luddington: OH MY GOODNESS, MY GOLLY GOSHES! I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS. A KISSUS FOR THE MISSUS. EVERYTHING IS MOVING SO FAST! HOW CAN THIS BE!

Tim Tam: STOLEN.

Lulia Fame: Oh... oh goodness...! I... I would recognize these lips from anywhere. Are these from the tipsy lady in the lounge?

Say yes; I... I don’t know what to say. I wish she’d give them to me herself, ahahaha. Excuse me. I’m a little giddy.

Say no; Oh... then... could it be... from You, dear?

>Say yes; ...!!! Why, I’m flattered Fortunate indeed. You have shown me that in more than one way. Once all of this nonsense is over... someday, meet me in the Big City. My name will be in bright, shiny lights by then. You know where to find me. We’ll go on all kinds of adventures. Until then, toodles, dear.

>Say no; Oh... I see. Then it must be from another. Sigh. It’s tough being this pretty.

Kamal Bora: WOW!!! I’VE NEVER KISSED A CELEBRITY LIKE YOU... OR... ANYONE... Oh-no, oh-no, now I’m so nervous!! Too nervouse! My heads gonna spin right off my body!! WHAT DOES IT MEAN!!

Dr Habit Neutral Ending: .... WH WHAT! I... . don’t understand. . Why would you... Ah... I see. You want to stop fighting. Isn’t that right?

Say yes; I’m all mixed up. I don’t know what you are trying to do to me. No one has kissed me since... Since... My Lily. I would give up everything to see that flower again. ...I can’t hurt you. It would be wrong of me. If I let you go, will you leave me be?

>Say yes; Then you’re free to leave,. I admit, it’s an anticlimax... I only wish things might have gone differently. Perhaps in another life they did, Protagonist.

Dr Habit True Ending: OH! A... you’re... you’re... smooching... ...I haven’t gotten a smooch like that since I first met my Lily. You’re... sweet... Flower Child. Perhaps... The Sweetest. Thank you.

#smile for me #sfm jerafina tabouli #sfm parsley botch #sfm jimothan botch #sfm tiff webber #sfm nat vancey #sfm mirphy fotoparat #sfm dallas smuth #sfm randy hapukurk #sfm millie coulro #sfm trencil varnnia #sfm marv truncler #sfm trevor garbo #sfm ronbo #sfm putunia mollar #sfm gillis soco #sfm gerry podunk #sfm wallus breadbear #sfm questionette #sfm borbra luddington #sfm tim tam #sfm lulia fame #sfm kamal bora #sfm dr habit #sfm spoilers #text post #long post #habit was my favorite #gillis came a CLOSE 2nd #memeprince talks

[sirjustice260-blog]

Some mathermatics

With security lights u can buy the solar generator or wind, small 1 like linz and place up the poles to avoid the looted expensive solar batteries, inverter and timer, wasting cash payers money or the volunteer.                         

https://guardx.en.made-in-china.com/product/jBTJZgIlrXrw/China-100-600W-High-Efficiency-Mini-Wind-Alternator-12V-Windmill-Wind-Generator-Wind-Power-Turbine-for-Home.html

Water Guard if u buy, once opened if u use the next time, though still much, it does not work much forcing ya to buy a new bottle from somewhere hoping the reverse but the same, i know not if an old gimmick to get extra-cash from people as they have became open thieves.

Please place the same on big water container and add dough to make water guard tablets to avoid the Former case gimmicks where u hurl cold water into the treated sewer water dough mixture as explained below

I know how to dance, as 1 woman was caught saying she hates kebi kiddish dance, dancing like kangaroo, women its just this way like, kinda, on his tip toe and the hands swinging on air. Najua kudance danshi- Read between the lines bro

Port of Mombasa will be no more cause it serves the hinterland like Uganda, Congo, Rwanda and Burundi, where such goods as machine parts heavy, phones, Home appliances and farming machines including fertilizer forms the bulk of imports as well as electric accessories like bulbs and switches which if every nation has learnt to make the same such exports and imports atrophies as Uganda exports are mined minerals like copper to China and Japan which know they know how to make artificially and including soda ash and gold. So it can handle like 10% of the originally handle goods as same to its profit portfolio to cut on jobs on port and on trucks carrying such to reduce driver and off-loading crew jobs. Mombasa and coast will be no-more bearing the fact of E-cargo drone explained below. As those nations who will have the day are of few population when they have learnt to make what they used not produce

Moch and Mag kikamaki, nisikushike, let me not caught u up, u will get to know me, i have given ya 1/10 and even Robinson and Minaj, i will be looking at ya with 1 eye wide opened while my thing not out, will be out as only 1 inch out of the 15 Cm whole part as vigorously i will be on ya top like the needle bar of charani b4 i get out altogether, changing my twist as reaching 4 places u know not as hitting this side and that side as the pussy corners, down and up parts b4 i change my mind and hit the middle now almost removing the whole my thing but not yet, until i hurl my thick lower saliva into ya thing- thup thup thup yaani mala tatu to rest on ya until u push me away all my back and booty laden not with moisture but sweet to affirm i have missed such a thing with ya. Girl cheers as we will be giving into cry as if a hen cut on the throat 1st given chance to do the same awaiting full metamorphosis of such process above

Kinda, when all dubious ways to every nation is blocked and reality surface so they dont continue doing their absurdities like with Kid/mother DNA results, you see a hand of some1 like kebi trying to push the likes of rude dignitaries like Trumputin, may, obama and any fellow doing the same as above to stop or stay away when nearing a cliff lest they fall and die or break their appendages. This signal Russia saying they got big land to bar other dubious nations from reaching the same to below the earth crust to destroy it or use it against humanity as explained below and they have to cheat the world with circumnavigation history to delude them not to undertake such motives as keep them in the dark as well as with they could dig oil and hell lands from below to bring us repercussions as now we know but alas the dredger is handy, can do that even in their lands to reach yours but luck we are we got the WiFi camera and cabled camera to check the same. So they must stop as the link of this song guide us dude

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QF2KMl5q3jI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IVQUS1SqPvM

Houses and premises above that can be targeted as well can have the above cameras below the crust at a fee or b4 building the same, u place alarm wires and high electric or alarm system that if the metallic shaft of the dredger touches sound the alarm to alert u of such activities bellow ya business or home to let the intruder know that now they are off guard with their Jew/Egyptian thing dude.To signal defeat and acceptance to let every1 live the way they wanna. As well as u see 1 pick op a knife or cocking up a gun when they have refused to hearken in an argument like u cant eat in my house as a grown up 4rever as they marshal up against ya as their Safcom hope now dashed as Ghana got their hub-tell which soon every nation like Nigeria, Uganda, Tanzania, SA, Rwanda, will soon talk to the Devil and make their own synonymous with their smartphones, motorbikes, cars and pay Tv as well as internet, meaning the profit of Safcom from those nations will decrease dramatically to reduce their profitability and thus the hiccup and relent to the free-loving things like trukana blooded.

Another they say they are Norwegian as Norwegian economy is at stake as artificial cooking gas has been explained how to be made so such customers will buy theirs as much as artificial fish to those who eat such not frequently as their eating habits monitored per customers, perpetual buyers given the caught 1 cause they can complain of bad teeth to stop buying to cut on their profits synonymous with hot made artificial tea. Dude got to be wide minded and accept people to know about this rather u will tell the world nothing as this is not out of despising people as many do. They are late in the exam yet want to pass as much as u ought to, the white-men, wamechelewa yuaani kumenuka bro, fya, In-fact in SA they are told Canada still big they can go to bro and those few black under the same threat or Australia dude

Tongue tied as MoMo Nigeria mobile money in the link below if Kenyan Safcom was opting 4 that, got to think twice as well as Senegalese owned 1 and all African nations with Mobile money platform or presences as well in the down most link

https://www.africanews.com/2019/08/29/mtn-nigeria-officially-launches-mobile-money-operations//

https://www.fintechfutures.com/2020/04/free-senegal-migrates-to-comviva-to-boost-mobile-money-offering/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/African_MobileMoney

[emrahcud]

Equity Release Schemes Launch To Help Landlords in the Buy to Let Mortgage Market

Pursuing the recent addition to the equity release market of more2life & New Life Mortgages in late 2010, we have now witness the launch of an innovative landlord mortgage which signals a degree of diversity to their lifetime mortgage account. New Life Mortgages had temporarily withdrawn from equity release market in 2009. It can be seen they have not ended up idle during this period, but instead waited for an opportunity to re-enter at the right time & with the right products. Following with from my previous article on New Life Mortgages rejoining the equity release market in November 2010, here we discuss the features & benefits to landlords of this unique equity release plan. How does this scheme work? The New Life Mortgages Landlord scheme provides a tax free cash lump sum which is based on a share of the value of the residential property & the age of the youngest applicant. Plans begin age 55 & some sort of landlord with a portfolio of upto 5 rental properties can release a percentage of the equity owned within these. This form of buy to let mortgage has NO repayment date & NO monthly repayments of capital to produce. The loan is finally repaid on the sale of the property which would be when the last surviving borrower comes with died or gone into long term care. How do I qualify? · The minimum age is 55 (for joints applicants minimum age 55 of the youngest) · The investment property must be in England & Wales · Minimum property valuation of landlord loan is £100, 000 & maximum of £1million · The minimum amount release is £25, 000 & maximum is £500, 000 · Property should be standard construction & residences over 5 storeys are excluded · If a leasehold property then 80 years must still be remaining relating to the lease · An existing mortgage must be repaid at the start of the Landlord scheme What amount can be borrowed? This is estimated on the age of the youngest owner & the valuation of the investment properties: - Age 55 - 16% Age 60 - 21% Age 65 - 26% Age 70 - 31% Age 75 - 36% Age 80 - 41% Age 85+ - 45% As an example - a 65 year old investment landlord owning an investment property valued at £200, 000 could release a capital lump sum of upto £52, 000. How does the landlord scheme compare to a normal lifetime mortgage? The scheme principally affects the same. The capital is usually raised, interest then accrues & compounds on a monthly basis and then it is repaid when the property is finally sold. That differences lie in the rental aspect of the scheme; an existing assured shorthold tenancy agreement must be in place for training course & the property should not be rented to family members. Also, there are maximum borrowing criteria, similar to a buy to allow mortgage. This states that the monthly interest which is charged cannot be more than the rental income received. What are the bills involved? · Valuation fee is dependent upon the value of the investment property · Application fee and can be added to your loan · Solicitors & additional legal fees · Fixed monthly interest rates - 6. 39% (age 55-80) & 6. 55% (age 81+) · Early repayment charges are 5% for the first 5 years. Virtually no charges after 5 years. · An advisor fee charged by your equity release specialist Practical uses in the New Life Landlord buy to let mortgage? The equity release funds can be used for many purposes. Evidently there are actually market opportunities arising in the rental market & can be seen as house prices reduce & rental yields need increased. Many bargains are there to be seen. Should any residential landlord wish to increase their property portfolio, but have got concerns over the expenditures in set up costs of buy to let mortgages then the landlord scheme can be considered. Some sort of potential landlord, who witnesses a new investment opportunity, but alas has limited funds for deposit, then the landlord equity release scheme could help. The borrower should assess the values of all properties under his buy to please let portfolio & by using the equity release calculator can establish how much equity can be released to bridge any weakness required. Another example, with the 55+ age group who are eligible for this buy to let mortgage could be several overtax implications. Should some of the landlords assets require disposal, in preference to selling the property & incurring capital gains tax, than the landlord plan can be applied for instead. Finally & the most common purpose for this scheme could be debt consolidation reasons. If some may be experiencing financial difficulties with repayment of a buy to let mortgage or other personal finances, then subject to the quantity that can be raised, then these debts could be repaid. Alternatively, the landlord could just had enough of having to pay the buy to let mortgage, but would rather be in receipt of the gross investment rental income which can in that case provide extra disposable income in retirement? Whatever the reason for a landlord releasing equity, ensure you always obtain unbiased advice from a specialist & regulated by the FSA.

[karniz]

Here’s the stuff of mine that got flagged.

[circa the past four years.]

Firstly: No, I’m not leaving Tumblr. I don’t really fall into the category of being an artist that needs to worry about their new guidelines. So I’m OK.

  Interesting choices, right? I chose to not include things like actual plain lady nipple, mainly because they’ve already outright said those are definitely sexual in nature and therefore MUST BE STOPPED. But alas... for every single lady tiddy I draw, I have illustrated over fifty male nipples.

I love me some nipple. Oh yes I do. [that post is, by the way, NOT flagged.]

  I think I am most flabbergasted at the fact that they outed my obvious Lucio-related smut. Damn. Guess the jig’s up? Hehe...

  Anywho, because everyone’s doing it, I’ll join in as well. So, for those that are leaving Tumblr for better pastures, but want to continue to see my work: follow me on my other social media platforms.

Portfolio - Noizmaker.net A more static representation of my work, doesn’t get updated often.

Twitter - https://twitter.com/karnizarchada I’ll try to rant/rammble/banter less and post more art stuff from now on.

Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/karniz Exclusive & Early Access works! Maybe I’ll make this the haven for my more adult-related arts... who knows. It’s fledgling but I hope you consider throwing me a dollar if you like my stuff. I give out a free sketch per month that you’re a patron... /eyebrow waggle

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/karnizarchada/ I post more ‘in the moment’ things like screenshots of art I am currently working on. I tend to post more original content here, since it’s far better received than on Tumblr/Twitter.

deviantART - https://www.deviantart.com/karniz Eh, not forgotten but mostly updated as I see fit.

  From now on I’ll ensure all posts I make to Tumblr will also be uploaded to Twitter. So it won’t just be a redirect like it used to be, I’ll just flat out upload the image itself.

  I’m also keeping an eye out on other platforms, because I know of the other’s that are starting up or don’t have large user bases yet. Like, I had/ve a mastodon, but for realsies, it’s not very user-intuitive.

  Anywho - love yo’ faces. XOXO ♥ Karniz

#Tumblr Exodus #Not really...

[mollyellee]

if you say that you are mine

Sebastian meets Blaine at a business social in a box at Madison Square Garden. They try to make up for lost time, until Blaine finds out Sebastian’s boss wants to buy his company. Sebastian has to prove it’s not corporate espionage, it’s begging for a second chance.

Here we go again!  It’s been a while since I’ve written anything, so hopefully I’m not too rusty.  Thanks to @seblaineaffairs​ for giving me an opportunity to post something for Seblainiversary 2018, hope you guys like it!  

m for a sprinkling of smut and language//inspired by the “should I stay or should I go” prompt from the original Seblainiversary post; title inspired by the song

Blaine likes sports. He’s never been the type of guy to memorize stats about the whole team or be able to recite the championship history in heavy detail, but he likes them.

And now that he’s divorced, he finds himself going to games by himself just because he can. Kurt would never begrudge him a day out at the ballpark, but after about an hour, he would complain about the greasy food, the inability to follow the game, and Blaine would lose all sense of enjoyment trying to make his husband happy.

So when his boss volunteers him to attend a hockey game in a private box, he jumps at the chance. His boss said that they needed some assistance getting some of their initiatives off the ground, and Blaine is the best man for the job.

When he steps in the luxury box, he is immediately taken aback. There’s a fully stocked bar, waiters mingling throughout the room, and a small crowd of at least 15-20 people.  Normally when he goes to games by himself, he sits up as far as possible, wanting to remain another anonymous face in the crowd.  Tonight, he knows he’s supposed to mingle, meet new people, and he’s fine with that.

Until he sees him.

The two haven’t interacted since high school, but Blaine would recognize Sebastian Smythe anywhere.  He’s standing near the exit of the luxury box, so close to the seats that if he took two steps to his left, he’d be invisible to Blaine, just a mystery man in a crowd of mystery men.

Then again, Sebastian has always been a little bit of a mystery to him.

And then the person talking to him leaves and Sebastian looks up, right into Blaine’s eyeline. He doesn’t look like he feels the the life changing shock that Blaine felt when he saw Sebastian, but his eyebrows do raise slightly. Blaine isn’t sure how they do this.  Do they act like they didn’t see each other? It feels like Sebastian remains stationary, but Blaine feels like he’s on a conveyor belt straight to him.  He isn’t sure how he arrives in front of Sebastian but before he knows it, he’s opening his mouth to speak.

“I wasn’t sure what I’d say if I ever saw you again.”

Sebastian still has that same self assured smirk as all those years ago, “And that’s what you went with?”

Blaine laughs and releases a breath he didn’t realize he was holding, “What’s your best line for an old friend you haven’t seen in ten years?”

Blaine notices Sebastian’s slight flinch at friend, but he’s more occupied with trying not to stare as Sebastian takes a sip of his drink, clearly buying time to think of something clever.  After swallowing and licking his lips, just to make sure Blaine sees them shining and wet, he responds.

“Still look hot in a blazer, Anderson.”

The Dalton model, blue and red and maybe just slightly too big, has been replaced with a sleek black jacket that compliments Blaine’s strong shoulders.  He rolls his eyes playfully and replies.

“Mine was better.  It implies that I’ve been thinking about you all this time.”

Sebastian sighs dramatically, “If only that were true.  But alas, you were scooped up long ago by that understudy for Tinkerbell.”

Blaine’s shoulders tense up instantly, but not because he has any residual feelings left for Kurt.  But he feels the inexplicable guilt of letting Sebastian slip out of his life.  He doesn’t want to explain everything that happened that led him to this moment, but he does want to make his current situation very clear to Sebastian, even if he’s not willing to admit the reason quite yet.

“Actually, I’m divorced, so this Peter Pan is all on his own in Neverland.”

At this, Sebastian’s eyebrows raise, intrigued, “That can’t possibly be true. You two were practically attached at the hip. Maybe that was the problem, too close for comfort?”

“I think that was more of our problem. For him anyway,” Blaine says teasingly. Sebastian is impressed. This Blaine is looser, more comfortable than the one he remembers. Maybe losing Kurt (and those horrendous bow ties) has done him some good.

Not that Sebastian would’ve expected any different.

“Well then,” he says slowly, finishing the rest of his drink and distractedly putting it on a counter next to him, “since you never grew up, why don’t we finish what we started back in high school?  My place is just a little ways uptown, care for a nightcap?”

Blaine is enjoying this.  It’s been a long time since flirting with someone made him feel excited, and the fact that it’s Sebastian, someone he always wanted but never could have, makes it feel even more thrilling.

“I bet that’s what you ask all the boys,” Blaine says with a smirk, “minus the high school thing, of course.  Unless every broken heart you left in Lima followed you to the big city.”

Sebastian leans over and murmurs low into Blaine’s ear, “For your information, it is a sacred few that make it through the hallowed halls of my home. I usually just leave them in the club bathroom when we’re finished.”

As Sebastian pulls away, they are both laughing, and Blaine feels the slightest twinge that he should stop this.  The game isn’t even half over, he hasn’t spoken to anyone about work, and he’s seriously considering doing something with Sebastian that he always thought he might regret.

“I actually should probably be talking to some of these people since this is a business function,” he responds, and pulls out a business card from his blazer pocket.  Sebastian reads it and asks, “Broadway Works Project?”

The name of the company Blaine works for is printed on the card, but he suddenly feels foolish for handing one to someone who just asked him to go home for a drink (and definitely more, but Blaine can’t focus on that right now).

“Uh yeah, it’s this little non-profit I work for.  We’re small, but we do a lot of good work, and you probably don’t care at all,” he says with a self-depricating laugh.

“I’ll have to look into it,” Sebastian responds with a warm smile, “It was good talking to you, Blaine.”

“You too,” Blaine says, and slowly makes his way to some of the other small groups forming in the room.  He makes casual conversation, explains the mission of Broadway Works Project, that they help up-and-coming actors looking to make it on Broadway with auditions, portfolios, anything they need to get their career started.  His boss had sent him to drum up support for the project, mostly monetary, but he knew Blaine’s passion for the group would show through and bring support in whatever form they could get.

And yet, as he talks and mingles, all he can think about is Sebastian. The few times he allows himself to zone out of the conversations he’s having, he looks over and Sebastian is always looking his way, a small playful smile on his face, even from across the room.

It has been a long time since Blaine did something reckless.  He’s done enough work for one night, he thinks he can afford to play a little too.  They’ll forgive him at work tomorrow.

He walks over just as Sebastian is finishing talking to an older man, and the two exchange cards.  He quirks his head to the side and smiles.  He doesn’t even have to say anything before Blaine responds to the question he asked earlier in the evening.

“All right, yeah,” he answers, “Take me home, Sebastian.”

---

Blaine should’ve known Sebastian would never take the subway, so they stand in silence as they wait for a cab outside Madison Square Garden.  It doesn’t take long, the city alive as always, but Blaine feels like he can feel his whole body vibrating as they get in and Sebastian directs the driver toward an address on the Upper West Side. He doesn’t know if it’s the thrill of going home with a hot guy, or if it’s because that guy is Sebastian, but he feels more alive than he has in a long time. When Sebastian leans back against the seat after stating the address, Blaine swears he winks at him before looking down at his phone and sending a few quick text messages.

He looks down at his own phone and sees a message from a coworker, and more importantly, an old friend.

How is the event? Get any buzz going?

She doesn’t like to be ignored, and she’ll give Blaine hell for it when she sees him tomorrow, but right now, he wants to think about nothing but Sebastian.  As the taller boy writes an email, Blaine scans his body from top to bottom.  He’s always been gorgeous, but growing older has done him so many favors.  His teenage lankiness has evolved into sharp edges that define his long legs, and the button down he’s wearing is rolled up at the sleeves so Blaine can see his toned, but not overly muscular arms.  He doesn’t even bother looking up from the email before saying, “Take a picture, it’ll last longer.”

Blaine snorts through a laugh, “And you think I’m the one with the lame lines.”

He hits send and smirks as he looks at Blaine, “I don’t think anything about you is lame.  Well, your taste in men used to be, but clearly that has improved.”

Sebastian finishes his statement just as the cab comes to a stop and Blaine is immediately in awe of the beautiful building. They step out and he waves hello to Sebastian’s doorman, as they go through the lobby to the elevator and end up on the 14th floor of a 16-story building.  The building is massive, but it appears to only have three apartments on the floor and as Sebastian unlocks the door and they move into his apartment, Blaine tries to control his eyes because he knows they must be bulging out of his head.  

They walk through the slightly narrow foyer, into a large open living area where Sebastian has a massive white couch, an extensive bar area in the corner, and a record player sitting where Blaine has his TV.  Past that though, is what takes Blaine’s breath away.  The whole wall is a large glass window, looking out on the city, lights twinkling, televised advertisements constantly changing, cars moving slowly.  There is no way any of those people below can see them, but Blaine feels like he can see everything.

Suddenly, Blaine feels nervous and slightly panicked.  His apartment is nowhere as near as nice as this place, and he realizes he hasn’t even asked Sebastian any questions about his life, his job; hell, he could be married and just looking for a little fun on the side. This last part particularly makes him panicked and he can’t help the accusation from bubbling out.

“Are you married?”

Sebastian looks over from where he’s hanging up his coat in the closet by the door and laughs, “Insulted that you think I wouldn’t be able to afford this place on my own.”

Blaine can feel his walls coming down at the familiarity, “I’m just saying, I was married, and we still could never have afforded a place like this.”

Sebastian avoids the topic, and instead opts to go over to the bar, pouring two glasses of scotch, “What happened with you and your marriage?”

Blaine sighs, “I don’t know.”

Sebastian rolls his eyes playfully, handing a glass to Blaine, “You do know, you’re just too nice to say.”

Blaine nervously throws back his drink in one gulp, amazed at how smooth it goes down, and looks up at Sebastian, his hand shaking slightly.

“I don’t know what I’m doing with you.”

Sebastian takes a sip of his drink and then takes both his and Blaine’s glasses and sets them on the shelf next to the record player, where all his albums are displayed proudly.

“Nothing yet,” he murmurs, “but I am in fact, not married, so the possibilities are endless.”

He leans down and kisses Blaine, slowly, tentatively, like he doesn’t want to scare him, but Blaine doesn’t seem scared, returning the kiss like he’s giving permission for it to continue. Sebastian effortlessly reaches out to the wall, turning off the lights and putting them in darkness save for the glow of the city around them.  Blaine gasps when he opens his eyes, letting them adjust to see the shine on Sebastian’s lips, the twinkling of the city lights behind him.

“Tell me something you don’t tell the other boys,” he says quietly.

Sebastian likes this game. He smiles, “This place was a gift from my Dad for business school graduation. After all the trouble I caused in high school, I think he was so grateful I actually did something with my life.” He doesn’t look hurt by this admission, just takes it as fact.

“Your turn, killer.”

Blaine practically goes weak at the knees at the mention of his old nickname. He and Sebastian have moved closer to the window, and the lights from the city are casting the most beautiful shadows on his face. He leans forward, placing his hand on Sebastian’s chest.

“I don’t think Kurt ever got over the insecurity he felt with you.”

This pleases Sebastian, or at least if his behavior is any indication it does. He leans down, ghosting his nose over the shell of Blaine’s ear before biting down gently on his lobe, moving to kiss down his neck. When he finally returns to Blaine’s mouth, Blaine receives his kiss easily, all while reaching for Sebastian’s shirt, unbuttoning it as quickly as possible, and sliding the shirt off his broad shoulders, stopping to stare at him in the light.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted you, Sebastian.”

“I think I do,” he says, desperation lacing his voice, “because I’ve been waiting longer.”

Sebastian reaches down, pulling Blaine’s shirt over his head and pressing him against the window. He feels Blaine arch his back and shudder and pulls away to make sure he didn’t hurt him and Blaine just smiles sheepishly.

“Cold,” he says, gesturing at the window.

“Sorry, I just want the whole world to see,” Sebastian admits and Blaine asks breathlessly, “See what?”

“That you’re mine.”

Blaine knows that Sebastian’s always been a smooth talker, but god damn is it irresistible when he can actually do something about it.

“There’s gotta be a bedroom around here somewhere, right?”

“Fuck yes there is,” Sebastian breathes out, grabbing Blaine’s hand, but keeping him close, reaching with his other hand to unbuckle his belt and dispose of his slacks. When they get into the bedroom, he gently pushes Blaine on the bed and gets rid of his own remaining clothing. When he turns around Blaine has shed the last of his clothes and is laying back on the bed. Sebastian comes closer and Blaine pulls him on top of him, close so he can feel every inch of their bodies touching. Their cocks brush and as Blaine groans lowly, Sebastian laughs breathlessly.  Blaine musters the strength to glare, but Sebastian just keeps smiling.

“I’ve waited a decade to hear you make that sound,” he admits.

“I’ll make some other ones if you play nice,” Blaine breathes out.

“Oh Blaine,” Sebastian says with a smirk, “you know I never liked to play nice.”

Without warning, he hoists Blaine’s legs up around him, leaning down again to kiss him and then murmuring close to his ear.

“Tell me again how long you’ve wanted me.”

Blaine babbles out “forever, since the moment I met you, please”, his breathing getting more labored by the second.  Sebastian wants him to elaborate, but wants something else much more. He moves as quickly as he can to the side table drawer where he easily finds a condom and his bottle of lube. Blaine shuts his eyes, hearing Sebastian pop open the bottle and it’s only when the cool sensation hits his entrance that his eyes shoot open. He looks down and sees Sebastian working his fingers in and out of him, slow at first but faster, more assured as Blaine gets more comfortable.

Blaine can see the sweat shining on Sebastian’s abs as he breathes and fuck they need to get on with it before he comes just from the sight.

“Sebastian I’m...I’m ready, just do it,” he pants out and almost instantly feels a twinge of regret because Sebastian’s fingers are gone that very next second. But before Blaine can miss them, he feels Sebastian pressing inside him slowly and he reaches up to grip the headboard, his back arching to get him closer.

Sebastian thrusts shallowly at first, but hearing Blaine’s whines and watching as he scrambles to ground himself encourages his movements.  He slams into Blaine once, testing the waters, and Blaine practically screams with pleasure.

So, yeah, he’ll definitely be doing that again.

He knows Blaine is getting desperate, so he reaches down to Blaine’s cock, bobbing hard and full between them and strokes once, twice, just to hear Blaine’s breathy moans of please and faster.  Sebastian’s strokes become more frantic, knowing he himself is close to the edge, and as he thrusts hard once more, the combination of his cock and his hand become too much for Blaine and he comes, panting as Sebastian stills for a moment, just staring at the beautiful picture in front of him, the one he had given up on ever seeing.

“Well, don’t just sit there, move,” Blaine encourages him, wanting Sebastian to have his release.  Sebastian happily obliges, pushing a few more times into Blaine’s tight heat before he’s coming, releasing Blaine’s legs from where he’s held them at his sides and drawing out of Blaine.

He rolls over onto his back and disposes of the condom.  He knows he should get up, get a wet towel to wipe the remaining traces of Blaine off of his stomach, but he can’t seem to find the strength to move.  Blaine seems to sense this so he gets up with a smile, coming back a few seconds later to wipe down Sebastian’s abs with a warm towel.

“You just wanted to touch me again,” Sebastian teases, still a little breathless.

“Yeah maybe,” Blaine replies with a smirk, throwing the towel in the bathroom and coming back to lay beside Sebastian.  They don’t say anything for a few moments, and the next time Sebastian opens his eyes, Blaine’s breathing has evened out.  He’s not usually a fan of the one night stand sleepovers, but for Blaine Anderson, he thinks he could probably make an exception.

---

When Blaine wakes up, he hears the sound of water falling and his first thought is how nice and relaxing the sound of the rain is. He opens his eyes and see his clothes scattered on the floor and smiles, feeling the soft sheets enveloping his body.  Tentatively, he reaches for his cell phone and turns it over to see the time.

It’s 9:15. Normally he would have his breakfast and be on the train from his apartment in Brooklyn by 8 am.

They are going to kill him at work. Especially since he didn’t exactly do his job last night.

He’s in full on panic mode, running around the bedroom and throwing his clothes on haphazardly.  He looks in the mirror in Sebastian’s hallway, making sure his hair is at least presentable.  He realizes that the sound isn’t the rain, it���s the shower, but he doesn’t have time to have the awkward conversation with Sebastian about what they are or aren’t, and truth be told, he’s not sure he would have any answers that he feels confident in.

After ten years apart, they had a great night, but their past is complicated.  So why not just leave it at the perfect night?

Blaine glances back toward the bathroom door, part of his heart begging him to stay.  But his sensible side takes over, and he’s knows it’s best to go.  So, he leaves without a word.  

All the while, the water is still running.

—-

“What the fuck Blaine, where have you been?!”

That’s about the reaction he expected. He places an Americano from her favorite coffee shop down the block on her desk, hoping it will placate her, but she is still glaring with her arms folded.

“Sorry, I um...got caught up after the event last night.”

If anyone had told him after high school that the person he would be seeing most often would be Santana Lopez, he wouldn’t have believed it. But ten years, two divorces and one non-profit later, here they were: co-workers, and dare Blaine say it, possibly best friends. The Broadway Works Project happened at a time when they both needed it and when they both needed a friend.  And although they had success working for the company, felt the most fulfilled they ever had at any job, both knew it had led to their hardest failures.  But they were failures they both understood, and failures they could help each other through.

“You got caught up?” She said, an eyebrow raised, and then the moment Blaine had been worrying about all the way over from Sebastian’s happened.  She’s studying his outfit a little too closely for him to not be caught.  

“Blaine Anderson, you were wearing that tie yesterday! Did you actually get some?!”

“Oh my god can you keep it down?” He’s frantically looking around, hoping Santana’s outburst doesn’t draw the attention of their boss, Charlie, who no doubt will ask Blaine how the event went last night.  Charlie is the founder of the group, and so passionate and dedicated to his mission that he would never skip out on an event to make it even greater.  Blaine knew he had let him down, but he had managed to take a few business cards before he skipped out. So that had to count for something, didn’t it?

“Spill. Now,” she says quieter, “Was it…”  She looks off into the distance, mentally scrolling through the list of attendees she casually glanced at the day before.  Neither of them had remembered seeing Sebastian’s name.  Blaine isn’t sure if that would have persuaded him to go or caused him to make an excuse not to.  He knows now, but yesterday seems a lifetime away.

“It was no one. Now can we leave it?” Blaine knows as soon as the words come out that Sebastian is far from no one but he doesn’t know what he is, and he’s not trying to figure it out now when he’s two hours late for work and has to come up with an excuse as to why he doesn’t have any intel for his boss.

She lets it go (for now), and goes back to whatever she was working on, making phone calls and screaming in Spanish to casting directors and stage managers, and Blaine considers the matter forgotten.  

It isn’t until about an hour later when he hears her stop mid-sentence and go, “I have to call you back.”

It isn’t much that makes Santana speechless, but she stops flat and stares behind Blaine. For a moment Blaine panics, thinking it’s going to be Charlie, but he is usually friendly and understanding, not a boss to be afraid of.  Both Blaine and Santana know they don’t have anything to fear from Charlie when they don’t get their work done, he just encourages them to keep at it.  So, he turns around to see who she could possibly be gaping at.

And standing in the middle of their office is Sebastian Smythe.

“Hey there Cinderella. You left so fast this morning the smoke was still clearing when I got out of the shower.”

Behind him, Blaine can hear Santana choking on her coffee and he turns around to shoot her a look.  When he turns back, Sebastian is sitting on the edge of his desk giving him that salacious grin he’s having flashbacks to.

“I...how did you find me?”

He reaches into the pocket at the front of his suit jacket and pulls out a business card.  It’s Blaine’s own.

“Your glass slipper.”

“I’m sorry, is this for real?” Santana says a little too loudly, caught between confusion, excitement and anger.  A lot of time has passed since Santana and Sebastian’s confrontation, and she’s not sure where Blaine stands on everything.  Although it does seem pretty clear that all seems to be forgotten and forgiven.

“Feels like I’m a new man since the last time we met, Santana.”  Sebastian is over by her desk now, extending his hand and Blaine nods letting her know, it’s okay I’m okay.

She accepts his handshake, “Well you look damn good, Smythe.  Still up to your wicked ways?”

“Nah, left that life behind.  Now I am but a humble PR rep for an entertainment company.”

Blaine snorts, “Yeah, so humble he has an apartment the size of Yankee Stadium.”

“You’ve been to his apartment?” Santana asks with a grin, confirming her suspicions, “Well, well, well, this is interesting.”

“Santana, please, don’t tell Charlie,” he panics, “I went to Sebastian’s last night during the event, so I...I didn’t exactly accomplish our goals.”

“Oh honey, you accomplished every goal I’ve had for you for two years.”

“Two years?” Sebastian pipes up, interested, “For someone who was out of practice, you sure didn’t seem like it.”  He and Santana exchange smiles and Blaine can feel himself turning red with embarrassment.  He had left Sebastian’s apartment without a word, hoping to avoid any awkwardness of ‘what does this all mean’, and instead he was now getting it from both sides.

“Yes, well, is there something I can help you with, Mr. Smythe? Or did you just come all this way to sex-shame me?”

Santana and Sebastian share another look and Blaine hates it already.  This closeness starting to form between them is trouble, and the last two people he wants causing trouble are his best friend and his...well, whatever Sebastian is.

“Well, Mr. Anderson,” he teases playfully, “I was hoping you might join me for a little late breakfast-early lunch.  It’s the least I can do for keeping you from your work last night.”

He’s already started saying “Sebastian, we don’t have to…” when he hears Santana exclaim “Yes!”  They both stare at her, Blaine shocked, Sebastian pleased, and she clears her throat to speak again, “Sebastian, would you mind giving Blaine and I just two seconds? He’ll be right out.”

Sebastian nods and leaves and Blaine turns back to her and hisses, “What are you doing?”

“Blaine, I haven’t seen you get this flustered over a guy in years.  In fact, I think the only other guy besides Kurt that ever made you act this way is him.  So why not take a chance and see what could be?”

“It was a one night stand, Santana.  Consider it a check off my bucket list.”

“Talking about checking off your bucket list is exactly why you need to go have lunch and flirt with a hot guy.  I’ll cover for you, say you ate some bad wings at the Garden last night and are at home barfing your face off or something.”

Blaine closes his eyes for a moment and thinks.  He never really got to travel down this road with Sebastian because his heart had been occupied from the moment they met.  Does he want to give him this chance 10 years later?

He picks up his bag, “All right, fine.  But if I end up with another slushee in my face, I’m blaming you.”

She rolls her eyes, “That level of drama is so high school.  Go get into some big boy trouble.”

He laughs and heads outside where Sebastian is ending a phone call.  He smiles when he sees Blaine walk through the door.

“If something more important came up, we can reschedule,” Blaine offers, motioning at the other man’s phone.  But Sebastian waves it off.

“No, no it’s nothing.  So, where do you want to eat?”

Blaine’s eyes alight.  If there’s one thing he loves about New York, it’s the food.  And Sebastian looks like the type to order the same sandwich from the same deli delivered to his desk every single day because he’s too busy to go out to eat.  Blaine is going to rock his world.

---

“Holy shit, this is amazing,” Sebastian moans.

Blaine is quite pleased with himself.  They are at a little Italian cafe, not far from the Broadway Works Project, but far enough that Blaine (hopefully) won’t be running into his boss while he plays hooky with the hottest ghost from his past.

“Told you,” Blaine says with a satisfied smile, thanking the waiter and leaving them alone.  Sebastian figures this is as good a time as any to ask the question again, the one he’s dying to know the answer to.

“So, come on, tell me.  What idiotic decision led to you becoming a divorcee?”

“Wow,” Blaine says, taking a long drink of water, “pretty hard hitting topics for a first date.”

“This is a date?”

“Guess I should ask the guy who stalked me at my work after a one night stand.”

“Ouch, killer,” Sebastian says with a laugh and a touch of mock hurt.

Blaine can feel himself blushing despite himself, “Stop calling me that. It makes me forget that maybe I should hate you.”

“And why is that?”

“Oh, I don’t know, you’ve made me shirk my responsibilities at work twice now, you threw rock salt in my eye, you tried endlessly to break up my relationship…”

Sebastian’s smooth facade falls for a moment and he looks genuinely remorseful, “I am sorry about what I did to you all those years ago.  I was an immature idiotic kid.  I never would have forgiven myself if I had, god forbid, blinded you or something.”

Blaine smiles warmly, “It’s forgiven.  Honest.  Although, I’m pretty sure I’m still mad at you about that other stuff.”

Sebastian shrugs, “Hey, if you had given me a chance the first time I asked, maybe you wouldn’t have had all that heartbreak to deal with.  Marriage and divorce, it’s so expensive, who needs it?”

At this, Blaine pauses, amused, “You wouldn’t have broken my heart?”

“Maybe,” Sebastian responds, noncommittal.  He knows he wasn’t perfect, never has been. “But the fact is that Kurt did and you still haven’t told me how.”

Blaine explains quickly what they do at Broadway Works Project. How they act more like advisors than agents, but nevertheless, they advocate for actors, ones who just need a little help getting their big break. The same big break Kurt had been chasing his whole life.

“He didn’t get that I couldn’t just hand him these roles, you know?” Blaine sighs, “and then he got jealous because I was giving roles to other guys and he thought I must like them better and I just got so tired of it.  I know it must’ve been hard to be him, coming to NYADA only to have so many doors closed in his face, but he never even considered how hard it was to be me.  I never told him this because I didn’t want to crush his dreams, but it wasn’t me who didn’t want him in any of the shows. I tried, believe me.”

Sebastian picks up his glass of wine and takes a drink, “He never deserved you, I could’ve told you that.”

Blaine rolls his eyes, but is still smiling, “I think you did tell me that. That was the problem.”

“Well, I hope it’s not a problem that I’m telling you now.”

Blaine can’t believe how absolutely smitten he is still is for this boy. Maybe always was.

“Not in the slightest.”

—-

1 date becomes 5. Nightcaps become sleepovers.

Days become weeks become months.

And before he knows it, Blaine Anderson has a boyfriend.  And so does Sebastian Smythe.

---

“I’m sorry, you’ve lived here how long and you’ve never taken the subway?!”

“Blaine, why would I ever share transportation with God knows who coming from God knows where when I could have a nice private car to myself?  Nobody talks to me, I don’t talk to them, everyone is happy.”

“The subway is what makes the city come alive! You have to try it at least once.”

Blaine’s puppy dog eyes are met with Sebastian’s unimpressed side eye, but within minutes, they are on the platform, waiting for the train to take them back to Blaine’s apartment.

“Is this smell also part of the experience?”

“Nah that’s just trash,” Blaine says with a shrug, taking Sebastian’s hand and pulling him into the train as the taller of the two mutters, “Lovely.”

The train moves, it stops where it shouldn’t, they’re treated to an impromptu musical number, kids talk way too loud in front of them, but Sebastian never complains.  He just looks over, Blaine’s head resting happily on his shoulder as they sit.  He thinks it, but he can’t say it

Not with the knowledge that it might someday break Blaine all over again.

When they get to Blaine’s stop, Sebastian has never felt so relieved.  They get off the train and the cold air of early fall hits them, but Blaine doesn’t seem to mind at all.  He’s practically grinning ear to ear.

“Okay, you can’t like the subway that much, you’re acting like a character in a tourism ad.  I’m worried you’re going to burst into a song and dance about the Empire State Building” Sebastian says skeptically.

“Not about the subway,” Blaine replies as they get to the door to his small brownstone, “You hated it.”

“Not my preferred transportation, but…”

“But you did it.  For me.”

Sebastian feels his heart ache.  Everytime Blaine does something like this, appreciates him for the little things, he can’t help but feel warm inside.  But there’s always that feeling of guilt, the little voice in his head that says tell him before it’s too late.

Sebastian just nods and Blaine pushes up to kiss him.  When he pulls away, he is still smiling.

“I love you, Sebastian.”

It’s been six months since they met again, but Blaine has wanted to say it since that very first date.  He knew, even then, that there had to be a reason he had never fully given up on Sebastian Smythe.

Sebastian can’t say it, for so many reasons, so he kisses him back, hurries them inside so they can warm up.  Blaine is so elated he got his feelings out, that they don’t even make it to the bedroom.  They undress in the living room, clothes catching on barstools, shelves, even his TV, but he can’t bring himself to care.  Sebastian loves him, he can feel it in his touch, the way he looks at him.

The way he drops to his knees in front of Blaine’s couch, looking up at Blaine ferociously as he kisses down Blaine’s torso, leaves little bites along his stomach, the inside of his thighs.  By the time Sebastian’s lips reach Blaine’s cock, he’s practically begging for it, and Sebastian is happy to oblige.  He takes him deep, humming around the shaft, and Blaine can’t help but stare as Sebastian works his tongue around him.  He grips Sebastian’s hair, lightly, just to feel him everywhere.  When it’s almost too much, he throws his head back against the couch, whimpering and scrambling, but Sebastian remains steady, moving up and down until he can feel Blaine’s release.

When he knows Blaine is close, he pulls off, replacing his mouth with his hand, and Blaine gasps, whipping his head forward.  He leans up to kiss Sebastian frantically and comes hard, biting Sebastian’s lip as his hand works him through it.  He takes a few moments to breathe, and when he looks up, Sebastian is cleaning up with Blaine’s t-shirt, and Blaine whacks him playfully on the side of the head.

“Hey asshole, that’s my t-shirt,” he says with a grin.

“Yeah, well, this was my lip, but you didn’t seem to care about that,” Sebastian replies, sticking his tongue out and then showing the little pricks of blood coming from where Blaine bit down as his orgasm hit.

“Oh my god, Sebastian, I’m so sorry.  Are you okay?”

He shrugs playfully, “I don’t know, I may never be able to kiss you again.”

“Oh I highly doubt that,” Blaine says with a smile and Sebastian laughs, lying back on the couch.  He nods and pulls Blaine on top of him, and everything starts again.

He wishes it could stay this way forever.

—-

“And last we have...Sebastian.”

He hears his boss state his name over the phone, the last order of business on the conference call and he sits up straighter, having been distracted by dread, knowing this moment was doomed to arrive.

“Um yeah, what can I answer for you?”

“What’s happening with the Broadway Works Project? We were supposed to have acquired them 6 months ago, I have agents waiting to foster that talent.”

He swallows hard and realizes he has no good answer for the predicament he’s found himself in. He loves this job, worked harder than he’s ever worked in his whole life to get where he is.  If his boss wants to take over a company, he should be doing whatever it takes to make that happen.  

But then there’s the picture of him and Blaine sitting on his desk, the two of them at Coney Island, Blaine looking up at Sebastian adoringly like he’s his whole world.

Sebastian can’t bear to tell him.

His whole world is a lie.

—-

Sebastian is standing in his apartment alone, staring out at the city, waiting for her to arrive.  Blaine had said he was taking a new client to tour some theaters around the city, get an idea of exactly the types of shows he’d like to get involved with and Sebastian was more than happy to have some time alone.

He needs to figure this out.

The buzzer signaling someone is at his door chimes brightly and he could almost curse the happy jingling tone.  He moves toward the door, knowing he’s dragging his feet.  Knowing she’s almost certainly thinking she’s coming there for something happy.  Knowing it’s the complete and total opposite.

When he opens the door, Santana is grinning, bottle of champagne in her hand, and even Sebastian is a little thrown off by this gesture.

“Hi, I’m so excited you called!”

She flings her arms around him for a hug and he hugs back, distracted and confused.  He takes the bottle of champagne and holds it out, “What’s this for?”

She enters the apartment, walking straight into the kitchen area to look for champagne flutes.

“Your engagement, of course!  I know some people might think it’s fast, but I’m so happy for you guys.  Blaine is just so happy with you, and he won’t be home for hours.  I made a very extensive tour list for him and Michael.”

Sebastian’s heart drops and he almost drops the bottle of champagne, but instead he places it gently on the counter and halts Santana’s search for the glasses.

“Santana, I need you to sit down.”

She looks taken aback; this isn’t exactly textbook behavior for someone who she thinks is about to ask the biggest question of his life, but as with Blaine, Sebastian has always been a bit of a mystery.  They sit down on the couch, facing each other from opposite ends and Sebastian starts, shaky.

“I haven’t been honest...with Blaine.”

She instantly looks angry. She never thought she and Blaine would ever be this close, but he is her best friend, the person she would protect over anyone.  But she tries to stay calm, hear him out.

“What do you mean, Sebastian?”

“When we met again, I was working for Mirage Talent Agency, and I still am.  I was at that event at MSG looking for partnerships.  My boss was looking to grow our business, so I had been talking to a few other reps from smaller agencies.  Nothing too exciting.  And then I saw Blaine.  And that night, we didn’t talk about Broadway Works Project, or my job, we just reignited that spark.  But the next day when I went into work, my boss told me about the company, said one of my co-workers saw me leave with Blaine and thought I was working with him on a deal to buy the Project.  When I said I wasn’t, he insisted I should. That’s when I came to see Blaine, I had to figure out what to do.”

“So what? Your first date was a test?”

“I don’t know,” Sebastian sighs, frustrated, “I thought it might make it easier, if I could see Blaine in the light of day, realize we were only meant to last for a night, then I wouldn’t feel bad trying to acquire the company.  He hurt me by choosing Kurt so long ago, I thought maybe this was my chance to even things out.  But after that first date, I knew, I couldn’t hurt him.  I’ve been stalling at work for months, saying the deal isn’t ready, things aren’t right, but I can’t do that for much longer.  If my boss doesn’t see some results soon, I’m going to get fired, and Mirage might take over BWP anyway.  So I don’t know what to do.”

Santana is furious now, “Jesus Christ, Sebastian. You should know he’s been through this before!  You’re the one who told him that you’re not like Kurt, you’re different.  You don’t want anything but him.  What a load of shit.”

“That’s the thing, Santana, I know I want him!  I don’t want the company, I never did.  But I don’t know how to stop this without staying.  If I’m there, I can fix this, I can try to set my boss’ sights on another company.”

Santana just shakes her head sadly, “I don’t know if you can fix this.”

“I don’t either.”

Both of them look up suddenly from the couch and there’s Blaine, standing in the foyer hallway.  His eyes look hard and angry, but there is a weariness to him; Sebastian can tell that he’s been crying.

“Santana, would you mind?” It seems like that’s all he can get out, but she understands instantly.  She shoots Sebastian a glare before grabbing the champagne off the kitchen counter.  She puts one arm around Blaine, whispers “call me if you need me”, and then she’s gone.

“Blaine, please, let me explain.”

“I ran into Kurt.  He explained.”

Sebastian is taken aback.  “You still talk to Kurt?”

“I don’t, but if we’re going to make this about keeping secrets, you’re definitely going to lose, so I probably wouldn’t go there.”

Blaine is so angry he can feel his hands shaking.  He tries to calm down, remember the details of Kurt’s story so he can keep the facts straight.

Blaine is getting off the subway, having just left Michael after the most meticulously planned tour of the city’s theaters courtesy of Santana. He’s planning on heading back to the office to finish a few things up when he’s walking up the stairs to head outside and he sees him.

Kurt. Coming down the stairs.

They both freeze, passengers around them swearing and jostling them to move out of the way.  Kurt backs up a few steps so that he and Blaine are standing outside, away from the subway’s entrance.

“Hi Blaine, how are you?”

“I’m, um, I’m good, Kurt. How are you?”

Blaine can hardly believe this is the person he thought he was going to spend forever with.  They seem so separate, so distant.  He can barely remember a time when they were one, they are now so solidly two.

“I’m okay.  Rachel is about to be picked up by a new agent, I think.  They actually said that they work for BWP.”

Blaine is confused.  Broadway Works Project is a small organization, they’re like a family.  He would know if there was a new agent.

“I don’t think we’ve hired anyone new lately, do you know his name?”

Kurt shrugs, “I can show you a picture, he just followed Rachel and me on Twitter.”

He pulls out his phone and shows Blaine a picture of a man he has never seen before.  But underneath the picture is his heading that reads: “The newest agent for the Broadway Works Project, a subsidiary of Mirage Talent Agency; coming soon!.”

Mirage Talent Agency.  Or, as Blaine knows it, the company Sebastian works for.

His head is spinning and he knows he has to get out of here.  But he can’t lose it in front of Kurt.  He might explain why he’s so upset, explain that Sebastian is back in his life.

Explain that Kurt was right about him.

“Interesting,” he says distractedly, and if it comes off a bit rude, he can’t put forth the effort to care, “I’ll have to look into it.  Good seeing you Kurt, I gotta run.”

And that’s practically what he does.  He walks so fast he can hear his heart pounding in his ears.  He can tell he’s on the brink of tears, but he won’t lose it in the middle of the city.  Won’t let them get the best of his anger.

That has got to be saved for the person who hurt him most.

“Blaine, he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”

“You’re right, he probably doesn’t know this. So tell me, Sebastian, who are you? Do you really work in PR?”

“No,” Sebastian admits readily and Blaine feels like someone has punched him in the gut, “my boss is Head of Acquisitions.  I’m a Talent Manager, I handle agents who handle clients.”

“Why didn’t you ever tell me about this? We practically do the same job!”

“I didn’t know how to explain,” Sebastian says, frustrated, “I didn’t even know what Broadway Works Project was when we met again that night, and then the next thing I knew, my boss was suggesting we acquire it.  I barely knew you then!”

“And yet, you took me to dinner, to plays, to fucking Coney Island and asked me question after question about my job.”

“I was getting to know you, Blaine.  That’s what people do when they date someone.”

“So this whole time we’ve been dating, what was that, like corporate espionage or something?” Blaine feels like he sounds crazy, words he never expected to say coming out of his mouth.

“Jesus, how could I be spying on you when I didn’t even expect to see you ever again?  I saw you that night and I thought fuck I missed him. I’ve worked my ass off to get where I am, but in that moment, everything changed course.  I am so in love with you, I knew it the second you walked back into my life.”

Blaine isn’t sure what to say. He is seething with anger, but it is rare to hear Sebastian be so open about how he feels. He knows his resolve is weakening, so he tenses up, asks the question he needs to know the answer to.

“Is Mirage taking over BWP?”

“It’s not a done deal,” Sebastian tries to sound confident, “I can fix it.  I can point my boss in another direction, I know how much Broadway Works means to you.”

“You do. And you knew how used I felt by Kurt and you did the exact same thing! I mean, Jesus, I love Broadway Works, but I don’t see why the fuck everyone in my life wants to take the control of it from me.”

“I don’t, I’m sorry, I was trying to prevent that,��� Sebastian can feel that he’s practically begging now, but he doesn’t know what else to do. He can feel Blaine slipping from him by the second.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t,” Blaine’s breath hitches. He is not going to cry in this moment. He takes a breath and finishes the statement.

“I can’t trust you anymore.”

“You don’t mean that,” Sebastian says calmly, the panic inside him threatening to erupt.

“Good luck with your deal, Sebastian. Maybe in some cruel twist of fate, you’ll end up being my boss.”

Blaine can’t even bear to look at him anymore, confronted with the fear that all it will take to forgive him is one look at Sebastian’s broken eyes, the way his body is slumped in resignation.

Blaine should’ve known better. Zebras can’t change their stripes.

And heartbreakers will always be just that.

—-

Santana is sitting on her couch, having a glass of wine when the knock comes. She rushes to her door, and on the other side, Blaine is standing, eyes red from crying.

When she sees him, she puts her arms around him and he starts sobbing all over again. They stand in her doorway for what feels like forever before Santana guides him in. She sets him up in her guest room, and asks if he needs anything.

“Fix my heart,” he sobs out and hers breaks.

She may not be able to fix his, but if she ever sees Sebastian again, she will shatter his.

—-

Blaine lays in Santana’s bed for a few days, staring at the ceiling, trying to make his heart stop hurting when he realizes he’s got to try to distract himself.

So he goes to work, tries to pretend everything is normal, and only Santana is the wiser.

But he watches Charlie in his office every single day, making frantic phone calls, pacing back and forth. He’s defending a company he didn’t even know was under attack and he’s woefully unprepared.

His heart aches, wishing there was something he could do about any of it. Wishing he could save the company he loves, the one who gave him a home.

Selfishly, wishing he could do the same for Sebastian.

“Should I tell him?” Blaine says quietly to Santana, motioning his head in the direction of Charlie’s office.

“Tell him what? You didn’t do anything wrong,” she replies.

“If I had never seen him again, if I hadn’t been with him, Charlie wouldn’t be having to fight to save us,” he laments.

“Blaine,” she says sternly, but caring, “maybe you dating Sebastian expedited the process a little, but bottom feeders like whoever Sebastian’s working for will always find a way to pick on the little guy. We’re underdogs, always have been. But we’ll be all right.”

He knows she’s not just talking about the company. But if he’s honest with himself, he’s not sure he believes her about any of it.

—-

Blaine thanks God for winter. A few days later, the biggest storm to hit New York in decades arrives, leaving him and Santana snowed into her apartment. He’s selfishly glad for the snow, seeing Charlie distraught and run ragged has been wearing on his conscience and although Santana told him none of it was his fault, he still felt responsible for bringing Sebastian, and thus, Sebastian’s company, into their lives.

He doesn’t allow himself to think about the fact that there were parts of Sebastian being in his life that were good. So good they keep him up at night, entering his dreams and even sometimes his conscious thoughts when he knows he’s alone.

“Maybe I’ll just be a spinster.”

“Don’t be dramatic, boys can’t be spinsters,” Santana says with what she calls “her most loving eye roll”.

“You told me not to be dramatic when he showed up at Broadway to take me to lunch. Maybe this is all your fault.”

She throws a cotton ball at him at this comment before continuing to paint her nails. He’s being mopey and sad, but at least he’s making jokes, which is a large step forward from the past few weeks. Part of her does feel bad that she encouraged him to go out with Sebastian, but she had seen the chemistry between them. Sebastian had shown up, like Blaine’s prince with the glass slipper and they had all fallen for it.

Blaine is lying on the couch, idly flipping through reality shows when his phone rings. He looks and sees that it’s Charlie and groans.

“Santana, can you deal with this?”

“If he wanted to talk to me, he would’ve called me,” she says, not looking up from her manicure.

“Pleaseeeee,” he says, turning over on his stomach and facing her with his biggest pout, “I’m heartbroken.”

She scoffs, but puts down the nail polish nevertheless.

“This shit is going to get old at some point, you know,” she says before greeting Charlie with a quick, “Blaine Anderson’s phone, this is his secretary.”

Blaine can hear Charlie laugh, and it’s such a welcome sound.  He can’t hear what his boss is saying, but he is loud, fast, talking excitedly.  Santana’s eyes are getting larger by the second, like she’s hearing some truly unbelievable news, and she tries to interrupt Charlie a few times, but he keeps chatting.  Finally, she gets a word in.

“The donor was anonymous?” Blaine sits up straighter, stares directly at her.  “I don’t know Charlie, but that’s absolutely incredible news!  It’s definitely going to make Blaine’s day, I’ll be sure to tell him.”

She hangs up and takes a breath, trying to process everything she just heard.  But Blaine is impatient.

“What donor? What did he call for?”

She laughs, incredulous, “Mirage was all set to buy us. And then they were stopped. By an anonymous donor who far exceeded what they were comfortable with bidding.”

Blaine takes a moment to let the news settle on him. He knows without a doubt who the donor is, but how?

And then the text comes through to his phone, which is sitting between him and Santana on the couch.  They both look at once.

It’s all yours. All of it.

—-

Blaine leaves Santana’s apartment in a rush, taking the train down to Sebastian’s building, where he’s stopped by the doorman before he can even enter.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Anderson, but Mr. Smythe no longer lives here.”

Blaine is shocked, “What? Where did he go?”

“Relocated,” the stern man replies, and then lower, almost as if he’s ashamed to say it, “To Brooklyn.”

Normally, Blaine is strictly subway, but today, he springs for a taxi. He has to get home. Fast.

—-

His three-story brownstone has a small stoop where kids play, moms gossip, college students study.

But when he walks up to the building, all he sees is Sebastian, sitting and waiting for him.  Looking absolutely gorgeous in the thinnest peacoat Blaine has ever seen.

“You do know it’s fucking freezing out here, right?” Blaine says, immediately removing his scarf and putting it around Sebastian’s neck. Sebastian stands up, looking at the scarf approvingly.

“Had nowhere else to go. I’m homeless,” Sebastian replies with a shrug.

Blaine raises an eyebrow, “So you’ve been sitting out here in the snow waiting for me?”

Sebastian sighs, “Okay, I may have gotten a hotel. But strictly for sleeping.” Blaine gives him a pointed stare and he continues, “Okay I may also have paid Luther to tell me when you showed up at my old place so I could be here.”

“Sebastian, how long have you been here?  And why is that your old place?”

“I sold it,” he says, matter-of-fact, “It took a few weeks to get the deal done and everything squared away, but I figured my father’s very heartfelt gesture of congratulations should reward someone who has actually done some good. Like a non-profit for dreamers who need a hand.”

He is self-deprecating but he is also looking at Blaine with the slightest shimmer of hope in his eyes.

“You shouldn’t have done that,” Blaine offers, but his voice indicates how touched he feels by the gesture.

“I know it’s just money. But I made the donation anonymous so that Charlie can just keep running BWP the way he wants to, and that you guys can keep doing the work you were doing before…”

He stops.  Blaine knows he means before he came back into his life.  Before they intertwined their lives, told each other everything.  Well, Blaine thought they did anyway.

“I promised you I would fix it and I hope I did,” Sebastian offers, “Or at least made a start to.”

“Are we just talking about Broadway Works?” Blaine asks, stepping closer.

“I know I betrayed you.  You have every right not to trust me.  I did everything he did and broke your heart all over again, and if you never wanted to see me again, I’d understand.  But I had to risk everything at the hope that you might give me another chance.  I went ten years without seeing you the first time.  I couldn’t do that again.”

As they stand outside Blaine’s brownstone, a light snow has begun to fall, but all Sebastian can see are the few tears rolling down Blaine’s cheeks.  Last time they were together, Blaine swore to himself that he wouldn’t let Sebastian see him cry.  But if this is going to work, they have to be open and vulnerable with each other.  

And Sebastian seems to know that as he says, “I love you.  I’m pretty sure I’ve been in love with you from the moment we met. And I will spend the rest of my life begging you to forgive me for this.  If you’ll let me.”

Blaine laughs incredulously, but nods frantically, gripping the scarf at Sebastian’s neck and pulling him in to kiss him deep and long and slow.  It’s freezing and the snow is picking up, so they are alone on the street, but even in a crowded room, Blaine knows, they would only see each other.

After all, that’s how this started.

And as they pull apart, they are still entwined, Sebastian’s hands in the pockets of Blaine’s peacoat, Blaine’s arms still flung around Sebastian’s neck, he leans in to offer a suggestion.

“Take me home, Blaine.”

They climb the stairs two at a time to the third floor, losing clothing by the second, Sebastian muttering “leave it” against Blaine’s lips, Blaine running back down the stairs to pick everything up before any of his neighbors have the chance to see him half-naked and disheveled. By the time Blaine’s apartment door shuts, their clothes are all discarded and Sebastian is looking all around at the place he will now call home.

At least, he hopes Blaine will ask him to call it home.

“Hey.”

Blaine’s statement beckons Sebastian’s gaze away from the apartment and when his eyes fall on Blaine standing in the doorway, a small contented smile on his lips, he isn’t sure how he ever looked away in the first place.

“Come on, our bedroom’s this way.”

His whole life, Sebastian has always been a strong advocate for mine and yours.

He’s beginning to think ours doesn’t sound too bad.

#seblainiversary2018 #seblaineaffairs #seblaine #future #should i stay or should i go #sebastian smythe #blaine anderson #rating: m

[kyndaris]

Living the Lie

This is a short story I uploaded first to my Fictionpress. Maybe one of these days, I should really take a mental health day from work. Or find some gosh darn direction in my life. But, if I did...would I be as inspired to write? Ah, the bane of being a creator.

Throughout my life, I’ve always watched as others raced ahead. It hasn’t been easy. Keeping my head above the surface of the ocean known as life. Every moment, I fear a wave crashing down on me, or when my strength fails and I stop treading water. Worst of all is when you see people posting up their picture-perfect lives and outstanding achievements on social media when you’re all but drowning in a dead-end job that had nothing to do with your degree or the hopes you fostered as a young child.

No one needs to reminded of their failures. So, please take your bullshit and spam it on someone else’s wall. And don’t, for the love of God, downplay it in your bid for the most likes! I can tell when someone’s fishing for compliments and I won’t abide by it.

You might be wondering where all this vitriol stems from. The answer is simple. It comes from a deep well of antipathy and frustration. Of being listless and rudderless. Of having no aspirations when you graduated high school at the top of your class and watched as all your dreams were dashed against the rocks of reality before they even had the chance to bloom.

No. This is no fairy tale full of happy ever afters. This is reality. This is truth. Where those with direction and purpose are able to find fulfilment while their silent and unsuccessful counterparts fall prey to their insecurities or keep it tightly tucked away under lock and key. And then suffer the repercussions with sleepless nights before they turn towards drink or prescription drugs to ease their suffering.

It was not always like this, you know.

I remember a childhood filled with dreams. Of jumping between obsessions as if they were Halloween costumes. One day, I fancied myself an esteemed surgeon of some repute. Another would see me shredding tunes on my plastic guitar.

None of that was enough to prepare my young self for the despair and doubt and fear involved with surviving in a world that does not have your back. And which is always eagerly anticipating your fall into destitution.

Because the fact of the matter is: no one cares. No one ever will. You’re just another number falling through the cracks of welfare. A bottom-feeder trying to wring what’s left from the upstanding, proper tax-paying civilians.

Over the years, in order to survive this cruel world, I’ve clung to whatever job that came my way. Lived pay cheque to pay cheque. Constantly concerned with what the future held and green with envy with the respectable lives of my friends.

It was enough for anyone to contemplate the unthinkable.

The entire world owed me. And if I wanted to live in this world of unfamiliar faces and sacks of meat with their wallets full to bursting, I would need to take everything that I wanted, consequences be damned!

The job I had in mind was simple in concept. It was the execution that turned out to be my downfall, as you’ll soon learn.

At the time, I thought my plan was full-proof. I would use others just like me. The downtrodden. The world weary. But even the most meticulous and well-laid ideas can fall through.

Much as it did in this instance, considering that I’m penning this even as I await my final verdict at court. But neither the judge nor the jury will delay me from my magnum opus. This will be my final piece of work before oblivion greets me after the next few hours. The weight on my shoulders is unbearable but press on, I must.

It started off as innocuous as could be. I was the perfect friend, eager to help. And so, when my friends were putting down for mortgages and then taking expensive holidays overseas, they would invite me to house-sit. It was a simple task and some of them even bothered to bequeath me with gifts for taking some time out of my week to look after their precious belongings.

Slowly and surely, though I am loath to admit it, I became greedy. Seeing all the things that they had but I did not, sparked something in me. They did not know it, but I would squirrel away trinkets that I knew would not be missed. Maybe a Rolex here, or a few hundred dollars that they had hidden underneath the mattress. It was so easy and simple. And none of them the wiser.

But as the years dragged on, I found myself grow ever more listless. What was the whole point of living? Everything was all so routine. Nothing could surprise me. And with that came the dread of waking up every morning, knowing that life was meaningless.

There was some trouble at work.

To numb myself from it all, I started drinking. First, it would be a bottle of beer with my co-workers every Friday night. Then, it would be two shots of whiskey every night. I knew that I had a problem when I was chugging down three cans of piss-poor beer just so that I could function for the day ahead.

It came as no surprise when the severance package came. I took it, hoping it would be enough to pay my overdue bills as well as indulge in my alcoholism.

Gradually, though, I realised that trying to drown my doubts solved nothing. The peace I sought was a lie. If I wanted to make something of myself, I had to act.

Two years it took me. Until I finally landed an enviable sales position at one of the leading security firms in the entire city. Though I had my fair share of problems, it was my fair share of connections and skilful networking that ultimately won me the part. Having landed the job I so highly sought, I began the second part of my plan – unable to be satisfied with the paltry salary that I was expected to live off.

While I had suffered a few casualties among my side-job of house-sitting, in my extensive friendship circles, I was still a trusted and respected member of society. It was no difficult thing to convince them that I had shed my old ways and had devoted myself to keeping their belongings safe from undesirables – and at a discount that they could hardly say ‘no’ to.

Slowly but surely, I built up a most trusted portfolio and sent off bits and pieces of information to my accomplices. With the job already cased and the codes to the alarms provided, it was a simple affair of waiting for the right opportunity to strike.

The first few jobs were a resounding success. Thousands upon thousands began pouring into bank accounts before being evenly distributed through private transactions.

But it all slowly came apart when the others became greedy.

I remember one incident at the office. It was late and I had stayed back to fix up some paperwork. Even though I had almost a million dollars tied up in investments, I could not draw attention to the vast amounts of wealth I now had. It had to be used sparingly. A little here, a little there – if I wanted to keep the tax agents off my trail.

His name was Doug. A stupid fellow, really. More of a hired muscle than someone I would have deigned to initiate cerebral conversations with. In he barged into one of my most innermost sanctums, caring not that at any moment he could have disrupted our tenuous business network – demanding more. Always more.

More, more, more, more, more.

You can imagine how maddening it was for someone of my intellect having to rely on such individuals for my masterplan to work. And yet, rely on them I must for it would not be detrimental to everything that I planned if I was seen in the midst of a crime scene.

Still, Doug had made his point clear and I strived to find more lucrative targets. Who was I to deprive my employees of a bonus or a raise? Not if it meant that I was beaten to almost an inch of my life. Besides, more money for Doug also meant more money for me.

For two months, we managed to rake in far more than the quotas that I had set. I will admit, the success we had found had made me giddy. I wanted to keep pushing the boundaries – take on more risks, for the reward when we had overcome all obstacles was a high that I never wanted to come down from. The rush, the thrill…

And that was the fatal mistake I made.

Instead of being satisfied with what we had managed to do and laying low for a time, I was eager to do something much bigger. I allowed my base greed take control and dictate my actions rather than heeding caution, even when my security business was hit by an audit and was under much tighter scrutiny than it had ever been.

Yet the thrill of it! Oh, I could wax poetic about how invigorated I was during the last several months as I played the elusive mouse. To steal a quote from the deplorable detective known only as Sherlock Holmes, the game was very much afoot. And I was eager to win it.

To show everyone I was more than the dowdy middle-aged man with a growing bald spot.

Alas, you know how the story ends. I won’t trouble you with the details that were splashed across the newspapers for weeks on end. What I will reveal is that in those days leading up to my arrest, the betrayal struck a deep blow to my confidence. I knew it had been foolish but I had thought that over our long acquaintance, I would have been able to trust Charlie.

The gun feels heavy in my hand. I bought it soon after my encounter with Doug at my office. A means of self-defence should something similar happen again.

I kept it strapped to the underside of my desk. An insurance policy for dealing with my less than savoury associates. One could never be too careful and I had learned that the hard way.

They say that to take one’s own life is an act of cowardice. But as a I stare at this carefully constructed piece of metal, I cannot help but think that the old adage is a lie. Perhaps it is my pride but there is something beautiful about going out on my own terms instead of wallowing inside a prison cell.

What is important to leave behind is not my wasted body but instead my legacy. To have others know that they are not alone in their fight against this oppression of the mind and soul. I could have been a successful businessman had the fates looked kindly on me. I could have lived my life with a smile on my face, spread out on a beach towel on Venice Beach. I could have been the one that had both a wife and loving son.

All of it could have been mine. Had not others stolen the happiness I could have achieved!

It is nearly seven. By eight thirty, I will be bundled into a police vehicle and escorted back to court. I know that any form of resistance would be futile.

But I am so tired…

Tired of what this world aspires to be. Tired of the expectations placed upon all the young boys and girls as they are constantly reminded that they are special. That they have purpose and meaning. Only for them to find out several months before graduation that they will only be a very small cog in a very large machine.

To the first responders that will find this: I apologise for the mess. In the end, it was not as easy as I had hoped. I dithered on the cusp right until I saw the first flashes of red and blue.

To those that were hoping to recoup their losses: again, I apologise. Perhaps you will be able to sell some of my assets (little though they may be).

And finally, to the jurors. I will not hear how you have judged me. Or my actions.

Still, let it be known that I, being of sound mind and body, do enter in my final testimonial. To shed some truth on the world and cut away the lies we weave around ourselves.

I may not be a good man. But I am my own man. How many of you can say the same?  

#short story

[sherman36sherman]

The Life Of A Poker Pro - Is It As Glamorous Whenever Think?

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#SONY VEGAS PRO

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh S1 Ep 40 PART 1/2: So Much Random Stuff Happens That It Requires Two Parts

Most of the time, Yugioh’s plot is delivered in nice, bizarre, bite-sized segments, offset by duels that I skip. But then, in this episode they decided “Hey, we should drop some plot. Like a lot of REALLY WACKY plot.”

And thus we have an episode with over 80 caps. So, this’ll be a two-parter! The other part will show up later. Like...when we finish it.

Also, despite the fact that this is probably one of the more important episodes of the season, it has quite some damage on the recording on Netflix. You’ll see that it isn’t really cropped right on the sides, and in some parts it’s got motion blur I couldn’t avoid. One day, Yugioh will get it’s Sailor Moon remaster, but this is not the day. Also, if they redubbed Yugioh, it would be an absolute tragedy, but that’s a different story.

TL;DR Forgive the massive amount of text in the upcoming recaps. There’s just so much they did and I uh...didn’t want this to end up being over 100 caps this episode alone.

So, lets get into it: The Yugi crew is looking for Pegasus.

For some reason, Tea suddenly remembers what went down the night before and decides “I bet Pegasus is hiding in that spooky tower we don’t actually know how to get into because we climbed it with a grappling hook.”

(Sometimes I get used to Yugi’s eyeliner and then they throw a shot like this at me and it’s like DAMN, Yugi, when did you have time to apply that stiletto heel to your face? Like most of the time I’m just put off by the awful hair and then the rest of the time I’m just really jealous of this emo boy’s wings.)

With that they suddenly remembered...the other stuff.

(read more under the cut)

I like how Joey is just so incredibly fed up with magic at this point. Out of all of them, he seems to hate magic the very most although his best friend is a walking dark magic portal. Joey is just completely done, but unfortunately for Joey it turns out all the magic up to this point hasn’t even remotely been the amount of magic that this show is going to throw at us, because this entire episode is a bunch of wizards just screwing with each other.

I’ve mentioned before that it feels like the power players of Yugioh are kinda like Greek Gods where they just really can’t be bothered about 95% of the time--but when they are FINALLY bothered enough to move their own ass, they just kinda sweep the floor clean and leave me utterly baffled.

Anyways, Pegasus actually is in the spooky tower, to my disbelief, at this non-euclidean desk that doesn’t seem to exist in time and space.

And then Kaiba wakes up in a cabbage-patch lookin jail cell. I would love to see more of his reaction to that but alas, this episode is not about Seto Kaiba.

Pegasus decided to make good on his word, mostly because Yugi is a cursed Pharaoh and he doesn’t want to see what happens if he doesn’t make his end of the bargain. To be quite honest, getting your mind scrambled would have probably been better than what did eventually happen to him in this episode.

Seriously, did this guy ever sell a painting that wasn’t a card? His portfolio would just be one person. And they do say that you shouldn’t make your portfolio too many styles but, damn, you can’t just do one person, unless your going to work for one specific type of video game, in which case sure just draw that one space punk chick over and over it seems to work for you.

Bakura decides to show up, and he’s very Bakura about it, introducing a new Bakura mechanic that I didn’t at all predict would ever be a thing.

Bless this storyboarder.

After showing off his weird tarot ability for no other good reason than to mess with Pegasus for a little bit, he decides to make me regret ever saying this necklace looked like it has five dicks.

I am so sorry, I had no idea! I had no idea it would be shooting lasers! What the hell, show?? What genre am I even watching anymore??

Also this whole concept that at any point these items can just shoot anime lasers and start a...whatever this trope is called, is so bizarre to me. They CAN do this...but they prefer to use cards.

They CAN do this, at any point, but they prefer to trap the souls of you and your friends in a card so you must play even more cards.

Or they can shoot you with a laser and solve their problems that way.

But why would they? They can like...play cards and do tarot and read minds and make card monsters real so who would ever want to shoot freakin lasers!

I do appreciate that Pegasus’ laser is pink like the salmon I chose for his font.

My bro argues that Pegasus probably sees just fine with the golden eyeball, but I feel like it can’t be the same, like a Spike Spiegal situation. It’s not like they ever tell us, anyway.

Him being alive for centuries is just never brought up for the rest of the episode. It comes up here and then Bakura’s like “Woopsie! Change the subject!”

Kid’s show!

As a kid an episode of the Rugrats freaked me the hell out--you know the one where Reptar becomes alive? I couldn’t take that one, it was terrifying. So maybe I’m not one to judge, because I was not a normal kid when it came to anxiety (in fact a legit phobia of dogs gave me pretty severe panic attacks on a weekly basis) but, it seems like Yugioh is a lot like brother’s Grimm because they are SO READY to cut off body parts, revive corpses, and overall gross me out, just to make a point.

Is it necessary? Eh.

But is it bizarre body horror we can stuff in this kid’s story? YES LETS DO IT.

With the way they set this up it looked as if they were just going to have them show up in the nick of time or something, but instead the show was like “lol, these kids? You’re kidding, right?”

He’s literally missing an eye and Croquet’s exact line was something like “he’s fallen ill.”

Also, I’m glad we got a cameo from Double-Spike Mohawk Mullet Man in this episode, giving Pegasus a fireman carry like a trooper.

So, because they can’t not, and because Pegasus’ security is only effective at random times of the day (they must have a lot of smoke breaks or something) the four decide to raid Pegasus’ bedroom. Why would you ever want to do this to the guy who was ritually sacrificing people the night before!?

Joey’s weird crushes on blondes that are...not in High School. Joey. Stop this. You are a child.

Anyways, Tea goes straight for the juicy stuff, because if there’s anything in this world that I would never ever want to read is a grown man’s journal filled with all his unfiltered thoughts.

Then we’re welcomed into a Pegasus Flashback, because why not make a tragic past even more tragic? Anyways, it’s OK because anime food lives here.

Bro called them gravity melons. I want to point out the party cups drawn from the side sitting on the round table we see from the top. Love it. Also realllllly love that guy with the mustache and glasses in the bottom right corner. There’s some good stuff here in this vaguely 80′s flashback.

Anyway, she totally dies. The flashback goes through things we’ve been over before--they get married, she gets sick, she turns into a rose and then becomes a grave in a really poorly kept graveyard.

And so Pegasus turns to religion. Yes, you read that right, He decides, he wants to find a religion that will explain afterlife to him, and he’s like I might as well start with the oldest and work up, so he goes to Egypt.

Uh...OK. I mean if you’re just looking for a religion with an afterlife you could have chosen...almost any of them. You could have stayed in America and like gone to...anywhere but, the guy was like “Mummies, youknow?” and went to Egypt although Cecelia is already dead and buried so it’s not like he can do the mummy trick to her now. It’s a little LATE?

My brother and I were so entranced by this bizarre hat, that we wanted to see if it’s ever been made real. AND IT HAS.

MARVEL AT IT:

IT IS VERY EXPENSIVE.

LOOK AT THAT DUMB HAT!

We checked Amazon for cheaper listings, but only found trucker hats with the Square Mason symbol on it, and Illuminati trucker hats like this one.

My brother wrote this note to them. I hope they read it and take it to heart.

Anyways, our newly found joy, held aloft by the discovery of perfect square brimmed hats was quickly sullied.

His hat is a transformer. But a round to square kind.

So in walks this guy. His name is Shadi. I’m telling you that right now because I want you to pay attention to how long it takes before we find out his name is Shadi. He is going to tell us his name at some point, and it’s very weird when it happens.

Pegasus doesn’t seem to realize it is not at all normal for a guy in modern Egypt to be walking around with this massive ankh on his chest (eh...you can’t see it in these pictures, but there’s a HUGE ankh just hanging around his neck) with earrings and pharaoh makeup. Pegasus is just that type of sheltered American. He’s like...well you look like someone from a movie so it must be legit. And that is how Pegasus decides to follow a guy who is clearly an ancient spooky wizard into an ancient death dungeon crypt.

I feel like Pegasus could have easily avoided this whole situation he got himself into.

Shadi has a whole speech about how the eyeball has a lot of power, and that he’s got to protect it all yada yada--but at the same time Shadi is like “BUT I gotta make sure some people use it so a lot of terrible things happen. You’d think I’d just...leave this stuff in this crypt so it’ll never be a problem and the world will never be cursed with terrible dark magic that was sealed away for thousands of years, but...I’m gonna make it happen anyway...and it’s not my fault...”

How many times has Shadi done this? It’s suggested that Pegasus is not the first.

It’s pretty gross, and while it’s done in shadow (which was a nice visual allusion to Shadow Magic), it’s still pretty gruesome for a kids show. To happen twice in one episode of this kid’s show, haha.

She calls him by his full name “Maxamillion” which made me realize he’s probably never shortened his name to “Max” in his entire life.

I’m glad Pegasus making out with a ghost happened on screen. This is now the most romance we’ve seen in all of Yugioh. Good.

So did Pegasus actually write the part where he made out with a vision, though?

I’m curious about how that process works. But, I don’t think we’ll ever find out.

Anyways, next time, on this very same episode of Yugioh:

Will Bakura stick this eyeball in he own eye or will he back out last minute and just hang it from his necklace and pretend it was there the whole time? Will Tea next read Pegasus’ food diary only to discover, in horror, that he drank upwards 60 liters of grape juice and far exceeded his daily calorie intake? Will security even realize these children have been snooping in all of Pegasus’ personal stuff for the past 30 minutes?

#Yugioh #yugioh recap #photo recap #s1 ep40 #tea gardner #yugi muto #tristan taylor #bakura #joey gardner #maxamillian pegasus #pegasus #cecelia #some weird psychic fight #with lasers #and then someones eye gets replaced on screen #square brimmed hat

[taiblogcomics]

And a Clown Shall Lead Them

Hey there, chips so spicy your eyes water just from opening the bag. Know what? I'm gonna leave you on that little cliffhanger. Let's do at least an issue or two of Suicide Squad while I wait for my next order to come in~

Here's a cover:

I think this yet another Harley costume. As a time-honoured tradition, let's critique it! Starting from the bottom... is she wearing a second pair of boots over the first? I've never seen laces that stop, make a bow, and then continue up again. It's certainly quirky, I'll give her that. Fishnets are fine, but it's mysterious that goes over her cutie mark, or whatever that diamond is supposed to be. She also has mysteriously tan skin. Next, those are probably the shortest shorts I've ever seen. If it wasn't for the belt, I'd say there were just underpants. Are the rips in her shirt deliberate or not? If yes, they look terrible; if not, why was it necessary to include? Just to flash a bit of cleavage? Come on now. As usual, her neck decoration (neckoration?) is terrible, but I like it more than the bells or Shakespeare ruff. All I'm saying if you're going to go fashion scarf, go long and dramatic. The Sailor Moon hair is all right, though. Does Michael Jackson know she's borrowing his jacket? And the kicker: she doesn't even wear this outfit in the actual comic, so what was even the point~?

The rest of the cover is even weirder, and thus deserves commenting on. A pastel rainbow of the other Squad members all twisting together? I don't know what it's supposed to be symbolic of, and I probably don't want to~

Anyway, where were we? Oh yeah, Rick Flag is dead or lost in another dimension, and thus the Suicide Squad is out a leader. That's where we pick up, with Katana posing in a skintight suit as a full-page splash. It feels kind of gratuitous, but hey, at least points for the suit not hugging every contour of her chest. Apparently, she likes to strike this pose mid-battle, as she is auditioning for the spot of team leader while also sparring with some robots. Her offer is simple: she's the only one left who's not a criminal. Waller says she sees different: since Katana talks to the ghosts in her sword, she feels at home among the crazies. However, she's not out of the running. Waller will review the other candidates, then get back to her.

So, next candidate: Captain Boomerang? Ha. Do I even need to summarise? Waller refuses to give him a raise and also takes one of his beers. He obliges to open her bottle with a boomerang toss, but denies that he killed Hack. Waller moves on to Harley Quinn, who a couple of guards are bringing food. Waller just stands back and watches as she tosses the meal asides and instead beat the shit out of the guards. Waller notes that since Flag's death, Harley's been giving in more to her darker side. And just to keep this nice and not-at-all subtle, the ghostly face of the Joker appears behind Harley as she says this. It's still a stupid direction to take her character~

Meanwhile, in New York City, Killer Croc and June Moone walk down the street, arm in arm. People panic at seeing them, which is not at all how New Yorkers would react, so they must be passing some tourists. Some asshole keeps following them around yelling "Shoot it! Someone please shoot it!", which is obnoxious. How would you feel if someone kept doing that while you were on a date? They go dancing and skating, take photos, Croc accidentally falls through a bench... It's honestly the best fucking scene in the comic. I like when Croc is depicted as more than just some brute. However, June's pretty bummed, because she can't get anyone to look at her portfolio. No one wants to hire an ex-con, and who's going to believe in someone who can become an evil witch at a moment's notice? Croc says he believes in her. Aww. I ship it~

And with that, June takes the confidence Croc has in her, gets dressed, and takes her portfolio to an office. It's basically her last chance to get someone to look at her art, and Croc even sits in the sewer below the building eating rats to support her. However, he worries that, while he wants June to get what she wants, he fears once she does, she won't want him anymore. Alas, though, her portfolio is rejected, and it's not June Moone who storms out, but the Enchantress. If they don't like June's art, let them suffer the works of Enchantress. And Manhattan is plunged into mid-day darkness...

Waller stops by Hack's room, observing how it's covered in Harley merchandise (who the heck is producing this stuff?) and wondering how anyone sane lead these people. Cosmonut, whose cell is along the way, offers his usual "peanut emoji" response,  and she says thanks for the advice, but no. Everything about Cosmonut is deeply confusing. She then passes Deadshot's cell, who tells her not to even bother asking. He already knows what happens to those who work close with Waller, gesturing with his mechanical arm. Waller tosses him the bottle she picked up from Boomerang, and he shoots it. He offers two legit reasons why she doesn't want him: A, he still plans to kill Katana for taking his arms, and 2, he always goes with the most profitable option. Being leader is not that option. Flag was leader, and now he's dead.

So we cut back to Enchantress unleashing her magics, as it were. She continues ranting until she senses a presence approaching. It's Croc carrying a cowering suit guy, who admits that it was his assistant who rejected her portfolio. He's had his own look and thinks she has promise. This is enough to sate the Enchantress and return her to her form as June Moone. Frankly, I believe between Enchantress and being carried by the collar by Croc, he probably would have admitted he was Mother Theresa. And so June dispels her magics and becomes herself again, clinging to Croc and thanking him for his help. The skies around Manhattan return to normal.

And so, the team gathers once more to hear Waller's final decision. And the new leader of the Suicide Squad will be... [drum roll, opening the envelope] Harley Quinn! No, really. She protests, but both Waller and Deadshot agree that Harley's the one that always makes the team pull together and do the job, even when the threat of the brain bombs was gone. Harley finds this to be so much bullshit that she attacks Waller, but Katana blocks the attack, which Waller counted on. That's why Katana didn't become leader: because she's much better at being subservient than leading. And with that, Waller gives the team their next mission: go assassinate Direktor Karla of the People. Man, are we still on this "the People" storyline~?

Everything else dumb and goofy about this episode is worth putting up with for the three pages or so of Croc and June having a cute domestic relationship. Can that be the whole comic from now on? Please? I know it can’t happen, I’ve read the next 18 or so issues, but seriously, I’d use up a genie wish to retroactively change them.

As for the rest of it, I hate to admit, but the choice of Harley as leader is pretty sound. She did get them to get back together and work as a team. I just don’t think it meshes well with this whole “Harley is regressing into being more like the Joker” plot, which is a stupid idea in the first place. Instead of being more like the Joker, who she hates, wouldn’t a much better story have her try to be more like Rick Flag, the guy she’s broken up about? The actually decent person on the team? It would help explain what pushed her to the heel-face turn she eventually makes in her solo series. That would be actually good storytelling~

Anyways, next issue, they’re gonna go kill Director Karla, I guess. What fun~?

#comics #reviews #Suicide Squad #Taiblog