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fernlessbastard · 2 days

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ok hot take. we all hate capitalists. I know. I do too. I really, REALLY hate capitalists.

that being said C!Quackity is the definition of a capitalist. like in a fully "I made the money, I deserve it because I took the risks." "its not my fault that some people dont work as hard as I do." "las nevadas is a company, the only government is the corporation which Quackity owns." way.

he is sat RIGHT at the bottom right corner on the political compass, and he is not budging. obviously, thats not to say hes a homophobe or a racist or generally a bigot, but hes very much a land hoarding, greedy, individualistic, profiteer type guy.

him and wilbur have gotten into several arguments about this, as with pretty much all of the ways Quackity runs his goverment, and shots have been FIRED.

I think the main argument from wilbur would be: "was it your fault that you were homeless after you ran from schlatt? do you really belive that youre the only person who has ever needed to run from financial abuse?" and "if it hadn't been for my policies about taking in all we can feed, then you would have starved to death in the woods. according to your philosophy I should have told you to piss off because you wernt profitable."

and then quackity responding with: "you change your ideology like youre a kid playing dressup, dont act like youre better than me because you woke up and decided that being a marxist suited your situation best, you just want something to argue about." and "you only took me in BECAUSE I was profitable. maybe not through labour but you would have used me as a bargaining chip any day of the week."

anyways, they've both been heads of state and both of them are well versed in political science and economics, which leads to both some very fun conversations and some less fun arguments. (wilbur might enjoy it a little)

ok so yes I agree with that take in the context of the smp, but it's also important to point out that minecraft "capitalism" is what those capitalists who want to convince you it's good claim capitalism to be. Food is abundant, shelter has little requirements to be functional, you can literally just dig a little into a hill and you're set, and then make a farm from things you can find anywhere. Anyone can mine, anyone has access to anywhere that isn't already someone's exact base, food is easily accessible and renewable, etc etc.

What Quackity's doing is he's actually providing a luxury service which isn't at all necessary. And Las Nevadas deserves to earn a profit from people using its facilities, cause they've been carefully and deliberately made to provide entertainment. Quackity doesn't have monopoly on food, shelter, land, resources, etc. Anyone could make their own small version of LN if they had the want and time to. So it isn't fair putting cQuackity in the same box as idfk bezos or musk, cause in cQ's case it's deserved, earned, and not a monopoly that causes everyone but him to suffer. Translating that into real life is just simply much more difficult than taking it at face value

As a sidenote I think that while Quackity is like that on the outside, he still wouldn't ignore someone needing help. Like, he's definitely got that built up resentment of "I had to work for all of this so hard, I've gotten through so many hardships. Why should someone else have it easier??" but then when the push comes to shove he's still end up helping, even if just a little bit.

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fatkish · 3 days

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Hi hi! I really love reading through all of your mha x inner child fanfics, theyve honestly helped a lot lol.

I was wondering if I could request Present Mic with (his) child reader after an unsuccessful suicide attempt? They attempted to go out by hanging but were saved at the last moment, so their throat is in complete pain. Just maybe some comfort and angst in his eccentric, silly ways, not wanting reader to hurt more but still hurting himself lol (but feel free to spin this however you want!).

(TRIGGER WARNING: Please note that the following contains sensitive content: attempts at suicide, self harm, mental abuse directed at oneself. Please be warned and don’t read if you are not in the right mindset to do so. This is a comfort fic aimed at comforting those who have dealt with or felt like this at one point)

Present Mic x Child Reader: Perfect to Me

You had been born Quirkless. The media had a field day with the news of the Voice Hero: Present Mic’s own child being quirkless. It was hard enough to be quirkless, but when everyone knew your father had a strong quirk, it made things even harder. You were always compared to him by your peers and even some of your teachers. You got bullied relentlessly by other kids. No one wanted to be your friend and the teachers would turn a blind eye to it all.

The kids would say things like ‘I bet you’re actually adopted and Present Mic is just too much of a hero to get rid of you’ ‘your dad must be super embarrassed his kid is quirkless and a loser’ ‘if no one knew you were his kid then he’d probably get rid of you’ your dad’s a lame hero so it makes sense he’d keep a quirkless kid’. The other kids always said things about how your dad must be putting up an act and probably just sees you as a charity case.

The teachers were bad too. ‘I can’t even imagine having a quirkless child’ ‘imagine how it must be having a child like that’ ‘the poor man is probably so stressed all the time, worried about his kid’ ‘it must be so disappointing to find out your kid is quirkless’. The teachers would whisper about how it must be such a burden to raise a quirkless child. They spoke rumors about you being his illegitimate child and that he’s probably only kept you to make himself look good.

You never told Mic about anything anybody said. You knew he loved you, you’re his whole world… right? After a few years of torment and bullying from other kids you started to doubt yourself and your father. You started to believe that you were just a burden on Mic and that he’s only putting up a loving act. He’s your dad, so of course he’s supposed to love you, plus he’s a hero, so how much of his love is really true and not just stuff he’s supposed to say. How do you know if your dad actually cares for you or only tells you this because he’s a good person and is just being nice?

Eventually in 5th grade when you were 11, you couldn’t take it anymore. You truly believed that your dad was only trying to make you feel better about being quirkless. You believed that you were a burden and that your dad would be better off without you to look after. One day, you decided to skip school and returned home after your dad left. You had been planning this for some time. You had grabbed an old 10ft phone charger cord and tied one end into a slipknot and tied the other to a wooden beam in the kitchen. You decided to write your dad a note before taking your life. You then stood up on a chair and slipped the cord around your neck before kicking away the chair.

Mic had been halfway on his way home from UA because he realized that he forgot some of his students English papers that he graded. He got a call from one of your few nice teachers who informed him that you weren’t at school. He had seen you leave this morning so he knows that you left, were you skipping school? Why? Guess he’ll ask you when he gets home. He pulled into the driveway and parked before exiting and locking his car. He unlocked his front door and entered the house, closing the door behind him before calling out your name.

“(Y/n)? You home? I’m not mad, I left some papers that I had graded on the kitchen table. C’mon, let’s have a talk, I’m sure you have a reason for skipping scho— Oh God NOOOOO!”

As Mic had walked from the living room, through the dining room and into the kitchen, he paused when his eyes took in the sight of your body nearly limp and hanging with a cord around your neck. The moment he saw it he ran to you and grabbed a knife to cut the cord. The moment he did, your limp body fell into his arms.

“Oh my god, my sweet baby, no. Please, (y/n) baby, please don’t be dead, please don’t did on me, Daddy’s here now, Daddy’s got you, come back to me baby” Present Mic cried as he cradled your body and dialed the emergency number for an Ambulance. While he stayed with you, he saw the note and grabbed it, when the paramedics arrived they got to work getting oxygen into you and had to stick a tube down your windpipe to get oxygen into your lungs. Mic rode in the Ambulance with them as he called Shota and let him know what was happening. Shota then told Nedzu what happened.

While you were being treated, Mic pulled the note out and read it.

Dear Dad,

I’m sorry that you had to find me like this. I know it’s a burden having to deal with and care for a quirkless child and that dealing with my death is just more of a burden. I’m sorry I’m quirkless, I know that you always say it’s okay but you don’t have to lie anymore. I know you must have been disappointed when I didn’t get a quirk and I’m so sorry. Thank you for taking such good care of me even though it must have been an immense burden. Thank you for being a kind and loving father even if it was just an act. I love you so much and I’m sorry that you had to endure living with me for so long. But that’s all over now so you can rest now. Thank you for everything and thank you for putting up with me. You’re my hero.

-Love,

(Y/n)

Hizashi had tears rolling down his cheeks when Shota got to the hospital and found him sitting in a hallway outside your door. When Shota took the note and read it, he too, shed some tears.

“W-why? Why didn’t they tell me Sho? Why didn’t they say anything? Do they really believe that I don’t love them? What did I do wrong?!?”

“Shh, I know Zash, I know. This isn’t on you, this isn’t your fault”

“My baby is dead?!? Sho! How am I- what am I gonna do, how am I supposed to deal with this?”

As Hizashi cried to Shota, one of the nurses exited your room.

“Excuse me, Mr. Yamada, your child is awake now. We’ve put them on the Suicide watch and a psychoanalytic will be visiting with them later to determine what caused this and what the best course of treatment for them is. You can go in now and see them” the nurse moved aside and motioned towards the door.

Hizashi immediately jumped to his feet and ran inside the room only to stop and stare at you. You had your head down and your hands in your lap as you sat in the hospital bed under the sheets wearing a hospital gown. Tears swelled in his eyes as he realized you were alive. Hearing and seeing the beats on the heart monitor was a relief to him. He ran over to you swallowing you up in his arms as he cried.

“Oh (y/n) my sweet baby, you’re alive, I was so scared don’t you ever do that again you hear me! I love you so much, I’m so happy you’re alive. No matter what anyone says or thinks, you’re perfect to me. Just the way you are. Quirk or no quirk, you will always be my sweet baby. I love you so much”

Hizashi cried as he hugged you and cradled you in his arms. He kept rubbing his forehead into your shoulder. You carefully removed his glasses and put them aside as you kissed his forehead.

“Dad I’m-“

“No no, shhh… it’s okay, explanations can come later. If you don’t want to talk about it right now then we don’t have to, I’m just so grateful that you’re alive. Promise me you’ll talk to me before you ever do this again, please”

“I promise”

“Pinky promise”

You looked at the serious look and your dad’s face as he held his pinky finger out to you. You couldn’t help but smile at his silly antics and linked your pinky with his.

“I promise”

“Okay good.”

After that, Hizashi crawled into the bed with you as you sat on his lap and snuggled into his arms. Shota sat in the chair to the side and smiled at you.

The following week was filled with snuggles and eating junk food while watching movies. When you got home after the suicide watch ended, your dad surprised you by letting you go to UA with him and letting you do your homeschooling there. Nedzu decided that it would be best for you to be in an environment where you would be safe from bullying and what better environment than a school for heroes? You got to stay in the faculty room and did your homework, you got to eat lunch with your dad and he’d show you off to all his coworkers.

Needless to say you still had some doubts but therapy was helping. Your dad loves you and it’s obvious to you now just how much.

#present mic x child reader #present mic x reader #present mic #mha x reader #bnha x reader #mha x child reader #bnha x child reader #hizashi yamada x child reader #hizashi yamada x reader

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alicefromwhichplanet · 3 days

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Alice’s Ship Guide: Blitzbee

Good day. The Blitzbee Week 2024 has just concluded. I had a lot of fun attending it. However, after seeing some of the interpretations of this ship, I find them quite different from how I understand this ship. At the same time, many of my friends who share my interest don’t ship Blitzbee, which probably has something to do with the popular interpretations of them. So I would like to share my views on this ship, and see if I could inspire some new thoughts on them. Should be fun.

*most of the following analysis is based on tfa, but not limited to it. I like shipping two generally consistent characters in different universes, as a way of training my imagination with slightly different dynamics.

1） They are two childishly reckless young adults. There is an age gap but not very big/important.

Most of the ships I like are “mutuals”: they are equal in strength and mental status. They understand each other better than others.

In tfa, we see many “corresponding” characters in the two camps, for example, Lugnut and Bulkhead are both “the bulky one with destructive power” on both teams. Blitzwing and Bumblebee form a “corresponding pair” as they both play the role of “the funny talkative guy in the team”. They are both young and reckless, having an immature side of them compared to other teammates.

Examples are:

Examples are: Blitzwing (in particular his “random” alter) made a free fall into autobots to have fun messing with them , forgetting about the task Megatron repeatedly told him to do first. Likewise, Bumblebee acts recklessly on many tasks/occasions as well (for example, challenging “Colossus” on a tv show).

The two have an amazing interaction in the episode “Velocity” when they chased/raced with each other, which clearly shows their similarity in personality. Many have noticed the childishness of Bumblebee but failed to see that in Blitzwing as well.

As for the claims of Bumblebee being “underage”, you have to admit autobots are using child soldier in their army to prove that (which is not likely). Bumblebee attended military school in preparation for the elite guards, which should only take adult/ almost adult students, long before he joined Optimus’s team of engineers. The team doesn’t treat him as a child. And seeing from Blitzwing’s personality, he is not so far from Bumblebee’s age. The two are like 20 and 25 year olds mentally.

Also I want to mention that the age of transformers should not be the counted the same way like humans, because they are alien robots who don’t die easily unless they are killed in a military conflict. There is little chance they will perish for old age (all the parts are replaceable), so they can actually live for a very long time if no fatal accident happened. In this case it should be natural for adult bots with an age difference to date, for there is no obvious physical deterioration as age increases. In this case similarity in mental age/ state of maturity is more important than actual years of living. This makes Blitzbee a couple with similar ages rather than a couple with huge age difference.

2） “Growing up together” is the most interesting theme in their relationship.

As I have said, Blitzwing and Bumblebee are both reckless, immature young bots, I would like to see them growing into more responsible and stable ones through learning to take care of each other.

Blitzwing has the mental issue that causes mood swings. He also might have experienced more trauma of war and abuse compared to Bumblebee (the famous triple-changer adaptation being the major one in my fan fiction ideas). After he developed a secret relationship with Bumblebee he would become more stable and his trauma will be healed to some extent by Bumblebee’s powerful, devoted love.

This leads to my major take that Bumblebee should eventually play the role of a “caregiver/protector” in this relationship, speaking of mentality. He should learn to be the one that “fixes” Blitzwing with love and trust. I love to see Bumblebee grow up and learn to be the responsible one that takes care of his lover, rather than staying in the shell of childishness forever and letting traumatized Blitzwing do all the dirty work. Growing up together is an amazing part of this ship and I would love to see more of this in their dynamics.

3） Megatron and the Decepticons are not their enemy.

This is also a major issue I’m having with the majority of Blitzbee fandom. I’d like to propose that since we’re depicting a cross-fractional relationship, it is an excellent chance for us to explore the autobot/decepticon dichotomy in a more meaningful way. Both camps attracted numerous followers and lasted long in the civil war. It is neither reasonable nor meaningful if Megatron’s reign is sorely established on threatening, violence and jungle rules. The decepticons should have fraternity/comradeship inside their camp if autobots do. Decepticons love and respect their battle mates as well, and Megatron as a much trusted leader does show care towards his decepticon soldiers (no need to say that tfa Megatron has shown amazing tolerance and a cool mood in all three seasons). Dehumanizing decepticons to create obstacles for blitzbee is the cheapest and most shallow way of interpreting them either as a couple or as two individuals. Blitzwing as a decepticon soldier has his beliefs and loyalty to his camp too. It is sad that many blitzbee writers simply dismiss Blitzwing’s choice of being a decepticon as being threatened or forced into it, which is just unreasonable since Blitzwing is one of the most trusted subordinates of Megatron. There is a way of exploring both Bumblebee and Blitzwing’s struggles of dating an enemy and their guilt of betraying their camp they willingly joined. This makes the ship more in-depth and lively, only that it requires the shipper to have enough knowledge of politics and an unbiased attitude towards the decepticons.

4） They don’t follow traditional heterosexual roles. They are a homosexual couple (basically, gay. I can also accept genderbending both of them women).

This actually applies to every couple I ship. I don’t like the traditional depiction of romance that requires two individuals to either play by the “feminine script” or “masculine script”. I think this kind of view is rooted in unreasonable expectations/ gender stereotypes of patriarchal society, and is harmful and outdated. I don’t want to assign Blitzwing and Bumblebee fixed roles as “top” or “bottom” as well. Everything should be dynamic in their relationship.

5） If they become mature enough to handle children, Blitzwing is the carrier.

This conclusion comes from 4), and also simply because of the fact that in tfa, decepticons are larger than autobots, this naturally makes the possible cross-fractional kid a “middle size between autobots and decepticons”. This means the kid should be bigger than usual autobot kid (if spark-sexual reproduction is possible) and it would be dangerous for autobots to carry a half decepticon child. If such rule exists, there should already been natural selection working on Cybertron to let the decepticons carry the child if pregnancy happens. Also, as I mentioned in 4), I don’t want to assign traditional gender roles to Bumblebee and Blitzwing, so when it comes to carrying, it is actually the same as other things they should do as a couple: it is alright for the fittest one in a relationship to do it. If the child is big, Blitzwing be the carrier. It’s natural and smooth.

6） (nsfw) Size kink? They have so many more kinks! They actually enjoy non-penetrative sex and spark sex.

This is also based on my take of dismissing traditional gender stereotypes. Penetrative sex is not the only way to get pleasure. Since there is a size difference, it should be uncomfortable/ unpractical for Blitzwing and Bumblebee to carry it out often (If you think they have a size kink, I’ll have to say that kinks shouldn’t be the main reason they get together as a couple, or the relationship would become unhealthy with objectifying the other for sexual pleasure. And it’s certainly not the kind of serious relationship that involves love and respect that I’m trying to write about.).

For one thing, they are very playful childish individuals, besides, sexual reproduction is still not in the codes of Cybertronians, it is actually a perfect chance to break the stereotypes of sexual pleasure solely achieved in penetration. I would like to imagine Blitzbee having all kinds of kinks that may entertain both of them trying all kinds of tricks. Penetration is just a bit too old-fashioned for them. Spark sex, as a more daring method free from any trouble of size, should also be a good choice for them.

7） If there are humanformers, I would like to see Bumblebee being Latino/from Latin America, and Blitzwing being German.

This is my personal interpretation of their human forms based on their accents and designs in canon, and some of the interpretations in fandom. Their personalities fit pretty well for people coming from these two regions, and Blitzwing in particular. There are simply too many German implications in Blitzwing (his accent, his helmet and look, icy) that I just can’t imagine Blitzwing’s human form being anything else.

If you like my interpretation and would like to try this ship, I’ll recommend you my blitzbee fan fictions (ideas). Though they’re limited in number, they’re all consistent to my interpretation above.

Tfa:

Old World, New World

Tfp:

One More Light

Bayverse (Bumblebee movie):

(And the just finished Blitzbee Week 2024 piece)

The Phantom of the Opera

More works are under construction. And if you want to hear out my headcanons just search for #blitzbee in this blog. Thanks for reading!

#blitzbee #tfa #blitzwing #bumblebee #tfa blitzwing #tfa bumblebee #feminism #gender roles #analysis #ship analysis #Alice’s ship guide #my thoughts #maccadams #blitzbeeweek2024

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somewhat-very-insane · 2 months

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things that people seem to think are perfectly fine and socially acceptable, but that should not be punishments. and no, i don’t care what your kid did do «deserve it,» these are just wrong

starving or withholding food from your children

making your children destroy their comfort objects (or destroying the objects yourself)

feeding your children foods that they are allergic to

watching your children while they shower or bathe (when significantly past the age where any «help» bathing would be necessary)

hitting your children, manhandling your children, or otherwise utilizing aggressive physical contact against your children

making your children pick up broken glass (without teaching them how to safely do so) or walk on broken glass

withholding medical treatment from your children

threatening to do any of these things to your children

teaching your children ideas like «privacy is a privilege, not a right,»; «these items are in my house, so i am allowed to destroy them even if you paid for them»; and «people are allowed to hurt you if they feel like you did something wrong,» are so damaging to impressionable, fragile minds. you are setting your child up for a ruined, unstable future by doing these things.

* feel free to add on

#i am saying these things as someone who is also a victim of ramcoa #so more «severe» abuse #because upon being removed from the ramcoa i was placed into a household that did all of this #among other things #such as forcing me to get many pointless surgeries i did not want #but because it was «better» i was told that it could not be abuse.#//god's words #information #tw abuse #abuse tw #child abuse #abuse

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bonefall · 8 months

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“I like watching him get tangled up in his own web of self-pity, raising a superiority complex AND an inferiority complex at the same time.”

THAT NIGGA HAS BPD!!,! 🫵

ohSHIT... I didn't REALIZE

Oh noooo is that why I like him so much? Did I read BPD into Nightheart and attach myself like a limpet?? Oh god it makes sense now OTL

I was even planning for him to eventually find out he has a LOT in common with Squilf who I already decided has BPD in BB because I love her so much, is that what I was picking up on subconsciously?

AND BRAMBLESTAR IS A MUTUAL ABUSER OUGHHH... she probably recognizes him using the same tactics on Nightheart that used to work on her! Oh god oh fuck!

LISTEN; I don't rewrite arcs until they're done, so, don't take any of this as canon to BB yet, but... maybe a change I should really anticipate is changing HOW Bramblestar steps down.

I think it would work well with the themes of BB for it to not be his choice, but a... "gentle rebellion." Squirrelflight, Sparkpelt, all of the Firekin, Twigbranch, everyone who has been harmed by Bramblestar confronting him as a group and telling him what's going to happen next.

"You're going to step down. You won't be talking to Nightheart anymore. Enough is enough, Bramblestar."

"So this is how it ends?? This is how you treat me? ...this is what you've felt, all along? I've given EVERYTHING to this Clan, since--"

Just starts ranting, his voice rising in volume, lurches up out of his nest and tries to tower over everyone to make them cower.

They don't budge.

Sparkpelt is eye-level with him, just as big as her father. When he catches her gaze, he doesn't see his daughter's eyes. He sees Jessy, just before she left.

And she sees a child throwing a tantrum.

"Enough is enough."

He does not take the lesson she meant from this. He just hears his traitor of a deputy, his witch of an ex-mate, with her words in his daughter's mouth. He doesn't regret the real reasons; he regrets allowing Squirrelflight to mentor his kit.

And he claps that anger onto Squilf; "StarClan will be the judge of you."

A year ago, she would have been terrified of that. But God is hard to fear when you've been plucked from the heavens and seen his angels die.

"Ok. Anyway,"

then she delves into some boring legal stuff like how he won't sleep with the other elders, the logistics of making this official, going to the Moonpool with a witness, etc etc etc

#better bones au #BB!ASC #Tw abuse #The trick to writing Bramble is that he bluffs. He isn't physically abusive he's emotionally abusive #His size can be a really good natural tool with it but if you call the bluff he won't back it up #Doing this as a group would be a choice on Squilf's part because that tactic loses its bite when you have backup #Plus having everyone witness his reaction is good form. Confirm that he is not a rational leader or at the very least #Can't keep his cool under pressure #Not that most of these cats need to be told twice. Especially Twig and Alder.#I am also thinking of adding some democracy to SkyClan that Squilf picked up...#So these cats did actually vote for this on quiet #I should probably name this political faction tbh #They're the remnants of the TBC rebellion. Fire Alone radicals #Not that it's important yet #Maybe something like from-Ash-will-rise. So AshRisers in English #Since they are rising from Ashfur's tyranny PLUS the fire burning thistles away theme #Could be translated as The Cleanup Crew #Ask to tag

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8rujaa · 1 month

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my therapist really saved me….

#tw abuse // tw sa #i can’t sleep bc i keep thinking about this.#like i probably would’ve not been here if it weren’t for her #i started seeing her january of 2023… my life has changed entirely since then and she was definitely the one who got the ball rolling #literally so much has changed since then and it’s all because of her #i was so dissociated during our first few sessions #thanks to her i was able to get diagnosed and medicated for adhd. i was able to realize i was in an abusive situation and plan a way out #i was able to focus on myself and my healing and she’s helped me reframe so much of my negative thinking #i was able to process a lot of emotions and become a better version of myself with each session #she’s truly incredible.#i remember the first comment she made about the relationship had been ‘’so it’s like there’s an imbalance of control in the relationship’’#i had put my partners on such a high pedestal that i had no idea they could be doing anything wrong #and i asked her what she meant and she said ‘from what you’ve been describing it’s sounds like a strict parents and child type of dynamic’#she told me they didn’t need to understand why i wanted to leave and they didn’t need to make that decision. if that’s what was going to be #best for me the only thing i could do is let them know my reasoning and simply leave. i didn’t need their permission.’’#i remember being so confused at that realization bc like… i had been putting their emotions over mine the whole time i had forgotten simply #doing what’s best for me was an option… l #ever since then i’ve been putting myself first and it’s been a steady uphill from rock bottom… i’ve made an incredible amount of progress #when i first started with her getting out of bed and walking to the kitchen was incredibly difficult and took all my strength.#yesterday i conquered a mountain!!!!!!! i hiked all the way to the top!!!!! :D #me a year ago thought it was going to take me years and years to recover. as soon as i left i made leaps of progress #im incredibly proud of myself and grateful for her. and my reiki lady she’s also been a great great help.#the silver lining is i realized who really matters. and the relationships i cared about deepened.#my sweet virgo friend was the one who was always like ‘THATS A GROWN ASS MAN WHO CANT UNDERSTAND BASIC CONSENT???’#LMFAO i would be like ‘but he has trauma and bla bla bla’ she looked me dead in the eyes and said #’jess you said with your last boyfriend that you would never make excuses for a man who was hurting you again. stop defending him.’#she’s really a gem and i treasure her with my life. i hope she knows i love her. she’s family at this point #she’s also literally saved my life before (like deadass called 911 for help)#im glad i had the support system i had. that was a rough situation with so many layers and im glad i got through it #my 22nd year of life was by far the worst of my life and i don’t ever want to put myself in that situation again. im glad i learned.

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kn11ves · 2 months

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emotional support group for autistics who got called condescending and rude as kids just for responding to things directly and still not knowing how they were being mean

#what did i do #i got constantly told by my mother and step father (and his family) that i always talked like i knew better than they did or that i was #just as mature. i was just fuckjng talking what the hell did you want me to do #why do you feel attacked when a 10 year old speaks to you as an adult????? literally what #i dont know on that note sometimes its just like i dont even feel like ive aged at all #sure i have a giant explosion of time in my head just Gone from my memory because i was getting abused but like i dont feel like ive aged #or really matured ive felt like ive alwats felt #i cant relate when epople are like me when i feel all my ages or i wish i could go back to being x age or being x age everything felt so #different..like no it didnt. or im missing something?#i have never in my life felt like anything has changed. ive always been this old. there is no ''inner child'' and ive never had childhood #innocence or a nostalgia or childhood to go back to. i have no idea what any of you are talking about ever👍#ugh jst rmemebred skmething that happened with my white step dad's mother #we visited her house and she literally fucking didnt let me go (not physically) until i replied to her with Correct Granmar. what was i #doing? i was reaponding to her by saying ''yeah'' and she kept repeating ''yes'' like telling me to say yes instead of yeah and i didnt #Fucking Get It because guess what you old white cracker i barely fucking speak english and you are just saying things in an aggressive tone #like thats gonna make me get it. and i Didnt i just kept replying yrah to her yes's and then she got tired of it and we left out the door #and theeeeen i got yelled at in the car by being called disrespectful and rude by my parents. WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO?????????#those crackers never liked me LOL i literally know they didnt #ugh i rmemeber this one time my step dads father was like trying to show me some dumb boxing or karate or something punching move and he #told my mother that i was good at it because he felt i had a lot of aggression and then NY MOTHER YELLED AT ME IN THE CAR FOR IT??????#oh fucking wonder why te kid being abused mighthave aggression but she didnt Know (apart from what She was doing to me) like why would it #be my fucking fault if he thought i had aggression in me HOW IS THAT MY FAULT WHAT DIDBI DO I WAS JUST TRYING TO DO THE MOVE BECAUSE WELL #I WAS TRYING TO GET ALONG BECAUSE THATS WHAT THEY WANTED ME TO DO #she was like do you know how much that embarassed me and WHAT THE HELL HE SAID IT I DIDNT I WAS LIKE #8??? OR SOMETHING???? I DONT FUCKING KNOW!!! I DIDNT KNOW WOMAN WHAT DID YOU WANT FROM ME #mothers when they mother👍

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aeide-thea · 11 months

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god i know that complaining abt fic which most of you haven't read, and which i won't, for politeness' sake, identify in this post, is a great way to come across as both dickish and boring—

but i've been rereading a very long, very satisfyingly plotty series that's a fandom darling and the thing is, when you read like 400k of an author's work at once it really starts to become painfully apparent what their priorities are, by which i mean two things:

holy shit they're obsessed with 'what if strong powerful men who could hurt you didn't (but did hurt Bad Guys) (and it was sexy of them),' which leads into

holy shit they do not appear to have thought through the implications of saying 'i will have my heroes take over the same power structures that have enabled abuse, make no real changes to those structures other than swapping out the leadership, and then claim that everything is wonderful now bc Good Men Are In Charge'??

like. i don't necessarily need every passing fantasy to present me with a coherent, revolutionary system of politics and ethics—sometimes things are just fun and sexy and not especially Examined and that's fine!—but by the time someone's written literally almost half a million words, and done a lot of worldbuilding while they were at it, i am going to start squinting if they seem to think a Good Man can e.g. become an emperor by killing off the leadership of multiple countries and installing puppet kings loyal to him and still remain a Good Man, even if the justification was that the original leadership was maltreating its citizens and deserved to be extrajudicially executed. like. this shit was a bad, autocratic move when the US did it in real life and it's still bad now that you're having our mutual blorbo do it in fiction! and that's not even getting into the whole thing where like. they've got servants who the Good Man and his friends ""treat well"" but who very much remain second-class citizens in terms of how the story actually frames them and their concerns. [this was also a huge issue i had with foz m*adows' most recent book—everyone wants to write about fantasy nobles but they also want to make them good people and it's like. honestly i think it might be better to get comfortable writing about flawed people, but also—if your aristos aren't treating their servants like equals and your text isn't either, you haven't actually cracked the Moral Aristo paradox, sorry!] like, there's nothing that says your story has to depict a fully Healed World, nor should there be! but it's troubling if you seem to be convinced you've written one (and have your wide-eyed love interests constantly marveling at it!) when you very patently haven't.

#in all honesty—i've framed a lot of this as political/ethical critique‚ and like‚ it IS‚ but also—#i'm just really frustrated because like. the whole 'what if people were shockingly nice to you' thing feels like it SHOULD be better for me #but in actual fact i find myself totally turning up my nose at it and i can't totally work out why #i mean i guess part of it is that this author's Traumatized Love Interests are always really innocent victims #which i can't identify with emotionally because i feel like a piece of shit #so i need a story that's more like 'person who's been told they were a monster for so long they believe it gets convinced they aren't'#'(lovingly and sexily)'#but also i think a lot of it just. isn't subtle enough. like i need to have to put pieces together so i'm implicated in my own catharsis #being constantly told 'wow it's so amazing i'm not being abused by this person who COULD abuse me!! that's so sexy of them!'#is just. not doing it for me. like. 'not abusive' is not actually sexy to me‚ unfortunately. i need some character traits.#and unfortunately the ones this author tosses in for flavor ALSO don't convince me #because they never actually manifest in the story. it's like 'oh this character is so prickly—but never actually offends the LI.'#'oh this other character is so gruff—but the LI understands that about them from day one and doesn't take it personally.'#like. if the hero's 'flaws' don't actually cause any problems—they aren't flaws #anyway. i've definitely complained about this exact series multiple times on here at this point #but that's the thing—it's compelling enough i keep going back to it‚ so i get extra-frustrated by its flaws #whereas like. there's a lot of stuff that's much worse that i've been much less frustrated by #because i never had any particular hopes for it #anyway. thx for yr patience in this fully self-inflicted Trying Time‚ lmao #i guess this can get filed under #bookblogging

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lostlegendaerie · 3 months

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so that's the problematic fic I've been sitting on. Genshin Sworn-Brothers slash fic, which is. not even that romance focused and much more inspired by stuff like RRR and all those good good 2014 Stucky fics where Bucky Barnes had to try and be a person again. (Like the feelings are THERE but we have Murders and Espionage and the endless pit of despair caused by being complicit in horrific acts!!! Kisses can wait!!!!)

Anyway! I respect anyone who isn't into that fandom or ship, and I'll do my best to tag it for blacklisting. But I need to stop living in fear of strangers judging me online and, as Chunk Tingle would say, trot my trot.

Enjoy the fic! Or blacklist it! Either is fine. And thanks to all my mutuals and friends who interact with me anyway. Y'all are the best.

#I could talk more about why this. specifically. speaks to me #but it's. difficult to discuss even in the tags. just know that if you're reading this and you did bad things as a kid #because you were told you should or you had to because you were too scared to not do them #whether it was peer pressure or just trying to survive an abusive situation: I get it #we can do better. we can change. we can heal. and we can stop it from happening again

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burger-goblin · 6 months

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#girl help i'm romanticizing a relationship that i was in over a decade ago that left me emotionally bruised and stunted #a very toxic relationship in which i was abused in every way a person can be abused #i always would tell myself that i wouldn't take him back after he would cheat on my and i would be tricked into it because i really thought #that i could change him and he could be better #but i realized much later that the reason i was so easy to win back wasn't just because i was in love with him‚ but also because #i really loved his family. i loved the love they gave me‚ and how-- despite how poor our relationship was-- they were on my side #and always cared for me. even when we weren't together‚ his mom was always checking in on me #he and i reconciled years after our very‚ very messy final breakup and maintained a good friendship #however he started getting radicalized and was leaning further and further right‚ so i distanced myself and removed him from my socials #last year‚ around this time‚ i started having dreams about him over and over‚ so i took it as a sign to reach out to him and check in #turned out that his mom had been hospitalized and it wasnt looking good. i reached out to her as well. thankfully‚ she went home #and he asked me how i was‚ like he wanted to keep in touch‚ and i never replied. i wanted to keep that distance between us #but i would still be near if they needed me‚ and for some reason‚ i just assumed the family knew that #fast forward to now. his mom is gone and it's weighing heavily on me. he's told me he never wants to talk to me again #and that's also weighing on me. i wish i just knew the direct reason why he feels that way #like if it's specifically something i said‚ if it's that i remind him of all the wonderful times we spent together with his mom‚ or #is it because of his new wife #i don't think i was that much on an influence on his life considering how often he used me and cheated on me-- i'm not a threat #like to their marriage. so i'm inclined to think it's because i remind him of his mom #but not knowing for sure is the worst part of this‚ i think. i know he's hurting‚ and he knows i know what it's like to lose a parent #i want to give back to the family that gave me so much‚ but now that he's shut me out‚ i'm not sure how to do that anymore #ah‚ flea. you'd know what to say. i wish you were here to tell me.

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townofcrosshollow · 1 year

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I've learned from my mistakes and grown from them. I've lent an ear to criticism, internalized it, evaluated it, put in the work required to do better. I'm on my way to a future where I don't have to worry about these problems anymore, because they've been dealt with and I have the tools to deal with them again. I'm learning to be kinder to myself, and that being kinder to myself involves admitting my flaws and working to improve them.

I truly believe that the best feeling in the world is knowing you've put in the work to get better ❤️❤️❤️

#i'm reflecting on the last time i went though a trauma like this #and how much the work i've been doing for months has prepared me to handle it better #i had a friend who abandoned me as a teenager to be closer friends with the person who assaulted me. knowing what had happened #he was the last person to abandon me. and that stung deeper than this. far deeper #but even though his judgement lapsed he still loved me. and he realized how he had hurt me.#and when he apologized i accepted it #and when i saw him at work a couple months back and i nervously said hi. and he didn't recognize me because of the testosterone #and i told him my name. full of trepidation #he gave me the most genuine smile i've ever seen. a smile that was full of so much love for someone who had become a stranger #and he told me i looked great. and i wanted to ask if the person with him was his partner and ask if he knew how much he meant to me #and i didn't. because he was at the grocery store with his partner and that would be inappropriate #but i think about it a lot. and i think about the effort he made for me.#i know what preceded it. i know the person who had hurt me hurt someone else. and i know that he might never have apologized otherwise.#but it still took him work. i know that. it was still difficult for him to admit to himself that he had treated me poorly.#and it's that work that means something. it's that willingness to change for someone that means something #he had to admit to himself that he had done something frankly... really fucked up #leaving someone to be friends with their abuser. after seeing the aftermath of what that assault and abuse had done to them #like that is. really fucked up #and i was in no way obligated to accept that apology of course. nothing could outweigh that action #but god i know how it feels and i knew then. the guilt i felt knowing that person had gone on to assault more people after me #and that maybe if i had said something then none of it would have happened #and i know that isn't true. because i did say something. and it accomplished nothing #but that guilt was something i had to use to heal. and he did the same. and i'm proud of him for being able to move forward #you just have to move forward and know that you might not always have done your best but you're doing your best now #maybe i'll tell him that next time i see him come in at work. pull him aside and say 'i'm still so proud of you for the way you grew'#'that apology meant the world to me then and means the world to me now'#'you've written an ending full of light into a chapter of my life with nothing but darkness and i'll never forget that'#but y'know. that would be inappropriate haha. he's grocery shopping

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faultsofyouth · 1 year

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literally when I see women being frustrated with other women for staying with abusive men I feel like I'm watching the ouroboros. Like I get it, it happens to everyone, I've been there, but it's so self sabatoging.

#don't come at me if you're one of those girls currently angry at her friend for continuing to date an abuser after you and everyone else #told her not to #I spent 7 years watching different men beat my mother and I've had a lot of friends who faced very different kinds of abuse from other men #so when I say your anger is not constructive believe me because it is my anger too. and I know it hurts and I know it can drive you insane #but when your friend Sees that anger it will hurt her in a way you cannot understand. And if you are hurting her while you claim to love he #while you claim to have her best interests at heart -> then she cannot differentiate between the way you treat her #and the way her abuser does. And I know that's not fair I know it's not the same #And I know you probably care for her in a way her man does not. But when you tell her what to do she doesn't see You.#She sees the man who tells her what to do and how to live. She won't listen to you over that man because you sound the same #You sound eerily similar but he is manipulating her and you are just angry and upset. He will always seem to offer the better deal #so just don't be that angry friend anymore. Be an open door she can walk through whenever she needs a break from an evil man.#Be the life she Could have if she really believed she deserved it. Be good and respectful and supportive even when you feel like killing hi #show her how Everyone should treat her. Show her she deserves to be treated good; show her it is no problem for You to treat her good #And she Will start demanding that from men. From everyone. But she will do it on her own time #With her own setbacks and she will set her own standards. They might never be your standards but they will be better than what they are now #but first you have to be supportive and not angry. You have to root for what She wants and not for her relationship to fail #Even if you really truly hope the relationship will fail. You have to convince her that you want the same things she wants #You have to convince her that you want her to be happy no matter what that looks like. And Then she will ask you #To help make her life happier. And in my experience; that is the only way to truly see someone get to a better place #You have to help them get what they Want. This is way harder than being angry. Insanely harder. But I have seen women change a Lot #after I stopped feeling angry over them. After I stopped trying to convince them that I know what is best for them

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trans-leek-cookie · 1 year

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Hm I'm not putting this in yhe main tags bc. Yeah but I'm blocking ppl who call the step mother hot

#Like ok she kills people and is rebelling or whatever. She abused 2 children. One if whom we saw be abused physically and mentally in CANON #BEFORE NOW! YOU STUPID FUCKS. And I don't want to overstep bc I am not Black but both of her main victims are Black and I feel #Very very uncomfortable with people being able to. Ignore that? Like I don't know if she has a Canon/coded race so I can't speak to #In story dynamics and I can't say if it's intended as a pattern but it's genuinely something I think we should like. Acknowledge.#I dont CARE about you enjoying her killing people. That's like fine who gives a shit. I do care about the fact people seem to have assumed #That her being given nuance means it's like. Fine to gloss over the fact she is Canonically an abuser? Like look me in the fucking eyes.#She has abused Cinderella Pinocchio and her stepdaughters! I don't CARE if you want to say the first parts are because of the authors.#It. Happened. Oh wow she was written this way she didn't chose CINDERELLA DIDNT CHOSE TO BE ABUSED! AND OH HOW TERRIBLE THAT YOU WERE #ABUSIVE SO WE COULD LOVE THE PROTAG. HOW DO YOU THINK SHE'D FEEL IF SHE KNEW HER ABUSE WAS A CHOICE MADE TO MAKE HER ''BETTER'' AND #''MORE LIKEABLE''. LIKE SHE HAS TO HAVE THIS KIND OF PAIN JUST SO PEOPLE LIKE HER. DO YOU THINK THATS BETTER? THAT ITS LESS SOUL CRUSHING??#AND THENP PINOCCHIO. She. CHOSE. That. Pinocchio chose to lie to save his father. She chose to hurt his father to control him. Also more #Lore based but it's implied she did her story again. She has Cinderella's father in an etching. So. It's likely after she got this power #She STILL chose to hurt Cinderella. She chose to be the villain. She CHOSE this. She chose to hurt her again. She chose to be abusive again #Again. Implied. But I don't know what else it would imply. She broke off Pinocchio's nose. She saw him Vulnerable literally told in #By his father (even untrue as it was) that he shouldn't have been made. And she used that. She lovebombed him with promises of a mother and #Reassurance and GIFTS TO FUCKING MANIPULATE HIM. And I believe in adventuring party it was said that Pinocchio literally could not #Recognize what she did to him as abuse/manipulation because of the fact he had been taught that if something hurt him he like. Deserved it.#Or that it was in some way Correct. And that getting what he WANTED was wrong. She took advantage of that to use him literally use him #To the point he was willing to use his strings (something he saw as a trap for him literally representing CONTROL OVER HIM just to escape #Her he was literally GIVING SIGNIFICANT PARTS OF HIS AUTONOMY UP TO ESCAPE HER I DONT THIMK THIS IS FUCKING SUBTEXT GUYS)#Ppl say they want evil women and then act like the women who aren't evil aren't that bad actually because that would COMPLICATE THINGS HUH?#I'm so FUCKING MAD. Like use your brain you stupid cunts

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jackalopey · 2 years

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do you ever watch a show that’s so good it literally ruins every other piece of media for you? revoolutionary girl utena. i watched it months ago and i’m just absolutely destroyed still

#.txt #sorry it's been on my brain #it's an incredible show #it's a story about abuse and lesbianism and gender roles and the patriarchy #told using heavy symbolism #every character is so deep even if they don't seem it at first #i could give a much better ad for it but this is just my tags on a post #if you do watch it though #major warning for incest. grooming. csa #because the show is about those things #and it both shows them (in a way that i think is done really well but may be triggering)#and shows how they impact on characters behaviour #also it has a happy ending #but its not rainbows and sunshine #and some people dont interpret the ending as being happy so heads up for that #it gets very bad very fast right before the ending and then gets better again #it's so good though. so good.

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spade-club · 2 years

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Let’s play, “was I abused” game! Reblog and bold the things your parents have done to you! Italicize if you’re not sure. (copy paste it all and then bold)

(I found this and thought I might as well do this to help myself with denial later!! obvious abuse tw!! also I have a lot of stuff that came from outside the house too, but this is like. parent stuff yeah idk!!)

Physical abuse

parent slapped me to prove their point/teach me a lesson

parent spanked me as a “punishment” saying it was for my own good

parent pulled on my hair to force me to move

parent threw things at me while angry, things heavy enough to hurt me

parent trapped me into a room/corner so I couldn’t escape them

parent hit me when I wouldn’t obey them/tried to confront them

parent used a twig/stick/belt to lash at my body

parent grabbed me to force me to pay attention to them

parent pinned me down and physically prevented me from escaping

parent brought me into situations where I feared for my life

parent made it painfully obvious for me that I’ll obey them or suffer injuries

parent threatened to beat me if I wouldn’t do as they say

parent forcefully fed me something I refused to eat

parent made an attempt at strangling/drowning/burning me

parent banged my head/body into the wall/furniture

parent forced me into sexual activities

Emotional abuse

parent called me derogatory names and slurs more than once

parent said my name mostly with hatred and scorn in their voice

parent degraded and humiliated me in front of others for fun

parent insulted and devalued something really important to me

parent deprived me of something that meant the world to me

parent yelled and swore at me in anger more than once

parent blamed me for things that were out of my control/not my fault

parent shamed me for my physical appearance

parent guilt-tripped me for not pleasing them well enough

parent regarded me as a burden, and shamed me for needing them at all

parent insisted I couldn’t take a joke after I got hurt from their insults

parent never comforted me/got angry if I reached for comfort

parent punished me for crying/showing fear/showing trauma symptoms

parent humiliated me for showing excitement and happiness

parent subtly let me know that my feelings and my problems don’t matter

parent got angry at me for feeling depressed/angry/tired/suicidal

parent blamed me for feeling depressed/angry/tired/suicidal

parent compared me to cousins/other children to prove how I’m the worst

parent decided for me how I feel when it was convenient for them

parent told me that I was crazy/delusional/need to be locked away

parent threatened me with kicking me out/sending away if I don’t change

parent refused to accept my sexuality/tried to force it to change (gender but same deal)

parent required for me to act normal to protect family’s reputation

parent isolated me from family activities they all enjoy

parent assured me that nobody will ever want me

parent insisted that I was lucky and that I could have had it much worse

parent made me responsible for their well being and made me the caretaker

parent insisted that their harmful acts were all made “out of love”

parent demanded me to be available for their requests at any time

parent punished me for trying to establish boundaries

parent destroyed my belongings as a revenge

parent made inappropriate sex jokes and comments in my presence

parent denied doing any of this and insists that all the blame is on me

Psychological Abuse

parent kept pointing out my flaws as proofs that I wont achieve anything

parent called me stupid, incompetent, ignorant, while withholding information that I needed to know in order to complete tasks

parent would change their side of the agreement in crucial moment and then pretend it was obvious from the start

parent stalked me/distrusted me without any reason/invaded my privacy

parent attacked my insecurities and vulnerabilities in any argument

parent forced me into degrading actions while they watched me do it

parent threatened to leave me

parent accused me regularly of behaving the way they did

parent never acknowledged, praised or approved of my actions

parent always demanded they are right without any proof/explanation

parent insisted that they’re a great parent using financial support as proof

parent insisted that I should be grateful for how good they are to me

parent gaslighted me and tried to make me believe my memories weren’t real if I confronted them with what they did

Neglect

parent didn’t notice I haven’t been eating properly

parent didn’t notice I was sick/didn’t care for me while I was sick

parent didn’t notice I was injured

parent didn’t notice I didn’t have clothes/shoes I needed for school

parent didn’t notice I suffered from trauma

parent didn’t notice I was anxious and stressed

parent didn’t notice I was depressed

parent didn’t notice I was cutting myself

parent didn’t notice I was suicidal

parent didn’t notice I was being sexually abused

parent didn’t notice I was being bullied

parent failed to get me medical attention when it was needed

parent failed to teach me the very basics of self care

parent didn’t seem to notice any of my needs and feelings except the absolute minimum I required to survive (hardly even that)

when I notified them of these things, they denied it, accused me of lying, decided it wasn’t happening and/or blamed me for it

Financial Abuse

parent made me feel ashamed for needing money

parent made me feel like I’m a financial burden to them

parent only gave me minimal money to survive

parent made sure I never have a decent amount of money on me

parent took the money I earned from me

parent used the money to blackmail me

parent insisted since they “pay for my stuff” they have the right to control my behaviour and actions

parent had enough money for luxury but kept me without anything

parent refused to get my medicine/get me medical attention because it’s too expensive while they got everything for themselves

parent would keep me anxious over if they would pay my expenses or not

parent would make me do as much work for them as possible before they would pay for a necessity

parent kept me in the dark over family finances even when I was of age

parent would make sure I never have enough money to escape them

#oh man uh. hm.#literally im not kidding TODAY my parents told me I had it so easy compared to them #like. okay. you didnt hit me #congrats on that im sure that was so hard for you?? but like. that doesnt erase the everything else.#they literally started talking about the abuse they went through as kids and I was just like. I cant participate in this conversation.#and then my dad said its because I had it easier and im like. yeah sure well pretend thats why haha #anyway thank you emotional amnesia for allowing me to do this post easily. you suck but ily xx #also there was nothing for *dragging me through the house to get me to do what they wanted* but thats okay ig #also idk what forcefully undressing me and shoving me into shower classifies as either #so like. yk. there is some physical stuff too its just idk what to call either of those #oh also for the food one its bc I was allergic to the stuff they were feeding me and I told them that but they didnt listen!!#so pretty epic double whammy there #OH AND my mom would tell me after every fight *you better not be telling people about this*#to the point that I stopped telling people because I was scared she would find it and freak out #alsoalso the only reason she knew I was sh-ing was because she read my texts and then she demanded me to tell her everything about it #so she could *help me* or whatever. and then she promptly never brought it up again as if it never happened #so a lot of weird as fuck shit idk #also the way she checked my texts to make sure I was okay but didnt notice me being groomed online lol #and instead just taunted me about the crush I had that she found out about through that. fucking. okay.#okay thats enough oversharing I will just hit post now hehe

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