#but holy mother of god i am so tired. so tired | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kdyism · 1 year

Text

THE BOYFRIEND EXPERIENCE.

pairing. renjun x reader

genre + themes. fluff, idiots-to-lovers, friends-to-lovers, fake dating!kind of, college!au kind of, suggestive.

wc. 8.398k / warn. mention of food/cooking, mild cussing, making out, tiktok ref (im sorry)

synopsis. enlisting you as his "someone i'm seeing" excuse, renjun tries to get his mom to stop asking him about his date for his cousin's wedding and in turn, it puts your already tired feelings for him in a loop.

yunn's text. when this happened so fast, it took a day and a half. reblog + comments are appreciated! hope you enjoy it, happy reading! (not proofread yet)

suggested music to listen along! hello, sunset by red velvet. 247 by stayc. it's yours by nct dream. prada by fr:eden. kiss kiss by shinee.

Your eyes following Renjun as he argued with his mother regarding the same topic every time had become routine by the time a month was left for his cousin's wedding, you always hear the excuse, "I am seeing someone, I swear! but it's still not serious enough to bring them to a wedding!" he grumbles, kicking your poor carpet but you know there wasn't any mal intent because he was the one who painstaking went through all the reasonable options at Ikea to get you an aesthetically pleasing carpet without breaking your bank's back.

Renjun paces across your living room angsty with a deep frown on his face, nodding frustrated and you almost were curious about what his mother was saying for him to suddenly shut up and listen to her despite the begrudging expression he wore. He would often tell you about how much he loves his mother and how fighting with her always made him feel like he had to be showered in holy water to feel forgiven but when it came to his love life, no one is excused, not even the first love of his life.

"I know, I know, but come on you know I don't want to bring just anyone to this. If I introduce someone to you guys and break up before—like the fifth anniversary, I won't ever come back home," he sounds exasperated, locking his eyes with yours and you smile because you think he might stick to his words if he ever did, he had always been a stickler to what he did in front of his family's eyes.

The Renjun his family sees is a precious son, he drunkenly said one time and destroying that image of him would kill the innocent, law-abiding son in him forever and he would try to take over the world if that happens.

"I feel like taking that backpacking trip you were going on about now..." Renjun throws himself beside you on the sofa and you laugh at him, pushing yourself to the side to make space for him and he screams into your shoulder, quietly of course.

"When's the wedding?" you pass the flier you had bought from the tourist agency, pulling out your phone and opening up your gcal.

Pouting subtly at the flier, Renjun narrows his eyes at the cost of the trip and gasps, "Can you afford this trip? This is absurd—I retract my statement, I am not taking this trip," he crumbles the flier tossing it away and you inhale, stopping yourself from screaming and glare at him.

"That's my flier, you asshat!"

"I know you can't afford that, stop killing your savings!" he shouts back, holding his hands in front of him and pushing your clawing hands away, "I can take you to my hometown for cheaper than that," Renjun rolls his eyes, cleverly tossing out a suggestion that had been brewing in his mind for some time now.

It was maybe two weeks ago when he was on a call with his mother at home that he thought it up. What if he just took you to the wedding since his mother already suspected that something was up between the two of you. Lying to his dear mother does break his heart but his mother thinking he doesn't attract anyone breaks his own heart, for god's sake, she should know that all her good looks went to him.

Flitting your lashes at him, your lips apart and churning your entire face to express your disbelief, you added a scoff. "Um... would you mind, I don't know, speaking up,"

"I was only thinking," he quickly says, "You want a trip away from here and I need a person to show up with me in a place away from here," shrugging his shoulder nonchalantly, he takes your phone from your hand and scrolls down to December.

"You're going to visit your parents' house the last week of this month and I am leaving the first week of the next— You could just join me," he explains, pressing the 3rd of December and passing the phone back to you. "Our schedules line up—just the way you like it,"

Dropping your jaws at his insolence, your heart races at a speed you hate. His gorgeous face was already a challenge for you and now him asking this of you makes your heart's love cloud heavier. Renjun is skilled at adding more, and more, actions for you to misunderstand and your naïve heart just keeps taking them all, unable to commit to whether you should give up on him or just let your feelings rain on him, just the way he drowns you with his thoughtless actions.

"I will only pay for my food..."

"Wait up... you're going on a trip...Alone with Huang Renjun, the Subject of your affections, Causer of your tantrums, Disturber of my peace?" despite being on call with Jisung, you sigh seeing him roll his eyes wearing a disgusted look on his face in your eyes.

Humming in response, you aren't sure why you even tell him about what's up in your life when all he does is rub your bad decisions on your face—he has a point because you always end up in his apartment, eating your emotions away by downing two buckets of vanilla and strawberry ice cream followed by Jisung's signature strawberry milkshake that he specifically bought a blender for; it never sees the light of day when he doesn't make the strawberry milkshake that you very often crave.

"He gave a compelling reason why this works for the two of us," or maybe you are easily convinced, something that only happens when it involves the said person.

Groaning into the speaker, Jisung begins his usual lecture. "I don't know who is the stupid one here, me or you—But, didn't you say you were going to get over him? What happened to putting some distance between Renjun and you? What happened to going to the cinema with me today? Didn't you see me rush through my assignments to spend time with you?" pausing for dramatic purposes, you bite your lips inhaling heavily. "...Are you saying I did all that for nothing?" Jisung always had your back, when your back was against Renjun.

"Jisung," you said sternly, rolling on your side when you heard your name faintly through your slightly open window.

"You need to shut up,"

Smiling softly, you shake your head getting off your bed. "Chenle told me you were going over to watch the Halloween reruns on his subscription," and as if it were magic, Jisung hangs up on you and you can see him fuming at Chenle already.

For as long as you have carried your feelings for Renjun, Jisung has been on the receiving end of it.

Peeking through your window, you study Renjun's outfit to match with him and you note how cool he looks standing without a care in front of your apartment, scrolling on his phone and the sun looks so good on him, it makes you somewhat jealous how even the environment around him makes your heart go ba-thump when all he did was breathe and the sound of your heart gets louder when you recognize the sweater he wore; he had gotten you matching sweaters when he went on a trip to the Disneyland in Japan with his friends, you were a good minute from melting at his feet when he gave it to you and ran off to his next class.

Quickly grabbing the same sweater from your cupboard, you decide it looks okay with your current outfit and swung your side bag on, rushing out to meet Renjun at the front. Today, you and Renjung were going shopping for something decent to wear for his cousin's wedding. You thought you already had something that would work but Renjun said you should match with his suit which in turn matches with the rest of his family because they decided for each of the families to match colours for the wedding—you wanted to laugh at how committed Renjun must've been to go as far as make you match with his family when you were a pretend date.

"Renjun!" you slap your hand on his side, announcing your arrival and he nods, "My mom said I should buy it for you because I am bringing you," he said, glancing at your face to gauge your reaction and much to his expectation, you vigorously shake your head.

"No way,"

Ignoring you, Renjun leads the way to the mall you decided earlier on and you groan, knowing that once Renjun says okay, he rarely ever changes his mind. Yes he buys you a lot of stuff without asking you but when he does it in front of you, you always end up fighting about how you can pay for your stuff while he says, he invited you so it's only reasonable that he pays. You think that if you ever do date him (in your dreams at least) you'd probably always have petty fights about it.

Following him around the store, you try on many clothes to which he shakes his head for different reasons, "This one looks too tacky," "Ehh, don't you think this makes you look off?" "The shade is wrong," and by the time you tried on your twentieth one, Renjun groans sprawling on the sofa in the dressing lounge and you sigh, taking a seat beside him.

"This is the right shade now Renjun," you shake his side, trying to get his attention and he flails around, "Just...Just do this yourself—shopping for formal wear is too hard,"

Slapping his forearm, you flinch away when he springs up with a glare. "That hurts!" he rubs his side, eyes drinking you in, slowly widening. "This is it!" he jumps, quickly making you stand and he claps his hands in victory, not noticing your flushing cheeks when he pushes your hair up and closing the distance between your faces, his breathe on your side as he checks out your dress closely with a thoughtful expression.

"You look amazing in this," he concludes, nodding while checking the price, and Renjun holds his shock at how expensive it is but the way the dress hugged you made him think this was made just for you, he had to buy it for you—wedding or no wedding. Looking up to face you, Renjun felt the first pang in his heart that would slowly be the undoing of his heart, he thought he felt the last of it a long time ago.

A momentary crush that faded away when he got comfortable around you, Renjun absolutely hated how clammy his hands got when he was around you at the beginning and he also hated the way a single smile from you could render him goo in a single second.

Renjun pushes himself away, his ears burning and the characteristic sweat forming on his palms. "Do you l-like this dress?" unable to face you in fear of a blushing expression, he turns away to call the salesman.

"Yeah... you seem like it a lot," you offhanded said, confused at his awkwardness as he rubs his hand on his jeans; something you thought he got out of a long time ago, and you watch him, getting the salesman to scan the code of your dress and going up to the front to make the payment leaving you to change into your normal clothes.

To be honest, before deciding to get over Renjun, a part of you thought he was interested in you too. From the way he has been sticking with you since your first year in university, despite how he has always been cramming with assignments to the way he has always been buying things for you as if to say he thinks of you all the time even when you are apart.

"Should we head out?" you stand beside him, your shoulder brushing against him as you take the bag with your new dress in it from the counter.

Seeing over your head, Renjun thinks for a minute. His eyes go back and forth from you to behind you until he says, "Go ahead, I need to get something," leaving you rattled.

Renjun doesn't feel bad towards Jisung most of the time when you choose to hang out with him over your friend it made him feel more special even if it meant you were constantly changing your plans with Jisung. According to you, Jisung always leaves you unconfirmed until the last minute because he has grown used to you changing your mind whenever you decided your assignments are more important than watching ep 8 Brooklyn 99 just because Jisung wants to understand what all the memes are about.

However, this time, Renjun did feel bad for Jisung.

"I was waiting at the train stop... for almost two hours!" the younger boy had tears rolling down his side, his face threading the line between anger and frustration.

"It's my fault..." Renjun sheepishly says, scraping his original idea of just getting Jisung back to his apartment. "My mom bought an early ticket and came over while she was at my place. You know how my mom is,"

Rolling his eyes, "Are you saying me that you left her alone with your mom?" Jisung scoffs, throwing his hands to his mouth, letting the seat belt he pulled sling back and hit his shoulder.

Jisung hurriedly plugs in the belt, turning his torso to face Renjun who begins driving and repeats his question. Raising his brows in disbelief, "How...no, why would you let that happen?"

Renjun too honestly regrets having you meet his mom before talking about the whole plan with you, being in a pretend relationship that works would need the story to match on both sides. Renjun has no idea what his mom would ask and how you would reply, he trusts you completely yes, but he also knows how nosy his mother is when it came to his love life because he never tells her anything (because there is always nothing to say) and you, oh god, he knew you were nervous enough meeting his entire family at the wedding but this, you didn't even have time to dress properly when you opened the front door to his mom wearing his faded Ravenclaw sweatshirt and basketball shorts that Chenle left in his apartment a while back.

"Do you plan on ever telling her the truth?" Jisung asks out of the left field as the car drives into the curb near his neighbourhood, a shiver runs down Renjun's spine at the thought.

"No way,"

"Heh, Chenle was right about the two of you being idiots—You're meant to be,"

Careful not to chop your fingers as you slice the onions for Renjun's mother, you couldn't help being on guard as she floats around you. Nothing could've prepared you for this. Renjun for one wasn't lying when he said he inherited his mother's good looks because as soon as you opened the front door and let your eyes fall on the grace of her face, you blew a fuse.

"Darling, where is the cream sauce?" she asks, sweetness laced in her tone, scanning through the refrigerator.

"It must be in the drawer—Renjun might’ve stuffed in there last time,"

"Ahah, here it is. Does Renjun eat homecooked often?" she leaves the sauce out to cool, standing beside you on the kitchen counter and begins to work on the chicken.

Nodding in response, you slide the sliced onions onto a plate and grab the mushrooms next, smiling fondly as you remember the first time Renjun had cooked for you and added mushrooms sliced too thin. "Renjun and I take turns cooking during the weekends. That's more homecooked meals than what most of our friends have,"

Smiling gently at you, "That's nice to know, I am always worried he isn't eating properly," goosebumps run down your back as she says that while she pulls out the bones from the chicken. You never wanted to cross her, hearing stories from Renjun about how scary she gets and the sight of her sweet smile combined with the deboning has solidified your fear.

But as nervous as you are, you are quick to realize how sweet his mother is. Lathering him in affection as soon as her eyes set on him, Renjun flushed so deeply that you felt your heart swoon with adoration due to how docile he had turned in front of his mother, his ears turning red and whining at her to stop rubbing his head. She immediately asked you how you were and if Renjun was ever mean to you, you could've yes but you didn't. You said he's always very blunt, instead.

Though, despite how unnerving it is that you eased around her, you remembered that you had plans with Jisung and Renjun left to get him. The nerves shot up again, you did not want to mess up for the sake of Renjun and you think his mother caught onto how tense you had become because she started talking more than she had earlier, asking you questions about Renjun and how he's been doing far from home—what you've been fearing for though had yet to appear until she finally let the stove do the cooking and the two of you settled on the stools at the kitchen.

"You're the one coming to the wedding right?" she trails, her eyes blinking at you and studying your features, you nod apprehensively, unsure what she would ask next. "Is my son lying to me or are you two actually seeing each other?"

Ahah, that question.

You didn't know how to reply. Yes, your son is lying to you but no, I might also be the reason he isn't seeing someone because he spends all his time seeing me instead—you awkwardly nod though, "We are still at the talking stage... I don't know whether that qualifies," you said, your thumbs fiddling and you pray, Renjun please come home already.

As if on cue, you hear the jingle of his key chain and you spring up from your chair to go greet him, "You're back!" you smile in relief, clinging onto him and poor Jisung, getting left behind. "What are you doing here?" jutting your lips out when you see the other boy, you glance from him to Renjun for an answer.

"I felt bad..." Renjun pushes you aside, removing his coat and you take it from him naturally, Jisung watching you act so routinely with his friend as if you live in his house. You put away his coat and hang up the keys, following him into the kitchen and Jisung follows you without a word, only opening up to greet Renjun's mother who he has met before. "This is Jisung, you know him," Renjun says anyway.

You grab two cups of water for the boys and walk to them, finding them in a conversation with his mom. "Ah! Yes, yes I remember now—Didn't you have a partner or something for that?" his mother laughs at the memory Jisung had recalled, the topic: Cross-dressing Renjun.

"I was his partner for that," you giggle, loving the blush that overtook Renjun's face as you add, "He wore my clothes and I did his make-up, I was so sure he'd win," you said frowning.

"Well, that senior Jungwoo looked very pretty," chugging down the water you brought, Renjun leans into your side when you sit, sending your heated blood upwards. Before you had become close to him, he always gave you incessant headaches from blushing, you had enjoyed the dizzying feeling he created and the conundrum your stomach would get up to, suddenly, you think, what if this wasn't a lie?

"Your mother asked me if you were lying," you whispered to him, your eyes plastered on Jisung and his mother reminiscing all of Renjun's embarrassing first-year stories.

His jaw slackened, "What did you say?" he asks, eyes as wide as saucers and his breath brushing on your side, "Did she ask anything weird?"

Shaking your head, you tilt to face him. Your lips so close yet so far, you pull away and reply, "I said her we are still in the talking stage, I have no idea if that's even a thing for us—"

"—We've been in the talking stage for four years then," Renjun smiles, nudging your side and getting up to follow his mother into the kitchen when she announced she was going to check on the stove.

Letting out a ragged sigh, you groan quietly and roll to Jisung's side who looked at you disgusted, "You traitor, you liar, you asshat, I am never making plans with you again—"

"I didn't mean to ditch you." you cuddle into his side, comforting him by patting his side and he pouts, "I was there for two hours, you don't know how scared I was,"

"Yes, I know... I am sorry, I'll make up to you for sure," you try to put on your best puppy eyes, sure that Jisung would try to take revenge on you and he nods, "I hope you are ready to stick to your words this time," he says, dropping octaves to scare you.

"You have my word, sir,"

Before Jisung pointed out, you never noticed that you've been having the boyfriend experience during the recent two years in your relationship with Renjun.

Currently 3 am, you shudder as the cold night air chips away at you while you wait for Renjun to pick you up at the nearest fast food chain for an early breakfast and head off. Jisung said, how many people do you think have a meet-up spot at the unholy hour? Not many, mainly people who are dating or flirting—people don't go see people at 3 am unless they have something going on. You had never really thought of it like that, you thought that Renjun was a night owl like you. It made sense to call up the other person you were sure would also be awake.

"You are stupid—you should know better than everyone else, Renjun wakes up early—" it then clicked in your head, "Because he goes to bed early, what the hell," you blush.

The sound of your name pulls you from your mind and you grin, waving slightly as his car stops in front of you. Waddling over to the passengers and getting in, you pull your phone from your pocket and thrash it into the holder, getting comfortable to wear the seat belt. "Hey," you finally said, pushing your hair away.

"Did you place the order?" Renjun drives, his eyes glancing at you to see you nod and you open your phone, "It says it’s ready—Whose going to get it?" your brows immediately furrow, groaning at the idea of having to get off the car and you say, "I got it last time, you should do it this time,"

"Uhuh, no way,"

"Come on, that's fair! Plus I paid because I called you out!" you whine, wriggling into the seat, you hear Renjun chuckle and your eyes catch his eyes in the rearview mirror when he suggests, "Let's just do rock, paper, scissors,"

A grin flashes on your face, Renjun always loses rock, paper, scissors with you—the only he won was at a club when he was drunk off his ass for the first time in your friendship and you let him win because he has begun to tear up at his losing streak.

Fisting your hand, Renjun imitates you after setting the car in park at the traffic light and you chant, "Rock, paper, scissors—Shoot!" Scissors and your eyes move to Renjun's hand but his groan reaches your ears first, earning a laugh from you. He had thrown out rock and you felt a zap through your body in excitement—now this is what you call a serotonin boost.

"Ugh, you are such a cheat," he grumbles, the traffic light turns green and you scoff, " Jealousy is not a good colour on you,"

Rolling his eyes, Renjun contradicts, "Shut up. I am pretty sure you said green was made for me,"

"I only said that because it compliments yellow and yellow looks great on you—" "Same difference," Renjun says indignantly and you pout, rolling your eyes. You won, he has to go get the take-out whether he likes it or not because as you know, Renjun is a man of his word.

The rest of the ride was quiet, it wasn't an awkward or uncomfortable one but it was one where you could hear your heart's pacing sound and Renjun's soft humming, you especially loved going on a drive at these wee hours because while the whole world was asleep, the sound of Renjun's voice is the only thing you could hear aside from your own heart that always sounds to the beat of him.

Looking outside of the window, Jisung's words keep replaying in your mind. You couldn't disagree that you are indeed having the boyfriend experience.

Whenever someone hits on you, you get to say you are with someone and it's Renjun. Whenever you wear something nice, you get to say it’s from Renjun. Whenever you are apart, people ask if you fought with Renjun. Everything nice reminds you of him. Your every day revolves around matching with him, like he said, you just like it when your schedules line up—even your beloved gcal has an assigned colour just for him.

He knows about your bank details, and your class schedules, he knows your mom and now you know his, you know how he feels about his family and he knows everything there is to know about you daily—hell, you even have a spare key to his apartment that even his mom doesn't have as you found out recently.

If this wasn't the boyfriend experience, you don't know what having a boyfriend is supposed to be; aside from the obvious making out and such, which to be frank, you're open to if he is too.

Right now, as Renjun parks outside the fast food place and grabs your phone like it’s his and goes off to get your take-away, you realize he even knows your phone password and you want to sling Jisung outside a window for making you think about this.

You want to kiss Renjun now—that's what's missing.

That's something you could ask for if he was your boyfriend but he's not, and this is all just pretend. In the two years, you've grown closer than before and the few days leading up to your trip to his cousin's wedding as well. This is all a lie because, for one, a kiss is something that isn't meant for you, who is just a friend.

Your eyes can't help burning, tears flooding and your nose heating up at well. This isn't a thing to cry about—you already decided to give up on him, you remind yourself, feeling utterly stupid at how easy it is for you to make yourself cry.

"Oh my god! Why are you crying?" you hear the panic laced in his tone, shoving the take-out bag carefully to the back and shutting the door behind him.

Renjun leans in, pushing your hair away from your moist face now that you began sweating from all the heat that rushed up to your face and seeing his worried face, you can't help crying harder. "I hate you! you are so baaaad!" you complain, slapping your hands on his chest and he shushes you, patting your sides calmly, "Why am I bad? Is this because of the rock, paper, scissors—I know you won fair and square," he rambles, his hands delicately wiping away the tears on your face.

"You're bad because you are like this! You are so confusing!" you sob, putting your hands up between himself and you.

If it wasn't enough that you made yourself cry, your heart almost caught up to your neck. The usual ba-thump louder than ever and racing at the speed you didn't think was possible, if your chest breaks and your heart gets out, you wouldn't be surprised.

On the other hand, Renjun barely had any idea why you were suddenly crying and he does what he knows calms you down. Unplugging the seat belt you had on, he snakes his arms around your neck and pulls you into him, of course, he hopes you can't hear his loud heart beating like crazy but right now, he shushes into your ears and says all the nice words you like to hear. "It's okay, I am right here if you need to cry—take your time," he says like a chant, a mantra that he knows works on you because you taught him these words when he really needed to cry.

"Renjun..." you call, sobbing more gently now after a few minutes has passed. Craning your neck up to face him, you ask, "Hic—Why is your h‐ick—eart bearing so fast?"

Making gibberish noises, you try to make out what he says and he shrugs, "Um because you scared me... by suddenly... crying?" he sounds unsure and you narrow your eyes, leaning over to which he pulls away in response. "Why do you—hic—sound unsure?" you ask through your hiccuping.

"I don't know, I don't know—don't ask me this," Renjun feels the back of his burning up and the clammy hands return, he pushes you off and turns to get the food from the back. "Let's just finish this before it becomes even colder than it already is," he says trying to distract you, your glare though keeps following him as he hands you your meal.

If you ever ask him this again, Renjun thinks he might just run away from you then come out with the truth now that he has (if he is assuming correctly) become the reason you had a mental breakdown at almost 5 am with the sunrise as the backdrop on his car.

Whatever it might be, he hopes it has to do with the rock, paper, scissors and not something more serious.

While you were away at your parent's house for a week, you became sure that it was Jisung's revenge to have you think about the nature of your relationship with Renjun.

You hate him, you cut him off for three days now and suddenly, you are at his apartment unable to keep to yourself.

"You cried in his car?" Chenle repeats, munching on spicy chips and intently listening to your retelling of the most embarrassing thing you have ever done. "YES!" you nod exasperatedly.

"I was god awful—I think I might have got his shirt snotty and also, Jisung is so evil like why would you tell something so crucial at a time like this?" dropping your head on the pillow placed on your lap, you scream into it.

"Um. What's the crucial time?" Jisung tilts his head confusedly, looking like an adorable puppy but his actions have made him look like the most annoying creature on earth in your eyes, a scoff escapes you before you could stop it which in turn earns you a gasp followed by a resentful scoff. "Leave, just leave my house if you are going to behave like this," Jisung stretches out his hands towards the door and you cry, "I am sorry! You know I love you!"

"Anyways," Chenle pops up, "What's this crucial time? Even I want to know,"

"Guys, do you ever listen to me?" you weakly accuse them, and Chenle shrugs, "We are right now, aren't we?" to which Jisung nods.

"I am going on a trip with Renjun today—like in a few hours... My suitcase is already in his trunk and he is just getting things in order with his landlord since he won't be here for three weeks—and you know what? he says if the room isn't aired out at least twice a week, he'll die,"

Dropping his jaws, "Ah, the crucial time," Jisung laughs sheepishly, apologising for his awful timing and you nod, "Yeah, yeah you asshat. Be sorry for me,"

"What are you doing here if you are leaving today?" Chenle as always, always asks ‘the important questions’.

"This is why you're my favourite," you giggle at him, throwing a chip in his mouth as a reward and Jisung rolls his eyes, because if Chenle was your favourite, why are you always calling him in distress and disturbing his peace?

"I didn't wanna leave with bad blood." closing your eyes for dramatic purposes, you place your hand on Jisung's shoulders and say, "You know I love you right? You are such an important, irreplaceable person to me. Chenle, you need to keep him safe while I am away,"

Rolling his eyes, "I am glad to know you feel guilty for ghosting me for two days," Jisung grins, even if he doesn't say it, you know deep down he appreciates how much you put into words your affection for him.

Though he wishes you just do it with Renjun and get over this whole unrequited love situation.

Laughing at the exchange, Chenle says, "I take care of him all the time, don't worry," and you sigh, to show that you now feel at peace, you place a hand on your chest and look afar. "I can finally rest in peace,"

"Why are you acting like this, just go home,"

"You're gonna miss me when I am gone,"

It was just a two-hour ride on a single train that makes about three stops along the way, the only thing you is that your time of arrival would be late at night and you felt awkward enough pretending to be asleep, cuddling into the side of your seat and bringing your knees closer to your chest—you had a reason, your knees keep brushing with his and your heart couldn't handle any sense of contact thanks to your cry fest, though Renjun fails to bring it up whenever you think he might, you know it must he bothering him just by knowing is personality.

To say the least, Renjun's hometown isn't too far.

"Can you please stop pretending?" Renjun pokes your arms, his eyes staring daggers into your head and your body clatters, you didn't think you could face Renjun.

Fluttering your eyes open, your breath hitches. "Give me some space," you choke out, putting your hand up and Renjun hums, "You've been so quiet—are you worried about that breakdown?"

"If you know, you shouldn't ask me about it," you hiss, sitting up straight and sinking into the seat to make sure he sees your annoyance. You aren't actually annoyed, you didn't know how else to be normal though.

Renjun is probably familiar with your bouts of "Leave me alone," over the time you've been friends and each other’s confidants. He has never been the cause of your tantrum but he knows you'll come around. "You can keep pretending like you hate me. But right now, I need to know if you'd like to stay at my family home or a hotel?" crossing his arms causally, Renjun glances at you and you quirk your lips downwards.

"Shouldn't you have asked this earlier?"

"I was discussing with my mom," you were starting to grow suspicious of how much of his decisions are his and how much of it was his mother—"My mom says I should bring you home,"

"Will you be comfortable with me walking around your family home?" you pursue your lips trying to imagine what he would be like with family around, no matter how awkward you get, he'd probably be even more so. Thinking a second, "I'd rather not pay for lodging, so yeah, stay over," he shrugs.

"Even if it means I have to stay in your room?" you lean into his side, locking your eyes and tying your pinky with his.

Playing along with you, Renjun grabs your hand and asks, "Didn't you hate me a second ago?" earning a subtle smile from you.

"I can't be mad at you for so long. And I swear, I didn't cry because of you, you did nothing wrong, you didn't make me cry," you softly said, your fingers rubbing circles on his hand as you bring it over your lap. "Jisung is the one to blame,"

"Huh? At 3 am, Jisung made you cry?" Renjun furrows his brows at you, watching you firmly nod, "Yes, Jisung makes me cry no matter the time of day—he just like onions,"

"I am sure he'd love to know you're comparing him to onions too now,"

Giggling weakly, you roll your eyes. "Don't you dare tell him," you glare playfully, you surprise yourself with how fast Renjun lifts your mood. With your previous embarrassment behind you, you somehow end up lifting the armrest between you and Renjun, snuggling into his shoulder, and snoozing away for the two hours to his hometown.

Much to your dismay, his mother had prepared you the guestroom.

Apparently, she had cleaned out the guestroom a few months ahead in case family comes over because of the wedding being nearby and you didn't get to force Renjun into proximity, not that you don't do that either way but something about going to bed together makes your heart flutter, you know Renjun must look pretty lying down, resting his eyes and lulling into sleep.

"Knock, knock," Renjun's voice entices your skin, goosebumps rising across your arms while you stretch.

"Ugh... Good morning," you beam at him, your hair looking like a bird’s nest and Renjun hides a smile, pulling you up from the bed. "It's just me and you today, there's no food," he informs you, guiding you by your shoulders into the bathroom to let you freshen up.

"Are we getting take-out?" you sputter, trying to stretch the coldness away from your body. "Umm... wash up and come down, let's decide later," he shrugs, leaving you to yourself.

The kitchen he grew up around isn't the same anymore, the cabinet he had always opened to find cereal boxes and ramen packs now housed many types of tea and biscuits, clearly, his mother made the house her own once there wasn't a kid around anymore. Knowing his father, he probably just goes along with whatever his mom does.

Scanning through the options, Renjun flicks the kettle on to heat the water and grabs the packet of black tea, moving swiftly to the fridge to take out the milk carton. "Nothing better than milk tea for breakfast," he says to himself, prepping for it.

You always had milk tea in the morning when you woke up, you said it clears your bowels before you had to leave your house. Something you picked up from your family routine and he finds it endearing, you still did many things that you'd attribute to being childhood habits such as greeting him at the door and always leaving folded clothes at whoever bedrooms instead of just putting them away in the cupboard.

You also always waddle into the kitchen with your pyjamas on, not ready to change and begin your day just yet. "It's already 10 in the morning, why are you still being lazy?" Renjun nags, sliding your cup of tea towards you.

Rolling your rolls, you pout your lips out. "We are staying in today,"

"So?"

"I don't need to look presentable in front of you, you don't even care what I look like," your tone had changed from normal to whinny, catching him off guard. "What do you mean? Of course, I care how you look," he threw out defensively.

"Yeah? I don't see you checking me out whenever I come over," you point, sipping the tea he made you and humming in appreciation, he makes it just the way you like it and you only had to tell him one time. "No one checks anyone out obviously, that's just... that's like telling the world you think someone's hot," nodding curiosity at his audacity, you ask.

"So you're saying I am hot and you check me out secretly?"

Renjun gapes, blinking at you indignantly. "P O V, you are delusion. Why are you putting words in my mouth,"

"I think I remember what you just quite clearly," you spit out, peering over at him with a look of victory. "You can admit that you think I am hot,"

"As if—I know you think I am hot, I can see you checking me out all the time. I also see you trying to match with me through the window. You think I don't see you?" Renjun coughs, leaning against the kitchen island and you kick his leg, washing your now empty tea cup and you hear a grumble from him.

"At least I am not denying it,"

Narrowing his eyes, the fresh sunlight dazzling through the kitchen windows shines on your face. Extenuating your features and making your face look gentler than it probably was, Renjun cages you to the sink and scoffs, "Oookay," he drags, his eyes dropping to your lips, the sound of his heart clouding his reasoning and he asks, "If I agree that you're hot, can I kiss you?"

As if time could stop, your eyes widened, even the dust in the air becoming visible suddenly and Renjun's breath on your nose makes your chest tighten, heat spreading through your face and head, "What...?" you echo your mind, Renjun doesn't like you.

"If you don't say no, I'll take it as a yes," Renjun says, his head leaning towards your lips and your fingers betray you, curling around his collar, you grab him first and peck his lips. It felt like this dream would shatter if you kissed him any harder, a peck was enough, that alone was a dream come through and it felt so real, your body shudders under his grip.

But this is real, you say to yourself. Renjun needs an answer too, "Yes, yes, you can kiss me," you quickly said, eyes burning up due to the flame on your face, you feel the dizzying feeling back with the throbbing pain that always accompanies it. "Hurry and kiss me," Renjun chuckles, nodding sweetly at your words.

His hands cup your cheeks, brushing his lips against yours and your lips are as soft as he thought they'd be, you were always fussy about moisturising them. Not as patient as him, you lean forward and kiss him, his lips smiling into the kiss and his hands move back to cradle your neck, to hold you in a more comfortable position. Your lips taste like your favourite strawberry toothpaste and the scent of your cheap lavender soap bar intoxicated his movement, his fingers running through your face, feeling out your features and your lips keeps chasing his, the sound of your quiet sighs enticing him but he knows better.

"Stop," he says, his head digging into your neck. His lips brush against your collarbone, and he feels the shiver that runs down your back because he felt that too, the headache this heat gives him never felt this satisfying. "If you kiss me again, I'll take you straight to my room," he laughs, hearing your sharp gasp.

"That's not very filial son of you, you shouldn't do naughty stuff in your parent's house," you tease, your arms snaking around his torso, gripping him for dear life because if this was a dream, it feels as real as it could get and Renjun sighs, his breath tickling your neck.

"What are we now?" he asks, "Actually, did you even know I like you?"

"Huh, I would've never guessed." you bite back, pushing him off you and just now, you felt the back of your shirt moist from leaning on the sink and you release a groan, "Ugh! My shirt is wet,"

"My master plan." Renjun beams, sitting down on the kitchen stool. "Now you have to get changed into non-pyjamas."

"You asshat," you slap his head, running upstairs to change and your hand flies up to your lips, you cried last week about kissing him.

Your body felt like a fever, his body was just melting into yours and now, you've just been kissed and your brain might’ve melted, you think. You change out of your pyjamas, wearing what are "decent clothes" according to Renjun and hurry down, his side profile making your heart shake. Jisung was right, you couldn't think of anything you wanted to do with Renjun for a date that you haven't already done. Even meeting his family is a thing that should've come after he was your boyfriend—You've had all of the typical boyfriend experiences and yet, Renjun...

Biting your lisp, you just had to ask, "Are you, my boyfriend, now?"

"Huh?" he blinks, looking away from his phone and you ask again, "Are we a thing?"

Shrugging, this is the first time you've seen a blush on his face that you've caused. His ears glow, and it spreads to his cheeks. Lips quivering, you could tell he was trying to contain a smile. "If you'll have me, yeah," he nods, his eyes looking anywhere but at you.

"Heh," you giggle, skipping down the stairs to his side and you fling yourself at him, "I guess how you actually have a date for the wedding tomorrow,"

Crossing your arms and propping yourself on the table you've been assigned to, you understand now, why his mother was adamant about having a date.

Renjun has always been popular, even though he only attempts blind dates out of peer pressure and rejects everyone left and right, Renjun's popularity hadn't ever dwindled not even when he went missing doing his mid-term senior assignments. You should've known it was the same case back home, your eyes follow him as he greets people from his past with his mother and you can tell by the subtle blush on his face, the apologetic look as he points at you that they were asking about his relationship status again.

You even saw someone give him a gift when they should be gifting the people getting married instead.

"He's too popular, right?" Jisung huffs, stuffing his cheeks with the chocolate nuggets on your table. "I always knew," you shrug.

"Why didn't you tell me you were invited as well?" you glare at him, when you saw him as you entered with Renjun a while back, you wanted to cry in relief that there was someone you knew other than Renjun and his parents.

Forcing down the nuggets in his cheeks, he chokes out, "I didn't know if I was gonna make it—Renjun's cousin is kind of obsessed with me." He points at the groom and says, "I met him with Renjun a few years back and he clicked with me immediately, I don't even know why,"

"Damn, glad he didn't steal you from me," you nod, impressed by the reach of Jisung's charm.

"What happened with you and him though?" he asks, his eyes following Renjun now just as yours were and you grin, "We are now officially—I don't even know,"

"He acts just the same, I mean I guess we started dating yesterday but god, he is so awful, I didn't know how awful he was before," you complain, remembering how he woke you up last this morning when you would've taken more time than him to ready but he was sweet, he said he wanted to let you sleep in, though it still pissed you off that you had to rush getting ready.

"You were just enchanted by him before, now you'll see his true colours in their true form," Jisung concludes, sleeking back his hair as he stands. "I am gonna congratulate them and leave, see back you home," he pats your shoulder, Renjun appearing in front of you.

"Jisung's leaving?"

"Yeah," you stare up at his gorgeous face, his lips tinted with your lipstick but you didn't tell him that, you wanted everyone to know he was yours. The deep raspberry red that faintly stuck to him after you kissed him made your chest tremble, and you intertwin your hand with his. "You polish up nicely," you tell him again.

"You look nice too," he replies, a blush forming on his face and you grin, "You know, your mom was right,"

"There are way too many preying hands here, how did you manage to have only one girlfriend before me?"

Renjun thinks, humming at your question. "I was a bigger nerd back then,"

"But your cute even when you're nerding out," you blurt out, whether he was singing his favourite songs word to word or he was making fan art for a game he was obsessed with, he always looked cute when his focused expression; furrowing brows and a deep frown.

"You are the only one who thinks that,"

"You just don't know how many people think the same, you just don't know better," you shrug. You had already seen the Renjun fanclub at university to think otherwise. The only other time you cried about Renjun was the time they tried to make you stay away from him.

"I am just realising you'd be an awful boyfriend," you chuckle, you are ready to face whatever he might be behind the Renjun you know. "I am glad I didn't go on that backpacking trip,"

"Be grateful, I saved you so much money and you got a boyfriend."

"It's unfair though," you mumble, Renjun raising his brows at your statement. "What's unfair?"

"You've done all the boyfriend things with me, what else is left for you to do with me?" you ask, heat rising in your cheek because you can only think of one thing and Renjun giggles, it is an evil giggle.

"We both know what's left,"

"Shut up, I am just saying it's unfair that we've been on hundreds of dates already, we take pictures where ever we go, I met your parents, I have your apartment key, we cook for each other, we have matching stuff—"

"Wow, now that you're listing it, we've actually done a lot together,"

"Exactly! You stole my boyfriend experience—I've never even had one before you,"

"W for Renjun, L for you,"

#nct-writers #ankathia #renjun x reader #nct dream x reader #nct x reader #huang renjung x reader #nct dream imagines #nct dream scenarios #nct dream renjun x reader #renjun imagines #renjun scenarios #nct imagines

845 notes · View notes

cuckoo-on-a-string · 9 months

Text

Promises Five: The Hunt

Dark!Morpheus x (female)reader, fantasy/medieval AU, 18+

Master List

Dream of the Endless had been promised a bride.

A/N: I'll offer song recs to folks who are interested in asks! Still dealing with some mental health issues, but pushing through. HOLY SHIT THE NEXT CHAPTER. 0,0 Liking is sweet, commenting is divine. Talk to the lonely hermit, people. Her dog is tired of her shit.

The hounds sang after the hinds, and their masters followed them under the trees.

In the distance, the high castle sat like a toy house from which all the dolls had escaped, spreading their games and pageantry through the forest with bells and horns to warn away the deer and fox. Huntsmen released other deer, fox, and fowl from prearranged cages out of sight of the king and his swarm of courtiers, so the dolls could play pretend at feats of skill.

The bard kept to the back, holding a tight rein on her grey mare – who didn’t understand why she couldn’t stop and graze if the bard insisted on moving so slowly – in the company of the ladies Alder. Eilwyn, who’d visited the bard’s chamber two nights past, glimmered and glowed, illuminated like a piece of art in the dappled sunlight and the eyes of a few dozen would-be suitors. Officially, no one could pay court until the Endless had his pick. Unofficially, Eilwyn had received six declarations of love, five bad poems about her eyes, one good poem about her hair, and an uninspired puzzle box containing a gaudy necklace without a single gem of value.

Eilwyn loved it all, of course.

But as the younger woman amused herself snaring hearts for her collection, the bard conversed with the Dowager Alder, Eilwyn’s grandmother.

“The city lights are unbearable,” the elder Alder insisted. “My eyes are bad enough as it is, but when every street and tavern glows like the moon, I can hardly make out the planets with my telescope, let alone the fainter stars. With the travel time, I’ll lose whole weeks of work, and gods know if I’ll be alive to note my calculations this time next year.”

Manly shouts and howling dogs suggested something ahead had died, or was about to. The bard wondered how many of these fools in their fine furs would discover the material cost of bloodsport when they couldn’t scrub the stains from their velvets in the morning.

“You say that every year.”

The Elder Alder, on her aged palfrey, squinted at the green canopy shielding her beloved sky and tutted.

“And one year I’ll be right, like I always am in the end.”

The woman was an astronomer, a mathematical magician, and the idea of death hadn’t scared her since the bard first met her as a young maid. The wheel of the heavens moved before her, and it would move after, and that was well enough if she could just understand the damn thing before she shuffled off this mortal coil. She’d written books, and papers, and more books, and the bard wondered if Death would really hold off until the universe held no more mysteries. It wouldn’t be the first time.

“Of course, Lady Alder.”

Arthritis had long-since gnarled the lady’s hands, and they twisted over the saddle pommel and a hank of her horse’s main like knobby cypress knees, straining with the roll and sway of her palfrey’s gait.

“How far is the damned camp?”

Another lady – one of the fools hoping to wed her daughter to the Endless riding very far ahead near the king – seized the reins of her precious child’s horse and passed the odd trio. She did not look to the side. She did not look at anything. She lifted her nose far too high. And she nearly trotted over her own servants in passing.

The bard waved, and the daughter gawked with wide eyes as she was spirited away from poor influences and dangerous words. Really, any damage was already done, and fleeing the scene of battle only showed weakness. What kind of lesson would the girl really learn besides the fact that her mother enjoyed making a spectacle of her piety? Parents really had the strangest ideas about children.

“Grandmother!” Eilwyn exclaimed, clearly delighted.

The bard, equally delighted, couldn’t help herself. “Such language from so fair a lady. Shocking.”

The Dowager shifted in her saddle, face puckered in discomfort. “Hush, the both of you.”

Oh, if only she could. She laughed to imagine how much pain and trouble might’ve been saved. And how many adventures missed. They never would’ve been friends at all if the bard kept her own counsel.

“You expect a bard to hold her tongue?”

“The sun will freeze first.” The Dowager made a point of staring down her granddaughter, though, and her granddaughter made a point of smiling very prettily in reply. A lord several lengths ahead called for Lady Eilwyn’s attention, and she brokered an armistice by riding out of her grandmother’s line of sight entirely, leaving the two old companions to fight their own wars.

“My old bones are not made for riding.”

A jolt of pity seared the bard’s belly like the pain after eating a rotten fish. She’d rather purge it and be done, but the prickling discomfort would only grow with age. There was no course but to swallow it down and imagine it hurt much less than it would in time.

“Why didn’t you take the coach then? It could’ve brought you in comfort.”

Swollen knuckles flexing, the lady scoffed. “With the rest of the invalids? Don’t insult me.”

“But it’s so much fun, old friend.”

“Old,” Lady Alder muttered. “Yes. I am that.”

The bard shifted in her own saddle, wondering if she could stomach any of the inevitable banquet awaiting them.

“That wasn’t the word I’d hoped you’d echo.”

An eye sharper than any hawk’s pinned her from the side, and she felt like a child caught sulking. “If you need reassurance as to that, then you are not half so clever as you make yourself out to be.”

She seized on the opportunity for levity and smiled with all her teeth. “You’ve known me for a fool many years, have you not?”

“Aye, but a clever one.” The lady considered. “Most days.”

“Such praise you give me.”

“You fished for it so often the lake is empty.”

“Unfair but not untrue.”

The lady hummed her affirmation, welcoming in a moment of calm as they road in the wake of the hunt’s chaos.

Ahead, those most eager to prove themselves brought down smaller prey on their way to the day’s camp. Once all had a chance to refresh themselves with wine as their horses grazed, most would sally out again in the name of dead beasts. Dusk would bring them back, and they’d spend the night drinking, feasting, and debauching one another just outside the safe ring of torchlight, pretending to be very daring and wild for fucking someone in a bush. A bit more hunting in the morning for those who could still sit straight in the saddle, and then all would return bloody and victorious to the castle.

The bard struggled to understand those who found the prospect of a royal hunt… thrilling. None worried to go home hungry, and the creatures they met in the wood came hobbled, with teeth filed and tusks blunted.

Rushing down a winding stair risked greater peril.

Bored by the day’s excitement, she let her thoughts spin out in wider and wider passes, circling the crux of the drama.

What did the King of Dreams dream of?

Revenge, she suspected. Vengeance on the king that may boil over on the land he ruled, and she must guide her favorites out of the flood’s path. Those practical answers satisfied the part of her that always craved a direction, a purpose, the next challenge to conquer, but the Dream King’s retribution sat like a wax seal over a longer letter. She would very much like to read that letter, even if it was dangerous, and unwise, and entirely reckless.

The Prince of Stories must have depths unfathomable, millennia upon eon of secrets and experiences carved into his bones. She wanted to dismiss her curiosity as nothing but interest in a vision of her future. Would she be like him in another thousand years? No. She’d still be human, and he was Endless. All the lifetimes of the Earth couldn’t teach her to understand one such as him.

But that didn’t mean she had no desire to try.

From farther up the line, a runner came jogging, peering up at the faces of the mounted company. He looked from one to another, seeking the right address to receive his message. The bard paused, recognizing the Everard house colors on servant’s tabard. Her horse stamped, whickering around the bit as her rider leaned out of the saddle to catch the young man’s eye. He saw her and darted to her side quick as an arrow.

“Is all well?” the bard asked.

“My lady Alis Everard and my lord Tomas Everard request you ride with them.”

The bard looked to Lady Alder. She hardly needed her friend’s permission, and none of the Alders were the sort to cherish grudges over perceived slights. But the bard didn’t want to leave her to ride alone, either. She needed good conversation and someone who cared enough to notice if she swayed on her horse.

“Oh, go tend to your nervous foal.” Lady Alder waved her off. “My own proud filly will see you pass and return to keep me amused. We favor different arts, but she has a sharp enough eye to see trouble riding by.”

“Thank you.” The bard pulled out of the column of riders, careful to avoid the servant at her side. “I’ll see you at the camp.”

Whatever Lady Alder replied was lost to the wind. Finally given her head, the bard’s mare leapt into a canter, her hooves thumping a second heartbeat that rattled up and through her rider. Old loam and the sharp green scent of freshly broken twigs gathered around her like a cloak as she moved just left of the path, removed from the rock and dust of the road.

The bard knew what colors to look for, and she let all definition blur as she moved past lords, ladies, knights, and their scores of attendants. They all looked so strange and out of place in the tunnel of green woods, dressed to stand out in a part of the world where blending in more often preserved life.

Near the front of the cavalcade, she found the Everards. Alis stared with wide eyes as the bard pulled even with her, mare prancing and snorting in frustration as her run came to an end. Her dramatic entrance pulled other eyes, and the king – only a few riders ahead – glanced back with frustrated disgust. Perhaps she should apologize that she wasn’t a stag. For all of the ruckus she’d heard from afar, she saw precious few carcasses dangling from the hunters’ belts.

“Thank you for coming in such haste,” Lord Everard said. Stifled amusement plucked at his lips, trying to lift them into a broad, laughing gale. It would be bad manners to laugh too loudly too near the king over a jest to which he wasn’t party, but Everard clearly struggled.

She answered with the grin he’d tried to school away. “Best way to travel. Now, what is the matter?”

Lord Everard gestured to his daughter, and she in turn tried to sink into the mud of the forest track. She hunched low, like she could melt into her boots. Her complexion had gone pale, despite the flush of embarrassment creeping up her neck, and her gloves creaked as her dainty hands squeezed into fists. The bard let the merriment fade, looking and listening beyond the girl’s silence.

Alis’s doe eyes flicked towards the shadow who rode beside her king, and the bard understood.

Dream of the Endless wore his customary black, with the blood-red ruby shining on his breast like a heart he’d ripped from his prey. His nightmare mount had teeth where it ought to have eyes, and it laughed with a man’s voice. He carried a raven on his shoulder rather than a hawk on his glove, and anyone who hadn’t met his sister may mistake him for an aspect of Death. Or something worse, perhaps.

Lord of Nightmares indeed.

“He frightens me,” Alis whispered, leaning close. “I’ve had nothing but bad dreams since I came to the castle.”

As she should. A glance at her father confirmed he thought the same. Just because he’d been forced to bring his child to this storm didn’t mean he didn’t fear the lightning. He had too much sense for this farce and too big a heart to let the girl suffer. If his wife were not busy running the estate, she’d be here to shelter and comfort their little girl, but in her absence, he must ask the bard to fill the role, and she gladly pulled Alis’s attention from bad dreams to simpler truths.

“And you’ve never had a nightmare before?” She didn’t chide. She reminded. Even in the security of her own bed in her own home, the girl had touched the darker shores of the Dreaming. Its king would not reach out to swallow her now, even though he prowled so near in the Waking. “Alis, believe me, you are safe.”

Alis pulled her spine straight, taking a deep, intentional breath that shuddered on the way in and trembled on the way out.

“Do you promise?”

“I promise that if I’m wrong, I’ll find a convenient sword to fall on, and you can say you told me so. Does that make you feel better?”

“A little.” Realizing what she’d said, Alis blanched and rushed to add, “But only because I know you’d come back!”

This time her father did laugh, and the bard reached to reassure her with an honest to gods giggle, when chaos erupted at the front. The king and his companions came to a dead stop, and without warning or order, those who rode behind struggled to halt in time. Rearing horses and shouts of alarm rolled down the line like a breaker, and in the wave of confusion that followed, the bard once again left the road to circle forward.

They’d reached the camp.

A glory of golden stitching over swaths of emerald, the vast tents might cover an entire town, and smoke rising with the smells of rosemary and stewed venison hinted at the delights within.

The display paled behind the entity waiting at the edge of the woods, however.

Golden eyes like licks of flame from the sun’s heart smiled over ruby lips. Welcoming and menacing and all-too pleased with themselves.

Power perfumed the air, like honeysuckle and ambergris, clashing with the winter-cold snap of Dream’s clear displeasure. The King of Dreams had lost the veneer of humanity, and he set himself against the intruder like the deepest hour of the night resisting the dawn.

Few creatures could stand up to the king’s guest. Even fewer commanded the presence of function beyond personification. The bard did not know who the stranger was, but she knew what they were.

Another fucking Endless.

Every inch screamed of passion, romance, obsession. Golden hair and loose-fit silks that flowed like water into a garment that was neither tunic nor gown inspired sensual curiosities. They rode a unicorn, a bay mount with cloven hooves, a lion’s tail, and a goat’s beard. The russet horn glinted with flecks of gold, like treasure winking through a smear of blood.

The King of Dreams sneered, lip curling as he shared a frigid greeting.

“Sibling.”

The Endless in their path laughed, bright as bells and smooth brandy. It sounded to the bard’s ears like trouble. “I hope you don’t mind if I join in your hunt. Big brother.”

#fic: promises #morpheus x reader #sandman x reader #dream of the endless x reader #morpheus x you #morpheus x oc #female reader #morpheus x original character #dark!morpheus #fantasy!au

149 notes · View notes

male-body-swap-lover · 5 months

Text

Time Travel Christmas Part 2

Christmas 2023. I can’t believe I’ve managed to live this long. Once my wife, or I mean my grandmother, but really my wife died, I didn’t think I had the will to go on. But here I am. What a life I have led. Once I was transported back in time into my grandfather’s body, I was so worried. How would I make it through. However, it all seemed to work out. I got my grandfather’s memories and knowledge as well as I retained my own. My body could run on autopilot. It was quite amazing. The things I have seen. The moments in history that I have experienced, I will never forget. Quite frankly, I barely remember that I am supposed to be Roger Braddock the 3rd. I am Roger Braddock the 1st.

I was also worried about the butterfly effect. I was afraid I would change the future if things did play out perfectly how they happened originally. Would I even be born the same in the future. Turns out, nothing much changed. I did use some knowledge and, in this life, my family was a bit wealthier. It helped to know when certain stocks were going to grow. Nothing unethical about that. Now it’s Christmas 2023 and I am over at my son’s house. We are waiting for everyone else to show up. I am browsing his library and came across this photo.

I remember when this was taken. God the 1970’ were so much fun. He is probably 14 in this photo. I could never kick that smoking habit, but luckily, I never developed cancer. Just a wicked cough. I wish I could be young again, even my 40’s when this photo was taken. Go back to those fun fashions. As a formerly gay man, I certainly had fun with that. But in this life, I was straight. I followed what my body wanted. At least I have those memories. I let my son know that I was tired and am going to go lie down and wait for everyone to show up. I get so sleepy so easily these days. However, I suppose when one is in their 90’s, life is tiring.

Damn, what time is it. I slept so well. God, I feel so refreshed and lighter. It’s like I’ve lost weight. As I looked around the room, I realized I wasn’t where I fell asleep. This room was familiar. It’s what my son’s room had looked like in the 1970’s. Wait a minute; this is my son’s room, in my old house. How could that be the case. We remodeled this room and we sold this house years ago. I look down and see that my stomach is gone and I am wearing an outfit straight out of the 1970’s. Oh my god! Not again. I jumped up and looked in the mirror.

Holy Shit! I’m my son, well also my dad depending on the way you look at it. I must be about 18. How can this have happened again. It must be because I wished to be young again, but I also meant to be a younger Roger Braddock the 1st, or back to my original body. Now this means I am going to be living the life of Roger Braddock the 2nd. I wonder which world I will be living in. The one where my grandfather was my grandfather, or the one where I was Roger Braddock the 1st. What a story this would make, if only anyone would believe it. I kind of forgot how sexy my son was. He was so athletic and never lacked for a girlfriend. This could actually be really fun.

“Roger, the family is arriving. Come downstairs and greet them!”

That’s my mother. I look over at a calendar and realize that it is Christmas 1977. So, I am a senior in high school and am 18. Guess it’s time to open my presents. See some people that have passed on. Relieve these memories again. This is kind of fun. I get to live another life. I wonder how long I will be Roger Braddock the 2nd? I quickly change out of this colorful shirt and put on a Christmas sweater. I brush my hair and go downstairs. Well, this is groovy. Maybe I’ll go out to a disco later. The world is my oyster yet again.

#age regression #male body transformation #male body swap #christmas #1970's #time travel #father #son #male body possession

80 notes · View notes

classificationhell · 2 months

Note

Not sure if this has been asked before, but how would Mourningstar react if reader died? Would losing ANOTHER child finally push him past his breaking point?

Oh dear god..... (how dark and I love it and hate it at the same time lol) (Also if y'all wanna reply whether you liked this I'd be stoked because I don't usually go this hard or dark >.>)

Look, it can go one of two ways

(WARNING DARK DISTURBING CONTENT AHEAD! WITHOUT SPOILING TOO MUCH IM GOING TO JUST SAY DEAD DOVE AND GENOCIDE)

(Above should be a page of issue number 9 of Batgirl 2009 if I am not mistaken, i honestly dont know for sure i specifically looked up batgirl 2009 issue 9 marvin though) He doesn't see you as actually being dead. You just can't be dead. You're just tired because of the incident, or whatever it was scared you so badly that you became mute. Any smell you do or dont emit he can chalk up to your scent changing or stopping, which, while rare, can happen, but oh don't worry darling, he'll still love you and your scent, or lack thereof, no matter what. Also, don't worry about you being unable to talk anymore he'll fill the silence or just cuddle you.

Fortunately, I don't think decay works the same way for sinners in hell. Headcanon is actually that unless a body is burned or eaten, it will remain intact indefinitely. There may be some smell, or the scent might disappear completely, but it isn't completely heinous. Point is he's keeping "you" cleaned and dressed and chalking your unresponsiveness up to trauma from the incident if he stares at you long enough without blinking or looking away he can definitely see you're breathing so you're not dead. You. Can't. Be. Dead. You're obviously just too traumatized to eat, or maybe he fed you already. Ah, yes, silly Daddy, you ate your blueberry pancakes this morning because they're your favorite, and you're too full for lunch. He'll spend hours talking to you about anything and everything or just cuddling. You don't move away or anything, so he knows you like it. Everyone else, including heaven, better pray to all that is holy or unholy that he doesn't ever come out of his delusions. "You look so pretty today babygirl. I love that dress on you! The color looks so well against your skin. You look like such a doll darling. Daddy's pretty little doll~"

Option 2:

He knows and he is completely enveloped by an all consuming rage. Heaven won't have to worry about an extermination ever again because Lucifer will purposely murder each and every sinner already in existence or those yet to fall. The pride ring will become uninhabitable to even hellborns, anyone that steps foot there will forfeit their life including Angels. If exorcist or fucking Adam come down he will slaughter them without prejudice and send their heads back to heaven as a notice that no one is welcome anymore and any deal they had was off. Snakes take over the entire ring and make short work of anyone who dares enter. He's buried you next to your sister and mother in the garden and visits every day to tell you he's gotten vengeance for you and will continue to slaughter every sinner who falls or anyone who dares enter the pride ring, he's made a veritable garden of Eden for himself and his family.

#ask response #classification hell au #classificationhell #thank you #lore adjacent #reactions #lucifer mourningstar #serious shit #dark #dead dove do not eat #angst #heavy angst #the delulu is deluluing #the delusions are delusioning #yandere lucifer #yandere hazbin hotel #yandere #mind break #insanity

44 notes · View notes

tboygareth · 1 year

Text

I am always always thinking about different scenarios where Eddie could have gotten mixed up in The Mess (tm), and I just think that season 2 would have been great for that tw: reference to kidnapping and child murder

Hawkins has always been a weird fuckin’ place, even before the Byers kid went missing last year. Eddie’s never really been able to put his finger on what it is, but he sees it on the periphery of everything Hawkins touches. It’s not something you can see if you look at it head on, like a migraine aura or one of those floaty things you get in your eyes sometimes.

A couple of days after Halloween, though, Eddie plummets headfirst into the weird that makes the town of Hawkins churn.

He’s skipping school, because O’Donnell has it out for him, swear to god, and he’s flying up a back road on the outskirts of town when the weird comes striding out of the woods to his right.

It’s a fucking kid, and he’s driving too fucking fast to be able to stop in time but he slams hard on the brakes of his van anyway. The back fishtails and the brakes screech and the air smells like burning rubber, but he comes to a halt, and he didn’t feel the sickening thump-thump that he’s been bracing for. His heart is in his fucking throat, his head pounding, hands sweating, and he is trembling from head to toe.

Eddie launches himself out of the driver’s seat. The kid - the girl, middle school aged, curly hair that falls just to her ears, flannel and jeans - is standing there with her hand out toward the van. She’s posed like a comic book superhero, feet planted, shoulders back, and… her nose is bleeding. The van’s grille is dented like… Eddie can’t even bring himself to think about it. It’s like she stopped the fuckin’ thing with her mind ro some shit.

He definitely needs to cool it on the weed.

Eddie scrambles for something to say, but all he can come up with is a choked out, “Holy shit, kid.”

And that’s how he ends up with ‘Jane’ in the passenger seat of his van. That’s not her real name. Eddie’s not sure how he knows it but he knows it. She says she’s going to see her mother, and Eddie’s not good with silence so he tries to ask her questions, make conversation. She does what she can, but her grasp of language isn’t… great, and Eddie finds himself trying to fill in the blanks and coming up short.

He thinks she must be a runaway who's finally grown tired of not being home. She’s clean, though, and she looks fed, but she looks like she doesn’t sleep all that much, and Eddie wonders what it was about her home life that made her run in the first place. And the further and further they get outside of Hawkins, the more he wonders how she ended up in his little town anyway.

“Hey, kid, uh,” Eddie begins, unsure how to even say what he’s thinking. “You’re not, like, a kidnapping victim or anything, are you? You didn’t escape from, like…” At the word escape, Jane draws in an anxious breath.

Eddie hears about it in the news sometimes, about kids that are snatched and murdered and the awful, awful things people do to them. He remembers Adam Walsh in eighty one.

“Kid, are you safe?”

“I am safe,” says the girl, but she doesn’t seem so sure.

When they pull up in front of the little house, the last name Ives painted in swooping curls on the mailbox, Eddie puts the van in park and shuts it off.

“I should probably, uh, talk to an adult,” he says. “This is very weird, Jane, and I just want to make sure, uh…”

He doesn’t know what he wants to make sure. Make sure he’s not dropping this kid off into a death trap? Make sure there’s an actual human person behind the door of this house, and that that person isn’t some weirdo who wants to hurt the kid he almost ran over with his van? If she’s just a runaway, though, pulling up at home alongside an eighteen year old boy with long hair that smells like weed will just get the cops called on him.

“No,” Jane says when Eddie unbuckles his seatbelt. “It is okay. You do not have to come with me. Thank you for the ride.”

It might be the most she’s said at one time, the whole way over here. The urgency in her voice just makes Eddie even more anxious to leave her.

“I really, really should. There’s some sketchy people out there, okay? I just need to make sure this is someplace safe for you.”

Why the fuck does he even care? She’s just some weird kid that he almost hit with his van on the outskirts of his very weird town. He might as well just drop her here and go, get the hell out of dodge and away from whatever brand of weird he’s just stumbled his way into.

But if he sees this kid’s face on the news in two days, Eddie will never fucking forgive himself.

“Wait here, then,” Jane says. “And once I go inside, you can go. This is a safe place. My mother is inside. Please.”

“Fine. Fine. Go ahead, then.”

She goes. She’s walking slow up to the house, like she’s nervous too, and it makes Eddie all the more uneasy about letting her walk away.

She knocks (at her own house?) and then there’s a woman behind the door. There’s no recognition in the woman’s expression, and she closes the door in Jane’s face again. And just as Eddie is about to get out of the van and go up there, Jane puts her arm out toward the door, just like she’d done with his van, and the door swings inward.

What. The fuck.

He must be hallucinating. Right? The woman who answered the door before must have just opened it back up again. Right? Because that’s not possible. Magic isn’t real. This is real life. …Right?

Eddie sits there, trying to make sense of what he’s just seen, but he convinces himself he must have just been seeing things wrong. It must have been someone inside the house opening the door for Jane.

And if that's not the case? If this kid has magic fucking powers, if she can stop Eddie's van and open up the front door of a house she is clearly not welcome in, why shouldn't he want to fucking hightail it in the other direction? He's no hero. This isn't a Hellfire campaign. Maybe Jane isn't the one that's in danger, here. Maybe Jane is the dangerous one.

Eddie goes, but after about five minutes his paranoia and worry for this little kid gets the better of him, and he turns around.

He’s just gonna drive past, just circle the block to see if everything looks okay. One more time won’t hurt. Maybe he got a fucked up bag of weed, making him more paranoid than usual, but Hawkins is a weird goddamn place, and this doesn’t seem like your usual run of the mill kind of weird. It feels a little dark, a little sinister.

That girl had a bloody nose when Eddie got out of his van. The grille did not look like that this morning when he left the trailer. (Did it?) The way she talks, the body language, the way she really stood there and faced down Eddie’s van with her hand out like she knew she would be able to stop it. It’s weird. And if nothing else, now Eddie’s a little bit fucking curious, okay?

So he circles the block where the Ives house sits, and as he drives past, the fucking lights in the front room are flickering.

So he sits. And he waits. And it’s dark outside by the time the front door swings open again and fucking Jane comes striding out clutching a wad of cash in her fist. What the fuck. She spots Eddie and glares at him, but then she wrenches open the passenger side door and gets in.

“Drive,” she says, and Eddie does. “We’re going to Chicago.”

#this got a little long??#sorry??#i've been thinking about this concept all week tho #eddie #el hopper #bee's blurbs #eddie and el would end up being besties much to hoppers absolute horror

145 notes · View notes

trailmixedup · 15 days

Text

OKAY! So!! I am one week post op from top surgery and here are the things I have learned:

• nothing prepares you for how fucking bloated you get. It is emotionally and physically devastating.

• eat protein or you’re going to start dreaming about it.

• get ready to literally not have any reading comprehension or speaking ability until you’re after the heavy pain med. and then after that as well…

• holy shit your back is gonna hurt. You can’t crack it. No twisting.

• you can’t use ice packs on your actual chest, but they’re lifesavers to sleep with- I put mine under my neck on my pillow to keep my neck from cramping.

• the pressure and tension on your chest is uncomfortable but not unbearable. Mostly it’s just annoying.

• you need pockets. Dear gods you NEED pockets.

• you do not want pants with a button. The button pants will not fit and it will make you sad. It’s just not even worth trying. Just have drawstring pants, it’s easier on the ego.

• wiping your ass is hard now. I’m sorry.

• blowing your nose hurts. Sneezing hurts. Coughing hurts. Laughing hurts. Just… avoid needing too much lung capacity all at once.

• If you have body hair prepare for your compression garments to hurt. My skin is so tender and painful all of the time. And there’s no break.

• if you keep your nipples you won’t be allowed to shower for 2 weeks. You’re going to start stinking. Have someone around you that is willing to wash your hair like how they wash babies hair. Also have rubbing alcohol so that you can neutralize your armpit stink because deodorant is off limits for your healing incisions.

• chapstick is not optional. You’re going to want it.

• same goes for a big cup with a well-sealed lid and a straw. Drink so much water.

• you’re going to feel helpless and useless. It sucks. It’s okay. Don’t push yourself.

• you’re going to want to wear pants with pockets to bed so you have somewhere to put your drains. You’ll be so tired that it doesn’t matter for the first couple days.

• you want the longest phone charger known to man. I promise. There is no such thing as too long.

• ask for the anti-nausea patch. You’re going to want it, and it lasts like 3 days. Throwing up HURTS.

• the healthier you can be before the surgery the easier your recovery is going to be. It isn’t fatphobic or stuck up or whatever else people say to lose excess weight and eat super clean before your surgery. Start moving your body every day. Start practicing going from sitting to standing and laying to standing without using your hands. Your body will reward effort to be healthy with safer surgery and easier healing.

• oh my god buy a serious laxative that you know works for you. Your body will literally forget how to shit.

• if you can, buy paper medical tape, gauze pads, and extra strength Tylenol. You will use them.

• plan to take naps. There is no weakness in a nap.

• get up and stretch your legs hourly. I promise it’s worth it. You will feel so much better.

• you’re going to want a hat or some sort of hair control.

• if the binder doesn’t fit you in the arm holes, you don’t have to let it chafe at your armpits and hurt like a mother fucker. Just cut the arm holes wider with a pair of scissors.

• have some sort of routine. You’ll fall apart otherwise.

• you’re going to be snippy and bitchy. Get ready to apologize for being an asshole. Short tempers happen, but don’t forget to say sorry.

• prepare yourself for all the random tape and other stuff to itch. You just have to grin and bear it. Things are so itchy.

That’s all I can think of right now, plus I’m sleepy. I will add to the list when I think of more ^_^

#online diary #top surgery #top surgery recovery #ftm #transmasc #post surgery

11 notes · View notes

iamgrape · 1 year

Text

" My precious Eve..."

Content: Dick Girl / Futanari! Mother superior! Tatsumi x FEM! Nun! Reader. Request by: @rozestears

Previous || Part Three || Next

➽─ won't you run away with me?──❥

She silent stared at you processing your request for a minute or two. Her silence scared you, you suddenly went pale in worry. She giggle so suddenly and bend to get something under your bed.

Your eyes widen as she discovered something when your back is turn to her earlier but her gentle giggles made you both worry and excited??? as she show you the hentai book you hide under your bed.

"i--" you can't even say anything to explain why you have such unholy book under your bed! You could only stay in silent, awaiting for punishment and hate from her. For being so shameful and filthy girl.

"Such a naughty, naughty nun..." She gested as she flip through the pages.

"Do you want me to do all those things too you?" She lean in to your ears to whisper such tease.

"I-i... Y-yes...?" You gulp a mouthful yet blush cover your face. She grin as she pulled you toward her.

...

"ahmm... t-tatsumi~"

You don't know how it went from asking sister Tatsumi to 'dick you down' or even the part where your able to proceed such holy and beloved sister of the church.

But as your back now lays on your bed with her on top of you, and so deep inside of you. All you could do is moan and whimper st the feeling of pleasure.

"such vile request you ask for my fellow sister (name)~" tatsumi gentle voice of slight tease whisper to your ears as she ram her harden and warm dick inside of you. Not wanting to waste such god sent moment.

'ahh your so warm! I am the vile and sinful one... Dear God. I don't care if it's sin to act such lustful...! ' she thought as she kisses you so Lovingly. You whimper as you clenched around her dick.

"S-sorry sister t-tatsumi...! Ahhm...." Your apologize as you come undone once again. Your head in cloud nine and your mind blank out. Your hand in a position of praying yet your probably beyond help. The moment you ask Tatsumi such thing, your already doom.

"S-sorry for I h-haahhvee taint y-you ahhmm.." you cried a moan as she press your bulging stomach where the dent made from her cock is seen.

"it's ok. I love you and won't mind going to hell with you~" she kissed your lips so lovingly as she ram one last time inside of you, her harden dick pulse and warm liquid start to pour in.

"h-hot...!" The warm liquid almost felt too warm and too thick for your sensitive overestimated inside.

"I-i..." You felt Cummings again because of it. You squirm suddenly as she start to tease your clitoris with her right hand.

"Hmmnn ahhmm... Hueee. " You moaned in pain as you come yet again, squirting a mess in the bed and clenching her dick, milking her off her thick warm semen. Your legs locks around her waist, keeping her close to you.

"ahh... " She press her boobs against yours hugging you close, she whimper at the feeling of your walls trying to milk her balls again.

"G-god..." She love it... She's addicted! Is this why such pleasure is a sin? She wonder as she look at your tired sweating form under her. Steady breathing could be heard as you have fallen asleep from such activity.

She can't believe she holding you like this, it felt like a dream!' she smiled happily as she tried remove herself from you yet, find it defficult ad your hugging her and your legs securing grip in her waist.

"oh dear..." She sigh hopelessly. She held your butt to be able to flip you two with your form laying on top of hers, making your head rest on her boobs ( the very moment she's thankful for being such gifted in such department ) and pulled the cover up on the two of you.

" Sleep well my precious." She kiss your forehead before she succumb to sleep. Through she's a bit worried of suddenly having a wet dream and Cummings inside of you with your walls still clenching around her dick.

After that night, you and her would have that moment where you two would fuck each other when you two are alone. She called it her special lesson. Others think nothing of it but sometimes complain about the whimpering ghost in the hallway at night. In each time she got, she won't let you off alone. Especially to be one to answer anyone in the confession booth.

Everytime you tried to go there when you saw your green haired glasses friend ( the person who give you the unholy book ) you get pulled away by Tatsumi and made you seat on her dick through the sight of it is hidden from gaze of others with the robes of yours and hers as well the table. Through there's no one on her office to see such hornie face of yours at the moment, its only hers to see.

"Why where you going there again?" Her voice gentle ask you as she's so deep inside yet not moving to your dismay.

"I-i... Ahh..' you let a small whimper as her finger fondling your boobs and pinching your arching nipples through the robes of yours. Edging with little to none movement yet stimulation pleasure to only stop when your able to reach relief.

"s-sorry... S-sorry! P-please f-forgive meeeee.." You succumb to the lust as you tried to move to be able to cum yet she held you in place. " P-please... " You look at her pleadingly with lusty and tearful voice. "P-please fuc-- f-forgive me.Eee." you whimper.

"ah.H.." you felt the cock inside of you throbbing with her hand over the bulging stomach of your, she press it sending you in far edge. "Do you... Repent..?" Her heaved breathing as she tried to maintain her calm facade yet shes far worse state with your inside clenching on her, so warm and wet.

"m-maybe..? ' you honestly would still try to get another volume of a futanari hentai book on the future, it's for research purpose.

"... Oh dear.." she chuckle as she realize your too honest and your thoughts can be seen like an open book to her. "F-fine... " She gives up on trying to stop you, she would love to see what kind of new things you'll learn-- but first.

'ahhmm. Ooohh... " You moaned against her office table as she start fucking you from behind. Her thick warm cock that keep hitting your sweet spot causing you to see stars. " T-tatsumi...! " You mewl as played with your clitoris causing you to straighten up against her moaning as you cum with a shear cry.

"ahhmmm.." she moaned after ramming few more times and sending her loads of her balls inside of you.

"G-god... " She and you collapse back to her chair through still connected sending chills as she hit your deeps in that sudden movement. You squirm on her arms as she reach out to held your chin to give you a deep kiss. You shortly return the sweet gesture causing her to warm up her heart.

With that little moment of the two of you, she let you go get your friend new gift to you but with some work she need to fix and handle at the moment, she made you her cock warmer as she does her work, just another of her punishment.

Sometimes through the days you and her having such. Sexual intercourse in the house of god with you two being a nuns. You wonder if your corrupted or you have corrupted the so called God sent angel by church people.

You indirectly ask a fellow nun with such question if she imagine tatsumi would be the type that will succumb to lust yet she replied: "it's impossible! Mother superior Kazehaya devoted her life to serve god! Even if you put such unholy book in front of her, she won't be curious at all!" She claimed.

With you asking around about the same question, it reach tatsumi ears and soon she called you back to her office. She made you seat on her lap with no sexual gesture and lovingly hugs you from behind.

"My precious... You could always ask me directly." She chuckle at what you been doing lately. She's happy your interested on her, enough to ask around about her. "I lust for you because I love you so deeply... Your my eve... I won't mind tasting the forbidden fruit and be thrown out paradise with you .." she kiss your forehead, causing you to blush. "R-really?" You voice come out like a small squeak, she chuckle at your adorable face at this moment. "Yes. But unlike adam... I will not blame you... " Her softly voice lace with love with her lips right against hers, you felt your heart beats. It was so odd but it's a welcome one.

"I love you!" It was you who said such words with full of honesty and feelings she always wanted to hear from you. She would always confess her love as she don't want to lie in her feelings yet would wait for you to return such feelings.

Her eyes widen as she heard your words as a smile on her face deepen in glee. She hugs you with a tearful sigh of happiness, she once again kiss you. "I love you my eve..." She says as she and her embrace one another with love and affection.

In the corner of the room, one would see an image of the first woman-- Lilith offering an apple to eve. Yet the rest of the illustration is burn up cover.

#yes its keito who give you the unholy book #ensemble stars #ensemble stars x reader #ensemble stars smut #enstars smut #enstar x reader #Tatsumommy #Tatsumi Kazehaya x reader #Tatsumi Kazehaya smut #Tatsumi Kazehaya x reader smut #aiyo theres a plot here? 👀

55 notes · View notes

munamania · 6 months

Text

oh my god you know what i AM so glad im not attracted to men thank god im sick and tired holy shit. this was going to just be a stupid reactionary post on my silly little tumblr blog bc ive seen stupid posts like ':( maybe in another life i like men' and like we are NEVER getting out of here! and now i need to be like oh oop hangon everyone i for sure dont mean every man and also by the way i promise i am not trans exclusionary and also i really do promise i can wrap my brain around intersectionality in case you got a wild sense of ignorance from me saying im SICK AND FUCKING TIRED of everything being about men. you cant not think about them. ever. girls around you are going to base their entire personalities and identities and sense of self around attention and attraction to men and youre going to be made to feel rude if you dont go along with that being so #slay #girlboss #feminism. and honestly if we're fucking talking about it maybe i am glad not to deal with people who are socialized to think it's gay to care about hygiene and so dont wipe their asses or wash their hands maybe im simply so relieved to not have to deal with that and to have a partner that doesnt have to be taught to like and care about me and/or babied and mothered etc. jesus fucking christ holy shit. i want that for every woman but this is abt me rn and really many people whether they realize it or not ARE hostile to dykes!!!!!! and it sucks so incredibly hard to be around you!!!!! you people dont make a single effort to not talk about men or center every conversation around them, at best, and at worst, youre constantly fucking making lesbianism sound MISERABLE. it's not! it's really not. except well it is because everybody just cannot fucking exist without making it about a man or how they feel about not liking men or whatever goddamn tragedy idefk. this is clearly going to be nonsensical by the time i post it but holy fuck! shut the fuck up! the state of feminism rn is in genuine shambles ashes dust in the wind never coming back to save us.

#abby talks

15 notes · View notes

d3caynluv · 10 months

Text

ཐ🪦 ᜴ ִ ׂ 𓂂 ॱ ְ ANGELTALK LIVE, JUNE 23RD 2023: "eat with the survival show guys"

DON'T FORGET TO VOTE FOR ELLIOT & ZASHA ON SHOOTING STARS BY CLICKING THE SOURCE LINK!

"Did you set up the name?" Zasha asks as she sets down the plastic bag filled with their food, looking off camera.

"Yeah," Elliot can be heard saying before stepping into frame, smiling at the camera and waving. Zasha smiles at the camera as well, waving cutely before her brows knit at the title of the live.

"The survival show guys?" She reads in a perplexed tone, looking back at Elliot as he pulls her chair out for her. Zasha sits down with a small "thank you" before shaking her head at the camera. "Survival show winners more like it."

"Neither one of us has won anything," Elliot butts in before laughing obnoxiously as he sits next to Zasha, unwrapping their to-go boxes and putting the styrofoam containers on the desk in front of them. Zasha tongues at her cheek but laughs at the statement regardless.

Zasha opens her container, showing her food to camera in played up awe. She got lettuce wraps, the meat looking declious and covered in a dark sauce. "Ooo!" She coos, putting her plate down and clapping excitedly. Elliot watches her, smiling fondly at her cute clapping before opening his container.

"Chicken nuggets and fries!" Elliot cheers, pitching his voice and showing the camera his meal which is, in fact, chicken nuggets and fries. Zasha laughs as Elliot laughs through his nose, looking at her the back at his meal. He looks at the chat as Zasha quietly ensembles her lettuce wrap.

Elliots big brown eyes scan up and down as he tries to find an entertaining comment.

"How are yall? I'm tired," Elliot asks then answers. Zasha nods in agreement with a hum, an ensembles lettuce wrap in one hand.

"We're working really hard on our comeback and Shooting Stars–"

"God, we're working so hard on Shooting Stars!" Elliot reiterates, shaking a packet of ketchetup as he does so. Zasha eats her lettuce wrap with a crunch, covering her mouth as she chews, nodding in agreement. "Y'all that shit is so hard, holy sh–"

"Hey! Hey!" Zasha shouts, waving her hands over his face with a laugh. "You watch your mouth!" She playfully scolds, finishing her first lettuce wrap. Elliot laughs, leaning back in his chair and running his hands through his black hair with a shake of his head.

He laughs when he reads a comment.

"Mommy Zasha," Elliot reads, trying to get a reaction out of Zasha but she doesn't give him one. He nudges her with his elbow, raising his brows. "They're calling you mommy Zasha."

"I am mother." Is all Zasha says, deadpanning as she places her steak into a new piece of lettuce. Elliot laughs, throwing his head back and putting a hand on Zasha's arm like she just said the funniest thing ever. Zasha looks at him then at the camera, laughing quietly.

"This guy..." She laughs, shaking her head before pushing his hand off her arm. For the first time, Zasha looks at the chat, smiling at all the compliments and words of encouragement. She makes a heart with her hands with pucker of her lips before going back to esenemble her meal.

Elliot dunks a chicken nugget in his ketchup, taking a bite before leaning back in his chair and opening his phone to look at the chat instead of looking at the phone again.

"Did yall have fun with your teams? Um–" Elliot clicks his tongue, inhaling sharply with a tilt of his head and wide eyes. Zasha laughs quietly, looking beside her before looking down at her food again.

"It could've been better. I was really stressed out," Elliot tells as he dunks a fry into his ketchup, swirling it around. "Like...I've never been a strong at memorizing so learning the dance two days before we had to perform was so stressful, like...I was crying when we'd get home."

"So true," Zasha confirms as she takes a bite of lettuce. Elliot chuckles, putting his hand on his chest as he looks at Zasha.

"She was teaching me the cheorography! We'd get home and she'd help me by watching tutorials on Youtube. I wasn't having fun."

"Neither was I," Zasha laughs, taking a bite of her wrap, smiling as she does so.

"I liked the people. Shout out to Kadie for actually teaching me what to do. Finn did jacksh–"

"Okay! I loved my team!" Zasha shouts over Elliot before he can curse. Elliot covers his mouth with a laugh, loving how easy it is to stress Zasha out. He rubs her back lovingly before dropping his hand to rest on her thigh under the table.

"I really enjoyed being on Mystery Inc and can't wait to see who my team will be next week...I hope I get Elliot," She's trying not to laugh as she says it. Elliot laughs at her words, smiling at her then at the camera.

Elliot looks at his phone again to read the comments again.

"How tall are you?" Elliot reads, "I'm 6'2."

"I'm 175cm," Zasha answers, handing a lettecue wrap to Elliot as she takes a chicken nugget. Elliot hums, handing her the phone as he takes the wrap and shoves the whole thing in his mouth. Zasha is unphased, reading the comments as she leans back in her chair.

"For our next performance, I hope I get to be a leader because I'm already a leader here so I think it'll be really fun to boss people I don't usually work with around," Zasha tells, clearly joking as her hands move around to enphasize her words.

Elliot crosses his arms over his chest, still chewing his letteuce wrap before swallowing dramatically.

"I could never be a leader." Zasha gives him a look, seeing he's the co-leader of Pushing Daisies. Elliot looks her up and down dramatically before raising his brows. "I can't be a full time leader. I can barely be a co-leader."

"You're a good co-leader."

"You think so?" Elliot asks, smiling at her with a tilt of his head. Zasha nods simply as she grabs a fry from his plate. Zasha shrugs.

"Who else is there?" She teases with a smile. Elliot laughs softly at her before, looking at his phone in her hand as Zasha eats her fry.

"I hope for the next round-If I get to the next round-"

"You'll get to the next round," Zasha interjects, giving Elliot a sharp look. She can't stand the thought of being on the show without Elliot. It just doesn't feel right even the thought. Elliot clicks his tongue at her, tilting his head.

"That electric shock performance was not good. Like, I didn't do good."

"Yeah, but you ranked 3rd."

"My team ranked third," Elliot corrects, making Zasha sigh through her nose. "I probably would've ranked...20th if it was individually ranked."

"Elliot," Zasha shakes her head, "You would not."

There's a pause, a slow smile forming on Elliot's lips before he shrugs.

"Yeah, you right, I got a lot of pull. I'm charismatic." The two of them laugh at his sudden realization, Elliot beaming at the camera before looking away still laughing.

"I feel like that's a lot of our pull," Zasha laughs as Elliot nods in agreement, "Our daisies love us and we're very interesting people"

"And we're hot," Elliot interjects with a raise of his brows. Zasha laughs but nods in agreement, looking at the camera.

"Yeah, we're hot!" Zasha laughs as she looks at Elliot, shutting her container and throwing the rest of her food away. Elliot watches her before looking down at his own plate, closing it with a content hum.

The pair share a look as if to silently agree they're ready to turn off the live and go back to their dorm.

"Well! This was fun! I had fun! I always do with my daisies," Elliot says, putting his hands out as if they viewers could reach through the screen and hold his hands. Zasha smiles at his words, cleaning up their mess on the desk, throwing Elliot's food away as she knows he'll forget.

"Don't forget!" Elliot exclaims, pointing to the camera, "Vote for me and Zasha and my friends on Shooting Stars!" Zasha nods in agreement, standing from her seat and waving with her free hand./

"Thank you for eating with us! I hope you ate well," Zasha says cutely, gathering the trash and throwing it away. She pulls the trash bag out and ties it up. "I hope...You watch us on Shooting Stars anddd...Vote for us," Zasha says, dragging out her words as she finishes her tasks. Multitasking isn't her strong suit.

Elliot takes the trash from her, waving cutely to the camera with a sweet smile. Zasha smiles as well, waving to the camera before making a heart with her hands.

"I love you all! We'll see you soon!" Zasha cheers, blowing a kiss to the camera. Elliot waves as he leans to turn off the live, puckering his lips when he gets close to the camera.

"Bye bye!"

[ THE LIVE HAS ENDED. ]

#。 . * ⠀⠀ ( ROTTINGDEEPLY ) ⠀⠀ / ⠀⠀ SCENARIOS.#idol oc #kpop oc #kpop fanfic #fictional idol group #fictional idol community #fake kpop oc #oc girl group #kpop au #idol au #kpop addition #bts addition #fake kpop girl group #idolverse #fake kpop group #fictional kpop community

22 notes · View notes

unstabledreamparty · 11 months

Note

Hi!!!😛😛😛 my name is Angsty Anon😛 and I am a very angsty soul 🧐

I was wondering if I could request a Alcina x masc reader YN who is very stubborn and has an “I don’t need anyone to take care of me”attitude that gets sick? Reeder wakes up and feels really sick, but doesn’t want to bother Alcina’s because they know she’s busy with work so they go to do their daily tasks with a fever of 103, shakes and chills, and they pass out while working as like the groundskeeper, landscaper, or custodian, whatever.

Basically, just Alsina, taking care of a reader, who feels very bad that they are sick and doesn’t want to burden in Alcina, but Alcina is very protective of them.

Ooh 😮 I love it!

“Darling, your sick. You should stay in bed for the time being, until you get better.” You looked at Alcina and scoffed “I should be ok, I can still walk. If I can still walk, then I can still work.” Alcina knew you were going to be stubborn, it’s how you were. “Darling, you have a fever of 103! You are going to overwork yourself and make your fever worse!” Alcina tried everything to get you to stay in bed, but you still ended up doing your chores. “Cassandra!” Alcina was a little bit upset with you working with a fever, so she had to take extra precaution. “Yes, mother?” Cassandra knew something was wrong, she saw you working the grounds shaking like a leaf, and your heartbeat was a little bit to fast for her liking. “I want you to watch [name], they are incredibly sick and they refuse to lay down!” ‘Ooh… so that’s what it was!’ Cassandra nodded “I will tell the others. Is that all you needed to tell me, mother?” Alcina shook her head “no, dear, you may go back to your chores.” Cassandra left in a hurry to go find you, she was afraid of you over working yourself.

The three girls watched you very closely, scared something may happen. “They don’t look that sick.” Bela said while picking up a rose and tearing off the petals “I mean, they are shaking.” Cassandra said while watching you, almost intrigued “and their heartbeat is quite fast.” The final one said while listening to your heartbeat, scared it’s going to stop at any moment.

You were starting to feel tired, but you kept going. You had to get these chores done! You only have 2 more to do, you can’t give up now! But… it’s hard to resist the urge to fall asleep now… you couldn’t help but notice how everything was spinning, the roses were spinning, the castle was spinning, hell, even your hands were spinning! What’s going on..? Your legs started giving out on you, and before you know it, your on the floor. Possibly lifeless. That’s how it looked to the three girls anyway…

“Holy shit!” Daniela yelled as she ran over to you “oh my god, what happened?!” Cassandra said as she turned around from whatever she occupied herself with “I’m going to go get mother! I will be right back, and make sure they are not dead!” Bela said while teleporting away and coming back with the lady of the castle. “[name]? Darling?!” Once alcina got outside she blew a fuse, “darling, I told you! Why don’t you ever listen to me?” She said while she picked you up and took you to the bedroom

You woke up hours later to a wet cloth on your forehead and with a cup of water on your bedside table. “Wha?-“ you tried to get up, but was pushed down gently “sweetheart, lay back down. You need rest.” You looked at her confused “I was working the grounds…. What happened?” Alcina looked at you “you passed out, darling and your going to take medicine and stay in bed unless you need to go to the bathroom, but other than that your are not getting out of this bed!” You looked at her, what was her problem? “I don’t need you taking care of me, I can handle it myself!” You protested, even though you knew that you couldn’t do it all by yourself, you hated getting sick. “Well it sure doesn’t look like it, you looked dead when I walked onto the grounds! Now take the medicine and go to bed.” You didn’t want to argue with her so you took the medicine and feel asleep, hoping you would get better.

I’m so sorry for the delay! I got really busy! Anyway, please request anything, and I mean, anything! And please tell me if there is any mistakes! I will gladly fix them!

-Alex/clown:)

#lady dimitrescu x reader #x reader #resident evil village x reader #resident evil 8

41 notes · View notes

chim-aera · 6 months

Text

the muse

I'm nothing if not an artist, oh my hands are small, bony and curved and shaking, always shaking like the trembling rattle when Kronos lifts his scythe at the end of a life force.

please, please let me be an artist. muses, nothing, I am nothing if not the flesh wrought bind of oil and ink and eons etched into this fraying feeble form.

I do not want to be lost to the spans of time flitting into the wind as another lost mishap but neither do I want my name carved into the rudimentary veins of existence and history, please, for once. for once! let me be the muse.

I've been once, but oh gods do they never see all of me. I'm nothing if not a mirror, cursed, and shattered, blood trickling down my forehead and knuckles like hawthorn harrowing horrors, I just want to be seen.

gnashing teeth, and mourning moon minted unholy uprisings and aching bones my eyes like pools of quicksilver a mercurial sort of madness and this terrible aching softness wound together with sewing thread and ribbon, red ribbon tied around my throat. It will suffocate me before I tear it off with these clasping claw like hands, no, Lachesis, please. please, let me seen. please.

oh please.

why am I a flitting little memory scurrying and huddling into far corners of one's perspective to fall into the icy embrace of cold stone and collisions nothing gentle ever graces my skin, no.

please, why do I find belonging with fellow foolish, flamboyant, useless things of the past. I do not belong here. I don't.

I'm nothing if not dramatic, I am nothing if not ideal.

please. please.

I'm so used to asking for more time. but what am I even doing with it?

I wait to fall, hard, unravel. let my joints and skeletons unwind and slip out of socket let myself go still and sordid into the snow blazened earth. let the ice chill and nip and bite at my body turn this ashen form flush and blossomed. my warmth seeping into Mother I look to the sky and I'll ask the pine trees for directions.

they never tell me where to go, just to not stop searching.

for what?

damn it all I'm spewing fantasy and folklore and centuries of rotting awful words from these taunt lips.

please.

I'm so tired.

perhaps that's what I want. perhaps that's why I find solace in the cold corners where I creep of ages past in museums and archives, libraries, and silence.

make me a muse, make me a portrait, look but never touch, fleeting frivolous eyes to glance but never learn, only wonder.

make me a sacrifice all shimmering and sacrilegious, I'll go down without a fight, pull me down by the sleeves of my robes to the aching cold surface of your cathedrals floors. a holy demise, a sinful symphony. purify me? I was never pure. but run your dagger through my throat regardless. call my blood paint, an artist to the very end, how fitting.

I miss the statues in my grandmother's hearth room, they always smiled at me. I smiled back. now I'm all chipped china and twisted teeth.

now I grin at ravens, the stretching star lines of constellations, and moonlight. I am nothing if not an omen. I'll be whatever you want me to be. just wind be up and watch me spin.

oh look at me, sputtering maudlin meager cries for pity, or perhaps comfort, while I drag myself back to misery. I am my own executioner. I try to be soft, and mend my own wounds with yarrow, bandages, and the warmth of tea in a sunwarmed ceramic mug in these cold, trembling hands.

I try. I'll try. but oh, still, forever the poet, never the muse. alas, but that's just how it's meant to be, I suppose. I'll write you in and weave you into the heavens, remember me, or not. I'm just a poet, after all.

#bad poetry

5 notes · View notes

bontensucker · 2 years

Text

Under your spell - Part VI

Minors don’t interact

Summary : The great inquisition. In a small village during medieval old time, a young crusader has been ordained priest. A rumor of a witch cursing the place with plague has rapidly spread around. To find the witch and put her at the stake, the holy knight has instilled fear and mistrust but he finds resistance in you. Starting to have dirty thoughts about you, he gets you jailed, so sure you’re the sinner he’s chasing after. But are you really the one you pretend not to be ?

WC : 5,2 k

Content : Historical au, angst, fluff, romance, heavy blasphemy, corruption, smut, breeding, violence, death.

Pairing : Crusader!Taiju Shiba x Fem!Reader.

Warning : This chapter might be really hurtful for some ppl, please read it carefully, it contains a lot of angst. Also, this is not the last chapter !

🕮 Previous chapter | 🕮 Next chapter

His future is inside your body.

That’s what you think round and round while you and him are standing naked in your hideout. His hands rest on your belly and he looks at it like it’s the most sacred thing he ever saw, it’s not really showing up yet but he can’t stop himself from touching you there.

You bear his heir. The fruit of your forbidden passion, the bastard of a priest and a once sentenced witch is growing inside you.

You were so afraid of his reaction when you told him. You thought he wouldn’t be pleased because of God’s wrath for doing the utmost unforgivable sin, that he would tell you he doesn’t want the child or worst, he would abandon you. But he did not.

Indeed, him being shocked was an understatement. He just froze in place when he understood what you told him, but the after shock was not what you thought either.

He just fell on his knees and he closed his eyes while shoving his face to your stomach, talking to his baby to be born.

« I knew it long time ago. God let me see you in my dreams. I thought it was black magic but I was wrong. The Lord sent me a message from the kingdom of heaven. Do not worry child, I will take care of you and your mother, as God is my witness, you will never be in need of anything. »

Since then he fought harder than ever on the battlefield, it wasn’t about his faith alone anymore. He became a little more reckless, sneaking out of the camp almost every weeks to see you. Every sneeze, shivers, every little sign of tardiness had him worried. He forbade you to lift heavy stuff, must be wood or water. He did it for you, even if he was tired from the fights. He also brought more food even if you told him it was unnecessary.

Your bump was starting to show a little bit when naked, not much yet, but everytime his eyes were on it, his usually angry look softened like he wouldn’t dare to lay his eyes on you with a severe stare in fear of hurting the baby.

His latest obsession now is to make you leave the holy lands for good.

« I told you I do not want to leave you. »

« I know. But part of my legacy is lands in the north, where you could live as a lady, you and our child would have a most suitable life. You bear a Shiba, it is out of question for them to be raised in the middle of the wood.»

« Not as a lady… as your mistress. And what about your family ? What about the cardinal ? If you have to hide us from them by locking me up in your castle I would rather stay here with you than away in a property where I will never see you. »

« Enough with your stubbornness Y/n. Do you not want our child to have everything they deserve ? I could bring the best tutors, I would make sure they learn to read and write, they would study theology, litterature, latin, ancient Greek, mathematics and also teach them how to administrate a land, how to sword fight, and horse riding and dancing and- »

« Taiju ! I am not opposed to all of this. But what a baby needs is not gold or lessons on how to become a noble. They will need their father. » You whisper sliding your hand in his. « I will need you too. »

He puts his warm palms around your face and you lift it to let him kiss you. « I am aware of this… situation…but…you know it is not that simple. »

« I do. » you say closing your eyes while you deepen the kiss. « I just want to be with you forever. »

He groan in the kiss and put a hand on your back, then slide it slowly until he can grab your ass in his full hand. « I do not wish to argue with you. I just want you both to be safe and sound. And I will do everything it takes for that… Now, is it me, or you are becoming more and more arousing ? »

You smile against his lips, feeling his hard on against your stomach. « You already impregnated me, breeding me would be pointless, lord commander. »

He smirks and lift you from the ground. You roll your legs around his heavy waist while he kisses your breast. « Nonsense. It is my duty to mark what is mine. »

He walks you to the bed and sit you on the edge before flipping you on your stomach, grabbing your hips to have you on all four so you don’t lay on your little bump he already loves so much.

« Taiju, what are you doing ? » You say, trying to look behind your shoulder.

« I told you, I take what is mine. »

He grabs you ass cheeks and part them just to make space for him to slide his thick cock in between and then let a long string of saliva fall from his mouth to his length.

You chuckle and breath hard when you feel him sliding his cockhead up and down your folds. Your cheek lay down on the mattress while he makes you more and more needy. You start to wriggle beneath him and he smirks.

« What is the matter Y/n ? »

« Hurry… I want you… » You plead, feeling your cunt becoming so wet for the crusader.

« Then, would you let me breed you again ? »

« Yes ! God yes… I want your semen inside my womb. »

He smiles and starts to slide his dick inside your tight hole. « Good girl. »

You moan loudly when you feel him split you open on his hard shaft.

Your eyes roll inside when he bottoms out. No matter how many time you did it, you’ll never get used to his size. Taiju is a tall and built up man, and God as gifted him everywhere.

You feel the blood rush in your vein as he doesn’t move and you need so bad to feel his powerful thrusts, you start to move on your own.

He looks at you rolling your hips to meet his and bites on his lower lip. « Someone is eager. »

« More… I want to feel you deep inside me. »

He caress your ass before giving it a slap. « Greed and lust are great sins woman, are you not ashamed ? »

He teases you, wanting to take his time when all you want is feeling him slamming his hips against your ass.

He bend over and peppers kisses on your back. « Be patient, I promise I will make you feel good. »

« No ! I want it now ! »

You push him away from you and he let you do what you want even if he’s a bit surprised by your behavior. You became more sexual since you’re pregnant. Not against his liking but you always let him do what he wanted.

You push him on the bed and come to straddle him, riding him with your hand on his throat.

His eyes slides from your beautiful face to your belly and he adores everything you are, everything you do to him.

He puts his hands on your hips to help you go up and down his hard dick and you moan with him as soon as he starts to move in sync with you.

The pit in your stomach starts to grow slowly while you feel him nudged deep inside you, throbbing everytime he hits your sweet spot.

He lift his body to give you a passionate kiss and whispers against your lips « Mine. »

Your forehead rest against his while you smile « Yours, eternally. »

It makes him groan, grabbing your hips to slam his pelvis up hard and you moan for him loudly.

You squeeze him inside when he touches your right spot and it makes him go harder whispering « Good girl, you are my good girl. »

All your body starts to shiver as he thrust deeper and deeper inside you, touching your cervix with the tip of his cock and he comes to gently neeble on one of your boobs.

Your hands go in his black and blue hair to keep him close while you and him start to chase after your release.

He puts his head against your heart and make you slide on his shaft while his mouth starts to open, letting hard breath informing you he’s going to come soon.

You put your hands in his locks and pull lightly so he can look you in the eye. You’re chasing after his mouth and he kisses you passionately.

« Marry me. » he whispers in it.

Your breath is taken away as he slams your hips against his. You moan, feeling like you heard him wrong but he deepens the kiss before parting his lips. « I am about to come Y/n. »

You move faster on him, your warm walls sliding easily around his long cock and you keep him as close as you can.

« Come Taiju… come inside of me. Make me yours. »

He groans as his hips falter and he releases his thick cum inside you.

Your head fall back as he makes you come undone in a pure bliss.

He looks at you cumming for him and he’s so sure about his next words.

« Marry me Y/n. I want you to be my wife. »

« What ? »

« Let us take our vows. Right now. »

You look at him not understanding. You don’t even know what is stronger inside you, you’re just dumbfounded.

« Taiju… You cannot-»

« You do not want to be my wife ? »

« Of course I do ! But… you are a priest, you cannot- »

« Precisely. I am a priest. It means I am able to marry us. God put you on my way to give me an heir. I tried to burn you alive but you survived. I tried to leave you but you found your way back to me. You crossed an ocean, you walked through a land at war. You jumped out of a ship and yet you survived all of this. And more than that… » he put his hand on your belly, his cock still buried inside you. « You are going to make me a father. The Lord wanted me to be with you. I do not know why, but what I know for sure is that I want to make you mine. I want you to have my name. I want you to have my children. I thought my whole life had to be dedicated to the Almighty Lord but he wants me to be with you, I know that, you are pregnant by his will. I just know I want to protect and cherish you for the rest of my life. »

Your eyes start watering and you don’t know if it’s from happiness or because of the hormones. But you hug him close and kiss him again.

« What do you say ? » he asks against your lips.

« I say yes. I want to be your wife. »

He kisses you starting to thrust carefully inside you while he cup your cheek and do his work as a priest and a groom.

You repeat after him the vows that you have to take under the benevolent gaze of a god whom you don’t know if he really exists but if your husband believes in him then you’re willing to hope for his blessing.

As he fucks you gently, Taiju ends the process almost in a hurry, so eager to feel your lips against his.

« You may now kiss the bride. » You don’t wait for him to come as you kiss him toroughly while he come again inside you, breeding his newly wife.

« Mrs Shiba. » He whispers and your toes curl as he makes you cum with him.

Not once since you met him, you thought it would end up like this. You being married to him, bearing his child in a land you don’t even know.

You always thought, you’ll stay in your small village, in your tiny cottage, selling your vegetables to survive the next winter and eventually end up alone because no one ever caught your interest.

But you are so happy it almost hurts. Because now, that man that took away everything you ever had, just gave you everything he owns. His name, his life, his faith. Everything is yours. And he will stay with you forever. He swear in front of his God. He swear to respect and cherish you for the rest of his life.

« I love you Taiju. »

You lay down on top of him and he kisses your hair, petting your head and your back.

You are both exhausted. You fall asleep in his arms dreaming about a young child with golden eyes and a stern look on a beach, running to a crusaders arms and his father throw them in the air before catching back the giggling child and you know everything’s gonna be alright.

When you wake up, Taiju is not in the bed anymore. He’s patiently working on a piece a wood with his dagger. He got his pants on but is muscular torso is still bare.

When you move in the bed he stops what he’s doing to look at you and then blow on the little piece of wood.

« Did I overslept ? »

He smirk and shake his head. « Just an hour. » He stands up and comes to you, putting his dagger on the bed and you take it to take a closer look. The handle is in black onix with several silver dots and a saphir on the top. He takes it back and lift your left hand to kiss your burned skin before sliding gently the wood ring he crafted on your finger.

« I promise to buy you a beautiful ring when I go back to the city, but for now, this is all I can give you. »

You look at your hand and then at him and you don’t know why but the feeling of him putting the handmade ring around your finger is overwhelming. « No need, I love this one. »

He chuckles and leans to kiss you. « No, I insist. You deserved so much better. You’re a Shiba now, women of my family wear gold and rivers of diamonds, I will ask my sister for help, she is known for having good taste in that matter. I will buy you beautiful gowns and everything you need to look like a lady. You are one now, you are my lady. My wife. »

You feel the butterflies go crazy in your stomach and you smile with your cheeks burning.

« You have a sister ? You never told me about your family aside your uncle. »

He looks at you and open his mouth calmly. « Since you are now my spouse I guess I can tell you. I do have a younger sister and also a brother. I am the first born. My father was a wealthy lord serving their majesty in the old land. He was the general of the royal army. But I barely known him. He was living with the court in the royal palace while my mother and us were living in our land, he just came from time to time to do his marital duties and then went back to the capital. My mother was a lady in waiting of the queen when they met. But once she got married, my father sent her in his castle out of jealousy. She was beautiful, and from a powerful family where the oldest son is always to become a servant of God. This is why my uncle is a prince of the church, this is why he wants me to be one too… »

« This explain a lot. » you say, finally lifting the veil of his life.

He nods « When my mother birthed me and by the marital contract my parents signed, I was immediately dedicated to be a knight serving God and I have been raised in this sole purpose. And then, just before my brother’s birth my father died from disease and the king gave me his titles, properties and a place in his army. I went to war at age of 17 and my mother died during my first crusade. My uncle took the head of our family, married my sister to a rich and old marquis and my brother to the youngest cousin of the prince. When I went back from war, he ordained me priest and he sent me to the inquisition. This is where I met you. »

He takes your hand and kiss it tenderly.

« I was fine with this life. I love being a servant of the Lord. My only regret is the harm I caused you. » He looks at your burned skin and kisses it gently. « But I swear, you will never be in pain again. I will protect you and keep you safe no matter what it will cost. You are mine, both of you. I will protect our family. » he adds putting his hand on your little belly bulge.

You throw yourself in his arms and kiss him as your life depends on it. You know you can relay on him. You are not afraid of what your life might be in the futur. You know Taiju will always be by your side.

You two end up falling asleep in a tight embrace, him caressing your hair and whispering sweet nothing to your ear until morning comes.

The next day, you open your eyes in your bed but Taiju is nowhere to be find. You hear loud noises outside, stand up and dress yourself before opening the front door.

Your husband is shirtless, cutting wood with an axe and you lean on the door frame looking at him working hard just to make sure you won’t be cold in the next days.

Despite you being behind him, he stops the moment he feels your eyes on him and turn around to smile at you.

You give it back, putting your hand on your pregnant belly and you think this is what you can call true happiness. You don’t need to be a lady, you don’t need to live in a fancy castle with jewels and helps.

You just need Taiju to smile at you.

And then you hear noises coming from the wood and Taiju frown, turning over with the axe in both hands.

Five crusaders come out the wood and stop in front of him.

One of the knight carry a banner with a black cross on it and you recognize the leader as Taiju’s aide.

Your husband looks behind his shoulder to you and say calmly. « Get inside. »

« Holy knight Taiju Shiba, in the name of our almighty Lord and by the will of his Holiness the Cardinal Shiba I order you to lower your weapon and come with us. »

« You do not order me anything, I am your lord commander. » Reply Taiju with murdurous eyes.

« Not anymore. The Cardinal had you followed. He knows everything. You are under arrest and so is she. If you do not put a fight, his Holiness might show mercy. »

Taiju looks at you and you see him smile before tightening his hands on the axe. « Well, if you want her, you will have to kill me first. »

« I have no will to fight you Commander. I always admired you and I still respect you. But you know I cannot deny his Holiness command. »

« Tell his Holiness she is my wife and she is bearing my heir. The church has no right to imprison or harm a pregnant woman and you know this. »

The aide don’t move, not touched by the revelation. « This is an order, I have to take her anyway. What the Cardinal is going to do to her is none of my concern. »

Taiju look at the axe in his hand and breath calmly. He really tried not to fight against his own men. But he promised to protect you… no matter what.

« If you want to get to her, you will need to kill me first. She is mine and I am not going to let you take my family away from me. »

A heavy silent starts to grow in the place and Taiju and his aide look at each other while the other crusaders ride off their horses.

The aide smile and bow his head. « So you are choosing this woman over the Church huh…Then I think you sealed your fate. »

Taiju looks at you one last time and try his best to smile. « Y/n, lock yourself inside and do not come out until I tell you so. »

« But- »

« For God’s sake woman, do as I say ! There is no time to argue !» He raises his voice at you and you understand things are going to get ugly when the aide pulls out his sword.

You just have time to see the four other crusaders do the same as they circle the priest, alone without his armors and sword to fight properly.

You don’t want this. You don’t want to let him alone. You are so afraid of closing this door. Because you know next time you will open it, Taiju might not be there anymore. You can’t lose him. He’s your breath, your heartbeats, your life.

« CLOSE THIS DAMN DOOR Y/N !! NOW !! » He shout when the first crusader comes to fight him. The last thing you see is him blocking the sword with the axe handle while another one run to his side with his sword in the air.

You shut the door and drag the table against to protect you from them and the first sound of steal against steal his terrifying. You don’t know what’s going on, you can’t see what is happening outside. You try to calm your nerve but the anguish is rising up so fast inside you it makes you want to throw up. You want to go outside. You want to be with him, to protect him.

But the only thing you can do is to wait like your husband told you.

It is not about you alone, you carry another life to protect and Taiju is doing his best to shield you both from the crusaders.

You knew things couldn’t last forever. Him being reckless, and you carefree would lead you there somehow, someday. But you weren’t ready yet. Not now, not like that.

The fight is still going on, you can tell, you hear cries and roar of soldiers fighting to death and your eyes slowly start to water. Taiju might die here. You could lose him. And this, is unbearable.

Your back starts to hurt, you can’t find your breath, you never felt so weak, so afraid.

Your eyes goes everywhere trying to run away from your tears without noticing it already started to fall off.

And then you see it, in the corner of the tiny cottage, his long sword he fought the infidel army with lean against the wall.

You take it and it’s so heavy for you, you have to drag it on the floor. Taiju needs it. You know he does. How can an axe would keep up with five swords ?!

The steel mock the floor while you try to push the table to the side.

This is so unreal, you don’t even think about yourself. Taiju needs his sword, he needs your help to stay alive even if he said otherwise.

When you are finally able to unlock the door you see 3 crusaders lifeless while Taiju’s body is all red and blood is escaping from a wound on his chest.

You go down the little steps with his claymore and call him.

The fear in his eyes when he see you out there skyrocket and he push back his opponent to shield you from a crusader coming to you.

His axe slay the hair and comes to the knight chest as you raise the sword and cut his thigh with it.

The fighter cries in pain before falling down but it doesn’t stops from what you fear the most to happen right in front of you.

Taiju’s aide raise his sword and strike your husband’s back making him fall in his knees while he looks at you with his mouth open.

Time freeze and you look at each other one last time while the captain comes to take Taiju’s final breath.

« I love you Y/N. » He says for the first time, an orphan tear running along his cheek.

You shake your head, refusing to hear his last confession.

When the aide is right behind him he stops and look at his commander. « May God welcomes you in the Kingdom of Heaven, Lord Commander Taiju Shiba. »

He raises his sword, ready to strike but Taiju push you out of his way, collecting his last strengths and turn around to impale his aide on his sword.

The Claymore his pushed the blade through him until the handle comes to meet his wounded flesh and the crusader lower his eyes to look at it before dropping his weapon and falling to the ground, dead.

Taiju stands up and staggers to you, but falls too, and you just have the time to catch him in your arms.

You see him struggling to breath to the point where he starts to spit out blood and you look at him in tears.

« No, please no ! Do not do that to me, do not die. I need you to meet our child. You’re going to be a great father. We will leave the lands to your place. I promise I will do anything you want. Please, I beg you, do not leave me ! Taiju ! Taiju ! Do not close your eyes, please, I love you ! »

He looks at you and try to bring his hand to your cheek to wipe off your tears but it’s too hard.

He fights hard but darkness is slowly taking over him and you don’t know what to do.

He’s covered in so much blood you can hardly see his wounds.

When his eyes shut down your mouth opens and a silent cry escape. The sound of silent is killing you. Everything is calm. You can’t feel your heart beats anymore. You can’t feel anything at all.

You look up to the sky and shout out all your pain. Burning alive was nothing compared to what you are living right now. This is nightmare.

You can’t lose him. You refuse to. Taiju can’t die. If it was God’s will for you to be together why is he taking back his gift ?

No. No you won’t let him be. You won’t let anyone take away the love of your life.

You stand up and takes Taiju by his arm. You put him on his side and immediately looks for his pulse.

You can’t feel anything, your fingers are covered in blood and sliding on his neck.

You try again, wiping it out with your dress. Blood is still going out of his back and torso and making a pool of blood on the ground. You tear up your dress and put it aroud him, trying your best to make the blood stops while still looking for any sign of life left in your husband body.

Again.

And again.

And then you feel it. It is barely noticeable but you feel it. Taiju is still fighting and you thank the universe but you know you have to hurry.

You stand up and start to limp to the wood not realizing what you’ve been put through all theses past years was not by chance.

You are now exactly where you should have been.

The trivial, the stake, the things you learned with your help back then. You know you can save a life. You will try once again. But your time is running out and you can’t move fast with your burned leg.

You force yourself to keep going, even if it hurts, even if you could put your baby in danger by overworking your body.

You look around, bend over, try to run, to crawl, snatching herbs and seeds here and there. It’s not what you need but you will try. For him.

You come back a moment later, exhausted and check on his pulse again. Taiju is not moving at all. You can’t feel it anymore and sob when you remove your fingers.

You wait just a minute, not knowing what to do.

You can’t bring yourself to aknowledge this reality. Taiju can’t die. He’s not gone. He promised to stay by your side.

But his body is cold. You know what it means.

You caress his messy hair tenderly and your eyes catch the sight of your wooden ring when you feel a utter pain in your womb and you look at it painfully.

« No ! Please, please do not do that to me, please. »

You put your hand on your belly and force yourself to calm down. It’s so hard you can barely breath. You think you are going to die from the pain. The one in your body start to be even stronger than the one in your heart.

After a moment, you finally suceed at making the pain go away and you look at Taiju not knowing what to do.

And you realize. You can’t stop. You won’t.

Try. You have to try. Even if it’s too late. Taiju would have never give up. You are not neither. You are a Shiba. You are his wife. You can do this. You have to.

You stand up again and go inside your hideout, coming back with a fur you cover his body with to warm him up, trying your best to ignore the worst.

And you start to heal him. You do your best, wiping the tears flooding your face, making the pain in your body go away.

You are a fighter. You fought all your life for everything. And you are going to fight again to save him.

Fire lights up in your eyes as you challenge God.

It’s you alone against the fate.

Taglist : @p-antomime @bubble4u @haitaniapologist @aasouthteranoswife @ucancallmeelena @kaleeuh @spaceemeeatt2

119 notes · View notes